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#not even mcr is putting me in a good mood

shigamochii · 1 month

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Shigaraki Headcannon's Again:

CW: SFW, Slight Mention's of NSFW but it's mostly SFW. Mention's of s/o. f!reader.

★.🩸.★

Music Taste:

I like to think Tomura listens to metal and heavy metal music such as: Slipknot, Metallica, Rammstein, etc. I do like to think he listens nu-metal music as well. (ex: KoRn, Static-X, Nine Inch Nails, etc.).

I feel like Tomura would secretly love pop music from the 2000's or like emo music from that era, it's mostly like MCR. It's hard to imagine him listening to crunkcore or scenecore stuff. I'm open minded with it.

If Tomura has a gf (s/o) he would be happy to share his selection or taste in music with you, he enjoys sharing his interests with the person he truly loves.

Tomura does still wear his usual outfit which consists of his long sleeve v-necked shirt and black pants that reveal his ankles. In his downtime or whenever the LoV doesn't have anything going on, he chills around base in a casual t-shirt and sweats.

If you're wondering.. yes, he wears band t-shirts sometimes. I like to think his most favorite one is Slipknot not only does he like the music/band but likes the shirt designs.

I don't really see Tomura being one to head bang to the music he plays, I like to think he uses this genre of music as a sort of stress reliever, if that makes sense? I do the same thing so.. ya lmao.

Aside from just metal music, I think Tomura would listen to vaporware or some type of synthwave music. Perhaps some 80's pop and rock.

If you and Tomura are cuddling he would most likely put on something more calm and relaxing to fit the mood between the two of you. It wouldn't be much of a good idea to play metal while trying to unwind and cuddle lol.

If Tomura has wireless earbuds or even wireless, he would definitely want to share his earbud with you, again I think the man would want to share his music taste with you and only you. Tomura knows you won't judge him for his interests on anything and he loves you for that, heh.

*Dumb Thought: but if you have a driver's license since y'know Shiggy can't drive because of his quirk or maybe he can, idk. If you're on a drive together, you'll let him play music. Shiggy loves playing DJ in the car. It makes him feel special.

★.🩸.★

NSFW Mention's (18+):

(these might not be good so.. bear with me..)

If you and Tomura are engaging in sexual activities we would most likely play music that's toned down, maybe soft rock.

I like to think one time Shiggy played metal while pounding away at your pussy and after that day you banned him from playing metal while the two of you fucked. You were extremely sore after that day too lmao.

Shiggy loves fucking you to sexual songs and I mean heavily sexual songs like: Closer, Freaky Now, Tonight I'm Fucking You, etc. He thinks it kind of sets the mood to get down and dirty.

I also see Shiggy not playing music all the time, he enjoys hearing your cute little mewls and moans when he thrusts into you, he loves hearing the sounds of his skin against yours. He just wants to hear you in general.

★.🩸.★

That is all l have so far, some random headcannon's based around Tomura and music. I'll try to do more in the future if I can think of any to do, if you have any ideas my inbox is open. If I haven't gotten back to anyone, I promise I'm not ignoring sometimes I'm really unsure on how to answer certain asks in my inbox.

#shigaraki tomura #tomura shiragaki #shimura tenko #tenkoshimura #shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x y/n #shigaraki x you #shigaraki x reader fluff #shigaraki x reader smut #shigaraki smut #shigaraki simp #shigaraki headcanons #mha

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desiredcaramellatte · 6 months

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Could you do some licorice headcanons? (Licorice x soft! reader headcanons if you've done general ones already)

Uhhh I genuinely don’t know if I’ve done gen Licorice hcs yet ngl

I’ll just do general. Hope you enjoy!

Licorice x Reader

He’s a little emo edge boy. If MCR existed he would totally have posters of them on his wall just for show. Tbh he’d probably secretly listen to Katy Perry or Beyonce. But uhh that’s off topic.

Super edgy around you at first. He’s just trying to show how cool and misunderstood he is. Actually a very needy and clingy guy though fr.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone!?” “Alrighty then.” “WAIT THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT GET BACK HERE—“

Very jealous boy. Like if he sees you pet one of the cake hounds running around he will be in such a pouty mood. He doesn’t mind dogs but if they steal your attention then he hates them for the rest of the day.

Actually works a lot. Whatever time you do spend with him will probably be shared with him reading necromancy books and trying to reanimate the dead and summon creatures.

If you ask him then he can probably spare an hour or two without his work. If he goes any more than a few hours and he’ll get really antsy though.

He doesn’t sleep a bunch or eat a lot due to his schedule and just general displeasure in bodily necessities and functions. He will get on to you if you stay up a little too late or smth though, he’s a walking tyrant like that.

If your clothing ever gets ripped or anything he’s actually very good at sewing. His cloak is mainly for the grunge emo aesthetic. He can actually make whole outfits with some time and materials. He likes to randomly knit things for you too. Wear things he made you in public and he’ll be so embarrassed but also so happy.

He generally isn’t used to physical touch or compliments or basically anyone being remotely nice to him so he’ll practically melt at literally any sort of praise or affection. Like you can literally just put your hand on top of his and the blush would be prominent. God forbid a kiss.

He tries to return his affection to you. His main love language is gift giving… expect a lot of bones or reanimated dead animals that you like or just weird little trinket and odds and ends. Also rocks. He has an odd habit of giving you any rocks he likes.

Any lingering forms of physical contact (IE hugging or cuddling or hand holding or even just sitting close to one another) is likely to be interrupted by Bat-Cat plopping their way in between you two in pursuit of attention. Licorice has learned to accept this, though he still gets jealous whenever you give the little guy too much attention.

#licorice cookie #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #cookie run oven break #licorice #licorice x reader #I’ve spelt licorice so many times in these tags I’m starting to think I spelt it wrong #idk #just looks weird to me #hes a weird guy though #but a silly one #so we love him #can you tell its late where im at

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sflow-er · 3 months

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Spotify tag game: Top seven tracks on repeat

I was tagged by @sadhappylady - thank you for thinking of me! I'm starting a new thread because the previous one was getting heavy.

This isn't super accurate as I haven't been listening on Spotify in at least a month. I only really use it on longer bus or train rides.

So...a bit of Daði Freyr there, I've been a fan since he represented Iceland at the ESC in 2021. The Whole Again cover was recorded for last year's ESC and is definitely my most repeated track haha, I don't know why but it just puts me in such a good mood. Also saw Daði live last year!

Then there's some MCR of course, that makes sense. But I have no idea how Måneskin or blink-182 ended up there. They are good bands but I don't even listen to either of them that often! Also, how is there only one Kent song when I frankly listen to them on most rides?! At least it's definitely my most repeated Kent track, but I would've expected more songs by them. (Sad fact: Kent are one of my all-time favourite bands, but I never got to see them in concert! They toured quite extensively in the Nordics but I just never happened to find a suitable date...)

Oh well!

No pressure tags: @scatteredpiecesofme @plantbasedfish @willensimme @palehottubchild @gulliblelemon @bluedalahorse @silvagrey and anyone else who wants to do this! I know some of you guys have been tagged already but I'm tagging you anyway. <3

#not yr #tag game #spotify #seven most repeated songs #thanks again for the tag! 💜

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allalrightagain · 2 years

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Get to Know Me Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @felixantares 💜 🤍 🖤 Relationship status - single. Still passively hoping someone will marry me for health insurance one of these days Favourite colour - depends on my mood, but dark army green, purple, or grey are usually top three Favourite food - if someone else is making it I will literally never turn down red curry + thai roti Song stuck in your head - I Don't Love You by MCR Last thing you googled - uhhh “beta blockers” to confirm that they’d cause more issues than they’d solve Time - 11:11! make a wish (did I write this at work and then wait to post until I got home? Yes. editing on mobile sucks) Dream trip - I’d love to do an extended Europe trip, either backpacking or, more realistically, rent an apartment somewhere and do weekend trips because I do not have backpacking stamina Last book/fic you read - book was still Gideon the Ninth despite being ages ago I still have hope to get to book two. Eventually. last fic has been mostly WIPs— I'm reading along with HPFC Power the Dark Lord Knows Not by @fantismal and Jormandugr, and keeping up with what's past is prologue by quiettewandering/ @wanderingdream, and snippets from seattle by @thesameoldstreets (which is... technically not a fic? but also not really a book? it's OF and I've been screaming about it all week) Last book you enjoyed - see above! I very rarely finish a book I’m not enjoying Last book you hated - nothing I’ve finished recently, but I do occasionally grab ebook samples of uh, questionable romance novels just for fun. Sometimes they’re very good. Sometimes they’re very very bad. Favourite thing to cook/bake - i love baking! I love tinkering with new recipes to make them better/allergy safe/vegan etc. Not sure I could pick just one, but I have very good vegan fudge, soft pretzel, and pie crust recipes (pie > cake, always) Favourite craft to do in your free time - ooh a bunch! Knitting or bujo, but also I own a Cricut and a lot of fancy pens because that's half the fun Most niche dislikes - I’ve been labelled a very weird picky eater, even without taking the allergies into consideration. I can’t stand spinach or eggplant, truffles (the mushroom), and when I could eat them, bacon and most non-mozzarella cheeses. I also only eat peas frozen or in peapods, or frozen blueberries (sorry this turned into just food lol) Opinion on circuses - I had a weird experience with an off duty clown a while ago that’s put me off of them a bit, but in general my opinion is it’s a very specific performance art, which I appreciate but also it’s not really my thing. Do you have a sense of direction and if not what’s the worst way you’ve gotten lost? - yes and no. if I’m actively paying attention, I can usually keep myself decently oriented, but it absolutely takes effort and intent. But also I can look up and realize I haven’t been paying any attention to how I got somewhere and have no idea how to get back 😅

Tagging: uhhh probably all people who have done it already but I don't care I'm gonna make ask you nicely to do it again anyway. @mkaugust @everythingbutcoldfire @lunapwrites @broomsticks @nanneramma

#obv no pressure if you don't want to #you can tell I was bored at work because I wrote way too much on some of these lol #oh well #ask games #ish #food mention #long post #ish again

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annebonnydyke · 2 years

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top 5 mcr songs >:))))

bianca ur killing me here. ok this is entirely dependent on my mood and is incredibly subject to change

mama- yeah yeah im trans and my favorite mcr song is mama sue me. its consistently been my most listened to mcr song for like 4 yrs now. its a good songs and hearing it live was incredible

thank u for the venom- my favorite song off revenge which is also my favorite album. hallelujah lock and load deserves this spot alone. ray toros shredding on his solo? incredible.

demolition lovers- i once listened to this over 60 times in one yr apparently. so. i like it quite a bit. i dont care if u got to hear demolition lovers live for the first time in 19 yrs it shouldve happened to me

you know what they do to guys like us in prison- again! hearing this live! everyone went insane!!! truly a great night for the gays. also im also a big fan of the used so bert mccraken💖

vampires will never hurt- hearing this life was an out of body experience it doesnt even feel real. also i love vampires :) theyre like my favorite type of guy :)

god i feel like im lying. this doesnt even come close to listing my fav mcr songs. even writing this i was like. no but what about this one? i need like at least a top 10 list. maybe even a top 15.

put "top 5" anything in my ask and i will answer

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misspoetree · 2 years

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𝐓𝐀𝐆 (𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄) 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑

@likeabook thank you for tagging me even though I'm truly horrible at reacting to mentions (or doing stuff like this on time). 😅 Likeabook's version is here. 😊

Sooo let's get on with it I guess -

Favourite colour: people keep telling me that black isn't a colour...so I guess not black (even though it clearly is. I heard one MCR song when I was 13 and my emo phase never went away. It only aged like fine wine 😌). Green is also very important. That kind of dark green you see deep in the woods on a rainy day. Do you smell it, that earthy, mossy scent? OH, and I'm obsessed with THAT shade of green - isn't it fantastic? Red and purple also need to be mentioned. That dark red you see in old theaters and cinemas, the colour of the curtains there, the velvet of the chairs. The blood stains on a white blouse, on the hands of the actor on stage. And purple, the light of a neon sign you see on your way home at night, the colour blueberries stain your fingers in. The shade of that cheap nail polish you bought at the drug store and fell in love with.

