#now ridiculously pleased that it is exactly 20k | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gukyi · 5 years

Text

do you want me (dead?) | jjk

summary: jeon jungkook, quidditch extraordinaire and overall pain in your ass, is the one problem you can’t seem to solve, even with years of being the school’s advice columnist under your belt. that is, until you begin to receive letters from someone under the alias of bambi, requesting help with confessing to a crush, and suddenly, your relationship with jeon jungkook takes a turn for... the worst?

{hogwarts!au, enemies to lovers!au}

pairing: jeon jungkook x female reader word count: 11k genre: fluff! just fluff !!! warnings: this may or may not be absolute self-indulgent trash. a/n: ha! you thought it would be like 20k, you were wrong. and honestly, i’m kind of glad it’s the same length as the rest of the sorted series. you know, for uniformity. anyway, enjoy this flaming garbage dumpster pile of a jungkook e2l fic. have i ever written anything more self indulgent? no? also, happy 2 years to gukyi dot tumblr dot com!!!!

Dear Y/N,

I need your help! I’ve liked this boy for a couple months now, and he’s friends with some of my friends, but any time he comes up to me I run away because I don’t know what to do. Whenever I’m around him I clam up and can’t say more than a couple of words before chickening out and running away. He probably thinks I hate him. Do you have any advice on how to tell him that I like him?

Yours truly, An awkward third-year

Dear An Awkward Third-Year,

Don’t be afraid! I’m sure we’ve all been there with the person we’re crushing on. The nervousness is totally natural. But the only way that he’s going to know how you feel is if you take initiative and tell him! I obviously can’t advise you too personally, but if you dance around the topic, you might confuse him! The worst thing that he can do is tell you no, but the only way to know if he feels the same way is if you tell him. And if you’re scared to just blurt it out, figure out some common interests and just worm it into the conversation. Don’t get too hung up over a boy, but do let him know how you feel! You may get some really great results. Good luck!

Yours truly, Y/N

The letters are dropped off at the front of the Slytherin table in the Great Hall every Thursday at exactly seven in the evening, right after you finish eating dinner but before you resign yourself to your dormitory for the night. They’re always neatly packaged, pushed into a nice little stack and wrapped together with a long string of tweed. It’s just enough time for you to read them all, select the three or four that will make it into the next issue of the school’s weekly newspaper, which prints on Sundays.

“I hate your owl,” Yuju says one Thursday night, feeding it bits of corn she’s plucking off of the cob on her plate. “He acts too much like my uncle’s nineteen-year-old golden retriever and not enough like an actual owl.” Her fingers drift away from its mouth and towards the side of its head, scratching it as it coos happily, curling into her touch.

“Why do you think I named him Dog?” You deadpan, unwrapping the stack of letters in front of you. “Stop feeding him corn. You know that the butter makes him throw up.”

“All the more reason to,” Yuju says, plucking off a couple more bits for Dog to wolf down before you actually begin to berate him. Half the reason he even lingers after dropping off the weekly papers, instead of flying off like the rest of the owls, is because both you and Yuju seem to have developed quite the soft spot for him. She moves on from the corn and to the tortilla on her plate, which she says is part of a deconstructed taco. It, in total honesty, looks like a very small, very measly, very insignificant Mexican buffet.

“I hate you,” she mumbles under her breath. It’s unclear if the words are directed at you, her best friend, or Dog, the owl with what she deems is the ‘most ridiculous name for an owl in the history of wizardry as the homo sapiens species knows it’, which is a bit of an overstatement if you do say so yourself. “I hate you and your dumbass name.”

“Stop, he can understand you,” you say, reaching over to cover Dog’s ears. Dog hoots unsuspectingly, looking as pleased as ever as he pecks at the tortilla in Yuju’s hands. “And stop feeding him. Pretty soon he’s going to stop eating the wholesale beetles I buy him because he’s been too exposed to the high quality deliciousness of the Great Hall’s cafeteria meals. It’s like dessert for him.”

“Fine,” Yuju says with a sigh, letting Dog nip the last piece of tortilla in her hand before shooing him off. He flies away with ease, but not before he sends a glare your way for limiting his Great Hall dinner intake. Great. Now not only will your owl begin refusing the healthy, hearty, cheap-for-the-quantity wholesale beetles, but he will also hate the hand that feeds it. Ungrateful feathered sausage.

Turning back to the reason that Dog was even being hand-fed the equivalent of McDonald’s milkshakes in the first place, you begin to shuffle through the stack of letters for the week. It’s not a very sizable stack, but that’s because it’s still the beginning of the year, and no one’s really figured out how the whole advice column thing works yet. Unlike you, a seasoned expert. It’s most of the same stuff, first and second years fretting over the workload and not knowing how to make friends or how to handle the professors. Typical beginning-of-the-year worries. You’ll know how to answer these with ease.

Yuju peers over to read some of the ones you’ve discarded, lying scattered on the deep mahogany of the table. She says it’s because sometimes she can offer valuable and indispensable advice, but you know it’s just because she’s nosy as hell and can’t help but look into other people’s business, even if they are anonymous.

“Wish I had this sort of thing when I was a baby first year,” she comments to herself. “Instead I just turned to you for all of my daily inconveniences.”

“Yeah, which is exactly why I started this column,” you remind her, memories of her flopping onto her bed in the dorm and groaning about all of her problems flickering through your mind. You’d never tell Yuju this, but your late night chats became the reason you approached the head of the school newspaper in your third year with a suggestion for an advice column.

You fish through the pockets of your robe, hunting for a spare pen so you can begin to formulate some responses when you hear loud stomping and obnoxious laughter coming from the entrance of the Great Hall. Glancing over from where you’re seated at the Slytherin table with Yuju by your side, you spot four boys clambering into the Great Hall, one with a particularly familiar tuft of bouncy, brown hair.

“Speaking of daily inconveniences,” you say sarcastically, eyes rolling like the magical night sky above your heads is mocking you. You don’t think you’ve done anything mean recently, so you can’t possibly imagine why karma has it out for you.

Except maybe it doesn’t matter, because Jeon Jungkook defies all laws of the universe and its natural system of rewards for good deeds and punishments for bad ones. All so he can exist in this very timeline, in this very location, in this very lifetime. Which so happens to perfectly coincide with your own.

Jeon Jungkook saunters into the Great Hall, footsteps heavy and jarring, just so he can remind everyone that he’s made an appearance. He laughs like a roar of thunder, forceful and purposefully. Exists obnoxiously, without regrets or second guesses.

“Maybe if you keep your head down and put your robe over yourself he won’t notice you—no, he’s coming over here.” Yuju says, making you nearly slam your head on the table in exasperation. “I tried,” she tells you helpfully, not sounding like she tried very much at all.

“Working on next week’s Witches’ & Wizard’s Counsel?” Jungkook asks instead of a hello, like any normal, non-annoying person who’s just trying to make casual conversation and not pointed and directed disturbances would do.

He snatches up one of the pieces of paper spread out on the table before you to inspect it. You reach out to wrestle him for it back, but not only is Jungkook across the table, he is also standing and taller than you anyway. “Hey, this person needs some advice for trying out for their house’s Quidditch team,” he says with a smug grin lacing his features, like he thinks he’s onto something. “Maybe I should give them a few pointers.”

“Give that back, Jeon Jungkook,” you say, reaching over the table with grabby hands to wrestle him for it back. He dodges your nimble yet crab claw-like fingers with ease. “You know that’s private.”

“It’s anonymous!” Jungkook cries defensively, even if he does cave and hand it back. “Besides, you’ll end up publishing it in the newspaper anyway. What’s another person taking a look at it, huh, Pumpkin?”

“Ugh,” you say, tilting your head back in exasperation. You swear, Jeon Jungkook takes off five years of your life just by existing within close proximity of you. “You’re never gonna let that go, are you?”

Jungkook chuckles. “You got to go to Hogsmeade for the very first time independently, nearly bought out Honeydukes’s Pumpkin Pasties stash, and then proceeded to vomit it up on the sidewalk two hours later after how many of them? Nine? Ten?” He asks, goading you on, and like a fool, you engage in it.

“That was four years ago!” You hiss.

“Doesn’t make it any less funny,” Jungkook admits. Next to you, Yuju’s on the verge of breaking out into giggles. “I’ll drop the nickname if you really want me to, Pumpkin, but I think it’s cute. It makes you different.”

“You’re the only person who calls me that,” you groan.

“It could be worse,” Yuju pipes up unhelpfully. “You could have vomited up a bunch of Cockroach Clusters, instead.”

Jungkook chuckles.

“You are not helping!” You glare at Yuju, who merely laughs. Seven years together and she’s never truly grasped the sensation of pure aggravation that you feel whenever a certain brown-haired Ravenclaw is nearby. “Why are you here, Jeon? Besides to give me a headache.”

“Want me to kiss it better?” Jungkook teases. You are on the verge of shoving Yuju’s half-eaten corn on the cob right up his nose. “What, am I not allowed to say hello to some of my favorite Slytherins out of the goodness of my heart?” He places a hand over his chest, mock offended you’d ever take a jab at his not-so-innocent intentions.

You frown. You don’t think Jungkook’s ever done anything out of the pure, unadulterated, so-called goodness of his heart. You should know. You write for the newspaper. There’s always fine print, always provisos and loopholes.

“I just came to check in on you,” he says innocently. You narrow your eyes. “Fine, and to remind you of my undying love.”

“My God,” you say, closing your eyes out of sheer annoyance. “If it doesn’t die soon, I think I’ll have to take matters into my own hands.”

“Harsh, pumpkin,” Jungkook says with a pout. “Never met someone so resistant to someone willing to devote their whole life to yours. Thought you were supposed to be all encouraging about love and nostalgia. Seems like your kind of thing.”

“You don’t know what kinds of things are my things,” you tell him defensively. It’s as if he can read you like a fucking board book. Have you always been so transparent? Or is it just him?

“But I want to know.” He winks for good measure. Your brain makes a mental note to steal a few beans from the stash of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans that Yuju keeps hidden in her trunk, so you can vomit later. “Sure you don’t want my help with that Quidditch letter?”

“I’m positive,” you deadpan. “I wouldn’t ask you for help even if Lord Voldemort returned.”

“Good thing he won’t, right?” Jungkook grins, all teeth and crinkled eyes. Someone from the Gryffindor table calls his name. What a goddamn shame your conversation’s been cut short. “I’ll catch you around, Pumpkin,” he says as he begins to bound off, always a fully-charged battery of a human being. “Don’t forget about me, won’t you?”

You couldn’t even if you tried.

Jungkook leaps off to interact with people that don’t see red whenever they speak to him as Yuju mutters something about how much she wants to destroy the Ravenclaw quidditch team this season.

You look down at the letter Jungkook had mindlessly picked up.

Dear Y/N,

I really want to try out for my House’s Quidditch team, but I’m too scared! I know that they’re in need of a Seeker, but I’m Muggleborn and I’ve only ever been on a broom during Flying Class. My friends say that I have a good eye for small things and that I should go for it, but I’m afraid that everyone will laugh at me because I don’t have any experience. I’ve tried reading books and watching other people play, but I don’t think it’s helping. And every time I try to get a broom to practice on the field, I see people who are really good at it, like Jeon Jungkook, and I chicken out. Do you think I’ll ever be as good at it as he is?

Yours Truly, A Seeker Hopeful

You groan. The bewitched ceiling of the Great Hall laughs at you.

Here’s the thing about Jeon Jungkook: he wasn’t always such a nuisance.

Or at least, giving him the benefit of the doubt, you assume he wasn’t always such a nuisance. Whether or not he’s always been this sleazy and unbearable will forever remain a mystery to you, but you can say with certain confidence that ever since you met him in the third year, he’s been nothing but a complete and total bother.

You love your best friend dearly, but Yuju joining the Quidditch team in your third year was the worst thing that’s ever happened to you. Because Quidditch equates to Quidditch friends, and Quidditch friends equates to a certain insufferable Ravenclaw seeker.

The whole point of the formation of the universe is that everything that has ever happened since the very fabric of time began has led up to this moment. Which, in theory, seems pretty goddamn astounding. The universe has twisted, turned, morphed, metamorphosized over the past fourteen billion years just so you could be right here, right now.

Except theory is always more idealized in reality, and there aren’t enough words in the English language to express how overwhelmingly bothered you are by the fact that it took the universe fourteen billion years, fourteen billion goddamn years, for you to end up next to Jeon Jungkook.

But hey, maybe Jeon Jungkook wasn’t always such a nuisance.

“Have you guys noticed something different about Hufflepuff this year?” Yeeun asks one Thursday night as you’re gathered in the Slytherin common room. She’s letting Yuju give her a haircut, sitting patiently on a wooden stool as Yuju flitters and flutters about her, the pair of scissors in her hand leaving little paths of blonde hair in their wake. “They’re getting more aggressive.”

“Aggressive how?” Yuju asks. Her eyes widen when the scissors move a bit too quickly, chopping off more hair than they can chew. Yuju glares at you—keep your mouth shut. Hair grows back.

“Not like, violent aggressive. But Quidditch season started like, a week ago and yesterday I was eating my lunch in the Great Hall when a herd of Puffs wearing full Puff memorabilia—scarves and everything—stormed in and screamed, ‘WE’LL HUFF, AND WE’LL PUFF, AND WE’LL BLOW YOU OFF YOUR BROOMS!’ And quite frankly, it was so much Puff Pride that I was actually scared,” Yeeun recalls.

Yuju chuckles to herself, shaking her head. “I guess we’ll just have to prove them wrong, eh? Next time we play Puff, I’ll make sure that they don’t get a single Quaffle through the hoops.”

“You better,” Yeeun huffs.

“You gonna watch?” Yuju asks. “It’s your duty as a rising seventh-year. Can’t believe you’re gonna be seventeen next year, huh?”

“Can’t believe you guys are graduating this year,” Yeeun says in response, frown lacing her features. You have to agree with her—though you only know Yeeun from house activities, she’s definitely become one of your favorite people. Alongside Yuju, of course.

The chatter continues as Yuju dutifully snips away at Yeeun’s hair, making sure it’s just above shoulder-length like Yeeun likes it. You filter through the letters you received for the weekly column, still stacked neatly wrapped up in tweed—the Great Hall was serving tomato soup for dinner, otherwise you would have read through them all during supper, beginning to narrow down the small pile to the three or four you’ll keep for the newspaper.

“Hey! Bambi’s sent another one,” you exclaim happily, recognizing the scrawl of Dear Y/N instantly, always so distinct. Or maybe that’s because Bambi’s been sending you letters since the beginning of your sixth year, so you’d be a fool not to recognize his handwriting, or at least the way he writes Dear Y/N, by now.

Yuju grunts in acknowledgement of your exclamation at the same time that Yeeun, baby, sixth-year, pureblood Yeeun says, “What’s a Bambi?”

“Oh, the name of a character from an old Muggle film,” you explain, knowing that any more technicalities will confuse her. “He’s one of the regulars I get for my column. He’s been sending me nice letters ever since the beginning of last year.”

“Aw, maybe he’s got a crush on you!” Yeeun immediately exclaims, making Yuju jerk away from her hair sharply, on the verge of bursting into laughter.

You shake your head. “I doubt it, since anonymity isn’t the best way to confess feelings. But he’s sweet and sometimes won’t even ask me for advice—just sends me a note telling me that I’m working hard for the column and doing a good job. Little pick-me-ups, things like that. It’s really nice of him, actually. I don’t normally get thanked for my advice column.”

“That’s bullshit,” Yeeun grumbles. “You deserve every newspaper award in the world for all the work you put into that thing.”

“Everyone else who contributes to the newspaper works just as hard as I do,” you remind her. You glance down at Bambi’s note, neat cursive handwriting resting gently on the paper, like it’ll fly away like dandelion wisps if you blow at it. “But it is nice to get stuff from him, sometimes.”

“Y/N likes this anonymous Bambi more than she likes us,” Yuju jokes to Yeeun, finishing up the final touches. Yeeun’s hair, as always, looks wonderful. Yuju has a talent for this kind of thing. She motions to the paper in your hand. “What’s it say?”

Dear Y/N,

Over the past couple of weeks I have come to a life-ruining, world-ending, universe-collapsing conclusion: I have a crush. I mean, I suppose I’ve had this crush for a while now, but I only just recently realized it. Anyway, to put it into less melodramatic terms, there’s this girl that I really like. Like, stupid like. It’s kind of ridiculous. All of my friends tease me about it. But I just think that she’s funny and beautiful and creative and witty and a long list of other positive adjectives. Only problem is (here’s the earth-shattering part): I have no idea how to tell her. And I’m afraid that it might just slip out accidentally and then my chance for a grand romantic gesture will be ruined. Any suggestions?

Yours truly, Bambi

“Aw, he’s got a crush!” You exclaim happily, fawning over his words.

“Lemme see,” Yuju demands, making grabby hands for the paper. You hand it over to her, and she inspects it like a textbook passage she doesn’t understand and has to reread. “Um, if you ask me, personally, this is less like a crush and more like complete infatuation. Just saying.”

“And?” You ask defensively.

“You have never been in a relationship before,” Yuju says, looking you dead in the eyes with her big brown ones. She punctuates each word with a head jerk for emphasis.

“So what? He’s asking me for advice on a school crush. This is Hogwarts—relationships built here aren’t meant to last. We’re teenagers. We don’t know what real love is.”

Yuju rolls her eyes as she hands Yeeun a mirror for her to see her new haircut. “But from the looks of it, it sounds like he does. Maybe it is just a schoolboy crush, but Bambi, whoever the hell he is, seems pretty dedicated to it. You ever thought about that?”

You pout. This conversation is going nowhere, and by going nowhere, you mean quickly morphing into reasonable yet angry comments directed at you.

Yuju sighs, voice getting softer. She can never stay mad at you for long. “You should stop being so jaded all of the time. You’re an advice columnist, for God’s sake, Y/N. Look on the bright side.” Yeeun beams a thank you at Yuju for her haircut. “Sometimes, love lasts.”

Quidditch has never been your thing. Activities that involve flying have never been your thing. The idea of whizzing around a field fifty feet in the air as bugs fly into your face while sitting on a broomstick makes all parts of you uncomfortable, from your brain to your… lower regions.

Long story short, athletic sports that don’t involve two feet almost always on the ground aren’t really your thing. But you’ll be damned if you don’t support your best friend and your house until the day you perish.

Which is exactly why you’re sitting in the bleachers of the Quidditch field in the middle of a very strangely warm November afternoon, the sun beating down on your black robes, absorbing as much heat as physically possible. Despite it being near winter, the effects of Muggle-made (and wizard-made, but wizards don’t like taking blame for the slow heat death of the only inhabitable planet within the known parameters of space) climate change reign, and you shrug off your heavy robes to leave only your undershirt and tie on within five minutes of being outside.

Yuju’s dragged you out to one of her informal, house-inclusive Quidditch get-togethers (not serious enough to be a practice, but not light enough to be deigned hanging out) under the guise of moral support, leaving you sat pathetically on the bleachers as your best friend and her Quidditch buddies zip around above you. They’re tossing around the Quaffle like a strange, very mobile game of Hot Potato.

It’s the perfect time for you to get your homework done, the ambient sounds of “Hey, Clark, think fast!” and “You almost hit my goddamn nose!” the optimal background noise for peak productivity. And you’d never admit it to Yuju (because it would mean that you actually enjoy sitting out in the sun being boring), but the empty bleachers make pretty decent tables.

You’re switching back and forth from your completely and utterly incomprehensible arithmancy homework and edits for the newspaper—other sections, of course—when you hear the familiar sound of a broom coming to a halt in front of (or more above) you, the sound cutting right through the air and wind. You have half of a mind to not even look up, suspecting it’s just Yuju to complain about the fifth-year Gryffindor Beaters she hates, when—

“Pumpkin, come to watch me?”

You should have known better. It’s no surprise that Jeon Jungkook’s here today—he’d never pass up the opportunity to flaunt his Quidditch skills. Your presence is just a bonus.

“Yes, Jungkook,” you deadpan. A frown etches itself across your lips, partially because of the person you’re talking to, and partially because said person is blocking your view of the sun, which you would otherwise stare into so as to never have to lay eyes on Jeon Jungkook again. “Out of the dozen or so people on that field, one of whom being my best friend, you are the person I’m here to watch.”

Jungkook grins, and though his face is shadowed, the rays of the sun cast some sort of deceivingly angelic glow around his figure. “Always knew you had a soft spot for me.”

“Yeah, no one I’d rather knock off their broom than you,” you mutter to yourself, just loud enough for Jungkook to hear. You’re not sure if he’s still paying attention, but if he is, he doesn’t say anything.

“Jeon! Stop schmoozing and get over here!”

Both you and Jungkook turn to the source of the voice, another one of the Ravenclaws out at practice who’s waiting atop their broom for Jungkook to get off his ass and do what he came here to do.

Jungkook grins guiltily. “Looks like they need me, pumpkin. Watch this next trick, it’s for you!”

Before you have the chance to remind Jungkook of how little you care for him and his tricks, he flies off, leaving an empty pathway of air in his wake. You don’t know what he’s got up his sleep, but if it’s anything like the other tricks he’s pulled over the five years that you’ve known him, you know better than to wait and find out.

Someone else comes to a halt beside you. It’s Yuju. “What was Jeon Jungkook doing talking to you?”

You frown. “What do you think?”

Yuju chuckles. “Right. I forgot he was going to be here. You didn’t have to stay if you knew he was here, you know.”

“You kidding? Of course I’m gonna come and cheer on my best friend,” you say, shrugging it off. Yuju’s worth the suffering that Quidditch brings. “Go Yuju!”

“You’re the best,” Yuju says with a grin. You shrug. You know you are.

“Hey, pumpkin! Check this out!”

Jeon Jungkook calls your name at the perfect time—just enough time for you to actually follow his directions and look towards him. Someone on the far side of the field tosses a small, non-active Snitch in your general direction, and Jungkook tears after it, reaching the puny thing in just under a couple of seconds, a quick flip of his broom as he catches it in his right hand. You don’t have enough time—or willpower, for that matter—to look away before he’s turning his head to you, blowing you an obnoxious kiss just for good measure.

“Christ,” Yuju snorts from next to you. “He’ll never give up, will he?”

You sigh. Maybe in your dreams, he might.

Dear Y/N,

Okay, maybe I should give you a bit more context to the aforementioned life-shattering crush I seem to have developed. We do actually know each other—I’m not just sadly pining after her from a distance—but we’re not exactly friends. Maybe acquaintances at best, but even that term might be pushing it. I’m just not sure how to tell her how I feel without coming off too strong, or scaring her. Even if she doesn’t feel the same, that’s the last thing I’d want. What should I do?

Yours truly, Bambi

Dear Bambi,

Hey, at least you both know each other! That’s a step in the right direction. I don’t know if this is universal, or if I’m the only one who thinks it’s decent advice, but maybe you should try getting to know her as a friend before you dive into the romantic stuff. That way, she’ll feel more comfortable around you and the air will be less awkward in general. If she’s not interested in just getting to know you better, then you’ll probably have a pretty good measure of whether or not she might feel the same romantically. Good luck!

Yours truly, Y/N

“Was Arithmancy homework always this difficult?” Yeeun asks, madly flipping through the textbook in front of her. It’s a small, old thing, notes scribbled in the margins from the three older brothers she has that took the course before her, passed down their sage wisdom and little doodles to her in the form of all of their beat-up textbooks. “I have no idea what’s happening in class right now.”

“Don’t worry,” you say, dipping your quill into the small blue jar of ink at the edge of the library table you’re seated at, charmed to refill automatically. “It gets worse.”

Yeeun groans. She takes one more look at the work in front of her and begins to pack up her belongings.

“Hey, where you going?” You ask. “You said you had the afternoon free to study.”

“I do. But I’m on the verge of breaking down because I don’t understand anything so I’m going to go talk to the Professor to see if he can help me and if he can’t, then I will be hiding in the Potions closet crying. So you’ll know where I am,” Yeeun says as calmly as she can muster. She looks perfectly fine on the outside, always so put-together and polished, but after knowing her for so long, you know that if you just tapped on her shoulder her entire façade would fall to the floor and shatter into a million pieces. So you don’t push it.

“Okay,” you tell her. “Be safe. Don’t drink anything in the Potions closet because that might make you worse at Arithmancy.”

“Got it,” Yeeun says, shooting you a finger gun before heading out of the library.

You’re left in silence, struggling to draft an essay for Defense Against the Dark Arts which is due at the end of the week, when someone else plops down in Yeeun’s place.

Much to your surprise, it’s Jungkook. And it doesn’t look like he’s here to bother you—or at least, that’s what you hope, considering he’s got his own schoolwork with him, spreading out comfortably as he begins to work, practically ignorant of your presence.

Now that you think about it, this is how it should have always been. The two of you, coexisting comfortably and without disturbances, keeping to yourselves and only talking if necessary. But now that Jungkook’s here, right in front of you, and he’s not saying a word, it leaves you with a prickle on your skin. A sense of peculiarity, because in the five years you’ve known him Jungkook has never been one to sit down and stay quiet.

“Can I help you with something?” You blurt, unable to keep your mouth shut when Jungkook’s sitting right there.

He looks up at you, a knowing glint in his eye, and smiles. “No. Just doing my work, pumpkin.”

It’s aggravating how calm he is. He knows he’s being just annoying enough to get under your skin, but you can’t really shout at him without seeming like the villain.

He’s always one step ahead of you.

“Well,” you stammer, watching as his lips curve upwards into a smirk, “can you do your work somewhere else? Please?”

“Why?” Jungkook pushes. “I’m being quiet. I’m keeping to myself. What’s the harm?”

You sneer, narrowing your eyes suspiciously. “Are you sure that I can’t help you with anything?”

Jungkook chuckles. “Well, if you must ask, I was wondering if you were up for studying together sometime. Since you haven’t magicked me out of my seat, I’m assuming you don’t mind me actually being here.”

You sputter, trying to defend yourself. Of course you mind him being here. You mind him being within a twenty-feet radius of you. You were only asking because it’s very unlikely that Jeon Jungkook would just plop down in the seat across from you in the library, pull out his books, and begin to study without a single word. Especially if he was across from you. “W—Well, why on earth would I study with you anyway? What am I getting out of it?”

Jungkook tsks. “You know, Pumpkin, sometimes people do things out of the good of their hearts. Do you really need a reason to study with me, a poor Ravenclaw who’s just trying to graduate?”

You glare at him.

“Alright, alright,” Jungkook caves. “I need help in Transfiguration and I hear that you’re pretty good at it. There.”

“What am I getting out of it?”

“What, you won’t just do this for me? I’m wounded, Pumpkin.”

Another glare.

“Fine,” Jungkook says with a roll of his eyes. “A little bird told me that you need a bit of help in Defense, so I figured we could help tutor each other. You know, like one of those symbiotic relationships.”

“That snake,” you mutter under your breath. How could Yuju tell Jeon Jungkook, of all people, that you’re struggling in Defense Against the Dark Arts? How could she betray you like that?

“So, whaddaya say?” Jungkook asks, stretching a hand out across the table. “You in?”

You sigh. Spending more time than absolutely necessary with Jeon Jungkook sounds like your own personal hell, but you suppose it can’t all be bad. After all, he’ll be at your mercy just as much as you’ll be at his, seeing as you both need help in your respective classes. So maybe there is a silver lining, after all.

