#not a single extremely bad scene or something to make fun of online
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okay! it wasn't half as bad as i thought it could be. it has that vibe that i would call a mixture of spn/tvd and the originals (because new orleans) with a sprinkle of riverdale asfsdhfgjfdgj also i don't feel the 70s there idk it just looks like spn. i unironically like carlos and latika, john is. dare i say i like how he is played and what can i say. he is kind of cute. mary's straight hair is an unforgivable crime and i do find her a little annoying (like i find betty cooper in riverdale annoying. the action girl who is so righteous) but she is not that bad. the main plot is whatever, i personally couldn't care less about the plot but i will continue watching for the characters. also hearing and seeing dean winchester on my screen when the last i saw of him was the finale night when he died and i cried my eyes out for 3 hours afterwards because i was heartbroken, well, seeing him again was cathartic. healing. i would only like to fucking know who is he narrating to and where he is and when he is. the road and everything looked as empty as heaven in the finale but. i guess. the answers will come soon enough. also if cas isn't at least mentioned somewhere along the way i wiil personally sue danneel ackles. but i sincerely hope the show doesn't get cancelled before they get to finish the season (like cw did with constantine 2014. unforgivable.) hell i hope they get a second one because hey, more spn means more spn and i wouldn't mind new content for my brainrot.
#this got long but what the hell my blog my opinions anyway whats almost surprising to me is how not memeifyable (?) this ep was#i know a lot of people including myself were like i will watch for the memes at least but honey there is nothing to meme here#not a single extremely bad scene or something to make fun of online#i will count that as a good thing you know#the winchesters#spn prequel
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The Yakuza's Bias Volume 1: Stan Culture X Criminal Underworld
Teki Yatsuda, the author of The Yakuza's Bias, has now had both of their works licensed in English within a single year. Considering there's only two however, there's almost more than a world of difference between the tragic and heart wrenching one shot A Home Far Away, and the incredibly humorous and over the top The Yakuza's Bias. Does that difference stop either from being outstanding reads? Absolutely not.
A Yakuza boss stanning a K-Pop idol isn't exactly the kind of thing you'd think of when "gag" or "comedy" manga comes to mind, but it's here, and I had no idea I needed it this bad. Yatsuda's character designs continue to be incredible, and their art remains impressively detailed and expressive in all the right ways. In this case, more than the subtle emotions and conflictions that plagued Yatsuda's last suite of characters, this time around it's all about conveying the crazy, and they nailed it.
Yatsuda's able to reconcile their very detailed and sharp character designs with smoother and more simple ones to sell the comedy, and I think it's something that should really be commended. Finding a way to preserve style through a lack of detail isn't easy, and they make it seem like it's effortless with the amount of variations they have throughout the first volume.
Similarly effortless is Yatsuda's merging of Yakuza and idol culture. Two extremes within the social sphere that, rather than clash, mesh hilariously well, and produce scenes like this one
And in truth, I think that effortless meshing of idol and Yakuza comes down to Yatsuda's approach. There's a clear lacking of a straight man through effectively all of its humor, so it's almost similar to something like D-Frag! in how it approaches comedy. Just so off the rails that you have nothing to compare it to, so it feels perfectly at home so long as it's funny.
And funny it is. The lead male character, Ken (the second in command of the clan he's a part of), has such a ridiculously fun personality. He's the kind of person that once he starts talking he can't shut up, and it produces some of the funniest skits and ideas you'll come across, like getting into a deep conversation about the idol group MNW with a hostess at a club that gets so emotional you end up buying a couple of bottles.
Past that, there's not really much else to say. It's incredibly hilarious, and continually finds ways to reinvent the wheel with its humor a la The Way of The HouseHusband, and it comfortably wades into the details and world of idol and stan culture. It provides all sorts of info and discussions surrounding this like merch swaps and social media cliques, and even stages several idol arguments in different capacities.
Comedy manga is definitely one of the hardest things to sell people on because of varying senses of humor, but I can't stress enough that people should be trying The Yakuza's Bias. K-Pop fans and Yakuza (parody) fans will certainly fall in love with this first volume, but even outside of those specifics, I think there's plenty for everyone to laugh at with this outlandish concept from Yatsuda. So, if you can, go out and buy this first volume, and if you can't, at least give it a shot online.
#the yakuza's bias#the yakuzas bias#yakuza no oshigoto#やくざの推しごと#comedy manga#gag manga#shoujo#shojo#shoujosei#shojosei#shojo manga#shoujo manga#manga review#manga recommendation#anime and manga#manga
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I thought this was going to be an extremely busy two months for me at work and it mostly has been, but so I've been playing a lot of games lately to decompress when I get home. I went from Alan Wake 2 (which is exactly my kind of thing, at least aesthetically-- I just thought that was a really neat game) to Spider-man 2, which... and I liked Spider-man 1 fine, but the sequel somehow feels different / worse...
Spider-man 2 is a celebration of the one thing that makes Spider-man great to the designers-- which is of course, hang-gliding. Who can think of Spider-man without thinking about hang-gliding? Not whoever made Spider-man 2.
But then the weird part is inbetween all the hang-gliding, every single character talks like a 2015 Joss Whedon acceptance speech for an award for feminism (I'm not sure which one, he won many, but). Everyone's trying to sound hip but in a way that feels very much written by someone who's online too much, and on like the YA parts of the internet. Which I don't remember being true of the first game.
Spider-man listens to podcasts while he hang-glides, as you do when you're bored with your life (me, hang-gliding Spider-man, guys who work late night security, people who need to buy mattressess, murder-afficianados-- we're all podcast listeners). And the people on the podcasts will talk in this weird tone that's somewhere between Xeni Jardin saying "Homie what set you from" and a NPR host telling you about new developments in fiber supplements... One of the podcasters started rambling about the importance of hydration and doing mental health at one point. I... thought we would be ... fighting supervillains...???
And then inbetween the podcasts, the game is like "Do you want to be Miles Morales from the entertaining Spiderverse movies? Except in our game, Miles Morales is not on an entertaining adventure at all-- he spends all of his time learning valuable lessons about civic pride and the importance to NYC's vibrant food scene of immigrants honoring their roots. It's so important for immigrants not to forget where they came from while also feeling welcome to teach us about the spices they brought with them to their new home in the United States."
There was one level where Miles Morales helps high school kids take photos for a yearbook, and the game says "now go take photos of the high school's eSports team-- you know, a job for Spider-man." So I say, okay, what do those kids look like? And the game yelled "they look like everyone else, it's wrong to judge people based on how they look! This isn't that kind of game! We're a post-looks society, you fool!" And I was like oh okay, now I have to run around a large high school campus taking photos of random children in the hopes they might be gamers within a game, so I can complete this "mission", which... I don't think that's something you want to encourage gamers to do!! Stay away from the high schools, gamers!
The character Venom showed up and told me he was trying to get the corporation he was in charge of to do diversity when it hires people. Is that... is that from the comics?? I didn't read those comics, so I'm not sure. It's not even what they're saying though-- it's that it all just sounds so inauthentic to how people talk. It just all seems like a goody-goody lecture that will never end. I'm sure it's heart is in the right place, but it's just not well crafted.
It's just not really the experience I expected to be having (but it's been a strange month generally). And as a game, it's not fun at all, so far (even though the first game, which was the exact same thing, was fun-- go figure). The fighting just feels bad. It's nearly been voted like Game of the Year, though. So I guess I'm in the minority on this one. But if Spiderman 2 has taught me anything, it's that being a minority means I can contribute to NYC's juggling scene, and make real contributions that honor the past... while also pointing the way to the future. Time to juggle! Get me some bowling pins!
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Last Monday of the Week 2022-10-03
Several parts for a project got lost in the mail and if I don't blow up a motor doing something ill-advised with transistors soon I'm going to become the Joker.
Listening: I went to see the Ndlovu Youth Choir, a youth music group out of Limpopo who became extremely well known after they got on America's Got Talent a few years ago. Great style, they do a wide array of different styles and songs over a pretty wide time period, here's two songs:
youtube
youtube
Reading: Mostly scraps of SCP stuff, but a bad week for reading
Watching: Finished Arcane. God damn. Yes I know it's been like a year since that came out shut up.
It's so good. The animation is beautiful, it's so carefully considered, there's so few shortcuts taken. There's a scene where Jayce throws up on the bridge and it's a really close shot that sells the physicality of vomiting so well, it's messy and unpleasant. Another studio might have cut to a really long silhouette shot for that kind of thing. The Ekko/Jinx fight might be one of the best fights in the show. Even basic conversations have thoughtful blocking and framing, very little simple shot/reverse, there's always a focus on body parts and movements.
It's very predictable, which is probably because it's very character driven and the characters don't change much, you could write a comprehensive study of most characters on a post-it. There's a few major pivotal moments and twists for a few characters which are huge, but for the most part you can just run what you know about them forward to predict what happens next. Even having no knowledge of LoL you can guess that the Firelighters are led by Ekko in like zero seconds.
Jinx and Jayce are the main sources of unpredictability but that's because she's Da Joker Baby and paranoid and has psychosis, and he's a very smart boy who doesn't know what he's doing so the moment someone suggests any kind of solution to him he immediately does it without thinking.
Every single characters' design slaps. They did not make the mistake of trying to be sensible. Why is the cop uniform kind of demure but hot in a sexy maid kind of way? How does Jinx maintain twin braids longer than she is while also being on fire some of the time? How does Ekko fight with all that stuff on? These are not questions to ask. The question to ask is how fucking cool does this look and the answer is very.
The levels of tragedy are off the charts. Every second episode there's an opportunity for things to be resolved and for peace to succeed and everyone to talk and it doesn't happen ever.
Viktor and Jayce should have fucked at some point if only to make the breakup even worse.
Playing: Brought my desktop's storage back online so I have somewhere to put games again, but I haven't actually done much with it. Fortunately since I moved to Arch again my Proton is more stable, I got Ace Combat working under Linux.
Making: weekend making time was lost to a number of minor emergencies, but I did have to pop a door off its hinges because the lock completely failed which was fun. Unfortunately it was the door to the toolshed so I had to scrabble together the tools to do said pin popping from whatever tools I keep in my desk.
Tools and Equipment: Treating a minor injury in the family so here's a reminder to check your first aid kits, I had to run out and grab a bunch of non-absorbing gauze because we were all out.
I'm currently in the process of stocking a more severe trauma care kit for the family because my dad is on anti-clotting and blood thinning medication for a while which makes all his wounds one level of severity worse, so also learn how to use Chest Seals and Tourniquets, there's good online resources but you can probably also find a Stop The Bleed training course near you, it's a big international programme.
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hi rei! can you give me tips on how to write like you and improve my vocabulary? please i badly wanna write so good like you 😭😭😭😭
HELLO ANON!!!!! dhdhkf thank you sm 😿 that's such a huge compliment, tyvm!! <3
i'm not the best person to ask something like that bc even tho i've been speaking english since i was born, i still don't feel like my english is the best ?? ANW i'm not a pro writer but here are the tips that i use 😻😻
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i really like using synonyms instead of the word i first thought of when writing!!
for example, if i was gonna write “he likes champagne”, i change it to “he adores champagne”, or even something a bit more fancy (?) like “he relishes the champagne's bitter taste” (THAT SUCKED IM SORRYBUT YKWIM). when i do that i feel like my writing gets richer / better in some sense.
i don't like to keep repeating words or the same sentence structure, but i frequently can't jump out of it by myself. so what i do is search up “sentence starters” when i'm REALLY stuck and can't move on with my scene.
dictionaries (online or physical) are absolute LIFESAVERS !!! they normally have synonyms for the words so 🙏🙏 they're a blessing when you don't want to keep repeating the same thing over and over :)) this site is also amazing for adjective synonyms <3
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i also like putting details in the work instead of letting the whole thing plain...
...but sometimes i struggle with these details. like i tried to show in the first tip, it's cooler if you try to add things related to the five senses instead of only vision and audition (at least from my point of view).
like, when you're talking to someone, you're not only seeing their face and listening to them. depending on the environment, you're also smelling scents, feeling things w your hands or pain in your body, tasting something, or even thinking about a different thing that's not what your companion is talking about. these feelings also help to make the text richer!!
for example, imagine that two people are walking around the city and talking about pancakes (?), and the details are in bold :)
“pancakes with maple syrup are awful,” mary cringes, stuffing her left pocket with her manicured hand. “how can people enjoy it?”
daniel nods fervently. “exactly my thoughts!”
his knees falter, limbs burning after walking for three hours incessantly. daniel ponders for a minute while his friend keeps babbling, and his stomach rumbles. “yeah, but seriously, i'd eat a pile of pancakes with syrup right now if i could. i'm starving to death here.”
see ?? if you removed them, the text would still be good, but the details help the reader (and you) to imagine the scene more clearly.
OH but if you're struggling w them like i said i do sometimes, don't get attached to these details. in other words, don't stop or get stuck in a scene simply because you can't put loooots of small things. you don't need to overdo it. keep writing fun by making it enjoyable to you.
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talking about writing being enjoyable...
don't compare your writing to other person's writing and enjoy the process!!
what you do is unique and amazing. a thing that i learned here on tumblr is that there are times when you hate your writing, but lots of people enjoy it. 85% of the time i post a work that i despised, and think that i could do better. but when i see comments or reblogs w feedback i feel extremely happy because ppl liked it :)
+ even if you don't get a lot of feedback, don't think that your writing is bad, because it's not. every single writer in this world is still learning how to write. and don't write for the others, but firstly, write to yourself. try out new things or stay in your comfort zone, you don't need to make anyone happy but yourself, okay?
+ don't compare the amount of words you write with the others or things like that. i see lots of authors putting word trackers for their fics, and that's not wrong in any way but v cool!!! but if you feel pressured by those because your fic is not being written with the same pace that the other person, ignore it! write things on your own time.
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now, the not too enjoyable part
always plan your work before writing it !!!!!!!
yes, it sucks. yes, it is boring as hell. but at least have an outline (it can be a veeery big one) for your work. if you're feeling inspired, just go brainstorming ideas messily, and then sort their order out.
like, you can just write “they meet each other at X place, they become friends, they discover something about the other's past, they fight, they make up, end.”, or make it v detailed w dialogues and other things. you can make a simplified outline and write more ideas for the scenes as time goes by!!
i follow the “introduction > development > climax > ending” pattern. obviously, you don't need to follow it too or write an even amount of paragraphs for each one. again, writing should be fun, so make it fun!
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this tip is related to planning so :) yea
when you're writing a scene but can't go on, move to the next scene
even if you planned it out detail to detail, you may not get to write the moment exactly like you wanted every time. when this happens, it's better that you move on to the next one that you really wanted to write, and let the other to rot LMAO. just get back to writing it when you feel like you're ready, and try to not pressure yourself to write it or listen to anyone who might be pressuring you!
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last tip (?) more like a personal opinion.
i don't like to read other people's works to get inspiration from them / observe how they write. it just doesn't work for me because i feel like i don't get any inspiration at all or improve my vocabulary because of that (i still love to read tho 😿😿). plus, i think that getting inspiration from a fixed person might result on you subconsciously copying them once in a while, that's why i never read analyzing anyone's writing.
if it works for you though, do read lots of works while observing the author's mannerisms and things like that!
but however howbeit nonetheless yet anyway anyhow ‼️‼️ read a lot, even if you take or not inspiration from other works. it's important to always consume content to help your creativity flow better :D
oh and random fact ? but i revise my works on grammarly so it might help you too if you don't have a beta reader !!
again, i'm not a professional! these are the things i do when writing, and i hope they'll help you too!!! <3
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Sorry, This one's gonna be a long one cause nobody I know in real life cares about kpop.you don't have to answer, it's just a rant😅. But the way my heart dropped while reading all the debunking evidence in the link you sent.
I only got into kpop like a few months ago but of course past scandals pop up and like getting into stray kids obviously you discover the woojin scandal. For some reason that case and soojin's case are just haunting (maybe I'm too emotional).
And honestly it's frightening and sickening any random person can ruin some else's career simply because they have decided they don't like this person, or were bored. And they delete their accusations online and even say they were bored which is just psychotic behaviour.
What's even worse than that is it actually works! They do manage to hurt an idols reputation forever. Like yeah others say SM might be working behind the scenes and will eventually take action, but while they silently "work behind the scenes" an idol's carefully crafted reputation gets publicly destroyed. Idk if the situation will be resolved this year but the blatantly racist remarks, cyberbullying and "jokes" will follow lucas for a long time and it's just so frustrating to watch.
Why is it so easy to screw over an idol. As if idols don't go through enough from their own companies, fans, general public(being overworked, or ignored completely, extreme dieting not allowed to date or behave like a human with a personalitysometimes)...like the least they can do is publicly protect their idols who make them money. Writing an apology letter and disappearing cannot work every single time. "If it isn't broke don't fix it" well this method is horribly broken, find a new formula. Why hire lawyers for a company and not publicly make statements about investigations and taking action whether it's true or false?? Isn't that the normal thing to do?💀💀
It's just such a 180 for an international fan because cheating and bullying, while absolutely bad are not incentives to cancel someone over.
And hate the fact that fake r*pe and SA allegations get the spotlight and get heard whole real victims are attacked, made fun of or simply ignored. These topics are serious yet are dismissed and someone lying about it just makes them into a bigger joke and harder for victims to get some justice. Really just hate how warped it all is in general, not just in the music industry.
It's also weird because now that I hear it's common for someone to come out with someone when nct plans to release something, I'm more anxious than excited for nct 127's comeback but I hope it successfully happens. And I feel like wayv will still exist because of the SM schedule you also posted (bless you for continously having links and posts and giving us hope it might publiclyand drastically change by Decemberor even next year).
It's just overall frustrating I guess? Because liking SM foreign kpop idols seems to be more of an emotional rollercoaster ride than anything (e.g💀they seem to be locked up in the dungeon , looking at you winwin and shotaro). Like SM is terrible at promoting their idols but wow it's even worse for second gen idols and foreign idols. That's why we love the SM artists not the whole company itself because music companies all over the world are just....wow to say the least.
In conclusion, I just hope lucas is okay and that when things get publicly cleared he'll still be the loud, chaotic talented guy he is. And that when he comes back he isn't bullied or attacked for still being in nct, wayv and superm. Too many antis are enjoying being on the bandwagon when it comes to nct.
Aww, anon, I want to give you a hug...
I agree with every single thing you said.
I'm glad the links and stuff I post make you feel better, I spend a lot of time on Twitter and reddit looking for stuff and checking for updates.
The thing about those antis that are saying those things about Lucas (and will keep saying them regardless of what is proven) is that they were never really fans. They were the people who claimed to be fans and then made colorist "jokes" and insulted him and when they were called out for it, deleted their tweets and just retweeted those things on priv...
From now on regardless of what happens the truth is that most of these people will keep believing that he did these things. I saw a Woojin TikTok today (it showed up on my fyp) and half the comments were questioning why he could continue his career, completely ignoring (or just bring new fans and going by what they hear from other fans) that he has been proven innocent by the Seoul police department....
I hope Lucas's is ok, and that things can go back to normal soon.
(sorry if I sound weird I just got my 2nd shot of the vaccine and it gave me a killer headache)
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Sorry not to be rude ( I prolly worded this better in my head lol ) but when people say "isayama doesn't owe us anything" fr writing a bad ending or whatever, I laugh because he does??? ?? We are the audience , aot is source of income where do you think the money comes from? A fucking tree? It's a give & take relationship. As viewers we have the very right to criticize and ask for a better ending but in 139's case that's not even good enough, we need proper explanation for so many plot holes hello?? Even Isa himself believes that he needs to make the majority happy which is precisely why he went online searching for reviewed and comments from ppl. That's why it's a fan service ending bc the vast majority are either Ems who thrash ehs or ship em by default + ema Stans. And yes he did admit to making changes due to his editors in the past and if that ain't evident enough for the possibility that the ending in fact was charged last minute. Yes isayama can make mistake he is a human and he even said he regrets the ending which clearly tells us that it's the not the ending he wanted. Idk ppl be like "fans think as if they can make better ending" but yes it's true they can actually🤨 , if Isa himself isn't happy with it that means someone else CAN in fact make a better ending because surprise surprise Isa isn't the ONLY ONE with an understanding to his story and decent reading comprehension. It's okay to admit the ending was bad just because the entire series until that point has been a masterpiece, criticism isn't disrespectful it's having common sense to not blindly love what your favs puts out. Em Shipers are now screaming "y'all don't understand the interview" the fuck? How long are they gonna gaslight EHS even after continually getting what they want when are they gonna stop acting like it's not just EHs who didn't like the ending. Eh, Eren being the father made sense for the plotline, unbiased people can have no trouble admitting that. Em was picked up from the trash as a wallmart version of Romeo & Juliet ( even then they lacked "true love" concept by 100% ) at the cost of mikasa's character development. I remember defending 138 and I quote myself saying "isayama gave Mikasa the development of a lifetime" but now I can't even say that anymore because caniconally there is no evidence that supports that anymore. And I'm open to Mikasa critcisism bc i actually cared about her as an individual character. The way the news of Eren X Mikasa love comedy upseted me is because even as a joke we are gonna be stuck in that "Mikasa showed Erne how to love 😍😍💔" agenda with that collection 🤢🤢. Whatever the fuck I do not care anymore ( but I really do ) I just hope what we get for rivamika adds to the theory of Mikasa moving on and does not mess up our healing pace as fandom, I rest my case. 🕳️🏃♀️
Hi my dear @ackermanshoe and thank you for this looong ask!
Okay joking apart, I agree with you. “Isayama doesn’t owe us anything” doesn’t make sense; when you post something online, it isn’t yours anymore. AOT is famous worldwide, he hasn’t written it just to keep it in a drawer of his desk. He’s giving us something, which is the time and “effort” he puts in creating the story, and we are giving him something else, popularity and money, that obviously doesn’t make happiness but we must accept that it is important. I don’t think he’s the type of person that just cares about the money; if he was, he would have stopped with season 3 but despite the fact that he was tired he decided to give aot a conclusion with the last arc that unfortunately ended the way we know. So I think that something happened; for me, it’s both his readers’ and editor’s fault. He probably saw many of them disliking the Marley Arc and when the editor talked with him about Erem*ka and the other fanservice shits we got in 139, he just said “ok fine” since he was tired of everyone. Rereading 139, the Erem*ka scenes really look like some kind of sarcastic criticisms towards their relationship. It looks like he made fun of it since everything is really absurd and stupid. And even if he didn’t owe us anything, we would have had the right to express our disappointment; when you work with audience you have to be ready to accept compliments and criticisms. Those excuses to me sounds like the words of an e* that doesn’t accept others opinion about their “canon” ship ☠🤡 They don’t understand that it’s not about shipping, everyone who just looked deeper into the story and wanted and expected the best for the last chapter didn’t like it, even non shippers. Some say it’s fine because everyone is alive but i don’t understand how can you say they are alive when their characters were fucking ruined, they are physically alive but those are not the characters we knew, especially Eren. Even non shippers said that Erehisu made more sense than E*, their ship is completely baseless; we have not misinterpreted the story for 11 years it was just obvious that Eren didn’t love Mikasa; it was confirmed various times that he saw her as a mum and not as a lover and where’s this extreme care he felt for Historia. When did he show that care for Mikasa ☠🤡??? He was ready to kill all his friends, including her. And the “Mikasa taught Eren how to love” is so disgusting that i can’t believe someone actually has the audacity to say that. What love? Does it look like love to you? When you love someone you want the their happiness and Eren said that he didn’t want Mikasa to be happy. He treated her like an object and that’s not romantic, AT ALL. It’s not about shipping it’s just that you have a completely wrong mentality if you think that treating a woman, a man, or basically a breathing human being like that is fine. Mikasa deserves more than a man like Eren, she deserves someone that respects her and loves her. I can’t believe there’s someone in this world that thinks that it’s an healthy relationship. Look, if you are an Erem*ka shipper and you think that their relationship is fine you better leave my blog because, honestly, a person with this wrong mentality doesn’t deserve my respect. Now, I’m sorry for this long post, but I had to vent out my frustration about e*.
These are just opinions but I don’t regret a single word that is written here.
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The Haunting Of Queen Mary's Castle- C.B ~P.1☆
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Main Masterlist
Colby Brock Masterlist
Summary: Sam and Colby had the bright idea to drag their friends to Scotland, and where would the perfect video location be? How about Queen Mary’s haunted castle? It didn’t help that aspiring physic, Y/N wasn’t too happy to head out of the country, but Colby was there to help. And maybe he wanted something more than being there to help her. Could the spirits be on his side for once?
Word Count: 4k
Date Uploaded: 8/31/20
Warnings: Cursing
A/N: This fic is from the vault. I wrote this around January of this year, I start school again in two days and the work and stress load is going to be horrible, especially with it being half in person, half online. I hope to get some more creativity back when more pressure is put on me. I have plenty of ideas with just not enough passion and time. It’ll trickle back one day.
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
“Holy Shit…” Colby held his camera closer to his chest as he walked closer towards the breathtaking Neidpath Castle. It’s aura seemed to engulf the curiosity of the young man. His friends splurged on a ten hour trip to Scotland for a quick Youtube video series, he knew near the end, half of them would be begging to go home. The comical routine played its key role in every single episode, no matter what the occasion was. It did make good money to be completely honest. Although, that wasn’t the main focus of their careers. He found himself under a tall bridge-like banister connecting its way to the entire estate. Next to him was his long time roommate, Corey. He sported a bright yellow hoodie in large contrast with Colby’s black one. It was sort of funny, each of his friends had a unique personality, yet connected so well. Of course, they were wearing their own merch. It helped the sales go up, not to mention it was awfully comfortable. A perk to the business if you say.
“And we thought the church was cool…” Sam, Colby’s best friend and other handler of the videography series on their channel, gaped in front of him. This place was bigger than any other private plot they’ve ever visited! It was a couple thousand dollars to rent out for the night, but with the palace’s history it was born to make a hefty income.
“We have this all to ourselves!” Colby nudged Sam, he handed the camera off to his friend Jake, who was talking a mile a minute to the other attendees. A new face poked out of the regular bunch.
“Are you gonna catch me when I get scared, Y/N?” Jake stuck his face in the view of the content woman. Her persona seemed quite drained due to the long trip. She was partially new to the Youtube platform, especially with ghost hunting. Not like Y/N was easily frightened, unlike her friends, it just wasn’t her go to for a cheap thrill. Nerves were indefinitely strained, since it was the first time out with the entire group. Nothing Jake couldn’t fix.
Her laugh trickled out blissfully, ”Wouldn’t Tara get jealous? You don't want to get on her bad side? Do you?” He quickly shook his head and gave a hesitant reply with his sheepish smile.
“We get this all to ourselves?” Colby queried. This place was double the size of the Trap House by far, they had to be scared shitless by the time they left. There had to be some sort of restrictions or a down sided catch to it all.
“Did you do any research on this place?” Y/N slid up behind the unfocused main man, a small quirk to her. Colby jumped a smidge in light shock. He wasn’t expecting anyone to be genuinely interested with the property. Colby mentally cursed for being so jumpy.
“Jesus Y/N, you scared the shit out me.” He replied, not answering the girl’s question. Y/N met Sam and Colby way back in highschool. Each of them slithered their way into the other’s channels and have made frequent appearances. They definitely weren’t strangers, even though it seemed that way with fans. Y/N had more paranormal encounters out of all of the boys, despite a bit of distaste towards the topic. She was lugged around on long adventures to help them with videos. Some of her videos ranged from ‘‘accidentally’ joining a cult to “selling her soul”. She was the wicca-pedia they needed to not get possessed each trip.
“Ok pussy.” She walked off to talk to Corey, the pair oddly all had a strong connection from somewhere, and Colby sighed as to quickly put on his cheery online persona once more.
Sam waved up at a vacant window as the group, “Hello!” The woman replied unknowingly and aroused quite a shock of embarrassment. A faint giggling came from the couple in the back, “No,no, I do it better.” Corey got a hold of herself, “A Ra-Ta-Ta-tah.” The two burst back into their ceremonial laughs and briefed on about some TikToks they watched on the remotely silent ride from the airport.
Sam turned back around to see the shorter woman. Notwithstanding her first place in line, “How is he gonna get a kiss kiss? Very ugly to me!” The duo rounded up to each other and laughed on their way up the trail, leaving the others confused and focused on talking to the groundskeeper.
“I’m assuming you are the caretaker of this?” The blonde one waved more at the older woman. She seemed more on the reserved side and peeled her eyes at the sight of a camera. A lovely addition to the already uncomfortable scene.
The woman gracefully approached Sam, “Yes, Yes I am. My name is Katrina.” Sam went on with the lady into a dark back door. The young adults glanced on in uncertainty.
“Yo, why are they going off by themselves?” Colby asked Jake. The first rule of all of their videos was not to go off by yourself. Bad shit always follows. “He literally was like-”
“He’s been looking at her ass like all day.” Jake joked back, Corey attentively diverted himself from Y/N to get a jump in on whatever that conversation had morphed to.
“That’s whatever the fuck he was doing.” They all snickered and continued on with the inappropriate jokes. Editing this would be like a field day to Reggie.
“Is Kat gonna think…” Colby looked around jokingly, getting another round of laughter from the friends.
“I don’t know..” Colby softly replied. He pressed on to dumbfoundedly impersonate Sam’s girlfriend, “Oh it’s not cheating if he’s not in the same country.”
“It’s sexual relations Jake.” Y/N whispered at him. They continued to poke fun out of the cougar-lady, but her and Sam rushed back soon enough. Just in time to ask questions.
“Uh, that was pretty much the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” Sam pulled everyone aside with a smug look on his face. He honestly always had one of those. The blank stares that were thrown back at him weren’t what he expected.
“Uh Sam what does that mean.” Jake chuckled. He looked around at everyone not able to catch on. The seriousness of the situation began to settle as everyone genuinely thought Sam could have done some weird shit with that groundskeeper.
“All I have say is that was quick man…” Colby scraped some gunk off of her nails while waiting for following instructions.
Sam obviously didn’t understand, “To fill you guys in I had to learn, kind of, where all the specific light switches were. I didn’t even look around. I just kinda looked at the ground until she saw.”
“You were like that’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” Colby turned the camera to focus on him and Jake mocking Sam’s slight happiness by seeing fancy rocks.
“It was only the stairs!” Sam said defeatedly, he didn’t want to spoil the real first looks.”That’s just giving you a little hint, but um, I asked her if she could you know fill us in on some of the information of, likewise castles here, the hauntings or any deaths and she said she knows some information.”
“Oh cool…” Colby was already quite unenthusiastic about this idea anyways. Katrina retreated out of the building quickly with keys in her hand. She sprinted over to all of them.
“Look it’s Sam’s new girlfriend!” Y/N cheered. Sam spun his head around, probably pulling a muscle in the process. The pure look of utter horror could not be more hysterical. Sam became flustered with a loss for words, his face tinted with a light shade of pink. Before he could muster up any sort of retort Katrina, the groundlady, came jogging back to the group.
“What’s some of the backstory about this castle?” Jake asked, he spun some rings around in his hand. Paying no mind to the other plot line adhering to his right.
“This castle was built in the second half of the 14th-Century, but there was another castle built before that in here. That was built in 110,so uh.” Few ‘Wows’ and ‘Oohs’ cut her off. “That was quite a while ago, but the Neidpath was built by the Family Of Fraser’s and they built a Buddha made castle. This one was burned down by the English army. After a guy named Simon Fraser, who’s the cousin of Braveheart, was captured and executed and that’s why the Buddha made the castle was burned to the ground. Another family built this castle, which was besieged in 1650 by the Cromwellian army. Legend says that this was the only stronghold of the Scottish borders which actually withstanded the siege. Whether it’s true or not, we don’t know, but what we do want you to know is that one-third of the castle collapsed, non-existing anymore.” She spoke with absolute passion. The place had so much rich history, the surrounding observers listened with extreme intent, not to miss one sentence in case it may help their investigation.
Colby raised his eyebrows at this question, “One-third of it?”
Katrina continued on, “Because of the siege. We do have a dungeon in the castle as well.” Everyone went silent.
“A dungeon?!” Jake nearly dropped a silver band he was picking on by the mention of this. His personality perked up and suddenly the whole crowd was uplifted. Finding weird places in “abandoned” areas is always a plus side, but this tops all of it.