Currently reading: I saw that text post once that went "reading is like: I've read five books in 3 days; I have not read a single sentence in months" and I've never felt more understood. 😭 Anyways. I'm currently between books. The last one I've finished was Erin Morgenstern's "The Night Circus" and I really, really took my time with that one. Sometimes you need only one page to understand that you stumbled upon something truly special and you just...don't want it to end. Just like all the visitors at Le Cirque des Rêves. The next book I'm going to read is "The Dance Tree" by Kiran Millwood Hargrave. Can't wait to finally start it because Hargrave's "The Mercies" is one of the best books I've ever read. It's just so beautiful, sapphic, haunting and emotionally devastating. I've never stopped thinking (and hurting) about it.

Last song: I've got three songs I'm playing on loop 24/7 at the moment: "Cruel" by Jackson Wang (like Oh. My. God. that comeback was SO GOOD. Can't wait for the release of "Magic Man" in September); "Lift Off" by Labrinth (that man. All of his songs give me feelings I can't put into words) and "Revolution" by Bastille (I've been obsessed with them for 9 years now and I also can't wait for the new songs to drop <3).

Last series: "KinnPorsche". Because. I. Just. Can't. Move. On. 😭💀😭 (And I don't really have time to start a new series at the moment. But maybe I'm finally going back to "Tomorrow". I haven't finished that one yet because I myself was looking for a job at the time and everything just felt a bit too...close to home, you know. 💀)

Last movie: "Thor - Love and Thunder" because I'm still a Marvel Girl after all. BUT: the movie I still can't stop talking, thinking and be annoying about is "Everything Everywhere All at Once". That movie is just...perfection, the most insane, brilliant, silly, emotionally devastating cinematic masterpiece I've seen in a while. Or maybe even ever. I laughed and I cried and I did both at the same time and please, please, please watch that movie if you haven't seen it yet because it's film at its truest form. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Currently working on: I'm working a full-time job for the first time in my life now (I've been at uni before and only doing student jobs) and I'm still...trying to get used to it. It's a lot, ngl. 💀 How on earth do people have jobs, friends, hobbies AND a bearable sleeping schedule?! That's fucking insane to me. 🤯 But enough whining about that. I'm still having way too much fun with my KinnPorsche + Text Post Editions so there are a few more to come. And I really, really, really wanna get back to writing. Because I haven't done that in a really long time and my soul yearns for it.

And now to tagging people, the hardest part. 😅😂

Let's go with @hedgewyse, @ailig, @marshmallord, @a-cookie2121, @grimesdaughter, @mandezp, @luckydragon10, @hiskinndbodyguard and @beckisstuff in case you guys are in the mood to participate and share a bit about yourself. No pressure though. 😊

#about me #tagged #favourite colour #currently reading #last series #last movie #last song #currently working on #feel free to make your own version even if I didn't tag you

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pbandjesse · 2 years

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For some reason the backs of my legs hurt so bad today it was hard to sit or stand up. Laying down and sitting criss cross seem alright. But it did put a little damper on the day. Thankfully it was still a good day.

I slept alright. I felt really stressed when I got up because I had to go back to the dentist. James tried to make me feel better. They made a beautiful blackberry tart. And so I packed one of those in my little backpack. I also had to charge my phone so while I wanted to not bring my backpack I had a lot to hold.

I felt cute today though. I was in a good mood overall even if I was stressed. My legs were really bothering me. Like I couldn't touch my toes my hamstrings were so tight. But we headed out and I would mostly be okay. Except getting in and out of the car. That was tough.

Honestly the dentist went fine. The hygienist I had was lovely and really nice to me.

And the cleaning went okay. Honestly it hurt in places. She was very concerned about my oldest crowns because I like fully tried to get away from her when she tapped in it. Which is crazy because it doesn't hurt? Like I feel fine. But it wasn't horrible. I just wasn't having fun.

She was nice though. We talked about the wedding. I told her our venue has beautiful gothic architecture and she said if she could do it again she would wear a black wedding dress and I was like. Yes!!! My mom vetoed that. But I am walking down the aisle to MCR and she was like. You know I was listening to MCR this morning and they still slap. And I was like you are correct.

She also told me I was hardcore when I told her about the time I had to pull out my broken tooth bits with pliers. Got to keep them on their toes. Dentists.

But at least she didn't make me feel like crap. I did make more appointments to possibly get my one crown replaced but I don't expect I'll actually be able to afford that. Even with insurance I will be surprised.

It was a beautiful day though. And me and James were heading to the zoo!!

We got out there and there was a huge group out front but they were a homeschool group and so we were able to go around them and got in with no issue. Love a reciprocal ticket.

I almost got emotional looking at the prairie dogs again. There were babies!! They were squeezing! And jumping!! It was excellent.

And then we took the historical walk to the rest of the zoo. I really had fun. I dont know if I was showing it much. I was hungry. We would sit and I had my pastry. Enjoyed the nice weather and the lack of crowds. There were babies and nannies and parents and that was fine.

We didn't get to pet the goats but I did pet a donkey. Very soft ears. And we saw a lot of sleeping animals. I wish we saw the otters and bear more. But I got to see so many bats and tree frogs. We also just saw a free roaming deer. It was really just a lot of fun.

We were there for about an hour and a half. I was getting tired though. My legs hurt and I wanted to eat something. Their cafes weren't open today so after we saw the grizzly bear we headed out.

A nice security guard referred to us as king and queen and it made me smile. It was a beautiful day for real.

While we were walking back to the car we got the great news that the kilts are ready for pick up!!! Finally!! So I texted my mom and checked in with her. The plan now is I'm going to to visit my parents and pick up the kilts and do a sewing day with Jess and it just made me feel so much lighter. It had really stressed me out not knowing what was happening with the guys outfits. But things are good now. Hopefully the pick up goes smoothly.

Me and James headed to Hamden to go to Golden West for lunch. We got sandwiches. They have a lot vegan options so I was able to get a BLT and I enjoyed the half I ate. The whole thing was to big honestly. It was a good lunch.

We went to get gas for the car after that. And I just got so tired. My body hurt so much and I just desperately wanted to lay down.

We got back and I got changed and laid down. James rubbed the backs of my legs and it helped but sleeping helped more.

James went for a long bike ride while I slept. And when I woke up they were all smiley and it was just good to see their face.

We ordered pizza for dinner and just had a chill evening. Mostly just watching videos. I packed a little backpack and put out my totebag where I'm keeping my wedding dress. Jess says that is very me. But I'm all ready to go in the morning.

I took a bath with salt and bubbles to try to help my poor body. Helped a little. I also washed my hair and attempted to use my round hot brush to practice how I'm going to do my hair for the wedding and it's not perfect but it worked so well!! Made me feel so pretty and my hair felt so soft. I think with a little more practice this will be perfect. I also need to get some hair spray but that's not a huge deal.

Now me and James are in bed watching scary videos. I have a little juice. I am in a good mood.

I hope my trip to my parents is nice. I am looking forward to seeing them. I haven't seen my dad since his surgery. But he's home now and I am looking forward to spending some time with him and my mom.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Goodnight everyone!!!

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eldritchsquared-albums · 2 months

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Hesitant Alien - Gerard Way

The Bureau - the instrumentation sounds INCREDIBLY sinister. this is like crack to me and im only on the first song. the phone noises near the end are GREAT. i love this. so much

Action Cat - the parts where he goes "said i miss you / say i miss you too" and "do you miss me / cause i miss you" are breaking me right now. the instrumentation is, once again, amazing.

No Shows - this song is going to make me SICK. (/pos) i dont know how to describe this one other than its really really good.

Brother - OH FUCK! PIANO! OH GOD! this one leans into some other genre i cant really describe that the others didnt hit, and i really enjoy it. its not as post-hardcore as the other songs if that makes sense. song about addiction and mikey way i think. good song

Millions - genius says that this one is about MCR breaking up and. yeah. mikey way jumpscare hi mikey. this one sounds really sad in a way i dont know how to put into words.

Zero Zero - back to the genre i expected and its so good. cant figure out what this one is about but i love it a lot.

Juarez - the DRUMSSSSSS AND GUITARRRRRRRRR. this goes HARDDDD. for the love of GODDDDD

Drugstore Perfume - song about escaping. haha. wow (gripping so hard im breaking things) not as hard as the rest of the songs, but INSANELY good. this song is killing me.

Get the Gang Together - OHHH FUCK IT TRANSITIONS!!!!!!!! love the electronic noises in here- TRANSGENDER WOMAN??????? AWESOME. this song invokes a real feeling of growing apart from old friends

How It's Going To Be - the genre here is once again switched and i cant figure out what it is. i like it though. this song is apparently about living past 25 and. yeah thats how it is when you think youre gonna die young. this song hurts i wont lie. FUCK YEAH BRASS SYNTH

Maya the Psychic - i knew ABOUT this song, i just never listened to it. song is really good. mental illness song. a really solid way to end the album, and a really good track in general

IN CONCLUSION - i knew what this album was going to be rated before i even started listening. ive told myself for years, "im going to save this album for when i really need new music to lift my mood." i knew going in id love the sound - mcr is a really big band in my life, i knew that this album would meet my expectations for what id want to listen to. this is definitely what i needed to hear in my low mood.

10/10.

#march 2024 #10/10

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aviel-the-trans-bucket · 8 months

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Welcome back madlads to my journey through the music of mcr members post-breakup pre-reunion. Today we’ll be listening to Stomachaches by frnkiero andthe cellebration. I’m not sure what to expect but I’m in the mood to be suprised, all I know is I hope it rocks my shit.

As I write the last 3 posts in advance at 5 am on a Saturday because my sleep schedule is fucked, I’ve come to realize I don’t have all that much to say. I’m unsure what to expect going into this, but I suppose that’s all part of the journey . Let’s begin this adventure together shall we?

All I Want Is Nothing: ok so far it sounds good, and I’m just now realizing I’ve never really gotten a good listen to Frank’s voice (I haven’t watched any interviews besides solo ones from Gerard 😬). Ok this sounds kickass ngl. I like this it bangs. So I’m liking where this is going, the sound is good and I’m thinking maybe this might be a bit more my speed than hesitant alien was even tho it did grow on me.