You meet his eyes directly, dark and stormy and certain. “I’m in.”

Against all odds and several vows you had made yourself over the years, studying with Jungkook becomes somewhat of a normal thing. You work out a schedule—Wednesdays at four, the only day he doesn’t have Quidditch practice and one of the few days of the week you’re not fretting over the newspaper issue—and follow it dutifully, weeks passing with the two of you meeting up at the same table in the library, going over the lessons of the week and working out anything you missed.

It’s strange, having a faithful and consistent arrangement with someone you, at one point, wouldn’t be caught dead spending time with. And the strangest part of it all is that slowly, some part of you, some crevice deep within your bones and your soul and your being, actually begins to look forward to Wednesdays at four, where Jungkook will be arriving at your usual table, unpacking his belongings with a soft smile on his face, unaware he’s being watched.

That’s the thing you’ve come to realize. You’ve only ever known Jungkook when he’s knows he’s center stage, when he knows that there are eyes on him. Every time you’ve been around him prior to this, he’s been in the spotlight, got someone who’s paying attention to him. And suddenly, you’re catching him whistling to himself as he takes notes from his Transfiguration textbook and sneezing when the feathers of his quill brush against his nose accidentally and doing little dances when he gets a question right. Suddenly, he’s existing in the background, by himself, without the hard gazes of the people around him. And it’s different.

Or maybe it’s always been like this. You’ve just never had the luxury of witnessing it.

“Hey, Pumpkin,” Jungkook says, tapping your parchment with his quill to get your attention. “Does this make sense to you? I don’t get it.”

He flips around his textbook and points to a passage, brows furrowed as he tries to read it again, hoping maybe the words will stick this time. You squint slightly—out of habit—as you go over the text, the words slowly processing.

“Oh, yeah,” you say, nodding. Jungkook looks up at you like you just saved his life. “It’s just explaining the technicalities of the difference between conjuring charms and traditional conjuring transfigurations. See, charms will enhance an already-existing object, but conjuring transfigurations create something new entirely. But it’s kind of confusing, I have to admit, since both exist in their own realm of magical spells.”

“So conjuring charms create something in addition to something else, but conjuring transfigurations just make something new, then?” Jungkook asks for clarification.

“Exactly.”

“Oh, alright,” Jungkook says with a dutiful nod, quickly scribbling it down in his notes. “You make it so much easier than this damn textbook.” He grins honestly, earnestly, as he goes back to reading the rest of the chapter, leaving you to your own devices once more. These days, it’s not so much direct tutoring as it is studying together.

Against all odds, Jeon Jungkook has become someone you actually don’t dread being around. In moments like these, he is soft-spoken, gentle, and sincere.

It’s strange. Has it always been like this?

Dear Y/N,

Good news: I think we’re friends. Or at least, I think we’re friends. I’m not sure about her, but I’d like to think she feels the same way. Except now, the problem is that because we’re friends, I’m getting more and more nervous! I swear, every time I’m around her my hands get all clammy and sweaty and disgusting because I’m scared that if I do end up confessing and she doesn’t feel that way, we’ll lose what we already have. But do we even have anything in the first place? I’m not even sure if she thinks we’re friends! What now?

Yours truly, A Slightly-Panicked Bambi

Dear A Slightly-Panicked Bambi,

Don’t worry! Chances are that if you think you’re friends, she probably thinks that you’re friends as well, which is a great step in the right direction. I’d say that now you’ve established yourselves as friends, your next move is to slowly reveal your romantic intentions. Don’t pile them on her all at once because it might be too overwhelming. Try subtly incorporating romantic gestures into your relationship as it is now, like compliments and really, really lowkey flirts, to see if she picks up on the message. See where that takes you!

Yours truly, Y/N

It’s snowing.

It’s been snowing, really, for the past week now. It was a couple centimeters on one day and a few more on another day but this weekend has been the full force of it, a steady blanket of white covering the grounds.

But that doesn’t mean the seventh year Hogsmeade trip is cancelled. As Yuju likes to put it, Hogwarts doesn’t believe in rainchecks. Besides, Hogsmeade always looks prettier in the snow, when the flakes leave a soft pillow on the sloped rooftops of the buildings and Honeydukes brings out its seasonal treats, sugared snowflakes and peppermint toffee lining the windowsill. The peppermint toffee is a favorite of both yours and Yuju’s, but you know where your true loyalties lie (Pumpkin Pasties, of course).

“Thank God it’s the beginning of the semester otherwise I would be so stressed right now,” Yuju says happily as you walk along the pavement, feeling the wet cold of snowflakes falling onto your nose, your ears, and your fingertips. “Oh! Hey!”

Your best friend starts waving wildly at a small group of students standing outside of The Three Broomsticks. Through the snow, you recognize them as some of Yuju’s Quidditch buddies.

“Mind if we hang out with them?” Yuju asks, knowing that sometimes you like to keep your Hogsmeade trips an exclusive between the two of you.

“The more the merrier, right?” You say in response, letting yourself be dragged over to where they’re waiting. It’s two Gryffindors, one Hufflepuff, and two Ravenclaws, one of whom is barely recognizable under the thick blue scarf he’s got wrapped around the lower half of his head and the beanie covering his brunette hair.

“Hey, Pumpkin,” he says, voice muffled through the knit of his scarf. “Didn’t know you’d be joining us.”

“Well, here I am,” you say. “You know I’m only here for Yuju, right?”

Jungkook chuckles, and you watch as the air he breathes out through his nose materializes into fog from the cold. “Sure, you keep telling yourself that.”

You gasp, smacking his arm. “What’s that supposed to mean!”

Jungkook laughs, no time to respond before your group is trotting off, everyone shouting out random sights to see, like the Shrieking Shack or Zonko’s, the snow making everyone’s hearts a little colder, a little softer, and a little lighter.

You bounce around, making stops at all of your favorite locations around the area, including The Three Broomsticks for a round of celebratory Butterbeer, marking your final year at Hogwarts and praying that you’ll all graduate.

“Okay, sue me, but hot apple cider is way better than Butterbeer,” Jungkook says loudly, a moustache of Butterbeer foam decorating his mouth. His words spark an eruption of indignant exclamations, Muggleborns and purebloods alike insisting that Jungkook’s tastebuds are incorrect and have to be clinically checked. Because he is wrong.

Except he isn’t, and hot apple cider on a cold day by a lit fireplace is better than lukewarm Butterbeer, or even hot Butterbeer, any day.

“This might be the only thing we ever agree on, but you’re right,” you mutter to him, leaning over to whisper it in his ear.

Jungkook grins proudly.

Later that day finds you in Honeydukes, which is objectively the best location in all of Hogsmeade, no arguments. What more could you want out of a place other than constant, never-ending sweets? Nothing. Every time you visit Hogsmeade you make sure to drop by Honeydukes, say hello to the kind old lady behind the counter (who knows you by name), and buy a couple of your favorite items.

“I’m so tempted to get like, five slices of the lemon merengue pie,” Yuju says with a sigh, eyeing the display case longingly.

“Aren’t you lactose intolerant?” You say, more of a reminder than a question.

“And what about it?” Yuju says, almost like a challenge, before marching up to the register, already fishing through her pockets for her purse.

Your eyes wander back to the glass case, thinking that maybe, after five years of coming to Hogsmeade, you should branch out and not get the exact same thing that you get every time you come to Honeydukes (the aforementioned Pumpkin Pasties). The peppermint toffee looks delicious, and even though you’ve never tried them before, Yeeun always fawns over the Fizzing Whizbees—says it’s a better way to levitate than trying to cast Wingardium Leviosa on yourself. Chocolate Frogs are a classic you very rarely indulge yourself in, and you could never go wrong with Cauldron Cakes—

“Pumpkin,” Jungkook says, giving you a small shove as he arrives next to you with a bag from Honeydukes, taped shut. His scarf has been pulled down below his chin, revealing his bright red nose from the sudden change in temperature from the chilly outside to the heated store. “Here.”

You narrow your eyes. “If this is a cockroach cluster I’m going to sock you in the face.”

“Just open it,” Jungkook says with a roll of his eyes.

You do as you’re instructed, albeit hesitantly, only to find three neatly-wrapped Pumpkin Pasties sitting at the bottom of the Honeydukes branded paper bag, waiting to be devoured.

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” you say softly, unable to stop the smile that spreads across your face. No one’s ever bought you sweets before. “Here, let me pay you back—”

“No need, Pumpkin,” Jungkook says, placing a cold hand on top of yours to stop you from getting your wallet out. “Consider it a thank you for all the time you spent helping me with Transfiguration.” You nearly shiver at the sensation of his skin meeting yours.

“Really?” You ask. “Well, thank you for thinking of me. I don’t know why you’re being so… nice to me, but it’s a pleasant change.”

Jungkook pouts. “Don’t you remember how I’m madly in love with you?” Of course, the moment you compliment him he turns back into his regular self. You shouldn’t have put it past him. “Had to honor your nickname, didn’t I?”

“Hey, do you want one?” You ask, figuring that it’s only right he gets to eat one of the treats he paid for.

“Sure,” Jungkook says happily, letting you pull one of the neatly packaged desserts out of the bag and place it in his hand. “Promise me you won’t throw up this one this time?”

For once, the memory of you vomiting up the contents of your stomach into a trashcan outside of Honeydukes doesn’t make you want to cringe. Instead, you laugh, recalling it with fondness as you and Jungkook clink together your Pumpkin Pasties like goblets filled with wine.

You giggle. “Don’t hold me to that.”

Thursday night finds you right where you always are, but with a new face across from you. Jungkook’s taken it upon himself to add onto your Wednesday evening study sessions, insisting he accompany you to dinner when you’re finished, and even on the next day as well, sometimes. You keep telling yourself that it’s because you’re best friends with Yuju, who knew Jungkook first through Quidditch. Because it’s highly improbable that Jungkook would want to join in on your Great Hall dinners just for you. Right?

“When’s the mail getting here?” Yuju huffs, poking at her half-eaten bowl of peas. “Dog’s the only one I know who’d actually want to finish my lukewarm buttered peas.”

“You know that the butter makes him throw up, Yuju,” you berate her. “Feed him something else. Preferably the food that I buy him that is meant for owls to consume.”

“But what else am I supposed to do with my peas? I don’t want to just leave them. That’s a waste,” Yuju exclaims.

“I’ll have ‘em,” Jungkook offers up. That’s one bonus of his sudden appearance at your dinner table—he’ll eat anything you won’t, like a food vacuum cleaner. “I love vegetables.”

Yuju looks hesitant. “I think I’ll just let Dog throw up.”

“Hey!” You shout at her.

Speaking of Dog, the mail begins to filter in, dozens of owls entering the Great Hall with packages hanging from their talons on their beaks, to be dropped off at their owners’ tables, right in front of their eyes. In the middle of the year, not many students are getting mail, but just like every other week, Dog appears faithfully to deliver your letters for the week.

“Is this the stuff for the Witches’ and Wizards’ Counsel?” Jungkook asks over a mouthful of chicken.

“Yeah,” you tell him, rubbing the side of Dog’s head as a thank you. “Oh, it’s a pretty small stack this week.”

“Guess no one’s having troubles this time of year,” Yuju comments, already beginning to spoon-feed Dog her peas. At this point, you don’t even care if Dog throws up. As long as he does it in the owlery, it won’t greatly inconvenience you.

You unwrap the tweed, letting it fall to the floor for one of the cats that roam the hallways of Hogwarts to play with, and begin to shuffle through the few letters that people sent you. It’s just enough for a full issue for the newspaper, thank God. “Hey, look. Bambi’s sent another one.”

Jungkook drops his fork onto his plate, the metal making a loud, disruptive clanking sound as it hits the glass. You, Yuju, and Dog, all turn to him, watching as he smiles guiltily, slowly picking up his fork and pretending that his clumsiness never happened.

“What’s this one about?” Yuju asks, hissing at Dog when he accidentally bites her finger.

“Lemme see,” you say, making to open the envelope.

“Who’s—Who’s Bambi?” Jungkook asks, mouth full. Dog seems to have notice the plethora of food still left on Jungkook’s plate, and is slowly making his way over to peck at Jungkook’s dinner rather than Yuju’s.

“Oh, just this guy who’s been sending me letters since the beginning of sixth year,” you muse happily. Jungkook nods, mumbling something unintelligible over his mouthful of food. “Sometimes he asks for advice but sometimes he just sends me kind words, which is honestly so thoughtful of him.”

“That’s nice,” Jungkook seems to say, though his words are quiet and muffled.

“And recently he’s been coming to me with questions about a girl that he likes and I just wish that I could give him better advice, you know?” You say, watching as Dog marches over to Jungkook, happily chewing on a piece of chicken he’s stolen from Jungkook’s plate, cooing contentedly. “Like, I feel like the advice I’m giving him on how to confess to this girl is the just what I would want if I was the girl, but obviously that’s not universal. Or at least, I don’t think it is. I don’t know. He’s always been so nice to me and I wish that I could give him better advice than what I’m giving him now.”

Jungkook nods again as acknowledgement that he’s still listening, though his eyes are trained on his plate as his hand instinctively comes up to rub at Dog.

Which strikes you as odd, because Dog doesn’t really cozy up to strangers, even if he will pick food off of their plates. He’s a relatively amicable owl—which is why he’s good for the your advice column, because he won’t bite at anybody’s fingers when they drop off their letters—but he won’t let just anyone pet him like Jungkook does. Like Jungkook is.

“Um,” you say, getting Jungkook’s attention. “Do you and Dog… know each other?” You ask, watching in some sort of trance as Jungkook scratches at Dog’s neck, making him coo happily.

“Me?” Jungkook asks, nearly sputtering. “No,” he says immediately. “I didn’t even know he was named Dog until today. Which, clever name, by the way. Why? Is he not normally, uh, like this?”

“No,” you say, suspiciously but of no one in particular. More just of the situation in general. “He doesn’t normally accept pets from strangers.”

Jungkook smiles down at Dog, who looks plenty happy to be receiving a good petting, regardless of the hand that’s giving it to him. “Guess I’m just different, then.”

“Yeah,” you say, nodding. You reach your fingers out to see if Dog will return to you, his rightful owner, but he’s firm in his will to stay right where Jungkook can rub him. “I guess so.”

Not even animals are immune to the bewitching charms of a certain Jeon Jungkook.

Dear Y/N,

Okay, maybe it’s just because I’m clueless but I’m not really sure if she’s picking up what I’m putting down, if you know what I mean. Maybe she is and I just haven’t noticed, but as far as I’m aware, we’re still just friends. Which is fine, and I’ll totally accept that without complaining, but I haven’t even told her how I feel. Do you think I should just go for it? I mean, I don’t know what else to do at this point. Honestly, I feel like I just need to come clean and deal with the consequences in an appropriate and relaxed manner. She probably doesn’t even feel the same, but that’s okay. As long as I try, right?

Yours truly, A Very Fretful Bambi

Dear A Very Fretful Bambi,

At this point, I think that you can take matters into your own hands. If you want to confess to her, I’d say go for it! You’ve made your intentions fairly clear at this point. And it’s okay if she doesn’t feel the same—you guys are still friends, after all! I don’t know you personally, but you seem like a confident, strong-willed person and if you feel ready, then there’s no reason not to tell her. The worst she can do is say no, right? But, if you’re as kind as you’ve made yourself out to be since you first began to message me, then I don’t think she will. Good luck!

Yours truly, Y/N

The halls of the castle are eerily quiet at this hour. The moon shines through the big glass windows that line the corridors, casting its pale white light along the frescos that decorate the walls. You’ve been down this path plenty of times before, plenty of sleepless nights and tired eyes behind you, behind your seven years here. By now, you could walk this road in your sleep. You bet you have.

The astronomy tower is the most beautiful place in all of Hogwarts. Sure, students may insist that the ceiling of the Great Hall is the most picturesque, or their common rooms are the most homey, but the grounds are the most breathtaking, but all of those pale in comparison to the glass ceiling of the astronomy tower, showered in stars and planets above on a clear night, like your very own planetarium. Pale in comparison to the telescope you look through during class, catching glimpses of faraway galaxies that light up their own little corners of the universe.

It’s a wondrous place to be, the astronomy tower on a clear night, where you can empty your thoughts into the world and let the stars see inside your mind, watch as they twinkle their responses. And so, it’s no wonder that you most often find yourself here when the comfort of your dormitory isn’t enough, when sleep just won’t overtake you like it does most other nights.

Only, this time, when you open the door, the shadow of someone sitting on the steps that look out onto the glass balcony is waiting for you.

“Hello?” You ask into the silence, hearing your voice echo along the walls.

The shadow turns, and suddenly the side of Jungkook’s face is bathed in the light from the moon and the stars, half of his profile hidden from view and the other basking in a white, nightly glow. It’s stunning.

“Pumpkin?” He asks in response.

“What are you doing up here?” You ask, walking over to him. He’s curled up on the steps, leaning against one of the pillars with his knees pulled up to his chest, like a baby.

“’M just thinking, Pumpkin,” Jungkook muses. “Care to join me?”

Your legs move before your brain does, making to sit down next to him, when you falter, thinking that if Jungkook’s going to blab to you at two in the morning on a spring night, you’d rather just go back to your common room and do your thinking there. That’s the beauty of thinking—it’s in silence.

“I mean, I don’t really want to disturb you, you know,” you say tentatively, backing up.

“Aw, please?” Jungkook asks, pushing his lip out into a pout as he blinks up at you. In the moonlight, in the starlight, in the light of the faraway galaxies and planets and supernovas, Jungkook’s eyes look like they’re swimming in stars. “It’s lonely up here.”

And maybe it’s your love for the astronomy tower that keeps you there, or maybe it’s the way he looks at you or the way he’s curled up like a pillbug as he watches the stars slowly shift across the sky, but you take your seat next to him, a good bit of distance between the two of you as you slowly make yourself comfortable, watching out onto the glass balcony at the quiet of the world beneath you.

There aren’t enough words in the English language to describe what this feels like. To describe how, after years of toil and trouble, years of back-and-forth teasing and insults, you and Jungkook have found yourself sitting together in the dim light of the astronomy tower late one weekday night at the end of your final year of school, watching the stars together. It’s almost surreal, in a way. That every moment in the universe has led up to this. Up to you being here.

Never have you spent so much time together in silence.

Jungkook seems to shimmer in the moonlight. Perhaps it’s just because the moonlight bathes everyone in a heavenly glimmer, but Jungkook looks particularly dazzling, like the very fabric of his bones were made of stardust. Strange. You’d never felt particularly attracted to him, not when his big mouth and obnoxious personality overshadowed his looks, but you’ve never been one to deny his timelessness. He’s always been handsome—his looks will never go out of style. So maybe that’s why, when he sits beneath the moon and the stars, he glows. Because the moon knows that Jungkook can only get prettier.

“Pumpkin,” Jungkook says, breaking the silence with nothing more than a whisper. “I’ve got a question.”

“What?”

“Do you ever think that maybe, with certain things, you should just give up? Because you don’t know if you’ll ever get what you really want?”

“What?” You ask again, eyes wide open as you look at him. “You? Giving up? What alternate universe is this?”

Jungkook laughs, but it’s soft and half-hearted. “I don’t know. I’m just—I’m not sure if this thing that I’m trying to do is going to work out, you know?”

In the five years you have known Jungkook, as a student, as a Quidditch player, and even, dare you say, a friend, never have you imagined him being one to give up.

“Okay,” you say, “I know that maybe right now, the outlook isn’t looking promising. But you should never give up, especially if you haven’t gotten an outright no. If you don’t know for certain the future of your situation, then why should you stop working for the future that you want? You’re Jeon Jungkook, you don’t give up on anything. You work super hard for your grades and when you don’t understand something in Transfiguration you work at it until you do, and you spend hours on the Quidditch field trying to perfect ur eyesight to catch the Snitch even though there’s no magical spell for 20/20 vision, and you work your hardest and do your best and thats why you’re good at school and amazing at Quidditch and—”

“You think I’m amazing at Quidditch?”

You look over at Jungkook to see that he’s closed the gap between the two of you, his shoulder coming to rest right next to yours, and he’s looking at you with a misty haze in his eyes, the stars above you clouded and foggy in his dark irises. But he’s grinning, and grinning wide, because you just gave this totally unwarranted pep talk to him and told him he was amazing at Quidditch and a great student and everything else that you said, and Oh, God.

“Yeah…” You say hesitantly, “but don’t get a big head, asshole.”

“Believe me,” Jungkook says with a scoff, “the only big parts about me are my love for you.” You narrow your eyes. “That, and one other thing.”

You gasp in shock, totally unsurprised yet caught off guard nonetheless by his words, giving him a small shove against the staircase. But you’re not scowling, or frowning, or glaring at him. You’re laughing, because suddenly Jeon Jungkook is not just amazing at Quidditch, and a great student. He’s wonderful. In every way he is, and it might just be the way the moon illuminates him ever so perfectly that’s making you feel this way, but maybe this has been a long time coming.

Here’s the thing about Jeon Jungkook: he wasn’t always such a nuisance.

Because when you weren’t watching him, when he was sitting in his dorm room studying, or hiding in the astronomy tower, or wandering through the bookshelves in the library, he was quiet, and beautiful, and looked at the world like it had so much to offer him. When Jeon Jungkook let the world around him exist without him being in the spotlight, he was everything but a nuisance.

And even when he was acting loud, and being big, and teasing you, he wasn’t doing it to hurt. He was doing it because all he could tease you about was how much he loved you, whatever that meant, and how his heart was yours and how if you just opened your eyes you’d see him, and suddenly your vision’s never been clearer and he’s right there, in front of you. And it’s crazy, how these things work. How suddenly, everything’s been flipped on its side because, as it turns out, your heart is his.

How this moment, right here, sitting on the steps in the astronomy tower as the stars twinkle like Christmas lights above you, was fourteen billion years in the making. And the best part? It was worth the wait.

“Come on, hurry up!” Yeeun shouts at you as you’re quickly filing through the letters you received last night. You were too rushed to check them at dinner, what with Yuju on your arm stress-eating because of the Quidditch match she had to compete in the next day, the final one of the season. “I want good seats so we can see Yuju!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” you say, quickly tearing open the first envelope so you can give it a quick glance over, planning on writing your responses over the weekend, after the Quidditch Cup. Yeeun’s standing in front of the mirror, trying to fix her Slytherin beanie, alongside the rest of the green and silver memorabilia she’s decked herself out in.

You open the first one and recognize the handwriting instantly, the familiar calligraphy of Dear Y/N, this one looking particularly nice. Like the person writing it had taken their time, done it with purpose.

Dear Y/N,

This may or may not be my last letter, depending on how this goes. But I just wanted you to know that on Friday, I’ll be in the air with the rest of my house, playing our very best game of the season. And I’ll be searching for the Snitch, as I’m supposed to, but above even that, I’ll be looking out for you. Because I love you, and more than anything else, I just wanted you to know that.

P.S.: Feel free not to respond to this one publicly.

Yours truly, Bambi

And the piece of paper drops to the floor, the hard edges of it hitting the hardwood with a soft thud.

Because that letter, and all of the ones coming before it, ever since the beginning of sixth year, could have only been written by one person. Someone who’s in your year, and a seeker for their house’s Quidditch team. And it’s certainly not your team’s seeker, because she’s a girl and also a fifth year. Someone who’s playing in this year’s Quidditch Cup. A Ravenclaw.

Holy shit.

“Come on, slowpoke! We have to go!” Yeeun says excitedly, running over to you and grabbing onto your arm. She pulls you out the door before your brain has a chance to process the information you just learned, the letter you just read. And you spend the entire journey to the bleachers of the Quidditch field in a daze, barely cognizant of the world around you, even as Madam Hooch blows her whistle and begins the game, even as the players whiz around on their brooms above you. Next to you, Yeeun’s screeching, or maybe she isn’t—you can’t really be sure, with the noise in your brain. You think that you wave to Yuju when she passes by your section of the bleachers, winking down at your group, but you’re not sure.

The only thing you remember is seeing Jungkook, in all of his Ravenclaw glory, sitting proudly atop his Firebolt as he darts around the field like a bullet, eyes keenly looking out for the Snitch. You only ever see him play when it’s against Slytherin, but you can say with certainty that in his entire Quidditch career, this is the best he’s ever played. The most he’s dedicated himself to his sport, the hardest he’s ever worked. He flies above the crowd and it’s as if the very fabric of the air is at his beck and call, bends to his will. You don’t need to know much about Quidditch to know that Jungkook is a good player, but this game is better than good. It’s inspiring.

And it pays off, too, because suddenly the commentator is screaming into the microphone that “Jeon Jungkook has caught the Snitch! Ravenclaw wins!” and the entire quarter of Ravenclaws have burst into cheers while the Slytherin quarter begins to sulk, beaten at their chance to win the Quidditch Cup. And Jungkook is coming to a halt in the middle of the field, the golden Snitch, sparkling in the sun, clenched tightly in between his fingers as the rest of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team crowds around him, chanting “Jeon Jungkook! Jeon Jungkook! Jeon Jungkook!”

Your very last Quidditch Cup as a Hogwarts student and you couldn’t remember more than ten seconds of it if you tried. It passed you by in a blur, a haze of movement and shouts and cheers, and suddenly the bleachers around you are half as filled as they were before, and then a quarter as filled, and then only stragglers are left, gathering their belongings and heading back to the Slytherin common room, where your house is bound to party despite losing, as a celebration of a team that worked as hard as they possibly could.

“Hey, Y/N,” Yeeun says, a hand on your arm. She looks awfully sad, but she’s still got one more year to see Slytherin win the Quidditch Cup. She’ll be alright. “You coming?”

You look out onto the field to see the Ravenclaw Quidditch team pulling each other into a giant hug, everyone patting each other on the backs and cheering after a successful season. And somewhere, in the center of that pile, is a certain brown-haired boy with the stars lacing his eyes.

“In a second, I just have to do something first,” you tell Yeeun, who shrugs in response and flutters off by herself.

You move before your brain can tell you to stop, for fear that if your mind catches up to your legs, you’ll chicken out. Slowly, but certainly, you make your way out of the bleachers and onto the field, feeling so much smaller now that your feet are firmly on the ground, the seats meters above you. You’ve never been onto the actual Quidditch field. Well, until now, at least.

Blinking, you take a deep breath and march right up to the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, who have given Jungkook hug after hug for bringing their team and house to victory, and you shout, “JEON JUNGKOOK!”

And Jungkook whips his head around, sweaty and gross and exhausted and beautiful, and he says, “Yes, Pumpkin?”

And you fist your hand into his damp Ravenclaw Quidditch uniform and pull him into a bruising kiss, his lips crashing against yours, still warm from all the blood rushing through his veins. He makes a pleasantly surprised non-sound into your mouth, eyes crinkling up into half moons as he pulls you in, letting his gloved hand wrap around your waist. Behind him, the entire Ravenclaw Quidditch team has burst into hoots and hollers, but you barely hear them. All you can see, feel, and imagine, is him.

When you part, he looks dazed, kiss drunk, grinning his lopsided grin. He’s never looked prettier. “What’s all this about, Pumpkin?” He asks, even though he already knows the answer. “I thought you hated me.”

