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arlana-likes-to-write · 5 months

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Christmas Everyday

Summary: Yelena hates the cold, nothing good has happened to her when the temperatures dropped. When an assignment takes her to Boston, MA, and she stumbles into a cafe to escape the bitter weather, maybe the cold isn't as bad as she thought.

Warning: gun shot, gun shot injury, mention of HYDRA, Red Room and killing, blood, original character death, fluff and angst, cannon type violence, gay panic (lol)

Word count: 4.1k

Yelena hated the cold. It reminded her of Russian winters, fake Christmas’ in Ohio, and her time in New York when she was hired to kill Clint Barton. She wished she was someplace warmer, but work brought her to Boston. It was snowing lighting. Yelena walked down the busy sidewalk and maneuvered through the crowd. She had some time before her stakeout and wanted something warm to drink. Picking a random cafe, she opened the door and was surrounded by warmth. She almost moaned at the break from the cold.

The cafe wasn’t busy. A few tables were occupied by patrons working on their laptops or holding a book. She noticed there was a small library in the corner, but what made Yelena cringe was the Christmas decorations all over the place. There were decorations for the holidays that took place in December: Hanukkah, Kwanzaa. It was like something out of a Hallmark movie.

Sighing, she stepped up to the corner. “I’ll be right with you.” A voice called from the back. That was fine. She needed time to think and figure out what she wanted. “Hot chocolate and a banana muffin for Lindsay,” you put the two items down and wished the girl that came to collect them a ‘Happy Holiday.’ “Hi, sorry for the wait. Are you ready to order, or do you need a few more minutes?” Yelena couldn’t help but stare at you, a red beanie on your head and dressed in black jeans and a flannel. It was 9 am, and the amount of energy you had was intimidating.

“Black coffee and a chocolate croissant,” she ordered. You didn’t bat an eye at her accent.

“A name for the order.”

“Kate,” the blonde answered without hesitation. Giving her real name with her target being so close would be stupid.

“Alright, Kate,” you smiled. “That will be $7.25,” Yelena handed you the exact change and slipped a few extra bills into the tip jar. “Your order will be right up.” You removed the croissant from the display case and put it in the oven. Next, you poured her coffee.

“Are you the only employee?” Yelena found herself asking. There was no line, so she figured it was okay to make light conversation. You shook your head.

“I usually work the most, but there are two others, but everyone called in sick,” you laughed. “So you are stuck with little old me,” you bagged the croissant and placed the two items. “One black coffee and chocolate croissant for Kate,” the blonde took her order. “Happy Holidays.”

“Same to you,” Yelena turned to leave the little shop, and when she opened the pastry bag, she saw the croissant she ordered and a small blueberry muffin. Yelena was amazed you put it in there without her noticing. Smiling, she took a bit and continued on her way.

She had no intention of returning to the cafe, but she did. Every day before she started her assignment, she would enter and be greeted with soft Christmas music and your warm smile. It was the same order: black coffee and a chocolate croissant. Every time you put something extra in the bag. Yelena never mentioned it, and neither did you. Where there wasn’t a line of customers, Yelena asked you questions about your life in the city, and in return, you asked your fair share. She told you she was in the town for business, which you joked and said sounded ‘sketchy.’

Yelena should have put an end to it. It was dangerous and stupid, but there was something about you and the small cafe that kept her wanting more.

The familiar smell soothed the ache in Yelena’s body as she opened the door to the cafe. It was quiet; only one other person was there, and he was reading a newspaper in the corner. You looked up from whipping the counter. “Missed you yesterday. I was worried my favorite customer skipped town and didn’t bother saying goodbye.” Yelena chuckled.

“I slept in,” she said, approaching the counter. What she did was drink too much to dig out the bullet out of her stomach and pass out. She slept into one. Your eyes flickered across her body and landed on her face.

“Are you okay?” You asked. Yelena nodded.

“I just feel like I got hit by a bus,” you chuckled and glanced at your coworker. Her name was Jennifer. On busier days, she cooked while you handed the counter.

“Jen, can you watch the counter for a second?” She agreed. Yelena watched you curiously as you rounded the corner and grabbed her hand.

“What-?” Yelena let herself be dragged to the back of the kitchen and into a cleaning closet. “What the fuck?” She asked as you pushed her down into a chair.

“Just shut up and listen,” you grabbed a first aid kit and knelt in front of her. Your warm hands pushed up her shirt. The stitches she did ripped. How the hell did she not notice? “That guy in the corner when you walked in,” you opened an alcohol pad and cleaned up around the wound. “He’s been here the past few days asking about you.” Fuck. She was being so stupid. A low hiss escaped her mouth when you pressed an alcohol pad. “Sorry,” you mumbled. “I haven’t told him much, but he’s been,” you paused. “Aggressive.” Yelena’s eyes narrowed.

“Has he hurt you?” You shook your head.

“No, but you need to leave. There is a back door,” a gunshot filled the quiet cafe, and you both stood up quickly. Yelena almost hit her head against yours. “You need to go now.”

“Come with me. It’s not safe,” she saw the hesitation pass through your eyes.

“I can’t,” you whispered. “I’ll stall him and see if they are okay up front.” Another gunshot. You opened the door to the closet. “Just go,” Yelena wanted to go in and take the man down, but with her condition, she would lose.

“Don’t die on me,” you chuckled. “I’ll come back,” Yelena promised. Promises were dangerous in her line of work. They were uncertain and unpredictable, and if broken, they left both parties in pain. You nodded, offering her a kind smile. It was almost like you didn’t believe her. Another shot rang out, causing Yelena to look away from you and run to the door. It led to a back alley, and the cold air caused goosebumps to form on her skin.

It was unlike her to run away from a fight. She was trained to face it head-on but ran from this one. When she was a reasonable distance away, she pulled out her phone and dialed 911. “911, what’s your emergency?”

“I like to report a robbery in progress.”

You steadied your heart rate and walked back to the front of the store with your hands raised. The man was standing in the middle of the room, the gun pointed at you when you appeared. “Well, look who finally joined the party.” His voice was laced with a Russian accent. Unlike the blonde you knew, it did not provide warmth, but a chill went down your spine. “Where is the blonde bitch?” You saw Jennifer standing in the corner, unharmed but terrified. A few more customers must have entered when you were helping the blonde; two of them were on the ground, not moving, with a pool of blood forming around them. “Answer me!”

“Gone,” you replied. “She went out the back.” He laughed, shaking his head. His laughter brought you back to a dark part of your past, and you focused on staying in the present.

“Why are you constantly getting in my way?”

“Why are you after her?” You questioned.

“Your girlfriend killed my boss,” he answered. That was not surprising. Wait, did he call her my girlfriend, you thought?

“She’s not-” you stopped yourself. “Look, I called the cops. They’ll be here any second. You have enough time to leave before they show up.” He laughed again and began to pace, side to side. You saw a knife on the counter, and while the man was muttering to himself, you grabbed it and placed it in your pant pocket.

“Do you know who I work for?” You had no clue and honestly couldn’t care less. Since you were a kid, you learned that someone or a group had to be in power, and if the top dog was displaced, someone was ready to take over. It was exhausting, and you found it useless to evolve yourself in the ‘political’ undertakings of the city you now called home. Your silence annoyed him. “I’m going to kill you, then I’ll find that Black Widow and slice her open.” You chuckled. “What’s so funny?”

“I have a feeling she won’t be that easy to kill,” you answered, especially if she was a Black Widow. “And fun fact: I won’t be that easy either.”

You jumped over the counter, which separated you and him. He missed his first shot and landed the second in your stomach. The pain was nothing to you since you’d been shot before, and you wondered if this would be your last. You pulled the knife out of your pocket, used his hesitation to reload, and kicked the pistol out of his hand. Whoever this man worked for, you figured he was on the lower end of the organization because his hand-to-hand combat was shit. He was using this opportunity to prove himself.

It was easy to close the distance on him and stab the knife in his stomach. You pressed forward until his back was against the bookshelf, and blood began to pool in his mouth. Once he stopped struggling, you let his body fall to the ground. Besides your breathing and the distant sound of sirens, the cafe was silent. You stumbled backward; a pained groan left your lips as you put pressure on the gunshot wound. “Oh my god! Oh my god!” Jennifer said. Her footsteps rounded the corner, and she had a white towel in her hand. “That was insane!” She pressed the towel to your stomach. “Are you okay? God, of course you aren’t.” You chuckled.