“Guys shut up!” Y/N whacked Jake with her phone, he stuck his tongue out while rubbing his shoulder. She didn’t want to leave too bad of a first impression. It would be mortifying if something went wrong and the owner already hates you.
“Is there a dragon?” Corey brought everyone back to the topic of the castle, he didn’t want to be there a minute longer, but in this group you just do what you’re told and shut your mouth.
“We do have quite a big colony of bats under the roof, so I’m not sure if you really want to go down there Mister.” The group laughed and groaned at Katrina’s statement. Running into bats could be the worst thing to encounter.
Corey nodded in response, “So there are dragons.”
The history went on, “It was quite widely used during the 14th and 15th century because that was the only reason for the whole county.” The darker side of it all became slowly prevalent. It wasn’t just a posh place the others expected it to be.
“Prison?” Sam posed. This just got a lot weirder than they all expected.
“Yes. You’ll be able to get into it because there is this rough opening through, which was made in the 17th century, but before that the only entrance to the dungeon was through the trap door from the guards. I should have shown you that, but I’m not going to. You’ll find it by yourself.
“Oh god…” Colby rubbed the bridge between his nose, an inevitable headache was beginning to form.
Sam tittered, “Are we just going to fall through? Is that ok?” He got no proper answer, which set his worries on the run.
“So, the last prisoner was there in 1594, I think. We know there was a teenage boy like a 14 year old boy who was just pick pocketing people and he ended up here. The note didn’t say that he actually came out of there again.”
“Like meaning it’s haunted?” Colby preyed on.
“Uh, it is haunted!” Katrina stated blandly.
“Fun for us!” Y/N shrugged to hide her panic. Colby glanced at her. He sensed her anxiousness, he didn’t want her to be upset. Definitely not in the shitty environment. Of course, he cared for her, he just didn’t know how to open up and tell her. Would this really be the place?
“We do have our own one. Her name is Jean Douglas. She died in 1750, she was the daughter of one of the owners of the castle and she died of a broken heart.” The mood fell, a breeze pulled through and messed with the mics. Leaving just a sprinkle of static in the footage. Just in time.
“She was engaged to a young man, but he wasn't wealthy enough to win her family over, so he went abroad to win his fortune and fame and because he was away for far too long she went really sickly and pale and she didn’t eat. She didn’t sleep, so she was really frail when he finally came. When he was riding his horse through the archway she was at the window and he failed to recognize her because she was so altered and broke her heart and she died on the spot.”
The group had a silent reaction to the news, not knowing how to react.
“Ever since then she is walking through the castle being very tall, very gray, very pale looking, weeping.”
“What’s her name again?”
“Jean.” A tiny shiver racked through Sam’s body. He didn’t tell anyone. Just not to set anyone off. Now he really didn’t want to face this spirit.
“Have you ever seen Jean?” Y/N asked, trying her best not to be insensitive with the approach. These things are held really close to some people. Their experiences could be life changing, for others it could most certainly be a lot different.
“No, but I do have ghostbusters coming in several times a year and I asked what was the best recording ever and they were like ‘We got brilliant ones of screams.”
“Ah..”
“And I was like inside of the castle. I’m here sometimes on my own in the middle of the night at midnight, one, two, three o’clock. When I have to lock up after the events and such. Do I really want to do that with screams in my head? No I don’t, I said no.”
“Alright sounds like it’s a nice haunted Scottish castle.” Sam tried his best to play off his uncomfortable feelings with humor. It did not work.
“I’m going to do the dungeon now. I’m not telling you what I’m going to do now and then the place will be yours” Katrina headed back into the castle with an odd vibe.
“So, she’s gonna make us fall down the trap door, wow.” Jake leaned in for slight commentary.
“How much do you want to bet that we’re going to die?” Y/N grabbed her backpack to locate her wallet and pulled out a twenty.
“I bet 15.” Corey grabbed his wallet too.
“Guy, that is so sad though…” Colby came into the center of all of them, “Ok, that story. Imagine your husband comes home on a little horse and you're in this window, literally right there and then you die on the spot because he's like ‘Who’s that?’ It’s a tall, frail old lady that’s crying everywhere.” Colby clung to his sweatshirt, “Oh that’s so creepy!”
“Colby if you ever do that to me you’ll have to go back to VidCon alone again.” Y/N was putting in her best bet and threw a five at him. “You can use that for your ticket.” He blushed, just like Sam moments before.
Sam added more commentary from behind the camera, “They’ve heard screams within the castle.” Katrina came right back out with her deafening personality, handed the keys to Sam and hopped right back in her small, blue car, and left with no exchange of words.
“She creeps me out.” Jake in discomfort. To be fair, she is a creepy ass old lady who owns a castle in the middle of nowhere.
Corey turned away from the groundskeeper's car and shrugged off his jitters, "So we have a castle to ourselves...”
“This is amazing!” Sam couldn’t contain his excitement.
“No Shit. I still can’t grasp why you all buyout expensive stuff like a castle.” Y/N gripped the abundance of bet money and slid it all bad into her bag.
Colby inspected the property more in depth, as if he was waiting for a ghoul to poke out at any given time, “This is where we’re staying tonight.” With a grand motion upwards Sam panned the camera up and down.
“And you guys...” Sam pulled the camera away from the stronghold and directed the frame to the rest of his friends,”..have not even seen the inside at all.”
“I know, I know.” Colby pulled his beanie down his head, the enlightened sun seemed to cascade into the clouds with a faint breeze.
“Let’s go find our cottage, get ourselves completely set up and ready for the night. Take some pictures before sun down and then go into the castle, because like we can’t lose this sunset and we got to figure this out.” Sam did some weird hand movements in front of the camera and handed it off to the other’s opinions.
Colby nodded his head up and down in agreement,” Yeah definitely.” Jake wandered around with a rock and for the most part everyone said eye to eye.
“Unfair treatment. I wanted to go in now.” Y/N gave a side glance to Sam and Corey brushed his hand over her playfully. She walked back into frame,“All I gotta say is, Colby Brock Hot Edits.” Colby walked up next to her with a shit-eating grin in approval. Who doesn’t love Colby Brock edits?”
“Shut up, you’re just jealous that there’s no Y/N L/N hot edits for you.” He playfully jabbed back at her with a growing flutter in his stomach. He fucking hated that feeling to no end, but it was such a drug. Only when she was around.
“Alright let’s go, I’m bored as shit.” Jake came back with his new pet rock and put his arm around Corey. Sam cut the camera and went down the forked path. Right down the road was a cottage for visitors.
“Hey Y/N,” Colby came jogging up to the colleen, “Did you see any weird stuff yet?” He shoved his hands in his pockets, a symptom of his bashfulness, he began to rethink his uncolorful wording in his sentence. He just had the sudden urge to go up to her and she wasn’t complaining one bit.
She looked over at him, “No, not yet. I just got really put-off by that lady. She just was so…” Her eyes connected with his and a glistening highlight overcame the peaking iris. The words weren’t verbally there, but he understood what was there.
Sam cut her off, “Dude. Look how big this place is.” It was rationally smaller than their house back in LA, but it was sizable for an ancient brick living space.
Jake made the most commotion out of the seven, “Whoever is first picks where they sleep!” He dashed ahead of the group and everyone picked up speed, almost dropping the rock he just adopted.
“I think there’s only like three beds.” Sam panted. No one paid much mind to him and kept running. They all toppled into the door and Corey unlocked it, which left the rest to run up to a room. Jake took the first one to the left, Sam tumbled into the one across. A room had a small couch for Corey and last, but not least…
“Looks like we’re bunking L/N.”
“Fuck you Brock.”
Sam peaked his head in, “Guys, we have film some shots of the place. Come on.” The three made it to the living room where all and sundry were. Sam grabbed his camera and got everyone in shot.
“What?!” With grand motions each person stood up in their acts of shock. Even though it had been there for a solid five minutes the audience always has to be entertained.
Colby turned around, “Yo! We got a TV too!” A small Toshiba was put on a step stool. It would probably gain no use tonight anyways. It looked like a piece of crap too, thank god for Youtube.
They all got up from their seats and went to uncover the rest of the place, “This is nice, very cool.” Colby led them into Corey’s room. A huge bed frame was around a pink canopy bed. Old photos and paintings of the fortress were hung evenly around the perimeter. Sam went through the rest of the rooms and told everyone to head off and get ready.
The guys took cold showers and Y/N soaked in a muddled bath in the basement. She didn’t like it here. Her mind couldn’t unravel much. Sam was stationed upstairs doing a camera touch up with Jake by his side talking about the new Harry Styles album. A half an hour later everyone was wearing at least one faction of Sam and Colby merch, phones were charged and beams from flashlights slid across the floor like a jumping snake.
The group divided into pairs as they walked to the castle. The sky grew much darker than expected and it felt like a looming spirit chipped away at the warm function of friends. The camera was whipped right back out.
“Alright, we are all showered, changed, and ready to explore the castle before sunset.” All went under the arch while the audio was whacked around by the wind.
Colby turned from his conversation to the viewers, "I’m still like flipping out that we’re staying here tonight. That’s crazy!” His lantern swung below him and the towering castle was engulfed by the purple skies. “Look at this place! Look at that beautiful sunset!” He yelled.
Y/N raised her eyebrows, “Since when were you PG-13?”
He blandly stared at her,”Shut up I need to make money,” He looked back at the camera, “When I was like blow-drying my hair and stuff after my shower, my hair dryer was insanely powerful. There’s obviously a lot of energy in it, like the voltage.”
“I thought he said blow-j-.” Corey chimed in. He shut himself up so they wouldn’t get demonetized, it would be a funny way to go down though. Y/N and Colby giggled along with him. It wasn’t a rare occasion that they all were out laughing and joking, just the side chick with the haunted castle.
Corey swung his flashlight up and down, “His blow dryer started smoking and like almost blew up.”
“So, what I’m saying is the spirits could use all of this energy to talk to us.”
They all made it to the castle and it was around five-thirty. There wasn’t much to do at this time, but she was always watching. There was something about to happen they could all feel it and that thing, it wasn’t going to be good.
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
Part 2? Send me an ask if you want it!!
#Sam and Colby#colby brock x reader#colby brock imagine#colby brock x you#colby brock#xplr#sam and colby fan fiction#sam and colby fan fic#jake webber x reader#jake webber imagine#fanfiction#fanfic#queen mary#corey scherer x reader#fandom
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You mentioned rewriting that one analysis post on Tommy’s revival stream and I’d really look forward to it! I never got to read the full og post and that’s the only place I saw these takes. Especially the one about the afterlife being too depressing. It’s not even just about Tommy, the implication that even if every character is safe and happy by the end, this is their inevitable fate is messed up. It’s not “a neat subversion” it’s just depressing and doesn’t add anything.
Hey, anon!
I sorta decided to not rewrite it? I feel a bit differently about the essay in the end, although I still believe in most of my points. I’m also just not nearly as passionate about it as I was when I wrote it (I finished it in a single sitting, which was... interesting.) However, yes, the afterlife stuff still bothers me just the same, as well as the odd changes to Wilbur’s characterization... post mortem.
But—just for you, anon—here’s the entire meta-analysis essay anyway, with some minor edits to the stuff I don’t agree with anymore!
My Many Narrative Issues with Tommyinnit’s Revival Stream
I want to preface this by saying that I dearly love the Dream SMP and understand it isn’t exactly comparable to other mediums like TV and film. With this being the case, most criticism against it is generally in bad faith or strange in foundation. Complaining about streamers for bad acting is the best example that comes to mind.
These aren’t professional actors. Most have never acted in this sort of setting, or even at all. Quite a few have admitted to never roleplaying before. Which is why it’s warranted to praise Tommy, Dream, Wilbur, Ranboo, and others when they deliver stellar performances. The same applies to criticism of music choice, dialogue delivery, focus, tone, etc.
However, one such category I cannot overlook is in regards to its writing. The writing of a story is its entire foundation. It encompasses many things—conflict choice, character development, themes, and morals. The author creates the blueprints for the architect, who then expresses the story with light, sound, color, pacing, and music. It is in its execution that we see if this connection is made or broken.
The reason I find poor writing mostly inexcusable is because it is one of the most available skills to practice and perfect. I don’t mean to say that it’s easy, I mean to say it is something anyone can attempt to cultivate. Whether they do it well or not depends on their methods and experience. If anyone can self-publish a novel and be criticized online for its quality—and even compared to the works of Mark Twain—then I find critiquing the writing of the Dream SMP to be perfectly reasonable.
However, since the Dream SMP script is a set of loose bullet points, tearing apart dialogue and scene continuity—which is nearly all improv—is rather useless. It doesn’t exactly have a clear focus as the plot plays out. The characters talk in circles until they hit the story beat required, and then they move onto the next. Thus, when criticizing it, one should generally critique grand events and narrative-specific shifts, more so than small-scale character interactions.
Which brings me to my main point: The broad narrative choices taken in Tommyinnit’s most recent livestream, ‘Am I dead?’ may lead to disastrous writing pitfalls in the future.
I’ll be outlining each of my issues below, in hopes of creating a better understanding as to why I feel this way.
This might become quite lengthy, so please bear with me for a bit.
Tommy’s relationship to Wilbur has flipped. This change is jarring and seems out of character.
Tommy and Wilbur’s friendship is rather complicated. While Wilbur does care for Tommy immensely, especially during the L’Manburg Revolution and the Election Arc, his mental spiral during exile put a massive strain on their relationship as a whole. Wilbur brushed off Tommy’s feelings and wants, while clinging to him and pushing everyone else away. He was simultaneously distant and suffocating.
Tommy, on the other hand, has an unclear view of his mentor. Since the beginning, and even long after Wilbur’s death, Tommy held him in especially high regard. He saw him as a brother-figure and a wise leader. He followed what he said and did everything he could to impress him. Yet, Wilbur still hurt him while the two were together in exile.
When speaking of him, Tommy tends to flip infrequently between remembering Wilbur the way he was before his mental decline and thinking of him as a monster. Both of these images conflict with each other, but they weren’t nearly as extreme as what Tommy described Wilbur as when he was revived from death. The fear Tommy displays to Wilbur is beyond intense—it feels as if the audience may have missed a month’s worth of character development.
This can make sense, especially since it was stated that he’d spent what felt like two months in the void. However, this shift is still deeply at odds with Tommy’s previous impressions of Wilbur, which is both disheartening and confusing. The fact that Tommy would agree to stay with Dream—his abuser and murderer—over his past mentor is simply head-reeling. It paints a very different picture of Wilbur’s character, somewhat conforming to the fandom’s ableist impression of him—the idea that Wilbur is insane and irredeemable, and always will be.
It also ignores Dream being the driving factor in Wilbur’s downfall, as well as the double-bind deal with Dream which required him to push the button, no matter the outcome. Others have pointed out that Tommy may be lying to get Dream to bring Wilbur back, and there’s compelling evidence for that. For one, Tommy and Wilbur’s conversation seemed uncomfortable, but it was certainly nothing like Tommy implied. (Unless this fear comes from something Wilbur said off-screen.)
Tommy also begged Dream to not bring him back multiple times over, which he should know would make Dream even more tempted to, simply because he likes seeing Tommy in pain. Tommy is also a known unreliable narrator. He may be making Wilbur out to be worse than he is by accident (even still, I’d argue this is a bit of a stretch.)
However, there are some issues with this theory. Tommy offered himself as payment to Dream if he chose to let Wilbur rest. This is a deal Tommy knows Dream is extremely unlikely to refuse. Tommy is what Dream has coveted all this time. If Tommy genuinely wanted Wilbur back, he would not offer this. This sort of compromise is Tommy’s greatest nightmare—something he would only do in response to his friends being threatened or his home being destroyed.
To add, Tommy is not great at lying. Unless he was taught by Wilbur for those two months* in the afterlife, there’s no chance Tommy would be this good at it. Thirdly, Tommy is terrible under pressure. He uses humor to cope. When he can’t, he cries and shouts and spills his heart out. While cornered, Tommy will tell the truth about anything, especially if Dream casually debates killing him again, just for fun.
For now, it’s too early to tell how the relationship shift will play out. In the grand scheme of things, this issue is rather minor.
Season three’s writing is needlessly bleak. The portrayal of the afterlife is a nightmare. There is no rest, not even in death.
I adore the Dream SMP storyline in its entirety. I believe the first season is fantastic, and while the second season has some narrative clarity issues, I enjoyed it just as much. Although, I would argue season one had a more concrete understanding of its Hope-Conflict balance.
To briefly explain, the Hope in stories are its ‘highs’ and good moments. These appear when a character the audience is rooting for is narratively rewarded. They happen during character building in the text—it’s the downtime and peace that allows for connection and relatability. It’s a moment for the viewer to breathe easy.
The other half is Conflict, an obstacle in the story that gets in the way of the main characters’ goals, beliefs, and motives. These are the ‘lows.’ They give the narrative focus and weight. They make the highs feel even higher. They establish consequences and force the characters in the story to change in order to adapt and overcome them.
I bring up the Hope-Conflict balance because a traditional hero’s journey would have an appropriate amount of both. Their highs and lows are generally equalized, as the name suggests. However, this balance has been awkwardly skewed in the latter half of season two and in the current plot of season three. To clarify, it is perfectly reasonable, and even common, for some stories to tip the scale more to one side.
But a common mistake for amateur writers is to create their stories as either hopelessly dark to cause the audience continuous distress for the sake of distress, or to keep everything entirely conflict-free for most of the plot. What do these both have in common? They each make the story boring and predictable.
Season three has taken this concept and thrown a monstrously heavy weight onto the Conflict side and flipped the scale so hard it has crashed through the ceiling. The viewers are hardly given time to find any joy in Tommy’s character, as he’s thrown into yet another abusive situation, just barely after his first narrative reward. The world is painted as relentlessly violent and traumatic.
Every person Tommy meets is morally grey, unhinged, or out to hurt him. Everything most of the characters love is taken from them by those in positions of power. Ranboo cannot even grieve properly because it scars his face. Puffy, Sam, Ranboo, and Tubbo all blame themselves for what happened to Tommy.
The audience watches lore stream after lore stream with the same depressing tone (with the exception of Tubbo’s, but I assume that’s unintentional.) Tommy is revived after being brutally beaten to death by his abuser, surrounded by all of his greatest fears. The afterlife is revealed to be akin to inescapable torture. It’s a colorless void that wraps the individual like fabric.
Time moves thirty times slower within. There’s nothing—nothing but the voices of others who’ve passed on before him. Dying in a world already devoid of happiness takes the characters to a place worse than hell. When a narrative delivers unfair suffering to the entire cast without a moment of joy to speak of, the story will feel simultaneously overwhelming and pointless.
Why watch characters suffer when there’s no light at the end of the tunnel? What happiness could they strive for when we know they’ll never get to keep it? How can I be satisfied with a good ending, if I know that an afterlife too terrible to name is what awaits them, truly, at the end of their story? Death isn’t even a white void that offers rest—it is eternal torment.
Obviously, it isn’t a good message to send by making the afterlife seem like a quiet, perfect place or an escape from pain. But making it an unspeakable anguish which awaits, assumedly, every character who will die in the future? I deeply hope Tommy was only being an extremely unreliable narrator.
More likely, I hope the place Tommy was taken to was a Limbo of sorts, not an end-all-be-all destination for everyone.
The degree of Tommy’s narrative punishment continues to escalate, to an almost absurd degree.
Tommy is one of the most tragic characters to exist in the storyline. He was sent into war at a young age and experienced two traumatic events during it. He was exiled by the newly elected leader and witnessed his mentor Wilbur spiral and break down with paranoia. Tubbo is executed publicly in front of him. When expressing rightful anger at the person who murdered him, he’s beaten nearly to death and never receives an apology.
Schlatt dies right in front of Tommy, after his initial refusal to hurt the ex-president. His brother-figure and mentor is killed in assisted suicide on the same day his nation is blown up. His best friend exiles him from his home for the second time. He routinely self-sacrifices to protect his country and those who live there. His most treasured possessions were taken from him and he was called selfish for trying to retrieve them (although his methods were self-destructive and volatile.)
He was pushed to the brink of suicide after being relentlessly abused and isolated in his exile. He was horrified when he thought he was responsible for drowning Fundy. After making an objectively good decision to stand by his old friends and change for the better, his country was obliterated by the man he once idolized, his father-figure, and his abuser.
He was left scattered and without purpose for many days. Then he fights against Dream and loses, while also reliving his trauma. He watches Tubbo almost die at the hands of someone he once thought was his friend. He doesn’t tell a single person about what happened to him in exile. The day he tries to sever his connection to Dream and heal, he’s trapped with him for a week, surrounded by everything that terrifies him.
He threatens to kill himself, speaking about his own life as if it were an object—something to hold over Dream’s head. He blames himself for everything bad that’s ever happened to L’Manburg and his friends—internalizing a mentality as a scapegoat for everyone around him. He is forced into the role of ‘hero’ despite the title being unfair and distressing to him.
As if that weren’t enough, he’s then beaten to death by his abuser and spends what feels like two months in an afterlife that is worse than hell. When he returns, his senses are excessively heightened. Dream can cause him excruciating pain, just by pinching him. He can send Tommy into an instant panic attack, just by raising his voice.
The punishment Tommy’s character receives is a thousand times worse than everyone he has ever met, or ever will meet. And it shows no signs of stopping, as Dream now has control over Tommy’s very mortality. Tommy now fears the slightest damage and feels as if he’s losing his best friend all over again. He is also forced into a position where he has to kill Dream out of necessity, to protect everyone he cares about.
Characters need fitting punishments in relation to their actions. Not always, but in order to be satisfying? Yes, they do. It is preferred that a main character deal with unfair situations and difficult conflicts, but this is borderline torture p*rn. Putting Tommy in these distressing and abusive situations on repeat and punishing him for doing objectively moral or healthy things is exhausting to watch.
To quickly add, I find the general insinuation of Tommy going to hell distasteful, especially considering the contents of his storyline. I know this may be hard to believe, but Tommy is one of the most moral characters in the plot, besides Puffy and Ghostbur. He’s also the only character, followed by Ranboo, to recognize that they can be wrong and make mistakes. He changed himself in order to heal and be a better person. He was in the process of paying people back for the things he’d stolen.
He’s learned to be hard-working and less violent through the guidance of Sam. He has apologized to everyone he’s ever hurt (with the exception of Jack Manifold, because that man is allergic to communication.) He puts himself in harm's way to protect others. He doesn’t set out to purposely hurt anyone. He goes out of his way to make connections with people and maintain them, even if others don’t reciprocate.
He’s hopelessly optimistic, despite his outwardly bitter façade. He loved so much and put meaning into the smallest things. The thought that a person like him—a suicide and abuse survivor—would go to hell after being beaten to death by the man who took everything from him; it makes me sick to my stomach.
The only thing more morbid than Tommy’s afterlife being different than everyone else’s, is the concept that everyone will end up in this same eternal torture, no matter what they do. Take your pick: Tommy is sentenced to anguish until the end of time for no reason, or everyone will receive the same disturbing ending, regardless of their actions.
The narrative weight of Ranboo’s character is potentially out the window.
For the past few months, I’ve watched all of Ranboo’s lore streams faithfully, curious to see what role he would play in the future. His ‘hallucinations’ of Dream seemed to be sowing the seeds for a plot that has Ranboo taking the fall for every single insidious thing Dream has done. It would also be a tragic parallel to Tommy’s trial.
Ranboo being convinced he was the one who blew up the community house, when Dream himself admitted to doing it, was one of the bigger indicators for me. This is just one of many other unexplained occurrences. Dream seemed to be making an effort to trigger and control Ranboo, especially after Sapnap’s prison visit. It appeared, from the way he went about this, that Dream had some grand use for Ranboo as part of his plan to be freed from Pandora’s Vault.
However, after Tommy’s stream, the way Dream explains himself makes it seem like there was no plan besides seeing if the book worked on people. And if he didn’t after all, then what was Ranboo for? Was Ranboo unimportant? Was Ranboo just some weirdo who happened to phase out when seeing smiley faces and imagined conversations that may or may not have happened?
I bring this up more as a worry, and much less so as an active problem in the narrative. They haven’t actually thrown Ranboo to the way-side or written themselves into a corner yet. In future streams, this could very easily be explained away or developed as more information is revealed.
Only time will tell.
The potential for Wilbur’s future development and importance to the plot is unfeasible.
I feel as if I am the only person on earth who doesn’t want Wilbur Soot or Schlatt revived. There are many reasons for this, but one of them is not a dislike for these characters. I especially adore Wilbur, as he’s one of my all-time favorites. I don’t want either of them resurrected because their stories have already been told. They each had a fitting conclusion that ended their involvement perfectly.
Bringing Wilbur back would especially cheapen the impact of the War of the 16th. It’s the end of a man who was brought to the absolute edge and out of desperation, shame, and self-hatred, he destroyed himself alongside his creation. Bringing him back would leave the climax of the previous story hollow. My biggest issue, however, is that a lack of story importance would likely follow his return.
The only real impact I’d like to see is through a healing arc with Tommy, an apology to Fundy, or a confrontation with Phil/Niki. But that’s really all the potential I can realistically see. While I don’t doubt Wilbur as an agent of chaos, able to create plot out of thin air; what is he going to do now? His country is gone, his friends and family are scattered about, and his mission from the 16th is already accomplished.
What is a well-educated, charismatic politician supposed to do in a world already broken and without nations? Read poetry to himself and cry evilly? However, this is working off the assumption that Wilbur would be returning as his old self.
If Wilbur is resurrected as a ‘villain’ of sorts, then what? He’s not good at fighting in the slightest. He would have no materials. There are no real allies he can make, other than the arctic group. On top of that, there are already more than enough villains to last a lifetime.
We don’t need any more, I promise. Quackity seems to already be shaping up as another antagonist, alongside Sam’s slip into darker and darker shades of moral ambiguity. We also have Philza and Techno, which are already overkill. But then we have Dream who, despite being in a prison, has the ability of selective revival. This is mercilessly overpowered, especially if he makes many allies. The dude could just bring his dead friends back so they can keep fighting forever.
Then there’s Jack Manifold and the Crimson followers; Antfrost, Bad, and Punz. That’s not even including characters who are refusing to get involved. How are Tommy, Tubbo, and Puffy expected to do literally anything to fight back?
Dream’s experiment on Tommy implies he had no backup plan to begin with. This makes his character seem both short-sighted and foolish.
When Tommy woke up after being brought back to life, Dream sounded surprised that the revival worked at all. This instantly shatters the perception that Dream was highly intelligent and thought ahead. With just a few lines of dialogue, it’s implied that Dream killed Tommy, unsure of if the resurrection would even be possible on humans.
Which, to risk something that important, seems unbelievably stupid. Dream needs Tommy, from his perspective. Tommy is his ‘toy,’ the one who makes everything fun. If he lost him and couldn’t get him back, what then? Oh well, everything Dream was doing was all for nothing, I guess.
Why not attempt this experiment on literally anyone else first? Like Sapnap or Bad or, hell, even Ranboo. I suppose it could be that, as soon as Dream got the book, he experimented with it after the 16th. This appears to be insinuated with Friend and Hendry’s revival, although this is uncertain. But even then, he was still unsure of the book’s effect on a human being.
Also, this means, hypothetically, Dream’s entire plan of escape hinged on the experiment working, to begin with, and also on bringing back Wilbur if it somehow did. I find this even more ridiculous. Why Wilbur? That man couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag, let alone get through the traps in Pandora’s Vault. Even if he is intelligent after years* in the afterlife, that’s also a strange assumption.
How do people learn things in the void? Where do they even get this knowledge? I’d honestly argue Techno is a far more competent choice than Wilbur. And even if Dream did bring him back and tell him he owed him his life, what’s to stop Wilbur from just killing him permanently? Or killing himself, continuously?
No way would Wilbur want to be controlled by anyone, ever. The dude would sooner fuck off into the mountains and become a nomad than help a neon green bodysuit cosplay as Light Yagami.
Dream’s discussion about Sam implies that he wasn't playing any part in Dream’s plan, making Sam appear entirely incompetent and neglectful of Tommy.
Dream talked about Sam in a way that seems detached and unaffiliated. He also mentioned him being broken up about Tommy’s fate and not being aware he’s still alive. Dream not being partnered with, or not using Sam in his plan leaves many plot holes. I’ll go through each one. The initial incident was an explosion, coming from the roof of Pandora’s Vault. This did not affect the Redstone mechanism for the doors or dispensers.
Meaning, Sam could’ve had Tommy leave the way that was expected for visitors after he investigated and found no issues. This likely couldn’t have been done in less than a day, but it would be better than an entire week. If Tommy was required to stay for longer, due to protocol, he could’ve gotten Tommy out and then placed him in one of the minor cells for the remainder of the time.
Also, no one else lost a canon life for leaving via the splash potion of harming and returning outside the maximum-security cell; why would Tommy? To add, Sam being uninvolved means that the explosion could have only been caused by Ranboo or Foolish. That, or it was placed long before and timed for the moment Tommy entered the main cell. (I’m going to ignore how ludicrous it is that someone would know the exact time Tommy would’ve entered the room with Dream.)
If Ranboo was the person behind the detonation, this implies he was necessary for Dream to kill Tommy to test the book. But that makes it even stranger. If this was Dream’s goal all along, why not kill Tommy the instant he was trapped with him? It makes no sense for him to wait so long.
Sam is also directly at fault for not letting Tommy out, even after the week was up. There was no reason not to. He already knew there were no issues with the prison at that point. Although, to be fair to Sam, his character may have been paranoid and checking everything more than necessary, just in case. But this still isn’t a good excuse for him ignoring protocol in this one instance, and yet, not in any of the others.
All of these plot holes or inconsistencies would be removed if it was revealed that Dream was blackmailing Sam in some way, or Sam had been working with him since the get-go. That Sam was the person who set off the explosion in the first place to trap Tommy inside. It would also explain Sam’s refusal to let Tommy out and by keeping him in there for longer than necessary.
This can also coexist with Sam’s attachment and care for Tommy. He probably wasn’t told about Dream’s plan to test the book and genuinely believed Dream wouldn’t hurt him. On top of that, Dream is known to be a pathological liar, so his statements about Ranboo and Sam could be entire fabrications.
Who knows?
The Book of Revival invalidates death entirely. The narrative now lacks both tension and consequence.
Another way the Dream SMP differs from other storytelling media is in the way it goes about its character deaths. In a TV show, for example, there will be characters who die just because, or when it’s important to the plot. However, it seems as if the Dream SMP is hesitant to commit to killing its characters. And there are many reasons for that.
The most important one being, killing someone’s character excludes them from the story and some of their livelihoods depend on them regularly streaming on the server. There is also the issue of the cast becoming extremely sparse if characters keep dying. Typically, in stories, when you kill a character, you should introduce another.
This keeps the cast from dwindling as the storyline goes on. This means the writers would have to find new streamers to join, who will develop their own characters and relationships with the plot’s continued momentum. This can be stressful and daunting to those who may be newly added in the future.
Keeping this in mind, the Book of Revival is annoying from a writer’s perspective. When death is no longer an issue for a story hinged on its characters’ mortality, then what do you have as a consequence anymore? We’ve explored every kind under the sun; from abuse, to betrayal, to loss, to destruction.
In stories, traditionally, death is a finality. It’s a conclusion. Whether it’s good or not depends on the character’s actions, its build-up, and the event’s execution. Without this lingering sense of danger, tension evaporates from the story.
Why should I care if Tommy loses in a fight to someone, if he’ll just come back a day later? Why should I care about what happened to Wilbur, if he just returns as if nothing happened? The answer is simple: I won’t. I will no longer care if Tubbo or Ranboo or Sam die in the story, because the idea of revival even being a possible outcome leaves me unenthused and uncaring.
The Dream SMP likes to flirt with death. It teases the demise of its main characters many, many times. More so Tommy’s than anyone else’s. Wilbur’s failed resurrection, which had unforeseen and unfortunate outcomes, is now strange in comparison to Tommy’s, which happened without a hitch.
To be fair, we actually don’t see how many attempts it took. But here’s the problem; Dream could do it without the book being physically present. He’s trapped in a prison with nothing on him, meaning he doesn’t need any materials either. It’s also implied he could do this as many times as he feels, for anyone he wants. This would be exceedingly overpowered, if not for one thing—Dream himself is mortal (at least, I fucking hope he’s mortal.)
If someone kills him one last time, that knowledge is gone forever. And I’m glad they’ve established at least some way for Tommy to win. Because at this point, I was losing faith.