“Wrong again, Jeon,” you tell him instantly, shaking your head. “I don’t hate you. I love you.”

Jungkook can’t help but smile, wide as the goddamn ocean, wrapping his hand around you once more and pulling you back into another kiss, this one even more intense than the last. Your hands come up to rest against his cheeks, blushing red from the adrenaline pumping through him, letting your body melt against the heat of his own. He keeps you close, pulls you in impossibly closer, lets his entire body wrap around yours, lets his lips dance along your own, plush and warm and searing. And Jungkook is beautiful, and wonderful, and perfect, and suddenly, he’s yours.

Dear Y/N,

Okay, this is definitely my final letter. Because I can just talk to you if I actually have a problem. I just wanted to remind you, Thursday-night Y/N, as you read through all of the letters for this week, that I love you. In case you forgot. So, I love you.

Yours truly, Bambi

hard to believe this series is over already!! thank you so much to everyone, from my silent followers to the ones that message me daily, you guys are the reason i did this. the reason i wrote 70k of pure hogwarts aus. for you guys!!! i’m extremely proud of where i’ve come with this series, and it’s crazy that it’s over !

as i previously mentioned, it’s my blog’s 2 year anniversary today, and i suppose it’s only fitting i post a self-indulgent jungkook fic to commemorate it, seeing as that very genre was the first fic i ever posted on this blog. thank you again, to everyone, for these past two years. despite the trash pile that is tumblr, you make this website a wonderful place to be. here’s to many more!

#jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #bts fluff #bts angst #bts scenario #jungkook scenario #bts imagine #jungkook imagine #bts au #jungkook au #bts hogwarts au #bts hogwarts #jungkook hogwarts au #w: do you want me (dead?)#w: sorted #OHHHH MY GOD ITS OVER !!!!

7K notes · View notes

astoldbygingersnaps · 3 years

Text

Harper’s 2020 Fic Wrap-Up

my very good friend and incredibly talented felow writer @sagemoderocklee came up with the idea of doing an end of the year fic wrapup in an attempt to polish the turd known as 2020, and since i actually managed to get some writing done this year i figured, why not jump on the bandwagon?

a lot of super duper fucking shitty things happened in 2020, but i will always be proud that in this incredibly chaotic, stressful, and challenging year i managed to produce almost 180k of content (and that’s not even counting the writing i started in 2020 but haven’t published yet). so, to celebrate what’s been a pretty big achievement for me, i wanted to go through the various projects i’ve spent the last twelve months working on and give a preview of my plans for 2021.

let’s jump in!

projects i worked on/completed in 2020:

first off, let’s start with the beast to end all beasts, my personal baby, and honestly probably the reason most people follow me -- star trek au:

something bigger than the sky (shiita; 44,163 words; completed):

i’ve said this before, but the whole idea for star trek au was literally just a joke between me and my-then girlfriend, now-fiancee, and eternal shiita enabler alexa aka @durintrash (by the way, if you follow me for my fics and you DON’T follow alexa for her corresponding art WHAT, exactly, are you doing with your life????) where i sat in a space-themed diner and said ‘haha imagine itachi as a vulcan.’ but then i blinked and suddenly somehow i’d written the prologue and the first chapter of SBTTS in the span of a week. it’s like i was possessed by a fanfic demon.

it sounds super cheesy but i honestly can’t say enough how important this fic has been to me and how much it’s pushed me to be a more productive and more dedicated writer. previously i spent a lot of time Thinking about writing and occasionally i’d put a few words on the page and then i’d go... do... something... else. but star trek au was the first idea i loved enough that it actually pushed me to write and keep writing and not give up even when i was confronted with things like writer’s block and worry over the quality of my writing. so thank you, star trek au, for being the light in a very dark year for me.

by the end of SBTTS, i felt like i accomplished everything i wanted to do with the story’s beginning installment: i introduced all the characters and set the groundwork for their development; i showed what life on the corvus was like and how starfleet, the federation, and the universe functioned; and, more than anything, i was able to sketch out both the main protagonists -- itachi and shisui -- with all their strengths and flaws, show their relationship to one another, and hint at how that relationship would progress.

all the stars are closer (shiita; 75,195 words; completed)

considering how slow i used to be at writing, i thought it would be, like, twelve years before i managed to get to the second part in the series. BUT then covid happened and i half-lost, half-quit my job, and like a lot of people this year i ended up with a lot of free time on my hands. and so, like a fucking demon, i finished this part in two and a half months.

when i originally planned this part out, i really thought it would be a lot shorter and a lot lighter atmosphere-wise than it turned out. instead, this second section of the story ended up being pretty meaty in terms of length and in subject.

that said, overall, i’m really happy with how ATSAC turned out. i loved the way the characters progressed, how the relationships deepened, and how we were able to see this universe grow bigger and more complicated. and i’m very satisifed with how it set the stage for part three, which takes us to...

lovers alone wear sunlight (shiita; 41,518 words; in progress)

there’s... a lot about this part that i just can’t talk about yet, a) because it isn’t finished and b) because it contains some of the biggest plot points in the entire series thus far. if you’ve been keeping up with the stardates thus far (which i encourage you to do!) you know what part three is leading up to: itachi leaving the corvus and the dissolution of shisui and itachi’s growing relationship.

with that in mind, i’m... more than a little terrified about writing part three, which is why the third chapter has been languishing in my google drive for months now. (and also why i started not one, but TWO new fics to cope with my writer’s block. whoops.) chapter three is where all the parts come together and shit hits the fan, and i can only hope that everyone will be as excited to read it as i am to publish it.

next up, the two other projects i began this year:

salvation comes only in our dreams (shiita; canon divergence; 16,835 words; in progress)

for a long time, i’ve wanted to write something that’s actually set in the naruto universe and works to correct a lot of the flaws that i see in the series. there are a lot of things that bother me about naruto, but i think one of the things that frustrates me the most is the really messy and in some ways offensive resolution to the uchiha coup plot thread, and i wanted to write a story that dealt with the complicated themes of the series--imperialism, oppression, genocide, child soldiers--but, like, didn’t suck and completely drop the ball. thus, the massacre au was born.

my main goal was to tell a story that showed a lot of these characters in ways we’ve never seen them before, specifically itachi. i didn’t want to write itachi as just an idealist who suffers and Suffers AND SUFFERS for konoha yet still remains loyal to the village for some unfathomable reason like he is in the series. i wanted to write an itachi that was sharper, more jaded, and more suspicious of the world around him, but overall was still a good person with a kind heart. and for shisui, well... obviously there’s a lot going on there, too.

this is easily the darkest story i’ve ever written, and as the plot thickens it will certainly get darker with relationship dynamics that are complicated and unhealthy At Best. i hope that as the story goes on it’s a ride people continue to enjoy, as i was super pleasantly surprised at how popular this fic became (compared to my usual stats, at least)

oceans between us (shiita; alternate universe; 15,039 words; in progress)

it’s good to know that i continue to be the most ridiculously niche version of myself as yes, i wrote a fucking shiita atonement au.

with each fic i write i try to have a very specific voice that suits the particular piece and distinguishes it from other stories that include the same characters. for example, star trek au chapters tend to be more fun and light-hearted (especially shisui POV chapters) and lean more into the action movie and sci-fi adventure feel of the star trek universe, while the massacre au is written in a way that’s much heavier and guided by itachi’s emotions and experiences. my main goal with this story was to give it the same romantic, operatic, almost hazy quality that the movie has, which reflects the period setting and also the nature of this grand tragic love story.

i knew from the beginning that there were going to be a lot of things that i cut from the film in my retelling, like the lola subplot and obviously the setting of pre-wwii england. i also knew i wanted to explore some of the aspects of the film that were implied more than outright stated, like the themes of classism and upper-class privileges. and more than anything i wanted to structure this piece around this idea of tension building and building until it finally snaps and there’s just a world of mess and hurt and loss that affects these two characters in two very different ways.

also, the sex scene. i haven’t written a sex scene for anything in, like, a decade, so that was a lot of pressure. but i’m happy with how it came out and i think it ended up being an aspect of the story that felt like both a natural progression and necessary to show the affection these two people have for one another.

originally i was just going to end the story with shisui going to jail, but when i told alexa this i genuinely thought she was going to kill me. so, that didn’t happen lmao. but the more i tried to imagine what a second chapter would look like, the more i realized she was right, and it would have been a terrible idea to end the fic there. as for whether or not the final chapter will keep That Ending... who can say?

goals i have for 2021:

finishing lovers alone wear sunlight and, if i’m very lucky, beginning the fourth and second to last part of star trek au (yes, as it currently stands this 160k+ word series is only halfway finished. sorry not sorry)

publishing the next chapter of salvation comes only in our dreams (i don’t know when it will drop. i don’t know anything about this fic. please do not @ me)

completing oceans between us (the second and final chapter is currently sitting at about 4k words and will probably end up at about 15k in total)

completing and publishing a new fic i’ve started at the very end of 2020, which is the shiita jurassic world au nobody but me and alexa knew they wanted. it’s essentially a 90s romcom with dinosaurs and i cannot Wait to share it. (it’s at about 9k right now and will probably end up being around 20k to 23k in total... maybe...)

FINALLY starting my dream project: the shiita olympics au i’ve been planning for years, where itachi is a figure skater and shisui is a hockey player (i’d like to keep this under 150k but at this point trying to keep my stories at a managable word count is a losing battle)

anyway, that’s it! if you managed to get this far in this very self-indulgent and shameless bit of self promotion, congrats! also, a very big thank you to everyone who’s read my fics, left me kudos and comments, and spent their time on my work, because it really does mean the world to me.

here’s hoping 2021 is a much healthier and happier year for us all!

#my fic #shiita #this was so much fun to write so kudos to eeri for coming up with this idea

18 notes · View notes

mitsususu · 4 years

Text

I still don’t have the right look, and I still have the same three friends, and I’m pretty much the same as I was back then. High school never ends! It’s never too late to get that second chance. Below are my Top 5 Favorite stories:

“The starry sky” (E, 21k) by lockedlocke

Upon receiving an invitation to his High School reunion, Steve decides to go purely out of spite. What he doesn't take into consideration, however, is that he will have to face Bucky again for the first time in years.

+ Inseparable until graduation, they were desperate for each other but too young to know how to stay together. What better way to reconnect than fucking in the back of a pickup truck?

-☆-

“Brooklyn Barnes” (M, 20k) by littleblackfox

“The fates have spoken, sir,” Natalia sounds too damned pleased. “They want you to go home. And kill some guy while you’re there.”

+ A Grosse Point Blank movie AU. Bucky’s a retiring assassin who reunites with his high school sweetheart

-☆-

“old haunts” (M, 17k) by shestepsintotheriver

Steve's ten year high school reunion is just around the corner. He's not going.

Except he is.

So many things have changed, including himself. But one thing that hasn't? His old crush on Bucky Barnes, the boy who never looked at Steve if he could avoid it. But maybe this time... that, too, will be different.

+ Steve’s determined to show off his Revenge Body, and discovers what was going on with Bucky all those years ago

-☆-

“you sit there in your heartache (waiting on some beautiful boy)” (NR, 3k) by RainyForecast

“You have the most ridiculous inferiority complex I’ve ever seen, darling,” Peggy tells him, not for the first time. “Ridiculous, because you are wonderful. And this is the perfect opportunity to exorcise some of those old demons of yours. Now roll up your sleeves so your ink shows.”

Steve does as she says, muttering that she’s definitely right about demons being involved, then takes a deep breath and walks up the familiar steps into Edward R. Murrow High School, following the tacky “Class of 2006 10 Yr Reunion!!!” signs to his inevitable doom.

+ The boys may have lost touch with each other, but Peg and Nat are the ultimate matchmakers

-☆-

“So Take a Chance” (G, 1k) by FromFarAway

Steve Rogers attends his high school reunion, confronts past bullies, and learns something new about an old classmate.

+ Sam is Steve’s emotional support guest and Nat is the winner of bets

-☆-

-☆- And an adjacent freebie! -☆-

“How Exactly Should I Phrase It?” (T, 3k) by 74days

Bucky is pretty sure the guy at his gym is the same guy he blew at a party when he was a teenager, but he's got no idea how to ask that question. His best friend is no help at all, and in the end, it's pretty easy.

+ Not a high school reunion, but they were in high school together, and it’s a reunion. Mutual pining fluff!

-☆-

*More Stucky Recs here

#stucky #stucky fic #lockedlocke #littleblackfox #shestepsintotheriver #RainyForecast #FromFarAway #74days #fic rec #Top 5 Favs

17 notes · View notes

dearlazerbunny · 5 years

Text

Lie to Me (Ch 1 of ?)

Pairings: Loki x Reader

Genre/Ratings: M eventually (aiming for a slow burn here); warnings for kidnapping and subsequent anxiety/PTSD (will be marked before every chapter)

Words: 2200

Summary: If you had to guess what the captured, traitor, trickster god Loki Laufeyson wanted or needed at this moment, a babysitter would be far, far down on the list. (Set after the events of Avengers 1.)

If I don’t post what I already have it’s never going to get finished soooo have some Loki. Hovering around 20k rn But I still have a looooot left to write. If anyone is interested in beta-ing/helping me flesh out ideas hit me up!

“You.” You look up with a very good impression of a deer caught in headlights. The woman beckoning to you is clearly high up in the SHIELD hierarchy; her suit probably costs more than your entire life is worth. “Are you free?”

You glance down at the coffee you were supposed to be delivering to your coworkers. That could probably wait. “Um, yes ma’am?”

“Come with me.” She starts off in a brisk walk down the corridor, her heels clicking sharply on the floor. You follow without question, trying not to tug on your uniform too harshly in an attempt to break it in a little better. You still aren’t used to the issued clothing, considering you’ve worn the default uniform of hoodies and jeans of a college academic most of your life.

She herds you into a bare bones room, just a table and a few chairs. You stand until she gestures for you to sit, not sure why she’s even glancing your way. You’re a lackey, nothing more. Certainly not worth the attention of Maria Hill.

The woman tosses a folder onto then table, and it impressively lands squarely in front of you. “I’m assuming you’re aware of recent events?”

You raise an eyebrow. “If you’re referring to Manhattan, then yes. It’s been a bit hellacious around here.” Like there wasn’t a person on earth who hadn’t seen the footage of monstrous black aliens pouring out of a glowing portal in the sky. Everyone has been scrambling to control the situation that is blatantly so far out of their control they might as well be fighting sci-fi aliens with Neanderthal tools. It’d be amusing if it wasn’t so terrifying. “Are you with the clean-up crew?”

“Sort of.” She gestures to the folder and you open it. Inside are crystal-clear photos of Earth’s newly minted heroes and a horde of special agents escorting a raven-haired man into a transport vehicle. “Look familiar?”

You release a small breath. Intellectually, you know this is the man- god- who just tried to make himself king of humanity and threatened the entire Earth to do it. But that doesn’t stop the wonder and amazement from washing over you. Loki, Norse god of mischief, real and in the flesh. In the background you can see the golden-haired Thor, swinging his mythical hammer. Well, not exactly mythical, is it? It’s real. They’re real. All the gods and realms and monsters and mayhem that have captivated you since childhood and ultimately lead to multiple degrees on the subjects- they’re real. It’s absolutely incredible. “Yes,” you say, probably a little more wondrously that you mean for it to be.

“We’ve got Loki in custody.” She says his name so nonchalantly, like she isn’t referring to a thousands of years old immortal demigod of the golden realm of Asgard. “And we have no idea what to do with him.”

“And this has to do with me somehow?”

“Yes and no.” She sighs heavily, like she needed to be done with this shit a decade ago. “SHIELD is treating the prisoner with kiddie gloves. Fury wants every single loophole filled and locked down three times over. So we can’t just throw him in a deep dark hole and forget about him- he needs to be afforded certain… rights.” The tone of her voice implies she doesn’t agree with this sentiment.

“Like what?”

“Like company, while we sort out all the red tape so we can prosecute him properly.”

“Company.” You’re completely lost. “He needs a babysitter?”

That makes a small smile flick across her lips. “If you want to call it that. We’re not happy about it, believe me. It’s an undeniable risk. But the lawyers are demanding it, and god knows we have to keep the lawyers happy.” A pinch appears between your eyebrows. You don’t like where this is going. “So. Will you do it?”

“Me?” You squeak, then immediately try to get yourself under control. “Why me? I was literally hired a month ago, I have no qualifications to do anything like this-”

She holds up a hand. “We know. That’s the point. All you need to do is sit in his cell for a few hours every day and pretend to look interested in whatever he’s rambling about. If he talks; he’s been completely silent since we picked him up. Take a book and a few snacks with you, don’t let him schmooze you into doing anything traitorous, and you’ll be fine. Plus,” she continued, “with your background we figured you’d be at least mildly interested.”

Damn. They’ve got you there. Several masters’ in mythology along with years of a childlike fascination means you’ve been ridiculously curious about Earth’s new visitors ever since Mjolnir landed in New Mexico. The spark in your eyes must have been obvious, because Agent Hill holds out a slender hand. “Have we got a deal?”

And so, not hours later, you find yourself wandering into the depths of SHIELD’s base. “Hi there.”

The room is depressingly stark and sterile- you thought you’d gotten used to being surrounded by the chrome and weird futuristic plastic that are apparently now the only two building materials left on Earth since starting at SHIELD, but this place takes it to a whole new level. And it’s newly constructed, based on the smell of drying concrete and fresh shavings peeling up around the screw holes in the corners. There’s a small, utilitarian metal desk and chair that’s been provided for you in the center of the room, so you drop your notepad and pencil onto the tabletop with a clang and pull out the chair. It screeches painfully against the floor, making you wince. Okay, no more of that. You suck in your stomach and slide in between the table and chair so neither have to move. A little tight, but you can make it work.

The other man in the room, framed behind a wall of glass, has not reacted to any of this.

He looks exactly how he did on TV, minus the leather armor and extravagant gold horned helmet. It’s all been replaced with the thin grey uniform SHIELD deems prison garb. You have to admit, he looks a lot less intimidating sitting pale and silent against the wall, handcuffs glowing faintly around his wrists.

“Um- can you hear me?”

Still no response. He doesn’t even seem to notice you’ve entered the room. Uuuuuuum, okay... There’s a microphone attached to the desk. You lean into it, frowning, fiddling with a few of the dials at the base. Then you tap on it and speak directly into the mic. “Can you hear me?” The man flinches wildly, a radical break in his composure, and his eyes dart to you angrily. “Oh, gosh, sorry, okay, let me-” you turn the dial down a few notches. “Better?”

The volume doesn’t seem to be at max level anymore- he doesn’t flinch again- but he also doesn’t say anything else. “I’m going to need verbal confirmation that you can hear me.”

He doesn’t look at you. He doesn’t seem to be looking at anything. His gaze is focused on some middling thing opposite of him, something invisible on the horizon, but he’s hardly glazed over- emerald eyes are bright and sharp, flickering lightly. They are not the eyes of a defeated man, far from it. More like one who has about fifteen thousand and twenty three plans all running through his head at once.

You suppose that should scare you, but SHIELD has reassured you that the cell is one of the most technologically advanced cells they’ve ever constructed. Also, those cuffs have some sort of magic-diffusing abilities, so no funny business there. Then again, he did basically destroy all of Manhattan, like, less than a week ago. You hadn’t even been in that part of the country at the time, SHIELD had called you in from D.C., but you can still feel the horror grip your chest in a vice watching skyscrapers fall to tatters on the news-

“Yes.”

His voice is so soft you almost don’t catch it. It pulls you from your thoughts nonetheless. “Oh. Okay, great.” You pull your pencil to you and neatly label the first page of your notepad with today’s date in the top corner. If you were going be stuck with him, you might as well take notes. Think of the papers you could publish! “Can you please, uh, state your name for the record?” That sounded professional, right? You’ve heard it on Law and Order a lot, anyways.

The prisoner raises one eyebrow slowly. “Really?” He draws out that one word into a three-second attack of sarcasm, but you simply shrug your shoulders.

“It’s protocol.”

“I am Loki Laufeyson, Prince of Asgard, God of Mischief and Lies.” With every title he spits from his mouth, his eyes flash dangerously.

“O-kay.” You jot that down on your notepad, giving it an underline for good measure. “And how would you like to be addressed?”

“Your highness.” He says it as easily as he might’ve said Bob or Ricky.

You blink. “Um. Not sure that’s within my pay grade, but we’ll see how it goes.”

“Where am I?”

“A very secure holding cell,” you answer confidently, and the god scowls at you. He’s apparently waiting for more information, but you shake your head- “that is literally all the information I’m allowed to give you about that.” You glance up at the camera tacked to the ceiling of the room. “Also, you’re being recorded at all times. Gotta tell you that for legalities sake.”

“SHIELD has always so been worried about legalities.”

That gets a small snort from you, and you tap the end of your pencil on your paper. “So-”

“Who are you, exactly?” He suddenly sounds very, very tired, and a little angry, like he’s already done humoring you. “And why are you bothering me?”

“Y/N.” You give him a little wave, since you obviously can’t shake his hand. “I’m a, well- archivist, of sorts. SHIELD brought me in to talk to you.”

“And you’re, what? Fury’s pet?”

“Hardly. I’ve been here less than a month. I don’t think this uniform has even been washed yet.”

Another eyebrow raise. “An interesting choice to interrogate their most wanted prisoner.”

You tap a little more frantically. “I think it’s so if you end up getting into my head, I won’t be able to give anything up,” you say thoughtfully. There’s a huff over the speakers you’re hearing him through. “Also, this isn’t an interrogation.”

“No?”

“Nope. I’m not really qualified for that.”

“Then what are you qualified for?”

“Jeg snakker norsk,” you offer, honestly wondering that question yourself. The look he gives you is a mixed amount of horrified and amused. “They thought it might be helpful speaking in a familiar language, I guess?”

“They do know I can speak literally hundreds of thousands of languages spanning any galaxy you care to name,” he says, apparently stunned by the new heights of SHIELD’s stupidity.

You sigh. “Yeah. I thought it was a stupid idea too.”

“This is laughable.” He’s on his feet now, close to the glass and staring you down threateningly. “Why have I not been removed to Asgard? They will presumably want to prosecute me for my crimes.”

“Um, I think they’re planning on it. But they want me to, um, talk to you first.”

“About what.”

“Well. Anything you want, really.”

“I have nothing to say to you mortals,” he spits, and the word splats on the ground like it’s a curse.

“That’s cool, I get that. But right now all the bureaucrats are running themselves in circles trying to figure out what to do with you, and all that red tape is going to take some time to untangle. In the meantime, they want to make sure you don’t go crazy from the solitude or something.”

“Since when has SHIELD cared about my well being?”

“I mean, you’ve still got rights and stuff. You can’t just sit here for who knows how long with only yourself for company.”

“And why not?”

“Wouldn’t you get lonely?”

“Forgive me, but I hardly think you are going to provide any sort of adequate mental stimulation.”

Geez, way to hit below the belt. “You can request someone else if you want. They pretty much just picked me out of a lineup and threw me on you, I don’t really think they care who sits here with you.”

“What would be the point? SHIELD only hires imbeciles and fools.”

“Well, then. I guess you’re stuck with me for a while.”

The man slumps back, apparently not encouraged by your words. Then he punches the wall with one of his restrained hands and screams angrily in clear frustration.

This is going to go so well.

A/N: Jeg snakker norsk = I speak Norwegian

194 notes · View notes

sign-from-god-complex · 5 years

Text

A Gift From Me To You - Chapter 5

Chapter Summary: Logan examines his emotions.

Warnings: Mild description of a panic attack? Not necessarily sure that’s what it was, but jic! Suicide mention.

A/N: Boy, this whole fic is just 20k+ words of hurt/comfort, huh? Well, I’m nothing if not predictable I suppose 😆

Also, I don't even have one more full chapter written, so not loving that! I don't want to have to put off the next upload but I might have to if I can't get another chapter finished in time. I was worried this would happen when I started the fic, honestly, but I went for it anyway. With any luck, it'll all work out okay.

AO3 Link // Link to Chapter One! // And Two! // And Three! // And Four!

Logan was an idiot.

Yes, he knew that this ruse wasn’t going to last forever, but he had been at least hoping it would have granted him a couple of days. It seemed he couldn’t even get that. He sighed. He really needed to stop underestimating Patton’s mothering abilities.

The whole situation was exhausting. It didn’t make any sense! There was absolutely no reason for him to develop a soulmark at 17 years of age—no reason, of course, except for the universe wanting him to suffer. He was perfectly fine on his own, he was independent and self-sufficient and that’s the way he preferred it.

That was a lie, of course. He was self-aware enough to realise that.

No matter how much he tried to pretend he was completely independent, he knew that so much of his mental wellbeing relied on the wellbeing of his friends. Keeping Patton and Roman happy had become one of Logan’s top priorities, often causing him to go out of his way to do things he wouldn’t normally do, such as take an extra cookie to school with him for Patton, or attend those ridiculous stage productions Roman so adored.

Truthfully, the first time Logan had seen Patton his immediate thoughts had essentially been, “Oh, no, please don’t come over and talk to me”.

Patton had seemed so bubbly and far, far too intense for Logan’s liking and when he’d headed over to introduce himself once they’d been paired up for the project, Logan had tensed. Though, Patton, ever the empath, had picked up on this immediately.

Patton’s first greeting to Logan had been bright, but it had been soft somehow. When they talked about the project, it wasn’t Logan giving 100% and Patton leeching off his ideas, Patton took an active part in the planning sessions and even engaged in some pretty excellent discussions.

His friendship with Patton was one of the most balanced relationships Logan had ever been a part of—even if there were far more puns than he would like—and if Logan ever pushed too hard, Patton pushed back, just enough for him to realise he was being an asshole.

And Roman. Oh, Roman.

This year Logan found himself looking forward to attending math classes far more than he ever had in his life. Math had always been boring for him, as it was generally very easy and had little real-world application, but now he knew that he’d get a chance to see Roman and that made all the difference.

Logan acted as if he was annoyed by Roman’s incessant rambling, pretending not to listen as he talked about whatever amazing TV show Logan had to watch. Quite honestly, though, he found it calming. It was nice to be able to socialise with someone like that, to not have to worry about coming up with appropriate responses because Roman had the whole conversation covered.

Logan’s relationship with Roman was definitely passionate if nothing else. A fair amount of their interactions ended in disagreements, regardless of how serious they were, and if Roman didn’t insult him at least twice a day Logan would be worried something was wrong.

They had their soft moments all the same though. A favourite of his was the time Roman had asked Logan to tutor him in maths. It was the first time Logan had really seen him display any kind of insecurity; he knew that Roman’s exaggerated self-confidence was a lie, but he’d never seen it deflate quite as quickly as it did that day.

Logan had persevered though, encouraging Roman as well as he was able and trying to come up with alternative ways for him to absorb the information that he needed. When Roman bumped his test scores up from a D to a B+, the look of absolute joy on his face as he hugged Logan was something he couldn’t forget if he tried.

He wasn’t exactly sure how he’d let it get this point, but Logan was stupidly in love with his best friends.

Stupidly, because clearly, they were already together. He knew developing feelings for them was just setting himself up to get hurt, but his heart (or his brain, if you wanted to be scientifically accurate) refused to listen.

