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bluebeary-jay · 9 months

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Damage done

Pre/No-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: during a fight with Joel, he unknowingly sends you into a panic attack caused by your previous experiences. he deeply regrets it. (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: heavy ANGST, hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending (there's also fluff), established relationship, petnames, soft!Joel (he's trying his best fr 🥺). Several years pre outbreak. please read the warnings carefully

Warnings: fighting, talk and mention about previous abusive relationship, panic attack, emotional distress, self-destructive thoughts

Word count: 4K

A/N: i wrote it partially based on experiences with my own panic attacks, but i know everyone's is different. if there's a warning i missed, please let me know. also i want this man to take care of me so much 😢 anyway, stay safe, darlings, and as always: happy reading and i hope you'll enjoy!! 💕 comments and feedback are greatly appreciated 😌

It had been a rough couple of weeks. Things at your work were rocky to say the least, what with your boss firing several people every week and cutting your salary. Joel didn’t have it much better – from what you understood, two clients suddenly canceled their order, and Tommy got himself thrown into jail, again, breaking his longest record to date. On top of that, little Sarah went down with some kind of flu that was raging in schools recently, and for the last two weeks one of you had to be home with her almost all the time.

So it was probably no wonder that the tension and stress became too much at one point, and you both snapped.

It was about the play at Sarah’s school.

“You promised her, Joel! She was talking about it for the entire week.”

“It’s not my fault we have to go out of town on this date,” he answered through clenched teeth, pinching the bridge of his nose and not looking up at you. “I tried to reschedule, but the commissioning party refused. I can’t help it, for fuck’s sake.”

You were glad Sarah wasn’t home right now to listen to your fight. You dropped her off earlier at her friend’s house because she wanted to practice lines for the play they were doing next week. The play that Joel was apparently planning to miss.

You adored Joel – god, you loved him with all that you had – but he could be so stubborn sometimes, it was driving you up the fricking wall.

“It’s your kid, Joel–”

“Yeah, it’s my kid!” he raised his voice, only now lifting his head. His stare was cold and hard, so unlike how he usually looked at you. “Not yours.”

“Are you kidding me?!” you shouted, hurt by his words and the tone he used. “I’ve been taking care of her, loving her– She is like a daughter to me!”

“But still not yours,” he repeated harshly. That was a low blow, especially when he told you so many times that you might not be Sarah’s biological mother, but it’s obvious you love her like she’s your own blood.

“You’re only saying that ‘cause you know I’m right,” you snarled angrily, and Joel huffed a humorless laugh.

“Of course. You always know better, dont’cha?” He stood up, towering over you, but you didn’t back down. If anything, it only made you more mad, as if he was doing this to intimidate you. “I’m sorry I’m such a terrible father in your eyes, but I have to think about earning money. Especially since it’s only a matter of time ‘till that asshole boss of yours will fire you, too.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?! You really think so lowly of me to say it won’t be long until I get fired?”

“I don’t– Christ, you’re puttin’ words in my mouth again.”

“Again. Of course.” You spat out and took your sweatshirt from the couch, done with him and this conversation. “I’m going to my home,” you told him dryly. Joel’s nostrils flared and he took a step forward.

“No, you’re not.”

“Fuckin’ watch me,” you muttered under your breath, but loud enough for him to hear.

“We are not finished!!” Joel screamed, his booming voice echoing throughout the house.

It felt like a slap. In one second you froze, all your muscles seized up and a feeling of coldness gripped your heart and throat, sending panic flooding your veins. The sweatshirt you were holding slipped out from your stiff fingers.

Joel has never raised his voice at you like that. Never with such anger and fury. There was a bite to his tone that you couldn’t explain, but which you knew very well – the telltale sign that you went too far, and the other person’s patience was at an end, that now you were going to pay for it.

Your previous boyfriend taught you what it means. It meant bruises and split lips, and screaming when you started crying…

Joel noticed the shift in your behavior right away, and his anger immediately ebbed, replaced by confusion and concern.

“Darlin’?” he murmured the pet name, though it rolled off his tongue heavily and with difficulty.

He was still furious at you and your refusal to understand what he was going through, but it all died down when he saw how wide, how empty your eyes were. Your knees buckled, and you looked like you could fall down at any moment.

Joel didn’t have any idea what was happening with you – but knew that whatever it was, it was his fault.

You, in the meantime, felt like you couldn’t breathe. The man in front of you – you weren’t even sure anymore who that was – took a step forward with his hand lifted, and you quickly backed away, stumbling in the process.

“No! N-no, no, please, I’m sorry–” you started blabbering and sobbing, wrapping one arm around your middle to protect all the main internal organs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“No, you didn’t…”

“Please… I’m sorry, I swear,” you cried, trembling at this point, but not daring to escape the room. “I’ll be better, just don’t… Please, don’t…”

Joel’s heart broke when he saw you bursting into tears and trying to make yourself as small as possible. All his anger disappeared in a cloud of smoke, replaced by the overpowering need to comfort the girl he loved.

But you seemed so scared when he wanted to come closer… And he didn’t know how to proceed.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he repeated in an even softer tone, his eyebrows scrunching in worry. “Sweetheart… M’not gonna hurt you.”

He took another slow step forward, but that seemed to already be too much, because the trembling intensified and you practically slumped against the wall, one arm around your stomach, and the other squeezing your throat tightly. Joel feared to know the reason why you would do that to yourself.

“Stop, plea– I can’t– I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“No, it’s okay, my baby, it’s alright…”

He fell down to his knees next to you and reached to take you in his arms, but you started shaking your head violently, backing away and squirming out of his reach.

“No, no, please, I’m sorry! Don’t– don’t touch me!!”

A bile rose up in his throat, and he retreated his hands, holding them low in front of him to show he’s not going to do anything.

“It’s alright, babygirl,” he muttered chokingly, feeling completely helpless and lost about what to do. “You… you’re safe.”

You were crying uncontrollably now, though it seemed like you tried to stifle the never-ending sobs and tears flowing out of your eyes, in result making your entire body shake. You flinched – actually flinched – when Joel opened his mouth, and your fingers around your throat tightened their grip.

“No,” Joel said decisively, breaking your wish and grabbing your wrists, moving them away from your neck where red crescents started to form. “Baby, please, don’t.”

“Let go!!” It was hard to distinguish the words from between your cries, but the message your body language was conveying was clear as day. “No, don’t… me…” You sobbed again, quickly weakening despite your efforts. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Come ‘ere,” Joel whispered in a voice full of pain, carefully shifting closer and wrapping his arms around you, though being careful not to make you feel too crowded or trapped. “Shhh… it’s Joel, darlin’, m’here.”

Surprisingly, you let him hold you – maybe it was just because you didn’t have strength to resist and fight back anymore, Joel thought, but maybe you recognized him. Maybe it was both. But the tears didn’t stop. No matter how gently he stroked your back or whispered reassuring words, you couldn’t seem to stop crying.

Several times in the next couple of minutes you tried to grasp your neck or arm again, but every time he delicately, though firmly, moved them away. You still babbled half-intelligible apologies and pleas, and each time your voice broke or hitched on another fearful word, Joel’s heart was shattering into a million pieces all over again.

“I’m sorry…” you sobbed again, trembling in his arms. “I’m sorry, don’t hurt me, p-please–...”

“My darlin’...” Joel held you closer and more securely in his arms, rocking you back and forth. “Sweetheart, my sweet, sweet girl… I’m never gonna hurt you, I swear.” He planted soft, delicate kisses on your hair. Even though he wanted to hug you tightly, to show you how much he loves and cares about you, he restrained himself and tried to keep his touch as gentle as possible. “I swear, my babygirl, m’sorry, so sorry for screamin’... Didn’t mean to.”

You were still crying, albeit weaker now, in his arms, clinging to him like your life depended on it. Joel could feel your nails digging themselves into the skin of his back, but it was the furthest thing on his mind – hell, he could start bleeding and still it wouldn’t be as important as comforting you at this moment. Better him than you.

“I love you s’much, my babygirl, my life,” Joel continued murmuring into the top of your head, feeling close to crying himself when your tears seemingly couldn’t stop flowing. “M’so sorry. I won’t ever hurt you like that again, I swear…”

His words, though full of love and compassion, rolled off you like water off a duck’s back, and you still couldn’t locate yourself, couldn’t tether your being to this world and make sense of the difference between what you knew should happen, and what was actually happening.

Your whole body was hurting, yes, but it wasn’t the pain of being repeatedly hit. You could barely hear your own cries, but it wasn’t because of vicious and cruel words being thrown at you. You knew it was Joel you were clinging to, and he never hurt you in this way, but… but you also were never so angry at each other. You never fought like this – and experience taught you that crossing that invisible line will carry certain consequences.

You weren’t angry now. You were scared. And confused.

“Joel,” you whimpered between gasps, struggling to breathe through your rapid sobs. “I’m sorry. Please, don’t– don’t go.”

“M’not leavin’ ya, babygirl.” He spoke into your hair, closing his eyes. “M’not goin’ anywhere.”

You were calming down a little now, the sobs wrecking your body and breaking Joel’s heart dying down, though you were still shivering. Joel continued to hold and soothe you the best he could.

And wondered who must’ve hurt his darling so much that you’d react so badly.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered after a while, sniffling into Joel’s chest, but trying not to get snots on his shirt. Joel sighed sadly, but his hold on you just tightened.

“No, babygirl, my darlin’...” He pressed his lips to your hairline, stroking your back with his other hand. “You have nothin’ to be sorry for, I swear. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” you whimpered pitifully, unable to stop another wave of tears from falling. “I’m sorry I reacted like that. I know… Joel, I know you won’t hurt me. Baby, please.” You took his head in your hands, searching his eyes with fear painted across your face. “I’m so sorry, wasn’t thinking and…”

“Hey. Love, it’s fine.” He placed his own hands on your cheeks, stroking lightly your damp skin with his thumbs. “Don’t say that. M’not angry at you and would never be because of that. It’s… it’s okay.” He petted your hair, trying to relax for your sake, but his chest remained tight. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

You nodded weakly, though you weren’t sure if you believed him. Joel swallowed heavily and nodded after a while, too.

“Okay. I… I’ll run you a bath,” he whispered, but you held his hand tighter and shook your head with tears gathering in your eyes again.

“No, no! Just s-stay with me, please.”

Joel took your face in his hands, but you closed your eyes, feeling too vulnerable and exhausted to even try to maintain eye contact.

“I’m here, baby. C’mon, just hold onto me.”

He waited until your arms were around his neck before slowly standing up and tucking you securely in his arms. You hid your wet face in the crook of Joel’s neck, breathing in his soothing smell and trying to calm your breathing, which you still found difficult.

Neither of you said anything when he took you to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet seat and started to fill the bathtub with water and soothing oils. You just watched him, wiping your nose every once in a while.

Still remaining silent, Joel extended his hand and helped you stand up. Then, almost with fearful hesitation, he touched the hem of your shirt, sending you a questioning look. You just nodded, not having strength to undress yourself, and lifted your arms, letting him take your clothes off.

You didn’t let go of his hand even after he guided you to sit in the tub. You couldn’t bear being alone with your thoughts right now, and Joel, being as wonderful of a man as he was, stayed by your side as the warmth from the water seeped through your tired bones.

Another several minutes passed before he finally asked the question that was gnawing at him since the very beginning. You must’ve subconsciously known it was coming, cause it didn’t even surprise you.

“Who was it?” he asked quietly. His hand was still caressing your palm with the gentlest of touches, but his eyes were like ice, full of hidden rage and hatred. “Who did this to you, darlin’?”

You wrapped your arms around yourself, not sure whether to answer or not. Ever since you got to know him, Joel has been nothing but kind and understanding, never pressuring you into doing or saying something you didn’t want… but you had a feeling he wasn’t going to let the matter drop.

And honestly, you were afraid to tell him. To admit how your previous relationship looked and what exactly happened to make you act so strongly about something so small. Because… what if he’ll realize how broken you are, how much effort it’d take to put up with you, and he’ll leave? Even if he was willing to take care of you, it was really unlikely that he’d stay – even if he says that now.

You were doing good until today. You managed to hide the issues you had with yourself and all the pain you carried inside, never letting Joel know that something was wrong with you. But now he… he will…

You didn’t want him to leave. He made your life so much better and you loved him to pieces with all your heart, as weak and broken as it was.

You couldn’t lose him.

“Oh, baby…” Joel’s hands cupped your cheeks so carefully and lovingly that you almost started weeping again. “M’not goin’ anywhere. I love ya so much. You’re never gonna lose me.”

You didn’t realize you said those words out loud, but even so, somehow his affirmations didn’t make you feel any better. You wanted them to comfort you, but if anything, they just made you feel sick.

“I’m afraid you’re gonna leave someday,” you whispered hoarsely, keeping your eyes on the slowly disappearing bubbles. “I know I’m being selfish, but I don’t want you to. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Joel. I…” Tears spilled from your eyes again and you shook your head. “I know I’m too much. And… and broken. And I know it sounds like I wanna guilt-trip you, but I’m not, I’m just–” You choked on a sob, and wrapped your arms tighter around yourself, hugging your knees to your chest. “I don’t– don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Sweetheart, look at me, please.” Joel’s hands were rough to the touch, but so incredibly gentle when they guided you to meet his eyes, and a big pit formed in your stomach when you saw how they shone. He was on the verge of tears, too. “Don’t say things like that. Nothin’ is wrong with you. Who…” He sighed again. “Who made you believe such things?”

You didn’t answer at first, but Joel kept staring at you, and – finally – you relented.

“My previous boyfriend. The one I didn’t want to talk about. He– Look, I know he was a horrible person.” You let out a short laugh, but without any joy – or emotions altogether – in it. “And I hate him so much, but he… he was right. About some things.”

“He’s not.” Joel didn’t back down, feeling despair growing inside his chest as he saw the girl he adored with his whole heart put herself down like that. “You’re… fuck, you’re perfect, darlin’, and you didn’t deserve to be treated or talked to this way. M’so sorry it happened to you.”

He brushed some of your hair to the back and sighed silently. He seemed so lost and sad, it made you feel even worse.

“What can I do?”

That stopped the train of your thoughts, and you looked up.

“What?”

“What can I do?” he repeated softly. “To prove t’you that I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Your lips parted, and you were unsure what to say. Joel took your hand in his, delicately tracing patterns on the back of it.

“Babygirl, listen to me. You’re the most precious thing t’me. I don’t care what this asshole told you, but… but none of this is true. And it’s not gonna drive me away from you. Nothin’ is gonna make me leave,” he repeated more firmly, never taking his eyes off you. “Because I love you. More than anythin’ else in the world”

Joel sounded so sincere and desperate, tugging at your heartstrings with his gentle, sad eyes and loving words. The water became cool some time ago, but your insides felt like they were on fire – as if the next breath you were about to take would be your last.

“I’m sorry for everything I said.” You took a shaky breath, trying to keep your voice steady. “I don’t think you’re a bad father. I think you’re the best and most amazing dad Sarah could ever ask for. I didn’t want…” You sniffed and your shoulders started to shake again with silent cries. “I didn’t want to hurt you, I’m so sorry, I didn’t–”

The sob that you tried to stop with all your might suddenly escaped you, and Joel’s forehead scrunched in worry. He pulled you closer, leaning over the edge of the bathtub. Neither of you concerned yourself with water dripping off your skin, only feeling relieved from each other’s closeness.

“I know, babygirl. M’not mad.” Joel left a lingering kiss on your tearstained cheek, and then a second one on your forehead. “I’m sorry, too. For how I acted and for–” he sighed heavily into your shoulder, “for shouting at ya.”

“You couldn’t have known,” you mumbled, but he shook his head.

“That’s no excuse. I shouldn’t ‘ave done it in the first place.” He relaxed in your arms, and somehow it made your muscles less tense, too. “I’ll see what I can do about that job. So that I can see Sarah’s play.”

You nodded and let your eyelids drop, giving in to the feeling of calm and security that always came with being with Joel.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” you asked quietly. You still were a little afraid that he’s going to turn you down after what happened, but you really didn’t want to stay alone. “With you?”

“‘Course you can. D’ya want to go now?”

You nodded again. Not bathing seemed like a big waste of water, but you didn’t feel strong enough to actually wash your body. And Joel didn’t pressure you – he just bent over and wrapped his strong arms around you, practically pulling you out of the tub by himself.

His clothes were completely soaked when he put you down and reached for the fluffiest towel you had, wrapping it around you like a little cocoon. He got rid of his wet shirt, kissed your head gently and, without a word, scooped you up into his arms again.

“I can stand,” you offered when he started walking towards the bedroom, forcing you to wrap your hands around his neck for support.

“I want to take care of you.”

“But your back pains…”

“I’m not that old yet, sweetheart,” he answered with a half-smile, slowing down and gazing into your eyes softly. “Let me take care of you.”

You brushed his cheek with your fingertips tenderly, eyes flickering across his face. “But you’re always taking care of everyone, Joel.”

His throat bobbed and he almost immediately looked away. It was clear what he was thinking – that according to himself, he wasn’t doing a good enough job. Because you got hurt. Because he was the one who unintentionally hurt you and sent you into a panic attack.

He was silent when he put you down on the bed with care, turning around to fetch one of his shirts from the closet. During this whole time you didn’t say anything, either. Your mind was still a little closed off from when you tried to separate yourself from the painful memories that started to haunt you, and despite Joel’s efforts, it was still difficult to move past the experience.

But your head snapped up when Joel, after helping you put the shirt on, knelt in front of you, took your hand in his and leaned forward to kiss your knee gently.

“M’sorry,” Joel whispered with pain tinging his deep voice. “I’m sorry for sayin’ all those things about you and Sarah. I know you love her.” He pressed his lips to your knee again, and lifted his head, revealing how misty his own eyes were, which in turn made your heart ache even more. “My sweet girl. I swear I won’t ever hurt you again.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” you answered quietly, but Joel shook his head and took a deep breath.

“What can I do?” he repeated his question from earlier, and this time you knew exactly what you needed him for.

“Can you… can you hold me?”

Without missing a beat, Joel raised from his position and enveloped you in his embrace, making you feel safe and protected like never before. You sighed heavily, breathing in his scent and feeling like just by touching you with such love that only he was capable of, he helped you to lift some invisible load from your shoulders.

Despite the headache from all the crying and your chest still tightening with every shallow breath you took, you felt a little better now. You didn’t feel alone.

You knew you were safe with Joel.

It took some time for you to fall asleep, but even when you did, Joel could not find peace in the silky darkness of the evening.

Before you dozed off, Joel vowed again and again how much you mean to him, how you and Sarah are the best things that ever happened to him, and how he’ll never let anything happen to any of you – and he could clearly see that you believed his every word, and that you weren’t mad at him. You weren’t flinching when he rocked you back and forth, or later when he pressed small kisses to your forehead.

But you still were quiet and your face miserable, and several times Joel tucked you in closer to himself when he felt you shaking and sniffing. There wasn’t anything else he could do but hold you and whisper soothing promises into your hair. Once your eyelids started to drop, he began humming a familiar melody he knew you liked, and you nuzzled your face into his neck, curling up in his embrace.

And you whispered ‘I love you’ before you drifted off to an uneasy sleep in his arms. And before he could even answer, you thanked him for loving you.

When he heard it, he had to keep himself from breaking down with the last bit of his strength.

“You mean everythin’ to me, love. Everythin’,” he murmured after a couple of seconds, not even knowing if you were still awake. The guilt in his chest made it hard to breathe, but he pushed through it, and then he softly kissed your forehead, making a promise to himself.

He will find time to go to Sarah’s play with you. And he’ll make it right.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the last of us #joel miller x y/n #tlou hbo #young joel miller #sarah miller #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff

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monzaaasharl · 3 months

Text

Mama

Pairings:: F1 drivers x Female driver! Reader, Christian Horner x Daughter! Reader, Geri Halliwell x Daughter! Reader

Summary:: Geri Halliwell-Horner shows social media just how proud she is of her daughter and her journey into motorsport, and that their mother-daughter bond really is special and unbreakable.

Speedy Spice Masterlist

gerihalliwellhorner

Liked by y/nhorner, porschef1 and 837,615 others

gerihalliwellhorner I'm so immensely proud of you, my darling. It feels that only yesterday you were begging me to take you to the race track so you could practice your karting skills and now you're driving a Formula One car! You've come so far and been through so much. I can't wait to see you on the circuit!

y/nhorner I'm so lucky to be you're daughter 🩷

gerihalliwellhorner I'm lucky to be you're mother

y/nnnn.xx_ Why can't I have this sort of relationship with my mum

leclerccc_.baee ^^^ fr, they seem like such a perfect family

christianhorner ❤️

oscc.norris_814 I want Geri to be my mum 😭

y/nhorner

Liked by pierregasly, gerihalliwellhorner and 5,739,016 others

y/nhorner Thank you to everyone that has helped me to get to where I am today, this opportunity to drive in Formula 1 is a dream come true. Thank you to my father for buying me my first ever kart and for getting me into racing. But my biggest thank you is to my mother for always believing in me and making sure I never gave up working for this. You're my biggest fan and I'm yours too ❤️

gerihalliwellhorner I love you so much, my darling, you've always made me so proud ❤️

y/nhorner I couldn't have done it without you ❤️

christianhorner As your father I can't wait to see you in action in Bahrain, but as your opponent I'm definitely a bit worried

y/nhorner As your daughter I will make you proud and as your competitor I will make you scared 😂

mickschumacher I can't wait to have you as a teammate

Liked by y/nhorner

shelovesformula1 You're going to smash it!!!

Liked by y/nhorner

lewisss.88 I'm actually so excited for this like there's finally a female formula one driver

webber21vettel She's either gonna be amazing or a flop 😬

s55nz.sf I feel like she's already been overhyped

16_jenson.alo Fr, theres a reason women don't drive in f1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TAGLIST:

@treehouse-mouse @champomiel @honkyscats @nightreader16 @cherry-piee @welovediaaxx @trouble-sistar @namgification @awhbigail @itsjustkhaos @sam-is-lost @fluvsof @blueberry64857959 @2pagenumb

If you would like to be added or taken off of the taglist please comment, send and ask or message me x

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as-is-above-so-below · 1 year

Text

The Captain - Simon Riley x Sniper!Reader, Wife!Reader

Part 6: Darling

summary: Ghost’s sniper wife (reader) joins Task Force 141 on an op, against his wishes call sign: Freyja warning: implied sexual content, MDNI Note: PART 6 HAS ARRIVED! Thank you for all of your support! A special thank you to @lethalchiralium and @peachesofteal for workshopping with me, per usual, and being my beta! Enjoy and blessed be! (p.s. ghost drinking an orange sodie lol) << Previous | Next >>

Simon could hear his daughter’s screams as he came up the walkway to their front door, duffel slung over his shoulder. He had returned from a month-long deployment an hour ago and only allowed himself enough time to debrief and return his weapons once on base before hopping in his car and heading home.

He entered the house, still in full gear (mask and all), to find his heavily pregnant wife pacing the living room, their crying daughter in her arms. Her eyes and cheeks were red when she turned to the door, sobbing in relief at the sight of him.

“Oh, sweetheart. What’s going on?” he asked, dropping his bag by the door and going to her.

“She has a-a cold.”

“I can see that.” He wiped at the snot and drool on Joanie’s lip with his glove. “Where’s Roach?”

“He went to pick König up. You didn’t see him?”

“No. Must’ve just missed ‘im.” When Price handed out assignments for their most recent deployment, Roach had offered (more like decided) to stay with Freyja for the duration of his absence. With König also deployed, it made sense for him to help her with the baby and housekeeping while Simon was gone. Better than staying on base – alone – for a month. Knowing someone was in the house with his family made him feel better about leaving for such an extended period, especially with his track record. The last time he had left the country, leaving his pregnant spouse behind…

Simon rubbed his daughter’s back, his heartstrings tugging at the thought of her being in pain. “Give ’er here, I’ll take a turn.”

“Si, no, you must be exhausted-”

“I am exhausted, which means I’m in no mood to argue. Go to bed, love, please.”

His pleading didn’t seem to affect her as she went back to doing laps around the couch. “The doctor said there’s nothing we can do. It just has to pass. I’ve tried everything. Chest salve, shower steam, saline – nothing’s working. Every-Every time we put her down or sit down, the screaming just gets worse. Can’t stop…moving, and your son is kicking the shit out of me-”

This was ironic, considering how Joan only kicked when Simon or one of their friends spoke or touched her belly. Now, their son only ever kicked for her.

“Freyja.”

She stopped her rambling and found he had stepped into her path; he firmly held her biceps and dragged his hands up and down. Freyja sniffled as another tear slipped down her cheek. No singular word could describe how she felt (and probably looked). Drained, fatigued, beaten, dog-tired; none quite did the trick.

“You look like shit. You need to get some rest.”

“No, Simon, please just go to…bed.”

Soon as Ghost took Joan and returned to massaging her spine, her wails simmered to quiet whimpers as she cuddled into him. She dropped her head onto his shoulder, little fingers hanging from the collar of his shirt to the top of his vest. Their baby was getting big, her senseless baby talk beginning to lean more toward coherent vocabulary. When Joanie cried a soft “Dada” against his neck, Freyja started to sob harder, the heels of her palms dug into her eyes.

Shit. “What’s wrong? She stopped screaming bloody murder. That’s a good thing.”

“I’ve been trying to calm her down for hours! You come home, and after five minutes, you’ve fixed it. She hates me! She fucking hates me!”

“Frey, look at me.” He stopped comforting Joan for a moment to tilt his wife’s chin up, forcing her to listen to him. When she did, he took his hand back. “Babies see their mothers as an extension of themselves. She knows your heartbeat and breathing sounds; she gets food from you…”

“Who told you that?”

“…I read about it.”

Freyja softened, tears no longer flowing freely. “You read parenting books?”

“Of course I do. I want to be the best for them and you.” He pulled her into his chest with one arm, his covered lips pressing into her hair. “You are her mother. I could never take your place. You’re her home. But I’ve been gone for a month, and I’ve never been away from her this long. There’s something to be said about missing her dad and wanting some comfort.”

When Simon brushed her tears away, she turned to kiss his palm, then rested her cheek there. Freyja didn’t know how, but her husband sure had a way with words, always knowing how to make her feel better.

“Better?”

“Mhm,” she hummed and, before she could reach to pull his mask up, Joanie whined in frustration, kicking her legs impatiently, about to start up again. Simon chuckled and let his wife go, his heavy boots thunking against the hard floor as he began what would be a long night of getting his steps in.

“Good. Now do as Daddy tells you and go to bed. Don’t make me tell you again.”

Coming up on the end of her pregnancy, the ‘waddling’ stage was in full swing. If Freyja thought she was big just before Joan was born, she was almost certainly a whale now, and she was losing energy much faster than before. This time around, though, they were sure to schedule a c-section for the week before her due date. The OB didn’t put up much of an argument with her medical history and Joan’s early arrival.

Her phone pinged again as she rounded the corner toward her husband’s office.

And again.

Joan’s irritable whines became more evident as she closed in on her destination. “Si, I can only move so fast.”

“Oh, thank god.” Ghost detached Joan’s iron grip from his mask while she was distracted. She continued to kick her little legs against him, trying to get away. “She’s antsy. I can’t get her down for shit. She’s sick of me.”

He wheeled his chair around the desk and tugged her missing sock back on (to her protest) until he reached the other side and placed her feet on the floor. “See? Mum’s here. Go see her,” he cooed, her tiny hands gripping his thumbs for support.

“Dad Ghost” as she had lovingly coined Simon in his work attire, was a walking contradiction. An arguably massive man, a masked mystery to majority of the population on base, snapping otherwise cocky and egotistical soldiers back in line. Still, no one dared to laugh as he screamed at them for poor technique or a lackluster performance with a blonde baby on his hip or strapped to his back. It never failed to make her want to giggle, hearing such a soft, gentle tone from the big scary skull plate affixed to his balaclava.

Freyja was halfway across the room when he stood their daughter between his comically large boots. “She won’t go that far,” she admonished. “If you give her too big of a task, she’s not going to even try-”

As if sensing her mother’s doubt, Joan took a steady step forward, still holding Simon’s hands in deep concentration. Then another, and another –

Until he couldn’t stretch forward anymore, and she let go, hobbling towards Freyja until she stumbled at her feet, letting out a soft baby grunt.

They both stared at each other in silence, eyes wide and mouths agape in shock. Neither spoke for a good minute, until Joanie pulled herself up again by Freyja’s cargo pants, babbling, “Mum mum mum mummm”, gnawing at the thick material and looking up with big, brown eyes.

“Did she just…?”

“I told you, she’s bloody brilliant.” Simon shot up to scoop the baby and place her in his wife’s waiting arms.

“My big, smart girl! I can’t believe it!” She squealed and giggled as Freyja peppered her face in fat, wet kisses and gently shook her. Ghost joined in, playfully nibbling at the rolls on the other side through the black material covering his face. Joanie smacked them both away, screaming with joy. Amongst all the commotion, Price stopped in the doorway on his way to their brief (which they were about to be late for).

“What’s going on here?” he asked, fists on his hips in faux anger. “I thought we had an understanding! No fun at work without Granddad.”

“We officially have a walker on our hands!”

Price gasped and crossed the room in an instant. “And I missed it?!” He shoved the stack of mission folders at the lieutenant and stole his granddaughter from her mother, hiking her high up on his waist. “You walked without me? I’m offended, little miss, but I’ll settle for a victory lap.”

He plucked his green bucket hat off the top of his head and dropped it onto hers, earning a high-pitched shriek of delight when it covered her face. “Let’s roll, everybody. We’ve got a meeting to get to,” he commanded before marching down the hall. “Oi, lads! She walked!”

A chorus of cheers broke out in the distance, followed by a wall-shaking group chant, “Joanie! Joanie! Joanie!”

Freyja just stood there, pouting, arms crossed atop her belly. “Just once, I’d like to celebrate our baby’s milestones in peace.”

“You know that’s not possible, love.” Ghost chuckled next to her, offering a single pat to her ass as they headed to the briefing. While neither of them would be going, it was their job to know what was going on during their impending absence. The ruckus started to die down when the couple sat, and the others followed suit. Soap placed a mug of peppermint tea in front of her, which she thanked him for, and Laswell, Gaz, and Soap filed around the table.

“Kӧnig and Roach should be here shortly,” Price said, bouncing Joan on his lap as Ghost passed out manila folders.

Gaz checked his watch with a furrowed brow. “It’s five past. Maybe they forgot?”

“Just give them a few minutes. I’m sure they’ll be here.”

“His office was closed, so he’s definitely in there. I can go grab ‘im. It’s no trouble,” he offered, the metal legs of his chair scraping against the floor as he stood up.

“Be my guest, Sergeant,” Freyja hummed, making eye contact with John as she sipped her tea, hiding her mischievous grin behind the cup. She waited for an appropriate amount of time, about how long it would take to take ten paces up the hall before she held up five fingers.

“You’re a demon.”

“Five, four, three, two…”

“Verdammt nochmal!”

There’s a loud bang, eerily similar to the sound of a six-foot-six body slamming into the floor. Boots thunder against the ground until Gaz appears in the doorway again, eyes wide and blushing like a madman.

“Genau deshalb habe ich das Militär verlassen, keiner von euch hat den Anstand, verdammt noch mal anzuklopfen!”

“Didn’t knock, did you.”

“Nope.”

“How bad?”

König stomped into the meeting, red as a tomato as he jerked his long, tangled (read: freshly fucked) hair into a knot at the base of his neck before slipping his hood on. Roach walked in behind him, grinning like an absolute idiot (read: clearly the one doing the fucking), albeit a bit flush, and his clothes untucked and wrinkled as he plopped beside John.

“At least I didn’t get knifed this time.”

“Der Tag ist noch jung, Unteroffizier.”

“I don’t know what that means, but it sounded like a threat.”

“It was,” Freyja sang, her body shaking as she attempted to withhold laughter.

By the time Price had finished divulging the details of the op scheduled for the end of the month (which was also around the time of her c-section, which left Freyja and those deploying disappointed), Joanie had escaped his hold to crawl across the table and landed in her mother’s lap. She sat back against Frey’s round belly, happily gnawing on a teething ring while the captain combed her fingers through her soft, blonde curls.

John cleared his throat and leaned back, tipping the chair on its back legs. “So…In a shocking turn of events, Roach is the top–”

“WHAT DID YOU SAY, CAPTAIN?!” Soap screeched after choking on his coffee, leaving a stain on his shirt as it dripped from his nose.

“Oh, mein Gott…”

“I don’t know. What did I say, Sergeant?”

Across the table, Roach held his lips between his teeth as he wheezed, quickly signing, “Only for my king.”

“PLEASE PLÖTZE! Stop talking!” König, finally deciding he’d had enough, shot up from his seat and practically sprinted out of the room, almost bonking his head on the door frame on his way out. A moment later, he stormed back in and snagged his forgotten file awaiting him in Roach’s outstretched hand before turning back out.

Biting his lip, Soap muttered, “Interesting…” to himself, eyeing the Austrian’s retreating form before flicking back over to Roach. The Brit was already looking at him, probably having heard him being sat next to him. He winked with a devilish smirk, and practically purred, “S’alright, happens tae th' best o' us.”

A few days shy of their next mission, and the birth of the newest Riley, the gang gathered around their living room for one last game night before Roach, König, Soap, and John departed for another mission. Roach and König were less than pleased to be missing the birth of their godson, but it couldn’t be helped.

Kyle placed a red eight down on the stack of cards, ending his turn. “C’mon, mate, what’s the wildest thing you’ve done on a mission?” he prodded, raising a brow in Simon’s direction. “You know all our stories. It’s only fair.”

The two shared a knowing look, and Freyja giggled once before Kyle interrupted, “Besides that, you heathens.”

Simon pressed against the kitchen chair he had dragged in for himself, seriously considering what he would consider the most outlandish activity he had partaken in outside of combat. Particularly, that didn’t involve screwing his wife in places they shouldn’t, like public places, sniper lookouts, cars, or supply closets…

Before he could drift too far, he caught the saucy side-eye his wife was throwing him from her deep armchair.

“No.”

Soap peeked up from his hand with a quirked brow. “Does Ghostie have an embarrassing secret? Now we have to know!”

“It’s not a secret, and I’m not embarrassed by it just because I don’t flaunt it around,” he said, shot back the rest of his whiskey, and replaced his mask. Simon didn’t always wear it with their friends; he just so happened to feel inclined to it that night. There was no rhyme or reason as to when he needed the comfort; the urge just came and went as it pleased.

He tried his best to sound completely disinterested, hoping the discussion would blow over as he threw down his card. “Blue.”

Unfortunately, his plan did not work, and all interest in their game of Uno was lost. Kyle threw his hand down on the table, completely giddy. “WHAT IS IT?! TELL US!”

Simon groaned, throwing his cards at his wife, who simply laughed. “See, look what you did.” He sighed and begrudgingly unhooked his mask from behind his ears, tossing that at her too. After a beat, he let his tongue loll out, revealing a silver ball.

Several (if not all) of their jaws dropped, save for Freyja’s, who was utterly thrilled that this was happening.

Johnny was the first to speak. “Is…that…” he stuttered, staring unabashedly in disbelief.

He snapped his mouth shut again once everyone had had a decent look. “Alright, can we move on please–”

The Scot pounced across the space, clearing the coffee table as he knocked Simon out of his chair, taking them both down into a heap on the floor. They wrestled as he tried to dig his fingers into Ghost’s mouth and pry it open again. “LEMME SEE!”

“JOHNNY!” Simon roared, bucking and thrashing his hips in attempt to get the man off, but he quickly scooted up until he sat firmly on his chest, knees pinning his shoulders as he yanked the piercing back out.

“Awe, so that’s why you’re always fuckin’ like horny teenagers! Oh, ah bet that feels good on your cu-”

“SHUT UP, SOAP!” “THAT’LL DO!”

Freyja whipped her slipper at Johnny’s head, which he swiftly dodged. Meanwhile, Gaz was face down on the floor, having a fit and struggling to breathe. Price looked like he would actually rather die than endure another moment of the scene unfolding at his feet. Kӧnig was carefully weaving between people and furniture to remove Soap before he got hurt, and Roach stayed in his spot, mouth open in silent laughter.

Thank God Joanie was a heavy sleeper.

“Are you gonnae sit there ‘n tell meh that a’m wrong? A husband should always eat arse!”

“JOHNNY, OH MY FUCKING GOD!”

Kyle finally caught his breath and cut back in, “But does it WORK?!”

Everybody froze, including Kӧnig, whose hands looped under Johnny’s armpits, about to extract him. From underneath him, Simon glared up at his wife (who started this whole fucking mess). “Freyja–”

But Freyja, being the brat she is and loving the chaos, “…It works.”

Simon covered his face with both of his now freed hands, so utterly sick of her shit as the sergeant shook his shoulders, he and Gaz both screaming like madmen. Kӧnig still hovered over them, ready to remove Johnny if Simon called for it, his red hair up in a neat top knot at the crown of his head. A few strands hung loosely by his ears and at the peak of his forehead, framing his pale skin.

“AAAAAYYYYYY, SO YOU DO GIVE GOOD HEAD!”

He removed his shield at that, looking up at Johnny with a confused expression. “Who said I don’t give good head?”

Price flinched with a crinkled nose and grabbed his hat from the back of the couch. “That’s my cue.”

“Scary guys either have monster cock or scary good head,” Kyle stated as if it were pure fact.

“But he has both.”

“I can’t fucking take this.” Simon finally shoved at Johnny and the Austrian lifted him with ease, standing the Scot back on his feet.

Soap dusted off his pants. “Damn, you’ll have’ta get one’a those, Köni,” he teased and turned to face the giant, looking up at him with a boyish grin.

König’s skin, ever the shy one, immediately painted itself a rosy hue, unable to be hidden by any hood or mask. Even Roach was taken by his brashness and turned a little pink himself, choosing to sip his drink. König was, unfortunately, frozen in place, wide eyes staring down at Johnny’s proud face.

Three seconds pass.

Then two more.

Then three again.

“OH MY GOD, THAT WAS THEM?! The threesome you told me about a few weeks ago, was them?”

With nowhere else to go, König collapsed onto the couch and pulled the neck of his sweater over his face. “Verdammter Himmel, Johnny…” If he could crawl into a hole and die, he would.

“What can ah say? M’services are world-class.”

“Can confirm,” Roach added, having put his glass down so he could use both hands to talk.

Johnny raised a brow and dragged his eyes from Roach’s shoes, slowly up his shins, then his thighs and chest before settling on the challenging smirk on his freckled face. “‘S that so?” he asked, stepping into the space between Roach’s knees and the table.

Roach simply nodded, looking up at his boyfriend through hooded lashes, resembling a lovesick puppy with shocking accuracy. He knew exactly what he was doing, too, the tip of his tongue poking out between his teeth. Roach was a…talented flirt, to say the least.

His glass was carefully removed from his hand and placed on a coaster. Without a second thought, Soap wrapped his fingers around Roach’s wrist, dragged it behind his neck, and tossed the man over his shoulder. Gaz gaped, completely dumbfounded into silence – flabbergasted, if you will. He paused in the entryway, looking over his opposite shoulder.

“You comin’, Kö?”

König, still tucked away in the corner of the couch, peeked out from the cocoon he had created with his sweater. Even his forehead was tinged red, still. He openly stared for a bit before mustering up enough courage to rise again, and in an impossibly meek voice for such a large man, replied, “...Yes, sir,” and loosely tangled their fingers together.

Kyle threw his hands up then dropped them onto his head, dragging his cap back a bit. “WHAT IS GOING ON?!”

Freyja offered a sympathetic pat, her bottom lip jutted out. Poor Simon, who had returned to his seat, covered his mouth with one palm as he tried to contain his chuckles. He pulled his mask back on after retrieving it from the floor.

“Don’t worry, Gaz,” she said and poked his cheek. “We’ll find you a nice girl.”

“I GET AROUND FINE!” He swatted her hand away, glowering at her. “You’re all just a bunch of slags!”

He jumped up, abandoning his beer and putting his hat back in place. “Where’s my niece? I need to restore my innocence,” he grumbled, trudging upstairs.

“Simon, did he just call us sluts?”

“Yes, darling.”

taglist: @esthervalea, @miss-leto, @sweetestcowboy, @blueoorchid, @apocalypticseagull, @eatingtheworldsoffanfiction, @covenlovenn, @330bpm-whiplash, @gnoccheyy, @jaggernauticals, @dwkfan, @untoldshortsofthefandomsdoms, @bobfloydsgf, @maviee, @thomaslefteyebrow, @kyovy, @prodyng, @scout-fang, @avalkyrieofparis, @misshoneypaper, @berryjuicyy, @voteforpedropascal, @beakami, @addictedtothefictionalworld

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theyanderespecialist · 3 months

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Base Yandere Lucifer Morningstar Headcanons: He Will Move Heaven and Hell

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! I am back with another chapter! This one, the base headcanons, and traits of Yandere Lucifer Morningstar from Hazbin Hotel! So wish me luck, anyway I hope you enjoy this!]

(Disclaimer: Lucifer Morningstar From Hazbin Hotel is not yandere in canon! This is just for fun and NOT to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine! Just do not be illegal or gross about it (You know who you are). Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life.)

-Base Yandere Headcanons With Lucifer Morningstar From Hazbin Hotel-

.Lucifer has focused it looks like his last seven-ish years on not being a very active king of hell.

.Focusing on building his ducks and burying his depression.

.He does not have a LOT of people he sees on a day-to-day basis.

.Except for you, the person who is on his staff. It is your job to make sure that the king is taken care of.

.So you were more or less a babysitter and assistant to the king of hell.

.He was fond of you, okay that was a lie, he is right down smitten and obsessed with you.

.You are his ray of sunshine in the darkness of hell and he adores you.

.You have been with him for the last several years since his wife had gone missing.

.He had a strained relationship with his daughter and often talks to you about her.

.Telling you all the times he had with her. He just wants you to be part of his and his daughter's life.

.He of course still loves Lilith, but he has a love for you, where he NEEDS You.

.He often makes you ducks, he has given you so many duck-related things as gifts.

.He loves to spoil you, and a lot of time, it is something that is shaped like a duck or is duck themed, or is covered in ducks.

.He also loves to make your caramel apples as a treat.

.He will give you the best, because what is better than pure angelic power, especially from the man who so happens to love you the MOST?

.He does not want to share you and gets extremely guarded and protective of you when he deems a rival is around to threaten his claim to you.

.He is a lovable dork, and with his yandere side, this makes him also a TOTAL Puppy dog yandere.

.The slightest biggest love and affection and or attention that you show him he just gobbles up. He is very much "MY DARLING WANTS TO BE WITH ME!!!!! TAKE THAT DEPRESSION"

.He is also very much a physical touch kind fo romance, as Viv has confirmed.

.He loves to show his affection to you, with physical touch.

.Kissing up your arm, holding you in his arms, anything and everything. Even as things as simple as a graze of the hand.

.He loves to sing for you, writing romantic songs.

.But man oh man, can he be petty when it comes to rivals.

.Such as if Alastor were to say you and him were close.

.Who the fuck did that sinner think he was!

.He will have a constant dislike for anyone who tries to say they are something with you.

.He deals with rivals in two main ways. The first way, Being super fucking petty fr fr.

.Or by legit summoning hellfire which can burn them away and actually kill them.

.He does not play around when he gets to the point.

And if the person does hurt you, he will use the hell fire on that soul to kill them.

.He will show no mercy.

.You are the apple of his eye, his sweet love, a reason for him to stay in hell even if he was allowed back to heaven he would never go back because he adores you.

.He was once a dreamer, but he had lost those dreams until he found you, you gave him hope and the ability to dream again.

.To strive to be a better father, a better husband, and a better king.

.He would share you with Lilith 1000 percent. BUT ONLY LILITH

.He also will try and introduce you to Charlie as you will one day be her future step-parent.

.He is very nervous about this that is for sure.

.When he does confess to you he is beyond nervous and awkward.

.Because he is worried if it will go right or not.

.If you accept his feelings he takes you in his arms and flies into the air spinning around and kissing you.

.If you turn him down he feels his heart shatter, but he will ask if you are two are still good, but he is not giving up.

.He will try his best to "Mend" things and then slowly court you, so the next time he confesses to you, you say yes.

.He does this until he gets a yes.

.He is determined, and also a very protective yandere as well.

.He will face heaven to keep you by his side, so if somehow you got redeemed he would storm heaven and bring you back.

.He is not losing you, you belong to him and will be his future spouse, future co-parent, and future co-ruler.

.He will move heaven and hell for you, that is a fact!

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter is done! I hope you all enjoyed this and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!]

#yandere #yandere lucifer #yandere lucifer morningstar #yandere hazbin hotel #yandere headcanons #headcanon #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer morningstar #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer #lucifer morningstar #lucifer x reader #lucifer morningstar x reader #reader #gender neutral #gender neutral reader

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arcielee · 10 months

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Only if for a night.

Summary: You find comfort in your husband's brother. Paring: Aegon Targaryen x Female!Reader Word Count: 3750 Warnings: Just some smut. Smidgen of Targcest in the beginning, voyeurism, marital cheating, oral (f receiving, m implied), fingering, p in v, breeding kink if you squint. Author's Note: This was a request from my darling anon! This idea literally had me obsessed until I completed it, so please don't think this is the bar for my response time. 😂 Also, a big thank you to my kindred spirits who answered my v. important questions about Aegon's booty! (You know who you are and Ily 💜) Banners & dividers by @cafekitsune Update: This story has a pick your own ending. And you told me I should concentrate. [Aegon x you] But you came over me like some holy rite. [Aemond x you] Tags (Tumblr kindred spirits): @aaaaaamond @annikin-im-panicin @watercolorskyy @schniiipsel @aemondx @fan-goddess @babygirlyofthevale @httpsdoll @theromanticegoist @assortedseaglass @amiraisgoingthruit @theoneeyedprince @babyblue711 @itbmojojoejo @lovelykhaleesiii @darylandbethfanforever9

You felt numb from the sight: seeing your husband on his knees and feasting between the plush thighs of the queen.

It formed a knot that choked you, but it did not stem from a lover’s jealousy–as you knew that you did not love Aemond and he, certainly, did not love you. You always knew your marriage was one of honor and duty, to solidify victory, a peace offering postwar.

You came from a house that was reputable and wealthy, bringing a sizable force to ensure that King Aegon II would remain on the Iron Throne. Your father boasted of marrying his only daughter into the Targaryen dynasty and you felt fortunate to be given a handsome husband, despite his scarred socket.

Prince Aemond already had a fierce reputation that preceded before you met; your ladies-in-waiting tittered over his disfigurement, his sense of bloodlust, and their hushed whispers of kinslayer that haunted him still despite that the kingly decree his actions were that of a true dragon. He was a renowned veteran of the war that was won, that instilled his brother as king without question, and in return he remained prominent on the council, serving still as the Protector of the Realm.

You were shy, intimidated even, when you first saw the severity that lined his features, the unabashed gaze with his sapphire stone that replaced the eye lost, but you decided he was handsome in a way that was uniquely his own. You also found Aemond was respectful and kind, that he was intelligent, he was considerate, and you sighed your relief, knowing all too often how ladies would be knitted to cruel lords.

For your bedding ceremony, the only glimpse of the dragon that thrummed beneath was how Aemond barked to dismiss the maesters, the Lord Hand, allowing you both privacy to complete the act. He seemed well aware of the discomfort a maiden could feel and treated you with the utmost courtesy, mindful of your sighs, your soft sounds to completion.

He was dutiful and he was diligent. It was not love at first sight, not like the stories told; there was no fluttering of butterfly wings throughout nor did your heart skip a beat at the sight of him, but you enjoyed his company, his consistency, and his consideration.

In all, it was a formidable match and you were certain the marriage would be a success.

Especially once you produced a silver haired royal babe.

Which is why you were freshly bathed and dressed in silk, just the quiet echoes of your slippered footfalls against the cobblestone that led towards your lord husband’s quarters. You thought yourself fortunate no white cloak was perched outside his door, and you pressed close to listen before you carefully turned the gilded handle of the door.

The room was cast in the amber glow from the hearth and tapers lit, and it was the lewd sounds that first caught your attention. You were rooted in the doorcase, your eyelashes fluttered at the view in front of you.

Aemond was bare from the waist up, the peaks of the silver scars peering through his silver hair, and he was kneeled before the velvet settee at the end of his bed. You watched the muscled definition of his backside, the golden glow of the fireplace highlighting his bareness, as well as the elegant arc of a calf that was draped casually over his shoulder.

Your eyes followed the milky curve of this limb to look over his shoulder and see the flushed features of Helaena. She was seated on the settee, her laces loosened which allowed the natural spill of her chest, with the peak of her areolas and the rose hues that stained the skin showing. Her skirts were rutted around her hips, the fabric spilling around, and her eyelashes fluttered with a silver glimmer, her head rolling back with a wave of her silver tresses. A smile curled on her kiss-swollen lips and there was a shudder of her pleasure that rippled viscerally over, her fingers curling against his scalp with the breathless whisper.

“Aemond.”

The humiliation was hot in your veins and burned your cheeks; you willed yourself to move, but your eyes were rapt to attention, watching the frantic rise and fall of Helaena’s chest, her nipples pebbled, and the spilled moans from her mouth.

"Aemond, Aemond, Aemond…"

You left as quietly as you entered; your steps were soft, quick to take you back, with one hand lifting the silk of your chemise and the other wiping the tears that began to spill.

We were not in love, you remind yourself, but it still pinched a nerve within your chest. He was still your husband and you were duty bound to bore him a child, a son if the Lord Hand could choose. The act itself was not unpleasant, but Aemond had never…

Your thoughts were interrupted with a singsong call of your name; you were quick to wipe your face before turning to see the king.

“Your grace,” you offered him a feeble curtsy and even weaker smile.

Aegon moved with a grace, a sway to his steps; his brow furrowed above his wide, lilac eyes, and there was a genuineness to his question. “Sweet sister, it is late, what has you out of bed?”

Before you had been sent to King’s Landing, your mother warned you of his behaviors; you were also told the tale of how the newly anointed Lord Commander and your lord husband had to drag Aegon from the streets of Flea Bottom and place him on the Iron Throne.

But this notoriety of his youth seemed to dissipate with the placement of the Conqueror’s crown he now wore proudly on his silver waves. It seemed to kindle the royal ichor in his veins, and he moved with an elegance as he pressed closer, peering at you with his continued concern.

“I… I was feeling unwell and thought that I would go for a walk,” you chose your words carefully, trying to mask the threat of emotion that brimmed beneath.

His brow quirked. “Alone?”

You swallowed. In this moment, you wished to slip away, to return to your rooms and drown in your sorrow, your failures as a wife in light of learning your new husband’s infidelities, your self-loathing for craving the passion Aemond displayed, wishing it to be shown towards you instead…

The silence hung thick, too long for his liking, and Aegon reached to take your hand, placing it into the crook of his arm. “It is late,” he repeated. “If you are unwell, allow me to escort you back to your quarters.”

You fell in step, peering at him. Aegon was handsome, as your supposed all Targaryen men seemed to be; your eyes admired his silver tresses that curled at his shoulders, that showed golden with the lights that lined the corridor, casting a gold ring that reflected in the lilac of his eyes that flitted over you; his lips were rosy, an upwards curl when he noticed your stare. “You seem so solemn tonight,” he tried again.

The proximity allowed you to smell the long day on him, mixing with the scents of lavender and tea tree oils, a regal musk that called to you to nestle your head against his chest and cry. “It is only that I am feeling unwell,” is what you said instead.

His eyes were wide and watchful, but he did not argue and instead allowed the silence to envelope as he walked with you. Before you could wish him goodnight, he pushed into your room, ordering your handmaidens to fetch something to eat, as well as red wine to help settle your stomach.

They jumped with his command, quick to listen, and soon enough you were sitting on the terrace that overlooked the coast of Blackwater Bay, holding a goblet that brimmed with a Dornish wine that stained your lips with each polite sip. Aegon sat across from you, a boyish grin as he dismissed your handmaidens for the night, before reaching to break the bread for you both.

The silence followed from the corridor, settling over in a way that was not at all uncomfortable; you peered again at Aegon, a choked cry in your throat as you watched him take care to slice the cheeses and the olives for the bread, before offering it to you.

It was a simple, sweet gesture and you chewed, forcing down the bite with the wine. Whereas conversation had to be dragged from your husband, you found his brother’s tongue would not idle; perhaps it loosened from the wine, but it was not a mindless filler in a way that words are used as though silence were a threat, but you found Aegon to be cheerful, witty, as he shared stories from his youth.

Aegon glowned from his narration, from the silver light that poured over; the night sky was empty with the clouds rolling over the black water, the air cool and salty. Your cheeks were rosy from your drink and your laughter, and when your cup emptied, he was quick to refill it.

He pressed for your turn and you shared about your life before coming to King’s Landing. Aegon was an attentive listener, with sighs punctuating; you looked to see that his cheeks were pink from the wine and the wind, a curl returning to his lips. “My brother is fortunate to have such a pretty and witty wife.”

Those words were the unknown catalyst broken; you did not sob your sorrow but instead there were large tears that rolled down your cheeks. You did not realize you were shaking until you felt his fingers, his touch warm, soft, wrapping gently around your wrist. You allowed him to pull you from your seat, towards him–now standing–and enveloping you into his arms for a moment before he sat back down, pulling you onto his lap.

Your mannerly upbringing roared in your ears, this was wrong, this was improper, to be pulled into an unchaperoned embrace of your husband’s brother–the fucking king of the Seven Realms. But instead you curled against his chest, that regal musk soothing, his warmth pleasant against the nip of the air. You indulged in his comfort–his palm rubbing slow circles along your spine, his other arm across your lap, his hand gripping into your thigh.

His touch grounded you, allowing you to compose yourself and share with him what you had found in Aemond’s quarters, making sure to elicit a detail that Aegon freely supplied.

“He was with Helaena, right?”

You looked at him. “You knew?” Your voice cracked, incredulous.

Aegon only hummed, continuing his soothing ministrations, his hand rubbing your backside. “I thought you did as well,” he admitted. “Our status within the Seven Realms… requires certain duties to be fulfilled. We are honorbound to these obligations, to ensure peace amongst the kingdoms. But it is just a role to be played for the public.”

You knew this in part already; you were always aware of the duty of your marriage, the child that you were expected to bring into the world. But still, the truth spoken brought a new wave of tears that he consoled. Your body burned with his touch, his finger curling and his thumb pressing into your chin to bring your watery eyes to his own. “Is it that you love him?” He asked with a curiosity that could not be helped, in light of your reaction.

You did not, and would never, certainly not after this night. The tears that spilled came from something deeper, something that licked your belly when your eyes lingered in Aemond’s room, and your voice quavered, hiccupping to explain this.

Aegon had an almost kingly glow in the moonlight, with its silver light reflecting in the stubble that spread across his square jaw, framing the mischievous grin that curled on his wine stained lips. “Is your husband,” he speaks of him like he is apart from Aemond, not knitted within the same womb, with the same dragon’s blood thrumming in his veins, “not fulfilling his marital duties?”

You stammered with your response. This was not what you meant, as Aemond was courteous to his completion, but it was never like what you spied tonight. You flushed remembering the shades of pink that plumed against Helaena’s porcelain skin, how her back arched with her cries, his name a fervent prayer spilling from kiss-swollen lips…

"Aemond, Aemond, Aemond…"

Aegon’s timbre brings you back out to the terrace, with his continued soft circles on the outside of your thigh. “You would know if he had,” he spoke so casually, almost flippant with the subject.

How would you know? And you regret your question, your naivety apparent with your words.

The same mischievous smirk returned to his lips, and as the moonglow spilled over him something glimmered, something knowing from how his brow quirked with your question. Aegon tilted his head up slightly, his lips now close to the soft divot beneath your ear, grazing your skin with his whisper, “I could show you.”

Your lips part in shock, your eyes wide to look him over and see the flush of color that stained his cheeks, the wine that stained his lips.

And you dared to kiss him.

Your lips are shy to touch, almost chaste with your action, but Aegon responds, quick, his fingers curling at the base of your neck and his other coming around your waist. His lips are full, soft, warm with the hint of the sweet wine to taste when his tongue runs your bottom lip, eliciting a moan from you. He deepened the kiss, his tongue clever, careful, as he drew the very breath from your lungs.

The spill of silk showed your shoulder and you gasped softly when he broke away, his mouth ravenous to capture the skin now exposed, with a wake of love bites from his open mouth kisses, and a warmth began to bloom within you. You touched his chest with a gentle push to stand and he lets go, his lilac eyes wide and wanting; your hands trembled slightly as you reached to pull him to stand, boldly leading him within your chambers.

Aegon stopped you in the archway, and you turned to see the smile on his lips as he pressed against you, his thigh spreading your legs and his hands trailing your curves, settling and gripping onto your hip bones. His mouth captured yours once again, and your arms wrapped around his neck to bring him closer.

You almost whined when he stopped the kiss, his eyes glassy and their color swallowed by pools of black. “My brother is an idiot,” is all he said.

Before you could breathe a response, he pulled you into the room and back against his mouth, moving with the flutter of kisses along your jawline, nipping into the curve of your neck. His palms are still on the small of your waist, with guiding steps back towards the bed.

Clothes are removed with a passion, leaving a trail behind. “Lay back,” he coaxed, his hands warm against your bareness, careful to press until you laid against the mattress. Aegon followed after, climbing on top of you to meet with another kiss, with his sweet murmur, “Let me show you.”

It is a tickling sensation, the mixture of his stubble with the softness of his lips against the curve of your neck, trailing to your chest. Gooseflesh rippled over, your nipples peaking from the warmth of his touch; his palm cups one breast while his hot mouth latches to the other, teeth and tongue teasing.

You squirmed beneath him; his chuckle was low and warm against the valley between your breasts, from shifting his focus from one to the other. “So impatient,” and his hot kiss sends shivers down your spine, with an intensity that you know will mark you.

You shivered again with that thought.

This reaction encouraged a tensity shown to your nipples, his tongue swirled and another crest of pleasure rippled over, your hand moving to cover your mouth to muffle. Again, his fingers curled around your wrist, pulling your arm down to your side and pushing up to find your lips. “None of the that,” and his lips curled into an almost wicked smile, “your king wishes to hear you.”

Satisfied with the crimson that flooded your cheeks, Aegon moved towards your core with sporadic kisses trailing, a warm tickle of his exhale as he nestled between your thighs.

Your heart fluttered with the intimate kiss he placed, something that sparked a warmth that began to spread out towards the apex of your thighs and beyond. Your hips buck slightly from the sensation and you can feel him grin against your cunt.

“So eager,” he breathed, a warm thrill against your slick slit, his tongue flitting with a precision that had you panting. “Yes, just like that,” he praised, his fingers now pressing within your velvet walls and stretching as one curled within, then another.

His mouth, his touch was practiced, pulling something to blossom within the pit of your stomach, a fluttering sensation that built with the tandem of his fingers and his tongue.

You gasped, peering to see the top of his head, the spill of his silver waves as he moved, ravenous, determined. You writhed, a pitiful mewling sound, and his one hand moved to curl underneath your thigh, holding you in place with his continued sinful motion, your arousal spilling onto the bedsheets.

It was too much, and you whimpered, “A-Aegon,” as your hands balled to grip the linen.

“Just like that,” he purred against, his rhythm building still, a pressure threatening to burst within you. “Come for me, sweet girl.”

It engulfs you as though you had been dropped into Blackwater Bay, a rush that spilled with the come hither curl of his fingers, pressing his lips against the sensitive bundle of nerves above. You see the stars when your eyes flutter closed, the spill of tears that pearled in the corners of your eyes, your chest heaving to catch your breath and your thighs trembling.

His praise was low, husky. “You are so beautiful like this.”

You slowly propped yourself onto your elbows, flushed, and reached towards him, but he stopped your hand. “Next time,” Aegon promised with a cheeky grin.

You are flushed from his actions, from his words, your heart rate picking up again as Aegon climbed on top of you, nestling into the cradle of your hips. His expression was smug, his lips and chin slick, and you kissed him, hungry for him, curious of your own taste; you enjoyed the salty sweetness from the Dornish wine that mixed. His hand dipped between, lining himself with your entrance, and you sighed into his mouth.

Aegon has girth, a thickness to him that stretches your walls. You gasp, then another whine that spilled as he pushed to sheath fully within you; Aegon swallowed your cries with his kisses, his hips still to allow you to adjust to his size, checking before he began his slow rut against your hips.

You pant against his chest, your fingers digging into the twin divots on his lower back as he filled you with each thrust, a bruising pace that began to spark in front of your eyes. You cling to him with a desperation, still sensitive from your first release and flustered from the touch of his bare skin against your own.

There is the sudden emptiness when he pulled away, positioning himself on his knees, his palms wrapping around your ankles and pulling to place your feet against his chest; your hips cant up, allowing him to be swallowed by your warmth again, a guttural groan that reverberates through when you clenched.

This new angle sparked another cry, lights dancing across your eyes with his pace; he was grinning down at you, pausing to turn his head with a quick kiss to the arc of your foot, and you giggled.

His large hands moved to press onto the mattress, caging you, and he rolled his hips against your own; the wet squelch with your soft cry as he bruised within. You mewled his name when his pace quickened, pistoning his hips against.

There was the returned flutter of pleasure and Aegon lifted one hand. “Open,” and you obey, your tongue touching the pad of his thumb, swirling to coat it with your saliva. When he pulled back, a bit of spittle broke off onto your chin, and his hand dipped to press against the bloom above, his touch soft, searching.

Yours cries are unbridled at the touch of your pearl, and his satisfaction was apparent on his flushed features, his hips finding a new pace with his new ministrations. Your muscles tightened in response, your back arching against, and it comes, a tidal wave, an intensity that shudders throughout, rattling your bones beneath.

Aegon continued through your peak, his thrusts growing sloppy to chase after his own release before melting against you, with a low groan into the junction of your neck that rumbled pleasantly through you.

You both lay there in an intimate tangle of bare limbs until your breathing evened. Aegon rolled onto his side and reached to touch your hip, his lilac eyes roaming over you, admiring you. “Beautiful,” he declared, then leaned closer for a gentle kiss.

You giggled again, pulling away to clean up. Aegon allowed it, but was adamant that you remained bare, pulling you back to bed after and curling up against, his face nuzzling into your neck; your skin rose in response.

“For duty, for honor,” he murmured, moving to pull you until your head rested on his chest; his soothing scent and musk of sex now clung to the linen. “A silver haired child all the same,” and he kissed your hairline with his confession. “The twins, Maegor, I am not even certain they are mine or not, but I love them nonetheless.”

“The blood of the dragon,” you whispered, tilting your head back and allowing him to kiss you once again.

You felt a new satisfaction, a new understanding of your role within the Targaryen dynasty. The thought warmed you, I love them nonetheless, as you nestled against his chest, allowing the rise and fall to lull you to sleep.

arcie's masterlist

#hotd fanfic #hotd fanfiction #aegon ii targaryen #aegon ii x reader #aegon ii x you #aegon x you #aegon x reader #this was also inspired by the tag #aemond aemond aemond #only if for a night #update 9/27

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milkiedimitrescu · 4 months

Text

I AM SOBBINGGG 😭😭😭 so I was playing with the smiling option on alcina photos I had saved in my gallery and I was DYINNNGGGG

She is trying so hard not to fucking cry bro 😭😭😭

She looks high af 😭

She looks so devious bro... shes plotting something fr 😭

IDK WHAT THIS IS 😭

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"

Snickering ass dkksjsnzn whats so funny pookie, do tell me. Is it heisenburg? Is it one of your daughters? Do tell me darling i want to laugh aswell

BRO SHE DEADASS LOOKS LIKE SHES FIGHTING LAUGHTER AND TEARS RNMSKSK

SHE LOOKS SO AWKWARD 💀

SKIN WALKER LOOKIN AHH WTF 💀

#alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu #resident evil village #resident evil #re8 lady dimitrescu #re8 alcina #resident evil 8 #lady alcina dimitrescu #re8 #alcina demitriscu

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doll3tt33 · 6 months

Text

╰➜ ⊹ ࣪ ˖┆soon to be inactive┆⊹ ࣪ ˖

she/her 𝜗𝜚 libra ☉ libra ☾ sag ↑ 𝜗𝜚 multifandom (AHS, The Boys) 𝜗𝜚 my current diet: c.ai and colin zabel, with a side of homelander 𝜗𝜚 not in a cannibalistic typa way *wink wink*

my most recent fic/hc! - my haunted lungs, ghost in the sheets ❥ colin zabel

everybody knows I’m a good girl, officer ❥ colin zabel

‘cause when you know you know ❥ colin zabel

my most recent c.ai bot! - playing dangerous ❥ colin zabel

a day in the life of a cleaner for homelander ❥ homelander

check your window, he’s at your window ❥ tate langdon

Goodbye for now! ♡

Requests are closed cuz I’m moving on with other interests, so this account wont be as active anymore. might come back one day.

rules for bots. picky for fics but might consider

a lil’ info:

• If you’re under 18, then it means this place isn’t for you and YA BETTER GET OFF MA PROPERTY!! On a fr note, please do not interact if you’re a minor.

• characters I’m sorta confident I won’t mess up with (aka characters you can request for): Kai Anderson, Tate Langdon, Austin Sommers, Kyle Spencer, Kit Walker, Colin Zabel, Peter Maximoff, Stan Bowes, Luke Cooper, Charles Decker, + characters from The Boys

• characters I’m not so confident with right now: James Patrick March, Jimmy Darling, Warren Lipka, Mr. Gallant.

I’ll need a rewatch to get a better grasp of their character so they won’t be ooc, but I’ll make them available to request in the future!

• general requests are cool! but I really appreciate requests with a specific scenario/AU. This is a kink-friendly blog, so feel free to go wild!

Bots & fics masterlist below the cut!

all of the bots below have detailed defintions and descriptions, along with example messages! So dw, none of them are empty carcasses of an ai bot

angst/dark themes - ✮ sfw - ❀ (might lead to) nsfw - ✧

c.ai filter breaking tut: pt.1, pt.2

Kai Anderson:

𝜗𝜚 Fanfics:

Your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in. ✮

𝜗𝜚 Headcanons:

Kai Anderson SFW headcanons ❀

𝜗𝜚 AI bots:

Being in a toxic relationship with Kai (based off the song ‘Ultraviolence’) ✮

Kai breaking into your home for revenge ✮/✧

Visiting spiritual counselor!Kai to seek guidance ✮/❀

Kai coming up to you at a bookstore ❀

Kai “accidentally” spilling his coffee all over you ❀

⇢ I recommend the bookstore one over the coffee one if u r looking for a standard Kai bot to use, cuz the former’s settings are improved ((but like the coffee one’s still aight ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Colin Zabel:

𝜗𝜚 Fanfics:

Everybody knows I’m a good girl, officer ✧

My haunted lungs, ghost in the sheets ✧

‘Cause when you know you know ❀

𝜗𝜚 AI bots:

Getting arrested by Colin… again ❀

Having your first session with therapist!Colin ❀

Professor!Colin teaching you on your first day of college ❀

Peter Maximoff:

Peter challenging you to Pac-Man at the arcade ❀

Chilling with Peter in his room ❀

You’re both lonely on prom night so Peter invites you to join him ❀

Stan Bowes:

You’re the daughter of Stan’s boss and he has to pick you up from a party ❀

Having your first ever dinner with sugardaddy!Stan ❀

Interrupting Stan in the middle of work ❀

Austin Sommers:

paparazzi!Austin who won’t stop pestering you ❀

Kyle Spencer:

Frankenkyle showing up at your doorstep in the middle of the night ❀

You’re a new witch at the academy and you’re responsible for Frankenkyle ❀

Studying alone with frat!Kyle at the campus library ❀

frat!Kyle comes up to you at a college party on New Year’s Eve ❀

Tate Langdon:

perv!Tate snapping photos of you in the school’s bathroom ✧

Helping Tate after he gets bullied at school ❀

Tate walking in on you playing a ritual game ❀

Dealing with an emotionally unstable Tate after your break up (based off the song ‘Meant to Be Yours’ from Heathers: The Musical) ✮

Kit Walker:

singledad!Kit hiring you as a babysitter ❀

Kit taking all the blame for you at the asylum ✮

bartender!Kit serving you a free drink ❀

Getting steamy with husband!Kit in the kitchen ✧

Luke Cooper:

Luke getting everyone’s coffee orders wrong but yours ❀

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tieronecrush · 7 months

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hot & heavy

epilogue: our love is going gold

neighbor!joel x f!reader

series masterlist

series rating: E (18+ MDNI)

series summary:

over the course of three summers, joel miller becomes woven into your life. the first summer is spent falling for him; nannying his daughter and sneaking around with him in a burning love affair. you know how you feel about joel, he isn’t so sure about how it all is gonna work. the second summer is brief. a month spent at home after graduation and before you move to boston for your dream job. one look at you, one time hearing your voice, and joel is hooked again. he pines over you for that month, but you think — how is long distance of over a thousand miles going to work for a single dad? the third summer, you return home burnt out and pride bruised from your post-grad life. you need time to feel at home again, like your complete self, so you’ve come back home with no return ticket booked. it’s only a matter of time before joel seeks you out, slowly spending more time with you. without an inevitable end to the summer looming over you both, what chances are you willing to take?

word count: 17.2k (but she's done. like done, done.)

warnings (**SPOLIERS**): NO OUTBREAK (don’t need to worry about the mushies), no use of y/n, inexperienced reader, age gap (joel is 30/31, reader is 22), canon-divergent (sarah is now 10 y/o), nanny au, pet names (sweetheart, darling, sweet girl, mariposa, etc.), established relationship, engagement, marriage, alcohol, eating, very lovey romantic, polite southern manners, spanish/spanglish cause joel is latino, soft joel, domestic joel, WIFE!! GUY!! JOEL!!, discussion of parenting, step-parenting, struggles with conceiving, negative self talk and image, smut, soft dom joel, fingering, oral (f receiving), joel worships the ground his wife walks on and also her body, praise, unprotected p in v (they're tryna get pregnant, not you!), breeding kink, sort of nursing kink? joel is briefly obsessed with your tits and makes comments, mating press, a flash of cumplay, the BRIEFEST mention of daddy kink, joel really wants to give his wife a baby, pregnancy, a mention of giving birth, girl dad joel, CUTE FAMILY!!!

also this is the song mentioned <3 it's a fave of mine and i think very joel & mari

a/n: this has been a doozy but happy to hand this over to y'all. this is simply what i envisioned for their future, and if you had different thoughts, i would love to hear them! <3 or if you have any headcanons for their life beyond this, drop them in my inbox! this fic and these characters are my children and i love them very much. will probably keep them alive somehow. and thank you to everyone who's read this series, you are all so special to me and have sincerely made me feel so much more confident in my writing!

as always, thank you thank you thank you @northernbluess for beta-ing, couldn't do it without you! and this extremely long ending is dedicated to el and kiwi @kiwisbell you are my hype people fr

i feel like i need to say like signing off on h&h now lol so this is me doing that & closing the book!

** this is set over three additional summers post-main story **

first of many

After the holidays, it was an easy decision to move in with Joel and Sarah. The Millers had joined your family for their annual, lowkey celebrations; spending Christmas Eve with Joel and Sarah, it was a treat to witness him playing Santa after Sarah had gone to bed. Only a few curses under his breath putting together the new dollhouse she’d requested from St Nick, the other presents from her father, and your gifts to her carefully wrapped under the tree. The two of you split the plate of cookies while watching A Christmas Story, you and Joel taking turns mumbling the words to the iconic scenes under your breaths.

The next morning, your heart was overwhelmed with the love that you hold for this family that has welcomed you in and made you a part of it. Sarah gifted you a photo frame that she’d made at school, painted with flowers and butterflies, and a photo of the three of you from the trip to the apple orchard you’d taken that fall. Once Sarah was occupied with her new treasures, gifts were exchanged between you and Joel. Requesting to gift first, you stand up from the couch and tiptoe around Sarah and her new dolls sprawled across the floor to the front hall closet and retrieve a brand new, custom acoustic guitar.

Sitting back with him, guitar placed into his hands and his eyes combing over it, his lips part with a gasping breath when he notices in the inlay of ‘SME’ for his daughter’s name, Sarah Elena.

“The old one in the corner of your room was lookin’ a little worse for wear, and I hadn’t seen you play it in a while…” you trail off in the silence, waiting for his response, “Do you—do you like it? Is it the right kind? I tried to match it the best I could to the one upstairs.”

“Oh, Mari baby, I love it. It’s beautiful, thank you so much…” He shakes his head, taking another sighing exhale in appreciation as he turns it in his hands. “Hadn’t played the other one 'cause it wasn’t quite playable anymore. Restrung it a few too many times, the wood was warped from some water damage. The perils of having a toddler around years ago. This is…it’s perfect, Mariposa.”

You beam, shifting in your seat and anxiously fiddling with your fingers. Joel sets the instrument down next to him carefully, turning back to you. He leans in, kissing you delicately and whispering another ‘thank you’ against your lips, “Guess m’gonna have to serenade you now.”

“Oh, yeah, J. I expect one nightly,” you playfully respond, kissing him again before he pulls away, his turn to stand from his place on the couch.

He wanders over to the tree, plucking the last wrapped gift from under it, and returning to sit next to you. Handing over the small rectangular box, you unwrap it gingerly, glancing at Joel’s knee bouncing. You gently set your hand on it, smiling at him which he returns, biting his lip to channel his jittery energy. Opening the box, you’re met with the shining gold links of a beautiful charm bracelet. Your eyes wander over the small icons, feeling your chest tighten with love as you take them all in: A small ‘S’ with a ruby-colored stone at each end of the curve, a matching ‘J’ with a sapphire embedded into it right next to the ‘S; there’s a tiny gold key, nearly identical to the one he had given to you those three summers before for your job that started it all; a tiny set of longhorn antlers that is reminiscent of home; a lighthouse that reminds you of one you visited while living in Boston, a day you had documented and sent Joel some of the photos in the mail to recap your time. It was a day you had been happy there, and it made your heart ache that he remembered that. The last charm on the bracelet is a butterfly, bejeweled with kelly green stones, the color of the leaves that you told him were your favorite years ago. The ache in your chest is worked out of its knot with Joel’s hand at your back, a gasping breath as you blink back tears.

Clearing your throat, your watery smile has a flash of worry crossing his eyes before you hand him the bracelet you’ve taken out of the box, lightly requesting, “Will you put it on for me?”

Joel nods shyly, taking the dainty piece in his hands, and hooking the clasp around your wrist after a few tries. You both admire it, your smile growing wider and his matching yours.

“Merry Christmas, Mari baby. I love you.”

“Merry Christmas, J. I love you, too.”

Now, months later, the bracelet on your wrist glints in the sun as you hold onto Sarah’s hand, letting her lead you around the atrium filled with butterflies. Spending the day at the same farm you three had visited summers ago, and had kept up with the tradition with the summers following, you picked an abundance of strawberries, wandered through the nature paths, and now ending the day at the youngest Miller’s favorite spot.

Sarah wildly points out the different types of butterflies, the encyclopedia book of the insect’s species that you had gifted her for Christmas coming in handy for today as she reads the small signs of each patterned, winged creature, adding in her tidbits that she remembers. A grin stays plastered on your face as you listen intently, paying no mind to Joel trailing behind the two of you.

Giving your lessons on the flora that you know of in the gardens, Sarah listens to you as well. Stopping in front of the small waterfall, surrounded by tropical plants and flowers, the two of you go back and forth in fun facts about plants and butterflies, unaware as Joel saddles up behind you. Sarah glances back over her shoulder and grins, the expression reading as knowing and mischievous. Before turning around, you start to warn Joel behind you playfully, “J, if you’re even thinking about pushing me or splashing me, I will ki—”

Your breath catches when you finally face him, eyes dropping to meet his; the backpack he’d be adamant about carrying all day is at his feet, unzipped, and in his hands is a small, forest-green velvet box. Joel rests on one knee, a soft but bright, devoted smile on his face.

“Oh my god…” It comes from your lips as a whisper, your free hand reaching up to cover your mouth while the other continues to tether you to Sarah at your side, her small giggle hitting your ears as Joel glances at her, sending her a wink.

Eyes back on your face, Joel clears his throat, adjusting himself on his knee as he takes a deep breath, “I have been trying to figure out exactly what to say, and I can’t seem to find quite the right words that tell you exactly how I feel about you. I love you, so much, Mariposa. The second you entered my life, that time I saw you for only seconds in your backyard while I was touring the house, I knew I had to meet you. And then the first time I met you, well, I knew that you were who I needed.

“I’ve been walking around blind, trying to figure out life for years, and moving next door to you, that was the last piece falling into place. You have made my life, and Sarah’s life, a million times better. And while these past few years haven’t been picture-perfect for us, we made it through, and I know that we can take on anything that comes our way. Eres el alma más hermosa que he conocido, y soy muy afortunada de tenerte. (You are the most beautiful soul I have ever met, and I am so lucky to have you.) I’ve been waiting for years to do this, Mari baby, and I can’t have any more summers pass by without you being mine. Tú eres mi media naranja. (You’re my soulmate.) I love you. Te amo, Mari. You’re my soulmate, sweet girl, and I can’t take another day without the promise of forever. Will you marry me, Mariposa?”

Without hesitation, you nod your head frantically, your tears that started falling as soon as Joel started speaking continue to flow. You uncover your mouth, squeezing Sarah’s hand and sharing a smile with her before she takes her hand away.

“Yes, oh my gosh, Joel…of course, of course, I’ll marry you. I love you so much, J.” You squat down in front of him, left hand trembling as you hold it out for him. He carefully takes the ring from the box, and Sarah, ever the helper, takes it from the spot where it rests on his knee for safekeeping. The delicate gold band slips onto your finger, embellished with clusters of tiny gems and centered with an emerald cut diamond. It’s perfectly you, and you can’t wipe the smile off your face as you watch Joel settle the piece of jewelry on your finger. Both of you take a deep breath, admiring the sight before your eyes find each other’s again, matching expressions of complete admiration. Your hands find his cheeks, pulling him in for a tenderly passionate kiss, attempting to breathe all the love in your chest into the kiss and his heart. Joel pulls away first, resting his forehead against yours for a quiet moment.

“Thank you, J,” you whisper, and his head tilts with curiosity.

“For what, baby? I think I should be thankin’ you for sayin’ yes to me.” He chuckles and rubs his thumb at the back of your hand, skimming next to the band of the new addition.

“Everything. For not giving up. Your patience when I was still finding my way back to you. How effortlessly you’ve welcomed me into your life and your family…” Cheating your body away, one hand reaches out to pull Sarah into the small huddle, reuniting the moment within your unit of three, “I just—I can’t wait for all my summers to be spent with you both.”

“I can’t wait either. This is gonna be the first of many, Mari baby.”

And the two of you really couldn’t wait.

Only a week after Joel was down on one knee, your family was throwing you an engagement party. Tommy, a few of Joel’s close friends from his contracting company, your college friends, and neighbors were all in attendance to celebrate the two of you, and it was a big to-do. Drinks flowing, music playing, and food was being passed around. Everything under the warmth of a Texas night and the strung lights across the stretch of your parents’ backyard. Joel was glued to your side the entire night, hand on your back or clasped in yours, grabbing your refills and whispering in your ear to make you laugh.

“So…are all of these people coming to the wedding? ‘Cause I can count about half that I have no idea who they are.”

To that, you whispered back, “I don’t know them either, so definitely not. Unless they wanna buy us the most expensive thing on the registry.” Joel laughed, squeezing you closer — if it were even possible — and pressing a kiss to your temple.

Later, once you two were far past tipsy, Joel mumbled against your ear, barely able to get the words out without drunkenly giggling himself, “D’you think Mrs. Clarke is thinkin’ m’the one that got away?”

You couldn’t contain your laughter, bursting out in the middle of the conversation happening around you two, quickly covering your mouth as the lingering hiccups escape, “I think she’s singin’ the blues about you, Miller.”

The rest of the evening was filled with small moments between the two of you; never left alone long enough to have a full conversation on your own. Whispers of love and affection breathed out, fleeting kisses exchanged. It wasn’t until the party was over, everyone dwindled out the door and back to their homes, that you and Joel took a beat to speak to each other in more than one sentence. The early hours of the morning had crept in without anyone quite noticing, and Sarah was knocked out, brought inside to sleep in your old bedroom around 10pm when she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore. Joel now held her in his arms, her head laying on his shoulder while the three of you walked the short distance home. After your quiet goodnight to Sarah that went unheard by her sleeping self, Joel put her down, taking off her shoes and leaving her undisturbed to sleep in her clothes.

Back in the ensuite of your, now, shared bedroom, you’re lazily getting ready for bed, movements slower and lagging from the alcohol you consumed. Joel stands behind you, facing your reflection in the mirror and giving you a smile as the exhaustion catches up to him.

“You have fun tonight, sweet girl?” His vocal cords rub together in a fry, hands finding their place on your waist and drawing you back into his chest. Littering kisses at the back of your neck, he hums contently before you affectionately shoo him off to brush his teeth while you apply your skincare.

“‘Course I did, J. Spent most of the night with you, how could I not have fun?” You grin at him from in front of your side of the double sinks, gently rubbing in your moisturizer. “Have you given any thought as to when you wanna set a date for?”

Whatever he responds is muffled by the foamy toothpaste, your face twisting in confusion before he leans over and spits out, rinsing his mouth and toothbrush. Standing back up, he rests his hip against the countertop while facing you, shrugging as he smirks slightly, “As soon as possible. Baby, I’d get married to ya in a garbage dump if it meant we could get married right this second. No puedo esperar para hacerte mi esposa. (Can’t wait to make you my wife.) And I know you don’t want that, and I want to make you happy, so whenever you want, Mari. Lo que sea que desees, lo haré realidad. (Whatever you wish for, I’ll make a reality.) But I will say, summer’s kind of our thing.”

A gentle smile stretches across your lips as you step closer, hands coming to rest on his chest and massaging your fingers gently into the muscles there, “Well, how about we do this summer? I mean, I don’t want anything fancy, just something special for us. Thought maybe we could do it here, in our backyard and my parents’. Where we met and fell in love and broke up and fell in love again and—”

“I love that idea, sweetheart. Think it’s perfect for us…” Joel punctuates his work by stealing a kiss, mint and strawberry lip balm melting on his tongue when he deepens it only for a few seconds, “Think we can manage for Labor Day weekend, mi amor?”

Nodding confidently, your hands skate up to his shoulders, pulling him down for another kiss, “I believe we just set our wedding date, Miller.”

“Damn right, we did, Miller.”

A whirlwind of planning and three months later, you now stand in your childhood bedroom on the second floor of your parent’s house, admiring yourself in the full-length mirror standing in the corner. Your mom had helped you with your hair, a small gold barette holding one side away from your face; your makeup was fairly minimal, fresh, and bright, but nothing too heavy that would melt in the heat that has graced Austin this weekend.

On your wrist is your charm bracelet from Joel, a simple gold locket to match that your father had gifted you the evening before at the rehearsal dinner — it has belonged to his grandmother, and now your grandma wanted you to have it since she couldn’t make the trip down due to her age. It was your ‘something old’ he said, playing into the old traditions that seemed to charm your entire family.

Your ‘something borrowed’ was a pair of white strappy sandals from your mom, ones that she had worn to her rehearsal dinner when she married your dad. The title of ‘something new’ belonged to the charm hanging off of your wrist that was hand-delivered to you this morning from Tommy, per the request of Joel since you both were getting ready in opposite houses. The gift box unveiled a gold lotus flower, hand painted with deep magenta petals. Inside the lid of the box was a folded note, the words written by your soon-to-be husband in his usual scrawl.

Mi amor,

Got to reading one of your books you leave around about plants, and they were talking about the lotus flower. Made me think of you — since they go back to the murky water each evening and open their blooms at the break of day. You always start fresh, sweet girl, you’re so resilient and strong and pure of heart. No matter what happens, you get through it. And you won’t have to go at it alone, baby. I’m gonna be right there with you through anything.

You make me a better man.

Te amo, mi media naranja.

You had to touch up your makeup after having read the note over and over for minutes straight, now fresh faced and eager to get downstairs. One last time in the mirror, you give yourself the once over, smoothing the long, full skirt of your linen dress. The ruched empire bodice lays across your chest, framing your neck with a square shape along with the cap sleeves. Simple, but it feels perfectly you. And now, you were finally on your way to get your something blue: Joel in his navy suit, waiting at the end of the aisle for you.

Everyone’s gathered in their seats, only a crowd of around forty people from your lives occupying the rows, all carefully selected to make the cut. It was easy for Joel, he had three people he wanted there for sure, and well, his daughter didn’t have a choice living right next door, plus with her dad being the groom, and you being the bride. The only chance of a wild card he had was Tommy, but he was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning despite the many shots he had the night prior. At the rehearsal dinner of all places.

Dressed and gaffed, he stands at the end of the short aisle after having walked down it hand-in-hand with Sarah, who was donning a lilac dress she picked out with your help and her hair in her natural, bouncy curls. She now sits next to Tommy in the front row, whose new girlfriend Maria is sitting on the other side of him, stealing peeks over the back of the seat to try to catch a glimpse of you at the top of the deck stairs. Joel is doing the same, eyes flickering from scanning over the crowd to tunneling at the opening of the stairs.

Music starts and it immediately tunes out of his ears, a tingle of excitement radiating from his chest throughout his body. A vision in white, you appear at the stairs with your arm linked to your dad, Mark; he isn’t paying attention to anything but you, captivated by your beauty. His heartbeat kicks up when you walk down, reaching the end of the grassy path between rows of chairs, and stopping for a moment. With the bouquet in one hand, you use the other that was resting on your dad’s arm to give him a short wave that he returns with a grin.

Each step you take brings up tears in his eyes, an overwhelming joy clenching around his heart. A few drop down his cheeks, using one of his thumbs to wipe away the streaks as you give him a gentle smile, speeding up your walk and dragging your dad along with you. The guests laugh at the eagerness, Joel rocking on the balls of his feet as he bites back his wild grin when you finally reach him. Exchanging hugs with your dad, Mark shakes Joel’s hand before clapping him on the back, a sure nod directed to him.

His hand slips into yours naturally, helping you with the last few steps to stand in front of him, exhaling a deep breath. A smile that he can’t wipe off stretches across his face, looking into your eyes as he lifts a hand to wipe his cheeks. You do the same, delicate touch against his skin while your gaze stays trained on his. Beating out of his chest, his heart thumps deeply, the wings of his butterfly fluttering madly in his gut in time with his heartbeat.

“Hey, Mari.”

“Hi, J.”

Everyone settles back in their seats, and your brother stands at the makeshift altar, a carved arbor handmade by Joel over the last few months frames the three of you in front of your guests. You turn to hand off the wildflower bouquet you put together to Sarah, eager to fulfill her responsibility of holding it during the ceremony. She grins, whispering to you loud enough for him to hear when she takes the arrangement.

“You look so pretty, Posey. I’m excited for you to marry Daddy.” Your hand reaches for her curls, squatting down in your dress to address her at eye level, unconditional love shining in your eyes as you look at his daughter.

“You look beautiful, Sare Bear. I’m so excited, too.” Other words are exchanged only between the two of you, a hug shared before Sarah retreats to her chair next to Tommy and you stand up and take Joel’s hands.

Chris ambles through an introduction, recollecting his version of events, as well as both of your sides, for how your relationship has progressed. Humor was laced throughout, laughter bubbling over throughout the crowd of guests, and especially between the two of you when you shared knowing expressions.

The ceremony moves quickly, with no religious elements to extend the length, simply secular. Before he knows it, Chris is reaching the vows, allowing a moment for Tommy to present the rings to each of you, clapping a hand on his brother’s back.

“Don’t fuck this one up, brother. Posey’s a good ‘un. Way too good for you—”

Joel cuts him off with a mumble and an eye roll, “I know all of this, Tommy, but thank you for the reminder.”

Chris directs Joel to go first, a deep inhale and extended exhale fills the air as you give his hands a reassuring squeeze. He flashes a smile at you before he drops one of your hands, finishing in his inside jacket pocket for the small slip of paper.

“I tried to memorize this, but we both know that wasn’t gonna happen…” he huffs out a nervous chuckle, reading over the page before his eyes come back to you, a patient and gentle grin on your face, “I genuinely hope you know how much I love you. I try to show you, to tell you, to make you feel it through osmosis every day, but I truly hope you can feel it. Through all that we have been through together and on our own, I have always had you in my mind. I thought about you every day you were away, and all I was hoping for was your happiness. I cannot tell you what it means that you have found your happiness with me, but I will be thanking whatever forces are out there for bringing us back together. Our roads may have been bumpy, and they may be in the future, but I’m so thankful to have you in my passenger seat. Cause we both know you don’t like to drive.” Joel winks and the crowd of guests laugh.

“I never want to let go. And I’m never going to let you go, Mariposa, I’m in it for the long run. Eres todo para mí. (You are everything to me.) You are everything I have ever asked for, hoped for, didn't think I deserved. You are…un alma tan pura (such a pure soul) and I don't know how you ended up with me, but I'm countin’ my luck every second of every day. I love you through anything, mi Mariposa, and I cannot wait for our future together, as a family. I’m so happy that you have found a place you belong with Sarah and me, and I feel so lucky that you have chosen me. Te amo, mi Mariposa. Siempre.”

Recovering from your tears, you choke out a small sob that tugs on his heartstrings, tightening his grip on your hand while his brow furrows softly in concern.

“Happy tears, I promise, J. Very happy tears.” Another sob comes with a burst of laughter, a hand of yours fanning your face. Joel reaches up, wiping away the stragglers, careful to not smudge any of your mascara. With a deep breath, you focus back, centered, offering Joel your left hand. He repeats the phrase from Chris, who recites it from his printed-out online ordainment course before slipping the simple matching gold band onto your finger above your engagement ring, ears ringing when he sees the symbol of his love and commitment on your finger, where it will stay for the rest of his time on this Earth.

Next, it was your turn to recite your vows, Chris pulled a piece of paper from his jacket and handed it to you. A giggle slips from your lips, wavering the small folded sheet, “Couldn’t memorize it either. Got too much to say…”

Joel relaxes in his stance, thumb circling the back of your palm as he listens, the butterfly wings fluttering into his chest and up to his head, love overwhelming his nervous system across his body. You clear your throat, looking up from the wrinkled white sheet, “I didn’t know that one summer spent at home would completely send me on a whole new life path, but looking back, I am eternally grateful that I wanted to mooch off my parents for as long as possible. That first summer, I fell hard and fast, and despite the obstacles, my love continued to root deeper inside of me and grow out new branches with every memory we made together. I am so lucky to have been welcomed so easily into the Miller household, and I cannot imagine my life with you or Sarah there right next to me. You both have brought so much into my life and thanks to you, J, I feel like I have truly found myself.

“I was always searching for what I was meant to do, who I was meant to be, and what I would leave behind in my life. And while I went out searching everywhere, the answer was my next-door neighbor. I am meant to be your person, I was meant to care and love and create a life with you, and your wonderful daughter, and I know I will leave behind all my love for you and our family behind. My success does not need to be measured by the reach of my impact, but by how deeply I love you. That is all that matters to me, to make you feel loved and supported and to know how incredible you are. You mean the world to me, and I love Sarah as if she were my own; both of you are my best friends and I could not do this life without you. I am so excited to spend the rest of my days, and the rest of my summers with you, J. I love you. Forever.”

The same routine goes for you, slipping a gold band around Joel’s left ring finger. He flexes with the new accessory on his hand, admiring it before he looks at you, a wide and wild grin crossing his face as he listens as Chris starts to ask him that very special question, “Joel, do you ta—”

“Absolutely I do. No question.”

Laughter rises from the attendees, and you, playfully roll your eyes. Chris nods shortly, chuckling as he turns to address you with the same question. He states your name, inquiring, “Do you ta—”

“Of course, I do. Only been waitin’ years for this to happen.”

Joel laughs, shaking his head as he mumbles a sweet agreement, “You and me both, baby.”

Chris drops the papers he was reading from next to him on the grass, clasping his hands together, “Well, that made it damn easy for me. With the power vested in me by apparently the state of Texas, but who really knows, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Now y’all can kiss finally.”

A hand presses against the small of your back, pulling you into his chest as he folds down, latching your lips to his in a deep kiss, all of his love pouring into the moment. It takes restraint to not take it further in front of everyone, your intoxicating taste drawing him in and quenching a perpetual thirst he has. You lean back first, fingertips digging into his shoulders to hold him off as you whisper, “Gotta keep some decorum until tonight, Mr. Miller.”

“Hard to do that with you, Mrs. Miller,” he rasps back, matching blindingly bright grins across your faces as you right yourself, turning to face your guests as your brother loudly announces.

“For the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Miller!”

With the low-key, intimate wedding that you both had planned together, there was no real formal separation of the ceremony and reception. Instead, everyone wandered over to the backyard of Joel’s home, which was now yours, too. There were rented tables set up with chairs around, no seating chart, and a checkered dance floor set up in the middle of the lawn. Lights have been strung from his deck to the tree at the back of the property line that holds Sarah’s tire swing, some lanterns strewn about to add more light as the sun sets in the later evening.

The family-favorite restaurant in the city that the three of you have frequented, even as friends, catered the meal, and your parents, ever so prepared, had stocked up all summer with booze. Your dad plays pretend bartender, getting your now-husband behind the tablecloth-covered folding table and pouring heavy drinks and somehow heavier shots. By sundown, everyone was liquored up enough to cheer for you both to have a first dance, chanting their request over and over.

Joel looks at you from his spot next to you, eyebrows raising in question. His hand at your back draws you closer, starting to sway to whatever song is playing as he grins with a looseness to him, relieved to have you as his for good and relaxed from the alcohol in his blood. “C’mon, Mari baby, I wanna dance with you. M’wife. I got the perfect song.”

“Okay, okay, you go tell Chris what song you want and see if he’s got it on his iPod.”

You push Joel along, giggling to yourself as he shuffles over to Chris, the makeshift DJ for the evening. Joel leans in, talking in your brother’s ear over the music currently playing. They exchange a smile and nod, Joel laying a hand on his shoulder and shaking it affectionately. His beer gets abandoned on the nearest surface, giddily running over to you and taking your hand. Impatiently, he pulls you to the center of the dance floor, and Tommy intercepts your drink before it sloshes all over the front of you, huffing out a disbelieving breath as you continue to drag behind Joel.

Your husband turns you in his arms, one hand finding your back as the other lifts your joined ones toward his shoulder, elbows bent. Everyone else clears the dancefloor as an upbeat guitar riff sounds out of the speakers surrounding the dancefloor, the bright drums kicking in as Joel starts to shuffle the two of you around the dancefloor, a swing to your movements again.

The familiar lyrics of Orleans’ Still the One that Joel has sung to you many times over the last year are recited right back to you, making you reminisce about the time you were driving in the car to pick up Sarah from camp, a rare afternoon that both of you had off together. The song had come onto Joel’s favorite classic rock station, perking him up in his seat as he turned the volume dial up.

“Oh, Mari baby, this is such a great song.”

Not as familiar with it, you listen, giggling as he sings along with his words pointed at you, and you had to admit, they were pretty sickly sweet. Ever since then, Joel got into the habit of singing it to you, learning to play it after he received his new guitar from you at Christmas.

Dancing with him now, under the sticky heat of the tail end of Texan summer, surrounded by family and friends, he makes you feel as if it’s only the two of you again like it was for every other moment before with this same song.

In your ear, he sings along only for you, pulling away and twirling you as y’all take over the entire dancefloor with how free and loose you’re playing it. “You’re still the one that makes me laugh…still the one that’s my better half…we’re still havin’ fun and you’re still the one.”

At the next chorus, you join him in singing along, laughing at his excitement, both of you singing along louder. The song reaches the guitar solo, and Joel takes both of your hands, swinging you out from his chest before pulling you back in; he spins you to cross your arms in front of you, and your back to his chest before twirling you out. On the last line, when the final word is dragged out, he wraps his arms around you, spinning both of you around until the final chord strikes, setting you down and chests heaving to catch your breaths. Wide smiles still find your open mouths, cheers and whistles from the guests gathered around the dancefloor, now filling the checkered floor as the next song plays.

Breathless, Joel grins madly, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly before asking, “Think we did pretty damn good for unplanned, don’t you, Miller?”

“Damn right, we did, Miller.”

The rest of the evening was all the same, a night spent with your closest family and friends all celebrating the two of you and your love. Both you and Joel shared a dance with Sarah separately, relishing in her unbridled joy and Joel comforted his daughter when she shed a few tears about how happy she was. Your dad pulled you for a short jaunt around the dancefloor, and Joel asked your mom for a dance, which she accepted happily as a stand-in for his mom.

More drinks flowed into glasses and out of bottles, your shoes kicked off and Joel’s jacket and tie discarded onto the back of a chair somewhere. Your cheeks ached from how much you were smiling and laughing the whole time, a weight lifted, the promise of forever with your favorite person now on its way to being a reality.

You both ceremoniously cut the small single-tiered cake that your mom ordered, serving the slice on a plate. Grabbing a piece with your hands, you cheers it with Joel’s, watching as his went into his mouth and laughing as yours went across his cheek. He feigned shock, shaking his head as he looked at you with a glint of mischief in his eyes, taking a step closer. A turn on the ball of your foot directs you in an attempt to get away; failing miserably, misstepping from your level of drunkenness, Joel catches you in his arms. Turning you back around to face him, he steals a purposefully sloppy kiss, buttercream smearing against your lips and chin, the taste of vanilla coating your tongue as it melts into the taste of Joel, whiskey, beer, and sugary sweetness from the dessert.

At the very end of the night, most guests in cabs home or retreat to their homes down the street, it’s left to your closest people. The last song of the night is announced by Chris, the same song that has come up again and again for the two of you trilling over the speakers. Everyone dances and sings along to American Pie, the perfect cyclical moment for the two of you, and the closing moment of your summer. Sarah dances with the two of you, laughing as Joel twirls her around, infectious smiles on their faces.

Your heart grows in your chest, nearly to the point of bursting as you take a step back in your mind, taking in all of the moment as it surrounds you. In the backyard of your new house, the next chapter of your life starts with Joel and Sarah; right next door is your childhood home, full of love and memories with your parents and brother. Even through the hardships, these places and people have never stopped feeling like home.

The song finishes with a flourish, Joel tucking you into his chest after he scoops Sarah into his arms with a soft groan. Sarah lays her head on her dad drowsily and he presses a kiss to her forehead, mirroring the same on yours; a mumble against your skin is barely heard by you, his drawl exaggerated by the liquor, “Mi Mariposa y mariposita. My lil’ Bug. Love my girls so much.”

Tommy slides sleepy Sarah into his arms from Joel after you two say goodnight to her, the younger Miller brother already prepared the arrangement for her to stay at his on the night of your wedding. You reassure her the promise to meet at Waffle House in the morning, which will likely be the afternoon with the state of the adults. Maria, the designated driver, and Tommy, much closer to sober than drunk than you were expecting, send another congratulations your way before they’re off to the car with Sarah.

After the necessary sweep of cleaning is done between you two and your immediate family, food, drink, and lanterns gathered, they part ways, taking everything back to theirs to deal with in the morning along with striking down the tables, chairs, and dancefloor. In the quiet of the early morning hours, you and Joel stand with your arms around each other, swaying gently. Cheek to chest, Joel’s voice rasps from overuse, vibrating your ear pressed against him, “Was it what you wanted, sweet girl?”

“Everything and more, J. I loved it,” you say as you pull your head away, tilting your chin to look into his eyes, “And I love you, m’husband.”

“I love you more, m’wife.” He shakes his head, biting a smile back, “Don’t think m’ever gonna get tired of callin’ you that, Mari.”

“Me neither. Gonna be callin’ you my husband instead of usin’ your name,” you flirt as your smirk grows and he wiggles his eyebrows, hand drifting down to the curve of your ass.

“Guess we better test that theory, baby.” He grins as he bends his knees, lifting you over his shoulder. His other hand rests on your ass to balance you, your hands pressing against his lower back as you shriek slightly from the initial shock. “Want the whole neighborhood to know m’your husband now. Even if they weren’t invited, so you better be loud, m’gorgeous wife.”

He walks you both up the stairs and through the backdoor, your snort echoing in the quiet of the night, pulling out the ol’ faithful from the early days with him, “Yes, sir.”

second nature

“What do you think about getting a dog?” you ask from your seat on the bed, propped up against the headboard with a book in your lap. Joel pops his head out from the en-suite, brow quirked as he continues to towel off his hair and laugh softly.

“Can’t say I’ve thought about it, darlin’.” He disappears again, hanging his towel on the back of the door before coming back out of the bathroom with a clean pair of boxers on, washed up from his long day on-site. “Have you been thinking about getting a dog?”

A sheepish grin stretches across your face, shrugging your shoulders as Joel gets into bed. He matches your position, leaning back against the headboard and turning his head toward you. He’s intrigued. If he wasn’t, he’d tell you that you could talk about it more in the morning, and then he would give you his honest opinion in the light of day. Never wanting to start a silly argument before bed, always attempting to keep the peace.

Which made him great at compromising. To what you wanted in the first place.

“I’ve been thinking it would be nice for Sarah. Like something to learn responsibility — teaching her to feed it on schedule and take it for walks and fill the water bowl.”

“Yeah, it’ll teach her that I’ll take on all those responsibilities when she gets bored of it,” your husband snorts at his own comment, making you roll your eyes playfully and scoot closer.

“Oh, c��mon, J. Don’t you think it would be fun to have a dog around? We wouldn’t even need to get a puppy if you think it’s too much. But I work at home nannying baby Amelia so I’d be around all day and then when Sarah gets home from school or camp, she can take him or her for a walk. And then feed it before you even get home. Oh! Or you could take the dog to work with you! How cute would that be, you could train him to grab your tools for you.”

A contagious smile brightens your face in the low lamplight, one that Joel can’t help but mirror on his own face. The eagerness is evident in your expression and your voice, and the proposition doesn’t seem like it would be too difficult of an adjustment. Shaking his head at your suggestions, he laughs quietly while reaching a hair up to smooth your hair away from your face.

“Are you gonna be the one to teach it what all the different screwdrivers are?”

An excited gasp exhales and you scramble to straddle Joel’s lap, “Wait, are you serious? You’re actually okay with getting a dog?”

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you lean back to look at his face. His hands find the curve where your thighs melt into your ass, squeezing gently. Always handsy.

“Yeah, baby, we can get a dog.” Joel groans dramatically when you pull yourself tight against him, hugging him while on hand rubs back and forth at the base of your spine. “I’ve got some conditions though.”

Unraveling from his neck, you stay perched in his lap, nodding fervently. “Anything. Whatever you want, if it means we get a dog.”

“Oh, anything?” he teases with another squeeze of your bum, laughing when you shoot him a look.

“Not what I meant, Miller. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Can’t help it with you, sweet girl. My mind’s always in the gutter around you.” The sentiment is punctuation with a tender kiss to your lips and one to your forehead. Calloused palms skate along your bare thighs, humming contently, “Conditions are: has to be a big dog. Don’t want one of those little white dogs or like something that’ll break if we have babies and they’re a little rough with it.”

The forethought he has for your future children warms your heart, and you agree immediately, “Deal. Didn’t want a little dog anyways. What else?”

“Gotta fence in the backyard. I don’t mind putting in a gate for us and your parents to easily go back and forth through, but I don’t want the chance of the dog gettin’ out when we’re all outside.”

“Totally understandable. I’ll even help you install the fence,” you offer proudly.

“That’s real sweet, Mari baby, thank you. You don’t gotta lift a finger though, I’ll bring some of the guys over and pay a little extra and we’ll get it done in a day, no problem.”

“Alright, so big dog, fence. Anything else you’d like to negotiate, Mr. Miller?” you mock a formal tone, turning your nose up. Joel laughs, tightening his arms around your waist and tugging you closer. Kisses press into your neck and along your jaw, pausing inches away from your lips as he makes his final request.

“Dog sleeps in Sarah’s room or downstairs. I like our privacy.” He smirks before kissing you deeply, easily flipping you onto your back and hovering above you. Your legs hook around his waist and he raises his eyebrows, “That all sound fair to you, Mariposa?”

“Absolutely it does. Guess we’re getting a dog, ri—” You’re cut off by his lips on yours again, pressing you further into the mattress with his body weight.

“Let’s save the rest of this for the morning,” Joel mumbles against your skin as he trails his mouth down your neck to your collarbone, “‘Cause right now, I think I’d rather get some pussy.”

He doubles over in laughter at his own joke, forehead pressing against your chest as his shoulders heave. Your fingers comb into his hair, unable to fight quiet chuckles of your own no matter how hard you try to not give him the satisfaction.

“God, you’re such a dork.”

The clock rolls to 3pm as you sit in your car, lined up along with parents of campers. Shrills of laughter and screams echo from the bright, primary-colored playground across the way, counselors attempting to corral the kids to lead them out for pick-up. Air conditioning blasts on you as you fan at the back of your neck, exhaling in the sweltering Texan heat. It’s only the beginning of summer, June barely having turned over, but the temperatures have reached record highs for the year already.

Your stepdaughter. The thought still makes you smile months on, the dynamic between the two of you falling naturally into a closer, more nurturing relationship. Little acknowledgments from Sarah have made your heart sing over the days; routinely saying goodnight to you along with Joel, asking you for permission to go play outside, seeking you out nearly as much as Joel when she has had a nightmare. The pair of you have built routines of your own before bed, you making a promise to Sarah to read with her and to show her your favorite books from when you were her age.

A few nights ago, Sarah had retreated with you to her room, at least thirty minutes before her bedtime to get in another chapter of Matilda by Roald Dahl. The main character reminded you of Sarah’s sweet and spunky personality, and you were so excited that she fell in love with the story and its characters as quickly as you did when you read it for the first time.

Sat up against her headboard, Sarah laid back in your arms and cracked open the novel where her bookmark stuck out, started to read aloud to you in the low lamplight. Mindlessly, you played with her hair as you listened to her confidently recite the words from the page. The day caught up to you, the peaceful moment pulled a yawn from your lungs. Sarah’s words slowed down, her eyes slowly blinking until they closed, which was your queue to slip the book from her hands and mark the spot, and laid it on her nightstand.

When you tried to slip out from behind her to leave her to sleep soundly, she stirred, mumbling the sweetest, “Will you stay for a little bit, Posey?”

And you had no choice but to oblige her request. After getting comfortable next to her, Sarah curled into your side and you pressed a kiss to her forehead, continued to play with her hair to soothe her back to sleep.

What you hadn’t realized was that you also drifted off in her twin bed with her, the lamp still on. Joel was watching TV downstairs, waiting for you to retreat down the steps as you do every night, but no sign of you after an hour had him standing up to go searching. It was quiet when he reached the top of the stairs, no telling giggles or loud whispers to give the two of you away.

He pushed open the cracked door of Sarah’s bedroom, and was met with a sight that squeezed his heart tight, a sigh exhaled from his lungs. You tucked right next to his little one, and both slept deeply. Without disturbing your rest, he tiptoed over to the nightstand, tugged the blanket up over both of you before he hovered above the bed to press a gentle kiss to each of your foreheads.

Lamp clicked off, he whispered to your unconscious ears, “G’night, girls. Love you two.”

It was a few hours before your usual alarm when you’d woken up, sore from the small space and glanced around the dark room to discover you had fallen asleep next to Sarah. Carefully slipped out from the covers, you tucked her back in and padded down the hall to your bedroom where Joel was sleeping, a soft snore came from him as he’d starfished out on the mattress. You gently shook him half awake to move him, and he groaned softly at the disruption before he tugged you into his chest and pressed a drowsy kiss to your shoulder.

“Was jus’ too cute to wake you up, Mari baby. My Mariposa and my lil’ Bug…” He hummed sleepily into your skin, hand gently rubbed circles in your lower belly while your eyes close, desperate for those last few hours of slumber. “Makes me so happy.”

“Me too, J. M’so, so happy she’s that comfortable with me. My baby best friend. And you’re my big baby best friend…” You breathed out an airy giggle and Joel protested weakly behind you, a gentle pinch to your side before you both exchanged a quick “love you” and drifted right back off.

The reminder of the sweet moment in the morning from Joel was the highlight of your week.

Climbing out of the car, the engine running and door open, you round the front bumper and stand on the curb to wait. You find her before she finds you, calling out to her to grab her attention, “Hey, sweet pea!”

Her familiar deep brown irises search for the source of your voice, landing on your face and waving excitedly. Sarah checks out with her counselor for the day, scurrying over to you with her backpack bouncing at her shoulders.

“Hi, Posey!”

She collides with your torso, her growth spurts finally starting over the last few months so the top of her head hits just at your chest, and nearly knocks the wind out of you. Patting her back, you laugh and pull her back to look her in the face, “Well, hello to you too, Sare Bear. How was camp today? You ready to go?”

After your greetings, she climbs into the backseat on the opposite side of Amelia’s car seat. You store her bag in the passenger seat with yours before retreating around to the driver’s side, heading off once both of you are secured in your seatbelts.

Flicking your eyes up in the rearview mirror, the two of you catch up, which mostly consists of her recapping the camp activities and excitedly talking about the pool day that’s planned for Friday. As you turn onto your street, Sarah’s brow furrows at the sight of Joel’s truck in the driveway.

“Dad’s home already? That’s weird.”

“Hm, I guess he is. Or maybe he’s just stopped by to grab something he forgot. You know how he is.”

Sarah laughs in agreement as you park your car next to his truck. Both of you get out and head in through the garage, straight into the kitchen where Joel’s standing at the counter eating a sandwich.

“Told you, Sare, stopped by ‘cause he forgot something. Lunch.” You send him a teasing grin as you deposit Sarah’s bag by the door and kick off your sandals. She does the same before wandering past her dad to the fridge in search of a snack. Apple doesn’t fall far.

“What? I can’t happen to drop in hoping to see my wife and my daughter in the middle of my work day? Do I have to have ulterior motives?” Joel speaks, words muffling around the bite in his mouth as you approach the island to stand opposite him.

“Dad, you literally always ask ‘What’s for dinner?’ or ‘What’s cookin’?’ after you say hi to us every day. Your motivation is always to get some food,” Sarah chimes in from in front of the fridge, laughing when Joel looks at her offended.

“See? Even a ten year old recognizes the pattern of behavior,” you confirm your findings, laughing as Joel grumbles to himself and pops the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth.

“Well, for your information, both of you, I am here for an entirely different reason than lunch and to see you two.” He crosses his arms in front of his chest, looking between the two of you with a mischievous smile on his face. “Why don’t y’all go look in the living room and then tell me if you wanna keep makin’ fun of Dad?”

Sarah excitedly starts off toward the living room, giddy about the surprise awaiting her. Your brow furrows and lips twist up in curiosity, eyes staying glued to Joel. He laughs and nods to the other room, a bright smile on his face.

“Better go see, mi amor. Think you’ll want to meet him.” Joel winks, your attention being pulled away when you both hear Sarah gasp from the living room.

“Oh my gosh! Posey, come here! Aw!”

That’s when it registers — the surprise, home in the middle of the day, the smirk, ‘you’ll want to meet him’.

“You didn’t,” you breathe out, head snapping back to Joel as he gives you a wide, genuine grin.

“Go! See for yourself.” He rounds the island and grabs your hips from behind, guiding your steps into the living room. Sarah’s giggles fill the room as the fluffy Bernese Mountain puppy stands in her lap and licks at her face. The small dog’s attention is pulled from her and over to you and Joel entering the room, a tiny bark sounding before he scampers over.

“Joel, oh my god, how did you—when—oh my god…” You kneel down to scoop up the little one into your arms and cuddle it gently, giving it pets before letting him run around again.

“Found someone who had a litter with their family dogs the day after we talked about it. And arranged to pick him up. They said he’s the energetic one, and that he’s gonna be a big boy. Like a hundred pounds.”

“Oh my god, he’s so sweet…thank you, J.” You beam up at him, waving him to bend down and steal a kiss, squeezing his shoulder.

Sarah’s playing with your new family dog, tugging with a rope toy as he fights back with his whole little body. “Thank you, Dad. He’s so cute!”

“What should we name him?” Joel asks as he lowers himself to the floor next to you, smiling as the puppy runs over. The two rough house, Joel easily flipping him over to scratch at his belly as the dog pants happily.

“Any ideas, Sare?” you ask, looking over at her.

She thinks for a moment before looking up between Joel and you, laughing at the tiny pup’s antics, “What about Goose? He just seems like one. Like a silly goose.”

“Goose? I like it, Bug,” Joel confirms, turning to you with a grin, “How about you, Mari?”

Nodding, you look at the new addition to the family, burning bright with happiness at your people’s excitement, “I think Goose is a perfect fit. And now you’re not outnumbered anymore, J. Two girls and two boys in the Miller household.”

Sarah laughs and lays down to cuddle with Goose while Joel moves closer to your side, wrapping an arm around you and kissing your head as he quietly whispers, “Hopefully won’t be too long before the boys are outnumbered again.”

“And what makes you say it won’t be us girls being outnumbered?”

“Call it father’s intuition. Wouldn’t know what to do with a little boy, bein’ a dad to another girl would just be second nature. Plus, I would want a mini Mari running around the world.” Joel presses a kiss to your temple before you turn your head, catching his pursed lips with yours sweetly.

“I’d take anything if it means havin’ a little piece of you forever, J.”

third time lucky

Negative.

A single line, bold and brash, stares back at you. Turning the plastic in your hands, you attempt to read it at different angles, the smallest bit of hope lingering for another line to appear — that it was a trick of the light that was causing your disappointment.

To no avail, the blue strip remains unaccompanied in the small window. A sinking feeling fills your body from your toes up. Everything feels heavier, except your lower stomach. That has never felt as empty as it is now.

Heavy footsteps thump a vibration in the floors, but your focus remains on a speck of dust floating in the light past your field of vision. His presence hangs in the bedroom, milling about, unknowing of what you were up to before he came in from mowing the lawn.

“Hey, baby, m’gonna take a shower and then we’ve got Sarah’s softball game at three. Probably half to leave here around two, her coach asked all the parents to be thirty minutes early for some reason…” Joel’s voice fades in your head as your thoughts start to yell, scream, fight, taunt inside of your mind.

A hard swallow pops your ears, the ringing in them growing louder as your mind begins to wander. The test is left discarded on the bathroom counter, with no heart yet to throw it in the garbage where the others have ended up. Your bare feet shuffle against the rug as you seek out solace under covers, even in the ninety-plus-degree heat. The springs of the mattress shift under your weight, lying on your side facing the opposite side of the bed that lays empty right now. The coverlet is pulled up over you, curling your fingers at the hem tightly, white knuckle grip to release some of the tension that has taken over your mind. You want to scream, cry, yell, question — but what you want most of all is to be able.

Why aren’t you able? Why can’t you do what your body is made to do, what it begs for, what it reminds you that you’ve failed at every month?

Joel stands in observation of you, careful distance, one hand lifting before he drops it. He can guess what this is about. What you’ve left behind in the en-suite. But to confirm his suspicions, he quietly walks into the tiled room, leaving his clean clothes on the counter while he picks up the test.

Negative.

His body sinks, toes up to his head, but with a gaping, empty feeling in his chest. There’s so much room left in his heart, room he is eager to fill with another part of you, another love, another soul to protect. Now, though, all of his emptiness is filled with an ache for you. You’ve been dreaming out loud for a year now, wonderings and visions shared with him late nights and early mornings — Will they have his eyes? You hope so, so that they look like their sister. Who’s ears would they have? What quirks will they pick up from both of you? Who will they grow up to be? How will we be able to contain our love for both of our kids?

Our kids. Joel remembers that night; after you said that, he couldn’t hold himself back, couldn’t contain his love for you. No hesitation that his own was yours now, too. All he wanted was to give you another, to see your belly grow and your smile brighten and your skin glow. He was begging for whatever power was in the universe for that time to take, for both of you to be gifted with what you wished for so often, so deeply.

Desperation. Wavering confidence. Sorrow, worry, dwindling hope. He saw it all over you, time after time when the single line appeared on the plastic sticks.

You and Joel had been trying for a year. A long year. Maybe your desire was too strong, too overpowering. But shouldn’t that be a sign of your love? For each other, for your family? All he wants to do is give you the life you’ve wished for. And yes, all you’ve said you want is a life with him, but anyone who meets you would be able to tell you are meant for a nurturing life. Meant for motherhood.

It was already natural for you, taking a ten-year-old in stride, making her into your best friend — making her a priority over Joel most of the time. He knew it didn’t matter to you that she wasn’t yours, biologically speaking, but he can’t help but want to give you a child that is part you. How badly he wants another piece of you in the world, all of your goodness packaged into the purest soul.

Resigning with a sigh, he sets the test down on the cool countertop and exits the bathroom, a slow stride over to your lying form. Crumpled under covers. With a soft groan, he lowers himself to his knees with cracks popping his joints. His age is starting to show the closer he gets to forty and the more hours he works in the summer weather, another looming factor for him — he’s only known being a young dad. If you two have to wait, what would it be like to be nearly sixty when your kid graduates high school?

Shaking the superficial concerns from his head, his wide palm glides along the quilted fabric draped over your side. He rests his chin on his opposite arm, laying against the mattress close to your pillow. At the coax of his touch, you turn over to face him. Lips pursed in a frown, dried watery streaks being washed anew with your fresh tears, fat and rolling down your cheeks and over the bridge of your nose. They drip off of your skin, dotting and darkening the fabric of the pillowcase underneath you.

Joel leans in, brushing your hair from your face and pressing his lips to your forehead for a lingering kiss. A deep breath draws the smell of your shampoo into his nose, down deep into his lungs where it soothes his aching chest.

“Mari, sweet girl, I know it’s hard. I know we want it so bad, but there’s always another option,” he speaks softly, kindly, delicately, “We can go to that fertility specialist your doctor recommended. I promise, mi amor, we’ll have a baby together.”

He means it, and you can tell he means it. Ever since you had been back together, ever since he confessed his feelings for you — years ago now — he hasn’t made an empty promise. From tiny little things like a pledge to stop on the way home for your favorite ice cream, going to three different stores and adding nearly an hour to his day simply to show up with it for you, to larger, grander oaths, his wedding vows, the promise of building a beautiful life with you.

Emotion is thick in your throat as you attempt to vocalize your concerns. They keep you up at night, with Joel’s warm and expansive hand resting on your stomach right above your womb as he sleeps soundly. He wants it clearly as much as you do; you can feel it each time you’ve tried. How badly he wants to provide this for you.

Is he having the same thoughts as you? Does he wonder if something’s ‘wrong’ with you?

“I wanna be able to do it. Why can’t I do it on my own?” The sound of your meek voice shatters his heart and he shakes his head back and forth, adamant in shutting down the thoughts.

Tugging the covers down, Joel’s hands find your exposed skin, sliding across with a clammy touch from his labor outside. And nerves, too, you’d guess. Moving from his knees on the floor next to the bed, he finds a spot sitting at your side and shifts you to lay on your back. Opening up to him. Warmth rests over your womb, blanket pulled down to the tops of your thighs while his thumb brushes at your stomach, catching on the fabric of your shirt.

“No—oh, mi Mariposa, you don’t even know if it would be you with an issue. Very well could be me. Maybe breathin’ all the paint fumes at work killed m’little swimmers.” He breathes a small laugh through his nose, attempting to lighten the mood.

Your hands fly up to your face, muffling your voice, “Oh, god, don’t say that. I wanna have your baby, not some sperm donors.”

His hand coasts up your torso, over to your side to wrap around your rib cage, feeling your breaths as his fingertips lightly tickle the spot, “That was supposed to make you laugh, sweet girl.”

Hands falling away from your face, your brow pinches together and your frown deepens. About to make a retort, your mouth open, Joel skates the fingertips of both his hands up and down your sides, alternated on each side of you to make it harder to catch his wrists. Laughter bubbles up from your chest, your frown morphing into a flashing smile before you’re calling for a surrender in between gasping breaths.

Relenting, his hands stop, settling at the curve of your waist. He leans over you, nudging his nose against yours before pressing a ghosting kiss to your lips. A small grin, hopeful and reassuring, with a tinge of worry flickering in his irises, barely there before his smile reaches his eyes, “It’ll happen for us, Mari baby. Why don’t we say, one last go before lookin’ into the doctors? We’ll do all the things, track whatever we need to track. I’ll drop whatever I need to come home and put a baby in you.”

Joel wiggles his eyebrows, playful smirk crossing his expression. You roll your eyes under him, pushing an accusing finger into his chest, “Like you don’t already do that. I could call you in the middle of work and just go ‘Hey, J’ and you’re in the truck on your way home.”

“That’s right, Mari. As it should be. Y’know what they say — happy wife, happy life.” Another kiss to your lips, this one a bit more savoring. “What d’ya say, mi amor? One more go?”

“Okay, yeah. One more go.”

Butterflies kick up in your stomach when you hear the low rumble of Joel’s truck cut, heavy door swinging closed and quick strides following. The front door opens after a short jingle of keys, shutting behind him with the slide of the lock back into place. Distant grumbles of his make you laugh, his frustrations with his work boots floating upstairs to where you’re sitting on the edge of your bed, leaning back on your hands. Clad in only your bra and panties, you work your bottom lip between your teeth as anticipation builds with each of Joel’s footsteps up the carpeted stairs.

You both only have the afternoon — less than an hour of your afternoon, actually — to make your last attempt. Already having taken advantage of the window in your cycle twice, the peak day of your ovulation fell, of course, during the busiest time of year for Miller Construction. Summer has come to a close, and now people have picked up their home improvements to start nesting for the winter; a craving you’ve been having yourself, desperate to make your home larger and livelier by one more. Joel has snuck away for a moment that you two have alone, and you’ve told the couple you nanny for that you have an immovable appointment for today.

Pretty sure the only thing that will be immovable today will be you once Joel’s hour is up.

“Mari? Mi amor?” he calls out and you chuckle softly at the boyish excitement in his voice.

“In the bedroom, J!”

Joel rounds the doorway into your shared room, stopping a handful of steps past the threshold when he registers the sight of you. He hums a low moan, licking his lips as his eyes devour your lacy undergarments, “Mierda, mi esposa, estás tratando de matarme? (Shit, my wife, are you trying to kill me?) You look so fucking beautiful, darlin’.”

A low whistle leaves his lips as he stalks closer, eyes rake over your form as you present your primped self for his taking.

“You get all pretty for me, sweet girl? I like this…” he rasps as he’s within arm’s reach now, stretching a hand out to toy with the strap of your bra and snapping it against your skin sharply.

“Wanted to look pretty when you fill me up, J.” One curl of his finger under your chin draws you to sit up straight, tilting your head back to look at Joel towering over you.

“Good girl,” he praises, a glint of excitement in his eyes, “You want me to fill up your sweet little cunt, Mariposa? Want me to give you a baby? Tell me.”

“Yes,” you breathe out shakily, eyelids fluttering closed as his hands trail lightly across your exposed skin, ghosting everywhere you need him most.

“More, sweetheart. Dime. Dime cuánto lo deseas. Suplicar por ello. (Tell me. Tell me how badly you want it. Beg for it.)” His instructions float through your head, only keywords translating in while Joel leaves over you, lips pressing feather-light kisses along your neck, across your chest.

“I need it, Joel. Need you so fucking bad, I wanna have your baby. Want you to make me a mom, fill me up as many times as it takes until we get our baby…please, J…” As if the taste of you wasn’t enough to do him in, the wild, fervent look in your eyes intrigues him beyond. Hearing the words from your lips, directed to him, he’s fucking aching. He was growing hard on his way over here, the thoughts swimming through his mind of you laid out and ready for him to take delegating his blood supply to rush down below his belt.

He needs you, but first, he needs to see you unraveling underneath him only from his fingers.

“Don’t worry your pretty little mind, Mari. M’gonna take care of you. I’ll make sure this one takes. Let’s call it third time lucky this summer.”

He shoots you a wink, your mouth parting to respond. Before you can let any breath escape, his lips are crashing with yours. Heavy, heady, and so fucking hot it spirals your thoughts into nothing. His tongue melts with yours, the taste of his black coffee and the donut he must have eaten at work this morning tingling your taste buds. Sweat sticks to his skin when your hands rest at the sides of his neck, falling backwards as he climbs over you. He smells of wood shavings, freshly mowed grass, and hard work — calloused hands gliding along your body and feeling the softest of scratches of his blue collar hands.

“Joel, need you — please.” It’s more of a whine than a begging whimper, rising frustration levels from his lack of touch in the place you need and want him the most.

Your cunt is desperate, dripping down your folds and surely soaking the sheets. A quick jerk of your hips attempts to brush against him, to catch any relief for the need building low in your stomach. A large palm presses your lower half back against the mattress, the other hand pushing your leg to the side to open you up further for him. A knuckle brushes your clit, grazing up and down your seam through your soaked panties. Your husband clicks his tongue as he shakes his head at you, patronizing tone slick in his voice.

“Darlin’, I wanna take every second of my time with you. Are you gonna let me? Gonna let me get your cunt squeezing my fingers? Gonna let me fill you up, mi amor?” he asks, as if you wouldn’t say yes to all of those requests and he knows it. Nodding, a desperate yes exhaled when he applies more pressure with his finger against your clit, rubbing slow circles. “Good girl. Siempre tan bueno para mí. (Always so good for me.)”

Joel folds over your, taking one of your perked nipples into his mouth through your bra and sucking. His tongue flattens against the cup before he’s pulling at the nub with his teeth. The material is darkened where his mouth was when he grows a bit more needy, grabbing at the straps and yanking the bra to rest at your midsection. You slip your arms out of the straps and he pushes you further onto the bed by the back of your thighs, stripping your panties off and settling on his knees.

Pressure forms against your clit from two of his fingers, slow circles dragging a moan from your throat. Joel smirks, satisfied with the way you squirm under him, trying and failing to get more from his hands. Before you can vocalize a whine, Joel is over you again, bringing his attention to your now bare breast while the circles continue. Hot, humid kisses are littered on the soft skin, happy hums rolling from Joel’s chest. He pulls his head up, looking down at your chest with a half grin and his dimple on display.

“You’re gonna get so soft and swollen everywhere, Mariposa. Round belly, huge tits—can’t wait to play with ‘em.” His grin widens, boyish and brazen with the glee that the fact fills him with. “You gonna let me, baby? Gonna let me make your sore tits feel better with my mouth?”

His question goes unanswered as his mouth attaches to one of your nipples, sucking and flattening his tongue as he nurses it. Pulling away with a pop, he mimics the same on the other side, the intensity of his suckling along with his fingers rubbing faster against your clit — even slipping down to tease at your entrance — has you wiggling under him, desperation notching up your spine.

“Joel, please,” you plead, choking on your breath when he pulls the bud of your breast between his teeth, a low growling sound rumbling from his throat.

Two of his thick fingers push into your dripping cunt, a relieved moan echoing against the walls of the bedroom. Curling up into your spongy walls, they thrust quickly and pet at the certain spot inside of you. Joel’s mouth is still at your chest, his hunger feeding itself on the taste of your skin.

“Fuck, Mari, gonna break my fucking fingers off. So fucking tight.”

A distraught whimper crawls from your chest, breaths heaving as your walls clench around his quick-paced fingers. You gasp when he slips a third one in, hooking them up. Despite the stretch, you still feel an emptiness. All you want is his cock inside of you, spilling into you and leaving you to grow fuller with his baby. The thoughts of him above you, fucking it all deeper into you to reach your womb, drive you over the edge. The tips of his fingers press against that spot inside of you, his warm mouth hanging open at your tit while his eyes watch you come undone. Writhing and walls pulsing around his fingers, his name falls from your mouth as you choke out moans and your vision grows dark.

“That’s it, Mari baby, fuck,” Joel works you through the orgasm before his fingers leave you and he sits back on his haunches. Sucking his digits clean of your slick and come, the other hand rubs your thigh gently before he coos down at you, “That was a big one, wasn’t it? Feel good?”

Still coming down from it all, your body feels liquidity, taking whatever form Joel is molding you into right now after he’s stripped himself bare. One hand slips under you, unclasping your bra and tugging it away from your torso, leaving you as naked as him. His eyes drink in your body while his grip holds your calves, chuckling darkly when you finally breathe out a response, “I feel…like I need you to put a baby in me.”

“Cualquier cosa para usted, mi esposa. Vas a estar tan lleno de mí. Te encanta la sensación de mi mecos dentro de ti, ¿verdad? (Anything for you, my wife. You're going to be so full of me. You love the feeling of my cum inside of you, don't you?)” Your head rolls with a nod, agreeing to anything Joel says in the moment, still hazy from how hard he’d made you come moments ago. Half-lidded eyes watch as he licks his fingers, stroking his cock a few times with a quiet sigh. That’s something you could watch all day — Joel’s pleasure. And here underneath him, you have the perfect view, and the perfect position to be used for it.

Fully handing over control to him, his hands tug you up so your ass sits on his thighs while he’s on his knees. Fingertips skate along the distance of your legs, grabbing at your calves to rest them on his broad shoulders. Even the slightest shift forward from his hips stretches you wide, a delicious ache creating a craving for more.

“Tell me how bad you want it, Mari, tell me how much you wanna have my baby.”

Joel’s gripping his length, rubbing his tip through your wet folds. The notches against your clit quiver the already stretched muscles in your thighs, whines replacing words coming out of your mouth.

“Tell me, or I won’t give you what you want, mi amor.”

“I want it so bad, J. I wanna feel you fuck me so full of you, and I don’t want that feeling to leave. I feel like there’s an emptiness and only you can fill it, I want your baby. Wanna have everyone know how good I am for you, carrying your baby like you want me to. I wanna have a part of you forever,” you gasp out the last word, Joel’s cock inching into you. Muscle memory takes over, your whole body relaxing with the knowledge that he’ll take care of you — he’ll always take care of you.

Joel bottoms out easily, filling you to the hilt before he pauses to take a breath. His eyes meet yours and he smiles, sweet and sincere, while holding your shins, “I fucking love you, mi Mariposa. Wanna give you a baby…”

“Pleasepleaseplease—” You don’t know if you’re begging more for him to give you what you want or to move his hips, but in the end, you get both.

Joel starts out slow, shallow thrusts keeping him inside of you. Grunts from the controlled movements fill the room, your small whimpers following each noise he makes. The sound of him fucking into your cunt captures his attention, gaze zeroed in on where you two meet. Watching the stretch of your tight pussy around his cock, he feels the burning desire for more. To watch you take it deeper, harder.

The next snap of his hips is just that - smacking his skin against your ass before he adjusts, laying you back completely on the mattress and leaning over you. Your legs are still hooked over his shoulders, the burning of your muscles now straining your hamstrings and glutes. His entire body folds you, his head hovering over yours as he fucks into you further. The tip of his cock kisses your womb, the force of his thrusts driving your hips open more for him.

“Gonna — fuck — gonna make you a momma, Mariposa. That what you want? Get fucked so well, be so full of me that we make a baby? Everybody’s gonna know I treat my wife right. With your round belly…swollen—ah—swollen tits. Gonna be so beautiful, and so fucking sensitive everywhere.”

His words only add onto the feeling of his thick cock filling you up, nearly verging on too far and too much. Moans exhale on your lips, his name repeated like a chant with each harsh snap of him into you. Your hands scramble for purchase as his sheer power drives you up the mattress, sheets scratching against your bare back. One set of fingers dig into the meaty flesh of his shoulder, nails pressing crescent shapes like an iron-hot branding.

Above you, Joel studies how your mouth has fallen open, thoughts completely left your mind with how cockdrunk you are. He gingerly grips your chin, holding it to face him and commanding your eyes to his as he pants heavily.

“What d’you wanna make me, baby?” It’s only met with the sounds of his cock dragging in and out of you, the slap of skin as you gasp under him. “C’mon, Mari baby, use your words.”

“A daddy,” you breathe out, your opposite hand combing into his messy curls and gripping tight.

“Say it again. Dime.” Not thinking it was possible, Joel pushes you further, hitting into you harder with each thrust nudging his tip toward your cervix. You might only leave this afternoon with soreness, but you continued to hold out hope for a baby to be the well-worth prize for how you’re going to feel tomorrow.

“A daddy!”

“Dime. Dime. Dime,” he commands and you listen, writhing under him as he hacks away at your shared resolve, throwing you closer and closer to the edge.

“Daddy — oh, fuck, a daddy. Wanna make you a daddy!” You’re yelling at this point, sobs of pleasure wracking your body and you thank god for a split second that the two of you are home alone in the middle of the work day. Surely the whole block might be hearing all of your wanton sounds.

“God, I could get used to you calling me that, Mari baby,” Joel groans and throws his head back, bearing his teeth as he punches his hips into your clenching pussy, the telltale sign that you’re close.

“C’mon, mi amor, give it to me. Come for me and I’ll let your fucking pussy milk me for every last drop. That’s what you want, right? Gotta fill you up and make a baby for my Mari baby.” He’s rambling as you reach your peak, toes curling and coming even harder than your first one this afternoon.

A near scream pulls itself from as deep as your gut, the sound as if you were in more pain than the absolute pleasure you feel. Your grip on his hair tightens, drawing him down for a messy kiss as you mumble against his lips.

“Please gimme a baby, J. Need it all inside of me, please. Come for me, mi esposo.”

The name sends goosebumps across his shoulders and trickles down his spine before he’s barking your name once and spilling into you, painting your walls with each rope. He takes a moment to breathe before he gently presses his hips in a few short thrusts, fucking his spend as far into you as possible.

Joel collapses against your torso, no other efforts exerted to move away. Delicate, nimble touches brush the hair from his sweaty forehead, rubbing his shoulders as he hums contently.

“Fuck, baby, might just have to stay inside. Keep you plugged up so I can stay here all day with you.” Quiet, breathless laughter leaves your lips as you shake your head, tracing along his jaw before he turns his head to press his lips into your tummy.

“Can’t wait for you to be a momma. Gonna be the best one ever, y’already are. Love you so much.”

The two of you lay like that for what feels like hours, only to be reminded of Joel’s limited schedule when his cell starts ringing from downstairs. Getting up with a groan, he slips out of you and lifts your hips, stuffing a pillow or two underneath them to keep your lower half elevated. You roll your eyes at the superstitious gesture, gasping when his fingers push into you once more to put his leaking come back into where it belongs.

“Gotta make sure it takes, pretty girl. Wanna see you get all round with my baby in you. Everybody’ll know how good I am to you, huh? Pumping you full of me so much we made a new fucking life…better stay like this until I get home again, Mari baby. Wanna make sure those lil swimmers get all the help they can get.”

“Mm…” you hum, hands grabbing for him to lean over you again. Sneaking a kiss, you pull away to whisper to him with a grin on your lips, “Better get back to work…daddy.”

He snorts out a laugh, beaming a bright smile as mischief glimmers in his eyes, “Mal. Mala chica. (Bad. Bad girl.)”

Three days late. You’ve been tracking your cycle like a mad woman, ticking off days in the notebook next to your bed, and now you’re officially three days late. Joel and you had agreed to wait a few days after you expected your period, hopeful that the extra time meant a more accurate, and desired, result.

The kitchen timer sitting on Joel’s side of the bed ticks away while you side on the edge of the bed. Tapping your fingers against your thighs, bare skin against your fingertips from the high hem of your denim shorts. Joel paces the room, eyes focused a thousand yards ahead. Anxiety and anticipation had been plaguing both of you all day, work slugging by minute by minute, second by second. Joel had left the jobsite as soon as was acceptable, leaving Tommy to wrap up, and swung by the pharmacy to pick up a new box of tests. Your task for the day was to chug water, or any liquid, all afternoon — by the time Joel was one foot through the door, you were ready to burst. Snatching the bag of tests out of his hand, you ran to the bathroom to pee in a plastic disposable cup and stick at least three tests in.

Now, you two are waiting for more seconds and minutes to tick by, added to the tally of the entire day. As you’re about to stand and stop Joel from burning treads in the area rug from walking his tight circles, a trill of a bell vibrating demands your attention. Turning off the noise in a flash, you stand and cross the room to where your husband is now frozen in place. A gentle touch to his cheek, his eyelids flutter close and he takes a long exhale before opening them again.

“Ready?” you ask, uncertainty pitching your voice up.

A minute nod, one shake of his chin, Joel’s hand finds the small of your back as he responds, “Ready, mi amor.”

His hand guides you into the bathroom, and a handful of steps from the three tests laid out on the counter, you turn around, panic twisting your expression. Joel stumbles to stop his collision with you, large palms grabbing onto your biceps to catch himself.

“M’scared, J…” Your voice is meek, cracking with emotion. This is the last shot you gave yourselves, whatever is laid on the counter either means unbridled joy or a long road of poking and prodding in countless doctors’ offices.

The warmth of his hands rubbing your arms and the press of his lips to your forehead coax you to relax, to take deep breaths, “I know, Mari baby, I would be lyin’ if I said I wasn’t scared too. But no matter what is on those tests, we’re in it together, right sweet girl?”

His index finger hooks under your chin to draw your attention up to his face, a small smile filled with love and reassurance stretching his lips.

“Always in it together, J.” You take another deep breath, turning around and nodding shortly, “Okay, now m’ready.”

“That’s my girl,” he mumbles before he’s following right behind you again, the two of you pressing yourselves to each other against the counter. Joel has an iron grip on your hips, nerves manifesting in the squeezes of his hands. Shaking fingers turn over each test before picking them all up to your lines of vision.

Two lines. Two bold lines screaming at both of you, across all three tests.

Positive.

Positive. You’re pregnant. You and Joel are having a baby.

“Holy shit…” Joel exhales behind you, smile creeping into his voice. Somehow, his grip gets even tighter as he turns you around, “Holy shit! You’re pregnant, Mari. We’re havin’ a baby! You’re gonna be a momma!”

Giddiness overcomes both of you, happy and disbelieving laughter while you hold each other in a tight embrace. Joel litters kisses around your face, catching your lips last — all teeth and tight lipped from your matching grins.

“You’re gonna be a dad again, how’s that feel?”

“Like I won the damn lottery, mi amor.”

Another kiss, supple and heavy. Joel pulls away first and shakes his head, pressing his forehead to yours, “I love you so fucking much, Mari.”

“I love you too, J.”

“You ready to go, Sare?” you ask, standing next to her seat at the kitchen table where she’s working away at her homework, reaching a hand out to play with her curls. She smiles and nods, writing down one last answer to a question on her worksheet before she lays her pencil down and stands up, rushing over toward the door.

“Just gotta get my shoes on!” she calls out, and you smile, shaking your head.

“Take your time, sweet pea! God knows it’s gonna take me longer to walk over to the door.” Your joke falls on deaf ears of your husband, who stands at the kitchen island and rolls his eyes before he’s crossing the room over to you. Within arm’s length, his hands cup the bottom of your large belly, leaning in for a sweet peck.

“Nobody cares if you move slow. Better to be careful than—”

“Careless, yes, I know. I think those might be our baby’s first words since they hear them so much from their dad,” you tease and he shrugs, kissing you again while his touch wanders across the flannel of his that you’re sporting, too tired to buy more maternity clothes that you’ll grow out of and opting for his closet every morning.

“Jus’ looking out for my girls. All three of ‘em.” He beams proudly, brown eyes shining brightly before he turns you in his arms, accompanying you to the front door where your near-teenager is waiting. Ever the sweetheart she is, she’s got your purse slung on her shoulder, car keys in hand to pass off to you. You thank her quietly, turning back to Joel as he looks between the two of you.

“Alright, have fun with your girls’ day. And call if you need anything — either of you. I’ll be waitin’ here for ya.” Joel smooths down Sarah’s hair before kissing the crown of her head; she squirms away, the teenage attitude rearing its head in some early moments, especially with her dad. There’s less patience for him, which you completely understand as a teenage girl once yourself. He huffs out a sigh as she slips out the door, heading down the front path toward your car.

“Hey, s’nothing. Teenage girl things. She loves you, and you’re the best dad.” A hand on his cheek coaxes him down to your lips, a supple kiss exchanged before he pulls away and bends to kiss the top of your belly.

“Bye, my little June Bug.” He stands upright again and steals another kiss, mumbling, “And bye, mi Mariposa. Drive safe, let me know if you need anything while you’re out. I love you.”

“We love you too. And m’speaking for the moody one, too.” Joel chuckles and rubs your bump once more before sending you on your way, watching and waving from the door as y’all drive away.

The plan for today had come about when you started to notice Sarah growing quieter, retreating to her room more often after family dinners and denying the chance at movie night some days. Joel had noticed too, but was a bit nervous to broach it with her, not wanting to make her feel bad about being more independent.

Your relationship with her though was much different to Joel’s. There was the foundation of your caretaking role with her, much more of a friend with authority when it was only you two before you were anything close to a parental figure. More open and, well, you could relate more to what she was going through. She confided in you first about girls at school being catty, about her growing crushes on boys in her grade. And this year, only a month after your due date, she will officially become a teenager. It was a strange time in any girl’s life, full of growing pains.

And on top of all of that, add on a new baby arriving. Attentions drawn elsewhere, priorities shifted to preparing for the baby. Sarah never fell to the backburner in your minds, but you didn’t know how she was feeling. Guessing by her quiet actions, you could tell she was feeling left out but didn’t want to stir up trouble.

Always the sweet girl. And you knew how that was.

So, you’d asked her for a girls’ day, excluding her dad from the fun and giving both of you some time with each other to feel like it was years before. It was all about Sarah today, no mentions of baby — no buying diapers or supplies or clothes. A promise made to yourself to make Sarah feel special, because that is exactly what she was. The baby on the way may be your first biological child, but nothing can compare to the unique bond that you have with your Sare Bear.

The day was spent waddling throughout the mall, helping her pick out new outfits and shoes for the end of the school year. Collecting a haul, you two stopped off for lunch and a trip to the nail salon before you finally made your way back home in the evening. Sarah was smiling brightly in the passenger seat, joking around with you and eagerly telling you all about the latest school drama. Your heart was about to burst with how much she’d come out of her shell again all day, even wanting to show off her new things to her dad when you both got back.

In the living room, Joel greets you two from the couch, eyes widening and a low whistle leaving his lips when he sees the damage done, “Quite some shoppin’ there, Bug. Y’all buy out the whole store?”

You wave him off and encourage Sarah to show off her haul, walking over to settle onto the sofa next to Joel. The younger Miller excitedly starts pulling out pieces and showcasing them, excitedly telling her dad exactly where she plans to wear them. His hand rests on your leg, attention completely focused on his daughter in front of him, squeezing you gently when she gets particularly worked up over something. You can tell he feels what you were in the car, heart bursting that she seems like herself again after a day spent with you.

“That’s nice, Sare Bear. I like the color,” Joel comments on the last shirt Sarah holds up, her smile still beaming as she tosses it back into the bag.

“Thanks, Mom actually picked it out! I thought it would be fun to have for camp this year, since I’m gonna start the counselor training program…” Her voice trails off as Joel listens intently. You, on the other hand, take deep breaths to hold it together, the simple moniker rolling off of Sarah’s tongue so naturally. Your heartbeat thumps in your chest, and baby Miller kicks her feet against your tummy — equally as excited.

You manage to keep it calm while Sarah recaps the rest of the day before she gathers up her shopping bags to take to her room. As she’s leaving the room, she’s quick to run over and give you a hug, leaning down to meet you where you sit on the couch. Your belly sticks out between the two of you, but regardless you pull her into a tight squeeze as she says thank you. Her curls bounce as she scampers off upstairs, the quiet sounds of her feet in the hallway queuing your watery eyes to overflow and for your nose to sniffle. Joel is grinning brightly next to you, pulling you into his lap and holding you against him as he wipes the few happy tears away.

“She called me Mom…” you whisper to your husband, afraid to admit it any louder as if it would disappear.

Joel presses his forehead against yours, a sweet kiss against your lips before he whispers back, “You have no idea how happy it makes me to know she feels that way about you.”

“I just…I feel so lucky. And maybe it’s hormones, but oh my god, I can’t stop blubbering. I’m a mom.”

“You’re the best mom. Have been to Sarah since she met you, and you’re going to be the best mom to our little one on the way.”

June 21st, 2009.

The first day of summer.

It’s the first day of summer and you’re stuck inside. Not at home, no, you’re currently propped up in a hospital bed with your legs in stir-ups, breathing in between contractions. Exhaustion weighs on your body, a full hour passing of you pushing in time with the pain in your abdomen that radiates all over. Sweat sticks your hair to your forehead and Joel sitting next to you brushes it out of the way. His other hand is limp in yours, ready to be squeezed with a vice grip whenever you need to push. Joel leans over you in level with your head, lathering on encouragements.

“You got this, Mari.”

“So strong, baby. You can do it.”

“Thank you, mi amor, thank you thank you thank you.”

The last one comes after a string of complaints against him doing this to you — despite you both knowing you begged for it nine months prior — and for having such a big head in his own baby photos that he had to have passed down to the baby.

Another wave kicks in, your doctor and nurses coaching you to give another final push. Putting every last bit of your energy behind the flex of your muscles, groaning out with pain and frustration before a piercing cry fills the room. Heavy, tiny sobs ring in your ears.

“You did it, baby, m’so proud of you. Our little girl,” Joel says in awe, glancing between you and where the doctor holds your little baby girl, summoning Dad over to cut the cord.

She’s taken away to be cleaned up and Joel returns to your side, ready to help you attentively through the afterbirth. You wave him off, begging him to go keep an eye on your little girl. Once she’s clean enough, the nurses lay her on your bare chest, the sight of her tiny fingers and toes bringing about your own cries. Your hands hold her there, delicate touches brushing against her soft skin and her damp but full head of dark brown hair.

The rest of the process is painful but smoother, shorter. Before you know it, all tests are done and Joel is next to the bed again, wiping a damp cloth across your forehead.

A rush of adrenaline, pure unfiltered need and excitement to meet your daughter keeps you awake, sitting up carefully as you accept her into your arms from your husband who’s wearing the biggest smile. He sits on the edge of the bed, hand on your leg as you study the features on her small face.

“She’s perfect, isn’t she, Mari? Looks like her momma.”

You beam, shaking your head as you place a fingertip against her nose, “See, I think she looks like her daddy. Already got the grumpy brow.”

Both of you laugh, your unbridled attention on the tiny bundle in your arms as you gush over her for minutes longer. Joel rubs your leg, drawing your eyes up to him as he asks, “So you think we picked a good name?”

“I think we picked a perfect name. Our ‘S’ girls,” you grin at him before looking down at your little girl, “Skye Isla Miller. I think it suits her perfectly.”

A bit more time is spent between only the two of you and Skye before you’re itching to see your eldest, and for her to meet her little sister. Joel retreats to where Sarah’s in the waiting area with Tommy and Maria, who’s now three months pregnant herself, waving her to come back with him. She nervously enters the room, quiet as a mouse until you reassure her with a smile and welcome her to sit in the bed next to you.

Joel makes the introductions, voice thick with emotion as he stands over his three girls, watching as his first little one meets his second, “Sarah Elena, this is your baby sister, Skye Isla.”

Sarah quietly asks permission to hold her; you lay Skye in her arms carefully, teaching her how to support her head and where to avoid her soft spot. Sarah picks up on it like a natural, adjusting her little sister when she fusses a bit, finally settling into a new set of familiar hands.

“Dad said you did a really good job, Mom. With everything today. S’pretty cool that you brought a whole person into the world…” Sarah glances over at you with a shy smile before addressing both you and Joel, “M’really happy she’s here.”

“You’re gonna be a great big sister, Bug,” Joel beams with pride as he squeezes her shoulder, leaning over to press a kiss to the crown of your head. He hums as he looks over you three, “Got my Mariposa, my Bug, and my little June Bug. Mi maripositas. Don’t think anything could beat seeing my three girls altogether finally.”

You find yourself observing your family from afar, listening with muffled ears as Joel and Sarah chat about who Skye got what features from. Cheeks aching from smiling, you can’t help but think that this summer was off to the most wonderful start, and that every summer after was only going to get better.

taglist: @beskarandblasters @undrthelights @swiftispunk @joelsversion @asirenbyanyothername @ellenmunn @ja-ehyun @sw33tp1xie @marisemonteiroo @brunetteeras @bongsrconfusing @addictedtotlou @angie2274 @pedrostories @pedroholic @theelishad @johnwatsn @elissa @felicityofbakerstreet @atinylittlepain @northernbluess @cannolighost @casa-boiardi @wannab-urs @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @fishingforpike @msjarvis @walkintotheriveranddisappear @sugadolly @yazsos @peppesgirl @pastawench @anoverwhelmingdin @wolfbook87 @mswarriorbabe80 @planet-marz1 @kiwisbell @lizzie-cakes

#joel #writing #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller au #joel miller smut #joel miller fluff #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfic #joel miller angst #joel miller series #tlou fanfic #tlou fic #tlou fanfiction

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po1sonous-l0ve · 4 days

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saw something in my notes about a daughter of nyx, so here we are. Shoutout to the person who commented it on my pjo hcs!

Jason Grace x child of Nyx headcannons

•He carries a parasol around with him during summer to shield you from the sun.

•whenever you're angry, you give off shadows, and he knows to stay away.

•You help him with his ptsd nightmares, as he often comes puffy eyed to you in the night.

•He'll sit down on the floor and place his head in your lap as you sit on the bed and quietly stroke his hair.

•You often end up with his arms around your waist, head resting on your stomach.

•You two are grumpy and sunshine dynamic fr fr

•Like you'll be getting into a heated argument and all the campers run to go get him.

•he'll gently rest his hand on your shoulder and you'll instantly calm down.

•You normally hate other people's touch, but you crave his.

•You have a resting bitch face, and whenever he introduces you to someone, he has to add, 'ik she looks scary, but shes really nice, trust.'

•I don't know what else to add.

•uhh, sometimes he calls you Batman when you're being grumpy.

•You pretend to hate all the pet names he gives you (darling, angel, honey) but secretly melt inside when he calls you them.

#pjo #jason grace #jason grace x reader #jason grace x y/n #pjo headcanon #pjo hoo toa #heroes of olympus

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hopelesslyromanticshark · 3 months

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Would you be willing to do something with Will and a fem!Apollo reader? Having a really rough time or anxiety or something and Will comforting/helping? (I mean this platonic of course!)

✮⋆˙ the sun don't always shine; platonic! will solace x daughter of apollo! reader panic attack blurb

content: platonic! will solace x daughter of apollo! reader panic attack blurb warning: as you can see from the first line language, mentions and description of a panic attack author's note: doctor will to the rescue!!! also i dunno if im capturing the full effect of a panic attack still but i just...kinda dont care enough to resreach hmmmm maybe ill get stressed out enough with school to get one and then i can do hands on research...yeah that'll be fun IM KIDDING YALL DO NOT FRET FR FR

"fuck, not again..." you huffed, feeling that growing tightening of your chest. you squeezed your eyes shut and pressed a firm hand to your heaving torso. you tried the breathing techniques kayla had showed you but they were no good. the worst part is that you weren't even sure what you were panicked about. this happened to you sometimes, just this blanketing feeling of dread and aniexty that left you heaving breaths in on the floor of cabin seven.

"no, no, no, not now," you whined desperately to yourself but you knew there was no stopping it as your hands had started to shake and your knees were beginning to buckle. its times like these you wished you got your father's medical skills over the stupid ability to write poetry. sure you could compare moments like these to the sinking teeth of adulthood or the comforting hand of the past, eager to drag you down with it. but that really didn't do your inability to get air in any good in the moment. now you were starting to get lightheaded, using one of your siblings beds to slowly slower yourself to the hardwood floors, your fingers digging into their yellow comforter.

"hey, y/n, are you-" will's voice broke through the cabin but he quickly shut his mouth and made his way over to his darling sister, dropping to his knees next to you.

"oh, y/n, i'm here. it's okay, i got you," will cooed, hesitantly reaching his hands out. instantly, you slumped into his comforting hold, feeling his warm hands squeeze at your shoulders and rub over your back. and you weren't sure if he was using his blessed medical skills as still you couldn't get air in.

"you know, when i was younger, this used to happen to me all the time," will whispered, waiting for a moment as he could feel your heartbeat slowing with his words, "it was terrible for my mom, she didn't know what to do. just these inconsolable moments of tears and heaving breaths. then she took me to a doctor. he told me there was nothing wrong with me, just that sometimes my brain gets worried about me and panics my body into thinking something is wrong. he was so kind and gentle with the explanation. that was the moment i wanted to become a doctor too. tell others that there's nothing wrong with them, too. other people like you."

your breathing had mellowed out and the tears had dried against your cheeks. you glanced up at your older brother, who offered you a comforting smile as he gently ruffled your matching blonde hair.

"you okay?" he asked, offering a soft tilted smile.

"i will be," you replied, beaming back your attempt at a smile.

"well, what more could i ask for, huh?"

#postcards from covey ౨ৎ #all my love ౨ৎ #pjo #pjo fandom #hoo #will solace #pjo hoo toa

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eleganzadellarosa · 8 months

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pairing: vampire!au, kyungsoo x fem!reader, dom!kyungsoo x sub!reader, kyungsoo x virgin!reader, Prince!Jongin x reader

genres: smut, angst

words: 14.8K

warnings: EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT, MINORS DNI [masturbation, slight spit play, face sitting, squirting, unprotected sex (wrap it up fr), biting kink, pet names (darling, princess, love, baby),choking, oral (m and f receiving), fingering…etc.],cheating, blood (this should make sense)

author's note: I got tired of there not being enough Kyungsoo smut (to my knowledge anyway. If you have some recs, please do share) so I decided to write my own. Plus the teaser pics for cream soda did something to me and I needed to express it through writing lol. There's some plot but we're all here for the smut, and trust me it's smutty. So please enjoy, tell me what you think and thank you for reading <3

part 2 can be found here

Tomorrow was a special day, a day that you longed so earnestly for. Prince Jongin would be visiting again and with the amount of times he’s come over, a proposal was definitely underway. Jongin was a dream come true, the epitome of the “perfect husband". He possessed qualities that one could only ask for while on their knees. From his looks to his status, he was desired by many, yet his heart only yearned for you. It made you blush just to think about everything and how much of a blessing it truly was. The man was gorgeous, from his sun kissed tanned skin, to his tall frame and toned body.

But his physical appearance had nothing to do with why you fell head over heels for him. He was kind, sweet and gentle, something that most suitors only faked while courting their potential spouse. You’ve heard the stories and how many women lost the love for their husbands within the first couple months of marriage only to be stuck with bearing their children until death did them part. That wouldn’t be you though because that wasn’t Jongin--he was different. His personality was genuine and it was apparent from head to toe.

3 months in total counted for the amount of days that he’s visited which was considered standard courting practice for your time period. Your parents loved him and your heart skipped a beat whenever he was close. You wanted no one but him and you knew he felt the same about you. The time drifted by way too slowly and as you lay awake on your bed, your mind ran at 100 miles per minute. Scenario after scenario about how tomorrow would go kept you occupied until your mind finally relaxed enough for you to drift off to sleep.

“Wake up...wake up! It’s half past eleven!”

The sun shined brightly through the window across from you, violently pulling your heavy lids open. Your body tries to coast back into its peaceful slumber, but the person shaking you vetoed your plans. Your eyes once again opening to find said person extremely close to your face, making you immediately sit up as if you were already fully awake. It was Vivian, your servant, but you didn’t like to call her that because she was much closer to you than someone who would do whatever because of your superiority over them.

You were an only child, so she has been the only one around your age for as long as you could remember. She’s the daughter of a previous servant that once lived here but she died before you or Vivian were older than newborns and your parents were kind enough to let her stay instead of leaving her in the hands of an orphanage. You pitied her but she hated when you did so you tried not to show it, but you knew how hard it must have been without a mother. She never admitted it but your family is the only she’s ever really known so she didn’t know what to miss.

“Hurry, you have about 30 minutes before he gets here and you still haven’t bathed!” she says as she tugs at your arm, slightly pulling you off the bed. As much as you thought about him last night, you almost forgot who was coming today. You rushed off into the bathroom, where Vivian already had your bath set. She made sure to add some rose petals to your water, ensuring that your smell would linger every time you passed the prince by.

She left the bathroom after making sure everything was just right to give you some privacy. The bath relaxed you, maybe a little too much and the moment you stumbled into dreamland for the second time this morning, there was a knock at the door. Vivian came rushing in, towels in hand.

“He’s here! Get out right now, you still have to get dressed! And why are you so tired?!”

"I stayed up all night thinking about today, I couldn't help it!" you pouted as you reluctantly stepped out of the tub.

She shook her head while chuckling and pushed you out the bathroom door.

Your heart beat so fast it felt as though it would break through your rib cage at any moment. You both quickly rushed into your room, ready to choose the perfect outfit for today. Being aware of his love for soft colors, you opted for a powder blue peasant cut dress and white corset. You styled your long black tresses in a half up half down style with curtain bangs. The accessories were simple; dangling pearl earrings and a pearl hairpin to match. You weren’t one to wear makeup, but today being the special day that it is, powder set your face and a rose balm on your lips complimented your slightly tanned skin. You stood from your place at your marble vanity and did a small twirl for Vivian to assess the final look. Before she could speak, there was a knock on your door.

“Princess, please come down to the main hall and greet Prince Jongin, he has arrived.” The familiar voice of the butler spoke on the other end of the door. The anxiety began to swell when everything set in but you couldn’t let your emotions get the best of you. Feeling anxious was pointless anyway because you’ve met with Prince Jongin multiple times, but for some reason there was suddenly a heaviness in the air that made your stomach churn. She gives you a nod of approval and you both make your way out the door to head downstairs to greet your guest.

As you walk down the imperial staircase, you see two faces; one familiar and the other not so much. You curtsy in front of Jongin and he takes your hand in his, placing a small kiss on the back.

“It’s a pleasure to see you again Princess. You look gorgeous as always.” he says smiling.

You return his smile and compliments but can’t help letting your gaze fall on the unfamiliar man standing feet apart from him. There was something in the way he stood, something in the way he looked, something you couldn’t put your finger on, but there was something off about him.

“Oh yes, please excuse my manners. Allow me to introduce you to my servant, Kyungsoo. A man of few words, but loyal nonetheless. You shall be seeing him a lot more often I hope?” he says insinuating that you accept his proposal; one which you’d be stupid to refuse.

Kyungsoo bows and makes his way over. Studying the man in front of you, he’s clad in a white blouse, the first three buttons unsecured so a small amount of the skin on his chest shone like the moon peaking out from the clouds. Black slacks, black dress shoes and then three dainty gold necklaces don his neck. His hair was also black, tousled perfectly in an elegant manner. A handsome man indeed, you had to admit, and the sense of mystery surrounding him had you staring for a lot longer than you’d have liked.

He stared back awaiting your move so he may properly greet you, yet here you were stuck, trapped and falling into his deep black orbs. There was a feeling there, something different from when you looked at Jongin. Like the pair whose love was forbidden yet the two couldn’t stay apart. The love could not be portrayed in plain sight but the tension between the two created a impenetrable force field.

Vivian clears her throat next to you which snaps you out of your thoughts. You curtsy and offer your hand to him who gently takes your hand in his. He also places a small kiss on the back, yet he doesn’t break eye contact. The small action making your breath get caught in the back of your throat.

With him being so close, you could smell the fragrance that wafted your way. It was breathtaking, like nothing you’ve ever smelled before. It was so perfect that it seemed to come from his pores, pheromones clouding and intoxicating your judgement.

“The king said he would be waiting for us. We should not keep him any longer.”

The statement from Jongin makes you avert your eyes from Kyungsoo and he removes his lips from your hand. He made your knees like jelly and your heart race a marathon. Your guard was down and you allowed yourself to fall prey to the subtle seduction.

Lunch in the banquet went quite well. Laughs, clinking wine glasses and cutlery colliding with the china filled the large space. Every once in a while those sounds were replaced with sips, breaths and sighs. You caught Jongin stealing a few glances your way when you moved to tuck your bangs behind your ear, making you blush every time. In the meantime, this is what kept your head on straight and you had almost forgot he brought his servant along, until he came in with Vivian to announce that dessert would be served shortly.

Having Kyungsoo in your presence made your posture straighter, if that was even possible. Everything about him made the hairs on the back of your neck erect. You shakily reach for the wine glass in front of you and knock it over, the red liquid spilling onto your dress. You gasp and quickly stand up from your chair and dab the area with the spare cloth from the table. You look up to see all eyes on you and you mentally slap yourself for the embarrassing act.

"Are you okay Princess?" Jongin asks, walking up to you with a fresh cloth.

“Yes, thank you. I must excuse myself, I would hate for my suitor to see me in such a messy manner.”

“Please, do not worry about such trivial things. I will be here when you return so please take your time.”

You smiled and bowed your head before heading toward the exit, Kyungsoo’s eyes never leaving your form. It made your body shudder. For what reason did Jongin bring him along? He was usually by himself but this time he brought his plus one. Was he to act as a test for your loyalty? You would have to keep your eyes on any tricks that he may try to play, you would hate for the prince to back out on the proposal because you couldn’t contain your newfound lust for his servant.

By the time you finished changing into something that wasn’t stained with wine, it was announced that lunch would be ending early. It felt like your fault even though you knew there must have been another reason. Dessert was the only part of the meal that would be missed so it was not that big of a deal.

You searched around for Jongin only to find that he was with your father in his study. A guard blocked the door and informed you that their conversation was important and the king ordered they were to not be disturbed. You thanked him for the information and tried to contain the giddiness you felt rising in your chest. They could only be talking about one thing and you hoped you were right. As you turned on your heels to leave, the guard cleared his throat.

“You did not hear this from me, but Prince Jongin will be staying with us until Sunday.”

Although surprising, it was a logical decision since the journey back for him was quite long and the day was almost over. By the time dinner came around, he had excused himself and settled for a nap instead, further confirming the trip was taxing. You wanted to bring up their conversation over the meal but you knew your impatience would only irritate your father, so finding out would have to wait. If only waiting wasn't so hard.

After dinner, you made up your mind to get ready for bed early so you would have all your energy for a full day with Jongin tomorrow. You enter the bathroom and undress in front of the tub, throwing your worn clothes to the side not caring where they landed. The water was warm yet kissing the temperature of being too hot, but it relaxed your muscles which was much needed after feeling so tense for most of the day. You cup your hand to gather water and run it down your body, taking deep breaths and closing your eyes, the scent of lavender floating through your nostrils.

"Princess..." an unfamiliar voice making you jolt, your eyes shooting open. There was no knock on the door or sound of the door opening. You turn around and see Kyungsoo standing not far from where you were. You quickly sink further down into the tub in hopes that the water would cover your breasts.

"Sir Kyungsoo…what are you doing here?" He walks closer to the tub which ultimately causes you to try and back up, only resulting in your top half being exposed. You quickly cover your chest with your arms and your heart rate flies through the roof.

"Prince Jongin told me to come and check on you and to also see if you needed assistance with anything. Miss Vivian was very kind and told me where you were, although I suspect she didn't think I would be entering. And please, no need for formalities, I’m but a mere servant.” He ends his sentence as he sits on the edge of the large tub. He runs his fingers through your bath water and scoops some up in his hand, your eyes following his every movement.

“You don’t have to be so tense around me darling, I won’t hurt you. I give you my word.” As you look up at him ready to deny his claims, the water he stored in his hand cascades down your back making you gasp. He repeats the action, this time letting his hand run down the damp skin. “I thought your beauty had limits”, he gently grabs your chin with the same hand and leans in closer to your face, “but here you are proving me wrong”.

Not trusting your voice you stayed silent, mentally punishing yourself for letting him get away with this. If he hadn’t been holding onto your chin, your jaw would’ve fallen slack. Your arms were already at your sides when his gaze travels down your body and land on your chest and hard nipples. His tongue peeks out from inside his mouth to wet his lips, and it immediately sent tingles straight to your core. He looks back up at you and smirks before standing and exiting the bathroom.

On the outside of the door, his chest heaved. He suddenly felt restricted in his loose clothing. He leaned his head back against the door and ran a hand through his hair. “What in God’s name am I doing?” he thought. He was unlike his normal self, reserved and respectful. You were doing things to him, taking his control away from him. You were the puppeteer manipulating his movements. You were the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on and don't get him started on how lovely you smelled. He cursed his heightened sense, only making it harder to resist you. He knew of the intensity of your relationship with Jongin; yet he wanted to snatch the man's happiness away.

He didn’t believe you could be as perfect as Jongin described you in his many stories but seeing you today made him realize they did you no justice. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. The way you moved, the way you spoke, the way you dressed. Each and every thing about you had been perfectly molded by God himself, the only reasonable answer for such a beautiful being. He wanted you, and seeing you in your most vulnerable form in the bathtub made his pants a little tighter.

He knew what he was doing to you, how his actions had heavy consequences on your body. He wanted you enamored, wanted you within his grasp. He fell for you as soon as his eyes met yours and he knew he would do whatever it took to have you. However, he knew of the possibility of that never happening especially since he held onto a secret that only a small few had knowledge of, and that included Jongin.

You hadn’t noticed you were holding your breath until the door shut and the air filling your lungs makes you cough. This man was unpredictable, risky and for your own sake, it would be best to avoid him as much as you could. Your plan to stay grounded against any foul play went down the drain when he got close to you. You hoped everything you felt was all in your head and the consequences weren’t a heavy burden to bear.

For the rest of the evening, any thought of what happened earlier you tried to shove to the back of your mind. It was becoming hard to not think of the man the more you would occasionally pass Jongin in the halls. He still had your heart but whenever you crossed paths, your mind was never on the man in front of you. Instead you seemed to look through and around him wondering if his shadow would be following closely behind. This disappointed you as he was never to be found and you couldn’t help but wonder why. Alas, you were too nervous to ask and truthfully you had no reason to, especially when the man passing you by in the corridors would claim you as his any day now.

“I hope you sleep well Princess. I am grateful to be given the opportunity to see you again in the morning.” Jongin bows and walks past you, down the hall and into his room for the night.

You offered him a small and respectful smile and couldn't deny the warm and tingly feeling you felt when he spoke to you. You sighed deeply knowing that the next few days would be hell with both men in your home.

Midnight soon came and you went into your room to change into your pajamas. You opened the armoire, one that matched the marble pattern on your vanity. An ivory, satin nightgown would be perfect for tonight's weather and also with how warm your body felt. You flopped onto the bed and covered your face with your hands before letting them drop to the sides of your head. Today had put a lot of stress on your mind and rightfully so. Having this strange and beautiful man around had your mind doing mental olympics. "I thought your beauty had limits, but here you are proving me wrong" that line played in your mind over and over and never failed to confuse your heart more each time.

Memory of the way he touched you replayed on loop. The words to stop him were stuck on the tip of your tongue but deep down you wanted him to continue and that's what made it scary. You loved Prince Jongin and your answer to whatever question he had would always be an immediate yes, still you couldn't take your mind off of Kyungsoo. The way he licked his lips as he scanned your body, his touch making you gasp, just everything about his entire being was starting to make you feral even though you only met the man today. Your hormones were getting the best of you and you blamed it on your period possibly arriving soon. The more you thought about him the more the throb between your legs became increasingly obvious and it begged to be touched.

Jumping up and carefully locking the door, you returned to your bed to get comfortable under your blanket and remove your panties. This was so unlike you, but the thought of him sent fire through your veins and there was no other option to satisfy the agonizing thump. Starting with larger circles, they quickly turned into smaller, concentrated ones as you settled into the new feeling. You continued to rub your clit and the slick from in between your folds coated your finger. You wanted more, no, you needed more and the only way to ease your arousal was to insert a finger. The feeling was definitely foreign but it helped alleviate some of the pressure that didn't seem to go away with your earlier actions. The image of Kyungsoo licking his beautiful plump lips popped into your head once more and a small whimper slipped past your lips.

Slightly startled, you quickly sat up and looked around as if there would be an audience watching you touch yourself. You've never once worried about the sound travelling throughout the castle but even if you did it would be useless. The castle wasn't small and with the old stone walls, no sound would penetrate its forces. You settle back into your spot and finish what you started. Knowing no one would hear you, Kyungsoo's name rolled off your tongue as you moaned. You added another finger and began to thrust into yourself faster, back arching off the bed. It didn't take long before the knot building in your stomach snapped and you released your juices all over your fingers.

You lay there in awe of the new sensation, a sheen of sweat dancing across your chest and forehead. Whatever control you believed you had over yourself was snatched away from you in the last 15 minutes and it would be safe to think you'd never get it back. You reach for the handkerchief on your bedside table to clean the mess on your fingers and between your legs. The guilt washed over you when you finally laid your head on your pillow. Your loyalty knew no bounds but now you questioned if it was ever one of your qualities. The thought of Jongin finding out what you did tonight made you cover your face in embarrassment and curl your body into a ball. What if he didn't want you anymore, what if he could tell that your mind hasn't been on him since you laid eyes on Kyungsoo? What would he think of you?

Kyungsoo also had no luck with getting you off his mind. He stood with his hands gripping the sink, staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, wondering if the man on the other side was still him. It was becoming too difficult to keep his urge of releasing all the pent up feelings while he was all alone. He thought of how the droplets of water glimmered against your soft and supple skin. He imagined you moaning his name when you gasped at his touch. Every thought sent blood right to his lower organ. It was painful, the way it pressed against the fabric of his pants as if it would break through any second.

He reached down and palmed his erection through his clothes, grip on the sink getting tighter. His breath quickened as he moved his hand faster. It felt good but still wasn't enough to shake the thought of you. He pulled the zipper down along with the waistband of his briefs just enough so his dick popped free. Concentration deep within his brows as he focused stroking his length as if he was within your velvety walls. He felt it, the feeling of ecstasy building up waiting to explode. A few more pumps and he came in his hand, moans hidden behind the lip caught between his teeth. It wasn’t until his lip fell free that he noticed the drops of blood coming from it.

Another look in the mirror and he saw just how much of himself he let go. Piercing red eyes and fangs to match. This was dangerous, you were dangerous. He would never be able to keep his secret to himself with you around, but he craved you. He so badly wanted to have his dick buried deep inside you and his teeth sunk into your skin. It would be euphoric and if he didn't get it, he might just wish for death.

Breakfast the next morning was quite large given that there were extra guests but sometimes you thought it a waste since the abundance of food left over could feed a whole village. As you entered the great hall, you scanned the grand area in search of Jongin. He wasn’t here and you wanted to be courteous and wait for him before you touched your food. You spot Vivian on the other side talking to Kyungsoo and your curiosity got the best of you. Jealous wouldn’t be the right word to use but you felt the need to go over and cut their conversation short no matter how important.

You wave to Vivian as you close in on the pair and her eyes light up when she sees you, making Kyungsoo turn around. He bows and you extend a curtsy.

“Prince Jongin will be here shortly, he’s just having a slow morning so please do excuse him.” Kyungsoo looks at you as if to watch your face for any changes.

“That’s quite alright, you both must be tired from your long journey yesterday. I have no problem with waiting for him.”

He smiles softly and excuses himself, walking toward the exit.

Vivian nudges you and leans in when he's no longer in sight. "Is it just me or is something really weird about him? Or...maybe it's just because he fancies you." her voice being a mere whisper, inaudible if you hadn't been so close to her.

Your head whips in her direction, "Nonsense! He does not! But yes something is very different about him and I'm not sure how one would describe it."

"You may not think so, but I definitely do. He watches you every time you're around. He pays no mind to anything else going on around him and he looks at you like you're rations on harvest day."

You wanted to call her delusional but you knew of the interactions you had with him yesterday and you could never muster up enough courage to tell her about your conflict. As the hopeless romantic she is, the situation would excite her but she would tell you to think logically and remember how much you love and waited for Jongin. Maybe that's what you needed, someone to tell you that it was stupid to even think about someone else. Not now though, you would do everything in your power to deny the feelings budding for the new man and focus solely on your suitor.

Breakfast was served and your stomach grumbled the second the variety of aromas caressed your nose.

"Good morning Princess, I hope I did not make you wait too long. I would have rushed here sooner if I knew you were already present."

You turn to look in the direction of the voice. Jongin stands before you and you offer him your hand. He kisses it and you give his a light squeeze. "Please do not worry about such things my prince. I did not wait long but would have waited longer if you needed.

He smiled brightly hearing you call him "your prince" for the first time and admittedly it felt weird to you even though it left your mouth with ease.

After the meal, everyone returned to their rooms to await the next. You laid on your bed while indulging in your favorite book. There was a soft knock on your door.

"Please come in" you say, shifting your weight from your stomach to your elbows to gain leverage and look in the direction of the door.

To your pleasant surprise, Jongin enters with a bow. You quickly stand up from your bed and run your hands down your dress to straighten it out.

"Oh! Prince Jongin, what brings you here?"

"I was wondering if you'd like to take a walk in the garden with me? I love to take walks around noon, the sun is at its highest then."

Perfect timing. This is what you needed, some time completely alone with him so you had no other distractions. "I would love to, I will be right down."

A big smile paints his face and he releases a breath that was anxiously waiting in his chest. "Take your time, I will meet you outside when you are ready."

To say the garden was huge was an understatement but it was the perfect place to relax and unwind. Jongin offers you his arm to hold while you two take the stroll.

"Is the sun too bright? I can ask Kyungsoo to bring an umbrella if you'd li-"

You tighten your grip on his arm slightly startling him, "No no, it's perfectly fine! The rays from the sun are healthy in small amounts and it feels great on the skin." The excuse was corny but it was the best you could come up with.

He offers you a warm smile and extends his hand in front of you as a way to say "lead the way". The last thing you needed was for Kyungsoo to come and ruin this time with Jongin. If the man you had your arms locked with right now knew of the exchanges with his servant, he would probably look at you in disgust. You were going to pass this test one way or another.

Thankfully Kyungsoo was the last person on your mind the entire time. The prince lead most of the conversations but you didn't mind, his voice was just as attractive as the rest of him and seeing him laugh so freely was like a breath of fresh air.

He gave you butterflies and to think that he wanted to marry you and no one else, made you feel like you were on cloud 9. You didn't give much thought to what your husband would look or be like when you were younger, but if you did, you know he would fit the description perfectly.

"We must head back now, it will be time for lunch soon and we wouldn't want everyone looking for us. But before we go-" he pauses as he brings a hand from around his back to reveal a pink rose.

You gasp in delight and grab it, fingers brushing against his. Courageously, you stand on the tips of your toes and place a small kiss on his cheek. "I love it so much, it's beautiful! Thank you."

Although he tried to hide it, the obvious blush on his cheeks told you just how much the kiss excited him. If you wanted to keep the other one off your brain, things like this would have to be more frequent. You didn't want to come on too strongly but there was no denying how much he loved you and you had to do whatever it took to keep your feelings in order.

Now you were curious what he spoke about with your father since he still hadn't proposed. Was he rethinking his decision? The thought made you nervous and wondered if everything Kyungsoo did was simply a test and Jongin knew about it all. It would be futile to ask him now especially if it meant opening a can of worms; you definitely weren't ready for that conversation.

After lunch, Vivian dragged you to her room to interrogate you.

"How was your date with Jongin? Did you hold hands? Did you kiss him? Tell me everything!"

You chuckled at her straightforwardness. "It was amazing! He's such a lovely person, I could hear him talk all day. And...maybe I did kiss him." You had to quickly add more to your sentence before she screamed "But only on the cheek, nothing serious!"

"Oh how great it must feel to have two men longing for you at once." She clasped her hands at her chest and looked up as if she were imagining it.

Your smile dropped. "Vivian again with this? He doesn't like me, I'm just new to him."

"If you saw him today, you wouldn't be saying that." She tilted her head and looked off to the side.

Suddenly your interest was piqued. "W-what do you mean?"

"I mean, he looked like a dog who lost its master. The entire time you were out with Jongin, he walked around aimlessly like he counted down the minutes until you returned. I have seen my fair share of people in love and he's definitely one of them. He wishes he was Prince Jongin, I can see it in his eyes."

You had thought about it and on multiple occasions within the past two days. What would it be like to have Kyungsoo wanting to spend the rest of his life with you? Would you want the other instead? It felt selfish thinking about something like this when Jongin was so nice to you. It felt inconsiderate to think that the thought of Kyungsoo was the one to send you over the edge when you pleasured yourself at night.

You would talk to him tomorrow you decided. You needed to know the intent behind his actions and would politely ask him to keep the relationship platonic.

After bathing, you returned to your quarters. Tonight's attire was a white, sheer, long nightgown that was maybe a bit too sheer to even be considered clothing. You hop into bed and lay on your back, relishing the way the silk sheets felt against your skin. The feeling sent shivers down your spine and memories of your orgasm coaxed you into wanting another. You tried to compel the idea to the back of your mind, but unsuccessfully so when you remembered what Vivian said about Kyungsoo. You spending most of the day with Jongin equating to nothing in this moment. Remembering how disappointed he looked when you waited patiently for Jongin at breakfast. And his voice. It was so deep and sultry, every word laced with passion and you wondered what it’d be like to have him whisper in your ear. He was too intoxicating.

Succumbing to the growing feeling between your legs, you reach under your nightgown and start to rub your clit through the thin fabric of your panties. The initial feeling makes you squirm in place, closing your legs to add to the friction. One finger, then two gets inserted and it quickly turns into you riding the palm of your hand when you curl your fingers upwards to hit the gummy spot that shortens your breath. Whimpers turn into moans and before you know it, Kyungsoo's name is rolling off your tongue again like it's the only name you know. You speed up and right before you can reach your climax, there's a knock on your door. Quickly sitting up and adjusting your appearance, you rush over to the door to open it. You peek around the door, shielding your body as best as you can from whoever awaited on the other side.

It was him. The man whose name you were just moaning like crazy. Your face instantly turns a shade of red when you realize that he could have heard you before he knocked on the door. Angling your body further away from the door, you stare at the man a bit longer before he decides to speak up instead.

"May I come in?" He waits for your response which felt like an eternity. “You seem…busy? I promise it will be quick.” He says slightly pushing the door to allow himself in, becoming impatient with waiting for you to speak up and afraid someone would catch him.

It was the embarrassment and the way you had no strength to debate that made you back away and allow him to step past the barrier of your door. He closed it behind him and leaned against it. It was then that he took the time to realize your almost naked frame in front of him.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to attack you then and there but there were more important things at hand. You noticed how his eyes traveled down your body and you finally became conscious of your scantily clad figure, quickly covering your chest with your arms, forgetting that left your bottom half exposed under the sheer gown.

"What is it that you need Kyungsoo? Perhaps we can discuss this in the morning?"

“No! No…it can’t wait. I have to tell you how I feel now before I go insane.” You look at him confused, heart racing the more he spoke. “You’ve been driving me mad since I’ve first laid eyes on you. You’re more perfect than words can describe. I hate myself for not believing Jongin when he would come home and brag about just how pretty you were. I know you understand how I’m feeling too because even now you look at me with an indescribable want in your eyes.”

He walks closer to you and lets his hands rest atop the arms that cover your breasts. He moves them away from your body and lets his hand travel down your right arm, stopping at your wrist. He brings the hand up to his mouth and sucks on the two middle fingers. His eyes close and he lets out a low sigh.

“And with the way you moaned my name while riding these fingers, there’s no denying my existence ignites you from within.”

He looks to you expecting you to prove him wrong, to tell him he had no business confessing his feelings for you when Jongin lay his head a few rooms away, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t acknowledge that his feelings were invalid and not mutual. So when he leaned in closer, you met him halfway and allowed him to connect his lips to yours.

The kiss was needy and filled with hunger. His tongue swiped your lips asking permission and you opened your mouth giving him access to explore you. He wraps a hand around your neck, squeezing the sides lightly and drags his teeth over your bottom lip making you whimper. He begins to pepper light and gentle kisses across your law line and down to your neck where he nips and sucks on the skin. Tongue sliding across your jugular, a moan escapes your lips. He continues his abuse on your neck and brings his hands up to cup your boobs. He massages the flesh, hands dancing across the skin in search for your nipples, pinching them when he finds them. He suddenly halts his movements, cupping your chin in his hand looking at you for what felt like a millennium.

“My love if you want me to stop now, tell me. Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll stop.”

You grabbed his hand and looked at him with hooded lids, eyes filled with lust.

“I don’t wish for you to stop and I don’t wish to regret this moment.”

His lips are back on yours, this time more passionate and filled with love. He kisses his way past your neck and down to your chest. He goes to suck on your nipple through the thin fabric, massaging the other between his fingers. There was nothing you could do to hold back your moans and he loved every second. Just as you were about to lock your fingers in his hair, he stops and pulls you in the direction of the bed. He sits down on the edge and pats his lap.

"Come here." he says pulling you forward to straddle him. His hands travel up your thighs and settle on your ass, massaging it as he looks back up at you. "Would it make me selfish if I said I was jealous of Jongin even though I have you here like this?" he says pecking your lips after every couple of words. "You were on my mind all day, I couldn't contain myself. I had to come taste you, I wouldn't be satisfied any other way." He moves your hips to grind on his lap and your head falls back as you moan.

You couldn't let him take over just yet, you wanted a clear mind but with the way he had you feeling, you would bet he cast a spell on you.

"If I said you were, then I'd have to call myself something much harsher." You say through broken and choked moans.

Leaning back, he pulls you up so that you now sit on his chest. "I want you to sit on my face, I need to taste you now before I lose my mind."

Hesitant at first, you couldn't shake the thought of suffocating him. He had gained your trust in the short amount of time though and everything else has felt great so far, so you expected he had already weighed the pros and cons.

As if reading your mind, he pulls you up higher on his chest, “I’ll be okay and you'll feel good if you listen, I promise."

You hover over his face for a few more seconds before you lower yourself onto his mouth, your thighs resting on either side of his head. His licks a long stripe from your entrance to your clit and your hips buck involuntarily. A low breathy moan comes from the both of you. He wraps his hands around your upper thighs to stop you from moving. He laps away at you like a parched dog, making your toes curl. You tangle your fingers in his hair to try and regain your control only to fail miserably when he dips his tongue inside. A loud moan escapes you and you can feel him smile against your heat.

"Kyungsoo p-please, it's too much!"

Of course he doesn't stop and instead rubs circles on your clit with the pad of his thumb. At this point your brain was fuzzy, no thoughts running through it. A few more licks and sucks on your clit and you become undone, cumming all over his tongue as you scream his name. He continues to lick to let you come down from your high and then quickly flips you so that your back is against the bed, his chin glistening with your juices.

"Open your mouth, see how fucking good you taste." Not caring about your image anymore, you open your mouth to allow him to dribble the mixture of his own saliva and your essence down your throat. "Swallow."

Not giving you time to process, he dips down to kiss you, the rest of your fluids spreading over your lips. He brings his hand back to your pussy and uses his fingers to tease your folds.

"You're so wet for me baby, is this how badly you wanted me?" You nod as he brings you back into a kiss, easing one of his fingers in. You felt so good around his fingers and he could only imagine how you would feel once he finally got his dick inside. For now, he wanted to take his time and feel every inch of you. "Come here. I want to feel your mouth on me, see how good your throat feels."

You sit up on your knees and see that he's already removed most of his clothing except for his shirt. You look down and see his dick hard, tip touching his belly button. He was big, bigger than you expected but you've also never been with a man like this so there was nothing to go off of as reference. He positions himself back at the edge of your bed and you sit on your knees in front of him.

He tapped on your left cheek, "Open. Tongue out."

Following instructions, he tapped his length on your tongue, precum leaking from the tip. Everything about this felt sinful and in truth it was, but it was exhilarating and you craved the adrenaline rush. Maybe it was the way he looked at you or the way he handled you, whatever it was, it was becoming poisonous. He sat back on the palms of his hands and you took it as a sign to do whatever you wanted. You've only seen things like this in the books that the maids kept hidden in their belongings; you and Vivian sneaking to read them when no one was looking. You had no idea what you were doing but you knew you wanted to make him feel good.

You lick from the base to the head, seemingly doing something right because he hisses and bites on his bottom lip. You kitten lick and place a light kiss on the head before taking his length in your mouth as far as you can go. He hits the back of your throat, making you gag.

"Good girl. Fuuuck...just like that." he reaches down to grab a handful of your hair but not to force you back down. He so badly wanted to buck up into your mouth but didn't want to hurt you or cum too quickly.

You bob your head and hollow your cheeks, sucking as much as you can before easing your way back down. His eyes are closed and his head is back, veins straining in his neck. You brought a hand up to stroke whatever didn't fit in your mouth and the grip in your hair got tighter. Seeing him like this boosted your confidence and also made you wetter. You were testing his self control and if you kept this up he wouldn't be able to stop himself from going too far.

The muscles in his thighs were starting to tighten and he knew he was close. "I don't want to come just yet, I want to be inside of you." You let go of his dick with a pop, eyes watering and saliva trickling out the side of your mouth.

He pulls you back into his lap and into another heated kiss. Without the barrier from the clothing, the skin to skin sent your mind into a frenzy and it made you throb in anticipation. You mimic what he did to you and dragged your teeth across his bottom lip, earning a deep groan from him. He breaks the kiss and once again lets his lips travel to your neck. He trails the kisses up your jaw and bites your earlobe.

"Would you like for me to fuck you so hard you forget your own name?", his breath is warm against your ear and you were sure you made a wet spot in his lap.

"Please, I need you. I can't take this anymore." You could feel him grow harder beneath you when your begging came out more like whines. He roughly pulls back on your hair, exposing your neck to him and he doesn't miss the chance to suck harshly and almost leave hickeys behind. You moan and grind your hips on him, making him curse under his breath. "Please Kyungsoo, I need you. You make me feel so good, I want you so badly."

He stops his attacks and lifts you off his lap to throw you back onto the bed. He hovers over you staring into your eyes deeply. "Are you sure you want to continue? We don't have to."

You were past the point of questioning if you wanted him anymore and you weren't going to pass up the opportunity after getting this far. You wanted your first time to be with someone you chose and right now that was him. "My heart would never forgive me if I said no and I'm not one to not give it what it wants."

He smiles and kisses you once more, "I'll go slow my love, I'll take care of you." He eases his way inch by inch, making sure to give you time to adjust to his size; constantly watching your face for any signs of discomfort.

He was stagnant, not minding that you took your time to get comfortable. You were thankful it didn’t hurt as much as everyone made it seem but knowing the circumstances in which you were doing it, only made it feel like the punishment would be stronger.

You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. "Kyungsoo...I want to feel you now."

His pace started slow and steady, ensuring you didn't feel any pain even though you gave him the okay. When you lifted your hips to meet his thrusts, that was all it took for him to speed up. His rhythm is relentless, but you didn't want it any other way. The feeling was beyond words and if there was a way to pause time in this moment you would have done so.

"Look at me while I fuck you. Close your eyes and I'll stop" he says, holding the back of your head so you could look at him. Keeping your eyes open was easier said than done when they closed every time he thrust back in. Every moan you tried to hold back, forced its way past your lips. "Let me hear them, let me hear how I make you feel."

He tried to keep it together, but the way you were clenching around him, he wasn't going to last much longer. It all felt like a dream and it started when he walked through your door. He didn't plan on this but hearing you moan his name before he knocked and seeing the way your fingers glistened when they wrapped around the door only corrupted his thoughts.

"This pussy is mine, tell me it's mine. Tell me you want me to fuck you like this forever."

The combination of him fucking you so deeply and the way he spoke to you made your head spin and you knew your orgasm was approaching for the second time tonight.

"It’s all yours Kyungsoo! Fuck me like this forever, make me yours forever!"

You didn't think it was possible, but his thrusts felt deeper and harder. His head went down to your chest and he sucked a red spot in a place that only he’d know. The blood rushing to that area had him thirsting for more and before he let his teeth break the threshold, your walls fluttered around him violently.

You were sure you saw stars, your legs shaking. It took a few more thrusts from him before he pulled out and finished on your stomach.

Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

It was a close call at most or perhaps it was a sign that he was letting his guard down too much. You were pushing him to the edge of insanity so much so that the side of him he spent so much of his life trying to hide was easing its way to the forefront. If he wanted you to trust him, he could never let you know of the real him.

"That was the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life." It came out almost monotonously but you had no strength to put more feeling behind it.

He smiles and reaches to your bedside table for anything to clean the both of you off. In contrast to how he was a few minutes ago, he was extremely gentle as he wiped the mess you created. Watching him made your heart flutter, more than it did when you were with Jongin. Oh no, Jongin. He hadn't crossed your mind since your walk in the garden with him earlier. The guilt came flooding in and it made you feel sick to your stomach. You were supposed to be marrying Jongin, not Kyungsoo and now with what you've done, you feel like you've ruined your chances of that ever happening.

Kyungsoo notices the shift in your mood and pulls you into a hug. "What's wrong my love? What is weighing heavily on your mind?" he asks, placing a kiss to the crown of your head and small strokes to your back.

"What about Jongin? How will I ever marry him after what we've done tonight?"

He stops rubbing your back, making you look up at him. "I will not be informing him of what happened tonight. It doesn't matter who you marry, you're mine for as long as we live."

You push yourself off of him, "How would that even be possible? I cannot have these relationships coincide."

"He doesn't have to know, and he won't. I can't let you go now that I have you. I want you and I will always want you till the day I die." He cups your face in his hands. "Even if I have to wait 100 years, I will never stop loving you."

Spending this night with Kyungsoo made you unsure of what you wanted, but you definitely weren't sure if what you wanted was Jongin anymore. You wanted to marry him but thinking of being able to have Kyungsoo whenever you wanted him made your heart beat with excitement. The thought made you feel like a whore, but you never meant for any of this to happen. Kyungsoo was irresistible and thinking back on it, he was also very sweet and caring. There was no way you could marry Jongin and be with Kyungsoo, without him or anyone else in your castle finding out about it. All of it was too confusing but for now you wanted Kyungsoo as much as you wanted to marry Jongin, you just wish there was a way to make both things work.

The following day Jongin was stuck to you like velcro which you didn't hate but him being around meant that Kyungsoo was around too. You couldn't help but feel guilty and now there was no reversing it. You didn't regret your night with Kyungsoo but it only complicated things more. Every touch or glance in your direction from Jongin never went unnoticed by him, and he watched you like an animal would stalk its prey. The eye contact was another thing. Each time your eyes met his, it was like reliving your moments with him in your bedroom. You felt your face and body heat up and you prayed the blush didn't show on your cheeks.

It also didn’t help that he looked extra good today. Instead of a blouse, he wore a black vest over a white button down, a single chain accentuating the breast pocket. It fit him so nicely and complimented his wide shoulders.

Jongin sits up in his seat and leaned over the table, resting his head in his hand. "I'm going to go horseback riding, would you care to join me Princess?"

"Sure, I would love to. I haven't been riding in some time though so my skills may not be to your liking."

"Ah well, you can ride on my horse with me if that is best. I wouldn't want you to feel as though you're a burden, even though you truly wouldn't be."

You nod in agreement although you weren't really sure what you just agreed to with feeling Kyungsoo's eyes piercing the back of your skull. It drove him crazy to be this close to you and not be able to touch you. After last night he wasn't sure how he would live without you and tolerate seeing you with another man. Jongin didn't know how good he had it, he could walk around with you freely and not be judged. That's what Kyungsoo wanted, you all to himself. You were his, not the property of a prince. He reluctantly followed the both of you outside and awaited his next order.

“Kyungsoo, do you mind helping the Princess with her boots while I go get my things? I want her to be as comfortable as possible.”

He bows his head lightly and grabs the boots to put on your feet. You take a seat on the small bench between the tall, green hedges that lined most of the garden. He kneels on one knee in front of you and places your foot on top of his thigh. Jongin was barely out of eyesight when he lifts your dress high on your legs. You shoot him a shocked look when you feel him pepper kisses up your inner thigh.

“K-kyungsoo, w-what are you doing? Someone will see…” you try to push his head away before you lost yourself in the feeling. He didn’t take heed to your warning and nipped at the soft skin, letting a moan rip through you. He keeps his eyes on you the entire time. His dick can’t help but twitch watching the way you try to keep your composure and with knowing how easily you can both be caught at any second. He wastes no time to push your thighs further apart while dragging his nails down your other leg.

“P-please, not now. Not here.” was all you could manage to say while trying to stay coherent. You wanted to scold him for being so bold but every time you felt his mouth get closer and closer to your clothed heat, all thoughts of reprimanding him left your head.

You look down to see his eyes on you and seeing him so content between your legs did something to you. He hooks his fingers around the fabric of your panties and pulls them to the side to give himself better access. He licks long and achingly slow stripes through your folds. You had lost the battle of trying to keep yourself together and already had one hand tangled in his hair.

You bit down on your other fist to hush the sound of you moaning but the more he ate you out, the louder you became. As if he knew you wouldn’t be able to control your volume, he slips a finger inside and curls it upwards, hitting the spot that made you weak. At this point you were riding his mouth with the way your hips bucked up against his face. He added another finger and sped up the thrusts. He switched between sucking on your clit and fucking you with his fingers. You were so close now that you could taste it, however he suddenly halted his movements and quickly slipped on both of your boots. You open your mouth to protest but he gives you a look that kept your lips pressed together tightly. He fixed your dress and licked his lips to rid himself of any evidence that he just had his face nestled between your legs.

Jongin returns mere seconds later with a saddle nuzzled under his arm. “Are you okay Princess, you look a bit flushed? Are you feeling under the weather?”

Embarrassing was an understatement and knowing you were in a noticeably messy state, brightened the blush on your cheeks. “No no, I’m alright. Perhaps I should start wearing more sunscreen?”

Your answer seemed to satisfy him as he offered his hand to you to lead you toward the stables. You look back at Kyungsoo who bows as Jongin takes you further away.

Jongin had frequented the palace enough to have claimed one of the horses as his own. It was a beautiful black Friesian horse he named Trophy. When you entered the stable, the horse began to whinny seemingly knowing of Jongin’s presence. He offered it pats and rubs over its head and body before placing the saddle on its back. Making sure it’s secure before hopping on the horse and grabbing your hand, letting you sit in front of him so that he had complete control.

You were practically sitting in his lap with how close he was. You thought you would be behind him and find security in holding onto his waist, but the tables were turned and his arms rested on either side of you as he held onto the reins.

“Are you comfortable Princess?” he looks from around you, almost resting his head on your shoulder. It made your heart flutter and in the moment you wanted to turn your head and lock your lips with his.

“Yes, thank you. Are you comfortable as well?” You heard the smile in his voice when he agreed to your question.

“Please let me know if you need me to slow down or if you’re ready to return.” And with that he snapped the reins and the horse was off, slowly walking out of the stable.

For the remainder of the ride you couldn’t help but notice how good of a horseback rider Jongin was. Every move that he made was precise and calculated and it was like the horse was made just for him. The more the horse picked up speed the more Jongin would rut against you from the force of the gallop. The constant friction was starting to turn you on and you could only imagine what went through his mind behind you.

Although wanting to turn around and straddle him, you were having fun. Horseback riding used to be one of your favorite pastimes and now you wonder why you ever stopped. It was the adrenaline that came from the speed and the wind that blew through your hair that made you feel like you could do it all day. He made Trophy come to a halt and you took a look at your surroundings. It was an area that you’ve never seen before and you questioned whether you were still within the kingdom walls.

“Oh my, this is breathtaking! This doesn’t even feel like home.”

“But it is, it’s just very far away from the palace. I learned about this place while out on a ride and it’s been my favorite to visit ever since. I can bring you here often if you’d like?”

You nodded and he helped you off the horse. It was like a mini oasis within this small forest. The trees were all covered in fresh blooms, a waterfall flowed down into a midsized pond which held some of the clearest water you’ve ever seen.

“Do you like swimming Princess? We can take a quick dip before returning.”

You quickly nodded and a smile lit up his face. He took your hand and lead you closer to the edge of the pond. He began unbuttoning his sky blue blouse and pulled it over his head, revealing his toned abs. You knew he was fit but never knew just how sculpted his body was. Seeing him like this made your insides stir, not dismissing how you finished undressing him with your eyes. He guided you into the water slowly and never took his eyes off you. The water sloshed around you both as you moved further in, your dress already soaked from your waist down. He let go of your hand to give you more freedom and you immediately submerged yourself to drench your entire body.

When you came up, you playfully swatted some water on him causing him to chuckle and mimic the action. The splash fight continued for a few minutes before you both grew tired of clearing the dripping water from your faces. He swam closer to you and grabbed you by the waist. He looked down at you, a mixture of love and lust in his eyes. Looking at you for a few seconds more, he dipped down and placed his lips on yours. His lips were soft and he moved them in such a rhythmic manner, much more innocently than Kyungsoo. You bring your hands up to cup the back of his neck and deepen the kiss.

He pulled you into him some more and slid his tongue over yours, earning a moan from you. He kept one hand on the small of your back and the other rested on the back of your head as he kissed you hungrily. He broke the kiss, chest heaving and lips red.

“I love you” he says as if he couldn’t contain the words in his mouth. He looks at you scared as if he had made a mistake saying it to you.

“I-I love you too Jongin.” You didn’t lie when you said it back. You’ve known him for some time now and being on edge waiting for his proposal further proved just how much you cared for him. The problem now was you found yourself falling in love with Kyungsoo too which was for lack of better words, insensitive.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I can’t wait to make you my wife.”

It was like an arrow shot through your heart as he finished his sentence. Here he was pouring his heart out to you and last night you tangled bodies with his servant whom he trusts. Your conscience scolded you and you wanted to clutch your chest to stop the pain.

“We should start heading back now, the sun will set soon.” he says already adjusting the equipment on the stallion.

Thankfully you sat in front of him so he wouldn't question the tears that streamed down your cheeks. Guilt was hitting you hard, wishing you never made the mistake but not regretting your time with his right hand man.

Kyungsoo is already waiting when you and Jongin return from the stables, his face stoic but his eyes told a different story.

“Please grab the Princess a towel so she may dry herself off, we wouldn’t want her to catch a cold. I shall be inside doing the same.” Jongin walks up to you and kisses your forehead. “I had a great time today and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

You exchange smiles before he walks away and turn your attention to Kyungsoo whose face is twisted.

“You smell like him. Too much like him.”

"What? How?" You looked down, grabbing the closest piece of your dress to see what he smelled on you, yet to your senses you only smelled wet.

Ignoring your question, he picks a towel up from the glass table and pulls you in by your waist. Your hands fall onto his chest and he begins by drying your hair. “Why are you so wet? What did you do with him? You can see right through your dress!”

He wasn’t lying, your dress stuck to you like paint so nothing was left to the imagination. Your nipples poked and prodded their way through the material.

“We went swimming…”

Visibly annoyed, he rolled his eyes and continued drying the rest of you. The sky was already beginning to get darker with the sun declining, but it seemed darker than it should have. Large drops of rain started to fall from above instantly darkening spots on the concrete path. You look up and open your hands to catch a few. You really should get inside before your immune system gave up on you.

“I’m going to go inside.” You go to walk away but he grabs your wrist and pulls you back toward him, catching you again by the waist.

“I'm sorry but I can't help being jealous. If you can’t handle being with me, at least don’t make it so hard for me to stay away from you. You’re driving me crazy, I can’t live without you.”

It was confusing. How could your heart love someone you’ve only known for less than a week? And it was starting to become more so than the person you’ve known for 3 months. How were you to solve this matter when there was no logical answer; always concluding with one or the other?

"I-I don't know what to say."

"Say you love me. Love me forever."

His lips brush gently against yours, once again weakening your knees. You gently shove him away.

"I want to...but you know I can't."

"Hm, I understand. It's best you go in now, you've been out here long enough." He bows slightly and walks away from you. His heart ached, all he wanted was to be able to love you without consequence. He's never hated his life so much than he did now.

"Oh to be reborn again as something other than a peasant" he thinks. Better yet, to be reborn as Jongin would satisfy him the most. All he wanted was you, all he needed was you and knowing he couldn't have you had him torn between anger and sadness. He was becoming desperate now, willing to do any and everything to split you two apart. He hated that he was so weak for you, for being so unlike himself. Tomorrow was the last day of their stay and he was aware of the plans Jongin had with you.

A proposal. A promise of a union between two parties. "In sickness and in health; till death do us part", he would have to hear you say those words and see you seal them with a kiss. It would be torture but he wasn't blessed with royalty nor in a different body and this would be his punishment for letting things get so far with you.

It was late and you have long since been dry. Having taken too many sips from the glass of water next to you, it was best to make a quick trip to the bathroom before you got too comfortable in bed. A single candle in its holder dimly lit your way, your feet slapping against the cold marble flooring. Someone clears their throat softly next to you making you almost drop the candle.

"I'm sorry if I startled you princess." Jongin walks up to you, face illuminating in the small light. "W-would you like to spend the night with me? Tomorrow is my last day with you and I would love if I at least got the chance to share my bed with my future wife."

Admittedly taken aback by his request, you would miss him when he was gone and didn't get much time with him with your mind so preoccupied.

"Everyone is asleep so they won't notice."

You followed him after using the bathroom. You had never been in his room before, let alone any of the guest rooms so seeing how different everything looked made you feel like you already lived together.

He grabbed your hand and guided you to the bed and let you climb in.

"Goodnight my love, tomorrow will be a great day" he says kissing your cheek before turning over with his back pressed against yours.

You laid awake too many thoughts going through your mind to settle into relaxation. Based off of what he said, he was sure to propose tomorrow. It excited you, the thought of being a wife but also his wife. You've waited long enough to get to this point and backing down because of some new feelings would not get in your way. This was a test, you thought, and although you've failed most of it, you were going to make the rest count.

There was a shift in weight behind you and now Jongin no longer had his back pressed against yours. There was something hard pressed against your ass, you knowing what it was almost immediately. He snakes an arm around your waist and pulls you closer making his hard on settle in the crevice of your behind. You grabbed his hand that draped over your midsection and gave it a squeeze, letting him know he could continue.

He kissed his way down from your ear to your shoulder. He rolled you onto your back and hovered above you. The moonlight lit the room just enough so he could see your expression. It felt different, being under him versus being under Kyungsoo. It was like darkness and light, Jongin being the latter.

His hand ran down the sides of your body, taking his time to admire every inch. The gentle touches leaving lingering tingles on your skin. He moved back up to caress your face and finally leaned down to put his lips on yours. After kissing you earlier, he knew he wanted another, not being able to wait for the wedding day. Your lips were soft and he loved how your nose would brush his ever so slightly.

You were like a painting in his eyes, each brushstroke carefully placed to form your very image. But something changed in the way you looked at him since his stay. He had his doubts but seeing his close companion look at you the way he did, he knew there was something there. Not something like he had with you, something so much more mature and unadulterated.

He wasn’t going to let his fear obstruct his goal, he was going to marry the love of his life even if your heart leaned more toward Kyungsoo. He took this opportunity to pour his feelings into his actions and he hoped they would properly relay the message.

His hand reached under your night dress and brushed between your folds through the fabric. You bit your lip as he watched your changing expressions.

“Feels good?” He pressed down a bit harder and quickly swiped over your clit.

You nodded and reached down to massage his dick. It felt thick and warm in your hand and his eyes threatened to close from your ministrations. He discarded you of your undergarments and playfully teased your pussy. He wanted to see just how far he could go before you begged him for more. You reached under his pajamas and released his achingly hard dick from its restraints. He hissed as the cold air kissed the tip making him leak more precum.

He finally let a finger dip inside your cave and he quickly added another when he felt just how wet you were. His dick twitched in your hand. To think he would be able to fuck you whenever he wanted had him already making plans for babies.

You stroked him with both hands now, precum making it easier for your hands to glide over him. One hand reached down to cup his balls and gently roll them while the other fisted closer to the head. He was bucking into your hand, dick growing more sensitive by the second.

His fingers already started to speed up to get you closer to your climax as well. You were both breathing heavily and moaning, falling weak to the work you put into each other. His fingers curled up and hit your sweet spot making your back arch off the bed. Your hands sped up the more his did and your orgasms were approaching quickly.

“Fuck, I’m so close please don’t stop”, he pleaded with you adding his thumb on your clit to speed up the process.

Your words dissolved into the air above you as your vision started to close in. You writhed under his touch and chased your high.

“Oh fuck I’m gonna cum, please tell me you’re close” his fingers were thrusting sloppily but he felt your walls tighten, giving him the motivation he needed to push through.

Your stomach balled into a knot ready to snap and when he came down to suck on your collarbone, you moaned loudly as your climax spilled over. You squirted all over his already sensitive dick and he couldn’t hold back the cum that spurted out onto your chest and stomach.

You winced at the emptiness when he removed his fingers. His hair stuck to his forehead, face flushed red. He dropped down next to you, both of your chests heaving.

“Thank you for making this night special, I’m sorry if it didn’t live up to your expectations.”

You felt sad that he thought that way, not really knowing what made his self esteem so low. You look over at him excited to tell him how much you loved it but his eyes were already closed. You rolled over and pressed a kiss to his temple and rested your head on his chest, sleep coming to claim you as well.

You woke up in a daze, unable to tell how much time had passed. You had to get back to your room before morning came, not needing anyone to find you anywhere else. Jongin’s arm wrapped around your torso and his face nuzzled in your neck--you were stuck. You eased your way out of his grasp and tiptoed toward the door, looking back to make sure he didn't stir awake. You took a deep breath before twisting the knob as quietly as possible. The real mission would be getting to your room and not being spotted by anyone. The floor was cold and you wished you wore socks or at least something on your feet. You ran lightly and as quickly as possible with your arms being the only things that kept you warm.

You passed by a room and heard shuffling on the other side so you moved as fast as your feet would allow.

"What are you doing?"

You stopped in your tracks when you heard the voice. You knew who it belonged to and didn't have the confidence to face him. You slowly turned on your heels and saw Kyungsoo standing in the doorway of his room. He barely wore anything so his body was on full display.

"You frightened me, I'm just going back to my room."

He cocked an eyebrow upwards and stepped passed the threshold of the door.

"Going back?" He knew exactly what you meant but he didn't want to accept that Jongin would be ballsy enough to get you caught in the morning just because he wanted more time with you. Yet he knew he'd do the same especially since his heart was already starting to break into pieces knowing he wouldn't see you for a while after tomorrow. This was unacceptable and borderline unfair. “If you can enjoy getting wet with him, stay and get wet with me.”

Your mouth was dry and you truly had nothing to say. He had a way with his words that turned you into a puddle. You stared at him trying to think of something that would make him let you off the hook. He walked over and stared down at you. He leaned in to kiss you softly, conveying a different feeling than he usually does. His hand comes up to rest on the back of your head, tilting his to gain advantage. He pulls back and look at you.

"Don't leave me to deal with these feelings by myself. If I have to live with you being with him, then just for tonight let me be the only one you think of."

How could you say no? After tomorrow, you would have to act like your feelings for him didn't exist. As hard as that would be, unless you wanted to be executed for adultery, it was all you could do. He escorted you to his room and shut the door, being extra careful to lock it. You followed him to the edge of the bed, watching how he removed the rest of his clothing slowly, making sure your eyes never left him. Your eyes were everywhere, from his face, his chest, all the way down to his hardening length. He cupped your face and dragged his hands down to your neck, then to cup your breasts.

He slowly pulled the straps of your nightie down and left open mouthed kisses on any inch of skin that became exposed. Stopping at your nipples, he made sure to suck and massage them before continuing his journey down your body. Soon the gown reached your pelvic bones and he wasted no time in hooking a finger under the waistband of your panties to pull them down with the rest of the material. You were both now completely naked, skin basking in the candlelight. He pulled you onto the bed with him and sat against the headboard making you straddle his lap.

This time you didn't wait for him to make a move and kissed him with your hands linked behind his neck. His hands were all over you massaging circles into the flesh. Tongues wrapped around each other like a waltz, a work of team effort. Your body called for oxygen, the kiss becoming too intense but neither of you cared enough to let go. You took initiative to stop the kiss before it snatched the last breath in your lungs.

"Ride me." he pressed down on your hips as he ground up against your core.

You let out a shaky breath as you leaned forward on your knees and aligned your hole with the head of his dick. The stretch as you gradually eased your way down was magnificent and he bit his lip as he watched your face contort from the pleasure. The more you bounced on top of him the less he could control his sounds. The squelching noise that came from your bodies clashing only added to the vulgar sounds that filled the room. He ran a hand up your back and grabbed a handful of your hair. He tugged at it roughly and sucked and licked on the vulnerable skin on your neck. His other hand came around to grab your ass, digging his nails in and spreading it so your pussy opened more.

Your head was spinning, so much overstimulation, you knew you wouldn't last much longer. His strokes were getting sloppier indicating he was just as close.

"Fuck-I love you so much" he said through grunts. He knew what he wanted to do next based off of your response. If he were to get over you, he'd have to expose his true self even if that meant scaring you away.

"I love you too Kyungsoo~" your mouth hung open and you moaned his name, toes curling from your impending orgasm. You needed just a little more to push you over the edge.

He took that as a sign to carry out his plan. He let the lust consume him fully, baring his fangs, sinking them into your neck and not letting up on the animalistic pace he set. It was painful but it mixed so deliciously with how he rolled his hips into you. Your eyes rolled back and your body tensed up. It's what has your orgasm hitting you like a train, vision turning white. The feeling was incredible even though as you came down from your high, you can't tell what just happened.

Just the image of you in this moment could make him cum, but that combined with the taste of your blood was heaven sent. He had never had anything like it. So fresh, sweet and pure. He never thought living his fantasy would play out so soon but your reaction was even more surprising. He didn't count on you enjoying it and wanted to use it as an escape route, but here he was drowning in the sight of you cumming all over him which lead to his own orgasm. He sucked in a breath, abs contracting as he painted your walls white.

You looked down at him and couldn’t believe the astonishing sight. He looked beautiful, dashing red eyes and canines sharper than a knife. As the few drops of blood trickled from the side of his mouth, everything all made sense now. The strange man you've come to fall in love with these past few days was a vampire. It’s why he carried such a mysterious aura, why he smelled so ethereal, why his presence was so lethal.

He had you speechless and now he was even more scared awaiting your next words. He licked the remaining drops from his lips, eyes wide. “Please say something.” His eyes searched your face for anything but he couldn’t decipher your expression.

“Kyungsoo…you’re beautiful. I-I don’t know what else to say.”

Tears brimmed his eyes knowing you didn’t hate him for who he was. Though now, his ploy of using this to get over you fell through and he had nothing left to try. Truthfully he wasn’t going to try. He loved you deeply and if he had to live with you married to someone else, he would take whatever he could get. You were his forever, he would never allow himself to love anyone else. He hated that he fought for the top spot with Jongin but the heart wants what it wants and as you said to him before he wasn’t going to not give it what it wanted.

Lying to yourself wasn’t an option anymore. You thought you would be scared seeing him in his true form, but it added so much depth to his character that you couldn’t help but be attracted. You knew now that life without Kyungsoo would throw you into a deep depression. You needed him like your organs needed blood.

Morning came and you felt your eyes had only been closed for 5 minutes. When they finally opened you quickly processed that you weren’t where you were supposed to be. There was a loud knock on the door and you looked at Kyungsoo’s sleeping form next to you. Another knock woke him up and he quickly threw the blanket over you and told you to stay quiet and lay down. He put on whatever clothing he discarded last night and shuffled over to the door.

“Oh, sorry to wake you but I’m looking for the Princess, she’s not in her room and I wondered if you knew where she was but it looks like you haven’t left your room this morning.”

You heard Vivian’s voice from under the cover and cursed under your breath. You swore you would make it back to your room last night and ended up staying with the man you definitely shouldn’t be caught with.

“I will be out momentarily and I will help you look for her. Perhaps she is outside or in another area of the castle.” Kyungsoo made up an excuse as fast as his mind could conjure and shooed Vivian away. He returned to you after he closed the door and removed the blanket from your head. “They’re looking for you, you know what today is.”

You got up and gathered all your clothes before making your way to your bathroom unseen with Kyungsoo’s help. He left your room after kissing your forehead and going to tell Vivian that he “found you”.

What a way to start off your proposal day. You’re just glad that Jongin wasn’t the one running around the castle in search for you. Vivian came knocking on the bathroom door a few minutes later.

“Why didn’t I think to check here first?” She says tapping a finger to her lips when you opened the door. “Your father has requested you meet him downstairs in 10 minutes, so we need to hurry.”

After much preparation in so little time, you made your way down to the main hall to see both of your parents, Jongin and Kyungsoo standing there. You knew what this meant and it had your nerves jumping. After such a long wait, you were finally here at the end goal, something you thought to be so far away. Jongin and Kyungsoo bowed when you reached the bottom of the stairs, a big smile plastered over Jongin’s face.

“As you know, Prince Jongin has been coming to spend his hours with us over a long period of time in hopes that he would one day ask for your hand in marriage. Today he would like to go forward with that and make you his wife so long as you should accept.”

A lump formed in your throat as your father spoke. Tears fought to leave your eyes but you held them back as much as you could.

Jongin went and bowed slightly in front of your parents. “Your highness, if you would please allow me to take your daughter as my wife and protect her with my all as her husband.”

Your parents nodded their head, your mother also fighting the urge to cry. You quickly glance at Kyungsoo whose eyes were watching you. You both knew of what you had to do and would have to deal with it for the rest of your lives. So when Jongin stepped in front of you, you knew what came next.

“Princess…will you accept my proposal and spend the rest of your life with me as my wife?” He looks over at Kyungsoo before continuing. “You will have free reign to do whatever you please as long as you promise to never let your love fade.”

You gasped softly, no longer able to contain the tears. This whole time he knew of your feelings for Kyungsoo but wouldn’t let his feelings for you dissipate. You turned such a happy moment into something sorrowful unbeknownst to the onlookers.

“I accept your proposal Jongin and you have my word.”

Cheers erupted all around you and Jongin pulled you into a hug, him too letting tears fall onto his cheeks.

Your fate was sealed, destined to marry the man of your dreams while you got the dick wet of another. There was no turning back, especially not with the child brewing in your womb belonging to the man you snuck and spent your last night single with. You would have to face the burden of it all one day but as for now, you mentally crossed off today; the day you longed so earnestly for.

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