Weighted: Song 2 let’s go, ok very moody. Ok this rocks, I dig this vibe. Shit I need lyrics these are audio only and I have processing issues. Ok I like this it’s nice, it’s not quite blasting my tits off but I feel it in my bones this album has the potential to.

Blood Infections: ok this bangs, I’m really digging his moody vibe. Oh shit yea no this fucks. I dig this, his voice kinda hot ngl 👀. So this one did tickle my brain good but still not punching me in the face.

She's the Prettiest Girl at the Party, and She Can Prove It with a Solid Right Hook: oooo tasty guitar opening. Aw this is pretty. This is really sweet, I like this. Just a really cute vibe, fuck yea man. I love songs dripping with just this tenderness.

Stitches: ok sick beat, this has a vibe I feel like I’ve felt before but I can’t put my finger on where. It’s vibes, it’s a banger. It kinda fucks, it’s a headbanger for sure.

Joyriding: ok I like the rhythm (I’m only doing audio but I’ll probably go back and and watch the music videos) oh shit this is what I was waiting on! This one blasts my tits clean off! Fuck yea!! Yea this one fucking slaps!

Stage 4 Fear of Trying: oooo guitar beloved. Oh damn the vocals are a bit cleaner and he sounds nice damn. This is a feelings song isn’t it, shit. This is gonna be one that makes my emotional wounds sting. The music is fucking gorgeous tho, and he sounds great.

Tragician: oh fuck hell yea! This bangs out the gate, also for like half a second the guitar sounded like the opening to I’m not okay. Yea this is sick, you can really rock to most of these but especially this one.

Neverenders: ok this is looking like bangers all the way down. This slaps, but again joyriding was the only one to get close to the music feeling like it decked me in the face. It’s great but not quite obliterating me y’know.

Smoke Rings: oh opening was fresh, that’s nice. Ok it does bang, but I’m bad at descriptions but it does bang different from the last 2. It’s sick af tho.

Guilttripping: ok this is nice. A bit of a slower tempo. I don’t have a whole lot of thoughts on it. It’s a nice song, I’m neutral on it.

Where Do We Belong? Anywhere But Here: oh I heard that note. Does guilttripping lead straight into this song? Raking strings and grainy audio, sick. There it is! There’s the punch in the fucking face! Goddamn!

So the album was, good. I liked most of the songs but for most I don’t feel particularly strongly about them. I think in my own opinion it did kinda get a little stale towards the end before the last song went hard. It’s a good vibe and I do really like his voice but idk. My top 5 of the album would have to be…

1: Joyriding

2: Where Do We Belong? Anywhere But Here

3: Tragician

4: Stitches

5: Weighted

Well first album down and I’m excited for more, I wanna see if he’s got a song that’s really gonna blow me away. I’m honestly starting to understand the picture a bit more, what makes mcr so appealing to me is it’s some of the best of all of the members at the same time. One of my favorite songs of Gerard’s solo career was the hazy shade of winter cover with Ray. I’m honestly a bit worried to really wow me it’s gotta be all 4 of them. The next post will be the keep the coffins coming ep and parachutes album, see you next time madlads.

#aviel rambles #my bullshit #frank iero #frnkiero andthe cellabration #aviel listens to solo content (made during the mcr hiatus)#I’m catching up on old mcr stuff in the off chance they drop a new album post return #stomachaches

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wintergirlanonymous420 · 1 year

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Borderline Personality Disorder: pt.1

BPD: A mental disorder characterized by unstable mood, behavior and relationships.

In June 2022, I was diagnosed with BPD. I was 26 years old, feeling like I had had a moment of clarity. Finally, some understanding to the burning inside of me. The void of emptiness.

BPD can develop from trauma.

Growing up, my nervous system has been in fight or flight. I actually don't think I can ever remember a time when it wasn't. Mother and Father, screaming at each other, for hours on end. Money, me...those were the problems. Sometimes, I would get scared something bad would happen. Like my father would try to hurt my mother, or vise versa. Sometimes, I would get in the middle. Making my mother and father hate me more. But I have always been the type to stand up for anyone.

My older brother spent most days, shut up in his room, crying, over the daily fear we experienced. I would also cry in my room, but at least I had my Barbie dolls.

Barbie dolls were soon replaced with black clothes and MCR cd's.

My mother and my brother were my first bullies. I was born premature, shoved in an incubator, with only female nurses to hug and kiss me for 6 weeks. No wonder why I'm attracted to women.

The doctors said I had separation anxiety, I was literally born terrified. Nothing has changed. My attachment style was never secure. My mother focused more on my brother, as he was perfect in her eyes compared to me. I wanted her love and attention, but all she'd do is call me a shrill shrew. My brother would chime in "yeah, you are"! I felt completely alone.

I didn't understand, why when I was sad or upset, my mother would put me in my room for a "time out". I would peek out my bedroom door, peering down in the living room. My mother, brother and father were downstairs together. Mother and Brother cuddling, all eating dinner and watching a movie together.

They seemed happier without me, and I didn't understand why I couldn't be a part of family time. What was wrong with me? What did I do? Why don't they love me, or miss me? Why don't I get to eat, too? Am I a bad girl?

Honestly, they were probably used to their routine. The routine where I don't exist. The one where I had been in the hospital for 6 weeks. Growing lonely. Feeling abandoned. It also hurt that they could abandon me; as if I was see through, a ghost whom never existed.

Naps always scared me as child. I was afraid I'd go to sleep, my family would me gone; baby left again, but not just in the incubator. In every sense.

When I was very young, my father would garden with me, and every summer, we'd pick blueberries, raspberries, black berries and Strawberries. The irony is that those are my favorite fruits. Huh.

My mother would get angry at me and my father for spending time together. I'm not sure if she was jealous that I loved him more. Or if she was jealous that he loved me more.

There were things going on in the dark, though. Things that broke me, things that seeped back into my memories; denial, even though deep down, I knew the truth.

Maybe my father did love me more....but what is a father's love, exactly?

I feel that the adults perhaps were in cahoots.

Once I reached a certain age, about 11 years old, my father didn't love me anymore. I remember when he screamed at me, saying one day I'd end up like all the young celebrities of the early 2000's; a whore with no future, other than maybe making a sex tape. Because being a slut was all I was good at. I didn't understand at the time what any of that meant.

It was still, after all, the age where I was young enough to still be wearing Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen training bras, back when they had their own clothing line for girls at Walmart.

My mother took off with that notion, and used it for her own, sick entertainment. Growing up, I went to a school that was k-12th grade. All those age groups, in one, tiny church being used as a school. By eleven, I was thin, pretty. I had told my mother about the high school boys who were saying things about me being pretty. She saw this as an opportunity.

For the next years of my precious childhood, she convinced me that I should lie to these boys and tell them I was 13. Whenever any 16-year-old would ask to date me, I would tell my mother. As she brainwashed me into telling her everything. She would tell me to say yes to them. I did, she said it was okay because I "look older", or that I "look like a college student" and that "no one of any age can resist me".

Eventually, these boys would find out I was 11, not 13. They'd break up with me, abandoning me. I didn't understand why, my mom told me I was old enough to date them, that "age is just a number"; just as long as I show/tell her all the dirty details. I cried to her, and asked why they didn't like me. She would say things, like:

"Maybe it's because you don't put out". "Maybe it is because they like brunettes and not blondes". "Maybe they think you're too chunky.". "Maybe they think you're too skinny". "Or maybe, they just think you're not sexy enough.

This was also the Myspace era. All of my older friends had a profile, so my mom said I could make one, as long as I'd show her what I was doing. I didn't understand what social media was; that it was supposed to be an expression of individuality and freedom.

My mother filled out all my profile info, telling me she knows more about me than I know about myself. I still wanted a little sense of independence though, as I was always a good noodle. I wrote down my log in info, and kept it secret in my Twilight music box.

My mother found it, used it, and screamed at me, when I caught her. She was catfishing boys on my profile. She screamed about how she thinks I'm hiding things from her, and that I'm making her feel like a bad mother, for just "doing her job". She proceeded to scream that I was an ungrateful brat. Then she ignored me for 5 days straight. As if I was a ghost who never existed, not even allowed to eat. Starvation became my punishments. Years later, it would become my comfort and only friend.

I remember the time, she made me talk to this older, bad boy at school on Myspace. My mom was convinced that he was in love with me. She told me to send a message that said: "Decode this! : IWYTBMBFRN". I didn't know what that meant. He replied "no thanks". Later, I learned to decode those letters, meaning: "I want you to be my boyfriend right now". I felt so embarrassed, especially by the rejection and shame of doing something that I didn't want to do.

When I cried to my mother, she laughed and told me all the high school boys couldn't resist me, and if I wore a black mini skirt and fishnets to school tomorrow, that I'd have plenty older men/boys, "drooling" and "foaming at the mouth over me.

I never even knew how wrong these things were. She'd even write all my Myspace blogs, mooning over all the older boys I'd lost; hoping they'll read it, and be so impressed by her daughter, that they'd come back, drooling enough to cause permeant dehydration.

It was around this age, that my depression hit hard. It never went away, it just kept being added to.

When I was in 8th grade, actually 13 at this time, an older boy showed me his wiener for the first time. He even sent me pictures, which my mother excitedly made me show her and said, "look at that hotdog"!

When that same boy said he wanted to go to 3rd base, my mom said "let him". I did in the upstairs of the church, the feeling of the sharp nails penetrating. Suddenly this familar feeling, put me back to my uncomfortable early years. But why? How? I knew somewhere deep down, but I denied and hid it away back then.

When that boy didn't like my pubic hair, my mom bought me razors and nair. When that boy said he wanted me to give him a BJ, my mom said "do it"!, and bought me a strawberry flavored condom. After, when the boy said he wanted to have sex, she went and bought me a big vibrator, to "stretch me out". She'd tell me to go into my bedroom and use it and tell her how it went. I told her that it hurt and didn't fit. She told me to try harder. I didn't, so she hid the big vibartor under her bed and got angry at me for her "wasting money" on something I "won't even use".

Lesser offences, like the time she tried to kiss me when I was 10. Just to see "what the boys get to feel and experience". Or when she'd read my diary, being angry for my sad poetry and drawings. She'd scream at me that I was hiding things from her. In reality, I hid nothing; when I would have been safer if I should have.

*To Be Continued*

#mental illness #creative writing #fiction #depressing shit #nonfiction #mommy issues #daddy issues #childhood trauma #ptsdsurvivor

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rocketdive · 1 year

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mcr/bmth report (kinda)

wall of text under cut

also no, this wasn’t we were young fest

queueing so i can think about it later

mcr finally happened after hanging on to those tickets for 2 years

Honestly was not expecting them to be so incredibly good live, idk what i was thinking

i also went to do something on the way to the concert and ran into someone i kinda know

ootd: (when you wanna be a nerd at 6pm, but have an mcr concert to attend at 7:30 pm)

too lazy embarrassed to do emo makeup in public

also fuck when i got to the venue i probably chose the longest line for the loo and the slowest merch line

really wanted to get that bag (and i did)

got a bag for me bag as well

talked myself out of getting a shirt tho

was it worth 1.5 hrs tho

literally was in the merch line for both openers

also me yelling at one of the dudes to get the plastic merch bag XD ...because he was about to refuse it

when i finally found my seat, at least the girl in front of me was totally rocking out / seemed pretty cool even tho we didn’t talk

we didn’t get gerard way’s fashion show (i think???) for my date, but dad hat came out

also i am not used to his speaking voice

Gerard way has some absolutely feral screams

^ an entire mood

He had some programming thing to add microphone effects, which was cool

Also the whole time i was just like…. I’m also in the same room as frank and mikey and ray!!!!!!

