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shaggi · 3 years

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if i could stop time, i would

info ; eren x reader ; soulmates ; 1.8k

content warning ; end of the world concept, mentions of not really wanting to live lol, gentle angst

Day one. 72 hours until the world ends.

The world is going to shit. I know it is because I can hear the panicked buzz of mothers holding their children close and reassuring them as the news practically burned "we're all going to die" into our heads.

My fingers twitched as they held the dark blue fabric of my jeans. I'm terrified ㅡ as is the rest of the people watching the news ㅡ and it most definitely doesnt help when they plaster a large timer onto the screen counting down our days and hours left on our beloved blue planet.

"We never thought this day would come.. Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached the end of the chapter." The words echoed into the back of my mind. 'The end of the chapter'? I havent even really lived my life? I'm only seventeen.. I barely made it to graduation. I suck in a deep breath, filling my lungs fully before releasing the built up pressure.

Theres a burning sensation on my waterline, tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. My hands begin to shake when I think back to all the sleepless nights I spent not enjoying life. I took life for granted ㅡ and now it's going to end in three days. In seventy-two hours, it's all going to go away. That's not enough time to say all the things I didnt have a chance to say.

Wasted opportunities.

Wasted chances that I now no longer have control over.

My legs suddenly feel like spaghetti and walking seems like a foriegn topic to me. I just need to sit down, take a breather.

Who am I kidding. The storm inside me is raging on tonight and my hands have a handful of messy locks.

I catch glimpse of inked red calligraphy spelling out the name 'Eren' that is marked onto the inside of my forearm in small writing just an inch below my wrist. My heart swells with sadness.

The sense of realization settles in, practically telling me to 'let this sink in for a little'. I'm not ever going to get the chance to meet my soulmate. I'll never get the satisfaction of weaving their fingers with mine, to lay on the couch on cold winter nights with blankets drooped over our shoulders. Never get the chance to tell them I love them over and over again, to brush their hair behind their ears, grab them by the smooth skin of theirs and feel the fireworks of pressing my lips against their own.

I wont feel the sweet electricity course through me like people explained would happen when they touched their soulmate for the first time. I've spent seventeen years searching for this perfect person in the happiness of this little town. The universe promised a perfect person, they never promised me to meet them though.

The younger generations were lucky, for they werent born with marks. They werent tied to someone, so they dont have anything to lose other than the fact that they're too young to leave this world.

A crowd begins to pull outside, staring at the sky with both a mix of admiration and fear. The blue sky has begun to turn itself into a peach color. My town's happy vibe has now turned uneasy, scared, unsure.

That day, I walk home slowly when the sky begins to darken, taking the scenery of the autumn leaves disarray upon the concrete sidewalk. If the world is ending in three days, I'm going to make the most of it. Soak it up like a sponge. Do what I should've been doing these past seventeen years and love life for once ㅡ despite all the wrong. Despite the fact that I'll never graduate, and never meet my soulmate. I force myself to disregard the nagging thoughts that tug at my conscious.

I dont think about the fact that I'll never get a chance to buy my first apartment.

I dont think about how I wont be able to wake up every morning to make my significant other breakfast.

And I most certainly dont think about how I'll never be able to take my lovers hand at the alter and say with great pride, "I do."

Day 2. 48 hours until the world ends.

Today, I woke up early. Early enough that the sun still hasn't peaked over the clouds. They say that if you wake up early enough the day takes longer to end.

The aching pain in my chest never seems to cease. I laugh a little bitterly at the calander on the wall, I feel like its mocking me now. A part of me wants to rip the thing to shreds and scream until my throat is raw ㅡ but I said I'd make the best of these last days. So, I push these bitter thoughts from my mind and start up a warm shower.

Seventeen years of not wanting to be alive, and now I only have two days to live until the entire world completely goes to shit. Ironic, isn’t it? Why now am I so angry? The water is warm trickling down my bare body, as my shower thoughts continue treading forward to how I could make life better in less than forty-eight hours.

I walk down a different road today, deciding that routine wasnt necessary when the world is going to end in forty-eight hours. The countdown continues on nearby TVs, the bright white luminous against the dark morning sky.

It makes me feel anxious.

Destruction clouds my mind, but I bite my lip and hold my ground. This situation will not drive me crazy.

The town is a lot quieter than I expected, then again it's only 6 in the morning.

The day carries on just as any other day, the air seems heavier though. It's the night time that brings chaos.

You see, I've been walking around town all day blowing that last little bits of money I have on little things that have no purpose. The sky is the same sunset peach as it was yesterday, only barely hinting at a blue color.

There's a faint noise a few blocks from where I am standing, and at first I chose the ignore it. The yelling got louder and louder until I felt my feet pull like magnets to what was going on.

Chocolate hair, smooth tan skin shining under the soft orange of the sky, handfuls of someones shirt as this mystery man pinned some junky against the rough brick wall. His eyes held a killer glow, practically fuming from the ears. I was going to mind my own business, but then I saw the other strike at the brunette ㅡ and I dont know why, but I stepped in.

A surprise attack, a blow right to the face, maybe a minor bruise on my cheek from when the other decided to attack back ㅡ but soon he left. I turn my gaze back to the brunette who still sits on the floor, palms pressed into the concrete.

"I didnt need your help," he hissed, dusting his hands against the black fabric of his jeans.

