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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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AITA for snapping at an autistic person?

I (28F) was invited to my friend and coworker "Anna" (27F) birthday dinner. There was around 15 people there, including her boyfriend "Josh" (late 20s M), some of our coworkers, childhood friends and Josh's best friend "Kurt" (late 20s M). She made a separate get together for her family, so there were only friends there.

At some point in the night, Anna asked why my girlfriend didn't go and, after I told her she was in her hometown visiting her family, Kurt asked if I was a lesbian. The question was a little blunt, but I only answered yes and thought this would be the end of it. It wasn't.

Kurt started to ask more and more questions, and they would be increasingly invasive. Have I ever experimented with men? Didn't my girlfriend and I missed "it" during sex (I tried to take it lightly and asked "Missed what, not having an orgasm? Not really" which, looking back, might have made him think I was okay with him talking about my sex life with me)? Do you use toys? I think it's important to note that's the first time I met Kurt, we're not friends and not even distant acquaintances, we were total strangers.

I was doing my best to not be reactive because that was Anna's birthday, but then he asked if I would like to do a threesome with my girlfriend and him, and I guess he was kidding, but I just exploded. I told him he was extremely rude and I was trying to be a good sport about all the nasty shit he was saying to me ever since he found out I'm a lesbian, but enough is enough and no, I didn't want a threesome with him, actually I wanted nothing to do with him, and if he could refrain from talking to me for the rest of the night, I would be grateful.

He was blushing out of embarrassment and tried to say it was only a joke, then I asked him to look around and see if there was anyone laughing. I finished saying we were merely strangers and if he thought it was okay to say those kinds of things to a complete stranger, then he should rethink his actions. After that I payed my part of the bill, left the restaurant and texted Anna apologizing for the scene.

The following day, Josh texted me telling my reaction to Kurt's jokes was extremely unnecessary and that Kurt is autistic and struggles with social cues. I replied that what Kurt did was sexual harrassment, that it was invasive and humiliating and being autistic doesn't excuse the way he treated me. Josh told me I was being ableist to expect Kurt to act like a neurotypical and I said he was being sexist and a homophobe to expect a lesbian woman to just shut up and accept sexual harrassment from a strange man she didn't even know was autistic in the first place. Josh stopped talking to me after that.

Anna agrees with me about the whole situation and she says Josh is overprotective of Kurt because they're childhood friends and Kurt suffered a lot during his teenage years, but that isn't an excuse to not take him accountable for the times he fucks up. I know this situation took a toll on Josh and Anna's relationship because Kurt's behavior is, apparently, the reason for a lot of their fights.

So, AITA for the way I treated Kurt?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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drdemonprince · 9 months

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I feel like you've answered a question on this before, so sorry if my search skillz failed me. how do you keep a playful attitude when trying new things? I started a book on wu-wei/'trying not to try' that has made me feel a bit hopeless so far, as I know that approaching things more casually/playfully will help it feel less painful (social situations, job search, dating, etc), but apparently you can't consciously try to be playful?!

Hmmmm this is a tricky question to answer, because it is far easier to describe what the end state feels like than to explain how I got there. But I will try!

I think if you're someone who tends to be quite skeptical and cynical about things, your first instinct during difficult situations might be to turn that skepticism toward yourself. You watch yourself trying to complete the new activity, or talk to the unfamiliar person, and all you can see is the flaws, and you tell yourself, "yeah, nice try bozo, you're never going to be good enough at this / it's never going to be worth it" and what do you know, you are crestfallen and unmotivated. And now that you're judging yourself and feeling shitty, it's even more difficult to complete the task.

but, in my experience in graduate school, developing as a creative writer, and just fumbling my way through social mores, there comes a time when you stop turning that skepticism on yourself all the time, and instead direct it outward, and begin to notice just how fucking confused and fucked up everybody else's attempts are. and if you're lucky, you might even notice other people's foibles and missteps with a sense of affection, rather than cruelty.

the more you step outside of yourself and observe others, the more you notice all the awkward things people say, the strange moments of crossed wires and missed signals, the jokes that fall flat, and just how much people really do not care about all of that so long as you keep engaged and keep your energy open and keep trying.

i have never seen a neurotypical socialize flawlessly. they say rude weird ass things and bump into other people all the fucking time! but they just keep going. often they don't even realize they've done anything wrong. and maybe they haven't even done anything wrong really. perfection isn't really what is expected. the energy is what matters more than the execution, and so if they move around with an open, receptive quality to themselves, and keep learning, they can get by being a little awkward or confused just fine.

and once you recognize how much people are fucking up all the time and that it doesnt really matter, and nobody really cares, for me it gets a lot easier to saunter around being my own level of messy and loose too. i used to judge how inept and oblivious everybody was -- at work, in school, during the hangout, on the train. and at some point i realized it was actually beautiful and something i could feel affectionate about.

it turns out you do not need to worry about everyone behind you in line at the grocery store hating you for taking too long putting your change away. AND you dont have to be mad at the guy in front of you who takes five minutes to put his change away either. because YOU are HIM and HE is YOU and we all suck and that's great.

it's fucking funny how silly and sloppy and dazed a lot of people really are. everybody fucks up constantly and is fucking weird. so who cares! i dont need to evacuate the space because i forgot myself and started picking my nose in public for a second. i can just rub my hand on my pant leg and move on. i dont need to give up going to the comic book club because me and one other guy there got into a small argument. i can come back the next month and make a joke about it with him. that's just normal messy human stuff.

the writer david cain talks about coping with social anxiety by imagining other human beings as kittens that have been dumped out from a basket into the room. they roam around, falling over themselves, exploring and sniffing and doing kitteny things, and none of them are a threat to you ever, and their actions dont mean all that much and certainly aren't all that menacing, they're just silly little animals fumbling around.

and i like to think of humans that way. we goof off, we devote an entire supposedly very serious work meeting to discussing something only tangentially relevant but far more emotionally compelling, we make up all kinds of games to play and weird rules for those games, and then we break the rules of those games and forget them. none of this shit is like, real. and the people who recognize what a goofy joke it is are often the most powerful.

not taking anything too seriously makes me feel powerful. im cynical and skeptical about everything that i get told is an airtight social or procedural rule, and i experiment around the boundaries of it, to see where it bends. but whereas i used to do that in a very bitter and entitled way, trying to find my way "out" of a system I had disdain for, now i can sometimes play with these boundaries and laugh at myself for tripping over them at times and just keep on moving, because that's what everybody does.

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inkbirdie · 11 months

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words to use that don’t demonize personality disorders!

It seems that it’s becoming more and more common for people to label others and others’ behavior as “narcissistic”, “psychopathic”, “sociopathic”, etc., especially on platforms like TikTok, where lingo spreads quickly. People associate negative qualities with these real disorders and use them to criticize or insult other neurotypicals. These words are used as a way to instantly show that someone is a “bad” or “evil” person. In reality, having a personality disorder does not make you a bad person at all! It is damaging to these communities to continue spreading this dangerous rhetoric. People with these conditions are already more likely to experience abuse and ostracization along with the mental health issues they may go through.

So, this is my list of words or phrases that people often mean instead of naming a condition. You can use these instead of referring to a personality disorder like the ones above and more. Feel free to add your own words! (Note: I do not have any of these conditions. Please correct me if I say something incorrect or offensive!)

This is a pretty long post, so I’ve put everything below the cut.

Crazy/Insane: These words aren’t truly connected to any specific disorder, but are still used to hurt people with personality disorders. They are very ingrained into our vocabulary and can be hard to remove. I’m currently working on it myself!

