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#men who are more feminine... hot
moinsbienquekaworu · 7 months
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I'm sorry I'm going to be insane for a second, avert your eyes
#i will mention i'm aroace and combined with this kind of like. moe-ness i exude apparently?#will lead people to immediately think i'm so pure and cutie pie and shy and uwu adorable#and of course people never know what aromanticism is but even after an explanation they just think it's an extension of my asexuality#bitch no it isn't. they're two separate things and i am going to killl you with psychic lasers#i swear to go they hear aroace and suddenly all the contrastic aspects of my personality disappear#some people will forget that i get loud and enthusiastic about men i think are hot#suddenly i am a meek angel who's soo cute and pure!#and i can mention how much i know about & like sex in theory and kink and romance#and every time it's 'that's funny cause you're asexual' 'you're aroace but your special interest is sex what a contrast' like argh#i need aro friends!!!! more!!!!!!!!#sure i like being cute but if people could stop equating that to being a pure angel it'd be nice#like. i'm into the theoretical side of sex! i like reading about kink! in sexy AND educational ways!!#i know what sex is and i have been the friend who does specific sex ed to others a few times!#but nooo she's kind of small feminine a little shy at times and asexual so surely the millions of words of sex & sex ed don't exist anymore#vagueing people i live with <3#and i've corrected the specific person i'm thinking of!! i have!!#i've told them 'oh yeah it's a fun contrast but it IS a genuine interest of mine that i've put a fair amount of time into over the years'#and they just forget it and keep making the joke every time!#oh i am Tired#wow i have a ramble tag now
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perilegs · 15 days
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i pass pretty much all the time but hm. ive heard interesting stuff from drunk ppl i know who dont know im trans
#''haha when my bf was talking about you and i asked to see a picture he showed me one and i was like... is that right? bc i thought that was#a girl in that pic. i mean only bc i didnt expect him to have any girlypop friends haha''#yeah i mean that is an average thing to say and not mean or anything but it hits a bit different when im trans#i mean the person saying that didnt know and if they did they would have never said anything like that#but it's still a bit. hmmm.#also the topic of my looks came up and it's funny how everyone thinks i'm cute#i wish i could b masc hot but im fine with being cute. not everyone can look good the same way#but like it's so common for the only compliment transmascs get being ''cute'' for various reasons but i think in my case it's just my#wavy hair and slight babyface and round features#which yeah ok whatever i'm still young - ive got plenty of time to start looking less like a boy and more like a man#as in even if i was a cis guy id look pretty much like this#though! im only 2 years on t so i cant wait what the future holds for how i'll look :3c#well almost 2 and a hlaf but yknow#also i have a slight. can i say this. ''tranny voice'' which. slay. but i was told i ''sound like a femboy'' which#once again super funny that ppl say that stuff bc they genuinely cant tell im trans#the only reason i pass is bc i get read as [justin mcelroy voice] kinda faggy#oh that guy over there with wide hips and feminine manners and voice and small feet and hands [compared to cis men] with an apparently cute#face who doesnt seem to know anything about stereotypical guy stuff? thats a cis man#and i love that#but also one of these ppl is not cis#if you saw me irl you'd know im insanely easy to clock for trans people#but yeah whatever im just amused by all this it's kind of fun having ppl not know im trans#but also i have a new friend who doesnt know and i think i should let him know at some point if it comes up bc idk man. it feels like im#living a secret life or something. like obviously no one has the right to know im trans but. i can make the choice of wanting someone toknow#but also hes my only guy friend who lives in this city. well technically not the only one i have another friend but we never hang out irl.#anyways i dont want to ruin our broship#i dont think itd get ruined and if it did itd just mean whatever but im still scared#agh idk#leevi talks
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unclemario64 · 1 year
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just saw the mario movie
listen, toad, bowser, and luigi's characterizations were pretty great
i just wish i could say the same about mario and peach
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revanchistsuperstar · 2 years
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Oh lol I just realized something that I just never explicitly mentioned here after taking a hiatus from tumblr and then just coming back like nothing happened:
When I was running this blog back in the day and it was an SPN blog (yeah I know) that slowly shifted into a Star Wars blog, and I was vaguely popular cosplayer, I was pretty well known for the fact that identified as genderqueer and bisexual.
Yeah I went back on my adhd medication and actually was able to focus on the triggers for my dysphoria and what I was feeling for the first time in 10 years and realized I’m a gay man whoops
#concerta done transed my gender#but honestly seriously I came out to my Facebook friends yesterday but it’s something I’ve been feeling for a while now#there’s a whole essay I could write about how I came to this conclusion#that basically I was dating people who were attracted to women and who treated me like a woman sexually#and I get really bad dysphoria from being treated sexually as a woman when I’m presenting more masculine#so basically I’ve been cosplaying as a hot femme AFAB enby for the last 12 years#and not medically transitioning because I was subconsciously afraid of it making me unattractive as a femme#but I have finally come to the conclusion of fuck that I’m a man#who cares if going on t makes me less hot as a girl I’m not a girl I just do drag#starting HRT in December and I’m so excited#I do eventually want top surgery but I honestly don’t have much dysphoria around my chest so I’m fine with waiting till the fat redistributa#redistributes whoops#and I gain some muscle from working out and whatnot#my dysphoria is much more around my hips and my height#also yeah I do still vaguely identify with bisexuality I do sometimes find women hot#but yeah I’ve always been more into men and I’ve always been open about that#ya boy is 29 years old and I’m finally figuring this shit out#lol also love that for the longest time I’m was like ‘I can’t be a man! I’m so feminine!#……..like y’all it never crossed my mind I just might be a fucking faggot 🤣🤣🤣#but hi yeah I’m Jensen and I’m a fruit. he/they please!#concerta transed my gender#adding that tag for my blog sorting transition tracking purposes
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I think there's a real tragedy in the way straight men don't see themselves the same way that people who are attracted to men see them. If you ask a straight man to describe what an attractive man looks like, there's very little variety - the masculine male ideal is tall, broad-shouldered, square-jawed with a cleft chin and built of sculpted muscle. The stereotypical image of an Alpha Male, someone whom he could respect, and envy.
And sure, there are plenty of women, gay men and people of all sorts who are attracted to to this specific type, even exclusively attracted to it, there is so much more variety in this, both in the tastes and their subjects.
The stereotype of "hot wife, ugly husband"-couples was drawn from the observations of straight men, from their own perspective. Women going after men that men find unattractive makes no sense to them, and they figure that women are willing to overlook being ugly if a man's funny, smart or rich enough. If a woman insists that she's attracted to a specific man who isn't attractive by their standards, they'll assume that she's lying.
The tragic part is when a man who believes himself to be ugly grows bitter over this, developing a foul personality which people do find repulsive, and then uses their repeated experiences of being romantically rejected as proof that they're physically unattractive, insisting that surely women would overlook his heinousness if only he was tall and muscular enough, and had the right bone structure. The self-feeding vicious cycle of being a bitter incel is born.
The thing about "ugly men with a good personality can still be attractive" is that they're usually not even ugly. Some people do genuinely find fat and hairy men, thin and delicate men, short men and feminine men attractive. There's as much variety as in cheese, you can't compare aura to brie. And just like in cheese, as long as you're not toxic, somebody's into that. You just need to find the right wine to compliment it.
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prosciuttulipa · 2 months
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Period Pain, Go Away
how the JJK men help you through your period
content: afab reader x jjk men, just fluff this time! brief dirty joke in Toji's one (because he's Toji), but every one of them is a good boi in their own way <33
a/n: on my period and am in much pain v_v i can't decide who i want to comfort me, so i'm writing for all of the men i want
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Gojo Satoru who isn't just your boyfriend during your period, but a "girl's girl". He wants to spoil you with desserts and eat the leftovers that you can't finish, do face masks with those cute cucumber slices over the eyes. You want a bath? He's already drawing one, dunking in bath bombs till the water looks like a small galaxy, putting on your comfort show so you can watch it while you soak.
Dealing with pain through fun and smiles has always been his way of coping. So, yes—maybe he does look a bit silly, gossiping with you while you paint sparkles onto his nails, his hair tied up with a pink scrunchie. But what's a boyfriend for, if not to be your Ken doll during your time of need?
It hurts him more than he likes to admit, to see you wince at a bad cramp, or come out of the bathroom with the colour drained from your cheeks. When you can't manage anything more than lying in your bed, he'll rest his head against your stomach, peppering kisses wherever it hurts. "Be good to my girl," he'll jokingly threaten your uterus, poking your tummy gently, "she deserves the world."
Geto Suguru who knows your period is coming before you do. Your irritable mood and food cravings clue him in, and he takes action without saying a single word.
The day your period starts, you realise that the feminine products you usually use have been fully restocked without your notice. The fridge is filled with your period cravings, enough to last a week. Before you can even say anything, a large hand wraps around your waist and presses a hot water bottle against your abdomen. "Good morning, princess," he greets you like he hasn't just pulled off what can only be described as a small miracle, "is everything to your liking?"
You don't know whether to laugh or cry at how perfectly he's predicted you. He's a step ahead of you throughout your entire period, knowing which snack or act of affection you want just by your expression. Some might call his behaviour unreasonable; frankly, he thinks it's bullshit. "Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer," is what he quotes, when you ask him why he's so observant. "What makes you think I do not absolutely and utterly worship you?"
Nanami Kento who is obviously written by a woman, and so does not flinch when he sees the blood on the bedsheets when he wakes up earlier than you. Instead, he kisses you good morning till you're giggling, distracting you so you don't get a chance to see the stains. He changes the sheets while you're in the bathroom, throwing them in with the rest of the laundry. When you come back out, worrying you dirtied the bed, he merely shrugs. "I didn't see anything, darling."
He treats you like a queen on the daily, but during your period, you're his empress. Each word is law, each action his cue to immediately come to your aid. He'll cook every meal, and won't let you hold the spoon to feed yourself if he can help it. As far as he can see, your only responsibility this week is to lounge around, and let him spoil you rotten.
He thinks it's a crime that you still have to go to work, when you have to pop painkillers with your breakfast just to make it through the day. "I can take care of you, you know," he'll inevitably murmur, kissing the shell of your ear, "I make enough money to support us both. Take the day off, dearest. They don't need you more than I do."
Toji Fushiguro who manages to piss you off on the first day of your period. "What size pussy you wear?" he calls to ask, when he's picking up your feminine products at the corner store, "gotta make sure I take care of that kitty for all the squeezin' she does on me."
When he gets back home and finishes getting an earful on how you're more than just his pocket pussy, he apologises by scooping you up in his arms. "You know you're more than just a good fuck, doll," his words carry a rare sort of honesty, coming from him. "You're a good woman. My woman. Gun's in the second drawer, sweetheart—shoot me if I ever do wrong by you."
His touches turn softer, the smack to your ass replaced with a squeeze on the hip, kisses on your shoulders. He's got a hand on you at all times, just rubbing idle circles against your stomach or lower back to soothe your cramps. When bedtime comes, he makes you lay on your tummy, massaging away the tension in your muscles until you're all nice and pliant. He may not always know what to say, but he'll be damned if his actions make you feel like he doesn't love you.
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leonstamatis · 10 months
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one of the more interesting parts of the barbie movie i think is the presence of weird barbie, actually. like yes, the kens serve to show how women being in power isn't actually that much better than men being in power, because consolidating all that power in one group means the other becomes disenfranchised and lower status or class by default. but there are also interesting things to be said about femininity and the way this movie addresses it!
like, look at every single barbie and you'll find a lot of extremely feminine women. yes, they win nobel prizes for literature and they're scientists and they have a whole range of skills. but they're all also conventionally attractive and feminine, for the most part -- excluding that one line about "you're a physicist, do you want some pants?" (very odd, bc it's not as if scientifically inclined women cannot also be effeminate, but that's a whole other point i'm not going to get into right now.)
the only one who is not stunning, who is not put together, is weird barbie. and despite her status as part of the socially established higher class via being a barbie instead of a ken, she is still ostracized, because her version of being a barbie is not what is expected of the group. she does not comply with the guidelines and rules and structure of femininity. sure, she has a dream house, but it's away from everyone else. sure, she's a barbie, but everyone calls her weird and stays away from her, and she's a sort of old wives' tale about what could go wrong.
while she may receive some benefits of being a barbie, i.e. a woman, in this hierarchical structure, she does not receive all or even most of them -- because she performs it incorrectly. (aside: i wish they hadn't cleaned her up and made her into an attempt at hot alt pink fashion toward the end. when she's more put together, she loses a lot of what makes her special, i think.)
allan fills a similar niche, in that he is neither allowed a place within the power structure when the barbies are in control nor when the kens are. he is a man, as far as we know, but he is not a ken. and because he is not performing his identity in the ken-approved way, he does not reap the benefits when they take over. he continues to exist as lesser, and aligns himself with the barbies.
i suppose the point i'm trying to make is that both weird barbie and allan serve an important role in this movie in pointing out the ways that those who exist outside of perceived binaries or structures are still yet harmed or disenfranchised by the enforcement of them. if that makes any sense at all.
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soulren · 11 months
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Go spend some time on male pattern baldness or male(AMAB) balding forums/subreddits and such. I did after realizing it is happening to me and the ammount of people who truly don't realize how BRUTALLY it tanks people's confidence and mental health is insane.
There's no cure to baldness by the way, and it can start at any time and there's no way to predict how fast or slow it will go. The only real working option is a daily pill that usually just halts it, but it can stop working or just slow it down or cause major side effects. To regrow you have to use a daily topical solution, or use a roller to wound your scalp. None of these are surefire by the way, and if you stop them you'll just lose your hair and whatever you regained. It's a daily involved thing that might not work and often at best just retains. The best drug, the one that occasionaly gives regrowth, also causes shedding at the start, and can have side effects from growing breasts to brain fog to EDsyfunction(sorry, censoring cause tumblr). Now, those are INCREDIBLY rare and almost never happen but it weighs heavily on the mind of those already spiraling.
But that's just background. What I'm here to talk about is the pure woe you'll see on those forums. People speak as though their lives are over, as though they've lost every chance of finding a woman(predominantly, there's a running idea in such places that women don't like bald men or like them less) or doing anything. You can read countless stories of people who describe that they no longer go outside, are now filled with anxiety and self-hate, have gone from extroverted to never showing their face. And some of these people are kids who lost their hair in high school or even before, or are holding as best they can to a very receded hairline and feel like there is nothing they can do.
And then there's something touched upon far less in those communities, but is important to bring up here; baldness and masculinity. There's the horror of knowing so much of society sees a bald guy as a very masculine guy, at seeing that the best advice for being hot and bald is "grow and beard and big muscles bro". Imagine now you're AMAB balding and nonbinary, or a trans woman who doesn't want to be on hormones.
Just genuinely take the time to look at those forums no matter who you are. Understand what these people go through, what I am currently going through. It is soul-crushing, spiraling, brutal. I have the dream of one day being like Brennan Lee Mulligan or Matt Mercer and starting to lose my hair made me feel like I could never. I felt like and still feel like I would have to be masculine, have to be a bro-y dude, have to look older than I was(I'm fuckin 22). It was the feeling that I could never dress feminine again, never present as a woman when I wanted to again, that I'd always be viewed as a bald guy before anything else.
