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thebomb-thebird-andtheburntbitch · 5 months

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w.count: 2.4k (whoops. it got away from me)

chengsheng picks favorties, and she's not secretive about it. she's also not secretive about the fact that when you're around, it isn't baizhu either.

living in liyue for as long as you have should've meant your body was used to traversing the constant air influxes of going up and down mountains and large rock formations by now. however, contrary to what you believe to be the case, your body simply did not listen. really, it didn't listen to anything you want it to do.

it was always something. lightheadedness, severe headaches, congestion that made your eyes ache, stiff and swollen joints and muscles, small scrapes and bruises from whatever tumble you may have taken. anything that could happen always seemed to be the case with you when you walked through the door to bubu pharmacy.

it took no time at all for herbalist gui to learn your face and name. even qiqi could remember your face with her poor memory. with your regular visits, gui first suspected you were faking your aliments. of course, you could easily see how he could come to such an accusation. even you thought once or twice that you were just overthinking things, that it wasn't bad... until it was, and your conditions worsen with no kind of treatment at all.

the first time you met baizhu, you were standing rather unamused- and slightly zoned out- from yet another lecture from gui on how you need to be more careful or else you'll make the pharmacy run out of stock. he should be glad that business is practically booming with you around. instead, he was laying it on thick today... not that you were paying much attention.

"ah, so this is who the mysterious person qiqi claims needs herbs so frequently is."

you don't think you'll ever be able to forget how amused he sounded from behind you. or the look on gui's face as his boss interrupts his rambling that definitely could look like berating to anyone who wasn't used to seeing him interact with your near-daily medicine runs. you should've had a kamera on hand for such an expression.

you'll never forget exactly how awed you were to see the owner of such a renowned pharmacy for the first time either. a part of you was almost skeptical of how young he was, but then again age never equated to intelligence anyway, so that thoughtless nonsense was easily tossed out of your mind.

"yes, i guess that would be me," you sheepishly told him. "my apologies for the... neediness? for lack of better words."

"not at all. what is medicine good for if not to treat someone? it's actually quite relieving to finally put a face with a name."

"qiqi sspeakss of them sso often i almosst asssumed they were another one of her missunderstandingss." the secondary voice that no doubt came from the white snake around the doctor's neck shocked you for a moment. blinking as if taking in the absurdity of it, you easily accepted that the snake could talk.

this was teyvat where people could be born hybrids, having psychical traits of of species of being. not to mention liyue, where you knew of at least two adeptus running around the harbor. this shouldn't come as much of a shock.

"sorry about that too," the silent- i think?- you refused to tack on to the end of your sentence was left unspoken but clearly seen in your eyes. was that something to apologize for? in truth, the whole situation felt quite awkward so all you could do was talk to fill the silence. the silence that wasn't very silent anyway.

you had since stepped off to the side so gui could talk to another patron coming to pick up their prescription with the babble of the city just outside. if you didn't feel it would be rude, you would've just left and called it a day- even if you hadn't actually gotten your needed medicine from the herbalist at the desk yet. he had been too busy nagging you to hand it over before baizhu's sudden appearance.

luckily for you, baizhu was also intelligent enough he could read a room.

"please wait here. i'll go and fetch whatever medicine you need today." you make a small noise of acknowledgment before offering a small okay as he walks behind the counter and takes a paper from gui that probably had recommended herbs and salves scribbled on it for your treatment.

feeling like you just fumbled the first interaction with the pharmacy's owner, you sighed and pushed a finger to your temples before going outside. leaning yourself on the railing just outside the building, you bore yourself into counting the steps leading up to it. always getting a different answer each time since there were so many. you were so invested in your stair counting that when baizhu reappears in your peripherals with a small drawstring pouch of presumed herbs, you feel yourself flinch.

"i didn't mean to startle you," he chuckles as you gently take the pouch from him, using your other hand to dig around for the mora you know you now owe.

"it's fine. i was too engrossed in counting."

"counting?"

"the stairs."

"did you come to a final count?" he entertains.

"not even close," you say as you place the correct amount of shiny mora into his palm while watching chengsheng readjust herself by slithering once around his shoulders.

after that day, baizhu was around more often when you would stop by. your semi-normal medical pick-ups soon extend into medical treatment personally offered by baizhu in the pharmacy's back room, along with prolonged conversations to fill the free time he could offer. it was during these conversations that chengsheng decided that among the humans living in liyue, you were her favorite.

she preferred you over others so much that when you would come by the pharmacy, she would immediately demand to coil around you instead of her normal seat upon baizhu's shoulders. she would only keep to baizhu when you were around if his chi levels were running wild and she was confined to her job of maintaining them.

today was no exception to her favoritism.

you had once again shown up to bubu pharmacy, but this time not for whatever ails you, but for your annual checkup. you never used to bother with them, but shockingly enough gui had lectured you one year about it- so, to save yourself the ear strain it would be best to just get it over with.

walking up the outrageously long stairs to the pharmacy entrance, you sigh and rub your neck with a rather lackluster greeting to the open space of the front desk.

"okay gui, i'm here." you almost sigh, like keeping track with your health was such an inconvenience. dropping your arm and raising your view, you see all three of the bubu population together- which was almost rare considering they all have their own agendas to deal with near daily. "wow," you start with a smile at seeing them all, "it's like a party in here."

gui shakes his head at your lame attempt at what he assumes is a joke while qiqi abandons her post to waltz up to your side and grab the fabric that hung around your waist; a habit she's developed since you've been around more often. you're not sure why she does it, maybe it makes her feel secure or something, you weren't sure. you don't mind it regardless. you always accept her small act of presumed affection with your palm resting on her talisman tagged hat and small greeting.

baizhu blithely crosses his arms over his chest at seeing how attached qiqi has become of you. he has the hunch that even outside of the pharmacy you were pretty well-known because you were someone easily likeable, but to capture the attention of his little qiqi? color him impressed. still, he was pleased you had formed a connection with her and gui. even baizhu himself found himself enjoying your company more than he did before. each time was better than the last.

"it's lovely to see you again," the owner speaks as he uncrosses his arms into a more relaxed manner of stance. "gui informed me that you can be rather stubborn when it comes to these kinds of matters. I was worried i'd have to go and find you myself."

"i don't think you would have to go that far. even if i didn't show up today, i would've been back eventually. then you could've tied me up and thrown me into a forced state of compliance."

"that wouldn't be very hospitable of a doctor, i'm afraid."

a small tug on your hip directs your attention downwards as qiqi looks up at you.

"doctor baizhu will be taking care of you today," she says slowly, almost lethargically. you blink a few times in confusion for a moment before nodding to her.

"really now? what an a honor." it wasn't often baizhu did things like this, such common checkups were handled mostly by gui. you wonder if chengsheng kicked up some sort of fuss about it? 'nevermind,' you shake your head and internalize your thoughts, 'it doesn't matter.'

"best not to waste much more time," baizhu says, rounding the counter and coming up to your side before replacing your hand with his own on qiqi's head. "run along now, qiqi." she's quick to obey and gui returns to whatever it is he does all day long. you're ushered out and soon back to the room you've been in thousands of times before.

just like normal, you sat yourself down in one of the two stools baizhu keeps at his desk. just like normal, baizhu offers you tea for your time and just like normal you accept. just like normal, he walks back and forth along the many shelves of herbs and equipment for what he needs for the day's work. and just like normal, chengsheng is slithering down baizhu's outstretched arm, onto the desk and then quickly up yours as you offer it to her.

"aw, i've missed you too chengsheng," you coo. she always hisses when you treat her like a common snake, but it wasn't like she was going to do anything about it. another perk of being the favorite.

"it'ss just nicce to not be coiled around a man who smellss like grasss all the time," she plays off as she coils comfortably around your shoulders and even curling up your head to pass through your hair. most definitely forming knots in her wake.

as baizhu comes back to your side, you watch as he places his required items down.

"it never gets easier," you say.

"and what exactly are you talking about?"

"how... empty you look without chengsheng."

baizhu chuckles.

"yes, well, it feels as empty as it looks." he looks at the pearl white snake around you, clearly nuzzling into you more than him, and he smiles warmly at it. "she looks much better wrapped around you, than me."

"uh-huh," you scoff, bringing your palm up to cup her head and lightly nudging her away from your ear. she was making your skin tingle with her scales against the small sensitive limb. "i totally believe you."

"i've never spoken a word of a lie to you."

you always applaud yourself for not absolutely losing your cool for the things that could come out of baizhu's mouth. the way he can easily say things that were well past embarrassing without so much as blinking was almost awe-inspiring. if you didn't know any better, you'd think sometimes he was flirting with you- but it was baizhu and he was always kind and polite to anyone. that was just who he was.

your checkup runs smoothly and even though nothing can fix your accident-prone lifestyle, you were still healthy and ready to take on more scraps and falls.

now, the hardest part of every pharmacy visit was about to commence. convincing chengsheng to return to her contractor without much fuss.

"chengsheng," you nervously say her name with a slight shake in your voice. she was always a sassy snake, but when she didn't get to indulge in what she wanted, which was simply snuggly laying around your shoulders for just a while longer... she could be a handful. "you know you can't leave with me."

she meets you nowhere with silence- not even attempting to meet you halfway somewhere. nope, she's leaving you high and dry. baizhu watches with half amused eyes, a hand on his hip and the other reached out to brush against her scales.

"what if i walked our dear y/n home? would you willingly part with them then?"

"what?" baizhu had never walked you home before, you always insisted he not since he was a busy man, and it wasn't like you couldn't take care of yourself. this opportunity easily hooked the snake's attention as she lifted her previously curled head and looked at her contractor- you know, the man she was supposed to be unwaveringly loyal to.

"do we have a deal?" he chided, knowing that eventually she was going to let you go one way or the other. whether it be now by him prying her off you physically or walking you home and having her come back willingly. her forked tongue flicked out before coiling one full rotation around your neck and up your head, so her reptilian 'chin' sat on your crown.

"if i must," which was chengsheng for 'yes, we do'.

so, with you and chengsheng waiting at the top of the stone stairs, baizhu popped inside to inform gui and qiqi he would be stepping out for a bit. qiqi had peaked around the open front and waved goodbye to you, which you returned happily before baizhu came to your side. his hand came to hover at your back, so close you could almost feel his palm but never actually touching, and offered you start taking steps ahead of him.

back from inside the pharmcy at the desk, qiqi walked back to gui's side as they both watched their boss walk off with you.

"qiqi likes when y/n is around," she speaks monotonously- but she meant it.

"yeah," gui agrees, watching both your heads disappear further down the stairs with chengsheng still clinging to you. "you aren't the only one," he chuckles.

chengsheng picks favorties, and she's not secretive about it. her contractor, however- even if he thinks he's being slick about it- cannot hide that he does too.

and wouldn't you believe it? all evidence always leads back to you.

#genshin impact #baizhu x reader #baizhu fluff #baizhu genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #baizhu x y/n #baizhu x you #genshin impact baizhu #baizhu headcanons #baizhu drabble #baizhu fic

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mousedetective · 4 months

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Please Help A Homeless Family Pay Bills & Stay Housed?

PAYPAL | AMAZON WISHLIST | KOFI | GOFUNDME

VENMO: @penaltywaltz | CASHAPP: $afteriwake23 | ZELLE: DM me for email address

02/09/24 - New Post!

So good news! My glasses arrived, and they are amazing, and I am in love with both the regular glasses and the sunglasses. They didn't come with hard cases, but! Walmart Optometry was having a 75% off sale on hard cases so I picked up two for me, two for the glasses I plan on getting my daughter as soon as we get her an updated prescription and one for my mom's reading glasses for $14. I may go back and get the Pride cleaning cloths for Lena since she got rainbow and Pride cases. They're going to be, like, $2.

I also got denture supplies for my mom since she said it looks like she'll get her full and partial dentures when her teeth are pulled on the 26th, so she has the stuff on hand to clean them and to keep them secure so food particles don't get stuck underneath.

I would love to come up with $225 to get Lena an eye exam and the glasses she wants from Zeeolol (I have a 25% coupon to use with it...the exam will be $60 - $80 at Walmart, though). One is bisexual pride flag colors, the other is trans pride flag colors, and her current glasses are pre-quarantine, so she needs a new scrip badly. A friend may be able to help me with this later in the month, but if I can get the exam done this week that would be fantastic.

I also need $150 to pay a bill that is overdue and a bill that is due today. The $400 tied up with the loan company plus anything over the $350 I'm trying to get now will go towards keeping the room until March 2nd. Please help and/or reblog if you can. Thank you!

$1044/$1600

(I just got a donation through GoFundMe while I was waiting to get on my laptop...I'll get the money in a few days and it will go to paying off another sorely overdue bill, plus laundry if I get it by Monday)

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 8 months

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Helping Hand 7

Warnings: non/dubcon, mentions of divorce, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: Jonathan Pine, 40s reader

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You sit in the sterile waiting room, slouched like a guilty dog as you stare at your scuffed work shoes and cradle your arm. It feels heavier by the moment, the tenderness only growing, and a regrettable crack sounds as you try to shift it. You grunt and teethe down on your pain. Jonathan looks at you but says nothing.

It feels surreal, sitting there beside him, waiting on a doctor. This isn't how you saw your day going. But when did anything in your life go to plan? Twenty years of marriage flushed away for a younger woman and a midlife crises. Working a job meant for college students in your forties. It's all going just so spectacularly.

Your name is called before you can sink any further into self-pity. You get up but Jonathan doesn't follow. You're happy for that at least. He at least is aware of some boundaries.

It's a small office with only a few doctors. You're put in the room to wait some more and when the physician enters, she introduces herself as Dr. Marguerite Garcia. You try to smile and return her basic niceties. It's hard to focus on anything but the agony. She checks your chart and verifies your history before asking questions about your injury.

She nods and sets down her clipboard. "Do you mind if I do some tests? I'll need to feel your shoulder and move your arm."

"Yeah, that's fine. I'm pretty sure it's just a pulled muscle," you explain.

"Sure, but we should make sure," she nears and you sit up.

She lifts your arm and you squeak. She moves it slowly at different angles, feeling around your shoulders and back, then along your neck. Your eyes fill with tears by the time she lets you put your arm down.

"It would appear like a torn rotator cuff. I could send you for imaging to be sure but I'm fairly certain," she grabs the chart again.

"Really? What does that mean?"

"We won't go straight to surgery. Right now, we'll start with the basics; rest, ice, and physical therapy. I will have some exercises printed out for you to do, along with a link where you can find videos. If you like, I can write a referral to a therapist." She continues as she scribbles with her pen, "I'll send you off with some painkillers as well. You seem like you need the relief."

"Oh, thank you," you smile.

"And I'll get you into a sling. Just for a few days to take some of the pressure off."

"A sling?"

"It shouldn't be too much and it'll be a reminder for you to not use that arm," she girds. "Let me just go get that script filled and I'll have the nurse come fit you."

"Sure," you accept as you look down. Great, a prescription, how much is that going to cost you? And you highly doubt they're giving the slings away for free. Just another expense, just another step backwards.

💙

You get the bottle of pills before the nurse sees you. You take one for good measure as the throbbing overwhelms every other sense. Finally with your arm confined and a pocket full of painkillers, you're free to leave the office.

As you come out into the waiting room, Jonathan stands at the counter. He tucks something into his jacket pocket as he faces you.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Um, I think I have to pay for--"

"Already done," he interjects, "better get you home so you can rest."

"You paid? You didn't have to--"

"Please, it is nothing," he waves you off, "come. I'm sure all you want to do is lay down."

He isn't wrong and you're all out of energy. You're not going to argue with another man that day. You're going to let the pills kick in and leave the world behind.

You let him lead you outside and he opens the car door for you. You're not sure it's any sort of gallant behaviour, rather practical as you are down to a single arm. You get in and awkwardly pull the seat belt across you.

He closes the door as you jam the buckle into place and sit back with a sigh. You shut your eyes. You just can't wait to be home. Alone.

You sense the shift of weight as he gets in on the driver's side. He starts the engine as you stifle a yawn behind your lips and open your eyes, a swimming wobbliness in your vision. The pills are hitting harder than you expected. Well, you hadn't eaten much, just coffee and maybe half a cracker.

"You alright?" He asks as the car rolls into motion and you open your eyes.

"Great," you grumble and let your eyelids droop as your head drifts towards the window. "Tired..."

You watch the buildings pass, other cars stopping and skimming by. You lose yourself in the lazy traffic and the dimming blueness of the sky. Your lashes sink further and further, until they meet, and that hot fuzziness coaxes them together. The pain in your shoulder dulls, barely tugging at your consciousness as it fades away.

#helping hand #jonathan pine #dark jonathan pine #dark!jonathan pine #jonathan pine x reader #drabble #au #bookstore au #the night manager

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a-friend-of-mara · 3 months

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Hey uh

I'm leaving my mask at the door for a minute

If you enjoy the image of myself I put forward, the happy cheery autistic trans girl who doesn't dwell on her issues

Please just ignore this post

If you are uncomfortable with mentions of self harm, talking about non prescription drug addiction, suicide rates of trans kids

Please just go

Look

I say my biggest fear is that I'll be forgotten

It's easier than saying that I'm scared to death of myself

I'm worried I'll give up on life and stop eating... considering I can't gain or maintain weight I'd have a week before I was dead at the most

I'm afraid that I'll give up trying to look like the person I want to be rather than being stuck, trapped in a body that isn't mine but I'm wired up to like some sick torture method

I don't want to fall into drug use or self harm hoping that it'd pull me out of this pit of self hatred and hopelessness

I don't wanna be another tally mark on the trans suicide charts

I don't wanna die

I feel like I'm suffocating

That I can't move my legs... only the ones attached to me

I don't even know if I matter at this point

I just

I wanna be me

Not some false image that I was born with

Nobody understands how it is for me

My dad almost killed me with th fact he understood so little he put me into survival mode where I cared about nothing but staying alive because of how much damage his insistence that my body was in fact his son and not the cage that trapped his daughter

He used to have twins now he just has one kid with her twin sister... my sister

Now I live with my mom who doesn't understand, how could she? She's never wanted to tear her skin off because it wasn't hers... she understands how much I hurt though

She's able to see through my mask that I'm really suffering inside

Without her yall wouldn't have ever known I existed

You would've heard a news article of a trans kid who killed herself by diving off the balcony at her school although the media would misgender me.

I've almost done it

Sitting on the edge of a lethal drop fighting with myself to not do it

Not sure if I was lying when i told myself things would get better

I'm not sure if they are

Everything just keeps getting worse and worse

I can't even cry anymore

I don't care about so many things that I used to

I used to love

Then I was heartbroken

I used to care for my friends

Until I moved away

I used to enjoy helping others

Now I'm so tired I can't

Just

Fuck

It's kinda funny

How part of me thinks it's all my fault

How I'm not sure if it's something I did

But then I have to think

What could I possibly have done that'd make this torment justified?

How can any higher power exist when I've prayed to every God and Goddess I've ever learned of and not once has a goddam thing happened

How would a higher power let the world get this fucked up

Fuckin hell

My trans siblings are getting murdered for being themselves

Innocent people who live in unfortunate places are being killed because of stupid ass reasons

Fucking hell in America most people aren't free enough to take a month off work without becoming homeless

Decades of prejudice make people think women are weak and need defending but don't pay them well because... fuckin I don't know why!

It's pathetic that men get away with rape while women get away with false rape accusations usually destroying every relationship the man ever cared about

People look at others and treat them differently based on the color of their skin

YA KNOW HOW FUCKIN STUPID THAT IS?!

ITS DUMBER THAN PICKING ON SOMEONE WHO WORE A BLUE SHIRT PURELY BECAUSE OF THE SHIRT

What for?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS FOR?!

The privilege to go through 12 to 20 years of school to earn the right to have to work a job I'll probably hate until I'm like 60?!

Right now I'm pretty sure my life is gonna end before I reach 30!

What's the fuckin point?!

America for fucks sake

The land of the free

Yeah free to work or die because the 0.01% run the fucking nation like their playground

People wonder why I've responded to hostility with hostility in the last 3 years

Simple

I've bottled my emotions for so long the bottles are all full

Yelling and ranting always make me feel a little better

If anyone comments on this negatively I hope you die in a vat of boiling vinegar and drown in the yolks of rotten eggs

That goes for all the phobic people too

If you made it through this whole essay sized emotional breakdown and don't think I'm a complaining winey bitch

I can only say I wish the world was made of more people like you

Alright

Time for sleep

#tw: depression #tw depressing stuff #tw self destructive behavior #trans #trans woman #me #depressing shit #trans struggles

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nashira · 2 years

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wake up babes hurri-kitten update

THEY ALL MADE IT OVER 200 GRAMS!!!

Last week, we rescued these newborn kittens from under a trailer just as the hurricane arrived, and a few hours later it started to flood by inches. It got really, really bad and ended up flooding several feet later on. Every animal was displaced (no birds, no geckos, no squirrels, no cats, NOTHING just wind and water). it's coming back to normal now, though!

Today, four out of five of these kitties have opened their eyes! We have "placeholder" names for them (because who can resist naming a kitten??) but since they haven't had a chance to show their personality yet, when they get older I'm gonna make a poll so folks can one in the hat to help name them!!!

Their first vet appointment is in November and they're going to be dewormed and neutered/spayed on schedule 💗💗💗

Thanks everyone so much for supporting us!!! last month, I had to pay $800 for my dog's emergency vet appointment as well as prescriptions she has to take every month now.

Normally, this would have been ok for me to swing, but I wasn't expecting a hurricane to hit us three weeks later😭😭 anyone who wants to help cover my pets' vet fees, I appreciate you so much!!! PP is [email protected] (link) CA (link) and VM (link)

the kittens are warm, fed, safe, happy, loved, and getting bigger every day. I'm also really excited to share that a furever home has been secured for one of the kittens!!!

(if you know anyone [in the vicinity of where Hurricane Ian hit] who would like a fixed three-month old kitten in January/Febuary, please DM me!!! I'll drive within reason!)

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queervegancryptid · 1 month

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I don't even know why I'm bothering to try to get better anymore.

I mean, really, it's hard enough to be in active anorexia relapse, when recovery is already hard to convince yourself to want. But when insurance makes it impossible to get care, it's like... before I started looking for help, I was starving. Now I feel like all I've done is add an extra layer of frustration, and if anything, the restricting has gotten worse, not better.

You start to feel like you might as well just keep starving and stop fighting it, because if your only alternative is to be starving AND throwing yourself against a brick wall trying to get treatment... I mean, am I wrong?

I don't want to die, but really, it starts to feel like I don't matter at all. If I don't matter at all, why should I bother trying to recover? Again? And it is the umpteenth fucking time. And it gets even more exhausting and scary every time it happens. For the first time, if things continue this way, I might be at risk for refeeding syndrome, and my stomach is healing from an ulcer, and I have an electrolyte imbalance, so purging could literally be deadly for me right now. (They wouldn't cover the prescription for the electrolyte imbalance, either, btw. Despite it being FUCKING DOCUMENTED BY REPEATED LABS.)

But UHC says I need to prove that treatment is "medically necessary." Fuck that. I can count on one hand the number of actual meals I've eaten in the last month, I agonize over every fucking bite, and my BMI is literally the lowest it's ever been. But maybe treatment isn't "medically necessary."

Fuck that. Anyway, I'm not giving up, just venting. But I'll say this: I am done with UHC. Fucking over it. They've been borderline useless to me aside from paying for prescriptions, but they also haven't been reliable there, either. And now that I actually need help urgently for a problem that COULD ACTUALLY KILL ME, their being damn near useless just became a liability.

Really, it's my fault for not severing ties with them a long time ago. Especially after they SWITCHED MY PLAN WITHOUT ANY NOTICE at the start of the year. They said they sent a letter, which I never received, and the member services page where I log in had a link about plan changes, but it had nothing about that. I feel like that's called fraud, but idk.

If I can come back from this, I'm going to find a way to help other people going through this bullshit with the US healthcare system. This is not okay.

Oh, and I spent the last several months watching my cat slowly die. My partner and I basically were doing kitty hospice at home since late December or early January. Snippet, our kitty, died of bladder cancer just over two weeks ago. It was fucking brutal. I didn't know anything could hurt that much.

The stress from that made me not feel like eating, which made me start to lose weight, and the whole situation was so thoroughly miserable, I couldn't stop myself from grabbing hold of that feeling, because it was the only thing that seemed to be going right. Right now, it's the only thing that makes me feel good about myself.

I don't even actually want to give it up for myself. I just hate to put my partner through it. I knew I was in trouble when I started thinking about weighing myself regularly again. "Just to see," my brain says.

Fuck all of this. Where did my life go?

#anorexia #anorexia relapse #insurance #medical #venting #nik speaks #like if u read #ask 2 tag

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aloy-sobek · 9 days

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My husband designs learning modules. He currently designs them for factory workers who make gas station pumps and the one he is working on is Drugs and Alcohol, which covers prescription meds.

I had the dawning realization on why so many men simply don't go get treated mentally or physical with blue collar work. Among the various other reasons, as a disabled person on many meds, so many of my medications have the side effects of dizziness and say to not handle heavy machinery while using.

While a migraine is equal as dangerous to have while using these things, the medication gets you laid off, or put on some kind of medical leave if the belief is temporary. But migraines are temporary, anxiety is a gamble, same with depression. So on so forth.

Now, I know in the long run, healing opens more opportunities for people, but that doesn't help the now. That certainly doesn't alleviate the current fears of the present. So these men remain stuck, sick, and in a state of I'll and provider.

What's worse is some people would prefer it that way. Some of their spouses would prefer they "remain vigilante" rather than heal just so the spouse does not feel discomfort or have to pick up the sudden shift in energy and responsibilities. Them quitting or loosing their manly paying job because of health and especially mental health reasons would be seen as weakness and a lack of an ability to provide.

When in reality a mentally well, healing or healed person can show up far better for themselves and their family. The difference is now the spouse, and other members of the family, will have to show up for them too.

Far too often I see spouses of these men, and other parts of their family, not wanting to show up. After all, their men. They are the providers.

#blue collar work #mental health #men positivity #if youre coming here to shit on men you can fuck right off

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slurpygunch · 5 months

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Y'know what? I'm pretty excited about 2024, in my personal life. A lot of good things to come.

For one, my birthday is just a few days away! I'll officially be turning 21, isn't that cool? I'm very likely not going to actually use that fact to buy much alcohol or weed or whatever, but I can finally go into 21+ businesses, y'know? My girlfriend has been old enough for a little under 2 years now, and she's really been looking forward to going to such places with me. It seems fun!

I've also got a video appointment right after my birthday, which might be the final appointment before I can officially start receiving a prescription for my ADHD! I really look forward to that. I took Adderall for it in the past, and it really went well, really calmed me down, made me... singular. Felt good to get things done and enjoy media in peace, without The Sludge getting in my way.

Having my ADHD under control will also make it easier for me to focus on pursuing more... meaningful things, like working on my little roleplay worldbuilding project, and starting to practice making digital art, and learning how to ride my bike. Stuff that I really do care about, that I really am excited for, but just haven't gotten around to doing, due to... the sludge.

April first, all fast food workers get an increase to their minimum wage, including me! It'll effectively be a 25% pay jump in my case, and that's pretty dang exciting. Even if my work reduces my hours a bit, it'll just mean making the same money and having more free time. Win-win, so long as I don't get laid off or something, which would really suck.

Some time during this year, my uncle that I live with will move out, and that'll be pretty momentous! I've been dealing with him for about... two years now? and I'm really looking forward to not spending another year being his roommate. It's a multifaceted issue, but the gist of the symptoms is that I can't really put effort into decorating the house I live in, or leave food or hygiene supplies out, because he'll rearrange things or use my stuff. Chronic issue, no solution has worked, just want him gone.

If I no longer live with him, my girlfriend of about 28 months can start staying with me for extended periods of time, and maybe even move in, ooh! That'd be so wonderful. We have so many things we can do when we live together, or at the very least spend a lot of our time together!

This year is also a major election year, the first one I'll be old enough to vote for, and that's not necessarily a good thing, but it could be! and regardless, it'll certainly be interesting.

Some good things are coming to my games, too! MC: Better Than Adventure gets a really cool update, Warframe gets cross-save permanently, and I'm betting Ultrakill's seventh layer will get its missing extras, which would be super majorly cool.

I'm excited for 2024. I'm really, genuinely optimistic that I can find a lot of good this year, and I intend to try.

Thanks especially to @sewahsworld for being with me in this journey, and @basicskellie for being such a good friend :)

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sitizelter · 1 year

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⭐️A Little More Space🌙

Dando/Landan Angst

[A singular swear word other than that its safe 👍][One of my first f1 fics so if there's any inaccuracies I apologise 🙏]

The faint noises from the TV were interrupted by a knock from Lando's hotel room door. It was the night after the Sao Paulo Grand Prix. Both McLaren drivers got DNF'ed. As expected; Zak Brown got upset, as well as the two drivers.

Lando put his bag of Ruffles' onto the bed and went over to answer the door. As he pulled open the door, a tall, bearded man revealed himself. To his surprise, Daniel was standing infront of him.

But he seemed off.

His plastered smile wasn't on his face. His eyes were red. Puffy. And underneath them, dark eyebags.

"Lando, Can I.. be with you.. for a bit," Daniel's voice was anything other than his usual voice in the paddock. It was the total opposite of confident, loud and enthusiastic. At that moment, his voice sounded shaky and quiet.

In a heartbeat, Lando invited him in and poured him a glass of water. The both of them sat on the bed with the blankets covering their shins.

"So, what's this all about mate?" Lando asked, giving the Aussie a pat on the thigh. Daniel swallowed before he spoke out.

"I just wanted to say.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for dragging the team down, dragging you down, making you carry the both of us-" Daniel's eyes became glossy as he spoke.

"Danny.." Lando murmured under his breath.

"- I don't know what happened today. I accidentally bumped into Mick's rear wing and managed to spin out the track! You already had the food poisoning to worry about then I just had to make you worry even more!-" Hot tears began streaming down the Aussie's face.

"Daniel.." Lando gripped onto the older's thigh.

"To make things even worse; it's your fuckin' birthday week! What kind of good friend am I to be such a burden to you? Am I right?" In an attempt to sneak in a joke, Daniel started to sob even harder.

Lando placed his arm over Daniel's shoulder and pulled him in closer. The Brit played with the Aussie's curls as he dug his face into his shoulder.

"I don't want to leave you, Lando. I don't want to leave this sport. I want to keep going, to prove that I'm much better than this."

"Oh Daniel, mate.. Zak is an idiot to be kicking you out the team. I know you have more in you. You know it too."

The older put his head up and looked into Lando's eyes. He gave him a small smile. Daniel placed his head onto the younger's lap.

"Can you.. sing for me? One last time-" Daniel got interrupted.

"Don't say that. That 'L' word. I despise it."

Lando bent over to let his lips touch the Aussie's. It was a short yet sweet kiss. They intertwined fingers as they stared lovingly into each others' eyes. Lando cleared his throat.

"The doctor wrote me my prescription, had a taste I was addicted."

Lando played with the older's curls again.

"Ate the candy that was given to me, bittersweet.."

Daniel cleared his throat.

"Walked to the beat of my heart."

The Aussie began fiddling with their fingers.

"Got me a shot with the stars.." The Brit chimed in.

"Now I can't help wishing for a little more space." Lando continued.

"Followed the path that I saw, I'd pay whatever the cost." Daniel added, covering the tears trinkling down his cheeks with his sleeve.

"Now the only thing I can afford is, a little more.." Lando trailed off. Daniel's hics and sniffling caused the younger to hold the older's hand to his lips.

"Thank you, Danny. I'll never regret ever meeting you in F1. I'll never not think about you next year. I'll never forget you." Lando talked into his palm. Daniel let out small noises from under his sleeve. Lando picked it up to see Daniel's face again.

His lashes were now sprinkled with tears. Eyes redder and puffier. But now, with a smile on his face.

"And most importantly, I'll always love you." Lando kissed Daniel on the forehead.

"Je t'aime." Daniel's voice was husky from the crying but the Aussie's accent was still distinct.

"Mon aussi, mon Aussie." Daniel let out a chuckle at Lando's reply.

As the sun began to set, the two of them could only hope that Daniel would be granted a miracle and get a 2023 seat. But at that moment, they could only hope that the night never ends. That they could stay together for as long as they wanted.

#daniel ricciardo #lando norris #Dando #Landan (??)#f1 rpf #a man on the verge of crying shows up at your hotel room door #what do you do??#fanfic #One of my first f1 rpf fics have mercy #okie byee

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cookinguptales · 1 year

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Finding Salome, or why the Met probably never wants me to come back

So I decided kind of on a lark to go to the Met yesterday (despite already being fairly tired and achy) and it was largely to go see the Japanese religious art currently on rotation, but then I remembered Salome.

Now, my What We Do In The Shadows pals will recognize Henri Regnault's Salome as the painting that was used for the basis of the Nadja painting in the show.

I'd seen photos of the painting before, but WWDITS was admittedly what got me to pay real attention to it. But... I mean, it's a beautiful painting. The fabric work is just genuinely exquisite, and I've really come to love it.

So when I'm told that one of the big galleries is closed for renovations so I'll have to go through European Paintings to get to the Asian art wing, I'm like excellent, I'll go visit Nadja.

I am cheerful at this point. I am making friends with all the docents, who are happy to point this overgrown toddler with a pink sparkly cane to where she wants to go.

(I.. had just come from brunch at the Barbie Cafe and had my overnight backpack and was giving big First Day At School vibes.)

But then I get to the European paintings and I am confused. Okay, I get why there's the giant line of people. The Karl Lagerfeld thing or whatever. But why are all these galleries on the other side roped off? They're all listed as open online.

I meander my way through the area, enjoying the art and getting increasingly nervous as I realize a lot of galleries are roped off, and it doesn't look like it's for temporary clean-up or something. And then I get to the back and!!! heartbreak!!!

hopes!!! dashed!!

Being real with you guys, I have very shitty vision and I know that doesn't look that far, but I could barely see it.

(-13 glasses prescription gang rise up)

So... I immediately start asking for help. First I ask the nearest security guard. "Why ropes??? Where Salome?????" I said, but like. Nicely and politely and more eloquently than that.

HE DIDN'T KNOW. He said he wasn't sure, but maybe there wasn't enough security to man all the galleries and the Karl Lagerfeld exhibit.

(KARL LAGERFELD, I thought, DEAD AS FUCK AND STILL RUINING THE FAT GIRLIES' LIVES.)

He told me that he wasn't sure what was going on, but that I should go find his supervisor, who was wearing a gray suit. I did look for this supervisor, but couldn't find him. But I start asking around. A few other security guards. Two different docents.

The second docent feels bad for me because at this point I am just like ;o; salomeeee

She tells me I can sit down in her seat (thank you ma'am) and she'll ask around. She comes back, though, and tells me that she still doesn't know and I should go down to the info desk on the first floor.

(She also tells me that maybe I can tell my teacher what happened and I'll be okay. "Teacher?" I ask. "For school," she said, assuming that this was all for some assignment. Then she pauses, and hazards. "Or maybe a professor?" "Oh no, this isn't for school; I just really want to see the painting," I said, and silently added, and also I am 33. I realize at this point that I actually do look like an infant today lmao.)

So... I go down to the info desk. I ask one person. She does not know what I'm talking about. Literally all like... 6-7 people I have asked at this point have been like "idk?? it's supposed to be open??"

She gets a different info desk guy. He's like, well, I guess security roped it off. (??? yes I know that part, I'm asking why and if it'll get UNroped at some point.) And I am like. Sir. I have come all this way to see this painting. (This is not actually the case but it was definitely starting to feel that way.) Sir. No, I cannot come back in a few days. I am going back to California. (Not.... strictly untrue, if misleading.)

He says, somewhat kindly, that once he went all the way to the UK to see a painting and it wasn't on display, so he knows it sucks. So I bring up the the website. I show him that it says that Salome is indeed on display.

He says, I'll make some calls. So he goes away and comes back and tells me that he spoke to security ("the gray suit man..." I think) and it has indeed been roped off for the whole day and can I come back tomorrow? "no," I say, in a lot of pain and genuinely near tears at this point, "I go home in a few hours."

(This man thinks, oh, to California. I am actually going home to Philadelphia, but I am indeed flying to California in a few days to live with my parents like I do every summer while it's too hot for me to safely live on the east coast. Chronic illness life, etc.)

So... the guy pulls a ticket voucher out of his coat. He gives me a ticket for free admission that does not expire. "This is all I can do," he says.

I take the ticket.

I am so depressed at this point. I did not come here only to see Salome, but I really wanted to see her. And now I desperately wanted to see her. It just felt so unfair, somehow, to rope off all these paintings that people could have come from all over the world to see just so dead-ass Karl Lagerfeld could soak up all the security. Like... you just charged me $30 admission to this museum! The fact that you couldn't hire enough security to start with feels like a sham! Isn't this exact shit the kind of stuff the Met Gala is supposed to pay for in the first place? Isn't it supposed to fundraise to put together these exhibits and fund the Costume Institute? They raised $17 million last year! Can they not afford their own fucking security?

I digress.

So I trudge back up through the European paintings hall to go see the Asian art on the second floor. I glare at the Karl Lagerfeld line. I decide to go for one more far-away look at Salome.

So I go. And I look. And there, on the far side of the gallery, I notice movement by the other door.

I see someone get on the elevator.

And I'd known there was an elevator back there, but I kind of assumed it was inaccessible to the general public now. But the person who got on the elevator looked like they were probably a tourist. Like me!!

So I look at my map and see that there's another way to the particular room Salome is in, and it's through... I shit you not, the Iran/Ottoman wing.

(lmao)

I immediately rush off to find Nadja through The Nandor Wing and it's actually a very lovely part of the museum that a lot of people skip but I was in no mind to be normal about it.

But I find my way through the wing, moving admittedly a lot more slowly at this point, and -- SUCCESS.

I still cannot get into the room, but I can get a hell of a lot closer. Especially if I just kinda. Lean over the ropes a little.

This isn't as crowded a part of the museum, being honest, and not many people come by as I'm marveling at Salome.

(Look, I've been trying to see this painting for over an hour. I'm going to take my time with it.)

I do at one point hear a guy behind me say, "Oh, can we not go in here?"

"NO," I say. "They won't let anyone in. I've asked like five times."

It's said like a joke, and it's also untrue. I have asked a lot more than five times.

I turn to laugh with this guy and make room for him to come up to the ropes and see in and then I see him

behind us

A MAN IN A GRAY SUIT.

I see the badge on him and I know exactly who he is. He is waiting to get on the elevator and he is looking at me with recognition and exhaustion in his eyes.

I realize then that he has just seen me hanging half of my entire fucking body over the ropes so I could get a better picture.

I look at him. He looks at me.

He gets on the elevator.

I go back to taking selfies with Salome.

Look at this pleased with herself bitch. lmao

FORREAL THO, wwdits fan or not you should go look at that painting if you ever have the chance. It is SO shiny and it really does look like she's wearing golden clothing. It's so pretty, I looked at that skirt for ages.

Anyway, after this I eventually went to the Asian art wing, only to find that I'd been given incorrect information and there wasn't an accessible route on this floor at all.

I never had to enter European Paintings to start with. :')

#don't worry I was careful not to get too close to that other painting on the wall #I was Salome-mad not careless lmao #I did get to go see the asian art btw #limited Japanese collection tbh but worth seeing #there is ONE elevator that will get you into the asian art wing #and it's tucked away over by the temple of dendur #so my ex-egyptologist ass kind of fell down the rabbit hole there but oh well #the rest of the asian art wing was really lovely too I loved seeing the Jain temple in particular #wwdits #the metropolitan museum of art

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breathplayed · 10 months

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12 - do you ever have trouble focusing on writing? how do you get around that?

I need tips! xD

YES i have severe adhd it's been real fun trying to function in a society

what i do (some tips are replicable maybe some r not lol):

write when i Want to.... ofc this urge doesnt always strike, sometimes u do have to go force urself through a block, but i will listen to a fic playlist or daydream about the fic and it will make me Want to write down what im thinking about. having that actual desire helps lol. bc then, even if my brain is having trouble focusing My Heart/Dick still want to write so im more likely to keep pushing instead of give up

borderline sensory deprivation honestly, i can't listen to music or watch tv or anything when i write or read or think, so i blast white noise in my headphones and get completely sucked into the doc lol

i make a separate desktop on macbook that is just two windows, the fic outline on the left and the doc or writing program on the right. that way if i go to open a tab to google something for the fic i dont see other windows/tabs of Fun Stuff i was doing before that might distract me lol

i use the Forest extension with all social media blacklisted so that when my attention wanders and i open a tab to go to twitter or whatever by muscle memory, the extension puts me back in my place with the big "Ur gonna kill ur tree if u proceed" screen and im like "UUUGGHHHH thats right im supposed to be writing FIINEEE ill go back"

know when and how to give up..... sometimes writing rly isnt working but it's still good to try, if the words arent coming out right i try to settle for like. ok well i'll open the outline and i'll read over that, or reread earlier part of fic, to see if it reinspires me. if its really not working (if ur too tired/frustrated that will show in the writing style ukno) ill at least add bullet points of what the next parts of the scene should be. maybe i dont feel like writing fancy pretty sentences right now, but i can come back tomorrow and see the quick idea i jotted down on what i was thinking of doing next and that gives me a good jumping-off point

it helps to have external accountability!!!! write with a friend holding each other to a certain time period of Working on it, or just open a sprint site that has a global sprint bc then u can see other ppl working and it feels like ur racing them. body doubling with adhd helps with this too, if u go to a cafe/library and see others working it keeps u focused (like im not gonna open youtube and start watching some stupid shit with others able to see over my shoulder, im gonna Open My Doc)

this last point is only applicable if u have a stimulants prescription for adhd (or buy it somewhere i guess lol) but i definitely am 20-1000x more productive when i take my meds. the hyperfocus is way easier to kick into. sometimes when i pop my silly lil pill i can write like 4-7k average in a 3 hour sitting

Best of luck... Never give up........ also helps i think to pay attention to what conditions work for u and replicate them, like where u write best!! last summer i got one of them fancy clicky raised key keyboards + a riser for my laptop and that made typing fun, ill probably return to it eventually i just have it packed away atm

#ask game #writing tag

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cryptidshadows · 1 year

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I saw the post you made yesterday, and I'd like to take you up on your offer. I'm female to nonbinary, and I just started microdosing testosterone on March sixth. My main objective is bottom growth, which my doctor said can take as much as two years on this dosage; but I have a couple of questions she, as a cis person, can't answer:

I know there's no predicting what effects I'll get on T, but I'm a classically trained mezzo-soprano, and I worked hard for the voice I have. What is the likelihood, do you think, that I'll retain my upper registers if my voice deepens? I know of one man whose voice did that.

I'm not thrilled about the idea of facial hair. Do you have any suggestions for products or procedures that will keep it at bay, or do you prefer to let it grow? I'm in West Virginia, one of the states where trans rights are particularly under attack, so I need to be able to fly under the radar to some degree, even though I really want to be out and proud.

Last set of questions: did you have top surgery? If so, how much did it cost, how did you pay for it, and how long did it take to recover? I live on my own, so I'm concerned about being able to take care of my apartment while I recover.

Thanks for putting yourself out there for questions like this. I've been dealing with dysphoria for almost 44 years, and I'm finally in a place where I can do something about it, but I want to know what I'm getting into from someone who has actually experienced transitioning rather than just observed it from an outside, clinical perspective, you know?

I’ll do my best to answer each of these as best I can, but I’m no medical pro, and went on T with the intent of living full time as a man!

You’ve said your main objective is bottom growth - are there topical solutions or other things you can look into, rather than testosterone via injection? I’ve heard mixed results regarding the use of a vacuum pump, to stretch tissue (usually recommended 2-3 times a day, for 10-15 minutes). Of course there’s a lot of debate on whether or not it produces permanent effects, but it’s often requested by surgeons for bottom surgery preparation to give them as much natural length and tissue as possible.

The biggest issue with microdosing T (which you recognize yourself which is good to hear) is that it’s unpredictable. You’re still likely to get all the effects of a regular dose of testosterone, just more slowly - so your growth will likely begin to get larger alongside more of a substantial voice drop, body hair growth, etc. There are also trans men who experience little to no bottom growth, even on a standard dose, while gaining a deeper voice and facial hair. A lot of the effects of T, even on a lower dose, can’t be easily reversed, so if your current voice is very important to you, that’s something to really think about! You can train your voice to be higher, as many trans women have, but the thicker vocal chords are typically permanent. I have known trans men who have trained themselves to sing with a pretty impressive range, it’s just the entire range has, of course, dropped lower than before. It’s pretty similar to how a cis boy singer has to retrain when he goes through puberty!

I was very excited to be able to shave my face, so I did want facial hair (and now I only ever trim it, lol)! Again, I’d caution that the use of T will be hard to hide over time, and I think it’s good to be prepared for how you will handle those changes being recognized at work, in town, with people who are close to you, etc. That’s why I wonder if there’s another way for you to get certain secondary effects without testosterone as a prescriptive substance, as it’s virtually impossible to have full control over which effects you get. (You could end up with tons of body hair, a deep voice, and no bottom growth - we all just react so differently to it.)

I mentioned in a previous answer that I had a lot of growth from exercising, especially weight lifting while on a higher protein diet. I’m not sure if that’s something you can do, but many female bodybuilders tend to be more well-endowed, because they’re naturally boosting their body’s androgens - but it comes with a lower likelihood of developing a significantly deeper voice or facial hair!

I actually have not have top surgery - I’ve debated it, but my biggest issue was the risk of sensation loss. I’d get t-anchor or something to that accord if I did, and I would look into local surgeons due to my insurance and the quality of care in my state. I live in Massachusetts now, and most trans care is covered by insurance here if you have a medical need for it. I know that’s not the case in West Virginia unfortunately, but if you have a workplace that has insurance, it would be good to call your provider and see - and some workplaces offer HSAs, which are pre-tax accounts you can contribute part of your paycheck to in order to save up for medical expenses. I do have a friend who had top surgery while living alone, and he just made sure he had everything in easy reach - nothing placed above waist level in the apartment! Many surgeons will advise or even require that you have some help for the first day or two or even week though, so if you can arrange for someone you trust to stay with you for a little bit, that would likely be a huge help, even if just to be sure you don’t have any complications or emergencies that you can’t handle on your own!

I hope that some of this is useful, and again this is all just from MY point of view, so take it all with a grain of salt! I think it's a really good thing though that you're doing your research and due diligence to prevent going down a path of changes that you aren't sure you want to have. There's always more than one way to go about something, and it's possible that you could get some of the results you're looking for through other means than HRT!

#asks #ask me anything #hrt #top surgery #transmasc

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i-love-an-alcoholic · 8 months

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Story of M: How things went to hell, Part 2

CONTENT WARNING: Drug addiction

Antabus was a miracle drug for me in many ways, but it has one major flaw: it only prevents alcohol use. I had conditioned myself to the general feeling of being on something, be it alcohol, weed or other substances and my brain was not ready to give up that. While I had succesfully given up alcohol, I quickly replaced it with excessive weed smoking. After about six months I stopped taking Antabus and began drinking again, although not as much as before.

Remember the troubled guy I was in a "relationship" with? From now on I'll refer to him as Shitty Boyfriend. Our relationship was transactional: I gave him money (he didn't work) and he gave me drugs. At some point I felt like I needed to help him gain some control of his chaotic life, so I gave him money for a psychiatrist. He saw one, and got a prescription for an anti-anxiety medicine (a benzodiazepine) which he quickly became addicted to. The meds did nothing to improve his life: he just took a pill to temporarily feel better about things so he didn't need to actually change anything, and whenever the effects wore off he'd pop another one. He gave pills to me whenever I asked and I would take them with or without alcohol (this is a dangerous combination, don't do it) and I regularly gave him more money so he could get his prescription renewed. Edit: I should add that he saw the doctor at a private practice and therefore had to pay out of pocket.

Our friend group at the time was very drug-seeking, so there were a lot of various substances to try. I tried everything except strong opioids (I'm scared of them). Every time I visited Shitty Boyfriend we would gather and spend an evening playing video games, board games and doing drugs. I'm not going to lie: I sometimes miss those times.

I still went to work every day like a normal person, but as soon as I got off and closed my apartment door behind me I'd pop some pills or blaze it. As I've said before, I justified this by the stressful nature of my job. Eventually the facade began cracking and I got in trouble at work for my erratic behaviour. A lot of things happened and as a result I was transferred to a different deparment, which turned out to be insular and toxic. I was already in a bad mental state, the working environment worsened things and I began using amphetamines to cope.

For the next few months I lost all my savings, so I began taking payday loans to pay for my addiction. I even lied to my parents to get money from them. My life revolved around speed: it was all I could think about. After nine months I weighed around 48kg (106lbs), my mental health and finances were in shambles and I was seriously considering IV use (never did though, thank deity). Then I woke up.

I clearly remember that day. I had gotten my pay on friday and after paying rent, utilities and some of the the payday loans I had about 100€ left until next payday. I gave the money to Shitty Boyfriend who was visiting, and he went to buy us drugs for the weekend. By sunday evening all of it was gone and Shitty Boyfriend had left. I was sitting in my kitchen with no money and no drugs. It was almost like an out of body experience: I suddenly saw myself from outside and realized what I was doing was wrong. My lifestyle was unsustainable. My behavior was unhinged and I had gotten in trouble at work again because of it. I basically had two choices: either to quit or to become a full-time drug addict. I would lose my job. I would lose everything that really mattered to me. I would lose my life.

On that day, at the age of 30, I quit drugs.

#i love an alcoholic #tw drugs

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green-meanies · 2 years

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last night i got asked to headcanon what the elderly gangreen gang would be like??? anyway i wanna see your take that would be interesting

Oh this is interesting to think about lol, honestly it's hard for me to imagine them as being older but I'll do my best!

Ace: His hair looks exactly like how you drew it in this post. He dyes it in attempt to look younger. Refused to take off his shades despite his eyesight having gotten worse, so he was given prescription sunglasses.

Snake: Definitely has a cane, like you said. Still drags his feet around but this time in slippers. If you've wronged him in some way he'll intentionally build up static electricity and shock you as you pass by.

Big Billy: Still the friendliest and actually gets along with the other residents when he's by himself. Still really strong despite his age, and sometimes forgets that he's not a young'in anymore.

Lil' Arturo: Probably aged the most gracefully, despite somehow being even shorter now. Some of the old ladies confuse him for their grandson and it frustrates him to no end. He's the only one I can see maybe becoming a grandpa? idk why

Grubber: Somehow still pretty spry for his age, possibly because he always had a messed-up posture so he's just used to it. Definitely wears grandpa fashion with pride. Hasn't lost his skills in Poker, and is the reigning Chess champion in the nursing home.

As a group they still get together to mess with everyone else. They bully other residents, steal desserts, and one time managed to rig the Bingo machine so they could win. They also once vandalized the walls with paint they stole from the craft room.

Sadly they don't get visitors very often, but maybe the Powerpuff Girls can pay them a visit whenever they're in Townsville.

#this was kind of sad to think about tbh #I can't imagine any of them having kids/grandkids so they wouldn't really have anyone you know?#I'd love for them to but it's hard for me to picture it lol #anyway yeah this is all I've got #gangreen gang #the gangs all here #prank calls #headcanons

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brightgnosis · 2 years

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Guess whose Savella prescription went up from $85 a month to $120 because of the Prior Authorization 🙃

Got to have a very fun conversation with my very jaded pharmacy insurance clerk at MedImpact over how Prior Authorization is a bullshit system because they'll let you do a prior auth- but if they say yes, then they'll cover it for what they'll cover it for and you may or may not get fucked on the price when they do it.

Basically: They changed it from a Tier II medication to a Tier III- which means I should only be paying 20% of the total $500 per month cost, putting me at $100. And that wouldn't be so bad compared to what we were paying ... Except Savella itself has its own unique, super special rule all its own of 30% instead- putting it at just under $130 a month over the standard Tier III pricing ... Why? Who the hell knows. Because they can do whatever they want, really.

So honestly I'd get screwed over even if they had kept it because of the restructuring and the stupid special exception ... But it doesn't matter, because they did drop it from their roster entirely and it's not covered by them at all anymore. So I still get screwed over by Prior Authorization! But only at a generously capped $120 per month's supply instead 🙃

Dropping the only FDA approved Fibromyalgia medication ever developed from their Formulary Roster at all was bad enough, honestly ... Fucking cunts.

ETA: On the upside, Savella's parent company seems to have finally decided to have some kind of a heart regarding the absolutely exorbitant price of their medication, and actually released a "savings card" (so long as you swear you're not on or eligible for Medicare or Medicaid). So I got one and my pharmacy's running it now to see if it'll even work for me with my insurance 🤞

ETA 2: Holy shit it worked with my insurance and it legitimately took it down to $20.

It only has 6 uses, unfortunately- and it expires in December. So I'll have to reapply in January before I've even gotten my full use out of this card ... But now I know I qualify and that it works with my insurance, and it still saved us $100 so I'll take it ??????

#Fibromyalgia: The Fuck You For No Reason Disease!#Personal #Alphabet Soup #2022

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pbandjesse · 1 year

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Today was a pretty good day off. I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to do but I did a good job. I am very tired right now.

I slept okay last night but I woke up with a sore throat I think from the heat being on so high. I don't remember James leaving for work. But I woke up at 8:00 and I felt okay. I would stay in bed until about 8:20 and then I got up and got dressed to wait for my telehealth doctor's appointment.

I got dressed and I thought okay but I was full anxiety. They called me at 9:00 to do the intake and pay for the copay which I think is annoying was the same cost as if I was in office. But whatever. They were really nice on the phone. And when I talk to the doctor she decided she wanted to put me on a pill that will treat my aches and pains and psoriasis and all of the issues that I'm dealing with. But it's a stopgap until the other medication starts working. I've never tried this one before so I'm a little nervous. But she said that it's pretty normal to go on this but I have to have some form of birth control while I'm taking it. Because the side effects to a potential fetus would be so bad that we can't even risk it. So I'll be on this for a few months I guess. All the other one is getting sorted out. Which thankfully they do seem like they are covering it now so that's something. I don't know what my copay is going to be but I hope it's not outrageous.

They called my prescription into Walgreens and once I was off the phone I was just kind of poking around the apartment like I have been doing the entire phone call. I was just circling. So I picked up some stuff and started cleaning things. I decided I would clear out the fridge. Well I baked some chocolate cookies to go in our cookie boxes. And I took everything out of the fridge and tried to wipe down all the surfaces. It is shocking how dirty for just get for no reason. Like we didn't smell anything so why is it so dirty.

I had to text James some pictures because I wasn't sure what they were and if they needed to be thrown away. But we got all leftovers that were too gross to eat out of the fridge and it looks a lot nicer in there. Our friend is up very bad shape and I always feel like we never have enough room and it's just an awkward space but I try my best to keep it clean.

I finished catching up on my temperature blanket and enjoyed just laying in bed. Texted Jess and it was a nice day.

I would take a walk to go and get my medication. Once they called me I got dressed and walked over to the Walgreens. I really like my new coat but the metal of the button smells bad so I tried washing them off with Clorox wipes but I'm not sure if there is a better way to get that smell off.

It was really nice out and it's definitely getting colder but it was a good walk and it was nice and sunny. I got to the Walgreens and I got my medication and after I walked around the store for a bit I headed home.

I got back here and put some stuff away and read about the medications and kind of got a little nervous because of the side effects that it can cause. She gave me a vitamin supposed to help with preventing this side effect so I have to make sure I take that everyday and not miss any days. And got a little scared because the medication is also used to treat cancer. And that is wild to me. I know it's cuz it's immune suppressant but it is a little scary. Unknown.

I spent the afternoon working on some sewing stuff and wrapping gifts and I wanted to make more cookies but I got really winded and dizzy and I just felt like I couldn't do that. I did make ramen which was really good and I'm glad I did it because I hadn't made ramen in a while. I made it just a little spicy and I put an egg in it and it was great.

James had some stuff they had to do after work. Went to go pick up something for me from the Kinkos and then when to the grocery store and their parents house and they would bring us home of Frozen pizza. I got a little over tired having to stand in a very long line at the grocery store but they would come home and everything would be okay.

When they got back they realized they left their phone in the car so while they went to go settle down I went to get their phone because I had to get a couple things from the car anyway. I wanted to get my panda duffle bag that I've been using in the trunk to sort some stuff and fix the zipper. Now that I know how to install a zipper I thought that would be a good project. I would also take apart the straps and move them to a better placement. And the zipper didn't come out perfect then I'm really happy with how I did. I get better every time. Practice makes perfect.

I've been in bed for a while now. I was going to do some stuff. I painted my nails. But I just feel very tired. I took the first round of medication tonight. I had to take five pills. And next Wednesday I will take six. And then we can continue on. But it's wild to me. I'm going to be trying to monitor myself to see if anything's unusual but it's hard because sometimes I'm fine all day until the night time and sometimes I'm a mess for no reason. So who knows what will happen. I just got to be careful I guess. Apparently those medication can make me very susceptible to bleeding. So I have to make sure I don't hurt myself because I can just be bleeding all the time. Scary.

Now though James is playing D&D and I'm going to go take a bubble bath. I'm already thinking about Christmas and I would love to open a gift tonight but I'm trying to save all of them because I know we did not get each other a ton of stuff this year. And yeah I just hope that tomorrow is a good day. James made some more cookie dough for me so I will bake more of those tomorrow and hopefully I feel good and everything will be good and great and nice. I hope you all sleep well tonight. Good night everyone.

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