What you mean: wild, ridiculous, unlikely, wack, strange, odd, absurd, silly, preposterous, ludicrous

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): People often use phrases like “I’m/that’s so OCD” to indicate someone/thing that is clean or organized, sometimes to an extreme.

What you mean: organized, clean/cleanliness, neat, hates mess, hates germs, healthy, coordinated, sanitized, tidy, orderly

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD): People usually are referring to this disorder when they say words like “sociopath(ic)”, “psychopath(ic)”, “psycho”, and “psychotic”. This is used to indicate general “badness” and can be used to describe someone who has committed violent actions.

What you mean: violent, oppressive, unfriendly, mean, rude, unsympathetic, unkind, cold, unlikeable, bully, brutal, ruthless, murderous, cruel, barbaric, savage, harsh, threatening

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): I’ve seen this one all over recently. People use “narcissist” to instantly paint someone as a “bad” person. They usually use this term when the person is manipulative and/or egotistical.

What you mean: manipulative, egotistical, self-obsessed, uncaring, callous, calculating, devious, has ulterior motives, controlling, selfish, vain, shallow, self-centered, conceited, full of themself

Schizoid Personality Disorder: This one is hard to characterize, as “schizophrenic” is used to describe many types of behaviors. It is generally used to refer to someone they think is “crazy”.

What you mean: unpredictable, irrational, illogical, eccentric, senseless, raving, raging, distraught, wild, frenzied

The R Slur: This harmful term is falling out of favor as the autistic community continues to advocate against people using it. People who still use it are usually aware that it is not a good word to use. However, I thought I’d include it anyway.

What you mean: autistic (if the person in question is genuinely on the spectrum, autistic is a perfectly fine label to use), disabled (same note), off-putting, abnormal, atypical, unusual, not going along with societal norms, bad decision, disagreeable, irregular, peculiar, out of the ordinary, bizarre, uncommon, unexpected

Bipolar Disorder: People usually use “bipolar” as a way to describe someone who has mood swings or is acting irrationally. They may also say things like “maniac” or “maniacal” to mean the same thing or to indicate violence.

What you mean: irrational, illogical, moody, acting strange, unreasonable, silly, senseless, foolish, absurd, impractical, volatile, inconsistent, erratic, unreliable, temperamental, fiery, emotional, impulsive

Many of these terms are used as synonyms but have slightly different connotations for people who misunderstand these conditions. Sometimes people refer to others as “borderline” (borderline personality disorder [BPD]) to mean the same thing as “psychopath” or “bipolar”. Meanings can fluctuate and mean many different adjectives. Please use words and phrases like I have listed instead of continuing to stigmatize and demonize these real human beings who are completely deserving of love, respect, and dignity. Add your own words that you like to use (my favorite are wild and ridiculous) in the notes!

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miseryinyou · 2 years

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I'm going to leave this here because as someone who is female Level 1 autistic - I'm sick of being told "you don't seem autistic" or "if you're autistic than I'm probably autistic" "did a real doctor diagnose you?"

It's a fact that in general - autism presents differently in girls and boys.

Being a girl with level 1 autism is a recipe to be dismissed (level 1 autistic girls are often quieter/more shy than their male counterparts so they're often overlooked). People don't believe that you're struggling because you have trained yourself to act neurotypically in public from a young age. People expect you to just mask your behaviours because you begun doing it when you were too young to understand what was happening. Chances are good that a level 1 autistic girl will not be diagnosed with autism by a qualified medical professional until they're in grade school ( in my case - I was 15). AND in many cases the parents of girls with level 1 autism will dismiss the diagnosis (mine did) despite the years of behaviour that aligns with the literature on autistic children simply because their child is not an Einstein-level genius with a hyperfixation on something academic.

Next time someone with level 1 autism is brave enough to tell you that they're autistic. Don't act incredulous. Don't be rude. Just be mindful that their level of comfort with social interactions and socialization is much different from yours. Sure, some of it is probably social anxiety (a lot of level 1 autistic people have social anxiety and/or generalized anxiety disorders) but it's also about the unknown.

What am I expected to wear?

How will I be expected to behave?

How long will the interaction last?

Who is going to be there?

What will we be doing to fill the time?

What are the rules?

Will it be loud?

Will it be crowded?

These are all questions that I regularly worry about when I'm asked to go to a social engagement. It's not just about worrying how people will perceive me. I need to figure out exactly how I need to act to blend in with the crowd. I don't want to draw attention to myself and the oddities I may not be able to mask. I worry about feeling claustrophobic if there are too many people. I worry about making awkward small talk (which is really hard for me) if there are people that I don't know at the gathering. I worry about getting a headache if the place is too loud. I worry that I'll be seen as strange when I inevitably don't understand a subtle joke or sarcastic remark. I worry that I won't be able to leave the gathering in time for me to complete my bedtime ritual that is vital for me to actually sleep at night. If I don't do the exact same thing every night at approximately the same time, I get really anxious and can't sleep. It's a disturbance to my routine that I really can't compromise on very much or very often.

#autism #personal #aspergers #asd #high functioning autism #autism in girls #autism in women

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finniestoncrane · 3 months

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Building off the Aro and Ace Riddler discussion…

Me: Bi, Gray, autistic, and easily confused about my feelings and attraction.

My ideas for Riddler: Bi, Gray or Demi, autistic, is occasionally confused about his feelings and attraction.

Me and Riddler: A happy couple! (In my self-shipping brain)

Basically, I like Riddler. And everyone should hc him however they want. The most important thing is to not be a jerk.

PS, Finnie, you’re so cool!

anon we are speaking the same truths 💚

i know that it's a very hard concept for some people to get, but literally, everyone is valid. i don't find joy in being a stickler for canon or some strange rules, but some people do and that's FINE! i don't think it's fun or fair to use that as an excuse to yell your opinion in a rude way though, just the same as i don't think it's fair to say that the people who think the riddler is straight or bisexual are erasing him being gay. there's enough canon and imagination for us all! disagreeing with someone is part of the fun, it's part of the experience, of fandom and life in general!

let that boy be confused, let him be gray, let him be bi, let him be adhd, let him be anxious, let him be a neurotypical straight man for all i care. see yourself in your characters, find them loveable and by proxy, find yourself loveable!

and then, when you find yourself loveable, maybe you can find strangers loveable too and not be a total fanny about it u-u

(also thank you this is the nicest thing, i think i'm cool but i think that makes me uncool SO MWAH <3)

#friends being friends #anon

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heartnosekid · 2 years

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dont wanna be too invasive, but im autistic and i have been like this entire life, that is socially rejected. never had any friends, people didnt give a fuck about me, didnt wanna be my friend, im still a social reject and im just wondering, did you ever get this? like people avoiding you bc "eww strange vibes" or some other bs?

this is not invasive at all, i am happy to answer this question and hopefully provide some insight.

i also have a similar experience; i was bullied severely and flat out ignored / rejected for what i now know was simply having ASD, for most of preschool through middle school, by both students / other children outside of school and teachers / other adults outside of school alike. i spent a lot of my time not knowing why people hated me and avoided me. that’s been a big portion of my adulthood now healing myself from the self-hatred i developed based upon the way that others treated me and continue to treat me in my daily life.

people are either off-put by my energy, upset by my different ways of communicating and my abnormal body language, irritated by my lack of talking, avoiding eye contact, my tone and facial expressions, etc. neurotypicals often see these naturally occurring aspects as either rude, dismissive, unkind, cold, etc.

however, it is important to remind ourselves those are things people with ASD physically cannot change or control, we can only mask around them and “make up” for them almost strictly for the comfort of neurotypicals, and it is not your fault that other folks take issue with you because of them.