"Oh you're welcome for saving your ass, wasnt a problem at all." My hand lifts to my face, pressing onto the bruise and wincing before squatting next to this stranger. "Is it bad? Let me see," The moment my hand makes contact with the others chin I feel the rush of electricity course through me.

Overwhelming is an understatement. Sweet emotions flooded through my mind but I can feel the pounding of fear in my veins, and bittersweet it was. When I retract my hand, I see that he's mirrored the exact expression I have; eyes blown wide, fear in the darks of his pupils.

"Eren..?" trying to keep my voice from cracking seems hard, and it comes out more like a whisper. This situation leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Where the hell has he been for seventeen years? Why is he just now showing up?

Eren immediately sprung to his feet, taking a few steps back with no words to say. I snatched at his left arm, pushing the sweaters sleeve up and over his forearm to see my name inked in blue against his paper skin. "So.. you're my soulmate?" I promise I didnt mean to make it sound disappointed ㅡ but in a way, I guess you could say I was.

So many questions raced through my mind; but the biggest question of all was why? Why now of all times we could've met? Why must I be gifted with the worst luck.

Eren isnt a bad person though, and in the few hours we've spent together I can tell you this; His favorite color is red, he lives with his mother and a girl that his family took in when they were very little - who he loves dearly, he can play guitar very well, he looks absolutely adorable with his hair tied up, and that's only the stuff he's told me within the first hour.

Words cannot express how much I wished we could have more time together, but the bright TV clocks continue to remind me that our time is running out.

"There's nothing more I'd rather do than to spend my last moments with you," Eren whispered, golden flecks in his beautiful ocean eyes. His hand was held in mine as the pained expression washed over his face. Somewhere in the conversation led us to this point of heartbreak. We both explained how we wanted nothing more than to meet earlier in life, but apparently the universe had a different plan.

The idea of parting with Eren now just seemed like a waste, and I'd much rather take my dying last breath next to the one I looked for my entire life. Falling in love is easy when you've got nothing to live for.

The walk back to my house is silent, but it's a comfortable silence, and we never seem to let go of each others hands. The house is quiet and dark when we enter.

The rest of the remaining night we have is spent cuddled under the thick blanket of mine, Eren held me close to his chest as we whisper sweet things that wont mean much in a few hours. Chaste kisses are showered over the male as I remind him of how I never stopped searching for him.

He studied my face, moving a strand of hair behind my ear before placing his palm onto my cheek and rubbing his thumb across the smoothness underneath my eye. I could feel my breath begin to shallow and my heart skip a beat. I loved the way his eyes sparkled under my dim-lit room, the way I could feel his heartbeat pulsing from how close we lay where, how steady his breathing was, and how gentle he caressed me.

Its bittersweet, and I never believed in the after life, but with him - maybe, just maybe, we will meet again in the next life.

#attack on titan #eren yeager #shaggis writing #shaggis cloud #soulmarks #eren x y/n #eren aot #snk #eren fluff #eren angst

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howtosurvivebeingsingle · 3 years

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I Do, Do I?

If you follow my regular blog that I rarely post on, you'll know that my heterosexual roomie proposed to me. The thing is, we're both hetero females that decided that instead of getting married by 50 at the rate we're going, we may as well. The amount of benefits married couples get while they're still in college is ridiculous. We have friends that live a town away that are both married since they graduated high school and the amount of money they were able to save landed them a cozy four-bedroom house. Sounds too good to be true, and believe me I wish it were. I am still attending my local university myself trying to double major, as is my roommate. We both have multiple jobs to support our apartment but with expenses, we're borderline broke. There's enough to get by, that being said when classes start is where the trouble begins. Marriage is looking pretty tempting right now. Is it really all it's cracked out to be? Here are the details I've heard so far; You get generous financial aid meaning starving is less likely, Married life is less expensive which is less cost of living in an apartment or house, Mutual motivation from your spouse (depends but mine's fine), and it prepares you for what marriage is actually like.

In Short, my maybe wife and I will pay less for college, less for housing, have that emotional support most people lack, and get a taste of what being married to a man is like (sort of). The bargain is that if we actually go through with this, we'll still date men as we please and if we're in an actual relationship and the guy proposes we get a divorce. Imagine your maid of honor is your ex-wife? There's more humor to it. He picks you up for a date and she's watching tv. Before you go, "Bye Honey!", or she gets the door for you and introduces herself as your actual married wife. The situation is so complex that I'm actually near writing a book about it. Here's where I advertise my Finding Mr. Darcy book trilogy that's in the works. If there's one thing I know about, it's being single. I'm the Carrie Bradshaw of singles instead of sex, that is if I can even claim that title. I asked my friend if he thought being married had all the perks and he said this; "It's a pipedream trying to trap singles into thinking life is better with someone else. True as that last statement maybe, the rest is not. The idea is that after marriage it's time to settle down. You move into a cottage in the plains, wide-open spaces where all the little kids can run around. Your husband comes back from work and the two of you snuggle in bed without a care, it's bullshit. Girls and I mean girls are too high maintenance now that you've got to give them everything they want or it's no deal. Hell, you're even lucky to find a woman who actually wants to care for you as much as herself. Total pipedream, and waste in this century."

