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#oh I love uncle so much <3
laniidae-passerine · 7 months
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It still really gets me how sincere Andy’s grief over his potential child is. At first you think, oh this is just a weird flight of fancy for him, the idea of having a kid sounds fun but he’s not serious, but over the course of the episode you realise that, no, Andy actually wants children. It exposes something raw and depressing and lovely at Andy’s core and it just hits, how sad he is about what addiction took from him, the years and the growth and a potential life, but the hope that exists in knowing he’s getting better. Andy isn’t ready to be a father right now and it’s good for them both that Teresa chose to have an abortion, but maybe, some day when he’s ready, Andy will get to have a baby with someone who loves him.
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pinacoladamatata · 9 months
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something something down by the river
yeah i could draw something other than two characters gazing at each other with utter heartsick longing but I know what i'm about son
#beware the tags#oh no the vampire spawn is falling in love with the spider princess#also you will never guess where i got inspo from#yeah it was the man from uncle#i will make him look *more* lovesick dont worry. this is gonna rival my martin/hok stuff bc god#i still have not finished his quest bc i know its gonna make me step away from the game for probably 3 days while i recover#ugghhhh i am gonna scream! bc like the fucking headcanons i have about him and my evil little mermaid tav#she's never seen the ocean. bc menzoberanzzan. so when they finally get to the city she's like fuckin. struck by it.#never seen anything so big in her life. so to explain my running along the coast for hours to unfog the map i imagine he's humoring tav#and acting exasperated by her fascination with the water but he secretly thinks is adorable#and she doesn't know how to navigate a city like baldurs gate. bc where are the spires? the stalagmites? where are the stairs?#so he (knowing the city so well) has to basically be her guide/lead her through the whole thing otherwise it would take them 3 years#to find anything.#MEANWHILE she's having a crisis grieving over her recently dead spouse and fleeing her home for failing her 5th trial#and wants revenge on lolth of all things#so they make a little 'revenge pact' to each other but she's being slowly shown signs of eilistraee and having trouble letting go#bc she can never return home. and she misses her baby brother terribly bc he's only 12 and all 6 of her other siblings are not nice#and she's either gonna take the crown to become a god or have a breakdown at night by the water where she decides to move on#they can make each other better they can make each other so much worse
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bunnyb34r · 5 months
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Well glad to know I'm not the only one not feeling the Christmas season this year. Mom isnt either
Now we dont know why, but here are my guesses. Feel free to place your bets.
Is it:
Bc our aunt/great-aunt died and essentially dissolved the family
|_> Bc of this we've faced so much bullshit from the surviving family we have left.
Bc the only remaining family we have are major assholes aside from like 4 people.
Long covid?
Work stress/ working under a tyrant piece of shit.
Bc I'm an adult now so the *magic* is gone?
All of the above??
#marquilla#we still havent made cookies and are like i want the cookies but i dont want to make the cookies...#so we agreed we can do it after christmas if need be#i really think it's all of that combined. like my g-aunt dying really tore this family apart. we weren't like close close before but i mean#everyone started taking sides (the executors (my mom) vs my cousins. like listen you motherfuckers she left you [insert number bc i also#got this amount and am not disclosing]. you little freaks need to get over the fact that she loved me as much as if not more than you.#maybe bc i wasn't a fucking entitled brat and was always a polite well behaved child (for her) and didnt take my mommy/daddy issues out on#her. you already got: 2 free cars. 3 fully paid for weddings. 4 college degrees (one that you're not even using bc you havent worked since#college bc you became a tradwife. (not dissing stay at home moms im dissing her making college a BIG DEAL for her and then just#essentially saying haha thanks for the 100k in tuition but no ❤). COUNTLESS hours and money poured#into your lives from her and our g-uncle. amongst the 4 of you. (only 1 is not a brat but thats bc they pretend she doesnt exist bc shes#annoying and autistic so a drain on them they were ever so happy to dump on their dad)#you aren't entitled to any of that. that was a GIFT. your inheritance was well thought out. it is an insult for you to suggest otherwise#anyway so theyre being whiny brats and oh boo hoo you exects are SO MEAN to poor Ally who didnt sign the fucking will and thus held up#$50k FROM A CHURCH. and my uncle (not their dad. their moms brother) is taking their side. his wife is a massive piece of shit ab it too.#dont know whose side dog cousin is on bc shes close to my mom but very close to them. and i know lesbian cousin is on moms side to some#degree. and idgaf what Murderer cousin thinks bc that bitch can and will rot in hell.#so anyway any one we could possibly spend time with this season is either dead or hates us. or lives states away and won't be in til after#and only for a day anyway. and we just dont have the fucking energy to deal with anything
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astrxealis · 1 year
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good morning.
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rattlinbog · 10 months
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i gotta say, a couple of babies/kids and a good dog really do enhance a party
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sinning-23 · 13 days
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Hot Tatted Uncle Pt.2 (Uncle!SukunaAu x Teacher!Reader)
Thanks so much for the love and support on pt.1 you guys are the besttt lol, honestly might be a 3 parter we'll see! ANyway, enjoy :0
Also pleaseee excuse any spelling errors yall
Link to Pt.1
PART THREE HERE!!!
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You stared at the text message, throat tight with excitement but dread. It had been a few months since the last incident with Yuji and his Uncle. The roguish male often picked up the young boy, tagging along with Yuji’s father. You’d usually just give Jin a rundown of his son’s day, ever so often catching Sukuna’s gaze as he leaned against the door frame. And every time it happened, you’d choke, clearing your throat and focusing your attention on Yuji and his father.
It didn’t help that he was always texting you, asking his his nephew was behaving. Even though it was cordial and polite, you still felt giddy getting texts from him.
This comes to the next point, why you’re sitting here practically gawking over the most recent message request from Yuji’s father.
-YOU HAVE A NEW MESSAGE:
Hello Miss Y/n! Do you babysit? I know Yuji loves having you as a teacher and I was wondering if you’d be interested in babysitting for him along with his Uncle while me and my wife go on vacation. Of course, you will be paid as well.
-Jin Itadori @ 6:28pm-
You wait to open it, pacing for a moment, thinking, first of all if you were available for the weekend and second, why couldn’t his uncle handle it?!
Well, given the man’s track record maybe an experienced hand in childcare could be useful. With a heavy sigh, you respond and you'd have to quickly come to terms with the fact that you would be essentially babysitting over 2 days with your students' hot uncle.
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It's Friday now, and arrangements for you to simply drive Yuji back home and meet up there with his uncle were already in place. You were trusted with a spare house key, and their precious baby boy, who so seemed to be happier than a fly on shit that you would be spending even MORE time with him.
You gather your things and a few activities to pass the time, loading them into your car. Yuji insists on helping, carrying a small container of building blocks with his chubby hands. And god damn does he not stop talking while he does. It's adorable really, whatever comes off the top of the boy's head simply flying free.
"My-My uh uncle, he doesn’t have no girlfriend." He speaks, the statement making you choke.
"Ahaha is that so? He tells you to say that?" You joke, setting the pink-haired toddler in his car seat, and buckling him in with ease.
"MHM! My uh-" He coughs, quickly covering it with his elbow as you give a small 'good job' seeing as he's learning to keep his germs away from everyone, including you.
"My Uncle says uh he says that you got pretty eyes." He explains, your heart fluttering.
You sit in the driver seat finally, the boy still rambling on and on about what his uncle thinks about you. Though all you can do is respond with a simple, "Oh that's very kind, or a awee", Yuji is nonstop.
It’s quiet for a moment and as you’re pulling into the driveway when he says it, clear as day.
"Uncle says your ass is fat too."
You slam the brakes, the car jerking a bit when you do. What. The. FUCK-
The culprit is already awaiting you, arms folded over his chest as they flex. He’s got a white tank top on and a pair of black basketball shorts paired with slides and ankle socks.
Yuji squirms, growing ever more excited as Sukuna takes him out of the car seat and lightly jabs his knuckles to the boy's sides with a 'Rahhhh', as if he were some kind of tickle monster. Yuji of course laughs and if ALMOST makes you forget about what he'd just said a moment ago.
"Wanna help Miss Y/n put this inside?" Sukuna asks the small boy, handing him the block container from before. Yuji is quick to nod and scurry to the front door.
"I can bring the rest of this, Jin gave you the housekey right?" He asks, leaning against the frame of the car, your neck snapping towards him as you swallow thickly. Fuck you can see even more of the tats now in that shirt.
"U-Uhm yes, yes. I'll go get the door. I can get some of this too I-" You speak, fumbling to find the key. He only puts his hand up and shakes his head, the silver chain around his swishing a bit.
"Nah I gotchu. Yuji knows how to turn the TV on so he can watch his lil show for a bit.”
Sure enough, the minute you unlock the door, Yuji crawls atop the couch, using the remote to try his best to navigate. It takes a while, and he mispresses a few buttons but after about 5 minutes he manages to play something entertaining for him.
