natjac
natjac
Gay | Pokémon | Geography Major Completely destroyed by a lying cheating boyfriend
20080 posts
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I'm sick rn your funny silly ways are fixing me
imagine me shooting green energy into you that poisons you and kills you
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pinterest bitches are so cunty for absolutely ZERO reason😭
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Visiting LA this weekend and was thinking of going to the ocean and letting a shark eat me to end it all.
But then I thought how that would villainize the shark and they would most likely kill it.
Being depressed and a conservationist is hard.
#sorry for being depressing#sad boi vibes#depressing life#shark#save the sharks#conservation#animals#fish#beach#sharkbait#nature
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Unfortunately Q4 of the fiscal year was a disaster so my tumblr posts will be extremely low budget starting now.
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i need to cheer myself up im gonna try to draw a shrimp from memory
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I can’t figure it out. I can’t wrap my head around it all. You said I was perfect but now I’m alone. You said you couldn’t be in a relationship with anyone and you got in one less than 2 months after we split.
I can’t stop loving you. All I want is you to hold me. No one else. I can’t come back from this. How can anyone. My heart is beyond shattered. It’s cant be fixed.
I keep listing to Know Who You Are from Moana. It causes me to sob uncontrollably because you took my heart. You look my love, my hopes and dreams, the lessons from our relationship and you are building a new one with all of those things.
I’m sorry that when you said I was perfect, I believed you. I’m sorry that every lesson we learned together, would be a brick for house with another. I’m sorry I didn’t realize I was just a love in your life, and not the love of your life.
I’m sorry I wasn’t enough.
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Howdy pal, it seems you’re under the impression that you’re better than me
said the slug to the Sun
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"Elk Centaur" by Francois Lelong
Stevens Point Sculpture Park, Wisconsin, USA
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Do you actually like Pikachu? Pobably a dumb question that's been asked before and it is i sorry I wasted your time
Hey buddy, I need you to do one thing for me: believe in yourself more.
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I wish everyone would give up on me already. Just let me go. I can’t bear this anymore
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My entire life I’ve been forgotten. Being the closeted gay kid with only girl friends I didn’t get to go to the sleep overs and wasn’t invited to the parties cuz I was the quiet kid in the back. I had interests no one cared about when I talked to them or they would call me obsessed.
Adult life got easier. I made good friends but was still always felt like the plus one. Spending nights in country bars and other places where my friends met guys and I was their support cheering them on and protecting them but always alone after.
Guys treated me like shit when I would talk to them. Disrespectful, ghosting and putting me down to make themselves feel better.
Then I met you, and you did none of that. You listened to me, even with things you knew nothing about like when you saw my best friends had Pokémon types assigned to them in my phone and you went through all the types to pick yours out even though you knew nothing about Pokémon cuz of your religious parents.
Remember the map I made of all the meaningful places we had been to as a valentines present and I used all those bitmojis cuz that show you met me (you said my bitmoji on Snapchat was cute). Remember the home theatre we made at your apartment? Or when it snowed on campus and how pretty it was. Remember when we got our rescue do Brie?
Fixing my moms place after the contractors stole from her. Going to Del Rio and meeting your family. Your dad and mom both inviting me into their house to celebrate Christmas with them. Taking a secret Vegas vacation my sister and best friend payed for just so they could meet you. Remember when I would drive to Houston in summer with no ac just to have lunch with you during your internship? Remember all the amazing “alone” times we had? The things I could do that no one else could.
And so many more wonderful memories and moments.
You showed me love, affection, attention, and made me feel attractive for once in my life. You did so much good for me. You became my best friend and my boyfriend. And yea you messed up. A lot.
You cheated and I forgave you each time. I’d ask why and you wouldn’t give me anything but “i don’t know.” But those were a drop in the bucket compared to the good times. The laughs, the love.
I helped you through your mental illness, took you into the hospital and talked to your family when they thought I was just your roommate. Four times I did that. Never held it over your head but only wanted to help you. I moved from everyone I knew to be with you in North Carolina, to support and love you when you got into Duke. You said you wouldn’t get in but I knew you would. I never doubted.
At my sisters wedding you told my best friend you wanted to marry me. 5.5 years on my life all of the unfaltering love, dedication and sacrifice. All of it would have been more than worth it for a life time with you. That’s all I ever wanted.
A month later you told me you had cheated and didn’t think you could stop. You said it was something you needed to work on, on your own. With out me or anyone else. So we planned to break up. Maybe get back together after you grew. But we agreed I shouldn’t be in that pain anymore.
Then you got into a new relationship in less than 2 months. With a mutual friend that I was wary of your friendship with. And you spin the same story again. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. I don’t think the flirting and us texting till 4 am led to us getting together. You are just trying to make things fit in your narrative.” Even though you are supposed to be working on these issues on your own. That’s why we broke up right?
And after you guys got together and we were still trying to help me deal with the breakup the compassion and apologies changed to mean spirited comments and frustration. To the point of our friendship and all mutual friends with us had to be cut out. I lost all of them. Because you did wrong.
The worst part of this all though. You act like the last 5.5 years didn’t exist. You have no respect or compassion for what I did.
Because if you did I would get genuine apologies and answers for what you did. I wouldn’t have been forgotten about when you and your new boyfriend talked to our friends to make sure that they were ok with it and you hid it from me. You two apologized to them but not me. Neither of you are accepting or acknowledging that the flirting and shit led up to this. Or the lies you’ve told. Or possibly worse how you cared about others feelings but forgot about me.
And that’s my fault for believing that some measure of love you had for me would carry over. Or our friend and you to respect me and apologize for the months of flirting and pain you two caused me afterwards with the lies and backstabbing.
You will never understand what you did to me. To bring someone to such happiness and then utterly destroy them. To the point that I sit and wonder which parts of our relationship were real and which were fake.
I don’t know if I’ll ever stop caring and loving you. You became my best friend, and I lost both that and my boyfriend at once. And the loss of respect and care on your end… nothing I could have done would have prepared me for that.
Now I sit here every day, trying to move on. Trying to find a reason to keep going. With thoughts of ending my life bombarding me because if someone that I cared for and loved that much can so easily forget about me and erase me from his life like I was nothing. What am I doing here.
Anyway I’m going to therapy starting this week. I think it may help. I hope it does and I hope I find someone who will accept every good and bad part of me and will embrace them.
I don’t wish you ill will despite all of this. I want you to be happy and healthy.
But I know you will be haunted by us. Even if you act like you aren’t. Haunted by memories of what you threw away. For who you threw away. For the pain that you caused me.
And I hope I forget you. Because you have now tainted all the good times. I never thought that I would feel this way towards you. I know I never will forget you. But if there was an option to I would take it now.
Our relationship was to date my proudest accomplishment. But you are my greatest disappointment.
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Well guys, I tried. I really did. I’m sorry to those who love me who will feel betrayed. I’m sorry for it all.
I couldn’t cut it in this world in this life. Maybe whatever is up there will take pity on me in the next life.
Goodbye
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