This is an incredibly vulnerable post for me, and I hope it reaches you all as well in a kind and understanding mood. There's a tendency online for people to joke about baldness, to make fun of it, to treat it as a playfull silly thing but it fucking ruins lives, and it shouldn't. It happens to half the population's sort of bodies and very often. It should just be a neutral thing. You don't need long hair to be feminine, you don't need hair to be feminine. You don't need hair for anything. I guess I'm just saying in general that everyone should be kinder about balding, more understanding, and view it with as much import as they'd view the pixels between this sentence and the next. None at all, I mean.
And for those like me, very feminine guys who wanna keep that and don't want a beard and are terrified of balding, here's some names and I do hope others that see this will add more; Mr. Bruce (also in The Correspondents(band) Alex Ward in LA By Night Jason Carl in LA By Night Cecil Baldwin of Welcome To Night Vale Bob The Drag Queen RuPaul(in looks alone, I know about the whole fracking stuff but this post is about looks) tananasho on instagram Also your mannerisms and style of dress will convey femininity far more than your hair. Yea sure a front-on neutral shot of you may not and maybe you need makeup and stuff, and hell maybe a lot of people might reject you more but it'll just filter down to the people for you.
And to all you artists and writers and creatives; make more bald characters. Try it out. Feminine ones, masculine ones, all sorts. None of the copout nonhuman sort, just dudes and girls and mates and individuals who are all sorts of things and also bald. It might make a few of the people going through the various vortexes of pain that balding causes feel a bit better.
And to those noticing I did not adress female hair loss much here, that was intentional. I am AMAB and currently a nonbinary guy who goes by any pronouns but often likes to present as fem. I learned I was possibly losing my hair and lost two months of my life, no work or going or anything, to male hair loss forums and research and spiraling. Checking my hair twenty times a day, unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to think. And my situation was NOT unique, but it also did not give me any experience or understanding of female hair loss and what AFAB people may go through with that, so I don't feel knowledgeable enough to speak on it. Also living with baldness WILL get easier and you will find something that works for it, by virtue of simply living with it. Things get easier with time.
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watchmegetobsessed · 11 days
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BEHIND BARS
A/N: this fic is my coping mechanism with my own shit and im more than eager to read your thoughts, because it would help me knowing im not alone with these thoughts. so this one goes out to all the big girlies who struggle with loving themselves!
WORD COUNT: 9k
WARNING: sexual content
SUMMARY: You get stood up by your Tinder date, but at the same time you run into a man who works at the bar and seems to be into you. Or that's what you think when you read his message he wrote to your receipt, asking you to return to the bar the next day.
MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!
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You harbor the delusional thoughts of your date getting caught up in something… anything, just a tad more, just so that the heartache comes a few moments later. It stings, probably more than you’d ever admit to anyone, but you can’t help it. 
Sitting on the barstool in the dimly lit bar you glue your eyes onto your pornstar martini, the second you’ve had since arriving an hour and about five ‘Where are you?’ texts to Brannon before. All of them sit delivered but unread in your messages. You reach for the glass and finish the drink in two big gulps, the alcohol bringing an almost numbing sensation to your closed up throat, but it fades rather fast. 
What hurts the most is that this is not a first date. He met you just three days ago on the coffee date you two arranged once you were over just exchanging messages on that awful dating app you always swear to never download again but end up back on it at one point. It’s not like he would have walked in tonight and could have a shock about your looks, that you do in fact have quite some extra weight, your thighs are thick, curving into your ass that might look good on a better day, but only if it’s covered, because every time you look at it the only thing you see is the stubborn cellulite you can never get rid of. He saw that you’re miles away from having a flat stomach, you weren’t blessed to be the kind of big girl who has a slim waist and beautiful round waist. You often stop in front of the mirror to assess how big your arms look if you wear something sleeveless, how your collarbones only show if you put your hands to your hips and force your shoulders forward to bring them out. 
He saw all of these. Yet he suggested meeting again, pulling you into a ridiculous dream that he might be different and you could finally have the burning, passionate love you’ve always dreamed about.
Now it feels more like a nightmare. 
“Another one?” 
The bartender appears in front of you, one hand on the counter, the other one on his hip as he looks at you with a questioning look. You glance up at him, then at the empty glass and decide to just fuck it and get drunk before going home and raging your fridge for whatever comfort food you can find. 
“Sure. Bring a shot as well.”
“Vodka, tequila, rum or…?”
“Vodka sounds fantastic,” you breathe out as you square your shoulders and run a hand through your hair.
The guy nods and then disappears again. While he is making your drink you decide to have a trip to the bathroom. You wave at the bartender to let him know you’ll be back and when he nods you make your way to the back. 
You chose the bar for tonight, it’s a nice place, feels intimate and… hot, maybe that’s the word you used when you were here with your girlfriends a few weeks ago. It was the perfect spot for a girly night, but the vibe of the place definitely doesn’t limit it to a strictly feminine spot. There were plenty of men around even then and one mysterious man sent over a whole round of drinks, he remained unknown but he was probably enamored by one of your friends.
You were convinced Brannon would like this place and you could see the two of you curled up in a booth, finally overstepping the awkwardness of being around someone you met online. 
Once you’ve done your business you stop in front of the massive mirror next to the sink and have a moment to look at yourself in the overhead lights that bring out everything about your body that you usually fight hard not to think about. You hate it how one inconvenience can make you feel so… ashamed. Hopeless. Worthless. 
Truth is, you’re tired. You’ve had enough of these experiences, though it’s only your second time getting stood up, but it goes under the same cases of going completely unnoticed by men in a social setting, ending up instantly in the friendzone no matter what you do, getting the talk of ‘but I see you as a great friend, I hope we can stay friends’ whenever you dare to come clean about your feelings for someone. It sucks the life out of you and you’re not sure if you have any more left to keep trying. Because the chance of ending up alone anyway has been looming over your head for way too long to ignore it and if it ends up being your reality, you’d rather not waste any more time and energy on trying. 
When the tears start stinging your eyes you turn on your heels and head out, not wanting to have a full blown breakdown in the middle of a bar. Stepping out to the hallway you’re just about to march back to your previous spot to chug down your drinks shamelessly, but you weren’t expecting anyone to be right outside the door, so you collide into someone just as your heels hit the carpeted floor outside the restroom. 
It’s not at all the gracious kind of collision, where the man scoops you into his arms and holds you against his chest to stop you from falling. Out of reflex, your hands do find the guy’s chest, but you push yourself away from him fast and panicked, your back hitting the door that just closed behind you and you’d bet a good amount that your expression reeks of shock and the sadness from previously, which is not a gracious combination. 
“I-I’m sorry,” you exhale sharply as your eyes take in the man in front of you. 
Tall, well-built in a black, fitted suit with a black silky shirt underneath the jacket, the first few buttons are left undone, teasing a glimpse of tattoos and a thin necklace with pendants hidden from your vision. His brown hair is trimmed, but not enough to conceal how the strands curl and swirl. Pink lips curl into a smile and you can’t decide the color of his eyes because it’s too dark here, but they appear to be light, even despite how big his pupils are as he is staring back at you. He is holding up his hands in front of him, as if he is readying himself to catch you if you decide to fall anyway. 
“In a hurry?” he asks and his velvety british accent caresses your ears. You blink at him for a couple of moments dumbly before finding your voice to reply.
“No,” is all you say, to which his smile just widens and you catch his eyes dip down, running along your body before they return to your gaze. 
“Be careful then, Angel.”
“Sorry,” you breathe out, finding your balance again as you’re unable to look away from him. 
He is the kind of man that catches every female’s attention upon walking into a room, who could easily just cherry pick who he wants, because women line up in front of him just to earn a glance from him. He looks elegant and lively at the same time, but you instantly feel a sense of mystery and darkness linger around them even despite his warm smile. He is nothing like the men you ever dealt with and he is… way out of your league. 
Lifting your chin you spare him with one last look before walking away, fighting the urge to look back if he is still there or maybe you just imagined him. 
Your drinks are already waiting for you by your seat and you down the shot before you could climb back to your seat. Given the fact that you came with an empty stomach, the alcohol has started working its wonders on you. You feel a low buzz in your chest, a slight numbness in your head and you know the martini in front of you will be your last drink if you want to make it back to your place. 
Your thoughts are still circling around the man in the hallway when you spot him again from the corner of your eyes. Down at the end of the bar, he is talking to the bartender who’s been serving you. His jacket is gone, so you see the silky shirt hanging elegantly from his frame, the fabric shimmering in the light that comes from behind the bar, illuminating the wall of expensive bottles showcased. The sleeves are rolled up, revealing that his left arm is heavily tattooed, but the other one has something as well, but half of it is hidden underneath the shirt. 
He is helping the bartender unload some bottles into the fridge that’s underneath the counter as the talk. When they are down to the last one he stands up and runs a ring-clad hand through his hair and his eyes move up and catch your gaze before you could look away and pretend like you weren’t ogling him. Your cheeks burn up right away as you snap your eyes back at your drink in front of you. With silent prayers that he won’t come closer, you busy yourself with the only thing you can do: drinking. But just as you lift the glass to your lips you see a black form walk up to where you’re sitting and you can’t stop yourself from looking up at him. 
“Can I get you anything else?” he asks with a charming smile, his hands planted onto the counter in front of you, giving you the chance to see the veins running underneath his smooth skin and for a split second you can’t help but imagine what it might feel like to be held by those hands. 
“Um, no, I’m good. Thank you.”
“Good,” he repeats, but it drips with something else, something more, something… heavy. “Waiting for someone?”
His question came out of the blue, you weren’t expecting him to strike up a conversation and start it with that. Your muscles tense and suddenly, after being so drawn to keep looking at the man in front of you, it becomes your priority to avoid his gaze at all cost. 
“No,” you say shortly and take a sip, no, a gulp from your drink. 
What you don’t see is how his face darkens. The smile fades and his eyebrows draw together as he lets his hands fall from the counter and move to cross over his chest. 
You expect him to move away from the rather tensed and awkward scene, but he remains standing in the same spot until you notice him turn around, but just to grab two shot glasses, he fills them up with something that could easily be vodka again, but you wouldn’t know because you don’t see the glass he pours from. Then he turns around and places the shots onto the counter, pushing one a little closer to you. When you look up, you see his head a bit tilted, waiting with a questioning look and an unknown sparkle in his eyes that are green, now you’re sure. 
“Oh, I shouldn’t… Um…”
“Just this one. As an apology on behalf of the piece of shit who is too blind and idiotic to see what he missed out on.”
Your breath is caught in your throat as you stare back at him. For a second, you let yourself believe that there’s more behind his words, that there’s attraction, lust and desire. For you.
But then your usual mechanism kicks in and your mind is quick to turn it around and convince you it’s not at all like that. He just feels sorry for you, it’s only pity, because a man like him would never be interested in a woman like you. 
“Sure,” you whisper with a nod and take the shot. He takes his and holds up, waits for you to do the same. 
Then he gives you a nod with a charming, crooked smile and your eyes remain locked on each other as you both take the shots. It’s vodka and it burns, but you don’t even flinch as you put the glass back onto the counter and watch him snatch it away. He is just about to say something when the bartender calls out for him from the end of the bar, but because you weren’t listening, you miss what his name is. He looks back at you once more and then walks away. 
You don’t see him for the rest of the time you spend there. Finishing the drink you ask to close your tab and then you’re getting ready to leave when the bartender slips the receipt over to you. At first you don’t even pay any attention to it, but then you notice something is different about it. You grab it from the counter and then read the words scribbled onto it with a black marker.
Please come back tomorrow.
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You feel like an idiot all day. Trying to keep yourself busy by cleaning and cooking, no matter what you do you always find yourself looking at that damn receipt, reading the words over and over again. Since you left the bar yesterday until this moment, you’ve thought of every possible scenario why he would ask you to return. Realistic ones, ridiculous versions, you thought of them all, but somehow you always ended up settling on the same one, even despite the fact your mind has been fighting hard not to let you believe he could want anything from you. 
It grinds your nerves all day until you decide to act on it. You put on a pair of jeans and a simple black shirt with your trusty sneakers, nothing extra, very far from looking fancy and then head back to the bar before you could talk yourself out of it. 
It’s the afternoon on a Sunday, it’s no surprise the place is deserted when you walk in, only a handful of people are lingering around here and there in contrast to the buzz it had yesterday. You try your best to settle the uneasy feeling in your gut as you walk up to the bar. There’s a woman standing behind this time who you didn’t see last night. She’s drying glasses with a cloth since there’s not much to do without anyone sitting on the stools. 
“Hi, what can I get you?” she asks with a bright smile as you walk up to her. 
“Um, I was wondering if the guy who worked last night was working today? Brown hair, tattoos… I don’t… know his name.”
It’s an understatement to say you feel awkward asking around about the guy even though he practically asked you to come back. At least he could have given you his name to avoid appearing like a stalker. 
The woman furrows her eyebrows as she purses her lips, tilting her head.
“I swear I’m not here to make a scene or anything,” you add with a nervous laugh. 
“Ah, I was just thinking. Because I know for a fact that Nico was working last night, but he for sure has no tattoos.”
You swear you saw the tattoos on his chest and arms, you did not just imagine those, but now you’re doubting yourself.
“He, uhh, he wore, like, a black suit and a black, silky shirt… Rings…” This is as far as you can go describing him without adding details you’d rather keep to yourself. Like how his hands looked delicate but rough at the same time, the way his lips curled when he smiled could push all the air out of your lungs and his smooth, velvety voice was like you were wrapped into a warm, soft blanket whenever he talked.
Luckily, you see her face light up at the last few details you just said.
“Oh! You must be…” She doesn’t finish it, just lets her smile stretch wide as she squares her shoulder. “Let me grab him for you,” she then winks and before you could get another word out, she disappears. 
Laying your hands flat on the bar top you start drumming nervously as you wait. A thought flashes through your mind that it was a mistake coming here, trying to convince you to just leave before it’s too late, but you fight it and shove it to the back of your head, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip as you pull your hands back and start rubbing your palms against your thighs. 
A few seconds later the woman appears from the back with the same wide smile and just when you start to think the man is not here, he follows her out, turning your sanity upside down with just a simple look. 
He is wearing a black t-shirt this time, short sleeved, putting his previously mentioned tattoos on perfect display. The shirt is tucked into a pair of gray dress pants that hug his waist so well, you’re drawn to stare at his body for a few moments as he moves closer behind the bar. 
The bartender woman passes you while the man stops in front of you, a cheeky, but genuine smile tugging on his lips as he leans onto the counter just like how he did yesterday, only this time you see his muscles flex from the movement thanks to the short sleeves. 
“What a pleasure to welcome you back.”
Your knees threaten to give up for a second from hearing his voice again, as if it’s proof that you didn’t just make him up last night, he is not just a mirage. 