That was the first time I had ever heard him speak so hopelessly about love. I expected an answer like "No, true love is out there somewhere." as he often said, but this was not the case at all. Either he was in a really bad mood that day, or I don't know my best friend like I thought I did. The next day, I decided to take a look at married couples in the workplace, by workplace, I mean my job in digital services. From what I was seeing was a lot of arguing. Either the man would be on the computer and the woman was nagging on him the whole time or the woman was on the computer and the man was making her feel like she was stupid. If both parties were separate, the wife would call every ten minutes to ask meaningless questions, or the wife was present with two or more hyper kids. It was hard for them to get anything done with or without their spouse present. I also decided to take a look at single parents and the closest one was my sister. In 2019, she got pregnant with my nephew by her boyfriend Will. She had him in march of 2020, so he's about a year old and beginning to get used to his legs. When she's home, she's stressed from being home from work, and on her off days, she's stressed with her son's rambunctious behavior. Our mother watches him when she's working her ten-hour shifts and leaves the rest to her when she gets back. Pretty soon it'll just be my sister and her kid when mom moves down south of the US. Both can verify that he's quite the handful and with my experience, he is. That doesn't mean I love him any less, but my share of babysitting isn't any easier.

The situation is mutual whether you're married or not with kids. Stress with a side of stress and exhaustion. Putting kids aside, I've seen couples without kids like my maybe wife's other best friend. Things seem all prim and proper when they come to visit, but according to her, they still manage to argue almost on a daily. My coworkers feel the same way about marriage life even when I had explained my situation. They continued to urge me to take things into careful consideration before jumping head into marriage. I kept getting negative answers from people despite my search to find some hope for the situation. Then the question crossed my mind; despite the fairytale images given to us in childhood, is it really worth the trouble of getting married?

Julie: "It always ends in tears. Someone leaves, someone dies, or you get a divorce."

Varsha: "So long as they compliment you. You need support from both parties for it to work."

Denny: "It depends. You don't need a man or woman to support you all the way, you can do fine just being single. My wife and I are great, but I'd be just as fine alone."

Enzo: "No. All odds are against you in the long run. The woman finds someone else to bug and takes half of everything."

Annie: "It's more of a want than a need. The best thing is not to be pressured into it if you're not 100% into it."

Vinny: "Only if you're ready and trust each other all the way."

Marcus: "The question you should be asking is if friendship is worth it. That's what it really comes down to."

Lori: "It can be fulfilling despite the fear of failure."

The answers kept leading me in circles and in the end, I wound up back where I started. It was a total toss-up of whether you got heads or tails, but I wasn't about to give in that easily. I decided to take my venture to a baseball game on Friday and what I saw there nearly startled me. A couple of 65 years renewed their vows at the stadium. I started to think that maybe all it did take was a bit of compromise and despite half the negativity from my interview and friends there really is someone for everyone. Perhaps the divorced people just haven't found the right person just yet. Like my grandmother on my mother's side, she married four men before she met my grandfather and they've been together almost fifty years. I guess you could say it was a task of trial and error, but it worked out in the long run. Neither of them has ever had a reason to want to divorce. Before I leave questions unanswered, yes my grandfather too also had his share of divorces. The numbers don't seem to matter, only the fact that there really could be someone out there for everyone. A glimmer of hope to end this rather late and brief update. I wonder if there really is hope, is there still time for we singles of every shade and orientation. Is there truly that soulmate we all long for somewhere besides where we are? Until next time and Much Love Your Way Darlings!

#sex and the city #singles #carrie bradshaw #tumblr #romance #couple #lovers #relationship #blog post #july 2021