“I’m okay,” you said. Jennifer rolled her eyes.

“You’re a badass,” she said. “I kind of figured that about you.” You leaned your head back on the wall. You killed someone. It was in self-defense, but you ended a life. You wanted out of this life, and of course, a blonde Black Widow would pull you back into it.

A knock on your apartment door caused you to look up from the boiling pot. Since you were shot five days ago, you were still heavily restricted on movement. Hell, the cafe owners refused to let you go back to work until a doctor cleared you, which was for another two weeks. So you’ve kept to yourself in your apartment, surviving on grocery store delivery services and movies on TV. Another knock caused you to sigh and walk over to it, not bothering to put on a shirt. You’ve only worn loose tank tops and sweatpants. It was easy, simple, and required little movement. You glanced at the peephole and quickly opened the door when you saw the blonde. “Hi,” she smiled. You pulled her into your apartment and closed the door. “Well, buy me dinner before you drag me around like that,” she teased.

“I can’t believe you are still here,” you said. “Is it safe?” She sighed, took off her winter jacket, and hung it up on the hook. Instead of answering, she walked into your kitchen.

“What were you cooking?” She asked.

“Pasta, but it can wait,” the blonde gave you a pointed look.

“Sit,” she put her bag on the counter and washed her hands. “You got shot for me. The less I can do is cook dinner.” You had no energy to argue, so you grabbed your water bottle and the bottle of ibuprofen. The hospital prescribed you more potent pain medication, but those scared you. “To answer your question, yes, it is safe. The group that man was a part of won’t bother you or the cafe again.”

“Did you kill them?” You asked. The water began to boil, and she put the pasta in. “I don’t mind,” you said. It would be hypercritically if you did. “Just curious.” She turned to face you, leaning against the counter. Her green eyes scanned over you.

“You handled the situation at the cafe well,” you chuckled, scratching the bag off your head.

“Not well enough. I did get shot.” She smirked.

“Who are you?” She asked. Your eyebrows shot up to your hairline.

“I feel like I should be asking you that very same question,” she chuckled, turned to grab her bag, and pulled out a file. The blonde threw it in front of you. With shaky hands, you opened it. It was everything HYDRA did to you and everything they forced you to do. You so desperately wanted to forget that part of your life, so when you escaped, you got a new identity and a mundane job as a barista. “You’re a Black Widow, right?” You wanted to confirm what that man told you. She nodded her head. “They would always tell us about you and compare your conditions to ours. They kept saying it could be worse.”

“I bet both were horrible,” she mumbled. You nodded. “I heard about you. HYDRA’s Shadows. They said you died.”

“It’s because I did,” she drained the pasta and placed it back in the pot with the sauce. “The Shadow died, and she was reborn as a cafe barista.” She put a bowl in front of you with a fork. “What’s your real name? Because I know it’s not Kate.”

“Yelena,” she answered. Honestly, you were surprised she gave it to you. “I’m sorry for involving you and your coworker. I should have realized they were following me.” You shrugged. It was unfortunate that two of your regulars were killed, but you knew the situation could have been worse. “You got out of this life,” she said. “I shouldn’t have dragged you back into it.”

“Why are you still in it?” Yelena looked around your apartment instead of answering.

“It looks like Christmas threw up in here,” she said. “I’m guessing you decorated the cafe.” You spun in the chair to look at your decorations.

“I love Christmas,” you told her, glancing over your shoulder. “I wish it could be Christmas every day.” She scuffed, and you turned back around. Yelena was stirring the pasta in the bowl. “How long are you going to stay?” She sighed, moving her shoulders up and down.

“Not sure.”

“Stay with me then,” her head snapped to look at you. “Look, you clearly don’t have any other pressing plans, and I did get shot for you; you kind of owe me.” She remained silent, but a smile crept to her lips. Celebrate the holidays with me.” The blonde huffed.

“I’d have to go get my dog.”

“I love dogs,” and you did. “We can go ice skating and watch Christmas movies.” You could convince her to walk away from the life she was living. Even when she smiled, she seemed sad.

“I like hot chocolate,” Yelena said. “We better drink it every night if I agree to this.” With a roll of your eyes, you held out your hand.

“You got yourself a deal, Yelena,” she smirked and took your hand. You were surprised at how soft her hand was against yours. Her skin was cold, and you enjoyed how her hand felt in yours.

Christmas Eve

“Are we wearing these?” Yelena asked, emerging from your bathroom in the plaid PJs you got for her, you, and Fanny. The American Akita ran over to her owner. “Awe, you look so cute,” the blonde cooed over her dog. It’s been over a week since Yelena came into your life, and you filled it with everything Christmas and holiday-themed. It didn’t take a genius to notice Yelena’s aversion to the Holiday, but you wanted to give her a Christmas she would remember. So you went ice skating, drank your weight in hot chocolate, baked cookies, and watched the cheesy Christmas movies. It was amazing. You forgot how enjoyable life could be when you had someone else to enjoy it.

“Hey, what about me? I’m the reason she looks cute,” the blonde straightened up to look at you.

“You get no compliments since you are why I’m in this,” you rolled your eyes.

“Just get your ass over here. Your hot chocolate is getting cold.” You heard her run over to sit down next to you. Fanny made her way to the dog bed you got for her. Yelena began to load up her hot chocolate with toppings- she had such a sweet tooth. It was disgusting sometimes. “For the record,” you said. “I think you look cute.” The blush that covered her cheeks was your favorite color on her. As Christmas approached, you weren’t hiding how you felt about the blonde. You openly flirted with her, doing anything to see her blush. Sometimes, she would give it back, come up with her flirty comment, and take you by surprise. Then you thought your friendship with her would take the next step, but she was the one to pull away. It was easy to fall for Yelena. She was witty, beautiful, and understood the horrors of your past. She looked at the world with such childlike wonder and curiosity that you couldn’t help but fall in love with her. You knew you had to be patient, but you feared that she would pack up and leave as soon as the holiday was over.

“What movie are we watching?” She asked, sipping on her hot drink.

“Home Alone,” you answered. It was your favorite movie, so you waited for Christmas Eve to show them to her. You turned the volume up and pressed play.

It wasn’t long into the movie when you noticed something was off with Yelena. Usually, she would be making comments about the plot or the characters. It made you laugh and added to the movies you already loved. Quiet Yelena was never good. She was so lost in her head. You paused the movie. She wasn’t fazed that it stopped. “Hey,” the sound of your voice snapped her out of it. “Where did you go just now?” She sighed and grabbed your hand. You learned early on that Yelena needed physical touch to be grounded. You woke her up from a nightmare, and you were startled when she grabbed onto you. She played with the bracelet on your wrist.

“You asked me a question that I didn’t answer. Do you remember what you asked me?” You had no idea. You asked the blonde many questions about her parents, Natasha, and her life. Some she answered while the others were answered with only silence. She smiled softly. “It was the night I came over and made pasta.” It clicked. She knew you remembered by the way your hand tensed up. “Ask me again.”

“Why are you still in it?” A life that was covered in red. Red was blood, violence, and anger. For the longest time, red was a color you avoided. The simplest of things would trigger a spiral for you. Instead of staring at a ketch bottle, it was a pool of blood from a bottle you used to smash against a man’s head. A no-name man you killed because he was in your way. But he had a name, a family that had to mourn and bury his body.

“Because I have no one to pull me out of it,” she turned to look at you. Her green eyes were glossy with tears. “This life is all I have, so what do I do if I leave?” You used your free hand to wipe a tear down her cheek.

“Let me pull you out of it,” you whispered and moved to sit before her. Her legs were crossed, and you undid them so they rested on either side of you. “And you live.” You answered. “You find out who you are without their claws in you. It takes time, and it’s messy, but I will help you. If you let me,” you raised the hand that she held onto and kissed her palm. There was a slight hitch in her throat. You placed her hand on her cheek, and a shiver went down your spine as her fingers drew shapes on your skin.

“I’ve dreamed of opening a dog rescue,” she said. “I like dogs.” You laughed. Your neighbor had a corgi puppy, no more than a year old. You offered to take the pup on walks now and again, and the blonde was in love with it.

“Oh, I know, sweetheart,” again, the blush covered her cheeks as she guided your face closer to hers. “You’ll have to leave Valentina,” you said against her lips.

“Will you help?”

“Always,” you said and connected your lips with hers. The kiss was slow. She tasted sweet from the hot chocolate decorated with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and sprinkles. The taste was so Yelena it made you sigh into the kiss and wrap your hand into her blonde hair. She pulled away first; your chest was heaving at the relation. You kissed her. You finally knew what it felt like to have your lips on hers.

“Shit,” she whispered. You laughed, head falling on her shoulder. You kissed the skin you could reach and felt her shiver against her. “Come on, we have a movie to watch.” There were other things you wanted to do besides watching a movie you’ve seen a thousand times, but you pulled away from her and sat back down. Surprisingly, she took the remote and cuddled up against you. You put your arm around her, pulled the blanket over the both of you and stole a kiss as the movie began to play. It was hard to pay attention when Yelena was so close to you. “Will you help me get away from her?” She softly asked. You hummed, moving your fingers through her blonde hair.

“Yeah, I will,” you said. “Don’t think about it right now,” you saw the stress in her body and rubbed her temples. “No stress on Christmas. It’s against the rules.” She chuckled, grabbing your hand and interlocking her fingers with yours.

“Merry Christmas, detka,”

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.” You knew very little about Valentina Allegra de Fontaine besides that she was the Director of the CIA with hundreds of contacts. It would be hard, borderline impossible, but you realized who would do anything for the Black Widow in your arms. Yelena turned to look up at you; you were already looking down at her.

“You are thinking hard, dorogoy; I can see the smoke coming out of your ears,” you chuckled and tickled her sides. She laughed, and the sound was music to your ears. She sat up, swung her leg over you, and sat on your lap. Your eyes widened at the sudden action as your hands went to her hips. “Is this okay?” You nodded, unable to find your voice. The movie turned to white noise. “Tell me what’s wrong. I thought you said no stress on Christmas.” You smiled, and she ran her fingertips over the lines on your forehead. You sat up more, wrapped your arm around her waist, and rested your head on her shoulder.

“I’d do anything for you, Yelena Belova,” you whispered, kissing her cheek. “Anything to see you happy.” You felt her hands on your head, forcing you to look at her.

“Don’t lose yourself for me.”

“I already got shot for you; what’s another one?” You teased, but the blonde frowned. “I won’t,” you promised instead. She placed her hand over your heart.

“Tell me,” she said, looking at where her hand rested on your chest. “How did you keep your heart.” You hummed, not fully understanding her question. “You kept your heart good after everything they put you through. How?” You sighed and placed your hand on top of hers.

“I had to keep it good so I could give it to someone,” her mouth hung open.

“I’ll keep it safe for you.” She said, kissing your cheek and then your lips.

“And I’ll keep yours.”

#yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x you #yelena belova x female!reader #black widow x reader #black widow fanfiction #yelena belove x you #yelena belove x reader

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badass-queer-couples-battle · 5 months

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Gay wrongs tournament, round 2 of the losers bracket

Propaganda:

For Vegas and Pete:

Evil babygirl & stealthily evil babyboy. Vegas, known committer of atrocities, and Pete, who didn't rise up the ranks of being a mafia bodyguard for nothing. Never forget how Pete brutally shot and killed his coworker who dared to shoot Vegas in front of him.

I mean. They both kill people all the time. They even have evil gay BDSM sex. It's all right there.

it's plainly obvious to anyone even looking in their direction how murder husbands they are. both have canonically killed multiple people, often on screen. Not to mention the onscreen scene of Vegas literally torturing someone.

For Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu:

you've got the founder of the fantasy ancient Chinese CIA and the leader of what is essentially the mafia and then they're soulmates and in love. they're both willing to kill anyone who dares hurt the other while also just wanting a soft domestic life together

Zhou Zishu is an assassin and spymaster who put the current Emperor on the throne, and then quit his job by faking his death (kinda, hes still dying but not as fast as he was supposed to). Had done A Lot on his old job, including murdering children (more than one, and at least one of them in a way I can't even describe without several trigger warnings), exterminating whole families, war crimes (and i dont mean this in a buzzword way, i mean "organized a public execution of foreign diplomats during war time")… btw he doesn't feel particularly bad about any of this, because he believes it was necessary. Like he wouldn't do it for fun, but he thinks the ends (putting a good Emperor on the throne) justified the means (all of the atrocities). As a retiree, he definitely cut down on the amount of morally reprehensible murder, but not murder in general. He still routinely kills ppl, he just doesn't go out of his way to kill more. Wen Kexing, meanwhile, is the Ghost Valley Master - Ghost Valley being a place where the worst of criminals are exiled. Even in such a place, he has reputation as a complete lunatic, owed partially to the fact that he either skinned a man or fed him his own flesh or both at one point, and partially to him having a rule where he would kill anyone who came closer than 3 meters to him. But in truth, everything he'd done was to survive the Ghost Valley and eventually take revenge for his parents, who were brutally murdered when he was only nine. By the start of the novel's timeline, he put his plan in motion - the plan that would drown jianghu in blood, but also deliver poetic justice to all responsible for his parents' deaths, as well as all who'd commit the same crime given the chance. And these two men, these two murderers and schemers, meet - and unexpectedly, find in each other the person who /understands/. The person who is just as ruthless and whose hands are just as bloody, but also the person who knows standing at the top of the world is not worth it, who seeks the same freedom of leaving it all behind, and who is still, underneath it all, a human, with human heart seeking connection. So you have this couple who understand each other with barely a word, and who want the same things - who are so hungry for domesticity and for people they can just goof around with when all their lives they had to measure every step and word - but ALSO where one half a couple is like "i gotta go murder hundreds in revenge" and the other half is like "ok pick you up at 6". (This btw is why I'm submitting novel's iteration of the couple in particular. Show wenzhou with their ridiculous breakups over morality could Never.) Also they were both hiding who they are when they first met, and later flirted about having figured each other out. Finally, I'll leave you my favorite quote that just. perfectly sums up their relationship: "And just like that, they fell asleep in each other's arms, steeped in the smell of blood."

You’ve probably already had submissions for them but I’ll add on. One of them founded an assassin’s guild and killed a staggering number of people. His malewife is the leader of a sect of insane murderous outcasts, and he attained his position by proving to be the most crazy and murder happy of them all. Most of the plot involves him wandering around watching his schemes get more people killed. Together they adopt a kid that was only orphaned due to said scheming (oops). They’re terrible and I love them.

#losers bracket round 2 #word of honor #kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #faraway wanderers #vegas theerapanyakul #pete saengtham #wen kexing #zhou zishu #wenzhou #vegaspete

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morally-grey-girlbosses · 7 months

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Propaganda under the cut.

Han Sooyoung:

She's the designated morally grey person of her found family (they accepted her reluctantly cuz she did some evil (morally grey) stuff. She literally has to kill the protagonist multiple times (or be the one to take the initiative) because no one else wants to and she's the only one 'evil' enough to do it. She has such an interesting relationship with the 'completely morally good' characters in the story and by interesting I mean so gay and so fucked up! Also she's my cringefail babygirl and deserves to win. Did i mention the alternate universe where she saves everyone by dooming one person but her goal at the end is to abandon everyone anyway? The part where she destroys the world and passively kills thousands of people (they don't just die once either) and makes someone experience literal hell just to save one person... Yeah

honestly she kinda sucks but in a soaking wet cat way (affectionate). she might be a plagiarist but she did it better anyway (rip tls123). she's got a lot of problems, but luckily most of them can be solved by the massive amount of money she makes as an author and celestial twitch streamer, money which she also uses to publically flex multiple times. the first to come to mind is the time she went on a date and he was talking down to her, so she pulled out the keys to her expensive car and said he didn't make enough money for her (or something similar, either way she basically told him to fuck off). the problems that can't be solved by money exist because she is living through the apocalypse, and she's still successful despite that. she started a cult at the start of the apocalypse to make use of her plagiarism, which i think was also just a way for her to survive. she's replacing her smoking habit with lemon candy and we love to see a positive change like that

Nadja of Antipaxos:

Effortlessly girlboss. Bisexual icon that makes me swoon and want to smooch her. Eats people and drinks their blood. She'd have me for dinner and forget about it the next day (valid). Absolute icon and an inspiration to us all

She just is THAT bitch. She does whatever the fuck she wants. Turn a rabdom girl she spent some time with into a vampire? Yeah sure. Make up a vampire nightclub and then steal her own money from it? You go girl. She is a girlbossloser, she doesn't give a shit about it, and then cries about being a girlbossloser. Just. Iconic.

#poll #tournament poll #round 3 #han sooyoung #omniscient reader #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv #nadja of antipaxos #nadja wwdits #wwdits #what we do in the shadows

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zombie-bait · 5 months

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Omg i just realized I have something tiny to add to the whole James Somerton debacle. I'm currently watching the hbombguy vid (as you do when procrastinating assignments) and I remembered something that stood out to me in James' old videos.

So I used to be a fan of his stuff. I am also a fan of Hannibal and IWTV. He made a video covering both so naturally I was very hyped. It was called 'The Gay Appeal of Toxic Love.' The vid itself was fine (I don't remember having any super strong opinions of it besides being excited to hear ppl mention Interview cuz I had recently become obsessed) but one thing did stand out to me. In the IWTV section he mentions Nicki and, naturally, his death:

"After becoming a vampire, Nicky becomes nearly catatonic, and eventually slips away from Lestat entirely. And after centuries of dealing with depression and severe mental illness, Nicky kills himself."

(sourced from this transcript: https://github.com/TerraJRiley/James_Somerton_Transcripts/blob/main/Transcripts/The%20Gay%20Appeal%20of%20Toxic%20Love.txt)

To anyone who's read TVL, I don't think I need to explain that Nicki had not, in fact, been around for centuries. "Nicki had lived to be 30" has been rattling around in my head since I first read it.

And like, obviously I don't expect every youtube essayist to read several long-ish novels to have a full grasp of the series' deep lore, especially when the focus was largely on IWTV and Loustat rather than the entire Vampire Chronicles. Still, it makes you wonder a bit about the quality of the research being done here. You can find the proper info in like, 5 seconds by just going on the fan wiki so I'm not sure what his sources were. And that's the issue at hand, isn't it?

At the time I felt a tiny bit smug recognizing the error but in light of everything that's been revealed, it's kind of telling. I'm not saying this part was plagiarized (I haven't found anything but others on reddit have found issues with different sections of the same video) but rereading the transcript it comes off as someone who clearly doesn't know much about Interview.... It feels like he's reading through a loose summary of plot points rather than analyzing a piece of media that actually means anything to him. It's very much Interview for people who don't know Interview which, one could argue is fair. Especially beyond book one, VC is a niche series and a lot of elements that are important to certain characters or plot lines cannot be summarized quickly for an audience unfamiliar with it. A good writer, who's done a lot of research about the specific topic they have chosen to make a video on, would be able to balance this. There is a LOT to analyze about queerness in VC and its a shame to see one of the more popular queer media channels half-assing it just to churn out videos heavily made up of other people's work. In retrospect he had several videos like that, where he would discuss things like manga/manhua communities while clearly having little knowledge on the nuance of those subjects. He was an outsider who presented himself with a strange amount of authority.

This was content created with the sole intention of propping up queer stories and history, yet it's built off stolen work from queer authors and doesn't actually care that much about exploring the communities it features. Vids like the IWTV one weren't really fact checked because it's only people like me who would might give a shit or even notice anything is off in the first place. There's a bit of a similar vibe in some of his other vids where he undermines the experiences of queer women because he clearly has not taken the time to learn about the nuances of representing queer women in media. These are things that irritated me when I first started to notice them but I put those concerns in the back of my mind because I cared about the topics he was covering and was excited to see these discussions becoming more mainstream.

The revelations of this evening have been disappointing to say the least.

(also for the record I know he made other more recent vids about IWTV but I haven't seen those and even if his account was still up I don't think I would lol

BUT

I did look at the transcript for his 'Vampires and the Gays Who Love Them' video (found from the same link I included above) and this quote about the IWTV AMC show is sending me: "Daniel has never grappled with the complexities of being gay"

Shoutout to straight, uncomplicated icon Daniel Molloy. Devil's Minion was a mass hallucination, spread the word)

#iwtv #interview with the vampire #james somerton #hbomberguy #vampire chronicles #iwtv spoilers #the vampire lestat #youtube #anne rice #queer media

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prettyboyeddiemunson · 2 years

Note

Tell us about more size kink and Eddie pls 👀😁

ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE AKSKDKDKD

okay so i really think his size kink is just with the size of his dick. i know some size kinks can be focused on height and all that in your partner, but p**n star!eddie’s is solely on his cock. i’m literally not even joking when i say that this man is fucking huge. even when you’re at your wettest, it’s gonna hurt at least a little every time he fucks you. the good thing, though, is that he knows how to use it well—he can figure out what depth you’re most comfortable with, what speed brings the least amount of discomfort, what positions work best for you, etc. if you don’t mind pain (a little or a lot), then good news! you don’t have to worry about any of that stuff, and shit is gonna get fucking wild during sex.

but back to the topic at hand. oh man, does he fucking love comparing his dick to the size of your pussy. he’s an adult film star, so obviously he’s seen a tremendous amount of it. he’s fucked them all—tightest, wettest, deep, shallow, you name it. and there’s a reason why his films with the tightest pussies sell the best, because he’s out here bringing the size kink into it. he has a stomach bulge kink to go along with it as well, meaning he loves it when he can see the tip of his dick inside of the woman’s lower stomach. the size kink, the stomach bulge, and the throat bulge from deep throating are some of his best moneymakers, with some of the others being the gay p**n he does, threesome stuff, bdsm (his heaviest bdsm films do better than his lighter ones), and there was even a film he did of him masturbating to a fantasy he had of a really hot woman that sold insanely well. i’m sure you can take a great guess as to why, with everything you know about ps!eddie.

and even in all of those, size kink was often brought up at least once. he would ask if it hurt having such a huge cock inside of them, if their throat hurt from how deep his massive dick was shoved into it, he would slap it against their lower belly and say he couldn’t wait to get into their guts with that thing, that he was excited to see his tip in their belly, the works. i’m sure he’s also going to mention the fact that he gets so swelled up over the fact that such a tiny pussy can hold such a big cock, too. but hell, even that doesn’t compare to the filthy shit he says to you when you guys start having sex.

let me just list a few examples of the shit he would say to you:

“i can see my dick inside of your throat, baby. fuck, i want you to swallow around me. i want to feel just how goddamn full you are.”

“your gorgeous little cunt is taking all of me so well. fucking christ, can you hear how wet she is right now? how goddamn filthy it sounds as i push inside of her, getting her nice and full?”

“your pussy’s hugging me tight as fuck, baby. i don’t think she’s used to having such a big dick, is she?”

“your hand looks so small wrapped around my cock. think you can fit it all in that pretty mouth of yours?”

“look at that bulge in your belly, princess. i’m so fucking deep inside of you right now that i can see it.”

he’s also going to hold his cock up to your pussy to compare the sizes. he’ll slap it against your cunt, reveling in how much you squirm & moan because of how heavy it feels. he’s going to enjoy anal with you, too (if that’s your thing; if not, he won’t pressure or force you to do it! he’s a respectful king, always & forever). but he’s very careful when it comes to that, and doesn’t go too deep because jesus, he doesn’t want to kill you or hurt you badly.

he will also get off so hard on super hardcore blowjobs, because of that damn size kink. he’s so thick that it’s hard for your mouth to accommodate him, so you’re drooling all over the damn place and making a mess that way. he’s fucking into your throat and feeling how tight it is, and will make comments on it the whole time, probably. he will love cumming in your mouth and down your throat, watching you choke on that & on his dick. he loves seeing the spit & his cum dribbling down your chin, some of it forming a thick bridge of saliva from your mouth to the tip of his erection when you pull off. fuck, does he love that sight: you on your knees, covered in so much spit and his cum, your lips shining with all of it, eyes gleaming with lust, desperation written all over your face. all because of his cock roughly fucking your pretty little throat.

and don’t get me started on titty fucking with that thing, either. the smaller your tits in that situation, the more he’s gonna be turned on by it. and if your boobs are too small to fuck, well, you’ve got nipples, right? he’s gonna rub that big dick of his all over them, loving how they harden underneath it. he’s gonna love it so much regardless, because even ps!eddie is one million percent a boob dude—of all shapes and sizes.

#eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem reader

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mulletmitsuya · 1 year

Text

Toman Groupchat (everyone's here again, well most of em)

Warnings: swearing, suggestive, mentions of periods, mentions of drugs, mentions of pregnancy

Desc: Mikey and Izana realize the actions necessary for Emma to get pregnant, and they don't like it (also Yuzuha and Senju r gay, sorry)

Emma: Mikey while you're at the store could you pls buy me pads

Mikey: ayt

Mikey: your pussy size is large right?

Smiley: ayo

Angry: there's a reason for dm guys😕

Baji: LMAO

Emma: :(

Emma: that's not how it works

Senju: me personally, I wouldn't take this level of disrespect

Senju: that's crazy

Draken: Mikey you dumb fuck

Rindou: is that how periods work?

Rindou: the bigger the pussy the heavier the flow?

Rindou: holy shit

Rindou: i'm gonna add that to my new song

Sanzu: why

Rindou: listen

Rindou: "the bigger the pussy the heavier the flow"

Rindou: "no pussy can beat my rap game tho"

Rindou: 🔥

Sanzu: what the fuck

Izana: that may be the worst thing i've ever heard

Ran: no, let him do what he wants

Ran: please rap those exact words on your next gig

Emma: guys can you not I'm already in a bad mood 😭

Hina: Emma-chan do you need me to come over?

Emma: yes pls. we should have a girls day :)

Draken: if you guys need me i'll be at the shop with Inupi and Shin

Emma: okay ❤❤

Mikey: you didn't answer the question bruh

Emma: just take large😐

Izana: why r u in a bad mood I just gave you ice cream

Emma: cause of my period

Emma: i didn't expect it to come

Yuzuha: do you not have a calender

Emma: no it's just i thought i'd be pregnant by now

Emma: me and Ken have been trying for a baby everyday for the last 2 months so i thought it would have worked :(

Izana: k

Baji: r you guys as Emma's older brothers just gonna let this happen

Baji: can't believe you said that Emma

Mikey: wdym

Izana: ?

Baji: Emma just told us that Draken has been blowing her back out everyday for the past 2 months

Kazutora: yooooo

Hina: guys😐

Baji: y'all r tripping

Mikey: ...

Mikey: Ken-chin☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

Izana: what the fuck Draken

Senju: must be nice Emma😊

Senju: great relationship, great house, great penis

Senju: i'm really happy for you guys (when is it my turn to be happy, i'm so sick of this)

Yuzuha: lmao good for you Emma

Yuzuha: and Senju you're literally famous

Izana: i'm literally going to kill you

Draken: ...?

Emma: are you guys serious right now

Mikey: you guys have sex

Mikey: ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

Draken: i-

Draken: she's my wife

Draken: for 4 years now

Izana: what makes you think that means you can touch her???

Mikey: i'ma tell Shinichiro btw😐

Kazutora: someone lost NNN lmao

Ran: only single people do NNN so they can feel rewarded for their virginity and feel like it matters and that it's worth something when it's not

Kazutora: yes

Kazutora: let me have something damn

Angry: i'm the champ of NNN just btw😡💙

Angry: wait that was before i saw Rans message :(

Smiley: sometimes you do this to yourself

Emma: Manjiro get the fucking pads

Mikey: k, but i don't wanna talk to you anymore

Yuzuha: "adult man baby cannot fathom that his sister has sexual relations with her husband"

Yuzuha: is that about right

Mikey: i'm not a man baby

Mikey: does this mean the same with Hina and Mitchy?????

Mikey: 🤢🤮😭😰

Mikey:

Hina: you're just mad cause the only thing you ride is your bike

Hina: i'm sorry i didn't mean to say that

Hina: i apologize 😔

Baji: get it Hina, eat him up

Baji: dumb ass, pubeless ass, broke ass, b.o smelling ass, no bitches ass mf

Mikey: PUBELESS???

Mikey: I HAVE SO FUCKING MANY DUDE DONT PLAY WITH ME RN

Mikey: I'M A GROWN ASS MAN

Baji: yet you can barely grow any hair on your body

Emma: he tried to grow a stubble once and got an infection☺

Kakucho: the same happened with Izana haha

Kakucho: ...i'm sorry

Izana: 100 pushups

Izana: now

Kakucho: Izana please

Kakucho: i just had a gallon of ice-cream

Kakucho: please

Izana: your begging will amount to nothing

Izana: do you want 150

Kakucho: 😞

Takemitchy: leave my boy alone 😕✊

Izana: maybe put on some deodorant first

Takemitchy: ...i don't smell tho

Izana: Hina tell him

Hina: tell him what😅

Hina: there's nothing to tell babe❤

Hina: I love you so much more than anything even

Takemitchy: ...i'll go take a shower😕

Yuzuha: free Hina

Yuzuha: you deserve a woman, they smell nice

Senju: i smell nice😚

Senju: and i'm so smoll

Senju: i'm so microscopic

Senju: maybe we could compare hand sizes Yuzuha🤗

Yuzuha: what r you doing

Baji: why are you acting like a pick me

Senju: cause i want her to pick me tf🤨

Senju: anyway

Senju: Yuzuha☺❤

Yuzuha: uh

Senju: one date?🤗

Yuzuha: uhm

Yuzuha: ykw fuck it, sure ig

Senju: ...

Senju: I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND OMG

Senju: GONNA START A LIVE ON INSTAGRAM

Senju: MY FANS R GONNA BE SO HAPPY😭😭😭😭❤

Yuzuha: ?

Sanzu: poor girl

Sanzu: she copes by feeding her delusions

Sanzu: a shame

Mikey: is that why she's so happy all the time?

Sanzu: yeah

Baji: aren't you delusional?🤨

Sanzu: i'm very normal

Ran: oh please

Rindou: and how exactly do you cope?🤨

Sanzu: i don't need to cope i'm a fucking superstar

Sanzu: also ketamine

Rindou: 😒

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goemon-fan · 6 months

Text

I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible, but this series and it's characters aren't perfect, as well as this fandom. As much as I like Lupin III, there is an astounding amount of legitimate racism, sexism, homophobia (because that's what the gay jokes are), transphobia, islamophobia, and other forms of bigotry within the franchise. Many of the women throughout the franchise were written by misogynists. Many of the gay jokes, including the ones involving your ship, were meant to be homophobic. Not only is there a lack of diversity of different races, but they're often drawn as racist caricatures. Crossdressing characters are almost always evil, and there's a literal crossdressing Nazi villain. All episodes set in the Middle East in Part 2 have been islamophobic. Native Americans are depicted as a joke and as racist caricatures. Sexual harassment is rampant. Some of your favorite episodes have bigoted elements or are inherently bigoted.

This content attracts real bigots. Whenever you see someone in real life or online gushing about the series, it may be because of this content. This isn't even an exaggeration, I've seen bigots in places other than Tumblr state that they love this show. Some of your Tumblr mutuals could be these bigots who love these elements of the show, or who outright don't believe there's a problem with any of this.

Some of you are inadvertently being bigoted. If you're admiring Jigen's misogyny as if it's all a big joke or a quirky character trait, or can only see Fujiko through the lens of the misogynist writers, you're being misogynistic. If you think there's not a problem with the racism and that these parts can "just be ignored," you're being racist. Geralt is not "cute," he's a Nazi. If you legitimately think that the Lupin III depictions of Islamic countries, from the bombings and violence and killings, are accurate, you're being islamophobic.

I'm not saying to drop the show, or that we're all bad people, but we need to start talking about these things. When you recommend an episode or movie, you need to mention if it's racist. When talking about this series, you need to bring up the misogyny and other elements. When talking about your favorite episode or character, you need to acknowledge if something bigoted was said and done within the episode or by the character. You need to make your stance clear on these subjects.

And one last thing, this blog is against bigotry. Please do not interact with my content if you agree with the bigotry throughout this series. For anyone else, please try to make a positive change. I have been at fault and recommended episodes and specials without mentioning these elements, and in the future I will remember to properly provide warnings for this content. Please do not let this community degrade into bigotry.

#lupin iii #lupin the third #lupin the 3rd #lupin the iii

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lowkeyrobin · 3 months

Note

......you already know what....anyway dancer!reader and fuckshit established relationship. Reader has a full ride scholarship to a really popular and well know dance academy but doesn't tell fuckshit because they planned a party to reveal it. Also fuckshit is very supportive of readers dream but he's going through that phase where he feels that he has nothing going for himself....and then you know the crash happens and reader becomes paralyzed from his waist down (i was gonna do from their back down so he grateful lmao <33) and that's when reader and their parents tell the gang about his scholarship and fuckshit just feels horrible.....reader also doesn't want to see him....ilyy

-♣️

♣️ I hate you. you know I know who you are.

FUCKSHIT ; selfish

summary ; you have a full ride scholarship to a dance academy, as gay as it may sound, you wanted to reveal it to your friends after the skate competition, but it didn't go so well

warnings ; language, car accident, mentions of alcohol, & drugs

genre ; angst

word count ; 1.4k

masterlist

Your mood had been ruined today. You wanted to tell your boyfriend and friends that you'd finally got a scholarship to Juilliard, a dance college, a full ride, but you couldn't bring yourself to speak about it. Stevie and Ruben got in a little fight, Ray wasn't talking to Fuckshit since he was wasted all day and embarrassed him. And you didn't want to talk to anyone now, you didn't want to make the situation any worse.

Fourthgrade sits behind Fuckshit, Ruben next to him, and Ray on the opposite end. Stevie sits in the middle console seat on your left, and Fuckshit in the driver's seat. You sit in the front passenger seat, staring out the window, hoping to God your depressed, drunk boyfriend wouldn't kill you all.

Fuckshit was going through a little phase where he felt like he had nothing going for him, feeling as if he were worthless. All he was living for was partying and drugs, apparently.

You'd been sober for a couple months now, learning that throwing your dreams away because you were mentally unstable wasn't a good idea. You cared about your future while Fuckshit didn't, which started some arguments and fights here and there. You were just worried about him in all honesty, and he'd get jealous that you talked to Ray about the future instead of with him. You needed someone to bounce back on and agree with you, not someone to just nod and half ass listen to you. He was supportive of you and your attempt to make dance your career, but sometimes he didn't know how to properly show it.

You'd been trying to help him find a place in the world, to give him a head start like what you had. You didn't even know what you were doing but you were making an attempt at least.

You imagine you were off at your new school, come two years' time, the new environment, the new people, being able to do the one thing you loved more than skating. It sounded like a dream. It still did, really. All that hard work finally amounted to something, something that you could make yourself out of. You fantasize about your career, yet you're snapped out of it, realizing that leaving everything and everyone you knew was going to be difficult and hurt, a lot.

But now, you listen to Ray, trying to convince Fuckshit to drop you all off at home. You roll your eyes, hearing him mumble something about how you guys weren't gonna ruin his mood.

You turn to the curly haired blonde, tiredness pulling your eyes down. "Dude, stop. Just take us home"

"No! Now you're ganging up on me too?"

"I'm not! Do whatever the fuck you want, dickhead. Just let me out" You speak, unbuckling your seatbelt.

"No!"

"Let me out, right now!" You exclaim, pulling at the handle beside you, seeing the sidewalk right outside.

You hate this, you feel like your parents arguing, your friends acting as you, hiding in silence in the back.

"Pull over, please-"

Your eyes reflect bright headlights, blinding you as you swing your arm over to protect Stevie beside you. Your ears are defeaned by car horns and breaking glass.

You awaken slowly, nurses standing over you, one rushing in food to place in front of you. You notice your face is all tingly, and your arms and hands are covered in bruises and scratches.

You talk to the ladies before they disperse and grant your friends entrance to the room, which smelt like clorox wipes, the lighting an eerie cool. The others had some cuts and bruises here and there, but Stevie's arm is covered by a cast, signed by the other four.

You almost gasp as you see him, "Holy shit, are you okay?"

He nods with a little smile, "Yeah, I'm good"

You blink a bit, looking up to Fuckshit who's unable to look back at you. You scan the others, their expressions somber.

"What? Did someone die or something?" You question them.

Ray looks at Fuckshit, slapping his shoulder to deem him responsible.

The blonde sighs before sitting down next you on the hospital bed, fitted with light blue sheets with a little white pattern. He fidgets with his fingers before looking back up at Ray, who raises a hand towards you and mouths something to him.

Fuckshit finally looks at you, biting the inside of his cheek. "Y'know that scholarship to Juilliard?"

"How do you know about that?" You quickly question, running a hand through your hair.

His gaze shifts down, "Your mom came in earlier and yelled at me"

"What's it have to do with my scholarship?"

"...You can't go anymore"

"Why not?" You ask, the inflection in your voice becoming more stern.

Fuckshit looks back up at the other boys, then back to you. "Uhm, you're paralyzed from the waist down. Doctors said you probably won't walk again"

Your eyes widen as you stare at him in silence, thinking this was some sort of prank to make you not as mad at him for the accident, you're unable to believe him. He watches as you try to move your legs to a criss-cross position, but they remain straight underneath the blue blanket covering you. You look back up at him, feeling an overwhelming sense of anger building in your chest.

"What the fuck?"

He's silent, staring down at his shoes. "I'm sorry"

"You're sorry? You're sorry? You're fucking kidding me! You are a fucking asshole! You selfish piece of shit, I fucking hate you!" You yell, your voice becoming louder and louder as you shout at him. "You fucking selfish asshole! You stole my dream from me, and you think 'I'm sorry' is gonna help you? You can't fix a broken body with a shit, half-assed apology. It's about time you learned that"

Ray holds Stevie a little close, seeing his uneasiness in the hospital and while you were screaming at Fuckshit.

After a moment, the blonde begins to fight back, and once he gets a sentence or two out of just degrading you and blaming you, Ray pulls him back. Fourthgrade hugs you, letting you cry into his shoulder while the two teens talk in the hallway. Ruben and Stevie sit on the other side of you, doing their best to try and comfort you.

"What the fuck? What the hell?" You quickly sputter, digging your fingers into Fourthgrade's arms to try and sense some sort of reality to make sure this wasn't some sick dream.

Eventually, you calmed down a bit, and the scrawny boy decides to cheer you up a bit, as you'd ask, with the little movie he'd been making the past couple of months. He inserted the VHS into the player under the TV, and watched your expression go from teary-eyed to a light smile.

Ray and Fuckshit walk back in, looking like the typical mother and child who just got scolded duo. Fuckshit stands awkwardly at your side, halfway hiding behind Fourthgrade in case you regain motion in your legs and tried to pounce on him.

Ray begins, watching Ruben replay the VHS on the TV for you. "Fuckshit has something to tell you" He glares over at the blonde, taking notice of Stevie turning the volume down some so you could converse.

You look up at him, unable to really hold eye contact for long.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got wasted and didn't want to listen to you, and I crossed a major line not letting you out the car and shit... I don't have an excuse for saying all that shit to you a minute ago, but it's not how I really feel, I was... I was just trying to win, I guess" He shrugs, pulling at the ends of his curls a bit. "I know you're never gonna forgive me for fuckin', I don't wanna say mutilate..., like, ruining your life, and that's fine. I just wanna see you happy and succeed and overcome this, and I'm so sorry for taking your dream away, and I am selfish for that-"

"Just get out" You mumble, quickly shutting him up. "Please" You look back down at your fidgeting fingers, resting in your lap. "I need to process shit, okay,? Fuck, I don't wanna worry about this right now"

He nods, stuffing his hands in his pockets before leaving with his head hung low.

#lowkeyrobin #mid90s x reader #mid90s imagine #mid90s oneshot #fuckshit x reader #fuckshit oneshot #ray x reader #fourthgrade x reader #fuckshit mid90s #olan prenatt x reader #olan prenatt #mid90s

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mins-fins · 6 months

Text

EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD.

synopsis: the one thing taerae would always go by is "it's better to kill than be killed". a selfish motif to hold, yes, but in a world like this, where being selfish is the only way to survive, love isn't an option, love shouldn't be an option, and taerae thought that was that, but he sure did love lying to himself, and it's just so disappointing how things turned out.

pairing: kim taerae x male!reader

genre: dystopian au, fluff, angst, heartbreak, strangers to companions to lovers, happy ending? hell no 👍

warnings: mentions of murder, mentions of suicide, mentions of weaponry, kinda hunger games ripoff, talks of death and the afterlife, mentions of injuries and descriptions of bruises, taerae is so gay it's funny, conflicting feelings

word count: 3.7k

notes: THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES WAS SO GOOD HELLO??? it was so beautifully shot and the movie was so good and the actors all delivered none of them missed they said "were getting that paycheck" and they DID! but anyway, can i tell you how much i love dystopian books how did i not read the hunger games sooner like wtf 🙁 i debated for so long on who to write this for and originally i thought gunwook but then i thought of something i think would be smart to put in the story so taerae it is! i hope you enjoy 👍

anyway and all reblogs are appreciated, please for the love of god if you have feedback, even if it was the smallest of it, so tell me, i love reading reblogs and people's thoughts on my fics, please do not be a silent reader 🙁🙏 this layout was inspired by @taeiun (ily)

104 days before.

the first thing taerae did was suck in a breath.

being stuck in an arena, with hundreds of other people, some of them adults, some of them children, some of them barely able to say goodbye to their families, some of them that had nobody left, all here for one reason, all against their own will.

taerae has been through this once before, when he was fifteen years old. it was traumatizing, he barely made it out alive, let alone made it out a winner. the only things he'd ever heard about it was how you had to run, how you needed to make sure you didn't make any close allies, how you should've been careful with who you trusted.

taerae had to learn that the hard way.

and by the "hard way" that equals almost getting murdered by a grown adult for a piece of jewelry.

but that was six years ago, taerae's now an adult, and at least he's alive, it's better than having to succumb to such a ghastly fate, then slowly being forgotten by everyone else who would then come after him.

now he's back, with a newfound anger for the organizer of this "challenge".

so as he glances around, he sighs.

he glances at the paper in his hand, the one he had just crumpled. he brushes the small amount of hair out of his face, and reopens it, looking at the name that scribbled onto it.

the one thing taerae just happened to forget about these games.

he's stuck by someone's side.

he doesn't bother reading the name, just once again crumbling the paper and sticking it into his sweater pocket. he watches as other people begin scattering, trying to find out who their going to be paired with for these.. games. taerae just stands there, like an idiot, not wanting to move even a bit.

in short, he didn't want to have a partner, not just because of prior traumatic experiences, but because he didn't know how he'd fair during these years games. it was difficult to stomach the feeling of being in the games again, and his heart almost dropped when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

a small yelp just barely escapes his lips, and he jumps back, startled. all random touches have always made him uncomfortable, maybe it's just his unsaid paranoia, but he takes a deep breath, trying his best to calm his fast beating heart.

also because he'd just come in contact with one of the most beautiful men ever..

taerae clears his throat, looking up at his new companion (he doesn't enjoy the word that much, but for this guy, he might just suck it up). his new companion who is absolutely gorgeous, if taerae had to describe him, he'd say the word "enticing" is one of the best words he can use.

taerae has met pretty people, he's met several psychically attractive people, and there's a lot of encounters he's had with said kinds of people. he spends maybe two minutes before snapping out of it, feeling his face go red. "i— i'm sorry, was that rude? i apologize if that was rud—"

his new companion snickers, then full on laughs, shaking his head. "it's alright" he says softly, waving his hand dismissively. his voice is what taerae would think touching a cloud would feel like, it's just so soft, so comfortable to listen to.

taerae quickly pinches himself, he can't believe he's having such thoughts about someone he met like two seconds ago!

"um, kim taerae?"

taerae freezes, then nods. the beautiful stranger stretches out his hand for taerae to take, and he blinks for a moment like an idiot, quickly then taking his hand and shaking it. "l/n y/n, nice to meet you".

"nice to meet you too.."

taerae didn't know that taking that hand had practically sealed his fate.

that in 104 days, he'd be regretting everything he's ever done in his life..

89 days before.

one thing taerae has discovered about y/n is that he enjoys taking risks.

the whole point is that they're supposed to survive (at least one of them is), not try to kill themselves at every single chance.. which is exactly what y/n is trying to do. seriously, taerae never knew that people could ever enjoy jumping off cliffs, or just running into danger.

taerae didn't know having a companion meant having to bust out his ass every time he threatens the next person that tries him.

"seriously, do you enjoy being moments away from death?" he inquires, staring at the scab on y/n's hand, he immediately slaps y/n's hand away the moment he tries to pick at it. he earns a frown, and just rolls his eyes.

"don't do that, it's gross".

taerae's tone is stern, straight to the point, and y/n looks up at him when he stands up, walking off to go get something from his backpack. he narrows his eyes at him, and sighs as he sees the one thing he didn’t want to see.

not the bandages— rubbing alcohol.

"one of these days, the officials are gonna find you somewhere and think i killed you" taerae mindlessly comments, kneeling beside y/n and taking his hand, he considers putting up a fight, but taerae doesn't seem to be taking his shit that day, so he just lets taerae patch up his hand.

"i think that'd just certify you as a legend more than anything".

taerae laughs at the words, although y/n winces because he just happens to apply the alcohol at the same time. "your much of a comedian aren't you?" he inquires, lightly glancing up at y/n, but quickly glancing down as to avoid eye contact with him.

"i try".

taerae can't help the smile that crosses his face, but then his face drops at the realization that he's smiling about y/n. that's enough to make him begin questioning himself.

he shouldn't be smiling over a boy, he shouldn't even be thinking about smiling over a boy.

he was here to survive, not make friends, not fall in love.

but oh what a liar he was.

64 days before.

"what are you doing exactly?"

"it's a surprise".

taerae doesn't know if he can take another one of y/n's 'surprises', mostly because said boy enjoys chasing him around with spiders and, worst of all, snakes. he's smacked y/n so many times for scaring him that it's become much of an instinct in these few weeks.

"i don't know if i can trust any of your surprises anymore, l/n" taerae says, watching as y/n hums to himself. he has absolutely no idea what he's doing, considering his back is turned to him, as if he's trying to hide it from taerae. "what are you doing?"

the inquiry just barely makes it to y/n, who turns around, making sure his hands are hidden away from taerae. "i said, it was a surprise".

"i hope your not about to murder me".

"i would never" y/n smiles ominously, and taerae almost feels a bit.. fearful at the look he receives. he blinks away such thoughts, and simply sighs.

"y/n, seriously—"

taerae pauses, especially when y/n turns around and places something on his head. he goes silent for a moment, but then he sees y/n smile, and he blinks again. "what..?"

"it's a flower crown" he says simply, his hands dropping down to his sides. taerae opens his mouth to say something, but closes it again because he's just shocked at why y/n would do this.

it's just.. such a simple yet sweet act? and with the way y/n was staring at him, how could he not be falling in love with him? taerae's inner conscious is practically screaming at him right now, what happened to love isn't an option? he can't believe what he's thinking right now.

a look of shock quickly spreads over y/n's face and he turns around, clearing his throat. "yeah— uh, sorry" he mutters, and taerae simply smiles, feeling his heart soar in a way it never has before.

"no no it's.. pretty i like it" taerae slowly removes the crown, staring at the kinds of flowers that are littered around the crown. he runs his hands over the crown, and smiles once again, it was just something to cherish; something he would cherish for a long time.

"these are daisies right?"

y/n nods, taerae can tell he feels a little embarrassed, especially with the way he's picking at his nails. "yeah um, i know you like them".

taerae gasps, using this as an opportunity to tease the hell out of y/n. "aww you remembered!?"

"don't start.."

41 days before.

"do you sing?"

taerae looks up at y/n, his eyebrow raising at the inquiry. he tries so hard not to focus on the fact that his wet shirt is practically see through, in fact he tries so hard to ignore everything about y/n, worrying he's going to act impulsively and do stuff he can only think of.

"how'd you know?" no seriously, how did he? taerae mentioned playing the guitar as a one off thing maybe once.. he never mentioned singing before, and even then, the idea of singing being interesting to y/n just makes something go off in his mind..

"intuition" he simply replies, sitting himself down besides taerae. he stares at taerae for what seems like a while, and for some reason, taerae pauses just to stare at him too.

they keep having.. moments like this, where they just sit and stare at each other for unspecified amounts of time. taerae sometimes feels like he's fallen into a trap, that this is exactly what y/n wanted to happen, but those are just the excuses his brain makes to try and erase the feelings he's obviously growing for y/n.

he dislikes feeling like this—

but really, can he stop it?

"can you sing for me?"

"huh?"

taerae blinks, staring at y/n like he just asked an insane kind of question. he wants taerae to sing for him? he opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it, because he has no idea how to respond to that. the question shouldn't be so hard to answer, but for him, it is.

"you— you want me to sing?" he asks, taking in a deep breath. "for you?" he points at y/n, who just snickers, laying down onto the grassy field.

"i mean— you have a nice speaking voice, you must also have a nice singing voice too, right?"

taerae stares at y/n, thinking for a moment, then he turns to his guitar that's lying on the ground and picks it up. "do you have any songs in mind?"

"i was hoping that you would have songs in mind.." y/n immediately replies, and taerae gives him an 'are you serious' look.

"at this point i'm going to end up killing you" he says as a joke, positioning his guitar on his lap. the words make y/n laugh, because he's told that exact joke before, he finds it funny that taerae just repeated it to him.

"at least if i die, i'll die having heard your beautiful voice".

taerae scrunches his nose, lightly slapping y/n in the shoulder. y/n lightly squeaks, rolling ever just the slightest and dramatically clutches his stomach, as if taerae had just sentenced him to death.

"shut up before i change my mind" taerae spits out at him, knowing that was such a lie. he looks down at his hand, which is just caressing the strings of his guitar.

how does one even find themself in such a circumstance?

25 days before.

"where do you think we go when we die?"

the question catches taerae off guard. he notices the way y/n's eyes continue to go down, his eyelids are probably feeling heavy, taerae thinks. he's insanely tired, they both are. besides that, he rubs his eyes and patiently waits for taerae's answer.

"well.. i'm of the belief that there isn't really an afterlife" taerae answers. "i— i feel like, in my opinion, it's more comforting that i just get to die, and that's that, i don't know how i'd feel dying then just.. having to open my eyes again".

y/n's face stays unmoving for a moment, but then he smiles. "when i was younger, my mom told me that when i died, my soul would move on, while my body stayed on earth".

"she was never, you know, specific about it, she said some people go to good places and some people go to bad places after they die, but it all depends on they life they did lead, and the life they could've lead".

y/n doesn't look at taerae, instead resorting to picking at his skin, which taerae notices is a bad habit of his. he scoots closer towards y/n and pushes his hands apart, feeling displeased by the uncanny silence that now washes over them.

"your mom.. she sounds sweet" taerae mumbles, keeping his hands on top of y/n's. he doesn't really realize it, though, because it just feels so natural. y/n doesn't usually talk about things like this, he's the funny, comedic, kind of person, he doesn't talk about serious stuff, it's not his thing.

taerae assumes it's the sleep deprivation, the stress, the idea that he or taerae get could killed at any moment gives him extreme anxiety. yeah he tries to pass it off, but taerae can tell, his overprotective nature isn't outrightly obvious, but you can clearly see it in the bits and pieces of his personality that shine through.

he stops with just leaving his hand on top of y/n's, and begins holding y/n's hand in itself, intertwining their fingers, y/n also intertwines their fingers together, finding comfort in the way taerae decided to hold his hand.

"yeah she was, she.. died while a medic in war".

y/n plays with taerae's fingers, taerae thinks it's because he's afraid he'll cry that he doesn't look up, and he gets it, so he doesn't say more. y/n sighs, his voice barely above a whisper. "i don't—" he pauses for a moment. "i don't want to lose you taerae".

taerae's eyes widen, his mind begins racing, his heart begins beating faster, and he feels himself get warmer, despite the cold air that surrounds them. "you've become important to me, i feel like i need to protect you".

the words hit taerae like something he can't even describe, a heavy sigh escapes his lips as he thinks about, and he tightens his hold on y/n's hand. "it's a two way thing you know" taerae mutters. "don't worry, i won't let anything happen to you".

and for once, taerae wasn't listening to his head.

he was listening to his heart.

10 days before.

"the stars look pretty tonight".

y/n reaches over to grab taerae's hand, and tugs him closer, his eyes focused on the sky. taerae looks over at him, staring like he's the most beautiful person in the world, he's grateful that y/n can't just how much he's staring.

"can you identify the constellations?" he asks, and y/n finally looks back at him, closing his eyes as he lets out a laugh. "what? it's a totally normal question to ask when talking about stars!"

y/n shakes his head, then he looks back up at the sky, pointing. "that, is cassiopeia" he states, and taerae narrows his eyes, tilting his head to get a better look at the sky. "or in other words, the most boring constellation".

"cassiopeia? the most boring?" taerae snickers.

"yeah, scorpion is the most interesting one".

"um, no, it's definitely lyra".

"you wanna bet?"

"oh definitely! you'll lose!"

4 days before.

"are we gonna talk after this?"

the question makes y/n laugh. taerae notices that's how he responds to most questions, by laughing, maybe being by his side for about three months now has made him notice all these little things he barely saw when he first met y/n.

the idea of thinking about the future of.. well— them, scares him in a way.

staring at y/n is enough to instantly make him smile, he doesn't know when he decides to drop his whole act, when he decided to stop being so cold, why y/n is the one person that was able to remove him from the shell he once perfectly secured himself in.

to be honest though, he doesn't mind anymore.

"of course, why would we not?"

"i'm afraid you'd be certified too 'cool' for me once we return" taerae admits rather shyly, looking down at the floor despite the fact that he was laying down. y/n laughs once again, tucking taerae's hair behind his ear.

he pats his lap, and taerae lays his head down onto his lap, sighing. "i don't know, people perceive me in such a certain way that i'm scared you will too.." he says, feeling a little better as y/n runs his fingers through his hair.

"well, i know you a lot better than you think, taerae" y/n says, sounding sure of himself. taerae looks up at him, thinking for a moment, then smiling, then laughing.

"you sure do have a way with your words, y/n".

"thank you".

that was when taerae knew.

he was in love.

so in love.

the day of.

"i have a bad feeling about this".

taerae pauses, watching as y/n packs his stuff. "do you know how far astria is? what if you like.. have an accident on the way there?" taerae didn't mean to sound overly protective, really, he didn't, it just came naturally to him, especially when it came to y/n, and now that it was coming to this.

"it'll be fine, rae, you know i've been through worse".

"it's better to be safe than sorry, y/n".

y/n looks up at taerae, a snicker coming to his face accompanied by a smile. "i thought we talked about this yesterday, if you want me to stay, i can" he reminds taerae, the words pretty much echoing in his mind.

of course i want you to stay! but that would be so selfish of me! in these past three months you've never thought about yourself! it would be selfish of me to want you to stay when all you've done is for me..

"no, it's okay" taerae smiles. "it's alright, if it's for your own good, then you should go".

oh who was he kidding?

taerae hated the idea of y/n having to go, yeah they probably would be reunited in the next 10 hours, but they idea of the person he's been with for the past three months suddenly going off on his own gives so much more anxiety than he thought.

but at the same time, he feels horrible thinking like this.

what has y/n ever done but be selfless? even from the first moment they met, had y/n ever thought about himself? no, he hadn't. he thought about taerae and taerae only, he could've left taerae for dead at any moment, there were so many times where taerae felt— no, he knew that y/n was tired, so tired, but he still supported him.

he hates feeling like he's holding him back, like he's the reason y/n can't do more, like he's the reason he can't fulfill everything he's ever wanted.

"don't think so much" y/n walks up to taerae, placing his hands on his shoulder. he stares at him with so much love, that taerae almost considers crying, but he manages to stop himself from coming to tears. "i'm going to be okay, you know i can't be taken out that easily".

"don't jinx yourself" taerae barely manages to get it out, and he feels his voice break. y/n's face falls, and he caresses taerae's cheek, pressing a kiss onto his forehead.

"there's no need to worry about me, i'll be fine".

he had to confirm it twice, that meant he wasn't going to be fine.

and taerae was right, he wasn't.

he just wished he did more convincing and made y/n stay.

7 days after.

"i'm surprised how someone like you survived on their own".

"hao!"

taerae glances between the people, and he just gives an awkward smile. the smallest one of the group nudges zhang hao, who yelps, punching him in the waist. "don't be mean to taerae, he's obviously traumatized" matthew then turns to taerae, and smiles sympathetically.

taerae hates it.

"no i— i actually had a partner" taerae replies. at the words, both hanbin and matthew perk up. "it was a few months we were together before.. well— i don't know actually".

hanbin makes an 'o' shape with his mouth, his gaze quickly softening. hao narrows his eyes, and matthew is simply silent as he stares at taerae, who quickly zones out as he focuses on the mug in his hands. "we weren't informed you had a partner".

"well, he's dead" taerae states without thinking, his voice sounds dead, it's so empty that it's enough to startle hanbin. matthew opens his mouth, unsure at how to respond to such a stern statement. "sorry, was that rude in some way?"

"no no it wasn't rude!" hanbin says, waving his hands back and forth, he's waving them so much in fact, that hao has to put his hands down to stop him from moving so much. "we were just.. startled that's all".

"uh huh" taerae's face stays the same way it was before, and he plays with the spoon in his mug, not even bothering to take a sip of the now cooled tea. "so what? that's all you wanted to know?"

zhang hao opens his mouth, thinking of what he was going to say next, but then pausing to narrow his eyes and stare at taerae's shirt. there's a daisy pinned right to his shirt, just right out in the open, as if made to be obvious. "you like daisies?" he inquiries, looking up at taerae.

taerae doesn't even need to look down to realize what he's staring at, he just closes his eyes. "yeah" he responds flatly.

"my favorite flower".

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