He tried to ignore it as best he could—he couldn’t afford to be dealing with emotions—but sometimes Patton would giggle or Roman would jokingly flirt with him and Logan would forget he’s supposed to be pretending. He’d open up just a little bit further to those wonderful feelings before shutting it all down again. He couldn’t. And now he especially couldn’t.

He had a soulmate—a reality he didn’t want to face but was true nonetheless.

He was going to get sucked into someone else’s world, someone he likely didn’t care about being with in the first place. He was going to have his feelings manipulated to view them as the most important person he’d ever met, the most incredible partner he could ever have... And then the eventual tragedy. There’s a reason the suicide rate among soulmates is so high; once one of them dies, the other soon follows, he knows that well.

He didn’t want any of that! He didn’t want to be forced to fall in love, to be so utterly dependant on someone he doesn’t even know. Things were fine the way they were! He didn’t need to be with Roman and Patton as long as he could just be near them, and he didn’t want some imaginary “perfect partner” to come and steal him away from his best friends. It was completely ridiculous!

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Everything about this was stupid! He was locked into this stupid path now and his whole life was going to be turned upside down and it was just so unbelievably stupid!

Logan realised his chest was heaving and his eyes were blurry with tears and he tried his best to control his breathing; count his way through his inhales and exhales the way Patton had taught others many times before. He pressed his back up against the wall and slid his way down to the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest.

The ground wasn’t as hard beneath him as he was expecting and he pressed his hands down on either side of him. Carpet. Carefully, he pushed his head back against the wall—it was cool. He didn’t know much about the construction of buildings, but it was solid. Not concrete, but firm; he doubted he could punch through it easily.

Logan’s breathing was slowing now that he had something to focus on. He knew Patton often used this as a grounding technique for people as well. Pay attention to your surroundings, list things you can see, list facts.

Opening his eyes, Logan could see the door on the other side of the room, still cracked open from when he came in. It was the only source of light. A single door; opens to the inside; painted blue.

The room was dark. The windows, if there are any, could be boarded up or covered. Logan couldn’t see them, so he couldn’t be sure. There was a table in front of him. He was sitting on the ground, and for now, he was safe.

He was safe.

Logan closed his eyes for a moment, feeling his chest expand and contract with each breath he took. After a few moments, Logan felt stable enough to stand and attempt to find a light switch. Fully unwinding the bandage around his wrist and dropping it to the floor—it was useless now—he warily made his way around the table, cautious of there being other objects he may trip over in the dark. After only a few seconds of searching, Logan flipped on the light and took a look around.

Ah. Of course, his subconscious mind would take him here.

The room Logan was greeted with when he switched on the light was one of the abandoned classrooms on the east side of campus. Logan wasn’t really sure what they’d been for during the time they were in use, but now they were mainly utilised as spare changing rooms for when the P.E. or drama classes didn’t have enough space.

They were also utilised, by Logan and Patton, as breakdown spaces.

Well, Logan said both him and Patton, but realistically, it was usually just Patton.

Patton was a highly emotional person. Although he spent so much of his time helping others with their flaws and uncertainties, he certainly wasn’t without his own. He tried to hide them for the most part, sneaking off to deal with his issues alone or concealing his negative emotions for fear of taking time away from people who “deserved it more” or something ridiculous like that.

However, Logan had unwittingly been let into the tiny circle of people that were allowed to see Patton at his most vulnerable and he did not take that for granted.

The first time Logan had seen Patton cry had been during a history lesson last year.

Technically, this was not the first time Logan had ever seen Patton cry—Patton cried quite frequently for all sorts of reasons, usually because of a particularly cute animal or an emotional TV show episode, but Logan didn’t count those. Those moments were a dime a dozen with Patton and generally meant very little and had no lasting consequence. But this? This had been the first time he’d ever seen Patton truly cry.

To this day Logan was still not exactly sure what had triggered it. One moment Patton had been sitting next to him, doodling in his notebook as the teacher lectured on about Bloody Sunday and the next he was attempting to stifle the tears that were dripping down onto the paper in front of him.

Quite honestly, Logan isn’t sure that he would have observed anything if Patton hadn’t knocked his drink bottle off his desk with his movements. It didn’t draw enough attention that the whole class took notice, though it was certainly enough for Logan to look over, and the image of Patton at that moment was still perfectly ingrained in his mind. His eyes had been wide, tears spilling down his cheeks and his mouth open in an ‘O’ shape. His hands had been hovering near his head in an imitation of surrender and Patton had looked ready to bolt.

So Logan had done the only appropriate thing he could think of.

“Ms Pascal?” Logan had said, raising his hand, “I’m not feeling very well, could I possibly take a walk outside for just 5 minutes? I’d like to get some air.”

Patton had moved from his frozen position at the sound of Logan’s voice, ducking his head down and pulling at the sleeves of his cardigan. His tears had continued though, and Logan could tell as he watched him from the corner of his eye that his breathing was getting more erratic with every passing moment.

“Yes, Logan, that’s fine,” the teacher had replied, “And you’re permitted to take someone with you, as long as you’re both back quickly.”

Logan hadn’t responded to the teacher’s comment, instead, he’d risen from his desk and grabbed Patton’s hand. Patton’s eyes had been big and glazed behind his glasses as he looked up at him, but Logan had simply tugged his hand gently and said one word.

“Come.”

Patton had stumbled up from his chair, eyes red and watery, and he’d stopped quickly to place his drink bottle back on his desk before being pulled out of the room.

Witnessing Patton so distressed was jarring, to put it lightly. Patton was a happy, joyful person; he always had a smile on his face and time to listen to your problems. So watching him duck his head to hide his tears? Seeing him hunch over, trying to hide from the world and all it’s prying eyes? It was just wrong, and something in Logan’s chest had ached at the sight of it.

Logan had been lost for a moment about where exactly it was best to take Patton—bathrooms were too public, outside was too open—before he remembered the abandoned classrooms. They were out of the way and enclosed, the perfect combination for this scenario.

Without letting go of Patton’s hand—a fact that he later reflected on with a blush he would deny to his grave—Logan had led Patton in the direction of the building he was searching for. As he’d listened to Patton’s sniffing from just behind him, Logan had questioned if possibly he should be starting the comforting now, on the journey to the less overwhelming place. Logan hadn’t been exactly sure how to do that though, so he’d elected to ignore that thought and instead, continued on the way he was.

As they’d arrived at the classrooms, Logan had pulled Patton inside and shut the door firmly behind him, flicking the light on.

“There,” he’d said, turning around to look at Patton, “Hopefully this is a mor-”

Logan had been cut off by Patton barreling into him, knocking him against the now closed door. He could feel Patton sobbing into his shoulder, his hands gripping at Logan’s shirt and Logan had been at a slight loss at what exactly to do to rectify this situation.

He’d hesitantly wrapped his arms around Patton, rubbing his hand up and down his back in a manner that was supposed to be comforting, but likely just came off as awkward.

Clearly, Patton had been seeking some kind of physical contact, and though Logan may not necessarily be the best at that, he had certainly been willing to try. For Patton’s sake, of course. Not at all because the feeling of Patton this close to him had increased his heart rate tenfold.

Logan’s meagre attempts at comfort had continued for several minutes as he let Patton cry himself out and at some point he’d pulled Patton to the floor, correctly assuming it would be more comfortable and less tiring a position to maintain. Logan had found himself whispering too, reassuring Patton that he was alright, he was safe and everything was going to be okay. Generally, he found those kinds of platitudes to be relatively meaningless, but at the time it had seemed like the right thing to do.

And clearly it had been, as within a few more minutes, Patton had reached a more emotionally stable mindset. Or at least he had stopped crying, Logan couldn’t have been sure that anything had actually been resolved; it was always better not to jump to conclusions.

“Sorry, Lo,” Patton had said, wiping at his face with his sleeve, “I guess I just got a little overwhelmed. Nothing to worry about!”

Logan had not believed that in the slightest.

“Of course, Patton.” Logan had fixed him with a concerned look, but Patton had only beamed in response—even if it had been slightly more wobbly than normal. “Would you like to discuss it? I understand that you don’t want me to worry. However, I think I would be more worried if I allowed you to leave without first talking through whatever problem caused this… emotional outburst.”

Patton grin had dropped at that, his expression falling into pure exhaustion. Logan had been blinded for a moment by just how good Patton was at faking a smile; it was truly almost terrifying.

“It-” Patton had sniffed. “It’s silly, really.”

“I find that to be highly unlikely, Patton,” Logan had said kindly, “All experiences are subjective. I may not necessarily understand or relate to your situation, however, I recognise that it upset you greatly. Therefore it’s likely something that is important to you and not at all silly.”

Logan had received a more genuine smile at that, though it only lasted a moment before Patton had screwed up his face. He’d been marginally worried that Patton was going to cry again, but instead, he’d begun to speak.

“You’re right, Lo. I know you’re right. I just-”

Patton had cut himself off with a sigh. Logan had waited as Patton took a few minutes to gather his thoughts, not wanting to interrupt.

“Academic pressure, you know?” Patton’s eyes had been turned to the floor and Logan had directed his gaze in the same direction out of courtesy. “My parents are all brilliant, like, uh, neurosurgeon and high-level computer programmer kind of brilliant. And I’m their only kid! I just… I never feel like I’m living up to expectations. It’s not even their expectations I’m not fulfilling, it’s my own! I- I don’t know… I should be better.”

Logan had blinked; that had been, quite frankly, not what he had expected to hear. Patton was definitely brilliant, albeit in a different way than most, and Logan had been struck with the realisation that Patton didn’t understand how he was so brilliant. He’d needed to rectify that.

“Patton, have you ever heard of the theory of multiple intelligences?”

Patton had raised his eyes to meet Logan’s. “No? What is it?”

Logan had taken a deep breath; it was times like these where he was reminded of how much he despised the education system and all it stood for. This should be common knowledge—but he supposed the way things currently stood, that would be asking for too much.

“It’s a psychological theory proposed in the 1980s which essentially states that intelligence is more than how most perceive it,” Logan had begun, “It suggests 8 or 9 different types of intelligence based on a variety of criteria. This includes things like spacial or visual intelligence, musical intelligence and bodily-kinesthetic intelligence, as well as logical-mathematical intelligence—the more traditional measurement of intellect.”

Logan had studied Patton, trying to gauge his reaction to this information. Patton had been watching him attentively, but he hadn’t looked as if he’d realised the significance yet so Logan had pushed on.

“I quite clearly have high levels of logical-mathematical intelligence, as well as fairly high linguistic intelligence. This results in me getting good grades and having fewer issues with standardised tests—no-matter-how-bullshit-they-may-be.” Patton’s eyes had narrowed a little at the swear word, but he didn’t interrupt. “However, Patton, my point is that that is not the only valid type of intelligence.

“You display extremely high levels of interpersonal intelligence, along with high levels of linguistic and intrapersonal intelligence. Essentially, you are good at understanding your emotions, you are good at articulating them and you are excellent at empathising and assisting others. These are all extremely enviable skills. And they make you incredibly brilliant, Patton.”

Patton’s eyes had widened at that, and the fact that Patton had looked so surprised by someone calling him intelligent still made Logan angry to this day.

“Our school system puts emphasis on one of these types of intelligence over all others,” Logan had said softly, “However, that is not the way the world is. Good interpersonal skills are prized in a variety of different circumstances. I am always one for trying your best to do well in school, but don’t think that just because you may be struggling in an academic environment that you are stupid, Patton, because that could not be further from the truth.”

There had been a moment of silence.

Patton had been staring up at Logan like he was the centre of the universe and Logan had simultaneously hated it and wanted to experience nothing else for the rest of his short existence. It was intoxicating and absolutely terrifying. Patton’s eyes had been wide and watery and as the seconds ticked by where nothing was said, Logan had wondered if maybe he’d overstepped his boundaries.

Then, slowly, Patton had moved towards Logan until he was virtually sitting in his lap and had wrapped his arms around his chest, almost cuddling into him. Logan had completely frozen. There had been so much emotion in that one action and he’d had trouble processing any of it.

Almost as if on autopilot, Logan had put his arms around Patton as well, returning the gesture and relishing in the chance to receive physical affection from Patton without having to ask for it. Patton’s body in his arms had seemed small and fragile and at that moment Logan had felt so fiercely protective of his friend that it had frightened him. He’d really fallen in deep this time. Idiot.

“Thank you, Logan.” Patton had whispered and Logan had almost had to strain to hear him, “That really, really means a lot.”

Logan sat down on the ground beneath him. He could feel tears running down his face and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, wishing he had Patton here to comfort him and yet not wanting to be anywhere near him. This was all too much; he just wanted things to be easy!

He wanted things to go back to the way they were when he was a kid—his mother laughing from the kitchen as he finished his homework, brushing back his hair and kissing him on the forehead, talking through all of his problems with him.

She always seemed to know the right advice to give. It didn’t matter whether he was having trouble in school or whether he was fighting with his friends, she always knew how to help. Logan is sure she would have known exactly what he should do.

But his mother wasn’t here.

And Logan was lost.

And the door was being pushed open.

————————————————

Chapter 6

————————————————

Tag list: @bunny222 @jadedfantasies231 @221b-quote @reinefandoms @i-really-dig-the-purple @bionic-egypt @not-so-innocent-bi-sander @mistress-jinx09 @soijusthavetoask @marshmallow-the-panda @the-writersblock @theunoriginaldaisy @therubyjailcell @sandersfandersblog @hghrules @that-smol-tired-gay @sanders-sides-stuff @inan-sanders

General tag list <333: @mutechild @super-magical-wizard

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #lamp #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #if you're reading this quite soon after it was posted the ao3 link probably won't work yet #it's cause I have to upload it manually there #cause the scheduling option stresses me out and I don't understand it #so I'll do it when I wake up #which will probably be around 4:30 pm edt #anyway I hope you enjoy it!!!!!!!#lo can write

88 notes · View notes

popunktomlinson · 5 years

Text

summer ‘19 fic rec

so i read a lot of fanfic this summer and mostly just made this for myself for reference but figured i would publish it if anyone wants some fic recs!!

RE-READS

Young & Beautiful - Velvetoscar (227k)

Louis, to his horror, attends an elitist university in which the name Zayn Malik means something, Niall Horan doesn't stop talking, there are pianos everywhere, and Harry Styles, only son of a drug-addled, clinically insane ex-rocker, has a perfect smile and empty eyes.

Special Topping - LoadedGunn (13k)

'Who would even want so many pizzas so late at night?' Harry wonders before the door opens.

Oh. Apparently short guys with shaggy brown hair and a scruff and bright blue eyes and heart-stopping smiles. That's who.

Harry's not even ashamed of how he nearly drops all the pizzas. This guy is gorgeous and Harry hasn't noticed anyone like that in ages, let alone provided services to them. If he opened his mouth right now the only thing that would come out is, "By special topping did you mean my dick?"

Or, the AU where Harry delivers pizza and Louis really just wants Tim Gunn to spank him.

Do You Wanna - Randominity (12k)

"I got a question for you, mate," the lad says. "You wanna make a quick fifty quid?" (*PWP)

I Had The Life Of Ordinary, I Spat It Out - TableForThree (22k)

Harry Styles falls asleep a sixteen year old boy nervous about his upcoming X-Factor audition that could make or break his career. He wakes up a twenty-six year old man with a husband and two children, and no recollection of the past ten years.

These Inconvenient Fireworks - wontsitstill (190k)

Future AU in which nobody tries out for X Factor but the boys end up finding one another eventually anyway. Louis is a jaded bastard who owns a cat named Duchess and teaches drama to teenagers, Harry is an idealistic aspiring photographer/part-time footy coach, Zayn teaches English lit and wears leather jackets, Liam saves people from burning buildings, and Niall is Niall.

Red Brick Heart - hazmesentir (98k)

Harry has only had his room for thirty-two minutes when it stops being his.

Uni AU. Harry had turned up at the halls of residence expecting fun, new friends, and maybe a life experience or two. What he doesn't expect is a surprise roommate who's loud and dramatic and obsessed with tea and is maybe, actually, all he's ever wanted.

Unbelievers - isthatyoularry (136k)

It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.

Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.

NEW READS

As You Are - Zarah5 (139k)

AU. Five years after The X Factor launched his career as a radio host and songwriter, Louis Tomlinson returns as a judge. Falling for a contestant is the last thing he needs. It's also against his contract.

rivers ‘til i reach you - embodied (29k)

AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).

Born to Make You Happy - objectlesson (25k)

Harry makes a quiet vow to himself that he will be the very best girlfriend Louis has ever had, even if he never actually gets to be Louis’s girlfriend.

Swallow The Knife - whoknows (76k)

“You came,” Louis says, still breathless, clinging to Harry, uncaring that his sweat is getting all over Harry’s presumably clean dad shirt, or that he’s making Harry hold up all of his weight.

“Of course I came,” Harry says. He shifts, one arm curled underneath Louis’ arse, the other spreading wide in the middle of Louis’ back. “If I ignored you every time you pissed me off we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”

And That’s The Tea - 2tiedships2 (27k)

I’d like an Earl Grey with milk and sugar, please.

Or, the one where Louis loses his soulmate before even getting the chance to meet them, and he is in no way prepared for the kind of distraction his new friend Harry proves to be.

You Know It’s Christmas (My Heart Is Open Wide) - messofgorgeouschaos (21k)

In which Louis is a cast member at Saturday Night Live, and a past airport encounter comes back to haunt him before their Christmas episode.

blue is all i’ve ever really known - coffeelouis (5k)

In order to keep things "light and breezy," Louis and Harry have established a comprehensive set of rules which will ensure they don't screw up their professional working relationship with this date they're (finally) going on.

Absolutely nothing could go wrong.

[or, the BROOKLYN NINE-NINE AU that no one asked for and I wrote anyway]

Once Upon A Time - objectlesson (26k)

“M’not gonna half-ass our fake relationship,” Louis almost snaps, voice sharp with a defensive edge, like Harry wandered too close to a bruise with needy fingers. “Now kiss me again. We’re gonna make every shitty tourist here wish they had stayed in the Midwest. We’re gonna burn Disneyland down with our gay. ”

Harry shuts his eyes and opens his mouth, because he can’t fucking say no to Louis.

Or, a fake dating AU where everyone is lying and they happen to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.

Make Your Words A Weapon - HelloAmHere (36k)

There’s no single path forward from the connection, no truth other than the truth that the person whose words you carry is out there, an undefined something that you’re going to have to deal with.

In whatever way you can possibly deal with meeting the stranger who's always been there, and always been missing.

OR: Louis is a music critic, Harry is a rockstar, soulmates are destiny but no one ever said destiny was easy, music is everything.

Drawn to You - lulullawrence (8k)

It had started with Louis getting in trouble for coloring on himself when he hadn’t touched a felt tip pen the entire day. Through the years, the random drawings had evolved and changed. There was a period in sixth form when his soulmate must have gotten shy or something, because the drawings only happened after school hours and in places that others wouldn’t be as likely to see. The inside of his bicep, his thigh. A couple times he even had drawings appear on his ribcage. While he didn’t mind those few years, he did seem somewhat soothed when they began to appear on his left arm again. He’d missed them.

Or that completely self indulgent soulmates au that plays out in not always romantic ways.

i was getting kinda used to being someone you loved - werebothstubborn (8k)

Louis manages to look apologetic as he licks slobbery circles around Harry's palm until he lets go. “Pretend to be my boyfriend,” he says, dramatically gulping in as much air as he can breathe.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Even Your Honey Dew - objectlesson (9k)

It probably says something about Harry that he’s so obsessed with another omega’s arse.

Powerless (and I Don’t Care It’s Obvious) - objectlesson (4k)

“Oh no, Lou, don’t make me laugh,” he whimpers. His Ribena-purple mouth twists into a glorious, breakable shape, and Louis’s heart stops. He should not be getting turned on by Harry’s full-bladder discomfort, his little twitches, his hips-stuttering. And yet.

Only One at the Finish Line - objectlesson (9k)

“What don’t I know?!” Louis shouts, and then Harry is rounding on him, close enough that he can feel the heat of his body, the rage and the glory and the pain of it so close that it blinds him.

“I want to be another alpha’s omega,” is what he says, and it comes out like something reckless, something wild. Like he doesn't care anymore if Louis hates him or not, if Louis understands, he just needs to speak his truth aloud to darkness, to the slender pines that surround them like a jury panel.

Take Me Under the Blue - objectlesson (19k)

Louis hasn’t even seen his legs yet. He doesn’t know how they work or how long they’ll be. Maybe they won’t suit the rest of Harry at all, and he’ll have to grow into them or something. It doesn’t matter; Louis has loved Harry for a year with scales, so he can’t imagine wonky legs putting a damper on his attraction.

He supposes he’ll just have to find out. In the meantime, he wonders how the fuck he got here, in his squelching wellies about to save the love of his life from the sea and take him to bed and bang him for the very first time.

It’s sort of a long story.

Life Saver - objectlesson (30k)

Louis is a sweetheart punk with a theater background and a heart of gold, Harry is an inexperienced nerd who plays by the rules. Classmates, lab partners, and eventually friends, what happens when Louis knows he’s in love, but doesn’t know how tell Harry?

you are half of me (and I am all for you) - angelichl (24k)

One Direction, an obscure indie rock band, is about to embark on their first cross-country tour, living out of Louis' beloved van named Patricia.

Harry is in love, and Louis is oblivious. Or is he?

Featuring skinny-dipping in Texas waterfalls, getting lost in the desert, stargazing under the New Mexico sky, performing in front of crowds that grow in size each night, and falling in love on the road during the greatest summer of their lives.

say that you can see me (i’ll speak up i swear) - coffeelouis (20k)

“Well, it’s not like anyone really RSVPs,” Liam defends when Harry turns back to him, “No one takes Facebook events seriously.” Harry rolls his eyes, still finding it within himself to get annoyed in his moment of panic. Liam has been complaining about the lack of accountability Facebook events have bred in their generation since their freshman year. Harry glances back to the gallery entrance. Yep, still there and moving closer.

“But aren’t you guys friends?” Harry asks, trying to convey the urgency in his tone.

“Well, I mean, I talk to him when he stops by the office for supplies sometimes,” Liam reasons, “But I wouldn’t say we’re friends, exactly. Maybe more like, friendly acquaintances?”

[or, the liberal arts COLLEGE AU where Harry knows Louis as the best friend of the boy he has been hopelessly in love with for years now and Louis knows Harry as the boy he wished would look away from Zayn long enough to notice him.]

Let Our Hearts Collide - crinkle-eyed-boo (76k)

When Harry, a lonely transit worker, saves the life of the handsome commuter he's been secretly pining for, an innocent mistake results in Liam Payne's family believing that Harry is engaged to their son. In the Paynes, Harry finds the big family he's always longed for...and a love he never saw coming.

A While You Were Sleeping AU

Head Over Heels - Sasparella76 (26k)

Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are both up and coming editors at Cowell Publishing. Louis thinks Harry is brilliant at his job and beyond gorgeous. It’s just a pity that Harry is also the most annoying man Louis has ever met.

just one look (and i fell so hard) - disgruntledkittenface (15k)

Harry has wanted to go to the Shubert Theatre ever since he moved to New York and lucked into a rent-controlled apartment just outside of the Theatre District. When he finally gets his chance, he hopes the night can meet his sky-high expectations. But the last thing he could have expected was the man seated next to him.

Golden Like Sands of Time - afirethatcannotdie (51k)

“You need to change this one,” Zayn says, pointing to number six. “It’s unrealistic. It needs to be something you can actually achieve.” “What’s unachievable about a summer romance?” Harry asks, offended. “Nothing, it’s just… what if it doesn’t happen?” Harry pouts. He can totally have a summer romance. It’s just about finding the right person. “What about… kiss a stranger?” "Perfect."

waiting for the tides to meet - anonymous (60k)

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

Lightning Strikes Twice - dinosaursmate (104k)

Louis slipped his hand onto Harry’s thigh, snaking his fingers up and inwards. “I’m a big fan. You’re so talented, and I have to admit that I actually fancy you a bit.” “Yeah?” Harry reached up to push Louis’ fringe out of his eyes. “Well, you know, I like to try and be accommodating to my fans.” “You’re quite well known for that,” Louis whispered as he turned his head some more, their mouths an inch apart. “So I hear.” --- Rock star Harry Styles was nineteen when he met Louis, a groupie with a huge heart that Harry couldn’t quite shake from his mind. Fate granted him a second chance at the age of sixty, his washed up and lonely existence being transformed by a widower with a bookshop.

Make Tea, Not War - adventuring + howdoyouwhisk (20k)

"Hopeless, hopeless flatmate. Would you rather be with one of these guys?"

"Nope!"

Or: Louis attempts to become a better flatmate, much to Harry's dismay.

Ain’t That A Kick In The Head! - lesbianharrie + wreckingtomlinson (22k)

In which Harry’s a disaster gay who doesn’t know shit about soccer, Liam drinks too many blue raspberry Coolattas, Niall knows everyone, Zayn looks dead, and Louis is Not Happy about sharing his breakout moment with “Drunk Hawaiian Guy.”

Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat - angelichl (34k)

Harry is 98% sure Louis hates him. So he feels like his bewilderment is justified when the omega offers to help him through his rut.

Life At Shutter Speed - zarah5 (20k)

AU. Having landed a job modelling for an outdoor clothing catalogue, Harry certainly wouldn’t mind doing some extracurricular work for photographer Louis Tomlinson. Say, a private photo session? Yes, please? Good thing that Harry has ten days and three beautiful locations -- Morocco, Indonesia and the Swiss Alps -- to make Louis see just how good they could be.

stars are guiding me back - coffeelouis (80k)

Directing the first ever season of The Bachelor with a bisexual star is a huge career move for Louis. After throwing himself into his career, he finally has the opportunity to prove himself as a director with a unique vision.

For Harry, being cast as the first ever Bi Bachelor means finally putting his ex-boyfriend behind him and starting anew. He's taking a chance on finding love and determined to do it right this time.

Light My Morning Sky - withthethieves (54k)

The relatively cliché University AU in which Louis happens to be proficient in Philosophy, Ethics, and keeping his distance, while Harry is in need of a tutor to salvage his grade, and never passes up on a challenge; Zayn and Liam like to gaze wantonly across at each other whilst pretending to read Austen; and Niall is the precarious bond that holds them all together.

Saw It In Your Eyes - taggiecb (15k)

Harry Styles counts himself extremely lucky that he has landed such a great roommate. It doesn’t bother him at all that his new roommate is gay. In fact, they get along so well that they have formed an extremely close friendship that takes up pretty much all his free time. When Louis starts bringing a new guy home with him, Harry is surprised by how much it bothers him. Is he not as okay as he thought he was with Louis’ sexuality?

Push My Buttons - KrisStylinson (2k)

“Fuck off.” Louis leans into this boy’s personal space just to show how unaffected he is, even if it is technically a bluff. “My team’s winning.”

The boy crowds right back into him with a smug look, and that turns out to be their downfall—a large man to his left nudges his arm and gestures to the jumbotron, where Louis and fucking Newsboy are currently encased in a cartoon heart with the words KISS CAM burning brightly above them.

Paper Houses - allwaswell16 (11k)

When model Louis Tomlinson admits to having a celebrity crush on a very famous actor in an article in GQ magazine, he has no idea it will lead to anything. He definitely never suspects he will fall so hard and so fast for Harry Styles. When reality begins to interfere, their relationship is put to the test.