#asd #autism #ish talks

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sgkjd · 2 years

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what really hurts, now that it's been a few years since i realized i'm autistic and since i've been deepening and widening my understanding of myself and what works for me all over again basically from scratch - i see my parents and other family members from older generations not being aware of their neurodivergencies at all, and so having these toxic internalized immovable and unchangeable (mostly social) rules of "how it should be": imposing them on themselves and draining themselves out, as well as imposing them on everyone around and often hurting people they love; not knowing what's the cause of their anger, how to manage it and still continuing to perpetuate such behaviors.

what's interesting is that if i ask every single one of them why are they still doing it if it's not what they believe to be right/their truth and if it causes emotional pain to others - they can give me an in depth analysis of how it's really just a norm and an etiquette, and how it really doesn't mean anything to them but they just have to do it and push through it since it's what they were taught and it's accepted to do so in our society unless they want to seem rude and mean. it's like they know it's stupid, but there's no, and even cannot be, way out of this.

this comes both with very destructive beliefs such as being transphobic, homophobic and ableist (the paradox here lol) but also with more simple things like having these unnecessary social behaviors or, in other words, having adopted and learnt the neurotypical way of communicating and so policing themselves and others into talking/behaving this and this way only.

personally, i'm not a person for who saying hellos and goodbyes comes naturally. and i never do it unless i make it a conscious effort (with people i see for the first time, for example) because in comfortable settings i just completely forget about it since it doesn't mean anything and simply don't have any substance to me nor are useful as a means of communication. hence i don't waste my energy on them when i don't have to.

however, this one middle-aged person from my rather close family everyday goes out of their way to distinctly say hi and bye whenever they come in contact with me. and for the longest time it made me so anxious and unnecessary tense to feel like i have to reciprocate them by doing the same. it was stressful to the point where i knew i'll be seeing them and i kept anxiously waiting trying to not forget to say hi. it was bothering me so much that recently i explained my relationship with hellos and goodbyes to said person and asked them to not feel upset or feel like i'm angry at them whenever i don't respond back with a hello to their hello. they said "i just think it's polite to do so, it's what i've been taught when i was a kid. i do feel like it's mean to not reciprocate with a hello back to me. but i guess i'll keep in mind what you said." they seemed to clearly imply how they know these words don't mean much but they are doing it since "it's how people are supposed to communicate" and at the same time they expect everyone else to do so and it's bad bad if other people don't do it.

there's nothing to conclude here. while i took an example that's on a lighter side, it's a strange feeling to keep on realizing how as a kid i was neglected and hurt the most by none other than autistic and/or adhd people (excluding other conditions that make them neurodivergent) - namely my parents and grandparents, the people closest to me while growing up.

#my mom lately keeps realizing a lot of things about herself #once she said she truly forgets about people no matter how much she loves them if they don't actively need her help #meaning that if you don't clearly say to her that you're having trouble meaning you don't require immediate attention from her #she naturally cannot give attention to you unless you climb to the 1st spot in her importance list by needing her help #otherwise she forgets about everything that's not the first like 2 or 3 places 😭😭😭#no wonder i went on without my struggles being noticed given i never directly asked her to help me .....#i cant even feel angry at her bc how can i be angry with traits i myself have 😭#although this experience did end up in me having a special interest in human psychology etc #so now im hyper aware of the way people are and why they do what they do #; words generated by me #actually autistic

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shadowy-emperor · 2 years

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I made an autism info sheet!

I made this following pamphlet to hand out at school to classmates so they could be informed about autism and help respect me and others accordingly. Any suggestions/edits are appreciated! Feel free to copy and print for your own use :)

*******************************************************************************************

The Realities of Autism Spectrum Disorder

There are a lot of misconceptions and deficits of information surrounding autism, and this must change, and you can be that change! Autistic people are human, with the exact same range of differences and personalities as those who are neurotypical, just representative of a difference in brain connections and thought pathways. If you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person; autistics are not a conglomerate personality, a stereotype, or a strange, inexplicable other. Too many are misinformed about the nature and reality of autism. Thus, this pamphlet!

What is Autism?

Autism is extremely misunderstood, from people thinking the word itself is dirty to people claiming that it can be caused by vaccines. Neither is true. Autism is a developmental disability and a type of neurodiversity, meaning that it is a difference in brain chemistry, pathways, and overall makeup; neurodiversity is natural, and is theorized to be a part of human evolution. But on a more individual scale, this means that autism is simply a different computational system, neither better nor worse than a neurotypical’s, just different; autistic brains develop differently, with different emphasis on certain types of stimuli. For example, autistic brains tend to be extremely logic-based, preferring structure, ritual, and thorough understanding and processing. This emphasis on process is largely due to the fact that our brains take in greater quantities of sensory input; autistics are forced to see every piece of the picture simultaneously, then sift through all of the data to reach a conclusion, which leads to both interesting, vital perspectives and overwhelm, as taking in everything at once is draining and difficult. An example: I am in the Commons. Hundreds of conversations are all around me. Being autistic, I hear every single sound at once. Hundreds of people talking loudly, laughter from all directions, utensils scraping- nothing is filtered or prioritized. I hear absolutely everything at its full intensity, making focusing on one conversation, the one before me with my friends, absolutely impossible. It hurts. It is like having hundreds of people screaming at you in a small room: that is the reality of my auditory processing. But autism is different for everyone. There is no universal autistic experience. Just because sounds are intense to me, it does not mean that another autistic would be bothered in the same way, or at all. Autistics are all different, just like neurotypicals.

Autistic, NOT Person With Autism.

Often, people are told to call autistics ‘people with autism,’ stating that ‘calling someone autistic is defining a person by their autism, when they are so much more!’ This seems harmless, but this rhetoric is harmful, damaging, and inherently disrespectful. It implies that:

1. Autism is not something someone should be proud of, as if it is a flaw.

But autism is absolutely not a flaw, only a difference.

2. Autism should not be used to define someone, as it is not a notable part of their experience.

This is also incorrect, as if you are autistic, this part of you is an important part of your life. For myself, it impacts how I think, how I function, how I react; it is literally part of the foundational coding of my brain and consciousness. It is a defining aspect of one’s existence worthy of recognition.

3. Autism as a category is not worthy of distinction or pride.

Once again, autism is not bad, dirty, wrong, weird, unnatural, ‘needing to be cured,’ or any other common hateful statements. Telling one not to be defined by an important part of their experience is rude and dehumanizing. Imagine telling a gay person: ‘Don’t call yourself gay! You are so much more than that. You are a person who happens to be gay.’ See? This is rude, as it implies that being gay is bad, which it is absolutely not, and removes a person’s choice to self-identify. Further, it erases an important part of the person’s experience, negating any discrimination or difficulty one has endured due to being different.

This type of ‘person-first’ language is humiliating and disrespectful. Thus, the majority of autistic individuals prefer ‘autistic’ to ‘person with autism’ due to the reasons above.

Social Difficulties.