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Who won then? 🥊 Janis: But actual, you alright, yeah? Jimmy: you don't know me, I forgot Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: Nah, had money on you and everything Janis: 👍 glad to hear it Jimmy: feeling like a winner 'til I try & come back in from my 🚬 & find he's locked me out Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Truly your kryptonite Janis: Cass'd open a window for ya Jimmy: not if it means round 2 Jimmy: she's #overit Janis: Might go as far as to say #fakefan Janis: you know you can come here if you actually need Janis: probably don't mention me by name though Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: who's about? Jimmy: not trying to walk in on a 🥊 with Gracie Janis: Get it, she's a lot when you ain't #overit yourself Janis: just her and my two younger brothers, who are really not gonna bother with you so Janis: get her under strict instructions, like Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: I'll let you know Janis: Try all the windows first, yeah Janis: Shoulda trained Twix to pick locks, my bad Jimmy: You literally had one job, mate Jimmy: get it together Janis: 😞 I know Janis: That's why he's really pissed, all that time I've been wasting when she coulda been a superdog by now Jimmy: you've let yourself down, that dog down & MOST importantly, you've let me down Jimmy: Oh Janet Janis: 💔 Janis: Really gonna think on what I've done Janis: and haven''t Jimmy: I woulda shown you the door if you hadn't legged it that way yourself sharpish Jimmy: so mad, like Janis: That's me, walk 'fore you make me run Janis: Soz to deprive you of that chance Janis: final fuck you, like Jimmy: if I come to yours, you gonna make it up to me? Janis: Obviously Janis: did you SO wrong gotta make it so right again, like Jimmy: I'll start walking now then Jimmy: Gotta make me hard done by enough for 🥇 Janis: Are you gonn get lost? Janis: 'cos get a safe enough distance from yours and I can come find you, like Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Not an answer, lover boy Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: there you are Janis: Helpful Janis: Send out an SOS if you do then? Jimmy: 👌 Janis: He say anything you ain't heard at least 1000xs before then? Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: that'd mean he has to know what's going on Janis: Standard Janis: fun to pretend, we get it Jimmy: probably called you by the ex's name at one point Janis: Fair, he ain't asked and I ain't told but embarrassing for you sir Jimmy: he knows your name, Bobby ain't shut up 'bout you since the other day Jimmy: he loved it Janis: He's a babe Jimmy: ain't gonna stay like it living here & hearing that Janis: 😕 Janis: You're alright, ain't you Janis: just have to learn he's full of shit like you and Cass, like, which yeah Janis: shit Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: I know Janis: Grace's mood is catching Janis: 😷 Jimmy: what's with her? Jimmy: did Mia die? Janis: I WISH Janis: fuck mourning we'd be having a party rn Janis: they're not friends currently Janis: long and short of it Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: gutted I got nowt on here to wipe my tears on Jimmy: out* Janis: I hope you put clothes on Janis: rookie error otherwise Jimmy: you didn't stick round long enough to take 'em off Jimmy: your rookie error Jimmy: not gonna ruin my fancy shit though, am I? Janis: you know I'm gutted Janis: you looked so Janis: 😍 Jimmy: [selfie] Jimmy: change the tense Jimmy: still do tah Janis: 💪 still got it, kid Janis: unlike your father Jimmy: what's more goals than a #glowup Janis: I've been cute since birth so I don't know 💁 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I'd say #same but there ain't that many 📷 of me to prove it Janis: I wish but you know Janis: kids are kinda my parent's thing so even at #7 & #8 they were disgustingly extra 😒 Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: I trapped mine, more of a 'happy' accident Jimmy: less fun to document maybe Janis: reckon most first kids are, second and third even but after that like Janis: you know what you're doing here Janis: just didn't have your 📷 skillz Janis: baby you judging Jimmy: yeah, on my list, top one Janis: List of grievances? Janis: stick it on his windshield as you go Jimmy: 👍 deal Janis: Twix says she wants to add her own Janis: screenshotting this convo for her obvs #justgirlythings Jimmy: 🤞 she'll piss in his shoes when I ain't there to take her out in the morning Janis: Will you 💕 her then? Janis: asking for a friend Jimmy: If it's a shit I might not kick her out Jimmy: tell your friend Janis: You want a companion out there in the cold, you just have to ask baby 🐶💕 Jimmy: alright Jimmy: I do Janis: I didn't wanna leave but you know, for the best obviously Janis: I'll come get you forreal Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: put your running to use Janis: It's got uses Janis: 💪 Janis: but k, lemme take this ugly ass dress off first Jimmy: why did you wear it if you hate it? Janis: for the #goals Janis: it felt appropriate so I knicked it Janis: just from one of my sisters, not that rich bitch stereotype Jimmy: that'd be more #goals Jimmy: steal me better clobber if you love me, tah Janis: 😍 when he slowly introduces you to a life of crime Janis: that's how I saw this date ending fosho Jimmy: for real though don't do it again Janis: Why? Jimmy: 'Cause I like you Jimmy: we want 'em to know that Jimmy: #asyouare and all that bollocks Janis: Okay Janis: miss you a bit Jimmy: so come get me Janis: I am Janis: not that fast Jimmy: get it together, girl Jimmy: sprint not a marathon Janis: 😑 Good thing you're cute Jimmy: slowing yourself down with ugly dresses & 😍 Jimmy: what ARE you playing at Janis: Mean Janis: gonna go cry myself to sleep now instead Jimmy: you want some classic FM? Jimmy: bit of 🎻 Janis: You are rude and me and Pete are gonna bond over