#mostly born out of the fact my pain was never real enough to those around me. I was never considered sick enough. I had no proof of my pain
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Eunuch! Bum x Queen! Reader + King! Sangwoo
word count: 4.1k
tw: sangwoo, noncon, abuse of power, misogyny, murder, cheating, degradation, choking, cursing, minors dni
Ongoing…
[Chapter 2] , [Chapter 3]
Upon sliding the doors open, you were welcomed to blood spraying on your face. Droplets kissed your cheeks and if it was a calmer atmosphere, it would give the illusion of a blush. Reality, however, was much horrifying. Shocked by this, you stopped to assess the scene. Everyone was afraid to move a muscle as the king swung his sword, killing the chief state councilor with a stroke. As his body fell, more blood puddled at your feet, staining your slippers. Once the initial horror faded, you sprang forward, hugging Sangwoo’s midriff. “Your Majesty! Please stop this!” It was a brave or perhaps foolish action, interfering with your ruler. Words falling on deaf ears, he pushed you from him. The closest guard caught your form. Despite his absolute authority, killing nobles without reason, especially high ranking officers, was frowned on.
This is madness.
Your king was beauteous and cruel. A month into his ascension to the throne and he was already crumbling the ideals in which this nation was founded. Stray hairs hung around his chiseled face, tiny beads of sweat mixed with blood giving him a sadistic gleam as he grinned. Looking your way for a moment, he lazily waved at guards, “Take the Queen to her room.” Without a choice, the two of them gently nudged you from the scene. “Your Highness, please follow us.” Though their faces remained unmoving, their tone revealed their true feelings on the matter. Palm pressed against your mouth, you threw one last glance at the massacre before you. Blinking any lingering emotions, you walked away.
—
Pants filled the room as Sangwoo thrusted into you relentlessly. He was angry; even though he’d appointed new council members, he wasn’t sure he could trust them. In his mind, everyone was after his crown. You were angry as well, but for an entirely different reason.
You laid bare before your king, the fine robes that adorned your body pushed aside revealed your soft breasts; legs spread showed the path to your royal cunt. It disgusted you, thinking how many women had been in this bed, in your same position. Though the silk sheets were pristine, it could never truly wash away the sin. He grunted, “Stop overthinking. Just focus on—” he was close “—taking my seed, it’s all that matters.” Uncaring about your pleasure, Sangwoo bent you into an uncomfortable position, one that allowed his member to penetrate your walls at a deeper angle.
You allowed it.
The two of you, mostly you, were under incredible pressure to conceive. Not just a child, but a male heir. The fact that you hadn’t produced a son for the king was worrying to your mother. She wrote, often. It’s all she could talk about in her letters nowadays; there was fear in her that you would suffer as she did. Four miscarriages, three stillbirths, and then you. Highly superstitious, your mother believed that her misfortune was the price for the murder of the heirs by concubines in a fit of jealousy.
“Put a baby in me Sangwoo.”
You nearly begged, if only to end this. Making love wasn’t an option, nor your life a fairytale. No. King Sangwoo only fucked, and in the most inconvenient places too. You’ll never forget the embarrassment endured when you had tea with several noblewomen; your gracious king thought it would be appropriate to do it in a room adjacent to theirs. He bent you over a desk, throwing everything else off it, before sheathing himself inside of you. Emerging twenty minutes later, you couldn’t even look the ladies in the eyes. No one said anything, lest they lose their heads, but they knew.
Spurred by your words, Sangwoo thrusted faster and harder. “Fuuuck.” He stayed attached to you, like a dog, making sure your womb swallowed every last bit of his essence before pulling out. “Get pregnant.” Is all he said to you as he dressed again and exited the chambers. Out of breath and without a care, you laid there on the bed.
—
A life of servitude awaited YoonBum the second he was born. His poverty stricken parents sold him to be a household slave. Doomed to this fate, Bum tried his best to follow through and avoid punishments. Unfortunately, his master was a sadist and everyday, he received a beating.
After running errands, Bum stood in line to receive the bags of rice his master had ordered. It was the last thing on his list before readying to go home and continue working. Being close by, he couldn’t help but overhear several gentlemen talking, “Where is that damned village?!”
The village in question, it seems, was Bum’s hometown. Because it was a tiny place full of peasants and criminals, cartographers didn’t bother putting it on a map. Only those that came from there knew the area. Sangwoo caught him staring. Quickly glancing away, Bum only saw the man motioning to his companions from the corner of his eye. In a matter of seconds, he was facing the man. He was dressed in purple robes and a gat, symbolizing his status. “Do you know where this village is?”
Daring not to look him in the eye, Bum was slow to nod. He’d been out long enough; his master was probably marching towards the market to drag him home. “Show me.” As guessed, a heavy man came barreling in their direction. He was red in the face. “Bum!” Master Yoon screamed obscenities. Coming to a stop, he sneered at the men.
“We need your servant.”
Though the statement seemed like a request, Sangwoo’s tone made it clear that it was an order. The balding man huffed, ready to curse him out and refuse when Sangwoo showed his name tag. It was made of a cool stone, Oh Sangwoo engraved with the royal crest. The fact that was once red turned pale in realization. Meek before his ruler, Mister Yoon had no choice but to relent. “We’ll be taking him then.”
Bum felt his humanity slip away as he was given to another man so easily. With his head bowed down, he followed this strange new path forged by the man in purple robes.
—
The Heavens decided to smile on YoonBum when he saved the king’s life.
It was an accident, really. The guards felt no threat to the approaching figure in the form of a frail, old lady who was an assassin in disguise. YoonBum saw the knife before they did, jumping in front of Sangwoo.
Adrenaline in his system, Bum didn’t realize he was stabbed till he felt warmth seeping through his rags. Looking down, red spread around the area. It hurt. Badly. Bum’s legs felt like noodles; the little energy he had left his body as he collapsed onto the dirt. Even breathing was painful. His intervention set things in motion. One of the bodyguards chased down the assassin, two stood by Sangwoo and another leant down to help him. He must’ve asked something important but Bum couldn’t hear him clearly. It’s like he was submerged underwater. The last thing he saw before his vision turned black, was Sangwoo staring at him with interest.
He woke up in the nicest room he’s ever been.
The king didn’t visit him personally but he was sent a letter. Red overtook his face as he was forced to admit he didn’t know how to read. The servant relayed the contents, stating that when he was recovered, he would serve the king closely. From someone of his birth, it was the best he could get. YoonBum suddenly felt immensely grateful; he would no longer sleep in a shed with the pigs but a real mat! The pain on his side reminded him of the price he’d paid for this position, but he was used to being hurt. At least now it served to help him.
As the moment of glee passed, Bum realized he didn’t quite know the etiquette of serving the king. Joy left his body as he wondered how he would figure it out.
Like him, Sangwoo was plagued by this constant state of unhappiness. After the attempt on his life, he would think his subjects would be glad to see him breathing but instead he got murmurs of concern. What if he’d died? Who would’ve taken the throne since there was no heir? It would’ve thrown the palace into chaos.
Their silent pleas did not go unheard. “Maybe I should have them killed. Them and their entire families—” he paused when he saw you in the gardens, smiling at one of your ladies. His heart twisted. Sangwoo couldn’t explain it, but he always got the urge to inflict pain on you. He could say it stemmed from a place of resentment. How hard was it to get pregnant? If you gave him a son, he wouldn’t be pestered by these old fucks. Not to mention, your face contorting in distress was intoxicating—not even the concubines could compete with that.
Beneath his robes, his cock twitched with excitement. Oh, how he was going to enjoy this. Approaching your unsuspecting figure, he threw a dazzling smile to your courtesans. Sangwoo knew how to use his assets advantageously. Despite the suffering he caused, people were rendered speechless by his charm and good-looks.
He was like a snake, slithering towards his prey, waiting to attack. You did not hear him coming till you saw your ladies-in-waiting bowing. Greeting him appropriately, you expressed your relief. “Your Highness, I am glad to see you unharmed.”
It’d been a while since you last saw him; when he arrived, the rumour about the assassin spread like wildfire. “My Queen, you are truly a vision. These flowers have nothing on your beauty. You are proof that absence makes the heart grow fonder.” His honeyed words felt like prodding the bees’ nest. If you weren’t careful, you would be stung.
The only times he was this affectionate was when he wanted something. He played the same lovestruck role with your father to convince him of marrying you. Sending your ladies off, Sangwoo dropped his smile. His expression was replaced with desperation. Pulling on your wrist, the two of you traversed to your quarters since they were closer. “Ah!” Thrown harshly onto the bed, you hardly had time to compose yourself before he was mounting you. “Let’s put your cursed womb to good use.” A gasp escaped your lips as he entered you without warning. Your hands formed to fists, grabbing onto the sheets for dear life. It hurts, it hurts!
“Your Majesty! Please— aaah! Be more gentle..!”
Without seeing his face, you could already picture his cruel smirk. “You were born a disappointment. The least you could do is serve your purpose as my wife and bear me an heir.” His words angered you. Managing to twist away, you tried to escape his iron grip. This only resulted in you being pushed onto your back. Sangwoo pried your legs open and realigned himself.
Slap!
Sangwoo’s eyes widened with disbelief. The stinging in his cheek somehow made his pulse beat faster. Hands wrapping around your throat, he squeezed. “You should treat your king with more reverence. It would be a shame if the nation lost its queen. Especially one who can be easily replaced.” Having been the youngest war general, Sangwoo had strength to spare. Your hands seemed small as they banged on his form, silently begging to release you.
Having your life in his hands gave him the edge he needed to cum. With a low moan, Sangwoo emptied himself inside you. In turn, you couldn’t even focus on anything else other than breathing, choking as you gasped for air that you’d previously been deprived of. Knowing that he was capable of committing the worst, death seemed better than staying by his side.
“Perhaps I am not the problem, Your Majesty.”
Your voice was raspy but it rang clear across his majesty’s mind. Your words struck deep, like a knife embedded in his brain. It created a wound that would eventually fester. “Shut up.”
As if to disprove your point, he visited every concubine, not leaving until none of them were left untouched. He needed a son, one way or another, and if you wouldn’t give it to him, he would seek it elsewhere.
—
YoonBum was mostly healed; if anything, it appeared he’d been forgotten after a week of rest. The medic was currently tending to his wound, “It's healing nicely. A few more days and you should be out of here.”
The two of them turned at the sound of the door sliding open, immediately bowing at Her Highness’ entrance.
“Your Majesty, how can I be of use?” It was a bit surprising to see you there; your medical checkup wasn’t till another month. He wondered if you were feeling ill. Fabric wrapped around your neck; the weather was tepid, even inside the palace. That’s when he noticed the purple marks that peeked from under the material. Aware of his pointed stare, you moved the scarf upwards to conceal it. “I need you to acquire these medicinal herbs for me.” Taking the list, he read it carefully. How odd. Before he could ask what they were for, you added, “Your discretion would be appreciated.”
“Of course.”
Bum sat there silently, head facing the floor when you acknowledged him. “Are you the man that saved my husband?” Snapping upwards, he sputtered before letting out a quick “Yes!” Finally having a chance to gaze at your face, Bum felt himself turning red. Dressed in the finest silks from head to toe, standing with an air of regalness, was you. Unlike the king, there was warmth in you. Being in the presence of such a being felt unreal.
At first glance, the young man seemed no different than the other servants. However, his pink cheeks reminded you of innocence that one so rarely saw in the palace, which was filled with betrayal and resentment. His disposition was kind of endearing. You hoped he would remain like this, untainted by the world. “Then I must thank you.”
At your words, Bum’s figure lowered, forehead touching the wood. “Y-your Highness is too kind!” This position caused him a stab of discomfort, applying pressure to his wound yet he refused to straighten up. Noticing, you motioned at him, “Don’t force yourself.”
With that brief interaction, you were gone.
Entering your chambers, you signaled for the maid. Unwrapping the silk bandages, you stared at the mirror. Your husband’s marks served as a reminder of who held the power in this union. The young woman kneeled before you, taking a round brush and rolling it in powder. Although her ministrations were gentle, you couldn’t help but hiss when it applied pressure to your tender skin. “Forgive this servant, Your Majesty!”
“Don’t mind it. Continue.”
—
The king was anxious.
It was one thing for you to not get pregnant, but he’d been keeping busy and there was still no news of concubines with child. Reminded and bothered by your words, he summoned the royal physician. Sangwoo believed he wasn’t the problem, he just needed confirmation. What did you know? He wanted an expert to say that he was fulfilling his duties as king and it was everybody else that lacked.
“I’m sorry to say this, Your Highness.. but you’re infertile.”
With great effort, Sangwoo stopped himself from strangulating the doctor. It was impossible. A frown etched itself in Sangwoo’s face, his handsome features twisting into something scary. “You’re wrong.” It didn’t make sense; as a healthy male in his prime, Sangwoo shouldn’t have a problem fathering as many children as he could. There were several causes that may have caused his infertility, especially since he was a war general but the fact remained that he could not produce children.
Only an heir of royal blood could be king.
He forced the poor man to do every test available to ensure this. The result was the same. Again. And again. “You must not be doing your job right.” As the guards dragged the pleading man, a piece of paper fell from the medics’ robes during the struggle. Picking it up, Sangwoo recognized your handwriting.
“What’s this?”
There was temporary relief in the man’s face as Sangwoo stopped in front of him. “That.. the Queen requested a few me-medicinal herbs.” It didn’t sit right with Sangwoo. Why on earth would you need this shit? The physician seemed hesitant to answer his question. A rough push finally ushered him to say, “Alone these herbs are fine, but mixed..”
As requested, the herbs were delivered to you by the doctor’s assistant. The timing was perfect too. “Why didn’t your master deliver these himself?” Nervous, the boy stuttered a few excuses before asking for permission to leave. That should’ve raised flags in your head but you wanted the plan to work. You needed it to work.
The king had finally taken time out of his busy schedule to visit you, and not just to copulate. He was kind enough to accept your invitation to have a picnic at the pavilion. It was surrounded by a grand lake and vividly green trees; a true landscape.
Sangwoo arrived with a familiar man at his side. You realized you never asked for his name, though that was easily fixed when Sangwoo made a vague motion towards him. “That’s Bum.” He was dressed in green and Sangwoo in red. In comparison to their bright colors, you wore a soft pastel pink, denoting your sophisticated features.
Sitting down, you signaled the servant to begin pouring the soup. Sangwoo raised a brow, curious, “You’re not going to eat?” Listening to your response, a smile appeared on his face. “I wanted to make a special meal for Your Highness, from the bottom of my heart.” It was unnerving, the way he looked at you. Still, you never lost composure, waiting patiently for him. That is, until he asked Bum to lean down and try it. Obedient, the male did so without question. Eyes widening, you managed to stop Bum from tasting. Your hand held onto his wrist tightly—the spoon hovering centimeters from his lips. A few droplets spilled onto the wooden table. Sangwoo tilted his head to the side, innocent expression in tow. “Something wrong?”
Everything is wrong!
Sangwoo knew. You didn’t know how, but of this, you were sure. Fear is what he wanted and you weren’t going to give it to him. “This meat in this broth was especially prepared for His Royal Highness. It shouldn’t go to waste on someone else.” The tip of Bum’s ears burned from embarrassment. He was under the impression you were a benevolent queen; instead, he was reminded of his lowly status. Of course he couldn’t eat the expensive meat, a peasant like him wouldn’t know how to appreciate the flavor. The hurt on his face was evident but he turned to the king, awaiting further instructions. Sangwoo wasn’t fazed, “Don’t be silly.”
Taking the spoon, Sangwoo offered it to you.
You stared at it, unmoving. Sangwoo poked your lips, “Who else but the Queen would be worthy to try such delicacy?” He was baiting you, daring you to deny or confess. Neither was an option. Grabbing the spoon from him, you slowly opened your mouth and dropped the contents inside. Sangwoo’s eyes narrowed slightly but he said nothing. “Swallow.” Damn him to hell. Before you could do such a thing, a guard interrupted. Apparently there were news concerning Yang Seungbae, a traitor to the crown; he was spotted near a town on the outskirts of the forest.
Sangwoo hated him. More than anyone. That bastard was working hard to rally forces that would conspire against him. While things were peaceful at court, Sangwoo had felt a shift ever since the assassination attempt. His eye twitched in annoyance, though you weren’t entirely positive if it was because of Seungbae or the fact that he’d been interrupted. Sitting completely still, you watched as Sangwoo whispered to Bum before leaving. As soon as he was gone, you grabbed a handkerchief and spit out the soup. This action worries a few servants but you waved them off. “It’s cold.” They couldn’t understand as you ordered them to throw it, seeing as it was perfectly edible. Such a waste, disposing of such good meat.
Bum followed you like a lost puppy. The first night Sangwoo bedded him, YoonBum experienced true love. It wasn’t gentle; the king’s touch harbored no hatred but passion. Bum had never felt like that. It made him feel special; the ruler of the country placed his lips and strong hands on his skinny body. He had a queen, concubines, and still, he went to him. Elated couldn’t begin to describe how Bum felt. His feelings for his king were all-consuming. Since then, he’d made a promise to follow every order Sangwoo asked of him. Bum didn’t have anything against you, truly, but his loyalty laid with his king.
On their way back, they encountered Imperial Concubine Min Jieun. The crowd following her greeted you respectfully, and while she did so too, there was a triumphant smirk on her face. Nodding in acknowledgment, you continued walking, enjoying nature. The sun warmed your skin, making you forget about any worries, if only for a moment. Once the group was out of earshot, you glanced at your companion. “What was that about?” It was no secret how spoiled Min Jieun was; she was a woman of noble birth, groomed to perfection. That’s the facade she chose to wear instead of the power hungry bitch she was. Envy burned in every particle of her body. She wanted you out of the picture—she wanted to be queen and mother of Sangwoo’s children. Still, your position commanded respect. Your lady leaned in, whispering, “There’s rumors that she’s with child.”
“Oh.”
Bum watched your composed reaction with intrigue. He could understand if you held a grudge towards her. He did. You would always be first to the king, so he had to accept that. Bum knew it was the way things ran. However, he couldn’t say the same for the other concubines. They had the chance to bear Sangwoo’s child. Bum only wished he could do so too. Alas, this resentment made him feel guilty because the concubines were amicable women—well, except Min Jieun. He didn’t realize that they were shackled to this restrictive lifestyle; that they had no choice but to make the best of the situation.
“Is there something you want to say?”
Almost jumping at the sudden sound of your voice, Bum gazed around to see who you were talking to. Finding your clear eyes on him, he realized you’d seen through him. “Uh.. n-no, Your Majesty..”
“Say it.”
“How.. how does Your Majesty handle it?”
Though the question itself was vague, you got the gist. “Queens are expected to rise above such earthly emotions.” You had a solemn expression and the grip around your fan tightened, “Jealousy is futile.”
Nodding, Bum felt like he’d swallowed vinegar. This revelation left him in deep thought. Perhaps that was the difference between royals and peasants; possessiveness was quick to overtake him while you had to live with the knowledge that your husband would seek the company of others.
Hm, maybe he was right not to envy you.
—
“The Queen has fallen ill.”
It was so sudden; you were so healthy one day and the next, chills racked your body, fever uncontrollable. The court tried to be positive on the matter but it wasn’t looking good. Sangwoo was advised to refrain from visiting you—if he got sick too, it would affect the entire nation. “I will see my wife as I see fit.”
“Open the door and step aside.”
He was like an angel of death, entering with eerie calmness. Even through the soft curtains he could see your weakened form. You looked thinner, unable to eat. The physicians tried to get you to consume anything but it was just regurgitated in minutes.
The bed dipped under his weight as he sat next to you.
“Did you eat something bad?” He caressed your face, pushing hairs away that stuck due to the sweat. Fingers tightening on the blankets, you managed to open your mouth. “Congratulations.” Lips pale and cracked, you smiled sardonically. Sangwoo wasn’t expecting that reaction. “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve heard news that Concubine Jieun is pregnant.”
A dark look crossed his face. “Is that so?” He stood, “Perhaps I should pay her a visit.” Though his tone was mocking, there was something bothering Sangwoo. Fortunately for the king, you were too woozy to think straight. Leaning down, Sangwoo placed a hand behind your neck, lifting you just a bit, enough to kiss your lips.
“Don’t die.”
#oh sangwoo#sangwoo x yoonbum#sangwoo x reader#sangwoo#yoonbum x you#yoonbum x y/n#yoonbum x reader#killing stalking yoonbum#killing stalking#ks yoonbum#ks sangwoo#yang seungbae#king x reader
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the trouble with wanting (is i want you) - part two
Friends!!!!! I’m here! I’m back!
I can’t apologize enough for the long wait! It certainly wasn’t intentional, but alas that is the life of a college student and unfortunately school comes before upstead as much as I wish it didn’t!
I hope part two gives you all the feels and makes up for the long absence, however, I do have something to share with you that may make you want to kill.
Part two turned into part three...
So, SURPRISE! This isn’t a two-shot; it will definitely be a three part story and I am happy to say that part three is written (mostly, I have to tweak a few things) so that will be up sometime next week depending on my school schedule.
Thank you again for your patience and I sincerely hope that you enjoy this chapter that contains no real plot, a lot of fluff and mutual pining!
As always, let me know what you think in the comments!
Tagging: @imjustwritingg, @anniesardors, @thetwit, @angelsjedi, @chichichicken, @carissalizz, @maya-asturias
Let me know if you want to be added to this list for part three!
Read on AO3
The next few days are filled with mandatory walking sessions, pain meds every four to six hours and Jay’s smiling face. He was the only reason why she wasn’t absolutely losing it because while she despised hospital stays in general, hospital stays in another city filled with people she didn’t know were downright insufferable.
But he’d made it go from something akin to glorified torture to slightly tolerable.
The bullet wound was starting to heal and the incision from where they’d had to remove her spleen was looking great according to the nurses and everything seemed to be on the right track healing wise, but anything regarding this thing that she and Jay had going on? She had no idea.
One would think getting shot in a different city, causing one partner to literally drop everything and come rushing to the other partner’s side would end in heartfelt confessions and relationships born at hospital bedsides.
But that’s not what happened, and Hailey was seriously starting to wonder if she and Jay were ever going to be on the same page. Or at least read the page aloud because she was fairly certain he felt the same way about her that she felt about him.
Because just partners don’t fly eight-hundred miles to be by your side even if you are hurt.
Right?
And it didn’t help that he was there with her almost twenty-four seven, giving her no time alone to process what he was telling her without words because before this, it had just been subtle glances and warm smiles, teasing words and affectionate eyes.
But this. Flying eight-hundred miles. It was tangible and real, and she couldn’t quite believe it was really actually happening, but then he was there, bringing her her favorite foods from restaurants she’d found during her time in New York and barely going back to her hotel room for sleep, staying by her side to keep her company and catch her up on five weeks’ worth of Intelligence news.
He was there for every lap around the hospital floor and every dressing change. He was there to shoo out the nurses when they were starting to get on her nerves and he was there, rubbing her hand softly when the pain of her bruised ribs made it hard to breathe.
And then there was the way she was constantly being referred to as ‘Jay’s wife’ instead of her own name much like when she was back in grade school and her teachers would call her ‘Sam’s little sister’.
He’d made quite the impression on the nurses and for some reason neither she nor Jay had set the record straight on the actual status of their relationship since that first day when he was mistaken as her husband.
(It was probably the same reason that they hadn’t talked about what Jay flying to New York meant. And to be honest, Hailey was sort of hoping that Jay would set the record straight on their relationship, if only to let her know where they stood.)
And she definitely wasn’t going to acknowledge the dangerous little thrill she got from hearing herself referenced that way or think about what it would be like for real. Nope, not a chance or she might never come back down to reality after having narcotic-induced dreams of three little words, ‘I do’s’, freckled little faces and laughing green eyes.
But then it’s so close, she can almost taste it and it should scare her, but it doesn’t.
Because she can feel it in the way he grins at her and in the way he tells her goodnight at the end of a long day of keeping her company. It’s in the way his arm brushes hers when he’s helping her sit or stand and it’s in the way his eyes hold hers for far longer than he should; his green eyes swimming with hints of the things she dreams.
But until she hears it. Until one of them gathers the courage to actually say the words and put a name to what they already know and feel, then she’s going to wait and guard those dreams carefully because she knows deep in her heart that when they return to Chicago, it will have either worked out or it won’t at all.
She’s not sure exactly when the pieces will fall into place or if they’ll even fit together but she knows they are at the point of no return. And honestly, that scares her the most because no matter what happens, it will always be Jay for her.
Because he was her home, and he had a place in her heart no one else could ever have and that terrified her because she knows that she’ll never get over him if for some reason it doesn’t work out between them.
She tries not to think like that because she’s pretty sure what she’s seen in his eyes is something that looks a lot like love, but it’s hard to be totally optimistic when it seems like the universe is always keeping them not necessarily apart, but not really together. At least not in the way she’s pretty sure both of them want.
So, she sits in her hospital bed, watching him laugh at her attempts to renegotiate her discharge date with the nurses and listens to him chatter about what Will’s been up to and how much he hated being tossed between Kevin, Kim, Adam and Vanessa while she’d been gone even if he liked working with each of them.
They’d been flying crooked he told her and that her not being there threw them all off so he’d be happy when he could take her back home and so would everyone else. In fact, they’d told her as much when Kim had facetimed Jay the day after he’d arrived in New York to get proof of life and see for themselves that she was truly going to be okay.
It was sweet and nice, and it made her realize how much she really did miss her team turned family even if she already felt like she was home just because Jay was beside her.
He was beside her and he was there with her and every time he looked at her over the beeping of the heart monitor she was hooked up to, everything else faded from view. The facetime calls with their friends, the friendly nurses checking up on her every few hours, the general hustle and bustle of hospital life happening outside her room.
It was just them and she’d be lying if she wasn’t looking forward to her discharge date for reasons other than just being out of the hospital because she knew then, she and Jay would truly be alone stuck in a hotel room in a city that neither one of them knew.
And that, she knew, would be the true test.
*
On the morning of the third day she’d been in the hospital, Hailey was given the news that she’d be released by that afternoon. If she was physically capable, she’d be jumping for joy but because of the dozen stitches in her side, she’d had to settle for celebrating internally.
Moving was still slow-going and she still felt overly tired far too early in the day, but she was confident that a night in her own bed (or at least the bed she’d been sleeping in for the past several weeks) would do her a world of good.
And she wasn’t going to think about how Jay being potentially next to her would probably make her sleep better than she’d ever had.
She didn’t know exactly where Jay had been disappearing to when he’d left the hospital at night, but she’d given him the key to her hotel room and he always came back looking well-rested so she felt safe assuming he was sleeping in the same queen bed she’d been occupying for the past five weeks.
Hailey wasn’t quite sure what would happen tonight when it was time for him to go to bed, but she wondered if this was the day they were going to finally get it right, nestled under the bed covers, whispering dreams and promises, her side aching but her heart so full.
“Here, let me help you with that,” Her gaze flicked up to Jay who had entered the room and was walking towards her, his hands already reaching out to help her pull on her coat. Hailey looked up at him as he focused his gaze on putting her left arm carefully through the sleeve of her jacket.
She wasn’t sure if a person could have reversed déjà vu, but the action brought her right back to another hospital room in a different city when she was still reeling from the panic she’d felt surrounding Jay’s terrifying brush with death.
When she’d helped him pull his familiar, worn black jacket over his sling right before she almost told him she loved him.
And now here they were again, except this time it was him helping her and this time she knew they weren’t going home without having the conversation they should have had then.
