#nor is it understood
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i want to be a real boy, said the puppet to the fairy. i am too loud and too wooden. i cannot understand the softness of their skin.
when i lie, my nose grows. when i am lied to, nothing happens to them at all. they smile. their eyes shine, wet with salt-water. my wrists are bound with string, my ankles are threaded with wire.
when i open my mouth, out comes a scream, as a felled tree, bleeding sap. i've shattered the windows and bent the door.
i've broken my father's heart.
have i not given all i had within me to give? did i not shave myself hollow to offer a handful of wood chips and sawdust to anyone who would smile at me? my walls are thin, by now, and my voice is a haunting within my own head. when the sun is strong enough, it shines right through me.
as though i was made of glass, like the fine porcelain dolls in their fine silk dresses and their fine leather shoes. those chubby-red cheeks, polished to the noblest of shines.
smooth as aged pebbles, they do not hurt the palms that hold them unless dropped.
i have taken sandpaper to the high points of me. the rough, first, no matter how it hurt to hold it. no matter the mess. my father taught me well. i will not splinter if you touch me.
i will not lie. i will dance the dance, i will drink the drink, i will breathe only when i am told. i will sink this pining body into the sea. for my father, i will rot.
only make me soft. give me lungs and a beating, bleeding heart.
make me right, said the puppet to the fairy, make me whole.
silly little heartwood, said the fairy to the puppet, you are real. how else would you cry? there is nothing wrong with you.
#poetry#writerblr#writers of tumblr#poets of tumblr#my work#spilled ink#spilled words#pinocchio 🤝 autism#actually autistic#in which calling for help is not about the wood or the skin#nor is it understood#walked a wooden boy into a testing center and came out with no answers#burst a puppet into sodden tears
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Cellbit: Yeah, [Bobby is] our son.
Roier: What?
Cellbit: He's our son, no? Or not? Am I not?
Roier: I mean… he's already dead. [...] By the time we got married, he was no longer around. So in theory, in theory-
Cellbit: But in my heart, he is my son.
Roier: Oh, that's fine, in your heart, yes. In your heart, yes. But actually-
Cellbit: He could have been my son, he could have been.
Roier: But actually, he is my son and Jaiden’s.
Cellbit: Yes yes, definitely, of course.
Roier: [Smacks him] Exactly. Well, you're the step-father, you know?
[ Full Transcript ↓ ]
Cellbit: Hey Tina, have you met Bobby? I don't think you did, right?
Tina: I met him a little bit earlier, he's so cute!
Roier: Aww
Tina: I told him I like StarBobby.
Cellbit: Yeah, it's our son.
Roier: What? But-
Cellbit: He's our son, no? Or not? Am I not?
Roier: I mean... he's already dead.
Cellbit: That's true, that's true.
Roier: By the time we got married, he was no longer around.
Cellbit: That's true, true.
Roier: So in theory, in theory-
Cellbit: But in my heart, he is my son.
Roier: Oh, that's fine, in your heart, yes. In your heart, yes. But actually-
Bagi: Am I the auntie?
Cellbit: He could have been my son, he could have been.
Roier: But actually, he is my son and Jaiden’s.
Cellbit: Yes yes, definitely, of course.
Roier: [Smacks him] Exactly. Well, you're the step-father, you know?
Bagi: So I don't think I'm your auntie, sorry. Unless you want to!
Cellbit: Yes, fake dad, fake dad. Fake father.
Roier: But it's ok. It's ok.
Cellbit: It's ok, it's ok.
Roier: It's this dumbass' fault he died anyways.