There is also the bare minimum establishment that Dream can refuse to bring back those he doesn’t care for. He can also use it as a shield, holding this power over other people. If Dream is gone, death is permanent. But isn’t that how death is supposed to be, anyway?
What a bleak premise—the afterlife is pure eternal torture while life is cheapened by a lack of consequences.
Conclusion
All this to say, I am cautiously optimistic for the future. I hope dearly that every single one of these can be disproven or developed in the coming livestreams. Obviously, there’s not enough information to really determine what the end result will be, or how everything will fall into place.
Every time I have theorized about the story, it has done something completely different and pleasantly surprised me. I want this trend to continue.
Surprise me again—I’ll be here to see where it goes.
#answered asks#long post#tommyinnit#dream smp meta#dream smp#dsmp#dsmp analysis#this is slightly outdated still but whatever#hope this was helpful anon#tw abuse#tw suicide
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also super single...it's tough out there for sapphics with online dating. idk what you used but ive done some research and my plan is to use fetlife to find a partner when I move out (in a few weeks yay !). covid kinda fucked things up but there are usually in-person meetups for anyone into kink (not like a sex party, just a meetup for people to get to know each other and maybe talk shop) so that's a way to see if you vibe with anyone. for me personally, I'm not demisexual but I've moved too fast into things before and had issues so based on what I've found, this is the way to go for me. hope this is helpful, some of what you said in the tags of the last ask resonated with me and I wanted to share some of what I've found.
also I made a sample account just to scope it out and obviously this is region specific but by far most of the women on there were subs. they could very well be straight (with my luck anyone I'm interested in usually is) but it's something lmao
Yeah dating while sapphic is extremely difficult 😞 I’ve used tinder and bumble so far, and at one point I did a trial of their gold membership to see the accounts that have swiped right on me, and aside from the overwhelming amount of men despite adjusting the settings to only make my blog visible to women, everyone I’ve tried to talk to have ghosted me. Usually after the first ‘hello’s, which was pretty frustrating. (Somehow I managed to scare off a girl that sent me dozens of photos of Guinea pig taxidermy. I wrote in my bio that I like bad taxidermy and when I send some back, she stops replying??)
I wouldn’t want kink to be a driving point in my relationships, so I’m still questioning whether I’d want to look for relationships through kink sites. But also I’d feel a bit…inexperienced in the kink scene (I’m actually a big ol virgin haha, being gay didn’t get me a whole lot of dating experience prior to this) so I’ll try my luck at gay bars maybe when I turn 21
I have seen dom/me blogs on here interact with subs in a virtual domming kinda situation? I’ve actually thought about giving that a shot, if only to have fun with it ( I’d be more comfortable with online domination rather than physical/in person) but I don’t think I’d care abt gender in that situation considering I wouldn’t be dating them 🤷🏽♀️
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White Hibernation
Pairing: Taehyung x Reader
Word Count: 31k...lol
Genre: Fluff, Angst, Extreme Slow Burn, Fantasy
Summary: The tale of the Winter Bear is about a grizzly bear that’s the only bear in the entire world who doesn’t hibernate during winter. He’s considered strong for being able to fight sleep. However, being the only bear awake during winter gets lonely. So during every winter, he makes friends with children and takes their soul to be with him forever. And somewhere down the line, you get involved into the fable.
“Are you fucking kidding me, (Y/N)?!”
Your agent, Lee Suniya, screams from the top of her lungs on the other side of the call. You keep your phone at a safe distance from your ears. You sigh exasperatedly, standing in the center of the living of your cramped, one-bedroom apartment.
Despite Suniya’s aggressive scolding, you only focus on your apartment. It’s early in the morning, never realizing how blue your apartment is. It isn’t necessarily a bold blue, more so a faint blue, naturally peeking through your blinds due to the sunrise barely at its peak. All of your furniture—couch, coffee table, vase, lamp—is white, so it only makes the baby blue stand out more.
Maybe I should change my place up a little, you think to yourself.
However, your plans for redecorating your place are disrupted by the continuous rampage coming from Suniya. Her anger only worsens your annoyance toward her. “Did you not hear a single thing I said?! Is your head empty??”
“No, can you repeat everything?”
Suniya groans frustratedly then goes silent for a few seconds before returning. “Never mind. Did you at least look online?”
Your eyes move down to your laptop that’s sitting by the edge of the white, pristine coffee table. It’s on, and it’s an article called: ‘Winter Bear’: Profiting off of a Child’s Innocence. Underneath the title is the author, (Y/N), (L/N).
“Yea, just a few minutes ago.”
“So. You knew not to write that. But why did you go ahead and do it anyway?” Suniya tries very hard not to grind her teeth, but you can clearly hear it.
You take a seat on the couch right across from your laptop. You set your phone down, putting it on speaker as you scroll through the multitudes of angry comments. There are some that catch your eye, such as ‘How could you write garbage about my daughter’s favorite movie?’, ‘You didn’t even watch the movie so your opinion is fucking pointless without proper research’, and another one being, ‘Go die in a shithole, you fucking mood-killer’.
You’ve always heard about internet figures getting a lot of online flak these days, but your article exploded out of nowhere that you haven’t gotten the time to process the negative comments. Even your email is spammed with anonymous accounts calling you degrading terms.
But another reason why it doesn’t impact you as much as it should is because it was somewhat expected. Winter Bear is a beloved, rated-PG movie that people of all ages should enjoy, but your article made it very apparent that you detest it.
“Yea, I knew not to write it, but what’s the point of me making it my career as a writer when I can’t even share my own opinions?”
“You—” But before your agent can lash out any further, she catches herself. “You’re not a writer, you’re a journalist. Writers create from inspiration, journalists rephrase what they see. Are you seriously trying to give the publication a bad rep?”
“You’re not getting the point of the article. No one is. It’s a cash-grabbing movie using a dangerous folklore—”
“I get it, I get it. But where I’m coming from is that the publishing company has no time to be dealing with a bad image at this moment. They were just getting recognized, and you just had to blow it off like that.”
“That wasn’t my intention. Look, why are people even getting pissed off over one person’s opinion? They don’t have to read my shit if they don’t want to and go enjoy their half-assed children’s movie.”
It’s at this point where Suniya has completely given up on arguing with you. Both you and Suniya are stubborn to the core, and this is how you two clash often.
“It isn’t just about a bad public image for the company, but for you. You’ll have a hard time signing deals and publishing more articles.”
That comment was like a prick to your skin. There was something about that that ticked you off, more than what the internet is saying about you.
“What the hell is wrong with me sharing my thoughts? If these faceless assholes are allowed to leave comments on my article, then I can say and do whatever too!”
“(Y/N), calm down! Why are you getting upset?! Listen to me when I say this: I know where you’re coming from. I know that movie is a sensitive topic for you, but that still doesn’t mean that you should—”
“Don’t bring it up.”
The line goes silent for a while before she returns. “Alright, fine. On the bright side, this seems like a short-term consequence, so the most we can do is wait for this to die down. I gotta go, I’ll call you later.”
She hangs up, and you get the urge to throw your phone across the room. However, you don’t have the kind of money to break your phone and get a new one, so instead, you throw it against the couch pillow. It’s irritating when nobody understands you. If the general public weren’t sheeples, then it would be easier for you to explain your side. Not even Suniya truly knows where you’re coming from.
You go back to your laptop, your article receiving new comments by the second. You want to respond to them and tell them to go to hell. There are more controversial topics out there in the world, so why go to your article and attack you? You’ve already caused enough trouble for your agent, so it’s better to leave it alone.
You lay down on your couch when a sudden chill runs up your spine. You check the temperature on your phone, and it’s been getting colder lately with winter getting closer. What sort of first-world struggles are those angry commentators going through to give them the right to downgrade you?
Regret begins to play with your head, suggesting that you should call Suniya back and apologize to her for exploding. You turn on your phone, seeing four contacts on your phone: your parents, Suniya, and your publication site’s office number. You press on Suniya’s number, letting the line ring before directing to voicemail.
With a sigh of disappointment, you get off of the couch with that feeling of regret going to eat you up for the rest of the day. You try to forget about it, pushing your mind to think about something else than to focus heavily on it. You repeat to yourself over and over that you need to eat breakfast.
You look through the fridge that’s filled with only microwavable food, some vegetables, soda, and that one vegan mandarin chicken pack that you promised to eat when you were still dieting. On the bottom shelf is leftover pizza from last night. You close the fridge then rummage through the white-painted cabinets. You hand maneuvers around the canned corn and beans, packaged dry pad-thai noodles, and shoving the Maruchan cup noodles away. You grab the rainbow, fruit-flavored cereal box, opening the top to check if there’s still some. You pop one into your mouth to check if it’s still in edible condition. Although a bit stale, you can eat it.
You couldn’t decide whether or not you wanted to eat leftover dinner or cereal for breakfast, so you ended up picking both. Rushing back to the fridge, you take out a slice of cold pizza and the half-gallon of milk, putting the pizza on a plate and into the microwave. It’s not the healthiest meal, but you’re not in the mood to be thinking about your weight.
As it warms up, you grab the remote from the living room, turning on the TV. You skip through channels with the press of a button until you get to a decent enough channel that’s playing a rerun of a sitcom show. It’s about a group of poor college graduates struggling to live in New York.
Your attention is taken away by your microwave beeping when it’s done reheating your pizza. You poke the pizza to make sure that the cheese has melted, then you take a bite of it. It doesn’t taste as fresh as when you first got it, but it still tastes savory.
“This...is...awesome!” A child’s voice shouts from the TV.
Dramatic drums and high-pitched violins play after the show goes on a commercial break. You turn around to see a trailer of a kids’ movie.
“Who...are you?” the child continues.
Each scene of the trailers lasts for a few seconds to keep the viewers’ short attention span engaged. On the screen is a young child who seems to be around eight or nine years old in a snowy forest. The child is on its knees, face-to-face with a shadowy monster before displaying itself as a fun, lovable grizzly bear licking the child’s face.
“I have to return home. Can you help me?”
“Come with us...on an epic journey,” A narrator voices over. “Filled with fun...”
The child and bear jump over rocks as they laugh.
“Adventure…”
The pair find an entirely undiscovered part of the forest, though it’s just a more expanded version of the same setting that it takes place in, just brighter lighting and more sunlight.
“And friendship.”
The next scene is when the child and the bear are cuddling together late at night to keep each other warm from the freezing temperature.
“Bears are supposed to be sleeping during winter, but you’re not,” the child ponders. “But...I’m glad that you’re awake. I don’t feel so lonely anymore.”
“Critics say ‘it’s tender’...‘entertaining’...‘everything my child has always wanted in a movie’.” The narrator continues as five yellow stars would be slapped onto a frame of an overview of the forest. “Winter Bear. Coming soon on December 20th.”
The next thing you know, you throw the pizza at the screen out of impulsive anger. The tomato sauce splatters all over the carpet, TV, and some on the coffee table. It instantly slips off the TV, landing and staining the carpet more. It felt good at that moment to lash out on the movie trailer, but not anymore after seeing the mess that you created. But once rational thinking sets in, you’re frustrated with yourself for what you’ve done. You hurriedly look for wipes then run to the TV to clean it.
As you wipe with tenacity, some uninvited memories seep in. You go back to when you were a child, holding the hand of a child whose face you can’t see, or at least, don’t want to see. The environment that surrounds you is a white forest, silence freezing every noise possible, just you and the person standing side-by-side.
You rest your forehead on the sauce-stained TV, sighing heavily as you try to forget what happened long ago. You turn to the fallen pizza, glaring at it with disdain as the red, bloody sauce soaks into what was once a white carpet that blended into the blue morning.
“He doesn’t help kids...he steals them.”
———
“Jesus Christ, (Y/N), you really need to start eating healthier food. Look at your stomach, I’m beginning to see a muffin top.” Suniya jokes as she playfully hits your stomach with a pepperoni sausage.
Suniya is walking ahead of you as you push the shopping cart. She decided to tag along with you to go grocery shopping, implying that this get-together is to make up for the argument that unfolded days prior to this.
“I would eat better if the healthier options were cheaper and tasted better.”
“Hey, there are healthy foods that are cheap too, you know. You just choose not to eat it. Plus, you’re not a kid anymore. Suck it up and eat gross shit for the sake of being in shape,” This is ironic coming from Suniya, since she isn’t in the best shape either. “Maybe you should get a gym membership and start working out. Who knows, maybe you’ll start attracting people.”
“Mm-hmm,” You faintly listen to her as you’re trying to decide on which graham cracker brand you want to buy. “Oh yea, which pizza brand do you think has the least amount of tomato sauce?”
Suniya sulks, a little annoyed that you aren’t listening to her, but this is typical for you to be like that with her. “I dunno. Figure it out yourself. Why?”
“Eh,” you shrug your shoulders. “The sauce is the messiest part of the pizza. Do you think I should start eating hot pockets?”
She raises an eyebrow at you. “I don’t fucking know. Pick both if it makes it easier.”
“No, but pizza is messy. I wanna know if hot pockets are not as messy with the sauce.”
“Why does it matter? Just use a napkin or don’t eat like a toddler!”
“...I’ll go with hot pockets.”
You push the cart ahead of Suniya as she stares at you with a look of disbelief. No matter how long you two have known each other, she will never understand how your brain is wired. She shakes her head, shrugging it off as one of your unusual habits again.
“By the way, your mother called me. She said you weren’t picking up the phone and she wanted to know if you’re doing alright.”
“I’m fine.”
“...Why don’t you just call her back and tell her that?”
“I have you to pass on my message.”
“You know…” her tone deepens. “Your mom wants to talk to you directly. She wants to know how you’re doing in your voice.”
“What difference will it make? She’ll just pretend that she’s worried about me but all she’s gonna do is yell at how I can’t take care of myself and I need a new job.”
She sighs. “But she’s still your mom. You can’t forget that she raised you.”
“I’ll call her later. I have some more articles to write and I don’t need the distraction.”
But she knew that you meant never, you just wanted to end the conversation. She looks through the aisles, clearly frustrated with your lack of keeping a conversation going.
“You know, you shouldn’t worry about work so much.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s all you ever think about. Don’t you have anything else that you’re passionate about? Like, I dunno, making friends, going out, finding a boyfriend?”
“Not really. I haven’t put much thought into any of those. They’re a waste of time and money.”
“(Y/N),” she puts her hand to her hips. “Your isolation is only going to drive you even more insane. You won’t have anyone to rely on, and you’re just going to be miserable.”
A vein protrudes from your forehead, but your expression remains stagnant. “But I have you, don’t I?”
She rolls her eyes. “You can’t just rely on me. I have a family to take care of. And you should also.”
Even though you behave as if you’re ignoring her, her words bleed into your brain. You know too well that you’re getting closer to the age of settling into a life of family-hood, but it isn’t Suniya who decides what you have to do with your life. Still, what she says makes your chest ache, the desire to deny her claims of your spiral to insanity, all the while being completely aware of her concerns.
Suniya’s phone rings, so she takes it out from her purse to see an unknown number on her screen. She accepts the call, putting it to her ear.
“Hello?”
A feminine voice can be heard from the other line. Other than a ‘hi’, you can’t make what she’s saying, and Suniya’s lack of expression doesn’t help either.
“Uhm...yes. She is with me.”
An eyebrow raises, your curiosity peaking. You stare at her, squinting your eyes. She does look at you, but she doesn’t say anything to fill in the blanks.
“Sure.”
She hands the phone to you. You’re confused, looking at the phone and wondering what to do with it. She nudges it to you, so you take it.
“Hello?”
“Hello? Is this (Y/N)?”
“Yes, who is this?”
“Hi, my name is Kim, and I’m calling because I read your article the other day.”
Assuming that this is an angry reader, you’re about to hang up the phone when Suniya raises her hands up, signaling for you not to. You silently sigh, putting the phone back to your ear.
“You did?”
“I did! And I absolutely loved it!”
“Oh, really?” But it takes a few seconds for you to let that sink in. “Wait, really??”
“Yes! I reread it hundreds of times, and everything you said accurately portrays exactly how I feel about the movie as well.”
You glance at Suniya, and she smiles, nodding to let you know that this isn’t a prank. You’re at a loss of words that there’s someone who genuinely enjoyed your article. No one’s ever reached out to give you compliments, so you don’t know what to say.
“Uhm, thank you.”
“It’s no big deal. I saw the feedback you received, and it seems like not a lot of people liked it. You see, I’m a mythologist. I study extensively on the Winter Bear folklore. Based on the information on your publication’s website, it doesn’t seem like you know anything about it, but you nailed every detail of the myth precisely.”
“...Yea.”
“What I wanted to talk about is that I would like you to help me with my research on the Winter Bear.”
You crease your eyebrows. “...Excuse me?”
“You see, even though I study myth, I have a strong feeling that this isn’t some mere local folklore. You seem to know a lot about it, and I would like to get to know you more. Perhaps even go to the town to investigate more about it.”
“No.” You’re about to hang up again.
“Wait, wait, wait!”
You give her a third chance, putting the phone back to your ear.
“I can compensate for your help in return! We can help each other. I’m trying to write a book and get it published before the Winter Bear movie comes out. I want to expose the real story behind, not the watered-down, kiddy version of it.”
She piques your interest. “Go on.”
“In return, I’ll help back up your article, I’ll even reference and credit you for aiding me in the research. As long as we’re able to complete the book before the release of the movie, then it’s going to be a hit. Imagine all the clicks you’re going to get in your article after my book is published. You’ll definitely make more than you can ever imagine with any ordinary article.”
“I’ve already received enough criticism as it is with just the trailer. How is a full-length movie and your book going to benefit me?”
“It’s going to be a bit...greedy of me to say, but you aren’t paid by the number of nice comments you get. You get it by how many people click on your online articles. If you ignore the negative comments, didn’t you notice that your pay got relatively higher than normal?”
As much as you don’t want to admit it, it’s true. “Yes.”
“That’s what I’m saying! That’s why we gotta get this finished before the movie. What do you say?”
You fall silent, and it makes Kim think that you actually hung up this time. Talking about the town where the tale of the Winter Bear brings up the memories again. You remember looking down at your small hands, pressing it on the snow as you knelt down. The stiffness in your hands from the cold perfectly describes how you’re feeling right now. It’s strange, when you look back to the time when you were there during winter, it was dead silent.
Your numb hands, stuck in the unforgiving snow, not a sound to comfort you in this recycling memory. It’s strange, it’s only your hands that are cold, not your knees, not your face, nothing. Are you ready to go to that place that you tried so hard to forget? Can you unveil those childhood memories?
You recall that toddler. It was only a split second, but every detail of her is vivid. That baby blue-striped dress, wearing a pink parka over it. Her tiny brown boots treading through the snow, being matted by the pure white. She turns around, and she resembles you a lot.. Her nose red and runny, yet the brimming smile on her face is the only sunlight of that gray memory. The silence is filled with her childish laughter that’s devoid of flaws, as she had yet to be tainted by the world.
“Annie.” Your past-self calls her.
“I’ll do it.”
“That’s great! Then I’ll send you an email and we can set up a day to go to the town. I look forward to working with you in the near future.”
“Yea.”
She hangs up.
“So, what did she say?”
“She wants to work with me.”
“Really?? That’s great! So, how is it going to work out?”
You aren’t entirely sure. You agreed to it on a whim without putting much thought on the consequences. Now you’re a little regretful for saying yes, especially since you don’t want anything to do with it, but since you dedicated an entire article on it, it must mean that a part of you wants to return. You don’t know how your brain works sometimes, like you go into autopilot and another force makes the decisions for you.
“We’re going to the town where that movie took inspiration from, Little Bare.”
———
At the bustling train station, Suniya helps push you through the tight crowd. You keep looking down at your phone, squinting at a picture that Kim took of herself. You’ve never met her in person and most of your conversations with her took place through phone calls and text messages. This will be the first time you’ll see her in person.
“Why the hell is the station so busy on a Tuesday?!” Suniya whines.
Standing right under the ‘Station E’ sign is Kim. She’s a lot shorter than you thought, standing at approximately 4’10”. Her black-framed glasses and messy bun along with her back slouching really gives the impression that she spends a lot of time sitting down, probably reading or researching, and you’re not far from your assumption. She’s focused on writing in her notebook, not paying attention to her surroundings whatsoever, not even caring when a salaryman bumped into her.
“Excuse me, are you Kim?”
She looks up and immediately closes her book. “Hello! You’re (Y/N), right?”
You nod.
She extends her hand out for a handshake, and you take it, taking notice of how sweaty they are. “It’s nice to finally meet you! Is that your agent?”
“Hello, I’m Suniya. We spoke on the phone before.”
“Right, I remember. It’s nice to meet you, too.”
Suniya nods. “Yes. The train should be arriving soon, so do you mind if I talk to you for a bit, Miss Kim?”
“Sure.”
She pulls Kim aside, far enough from you. You know that she’s going to be talking about you, but you don’t pay too much attention to it.
“What is it that you need to talk to me about privately?”
“It’s about (Y/N).”
“Hm? What about her?”
Suniya looks at you, seeing as you’re looking down at your phone. “You see…since I’m not coming on this trip with you guys, can I request you to take care of her?”
Kim is a little taken aback, as you seemed like a fully grown adult who is capable of taking care of yourself. “Sure…”
“You see...she’s a bit...disconnected.”
She wrinkles her eyebrows. “What do you mean by that?”
“It’s hard to explain, but I think she has selective memory loss. She experienced some trauma that still affects her today—so much that she tends to block anything that stresses her out too much because that’s how she’s always dealt with her problems. So if she’s spacing out, then that’s why.”
From the distance, you blend well with the crowd, no different than a modern citizen focused on her phone. You don’t look lost—you look so sure of yourself like nothing disturbs you. Your outward appearance doesn’t make you sound like the description that Suniya gave.
“Selective as in, she can willingly forget things?”
She nods. “I don’t know what happened, but whatever she went through as a child, it must’ve been that bad that she doesn’t have any recollection of it. I don’t mean to scare you, but if she behaves abnormally, don’t be afraid to call me.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take good care of her. If I feel comfortable working with her, then I would’ve long since canceled our plans.” She smiles.
Still, Suniya is unsure. It feels wrong, talking about you in this way.
———
On the train, you and Kim are sitting across from each other. The slight bumps create a rhythmic sound as the train speeds to your destination, and there is a lack of conversation from other passengers with the only voice being the overhead of an automated woman alerting the passengers of their next stops. You sit by the window, watching the bushes pass by faster than the mountains from a distance. Kim is on her laptop, typing at the speed of light.
“I might be prying a bit too much, but there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask.”
“Hm?”
“Have you been to Little Bare before?”
You don’t respond—you don’t even look at her.
“Sorry, I stepped over the line. I was just curious because you seem to have more information than your typical person—”
“Yea, I went there once.”
She wasn’t expecting you to answer, so she stutters with her next line of words.
“My family and I went on a road trip during winter break. We got stuck in a blizzard and stayed at the inn there until it died down.”
“Oh, that’s very interesting!” She puts it down in her notebook. “Do you remember what you did there?”
“...Not really.” You lie.
“Oh…” She clears her throat to get rid of the uncomfortable atmosphere she created. “Well...it’s a good thing we’re going back. It’ll help you regain those memories again.”
“How did you know that I went there before?”
“I just assumed because you seem to know a little more about that folklore, not the watered-down version of it.”
“Yea.”
After that, neither of you say anything. This must be what Suniya was saying when she said that you don’t look like you’re paying attention, or you’re distracted by something else. She keeps herself busy by going back to her notebook.
———
At Little Bare, you and Kim exit the train. The wind blows against your hair, giving you the chills. You put your hands in your pocket while you stare at the town that haunts you. Every building is made out of wood, and the newer ones are built from bricks. The town is so small that you can see where it ends from the other side.
“It’s so cold! It’s supposed to have its first snow tonight, so it makes sense. But holy crap...I already can’t stand it.”
The train leaves, leaving you and Kim in a town nearly desolated. It lacks human contact, not a single person in sight. And there it is again—the dead silence. It was there before, and it hasn’t left. You wouldn’t describe it as nostalgia, but a boogeyman welcoming you back to your nightmare.
“Where do we even go?”
“I think down here.”
You walk down the staircase, hearing dead leaves being crushed beneath your feet. You enter through the main entrance of the town with a tall sign towering over you and Kim that reads: ‘Welcome to Little Bare’. You inspect the town, and the buildings made out of wood have turned dark brown after soaking in morning fog and rain. Resting your hand on the walls seems like it’s enough to give you splinters. It isn’t only the buildings that show after-signs of rain, but the streets as well. There are wet patches in the street, giving off the strong scent of wet black tar.
“Is...this the right place? It looks like a ghost town.”
You shake your head. “It’s exactly the same as I remembered.”
The general store is still there the last time you were here, one of the first buildings you’ll see when you enter this place. Directly across the street is the bar, just as empty as it was in the past during the day. The only difference is that everything has aged dramatically, those twenty years taking a toll on the town.
“Where is everybody?”
You shrug your shoulders.
“There’s no reception here because of the high elevation, so I can’t pull up a map. There’s no physical map of this place either.”
You and Kim creep into the town more, with her peeking through the large glass windows of the general store. Her eyes light up when she sees someone standing by the front cash register. An elderly man, sitting on a chair with his back slouched, reading a newspaper.
“Oh, there’s somebody there,” you point at the man. “Let’s ask them for directions.”
You both move closer to the store, and once you’re close enough, the old man notices you two. When making eye contact with you two, Kim waves her hand as a means of greeting him. Rather than returning the greeting, the elderly man grabs a broomstick and walks out of the store, raising the broom over his head and jogging right toward you two.
“Get the hell outta here before I beat your asses myself!”
You and Kim step back, raising your hands to defend yourselves. She grabs onto your arm, and you cling onto her sleeve.
“Wait, wait, wait!” She shouts. “We’re just tourists!”
“I said get outta here! We don’t need no city people here to take what’s ours!”
“We’re not here to take anything!!”
“I said get out!!”
“What’s going on?!” An overweight woman runs out of the room. “Honey! What the fucking shit are you doing?!”
The man stops and turns around, seeing his wife marching after him. She slaps him on the back multiple times, so much that he drops the broom and waves his hands as a means of protection. After hitting him until he’s tame, the woman turns to you and Kim.
“I’m so sorry for my husband. We just had some unwanted guests come by a few days ago givin’ us some papers to sign thinkin’ we can’t read shit, so we’re all on guard,” she puts her hands to her hips. “The name’s Margaret, and this brainless man is Gerald. So, what brings two beautiful, young women here?”
You two look at each other, then back at the woman.
“Uhm..My name’s Kim. We’re here to research the myth of the Winter Bear.”
Upon bringing up the name, Margaret’s smile disappears. “Oh god...you really are just like them. So then, you girls better give me one good reason to welcome you guys in. Otherwise, I’m gonna have to kick your asses outta here.”
And just like that, someone who you two thought was civilized quickly turns sour. Knowing the amount of pain that she can enforce, you and Kim are faced with a ticking time bomb. Kim desperately flips through her notebooks, seeing if she can show any of her records to impress her.
“Uhm...wait, please, Mrs. Margaret! We don’t know who you’re talking about, but w-we have no intention of hurting anyone. I-if you look at my notes, you can tell that I’m genuinely interested in writing about this myth! Y-you see, I’m an author, and Miss (Y/N) is a journalist. We’re working together!”
But this doesn’t convince Margaret at all. She glares at you two, picking up the broom Gerald dropped. Kim freaks out more, seeing if she can find anything to offer.
“We have money! We can pay for anything!!”
That doesn’t work either. For a writer, she does a poor job of persuading. You try to think of anything to support Kim. You look around, biting your nail as sweat begins to form. You hate this—being put on the spot to problem-solve. It makes you dizzy, making you want to escape as soon as possible.
You squeeze your eyes shut, thinking of the first thing that comes to mind. “I’ve been here before!”
Margaret stares at you, raising an eyebrow. You got her attention, so you take this chance to breathe.
“I came here during winter...when I was a child.”
The fury burning underneath Margaret’s eyes turns into sympathy. She lowers the broomstick, tears forming in her eyes as if she reunited with a long lost relative. To your surprise, she wraps her arms around you, catching both you and Kim off guard.
“You poor girl.”
Kim is absolutely confused. She looks at you in hopes of getting an explanation, but your expression is blank. You’re overwhelmed with multiple emotions, coming all together at once unsure of how to express them at once. It’s like when all colors come together to make white. The only thing you can do is hug her back.
———
On the second floor of the general store, you and Kim are sitting in their almost run-down kitchen. The flowery wallpapers are peeling, brown and yellow stains running down until it hits the dusty floorboards, and age-old grease stains and black food chunks occupying the stove. There’s also a gigantic hole in the ceiling.
Margaret sets down a tray of hot chamomile tea on the table. “Sorry for our shitty first impression. Things have just been so heated lately that we’re stressed out of our minds.”
You and Kim take a cup, blowing it before drinking, but Kim drinks it without issue. You want to rest your arms on the table, but it’s so sticky that it makes you quiver just thinking about the last time it was ever cleaned.
“It’s okay! From the looks of it, you guys went through a lot,” Kim replies in an optimistic tone. “What happened?”
Margaret grabs a nearby chair and sits down, placing her elbow on the table without hesitation and running her hand through her gray, curly hair. “We got these big companies, Dismaland or whatever the fuck their name is, demanding that we turn our town into a tourist attraction for a movie they’re making. You know, those family-friendly kinds. I dunno much ‘bout it since the mayor is the one who spoke to them, but we turned it down. Since then, they’ve been harassing us to sign their papers, so every young-lookin’ person dressed almost like you guys, we try kicking them out.”
You never realized how bad it’s gotten here. It was just as hostile as you remember in your memories, but a little worse since your parents were there to defend you.
“I swear to God, we’re nice people, but we gotta put up our guard if those bastards keep on coming back,” she sighs heavily. “But to be brutally honest, I really do think we need the money. As you can tell, our place is a shithole, and those big guys are willing to give us a small portion of the money.”
“But it isn’t really about the money, is it?” You ask.
She doesn’t respond immediately. Rather, she nods.
“You’re damn right. Those corporations don’t realize that they’re creating the biggest graveyard in history.”
Kim’s eyes widen, covering her mouth as she stares at you and Margaret. “No way...you mean to tell me…”
Margaret nods again. “This ‘Winter Bear’ ain’t no fable. It’s real.”
Kim places her hands flat on the tables. “Kids actually go missing?! I knew it! Everything was just too suspicious to be simply a story.”
“Yea, so even if we need the money to keep the town going, we ain’t gonna risk some kids’ lives for it.”
“Wait,” Kim pauses. “So then...if the disappearances of children are real, then what’s the actual cause of it? Don’t tell me it’s actually a bear.”
She shakes her head. “We don’t know either. All we know is that once the kids go into the forest, they don’t come back.”
Margaret glances at you, but you avoid her gaze. You act as if you have nothing to do with the conversation, sipping the tea.
“But that doesn’t make sense. Bears hibernate during winter and these disappearances happen around this time. Wouldn’t it make more sense that it’s some other animal or a person? Not a bear. And only winter?” Kim scratches her head.
“Not to sound like a smartass, but bears actually don’t hibernate.”
“What?? Really?”
“They sleep longer during the winter to save energy, but they wake up in case of danger or hunger. It is possible that you can still encounter a bear.”
“So then...do you think it’s possible that bears eat the children due to the lack of food?”
Margaret shrugs her shoulders. “That could be it, but let me ask you this: wouldn’t you think a bear would leave traces of the child? Clothes? Blood? Something? They disappear into thin air, almost like they never existed.”
This sends chills down Kim’s spine. She’s heard of this many times, but hearing it from an actual resident who has lived through children going missing is terrifying...but also intriguing.
“That means that we have to check the forest! Wait, Miss (Y/N), you said that you came here before. If kids go missing, then how did you survive?”
You stare at the wall, noticing how particularly yellow it is. Judging by how dirty the place is, it makes you wonder if the wallpaper was white but got stale as time went by. You’ve been very quiet, not bothering to put your input, and this concerns Margaret. She knew that Kim was stepping over her boundaries.
“...(Y/N)?” Kim asks. “Are you okay?”
“Huh? Oh, yea, I’m fine.”
“After your tea, I can show you young ladies where to go for the inn.”
Kim doesn’t read the atmosphere, not seeing how uncomfortable you’ve become. You clench onto the teacup, pinching the handle with all your might. You were confident when the thought of coming here sprung up, but being physically here is more demanding than you could’ve ever imagined.