Sukuna had finished bringing your bags in as well as the one with activities in it, setting it on the stairs. He rolls his shoulder, pointing at Yuji who was immersed in the show.
"See." Sukuna hums, leaning against the countertop next to you, also skimming over the note. His body heat is practically radiating off of him, just standing by him is warming you up.
You nod in response, looking over the brief note Jin left for you both and according to what it said, your next step was to head up some leftovers for Yuji and then run him a bath.
"There’s two bathrooms so I can get the boy.” He offers, resting his hand behind his neck as you give a nervous laugh. FUCK this nervousness was most likely only on you. There’s no way he could be just as filled with anticipation as you were?!
You take the offer, giving a small thank you before fishing the shower and taking one considering you did just get off of work. Packed away in your bag was a set of comfortable clothes and a book with you figured would help pass the time once Yuji went to sleep.
You could hear footsteps and Yuji fussing back and forth with his Uncle.
“Hush man you’re making me look bad.” Sukuna groans, throwing the toddler over his shoulder as he giggles but continues to thrash, pounding tiny fists against the older male's back.
“No! NO BATH! I don’t wanna!” Yuji whines, his Uncle only growling in response.
“I’ll give you candy if you stop.”
And just like that it was quiet.
-8:30pm-
The night had gone smoother than you thought, you and Sukuna both interacting with Yuji as it’s beginning to be time to wind down. His eyes were beginning to get heavy and before you knew it he was slumped against the couch, clutching an unfinished sucker in one hand and a white puppy plush in the other. You smile, scooping him up and patting him when he stirs.
“Be right back, let me tuck him in.” You whisper, seeing Sukuna look up from his phone and nod, one arm slung over the sofa while he practically manspreads
-9:00pm-
Turns out, Yuji took a bit longer to fall asleep when he realized he was being put down and so you had to sit and pat him for an extra 30 minutes. And once you returned to the living room, there was Sukuna, still scrolling. Well, that was until you came in.
“Sorry, he wouldn’t go back to sleep.” You explain, sitting at the farthest end from him, picking up your book in the silence.
“So you like working up there? At the school?” He asks, putting his phone down to hold the conversation with you.
It takes you by surprise for a second but you are quickly to respond.
“Well yeah, I love the kids and I love working there and teaching them things. Yuji is a sweetheart and it’s definitely kids like him that make it all worth it.” You explain, a smile making its way to your lips.
“You got kids?” He asks, eyes on your frame as you laugh a bit in response
“Nah, don’t really plan on it right now either. Kids are difficult.” You answer, now facing him a bit more, body relaxed.
What was there to be so scared of?! He’s a chill guy who just so happened to be hot as fuck asking you about your career and life?!
“How about you? Kids? Working?” You flip, seeing him shift a bit uncomfortably.
“Hell nah. I see how Jin deals with Yuji and I’m not really cut you to be a dad. And for work well, I’m a priest.” He states, smirking at the surprised look on your face.
“R-Really??” You question definitely surprised.
“Nah I’m just fucking with you.” He laughs and you do the same, trying to keep your volume down since Yuji did just fall asleep.
-11:08pm-
It was crazy to believe you’d spent about two hours just talking back and forth, with him about his past, his brother, and his nephew. You about your own life and current living situations. Somehow the conversation took…a turn.
“Y’know, it’s funny because Yuji keeps telling me about these things you say and I think it’s so funny. Like he’s tone little wingman.” You laugh, seeing him grin right back at you.
“Yeah like what?” He asks, more teasing than anything.
“Well he said that you said I have pretty eyes and on the way here he goes, ‘uncle says your ass is fat’” you explain with a laugh that he doesn't return.
Instead you see his lip tuck between his teeth after he licks them.
“I did say that.”
Suddenly the room is hot, and you’re very aware of how sharp his canaines look in that stupid grin. How his hand is grinning the back of the couch cushion. And for some goddamn reason you just had to look down, that fucking print so visible against his inner thigh.
Your breath falters, eyes wide and you swallow back any doubt. So he had said all that stuff and it want just Yuji repeating something or just talking.
“I-Well I…Thank you? I-I mean I’d be lying if I said hadn’t looked at you too.” You admit, his body shifting to face you more, almost caging you in on the couch.
“I figured. Every time I come to pick up you can’t seems to form a sentence correctly .” He notes.
“Suku-“
“Ryo.” He corrects. Lifting the strap of your nightshirt over your shoulder, playing with the fabric for a moment.
“Ryo.” You test, hearing his exhale heavily.
“Let’s stop pretending there’s nothing happing and has been happening here. No rule against fooling around with me is there?” Sukuna tests, his hand trailing up to rest no on your neck, his thumb pulling your lower lip down.
“No.”
And with that your make the hood move to connect your lips, his arms immediately going to lift you up ans set you against his lap.
Damn does that bulge feel to much better resting between your legs than just looking at it.
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Authors note: OKAY YEHA ITs gonna be a 3 parter with smut in the next one I cant resist lol yall know smut is my specialty! LMK if you wanna be added to the taglist shawty!
Taglist: @manikosii @ya-boi-v @tergyri @ninacutebee16 @minaloq @kriegsumire-blog @samisfunky @peachhiz @teupaidecalcinhasblog @khaotic-luca @gurutoru @molita111 @snail-squasher @rowrowrowyourboat13
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tender-rosiey · 9 months
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hii, hope im not bothering uu!!
my brain is obsessed with ur daddy gojo ficsss!! 🤭🤭 just a thought though. what if gojo brought his kid to work since reader couldnt hire a babysitter and had work to do!! 😱😱 kid can be a baby or like, 7-10?? or something? (idrc i jus need to feed my head with more dad gojo fics 😔😔, kid can be a girl or boy!!) hopee u have a nice dayyy!! ❤❤
missing – gojo satoru x f!reader
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a/n: I wrote the kid being around 5 or 6 max, I think?? hope you like this as well! <3
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you are standing at the door, checking over everything with your husband, "satoru, you got the toys?"
like the proud and confident dad he is, he replies with ease, "yep."
"the snacks?"
“of course,” he grins, pulling up the bag of snacks and toys to show you.
but you’re still stressing, "what about—“
"wifey, relax!” he starts rubbing your shoulders soothingly; “I got everything she needs. you have nothing to worry about,” he presses a loud kiss to your cheek.
"last time you said that, you teleported with d/n to the maldives."
he laughs loudly, before pulling you into a big hug, "aww, babe; I said I am sorry,” he is swaying the both of you, “you know I wanted you to be with us."
"that's not the point!"
"oh wowie, look at the time!” he looks at his fake watch and starts gently pushing you towards the car, “you’re gonna be late sweetheart."
"oh god!" you gasp, quickly giving satoru his goodbye kiss, and running to your daughter to give her own goodbye peck on the cheek as well, “I will miss you; take care of dada, okay?”
“aren’t I the one who is supposed to do that taking care part?!”
“bye ‘toru; bye d/n! love you!”
“love you too!” they both reply in unison before looking each other in the eye. satoru grins at her, “do you want to see uncle nanami?”
“nanamin!” she squeals then runs to god knows where.
soon, they finally get to jujutsu tech.
it took longer than usual because the little missy ran off and decided to play hide and seek. in addition to that, since the madlives incident, you banned satoru from teleporting with d/n because it gets her really dizzy and she starts puking.
so like the common people, he takes a car and has to wait till they arrive there. he wants to grumble, but, at least, his princess is there to play with him and make conversations.
they are finally in class when nobara coos, crouching down in front of d/n, “oh, you’re so cute!”
the little girl grins, “thank you!”
“also, I love your dress!”
“oh; thank you!” d/n gasps and starts twirling around, “mommy picked it for me! It’s so pretty, right?” nobara nods eagerly at her and it makes d/n giggle.
d/n pauses for a moment, a pout on her face and eyes get teary, and looks at satoru, “mommy…”
satoru pats her head, “we will see her soon; don’t worry.”
“wow; I am surprised you’re acting like a proper dad,” megumi comments, waving at d/n who grins back at him.
swiftly, yuuji defends his teacher’s pride, “hey! sensei is a great dad!”
d/n starts swinging her arms around and running in place like she is preparing for something. soon. it is revealed what she is waiting for. the door opens and she launches herself at the new guest, “nanamin!”
nanami effortlessly catches her and secures his hold on her, “d/n, that was dangerous; what if you got hurt?”
she looks down with yet another pout, “I know…’am sorry. just missed you.”
nanami sighs before patting her head, “it’s alright,” a tiny smile creeps up, “are you having fun so far?”
she nods happily and starts rambling about how cool nobara is or how much fun yuuji is to be around. meanwhile, satoru is standing in a corner with his arms crossed and grumbling, “that’s my daughter, you know.”
“imagine losing your daughter’s affection to someone else,” megumi pops up from behind satoru.
he retorts with no hesitation, “imagine not having a father.”
satoru looks petrified at megumi who is so very offended. satoru starts mini-panicking, “wait—megumi, I was kidding!”