Reaching into your purse you pull the receipt out and slide it over to him. 
“You invited me back.”
“I did,” he nods, not even glancing down at the piece of paper, like he doesn’t need to be reminded of what he did. “But I didn’t know you’d actually return.”
Unsure what to say, you allow yourself to assess him, take in his perfectly carved features, the unruly curls, the rings adorning his inviting hands. If you were on your own, just looking at a picture of him, you’d definitely tell yourself it’s too good to be true that a man like him would ever pay you any attention. But having him standing in front of you, feel his burning gaze on you, this magnetic pull that vibrates from him, you’re battling yourself harder than ever.
“I was curious,” you admit at last. 
“Then I’m happy to satisfy your curiosity. Why don’t we sit down?” he asks, gesturing towards one of the booths by the wall.
“Won’t you get into trouble?” you ask, but he just gives you a toothy smile as he shakes his head.
“Don’t worry about that, Angel. Go ahead and sit, I’ll make us a drink.”
Once you’re turned away and walking towards a booth you let out a long, shaky breath. 
“Get a grip,” you tell yourself as you slide into the booth and try to get comfortable. It’s frustrating a man could have an effect this powerful on you after barely even talking to him. What kind of black magic is he practicing?
A few minutes later you see him walking over to you with two drinks in his hands. One is obviously a pornstar martini for you, the other one you don’t know. It’s in a simple, short glass, one big cube of ice, the drink itself is a nice amber color, you spot a curl of orange peel and some fresh rosemary in it. 
He slips into the booth with ease and moves closer to you than you expected as he places the drinks to the table. 
“Might be best if we started with our names,” he suggests. “I’m Harry.” 
His name rolls off his tongue so ravishingly, you have to stop yourself from repeating after him. He holds out a hand for you that you take. Your skin starts tingling the moment it meets with his warm touch.
“Y/N.”
“Such a pleasure to meet you, Y/N,” he nods, giving your hand a squeeze before letting it go. 
While you feel a bit awkward, trying to find a way to sit beside him, it appears he is quick to find his place, crossing one leg over the other, his arm closer to you is stretched over the back of the booth, his hand falling somewhere behind you, but it’s not touching you. His other hand is gently playing with his drink, twirling it between his fingers. 
“I know it’s probably not the best thing to start with, but I just have to ask. Last night, were you stood up?”
All your blood rushes to your head and your palms start sweating as you turn your head away embarrassed. You’ve been so caught up in him that you kind of forgot about what Brannon did. 
“Yes,” you whisper, hands dropping into your lap as you nervously fidget with your fingers.
The hand that’s been behind you moves to the side of your face, his knuckles gently brushing across your cheek, just enough to make you turn your head and look at him. 
“Don’t even think for a moment his behavior lessens your worth.”
“I’m not so sure if there’s any left of that to lessen.”
The words leave your mouth before you could even think them through, surprising you with their bluntness. You’re not one to share such personal thoughts with a stranger, not even your closest friends. 
Harry stares at you with an unreadable expression and you half expect him to just let it slip and not acknowledge what you said. But he sticks to that in a way you never experienced.
“I would give an arm to have the chance to show how much I see just after spending only minutes with you.”
You’re speechless and from the hidden smile you notice in the corners of his mouth you assume he finds it entertaining, witnessing the effect he has on you. He grabs his drink from the table and you watch him lazily take a sip before placing it back and leaning forward, getting closer to you, but still not quite crossing an invisible line between the two of you. 
“Y/N, I know this is very straight-forward and I’m aware that we are very much just strangers at this point, but I’m more than eager to change that.”
“Why?” you hear yourself asking in an airy, weak voice. “Because you’re sorry for me?”
Now it’s his turn to be taken aback. The way he frowns almost makes you want to apologize even for asking. 
“Sorry is the last thing I’m feeling right now. And it wasn’t what I felt when you bumped into me last night or when I wrote that message to your receipt. Or… when I sent over that round of drinks to you and your friends not long ago.”
“You what?”
“You were here, maybe a few weeks ago, with your friends, right?”
“I-I was, but…”
“The round of drinks. I sent it.”
“Why?” you ask again and notice the amusement in his look.
“The same reason I wanted you to return today. Because take my breath away and I never give up on the chance to get to know whoever has that effect on me.”
You stare back at him blankly, a million thoughts racing in your head while also not able to put together a coherent one. It is everything you ever wished to experience, but it also feels incredibly odd and… wrong. 
“What kind of twisted game is it you’re playing?”
Harry furrows his eyebrows slightly.
“None. Why are you questioning my intentions so passionately?”
“Because it’s ridiculous,” you say with a bitter laugh, shaking your head as you grab your drink and take two gulps, hoping the alcohol might help you untangle the mess in your head. 
“How is my interest in you ridiculous?”
“Because it is. You cannot sell me that you spotted me among my friends last time, that I was the one who caught your attention and that when you saw me last night again you just had to take your chance to lure me here again so you could talk to me. It’s absolutely ridiculous.”
He stays silent and you don’t look at him for a bit, trying to calm your rocketing pulse. But his silence starts to drive you mad again, so you turn to face him and see that unreadable expression on his face again. 
“You’re invalidating my attraction just because you haven’t received it before.” 
It’s like he is reading you like you’re an open book, he looks at you and you can feel him raiding through your mind and you can do nothing against it. 
“It’s actually sad but also exciting to be the first one to give it to you.”
“But why me?” you keep pushing.
“Why do you like pornstar martini?” he asks with a cheeky smile and you decide to ignore how erotic that sounded from him. 
“What?”
“You choose it because you like it, yeah? Why?”
“Because… I don’t know, it tastes… good,” you answer, complete confusion taking over you. 
“See, that is why you. I don’t know it just yet, but I just know that…” He doesn’t finish, but you can hear the rest.
I just know you taste good.
The all too familiar pulse between your legs is making you cross your legs underneath the table, but Harry catches the movement and his grin grows wide, but he doesn’t comment on it, just takes a sip of his drink. 
“We took it very intensely quite suddenly. Let’s just talk and we can return to this matter a bit later,” he suggests then softly, losing that tiny cockiness from his voice for now. “What is there to know about you, Y/N?”
You need a bit of time to recover and actually start telling him about yourself. He asks you about your job, your family, your hobbies, what you like and what you hate, all while giving you his full, undivided attention. Even though he has made it clear he is interested in you, somehow you end up taking the situation with even more caution than usually, but slowly and almost unnoticed, it eases from your gut. 
“Now it’s your turn,” you say, once you’ve had enough of talking about yourself. Just as he is about to start talking, the bartender shows up at the table and you’re convinced she’ll ask him to go back to work. 
“Boss, the supplier was on the phone, they need confirmation until tomorrow morning.”
Boss? 
“Thanks Jenny,” Harry smiles up at her warmly. “I’ll take care of it.” The bartender, Jenny as you learned, nods and then disappears. When Harry looks back at you, it’s apparent he was expecting the questioning look from you. 
“Boss? Did I hear that right?”
“Absolutely did,” he chuckles. 
“So you’re…”
“I won this place. Along with another one downtown and two more over on the West coast.”
You click your tongue as you turn away to have a look around, though you’ve examined the place enough before. It’s not the kind that screams ‘this is my first business, it’s doing fairly well’, but rather one that screams wealth and business. The bar itself is definitely high end, but it’s also connected to the hotel above, so it drives in some great traffic from there as well and of course, it’s a five star hotel, so the guests are usually not the kind who shies away from paying for a nice drink. Adding just the thought of three more places similar to this to the picture is just plainly mind-blowing to you.
And yet, just minutes ago you were convinced he’s a bartender here. 
“You knew I thought you were staff when I asked if you’d get into trouble.” Harry nods. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“Because that would have immensely changed the dynamic.”
“No, I–”
“Yes,” he fights back with a meaningful look. “You had a hard time believing I could be interested in you when you thought I was a bartender here. Had you known I owned this place you would have never let go of the power imbalance that comes with the judgment of my position in my business.”
You want to protest, but you can’t. Because you know it well that he is actually right. 
To ease the sudden change in the mood, Harry starts talking about himself and the business as he can tell you’re curious how he ended up as the boss. He tells you how it all started in college, he and a few of his friends came up with the idea of opening a bar and once they graduated he and the one remaining friend who was still into the idea decided to act on it. Niall, the friend, earned a great amount of money from his trust fund after graduation, which they used to the last cent to open the place ten years ago. Feeling guilty that he couldn’t bring as much money into the business in the beginning, Harry tried to make up for it by working twice as hard. As time passed and they opened the second place three years later, Niall started to wander to different fields and only remained a silent partner in the business, letting Harry take over fully. The expansion on the West coast happened just two years ago, but they are already thinking about the next location.
“Are you still friends?” you ask him.
“With Niall? Yes, absolutely. He has his own company in IT security that he actually started from the money of this business. It’s more his world than this now, but we try to meet at least every month when we are in the same city. And I still need his signature on some stuff,” he adds with a chuckle. 
“That’s great it didn’t ruin your friendship. Working together can be risky.”
“I know. We had our ups and downs for sure, but nothing we couldn’t talk through.”
It was amazing to see him talk about it so profound and passionately. It makes him so… humane. 
His phone buzzes in his pocket and when he pulls it out, he sighs quietly. He ignores the call, but when he looks at you again you know he has to go.
“Y/N, we need to revisit what we talked about earlier, because I have to go soon.”
Your cheeks heat up instantly as you roll your lips into your mouth. 
“What about it?”
“Most importantly we need to talk about when we can meet again.”
You look at him from the corner of your eyes and can’t hold back a smile when you see his cheeky grin as he sits turned towards you, his upper body angled to face you completely. 
“The most convenient would be tomorrow,” he adds shamelessly.
“So soon?”
“I wanted to say I would love to see you in about three hours when we close, but I didn’t want to come off as too eager.”
That makes you laugh and Harry gifts you with a proud, crooked smile.
“Are you sick of this place?”
“Why?”
“Because you could come here tomorrow and I could teach you how to make your drink,” he says, nodding towards your now empty glass. You actually love the idea of that, doing something new in a not so new setting. 
“I can be here by seven.”
“I’ll be waiting for you behind the bar.”
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You have never been this eager to put down work at five finally. It doesn’t matter that you still have a few unanswered emails in your inbox, you decide they can wait until tomorrow. 
You haven’t stopped thinking about Harry since you left the bar yesterday. You can’t even remember the last time you were like this, probably in high school when you had a crush in junior year. It’s ridiculous, honestly, but it’s also quite exciting. 
You walk into the bar for the third time in the past three days. You would have guessed that a Monday evening would be just as eventful as Sunday, but apparently a lot of people like to go out for drinks on the first day of the week. It’s not like on Saturday, but about half of the tables are taken. Crossing the place you’re heading straight to the bar, searching for one particular tall figure, but you don’t see him. 
Nico, the bartender from Saturday, is on shift again, though as you reach the bar he doesn’t seem to recognize you. 
“Hi, what can I get you?”
You’re just about to ask him to tell Harry that you arrived when the familiar, velvety voice speaks up right behind you. 
“I have the lady covered, thanks Nico.”
Turning around you’re met with Harry’s warm but cheeky smile as he stands just a couple of feet away from you. Today he is wearing a pair of black dress pants with a black long sleeve, but the sleeves are rolled up above his elbows. There’s a light stubble darkening his jawline, he surely skipped shaving this morning, but you’re not mad about it, it adds a bit of roughness to him. 
“Welcome back, Y/N,” he nods at you.
“Hi,” is all you manage to push out of yourself. He is very much aware of your nervousness, but it just widens his smile. 
“Ready to master the pornstar martini?” he asks as he steps closer and places a hand to the small of your back to usher you behind the bar. 
“Absolutely.”
The two of you settle at the end of the bar so you’re not disturbing the actual service with your little scene. Harry hands you a black apron and he puts one on himself as well after helping you tie yours behind your back. Then the learning starts.
Harry is actually a great bartender himself. As he gathers everything you need for the drink, he tells you how he learned to bartend after opening the place. They had a few times when they fell short on staff and he needed to serve, so he figured it’s best if he just learns it fully rather than just clumsily mixing up the drinks whenever help is needed. 
“What’s your favorite to make?” you ask as you’re cutting the passion fruit in two on a cutting board and Harry examines your every move like a good mentor.
“I think it’s Rum Martinez.”
“What’s that like?”
“It’s a Japanese cocktail, pretty smoky and kind of complicated to make. I’ve had it twice, it was always served with a cigar. I only made it once though, but it was fun.”
Harry truly meant it when he said you’d learn how to make your drink. He doesn’t touch anything in the mixing process, only instructs you, clear and patiently as you add the right amounts into the shaker. When you put the top of the shaker on however, he moves behind you and as his arms come round you to grab the shaker along with you, for a few seconds you definitely forget to breathe. 
This close you can smell his cologne, the warmth of his body is melting you against him and when you lean back just the slightest bit he pushes forward to tighten the physical connection between the two of you. 
“Alright. Now, this is how you shake it properly,” he murmurs, his face right next to yours as his hands cover yours on the shaker. 
You let him take the lead as he starts shaking, his warm palms holding your hand against the cool shaker, moving it up and down, left and right in a controlled, rhythmic way. He is giving it quite the force, you feel the ice inside tumble harshly as you keep shaking. 
“Okay, now take the cap off.”
He lets go of the shaker, but remains standing behind you as he instructs you. You do as he said and he reaches past you to bring the glass closer for you. 
“Carefully, but with confidence” he murmurs, one hand moving to cover yours when you start pouring, but too slowly, so he helps you to tilt the right amount. The beautiful yellow liqueur fills up the glass with a perfect layer of foam on top. 
“And finally, the passion fruit.”
He points at the fruit on the cutting board and you take one half, gently dropping it into the middle and watch as it stays afloat with pride. 
“There. You just made your first pornstar martini.”
Harry steps away from behind you and you almost protest, eager to feel his warmth behind you as he comes into your view again, watching you bring the drink to your lips. You take a sip and once you taste it, you can’t hold your smile back.
“It’s amazing.”
“All yours,” he dips his head a bit with a bright smile and you can’t look away from his sparkling eyes. 
The foam of the drink sticks to your upper lip so when you put the glass down you run your tongue over, licking it off and you catch him watching your mouth with obvious hunger, as if he is ready to have a taste from the cocktail, but only from your lips. 
The moment burns and you feel it deep in your chest. Almost unnoticed, you both inch closer and you feel an irresistible pull towards him. Your heart is drumming in your throat and the muscles in your torso tense even at just the thought of kissing him. 
But right when you are about to cross the line Nico’s curse pops your bubble and Harry’s head whips around in alert.
“Shit!” you see Nico jump back from the counter, one hand wrapped around the other, a cutting board with lemons and a knife left behind.
“What happened?” Harry asks, grabbing a rag as he steps closer to assess the situation.
“I wasn’t paying attention and cut my finger,” Nico hisses and you step closer just in time to see him showing the cut. It doesn’t look bad, but it’s bleeding quite heavily.
“Go and clean it out. I’ll cover the bar.”