#Roier#Cellbit#Guapoduo#Bobby#QSMP#Saw people straight up lying about what they said during this exchange so this is just me slapping down the receipts#Roier's right though! At that point in time he and Cellbit weren't married nor did they have that kind of relationship#If Bobby hadn't died maybe Cellbit COULD'VE been some kind of guardian to him#But Bobby is; and has always been; Roier and Jaiden's son#As a side note#With how involved Roier is in fandom stuff#I'm sure he's seen how frequently Jaiden gets left out and/or replaced with Cellbit in family art#So whether this is his gentle reminder to fans or just him establishing a boundary in a relationship: Roier is based#And it's a disservice to his and Cellbit's characters to take their words out of context and/or purposefully misinterpret them#Cellbit understood where Roier was coming from and explained how he saw things#(''I could've been'' ''in my heart'' etc.)#and Roier explained his perspective#(''We weren't married yet'' ''He was already dead by then'' ''Jaiden and I are his parents'')#Communication is the foundation to any good relationship!#and Guapoduo do it well. Usually#The fandom could learn a thing or two from QSMP; aka ''Communications SMP''#Bagi in the background going ''I'm an auntie? :D'' then ''oh no I'm not your auntie'' then ''Haha UNLESS?'' is so funny
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Not that it really matters but the thing about the Darry Trial™ in AGoT that I think so many people get wrong is that Sansa was protecting Arya when she said she didn't remember what happened by the Trident. Lets say Sansa told the truth in that scene; she'd necessarily have to include that Arya hit Joffrey with a broomstick, because he was cutting Mycah's cheek for hitting Arya, and that's what led to the fight that had Nymeria biting Joff. But if Sansa said this then Arya would be wrongly seen as the guilty party.
Like, these people didn't care that Mycah was killed, so why would this room full of nobles and mostly Lannister knights care that Joffrey cut him on the cheek? They'd most likely view the situation as their Crown Prince chastising an impudent peasant for hitting highborn Lady Arya Stark. So Arya attacking her "defender" over this could be seen as an unjust (or even an irrational/crazed) assault on the future king. Don't get me wrong, I think Arya was totally right to beat Joff, just like Dunk was right to beat Aerion for the same reason, but their classist and sexist nobility isn't going to view the situation like we do.
And as we learn later, the punishment for striking a royal is to lose the hand that struck them. Do I think Robert would've cut Arya's hand off? No, of course not, but I'm sure that Sansa thought her sister would be punished in some way if she confirmed that Arya had hit a royal. We don't actually learn that Robert thinks the whole affair is no big deal until after Sansa has spoken and with further context we know that Sansa is frightened by Robert... so ya'know.
#plus we have multiple cases of sansa covering for arya in agot so i dont think its ooc for her to do it again in a high stakes situation#nor is it ooc for arya to bad faith sansa/not understand that sansa is covering for her and lash out like she does here too#you could also make the argument that sansa was drunk and genuinely didnt remember what happened#which would help explain why she changes her story multiple times later on#but i wont get into that here#old hat i know - sorry if im not making sense its late#ive just never understood fandoms majority opinion on this scene
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#comfey#never understood why this thing's name was implying it's comfortable but i also don't understand this thing in general#it's a circle of flowers. what else is there like. To Say#none of this pokémon makes sense. especially not its pure fairy typing but that's neither here nor there. flabébé does that too
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excuse me i need to Muse on something for a moment
so in Wally's secret 'vinyl' audios, specifically the last few (if we're listening to em in chronological order), obviously he starts to sound more strained/distressed. his breathing is more labored, like it's taking all of his energy to make contact.
but the audio that really caught my attention was the "But i still can't see" one. cause he just said he has more eyes than he did before. he knows We draw them a lot, and it's thanks to that that he can see. but he still can't see?
so my question is: where is Wally physically? cause although he can (assumedly) see the WHRP goings on, he can see through the eyes We draw, that could all be on a, uh... more Intangible level of sight. like the spiral pit is forming an eye, and then there's the eye on the ceiling in the secret Staff Only section - could Wally be in the pit, that space between his reality and Ours, "watching" through the eyes? but unable to actually see with due to the pit being pitch black nothingness? is he somewhere else? is he stuck? he can see, but he can't... see.
(or is he trying to explain an abstract concept - he's not actually viewing anything, but he can sense it. like how he knows We're there, even if he can't see or hear Us. but he just doesn't have the words to describe it other than using physical senses - see, hear, look.)
and him saying "...that I can see. But it is still... I can't..." but it's still what, Wally? dark? something else that he doesn't have the words to describe, so he just says that he can't see?
i know that in the Livestream Trivia Document (compiled by @/the neighborhoodwatch) there was something said about Wally being in a box. my first thought reading that was "oh, so he's in storage? the physical puppet, i mean?" which would make sense - show's over, there's no more use for him. pack 'em up and put him away. but that paired with the "can't see" audio makes both seem a lil... connected.