“divine dogs.”
satoru shrieks and d/n squeals, pointing at him, “minmin, daddy’s playing with ‘gumi’s dogs!”
nanami averts his attention to gojo playing (read: being attacked). he nods slowly at the suffering man, “he is having so much fun; isn’t he?”
 “yay!” she throws her arms in the air.
nobara snaps a picture of d/n, “she’s adorable!”
yuuji sobs beside her, “I know right?!”
that was at the beginning of the day, but, right now, satoru has to attend a meeting for some reason with the higher-ups, including yaga. though, it hardly counts as a proper one considering that satoru laid out d/n toys so she can play with him.
“daddy, you’re not supposed to give him the green shirt; he needs the blue one.”
satoru quickly obeys, “yes ma’am,” and he changes the doll into his fabulous blue outfit. d/n giggles and holds his face to kiss his cheek.
one of the higher-ups clears his throat, “refrain from such disrespectful behavior during the meeting, gojo.”
satoru smiles humorlessly at the elder, “last time I checked, my daughter’s happiness is a lot more important than the nonsense you spout every single time.”
d/n carefully makes her way down the table and pulls on satoru’s pants, “daddy, toilet, please.”
“this was a fun meeting!” he beams, collecting d/n’s toys in her bag, “I have more urgent matters to attend to so adieu!” he mock bows, before bending to pick his daughter up, “let’s go princess.”
the door closes after satoru and d/n leave, and everyone looks at yaga. he takes a deep breath, “listen, that's his daughter. asking him not to pamper her is like asking a cat to let go of her kittens. you will get bit.”
time passes and satoru is chilling with d/n in the common room. she is laying on his lap and curled around herself. she groggily looks up to him, “when are we going to see mommy?”
he starts stroking her hair, “soon; I promise,” he takes out a candid picture he took of you and hands it to her, “how about you take this until we go back home and see mommy?”
she nods slowly and hugs the photo close. satoru smiles softly and presses a kiss to her forehead. not much after, d/n falls asleep with your photo secure in her hold.
it makes satoru chuckle. it reminds him of how he can never sleep without you either.
that’s why when he goes on mission, he scrolls endlessly through your photos until sleep takes over him or he listens to any voice message you sent. it helps him with the dilemma of missing you, and he is glad it helps his daughter the same way.
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Portgas D. Ace Headcanons 01
Excuse me Oda-sensei, but that 40 year old Ace is simply criminal. Thank you so much for blessing us with him
Anyway! Have some Husband!Ace headcanons For more Ace content please head to my Tumblr MasterList
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Ace is, respectfully, a huge simp for his wife
To the extent that the Whitebeard crew straight up jokingly awarded him with a “Biggest Wife Simp” Award
They made it look official and had Whitebeard sign it and everything. There's even a stamp.
Ace has it framed and hung proudly on the wall next to your bachelor’s degree / college diploma / degree in general. 
I feel like despite his own personal insecurities, Ace still manages to be an amazing father
I imagine Ace originally setting out for like one or two kiddos at most (because y'know...what if he's not good enough) and ending up with 3 or 4 kids
Thing is, that’s both your faults.
Ace is tender and goofy with his kids, and he’s so friggin caring: to the extent that…well wouldn’t it be neat to see him with maybe another 2 or 3 kiddos of his own? 
(Your husband is hot okay?)
In his case, he swears you have a unique glow about you when you’re pregnant. But more than that when he sees you with your first born, he suddenly wants a big family with you.
I imagine his kids are an eldest son, then his princess, then the youngest boy who takes after his uncle Luffy.
His kids aren’t parentified. He keeps his issues far, far, away from them. Besides, he’s got you by his side.
He was dedicated to making sure they got as much playtime as possible.
He heard about learning through play, and he is DEDICATED to doing that as much as possible
Ace’s kids are spoiled with affection, but not spoiled brats.
While it’s true he’d give them the world, he’d rather let them go get it themselves. 
For example: when they asked for a tree house, he gave them the greenlight immediately.
But they had to build it themselves.
It was a super fun project lasting a little over two months with the whole family involved.
Oh and the Whitebeard crew helped too.
It took a while to get the design down initially, then the shopping logistics and whatnot (they used a lot of math here - see education via play)
Building the thing took maybe a weekend or two because the Whitebeard Crew and even the Strawhats came over to help
(It was mostly Franky and Usopp doing work, Sanji was cooking with Thatch)
Uncle Luffy was not allowed near the construction zone after an accident.
They almost destroyed the tree house with their partying once
Ace’s kids were not happy and no one was allowed in the backyard for the rest of the night
He makes sure they have proper manners and self-defense skills
You had to help out here, no lie.
He admitted he needed your help, especially after a dinner with Garp where Makino tagged along to see Ace again
He puts all of his kids into martial arts classes
especially his princess - he’s so proud of her when she beats up bullies
He’s not great at discipline though to be honest. He probably goes about it similarly to Garp. 
Ace will not tolerate any of his kids being nasty to their mother. No matter the phase.
You will have to hold him back if you want to let them get their frustration off their chest.
He’ll let them talk, but you’ll have to keep a hand on him somewhere, his arm, his hand, his knee, his shoulder, his back and rub soothing circles
Let’s just say, “talk shit, get hit,” is Ace’s attitude towards anyone being demeaning towards you (more so with adults, not his kids, but that's why they get a scolding)
"Ace my love" (he melts every time you call him that) "the kids’ll start thinking you love me more than them if you do that"
"My kids won’t disrespect their mother though!"
"They’re just venting darling, and when they say or do something that violates my boundaries, I'll be sure to reinforce it. Lead by example right?"
If they ever feel like pissing Ace off for fun they can just say something kinda not nice about you and he'll get mad and they'll flee from him giggling like the little gremlins they are
Ace is veeeeeeeeerry physically affectionate and he isn’t shy about it at all.
At gatherings with the Whitebeard family, he will gladly seat you in his lap, he will happily hug you as you are seated.
His arm is on your waist most of the time.
They tease him to make him tone it down, he does not.
He, in fact, dials it up. Turns up the heat lol.
You have kids? Not in front of them? What do you mean, not in front of the kids? It’s important they know just how much he loves their mama!
So he will continue to be playful with his hugs and kisses and other displays of affection.
It’s nothing too over the top. Just hugs and quick pecks wherever.
Your entire head is fair game for his smooches, your arms (he loves kissing your pulse and then making eye contact, sneaky guy that he is), your shoulders.
Maybe lifting you and spinning you around. Cuddles. Little bites.
He will play-wrestle his kids to “fight” them over getting to cuddle you, and then he’ll just put all his weight on all of you in a group cuddle
Just to let you know, your kids also receive all the warmth and love of his affections.
When his sons are still tiny and adorable, he smooches them all over. The kisses grow less frequent as they grow older, but the hugs do not stop.
Oh no, hugs galore.
Ace still pecks his little princess on her forehead though
When they’re all under ten he’ll wrap them in a hug (after he chased them down and caught them so they’re laughing and screaming) and start smooching their cheeks while they laugh and try to get out of his grasp
Also yes she’s his princess, but that girl has no problem throwing a fully grown man twice her size around, he made sure of it.
I reiterate: Ace is not remotely shy about displays of affection
Like his eldest could have a friend over, and Ace would still launch a full scale hug attack using the rest of his troops (daughter/youngest)
It's complete with screeching, screaming, and a lot of laughter
His kids used to get teased for it, but it didn’t take more than a few conversations for them to instead jeer at the kids that teased them.
"You’re all jealous your parents don’t love you like ours do"
"How sad, your parents don't hug and kiss you"
Their dad, grandpa, uncle - uncles really, are all gremlins - it's in their DNA
The kids are really physically affectionate with each other as a result
Deadass they’ll be kicking the shit out of each other one second and the next they’ll be all cuddled and huddled up playing Mario Kart or something
Ace is his kids’ hero.
His sons aspire to have his level of fitness.
His daughter, when she’s older, uses him as a standard for dating
You're relieved
Ace is touched and a touch nervous, because he is aware of his shortcomings, though he works hard to keep improving
Of course when you look at him, a twinkle in your eyes, and tell him, “I’m so proud of her, I’m so proud of you!” He feels better
When you continue: “if she can find a guy like you, who cherishes her as much as you cherish me, I’d be so happy.”