Nico mumbles a quick thanks as he rushes back before he could bleed on anything behind the bar. Just as he exits, two women walk up to Harry, who switches into bartender mode pretty fast. He gives you a quick ‘I’m sorry’ glance as he takes their order and starts mixing up their drinks. You just give him a reassuring smile and focus on your drink, patiently waiting. 
At first you don’t even pay attention to the conversation the two women strike up with him. But as Harry starts serving a man who walked up to the bar after them you notice how they stayed there and it makes you wonder so you turn your attention to their sugar coated voices. 
“Oh, then we feel honored to be served by the big boss,” the blonde one chuckles, leaning forward just enough so that his shirt tugs down, teasing the view of her cleavage. 
“Just… helping in,” Harry gives a tight-lipped smile, barely even glancing at her as he makes the cocktail. 
“See, I told you it'll be worth coming here on a Monday,” the other one giggles as she gently sways to the soft music that’s playing through the speakers. 
It’s a sight that’s an easy trigger for you. They did nothing wrong other than flirting with a man they find attractive. And you know Harry barely even acknowledged their efforts, but still, it was enough to let that evil little voice out of its cage in the back of your mind. 
They are gorgeous and you’re nothing like them. They are thin and looking around you already see a dozen men looking at them. You can never be like them. 
Deep down you know these thoughts are worthless, but once they take over it’s hard to fight them, to see yourself in a better light. Not when you’ve struggled with this for so long and spent long years to convince yourself it’s all that matters. 
There’s nothing left of the free spirit you were just minutes ago. When this happens you simply close off and want to disappear as fast as possible. For a moment you think of just leaving while Harry is not paying attention, but you’d hate to walk out on him like that so you stay there, trying to take up as little space as physically possible as you finish your drink. 
Nico soon comes back, his left ring finger bandaged up, ready to get back to work, which means Harry is free from bar duty again. He doesn’t hesitate to walk away from the two women and return to you, but you’ve let your spiraling thoughts win by now.
He notices something is wrong the moment he sees you avoid looking into his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, dipping his head to try to get you to look at him. 
“Nothing,” you shake your head, but it’s a weak attempt to mask just how uncomfortable you’re feeling.
“Y/N, I know that’s not true. What happened?”
“Nothing happened,” you push, then take a deep breath to help you swallow the bitterness in your mouth. 
There’s a few seconds of pause when you’re convinced he’ll say to end the date and then you already see yourself never coming here to avoid ever running into him. The voice in the back of your mind is already working hard to convince you it’s for the best, that it would have never worked, you’re way too different and sooner or later he would see you the way you see yourself. 
But it never happens. Instead, he silently packs away everything you used for the cocktail and when he’s done, he gently takes your hand and starts to pull you towards the door that leads out to the hotel’s lobby. Confused, but curious, you follow him and don’t say a word until the two of you stop at the elevators.
“Harry, where are we going?”
“Up. To my suite.”
“You have a suite here?”
“I do. Comes with the perks of owning the bar that’s part of the hotel.” 
His hand is still holding yours, warm and gentle, but still confident, especially when he tightens his hold as the elevator arrives and he pulls you inside, pushing the button of the 18th floor. He doesn’t let go of you as the elevator starts moving, you just stand there next to each other without a word until it arrives and the doors slide open. 
Harry once again pulls you with him, striding down the carpeted hallway to the door with the number 1804 next to it. He fishes out a card from his pocket and taps it against the lock that clicks silently, letting him open the door and that’s when his hand falls from yours, letting you walk in first as he holds the door open for you. 
You haven’t been to a hotel this elegant, not as a guest at least. You’ve attended a few conferences but you could only see the lobby and the conference rooms during those, not the rooms or in this case, the suites. 
You walk into a spacious living room  with a minibar, dark purple couches facing the TV mounted onto the wall, the floor-to-ceiling windows giving an impeccable view of the city lights. There’s a door on the left and the right, one is probably leading to the bedroom, the other one must be the bathroom and though the doors are closed, you can imagine how good they must be designed.
The suite is definitely not untouched, you see signs of Harry here and there, the envelopes on the coffee table, the single used mug next to them, some sort of hoodie thrown over the back of one of the armchairs and a Macbook lying on the desk next to the TV. 
“It’s permanently reserved for me. I spend so much time at the bar, it’s easier if sometimes I don’t have to drive all the way home and can just stay here,” he explains as you walk further inside, stopping by the window to have a look at the view. 
Slowly, you turn around and look at him with your arms crossed over your chest.
“Why are we here?”
He is standing a few feet away, his hands hidden in his pockets, but his stance feels welcoming and open even despite your closed off behavior. 
“To be alone. I don’t want the circumstances to bother you. I know things can get overwhelming sometimes.”
You remain still, not sure what to say or do. It really has been overwhelming, but only because sometimes your own mind turns against you and there’s nothing you can do about it. 
Harry pulls his hands out of his pockets and cautiously takes a few steps closer to you, but still leaves a bit of space between the two of you. 
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks so softly, it almost makes you want to cry, because he doesn’t feel real, nothing does when it’s about him. You’re so set on how unmatching you feel around him that it’s almost impossible to think otherwise now. 
“I don’t see it,” you reply in a whisper.
“See what?”
“I don’t see what you see in me. I only see my version of myself and it’s… not good.”
The tears are stinging your eyes. You have probably never said these words out loud, but somehow, you feel safe enough with Harry to bring this side of you out, though the fear that he might get fed up with it is still strong in the pit of your stomach. 
You have no idea what kind of reaction you were expecting from him, to be honest you couldn’t imagine a version where he stands his ground and doesn’t agree with all the awful things you harbor about yourself. 
But then he steps closer, his hands gently cupping your face in them as he angles your head so you’re looking up at him, holding you like that, forcing you to keep your eyes on him. 
“I want to show you. How I see you.”
His hands slide down to your neck, his thumbs are underneath your chin to keep you in place, his gaze dipping down to your lips a couple of times before settling on your eyes, waiting, silently asking for permission and though you don’t say a single word he understands you.
His first kiss is brief, but confident. His lips press against yours and they open slowly, just enough so that his tongue can tease you before he pulls back, though he doesn’t move far, his nose is still brushing against yours. Opening your eyes you find him looking at you, his otherwise light and bright eyes are now several shades darker, lust dripping from the curled up ends of his lashes as he waits for you to make up your mind whether you want to go further or not. Somehow, his black magic must have worked enough on you to mute that evil voice in the back of your head, the absence of it giving you the chance to give yourself into the moment. 
You push up against him this time eagerly, open mouth meeting his and he’s quick to react with just as much passion. 
One of his hands moves down to your waist and when his fingers dig into the soft flesh you can’t hold back a moan that’s immediately swallowed by him. You fist his shirt, desperately trying to pull closer even though he is entirely pressed up against you. 
Blindly he starts moving, pulling you with him, your kiss never breaking as you move around the couch. Then his lips leave yours and you’re forced to open your eyes just as he sits down on the couch, his hands grabbing the back of your thighs as he pulls you between his knees and he kisses your stomach through the fabric of your shirt. Out of reflex you try to pull away or avert him somewhere else, but his hands squeeze your thighs as his eyes snap up to meet your gaze.
“How I see you, remember? Let me show you,” he reminds you and though every inch of you is screaming to pull away, you stay.
Harry pushes your shirt up and unbuttons your pants before his hands grab you by the waist. He twists you around and pulls you down on him, so you end up lying half on top of him with your back pressed against his chest. 
“Harry,” you gasp when his right hand starts to slip into your pants and then under your underwear, but his other hand falls to your heaving chest as if he could calm your jumping pulse with just one touch.
“Tell me if you want me to stop, I don’t want to push anything on you.” His lips are by your ear that brushes against them when you nod and just let him do whatever he wants. 
When two of his fingers slip between your wet folds, your lips part with a sigh, your head rolling back to his shoulder just from his touch. He is gentle but determined, starts off by just moving those two fingers up and down, gently applying some pressure at the perfect spots before keep moving. Then they settle on your clit and start drawing circles in a slow pace, playing with the pressure once again, setting your nerves on fire. 
You keep moaning and gasping as you still lie on top of him, his other hand moves underneath your shirt, but it doesn’t go further up just yet, only remains flat on your skin. You can’t stop your body from falling into a rhythm, hips buckling, spine arching with certain movements, especially when he starts to gradually increase his pace. 
When a tiny shock rides through your body with a rougher movement one of your hands grabs onto his thigh by your side, fingers digging into his muscles, earning a deep grunt from him that rumbles right underneath you. 
Your other hand snaps to his wrist as you completely lose control over yourself and push his hand a bit further, showing him where and how you need him the most and he is quick to pick up on the clues and add to the sensation. 
“Y/N, Angel, let go for me,” he whispers into your ear and while his hand between your legs doesn’t stop for a moment, the other one finally inches up and cups your breast, kneading it sensually. 
“Harry, I–Ah!” You’ve lost your ability to voice a coherent thought. You have none, the feelings Harry is making you feel have taken over you entirely. 
“I know, I know,” he murmurs and when you turn your head he doesn’t hesitate to capture your lips in a deep kiss and while you’re eager to return it, you lose control over your movements when you feel your orgasm tipping you over the edge. It stretches and teases and then it washes over you like a tidal wave. 
Gasping for air, your back arches and your nails dig into his wrist and thigh, you hear him say something but his words are tuned out, you hear or see nothing, only feel.
But you feel everything. 
You have no idea how long it takes for you to calm down and come back to real life. When it happens you realize Harry’s hand has moved away from between your legs and both of them are placed on your stomach, his fingers gently brushing against your skin in a slow rhythm. 
When you find your strength you wiggle around until you’re lying on your stomach, facing him. Even though you were the only one who benefited from the scene you just experienced, you see a deep satisfaction etched across his face as his lips break out into a smile. 
“Hi.”
“Hi,” you chuckle and pushing yourself up you stretch your neck until your lips meet his. This kiss is different, it’s gentle and slow, but just as meaningful as the ones before. 
“So,” he starts as he reaches up, running his fingers down the side of your face. “Did you see what I see?”
“I… felt it,” you say, part of you afraid of his reaction. But as you watch him, all you see is that same sweet, charming smile you’ve seen from him so many times before.
“That’s a start.”
“Yeah.”
“And I’m more than happy to work on it until you really see it.”
Staring at him, you search for something. Anything that gives away the slightest sign that gives away that he is not being genuine, but you find none and it feels heavier than if you did. Completely touched by his words the tears start dwelling in your eyes. 
“Where have you been?” you ask in just a whisper.
“Well…” he breathes out, locking you in his arms. “Behind bars the past ten years,” he says and there’s a heartbeat of silence as you both realize what he just said and the duality of it. 
You both burst out in laughter at the same time.
“Not like that!” he shakes his head.
“I guess there are a lot I don’t know about you, that’s fair.”
“And do you want to know more?” He challenges you. Your laughter fades into just a soft smile.
“I do. Do you want to know more about me?”
“Everything. I want to know everything.”
Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!
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hotvintagepoll · 6 days
Text
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Propaganda
Marlene Dietrich (Shanghai Express, Witness for the Prosecution, Morocco)—Bisexual icon, super hot when dressed both masculine and feminine, lived up her life in the queer Berlin scene of the 1920s, central to the 'sewing circle' of the secret sapphic actresses of Old Hollywood, refused lucrative offers by the Nazis and helped Jews and others under persecution to escape Nazi Germany, the love of my life
Sophia Loren (Marriage Italian Style, Houseboat)—Major Italian star, first actress to win an Oscar for a performance not in English (for Two Women (1960)) and later when Roberto Benigni won an Oscar in 1999 he jumped over the chairs towards the stage going "Sophia Sophia!!" because he was running towards Sophia Loren and said he cared more about her than the Oscar, that's the effect she had on people. She was big in the 60s already even though she gained a lot more notoriety after that. And I mean. Can we take a moment and just.
This is round 6 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.
[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]
Sophia Loren:
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She has maxed out all her stats: beauty, elegance, sensuality, she's got it all. her mesmerizing eyes, her sensual mouth, her sharp face shape, her everything is so striking and unlike any other beauty in films. she was also voted the world most beautiful woman when she was freaking 65
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im submitting her in honor of my dad bc she was the first celebrity crush of his he ever admitted to me and my sister :) and he was right. shes so pretty
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OSCAR WINNER. Worked with some of the hottest leading men in Hollywood but remained faithful to her husband whom she had a loving marriage with till he died (even though Cary Grant almost tempted her once, it's complicated)
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One of the most well-known sex symbols of the Golden Age of Hollywood, and unlike some unfortunate others, she seems to have been pretty well at peace with occupying that status. She made assertiveness and a tempestuous temper seem glamorous, and although she's famous for side-eying Jayne Manisfield's cleavage, honestly? She's one to talk.
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Absolutely, drop-dead sexy, also a hard working, extraordinarily talented actress who didn't shy away from the less glamorous roles to gift us some gritty, memorable performances
Submitting this on behalf of my dad, who knows nothing of tumblr or this blog, but I remember being a kid watching Houseboat while my mom thirsted after Cary Grant, dad thirsted after Sophia Loren, and I was excited that they lived on a boat. Anyway, she's extremely beautiful and was an international star, doing a ton of movies in Italy before being recognized in the US.
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JUST LOOK AT HER Y'ALL
Very smart and beautiful, the characters that she played (I mean those in the movies that I put in the previous question) are as strong and determined as her which I think adds to her hotness.
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Global superstar and my late grandfather's long time movie star crush and for a man as quiet as he was, and as hopelessly devoted to his wife as he was, the fact that I know that means she was EXCEPTIONAL.
Big in the chest, snatched in the waist, pretty in the face 😳
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Sexy, beautiful, deep. A real star.
Her performance in "Man of La Mancha" is just so very captivating. Dubbed as "the Italian Marilyn Monroe", she looks beautiful in any movie and at any age.
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Forget the exotic sexpot of her Hollywood films and go back to her Italian career: sparking with Marcello Mastroianni as the woman who drives him mad and outwits all his fumbling attempts at macho posturing in their early films, and showing a tender side in their 1970s films. Sophia isn’t self-conscious about who she is or her beautiful body: she enjoys being herself and she wants us all to enjoy ourselves too.
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She starred in films as a sexually emancipated persona and was one of the best known sex symbols of the time. She is a great cook and her filmography is immense.
On the misattributed quote that Sophia owed everything to spaghetti: 'Did you actually say the quote frequently attributed to you, "Everything you see I owe to spaghetti"?' "Non è vero! It's not true! It's such a silly thing. I owe it to spaghetti, no, no. Completely made up."
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Marlene Dietrich:
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ms dietrich....ms dietrich pls.....sit on my face
its marlene dietrich!!!! queer legend, easily the hottest person to ever wear a tuxedo, that hot hot voice, those glamorous glamorous movies…. most famously she starred in a string of movies directed by josef von sternberg throughout the 1930s, beginning with the blue angel which catapulted her to stardom in the role of the cabaret singer lola lola. known for his exquisite eye for lighting, texture, imagery, von sternberg devoted himself over the course of their collaborations to acquiring exceptional skill at photographing dietrich herself in particular, a worthy direction in which to expend effort im sure we can all agree. she collaborated with many other great directors of the era as well, including rouben mamoulian (song of songs), frank borzage (desire), ernst lubitsch (angel), fritz lang (rancho notorious), and billy wilder (witness for the prosecution). the encyclopedia britannica entry im looking at while compiling this propaganda describes her as having an “aura of sophistication and languid sexuality” which✔️💯. born marie magdalene dietrich, she combined her first and middle names to coin the moniker “marlene”. she was a trendsetter in her incorporation of trousers, suits, and menswear into her wardrobe and her androgynous allure was often remarked upon. critic kenneth tynan wrote, “She has sex, but no particular gender. She has the bearing of a man; the characters she plays love power and wear trousers. Her masculinity appeals to women and her sexuality to men.” in the 1920s she enjoyed the vibrant queer nightlife of weimar berlin, visiting gay bars and drag balls, and in hollywood her love affairs with men and women were an open secret. she was an ardent opponent of nazi germany, refusing lucrative contacts offered her to make films there, raising money with billy wilder to help jews and dissidents escape, and undertaking extensive USO tours to entertain soldiers with an act that included her a playing musical saw and doing a mindreading routine she learned from orson welles. starting in the 50s and continuing into the mid-70s she worked largely as a cabaret artist touring the world to large audiences, employing burt bacharach as her musical arranger.
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First of all, there are those publicity photos of her in a tux. Second of all, I have never been the same since knowing that she sent copies of those photos to her Berlin lovers signed "Daddy Marlene." Not only is she hot in all circumstances, but she can do everything from earthy to ice queen. Also, she kept getting sexy romantic lead parts in Hollywood after the age of 40, which would be rare even now. She hated Nazis, loved her friends, and had a sapphic social circle in Hollywood. She also had cheekbones that could cut glass and a voice that could melt you.
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Her GENDER her looks her voice her everything
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“In her films and record-breaking cabaret performances, Miss Dietrich artfully projected cool sophistication, self-mockery and infinite experience. Her sexuality was audacious, her wit was insolent and her manner was ageless. With a world-weary charm and a diaphanous gown showing off her celebrated legs, she was the quintessential cabaret entertainer of Weimar-era Germany.”
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The bar scene in Morocco awoke something in me and ultimately changed my gender
youtube
"Her manner, the critic Kenneth Tynan wrote, was that of ‘a serpentine lasso whereby her voice casually winds itself around our most vulnerable fantasies.’ Her friend Maurice Chevalier said: ‘Dietrich is something that never existed before and may never exist again.’”
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"Songstress, photographer, fashion icon, out bisexual phenom (notoriously stole Lupe Velez and Joan Crawford's men, and Errol Flynn's wife, had a torrid affair with Greta Garbo that ended in a 60-year feud, other notable conquests including Erich Maria Remarque -yes, the guy who wrote All Quiet on the Western Front- Douglas Fairbanks Junior, Claudette Colbert, Mercedes de Acosta, Edith Piaf), anti-Nazi activist. Marlene was a bitch - she had an open marriage for decades and one of her favorite things was making catty commentary about her current lover with her husband, and her relationship with her daughter was painful- but she was also immensely talented, a hard worker, an opponent of fascism and the hottest ice queen in Hollywood for a long time."
youtube
"She can sing! She can act! She told the Nazis to fuck off and became a US citizen out of spite! She worked with other German exiles to create a fund to help Jews and German dissidents escape (she donated an entire movie salary, about $450k, to the cause). She looks REALLY GOOD in a suit. If you're not convinced, please listen to her sing "Lili Marlene". Absolutely gorgeous woman with a gorgeous voice."
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"Bisexual icon and Nazi-hater. Looks absolutely stunning in the suits she liked to wear. 'I dress for the image. Not for myself, not for the public, not for fashion, not for men'."
"would you not let her walk on you?"
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chrolloluvr · 2 months
Note
Plsplspls do Adam and Mammon with a reader who behaves like a lovesick puppy and is always battling her eyelashes at them and gets all flustered when they flirt plsss 🙏🏻
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Adam and Mammon w/ S/O who is lovestruck with them.
Note: I LOVE RJIS IDEA!!! ALSO WITH MY TWO FAVORITE MEN BY VIVZIE LIKE HELLO??
Female!Reader
Warnings: Touching, not proofread, but other than that nothing rlly!
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Mammon 🕷️:
He would use this to his advantage. If he wants something from you, he had you wrapped around his fingers.
"Hey babe, yeah, so I need something from ya. You'll do this for me right? Aw, your such'a good girl."
He is so aware that his speech and accent give such a feeling to you. He finds you adorable.
But other than the obvious exploitation, he thinks its cute. Obviously, millions of other girls in Hell feel the same way as you, but he chose you.
But other than that, he loathes in the attention and innocent looks you give him.
He will physically flirt with you. He likes to ruffle your hair, play with your cheeks (both ass and face), ,and his favorite, forcing you to look up at him. He knows his affect on you is dangerously crazy, so he uses that to his advantage.
You feel butterflies in your stomach whenever you're around him, and his loud, obnoxious self. You love how dainty and feminine he makes you feel. You are like his princess, and he is your king. (technically that is true lol)
Because he isn't a traditional man per say, but he has a traditional view on women.
He will mentally flirt with you. He gives you a certain look:
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He only does this when he wants to get you weak in the knees for him. Because he knows it works.
He will always tease you. He gets into your head like no other. When you are with him, it feels like no other man matters, it always circles back to him.
He loves the fact that you are obedient and behaved. He loathes in it. He thinks of you like a cute little puppy (that makes him no money whatsoever, but oh well.).
Verbally flirts with you. Well not necessarily always flirting, but thats what it feels like to you. Here are some things he will say to you:
"Hey babe, c'mere and sit on my lap, hurry up, we dont got all day!"
"Well don't you just look sweet, yeah? Are you tryin' to impress me or somethin'?"
"Cutie, go fetch daddy his wallet, yeah? Good girl, you deserve a little treat later, huh? You'd like that, would'nt ya'?"
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Adam 🕊️:
Always brags about it. When talking to Lute or something, he will be like:
"Oh yeah fore sure. but y'know, y/n can just do that for me or whatever. Shes just like that."
He likes that you are obedient, but sometimes it crept him out, at least in the beginning. You were willing to do almost anything for him. He liked the premise, but it make him weary how much control he had over you.
But now? He uses it against you. He will have you do things for him, like paperwork, helping him clean himself, dressing him, kissing him on the cheek, etc.
He cant get enough of how you pamper him.
Praises you. He will call you a good girl, say your his princess, etc. In a way, they way him and Mammon praise you is very similar. The only difference, is that Adam is more reserved when it comes to praise in public, while Mammon is shameless. This is because he cares about his image in Heaven, and cant do too much under watchful eye.
Also gives you a face:
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This man has such a devious grin, especially when he gets his way with you.
He does this face when he wants to rile you up. He knows he will too, since you are very compliant towards him, since he basically treats you like you two are married.
Also verbally flirts.
"Hey wifey- you look different today... did you do your hair or something? Looks hot."
"Hey babe can you do a favor for me and fetch me some water? Your the best babe, god."
"Aww you get embarrassed when your hubby pokes fun at you? Your such a snowflake babe, a cute little snowflake."
Touches you. He likes to tease your shy, pandering nature. So he likes to blow on your ear, come up behind you and pick you up, or just the occasional slap on the ass.
He loves how shy and embarrassed you become, so he will definitely enjoy continuing his antics.
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lialacleaf · 9 months
Text
To Care For A Woman
Chapter 1
Simon Riley x Reader
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Summary: You join the army as a last-ditch effort to avoid destitution, but when you sustain an injury protecting Lieutenant Ghost and earn yourself a medical discharge, you're stuck all over again. Or maybe not... Warnings: Tension, Simon wants to care for you, small reader, a little bit spicy but not NSFW, man worrying about a woman's safety, typical cannon violence, deception I'm sorry it's unedited...
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4
Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8
Simon's POV
A fear tactic. That's what Johnny called it. The infamous Ghost. The Reaper of The Night. The man, myth, and legend that was coming to act as a vengeful reaper and mercilessly take the lives of those who got in his way.
His reputation preceded him. A reputation he never intended to have. The point was never to be something for others to fear. A Ghost couldn't be seen. A Ghost couldn't be touched. Most importantly, a Ghost couldn't be hurt. Simon was safe if he was dead.
Until he wasn't.
You were just some stupid rooky who joined the army so they'd pay for your college tuition. You had the same sob story most people did. No money, no marital prospects, and not enough education to obtain a job that would sustain you in a struggling economy. No one was coming to save you, so you made a decision to save yourself.
"Mom and Dad were barely making things work financially, I couldn't be a burden anymore," you explained once as you sat next to Soap in the helicopter, your head barely reaching the shoulders of the men and women you were seated around.
It made Ghost's stomach drop, no, Simon's stomach. You were fragile and had no business having that battle rifle in your small, soft hands. People like you were supposed to have options. At least Simon believed so.
How was he supposed to give you orders as if he didn't know you had a higher chance of not making it back? He just wanted to leave you on base, wrapped up in bubble wrap for good measure. When he looked into your eyes there was still a softness there, a feminine light that hadn't been beaten out of you just yet. The idea of seeing it vanish terrified him. It made his chest ache.
You didn't need to know that however, and as far as anyone knew, Lieutenant Ghost despised you. He told you to secure the landing zone for when they got back or left you behind to keep watch on every mission possible. You were convinced the large, masked man saw you as a disgrace to the 141 and was embarrassed to have such a small fry on his team. At least that was the gossip you picked up here and there. He didn't want you to see any action, that much was clear.
"You're up late."
Simon glanced in your direction as he stirred the honey in his tea, his grip on the chipped mug, the porcelain stained on the inside from many years of holding hot coffee, tightening ever so slightly. You were seated in one of the kitchen chairs, legs folded in on yourself as you sipped at your own steaming mug.
He didn't respond and went about dumping his tea bag in the wastebasket. He needed to not look at you in your soft leggings that hugged your figure with that baggy 141 sweatshirt that despite being a size small was still too big for you. You'd be swallowed whole in his clothes, and that was a sight that a very primal part of his brain wanted to see.
There was something about you being so delicate that made him want to press his lips against the curve of your jaw and tell Price to go to hell for not assigning you more office work instead of sending you out with his men.
He had to keep his mind in his upstairs brain, however, lest he risk your life and others in the field. He wouldn't be responsible for you getting hurt.
"I'm sorry," you said all of a sudden.
"What for?" he didn't look up from his mug as he took a sip.
"For being...being a liability that you have to plan for."
He let out a tired sigh. "What happened to going to college?" he disregarded your apology.
"What?"
"Heard you tell Soap you joined the army so you could get into college, that clearly never happened."
You coughed awkwardly. "I got a little lost along the way." You didn't know what to study. Didn't know where to apply. Didn't know what you really wanted out of it other than a career that would make you money. "The 141 offered me a good salary, no need to waste tax dollars on a degree I wouldn't even know what to do with."
You shouldn't have to worry about that sort of thing. You should have someone taking care of all of that so you could read books, go on walks, and grow a garden. You didn't seem like the type who worked because they wanted to, you did it because you had to.
The part of Simon that had watched his mother go to work grueling hours at the local diner just to support his father's addictions hated that. The part of him that had watched her slowly lose her feminine glow and replace it with withered steel to accommodate the survival of herself and her boys stung. He wasn't supposed to feel this hurt. He was supposed to be a Ghost. But the overwhelming urge to care for you was making that difficult.
He set his tea down on the counter and let out a huff as he approached you. Your hair was wet, and you had clearly just come from the shower. He suspected you showered later to avoid the others, specifically the men.
And boy did that thought have him grinding his teeth. If you were his woman, you'd be using his own private quarters to clean up. No prying eyes, not even his own.
"What would you have done if none of that was of any concern?" he asked, and you let out a soft little laugh.
"You'd have me anywhere but here, huh?" you said with a raised brow.
Simon tilted his masked face downward to pin you with a stare that made you swallow thickly, brown eyes boring into your own.
He'd have you dolled up in his cabin back home doing whatever the hell you pleased, painting pretty pictures, baking sweet bread, he bet you would like riding horses too.
"I'd have you safe, y/n."
He didn't say another word to you as he turned around, picked up his mug, and left you to watch him go with wide eyes.
~
He didn't want to take you on the mission, but Price said they needed someone small enough to sneak in through the warehouse's ventilation system and gather intel.
Price told him not to worry, and that you were a clever girl. That didn't ease his mind in the slightest. He had the scope of his sniper trained on the building, watching for any alarming movement.
"Confirmed intel on the location of the arms dealer and their client, ready to regroup, L.T.?" you whispered into your radio.
"Affirmative, meet us at evac," he replied, motioning for Soap to follow him. The other soldiers under his command had been circling the warehouse from a distance, looking for any sign of trouble. He had just about allowed his shoulders to relax when the alarms started.
Ghost whipped his head around as a slew of curses left Soap's lips. "What'd the little lass do now?" he muttered, but Ghost didn't hear him, having already taken off towards the warehouse.
He was already planning how he was going to chew you out for not being careful enough when he saw trucks approaching in the distance. It wasn't you that set the alarms off, it was some rag-tag terrorist group on their way to rob the warehouse. And you were going to be right in the middle of it.
"L/N! What's your status?" he demanded over the radio. His men were already being pulled into the firefight. It wasn't until he was nearing the warehouse that he finally had eyes on you, your small form crouched behind a stack of crates.
"L/N, Move!" he shouted, providing you with enough cover to make a run for the evac. He watched as you took off, running as fast as your small legs could carry you. He was so distracted with you that the sting of the bullet in his shoulder came as a shock.
Seconds later he was knocked to the ground, by a kick to the back of his leg, and a strained grunt left his chest. His head snapped up as his attacker stood above him, prepared to finish him off with a bullet between his eyes.
But then he stopped, and Ghost's eyes narrowed at the sound of running feet slamming against the ground. He felt his heart sink watching you throw yourself at his attacker, knife in hand.
No. It wasn’t going to work. He was bigger than you, and you didn't have a clue what you were doing. You were going to die for him. Because of him. He'd never hated himself more.
He had to watch the man rip the knife from your hand and drive it into your knee, his anger boiling over as his attacker pushed you away as if you were as threatening as a sunflower stalk.
You fell to the ground in a sobbing heap, and that sound alone had Simon reaching for the man's sidearm despite the pain in his shoulder. There was a bullet in his throat before he even noticed that the Lieutenant was no longer lying flat on his back.
"L.T.? Where are you? Evac is here?" Soap's voice chimed over the radio, but Ghost ignored him as he hefted your small form into his arms.
"Shh shh, hold on f' me now. Done so good so far. Gotta finish the mission," he murmured as he squeezed you against his chest. "M' not leavin' you here," he promised, trudging towards the evac site.