———
Some time has gone by since the visit to Margaret’s place. She showed you two around the place, introducing you to some of the residents. Some of them you remember, but others you don’t. They don’t recognize you either, and Margaret is kind enough not to share your name with them. Once she’s finished showing you two around town, she eventually leads you two to the inn.
In the room, Kim is taking a shower while you sit by the edge of your bed. Despite struggling to find reception, the inn miraculously has some, although a bit slow. You have over fifty text messages from only two people—Suniya and your mother. Both of their messages are asking how you and Kim are doing. However, you turn off your phone, sighing as you toss it aside. You lay on your back, staring at the ceiling fan blanketed with dust. The fan itself looks like it’ll fall any second, seeing as it shakes even from the lightest movement.
You were naive to think that your problems will be solved if you stepped into Little Bare again. It’s more complicated than you expected, and now you want out. However, you’ve already promised to work with Kim; you can’t break the deal. You wish Suniya was here to yell at you, to tell you that you’ve made a dumb decision. That way, it would at least sound like she cares. Even though you’ve gotten to know Kim a little more, it still feels like you’ve stranded yourself on a foreign land.
And that image of the little girl, Annie, continuously appearing every time you close your eyes. Every corner of this town reminds you of her, like a ghost haunting you. You can sense her presence in the corner of the room, purposely watching you with hollow, blackened holes for eyes. She’s standing there in her pink parka and blue-striped dress, waiting for you to make your next move.
You groan, rubbing your eyes. You apply enough pressure that your eyes are being pushed back, rubbing so fast that your skin turns red. No matter how much you try to push the thoughts away, she just keeps coming back. Just as Kim exited the room, you get off the bed, taking your jacket and heading straight to the door.
“Where are you going? You look like you’re in a rush to start a mission.”
“It’s too small in here. I need some fresh air.”
“O-oh, okay...but please stay safe! Who knows what kinds of creeps are out there.”
“I will. Thanks.” You open the door and close it behind you.
———
You walk around, hands in the pockets of your jacket. There is no wind, but the drop in temperature stiffens your muscles. Just like in the morning, no one is occupying the streets. It’s just you, alone, with your bothersome thoughts. It manifests into a black aura, clinging onto the back of your head.
You thought about heading to Margaret’s place just to get things off of your chest, but you change your mind. She never directly stated it, but she knew who you were and what you went through. It was an odd moment that she sympathized with you without knowing exactly what had happened.
A flashy neon sign catches your attention. It’s in the shape of a brown beer bottle, pouring bubbles into a glass wine. It’s the bar that’s across the street of the general store called Bar & Grill. You’re not a drinker, but when your stress gets overwhelming, you tend to be persuaded by the lust of alcohol. Wanting to get rid of this black aura looming, you make the decision to enter the bar.
———
Your head is on the counter table, your arms around it to hide your red face. The inside of the place has very few people, only a few men who just came back from work, but even these men are barely whispering a word. The bartender stands on the other side of the counter, cleaning the glass cups with a white cloth.
“Hey, Miss. Do you have someone to take you home?”
You groan.
The bartender sighs. “You’re a young woman. Do you know how easy it is to be preyed on?”
“I can...handle myself,” you raise your head up, one eye open. “I practically raised myself! What makes you think I’m irresponsi...ble? You dunno me.” You slur your words.
The bartender sets the cup down, putting her hand on her hip and leaning on the counter. She isn’t sure if your red, watery eyes are because you drank so much or if you’re becoming emotional.
“You’re one of those researchers that came here earlier today, huh? Marge told me,” she shakes her head. “Jesus Christ, you city people really don’t know the limits to drinking.”
Next to you are five empty beer cups with the foam sliding down on the sides. You snicker at how much you drank, followed by a hiccup. “Wow, you’re right. I’m usually good at self-control. I know how to control my problems, but tonight is not one of those times.”
“It’s not that you’re good at controlling your problems. You’re just good at avoiding them. Marge told me about you, and no offense, but she thinks it’s fucking strange that you don’t look like you’re bothered that your sister was taken away by that monster. But I disagree. You’re pretending like it ever happened.”
“Excuse me? Who are you to assume how I feel??”
“Our place is practically off-coordinates with maps, but we still have those runaways who come to the bar every so often. You’re no different from them. So…”
“What?”
“Do you want to talk about it?” She crosses her arms. “I won’t tell anybody. We pretend that tonight never existed.”
You rummage your hand through your messy hair, calming down. It might be the toxication persuading you, but you’re not comfortable telling her.
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Oh really?”
“I don’t want to, and it’s because I don’t know how to talk about it. If I can’t even talk to my mom about it, then why the hell do you think I can tell you? When I did want to bring Annie’s disappearance up, my mom would change the subject. It’s not only that, but it was like...she wanted to make me disappear too. And I know it’s because she fucking blames me for losing her, and seeing my face reminds her that she lost her baby. She always favored Annie anyway, so it wasn’t surprising that when she went missing, she...she said…”
You have a flashback of when you were a child during the aftermath. You and your parents returned safely home but without Annie. Your six-year-old mind thought that if you stared at Annie’s cradle in your parents’ bedroom every so often, she would magically return. But to your dismay, your efforts were in vain, and she never appeared.
One night, you woke up from a repeating nightmare of the day you lost her, so to soothe your racing heart, you jumped out of your bed and ran to their bedroom to look at her cradle, praying that she’s there. But rather than seeing your parents asleep, they’re sitting by the edge of the bed. Your mother is curled into a ball, sobbing profusely while your father makes attempts to comfort her with shallow pats on the back. In between her cries, you heard:
“Why couldn’t it have been (Y/N)?”
Returning from a trip to the past, taking your wallet out and paying with cash. You put on your coat and head straight to the exit.
“Where are you going?” The bartender asks.
“To sleep.”
You march right out the bar, massaging your head. After opening the doors, you step out and nearly tripped. For a second, your foggy mind thought you stepped through a hole, but it turns out to be snow. Some time has gone since you’ve been holed up in the bar that it already began snowing and it’s piled up.
You wobble to the empty forest, leaving a trace of your footprints. You despise being anywhere near the empty forest that surrounds Little Bare, but with alcohol, you think you’re invincible. You stand in front of the forest, being unable to see into the distance with the fog blocking your view. But amongst the fog, there is an apparition.
You squint your eyes, but they fail to make sense of what stands far away. But what you can make of the figure is that it’s small and crouched over. It’s alive, moving around but at the same time, staying in the same spot. It isn’t far, but it isn’t that close either.
Your mind immediately draws to that apparition being a bear. That bear that took everything away from you--your little sister, your chance at a childhood, a shot at a proper adult life, everything. Anger spurs within you, no longer having that rationality in your fragile mind. Within a spur of impulse, you pick up a rock the size of your hand, pulling it back and throwing directly toward the bear.
“FUCK YOU!” You shout from the top of your lungs.
Despite the influence of alcohol, you nailed the apparition right at its head. It falls to the ground, the sound of a ‘plop’ echoing. In that brief act of revenge, victory overcame you. You nearly raise your hands up in celebration, thinking that you defeated your arch-nemesis. But you manage to return to your senses, realizing that the apparition isn’t a figment of your imagination...but an actual person. Then your adrenaline fades away.
You trek through the thick snow, hopping through it until you enter the forest, whilst tripping and stumbling. You lean over the black figure, rubbing your eyes to make sure that what you’re seeing is real. Unable to stand straight, you fall backward and land on your bottom. After blinking, dread sets in when you realize that it’s a child.
“Oh my god...oh no...help...”
You try to stand up to look for help, but once you do, your vision turns black and you become light-headed. Nausea hits you, wrapping your hand around your stomach to control your gag reflexes. The alcohol, lack of food and water, combined with the high elevation comes altogether, making you fall down again.
As your eyelashes flutter, there’s a flashlight illuminating from the direction where you came from. Just when you’re about to close your eyes, the young boy’s body grows exponentially, growing to an exact size of a fully-grown adult right before you.
———
“Mom! Dad! I made a best friend!! He lives in a cave in the forest with the black trees...No! I’m not lying. He really does live there! He’s six years old like me...What? He’s real!! He doesn’t live with a mom and dad, but he said that he lives with kids like me and him too…
“And I told him that I would show him Annie, too...”
“Don’t…!” You sit up in an unfamiliar room in a cold sweat and heavy breathing.
You’re on a clean bed, made of pure white. On the walls, there are drawings of the human anatomy, motivational quotes plastered on a piece of paper with words such as ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away’ and ‘be calm and exercise’.
Next the bed is Kim, startled by you suddenly waking up. “(Y/N)?! Are you okay??”
You look at your hand that’s trembling violently, but now that you’re conscious, the hangover hits you hard like a bullet. That massive headache and your stomach twisted in a knot. There’s a lump in your throat with the urge to throw up, but there’s nothing that’s coming out.
“Where...is this place?”
“It’s the clinic. The bartender found you unconscious with a man in the woods and thought that he was trying to take advantage of you.”
“A man…?”
You search through with what very little that you remember last night. You went to the bar to waste away, then you walked out. There was someone in the forest—a young boy. It was too dark to make sense of the boy’s details, but you just knew based on his shape that it was definitely a male.
“No...no…” You squeeze your eyes shut, enduring the pestering headache as you shake your head. “It...it was a boy. A kid.”
“What?” She raises an eyebrow. “There were no kids around, just the man. They’re interrogating him right now.”
You don’t recall a man being there. You must’ve been that fucked up to mistaken a man for a child. Even though it shouldn’t be an issue, it’s bothering you a lot. You remove the blanket, attempting to get out of bed before Kim stops you.
“What are you doing??”
“I have to see the man.”
“No! The doctor advised that you sit. You haven’t been eating, so you’re light-headed.”
“Let me see him. I need to.”
“Stop being crazy and just rest! They made food for you, so just eat and sleep.”
She puts her arms on you, but you gently push her hands away. “I will after I see him.”
You get out of bed, trying to stand but the light-headedness sets in. Your vision turns black briefly, causing you to stumble over your feet. Kim comes to the aid, helping you balance.
“See? I told you. Just rest.”
“No...I’m good. Do you know where this guy’s room is?”
Seeing how adamant you are about it, she decides to give in. “He’s in the room next to you.”
You head out of the room, walking slowly so that you don’t fall, then exiting the room. In the halls, there’s nobody, making it easier for you to head into the other room without any interruptions. You twist the doorknob, swinging it open to find the doctor and policeman, assuming by the uniforms that they’re wearing for their designated jobs. They turn to you, caught off-guard by your entrance.
The man that you’re looking for is on the bed, tilting his head when you two make eye contact. He has a long face, void of a smile. His black hair is frizzy and curly, strands of it flying all directions as if he just woke up. There are bandages wrapped around his head. After that short contact, he looks away, grabbing the doctor’s sleeve and using it to hide his face.
“Miss (Y/N)? What are you doing up?” The doctor asks.
Kim follows from behind.
“Miss Kim, I told you to watch over her.”
“I’m sorry...but she was persistent in seeing him.”
“Him…?”
Now that you have gotten your opportunity to meet with the man, you don’t know what to do. You stand still, at a loss of words when you meet the man that you ran into the forest. Perhaps you really did run into a man, not a child. You were under the influence, after all.
“Miss (Y/N),” the policeman starts. “Since you seem well enough to be standing, can I have a word with you?”
“Sure…”
———
“Amnesia?”
Returning back to your room, the policeman explains what they were discussing earlier. Kim had returned to the hotel room to give you and the police some privacy, and the doctor is staying with the man.
He sits with his hands folded on his lap, giving you a serious expression. “Yes. It’s a minor blunt-force trauma to the head, like something no bigger than a rock.”
“Oh my god…I was the one who hit him.”
“Did he try to assault you?”
You shake your head. “I did out of anger, but not at him. I was drunk and wasn’t thinking clearly.”
You fear that you’ll get in trouble, but you’re more fearful of the condition that you left the young man in. You weren’t expecting your throw to be that strong. The policeman scratches his beard, figuring out what to do in this situation.
“For all I know, you could be lying.”
You gulp.
“But hey, you could also be telling the truth. We don’t know until we check out the scene and hear his side. He doesn’t remember crap—not even his own name. For now, we’ll continue the investigation.”
You sigh in relief, but that still doesn’t deter the guilt from you. The man is a victim of your outlash, and it’s natural for you to want to make up for what you’ve done, even if it’s minor.
“Uhm...how is he…? The guy, I mean.”
“Other than the total amnesia, he’s in a healthy state. It’s strange, though. Other than a large coat, he was wearing a thin layer of clothes, but his body temperature wasn’t affected by the cold. We don’t have young people living here either, so it’s a mystery where he came from.”
He stands up from the chair, walking to the door.
“Well, it’s nice meeting you, Miss (Y/N). If you remember anything, then don’t be afraid to come to me. My name is Sheriff Tusk, and I’ll be in the police station often.”
“Okay, thank you.”
Sheriff Tusk walks out, leaving you alone. You fall back, resting your head on the pillow as you exhale. So much has happened in a short amount of time that it’s difficult to believe that all this actually happened. Even if you got away with being put to jail, you feel immensely guilty for hurting him.
———
The next day, you’ve been discharged from the hospital, suffering only from lack of nutrients and a hangover. Kim is in the room with you, helping you pack your things. Neither of you say much, focusing on putting your belongings away. You keep thinking about the man next-door, wondering how he’s doing. You keep stealing glances at Kim, wanting to ask her if you two can visit him but never gathering enough courage to actually ask her.
“Are you ready?” Kim asks as she puts the last folded shirt into your luggage.
“Hm? Oh, yea.”
You take the luggage from her and head to the door. Kim looks at her phone, once again, seeing that her phone has low reception. You pass by the man’s room, stopping in front of it and nearly causing Kim to bump into you.
“Whoa, what’s going on?”
Without a response, your eyes lay heavily on the door, struggling with the debate of whether or not you should enter.
“...(Y/N)...?”
Eventually, you make the final decision, approaching it and your hand grasping the doorknob. You pull the door open, making Kim confused, but not stopping you from continuing.
Inside the room, your peer at the bed, seeing the man sitting upward with a movable table that has a tray of food on top. He holds a cup of pudding in his hand, eating the chocolate-flavored dessert faster than the sound of light. He eats as though he hasn’t eaten in days, the pudding smearing on the corners of his lips.
It takes a moment for him to sense your presence, jolting and freezing when he sees you. You blink profusely, looking around the room nervously. You wanted to see him again, but you didn’t think about what, or if, you wanted to say something.
The man holds the end of his blanket and pulls it up.
You scratch the back of your neck, looking only at the corner of the room. “Hi, uh...I don’t think I’ve ever formally introduced myself. My name is (Y/N).”
You move closer and extend your hand out, but it makes the man flinch. Seeing that he doesn’t want to accept your hand, you pull it back.
“I don’t know if the doctor told you but...I’m the one who threw a rock at you, which is why you have that injury. I came in to say that I’m sorry.”
He doesn’t respond to you. Rather, he stares as if he’s fearful for his life, his pupils shaking from seeing you. You take one more step, wanting to get to know him, but it makes him flinch.
“I hope you—”
“S-stay away from me…” He whimpers.
His voice is deeper than any man’s voice, and yet his tone is like a scared child. Even the way he pronounced each syllable is with a lisp and not proper, as if he’s slurring. Despite his masculine outlook with his broad shoulders, tall height, and sharp eyes, underneath that shell, he’s fearful and small.
On the right side of you is the bathroom, the door open. You face the mirror, looking at your reflection. You see yourself as an ordinary person, but this man probably sees you as something, not someone, else in his reflection.
Kim puts her hand on your shoulder, pulling you back gently. “Miss (Y/N), I think it’s better to leave him alone.”
You know it’s better to do that, but there’s an urge within you, pushing you to stay. There’s an internal battle between you and yourself, the desire to stay and talk to him but leaving him alone to rest. Ultimately, you choose Kim’s suggestion.
You take a few steps back, your courage slowly being broken down with each step. “S-sorry…”
Breaking from a blanked trance, you abruptly pace out of the room and to the lobby. Kim is left confused, her head turning back and forth between you and the man.
“Sorry about bursting into your room. I pray for a healthy recovery.” Kim runs off to find you.
———
You stand just outside the small and aging medical building, Kim eventually catching up to you.
“Hey! What was up with that?”
No response.
“Miss (Y/N)...? Hello?”
“I...I don’t know.”
You couldn’t quite understand it either, unsure of what it was that made it okay to visit him. Despite his amnesia, it seems like he’s aware that you’re the one who injured him. With your behavior worrying her, Kim puts her hands on your shoulders, shaking you slightly.
“Do you know that guy?”
“No...no, not really.”
This is the first time you’ve met him, but there’s something about that man that you can’t put your finger on it. Perhaps it’s the guilt talking to your rationale or the urge to talk to somebody who’s close to your age. You just can’t let go of this.
“Well, you shouldn’t worry about it. The sheriff let you off, so you don’t have to take care of him.”
What Kim says floats over your head. You’re not doing this to appear like a law-abiding citizen. There’s this unconscious instinct that’s pulling you to him. It sounds unrealistic and dramatic, but there’s no other way you can describe this feeling. You turn around, staring at the medical building.
———
“What do you mean I can’t visit?”
In the main lobby, the doctor is sitting behind his desk, reading the newspaper. He lowers his glasses to give you a hollow glare. It’s the next day, and you decided to visit the man a second time but your visitation has been turned down by the doctor.
“Visiting without the patient’s permission, especially consistently, is harassment. I’ve been notified of what happened yesterday, so to protect each patient’s safety, I advise that you leave him alone.”
“But I’m not doing anything bad. I just want to talk to him.”
“I know you don’t have malicious intentions, but he’s still recovering from the head injury. Plus, the police are investigating, so it’s better if you leave him alone to avoid trouble.”
“I know, but…” You trail off.
“And you should be resting as well. You’re slightly anemic and are lacking some sugar in you. I’d say run to the store and buy some ice cream.”
Despite that, you stand still. Eating for your physical health’s sake isn’t your priority, but to see the man again. The desire to see him is just as haunting as seeing delusions of your little sister.
He raises an eyebrow, folding his newspaper up and leaning over his desk. “Why are you so persistent in talking to him? From as far as I can tell, you two don’t know each other.”
He’s asking a question that you don’t know the answer to. He waits for a response, but nothing. You seem hesitant, figuring out why it’s your first instinct to see him. You just have to, but if you tell him that, then he’ll most likely kick you out anyway for an absurd reason.
Seeing as you won’t say anything, he leans back, returning to his newspaper. “Well then, I’m sorry but without a proper reason, I can’t let you see him.”
“But…!”
He sighs, losing his patience with you. “I will call Sheriff Tusk if you don’t leave us alone.”
With the threat of police involvement, it pulls you back. You turn to the door, your shoulders raised up.
“Damn city people, thinking they can do whatever they want.” The doctor whispers.
You stop in your tracks. Normally, you don’t let insults like these get to you, but his tone made it seem like you’re scum. You’re not being stubborn because you think you’re superior to the rest of them, but he paints it that way.
With your eyes filled with red, you spin around, marching right back at the doctor. He notices right away, lowering the newspaper and preparing for an attack from you. You clench your fist, getting ready to let him know what’s been in your mind and conveying that through a punch.
But you purposely look away from him, looking at the corner of the room, your inner voice telling you to stop. When you get to his desk, you nearly slam your hand on it before the last nanosecond, pulling the force back and your fists making a soft landing.
You stare straight into the doctor’s shaking eyes. You exhale heavily, cooling down your temper. “Sorry. I just wanted to say that mold is growing in the corners. You should give it a look.”
He raises an eyebrow, questioning your mental state. Absolutely nothing made sense, not even to you. You turn around and pacing out of the building. He fixes his glasses, having no clue what just happened. He looks at the corner, seeing the black mold growing.
———
Outside of the medical building, you crouch into a fetal position, hiding your face in your knees. You don’t know what’s going on with you. You don’t have full control of your body, and it’s scaring you. One second, you’re oddly pulled toward that strange man, the next second, you let your anger take the driver's seat. You’re beginning to think that you belong in an insane asylum.
“Oh my, what in the devil’s name are you doing?” Margaret jogs to you.
She crouches over, rubbing your back. She takes your arm and helps you stand up. You’re confused, not knowing who’s touching you or where you’re at. You come back to your senses when you see Margaret’s face.
“Don’t be sitting in the snow like that, you crazy woman! Look at you, dressed like a whore out here in the cold and only wearing a thin layer of clothes!”
Calling you a ‘whore’ was a bit uncalled for, but you don’t get angry.
“Jesus Christ, that damn doc discharged you early. That scum of a doc probably let you go early because he’s too lazy to take care of you. C’mon girly, come to my place.”
She holds onto you, letting you lean on her to her place.
———
In her kitchen, Margaret sets a tray of cookies from a tin box in front of you with a warm cup of coffee. You sit with your knees close to your chest, curled up in a ball. You pick up a cookie, but the edges start crumbling. After a bite, it practically falls apart in your mouth and makes your throat dry. You take a sip of the coffee, clearly tasting the stale flavor of the grounded beans and sink water combined. You try not to make a bitter look, but you can’t help it.
“That boy has been stirring shit up even though he’s the one being holed up in that den. The whole town has been talking about him.”
She takes a seat next to you, putting sugar in her coffee and mixing it with a spoon. She takes a sip, smacking her lips after tasting her awful coffee calmly as if this taste is normal to her.
“But seeing a young man is definitely a breath of fresh air. Like with you and your Kimmy friend, it’s rare to see youngins here. Maybe he was with those contractors from the other day and got separated from them.”
It’s the most sensible explanation, but it doesn’t explain why he was alone in the forest. If he was a part of those businessmen, then he would’ve long since gone into the town and asked for help.
“What were you doing there, on your knees like you were prayin’?”
Once again, there’s that hesitation. She looks at you, ready for you to spill your heart out, but two decades of being a closed book, it feels way too strange to share. Just from your silence alone, she can tell that you’re not comfortable yet.
“You know that by clamming it into your brain ain’t gonna make it better. Even if you don’t tell me, I know exactly why you’re freaking out like your ass’s on fire.”
It’s a weird simile, but you take it.
“I know your struggle, but it ain’t like I understand it though. That’s why you gotta explain it.”
You hold the cup with your two hands, looking down at your reflection in the coffee.
“Don’t think that just because you’re all grown up now that I don’t remember what happened to you and Annie. I’ve lived here for thirty years, and every single kid who went missing here has been imprinted in my head. If there’s someone you want to talk to, don’t be afraid to talk. Or…” Margaret wipes imaginary dust off your shoulders, raising her eyebrows and smiling widely like a cartoon character. “I’m wrong and you crushin’ on that boy.”
“What the…? No.”
“Lady, don’t hide it. I saw how much you were beggin’ to see that young lad. I know young love when I see it.”
“It’s not even remotely close,” You don’t know how this turned romantic suddenly. “It’s normal for someone with decent morals to make sure that the person they harmed is okay.”
“Whatever you say, girly.”
It was so long ago, but now you remember. That time when you first came here, Margaret also told your parents to scram. Being no taller than your mother’s waist, she looked like a giant—a real-life monster scaring you to death. You can’t recall the exact words, but she must’ve been just as hostile as she was with you and Kim on the first day. But with the lens of an adult, now you know that those shouts were for concerns. She must’ve seen you and Annie and knew what ill fate was about to occur.
You look out the window and at the clinic. That man is still in his room, doing God knows what. “Margaret, don’t get the wrong impression, but how much are your flowers and candy?”
———
One of the good things about this clinic is that it’s open 24/7, but the doctor sleeps at his desk. You open the door carefully, making sure that you don’t make a noise. You keep your eye on the doctor, nervous that he’ll wake up. In your hands is a bouquet of flowers and on the other is a grocery bag. You move your hands as little as possible, holding two of the loudest objects in your arms. Luckily, you manage to pass by without waking him up, your feet lightly making its way up the stairs and to the man’s room.
As you sneak through the halls, you’re beginning to think of yourself as a creepy person. You really went through the lengths to see a man who you’ve harmed once and spoken to once. You’ve always been questioning your mental stability, but this is pushing it. A part of you wants you to run out, but you’ve already put yourself deep into this mess to leave.
You make it to his bedroom, a single light coming from behind the curtains. You knock on the door, and although you don’t get a response, you can hear the sheets fluttering. You put your hand on the doorknob, but then you pull back, the reality of the situation hitting you hard. Sighing heavily, you think it’s best to leave. At this rate, what you’re doing can get you into massive trouble.
Just as you turn around, you hear a loud bang in the man’s room, followed by the ringing echoes of metal objects dropping. You scrunch your shoulders up, nearly screaming at the sudden loudness. This prompts you to open the door and check what happened.
In the room, you look around, but only darkness wraps around you, taking seconds for your eyes to adjust to it. On the ground is the man, squirming around, entangled in the blanket. You’re unsure of what to do, placing the grocery bag and bouquet on the bed. You attempt to pull the sheets off of him, but his kicking and punching creates a struggle for both of you.
“Hey, you don’t need to move so much…!”
After a while, you’re able to pull it off. When he sees you, he freezes, and you as well. You move back, on your knees, but having no idea how to explain why you’re here, you scratch the back of your neck.
“So uhm...what were you doing on the floor?”
Why did you even ask that, you idiot?! You want to slap yourself, but you remain cool. The man stares at you, having no idea how to answer you. If anything, he seems more frightened than shocked to see you. You try to think of anything to reassure him that you’re not a threat.
You grab the bouquet from the bed and show it to him. “This is for you.”
He stares at it curiously, like he doesn’t know what it is. He reaches over to grab it, but he pulls his hand back.
“Wh...where did you get this?”
“...I got it from the store…?”
Since it’s winter, most of the flowers have been shipped from other areas, but Margaret’s shop didn’t have that many, so the bouquet is rather small. He eyes it in awe as if he’s never seen these before. He pulls a rose out, inspecting every angle. He bends the stem, then picks a petal off. He does it again, and again, and again until his lap is surrounded with red petals. What’s left of the rose is the crooked stem, and the thorns.
He sweeps the crimson petals into a pile, finding the smoothness of it satisfying, pinching them in between his thumb and index finger. He raises his head, giving you round, innocent eyes, pointing at himself. “Are these for me?”
“Y-yea…”
You almost forgot about the second half of the gift. You grab the grocery bag, spilling the content all over the floor. It’s different kinds of candy—chocolate bars, jawbreakers, and gummy worms.
“When I came here last time, you were eating that pudding to death, so I thought you’d like to have more sweets.” You don’t even know if he’s supposed to be consuming this much sugar, but you thought that you just had to buy him these.
You give him a watermelon-flavored hard candy. He tilts his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. That’s when he pops the candy into his mouth, not bothering to remove the wrapper.
“Ah! What are you doing?! Spit it out!” You sit up, pulling yourself closer to him.
Startled by your raised voice, he flinches at first, raising his arms up like you were about to hit him. He spits out the candy immediately, that childish curiosity disappearing. You move back, wondering if your loud tone scared him.
“You...you can’t eat it like that. You have to take off the wrapper first.”
You wait for him to pick up the wet candy, but he doesn’t. Not wanting to pick up the saliva-covered candy, you pick up a different one, showing it to him.
“Copy me.”
He picks up the one he spat out, pinching the wrinkled edges just like you. You pull it outward, the wrapper spinning and loosening. Once the twists come off, you unpeel the plastic, showing him a hardened sphere. You put in your mouth, letting the sweetness soak in your mouth.
“Like that.”
He does what you do, the candy twirling until it’s untwisted. He takes it out, eating it, and that’s when his eyes widen, astonished by how sweet it is.
“It’s sweeter than pudding!” He exclaims.
His enthusiasm for how sweet candy is is absolutely weird...yet endearing. For a man who’s around your age to behave like he’s experiencing sugar for the first time is abnormal, but it makes you feel...warm inside.
He tries to bite the candy, but he wasn’t expecting it to be this difficult and ends up hurting his jaw. “Ow…but it’s not soft like pudding.”
You hold back the urge to laugh. He definitely has been living under a rock if he didn’t know that he can’t bite it down so easily. That’s probably why the doctor gave him soft foods.
He reaches for another one, but you stop him. “What are you doing?”
“I want to eat another one.”
“I-I know it’s for you but...you should wait to have more in the morning. It’s not good for your teeth.”
He’s saddened, but he obeys. He folds his hand, but his eyes won’t leave the candy that you dropped everywhere. Unable to say no to his puppy eyes, you give him candy that’s easier to chew. Not letting him unwrap it himself, you open it for him.
“This is taffy. It’s strawberry flavor. I think you might like it.”
You give it to him, and lights sparkle behind his eyes. He eats it, savoring the taste. Seeing his smile makes you feel fuzzy, like seeing how genuinely happy he is for something as simple as getting candy makes you want to smile too.
“Uhm...I don’t know if I ever got your name,” but then you recall that he doesn’t remember his name. “Actually, wait...never mind.”
“...Taehyung.”
Taehyung? It sounds out of place for a town like Little Bare. He definitely isn’t from here, which only brings more mystery as to who he actually is. Other than that, it’s a unique name foreign to you.
“I’m...sorry for hitting you on the head. I wasn’t thinking straight and did something really stupid…”
“Yea, it really hurt,” he points out blatantly. “Just promise me that you won’t do it again. Not just to me, but to anybody else.”
It felt out of sorts that somebody as immature as Taehyung would give you a lecture, but you nod. “Promise.”
“Okay.” And just like that, he continues eating the taffy.
He scoots closer to you, losing the tensity in his muscles. Your determination to see him has finally died down, and now the timidness is entering your body. It’s impossible to distract yourself from him, watching him eat with absolute happiness, glad that you ignored the urge to run away and stayed.
You stare at the candies on the ground, the sensation of nostalgia overcoming you. You ate these when you were a child, and you ate these a lot with Annie, especially the watermelon-flavored candy. Since her disappearance, it was difficult for you to consume these again. But times have changed, and you bought these impulsively for Taehyung.
You bite the candy that’s in your mouth, breaking it into pieces to swallow, then putting the watermelon one in. Eating it was like going back in time, being that six-year-old, naive girl. You even ate this when you were here, fighting with Annie and not sharing one until your mother yelled at you to share. It’s such a trivial memory, but one that you remember vividly.
But this is the reason why you avoided anything relating to this town. It brings back memories that you tried so hard to bury deep in your head. You don’t want to be re-attached to emotions that you cut the strings to. You flutter your eyelashes, raising your head at the ceiling to stop the tears from falling. You can hear Annie’s laughter, holding her small, chubby hands as you two run through the snow. You exhale slowly, but it’s shaky, and your chest feels heavy.
“(Y/N)...are you okay?” Your trance is broken when you hear Taehyung’s voice.
You return to your senses, surprised that he remembers your name. “N-no...I’m just...I just haven’t...it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”
Taehyung tilts his head to the side, observing you fighting back the tears as you rub your eyes. With your eyes closed, he extends his hand out, reaching for your head, but when you open them back up, he pulls it back immediately.
———
“Oh no, Tae, what happened this time??”
“They were pushing me around again. They were throwing snowballs and telling me to go away. They kept telling me that they don’t play with immigrants. What does that mean?”
“...Ignore them. Tell me where they hit you.”
“My head...they kept aiming there.”
“A snowball is not supposed to hurt. Oh dear God...you’re bleeding again. Don’t tell me, did they put rocks in the snowballs again??”
“I don’t know...but it really hurts.”
“My poor child…”
“...Mom…”
“Yes?”
“...Am I an alien?”
“What? No! You’re Kim Taehyung, the strongest boy.”
“But...I’m skinnier than the rest of the kids. Plus...they keep saying that I have small eyes. I can never beat them at racing.”
“Taehyung. Do you know what’s the strongest forest animal?”
“What?”
“A bear. They’re huge and can beat up anything that stands in their way. But you know what else makes a bear strong? Not only physical strength, but their will power to stay alive too. You may be a cub right now, but when you grow up, you’re going to be the strongest bear in the entire world! You’re going to be so strong that you won’t need to hibernate like the rest of the grizzlies. That’s why, no matter what, Taehyung, you’ll always be my baby bear. When you’re in trouble, call for me and I’ll be there. I promise I won’t leave you. Now, let’s get you treated at the clicnic.”
———
“Are you insane??” Kim’s booming voice echoes across the inn. Kim’s hands are on her hips, like a mother scolding her child.