Ace loves you so much he swears
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if I were an evolutionist I’d find it rather effed up that people keep monkeys as pets. not in terms of their being potentially dangerous wild animals. just in terms of existential dread
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marksmelodies · 6 months
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nct dreams reactions to meeting your baby who looks just like their dad for the first time
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dad nct dream x fem reader
warnings: suggestive, mentions of sex and pregnancy
minors dni
note: i went crazy on jaemins part bc he’s so girl dad coded
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mark:
“they’re here” mark looks at you
today was the day jae was going to meet some of his uncles, getting yourself situated on the couch holding your baby, mark let the guys in, immediately they all stand around in awe at the sight of yours and marks child
“woah he looks just like mark” chenle says
“well isn’t he the cutest thing ” jaemin gasps
“you wanna hold him?” you look to chenle as he seems completely indulged at the baby in front of him
“yeah of course” he says as you stand up handing him your child
“hi jae it’s your coolest uncle chenle, im gonna spoil you so much” he smiles as the baby looks up at him with his big brown eyes that look exactly like his fathers
“yeah right he’s going to love me more” haechan whines
one by one the boys carefully pass jae around
“mark your genes are strong, hes literally your spitting image” jeno says
“yeah man that’s my mini me” mark laughs
as the boys all get the chance to hold him you place jae in his crib, not long after he starts crying, mark picks him up slightly rocking him side to side calming him down
“isn’t he already the best dad ever” you say to the guys
“i remember meeting mark when we were kids and now he’s all grown up and a dad” jaemin says
“yeah man it’s really emotional seeing you two start a family together, it’s beautiful really” renjun states
“i still claim the credit of setting you two up so technically you all should be thanking me” haechan laughs
“oh shut up i would’ve ended up with her whether you were there or not haechan” mark jokes
you and mark look at your baby in awe
“we did good” he whispers as he kisses your head
“yeah we really did”
renjun:
after buckling your baby boy into his car seat you walk to the passenger side getting into the car “all set” renjun asks before leaving the driveway
you and renjun were going to introduce the guys to Chaoxiang, as you pull into the parking spot you get chaoxiang out of his seat before placing the binki into his mouth
“babe you have everything?” you ask renjun who’s carrying the baby bag
“yeah we’re all good” he says heading to the dorm, a few seconds after knocking an excited mark opens the door
“hey come in, we blocked off apart of the room and baby proofed it” he says leading you to the area
“thank you guys” you say as you place the baby carrier onto the counter
renjun taking chaoxiang out of his carrier caused him to cry due to the sudden movements but renjun quickly calmed him
“oh my god he’s adorable” they say in unison as renjun gives the baby to mark
“he’s definitely renjuns kid” mark laughs
“he has all of his dads features” you say
“even the eyebrows are the same” jisung laughs
as the boys are all talking to renjun about fatherhood mark sits down next to you
“i bet this month has been rough on the both of you” he says
“yeah it’s definitely a big change but i wouldn’t have it any other way” you sigh
“you have a beautiful family y/n i cant wait to watch it grow” mark says
“thank you mark”
renjun walks up to you giving you a quick kiss
“they’re already asking when we’re trying for another one” renjun laughs
“oh god i don’t even want to think about being pregnant again for the next 3 years at least” you laugh
“you’re doing such a good job mama, i’m proud of how strong you’ve been” he gives you another kiss
“thank you jun, you’ve been so helpful and supportive throughout all of this, i love you so much”
“i love you more sweet girl”
jeno:
you were currently at the dorms watching a movie with your boyfriend and his members
as the movie plays as jeno lays next to you rubbing your pregnant belly, feel yourself getting thirsty, looking over to jeno his eyes are focused on the screen
“i’m going to get some water” you say getting up and walking to the kitchen, chenle was standing by the microwave making popcorn as you tip toe around him to get a cup from the cabinet
chenle was facing you as you put ice into your cup, all of a sudden you feel liquid tricking down your leg and onto the kitchen floor
“oh my god” you lock eyes with chenle
“my water just broke” you say as chenle eyes go wide noticing the pile of liquid on the floor
“JENO” chenle yells on the top of his lungs
jeno quickly gets up from the couch walking into the kitchen, he knows exactly what happened by the look on both yours and chenles faces “ baby we need to go to the hospital” he says walking into his room quickly grabbing the bag you packed for when you went into labor
the boys are now up from their spots in the living room standing around the kitchen anxiously
“i’m sorry clean it up” you say looking at the liquid that’s still on the floor, grabbing some paper towels
“are you kidding y/n don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault, don’t worry about it” renjun says grabbing the towels out of your hands
“alright i think i got everything, let’s go meet our babygirl” jeno says to you as you head to the hospital
after hours and hours of painful contractions it was finally time to push, jeno standing right beside you as you squeezed his hand with every push
“you’re doing so good one more big push for me” the nurse says
finally the cries of your babygirl are heard as she enters the world
you look up to jeno crying as he smiles wider than you’ve ever seen, tears rolling down his face as well “you did such a good job, i’m so proud of you” he pushes the lose hair sticking to your sweaty forehead out of your face, placing a kiss to your head
the nurse looks at your baby in her arms and then to jeno and then at you“oh she looks just like her dad” the nurse smiles and handing the baby off you you “here she is mama you’re beautiful babygirl” the nurse says
“she’s so tiny” you stare at her in awe as tears continue to stream down your face
after spending one on one time with your daughter you give her to jeno as he takes her small frame into his arms “hi baby it’s your daddy, i can’t believe you’re finally here, you look so much like me” jeno giggles
after resting for a while the boys came to visit shortly, all standing in the hotel room looking at the baby in your arms
“jeno she has your nose” jaemin smiles
“and your eyes” chenle adds
“she has your lips and eyebrows too” renjun says studying the baby’s face
“she’s so incredibly beautiful, just like her dad” you say looking up at jeno as he kisses your lips
the guys get a chance to hold her, they all feel an overwhelming sense of love for her
“you’re already so loved” mark whispers to her
“we all promise to protect you sweet girl” jaemin says once the baby is in his arms
chenle takes the baby into his arms as he looks at her and all of her beauty, trying to blink the tears forming into his eyes he quickly hands the baby back to you before walking away wiping his tears
“awe chenle why are you crying” the boys tease him, he takes a minute wiping his eyes that are now red “ she’s just so precious, im so happy to be her uncle” he scoffs and shakes his head at himself for being so emotional
“she already loves you so much” you say to chenle as you and jeno try to hold in your tears
“you guys are going to be amazing parents” they all say
“such a beautiful family, im so happy for you both” haechan says
haechan:
“hey sweet girl” haechan says as he holds his baby in his arms as she looks up at her dad with big eyes
“what time are the guys coming over” you ask your husband
“they should be here anytime now” haechan says
the doorbell rings and the boys pile through the door waiting to meet their niece, haechan walks in either the baby as they all coo at the sight of her
“wow shes gorgeous” renjun whispers
“just like her mama” haechan places a kiss to your lips
“she looks a lot like me though” haechan stands proud
“yeah she does, she’s literally your twin” mark laughs
you all let them hold her and talk to her while you and haechan sit on the couch together
“we should let them come over more often, free babysitting” he jokes
“all jokes aside im really proud of you and everything you’ve done for our family, i love you” he says kissing your temple
“thank you babe that means a lot”
you continue talking to the guys as they finally hand your baby back to you
“i’m gonna feed her” you look to haechan before going into the nursery, as you finish up you hear the guys talking about you
“she’s incredible honestly, i could never have gone through what she did and the fact that i didn’t hear her complain about the pain she was in once, she’s literally the strongest woman i know” you husbands voice echos through the house
“she’s such a good mom already, you found a good one haechan im really happy for you and your new family” mark says
you walk out of the room acting obvious to the conversation you overheard as you burp your daughter
“hey love i can do that, why don’t you get some rest” haechan says taking the baby from you as he puts her over his shoulder patting her back
“okay yeah i think ill lay down for a few, i love you ” you say going in for a kiss
as you lay down in your bedroom your mind begins to wonder how lucky you are for such an amazing husband, you knew no matter what life brought to you, as long as you were with him everything will be okay
jaemin:
jaemin sits on the couch with his toddler on his lap watching cartoons
“layla baby come get dressed your uncles are coming over to see you and your sister” you yell to your daughter
“coming mommy” she says running to her room
once you dress layla, brush her teeth and style her hair you let her play in her room making your way to you newest addition to your family min-jun changing and feeding her, you speed walk to the kitchen to clean up the breakfast table and do the dishes before you can get yourself get ready, as you approach the table all the dishes have been cleared and the table has been wiped down, looking to the kitchen you see jaemin scrubbing the dishes in the sink
walking over to him you hug him from behind
“everyday you remind me of all the reasons i married you, thanks for cleaning up babe” you say leaning your forehead against his back as you take in a deep breath, he wipes his hands dry before turning around engulfing you into a hug “ you don’t have to thank me, you’re not responsible for doing everything around here” he kisses your lips
“oh i would so have sex with you right now if i could” you say laughing
“those days of having alone time are long gone” he jokes