Wally can't see > he's likely somewhere dark > the inside of closed boxes are dark > Wally's in a box. (or maybe the Neighborhood is the box? it's a stretch, i know, but the map is a box. television sets are often set up in "boxes". maybe it's less of a physical storage box and more of a 'boxed in' sort of thing...)
one question i've had since the Start of my interest in this incredible project is: how is Wally communicating? how has he connected to the site? how does he connect to our reality? the pit almost definitely has something to do with it - most likely acting as a bridge, or the deteriorating of the barrier between our two 'worlds' - but if Wally is in a box and Not the pit or even just in the puppet's reality... how is he reaching us beyond just seeing through the eyes he's given?
or is he in their reality, and he can contact through the pit or something, but he can't actually see the other side? Our side? he knows it's there - that We're there - but none of it is visible to him. maybe his apparent disassociation in the 14 bug audios is a demonstration of him contacting Us. we can see through him, but it's a one way street.
and speaking of the pit - i just had a thought. his whole thing with Us letting him in, opening... the pit on the neighborhood map is getting bigger and clearer. but the presumed Other Side, the one on the Staff Only ceiling, is small. it's the size of a ceiling panel. it seems to me that Wally is chipping away at his side of the pit or 'portal', trying to reach Our reality, but he needs Us to do the same thing on the other side. the QA can hear him calling, but there's no phone on their (Our) side of the pit. how do We call back???
there's a fundamental barrier & lack of understanding between Wally and the QA/Us. he's trying. he wants to be let in, but what does that mean, really? let him in where? open what? he's desperate. he wants us to understand. he's trying so so hard Without the right tools to clearly communicate what he wants. he can't see Us, We can see him, both know the other is there, but there's no way to connect. and the attempts are hurting all parties involved, however unintentionally
#and its very ah. Autistic/Neurodivergent Horror i think?#the Wanting To Explain but Being Unable To because the people you're trying to communicate with#function differently than you. they don't understand. they Can't understand. their brains are wired differently.#no matter how hard you try there will never be understanding. your attempts to connect are somehow Incorrect.#and often - in my experiences at least - being that Different gets you hurt. people perceive your actions/behavior as a slight.#or as intentionally malicious! and then they get mad and you just.. dont get Why? you didn't Want to hurt anyone. you wanted to Explain.#you wanted someone to look at you and Understand. say 'oh. i see you! i get it now!' and have that Connection.#but you will never be understood. never Seen nor Heard. left in the dark. you're accidentally hurting them. they're hurting you.#it takes all of your strength to try to reach them and yet you still. fall. short. because they don't reach back.#anyway ive had these thoughts simmering for a lil while#Knowing whether or not the bug audios are present day or not would cross some theories off and write up new ones i think#that confirmation seems Important imo....#homebogging#welcome home speculation#welcome home theory#then of course there's the question of how Home fits into all of this... in the early days i was a 'home is evil' believer but now??#nah. home's not outright Evil i think. there's something complicated going on between them and wally and its role in all of this#im just... unsure of what. i think confirmation of whether his morse code says 'help me' or 'hello' would massively help clear up the sitch#is home an accomplice? a victim? a perpetrator? a secret fourth option? who's to say (yet)#i have many Thoughts about it based on a couple different things - the distorted voice under wallys. the waLLy guestbook entry. etc#but this post has gotten long enough and its Not on that particular subject#*grips the bug audios & home's morse code* you two motherfuckers would clear so much up i stg-#the bug audio's timeline placement could tell us whether or not wally is with his neighbors or if the neighborhood is intact (in some way!)#home's morse code would give Major insight into their place in all of this!!!#AGH THIS FUCKING PROJECT MAKES ME INSANE. IT'S SO GODDAMN GOOD WHO AUTHORIZED THIS-#as always take my words with a Hefty grain of salt & i hope it's coherent!#anyway there's nothing more dangerous & all-consuming than the need/desire to be understood <3
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Do Palestinians typically see Israeli’s as white?
yeah. it's a white settler colonial state. the settlers are white. their interests are full of white supremacist ideals. they treat poc like shit. the settlers mostly come from europe and america. israel loves eugenics. it's whole thing is like. white.