“Thanks,” She murmured softly, trying to ignore the way her heart raced when he briefly squeezed her hand.
Hailey gingerly sat down on the side of the bed, already worn out and sore from the morning’s activities of getting ready to leave.
“I called a taxi. It should be here any minute,” He grabbed her duffle and sat it beside her, “You sign the discharge papers?”
“Yes, thank God,” She muttered accepting the pair of Sperry’s Jay was handing her.
He chuckled softly, “You are so impatient.”
She shot him a look, “I’m sorry. And who was the one practically begging me to spring him from the hospital the minute he was awake and talking?”
He had the wisdom to look sheepish, but he couldn’t hide the wide smile threatening to take over. Clearly, they were both happy to be leaving the hospital room behind.
As Jay busied himself with packing the last few items into the duffle he’d brought Hailey the day he’d arrived in New York, he can’t help but watch her. She’s moving slowly, but she seems pretty alert for someone who got shot and had relatively serious surgery only four days ago.
Her eyes are bright if not tired and her hair is haphazardly thrown up in her signature high pony, but Jay still thinks she’s the most beautiful girl in the world and he almost tells her just that.
His mouth is open, forming the words when she turns to him after sliding on her shoes, catching his gaze with eyes narrowed in suspicion, “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
And he thinks this is why he can never tell her how he feels. She’s always taking the words away with a flash of blue and a dash of blonde because he wants his future to look like her so badly, it terrifies him. And even when he does finally find the words, he knows he will never be able to tell her with words just how much she means to him.
His lips quirk and he shakes his head, turning his attention back to the duffle to zip it up before nodding towards the open door of her hospital room, “No reason. You ready to go?”
For a second, he thinks she’s going to push, and they are going to have the conversation they need to have right here and now, but then she doesn’t and some part of him feels disappointed that they are making themselves wait once again.
He’s not even entirely sure why because nothing is holding them back now. Not really. They are finally both in the same city with no kidnappings, rigged elections or anything else threatening to tear them apart and yet, they are still walking that very fine line of partners and best friends to something openly affectionate and loving and real.
It’s almost too perfect because while he rushed here in a state of panic, not knowing what he would find, Hailey, for the most part was okay and now they were stuck here with basically nothing to do but wait till she could fly without risk of infection or complications from surgery.
He’s not sure if he should be worried, waiting for the other shoe to drop or thrilled that the universe seems to be giving them a hint that it was finally time to take that leap of faith from partners and best friends to something more.
*
“Hailey, you are clearly in pain.”
After the short taxi ride from the hospital, they were finally in the hotel room and now firmly engaged in a battle of wills.
Hailey was currently giving him a glare that reminded him of the way she would silently warn him from across the bullpen to not do something he might regret or when they were down to the last couple of fries during a long stakeout and he was reaching for them.
Generally, he didn’t win the fights when she wore that look but today, he was determined to stand his ground.
“Jay,” It was practically whined and while he understood her reluctance to take the pain meds she’d been prescribed, he couldn’t stand watching her in pain.
In the few times that Hailey’s been injured during their partnership, it hadn’t been too serious, and she usually had a good attitude about doing what she needed to do to recover. So, seeing her like this, pale and tired and just not her normal, spunky self, broke his heart and he wanted to do everything in his power to fix it.
Starting with the meds she’s determined not to take.
He was happy to at least see the trait that was so undeniably Hailey in her eyes because otherwise, she looked like a lifeless shell of the badass detective he knows she is. The oversized pillows she was propped against makes her seem so tiny and she almost blended in with the sheets she was so white.
If he was being honest, she was starting to look worse than she did when she was in the hospital and that definitely concerned him enough to possibly make him take her right back there or at least call Will for his opinion.
Sighing, he uncrosses his arms to move from where he’s been standing a few feet away from the end of the bed holding the prescription bag in a clenched fist.
Her eyes track his movements as he comes to gingerly sit down at the edge of the bed, leaning over on his forearm to look at her closely, “Hailey,” He shakes his head, “Please just take them. At least so you can get some sleep. You look exhausted.”
For a second, he thinks that she’s going to keep fighting him, but then he sees the weak mask she’d had in place slip, the dull look of pain and exhaustion becoming clearly present in her eyes.
“Okay, fine,” She sighs out wearily, and he’s a little surprised that she conceded that quickly even if he knew he’d already won, but then she cocks her head slightly, “What do I get in return?”
Yeah, he didn’t think he’d won that easily.
Jay pushes the flirty and slightly suggestive response that instantly pops into his head to the back of his mind. There would be plenty of time for that later, or at least he desperately hopes so because he knows that now is not the time to start anything of that nature.
When he tells Hailey what she deserves to hear, he wants her feeling halfway decent and looking healthier than she does right now.
If they were in Chicago, he would bribe her with Bartoli’s, but they weren’t. They are in New York and she’s already made it quite clear that the pizza here is a tragedy, so he doesn’t think she’d want that particular food even if he could find a copy-cat deep-dish place.
So, he goes for the next best thing, “What about some Greek? It probably won’t be anything like Greek Islands, but I’m sure I can find a decent place. I could grab you some Pastichio. What do you say?”
The way her eyebrows furrow and her bottom lip sticks out adorably makes him want to kiss the pout away, but he doesn’t.
She shakes her head, “I don’t want Greek.”
Jay bites his lip briefly and refrains from making a comment on the childish tone of her voice as he regards her carefully for a quiet second.
He would never admit it, but he knows he’s a much worse patient when their positions are reversed so he’s more than willing to put up with her stubbornness because he knows it’s just a way to cope with the pain.
And besides, he loves her. He would do whatever he could to make her feel better.
“I’ll get you whatever you want as long as you take your medicine, so why don’t you tell me what it is you’d like to have,” He pushes himself up off his forearm to sit upright, but he still holds her gaze.
She sighs carefully, picking at the covers before answering him, “A Snickers bar.”
Jay raises his brows.
In the years he has known her, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen her eat a candy bar. She could down a piece of chocolate cake at an event, or the random chip bag she’d found during a stakeout, but he doesn’t think he’s ever seen her eat the overly processed candy bar before.
“You like Snickers bars?” He can’t help the slightly disgusted tone of his words.
Hailey’s expression instantly morphs into a defensive one, “A girl can have guilty pleasures, and this just so happens to be mine. Now, you said you’ll get me anything if I take my medicine, so you’re lucky it’s not something like a new gun. Or a car.”
Jay rolls his eyes and Hailey desperately wants to swat him but she’s already in a significant amount of pain so she doesn’t think that would be the wisest decision.
“Relax, I will get you your Snickers bar. I promised, didn’t I?” He smirks a little as he moves off the bed to grab his coat that’s thrown over the back of the desk chair, “I just can’t believe I didn’t know you liked candy bars.”
Shrugging a little, she tries not to wince at the pain that small movement caused her, “I don’t indulge in them much; only when I’m not feeling good or if there’s literally nothing else to eat.”
After gathering up his wallet and phone, Jay stops in the middle of the room to regard her for another moment. He shakes his head, “What else don’t I know about you, Hailey Upton?”
She gives him a little smirk of her own, “Lots of things, I’m sure. I was once told I was aloof about my personal life.”
“And just when I thought I was getting to know the person under that tough exterior,” He feels the smile creep over his face, and he doesn’t care that he probably looks like a man hopelessly in love because he is.
He watches as her own expression softens and for just a moment, their eyes meet. A thousand words of unspoken love pass between them and he can see his entire universe in those captivating, blue orbs just as she can see a million promises in his.
Hailey shifts and winces at the sharp pain it causes her, cursing herself for ruining the moment. Those pain pills she’d tried refusing were looking pretty good right about now as the throbbing intensified around her still tender ribs.
Jay noticed her discomfort. He always does, and she could see the concern so clearly on his face it made her heart swell in love. He’s the most caring man she’s ever met, and it’s one of the things she loves most about him.
“As soon as I get back, you’re taking your meds,” Jay frowns, rubbing his thumb briefly along his hairline before dropping his arm, “I’d give them to you now, but I’m not sure I should leave you alone with narcotics in your system just in case. And besides, you need to take the antibiotics with food, so I’ll pick up something while I’m out.”
She just nods, picking up the remote for the television, “Sounds good. I’ll be here watching whatever trash I can find on TV, so hurry back.”
Jay gives her one last smile that warms her from head to toe before he opens the door and walks out.
*
When Jay walks through the hotel door about an hour later, he has the overwhelming urge to call out a ‘Honey, I’m home’, but he doesn’t want to wake Hailey if she’s sleeping and he’s not sure how she would respond to the term of endearment even if it is said teasingly.
It’s funny how that is the thing he feels would be crossing the practically non-existent line they have towing for the past several days. Or weeks really if he’s honest with himself.
As it turns out, she’s not sleeping but still in very much the same position he’d left her in. The TV was on, a rerun of ‘Happy Days’ playing quietly but she doesn’t seem to be paying much attention. Instead, she’s looking down at the phone in her hand, clearly scrolling through something before glancing up at him.
Her eyebrows rise as she takes in the various Target bags he’s carrying in both hands. Hailey let her phone drop in her lap, more interested in what Jay had bought because all she’d sent him out for were Snickers Bars, “Did you buy the whole store?”
He frowns at her as he finds the bag of take-out Chinese he’d ended up getting for their late lunch-early supper to set on the nightstand, “No, I did not, but I did get real food and,” He holds up the other bags he was carrying, “I got you your Snickers.”
Whatever else he’d bought was forgotten as she beamed up at him, already reaching for the candy bar he was digging for throughout his purchases. When he finally found what he was looking for, he tossed it to her, and she immediately ripped open the wrapper.
He makes a face as she bites into the sugary chocolate, “I still don’t know how you eat that crap.”
She responds with an eyeroll because her mouth was too full to make a witty comeback.
“You could at least wait till you ate actual food first,” Jay arched a disapproving eyebrow, his nose wrinkling as he watched her make an obvious display of enjoying her treat. He shakes his head and deposits the Target bags on the lower end of the bed to pull out the bottles of vitamin water he’d bought for her.
“Here, I got your favorite and a couple of new ones for you to try,” He handed her the blackberry flavored one before retrieving the pill bottles that were sitting on the nightstand beside their bag of food.
He read the instructions on each bottle then opened the oxycodone to dump one out, “Okay, you can have one right now and,” He checked his watch, “One at around seven then another at eleven.”
Hailey frowns, but takes the pill out of his outstretched palm anyway, “I hate the way these make me feel. My head feels fuzzy, and I can’t think clearly.”
Jay gives her a sympathetic smile and offers a simple, “I know” because he does know, but he also knows that if she has any hope of getting rest tonight, she needed to be well medicated.
“Maybe tomorrow we’ll try going all day without pain meds, okay? I just want to make sure you have a good night’s rest tonight since it’s your first night out of the hospital,” He tells her as he shakes out an antibiotic pill and then the iron supplement the doctor had prescribed her with for the next few days to hand to her.
Nodding, she knocks the three pills back and takes a swig of her vitamin water. Meeting his gaze, she reaches out to grab his hand and gives it a tight squeeze, “Thank you, Jay.”
The heavy tension that settles over them is now a familiar one and it’s almost comforting in a way as she tells him with her eyes how grateful she is for him.
After a few moments of silence, she clears her throat and withdraws her hand, turning her attention to the bags of stuff piled on the bed, “So, what’d you get?”
Jay blinks, shaking himself out of the trance they’d just been in as he rifled through the things he’d bought, pulling them out to show Hailey, “Well, I did some research and according to WebMD which was confirmed by my brother, weighted blankets can help with muscle soreness and speed up the recovery process.”
“I also got some ice packs,” He dumps out about a dozen before reaching in yet another bag, “And I picked up some of your favorite movies as well as a couple of pairs of fuzzy socks because I know you didn’t pack any and the hospital socks are terrible.”
The tears that spring to her eyes aren’t unexpected because the fact that he knows and remembers how much she loves wearing fuzzy socks when she’s at home decompressing tells her how much he cares even if he hasn’t really said it out loud yet.
The research, the weighted blanket, the movies, the treats, the socks; it’s slightly overbearing, but it’s sweet and it’s so undeniably him that it makes her heart hurt with the love she has for him.
She gives him a soft smile, “For someone who claims to not know me, he sure does take care of me and brings me all of my favorite things.”
“Well, after four years I would hope to know some things,” Jay smirks at her before moving to put the ice packs in the small fridge/freezer combo they had in the room.
He looks back at her over his shoulder, “But, I somehow missed your Snickers habit and it makes me wonder what else I should probably know, but don’t.”
Rolling her eyes, she watches as Jay moves back over to the bed, going for the food he’d sat on the nightstand.
“You know you’re not exactly an open book,” She points out with a wry smile.
He’s not an open book, it’s true, and even though she’s teasing him about it, she knows him better than anyone. Maybe better than even Will knows him. Maybe better than he even knows himself, and it’s ironic because the way she knows him better than anyone is more so through his actions and not his words.
She knows his heart through his acts of compassion. She knows his mind through his steady emotions. And she knows him because he lets her see the deepest parts of himself, unspoken secrets swimming in his eyes and dark memories whispered over drinks.
She knows the things that matter and the same could be said about the things he knows about her, but now that it’s being brought up, she does wonder if there are any meaningless habits she hasn’t bared witness to.
If her mind goes straight to those of a personal nature such as nighttime routines and shower preferences, then she’d never admit it.
“Well,” He handed her a container of Shrimp Lo Mein, “We’re stuck in this hotel room with basically nothing to do so,” Jay sat down on the bed, facing her with his own container of Chinese, “Let’s play a game.”
Hailey arches a skeptical eyebrow, “A game?”
“Yeah,” Jay nods as he takes a bite of his own Lo Mein, “Like one of those ‘get to know you’ games since we apparently don’t know much about each other.”
She frowns, a little unconvinced at this plan and what it could entail, but she’s curious and the slight woozy feeling she feels from the pain meds makes her ask, “What kind of ‘get to know you’ game? Like truth or dare?”
Smirking, he shakes his head, “No. Although, that could be extremely entertaining.”
“Uh-uh. No way am I drinking a bottle of hot sauce or jumping off the balcony or some other insanely difficult thing that you would think was easy,” She takes a bite of her food, trying to shake back the loose hair that keeps falling into her face, “I just had surgery.”
He’s full-on grinning now, chuckling at her impassioned response, “Nothing like that. I was thinking more along the lines of 21 Questions.”
Hailey tries to take another bite of her food, but her hair gets in the way again. She’s starting to get frustrated at the locks that keep falling into her eyes and mouth, making it hard to eat.
Sticking her chopsticks into the take-out container, she uses the now free hand to push her hair behind her ears as she shrugs, “Alright then. We don’t really have anything better to do other than watch movies and eat takeout anyways.”
The way his eyes sparkle at her answer is worth all the cheesy questions she’s sure he’s going to ask.
He stands up, shoving a used napkin into his now empty takeout container and she’s always amazed at how quickly he can down food when he wants to, “We can alternate asking questions and we don’t have to ask exactly 21 questions. It can be more, or it can be less.”
He throws his trash away and starts cleaning up the bed, moving all of the empty Target bags and the stuff he bought off to one side, “Is there anything off limits?”
She hesitates before saying no, shaking her head because while her natural inclination is to keep everything close to the vest, she knows there is nothing that she wouldn’t share with Jay if he asked her.
He makes her feel safe, and she’s constantly finding herself telling him things that she’d never said out loud before anyway, so she already knows that he will guard her secrets and feelings and thoughts deep in his own heart as if they were his own.
It’s like he knows what she’s thinking because the way he smiles at her is so gentle and the secretive sparkle in his eyes is what tells her that the same goes for him.
“You wanna go first or do you want me to?” Jay cocks his head, looking at her as he tears into the weighted blanket.
“You can go first,” She goes to take another bite of food when her hair falls into her face for what feels like the hundredth time.
She sighs internally, her frustration going unnoticed by Jay who had turned back towards the movies he’d bought, opening each of them as he tells her he has to make this first question a good one.
Pretty quickly after waking up from surgery, Hailey had found putting her hair up in its typical ponytail an almost impossible task because every time she raised her arms to gather her hair up, her stitches would pull, and her ribs protested loudly.
After several failed attempts that left her eyes watering, she ended up having a nurse put it up for her and she continued to ask for it done in the mornings before Jay arrived at the hospital to keep her company.
But now, there was no nurse to gather up her long, annoying hair when it keeps falling in her face and even though she’s stubborn enough to try it, Hailey knows if she pulls on her stitches or possibly breaks one, then she’s going to be paying for it tomorrow all because she wanted to put her hair up herself.
She sighs again, this one audible as she sets her Chinese container on the nightstand, “Jay?”
“Yeah?” He turns to look at her, his brows furrowed in concern.
Hailey bites her lip sheepishly as she snaps the elastic band around her wrist against her skin, “Can you put my hair up?”
He looks surprised for a moment before he smirks at the slight blush dusting her cheeks at having to ask for help with a task this simple, “Of course I can, Hailey.”
She hands him the ponytail holder as he walks over to the side of the bed, “But I will warn you. I’ve never done this before.”
She wants to tease him. Maybe tell him he’d better start practicing now if he ever hopes for a daughter one day, but it feels too on the nose when she wants that daughter to be hers too.
So instead, she smirks at him as he moves behind her to start gathering her hair up in awkward chunks. Hailey glances at him out of the corner of her eye, fake gasping, “Don’t tell me that the brave and noble Detective Jay Halstead, the man who jumps over moving cars and shoots sniper rifles doesn’t know how to put hair up in a ponytail.”
“Oh, shut up,” He grumbles good-naturedly, still trying to smooth her blonde hair into his loosely closed fist on top of her head, “It’s not like I’ve really had the opportunity or need to practice.”
Chuckling, she lets him concentrate on pulling her hair through the elastic and tries not to get lost in the feeling of his fingers in her hair and the warmth radiating off him. Her eyes flutter close and she marvels at how gentle he is even with the strength of his hands, well-conditioned in the act of squeezing a trigger.
And just like when making those shots, the precision in which he does everything is still there as he carefully tightens the elastic, securing her hair into place.
Hot breath hit the back of her now exposed neck and she can’t help but shiver. Before he’s stepping away, she swears she feels his hands brush her skin and she wonders if he’s equally as affected as she was by his closeness.
But before it can turn into anything, he’s smiling and settling back into his spot at the foot of the bed, gesturing to the ponytail he’d just completed, “It’s not as good as you do it, but I think it’ll pass.”
“I’m sure it’s fine, Jay. It’s out of my face and it’s not like anyone will see it,” She grins at him as she picks up her food, intending to finish it off now that her hair won’t get in her way.
Jay frowns teasingly, “Hey, and what about me? Am I not someone?”
She smiles softly in amusement, “You’ve seen me in worse states and you’re not just anyone, you know that. You’re my best friend, Jay,” She hesitates because she knows that’s not strictly true. He is her best friend and he’s her partner but he’s also the man she loves, and it would be so easy to let the truth slip out.
Looking at him, she sees something in his eyes that looks like hope or maybe anticipation and she wonders if he thinks she’s going to tell him the one secrete she just can’t seem to get out. Maybe she would have told him if they sat there for a few seconds longer, but his phone buzzes and the moment is gone before it really even began.
Hailey wonders if phones are going to be their downfall.
She thinks she sees disappointment flash across his face, but she blinks and he’s looking at his phone with a serious expression.
“Is everything okay?” Her brow furrows as she watches him type out a quick response and put the device back into his pocket.
He shakes his head, sighing, “That was Kev. The Latin Players are on the verge of waging war against a new up and coming gang called The Jets.”
Interjecting, Hailey raises a brow, “As in West Side Story?”
“Yep,” Jay lets out a wry chuckle, “Anyway, the team flipped someone on The Jets’ side, and it looks like they are possibly willing to play ball so Kev was asking for some background info on my Latin Player connect because Intelligence is going to attempt to negotiate a truce before it can escalate to a full-blown gang war.”
She groans quietly, all too aware of the potential complications and ramifications that come from this type of violence, “That’s just what the city needs. A gang war.”
He huffs in agreement, dropping his head in disgust and she can see the tension in his shoulders. Even eight-hundred miles away, the crime and the innocent people that inevitably gets tangled up in it affects him.
Hailey frowns, her eyebrows furrowing in concern. She reaches out a hand to lightly touch his bent knee, “Jay.”
He looks up at her and the empathy she sees in his eyes makes her heart swell in what’s becoming a familiar sensation. Love and pride and admiration and respect for this man she has the privilege to know.
Her eyes soften and she smiles gently at him, an earnest look on her face, “If you need to go home, go home Jay. I’ll be alright here by myself. I don’t need you to take care of me.”
If the situation wasn’t so serious, she might have laughed at the way his eyebrows shoot up in surprise, clearly not expecting those words to come out of her mouth.
Recovering, his eyebrows furrow and he shakes his head adamantly, “No way. They can get along without me. I’m not leaving here without you and I don’t care if you think you can take care of yourself because who’s going to help you change your bandages or make you take your medicine or keep you company?”
He challenges in a slightly playful manner, but the eyebrow he raises dares her to contradict him and she knows he is serious, “Besides, I need to be here if I want to keep my own peace of mind. I don’t work well without you, so I’m not sure how much help I’d be anyway.”
She knows that no matter the circumstance, Jay would always perform above and beyond the call of duty, but she also knows that this is his way of telling her that he needs her and the way he was willing to stay with her in New York makes her heart stutter in yet another way.
Before she can dwell on the feeling any further, he’s smiling again, his eyes crinkling with mischief, “Now back to the game. I think I have the perfect question for you.”
Sorry it ended in a bit of an awkward spot, but I decided to split it into two parts when I hit 10,000 words and I still wasn’t done yet lol so I didn’t know this was going to be the ending of a chapter.
I’d love to hear what you thought and stay tuned for part three!
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Hello I really like your hybrid au especially with kirishima
I was wondering if I can request one with kirishima hybrid where reader gets kidnapped because someone from the old ring wants revenge and kirishima is looking for them
Wow, I took some time with this because it was hard to place Kiri in such a situation. I hope I gave it justice. This is not my usual fluff since it's a darker theme, so yeah. Hope it was worth the wait though! Enjoy and tell me if you liked it!! 💕💕
Word count: 4k [ I... I got carried away... and I still feel it's short 💀 ]
Warnings: kidnapping, blood, mentions of abuse, guns, Kiri's past being f'd up, insults [?], hint towards assault;
[ Masterlist ] [ Main Hybrid!Kirishima HCs ]
× this man is all about safety
× asks you to send him a message whenever you arrive safely at home or wherever you're going
× it's super-sweet and really helpful; your well being is everything to him after all
× yet one evening you didn't arrive on time
× no message, nothing
× he was waiting and paying attention to time since he wanted to suggest going out to watch a movie, but you didn't arrive
× one hour later he finds himself frowning at the clock, tapping his foot in wonder
× he sent you a message; the fact that it send but you didn't receive it unsettled him more, to which he decided to call— "The phone you're trying to reach is disconnected or no longer in service."
× did you run out of battery? was that even possible?
× what seals the deal is a DM he receives from a throwaway account on social media he was so active and known on.
× "We've got your little toy. You know where to find us, Red Riot. Come alone or they die." and attached was a pictute of you, on the floor, possibly unconscious, hands tied behind your back.
× a collar was placed by your side; he knew what it was.
× his blood ran cold, a freezing shiver electrified through his spine as he jumped out of the couch, terrorized and more importantly raging mad
× Red Riot: a name he tried to forget; a name people shouted at him in praise as they put bets on his head; a name he's been given as he fought friends and foes; a name that brought back pain and suffering. A name he didn't want to taint his new life with.
× he did not take any time to leave the house in a hurry, his eyes burning with unshed tears.
× Kirishima didn't know where his friends were, so he found himself on his own, outside your apartment complex, taking a deep breath in; he could find you; he had to find you even if it was the last thing he did, yet he had to do it alone.
× he spotted your car in the parking lot— in a blink he was by it's side, just spotting your belongings inside and the car-keys still in
× uncontrollable rage took over him as he still sniffed your scent in the air.
× you've been here and because of him, now you weren't; you're gone; you've been attacked too, the window smashed and blood running down the door
× he sniffed again, noticing how it wasn't your blood— relief didn't come since he did recognize the other scent; his dealer.
× "You fucking mutt!" he growled above the red-haired man chained to the wall, fist closed readied to make impact.
× Kirishima growled lowly, remembering.
× "You fucking made me lose ten fucking grands because you didn't want to finish that fucking beast!" his screams could be heard throughout the hallways.
× He got inside the car.
× "You and your fucking group, you think you're too good to fucking follow MY ORDERS—" a crack could be heard as the punch collided with the hybrid's jaw, yet it did little to no damage to him. Curses followed, making the man almost chuckle, yet chose not to, knowing the damage it would bring. "YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF— I FUCKING BROKE MY HAND, SHIT!" he yanked him by the hair with his other hand, pulling hard. "I'm gonna make you regret the day you were born." And if it weren't for his improvised family, Kirishima would've been regretting that day anyway without his assistance.
× He sped off, fingers whitening on the steering wheel because of his harsh grip. Tears now ran freely on his cheeks with no conscious attempt made to be stopped.
× Only two places haven't been raided by the Hybrid Protection Services came to mind, deemed as abandoned yet for those that knew the insides, the buildings were definitely used mostly as hideouts and for special occasions
× few escaped from being detained by the police, yet word came to him that the bastard, Mawler as he liked to call himself, was caught; it didn't seem to be the case and as he drove, Kirishima could only think he'd make the fucker regret the day he was born; a bitter laugh left his lips, hating himself for a moment. Although the image of a friend came in his mind, imagining him slapping his back in a poor attempt to motivate him. That's what he would say too.
× the self-hatred washed off; for you he'd do anything.
× he rushed to the first location; it used to be a club with an underground arena, in which he himself fought in countless times
× his neck itched as he gritted his teeth; the memory of the electric collar they had to have on while almost killing each other made him want to vomit
× a deep growl left his frame; gutural, dark, menacing; they wanted the Red Riot? it seems they forgot where he really got that name from;
× he only saw blood on the way there.
× he parked not too far but tried to keep a low profile although his big frame didn't help in a stealth situation. Kirishima knew he's in for trouble, but what else could he do?
× —
× you blinked, blinded by the light that shined harshly in your face
× "Would you look at that, fellas? Guess who's wakin' up?" you had no time to panic, just flashes of the quick encounter just by your house appearing in your mind as a boot collided with your stomach, making you wince in pain
× What was going on? What the hell happened?
× "Aww, don't make that face..." someone mocked. "Save it for when Red Riot comes along, baby." he whispered harshly at you, venom in his voice.
× you muttered "—Riot?" in daze, placing your knees as close to your chest for protection; your head hurt badly, a throbbing pain coming from the back of it.
× laughed echoed around you; "He didn't fucking tell you? How much of a fucking BEAST he was?!"; other voices joined in... two more voices, but you couldn't be sure
× memories came back at you; how you were arriving late but decided to not send any message since you were driving; parking, gathering your stuff, the sound of crystal breaking—
× but nothing else;
× "You don't fucking know what your piece of shit of a mutt even did before acting like a perfect little boyfriend, didn't ya?" the same venom filled voice came closer to you, giving you the chance to finally see his ugly scowl and to imprint his stupidly face in your mind;
× were they talking about Kirishima? Your Kirishima? He never really got into detail about his previous life yet made it clear he was forced to fight for the entertainment of others— did they fucking think he had a choice?
× yet you remained silent; it seems Kiri knew you'd be there and your concussion didn't really help you to think straight and form any plan;
× something could be heard outside, a crash of some sort and everyone stood still for a good second.
× "He—... He's here already?" one of them whispered. A clicking made you freeze. You snapped your head up in terror, only knowing that sound from movies, a sound so scary you really didn't think you'd hear it in real life; guns.
× "I fucking send that message 20 minutes ago..." Ugly Scowl said, taken back in surprise. His eyes, dark and void of goodness snapped on you, an unsure smile painting over him. "I wanted to have some fun with ya."
× your body couldn't control the shiver that ran through it, from head to toes, and he noticed, turning his uncertain smile into a sadistic one; your face was probably a dead giveaway too.
× but Eijirou was there and deep down you knew there was nothing to fear; except for the guns.
× the red-head wasn't dumb, he knew this world a million times better than you, so he must've known; with a flood of nervousness piling up in your stomach, you blinked the stinging feeling in your eyes away and hoped for the best.
× "Go check that fucking sound, retards!" he then screamed, two sets of footsteps rushing at his orders; it seemed he was the "boss" of whatever the hell this small group of pieces of shit was and hated your boyfriend's guts.
× should you talk? should you not? what's the best possible outcome out of this?
× your wrists stung, locked harshly with what felt like a rope; in a poor attempt to move your fingers to feel if you could, in an ideal world, free your hands, the man caught your movements instantly; he yanked you by the neck, lifting you off the ground with no difficulty and that's when you noticed he was strong, muscular, big; his frame wasn't as massive as Eijirou's by any chance but massive enough to make you reconsider any attempt to escape. "Don't even fucking think about it, dear."
× his breath, foul and heavy, hit your face and you almost gagged; he was watching you, observing your face in search of something. Through a nod he hummed at himself.
× "Not bad, Riot." his nose hit your cheek as he breathed you in and a whimper left you, guts screaming danger; he snickered. "It's okay, I like them when they cry." he mocked your tears in a heavy whisper, which you didn't notice until he pointed them out.
× a snap could be heard from inside the building, possibly on the floor above; were you underground?
× the disgusting man by your side lifted himself up, throwing you on the floor like garbage. He lifted his gun and narrowed his eyes towards the stairs.
× "Be good and maybe I'll keep you for myself after I hunt your mutt down." he said between gritted teeth. You just started praying for the man you loved, still trying to figure out a way to at least hide before this scum used you as a threat more than he did already.
× —
× Kirishima watched them from the shadows; his breath was heavy yet silent, his enhanced vision saw the two low-life mobs he sometimes noticed following Mawler whenever he went; he took in consideration their stance; of course they'd bring weapons—
× his mind drifted to one of his trainers, EraserHead, and on the few moments of aloofness he let himself have around the younger ones put in his charge; "Humans are easily fooled—" he'd grin lazily. "And very easy to scare."
× with determination like he's never had before, he grabbed a rock; if he had to reach you, he'd have to do the only thing he was never good at: being stealthy.
× he rushed to the left of the back entrance, hidden behind a beaten up car as he threw the small rock in the opposite direction and in any other situation he'd find himself amused, EraserHead's words on replay in his mind. One of the guys almost jumped in place at the sound, gun fastly jerked into its general direction with trembling hands.
× with no second to spare, he entered the building, his speed impressive—
× no sound was made, but what helped him greatly was that one of them started talking into the nothingness; "We know you're there, you bastard!"
× the other one was now searching inside the building, yet his head turned towards his companion outside; sadly for the poor idiot, it only took a punch in the jaw to immobilize him and knock him out entirely. He took the guns from the now unconscious body and put them in his belt and pocket, yet had no intention to use any.
× the second one left outside was still talking a whole monologue, making the man sweat drop; was this Mawler's plan? he wasn't known to use his brain much...
× yet he wasn't as easy to take down as Kirishima wanted it to be; he turned around, probably uneased by the lack of response of his partner, suspicious and more on the edge; he could feel it, his nervousness, his fear; another bitter grin appeared on Eijirou's features.
× "Jackal?" his voice hid fear behind it.
× they definitely knew the damage he could do and the hybrid was glad they did, wanting them to be terrified, his predator instincts washing over.
× he jumped on him, kicking the pistol out of his hands in a heartbeat and making him stumble backwards, losing his balance; it happened in a blurr, old feeling of being in the ring, fist to fist, tail low and ready to pounce. He was in his element once again and God, he hated himself when he let go of all the pain and broke his arm, the sweet image of your smiling face as you burried yourself into the same arms he hurt people with always in the back of his mind.
× before he could realize, the other woke up from the knockout; he heard rushed steps towards him and a snapping sound. The blabbering idiot was on the ground now, breathing but beaten to a pulp and everything stood still for a good second.
× he got hit? in the back of his head? With just one glance he saw a broken wooden plank and blinked stupidly; did he seriously think—?
× Kirishima grinned and in an instant he grabbed Jackal's head and smashed it into his knee.
× —
× you could hear his steps; you knew it was him; heavy yet trying to conceal them poorly; your man was walking around the floor above and you sniffled your nose at the thought.
× he was absolutely massive and nothing about him was silent; gentle, yes, but silent? laughable. Even in this horrendous situation you closed your eyes lovingly at the thought. He's here.
× "Those damned fucking useless pieces of shit—" Oh, yeah. Him.
× the barrel was suddently pointed at your head and any thoughts you had abandoned your brain completely
× utter terror overwashed your senses in every way as you stared at it with wide eyes
× "Let's see if he fucking likes this—"
× —
× the only way down for the public was the stairway; not even those useless guards knew the hidden entrance his friends and him used once; they had to come back though, the guilt and knowledge that if they're found to be gone would make Mawler execute everyone else.
× a low window painted black that led to a storage room behind the filthy bathrooms and the place they'd be kept in cages; he ran on the first floor, approaching the stairs before jumping on the dusty metal bar, now completely silent and praying his poor attempt at a bait worked.
× in no time he was outside again and in even less of a second he found himself by said window leading to the underground arena.
× —
× "Maybe if I hurt you a little bit, he'll come to his senses." He grinned, gun's safety lever clicked, now pointed at your stomach.
× you saw your vision blurr and you really, really wanted to say something but didn't know what to; your lips trembled and you bit them in the hopes of showing at least some courage before getting shot but you couldn't help closing your eyes.
× the sound was so loud; an obnoxiously loud bang shook the room or maybe just shook you to the core, then warmth engulfed you wholly.
× it gripped into you so strongly yet no damage came; "I got you, baby." came as a whisper in your ear and just as you snapped your eyes to see his red, sweet, gorgeous red eyes look at you tenderly, he was gone.
× nothing was said; just a rush of screams and silence; your kidnapper tried to shoot again or so you saw but he was jumped on instantly; that's when you noticed Eijirou was growling like a wild animal and was covered with blood.
× he was like a hurricane, like a bulldozer, like an unstoppable force that destroyed with no mercy; covered in red and splatters due to his constant attacks just painted him with more of it;
× you were looking at Red Riot and your stomach dropped; this is what he was made to be and you cried when he did not stop beating the man underneath him.
× "Baby, stop—" you'd whisper, really trying to get up and barely making it to stay in a seating position, kinda desperate; and he indeed stopped at your plea, froze actually.
× the poor devil under him was groaning, gargling whatevers but it didn't matter; he was looking at you, shocked and you could see the fear in his eyes...
× was it bad that it didn't matter to you? as long as he didn't kill them, as long as justice got to them and furthermore kept Kirishima by your side forever, it didn't matter to you; it was instant, that thought.
× but as he stood there frozen, taking in your nerves and sudden relief, your crying face filled with worry; you took him in too... how his back was getting soaked in blood, running through his shirt down, and down, leaking...
× he got shot for you;
× "Please, leave him, help me and—" he turned a little, ashamed yet mute.
× like a scolded child, unsure; he was bleeding but he was scared of you; he had a hole in his back but he was hurting for your reaction.
× you sniffled again, getting on your knees, pain striking in your stomach but ignoring it; "Eijirou, come to me, please."
× and he did, all so gracefully, so fast and without a single wince; as if he knew pain more than he should've.
× your hands were instantly freed
× his silence killed you inside, it really did. This man, this amazing creature that beamed like the brightest star in the sky was now somber, dull...
× your phone was thrown on the floor as they tampered with it and you rushed, with trembling hands and uncertainty at his attitude to call the police; he was still to say anything, just staying on his knees in front of you, head low and teary eyes.
× he just muttered the location when they asked you about it but that's it; the operator asked questions yet you didn't care to answer them, just saying you need an ambulance too before closing the call to crawl towards him, taking his torso into your arms careful not to touch the wound on his back.
× he then cried harder into your neck, almost falling into your embrace, accepting it but his hands didn't move to touch you, laying unmoving on his sides.
× "I'm so—" he hiccuped. "I'm so sorry, [Y/N]." His frame was shaking more and more;
× "I love you, Eijirou." It's all you could say. Really, your brain just screamed for you to tell him that, as if you felt it's what he needed to hear the most.
× guilty; blaming himself; putting himself down;
× he shuddered into you as your hands, tired and sore, reached for his sweat soaked hair to stroke it gently.
× "You came for me. You saved me. Thank yo—"
× "Don't! It's all my fault—" his voice broke for a second, hands turning into fists and the only thing grounding him was your scent invading his nostrils. "You're hurt because of me..."
× you cried with him too, gluing his head more into you, peppering his face with shaky butterfly kisses.
× "It's not your fault, it was never your fault, Eijirou." you shook in place as you reassured him. Word by word, sentence by sentence, you let him know he's just as much of a victim being chased by his past, a past he was forced to have; he came for you, he rushed to save you, he took a bullet for you and yet again, he acted like it was nothing, as if the pain of putting you in danger was greater than any damage he could take.
× his hands encircled you and for the first time since you saw him after waking up to this nightmare, he winced in pain but did not let you go. Instead, he pressed your body into his, fearing you'd dissapear.
× you asked him if you should cover the wound, not really knowing what to do for now; you'd have time to talk, you'd have time to reassure him again and again and again, but now you had to make sure he was fine.
× he shook his head, feeling his nose tickle your neck in the process; "Leave it, I've taken worse." And with that statement you cried harder.
× the police sirens could be heard in the distance, accompanied by the ambulance one...
× —
× so much time passed; so many hours without sleep; police station, explanations, Kirishima almost getting arrested in the spot and being incarcerated, hospital, lawyers, more questioning...
× everything was explained, everything kinda settled for the never-ending day, knowing it wouldn't be the last time you'd have to visit said police station, already sure you'd follow Kirishima there without hesitancy to make sure he's treated correctly, but for now... home.
× the bullet didn't reach any vital organ even if he was hit square in the back and for a normal human it would've meant a hit in one of the lungs, but not for a hybrid—
× still, it didn't hurt less to see him in that state;
× your car was sealed and taken away as evidence, so a taxi home was your only way there.
× hands locked and much, so much to talk about ahead of you but one thing sure
× "I love you." You squeezed his hand, catching his attention, loving how his lips curled in a small smile, not as bright as usual, but still, his smile.
× "I love you more." Was his usual response yet this time it was shy, not looking into your eyes but somewhere behind you, out the window. You frowned and shook his hand to catch the attention fully.
× "No. You don't seem to get it." You led his big, strong, scarred hand to your lips, kissing the back of it softly. "I love you, Kirishima Eijirou. So much."
× the car ride was silent as he took in your words and you couldn't help but enjoy the way his eyes widened, now having his full attention as his cheeks reddened slightly, knowing he's been caught putting himself down.
× he let out a breathless chuckle, so small but with it his shoulders fell in relief. He nodded, watching his hand holding yours and gulped, your words repeating in a loop in his mind.
× Eijirou was so easy to read, so transparent and honest and it warmed heart to ser him accept your words, words you've said countless times before this incident and without a doubt in the future until they engraved permanently in his heart.
× he chuckled again at your expression, catching your gaze and holding it until a smile broke on his face, this time big and warm, just like him. The smile you wanted to see all along.
× he cried again through it, passing his free palm over his eyes for a second; "You're my everything, [Y/N]." he'd pull you into his chest, inhaling your scent. "I love you." he squeezed you close.
#kirishima eijirou x reader#kirishima x reader#hybrid!kirishima#hybrid!au#noire writes#kirishima headcanons
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The Rise and Fall of the Shepard Family Finale Part 2: Fall 1085
Part 1& Part 2
Part 3 & Part 4
Part 5 & Part 6 & Part 7
Part 8 & Part 9 & Part 10
Part 11 & Part 12 & Part 13
Part 14 & Part 15 & Part 16
Part 17 & Part 18 & Part 19
Part 20 & Part 21 & Part 22
Part 23 & Part 24 & Part 25
Part 26 & Part 27 & Part 28
Part 29 Finale Part 1
“Llywelyn? His name is Llywelyn?” Frances was incredibly confused. “Where did you get these letters?”
“Under the bed. Morwena found them while she was cleaning. Please continue.”
Llywelyn & Algarda
According to the seven letters stashed away in the box, they had both been very young and had met while Llywelyn had served as a mercenary soldier under Aélgarda’s father, a Saxon Ealdorman that had died by the hand of the bastard King in 1067. Both of them had been in their prime and Aélgarda was considered something of a ginger-haired beauty. There were expectations that she would make a grand marriage.
Gwendolyn had heard her father talk about his time fighting for the Saxons before. Her mother had also said that her father had been a fine soldier. He was well respected and handsome, dangerous with a sword, and had a promising career ahead of him.
They had danced together during several feasts at her father’s estate in Chester, and eventually became clandestine lovers. They knew her father would never allow such a match to take place, as there had already been a match made for Aélgarda by the time they met. But the man in question was never mentioned again after the second letter.
They continued their affair for a little over two years, but he was gone most of the time. He eventually got her with child.
Shortly after, he had been sent up north to fight off Norse raiders, and he promised to come back for her and marry her as soon as he was able. Sometime after his departure she wrote that she had suffered a miscarriage, and after six months, he still had not returned. There were no more letters after that.
After they had read them all, and then read them again, they both took some time to digest what had been written. There seemed to be more questions than answers within each letter. Had Llywelyn followed Aélgarda, even though they were both already married? Was Frédérique the daughter of Llywelyn? Had they continued their affair after Gwendolyn’s mother had died? Together, Frances and Gwendolyn tried their best to sort out the pieces of the puzzle and make them fit into a kind of timeline that might give them answers.
“My father talked about his days in Chester on more than one occasion. Is it near Wales?”
“Yes. It’s near the border of Whales, west of here.”
“So, the man in the letters must be my father. Although my father couldn’t read, so how could he have read these? A third person would have had to have been involved, and they would have needed to be very discreet. That’s quite a risk to take!”
“I agree. Yet it happens all the time, you’d be surprised at how many Nobles can’t read. And yet, I would have taken the same risk if I knew I would not see you for months at a time.”
Frances knew that in 1066 Aélgarda ran off to marry Marcelle and gave birth to Frédérique the same year, which was when Gwendolyn had also been born. They journeyed to the Humber River in 1070 from Rotherham, a small market town. Frances had only been two and Gwendolyn four. Unlike Frances, Gwendolyn remembered the journey to Grimsby, and she remembered what had come after.
“It could not have been mere coincidence that your family arrived here around the same time, and in the same location, as my family. Especially considering how long of a journey it is,” he said.
They both wondered on what grounds Llywelyn had sought her out. Was it because they wanted to be together, or had he been looking for employment? Most of the great men Llywelyn had served were already dead or had had their lands seized by the crown. So it was a real possibility that he sought her out for protection, especially since she had married a Norman man.
“He needed work. I remember we had to sell one of his beloved swords just to have enough to eat. It was a desperate time.”
The other possibility was that he knew Frédérique was his daughter and wanted to be near her. Frédérique had invited Gwendolyn to their estate several times, and each time Llywelyn had accompanied her. He could have watched her from afar, and that might have been enough for him.
“That would explain my father’s behavior. He must have thought that Frédérique was not his child, regardless of what the truth really is. Since he knew of your father’s indiscretions with Olric’s wife, he must have also questioned my brother’s parentage as well! I can’t imagine how it must have plagued his mind! The proof is in his treatment of them and their piteous inheritance.”
“Of course! And it completely explains his treatment of me, although it does also speak to his vengeful character. Now I understand why he sent us away, we were reminders of my father. Your mother wanted to protect us, for my father’s sake! ”
He nodded, remembering everything that had happened with a tinge of shame.
He could see Gwendolyn’s mind racing now, and Frances knew he would have to tell her everything that had happened the night his father had broken off their engagement. It was something he had not gotten around to doing, mostly because he had wanted them to forget. He took a deep breath.
“I fear I have not told you everything that my father said the night he cut off our engagement. But let me tell you now. According to him, she actually wanted us to marry and had pushed it from nearly the moment you arrived here.”
“What?!”
He then relayed everything that had occurred that night in it’s entirety. How his mother long considered Llywelyn an honorable man due to his serving the Welsh king. How she had not only preferred for him a match with Gwendolyn over the Merchants, but that she had actually helped to arrange it. He told her of his anger and how he had camped out under the stars, which had been the reason why he never got a chance to say goodbye.
“For a long time I didn’t think about what he meant, because I had been too angry. But then I realized she had arranged for us to walk together, alone. Do you remember all those times she said she was too busy to come with us?” Gwendolyn nodded. “Well, she knew I already liked you, and wanted you to break off the match with Oswald and marry me instead. She must have figured that time alone together would make us fall in love.”
“That is why they sent him away! According to Frédérique, he came to visit me twice, and both times he had been sent away. Did you know that?”
“No. But it hardly surprises me. For his part, I know my father initially agreed because you had a good dowry, you were an heiress of a rather small fortune. But after he had already helped himself to it, he must have gotten ahold of the letters and used them to further justify his cause. Or, he read the letters and then spent your dowry. I’m not sure which.”
Gwendolyn’s eyes bulged at this information, and she had to sit down. It was an incredible story, and one that she would not have believed if she had not have seen it unfold with her own eyes.
“So, I have been groomed me for the position of being your wife! Why did you not tell me of this before?!”
Frances shrugged. “It is a painful memory to speak of, and I didn’t want to stir up fresh anguish for you. You’ve suffered enough already. What good would have come of it?” Gwendolyn acknowledged there was merit in his reason, but chided him for not giving her the choice of knowing.
“You’re right. I should have told you when I first found you. I’m sorry.” But her mind was racing again and she hardly heard what he had said.
“He must have discovered the letters after Aélgarda’s death, as there can be no other explanation. She must have hidden them away somewhere and he, or someone else, discovered them. He refused our marriage and sent me away to get back at them both, even after they were dead!”
“Yes, he was petty and vengeful. What I want to know is what on earth made her keep them? That I cannot understand! Did your father return them? Or did she somehow get them back after he died? Maybe Llywelyn had them and my father got them after he sold your property. Have you ever seen this box before?”
“No, never. It’s too fine a box to have escaped my notice. If he did have them, he certainly would not have put them in that box. In fact, I do not recall her ever visiting us when my father was alive either. Only Marcelle came to collect rents and sup with us. He and my father used to talk business. He used to bring us cherries.”
Neither one of them spoke for some time, as they were busy going over the facts in their own heads. They both agreed that had Marcelle known then about the letters, he would not have been so kind. Although Frances didn’t agree with his father’s ways, he could at least understand him a bit better.
“He never was unfaithful to my Mother that any of us knew about, so it must have shattered him to read these letters. He had once loved her very much... as much as a man like my father can love anyone. I do not believe that any of my siblings were sired by Llywelyn- not even Frédérique. We look too much alike, and I see nothing of you in her face. Now that I think of it, you were born the same year as Frédérique, so Llywelyn would have had to have been a very busy man for all that to have happened in only a year! And it means my mother would have had to lie about losing her baby. Yet if she loved him, why would she do that? It’s quite clear from the letters that she loved him very much.”
“Unless she thought she would never see him again. She may have lied in order to marry your Father, whom had come from a noble family. Perhaps she figured that she would be better off with a well connected Norman than a poor Welsh solider. She could have been forced to do it for the greater good, to protect your sister.”
“I doubt it. But it is possible.....” a look of worry crossed his face, and then hint of anger.
In the end they both agreed that no good could possibly come from keeping the letters, as it called into question the parentage of too many. It also painted three of their four parents in a very unfavorable light.
The facts were there. Aélgarda had been lovers with not one, but two men while engaged to someone else of her father’s choosing. Llywelyn had been a seducer of women and clearly had no respect for the marital status of others. Marcelle had been a miser and a thief who sought revenge on helpless children, even children that were most likely his own.
Frances lifted the parchment to the fireplace and stared at the contents. It angered him to know that such small things had caused so much anguish to him, and his wife especially.
“Let them burn,” he sneered, as he tossed one of the letters into the fire. “I know the truth. I know what a good wife she was to him, and what she meant to us, and that’s really all that matters. She was no whore, and I won’t have anyone speak of her that way, ever!”
“Let us burn them all,” Gwendolyn said.
When the house was quiet and still, they made their way downstairs and watched as the fire flickered while hungrily devouring the remaining letters. It went unspoken, but they each understood they would tell no one of them.
“Are you ashamed of our parents?” He asked her while he watched the bright orange light reflected in her eyes. It was one of those rare moments that he really had no idea what she was thinking. He pulled up chairs for them both so they could sit awhile without being heard.
“Yes....and no. In some ways I am shocked, but in others, I feel relieved to know the answers now. Your father’s behavior towards myself had always weighed on me, because I blamed myself. Now I know it was because of nothing I did, but because of what I represented. He used my father’s status as an excuse, but it was really not the reason.” She pinched the corners of her mouth, then turned back to the fire.
“Yet the feeling that seems to make the biggest impression on me, is one of their love. Despite everything, I’m glad they had been lovers, and I’m happy that she still held my father in high regard even after his death. She wanted to honor him by honoring his children, and for that, I will always honor her.” Her heart felt easier now, and she almost found the situation humorous. Almost.
They treaded up the stairs to their chambers. It had been a long, exhausting evening.
Gwendolyn chuckled to herself. “What I really want to know is, who was the man she was originally engaged to? He must have been quite awful for her to have chosen a mercenary soldier and a Norman over a match her father preferred! The poor fellow. I feel a bit bad for him.”
Frances was more wistful. He didn’t like talking about his family, as there was so much he didn’t know, and so much to resent. Would they have survived if they had allied with the King or a powerful Norman family such as his father’s? What would it take for the King to stop his sheer brutality to the Saxon people? By the time his reign was over, would there be anything left of their language, or laws, or culture?
“Perhaps he died before anything ever came of it. The Saxons paid a heavy price to the Danes with many lives, even before the King conquered these lands. And after, all of the men on her side were completely wiped away, as if they had never existed at all. Their fortunes, that had taken decades to build, were the first thing to go. Her family was one of the wealthiest and most powerful, and now there is nothing but dust. Sometimes I wonder that I was born at all. It truly seems a miracle.”
She sensed his sadness and caressed his cheek, then embraced him.
“It is a miracle. You’re a testament to the power of love amid war. Whatever happens in the world, love always seems to have a way of burning bright, sometimes even against all odds.” He smiled at her words because they were wise beyond her years, and they were true. He thought of his mother then, and how it was love that had driven and guided her throughout most of her life.
She had gotten her wish.
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I haven't read ACOSF yet, and tbh I'm rather rusty with the characters but it was really interesting to read your opinion on Elain! I feel there's a lot of complexity to her. And how she presents herself as well because as you said we literally have no chapters from hers or Lucien's POV and I think that's the important point to note because right now we're all just guessing and assuming her to be like Feyre, but she's not. People deal/show their traumas in different way and l think people expect Elain to deal with it as Feyre did. But, Feyres trauma and Elains are very different!
I don't really know what I'm saying. But I read your answer and it made me go 'oh... Huh!' in a good way, it sparked my curiosity! So thank you! But I think Elain perhaps is the most complex person with their trauma. I know people say 'oh Nesta is so different' but (I specialised in drama therapy so I love psycho analysis) and what Nesta did is self destructive to prevent relationships to avoid hurt or more emotions that she doesn't want to acknowledge (in my opinion!)
Elain just shuts down. She doesn't drink, she doesn't screw, she just remains in her garden which in itself says a lot! That's a very grounding way to handle trauma and not a lot of people are aware of that side!
So yeah I don't know what I'm saying but I think it's a really interesting discussion!
I have so many thoughts about Elain! This took me a few days to get to because i knew I had a crapton of thoughts. So this is basically me using this ask to explain the way I see Elain post-acosf!
There are three important scenes in acosf off the top of my head: when Elain talks with Nesta and they fight, and then with Nesta and Feyre and she gets mad and leaves, and then Feyre and Rhys talk about her in their chapter. We’re getting a lot more information about her, and for me, it wasn’t so much about who she is, but why we don’t know who she is.
So far, what we’ve had is Feyre’s and Nesta’s POV. Even when Feyre and Lucien tried to help her in acowar, they were unable. So we’ve never had anything about Elain from someone who didn’t grow up with her and experience the same trauma (such as becoming destitute, their mother’s death, their father being beaten, the Cauldron, etc.)
The sisters do handle it very, very differently. And I think that at this point the fandom consensus is that Elain runs away from her problems, but I actually disagree, and partly because of what you mentioned - that she isn’t using those self-harming, destructive coping mechanisms. Nesta was avoiding her problems, hardcore. It’s absolutely possible that Elain avoids things, but I don’t think that she just runs from all of her problems because:
Elain grieves her father. Openly. She tries to accept the fact that it wasn’t her fault and that she couldn’t do anything about it. (See: her going to his grave in acofas, her first talk with Nesta in acosf.) Elain does not run from her grief, she doesn’t pretend it doesn’t exist, and she doesn’t hide it from others. As one of the most defining events we’ve seen her go through in the series, that’s a pretty big deal.
Elain does not cling to unhealthy coping mechanisms. There could be ways that she does this that we are unaware of. She does seem like the type who would be really, really good at making people think she’s okay, all while she’s silently imploding. But we don’t know that yet?
Elain does not isolate herself.
However, Elain definitely needs to deal with some stuff! She definitely needs to deal with Lucien, and she needs to have an actual talk with Nesta because I don’t remember a single satisfying resolution between those two in acosf. Not like Nesta had with Feyre.
I have this idea that is purely based on Elain’s line in acosf:
“I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow, all you think of is what my trauma did to you.” (pg. 233)
And then Feyre tells Nesta that yes, Elain was right.
This is so so so sossosososos important. I cannot emphasize it enough. Elain is used to putting on a fake, smiling face because she doesn’t want the weight of her sisters’ concern. She has been pretending to cope for so long - and tbf, she seems to have been doing better than Nesta - that people not only forget that she has suffered, but she doesn’t feel like she can even express that suffering.
Emotional labor often means negating one’s own feelings in order to acknowledge or tend to someone else’s. And that is Elain’s major role, in the series. Feyre has been caring for everyone’s physical wellbeing (hunting), while Elain’s role has been to care for everyone’s emotional wellbeing. But, like with most emotional labor, it has gone unnoticed.
I’ve made posts about emotional labor in the past (four years ago!!!!) but I’m gonna spare you the link because a lot of it was about a ship that’s no longer a ship, so here is the relevant content:
What I am talking about is the regulation of emotion - any time that you give comfort, are especially attentive to someone’s needs, stop thinking about how you feel in order to focus on how someone else feels, try to cheer someone up, make sure that they are taking care of themselves, try to allay their insecurities, etc. Basically, helping them with any sort of emotional distress.
You know those posts you’ve seen, about women protecting men’s egos constantly? Or about making time for self-care? Or about recognizing toxic relationships? That tell you “if X is being demanded of you in a relationship, get out”? Those are ALL about emotional labor, broadly speaking. They are warning you not to do more than you can handle, more than you need to do, because it can be harmful to you.
If you have ever been expected to make a person or people feel better any time you are around each other (including when they are angry, upset, anxious, ill, frustrated, insecure, etc.), you have performed emotional labor. Pretty much everyone has done this at some point, unless you are a completely insensitive jerk.
Notice, though, that I said expected to and any time you are around them – this is where the problem comes in for YOU. This is not about just being there for a friend.
Making loved ones feel better is fantastic. Seeing people be polite and kind to one another makes my heart shine. That is not a problem in and of itself. That can be seen as emotional labor, but there are no requirements on you in those circumstances. This is something you are doing of your own free will.
The problem, again, is when this is expected, constantly, over time. Now, in my experience, the expectation is not necessarily coming from the other person. One of the problems with this type of labor is that not only do others expect women to perform these tasks, but women expect it of themselves.
It’s super easy to see this – who is expected to take care of a child when they fall? Who is expected to baby-sit? Who did you want when you were sick as a child, mom or dad? Who is expected to be sensitive and pay attention to others’ emotions?
For more info on this idea specifically, read Of Woman Born by Adrienne Rich. As a woman, I realized how much work I had been performing and how much it was harming me and I just… got real upset. She comes at this mostly from what a woman’s role is expected to be within the family, and might actually be a bit outdated in that respect because I feel like family structures and dynamics are shifting (that is a totally un-academic evaluation of the situation, don’t quote me on that), but still, it’s really informative.
While I was doing some research for this post I came across a peer-reviewed article about nursing and basically, high amounts of emotional labor led to anxiety and burn-out in those performing it. It literally will cost your mental health – not to mention your time, energy, attention, and it often requires you to ignore your own needs (this last part came from me, not the article). On the other hand, high levels of emotional intelligence (being able to recognize your own and others’ emotional states) meant less emotional labor (and therefore less anxiety & burn-out). One of the most important things to realize is that while you are taking care of someone else’s emotional needs, your own are frequently unmet. That is why it’s important to recognize this in yourself, not just in these characters.
So where does Elain fit in? Elain is the #1 emotional labor provider of the family, and she is about to freaking SNAP. I know, because once I realized how my trauma was hidden in order to spare someone else its consequences, I fucking SNAPPEd. I’ll also spare you the personal details, but Elain hasn’t been “okay”. She hasn’t been “boring”, or “nice”, or “chosen” Feyre over Nesta. She has literally been unable to express herself because (and I am NOT blaming Nesta or Feyre or her father one bit) her family’s emotional state has been so fragile, there hasn’t been room for Elain to feel or express her emotions in years.
In the feysand short, Rhys says:
I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she’d disappoint you all.
And that completely tracks. Everyone has gotten used to Elain being not just “nice”, but being the emotionally predictable one. The one they know they can go to for a smile. The one they can count on for never, ever making them realize that she has been through Some Shit Too. And being that person is exhausting.
When Feyre thinks about Elain not using Lucien’s gloves, 1) she still has them, otherwise she couldn’t think about Elain not using them, and 2) I like to see the gloves as something that she will come to use, once she realizes that she can feel and express those emotions without it causing a breakdown in the family. Right now, she just wants to feel. And she can’t do that emotionally, so she’s doing it physically. Once she heals and finds a better balance, she won’t need to resort to physical pain. (Which, lowkey has me thinking some other thoughts, but.... maybe later.) But anyway, once Elain does go through her very own special journey, I fully expect her to welcome those gloves. She won’t need physical pain to feel anymore.
Not to mention my completely unacademic and non-professional opinion that people will judge a nice women harshly for being rude once, but accept a woman with a history of rudeness for just “being that way”. It’s another way that Elain may feel trapped in her “nice girl” persona. I think she started out that way - kindness and light and generosity is 100% in Elain’s character in the first place. It’s not as if she went into the Court of Nightmares and suddenly Cassian thought, “wait, she fits right in to this shithole of depravity”. No, he still thought the literal opposite. It’s just that once people get used to you doing all their emotional labor, they will continue to take advantage of it, even if they don’t realize its cost.
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Interview with Half Shy (the songwriter of “Monster”)
For the last few months, I’ve been collecting information for a second edition of Exploring the Land of Ooo that will also cover the production of Distant Lands. This means that I’ve started to look into the new songs that we have been graced with this year, and this of course includes “Monster,” the beautiful track from the masterpiece that is “Obsidian”. And so I reached out to the song’s writer, Half Shy, who was kind enough to chat with me via email about the songwriting process!
(Photo courtesy of Half Shy)
In many ways, Half Shy is living the creative Adventure Time fan’s dream: She got asked by Adam Muto himself to write a song for “Obsidian” after he heard her music through Bandcamp! (I’ve dabbled in fan music before, and the fact that someone from the show might listen to it just blows my mind.) What an opportunity; I am so excited for her!
Since a second edition of my book won’t be coming out until after all the Distant Lands episodes air, I thought it would be best to share my Half Shy interview now. Read on for the fascinating behind the scenes story of how Half Shy and “Monster” came to be..
GunterFan: What is your origin story? How did you get involved in music, and how did the Half Shy project come to be?
Half Shy: I’ve been making music pretty quietly since I was in high school with a keyboard and guitar. I played one or two shows a year after college when I could find a friend or my brother to get up on stage with me, but I don’t really have that performer gene in me naturally. I get too much in my head and forget what the lyrics are to the song I wrote, or what the next chord is. Total brain freeze. So that whole experience is a bit of a mental drain. It’s something I think I’d like to dig into and figure out, but right now I’m really enjoying the time writing.
Even playing a song for my friends I still get pretty nervous. That’s where the name Half Shy comes from. I’ve always been interested in making things that by their nature draw a bit of a spotlight, but at the same time, I am just really quite nervous about the attention.
I recorded my first songs under my old name Hey V Kay in my bedroom and started putting them up online one at a time. When I got enough I thought about packaging it up into an album, but then got really distracted by learning how to fix up motorcycles and going to automotive tech school. When I eventually got back around to it I named the album Gut Wrenching.
After a few years I realized that I didn’t want the day-in-day-out life of a mechanic, I just wanted to know how to fix cars for myself and to have that knowledge in my back pocket. I got back into making music but grew frustrated at the process of writing and recording songs. I felt like I wasn’t able to capture the ideas I had in my head. Like trying to draw on your computer with a mouse. Doable, but it’s not going to come out like you’d hoped.
So these last couple of years I’ve focused more on learning the technical aspect of it, from the initial ideas and lyrics, to the recording and mixing. During that process I put out Bedroom Visionaries, and while writing I happened upon the name Half Shy in an old Thesaurus which felt instantly right. Learning all of that has been fun, I even went as far as to create my own book to solidify a daily writing routine (lyricworkbook.com). All that has been a bit of a tangent from actually making much music though. I should be getting my books in December from the press so I’m really looking forward to getting back into making more music instead of dealing with printing presses, setting up websites, and sourcing ribbon suppliers.
GF: What is the story behind "Monster"? How did the show get in contact with you?
HS: I keep a log of “Song Starters” with neat things I’ve heard in the world, and I would look through it every now and then and notice just how many came from Adventure Time. Eventually I thought well, I have to make a song about this show that just keeps breaking my heart. It was around the time I was nearly done with the first [Adventure Time-inspired] song “In My Element” that I got an email from Bandcamp saying “someone bought your album (Bedroom Visionaries).”
I get maybe one or two of these a month at most so I love to go in and say hi to the person and say thanks, be curious about who they are, [and] what they’re all about. Turns out it was Adam Muto, the executive producer of the show. (I asked and he has no idea how he happened upon my stuff. He guessed that I must have tagged something #adventuretime and he just happened to see it.) So I sent him an email saying, “Hey wow thanks for checking out my tunes. Also... holy crap you’ve made the best show I have ever seen in my life.” [I] played it real cool like. After finishing up writing my second [Adventure Time-inspired] song “Betty” I couldn’t help but fangirl real hard [and I sent him another message saying], “I’m sorry this is probably awkward, but I really love your show and I wrote these songs about it.” He was incredibly kind and shared them with his Twitter Universe, and a while after that I got a random email from him saying basically, “Hey, I’m working on this thing I can’t talk about, would you be interested?” I was like… well you know I’m pretty busy working at a sign shop so I’m gonna have to pass on this once in a lifetime opportunity (J/K. Obviously I fan-girl squealed and said yes immediately).
We chatted a bit about what the project was going to be and the direction. He mentioned there [would be] two Marceline songs in the special, [and he asked if I] would I be interested in giving the love song a try? Trying real hard to suppress my instant imposter syndrome I was like, “Yea, totally I’d be into giving that a shot!” So I read through the story and loved the idea of the dragon mirrored in Marceline, thinking through how they’ve both built up a protective shell, how she grew tough for a reason, but now she can open up and be vulnerable with PB.
From there I wrote the initial demo with the first two verses mostly intact and we went back and forth a few times editing it down into the final version. I recorded the final parts for the show in my little home studio in Seattle.
GS: When you were writing the song, what emotions, thoughts, or ideas were you channeling? Was there any sort of memory of event that you were trying to artistically "catch" or "recreate" with the lyrics or music?
HS: As far as channeling an emotion, generally I’d say just the experience of existing as a human. It can be so hard to open up and be vulnerable. I can remember that feeling even as a young kid—getting really excited about something and having someone completely trash it or look at you like, “Why are you so interested in that? It’s dumb.” [It causes us to grow] a little more weary to share ourselves because we know that hurt and embarrassment. The pain of being misunderstood is something I think a lot of us can relate to. Then having to decide whether to keep sharing those vulnerable parts of yourself or think, “They’re just not going to get it, I’m going to get hurt, so why bother?” and then stop putting yourself out there. You lose a lot with that thick armor though. You might feel protected, but you’re not feeling a whole lot of anything else other than the weight and chafing of it (I had a whole lot of armor-related metaphors that I didn't end up using.).
I struggle with this in songwriting too. I’m not the bolt-of-lightning type. There are pages and pages of cliches, total garbage, bad jokes, and cheesy lines that I have to get through in order to get to something that I am excited to put out there into the world: “Here I did this thing, I know it’s a little (this or that), but I made it... What do you think?” It’s hard to open yourself up to hearing the other end of that question.
I filled about 5 little pocket notebooks just thinking through the story, ideas, and trying to get this song right. I wanted it to feel familiar and honor the past songs of the show ([e.g.,] using the ukulele and referencing a few of the familiar chords from “I’m Just Your Problem”) but also be pretty open and vulnerable and different for [Marceline]. [I wanted to] show that she’s going through some tough emotions but also figuring herself out and growing.
GF: I feel like “Monster” is, at its core, an ode to the “Bubbline” ship. How do you feel about your song being intimately connected to one of the most famous LGBTQ+ relationships in animation? Do you have any general thoughts on Marcy and PB, Bubbline, etc.?
HS: Oh, I’m a total fan girl of Bubbline. The whole story of how Rebecca Sugar and Muto slowly morphed it into this deeper relationship is just great. As a part of the LGBTQ community myself it really means so much to see the representation of characters like yourself portrayed in an intelligent way. Growing up I was too young to fully understand what was going on but I saw Ellen getting cancelled, and [I] heard people around me saying they’d never watch her show again after she came out. That stuff sinks in as a kid and so to have these characters who are not only intelligent, but funny, complex, and unapologetically strong who also happen to be queer is really great. I love that the story here isn’t about their orientation, but that they’re people struggling with how to be open and vulnerable in a relationship.
It feels like something sci-fi and animated shows do so well—to show that ridiculousness of limiting who a person should and shouldn’t love. Marceline is a 1000+ year old half-demon/vampire and PB was born from the Mothergum of an apocalyptic radioactive world, but you’re going to get hung up on them loving each other? It sort of brings it into perspective in a really interesting way.
GF: Do you have any other thoughts about the experience that you'd like to share?
HS: Just how lucky, thankful, and honored I feel to be a part of my favorite show, writing a song for one of my favorite characters. It’s also incredibly cool how the people on the show are so willing to connect and collaborate with their fandom. Everyone [on the production crew] was very open and a real joy to work with.
I’d like to give a huge “Thank you!” to Half Shy for agreeing to participate in this interview; she really was quite amiable! If you’d like to hear more of her music, check out her website and her Bandcamp. You can also follow her on Instragram here and on Twitter here. And of course, here is Half Shy’s awesome video of “Monster”.
#adventure time#atimers#adventure time distant lands#atdl#half shy#monster#bubbline#marceline#marceline the vampire queen#bubblegum#princess bubblegum#pb#adam muto#interview
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For a possible Make Your Bed snippet - reunion with Rex and/or Ahsoka, perhaps??? I also find myself super curious about how things ended up between Mav and Mirrti. Anyway, gorgeous finale, I was having heart palpitations throughout the last two chapters and I thank you dearly for them. ♥
remyblue said:
If you're still taking prompts for Make Your Bed, background Mav/Mirrti? Finding Rex and Ashoka? Also your writing is lovely and every update of Make Your Bed was a highlight/a wonderful gift these past weeks so thank you! >_<
Gooood morning! Since I’ve done Rex and Ahsoka, this one focuses on Mav and Mirrti. Set during Chapter Five. Angst and a lot of feelings. Discussion of mind control.
~~~~~~~
It had only been a handful of days since Mav stepped through the door to Mirrti’s quarters.
It felt like a lot longer.
He looked over the space while Mirrti made her way in, moving over to the small bench that served as a couch and just sinking down. The quarters were tiny, but they were private. He had...a lot of pleasant memories about the bunk along one wall; all the blankets were in order. Usually most of them were on the floor.
Last time he’d been in this room, Mirrti had helped him put his armor on, because they’d indulged, and he was running behind to get down to Utapau. She’d kissed his forehead before he pulled his bucket on.
He reached up, rubbing at his brow, chest and gut tight, and she said, “I’m sorry.”
Mav winced, looking over towards her. She’d bent over her legs, pale hair loose and falling down around her face. Parts of it were stained dark with blood. Not hers. He’d checked. She was still wearing a jumpsuit from the brig. And, when he’d first come around the corner, after she’d commed him, he’d thought--
“I know you must be furious,” she said, voice muffled by her hands, over her face.
Mav considered that. His emotions were all a tangled mess. They felt sharp-edged, in a way he wasn’t used to. Like they’d been sharpened into blades and turned against both him and everyone around him.
He said, “I think I am angry, yes.” He watched her nod, watched her shoulders shake, something simmering up his spine, thinking about the feeling of being trapped in his own head, screaming where no one could hear. Thinking about the nat-borns. Jocobi and Tullop had gloated, and - and gone further, but--
He flexed his fingers in and out, looking down at his own hands, surprised by the itch in his knuckles and the hot boil of emotion in his gut. His voice was sharp when he said, “You just left -- us.”
He heard her make a sound. Her voice cracked when she said, “I didn’t know--what was going on. Admi--Jocobi got a message. Over Utapau. It said - it said the Jedi had attempted a coup. That they were traitors. And that you - you all had received new orders. That you’d--listen better. Follow your orders. I… and then you were. Blank. Empty.”
He stared at the far wall, his jaw aching. He was grinding his teeth together. He tried to make himself stop, with limited success. She said, quietly, “You wouldn’t talk to me.”
Mav swore, and it was easy enough to slam the side of his hand into the closet wall. The wash of pain down his arm felt… grounding. Mirrti made a ragged, startled sound, and-- He’d wanted to talk to her. To beg her for help, at first.
And then to beg her to stop.
The thing in his head hadn’t appreciated her continued attempts to speak with him. It had taken him back to his bunk multiple times and grabbed a pad, opening a form to report behavior that indicated sedition and--
Mav had fought it, as best he could. He’d tried to focus on the fact that she was a junior officer - she had no real power, he’d tried to convince the thing in his head. And - and he’d focused on his memories of their time together. The way they tangled close.
It wasn’t sedition. Just - just a lonely officer, who wanted physical release from his body.
The thing in his head must have believed it. It hadn’t filed any of the reports, anyway.
“I couldn’t talk to you,” he said, finally, his voice in shreds.
She looked up, her hair stuck to her cheeks. “You could have, I would have helped, don’t you know that I--”
“I couldn’t, Mirrti. Physically. There was.” He blew out a breath, gut sour and burning. Cody hadn’t given him orders not to talk about the thing in their heads. But, likely, that was because Cody was barely managing to keep things running. He looked terrible and was furious with the nat-borns. All of them.
Mav had never seen Cody really angry, before. It made him uncomfortable. The way he’d looked at Mirrti, like he wanted to shake her or - or worse, had made something burn in Mav’s throat. He shook those thoughts aside and swallowed. He said, “There was something in my head. In all of our heads.”
Mirrti turned to look at him, finally. Her face was streaked wet, darkened to purple under her eyes. “What?”
Mav grimaced, waving a hand out to the side. It ached, where he’d slammed it into the wall. “Some kind of kriffing chip. I don’t know. The Kaminoans put it there and when they turned it on…” He snorted, an ugly sound. “We got blank. Empty. I couldn’t do anything except watch what was happening. And you - you just stood there. You watched Tullop--”
He trailed off, throat closing around the words, strangling them. Strangling him. Jocobi had been smug and awful, but mostly kept to his own quarters. Tullop had taken inordinate joy from wandering among them, in ordering them to do degrading little tasks, just because he could, and--
“So, yes,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’m angry, Mirrti.”
It felt good, naming the emotion. She nodded, head dropping, shackles still around her wrists because Cody had been lenient enough to let her come back here, but there’d been limits to how far he was willing to stretch any magnanimity.
She hadn’t asked to have them removed, anyway.
Mav swallowed, his own eyes burning. He was angry, and didn’t know, really, how to process the swell of it. There was so much. And it hadn’t crept into his chest alone. He panted out, voice cracking all at once, “And scared. I was so - the chip wanted to report you, Mirrti. As a traitor, and you wouldn’t stop coming around. And…”
She looked up at him again, expression frozen into place, fresh tears on her cheeks. And he’d thought Cody was going to throttle her, earlier, after the breakout. After she commed him, told him in stuttering breathes that the other nat-borns had gotten away, and--
She could have run with them. They’d have been able to reach a comm station. The Empire would know. Know what they were doing on the Vigilance. Even if they’d caught the nat-borns after that, it wouldn’t have mattered. A single message could undo all of them.
His heart had lurched when she commed him, going so fast it had hurt. It was still racing. He was angry and he’d been worried and currently he did not know what he was feeling, only that there was too much of it, all crowding together inside his head, tangled with memories of - of being in this room, of Mirrti leaning her arm on his chest, her skin so blue as he trailed fingers through her hair and they discussed taking leave together, her body soft and warm against his, the way she laughed when he got tired of talking--
He blew out a breath, running a hand back over his head, wondering what the kriff they were supposed to do next.
#glimmer replies#ask me anything#make your bed lie in it#mav and mirrti#feelings and trauma about mind control
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And That’s How We Became a Legend...
Bakudeku alpha/omega fantasy AU written on Twitter based on this idea: I plan to clean it up and post it on AO3 later :)
Think of the story as an origin to the Bridegroom’s Oak.
The old alpha worn with time sat his grandpup on his knee. “Shall I tell you a bedtime story?”
“Yes!” The green-eyed child beamed brightly.
“Very well. Once upon a time...”
In his tiny village, Izuku Midoriya was just born to be unlucky in love. As a tiny male omega he was at the bottom of the marriage pool because alphas preferred buxom stock with firm child bearing hips, as they called it, so a skinny choice like him would never get chosen. He wasn’t ugly... many even called him cute with his curly green hair and bright emerald eyes. But cute didn’t guarantee a brood. Izuku was more fated to be a lonely servant or a whelping docent for another family. His poor mother could only look on in sadness at her sons pain.
So, by the time he’d reached adulthood, Izuku stayed mostly to himself on their small farm. Tending the crops his mother would sell to support them. During heat cycles, the lowly omega locked himself away and made due through the tears and desire he alone could soothe.
There was one thing he could do to bring himself some happiness. With little to no friends, the forest became his second refuge. When chores were completed, Izuku would wander the dense woodlands surrounding the village, or trek the nearby mountain and its hidden waterfall. He loved the peace and quiet even the remote and darkest areas because it wasn’t any worse than the loneliness he felt in his own home. There was always a chance of running into a wolf or other animal, but so far they stayed clear. Perhaps even predators thought he wasn’t worthy a kill or pitied the omega. Some say animals can sense such sullen energies. That’s okay, at least he could commune with his thoughts in these woods to the sounds of birds chirping or bullfrogs croaking.
Of all the areas he’d roamed, there was one particular tree he loved. An old oak tree, twisted and worn who’s trunk was so large Izuku couldn’t wrap his arms around it. The top branches melded with the canopy high above his head, and during spring and summer it’s leaves sheltered all that rested beneath it. He spent many a day resting at its base.
In its trunk was a deep hollow, weathered by time and the creatures that once created it. Perhaps a squirrel or woodpecker, who knew but the gods who watched over these forests. For Izuku, this hollow became a treasure chest where he could write about anything and hide away those words in a journal that only he would read. He poured his heart out into that notebook. All his pains and anguish, of forlornly outlooks, and heartaches desiring but one thing in this world... a family of his own. The omega in him wept to fulfill its purpose.
This journal allowed him to bury his sadness so when he went home he could put on a brave face for his mother. ‘I’ll be okay,’ Izuku would smile brightly at the woman. ‘I have you’ and I have my forest... fear of making her sad was the only thing keeping Izuku going.
Then one day in his eighteenth Spring, Izuku ventured out to his tree as he often would to vent. This season always left him saddened for it represented new beginnings and new life, something he believed he would never experience. But once he reached the tree, he immediately noticed something amiss. Izuku always tightly wrapped his journal in a thick bear skin to keep the weather from reaching it, and made sure it was pushed as far into the hollow too. But not only was it too close to the edge, the wrapping was messy as if re-bound hastily.
Izuku growled. People were so irritating! His refuge was violated and it left him feeling vulnerable. Now he would need to find a new hiding place! He pulled the journal out and inspected it to see if anything else was wrong with it. It better not be damaged! But his eyes zero in on a ripped piece of parchment that was folded and tucked into the first page of the notebook. The intruder had left him a note?! Why?! He unfolded it, eyes widening, and moisture gathering as he read the poorly written words someone had left behind.
‘Damn runt you sound like a mess, what the fuck happened after I left? If this is who I think it is and based on the simpering rambles and scent I think I’m right, be here at high noon each day so I can find you.’
The letter lowered in Izuku’s hand as he processed its contents. Who was this mystery person and why did they want to find him again? They seemed to know who he was just based off his words. He had vague memories of a possibility, but after all these years had chalked it up to an imaginary friend for a lonely three year-old. Plus it made little sense since a three year-old couldn’t write, so how would this stranger know he tended to talk a lot or ramble?! His brows furrowed, or it could be a trap. Slavers were not unknown in these parts, which was why only alphas tended to roam the woods or hunted. But Izuku wouldn’t make for a great prize either. This was certainly intriguing to say the least. The prospect of someone wanting him too good an opportunity to pass up. Though he was no fool.
The next day, Izuku trekked early to the tree and hid away in the brush. He wanted to see just who this stranger was, but if it was someone he didn’t recognize, he’d slip away again. As he waited, he wrote in his journal, chronicling the whole situation. His emotions, how the pangs of loneliness and longing for love fueled his curiosity as well as anxieties to sit there and unravel the mystery.
He hears the cracking of fallen branch litter and sure enough a form rounds the tree. Izuku’s heartbeat paused in recognition of the platinum blonde hair, and once the man turned to where he could see ruby red eyes glaring, he knew exactly who it was. His imaginary friend! But this was no child’s fantasy, for the virile male standing beside the tree was as real as the blood in Izuku’s veins flowing south.
“Come out,” the man commanded. “I can smell you.”
Izuku stepped out with the journal clutched to his chest and walked slowly towards the alpha.
“By the gods, you’re still as tiny as I remember,” the male snickered. “Do you even remember me?”
“I thought I’d made you up,” Izuku stammered.
The man came closer, grabbing the omega by the chin. “Oh, I’m very real.”
Izuku swallowed thickly, “what do you want from me?”
“What was promised,” the alpha responded. “You may be weak, but your scent was the only thing that calmed me as a child, so our mothers arranged for our betrothal at your 18th yr.”
Though a true statement, being called weak still upset Izuku. He pulled his face away from the alphas grip. “You need not pity me. I release you to choose a more suitable dame if you feel I am too weak.” Never mind the fact his mother has never mentioned him being betrothed!
“Tch! I don’t want another and your writings speak of family desire. What fool would refuse my offer to give them what they long for?!”
The tears well up in Izuku’s eyes. “I don’t even know your name.” And so many more questions ripple through his mind. Why hadn’t his mother said anything? Why had this man disappeared all this time? How did he even find him here?! Because this tree wasn’t even close to the village.
“You called me Kacchan cause you couldn’t say my name back then. But my family name is Bakugou.”
Izuku shook his head with all his thoughts and confusion. “Still, why wasn’t I told?!” He looked dead straight at the man, “and why’d you leave the village in the first place?!”
“Tch, fool, like I had a choice! I was five! This village is small so my parents moved to a bigger township with better opportunities.”
“But you could have kept in touch...” Tears now fall freely. “All my life I was so lonely. If I’d known you existed I would’ve had hope!”
“Look, I can’t help—“
“Don’t!” The omega roared cutting the alpha off. “So many nights I thought of ending my misery. How would you feel if you’d come back to find me dead?!”
The alpha snarled. “I can’t fucking change the past! Screwed up or not, at least I’m here now!”
But when the omega flinched and a flurry of fearful pheromones hit the alphas nose he stopped and took a deep inhale to calm himself. “Izuku, I’m here now, that’s all I can do to start things over. So, will you accept my proposal or not?”
Izuku hung his head, how could he say no?
To say no would mean throwing away the best chance he’s had for the life he’s craved. An opportunity to have a family, a sire for the pups he desired to bear. This alpha was a perfect specimen, and Izuku would be a fool to turn him down. But all his life, he’d only known disappointment. What if this turned out to be too good to be true? This alpha would take him away from all he’d known, granted he wasn’t happy there, but what of his mother? As a widower she had no one to care for her in old age. What if he couldn’t bear pups? Would this alpha cast him away for another? To go from loneliness to heartbreak? Which would be worse? And on top of that, he doesn’t know this man, or at least doesn’t remember much. The memories are vague, children playing, maybe some bullying, that’s all. He didn’t hate nor love him... yet.
But he could grow to love this alpha.
This Kacchan has a wondrous scent of spice and power brimming from within. He’ll produce fine pups for sure.
“Are you really sure you want me?” Izuku’s voice was meek and full of hesitation. “Nobody else has ever wanted me before.”
The alpha sighed. “Nobody makes me do what I don’t want to. I’m here by choice.”
“But look at me.” Izuku gestured at his body. “People say I won’t be able to carry a litter, I’m too small. You even called me weak. Why take a chance on me when surely you could find better?”
“Pfft, ignore these foolish villagers. In the larger cities I have seen many just like you do perfectly fine. Have produced perfect broods. These small-minded fools know not about such things and only believe in superstition. Give your answer now for I grow tired of this banter.”
After a brief pause, Izuku decided to accept his fate, whatever that may be. The alpha wanted him and only him. If in the end it doesn’t work out, at least he got to experience what he’d longed for, and that was better than never having to at all.
“Okay Kacchan. I accept.”
“Good. Then we shall pack up your things and travel to my home post haste. I’ve arranged for a horse and cart to transport everything, so you won’t need to return.”
“What of my mother? I-I cannot leave her alone.”
“She’ll come with us as a docent. You’ll need help to raise our pups.”
True to his word, the alpha took the Midoriya’s back to a sprawling estate located a four days journey away. The Bakugou clan had done well for itself in the fifteen years since they’d left the tiny remote village. On the property, the alphas parents lived in one home, a second was built for the young couple, while Izuku’s mother had a smaller one next to theirs. There was a farm and ranching enterprise along with trade that Bakugou senior engaged in to grow their wealth.
“Wow...” Izuku’s eyes lit up as he walked in. “It’s so much bigger than back home.”
Through the long journey, Izuku caught up on many of the questions that plagued him, such as how his mother thought when the Bakugou’s left the arrangement had been canceled, so that’s why she never mentioned it. But the alpha he knew now as Katsuki had never forgotten about him.
A beautiful nest had already been prepared and scented for the omega. It would need to wait until their formal ceremony took place the following day, but Izuku was just excited this was taking place. All the pain of the last fifteen years dissolved away in that moment. He turned to his alpha with tears streaming down his face and his scent filling the air of lavender wildflowers. It’s been so long since Izuku released a happy scent, even he’d forgotten what it was like. His eyes twinkled, crinkled in delight. “It’s so beautiful Kacchan, like in a fairytale.”
The alphas eyes roll back as he purred from his omegas pheromones filling their new home. He pulled Izuku to his broad chest. “That’s the scent I remember. The scent I loved as a child. How could anyone not snatch you up just for that?”
“Maybe because no one else has smelled it?”
Such a statement makes the alpha growl low from happiness, his chest rumbling with content. “Good.” He tipped Izuku’s chin up, red eyes boring down as he swept away tears. This scent belonged to him alone. “It’s all I wanna smell from now on. No more sadness or fear, understood?”
Izuku nodded his head as he smile grew. “Yes, my alpha.”
Katsuki placed a long, lingering kiss on the omegas lips that made Izuku’s heartbeat soar. For such a large male, the alpha was gentle with him. He knew the man had a fiery side, but Katsuki also knew how to love....
As autumn leaves made an entrance, tiny cries broke the air as two newborn pups came into their world. The pregnancy had been a bit difficult for the tiny omega, but with the support of his mate and family, Izuku accomplished everything he’d been told would never come to pass.
“Kacchan...” the omega, flushed with exhaustion, but beamed with pride, and shed tears of joy as he rested his head against his alpha’s supportive hand.
“See, I told you those villagers were fools.” Katsuki smiled, while lovingly soothing his omega. “You gave me two beautiful pups.”
“I love you Kacchan...”
“And they lived happily ever after,” the old alpha stated. “The end.”
“But grandpa, that’s nothing like the stories.”
“What do you mean?”
“Izuku didn’t leave a letter in the tree, a-and he knew Katsuki as a kid.”
“Well, you see over many, many Springs the true story was lost and all that remained is the story of an alpha finding an omegas sad love letter. People thought if that omega could get lucky, maybe I can too and began leaving letters in the tree. Today, the tradition continues.”
“Then how do you know the true story?”
“Izuku had green eyes right?”
“Yeah, like me!”
“Because he’s your great, great, great grandpa.”
#bakudeku#bakudeku fan fic#bakudeku fan fiction#bkdk#katsudeku#ktdk#angst with happy ending#bakugou katsuki#midoriya izuku#alpha/omega
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QianQiu/Thousand Autumns Fic: [Ch. 2] In which teacher!SQ and mafia leader!YWS talk for the first time.
Title: You’re a Problem I Encounter
Fandom: Qian Qiu / Thousand Autumns
Characters/Ships: YanShen
Rating: NSFW eventually
Chapter: 2/?
Summary: Yan Wushi was the proud leader of Huan Yue Group, one of the most influential syndicates in the underground world, who wanted nothing more than to see the world burn. His accidental encounter with the pure-hearted school teacher Shen Qiao was a problem he didn’t expect to get entangled in.
A/N: No more touching this fic until I’m done with the finals T.T
List of Chapters:
[1] [2] [3]
-
ii. No Saint
It was pitch black when Shen Qiao woke up. He blinked once, twice – endless black, deeper than the night — his breath stuttering in his throat and heart thudding against his ribcage in that strangely familiar, bitter taste of terror: the inability to perceive light, the anxiety of facing the unknown.
“You’re finally awake?”
A deep voice entered his consciousness like distant thunder, rumbling with warmth yet charged with danger.
A light to his left blinked on, cold white fluorescent flooded his peripheral vision and made Shen Qiao’s eyes sting from the sudden brightness. When his pupils adjusted to the light at last, he was able to make out a fuzzy outline of someone sitting by his bedside. The figure was mostly cast in shadow, but even in the best lighting, it would have been impossible for him to see anything further than half an arm’s length with any semblance of crisp clarity.
Driven by habit, Shen Qiao began to reach blindly to the side for his spectacles, which, of course were not there.
“Looking for these?” the man with the same deep, baritone voice asked, placing a piece of mangled metal that used to be his glasses into his hand.
Feeling the warped titanium remnants with his fingers, Shen Qiao heaved a soft sigh. He knew there was no way these could be repaired, so he’d have to endure the inconvenience of blurry vision until he could get new glasses or get his hands on some contact lenses, which had long fallen out during his rough scuffle with He Huan Group’s people.
Not that it was anything new – the cloudy eyesight – since he’d spent most of his childhood with his eyes in even worse state until he was in his early teens when Qi Fengge persuaded him to undergo surgery, which had improved his ability to see if only just slightly.
Wandering in his own thoughts though never allowing himself to be defenseless in an unfamiliar environment, Shen Qiao suddenly sensed more than heard the stranger invading his personal space – the surrounding air becoming too hot from the man’s exhale and body heat, too stifling from how close and physically intimidating the man’s presence exuded, looming over him like a hunter anticipating the taste of its prey — and Shen Qiao tried to back up as best as he could, given how parts of his body were too numb from sleep or too painful from the fight to move promptly.
The man chuckled but didn’t advance further upon seeing Shen Qiao trying to shuffle back to keep his distance.
“Are you sure you should be moving around like that?” the man sat back down in his chair, arms crossed over his chest as he continued to observe the injured man with an interested gaze.
“I’m sorry.”
Ever the polite gentleman, Shen Qiao realized that he was acting quite rude to the person who’d rescued him from a terrible situation that he very likely wasn’t going to get out of by himself. Still, his delicate frame, warm hazel eyes, gentle smiles, and soft-spoken nature all contributed to a first impression of a man who was agreeable and amiable, maybe even somewhat unassuming to the point of foolish naiveté, yet those who’d been acquainted with him long enough knew that beneath his kind and considerate disposition was someone constructed of steel bones and unyielding morals.
There was a reason why he was known to be an anomaly in the underground world, crawling with all sorts of criminals and infested with coldblooded monsters that found thrills in destruction and the fall of humanity. Shen Qiao was the adopted son of a once-famed assassin Qi Fengge, who’d retired for the last decade now but had since headed one of the largest and most formidable assassin organizations that employed the best professionals good money could hire.
“You’re a funny one,” the man commented, hint of amusement seeping into his voice. “What are you sorry for?”
“I just… don’t like it when people I don’t know well get too close to me,” Shen Qiao explained quietly, his body visibly relaxed a little once he knew the stranger had backed off. “I did not mean to be disrespectful to someone who’d saved my life.”
When the stranger didn’t immediately respond, Shen Qiao continued with hesitation, “may I know the name of my savior?”
“Yan Wushi.”
He seemed content enough to offer that, at least.
“Leader of Huan Yue Group?”
Shen Qiao’s slight frown didn’t go unnoticed by the ever-observant mafia leader.
“You’ve heard of me?” Yan Wushi leaned in just a degree.
“My father had told me about you.”
Also, Shen Qiao didn’t think it was a good idea to say it out loud, but he knew that in recent years, Yan Wushi – and really, all of Huan Yue Group – was infamous for being gutsy enough to be striding the border between the criminal world and the political sphere, and still benefit greatly from both.
“All good things, I hope.”
“Huan Yue Group mixes with government officials – specifically Yuwen Yong’s faction – and gets on their good side either by offering them financial assistance under the table or getting rid of any political opponents that stand in Yuwen Yong’s way through any means possible,” Shen Qiao recited the information like he was memorizing it from a textbook.
“It’s a mutually beneficial relationship,” Yan Wushi admitted.
Shen Qiao’s frown deepened when he continued, “several deaths and disappearances had been suspected to be connected to members of Huan Yue, but the police never found any solid evidence to arrest or lay charges on anyone.”
“You can’t possibly blame us for the police department’s incompetence. And here I thought you’re blissfully ignorant of how our side works,” one corner of Yan Wushi’s lips twisted upwards, his interest in this frail-looking man had been elevated from indifference to modest curiosity. “It seems Qi Fengge had taught you the basics after all, despite the fact that you’re not expected to be his successor. Fascinating.”
“Father simply didn’t wish for me to be completely uninformed,” Shen Qiao exhaled, letting his eyes fall close as if he’d suddenly become too tired. “Having knowledge is a kind of advantage, though it may not seem like it at the time. I didn’t want to take over the family business, and father respected my decision, but he said even if I have no desire to work underground, the underground world will still find its way to catch up to me eventually. He was right, of course.”
He sounded exhausted, like he’d been running and escaping for years, and every time he thought he’d gotten ahead of the bloody claws of the clandestine world, it came at him snarling with gaping jaws, a cruel reminder that no matter how far he thought he’d gotten away, no matter how hard he’d convinced himself that he wasn’t part of the bloodthirst and violence, the mere fact that he was the son of Qi Fengge, the prodigious assassin’s greatest strength and weakest link, had already sealed him to a certain fate.
Shen Qiao loved and respected Qi Fengge. When Qi Fengge found him beaten and half-starving on the street and took him in one rainy night, five-year-old Shen Qiao would have never thought he’d feel the warmth of family and safety of a home again after he’d lost his parents.
He wanted to repay Qi Fengge in any way he could, but when he was old enough to finally understand what kind of organization Xuan Du was and what Qi Fengge’s real identity entailed, Shen Qiao was torn: he could – no, should – accept the position, train hard to become Qi Fengge’s next successor, and take over Xuan Du and its commitment to only execute those who were deserving of it, if only for the sake of doing what he could to show his gratitude towards his adopted father, yet his righteous moral compass and absolute belief in humanity’s good nature – borne from his education and the teachings of his father – forced him to make one of the most difficult decisions in his life.
It was ironic, how the assassination group operated under Qi Fengge’s guidance: Xuan Du Group only accepted jobs whose targets were beyond anyone’s saving and the victims’ families’ reconciling, their crimes numerous or excessive, their sins unpardonable. But who were counting the number of lives taken away by the hands of Xuan Du’s assassins?
Yan Wushi’s baritone voice pulled Shen Qiao back to the present.
“Everyone says the adopted son of Qi Fengge is different – refined, pristine, pure-hearted, a white water lily untainted by the dirty muck that brought him up,” Yan Wushi watched him closely for any flicker of emotion, “but I don’t believe that a person can truly remain unaffected by the surrounding environment.”
Yan Wushi moved so swiftly that there was no way Shen Qiao could have dodged in his current condition, so when he felt strong fingers gripping his chin and forcing him in place while the mafia leader hovered close – terrifyingly close, breaths hot and vivid against Shen Qiao’s own lips – and the other arm trapping the injured man between himself and the wall, Shen Qiao froze, eyes wide open and the only thing he perceived was Yan Wushi’s eyes.
Dark brown, but almost glowing with the rusted red of blood.
“You’re exactly the type of people I’d like to see battered and broken.”
Shen Qiao swallowed, silently willing himself in his mind to keep calm, and when he was certain his voice wouldn’t shake, he asked while maintaining their shared gaze, “then why did you save me?”
A short pause as Yan Wushi regarded the composed expression on Shen Qiao’s face, and then he barked out a laugh, roughly letting go of the other man and stepping back.
“Don’t think too highly of me, Shen Qiao. I’m certainly no saint. You were in Sang Jingxing’s possession, and I just happen to hate that man and want to fuck with him. Besides, I enjoy having people owe me.”
From this distance, Shen Qiao couldn’t see Yan Wushi’s facial expression, but years of living with vision disability meant that he’d trained his ears to pick up on the smallest nuances in the rise and fall of a person’s voice. He could almost picture the man uttering the last phrase with a snide grin.
“Regardless, I’m grateful for what you’ve done,” Shen Qiao lowered his head in a nod of thanks, “if there’s anything I can do in return in the future, please let me know.”
“Anything?”
Shen Qiao could practically hear the smile in that purr.
“Anything within the legal and ethical realm,” Shen Qiao corrected calmly.
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Early mornings and the visits of Mr. Magnus
Written for @jonahmagnusweek
Day 3 - Pressure
Jonathan Fanshawe has been having a problem sleeping lately. Name of that problem is Jonah Magnus.
Read on AO3
...
Jonathan Fanshawe is awakened by the sound of insistent knocking. Few years back he might have been concerned by such urgent peruse of his attention in the middle of the night. Is someone dying? Has anyone been deadly injured? Or struck by a sudden illness?
Nowadays emotions that sudden late visitors strike in him could no longer be described as worry. It is mostly just an annoyance.
He yawns and sits up. His hand reaches to his night table for a candle and matches to light it up with. Then he considers if he should change from his night clothes since he doubts he will be able to fall back asleep after this interruption. Another set of urgent knocking makes him finally grab the candlestick and head towards his entrance door.
“What took you so long, Jonathan? I could be dying!”
“Good morning to you too, Jonah.” Jonathan haven’t check the clock but the color of the sky is seeming to be more shade of the dark blue than the blackness of a night. Rubbing his eyes he lets his friend in. It would be only waste of time trying to reason with him to come at another time when the sun has fully risen – he tried that in the past.
“I apologize but you know that I would never interrupt you if it wasn’t important. But this time it might really be matter of life or death!” Fanshawe in fact does not know that. Probably because what he finds important and what Jonah finds important are two very different things.
“Hm…”
“Are you even listening to me Jonathan?”
“Yes… please feel free to elaborate. What are the symptoms of your illness?” He resists adding this time for it would only lead to melodramatic cries about not being taken seriously enough. For how knowledgeable his friend usually is he has never met anyone more paranoid about being struck by a sudden illness. Not even any of his elder clients living past their expected age are so worried by the littlest sign something might be out of order.
“I’ve come here as soon as I noticed it,” Jonah starts quite pointlessly since Jonathan was not about to assume that symptoms appeared yesterday’s afternoon and Jonah simply chose to visit him in the most inconvenient hour. “I’ve just finished work in my study and started to undress to go to sleep. But as I was untying the bandages-…”
“Wait. Pardon me but have you said you were just about to go to sleep? It is… well, I am not certain what time it is exactly but the sun is about to rise. Jonah I thought we talked about your sleeping regime quite thoroughly last time.” Only real health issue that Jonah presented to him in past few months was his tendency to unexpectedly faint sometimes. At first Fanshawe was naturally very concerned for it might be just first sign of something more serious. However upon further interrogation of Jonah and one conversation with Mr. Bennett which provided him further context Jonathan was successfully able to pinpoint lack of sleep as the culprit of described problems. Jonah seemed not very happy with his verdict. Nor he has seemed to take his advice to heart.
“I am trying to improve my schedule it is special case this time. I could not simply leave in the middle of work what if I forgot till the morning what I was about to write? Anyway that is not important right now Jonathan!”
It is way too early to try arguing with him. “Apologies. Please continue.”
“Yes, so just as I was changing my clothes to sleep I have noticed the pain in my chest. Well not pain exactly more of a pressure? As if I was lying on my back and someone has trapped me under a heavy rock. It appeared out of nowhere I might have had it for a bit longer but you know how hard it is notice needs of the flesh sometimes when one is occupied by work.”
Jonathan is doing his best to keep his eyes open. “So, sudden pressure in the chest and… is it all?”
“It makes breathing harder. And also actually when I move in certain direction there sometimes appear a little stab of pain too… Before you ask it cannot be broken rib I haven’t been doing anything that could lead to me hurting myself in such a way and I also already examined my ribcage myself. Oh, something like stabbing pain was a symptom of heart failure isn’t it? Do you think it might that? Jonathan you must help me!” The panic on Jonah’s face is rising as he decides to self-diagnose himself first and ask questions later as per usual. He takes back all those wishes for his patients to be more aware and educated about their bodies. His dear friend knows way too much for his own good.
“No. Calm down Jonah. I think I might know what the problem it. But first you are still regularly binding your chest because of… your condition?”
“Naturally since as I said before it makes my condition a bit more comfortable. Now how exactly is this relevant?”
“I was just wondering.” His dear friend Jonah Magnus happened to be born with a wrong body which is something he never heard about before. Though he can imagine whoever was unfortunate to be born this way would very unlikely be able to get someone to believe them.
After all even he had a bit of hard time to overcome the conflict between the clear biological evidence and Jonah’s manners and intelligence which has undeniably been pointing towards him being a gentleman. But after enough consideration he must have admitted that it probably is not even the biggest curiosity he encountered during his career. As morbid as that may sounds if Jonah died sooner than him he would love to do an autopsy to study more of his condition and whether there really is no biological prove of conflict between one’s body and one’s psyché…
Ah but this line of thought is a bit off topic. He probably tortured his friend enough with uncertainty.
“Well? Can you finally tell me what illness I have? Can you cure it? Do you not wish to examine me closer?”
“No need for that. You would have much less problems if you followed my advice for once Jonah. I’ve been telling to you for a while you should not be tying the bandages around your chest so tight. And also there is no reason why you should wear them at your home. They are most likely cause of the discomfort as they are pushing on your ribs.”
“But… You don’t understand I need to… uh, are you completely certain it might not have any different cause? Or maybe…-” Jonah whines and Jonathan would probably feel much more pity for how uncomfortable his friend must feel if he didn’t wake him up. He might have been awake but all his compassion is still asleep.
“Do as you wish Jonah. But if you want to get rid of the feeling of pressure in your chest this is the only cure I can recommend to you. Stop binding yourself so often and so tightly.” Fanshawe stands up to make it clear that this is end of the discussion. “Now if it is all… It would be pleasure for me to continue in our conversation in later hours.”
#tma#tma fanfic#magnus archives fanfic#trans Jonah Magnus#Jonah Magnus#Jonathan Fanshawe#Jonahshawe#Jonah is terrible friend and Jonathan wishes nothing more than to study him#jonahmagnusweek#jonah magnus week 2021#Jonah week#mEye fanfic#mEye post#reblogs or comments and kudos on ao3 are appreciated
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I Will Always Love You
Ch 1: You Won't be Alone This Time
Names/Translations:
Hank: Sealgair, Hennek
Connor: Curiosity, Feorachas
//TW: Death, memories of death, unrequited love
Curiosity wasn’t ready to see him again. That wasn’t to say that he hadn’t been happy to. He just hadn’t been ready. Curiosity had just gotten used to the idea of him being gone; and then there he was, like he had never even left. In another place and time as seemed to be mostly customary of these things, but he largely looked the same. Just like before his vibrant blue eyes were what drew curiosity in all over again, as it seemed he had not learned his lesson.
Curiosity tried to stay away, but as they would eventually come to say: Curiosity killed the cat. He couldn’t stay away, not when Hennek looked at the world with so much wonder, the desire to know it in ways that books simply could not provide. Curiosity couldn’t ignore that, he had a hard time keeping his distance from overly curious humans as it was; but even then, with Hennek it was different. It felt like something bigger than the both of them, like Fate had written that wherever Hennek went Curiosity was to dutifully follow. It was an odd feeling, to think that as a being of Fate himself that his actions would seem so prewritten.
Like the predetermined beings he helped govern over, he gave into the pull and followed Hennek. By this point humans were trying to determine or create a god for themselves. Why; Curiosity could only guess. He would assume it was to help them understand the things he and Wisdom hadn’t yet shown them the answers to. The Beginning had told him to leave it alone, so for now he planned to.
Hennek didn’t practice this newfound faith, but he was curious about it. Curiosity hadn’t given himself a form yet, he was only watching for now; just like last time he supposed. Perhaps Hennek - Sealgair in this life - would be better off like this; if he didn’t interfere.
Sealgair was always alone; not truly though, since Curiosity lingered; but there were never any people with him. Solitary, he supposed would be the word to describe him, he wasn’t lonely. He seemed content to watch those around him rather than participate. Curiosity could understand that, humans were incredibly fascinating. HIs favorite creatures honestly, but they were not meant to be alone. That was what worried him. Sealgair made no moves to even be social, he was always on his own.
Curiosity started snooping, it couldn’t be helped really. He was the embodiment of curiosity; but moreover there had to be a reason. He had found Sealgair well into adulthood, there had to be something he had missed. Something he hadn’t gotten to see. There were always answers to these sorts of things, it was only a matter of digging for them.
It took him months, closer to a year if he was honest, to start finding the answers he wanted. They were well hidden. Whatever had happened. Sealgair didn’t want anyone to know. Curiosity wasn’t a person so that was fine. Sure, he took his human form to interact with things, but that was more because as a mere presence he couldn’t open books. It was the principle of the matter.
Sealgair had a family once, a wife and a little boy. The thought that Sealgair had loved someone else had stung, but it wasn’t like he had been there. According to the journals, he would dare to call them diaries he found hidden away, the relationship had crumbled rather quickly. Their child had been born ill and hadn’t made this fourth year. That was the start, the end of things had been Sealgair’s drams and ramblings.
Sealgair remembered having been Hennek, and him in a sense. He had vivid recall of the last moments of his first life, down to Curiosity’s own presence, so he was aware that something was amiss. It was the rambling though; Sealgair trying to explain himself; that drove his wife away at long last. That was when Sealgair had made the choice to be alone. To observe. To try and find other like him.
One of the journals went into detail of how Hennek had died. He was following someone that he had believed to be Curiosity, but he could never get close enough to get a good look. Every time he had called out Curiosity had only run faster. Of course; it hadn’t been him because he had been waiting for Hennek to return. Which made it one of three things; and age induced hallucination, Death dressed as him as she was known to do, or Balance luring him to his end. To where Death had been waiting.
For the first time Curiosity cursed his own nature, he wished he had never learned any of this. He burnt the book as he held it, and it had taken a lot of his concentration to manifest his hurt and rage as a flame, but he wanted the book gone. Destroyed. When he looked up again Sealgair was standing in the doorway. His expression was an odd mix of recognition, fear, and awe; perhaps even anger for a moment.
“Its you.” Sealgair breathed, “I’ve seen you in my dreams. Beside me on that cliff. Why did you let me fall?”
Curiosity was still processing the fact that he had been caught. He was certain he hadn’t been making that much noise, Sealgair wasn’t a light sleeper as it was. So Curiosity wondered what it was that had woken him.
“Answer me Feorachas!” There was the anger from before. It rumbled in his voice and sharpened his eyes. “Why?” He pleaded, “Why did you kill me?”
“That wasn’t - I didn’t... It wasn’t me.” He tried to explain, but the words caught in his throat, “I can show you that day from my perspective if you would like.” He tried to collect himself, but when the hurt persisted he decided that it wasn’t worth the effort, “I love you - loved - you. I wouldn’t have done that to you, even if The Beginning had threatened me with the end of the world.” He pleaded next, “Hennek, I need you to understand that. Please.”
He wasn’t sure when he had reached out, or when he had started crying for that matter; but when Sealgair took his hand the memory took over. The sensation was a bit like free falling, and Curiosity was certain this was against all kinds of rules. He needed to do this though; Sealgair deserved to know.
Reliving that dat was not something that Curiosity was emotionally ready for. He had avoided thinking about this one day for centuries, so having to actively do so was difficult. Sealgair deserved to know; to understand. Curiosity would never hurt him, not then and not now. That was why he had tried to stay away.
He watched Sealgair as he watched the memory. Observed as the emotions washed over him one by one in the same way they had done to him. Watched as he heard the words that version of Curiosity had said to him. The sight of his old body, even in that state, didn’t seem to bother him. He had long since come to terms with that death. What seemed to shake him bout it had been Curiosity’s reaction to finding him.
When they were back to the present, to the real world as it were, Sealgair stared back at him. “Who was it then?” He asked with a note of desperation to his voice, “Who was it that lead me to my death?”
“I don’t know.” Curiosity replied with defeat in his own voice, “You were unwell so it could have been that, or my brother, or his... compatriot. There is enough that I don’t know and I can’t give you an answer. I’m sorry. I would like to know as well, who and moreover why. But that was an old life. It shouldn’t keep you from living this one Sealgair. Let go of it. I am with you now.” He squeezed Sealgair’s hand, “You aren’t alone this time.”
Curiosity stayed after that. Sealgair could use the company. There was no love this time, not from Sealgair; he was busy processing. So curiosity loved him privately. The village judged them harshly and Sealgair remained an outsider. If anything, Curiosity’s sudden presence might have made him more of one. Curiosity was lonely in his company, but he stayed. Sealgair deserved to no longer be alone.
They were friends at the very least, and Curiosity helped when he could with what Sealgair allowed him to. Sealgair kept his distance and Curiosity got good at pretending that it didn’t hurt. He couldn’t blame him though, learning the things he had was probably unsettling. Humans weren’t meant to deal with their own mortality, and Curiosity probably should have been gentler in unloading it on him.
Sealgair got to see old age, but farm work soon became too much for him. So Curiosity took over, he had learned how to do these jobs from observing Sealgair. Curiosity had aged only in appearance so he could handle the jobs just fine. He helped take care of Sealgair in the evenings, though Sealgair fought him the entire way. It was a matter of trust, the first time he had given Curiosity any form of faith he had died. Curiosity of course didn’t blame him. Even if he wished Sealgair would be a little less stubborn about it, but that wasn’t in his nature. Sealgair was many things, and stubborn was the first of them.
The years came on and eventually Sealgair was no longer aware of himself. He was kinder to Curiosity now, but it was brought out of not recognizing him and that hurt more than the distance ever had. Curiosity had retired the farm some years ago, he looked far too old to be doing that kind of work. All of his time was now spent with Sealgair. He was asleep more often than he was awake now, and Curiosity spent a lot of that time running his fingers through Sealgair’s age whitened hair.
With all of the time he now spent with Sealgair, he was there when he died. It was a peaceful affair this time. She came for him in his sleep, a rattling exhale and then nothing. Curiosity had been ready to let him go this time so there wasn’t as much pain. He had kept his promise, though Sealgair had not made it easy to. He saw to it that Sealgair was properly buried then vanished. He hoped Sealgair might love him again in the next life. For now though, he had questions for Balance, and he would be getting his answers if Balance gave them to him or if Death did.
#In All Your Forms AU#IAYF#I Will Always Love You#IWALY#Hankcon#dbh Hank#dbh Connor#death and reincarnation#child death#unrequited love#tw death#dbh fic#dbh
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Daenerys Stormborn, Part 1: From Pentos, to Vaes Dothrak, from Qarth, to Slaver's Bay
I've decided since this tiny post; I'll write about Dany. But there's so much I can talk about that I will most likely write between other essays (unless I feel otherwise). Daenerys Targaryen is my favourite character in ASOIAF. She's an incredibly complex character, and one whose fate interests me quite a lot. Of all the endings in the show, Dany's made me the saddest and angriest. Not only did they rush and make her turn a "twist" that happened on a dime, but it fed into the Mad Queen theories that I really despised.
Can't a powerful women with dragons not go mad with power and become prone to hysteria? Also, can said woman not be murdered by her lover/nephew as a way to give said lover more pain instead of having any meaningful end to her arc? And can said woman not have been "an insane tyrant the whole time"? I may one day vent on season 8, but I won't. Instead, I want to attempt to make sense of the ending we saw in the show, and how it applies to the books. Bit by bit, I will build up to Dany's ultimate role in the series. But first, we need to set the groundwork for it.
(CW: Rape)
The Last Dragon
The first we see of Daenerys, she is a very shy girl who was under the thumb of her physically and psychologically abusive brother Viserys. With no agency, she was married off as essentially a marital slave to be raped by Khal Drogo. However, after some meaningful dragon dreams, Dany began to try and take advantage of her surroundings to give herself power. Of course, Viserys didn't like this very much. Dany was everything Viserys wasn't.
Whereas Viserys was incredibly narcissistic and had no real feelings for anyone other than himself, Daenerys shows empathy to those lower than her. While Viserys was prone to violent outbursts of intense rage and did not think things through very well, Dany is more measured, perceptive, and intelligent (not to say she's infallible, nobody in this world is infallible). As Daenerys became more and more loved by Drogo and the Dothraki, Viserys found himself jealous that she was better received than him, the lawful heir to the Targaryen dynasty.
This culminated in Viserys threatening to cut Rhaego out from her, and Drogo pouring molten gold onto his face to kill him. Good riddance, fuck Viserys. Anyways, she then tries to convince Drogo to cross the narrow sea to invade Westeros, but he stubbornly refuses until an assassin hired by Robert attempts to poison her and is caught, at which point he vows to do so. In her first real experience with war, when the khalasar sacks a Lhazareen village, Dany is disturbed to see all the innocent men being massacred and the women being gang raped, so she decides to take the women under her protection, which earns her resentment from some of Drogo's bloodriders.
I don't think Dany was quite aware of what war and conquest would look like until the village, and she was horrified by what she saw. During the sack, Drogo was wounded slaying Khal Ogo, and with Dany's urging, one of the women she took under her protection, Mirri Maz Duur, agreed to heal his wound. Of course, being a maegi, she is hated and not trusted by the Dothraki. Regardless, Mirri heals Drogo's wounds and they continue on until Drogo collapses from a fever, having removed the poultice of his wound.
From there, Dany's hold on the khalasar is weakening. Her power is really tied to Drogo's, as Dothraki society is extremely misogynistic and views women as lesser beings. Desperate to save him, she turns to Mirri for any magic she could use to heal him. This decision is what finally breaks the khalasar, several of the bloodriders try to kill her, and in that time, another one of the women Dany rescued, Eroeh, was gang raped and murdered by Jhaqo and Pono. The result is Daenerys being left with what can't be more than 100 people out of the original 100,000 or so people in the khalasar.
However, Dany suffers another crushing loss; her child Rhaego. While Mirri says that death may pay for life, and she sacrifices Drogo's horse, the real price was Dany's unborn child. She did so because Rhaego was to be the stallion who mounts the world, a prophesied leader of all Dothraki who would become a great conqueror. In addition, Drogo is "healed", but permanently left in a catatonic state. When Dany asks Mirri when he will be back to normal, Mirri says;
"When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east," said Mirri Maz Duur. "When the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves. When your womb quickens again, and you bear a living child. Then he will return, and not before."
Dany seems to take this to mean "never", and is heartbroken, so she mercy kills him by smothering him with a pillow.
Throughout the first book, Dany has a series of dreams and visions involving dragons, the most telling of which was her "wake the dragon" fever dream she had during Mirri's ritual. As a result, and to get vengeance for her husband and child, Dany decides to tie Mirri on a stake to Drogo's funeral pyre, as well as placing the dragon eggs with Drogo. Then, when it is lit, and Mirri burns alive, Dany walks into the flames. Everyone thinks she is mad, that she is out of her mind, but Dany seems to think this is all part of her destiny.
And sure enough, when the fire burns out, she is unburnt (save for her hair), and she has three newly hatched dragons. The "wake the dragon" dream also features, near the end, her opening the red door of the house she stayed in as a young child in Braavos, and finding herself under the visor of Rhaegar's helmet, as Jorah repeats "the last dragon". Dany's journey in the first book is about taking control of herself and her family's legacy.
Early on, she realizes that Viserys will never conquer the Seven Kingdoms, and although Viserys originally had Dany marry Drogo to get an army of his own, the khalasar eventually became Dany's army. And when Viserys died, Dany decided it was her responsibility to do what he could not; take back the Iron Throne for her family. And then, at her absolute lowest, when she has lost practically the entire khalasar, her husband, her child, she gains three dragons.
Viserys believed that his name made him a Targaryen, that being King meant he was a true Targaryen. His anger was a tool to assert his dominance as a Targaryen, to get others to bend to his will. He has immense pride for his family, which turned into unchecked narcissism. But for all his talk, Viserys was no true Targaryen, and no true dragon. Dany even thinks this just after he dies.
He was no dragon, Dany thought, curiously calm. Fire cannot kill a dragon.
Dany has brought dragons back to the world, a symbol of the power Targaryens had, back to life. She was not killed by the fire of Drogo's pyre (of course, she isn't fireproof, this was a one time weird occurrence). She is a true dragon, a true Targaryen, who is truly following in the footsteps of her family.
The Lost Dragon
During the Drogo pyre fire (hah), a red comet appeared in the sky. Believing that she has a bigger purpose, and that the comet was sent for her, she and her khalasar follow it, into the Red Waste. Despite thinking this is a sign for her future, she is mostly lost and unsure what to do. With enemies all around, the Red Waste is the only way to go. They find the abandoned city of what she calls Vaes Tolorro, and she sends out her bloodriders to look for what is around.
Eventually, Jhogo returns with three representatives of Qarth; Xaro Xhoan Daxos, Pyat Pree, and Quaithe. They bring her back to Qarth, where she is showered with gifts and given part of Xaro's own palace to stay at. She begs an audience with the Pureborn, the descendants of the kings and queens of Qarth, but they reject her plea for aid in conquering Westeros. Xaro meanwhile suggests marriage, but only as a means to steal her dragons for himself. Quaithe gives very cryptic and vague as hell prophecies to Dany.
With no one left to turn to for aid, Dany decides to seek answers from the warlocks at the House of the Undying, drinking shade of the evening and having numerous visions. When she finally finds the Undying, they seem to be trying to steal her life force, only for Drogon to set them alight. After that, with no way to leave Qarth and refusal to be sent off with any ships, Dany is stuck, and is the subject of an assassination attempt by the Sorrowful Men, sent by Pyat Pree, only for it to be thwarted thanks to Barristan.
On surface level, Dany's ACOK arc is less eventful and straightforward than AGOT; she remains in roughly a single location the entire time, with only two major events occurring (the Undying visions & the attempted assassination). However, after such a journey in AGOT, it makes sense for her story to slow down a bit before speeding back up in ASOS. After finally embracing the responsibility of carrying the Targaryen legacy her brother failed to live to, Dany now has to deal with the fact of how important she is and what her next moves are.
Despite Qarth being so beautiful and splendid, with seemingly everyone ready to provide aid for her quest to conquer Westeros, it is all an illusion. They see someone who is now one of the most powerful people in the world, someone they can use to manipulate for their own ends and gain power for themselves. Quaithe tells Dany as much:
Last of the three seekers to depart was Quaithe the shadowbinder. From her Dany received only a warning. "Beware," the woman in the red lacquer mask said.
"Of whom?"
"Of all. They shall come day and night to see the wonder that has been born again into the world, and when they see they shall lust. For dragons are fire made flesh, and fire is power."
Dany thinks to herself that there must've been a reason the comet led her to Qarth, as part of her belief that she is heavily tied to destiny.
"The comet led me to Qarth for a reason. I had hoped to find my army here, but it seems that will not be. What else remains, I ask myself?"
So what was the reason she was in Qarth? In my opinion, it was partly to teach her a lesson in not trusting people, but mostly knowledge. The House of the Undying is a massive moment in the series, as it lays out many future events of the series before us (and her!) that are very cryptic and hard to uncover. I will one day examine the full scope of the visions of the Undying, but I want to focus on the narrative reason for this.
Daenerys has a strong sense of destiny. The hatching of the dragons, the red comet, the visions, they all have to mean something, lead toward this grand destiny of hers. I think that a lot (but not all) of the visions Dany experiences are relevant to her future, and lay out a lot of what she will experience/do in the last two books. The prophecies she learns (especially concerning being the "slayer of lies", "three treasons", "three fires", and "three mounts") stay with her into ADWD, where Quaithe once again appears and asks she remember the Undying.
Prophecies are also very common in Greek tragedies, and also appears in Macbeth, a tragedy written by Shakespeare, wherein Macbeth seeks out the knowledge of the witches again out of fear that he will lose his position as king. Daenerys is aware that there will be three treasons committed against her, as well as three fires she will light, and three mounts she will ride, and that there are three heads of the dragon. She constantly considers in ADWD whether these prophecies are coming true, that she finds confusing and suspicious, frustrated even.
In short, the Undying is not just a window into the future, but more of an exploration of the effect prophecy has on a young person like Daenerys who so strongly believes in destiny. She also learns in a vision of Rhaegar about something called "the song of ice and fire", which seems to be extremely significant, and that she will be at the centre of the climactic events of the series.
In the end, it is not herself or the Qartheen who get her out of Qarth, but a disguised Barristan Selmy, sent with three ships by Illyrio to bring her back to Pentos. Dissatisfied with her time in Qarth, she decides to return to Pentos with Barristan... but Pentos is not where she ends up, not even close.
The New Dragon
After leaving Qarth and the return west, Jorah, mistrustful of Illyrio, instead convinces Dany to turn the ships to Astapor and buy Unsullied slave soldiers to help in her conquest of Westeros. Stopping by Astapor, she finds a hellish place, red bricks, tortured slaves, and narcissistic slave masters who have no regard or empathy for anyone other than themselves. Disgusted by what she has seen, Dany formulates a plan entirely in her own head; she decides to buy all the Unsullied by giving Drogon over to Kraznys.
Only she didn't. She only did that to gain control of the Unsullied, before burning the masters and freeing all the slaves. As she tells Xaro later in ADWD, despite being surrounded by slaves with the Dothraki and in Qarth, she did not see how horrible it could be until she got to Astapor and saw how the slaves were tortured. She had the power to try to end it, and decided to take it upon her hands. So instead of heading to Westeros, she decides to liberate Yunkai and Meereen as well.
It's easy to be frustrated at Dany's Essos arc, especially since it doesn't really interact with the Westerosi plot where the majority of the action is taking place, but I think it's important that Dany repeatedly is given an option to go to Westeros, but instead stays in Essos. Progressions in real life are rarely linear, and I applaud GRRM for being able to have clear character arcs while not having the progression be entirely linear and staying true to life.
After Astapor, Yunkai fears what will happen to them as she approaches and hires two sellsword companies for aid. Instead, Dany purposefully lies to the Yunkish envoy and the sellswords, and gives the later wine to get drunk on (and an offer to join her) while she attacks at night. Daario, a lieutenant of the Stormcrows, is won over by Daenerys, kills his fellow captains, and defects to her side. Yunkai is defeated, and the slaves are let go. However, unlike Astapor, Dany does not put an end to the Wise Masters. For this, she is hailed by the freedmen as "mhysa!" or "mother". The Second Sons also join Daenerys after the battle.
Then they move on to Meereen, who has decided to crucify a little slave girl for each mile as a marker from Yunkai to Meereen. When she arrives, the Meereenese champion is easily defeated, and Mero, the former captain of the Second Sons, attempts to kill Dany in her camp, but is promptly killed by Arstan Whitebeard, who is then revealed to be Barristan, who reveals Jorah has been spying on Daenerys for King Robert.
Daenerys takes Meereen and crucifies the 162 Great Masters as retribution for the 162 slave girls crucified. When Barristan explains why he did not tell her who he was, she accepts and forgives him, but she finds she cannot forgive Jorah and banishes him. And of course, instead of leaving for Westeros, she decides to stay in Meereen, after learning that Astapor has been left in the hands of a butcher king named Cleon, overthrowing a council she had instilled when she left, and proposing war against Yunkai, which she just liberated.
Worried about what the effects would be if she simply left Meereen for Westeros, she decides to stay in Meereen and rule as its queen. I decided to call this section "the new dragon" because of Daenerys dismantling an institution her own ancestors helped found. The Ghiscari of Old Ghis had slavery of their own, which they ended up teaching to their new conquerors, the Valyrians. Then, after the Doom, slavery continued again, only this time it was now being practiced by the Free Cities, who are in constant trading with the masters of Slaver's Bay.
As she notes, they keep to the Ghiscari gods, and their symbol is of the harpy, a symbol of Old Ghis, but they no longer speak Ghiscari, instead speaking High Valyrian. Slavery was something the dragonlords of Old Valyria engaged in routinely, and that legacy is still all over Essos. In a way, she is undoing the sins of her ancestors past, and trying to make the world a better place and fighting injustice by using her dragons.
In contrast to ACOK, where she seems as yet undecided on what exactly her destiny is, she seems to be taking control of it in ASOS, becoming Mhysa, the Breaker of Chains, a saviour to those who have been enslaved. It is at this point that she starts to gain a serious following, one that I only assume will continue to grow in Essos. Because of her actions in fighting against slavery, she not only becomes a real saviour to the freedmen, but she also becomes a messianic figure to the followers of R'hllor, as a reincarnation of Azor Ahai.
This is where Dany goes from being simply the last Targaryen, the last dragon, and into a legendary, almost mythic, god-like figure. In my future essays, I will expand upon this aspect of her, since it is going to be really important moving forward, but the start of that is here in ASOS. And thus, this will be where I am concluding part 1. AGOT had Daenerys starting low, but eventually learning to rise up and realize she has to be the one to carry on the Targaryen legacy, after knowing Viserys would never live up to it.
ACOK had Dany questioning her destiny, as well as figuring out what her next step is after the miraculous birth of her dragons. And ASOS concludes her act 1 arc, by having her take control of her destiny and becoming a truly legendary figure who is changing the world. In part 2, I will be discussing in depth the thematic and personal struggles Daenerys faces as she is ruling Meereen in ADWD, and what those struggles and their resolution means for her future.
#asoiaf#asoiaf meta#daenerys targaryen#daenerys stormborn#house targaryen#asoiaf character arcs#essos#mother of dragons
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The Ones Left Behind
Alrighty time for some truth bombs. I’ve had almost a week to absorb the end of Supernatural and season 15 as a whole. And I think this is the moment where I need to throw in my two cents. For all intents and purposes I won’t go in-depth into 15x20 seeing as that conversation will just open up a whole other can of worms and I don’t need that headache. I have my reasons for being less than indifferent with how the Winchesters’ story concluded. So I won’t go there.
Instead I’ll be focusing all my energies on the unsatisfying conclusions of 4 particular characters. Two of which were main cast members (one that was on the show 12 years and one 4 years) while the other two (played by the same dude) were brought back after a decade long hiatus for a much-anticipated comeback only to be wasted and mangled unfairly by Dabb and his hack horde of a writing staff. Call this a follow up to my last post. If I sound bitter I am because these people don’t have a single clue on how to helm these characters, their relationships or their storylines 😠 Nor do they deserve them.
And yes I’m well aware of Kevin Tran, Rowena, Ketch and several others who got the shaft on this show. Those could be future posts for another time.
But I cannot stress this enough; ADAM MILLIGAN, JACK KLINE, MICHAEL AND CASTIEL ALL DESERVED FUCKING BETTER. There is no arguing these facts, none whatsoever. Not one of these characters deserved that exit to be the final chapter in their story. I won’t do an entire analysis of each character’s arc and role in the show as I’ve already done that in my rant about 15x19. But I will highlight how much season 15 royally screwed over these characters and tossed them aside like trash; as if none of them were ever part of/contributed anything to Sam and Dean’s history/world building of Supernatural’s universe.
*WARNING* This is going to get heated.
Before I dive into the heart of these issues I want to state this is not a “shipping post”. I don’t ship anyone on Supernatural, hopefully this blog has been pretty self-explanatory. So I have no arguments/opinions in those areas. I’ve been a fan of this series for 15 years because of the characters, the familial bonds and relationships formed between characters throughout its run. And I’m well-aware that the Winchesters are the lead protagonists of the show, no need to remind me. These are purely my own thoughts based what I’ve obtained from show canon. Let me just say I can’t get over just how much these writers contradicted and ignored what they put forth in the journeys of these four individuals. its a real headscratcher.
You mean to tell me that after TWELVE DAMN YEARS of Castiel being a rebellious warrior angel, searching for his own identity and meaning in life; making that promise to Kelly Kline about raising Jack as his own/risking his life for him. After sacrificing himself for his son a year ago, acknowledging he was satisfied with his role as a father which restored his faith; that it was all because of/for Dean Winchester?
You mean to tell me that after Michael, THE PRINCE OF HEAVEN and PROTECTOR OF HUMANITY, was locked away in a cage with a human whom he emotionally bonded with for thousands of years (10 years our time); who was abandoned, betrayed and manipulated by his neglectful/abusive father. After choosing free will and aligning himself with TFW for humanity’s sake, just sided with the Earth’s destruction because his little brother called him names?
You mean to tell me that Jack, A THREE YEAR OLD CHILD, who’s barely just beginning his life and spent his entire duration on the show wanting to be normal and not wanting to be special. Connecting and being integrated with humans; a child who’s biggest fear was outliving everyone he ever loved. Is suddenly ready to walk away from his family, his home and his teddy bear; to give up being a kid forever and run the universe?
You mean to tell me that Adam, SUPERNATURAL’S MOST INNOCENT CHARACTER and FORGOTTEN THIRD-WINCHESTER BROTHER, after being eaten by ghouls; pulled away from his mother out of Heaven, manipulated by angels, trapped in Hell for thousands of years because Sam and Dean left him there to rot. After coming back and helping his neglectful siblings save the world only to be ripped away from his best friend and THE ONLY OTHER PERSON who gave a damn about him; is sentenced to a life of loneliness, homelessness and turmoil until he dies and ends up in Hell where he’ll mostly be tortured and turned into a demon?
NO. I DO NOT AND WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS BULLSHIT!
Season 15 not only manages to contradict itself where these characters are concerned (while assassinating them before the final curtain). But the writers deliberately discarded them before giving us that *sarcasm inserted* epic solo-Winchester conclusion. Regardless of how you feel about Adam, Castiel, Jack or Michael, ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS are connected Sam and Dean’s story and part of Supernatural. And when you throw them away like they mean nothing, you’re essentially throwing away a part of the show’s history. You’re ignoring 15 years worth of story building.
As I said I’m not going to go into 15x20 for reasons, it doesn’t offend me as much as what was done before that finale. Because I think those other show exits really affect 15x20 even worse than people realize. You want to know why, I’ll explain.
Lets start off with Castiel and Jack, OH BOY! We know where they end up; running Heaven and the Earth together which is all fine and dandy. I love my Dadstiel father/son duo being an endgame family unit. But here in lies the problem, we never saw it. Not even a cameo. And technically their onscreen storyline ends at 15x18 and 15x19 which is an ugly, anti-climatic bookend to an incredibly deep relationship that had 4 years of development. First you have Castiel who completely forgets why he made that deal with the Empty to begin with. HIS FUCKING SON. Not to mention it wasn’t about true happiness it was about giving himself permission to be happy; there is a difference. And then you have Jack wandering around next episode, vacuuming up power cause suddenly he’s a machine now, acting like he doesn’t give a shit over losing his dad to an entity HE’S BEEN DREADING ABOUT FOR A FUCKING YEAR.
Towards the end of season 15 I noticed neither of these characters were acting like themselves. Their motivations, their personalities and strong ties to one another had mysteriously dissolved. Castiel became less concerned about the danger his son was facing after 15x15 (what the hell was that in 15x17?) and more about speaking when spoken to by either Sam or Dean. Does he know how Dean truly feels about Jack; proclaiming the child is “not family”? I doubt the in-character version of him would let Jack leave with Dean after that insult. Castiel’s not even worried whether or not his son is alive or safe before he makes the big confession later. And for some reason Jack (who’d become heavily suicidal) was more concerned with clinging to the Winchesters, willing to die for them, instead focusing on himself and the one person who’s shown him nothing but unconditional love and given him strength since birth. Both of these characters are canonically depressed and suffer from low self-esteem that was never resolved which makes me furious.
When Chuck killed Jack at the end of season 14, this devastated Castiel in the first half of season 15. He actually got to grieve that loss throughout the episodes and deal with his anger over it, allowing the audience to anticipate the day they’d be reunited one last time. This part of Castiel’s S15 arc also ironically mirrors Jack’s S13 arc of mourning Castiel’s death until resurrecting him. And when this son finally returned to his father, who got to rescue him, it was such a poignant moment between the two. It was a cathartic payoff after witnessing Castiel in so much pain over Jack. There was so much building up between that Dadstiel reunion in 15x11 and the Empty’s pact in 14x08; this was suppose to be a tragic yet pivotal plot-point in both Jack and Castiel’s stories. And with SPN wrapping up we all expected something BIG. Yet somehow the writers retconned the whole thing by making it all about Dean, which is such a gross disservice to these characters and 4 years of storytelling.
For instance, since 15x18 was Castiel’s exit episode, why wasn’t he allowed to hug his son or Sam goodbye one last time? Why didn’t he have more of a focal role instead of standing around majority of the episode with barely any dialogue as so much precious air time was wasted on frivolous things? Why didn’t he get one last badass fight scene with someone like Death instead of being choked out and tossed around like a powerless mortal? Why did the group need to be split up to begin with when it served no purpose either than that *ugh* moment? Why wasn’t Jack allowed to call Castiel “dad” once before the show ended? He deserved to hear his son address him as dad!
AND WHY THE HELL COULDN’T JACK FEEL CASTIEL’S DEATH THE MOMENT IT HAPPENED?
The show already established to the audience the significant cosmic bond these two characters shared since before Jack was even born. It was so powerful it boosted Castiel’s grace. Jack could remember who Castiel was from the womb and that he’d protected his mother. Not to mention HE FUCKING RESURRECTED CASTIEL OUT OF THE EMPTY ONCE WITHOUT GOD’S POWER. You’re telling me Jack couldn’t feel his dad being taken away forever despite how far apart they were? No, he’d feel it in his heart. Had we’d been given a scene like that at the end of 15x18 (something of substance) with actual grief shown in 15x19 maybe the episode would’ve faired better for them.
That said it wasn’t, because Jack was treated the exact same way in his final exit. Hardly any lines and just a bunch of scenes of him standing/walking around until that pathetic reveal at the lake. HE DOESN’T EVEN GET TO INTERACT WITH JAKE ABEL’S MICHAEL/ADAM which would’ve been a great follow-up to the AU!Michael storyline in seasons 13 and 14. I swear these directors didn’t give Alex and Misha any motivation during their last three episodes and it’s evident in their hollow performances. But why would they when the scripts are basically telling their characters to quickly fuck off so the brothers can have their final outing. Jack doesn’t even behave like himself after he becomes the new God. His personality is apathetic, cold, alien, stiff and way too mature for the 3 year old child so closely connected to his family/the human world. In that moment I saw Alex Calvert not Jack Kline. It’s bad enough he doesn’t get a meaningful farewell but again Castiel, HIS DAD, is a complete afterthought to this kid 🥶
And that’s what we’re left with. Forever. A frigid, hollow ending to one of Supernatural’s most healthy, touching, family dynamics. It makes you wonder what was even the point. I can’t even fully enjoy the fact that its canon Jack and Castiel are together fixing Heaven because of what the show presented onscreen as their last hurrah. It’s not sitting right and it makes 15x20 even less appealing to me.
Moving onto Michael and Adam. Get ready for this. I could rant forever about how dirty my boys were done by this show. How they were discarded in the SPN series finale recap etc. just as they were FOR THE LAST TEN FUCKING YEARS. Was there even a plan going on here or was this just everyone making things up as it went? Their ending is the most unsatisfying and cruel thing because its INCOMPLETE. There is no real closure or resolution with them thanks to the monstrosity that was 15x19. AND NO ONE CARES ENOUGH ABOUT THEM TO GIVE A SHIT.
Much as I’ve enjoyed this show for many years, it NEVER deserved Jake Abel, his talent or his time. I keep seeing so many anti posts about Dean Winchester’s final fate in Supernatural and all I can think about is “try being an Adam Milligan fan for the last decade”. I’ve had to watch this boy go through hell with nothing to show for it either than years of memes. ridicule and the show’s mockery in forgetting him. Actually he’s the ONLY CHARACTER in this series you’re encouraged not to remember 😡 Also quick question: why give us this really interesting and healthy relationship between an archangel and its vessel if nothing was ever going to become of it?
At this point I don’t know why Adam or the idea of him was even introduced way back in season 4 let alone revisited in season 5. Because the only thing I see when I look at this character now is SAD WASTED POTENTIAL. Storylines never explored. Relationships that never got off the ground. Backstory we never got to see (like for instance his past with John Winchester and his time in the cage). A character’s birthright (Men of Letters) that was never actualized. AND the unexplained factor that Adam could look directly at Michael’s true form without his eyes burning out (making him a special case). And the thing is he could’ve been a really great character, both him and Michael. They could’ve easily reached popular status just like Castiel given the chance since Jake is a freaking acting-powerhouse. We were given a taste in 15x08 just how awesome these characters could be and how they could’ve contributed so much to the story and its core group. But unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be.
Michael will never redeem himself after years of scrutiny and being made out to be some kind of unhinged monster. This show constantly enjoyed pounding into our brains how fearsome Michael was. Warned us via Lucifer (LUCIFER, PEOPLE!) that he wasn’t rational, compassionate and didn’t care about anything except war, death and destruction. And that he was incapable of feelings and emotions. This is how Supernatural saw Heaven’s Prince and guardian of the Earth. Christ, they actually did a two-year storyline about an evil Michael from the AU world who enjoyed torturing and killing while trying to destroy the universe. I want to know WHAT THE HELL THIS SHOW’S WRITERS HAD AGINST THESE CHARACTERS? Why they felt the need to bring back Jake Abel, AFTER A DECADE OF FANS WANTING THIS, if it was simply to piss all over his characters one last time before the show wrapped. This is absolutely unprofessional and childish; the fact that Jake is taking this bullshit in stride makes it all the more shameful 😡
We could’ve learned so much more about Michael’s past and his present relationship with Adam. These characters didn’t need to sit in the cage for a decade they could’ve easily been incorporated back into the show as far as season 8 or 10! And been an asset to the Darkness storyline in season 11.There were characters and storylines introduced that served no purpose. Why did we need to keep seeing characters like Charlie Bradbury or (as much as I like him) Crowley or Garth (love him too) or Lucifer or Abaddon or the Wayward sisters? I would’ve much preferred having Adam and Michael around and got to know them instead; especially after 15x08. I would’ve wanted to see what their dynamic with TFW could’ve become had they been long-time allies. Did John ever tell Mary about Adam’s existence? I’d like to see what her reaction would’ve been like had the Winchesters remembered him during that damn 300th episode. I guess that’s another loose end untied.
But because of what Supernatural did to these two characters, it forever taints Sam and Dean. I don’t think Dabb or purist fans realize this. But when new viewers come into this show about two brothers preaching important things like “saving people”, “family first” or “family don’t end in blood” they’re going to see how badly the main protagonists treated their innocent half brother. How Castiel and Jack were treated. They’re going to see the heroes of the story abandoning this kid in Hell forever with no intention of EVER rescuing him. And that’s why their final appearance leaves such a bad taste going into 15x20. Cause as much as Dabb and co didn’t give a shit about Adam and Michael they also didn’t give a rat’s ass about protecting Sam and Dean’s integrity. That’ll be a stain they can’t undo.
So through all of it, we’re stuck with the abomination that is 15x19 aka the eye-soar to an unfinished/unpolished story of two horribly disregarded characters. Michael gets the pleasure of being character assassinated right before he’s stupidly killed off instead of going out a hero or becoming the next God (as it was his birthright and the setup was there in the narrative). And Adam gets killed off-screen, OUT OF HIS OWN DAMN BODY, then brought back by Jack only to live a miserable, isolated existence since his brothers have nothing to do with him (the dog and car are more important); his best friend is dead, he has no job or money or a fucking home and he’s legally dead! Really what is there left for him besides the brutal fate awaiting in Hell when he dies?
SERIOUSLY THEY COULDN’T GIVE US ONE SCENE WHERE THE WINCHESTERS CHECKED IN ON ADAM TO MAKE SURE HE WAS SAFE?! 🤬 His last scene pretty much sums up this shit for what it is. Tragic. I feel like crying for this poor sweet boy.
Congratulations Dabb, BL and co for giving us these much deserved broken story arcs of characters you destroyed and made OOC before leaving the airways. You did your show’s protagonists justice by doing this *sarcasm inserted* after 15 years of being onscreen. I doubt these idiotic decisions are going to age well in the long run. They certainly don’t look good on the Winchesters. Anyway that’s my hot take for the day.
ALL THESE ACTORS AND THEIR CHARACTERS DESERVED BETTER.
#Jack Kline#Adam Milligan#castiel#supernatural#michael the archangel#dadstiel#midam#Archangel Michael#SPN#castiel x jack#adam x michael#supernatural season 15#spn rant#spn 15x18#spn 15x19#THIS WHOLE THING WAS ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT#none of this is acceptable none#anti spn 15x19#anti spn 15x18#I'm out for blood in this
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Nabrina Fanfics Part 13 (Lupercalia Update)
Sabrina Spellman & Nicholas Scratch (Nick Scratch) FanFics MASTERLIST (UPDATEABLE PINNABLE)
Updated: February 14, 2021
Happy Lupercalia and Nabrina Anniversary day everyone. So Part 4 happened......So here’s a list of some fantastic Nabrina Fanfics that you can read to process and escape how the show ended. Because we know Nick and Sabrina deserved so much more. Escape into these amazing magical written creations and worlds by some wickedly good and amazing writers who helped us during those Part Hiatuses and now helping us now the show is done. Make sure to leave some Love/Praise/Kudos through the comments on their work. Or give them a message to how much you love their work, because they really are one of the best things in this fandom. They are the real heroes through everything we’ve been through.
As always have a Wicked or Hell-ish time with these fics and ENJOY!!!!!
Fics in order by Last Update: 2/14/2021
[Key: AU=Alternate Universe - AH=All Human Or Mortal Fic - *=New Fics to list]
1. "I See Sparks Fly”*
Author: shotgunkitten @shotgunkitten
Summary: Being single was okay and she didn’t mind being on her own. Not at all. At least that’s what Sabrina told herself as she looked around the table at yet another Spellman family dinner. But with everyone in a happy relationship, she couldn't help but long for the same - probably also because Lupercalia and Valentine's Day were fast approaching.However, she really shouldn't have said as much to her family; because suddenly everyone's a matchmaker and every option seems worse than the last. AU- Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - One-Shot 2/14/2021
2. “The Institute for Divine Craft”
Author: rayo aka @its-nabrina-bitch
Summary: After a humiliating spat with Father Blackwood pushes Sabrina away from her witching life and the Academy, Madam Satan crafts an alternative solution to move Sabrina Spellman further down the path of night. Ultimately leading her to the Institute for the Divine Craft. A handsome Headmaster with mysterious ties to her father, convinces Sabrina to abandon her mortal life, and cultivate her abilities as a child of the Church of Lucifer. AU - Rated Mature - Chapters 20/? - Last Update 2/14/2021
3. “Sins of the Father”
Author: willowaus @willowaus
Summary: In a Greendale where Edward Spellman was given the chance to see his manifesto play out, Sabrina Spellman works to traverse the world her father created for her, walking that fine line between mortal and witch, trying to integrate them both. It’s not enough that she has to maintain that Spellman image while trying to juggle the Weird Sisters, her friends, and an annoyingly hot warlock, Nick Scratch. She also has to deal with the fact that someone or something doesn’t want her to make it to her seventeenth birthday. AU - Rated M - Chapters 19/? - Last Update 2/14/2021
4. “If You Let Me”
Author: bunivy aka @bunivys
Summary: After pouring all of her time and effort into obtaining a law degree in the city, Sabrina Spellman moves back to Greendale for one last summer before she departs for good. She's fully intent on enjoying her stay in her hometown, even deciding to pick up a part-time job at her Aunt Hilda's cafe to save up some money. The only problem is that the boy in the bookstore across the way is one she's had some not-so-good history with and it's becoming increasingly harder to ignore him. Before long, she finds herself exploring the complexities of old high-school grudges and what-ifs, all while trying to sort out her present-day relationship with the boy she has long since deemed as non-existent.Meanwhile, Nicholas Scratch wonders if it would just be easier to remain non-existent. AU/AH - Rated M - Chapters 32/? - Last Update 2/09/2021
5. “Let’s Fall in Love for the Night”
Author: shotgunkitten @shotgunkitten
Summary: Hilda Spellman once said that their meeting was fate. And while neither Sabrina Spellman nor Nicholas Scratch were sure if they believed in that kind of thing, they were sure of this: They never wanted to find out what their lives would be like without each other. AU/AH- Rated T - Chapters 21/? - Last Update 2/09/2021
6. “All you need is fluff...”
Author: Miss_Kath90 @misskath90
Summary: Just a bunch of Nabrina short one-shots based on tumblr prompts. Mostly pure fluff, because after Part 4 that's what we deserve. Rated T - Chapters 12/? - Last Update 2/09/2021
7. "Take a Breath, I’m Still Here”*
Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows
Summary: In the days after the Void nearly ripped Sabrina from her family, they decide to celebrate a late Yule. Nick and Sabrina can't stop touching each other and Prudence and Ambrose finally talk. AU/AH- Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 2/02/2021
8. "It Was Real Enough to Get Me Through”*
Author: shotgunkitten @shotgunkitten
Summary: Sabrina Spellman saw her twin die, her warning about the Void leading her to her own inevitable doom. Except that her family pulls her back at the right moment when she goes to trap the Void, finishing what Sabrina Morningstar started. However, surviving her encounter with the last of the Eldritch terrors doesn't mean that Sabrina got out unscathed, her demons haunting her in her sleep. Rated M - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/31/2021
9. “It’s Witchcraft, Baby”*
Author: Unseemingowl @unseemingowl
Summary: In the wake of Sabrina discovering Nicholas Scratch at an orgy in her cousin Ambrose’s room things take a different turn Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/31/2021
10. “Never Really Over”
Author: Miss_Kath90
Summary: Sabrina Spellman wanted nothing more than to have a normal life and to achieve it, she accidentally had caused a time paradox that had allowed two of her to coexist in the same timeline.One, living in Greendale with her family and friends. The other, reigning over the infernal court in Hell.She could finally have (almost) everything she ever wanted but nothing in Sabrina's life was simple or normal…A new threat looms over Greendale.And she would need all the help she could get to stop it.Especially Nicholas Scratch's, even though every time they are in the same room the weight of their shattered romance filled the air and threatened with crush them. Rated M - Chapters 16/? - Last Update 1/30/2021
11. “The Resurrection”*
Author: sarahkwut @sarahwyland
Summary: Hecate hears the prayers of her coven and brings Sabrina back to her loved ones. This is their reunion. Rated M - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/29/2021
12. “Victory Celebrations”*
Author: Climbergirlio
Summary: “It is rather incredible,” Prudence states, her voice intentionally betraying how she is not speaking of the success of the song.
Sabrina’s confusion at what Prudence could be referring to makes her fall headfirst into Prudence’s trap, “what?” she asks.
Prudence’s lips curve into a wickedly innocent line, “how distinctly Nicholas smells of ...” Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/27/2021
13. “Illicit Affairs”
Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows
Summary: She had never really meant for it to start. It wasn’t like her, the secret meetings, hushed whispers, and built up lies. But there was something about all of it that dragged her under the current and swept her up that she couldn’t deny or ignore. It was never her intention to start an affair with Nicholas Scratch. Though it was somewhat of an inevitability. From the minute they met, a line in the sand was drawn and they spent the better part of two years trying not to come closer to it. But the magnetic pull between them was undeniable, and soon the line in the sand was just as messed up as their sheets. She hadn’t planned it, and the second she let her guard down they’d both fallen into a hole they couldn't quite climb out of. She’d been sleeping with Nick for months and talked to him about more things than she never dared to with Harvey. Harvey.The highschool sweetheart she couldn’t let go. Or rather she couldn’t admit the relationship was failing, because she wasn’t a quitter. But she couldn’t seem to quit Nick either. AU/AH - Rated M - Chapters 10/? - Last Update 1/25/2021
14. “Soft Place To Land”
Author: shotgun kitten @shotgunkitten
Summary: A collection of short Nabrina one shots based on fluff prompts on tumblr. Rated T - Chapters 21/? - One Shots 1/21/2021
15. “For Fluffs Sake, Angst-hole”
Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows
Summary: This is a collection of short writings/scenes from an ask I did on Tumblr for Nabrina!It used to be all fluff, but now there's some agnsty ones in there too! Not Rated - Chapters 39/39 - Last Update 1/18/2021
16. “Pillow Talk”*
Author: octoberdiary IG: thecaosdiaries
Summary: This is a collection of short writings/scenes from an ask I did on Tumblr for Nabrina!It used to be all fluff, but now there's some agnsty ones in there too! Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/17/2021
17. “speak to me, my lover”*
Author: Unseemingowl @unseemingowl
Summary: Sabrina Morningstar doesn't come through the mirror to interrupt the mood when Sabrina and Nick leave movie night at Harvey's house, which means that everything is good and nothing bad happens. Except the playful squabbles over the anxieties between new lovers who can't keep their hands off each other. Rated E Mature - Chapters 2/3 - Last Update 1/10/2021
18. "Till the end of time”*
Author: Miss_Kath90 @misskath90
Summary: Feeling his lips moving over hers again was like coming home after a long journey. All the months of separation, all the pain, all the words they could never take back didn’t matter anymore as she kissed him back.
Oh, she had missed him, she had missed the way his arms held her tight and how his hands caressed her face in the middle of a kiss. And it felt so natural, so right… kissing Nick had always felt that way, as natural as breathing. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/06/2021
19. “Born To Love You”
Author: thoughtsaboutshows aka @thoughtsaboutshows
Summary: So Sabrina left Harvey at the altar for Nick. What now? Tune in for snapshots into Nick and Sabrina's life now that they've admitted their true feelings. What happened after Sabrina left Harvey and ran to Nick? Did they live happily ever after?This will be a collection of snapshots of this version of Nick and Sabrina. I don't know how often it will be updated, but we will get a look into their life together.I enjoy writing my fics based on songs, so if a particular song screams this Nick and Sabrina to you please message me on tumblr or comment below and maybe I'll write a scene based on it! ****Follow up to One-Shot Marry Me. Go READ it first!**** AU/AH - Not Rated - Chapters 5/? - Last Update 1/05/2021
20. "A sea of sorrows”*
Author: Miss_Kath90 @misskath90
Summary: Nick's thoughts after Sabrina's death. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/01/2021
21. “Of Gingerbread and Snow Globes”
Author: sarahkwut @sarahwyland
Summary: Nicholas Scratch begrudgingly helps his grandmother move back to her hometown of Greendale. He's got a high powered job and is used to the big city lifestyle. The small town life isn't for him, but he promised his grandmother he would stay through the holidays. Enter, Sabrina Spellman, international journalist and soon-to-be author who happens to love Greendale - and all of its holiday traditions. She's not trying to change Nick's mind about the place, but they do seem to keep crossing paths... Rated M - Chapters 9/9 - Completed 1/01/2021
22. “yuletide blessings”
Author: bunivy @bunivys
Summary: Journalist and hopeless romantic Sabrina heads home for the holidays with an assignment: write the perfect article on a small town Christmas to capture the spirit of the holidays. Things start off right when her aunt Hilda performs a bit of tea reading which suggests romance in Sabrina’s future, and she gets a call from one Harvey Kinkle, friend and childhood crush, asking her out on a date to the local Christmas Market.
Hilda’s tea never lies and this could really be it. He could be it.
To her surprise, she runs into a spellbinding bookseller at the market who seems to be on a quest of his own and before Sabrina knows it, she’s wrapped up in the mystery and holiday joy of it all. Along the way, she comes to learn that maybe there's still some new magic to be discovered in old Greendale, after all. Rated M - Chapters 3/3 - Completed 12/27/2020
23. “Another Year”
Author: shotgunkitten @shotgunkitten
Summary: Nick wanted to get his hands on his grandfather's journals for years and now his grandmother named her conditions: He gets the journals when he's in a steady relationship. Jumping at the opportunity to finally study his grandfather's research, he tells his grandmother that he has a girlfriend. The problem: He doesn't. Who better to ask than Sabrina to help him out and pretend to be his girlfriend while his grandmother is visiting for the Yule celebrations? Rated T - Chapters 4/4 - Completed 12/27/2020
24. “Under the mistletoe”
Author: Miss_Kath90 @misskath90
Summary: Nick and Sabrina meet at Spellman's Christmas party throughout the years. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 12/18/2020
25. “Wicked Winds”
Author: sarahkwut @sarahwyland
Summary: Nicholas Scratch winds up at the Academy of Unseen Arts after being kicked out of several others for being too smart - and too powerful - for his own good. He’s got a chip on his shoulder and he’s not in Greendale to make friends. But then he meets Sabrina Spellman, a witch that’s not only beautiful, but just as up for breaking the rules as him.Except she wants nothing to do with him.His old friend Prudence places a bet that he can’t get her to give into him - but things get complicated as he not only starts to fall for Sabrina, but a deadly darkness settles over Greendale. Rated M - Chapters 23/23 - Completed 12/04/2020
26. “Wintertime Love”
Author: sweetjs
Summary: Sabrina and Nick celebrate both Winter Solstice and Christmas through the years. Rated G - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot 12/04/2020
27. “p is for passion, n is for not this again”
Author: Unseemingowl @unseemingowl
Summary: In which Nick is very passionate about the Baxter High encyclopaedia section and Sabrina Spellman can never just get one day of peace and quiet and making out. Rated M - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot 12/03/2020
28. “Soft Place To Land”
Author: shotgun kitten @shotgunkitten
Summary: A collection of short Nabrina one shots based on fluff prompts on tumblr. Rated T - Chapters 14/? - One Shots 11/26/2020
29. “my greatest grief, my deepest desire”
Author: bunny @bunivys
Summary: She could put her hand out and touch Nick, but she couldn’t hold him, couldn’t kiss him, couldn’t slot her nose into the corner of his neck like she had once loved to do. Couldn’t run her fingers through his curls, hear him sigh against her lips. Could be the first person Nick loved, but not the last. Rated M - Chapters 14/4 - One Shots 11/21/2020
30. “I almost do”
Author: Miss_Kath90 @misskath90
Summary: Nick and Sabrina dance at Hilda's wedding. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot 11/17/2020
31. “Before the Devil Breaks Me”
Author: willowaus @willowaus
Summary: All Sabrina wants to do is enjoy the last few years with her mortal friends. Attend college, party a little too hard, and make endless memories with them. But when you're a Spellman nothing ever goes as planned, especially not when she meets her handsomely mischievous classmate, Nick Scratch, who introduces her to a side of witchcraft that she's never thought possible.When people start ending up murdered in ritual sacrifices on campus Sabrina knows she can't keep both of her worlds apart any longer. Especially when it seems each murder is a message for her. AU - Rated Mature - Chapters 31/31 - COMPLETED 11/17/2020
32. “whispers in the white wind”
Author: bunny @bunivys
Summary: Nick had no one to knit him scarves and Sabrina didn’t mind sharing.(a collection of tumblr winter fluff prompts.) Rated T - Chapters 7/7 - One Shots 11/13/2020
33. “Haunted Herat”
Author: shotgunkitten @shotgunkitten
Summary: Sabrina ran through the woods, tree branches crashing to the ground in front of her, grasping at her. Roots digging themselves out of the wet soil, wrapping around her calves, dragging her to the ground. She set them on fire, the angry, high-pitched screams of the trees filling the air as Sabrina got up, looking over her shoulder. She could see torches in the dark, coming closer. “Find that witch!” a male voice bellowed, others chiming in, faint calls of “Burn the witch!” following. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot 10/31/2020
34. “Cruel Summer”
Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows
Summary: A mix between AU and Cannon, where the young members of the Church of Night also attend Baxter High. The young witches and warlocks then go to the Unseen Arts Summer Camp to bolster their gifts. However Sabrina, being half mortal, only began attending after her Dark Baptism. To the mortals of Greendale, Unseen Arts Camp was for the wealthy. An elite sector of the Baxter High youth that attended a camp deep in the Greendale Wood far upstream of Sweetwater River. Many had tried to find and break in, but none have succeeded. To the mortals, the divide between the camp attendees and the not was of money and status. When in fact, the difference lay with light vs. night.Set between two timelines- the present and the summer, Sabrina attends camp for the first time and grows closer to Nick only for them to be torn apart as school starts. Rated Mature - Chapters 27/27 - COMPLETED 10/27/2020
35. “in a dream, a thousand years ago”
Author: bunny @bunivys
Summary: It’s a painful thing to be a songbird with no one to serenade, and maybe he knows that, too.(part of the anti-soulmates au; Nick and Sabrina meet in a bar) Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot 10/22/2020
36. “Unwritten”
Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90
Summary: Tired of her aunt’s matchmaking attempts, Sabrina decides to tell a little white lie… and now she needs a boyfriend to accompany her to her hometown for the holidays.And who better to play that part than her good friend Nicholas Scratch? There is only one little problem… He had a crush on her since the day they met. When two friends pretend to be in a relationship, what could possibly go wrong? Rated T - Chapters 10/10 - COMPLETED 9/22/2020
37. "Free Pour”
Author: sarahkwut @sarahwyland
Summary: He's a bartender with a perfect free pour and a Ph.D. candidate. She thinks she wants to be a lawyer and wishes she had taken more chances in life. Both of them are trying to move on. But when their paths collide, Nick's hand is no longer steady with the bottle and she's far more willing to take a risk. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 23/23 - COMPLETED 9/01/2020
38. "Burning House”
Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows
Summary: Sabrina hasn't seen him in months but she still sees him everywhere. Nick sees her every night in his dreams. They both know what they want, but won't let the other have it. Not yet. Not when Nick will hardly talk to her and Sabrina used well...THAT candle... ONE-SHOT - Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 8/28/2020
39. “The Four Pictures”
Author: Copper_16
Summary: It’s been 10 years. Nick and Sabrina are teachers at the Academy along with some familiar faces. It’s been a decade there can’t be that much chaos anymore, right? Wrong. Rated T - Chapters 4/? - Last Update 8/04/2020
40. “Marry Me”
Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows
Summary: “No, No, No.” Nick said as he shook his head at Prudence. “Sabrina is my best friend. That’s it.”“Sure.” Prudence shrugged her shoulders.When she explained to her brother that they were likely more she had said it as a statement, not an invitation to have a conversation about it. She was entirely annoyed by the Spellman girl, and had found it odd and irritating that she and her brother had been attached at the hip from a young age.“Besides she’s marrying Kinkle, Prudence.” Nick explained more to himself than to Prudence. His eyes were wild and looking around the room, searching for something to land on. “Not me.”“Do you want her to?” Prudence asked as she leaned forward. Nick paused, unsure how to answer that question. Nick had been in love with Sabrina Spellman for most of his life. But she was happy with Harvey Kinkle. Prudence rolled her eyes and stood up sighing, and placed a hand on Nick’s shoulder. She was rarely affectionate and this was as comforting as she got. “You may want to figure that out.” AU/AH - Rated Mature - ONE-SHOT - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 7/11/2020
41. “The Chaos In the Stars”
Author: willowaus @willowaus
Summary: Nick sacrificed himself to save her, but Sabrina's not about to let him fester away in Hell. But what happens when saving the one she loves brings about a series of apocalyptic events that Sabrina and the rest of the Spellman clan need to thwart?Alternate part 3. (Part 3 Fic) - Rated Mature - Chapters 24/24 - COMPLETED 6/30/2020
42. “A Little Wicked”
Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90
Summary: Sometimes, in the darkness of her room, unable to sleep, she thought about how easy it would be to fall in love with him.
And she was sure a part of her was a bit in love with him already, but she kept holding to the past and that was hurting them both. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 6/16/2020
43. “Crash Into Me”
Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows
Summary: Set after Part 3 and some time after Nick and Sabrina's breakup. Just a little one-shot of a mission they get sent on by Zelda. Tough conversations and some tears...and one bed ONE-SHOT - Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 6/15/2020
44. “Heaven can’t help me now”
Author: bunivy @bunivys
Summary: Soulmates are a universal law, the way of life. Sabrina's soulmate is Harvey, but she'll pick Nick every time, in every way. ONE-SHOT - Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 6/13/2020
45. “I knew you were trouble”
Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90
Summary: Sabrina didn’t know that being away from home for the first time could be so hard.Away from her aunts, friends and her-lifelong-boyfriend, Sabrina have to deal with the nostalgia but also with the new challenges College's life mean: get used to share a room with a not-so-nice roommate, put up with long hours of study and very few of sleep, learn to live from pre-cooked meals instead of her aunt Hilda’s homemade ones, find balance between her studies and her new social life… And resist the temptation a certain Nicholas Scratch mean for her. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 28/28 - COMPLETED 6/06/2020
46. “A Thing or Two to Learn”
Author: gracefulchaos
Summary: What if Sabrina and Nick weren't in the same coven, and they met each other later in life? AU - Rated Mature - Chapters 1/? - Last Update 6/06/2020
47. “When the Bones are Good”
Author: sarahkwut @sarahwyland
Summary: Sabrina Spellman is enjoying her life as a normal teenager. Sabrina Morningstar is reigning Hell with an iron fist. Ambrose Spellman is searching for a solution to bring them back together and close the time loop, Sabrina's wishes be damned. And Nicholas Scratch? He's faced down his own demons and he's desperate for redemption.Except the clock is ticking.On time and Terrors. (Part 4 Fic) - Rated General - Chapters 28/28 - COMPLETED 6/05/2020
48. “Bury a Lie”
Author: raeinthedark
Summary: Sabrina is comfortable with death. It's her job. But everything is changed on a rainy October morning. The life and work she was accustomed to are forever different in the wake of tragedy. There really isn't coming back from this, unless she can figure out who's behind it. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 3/? - Last Update 5/04/2020
49. “I run to you”
Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows
Summary: Nick and Sabrina love two things. Research and each other. But their research often takes them to far away places, and far away from the person they love most. AU/AH - Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - One-Shot COMPLETED - 5/21/2020
50. “My Body Is A Canvas For Your Love”
Author: Unseemingowl aka @unseemingowl
Summary: Sabrina had no love for the whip or the belt or the cane that Nick had used to enjoy so much, but restraints... That was another matter entirely. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 4/29/2020
51. ”Ground Beneath Her Feet”
Author: mindlesshappy aka @feministstree
Summary: Sabrina is born out of a miracle - one that she wishes would repeat for her, but when she is destined for someone else, how much can she resist before her heart decides to give in. Alternatively, Nick is Sabrina's soulmate, but she really just wants Harvey to be it. Also, in the backseat are all the other possible ships, getting their own soulmate glories. Rated T - Chapters 18/? - Last Update 4/17/2020
52. “in your eyes (there's something burning inside you)”
Author: jessequicksters
Summary: Nicholas falls in love with Sabrina as fast as a mortal sells their soul to the devil. The only problem is, in the Church of Night, everything has a price. Even love.Especially love.(He bleeds every time he dreams of Sabrina and when they kiss, it happens too, but love isn't supposed to hurt, right? Except he's never known about love; the only thing he knows is that this half-mortal is going to be the death of him.) Rated Mature - Chapters 5/5 - Last Update 3/22/2020
53. “My Lover of Blood and Milk”
Author: Unseemingowl aka @unseemingowl
Summary: It didn’t feel as though it had only been a few hours since she had made her way to the Greendale woods for Lupercalia. As she sat there, shivering in her muddied and bloodied silk slip, it felt as if a completely different person had made her way back out of the forest...... Or how Sabrina struggles with lust and trust after her disastrous Lupercalian night with Nick. Rated Mature - Chapters 4/4 - Last Update 3/15/2020
54. “I Need to Know”
Author: raeinthedark
Summary: Love isn't that easy to erase... and that song is on again. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 2/29/2020
55. “Be True To Your School”
Author: rayo aka @its-nabrina-bitch
Summary: Nicholas Scratch is the Golden Boy™ of Baxter High; star athlete, top of his class academically, and devastatingly handsome. Sabrina Spellman sees Sophomore year as an opportunity to expand her horizons; joining the cheerleading squad, running for student council, and making new friends along the way while working to maintain her relationships with her old friends. What Sabrina Spellman doesn't know: sophomore year is about to turn her world upside-down. Rated T - Chapters 6/? - Last Update 2/23/2020
56. “Ocean”
Author: sarahkwut
Summary: AU, M-Rated. Nicholas Scratch has everything working in his favor. He's got a decent job as a history teacher, his roommate Melvin is always up for video games and getting high, and Sabrina Spellman lets him mess up her sheets frequently. Sabrina knows Nick isn't good for her, but she can't stay away, no matter how hard it is to pretend she's completely okay with their casual arrangement. But when life takes an unexpected curve, Nick is forced to face a new normal he doesn't know how to navigate. And Sabrina may or may not be there to help him through it. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 27/27 - COMPLETED 2/10/2020
57. “I’ll be there”
Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90
Summary: She couldn’t stop looking at him, since she had recovered him from the claws of the Dark Lord, she felt unable to be apart from him and had to admit that part of her was afraid he would disappear if she moved from his side.
And Sabrina wouldn't let anyone or anything separate him from her again.
Never. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/30/2020
58. “Walk away”
Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90
Summary: Pain. Could he someday escape the pain? He sometimes thought it impossible.
It was strange, his relationship with the pain, it was an enemy and a friend. The pain numbed him. The pain didn’t let him sleep. The pain hurt him and soothed him. It was unhealthy, the way the pain helped him relieve the pain. But it was the only thing he had left. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/27/2020
59. “To Hell and Back”
Author: sarahkwut
Summary: Sabrina was successful in her efforts to retrieve Nick from Hell, but the damage - physical and emotional - is deep. Sometimes, the only way to heal is to go your separate ways and trust things will work themselves out in the end. (Written before Part 3 - an alternate take on how Nick recovers from his time in Hell - with and without Sabrina). Rated Mature - Chapters 3/3 - Last Update 1/26/2020
60. “The Morning(star) After”
Author: rayo aka @its-nabrina-bitch
Summary: A Painful NickxSabrina Reunion Rated T - Chapters 1/3 - Last Update 1/24/2020
61. “My only love sprung from my only hate”
Author: filmharlot
Summary: High School AU where Nick is based on the version of him that Sabrina creates in her dream during the Batibat episode. Harvey and Sabrina have broken up and don't want to work together on the Romeo and Juliet assignment in Drama class, so she ends up being partners with Nick AU - Not Rated - Chapters 8/? - Last Update 1/19/2020
62. “A very witchy Christmas”
Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90
Summary: Just a bit of silly Christmas fluff that I couldn’t help but write, placed in the series universe after a huge jump in time. Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 12/25/2019
63. “Mortal Little Christmas”
Author: HeartsInJeopardy
Summary: ‘Twas the night before Christmas – and the first for Nick Scratch - but Sabrina’s holiday movie was not a good match. Rated T - Chapters 2/2 - Last Update 12/21/2019
64. “Lessons in the Unseen”
Author: bunivy aka @bunivys
Summary: Academy Teachers AU. Sabrina Spellman lives as simple a life as a half-mortal half-witch can. Despite her dislike for the headmaster, she enjoys spending her time teaching Ritual Magic at the Academy of Unseen Arts, hoping to positively shape the minds of young witches and warlocks. However, with the sudden dreadful announcement of her aunt Zelda's engagement and the appearance of one mysterious - and strikingly handsome - Nicholas Scratch, Sabrina finds that her life is not so simple anymore. Or all that safe. AU - Rated Mature - Chapters 32/32 - COMPLETED 12/17/2019
65. “Just a Little Obsessed”
Author: eyerys
Summary: Nicholas has developed a tinie-tiny crush on Sabrina. Nothing like major or whatever. It's not like he thinks about her all the time or daydreams about what it would be like to be with her or how cool she is. No, not at all.Sabrina doesn't have a crush on Nick. No, not at all. Uh-uh. She has Harvey. Sweet and loving Harvey Kinkle. But for some reason, she can't help but find her mind wandering. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 12/13/2019
66. “As The Moon Rises”
Author: venzaren
Summary: Sabrina Spellman is tired.Tired of living a double life. Tired of facing discrimination at the hands of her pack. Tired of dealing with her status as an Omega. And most of all, she's tired of people hounding her about finding her mate.Then Nick Scratch returns to Greendale. AU - Rated General - Chapters 1/? - Last Update 12/07/2019
67. “Thirteen Memories”
Author: tempestbreak
Summary: (Set at the end of Season 2) Sabrina and her friends go to Hell and rescue Nick -- but what happens when that's the easy part?It turns out, having the Dark Lord inside your mind for months can do some damage, and Nick comes back different. His memories of the events leading up to his sacrifice, including his relationship with Sabrina, are gone. How can Sabrina help him regain his memories of their time together when she's not even sure she trusts her own? Rated Mature - Chapters 6/? - Last Update 11/02/2019
68. “But The Greatest Is Love”
Author: sarahkwut
Summary: The acheron captured Lucifer Morningstar, but their problems are far from over. The coven is decimated, the Church of Night is no more, Father Blackwood is on the run, and Nick and Sabrina's relationship is in ruins. How do they pick up the pieces and move on? There are more questions than answers and the consequences could be of biblical proportions. Rated Mature - Chapters 25/25 - COMPLETED 10/28/2019
69. “Back to You”
Author: nadiaselite
Summary: Sabrina brings Nick back from hell. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 10/11/2019
70. “The Open Road”
Author: paradiamond
Summary: Nick wants her back, and he’s willing to do whatever it takes. In fact, he insists on it. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 9/22/2019
71. “The words “I love you” aren’t enough”
Author: Miss_Kath90
Summary: “Look at me, Nick” he was reluctant but when he finally looked up she took his face in her hands making him unable to look away “What you did that day… Nick, you sacrificed yourself for my sake, even when I mistreated you and told you all those horrible things. You did it for me, because you love me… Don’t you see? You’re incapable of being evil.”Or... Sabrina gets her boyfriend back but things don’t go as smoothly as she thinks they will. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 9/22/2019
72. “Mission: Let’s get my boyfriend back”
Author: My_Evak_Heart
Summary: Sabrina and the Fright Club ventures on their first mission: getting Nick back from Hell Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 9/7/2019
73. “Jealousy is a killer”
Author: Melissa1226
Summary: Will Sabrina and Nick Start something new? and who is watching them from the shadow full of jealousy? Rated Mature - Chapters 8/? - Last Update 8/28/2019
74. “The Jock”
Author: mikaila_ealum
Summary: An Alternate Universe where Nicholas Scratch is Baxter High’s quarterback along with one of the most popular boys at school. With few knowing the truth, Scratch is living a double life as a warlock at the Academy of Unseen Arts. Sabrina takes a hiatus from the Academy to get more in touch with her mortal side. When Sabrina gets back she becomes partners with Nicholas for a project in theatre class. AU - Chapters 8/? - Last Update 8/07/2019
75. “act 5, scene 2 (thou and i are too wise to woo peaceably)”
Author: ghostemo aka @wickedscratch
Summary: When Sabrina Spellman rose to a challenge issued by Prudence Night, she never imagined she’d actually make the varsity cheer squad - or that doing so would upend life as she knew it. Now she has to navigate her new role within the social hierarchy of hell -er Baxter High as well as trying to get her boyfriend to actually communicate. It certainly doesn’t help that she’s been paired up with the annoyingly handsome Nicholas Scratch, captain of Greendale’s beloved football team, for a project in her theater class. It’s exactly as, if not more so, cliche as it sounds. AU/AH - Rated T - Chapters 3/? - 7/25/2019
76. “Off the Record”
Author: sarahkwut
Summary: AU. Detective Nicholas Scratch left New York for Greendale in desperate need of a change of scenery. The small town takes some getting used to, but local reporter Sabrina Spellman quickly grabs his attention. It's the fresh start he needed until Greendale's residents start turning up dead. With a murderer on the loose, no one is innocent - and anyone might be next. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 29/29 - COMPLETED 7/22/2019
77. “Bring You Close To Me”
Author: BridgetMcKennitt
Summary: Sabrina and her friends managed to bring Nicholas back from Hell. There was a lot the two of them needed to discuss, but tonight, they had this. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 7/13/2019
78. “A Brief Moment”
Author: bunivy aka @bunivys
Summary: Ever since he's returned from Hell, Nicholas Scratch has been having nightmares. With help from Aunt Hilda, Sabrina unknowingly shows him a light and for a moment, Nicholas knows everything will be okay. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 6/24/2019
79. “To Hell and Back”
Author: swtnerdgirl
Summary: A year has passed since Sabrina and her friends rescued Nick from Hell. No one came back the same. They all had their scars. Some emotionally. Some physically. In the days leading to Hilda's wedding, they all prepare for their lives to change and heal their wounds. Rated Mature - Chapters 16/? - Last Update 6/06/2019
80. “Dead Witch Walking”
Author: rayo aka @its-nabrina-bitch
Summary: Faced with the possibility of being harrowed to death by her classmates, Sabrina finds an escape. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 5/26/2019
81. “Moonlight Beneath Rough Lips”
Author: ivylikeveins
Summary: After the encounter with the thirteen witches of Greendale, Sabrina enters the dining hall with moonlight locks bathed in soft blue hues, and Nick does not know what to do. He ends up with a soft and small Sabrina pressed into his chest, sleeping, and wrapped around his very much over-sized jacket with Nick's lips pressed into the soft, pearly strands he wants his soul to get entangled within. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 5/19/2019
82. “The Hunt”
Author: OnlyInAutumn
Summary: Nick howled into the night, up at the stars to signify that he was ready on the eve of Lupercalia, the darkness of midnight around them. The first sound of the horn sent them into the forest. The hunt had begun. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 5/11/2019
83. “Secrets, Secrets are no Fun”
Author: filmharlot
Summary: Sabrina is the new kid for the first time in her life. Choosing to go to the Academy full-time seems to be a hard transition than she was expecting. With the Weird Sisters harassment at an all-time high, dealing with leaving her mortal friend's and condescending teachers, Sabrina is suffering. She's not even allowed to have Salem for comfort. It's not all bad though. She is finally free to do magic whenever she wants, and there's a charming warlock who is being particularly nice to her. Plus, someone is leaving kind gifts on her bed at the end of the night. She just wishes she knew who it was. Not Rated - Chapters 1/? - Last Update 5/06/2019
84. “Unsettled Nighttime Creatures”
Author: mindlesshappy
Summary: We all know Sabrina is going to save Nick. This is how Nick reacts to being saved - which, spoilers alert - is like a very stupid warlock. Rated T - Chapters 5/5 - Completed 4/25/2019
85. “Selfless”
Author: sarahwut
Summary: Sabrina Spellman dragged Nicholas Scratch back from Hell. But Hell might be better than a world in which they aren't together. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Completed 4/23/2019
86. “Homecoming”
Author: cherrystems
Summary: After several months Sabrina is able to get Nick back from Hell with the help of her family and friends. However, Nick has to adjust to Earth again while dealing with PTSD and anxiety. This tells the story of the growth of Sabrina and Nick's relationship over the recovery time. Not Rated - Chapters 3/? - Last Update 4/20/2019
87. “Under Your Spell”
Author: londonmarie
Summary: Sabrina doesn't hesitate to have her Dark Baptism and things go differently. Rated T - Chapters 10/? - Last Update 4/18/2019
88. “Photographs”
Author: Greyowl9831
Summary: It's been at least 150 years since Sabrina signed her name in the Book of the Beast. One day she finds an old photo album. Will the memories it contains be a great walk down memory lane or will it be more than she can bare? Not Rated - Chapters 4/? - Last Update 4/14/2019
89. “An itch That Needed Scratching”
Author: umbrellacorp
Summary: What if Nick slayed his familiar and Sabrina and Nick got to experience the last night of the Lupercalia festival alone. Tonight, Sabrina would be transformed. Nick was going to show her power that she never knew she had, an innate carnal power. They were about to become the most powerful union of the Church of Night. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 4/13/2019
90. “and I keep waiting (but I won’t say I’m waiting)”
Author: lost_n_stereo @lost-n-stereo
Summary: You would think that it would hurt less as the days go by, since it’s been nearly two years since Nick sacrificed himself for the greater good and Lilith took him to hell. Except, he didn’t sacrifice himself for the greater good, he sacrificed himself for her. And that makes it a hell of a lot tougher to let go. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 4/10/2019
91. “Fire”
Author: OnlyInAutumn
Summary: Their power—together—was overwhelming. It was something that she had not felt either, the consuming feeling of expanding power. It was entirely addicting. Rated Mature - Chapters 2/2 - Completed 3/24/2019
92. “something I can believe”
Author: Anry
Summary: Missing scene after Sabrina's baptism. I wouldn't say that it's really a relationship here, just conversation. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 1/25/2019
AND THERE YOU GO!!!!! Have fun everyone, if i missed any fics or you have any recommendations for the list message me or send an ask. It’s been a good ride and this list has come so far from being only 13 fics to now 92. Love and Praise to all the CAOS/Nabrina Fics out there.
#Nabrina#Nabrina Fics#Sabrina Spellman#Nicholas Scratch#Nick Scratch#CAOS#Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
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The Verdict
Bucky Barnes x Reader Soulmate AU
(Hello Sunflower Part 11)
Summary: It’s time to be judged, but like always, nothing is ever easy.
Warnings: refences to torture. Murder. and cussing
Word Count: 2k
A/N: A short chapter this time. I may end up rewriting this chapter and the last chapter, but we will see Let me know what you think and if you have any requests for future chapters! Thank yall for reading!’
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The trials began the Monday after you were saved from Hydra. All of the Avengers were being called in for questioning, which was ridiculous but sadly needed. Nat’s was the worst so far, as she always told you, she has a lot of red in her ledger but so did you. You knew that she hated all of the things she had done in the past and you knew having to answer for all of them was affecting her more than she would like to admit.
Today it was your turn, to say that you were nervous would be an understatement but you weren’t one to back down from a challenge. Walking into the courtroom, you could feel everyone’s eyes on you. You wore a nicer version of your usual attire but you were not going to try to put on a show for these people. If they were going to judge you they would be judging the real you. You knew that you were a sight, with the bruises and cuts that covered your face and arms. You stared forward as you walked towards the judge, not letting anyone see how nervous you really are.
The judge called you to the stand, you placed your hand on a bible, swearing that you would say the truth the whole truth nothing but the truth. You sat down at the stand and looked around at the people that had your future in their hands. Some of them looked nervous like they were afraid of you, but some of them looked calm, only one or two were openly glaring at you. You took that as a win. The questioning began.
“Tell the jury your name and your affiliation with Hydra.” You stared at the prosecutor for a moment before answering, why did he look familiar?
“My name is Y/N Stark,” you heard gasps from some of the people in the audience. “When I was born I was stolen from my family, they believed me dead. I was raised by one of their lead scientists. He told me that he was my father and since he was all that I knew I believed him. He worked for Hydra and raised me in and around a Hydra base. When I was ten they injected me with the super-soldier serum that they had also used on Bucky Barnes. I was brainwashed as used as their soldier.” Your voice was steady as you spoke, not allowing the nerves that you felt to be evident.
“After they brainwashed you they sent you on assignments? Mostly to assassinate people seen as threats to Hydra. Is that correct?” His voice held disdain for you and you swore you could hear a twinge of glee as he spoke. Your brow furrowed momentarily, why does his voice sound familiar. Something about him struck a chord in your memories but it was fuzzy.
“That is correct, however, due to the fact that they placed me in a machine that they affectionately and accurately called the blender, I had no control over my mind.”
“Would you please tell the jury what exactly this “blender” did?” he seemed to revel in your discomfort.
“It was a machine that you were strapped into, a rubber piece was shoved into your mouth so that you wouldn’t break your jaw, and electrical currents were forced through your head until all that was left was a terrible blankness.” your voice slowly falling as you spoke, the images of your father watching with glee as you were strapped to it several days ago.
“So they erased your mind?” he seemed incredulous at the possibility, “then how, pray tell, were they able to force you to do missions?”
You stared at the man in front of you in disbelief, you had long ago learned how to read the emotions of others, he thought you were lying.
“After wiping us, they had a series of trigger words that would activate the soldier that they had programmed into us. The soldier's main purpose and mission was to serve Hydra. They would do anything to accomplish that.” the iron in your voice seemed to surprise him, he hadn’t expected you to fight back. He thought that you would just roll over and let them punish you for crimes that you had no choice in.
“You mean that they had full control over you? Please explain.”
You bit back your anger, you couldn’t let this man anger you, if he succeeded then your cause was lost.
“Imagine being in a taxi,” eyebrows furrowed throughout the courtroom, that was not what they expected to fall from your lips, “you are in the backseat and there is a piece of bulletproof glass between you and the driver. Now imagine that this driver, driving like a maniac and hitting innocent people. But you, you’re stuck in the backseat, the doors are locked and no matter how hard you pound on that glass or how loudly you scream, you can’t make the driver stop. That is what it feels like for us when the soldier is in control.” the pain from your nails digging into your palms is what grounded you, the feeling in the pit of your stomach grew, something in his eyes was shifting, as if he was deciding something.
“Well then, do you remember what your trigger words are?” his eyes seemed to glint in the harsh light of the room. You simply shook your head,
“I have never known, once I hear the first one all I am able to focus on is the pain.”
“Let me remind you then…” a terrible grin took over his face as he spoke the first word.
Pain. You were so fucking tired of the pain this brought and by the men that believed that you were nothing more than their tool. He spoke fast, the words rolling off his tongue in Russian and all you could do was clench your fists and wait it out.
“Ready to Comply.” The words felt natural on the soldier’s lips, always there, always ready.
The weaselly man in front of you had the audacity to smirk at the soldier.
“Am I speaking to the soldier or to the girl.” his eyebrow raised as he spoke
“The soldier.” Her voice was colder than yours, emotionless.
“Good,” he clapped his hands together, his smile widening, “I have a mission for you, kill them.”
Her eyes snapped to his, watching his reaction as the soldier spoke.
“There is only one mission,” her words were clipped, eyes narrowing as she spoke, “you have no control over me.”
He blanched, stepping back as if struck,
“I am your master, you will listen to me.” his voice was raised as if he was trying to command her by sheer volume. The rest of the courtroom was watching the interaction in shock, no one dared move. Bucky watched in concern but knew that this was your battle and he would only intervene if absolutely necessary. You and the soldier stared at the man in front of you, seemingly calm, but there was a fire in your eyes.
“Fuck you. Did you really think that I was able to escape while Hydra was still able to control me with words?” The fire in your voice was barely contained, as you spat the words at him.
“You are my soldier and I demand that you listen to and obey me!”
His face was turning red in anger, a fact that you and the soldier found funny.
“Bold of you to assume that I didn’t come to terms with my demons, I am both the soldier and the girl. I have been since the tattoo showed up, nothing that you could do to me affected me anymore except to cause me pain. Why do you think so many of your targets got away, or the fact that I never showed you any bodies? I am no longer under Hydra’s control, I have made peace with the soldier inside of me, we now have only one mission, and it has nothing to do with hydra.” your teeth were clenched as you spoke, fighting the urge to kill the man in front of you, instead you stood.
“Men and women of the Jury as well as everyone else present. This man is Hydra, he wanted me to kill you, trying to use the brainwashing methods that they have used on me in the past. I am no longer the woman that I was back then. Neither is Bucky, the man who will be on trial before you tomorrow. We were forced to become soldiers and assassins. We had our memories and emotions ripped from us, in the most painful way imaginable. They placed words in us that would make us their puppets that we have only recently been able to get rid of. I was forced to cover my soul mark from fear of them using it against me. I was tortured in more ways than you can imagine I have been broken and pieced back together so many times that I no longer knew who I was until I was able to escape. I was forced to watch myself kill my parents and have no control over my body as I did. Yes, Bucky and I have committed a multitude of sins. But trust me when I saw that his 70 years and my 30 years under the thumb of Hydra, with no memories and no control, is enough atonement for those sins. But all the same, we will spend the rest of our days with the Avengers, saving as many lives as we can to pay for the ones that we were forced to take.”
The whole room was silent at your words, all of them surprised by the confidence and power that you exuded. The judge called for the man from Hydra to be taken and put into custody and then called for the Jury to go speak and decide the verdict. You were allowed to leave the stand and go sit by Bucky, reaching for his hand as soon as you sat. No one else could see how much you were shaking except the man beside you, you just wanted this day to be over. You wanted to be back in Tony’s lab eating chocolate and drinking coffee while watching him work. The Jury was gone for an hour, an hour of worry and fear. They filed back in, the lead handing their verdict to the judge. He asked for you to stand.
“In the case of Y/N vs the united states and Bucky vs the united states” your eyes widened in surprise, they weren’t supposed to decide for Bucky until tomorrow. Hearing his name Bucky calmly stood up beside you. “The jury finds the defendants innocent of all charges. Due to the evidence that the defendants were not acting according to their own will. The jury states that no more action will be necessary as long as the defendants agree to remain as part of the Avengers saving lives instead of ending them”
He read out the verdict as if he was ordering a Sunday lunch as if it were nothing to him that you were now free. You felt your legs begin to tremble, almost giving out under you before you are pulled into a crushing hug by Bucky and then Tony. You were finally free.
Tagged users: @calwitch @writerwrites
#winter solider fanfiction#winter solider x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes imagine#bucky x y/n#bucky imagine#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#james buchanan barnes#james buchanan bucky barnes#hello sunflower
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Nobody Listens to Kix
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Case 01187: Lux Bonteri
"...and if you roll them at the right speed, they'll slip through the shields and explode next to the droid itself, disabling the guns and allowing you to pass," General Skywalker finished, glancing around the group of rebels to check for their understanding.
Kix eyed the assorted group as well. When he had been tapped to join the Jedi and the captain on a trip to help an underground resistance movement train to fight the Separatists, he hadn't been impressed at the idea. After finding out that one of the leaders - a kid named Bonteri - had a past with Commander Tano, he was even less thrilled to be there.
Admittedly, he had been surprised by the group. The fighters were minimally trained, but in decent shape, medically-speaking. Kix had expected to find festering injuries and critical malnourishment. Instead, he found mild dehydration and an honest, stars-blessed splinter.
A splinter.
This resistance group may have been better-organized than others the 501st had run into in the past, but they weren't exactly what Kix would have expected from a rough-and-tumble encampment in the woods.
Saw Gerrera would be trouble. Kix had known it the first time he interacted with the young man, and he could tell that Rex thought the same. Saw was passionate and angry, traits that would not help him against the Seppies. In fact, they were more likely to get him killed, along with every other member of the encampment… including Saw's sister Steela.
In contrast, Steela Gerrera was promising. She was a perfect counterpart to her emotion-driven brother and would make a good leader for the small group - a larger group, even, later on. She was level-headed and practical, eager to learn and wise beyond her years. Kix and Rex had both been impressed by the young woman, as had the Jedi. Well, two of the Jedi. The final member of their party had been too busy worrying about Steela's major weakness.
Lux Bonteri.
Kix didn't get it. He was no expert in what teenage girls found attractive, but it seemed like a bit much for both Steela Gerrera and Commander Tano to be fascinated by the boy. Admittedly, it seemed like the attention was almost a bit much for Lux, too. Still, he appeared to enjoy the idea that two females were so interested in him and did what he could to juggle their feelings. One minute, he would flirt shamelessly with Steela, who seemed to welcome his efforts. The next, however, he would stand far too close to Commander Tano and murmur things that her sensitive montrals could easily have heard from a far greater distance. The boy was honestly lucky that some of the more... overprotective members of the 501st had not come along to Onderon, or Kix would have had some real injuries to treat.
Despite his own confusion and disgust, the situation was entertaining enough, though Kix was at least tactful enough to avoid talking about it around the Commander. She seemed displeased by the way things were going and he couldn't blame her. He was displeased, too. Kix was of the opinion that the GAR and three of its best Jedi had more important things to do than babysit a fledgling grassroots rebellion, and a teenage love triangle did nothing to improve the situation.
"Ouch!"
It was the call to action for medics everywhere, and Kix was no exception. In a moment, he had grabbed his medic's bag and went to find the source of the pained sound. It turned out to be none other than Lux Bonteri, who had managed to deeply scratch his forearm while trying to roll a dummy det through the droideka's shield.
The kid had pressed a hand against the scratch, holding back the blood that was trying to seep from the small wound. Other members of the rebel band clustered around, asking nonsensical questions and generally being in the way. Steela and Commander Tano seemed the most concerned, but Kix definitely saw General Skywalker roll his eyes.
"All right, folks, please move so I can treat him," Kix said impatiently.
"Will he be okay?" Steela asked.
Kix snorted. "He has a scratch on the arm. Yeah, he'll be good to go in about three minutes, if you can clear the crowd."
Steela nodded, raising her voice. "Back to training, everyone! Lux is going to be fine."
With a jerk of his head, Kix indicated for Lux to follow him to a more secluded area, a short distance away from the crowd. From what he had seen so far, the small group of rebels needed all the practice they could manage. Bonteri followed willingly enough, sitting on a fallen tree trunk and extending the arm so that Kix could clearly see the injury.
It was a long cut, deeper than Kix would have expected, but still nowhere close to anything vital. The real danger was infection, especially in a forest, running around in unsanitary conditions, and this far from medical care. It would have to be cleaned, medication applied, and the wound wrapped before Bonteri could keep training with the other members of the rebel force.
"Don't worry, kid," he soothed automatically. "We'll have you patched up and back in action in no time."
"I'm not a kid," Lux told him haughtily. When Kix didn't bother responding, he sighed. "Do you think Ahsoka saw that?"
"I'm sure she did," Kix said evenly. "She was standing a foot and a half away from you and has full use of her sight."
Lux groaned. "Fantastic."
Kix shook his head, mostly to hide a smirk. "What does it matter what Commander Tano saw or didn't see?"
"Please," Lux scoffed. "You have full use of your sight too, correct?"
"I don't know what you're implying, Bonteri," Kix said, not liking the boy's tone. Before Bonteri could unleash another half-insulting comment, Kix added sharply, "And if you're saying what I think you are, I'll remind you that she's my commanding officer and I have no problem letting this scrape heal the old-fashioned way."
"It's just…" Lux trailed off, suddenly looking younger than ever. "She's so beautiful, and strong, and brave. I want her to think well of me."
"I'm sure she does," Kix said, trying to sound encouraging. Kriff, he didn't remember being this young.
"She doesn't think well enough to care for me," Lux said, reminding Kix of a pouting child. "Not the way I do for her."
Kix laughed before he could stop himself. "She's a Jedi. She took vows not to care for anyone, not the way you're talking about."
"And I took vows to uphold the Separatist cause," Lux countered. "I left them behind after I learned new information."
This time, Kix laughed on purpose. "You think attraction is new information? Kid, sex has been around longer than any of us. That's why we are around - at least, those of us who weren't born in a tube."
Lux didn't find that nearly as funny as Kix did, so the medic filed it away as something he should tell his vode and moved on. "Ahsoka knew attraction and temptation would be part of her life, but she thinks the good she does as a Jedi is more important than her own feelings."
"Has she spoken with you about this?" Lux asked, looking floored by the possibility that Commander Tano wouldn't change the entire course of her life for sake of a crush.
Kix sighed. He definitely had never been this young. "No, but she doesn't have to. You can see her dedication in everything she does."
"You can," Lux agreed, looking past Kix with a slight smile on his face. Kix turned to see Commander Tano juggling a handful of dummy thermal dets to amuse Saw, using the Force to launch them high into the air before letting them drop into her waiting hands. General Skywalker and Captain Rex watched the process with patronizing amusement while General Kenobi was thankfully occupied in another section of the camp. Kix was only surprised that General Skywalker wasn't taking part in the theatrics.
"I've heard Jedi can have physical relationships," Lux said slowly. "They just can't get attached."
"Done a lot of research into Jedi relationships, have you?" Kix asked acidly, then shook his head. "I'm not about to tell you - or my commanding officer - what you can and can't do, but Commander Tano isn't the type who can easily separate emotions from actions. By pushing this - by pushing her - all you're doing is making her choices more difficult. Remember that when you decide how to act with her from here on out."
"I understand," Lux agreed. From the solemn look in his eyes, Kix actually believed that he did.
"Good," he said with a sharp nod, patting the neatly-wrapped bandage on Lux's forearm. "You're good to go. Keep it clean and dry as long as you can manage. With any luck, I think you'll be able to keep the arm."
"Thank you, Kix," Lux said, giving a deep nod. "For all of it."
"No problem, kid. Try putting a bit of spin on the thermal det next time. That can help it get through the rollie's shields."
Bonteri walked back toward the group as Kix packed the unused supplies back up so he could be ready for the next medical crisis. There would definitely be one before they left, especially if the captain or either of the generals had heard much of the conversation between Kix and his patient.
---
A/N - sorry for the tiny gif! I couldn’t find a larger version, but I think this one really summarized Lux and Ahsoka’s friendship. Thank you for reading! Please feel free to reblog so my work can spread!
#Nobody Listens to Kix#star wars the clone wars#star wars#star wars fanfiction#clone trooper kix#lux bonteri#ahsoka tano#commander ahsoka tano#anakin skywalker#general anakin skywalker#obi-wan kenobi#general obi-wan kenobi#saw gerrera#steela gerrera#kix is an overprotective older brother#i said it#fight me#clone troopers deserve better#more to come#please reblog
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