(lmao finally seeing thee mikey fucking way in the flesh)

Ray jumping around

Ray kneeling while doing his guitar thing at the end

There was that one song where gerard was trying to get ray to sing along as well

we also sang happy birthday

stoked that we got vampires for that date

Backdrop changed 3 times? There was 1st to curtain drop reveal of the backdrop, and then lights on for the backdrop

ALSO HOLY I DIDN’T REALIZE THE ENTIRE SET WAS 20 SONGS NO WONDER IT FELT SO LONG

didn’t run into my brother’s ex lmaooooo

honestly was kinda saving energy for bmth / made the wrong shoe choice and entered me back hurty time :c

anyhoos

bmth was really good

like REALLY good

i think that might be an understatement

tb very h i enjoyed bmth more than mcr

their video was ON POINT

Like at points they instructed the crowd to form a pit or sit down

"Illegal substances are strictly prohibited, please consume them immediately" (something along those lines)

honestly really glad that my friend was being an enabler / & that i actually went

Was watching some recording of the NY show and they didn’t have confetti to open

Also the confetti was heart shaped (but i couldn’t tell from where i was)

And then red streamer confetti during throne

at some point, oli acquired a light up devil horn headband and he put it on

It also flashed

Oh apparently oli had bloody makeup or something but obvs couldn’t see it

the girl next to me was really cool! and peeps in front of me were totally vibing

Can you feel my heart into happy song is such a mood

Ngl, the newer songs / post that’s the spirit were kinda…weaker with the crowd

Except maybe teardrops? Dear diary? Maybe parasite eve?

Sandpit turtle shadow moses was so good live

Kingslayer was a rave / literally oli calling it a rave song

Also not me and temp concert buddy doing the babymetal parts of the chorus lmaooooooooooo

Accidentally butt recorded most of diamonds

Also wtf they played diamonds

(i cannot remember lyrics part 65431235768767)

Follow me was acoustic

Lgbtq flag ^

Forgot which song towards the end, oli was telling people to get on each other’s shoulders

Mosh pit for knocked loose was just as described/expected

Literally first song starts and their vocalist is calling for a pit

imo, GA went harder in the pit during KL than bmth

i’m going to put “saw kl live and was completely ok” on my resume

ok coz everyone talks about how ridiculously chaotic kl is, to make an analogy in terms of spice tolerance level, -> handling the spice level is not an issue for me, it’s just not a flavor i really like or dislike, but also a flavor that i would be ambivalent about/wouldn’t mind trying again IF it just happened to present itself to me (as in, i wouldn’t go seeking it out, but would be down if it was just readily there)

Honestly the pits during bmth looked weaker than the ones for KL

esp the one where oli was doing the whole “PUSH IT BACK YOU PUSSIES”

(also for the record i did not get a GA/pit ticket because i am a pansy / was recovering from mcr/ I’M GETTING OLD)

i didn’t realize Grandson was so openly political

I think some dude in a wheelchair crowdsurfed during his set?

Siiickbrain had some pretty sick vocals / screams

10/10 would do it again

#mcr #bmth #thank you for coming to my ted talk #where i ramble #A LOT #putting this in the queue so that it pops up when it does

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

Danger days - Chapter two: "I'm the kinda that you wanna"

Pairing: Matthew Gray Gubler x OC + My Chemical Romance.

Word count: 5.5K

Summary: Joey faces MCR after their awful first meeting. Matthew supports whatever she decides to do with her life. Gerard is still kind of an asshole, and Frank tries his best to be a better person.

Warnings: Cursing.

A/N: WOW!! I can't believe you are actually reading this!! thank you for the love!! I was gonna post this tomorrow, but... here it is.

Masterlist

::: Los Angeles, October 14th, 2010 :::

Mikey ate his breakfast alone, sitting at the kitchen island. He was thinking about the daily schedule, the band's upcoming tour, and clearly, the severe problems in his marriage, the one subject he kept trying to avoid.

His wife was still asleep, and he didn't want to be around when she woke up. He knew it only meant another fight. Whenever they were in the same room, it always meant an argument, and Mikey was tired of it all.

It was clear they had to get a divorce, but neither of them had brought it up just yet.

He and Alicia had grown apart in the latest months. It was hard with him touring for so long and his wife staying home, persuading her own future in the music industry. And after so much time apart, they were both tired of trying. It just wasn't working anymore.

Frank and Ray were staying at the same hotel. They drove together to the practice studio, doing their best to agree on their ideas about Joey. But they weren't really on the same page at all.

- "Just don't be an ass, ok?"- Ray said when he parked outside the studio, and Frank immediately lit a cigarette.

- "Yeah, whatever,"- Toro got out of the car and closed the door, staring at his friend leaning against the wall to smoke alone- "I'll be right there."

Iero grabbed his phone and read the messages in a vague attempt to think of anything else. But that didn't help at all; Joey parked her car just before him that very second.

- "Shit!"- the two of them said at the same time. Frank put on his dark sunglasses, and Joey grabbed all her things from the passenger seat.

- "I can't catch a break!"- she argued as she opened the door and decided to get over the horribly awkward moment- Hey!- she smiled and waved as Frank nodded- "How are you?"

- "Good, you?"

- "Good..."- and it was still awkward- "So, thank you for inviting me again,"- and Frank nodded again, not saying a word- "I'll... head... inside then."

Joey tried to smile, but it was too uncomfortable to bear. So she ran away.

- "Did you catch the game last night?"- Mikey asked as he sipped his coffee, while Ray grabbed a guitar and started tuning it.

- "No, I played video games until late."

- "What are you playing?"

- "Red dead redemption"

- "Cool, and Christa?"

- "She's back home with her parents,"- Ray kept turning the guitar and never noticed Mikey's sad face- "And Alicia?"

- "She's home. She was sleeping when I left."

- "Is everything ok?"

- "Yeah"- and again, Ray was so concentrated on his guitar, he didn't catch a glimpse of Mikey's sad look.

- "Hello"- Joey walked in, and the two guys smiled- "Am I too early?"

- "No, you are just on time,"- Ray stood up and grabbed a cup of coffee- "I got you this."

- "Oh! thank you!"- Joey was surprised by the gesture- "You shouldn't have."

- "I owed you,"- Toro kind of blushed as Joey held the cup and took a sip.

- "Black, no sugar. How did you know?"

- "I didn't know if you liked cream, and I got a lot of sugar on a side"- Ray quickly answered and showed Joey a bunch of sugar bags on a tray.

- "You nailed it."

- "Hey"- Mikey kinda whispered in a low voice- "I'm sorry, I thought you were getting us coffee and stuff yesterday."

- "Dude, it's ok, don't worry,"- Joey smiled and kept drinking her coffee- "Now I know if I get the job, I can get you black coffee with almond milk to brighten your day"- and he chuckled.

- "And thank you for coming over again."

- "My pleasure,"- Joey answered and stayed quiet looking at the two guys- "So... I saw Frank outside."

- "Yeah, he was smoking, and Gerard should be right here by now,"- Mikey took a look at his wristwatch. It was almost noon, and he knew his brother was going to be late.

Gerard was driving and smoking, trying to devise anything to avoid going to the studio and doing another audition with that woman. He didn't want to. Why? Way really didn't know. It was something inside of him that made him feel like he should stay the fuck away from her 'cos something terrible might happen. And he didn't want to find out what it was.

- "Hey"- Frank waved at Gee when he walked out of his car- "You are late."

- "Yeah, I didn't want to come,"- and Iero chuckled- "What are you doing here?"

- "I didn't want to get in just yet."

- "Is she here already?"

- "Yeah... she got here all happy like fifteen minutes ago."

- "Fine... let's get this over with,"- Gerard walked in and did his best not to look annoyed, which was virtually impossible, 'cos he couldn't stop frowning.

As soon as they walked into the studio, the image was Joey, Ray, and Mikey laughing like they were already best friends. And that got Gerard even more upset, if possible, and because of no reason at all.

- "Hey!"- Mikey stood up and hugged his brother.

- "Hi, nice to see you again,"- Joey reached out for Gerard's hand and smiled to do the same with Frank.

- "Thank you for coming,"- he whispered and cleared his throat. The drummer looked around at the band and started the speech she had prepared in her mind the whole morning.

- "Guys, I just wanted to clear the air here. If you don't want me to do this and you just called 'cos Tucker asked you to, there's no need to go through all this shit. I can go home, no hard feelings or anything"- and the band stayed quiet. Ray looked at Frank and waited for his words.

- "Joey, we just... why did you call Tucker? that was so rude!"

- "First of all, I didn't call him, he called and annoyed me for ten minutes before I told him what happened. And second, you were rude, you barely looked at me, you didn't even pay attention to what I did, and you clearly made up an interview to ask me to leave."

Joey directed those words looking right into Gerard's eyes and just spit the words, knowing that wasn't really gonna help her get the job.

- "Tucker didn't really lie, guys,"- Mikey said and tried to ease the mood- "You were rude at her, and I'm sorry to tell you, she's the best we've had so far."

- "Do you honestly think we can work together after what happened with Tucker?"- Gerard asked her, and she shrugged.

- "If you deal with the fact you were rude to me, then yeah, I've got no problem with it,"- and Frank huffed at that answer.

- "You made us look bad in front of a friend."

- "No, you looked bad in front of me, and when Tucker asked how had it been, were you expecting me to lie and tell him it was awesome? come on!"- Joey frowned, knowing that ship had sailed already- "This shit is high school all over again!"

- "I feel the same!"- Ray said and stood up- "Ok, let's get this straight, you two were assholes! And that's the main problem here! if she did or did not call Tucker to tell him about it, that's not the point!"

- "But dude!"-Frank tied to argue, but Ray stopped him.

- "No! this is our job, and we have to be professional. So now you are gonna be a grown-up, and you are going to apologize for being an asshole with no reason to her, 'cos she just came to apply for a job, ok?"

Ray looked more like a dad than like a band colleague at that point.

- "Sorry, Joey"- Frank whispered and looked down at his shoes. Ray looked at Gerard and raised an eyebrow

- "I'm sorry I was a jerk"- he mumbled

- "And I'm sorry I told Tucker you were assholes. He was really excited about the audition, and he was just trying to help me out. It clearly didn't work out, but he meant good."

Joey tried to be as nice as possible, thinking shit had gotten way too bad to even think about playing with this band.

- "Ok, now I'm gonna go so you can continue your drummer hunt."

- "Wait!"- Mikey held her arm and cut her a smile- "You should jam with us for a while."

- "I don't think that's a good idea. This got too complicated. And whether I'm good or not, I don't want this to be awkward for you. You are looking for someone to work with, it's your band, and you should be comfortable with who you choose."- Joey smiled and grabbed her bag- "I just wanted to thank you for apologizing and for caring about what happened. I'm gonna tell Tucker you are all very nice."- she joked, and the band looked at each other.

