#my plan will be a full success when everyone starts saying /j
Note
thank you so much for reblogging tmnt content. I finally pulled the plug and started rise 2 days ago, and between then and now i have watched all of season1, pirated season 2, and watched the movie. Thanks for the new brainrot fam.
Yeeeeesss my evil plan is working! Soon all my followers will be one with the turtles! Mwuahahahahahahaha!!
Anyway, I'm glad you liked it and have acquired a new brain rot. It is so good, I've been watching and consuming tmnt content since the 2003 show and it's just been awesome I love the turtles lol.
Heres hoping we get more Rise content!!
#i love being a turtle#ryss responds#rottmnt#tmnt#my plan will be a full success when everyone starts saying /j#lol#but ye im glad my brainrot helped you get brainrot!#its always fun to share the love through good content
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Punch | jjh
Summary: When you asked Jaehyun to teach you how to give a blowjob, you didn’t expect for it to turn into friends with benefits.
Pairing: underground fighter + badboy!jaehyun x fem!reader
Word count: 2.1k
Warnings: blowjob, cunnilingus, unprotected sex, breeding, fingering, lots of smut, slight praising
Hope you like it! feedback is greatly appreciated!
You’re normally not one for parties, but you’re actually really glad that your best friend Mark dragged you to it. You’ve been having a really good time. You were expecting to be miserable throughout the whole thing, so you’re glad that it’s the opposite.
“What did I tell you?”
“Okay, so it’s not as bad as I thought it would be”
“Hey peoples” Jaehyun, who you and Mark have known for two years now, showed up with a drink in his hand, which he gave to you.
“Hey Jae” Mark asked him before leaving you two alone. “I’m gonna go find Haechan, make sure he’s not passed out somewhere on the floor”
You and Jaehyun were both left alone, catching up with each other before you decided to ask him the burning question you’ve been wanting to ask him for a while now.
“Can you teach me how to give a blowjob”
“Come again?”
You sighed, “you heard me the first time”
“Uhh... where did this come from?”
“Well being here, I realized that I don’t know anything about that kind of stuff”
“Umm.... okay. Let’s go somewhere private when we can do this” you followed him to an empty bedroom before shutting the door behind you.
“First thing you have to do is get on your knees”
“Yeah I figured that was the first step” you got on your knees, the floor being very uncomfortable.
“Take me in your mouth, yeah like that, lick me from the base to the tip” you did as he said, still slightly confused on what to do but starting to get the hang of it. His tip was already dripping with precum, the clear coating evident on the pink tip. You decided to be smugly bold and lick it off, which was clearly the right move since his body jumped in shock.
“Look at you, getting the hang of it. Take me in your mouth again” you were eager to have him in your mouth, almost gagging as you tried to take all of him in. “Calm down, I’m not going anywhere. Go slow. Bob your head up and down” you tried again to take as much of him as you could, this time being more successful. His hand tangled in your hair as you started gagging around him. His hips jolted as your tongue swirled around him.
He moaned out as he slightly pulled on your hair, “Aren’t you a quick learner, you’re doing great, so fucking great.” His head was thrown back as your mouth worked wonders, learning quickly how to suck him well. His cock twitched, telling you that he was close.
“You don’t have to swallow if you don’t want to” you gave one more suck before he came in your mouth. His cock twitched as the thick liquid filled your mouth. The taste wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but you didn’t mind it.
When you came back up you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, Jaehyun panting and out of breath.
“You did really well” you stood up from your knees, slightly in pain from the cold hard floor.
“Thanks, I had a good teacher” you didn’t fail to see his ears get red from the compliment. You both left and decided to head back to the party, deciding not to talk about what just happened when you were both bombarded with questions on where you were and why you were gone for a while.
You didn’t expect this one favor to lead to something bigger.
“I’m assuming you’re Jaehyun’s little friend”
That’s all you’ve been asked since you arrived. At first it warmed your heart that Jaehyun had talked about you, but now you’re just curious over how much he exactly talked about you in order for so many people to ask you that.
You’ve never been to one of Jaehyun’s matches, only ever heard about how it goes and what it’s like.
You were finally able to spot Jaehyun, he was shirtless only wear shorts. You can’t lie that what he was wearing did things to you.
“You’re here” the way his dimples popped out when he smiled melted your heart. “I didn’t think you would come”
“I can’t miss out on seeing the one and only Jaehyun at one of his matches”
“Thanks, means a lot coming from you” you don’t get to respond as he’s being called for his turn.
You don’t know anything about fighting, but it’s very obvious that he’s amazing at what he does. Jaehyun obviously won. It didn’t take long for him to knock out the other guy. Jaehyun offering to take you to a local diner to celebrate. You didn’t deny his request, you really like Jaehyuns company, he always knows exactly what to say to make you laugh.
Jaehyun decided to come over while you were in the middle of studying. You allowed him to stay as long as he didn’t disturb you while you were busy. He was doing really good at first, but after a hour he got bored and decided to start playing with you.
“Jaehyun, please...”
“Please what?”
“Either stop teasing me or just fuck me already”
“Eager little one, aren’t you?” He rubbed your clit over your sweats. “No more studying, you’re gonna focus on me now”
He pushed two fingers into you, knuckles deep as your head leaned back in your desk chair. His long and slender fingers reaching places into you that had you moaning out into the quiet room.
“Oh my god” he speeds his fingers up, curling them towards your sweet spot.
“I’m the only one who can make you feel this way” he rubs your clit with his thumb, his fingers reaching heavenly places inside you. You clenched around him, it being obvious to Jaehyun that you were close.
“Are you coming? Come on my fingers” that was all that you needed to finish on his fingers. He yanked his fingers from your heat once you were done, leaving you empty and kinda wanting more. But you’ll never tell him that.
“Now will you let me do my work?”
“Hmm.... fine. Do your work like the good girl you are, I have to go pick up lunch for Jaemin and I anyways” he brings your mouth to his to leave a kiss before collecting his stuff to leave.
“Can I eat you out?”
You didn’t expect that to be the first thing Jaehyun greeted you with when you arrived at his match.
“Hello to you too, my day was great thanks for asking” he rolled his eyes playfully before driving his attention back to you.
“Answer my question, can I eat your pussy?”
You looked around terrified as there were people going in and out around you. “Jaehyun, can you lower your voice”
“Please, baby? I’ll be quick I promise” he grabbed your hand to rub circles on it, and you can’t lie that that gesture made your heart quicken.
“Oka-“ you weren’t even able able to finish before he was dragging you to the bathroom. He quickly locked the door before placing you on the sink. He quickly removed your jeans and underwear before diving his mouth into you, eager to have a taste of you before his match.
“You’re already wet” Jaehyun cooed. His tongue was quick to lick your folds, making you moan loud at the pleasure. He was licking and sucking your dripping center, your vision starting to get blurry. His skilled tongue swirling and lapped at your juices. He ate you out like a starved man as his mouth sucked on your clit, his tongue running along your sensitive folds.
“J-Jaehyun.... please” he abused your clit while he dragged his tongue up your lips and delivered fast licks, your legs threatening to close around his head from the pleasure.
“You’re so sweet, like a dessert” he mumbled into your core while still licking your folds and clit. He made long firm licks all over your clit, making your legs be on the verge of shaking. Your sweet juices collected on his tongue, making him moan out as he didn’t leave out a single drop.
Your finally came undone, his tounge pressing a firm lick over your dripping folds and clit. His mouth and chin was glistening in your essence when he finally pulled away after cleaning you up.
“That should be able to put me through this match”
You smacked his shoulder, “I hate you” you’re kind of embarrassed that you let Jaehyun drag you to the bathroom to eat your pussy solely because he was craving the taste before his match.
You’re at another party, this time you came willingly without Mark having to beg for you to come.
“Oh wow you actually came. Round of applause everyone.” Mark said as soon as you stepped into the kitchen where he was filling up his red solo cup.
“Shut up Mark”
“Oh she actually came” Jaemin asks as soon as he steps in the kitchen, in complete shock to see you there.
“I know right. And I didn’t have to beg this time”
“I don’t see why you always want me to come to these things, you have Jaemin to keep your company”
“Yeah, for like the first 10 minutes, then he leaves to shove his throat down a girls throat”
“It’s not my fault I’m attractive, I mean look at me.”
“You’re both annoying” You don’t get to hear their responses as Jaehyun shows up out of nowhere only to drag you away, pulling you up the stairs to an empty bedroom.
“Hello to you too”
“I’ve been needing you” he looks into your eyes, trying to see if you’re uncomfortable and don’t want to do this. When he finds nothing he’s quick to undress himself before working on you.
You’re glad you decided to wear a shirt skirt instead of pants like you originally planned.
He moves himself on the bed before pulling you on top of him, attaching his mouth to yours before rubbing his tip up and down entrance. “Such a pretty cunt”
He slowly eased you down on his cock. You moaned at the feeling of him filling you up. Once you’re adjusted, he doesn’t waste time pounding into you, his hips rutting against you. A loud cry that mimicked something of his name fell from your lips, making Jaehyun grab your hips to control you. Throwing your head back, Jaehyun’s cock found your soft spot. His hips snapped against yours as his pace quickened, pounding into you at an unbelievable pace. You felt so full, his cock hitting all the right places. Jaehyun can’t get enough of your moans, they’re music to his ears as he drags his cock against your walls.
“Can you come for me?” You both finally finish at the same time, his cum filling you up to the brim. His cum leaks out when he pulls out, the sight making him moan out. You both clean up before heading back down, deciding to go to his place to finish what you were doing without anyone else around.
You’ve had this friends with benefits thing with Jaehyun for a little over two months now, and at first it was going really well for you, but after a while the more Jaehyun stayed over after you were both done, the more he told you sweet words while he was inside you, the more you wanted to be something more to him.
“I’m in too deep, Mark” you’re currently on FaceTime with Mark, ranting to him about how you’ve caught feelings.
“I told you friends with benefits doesn’t work out” you sigh loudly, frustrated on why you decided to agree to this in the first place. “I’m sorry I can’t help you out”
“It’s okay, I’ll figure this out myself”
“Okay, I’m here to help if you need it”
“I know, bye Mark” you quickly hang up, torn on how to feel. The only reason you agreed to this is because you didn’t expect to catch any feelings. But every time Jaehyun was sweet to you, showering you with love and affection, it made you fall even more. You want to be more, but you also don’t want to ruin everything you’ve both had for two years. All that, just down the drain because you caught feelings.
You don’t really blame yourself for falling for Jaehyun, anyone would be lucky to be with him. He sings amazing, the amount of times you’ve praised his singing voice whenever you’re both in the car. He has the sweetest smile, the cutest flushed cheeks with precious dimples.
You don’t know what to do, and you’re not sure how to confront him about this.
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If you are still doing the alphabet thing can I please get a c!quackity? It's okay if not, dont worry!
SFW alphabet:
C!Quackity
♡Reader is Gender Neutral!
A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
Lord we know this man is quite the flirt in some way. He's pretty affectionate with you in front of others and almost has little shame with it.
In public, he likes to hold hands or put his arms around your shoulder or waist, depending on how tall you are compared to him.
In private he's pretty playful, calling out your name out of nowhere only to tackle with you a hug and kiss you. He totally keeps you on your toes when at home.
B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
He's a very teasing best friend, constantly joking around with you. Also the best friend people think you're dating before you actually date because of how affectionate he is with you.
You two probably became friends during the presedential election and remained friends since you decided to oppose Schlatt with him and Tubbo.
C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
My man likes to properly cuddle with you whenever you two have some quiet time alone. His favourite way to cuddle you is by laying on top of you while you stroke his hair or wings.
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
I would think that he would, most likely after being satisfied with whatever he plans on doing in the server.
Oh my god but he would be so bad at doing chores with you. Washing dishes? Yeah- that's gonna be a 1 hour ordeal as you two have a water fight. Cooking? Food fight. Sweeping around the house? Broom fight- you two keep telling yourself you won't do it again but you do-
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
(Me, having a minor flashback to when he told Eret he didn't like him at all) OKAY- So, depends heavily on the situation. It could either go smooth or just break both your hearts.
If it was just the relationship not feeling natural, he would break it off to you the nicest way he can and would still really wanna be friends with you. He can't cause chaos without his buddy after all.
Oh but if it was because of something bad either one of you did, he would definitely say things he doesn't mean. Things that would break both your hearts. Yeah, it would take a while to ever mend your relationship if that was the outcome.
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
He has like 2 freaking fiances and 1 (or 2?) ex(es?). (Karlnapity sfw alphabet soon? Maybe-) He's down to get engaged with you for sure.
Okay but he seems to like getting engaged really quickly too- So you'll have to tell him straight up that you need to see where this goes with him. Maybe give like a time period of 6 months or more to see if you two could really live being each others for the rest of you lives.
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
Emotionally, he is a little rough. He forgets his limits at times and will sometimes say hurtful things to you by accident in the heat of the moment. He'll apologize profusely though when he catches his mistake and sees the way your eyes stare at him with such hurt. He tells you he doesn't mean it and he truly doesn't, he'll feel guilty until you forgive him.
Physically, he is pretty gentle save for his few tackle hugs and kisses. He just loves you a lot and sometimes can't contain it well.
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
He loves hugs if it's you giving them. He needs to get a hug from you everyday and if he doesn't he gets super whiny and will even whine in his 'auto tune' voice until he gets them. He likes to hug you from behind, and sometimes his wings cover the both of you as he asks you, "Guess who this iiis!"
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)
The first time he ever genuinely said I love you was when you had to help him clean his wings after a bad fall of his. He had never let anyone close to them before and so him thinking he could trust you not to hurt him was something that made him realize that he truly did love you.
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
He's not a very jealous person, being a very affectionate and handsy person himself, but if you and him don't hang out with one another as often as you used to he starts to whine for your attention until he gets it.
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
His kisses are very hyper and almost silly.
He likes to kiss your whole face, planting them in quick succession everywhere to make you laugh.
He likes when you give him long kisses on the lips. Especially if it's during a calm moment. It makes his heart flutter.
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
Oh he can definitely hang with kids and in return kids love him and his chaotic childish nature too, but he doesn't plan on having any of his own, at least not early on in your relationship. He'll have to think about that for a while.
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
Mornings are the only time you can find him calm, you usually wake up earlier than he does and he always looks so peaceful while he lays on your chest with his wings laid out like a second blanket.
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)
Nights are filled with mindless chatter between the two of you. Rarely do you guys ever remember what nonsense you two were on about before bedtime. All you remembered is shared goodnight kisses and cuddles.
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
Oh, after all the stuff he's been through he doesn't trust anyone easily anymore. It will take him quite a while to fully open up to you about all the negative things he feels or thinks about. Just take things slow with him and don't push him to say what he doesn't want to, that already wins you his favour.
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
Okay this seems like a wild card not gonna lie. I feel like if it involves his plan to gain power in the server and you're against the idea he has he gets very frustrated. You'll have to be quick and tell him that you say that because you're concerned about him and his safety.
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
Besides dates, his memory is a little hard for me to describe. He remembers a good amount of things about you but things you mention in passing are forgotten until you bring it up or until he sees something that suddenly reminds you of it.
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
It was when you properly sat down with him and preened his wings one day when he was way too tired to do it himself. The feelings of your fingers through his wings were like absolute heaven and he forgot how good it felt to have someone do it for you. Safe to say, he got pretty addicted to you doing it to him after this event.
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
Although he may seem outgoing and like he doesn't care much, he is rather protective of you, making sure you don't accidentally communicate with anyone he isn't fond of.
He would protect you by warning you of others, telling you who is safe to turn to and who isn't safe to turn to. He even tells those he can somewhat rely on to make sure you're protected when he's away. If worse comes to worse he'll protect you physically as well.
He needs you to protect him mentally and emotionally. He feels like everyone he trusts eventually betrays him and he can't have that with you. He needs reassurance that you won't leave him like the others would or do.
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
He would put in a bit of effort to make it special but not a whole lot, he wants it to be fun but natural too. Though you can always gurantee that he'll serenade you during your dates or anniversaries, the music he plays for you is silly sure but they're also super heartfelt with effort put into it.
In everyday tasks he isn't very helpful, running off to cause chaos more often than not but if you do need help he'll always be there to lend a hand. He often times fetches (or steals) things you need too.
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
He doesn't know when to quit when it comes to wanting to take over the server. While you know how he truly is, it unsettles you a bit how he's able to manipulate others at times. You totally gave him an earful when he went to fight Technoblade because you knew, as much as you loved your boyfriend, that no one would actually be able to kill Technoblade that easily.
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
Schlatt made him feel very insecure about himself and even though he knows thay bastard is full of shit and burning in hell, he can't help but feel disgusting at times. Hug him and tell him that he's very handsome and adorable the way he is and that Schlatt shouldn't be talking when he looks like a wine mom on her last line.
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
He would feel so lost without, having no support would make him act even more irrational and could also get him killed pretty quickly. You're his voice of reason to a certain extent.
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
I've written this before but he likes to make nests out of your pillows, sheets and clothes. The mood strikes him at times and you two will just spend the whole day chilling in his little nest while you preen and baby him.
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
He doesn't want someone who leaves him when the situation turns sour, he doesn't want a partner who would leave him behind easily. Most importantly though and as unhealthy as this is, he most likely doesn't want a partner who wishes to have more power than him.
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)
He sleep talks and mumbles and that's fine and all but he sometimes he accidentally switches to his 'auto tune' voice and it scares the shit out of you if it's in deep or demonic mode.
A/N: Oh my lord I finally managed to post a c!quackity related thing-! Thank you so much anons for your patience and I hope you all enjoy this! I'm so sorry if this isn't very fluffy but I wanted to mix in a little canon compliance in it too for future angst projects. He was a really interesting character for me to re-study again!
(Requests are open and anon is on!)
#mcyt x reader#mcyt imagine#mcyt headcanons#dream smp x reader#dream smp imagine#dream smp headcannon#c!/quackity
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Defining Home: Extended Author's Note
Warning: This might contain spoilers for the series
(For clarity, when I say 'Tommy' etc in this post, I'm talking about the characters from my fics, not the content creators themselves.)
So it's done, huh? This note will include the sappy shit, the fun facts, then some of the more serious stuff, because I just didn't want to add an essay to the end of that chapter.
First of all, thank you all for the support along the way. Defining Home is easily my most popular series of fics I’ve ever written and I’ve been writing fanfic for years now. The comments and the kudos and the bookmarks were so very validating when I was new to the fandom, and still are. Hell, people have gifted me fics and written related fics to Defining Home, which blows my tiny mind. I haven’t gotten the chance to read a lot of them yet (procrastination I know thy name), but when I do, I’ll be leaving my best comments in thanks <3
I'll be honest, when I posted the first chapter of Enough, I never expected it to turn into what it did.
That first chapter was written in my phone notes at 3am, hours before an exam. I hadn't interacted with the fandom at all at that point, didn't even have a Tumblr for it, but boy oh boy did I get a warm welcome.
The point is, that first chapter was a very spur in the moment thing, mainly consisting of one scene I couldn't get out of my head (Tommy on a train to Wilbur's). I've gotten a few people telling me since then that they wished that they could write as well as I can, which is a huge compliment, but every person can write a fic like Enough. There are things that we all struggle with when it comes to writing: dialogue, prose, starting scenes - I have my own things I struggle with, things you might have noticed, things you might have not. You don't have to be a perfect writer to tell a story, especially in fandoms, where betas are easy to come across.
Write your story, even if its just for yourself. Posting that chapter gave me the chance to make new friends and I'll never stop being grateful for that.
One of those friends is Kat, who I've mentioned a couple times in the author's notes, but who honestly, I owe a lot to. Kat has encouraged me and been one of the main motivators to write this fic when I felt like it would never be finished, or that I'd never live up to other people's expectations. Sometimes, that meant motivating in some weird ass ways, but hey, it worked.
People who know me in discord servers might know that I'm a simp for Kat and it's damn true. Kat, I love you, you've improved my life more than you know in the last couple months and you deserve so, so much happiness.
In fear of love reciprocation from Kat, we'll move swiftly on to the more fun side of things.
Anyone feel like fun facts? You might already know some of these because I tend to overshare in author's notes, but I'm pretty sure some of them are new to all of you.
Barney the dog? Named after my own late labrador, who I love very much and loved to jump in lakes and need rescuing, time and time again.
I had no plans in moving Tommy in with Techno, hell, I had no plans in Techno moving to England at all. It was as much of a surprise to me as it was to everyone else when he told Tommy the news, but I latched onto the idea and ran with it. I think it worked out okay, in the end.
Techno has a draw in his bedroom full of parenting books, most of which were stolen from Phil.
After Tommy asked for help about what to do with Dream, Wilbur sent Dream a dm telling him he better not fuck anything up and if he did, Wilbur would not hesitate to humiliate him in front of millions of people. It was unnecessary, of course, but Dream was definitely a bit more cautious about what he said when he listened to Tommy’s explanation.
Some of my favourite things about writing Defining Home:
The Tesco v Asda discourse. Look, some of you just need to accept that Asda is the superior shop and get off your Tesco stanning bullshit. /j
The offers I would get for new chapters, some honourable mentions being newborns, siblings, diamonds and kidneys.
Now, I know that as much as I tried to, I won't have managed to include everything that everyone wanted from Defining Home, whether that's certain confrontations or scenes, I am sorry if I haven't included.
I don't imagine myself writing any more in the series, not because I think there isn't more I could write about, but because as a whole it feels complete to me, and any added oneshots I write would disturb that.
Right now Defining Home feels well rounded in a way that I'm proud of. The minute I realised that Enough was going to turn into a series I planned out how I wanted it to work. Maybe its just the maths part of my brain, but I like how there's three fics, with three chapters in each and how Tommy heals as you progress throughout the series.
My aim for the series was for the tone to get lighter as you went through, because yes, things kept happening (confrontation with dad, beach incident etc) but the point was that Tommy dealt with those things in different ways that he would have earlier on in the series. I have lots of thoughts and lots of emotions about how he felt safe enough with his family to experience nightmares and such. I made an effort in The Truth Behind Family to include more fluff, especially in the last two chapters, because I think it’s important to show that yeah, his parents’ abuse effected him, but it didn’t dictate how he lived his life.
Like yes, I could write about their first Christmas together, for example, and add it onto the series, but I don’t think that I’d be able to do the rest of the series justice in that. Defining Home is largely about what the title implies, Tommy discovering what words like ‘home’ and ‘family’ mean beyond what he’s been told he’s stuck with and I believe that by the end of the series, he’s been successful in that.
I'm so proud of the characters I wrote, Tommy in particular, for how far they've come in Defining Home, but I think that in a way, it’s time for me to let them go.
That’s not to say I’m done with writing for sbi! Hell no!
I have a couple long fics in the works and a one shot I’m working on. The main fic I’m excited to focus on now Defining Home is finished is heavy heart, heavy head, heavy hero which, to put it simply, is an sbi royalty au, where unfortunate circumstances mean Tommy is forced to become King. It’s going to be a little more plot focused than Defining Home was and I am so very pumped to give it my full attention instead of leaving that lonely one chapter on AO3 like I have been doing.
I was 🤏close to making a Discord server, but ultimately decided I’m much more suited to causing chaos on other people’s servers than running my own. I think at this point the karma would be too great to even consider making my own server, so if you’d like to talk to me on Discord, keep an eye for me on other people’s servers - I mainly lurk, but I’m pretty active on one or two :D
On a more serious note, Defining Home deals with some heavy topics and I’ve had comments tell me that they relate to Tommy’s situation and wish that they had their own found family to run to.
This Tumblr post has a list of phone numbers and places you can contact if you need help or want someone to talk to. Saying that, I recognise that a list as long as that can be daunting, so feel free to shoot me a message and I can either help you find the right one for you, or keep you company for a bit if you need it.
Not all of us are lucky enough to have our own found family, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t forever, or that you’re alone. My dms and ask box are always open if you want someone to talk to.
Keep yourselves safe <3
- Lee
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Pranks Are So Revealing Sometimes…
@itafushiweek One bed prompt
After everything had finally settled and damages were assessed to Tokyo jujutsu high following the Kamo incident, the faculty decided it was time for a full renovation. They would fix the damaged areas but also update other undamaged parts. Including the dorms according to their teacher. The students were given a schedule of when each of their rooms would be worked on and given boxes to pack their belongings for temporary storage.
“Don’t worry,” Gojo grinned. “Shouldn’t take more than a day or two per room.”
“Yeah, okay,” Megumi stared back up at his teacher after reading the information. “But where are we supposed to sleep if our room is being renovated?”
“Oh, well since the unoccupied rooms will also be renovated during this process…” the man tapped his chin. “Got it! You bunk with Yuuji, then switch when it’s his rooms turn.”
“Cool! A sleepover!” Yuuji pumped his fists in the air. “We can hang out and watch movies and eat junk food and just crash from a food coma.”
Megumi swallowed thickly with a groan. “I’d rather you give me your credit card,” directing his comment to Gojo, “so I can get a hotel room.”
“No, can do buddy. Come on, it won’t be that bad.”
Yuuji threw an arm over Megumi’s. “It’ll be fine,” his brilliant smile causing the man’s cheeks to redden. “Movies and food, we’ll have fun.”
Megumi looked away and crossed his arms over his chest. “Ugh! Fine!”
“Good.” Gojo patted his student on the shoulder. “Now that’s settled, get packing young Megumi. Tomorrow we’ll be starting with your room.”