Social interaction with neurotypicals can be extremely difficult, as it is like a language barrier: two people with two completely opposing operational systems trying to relay information. For example, autistic individuals are often very literal, as it is honest and effective for conveying information. But commonly, this is not well received or understood, and comments can be misinterpreted as blunt, rude, passive-aggressive, or implying something not intended. It makes conversation difficult and extremely frustrating. Imagine you are trying to compliment someone’s shirt because you find it aesthetically pleasing, but the person is hurt, shocked, and turns away with contempt. It is confusing and disorienting, as your action, intended as a genuine compliment, has instead been taken as a malicious statement, and you have absolutely no idea why. This happens often, usually because there is some emotional cue that has been missed, misrepresented, or accidentally communicated, as for autistics, tonality and facial expressions can be hard, as they do not often come naturally. For example, when I interact, I have to constantly study a person’s every movement, as I do not unconsciously interpret socio-emotional signals. Everything is manual. I see that their brows are furrowed, and then what? I have to guess what it means. Is someone angry? Confused? Disoriented? Is it my fault, or the fault of another? I often have genuinely no idea what these cues mean, because there isn’t enough information. Summarily, reading another person’s emotions does not come naturally, and autistics have to consciously process everything. It is exhausting. So please, when interacting with an autistic person, try and clearly communicate feelings, emotions, and other subdermal points of interest, even if you think that this type of information is obvious, because it often absolutely isn’t. Your care and effort are greatly appreciated!

Special Interests.

Another common trait of autism is special interests and hyperfixations; autistics tend to be very intensely interested in specific topics. These can be anything from a period of history, Star Wars, Naruto, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, extraterrestrial exploration, science fiction, Steven Universe, comics, art, Shakespeare, coding, Aperture Laboratories, or literally anything. These interests can be broad or narrow, but what matters is that autistic individuals are passionate about them. It is a type of relaxation, being able to absorb information and structure it without being overwhelmed by erroneous sensory input; no exhausting interpretation of others’ facial expressions is needed for one to read and talk about Agatha Christie's works. It allows one to simply exist and enjoy one’s interests without grating sensory stimulation.

Things To Remember.

- Disability is not something wrong, or something to be feared.

- Fundamentally, disability stems from the environment, not the individual.

- Intersectional biases also make autism difficult. People of every gender are autistic, despite attention and tests being designed only for those socialized as male. Autistic people of color are often mistreated at higher rates, and are frequent victims of police brutality. Autistics are more likely to be transgender, and thus disproportionately suffer from transphobia.

- Autistic people are not the white boy genius robots you see on television. Not all have a photographic memory, love trains, and excel at math and coding. Some autistics enjoy these things; others have extremely different interests.

- Autistics are not unintelligent or outright stupid. Such stereotypes are insulting.

- Autism does not make one a superpowered genius, either. Autistic people are just human.

- Not all autistics are nonverbal or unable to communicate. Some of us are, and some aren’t! Please be kind to those of us who are.

- Not all autistics react the same way to the same stimulus.

- Our meltdowns/shutdowns are natural, and expressed in different ways. They are stress responses to too much stimulus, and we are not ‘acting out’; we are genuinely distressed.

- Autistics are not weird, abnormal, or inhuman, but are just people, and ignoring this fact is discriminatory.

- One cannot be ‘more’ or ‘less’ autistic; autistics simply express or experience this part in different ways.

- Autism does not negate a person’s rights, such as self-determination.

- Autism is something to celebrate and be proud of, just like all differences!

Your efforts are vital for spreading awareness and acceptance of autism! You can help foster change!

Thank You For Reading!!

#autism #autism acceptance #autism activism #actually autistic

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boobexplosion · 7 months

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diary entry about joy in autism regardless when you live somewhere where no one gives you the time of day or human connection

there is this yearning with neurodivergence where no matter how hard i try to cosplay as normal at work or at parties or school it isn't effective, im like the uncanny valley of humanity. but then i see people in public online wearing lab coats and goggles while at an event, or i see someone shamelessly carrying around a stuffed animal or i see someone with acne and glasses that dont suit their face wearing poorly made furry ears and paws to a festival and i realize that while i dont have the standard human experience, there are so many other people like me who are strange and queer and fat and people all just want to avoid us, despite the fact that we are so full of love..

we are transgressive by nature as queers as autistics etc. there are so many people right now who are ND too who are being slowly outcast at their job. or they cant seem to find friends in college. but theyre so passionate. they love to have fun. and we're all connected in this spiderweb of detachment and loneliness; most of us being lucky to find more like us who appreciate us and adore us and realize that we autistics are the purest form of passion and fixation. in a world of neurotypicals who hate us and maim us, we are physically incapable of not being peculiar shattered fantastic reflections of humanity.

my gender presentation brings people raised in a small town that have never spent a second talking to a trans person to their knees. i make cis people into puddles begging for forgiveness and rudely demanding my gender. my lighthearted strange victimless humor falls on deaf ears of neurotypical classmates who finally gave me a chance to talk to them, and the joke is utterly hilarious. they dont think it's funny, it's too unfamiliar. in their mind i am crossed out in a big red X.

everywhere i go i force people to confront the truth, existing simultaneously as a full person but also as a mirror of themselves and what they fear, and the horrible reality that there is joy in succumbing to the strange nature of neurodivergence, that joy exists in a way divorced from the reactions of those too weak to comprehend it.

#vent #tw ableism #ableism #not tf2 #autism #autistic

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crystalkleure · 3 years

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By far one of the most frustrating types of miscommunications I seem to continuously encounter is, like...it goes like this:

1. [Person] accuses me of doing [thing], in a way that makes it apparent they think [thing] is bad specifically due to it having some sort of presumed rude connotation/undertone behind it

2. I try to explain that I didn’t mean to offend them, I did do [thing] but it doesn’t mean what they think, I’m just autistic, here’s what it means when I do it

3. [Person] flips their lid and accuses me of using mental illness as an excuse to get away with doing Bad Things, completely blanking out on everything else I said like the only thing they processed was “I’m autistic so it’s okay”

That’s probably too vague, but what I mean is, for example, say my tone suddenly changes mid-conversation. My voice goes kind of flat, and a lot of my frilly mannerisms disappear. [Person] then accuses me of being an asshole who’s now only pretending to keep listening to what they’re saying, or worse, interprets that change in tone as me challenging or mocking them. I try to explain, no no, I’m actually listening extremely intently to what they are saying, the interaction suddenly has so much of my attention that I stopped devoting a significant amount of my mental energy to masking in favor of directing more attention to the actual content of the conversation. I’m just focusing really hard, and I naturally don’t emote a whole lot and normally have to put a lot of conscious effort into making my emotions Actually Visible* because...I Am Autistic! [*It’s not that those emotions don’t exist, it’s that I typically just don’t make them overly outwardly apparent. idk, it just doesn’t show on my face. But they’re there and I am very much feeling them!]

[Person] then just accuses me of using autism as an excuse to be rude to them and ignore/belittle/mock/etc. what they’re saying to me. They just absolutely fail to acknowledge literally anything else I said to them aside from the word “autistic” and I don’t understand why. I can’t tell if they think I’m lying just to fuck with them further or if they just didn’t understand my explanation so they ignored it or both or what.

And that’s just one example of how this sort of thing happens. There’s also shit like:

[Person] says “omfg stop staring at me you weirdo,” I say “Whoops, sorry, my eyes actually weren’t even focused and I was just spacing out, didn’t realize it looked like I was staring at you,” and they say “Stop making up excuses to be a creep!!”