it Jimmy: I hope he likes dogs Jimmy: gotta know his place in the pecking order Janis: Make him get a dog with me Janis: how #goals 😍 Jimmy: you gonna move it too or make him do all the work? Jimmy: in* Janis: Probs depends how much his fam hate me Jimmy: you going for 🥇? Jimmy: or is that just for me Janis: You know you're special, babe 😘 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: though feel bad for him, Gracie shaded him and didn't have the heart to tell her he's the love of my life 💔 Jimmy: feel worse if you did 'cause she'd be after him Janis: that's her type exclusively 😂 Jimmy: knew it Janis: plan backfired, she'll not leave you alone now, soz Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: really fucked me over you Janis: I know Janis: Good thing you're chucking me init Jimmy: good thing it ain't raining too 'cause if I was waiting in that for a kiss that ain't coming Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 Janis: who said I ain't gona kiss ya Janis: not getting nothing out that date tah, who am I Jimmy: you not saving 'em all for Pete? bit rude Jimmy: & I bought you loads of drinks, rich girl Jimmy: that's not nowt Janis: I can have it all, babe Janis: including at least two lads on the go Janis: yeah that's braggable, got me drunk and didn't even try to fuck me 😒 Jimmy: It ain't braggable that you're a pisshead in love with my co-worker but here we are Janis: 😱 say how you really feel Janis: and I am not drunk how dare you Jimmy: do the touch your nose bollocks on your way Jimmy: send me the vid Janis: 😂 Janis: see that up on the 'gram be fuming Janis: I'm a sophisticated lady Jimmy: like I said, just don't dress like one again Janis: Did I look that bad? Jimmy: You looked good, you can't not Jimmy: but I could tell you didn't want it Janis: Not really my style but neither are dates Jimmy: You had a shit time then? Janis: Nah Janis: it was just like hanging out Janis: I don't know why I thought otherwise, maybe a real one is dead awks like everyone bangs on Jimmy: it is if you ain't got nowt to chat on Jimmy: or you don't eat Janis: 🙄 I can imagine Janis: what a waste of money above all else like just lemme fuck you why are we pretending Jimmy: they got money for the #flex Jimmy: not an issue for you rich kids Jimmy: harder pretending that you don't wanna/ain't gonna fuck before the main course Janis: calling me a slag tho Janis: ruuuuuuuuuuuude Jimmy: collective you Jimmy: I know you ain't Jimmy: Unless you were only a fake virgin Janis: now you calling me frigid Janis: yeah, what I always say Janis: like, alright love, 'course you are Jimmy: some lads are into that Jimmy: just wanna be the first instead of 🥇 Janis: mhmm Janis: what's sexier than total inexperience to mask your own lack of skillz Janis: not a drag Jimmy: it's why Mia's just lie there technique is so popular Jimmy: god bless Janis: Want me to start doing than from now on? Janis: okay Jimmy: Piss off do I Jimmy: I never said she's my type Jimmy: have said the opposite Janis: well I don't know what that means sexually Janis: you want me to tell you you look like alex turner in his prime or?? Jimmy: You're such a dickhead Jimmy: firstly I look better than him and secondly bollocks Jimmy: You know what I like Janis: 😂 Janis: Okay okay Janis: true and 🤞 true Jimmy: truest that you need to have a word with yourself if you don't reckon I love fucking you Janis: 😳 Jimmy: I miss you too, yeah Jimmy: more than Pete does anyway Janis: I don't think that was really a question Janis: but good to know I ain't walking all this way for nothing Jimmy: don't ever ask him Jimmy: stay with me Janis: I'm not going to, I don't like him Janis: I like you Jimmy: alright Janis: alright alright or shut up alright? Jimmy: alright Jimmy: I don't want you to shut up Jimmy: I told you, I miss you Janis: Sorry I left Jimmy: Sorry my dad's a fucking bellend Janis: Yeah same but not on my behalf Janis: no worries seriously Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Do you need anything, just passing a shop so be quick Jimmy: like what? Janis: I dunno Janis: you might have some fancy nighttime routines I'm not aware of Janis: or want some more 🚬s Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: you've stayed at mine loads, how you reckon you don't know what I'm up to? Jimmy: that's a good shout though fuck knows where I've walked to but been 🚬 all the way Jimmy: #goals like Janis: I'm just trying to be a good hostess 'scuse you Janis: I mean you do look hot doing it so Janis: cancer smancer gotta die somehow kid Jimmy: saves my dad a job Jimmy: & yeah I get it rich girl, your house is fancy, pick me up a ballgown or whatever Janis: Not if he wants to keep his free childcare, think on, like Janis: It ain't it's just big Janis: not fitting us all in a 2 up 2 down, think it thru Ma and Da Jimmy: You gonna introduce me? Janis: If you wanna Jimmy: not what I most wanna do but a bit rude if I just walk in like a horny mute Jimmy: only one of us is pulling that off babe Janis: SHUT UP 😫 Janis: you don't have to they won't care but if we see them Janis: hopefully I won't die of embarrassment Jimmy: calm down, Jenna Jimmy: don't wanna lose your voice Janis: you mean you don't want me to, boy Jimmy: maybe Janis: 😏 Janis: #blatant Janis: we can be as loud as we like, the only other person downstairs is my brother Diego and he's deaf so Janis: thanks kid, unexpected solid there Jimmy: for real or like how your hippie brother wished he was blind the other day Janis: IOU so much more than petrol money 😳 Jimmy: I fucked myself over mentioning that though Jimmy: can't stop thinking 'bout it now Janis: It was Janis: good Janis: really fucking good Jimmy: don't say owt more I'm trying to walk Janis: 😶 Janis: was though Jimmy: yeah I know Jimmy: & I wanted you so bad before I thought 'bout it Jimmy: I just did Janis: I know Janis: It's hard doing anything with you that isn't fucking Janis: you're just very distracting at all