Not The Desperate Type -lululawrence (6k)

It sounded like the guy was actually moving furniture above him as he was sweeping now. Damn. Did Louis miss the seven minutes in heaven or was the guy angry because he didn’t even get that much pleasure today?

“I’m kinda afraid with the amount of noise he produces while cleaning that one day I’m gonna look up through my ceiling and be able to see him.”

“Tell him we wish him a better sex life and that we’re rooting for him if you do.”

Or the one where Louis' neighbor has a series of unfortunately short sexual experiences and Louis can hear every. Single. One.

Can We Talk For A Moment? - lululawrence (16k)

It was widely known that alphas were never as common as betas or omegas. It is believed the reasoning for that was safety for their packs. Each pack could only have one Alpha, and in order to keep order and make sure there was no mistaking who was in power, once the successor had been named, other alphas would be forced out of the pack.

Harry didn’t care for the reasons behind the phenomenon. In the end, it didn’t really matter. All he knew was he was the only alpha within about a thousand mile radius, and he was a complete and total disappointment.

Or the one where Harry is a shy, nerdy alpha, Louis is a loud omega punk, and there's more to both of them than their reputations.

UNFINISHED

awake and unafraid - you_explode (102k) - UNFINISHED

It's 2007, Harry's seventeen, his favourite band is My Chemical Romance, and he's in love with his best friend.

Peaches and Cream - seducedbycurls (65k)

The study was to see if two strangers could live together for a month and fall in love.

“We are a new organization working to prove that love can do extraordinary things.” “You will do everything together & you are not allowed to leave the resort for the whole month.” “We want to prove that opposites attract.”

Louis is allergic to peaches, Harry smells like peaches. Louis just came for the money.

Take Me As I Am - lovelarry10 (118k)

“Suppressant? But… why would I need a suppressant? Alphas don’t take suppressants.”

“You’re right, they don’t.”

Secrets. Lies. Deception. Betrayal. Self-discovery.

Alpha. Omega. How far will they go to hide the truth?

Mirror Touch - pinky_heaven19 (58k)

“You know I can see colors in sounds, right?”

Harry nods, confused as Louis knew he would be.

“Well, I have another type of synesthesia, called mirror-touch. Have you heard of it?”

Harry shakes his head, and Louis can feel the tenseness in his shoulders and jaws slacking a little at the unexpected topic.

“It means I feel what other people feel. Literally, all the time.”

OR the one where Harry owns a second-hand clothing store, and Louis is a radio host. Louis has mirror-touch synesthesia, which makes him experience what people around him feel. He feels a lot around Harry.

#fics #read #fic rec #mine

1 note · View note

jiminwreckedme · 6 years

Text

The Distance Between Us

Strange Connections, Stranger Chemistry - Mini Series.

| The Beginning | Everything In Between | The End |

AU - Married, Business.

Genre - Angst (A little sexual tension?)

Word count - 20K

Summary -Not all love stories are she loved him and he loved her. Not all love stories are that simple. But it isn’t love which is complicated either.

It’s the people in love who are.

Tags - @gwynethjodie , @softkomorebi , @itsinseoul I’m eternally grateful to you guys

Song - It’s alright, it’s love.

A/N - Here it finally is! Sorry this part is so frustrating, I myself was pretty annoyed as I was reading this but hey it’s all a part of character growth and all that so bear with me! Part 3 will be much more satisfying I promise :)

The world isn’t barren anymore.

Winter took longer than usual to leave but it left eventually, spring sashaying it’s way into everyone’s lives. Though it brought joy to everyone, it couldn’t heal the frost bites still lingering in your heart. With Jimin so far away from you, nothing could soothe the burn in your chest.

Things soon fell back to what they started off as.

With your workload getting heavier, you spent lesser and lesser time in the house, spending all your hours, slogging in the labs. And every night when you came back home, tired and exhausted, Jimin, like earlier, somehow managed to not be around. The only difference was that back then, you were the one running.

Now, it was Jimin.

You only truly realised the extent of how much he was cutting you off that morning, when for the first time in months, he spoke to you......

You’re sitting down at the dining table going through your files in the morning along with breakfast. An envelope comes sliding towards you and you look up to see Jimin standing at the other end of the table, purposely not meeting your eye. His presence there surprises you, even scares you a little. Did Jimin just approach you? On his own?

“This came in today.” He points at the white envelope on the table and then crosses his arms, voice hard. You slowly reach out towards it and empty its contents, frowning as you realise what they are.

“Flight tickets?.... Wher-where are you going?”

“We.” His voice is curt as always. “We are supposed to be going for a four days and three nights trip to the Maldives. Dad sent these over.”

You shake your head not understanding.“Why?”

“For a short family getaway. Everyone is going - my cousins, aunts, uncles, everyone.” You open your mouth to say something but Jimin holds his hand up. “Before you assume anything, I am not asking you to come along. I am asking you to find an excuse not to. Just letting you know that these are the dates. Keep yourself as busy as you can for these four days.”

And with that he walks away, leaving you staring, not a word able to leave you.

Admittedly, you didn’t want to go.

Family gatherings were not your thing, you didn’t like crowds or talking to people for long, and you had finally got sponsors and investors for your project which meant that with every passing day, you were getting closer and closer to the experiment dates. You couldn��t possibly leave the country now. And just like you, he didn’t want you to come either, and in fact, he asked you not to as well. He told you exactly what you were to hear but it hurt so much. Was he really this eager to get away from you? So eager that he didn’t even at least try once for the sake of his family if not for him?

It was your fault.

When you talked him that day, you should have explained it. You wanted to as well. You wanted to tell him the truth, why you wanted him away from you, what he reminded you of and how guilty he made you feel. You wanted to tell him everything but you were just so angry. You were mad at how easily he disregarded what you said, about telling his mother the truth. You couldn’t bring yourself to see anything beyond that anger and it destroyed your intent. This was never your intention. This coldness between you two was never your intention. You merely wanted him to stop getting so close to you. Stop spending time with you and stop giving you memories that only hurt at the end of the day. And Christmas night the way he kissed you…….you couldn’t have that happening too. You couldn’t have him fall in love with you, that would ruin everything.

But you never meant becoming like this. You never thought things between the two of you would come to this. You and Jimin who were the best of friends, now, worse than strangers. You couldn’t even talk to him and make things clear, he never let you have that opportunity and over time the sadness that arose in you from his behaviour, permanently etched itself into your existence.

And like that, the distance between you and Jimin never healed.

You have been in the lab for three days now. It’s been over 72 hours since you’ve left your house to rot in your lab, finally starting the project you have been waiting to do all these months.

You look at yourself in the mirror of the locker room, at the dark eye circles, at the your unwashed, hair up in a bun as you pull your lab coat over you. You remove all your accessories - the thin silver necklace your father gifted, your mother’s old watch, the pair of earrings that you bought back in your first year of college and finally, your ring. The engagement ring with its beautiful blue stone, the kind of royal blue you loved, reflecting the light of the late evening sun. It makes your heart pang. Looking at it forms tears in your eyes as you slowly pull it out to reveal the wedding ring you have worn under it. The thin simple band of platinum with a small diamond embedded in it, that ring which Jimin made you wear in your wedding, the memory still so clear in your head. He doesn’t wear his. You remembered trying to look for it the day he landed in London. His hand was filled with the rings he loved to wear, his wedding ring wasn’t one among them.

You place both rings in the tray and shut the locker, locking it, as you fished out your phone, walking towards the lab.

No missed calls. No messages.

You hadn’t come home for three days yet Jimin didn’t even try to find out where you were. He had no idea if you were okay or not and yet, it didn’t make a difference to him. It hurt you that you had come to this. Yes, Jimin might not talk to you, he might ignore your presence and run away from it and all that was okay. But you thought somewhere deep down he cared. He must at least care. But the blank screen on your phone tells you otherwise. You stuff it into your pocket, as you wipe your threatening tears.

Tapping your ID card, you enter the lab and the moment you step in, Ashley walks up to you, handing you the files. You go through the list checking off the completed tasks when she taps your shoulder.

“Sounds like you’re getting a call?”

Quickly touch your pocket, you feel the vibration and shoot a small smile that read thanks. It’s not Jimin like you hoped, it’s an unknown number. Sighing you pick it up, placing it between your ear and shoulder.

Mrs. Park?

“Park Y/n speaking.”

Do you happen to be Mr. Park Jimin’s wife or mother?

You hold the phone out and frown at it. Who is this ridiculous person? “I am his wife, but sorry, who are you?”

I’m calling from the city hospital regarding your husband.

“My husband?” Suddenly everything around you goes blur. “W-what’s wrong with my husband?”

There was a small accident in your house earlier today. A part of the ceiling of your house seems to have cracked and fallen apart, injuring the inhabitants of the room. There aren’t any major injuries but......

You can’t hear anything else. Everything is a loud buzz.

“Y/n? Y/n? Y/n!” Ashley shakes you back into your senses. “What’s wrong?”

You look at the screen of the phone and cut the call. You try to calm your racing heart. Jimin wasn’t even here in Seoul, he would have left for his family vacation days ago and should be back tomorrow. This...this must’ve been a prank, of course it’s someone’s extremely dirty prank but.....but how did they know about the ceiling?

“Y/n you are scaring me, will you please say something?”

“It’s nothing.” You shake your head. “Just someone being an asshole, said Jimin met with an accident....”

“He did?” Ashley looks at you wide eyed.

“He couldn’t have. He’s at Maldives now, he wouldn’t have-”

“No he isn’t....” She shakes her head. “He’s here, in London, what are you talking about?”

You turn towards her frowning. “What? He’s my husband Ash, I know.” You remember, memory a little fuzzy though, the dates on his tickets. “He’s supposed to be back tomorrow, and it was a four day trip, he’s definitely gone.”

“Y/n look, I think you misunderstood this whole thing, maybe you are confusing it with the departure date, maybe he’s supposed to leave tomorrow-”

“Why are you so sure?” You snap at her. Yes, you know Jimin didn’t tell you anything but your assistant couldn’t probably know more about him than you, can she?

“Cause he’s been calling every two hours the last three days?”

You turn to her at the speed of lightening. “H-he’s what?”

“Ever since you’ve gotten here, he’s been calling the office phone literally every two hours asking about you, whether you’re okay, and if you’ve eaten or not, if you’ve rested? I’ve picked up at least 30 or so calls for him and even asked him why he won’t just directly contact you and he said I needn’t tell you about this, you’d unnecessarily be disturbed and distracted and if you’re doing fine it’s enough for him.....”

Your heart swells at her words. So he did care. Like always, he still cares. You were so stupid to think otherwise. Just because he was stopping himself from showing his concern to you. He really did care.

“.....And he ordered yesterday’s subway for you too, I had no idea what you eat from there,” You remember last night’s dinner. You had barely even paid attention to it. Now you remember, it was exactly your order and there was no way anyone but Jimin knew it. Ashley continues slowly. “He was the one who got it delivered here so I know for a fact that he’s here....”

“....and if he’s here then,” You turn towards her, fear instantly coursing through your body. “if this call is true....”

Ashley swallows quickly and reaches for her tablet and asks you to read out the number you got the call. As you dictate the digits, she searches for it and when she looks up at you, you can already tell by the look in her eyes......its true.

She nods. “City hospital.”

You stumble back a little, nearly hitting the edge of the table and she immediately reaches out for you.

“Hey Y/n, get a grip, I’m sure he’s ok...”

You can’t hear her anymore. There’s only one thing running in your mind. Jimin is hurt. Jimin is hurt. Jimin is hurt. The phone nearly slides dropping from your hand. You quickly strip off your lab coat, throw it haphazardly on the table, grab your car keys and rush out of the lab.

“Y/n!” Ashley holds your hand, rushing behind you. “The experiment-”

“Ash, I need to leave. He’s met with an-” You can’t even bring yourself to say it. The thought itself is so unimaginable. “Jimin needs me. I need to go.”

“Wait Y/n, please, the experiment-”

“Fuck the experiment!” You pull your hand away from her grip, steadying your shaking voice. “Nothing is more important to me than him, do you understand?”

And with that you turn and leave, taking fast steps and then running towards the lift. Its on the first floor and you are on the 7th. You can’t wait that long. Looking around you find the stairs, and run towards it instead. You are running down, losing your breath, your eyes are spinning as you look down, your fear of heights kicking in. But the fear that something has happened to Jimin is stronger. You continue to rush towards the parking lot, hurriedly climbing into your car and stepping on the gas, without bothering about speed limits.

The journey to the hospital is a race. A race against time. You slam the horn, break the rules, do everything and anything to get there as soon as possible. But when you reach the hospital, its a mess. There was a really big car accident at the highway apparently, patients are being moved in and out and there’s blood and injuries everywhere. It’s horrifying.

Finding the reception, you run towards to it, panting and out of breath, words barely able to get out of your mouth. “My....my husband....accident....”

“Tell me his name please.” The lady looks bewildered at your state.

“Mr. Park...Park Jimin...” It’s getting harder and harder to speak.

“Room 501, fifth floor, on your left.”

You don’t even spend a second to thank her, rushing off towards the lift, cursing yourself for having gotten into it instead of going by the stairs. You would have reached a few seconds faster, because every second that goes by without you seeing him is only getting more and more painful.

You push your way out of the crowd when the elevator stops at the fifth floor and turn left like you were instructed to, only to suddenly stop your tracks.

He’s there.

Sitting right outside room 501, elbows on his knees, fingers interlocked, a foot tapping away in anticipation. He seems fine. There’s not a scratch on him, no blood, no wounds. Life is returning to your body as you start breathing again, so very relieved at his sight.

“Jimin.”

He’s head whips towards your direction as he frowns, standing slowly. “Y/n? You- Oh!”

You run, practically throwing yourself at him, feet no longer on the ground, your arms wrapping around his neck. Jimin stumbles back a little at the impact before placing his arms around you to hold onto you as a result of your shocking act. When he’s steady on his feet he pulls you back, his hands light against your shoulder blades.

“Y/n It’s-”

“Thank god!” You take his face into your hands. “Thank god you’re okay I was so scared-“

“Please, stop, I’m hurt Y/n….”

You take two steps back, looking at him properly when your eyes fall on this bandaged foot that was hidden from view all this while.

“Did it fall on your foot? It must’ve-“

“Why’re you here?” He interrupts you without even listening to what you were trying to say.

You look at him, lips slightly parting in surprise.

“What do you mean Jimin? I got a call that you got into an accident and so of course I-“

“It isn’t me, it’s Mr. Min who is more injured. He was home to sign a contract when it fell on his shoulder. And right now, I should be with him.” He takes a step back, reaching for the door handle behind him, your hands losing the coldness of his cheek against your palms.

“But Jimin, are you okay-“

“You should leave Y/n.” He turns around towards the door pushing the handle. “To work or home or where ever you need to be right now. You should leave.”

And with that he disappears into the room, leaving you alone outside in the deafening silence.

You didn’t return to work.

You didn’t go back home either. Instead, you got in your car and just drove. You had no direction, no destination, nothing, just going wherever the road took you. And in front of the river, you found your dead end and so you halted the car there and sunk back into your seat, shutting your eyes, breathing deeply.

Why was Jimin doing this? Why did he call you, worry for you, do all of that and when you did the same, when you reached out concerned to him, why did he push you away? Why did he ignore you all these days while really, he was worried about you? Why would he not listen to you?

You open your eyes, tears refusing to spill out of them when you see far away, a red flickering dot of light and the heavy feeling in your heart returns. You remember seeing a light like that for years when you walked back home from Jimin’s place as a child - The blinking red light across the stream when you looked over the bridge. Jimin once told you that the blinking red light of the camera before taking a photo was his biggest fear, it always made him anxious and self conscious. Back then you laughed because seemed silly but soon after every time you saw a light like that, it reminded you of him. Like a lot of little little things in life, you always found things that reminded you of him. A life without Jimin was as good as unimaginable for you but here you are, living it, experiencing it every moment, watching him walk away all the time.

But this was enough. After you found out today that he was so concerned yet he kept stopping himself from approaching you, you were not going to hold back. You were, somehow or the other, going to explain to him what you meant and ask him to stop behaving like this. Yes he pushed you away but maybe you didn’t try hard enough to approach him. You were done with this game of silence, you weren’t going to take it anymore.

Stepping on the gas, you bound home, parking your car as soon as you can and enter your house only to see Jimin isn’t back home. You switch on the lights and it indeed is empty and it worries you instantly. He was hurt wasn’t he? Where was he then at this time of the night?

And you’re not even done thinking when you hear the door opening behind you and Jimin limping in slowly. You rush towards him but he stops you.

“Jimin you’re-“

“You’re early.”

“Yeah I didn’t go back to work-- W-where are you going?” You call out behind him as he begins to walk away.

“My room?”

“No you’re not.” You place yourself between him and the stairs. “Jimin, a part of the ceiling just fell today, what do you mean you are-“

“Yeah, so there’s nothing else to fall. I’ll be fine.”

“Jimin, No. It’s dangerous, for fuck’s sake, Don’t stay in your room-“

“Then where do I stay? In yours?” He raises an eyebrow sarcastically.

“Yeah okay fine, stay with me but don’t-“

“Wow. Now you want me around?”

“What?”

“Why do you want me to be around you now? Didn’t you ask for distance?” He points between the two of you, taking a step back.

You look at him incredulously. “Jimin, are you stupid? This isn’t the time or situation to talk-“

“It is Y/n, it is. You made it clear that there’s no love, and I don’t want to be the burden of your responsibility. Please let me be-“

“Jimin, just shut up will you?” You cut him off. “There will be other opportunities to be stubborn, but not today, not now-“

“Then when? Why do you get to make all the decisions Y/n? Why do we have to stay apart when you want to and stay with each other when you want to?”

“It’s not about what I want and don’t want Jimin, you’re being childish, this is about you’re safety and because I care for you and-“

“Really Y/n? because I don’t think so. What you’ve put me through the last few months, I don’t think so-“

“Oh enough Jimin! You want to talk about the last few months, then let’s talk properly.” You cross your arms. “You are the one who’s running away. Tell me I haven’t tried to approach you, make conversation or anything after that day? I agree I asked for distance but I never asked us to snap whatever is between us-“

“What’s between us?! You don’t want us to be friends, you don’t want us to be husband and wife, you don’t want us to be anything we were, then what are we but strangers? And strangers don’t interact Y/n. I am giving you exactly what you want, yet-“

“You’ve really not grown up Jimin. You really haven’t. All I asked was for us to have some space, Space from what you ask? Question yourself that Jimin. When all that was between us was friendship, what was the kiss after the Christmas party about? What were those jealous looks about? What was that-“

“That?” Jimin frowns at you. “You...oh my god for fuck’s sake Y/n!, I was tipsy that night! I had drunk after quite some time, I wasn’t exactly in my senses, it was a mistake. We were alone and close and all-”

“We have been alone and close many times in the past Jimin! We’ve been in situations worse than this before, yet you’re telling me now you thought it was okay to-”

“I didn’t think it was okay! I apologized because I was wrong. Because it was my mistake. And to be honest Y/n, I regret it more than you ever can and ever will because......because....you know why.”

Yes. Because he loved someone else. That’s why.

“And what about telling your mother?”

“My mother?”

“Why did you give her hope that everything between us was okay Jimin? Why give her that-”

“Because it’s the only thing I can do! I can only give her hope Y/n, nothing else. You and I, we married for our family, we married because that’s what they wanted, you and I are living this whole pretentious life because of them, what was the point of all we had done so far then? Of all you and I sacrificed?”

“That didn’t mean you....you didn’t have to lie to her alright!-”

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t tell her! I said not now, not when she was alone, not when she had no one with her who can help her understand and handle her. I would have told her Y/n, I just wanted some time-”

“You didn’t say that-”

“I did! I told you not now, but later-”

“You said it was too late already-”

“Because it is!” He takes a frustrated step towards you. “It is too late but that didn’t mean we wouldn’t tell them! There’s a certain time and situation for everything Y/n, but you just don’t agree because you’re stubborn! You’re always stubborn about having things happen when and how you like it. And the part I fail to understand is why you have a problem even when things are happening your way-”

“I’m stubborn? Okay, fine. Let’s say I am stubborn and I do want things to happen my way. If that is the case then this.....this is not what I want! You walking out on me every time, you ignoring me on every possible occasion, this was not what I meant-”

“Then what does stay away mean Y/n? Things you did when I first came here? Not sharing a room or a bed, not eating together, that’s what it means to stay away?”

“No Jimin, it means give me my space. Letting me be someone who has a life without you as well whose happiness or worries do not be dependent on you all the time. Letting at least a few memories of mine ones without you, letting me breath without you around! Please Jimin, you and I are at a point where everything is so difficult, where nothing between us is clear. It’s so hard to know that we are married yet pretend like we are not, to know things have changed yet behave like all is fine. I....I can’t! I can’t make up my mind about anything, I still need time and space to understand who we are and what we mean to each other. I just wanted to understand what you mean in my life Jimin, not cut you off from it. Whatever maybe unclear but one thing for certain is that I care about you! And you do too- don’t lie I know about your phone calls, don’t complicate things more with a lie now.”

You take a tired breath and look at him desperately. “Jimin please, I don’t want you cut me off that was not what I meant when I said that. If it sounded like that I’m sorry, I was mad and I wasn’t thinking straight but I did try to explain to you all these days and yet you didn’t allow me to...” He’s silently staring at you, expressionless as you feel your shoulders droop. “Why won’t you say anything?”

Jimin purses his lips in thought before speaking. “I get it. I got everything you said, everything you want and everything you don’t, so listen to me now. Your idea of space is very different from mine. And it’s not just you, it’s me who needs time to think through what we are as well. Yes, I won’t lie, I care for you, more than anyone in fact, but I can’t show it Y/n. Because showing how much you mean to me means having you around all the time, and clearly you don’t want that, neither do I. I think for now, it’s best we let things be how they are-”

“Jimin, please-”

“Please Y/n, you have no idea how difficult this is for me too. You’re not the only hurt here, you’re not the only one who has things you need to figure out. I understand you’re shaken up by that night, that kiss changed perspectives of our relationship for you, but it has for me as well. I’m going through things you won’t understand and you’re going through things I won’t. Even now as we stand across each other, discussing, we both aren’t honest. You know, you aren’t telling me everything and I know, I’m not either and I know it’s because both of us haven’t figured out how to do it. Let’s fight the battles within ourselves first Y/n, then we can think about everything else. Till then, I think it’s best we let things be the way they are. I think this distance is what we need.”

He takes a step back, still limping as he makes his way towards his room and silence is playing it’s games with you again.

“She’s here!” Jimin’s sister Jennie screams the moment she sees you pulling your luggage, walking into the resort with Jimin right behind you. She grabs you in a hug, wrapping you tight in her embrace. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you Y/n! And no what am I doing? I’m still mad at you, why didn’t you come earlier? Everyone was here yesterday!”

She pouts in anger as you look at Jimin who only has a blank face to offer.

The morning after the accident, Jimin left a message that he was leaving for his reunion with a short note. A note that ended with a take care. You stared at it for hard and long that morning before you left to work, thinking about it as you drove, thining about it as you started the experiment you stalled the previous day - it was at the back of your mind for a long time. And just when you thought you had spent enough time on it, Jimin called you but you didn’t pick up. You don’t know why. Maybe because you were tired, maybe because you were hurt. You just didn’t pick up.

He called you again in a bit, only to receive no response once more, after which he finally messaged you. - Pick up Y/n, for mom.

Taking a deep breath you, dialed back, when you heard his voice.

Hello? Y/n?

You offer him the silence he wants. Jimin lets out a very audible sigh. You hear him try to hand over the phone and his mother’s refusal to talk in the background. ‘I’m not listening to any excuses, I want her here. I don’t know what you both will do...” And you hear his voice again.

Everyone here is....is expecting you. I told them you had work, that you can’t come but they insist that it’s a matter of a few days.....

You continue to stay silent.

....But if you can make it then please, please just.....just come here Y/n.....Y/n? Y/n are you-

You cut the call.

Late the next morning, after nearly 10 hours of flying, you found yourself standing in the airport in Maldives with your luggage, waiting for a cab.

You aren’t doing this for him,this wasn’t about Jimin. You only decided to head over when his mother messaged you - I know it’s difficult for you to make it Y/n, I know we always keeping asking too much of you. My family hasn’t been feeling complete in a long time and with your absence, it feels even more so. If for the sake of this mother you can make it, even if it’s just for a day, do come over. I’d love to see my dear.

And like always, you couldn’t turn the woman down. You were doing this for his mom. For both your parents. Like all these days. It was for them.

Jimin was waiting for you like he expected you to be there. He approached you before you even noticed his presence, taking your bag from your grip. You turned around defensively and stopped when you realized it was him.

“You’re here?”

“Thought you’d be coming.”

“I can come on my own.”

“I know. Mom sent me.”

With that he takes the bag from your hand and walks to the cab.

You sat behind as he took his seat next to the driver.

He handed a sandwich just as you get comfortable. “The food in the plane must have been horrible.”

You stared at his outstretched hand, blinked twice and turned away, looking out of the window.

Jimin opened his mouth to say something but nothing but silence left him.

And that’s how you found yourself here.

That’s how you reached the resort in Maldives standing among Jimin’s family member’s, all beyond excited to see you there. Jimin silently stands in the corner as they all talk to you, scolding you for your late arrival, claiming that you were all going to have a great time. You look at Jimin nervously. You didn’t think so.

When you are sent to Jimin’s room to freshen up, the moment he closes the door you turn to him.

“I’m sorry, I know you wanted to not have me around but-”

“-It’s not-”

‘- I came for your mom. I didn’t want to be a hindrance. I won’t disturb you, I promise.”

“Y/n-”

With that you leave him stuttering by himself. If this was what he wanted, this was what he would get.

Jimin stares blankly as you leave him alone.

“Let’s play another round!”

The entire family is sitting around a private bonfire by the beach, all chattering and laughing through the night. The sun is still on its way down, the sky emitting shades of orange as though it was the same fire coursing through your systems. With you sitting in Jimin’s embrace, both of you pretending like you were enjoying every moment together, every inch of you was on.

Jimin was initially sitting between his parents, claiming to have missed them for a long time while his cousins, all of whom were excited to have you around, dragged you to sit amongst them. Though you were so far apart apart, you found yourself looking at him way too often. He was laughing and smiling finally, like he didn’t all these weeks, the natural rosy red returning on his face. Whenever he turned to look at you though, you looked away.

As the night grew darker, rounds of would you rather and truth or dare increasing in number, everyone resorted to snuggling under blankets that Jennie began handing out. As you sat against the tree behing you, hugging your knees, turning down a blanket because you were worried about shortage, Jimin had walked up to you holding his hand out. You looked up at him, questions swimming in your eyes but he didn’t draw his hand back and when you looked around confused, you saw his mother discretely looking at you both from the corner of her eye. No wonder.....

You took his hand as he pulled you up, sitting down in your place instead, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders, and everyone around him burst out into fond laughters at how easily he fooled you, teasing you. Hiding your annoyance, you let out an barely visible, irritated breath and turned to leave when he pulled you by the hand into his lap, wrapping his blanket around the two of you together and holding you against the warmth of his chest.