“yeah i love my little cockblockers though” you say as layla comes running into the kitchen
you and jaemin look at each other trying not to laugh
“speaking of the devil” jaemin says picking her up ticking her stomach causing her to laugh
“i got it from here babe go get ready” jaemin says, you nod walking into you and your husbands shared room
taking a shower, getting dressed, styling your hair and doing your makeup all the span of 25 minutes is a new power you attained since becoming a mom
“layla come in mommy and daddy’s room really quick” you say as jaemin joins you walking to the bedroom
you both sit on the bed with her as she looks up at the two of you
“mommy am i in trouble” she asks
“of course not sweetheart, daddy and i wanted to talk to you really quick before your uncles get here”
“now you know mommy just had your sister a little over two months ago” jaemin asks
“yup” she smiles
“well your uncles haven’t met her yet they are going come over today to meet her” he continues
“even though their attention might be on your sister that doesn’t mean that they don’t love you just as much, the same goes for mommy and i, today we have to make sure your uncles are careful with your sister because she’s not a big girl like you are yet, she needs a little more help from us” jaemin says
“okay but will daddy and uncle haechan still play dolls with me” she asks
“of course honey, we wouldn’t miss it for the world” jaemin says kissing her head before letting her run off
you lay your head on your husbands chest for a moment taking a deep breath
“you were made to be a dad, it comes so naturally to you” you say kissing his lips
“i can say the same about you, you’re the best mommy i know”
you latch your lips onto jaemins as you stratal his hips, jaemins hands immediately going to your side and your ass
“fuck baby” he hisses as you grind yourself onto his clothed dick
“i want you so bad ” you moan as you nibble on his ear
“what’s up- oh shit” haechan says bursting through your bedroom door
“jesus christ” jaemin says as you two practically jump off eachother
“who the fuck let you in” jaemin says trying to palm the boner in his pants
“my sweet angel layla” haechan laughs
“i thought we told her not to open the door” you say looking to jaemin
“yeah for strangers, sadly this idiot isn’t a stranger” he says
“daddy uncle haechan is here” layla says running into jaemin arms as he picks her up
“yeah baby i can see that, why don’t you, mommy and uncle haechan go wait for the others to arrive, daddy has to take care of something real quick” he says as she runs off again, jaemin stares at you and then at haechan letting out a deep sigh before rolling his eyes heading into the bathroom
you cant help but laugh as you bring haechan to see min-jun
“she’s beautiful” haechan says staring at her
“yet again another mini jaemin” you say laughing
“she looks exactly like him” he says
“you said the same thing about layla” you chuckle
hearing a knock on the door you open it as the rest of the dreamies come flooding in
“uncle jeno” layla runs up to him as he picks her up, after layla says hello to all of her uncles they follow you into the nursery
“layla let’s go play in your room” haechan says
“oh my god i feel like i’m looking at jaemin” chenle says as he hold your daughter
the guys pass around your daughter as jaemin comes into the room
“how come every baby she pushes out looks exactly like you” mark laughs
“my genes are strong what can i say” jaemin shrugs his shoulders
haechan appears in the doorway of the nursery
“i wouldn’t be surprised if next week jaemin comes into practice saying y/n is pregnant again, i walked into them nearly making baby number three today”
“someone should definitely babysit tonight” jaemin says as he wraps his arms around you
“oh stop it” you say smacking his arm
“daddy” layla yells from her room
“coming princess” he yells back before leaving the nursery
“i pray everyday that min-jun doesn’t turn out to be another daddy’s girl” you laugh
the boys stay for dinner as layla sits between haechan and jeno, you excuse yourself early to feed min-jun, jaemin walks into the room as you’re feeding her
“my mom said she’ll watch layla tonight” he says excitedly
“why?” you ask
“i told her we desperately needed some alone time and she offered to take her for tonight”
“jaemin you seriously just admitted to your mother that you want to have sex” you say disgusted
“i mean you are my wife i don’t see what the problem is”
“geez you’re too open and honest sometimes” you sigh “ i mean if layla wants to sleep over there then that’s fine i guess ” you say
returning back to the table you hear jaemin asking layla about the sleepover
“a sleepover with grandma?!” she says excitedly
“yes sweetheart after dinner we can go pack your bag”
“yay i’m so excited” she says
“oh me too” jaemin laughs as the guys just stare at the both of you
“he’s absolutely ridiculous” you roll your eyes
“baby number three let go” haechan jokes
“oh don’t worry he’ll be wrapping it” you say loud enough for jaemin to hear as the guys nearly joke on their food
the boys all say their goodbyes to your girls as they head out
“oh thank god min-jun is asleep and layla almost packed” jaemin says walking back into the living room
“ i’ll drop layla off at your moms” jeno says
“really, that would be so nice of you” you say hugging him
“yeah no problem, enjoy your alone time” he says smirking as he pats jaemin on the back
“layla are you almost done picking out what plushie you want to bring” you husband yells
she comes out of the room with her big backpack on
“uncle jeno is going to take you to grandmas okay” you say your goodbyes as jeno carries her out of the house
closing the door you take a deep breath
“let’s go run a bath sweetheart, i’ll bring the baby monitor” jaemin says
as you lay in the bath together, jaemins arms wrapped around your waist “i didn’t know i genuinely needed this tonight but i definitely did, thanks babe” you say
“just wait till we get into bed, i’ll be giving you something else you definitely need” he says kissing your neck
chenle:
backstage after the performance you text chenle to come meet you in the hallway of the dressing room he walks out kissing both you and his son jiahao
“good job today lele you did amazing” you kiss him once more
“oh my goodness what does his shirt say” chenle notices your sons shirt
you hold jiahao up so that chenle can read what is printed onto the shirt
“you think you’re cool? well my dad is zhong chenle” he reads aloud
“haha i love it babe” he laughs taking jiahao from you kissing your lips
“let’s go see your uncles huh?” he says bringing you and your son into the dressing room
“oh my god”
“he so cute”
“let me hold him”
the boys all yell from inside the room
“calm down you’re gonna scare him” chenle rolls his eyes, handing his son off to renjun, the boys all take a good look at him
“chenle hes your carbon copy” renjun laughs
“yeah he’s got your big head” haechan says
“yeah chenle had the easy part in the making of him yet here he is, after being inside of me for nine months looking exactly like his daddy” you joke
“and you love it” chenle kisses you head
“yeah i do” you nod
“gosh he’s so cute” jisung says looking down at the boy
“of course he his he’s my kid” chenle jokes as jisung rolls his eyes
“sit down my love, rest for a little” chenle says to you, chenle joins you on the couch
“i’m so proud of our little family” he says as you rest your head on his shoulder
“i am too lele, thank you for being such a good dad ”
“i’m only half as good as you are babymama” you slap his arm playfully
“i hate when you call me that”
“i know” he chuckles
jisung
you and jisung were laying comfortably together on the couch until your daughter ha-yun started crying from her crib
standing up you walk over to her taking her out of her bed, sitting back onto the couch with jisung you take the binky out of her mouth as you pull your shirt down replacing it with your nipple
jisung smiles at the two of you as he places his arm around your shoulder
“i love my girls” he says pressing a kiss to your temple, once you finish feeding your daughter you pass her to jisung so that he can burp her
“i think the boys should be here anytime soon” he says getting up placing the baby over his shoulder as he pats her back
you get up and head to the bathroom making yourself look a little more presentable
“babe” you hear jisung yell across the house
“what” you yell back
“ha-yun threw up all over me and the boys are on their way up can you take her for a second” he says
you can’t help but to laugh a little bit
“yeah i got her go get cleaned up”
as the boys arrive you open the door for them telling them that your daughter is in her crib as
they all stand around her
“you can pick her up and hold her if you want” say sitting back on the couch
jeno picks her up rocking her back and forth
“holy shit it’s literally a girl version of jisung” haechan says looking at your daughter
“speaking of jisung where is he?” chenle asks
“ha-yun threw up on him right before you guys got here” you say chuckling
“good girl” chenle coos at your daughter slightly shaking her foot
“i heard that” jisung says walking back from the bedroom
“she’s so adorable” renjun says
“she’s jisungs twin” you respond
“i cant believe our little jisung is a dad now” mark says
“he’s all grown up” he adds
“i still remember the day jisung called me freaking out about him knocking y/n up” chenle laughs
“i wasn’t freaking out” jisung defends himself
“i’m pretty sure you were, i didn’t even get the chance to say hello before you were like ““ holy shit i got my girlfriend pregnant”” chenle uncontrollably laughs
“yeah well it doesn’t matter now i have my beautiful girls, my lovely little family” he kisses you
“you guys really did make a cute baby i cant lie” renjun says
“thank you” you smile
“i still refuse to believe my little innocent jisung helped make this baby” haechan jokes
“innocent is crazy, how do you think babies are made haechan” jisung laughs
“ew i really don’t want to think about you two doing it” chenle makes a face
“you corrupted him y/n” haechan laughs
“guilty as charged” you say kissing him once again
“i have a feeling that this is one of many babies to come into the park family” jaemin laughs
“we’re already talking about trying for another one next year” you say half joking half not
“geeze jisung, make sure to put a ring on it before the next one at least” renjun laughs
“y’all are gonna be real busy” haechan makes a grossed out face
mark hits his shoulder
“shut up dude you’re so annoying”
“i meant busy with two babies” haechan defended himself
“no you didn’t” chenle laughs
“enough about our sex life” jisung says
“you all will understand one day when you meet the one” you smile to jisung
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hope you enjoyed, this was so fun to write!!
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sunsguilt · 7 months
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SMASH OR PASS WITHOUT THE SMASH !┊ft: all nrc characters!