You’re by the edge of the bed, startled by her voice.
“Did you really think that the doctor wouldn’t see the things you left for that guy? The doctor told me everything this morning. What the hell were you thinking, sneaking into his room late at night??”
You sigh, unbuttoning your coat. “His name is Taehyung.”
“His name doesn’t matter. What matters is that you broke into his room. It’s already enough that you nearly got in trouble for injuring him, but this? This is pushing it!” She wants to say more, but letting her anger out on you won’t do anything to ease it.
The way she lectures you reminds you of Suniya, and it might be because Kim is beginning to understand what she meant when she said that you’re disconnected. Logic does not correlate with you and you do things erratically.
“But I didn’t hurt him this time. We had a little chat, and I gave him a few things.”
“But did it really have to be during the middle of the night?”
It didn’t, but there was no other way if the doctor was going to keep you away from him.
“Is it because you felt bad?”
“...I guess? He’s a really nice guy. You should talk to him. Everything he says is interesting.”
You don’t need her to tell you that what you did was wrong, but perhaps she’s doing it because of how nonchalant you are.
“Miss (Y/N)...you can’t forget about why we’re here. This isn’t a vacation, we’re working, and we both haven’t even jotted down a single word. Fooling around with a stranger—”
“Taehyung.”
“...Taehyung...Talking to him is going to waste more time. He’s not paying for our meals.”
You fold your hands on your lap, glaring at it. She can tell you feel a little guilty, so she tries figuring out how to talk to you without you becoming withdrawn. She takes a seat next to you, but makes a clear gap between you and her.
“Remember why we’re here. There’s a story that we have to tell, right? To warn people that this place isn’t meant to be lived in.”
You pick on your fingernails, fully aware of your purpose for being here...but seeing Taehyung was almost like a calling...That night, talking and eating candy on the floor, it felt like an eternity since you last spoke to someone that didn’t have anything to do with work. Even though you’ve never met him before, it felt like you’ve known him for years.
“Yea...yea, yea. I know.”
“If you know, then let's start our work today. We’ve gotten comfortable with this place, so let’s start by interviewing the townspeople.”
“Okay.”
———
Laying on his back is Taehyung, raising his arms up and staring at the candy wrapper. He covers the ceiling light with the wrapper, and he smiles while thinking of you.
“Taehyung, focus.” The doctor snaps his fingers.
Taehyung flinches and crunches the wrapper in his hand. Sitting on a stool next to the bed is the doctor with a clipboard.
“Answer my questions. Have you recollected any memories since your stay here?”
Taehyung shakes his head.
“Nothing?”
He nods.
“So is it really your name that you only remember?”
He nods again.
“And you have no idea where you’re from? Not a clue?”
He shrugs his shoulders. His lack of vocal response irritates the doctor slightly, but forcing Taehyung to answer won’t solve anything either.
“Well then, your health is improving exponentially, so you’ll be discharged soon. If you still can’t remember who you are, then we have to figure out where you can stay.”
The doctor gets up and leaves the room. Waiting in the hallway is Sheriff Tusk, his arms crossed. They look at each other, disappointed looks on their faces.
“Anything?” Tusk asks.
The doctor shakes his head. “I can’t get anything out of him. He’s got the mentally of a child stuck in a man’s body. Despite that, he’s recovering at a rapid pace, faster than an average person. His internal injuries are practically gone and all he has left is for his scar to go away. But...something did happen last night.”
“What?”
“That city chick, (Y/N), snuck in here.”
Sheriff Tusk throws his head back. “What in the hell…? For what?”
“To drop off some gifts for him.”
“...You don’t think she’s tryna coerce him? She is the reason why he’s here.”
He shrugs his shoulders. “I have no clue. I’m not sure if you remember, but she’s the one with the missing sister.”
“Oh, that’s the girl? Why the hell is she back here for?”
“From what Margaret said, she and her friend are here to write a book.”
Sheriff Tusk sighs, running his hand through his beard. “Fucking shit...It’s already enough that those goddamn contractors keep coming back…”
“Well, technically the girls aren’t causing harm, so far. I can have Margaret keep an eye on them.”
“Alright...I’ll continue with the investigation. For now, make sure that that young man doesn’t leave. Once I get things together, I have a few questions for him too.”
The doctor nods and Tusk walks off. Once the sheriff walks out of the building, he turns around and returns to Taehyung’s room. But when he opens the door, he nearly has a heart attack from Taehyung, who stands inches away from the door.
“Jesus Christ…! What are you doing out of bed?!”
“I heard you say (Y/N). Is she here?”
He thought that he and the sheriff were speaking quietly, so he wasn’t expecting Taehyung to eavesdrop, but he forgot that the walls are thin. He’s worried that he might’ve heard what they said, but he simply stares at the doctor with curious, naive eyes.
“No, she isn’t.”
“Do you know when she’s coming back?”
“No idea. Just go to bed.”
The demand from the doctor saddens Taehyung. He drops his head, slugging his feet across the room and back to his bed. Just like what Tusk said, the doctor is concerned that you might’ve influenced him to ruin the investigation between you and him, but it seems like he really likes you.
He puts his hands in his pocket. “Taehyung, be truthful with me. Did (Y/N) say anything to you?”
Taehyung rummages through his pockets and shows the doctor a handful of plucked petals and candy wrappers. “She showed me how to eat candy and gave me flowers. When you eat it, you have to take off this cover-thingy…” He pinches the wrapper.
“Mm-hm, okay. Anything else?”
“...Hm...oh, she also seemed kind of sad.”
“She what?”
He tries copying what you did last night, raising his head up and staring at the ceiling. “She wasn’t crying like a baby, but her eyes got watery.”
It’s no surprise. When the doctor first saw you, you seemed like a broken person upon first glance. But he didn’t want to say anything, believing it might’ve been too sensitive of him.
“...I think she hates me.”
“Hm? What makes you think that?”
“You said that she told you that she threw a rock at me and was angry, then she looked sad when she was with me. I think I hurt her before I forgot my memories.” He has a sullen look on his face.
Pitiful is what the doctor would describe Taehyung. His way of thinking is too pure...too black and white. There’s no complexity in him, so if the doctor were to discharge him, he would have no chance of surviving out there.
He leans over and pats Taehyung on the back. “She said that it was an accident and is sorry. Forget about it.”
“...But I can’t...How do you make someone forgive you?”
“You can’t make someone forgive you. Even if you’re the one who made the mistake, it’s up to the other person if they can fully accept what you’ve done,” he pokes Taehyung’s forehead. “Sometimes you think that seeking forgiveness comes from others, but it’s also forgiving yourself with what you’ve done.”
It’s too confusing for Taehyung to grasp what he means.
“But that’s saying if you really did something awful to her. Do you know if you actually hurt her?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “I...don’t know. I think I did, but I can’t remember. I just don’t want to see her sad.”
The doctor can see the clear self-frustration in Taehyung. He’s convinced that he wronged you, but the real challenge comes from how he did it. But seeing him battle with himself, it leaves the doctor with a lingering thought… “I know you told her not to see me...but is it okay if I see her again? I want to say sorry to her.”
The doctor hums, thinking about that request. “I can’t make promises, but we’ll see.”
“Okay, thank you!”
———
“Don’t bother seeing him again.”
“What?!”
Later that day, the doctor came to visit you and Kim at your inn to drop the request. “You trespassed into private property and caused mental harm to my patient. And don’t you think it’s smarter to leave him alone, especially when you’re being suspected of physically harming him?”
“…I know what this is about.” You clench your fists.
“Miss (Y/N), please don’t…”
“You’re just doing this to spite us! You hate people from the city, so you’re treating us like shit!”
“Miss (Y/N)!”
“That’s what you think. But you shouldn’t be talking to someone who took the time to nurse you back to health.”
“Don’t use that excuse to justify your shitty behavior!!”
With your face turning red, Kim gets up and pulls you back from the doctor. You jerk your hands off.
“I don’t need an excuse when we have people here taking advantage of my town and the people living here for money. If you want to make money somewhere else, then do that instead, not my home.” He walks away.
“WAIT! COME BACK HERE!!” You shout.
“Miss (Y/N), stop it!!” Kim aggressively pulls you back, shutting the door to prevent you from running out. “What the fuck is going on with you?!”
“Don’t you see it?? He’s just doing that because he fucking hates us! I’m not doing shit to Taehyung!!”
“But he’s a doctor, you should listen to him!”
“Degree or no degree, you don’t need a Ph.D to be a complete asshole.”
“I can tell! Talk about yourself!” She blurts out suddenly.
However, she covers her mouth, regretting immediately with what she said. Her words pierce your heart, but in all honesty, you needed that slap in the face. You weren’t looking at yourself to realize how much trouble you were causing for others.
“Miss (Y/N), I’m so sorry I…”
“No...it’s okay. I needed that.”
“...But please...stop lying that you’re fine. You make it very obvious that something's bothering you.”
You sigh. “...I hate feeling guilty. It’s like...it’s all I could think of, and I hate it. That’s probably why I really want to see him. I can’t let this go.”
That heaviness in your chest caused by guilt is unfathomably painful—so heavy that it’s suffocating. You’re aware of your obsessive nature, and you’d like to control it, but it’s been so deeply rooted into your blood that even if you try to get rid of it, it’s almost impossible. That’s why it’s easier to pretend that the problem never existed rather than solve it.
“I’m sorry, Kim, for dragging you into this.”
Unlike the other conversations that they had before, it truly feels like you’re fully present. Your mind isn’t floating somewhere else, but here.
“It’s okay...people are bound to have their slip-ups. Just...listen to the doctor. I don’t want us to be kicked out.”
You bite on your thumb, not exactly agreeing to Kim, but just as she said, you don’t want to be forced out of town either.
———
Late at night, Taehyung is laying in bed, staring out the window as he counts the number of stars, even though he can count as far as ten. After hitting ten, he restarts and would end up counting the same stars repeatedly.
He hears a knock at the door, then the door creaking open.
“Hello…? Taehyung, are you here?”
Your voice brings a smile to his face, straightening his back. “I’m here!”
“Shh…” You peer over the corner of the wall. “The doctor is asleep.”
“Oh, okay. Did the doctor tell you to visit me again?”
“Ah ha ha...yea.” You avert your eyes.
He hears the rustling of the grocery bag in your hands. Curious, he looks down. “What’s in there?”
He bounces up and down excitedly. You take out the components in the bag, showing him some fruits and drinks. He’s in awe at the different foods you display on the bed, making his mouth water.
“Peaches!”
He picks up the pink fuzzball, almost taking a bite out of it before you take it away from him. “Wait!”
He slumps his shoulders, pouting.
“I didn’t get the chance to clean it, then I’ll cut it for you.”
You rush to the bathroom, rinsing the fruit before returning. In the bag, you take out a small pocket knife, cutting the skin and slicing it into pieces. He stares at it with wide eyes in awe, impressed by your cutting skills, even though it’s nowhere near astonishing.
You give him a piece, and he takes it, shoving it into his mouth and overwhelmed by the sweetness. “This is better than candy.”
“It’s more refreshing, isn’t it? I thought that since last time I brought you some unhealthy snacks, I’d give you healthier options. Well...that’s what I thought...but I couldn’t help but buy something else.”
You wipe your hands down on your jeans, but the stickiness from the fruit juice remains. You take out a can of soda, showing it to him, but leaving him confused. He creases his eyebrows, scratching his chin as if he’s trying to interpret what he’s looking at.
“...This is cola. You’ve had them before, right?”
He shakes his head. “I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never seen it.”
You open the can, the click of the carbonated fizz leaks out from inside. He’s so impressed by it, moving closer to the drink and smell the faint flavor of the cola.
You put it into his hand, and he hesitantly takes a sip. However, he gives a distasteful look, his face cringing from the strong fizziness of the drink. The face he makes makes it impossible for you not to laugh.
“It’s nasty…”
“I’m sure that if you keep drinking it, then you’ll love it for sure.”
He shakes his head, eating more peaches to get rid of the taste. Throughout the night, you show him the many different fruits, and he takes a bite with each one of them. No matter what it is, it will always astonish him, so keen to learn more.
Before you know it, hours have gone by, but it feels as though it’s only been minutes.
“How’s your head?” You ask.
“It doesn’t hurt anymore, but the doctor is always asking me if I remember anything,” he makes a raspberry noise with his lips, falling onto the pillow. “That’s all we talk about.”
“Well...do you remember anything?”
He looks around suspiciously as if he’s making sure that there’s nobody else in the room. He leans over as if he’s going to whisper a deep, dark secret. “Don’t tell anybody, but I do remember a few things.”
“You do?”
He nods. “I remember them in frames, like still pictures. It’s foggy, but there are parts that came back to me.”
“What do you remember?” You lean closer.
“There’s a lot of snow, and I was sitting on the ground. It was really...really cold. Also, everyone looked taller and angry.”
Although it’s great that he has some memories come back to him, they’re vague. His memory is no different than how some of the townspeople treat you.
“Anything else?”
“...Oh, yea. There’s also a large cave in the forest too. I went there a lot.”
The mention of a save makes you shudder, and that’s when a wave of memories return for you. You know exactly which cave he’s talking about...the one you and Annie went to. You hug yourself, trying to forget about it.
“(Y/N)? Are you okay?”
You blink profusely, nodding your head. “Y-yea...I’m fine. Taehyung, I have to ask you something.”
“Hm?”
“Did you...by any chance, ever run into a bear? Or a child? At the cave?”
He stares at the ceiling, shaking his head. “No.”
“...Do you even know about the Winter Bear story?”
He shakes his head again.
“...It’s...about a grizzly bear who’s the only bear in the entire world that doesn’t sleep during winter. Because of that, he gets lonely, so he kidnaps kids.”
Your knee begins shaking violently, motioning up and down at rapid speed. Taehyung’s eyes are fixated on your anxious knee.
“He...took my little sister a long time ago, and...it’s my fault. He...paid attention to me, and I liked it. And truth be told, I loathed my sister as much as I loved her.”
His eyebrows crease, not quite knowing what ‘loathed’ means.
“My parents, especially my mom, loved her to death. I still don’t know why. It might be because she was the baby of the family or if it’s ‘cause she resembles my mom a lot, but she was always favored. And imagine the horror that unfolded when they heard that their favorite child went missing and their least favorite child is to be blamed for.” You laugh at yourself.
You will never forget the look of terror on your mother’s face when you returned with your clothes torn and freezing. It wasn’t because of the state that you were in, but the fact that you returned without Annie. She immediately went around town, asking for help, and everybody searched to no avail. Your mother never directly stated that it was your fault, but the way she looked at you like she was going to throw up.
You so desperately wanted to apologize to her, but each time you tried it, she would change the subject. If you were insistent in talking about it, she would become violent. Items being thrown to the floor, her blood-curdling screams, those wide, gaping eyes glaring down at you like you’re vermin. It made you afraid of your own mother. That’s why you tried to bury your memories, and when you did, you either emotionally detached yourself or changed your thoughts to something else, just like how your mother did.
But every time you did think about your sister, you felt that immense guilt gulping you up. You would become manic—wanting to do anything possible to seek forgiveness. You would return to that fragile, little girl who wanted her mother’s love.
Taehyung searches through his pockets, giving you one of the candies that you gave to him. Some of the wrappers fall out of his pocket as well, but he ignores them. You raise an eyebrow, but he nudges for you to take it. It’s the watermelon flavor candy.
“The candies are so sweet there’s no room for bitterness. That’s what I learned after eating so much of it.”
You take it from his hand, unwrapping it and putting it in your mouth. And just like what he said, your tongue is overflowing with the sweet, sweet watermelon. When you look up at Taehyung’s face, making proper eye contact with him for the first time, you notice something odd. His expression is blank, but tears are falling.
You let out a single laughter. “Why are you the one crying?”
He didn’t need to say anything for you to know that he sympathizes, maybe even empathizes, with you. It always felt like when you said something, you got attacked in return. Whether it be Suniya nagging at you, Kim criticizing your rash behavior, those faceless comments on your article bashing you, or even your mother neglecting you when you tried mending the relationship, it felt like everything you did was a mistake. No one wanted to listen to you, and it made you scared to be honest.
He brushes your bangs away to get a better look at your face. Even though you barely know him, it feels like he’s been your longtime friend. Without thinking, you drop yourself onto him, hiding your face in his chest. You hold him tightly, silently crying on his shirt. He’s confused, as stiff as a rock. He slowly sets his hands on your back like an amateur hugger. But you’re no different either since you’re just as awkward as he is.
“I’m...sorry.” He apologizes.
You laugh through the sobs. “Why are you apologizing? It’s not your fault.”
He doesn’t reply.
You forgot how sticky your hands are—Taehyung’s lint gets stuck on the palm of your hands. You rarely talk about yourself, but with Taehyung, it feels oddly comfortable around him. Just the look of his eyes alone, you knew that he wasn’t going to judge you. You didn’t need to get defensive because you felt safe.
“Thanks for listening to me.”
———
You peek through the crack of the door, waving at him one more time before leaving. He waves back, mouthing the words, ‘please come back soon’. You nod, gently closing the door. You sigh, slightly embarrassed for breaking down earlier. It’s not every day that you have a heart-to-heart conversation with someone, so it was new. But you can’t hide that little smirk on your face, like some of that weight on yours has been alleviated.
“Seems like no matter how many times I tell you, you think you’re superior to me.”
Startled, you nearly scream when you cover your mouth. You spin around and meet eyes with the doctor who seems unsurprised that you’re here.
“Uhm...I can explain.”
“No need. I give up on trying to convince you.”
“...Really?”
“I don’t know what you want from that kid, but it doesn’t seem like it’s bad. Just don’t pick on him.”
“I’m not.”
“Even if I did tell you to stop, you’ll just continue breaking in late at night.” He walks off.
That felt...a bit too easy. You thought that he was going to put up more of a fight, but it might be because of old age or because of your stubbornness, he was quick to throw in the towel. However, you aren’t complaining about this and if anything, plays in your favor.
———
For the next few days, you have been visiting Taehyung. You two wouldn’t do much but talk, and these conversations would go on for hours. For once, it didn’t feel like your life was single-colored, and his liveliness was contagious. You found yourself laughing and smiling a lot more than usual. But it isn’t as if you two are doing anything spectacular, just talking.
There are traits of him that you’ve noticed. He has these moments where he’s easy to read, like a child, but there are other times when he’ll blank out and you have no idea what’s in his mind. He’s always curious about the world and whenever there’s something that he doesn’t know, he would ask you. He doesn’t ask the doctor and always goes to you first.
“Taehyung?” You peek through the doors.
No reply. Instead, you hear the shower going off in the bathroom, so he must be taking a shower. You thought about waiting in the lobby, not wanting to scare him when he’s out of the shower, but you also think it’s better to stay. Even though you and the doctor came to terms, it’s still uncomfortable being in the same room as him since he hasn’t let go of his distaste for city people yet. Despite treating you horribly, the doctor isn’t harsh with Taehyung. There are times when he loses patience with him, but never gets angry.
And speaking of Taehyung, you’re startled when you hear a thud in the bathroom. Alerted, you rush to the room, twisting the doorknob and seeing him on the ground, completely wet. You get down on your knees, placing your hands on his shoulders.
“Oh, (Y/N), you’re here.”
“Are you okay?! What were you trying to do?”
“I tried turning on the water faucet, but I couldn’t turn the handle. I think I put too much strength and slipped after it turned on.”
“You should’ve asked the doctor for help,” you brush his hair. “Geez, your bandages are wet.”
“I do ask him, but he always looks like he’s annoyed at me every time I ask. I don’t wanna bother him anymore, so I wanted to try and do it myself.”
You groan. That damn doctor, only thinking for himself. “Don’t force yourself to do things especially since you’re still recovering. You should be resting instead.”
“...I’ve always done things by myself,” Taehyung slumps his shoulders. “Whenever I asked someone, they would always get angry.”
“Says who?”
“...Says everyone.”
‘Everyone’? You don’t know anyone other than you, Sheriff Tusk, and the doctor who visits him. Margaret would ask about him from you every so often, but you aren’t sure if she comes by either. Whatever it is, it’s bothering Taehyung, so much so that he’s so gloomy.
“Hey, you can always rely on me.”
He stares at you with wide eyes, but then he looks away, defeating himself before he gets the chance to smile. “But...you aren’t here all the time.”
“Well...good point,” you contemplate. “It’s not always possible, but just call my name and I’ll come to the rescue.”
It’s unrealistic. Obviously, you’re no superhero who can pop up to save the world with a single cry of help. You don’t want to give him hope and be disappointed when you don’t fulfill it. You feel like a parent—giving shallow promises just to shove his worries away, but at the same time, you’re being genuine.
“It’s a small town. I’m sure I can hear your voice. Besides, you were in trouble and I came in time to save you,” you pat him on the shoulder. “Come on, let’s change your clothes.”
You grab him from under his arm, helping him get up. You walk with him to his bed. Once he sits down, you look through the cabinets for towels, finding a white hand cloth folded on the third shelf. You go back to him, using the cloth to massage it over his wet hair, but not too aggressive to affect his injury. Whenever you wipe too hard, Taehyung’s face would scrunch up and he would put his hand on your wrist.
“(Y/N), do you have a family?”
“Hm? What’s this all of a sudden?”
“I’m just curious about you.”
“I do. I have a mom and a dad and...that’s it.”
“...Do you live with them?”
You shake your head. “I live alone.”
“Why?”
“It’s because...my parents and I don’t get along. After Annie went missing, my parents got divorced and I lived with my mom for a while. But I couldn’t stand living with her anymore so after I graduated high school, I moved out and lived on my own.”
“What does divorce mean?”
“You don’t know what it means?”
He shakes his head. “I heard people use it, but I never really knew what it meant.”
“It’s when a married couple doesn’t want to be together anymore and decides to separate.”
“Oh…”
“What about you? Do you remember your family?”
“A little bit. I don’t remember my dad, but I do remember some things about my mom. I think my mom left my dad when I was very young, so I lived with her. But we ran away from home and moved to a new place. I don’t know how she looks, but she always took care of me. And she always had bruises, too. But I don’t remember why.”
Your ears perk up when he brings up the notion of bruises. It definitely stands out. It makes you a little worried about what sort of environment Taehyung lived in prior to losing his memories.
“She also dressed differently from you. Actually...everyone from my memories doesn’t dress like you or the doctor or the policeman.” He tries to recollect his memories, but it only frustrates him more.
“Okay, okay. Don’t give yourself a headache. Take your time to remember everything.”
You continue to dry his head until you think it’s done. But just as you were about to leave, Taehyung places his hands on your waist to stop you from leaving.
Your cheeks turn red. “Tae-Taehyung? What are you doing?”
“Thank you…(Y/N), for visiting me all the time. Even though I’m a good-for-nothing, you keep me company.”
You scoff. “No one called you a good-for-nothing. And if anyone did, just ignore them.”
Without thinking, you pat him on the head, running your fingers through his damp hair. He peeks one eye out to look at your face, but when you two make eye contact, he quickly hides back into your stomach.
“You won’t leave me? I don’t have to be alone anymore, right?”
There’s no reason for him to question you, and you know full well that that can’t be the case. After all, you’re here for work, not to make friends. However, you can’t bring yourself to break his heart. The way his voice deepened, his tone sounding so...solemn. Like he experienced trauma that he never wants to go through again.
“I promise.”
And with that vow, he raises his head up, grinning from ear to ear. His eyes become smaller from how wide his smile is.
“I really like you, (Y/N), you know that?”
Your heart nearly skips a beat, then your ears turn red. You fan your face, telling yourself not to misread what he said. “Me too. I’m glad we’re friends.”
He raises his head up, a little upset. “That’s not what I mean.”
“What?”
“I mean…never mind.”
———
“Count very slowly to twenty, okay honey?”
A younger version of Taehyung nods his head.
“Close your eyes and cover them with your hands. Don’t peek because if you do, then you’re cheating. People don’t like cheaters.”
He nods again. “Are we playing hide and seek like the kids?”
In the middle of the forest, the woman has Taehyung stand against a dead tree. The woman cups his cheek with her icy hands, brushing his curly bangs back as she looks like she’s trying to fight the urge to cry. Her lips are curled inward, and she opens her mouth to speak. But finding difficulty in letting one word out, she lets out a shaky sigh, averting her eyes from Taehyung.
He can’t keep his eyes off of the purple and green bruises on her frail arms. His mother is so thin that she doesn’t have any fat in her. She doesn't even have muscles—she’s skin and bones. Her eyes look sunken, like her eyes are shrinking. However, Taehyung didn’t think too much about her mother’s malnourishment because his body looks just like hers.
“Y-yes. You know that I love you, right?”
He nods for the third time.
“O...okay...if you love me, th-then close your eyes and don’t peek. And remember: you’re a strong bear—so strong that you can withstand the winter cold.”
He covers his eyes with his hands, counting from one. His mother waves her hand in front of him. When he doesn’t jolt from her hand, she takes this chance to flee. He keeps counting even after being the only one in the forest.
“Eight...nine...ten...elevephen...twelve...fo...four...four…? Fiveteen...si-six…” He loses count, though he thought it was strange that his mother made him count to twenty even though he can barely count to ten. “...Mom?”
———
“I came from Korea.”
In the room, the sheriff is keeping record as Taehyung continues.
“I think...my mom and I immigrated here a long, long time ago. She said that we had a better chance of living here than there.”
“By ‘long time ago,’ can you give me a specific time frame?”
“...I can’t. It was too long that I don’t know.”
While he tries to recall his past, he looks out the window and notices you with Kim. Unlike the stoic faces he made, his eyes light up, losing interest on the sheriff and onto you. Tusk glances over to you, clearly sensing the light-hearted vibe coming from Taehyung.
He walks over to the window, raising his eyebrow. “You and that girl have gotten quite close.”
“I like it when she’s here.”
“Even though she’s the reason why you’re here in the first place?”
His smile disappears. The doctor and policeman are always dragging him down with pessimism, so he doesn’t like it when they talk to him.
“She did hurt me, but she’s trying her best to make it up. What she did is wrong, but I forgive her.”
But Sheriff Tusk doesn’t seem convinced. He sighs, closing his notepad. “Well, this is definitely a step forward. It looks like I’ll let (Y/N) off the hook, and I’m confident that you didn’t harm her either that night. If there’s anything else that comes up, then update me whenever you can.”
“Okay.”
———
You glance through Taehyung’s window, only able to see the top of his head. You aren’t sure what he’s doing, but you pray that he’s resting. You’re so distracted that you weren’t watching where you were going and nearly tripped over a rock hidden in the snow.
“Be careful!”
“I’m okay…”
“What were you looking at?” Kim looks up at the direction you were staring at, then she understands. “Is it Taehyung?”
You nod.
“You two became fast friends. I would’ve never thought that it’d be possible.”
“I guess it is.”
“What do you guys even talk about? You’ll go visit and be gone for hours.”
“Anything, but he likes talking about food mainly. Though, he likes almost everything that I bring in.” You smile unconsciously.
Seeing your cheeks turn red, that’s when it hits Kim. She smirks, elbowing you on the arm. “I get it.”
“What?”
“You like him, don’t you?”
“H-huh? What? N...No! Not like that.”
Not this again. You already went through this with Margaret, and you don’t want another misconception...right? You’re actually embarrassed to hear that in contrast to how indifferent you were when Margaret brought it up.
This is the first for Kim to see you in this state. You always appeared calm and collected—making almost every decision without hesitation. Having your more vulnerable side present makes you seem more human.
“If you try to deny it in that tone, obviously I’m going to assume the other way around! You two hit it off pretty well in the beginning…I mean...You two got along great. You were even begging to see him.”
“Th...that…!”
“Why are you getting so shy? You’re a grown woman, no need to hide how you feel. You act like this is your first crush.” She laughs.
But when you don’t laugh along with her, that’s when she knew that her joke was true.
“Wait...you’ve never liked someone before?! I don’t mean to judge but...of all your years, you’ve never once dated??? Not even had a crush on someone??”
“Yea, I’ve never liked anyone before, but why are you assuming that I like Taehyung…?”
“You make it more obvious than the sky being blue. I’m not gonna lie, Taehyung is pretty handsome. Maybe if he didn’t act childish then I would’ve probably liked him too.”
“It’s not that he’s childish...More like, he’s very curious. But as I said, I don’t like him in that sort of way.”
“Mm-hmm, you can deny it all you want. It seems like Taehyung’s into you, too. Well...no doubt since you’re the only person to ever talk to him and is around his age.”
You like being around him, but you’re not sure if you like him in that sort of way. You two barely met a few weeks ago, so it’s too premature to be walking through romance territory. Despite it being a few weeks, it truly does feel like you two have known each other for a long time though.
“Well, don’t be in denial for too long. We don’t have much time here until the train comes back, and I don’t think you would want to leave with regrets.”
“I know.”
You don’t like thinking about that. It’ll dishearten him, as well as you, when the time comes. But eventually, you have to tell him that you’re going back home.
“...You said that you’d like him if he wasn’t childish...What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Why are you so curious? I meant what I said.”
“So you’re saying you have a chance with him?”
She’s confused, but it takes her a while before realizing your intentions. She elbows your ribcage, laughing. “You’re jealous!”
“I’m...I’m not! I’m just wondering…!”
Kim never realized how easy it is to read you at times. You and Kim continue your conversation until you two return to the inn. As you two walk off, Taehyung watches from his window.
———
“Who’s the lady with you?”
“Lady?”
You’re in the hospital room, peeling the skin of an apple with a knife. The snow has been getting heavier these days and it’s been like this for a while now. The sky has become cloudy, and there’s no sign of the sun anywhere.
“She was with you when you first came here, too.”
“Oh, Kim? We’re acquaintances. We barely know each other.”
“Really?”
“Yea.”
“Oh, okay. I thought you two were friends.”
“No, not really. She’s a nice woman though. Why do you ask?”
He keeps quiet, picking on his blanket as he sulks.
“I don’t have that many friends. The only other person that I talk to is my agent.”
His eyes widen.
“Hm? What’s wrong?”
“I thought you didn’t have anybody…”
You aren’t sure where he’s going with this. You set the sliced apples down on a plate, giving one to him to which he takes.
“I know a lot of people. It’s a part of my job as a journalist.”
“Are you...close with any of them?”
You’re confused with why he’s interested in your personal relationships. That’s when you get the hint, making you smile. “I’m not close with any of them.”
He sighs in relief and you laugh. Surprised by your laughter, he becomes embarrassed. “Wh-what??”
“Are you trying to make me feel bad about not having that many friends?”
He seems confused, so you realized that your initial assumption was wrong. His cheeks turn red, pouting. “That’s not it.”
You tilt your head, confused.
“I thought you didn’t have any friends or close family, so I was surprised with how close you were with that lady.”
“I know a lot of people, but it doesn’t mean that I’m close with them,” after Taehyung finishes one apple slice, you give him another. “Every relationship that I have with someone is different from the other. Like you and Kim for example. Kim is like my current work partner, and you’re…like a friend.”
It’s unusual to call somebody your friend. It was so easy for you to push others away, but Taehyung is the first person that you want to be close with. There was something about him that attracted you—like a fly buzzing toward a light.
And like an attractive light, Taehyung’s smile is just as bright. “I’m glad that I’m your friend.”
“Yea...me too.”
You thought about what Kim said, about how you feel about Taehyung. Of course, he’s a joy to be around—that bubbly yet curious personality of his is hard to dislike. It’s the sort of trait you don’t see too often in adults, especially in the big city, so it’s a breath of fresh air.
You peer over at the window, and it doesn’t seem like the weather is going to calm down. If anything, it looks like it’s going to get worse overnight. It’s so bad that you can’t even see a few feet in front of you.
“Oh no, it looks like there’s going to be a blizzard.”
The inn isn’t that far, and if anything, it won’t be an issue crossing over. But that isn’t the problem. Just the thought of going through a blizzard makes you feel...uncomfortable. Unwanted emotions return, the kind that darkens your mind.
Taehyung can sense the tension, so he thinks of something to bring you back. “Will you be okay?”
“Yea...I think so.”
But he isn’t convinced. Your face says it all, and you don’t want to go out there. He contemplates, then a light bulb turns on when an idea sparks.
“How about you stay here for the night?”
“Huh? No, I’m fine. It’s just snow, and this is a place for patients. I don’t want to take up space.”
“No one comes here and it gets a little lonely at night. If you go out tonight, you might get sick, then you’ll have to stay here for sure.”
“What are the chances that I get sick? Besides, the doctor might not—”
“I don’t mind.” The doctor shouts from the lobby.
His voice catches you by surprise. You didn’t think he could hear you two talk, so now it makes you conscious about how much he’s eavesdropped. The walls truly are thin here.
“See? Stay here tonight.” He reaches over, grabbing your hand.
His thumb strokes your knuckles and he gives you puppy eyes. You can’t say no to him when he gives you that look. You cover your mouth, hiding your burning cheeks as well.
“Okay...I’ll sleep in the room next door. Do you know if the doctor has any spare toothbrushes?”
“Yes, I do.” He shouts from the lobby again.
You sigh, wondering how much he’ll keep listening. “Thanks…”
———
You and Taehyung are brushing your teeths in the same bathroom. While you’re looking at yourself in the mirror, Taehyung is fixated on you. He’s trying to copy how you brush your teeth. Whenever you brush your right teeth, he does the same. When you move to your left, he does that as well. When you spit out the foam, he does the same.
After washing your face, you head to your room, and Taehyung follows. You look behind, stopping, and he stops as well. He’s holding a pillow and blanket, giving you the hint that he wants to sleep with you.
“What are you doing?” Even though you know, you still want to ask.
“I want to go to the same room. I don’t like sleeping alone.”
“But isn’t your room fine as it is?”
“Yea but...it doesn’t have you in there.”
You blush. “But sleeping in the same room is…”
He tilts his head, puzzled. With that innocent look on his face, you don’t want to say any further.
“Anyway, we shouldn’t sleep in the room.”
“But we stay in the same room during the day, and for a long time too. What’s wrong about sleeping in the same room?”
“It’s just…”
You know that he won’t do anything to you, but just the thought of sleeping in the same room is a bit too much. You truly are immature—being a woman in her mid-twenties and is still conscious about sleeping in a room with a man, not even the same bed.
“Is it because there’s only bed? You can sleep there and I can sleep on the couch! If you don’t like that, then I can move my bed into your room and—”
“That’s not it. We’re just going to be next door, so if you ever need anything, then just knock.”
He looks disappointed, but he doesn’t push further. “Okay…”
“Then...good night.”
“Good night.”
You walk to the room, and you look behind one more time, waving. He smiles and waves back. It’s saddening to see him look forward to sleeping in the same room as you, but you don’t want to push boundaries. You keep telling yourself that this decision is for the better.
———
The children are having a snowball fight. Just on the outskirts of the small town, the kids build fortresses out of snow, using it as a shield to avoid the offense team. They’re running around and laughing, thankful for it to be snowing so they can play.
But approaching them with small steps is Taehyung, still as a child, his hands clasped to his thin jacket. He’s shaking violently, his skin so pale and frozen cold. His hair is a mess, dirt marks smeared all over his skin. His bottom lip trembles and has turned blue, but he still smiles.
His stench can be smelled from the distance, disrupting their fun. The smell of sweat is Taehyung’s signature scent, like a foreboding sign that he’s drawing near. He’s gotten skinnier since the last time he came to Little Bare. Bags hide underneath his eyes, his round cheeks absent.
“It’s Taehyung. Run away!”
The children hide behind the fortresses, and this hurts Taehyung. However, he remains determined and keeps smiling. “Can...I play with you guys?”
But his request isn’t heard. The children are occupied with making snowballs, combining it with the rocks on the ground to create spiky snowballs. They make enough to form a pile. They start throwing them at Taehyung, and although the first few miss, some hit his body.
He raises his hands up, using his hands to block his face. He runs off, but right at the last moment, one child is able to nail a snowball perfectly at the back of his head. THACK! Only he heard the impact to his head. It was hard enough that he fell forward, his face landing first.
The children laugh. “Hurry! Run before the hungry boy eats us!!”
They skip away to their homes. He loses consciousness for a few seconds before groaning. His head pulsates, touching where it hurts but immediately pulls his hand away because of how painful it is. Underneath his breath, he calls for his mother. He calls for her many times, but no matter how many times, she doesn’t return to rescue him.
Still, he wants to believe that his mother will return. She’ll return to him to make him a warm meal under a roof. He’ll finally get to eat candy like the rest of the kids, and maybe, just maybe, the kids will let him play with them. But for now, he has to prove that he’s strong in hopes that his mother will want him back.
As he gets up, limping as his desire to conform with the kids slowly turns into disgust. The animosity grows as strong as the dizziness that blurs his vision. He limps for what felt like hours until he returns to his new home—a large, ominous cave. The mouth of the cave is dark and hollow, like it can suck anyone of any size in.
He leans on the rocky walls, scratching his arm while dragging his body deeper into the darkness. He places his hand on the wall, leaving bloody handprints and smearing them as he moves. He falters, landing face first, which worsens the damage to the head. He turns his head to the left, and there’s a mysterious marking of a grizzly bear with strange symbols around it. It’s been there ever since he found the cave.
His vision blackens as his eyelids become heavier. One tear drops from his eye, apologizing to his mother that he couldn’t be as strong as she hoped for. Within two weeks of her disappearance, he’s giving up. Fighting became a chore, and now sleeping seems like a better option.
And thus, he closes his eyes for good. And the last thing he thought of was a wish. A wish that he could’ve made at least one friend.
But before he does, the drawing of the grizzly bear on the wall begins to glow.
———-
Taehyung gasps for air, clawing at his throat. He felt pressure on his chest, and it was so clustered that he could’ve sworn that he stopped breathing. He sits up, not realizing that he had been crying in his sleep. Looking down at his pillow, there’s a large puddle of tears and on his eyes as well.
He brings his knees closer to him, covering his ears as he squeezes his eyes shut. Stop it. I don’t want them anymore, he repeats in his head. His memories are terrifying, as if every time he goes back in the past, all it ever becomes is jumping straight into a nightmare. Waking up from an unwanted dream makes this damp room seem scarier, like there’s no one to protect him.
“(Y/N)...” You’re the first person to come to mind. But when he calls for your name, you’re not there. He recalls that you’re sleeping in the room next door.
He gets out of bed, grabbing his pillow and blanket as he walks out of the room. He drags his feet to your room, knocking on the door.
“(Y/N)? Are you asleep?”
There’s no response. He looks at both ends of the hallway, paranoid that some evil ghost is going to appear in either direction. He clutches onto the pillow tighter.
“(Y/N)?”
The calm snow has turned into a blizzard again, and the gales whistle in the cracks of the windows. The wind shakes violently against the window, almost like a robber trying to break in. It scares him more, so he lowers his head, praying that you heard him.
“(Y/N)? Are you there?”
It reminds him of his childhood after his mother left. After wandering in the forest for a long time, he found a cave. While he was excited to live there, nighttime was never his favorite. The large opening left him vulnerable to wild animals to potentially attack him. And standing at the center of the hall reminds him of that, that exposure of his body to the cold world, his life taken away at any second.
“I’m scared...so please…”
The doorknob twists, startling him. He gasps, holding his breath in, but he lets it go when it was you that opened it. You’re rubbing your eyes, yawning. “Taehyung? What are you doing up so late?”
He hastily enters your room, closing the door for you. “Is it okay if I sleep here?”
You don’t make an immediate response, which scares him that you’ll decline.
“I had a nightmare.”
It might be because you’re half-asleep, but it doesn’t take that much persuasion to let him sleep. “Alright...but sleep on the couch.”
“Okay!” He takes baby steps to the couch, placing his pillow by the arm rest and lays down. “Thanks.”
“No problem. Sleep tight.” And just like that, you go to bed.
Taehyung watches you sleep, seeing as you’ve already knocked out within seconds. He tries to fall asleep as well, but no matter how many times he tosses and turns, he can’t sleep. He’s gotten comfortable being the person he is now, happy to be here and seeing you every day, not the depressed child who was abandoned by everyone.
Some time has gone by, and he still can’t sleep. He’s staring at the ceiling, listening to you breathe steadily. The nightmare he had is as vivid as ever, experiencing the phantom pain that came with the head injury.
“(Y/N)? Are you still awake?” Without a response, it tells Taehyung that you’re not.
He sits up, staring at you. He gives it a few seconds before getting out of bed. He stands over your bed before making the rash decision to sleep next to you.
He lays down, his face just mere inches away from yours. Despite being so close, he finds your face mesmerizing. He’s so close that he can feel your breathing.
Taehyung wanted to lay next to you just to see how it’s like to sleep next to someone. It’s so comforting knowing that there’s someone next to him, like the paranoia has been swept away. The longer he stares at you, the redder his face turns. Even though it’s the middle of winter, his face feels hot. He sees you every day, but he can’t understand why he’s nervous now.
He wants to move closer, but your hand is in between your and his face. Rather than move it away, he bites his bottom lip in contemplation. He’s already crossing the line, so he’s afraid that you’ll push him away if he tries too much.
He puts his hand over yours, intertwining his fingers. Your hands are smaller than he thought, his palm already engulfing it. Not only that, but your hand is so warm. Your fingers jolt, which nearly made him pull his hand away. But after that, you’re still. He sighs in relief.
Laying next to him is you, the person who’s taken care of him since the beginning. Judging on his fragmented memories, you’re the first person to ever fight to be with him. It doesn’t matter the reason, he’s just happy that someone thinks that he’s worth it. But at the same time, you’re the person who got him into this mess. You’re the one who threw that rock, just like the other kids. You made his head bleed like how they did. And yet…
He forgives you.
He gently presses his forehead against your forehead. He wished you could stay with him forever so that he can never experience abandonment again. Taehyung is afraid that you’ll end up being like his mother—crying for your name but you never coming to his rescue.
———
The blizzard has died down, and the blaring sun blinds your eyes. You flutter your eyes open, using your arm to cover them from the light. You sit up, exhaling as your vision adjusts to the morning rays.
“Good morning!” Taehyung exclaims as he opens the windows.
You had forgotten that he slept here last night. Even though it’s early in the morning, Taehyung is as energetic as usual.
“Did you sleep well?” You rub your eyes.
“Better than ever.”
You barely remember what happened last night. You know you got up to open the door, but after that, it was a blur. Taehyung also looks chirpier than usual, though you don’t know why. It could be because he got what he wanted and sleep in the same room as you. Whatever the reason, you’re glad that he’s smiling.
As you get out of bed and into the bathroom to wash up, he glances at you. His smile is gone, contemplating some thoughts in his head.
In the bathroom, you splash water in your face after brushing your teeth. You look at yourself in the mirror and massage your cheeks, feeling a little conscious about making weird faces in your sleep. You hope that you didn’t make any noises during the night either.
You walk out of the door, startled when Taehyung turns out to be just by the entrance. “Whoa! Sorry, did I almost hit you?”
But he ignores your question, folding his hands together. “(Y/N), I was just wondering...but you live in the city, right?”
“Yea, I do.”
“...When are you leaving?”
“Uhm...we’ve been here for a pretty long time now, so I think I have a few days until our train comes to pick us up.”
He looks pained just hearing that. “Then...if it’s okay with you, can I show you something before you leave? I think I finally know who I am, at least, the more important parts of myself.”
“This...came out of nowhere, but I’m glad you remember everything. What do you want to show me?”
“It’s...where I used to live. It’s not that far from here.”
You raise an eyebrow. “You live near here? Sure, I don’t mind, but are you even allowed to go out?”
“...Yea. The doctor gave me permission to leave. Is it possible to go later tonight?”
Tonight? You’re unsure about it. It’s too dangerous, especially if you two stray too far away from the town. “Can’t we go tomorrow morning? It’ll be too dark if we go later.”
“I know, but I’m afraid that if we wait in the morning, then i’m going to forget. Please! It sounds crazy...a-and stupid, but I don’t want to sit around and wait anymore. There’s...something I want to confirm with myself. My memories are jumbled up, and I feel like if I go as soon as possible, then everything will make sense. If not, then can we at least go when the sun’s setting?”
You’re still hesitant about it. But seeing the desperation in his eyes, it’s apparent that with or without you, he’s going to go on his own. The tale of the Winter Bear is real, and if Taehyung is taken by it, then it’ll be blood on your hands. If not that, then a coyote can eat him too.
It’s that feeling of responsibility coming back again. If you say no and he’s in danger, you have to live with guilt. You can’t bear to lose another person because of your selfishness.
“O...okay, I’ll go with you. But only in the condition that we go back as soon as you show me.”
“Thank you so much!”
Even though he seemed happy earlier, there’s an air of seriousness. You thought it was strange that he lives near here, and despite Little Bare being so small, no one knew he had been nearby all this time. Although he’s vague about it, it does make you curious about him.
———
“You’re going out again?” Kim crosses her arms.
While back in the inn, you’re putting on your coat. The whole day has already gone by, and you’re going to meet Taehyung just like you planned. However, Kim isn't impressed by it.
“Is he even allowed to go out? It doesn’t seem like he completely recovered.”
You shrug your shoulders. “Apparently, the doctor said that it was okay.”
However, Kim doesn’t seem to agree with your answer. She creases her eyebrows, putting her index finger to her chin as if thinking.
“What?”
“You know...you’ve been seeing him a lot lately. More than actually doing work.”
“Oh, I’m sorry for not helping. Is there anything specific you wanted me to do?”
“No...it’s okay. I already have a basis for my book. Besides, if this was to help you reconcile with your past, then it’s alright.”
“...I feel horrible, like I didn’t help at all.”
She shakes her head. “No, you did a lot more than you think.”
You crease your eyebrows, not entirely sure what she means by that. Regardless, you’re glad that you somehow helped her, though not sure with what and how.
“But...I’m really curious. What relationship do you have with Taehyung? I know you told me that you just met him, but to be frank, whenever I do see you two talk, it seems like you guys have known each other for years.”
You don’t respond. This should be an easy answer, yet, you struggle.
“Miss Suniya told me about you. Mind if we chat for a little bit before you go?”
“Sure...” You sit down on a chair, then Kim sits by the edge of the bed. “What did she say about me?”
“She told me that you have selective memory loss.”
You’re not surprised that Suniya told her about your condition.
“I’m sure there are things that you do and don’t remember about this place, which is why it probably wasn’t so hard to convince you to come with me. The reason why I never bothered you to help me with the book is because I wanted to give you the chance to regain the repressed memories naturally.”
You don’t know where she’s going with this. “...Why is it important that I remember?”
“Well, I...this...you…” she stumbles with her words. “I just want to tell you that you’re a really special person.”
“...Where is this coming from?”
“I don’t think you understand how hard it was to get into contact with you,” She steps closer. “Miss (Y/N), you’re the only person who’s ever seen the Winter Bear and survived. You’re the reason why I became intrigued with this myth in the first place, but those blockbuster people paid news outlets to get rid of articles written about you to sell this myth as a friendly story, so I hit a dead end until I read your article and knew that I found you.”
Things are beginning to click, but you don’t like where this is going. “This...isn’t only about the myth...is it?”
“Do you not realize how big this story is going to be when I write about your encounter with the bear?! People are gonna go crazy over it, then people won’t look down on me for studying mythology. So that’s why, Miss (Y/N), I want to know your relationship with that Taehyung person. My instincts tell me that there’s more to him than what meets the eye.”
“So...you’re doing all this to make money?”
“Why else are we here?” Kim crosses her arms. “Miss (Y/N), don’t pretend to be a hero when we both know that you tagged along for the money, too.”
“This doesn’t feel right...and what about Taehyung?”
The misery that you went through only to be exploited for money is one thing, but for her to use Taehyung, it’s a different story. You’re so infuriated with her that everything in your vision turns red. You thought about punching her, but you manage to control yourself.
Kim gets on her knees, right before your feet. “Who cares about what he thinks? Miss (Y/N), we are writers trying to survive, aren’t we? No matter how many people compliment our writing abilities, words aren’t going to put food on the plate.”
“Stop it…”
You have a flashback of being a kid again, but in the hospital, being checked for any injuries. You didn’t show any physical pain, your mentality however…
“No, I don’t want to…”
“I need you to go back in the past and try. It doesn’t hurt to remember Annie, right?”
The image of your mother crouching over a chair, her face buried in her hands as she cries her heart out. You two are in the police station, waiting for any updates to Annie’s disappearance when a policeman broke the devastating news that they won’t continue the search.
“Don’t you want justice for your baby sister? So you need to come out and describe how the Winter Bear looks like.”
You cover your ears, fragments of your memories that you tried so hard to bury are returning to the surface. You remember the forest, knee-deep in the snow, meeting the friend you made during your stay here. You remember intertwining your pinky finger with your friend’s finger, promising that you’ll be friends forever. A childish vow that you wished you never committed. Because you also promised that friend that you’ll introduce Annie.
“So please, remember—”
“Stop it! I should’ve never come along with you!”
You get up from the chair, marching right for the door and slamming it behind you. Now standing on the other side of the door, you lean on it, rubbing your eyes as you grunt. You don’t want to remember; it’s better if they never come back. You like the way things are. You have nothing to worry about, you want to feel like there’s nothing to worry about. For now, you just want to see Taehyung.
———
At the front of the inn, Taehyung is already there, wearing a thick jacket but is still in his patient uniform. It’s already dark out, but you can see him clearly. When he sees you, he smiles and waves. However, you seem fazed with what Kim said. He’s quick to catch on to your discomfort, so he wraps his hands around yours. It catches you by surprise, but it goes away when he beams.
“How are you?”
“Great, how about you?”
“Good! It’s a lot colder than the last time I went outside.”
You chuckle. “Yea, you’ve been locked up in that hospital.”
“The hospital isn’t that bad. Anyway, are you ready?”
“Sure. How hard is it from here?”
“Not too far,” he takes you by the hand. “Come on, it’s already getting dark.”
He drags you to the direction of his supposed home. You look back at the inn, your senses finally returning and realizing that you’re really going to Taehyung’s residence late at night. You know you can trust him, but there’s something off about this that lingers in the back of your head. Yet, you don’t want to go back either, especially after hearing Kim’s real motive. You want to stay with Taehyung because you feel safer with him. Unlike many adults you’ve encountered, he’s transparent.
———
“Taehyung...are you sure you know where you’re going?”
As you two head deeper into the forest, the lights that came from the town disappear. You hold onto his hand tighter, fear crawling up your skin. It doesn’t help that it’s night either. In contrast to you, Taehyung is undisturbed.
“Yup, it’s beginning to look familiar.”
You regret choosing to go later in the day. If anything, you feel like a complete idiot for agreeing to go this late. It might be because you’re older and know the dangers of the world, but the woods seem far scarier compared to when you were a child.
“I don’t like this…! Let’s go back.”
After saying that, you hear a branch crack and it startles you. You let out a yelp, instinctively grabbing onto Taehyung’s arm. It doesn’t frighten him, so he’s clueless about why you’re afraid.
“If you’re scared, then hold on to me.”
Now conscious about your actions, you pull away, your cheeks flush with red. However, Taehyung doesn’t give you a chance to reconsider and drags you back into his arms. He wraps around your shoulders, squeezing you closer to his chest as he gives you a cheeky smile. You avert your eyes, sulking, but he’s not wrong about you being scared. You hold onto his shirt as you two continue walking.
To distract you from your fears, he changes the topic. “What kind of house do you live in?”
“Mine? Hm...well...it’s nothing fantastic. I live in a one-bedroom apartment.”
“That’s it?”
You nod. “It’s probably a little bigger than your private room back at the clinic.”
“Really?!”
“It’s small but so expensive...How about your home? I never got to ask if you live with anyone.” Though, judging by how no one that he knew came by to pick him up, he most likely lives alone.
“I live alone...and my home...is a little different from a normal home. It is big though.”
“Oh really? That must be cool. And to have it all for yourself too.”
“It was, and I thought it was cool because of how roomy it was...but it didn’t take for me to dislike it.”
“Oh...I’m surprised nobody has ever mentioned that you lived nearby...But speaking of your home, I was wondering, how long have you been living here?”
“Ever since I was a kid.”
“Really? And you’ve never ran into the Winter Bear?”
He shakes his head. “I rarely see bears in general.”
You thought it was strange how he’s lived here since he was a child and yet, he has never been kidnapped. If he’s lived here since he was young, then he would’ve been long gone.
“...My mother always told me that I’ll grow up to be strong. She said that I’ll be so strong that I won’t need to sleep like a bear who hibernates. And I believed her.”
Your ears perk up, listening to him attentively. You recall when Margaret that bears technically don’t hibernate.
“But a part of me thinks that it was mental training to prepare for when she abandoned me.”
You raise an eyebrow.
“That’s when I found a home to live. It was hard living by myself. Kids from Little Bare made fun of me for being a dirty boy and threw rocks at me until I ran away.”
“What are you talking about…? Little Bare doesn’t have any kids…”
“I hated living alone because it was scary, and all I wanted was a friend, or anybody who was willing to keep me company.”
What he’s saying is beginning to sound suspicious. You slowly pull yourself away from him, and it doesn’t seem like he minds.
“You know...travelling through my memories...I’ve always seen snow. Little Bare is always snowing no matter what year it is.”
“Taehyung...Little Bare doesn’t snow all the time. You know that...right?”
“Yea...so I wonder how the other seasons look like. It’s been so long. I learned that snow soaks in all sounds, which is why it’s always quiet during winter. I hate the silence more than anything. I want to know how it’s like to live where it’s filled with laughter.”
Taehyung draws near to his home, which is located in the middle of the forest. Horror slowly seeps under your skin when you start noticing how...familiar this place is. It was difficult to see the resemblance because of how dark it is, but once your eyes adjust to it, it looks as clear as your memories.
“So...it’s a little disheartening to hear that you’re leaving soon, (Y/N). I was hoping you could be here longer.”
You know this place all too well. Your legs begin to tremble, mortified that you have returned to the place that you desperately tried to keep buried in your subconscious. Standing before you is a large cave, towering over you and Taehyung. It’s like a gaping mouth ready to swallow anyone that comes in.
You fall backward, your hands buried in the freezing snow. You can’t get your eyes off of the cave as you hear haunting cries of children’s souls trickling from the depths of the hellhole; one of them sounds exactly like Annie.
Taehyung sees the pure terror in your eyes, crouching over as he tries to help you up. However, when he reaches his hand out, you finally remember exactly who Taehyung is. It makes sense why it was so easy for you to get along with him and why it felt like you’ve known him for so long. Back when you were six years old, this very person is the cursed Winter Bear—the monster who took Annie away.
You swipe his hand away, so shaken that no words are expressed. Your breathing becomes unstable, panic sets in, and your mind goes all sorts of directions. You think about one thing, but your mind heads the other way. You see Taehyung’s mouth moving, but you can’t hear it, only muffles. You can only hear a static ring fly across your ears. Even in the freezing temperatures, you’re sweating bullets.
“(Y/N)...I—”
“S-STAY AWAY!” You crawl backward, swinging your hand side to side to defend yourself from him.
It’s that innocent look in his eyes again that you vividly recall. He was able to transform into a bear and a kid, but when you first met him, he was a child just like you who found you playing in the snow by yourself. He lured you in with fictional affection, promising that he’ll never let you be neglected. It was all a ruse to lock you in that cave, just like the hundreds of souls in there, including your little sister’s.
He looks hurt, but he understands. Right as your memories are coming back to you, it’s returning to him as well. The screams of his victims, the scared look on their faces as they try to escape, and his vicious obsession of chasing after them. He pulls his hand back, knowing full well the crime that he committed twenty years ago. Just one glance at you and he knew that you won’t forgive him. So when you fled, he didn’t bother to chase after you.
All you hear from behind is the aching cries of a young man.
———
Keep running.
Don’t look back.
Focus in front of you.
You run through the forest without a light source. You don’t even know if it’s the right direction back to town, but anywhere is better than there. It was just like that time when you narrowly escaped Taehyung’s grasps. He was so occupied with your sister that he lost sight of you. Just like history repeating itself, you barely escaped his grasp.
You hate yourself for falling into his trap for a second time. Like a pied piper luring children, it was like his curse never uplifted. No wonder it didn’t take a lot for you to turn down the chance to come back to the town. You never learned from your mistakes, and that’s because you kept running away. You ran away so often that you even forgot his face.
Tears blur your vision, so you use your forearm to wipe them away. Despite the revelation, the resurgence of painful reminices, you feel awful for running away from Taehyung. You can’t forget the times spent with him, sharing personal stories of yourself and vice versa, and your friendship deepening. You promised him that he can rely on you, but you already broke it. But...how do you keep a promise with the monster who not only took your sister, but also took away your childhood?
You’re so focused on wiping the tears away that you bumped into someone and fell down. You scream in terror, kicking your feet as you try to get up.
“Hey! (Y/N), calm down!”
The person tries to grab your flailing legs, but you only kick harder. “STOP IT! LET GO! HELP!”
“(Y/N), (Y/N), it’s me! It’s me, relax!!” You feel two hands cupping your cheeks so you can look at the person. “It’s me, Suniya.”
You stop panicking. But your mind feels foggy, and for a moment, you’ve forgotten where you’re at.
“We work together. You’re a journalist, and I’m your agent. You’re twenty-six years old and live in the city. You graduated from the University of Redlands, and you’re the daughter of two parents who live miles away from you. You came here with a researcher to study the town called Little Bare. I came here because I was worried since I couldn’t contact you, then Miss Kim led me here.”
Your breathing becomes steady, regaining control of your unstable mind. It all comes back to you, and now that you got the chance to process what’s happened, your body becomes weak. The only thing you want to do now is cry. You hold onto Suniya, burying your face in her arms as you wail like a child.
Suniya is in shock, never seeing you cry this much before. She knew how much the Winter Bear affected you, but not to this extent, and it breaks her heart. She hugs you back, tears streaming down from her eyes as well.
“Suniya...I...lied. I lied to him again. I ran away. I got scared...I-I couldn’t think...then I left him there...An-Annie...I heard her cry. She was crying so much…”
“It’s okay...you’re safe. Don’t cry.” She hushes you.
She rocks you back and forth as you continue to sob. Your sentences are everywhere, but to question you in this state isn’t going to help. For now, what you need is to hide in somebody else’s arms until you’re okay.
———
“I shouldn’t never fucking agreed to this!” Suniya shouts.
In the room that you stayed in, Suniya is arguing with Kim. You’re sitting in the fetal position in the halls, your back against the wall. Even though the doors are closed, you can hear Yesosang’s voice as clear as day.
It’s the next morning, and you couldn’t sleep a wink. You and Suniya stayed in another room from the inn, not letting Kim know that you returned. The moment the sun rose, Suniya went straight to Kim’s room and has been arguing with her since.
“I thought I had to worry about you because (Y/N) can be a handful but...it was her that I should’ve been more concerned about. You're an absolute scum.”
“Please, try to understand from my viewpoint. Miss (Y/N)’s story needs to be heard—”
“‘Heard’? You mean use?! You don’t give a fuck about what she went through. I should’ve known better and not leave her in the hands of a stranger.”
“You didn’t need to word it that way. I was just trying to help her. I feel like, as a scholar in pursuit of knowledge, she has every right to remember every second of her memories.”
“Oh, don’t give me that scholar bullshit!! You’re no different than those Hollywood people exploited this damn town for money, and you’re not even different from us who are trying to live each day trying to make money. (Y/N)’s repressed memory is not your textbook!”
You can’t handle all this shouting anymore. You’re upset with yourself to make Suniya come all the way here, wasting her family time just to find you. Even though she blames Kim, you feel accountable for agreeing to go on this trip. Suniya can blame your mental instability all she wants, you’re still an adult, and you still said yes.
You wonder what Taehyung’s doing right now. Hopefully, he isn’t cold.
“We’re leaving tonight. You can stay stranded here for all I care. When we get back, we’re going to make sure that every publication doesn’t want to work with you,” Suniya stomps out of the room, taking you by the hand and dragging you with her. “Let’s go, (Y/N).”
As you two walk down the halls, she can sense the immense amount of guilt you’re carrying. She knows you’re blaming yourself, so she slows down and holds both of your hands.
“It’s not your fault, so stop worrying.”
You want to stop, but the guilt won’t leave. Once again, it’s suffocating thinking about what you could’ve done to prevent this from happening.
———
Outside, a gust of wind nearly blows Suniya off of her feet. She was only able to keep still because she was holding onto you. “Holy shit, is the weather always this bad??”
“It became like this recently.”
“Ugh…if this continues, then we might not be able to leave. Sorry, (Y/N).”
“It’s fine.”
Just as you two were returning to the inn, Magaret chases after you two. “Hold up just a minute! (Y/N), can I have a word with you?”
“Who are you?”
“It’s okay, Suniya. Margaret’s been taking care of me.”
She hugs you, almost making you break your back. “Oh dear god, I’m glad you’re alright. I heard that you went off into the forest with that young man. He didn’t touch you, did he?”
You shake your head.
“Thank god. Sheriff Tusk is currently looking for him and will make sure that his ass goes to prison.”
“Wait, what?”
“You can never fully trust men. They’re deceitful and only strive for one thing, and that’s—”
“Is there something important you wanted to say to (Y/N)? We’re in a bit of a hurry to leave.” Suniya saw how disturbed you became when she mentioned Taehyung.
Margaret scoffs. “In this weather? Lady, you’re gonna die if you go today.”
“Why?”
“It’s gonna be ‘nother blizzard happenin’ tonight, and it’s crazier than it’s ever been before. You outta stay one more night.”
But Suniya doesn’t have the patience to deal with another person. “Look, I know you guys don’t have that many outsiders, but I know when locals are trying to make tourists cough out as much money as possible. We’ll be taking our leave.”
What Margaret said about Sheriff Tusk going out to look for Taehyung, so it worries you that he’ll get in trouble. But knowing how quickly Suniya wants to leave this place, she won’t want to stay.
“Wait...I think you should listen to her…”
“You too??”
“The weather here can be pretty bad. We should stay one more night.”
“...Will you be fine…?”
You nod. “I’m not a kid.”
But she seems hesitant, but seeing as the weather is getting worse, it might be for the best. Besides, you’ve been here longer than she has, so she has no choice but to abide by your request. “Okay…”
Margaret’s eyes haven’t left you, clearly showing how worried she is for you. However, she doesn’t say anything as she knows you might want to brush it off. “Yea...it might be for the better.”
———
Later that night in the inn, you’re laying in bed while Suniya is taking a shower. And just like what Margaret said, the town is going through yet another blizzard. This time, it’s heavier compared to the first one. You’re still thinking about everything that happened the night before. You don’t know how you were unable to recognize Taehyung since the beginning.
Did you really repress your memories that much that you forgot his face? The cries from the children’s souls are still imprinted in your mind. Perhaps in the back of your head, you had a hutch that it was him, but his purity made you doubt yourself. Maybe you were keen on going back to him to confirm that it isn’t him from twenty years ago that you ignored the red flags.
Despite the tragedy that he caused in your family, you can’t forget the times spent together. Exposed to the reality of the world made you disregard that there are kind people like Taehyung. He’s caring...but you keep going back to when he lured you and Annie to his cave. It’s conflicting, like two sides of him that you know are real, yet they challenge one another. On one side, he’s your antagonist, but on the other side, he’s like a savior.
There’s a knocking at the door, alerting you. You get up, wondering if you should open it, but seeing as the knocking won’t stop, you get out of bed and open it. On the other side is Kim.
“Hi, Miss—” You nearly slam the door in her face, but she put her weight on the door just in time. “P-please, just give me a minute to explain! I just want to apologize for my selfishness!! I should’ve known better than to take advantage of your trauma.”
You take a second to rethink before opening it for her. You glance at the bathroom, hearing the showerhead still going off.
“You have until Suniya finishes showering to tell me.”
“Thank you…uhm...Again, I’m sorry...I was caught up with my own goals that I lost myself for a second. But...there are a few things that I’ve been doing way before I met you…” she shows you a vanilla folder in her arms. “Here’s some information that I’ve gathered from the town’s archives. It was not an easy task to obtain, so please take good care of them.”
She passes the folder to you. When you open it, it’s filled with records that look so old that it’ll crumble at any second. Some of these papers feel like it’s decades old too.
“What’s this?”
“My research. I hope this is enough for you to forgive me...I think it’ll really help you with figuring out who Taehyung is and what this curse is.”
And just like that, Kim leaves. You close the door and set the folder down on the desk, spreading every individual paper out for you to read. Some of them are extremely old—going as far as the late 1800’s. The papers on top of the stack are about every recorded disappearance in Little Bare, even some that came after Annie’s. In total, there are a little under sixty child disappearances. As you go through each article, from most recent to oldest, you notice that at some point, the Winter Bear lore became big in the news in the 1950s when a wealthy child went missing. There was even an attempt to make a film out of it but was cancelled due to how controversial it was. To some extent, there was a children’s book in the 1940s about the bear as well.