- "No, really, stay. We didn't ask you to come because of Tucker. We did it because we really want to give your audition another go,"- Frank's word surprised Joey. She wasn't really able to say a word back; she just nodded and smiled.

- "Great!"- Mikey clapped once and grabbed a bunch of papers from his bag- "I printed you some of the sheets of our songs,"- Joey held them and read them

- "Cool"

- "So... wanna warm-up?"

- "I already played two hours before I left the house."- she whispered, embarrassed of her confession- "Sorry, I just have this weird routine. I work out, eat and play in the early morning, just to get me through the day not killing anyone."

And Mikey chuckled. Frank kinda bit his lips to don't smile. He found it funny.

- "Great, then let's set us up,"- Ray smiled and walked to grab his guitar- "We remembered you were left-handed, so Mikey and I rearranged the drum set for you,"- Gerard raised an eyebrow staring at the scene.

- "Why is Ray so nice with her? Is he crushed on that girl? no way! he is a married man! married guys don't have crushes! it is impossible".

Joey read the music sheets and nodded. She had studied most of the songs, and though she had never been a huge fan of the band, she liked it enough to easily follow the tempo of each tune.

Gerard looked at her playing and hated the fact Mikey was right. She kept following each change they were doing and even threw a few herself that worked perfectly. He hated it 'cos she made it fun, and he wanted to hate her. Very childish of him, but yet, that's how he could describe it.

Frank looked at Mikey and then at Ray as they all played "Thank you for the Venom" and knew in his guts this was it. Musically this is what they needed. And also knew it was a shitty situation 'cos he had already made an enormous fuss and didn't really know how to fix it.

- "Shit!"- Ray said as soon as the song ended.

- "Yeah, that was great."- Gerard said and smiled. He knew he couldn't get away with it. Shit worked. And it worked awesomely- "Can we do "Parade"?"

- "Sure, just let me read it first. That's a long one,"- Joey said and grabbed one of the sheets. Mikey walked to his brother and raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to admit it.

- "I hate you."- Gerard whispered.

- "I know, just say it"

- "No"

- "Say it"- Mikey raised an eyebrow and kinda chuckled.

- "You were right. She's good,"- Gerard whispered, and his brother nodded.

- "God damn, I'm right!"

- "Ok, let's do this before I totally forget it..."- Joey said and smiled- "And who's gonna play the G note?"- the whole band stared at her, and she shrugged- "G note, not G spot, don't get scared"- Gerard chuckled, and he hated himself for it- "Come on pervs, let's do this!"

Somehow, Joey felt a little more in place between the guys, probably 'cos being a drummer, she was pretty used to hang out with men, from her teachers to classmates. She used to have girl bands growing up, but she found it easier working with guys professionally.

- "So, lunch?"- Ray asked and left his guitar aside. They had been jamming for over two hours.

- "Nice, I'm starving,"- Mikey did the same and turned to Joey- "Wanna come?"- she froze and looked at the whole band from behind the drums- "We are gonna go grab something to eat."

- "Yeah, then we can continue the practice,"- Gerard added and walked to the door. Joey kept in silence and looked at Mikey, smiling sweetly.

- "Ok... sure."

- "Great!"- Ray smiled- "Come on, are you a fan of Indian food? There's a fantastic place a few blocks from here!"

Frank sighed and walked outside to light a cigarette. He was sure Ray had a thing for Joey, and that upset him, most of all 'cos, just as Gerard had thought, Ray was a married man, and a happily married man, he shouldn't care about Joey that much. He was way into making her feel good. And that made Frank uncomfortable. And most of all, like a jerk for being mean to her in the first place.

- "Hey"- Joey appeared by his side all of a sudden and scared the shit out of him- "Sorry!"

- "I didn't know you were coming behind me."

- "Everybody had to pee. Apparently, they all have a small bladder,"- Frank grinned, lit a cigarette, and offered Joey one- "Thanks, I quit a few years ago."

- "Really? why?"

- "'Cos I stopped breathing... and found out I was asthmatic, which made total sense when I gave it a thought"- Frank nodded.

- "I shouldn't smoke either. My lungs are shit; I'm a bronchitis magnet."

- "I feel you"- Joey opened her backpack and took out her coconut butter hand cream. Frank looked at her and sort of smiled.

- "Do you want some? it's gonna be good to keep those tattoos from washing away"- Frank left the cigarette on his lips and grabbed the cream.

- "You are not even in the band yet, and you are making me use hand cream."

- "Tell you, what if I get the job I'll make sure I'll keep you moisturize every day,"- the young woman winked at him and saw the rest of the band walking towards them. She didn't notice Frank's face, who had turned purple after those words.

Matthew took a look at his clock as he walked outside the set. Joey should be back home by then, so he dialed her number and waited.

- "Hey, Akumu!"- he heard Joey's cheerful voice at the other side of the line and smiled.

- "Hey, Yami! How was it? Did you get the job? were those guys nice to you? are you ok?"

- "You are not gonna believe this, but we talked about it, and I have the feeling things are pretty much clear between us."

- "That's great, dorky! What are you doing now? are you back home?"

- "No, we came to grab something to eat, and then we'll continue rehearsing."

- "So you are still with the band then?"- Gubler was surprised, but happy things were working.

- "Yeah, and how's the reading going?"

- "Good, we've been at it the whole morning, now I'm about to eat something, and then I'll keep reading my lines."

- "Looking like a maniac pointing a fake gun made with your fingers?"

- "Just like any other day"- Matthew made a pause as he kept walking in circles, thinking about his girlfriend hanging somewhere with that band- "Hey, are those guys being nice to you?"

Joey looked back at the table where the band was eating and nodded, knowing her boyfriend couldn't see her.

- "Surprisingly, yes. They are all being very friendly. They apologize for being assholes yesterday."

- "Wow, really?"

- "Yeah, we had a weird deep talk in the morning. I think shit is cool now."

- "I'm glad, Yami."

- "Yeah, I've got the feeling they might actually give me the job."

- "That would be awesome."

- "I know! Anyway, Akumu, I have to go. I gotta do my best to be nice with these guys."

- "Please, don't be too nice. They don't really deserve it,"- Matthew joked, and Joey chuckled.

- "You are right, but mama needs to work."

- "But daddy can take care of you,"- Joey chuckled, making her best to process that information.

- "I love you so much, Gubler, but I can deal with this on my own."

- "I know you can."

- "Thank you."

- "I just wanna help."

- "Your support and love are all the help I need to make it."

- "So, what are we gonna do?"- Mikey asked his brother, and Gerard cleared his throat, looking at Joey talking on the phone on the other side of the diner.

- "I know you want her to stay, guessing Ray is dying to work with her,"- Gerard raised an eyebrow at his friend, and Frank nodded.

- "Yeah, you are way into that chick."

- "No way! I'm just trying to be nice 'cos you've been jerks."

- "Oh, come on!! you've got jizz all over your underwear!"- Frank's comment made Mikey laugh and almost choke with his lunch.

- "Dude, you went too far!"- Ray argued, disgusted- "And no, I don't have a crush on her, I just feel bad you made her so uncomfortable, and I'm trying to make it up for her."

The band looked at him in silence as Mikey kept coughing.

- "Dude, are you ok?"- Joey asked as she sat back at the table- "Do you want some water?"- and she reached out her glass to him, who took it and drank most of it.

- "Thanks"

- "What happened?"- the young woman asked, and Mikey smiled, breathing a little better.

- "We were talking about jizz"- Gerard covered his face with both hands as he heard his brother talking, and Joey laughed, nodding.

- "I'm so happy I was far away from you,"- Joey said and closed her eyes, pretending to be disgusted- "Anyway, Matthew says hi,"- she smiled at the band and continued eating.

- "Is he on set?"- Frank asked, staring at his food.

- "Table reading, tomorrow they start rehearsal and all those things I don't really remember 'cos I love him, but sometimes I don't follow all the steps into the shooting process."

They all smiled and nodded in silence for a moment. Gerard looked at Frank and lift his brows. Iero sighed and nodded.

- "So... do you wanna play with us for the next couple of months?"- Gerard just put out the question and stared directly into Joey's eyes. She looked at him surprised and didn't know what to say- "We have a very long tour, so we have to compromise to make it work."

- "I thought you hated me."

- "I don't hate you, none of us hates you... we just started with the wrong foot, but I think we can make it work,"- Gerard finished his words, nearly whispering. Joey's heart was racing. She couldn't believe she got the job, this was by far the best job Jo had ever have, and she couldn't wait to tell her parents. They were gonna be so proud.

- "I would love to play with you guys, thank you for the offering,"- Joey answered and grinned- "And again, I'm sorry for Tucker and all that shit."

- "Nah, forget it"- Ray quickly replied- "We know you are right for the band right now."

- "But if you are gonna be with us, we have to talk about the legal agreements"- Mikey said- "I hate that part, but we have to talk with our lawyers, do the paperwork."

- "Sure, not a problem."

- "And we are gonna need a tutorial to learn how to fucking spell your last name,"- Frank added and make everybody laugh. He looked at Joey smiling, and it felt like those few seconds were in slow motion, without any reason. Iero knew he was going to remember that particular moment for the rest of his life. He just didn't know why yet.

- "Yeah, what's the problem with your last name? when I called you yesterday, I had to practice it for a half-hour."

- "And you misspelled every single fucking letter in it, sorry"- she said to Ray and took a sip of her coke before she answered- "It's from Iceland, dad's from there. And my mom is from Colombia, which explains Maria Josefina ... I know, weirdest mix ever."

- "Wow, and what the fuck the last name thing?"- Frank asked and finished his food

- "Well, there your last name is defined by your father's name, so my dad's name is Sveinbjörn Sigmundsson"- the whole band stared at her with a blank look on their faces.

- "Sorry, what?"- Frank asked again

- "Sveinbjörn, it's a very common name."

- "Sure! sure it is!"- Iero laughed, and so did Joey.

- "Anyway, over there, your surname is your father's name and, in my case, the noun daughter, in Iceland, dottir, so my last name is Sveinbjörn, my dad's name, plus dottir, get it? Sveinbjörndottir, 'cos I am Sveinbjörn's daughter"- Gerard nodded and asked

- "And if you were a boy?"

- "I would be Sveinbjörnson... what's your dad's name?"

- "Donald"

- "In Iceland, you would be Gerard Donaldson"

- "Shit! my name would suck in Iceland!"- Frank grabbed his head and scratched it- "I would be Frank Frankson!"- and he burst out laughing

- "Dude! you are so lucky you are from Jersey!"- Ray said and turned to Joey- "So Maria Josefina is your mom's heritage and Sveinbjörndottir your father's."

- "Exactly, and that's why Joey is the best way to avoid people getting mistaken with my name."

- "Seems legit"- Gerard said and looked at everybody smiling. He turned to Joey and tried to study her face for a moment. Sure, her skin was paperwhite, and her eyes were slightly green, but she didn't look like the classic island chick you might imagine. Maybe there was too much Colombia on her.

- "What is it?"- she asked him when she found him staring at him.

- "Nothing"- he blushed and finished his coke- "I was just... trying to find any Icelandic feature on you"- she frowned immediately and didn't answer a word, obviously upset- "Sorry..."