That’s how you found yourself in your current position - you feeling his heart beating behind you, and his laughter ringing in your ears and warm skin against yours.

“Okay!” Jimin’s second cousin Jisoo claps her hands pointing at you. You groan inwardly as you realised you were next. Yeah, the game was fun when it started and this was what you were here for, to spend time with your family, but now it’s getting frustrating and on your nerves. Everyone was throwing around stupid questions not intending to get an answer, rather hoping not to, just to make the person who loses eat a spoonful of wasabi and watch their reaction. “Y/n, truth or dare?”

“Hmm....truth.”

“Okay.....Jimin’s birthday is coming soon-ish, in about two months right? So tell all what you are planning for him!”

Everyone let’s out encouraging oohs as you blink thoughtlessly. His birthday. You didn’t even remember. Jimin’s heart is beating fast behind you.

“I....I uh....I can’t tell you....it’s...its a surprise?” You try to save yourself.

“That means you aren’t answering” The woman before you smiles slowly. “Then it’s punishment time! One spoonful of wasabi coming right up!” She gleefully squeezes the paste onto the spoon as you shake your head.

“Hey that’s not fair! How am I supposed to answer that question without-”

“That’s your problem!” She pushes the spoon into your hand ignoring your argument. “You’ve to do the punishment Y/n!”

You sigh unable to avoid it, taking both, the spoon and a deep breath before quickly stowing it into your mouth as everyone watches, faces crinkled with worry. It takes only three seconds. Three seconds and you convulse, body reacting instantly as it touches your tongue, setting fire in your systems. Everyone around you laughs, amused at first then pitifully and Jimin immediately hands you water from behind you, bringing the glass to your lips, making you drink it.

“It’s not funny Jisoo.” Jimin shakes his head at his cousin who is roaring in laughter at your response.

“Wow Jimin, nearly all of us have done it by now, but you’re only worried when your wife does it. Impartial indeed huh?” She laughs teasing him and it takes a lot for you to not choke on your water.

You take the glass from him, drinking it slowly as he whispers by your ear. “Are you alright?”

You don’t answer him.

“Okay let’s move on!” You call out, grabbing everyone’s attention. “I’m alright now.”

Jimin relaxes for a brief second behind you till he hears his name.

“It’s Jimin next!” His aunt, Jisoo’s mother speaks up this time. “Truth or dare lad?”

“Dare.” He responds immediately.

“Not fair.” Jennie sits up. “He’s only been doing dares all this while and everyone knows Jimin loves dares. It’s high time we hear some truth from you, brother dear.” She stuck her tongue out at him and he sneered at her.

“Okay, truth then.”

“Alright then.......if you had to choose between Y/n and-”

“That’s a would-you-rather question, you can’t ask me that here.” Jimin interjects his sister before she even completes, making her huff in annoyance. “Think of something better, you dimwit.”

“Oh really.” She narrows her eyes at him. “I’m the dimwit? Okay cool, answer this then. What is the most romantic thing you and Y/n have ever done?”

Mrs.Park smacks her daughter on the arm, clicking her tongue in annoyance. “They are a married couple Jen, what kind of question......” She whispers amist everyone’s argument over the question.

“Mom I said romantic, not kinky, why are you getting so-”

“Watch your mouth Jennie.” Her voice is stern, making her daughter mummer under her breath.

“He doesn’t have to be truthful he can just eat the wasabi.....”

As Jimin’s mother shakes her head at her child who is already slowly putting wasabi on the spoon, and everybody laughs at the antics of the youngest in the household, nobody notices how tensed you and Jimin look.

“It was around Christmas time.” Jimin speaks up, making your eyes widen, as you turn to look at him over your shoulder. “Our car broke down and as we waited for it, we saw the first snow and walked home under it.”

The memory flashes before your eyes - Sitting on the hood, throwing snow at him, Jimin warming your hands with his breath, standing so close to you. It was the first time something felt so intimate between you two.

Jisoo’s brother Jinyoung scoffed disinterestedly from across the fire, scrolling through his phone like he was doing the whole game. “I will never understand romance and long painful walks, you guys are weird.”

“What do you want him to do then? Sit down next to his wife and play games on his stupid phone?” His wife snaps next to him, making the crowd erupt into laughter.

“No....How about long drives? By the beach or something? As you see the sunset? See, I can be romantic.” He snaps back at his wife, though smiling at her a little.

“And I will never understand romance and long drives where you fix your eyes on the road.” Jimin speaks unexpectedly. “I mean how is it that you take your eyes off her beautiful face?” You look at him over your shoulder surprised, meeting his eyes. “Try taking a walk with her. The kinds that you keep tripping in because you are so lost in her eyes.”

Jimin doesn’t break his gaze until you shift uncomfortably, turning away, praying to god he can’t hear how fast his heart was beating. How did he manage to do it? How did he manage to pretend everything was okay all the time? Was is just your heart which was a mess?

Jennie lets out the biggest aw ever as Jimin turns to her smirking. “Sister dear, it’s your turn isn’t it? Truth or dare?”

“Truth...” She pips timidly as Jimin lets out a satisfied sigh. “Alright, be honest and tell us all......how many boyfriends have you had so far?”

All his cousins instantly snickere into their hands, everyone being well aware of her notorious record of dating a long list of men as the adults frown confused. Jimin leans, half laughing, whispering to his sister, “Either answer honestly or eat the wasabi, sister dear.”

She smacks him across the arm, making a pouty face. “You are the meanest person ever-”

“Hey! It’s a proper question-”

“I hate you Jimin-”

“But I love you Jen-”

“No you don’t! Only Hoseok loves me, he would never ask me such -”

She suddenly falls silent, the mood of the gathering instantly turning solemn. You can feel your heart physically clench for a second, pain shooting up your chest, as Jimin too stiffened behind you. Looking down in the silence, you refuse to react, knowing it can only go one way. You had to control yourself and keep calm.

When you look up, you can see Jennie’s lower lip tremble as she quickly reaches for the wasabi, squeezing some straight into her mouth, blinking away tears till they started spilling down her cheeks.

“God, this is bad....” She struggles to grin through her pricked tears, wiping them but you know where they are coming from. They aren’t because of the sting of the paste, and you know that because your eyes were threatening to fill with tears for the same reason as hers. Jimin’s mother stands up excusing herself as his father immediately follows her. You try to get up too but Jimin has his hands wrapped around you tightly, holding you against his chest, his hand rubbing your arm softly, almost comfortingly.

Jisoo clears her throat, grabbing everyone’s attention, “Well that was....that was fun, let’s do something else then! How about a song? Jennie?”

Jennie nods slowly, grabbing her guitar and walking up to the front. As she tuned it and started softly strumming, Jimin’s parents come back, both giving you and Jimin a soft smile which you return, Jimin further wrapping you in his warm embrace as the night passed by, stars shining brighter, one in particular, the sky turning darker.

And that’s how your only night in Maldives is spent. You in his arms, both of your tired bodies eventually drifting off to sleep with the soulful music, all your thoughts being forced to get lost in the wilderness.

When you stir awake up in the morning as the sun rises, you are still in his embrace, face half buried in his chest and his arms still locked around you.

“Jimin....” You whisper looking up at him, noticing everyone around was still asleep and he groans slightly, loosening his grip around you, and falling back to sleep. You free yourself from him and stand up, stretching, walking closer to the waters as you watched the sun rise, its colours splattered across the morning sky. You barely stand for a minute when you hear scrambling noises around you and see Jimin waking up, looking around for you before he finally spots you standing, a little more awake now. He stands up, gathering the blanket and walks towards you, standing right beside.

“Sorry......” He starts slow. “About last night, I should have -”

You don’t even let him finish as you walk away.

“This egg and toast tastes so good, I want to kiss the chefs hand.” Jimin gobbles breakfast hungrily as everyone around the dining table snickered.

“Go kiss your wife’s hand then.” His father teases him as you choke on your food down the table. Jimin blinks at you, meeting your eye, but you look away, down at your food, picking it up clumsily with your fork. Jimin’s mother softly places her hand over yours, her eyes flickering between you and her son. “Is....Is everything okay?”

You swallow hard, heading reeling with thoughts. Should you tell her? That what she saw and heard yesterday was all a lie, that nothing was even close to what your and Jimin’s relationship seemed like? If his parents knew you both were so unhappy with your marriage, your father too would know soon and most importantly, they’d understand. If you tell them that you tried for almost a year now because you respected them and so tried to keep the marriage going but now it wasn’t working out anymore, they’d support you. Then maybe you wouldn’t have to put up with these pretenses anymore. Maybe you can end this once and for all.

But you look at the happy, chattering faces around the table. It would be selfish to spoil the mood because of your personal problem. You had to agree that Jimin was right. There’s a time and place for everything, and this perhaps, was not right. So you just shake your head convincing yourself to live with the misery you have been in for a little longer and turn to her. “Yeah, of course, I’m just tensed about work....I’ve to be in the lab the moment I return and it all seems so hectic.....”

She pats your hand. “You’re a smart person Y/n, you’ll figure it out I’m sure you will.”

You smile back at her, gripping the fork hard, feeling horrible for lying to her once more.

As you clear up after everyone, chatting with Jennie, he walks up to you, holding you by the elbow, smiling at the woman across you.

“Hey Jennie, I’m gonna borrow my wife for just a minute yeah?”

She nods as he pulls you aside into a nearby corridor, looking around to see if you had company.

“My mother is asking me questions. She said she feels like something doesn’t feel right and last night she somehow it seemed like we were forcing ourselves to look happy. I don’t know what more she expects......”

You stare at him blankly, not knowing what he was expecting you to say. He lets out a frustrated groan, “For fuck’s sake say something Y/n!”

“What? What do you want me to say?”

“We are raising eyebrows, we aren’t convincing enough. This- ” He points at the two of you. “-doesn’t look like a happy marriage Y/n-”

“It’s not.”

Jimin quietens at your words, letting out a sigh. “I know. But the world doesn’t and they don’t need to-”

“But I can’t do more than this Jimin! I can’t pretend like you. For almost a year now I’ve been trying to pretend everything is okay or hoping that at least it will be and it’s getting me nowhere. I’m done trying, I’m done trying to hide. I’m sorry it’s not enough, but I can’t do anymore.”

With that you pull your hand away from his grip and walk away.

Unlike other times when he always watched you walk away, he follows you into your room, shutting the door behind you. You turn around to him as he approaches you, taking a step back, “Stop Jimin.”

“You’re being unreasonable Y/n-”

“Wow thanks.” You throw your hands in the air. “Thanks for telling me the exact same things I’ve been telling you all this while. I hope you know how it feels now-”

“This is not the time for you to get back at me Y/n! It isn’t just you and me here-”

“What makes you think I’m getting back at you?!” You stare at him incredulously. “You said you wanted distance, you said stay away and I’m doing that yet you have a problem?”

Jimin grows silent.

“What?” You mock him, raising your eyebrow. “Sounds exactly like what you said to me? Good! At least now you’ll know what an asshole you were-”

Jimin holds your wrist pinning it to your back, pushing you against the wall, knocking over the vases next to you in the process, as they land crashing on the floor.

“Enough.” He growls with his voice low, incredibly close to you. “I’m not an asshole if I don’t let you always have your way Y/n. You can’t walk away from me whenever you feel and expect me to run back to you whenever you want me to-”

“I never did....I never wanted to walk away from you Jimin, you never understood that. You never understood me and-”

“You don’t understand me. We both don’t seem to understand each other, so let’s talk.”

“Oh now you want to talk? When I tried to tell you that night, when I begged you Jimin, you did’t listen -”

“Because I was mad! I was mad and hurt at how easy it was for you to spend all your time working and not have to face the emptiness of this relationship like I did everyday.” You open your mouth to talk but he shuts it, covering it with his hand, continuing, ignoring your widened eyes. “I was mad that it was so easy for you to walk off and so easy to just come back like everything will be normal -ow! What the fuck Y/n! ”

He shouts as you bite the inside of his hand, making him draw it back, shaking it fast. “Wow really mature-”

“How could you even think it wasn’t difficulty for me Jimin?!-”

“It didn’t look like it!-”

“It would have if you listened to me!-”

“All I do is listen to you!” Jimin is almost shouting. “All you want me to do is listen to you! Do you ever listen to what I want-”

“Fine!” You too raise your voice, annoyed at how like always, this conversation too seemed to be going nowhere. “Fine. I’ll listen to you, tell me now.”

Jimin stares, lips parted and you knew him well enough to tell, he had no idea.

“What? Why are you quiet?”

“I...I don’t know okay!” The smashes the wall behind you with his hands on either side. “I don’t know what I want, I’m confused and I just can’t figure out! Your presence and absence, both affect me in ways I cannot understand -”

“Well that’s exactly what I’ve been feeling ever since we got married.” You say softly because really, you do understand. You understand what it is like. Taking a deep breath you explain, “I like having you around but at the same time every time I look at you, it pains me and I want you gone but when you’re not there, it hurts me even more and it’s all so messed up....”

“What do we do now Y/n?” Jimin sighs.

“I don’t know.” You shake your head.

And the two of you just stand like that, lost, and unguided, seconds turning to minutes, until Jennie slams the door open, making you jump apart.

“Oh sorry!” She squeals turning around as the two of you awkwardly look at each other. “The cab is here to take Y/n to the airport, he’s been waiting for a while, so if you guys are done then....”

Jimin nods at her slowly, looking at you, as he swallows on nothing, “Yeah, we are done here.”

You can’t tell if it’s a question or a statement.

“I’ll...I’ll see you at home” You take a step back, grabbing your luggage, ignoring the scattered broken pieces of the vase, a memory flashing in your mind of the night of your wedding, which ended like this - broken, shattered pieces everywhere.

It’s only as you shut the door behind you that you hear him. “Be careful Y/n.”

It’s been a week since you returned from Maldives and nothing had reall changed.

That night, you left the resort, having booked tickets only for day, just to please Jimin’s mother with your presence. You had to be present at the lab when the consolidated results came out, so staying for long was never a possibility. The family sadly sent you off as you left much ahead of everyone else, unable to be there for the barbecue party at night or the trip to the beach they had arranged for the next day. Jimin’s mother offered to send her son to the airport but you refused, stating you could go alone and a wave was all that did the job of a farewell between the two of you.

Since you returned to London you had been in the lab for about four days straight, making reports and analysis for nights together. Exactly when you returned home finally done with your work, with days of sleep in your eyes, Jimin had left to Scotland. He left you a message about it stating he had to leave for some business expansion works and would take over two weeks to come back and you know what that meant - More time without clarity about what was between you both. You still didn’t understand if the conversation between the both of you was over or not and what to make out of it. You could only roam about in the same ambiguity you had in all these months and sigh at how nothing seemed to be able to heal your bruised relationship and how much longer it was taking to find answers.

But the answer came soon, and in the most unexpected way.

They say in life you have to lose something to gain something. In a week the truth behind those words hit you.

It’s nearly midnight when Jimin rushes back urgently from Scotland halfway through his trip to find you.

He finds you sitting on the floor in the middle of the bathroom, fully clothed, hair still up. Your knees are against your chest and arms wrapped around them and the water from the shower head is falling on you so he cannot tell whether you are drenched in water or tears. And your head hurts so much from all the pain that you are barely thinking straight at all. You have no idea what you are doing.

Jimin has no idea how long you have been sitting like this either. It breaks his heart to see you like that though. Someone who is always so strong, looking so shattered before him. He immediately enters the shower switching off the faucet, crouching in front of you, trying not to get his pant wet on the bathroom floor.

“Y/n....” He shakes you by the arm gently when you don’t respond, still gaining no reaction from you. “What have you done to yourself....”

You are this close to losing the little bit sanity left in you, this close to burying your face between your knees and sobbing miserably. But you don’t allow yourself to cry properly, not in front of Jimin. You don’t want to burden him with your tears, not now, not ever. But like always, Jimin knows. He knows why you keep wiping your tears away every other minute and why your voice is getting stuck in your throat and not leaving you.

Making up his mind, he gets up and switches on the faucet again, before sitting right behind you, legs on either side, both your knees against his, his entire body cradling yours. He gently removes your hair band letting you hair drop over your shoulders, and pulls you back into his arms, as you feel his chest against the length of your back, and his breath at the crook of your neck. And he gently holds you in his embrace as the water continues to fall on you both sitting on the bathroom floor silently, and you allow yourself to cry again. Hot hot tears make their way down your face, every bottled up emotion slowly finding its release. This is just what you needed, silence and a way to let your tears flow in the quiet. Jimin’s presence makes it all the more comforting.

But before minutes turned into hours, you snap back into your senses realizing what you are doing.

“Jimin....”

He reacts instantly, straightening up, “Are you alright?”

You nod softly as he stands up, switching off the faucet and holds his hand out. You look up at him properly for the first time in days now. He stands drenched head to toe, dressed in a formal white shirt and black pant which he often wore to this workplace. Normally the way his shirt is sticking to his body would have affected you but not tonight. Too many unexpected things happened tonight. One was the phone call and the other, Jimin’s presence.

You hesitatingly take his hand as he helps you stand, joints aching a little from the rigid position you were seated in. Before you can say anything though, Jimin quickly rushes out of the bathroom, returning with a towel which he hands you and a pair of your clothes which he hangs on the nearby stand. Slightly contemplating on what to do, he hesitates then decides to leave again, closing the door behind him as he goes giving you your privacy. You slowly step out of the shower in your dripping wet clothes and strip out of them before drying yourself gently, skin still sensitive everywhere from hours of staying in the water. You look in the mirror at your swollen eyes and red face. You are glad it was impossible to see one’s heart. You don’t want to see what a mess yours was at the moment.

When you change and step out, Jimin has already dried himself, changed and is waiting for you, standing right up the moment he sees you, walking to you. Unexpectedly, he guides you towards the edge of the bed making you sit down and takes the towel from your hand, gently drying your hair as you sit with your knees between his legs, looking up at him questioningly through the wet strands.

“You’re going to catch a cold if its wet for long.”

You know that. You’re a science major of course you know that, but you just keep quiet. Today you need him more than ever because you know and so does he, that he is the only one who can handle the broken pieces of you. You look down as tears form in your eyes again, but Jimin crouches down, getting on his knees before you, lifting your head by the chin.

“You don’t have to hide them from me Y/n.” He smoothly tosses the towel on the near by chair and holds your hands in his. “It’s okay. Don’t hide them.”

He strokes the back of your hand gently, looking at how much thinner you have gotten over the past few weeks. “I know how you are feeling Y/n. This...this isn’t going to be an easy phase. For you or for me, as a matter of fact. But I’m always there for you Y/n. Always there to talk. To cry. To scream. I’m always there.”

You feel your voice leaving you like a whisper. “Are you really?”

Jimin nods raising his head and you can see, his eyes are glassy as well. “Am I not?”

No matter what the relationship between you and Jimin seemed like, no matter what you both made it look like, no matter what happened, you knew Jimin was always there for you. When you got the phone call in the evening though, he was not home. And as you sat in the shower screaming and wailing and crying till it was so hard to breathe and even harder to cry, the only things that listened to you were the walls and the silence Jimin left you in.

But seeing him by your bed again, the feeling returns to the back of your mind. The feeling that Jimin is always there, no matter what.

He helps you stand, holding your shoulders as he leads you to bed, making you lie down, pulling the covers over you.

“I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” He tucks you in properly before taking a step back, ready to leave you alone again. You don’t think you can bear it anymore, not when everyone you want seems to be leaving you. You hold his hand just as he is about to go but you can’t bring yourself to say anything. Stay. Don’t leave.

But he doesn’t ask anything either. He simply switches off the bed lamp and slips under your comforter with you in the darkness of the night.

“Try to sleep Y/n.” He pushes the strands of your hair off your face and slowly pats your head. “It’s going to be a long night otherwise.”

“If you were me, would you be able to sleep?”

Jimin is silent for a while. You can’t see his face but he is looking at you sadly, you know. “No. I’d be crying my eyes out. I’d probably even be screaming the whole night.”

“I did that.” You whisper into the nothingness. “You weren’t there.”

It’s as though a lump is stuck in Jimin’s throat. You think he’s tearing up. His voice is usually like this when he cries.

“I’m so sorry Y/n. I should have-”

“You couldn’t have, it’s not your fault.”

“But it is.” He insists. “I could have come back earlier but I chose to stay. I chose to stay away for a while so I could gather my thoughts and think everything through....”

“You went away on purpose.” You speak softly in the silence.

“It was hard to be okay seeing you over and over again and not knowing what to do.. I thought we should take that space and I was wrong. I should have been here, its my fault-”

“No.” You whisper. “I’m sorry. If not for me none of this would have happened. Like so many things, I’m the one to blame.”

Jimin is silent, letting you speak, pour your heart out.

“I’ve always been so stupid Jimin. You’re mother told me. She told me he wasn’t feeling well, she asked me to come see him. I didn’t listen. I was all about work and work and work that I prioritized it over my father. My own father. And now look. He’s gone.”

You can feel your breath hitching in your throat as the tears begin to spring up once again. And you are crying, sobbing full fledged, hot hot tears making their way down your face. Jimin pulls you towards him and you wrap your arms around him, burying your face in the crook of his neck, weeping uncontrollably. His arms cradle you gently as his hand slowly moves against your hair, stroking you calmingly. It takes a while for the hics to stop and your breath stabilize to again so you could find your voice and Jimin is patient with you the whole while.

“I should have gone to see him. I’m stupid Jimin. I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t have-”

“Shh shh Y/n.” He holds you tighter and you reciprocate, snuggling into his warmth as your tears stained his shirt. “I know you want to speak right now. But you need to sleep Y/n. It’s going to be a long night otherwise. And it won’t be easy.”

“Will you be here?” You didn’t think he’d hear it. You didn’t really want him to.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

You can feel his lips on the crown of your head but the tiredness of your body, the scent of his and the dull thumping of his heartbeat against your chest all lull you to sleep.

Whether it’s the sudden fear that he’s not there which wakes you up in the middle of the night or thirst, you don’t know. Yes your throat did feel dry and you did badly want water but the sight before you makes you forget everything because it is the only thing that matters.

Jimin is in a deep slumber like he hadn’t had the chance to sleep this well in days now. His lips are slightly parted and his breathing rhythmic, chest moving up and down slowly. His face is millimeters apart from you but not touching yours - nose, lips, all hovering next to each other. It’s times like this that remind you why you’re so in love in with him and why doing this was so hard. You want to kiss him, run your hands all over him, make him yours and become his in every way possible but there’s a part of you that will never allow you to do that. The part that drowns in guilt every day.

And the sight you longed so much for is before you only till the sun would rise a few hours from later, so closing your eyes you let your nose graze his, your breaths mingling and forced yourself to sleep once you’ve memorized the picture of him like this. A part of you wants to wish the sun will never rise but experience tells you that to wish for something so big is so dangerous, and so you simply fall back to sleep before feeling his arms wrap you tighter once again.

When you wake up in the morning Jimin isn’t before you. Your heart is just about sink because of his absence but you can feel the weight of his arm around you and his breath against the nape of your neck. You turn, just a little bit, just enough to see his face as he slowly opens his eyes, blinking, looking dazed. It takes a whole minute before he can open them fully and look at you.

“Did you sleep well?” He looks at you, arms still around your waist.

“Much better than I thought I would.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Are you? Shall I make something?” You try to get up but he isn’t letting you go.

“How about you shower and I’ll see about breakfast?” Jimin sits up, stretching. You follow his action as he slips out of bed, and you nod to his proposal. Your body is too tired all over to protest.

As you pull up your messy hair into a ponytail Jimin watches you standing at the edge of your bed, the features of his face molded with concern,

“What?”

He shakes his head, his hand cupping your cheek, lifting it to look in your eyes. “Are you okay?”

His eyes show so much but you can’t understand it. Sometimes words are the most important but both of you aren’t finding the right ones to say to each other. You take his hand in yours and stare at how they fit in each other.

“I don’t know Jimin.”

He tightens his grip on your hand and leans in, kissing your forehead softly. “Everything will be fine.” He pulls back, a small reassuring smile on his face.

You nod letting his hand go and he takes it back, walking away. And as he leaves your heart as usual is beating at double the speed.

After shower when you go down, true to his word Jimin is nearly done with making breakfast. The smell of pancakes is wafting through the living room as you walk out of the room. Jimin looks up from his task of pouring juice into the glass as you approach and frowns.

“It’s strange seeing you in pajamas in the morning.”

“You didn’t exactly leave me with a choice.” You sit down at the kitchen counter as he sets the plate before you, pancakes stacked clumsily. “You called Jin.”

Jimin looks apologetic. When you came out of the shower and checked your phone, Jin’s message surprised you. A week’s holiday and an extended submission date for your projects - obviously your boss had got the news and there could be no one but Jimin who gave it to him.

Jimin whispers a small sorry before producing an envelope from his back pocket and slides it across the table towards you. You look at him perplexed before taking it, scrounging through its contents. It’s two flight tickets to Seoul.

“I needed to know how long we could go for......”

You are still staring at the tickets, mind fuzzy.

“Y/n?”

“I.....I don’t want to go Jimin. I can’t.” You drop the tickets on the table, taking your hands back to your lap. “I didn’t go all the while he was there. If I go now, the guilt will crush me. I....I don’t think I can take the burden of that. I already carry enough....”

“Y/n.” Jimin leans across the table letting out a sigh. “I understand how you feel but shouldn’t you go to him one last time? You’re his daughter Y/n. He deserves a send off from you doesn’t he?”

“But Jimin-”

“No buts.” He cuts a piece of pancake for you and holds it out with a fork. “Eat now. I’ll start packing, the flight is in a few hours.”

You look at him, begging to not do this. But he’s adamant. and you know, no amount of argument is going to stop Jimin from taking you to Seoul. You let out a sigh and take the fork from him, causing him to smile.

As you take a bite, surprised at the good taste, Jimin stands up ready to leave. “Not bad. When did you learn to make this?”

“Home economics.” You raise an eyebrow as he shrugs. “What, I told you remember? I took it cause the teacher was hot.”

You actually smile a little at that, shaking your head. “Still, I didn’t know you were capable of doing this by yourself.”

Jimin smiles tucking his hands in his pockets, walking towards you and then behind. “Of course I am. In fact, it’s you who wasn’t supposed cook after getting married.”

His words pleasantly surprise you making you turn around to look him. “You...you remember that?”

Jimin stops walking and looks over his shoulder at you. “I don’t think there’s anything about you that I have forgotten Y/n.” And he walks away, leaving you simply watching him.

Three hours later you’re walking in the departure hall of the airport with your luggage checked in and boarding ticket in your hand. The other hand is held by Jimin who quietly took it as you got out of the taxi about an hour ago and he hasn’t let it go since then. You don’t feel like letting go either.

It’s only when you reach the waiting area outside the gate that Jimin lets go and goes to get the two of you a coffee. As the two of you silently drink it, you can’t help think about how different yet similar the relationship between the two of you was compared to the last time the two of you were in the airport. Close yet far. Distant yet near.

You take the window seat on the plane and Jimin the one next to you.

As the plane takes of you are looking out at the runway, at how the city is getting smaller, at how Seoul is getting closer.

Jimin is looking only at you.