#i've only met ONE black israeli in my life#and she was stationed at the border. and she looked so sad and miserable#my family were trying to leave palestine and she was handing us our tickets after confirming our identities#and my brother. who was 9 years old and did not know arabic nor hebrew. did not understand that he had to take the ticket from her#and i obviously couldn't speak to him in english bc english = death#so i decided to take the ticket for him#and she fucking yelled at me and brushed me off#eventually my brother understood to take the ticket but god... that poor woman looked so awful and miserable sitting there#you could tell she was being treated like shit by the higher ups.#israel does not care for it's poc#it only cares about white people and white people only
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This is ridiculous but I’m feeling very vulnerable and emotional about the fact that I can put a label to my queerness I’m literally crying right now because I want to hug my past self and tell her everything will be ok.
I’m not exaggerating when I say I felt fucking RELIEVED the day I found out what asexual meant, and not only that but also there’s the term aromantic?? I was over the moon. I finally had a word to describe what I felt (or lack of felt in this case??).
I genuinely thought there was something off about me while growing up, and it got worse once I started watching all my friends and classmates getting into relationships and breaking up and feeling the pressure of having my first kiss and losing my virginity (a whole other discussion entirely bc of how wrong the concept is used and the importance is given) I was so fucking stressed and nervous all the time and felt so isolated and lonely.
I was scared I was not be prepared to have my first kiss.
I was so scared for someone to ask me out because of what my friends would think of me if I rejected them.
I felt violated every time someone made a sexual innuendo or hinted to a sexual situation with me.
I felt very uncomfortable when my friends talked about their relationships and getting intimate.
Fuck, I was and still am so scared of intimacy that I barely even hug my more trusted friends, and I only started doing that when I was 20 and felt like I could finally trust the first friend I made into adulthood.
Being a teenager and being told that you’re a late bloomer while you see everyone engage in intimacy and having their first experiences with being in a relationship makes one feel so alienated, I thought I would have to say yes to the first person to ask me out just to get it over with.
Not understanding yourself while making people believe that you ‘totally get why that actor is hot’ and ‘omg of course I kissed before’ for fear of rejection is like adding more confusion to an already unsolvable puzzle. Why did this happen to me?? Why did none of my friends have the same questions as I?? Why was everyone so fucking chill all the time about this when I was anxiously overthinking every single interaction for fear of being too cold or too friendly and hence making the other person believe I was interested in something other than friendship?? Why was I crying to sleep assuming I was unlovable and incapable of loving someone??
Realising that not only your feelings are valid but there’s other people out there who share the same burdens and questions as you feels like being able to breathe again. It’s like waking up from a nightmare where everyone was in on a bit that you just didn’t understand.
I’m still not at peace with myself because I have a lot of internalised bullshit, but being able to understand a part of me, a part that ate at every thought I ever had while growing up feels so good.
I don’t know if I’ll ever have answers to all my questions, and I don’t know if I will ever be ok with the fact that I can be alone without being lonely because right now that seems like fiction to me, but I’m healing and I’m trying and that’s enough for now.
#noodlethoughts#i was thinking about how once I understood i was aroace i started viewing gender and how people can perceive me as a whole other thing#and how it sometimes just doesn’t matter to me what i am#while other times i just don’t want to be perceived as a man nor a woman#and then i started crying thinking about how much easier my highschool years would have been if i had known#not sure if there’s typos but if you see one no you didn’t#asexual#asexuality#aromantic#aromanticism#queer
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huge wip.