But as you go back in time, there tends to be less coverage in the early 1900s, most likely due to new coverage of the two World Wars being more favored. A majority of its timeline has been skipped over, and now you’re in the 1880s with newspapers with titles like Exclusive!! Small Town Cursed with Black Magic or Real-Life Witch Doctor Lives!! Cave is an Accessway to Hell. The columns come with pictures of supposed real cave drawings, all are shapes resembling animals, some are birds, dogs, fish, and...bears. There are outrageous claims that the one responsible for those drawings used their blood.
However, as you skim through the articles, it explains what the purpose of those drawings are. Each one resembles the strength of each animal, bird = flight, fish = underwater breathing, etc. There are also theories that the etchings give the holder the ability to shapeshift, though it’s limited. In the third and last article, the title says, Breaking News: Immortality Exists...Or Does It?
Once you go through the papers, you make it to the last few papers. It’s been clipped together with a paperclip, and it’s a record of residences who previously lived in Little Bare. As you flip through them, some pages stick out to you. Some names in each year are highlighted with yellow, and it doesn’t take long for you to learn the pattern. Every name that Kim has colored in are Korean immigrants, and, in particular, there’s a large spike in Korean names in the 1910 records. In that exact, there’s only one name that has been highlighted and circled.
The name is Kim Taehyung.
After 1910, the Korean population here decreased significantly, to where there were no more. And the paper at the bottom of the stack is a black-and-white copy of a photograph with all the Korean immigrants that moved into Little Bare in that year. One there’s a pair that stands out to you. It’s a younger version of Taehyung smiling, and standing behind him is a woman, presumably his mother.
That’s when everything clicked for you. And in that moment, you take the picture from the folder, put on your boots and scarf, and take your thick coat before running out through the doors. You can’t wait for this blizzard to die down, and you have a feeling that it won’t if you don’t go now.
But you stop in your tracks, returning to the room, almost forgetting something. You look through the drawers to grab something small before putting it in your pocket before dashing back out.
———
The blizzard is more intense than ever before, even to the point to where you can barely see anything. Even opening your eyes wider already feels like they’ll freeze. You trek onward to the cave, praying that he’s still there. You’re fully aware at how ridiculous and idiotic this is, like you could’ve waited until it calmed down. But deep down, you know it won’t die down until you find him.
Thankfully, you made it to the cave without any problems. You pick up the pace as you enter the cave, shivering almost to death. Even with multiple layers of clothes, you’re freezing to the point where you can’t feel your feet. In front of you is the black hole that belongs to the cave. The cries of the childrens that Taehyung has taken lurks on the other side. You gulp, clenching your fists to stop them from trembling. You look over your shoulder at the blizzard. You can’t turn back now, so you have to push forward.
You turn on the flashlight on your phone and continue walking. The deeper you went, the louder the cries became. The walls start closing in, and on there are also the same animal drawings from the newspapers. The sound of water droplets complements the hollow cries. It’s getting so loud that it’s beginning to unnerve you. You want to cover your ears, but even if you do, the dreadful cries won’t leave.
But you know that the kids are trying to warn you to leave. They don’t want you to make the same mistakes they made. They’re children—pure souls who lost their young lives. They don't have any intentions to play tricks on you, so that’s why you have to keep pushing through because you have unfinished business.
“(Y/N)...” A young girl’s voice calls out from behind.
Even though you haven’t heard that voice in years, you know exactly who it is. Turning your head around, an apparition of Annie forms. There she is—in her blue-and-white striped dress and pink jacket with the brown boots. She hasn’t aged a bit, but she’s crying.
“Don’t go. Go back home where you have a warm house and people who care about you.” Annie whimpers.
Hearing her speak weighs heavily on your chest. You can’t hold back the tears, so you let it out.
She extends her hand out. “If you don’t hurry, then you’ll freeze to death here.”
Your knees almost gave in, nearly making you fall. Even though you know full well that she can’t be alive, a part of you feels relieved to see her again. It may not even be her, just a recreation that Taehyung made. She has to be his recreation because a two-year-old wouldn’t know to say this.
You approach her spirit, crouching down to her level. You wipe your eyes, exhaling while you smile. “Hi Annie, thanks for warning me. You’re just trying to look out for your older sister, aren’t you?”
She continues to cry, nodding her head.
“It’s okay, you can trust me now. Your big sister is now a grown up. I’m just going to talk to our friend.”
“But! That’s not a friend! He’s a monster who’s done bad things. It’s his fault that I died and that Mom and Dad hates you. He’s made you miserable. He’s the problem!” She cries even louder.
You tilt your head, your grin not once leaving. “I know, but sometimes people do things because they’ve been wronged, too. They won’t know that they’re doing something bad until they learn the good in the world. Our friend was just lonely because he left his homeland, then his parents left him, and no one wanted to be his friend.”
Annie finally stops crying.
“So when he finally made a friend, he wanted it to last forever. That’s why he took their souls. It didn’t help when he had more bad luck and became immortal and has supernatural powers. I just know that deep down, he’s a good person who’s been on the wrong path for a very long time. Right...Taehyung?”
You stand up, turning around after the spirit of your sister disappears. The cries from the children dissipate, and the only one left crying is Taehyung. You approach him slowly, and as you get closer, you can hear him repeatedly mumbling, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry’ under his breath.
“Am I right, Taehyung? It just got out of hand, and your fear took over you.”
“...I hate opening my eyes to this empty cave. Because I know that whenever I went to town, everyone else would have friends or families to return to when I had nobody. And I never asked to be cursed to live forever either! Why couldn’t I have died a long time ago?!”
He continues to wallow in his own misery.
“And it’s worse when I’m only awake during winter. I don’t even remember what spring, summer, or fall looks like...”
A bear who doesn’t sleep during winter isn’t strong, but a lonely animal because he’ll be the only one awake. Taehyung may be able to live for a long time, but in exchange, he has to hibernate for nine months because the curse is too strong to hold.
“I don’t want to be attached to you. I’m afraid that I’ll try to take you away, but I’m also scared that I’ll never see you again. (Y/N), you’re the only person who’s ever showed me kindness after a hundred years...and I’m afraid that I’ll never experience that again. So please...leave me when you still have the chance. You have a life out there.”
“You don’t have to stay here! You can live with me and—”
“You think I haven’t tried leaving? I’ve tried leaving so many times, but each time I try, I feel like I’m on a leash. The further I go, the more suffocating it gets. An invisible rope is around my neck, but I don’t die. You don’t understand...I’m stuck here forever.”
You don’t want to think about the many attempts he’s tried to end his life. You can’t imagine how you’ll turn out if you were stuck in his position. You’ll probably become insane like him, too. Waking up to the same snowy setting with no one to be there for you. After all, the color white can make people go insane if you see it too much.
You tighten your fists. “Then...then I’ll stay.”
“What?!”
“Let the children’s spirits free and I can stay with you.”
But he shakes his head. “No...don’t give me hope. Just go! Don’t waste yourself with me.”
“No, you listen to me. I’m willing to do it.”
“But...why?! I’ve made your life horrible, and I selfishly took your sister away. I’m the cause of all your problems! I don’t deserve anything from you.”
The pressure of the lives he’s taken away is beginning to weigh down on him, and it’s so much that he can’t handle it. It’s a complicated conflict where he took away so many loved ones from their family, including Annie, but the world was so unfair to him before he fell under this cave’s curse. He didn’t kill because he enjoyed it, but because he didn’t know how to handle his emotions and ended up releasing it in a way he never consciously meant to happen. No matter how hard you try to forget what he’s done, it’ll never leave. It’s engraved into your memory regardless of how much you’ve tried to repress it. You can’t forget but…
You scour through your pocket, showing him the watermelon-flavored candy. He’s confused, but in exchange, you beam. “This is my favorite flavor, and it’s yours too, isn’t it?”
You unwrap it, giving the candy to him. When he doesn’t accept it, you nudge it to him, then he hesitantly takes it.
“Eat it and let the bitterness go away.”
He stares at it, unsure of what your intentions are.
“Almost every kid loves candy, and it’s because of how sweet it is. It’s so sugary that it distracts them from their sorrow. But...it’s also special because of how short-lived the candy is. At some point, it’ll melt in your mouth, and then you’ll want another one, and you can’t keep eating it, otherwise your teeth will rot.”
He clenches it in his fist. “...Why are you going so far for me?”
“Because I like you.”
His eyes widen, almost as if he’s never heard of from somebody else. He thought he heard you wrong. Taehyung is so starstruck.
“I know I can never forget what you’ve done to Annie and what happened after...and honestly...I’m still conflicted. But after getting to know you, I realized that you’re a victim like anybody else. You can’t bring back the kids, but what you can do is learn from your mistakes. So...let the kids go and promise to never take another person’s life.”
You kiss him on the forehead for good luck. After pulling yourself back, but while you were caught off-guard, he leans over to give you a peck on the lips. He feels your chapped lips, which you find embarrassing, but doesn’t matter to him—only that his feelings have also been conveyed to you too.
He pulls back, too timid to look at you in the eyes. “I don’t want to disappoint you, so I vow to never take another person’s life, not even yours.”
“What…? T-Tae…”
“Like what you said, I can’t always be looking for ways to be in an infinite paradise. It’ll just leave me miserable, and I don’t want that to happen to you. What we had was special, and I’ll never forget it. So...it’s okay, you can go.”
From behind, you can hear children laughing. Small hands reach over, grabbing you by your jacket and dragging you away from him.
“Wa-wait, Taehyung! What are you doing?!”
He watches as you try to fight the children’s grasp, knowing full well that if they weren’t there to help him, then you wouldn’t leave. You have a feeling that this will be the last time you’ll see him, so you become choked up in your tears.
“No, don’t do this!”
But he doesn’t respond, afraid that if he says something, he’ll break down.
“Taehyung, I promise I’ll be back! I won’t leave you again! When you open your eyes for winter to come again, then I’ll be there to wake you up. And...even if I’m long gone, then I’ll make sure that you’ll never, ever, have to be alone,” You reach your hand out, extending your pinkie. “I promise.”
With one last look in your eyes, he saw hope. Over a hundred years later, he saw light at the end of the cave, that maybe one day, the curse that had been laid upon him will become a blessing. Maybe this time, he can see someone precious again without taking their life. Even if you don’t fulfill your side to the promise, just the facade of hope is enough to make him look forward to next winter.
Within a blink of an eye, he reaches over and wraps his pinky around yours. He’s so thankful that he’s crying uncontrollably.
“Thank you, (Y/N).”
And with one swift move, the children’s spirits pull you out of the cave, separating you from him. Before you close your eyes, you could’ve sworn that you saw Taehyung in his child form, eating the candy that you gave him.
———
You regain consciousness after feeling someone shaking your shoulders. The first person you see is Suniya, bawling like a baby. When you opened your eyes, she froze, not sure about what to do next.
“Sun...Suniya?”
“Oh, thank god!” She hugs you tightly. “I was so scared that we lost you.”
You’re still in the woods. Though, the snow is beginning to melt and the sun is blaring down on your face. You look around to find all the townspeople surrounding you, including Kim.
“Jesus Christ, you gave all of us a fright, girl.” Margaret wipes her tears with her sleeve. “Goin’ out during the middle of a brutal blizzard. Are you insane?”
You look down at your hands, and they’re not trembling anymore. “I guess I am.”
It felt like a dream. In fact, every second you spent with Taehyung felt like a dream because of how fast time flew by. What you experienced in the cave, you don’t know if it actually happened.
You turn around, seeing that the cave is hollow. It’s a lot smaller than what you last remembered. The entrance is like a black hole, but it isn’t empty. But what’s better is that you don’t hear children crying anymore. You look back at the crowd, glancing at Kim who’s crossing her arms. One look and she knew that you overcame your trauma.
Suniya helps you up, putting your arm around her neck. Though your body is fine, your muscles feel weak.
“Come on, let’s go back and get you warmed up.”
“What the hell were you doin’ here, by the way?” Margaret asks.
“There’s just something that I needed to do...and I’m not done with it yet.”
[The End]
———
EPILOGUE
“Alright, next, I’m going to teach you how to make a campfire.”
You are standing in a circle around a bunch of kids. They’re wearing thick jackets with badges on them and have dark green hats with the symbol of a brown bear over a snowflake over them. They’re hugging their arms, shivering to the old.
“Do we have to make one now?”
“It’s too cold to do anything, Miss.”
“Can’t we just learn it back at the cabin?”
You shake your head. “The whole reason to make a campfire is to build it outside. Not only is the fire meant to keep you warm, but it also helps cook food and used as a light source.”
You grab some branches from the ground, wiping the snow off of it.
“You see how wet it is? It won’t make a good fire. It’s going to be difficult, but you need to find dry wood like this.”
You compare and contrast between the two, kicking snow off of the ground until you see dirt. You place the wood, taking out two rocks and creating friction to spark them. And just like that, you’re able to create fire. The kids stand around your campfire, awing at it as the flames rise.
However...the flames go out within seconds. “Oh…”
The children laugh. “What was that?”
“That was terrible!”
“Hold on, just give me one second…” You grab the wood to make a second attempt. “I swear it worked the first time.”
“Miss (Y/N), why are we camping during winter? Doesn’t girl scout camps happen during summer?”
“Yea! All my friends go during summer. My parents kept saying that this camp saves more money...but it’s unfair.”
“Well...let me tell you something. They can teach you all the methods of surviving during the summer, but almost every tip is thrown out the window when it’s snowing. I have a friend who used to be your age and didn’t know how to survive on his own in the winter. His mother abandoned him a long time ago and no one wanted to take care of him. So he was on his own.”
This gathers the attention of all the girls, so they surround you as you continue the story.
“He was starving and cold because he didn’t know the basics of survival, like making a campfire. He didn’t know how to fish nor did he know how to build a tent.”
“I hope she went to jail for abandoning her own child.”
“Why would his mother leave him?? That’s so messed up.”
“Sometimes, it’s not because they want to, but because they can’t. We’ll never fully know why she left him, but I think she did love him.”
“What? I think she hated him.”
“Because before she left him, she told him that he’s a strong boy. Maybe she left him because she knew that he'd survive. Of course, this is by no means a good method of parenting, but she had faith in her own son that he’ll make it through the winter.”
“I don’t think she cared about him,” one of the girl scouts crosses her arms. “Couldn’t he go to the police for help? They’re always there to help him find his home!”
“Yea, but it wasn’t that simple. You see, he was considered as...different, I guess you could say. People many years ago thought completely opposite from us, so no one wanted to help him.”
“Is he still alive?”
You fall silent, and this builds anticipation for your response. They draw closer to you, unable to handle the suspense.
“He’s still alive.”
They sigh in relief.
“Do you girls want to meet him?”
“Wait, can we??”
You nod. “He’s a little shy at first, but he’s super friendly.”
“How does he look like??”
“Hmm...he’s super tall,” you raise your arms up in the air. “And he has broad shoulders. His hair is so curly that it almost looks like cotton candy. He also has a mole under his nose and the most charming smile anybody has ever seen.”
You stare at the sky with dreamy eyes, and that’s when the girls understood the subtle hints. They elbow each other, giggling and covering their mouths.
But you’re clueless. “What’s so funny?”
“Do you have a crush on him, Miss (Y/N)?”
Your cheeks turn red, and they squeal with excitement. You press your knuckles on your lips as you become more flustered.
“Keep it a secret, but he’s my boyfriend.”
They scream, stunned that their leader has someone in her heart. You shush them, worried that their voices would disrupt the town’s peace.
“Di-did you guys do things...like kissing??” One girl whispers.
You nod, and they hide their screams behind their covered mouths. Then, you rub your stomach, feeling a lump. “Pretty soon, we’re gonna be a family.”
The girls have no idea what you meant, but they’re not at the age to learn about that yet.
“He’s the most important person in the entire world to me. He sleeps a lot, so I don’t get to see him that often, so every second I have with him matters until I get too old. Because of that, he’s afraid that one day when he opens his eyes, I won’t be there anymore. So, even if I’m gone, he’ll have enough friends that he won’t ever have to feel alone anymore.”
From behind a dead tree, you can see Taehyung hiding behind it. You snicker, certainly knowing that he heard the entire conversation. He’s probably trying to fight back his tears. Every time you visit him during winter, he would sob and express about how much he doesn’t deserve you. But since he went through decades of suffering, this is the least you can do to ease it.
You raise your head, pointing your direction to him. “Taehyung, would you like to sit with us?”
He peers his head over the tree, holding the bark gently while staring at the ground. He raises his eyes, trying his hardest to hide his smile.
“...Thank you.”
[End]
A/N: Thank you for everyone who read this, especially considering how long it is lol. I wanted to get this out during winter, but it took longer than expected ha ha. I hope you guys are all safe and healthy!! Don’t be afraid to leave any comments :) Have a beautiful day. ^^
Masterlist
#bts scenarios#bangtan scenarios#bts#bts imagines#bangtan seonyeondan#bangtan#v#bts v#v x reader#bts fanfic#fanfiction#oneshot#fluff#bts fluff#long reads#angst#x reader#kim taehyung#taehyung x reader#fantasy#romance#slow burn#kpop
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Another state of roo gaming conglomopost.
I may have mentioned it offhand, but I recently moved to a place that has no internet. I’ve had to rely on my phone & mobile data for online access, and the area has like... 2 bars on 4G on a good day with the weather and stars aligned. So while I’ve been able to access mobages that aren’t too hard on the data, like Exos and Alchstars, games like GBF had to be put on the ‘log in and that’s it’ backend. I tried to do GW and that was just ... lololololol.
So I’ve been doing some console gaming! Namely Ace Attorney Chronicles and Tales of Arise. Gonna talk briefly about that! While I am avoiding spoilers and will talk in generalities, if you’re wanting to avoid any talk about those two, please be mindful of the cut!
Onward!
First off, Ace Attorney. I’ve played all the games since the franchise was first localized, so was pretty happy we got these since we missed out on their initial release for the handhelds. That said, it’s definitely the AA formula—including the good and bad. Love the wacky cast, offbeat humor, and off-the-wall wild storylines, especially since most of it is a huge lampshade to Sherlock Holmes stories (including outright mocking the “logic” of the Speckled Band), of which I’m also a huge fan of. But it still has the biggest issue I always had with the AA games: soooooo muchhhh unnecessary text that takes forever to get the point. So I have to take this game in baby steps. I think I’m only on the last case for the first game right now.
Don’t like the prosecutor. I actually just let his lines autorun while I play my mobages when he’s up on the screen. So much racism. Sooooo so much. There’s a lot of it in the game, due to setting, but my god this guy won’t shut the fuck up, and I have to deal with enough of that IRL. I also just rushed through the fourth case cause of it. Not what I want in my escapism, thanks.
Overall though, I’m enjoying it, though the “Jury System” ignites a righteous rage in me in how unfairly irrational it is and I want to shake every single person on that board.
Next up, Tales of Arise, which I’m currently devoting most of my spare attention to these days (I’ve recruited the last of the main cast right now). It’s been a while since I really enjoyed a Tales of game; Xillia 2 was my last one that I really got into; I enjoyed Zestiria to an extent but the battle system was just tedious. (Did not play Berseria since nothing about it got my attention and Crestoria was such a shitshow at launch.)
Don’t like the theme song for Arise, especially after White Light from Zesty being such a banger. Intro felt lackluster too; I know UFOtable can do better, so seeing this one was a disappointment.
Sakuraba is my absolute favorite composer for video games, but Arise’s BGMs are so, so bad. So generic and lacking any strong motifs, I really felt that he phoned it in. I can’t tell any of the songs apart, but at least they’re so generic that it’s easy to tune most of them out.
English dub is pretty good! I always try to give dubs a chance and I think they did a nice job with this! Only one that I’ve side-eyed has been Law, who is my current favorite character, so I’m a bit sad about that. Characters are decent enough; no one for me to get fannish over, but no one I’m like ‘god get them off my screen.’ They’re there, they’re inoffensive.
Battle system, once you get the ball rolling, is fairly fun and fluid, especially the Fatal Strikes or whatever they’re called in this game. Boss battles are extremely grueling at the moment—they are very tanky and spongy, so battles can last a long time. Unfortunately sometimes there’s a lot going on on the screen, with a lot of systems the game wants you to manage, so it can be easy to get one-shot by a mistake you didn’t even know what was coming. But nothing too frustrating. I feel like the game wants to encourage a lot of grinding but doesn’t actually give you a lot of places to grind at (Zesty had this problem too). Button layout is a bit weird and gave me huge Graces vibes; unfortunately you can’t change the config. But still, I’m definitely enjoying it better than Zesty’s, but it isn’t as fun as Vesperia’s or Xillia 2′s.
Story wise... oh man. I know Tales of can be a trope-y series, but this one just plays everything straight. Everything I predicted just from being exposed to it for a few minutes, has come out exactly as I thought. No subversions or aversions here LOL, no shocking revelations. It’s also not a very compelling plot? It’s just a plot. Maybe it’ll get better now that I got all my party members and we can focus on fleshing out the story more.
The story is also fairly serious and there aren’t a lot of light-hearted moments, even in skits. I really do miss this aspect since it’s one of the reasons I like Tales of games—the humorous parts really help connect me to characters more, as it makes them feel more rounded and human, than just SERIOUS! ANGST! all the damn time. I can play a Final Fantasy game if I wanted that.
Speaking of skits, the presentation style is weird. Like, it’s hard to explain without someone visually watching it, but I really don’t understand why they went this route of faux comic book/storyboard scenes. I guess to save money on modelling actions but at this point, just do talking heads? I dunno. I got used to it, but it’s still really jarring when they come up.
Anyhoo, it’s still a decent enough game, though I’m still waiting for something to really ‘wow’ me.
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WORDS FOR WRITERS: The Value of Fanfiction
There’s been a lot of chatter on social media these last few weeks, recycling that trashy, self-aggrandizing, tired old “hot take” that reading and writing fanfiction is somehow bad for you as a writer.
Before we go any further, let me give a clear and definitive answer to this take:
No, reading and writing fanfiction will not make you and does not make you a bad reader or writer.
Period.
Why? Here’s the TL;DR version:
1) Reading and Writing, any kind of reading and writing, will make you a better reader and writer. And it’s enjoyable, to boot.
2) Fanfiction has been around as long as Original Fiction, so we’d know if there was any negative impact by now (spoiler alert: there isn’t.)
3) Practice is Practice, so matter what medium you get that practice in.
4) Comprehending and writing fanfiction is harder than writing original fiction because you have to hold the Source Media Text in your head at the same time as you’re reading/writing a different story. It improves your understanding of storytelling.
5) No hobby, no matter what it is, so long as it doesn’t harm anyone else or yourself, is bad. And that goes double for if you decide to keep it a hobby. Not every fanfic writer wants to write original fiction, and that’s just fine. Not every hobby has to be monetized.
Okay. But what do they mean by “fanfiction”?
“Fanfiction is fictional writing written by fans, commonly of an existing work of fiction. The author uses copyrighted characters, settings, or other intellectual properties from the original creator as a basis for their writing.”-- Wikipedia
Basically – it’s when you take elements (setting, characters, major themes or ideas) of a Media Text (a novel, a movie, a podcast, a comic, etc.) and create a different story with those elements. You can write a missing scene, or an extended episode, or a whole new adventure for the characters of the Media Text. You can even crossover or fuse multiple Media Texts, or specific elements, to create a whole new understanding of the characters or their worlds.
Similar to fanfic, you can also create fanart, fancomics, or fansongs (“filk”), fancostumes (“cosplay”), and fanfilms. These are called Fanworks or Fancrafts.
Fanfiction is usually posted to online forums, journals, blogs, or story archives and shared for free among the public. Before the advent of the internet, fanfiction was often printed or typed, and hand-copied using photocopiers or ditto machines, and distributed for free (or for a small administration fee to cover materials) among fans at conventions, or through mail-order booklets (“zines”).
Fanfiction has existed pretty much since the beginning of storytelling (A Thousand and One Nights, Robin Hood, and King Arthur all have different elements attributed to them by different authors retelling, twisting, adding to, or changing the stories; there’s no single-origin author of those tales.)
There are billions on billions of fanfics out there in the world—and while a majority of them are romance stories, there are also adventures, comedies, dramas, thrillers, stories based on case files, stories about the emotional connection between characters when one is hurt and the other must care for them, historical retellings, etc. There are also stories for every age range and taste, though be sure to take heed of the tags, trigger warnings, and age range warnings as your browse the archives and digital libraries.
As a reader, it’s your responsibility to curate your experience online.
So why are people so afraid or derisive of fanfic?
People who are hard on fanfic say that…
· It sucks.
o Well of course it sucks! As it’s a low-stakes and easy way to try out creative writing for the first time, the majority of fanfiction is overwhelmingly written by new and young writers. Everything you do when you first try it sucks a little bit.
I’m sure no figure skater was able to immediately land perfect triple axels ten minutes after they strap on the skates for the first time in their lives. No knitter has ever made a flawlessly perfect jumper on their first try. No mathematician has ever broken the code to send a rocket into space after having just been taught elementary-school multiplication. So why on earth do people think that new writers don’t need to practice? I can promise you that Lin-Manuel Miranda’s first rap was probably pretty shaky.
· It’s lazy or it’s cheating.
o Listen, anyone who tells you that writing anything is lazy clearly has not sat down and tried to write anything. Writing is tedious. It is boring. It takes hours, and hours, and hours to get anything on the page, and then once it’s on the page you have to go back and edit it. UGH. There is nothing about being a writer—even a fanfic writer—that is lazy.
o And anyone who tells you that trying to tell a fresh, new story within the limits and confines of a pre-existing world and have it make sense is cheating, then they have no freaking clue how hard it is to be creative with that kind of limitation placed on you. It’s harder when you have a set of rules you need to follow. What you do come up with is often extremely interesting and creative because of those limitations, not in spite of them.
o The argument that using pre-made characters, settings, tropes, and worlds to make up a new story is cheating is also complete bunk. Do those same people also expect hockey players to whittle and plane themselves a whole new hockey stick from scratch before each game? No, of course not. And yeah, a baker can grow all their own wheat, grind the flour, raise the chickens and cows so they can get eggs and milk, distill the vanilla, etc. Or a baker can buy a box mix. Either way, you get a cake at the end of the process. Whether you write fanfic or original fiction, you still get a story at the end of the process.
· It makes you a worse writer.
o * annoying buzzer noise * Practicing anything does not make you worse at it. And reading stories that are not edited, expertly crafted, or “high art” will also not indoctrinate you into being a bad writer. If anything, figuring out why you don’t like a specific story, trope, or writing style is actually a great way to learn what kind of writer you want to be, and to learn different methods of constructing sentences, creating images, and telling tales. Or you know, just how much spelling and grammar matter.
· It’s not highbrow or thoughtful enough.
o Sometimes stories are allowed to be just comfort food. Not every book or story you read has to be haute cuisine or boringly nutritious. You are allowed to read stories because they’re exciting, or swoony, or funny, or just because you like them. Anyone who says differently is a snob and worth ignoring. (Besides, fun silly stories can also be packed with meaning and lessons—I mean, hello, Terry Pratchett, anyone?)
· It makes you waste all your time on writing that can’t be monetized.
o No time is wasted if you spend it doing something that brings you joy. Not every hobby needs to be a money-maker and not everyone wants to be a professional writer. You are allowed to write, and read, fanfic just for the fun of it.
· It’s theft.
o According to Fair Use Law, it’s not. As long as the fanfic writer (or artist, cosplayer, etc.) is not making money on their creation that directly impacts or cuts into the original creator’s profit, or is not repackaging/plagiarizing the original Media Text and profiting off it’s resale, then Fan Works are completely legal. So there.
How, exactly, does fanfic make you a better writer?
Fanfiction…
· teaches you to finish what you start.
o The joy of being able to share your fic, either as you’re writing it, or afterward, is a big motivating factor for a lot of people. They finish because they get immediate feedback on it from their readers and followers. Lots of people have ideas for books, but how many of them do you know have actually sat down and written the whole thing?
o Fanfic is also low-stakes; there’s nothing riding on whether you finish something or not, so you have to inspire yourself to get there without the outside (potentially negative) motivation of deadline or a failing grade if you don’t get the story finished. You end up learning how to motivate yourself.
o Fanfic has no rules, so you write as much or as little as you want, stop wherever you think is a good place to end the story, write it out of order, or go back and write as many sequels or prequels as you like. Again, it’s totally low-stakes and is meant to be for fun, so you can noodle around with what it means to write a “whole” story and “complete” it, which teaches you how you like to write, and how you like to find your way to the finish line.
· teaches you story structure.
o Before you can sit down and write a story based on one of your favorite Media Texts, you’re likely to spend a lot of time consuming that text passively, or studying it actively. Either way, you’re absorbing how and why Media Text structures the stories it tells, and are learning how to structure your own from that.
o Once you’re comfortable with the story structure the Media Text you’re working in is told, you’ll probably start experimenting with different ways stories can be told, and find the versions you like to work with best.
· teaches you how to write characters consistently.
o Fanfic is really hard because not only do you have to write your fave characters in a way that moves the story along, but they have to be recognizable as those fave characters.
o This means you have to figure out their body language, verbal and physical tics, their motivations and they way the handle a crisis (fight, flight, or fawn?), and then make up the details you may need for your story that you may never see on screen/the page, like how they take their eggs or what their fave shampoo is, based on what you already know about them. That takes some top-notch detective work and character understanding to pull off.
o Once you know how to do that, just making up a whole person yourself for original fiction is a breeze.
· Teaches you how to hear and mimic a character/narrator voice.
o You have to pay close attention to how an actor speaks, or how a character’s speech patterns, dialect, work choice, etc. is reflected on the page in order to be consistent in your story.
o And all of this, in turn, teaches you how to build one for yourself.
o I have a whole series of articles here about building a narrative voice, if you want to read more on constructing an original voice for your narrator.
· Teaches you how to create or recreate a setting.
o Again, like achieving character consistency, or mimicking a character or narrative voice, it takes work and paying attention in order to re-create a setting, time period, or geographical region in a fanfic—and if you’re taking your characters somewhere new, your readers will expect that setting to be equally rich as the one the Media Text is based in.
o Which, again, teaches you how to then go and build an original one for yourself.
· teaches how to take critique.
o Professional writing is not a solitary pursuit. In fact, most writing is not entirely the work of an author alone. Like professional authors work with editors, critique partners, and proofreaders, some fanfiction writers will sometimes work with beta-readers or editors as well. This are friends or fanfic colleagues who offer to read your fanfic and point out plot, character, consistency, or story structure errors, or who offer to correct spelling and grammar errors. This is a great way to practice working with editors if you decide to pursue a professional career, and also a great way to make friends and strengthen your community and skill set if you don’t.
o Many fanfic sites offer readers the opportunity to leave a comment on a fic, rather like a reviewer can leave a review on GoodReads or Amazon, or any other online store or blog, for a novel they’ve read. Sometimes these comments/reviews are 5 star and enthusiastic! Sometimes they are… not. The exact opposite in fact. As you get comments on your fanfic, and learn to ignore the ones that are just mean rather than usefully critical, you gain the Very Important Skill of learning to resist firing back at bad comments or reviews, while enjoying the good ones. It also teaches you how to ignore drama or haters.
· Teaches you how to exist within a like-minded community.
o While the actual writing part of writing is solitary and sometimes tedious, nothing is ever published into a vacuum, whether it be fanfiction or original. Besides your editing/critique/beta reader group, you will also likely develop friendships, a support network, and mutuals. It’s always great to uplift, support, cheer on, and celebrate one another’s accomplishments and victories, whether the writing is fanfic or original.
· Teaches you that it’s okay to write about things important to you, or your own identity.
o You can change a characters ethnicity, cultural background, sexuality, religion, or disabilities to match yours, and talk about your lived life through the megaphone of that character. Or, you can insert original characters based on you, your desires, and experiences.
o Once you’re comfortable writing in your #ownvoice in fanfic, you can approach it in original fiction, if you like.
o See my article titled Your Voice Is Valid for more on this.
What if I want to be a professional writer?