times Jimmy: You are Jimmy: hate you a bit Janis: hate you too Janis: 💕 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: got the 🚬s Janis: if I couldn't and they'd carded me that woulda been a fail Janis: #flex Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: so proud babe Janis: it's the legs Jimmy: & 'cause you ain't wearing that dress Jimmy: but tah for the reminder I'll try & breathe Janis: floral dresses defs a way to look 6 or 86 Janis: not a mood and the 20 year old with bum fluff serving me agrees Jimmy: he better not be agreeing too hard Jimmy: I'll give him a smack Jimmy was timed out 15 hours ago Jimmy joined the chat 14 hours ago Janis joined the chat 14 hours ago Janis: 😂 you're good at that bit Janis: the protective boyfriend Jimmy: don't take the piss Janis: It's okay, very #goals of you 😍 Jimmy: just 'cause I let you win one play fight Jimmy: don't mean I ain't hard, alright Janis: 😏 Mhmm Janis: so impressive, babe Jimmy: now it just sounds like you want me to fight him Jimmy: get your 📷 out Janis: Obviously Janis: I'm that bitch Janis: #proveyourself Jimmy: stay there then Jimmy: I'll find my way Jimmy: 👌 Janis: You're ridiculous Jimmy: nah #goals Jimmy: you already outed yourself, mate Jimmy: I know you want it Janis: 😒 piss off Janis: not my #goals Janis: theirs Janis: any sign that you care's'a huge pantydropper, obvs Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Poor Kev Jimmy: first name terms, yeah? Jimmy: back on your bollocks, Jasmine Janis: Only go for boys with nametags Janis: that's my secret Janis: would help you loads Jimmy: nowt secret 'bout it, love Janis: Calling me blatant? Janis: This was your plan, boy Jimmy: driving me to it, girl Janis: so 😠 yeah Jimmy: so 💪 Jimmy: I'll just spark him out & we'll go Janis: Nerd Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: & you want me Janis: Maybe Janis: but you're coming for Kev Janis: 💔 Jimmy: I'm coming for you, baby Jimmy: show him you're #mine Janis: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: if I don't get lost Jimmy: nowt #goals 'bout me just wandering Janis: You're adorable Jimmy: piss off Janis: You are though Janis: how Janis: very rude of you Jimmy: rude of you to keep on when I'm trying to be tough Jimmy: & ain't even gonna mention that it's a bit cold Janis: Stop Janis: Ruining my rep here as well Jimmy: you alright? 'cause you ain't having my jacket, mate Jimmy: I don't like you that much Janis: Don't want it anyway Janis: back to looking 🔥 Janis: tah very much Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: fucking brutal you Janis: can't have it both ways mate Jimmy: can I have you not shitting on my #aesthetic Janis: 😂 Janis: You must do something right Janis: not in #scruffy camp with poor Pete and the white girl w dreads Jimmy: chat to me 'bout that then Jimmy: you love calling me pretty Janis: Shh Jimmy: go on, I could be close to death here Janis: only if Kev fucks you up Janis: you really want the last thing I say to you to be you're pretty Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: what do you want your last words to me to be then? Janis: Not gonna spoil it Janis: wait and see Jimmy: I get it, you wanna call me a dickhead one last time Jimmy: 👍 Janis: You know you'd rather Jimmy: I'd rather you just kiss me Jimmy: if I'm gonna go anyway Janis: That's what I'll do then Janis: such a hardship for me, obvs but you know Janis: just that generous Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: why you're 🥇 Janis: Tell me that 'fore you go, alright Jimmy: I'll force the words out for you, darling Janis: Tryna walk here Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: where are you? 'cause I don't wanna walk anymore Jimmy: not for a bit Janis: Stay put and put your location on Janis: I'll find you Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: don't fuck it up Jimmy: one job, you know Janis: Please Janis: these are my ends, like it or not Jimmy: tell it to that bus driver you pissed off with your bollocks, babe Janis: 😒 Janis: still your fault Jimmy: yours Jimmy: unless you wake up looking different, always is Janis: convenient Janis: but not that mad about it Jimmy: I'm mad 'bout how slow you are Jimmy: what kind of athlete Janis: If you shut up I'll get there faster Janis: chatterbox Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: #shaded Janis: you know I like it when you're loud too Jimmy: you shoulda stayed for the 🥊 Jimmy: love shouting me Janis: Let your Da fully appreciate without my #distracting presence Jimmy: I'm sure he'll say tah when he next sees you Janis: 😏 Janis: I see you though, for now Jimmy: Can't see you, just some random Jimmy: dunno who she could be Janis: oh yeah? Janis: gonna go with her then or what Jimmy: might do Jimmy: she's got nice hair Jimmy: & legs Janis: she looking your way? Janis: [is, duh] Jimmy: good eyes too I reckon Janis: Sounds like you're well in Jimmy: sorry mate means you're out Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: Gutted Janis: gonna leave for you start making a scene then Jimmy: It's been #real Janis: 😂 Jimmy: [kisses her really intensely 'cause they gotta save this night] Janis: What was that for? Jimmy: job well done? Jimmy: you got here Janis: your faith in me was so encouraging, obvs 🙄 Jimmy: [kisses her again so he don't say something embarrassing about how much faith he has cos no boy] Janis: You're cute, boy Janis: come back to mine Jimmy: I will just Jimmy: gimme a Janis: [Kisses him] Janis: that? Jimmy: & a sec Jimmy: so I can Jimmy: [kisses her again too 'cause distract him from how much a prick his dad is thank you babe] Janis: We don't have to go there straight away Janis: whatever you want, within the confines of this shithole, obvs Jimmy: you know I want you Jimmy: I don't care Janis: [amps it up no chill ever lads] Jimmy: [Takes off his coat & puts it on the floor so they can lie on it & pulls her down onto it for more kisses 'cause same] Janis: Such a romantic, you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Need a car Janis: making dogging low-rent us and that's saying something Jimmy: I'll nick one for us Jimmy: give you those life of crime goals Janis: 😍 damn daddy Janis: I'm driving though, deal with it Jimmy: I'll take my dad's then Jimmy: no 💔 if you crash it Janis: 'scuse you Janis: I can drive bitch Jimmy: only got your word for that, Janet Jimmy: & ain't gonna be your bitch if you can Janis: 👎 boo Janis: hit up all the other 15 y/os that'll blow me for lifts if you gonna be like that Jimmy: [kisses her to shut her up] Jimmy: what if that's how I'm gonna be? Jimmy: what you gonna do? Janis: Hmm Janis: Lemme think Jimmy: [more kisses while she's thinking] Janis: You drive a hard bargain Janis: alright, we can still be mates Jimmy: yeah very hard me Jimmy: told you Janis: Prove it Jimmy: [pins her down in a sexy way for a hot make out sesh] Janis: I really missed you Janis: it wasn't even that long but everything is shit and boring when you ain't around Jimmy: I'd say prove it, but I reckon you have Janis: [Proves it some more, get up and go lads] Jimmy: I Jimmy: fucking hell Jimmy: we need to go Jimmy: or I'm just gonna fuck you here Janis: as much as I don't care Janis: all your Da needs is actual fuel to hate me more so Janis: let's avoid getting arrested tonight, like Jimmy: [helps her up and turns it into a hug 'cause he needs one not sorry] Janis: [Hugs back properly and for ages 'cos knows it] Janis: Come on then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [morning after but later when he's at work not early af when he left] Jimmy: Morning, Jillian Jimmy: how's it treating you? Janis: Impressed you managed to walk of shame without getting lost Janis: lowkey bit miffed you hmu, thought I'd finally got rid of ya when you weren't here, like but Janis: how 'bout you regardless Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I'll go then Jimmy: reckoned you'd wanna know it's dickhead day here at the CG so you could get yourself down Jimmy: had 'em all in, my dad included Janis: Serious Janis: how desperate and shaming, sir Janis: other places to get an overpriced espresso Jimmy: but nowhere you can get away with treating your server like shit & still get to finish Janis: 😒 Janis: so hard up for entertainment he had to have 'round two, like Janis: fuck off Jimmy: so desperate for proof of life after one night gone he can't accept a fuck you text like a normal person at that time of the morning Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Suddenly arsed, okay Jimmy: I can go anywhere I want as long as I end up under his roof Jimmy: on me own Janis: 👍 Assuming he wanted to go meet his newest then Janis: all fun Jimmy: tah for reminding me Jimmy: family dinner thursday Jimmy: come looking like the #badinfluence you are babe Janis: Yeah? Janis: knew he loved me 😏 Jimmy: I'm inviting you 'cause I do Jimmy: & you owe me that Janis: so you want me to piss your Dad off more? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: & let his girlfriend now what she's getting into Jimmy: know* Jimmy: if she's gonna stick around for more than a night Jimmy: Me & Cass will do our bit, not all on you Janis: Alright Janis: Solid plan Janis: I'm in Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: he's cooking, tell your dad & maybe we can get that shit cancelled before it happens Janis: 😂 Janis: no one wants to make it that much of a family affair Janis: be more horrified and can't really blame him Jimmy: 💔 all around Janis: deffo the mood he's going for Jimmy: I know you're not into it but if you could seduce this bird it'd save me a job Janis: what's she look like Janis: you know yet Jimmy: nah Jimmy: could try & guess based on the last but he really ain't fussy Jimmy: or as committed to a #type as you reckon I am Janis: She ain't got at least 5 piercings and you out Janis: take one for the team Jimmy: tah Janis: be #troubling if she was your type Janis: next step in a midlife crisis surely, younger woman Jimmy: easier for me to fake date her & 💔 him though Janis: Beats the cliche of him stealing your girlfriend Janis: very porn plot this Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 🤞 MILF Jimmy: as long as she ain't got any kids Jimmy: the last one did & she was always trying to organise playdates Janis: Eurgh Janis: own siblings are bad enough Jimmy: didn't have a hot teenage daughter or nowt Jimmy: step it up, Valerie Janis: Un🍀 Jimmy: what you doing with your day? Janis: Gotta start prep now, obvs Janis: whole military operation you know Janis: give a bitch 3-5 working days notice next time Jimmy: you've got a bit Jimmy: not like its tomorrow Jimmy: 🥇 yeah Janis: 😭😭😭 Janis: NO JIMMY Janis: gonna look such a state now OMG Jimmy: just don't borrow owt from your sister & you won't have anything to bond with our honored guest over Jimmy: job done Janis: 🙄 she probably has a moodboard waiting for the day, like Jimmy: #sisterbonding Jimmy: how goals Janis: piss off Janis: defs don't owe you that much Jimmy: I'm gonna owe you loads of compensation for the cancer 'cause of all the 🚬 we gotta do Jimmy: my dad hates when I leave the table for it Jimmy: #deathwishinalltheways Janis: 😂 Janis: how many ways can you show him up Janis: challenge forreal Jimmy: wait 'til I start touching you up under the table, mate Jimmy: he's gonna be livid Janis: 😳 Janis: boy Jimmy: you turning down the challenge already? Janis: 'Course not Janis: #dedicated Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: why I like you Janis: Who else gonna come family dinner and fuck shit up, like Janis: duh Jimmy: If I told them I'll do more than play footsie with 'em probably a fair few lasses but Janis: shut up Janis: nuuh Jimmy: you shut up Jimmy: I want you to do it Janis: 🙄 Janis: whatever Jimmy: whatever yourself, dickhead Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: you love yourself so much, like Janis: 😏 Jimmy: & that's what you like 