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warnings: none! contains: gn reader
notes: this is essentially a dateability ranking in terms of pure survival and living your best life. i love all the characters dearly, and this is just for fun!
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HEARTSLABYUL
riddle rosehearts: don’t get me started on him. hypothetically, let’s say he has a single romantical bone in his body. he would probably (definitely) want to date someone his mother would approve of, so someone who’s super studious and thinking about becoming a lawyer type of thing. even then, his mother would be the overbearing MIL stereotype, and riddle would just bend to her every whim, so it wouldn’t work. would probably divorce you if his mom said to. 
overall rating: 2/10, could be a nice cushy life if he took his penchant for memorizing rules into a lawyer profession and became a rich husband, but still the MIL…. you would end up on r/relationshipadvice within weeks, i’m afraid. 
ace trappola: he’s like a frat boy to me, honestly. I think you could be friends with him within reason, but if you actually date him… he’s the kind of guy who would pursue you and then get bored once u start dating. whoops, he had a consensual workplace relationship. he canonically ghosted his ex, guys. 
overall rating: 3/10, you would be dating a frat boy. you don’t want that for yourself, trust me, speaking from second-hand experience here. 
deuce spade: deuce is actually normal. like he’s no rich boy, but his family is respectful and his mother would adore you if he brought you home. he’s a little slow, but he’s got the spirit, y’know? 
overall rating: 6/10, very nice in-laws, very cool husband. you may end up being the primary breadwinner. 
cater diamond: with cater, it’s probably a bromance that turns into a real romance. mostly because he didn’t want to confess and ruin the whole thing you had going on together. likely a guy who needs a lot of validation from his partner. like he’ll say he hates pickles if you don’t like pickles. will not let a pickle pass his lips. will try his very hardest to convince you to do silly couple challenges.
overall rating: 8/10, he’s sooooo cute but he’s got unresolved mental instability like you wouldn’t believe. personally, i love that in a man. call me fix-it felix.
trey clover: trey is. trey. average guy whose family runs a bakery. he’s cute though!
overall rating: 5/10, he’s probably a freak in terms of intimate relations! teehee! no further comment.
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SAVANACLAW
leona kingscholar: leona is a nice guy, respectful etc. but after a while, he’s not putting the same energy into the relationship as you are. the added layer of dating a literal prince…. no matter how disregarded he is by his family, he is second in line for the throne. the pressure from that sounds crazy, i won’t lie. you might be able to ignore the pressure of him bringing you home to straight up royalty ! overall rating: 5/10, he’s so dreamy and gorjus but he wears uncle sandals. jack howl: oh he’s so bf material, like you don’t understand. him being really firm on the fact that beastmen choose a life partner? wanting to fall in love and be committed to someone until his dying day? this is Romance. he's probs a good guy to bring to the gym for support if you’re just starting to work out regularly! might accidentally push you past your limits bc he’s thinking beastmen standards and not human. overall rating: 7/10, he’s so cute and i love him, but he’s a gym bro and does daily early morning jogs and such. cannot accept it. ruggie bucchi: he’s actually another really normal guy to date! he’s shown to do anything to provide for his loved ones (bringing food home from school to provide for his friends and family). very much an acts of service guy! 
overall rating: 4/10, the chances are high that he’ll do that thing that broke dudes do when they get all touchy and hug their partner when the partner pulls out their card to pay for something. 
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OCTAVINELLE
azul ashengrotto: he would be nice to you ONLY if he had something to gain. would actually play the long game in order to sweet-talk you into signing some contract that totally screws you over forever. he is a capitalist at heart, i fear. he’s gonna get you in some get-rich-quick scheme. also, he can’t kiss and it would be weird and a lot more drool than necessary.  overall rating: 6/10, i love octopus.
jade leech: oh god. he’s like visually appealing but the longer he's talking, the worse it gets. his hobby would literally be getting your heart rate up. you’d be lucky if you don’t get high blood pressure from his desire to see your face twist in an ugly expression. he has a penchant for learning, so he’ll want to research the topic of his interest to the fullest to get the desired results.  overall rating: 3/10, the moment he’s tired of you, he’ll never speak to you again outside of a professional setting. floyd leech: he wants to have fun every day he can. which is fine, nothing wrong with that. the problem lies when he wants to rope you into it. and his idea of fun is….. questionable. he would call you up in the middle of the night and ask if you wanna go for a joyride that takes you over state lines. and you would only get like three minutes notice. he would also invite himself into your dorm and sleep in your bed. no, he’s not making the bed either, the guy canonically has to be forced into ironing his own shirt.  overall rating: 3/10, he looks like he bites unironically. would you get rabies if a humanized eel bit you?
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SCARABIA
kalim al-asim: oh he’s so sweet, but the only problem is literally the fact that he’s rich. he frequently talks about multiple attempts on his life in his youth up until the present day. if people outside of your circle found out you were with him, word would surely spread to unwanted ears, and your life would be at risk because of that immediate association.  overall rating: 6/10, a total sweetheart, but i don’t think i’d be able to eat breakfast with him without wondering if something’s in our food. jamil viper: he has too many underlying issues that include but are not limited to: an inferiority complex that exists due to his forced proximity to kalim. as much as i’d love to say i could fix him, jamil almost killed kalim. Plus, jamil is literally kalim’s servant. association with kalim = will probably die. overall rating: 5/10, he’s got issues, but he’s so cute and probably just needs that reassurance or whatever. my silly guy!
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POMEFIORE
vil schoenheit: vil is like my fav so i’d love to say that because he’s so nice and rich and pretty that he would be a perfect ten. WRONG. he’s famous. bad! what if he has crazy stans who go after you bc you’re dating him? for your own safety, you would never be able to go public with your relationship, that is if the tabloids don't get to you.  overall rating: 7/10, you’ll have to listen to him go on tangents about neige. 
rook hunt: if you’re thinking “yeah no he’s probably a safe bet, he’s rich and i could be his trophy wife/husband”, you like french people and you’re lying to yourself !!!!! ive never met a normal rich person in my life, and rook is no exception. he would know your shoe size before you even know his last name. 
overall rating: 0/10, he’s weird AND french.
epel felmier: he lives in a small town where everyone tends to know each other and their business. there’s no hiding your relationship from them. downside is, he would have a crazy inferior complex if you were taller than him. He needs to be a Man’s man, yknow??? overall rating: 6/10, he’s a good cook, an incredible one, even. if you can’t cook and you can deal with a man who desperately wants to show you how cool he is, then this is the one for you. 
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IGNIHYDE
idia shroud: he wouldn’t date, like he’s a NEET guys, i don’t see it at all. He would marry someone if it was for tax reasons, or just to tell people he isn’t bitchless. you'd just go to a courthouse real quick and pop by an ihop after.  
overall rating: 6/10, he would be an incredible overwatch carry. would bully you for sucking super hard in any type of pvp game. 
ortho shroud: he’s like a child, so he is not included! 
overall rating: 0/10, in terms of dateability, he’s silly tho
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DIASOMNIA
malleus draconia: you would be perfectly safe with him. yeah, he’s not fully clear on the norms of human society, but he treats you well! problem is, he'd be a little too obssessed and its going to very quickly turn into "he's going to keep u in this tower bc hes scared abt u dying"
overall rating: 7/10, wouldn’t you love a loser man who is obsessed with gargoyles?!  silver: objectively, the world’s most perfect man. he’s super cute and can cook! everything you would want in a man. he's also got his wacky little sitcom type family like step brothers who are Not human and a dad who is Not human but like they care for him he cares for them! 
overall rating: 9/10, no real drama and they'd probably be elated if he brought someone home.  sebek zigvolt: he would choose malleus over you every time, i’m so sorry. like “sorry babe malleus needs help shining his sword or whatever, you can start the movie without me.” realistically the only time sebek could be in a relationship is if he finds someone whos as obsessed with malleus as he is so they can be hyperfixated on him together or something. like how kpop stans marry each other, but with malleus the dragon prince. 
overall rating: 2/10, he would use you has a human dishrag to clean shoes for malleus.  lilia vanrouge: everyone loves a fictional old man, but this particular old man comes with trauma and emotional baggage spanning centuries. You can only fix-it felix your way out of so many things. he’s cute, though. 
overall rating: 4/10, canonically picks his nose, i fear.
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— ☆
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landofgay · 2 years
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huh. hm. uh. yeah.
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chaoticace2005 · 3 months
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Reasons the Mothman should die, collectively written by the residents of the Hazbin Hotel:
Coding for Characters: Vaggie, Charlie, Pentious, Alastor, Niffty, Husk, pretty much everyone
TW: References to abuse
He’s holding back Angel’s progress. (Vaggie, is killing really necessary?) (I am concerned about going after a Vee)
I’m hungry (ALASTOR!)
Ms. Angel gets nervous when on the phone with him.
His coat is tacky.
He’s a bug! And bugs must be DESTROYED!
So Angel stops feeling like he has to be so damn fake. This is getting on my fucking nerves.