For nearly 5 hours after take off, you sit down under the small light working through your laptop, making your reports and analysis. Jimin went through some magazines, listening to songs for a long time to perhaps give you company, till he gave up being too exhausted and his eyes falling shut, head rolling to the side from time to time as he dozes off. When your joints feel stiff and you stretch, you take a minute to just look at him. At how peaceful he looks when he’s asleep. At how much he looks like Jimin back in the days you were best friends. You can’t help but get a feeling that the Jimin you knew all these years is back and with you again. But then again, it’s not him who had changed. It was you who had.

Jimin’s eyes flutter open slowly at the commotion the baby many seats down the aircraft was creating and his eyes fall on you looking at him. Unlike most times, you don’t quickly look away, pretending like you weren’t looking at him. Instead you continue watching, as Jimin straightens out worried, snapping out of his sleep.

“What’s wrong?”

You shake your head. “You look like a baby when you sleep.”

Jimin laughs softly at that. “You would too. If only you let yourself sleep.” He shuts your laptop and puts his arm around you pulling you closer to rest your head on his shoulder. “Sleep for a while Y/n.”

And the moment your eyes flutter shut, you are fast asleep.

The next time you and Jimin share such close proximity is nearly 12 hours later. As soon as you got off the plane, both of you pull out your shades and scarves, covering your face from any possible media person. Then you sit in the cab, Jimin in front, you at the back. It’s a 3 hour drive home. The whole of the 3 hours though, nothing transpires between you both. You pretend you are lost looking at the traffic of the streets of Seoul while truly watching his tensed expression as he checked his phone, every other minute as though he was expecting someone important or needed to do something crucial. You didn’t ask, he didn’t tell.

When you reach the familiar looking mansion, your first thought is to run away. To not want to face whatever is waiting. All the guilt, all the regrets. You don’t want to face any of them. The moment you get off the cab Jimin’s mum pulls you into her tight embrace. Those two moments of motherly comfort are enough to make your eyes brim with tears. It’s even worse when you hear her starting to sob sorrowfully but you refuse to cry again. Not like this, not in front of everyone. Jimin stands behind you, comfortingly rubbing her back as Mrs. Park pulls back and wipes her tears while you blink away your own.

“Hush now...We are all there for you Y/n. We are always there.”

You nod, drawing back as the servants of the house arrive taking your luggage in one by one. Mrs. Park puts her hand on your cheek softly.

“It must have been a very tiring flight dear. How about you and Jimin head to his room, freshen up and rest for a while?”

You nod again and follow her inside, with Jimin right behind you. The house is still just as you remember it and Jimin’s room, even more so. The moment you step into his room it’s like coming home from a long vacation. Everything feels so safe and comforting, everything brings up a new memory.

There is dust gathering on the window seat where you and Jimin used to hang out for hours together, you reading a book and him thoughtlessly playing with your toes as he texted his girlfriends on his phone.

“Jimin stop it.” You pull your foot back not looking up from your book.

“Hmm.” Jimin doesn’t let you go.

“Jimin that tickles.” You look up at him to see him sitting across you on the window seat, absolutely immersed in his phone.

“Hmm.” He’s barely even listening to you. You roll you eyes.

“Jimin I’m serious!” You lean forward grabbing the phone from him as he looks shocked immediately reaching for it.

“Y/n give it back!”

“I’ve been talking to you the last 5 mins you’ve barely looked at me.”

“I’m sorry it’s just this is important-“

“Who is it?” You look at the name. Hye Jung. You let out a sigh, giving Jimin a cold look before slapping the phone back onto his hand.

“Sorry.” Slamming your book shut, you slide down from the window seat. “Didn’t realise you had such important things.”

“Hey Y/n.” He holds your hand as you start to walk away, tilting his head and looking into your eyes. “Nothing and no one is ever, more important than you.”

Jimin sits on the couch as you walk around it - the couch where you used to laughingly fight as you beat him in the video games or spent nights together binge-watching seasons of Friends.

“You’re cheating!” You look at Jimin shocked

“I did not!”

“You literally pulled the control out of my hand!”

“You dropped it, don’t blame me!”

“You’re a liar Jimin! I’m not playing with you anymore.”

“You’re a sore loser Y/n.”

“I’m not!” You smack him lightly on the arm. “You’re the one being petty!”

“Ow! This isn’t fun anymore.”

“You suggested this!” You look at him incredulously. “I wanted to finish watching season 2 of friends!”

“We can watch later, you’re not going anywhere anytime soon anyways.”

You raise an eyebrow, “I have a house to go back to Jimin?”

Jimin shakes his head firmly. “Not going.”

He beats you narrowly as he crosses the finish line and drops the game control grinning. “That was the best game ever, it couldn’t be more fun.”

You roll your eyes, as he sinks further into the couch. “You literally said it wasn’t fun half a minute ago.”

Head resting back he turns to you, giving you a lopsided smile. “Nothing with you is not fun Y/n.”

As you open the wardrobe before which you would stand and argue about Jimin’s pathetic fashion sense, you see some of your clothes are still hanging there like they always do.

“I can’t stay over tonight Jimin, stop whining.”

“But why not? It’s late and I don’t feel like walking you over to your house now.”

“We have school tomorrow idiot and I’m not sleeping in jeans, I can only sleep in my night clothes.”

“There are so many of your night clothes in my house, literally.” He flings to wardrobe open. “Almost half your wardrobe is here.”

“None of my shorts are.” You point out. “It’s really hot tonight, I want to sleep in my shorts.”

“I’ll switch on the A.C for you?”

“I’m leaving Jimin.”

“Wear one of mine then! I have a lot of shorts anyways-“

“No, sorry, even if it’s just to sleep, I am not wearing those unfashionable shorts of yours, no way.”

“They’re not unfashionable!”

“What boy wears shorts that short Jimin? I barely see girls wear clothes that short.”

“Good for you then isn’t it? You’re a girl, you wear them and sleep.”

“I’m not wearing them, end of story, give me my house keys Jimin.”

He looks at you straight in the eye, “Stay Y/n, please.”

And that night you end up sleeping there in just his shirt, still refusing to wear his shorts, but unable to refuse him.

You walk by the bed, where you spent so many nights falling asleep, as you go to the bathroom, washing your face with the cold waters. Everything in the room held memories that were both painful and comforting.

When you come out, Jimin is still sitting on the couch but with his mother now, engaged in a conversation that did not exactly seem pleasant. Their expressions change the moment they see you, not fast enough for you to not see, enough for you to have questions.

“What happened?”

“Nothing dear.” His mother stands up, slightly worried as Jimin walks up to you putting an arm around you. “I was just telling Jimin here that you both seem to be doing much better now, I can see something has changed.”

Being hurt always changes a lot of things.

You looked at Jimin, well aware. “What’s wrong Jimin? I know something is.”

“Nothing is wrong Y/n, it’s just....” His mother sighs, watchiing you cautiously. “Your father.... It’s the third day today Y/n, he needs to be cremated. The hospital authorities have called saying we need to bring him.....” She stops seeing how you’ve blanked out. “It’s your last chance to-”

“Please.” You look at her pleadingly. “I don’t want to see him.”

“Y/n, honey, he’s your father-”

“Precisely why I can’t do this.” You turn to Jimin, begging him with your eyes. “I listened to you I came to Seoul because you insisted, but please don’t ask this of me. Please don’t make this any harder for me than it already is. I don’t want to go.” He nods his head as he allows you to bury your face at the crook of his neck, wrapping his arms around your shoulder protectively.

“Mum, give us five minutes.”

Jimin’s mother probably nodded because you didn’t hear her voice but you did hear her footsteps as she leaves. Jimin gently rubs his hand against your arm.

“Listen Y/n, if you don’t want to go, no one is going to force. But this is the last time you can see him...”

“See him lifeless? See him like that when I know he will never hug me back, he will never smile at me, he won’t ever.....Oh god no Jimin. I don’t ever want to see him like that, I don’t ever want such a picture in my head, I can never live with it......I can’t.”

“I know, I understand. If this is your choice, then I’ll respect it. But then, at least I should go Y/n. See him off for the both of us.”

You pull back letting him go as he takes a step back. “I’ll be back soon yeah?” He takes another step stopping by the door. “Don’t worry, if anything just call me alright?”

With that he leaves as you sink onto the couch, lost in thoughts, contemplating on how wrong a decision this might have been. Should you go and seen him? What was the point of seeing him after he was gone? Why didn’t you go all these days?

You know why. You know exactly why.

“You called, father?” You peak into the library of your house to see your father sitting on the rocking chair in front of the fire, a book in his hand. He looks up as you enter, removing his glasses to see you better.

“Ah Y/n, come sit.” He beckons you and you sit cross legged on the floor in front of him, extending your hands to feel the warmth of the fire.

“Grown too old to sit in my lap isn’t it?”

You laugh, nodding. “A little too old yes.”

“Old enough for a lot of things Y/n.”

“What do you mean dad?”

“Y/n,” He leans forward tiredly. “You are the only child I have, my only successor, the only one who can take over my business.”

Your face falls realizing what this talk is about. Your father notices it immediately.

“Oh no Y/n. I’m not asking you to take over. I know you don’t want to, you’ve never showed interest for business. Being a scientist, wanting to work in the London, I’m not asking you to let go all those dreams Y/n, I’v always wanted my daughter to do whatever she wants, live life like she wants to.”

“Then what is it?” You frown confused. “If this is not about me inheriting your business then what do you want to talk about?”

“This is still about my business Y/n. If you can see, I’m growing old.” You reach forward and hold his hand. He chuckles at your worry and then turns serious again.”I worked long and hard for this business Y/n. It’s so hard to just let it go to someone else. Besides, there are so many jobs at risk if I let someone take over. So many families that run on those jobs.”

“I’m so sorry dad. I -”

“Don’t apologize dear. I’m not blaming you. I told you, seeing you live your dreams will make me the happiest.” He smiles fondly. “But I don’t want to let the business go so easily. However.....There’s a way I can still ensure it’s safe.”

“How?”

“By merging with the Park’s business.” He proceeds to clarify seeing the confused look on your face. “If we merge our business with the Parks, being the loyal friends they have been for over 30 years now, I know it will be in good hands and that even if I’m not leading it, my opinion will still be respected. But agreements on paper never last long Y/n. Money can make any friend a foe.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean this business deal has to be more than a business deal. And I need your help for it.”

“How can I help dad?”

“Marry into the Park family Y/n.”

You eyes widen at the request. “.....What?’

“I know this is sudden and unexpected but you know I won’t ask you for anything unless I’m helpless. I can’t think of any other way Y/n. This business was as much your mother’s hard work as mine dear. I can’t find any other way to keep it safe.”

You’re silent, mind working fast on the hundreds of things this could mean. You marrying Jimin? You being a part of his life as his wife? You were best friends, what could this mean? How would things change now?

“I’m sorry this is too much to ask Y/n. You’ve grown up with him all your life, I assumed this would be alright with you...”

“But I want to go back to London dad. I want to work there, will he-”

“He’s agreed to follow you there Y/n. We are anyways looking forward to expand the business there. He needs to be there anyways.”

Really? Jimin in London? But you can’t imagine it. Jimin had all his life wanted to stay in Seoul. You remember one summer vacation when you asked to come to London for university he refused, saying he couldn’t dream of a life away from Seoul, that there was no where else he could think of as home. You remember because it disappointed you. Because your desires were so different. Because it meant you could never dream of a life together with him. But now, he was willing to come? For you? But this wedding....What did he think of it?

“And he?” You ask looking up. “Is he okay with this...”

“I’m only asking you after he said yes Y/n.”

Suddenly you feel giddy with nervousness, butterflies attacking every corner of your stomac. This. This is perhaps exactly how everyone feels when a dream comes true.

“Yes. Yes I’ll marry him.”

Your father looks pleasantly surprised, but so happy as he pats your head, smiling. “Thank you Y/n. The Park family will be happy to know you have agreed to marry their elder son, Hoseok.”

And instantly, every single of those dreams come crashing down.

You blamed your father for it. You blamed everything on him. On the one man you trusted would only do something if it meant you good, the one man you loved more than anyone, the one man you never thought would be the cause of this. Knowingly or unknowingly, he had ruined everything.

All your life, you were nothing but thankful to him, for a lot of things. For being the reason you met Jimin in the first place, for his one decision of buying a house in the same locality as him, sending you to the same playschool as him. You were thankful he let you have sixteen beautiful years in the company of Jimin’s friendship. For letting you have those late nights out with your best friend, for laughing with you when you told him about all your silly antics, for consoling you every time you and Jimin had a silly argument. You were really, really grateful to him.

Even when your mother passed away the year you entered high school and your father isolated himself from everyone, submerging deeper and deeper into his work to handle his pain, you weren’t hurt. When he took you away from Korea to London, away from your friends, from everything, all you did was sympathize. He was going to the city he met your mother, a place that held thousands of memories of her that he wanted to live with. You were still thankful that at least once a year, every summer for eight years straight he brought you to Seoul, to Jimin. He let you have those two months to revive the friendship you missed every moment you spent without your best friend.

Until the ninth summer he brought you here and everything changed, your life falling apart into a horrible mess. For this, you blamed your father. You blamed him for your confused marriage, your shattered friendship, your workaholic nature. Everything.

Though really, it wasn’t his fault. It was never his fault. He never wanted anything but the best for you. But you didn’t stop blaming him. Because its so much easier to hold someone else responsible over things you had no control over. It’s so much more easier to point fingers at one person than try and understand what they did and why they did it. You took the easy way out. You simply held him responsible, looking over your own mistakes simply saying the fault was his, refusing to speak to him or even see him. You were hurt every time you thought about him, you thought you’d be even more hurt if you saw him again. But now that he was not there anymore, you realise how much more hurt you are.

Breaking away from your thoughts you see the sky getting darker. The cars of Jimin’s family enter the estate, his mother, father and sister getting down. Jimin is nowhere to be seen. Where was he?

Still wondering, you stand up and decide to submerge yourself in work instead, like you always do when you don’t want to think too much. A little something you had learnt from your father.

After unpacking the suitcases and arranging them in the room, showering and even cleaning up the room a little, you find yourself nearly three hours after the sun had completely set, finishing eating dinner alone in the room. You sit across the most colorful wall of Jimin’s room staring at the pictures of the two of you and your years of memories. They were such beautiful photographs, such wonderful days. There’s pictures of you two all the way from when you were in diapers to your individual high school graduation pictures in two different countries altogether. There’s memories of you in the arcade, in the amusement park, of all the birthday parties you threw for him and his surprised reactions. You’re both smiling and laughing so beautifully in each of them. Except the two latest additions on the wall - your wedding photo and the picture of you both sleeping in each other arms in Maldives. They hurt in a strange way.

You are still staring at them when Jimin finally returns, standing right behind you.

“You looked beautiful on prom day.”

Your vision tunnels on the one photo of you and Jimin standing with your dates in front of the school building. You remembered how much fun Jimin had that night and how much you didn’t, seeing another girl in his arms while having to stand in the arms of another man.

“Did.....Is everything done?” You can feel your voice shaking.

“They cremated him. His ashes have been brought back though, once we read his will, we shall know what he wanted us to do with them. The lawyers are working on some formalities, it should be here in a day or two.”

You nodded silently before speaking up, turning to face him, “Do you think it was a stupid thing to do? To not see him one last time? I didn’t even apologize for everything, didn’t tell him how much I loved him and what he meant to me.”

“Sometimes you don’t need to speak to let the other person know whether you love them or not or how much you love them. If they love you enough they will know.”

For a moment it seems like he’s talking about something else, looking sadly out of the window but then he turns to you again. “You didn’t need to say anything to him Y/n, you had no need to apologize. Your father always thought you were a wonderful daughter Y/n, even though you let the guilt sit in you that you couldn’t do much for him, you did everything he wanted - he wanted to see you live you’re dream, become that scientist you so badly wanted to become. And he saw you live it. I think he went contended Y/n, you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

“Then I should have at least thanked him for everything don’t you think?”

“You can do that now also Y/n.” He takes your hand and places it on your beating heart. “Your father shall always be here. You can thank him all you want whenever you want to.”

You smile slightly because its so simple. Its such a simple answer to a problem that was beginning to eat you on the inside.

“Thank you Jimin....you just saved me from becoming miserable all over again.”

He smiles as the clock makes an echoing sound in the room and he turns to it.

“Go to bed Y/n. It’s late and you should rest.”

You nod, walking to the wardrobe grabbing your night clothes and then into the washroom, and that’s when you realise - Something wasn’t right with Jimin. He was talking to you well, paying attention to your words, being concerned about you but the moment you turned and looked at him through the mirror, he settled on the couch and had his phone out, looking worried at it. Even after you come out after a shower he is still on it and through your entire skincare routine too.

"Should I get dinner put on the table for you?” You walk up to him slowly.

“I ate already, just grabbed some street snacks because I was getting late.” He speaks, still on his phone.

You clear your throat, a little hesitant. “Everyone came back in the evening, what took you so long?”

Jimin finally looks up from that little device. “Nothing important....just....just something I had to do. Don’t worry about it.”

“Is it done?” You look at him questioningly. “Whatever you had to do?”

“Not yet.” You can see the disappointment in him. “But hopefully soon. I’m sure it’ll be.” He stands up, holding your hand to help himself up. “It’s not too important Y/n, don’t bother. You should sleep now, I’ll shower and come.”

As you nod he leaves, scourging through the wardrobe as you slip under the covers. You decide to stay awake at least until he comes, hoping maybe if you ask him once more he’d tell you whats been bothering him ever since he stepped into Seoul but you can’t do it and your eyes flutter shut, pulling you into a deep sleep.

For some reason though you wake up in the middle of the night and when you do, Jimin is not next to you. You panic for a second, instantly sitting up, only to see him at the window seat, illuminated by the moonlight, still fidgeting with his phone. Sighing softly, you kick the sheets off of you, get up and walk to him, and its not until you place your hand on his shoulder that he realizes you’ve woken up.

“Y/n! God you startled me a little-”

“Is everything okay?”

“What? Yeah yeah of course. Just jet lag I guess, I wasn’t feeling very sleepy….” He rubs his neck nervously. You already know he’s lying to you. It’s the same thing still bothering him. “You should go back to sleep Y/n, why’d you wake up? You seem so tired moreover-”

“You’re as exhausted as I am.” Even though he asked you not to worry about it, you can tell by his tensed self that something was seriously going on and he won’t tell you, perhaps to not add to your worries? You don’t know but right now it wasn’t important to know what it was. You just needed him to be okay.

You hold your hand out to him. “Come to bed Jimin.”

He looks at your outstretched hand and takes it, fingers intertwining with a soft smile that makes your heart melt just a little. As you walk hand in hand, climbing into the bed, you don’t know which of you is being taken care of. When you slip under the sheets together, he wraps his arms around you tightly, chin brushing your forehead, and you know for sure now that he’s been hurt, that some part of him is aching.

“Jimin.”

“Hmm.” You can hear him hum in the darkness.

“If there’s anything wrong, you can tell me.”

He’s quiet for a bit. “What’s wrong is….. I don’t know what’s right anymore Y/n.”

You pull back, looking at him in the soft moonlight, eyes meeting his. “What do you mean?”

“You and I. We. Are we right?”

You blink, swallowing on nothing. “I don’t understand.”

“This.” He looks at where your hands meet as the wrap around each other. “Is this right?”

You begin to draw back. “Jimin I-“

“I don’t know any more Y/n.” He tightens his hold around you and you can see his eyes are glassy. “I don’t know anything, and right now, I don’t want to either. I just for once, don’t want to analyse anything, about what’s right and what’s wrong, about what I should do and what I shouldn’t. I want to do what I want without thinking so much about it.”

“Then don’t.” You bring your hands up to his face, softly wiping his tears before they spilled. “If it hurts you to think so much, then don’t.”

“And the consequences?”

You sigh. “There’s no point thinking about them. We waste half our lives thinking about consequences of actions we really want to do. We hurt ourselves thinking about it, and then we hurt ourselves again when we do it. Because if that’s what the heart wants, end of the day, that’s what we end up doing. We end up hurt no matter what Jimin and I’ve learnt these days that maybe it’s just better to let whatever come when it has to. Maybe it’s better to learn to deal with the pain in the end than hurting ourselves twice.”

Jimin takes a breath.

“No point you say?”

You shake your head, pushing his hair back softly.

“No point.”

“Okay then.”

He leans forward pressing a soft kiss on your lips, his hands sliding down your back, curving against your waist. Your eyes widen in surprise as you feel him against you and he whispers by your lips. “Please Y/n.....I don’t want to think tonight.”

Your heart hurts at the despair in his voice. What was going on with him? Why was he so pained? His forehead is against yours, his parted lips are still waiting for you - he needs your approval. He needs you.

Weaving your fingers into the curls of his hair you nod and he lets out the breath he has been holding, kissing you gently once more, pushing you back into the bed as he hovered over you, before drawing back to look into your eyes, sadness etched in them. Taking his face into your hands you leave a trail of kisses from on his forehead down to between his eyes to his nose, and then take his lips with yours, which Jimin audible reacts to. He continues it, pecking the corner of your lips and then across your jawline, down your neck, along your collar bones as your back arches up against him and his hands slide down your thighs.

Suddenly rising up, he grabs the material of his jumper at the back of his neck and pulls it over his head, tossing it over the headboard and in the bare illumination of the room you see something gleaming around his neck, something that makes your heart run fast. You reach up for it as lowers himself back on you, hands on either side of you, frowning as you fingers touch the cold metal of his wedding ring hanging like a pendent.

“It was a little loose, I couldn’t lose it.”

“All this time,” You look up at him remembering every moment you wondered why Jimin never wore his ring. “All this while you had it?”

He nods. “All this time”

As an overwhelmed emotion bubbles in you, you raise yourself to kiss him and he returns it, the passion in his act growing with every passing minute. You run your hands down his bare back as he hooks his hand behind your knees and pulls it up, closer to him, feeling the silky material your night shorts slide down, baring your skin to his fingers.

You push him off you, his back softly hitting the mattress, straddling him instead, and Jimin looks up at you, at the way your hair falls over your shoulder and the slight swelling of your lips because of him and his eyes turn darker. He pulls you closer to him, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“Why are you so beautiful?” He whispers, his breath hot against the skin of your neck, his hand reaching for the first button of your shirt, fumbling with it single-handedly, frowning as you pursed your lips, trying to stop a smile.

“I have a half mind to just rip this open.” He mutters under his breath, finally managing to undo one, moving down your body. You put your hand over his urgent ones, making him meet your eye.

“Just so you know, I’m not too fond of this shirt.” You whisper and he groans, taking less than half a minute to roughly snap the rest of them, exposing your dark blue bra and all the skin it did not cover as Jimin’s eyes trail down it agonizingly slowly as though he’s making a memory of every inch. You straighten, attempting to push the fabric off your shoulders but he doesn’t wait.

“Come here.” He pulls you down into the softness of the mattress, getting on top of you again with a kiss that took your breath away. He sits up, looking at you beneath him, at the way your silky shirt fanned around you letting him properly see everything and he looks at you in subtle awe.

“You really are beautiful Y/n”

And he’s littering kisses again. Down your neck, between your chest, in the dip of your belly button, making you shiver, your fingers tangling in his hair in a way that drew deep sounds from the back of his throat. Breaking away from you once more last time he gets onto his knees between your legs and looks at your worked up self, chest moving up and down way too obviously, as his hands running up your thighs slowing down as they reached the elastic of your shorts, hooking his fingers. You hold your breath waiting for him when you see the expression change slowly as though he realised something and then you see it flash in his eyes - guilt.

He wasn’t doing this because he needed you, he was doing this because he needed a distraction. This wasn’t right, he would only have regrets in the morning, this would only worsen your relationship, and right now, when things seem to be falling into place, you couldn’t have that happening. Before you can stop him though, you can see tears brim in his eyes as he shakes his head, shoulders drooping, his lips trembling. Worried, you quickly sit up as Jimin looks at you apologetically.

“Y/n I....I can’t....this.....this isn’t right, I can’t......I’m sorry....I’m so sorry....”

You nod your head understandingly, taking his face in your hands, your thumbs caressing his cheeks. “It’s okay, it’s alright.....don’t....” He breaks down miserably before you as you pull him closer to you and hug him, trying to calm him down.

“Jimin please don’t.....” He wraps his arms around you sobbing into your shoulder, as you pat his back softly waiting for him to calm down. Nothing stops him, nothing comforts him. Not the silence, not you, nothing. He continues to let out everything he had boxed up in himself until he feels you shiver slightly in his embrace. He pulls back immediately, wiping his nose with the back of his hand, “You’re cold,”

“I’m fine Jimin- hey.” You pointlessly wrap yourself with your unbuttoned shirt and wipe his tears away with your thumbs, pushing the hair falling into his face back. He leans towards you, reaching for his jumper behind you on the headboard and hands it without a word. You look at the thicker material take it and he looks away as you slide your shirt off your shoulders and pull his over your body quickly. When you reach out for him again, he swallows and moves back, refusing to let you touch him.

“No Y/n, I shouldn’t have.....oh god, you have your own things to worry about and look at me right now, making things harder for you and......”

“Hey Jimin no, don’t say that... just like you’ve been there for me, I’ll be there for you no matter what....”

He continues to shake his head though, “It’s selfish Y/n, it’s selfish of me to do this when you-”

You sigh. “No it’s not.” Taking his hand you lead him into the softness of the mattress, making him lie down. Reaching out for the covers by your feet, you pull them over him and lie down next to him, propped on your elbow, looking down at him. He pushes the duvet to cover you as well as you both look at each other, tucked under the sheets. “You didn’t want to think tonight right? So don’t. Just sleep Jimin, if you need me to be there in the morning, I will.”

Jimin nods slowly, as you put your arms around each other in the silence of the both your sorrows, letting the quietness slowly lull you to sleep.

The next morning you wake up before Jimin does.

It’s the knock on your door for your morning coffee that stirs you awake. Jimin is lying on his stomach, his arm still around you, head resting on your shoulder. You slowly push his hand away and he groans in his sleep, turning over. Sliding off the bed, you open the door to take your coffee and Jimin’s mother stands there with it.

“Mrs. Park!” You cover your mouth quickly realising you hadn’t brushed yet.

“Morning dear, sorry were you still sleeping? Thought I’d just check up on you once...”

You shake your head. “No, it’s fine I was going to wake up anyways....everything is fine Mrs. Park.....everything is okay.”

You don’t know if you are reassuring her or yourself.

“That’s good dear, I’m glad. Jimin’s father and I are having breakfast in the lawn in half an hour, it would be nice if you join.”

You nod quickly, taking the tray of coffee as she pats your cheek fondly and leaves.

It’s only when you close the door that you realised how this looked. You in Jimin’s clothes, Jimin sleeping shirtless in your bed. Great. Whatever questions Mrs. Park had about your relationship with Jimin were all probably cleared today....with the wrong answers.

Were they the wrong answers though? What was the answer to Jimin and your relationship? How had last night changed things for both of you? You look at him, still sleeping, with his arm sprawled across his stomach, lips slightly parted. Putting the blanket on him properly, you sit down at the edge of the bed, the night’s events playing in your head.

What were you thinking, letting him do that? Even if Jimin didn’t think about what all that could mean, why didn’t you? You knew very well, yet you let it happen. And it wasn’t because you wanted, but because he needed it. What you didn’t understand was why? Why was Jimin in pain? You thought it was just you, but the tears last night say something else. Why won’t he tell you?

