#my dad if I ever became religious: Have I told you about that time I met God | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

visionofhope04 · 1 year

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Hiii I was wondering if you could do Batfam x sister reader being Damian’s twin and rather than persuing the same thing as their dad and being a vigilante she becomes a famous singer (ya know famous name and good music) and she releases and album (maybe emails I can’t send idk something) and like family being there for her first sold out concert and yeah just supportive of her carrere

Angst is my thing but I’ll do my best to make this as fluffy as possible. Not beta read, sorry if there are any mistakes, feel free to let me know. Hope you like it!

—-

“Father?”

“Yes?” Bruce was concerned. You kept shifting your weight and fiddling with your fingers. He’s never seen you this nervous before. He tensed, preparing for the worst.

“Iwanttobeasinger.” You blurted, looking anywhere you could that wasn’t his face.

Bruce blinked. “Can you say that a bit slower please sweetheart?”

You took a steadying deep breath. “I want to be a singer.” You said significantly slower.

Bruce let out a deep breath and let his body sag. He’d never been religious but in that moment he thanked whatever was up there for helping him.

You looked at him, confused.

“I thought you were gonna ask to be a vigilante.”

Your face contorted in alarm. “Me? A vigilante? Never.”

He chuckled and then brought attention back to what you said. “So you want to be a singer? How do you plan on doing this?”

“Y-you don’t care?” You questioned in shock.

“Why would I care? You’re my daughter and I will always love and support you. I’m glad you found something you really enjoy and intend to make a career out of it. Finding something you enjoy doing is hard, being able to make a career out of it is harder. If it makes you happy then I’ll gladly help you with it if you need it.”

“Even though it’s a bad career?”

“Some people in it may be bad but it doesn’t make the career bad. Music is all about self expression and is a great outlet for emotions. It brings people together and makes them realize they’re not alone. I think you’ll be an amazing singer.”

You began to tear up but do your best to hold it back, “Thank you father.”

—-

“I want to be a singer.”

Immediately, everyone stopped talking and looked at you. You did your best to not shrink under the sudden attention. Usually, you never spoke at the dinner table, content to just listen.

“That sounds like a great idea Birdy!” Dick said.

“Lil sis’ gonna be the talk of the town.” Jason smirked at you.

“That’s great! I can’t wait to hear it! Tim exclaimed.

Damian’s reaction is the one you feared the most. He’d always disliked you leaving behind the life of fighting for a mundane one.

“I think that is a respectable profession.”

At your brothers’ approval, you broke out into a wide grin. Bruce was smiling openly at you all and wondered how he got so lucky to have such an amazing, supportive family.

---

You were backstage, makeup done, earpiece linked, and microphone ready to go. You were really nervous. This was going to be your first-ever live performance since you released your first album. It was such a hit, it became the number 1 album on the charts a few hours after release, with over 30 million streams. You were stuck in your thoughts when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned to look at the person, it was your father.

"Don't be nervous, you're going to do great. I'm so proud of you. You're so talented and amazing. They're going to love you out there."

"Thanks dad." You smiled. His words warmed your heart. No one ever told you they were proud of you before. Despite what he said, you still felt a little nervous.

After waiting a bit more, it was time for you to get on stage. You heard cheering in the crowd as you emerged from the darkness. Now in the spotlight, your nerves came back tenfold. The bright lights blinded you, but you could still see the silhouettes of everyone who came to see you tonight. There were way more people here than you expected. You stepped up to the mic and adjusted it.

"Hello," The crowd's cheering picked up. You smiled and waited for it to quiet down before continuing. "thank you all for coming. I appreciate every single one of you. You made it possible for me to be standing here right now and I am so grateful. Enjoy the show!" The crowd's cheering picked up yet again as your first song came on.

---

You were so tired but so, so happy. The concert was a major success and nothing went wrong. You had so much fun getting to know your audience and calling people up on stage. You got backstage and your whole family was there.

"You did amazing!!"

"You're my new favorite singer."

"She's been my favorite singer, keep up."

"Your voice is unmatched, my dear girl."

"I knew you could do it."

"You were adequate, don't let the praise get to your head."

Your face hurt from grinning, and you could help but feel elated. Your family's support meant the world to you, and you were so grateful for it.

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natjac · 7 months

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My entire life I’ve been forgotten. Being the closeted gay kid with only girl friends I didn’t get to go to the sleep overs and wasn’t invited to the parties cuz I was the quiet kid in the back. I had interests no one cared about when I talked to them or they would call me obsessed.

Adult life got easier. I made good friends but was still always felt like the plus one. Spending nights in country bars and other places where my friends met guys and I was their support cheering them on and protecting them but always alone after.

Guys treated me like shit when I would talk to them. Disrespectful, ghosting and putting me down to make themselves feel better.

Then I met you, and you did none of that. You listened to me, even with things you knew nothing about like when you saw my best friends had Pokémon types assigned to them in my phone and you went through all the types to pick yours out even though you knew nothing about Pokémon cuz of your religious parents.

Remember the map I made of all the meaningful places we had been to as a valentines present and I used all those bitmojis cuz that show you met me (you said my bitmoji on Snapchat was cute). Remember the home theatre we made at your apartment? Or when it snowed on campus and how pretty it was. Remember when we got our rescue do Brie?

Fixing my moms place after the contractors stole from her. Going to Del Rio and meeting your family. Your dad and mom both inviting me into their house to celebrate Christmas with them. Taking a secret Vegas vacation my sister and best friend payed for just so they could meet you. Remember when I would drive to Houston in summer with no ac just to have lunch with you during your internship? Remember all the amazing “alone” times we had? The things I could do that no one else could.

And so many more wonderful memories and moments.

You showed me love, affection, attention, and made me feel attractive for once in my life. You did so much good for me. You became my best friend and my boyfriend. And yea you messed up. A lot.

You cheated and I forgave you each time. I’d ask why and you wouldn’t give me anything but “i don’t know.” But those were a drop in the bucket compared to the good times. The laughs, the love.

I helped you through your mental illness, took you into the hospital and talked to your family when they thought I was just your roommate. Four times I did that. Never held it over your head but only wanted to help you. I moved from everyone I knew to be with you in North Carolina, to support and love you when you got into Duke. You said you wouldn’t get in but I knew you would. I never doubted.

At my sisters wedding you told my best friend you wanted to marry me. 5.5 years on my life all of the unfaltering love, dedication and sacrifice. All of it would have been more than worth it for a life time with you. That’s all I ever wanted.

A month later you told me you had cheated and didn’t think you could stop. You said it was something you needed to work on, on your own. With out me or anyone else. So we planned to break up. Maybe get back together after you grew. But we agreed I shouldn’t be in that pain anymore.

Then you got into a new relationship in less than 2 months. With a mutual friend that I was wary of your friendship with. And you spin the same story again. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. I don’t think the flirting and us texting till 4 am led to us getting together. You are just trying to make things fit in your narrative.” Even though you are supposed to be working on these issues on your own. That’s why we broke up right?

And after you guys got together and we were still trying to help me deal with the breakup the compassion and apologies changed to mean spirited comments and frustration. To the point of our friendship and all mutual friends with us had to be cut out. I lost all of them. Because you did wrong.

The worst part of this all though. You act like the last 5.5 years didn’t exist. You have no respect or compassion for what I did.

Because if you did I would get genuine apologies and answers for what you did. I wouldn’t have been forgotten about when you and your new boyfriend talked to our friends to make sure that they were ok with it and you hid it from me. You two apologized to them but not me. Neither of you are accepting or acknowledging that the flirting and shit led up to this. Or the lies you’ve told. Or possibly worse how you cared about others feelings but forgot about me.

And that’s my fault for believing that some measure of love you had for me would carry over. Or our friend and you to respect me and apologize for the months of flirting and pain you two caused me afterwards with the lies and backstabbing.

You will never understand what you did to me. To bring someone to such happiness and then utterly destroy them. To the point that I sit and wonder which parts of our relationship were real and which were fake.

I don’t know if I’ll ever stop caring and loving you. You became my best friend, and I lost both that and my boyfriend at once. And the loss of respect and care on your end… nothing I could have done would have prepared me for that.

Now I sit here every day, trying to move on. Trying to find a reason to keep going. With thoughts of ending my life bombarding me because if someone that I cared for and loved that much can so easily forget about me and erase me from his life like I was nothing. What am I doing here.

Anyway I’m going to therapy starting this week. I think it may help. I hope it does and I hope I find someone who will accept every good and bad part of me and will embrace them.

I don’t wish you ill will despite all of this. I want you to be happy and healthy.

But I know you will be haunted by us. Even if you act like you aren’t. Haunted by memories of what you threw away. For who you threw away. For the pain that you caused me.

And I hope I forget you. Because you have now tainted all the good times. I never thought that I would feel this way towards you. I know I never will forget you. But if there was an option to I would take it now.

Our relationship was to date my proudest accomplishment. But you are my greatest disappointment.

#boyfriends #gay #breakup #heartbroken #sorry for being depressing #trying to move on #lgtbqia+

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lesless · 10 months

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Some thoughts on marriage

Growing up I never really understood the idea of marriage. My mom had me at 16 or somewhere near that, & was only married briefly as a result of being pregnant with me & having a less than ideal home life, which she wanted to get out of. My dad has been married or engaged 5 or more times, though now he’s old enough not to lure in underaged girls or young women & is now happily married to a woman who I really like. My great grandparents, who I grew up with, were married over 50 years, & though they bickered I understood that they had committed to each other & my great grandpa took care of my great grandmother through her senility, hiding it until it was noticeable to all.

So, I have mixed views on the topic. On one hand, it seems insane to me to enter into a legal contract for a relationship especially considering I’m not religious in the traditional sense. On the other, I find it incredibly romantic & a statement of devotion.

I my early 20’s the only person I remember breaking up with me (who really just beat me to it, bc I was unhappy & didn’t want to be with him really) told me that the reason he didn’t want to be with me is that he “couldn’t imagine marrying” me, which to me felt stupid & I was fine with at the time (& still am, he was a mess). When I met someone I was infatuated with, he talked about how he was “going to marry that girl” in reference to the last girl he dated, during the first 6 months we were together, which really bothered me. They were together for a year or less as far as I can gather. He later admitted it was because her family had a lot of connections in the film industry, which made me feel a little disgusted by his intentions of marriage if I’m being honest.

Personally, I’ve driven hard lines in the ground with people I’ve dated. Either I’m with you or not, & with you means I’m in 100%. I’m not going to leave unless there’s some seriously extenuating circumstances, such as, my last partner had a serious alcohol problem & got really scary & mean before I decided it was safer for me to leave than stay with them.

Nowadays, I’m with someone I adore & I feel adores me back. We have been together 5 years in a few weeks, which will mark the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. Simultaneously, our family is mentioning marriage (& have been for years).

& im at this crossroads. I think both of us have some doubt about the whole concept of marriage, our families respectively having a long history of divorce & the mess that entails. But also, is that something I actually want? I’m not sure.

By now I did imagine myself with kids of my own, though I love my freedom & ability to do what I want. Marriage feels like the end of that freedom to a certain extent, but also feels like the agreement on a future, & security. We haven’t talked about it, truly. Sometimes I think my partner is working towards a more secure future for us before that, & every time he talks about the future he says US, which is also reassuring.

If he asked I would say yes, but as time rolls on & my experiences & friends get hitched after only a year or two, I do wonder if I’m just not the kind of person someone would want to marry, as that long buried ex said. Or, are people just stupid & rushing into things? Are people just agreeing to things based on their circumstances & ideology? The people I know who have gotten married, largely, also became very institutionally religious. Which, good for them, but that’s not where I am.

I suppose I’m curious what readers think of marriage. What are the criteria? What is the deciding factor? Do you just know?

I’ve also known people happily not married with children in 10+ year relationships. I suppose theres no universal right answer to any of this. Just something I’m pondering after some deeply itchy nightmares.

#me

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a-non-ymouswriter · 8 months

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Naturally, I am Very Interested in hearing literally anything about Remix. But aside from that, the titles of "God's Most Faithful Hater" and "My Son is the Final Boss" are very intriguing!

The later because I read that Webtoon (among many others); the former because I love Tommy angst /and/ religious themes in this fandom can be really fun. There's no telling what direction any given person will go for DSMP gods and thus no telling what new (to me) ideas they might have that I could fall completely in love with.

...And after looking up what CYMK is, I think I'm legally obligated to be curious about "Wandering The Border". Dimension hopping my beloved.

I hope that's not too many? I have so much fun with your stories, it's hard to cut it down from "all of them, please!"

i very much understand, there's a reason why i listed only those when i have a few more dusting away on my shelf lmao. BUT LET'S GET INTO THESE THREE!!

gonna cut this bc it's long

God's Most Faithful Hater - A DSMP Fantasy AU Summary -> Tommy Innit is the most devout, religious, faithful follower Ranboo has ever met. It's hard to believe at first, but everyday without fail, Tommy would pray to XD, hold the silver and green x-cross necklace (the symbol of his religion and his god's crest) whenever he got angry or anxious, and would reprimand Tubbo if he ever jokingly swore by XD or Prime's name.

Ranboo thinks it's nice that Tommy was so faithful to his god, it wasn't for him personally but hey, everyone had something they put their faith into.

Only he finds out that his initial thoughts to be very much, untrue. Well, Tommy is faithful. But he has no love for XD and his religion, no.

He has nothing but contempt and hatred for the malicious God that sunk its divinity into his very soul.

Details and Thoughts -> basically xd cursed tommy to be 'faithful' and be his unwilling follower.

i got this inspiration from Tanya the Evil, both the anime and manga. for those who don't know, it's about a man reincarnated as a little girl in fantasy imperial germany during world war 1 because he was agnostic and 'god' decides that the man needs to be faithful and believe in god. it's a cool anime, i suggest you pick it up.

but i only took 'forced to be religious' from the anime and applied it AND angst to tommy in this au. the more original side of it is that tommy is unwillingly immortal and constantly haunted and 'put to the test' by xd.

those tests are very dangerous, and the only way to get out of them? pray to xd, praise xd and such to save him, the unworthy and unwilling.

of course sometimes tommy can pass those 'tests' or other situations without praying to xd, but as time passes, tommy just ends up praying to xd. mostly after his past adopted family nearly died because he didnt pray to xd. that past family? sbi ofc but thats for later down the line.

the shot would be focused in ranboo's pov in the first part. how he and the others are friends with tommy and talking about how surprisingly religious tommy was. unknowing that tommy kept praying every day for their sake, and to stave off xd's malicious actions.

make no mistake, tho tommy prays and praises xd outwardly, he still fucking hates the damn god. and his internal prayers always, always has him damning xd. which both amuses and annoys said god, but somehow tommy's prayers are at least genuine and stuff, enough that he has to keep his word and not fuck shit up for tommy.

i'd say more but, we need to get to the others lmao.

My Son is the Final Boss - DSMP AU Wilbur-centric Summary-> None Yet

Details and Thoughts -> so this one is very unfinished and was back when techno was alive actually. around then i was reading a webtoon called My Daughter's the Final Boss or something- basically it was about a dad whose daughter, as told by title, became the final boss of a world-ending apocalypse.

it starts w the dad having to confront the daughter that he had abandoned in the past, who grew up terribly and abused and turned into an apocalyptic event boss. The Final Boss. and in that confrontation he...

turns his back on his allies and tries to protect his daughter from them. dying as a result.

but of course, the webtoon continues and the dad is time traveled back to BEFORE he sent his daughter away (he had issues and shit and was an asshole really) so he decides that he was gonna prevent every bad thing that happened to him, his daughter, prevent the death of his daughter's mother, etc etc

so yeah basically that, but with wilbur and fundy. i think i was reading a lot of fundy angst and sbi angst when i thought of it while reading.

i might revisit this shot again, but morph it bc im trying to catch up with QSMP and i love tallulah. and recently read a fic of fundy and tallulah being twins and i just love that. wilbur gets to be angsty over TWO children lol but no promises it's only an idea that hasn't even flourished

Wandering the Border - CMYK AU Dimension Hopping Summary -> Yeah this one doesn't have a summary either sorry

Details and Thoughts -> it says so on the tin; dimension hopping cmyk! EXCEPT

all four of them are dimension hopping separately and are constantly meeting each other... in the wrong order. in different spanning dimensions, and each of them hop dimensions in differing ways.

for example:

T̸̢̧̞̯̠̖̱͖̙͚͎̈́͒̅͑̇̋͐̃͒h̷͙̻̖̞̾̇̂̎̊̀̈̌̏͝ě̶͖̖͂̔͗̿̌̒͗̔̚s̷̛̫͙̤̯̬͕̺͂̐̊̓̐͒̂̕͠e̶̻̓̍̀͋͘û̶̲̾̊͒s̸͓̉͊̇̃̆͛̀͘͝͝ aka Tommy Innit- Chaos Demon currently cursed with dimension hopping because he pranked his dimension's Chaos Demoness Goddess Drista. He cannot stay in one dimension long, pain will overtake his body if he stays for more than a week, sometimes more than a few days or even hours. It's randomized whether or not he can stay or withstand the pain of staying. He is the 'youngest' and 'latest' of the friend group.

Experiment T-U88-Oasis aka Tubbo - A test tube experiment genius, actually the youngest (he's only been alive for 5 years, 3 of them dimension hopping) but technically the oldest in terms of dimension hopping? He always seems to be the one ahead of the curve, meeting others and referencing meet ups that haven't happened yet for the others. Rare instances of other others meeting a younger him that is so unlike the chaotic, hyper Tubbo that they know of. He stole an unfinished experimental device that lets him dimension hop, he keeps fiddling with it, which makes him hop dimensions- or well, it sometimes short circuits on its own and he's gone.

Lethe aka Ranboo - Initially from a superhero universe, Ranboo's powers were mostly about teleportation. Short range, sometimes long range if he could focus and had the stamina for it. He and his superhero mentor ended up busting a villain lair who was messing with powers. Something happened, Ranboo's powers got MAJORLY messed up and he ended up hopping dimensions and losing his memories. He didn't even know his name was Ranboo or his actual superhero name- Tubbo named him Lethe the first time they met, even gave him his trademarked memory journal. Ranboo's powers are unstable, each use has him forgetting all over again, but slowly, over time he doesn't forget. Slowly though.

Purpled - He's a regular teen and mercenary. He does odd jobs, REALLY odd jobs and somehow he's in every dimension all three of them have been to? Second 'eldest' to the group, he's been at this almost as long as Tubbo has. They have no idea how he's dimension hopping and Purpled refuses to answer it straight, not even Tubbo knows how he's going at it and technically he's the oldest! Purpled's the one with the most mystery, he's 'normal'. Fully human with no powers whatsoever, just pure martial skill, however from his travels that he somehow goes on, he has the most stuff. Weapons, items, etc.

so yeah, dimension hopping cmyk :) again i could go on but this has gone long enough.

maybe ask me again if you'd like to know more. or more about the other shots that are dusting away on my shelves. it was really fun talking about this stuff :DD

#non answer #non post #fanfic #fanfic ideas #man it's been so long since i've thought about these shots #like seriously these ideas were so good #i just didnt have the motivation or inspiration to do them #honestly anyone is welcome to do them #because i actually wanna read them too

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sub-at-omicsteminist · 1 year

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Why are you atheist??

I’ve been staring at this ask for a while now since it’s such an odd thing to just ask and I was trying to figure out when I’ve ever mentioned religion so I can answer in response to what they’ve seen but I don’t know when I’ve mentioned it.

I’ve never been a person of faith, I remember in year 2 (6/7 years of age) I was at a school Mass and I realised everyone else around me believed what was being said whereas I thought what was happening was just another story. I’ve always took religious teachings as stories to teach morals and guidance but I never took them literally.

I used to attended a Greek Orthodox church on Sundays and I’m christened Greek Orthodox and I didn’t mind it because the priest was a lovely person. He would say things like Science is the pursuit of understanding Gods creation and he would talk about how important education is. But the thing that stood out to me was he once said being trans isn’t a sin, it’s the journey God planned for that Individual. So when I was younger I wasn’t aware of the more homophobic and transphobic sides of religion.

It wasn’t until I started attending the Catholic secondary that I realised that some people used religion to back up ideas of hate and I became very anti Christian and stopped attending church because as a young Queer kid the bullying and being told I’m going to hell all the time really got to me.

My mum also became very unwell, she has a chronic illness amongst many other disabilities so I also thought if there is a God he doesn’t care because why would he make a child watch there mother slowly die and loose her mind and become abusive.

I loved talking to my friends about their religions though, I’ve always been fascinated with beliefs and faith because I’ve never had any. I partook in Ramadan one year to support my friend who was finding it hard and their family invited me to Iftar and I really respected how important their faith must be for them to do this because it was very difficult. Another experience I won’t forget was watching my friends mum create a Rangoli because she put so much care and attention into it and it is still one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen because of that care that went into it.

But it wasn’t until I was 17 I started recognising not all religious people are oppressive, some people use it for oppression but if you take people individually who believe in it that’s not a bad thing.

But there are still things I don’t like, for an example at my secondary we were put into religious houses and mine was house Vanier, turns out that guy was an awful person. His name is Jean Vanier if anyone wants to look him up but it’s just disgusting. Also the priest at the Catholic Church closest to where I live was found out to be preying on children, I have no idea what happened to him in the end but it was a big deal in my town. I also live near some Jehovah’s witnesses who for a month straight harassed me after pride because I assume they saw me coming home with pride face paint and stickers on and I had leaflets about sinning coming through the letter box constantly, and even now they still bang loudly on my door to preach when I’ve explained me, my mum and dad all have diagnosed ptsd and find it distressing. My RE teacher also told our class how he pressured his friend who was SA’d into keeping her baby and he was so proud of himself and it made me feel sick, he did loose his job because he told a student they’ll die and go to hell if they take the pill even though they were taking it for medical reasons.

That’s the part of religion I hate, it’s those individuals I hate. I don’t hate religion or people who practice religion but I hate the fact those things happened.

One of the kindest adults in my life was the school Chaplin, she told me she prayed everyday for my mum to get better and she prayed for me during my exams. I spent a lot of time in the chapel because it was quiet when I was having panic attacks and she used to just sit with me and talk me through them.

I’ve lost track of what I’ve written but

I’m not anti religion. Me not being a religious person isn’t anti religion. I’m anti people using religion as an excuse to be horrible to others.

I’ve just never had any sort of beliefs, in my mind everything is just a coincidence. I don’t believe in an after life, ghosts, superstitions or anything like that either. But that’s who I am and I don’t think that should offend anyone. But I also know I could be wrong and I can’t tell anyone their religion is wrong or right because I simply don’t know that.

I think I prefer the term agnostic (a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God) over atheist because it’s as simple as I don’t know but I don’t think anyone is wrong for having faith.

But also I want to add I’m a white person talking about religion and my experience, all over the world people have different experiences so it doesn’t actually matter what I say. I’m just answering an ask and if you ever want to talk to me about religion I’m always happy to.

#this is a long post so I’ve highlighted parts I think are important #but I also mention at the end I’m a white person and I’m also in the UK #my experience is very different #so it doesn’t actually matter what I say #religion #agnostic #atheist #tw sa mention #I think the last 4 paragraphs sum up everything quite fast #but idk #read if you want #but this isn’t intended to offend anyone #and always ask or message me if you want to talk about religion

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obedientlife · 16 days

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Today I’m making a special post, it’s the 13th of April and my hearts heavy atm. So much happened over the past year and my life’s been in nothing but pieces and truth be told my hearts still shattered. This day last year I woke up to one of the most devastating texts of my life, your mother texted me that you had taken your life the night prior. Even now I can’t say your name because it’s too painful, but I remember everything. Your laugh, smile, how ungodly unhinged you were sometimes, your love for everything sweet, gaming, the horrible dad jokes, I could go on but I fear I’d never stop talking and inevitably end up sobbing. You were one of my best-friends and I think of you everyday, I even sometimes think I feel your presence as crazy as that might sound. I hit an unbearable low after you left and was struggling, I had my coworkers and friends but I couldn’t talk about it and infact I blamed myself and apart of me still does. My life spiraled, I was lost and hungry for the love and understanding I’ve never had in my life. I met someone at that time who I thought would be everything, and left and completely uprooted my life and moved to another state, little did I know he would be narcissistic and heavily abusive. I truly loved him and gave him my heart and i thought he had chosen me too. I thought everything was going to get better through my own hard work and love but it didn’t, it got much worse. I was jobless, away from my friends, living with someone who I learned was incapable of love. The things he did are unforgivable, I was lost, lonely, beaten down, afraid and ready to end it. I was holding onto hope and trying to get home to my best friend and his family who loves me. I met someone special during that period of time, he became everything to me and I fell in love, him and his mom helped me get home and I could never repay that debt. We aren’t together anymore as much as I wish we were but I still love him and appreciate him more than he’ll ever know. Hes still a friend and one of the best things that ever happened to me even if he’ll never believe that and I hope he’s okay. Not everything is great but I’m learning how to live again, I’m learning that I can be happy and find that happiness within myself. I’m cutting out those toxic habits that leave me miserable and at the mercy of others, I have always been the therapist friend but I’m trying to step away from that. I love wholeheartedly and I will always be here for whoever may need it and of course I’ll help but I will start protecting my own mental peace. My friend would want me to be happy, I’m not religious but I do hope he’s somewhere looking down on me and sending his love. I hope he can see all the progress I’m making and is so proud of me in the way I’m trying to be of myself. So here me when I say it’s okay to reach out for help, it’s okay to say I can’t do this alone, it’s okay to be struggling but don’t give up. Don’t let anyone let alone yourself to stomp out your light, life is worth living. There are people who love you, please open up and learn to rely on them sometimes. Know that you can still be there for others and protect your own mental peace in the process, and if you are actively planning or thinking about it get help. The world may keep spinning but I promise you for the people who love you and you leave behind it doesn’t.

Living for yourself is hard sometimes but live for your friends and loved ones until you can for yourself. You aren’t broken, you aren’t a bad person, you are worthy, deserving of love and kindness both from the people in your life and yourself. You really are never alone I promise you there’s always someone who cares even if you don’t know it yet, your presence and life matters more than you could ever imagine regardless of how you feel or what your head is telling you. Today I’m taking a deep breath, I’ve showered, done laundry, made my bed, and am currently making food because I know it’s what he would want but it’s also what I am starting to want. Remember to be kind to yourself and nurture your heart because it’s the only one you have ❤

I love you and your doing amazing, one step at a time darlings ❤️

#healing #self love #suicide awareness #mentalhealthmatters

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no-devolucion · 1 month

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Gina.

When a loved one dies, it's so common to hear of how kind, selfless and brilliant they are. It's so easy to say, despite it not always being true. But with Gina, all of that— and more— is true. She did light up every room she walked into with her infectious laugh and big smile. She did put everybody else before herself, she did have room in her heart for everybody she met. As I watched Gina's mum, brothers and dad talk about her today, I realised we all got the same version of her; whether the interaction was brief or lifelong.

I met Gina when I switched schools at 13, and I can honestly, wholeheartedly say that my first impression of her was that she was a good person. She didn't judge, she was genuinely interested in what everybody had to say, she didn't bicker or bitch. Because Gina loved everybody and we all loved her too. And we still do— my friends from school and I have banded together, some of us talking again for the first time in years, because we love our friend.

When I found out Gina died, I was sitting on a bench, on my lunch break at work. It was sunny, and I remember that because I cowered away from both the sun and any prying eyes. When I got the initial message, it didn't even sink in that it was her my friend was talking about. I wracked my brain for every older person I knew, wondering who the fuck was dead and why I was being told with such urgency and panic. When it finally hit me that we were talking about Gina, I screamed, in public, and hyperventilated. I didn't go back into work that day, instead wandering around falling in and out of very public and very visible panic attacks, too scared to get on a bus and go home, a lot like the person I was when I met her. Most of that day is a blur to me now.

Today, I went back to that same bench to watch a livestream of the funeral. It was raining, which typically would have been fitting had Gina not been the embodiment of sunshine. I wore a yellow and purple bracelet, the colours of the funeral dress code, with her initial on. I listened to monologues from family and a version of Hallelujah sung by mutual school friends. For the most part, I couldn't watch, often finding myself staring at nothing, trying to make sense of why a 25 year old should be dead. It doesn't make sense and I don't think it ever will. Let me be clear: this was a tragedy.

Gina, I have always hugely credited you in how I became the person I am today. Ever evolving, but I'd like to think morally sound. I had such a big problem with God and religion among other things when we first crossed paths. I was so angry. I thought every religious person was a bad person. But you were the embodiment of good and your faith knew no bounds. Not only did you never judge, but you embraced me. Through you, I learned that stark differences can, and should co-exist. I learned that there is joy to be found in small, mundane things. I learned that a creative path should always, always be followed, as should worldly aventures. I learned that we are all the same.

It's hard to think of a way to end this because how the fuck do you say goodbye to your friends in your twenties? I don't know where you are, I don't know what's true and what isn't. I have no faith to comfort me, so I will directly quote your family on this: Rest in everlasting peace.

You were too good not to last forever.

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mzminola · 3 years

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Community

Straight and cisgender people being part of the broader queer community is good in a variety of ways, and the example from my own life is growing up queer in a small town with parents who were supportive before either they or I knew I was queer.

My mom and dad grew up in Berkeley CA and were involved through their youths in a variety of extremely nerdy things like the Society of Creative Anachronism, Dungeons & Dragons (and a Star Trek inspired sci-fi variation), theater, etc. Within those groups, and other parts of their lives, they had a lot of queer friends.

They moved around a lot as adults, and this was the pre-internet era so staying in touch was harder, and even when they stayed in touch they didn’t necessarily see people in person much. I wound up growing up in a small liberal town in western WA. Statistically, due to the small population, I just did not know any out queer adults in my hometown when I was growing up. There was no GSA at the school, either.

But for years I had stories of queer adults, long before I ever knew I needed them. I never once worried my parents wouldn’t accept my bisexuality, because I was so very used to my parents talking about queer friends of theirs who were giant nerds, with the exact same fondness and nostalgia as all their other friends. Stories of queer-specific shenanigans were told alongside all the other shenanigans.

We had semaphore flags in the costume playtime box because Dad’s a nautical history nerd, and we had big motorcycle goggles designed to fit over chunky glasses because Mom used to catch rides around the Bay Area with lesbian biker friends. That blend and casualness was just a normal part of my childhood.

I learned from stories of my parents’ friends that you could take stereotypes and turn them into in-jokes; gay friends playing backyard baseball or catch or other sports totally flubbing a throw, and heckling each other with “What’s the matter honey, your wrists too limp?”

I learned about the AIDS epidemic, of the loss, the grief, the stigma, and of the ways people fought back. Supported each other. I learned a lot more when I was older from queer adult survivors of the epidemic online, but I learned first from my parents, who were still grieving friends they lost.

This was not distant history, this was not something that happened to “other people” this was something that happened to their community.

My father’s mother’s brother is gay. My great uncle. He raises tropical birds. When he was a much younger man than he is now, the signaling style of wearing a diamond earring in one ear was starting. Now, at the time, most men to wear a diamond earring as a signal of their sexuality wore very small, discreet flecks. Just this little flash of light that might catch your eye, that might make you look again.

Great Uncle inherited his mother’s engagement ring, took that honking big “look at me and admire how I got engaged! Look at me, look at me!” diamond to the jeweler, and got that sucker turned into an earring. You could not fucking miss it.

And you know what? That’s how I learned about queer signaling as a thing people could do, it was presented as a fun family story, and I wouldn’t have heard it if not for my parents, because Great Uncle lives in a completely different part of the country from us and doesn’t travel much, so I’ve only met him twice, during which everyone was catching up on current life, not stories of his youth.

When my mom, dad, and their friends were all young adults who’d recently left home and were living in a different state from their families, one of their friends was a butch gay man who’d recently come out to his parents. And his mom wanted to be supportive, and she was a person who sewed clothes herself. So she made him shirts. She had his measurements, and she’d regularly mail him care packages with beautifully hand-made button up shirts in pink and purple fabrics. Because those were the gay colors at the time, and she wanted to make sure he knew she supported everything about him, that she would never want him to change himself to fit in society’s mold.

Now the thing was, pink and purple were not actually to his taste. They were not colors he’d normally pick out for himself. But he and his parents didn't live in the same state anymore, this was pre-Internet, if you wanted to share photos you had to take them, develop the film, and mail them. So she wasn’t seeing his style regularly, she was seeing the style of the out gay men back in the Bay Area, and doing her best.

He wore the shirts. He was running around the Oregon countryside as a butch gay man in the early 1980’s in pink and purple button ups, because his mom made them for him with love, he loved her too.

So I heard this story growing up, and I learned from it. I learned parents could love and wholly support their queer children long before I ever heard about parents who rejected theirs. I learned love is in the actions we take. That it’s going to be imperfect, but what matters is we’re trying our best, and accepting that from each other.

I’m bisexual, and I’ve got some weird gender stuff going on. I did not know any out queer adults in my hometown growing up. I did not find any writings until the early 2000’s when the Internet became more accessible. My school did not have a GSA.

But I knew I wasn’t alone. I knew pieces of west coast queer culture and history. I knew queer people could be giant nerds, could be outdoorsy, could be silly and serious and fully rounded people with rich, wonderful lives. That their friends and family could accept them wholly without hesitation. Because what was there to hesitate over?

I’ve said before my hometown is liberal, and it is, but it still had enough prejudice to keep me semi-closeted as a teen. I had peers insist to me that “a child needs a mother and a father”, had adults insist civil unions were fine but marriage equality would violate religious freedoms, heard peers use “gay” as an insult from late elementary school onwards (and the teachers just ignoring it).

I needed all those stories from my childhood. I needed them. And I had them. Without ever having to ask.

And my brother had them too. He’s straight and cisgender, and he has never been anything but 100% supportive of me. He was arguing for equal rights and refusing to use the derogatory language peers were before I ever came out to him.

When I see people trying to gatekeep the queer community, this is what I think of. I think of being a kid in a small town, without knowing any local out queer adults, hearing people around me say bigoted things, but having all these stories burning in the hearth of my heart, and I think…

You want to douse that flame?

You want to reach back in time and wrench those stories from the child I was?

You’d rather I grow up isolated, confused, lonely, and scared, than have my straight, cisgender parents in the queer community? You want me to be isolated now, you want my brother to abandon me?

Really?

Identity and community are intertwined, but they are not rigid, nor should they be.

Community being broader is good.

#long post #queer tag #queer community #AIDS mention #fuck gatekeeping #Min and their entire family are all giant nerds #my dad's family just does NOT do subtle #this essay has been in the works for a while now #Min writes stuff #edited to change the last sentence from #community being the broader of the two is good #to just #community being broader is good

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gay-dorito-dust · 2 years

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Hi hi! How are you doing? 💕 If possible, could you please write headcanons for Trevor Belmont as an adoptive father? Like, maybe he found teenage reader on one of his travels and thought: my child

Idk why the moment I saw him I immediately thought he could be a good dad 🤣 Have a good day/night lovely! ✨

A/n: I’m doing alright, a little bit in a writing slump but I’m alright overall.

Now Trevor wasn’t the most qualified to be taking care of another human being never less himself, which was a story for another time.

I feel like the moment he met you was when you stole his stuff in search of food or some money to buy food with which less to an chase through the market square before finishing in a dead end within an alleyway. When Trevor asked where your parents where you told him that they died the day Dracula released the monsters seeing as they were amongst the religious nutters who watched on, celebrating as an innocent woman burned under false pretences.

So you weren’t all that sad that they died because they muttered the most heinous words under their breath behind closed doors whilst claiming their ‘god’ loved all his creations. You called Bullshit. Trevor saw himself in you. From your stance, your attitude towards everything, to the thickening of your skin against any and all scrutiny you’d face in this life whilst also protecting yourself from monsters.

To Trevor you were so young to be put in a situation such as the one you were in now. He couldn’t just leave you here, you still had his stuff for starters clutched within your grasp but also because he felt this immense guilt that would come if he were to leave you to your own reckless and Indecisive devices. So he just groans before walking away from the alleyway only to notice that you weren’t following him like a lost puppy that he stopped walking, looking at you over his shoulder and motioning with his head towards town centre in a silent gesture as to follow. He pretends not to notice the silent cheer you did behind his back but he couldn’t ignore the urge to smile that stretched across his face.

Now he has something to protect, something to come back ‘home’ to that he decided the best course of action was to become more vigilant during his hunts whilst spending most of his time training you as you wouldn’t stop bugging him about them. He wanted you to keep save and equipped to deal with physical confrontations yet would outright deny you joining him, sypha and Alucard on hunts because he doesn’t want you to become gravely hurt whether by a miscalculated action his his behalf or otherwise. He preferred to keep you and his job desperate but knew that it was wishful thinking because of your growing desire to help give aid to those in need that he would sometimes give you shit about it albeit playfully; to which you’d scoff at before chatting shit about him in exchange which becomes a thing you share much to the confusion to everyone else.

You call him old man (endearingly)

He called you little shit (endearingly)

Speaking of Sypha and Alucard. Trevor would try to sick you on one or both of them so that you would be safe and or learn new things so that you wouldn’t be caught slacking in departments you weren’t familiar with that sooner or later they became apart of your little family.

Alucard would take this opportunity to tell you of all the stupid shit Trevor has ever done prior to meeting you in favour of just showing him up but also to give you something good to cling onto when things got dark. Sypha would defiantly teach you all she could in her craft and would be the person you could go to whenever you had issues or just needed to rant. They were your home away from from when Trevor wasn’t nearby.

You grew accustomed to helping patch Trevor up whenever he came back a little worst for wear from his hunts. That on the more nastiest days you’d find yourself struggling to keep your composure because you had lead yourself to believe that you weren’t going to loose anyone else but the tears in your eyes made it harder to see what was a wound and what wasn’t that Trevor had to stop you for a brief moment in order to calm your down. He doesn’t sugar coat shit and tells you upfront so that you wouldn’t go out of your way and placing yourself in danger just to find the truth. He wasn’t going to allow you to be reckless as he is but that doesn’t mean you don’t have your ‘we share one braincell’ moments.

#castlevania imagine #castlevania imagines #castlevania fic #castlevania fanfiction #trevor belmont imagine #trevor belmont imagines #Trevor Belmont fanfiction #Trevor Belmont fanfic

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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 3 years

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(TW: Religion)

My dear lgbt+ kids,

A question I got on this blog multiple times is how I align my religion with my identity as a lgbt+ person.

I always felt like I’m not the best one to answer that as I had it pretty easy compared to a lot of other religious lgbt+ people I know. I never had that experience of going to church and hearing the preacher talk about gay people going to hell.

In fact, one of the preachers I grew up with was gay himself. He said he lost his wife at an early age and after that traumatic experience he became gay, God understands that and forgives him. It’s not exactly what I believe nowadays (I don’t believe that God needs to “forgive” him for that and instead that it was Gods plan for him all along, he was meant to love his wife back then and he is meant to love his husband now). But regardless, I grew up with the message that God can forgive you for being gay.

It probably also helped that we weren’t biblical Christians. I was always taught to think about the bible as something humans wrote - inspired by God, sure, but ultimately the result of human hands and therefore flawed. The hateful parts of the bible are just the stuff humans added, it has nothing to do with God.

This made it pretty easy for little me to align belief in God and belief in my own romantic feelings - why would a loving, forgiving God hate me for loving girls and boys?

Of course as I got older, I got exposed to different people and beliefs, and realized that our definition of Christianity wasn’t universal. I heard and read some things that did shake me and made me worry - but overall, my experience was much tamer than those of many lgbt+kids in biblical Christian households. I always had a strong trust in Gods love to fall back on... and always had positive experiences when God spoke to me personally.

This is also not something everyone will agree with but it’s a big part of my faith: I have heard God speak to me muliple times in my life, sometimes in words, sometimes in signs. It has always been a very comforting experience that made me feel so loved and protected and happy in a way that is really hard to compare to anything else.

One vivid memory of this is me sitting in the bathtub and crying. This was long before I came out as trans, I hadn’t even fully come out to myself yet and I think I didn’t know the word “body dsyphoria” back then but well, it was a bad dsyphoria day. I sat there and cried over my naked body and just hated myself. I started praying and told God that I am so sorry for hating my body and I know He made me a girl but sometimes I wish I could be a boy instead and I am so sorry for disrespecting Him like that.

While I heard about God forgiving gay people, I never heard about Him forgiving trans people. The existence of trans people was never talked much about at all but if they were brought up, I always heard about disrespect towards God. Destroying His creation, offending Him by implying He made a mistake, all that stuff. I don’t think anyone ever said that to my face or that they said it on purpose to scare me away from exploring my identity but anyway, it did scare me away from it.

And so I sat in the bathtub and bawled my eyes out - and heard a little laugh inside of my head and His voice saying “If only you knew how little I care about that”. This may not sound all that sweet in text but in that moment, it lifted all my worries off me. I actually started laughing, too. God doesn’t care about all that silly “destroying His creation” stuff at all! He doesn’t think about it as disrespect, He laughs at that thought because it’s not how He feels about trans people at all.

So, how did I align my religion and my identity? Maybe I was just lucky. I was lucky enough to go to a pretty gay-friendly church as a kid, lucky enough to have parents that taught me that God loves and forgives. But most of all, I think I got lucky to actually experience godly love, to have this strong connection to God from childhood on. Maybe if I didn’t know our gay preacher or if I had been told that the homophobic parts of the bible are true, I wouldn’t have been “open” to receive that eye-opening (and quite frankly, life-saving!) message in the bathtub.

I can’t wite a “How to” guide on it because your experience growing up as a religious lgbt+ kid may have been totally different. Your beliefs may not even match up with mine. And yet, I hope this may give you a little hope <3

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

#lgbt #lgbt+

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writingwithcolor · 3 years

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Biracial (B/W), Trans, and Cultural Disconnect

I’m a biracial college grad who grew up in a very white, rural area in the northeast US and within the last four years made the realization I’m trans ( or masculine-aligned agender but that’s for another time ). My mother is black and my father is white.

Beauty Standards

Beauty standards haven’t really been something I’ve paid attention to growing up, mostly because dresses and skirts always made be uncomfortable and I didn’t like the weight of makeup on my face. I am very stubborn and so I stuck to not wearing them as much as possible, even getting into arguments with my mother about wearing a dress to a funeral when I had nice dress pants and a blouse to wear instead.

My mother did have a bit of an obsession with my hair growing up; she loved my curls to the point that if I mentioned cutting them she adamantly said no. My hair isn’t the usual tight black coils but rather “banana curls” as my mother described. It was only in my senior year of high school that, out of the blue, she told me if I wanted to cut my hair I could.

Culture / Family Life / Identity Issues

This is the biggest struggle I find I deal with and sort of ties in with like four topics, so this section will be long. I don’t have any attachment to a culture, not even the African-American culture developed in the US. I grew up in a very, very white area and until 5th grade, went to a private religious school where as far as I can remember, I was the only PoC in the whole (under 100) student body.

Both of my parents have no siblings and due to some things, I only actually met my dad’s extended family three or so years ago when we went for a visit aside from phone conversations I had with his father when he was alive. My mother’s parents were gone before I was 5 and she didn’t really have any extended family aside from a couple of cousins up in New York who I saw every so often when I was really young. I had an “aunt” who my mother knew for many years along with her son whom I consider an uncle, but that’s about all the extended family I have. My (half) brother is 13 years older than I, so by the time I was 7 he was out of the house and visiting only a few times a year. So even despite not being an only child, I was raised like one.

Even in the public school I went to, there weren’t a lot of BIPOC and the few that showed up in high school in my small grade and I didn’t really talk. My university had a majority white student body and I found I couldn’t quite relate with the BIPOC community, mostly because it felt like you had to choose between the BIPOC community or the LGBTQIA+ community and most of my classmates, because of my major, and friends were part of the latter.

When I studied abroad, I became good friends with a BIPOC queer group, especially with a black individual from NC. But sometimes they would make references to me and such that I wouldn’t understand and at one point this individual said “How do you not get that, you’re black!” I had to pull them aside and explain my environment growing up and thankfully, they understood immediately and apologized. But it was alienating, and exacerbated the feelings I have of “I don’t belong anywhere”.

I’m not light skinned enough to pass as white, but I don’t have the experiences of growing up in a black community to connect with other black folk. I just feel like I stand alone in that respect.

Micro-aggressions

I don’t know if this counts as a micro-aggression, but the thing that comes to mind immediately happened when I was 14. I had an online friend and we had been voice-chatting for awhile. One night I turned on my camera and the first thing out of their mouth was “You’re black? You don’t sound black!“

I don’t speak/use AAVE because I didn’t grow up around people who did, and don’t have any sort of understanding about it, etc. This also adds into the whole identity crisis thing.

Misconceptions

I am frequently assumed to be Hispanic and, on one occasion, Indian. I’ve had people ask me if I’m Mexican outright. At one point I worked in a nursing home and the dementia unit had a lot of nurses who spoke Spanish due to some of the residents forgetting English. One of these nurses spoke to me in Spanish. I gave him a blank look and he sorta paused and went “You don’t speak Spanish?” I was also on a train once and an older Indian gentleman was standing near me? Or took the seat next to me and I believed he asked me if I was Indian outright.

I don’t have enough Workplace experience to make it it’s own category, but I once worked in a Dunkin Donuts with a primarily Indian and Haitian staff and I had these older POC women repeatedly asking me “Where are you from?” when I started. I told them “oh, the western part of the state” and they did the “but where are you from.“ I don’t know, I’m sorry.

Also as a kid my dad picked me up from school and this one girl asked me if I was adopted lmao. Nobody ever thinks biracial.

Self-esteem

I have pretty low self-esteem. While I don’t necessarily think I’m ugly, my struggle with my identity both gender and racially make it hard to be confident and outgoing, at least with strangers. I dunno, existing is hard sometimes.

Things I’d like to see more of

More mixed kids in stories and media as main characters or main supporting characters

More interracial relationships of all kinds, not just black & white.

I don’t know if it’s right to ask for this, but also.. more small families.

More people whose families are like mine: just myself, my parents and my brother, with an occasional family friend showing up for holidays. All these stories with plenty of cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents always make me feel alone and like I missed out on a lot.

View more POC Profiles | Submit your own

#POC Profiles #Black #Mixed Race #Transgender #agender #hair #black hair #culture #identity issues #microaggressions #culture disconnect #LGBTQIA #submission #Anonymous submission

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songofwizardry · 3 years

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In honour of this week’s Critical Role episode, here are some Beau Moments, mostly about Thoreau and institutions and abuse of power, that have stuck with me really hard. Mostly because I wanted to go back through and compile these moments, because I just really fucking love Beau.

C2E004 2:15:39

Dairon: “Your dislike for authority is not a bad thing. It can keep you alive. Authority should always be questioned. Those with more power than you should be held to a higher standard.”

[Training montage]

Beau: “Why are you doing this? Why me?”

Dairon: “Because a long time ago, I was a wayward girl with no direction, was angry, and fighting at the world. And someone did this for me.”

Beau: “I don't really believe in systems or being a part of them, let alone a system that takes down other systems. Seems almost hypocritical.”

Dairon: “Perhaps. Who knows. Maybe one day you'll find the corruption inside our own.”

C2E024 1:14:31

Beau: “I don't know, I just grew to hate the town that I was in and the system that my father was a part of and so everything--”

Nott: “Is he a bad person?”

Beau: “He wasn't a bad person. I think he just had bad direction. I don't know, he could've been a good dad. He was a shitty dad and a good businessman.”

[...]

Nott: “Wait, this was not by choice? You were abducted by monks?! ... Are you okay?”

Beau: “Sure. Great.”

Nott: “Was it hard?”

Beau: “Yeah. I mean, there were elements that were hard, but everyone has had hardships, right? What's it matter? Besides, he sent me off to the monks. I think he was hoping that they were going to beat my indiscretions out of me. Instead, I think all of the things that my father saw in me that he hated, the monks saw as a potential advantage. So, in a weird way, I think it might've been the nicest thing he ever did for me. ... I mean, I still never really want to see him again, and I don't think he wants to see me again, either. In fact, he told that he didn't want to see me again. So it's good. Yeah.”

C2E092 1:35:50

Beau: “I feel like I've found my family with The Mighty Nein. I don't like looking at my past, because it doesn't have The Mighty Nein in it, and I think I put off the inevitable, because I'm going to-- I'm afraid it's going to be like my past.”

Fjord: “I don't think one contaminates the other. You've got good, solid footing here. I mean, shit, if we want to run, we run. If we want to kick his ass, we'll kick his ass.”

Beau: “Yeah... I kind of want to kick his ass, and I don't want to run.”

Fjord: “Could I ask you, in your wildest dreams, and feel free to say you don't want to tell me, what would you have happen when we go there?”

Beau: “I think I've worked so hard because I scripted this day, in my inevitable future that I would go back to him, successful woman, respectable member of society, Cobalt Soul, an Expositor, the thing he threw me away to, and I embraced. And then, I would get mad at myself, because I felt like I was doing exactly what he was doing to me my entire life, scripting me to be something else. And I'm still doing it. I haven't seen him in three years, and I'm still trying to be... something. And I think what's scary is that I like this, and what I've found, and I don't think it was until Nott started talking about having to go home and go away that it truly started terrifying me. Because for the first time, I'm happy. And what if that goes away?”

C2E092 3:41:30

Thoreau: “Look, I know you-- I know we've had our differences. And I've not-- I've not been the pinnacle of a father, in the same way that you've not been a pinnacle of a daughter. I accept my responsibilities in the things that I've, maybe been a bit harsh on. But look what you've become.”

Beau: “It feels like a weird justification of your behaviours, but I'd like to hope that what I became had nothing to fucking do with you, but maybe I'd be lying to myself.”

Beau: “Yeah, I was difficult... but I thought a Dad was supposed to stay by their kid when they're having a fucking hard time.”

C2E125 02:54:15

Yudala Fon: “First, let me say, thank you for being honest about your experience with the Expositor, and aiding us in finding this link and exposing a very serious seed of corruption within our very... sorry... group. Let me please extend my sincerest apologies.”

Beau: “Um... thank you. Sorry, I’m really taken aback by all of this. ... It’s odd, looking at one of the most traumatic moments of my life and on another side, feeling a sense of thanks and gratitude that it happened. Because it did set me on this path.”

...

Yudala: “We would like to think that you would have found your way here regardless. And it should always have been your choice. And I know we cannot make that up to you, but I want to extend my – our – deepest apologies.

Beau: “Um. Thank you. Thank you for taking these matters so seriously. Didn’t expect it. I guess you get... used to cruelty being handed down as the norm.”

...

Yudala: “We are not a body of government, we are not a religious group, we are a people who want to protect people who cannot protect themselves from abuses of power. And you’ve been abused by someone in power. We will see that they are properly punished.”

[A little later]

Caleb: “Are you... all right?”

Beau: “Do you know that feeling where... you didn’t realise something was wrong until someone told you, and you just lived with it this whole time, and... I’m relieved, but I’m also, kind of reckoning with it at the same time? I don’t know. Yeah, I’m good. I’m okay.”

Bonus: C2E110 03:35:31

Beau: “I... am so fucking tired of manipulative assholes... I don't know why so many people have gone through such great lengths to try and convince us all that they're responsible for our success. ... If I hear one more person try and claim that pain is the only way to make a resilient person—what a shitty excuse.”

#god all the Beau meta I want to write #all the things I want to say #I love her and this storyline so much #I am so glad that we are being given this theme and this storyline #and Yudala explicitly saying 'what happened to you was not ok'#especially after how... gaslighty Thoreau was #I just love her #beauregard lionett #critical role #cr spoilers #c2e125

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trailshome · 2 years

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hi clam!! how about [ 😇 ], [ 🎵 ] and [ ❌ ] for th3 ros?? also can you tell the ros i love them. they are just So. loveable and huggable hrngg i love them so much ... sigh anyway fun fact: one of my earliest memories is of me throwing snow at my dad’s car lol!! i also remember eating snow, but i don’t remember the taste!

— spice [also my brother (the one who let me keep his ring safe for him) let me keep it!! apparently he can’t wear it on base?? but he told me i could keep it as long as i make sure not to lose it haha!! also i’ve been making MORE ocs. it’s driving me wild bc whenever i make a new oc i feel compelled to make a playlist and a pretty pinterest board and a cool back story and that doesn’t go well when you make several new ones at the same time because i end up working on all of them simultaneously which makes everything kinda. messy and Not How I Wanted It To Be, you know? anyway how are you today clam? i hope the day’s been good to you!! <33 remember to take care of urself alr?? we love you!! 💕]

//Mwah, platonic forehead kisses for you, Spice!! I'm doing well, drained from seeing family the other day but thriving off of left over dinner!! You know, I only ate snow once and it was because a friend convinced me -- never did it again. Snow is yucky and I didn't like the texture of it, haha!! That's super cool that your brother let you keep his ring!!

[ ❌ ] is there something your muse struggles with that they might never overcome? what is it? why do they have so much trouble with it?

Finlay: haha, their religious trauma -- I don't think they'll ever overcome it but it might become more bearable to live with and/or for them to understand. I suppose they struggle with it because so much of their identity is based around the church and their work commissioned by said church.

Lesilfae: I don't know... He probably has something he's struggling with but I can't think of anything aside from the obvious ''has feelings for his best friend but his best friend is oblivious and in a relationship with his 'enemy'' thing. Sorry for the cop-out answer! :/

Galeon: Him? Struggling? I would never let him struggle! but he does have some strong beef with how the church (and by proxy the court because they're kinda just letting this happen) is monopolizing Healers making his 'business' illegal and forcing people who can't afford 'proper' healers to suffer.

Hollond: Mytessa. They messed them up the most imo and I don't think they'll ever get over things said and done between them. Struggles with it more so because they've acknowledged that parent's aren't meant to be like Mytessa and Aostran but they don't know how to go about fixing/removing that.

Greta: No struggles, just vibes tbh.

???: Religious trauma 2.0 with a side of hates the matriarchy -- can't go any further in depth to it for now but it's not going well for her...

[ 🎵 ] is there a specific song or songs you associate with your muse? why is that?

Finlay: either Churchyard by Aurora or Our Will Be Done by Larry and his Flask. Don't know why, honestly added aurora because I have a stupidly huge crush on her...

Lesilfae: Two Birds or The Call by Regina Spektor (hello flashbacks to 2017) Why? I wanna see if yall can guess why, might be hard tho :D

Galeon: Obstacles by Syd Matters (growing up with Les) or Brother by Kodaline (the music video makes me cry hella tears)

Hollond: Cellophane by FKA Twigs and If I Had a Heart by Fever Ray -- First song for Holly's feelings towards Galeon and second song for feelings in general.

Greta: Buttercup by Jack Stauber, covered by Sophie Wood and Julian or Lady (Hear Me Tonight) by Modjo -- these both give me Greta vibes, I feel like she'd listen to these on repeat.

???: Brutus by The Buttress or Sister of Charity by The 69 Eyes for the vibes. Brutus is a bit... spoilery imo and is pretty 'on the nose' so... haha!!

[ 😇 ] what would your muse do if they became a god?

Finlay: Hard to say, I think they'd be a distant but ultimately benevolent god who'd occasionally offer a hand to those that need it. Would be a miracle granted imo

Lesilfae: A greedy god who's intent is never known. Probably caused some chaos for the sake of offerings or smth. 10/10 bad god but not the worst.

Galeon: Sweet boy, would bring about a peaceful world. The most benevolent god you could meet, devoted to his people and their wellbeing.

Hollond: lmao uh oh... probably a spiteful and fickle god -- doesn't like most of their subjects but tolerates them because what is a god without worshippers? Doesn't help them often, more inclined to help the young or the elderly, the truly pitiable.

Greta: Chaos for no reason. A friendly god, very much a trickster who causes damage by accident -- doesn't mean to and makes up for it with plentiful bounty and harvest.

???: A malevolent god but not out of pure evil -- thinks destruction of her subjects is the kindest mercy she can offer. Doesn't believe her world is worth saving or helping. She's a jaded and hurt god.

#asks #answered #chara: lesilfae #chara: hollond ovara #chara: galeon hughes #chara: greta #chara: finlay uldana #minor angst #I always abandoned character playlists -- I'm too indecisive lol!!#greta is (once again) the only character who's answers aren't sad in any waylol #love her <3

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collecting-stories · 3 years

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I Feel it all Over - t. 04 - JJ Maybank

Summary: Kiara surprises you at church and you spend the day with her, JJ, and Pope.

A/N: If you haven't ever listened to them...can I just highly recommended listening to The Maine (whose album You Are Ok this is based on)? They’re music is amazing...You Are Ok, American Candy, and Pioneer are probably my favorite albums of theirs. Plus they did an incredible cover of Watermelon Sugar...if you’re a fan of Harry Styles.

You Are Ok Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist

✞ I swear to every god I feel everything tonight with you ✞

New patrons to the church were usually whole families that came to services, whose fathers or mothers agreed your father’s lesson and felt drawn to the “community” of the Baptist denomination. They responded to the clickbait phrases and did feel lost in their everyday life. It was very rare that any new member, or anyone testing the church out for the first time, would be a single person, a teenager far removed from the beliefs and traditions of the church. But there was Kiara, walking up the few steps into the vestibule. She wasn’t here because of any lost feelings; she was here because she wanted to get to know you more. What JJ had told her, and what she had seen for herself on Friday, was someone that she definitely wanted to be friends with.

She had no bet to dictate how or when she became friends with you. She slipped into the line of people entering the church, catching sight of you standing by the door handing out pamphlets for that morning’s service. Making sure she was at the end of the line, she waved as she approached, happy to see you.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, glancing into the church before giving her a quick hug. If your parents or any other family saw they would ask how you knew this complete stranger and why you seemed so friendly with someone who had never been to the church before.

“JJ stole you on Friday,” she shrugged, “thought maybe we could hang out after church?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, a story already formulating in your head to tell your parents. Your mother always said that a lie was the devil on your tongue and the first time she’d said it you were convinced that the devil had taken out real estate because you lied constantly, and with ease. Sometimes just to see if you could get away with it. “That would be amazing.”

As far as friends went, you had very few. Your main source of companionship had come from your brothers and sisters, other friends were just acquaintances from youth group or church retreats that you never really felt any deeper connection with. The further away from the fold you felt, the less you found a community for yourself. You had been doubting for so long now that anything within the church felt like a show you were putting on for other people’s amusement, the emotions weren’t real and niether were you.

JJ wasn’t the first boy you had ever let yourself like but he was the first person you had ever felt comfortable being yourself around. There was no fear of judgement or rejection with him, nothing you said was turned into a weapon to make you feel guilty or unworthy, you didn’t have to pretend to be someone you weren’t. You had been nervous to meet his friends, feeling so different from them, but Kiara and Pope had been nice, welcoming, and all you felt was ease. Even now, seeing Kiara had put a more genuine smile on your face than seeing your family visiting for church.

“I wore my best ‘church’ outfit,” Kiara said, gesturing to the maxi dress and sweater she was wearing. The dress was backless and strappy but it was the only thing she owned that wasn’t short. She’d thrown a sweater overtop, hoping she could play off the dress better.

“You blend right in,” you laughed, “I’m relegated to sit up front...I don’t know if you wanna sit with me up there?”

“Lead the way.”

The “peace be with you’s” weren’t too bad and you lied to your mom when she asked how you knew Kiara, telling her that you had met at Heyward's and invited Kiara to church because she was interested in the tract you had. Your mother’s love for testimony and her conviction that people really did want to be approached on the street and harassed about their faith were enough to convince her that your story was solid. It was enough, even, to give you permission to go to lunch with Kiara after service was over.

Kiara hadn’t been to church since she was thirteen and her mom decided that she was old enough to choose whether or not she actually wanted to be there. That sort of power and responsibility had been all Kiara needed to ditch Sunday service altogether and spend her mornings out on the waves with the pogues, worshipping a different sort of force. She was a lot less religious and a lot more spiritual now though she listened intently to your father preaching. The opinions were hogwash, nothing to bat an eye at, but the actual teachings were interesting. You seemed relatively invested in those parts too, your notes, Kiara realized, looked a lot more like a theology lesson than a preacher’s condemnation of society.

“You know a lot about the bible,” Kiara mentioned once you were out of church and back at her house, changing into jeans and a shirt of hers.

“I like studying religion, theology,” you clarified, “my grandfather knew a lot about the texts. Not like my dad, he’s just...got his own ideas. My grandfather knew the Greek and Hebrew translations and spent years studying other religions as well. It was so cool to talk to him about it. I like that part, the history, the context, more than the ‘fundamentalist/evangelical crap’ my dad touts.”

“Is that something you’d study?” She asked, pulling a tank top on over her bathing suit, “like in college?”

“My parents won’t let me go to college.” You replied.

“That’s so crazy, my parents would kill me if I didn’t go.”

You spent the drive to Kiara’s dad’s restaurant explaining your parents future plan for your life, including telling her about the boy that your parents wanted you to marry. When she asked if JJ knew you admitted that he did and that you weren’t really sure what was going to happen when you turned eighteen. You knew what your parents wanted, for you to get engaged and then quickly married, but that wasn’t what you wanted at all.

“If I say that though...there’s a good chance I’d be ex-communicated. Not just from the church but from my family. One of my cousins defected and no one speaks to her anymore.” You said, “it’s like a massive stain on her family’s reputation.”

“Yeah but if she’s happy, does it matter?”

“It’s...it’s not just that I haven’t worn jeans or drank a soda,” you said, following Kiara out onto the back deck to eat, “it’s that I don’t have anyone outside my family. It’s not just being sheltered, it’s being isolated. And I know that, and I hate it but...it’s all I know.”

“None of your siblings have done it differently?”

“No.” You shook your head, “I think I would’ve been fine coasting too...I was pretty much set that this was it ya know? But then...JJ asked me out.” You admitted.

Kiara frowned, “yeah but you don’t know what’s gonna happen with JJ in the future.”

You shrugged, “it’s not just about him...it’s me, feeling happier and more confident.”

“Talking about me?” JJ’s voice came from behind you and you turned around, watching him and Pope walk up to the railing of the deck. He put his hands on the railing, pulling himself up so he could lean over and kiss your cheek.

“I should’ve known you guys would crash.” Kiara said, rolling her eyes as JJ climbed the rest of the way up, hopping over the railing onto the deck.

“What’re you guys up to?” Pope asked, staying on the other side.

“Kie mentioned taking the ferry to Chapel Hill.” You replied, “I have to be back before dark though.”

“So what’re we waiting for?” JJ said, grabbing your soda and taking a sip.

The four of you rode the ferry over to Chapel Hill, standing on the back deck the whole time talking. Kiara suggested shopping the moment you got off the ferry, telling you that all she wanted was to see you pick out an actual outfit.

“Nothing hand-me-down or borrowed, just like a real, honest outfit that you pick out.” Kiara said, taking your hand in hers as she pushed open the door to one of the small stores along the main road.

JJ followed you to the back of the store where the sale racks were, skimming through clothes, holding up different things that were still a little too far out of your comfort zone. You shook your head at a spaghetti strapped mini dress, pulling a crossover out to show him, “I like this one.”

“Try it on.” He shrugged.

“Where’s the changing area?” You asked, looking around the small area.

JJ grabbed your hand, “over here.” He led you to the curtained off stalls, pulling you into one of them and hanging the dress up.

“I have a very strong feeling that if anyone caught us we would be in massive trouble.” You whispered, biting your lip to stop from laughing as JJ moved so that you were looking in the mirror and he was behind you, hands on your hips. He rested his head on your shoulder, nudging his face into the space between your shirt and your neck, kissing the exposed skin.

“Yeah but you’ve never been shopping so what do you know?” JJ replied, as if it was obvious and he wasn’t just bullshitting you to stay in the changing room.

You turned in his arms, putting your hands over his, “I’m not changing with you in here.”

“Fine,” he groaned, “If I leave will you try on something for me?”

“Fine.” You mimicked. You kissed him, initiating it for yourself this time, before pushing him into the curtain. He gave another exasperated sigh as he swept the curtain out of the way and left you to change.

Alone in the dressing room, you changed out of your clothes and tried on the floral wrap dress. It tied off at the waist, cutting a deep V and a slit up to your thigh. It was a dress but not like any you had ever worn before. You pushed the curtain enough that you could peek out to see JJ. He was slouched in the chair, texting, while he waited for you.

“I thought you were picking something out?” You said, looking over at him.

He shrugged, “I’d rather see what you like then pick something out for you.”

“Thanks,” you nodded.

JJ watched you as you pushed the curtain back and stepped out of the changing room. “Holy shit,” he mouthed. “Wait, don’t move!”

“What? Why?” You asked as he lifted his phone in front of his face.

“I wanna picture of this.” He replied. Sure, he had seen you in a dress before but he had never seen you in a dress like this, one that actually fit you well, that wasn’t trying to hide your figure but accentuate it. One that you looked so incredibly happy in.

“So I take it I don’t look half bad?” You joked, stepping further out when he had stashed his phone and stood up.

“Half bad? You look...incredible.” JJ replied. Deciding it was worth mentioning, he added, “you look really happy.”

“I really like this dress. I’ve never really...liked anything I’ve worn before. Like, it’s just always felt like, clothes. This is different.” You admitted.

Your clothes were just whatever hand-me-downs fit you. From siblings, relatives, church members, it was never your stuff, you never chose it, never got to say what you liked or disliked.

“Oh my god!” Kiara exclaimed, coming over and interrupting your moment with JJ, “you look so pretty.”

“Thanks.” You nodded, smiling at her, “I think I’m gonna get it.”

“Let me.” JJ piped up and you looked over at him.

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” He insisted.

There was little further discussion to be had about it, JJ purchasing the dress for you and the four of you wandering around the rest of Chapel Hill, heading in and out of a few different shops. Pope talked to you about his future college plans and you listened intently. Being with JJ was amazing but being able to be friends with a guy, just sitting with Pope and not having to consider anything other that friendship, was so underrated in your life. You had never been friends with a boy either.

Kiara drove you back to your house after you changed, just getting inside as your sister Praise was setting the table. “Hi! I’m so sorry I’m late!” You apologized, “Kie and I were just chatting and I lost track of time.”

“That’s okay Ace, mom was just telling us about Timothy’s visit. Are you excited?” Praise asked, wrapping her arms around you in a hug.

You hugged her back, “I’m very excited.” You lied.

Robert gave you a hug as you walked further into the house, handing off a baby and soon you were outside, supervising kids while your other siblings sat and chatted with your parents around the table. You were only two years younger than Robert but he was married with a kid and another on the way and that automatically made you still a kid. Though you felt less and less like a kid every day.

Your parents talked about Timothy’s visit and their own upcoming trip, ignoring anything that actually had to do with you or your interests. Even Praise, in talking about your upcoming nuptials, mentioned that her dress was still in good condition if you needed one.

“Oh, wouldn’t that be amazing Ace? You could wear Praise’s dress?” Your mother mentioned from across the table, smiling at you as if all her dreams were being realized right there at the table.

“Amazing.”

The sound of tapping at your window startled you as you sat on the bed, reading before sleep. You walked over, lifting the blinds to see JJ standing there. He waved as you opened the window for him.

“What are you doing here?”

“I missed you, I wanted to see you.” He replied, leaning into the window space.

“You just saw me earlier.” You pointed out.

“I also wanted to know if you wanted to go for a ‘midnight swim’ with me, Kie, and Pope?” JJ said, “we’re taking the HMS out. John B and Sarah don’t feel like going out and I figured you might.”

“I’m lucky no one caught me last time JJ,” you replied, “I don’t know if I can risk it.”

“That’s fine,” he said, “you don’t have to.”

You bit your bottom lip, glancing back over at your door. Your parents were asleep for the night and the thought of getting to spend more time with JJ was just too tempting for you to say no too. You were sure your dad had some bible verse to offer for you as proof that this was an evil infatuation but you could care less, agreeing to go and grabbing the swimsuit that JJ had given you. “Just let me change.”

“Can do.” JJ turned around, back to the window, and you almost laughed.

You changed quickly before climbing out the window, “I better not get in trouble for this.”

JJ led you through the woods to John B’s house, just like the night of the kegger, taking you down to the jetty. Kiara waved when she saw you and Pope helped you onto the HMS.

“I can’t believe you let him sneak you out.” Pope joked as JJ boarded the boat.

He drove you out on the marsh, parking in an open area where they couldn’t be seen by lights at the edge of anyone’s yard. The HMS didn’t have lights itself and they banked on that to keep themselves mostly out of trouble. Kiara lit a lantern in the middle of the boat but otherwise it was dark as they jumped in, JJ hanging back with you.

The two of you sat on the bench together, in your own little world seemingly. “Can I try a sip?” You asked, holding your hand out for the beer he was drinking.

“You sure?” He asked.

“Yeah, positive.”

He passed the beer over, laughing when you took a big gulp and then practically spit in out. “Oh my god, that’s horrible!” You cried, sticking your tongue out.

“I warned you.” He laughed.

“Not enough,” you replied, “that’s really gross.”

“Sorry babe,” he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you against him and kissing your cheeks and then your lips. “We’ll stick to soda for now.”

“Yes please.” You replied, kissing him back.

“Quit macking on each other and get in the water!” Pope shouted, grabbing on to the side of the boat and pushing himself up so that the HMS would rock slightly.

You grabbed onto JJ more, laughing as the boat swayed.

“What the fuck Pope, we’re coming.” He grumbled. “I’m trying to spend time with my girlfriend.”

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