"L.T.?" Soap tried once again, but Ghost didn't answer. It was too much to think, too much to hit the button on his radio as he tried to hold you in a manner that wouldn't make you cry out in pain.
"Almost there, love."
AN: Let me know if you'd like to be tagged! Next chapter will be in Reader's POV!
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suguru-getos · 3 months
Text
| Bully!Satoru Gojo x F!reader | Part 3 |
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Part I, II
Summary: You had just transferred schools, and your first day was an encounter with your new bully. He’s mean, terrifically hot & absolutely a menace. Though there’s more to that personna.
Chapter Summary: After taking an off from school, you are back & Satoru is hovering around you like a looming threat. Suguru is there to defend you this time, but with your rage spiralling, you couldn’t help but ruin the two weeks of you being amicable.
Warnings: Bully!Mean!Satoru ofc, but hey he’s a pookie at heart & he’s contemplating whether to stop!! ✋ Reader-chan snapped in this chapter, soft Sugu<3
Comment down below if you want to be tagged ^^ New chapter comes out every week!
Taglist: @mc-reborn @tvdumarvelhpsimp @alula394 @getoxmahito @knanamii @he4rts444mi @localginger22 @animeisforkings @ran6ia @creative1writings @lenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @nerdiel-has-no-braincells @zoemaelol @shoutascoffeepot @whydohumansss @nyahctrl @a-trashbag @yoontaedotin @tojisworm-5 @mo0nforme @luciledreamz @camilo-uwu @sassyfoxunknown @bitchyinternetinfluencer @bakananya @mizzowizzo @k1y0yo @bl0odycutz @daidaiseam-blog @flirtyjen @nerdiel-has-no-braincells @jihyuniepark @stupiditystaar @lu-lynds @aymasakusa @creative1writings @roscpctals99 @eravariety @nanananananaiknow @b4tm4nn @milkm4nz @millimacis @bubera974 @ranhanabi777 @bleachisfood @thealphagirl @pinkprincessglitterzombie @tojisslxtt @chilichopsticks @deegausserr @tremendousdinosaurpizza @shittyhair234
Satoru feels upset and sick to his stomach, as someone who can be often used to people grovelling for him, being scared of him, and just respecting him as the honored one. You weren’t doing any of those and yet, you were suffering all the same. Any other girl would have chosen the easy way out, what does it need really? Apologize? Cry a little? Why aren’t you doing that?
All he could see was you going back home, the summer sun not being kind to you as you drag your feet back, after carrying his school bag for him. Suguru isn’t talking to him either. He simply said he doesn’t like to associate with feminine men who want to proclaim their ego more than their humanity. Boy that fucking stung & Satoru told Suguru to piss off before he’s beaten to a pulp. It’s not how Satoru was treating you which was a problem for him, he never hoped it would drag so much. All his blinding rage of the moment is fading off easy. He couldn’t drag this for a month for the life of him.
People love hanging out with Satoru also, despite whatever worshipping there is — he still has friends. This is surely one of the reasons they lurk around despite his intrinsic, domineering brattitude. He rolled his eyes upon realizing that he’s been standing there watching you walk away & scoffs, going inside.
Your shoulders hurt but you know his and your home is too far. You decide to use whatever pocket money you have to book a cab and leave home. Once you’ve reached, of course there are questions. Questions from your mum who’s calls you ignored. “Where were you? Why are you coming home from a fucking cab?” She snarled, raising a brow at your tired features. Your parents are normal, not too supportive not too toxic. However, normalcy when you’re imposed with external toxicity sounds toxic. Or maybe they just were… toxic. How would you decide either way? It’s not like you’ve taken trial periods of new parents to come to a decision.
“Sorry; head hurts. I’ll be in my room.” You dragged yourself across the expensive marble flooring of your home. You weren’t poor, per se… you just weren’t made privileged either.
Once you reached home, you sighed, back laid across the mattress and staring out into space. The sight of you drenched in cold water, the way your shoulders have red markings of the bag straps, all because you threw some gravy over the fucking bastard! You grit your teeth, jaw clenching. Fuck you hate him.
You hate that you’re crying again, tears and frustration bubbling in your eyes as you sniffled. Leaning your forehead against the mattress and curling up. You want to kick his ass so bad. If only this parental thing wasn’t involved…
The next day you’re not in school, your period had been unbearably shitty & so was your mental health along with migraines. The next day either, and not even the day after. Satoru is getting restless every day, walking to your class and seeing your seat vacant, walking away. Why the fuck does he not have your number? Why the fuck does it even matter… did he make you leave the school? Nah- why would you leave the school it wasn’t that bad right?
It was Friday again, four days of you not being here… you really thought maybe he would count this in the month? It’s almost two weeks over! Then again, Satoru Gojo would just push it for another four days of you serving him because you were absent. When you enter the school premises, you take a long breath, alright. No biggie, he’s just an annoying bully with Daddy’s money in his pockets.
The moment you enter, you find him lurching towards you, a beaming smile with black glasses. He looks so beautiful if he wasn’t so fucking shitty. You looked up at him and before he could say anything, “I was sick, even in companies and where you work, people are allowed to be sick. You can’t really extend the number of days because I was sick. That’s h-how it normally happens.” You mustered, defensive in your stance.
Oh… wow. He was just here to say hello, ask where you were and that if he had been too annoying that you decided not to come to school. Satoru was going to be nicer. Again, broken a little because you think so shitty of him. Not that he cares… he doesn’t… he— doesn’t…. Does he?
“Yeah, yeah I get you; damn do I scare you that much?” He chuckled, hands in his pockets. You knew you couldn’t say any of the twenty ass biting replies that you had logged at the back of your tongue. “Yeah, you’re my highschool nightmare, Gojo san.” You hummed, walking away.
He’s shamelessly following you, holding your wrist. “Didn’t say I was finished, did I?” His playfulness is gone, replaced by something carnal, icy again. You only manage to shake your head no. “Four days at home got you forgetting how to act right, hm?”
Satoru leaned down, making eye contact with you. You glanced at him back, pouting helplessly and shaking your head no. “Just- didn’t think you need me.”
He didn’t really plan on it, he just wanted to have a conversation! Why were you sick? His stomach was turning upside down at the thought of you handling Japan’s heat at 3 PM that Monday. He could’ve asked if you wanted some water… fuck this. He made this bet to make you suffer & you were suffering. What’s the problem really?
The problem was he wasn’t an asshole he pretended to be… and he didn’t think this would drag so long. Haven’t you seen other girls? They fawn over him endlessly, buzzing around him & always eager to have a speck of his attention. This is what makes him pissed off, again.
“You think a lot for someone who’s as dumb as you.” He chuckled, jabbing at your self respect once more like it’s free reign. “Sorry, tell me what is it you need from me?” You just ignore everything he says and focus on one goal. For this hellish month to end so you are free from Satoru Gojo’s clutches. Though with the way he talks to you, it does seem like you could handle your mother taunting you for months about how stupid you are after giving him the money. At least… she’s blood.
“Hey” the next voice that echoed was Suguru. He was the best friend who was around him of course. You remember his gaze, it wasn’t pity towards you when Satoru practically bore you naked in the cafeteria by spilling water over your white shirt. It was rage, subjected for Satoru & Satoru alone.
Satoru raised his brow, “Don’t interfere where you’re not needed, Suguru.” He snapped, while the latter only smiled in an annoyingly calm manner. “Wasn’t talking to you.” He simply answered your bully, looking at you. “Welcome back, I thought you had left the school.” He smiled, giving you the same popsickle that Satoru had you fetch.
You didn’t take it from him, why is he so hell bent on making things worse for you? Though his act of kindness doesn’t go unnoticed. It was like rain on lava. Bubbling emotions rushing down as you couldn’t help but blink furiously to evade the tears you find coming. “N- no, I’m uh… okay. I was just sick.” You managed, gnawing at your lip and wanting the world to swallow you whole. People on their way to classes were already seeing you between the two hot-shots of the school.
“So you can cry huh?” Satoru laughed, almost in disbelief. This is what he wanted didn’t he? Anything said by Suguru which made you emotional had you snap back instantly. “Do you need anything from me or can I go to class?” You say with such hatred it’s truly shocking.
“Yeah, write one thousand times that you will not leave my side until I’m not finished talking.” Satoru says simply, oh he’s pulling off Suguru’s rage on you now.
“You don’t have to do shit- it’s-” before Suguru could say anything else, you nodded. “Mkay. Can I go to class now?”
Satoru gnawed at his lip, he didn’t want today to be like this. He really thought he could make some progress. “Yeah, handwriting can’t be shitty or you rewrite.” He pushed your boundaries once more, hoping to earn a reaction out of you yet again.
“Understood.” You nodded, walking away. Just two more weeks… just, two more weeks.
During the lunch time, you go to him naturally. “Heh, shouldn’t she sit on the floor?” One of his classmates smirked when you walked to him. Oh?
“Shouldn’t you lay down on the floor?” You asked him, before launching a kick right at his face, knocking him unconscious as he dropped down. Wow… everyone was stunned, including Gojo Satoru. Another reminder that he only has you on a leash because he played dirty, another reminder that you are different.
He snickered, of course he wouldn’t chide you for kicking some random asshole’s ass? He would’ve done the same. How he treats you is his problem. Though, you’re pissed, “This is what I didn’t want.” You looked at him, gritting your teeth. “You treating me like shit gives other people the right to treat me like shit.”
You were… wrong. This wouldn’t end after a month? What were you even thinking? There would be other people who would rise up after him to bother you. “I’ll get you the fucking money to shove far up your pathetic ass.” Here you go, losing it again…
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mysoullanguage · 10 months
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#0018 venus and their ideals
where venus is the ideal feminine for the man, mars is the ideal masculine for the female. traits the male may exhibit from his venus will be searched for in the female
aries venus — confident, self-assured, and honest women
these men want women who are self-assured, confident, and authentic. an arian venus is a venus that seeks stimulation, growth, and adventure. without these in a relationship, the man will eventually tire and leave. spontaneity and surprise are a man's love language; he wants light-hearted love but he is possessive and will ensure to keep a close eye on his woman. while he may be jealous, he looks for women who try not to "control" them or "hold them back" from living life. for him, love involves growing by expanding boundaries and going beyond the comfort zone. if he is in a relationship with a woman and feels stagnant, the man will eventually reach an ultimatum of whereby he feels he cannot grow if he is still with her. he has a broad mind and will not settle for someone who tries restricting their way of living. they could be "out there" and party or simply just travel a lot and if the woman he is with attempts to restrict him, he will feel suffocated.
emotional expressiveness and honesty are key qualities these men look for also. he does not look for someone who smothers or someone who is overly protective, but he looks for someone he can rely on honestly. these men are not overly emotional but they are very impulsive and will heavily rely on their impulses to keep them moving and going through life. as long as feelings are kept honest and light-hearted, these men will feel most comfortable in the relationship. relationships where the woman is overly sentimental or "too sensitive" can actually trigger the man into leaving as he feels he has no emotional freedom as he is actually forced into feelings things, rather than coming to his own senses. this man needs to be pushed (mentally and physically) constantly and they cannot be stagnant in their personal and love life. lively, energetic, and confident women are most attractive to this man. shy and reflective women are only attractive if the man senses her inner confidence, mysticism, and self-respect.
women who are unafraid of expressing their thoughts and opinions are attractive to these men also. they may date women who are more "masculine" than feminine in the sense that they may be more sexual and free-spirited than a typical emotionally-attuned woman who values emotions and family over sex and etc. he may date women who are independent and have their own money and lives sorted as he feels unable to be wholly relied upon.
sex and lust will flow through the relationship in big, strong waves. passion and infatuation will be strong indicators of raw chemistry. these men want a connection that triggers their mind and soul into growing and chasing. these men, being an aries venus, love chasing; therefore, the women they are with must be enticing, with something to always discover. if the man feels as though he knows his woman thoroughly or feels as though he "caught" her, he may become bored or uninterested. if he doesn't feel a fiery connection or profound attraction, he may feel dissatisfied as his sexual needs can be hard to please. he wants a woman who is confident in her own sexuality and is not interested in women who are insecure or self-doubting. he doesn't want to feel owned while simultaneously owning the woman, if, of course, his venus is negatively aspected. in extreme cases if the man is insecure or threatened by a woman's self-confidence he will "own" the woman and become controlling. these men may have one night stands or just have very light and free relationships with people where labels don't define them. they may be cheaters or just very hot and cold in relationships. for an evolved man however, commitment and loyalty are actually desirable traits in a woman, because he offers these too. he may rush into relationships quickly or just offer a very quick-paced relationship... the woman must keep up or he will have no problem leaving her behind!
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taurus venus — sensual, giving, and traditional women
in a broad sense, taurus venus are traditional men, whether with morals or actual traditions. traditional may include marriage or just very dedicated relationships. he may even have a provider mindset in his relationships. this is an insanely romantic placement with a very grounded demeanor that ultimately hides his passions and desires. he feels everything very deeply and looks for someone with whom he can live comfortably. he does not look for someone overly adventurous or spontaneous like a fire or air venus; instead, he looks for someone who can offer him the simplicity of love and peace. he loves women who value their appearance by taking care of their hygiene and taking care of their looks. they don't find unpresentable women attractive or women who don't make an effort on their appearance. this isn't to say these men are vain but, in a broader sense, these men love aesthetics; they love looking at something pretty or aesthetic. they love art and are fascinated by the magic of art and will, therefore, instinctively, look for "aesthetics" or the "pretty" in women. fashion, makeup, hair, etc. are all included in the "aesthetics."
these men might go for women who are independent and career-oriented. these men have the long vision of family and kids however, and he cannot settle with someone who does not share the vision of having a happy-ever-after with kids and love. these men are the type to spoil with gifts and surprise dates but these men do not rush into relationships. he is not insecure to bother with people just for the sake of being in a relationship. these men have no problem being alone whatsoever and will actually be alone until they meet someone who convinces them to stay. taurus men look for the qualities of loyalty, caring, loving, humility, and honesty in a woman. if he meets a woman he will not make any further movements until he is convinced she offers these feminine qualities. he is not interested in insecure women or women who have a lot of exes or promiscuous women. for him, a life of stability and financial freedom is all he wants; he looks at life as something to build rather than to exploit. by giving away his body or himself, he is giving away valuable access to people who don't deserve it. he doesn't need anybody's attention to be happy or feel free. he will also look for this in a woman.
these men are not emotionless; rather, they can be very emotional with the woman they have chosen. the only distinction is that he is very grounded in the way he expresses and processes his emotions and thoughts. he rarely lets anything bother him to the core but he is also very observant in how others act and treat him. he can be a very stubborn person with slight vindictiveness but he is generally a kind soul with little room for vengeance. he looks for women who won't mother him but will offer a balance between love and independence. he can provide for himself and is merely looking for a companion more than someone to care for him. if he is traditional, then he will actually look for someone to provide for. he may date women who are traditional or just very attractive. he may date women for marriage. he may date women who are independent; whether financially, or living alone, or working a specific job
these men express their love on a physical and emotional level. touching and gift-giving are these men's key love languages. they love experiencing life and others through touch and will devour their women with affection and attention. they are lowkey clingy with a very cold and hardened demeanor on the outside. he will rarely share his depth with people who haven't touched him emotionally. only close friends and family will know who these people really are. the ideal woman for this man would be someone who is of a consistent and hardworking caliber. she cannot let things get to her because she needs to stay consistent and dedicated on her journey to success. these men might not value materialism too much but it is also how they express their gratitude towards the woman they are with. someone who is predictable and humble will win his heart. it's like they are hardwired to be monogamous...