#i understood how to make pools on platforms huge discovery#ts4#it has no windows nor doors BUT this will be the stevens house#i will use it even in the montero legacy if needed it's coming out good#dl#it's just a poor shell
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The Power of Shazam! (1995) #10 and The Power of Shazam! (1994) and The Power of Shazam! (1995) #10 and #43
#thinking about how neither the Wizard nor Billy understood when they signed up to be champions empowered by gods#that they weren’t just agreeing to that service during their mortal lifespan#but thousands of years of service at the Rock of Eternity#the Wizard’s pose when he’s told does not look happy#meanwhile the Pre-Crisis Rock of Eternity creation story is a really charming story#where Captain Marvel goes back in time and does it with him#as a full circle moment#also that the concept of the champion was specifically something that wouldn’t ‘bind the gods to more earthly duties’#but the later-added responsibility of the Rock of Eternity was itself something that put the champions in the position#of becoming disconnected from the earth like the gods were#dc#billy batson#shazam#my posts#comic panels
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Thinking about Httyd...hot and perhaps too personal take: To me, Httyd was more than anything else a movie about emotional starvation. And Forbidden Friendship was the sweetest, briefest celebration of relief from that.
Afterwards, everybody basically told Hiccup to man up “because that’s just life” and I will never forgive Httyd2 and Httyd3 for that.
#httyd#wherethekiteflies#y'all keep forgetting that Hiccup grew up without a Mom.#In the same day he finds his mother; he loses his Dad.#and the third movie has nothing better to do than to make Hiccup let go of his friend because it's clingy or whatever#to keep the only stable; emotionally available being around that he has ever known.#he's painted as selfish and immature for wanting that.#Neither Astrid; nor Valka; nor Gobber understand Hiccup in the way Toothless did.#Hiccup is simply expected to go without emotional validation or the praise and intimacy he desires for his entire life#because taking responsibility is more important than feeling understood. or whatever.#this boy was granted Forbidden Friendship as the only real hug he ever received... from a dragon who chose him; who stayed with him;#who loved him; who didn't leave or bully or disappoint him. this dragon was the healthiest relationship Hiccup ever had.#and it was judged to be weak. to weaken him as a Chief. when his passion and compassion for Toothless and others were in fact#Hiccup's greatest strengths as Chief. it were those qualities; this sensitivity that made him amazing.#but the plot decided that he needed to become just like Stoick and Astrid and like the Valka who abandoned her dreams & hopes for "reality#how is desiring and needing emotional backup in life void of reality; weak; delusional and too idealistic?#shame on you httyd sequels for never granting this boy what he desired most. and that was honest; unconditional support.#analysis#httyd analysis#rant#hiccup
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popculture would like you to believe werewolves and vampires are two very separate and distinct beings. folklore hopes that would be the case because gods would it make things much easier
#but no#the evils lurking in the night cannot be easily categorised and described... nor defeated... not understood...#but can they be... loved all the same...
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If wille is king there is no Wilmon that’s why there aren’t many. I love Simon so much that I don’t want him near wille if he is king
i think this is one of those times where we will have to agree to disagree on certain things! i believe that there is definitely still a way forward for Wilmon even if Wilhelm doesn't abdicate, but that's my own personal opinion and thoughts <3
besides, being royal isn't what is causing Wilhelm to act the way he does; the issues with his behavior would still need to be addressed even if he DID abdicate. it's not like abdication would magically fix every issue he has, every problem between him and Simon, between him and his family, or between him and himself. there is a lot of work that he needs to put in to become better.
and further, I truly doubt Wilhelm will be king any time soon anyway, which gives him the time to figure all of this out and to become a better person. which is what he really needs.