Or [person] is talking to me while I’m playing a video game or watching something, and I’m clearly listening to them but suddenly my tone gets Slightly Sharper/Tenser when I respond, and they get really upset and ask me why I was just “so rude out of NOWHERE like that, why are you suddenly angry with me, how dare you take that tone with me, and for NO REASON” etc., and so I explain that while my WORDS were directed at them, my tone was affected by the other thing I’m partially focused on; the Sudden Slight Sharpness was due to a hard boss battle or an upsetting scene, the emotion from that just leaked into my voice a little bit. They do not believe me and become angry that I will not tell them why I am angry with them. [Note that this can also happen when I’m just THINKING real hard about the show or movie or game or whatever, instead of actively engaging with it during the conversation, and in fact that’s how it USUALLY goes. I’m just thinking really hard about Beyblade or something at the same time I’m talking to them! I suddenly had a Really Engaging And Possibly Upsetting Thought that had nothing to do with them or the conversation! But this is not believed.]

Or, the classic, [person] insists “You won’t make/hold eye contact with me, or your tone seems Weird and Off in a way that I can’t even quite put my finger on, so you MUST be lying to me about SOMETHING” and absolutely refuses to believe that I’m not, even if they do admit that they can’t imagine what I’d even have any reason to be lying to them ABOUT.

And anything else that basically boils down to the person just misinterpreting my thoughts behind [action], refusing to believe me when I say my thoughts were actually totally different than what they assumed, and, crucially, the [action] is totally benign unless the thought behind it was rude somehow. Shit like that.

I’m not saying “I’m autistic, so it’s okay for me to be an asshole!”, I’m saying “I’m autistic, so what I did didn’t mean what you thought it meant, so I wasn’t being an asshole in the first place.”

#It feels like they're trying to claim they can read my mind and if I say they're wrong about whatever they claim I was thinking I'M lying??#This keeps happening. With different situations with different people [almost all neurotypical; definitely none autistic specifically fwiw]#[At least they are supposedly neurotypical]#.It speaks #About me yo #There's also the fact that autism isn't even a mental illness...it's just a different neurotype!#I'm not ''using mental illness as an excuse'' because that's not even what that is! I just think [and express my thoughts] differently!#Why do people keep not believing me when I try to explain my thought process behind [insert mannerism I didn't even realize I was doing]?#What's not clicking??#This is deeply frustrating and has led to multiple people just absolutely blowing up in my face and I absolutely cannot calm them down #I put a LOT of effort into figuring out how to explain/articulate my thoughts; it takes a frankly excessive amount of self-reflection #I have thought for HOURS about ''Why do I do [insert behaviour deemed strange]??'' specifically so that I can explain when someone --#-- misunderstands me again. And it doesn't pay off! They just don't listen to me!#''Hours'' isn't even accurate...I think CONSTANTLY about Why I do basically every random little thing I notice myself doing ever #I am actually paranoid about Literally Everything I Do being misinterpreted as being somehow malicious #It's almost like I'm being told ''Stop using being autistic as an excuse to display autistic behaviour''#Even when that behaviour isn't hurting anybody?? It's just seen as Weird and thus I guess it makes people uncomfortable??#It's not like I'm saying I Should Be Allowed To Randomly Slap People In The Face Because It's A Preferred Stim Of Mine or anything...#It literally all has to do with How My Tone/Emotions/Thoughts/Intentions are INCORRECTLY perceived by the other party!#They THINK that I THOUGHT Rude Thoughts at them and will NOT believe me when I say I Promise I Did Not #Even though I am literally the only one with access to my brain here #Why does this keep happening I hate it so much #And what's worse is that THIS explanation has gotten me accused of gaslighting #Person: ''I know what I heard in your voice! Don't try to hide it now! You can't lie to me! I KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY MEANT''#Me; who tried to tell them that They Were Not Correct In Their Assumptions Of MY Thoughts and I wasn't trying to hurt their feelings: ;-; ??

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sinnersandsaints-linwrites · 2 years

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you know sometimes a lot of if authors ask us if we would like options and interactions added to the game......so it's not so outlandish and strange when things get asked for. but i suppose you didn't ask for suggestions which means people definitely shouldn't give you unsolicited suggestions. but speak for yourself. Use "I" not "us authors". My MC. My characters. My-oof we get it. no ones saying its not YOUR characters and not YOUR game. okay? maybe go write a proper book or something where it can properly be your mc with no customization or variations. (I'd definitely buy it) and no suggestions to allow to say something snappy to RUDE characters. RUDE. i like rude characters so not complaining lol but idk what being neurodivergent has to do with it especially in this instance lmao. especially if it's just being RUDE and HOSTILE to one person, aka YOUR mc. We weren't talking about you and you not being neurotypical and what you do because of that, we're talking about these types of characters who are just plain meanies so please keep stuff like that out of it.

also about your other post. what does self inserts have to do with anything??? because someone would like the option for the mc to wear glasses??? cause they maybe wanna not have the mc get stepped on willingly at all times??? fanfics have set personalities for the 'Yn' character so i cant really understand what you could mean? the only thing is that they dont have a name?? the yn part?? and if you play that way, interactive fiction is more self insert and oc insert than yn fanfics will ever be. idk how the lines can be blurred lmao?? we knowwwwwwwwww its the authors character and not us as a reader. we knowwww. its just fun. it's just immersive. please calm down its not that serious and again speak for yourself cause i have never seen anyone else complain about that before. *priest voice* and if you do, speak now or forever hold your peace. all your other points are valid tho I'm sick of that whole; "it's not my preference so please change this character to suit me" bull. anyway I've never been this rude to anyone on the internet in my life but you just irk me so I'm tryna fight. please reply accordingly. and yes I'm on anon oof so cowardly yudda yudda yudda idc. ooooh you should start an if authors union ya know! since you feel so oppressed by entitled readers wanting the interactive fiction game they're playing to include certain interactions. no no I'm not deluded, you don't have to do that honestly but just say no and stfu about it. maybe put somewhere in your bio "don't suggest things, i dont care, this is MY mc not yours and MY game." it would be sooo iconic if you actually added that lol. i sound like a pos spoiled brat towards the end even to myself but oh well. cue the ass kissers and dick riders to your defense ig. if you answer this at all. "dont listen to them-" "I'm so sorry you have anons like-" "the audacity of some peo-" "don't worry, they're wrong, keep complaining abou-" "if they don't like your posts then they shoul-" "I can't believe -" "this is so rud-"

Hope you don't mind, I'm a no nonsense type🥔

Well this is a lot. I’ll just go point by point. And to preface people saying “ignore it and move on” thank you, I’d rather not. Even if the ask does not seem too constructive. So, here, anon, your 15 minutes of fame and attention.

You are correct — I did not ask for suggestions as to what choices I should make available. Sometimes I ask for suggestions about different things, and I do appreciate that feedback, but I do not appreciate unsolicited suggestions as to how I should write my game.

I use “us authors” and not “I” because I am not the only author who gets the ‘suggestions’, it’s easy to see since almost every week at least one author deals with something of the sort.

“My MC. My characters. My-oof we get it. no ones saying its not YOUR characters and not YOUR game. okay? maybe go write a proper book or something where it can properly be your mc with no customization or variations. (I'd definitely buy it)”

Auch, ‘proper book’? Appreciate the info that you’d buy it, but this is just a backhanded compliment of sorts. I (and other authors as well!) repeat it often that the characters are ‘ours’ because people do forget that, often.

“i like rude characters so not complaining lol but idk what being neurodivergent has to do with it especially in this instance lmao. especially if it's just being RUDE and HOSTILE to one person, aka YOUR mc. We weren't talking about you and you not being neurotypical and what you do because of that, we're talking about these types of characters who are just plain meanies so please keep stuff like that out of it.”

Lot to unpack. I assume you’re referring to some older responses I gave, where I mentioned that neurotypical people can often perceive behavior of neurodivergent individuals as ‘rude’ when the person is not rude; they just don’t conform to neurotypical standards. I also mentioned cultural differences; for Americans for example, behavior of Poles is often perceived as rude, but for Poles it’s being neutral. I respectfully decline, and I will keep mentioning things like these.