With Yuuji’s help, it didn’t take long for Megumi to pack up his belongings. There really wasn’t much, fitting everything into 3 medium sized boxes. Mostly clothes, some books, and minor items. He packed a bag with just enough to be displaced a couple of days, and if the renovations took longer, he could probably just borrow clothes from Yuuji. They were roughly the same size anyway. The boxes were then taken to Yuuji’s room and stacked in a corner out of the way.
But the full toll of the situation didn’t really hit Megumi until the morning of the renovations. He was awoken around 7 am by Gojo, letting him know the construction workers would be there in 15 minutes. Great. So, he dragged himself out of bed and walked into Yuuji’s room planning to get a couple more hours of sleep. It should be fine considering Yuuji rarely got up early on a day off.
The problem was— ‘Only one bed…’ Megumi groaned internally as he swiped his hand down his face. Duh! How could he have missed this detail?! And there was no way to fit a second bed in the room since they were only designed for single occupancy.
“Ugh…” Megumi shuffled back out of the room in irritation. Guess he’ll just go get breakfast and figure out what to do next!
Look, he didn’t have a problem sharing a bed with another person. It’s just sleeping on a bed instead of the hardwood floor, what’s the issue with that? If it was anyone else, Nobara, Toge, Maki, Yuta, whatever— no problem. The PROBLEM is it’s Yuuji. Maybe one of them will let him stay with them? Megumi put his head down on the kitchen table with his arms over his head in frustration. No… that would be weird to ask. Gojo already made all the arrangements between everyone, so if he suddenly had an issue with it, they might find that suspicious and he really didn’t need them asking questions, or worse teasing him about it.
He could hear it all too. What’s wrong with Yuuji? You worried something might happen? Too afraid to confront your feelings. Wink, wink. Aww that’s so cute you’re embarrassed. But Yuuji’s a good catch. Yada, Yada. Maki’s monotone, “just man up” tone was not something Megumi wanted to hear. ‘It’s just a night or two… no big deal. He’ll sleep on one side; I’ll sleep on the other. What could go wrong?’
“Morning!”
Megumi’s body immediately went stiff at the sound of Yuuji voice. Damn guy was like a cat this morning, he never heard him come in! Or did he just miss it because he was too wrapped up in his mind?
“Yeah… morning,” Megumi responded as he sat up in his chair and pretended everything was fine. “Sorry, I didn’t make coffee or anything yet.”
“Nah, it’s fine. I can make breakfast. Want some?” Yuuji responded in his chipper way.
“Sure, since you’re offering.”
“I see they started working on your room. That’s what woke me up.”
“Huh? Oh yeah, That’s why I’m up too. Gojo kicked me out at 7.”
“Oh, if you were tired, you could’ve just gone back to sleep in my room.”
“Nah. I’m fine.”
“You still look tired.”
“I’m fine.”
“If you say so,” Yuuji placed a plate of food in front of his friend, then sat down across from him with his own. “So, got any plans for today?”
“Not really.”
“I was thinking of grabbing some snacks from the store for tonight.”
“Something happening tonight?”
“Movie night! Remember?”
“You were serious about that?!”
“Of course! We rarely have time to relax, so this is a perfect opportunity.”
“Well, since I’m stuck in your room… what movie are you picking?”
“You can choose. I don’t really care. How about I’m in charge of snacks and you grab the movies.”
“Fine. I’ll dig something up.”
The pair part ways for the rest of the day. Megumi felt it best to keep himself occupied so he wouldn’t think about that night. So, after breakfast he got some training in with Yuta and Maki who between the two really kept him on his toes. The construction work on his room sounded a lot more extensive than Gojo had relayed based on all the noise coming from within. Someone had placed a “do not enter” sign on the door, and so when Megumi walked past it, he didn’t bother peeking. By the time he returned from shopping around 5pm, it was silent. ‘Guess they’re done for the day.’ But since the sign was still up, it wasn’t finished. ‘Ugh, it better be done by tomorrow night.’
“Hey, Megumi!”
Megumi froze in place. Damn it with Yuuji sneaking up on him! He turned around. “Yeah?”
“I got food!” Yuuji held up two plastic bags stuffed full. “Dinner, snacks, drinks. Did you grab the movies?”
Megumi pulled three DVD cases out of his shopping bag and showed it to his friend. Three movies would kill about six hours, which meant sleeping right after they were finished, equaled less dead time to worry about.
“Sweet! Let’s get started!”
The moment of dread was upon Megumi the instant he walked into Yuuji’s room and laid eyes on that single bed. And as the dorm mate puttered around oblivious to his nervousness, he just watched quietly as the man plopped the bags onto the bed and grabbed a laptop from the desk. This was it, no turning back now.
“Why are you just standing there?” Yuuji questioned with laughter in his tone and patted the bed. “Come on, before the food gets cold.”
Megumi rolled his eyes as if nothing was wrong, but his heartbeat picked up the pace with each step towards the bed. He should be happy that Yuuji was so oblivious to emotions, and yet a part of him was annoyed… maybe disappointed… Megumi quickly shut those thoughts down as he sat on the edge of the bed.
“So, just to get it out of the way. How is this gonna work? Like which side do I sleep on?” Megumi questioned.
Yuuji stopped fusing with a food container and looked over. “Oh, hmm, doesn’t matter to me. I can sleep on either side.”
Well since he was already on one side. “I’ll just take this side I’m on then.”
Yuuji gave him a thumbs up. “Pass me the first movie.”
The first movie… all the movies he’d chosen were just action types. Megumi wanted something with as little romance as possible and knew Yuuji didn’t mind action or horror. Frankly, he thought it was funny his friend still loved horror after becoming a jujutsu sorcerer. Don’t they see enough of it in real life? Between the movies and the eating, he was pleasantly surprised to find that Yuuji became so engrossed in what was on the screen, it helped his anxieties stay lowered.
Megumi had taken up a position with his back against the wall sitting upright, and legs stretched out in front of him, while Yuuji was next to him with about a foot of space between them. Mid-way through the third movie, Megumi was genuinely paying attention since he’d never seen it before, when he felt a pressure against his shoulder. His eyes flared, cheeks heated up, and adrenaline spiked his heart rate. Yuuji had fallen asleep against his shoulder. No kidding this guy could fall asleep anywhere! Versus him who was too wide awake now to even think about it.
The last thing he wanted to do was awaken the sleeping man and make things even more awkward. So, Megumi tried to gently push his friend away to simply rest against the wall. His first several tries failed, but on the fourth, success… briefly.
“Mmm,” Yuuji stirred without waking and shifted on his own to curl up in Megumi’s lap instead!
‘Fuck, my life!’ Megumi screamed in his head. Things just went from bad to a disaster!
Again, Megumi tried to shift the man away, but every time he tried Yuuji would whine.
“Stop moving…” Yuuji mumbled and wrapped his arms around Megumi’s waist, snuggling his face deeper into the man’s leg.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Megumi gritted out in a muffled anger. By now, his whole body felt like it’d been stuck in a furnace and was being roasted alive. Ugh! Yuuji had turned into a damn octopus clinging to its meal! And yet… Megumi had to admit the man was cute as he slept. Geez, he even smiled in his sleep!
Not much he could really do, Megumi exhaled in defeat. So, he did his best to turn off the laptop screen using his foot and shift it close enough to reach. He then grabbed it and placed it onto the nightstand next to the bed, leaving them in a darkened room with only the gentle breathing of Yuuji as any sound. Okay, fine! Megumi counseled himself. Just ignore the fact there’s someone attached to you and try to get some sleep. The faster he went to sleep, the faster the nightmare would end. So, he shifted his body to lie down, then turned over onto his side hoping Yuuji would also readjust.
And the man did, just not in a way Megumi wanted. Yuuji simply snuggled up to his back and weaved an arm around his torso like he was one of those giant stuffed animals you win at a fair! He pushed the arm away, but it sprang back into place.
Megumi screamed in his head. He was so tired… ‘just ignore it, ignore it, ignore it…’
The sound of birds chirping caused Megumi to rouse the next morning. Perfect, his torture was over, it was time to get up— ‘Why was the pillow so hard—’ his eyes opened in a panic as his hand felt the unmistakable sensation of muscle beneath clothing. Without moving an inch only his eyes shifted over and saw the outline of Yuuji’s body lying on his back and he was curled up against his side! ‘Oh, fuck!’
Fight or flight kicked into overdrive as Megumi sprang from the bed like a cat and bolted out of the room. Every nerve ending along his skin was on fire and his mind freaking out, praying Yuuji had slept through it all. ‘This is gonna be so awkward if— What the?!’
As soon as he made it out of the room, Megumi almost ran right smack into Gojo. The man had one hand on Megumi’s bedroom door and the other carried a cursed doll, like the one Yuuji had trained with to practice energy control. “What is that for?”
Realizing he was busted, Gojo slipped the doll behind his back. “Nothing. I was just gonna check on the progress.”
“Uh-huh…” Megumi’s eyebrow raised, instantly suspicious. “Well, let’s just check,” he opened the door himself and walked in. “What’s going on?!” He whipped around. “Are they finished?” Because his room looked exactly like he’d left it the morning before. And he meant exactly!
“Really?!” Gojo pretended to be surprised. “That was quick! Looks like you can move back in. Well, see you at breakfast.”
Gojo turned to leave but Megumi grabbed his shoulder.
“Oi! What the hell?! There was no construction was there you prick?!”
“Nonsense! They must’ve finished yesterday.”
Megumi narrowed a menacing glare at the teacher. “That damn doll was the one making all the noise, wasn’t it?”
“Um… no…”
“And you were about to plant it for a second day!”
“Of course, not! I’m just carrying it around…”
“You’re such a shit liar!”
“Careful Megumi, might wanna keep your voice down lest wake up Yuuji.”
“What do I care if he wakes up now?”
“He’ll find you missing and the bed empty and be sad.” Gojo grinned defiantly then took off in a sprint, cackling like a mad man down the hall.
Bastard pranked him! Megumi screamed as he took off after the man. “I’M GONNA KILL YOU!”
#itafushi week#itafushi#itafushi fan fiction#itafushi fan fic#itadori yuuji#megumi fushiguro#satoru gojo#one bed prompt#fushita
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Disney Romance - Tangled in the Stars - 200 followers special
Hiii ! Thanks a lot for letting me choose 💕 I would like Tangled with female reader and my Sabo boy 🎂 - @pure-kirarin
A/N : Hey Kirarin chan!! Thanks for the brilliant idea of the 200 followers event. I hope you like this cringe story of mine. Please don’t have any high expectations on it, I may not reach them. I enjoyed writing this story a lot. Please forgive me for any mistakes.
Pairing : Sabo X Fem! Reader
Word count : 2.3 K
Warnings : Angst, fluff, happy ending
Your team were given a mission to infiltrate the base of a well-known Merchant, who was also a kidnapper. To set free all the people who were kidnapped and to hand him over to the revolutionary was your work. But… it felt like, it was already an assigned mission. Brushing the feeling aside, you took on the mission without asking anything else.
Luckily you people achieved success because of your planning. It felt like… it was the first time, your plan was actually implemented, without any ruckus or chaos. But why? Thinking about this, you felt your heart clench and your eyes started to well up.
“Y/N! What happened”, asked Koala as she came towards you. You wiped your tears with your shirt sleeve and gave her a smile. “I feel happy because we completed the mission without any… havoc”, you said trying to brush off the topic.
She kissed your cheek and said, “Aww you are so cute. Btw, we have a break for 3 days before we set sail”.
“Oh that’s great. Do you think there is any-”
“LIBRARY AROUND”, she completed your sentence before you could, making you chuckle. “There is one beside the railway station but, what are you going to read about? The Cursed castle?”, she asked you gaining your complete interest.
“Cursed castle? What is it?”, you asked curiously. Koala raised her eye brow and asked you, “What? You don’t know about that castle? There are so many rumours about that castle”.
“No, can you tell me about it?”, you tugged at her shirt and she closed her eyes and started to think.
“Actually, I’ve heard that there is a place in the forest, where there is a one tower castle. Everyone said that the castle is absolutely beautiful but it is cursed. If an individual steps into the castle, they get cursed”.
“Where is the castle and What is the curse?”, you asked her but she shook her head no and continued, “Sadly, I know nothing more about it”
“Oh… Now I have a even more interesting reason to take a tour of the Library, Thanks Koala”, you said getting up from your place.
“But, what about our shopping, HEY Y/N!!”, she wined
“Rain check”, you said closing the door behind you earning a sigh from her.
You walked quickly towards the library as your heart started to beat faster with each step you took. It was as if you needed to know about it or… like your life depended on it. Reaching the library, you walked quietly into the section of myths of the place. Looking around the shelves about the cursed castle, you found nothing about it. You tried to read and search for anything similar to it, but you found nothing.
“Excuse me, it’s the closing time”, an old woman, who was apparently the librarian, said to you. You looked at the clock and it was 11 pm. Getting up from the place you bowed to the lady and started to walk. Then a closed section of the library caught your eye.
“Sorry mam but, why is this place closed?”, you asked the librarian. She looked at the section and said, “From the time I started working here, it has been closed and no one is allowed in there”.
“Oh… Okay, I’ll leave now. Thanks”, you said and exited the place. After 15 minutes the old lady came out of the library and closed the door. As soon as she left the place and making sure no one was there, you made your way towards the door and opened the lock. Oh c’mon, this lock was a child’s play in front of all the locks that you opened before. Looking back and closing the door silently, you turned the lamp which you held and proceeded towards the closed section. ‘No Trespassing, closed for now’, was written on the door. You raised an eye brow and opened the door as you smirked.
‘The door would be broken by now, if this was read by-’, your thoughts stopped. ‘By whom?’, you thought as you felt the same pain in your heart. You clenched your fist and started to look at the books. They were mostly about the place’s history on the dark side and also the war plans used in the past.
‘Should I give up?’, you thought but again you felt a sting in your heart, as if you were supposed to search for it. You looked at all the books but couldn’t find even a similar book regarding it. You placed the books as they were and turned to leave the place even though your heart felt like it was crying with pain. Just as when you were about to leave, a painting caught your attention.
You went towards it and lifted your lamp to see it clearly. You saw that, it was a painting of a castle. ‘A one tower castle’, you thought as you saw the painting even more carefully. There was a full moon in the sky, the waterfall in the background. The sky was filled with so many stars and when observed carefully, there you saw a guy, with blond hair staring at the stars. For some reason, your heart started to beat faster than usual looking at the man in the painting. Suddenly the man moved and went inside the castle. ‘What the hell? Did he just move?’, freaking out, you took a chair and climbed on it, to touch the painting.
As your hand came in contact with the painting, you got dragged into it. You screamed as you hit the hard surface.
“Ouch! What the…”, you said as you placed your hand on your back and looked around you. It was a beautiful room, coloured with royal gold and had red carpet on the floor.
“WHO ARE YOU?”, you turned towards the voice of the person. Your (eye colour) orbs met with black orbs of a man with blond hair. He was lean and tall, also had a scar on his left eye. Your heart started to beat faster as you looked at him as if you already knew him.
He gulped as he clenched his fists and asked again, “How did you come here? Who are you?”, you blinked your eyes and got up quickly. “I have no idea how I got here. I was in a library looking at a painting one moment and then suddenly I got here”, you said and looked around.
“What happened? Why are you crying?”, he asked you. You didn’t even notice that you were crying till he mentioned, wiping your tears, you said, “It’s.. It’s nothing, I just felt like, you were familiar”.
He exhaled and nodded. “I feel the same, as if we met before, but I don’t know you”
“Is that so… What are you doing here in this castle?”
“I… I think I am the owner of this place. I can’t go out”, he said looking down.
“Oh… Can you show me the exit?”, you asked him hoping to just leave the castle.
“Exit? This place has no exit. I searched but couldn’t find”, he said to your surprise. ‘What the hell is this new problem’, you thought as you looked around.
He walked towards the window and leaned his elbows on the window sill. Looking at the stars he said, “You can’t find it. You won’t be able to. I also want to leave”
“Didn’t you ever think about escaping?”, you asked him as he continued to stare at the sky. “I don’t know. When ever I think about it, I get the question of, why I should even leave?”
‘I don’t know what is happening with this guy but… I guess if I involve, I’ll definitely be in a big problem’, you thought
“That’s pretty lonely stuff right there. What is your name? I’m Y/N by the way”
“I…”, he turned towards you and continued, “Sabo… yeah, Sabo is my name”.
“Oh okay then Sabo, even if you don’t wanna go, I intend to leave. My friends are waiting for me”, you said, ignoring the fact that your heart was beating faster because of him, as if he was the answer, but… to what?
“Friends?”, he asked
“Yeah, So, Sabo… wanna escape if you have a chance?”, you asked him. Why do you want him to come with you? What is this blond man having this effect on you?
“Can I? Are you sure that I can?”, he asked clearly wanting to know the answer.
“Yeah, how about jumping from here for starters sake?”, you ask him but he shakes his head no.
“I tried. I got back here again”, he sighed and continued, “I even tried to destroy the castle but nothing happened to it. It feels like, its mocking me for being the strongest”
He again looked out the window and said, “I don’t know if it’s a riddle that needs to be solved but, I feel like the stars are trying to say something. But I can’t understand what”. You look at the stars and then you see that, some stars are in the shape of the letter ‘J’. You walked towards the window and stood beside him. You remember teaching someone about constellations before. But… who was it?
“You… you are correct. The stars… It’s a constellation”, you replied to him and he perked up with curiosity. You observed the constellation and your hunch was correct. Pointing towards the stars, you said, “See, its looking like a letter ‘J’ if you observe”, he keenly observed and yes it was a visible to him.
“Yes, so what does it mean?”, he asked you and you continued, “Its Scorpius, according to the Greek mythology, it represents the deadly scorpion that kills Orion, the hunter, who was really proud of himself for his hunting abilities. Once there was a hunter, Orion, bragged to kill the animals of the world, but Apollo, sky god, didn’t like his attitude, so he sent a scorpion, who would end the hunter, Orion”, he placed his hand on his head and closed his eyes tightly.
“What happened?”, you questioned him.
“It… it just feels like… someone used to talk with me about constellations before. But I can’t seem to remember”, he admitted and then enquired, “So, why do you think the stars were trying to convey it?”
“I may be wrong but… I feel like, the castle is like the hunter. You said that, it was mocking you. But I feel like, it can be destroyed”, you ended as you took Sabo’s hand in yours and walked towards the centre of the castle. If you weren’t so concentrated to destroy the castle, you could’ve heard how loud Sabo’s heart beat was getting.
You observed that, the celling indeed had designs of Scorpius and Orion on it, with a star between them. Pointing towards it, you said, “Lets aim the star between Orion and the Scorpius”. Without hesitating, Sabo nodded and you both aimed at it and placed a single hit. Suddenly, the castle started to shake and cracks were forming quickly.
“I think we did it”, you said and then gasp suddenly, you felt Sabo pick you up like a princess and run towards the window. “We don’t have all day, Lets jump”, he said before jumping. You hugged him tight and he also did the same.
After you two tightly held each other, you didn’t feel any ground hit you. You both opened your eyes and you both were in the dimly lit, library room, where you were searching for the book and found the painting.
You looked up and saw that, you were still holding Sabo… Sabo, your boyfriend, whom you forgot about.
“Sabo? Why did I forget you?”, you asked him tears threatening to fall from your eyes, as he looks at you. He exhales and looks around the place and then at you again.
“Y/N! Its you. Its you!”, he exclaimed as you hugged you tightly. Pulling back he kissed the tears on your cheeks.
“Why did I forget you? It felt like no one remembered you? You were the one who was assigned this mission. How did this happen?”, you wine and sob at the same time.
“When I reached this place, the merchant wasn’t in town, so we decided to wait to catch him and free the new kidnapped people he would bring with him. But I got to know about this cursed castle and infiltrated this library to find book, that you’d like to read about it. Then I broke this door open and tried to bring the painting to you. Then got stuck in it”, he wiped the tears again from your cheeks and continued, “I didn’t remember anyone from this world, but I swear, I missed you. Thankyou for coming here and saving me, Y/N”, he said as he leaned his forehead to yours.
“I… I missed you too. I felt like there was something missing always. I used to cry without any reason”, you sobbed as he nodded and apologised for making you cry. You both exited the library after a while and headed towards the room you were given, still holding hands.
“You know, we found the merchant and freed the people who were kidnapped. For the first time no one messed up my plan”, you said to him only to receive a chuckle in return.
“Is that so. I hope its enough for this life. Get ready now because, your plans will be disturbed again”, he said making you laugh.
After reaching the room, you and Sabo cuddled next to each other as you both tried to sleep. You both kissed goodnight and slept. The next day, everyone were shocked to see and also remember Sabo. They were so confused at the incident and couldn’t figure out why they forgot about Sabo. You both never mentioned about the incident and the cursed castle painting was destroyed thanks to you two. He was the answer that you were looking for.
XOXOXOXO
I hope you liked it! Thankyou for reading. I am no expert in all the constellations. I just did some research on it. Nothing more. Sorry if I made any mistakes.
Like and comment your feelings.
Follow for more!
#one piece sabo#sabo one piece#revolutionary sabo#op sabo#sabo x reader#one piece#one piece x reader#one piece x you#one piece x y/n#SABO#One Piece Fanfiction#one piece fluff#x reader
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A Women’s History of City Lights: Interview with Nancy J. Peters
We'll be celebrating Lawrence Ferlinghetti’s 102nd birthday on March 24, and what better way to remember his legacy AND to mark Women’s History Month, than to honor Nancy J. Peters, Lawrence’s business partner, friend, and longtime comrade at City Lights Books.
While Ferlinghetti certainly deserves all of the accolades he’s received, the fact of the matter is there would literally be no City Lights without Nancy Peters. Beyond shepherding City Lights through various fiscal crises and providing the steady anchor that allowed Ferlinghetti to travel the world as a poet and activist, Nancy's vision as an editor and acumen as a publisher were a vital key to the success and longevity of City Lights Publishers.
***
City Lights: How did you come to know what City Lights was? How did you meet Lawrence Ferlinghetti?
Nancy Peters: In Greece in the early 1960s, I became friends with Nanos Valaoritis and Marie Wilson who were at the center of an international bohemian/surrealist community. They had a large home which was always full of traveling writers and artists whom they made welcome. The Beat writers were among their guests, and City Lights was frequently talked about as a place everyone would meet up someday. I met Philip Lamantia there and in 1965 he introduced me to Lawrence in Paris at one of Jean-Jacque Lebel’s anarcho-surrealist festivals of free expression. Before a riotous crowd Lawrence gave a show-stopping rendition of his “Lord’s Prayer.” I was impressed by his powerful stage presence. Later that year, when Philip and I were living in Andalusia, Lawrence wrote Philip, asking for a selection of poems for a Pocket Poets Series volume. We corresponded some while we were putting the book together, but I didn’t see him again until 1971 when I moved to San Francisco.
I’d been working as an executive-trainee librarian at the Library of Congress in the fall of 1968. In April, Martin Luther King was assassinated and the impassioned protests that ensued left Washington neighborhoods in ruins. There was shockingly little assistance to residents from the government and my part of the city was under military surveillance, helicopters hovering over my apartment through the night. A Moratorium to End the War in Vietnam took place in Washington the following year. Over 750,000 people peacefully demonstrated. In a small way, I was involved in the planning and, during the protests, my apartment was crammed with fellow activists.
The Library of Congress was an amazing, fascinating place with compatible co-workers from all over the world—thousands of book people all in one place. However, the mission of the Library is to serve Congress, and the institution was a huge conservative bureaucracy serving a conservative and ineffective Congress as I saw it. I believed that if I stayed there I would have little contact with actual books or opportunities for civic activism.
So I moved to San Francisco, where Philip was living and urging me to come, and spent an enormous amount of time at City Lights while I was job hunting. It seemed like paradise, such a stimulating atmosphere where people could sit down to read, share ideas, and have conversations about books, politics, art. One day in early 1971 when I was walking down the street in North Beach, Lawrence hailed me and asked if I would like to help him with a bibliography of Allen Ginsberg’s writings. After just a brief meeting at the publishing office, Lawrence went to Europe and his editorial assistant Jan Herman suddenly decided to move to Germany. Jan showed me how all the editorial work was done in the office, told me Lawrence “wouldn’t mind,” and so I found myself beginning an exciting new career in publishing.
What was your experience taking over as executive director and co-owner in 1984?
The store back then employed seven people: six men at the bookstore and one (me) at the publishing branch. So “executive director” is far too grand a title. City Lights was a small, failing organization by 1982. The store was not founded to make profits for the owners and it never did make a profit. Breaking even was the goal. But every year the losses mounted and there came a time when there were very few books left on the shelves. No one had seen a customer venture downstairs to the lower part of the store for many months.
At the time, Lawrence was immensely popular and in great demand as a performer and a speaker, so he was traveling much of the time, visiting foreign colleagues, living abroad, finding new writers to translate. At this low point in the store’s history Lawrence told me in a frustrated moment that if I’d like to own City Lights, he would give it to me outright if I would run the business, freeing him to do all the other things he wanted to do. I declined, but told him I would be honored to be his partner. Theft was seriously addressed, and a protracted payment plan was agreed to by Book People, the East Bay employee-owned distributors who extended us credit for a generous period. Savvy booksellers Richard Berman and Paul Yamazaki headed the re-stocking plan. The three of us would go every week to Book People and Lou Swift Distributors to collect enough books to sell the following week. As time went on, everybody at the store consulted book catalogs and took on the responsibility for buying subject sections. I envisioned a participatory structure. If not a co-op, I wanted a bookstore where all the staff had responsibilities and power.