#thank you for coming to my ted talk <3#i love wilhelm so much too he's an amazing and complicated character who's family relations hit a bit too close to home for me#in case anyone thought this was wilhelm hate it's not. i will NOT tolerate wilhelm hate on this blog#but criticism is not hate nor is acknowledging character flaws#anyway#understood and acknowledged. i am still a king wille truther.#and a wilmon endgame truther though i have never once doubted that lmao#young royals#yr3#yr3 spoilers#askers#anon#shh ac
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hey ofmd crew do not. go on twitter rn
#it’s a fucking disaster over there lmfao#i never understood the raac drama nor do I care enough to try to understand#but apparently something has gone down and it’s messy and confusing#idc man I just want my show back
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i totally get being annoyed/frustrated w x reader writers not adding read mores or tagging properly but hating on them Just Because they write x reader is craazyyy to me like what is inherently wrong w that. u can say u think a lot is written poorly but that has nothing to do w the basic act of writing x reader fics
#💬nia.rambles#x reader#// Rant !!!!#im doing my best to use the 'x reader' tag now / keeping off other tags etc etc but like#JUST for the Act of writing x reader . as if that is such a horrible stupid baffling thing#also. the thing abt being poorly written#like . theres a lot of writing out there that u can consider poorly written.#and in basically any other circumstance id see way more support for beginner writers / writing what makes u happy / etc#just. not here i guess.#like i GET the read mores and tagging. every time i see someone not add a read more i get annoyed#i used to use the main tags btw so My Bad srsly. i get it. its understandable#but like. mannn. u guys hold a lot of illogical levels of hatred in ur hearts i simply dont see the point of#esp if ur fine w ocs or play dating sims/done an optional romance route or have daydreamed abt a fictional chara etc#u r One Maybe Two steps away from the x reader community. at some point u have Understood/Stepped inside. some of u are LITERALLY in it#smth as simple as making hcs abt how a chara would react to smth is literally x reader behaviour like. jesus. let people be happy#also theres so many genuinely good x reader fics. like theres so many skilled creative ppl in this community#sorry if u never experienced nor will experience that. 2nd person pov can b difficult but pays off if done well imo#i dont usually take the aggression towards x reader to heart but it has definitely ruined my day before LOL
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I was thinking about merthur and shadowpeach, and my brainrots gave me thoughts about shadowpeach in merthur's positions. My first thought was macaque as merlin cause of the devotion to their king, and extreme loyalty. but Emrys is the absolute most powerful person in the universe, kind of like wukong.
But if wukong was in merlin position, no way he wouldnt blow his secret in a week and/or overthow urther (and either place himself as king or macaque)
see, here’s the thing: shadowpeach and merthur are on 2 opposite sides of the devotion spectrum despite both leading to each pairing’s destruction and doom
merthur is devotion in silence and secrets and devotion in sacrifice. both of those idiots have a habit of doing selfless and self-sacrificial acts out of devotion and loyalty. but it was choked by prophecies and generations of harm
shadowpeach is devotion in self-destruction and shared secrets and silent paths made together. they fought together without any needing to hide. their care was open and understood by others. but it was ruined by the hubris of one who wished to conquer the stars just to ensure his loved were protected. the devotion soured into a resentment of their past joys because they didn’t know how to stop themselves from reaching more than they should have
#gonna try and simplify what I mean in the tags (place your bets on how I do)#shadowpeach began as a relationship built on devotion with no secrets. both were aware of each other’s actions & both understood#the other completely. however their relationship ends in ruin because of previously held expectations of each other and held back#communication. their devotion for each other destroys them and ends with the two as enemies and a broken friendship. the devotion is#still there but it’s more faint and needs mending#merthur begin with their bond needing some mending. they met at odds and could not stand each other. and yet there grew a devotion#one a little quicker because some dragon made known to merlin about his destiny but I digress#but there was devotion and un real able loyalty even at the lowest of times. EVEN WHEN MERLIN CONFESSED AND ARTHUR WAS DYING!!#they end their relationship with their devotion stronger than ever. a devotion that transcends time and life. their devotion is carved into#the prophecies and no one can erase them away. theirs is a devotion of unconditional love#……so…..who beg on rambly tags? congrats you win. i simplified nothing. i merely elaborated#bbc merlin#merthur#lmk#shadowpeach#tbh i dont think i can place any in the other ship’s roles#swk cannot be Arthur because he is the one with immeasurable power#Mac can’t be Arthur because he isn’t the one who wants to be king#Merlin can’t be swk bc he wasn’t a fan of kingship or flaunting his powers nor would he wreak havoc in heaven or be sealed under a mountain#Arthur can’t be Mac because he is not a fan of being the man behind the scenes or the warrior of the story#but they are so similar#but so different too#their dynamics are basically a reverse of each other(ish)#but yeah
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Bad literary analysis: treats the work's context/form/symbolism as a code.
Good literary analysis: treats the work's context/form/symbolism as a language.
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