Gerard drove back with Mikey. He wanted to avoid Ray being too nice at Joey, 'cos it still bothered him. And Mikey needed to talk about anything random with his brother to keep his mind busy.

- "Hey, maybe we should do something tonight"- Mikey asked his older brother.

- "Like what?"

- "I don't know... wanna go out? Maybe see some bands? Peter told me there are a few cool shows around this week."

- "Yeah, sure, let me ask Lynz if she wants to join us? what about Alicia?"- Mikey looked over the window and cleared his throat.

- "No, she told me she was meeting some friends tonight."

- "Everything ok?"

- "Yeah, it's all ok"- Mikey wasn't even making an effort to sound ok, but Gerard didn't notice- "So, thanks for what you did."

- "What did I do?"

- "You took an executive decision for the band"

- "I hope Frank doesn't kill me"

- "He won't"

- "And I stand by the fact Ray has a crush on her"

- "I don't think so"- Mikey's phone hummed, and he lazily read the text, "I'll stay with my parents tonight." Just what he needed, a confirmation of his lie. His wife was going to be nowhere to be seen that evening.

- "Hey, Lynz asked me to get something for dinner. Wanna grab something with us, and then we can go out?"

- "Sure."

Frank wouldn't stop talking. At some point during lunch, he just stopped trying to hate Joey. He ended up making joke after joke from the minute they got into the rented car until they reached the studio. He was so nice even Ray got worried. But then he thought Frank was probably overcompensating that girl for being such an ass before.

- "Ok so, Tucker ran naked from the studio, got into the car, and drove to get a burger wearing nothing but a cap?"- Joey nearly peed laughing at Frank's story.

- "Yeah!"- he reassured, laughing too- "And the studio was in this basement, and the family of our friend lived upstairs and completely saw him running around mooning everyone"- the drummer couldn't stop laughing, picturing her friend running naked all over.

- "Shitface never told me that story!!"

- "Oh, it's a good one!!!"- Frank chuckled and turned to look at Joey in the backseat- "So why were you touring with him?"

- "'Cos I had an awesome band, and we opened for Thursday for a few dates. I was still in college back then, and Tucker was like my older brother. He taught me a lot and saved me when I was drunk a couple of times, primarily for getting into fights."

Frank smiled and kept looking at Joey for a few seconds, and she cut him a big grin.

- "How come you don't have a band right now?"- Ray asked her and forced Frank to turn around and look at the road.

- "How says I don't?"

- "Do you?"- Joey laughed for a second.

- "No. My last band broke a few months ago, and I've been working on a few projects, but I haven't found people cool enough to share it with,"- Ray and Frank nodded in silence as they parked outside the studio.

- "Ok, kids. Back to work"- Ray said and opened the door. Joey did the same and smiled at Frank when he let her pass before him. She was sure he was extra nice to make up for being such an asshole with her before. And Frank was sure he had to stop being so nice at her 'cos he felt he was about to overstep the line, but he couldn't stop. It was like he stopped hating her to fully endorse a friendship with the girl one minute to the other

- "Get your fucking shit together, Frank."

Around five-thirty, Joey got into her car and sighed. She was exhausted and yet so fucking excited she felt she could run back to her place yelling. She had to wait until she was somewhere safe though, the band could walk out of the studio any minute, and it would be too embarrassing. Embarrassed herself in front of the band's first day working with them was something she wanted to avoid. It was too soon to show her real colors. No need to let them know she was a dork just yet. They had a whole tour to find out.

As she drove back home, she thought of everything that had happened that year. It surely didn't have a great start. Moving to Los Angeles to try to give it a go in music had been hard, really hard. If it hadn't been for her parent's support, she wouldn't have survived. But then she met Matthew, and it felt he could make everything better like magic. On top of that, she now had a real job playing with a huge band. That was a huge reason to celebrate.

- "So, what do you guys think?"- Gerard looked at the band and raised both eyebrows- "Is this shit gonna work?"

- "I don't see why not"- Mikey simply answered and grabbed his phone. Zero news from his wife. Not surprised either- Rehearsal was pretty well

- "No, I mean touring with a girl."

- "Oh, knock it, I thought we had passed that stupid problem,"- the youngest Way looked at brother pretty pissed- "Just grow up!"

- "Aren't you a little too sensitive?"- Gerard frowned and sat back on the couch.

- "No, I'm just tired. I don't wanna hear any more shit about how weird it will be touring with a girl or if Ray has a crush on her."

- "He totally does"- Frank quickly said, chuckling, though he felt slightly out of place saying that considering now he was extra nice with her too, and he didn't have a crush on her.

- "Very mature,"- Ray didn't pay attention to those words and looked at the band- "What we should be doing is preparing the setlist for the tour."

- "Is Brian coming tomorrow?"- Iero asked, walking around looking kind of bored.

- "Yeah, he said so, at ten, I think, to see the venues, schedules, crew. The usual,"- Ray answered and kept typing on his computer- "So, setlist?"- Frank's phone rang, and he walked away immediately.

- "Does anyone remember the name of the movie we watched the other day at my house?"- Gerard asked, looking at the ceiling.

- "The setlist"- Ray repeated.

- "No, it was the Hayao Miyazaki about the little girl."

- "Spirited away"- Ray quickly answered- "Now please! the setlist"

- "Do you think she was tripping?"- Ray looked at Gerard, annoyed, and closed the laptop- "What?"

- "I'm trying to work here, and you are not even listening!"

- "No one is. Why are you blaming me?"

- "Because you are not helping!!"

- "Wanna do the setlist, let's do the fucking setlist"- Gerard grabbed a notebook and a pen and started writing down the name of the songs- "There! A fucking setlist!"

- "What the fuck is your problem?"

- "I have no problem!!"- Gerard kind of shouted.

- "Can you guys please stop yelling?"- Frank asked, annoyed as he turned around, covering the cellphone and giving his bandmate a severe look.

- "Sorry"- Gerard whispered and look down at the sheet of paper.

- "What is going on there?"- Jamia asked her husband.

- "Shit has been kind of tense these last couple of days."

- "Why? preparing the tour?"

- "Yeah"

- "Did you guys find a new drummer?"- Frank sighed and walked outside to smoke a cigarette.

- "Yeah, we signed one today"

- "Great! What's his name?"

- "Joey, with an unpronounceable last name,"- Iero closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he added- "And it's her name... we booked a girl for the tour"- Jamia stayed quiet, processing the information- "She is friends with Tucker, he recommended her, and she is the best drummer we had."

- "Is she nice?"

- "Yeah, and her boyfriend is very nice too,"- Frank knew he had to add the boyfriend factor into the conversation quickly- "She is dating the nerd guy from Criminal Minds."

- "Really? he is hot"

- "I guess... anyway, we've been dealing with the drummer issue most of today, so shit is kind of sensitive."

- "Why? Someone didn't want to work with her?"

- "Well... I didn't"- Frank murmured

- "Why not?"

- "'Cos... I don't know. We've never included a girl in this band."

- "Maybe it's an excellent chance to do something different."

- "Wait, you are not upset we are touring with a girl?"- Frank frowned, not getting his wife's attitude.

- "Why should I?"

- "I don't know? 'cos bitches be crazy?"

- "Franklin Anthony Iero! you take that back!"

- Why are you middle naming me for?"

- "That was sexist!"

- "Sorry, I just thought you were going to be against this whole idea"

- "I think it's cool"

- "Really?"- Frank was in shock- "You are not going to freak out?"

- "No, I'm not going to freak out."

- "Thank you"

- "Besides, she has a really hot boyfriend. Do you think she can introduce him?"

- "Jamia Iero!!"

- "What? It's not like I'm gonna cheat on you. I just wanna stare at him... I bet he is tall"

- "Ok... that's weird for someone who has been a little too sensitive over fans lately,"- Frank joked, but that might have been just a huge mistake.

- "What are you saying? That I'm a psycho about girls around you?"

- "No, no, no honey, it was just a joke"

- "An awful joke"

- "I'm sorry"- Frank took a long drag of his cigarette and sighed- "How are the babies?"

- "Sleeping... I was gonna eat dinner and go to bed too 'cos I'm too fucking tired."

- "You should. Is your mom staying at home with you tonight?"

- "No, Evan is here today. He did some grocery shopping and cooked dinner"

- "He is awesome"

- "Yeah, he is on diaper duty until one, so I better get some rest"

- "Go, honey, talk to you tomorrow, ok?"

- "What are you gonna do tonight?"

- "Drive back to the hotel and play videogames with Ray"

- "Exciting"- Frank chuckled at his wife's words and stubbed out his cigarette.

- "Love you, honey"

- "Love you too"

Jamia was full of it. She hated the idea of Frank touring with a girl, but she knew making a tantrum was worse. They had had too many arguments about female fans already. The last thing she needed was to start a new one. But how was she going to deal with this new drummer? She seemed to be a major threat.

Joey walked into her apartment and jumped around in hyperventilation. She had tried her best to control her emotions all the way back home, but after she closed the door behind her back, there was no way she could stop her excitement.

- "I can't fucking believe this!!"- she yelled and jumped around the place until she finally laid on her bed and hugged a pillow. For the first time in a long time, she didn't feel like a loser. And for the first time ever, she could call her dad and make him proud, giving him the news of her new job.

Taglist: @all-tings-diego

#my chemical romance #mcr #matthew gray gubler #criminal minds #mikey way #ray toro #frank iero #fanfiction #babymetaldoll writes

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lexosaurus · 3 years

Text

I Love You

My fic for day 5 of DP Side Hoes Week (yes I’m a day behind).

Character: Jazz Theme: Hospital

This oneshot exists within my Everything Was White fic series [ao3]. You do NOT have to be following Everything Was White to understand this fic, this one exists as a prequel in the timeline and I give enough context in the text for anyone to be able to understand it.

Okay, enjoy!

---

Jazz sat on the armchair, her gaze blank. Hazy. She hadn’t moved since she sat down some time ago. Time moved without reason, and she wasn’t sure how long it had been. Her back hurt and her lips were chapped, but she hardly noticed her discomfort.

The only thing that mattered was the person laying on the bed before her.

The person she hardly recognized.

Four weeks. That’s how long he had been missing from their lives, that’s how long the Guys in White had him. Twenty-eight days on the dot.

She could never forget his eyes as he was dragged out the door. They were wild, desperately staring down their parents who were both pinned down by government agents with guns trained to their heads. He screamed, struggling against his captures.

But it wasn’t enough.

Because in the end, he was thrown in the back of a white van. All while Jazz stood on the stairs doing nothing.

She should have freed him. She could have helped. But she was too weak.

Too weak.

Her eyes stung, and she wanted to cry. Break down. Sob. But she had already used up her stock of tears hours ago, when she finally saw him for the first time since he’d be transferred out of critical care.

He was frail, tiny. Nothing but skin and bones. His body was scarred, torn, encased in gauze and casts. Doctors fluttered about, talking in hushed tones as they analyzed her brother’s body. They tried not to show it, but Jazz knew they were baffled by him.

There was talk about his injuries. He hadn’t woken up yet, at least not completely, but Jazz was already told of the more...drastic injuries.

The Y scar on his chest.

The paralysis.

The starvation.