You sigh getting up, walking into the bathroom. Like hundreds of unanswered things between you two, this was another.

When head down to the lawn to have breakfast and greet Jimin’s parents, he’s still not awake. As you eat with them with occasional conversation, you tell them about what you had been speculating over for a while now.

“Mr. Park I was thinking,” You swallow your toast. “I’d like to take responsibility for organizing my father’s wake.”

Mr. and Mrs. Park exchange worried looks before Mrs. Park held your hand across the table. “Y/n dear, it’s alright we can-”

“I barely did anything for him while he was alive.” You look at her pleadingly. “Atleast after he’s gone I want to do the things I’m responsible for. Maybe this way, even if its by a little, I can reduce my guilt.”

Mrs. Park is about to argue again but her husband cuts her off. “I understand Y/n, and if that’s what you really want, then go ahead, I won’t stop you. Just know that anytime you feel like you can’t or you don’t want to do it, you can always come back to me.”

You nod thankfully as you feel a hand on your shoulder, and instantly recognize Jimin’s presence behind you. He drops a kiss on your forehead before sitting down next to you, greeting his parents. Unlike his usual way of eating where he savoured every bite, today Jimin eats breakfast as fast as he can, gulping the juice as he stands up and fishes out for his car keys still munching the last of the tuna sandwiches.

“What’s the hurry honey? Calm down a little.” Even Mrs. Park notices him.

“Just....” Jimin swallows hurriedly. “Just got work to do, I need to be somewhere urgently.”

You frown because you don’t understand what work he has that just cannot wait.

“Jimin wh-” He cuts you off with a kiss and a soft smile that makes you want to forget everything. “I might get late, don’t wait up.”

And with that he waves and leaves, half running, half jogging across the green. Mr. and Mrs. Park shake their heads in annoyance but there’s only worry coursing through your body.

The rest of the day though, you don’t have time to think about Jimin at all.

You realise only after you took over that looking after the preparations, was no small task. From caterers to venue to guest list, everything needed to be arranged, it was like the Christmas party all over again. Except Jimin wasn’t by your side this time.

And you’re so busy the whole day, you don’t even know when the sun went down and how you missed lunch and that Jimin is still not back. He doesn’t join for dinner or after you freshen up and change into your night clothes, to sleep. He’s still not back. You look at the empty bed and it seems so cold and lonely without him that you can’t bring yourself to lie down there. So you sit at the table with your laptop but you’re barely working, eyes flickering between the door and the clock as the hour hand moves from 12 to 1 to 2 to 3 but the door isn’t moving and Jimin is still not back.

You don’t find out when he came back, but you know he did because you wake up in your bed, with creases in the space next to you as though he’s been sleeping there. It’s almost 11 when you are up and you nearly hit yourself for oversleeping because there’s so much work to do. When you reach the living room though, Jimin is already seeing the caterers out.

“Y/n, you’re up.” He walks towards you smiling. “Seems like you had a nice sleep.” He pushes the hair falling messily onto your face.

“Was that the caterers?”

“Yeah just finalized the menu, the quantity though can only be decided-’ He flips through the pages of the folder in his hand. “-once the guest list is properly finalized-”

“Why’re you doing this?” You’re very confused by his actions. The past two days had been so...weird. He disappeared whenever he wanted to, came back as and when he wished. He started whatever he wanted, and stopped whenever he wanted. Just when you’re beginning to think that maybe things weren’t so bad, maybe both of you would share the same space comfortably again, he began hiding from you again, not letting you reach out to him. And now suddenly he;s out here to help you again, being there for you like you thought he would be and it’s all too confusing.

“What do you mean?”

“Till a couple of hours ago you were barely around to see what was going on with me and suddenly you’re here to lessen my burden? Why?”

You take a step towards him and hold his hand to show you’re not mad, you’re worried with whatever is going on with him. “What is it Jimin that you aren’t able to tell me?”

Jimin softly plays with your fingers, looking at it. “Its nothing significantly important Y/n.”

“You’re telling me that all this while you’ve been this worried and busy about something insignificant?”

“Its...its not that straightforward. Let’s just say its some mess I had to clear up and I don’t need to drag you into it.” He lets your hand go as he stuffs his hand in his pocket. “It’s just something I have to do on my own.”

It hurts. It hurts that he’s the one cutting you off now. You thought he just needed his time to tell you. But he didn’t seem to want to let you in at all. After all you had been through together, and after thinking things were getting better, he’s putting distance between you both again.

You take a deep breath nodding firmly and not so harshly take the file from his hand. “And this is something I have to do on my own.”

And with that you walk away, not even looking back at Jimin once more.

The whole day though, despite you refusing his help, he’s around doing something or the other.

It makes you feel a little more eased on the inside to see him around, a little less tensed, smiling even sometimes until you notice that no matter what he’s doing, he doesn’t forget to look at his phone every other minute. You decide to ignore it. It’s better to ignore things we don’t want to see.

Its about an hour after lunch time that he finally approaches you, taking your phone and file from your hand, leading you away despite your protests and questions.

“You need to stop working so much. There’s something else you need to do before.”

Jimin stops the car nearly three hours after driving.

He drove for so long and so far you had no idea where you were. It seems like a cliff though because all you can see before you is a short stretch of land and then the endless sky. You get down from the car and look behind you to see a thick forest and a small path from where you came. On either sides of you is a plunging fall downwards where the ocean crashed onto the rocks.

It was nearly time for sunset and you had never seen the sky look more beautiful. The yellow ball of fire is mixed with hues of orange, merging with the sky, like juice-mix dissolving in a glass of water. The clouds were cotton-candy, as though they blushed at the warm touch of the sun. Silhouettes of birds flew home across a sky that was now magenta; and the sun was half into the water, but its reflection in the sea made it look complete. The mauve of the dusky sky intensified, and the biggest star was ready to set and give way to a thousand other.

“I happened to stumble upon this place years ago when I was out on a drive.” Jimin gets out too, switching off the engine as you walk forward, close to the tip of the cliff but not close enough. He stands protectively next to you. “It helped me forget who I was, where I was, what was needed of me, it helped me forget everything. And since then this is the place I come to when I don’t want to face reality anymore. There’s something so ethereal about how it looks so I thought it would be the best place to say goodbye.”

“Goodbye?” You frown at him. What was all this about?

Your heart is suddenly beating at twice the speed, two times as loud as Jimin walks back to the car and goes behind opening the boot. Suddenly you are scared. Terrified of whatever this was. Say goodbye to each other? Was that what all this was about? Your fists are balled, held tightly in fear, anticipation and so much more. But when he returns what’s in Jimin’s hand worries you even more.

“Your father wanted his ashes scattered in nature. I couldn’t think of a better place than this.” He holds out the urn which holds the last of your father but you don’t react, you don’t move forward to take it, fists still tightly held till blood is starting to leak where your nails dig into your skin. “I’m sorry if it’s not what you would have gone for-”

“It’s better than what I would have imagined.” The words slip out of you because you don’t want Jimin blaming himself for anything. You don’t want him to feel hurt by his decision but you still haven’t made yours. You still haven’t thought whether you wanted to do this “But Jimin....I don’t think I’m ready to let go so soon.”

“He wouldn’t want you to hold on.” Jimin tries to make you see something you already know. You are just pretending you not to, hoping it would mean not facing reality.

“I know.”

“If this was what he wanted, he deserves to get it. it’s our responsibility to give it to him.”

“I know.” You know everything. But yet it’s so hard to do.

Jimin reaches for your hand and brings it up, placing the urn in your arms.

“This is your last chance to say something you want Y/n. Tell him everything you wanted to. Set him free. Set yourself free.” You look at him desperately but you know he’s right. Your father would have wanted this. “I’ll wait in the car if you don’t want me -”

You hold him by your free hand as he turns to leave. “Stay.”

Jimin looks uncertain but when you don’t let go, he stands next to you, lacing his fingers between yours, interlocking your hands.

You place the urn in front of you on the grass and take a deep breath not knowing where to start, there’s so much to say. So you shut your eyes and picture him, his smiling face instantly appearing in your head.

“You know what I loved most about you papa? This might sound stupid but it was your eyes. Those beautiful hazel eyes that captivated me so much.” You open your eyes looking at the sky, speaking to the wind.

“There was something about them that I loved staring at ever since I was a child. Not something actually, there were a lot of things. I loved the little twinkle in them when you looked at mom, or the fondness I saw when you looked at me. I admired how you could keep them open despite hours of working so hard. I was scared of how they almost turned red when you scolded me but that fear used to be gone the moment tears filled in your eyes looking at mine. I loved how they crinkled at the sides when you laughed, how a furrow formed between them when you concentrated trying to help me get my math right. I loved everything about them except one. I hate that they are no longer before me. I hate that I didn’t take the chances I had to see them again. I love them so much that I hate that they’re shut forever now.” Jimin squeezes your hand softly as your voice gets stuck in your throat. You look at him to see him encouraging you to go on with a small nod.

“Do you remember how jealous you were of Jimin papa? That I would tell him all my secrets but not you? That I used to play with him in the evening and not with you? I remember the 8 year old me standing on the coffee table to match you height and promising you that from that day on I would tell you everything. I remember first coming home and sitting on your lap beside that fireplace and narrating the whole days events and you used to listen so bemusedly. You believed me when I told you a lion almost ate me in school, when I told you I saw dragon eggs hatch, when I told you a fairy godmother visited me every night. I wish it were all those stupid stories were all true, I wish I could ask this fairy godmother to give me one last chance to see life in your eyes again.” Tears are fully rushing down your cheeks by now. No more hiding. You are done holding them back.

“I’m sorry I never took every minute of my life to appreciate you, I’m sorry there were days that I spoiled, moments I ruined. I’m sorry for not being there when you wanted me to. I’m sorry I was so selfish. I’m sorry for everything. But there are so many things I have to thank you for. For giving me everything I wanted, for trying to make me happy when I lost those stupid competitions, for supporting me and all my dreams when no one else did, when I myself gave up. Thank you for being the best dad in the world, the best husband the world could give my mother, the best friend I could ever ask. I’ll miss you papa. I’ll miss your coffee and corny jokes and your company. I’ll miss coming home to see you sleeping on that armchair by the fireplace. I’ll miss you every time I see a flower because you taught me how to look at beautiful things the right way. I’ll miss our little arguments and the slamming of the doors. I’ll miss that aching feeling I used to have when we didn’t talk to each other, when we were silent. I’ll miss anything and everything that I see you in.” You wipe your nose with the back of your hand.

“But every time I think of you I’ll hope you are in a better place. I’ll hope you’re finally with your best friend, the woman you love and pined for so much. And when we meet one day in afterlife, I want you to know that I’ve just been waiting to embrace you once more and meet those beautiful hazel eyes that inspired me so much. I love you papa. I always will”

Your chest feels so much lighter all of a sudden. It’s an alleviated feeling, something that was much required after months and months of being suffocated.

“That was beyond beautiful.” You look at Jimin to see him looking at you intently, eyes glassy.

“It was all true.”

“Would you mind if I say something to him?”

It surprises you a little but you shake your head.

“Mr. Y/L/N....’ Jimin speaks, still thinking. “I remember quite some years ago, there was an article in the magazine about you. About your success and the business you and your wife started from scratch, where the interviewer called you a great man, an important asset of the society. When my father proudly showed it to you, you laughed and said it didn’t matter to you. The only person you wanted to hear it from was your daughter. You wanted her to be proud of her father, to see you as her hero, as her inspiration. And now that you’ve heard all she has to say to you, I think you must be happy where ever you are. There are so many achievements that can prove you were a great businessman, so many people who can prove you were a great friend. But I think this one daughter of yours is enough to show you are a good person. The way you she loves you shows the way you bought her up, the person she is because of you - fearless, loyal, passionate, hardworking - they all show what a good person you are. And I know she was your biggest happiness and your biggest worry. I know till the end you only thought about her happiness so today,”

He places your interlocked hands over the dull thud of his heartbeat. “I promise you she will always have me by her side. She will always have a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold if she’s falling, a pair of eyes to look out for her, a pair of ears to hear everything she has to say. She will always have me by her side and even now when she is drowning herself in an ocean of guilt, I will try to be her life preserver. And when we meet one day in afterlife, I think we can thank each other for taking care of the woman who was most important to us both.”

Jimin turns towards you and you swallow the intense desire to throw yourself into his arms. Because that would be such an ordinary way to thank him. You don’t know how else to do it though, anything you do cannot describe what you were feeling.

“Thank you Jimin. That was......No one could have said anything nicer.”

He smiles, but it slowly fades, being replaced by worry as he lets your hand go.

“There’s something else Y/n....” Jimin takes a step back, then two.

“What is it?”

He turns and walks back to the car, bringing out another small urn from the boot. “There’s someone else who also needs to be sent off too.” He walks till he stands next to you, the black ceramic gleaming in his hand. “Someone who is still waiting for you.”

Your breath feels like its lost its purpose. “Is it him?” You take a step back, shaking your head in disbelief. “I didn’t think....I thought...”

“I couldn’t have done it without you Y/n.” Jimin confesses looking at the urn in his hands as he placed it next to your father’s on the ground.

“But I can’t....I can’t Jimin.”

“We have to Y/n. We should send off Hoseok hyung as well.”

97 notes · View notes

greyias · 5 years

Note

Hello, you have been identified as An Awesome Writer™! Congrats, you rock! So that all of your readers can shower you with some extra love today, please tell us your favourite five (or as many as you want) stories of yours and why you like them and then send this to another five fic authors you think deserve this title! ❤

Aww, Nonny! Thank you so much! You are way too kind! ♥♥♥ I always get a little self-conscious talking about my stuff, but I’ll give it my best shot! I’ll probably just limit this to SWTOR fics, since that’s what I’ve been writing for the past… wow! Almost two years now!

By Guidance of the Stars - My Fic O’ Doom (or at least part of it) that’s been in progress for almost two years. I had started working on this on my Christmas break back in 2016 to help me get in the mindset for what I thought was going to be an epic timeskip fic, and it (and the other parts of this story that now have been split up) wound up forming the foundation for most of my SWTOR fic. And like the Energizer Bunny, it keeps going… and going… (although it should be finished very soon! 🤞)

Dance with the Devil - The tiny self-indulgent piece of h/c that somehow spiraled into a 20K+ word angstfest. I think this is probably still one of my favorites because it both plays on a lot of my favorite tropes (I am apparently very fond of unreliable narrators tripping on high fevers), and simultaneously digs deeper into Theron and Grey’s characterization (individually and as a couple), while also in a way pitting them against each other, as their mutual devotion and self-sacrificing natures bring about both conflict, fluff, as well as the final resolution.

Unsent Correspondence - I wound up stalling out on my full/long timeskip fic because writing a sprawling five-year epic documenting the struggles of Theron Shan hinted at in canon was a bit… daunting. But after thinking about it a bit, I was able to come up with a way to condense down a large portion of what I had wanted to write into a series of letters (plus epilogue) based on a snippet of text in-game. I really liked how this one turned out, and I think it managed to accomplish most of what I had been wanting to explore with the original idea.

Anniversary Gifts - What started out as a semi-crackfic response to an ask morphed into a sugary piece of fluff that is ridiculously sweet and saccharine. Because that’s apparently how my adorkable idiots roll. Also for some bizarre reason I had started writing it inside of the Tumblr ask window, and then kept saving drafts over the course of the day I wrote it, risking calamity every five minutes because Tumblr is not exactly the most stable website.

In the Serpent’s Den - Much shorter than the others on this list, a very broody and introspective piece from Theron’s POV while he’s undercover with the Order of Zildrog. Of all the fic I wrote while our prolonged agony (aka Fractured Alliances) was going on, I think this one slots into canon the neatest, which always makes me happy. Although I think I may have broken half of Tumblr with the angst on this one. (Oops).

#thank you nonny!#♥#what a wonderful little ask to receive #i really had to dither on the fifth one #it was between that and the one where they were tracing constellations on each other #although the post-nathema elopement fic was up there as well

11 notes · View notes

lululawrence · 6 years

Photo

lululawrence’s May 2018 Fic List

Click here for previous months’ fic lists

And we’re back for another month of reading! I didn’t do a lot of writing this month, but I read a LOT so this list is long! So buckle up, and let’s look back on the amazing fics I read this month! (There’s a lot of Tomlinshaw, but I promise there’s Larry too! Keep reading and don’t give up on me pls hehe)

but tonight (you’re on my mind) by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 There’s a lot of Tomlinshaw on this list this month because I was wanting some awesome banter and high angst due to lack of communication and who does that better than Tomlinshaw? ANYWAY, this fic was almost too much for me hahahaha! Anitra has a way of writing that makes you feel every bit of pain and the anticipation building up to where I knew it was going was killing me, but DAMN was the resolution of it all amazing! If Tomlinshaw is your thing, defo give this one a try.

Know You Know You Got It Bad by @taggiecb / taggiecb This one had me cackling but also horrified at the amount of WOW THAT TOTALLY CAME OUT WRONG and misunderstandings, and that is exactly what made this such a fantastic ride. Another fab Tomlinshaw to read, should that be your thing!

Do You Smile To Tempt A Lover by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 A MUSEUM AU WHERE NICK PAYS HOMAGE TO PAINTINGS OF MAGGIE SMITH AND JUDI DENCH AFTER OGGLING LOUIS? Yes please. Featuring matchmaker Zayn. AND Louis secretly writes erotica during his lunch breaks? This fic is sooooo fun. A defo Tomlinshaw read.

A Royal Wedding by @reminiscingintherain / reminiscingintherain This short ditty is SO CUTE!!! A short and sweet Larry meet-cute surrounding the royal wedding. It is the best little fic snack to leave you feeling good!

We Used To Wait by @magicalrocketships / sunsetmog I read this as I was on my period and started it around 1 am. Both of these life decisions I do not recommend, because I ended up just shoving a tissue between my face and my pillow so I could keep reading without creating a puddle on my pillow as Nick freaked out in the hospital over Louis possibly not surviving. All the same, the fact I kept reading despite all of this should be one of the highest recommendations. This fic destroyed me and put me back together again in all of the best ways. A Tomlinshaw must read.

Somebody Hurt You (I Know A Place) by @writsgrimmyblog / writcraft I...well looking back on this I thought this fic was a lot shorter than it actually is because I devoured it so fast and it reads so well I had no idea it was 20k. ha! So, that being said: Tomlinshaw featuring amnesia. There’s a few of these coming because I NEEDED IT sorry not sorry. The structure of the fic was beautiful too!

loose lips sink ship all the damn time (not this time) by @mediawhorefics / MediaWhore THIS FIC OMGOSHHHHHHHH I loved it. Gosh I loved it. Secret relationship AGAIN, forced outing, exes to lovers, ALL THE EMOTIONS! The way Nick was written too just had me in LOVE. Sigh. Another fab Tomlinshaw with some incredible structuring that allows you to watch the relationship begin and fall apart all while seeing them come back together again. (I promise, there’s more Larry coming, please don’t give up on me lol)

The Disgruntled Novelist's Bodacious Pornographer (or, that time Nick and Louis were rival romance writers) by aliferuined This fic had me laughing so hard on my porch while my son played with bubbles he actually climbed on my lap to see if I was watching a funny video. I was crying and wheezing. This was just... the most hilarious. Tomlinshaw, again hehe

wait for me to come home by carissima TOMLINSHAW TIME TRAVEL!!! And it’s done in such a beautiful way! It completely satisfies all desires for knowing what happens where and I just LOVE it!

Once every day your life starts again by blackmustache This fic also features Tomlinshaw amnesia (see a theme for me? lol) and soccer aid and secret relationships and Jay helping them find each other again, which is lovely!

Nobody compares to you by @headband-husbands / fallenflowercrowns (meggiewrites) Larry returns! haha It’s all Larry from here on out on the list, promise :) Tumblr AU! Canon Compliant! Best Friends to Lovers! What more could you want in a fic? I honestly don’t know, which obviously means I loved this one lolll

Seeing Blind by @sugarbabyomega / zedi BLIND ALPHA LOUIS, SAUCY OMEGA HARRY! Gosh this fic just. WOW. It flips between POVs and gives such a full and lovely feel for the entire thing. Involving surprise early heats! No Strings Attached hook ups that turn into Feelings! What could go wrong?? hehehe A new favorite A/B/O for me!

Stay Close, Hold Steady by @jaerie / jaerie THIS FIC FAM! It is one of my fic babies that I didn’t write. hahaha My random ramblings to Jenna as I drove in the car back in March might have helped form this amazing fic and I love it so much. “Brothers” A/B/O Larry fic involving finding your lost family, gender presentation, and so much more. Read while listening to The Tide. It’s a good choice. Promise.

Among Friends by @theficwritersblock / secretswekeepxx This fic, y’all. I’d never seen the film it was based on, so I was a bit wary going into it but IT WAS SO GOOD! SOOOO GOOOOOD! Be prepared for the pain, the ridiculousness, stupid boys, and love conquering all. Duh.

And I Will Steady Your Hand by @icanhazzalou / kiwikero Another great A/B/O fic! Keri pulls out all the stops with late presentation support group amazingness and the changes and confusion/frustration that come with them, especially at a time of life where it feels like EVERYTHING is changing. It’s such a great fic. Defo read it.

All That You Are by @iamasphodelknox / asphodelknox Y’ALL. This fic. It’s historical fiction at it’s finest. WWII soldier OT5 and Shawn friendship and period typical homophobia and dreams and relying on each other and love and I keep talking and it’s just not enough. All the love for this fic. It is art and beauty and wow. Defo read it.

Getting Naked on Camera (NOT CLICKBAIT) by @velvetnoodle / velvetnoodle (goldfishsunglasses) This little thing had me giggling. A great, light little fic to help you smile on a hard day!

Bijou by @fullonlarrie / FullOnLarrie Lauren did such amazing things with this! Micropenises. Who knew? I didn’t until now, but I can’t wait for the other fics that will eventually be a part of this!

my favourite colour is you by @velvetnoodle / velvetnoodle (goldfishsunglasses) SO CUTE. MUCH CUTE. ALL THE CUTE. It’s so soft and lovely and a happy place to escape.

Slow Hands (Slow Days) by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry This fic, y’all. Farmer Harry, Vet Louis. Softness. Country living. Good friends. It feels so lovely and yet I couldn’t stop giggling at the slow hands aspect of it. haha Defo recommend reading this to understand what slow hands has to do with any of this.

Your Shadow Running Round by @harrystanslouis / harrystanslouis This fic is lovely! So lovely! Stupid boys who made stupid decisions and have to fix things are a soft spot for me, and that is definitely featured in this fic.

Run With Your Mind by @larryandgaystuff / larryandgaystuff (cnd8544) Another great story with such a great connection to the song it was written for! Full of stupid boys with feelings they aren’t talking about even though they really should. Maybe that was this month’s theme. Next month’s should be communication. HAH!

Took Me by Surprise by @becomeawendybird / QuickedWeen This is a fic that Molly teased me with the idea for AGES ago and when it finally came to fruition I was not disappointed! Such an amazing read and a fic all around! The kid aspect was so believable and wonderful and just a lovely added bonus to the entire thing.

All My Friends Are Here by abrighteryellow This was the cutest fic! Pub quiz hosted by Harry becomes more than just a little appealing to Louis, despite the fact he doesn’t want it to be. A short little meet-cute to make you smile!

Mars Needs Irishmen by @fakedeepplantjerker / kassio Listen. This is a fic where the relationship tagged is Niall and Space. It’s got a great narrative structure and the story is so lovely! I really enjoyed it. So fulfilling and a great read!

maybe by @gaycousinlarry / momentofclarity This story!!! Two little nerdy boys who don’t think they have a chance with the other falling for each other anyway? Yes please. A beautifully fulfiling story considering how few words there are!

Beat the Odds Together by @ireallysawanangel / crimsontheory Cute! That’s all I can really say. It was so cute! A short little thing with surprising amounts of emotion packed in.

walk down our aisles first by @jumperlouis / musketrois (B_kate) THIS. WAS. SO. SWEET. I keep saying that, but these short fics for the short fic fest gave me life when I was dealing with stress from my mom’s big open heart surgery and the aftermath of that. This was was particularly lovely as a meet cute with a slight twist to it that I really enjoyed.

Redwood Seedlings Prefer Full Sunlight by @polkadotsvstripes / polka_stripes Girl!Direction short fic featuring a meet-cute! I really enjoyed this one too. A fun quick read that also makes you hope they make it work hehe

Sea of Love by @kinglouisxxviii / theweightofmywords Mermaids and Princes! What more could you ask for?

If Anyone Knew by @marastarfar / StarFar Listen. This was one of the first A/B/O fics I ever read, and it was a WIP. A WIP I thought had been abandoned but then the amazing Mara almost made me cry by completing it! This fic is so great. Please be warned though, there are a LOT of triggers and it very much is a dark!fic in many ways, so be cautious before jumping in. Worth it if you can handle it, though! A great read, as StarFar’s stuff always is.

tell me what you need by @disgruntledkittenface / disgruntledkittenface This fic!!! I laughed hard enough to have my husband pause his movie and take out his headphones to ask me what in the world was going on lollll The pacing of this fic! It had me gasping and having to pause reading on numerous occasions so I could see clearly enough to keep reading. Definitely up there as one of the funniest fics I’ve ever read.

Not yet a breach, but an expansion by @kinglouisxxviii / theweightofmywords GOSH THIS FIC! Heartwrenching and beautiful and so powerful in so few words! How?!?! I have no idea. Gorgeous and an amazing twist on soulmates.

when i'm pipe and slippers and rocking chair by nightwideopen Whoops. I lied. Another Tomlinshaw. Whatcha gonna do? This was such a cute little thing, though. Such a fun little established relationship fic hehe

head over feet by @kinglouisxxviii / theweightofmywords This fic was so good I went yelling in my GCs until I could find someone who know the tumblr associated with this AO3 and then I immediately ran and began screaming at Caryn, okay? Please read it. Love yourself. Read this fic.

Wish You Were Here by @undersummerstars / alittlewicked SELKIE HARRYYYYYYY!!! I need all the selkie Harry fics. Amazing. This one absolutely did not disappoint. I loved it and it made me crave more.

Surrender to Seduction by @laynefaire / Layne Faire (HisDarlin) Layne’s tag “fast and loose with canon” had me giggling but those giggles stopped as I read this fic because the way she writes has such power and draw I was immediately in the story. A great read!

Until You Use Me Up by @fullonlarrie / FullOnLarrie OKAY LISTEN. Before I knew this was Lauren’s I read it and was just like FANNING MYSELF. It was so hot and so well done and amazing. It was just...amazing.

AND THAT, in reverse chronological order (because apparently that’s how I roll today), is a list of the fics I read and loved this month! Thank you to all of the amazing writers who shared your amazing works with us! You provided me with so much help in difficult days and entertainment.

Please spread love to the fandom writers and leave them comments and kudos on their fics! I’ll be back next month with what will likely be a much shorter list lollll

#mine #my fic rec #fic rec #fic writer appreciation #28th appreciation #fic list #may 2018 fic list

153 notes · View notes

letsimportanttreecollection-blog · 6 years

Text

progressive rv insurance online quote

"progressive rv insurance online quote

progressive rv insurance online quote

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr