A Wartime Footing: An Explanation for Aziraphale's Elevator Smile
(Based on an ask from @sabotage-on-mercury in response to my meta on why Aziraphale had to go to Heaven)
The creepy smile was one part of the ending I couldn't quite put my finger on either, until someone pointed out on a Twitter response to my meta:
The reason why its scary is bc azi is becoming properly angry at the system and is 101% determined to set things right (Source)
In season 1, Aziraphale was determined not to kill anyone to stop the Apocalypse. He wouldn't even tell Crowley where the Antichrist was, because Crowley's only solution was to kill him.
And because Crowley consistently didn't have any ideas ("not one single better idea??"), Aziraphale took it on himself to pursue the only option left––to ask God to intervene and stop both Heaven and Hell from destroying Earth. Therefore, Aziraphale had to keep the integrity of his angel status by distancing himself from Crowley, while the world was still in danger.
Despite this dedication avoid bloodshed, when God didn't have an answer, Aziraphale went against one of his core beliefs to help save the world. He was willing to murder a child.
For Aziraphale, that takes guts. And (seeing how he reacted at the end of the Job minisode), I wonder that if he had killed Adam Young, Aziraphale would have checked himself into Hell.
Going to Heaven for Aziraphale is ultimately a conscious choice, one that he is clearly afraid of. We see him constantly steeling himself again the Metatron in the end, covering his fear and hurt from losing Crowley with a placid smile and a flippant attitude. He's wearing so many masks, to Crowley, to himself, to the Metatron...
All season we've seen him playing roles (detective, magician, doctor, landlord). But the final role is warrior. Going up that elevator, we first see Aziraphale's eyes searching, worried, panicking, but unable to show it because he's not in a safe space. He swallows, blinks, he's breathing hard (you can see his entire shoulders rise and fall).
But as he goes up, his expression steels. He's quite literally putting on a mask (to himself): a vengeful, hardened expression of pure anger and rage (to drown out the fear and uncertainty he so clearly still has).
Michael Sheen conveying contained anger in both Good Omens and Masters of Sex.
Cuz this isn't just him scrambling to kill a kid, this is him walking calmly and knowingly into sacrificing everything he loves most (Crowley, the bookshop, his entire life on earth) to create a world that will always be safe for him and Crowley and humanity for the rest of time. Where he would have to go up against the most powerful angels, the Metatron, and God Themself to change things. He can't be the kind, sweet angel he was on Earth. That won't cut it in Heaven if he wants to make a difference in any real way.
He wanted to do it with Crowley, with the love and support and strength of his demon. But without him, Aziraphale has to channel something else to keep his resolve afloat.
Something he had when he was a warrior, fighting on the front lines of a battle between Heaven and Hell, when he very likely led a platoon into divine fields of bloodshed before the earth was born. When he was an avenging angel.
I haven’t done this since the Great War.
It was a time and an identity he had chosen to leave behind, because it wasn't the kind of angel he was anymore ("I'm not fighting in any war!"). In this context, you can read Aziraphale's passionate unwillingness to take a life (his pacifism) directly into his past experience as a warrior. It is often the veterans of terrible wars who are the most earnest advocates for peace. (And especially in Britain and Europe, where the violence of the world wars is still such a powerful and painful national memory.)
As he goes up the elevator, he's breathing so hard we can hear it mirrored in the soundtrack, and he is so hyperfocused on steeling himself that he doesn't even care that the Metatron is watching him. He doesn't rest until he's psyched himself into that warrior mindset necessary to carry out this mission entirely by himself, to be both the moral advocate and the uncompromising leader of angels who had intimidated him his entire life. To demand respect and to talk to the very face of God and tell Them they are Wrong.
(Please read this Neil-approved meta for further thoughts on God and Aziraphale.)
That creepy smile is clearly not there because Aziraphale is happy to fall into a toxic parent's false love. There's no comfort or wistful nostalgia in that face. There's no "it'll be so much nicer" in that smile. It's not a happy smile. It's an I'm-gonna-fuck-shit-up smile.
Because it's a warrior's smile before they go into battle, before they put on that armor and, for a while, become something they're not in the name of some greater good. He's fucking furious and it's downright frightening.
Because I have no doubt that the angel Aziraphale we get in Season 3 is the angel Aziraphale who can say this:
He's not quite there yet in the TV show. But this bravery, this anger, this flaming rage is how it starts.
Or as he's described in the book when Aziraphale mysteriously does away with the local mafia:
Just because you’re an angel doesn’t mean you have to be a fool.
idc how many people died because of your ship they will not touch naruto canonically wanting to break every single bone in sasuke’s body because he couldn’t stand sasuke leaving him. real toxic yaoi go brrr
“Well…” You trail off, imagining you and your brother growing up and constantly being told how different the two of you are, from your personalities down to your looks. “Anyway! He can be a bit of a dummy, but he means well.”
Cyno nods, a thoughtful frown on his lips as he crosses his arms and waits for your brother to arrive at your meeting spot.
You spy the eye-catching ahoge from a mile away. You beam, raising your hand in a wave and turning to your partner beside you—only to blink as you realize that he left without your notice.
The sound of steel against steel in the distance blares an alarm in your head. Frantic, you whip your head to the direction of the sound and find two very familiar individuals duking it out.
Oh no.
“Big brother Haitham, stop!”
They both freeze at the sound of your voice for two completely different reasons.
Al-Haitham pulls you behind him and points his sword at your very confused partner, uncharacteristically slow to connect the dots. “Choose your next actions carefully, Cyno.”
Cyno completely lowers his weapon as he switches his gaze between the two of you as if in disbelief that Al-Haitham, the so-called Akademiya lunatic who he’s barely spoken two words to, is your older brother. You, the light of his life—but also an Akademiya drop out who only managed to get in through sheer luck after your random answers on the entrance examination turned out to be right—were related to him?
Impossible.
…Or so he would have thought a minute ago before his world was turned upside down and his partner’s brother wasn’t the most suspicious person in Cyno’s eyes.
My brother is really smart like you! He’s really nice and he used to help me study for my tests back when I still went to the Akademiya. A little, um, mean—but he’s actually a good person!
Hah, mean. A large understatement. It would equate to a scholar calling the General Mahamatra benign.
He suppose he should have expected it from you. You do have the tendency to think the best of people, even when they don’t deserve it.
“Brother.” You tug on Al-Haitham’s arm to bring his sword down, but he refuses to do so, unwilling to take his eyes off Cyno. Huffing in annoyance, you stomp on his feet and feel immense satisfaction when he turns his head to glare at you.
“This isn’t the time—”
“He’s Cynie!”
There’s a joke to be made about a pin dropping in the silence after your words and your brother’s dawning look of realization and the skepticism that follows.
He whirls his head to Cyno and points, “That’s Cynie?”
You nod with a growing smile, delighted that your brother finally lowered his sword so you can come up to Cyno and drag him close by the arm. “Cynie, meet my brother, Haitham!”
“…I told you not to call me that in front of others.”
“But it’s cute!”
“Only when we’re alone.” To this, he sends a baleful glare to Al-Haitham that your brother returns with a glare of his own.
“Oh, please. My sibling has told me everything that’s happened in your relationship,” then, as if to add salt to the wound, he strictly emphasizes, “Cynie.”
A muscle in your partner’s brow twitches.
“It’s great that you two are getting along!” You exclaim with a smile that could rival the sun.
They can’t say no to that face. They both have no choice but to reluctantly grumble a hesitant ‘yes…’ that has your eyes shining bright.
“I have our outing planned for today! I saw a promo in a restaurant that said if you can finish some kind of large meal in under an hour, you don’t have to pay for it! Not too sure how big it is, but I know I can eat it all. I also passed by this really cool place yesterday…”
They let you drag them by the arm across the city, shooting glares at each other and throwing subtle barbs when they think you aren’t looking.
You called that day the ‘brothers-in-law bonding day’. They hated every second of it and vowed to never talk to the other again.