Why the decision not to have multiple bookstore locations around SF?
At one time we seriously considered additional locations. We explored sites in San Francisco’s Mission district and visited city officials in San Jose to talk about a second store there. But our resources were limited, and we were concerned about the time and money that would be required to create a sister store that would embody the same spirit and ethic as the original. During my time as director, the evolving challenges from chain stores and especially Amazon made beginning a new store a very risky enterprise. In retrospect, so many independents were closing that we decided to invest in our present, iconic location. In retrospect I think it was a good decision after watching attempts by other stores fail to duplicate their success elsewhere.
How has North Beach changed, how has it stayed the same? With the exodus of Big Tech and falling rents, how do you think that will affect North Beach and San Francisco in general in the future? Will there be “a rebirth of wonder”?
North Beach when I came to SF was a small bohemian village, where neighbors shared meals on their flat rooftops watching the sun set over the Bay. My rent was $125 a month, cheap even then. City Lights and the Discovery Bookstore (used books) next door to Vesuvio were key places to spend an evening. Two large Italian grocers delivered (no charge) bags of groceries up four flights of stairs to my apartment. The neighborhood was full of inexpensive Basque, Italian, and Chinese restaurants, and many cafes, many of which seemed unchanged since the 19th century. Change happens, and City Lights is well prepared for the future. It’s never easy to predict how things will develop, but the feeling of a lovely Mediterranean town persists, with the wooden buildings painted pastel colors, and the shimmering sea light on misty days. I feel certain that the light of City Lights will prevail for a long time to come.
Do you feel that your gender had any impact on your experience during your 23 years as director? Do you have any comments about women in bookselling or publishing in general?
Gender always has an impact. The Beat movement was certainly male focused. Even though the undaunted Diane di Prima was recognized, she was never enthusiastically supported by the inner nucleus of Beat poets. It was a long time before the Beat women came into their own. From the start, Lawrence, who insisted he wasn’t a Beat, had eclectic tastes and was open to women’s poetry. He admired Marianne Moore and Edna St. Vincent Millay as much as he did T.S. Eliot, Jacques Prévert, and Allen Ginsberg. In the Pocket Poets Series, he’d published di Prima and, very early in the series, both Marie Ponsot and Denise Levertov.
Women’s rights and opportunities are always vulnerable and cyclic. The Women’s Movement of the 1970s was very powerful and widespread, its impact on women’s lives enormous. At City Lights we hired more women; we published more women. There have always been outstanding women in publishing and bookselling, and during that time increasingly more women writers were published, reviewed, and were given accolades and awards. Women opened general bookstores and women’s bookstores, founded feminist and lesbian presses. It was a thrilling development, to see so many marginalized writers, and not just women, finding established publishers or creating their own presses. Together they created a larger, much more diverse national literature.
I’ve had the pleasure of working with many talented women at the bookstore. And in the publishing branch: Stella Levy, Kim McCloud, and Patricia Fujii. Gail Chiarello collected and edited our bestselling Bukowski stories. Annie Janowitz proposed the timely Unamerican Activities, and Amy Scholder brought us classics by Karen Finley, Rebecca Brown, and others. I’m happy to say that Amy Scholder is again working with City Lights as an editor.
When did you meet the now current publisher and executive director Elaine Katzenberger? What was her position at the bookstore? When did you know that she was the right person to take over as director?
Ah, Elaine, the woman who can do everything! Elaine began at the bookstore sales counter, then reorganized files and the store accounts, and very soon excelled as a book buyer. She had a great feeling for good writing, so I asked her to become an editor and she immediately began adding excellent books to City Lights’ list. She’s smart, witty, multitalented, and politically astute. We are very lucky to have her at the helm.
What is your understanding or vision of what of City Lights is and what it could be? How has Lawrence’s passing impacted this?
Lawrence’s democratic inclusiveness made him the best-selling poet in the U.S. His moral principles, his courage and resilience are a model to be emulated. He conceived City Lights as an educational institution that would open minds to explore and relate to the world through books. “One guy told me he’d got the equivalent of a Ph. D just sitting in the basement reading all our great books,” he often reminded us.
His “literary gathering place” was to be a fulcrum of San Francisco cultural experience, where our bookselling and publishing could amplify the voices of diverse experiences, connect with other creative communities, and serve as a center of dissent and, at the same time, a force for creating a better society.
Lawrence’s vision will continue to be our guiding light. An optimistic realist, he believed that City Lights would long endure as the co-creation of all the dedicated people who work here and make it what it is.
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The Freedom of Expression Ep 30 - 'Attento' Adult daiper/nappy commercial and Guitar cover contest.
K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru starting this week's episode of the Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome. Well, well, well...haha.
T: Well well.
J: Yeh, well, well, well. Its kinda hard to know what to talk about in this opening section when its the third recording of the day.
K: Yeh, there is nothing to say.
J: There is nothing, haha. Should we just get on with the topic?
K: Isn't there anything?
T: Well, I was watching youtube, and came across your new song.
K: Ahh, yeh, yeh.
T: There were videos of people playing it by ear already. It was incredible.
K: Yeh, they wanna post before anyone else.
J: Yeah.
T: But it looks really hard to a layman like me.
K: Playing by ear?
T: Yeah.
K: Yeh, I think it is hard.
J: Doesn't that make you happy though, seeing people do that?
K: Yeh, should we ask people to do these?
J: Oh, yes, lets!
K: Like ask on this show for people to do covers played by ear, and then choose some...like, Joe's favourite, or Tasai's favourite ...
J: Kaoru's favourite..
K: Kami's favourite...
J: Lets do it!
K: Yeah, should we?
J: We could make an assignment.
K: What should we say?
J: Yeah, what?
K: Like, with singing, this might sound a bit rude, but it can be kinda funny sometimes.
J: Yeah, it can. This kinda of performance is better.
K: Yeh, I feel like it might be ok....Ok, should we ask for people to do youtube guitar covers of the new song, 'Ochita koto no aru sora'?
J: Yeh, lets do that. Its ok for people to do individualistic covers then?
K: Of course.
J: Their own interpretation of it?
K: Thats totally fine. That would be more interesting anyway.
J: Yeah, it doesn't have to be a perfect copy. Of course, a perfect copy is still ok though. This is interesting! This is freedom of expression.
T: Yeh, its good isn't it?
K: People can send us the url of whatever they upload to youtube, or they could send us the video directly, or....Let's get some entries.
J: Absolutely.
T: We'd need to have permission to show them.
J: Oh yeh.
K: Yeh yeh yeh.
J: Yeh, like or hide the faces of people who don't want their faces shown and stuff. Ah, its a good plan!
K: We're waiting to see what you've got. Ok, Tasai san, if you please..
T: Yes, well, its quite shocking news...
J: What is it?
T: Former SMAP member Kusanagi Tsuyoshi is taking part in a new venture. He's been appointed the new face of 'Attento' adult nappies.
J: Eh?!
T: Yep.
J: But he's still young!
T: Yeh, but its about whats coming. The company that sells 'Attento', Daio Paper, is trying to raise awareness of this issue that everyone faces, and make welfare more mainstream. Nappies have a kinda embarrassing image don't they? For adults? But by using Kusanagi they are trying to make the issue more recognized and open.
J: I see. I've read this article, and it says that, not just Kusanagi, but all the staff working on the CM were wearing nappies.
T: Yeh.
J: I understand the desire to get everyone on the same page, but..haha.
T: Well, I don't know if they were forced to.
J: Well, yeh.
T: I mean, its serious, but its kinda interesting...imagining everyone wearing them.
K: It says here they fit really nicely, but it was ages ago since any us last wore a nappy, right?
J: Yeh
T: I don't remember it.
K: We don't remember, right? So, I wonder what its like?
J: Right?
K: I kinda wanna try, haha.
J: Should we all wear them next time?
K, T: Hahaha
J: The viewers would never know if we were talking with them on. Just...Ahh!
K: Cause they're inside, right? They wouldn't show.
J: Right. If wear them we would only go, Ahh! if anything happens.
T: Oh, pants for that reason?
J: Yeh, and then after that we could know how they feel to wear. The company could sponser us to do it, haha.
T: But this is quite serious. Even in my family, there are some who say they don't want their grandchildren to know they wear them.
J: Ahh, I see.
T: There is this issue too.
Kami: So, all the staff were wearing nappies? I bet they peed in them.
J,T: Haha
J: You're going there, Kami?!
Kami: Well, the reason I say this is because, didn't you suggest that you guys could wear nappies on this show?
J: Yeah.
Kami: If you did, wouldn't you say you should all try to pee in them?
J: Well, yeh. Cause if you wear them...
Kami: You would, yeh.
K: I wanna try it.
J: Yeah, me too.
T: I see.
Kami: You would! So they were definitely all peeing.
J, K: Hahaha
T: I think so. He's really emphasising that.
J: Yeah. But you have to in order to see if its a good nappy or not, otherwise you wouldn't know.
K: You wouldn't.
J: Right?
Kami: Thats right.
J: Its the same as if its a guitar, you have to play it to test it out, check the sound...so with this..are they?
K: Probably...if you think about it calmly.
J: Thats it.
K: I think I want to try it.
J: Right?!
T: For sure.
Kami: Yeh.
T: It might be good to try it once, thinking of the future
Kami: You wanna try it, right?
K: Doing it in advance is a whole different conversation, haha. Im not sure whether I need to do it like that..But, I bet they are. (peeing in them)
J: They are, yeh.
J: Like Kami said, I mean, we were laughing at first, but..
Kami: Yeah.
J: Will it be the first time to wear one? Or the first time in a long time? And the amount that comes out will be a lot different from when you were a kid, like urine etc.
T: I would try it out once at home. So I can say I did it at home, and say how it was.
Kami: You pee in a nappy right? Like, how many times can you do it in the same nappy?
J: You'd have to change after once, right?
Kami: Oh, you have to change it?
J: How much..I mean, doesn't Tokyo Sports know? Its your article.
T: Don't kids wear one all day?
J: Ah, well..yeh.
Kami: Wouldn't it be great if you could wear them for ten days without changing, urine and feces?
K: Would it be great? haha. It would all be there the whole time. haha
J: Eugh, no. I'd want to change. I'd rather change sooner than later. Its awful if its full.
K: Is it ok not to change for ten days? haha. Did he really say, 'Wouldn't it be great?'? haha
J: Its the same mindset that makes him wear smelly t-shirts.
K: Hahaha
Kami: Well, it might be impossible with feces, but with urine, it would evaporate in a nappy, right? So you could use it a few times.
K: Like, you wouldn't have to go to the toilet?
Kami: You wouldn't have to go to the toilet, so it would be really easy.
T: Well, yeah.
K: R-really? hahaha
J: Nah, I'd want to stay refreshed, basically.
Kami: I'd really like a nappy where it evaporated, and I could be finished without ever needing to go to the toilet. I'd buy it.
K: We're seeing the real Kami here.
J: We are! No, Kami, I don't think that would be very popular...unfortunately for you.
Kami: Really? I had hopes for this company.
J: Well, there may be a chance for us to try this out on this show, because this is 'The Freedom of Expression'.
K: Haha, like do a braodcast and say, 'Actually..'
T: Haha
K:'Today we're gonna..'....I don't know when that time will come, but....maybe.
J: By the way, is that coming from you in a Dir en grey's leader kinda way?
K: Nah, I don't know about that...I'd have to check with the managers.
J: You have to check? haha
T: Talk with the office about it
J: I mean, there is a point to it, in terms of the future, with this kind of long term care society coming. The number of old people is getting bigger, and we ourselves will be like that in a few decades, so there is a meaning behind using an idol like this in the CM.
T: I mean, its a success that we're even talking about it.
J: Yeah.
K: Oh yeah.
J: Talking about nappies openly.
T: If it becomes a talking point and stays in your head, its a success.
J: I see.
T: They got what they were aiming for.
K: Ok, well, I think we'll leave it here. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.
J: Thank you.
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音像世界 [Audiovisual World] - Sept 2006
a very wonky but delightful translation under the cut
Placebo ; We are the 21st century modern rock band Text/Interview with Zhang Weiwei/Xingyue
On the first day of "2006 Beijing Pop Music Festival", "Placebo"
Perform on the main stage of the company. "Placebo" is hailed as "the most
Record the distinctive British music yin", this is their first time on the Chinese stage.
Long talk will undoubtedly be a feast for listening to you.
Mission to the last century
In 1996, one named
Brian Moco
)lkO) boy,’ painted
Seven eyes Liangying, leaving pitch black
Childish behavior:
‘The violent red color
I'm learning girls like a demon
Sing a song "Nancy Kid"
When I vent without hesitation
Stupid material life and
The emotion brought by the ft world.
From the moment on stage, cloth
Who is the backlog in my heart
Thrown in front of the world, lead
Shoulder, reputation, obsession and even
People band one by one "placebo"
Horribly turned out,
"(Radiohead)s"
"'Oasis" (Oasis) Three
The altar adds a stunning
Household
Don't one by one
Lane was born into a wealthy
Bank entrepreneur, mother
Christianity. Childhood,
Tossed in Scotland, Libby
Between Schlossburg. Serious
, And moved countless times
Dogs have no fixed partners in childhood
Jidu is lonely, even learning
The classmates and teachers in the school are also particularly alienated, plus
, My parents ignored because of busy banking
, The physical and psychological growth of his son, Bryan from 11
I have been learning from the streets, newspapers and magazines since I was
Factory women give themselves makeup and always like to surround
Women go round and round.
When he was 16 years old, his parents gave him a copy
Telecaster guitar, very sensitive to music
Brian soon bought a real price
A real guitar, and I've been obsessed with playing guitar ever since,
So that everyone can often see it on stage
Brian gently hugged the guitar one by one
He plays the role of a mother in his life
Important role. But in fact, Bryan’s parents
Straightforwardly oppose him to engage in art-father-
I want to let Brian inherit his career and become a
Bankers one by one Blaine began to use gender boundaries
Vaguely neutral dress to resist father and family
Against pressure. Until the end, Brian and his father
There is no longer any contact or exchange.
In 1990, 18-year-old Brian left the family.
Came to London alone and entered Gold
Smiths Academy of Art and Drama Studies (British
The prestigious Royal Academy of Art, "Blur"
Former guitarist Graham Coxon
Coxon) also graduated from the college J. Cloth at this time
Ryan has been able to skillfully play a variety of instruments such as Ji
Him, keyboard, bass, drums, saxophone, and even DJing,
He also worked as a DJ in several clubs, but he was honest
Say that I am not very good at being a DJ0
By chance in 1994, Brian Kensington subway station encountered a later career ride
Stefan Olsdal,}
Invite him to form a band with himself and join in one,
Club performance. Osdo listened to Brian
Immediately after the song was attracted, not only that, he
, Put his Swedish friend Robert Schutz
(Robert Schultzberg) pulls into the music
Be a drummer (until 1996). Until later
, Bryan also emphasized that Osdo accepted his
The moment I invited to the band was my whole life
E one of the unforgettable moments. During this period, Bligh
En called the band "Ashtray Heart" (Ashtray Heart)
Heart)0
After quickly gaining awareness, they
The band was renamed "placebo". Soon,
Caroline Records has recognized this and
A different young band.
In 1996, Robert Schutzberger
The conflict with Brian increased and left the band, from
Therefore, the position of the drummer has always been Steve Huey
特 (Steve Hewitt) instead. In the same year, the band
The first album of the same name "Placebo" (Placebo) released
Row. Singles "Nancy Kid" and "Young Rage"
(Teertage Angst) immediately became a hit single,
The stubborn and rebellious children of the entire Yao British Empire
Was boosted by this three-person band, "placebo"
It seems that they have been able to relieve their psychological barriers
A great pill for manic heart. Just as Brian is different from
Ordinary costumes-mascara, eyeshadow, full lips, ～
Nail polish, skirts, this series will only show up
The characteristics of a woman’s body are now affected by a height,The British man who is less than 1.75 meters boldly and naturally used to dress himself up. The British media took advantage of the trend and gave him the title of "fashionable Bowie". "Media reporters like to make boo heads. Maybe it's because life in the UK has always been so dull and boring. That's why they were surprised when they met me and yelled. I like "Sonic Youth" and "Sonic Youth". "Pixies", I prefer to dress myself up as I want to appear on the stage, in the MV and even in life. I just enjoy such an open-self lifestyle." Brian shrugged and said softly. In a tedious and lengthy interview after a TV show performance, Brian deliberately pointed the guard ｝l to the male reporter’s chest, so that the reporter was tossed by the sly Brian that he had no intention of continuing the interview. Go on, while Hewitt and Stephen are laughing together.
After the album of the same name was released, the band easily got the mainstream record company Virgin
In November 1998, he quickly recorded and released the second album "No
"Without You I'm Nothing". This album has a rare change in the depth of the lyrics and Brian’s vocals compared to the first album. Brian in "Pure Morning" lowered his throat and reluctantly sang "Send charcoal in the snow." "A Friend in Need A Friend Indeed" (A Friend in Need A Friend Indeed). A famous sentence like household. Bryan, dressed in black, jumped out of the building and walked straight down the wall. The MV for this song was also planned by Bryan. A keen listener can find from this Xin album that the alcohol, drugs, and erosive relationships in "Nancy Kid" have changed to the mixed emotions and emotions toward urban men and women in "Every You Every Me".
The rhetoric of the low-level media is more intense.
Every large-scale live performance, "placebo"
In order to pursue the perfect sound effect comparable to the recording studio,
Always bring fixed musicians with them
Stage performance, and these fixed musicians also accompanied
Placement has gone through a worthy 10 years. Although
But on the stage they always hide without light
In the dark, but they are the same as the "placebo" three
The relationship between the members is like a formal team member. Observant
Fans will also find that "Velvet Gold Mine"
These regular musicians also participated. And "Ann
Placement" "Believe in Me" held in Paris
(Soulmates Never Die) large concert now
The DVD and MV compilation are everybody’s
Placement" a precious treasure that loyal fans must collect,
The Paris concert not only included the "placebo" essence
Cham’s hot live performance also hides a 30
Minute tour documentary, including how the three escaped
Avoid the chase of fans and talk about the fun in the lounge
Bryan teaches you how to draw eyeshadow and sightseeing
Precious fragments of time crazy Stefan.
"Placebo" will play an electrified style
The ultimate is the new album released this year
Meds; compile the album cover with "Sleep with the Elves"
It’s exactly the same, it seems to come from the same designer
hand. As Brian said, in the past 10 years he’
We work hard to find a position and style that suits us,
Looking for an invisible limit. Bryan and Le
The team has been trying to get out of this restriction, out of them
Have experienced, followed, intoxicated, avoided
A sensitive area that has been and moved by. Although cloth
Leith now has a child named Cody
Zihe ~ a touching wife who maintains a stable relationship with him
One by one wife, son, and teammates are all Bligh
En is deeply loved one by one, but Brian is uneasy in his blood
The molecules make him feel full of emotion and sensitive heart
The world has never changed. Now the "placebo" starts
Putting aside some long-standing conventions, in the new album
Significantly reduced the iconic guitar distortion, the band
Focus boldly with a more fashionable electrified style
With drugs, alcohol, and love, it’s like a giant record jacket
The naked, twisted, and shouting woman, "Ann
The placebo" bravely broke free from the past
System", more calmly standing in the British rock music
front.The growth of the Bone Association Band? I am very happy with the growth of the band. Our growth and success are all through long-term hardship...Shan:1 Linde. It’s been an almost uninterrupted tour for 10 years. This is a relatively old-fashioned way of running Cantonese. "(The tail is also what we like very much. The live performance of the mountain and the constant currency" requires that you can get yourself in it. In the early days of the band’s establishment, we had already decided to deliver the music to our listeners in the most direct way. What do you think of the development of Yaoi’i Gun Music? "Lonz Ferdinand" (1,s,i Pordinand), "Arctic Monkeys" (Arctic Monkeys). "The Kooki"; do you think they really have "material"? Just because they are from the same island does not mean they are anointing Le Buya! What is in common. Of course "Franz Ferdinand" and "Arctic Monkey" must be influenced by the music of IJ Moji {Fei, in my heart! Bu! . He is a very good band in J1IJ4 II. Especially the L tail, "Arctic Monkey r", their "material" lies in the quality of their Shule creations. They are very humorous, full of the strong vitality of the factory, modern city, and very British creative style. What they are telling Very interesting, but also very "human", very
A true story is a very realistic expression
Present form. I think if the "street boy" (The
Streets) is a rock band, they
'
It will be the "Arctic Monkey". I personally have always been very happy
Happy "Franz Ferdinand", from their first
An album begins. They are from Scotland and also
It brings another kind of cultural experience.
What I want to say is that although there are so many
Success bands are all from the UK, but they don’t
Not necessarily have something in common, nor is it necessarily
It means that rock music in the UK will be more
Good or worse. Good is good, bad is good
Is bad, there is no need to divide by region
Standards.
What kind of concept do you hold on creation?
We are a rock band, just like I
We are a modern rock music
team. We enjoy using various tools and equipment
The possibility of creating music. Rock music is not only
It’s a simple guitar with electronic elements
Not only can be used in a certain kind of special music
In the category. The key to its function depends on you
How to use it and how to integrate it better
In your own music category.
Was the grunge trend in the U.S.
Has any influence on you or a British band? You like
Is Grunge Fun?
I never really liked it
Grunge, I have never heard of "Nirvana" (Nirvana)
Music until Kurt Coben (Kurt
Cobain) passed away. For me, "nirvana"
Too mainstream T0 I am more interested in those very
Alternative bands, like "Sonic Youth" (Sonic
Youth), or the late 70s, 80s
Post-punk band in the early years.
What do you think of as a British band
American culture?
We ourselves think that "placebo" is a
European bands. Of course we were founded in London.
Half of my blood is Scottish, history of drummer
The name "Friend (Steve Hewitt) is of British descent,
Stefan Olsdal is a Swedish. We
Speaks many languages, Stephen speaks 5 languages,
I speak French and English. We grew up in Europe
There are K people from the I1 family in Zhou, we see ourselves as Europeans,
I don’t think I have any special UK
Pity. We can, will historically and geographically
The music of the country and the era is biased. Ok
Meeting the music and blood should be interpreted, and it is truly
I found it at Ill lii.} I don’t care if the music comes from Which country, as long as it can move people. but I
I want to say: "I'm very happy that I will be in Europe
Life".
Countless tours and publicity all over the world make people
Enjoy it?
I enjoy the tour, but not the publicity.
But it is equally important. In the past 10 years,
We have been through live performances all over the world
Accumulated a group of very loyal and sincere fans.
Every year, the number of our fans grows very much
View. Although it takes a lot of time to do this, it also gives me
We added a lot of fun.
You know there are many "placebos" in China
Fans? They are very obsessed with "placebo"
The violent distortion guitar and your charming voice, even
Even when playing the piano is hot, many fans want to know the invitation,
What do you think of your fans.
Ah, haha, of course I hope so.
"I must wait until Ij comes to Beijing in September to learn about Chinese musicWhat a fan is like, I look forward to it very much.
It’s not just heterosexual people.
Placement", many gays also like you
We, what do you think is the reason that makes "Ann
Does "Placement" attract different fascinating groups?
Great! I think this is great! I think
For our honesty in emotions and the truth in life
Desire to communicate, um, if our music can move people, it must be physically,There are three aspects, both mentally and emotionally.
You are now a father
What kind of impact? The kind of perplexed and perverted Dong
Is Xijijing completely far away from you? Honestly, no. As for myself
Those who are confused and perverse, maybe less
A little bit. But now there is another person
Let me care, need my protection, so that it will not be this
Hurt by a huge bad world.
You have always loved to dress up, you still
Do you love applying black nail polish to yourself?
I have not bought black nail polish for many years
Yes, but I still paint eyeliner and eye shadow. I do Did not try to do anything special through these performances
Communication, in addition to thinking that people should dress up,
Freedom in dress, choice and preference, not affected by
Constrained by any established standard. If hard
If any message is conveyed, it is freedom.
But I do this entirely because I like it,
I think I look great like that, like a
The mentality of a lady with makeup.
How do you think a man should make his evening watch more cultured and tasteful?
I think in the 21st century, men should be free,
Wear what they like and dress up like they like
Huan look. In comparison, women are more
They can wear skirts or they can wear
Pants, they can make up or not,
They can look bright and beautiful, or they can watch
Go up and take control. In the 20th century, men’s
The choice has become so small. Looking back, Louis
France in the fourteenth period, and the restoration period
In Great Britain, men used to love makeup that much,
Their clothes are so gorgeous and they look so good
elegant. So we just trace the roots in history.
The media will use it when evaluating "placebo"
Keep your eyes on such things as "male and female", "gorgeous",
) If you have to symbolize, how can you give yourself
Has it been defined and classified?
A modern rock band. A 21
The modern rock band of the century. Let me show you and all
Some magazine readers confirmed that "placebo" is not
Hermaphrodite, the "placebo" members are all men,
Everyone is.
In addition to work, the three of you often
Play together?
The three of us spend time together
Family and love have more time. So when we
After we got home, we gave all the time
Family material lover, ha ha.
Can you chat online?
No, it never happened. I know net
Some people on the network will call themselves Brian Mok,
Husband
,,’’No~1 million
That would definitely not be me. If you are online
I met someone like that and I visited Brian Mo
But my blog or Myspace, I read my
Diary, you have to believe that it is definitely a lie. I
Will not publish their life information on the Internet,
I am a privacy-conscious person.
What's the story of the performance in China this time
? What are your expectations for the Chinese record market
What?
Just like going to Thailand and Korea, through hosting
Party’s invitation, we’ll come and we know people
We like our music, so we can play for them
We are also very happy to play. As for the record market, I
Really have no idea. I just look forward to acting
I hope to bring an outstanding performance.
Please describe you in one word or sentence
"
3 people.
Just one sentence. Have you seen "Starship Fans
Is this TV show "Star Trek"?
Oh, your country may not broadcast it. Stephen
It's "Mr. Spock" (Mr. Spock)
It’s ‘Dr. McCoy’ and I’m "K
Captain Kirk" (Captain Kirk)
#gonna post sappy nostalgic stuff for my bday lol#sly brian did what to the journalist...#👀#sleep with the elves.... please tell me thats the official chinese album title!#literally the most expensive thing i bought in china lol#placebo#brian molko#steve hewitt#stefan olsdal
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Summary: Jon goes back to before the world ended and tries to forge a different path.
Previous chapter: AO3 // tumblr
Chapter 13 full text & content warnings below the cut.
CWs for Chapter 13: all the usual Buried-related warnings apply (claustrophobia, inability to breathe, etc.); panic/anxiety symptoms; just a smidgen of internalized aphobia; brief mention of past passive suicidal ideation; internalized victim blaming; canon-typical trauma (including discussion of victims targeted by the Fears as children).SPOILERS through S5.
Chapter 13: Center
The darkness and overwhelming pressure of the Buried make it nigh impossible to orient oneself. The only conceivable directions are forward, down, into, deeper. Jon’s only choice, when he has one at all, is to keep moving – and so he does, digging and clawing his way through the muck, making a transient pathway for himself as best he can.
“Daisy?” It comes out as a rasp. He tries to swallow, but succeeds only in upsetting his already-sore throat. It feels as though the dirt and debris have taken up permanent residence there, clogging his airway just enough to leave him chronically short of breath without cutting off his oxygen supply entirely. “Daisy, can you reach me?”
“Jon,” comes the weak reply, “I’m – I don’t know where – I c-can’t – can’t see –”
“I hear you,” Jon says. “I’m here, I’m coming to you. Just – keep talking, and –”
As he talks, he inhales a cloud of dust, dissolving into wracking coughs.
“Jon? Jon, are you still there?” For a long moment, Jon cannot speak. Daisy’s next words are steeped in panic. “Where are you? I can’t… p-please be there, please –”
“I’m still here,” Jon forces out hoarsely, stretching his arm forward as far as it will go. “I’m not going anywhere. Follow my voice, I – I think I’m almost –”
Chill fingertips brush against his, and he throws his weight forward as much as possible. He hooks her fingers in his and pulls, and with a burst of energy he manages to clasp her clammy hand in his.
“There you are,” he says, smiling weakly.
“You’re real,” Daisy says in disbelief, crushing his hand in a bruising grip. “You’re real.”
“I am.” He intertwines their fingers, as grateful as she is for a hand to hold. “I’m here, Daisy.”
“Daisy,” she says dreamily. “Yeah. Daisy. That’s me.” A pause. “Just – just me.”
Jon closes his eyes with a relieved sigh. There are no signs that the Hunt still has its claws in her. He had no reason to think that reaching her a couple weeks earlier than before would change anything, but there was still that nagging doubt.
“J-just me,” she says again, but this time there’s a waver in her voice. “Just – alone –”
“No,” Jon says hurriedly, squeezing her hand several times in quick succession, “not – not alone. Not anymore.”
“Yeah.” She grasps his hand even more tightly, as if to reassure herself.
“I’m here.”
“Yeah,” she says again, and this time it sounds like she’s starting to believe it.
“How – how are you?” Jon cringes. It’s as stupid a question now as it was the last time. Moreso, seeing as he’s already heard the answer. “S-sorry. That’s – probably obvious.”
Daisy answers anyway, likely glad of the chance to talk to someone else after so long in isolation.
“I – I can’t move, can’t breathe, can’t…” She trails off, hesitating. “But it’s… it’s quiet here? I can’t…”
She seems to be struggling to find the words.
“You can’t feel the blood,” he supplies.
“Y-yeah. How did you…”
“I can’t feel the Eye, either. It’s… it’s just me. All me.”
“Where are we?”
“In the Coffin. The Buried. It’s… the powers don’t have much sway within one another’s domains. The Hunt, the Eye – they can’t reach us here.”
“The Hunt,” she echoes.
“Yes. You’re a Hunter.”
“I… I guess I was. But – not here.”
No, not here. But once they leave here…
Stop, he tells himself. One thing at a time. Escape the Buried, then worry about the Hunt.
“Come on.” He tugs on her hand. “Let’s get you out of here.”
“Can’t – can’t move, and – and even if I could, there’s no way out –”
“No, I – I can get us out. I have a plan.”
“Is this like all your other plans?”
Jon chuckles, but it comes out as a wheeze.
“Yes and no. But – but don’t worry, it’s – I can do this. I just – need to – to find it.”
But when he closes his eyes and concentrates, there’s… nothing there.
“Come on,” he says under his breath, keeping his voice deliberately calm. “Come on, where are you?”
There’s nothing there. Why is there nothing there?
“Just need to… need to focus. Just – focus, think of…”
Think of Martin. Martin is your anchor. Clever, brave, loyal, compassionate Martin.
He was kind to you even when you didn’t deserve it; he cared for you even though you did everything you could to push him away. He reached out to you through the Lonely when you were at your most monstrous to remind you of the humanity you’d thought you lost. He made you want to do better, to be the person that he saw when he looked at you.
You followed him into the Lonely because you love him and because he deserved to know it. You need to return to him now, because this version of him doesn’t yet know that he is loved. If you don’t get back to him, if you don’t reach out to him – he’ll get lost, and he –
Jon’s breath hitches. The fear is starting to move in as inexorably as the earth surrounding them, settling cold and heavy in his gut.
Stop that, he tells himself. Just think about Martin, not the worst case scenario.
Everyone underestimates him, because he spent his entire life striving for the perfect balance between useful and unobtrusive. But he’s not helpless; he’s not a pushover. He took master manipulator Jonah Magnus by surprise; he fooled Peter Lukas for months. Sometimes, you think that Martin Blackwood could outmaneuver the Web if he cared to. If anyone could, it would be him. You don’t think you’ll ever fully forgive yourself for taking so long to notice.
No, Jon tells himself once more, recognizing the warning signs of a guilt spiral. That won’t help. Redirect.
In those early days after the ritual, you briefly defaulted to your old habits, withdrawing and shutting him out. He stood up to your brooding, gave your self-loathing no refuge in which to thrive, because he saw right through your sharp tongue to the vulnerable parts of you that it was meant to hide.
He is intuitive, stubborn, and patient in the best of ways.
You have a tendency to stare. You always have; you typically don’t notice you’re doing it. After you became the Archivist, it went from being an awkward habit to evidence of your inhumanity: all eyes, always watching, always demanding more, more, more until every secret is exposed and any semblance of privacy has been demolished.
But it was never just the Eye urging you to record things. You know from experience that nothing lasts forever, that anyone and anything can disappear without a moment’s notice – sometimes leaving no trace, no memory that they ever existed. It only makes sense that you would develop a compulsion to document everything for posterity. The tape recorders were only the most recent manifestation of that preexisting obsession. Before that, you made lists, you took pictures, you wrote on your hands – and, of course, you stared.
During your first few days together at the safehouse, Martin called attention to the staring. You were mortified, launched into a rambling apology – but he shut it down, reassured you that he was only teasing, that he didn’t mind it, that it was… endearing, in a way. And once you were given permission, you began to consciously catalog every little detail.
He has thirty-six freckles on his face, seventeen on his hands, and constellations of them besides: on his back, on his shoulders, on his arms, on his belly. He blushes easily, and you love it, because you’ve never been good at reading body language, and you can always use a hint. His hair is soft, and the way he leans into it when you run your fingers through it – you think he would purr if he could. You were hesitant, at first, to spend too long looking at his eyes – but unlike most people, he showed no signs that he found eye contact with you unsettling.
You gave him permission to stare, too. And he did. He never shied away from your scars. He liked looking at you – and you knew he was genuine when he said so, even though you didn’t understand it.
Martin is self-conscious about his size, painfully aware of how others see him. He rarely stands to his full height, tending to curl his shoulders in, maintain a curve to his spine, keep his arms pulled tight to his body: anything to avoid towering over others, anything to take up as little space as possible. He saw his stretch marks as flaws to be tolerated; spent most of his life assuming that his weight and soft edges made him unattractive.
There are so many things he hates about himself. It broke your heart a little, to see how difficult it was for him to believe that you like looking at him, that your boundaries regarding physical intimacy weren’t a comment on his desirability. (Though he never voiced that last concern, never wanted his own insecurities to make you feel self-conscious about that part of you. Never made you feel guilty or lacking or… or broken.)
You regularly stole his jumpers; the first time you did it, he went speechless and flustered at the casual domesticity of it all. You took turns ambushing one another with affirmations and small acts of affection like that. It became something of a challenge, a game: springing a pet name on one another here, placing a soft kiss on a hand there, delighting in the reactions it got. It’s strange how easily you settled into that routine, how natural it felt to let down your guard.
At night, he would curl around you like he belonged there, like there was no place he’d rather be – and it made you feel like you belong, too. The first time he held you in his arms, you realized that you’d never truly known what it was to feel safe until that moment – and isn’t that its own special kind of vulnerability, isn’t it such a cliché? You still had nightmares, still jolted awake several times throughout the night frantic and disoriented – as did he – but it felt so much more endurable with someone to coax you back to reality.
When you first led him out of the Lonely, it was still clinging to him. He couldn’t understand what you saw in him, any more than you could understand what he saw in you. You made it your mission to make him understand. And eventually, he did. It wasn’t the first time you told him you loved him, but one morning when you said it, he looked at you and his lips parted ever so slightly, and you could practically see the epiphany dawn in his eyes, and he whispered that he believed you.
You still haven’t found a word that accurately describes what you felt then. You kissed him, and hoped that it would say what words could not.
You never gave up on each other, even when you’d given up on your own selves. He never stopped caring for you, even when you were at your most fearsome and fearful. Despite everything, you communicated, you compromised, you comforted one another. You never stopped loving one another.
You lost him once before. You cannot lose him again. You need to find him. Why – why can’t you find him? Why can’t you feel him?
Jon feels his breath quickening, terror needling at the edges of his mind. He jumps slightly when Daisy speaks.
“Jon?”
“It’s – it’s okay,” he says, his voice shaky. “I’ve – I’ve done this once before. I can do this.”
There’s no rule saying he can only have one anchor, right?
He thinks of Georgie.
She took you in when you had nowhere else to go, even though you hadn’t spoken in years, even though you hadn’t parted on the best of terms. Staying with her felt more like home than you’d experienced in… you don’t know how long. It made you realize how much you missed her – her humor, her ingenuity, her confidence, her tenacity, her generosity, and, yes, even her perceptiveness, daunting though it may be at times. She speaks her mind and you can take her at her word. You can appreciate that, as someone who has always had trouble parsing the implicit and unspoken aspects of social life.
You trust her judgment, and she believes in you, and it makes you want to believe in yourself. You want to be there for her in the same way that she’s chosen to be there for you.
He thinks of Melanie.
You disliked one another at first meeting, even though – or perhaps because – you have so much in common. Over the years, you saw more sides to her. She’s brave and resolute, not just when it comes to fighting back, but when it comes to making the conscious decision to heal. She’s capable of kindness to those who are receptive to it. You’ve seen how she is with Georgie, how her hard edges relax, how her devotion is as fierce as her anger can be – perhaps moreso.
You know that she never deserved to suffer like she has. You know she deserves a happy ending. You want to try to reconcile with her. In your future, she went so far as to suggest that you could be friends. You think you would like that.
He thinks of Basira.
She’s had no one but herself to rely on for months. She feels trapped and alone; she hasn’t had a moment to grieve; she’s forced herself to compartmentalize and detach because if she breaks down, she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to put herself back together again. She’s told herself that her own comfort and wellbeing don’t matter. She has a job to do and she’s the only one left who is willing and able to do it. The only solid thing left in her life, the only thing giving her purpose is the mission. The mission is her anchor, because she’s lost everything else.
When she found out that Daisy was alive, she was almost angry with you for making her dare to hope. You promised that you would bring Daisy home to her, and you mean to keep that promise.
And Jon has a job to do, too, doesn’t he?
You need to stop Jonah Magnus, you need to –
His stomach clenches as the dread grips him.
Okay, no. Don’t – don’t think of Jonah. Not helpful, not helpful, not –
He reaches further. He tries to think of Naomi, of the Admiral, of –
The faraway rumbling starts up again.
“Jon,” Daisy says again, urgently, perched on the edge of panic right along with him.
This is forever deep below creation, some self-sabotaging part of his brain reminds him. Where the weight of existence bears down. This is the Buried, and we are alive. There isn’t even an up –
“I just – I just – I just need to calm down,” he stammers. He can feel his pulse beating in his throat; would be hyperventilating if he could breathe at all. “I – I can’t think straight, and I just need to…”
He thinks back to the physical details of the world just outside the Coffin.
The arrangement of the tapes –
…CASE #0160919 sits 34.2 centimeters west of the Coffin, turned at a 45-degree angle. Approximately 20.6 centimeters south-southwest is CASE #0172904; the casing of its recorder is slightly cracked at the lower left corner. 2.4 centimeters to its right is CASE #0171302; the rewind button on the recorder housing it tends to stick…
– on the floor of his office –
…where fingernail scratches are still visible in the northwest corner of the room, left there by Enrique MacMillan on 4 November, 2003, after he gave his statement regarding his encounter with a Buried-touched Leitner…
– and the tape he left on his desk –
…on top of a softcover Moleskine notebook – black, 12.7 by 21 centimeters, ruled – belonging to Martin Blackwood; the Archivist knows every word written thus far on the 68 used out of 192 total pages within…
– and on that tape are pleas that went unanswered for far too long, laced with desperation and grief and rapidly dwindling hope –
…We really need you, Jon. We – I need you …
– but Jon cannot hear it anymore.
His mind wanders to the single folded sheet of paper tucked away in the top drawer of his desk. A second message for Martin, to be read only in the event that Jon doesn’t return. A transcript, to be precise.
On their way to the Panopticon, they had been separated when they traversed the Lonely’s domain. Jon had searched frantically, resisting the urge to simply Know because he had promised. As much as he wanted to, he didn’t feel right forcing Martin to See him the way he did before. It was Martin’s domain, and he had the right to decide for himself whether to leave it behind. Even if Jon had wanted to, though, he suspected that he wouldn’t have been able to actually find Martin this time unless he wanted to be found. And in the end, he did.
Just before Jon found him, he managed to catch the tail end of Martin’s statement. Naturally, the Archive memorized every word and dutifully filed it away without any conscious effort or consent on Jon’s part.
…I am Martin Blackwood, and I am not Lonely anymore; I am not Lonely anymore. I want to have friends. I – no, I have friends. I’m in love. I am in love, and I will not forget that; I will not forget…
Before he entered the Coffin, Jon copied it down and left it behind. Just in case. Just in case something goes wrong. If he goes missing in action for too long, he trusts that eventually someone will clear out his desk, find it, and hopefully pass it along to its intended recipient.
It was a last-ditch effort to impart the truth: that a future exists wherein Martin isn’t Lonely; that he can be and is and deserves to be cared for; that it isn’t just an unattainable fantasy. And, most importantly, Jon is not the only one who can provide that, nor is Jon alone enough to fulfill that need. In the end, Martin chose to turn his back on the Lonely. He can do it again.
There’s every chance that it was a meaningless gesture, but Jon doesn’t think he could live with himself if he didn’t at least try – and if he does get lost down here, he’ll be forced to live with himself for as long as the Buried itself exists.
But Jon doesn’t want to leave Martin alone with that inexplicable scrap of statement, hoping that it’s enough to get the point across. Jon has to get home. He has to; there’s no other choice –
“Jon?” Daisy says again. “You sound like you’re… what – what’s wrong?”
“Sorry, I’m – I’m just… I can’t – I can’t feel my anchor.”
“Anchor?”
“Y-yeah. Something to ground me, help me feel the way out. It’s – there’s a void where it should be, and…” His short exhale shudders on the way out. “I think – I think we might be here for awhile longer.”
“N-not alone, though,” Daisy says, almost questioningly.
“No. No, not alone. And – and I can still get us out, I think,” he adds hurriedly. “I just – I need to… I need to come down from the panic, and it’s hard to do that when I can’t – I can’t breathe –“
His breath catches and he closes his eyes. Stop, he tells himself, you’re – you’re spiraling, talking yourself into a panic. Just… listen – listen to the quiet.
“Jon?”
“Still – still here,” he says, squeezing her hand again. “I’m not going anywhere without you, I promise.”
“Do you – if you need a break from – from whatever you’re doing…” She falters for a moment before blurting out: “C-can we… can we talk? I haven’t – I just want someone to hear me.”
“Of course. I’m listening.” When Daisy doesn’t reply, he offers a gentle prompting. “Daisy?”
“I’m – it’s difficult. I can’t find the words.”
“Would it help if I… ask?” The last time, it did help her get her thoughts out.
“Y-yeah,” she says with only a slight delay. “Do your… thing.”
“Right,” he says. For a moment, he worries that he’ll have difficulty concentrating long enough to compel an answer, but his mind clears almost as soon as he opens his mouth. Of course. “How are you feeling?”
The question buzzes like static on his tongue on its way out.
“S-scared. I – I’m – I’m s-scared…”
Daisy’s words do not deviate from the last time he was here, but he does not interrupt her as she speaks. He latches onto her voice, focuses all of his attention on her story, and tries to ground himself in the present.
“Y-you know what I thought, when I woke up here? I thought this was hell. I – I was dead, and I was in hell. And I - I knew I deserved it.” Daisy stifles a sob as she nears the end of her statement. “I don’t want t-to b-be a s-sadistic predator again. I – I don’t want to hobble around like some – pathetic wounded prey here. I don’t know which would be worse. But I’m scared now – that I won’t ever get the choice.”
One thing I’ve learned, Daisy, is that we all get a choice, he told her last time. Even if it doesn’t feel like one.
Now, though, he’s not so sure. Or, rather, now he thinks it isn’t quite that simple.
“It’s… complicated,” Jon starts slowly. “Choice, I mean. We all have choices, but – but when all the alternatives are unendurable, or impossible to achieve, or – or even conceptualize, then… well, it’s not a fair choice, is it? Sometimes because that’s just – how it is, and sometimes by design. There – there are people, and – and things out there that will abuse their power to deceive you, keep you ignorant about things that would affect your decisions. Or – or convince you that you have no options, no autonomy – or even that you can’t trust your own judgment, your own senses. Some choices can hardly be called choices at all.”
He begins to grind his teeth as he considers his next words, but stops as soon as he feels the grit between his molars when he bites down. There are a lot of things to hate about the Buried, but its refusal to allow him to engage in any of his usual nervous habits definitely adds insult to injury.
“You say you deserve to be here, but – do you think you deserved to be marked by the Hunt in the first place? Because one thing I’ve learned is… most people who become Avatars – we don't necessarily do anything to deserve the attention of the things that take notice of us. To be put in these positions, to be given impossible choices about – about things we have no right to decide in the first place.”
“What do you mean?”
“It seems that a common thread is… well, um, I think Tim hit the nail on the head, actually? In his testament before the Unknowing, he – he said, ‘The only thing you need to have your life destroyed by this stuff is just bad luck. Talk to the wrong person, take the wrong train, open the wrong door, and that’s it.’”
“You remember that verbatim?”
“It’s – it’s an Archivist thing.” Well, technically. Jon can’t access the Archive right now, but some statements have looped so many times in his head that he has every word memorized by now. “But the point is that our transgressions, they… the punishment often doesn’t seem to fit the crime.”
Daisy is quiet, so Jon continues.
“Uh, Jane Prentiss, for instance – stumbled upon a wasps’ nest in her attic, and then the Corruption infested her. In her original statement, she was afraid of what was happening to her, she was asking for help, but it… it was slowly hollowing her out. Appealed to her insecurities, whispered to her that it was the only thing that could love her, that wouldn’t abandon her. Maybe eventually she embraced it on her own, but at that point, how much of her was left to make that choice?
“And – and Michael Crew. He was struck by lightning when he was eight. The Spiral never stopped stalking him after that. He spent his childhood in fear, obsessively sought out information about – lightning, and fractals, because understanding it felt like the only way to resist a thing that feeds on uncertainty.”
Jon can relate to that, can’t he? He was always curious, but his desire to know and understand things became more obsessive after he encountered his first monster – as if he could solve any problem if only he learned enough about it. But it was never enough, and that impulse never actually kept him safe. It only offered him a flimsy illusion of control, which was something he desperately needed after the Web showed him what it was like to have none. Still, an ineffective coping mechanism was better than not coping at all – or so he told himself then.
“When Mike realized that there was no escape from the supernatural once he’d been marked by it,” Jon continues, “he decided that the next best thing was choosing which Fear to submit to – to serve. Obsessively sought out Leitners until he found the Vast, and… it offered him safety. The most basic of human needs, something he hadn’t known since he was a child. The things he did to feed his patron were – indefensible, but I can’t help thinking about the person he might have been, if the Spiral hadn’t come into his life. He… he was only eight. How is a child supposed to process something that even an adult would have trouble coping with? I’m sure many children don’t even physically survive an encounter with one of the Fears, but even those that do… they never actually escape, do they?”
Daisy makes an indistinct little noise in her throat. Jon can’t Know for certain, but he imagines she’s thinking of her own first encounter with the Hunt. When enough time has passed that she doesn’t seem ready to say as much, Jon continues.
“And there’s – there’s Oliver Banks, he’s an Avatar of the End. He just started having dreams one day, became a death prophet. As far as I can tell, nothing provoked it. It just… happened. And early on, he tried to use that ability to help people, but… the powers granted us as Avatars, they aren’t for helping or saving anyone. When you realize that, after a long string of failures, you start to become… despondent – numb, even. Maybe some misstep along the way piqued the End’s interest in him, or maybe it was completely arbitrary. I don’t know. I don’t know that Oliver does, either.”
It’s difficult to speak at length here, and Jon’s speech is punctuated by frequent gasps and stops and starts, but he plows ahead. Granted, he’s always had a tendency toward intense, rapidfire speech whenever he gets invested in a topic of interest, but it’s also that he needs to cover as much ground as he can as quickly as possible. There’s no telling when the Buried will constrict again. Sometimes there are long intervals of relative peace; other times, the bouts of crushing pressure come one after the other in a barrage. The inconsistency makes the dread all the more potent: you can never predict when the walls will close in.
“And Helen,” he says, moving right along, “before she became the Distortion, she opened a door. That’s all. Most people would have probably done the same. A door that wasn’t there before, that can’t be there – of course the human mind wants to test its perceptions, make sense of the discrepancy. Which is exactly what the Distortion preys on. It let her escape its corridors, because it would make the fear that much more potent when it came for her again, when she realized that it had never actually let her go, that there was never any way to escape. It was… it was just playing with its food.”
Like with Benjamin Hatendi, Jon thinks. ‘The blanket never did anything.’
The Fears are never merciful. For an earthly predatory animal, the pain and fear of the prey are only relevant insofar as their utility in capturing it. Granted, the majority of animals may have no qualms about eating their prey alive so long as it’s incapacitated, no concept of putting their food out of its misery – but still, sustenance isn’t derived from the experience of the prey, only from its organic matter.
For the Powers, though… terror is the food source. If anything, the misery is deliberately drawn out. The suffering is primary to the meal.
“I still don’t know how much of Helen Richardson was left by the time she embraced her new existence and began feeding” – by the time she chose to stop feeling guilty, Jon notes privately – “but she never asked to be in that position to begin with. She just… opened a door.
“And you… all you did was trespass on a childhood dare, right? You and Calvin Benchley. I did hear the tape – of your interrogation with Elias. Maybe the Hunt chose the both of you, was deliberately waiting for you there. Or maybe you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Either way, you… you did something that most children do at one point or another, exploring out bounds – I did plenty of that myself. And – and you’d done the same thing many times in the past, there was no reason to think that things would go any differently. But that time, that time you stumbled into something that most children – most people never do.”
Jon debates whether or not to share his own initiation into this world. He never told Daisy about it last time, but he knows – and Knows – about her childhood encounter. It seems only fair to include his own.
“Actually, I… I had a similar experience, when I was eight,” he admits, pushing through his habitual reservations. “Unlike Michael Crew, though, I was an active participant in my own fate. There’s no dodging a lightning strike, but me – I… I opened a book I shouldn’t have, knocked on a door I shouldn’t have. I could’ve just… not.”
“That’s a funny double standard,” Daisy says flatly.
“P-pardon?”
“Couldn’t you just as easily say that Crew could have chosen to not stand outside during a lightning storm?”
“He – he actually wanted to go inside, but his friend pressured him to keep playing,” Jon says, almost defensively. “By the time they decided to go in, it was too late.”
“Like I pressured Calvin.”
“That’s –” Jon gives an agitated little exhale. “It’s still different.”
“How?”
“Did you have a bad feeling about the dare, or was it just like any other day? You had no reason to think that things would go wrong. I… I knew that book was wrong, and I opened it anyway.” Daisy scoffs. “What?”
“Has anyone ever pointed out to you that you’re capable of some truly infuriating mental gymnastics?”
Jon puffs out another exasperated breath before muttering, “Yes.”
In fact, she said almost the exact same thing to him the last time around. And Georgie – she used to say so all the time, especially when they were dating.
“You always do this,” she’d pointed out once during an argument, hands on her hips and a shrewd look in her eye. “Any time a conversation gets a little too uncomfortable for you, you just – throw your hands up, say it’s your fault and shut down, and nothing ever gets resolved. Why are you so eager to take the blame for things? Is it that it’s better than admitting there are some things you can’t control, or is it just easier than actually talking about your feelings?”
The answer was yes on both counts, and he had been angry with her for putting it into words. He’d already known on some level, but he studiously avoided that sort of introspection. Now that it had been verbalized, the knowledge would always be there, floating around in his mind – yet another thing to overanalyze, to obsess over, to ambush him in moments of doubt.
Since then he’s gotten better at communicating in healthy ways, but the self-blame thing… well, Martin still had to periodically call him out on it, right up until the end. It became a common refrain: “It’s still victim blaming even if you’re the victim, Jon.” The reminder did help – at least some of the time – but it wasn’t enough to undo a worldview that he’d spent his entire life internalizing.
“Y-yes,” he says again, less sullenly now, “I – I see your point.”
“Good. So – evil book?”
“A Leitner, yes. The Web.” Jon has no desire to go into all the gruesome details, not when he’s – when they’re both already being suffocated by fear. “And I only escaped through… I don’t know, some combination of mundane human cruelty and luck – or… or someone else’s misfortune, more like.” He gives a tired sigh. “Or it could have been deliberate interference by the Web, taking someone else in my place because it had other plans for me. I’ll never know the exact reason why. If there even is a reason.”
He pauses, expecting the Beholding’s characteristic objection to the idea that he should accept not knowing anything, before remembering with grim satisfaction that the Eye can’t reach him here. Nor can the Web, for that matter. A small mercy, but he’ll take it.
“But the experience led to an obsession with the supernatural. I suppose I thought that if – if I could just understand it, I could conquer the fear. It didn’t work, but an obsession like that – it persists regardless of whether it’s successful or productive or – or healthy. Eventually it led me to the Institute. Which led me… here, ultimately.” He bites his lower lip as he considers his next words. “I’m sure many of my choices along the way were mine alone, and – and I’m responsible for my actions regardless. But that first domino… it was just a restless child ignoring gut instinct, all because he needed to know.”
“Jon,” Daisy says, the hint of a warning growl underlying her tone.
“I – okay, yes, I know, I know. Double standards.” He takes a shallow breath before continuing. “My point is, most of us are just… unlucky isn’t the right word, but it’s as close as I can get. Sometimes the Fears seem to seek out victims who are already uniquely susceptible to them – people with phobias, or specific traumas. Other times it seems… arbitrary. And sometimes it seems like the difference between an average victim and those who eventually become Avatars is… compatibility, or – or in some cases, a sense of kinship, even.
“I’ve always been too curious for my own good, a natural fit for the Beholding. Jane talked about being seen as toxic, and it was the Corruption that found her. Annabelle Cane said she was well-versed in manipulation as a young child, the sort of gift that the Web favors. Jared Hopworth always had a sadistic streak, but the difference between him and any other bully is that he found The Boneturner's Tale. I… don’t really know what to make of Jude Perry. The way she told it, she always had the disposition for the Desolation. She would likely have been a nightmare with or without supernatural help, but there are plenty of people like that in the world. She just happened to be one of the few who caught the attention of the Lightless Flame.
“But – but I also don’t think preexisting compatibility is a requirement to be an Avatar. Some people really do just – stumble into it, probably. Grow into it, maybe, after enough exposure. Especially if the same Power keeps coming back.”
Jon can’t help thinking of the Distortion and its tendency to dog its victims for years. Helen said once that she couldn’t just force her victims into her corridors, that they had to open the door on their own. But that was a lie, wasn’t it? Marcus MacKenzie refused to open the door every single time it appeared throughout his childhood and young adulthood. It started to take increasingly drastic measures: disguising itself as other things, at one point even opening up in the ground in front of him, hoping he wouldn’t notice until he already stepped over the ledge and gravity did its work. When that didn’t work, it took his father. And then, even after evading it for decades, Helen eventually took Marcus anyway. Choice didn’t come into it. It didn't matter how many times he walked away – it followed him wherever he went.
“Either way,” Jon continues, “whether it’s part of some grand plan or just happenstance, the Avatars… we catch the attention of something predatory, and it sinks its hooks into the vulnerabilities it finds. There are plenty of other people in the world who may have the same… flaws, or inclinations, or experiences, but most are lucky enough not to be drawn into this world. I’m not sure exactly what determines who is, but I don’t think it comes down to fairness, or deservedness, or – or some sort of cosmic punishment. I – I don’t think the universe works that way.
“And – and after we’ve been marked, maybe we can make choices along the way. But as far as I can tell, none of those choices ever lead to complete freedom from the Powers that lay claim to us. We’re still accountable for our actions; we can fight back, we can resist – but we’ll always be struggling against our natures. Sometimes it seems like there’s… there’s really no choice we can make where things actually turn out okay. Doesn’t mean we stop trying, or give up hope, but…” He pauses to gnaw on the inside of his cheek for a few seconds. “It can be hard to ignore the fear when it’s become such an intrinsic part of you, is all. When it makes its hunger your own, and hollows you out if you don’t feed it. It can make the concept of choice seem… empty.”
When he trails off, Daisy blows out a forceful exhale.
“That was… a lot.”
“Surprised the Buried let me get it all out,” Jon says, a bit sheepishly. “Sorry, I’ve… had a lot of time alone to ruminate.”
“I think I can rela-”
Daisy’s words are cut short when all at once the earth crashes down around them with a vengeance, as if exacting payment for the courtesy of staying its hand for so long. An indeterminate amount of time passes, weight pressing down on them from all sides, leaving no room for breath or words or thought. Jon focuses on their hands, still linked tightly together, the only anchor to be found here in the dark.
Eventually, the walls begin to withdraw in tiny increments. The sinister, sibilant shifting of soil is a constant, unknown variable – it sounds the same whether the earth is compacting or moving away, and often there is no way to tell until it’s already too close and pressing down. Jon can feel his pulse hammering in his throat, can hear Daisy’s gasping breaths overlapping his own.
“I was gonna kill you,” she blurts out eventually, breathless and rushed. “You know that?”
“Yes.”
“I – I don’t just mean that day in the woods,” she clarifies. “Af-after the mission, I was planning on killing you.”
“I know. You – you realized I wasn’t human. That I needed to die.”
“H-how did you –”
“I’ve been here once before. And – and I should apologize for the dreams, I –”
“Jon –”
“I know it’s not an excuse, but I never meant to compel you that time – didn’t even realize at the time that that was something I could do, and –”
“Jon –”
“I didn’t realize then that the dreams were real, and – and when I finally did, I still didn’t have any control over them, but I –”
“Jon! Shut up a minute.”
His mouth snaps shut a little too quickly and he winces as he bites down on the tip of his tongue. The metallic taste of blood just barely registers on his tongue in the few seconds it takes for the cut to heal.
“Just – back up,” Daisy says, toning down the intensity this time. “That thing you said about… you’ve ‘been here once before’? What is that supposed to mean?”
“It’s… a long story. And difficult to believe.”
“Well, it’s –” Daisy huffs. “It’s not like we don’t have the time?”
“I suppose,” Jon sighs. He’s already told this story to the tape recorder at length, but… the idea of telling it to another person, in his own words this time, feels both terrifying and cathartic at the same time. It’s just – difficult to talk about, no matter how many times he recaps it. “Where to begin… oh, I should probably preface this with ‘time travel is real.’”
Daisy sounds far too nonchalant when she says, “Okay.”
“O-okay? That’s… that’s it?”
“Sorry if it’s not the dramatic response you expected. Encounter enough – vampires, and people made of sawdust, and – and this, here, and… I don’t know that anything would surprise me anymore.”
“R-right,” Jon replies, still a bit incredulous. “Well, I’m – I’m from the future.” He pauses again, but she doesn’t interject. “And… and I came back to stop the apocalypse.”
His inflection pitches up into a near-question on the last word, certain that this will be the point at which Daisy calls bullshit. Instead, she just gives a dry chuckle.
“And how’s that going for you?”
“Well, uh, actually…” Jon’s laugh manages to sound slightly hysterical despite its brevity. “Being stuck here actually does – put it on hold indefinitely?”
“H-how’s that?”
“Because – because it can’t go forward without the Archivist.” He takes a shallow breath. “Just like the Stranger has the Unknowing, the Eye has its own Ritual. I was – I am a part of it. I – I didn’t want to, Elias – he orchestrated the whole thing, f-forced me to –” He nearly bites his tongue again when he cuts himself off. “But that – that doesn’t change anything,” he continues, almost viciously. “I’m the one who opened the door. It wouldn’t have happened if not for me, s-so it’s as good as my fault.”
“Don’t know about that,” Daisy says.
“What?”
“Don’t think I can see you making a choice to end the world, if you had any say. Doesn’t sound like you. You – Jon, you just went on about having choices taken away.” Jon is silent, teeth clenched; Daisy jostles his hand insistently. “So – so how’d it actually happen?”
“I, ah…” Why is this still so hard to talk about? “So you know how I – I… need the statements?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I – it – my appetite only got worse as time went on. Started craving live statements, and – and hunted for them. The others intervened eventually, and I stopped, but I still needed – need – statements, or else I’d… starve, for lack of a better word. So I made do with the old statements like before, but they were – less and less filling as time went on, and – and I needed more of them, and more frequently, even though I tried to – to spread them out, ration myself. And, uh, some things happened, and Martin and I went into hiding – used your safehouse, actually –”
“Which one?”
“Scotland.”
“Ah,” Daisy says softly. “I like that one.”
“So did we,” Jon says, smiling fondly. “I – we only had a couple weeks, before… b-but the time we did have, it was…”
He clears his throat.
“An-anyway, I went – hungry, for a bit, until a box of statements could be sent to us. And the first one I read, it was – a trap, by J- Elias.” He can explain about Jonah Magnus later. If he takes that detour now, he’ll never get through the rest of this. “The heading looked – just like any other statement. Statement giver’s name, date – but as soon as I started reading, it was Elias’ words. It was a, uh, statement about – about me. About what I am. I’m not just the Archivist, Daisy, I’m the Archive.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I – when I take or – or consume a statement, I, ah – experience it like I’m there, and it – it becomes a part of me. I’m like a – like a living record, a library of – of people’s worst fears, nightmares, moments that I have no right to witness, and – doesn’t matter. Elias needed a fully realized Archive for his ritual to work, so he – he created one, and he fed it a statement. And I – I tried to stop reading, but I couldn’t, even though I – I tried, I really did, I –” He laughs nervously. “Even tried to – to blind myself, but it just – healed. Then, at the end, there was an – an incantation. To open a door that could let all the Fears into the world. And when I read it… it did.”
“Wait – all of them?”
“Yes,” Jon says quietly. “Just before she died, Gertrude figured out that a ritual to bring one of the Fears into the world could never succeed on its own. The Powers can’t exist without minds to experience them, and our minds – they’re highly associative. The experience of fear is just… far more convoluted and subjective than any artificial taxonomy can capture. The Fears have overlap, and – and some of them are defined by their opposition to the others.
“A Vast ritual would collapse without the existence of the Buried, for instance. Or – the Stranger and the Spiral, they’re both tied to unreality, to not being able to trust your perceptions – which can feed into paranoia, which the Eye and the Web also thrive on. The Hunt and the Slaughter run together, and the Flesh can tag alongside. Both the Corruption and the Desolation are equally efficient and thorough in ravaging a home or a body or – or even the general concept of safety.
“Even here – we’re too far deep below creation for the Eye or the Hunt to reach us, but there’s still more than the Buried to fear. The Dark, for instance, or being Forsaken. Even the Vast can be found down here, if you start obsessing over your own insignificance in the grand scheme of the universe. The Powers are just – too interconnected, and their rituals never accounted for that.”
“So the Unknowing…”
“Would have failed even without our intervention,” Jon says bitterly. “Same goes for all of the rituals that Gertrude stopped, and all the others that have been sabotaged throughout the centuries. All of that sacrifice, and for nothing. Michael Shelley, and Jan Kilbride, and – and Tim, and you ending up here –”
“Tim?”
“He… he died during the mission,” Jon says quietly. He hears a sharp intake of breath from Daisy.
“And Basira?”
“Alive. She got out before the explosion.” He can just barely make out Daisy’s sigh of relief. “She… she told me to tell you that she’s waiting for you.”
“Oh,” Daisy says softly. “I’m s-”
Before she can say more, the Buried begins to writhe around them again, this time closing in molasses-slow. They both instinctively tighten their handhold on one another. As horrid as the crushing force is, this time it at least has the decency to press them closer together. Daisy’s free hand tentatively brushes against Jon’s free wrist. Understanding the unspoken request, Jon interlocks their fingers, and they wait.
“S-so,” Daisy wheezes when the earth finally relaxes and settles again, “about – about the rituals?”
“R-right.” Jon coughs lightly, still catching his breath. “Well, ah, Elias found out about Gertrude’s theory. Came up with a – ritual that would bring all the Powers through at once, but with the Eye ruling over the rest. It required an Archivist – Archive – directly marked by all the Powers. Elias – chose me. Made sure I’d encounter each of them, and… when I was ready, he laid one last trap and waited for me to wander in, because he knew from experience that I would.”
And it could happen again, Jon’s brain helpfully supplies.
“Huh.”
“Yeah. S-so it probably goes without saying, but if you thought I wasn’t human before, I, ah…” He gives an exhausted, humorless chuckle. “I’m definitely not now.”
Daisy is silent for a long moment before saying: “I take it you – you didn’t come here the first time.”
That wasn’t the comment that Jon had been expecting.
“No, I did.”
“Then… how –”
“I told you, there’s a way out. I just – I just have to find it. Last time I found you, and we escaped together. We can do it again.” She doesn’t respond to that, and he kneads the tops of her hands with his thumbs. “Daisy?”
“You’ve been here once before, and you escaped, and… and you came back?” She says it in such a small voice, it almost doesn’t even sound like her. “After – after seeing what it’s like, you still came back for me?”
“Yes…?”
“Why?” she whispers. “Why do that for me? I – I had a knife to your throat, I would’ve killed you if Basira hadn’t found us first, I saw the fear in your eyes and I enjoyed it – and you knew that I’d still planned on killing you the moment I got a chance, so – so why?”
“We’re –” Jon stops himself, rephrases. “In my future, we became friends.”
“What?”
“W-well, we – we were both Avatars trying to resist our darker natures. We went through this together. We just – we had a lot in common.”
Daisy offers no comment.
“I… don’t know what I would have done without you, honestly,” Jon continues, jiggling one foot nervously as best he can in the confined space. “You were… you were the only one I had, most days. The only one who knew what it was like, having the hunger consume you because you refuse to feed it. And – and you had Basira, but she… there were things she didn’t fully understand, couldn’t relate to. So you would come to me. We, uh… we helped each other. Trusted each other.” He adds, a bit timidly: “I… I’ve missed you.”
Still, Daisy says nothing. Jon is about to start rambling again – about what, he doesn’t know; he just needs to fill the awkward silence somehow – but Daisy speaks first.
“But – but what about before all that? Why did you come down here the first time around?”
“I was… in a bad place,” Jon admits. “Tim was dead, Sasha was dead, Melanie hated me, Basira saw me as a monster, Georgie wanted nothing to do with me, and Martin was… gone. I had no one, I wasn’t human anymore, I was afraid and ashamed and guilty and tired, and I… I was starting to doubt my decision to live. Not wanting to die had started to feel selfish, and I – I needed some way to justify living, some way to make myself useful.
“When we found out that you were alive, I – I just didn’t want to lose anyone else. If there was a chance of bringing you home, I had to try. And… there was nothing to lose. If I got stuck down here, it – it would be no great loss. The world would have even been safer for it – moreso than I even imagined at the time. I… honestly didn’t think that anyone would care if I didn’t come back.”
“That’s messed up,” Daisy says, a hint of wry amusement in her voice.
“Yeah,” Jon says with a self-deprecating laugh. “That’s what you said last time. Like I said, I was in a bad place. But – but in the end, we got out. I know I can get us out of here again. I promised Basira I would bring you home, and I – I – I will. I just… I need some time to find the way.”
“No pressure,” she deadpans.
Jon makes a strangled, exasperated noise in his throat.
“Seriously?”
If he could gesture at the tons of dirt pressing down on them, he would – but he can’t, because of the tons of dirt pressing down on them.
“Just trying to lighten the mood,” Daisy says, just the slightest hint of a self-satisfied smirk in her voice. Jon feels one corner of his mouth quirk in spite of himself.
God, he really had missed her.
The concept of time has no meaning within the Buried. Without any real way to observe or calculate its passing, things tend to feel stagnant. One long note of boredom and desperation and restriction. If not for the unpredictable tides of the soil around them, it might even feel as if time is at a standstill. In a way, it is: there is only one time here, and it is forever – or until the End of everything, at least. To make things worse, true sleep is impossible in the Buried. Sometimes, though, there is a lull in the movements of the earth, and within that liminal space, the mind may be allowed to drift.
Jon isn’t sure how long he’s been drifting when Daisy tugs on his hand.
“Jon.”
“Hm?”
“You’re muttering again.”
“Oh.” Jon clears his throat when he realizes how groggy he sounds. “Was I?”
“Care to share?”
“I’m just – I keep thinking about how Basira escaped the Unknowing,” he says, rousing himself. Out of habit, he tries to stretch, only to remember that he can barely move at all – which, of course, only intensifies the urge to fidget.
“Oh?” Daisy shakes both his hands in hers, prompting him to continue. Judging by the waver in her voice, the silence must be getting to her again. “How – how’s that?”
“She… thought her way out. Like a – an ‘I think therefore I am’ thought experiment.” Jon smiles to himself and shakes his head slightly. “She put Descartes to shame.”
“Not even a fair comparison,” Daisy scoffs.
“Agreed.”
“Were you thinking of trying that here?”
“I… don’t think it would work.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re not that level-headed.”
“That’s –” Jon’s indignation fizzles out just as quickly as it emerged. “That’s… okay, yes, that’s fair.”
Daisy snickers; Jon can’t help a small grin in return.
“But what I was actually trying to say is that it was a strategy uniquely tailored to the Stranger. The Unknowing was all about – unreality, about not being able to trust your senses, even your own identity. Basira figured out that the best way to anchor herself in that situation was to boil her entire reality down to simple logical premises: She existed. She existed in a place and time. The place was dangerous at that time, so she had to not exist in that place at that time. Places have ends, and if she kept moving, she could reach a different place.”
“Huh.”
“Straightforward. Elegant, even.”
“It’s Basira,” Daisy says, unmistakable fondness creeping into her tone. Jon snorts. “Shut up, Sims. You were saying?”
“The Buried doesn’t operate in the same way. Basira reasoned her way out of the Stranger’s domain by denying unreality. If we tried to do the same thing, we’d just be denying… well, reality. The earth, the pressure, the – the ‘too close I cannot breathe,’ it’s all real.”
“Good pep talk.”
“Sorry, that’s not what I –” Jon sighs. “I didn’t mean to sound… morose. I was just thinking about different kinds of anchors. Basira managed to center herself and use her own mind as an anchor, and I – I find that impressive, is all.”
“That’s one way to describe her,” Daisy says. “She’s… always been like that. Practical, reliable… centered.”
Wait, Jon thinks to himself, brow furrowed. What if…
“Daisy, tell me about Basira.”
“What?”
“I – she’s your anchor, right? And – and you’re hers.”
“I don’t know about –”
“She called you solid, a – a – a fixed point,” Jon says excitedly. “When you’re there, things make sense to her. You ground her. And now, without you, she’s… she has trouble knowing where she stands. She has no backup, no one to orient her. What she did during the Unknowing – it was impressive, but it isn’t sustainable over a long period of time. You can only go it alone for so long before you lose your bearings. She – she needs you. And you need her. Right?”
“She’s the fixed point,” Daisy murmurs, as if that explains everything – and maybe it does.
“Exactly, s-so – tell me about Basira. From your perspective.”
“Why?”
“Because this is the Buried, where we’re at the center and everything is weighing down on us,” Jon says, mind racing five steps ahead of him. “The dirt, the pressure, it’s all real, but – but the Fears are also about state of mind.”
Jon can feel his heart rate pick up, the way it does whenever he’s talking his way through a puzzle. If he could, he would be pacing right now, burning off that restless energy. Instead, he finds himself tapping his fingers rapidly against Daisy’s hands. She doesn’t stop him, though.
“I’m not saying that we can solve this with ‘mind over matter’ thinking, but it might – help, if we can both focus on an anchor – a different center point, that is, one outside of this place. Move from this center to that center. There’s a better chance of figuring out which way is up if we’re both feeling for the way out. We can orient each other. If we both feel a tug from the same direction, we know we’re going the right way.”
“I can’t feel anything, though,” Daisy says. “Or – I can, but it’s – it’s everywhere, pushing in one direction – pushing down –”
Jon grips her hands more tightly when he hears her breathing start to grow ragged.
“That’s why you need to tell me about Basira – until you do feel a pull. I could be way off, but it’s worth a try. And – and if nothing else, it might help clear my mind, so I can give finding the way out another shot.”
“A statement, then?” Daisy asks sardonically. “Recharge your battery?”
“I wish,” Jon says with a grim smile. “The Eye only likes horror stories. If any story would sate my appetite, I could just watch biopics any time I was feeling a bit peaky. Hell, imagine if a fictional story was enough. An episode of the Archers would be like an afternoon snack.”
“You like the Archers?” He doesn’t have to see her to know that her eyebrows are raised as high as they’ll go.
“You know, I said the exact same thing to you once. And no, I don’t, but you do, and you used to make me listen with you. We didn’t even make a dent in the back catalogue, but I’m an Avatar of terrible knowledge and the Beholding loves spoilers, so guess who Knows every episode now?” Daisy barks a laugh at that. “There are over nineteen thousand episodes, Daisy!”
“That sounds like a you problem.”
“Anyway,” Jon says, squeezing both of her hands in lieu of nudging her shoulder, “a story just… helps take me out of my own head sometimes. Always has. You’re humoring me, not the Eye. Besides, do you have anything better to do?”
“S’pose not.”
“I mean – you don’t have to, of course, if you’re uncomfortable. I don’t want to pressure you –” Jon cringes. “Bad choice of words. I –”
“Stop babbling, Sims.” He knows that tone of voice, knows that she’s rolling her eyes right now. “We only have so long before the walls close in again –”
Daisy cuts herself off with a strangled noise, which she tries to cover by clearing her throat. She was likely trying to lighten the mood again, but the inevitability of the Buried’s ebb and flow is still too real, too close.
“Do you, uh… do you want to hear a story or not?”
“Please.”
“Back again?”
Martin jolts at the sound of Georgie’s voice. He tosses a brief glare over his shoulder at her where she stands just outside the doorway to the office, a safe distance from the Coffin. Martin discovered quickly that the Coffin’s compulsion has no impact on him, likely muffled by his allegiance to the Lonely. Georgie, though, has no such protection.
Coincidentally, it also means that as long as Martin keeps close to the Coffin, Georgie has to keep her distance from him as well.
“It’s been a week,” Martin says in a quiet monotone, tearing his gaze away from her.
“Yeah.”
“He should have been back by now.”
“Well, he didn’t really give a timeframe –”
“But you said he implied that it wouldn’t take more than a week,” Martin says impatiently. “And knowing Jon, he exaggerated how long it would take, just so no one would worry if he was late.”
“I… yeah, I know,” Georgie sighs. “I was expecting him to be back by now, too.”
Martin nods in a clear ‘I told you so’ gesture – then immediately feels childish. Why is he acting vindicated by her admission?
“Does Peter know you’ve been coming down here?”
“Don’t care.”
“Oh?” Georgie says, her voice suspiciously bland – and only then does Martin register the significance of what he just said.
“I just meant – it’s –” Martin huffs. “It’s none of your business.”
“Of course.” Martin can hear the smirk in her tone.
“Why are you here?” he snaps, swiveling to look at her again.
“Same reason you are, I expect.”
Martin says nothing to that, simply turns his back on her. For a few minutes, the only sound is the low, indistinct chatter of the tape recorders, still spooling out their horror stories on a loop.
“Have you tried calling to him?” Georgie asks. Martin continues to ignore her, teeth clenched until they ache. “It could be worth a shot. He left all those tapes running – don’t know if he can hear them exactly, but they’re meant to call to him.”
Go away, Martin thinks, his hands curling into fists on his knees.
“Your voice might be better than a recording.”
Why is she so persistent?
“Just – think about it, okay?”
When Martin doesn’t respond, Georgie sighs, knocks twice on the door frame, and takes her leave. He doesn’t look back around until the sound of her footsteps fade away.
“Sure, just leave the door wide open,” he grumbles irritably, rising to his feet to remedy the issue.
He pulls the office door shut with more force than intended, practically slamming it. The lone tape recorder on Jon’s desk, previously standing on end, topples over with a light clatter. Martin exhales heavily and pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to suppress the static buzz of nervous energy simmering inside him.
“But we need you, Jon,” the tape recorder grinds out. “Jon, please, just – please.”
“Fuck,” Martin says, voice thick and strained. He takes several deep breaths – in through his nose, out through his mouth – trying to clear his thoughts. Eventually, his shoulders slump and he sighs. “Fine. You win.”
He settles himself on the floor in front of the Coffin again, closer this time.
“Jon,” he says, then falters, unsure of what to say. “I –” He lets out an agitated breath, then follows it up with a bitter chuckle. “This is stupid. You probably can’t even hear this, can you?”
There is an uncomfortable, stinging pressure in his eyes and he reflexively tries to swallow back the tears, only to realize how dry his mouth has become. He rubs his eyes instead, digging the heels of his palms into the sockets and applying pressure.
“I – if you – if you can hear me, I… I already lost you once. I can’t do this all over again, I just – I can’t. I’m – everyone is waiting for you, and I still…” Martin sniffles and clears his throat. “Just – come home, Jon. Please.”
“I think I’d forgotten what it was like to just be… present in the moment? A – a quiet moment, anyway.” Daisy sighs. “On a hunt, you always have to think a few steps ahead, anticipate the prey’s movements so you can get out in front of it. Even when you’re present-thinking, like during a fight, it’s – it’s instinct and reflex, quick movements and jagged edges. You can never just… be.”
“I think I understand,” Jon says. “Not the Hunt aspect, but – but the intolerance of stillness.”
“But in that moment – laying back in the grass, Basira going on about the stars – I was… I was just me. I was focused on her – she gets so excited, so animated whenever she has a chance to talk about something new she’s learned, and I – I let her go on for” – Daisy laughs – “going on forty minutes, probably, about – about the Wow! signal before she looked over and saw me staring. Got all embarrassed that I let her talk so long.”
Jon can feel himself grinning.
“In her defense, the Wow! signal is a fascinating topic.”
“I thought so,” Daisy says warmly. “I mean, I must’ve, right? The whole time she was talking, I never felt the blood calling to me. Afterwards, it felt wrong, somehow – unnatural – that I’d been ignoring it. Not even resisting it, just – tuning it out altogether. I didn’t notice until then how loud it was – like for my whole life there had been teeth at my throat and I just never noticed until that moment.” She pauses. “It’s strange, but I – I think I liked it. The quiet.”
“I don’t think it’s strange at all,” Jon says softly. “I think –”
Suddenly, there’s a distinct wrenching sensation within him – like having a hook yank upwards, painless but abrupt enough to make his breath catch in his throat.
“Jon?” Daisy says warily. “What’s wrong?”
There’s something there.
“Do – do you feel that?”
“No? What – what is it?”
“It’s – wait, just let me…”
Jon concentrates, holding his breath as he waits, and –
There. Another pull, like a fish tugging at a line. And another, gentler but just as insistent.
“Daisy, I –” Jon lets out a breathless little laugh. “I think I know the way. C-come on, follow me.”
End Notes:
tbh I was tempted to split this into two chapters but it felt like it wanted to be all one thing, and also I didn't want to end on an angsty cliffhanger because:
I know I was managing a loose every-7-to-10-days-ish update schedule for awhile there, but it miiiight start looking more like an every-two-weeks schedule going forward. I've been on split shifts at work but we're supposedly going back full time soon, so that might effect how much writing time I have each day. Just wanted to give a heads up in case it takes longer than usual before the next chapter is ready.
There are several snippets of dialogue borrowed/reworked from Jon & Daisy's conversation in the Buried in MAG 132 - they're scattered throughout the chapter. (The "This is forever deep below creation..." and "One thing I've learned..." internal dialogue bits are from 132 also.) Probably goes without saying, but Martin's Lonely statement is from MAG 170 and there's also a previously cited usage of his dialogue from the S4 trailer. The Tim quote is from MAG 117. "The blanket never did anything" (still one of the creepiest lines in the podcast i s2g) is from MAG 086.
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Batfam Headcanon: Pregnancy
✾ Request: Can I request a batfam headcanon? Batboys reactions when Kory says she’s pregnant of Mar’i. Btw love you page💕
✾ A/N: You teased me about dickkory, now you got a bible. That’s how it goes. Also, added Babs, Alfred and Bruce as bonus. And I’m glad you enjoy my work! Ps: I barely know Duke, tha’s why he doesn’t show up here.
✾ Disclaimer: Main relationship is Dick Grayson x Koriand’r. Mentions of Tim x Steph and Tim x Kon (kind of?). Check my Fandoms’ liist to see which Ships I’ll write for.
━─┈ ✧
Dick Grayson
I'm gonna use unpublished Nightwing #30 here: he and Kory had sex when he was getting ready for the agente stuff.
Once Agent 37 is off the deal, they end up finding each other again. A bit before Dick gets shoot.
And then, as usually it is between the acrobat and the alien princess, they do it again.
Over and over again.
She gets pregnant and finds out by the time Dick is amnesic.
Don't @ me DC would do that.
Kory flies towards Bludhaven & talks to him. It's not exactly successful. As he had said to Babs before, he didn't want his memories back. Ric was happy without Dick's conscience.
But Starfire isn't asking for her; it's about him, of course. He should be himself, he worked very hard through years to become who he truly was. But mostly, she begged him to come back because of a new addition to their lives.
Pregnant alien!!
At first, Ric Grayson doesn't believe it. Actually, part of him is aware that's true, he can feel it in the change inside his heart when he saw her; something similar to shame and adoration and excitement at once. Kory moved, talked, and seemed like someone he could love, be completely crazy about.
But he wasn't a father!
Koriand'r leaves, and Grayson is by himself again. Without his Gotham or Titans affiliates.
And, for the first time, there is no comfort in that.
He could tell she wasn't lying. Even though a part of his treacherous new mind tried to convince him otherwise.
Grayson's mind didn't know any gorgeous alien, let alone a pregnant with his child alien.
Yet, Dick felt like he had her in his veins. Just like he did with Bruce, Damian, Barbara, Donna, and the others. Tickles behind his skin, a red alarm for a memory that was long lost. But the sensation of keeping it somewhere remained inside him.
Although, when it came to the redhead princess, the warmth inside him was more intense.
Dick was going to be a father. He didn't even know his whole self and would be needed to take care of someone else. Someone small, part of him, and the legacy of the Flying Grayson's. Besides, he didn't even actually remember the mother of his kid.
didn't even remember making the kid.
He calls Bruce. Telling him to bring the antidote that Barbara was keeping if he wanted his memories back.
Not for him, not because it was the right thing, not because of everyone who claimed to love him cried for Dick to do that. Not even because of familiar senses holding into him every time he interacted with someone from his past.
But because he was going to be a father.
This decision was for his child.
When Bruce, Babs, and Damian ask why, he doesn't answer.
He remembers now, and he needs to find Kory.
It's scary, exciting, and the biggest surprise she ever gave to him-- even more scandalous than the day she fell on earth and kissed him.
A dad! He would be a dad!
Jason Todd
It all started off as an unusual ordinary day;
Roy got himself in trouble, Jason went to help him and the little problem became a bigger situation. Roy called Kory and a few minutes later, the situation was replaced by dust and fire smell. No one died, but it was enough to make the villains leave.
In the middle of ''What the fuck they wanted?" & "Who were they?" wonders, the original Outlaws heard a familiar motorcycle's noise which made Jason huff, Roy arch eyebrows and Kory confused.
Dick Grayson was there.
He was hysterical, blue eyes flaming with worry and relief towards Kory. Between their couple discussion and the others attempt to understand what was going on
Were they back together? Did dick know about the outlaws' way and was sticking his nose where it didn't belong? Did the titans need kory urgently?
Until 'pregnant' left Dick's lips, being followed by Kory's chaotic scream of "Just because I am pregnant, it does not mean I can not fight!"
Roy just had to get closer to them and explain that it would make no good to go through stressful situations, especially if he got it right.
A deep breath would be taken, and then Dick would apologize to Kory, saying he was just really scared for both of them. She'd look at her Outlaw friends and curve the corner of her lips-- that Kory smile that translate into 'I've seen hell and chose to use its flames to warm up the cold places of my heart.'
‘’Jason, Roy. . . I am expecting a baby.’’
Meanwhile, Jason was taking off his helmet and glaring at his friends with a perplexed look on his face. Also, a slightly desire of punching Dick. Last time he had heard of their relationship, it was about both of them avoiding each other, his older brother telling him to take care of Kory and Jason calling Dick an idiot. Yeah, he had to have a chat with him later.
For now, Roy was pulling him and Kory into a group hug.
Almost felt like their old times together.
Roy: Outlaw baby!! / Dick: Excuse me?
Tim Drake
Okay, okay. First of all, he wasn't planning on seeing any member of his family for a quite while. Not that Tim didn't want to, he was just really running out of time. Being Young Justice's leader was a full time job, and he wanted to be excellent at it.
But things don't always pass by as they were settle to. Therefore, when a disaster happens and Conner, of all people, gets hurt, Tim is in a delicate state of mind.
Drake is smart. He knows it isn't just about Conner. It's all the small things he's been keeping since Gotham.
Not enough sleep, but a certain amount of coffee to make his hands shake when it's late enough for the sun to come out weakly. His relationship with Steph is growing with disagreements from both lives; heroic and urban. His best friend is hurt because he analyzed too much a situation instead of telling his team what to do, so they made their independent choices. A dumb mistake, the kind that Batman would be disappointed of. Tim himself was biting his own neck about it. How could he be a leader? He should be better than that.
And then, he made a call. Because of all things he might be and might not be, he wasn't Batman.
Tim had friends, and a brother that would know what he was going through.
And he knew how to ask for help sometimes.
Dick comes by as fast as possible. They go to the roof and talk it out.
"Remember that they aren't just your team, Tim," He would say, a tranquil smile on his face. It's so similar to how he explained his relationship with the Titans when Drake was still Robin years ago. "They are your family. It's impossible for you not to be affected when they get hurt or something goes wrong. But they are alive. They still trust you. They believe, and need you. You need to give yourself some credit, and do your best for them."
OF COURSE Tim is stubborn about that because Dick is Dick and he basically grew with the Titans, it wasn't the same thing. He didn't have his older brother's skills to command, communicate, etc.
It was scary.
"Yet, Tim, a lot of things are scary. But you have to keep going. For who needs saving. For yourself. For the people you love."
His tone is too sentimental, even for Dick's big brother moments.
"You need to find something to fight for. That's how you keep going, even when you make mistakes. Good news, you already have it. "
Tim: Yeah, I think so. . . You came back to the Titans? I still have access to the computers.
Dick: Yeah, no. Kind if. It's complicated.
Tim: "Complicated? Like. . . Alien kind of complication?"
Dick: "You should know about that, huh?"
BLUSHING, STUTTERING TIM.
Cutting it because I already mentioned Steph, but I couldn't miss this opportunity ok.
Dick just laughs about it.
"Starfire isn't complicated, but yeah. We are still deciding if we will keep in the Titans or if we are going to Bludhaven for now."
"It sounds serious, even permanent."
"As permanent as a baby can be."
HHSHHSUSJJSIUSIE
BABY?
IS SHE PREGNANT??
Yeah, Tim was pretty wake, and shaking, and his brain felt like burning right now.
OH MY-- DICK
He was going to be a FATHER.
"YOU ARE GONNA BE A PARENT!"
But then, Dick was the older one and the best with kids.
"WAIT, SHE WILL BE HALF ALIEN. An hybrid. In nature, two different but similar species can procreate, but their kid can't have kids. Do you think--"
"Tim, calm down. Can you at least give me congratulations before talking about my unborn child's probable infertility?"
Damian Wayne
He knew Kory and Dick had been seeing each other again.
Therefore, making one of them notice his presence before showing up was necessary.
He didn't want to accidentally see profanity between his brother figure and his team's current leader, thank you.
After an obvious noise, he got in Dick's apartment.
As expected, Starfire was there.
She was standing up, and Grayson and looking at her tearful, while holding her belly.
It wasn't possible.
Grayson wouldn't be that irresponsible, would he?
Of course he would.
" So, I supposed Starfire either has a deadly bellyache, or you two are procreating. "
He is mildly fearing that Dick won't have much time for him, but that's a matter for another time.
BONUS!
Bruce Wayne and Alfred Pennyworth
Dick visits the manor with Kory someday.
He had to give the news or Batman would end up knowing anyway.
Honestly, it wasn't about that. He actually wanted to tell Bruce about his baby.
Alfred was there when they exchanged greetings, politely as usual.
‘'We are having a baby.'’
Listen, Bruce knows how to keep his emotions under his skin, but his eldest son being a father?
This must be the most real expression he has showed in years, and it's full of emotions; he is content, and surprised, and worried.
Some would say that Alfred was tearfully, but kept his posture. Master Bruce really made it. Obstacles, of course, even more than necessary at times. Yet, he was going to be a grandfather, and master Dick was becoming a father.
Gotham had a sunny day for once.
Barbara Gordon
If it's not Kory and Babs' baby, she will be aunt Babs
Something happens, help becomes needed.
Nightwing shows up in the middle of the combat, he was in Gotham to talk to Bruce & Alfred & Damian, anyway.
Batman dispersed him, though.
And Batgirl was confused by Batman's choice, especially after listening to his explanation:
"Nightwing, this is more dangerous than our usual job. I will take Robin and Batgirl. You have more urgent thinks to be taken care of. "
The dynamic duo leaves and there is just two long time friends.
It doesn't take a half second for Barbara to notice Dick hiding something.
Sigh, sigh, sigh.
"All right, Dick Grayson. What did you do?"
"Apparently, a baby."
????????????
"He has been ditching me since he learned about Kory's pregnancy."
"KORY'S WHAT!?"
"You didn't even tell me you two were back together!"
"You lost your virginity to an attractive alien and now she is pregnant with your child. That is. . . Surprising."
"I am really happy for you, Dick."
"Thank you, Babs. . . You know what? Maybe it's time to actually introduce you to Kory."
Communicator ringing.
"After I take care of something. Go home, dad."
#dickkory#dickkory imagine#dickkory headcanons#dickkory headcanon#robstar#robstar headcanon#robstar headcanons#dickkory family#mar'i grayson#dick grayson headcanon#dick grayson headcanons#dick grayson#kory anders#koriand'r#starfire#dick grayson x kory anders#batfamily#batfam#Batfamily Headcanon#batfam headcanons#batfamily headcanons#batfam headcanon#batboys headcanons#batboys headcanon#batboys imagines#batboys#jason todd#barbara gordon#jason todd headcanon#kory anders headcanon
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The new guy
Hello! Well, here you have it, my first Destiel fanfic! I plan to write more, but I wanted this share this one first, as it has been sitting on my computer for around two years. Sorry if it sucks! Also, any type of feedback is appreciated, as I want to improve my writing skills (which are quite rusty hehehe). Finally, if there are any grammatical mistakes or expressions that are a bit off, I apologize, English is not my first language. I hope you like it! :)
It was Dean’s first day at the force after spending six months away undercover to take out a drug ring. He had been dreaming about this day for ages, not being able to have any contact with his family or friends was difficult enough on its own, but to spend the best part of his time stuck with criminals was just plain torture. Besides, he was not big on changes, he liked stability and routines, that’s the main reason why he avoided going undercover unless there was no other option left. He spent all morning carefully choosing his outfit, trying to feel more like himself than he had been these past few months. As he opened the closet, he quickly spotted his favorite shirt: the light blue one that his mother gave him for his birthday three years ago and that made his green eyes pop. He remembered he used to wear a dark blue tie with it, alongside some grey dress pants, so he went ahead and put the outfit together. He took the badge from his bedside table, wearing it like a necklace. After he left the house, he took a quick glance at himself in the mirror as a small smile crept upon his lips: he might still feel like Jason Damien on the inside, but he sure as hell nailed the Dean Winchester look. Perhaps if he cut that ridiculously long sandy blonde mane he was forced to grow out, he would retrieve a little part of himself.
The drive to the precinct was a rather intense one, as all of Dean’s anxiety started to kick in. What if his partners didn’t recognize him? Or what if any of them had had an accident while on duty and they were gone? What if the precinct was different? What if he was different? Dean rushed through the busy streets of New York, almost running a couple of the red lights. After fifteen minutes of car horns, some blasphemies and taking a wrong turn, he arrived at the 99th precinct. He barely even made it to the elevator, which was closing its doors when Dean arrived. Luckily, one of the men inside noticed the panic in his face and held it open for a few seconds. Dean sent him a grateful look and a quick smile and then proceeded to stress over how he was going to react when he finally saw his friends after some long, hard six months. As soon as the doors of the elevator opened, revealing the second floor of the 99th precinct, he was instantly filled with a sense of relief: everything still looked the same. People were going back and forth all over the office, a phone always ringing on the background, some officers taking statements or locking up some crook. In the middle of the office were his colleagues standing in a circle with their backs turned from him. Not quite the welcome he was expecting. He walked towards them, his heart pounding. Once he was close enough, he noticed a man amongst the group, around whom the circle was created. By the quick glance he took, he saw that the unknown man had raven black hair and a tall and well-built frame.
“Hey, guys! Look who’s back!”, shouted Charlie as soon as she saw the sandy blond man. Everyone turned their attention to Dean, who was instantly tackled with hugs and words of relief and happiness. He didn’t even have time to properly process the situation.
“Oh, how stupid of us!” said Charlie while he was still caught in a whirlwind of people. “Let me introduce you to C. J. Novak —He has been transferred from the 96.” Dean was still a bit disoriented due to the overwhelming welcome, but something changed in him when he was met with the blue-eyed man who was leaning on Detective Rogers’ desk, observing the scene with his hands in his pockets. Now that he was closer to him, Dean noticed he had piercing blue eyes, rather chapped lips, a squared jaw and a five o’clock shadow. He was wearing a white buttoned up shirt that hinted at his worked-out body, as well as some black suit pants.
Dean stretched his arm and put his hand out for C. J. to shake. “Dean Winchester”
“So I’ve heard. Pleasure to meet you.” He had a deep voice, which took Dean by surprise. They didn’t break eye contact once while they were shaking hands. He didn’t feel quite right about the new guy, there was something about him that made him uneasy. For the few seconds —that felt like ages— that the handshake lasted, Dean forgot that there were people around them. He was too distracted by the man’s eyes and trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him. Tension started to build up between the two detectives, the atmosphere notably shifting to a dense and heavy one.
“Winchester, good to have you back!” the tall and broad frame of his boss, Captain Singer, appeared in front of him, forcing him to remove his green eyes from the new guy. The tension evaporated, and Dean found himself releasing the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “If you don’t mind, I would like to see you in my office.”
“See you guys later” Dean took a last glance to the new guy before he followed the older man to his office.
On the way there, he ran into some co-workers who quickly greeted him and congratulated him for the success of his mission. Once they reached their destination, just a few steps away from the elevator, the Captain closed the door and motioned him to sit down on the chair in front of his desk.
“Winchester, it’s a pleasure to have you back on the team. I know how hard it can be to go undercover, but it really pays off: The Lockwood family has been finally sent to jail thanks to your inside information. You are one of our best detectives.”
“Thank you, sir. All I want to do is go back to my regular job and move on.”
“About that” Captain Singer paused, avoiding eye contact. Dean had been working with the older man long enough to know what it meant. “There had been some changes around here while you were gone.”
There it was. Ever since he saw the new guy, he knew that something was off and that he wouldn’t be the only thing new around here.
“A few of your colleagues have been forced to leave the force due to getting hurt while on duty, Detectives Rogers and Joseph. I know you had worked with them on numerous cases, so I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I am also sad to inform you that Detective Masters passed away a few weeks after you left. She was trying to stop a mugging and, while she was chasing the criminal, she suffered a heart attack from which she never recovered. I’m only telling you this because I know how close you two were. Sorry, Dean”.
The news hit him hard. The only thing he could do was just to remain silent, his eyes fixed on the carpeted floor of Captain Singer’s office, trying to process all the information. Hearing about Detective Rogers and Joseph was a bitter pill to swallow, but he comforted himself thinking that at least they were alive, but Detective Masters was a different story. She was the first partner he ever had, the one with whom he worked his first case. It was she who showed him the ropes, who taught him how to be a competent detective. Before leaving, Dean had the hardest time saying goodbye to her.
“I’m sorry” said the Captain. “I understand it’s a lot to digest.” Dean nodded his head, attempting to swallow the lump on his throat. He stayed in silence for a few more seconds, trying to compose himself a little bit.
“Thank you for telling me, Captain.” Singer’s features softened.
“Anyway, I won’t hold you any longer, you can go back to work. And Winchester, once again, good job.” He dedicated him a small smile before burying his head in a never-ending-pile of files.
Once Dean got back to his desk, he retrieved that sense of familiarity that got lost during his conversation with the Captain. Everything was exactly how he left it, his pencil holder sitting at the far left corner of his desk, filled mostly with blue pens and a few pencils that were halfway down their size, some paper clips and rubber bands scattered next to it, the picture of him and his brother Sam on their very first trip to New York on the opposite corner and the all-too-familiar folder full of cases neatly stacked at the side. Dean smiled to himself: things were still the same. His smile was quickly turned into a furrow when he saw the blue-eyed man from before plop down on the desk right in front of him.
“You’re not Charlie” Dean thought at loud when he saw his partner, taken aback by the sudden intrusion.
“And you’re not Brad Pitt, but I guess we’ll have to make do” the comment took him by surprise. Now he was a hundred percent convinced he didn’t like the guy. “They promoted Detective Bradbury a few months ago, so they moved her to the third floor.��
“She got promoted? That’s good to hear!”
“Yes, it was big news around here. The celebration party was insane.”
“You threw a party?” Dean asked quietly, a pang of jealousy spreading through his chest. He knew it wasn’t fair to feel upset by that, after all, he was undercover, and he couldn’t reach out to anyone.
“Of course! She has been working hard for years to become a Sargent!” C. J. Novak huffed.
“Exactly how long have you been working here?” Dean asked, unable to keep his anger from showing.
Weeks passed and Dean was now more convinced than ever that the chances of the new guy —he refused to acknowledge that he had been around for more than a few weeks— and him becoming friends were zero to none. Ever since the first day, Dean felt suspicious of him, which lead to becoming surly whenever C. J. was around, which was all the time given that they sat in front of each other. Perhaps some of his negative energy rubbed onto his partner, because, soon enough, Novak started being standoffish. The atmosphere surrounding their desks was almost too heavy for anyone to handle, so they steered away from the negative environment the two men managed to create. That they were practically at daggers dawn took Dean’s friends by surprise, since they knew them both and thought they would have gotten on like a house on fire by now. And every time they asked the sandy blond why he disliked the blue-eyed detective so much, he was at a loss of words. He didn’t know why C. J. got on his nerves so much, all he knew is that he did and that was a good enough reason to not give him the time of the day.
But it all changed once they worked their first case together. Up until that point, they had managed to avoid doing anything together, Dean making the most efforts to dodge the situation. But this time, there was no way out: Captain Singer was tired of the excuses he kept coming out with and gave him the order to work with Detective Novak.
“So, there was no way to talk Captain Singer out of this.” Dean walked to C. J. and threw the file on his desk. He received a long sigh from his partner.
“So, what do we do?”
“I guess we go check the crime scene” replied the green-eyed man with resignation.
Rather hesitantly, they got into a police car and hit the road. C. J. read through the file, since his partner barely gave him time to even see what the case was about at the precinct. The atmosphere in the car was tense, Dean had his jaw clenched and he focused on the road, trying his best to forget that another person was in the car with him.
“So, stabbed through the heart at a dentist office.” C. J. tried to make the air lighter, aiming for small talk. At his partner’s silent response, he went on talking. “No murder weapon and only just one witness, it sure looks interesting. What do you think?”
“I think you should stop talking. Look, I don’t think neither of us is happy with this situation, so let’s get this over with as soon as possible. No small talk, no trying to socialize with each other. I hope this is just a one-time thing, so let’s just stick strictly to business, okay?” C. J. looked at him, frustration clear in his eyes and resumed to sit in silence while gazing out the window.
Ten minutes later, they arrived at the dentist office where the crime was committed. Surprisingly enough, the office floor was completely clean, and if it weren’t for the dead body in the middle of the room, it would be impossible to know that someone had been a murdered. The corpse was lying on his back, a stab wound on his chest. Some other officers were already there, taking pictures and examining the crime scene. The witness, a middle-aged woman with short black hair was waiting outside the office, fidgeting with her hands and her gaze fixed on the entrance door.
“Detectives Winchester and Novak, NYPD. Are you Ruby Campbell?”
“Yes, I am.” C. J. took a notepad and a pen out of his jacket to take her testimony, which earned him a dirty look from Dean.
“So, what can you tell us about last night? When did you find the body?” asked the dark-haired detective with his deep voice, which made Dean’s blood boil for whatever reason.
“I’m the receptionist here. I usually help Doctor Jason close, but I had to leave early because it was my daughter’s school play. When I came to work this morning, I saw that his car was still parked, which caught my attention since he was supposed to leave today to visit his family in Detroit. I went to his office and found him dead on the floor.” The woman told her story with tears in her eyes, and her voice broke a couple of times while she was narrating the events.
C. J. wrote everything down on his notepad and comforted the witness, showing tremendous care and tenderness, which became too much for Dean, who excused himself and went to check the body while his partner made further questions.
“What are your thoughts on the crime scene, Detective Winchester?” asked Detective Novak in a serious tone, trying to engage in a professional conversation.
Dean, who tried to ignore the chills he got when he heard his partner’s deep voice address him as ‘Detective Winchester’, angered at the fact that the other man was still willing to have a conversation with him. He gripped the steering wheel even harder, his knuckles turning white.
“The witness can be ruled out, her alibi checks out, I looked at the security cameras.” The blue-eyed man read through his notes, resolved in carrying on with the conversation even if his partner was giving him the cold shoulder. “What we have to do when we arrive at the precinct is to call the victim’s family, they probably are still waiting for him to show up in Detroit.”
“Just shut up!” roared Dean, unable to take the sound of his voice anymore. “This is hard enough; you don’t have to fill the silence with whatever comes to your mind. I don’t give a rat’s ass about your stupid thoughts and theories on the case. I know we have to work this thing together, but I swear to God, if I have to hear another word come out of your mouth, I’m leaving this car.” He took a quick glance at his partner, who had a furrowed brow and his hands turned into fists.
“Stop the car” Detective Novak said quietly.
“What?” asked Dean in disbelief.
“STOP THE DAMN CAR.” Intimidated by his partner reaction, the green-eyed detective pulled up at the side of the road. “We’ve been working this case for less than three hours and you have been nothing but hell on wheels!” yelled C. J., looking directly into his green eyes. “Look, I don’t care if you have been nothing but a dick to me, even if I had been nothing but nice to you ever since you came back; I’m fine with you bossing me around as if I were your fucking assistant, but what I won’t tolerate is you putting my professional integrity on the line. Whether you like it or not, we are working this case together, so swallow your damn pride, because we are talking murder here, Dean, there’s too much at stake. So, stop behaving like a damn child and start acting like the great detective everyone claims you are.”
Dean was speechless. Once he composed himself from the original shock, he got angrier than before. He knew damn well that he was being more than unfair to C. J., and he hated to admit that the other detective was right. So, he shot him a dirty look, which gained him an exasperated sigh from the blue-eyed detective and drove back to the precinct.
Once they arrived at the office, their tension and bad temper spread through the whole room, like a dark cloud blocking the sun rays, letting everyone know that a storm was coming. The always busy and noisy precinct turned silent, as if afraid to set one of them off. Everyone steered clear of the two detectives, who went their separate ways as quickly as possible, sick of the other’s company. Dean went straight to the coffee room, in desperate need of caffeine to get through the rest of the day, while C. J. went to his desk to start with the paperwork. After twenty minutes, Dean had calmed down enough to go back to work. However, as he was about to leave, a furious Charlie approached him, forcing him to stay in the coffee room.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Winchester?!” she yelled, poking his chest with her finger, while Dean was left with his arms up in the air in defense. “I’ve just talked to C. J. and he has told me about how much of an asshole you have been to him. At first, I thought you were being salty about this whole new partner thing, but this has gone way too far. Pull your head out of your ass, apologize to C. J., and work the damn case.” As she spoke, she got up in Dean’s personal space, until he was backed into a wall, her finger never leaving his chest. Charlie could be intimidating when she put her mind to it. She sent him one last threating look and stormed out the room.
As soon as he processed Charlie’s threat, he straightened himself up and returned to his desk. It bothered him to admit that they were both right, he was well aware of being unreasonable and unfair, but he just couldn’t do anything about how he felt about the guy, he still had this weird feeling about him. However, for everyone’s sake, he decided to put his feelings aside and work the damn case. The sooner he ripped the band-aid off, the better.
He set a cup of coffee on Detective Novak’s desk, who looked up from his computer screen and eyed the beverage confused.
“Consider it a peace offering”, said Dean flatly, as he himself started his computer up, hiding behind its screen while peering from the corner of his eye his partner’s reaction. The other detective looked intermittently at him and the cup, still suspicious of the whole affair, until he finally caved in and took a sip of the coffee.
At first, they exchanged short and to-the-point sentences, a lot of formality still surrounding them. But as the case progressed and they were forced to stay late at night, they evolved from being at arm’s length, to getting along, some would even say they even became friendly. It was during those nights that the two of them bonded, which left Dean wondering why he had been so rude towards the other man for such a long time. By the end of the case, they were both as thick as thieves.
“Heya, Angel” Dean greeted the dark-haired man as he set a cup of coffee on his desk, a custom he had adopted since they had buried the hatchet.
“How long are you going to keep calling me that?”
“What, you don’t like it? Would you rather I called you Castiel, the angel of Thursday?” replied amused, a playful grin on his face.
“I knew it was a bad idea to tell you my name” said C. J., obviously fed up with the nickname his colleague had decided to give him. Dean just laughed.
“Anyway, I was just dropping by to bring you your coffee. Charlie found a lead on a case she has been working on for weeks and she asked me to be her back-up, so we’re leaving in a few minutes. Any advice?” asked the sandy blond man while leaning against C. J.’s desk, with no intention at all to leave.
“A few: don’t piss Charlie off, follow her every order and listen to her. Oh, and don’t get shot again, I would hate to lose my drink slave. I forgot how life is like when you have to get coffee for yourself.”
“First of all, I technically didn’t get shot last time, a bullet grazed my arm. But don’t worry, you’re not getting rid of me so easily.” Dean winked at his partner, who started blushing. “Though, getting shot doesn’t sound that bad, I might do it again.” He moved closer to the dark-haired man, a hint of amusement in his voice. “I mean, it was really cute seeing how worried you were and how much you took care of me. Also, I heard scars make you more attractive. Perhaps you should get one yourself, that way you could get laid.”
“You know what, Winchester, blow me” C. J. rolled his eyes, trying to remember why he was still friends with such an idiot.
“Don’t mind if I do.” Blushing, the detective punched him playfully in the arm while Dean just laughed.
“Hey, Winchester! What the hell, man? I’ve been waiting ten minutes for you in the car! Stop flirting with Novak and let’s go!” yelled Charlie from the elevator, anger spilling from her voice.
“Gotta go, duty calls” Dean got up from his partner’s desk, putting a hand on his chest, while looking up, trying to add dramatism to the situation, which gained him a snort from his co-worker.
“I meant what I said earlier, Dean! Be careful!” shouted C. J. as his partner was approaching the elevator and meeting with the redheaded detective. He turned around and blew him a kiss. C. J. just rolled his eyes and went back to his work.
“Asshole” muttered under his breath, while a small smile made its way onto his lips.
“What was all that about, Dean?” asked Charlie once they were on their way to a drugstore, the last place Charlie’s suspect had been seen.
“What do you mean?”
“Do I really need to explain it?” her tone full of exasperation. She was met with the dumbfounded expression of her colleague, forcing her to go on. “The non-stop flirting? The long-lasting eye sex? The heart-eyes you give each other when the other is not looking?”
“Oh, that” Dean suddenly felt shy and awkward. “It’s nothing. You know that I like flirting and C. J.'s so easy to mess with… Besides, I don’t swing that way.” The last comment got a snort from the redhead.
“Yeah, you’re as straight a circle, honey” she muttered under her breath.
“What?”
“Nothing”
“No, I heard you mumbling. What do you have to say?” Dean pressed on.
Charlie remained silent for a few seconds, debating whether she should speak or not.
“Well, this is probably not my place to say and this is something you’re supposed to figure out on your own, but it seems like you need a nudge in the right direction.” She paused, choosing her words carefully in order not to sound rude or patronizing.
“I’m not following” said Dean, confused. His whole body suddenly became tense. He could hear his heart beating in his head.
“Do you remember Lisa?”
“Of course, we dated for three years. But I don’t know what she has to do with any of this.”
“Remember his brother, the one you had a major crush on? Don’t even try to deny it”, she stopped him, seeing Dean was already opening his mouth in defense, “you might have played it off as admiring him for being a firefighter, but man, you couldn’t stop staring at him when he was around, completely ignoring your then girlfriend. You were drooling after him! She even stopped including him in our plans when you were around.”
Dean chewed his bottom lip as he remembered how the aforementioned girlfriend broke up with him, her words engraved in his mind: ‘You have some stuff to figure out, until then, I don’t think you can fully love me.’ He thought she meant something completely different, given that during the last years of their relationship, he was in a dark place and all she wanted was for him to get his shit together.
“And last year’s Christmas party? You probably won’t remember this because you were pretty wasted, but you spent all night flirting with the male bartender, with whom you ended up making out by closing time.”
“I don’t remember that” said the green-eyed detective, his voice small.
“Of course you don’t! You practically drank yourself senseless!” scoffed the redhead. “And now C. J. and your initial so-called hatred for the poor guy. I mean, I spent endless coffee breaks hearing you ramble on and on about him and how much he got into your nerves for doing the littlest of things that no one even noticed. And then you guys declared a truce and began flirting like crazy, getting to a point where everyone tries to avoid you two, because you guys are so chummy, that anyone who is with you two instantly feels like they are third-wheeling.” Dean felt his cheeks burn, as he bowed his head down, looking at his hands, ashamed.
“What are trying to say? That I am gay?” he quietly asked, trying to make sense of what Charlie was throwing his way.
“Well, that’s something you need to figure out,” she said in a much softer tone, “And you know that whatever happens, we’ll always have your back, right?” he just nodded, still trying to process everything, his gaze still fixed on his hands.
After the heart to heart with Charlie, Dean felt more self-conscious around C. J. He toned down his flirting, which got the other man confused, who had already gotten used to his partner’s overly confident, snarky, and teasing remarks. Dean was also more distracted at work, usually messing up various forms and spacing out during coffee breaks or at lunch, not really listening to his partners’ stories of whatever arrest they had made that day. Those subtle changes didn’t go over C. J.’s head, who started worrying if something of a greater scale had happened to his desk partner.
“Hey, Dean-o” greeted C. J., who bumped into him on the coffee room.
“Hey.” Replied the other man softly, not really looking up from his cup of coffee, deep in thought.
“So, how are you?” the dark-haired detective sat down on the chair next to him.
“Fine, I guess.” Dean started playing with the plastic stick, stirring his coffee.
“Is there something bothering you, Dean?” C. J. placed his hand on the other man’s forearm, making him look up from his coffee and directing his green eyes on Novak’s hand placement. “You seem off these days.”
“It’s just that I have recently found something and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.”
“Well, if there’s anything I can do to help…”
“You have done more than you think.” Dean finally looked him in the eyes and offered him a genuine smile, which gained him another from his partner, easing his worries.
In that moment, Dean realized how hopelessly in love he was with C. J. Novak. He had spent these past few months not only trying to embrace his new-found bisexuality, but also figuring out how he felt about the deep-voiced detective. He initially thought he had a crush and that it would eventually go away, but seeing that he failed to stay away from his partner long enough to get over his stupid infatuation, he realized that it was probably bigger than he had deemed it at first. Still, he was new to all this consciously-flirting-with-guys thing, so he didn’t really know how to express his feelings to him. Besides, there was also the chance that C. J. wasn’t into dudes, so Dean decided that it was better to not act on his feelings and be content with giving him longing looks from behind the computer when the other detective wasn’t looking. It took some more weeks and a lot of soul-searching and awkward family conversations for Dean to finally build up enough courage to go back to their original aggressive flirting, which C. J. received with a smile and a ‘that’s the Winchester I know’. It wasn’t until he eavesdropped on one of C. J.’s phone calls to his sister and he made a passing comment about his previous boyfriend that Dean decided to ask the guy out, as Charlie was so adamant about every time the subject was brought up.
“Morning, sunshine!” like every morning, Dean set the coffee on his partner’s desk while he leaned against it. “Wow, you look like crap.” C. J. had dark circles around his eyes, droopy eyelids, and black strands of hair were sticking out in every direction.
“Gee, thanks Dean, you look stunning as always.” The sandy blond detective was sure that C. J. would’ve rolled his eyes if it weren’t because he was so tired. Instead, he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Rough night?”
“Yeah” the blue-eyed detective sighed. “My neighbors recently had a baby, and she spent all night crying her lungs out. I barely got any sleep” as in cue, a yawn made its appearance.
“If you want to hit the sack on the break room, I won’t tell anyone. Maybe I’ll even join you, I’ve been told I make a great big spoon” said Dean proudly, moving closer to his colleague.
“Oh, Winchester, ever the tease. Tell me, do you actually plan on following through with all the propositions you have been making me all these months?” C. J. blurted out, leaving Dean speechless.
This isn’t exactly how he had expected to ask the man out, he was waiting for the perfect moment, like going to a shootout and after almost losing his life, he would return to the precinct and C. J. would run to his arms and probably then Dean would have enough courage to ask him on a date. But then again, in his head they were already married with two children, a dog, and a house in the suburbs. So, this was as good a moment as any.
“I am. In fact, how do you feel about dinner tonight at my place? Not to brag, but Charlie has remarked several times that my cooking skills are out of this world.” He tried to sound nonchalant and suave, but a sudden tremble on his voice and the constant fidgeting with his hands gave him away.
“Wait, are you serious? Are you asking me on a date?” C. J. shot his head up and looked at the sandy blonde man, who quickly glanced at him before returning his gaze to the floor, his head bowed down.
“I mean, if that’s what you want.” A smile appeared on C. J.’s face; any trace of tiredness erased from his features.
“Fucking finally” muttered the blue-eyed man. He took Dean’s red tie in his hand and pulled it, forcing the other man to bend forward, planting a kiss on his lips.
Everything leading up to it happened in slow motion for Dean. A million thoughts were rushing through his mind, when he suddenly felt a strong grip on his tie, and then before he knew it, detective Novak’s lips were on his own. It took him a few seconds to take in what was happening, but when he did, he gave into the kiss. When they pulled away, Dean was left dumbfounded, still not a hundred percent sure that if what just happened was real.
“So, tonight at 7.30?” was all that the green-eyed detective managed to stammer out. The other detective laughed, looking him with tender eyes.
“Yeah, I think I can make it.” They smiled at each other. “What took you so long?”
“I don’t know” replied Dean genuinely, going in for another kiss.
#destiel#destiel fanfic#destiel au#castiel novak#dean winchester#destiel oneshot#destiel is forever#enemies to lovers
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Can you do fluff alphabet for Bakugou with a chubby s/o
Bakugo Katsuki Fluff Alphabet
I was a little confused on how I could add body type into the alphabet. So I tried my best to do your request, I hope it’s okay! @ash-the-lover
A - Affection (How do they show how much they care in their day to day lives)
Yes Kastsuki can be affectionate, big surprise. He’s pretty bad with words (unless written) so he tries his best to show how much he cares. He’ll always be right beside you despite how big the room may be, or even pat your head in public with a rare smile on his face. He’s trying his best, he just needs a little more practice.
B - Before (How did they act before the relationship/ what was the relationship like?)
He wasn’t the best with dealing with the fact he had a crush on you. He would yell at you more, but none of his words contained any venom. You kinda just stuck around him anyways. Even before you started dating, he was very VERY protective. Heaven forbit any ass hole degrade your amazing beautiful body, it was lucky recovery girl was there.
C - Comfort (How they act when their S/O is sad)
He instantly turns soft the moment he realized you’re upset. If it’s something another person did, he’ll offer to kill them, then proceed to explain why you’re so much better, and don’t need to even think about them. But if it’s insecurities, his heart breaks. He believes you are perfect, and even out of his league. He tries his best by pulling you into his chest, and saying ‘this heart beats for you stupid’ he’ll make sure to show you how much you mean to him more often.
D - Dawn (What are mornings like?)
This boy goes to be at 9pm, so you know he’s getting up at 4:30am. He’s actually very quite, almost never waking you up as he’s getting ready. On the off chance that he does, he’ll kiss your forehead and tell you to go back to sleep. Although you wake up alone, there is always a warm plate of breakfast on the kitchen table, and a good morning note from Bakugo
E - Embarrassed (How does their S/O make them flustered? How do they return the favour?)
Kiss him on the cheek and he’s out. Bakugo could be screaming, or in the middle of sparing and instantly freeze up if you somehow kiss him. Error Boyfriend has Stopped Working. He kinda just stands there as his face gets redder, then screams ‘OI What the hell was that for!’ But you know he secretly enjoys it, plus he’ll get you back by slapping your ass. Bakugo is a perv, what more can I say.
F - First date (Were did you go and what did you do for your first date together)
This boy did his research. You two would meet up at a nearby park, walking around a little bit before heading to a very expensive restaurant. He’d convince you to split a dessert with him, and you best believe he’s paying for the whole thing. Don’t even attempt, trust me it won’t be pretty. Afterwards you would go see a movie, at one of those expensive theatres that has an arcade inside. It may have taken him 27 tries, but he did get you that plushy you wanted from the claw machine before the movie started. And at the end of the night, he would give you a quick goodbye kiss as he dropped you off.
G - Gentle (How Gentle are they with their S/O? Or do they like to rough house with them?)
Bakugo will be rough. If your his girlfriend, one of the reasons he loves you is because you’re strong, otherwise you’d be too scared of him. It’s usually just rough language, swearing, screaming, just normal Katsuki. He also prefers to spar with you, and you better not expect him to hold back. If he does end up hurting you, he’ll give you one of his famous massages to make up for it.
H - Habit (What do they repeatally do in the relationship?)
His hands like to wander... he says he can’t help it, that you’re just too beautiful, but you know it has to do with him being a bit possessive. It’s not even pervertive most of the time. Often running his hands down your sides, or petting your hair. He won’t admit to doing it, but the playfulness tells a whole nother story.
I - Intreating (What do they find fascinating about their S/O? And vise versa?)
He’s astonished that you deal with him so well. The first time you were able to calm him down, played on repeat over and over in his mind. He doesn’t understand how! It kinda pissed him off because he felt weak, but now he goes to You whenever he needs to de stress.
J - Jealousy (How easily do they get jealous, and how do they deal with it)
He doesn’t want to get jealous, but it just comes with his personality. He feels kinda bad after he basically threatens to kill some guy hitting on you. Not for the fact that he planned on murdering the poor dude, but because he knows you can take care of yourself, and don’t need him butting in. He’s gotten a lot better after the first couple incidents, and often will just glare at the pervs while putting his arm around you.
K - Knick Knack (A random momento they still have from their S/O)
Just like Uraraka and Midoriya, you actually gave Bakugo his hero name ‘ground zero’. You had drawn a funny little doodle of your boyfriend in his hero costume, during class. Three thing were written: ‘Boom boom McSpolde man’ ‘Ground Zero’ and ‘love uwu’. He had taken it from you to look up, but never gave it back. He currently has it on the top of his nightstand, where it’s been since he got it.
L - Location (Favourite place to go on dates)
Arcade or amusement park. Honestly any adrenaline inducing thing he loves. He gets really competitive at the arcade, but will always try to win you something! (Even if it takes 14 tries). He doesn’t like how many people there are at the amusement parks, by he loves having you cling to him on rollercoserts. He will drag you on the scariest one, just so he can ‘protect’ you.
M - Movie (What cliché movie trope has actually happened in the relationship?)
That whole yelling in the rain then someone accidentally confesses, was how you two got together. You honestly didn’t know what was going on with him, and you two started arguing on your way back to the dorms after sparing. ‘All I want is for you to tell me what I did wrong Katsu!’ ‘You did nothing wrong!’ ‘Well something’s wrong!’ Fast forward a bit and he actually ends up saying ‘for some reason I fucking like you a lot!’ Arguing in the rain + confession = kisses!
N - Nickname (What do they call their S/O?)
What he calls his S/O:
‘My idiot’ a term of endearment kinda
‘Babe’ never used at school
‘Fucking perfection’ he’s trying
What you call him:
‘Baku-babe’ in response to him calling you babe
‘Jerk face’ another term of endearment trust me
‘My hero’ yes he almost cried when you first called him that
O - On Cloud Nine (How they act when they are in love/ Is it obvious to everyone around them?)
He’s only obviously about it when he’s actually with you. His full attention with be on you, and the anger in his face has melted away. He looks really civil and it kinda freaks people out when they first see it. Neither of you notice, but he’s always in a protective stance around you. It’s very obvious you’re dating the hot head.
P - PDA (Do they like showing off their s/o, or are a little shy to kiss in public)
It’s either full on makeout session, or no touching what so ever. At school he’s not very affectionate because he wants to focus on being a top hero, and he knows if he even thinks of you for too long, it’s going to distract him for the rest of the week. In the dorms though, almost anything goes. He doesn’t want to talk to someone? He’ll start cuddling up to you, blaintly ignoring them. Deku is pissing him off? Makeout session outside your door.
Q - Quirk (A random ability they have, that’s helpful in a relationship)
Even though he isn’t very good with words, Bakugo will never lie about what he’s saying. He’s so blunt that everything he says is genuine, and 110% his option. Maybe he doesn’t say it in the most classy way, but he means well. Having him be like this prevents insecurities, and trust issues.
R - Rearly (Something they love to do, but it doesn’t happen often)
He loves cloths shopping with you. Hear me out; his parents are fashion designers, so you best believe he’s going to have their skills when it comes to looking good. He loves to dress you up like his own personal manikin, he thinks you have the perfect body for any outfit, and can rock anything he decides to throw your way.
S - Special (Something that only them and their S/O do together)
Horror movie nights. He absolutely hates watching movies with the squad, usually because they talk so dam loud, and they have to pause the movie every 10 minutes! So he’ll only watch with you. He absolutely loves it when you get scared and cuddle into him. He feels like your his missing peice, and you both fot together like a puzzle. He’ll feel bad if you have a nightmare afterwards, but how can he be stop when every time you come to him for more cuddles!?
T - Together (How often do they spend time with their S/O?)
He never thought about having a relationship, so he’s really booked up with becoming a hero. Although you don’t spend much time together, you spend enough time in the same room. Most weeks it’s just lunch, and walking to the dorms together. It’s not a lot of time, but it makes you both cherish the time you do spend together.
U - United (In which way does the relationship become a whole? Marriage?)
Once you start working together, and get into a flow. It would happen close to when he would propose. You both just start to understand eachother, and work well together even in your day jobs. You can communicate without words, making you both successful in whatever you put your mind to. Bakugo may not be the number 1 hero, but you do hold the title of best hero couple.
V - Value (What do they treasure the most in their relationship?)
He treasures the quiet moments you share. He’s so go go go, and always working towards something, that when he gets a break alone with you, he wants to just sit and enjoy you being there. When it’s quite, he feels like he can detach from the world and just exist without expectations. He’d never have these quite moments until he met you, and he’s so so thankful for them, and you.
W - Wish (What do they hope will come from the relationship?)
Honestly he doesn’t know. All he knows is that he wants to be by your side no matter what. He has so many goals for himself, he doesn’t want to put any stress on you or your relationship. So he’s ready to go with whatever you want, because he’s content on just being with you, and being there for you.
X - XOXO (Favourite types of kisses and hugs)
After a long and stressful day so everyday, katsuki will just want to smother you into his chest and stay like that. Having you between his arms grounds him, and he won’t admit it but he loves the smell of your shampoo. He much prefers to do the kissing, just so it doesn’t catch him off guard. So he’ll usually just come up to you and start a full out makeout session to relive any negative energy he has.
Y - Yearning (How do they cope when they're missing their partner?)
Katsuki is a big baby. So if you’re not with him, you best believe he will snap at anyone in a 50ft radius of him. You always calm him down, so being without you puts him into demon overdrive. If you’re gone for a long time, he’ll end up pacing the house, glaring longingly at the spots you spend the most time in. The only thing that helps him get by is the adorable pictures he has of you as his phone screen.
Z - Zeal (Will they go great lengths for the sake of the relationship? What kind?)
Although he won’t turn villain for you, he will kill someone. We all know his threats are empty, but it something were to happen to you... whoever did it would be dead. If he wasn’t able to kill then for some reason, then he would make their life a living hell. He loves you, and no one will ever take that away from him.
#mha bakugou#bnha bakugo katsuki#headcanon x reader#bakugou x reader#bnha x reader#fluff headcanons#boku no hero headcanons#katsuki bakugo x reader#fluff alphabet#fluff#cubby? reader#request#my hero academia#boku no hero academia
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BABY SITTING
November 11, 1949
"Baby Sitting” (aka “Liz Takes Up Baby Sitting”) is episode #62 of the radio series MY FAVORITE HUSBAND broadcast on November 11, 1949, sponsored by Jell-O.
This was the tenth episode of the second season of MY FAVORITE HUSBAND. There were 43 new episodes, with the season ending on June 25, 1950.
Synopsis ~ Liz takes up baby sitting to balance her financial books and earn money for George's Christmas present.
This episode shares plot elements with the “I Love Lucy” episode “The Amateur Hour” (ILL S1;E14) in 1952. Like Liz Cooper, Lucy Ricardo makes extra money by baby sitting.
“My Favorite Husband” was based on the novels Mr. and Mrs. Cugat, the Record of a Happy Marriage (1940) and Outside Eden (1945) by Isabel Scott Rorick, which had previously been adapted into the film Are Husbands Necessary? (1942). “My Favorite Husband” was first broadcast as a one-time special on July 5, 1948. Lucille Ball and Lee Bowman played the characters of Liz and George Cugat, and a positive response to this broadcast convinced CBS to launch “My Favorite Husband” as a series. Bowman was not available Richard Denning was cast as George. On January 7, 1949, confusion with bandleader Xavier Cugat prompted a name change to Cooper. On this same episode Jell-O became its sponsor. A total of 124 episodes of the program aired from July 23, 1948 through March 31, 1951. After about ten episodes had been written, writers Fox and Davenport departed and three new writers took over – Bob Carroll, Jr., Madelyn Pugh, and head writer/producer Jess Oppenheimer. In March 1949 Gale Gordon took over the existing role of George's boss, Rudolph Atterbury, and Bea Benaderet was added as his wife, Iris. CBS brought “My Favorite Husband” to television in 1953, starring Joan Caulfield and Barry Nelson as Liz and George Cooper. The television version ran two-and-a-half seasons, from September 1953 through December 1955, running concurrently with “I Love Lucy.” It was produced live at CBS Television City for most of its run, until switching to film for a truncated third season filmed (ironically) at Desilu and recasting Liz Cooper with Vanessa Brown.
MAIN CAST
Lucille Ball (Liz Cooper) was born on August 6, 1911 in Jamestown, New York. She began her screen career in 1933 and was known in Hollywood as ‘Queen of the B’s’ due to her many appearances in ‘B’ movies. With Richard Denning, she starred in a radio program titled “My Favorite Husband” which eventually led to the creation of “I Love Lucy,” a television situation comedy in which she co-starred with her real-life husband, Latin bandleader Desi Arnaz. The program was phenomenally successful, allowing the couple to purchase what was once RKO Studios, re-naming it Desilu. When the show ended in 1960 (in an hour-long format known as “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour”) so did Lucy and Desi’s marriage. In 1962, hoping to keep Desilu financially solvent, Lucy returned to the sitcom format with “The Lucy Show,” which lasted six seasons. She followed that with a similar sitcom “Here’s Lucy” co-starring with her real-life children, Lucie and Desi Jr., as well as Gale Gordon, who had joined the cast of “The Lucy Show” during season two. Before her death in 1989, Lucy made one more attempt at a sitcom with “Life With Lucy,” also with Gordon.
Richard Denning (George Cooper) was born Louis Albert Heindrich Denninger Jr., in Poughkeepsie, New York. When he was 18 months old, his family moved to Los Angeles. Plans called for him to take over his father's garment manufacturing business, but he developed an interest in acting. Denning enlisted in the US Navy during World War II. He is best known for his roles in various science fiction and horror films of the 1950s. Although he teamed with Lucille Ball on radio in “My Favorite Husband,” the two never acted together on screen. While “I Love Lucy” was on the air, he was seen on another CBS TV series, “Mr. & Mrs. North.” From 1968 to 1980 he played the Governor on “Hawaii 5-0″, his final role. He died in 1998 at age 84.
Gale Gordon (Rudolph Atterbury) had worked with Lucille Ball on “The Wonder Show” on radio in 1938. One of the front-runners to play Fred Mertz on “I Love Lucy,” he eventually played Alvin Littlefield, owner of the Tropicana, during two episodes in 1952. After playing a Judge in an episode of “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour” in 1958, he would re-team with Lucy for all of her subsequent series’: as Theodore J. Mooney in ”The Lucy Show”; as Harrison Otis Carter in “Here’s Lucy”; and as Curtis McGibbon on "Life with Lucy.” Gordon died in 1995 at the age of 89.
Bea Benadaret (Iris Atterbury) was considered the front-runner to be cast as Ethel Mertz but when “I Love Lucy” was ready to start production she was already playing a similar role on TV’s “The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show” so Vivian Vance was cast instead. On “I Love Lucy” she was cast as Lucy Ricardo’s spinster neighbor, Miss Lewis, in “Lucy Plays Cupid” (ILL S1;E15) in early 1952. Later, she was a success in her own show, “Petticoat Junction” as Shady Rest Hotel proprietress Kate Bradley. She starred in the series until her death in 1968.
Ruth Perrott (Katie, the Maid) was also later seen on “I Love Lucy.” She first played Mrs. Pomerantz, a member of the surprise investigating committee for the Society Matrons League in “Pioneer Women” (ILL S1;E25), as one of the member of the Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League in “Lucy and Ethel Buy the Same Dress” (ILL S3;E3), and also played a nurse when “Lucy Goes to the Hospital” (ILL S2;E16). She died in 1996 at the age of 96.
Bob LeMond (Announcer) also served as the announcer for the pilot episode of “I Love Lucy”. When the long-lost pilot was finally discovered in 1990, a few moments of the opening narration were damaged and lost, so LeMond – fifty years later – recreated the narration for the CBS special and subsequent DVD release.
GUEST CAST
Hans Conried (Mr. Wood) first co-starred with Lucille Ball in The Big Street (1942). He then appeared on “I Love Lucy” as used furniture man Dan Jenkins in “Redecorating” (ILL S2;E8) and later that same season as Percy Livermore in “Lucy Hires an English Tutor” (ILL S2;E13) – both in 1952. The following year he began an association with Disney by voicing Captain Hook in Peter Pan. On “The Lucy Show” he played Professor Gitterman in “Lucy’s Barbershop Quartet” (TLS S1;E19) and in “Lucy Plays Cleopatra” (TLS S2;E1). He was probably best known as Uncle Tonoose on “Make Room for Daddy” starring Danny Thomas, which was filmed on the Desilu lot. He joined Thomas on a season 6 episode of “Here’s Lucy” in 1973. He died in 1982 at age 64.
Mr. Wood has eleven children: Bob, Madelyn, Adele, Lucille, Ruth, Lucius, Jessie, Walter, Jess, Joanne, and Hugo.
Jacob "Jack" Kruschen (Mr. Pearson) was a Canadian character actor who worked in film, television and radio. During the 1940s, he became a staple of West Coast radio drama. He had several roles in programs made especially for the Armed Forces Radio Service (AFRS) broadcast for the benefit of members on active duty in the military in the 1940s and 1950s. He was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his role as Dr. Dreyfuss in the 1960 comedy-drama The Apartment. He played a mechanic in The Long, Long Trailer (1954).
Mr. Pearson is the father of Tommy, the child Liz is baby sitting.
EPISODE
ANNOUNCER: “As we look in on the Coopers it’s morning. George Cooper is in the dining room eating breakfast, and Liz is hiding in the kitchen with Katie the maid.”
Liz is avoiding seeing George because it is the day he wants to go over their Christmas list and Liz has not put a penny in the Christmas Club account all year long! She reluctantly goes into the dining room to try the ‘smooch’ treatment on him. George wants to take half the money in the account and pay bills. Liz tries to ‘Christmas’ him out of the plan, calling him a Scrooge. He relents but that still leaves Liz with an empty Christmas Club account and a full list.
Later, Liz comes up with the idea to make fruitcake for everyone on the list. That will work for everyone except George. She wonders if she could make money with a part-time job. Since George has taken the newspaper to work with him, Liz goes next door to see Mr. Wood (Hans Conried), since four of his eleven children have paper routes. Liz arrives just as all eleven of them stamped out the door for school at the same time!
MR. WOOD: “Goodbye, Bob, Madelyn, Adele, Lucille, Ruth, Lucius, Jessie, Walter, Jess, Joanne!”
After a pause, Little Hugo also scampers by making eleven. These are the names of some of the staff of My Favorite Husband.
Bob LeMond (Announcer)
Madleyn Pugh (Writer)
Adele is the name often ascribed to Liz’s Mother, Mrs. Elliott
Lucille Ball (Liz Cooper)
Jess Oppenheimer (writer)
Ruth Perrott (Katie the Maid
Mr. Wood says the morning (and evening) stampede can be hazardous since someone has a sharp propeller on his atomic beanie.
Atomic Beanies were previously known as propeller hats. In the 1940s they became a big hit with kids and were widely sold. The word atomic was adopted just a few years after the detonation of the first atomic bomb.
Lucy Ricardo wore one in “Don Juan is Shelved” (ILL S4;E22) in 1955.
Mr. Wood suggests she try to take his daughter Adele’s old job - baby sitting!
Liz dresses up to go on her first baby sitting assignment to take care of Tommy Pearson, who is a sure shot with a pea shooter! She tells George she is going to a lecture with Iris Atterbury.
Twenty minutes later, George is pacing the living room without Liz. He figures if Liz is with Iris, Rudolph is available to go to a movie. Iris picks up the phone and knows nothing about the lecture - until she suddenly realizes Liz has lied to George and covers her tracks. But too late! The cat is out of the bag and both wonder where Liz can be!
After a commercial for Jell-O, the story resumes with Liz arriving home from babysitting, driven by Mr. Pearson, Tommy’s father (Jack Kruschen). George is waiting up for her to ask her about the lecture. Liz lies and says the lecture was about financial matters.
LIZ: “He said not to put your money in fiscals this year. The frost ruined them all.”
About the British pound:
LIZ: “It’s being invalidated. It won’t be long before the pound only weighs eight ounces. It makes easier to carry their money around.”
George finally confronts her that he knows there was no lecture. Liz can’t tell him where she really was, so George assumes that he has a rival. Liz, having no other choice, plays along.
George spends the night sleeping on the couch. Liz fills Katie in on George’s misapprehension, enjoying the fun. Iris phones and asks Liz about ‘the other man’ in her life. Liz denies there is another man and Iris assumes she is lying to her!
George seeks advice from his boss, Mr. Atterbury, who suggest he fight fire with fire and pretend he is in love with another woman. George thinks it might work and is determined to try it.
Next day Liz is ready to leave to baby sit and George acts unbothered. Liz is bewildered by his behavior. He says that he is doing the same thing. Liz accuses him of making it up. To prove it, he makes a phone call to Mr. Atterbury, pretending it is his old girlfriend Helen. Mr. Atterbury plays along, but luckily Liz can’t hear his voice - just the radio listeners. Liz storms out angry.
Mr. Pearson leaves for the day and George is at the door to confront him - thinking he is Liz’s lover! He knocks him out! Liz tells him the truth.
LIZ: “You just punched yourself out of a Christmas present!”
In the live Jell-O commercial Lucy and Bob LeMond adopt a western theme. Hopalong Lucidy is tracking down the notorious Jell-O family.
LUCIDY: “Yippe-yi-o-ky-ah!”
Coincidentally, when Lucy Ricardo babysits in “The Amateur Hour” (ILL S1;E14) the song she performs with the Hudson Twins is also a western.
After the commercial Bob LeMond does a PSA for CARE, who are sending food packages to impoverished people overseas. There is also a commercial for Log Cabin Syrup, another General Foods product.
#My Favorite Husband#Lucille Ball#Babysitting#Richard Denning#Ruth Perrott#Bea Benadaret#Gale Gordon#Jello#Jack Kruschen#I Love Lucy#Amateur Hour#Atomic Beanie#Bob LeMond#Christmas Club
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hey! for the tarot cards reading, a love or relationship would be cool! his name starts with D and mine J. He’s a scorpio and i’m a Libra if that matters. We met off Bumble too LOL. thank you and if you can’t do it no worries! 🥺❤️
here you go darl
Tarot: 2 of pentacles, 9 of pentacles, 2 of cups, 9 of cups, 8 of pentacles, queen of swords, 7 of cups, 2 of swords
okay these cards literally made me so fucking angry last night when i pulled them and you’ll see why in a minute, but hopefully in typing this up i’ll figure out what they’re getting at. This first set I drew asking the cards about you and D in a general sense.
(One interesting thing to note before we start is that there is only 1 court card here which later you’ll see that i took to represent you. Which means that D doesn’t really appear in this reading so it’s all very internally focused on you. I will say that the bottom of the jane austen deck when i finished pulling these cards was the king of pentacles (the other bottom deck card was the wheel of fortune) so if we take that king has representing D, that shows that you’re relative equals, of a similar age/experience level and also that this does concern him but it’s still about you.)
So, anyway, let’s start with that 2 of pentacles. It’s a card about balance - weighing up options to make a decision, balancing priorities when your situation changes. It’s being clarified by the 8 of pentacles which represents apprenticeship. Normally the 8 of pents would appear in relation to someone starting a new job or course of study, things like that, but if we look at it in the context of this potential romantic relationship it’s really just saying its a new thing, still in the early days. There’s passion there but the 8 of pents also symbolises high standards and to me, the two cards together are just saying that you’re at a stage where you’re deciding whether or not to pursue this thing. Is he worth it? Is it likely to go somewhere?
Next we have the 9 of wands and the queen of swords. I think the Queen represents you (swords is tied to the air signs and libra is an air sign). She’s the least emotional of the queens, the most logical. She is loving and loyal but only to those she deems worthy. She’s very selective about who she lets get close to her. And she’s clarifying the 9 of wands which represents resilience and taking a stand, strength in adversity. It’s about protecting yourself. And I think these two cards are a bit of a warning to not get too caught up in the newness of it all, the passion and excitement of a new relationship. Don’t rush it, basically. Think things through properly before you move forward and be as sure as you can be that it’s right for you.
Then we have the 2 of cups which, usually, is one of the best cards to get in a romantic reading, second only to The Lovers I’d say. It’s about partnership and connection. Some people see it as an indication of soulmates or twin flames. It’s a really good indication that the relationship can move forward harmoniously and that there will be a deeper connection. But. Here it’s being clarified by the 7 of cups. There are 2 ways to interpret the 7 of cups. The first is about choices and options. There’s 7 cups there you could drink out of. That’s a lot of choice, a lot of potential paths you could take. If you read it in that way then together these cards could be saying that you have other options for a romantic connection. Or he does. Or, the other way to interpret the 7 of cups is to do with fantasy and imagination and daydreaming. Maybe this is all a bit of a pipe dream? Too good to be true? Perhaps this is a warning about imagining what might be before you know where he stands, or about having unrealistic expectations about the relationship. Either way, be cautious. I did also pull a third card to try and clarify these two further this morning (lord knows why i didn’t do that to start) and i got the 7 of swords which on one hand is about deception and trickery, and on the other is about determination. So it didn’t really do a whole lot of clear things up lmao.
(are you starting to see why i was getting annoyed lmao)
Finally, the 9 of pentacles and the 2 of swords. The 9 of pents is a happy card. It’s about receiving the fruits of your labour, being rewarded, feeling accomplished. There’s a sense that you’ve been waiting a while for someone decent to come along and this potential relationship is your reward for that. It’s the universe saying you’ve been patient and now it’s your turn. But the 2 of swords under is another card about decisions and choice so we’re back to where we fucking started. Another 2. More balancing. More decisions. It can also represent a stalemate of sorts, indecision. Maybe you have a feeling that your family or friends wouldnt like him, maybe you’re used to being autonomous and independent and aren’t sure how that will be effected by being in a relationship. Whatever it is, something is being weighed up here, something needs to be decided.
SO, after that I decided to draw a few more tarot cards to try and get an indication of this decision and where the relationship was headed in 2021. This is where i started to get really annoyed lmao
tarot: seven of swords, 3 of cups, 8 of wands, 2 of wands, ace of wands, 7 of wands, king of pentacles
So the 7 of pentacles (wild that i just drew this card as a clarifier but anyway), like i said before, trickery/deception and determination. With the ace of wands under it i’m inclined to lean more towards determination. See, the ace of wands is about creation and willpower and desire. It indicates that there is a spark here, excitement and passion and things are heating up or are on the precipice of doing so. And someone (you or him or both of you) is willing it to go further, for something to come of it. I will say, with the 7 of swords, maybe be wary for any sense that he’s lying about something or even just be wary about what you say because small white lies can become big problems later on. But, I definitely see it as more of a determination thing, that theres a push to move forward with the relationship or at least a desire to.
Next is the 3 of cups which is about community, friendship and celebration. But it’s being clarified by the 7 of wands which is about perseverance and maintaining control. There is some sort of conflict here. With these two cards it might be that an issue would arise with a friend in relation to D. It could also just be a delay of sorts or that one or both of you place boundaries within the relationship that causes some friction. Whatever it is isn’t a deal breaker though because the 7 of wands is also about overcoming challenges so you will get through whatever this conflict is.
And then we have the last 3 cards. The 8 of wands, the 2 of wands and the king of pentacles. Firstly, just want to point out how many wands cards there are. wands are tied to the element of fire which is passionate and full of potential so it’s not a bad thing to see a lot of. Anyway, this 8 and 2 fucking pissed me off. The 8 of wands is about rapid action, quick decisions, fast movement. The 2 of wands is about planning and hesitating and deliberating. The man on the card wants to go out into the world but he’s just standing there thinking about it. They have entirely opposite energies and they both came out together. Then there’s the king of pents. The same king I saw at the bottom of the deck after the first lot of cards. He represents abundance and prosperity and security. He’s an indication of a great partner, someone who is supportive and dependable and generous, though he can be slow to make a commitment. It could be that D is deliberating himself, tossing up whether to suggest taking another step with you or waiting to see if you suggest it first. It definitely feels like he’s stuck between fast and slow though. Maybe he’s thinking about where things could go but doesn’t want to rush them?
Then I drew your oracle cards.
Your love oracle is Bianca Del Rio. She has three pieces of advice which i’ll give you though they might not all resonate.
A unicorn is a horse with extra potential / True love is clearly illegal in most states.../Everyone needs that special someone who can stroke your hair while you cough with your head in the toilet.
The two secret garden cards are:
Move: A rolling stone gathers no moss / Wallflower: Look for the crack in the concrete to find your way out
so again we have that idea of pushing forward
And then the two heart cards are:
Time - You are trying too hard. Give it time. / Wait! - Don’t rush into it. Allow nature to take its course.
So another message about going slow and taking your time and not rushing. honestly what the fuck
finally, i thought that maybe using another deck would give me something to actually work with. So i pulled 6 cards from my Friends themed deck and this is what i got:
9 of wands (again) / ace of pentacles ‘/ 10 of wands / the emperor / the chariot / temperance
the emperor is about perseverance, authority and control so with this under the 9 of wands (which as i said before is about resilience) theres a desire to move forward. Even in the face of a delay or a setback, this person is still pushing to move forward. It might be that one or both of you has experiences setbacks in love in the past and see this potential romance as the end of your trials and the beginning of something real, something better.
The ace of pentacles is another card about new opportunities and new beginnings and the prosperity they bring. The chariot is about control and willpower and moving forward. It’s where you currently are. This relationship is only beginning but theres a desire for it to go further.
And then we have the 10 of wands which is about success but its not an easy success. It’s also a bit of a burden or brings extra responsibility with it. And temperance under is is about patience and moderation and self-control. Theres a need to reduce pressure here, maybe to slow down. Go with the flow for a while and stop worrying about what is coming.
Hopefully all this has been helpful in some way? Honestly while i was drawing cards it just felt like i kept getting the same messages over and over so hopefully it resonates. If you have any specific questions or want me to try and clarify any points here, send me another message and i’ll see what i can tell you!
#this got LONK#i wasnt happy with anything i was drawing tbh#i like things to be more certain that what was coming up#anyway#there you go#card readings
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𝚒’𝚍 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚢𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 ; that there is APRIL RIGGS , notorious for being ( deceitful ) and ( superficial ) , but there are times when she can be ( charismatic ) and ( strategic ) . i've heard that she could pass as a MEGAN FOX doppelganger , but i don't see it . the ( thirty-five ) year - old cis woman has been in town for ( two weeks / majority of her life ) and they are a ( socialite ) by day and murder suspect by night . they tend to spark images of swarovski crystal champagne flutes raised in the air , a 14 carat diamond ring left on the bedside table , a singed undergrad diploma , a stranger in the mirror , a stadium full of empty applause , the lethal combination of a stepford wife and stifler’s mom . you’ll know when they walk by because they always seem to be blasting feeling good by NINA SIMONE . it truly explains why they're known as THE TROPHY .
to know:
UPDATE: her full bio is here. gives more important insight into the relationship she has/had with her mother.
triggers: neglect, brief mention of statutory rape
i got very ‘poetic’ in the ‘a little further’ portion of the app and described her as a trophy in my first bullet point… so there you have it! you see, no matter what she did, she was always only praised for her appearance. just a trophy!!
she was born (in taunwick) to a very successful politician and her trophy husband. therefore, she spent much of her time alone as her mother was busy campaigning or throwing galas while her father, her mother’s trophy husband, went along for the ride.
there were very few times they spent any ‘quality time’ together – picture what i think was the first scene (one of!) in mommie dearest where joan crawford is turning her daughter’s birthday into a photo op. that was pretty much their definition of quality family time. it could be successfully argued that april’s mother figures all came in the form of nannies.
it could also be successfully argued that, unlike lionel, april is part of the daddy issues™ club. as will be very evident afhdliuwdsjn
probably also part of the mommy issues™ club aflhskd
mother riggs probs would go off about wire hangers but... u kno... not to the mommie dearest point...
what should be taken away rn is that she was literally raised to be shallow fhlakjds
she began an entitlement act rather young - there were only two people who saw through it, one of which will be sent in as a wc and the other… being harley!! bc gotta get april connected to the murders somehow!! gotta give her a reason to stay in taunwick too but!! that’s a problem for a future bullet.
there are those annoying kids who refuse to share their toys and all. and they usually grow out of it. but april… did not. elementary? demon child. junior high? demon preteen. high-school? demon teenager.
now!! on the topic of high-school!! if her age is any indication, she is not part of the class of 2000 - if i have my math right (possibly don’t, i once legit studied for a math exam and wound up still only getting a 34), she was part of the class of 2003. that being said, one year of hers did overlap with everyone else’s - she knew chastity as an acquaintance at best, although she still recognized harley as a friend!! good for her!!
that being said, chastity’s murder….. didn’t have much of an effect on her…. ya it’s v tragic….. but it’s been a week guys :\
her alibi: she was in the woods with someone…….. when pressured to say with who bc animals and trees can’t confirm that…… she was ashamed to say it was someone on the lacrosse team. she usually aimed higher :\
anyway, they all graduated and it was HER TIME TO SHINE!! it was HER TIME to USURP THE THRONE and become THAT BITCH of the school!! probably had .3 real friends, what with the exception of the one wc i plan to send in!! that... was inspired by “jenny” by studio killers… we can’t wait to send it.
did everything she perceived as the it girl stuff, what from joining those cool teams to being crowned her own prom queen to……………. sleeping with teachers. 1) alexa play “daddy issues” by the neighbourhood, 2) fire them.
fun fact tho!! she got into a hella good school. as in the ivy that is columbia. by what was….. partially her own merit…… partially her mother giving a very generous donation. have to make the family look PERFECT!!
she received an art history degree on what was….. partially her own merit…… partially sleeping with professors (see two bullets above.)but... graduation came… and what do you do with an art history degree from an ivy…
you marry rich!!!!!!!
in the perfect parallel that she did not even recognize as a parallel because she’s big dumb, she found a marginally older politician (....it’s gonna be a wc so it’s gonna depend on the player but it’s gonna be 50+ hfdlsjak wld make it older but there j aren’t enough resources!!) and was like *martha (...virginia woolf?) vc* “yes, yes. [he] will do.” *end vc*
in spite of having become marginally more introspective than she was in high-school… she still doesn’t recognize her daddy issues :\
they got married. in spite of it being beautiful and expensive and gaudy, she really didn’t feel anything?? was lowkey GLAD her parents weren’t there (and not in the angsty ‘they never show up to anything anyway :\’ way, in the ‘this is literally wasting everyone’s time’ way). their marriage started and continued as a very unfulfilling one. he, in perfect politician style, began having affairs exactly as she, in perfect april style, began having affairs. while they never directly spoke of them, they knew the other was involved with other people.
why april didn’t divorce him is an excellent question. is it out of a certain selflessness, not wanting to do any damage to his career?? is it out of selfishness, not wanting to lose that sugar daddy?? a little bit of both. probably more the latter tho!!
anyway!! her father finally divorced her mother and she was like “i’m…. gonna say i’m gonna go be a good daughter…. go comfort my mother in this trying time….. but jk i j wanna get away from my husband lmao”
again, barely knows her mother. learned various different languages so she could have fair conversations with the foreign nannies.
but….. he has a reputation to keep up!! and his wife straight-up disappearing and leaving him would be 100x worse than a divorce…. so here he comes!! to save the day!! and his reputation!!
as you can imagine, between her husband figuring out her real motive + her…. barely liking her mother, she would be inclined to return to nyc… but that’s where harley’s murder will come in!! the perfect crime!! literally!!
TL;DR:
a former It Girl™ with daddy issues, mommy issues, and a fear of commitment.
CONNECTION IDEAS:
**open to any gender unless otherwise specified
her husband (m): WILL BE BEING SENT INTO THE MAIN.
that connection based off of “jenny” (f/nb): WILL BE BEING SENT INTO THE MAIN.
various affairs: gotta have those if she’s resigned to a new life… still with her husband :\
‘friends’ from the class of 2002-2005: i think that’s the right range for when she would’ve been THAT BITCH in the high-school?? but ya!! ppl chillin w her for the clout and she was like “this is validating”
enemies from the class of 2002-2005: again, i THINK that’s the right range?? but wow. ppl she didn’t even TRY to be nice to. or ppl who j straight-up hated her. there were plenty of reasons!!
hookups / ‘dates’ from the class of 2002-2005: again with the math?? But ya!! more inclined to ‘date’ those cool folks, but apparently didn’t discriminate with her hookups if her alibi is any clue.
neighbors: up in the hills chillin right next to a very watered down political joan crawford, her trophy husband who yeet’d out of existence, and eventually her very shallow daughter and said shallow daughter’s husband who’s probs closer in age to said very watered down political joan crawford. what could go wrong!!
acquaintances of any sort from the class of 2000: gotta get them skels!!
more to come!!
FURTHER:
for a bit of a better idea:
pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/idkimnewwastaken/april/
playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1416e2ijuY3viSnzi6HjPz?si=sQmXEc5DQlSKbT2t7XZYeQ
musing tag: https://optimiist.tumblr.com/tagged/april-%7C-musings.
mini stats (to be later extended): optimiist.tumblr.com/as (also again with the font) (and notice the irony i have in my url when combining april and lionel!!)
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