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gemini venus — communicative, honest, and knowledgeable women
mental stimulation is probably the most important thing for these men. for these men, a mental connection is required for any relationship to bloom. it's why gemini venus typically prefers someone like-minded as them. in general though, gemini venus are very light-hearted people with little to prove. they are opinionated and somewhat stubborn; they are superficial but very funny and optimistic also. they can be very philosophical or just very communicative. he thinks nothing is impossible for him, not even relationships, however, relationships can become a real struggle if he surrounds himself with the wrong women. to specify, gemini venus is a very unserious sign, usually very light-hearted and very much non-committal. them being cheaters or two-faced is a direct manifestation of the superficial personality they show to everyone. it's not wholly true, because that suggests these people feel nothing below the surface when they really do. it's just they are very selective about who they share their feelings with and when. in relationships, for example, they may communicate their feelings very rationally or very specifically. for women who are overly sensitive or emotional, it becomes a bore for the gemini venus to give constant reassurance when, in his mind, there is nothing wrong. the disconnect between emotions is real when he is an unevolved gemini venus. he may lead people on or be very flirty, but he may also run away quickly once he detects any ounce of seriousness creeping in.
for him, his ideal feminine is someone who can keep the conversation going forever. he loves learning and will look for someone who can learn alongside him. he loves traveling and exploring and looks for a best friend and a lover to join him. his ideal feminine is someone who can trick him, someone who can make him laugh, someone witty, someone who can challenge his mind. physical aspects are important, but this sign tends to focus on the mental to really feel anything else. they look for the mental "click" between him and his woman before he feels comfortable going further. he may prefer women who are social and have a lot of friends.
independence is a strong need for this placement. they need to feel like they have the freedom to roam and do whatever they want without the restrictive "labels" that tie them down. a lot of these people don't commit because they actually fear commitment. he needs a man that keeps her guessing at all times.
these men may date women who are independent, flirtatious, and unserious. these men may date women who are vain or just very superficial. he may prefer short flings to real and long-lasting relationships. these men may date women who are insecure or need male validation; he often preys on these as a result of being an insecure man. when a gemini venus is insecure, he will become highly opinionated, will gossip, and will cheat. therefore, the women he attracts will be of the same caliber.
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cancer venus — sentimental and family-oriented women
the ideal feminine for this man is someone caring, loving, and family-oriented. there is usually a nostalgic or sentimental connection with these men's lovers because of their connection to their roots and mother and how much they try to replicate it in their own personal lives. these men are tenacious and ambitious, being a cardinal sign. he is a leader at heart and understands the need to provide and his responsibility in building a home. he doesn't desire or go for women who are too loud or showy. he prefers women who are quiet and down-to-earth like himself. women who are homebodies or women who enjoy spending time alone are most likely his preference as he is the same. many people may associate this sign with immaturity because of certain stereotypes that cancer placements are cheaters but, in reality, it's only the case if this venus is unevolved or malefically placed/aspected. it can also be the case where these men are overly protective, jealous, or possessive of their women; these traits usually signify an underlying problem though, such as mommy issues or just neglect from a young age. for most men, they try to replicate their domestic home in their current one, whether it be through sentimental objects or just through certain traditions.
he is protective and loving of his woman. he is connected to his feminine side of nurturing and being sympathetic. he looks for these qualities in women too. his ideal feminine involves someone who is caring, loving, humble, and childish like him. he is a loyal man who will devote his time and energy to his woman, always. on the outside, he may be known as the guy who works hard to provide for his woman. he may be known as someone who's just ambitious or a workaholic. but really, he is a gooey and affectionate guy who loves hard. he expresses his feelings both in an affectionate and gooey way but also in a provider way, where he provides for his woman and gives her gifts. this is a seriously happy placement but it can also be a severely damaged one. these men may attract women who are insecure or just very emotional and overly sentimental. this typically speaks of an issue the man has, as the women he meets are reflections of his own insecurities. an unhappy home may lead him to see women with broken homes too. he may play the saviour in relationships or try to "heal" the other without realizing he needs healing too.
his ideal feminine will be someone who is sensitive to others and himself. he may go for women who are shy and sweet. he may be the indecisive type and will actually need a woman he can go to for counsel when necessary. he really just wants a best friend and a lover with whom he can relate to. this is a very needy placement and women who are easily overwhelmed or disgusted at gooey affection will not be satisfied in a relationship with these men. he wants someone he can build a family and a home with, not somebody overly focused on superficial things like money or social status (although because this is a cardinal sign, cancer venus are typically very ambitious when it comes to these things... but only because he has to!!!).
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leo venus — dramatic, fiery, and loving women
leo venus is arguably one of the most devoted and loving signs of the venus zodiac. they are loyal and care for their partners very deeply. for a man, the level of devotion he expects should be returned from his woman. an evolved leo venus will always be humble and loving when in a relationship. to him, however, his ideal feminine will be someone who is unapologetically self-expressive and fiery. he wants someone who can bring the real deal and someone who offers an undying passion for their partner. he feels things on a dramatic level and expects his woman to express his feelings, however dramatic they may be. he goes above and beyond for his partner in a love so unconditional and somewhat divine. what he wants from a female, however, is appreciation, compliments, and to be valued as a man. if he is in a relationship where he doesn't feel reassured, valued, or appreciated, or feels as though his loyalty is being tested or abused, he will quickly lose interest. he does not settle for women who lack gratitude or appreciation in simple things. the ideal feminine will involve personality and security. this may be a vain placement in the sense that these people typically go off looks or appearances but their attraction towards physical appearance wears off as attraction towards personality and actual expressions of love take over. he needs someone who isn't validated by the world or someone who has a very strong self-image. he wants someone who knows how to dress. he has a love for art or just writing and would appreciate words of affirmation. he may be attracted to women who are independent but most importantly women who are proud and confident. he does not find insecure women attractive as it does not align with his goal to become his best possible self.
these men radiate luxury and materialism. they, if evolved, are hardworking and attract very elegant women. therefore, women who are promiscuous, or women who do not offer loyalty, are instantly out of his mind. their strong desire for affection and attention are sometimes expressed in how much they spoil their woman. they love love and love being loved. leo mars in women typically look for men who are ready to bow to her and worship her but leo venus in men look for this "worship" in a different way. if the woman is outgoing and herself and offers her time to the man only, then he will feel like he is worshipped. he wants a woman who is confident in her sexuality as he is very sexual and very intimately demanding. he will have a high sex drive for his woman and will continuously look to bond with her. in general, this placement dates for marriage or, at the very least, for the long term. because these men have so much love to offer, they typically hold off until they meet their "one" or until they trust someone. unevolved leo venus men actually act gullible because they desire attention so much and are so insecure they need it from multiple women. they tend to put their trust in so many people and are therefore abused.
leo venus men are probably the tamest out of the fire venus bundle because this is a fixed sign with a very hardworking streak. they are very calculated in their work life and will look for a woman who can match the independence, work ethic, and morals that he has. he has very high standards in love and will look for a woman with matching dignity and self-respect. he also looks for optimism, support, and advice from his woman. these men must ensure that they do not attract the wrong type of confidence, i.e. women who are cocky and self-absorbed. these men may have the tendency to be self-absorbed and cocky and therefore attract women who are the same. but, they must find childishness in the woman they date because leo, in general, is very childish/childlike and heals through playing with their inner child. releasing their inner child in a relationship is very important.
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virgo venus — critical, humble, and self-giving women
virgo venus is a critical sign, especially in a man. because this placement is so logically placed, there seems to be an emphasis on logic or rational thinking in love. these men love being alone and spending time with quality friends/family. they're not the type to make friends with everyone, but instead the type to make a few friends along their journey. therefore, it's a clear sign of love if a virgo venus man decides to keep a woman in his life. his main struggles will revolve around learning humility and learning how to stop being critical (towards his woman and himself) and learning to not be a perfectionist. being perfect is great, but it is not realistic. modesty and honesty are admired and desired by these men because they love cleanliness and being tidy. they love women who have good hygiene or have a (strict) routine they can stick to, whether it be a work routine or a gym one. the ultimate downfall for this sign is being overly possessive or controlling and having standards too unattainable. on a general level, though, these men are attracted to quiet women. they don't like or desire women who are too loud or overly expressive.
these men may be the loner type, or at least the type to have very few friends. he needs a lot of time for his social battery to recharge. it's important for him, then, to have someone who respects his need for loneliness. he looks for women who are dependable and reliable because he is also. being an earth sign, reliability, consistency, and predictability are his strongest qualities. he may be overly critical or too much of a perfectionist, but his work ethic or sympathy toward the poor can never be undermined. he looks for these qualities (sympathetic, loyal, clean, predictable, reliable) because he looks for a woman who can live her value, rather than not having any self-esteem and trying to prove something she isn't. dignified women who have a lot of self-respect and humility are most desirable for these men. they may be traditional or, for example, look for maternal qualities in their women, too.
these men's downfall can involve self-esteem issues or heavy insecurities, usually projected when in a relationship because of how much they are forced to look at their partner who mirrors these men's self-esteem issues. they may attract "low-value women" with qualities the complete opposite of what these men desire because of their own "low-value" selves. these men may surround themselves with too many people because they actually fear being alone and they look for the attention and validation of others to satisfy their inner void. they experience great turmoil when they realize their critical and hateful nature actually stems from their own distaste for their own character. they become hypocritical and heavily hateful towards others.
these men don't fall in love very quickly, therefore making them very slow-moving in love. they're not quick to love or feel (but are definitely quick to judge!), so the woman can always expect the man to reveal himself later on in the relationship. he is not the one to expect immediate commitment, but commitment that is worked on instead. loyalty is everything to him, as he makes an excellent companion. these men can actually become infatuated and deeply in love with women, but it takes a long time to really get there. when in love, though, become provider men. they prioritize their women's needs and actually do everything for her.
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libra venus — flirtatious, sensual, and feminine women
very similar desires as a taurus venus man: feminine women with good taste in art, "aesthetics", and fashion. these men may be feminine themselves or just be very attuned to their feminine side, i.e. emotional, fashionable, etc. they appreciate the finer things in life and looks for a woman that is a chase but also someone with style. as this is a sign of scales, these men look for a woman they can be in synch with. this is a sign of togetherness, therefore whoever this man chooses, he will reflect. women who are "well-groomed" or just very elegant are his ideal feminine. he doesn't look for someone loud or gaudy or someone who doesn't take care of herself. he looks for cleanliness, charm, and peace without her having to do much. if you want a mental image of who these men want, think of someone with a libra rising or someone who has very heavy libra placements (especially those that are very prominent.) he looks for a woman who is respectable, polite, and confident in herself and her sexuality.
relationships promote his flirtiness and need for love and, therefore, if in a relationship, he will find himself spoiling his woman or just tending to her every need. therefore, he will look for someone who can reflect his flirtatious nature and sex drive. this is a hopeless romantic who loves love. he does not look for a woman who is vain or so focused on appearance, it becomes her whole personality. these men, as much as they want good looks, actually fall into the trap of dating women who are superficial and offer only... well... good looks. they often date women with no personality or women who cannot truly reflect the man's need to bounce off his woman and connect with her on a romantic level. sensuality and sexual grace are key qualities the woman should have because he is drawn to looks and energy.
these men don't look for someone who make relationships hard. they don't look for someone who mother them or smother them in love and demands. yes, this is a highly affectionate and loving sign but he tends to stay as superficial as he possibly can, emotionally wise. feelings aren't difficult for him but they can feel like a chore if he is in a relationship with someone who demands feelings to be felt. he prefers someone he can work and grow beside. he prefers being with someone and feeling as though he can still be independent and not tied down by chains in the relationship. he wants someone who speaks and moves smoothly, not someone who is aggressive or sudden in their approach. he actually encourages feminine behavior in his relationships and will actually help other women heal their wounded femininity. however, women who act masculine or tough are not desirable to him. to him, the ideal feminine is quite literally feminine all around.
mental stimulation is important in his relationships because he is an air venus. if he feels stagnation or boredom, his mind is easily piqued by others who offer something more worthwhile. this isn't to say libra venus men are disloyal; they can be very loyal, but to a fault, they have demands as does anybody else. air signs are constantly on the move whether it be physically or mentally. this person is always thinking, interacting, and fantasizing. if his woman does not share the same excitement as him or the same energy, he will quickly become underwhelmed. he is not impressed by women that are wanted by other men, but women who are modest, independent, and offer love only when they want it.
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scorpio venus — sensual, mysterious, and “untouchable” women
these men, on the outside, are typically very emotionless and uncaring. on the inside, however, they are profoundly emotional with a strong capacity to love. these men tend to attract women who cause severe change within themselves, as scorpio venus can be a tremendously burdening placement to have, with scorpio = change/transformation, and venus = love/friendship. with these two combined, their friendships or relationships are constantly challenged. for a scorpio venus man, love is a heavy source of change and transformation. their insecurities are usually mirrored in their relationships. they have a strong responsibility to heal with this placement. for a man, his ideal feminine is someone loyal, possessive, and caring. this placement carries a heavy emotional aspect and these men must find someone who can reflect their depth of feeling. he does not find weak-willed women attractive. confidence and sensuality are this sign's turn-ons and he will not find someone who lacks depth or mystery. for him, loyalty is not easily given. he will choose "untouchable" women who have a short history with men. they are not picky, but are just very selective with whom they have intimacy with. they will only open up to those they see long-term potential with.
this is not a sign that dates for fun or for the short-term. if he does, he is an unevolved scorpio venus. evolved scorpio venus' dates with labels, with clear possession, with clear signs the woman is his and his only. unevolved scorpio venus' usually date but fear fully committing because they are scared of rejection or facing the fact that someone might not like them as much as he likes them. typically, these men attract women who are seductive, passionate, and mysterious. they tend to keep their relationships private. for him, his ideal feminine is someone affectionate, loving, and confident. he loves women confident in their sexuality. he typically goes for women who have similar energy as him, i.e. someone with scorpio placements, with whom he can relate to. for him, having someone to relate to is important because he wants to feel understood by his partner inasmuch he wants to understand others. his red flag, however, is his subconscious habit of self-sabotaging. he may cause drama or self-sabotage whilst in a relationship. being a heavily insecure sign, it's common to see many relationships fail because of him. pluto's influence over venus causes turmoil within him, making him question his self-worth and ability to provide for his woman. it's why, for him, relationships can be scarce. oftentimes, the women he attracts are the catalyst for his healing journey. the typical depiction of scorpio is someone who brings others down in an attempt to become equal to them. here, too, the scorpio venus man might become overly controlling or obsessive in the relationship to the point of bringing down the other instead of uplifting the other.
the ideal feminine for these men is someone who can recognize the value between intertwining love and sex together. this sign is intensely passionate and will cling to whoever he loves dearly. if his woman doesn't reciprocate the same neediness or obsessiveness as he does for her, he will doubt his true feelings for her. what he wants is someone who can let him heal and grow. he is attracted to women who are quiet but fiery. he wants to know his woman inside out. he desires quiet elegance whereby the woman speaks with energy instead of words.
spirituality may become interwoven into the relationship as these men see love as an ecstatic experience more than a shallow connection. this means these men typically see relationships as something spiritual or destined. if his woman is not on the same wavelength as him on this fact, he will quickly become disinterested.
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sagittarius venus — adventurous and free-spirited women
this can be a very fun placement for those who don't want to take love so seriously. these men are born to be unserious. they are born to be adventurous and to experiment with others, especially in love. this can be a highly polygamous person or a cheater. this sign is rarely loyal and, if loyal, is only loyal because the relationship has little to no rules. this man's ideal feminine is someone concerned with the spiritual life, as well as the material one. these men are highly spiritual people, with a very strong moral compass. they have very strong views on life and can actually be very opinionated, depending on how some people view them. they may be stubborn.
for him, his ideal feminine will involve someone who can offer spontaneity and excitement in the relationship. movement or adventure is crucial for these men to feel satisfied. they actually bond with their loved ones better when they have a mutual interest (such as traveling) or when they can explore new themes/places together. these men radiate light and optimism wherever they go and will look for a woman that uplifts them rather than one that tries dimming his light. he is actually very selective in who he loves because of his adventurous and independent standard. actually, his independence may become his ultimate downfall in relationships. because they are so individualistic and independent, they often fear losing their independence in relationships and will, therefore, avoid any sort of serious commitment. it often backfires when the women they're with lose interest because they can't seem to offer them honest loyalty. they start lying and manipulating their way into the sheets just to disappear the next day. this sign is the perfect example of someone who wants independence but also wants love. they feel love on a deep level, regardless of what anyone says. they're not superficial lovers but they make things superficial for the sake of light-heartedness. nonetheless, they can make great partners if this sign has evolved into someone with spiritual or religious values. an evolved sagittarius venus can become one of the most intoxicating signs because of their positive attitude toward life.
i may have mentioned his superficiality in relationships, but his ideal feminine involves someone who can think incredibly philosophically and someone who has a deep view of life. he meanders through life with a specific purpose in mind and needs someone who understands him and why he does the things he does. he needs to work with others to figure out how life works and how different cultures live. it's why adventure is so important to him and having a woman who can join him on his adventure. he wants someone to grow with, someone to evolve with, someone to learn with. these are highly philosophical men who will trigger others into rethinking life just from their opinions or beliefs on life.
these men may not have a particular goal in mind and therefore need a woman who is the same or at least is willing to explore with him. women who rely on predictability, consistency, and money will find themselves dissatisfied with a sagittarius venus because money rarely actually matters for these men. even if they become rich, their generous nature encourages them to spoil their family and friends rather than themselves. because this is a jupiter-ruled venus, luck and abundance may reign throughout these men's relationships, but they may become too broad and general, there's hardly ever a deeper click than with the mind or physical attraction. for these men, they can be highly lustful or passionate they use sex to satisfy themselves. this isn't for every sagittarius venus, however; this is only a general observation or interpretation. sagittarius can actually be a very loyal companion... only if evolved.
he may date women who are spontaneous, spiritual, religious, or philosophical. he may date women with little to no expectations or women who don't mind having short flings or short relationships. he may date women as part of an arrangement (think arranged marriage) or he may date ethnic/foreign women. he may date outside his race or culture. he may date women who are exotic or something he's not used to. not as a fetish, although this can be an extreme manifestation of an unevolved sagittarius venus. he may date someone from one of his travels or adventures. generally speaking, he may date women who are very optimistic, funny, honest, humble, and generous.
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capricorn venus — hardworking, traditional, and successful women
these men are very traditional and hardworking. his ideal feminine will include the following traits: loyal, hardworking, traditional, independent but family-oriented, logical, and successful. social status may be important to these men but, in general, they value success and material wealth. they desire women who are family-oriented and motherly. because they are traditional, they will mostly be monogamous and will marry their spouse without a doubt. for them, hookup culture isn't a thing... if this placement is evolved. these men work for their money and are natural providers for their women, whether it be entirely or just partly.
these men value class, elegance, honesty, and ambition. these men are very stubborn people in the sense that they will persevere, regardless of circumstances. they are workaholics who appreciate when a woman is independent and can take care of herself. he looks for ambition in women, also. he does not find laziness or reliance on him attractive. he does not find gaudy or loud women attractive. modest and quiet women seem to catch his attention. in relationships, he is not quick to open up but, being a stubborn sign, will always persevere in his relationships. he is not quick to tire when it comes to working for a successful relationship. he is devoutly loyal and will always communicate openly. however, his only downfall is his emotional unawareness or lack of emotional reciprocation. he wants a woman that is motherly and intelligent. he wants a woman that is in control of her emotions instead of someone who is overly sensitive or complains a lot. being an earth sign, he is slow to fall in love and slow to propose. he is not looking for someone aggressive, but someone who is predictable, sure of what they want, and certain of their future. this sign works for its future. these men are probably one of the most hardworking signs in the entire zodiac and, while it may come with its disadvantages, it comes with a lot of advantages, too. for example, they will always be predictable in their approach. their woman will never be unsure of how this man feels for them. she will always know, for certain, where in life he wants to go. she will always feel comfortable knowing he will provide for her when necessary. she, on the other hand, must promise him loyalty, responsibility, commitment, and patience. these men work for their future slowly and steadily. if he values social status or social success, he will most likely look for women in the public field, or older women who have a lot of success.
these men look for someone mature. they're not feminine freaks but they will desire a woman who is connected to her feminine side as her maternal instincts (i.e. care, love, sensitivity, empathy, loyalty) match his masculine instincts (hardworking, providing, guiding, honesty.) these men may instinctively date women similar to their mothers. they may date women who are serious and detached.
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aquarius venus — unconventional and authentic women
these men are naturally self-expressive and authentic. they are very different from others and know this in their minds. therefore, they will look for similarities in women. women who are self-expressive and unconventional are their ideal feminine. they don't want a woman with a copy-and-paste personality or an appearance that is similar to everyone else's. really, this person looks for someone who stands out from the crowd because, they too, stand out from the crowd. they are very genuine in their approach to love because they appreciate the differences in people, rather than what's conventional. they don't like following traditions or submission to dogma but instead will create their own "traditions" or beliefs that involve their own personality. they may oppose marriage, for example, or they may oppose monogamous relationships. they may not believe in labels such as boyfriend/girlfriend, even. nonetheless, they can make great lovers because they inspire their women to take charge and to go after what they truly desire. they push the boundaries of those they love and will happily stay loyal to the long-term vision they have with their partners. they're not particular about their fashion style but they, as an aquarius venus, stand out with their uniqueness. they feel if they were to "settle" with someone who is just like everybody else, they may lose their individuality. it's why, too, they tend to refuse or dislike labels. if they feel as though they have to fit some standard instead of being themselves, they tend to run away. this sign can have some serious commitment issues but, if evolved, can see relationships as an excellent tool and method to grow as a person and learn about others.
similarly to other air and fire signs, they tend to fear stagnation or boredom in a relationship. therefore, women who are "eccentric" or women who bring a lot of temptation, chasing, and change are very desirable. these men value women who can keep their own independence and women who can let them be independent also. women who recognize the value of excitement in relationships are ultimately most desirable as these women are the ones that cause growth in relationships. if he's in a relationship with a woman that is too laid-back or predictable, he will feel like there's nothing to chase and nothing to gain from the relationship. mental stimulation is a necessity for them as they must always feel like they are on the move.
because both aquarius and venus = friendships/relationships, these people ultimately look for a best friend they can relate with. they don't date simply for sex or for love but for the bond that comes with being friends and lovers. for these people, they can be very loyal to their partner if they think their partner is both a lover and a best friend. there must be a strong connection before he feels like he can commit to them. these men don't commit easily in the sense that they must have a mental rapport with them stronger than physical attraction. remember, this sign looks for quirks and things others don't see.
these men may date women who give themselves to society or those who are good with the public or have a lot of friends. they choose to date women who have a unique style and women who enjoy being self-expressive. loyalty and authenticity are key qualities these men look for because these men look for something unique, rather than something copied. they may date women who, on some level, "don't want anything serious", or women who have very loose beliefs on traditions and the like. these men may date women who are very independent and look for companionship more than a serious relationship.
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pisces venus — loving, dreamy, and mysterious women
this placement can be very similar to scorpio venus in the sense that these men crave sensuality and emotional intensity. this is not a sign that dates for fun or for the short term. to thes men, love is more ecstatic than practical. this doesn't mean they are unreliable as lovers but they focus on the emotional aspect of relationships to the point of becoming engulfed in the idea of escaping through love with another person. he has an incredible capacity to love and will give whatever he can to the woman he loves. his ideal feminine is someone loyal, sensitive, and emotional. he needs someone he can feel back and forth with and needs someone emotionally readily available for them. they can be a hunch to date as they have a tendency to smother or be insecure in relationships. most of the time, these men attract women who are hard to reach or emotionally unavailable. this is a common link between all water signs because they crave a connection so deep and profound, they tend to force emotions or self-sabotage for the sake of feeling. he is ready to worship his female, but only if she is willing to do the same. they may be hopeless romantics and spend their entire lives looking for "the one" with unrealistic standards and expectations of love. despite the fairytale love he looks for, he often fails to live up to the dream he envisions. nonetheless, these people are devoutly loyal and, if positively aspected, can make some of the most unforgettable lovers out there. their level of kindness is unmatched and the things they are willing to do for others goes beyond just personal sacrifice.
he does not find cold women attractive. he needs someone to emotionally attune to. this is his demand. if he feels as though the connection has run out of synch he will either run away or try his hardest to revive the connection. he looks for someone understanding and committed because he offers a level of understanding and empathy others cannot offer. he is turned on by kindness, sweetness, and motherly traits because this person looks for someone quite the opposite of independent, aggressive, or just very emotionless. if any girl was to win his heart, it would be through affection, attention, and being nice.
a highly negative side to this placement is that, while he may desire love so much, he may actually attract women who need to be loved. he may act as the healer or attract very broken and insecure women who need to be shown love. this can prove to be toxic when the man begins over-giving and the woman begins abusing his attention and efforts by demeaning his efforts as she will never feel good enough for him. to him, the ideal feminine involves being mysterious and hard to reach. he doesn't like easily accessible women or women who have a lot of options. they need to feel like the only one.
this placement can be very ambitious, but he is ambitious through emotions rather than logic. if he feels something, it's felt passionately and thoroughly. he doesn't follow his instincts as much and actually prefers taking the flow with things but it doesn't mean he's idle or passive. instead, he takes his time and makes time for things he is genuinely passionate about or interested in. if he doesn't have someone who (emotionally) supports him or shares his interests, he will feel undermined or unvalued in the relationship. femininity is important to him. he likes someone gentle, delicate, etc.
love and sex are intertwined as one and only unevolved pisces venus would abuse sex. to a pisces venus, sex is the sacrifice of the body almost; it's the connection between body and mind and it is where love is truly expressed through physical connection + climax. there is a certain idealization of sex however, where it is made up to be some sort of great escape of pleasure when in reality it's a soul tie with a deeper bond.
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worminterface · 2 months
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more butches NOW. more masc women and girls NOW. comrades join me it's so wonderful over here
fuck it this goes in the main post. if you're a girl, especially if you're (as far as you know) a cis girl who's never experimented with visible gender nonconformity, and you're in that place of questioning, you have a sacred duty. cut your hair, start wearing men's jeans, start wearing boxers or boxer briefs, start working out, stop performing femininity if your heart's not in it. if your parents put you in feminine clothes as a kid and you just never bothered to stop, you'll never know what you're missing. you might decide you like femininity, or like it in your own way, but there's no harm in messing around with your identity. you deserve to be proud of what you see in the mirror. Also we're automatically hot so there's that
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nothorses · 3 months
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What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?
It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.
It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.
Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.
Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?
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I think trying to find one perfect answer that applies universally is the critical mistake here. I mean, I am a gay man. I say this because as of yet, that's the clearest answer I have for myself personally; maybe there's a possibility I experience attraction to a woman at some point (maybe I already have???), but I don't really have clarity on that right now, and it doesn't serve me to shape or explain my identity around "maybe"s.
Trying to pinpoint exactly what it is that attracts me to other men, specifically, is also like... not that useful. I used to find myself really attracted to feminine men specifically; not feminine women, not masculine women, not masculine men, not androgynous anyone, but feminine men. Specifically, men who were feminine in a very particular, long-hair-certain-attitude kind of way.
Recently, I have found myself appreciating, more and more, a certain kind of masculine body type and gay masculinity that I was never really interested in before. I find it incredibly hot. A lot of that coincides with things I appreciate about my partner, too, and things I find myself appreciating more about my partner as time goes on- as well as things my partner expresses appreciation for about me!
And I haven't even touched on attraction to nonbinary folks here because, like, it's a massive spectrum. "Nonbinary" means something different for every individual nonbinary person. To my mind, of course there's a possibility I experience attraction to a nonbinary person; how they identity, present, and what attracts me to them are all even more impossible to know for certain than the "maybe"s and the "why"s around my attraction (or lack thereof) to men and women.
My relationship to my own orientation was vastly different pre-testosterone versus post-testosterone, too. I was much more reserved and uncomfortable with relationships and attraction before I started T, and the only dynamic I ever felt was even a little bit tolerable was one where I was the "masculine woman" in a lesbian relationship. I didn't realize until very shortly after starting T that, actually, I like men. A lot. I felt comfortable with my body and my masculinity in a way I never had been before, and I felt comfortable in relationships with men; I no longer felt like I was The Woman By Default in contrast.
And that's all just me! This is my personal, specific, individual relationship to attraction, and how gender- both others' and my own- factors into my relationship with orientation.
I don't think it's necessarily inborn, or completely unchanging for everyone. I also don't think the same factors apply for everyone. I think a lot of different things can be true for different people, all at once, and it's not really useful to try to pinpoint a specific, universal explanation for orientation.
Everyone has a different relationship to orientation and gender; everyone will be influenced differently by cultural factors, by their own ways of processing and understanding the world around them, by the ways different aspects of their culture, identity, personality, and inborn traits and how they all interact with one another, and sure, maybe even by biological factors and tendencies.
Trying to solve this puzzle for the entire world of diverse human beings isn't going to make it any easier to understand yourself. Focus on what this all means for you, personally, and accept that you will never, can never, fully and perfectly understand anyone else's internal world and workings. Things get a lot easier when you can let go of that & just appreciate the diversity of human experiences, y'know?
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