Idk who’s the ‘we’ you talk about, maybe speak for yourself? :/ (I think I’m allowed a bit of pettiness here)

The entire thing about self inserts — let me guess, you self insert? (Last bit of pettiness I promise)

I’d appreciate if you specified which post you mean, since I’m not clairvoyant. I’ll assume you meant my post from TNG blog, since it’s there that I spoke at length about self inserts. I’m not sure what’s your entire point with this, to be frank. Readers can headcanon whatever, that’s quite alright — you can self insert all you want; what stops being alright is when the authors boundaries — mine for example — get disrespected because a reader got too deep into their self insert, or when I get treated like a one-shot writing machine with someone’s overly specific, detailed scenarios, or when people complain about their MC “being stepped on willingly at all times.” If you don’t want your MC to be “stepped on willingly at all times” feel free to simply not read. It’s that easy.

Y/N fanfics often have a bland ‘Y/N character’ with minimal personality and characteristics, it’s a hollow character most can project into. Y/N fanfics have also things like: your last name, your eye color, your hair color, but often they’re so easily self-inserts because of how empty they are (that being said, still most Y/N fanfics are written with an able-bodied, NT, white, cis women in mind). Y/N fanfic is a clear self insert, it’s meant as self insert — Interactive Fiction is not.

“idk how the lines can be blurred lmao?? we knowwwwwwwwww its the authors character and not us as a reader. we knowwww. its just fun. it's just immersive. please calm down its not that serious and again speak for yourself cause i have never seen anyone else complain about that before. *priest voice* and if you do, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Feel free to read through the responses in the tags and replies to that post then if you have never seen anyone else mention this. You may know the difference, some people don’t — I for one often get asks worded as “I wouldn’t do that / behave like that / I’m not attracted to that” etc. “I” not “MC”. So.

“anyway I've never been this rude to anyone on the internet in my life but you just irk me so I'm tryna fight. please reply accordingly. and yes I'm on anon oof so cowardly yudda yudda yudda idc. ooooh you should start an if authors union ya know! since you feel so oppressed by entitled readers wanting the interactive fiction game they're playing to include certain interactions. no no I'm not deluded, you don't have to do that honestly but just say no and stfu about it. maybe put somewhere in your bio "don't suggest things, i dont care, this is MY mc not yours and MY game." it would be sooo iconic if you actually added that lol. i sound like a pos spoiled brat towards the end even to myself but oh well. cue the ass kissers and dick riders to your defense ig. if you answer this at all.”

#lmao what is that #I'm just impressed this person had time and energy to write all that #Anon Chill #if: sinners and saints #if community #I technically am supposed to write my thesis #but I saw this and I went 'oh someone was bored'#if authors union #not a bad idea tho

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blindbeta · 3 years

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I just saw someone asked about making a character blind in their novel and you responded about ways to avoid it being portrayed poorly. I wanted to ask, could it also help if part of the arc is the character accepting becoming blind?

Like, even if it happens in some kind of accident, or like them becoming blinded as a sacrifice for the team, would it be a bad portrayal for part of the character's story to be realizing it's not the end of the world, that being disabled doesn't make them completely useless, etc?

Or is that sort of arc also ableist?

[Note: I used the words non-disabled and abled interchangeably here. Both refer to people with no disabilities. After a conversation with some of my followers, I decided to make an effort to be clearer about who I referred to when I used words like able-bodied, because able-bodied may, for some people, refer to people without physical disabilities or without any disabilities at all. There are times when the distinction matters, even when people said they can usually tell based on context whether or not able-bodied is meant to include them.]

Writing About A Character Accepting Being Blind After Going Blind - When You Aren’t Blind Yourself

An arc about a character accepting becoming blind doesn’t feel good to me and I’ll try to explain why.

I’d rather read a story about a character who happens to be blind, in whatever way that happened, than read a story where a writer who isn’t blind tries to write about a blind character accepting being blind. I just finished a similar book and it did not go well. There are some things that research cannot teach you. There are some stories that aren’t yours to tell.

I don’t want to read about a non-blind author, especially a non-disabled author, writing negative things about my disability.

A character starting out feeling overly negative toward their blindness already feels bad to me. Why? Because the author has to write negative, sometimes completely wrong things about being blind. When I read stories like this, I am bombarded with stereotypes or myths which are rarely corrected by the narrator, who is usually traumatized and somewhat isolated as they heal. Many of the things they think or say are not checked or revisited. Mean things other characters say or think about them are often internalized by the narrator. Things that, in real life, are said to blind and otherwise disabled people as truths. As tough-love. As part of the supposed -Real World-. As bullying. As ignorant, innocent questions. As rude comments.

All of these things are not even coming from a personal place. The author writing these things- while they probably don’t agree with them, of course- is still not blind at the end of the day.

Readers who aren’t blind may not understand the nuance of why some of the things they read were ableist if it isn’t called out in the narrative in some way, which can sometimes happen when the narrator says something negative about their new disability. This isn’t to say readers shouldn’t do their own research or examine the story more closely. This isn’t to say the author is at fault for the interpretations of readers who refuse to think beyond what is laid out for them. When I say this, I am being realistic. Not all readers are going to be proactive. Not all readers are going to approach a book about a person going blind from a good place.

Most of the time, this is just something the author needs to accept. It is impossible to anticipate the strange interpretations of every reader. However, this narrative can be dangerous to a reader who has never met a blind person. Keep in mind, most people aren’t doing what you all are doing. They just read what is given to them. And if what is given to them is a helpless or self-loathing blind person, they might believe in that image. That book may be the only expirience they have with a blind person and they may not read any other books with blind characters.

Another thing I thought of was that non-blind authors sometimes don’t understand how hobbies and skills translate to blind people. For example, in a story I read once, a character who was going blind practiced playing piano and typing on a keyboard blindfolded so they could learn how to do without sight. However, blind people can already play instruments even if they were born blind. Blind people can also easily type on regular keyboards and, technically, correct keyboard technique means typing without needing to look at the keyboard.

Authors who don’t understand what it is like to go blind often don’t get the nuances of what that person is losing and not losing. And it often shows. They also don’t often include the aspects of blindness that are actually challenging. Why focus your worry on typing on a keyboard when you can learn how to use assistive devices in the kitchen or learn to cope with anxiety you anticipate will get worse after losing vision? Why not try to find accessible copies of books you have or scan or Braille sentimental letters? Why not organize your closet so you can find things more easily?

Obviously this is related to characters who know they’re going blind, though.

It favors non-disabled readers, which is ableist.

Another reason this type of story bothers me is because it is so common. Or at least people expect it. This type of story is one abled / non-disabled people can swallow and feel inspired by. Showing the blind person accepting their blindness also favors non-disabled readers in ways I may not be able to articulate well.

Accepting disability is an arc non-disabled people are comfortable with. It is a feel-good type of story that usually doesn’t challenge people too much, other than to remind them not to bully people. Already, this story is not even for disabled people, or in this case, blind people. It exists to introduce people who aren’t blind to the idea of becoming blind, to blind technology, to inspirational ideas about how blind people actually can do things. Stories like this guide abled people along and prioritize their ideas about blindness. Because the narrator is almost always previously abled, the story is about adjusting to blindness in a way that caters to non-disabled people.

How does a story with this angle benefit blind readers? Even if a blind person has also recently gone blind and wants to see a character who on that journey with them, what can a writer who isn’t blind say that blind writer couldn’t say? Or say better? Or say with more power? With more nuancel? With more personal experience?

And it may seem like saying this arc is ableist is too much. Keep in mind, ableism isn’t just about being rude to or excluding disabled people. Ableism favors those who are able-bodied or neurotypical over those who are not. It favors those who are not disabled over those who are. This story is just another way of doing that. Often, people are ableist through what they consider kindnes. Authors are not exempt from that.

Disabled authors should tell their own stories

This is where I will get some pushback. (I already received some here if you think it will be helpful to know what this is like.)

There are a few parts to this.

First, I want everyone to know I am not telling you what not to write or that this type of story, at least with elements of this narrative, can never be done well. However, the more care you take when writing it and the more you know about why it can be ableist, the better you will be able to write it. I’m still not sure I would want to read a book that is dedicated to this topic of accepting blindness, but who knows?

I also might feel more open to this narrative from a writer who experienced becoming disabled in some other way and was open about it. While they would still need to research blindness, some of the issues I named here could be avoided through having prior personal experience that non-disabled people simply don’t have.

If, however, you find yourself upset or feeling excluded by this post, consider what I wrote again. Consider why you think you are the best person to tell such a story with this particular arc.

I am also not saying that non-disabled writers could never write this topic well. I just question, again, what they can add to the topic of accepting blindness that blind people can’t already add. This is also assuming they were able to avoid some of the issues I listed above that might come up. Which would be difficult on top of doing all the other research they need to do in order to write a book. Why make it harder for themselves?

Now that I’m done with the disclaimers, accepting blindness should be something mostly left up to blind writers. This narrative is so closely tied to the trauma-based / incident-based blindness that it can be hard to separate them, but I feel like the readers of the blog have thought hard to suggest ways to improve or subvert that trope and the problems that go with it. Maybe they can do the same here. Maybe not.

Anyway, the reason I think it should be left to blind writers is because of the personal experience I mentioned previously. Acceptance will come from a more authentic place. Anything that comes before the acceptance will also come from an authentic place and blind writers will know how to deal these issues a little better.

Blind writers will know how to write this topic well. They can center blind readers in a way that many arcs like this don’t.

As a side note, blind writers also need more recognition and attention. This arc is specifically about or mostly about accepting blindness, which blind writers are intimately familiar with. Their stories should be prioritized in this area, at the very least.

If a non-disabled writer decided to do this topic, I think it would help to read and public ally promote books and other works by blind people.

Thank you for asking this question.

This was a really great question and I want to thank the anon for asking. I really appreciate the chance to discuss this topic. If anyone wants to expand on this question or figure out ways to subvert this arc, feel free to ask. Also, remember that I am not authority on stories about blind people, but I feel this opinion in shared by many of us and it should be known so writers can be aware.

Suggestions for alternatives.

1. Include only brief instances of acceptance and / or make it only related to blindness instead of accepting blindness as a character arc.

It will depend on how you do it, but brief, less direct instances of acceptance could be done well. One thing I’m thinking of is Toph challenging her father in The Blind Bandit. This could be seen as a form of self-acceptance for Toph, one which is related to her blindness without being the entirety of her need to accept part of herself, which gives her the courage to disrupt the view her parents have of her. Toph doesn’t struggle with being blind. She struggles with something related to being blind, which her parents being over-protective, limiting her freedom and expression, and putting her a gender role box.

The rest of Toph’s story wasn’t completely about being blind either. The writers, who weren’t blind as far as I can gather, handled this part well, and so I wanted to include it as an example.

Obviously, this can also be done badly, but that’s what beta readers are for. I personally would prefer the acceptance arc only be tangentially related to blindness, especially when combined with the trope about going blind through trauma / incidents / accidents.

2. Start in a different place.

You could start the story or character arc in a different place, rather than starting directly after going blind. This could be years later. After they already adjusted to the bigger parts of being blind. This saves you the need to figure out how to get around it.

Some parts of this ask might help.

3. Focus mostly on the practical stuff rather than the emotional side.

Focus on things like cane skills, adjusting to using screen-readers or needing to increase font sizes to read. Focus on learning to cook. Make the arc less about emotional stuff and more achieving goals. While I can understand how this might bother some blind people, I think it can work if blind readers are consulted, especially readers who went blind later in life. I wanted to include this as an option just in case people are determined to include going blind in the story. I think, if the author is careful, it could go well. A few narrative justifications for not writing the typical acceptance arc include:

-the character was already blind in some way first

-the character has a blind sibling, parent, or friend they grew up with

-the character got counseling or the story mentions they are getting counseling

Alternatively, you could also focus emotional difficulties on the traumatic incident, if there is one, and not the resulting blindness.

4. Write different stories - expand what stories about blind characters look like.

Writers have so many opportunities! I don’t see why they would feel the need to write a story primarily about going blind and learning you aren’t useless now after all, when they could be writing about a blind mermaid challenging the Mer Queen and falling in love with her instead. When they could be writing about blind space pirates creating new technology for other blind people. When they could be writing about a blind witch reclaiming their sexuality and also learning to dance to make their coven less worried about their social life after going blind.

See this post for more ideas about expanding the typical stories.

If you are creative enough, none of my claims that certain topics being best left to blind writers should stop you. If you feel limited, you might be trapped in the idea that blind people only have one narrative: trauma, sadness, helplessness, and just maybe, acceptance. If you don’t feel limited, you are in a good place.

Blind readers want other types of stories, too.

I hope this helps some of my followers. Thanks for the interesting question, anon. If anyone has any questions or would like me to clarify something, feel free to ask. I wrote this at night when I was tired. I have missed some things.

-BlindBeta

P.S. The ideas I pitched at the end are free to use if you feel inspired by any of them.

#writing blind characters #blind characters #blind people #ask #anon #acceptance narrative #trauma narrative

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neurodivergent-media · 2 years

Text

Review of Dragon Mage (minor spoilers)

Dragon Mage is a 2020 epic fantasy novel by M.L Spencer. It’s about a strange young boy and his friend who each have a rare and special gift. Magic-related events thrust them from their sleepy fishing village into a dangerous world of sorcerers, dragons and undead beasts.

The protagonist, Aramon Raythe, is autistic. The word is never explicitly used since it's set in a different world, which has typical medieval-esque technology and science but it’s clear from how the character is written.

Analysis under the cut

He struggles with eye contact, especially when younger. He generally has a lot of difficulty with social situations, often not getting jokes or figures of speech and speaking his mind when considered rude to do so. He often notices or takes interest in things other people don’t take much notice of.

He fidgets with twine when nervous and struggles with maintaining hygiene when older. He gets intensely absorbed in tasks and hates being interrupted from something he's doing. He likes to keep his food items separated, and symmetrical on his plate, and has sensory issues with wool. These factors lead to one of my main criticisms of the book, but I'll get to that a bit later.

He is bullied and mistreated as a child and is known in his home village to be "slow"/"slow-witted" and frequently called a moron and similar ableist terms.

He has a special interest in knots, although part of this turns out to be due to his magic ancestry (it’s a little hard to explain, but luckily it doesn’t go fully into the whole “characters neurodiversity is actually just powers” trope).

The positive aspects include that Aram is explicitly described as having brown skin, which makes a nice change when so many autistic characters are white. Also, I found it refreshing to have an autistic protagonist in a fantasy piece of media, and it's something I personally would like to see more frequently. it seems autistic characters tend to be seen mostly in stories set in "real-life" and don't often get to be powerful heroes either.