No one knew what the permanent effects were going to be. No one knew how he was going to fair once he woke up. But there was one thing they all knew for certain, a truth that none of the Fentons had said out loud yet:

Danny was not going to be the same anymore.

She crumbled, allowing her head to fall into her hands. Apparently, she still had more tears to give. A sob tore its way from her throat, pulling with it a wave of emotions that Jazz had just spent the last few hours desperately trying to repress.

She was tired. So, so tired. And yet, this nightmare refused to end.

“Danny, I—I’m so sorry.” Jazz’s voice was raw. The naked truth was hanging right there in front of her, the consequences of her complete failure.

She should have been there for him during the ghost fight. The one between him and Skulker that ultimately led to his revelation right there high in the skies in front of the entire town. She could have helped him.

She should have known the Guys in White would then come surround their house and take him.

She should have tried harder to find him and break him out of the government compound. They tried so hard, but they couldn’t find the stupid building.

She should have practiced her questions better in court. Maybe then the jury would have decided sooner. She could have gotten him released before he was hurt so bad.

“I’m sorry.”

He didn’t respond.

“I love you so much, Danny. I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t respond.

---

“You alright there, son?” Jack asked. He tried to smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

It didn’t seem to matter. Jazz doubted Danny even heard their father’s question. She was honestly questioning if he even realized they were in the room.

His eyes wandered around the room as if he were still trying to take in the walls of the hospital. He woke up four days ago, and yet every day had been the same blank wandering gaze.

Jazz hoped it was just the pain medication the hospital was giving him. She desperately clung onto the belief that her brother would snap out of it one day and would come home and he would be back to normal.

Back to how he was before.

“Your mother and I are going to meet with the surgeon.” Jack put an arm around Maddie, pulling her into his side.

Her face was white, streaked with red as if she’d been crying recently, and the bags under her eyes had never been so pronounced. But Jazz couldn’t blame her. After all, she probably looked more or less the same.

“Stay with Danny, alright? We’ll come grab you after.”

“Sure, Dad,” Jazz said, putting on a smile she hoped was comforting.

Her mother muttered something that Jazz didn’t catch, and then both parents were gone.

And Jazz was alone. With Danny.

Again.

She turned back to face him. The doctors had said that he’d sustained significant brain damage, and they weren’t sure yet how much communication he would be able to do. He was too drugged up still, too out of it.

He couldn’t speak, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t understand her.

Or maybe that was her hopeful side talking again. She shouldn’t get her hopes up. She would only be hurt in the end.

“Hey, Danny,” Jazz tried. Her voice was thin. Dry. She tried to wet her lips and spoke again. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but I hope you’re comfortable. If you were wondering, you broke your spine. I mean, I’m sure you already knew that but—” Her voice cracked. “—you know. That’s why you, um, might be uncomfortable right now. It’s the brace.”

He didn’t respond. He didn’t even look at her.

Just continued staring at the ceiling.

Jazz wondered if anything was going through his mind. If he had any questions. She would if she were Danny.

She tried to imagine the sort of things he would say. His voice, crackling through the throes of puberty, as he poked fun at her in that annoying way only a brother could accomplish. She tried to envision a world where he could still do that.

And she tried not to think about the fact that there was a good chance that she’d never hear his voice again.

“Your SCI was incomplete, you know. So there’s still a chance…” Jazz shook her head.

There she was getting hopeful again.

“Everyone really missed you, Danny. I—I really missed you.”

He blinked slowly. In her imagination, Jazz heard him say “I missed you too.”

“I love you.”

He didn’t respond.

---

“What band are we in the mood for today?” Jazz asked, scrolling through her playlist.

Danny was starting to come to. He seemed to be able to hold eye contact, albeit not for very long, and his minute facial expressions showed at least some understanding of what was happening around him.

Although, he still hadn’t spoken yet.

Jazz glanced brightly down at him. Now that she knew he was conscious of her presence, she couldn’t afford to show up at the hospital in sweats with her tear-stained face anymore. She had to be there for him. She had to be strong.

Maybe she had been too weak to help him before. Maybe back then, she had failed him.

But she would be damned if she wasn’t strong enough to help him now.

“What do you think? MCR? Blink-182?” she asked. “I got these band names from Sam, by the way. So if she lied to me about what music you listen to now, don’t blame me.”

Danny just stared at her with his owl-ish expression.

“Here, if you want, you can choose.” Jazz held her phone screen out in front of him, watching as his eyebrows scrunched up ever so slightly as he gazed up at the screen.

Jazz felt her smile falter for a split second before she pulled her phone away and straightened herself up on her chair.

She had to be strong.

“It’s okay, I’ll just choose one.” She tapped the screen and set her phone down.

The sound of over-compressed guitars filled the tiny bluetooth speaker on the windowsill, and Jazz beamed down at Danny, waiting for that tiny flicker of recognition to hit his face.

And, to her delight, some of the fog in his eyes momentarily lifted. He looked over to Jazz as if he were seeing her for the first time, the shock and disbelief seeping through the blank slate that was his expression.

Jazz was hardly able to keep the glee out of her voice. “You like it?”

His eyes flickered between Jazz and the bluetooth speaker. Back and forth again before settling back on the ceiling.

“Well, I’ll have to thank Sam for the recommendation later! She can’t wait to see you, you know. The doctors are only allowing family in your room right now, but maybe next week if you’re feeling up to it, Sam and Tucker can stop by. I don’t want to make any promises right now, but you never know.”

Danny’s eyes slowly traveled around the ceiling.

“Are you thirsty?” Jazz asked. “Hungry? Well, you’re probably not hungry. Doctors have been monitoring your nutrient intake a lot. I’m glad, too, because you have some color in your face again.”

His eyes shut, and a content smile twitched on his face.

Jazz couldn’t remember the last time he’d looked so peaceful.

“I love you, Danny.”

He didn’t respond.

---

Danny was home now. That should have been a good thing.

It should have been.

And it was. In so many ways, it was wonderful having him home again.

But in so many other ways, it wasn’t.

Jazz had been under some illusion that once he made it home, things would go back to normal. Sure, he would be in a wheelchair until his PT started, and he might not be able to turn into a ghost for a few weeks either, but her brother would be home.

Except, Danny never came home. Physically, he did. But mentally he was still trapped somewhere far away.

He was talking now at least. He’d started talking the week before he’d left the hospital. He wasn’t able to speak in full sentences, at least not without pausing, and he wasn’t able to really understand long sentences either, but this was a start.

Jazz wanted to hope that things would get better, but hope was a dangerous drug.

After all, even though he’d started speaking again, he still refused to talk about what happened to him. Anytime Jazz would try to bring the conversation up, he’d clam up and close off for the rest of the day.

And that hurt. It hurt so bad. She so desperately wanted to be there and support him, to help him talk through the trauma he’d experienced, but he just didn’t want to.

But that was okay. It had to be okay. She had to be strong.

She stood in front of his door, pausing only to compose herself before knocking.

He didn’t acknowledge her knock, but Jazz wasn’t expecting him too. He was trying to isolate himself, and Jazz wasn’t going to let him.

She’d already failed him once.

“Good morning, Danny!” Jazz bursted into the room, her voice chipper despite the fact that she hadn’t slept last night.

She doubted that Danny did either.

Danny was lying on top of his comforter, already dressed. Their mom must have gotten him situated before shutting herself down in the lab.

Their parents seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

“Come on, get up. I come bearing an activity!”

“Too early,” Danny grumbled.

Jazz ignored him, sauntering into the room brandishing a large, easy piece jigsaw puzzle she’d just ran out to buy that morning.

It was hard to find one for kids that wasn’t either a princess castle or a race car scene. Fortunately, the store had one on sale that had colorful, cartoon baby ghosts covering the image.

“Either you get up, or I drag you up. Either way, you’re doing this puzzle with me.”

“Puzzle?” Danny asked.

Jazz tried not to stare as he struggled upright, only swooping in to set his pillows upright behind him. “Yeah, puzzle.”

She set the box down in front of him, pulling off the lid and revealing the large pieces in front of him.

“That’s...so Boring.”

“Well, the doctors still want you avoiding screens for a little while longer. I figured this was better than staring at the wall.”

Danny eyed the box, his face impassive.

“Here, wait.” She went out into the hallway, grabbing a large piece of cardboard from the wall. “I brought something to make the puzzle on. Figured it would be easier than the mattress.”

“Okay.” He picked up one of the pieces, inspecting it slowly as if he couldn’t quite figure out what it was.

“So…” Jazz plopped herself down on the mattress next to Danny and put the cardboard over their laps. “What do you think we should do first?”

Danny gazed blankly down, his eyes trailing between the cardboard and the puzzle piece in his hand. He blinked, and then put the puzzle piece down on the cardboard.

“Okay, we can start with that one!” Jazz chirped.

“No…” Danny ran his hand through his hair. “No that’s not...need to sort.”

“Oh?” Jazz grabbed another piece from the box. “So what should I do with this one then?”

Danny gazed quizzically over at Jazz, grabbing the piece to inspect it. “Edge,” he finally said, setting the piece down on the opposite side of the board from the first piece.

“So we’re sorting the edge pieces from the regular pieces?”

Danny hummed, grabbing another piece from the box.

“Sounds like a good plan!”

They worked together in near silence after that, Jazz only stopping every so often when she could feel Danny’s attention slipping to ask him to help her sort a piece. It was almost cute how determined he was to complete the task correctly. It almost reminded Jazz of the quiet determination that would slip onto his features in the moments just before he transformed into Phantom.

Solving the puzzle was a whole different beast. If Jazz were honest, she wasn’t sure if they would have been able to finish in one sitting. Danny still tired far too rapidly throughout the day, and he still slept for more hours than he was awake.

But finally Danny snapped the last piece into place, completing their simple blob ghost picture.

“Nice job!” Jazz put her hand up for a high five.

Danny blinked, slowly processing the motion, before his brain caught up and he gave a little smirk, a tiny eye roll, but met Jazz’s hand all the same.

She put the cardboard with the now completed puzzle on the floor before sitting back against the fluffy pillows. Breathing out, she allowed herself to sink back into the cushions for just a moment.

She was so tired.

Her brain swirled, and she wanted to sink deeper into the darkness. But she couldn’t. She wasn’t allowed to.

“Are you asleep?” Danny asked.

“No.”

“Oh. Okay.”

A quiet trepidation settled over the pair. Jazz could feel the unspoken questions hanging in the air like forbidden fruit ripe for picking. But the apples were just out of reach, and she knew the branches wouldn’t sink lower until Danny was ready.

But he had to come home first. He would never be ready to tell her what happened until he finally came back to them. And Jazz didn’t know how long that would take.

“I love you,” Jazz said.

Danny didn’t respond.

---

Thanks for reading!

#danny phantom #dp side hoes week 2021 #everything was white #no beta!!#my writing #phicc #i'll probs go back like next week and actually edit this oneshot #but not rn during the event week

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kkusuka · 3 years

Text

Third year songs <3

this is most of the thrid years- not all

from my spotify liked playlist <3

comes with a side of slight character analysis

These are my interpretations of HQ characters and these songs!!