HE LICKED CHARLIE!!! (Vaggie, wait it’s okay.)
Color scheme sucks. Purple AND red?!
He makes Angel sad, NOBODY should make Angel sad.
Those obnoxious glasses just make him look stupid.
He’s a manipulative, abusive prick.
ANGEL DIDN'T KNOW BOUNDARIES WERE A THING?!?!?!?!?!? (Honestly that explains a lot.)
NOBODY deserves to be in an abusive relationship.
Too many arms. Nobody needs that many. (...Angel has that many?) (Well maybe he shouldn't.)
Ms. Angel keeps coming home all messy!!
He’s ruining hearts for everyone. Me and Angel already have enough. At least those are on our bodies, what’s his excuse?
Hearts should not even be ASSOCIATED with Valentino, THIS IS NOT LOVE.
I can do without all the sexual depravity. While I am in Hell this is NOT one of the reasons.
If I have to hear that ringtone one more damn time-
The Eggies found some of his films. They should never be exposed to such horrors. Now I have to explain what “a sex” is.
Makes picture shows that are a disgrace to the idea of “entertainment.”
He’s making a bad name for Uncle Ozzie. This is NOT “lust.”
So we don’t have to listen to another one of Angel’s pornos. (Agreed, it’s quite horrifying!!)
So Ms. Angel isn’t tired when she gets home and can save the kinky stuff for then :) (Niff, really?)
So the kid stops coming home with bruises and cuts that I fix up at 3 am. (Husk, what the fuck?)
Because what the FUCK Valentino?
He keeps forcing Angel to do drugs. (HE WHAT?! Like crack??) (That but also I’m pretty sure whatever comes out of him is an aphrodisiac.)
I want to use his antenna as a backscratcher
Has that whole red color thing going on. Only I am allowed to wear red :) (Al, your text isn’t even red.) (My what?)
What is up with his red spit and smoke? Seriously disgusting.
The red stuff from him may be what allows Velvette to create her “Love Potions” which funds Vax’s stupid endeavors (Do you mean Vox?) (Who?)
FOR MY COLLECTION :D (…yeah okay.)
Really is making a bad name for Overlords. And not in the fun way.
Angel’s shown trauma signs of abuse in our meetings. Im pretty sure it’s Valentino.
Make a doll out of his fur so I have a main villain for roach puppet shows!!!
His only purpose is to keep Veks occupied but considering Vixen’s inane attempts to catch my attention it isn’t working.
So Angel can have his soul and he and Husk can run off into the sunset together like in a fanfiction!!! (Ah, yes that would be nice.) (WE WHAT?!) (Oh Husker, denial doesn’t suit you.)
So Angel can get a good boyfriend THAT’S NOT ME to stop these bullshit allegations.
So Angel can admit his feelings to Husker because our cat surely isn’t going to be the first to do it. (ALASTOR I SWEAR TO GOD!)
Who knows how many other people he’s abusing.
Seems to give Vicks confidence. He has enough of that as is. It much more fun to destroy him.
He makes Angel sad which makes Cherri sad!
HE HIT ANGEL!!!
Called my dear Rosie an "old hag" NOBODY CALLS ROSIE AN OLD HAG.
Angel is a good friend and deserves so much better.
I’ve forgotten what moths taste like.
He keeps trying to get Angel to move out :(
Told the kid he had to lose weight. What the actual FUCK. (Ill kill him.)
He’s annoying and looks quite stupid. How has this not been added yet?!
He’s making a bad name for Spanish speakers everywhere. (Yeah it’s embarrassing.) (Wait… what?)
He’s making a bad name for pansexuals everywhere.
He’s making a bad name for wing-holders everywhere. (HE HAS FUCKING WINGS?!) (Oh, yeah, I didn’t tell you?)
Too tall. This is ridiculous.
Won’t admit he’s blind so he’s become even more of a public safety hazard.
If I get one more transmission of him and Box commiting lascivious acts someone will be eaten. I don’t care who. What the purpose of these are I don’t know. Advertisement? (I think it’s to make you jealous boss.) (Ha! Jealous of what? Mediocre sex with a pathetic excuse for a businessman with a TV as a head?)
Because Angel deserves fucking better.
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finelinevogue · 3 months
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okay what about something with fiancerry about wedding planning? like putting stuff together/looking at inspo/etc ??
a/n - again… something small <3
word count - ~1k
wedding planning mahem
.’•*,.’>*,~<\*•,.-:’•.~_,*^;-.•*
“I hate that colour.” You frowned at the potential colour of napkins.
“It’s beige. How is that not good?” Your fiancé, Harry, asked.
You were both sitting on the lounge floor, binders, folders, photos and bits of paper laid out everywhere in front of you. No space on the floor was untouched.
“It’s just.. bleh. I’m thinking sage green, to match the bridesmaids dresses.”
“Ooh that reminds me. Gem said her dress needs altering again.”
“Again?” You ran a stressed hand after your forehead and back over your head. “Anything else I should know?”
“Aunty Carole isn’t sitting on the same table as Uncle Graham, she said. Actually, she kind of threatened me to make sure it didn’t happen.” Harry gulped.
“Oh.. for fu– okay, okay.”
You take out a piece of paper from a binder and add these tasks to your never ending list. There were currently 67 tasks on your list to do and increasing in length too.
“And I should probably let you know that the cake decorator cancelled this morning saying the design was too complicated.”
Your eyes felt like they bugged out of their sockets. “Too complicated? Are you kidding me? It’s a bloody white cake with some green ivy on it.”
You groaned and collapsed on your back. You covered your eyes with the palms of your hands.
“C’mon, baby. It’ll all be okay.” Harry said, rustling with some paper.
You shook your head. You breathed out a deep breath, knowing what was coming next. Your shoulders and chest started to shake as you started to cry.
Your hands stayed over your eyes as the tears flowed down onto your cheeks.
Harry must have noticed, even though you weren’t being vocal about crying, because the next thing you knew he was on his way over to you.
“Woah, baby. Hey, hey. What’s up?” Harry pulled your hands away from your eyes and just let you cry without restraint. He stayed sat by your side, holding one of your hands with his.
“This is so shit.” You tried to talk through your sobs.
“What is? The wedding? The planning?”
“Everything!” You exclaimed, but Harry knew you didn’t mean it.
“Talk to me. What’s actually wrong?”
Harry pulled on your arms to sit you up. He sat with manspread legs and you sat in between them, sitting sideways to his body.
“I just.. I just wanted this wedding to be perfect. I needed it to be perfect and now everything’s falling apart left, right and centre.” You blew out a deep breath as you tried to calm your tears.
“Why does it need to be perfect? It’s not worth being perfect if you’re this upset, honey.” Harry explained, which you understood.
“For you.” You said softly.
“For me? Wha– baby…” Harry struggled to understand.
“You have done and still do so much for me, H. I just can’t even begin to explain just how much. This was supposed to be my way of showing you how much it all meant to me.. how much you loving me has meant to me.”
Harry pulled your chin so your face faced his. “Baby, hey. I know how much I mean to you. I see it everyday, from the little moments to the big. Like, this morning, you knew I wanted a green tea instead of a breakfast tea. I don’t know how you did, but you did. Or last week, I asked you if I could go out and see some friends and next thing I know you’ve organised a barbecue for me and them here. I-I don’t know how you could ever think that you don’t already show me how much you love me.”
“I know, I know. M’sorry.”
“It’s okay, lovie. It’s all going to work out, I promise.”
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chrisevansonly · 10 months
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𝐚 𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐜 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 | 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐜
✯social media au
✯charles leclerc x female reader
✯surprise surprise, a new leclerc is on the way!
✯not requested, just wanted to post a little something, im still struggling with writing motivation :/ but i might do a pt2 to this if people like it<3
part 2 part 3
ynleclerc
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liked by charles_leclerc, kellypique, arthur_leclerc and 765,000 others
little baby leclerc coming soon, i can’t wait to be a parent with you charles, our baby is the luckiest little one in the world♥️
tagged charles_leclerc
see 106,000 comments
username oh my god i cannot😭
username im so happy for them!!!
username they’ve been trying for so long i’m so so happy for them🥹🥹
arthur_leclerc congratulations you two, can’t wait to be an uncle❤️
liked by charles_leclerc and ynleclerc
charles_leclerc je t’aime tellement chérie
charles_leclerc can’t wait for this new adventure❤️
>ynleclerc i love you so so much ❤️
carlossainz55 baby ferrari alert!!!!
liked by ynleclerc
username convulsing and crying atm
ynleclerc added to their story!
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*comments disabled*
charles_leclerc
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liked by scuderiaferrari, ynleclerc, joristrouche and 1M others
last summer as a family of two, can’t wait to be a family of three❤️
tagged ynleclerc
see 367,000 comments
username DAD LECLERC INCOMING
username y/n looks so beautiful!!!
lilyhme @:y/nleclerc babe you are looking stunning!!