Also, It's frequently expressed that what makes him different and "strange" are what makes him who he is, and good at what he does. And his best friend Markus is supportive without being overprotective; the brotherly bond the two share was heart-warming to read. Aram also wends up having a love interest who appreciates him for who he is. Also, apparently the author is autistic.

My main complaint is regarding how Aram is treated by the mentor character - made to mix and mash up all his food items together on his plate and eat it. This is an exhausting, sickening experience for Aram but he is made to continue to do it, along with sleeping with a wool blanket, as these sensory issues are said to be "weaknesses" to be overcome. While he is undergoing very tough training to become a rare, powerful and important warrior (a Champion), it seemed unnecessary, as it didn’t exactly have anything to do with his process of becoming a Champion - it wasn't as if the armour he had to wear caused sensory issues for example. It felt all the worse as the narrative seemed to condone this part of his training, all the more surprising as the author is actually autistic. I feel like it sends a potentially dangerous message for neurotypicals, and echoes a sentiments that all too many people have, that autistic people can just "get over" their sensory issues. All too often hypersensitivities like these are dismissed and demands are placed on the autistic person to overcome them rather than for adaptations to be made. This is often detrimental to the autistic's mental and even physical health. This part gave me ABA vibes and almost made me want to stop reading. But as this was a proportionally small part of a very large book however, and other than that I was enjoying the story and characters, and I managed to overlook it and keep reading.

On the whole I found it an enjoyable story in its own right, with a compelling plot, likeable characters and interesting worldbuilding (including good dragons!) Aram himself was a very likeable character that you can’t help but root for.

If you’re specifically seeking autistic representation, you might want to give this a pass. But if you’re a fan of fantasy (and dragons!) and the autistic protagonist is a special bonus, then I’d recommend it.

Trigger warnings for: ableism, a lot of graphic violence - including some blood and gore, torture, child abuse, animal death and attempted suicide

#actuallyautistic #dragon mage #reviews #novels #autistic representation #mod violet

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retconjuration · 3 years

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elaborate on autistic lanque pls 🤲

oh, don’t mind if i do. before i begin:

this contains some major spoilers for hiveswap: act 2, and some minor spoilers for lanque’s friendsim routes(but those have been out for like three years).

disclaimer: i don’t care if you disagree, i’m not claiming this as canon, i am autistic and projecting.

now that that’s out of the way.

point one: possibly the most important thing to note is that lanque is incredibly good at masking. given this quote from his wiki:

“Lanque's writer has stated that both of his Friendsim routes are heavily exaggerated for comedic purposes, with one being more true to his actual personality. As shown by his attitude in Hiveswap: Act 2, it's heavily implied his NSFW route is the truer one. However, this leaves his personality to be drawn from his Friendsim routes to be dubious for readers to interpret what the actual "balance" of his personality is.”

the actual tweet has been deleted, but one of the assumptions that can be made from this is that both the sfw and nsfw routes are, in some way, true to his personality. this would mean that he is actively and drastically changing the way he interacts with the people around him according to the setting, or through imitation. effectively this would make him a social chameleon, another thing often attributed to autistic masking.

and the idea of constant masking fits, given his whole Thing- he’s already being set apart from all the other jades by his transness, and from how he acts in act 2(this will be mentioned later), he doesn’t quite enjoy this difference being pointed out. it would make sense that, given the opportunity to hide something that would lead to more attention(maybe more accurately, attention he doesn’t like), he would take it. this being said, i don’t think lanque sees his transness or unchecked neurodivergence as a bad thing- rather, he sees how other people treat him for it as annoying and something to avoid.

point two: lanque seems to have a very strange range of emotions. while he usually presents as very calm, when he does express true emotion(like when he’s caught off guard by the reader shouting for bronya), its often overstated, and in some cases, a total non sequitur from what came before. the way he reacts in the valid ending scene specifically reminds me of times when i have been startled out of masking- especially since he goes from formal prose straight to “what the fuck, dude?”

the only time he expresses emotions neurotypically is when he’s doing it through another medium(his poetry in the sfw route).

point three: lanque repeatedly is shown to not be the best at conveying or reading tone.

at the start of his sfw route, lynera ends up rambling on about something or other. it’s immensely awkward.

lanque doesn’t register it as such, and while this could just be attributed to sfw lanque’s overexaggerated kindness, i raise you: i’m building a case here, let me twist my evidence.

in his nsfw route, we have some gems such as:

lanque is shown to use a tone entirely unfitting of the words that he’s saying, and its specified that this demeanor is nearly indistinguishable from how he was acting before. could this just be an example of professional bitching? yes. play on my court for a second, though

and perhaps my favorite example of lanque totally misreading tone/a situation in general(which is both the aforementioned act 2 scene AND an example of his abnormal reactions to things) is the scene where joey asks lanque about the hatched2dance magazine from lynera’s locker. immediately, he (incorrectly, and without much reason except prior experience) assumes that joey’s intention was to harangue him about being a male jadeblood.

after joey specifies what she meant, he refuses to respond until xefros tries to actually ask him about being a male jadeblood, and lanque tells them to fuck off. personally i think this is as close to embarrassment as lanque will willingly show in public

point four: lanque is Painfully straightforward. this is obvious in the everything about him, but best summed up with:

lanque sees no use in not just saying what he means, which often leads to him being(often rightfully) seen as a bitch. again, it’s hard to say things for certain with what little content there is, but i wouldn’t be surprised if some of the things he says- for instance certain parts of his calling out lynera(mostly the parts about her talking shit, not the parts where he’s outright insulting her) were just intended as honesty, rather than animosity. this is a common trait in autism, but i see a lot of neurotypicals look over it because it’s seen as rudeness. ultimately he still uses that honesty to be a bitch on purpose on several occasions, so don’t take this as me saying he’s free of flaws or whatever

another thing i like to point out, though admittedly it’s much more of a stretch, is this bit where lanque has to ask for specification when joey uses a less direct method of asking him what he thinks of the other jades:

take that as you will

point five: mildly connected to point four, lanque shows possibly one of the most out-there forms of rejection when it comes to social norms. he’s able to skate by in the wider lens of alternia because people of most castes participate in shitty parties, but doing it as a jadeblood gives it an entirely different context.

he also(and this is maybe half speculation, but let me be) seems to have issues sticking with quadrants as a rigid construct. when bronya says this to lanque:

many people took it as evidence that lanque was abusive to his partners. and if people want to hold that headcanon, i really don’t care, because it can be an accurate reading of how he is presented in the nsfw route specifically. my personal opinion, however, given that his personality is said to be exaggerated in these routes, is guided by this section from his sfw route’s poem:

i believe that lanque is just extremely prone to vacillation, because he doesn’t truly grasp why quadrants are divided in the way that they are, only that others “press” him to do the dividing. thats autistic attitudes towards social constructs baby

point six(and here’s where the trial spoilers come in): lanque has a very unusual way of solving problems, apparently. when confronted with the issue of his impending ordeals and the idea of having to spend his life as a celibate space nun, lanque’s solution is.... to attempt to join a boy band, using the chaos of the trial(that He caused by stealing the book) as his cover. when joey presents this theory to tyzias(a theory that lanque confirms is more or less correct before chucking joey off of the train), she responds with:

meaning that not only are his problem solving skills out of the box to joey, but to other trolls as well.

there’s also something to be said about how little he values personal space, but i’m wary of claiming that as an autistic trait of his, and if it is, he is very purposefully weaponizing it.

oh, and point seven: i’m autistic and i want him to be

thanks for reading

#long post #lanque bombyx #hiveswap friendsim #hiveswap #homestuck

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