Notice how I didn’t say “real writer”. Any writer who writes any kind of story is a ‘real’ writer. I mean, pinch yourself—you’re real, right? The difference is actually between being an “amateur” writer (a hobbyist who does not write for pay), and a “professional” (who is paid for their writing). Just because you only play shinny on the street with your friends, or in a house league on the weekends, it’s doesn’t mean you’re not still as much of a hockey player as someone who plays in the NHL.
Writing fanfiction before or at the same time as writing original fiction that you intend to sell is a great way to learn, or practice, everything I’ve mentioned above. If you read it widely, it will also expose you to different story telling styles, voices, and tropes than your reading of published fiction.
· Can I sell my fanfic?
o No. For fanfiction to remain under the umbrella of Fair Use Law, you cannot profit off your fanfiction. There’s some grey-area wiggle room around things like charging a small amount for a ‘zine or a PDF to cover administrative costs, but zero wiggleability around, say, selfpublishing your fanfic and charging heaps for it.
· Can I “file off the serial numbers”?
o “Filing of the series numbers” is when you take a fanfic you’ve written and essentially pull it apart, remove everything that’s clearly someone else’s Media Text, and reassembling the story so that it’s pretty much a completely original piece of creative writing.
o Yes, you can sell these, provided your filing is rigorous enough that you aren’t likely to be dinged for plagiarism. It’s widely known that Cassandra Claire’s Shadowhunters was once Harry Potter fanfic, and that Fifty Shades of Gray was once Twilight fanfic. But did you know that my Triptych started life as an idea for a Stargate Atlantis fic? There’s lots of stories out there that were once full fics, or the idea for the novel was originally conceived for a fandom, but written as original instead.
o So long as you’re careful to really rework the text so that it’s not just a find-name-replace-name rewrite, you should be fine.
o Be aware, though, that the agents and editors you might pitch this novel to know how to Google. They may discover that this is a filed-off story, and depending on their backgrounds and biases, might be concerned about it. There’s no need to inform them of the novel’s origin straight off in your pitch/query letter, but you may want to have a frank discussion with them about it after it’s been signed so they can help you make sure that any lingering copywrited concepts or characters are thoroughly changed before publication.
o Should you take down the original fic-version of the novel while you’re querying/shopping it? Well, that’s up to you, and whether you’re comfortable with an editor/agent potentially finding it.
· Should I be ashamed of my fic, or take it down, or pretend I never wrote fic?
o What? Why? No! I mean, I have hidden some of my most immature work, but I’ve left pretty much my whole catalogue of fanfic online and I don’t deny that I was/am a ficcer. Why? Because it’s a great repository of free stories that people can read before they buy one of my books, so they can get a taste of how and what I write. Also, you will be in good company. Lots and lots of writers who are published now-a-days started in fandom, including:
Steven Moffat
Seanan McGuire
Rainbow Rowell
Claudia Gray
Cory Doctorow
Marissa Meyer
Meg Cabot.
Naomi Novik
Neil Gaiman
Lev Grossman
S.E. Hinton
John Scalzi
The Bronte Sisters
Andy Weir
Sarah Rees Brennan
Marjorie M. Liu
Anna Todd
...and me, J.M. Frey
How fanfic can harm.
Like with anything else, there are ways that reading and writing fanfiction can actually harm you, or others, but it has nothing to do with the reading or writing of fanfiction in and of itself.
· Some creators may prefer that you don’t (and may or may not follow up with legal action).
o Anne Rice famously went after fanficcers in the 90s who wrote fanfic of her work, handing out Cease & Desist notices like confetti.
o 99% of creators don’t care. Those who do will generally have a notice on their websites or social media politely asking fancreators to refrain. Mostly this is due to their general discomfort over the idea of anyone else getting to play in their worlds. The best thing to do is respect that request, and find a different fandom to write in.
· Flamewars and fandom fights leading to bullying and doxing.
o Regrettably, just like any other community filled with people who have different favorites, opinions, and preferences, there will inevitably be clashes. It’s up to you to decide how to react to negative interactions, and how to model positive ones.
o Don’t forget, you curate your online experience, so don’t be afraid of that block button.
o Also, don’t be the jerk who goes after people for liking different aspects of the fandom. Everyone is entitled to interact and like a Media Text their own way. “Don’t yuck my yum,” as they say.
· Trying to make money on other people’s IP/Media Text (law suits, etc.)
o It doesn’t belong to you, so don’t try to make money on it.
o There’s a grey area here in terms of selling prints/plushies/jewelry/etc. and there’s no hard line about where one copyright owner will draw the line, and another won’t. Warner Bros. owns the film rights for both Harry Potter and Hunger Games, but I’ve seen Harry Potter-themed bars spring up while fans wanting to make Hunger Game fanfilms have been shut down. A friend of mine sells hand-made fandom-inspired items at cons—there is no rhyme or reason to what she gets told to stop making and what she’s left alone on.
o Best thing to do if you’re told to stop is just so stop, move on, and find a different fandom to be active in.
· Writing Real Person Fanfic (“RPF”) can be considered a violation of consent.
o This article sums it up pretty well, but basically… if you decide to write RPF, be aware that they person you are writing about is a real person, with real thoughts, and emotions, and they may feel violated by RPF. If you decide to write it, never send it to the people it’s about, and always clearly tag it so other can choose to engage with it, or avoid it.
o Also be aware that it could ruin their love for what they do. For example: the friendships between the members of 1Direciton became strained and the band eventually disintegrated because people wouldn’t stop sending band members smutty stories or art of them having sex with one another, and it made them too uncomfortable to continue in the band.
· Showing/sharing fanfic & fanart outside of its intended context. Fanworks are for fans, and there are definitely issues if…
o It’s shown to celebrities/actors/creators.
Shoving your fantasies onto the people who create or portray your fave characters is rude, and wrong, and also kinda gross. If they seek it out themselves, that’s one thing, but the same way you wouldn’t throw it at a complete stranger, don’t throw it at them. You may love the characters these people play, but they are not their characters, and they are not your friends.
It may also really weird them out and ruin their love for what they do.
o it’s shown to writers working on the series.
There was a famous case where a fanficcer sent a story to a novelist, and the novelist was accused of plagiarism by the ficcer when their next novel in the series resembled the plot of that fanfic. There was a whole court case and everything.
Because of this, writers of TV shows, books, etc. don’t want to (and often times, legally can’t) read your fanfic. They don’t want to get accidentally inspired by what you’ve written, or worse, have to throw out something because it resembles your fic too closely. Just let them write their stories the way they want, and if they choose to seek out fic, they will.
o it’s mocked by celebrities.
I’m not letting Alan Carr and Graham Norton off the hook. If it’s super rude and gross to shove fanworks at actors/writers/creators when you’re a creator, then it’s doubly rude for anyone to take a story or art made for a specific audience (the fans), by a specific community (the fans), lift it out of it’s context, and invite the public to mock it while also shoving it at the actor/celebrity in a place where they are literally cornered and can’t leave (i.e. the chat-show sofa). Man, it really steams me up when they do that. It’s rude and it’s tone-deaf, and it’s not fair.
And most of the time they do it, they don’t even ask the artist or writer for permission, first, which is just…. Uuuuugggghhhh. It may be fanfic, but it was still created by someone, and you should always ask permission before publicly sharing something created by someone else.
Grrrrrrr.
In Conclusion
If someone tells you that reading or writing fanfic is bad for you as a creator, tell them to get bent.
Famous Fanfic
· Hamilton by Lin-Manuel Miranda
· Wicked by Gregory Maguire
· Wicked: the Musical by Stephen Schwartz
· The Phantom of Manhattan by Fredrick Forsyth
· A Study in Emerald by Neil Gaiman
· Sherlock by Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat
· The Dracula Tape, by Fred Saberhaugen
· Paradise Lost, John Milton
· Inferno, by Dante
· The Aeneid, by Virgil
· Ulysses, by James Joyce
· Romeo & Juliet, by William Shakespeare
· The Once and Future King by T.H. White
· A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, by Mark Twain
· The Three Musketeers, by Alexandre Dumas
· Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, by Seth Grahame-Smith
· Phantom, a novel of his life by Susan Kaye
· …and so many more.
#words for writers#fanfiction#fan fiction#fan fiction is good for you#writing#am writing#writing community#writing fanfiction#writing fanfic
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ao3 homestuck literature roundup
ok so honestly some of the most impactful pieces of literature I’ve ever consumed... have been fanworks for the web comic Homestuck. while fanfiction in general has the potential for greatness, and there are definitely some non-homestuck works out there i that i’ve enjoyed, Homestuck has a unique potential for spawning creative, original and daring stuff! and there are so many new fans who didn’t even experience the first wave of ao3 webcontent. sadly the site has not proved archival quality when it comes to preserving content, and many fics I’m linking feature broken links/images or have been orphaned by their authors. I’m posting only what I consider to be Good Literature. these are pieces of writing that have struck me, haunted me, and made me cry. Thank you to the writers, and please enjoy! the full rec list is under the cut >:)
old but gold
The Serendipity Gospels by urbanAnchorite (tzm) M
What is there to be said about The Serendipity Gospels? this illustrated fanfiction epic is a true classic. The use of Homestuck language and troll terminology on this fic is exploited to its utmost poetic potential, and every sentence is lyrical. While the story itself is original (and extremely well plotted!), events from the plot of Homestuck are echoed throughout, and it makes for a really satisfying read. This fic was published before Gamrezi was something that happened in the webcomic and gamzee had his downfall, if you’re hesitant to read it on account of the Gamzee<3<Terezi tag. Both of them are extremely well characterized. man... serendipity gospels gamzee is the best gamzee you can find on the market. definitely better than canon gamzee. And the pairing really works. The sad part is that this thing was supposed to be in three acts, and only two have been published. Since 2013... this shit sucks. i want act 3 so bad i’d commit heinous acts to receive it >:0
Cities in Dust (shit let's be hardboiled) by Cephied_Variable T
I’m not finished reading this yet but by now the ao3 handle Cephied_Variable has become a household name. This fic is... heterosexual. and where there were once illustrations, now there are empty white boxes. But the noir setting is played juuuust right, the soundtrack goes hard and it’s really fun to play the music in the next tab while you read, the writing is amazing (obviously) and... not to spoil anything, but it isn’t as much of an AU as it seems. really wish i could see the illustrations, bc the story is told through chatlogs like the source material.
Rule #2 by universe_c E (you can skip the sex scenes tho)
A super imaginative take on what Earth C might have been like. this fic was published while the comic was still updating, so earth c was a very distant possibility in the minds of fans, and in this work, all the players (every single troll, dancestor, human and cherub) are dropped on an uninhabited planet as an entirely new species with varying levels of godpowers, and they have to build civilization from scratch. It’s such an ambitious idea, and it was pulled of brilliantly! the author has more fanfiction online in that takes place in this universe, as well as selections featuring pairings such as Caliborn/Kurloz, an unexpected delight, and GamTav, a charming holdover from simpler times. This story in particular however focuses on Caliborn right after he passes through the gate. He doesn’t have a very easy time adjusting, poor guy. The narrative follows him as he rage-flees from his emotions to nonlinear points on the timeline of Universe C. Along the way he meets the family who he will someday love, learns about the civilization that will develop on their planet, gets laid, and matures a whole lot as a person. This fic is just.. really amazing. Read it!!!
Lost Teeth Like White Jewels by roachpatrol, urbanAnchorite (tzm)
Ok, so roachpatrol used to be a really big name in Homestuck fanfiction, but her stuff has... not aged well, and generally she is regarded (or at least she is regarded by me) as a pedophilic porn peddler, and she’s written a lot of nasty, scandalous smut. but you don’t have to read that stuff! This fic and this fic ONLY (don’t even read the other ones in the series, bro) is just a really nice soap opera. Bodices are ripped, eyes are gazed into in close proximity to an ocean. And the hemospectrum has been inverted. All in all, if you want something dramatic and romantic to read on a rainy day, this fic is where it’s at.
signalbeam is an author that wrote a lot of lesbian fanfiction in 2012. I haven’t personally read all their stuff but it’s all f/f and it’s fun to browse :~)
****DIRKJAKE CORNER******
a thousand years by venusianEye (orphan_account) T
Everything’s set for the surviving players to pass through the gate and claim their Reward... the only problem is, dirk has lost the will to live and is in some kind of mystical coma. Jake is the only person who can save him, by venturing into his mind-palace and solving puzzles that serve as metaphors for everything Dirk can’t express. It’s kind of like inception wrt to the dream mechanics, but the author uses folk tales as settings, and it’s all very poetic, and very well done. this author deleted her account. i watched all the drama. however all her work is still online on the orphan_account. she wrote this series (people who like dirkjake and artistic pornography, give it a read!) and also a medievalstuck au i remember reading and loving, but cannot for the life of me seem to find :( it was about eridan and kanaya and it was good. rest in peace, venusianEye!
A Spark, A Flame, A Fire by callmearcturus E (one skippable sex scene)
The best kingdomstuck ever!!! \(^o^)/ ugh this fic is everything... the author has another kingdomstuck dirkjake multichapter novella online that is also very good, but this one’s my absolute fave :,] the strilonde fam is so cute, and dirk&jake’s blossoming romance (oh, yeah, you BET it’s an arranged marriage AU!) is so romantic it literally makes me clutch my chest and sigh. also the writing and worldbuilding are just IMPECCABLE. another lovely romance for a cozy night.
***JOHNKAT CORNER****
remember johnkat? well,. it’s good.
General Vantas Gets Hitched, or, The Limits Of Bilateral Diplomacy: A Black Powder Romance by JumpingJackFlash M
another arranged marriage fic! seriously, when it’s done right, there can be nothing better. John is the king of Skaia and Karkat is a political insult disguised as a peace offering. No better way to ruin your chances at diplomacy than offer an arranged political marriage between the literal king and a mutant military grunt who isn’t even the right gender. But... what if the king accepts??? omg guys they fall in love... and everyone’s a badass. another notable johnkat offering from his author would b Hurricane , wherein everyone’s punks and dave and tavros are gay rappers. there’s also Space Bro and California Dreaming , which feature karkat/sollux and eridan/equius respectively, and are humanstuck au with vague game memories and are both very sweet and romantic <3
The Only Recipe For Lasagna You'll Ever Need by urbanAnchorite (t_ZM) G
Oh man.. this one’s just really cute.
No Quiet Sleeper by cest_what T
The premise of this fic is a stable little timeloop, so homestuck i could cry, and what occurs therein is extremely adorable :3c
modern fanfiction (post epilogues)
Pilot Light, Pale Rapture by purplebard G
Excellent post-epilogues Jade fic! The writing is beautiful, it’s a really genuine and melancholy work. A masterpiece in JadeDavepeta. I also give a blanket recommendation for all of this author’s fanfic -- it’s deeply original and flawlessly written, every piece!
House of Dirk by IMAC T
If you haven’t read House of Dirk... seriously, read House of Dirk. It’s a modern classic. A dadaist, genre-reconstructive, trope-subverting and absolutely hilarious MASTERPIECE!!! and the characterizations are pitch-perfect. this fanfiction can be cited as the spark which ignited the roaring inferno of Dirk/Caliborn shippers who can now be found online ^__^
mare in ossibus nostris dormit (in our bones sleeps the sea) by liobi
Just some really awesome scourge sisters :,) i love a nice romp through troll mother planet, and this is a flawlessly executed no-game AU.
JADE ROUTE by spicyyeti/muthahomestuckah T
Not technically a fanfiction, because this is 100% a comic, but if you want to read about Homestuck characters in a way that is engaging, innovative, touching and hilarious, you gotta read Jade Route! It’s the best thing that happened to jade since squiddles! the art is REALLY GOOD the characterization is REALLY GOOD god.. i love jade route.
BONES OF BLACK MARROW by oxfordRoulette E
an innovation in dirkjake pornography. this fic will make your head split open, and most of it is pornography of an exceptionally raunchy color. Basically, Dirk summons a demon (Jake) for stupid reasons and it fucks both of their lives up. Incredible work with formatting by the author, seriously who can even code like that, and i love the magical mechanics :) it’s very well researched and it really tears both Dirk and Jake to pieces psychologically. through porn.
Timaeus, Testified by sendificating NR
another fic that uses experimental formatting. It’s all about Dirk and it’s REALLY SO AMAZING.... a detailed and inventive psychological opus.
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Also.... i write fanfiction. sometimes. can’t vouch for the quality but i would be remiss as an author if i didn’t plug . well, that’s all for tonight, folks! hope u find something to read!
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Kawahara and Trauma: by me, who has PTSD
So, the SAO fandom (and related Accel World and very small Isolator fandoms) has a pretty mixed bag of fans, but I’ve noticed I’m not alone in reading and watching it for its take on PTSD. These three stories all have exciting, fun elements and stories that can be loved by a large number of people, so it isn’t like trauma is their only selling point. So, AJ- why the big deal about PTSD in Kawahara’s writing?
(Spoilers for Sword Art Online, Accel World, and The Isolator peppered throughout the post. TW for various mentions of traumatic events.)
Firstly, why is this an important topic?
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that stems from experiencing something terrifying. That terrifying thing can be what people tend to think of when they think of the term PTSD (i.e., being in a war zone) but it can also be something that many people don’t typically find terrifying (i.e., death of a family member from illness).
Representation in media is important for many people, so accurately portraying or portraying certain aspects of people’s lives is important to those people. For me, seeing PTSD handled the way it is in Kawahara’s works is very special to me, who both has PTSD and has loved ones with PTSD.
So, what’s so special about Kawahara’s takes?
Kawahara handles it in a very varied way. Not all of his characters have equivalent trauma, nor do they all respond to trauma the same way. Their PTSD manifests in different ways and stems from different things. Let’s break this down by series.
Sword Art Online
Kirito, whose perspective is the most intimate in the series because the writing usually focuses on his first person perspective but others’ third person perspective, has the most detailed image of PTSD. He’s been shown to have nightmares in the Phantom Bullet arc, noticeably gets very angry and switches into a fight or flight mode when triggered, and has even panicked when he thought he killed someone.
We’ve seen him shaking after running into Death Gun and connecting him to Laughing Coffin. When he fights Fanatio with Eugeo in the novel, Eugeo notices he turns uncharacteristically panicky as he realized he might have killed her. And in the Fairy Dance arc, when cornered on the bridge underground with Leafa, his switch flips because he refuses to die and doesn’t yet get that he can’t physically die in a game.
But we also have Sinon- who reacts a bit differently to trauma. Recall that seeing guns make her physically sick in a way that Kirito never deals with. She throws up, has to hide the image of the gun before she feels worse. Her fingers freeze on the trigger of even a virtual gun when it gets pretty bad. That freezing up, nauseated reaction is in stark contrast to Kirito’s more lively outbursts.
They aren’t the only characters dealing with trauma, though. Asuna is mentioned in the first arc to have nightmares that keep her awake, and she plows through her trauma ignoring it to the point of violent insanity. She pushes her issues down and very rarely do we, the audience, see them come out. She’s shown to have a flashback to her near-death in SAO in Ordinal Scale, and when she begins to lose her memories, we see her have another unsettling dream. But she deals with her frustration and trauma quietly, away from Kirito, which he respects and chooses to give her distance because she needs it.
Klein, even, who usually doesn’t get much attention, is shown to have a panic attack in Ordinal Scale when Eiji fights him. We don’t get much of a view on how Klein deals with it, but we do know that his panic triggered quite a bit of screaming from the one scene we did get.
Lisbeth is revealed to deal with trauma shortly in Alicization, when she addresses fellow gamers in ALO. She mentions the nightmares (a key depiction of PTSD in SAO) and the therapy she and the other students have to go through. She’s a very “push it to the back of your mind and make a quip” sort of character, too. Like Asuna, she focuses on something else, but for her, she’s doing her best to get others to laugh with her.
There’s also more negative portrayals, such as Laughing Coffin/Death Gun members who succumb to violence and delusions. They refuse to cope with their trauma and turn to violent outlets. We also see Eugeo, whose trauma numbly drives him forwards, and can lead him to unpleasant actions, such as his move to kill Deusolbert and his intent to die fighting Administrator. His trauma gives him those intrusive thoughts of violence and suicidal behavior, including the feeling of being unloved.
Accel World
The crux of Accel World is that avatars are basically born from mental scars (trauma). Avatars are trauma worn on the sleeves of the players, so while they aren’t obvious to other players, they are painfully obvious to the individual controlling them. I won’t cover every single character, since the whole point is that they’re all traumatized here, but I will make some key points.
First off, we’ll start with Haruyuki himself. This is the big point- unlike the traumas we see in SAO, Haruyuki’s trauma might seem a bit meek. His trauma stems from years of bullying. His self-confidence was eaten away at and he cowers and wants to flee the bullying, giving birth to Silver Crow. Portraying the results of bullying as trauma is SUCH a big deal, and it’s pretty obvious why.
A lot of people scoff at PTSD stemming from situations they don’t see as traumatic in the real world, and there are a few times I can think off where Haruyuki wonders if bullying really is a mental scar when compared to the traumas of other Brain Burst players. But Kawahara is showing us that PTSD isn’t just a condition for people in life or death situations. It can apply to someone who was bullied just the same.
Haruyuki’s trauma births an avatar the same way Kuroyukihime’s did: her trauma comes from her family. She’s cut off from them and feels unloveable and forms an untouchable avatar from that feeling.
Some of the kids in Accel World had traumas that stemmed from something physical- Utai has her aphasia. Fuko has her prosthetic legs. But others stem from personal relationships, such as feeling like friends are slipping away (Chiyuri), being orphaned (Niko), or having a lack of identity (Cobalt and Manganese from the Leonids).
Kawahara treats all of these traumas as worthy of forming an avatar born from mental scars, which turns a story that seems filled to the brim with fanservice and fighting into something that is far more meaningful and validates traumas of all kinds.
The Isolator
A bit of a hidden gem, for those that don’t know of it, Isolator is a sci-fi story about alien orbs that come down to Earth and implant themselves in human hosts. These orbs come in two kinds- black (Jet Eyes) and red (Ruby Eyes), and they give the hosts superhuman powers which, much like Accel World’s avatars, appear to stem from some sort of persona trauma. Jet Eyes appear to be the good guys, while Ruby Eyes are shown to have a killing intent paired with their powers and appear to be the bad guys.
The main character, Minoru, received these Jet Eye powers and was given an impenetrable shell around his body that he can activate from his breathing. The only thing that can pass through the shell is light, and the only thing it can surround is something Minoru acknowledges as part of himself. (Clothing, something he’s already holding).
This power comes from his desire to isolate himself from other human beings after his family is murdered when he was little. He feels that forming relationships is risky because he’ll hurt if he loses someone like that again. His PTSD in this regard is very extreme and he handles it by forcing everyone out of his life, in some cases very coldly if he has to.
On the opposite side, what makes Isolator a really engaging work is not the protagonists’ trauma- but rather the antagonists’ traumas. Each main villain of the volume until volume 5 focused very deeply on the namesake of the volume and their trauma that drives them as a Ruby Eye to kill. I’ll focus on two of my favorites because this is getting longer than anticipated.
Igniter. He was implated with the Ruby Eye as he attempted collective suicide with his family by driving his car off of a bridge into a river. He was already traumatized by his failures in life enough to think that he needed to end it, but what’s interesting is that the Ruby Eye based his powers off of the in-progress suicide attempt and not his feelings of failure and desire to die because of it. This highlights that sometimes we as people have multiple traumas that can manifest differently in ourselves or have different reactions from us. His brain registers his failed suicide as more traumatic to him than his feelings of losing everything and failing, thus the Ruby Eye feeds on his newfound fear of water.
Trancer, unlike prior Ruby Eyes in volumes 1 and 2, is a teenager. His trauma is is very particular in that he watched a friend die of something that didn’t kill him. They were locked in a freezer hiding from abusive parents, and his friend died while he survived. While the backstory is sad, it doesn’t seem all that interesting when compared to the other traumas I’ve highlighted, so let’s look at how Trancer responds to his trauma through his interactions with a Jet Eye, Olivier.
Trancer and Olivier both are upset about the loss of a girl in their lives; for Trancer, his friend died in the freezer, and for Olivier, his sister was kidnapped by Ruby Eyes. While the reasons behind this have not yet been revealed as of volume 5, it’s clear that Trancer throws their possession of Olivier’s sister, Claire, in his face as a defense mechanism regarding his trauma. He lost his friend, therefore he took something important to Olivier to take it out on someone else: a classic example of bullying stemmed from trauma.
What’s the main takeaway here?
Kawahara’s treatment of trauma and PTSD in his works is very diverse. He handles it in a way that I can appreciate as someone who has PTSD and has loved ones with PTSD.
#sword art online#accel world#the isolator#zettai naru isolator#sword art online alicization#sword art online war of underworld#sword art online ii#ptsd#tw suicude#tw war mention#tw death#tw gun#long post
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midnight in salem: a review
Your girl finally beat Midnight in Salem last night and...I have thoughts. Feelings. Concerns. But also hope? This review is like a year late but whatever. Overall, I didn’t hate the game nearly as much as I thought I would, and I was fully prepared to loathe it. Spoilers are under the cut for anyone who hasn’t played it yet! (also...it’s long lol)
The general gist of it is this: Midnight in Salem is an okay game. There are some glaring issues that I’ll talk about in more detail, but there is a foundation that I feel is strong for the future. Even with the problems I saw I don’t think MID is the weakest in the series (MED and RAN still claim those spots). Let’s break it down.
Good: the mystery. Although I guessed Teegan’s role in the fire early on, I thought the overall storyline was compelling and that they did a good job of intertwining the characters and motivations in ways that wasn’t super obvious. The one problem I did have with the story is I felt like I couldn’t follow up with characters as much as I wanted to. For example, you can go upstairs in the museum and discover pretty early on that the Parry family changed their name from Parris but you can’t ask Teegan about it until she brings it up much later in the game—and even then it’s not something you prompt, it’s something she just gives up. I also think I found out about things in dialogue before I was supposed to as though branches of the dialogue tree were incorrectly crossed. Despite that, I think the mystery was good...just needed a little more refining to pull it all together. There were also a few threads that didn’t get tied up (do we just assume that Jason mimicked Olivia’s smoke bombs because he watched her in the square?).
Bad: the linearity. The thing that I loved (and hated) about past games was that you could hit moments where it wasn’t always clear where you were supposed to go next. With MID, however, you were led from location to location with little reason to return to other places when you finished the single task you needed to do. You would start at the Parry’s house, go to town square, make one trip out to Hathorne House, go back to the town square and repeat the next with a random trip to Lauren’s shop instead of Hathorne. And with the lack of locations to begin with...it just felt like it was a small game without much to do. That said, some of my favorite games have had a much smaller setting (TRT, for example) and did it well. So perhaps this issue could’ve been fixed with more complexity added to the puzzles and additional side quests.
Good: the voice acting and characters. Look, I loved Lani as Nancy Drew and she will always have a special place in my heart, but the new voice of Nancy has won me over. She’s got the exact type of energy I imagine and had a more modern voice. I do think she was one of the weakest voice actors in the game (random lines seemed to feel out of place emotionally, but that could just as much be on the editing team as the voice actor), but I still liked her overall. The rest of the voice cast was also great, which helped to carry a script that I felt was weak at moments—there were times when the dialogue was just...bad. The characters as a whole felt unique and fun, and I really loved the interactions between Deirdre and the Hardy Boys. I would argue that the strongest part of the game is the characters, even if I do think they could’ve gone further with some of the friendships and relationships that were hinted throughout the game (Judge Danforth and Jason, Mei and Jason, Teegan/Olivia/Lauren, etc). I also liked that the characters felt more alive...moving around, in multiple places, etc. The positioning of characters when they followed you was...unfortunate at times. Deirdre scared me every time I turned around and navigating the tunnels at the end of the game was nearly impossible with how characters constantly blocked your view.
Bad: the graphics. This is obviously something that has been complained about since the beginning, and it’s for good reason: the graphics were lackluster. I have a pretty good laptop so I was able to play on high settings, but even then they weren’t nearly as good as I was expecting for how long they worked on the game. The character models are one of the most glaring issues: choppy and awkward animations, a lack of texture and shadows, and those really freaky eyes. The environments, though slightly better, still felt as though they were built from unity assets that the developers picked up off online stores and threw together. I couldn’t stand looking at the leaf piles on the ground or the street outside the Parry house because they were so incredibly flat. The final puzzle scenes felt better to me, as did Olivia’s shop and even the graveyard, so it’s clear that they can do better, but that level (or even higher level) of detail needs to be present in everything. The lighting is another huge issue—it was extremely flat in most parts of the game and took away a lot of the mood that could’ve been set. That said, I think graphics can be improved....if they put in the money and resources.
Good: the puzzles and interact-able objects. The puzzles that we did have in the game were fun and varying, which I think is important in mystery games. Some of the controls in the puzzles were really frustrating (more on the controls later), but there wasn’t a puzzle that I flat-out couldn’t solve. I also liked the way we could rotate objects and see all sides of them but again, the controls were a little frustrating.
Bad: the number of puzzles. There just wasn’t enough puzzles for me, particularly puzzles that directly affected the storyline. For example, you can find a ripped-up note in the trash can in the Parry house but it’s never referenced again and you don’t actually need to do it to solve the mystery. Same with the piece of the flyer you find in the scarecrow. I think I saw a reddit thread or a post here that suggested things with book sorting or doing stuff with displays in the museum as additional puzzles and I 100% agree that they’d be great (and easy) additions to the storyline. Or maybe even helping Olivia with doing her store inventory (as we see on her list that she clearly doesn’t want to do it).
Good: the mini-games. I loved the pumpkin quest and making johnny cakes (though I wish we could’ve actually made the various recipes and not have done the flipping part 6 times). I also loved making the herb mixtures! I honestly don’t have any complaints here. I think there was a good amount of them and they were fun to come back to.
Bad: the controls. While I appreciate what HER was trying to do with the controls, I really don’t think they worked. The “looking around” in a scene is cool in theory, but the actual act of dragging around an object was tedious and frustrating. The movement through the town square was really annoying, too—it took me forever to get from one side to the other. I think the yellow glow around the cursor when you found something to interact with could be a little more prominent, too. I think if HER wants to continue using this setup then they need to fix the cursor sensitivity to deal with how slow looking around a scene can be when dragging. I think we also could’ve done with a way to read the logs of conversations because I definitely missed a few things when I looked away for a second.
Good: Deirdre. Shannon. I love her. So much. She’s absolutely fantastic. Her snark was great and I really appreciated how they gave her autonomy and actively contribute to the case. I would’ve loved for her to be playable (like maybe we follow her to do research on the town or search for the will), but I can’t complain about the amount we saw her. Her scenes with the Hardy Boys were some of my favorite in game....and I really hope we continue to have her as a phone contact in future games (if not see her in person again!).
Bad: no charm. Despite some high points with characters and the mystery, overall this game just lacked the charm of the past. I know some of this stems from moving to Unity and the subsequent changes to graphics and models, but I really feel like so much of the uniqueness to the games was stripped away as well. There are some easy changes that I think could fix this, starting with the UI and dialogue display and working to improve the lighting and character models. Nancy Drew needs a small amount of grittiness, I think, and a clean, modern look just doesn’t feel right.
Good: throwbacks to old games. I appreciated that there were some throwbacks to old games mixed in as you went and that some of our old familiar easter eggs popped up (Koko Kringle candy, for one!). I like to think that the black cats in Olivia’s shop were throwbacks to Suki from SAW (though that one is unlikely) and there was also a mention of a Waverly Academy, though I think this was either a mistake or unintentional because the letter is for an art school and Waverly was a boarding school. I was hoping for a Kate Drew reference when on the phone with Carson, but alas. Here’s hoping they continue to bring past games into new ones.
Bad: the lack of depth. I felt like overall the game only scratched the surface of what it could’ve in terms of bringing in more history and complexity. The lack of puzzles and overly-linear story made it a pretty quick solve and the characters, though interesting, could’ve done with more interaction with each other. More puzzles, more history, and more side quests could’ve helped with this immensely. (Oh, and get rid of the ridiculous side love triangle and manufactured drama with Ned and Nancy. That’s something worth it’s own post, however.)
tl;dr I wouldn’t go so far to say that MID was a roaring success or met the expectations I had for the game, but I do think there is hope for the future if we get more games. The mystery was solid and there are some good things that came from it, but they’ve got a lot of work to do to bring the next game back to the quality level that we saw in past eras. If anything, this did make me want to play through all the old games in order again, which I haven’t wanted to do in years.
Time to go open photoshop and make all the Mei/Jason and Frank/Deirdre graphics and get back in the edit game!
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