Time-skip spoilers!! (very slight)

---

Karasuno

Daichi Sawamura

Waiting for Superman- Daughtry

She's waiting for Superman

To lift her up

And take her anywhere

Show her love

And climbing through the air

Save her now

Before it's too late tonight

She's waiting for Superman

Daichi seems like he makes a lot of promises, that he just can’t physically keep. He just has so many things going on that he just can’t pay attention to all of them at once. This leads to far too many forgotten dates and even more broken promises. You know its not his fault and he does too, he just can’t leave anyone hanging.

Koushi Sugawara

Island- Florida Georgia Line

We might as well be on an island

Like we're the last two on this Earth

Like we're frozen here in time

Like it's empty here tonight

I feel like suga likes to put himself back into happier times. And that he tries to hold into happy moments as they are happening. He says he is a man of the moment, but when he feels down, he tries to put himself back into the more joyous times.

Asahi Azumane

You say- Lauren Daigle

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And you say I am held when I am falling short

And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours

And I believe (I)

Oh, I believe (I)

What You say of me (I)

I believe

Asahi is clearly very attached to how people perceive him. So when people shower him with compliments, he attaches onto them. He likes what makes him comfortable and he wants to stay comfortable for as long as he can. Words are important to him, so when he hears something bad it can ruin him for a while. He really does believe what the people he loves say to him.

Kiyoko Shimizu

Mothers daughter- Miley Cyrus

Oh my gosh, she got the power

Oh, look at her, she got the power

So, so, so

…

Must be something in the water

Or that I'm my mother's daughter

The power this woman carries. She’s built her confidence and she’s not letting anyone ruin it for her. I truly believe that her friends all become more confident because she wants everyone around her to feel confident too. Since she doesn't speak all that much she lets her body language do most of the expression.

Nekoma

Tetsurō Kuroo

High school sweethearts- Melanie Martinez

Could you hold me through the night?

Put your lips all over my mine

Salty face when I start cryin'

Could you be my first time?

Eat me up like apple pie

Kuroo definitely takes trust very seriously. I feel he’s also really scared of someone breaking this trust, so he does form it with a lot of people. That saying if he does, he wants it to last forever.

(...Step twoThis is a waste if you can't walk me down the finish line…)

He truly believes in the people he surrounds himself with.

Nobuyuki Kai

Kill the Lights- Set it Off

Now I am cutting ties clean off

And I can breathe at last

So we all stand enthralled by this bland curtain call

And the truth we pursue as we all, we all beg you to

Kai seems like he wasn't really that invested in volleyball, so having all these passionate people around him was a shock. But he really got into third year, and he wants people to feel that passion too. In the back of his mind he feels bad for not feeling it like the rest of the team, but since looking in the past means nothing now, he tries to move on.

Morisuke Yaku

Mama- Mcr

And when we go don't blame us, yeah

We'll let the fires just bathe us, yeah

You made us oh so famous;

We'll never let you go

And when you go don't return to me my love

I mean, he is part of the mom squad. But it's ever so slightly more deep. I’m gonna say it's momma-bird syndrome. He doesn't want people to move on without him, seeing people achieve their dreams is great but he doesn't want you to do it if that means loving him.

Seijoh

Tōru Oikawa

Prom Queen- Beach Bunny

Maybe I should try harder

You should lower your expectations

I'm no quick-curl barbie

I was never cut out for prom queen

I feel like oikawa is constantly feeling like he has to catch up to everyone around him. At some point in Argentina he came to the conclusion that he was good enough and didn't need to rise to anyone's standards of him, but when he got picked for the national team everything came back. He still has all of those feelings from high-school. Never making it to nationals, feeling like he failed his team.

Issei Matsukawa

Bubblegum Bitch- Marina and the diamonds

Got a figure like a pin-up, got a figure like a doll

Don't care if you think I'm dumb, I don't care at all

Candy bear, sweetie pie, wanna be adored

I'm the girl you'd die for

I feel like to earn Mattsun’s trust, he would put you through some ridiculous trial of sorts. I also feel that he is very comfortable with who he is, and he takes no shit about it. But that comes with the fact that he rarely takes fault in things, and that sparks arguments. He’ll use your love for him against you, he’ll be as cold as he can muster, until YOU take fault.

Takahiro Hanamaki

OUT THE ROOF- Chase Atlantic

Yeah, we stay lit

We fuck bitches, pop on pillies, that is it, yeah

Holy moly, holy shit, yeah

Me and all my people are heaven sent, yeah, yup

9this is a strait vibe for Makki)

I feel like Makki drowns his problems out with meaningless activities. Like smoking or one-night stands. He’d rather drown out his problems then have them in his face. Or when he’s forced to face them, he’ll deflect until he has nothing else to deflect. Because when you’re high there nothing to worry about! Why stress about meaningless problems when he can be having fun!

Hajime Iwaizumi

Endlessly- The Cab

Yeah, your friends may think I'm crazy

Cause they can only see

I'm not perfect, but I swear, I'm perfect for you.

And there's no guarantee

That this will be easy.

It's not a miracle you need, believe me.

Yeah, I'm no angel, I'm just me

But I will love you endlessly.

Iwa knows that he can't be there for you all the time. Physically he tries his best, mentally he can help when he can. But you both know that you're perfect for one another. He just can't help but listen to the people around him sometimes. You deserve the world, but he doesn't know if he can give that to you.

Fukurodani

Kōtarō Bokuto

Prima Donna- Andrew Lloyd Webber

Can you bow out when they're shouting your name?

Think of how they all adore you

We’ve all seen how Bokuto gets what he’s praised for literally anything remotely impressive. So that makes him a cannon prima donna! but that also means the lows and really bad mood swings. This song just fits him so well it’s scary.

Shiratorizawa

Wakatoshi Ushijim

More- Usher

If you really want more, scream it out louder,

If you on the floor, bring out the fire,

And light it up, take it up higher,

Gotta push it to the limit, give it more.

This seems kinda obvious, but Ushijima never gives up. Ever since he was a kid, he set a goal for himself and he went beyond what he even set out for. And that comes with a lot of work and training for every new level of volleyball. He’s just going to get better and better until he retires, or is forced to retire.

Eita Semi

strawberries and cigarettes- troye sivan

Long nights, daydreams

Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

Headlights, on me

Racing to 60, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like

Blue eyes, black jeans

Lighters and candy, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

I feel like semi always thinks about how Shirabu replaced him on the starting line-up. But he’s mostly gotten over it, but certain things bring him back into that stage of his life. Then the cycle starts all over again. He constantly looks back on the game against Karasuno and thinks about wat would have happened if he was the setter instead.

Reon Ōhira

Remember when- Chris Wallace

So can we push push push rewind,

Go go back in time,

When we were kids sneaking bottles of wine,

Take take take me back, I wanna go back,

Back to what we had! Do you remember when we started this mess,

My heart was beating out of my chest!,

Remember when we stole your dad's car,

Reon gives me the vibe that his days at Shiratorizawa were some of the best of his life. How can they not be? He made the greatest friends of his life there. And I also feel like he looks back on them a bit more than he wants to admit.

Satori Tendō

This Side of Paradise- Coyote theory

Are you lonely?

Passion is crashing as we speak

You seem so lonely

You're the ground my feet won't reach

So if you're lonely

Darling you're glowing

If you're lonely come be lonely with me.

I get the vibe that Tendou attaches himself to whatever makes him feel wanted/safe. (ex. volleyball) he knows it isn't healthy, but he can't help it. This does lead to him completely distancing himself from you over and over because he thinks you’ll leave him.

Hayato Yamagata- House of gold- Twenty one Pilots

I will make you

Queen of everything you see

I'll put you on the map

I'll cure you of disease (Ooh)

And since we know that dreams are dead

And life turns plans up on their head

I will plan to be a bum

So I just might become someone

Even though we don't see a lot of him, I get the feeling he treats people really well. Like he cherishes people a lot more than some of them deserve. As you can see this leads to some unfair relationships and toxic people. He just wants to hold on until a good person comes along.

Nohebi

Suguru Daishō

Mr Loverman - Ricky Montgomery

I'm Mr. Loverman

And I miss my lover, man

I'm Mr. Loverman

Oh, and I miss my lover

I feel like this was way too obvious, but it really is his song. It’s literally cannon, every lyric in this song is what happened with Mika. but in the end he got her back and made his promise to be a better loverman <3.

Kazuma Numai

Nonstop- Drake

Future took the business and ran it for me

I let Ollie take the owl, told him brand it for me

I get two million a pop and that's standard for me

Like I went blind dog, you gotta hand it to me

He looks and acts like a guy who listens to drake. He just seems like a guy who won't stop or give up even when things take a turn. He’ll just keep fighting until nothing’s left.

Kōji Hiroo

At the Wheel- Colorblind

I need something to wake me up

It's never strong enough

I'm just getting colder and starting over

Going numb is just the way I run from

All my problems when I can't solve them

Need to break away

Escape the way I'm feeling

Hate to be fake, but I'm just dealing

This one doesn't really have a true reason, i really just felt like this was his song. Sorry just the vibe.

;)

Inarizaki

Shinsuke Kita

Oh Ms Believer- twenty one pilots

Oh, Ms. Believer, my pretty sleeper

Your twisted mind is like snow on the road

Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder

Inside your head than the winter of dead

I will tell you I love you

But the muffs on your ears will cater your fears

My nose and feet are running as we start

To travel through snow

Together we go

I feel like kita is unintentionally cold towards the world, like he wants to open up but can't figure out how. But in turn if you can get him to feel “warmer” (get closer to him) he’ll share everything with you, almost oversharing. Just because he can't help it, he’s kept it all in for so long. Sometimes he just needs someone to hold him and make HIM feel better, because he does it for everyone. If you can manage all of this i feel like he’ll keep you with him forever.

Ren Ōmimi

Armor- Landon Austin

I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

Don't know what to say when you made me the enemy

After the war is won

There's always the next one

I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

I feel like not a lot of people approach ren because of how intimidating he looks. This has made him weary when people are really enthused to first meet him, because he thinks it’s a joke. After getting over that hurdle i feel like he just isn't an open person so it’ll take a long time to even get to a point where he trusts you. Hence the other wars after the first.

Aran Ojiro-

Never really over- Katy perry

Two years, and just like that, my head still takes me back

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

Oh, we were such a mess, but wasn't it the best?

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

Just because it's over doesn't mean it's really over

And if I think it over, maybe you'll be coming over again

And I'll have to get over you all over again

After all of these years, I really don't think Aran has truly gotten over losing at nationals in third year. And now on the national team he sees Hinata and Kageyama all the time and it takes him back. It makes him re-feel all the emotions he felt after the game. It hurt him to know that he gave his everything and still lost. Like when he’s in bed he puts himself back into that self loathing phase of his life.

Michinari Akagi

Try Hard - 5sos

It's obvious she’s so out of reach

And I'm finding it hard 'cause

She makes me feel, makes me feel

Like I try, like I try, like I'm trying too hard

'Cause I'm not being me

And it’s getting me down that

She makes me think, makes me think

That I try, that I try, that I'm trying too hard again

Akagi gives off boy best friend vibes. But like to EVERYONE, so the person he liked just thought he was making fun of them and he didn't like them back. And i feel like that kinda traumatized him a bit, so when he got a new s/o he tried really really hard to make them special, but the same thing happened.

i may do some with the second and first years, idk this took so long :)

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