>ynleclerc my angel you!!! miss you so much🩷
username omg the baby content we’ll get soon😭
ynleclerc family of three omg 🥹
ynleclerc i’m so excited 🩷🩷
liked by charles_leclerc
scuderiaferrari we’ll save the best seat for them!!
liked by ynleclerc and charles_leclerc
charles_leclerc added to their story!
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ynleclerc
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liked by arthur_leclerc, apmmonaco, charles_leclerc and 989,000 others
i will forever be very thankful for charles who takes me out at 3:30 in the morning for the most strange cravings that sometimes takes us a few hours out of town. even if i’m crying feeling bad he does his best to cheer me up, make me laugh and keep me happy. he is the absolute best husband in the world, and he’s going to be the most amazing father, thank you for being you my love🩷
tagged charles_leclerc
see 109,000 comments
username this is so sweet😭
username he’s giving dilf vibes already
username 🥹🥹🥹
charles_leclerc i’d do anything for you, i love you❤️
>ynleclerc i love you more:(
carlossainz55 yet you wouldn’t walk 3 feet to get me a sandwich…hmm
>charles_leclerc mate it was right in front of you
>carlossainz55 I WANTED TO FEEL IMPORTANT
username carlos just wants to be loved too 😭
arthur_leclerc don’t forget the time he came over and raided my fridge knowing i had the specific jello you liked….
>ynleclerc thank you thur🥺🥺
charles_leclerc
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liked by ynleclerc, joristrouche, puma and 2M others
closer and closer everyday 🩷🩵
tagged ynleclerc
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username do they know the gender yet?!
>ynleclerc not yet!!! 🥰
username i think it’s a girl
username charles as a boy dad??
ynleclerc feels like a lifetime, i just want them to be here:(
>charles_leclerc soon mon ange, soon❤️
>ynleclerc not soon enough 🥺
username IM SO EXCITED FOR THEM😭
landonorris my money is on girl
>carlossainz55 mines on boy
>danielricciardo im w carlos
>alexalbon nah it’s gonna be a girl
username the grid guesses 👀
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megamett44-lover · 10 months
Note
can you do the reader seeing matt with a little kid (around 5 or 6) and getting some crazy baby fever? thank youu <3
UGH I LOVE THIS
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Matt Sturniolo x Reader
Summary: In which Y/n brings Matt to her family reunion
Warnings/Notes: She/her pronouns
Requested? Yes!
Dress Up
Bringing Matt home with me for my annual family reunion was insisted upon by my parents. My whole family absolutely adored him, always asking me to bring him around more. Hence why now, here we were, about a ten minute drive away from my grandparents home, where everyone would be meeting.
Having never met my extended family before, it was understandable for Matt to be nervous. He held my hand as he drove, lightly brushing his thumb over my knuckles every few seconds.
“You okay?” I ask, squeezing his hand lightly.
He looks over at me, trying to hide his nervous expression. “All good.” He says.
I nod, turning my attention back to the road. “You don’t have to stress, everyone is gonna love you.”
He chuckles. “If I can win your dad over, I’m sure I can do anything.”
I roll my eyes. “Please.” I say. “You never had to win him over. He was practically calling you ‘son’ before he even met you.”
“Right.” Matt laughs.
Siri breaks our conversation, telling us to turn left and our destination would be on the right. As we pulled into my grandparents drive way, a wave of nostalgia hit me. The long gravel path leading to an old white plantation house surrounded by the most beautiful flowers. I had helped my grandmother plant different flowers in her garden for many Summers when I was younger. The neatly trimmed hedges wrapping around the edge of the porch that my grandfather always insisted on keeping up himself because “nobody else could do the job right.”
I noticed many other cars parked out front, indicating a lot of my family members were already here. As we parked, I kissed the back of Matt’s hand. “Ready!” I asked.
“For sure.” Matt smiled.
As we walked onto the porch, the sound of laughter could be heard from inside. We didn’t even have a chance to knock before my grandmother opened the door.
“My Y/n!” She said, embracing me. “I’ve missed you so much!”
“Hi, Gran.” I say, returning her hug.
As we pulled away, she noticed Matt beside me.
“Now this must be the young man I’ve heard so much about.” She smiles at Matt.
“All good things, I hope.” Matt chuckles nervously.
I laugh. “Gran, this is my boyfriend, Matt.”
“Pleasure to meet you dear.” My grandmother says, embracing Matt as well. Pulling away, she smiles at us both. “Well come on, everyone has been asking for you.”
Walking instep with my grandmother and Matt slightly ahead, she leans in and whispers softly. “He’s handsome!”
“Oh, Gran!” I laugh.
“I’m serious!” She says. “If I was only 60 years younger, I’d give you a run for your money.”
As we walked into the crowded parlor, we were greeted by a chorus of “Hey” and “Welcome home”. A lot of family come up to me, since the last time I had seen most of them I was young. Most of them were eager to meet Matt, having heard I was dating a “famous Los Angeles boy”.
Excusing myself for a moment, I go grab a couple waters for Matt and I from the kitchen.
“Oh hey, Y/N.” My aunt says, seeing me enter. Her and a collection of other family members were working on tonight’s dinner, the smell immediately making me hungry.
“Smells great in here.” I compliment, grabbing two bottles of water from the fridge.
“Thanks!” She beams at me. “Oh, your cousins are around here looking for you. They wouldn’t stop talking about how excited they were to see you.”
I laugh. “I’ll keep a look out for them.”
My aunt and uncle had two twin girls, Charlotte and Katherine. They had just turned six and they were adorable. I had spent a lot of my youth babysitting them, resulting in me having an older sister relationship with the girls.
Walking back to the parlor, I notice most of the family had gone to the back yard. Scanning the yard, I cannot seem to see Matt anywhere. I grab my phone to text him, but then I hear giggling coming from down the hall followed by a deeper laugh that I recognize to be Matt’s.
Walking down the hall, I notice the light in the playroom is on. I hear a few voices coming from inside.
“We’re going to make you look so pretty.” I hear a young voice that I recognize to be Katherine’s says.
“Oh, really?” Matt asks.
“Yes!” Charlotte assures. “Y/n is going to love it!”
I peek in the doorway to the playroom to see Matt sat on the floor, with my cousins braiding his hair. I notice he has a few hair bows in, along with a feather boa around his neck.
I giggle softly, watching my cousins give him a makeover.
“Can we paint your nails?” Charlotte eagerly asks.
Matt looks down at his nails, the old paint peeling off of them.
“I think I’m in need of a manicure, so sure!” Matt agrees.
“Kat, grab the princess stickers and pink polish!” Charlotte demands.
Hearing this, I accidentally laugh too loud, giving my position away. All three of their heads whip in my direction.
“Y/N!” Charlotte and Katherine say in unison, running up and hugging my legs.
“Hi, girls.” I say, bending down to hug them. “I see you’ve stolen my boyfriend.”
“Don’t you think he looks pretty?” Katherine asks, motioning towards Matt.
“I think he looks gorgeous.” I say, making eye contact with Matt, who chuckles softly.
“We were going to paint his nails, do you wanna help?” Charlotte asks.
“Of course!” I say, eagerly.
“Yay!” Both girls say in unison.
Sitting down, we begin painting Matt’s nails a bright shade of pink, complete with princess stickers on every other finger. When we were finished, we slowly walk Matt over to the mirror to check out his new look.
“I look awesome!” Matt says, bending down to the girls level. “Thank you, girls.” He opens his arms for a hug, as both girls practically tackle him.
I smile softly, my heart warming at the sight.
“I think next time, we should bring our princess dress for you to wear.” Katherine says.
Matt laughs. “I think that would be amazing.”
“Yeah, but we have to bring the Cinderella dress.” Charlotte says. Katherine raises a puzzled eyebrow. “To match his eyes, duh!”
“What do you think, Y/n?” Charlotte asks.
“I think he would make a beautiful Cinderella.” I smile, causing Matt and the girls to laugh.
A loud voice interrupts our laughter from the kitchen.
“Girls, dinner!” I hear my Uncle call.
“Our dad wants us!” Katherine tells Matt. “But we’ll finish this makeover another day.”
“I’ll be counting on it.” Matt winks, ruffling her hair.
The girls laugh as they run down the hall to the kitchen. I look at Matt, who’s covered in glitter from the feather boa.
“I’ll be their Cinderalla, as long as I’m your Prince Charming.” Matt says, pulling the boa off.
I laugh. “God, you’re cheesy.” I grab his hands, looking at the pink artwork on his fingernails. “I can’t wait to have this life with you one day.”
He pulls me into a hug, covering me in glitter. “I promise, one day, we’ll have all of this.” He says. “Every day.”
I lean back, grabbing one of the braided strands of hair. “I’m really digging these braids, though.”
“Yeah?” Matt laughs.
“Yeah.” I smile, pressing a small kiss on his lips.
“Now c’mon, I’m starving!” I say, leading him to the kitchen.
Matt stops on his tracks. “What, dressed like this?” He asks.
I smirk. “What, you embarrassed?”
“Never.” He replies, putting his boa back on before we exit the playroom.
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