'bout me Janis: Sure Janis: no convincing you otherwise so ain't wasting my breath Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 Janis: lucky you ain't here Janis: 🥊 Jimmy: 💔 gutted I ain't 😍😍😍 Janis: Pervert Jimmy: won't tell you how adorable you look when you sleep then 😘 Janis: Good Janis: I ain't adorable don't be trying to spread that about Janis: cheek Jimmy: 👼 you Janis: Actually such a wind-up merchant Janis: ugh Jimmy: you love it, Jennifer Janis: Hmm clearly Janis: or I'm a sucker for the pain Jimmy: I get it, you're hurting being away from me Janis: yeah, every minute feels like an hour, babe Janis: 'specially the more you chat on Jimmy: I know Jimmy: It really aches, yeah Jimmy: you just Jimmy: need me Janis: don't make me actually miss you Janis: gotta get things done today, like Janis: can't stay in bed waiting and dreaming 😏 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: I know Janis: rich girl fantasy Jimmy: it ain't my top one but it's the easiest for you to get done Jimmy: no effort like Janis: Tick it off my to-do list Janis: hmu with the rest Jimmy: I can't if I ain't allowed to miss you Janis: not on the clock, has your manager put a ban on Janis: Pete so highkey Janis: bless Jimmy: 😂 Janis: would love to run the place into the ground to piss off my sister but not gonna fuck w ur funds like that Janis: bit rude Jimmy: fuck it school starts soon Jimmy: go on Jimmy: 👍 Janis: that much of a dickhead day yeah Janis: poor boy Jimmy: blasting classic FM Jimmy: full orchestra mood Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: 😎 Janis: So cute how you dellude yourself Janis: 💕 Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you're meant to be making me feel not shit Jimmy: one job, like Janis: 😘 love you Jimmy: only works if you 😗 me in person Janis: you want me to come in later Jimmy: do you wanna? Jimmy: shit to do, yeah Janis: Not THAT much shit Janis: girl gotta eat Jimmy: in it for the smoothies Jimmy: & bacon sarnies Janis: what else? 🤷 Jimmy: pay up then, rich girl Janis: That's how it is now, yeah? Janis: gonna hit me with a massive tab to pay Jimmy: it's out of control Jimmy: sort it out, mate Jimmy: 👌 Janis: thought you was adding it to my sister's Janis: actually 💔 Jimmy: I will from now on Jimmy: least I know I'll get it Janis: 😱 Janis: invite her to dinner if she's so reliable Jimmy: the IT couple would like her too much Jimmy: nah tah Jimmy: not the plan Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: your grasp on compliments needs work Jimmy: alright dickhead Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: what do you wanna hear? Janis: nothing Jimmy: I'll piss off then Janis: 👍 Jimmy: what? Janis: Don't matter Janis: forget about it Jimmy: don't be faking there's nowt wrong now Jimmy: what Janis: Seriously, it's nothing Janis: it just pisses me off when everyone chats how nice she is Jimmy: I weren't Jimmy: I was saying she's #basic & so are they Janis: yeah Janis: it's fine then Jimmy: is it? Jimmy: bring some enthusiasm with you into it Janis: 😒 Janis: don't push it Jimmy: don't chat that it's fine if it ain't Janis: oh my god Janis: boy Jimmy: you're testing me, girl Janis: shut up Janis: haven't you got a shitty customer to go deal with or something Jimmy: yeah but your bollocks takes priority Janis: feel so special Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: & stop Janis: alright Janis: later then yeah Jimmy: 👌 Janis: am i coming at lunch or nah Jimmy: do you wanna or nah? Janis: so helpful Janis: yeah whatever Janis: gym is close anyway and that's where I'm headed next so Jimmy: 👍 Janis: bring some enthusiasm with you Jimmy: saving it for when you show up Jimmy: gotta give the fans what they want Janis: 'course Janis: that's what really counts Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I'll have my 😍😍 fixed & ready like Jimmy: too much enthusiasm for the CG Janis: That's just your customer service style Janis: I be knowing Jimmy: ask your sister Jimmy: it ain't Janis: 💔 -her Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: such a heartbreaker boy Jimmy: hit my ex up Jimmy: she'll chat on it for ages Janis: well you had to do something pretty bad for her to steal your man Janis: figured Jimmy: 'course Janis: 💀 Jimmy: did you just die? Jimmy: no warning, tah Janis: the conversation did Janis: but good to know I gotta give you my notice 'fore I kms Janis: wasn't clear in the deal Jimmy: write me a letter Jimmy: it'll look great on the 'gram Janis: 😂 Janis: gonna fully blame you and ruin your life from beyond the grave Jimmy: figured Jimmy: already said ages ago what a nightmare you are Janis: I remember Janis: twat Jimmy: #inspo for your note then Janis: what you being annoying for Jimmy: Me? Jimmy: you Janis: No I ain't Jimmy: actually piss off then Janis: Fuck you Jimmy: nah Jimmy: you won't Janis: Very mature Jimmy: soz I didn't realise I'd added my dad to the chat Jimmy: hang on Janis: 😑 Janis: There's no point even trying right now is there Jimmy: do you even wanna try making that sound like a question Janis: What have I done Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: it's all me Jimmy: we established that Janis: 🙄 Janis: Yeah go on then Janis: if it makes you feel better Janis: go for your life Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: tah for the permission Janis: So welcome Jimmy: felt it Janis: What? Jimmy: so welcoming you Janis: Yeah fuck me for inviting you 'round Janis: what a nightmare Jimmy: leave it out Janis: whatever Janis: not gonna force you to be grateful Janis: not what it was Jimmy: why say it then? Jimmy: sounds like that is what you want, rich girl Janis: no Janis: it ain't Janis: I want you to stop being like this but I ain't gonna beg Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: could've been hot but alright Janis: it ain't funny Janis: shut up Jimmy: I told you to piss off Jimmy: how many times do I have to? Janis: I can do what I want Janis: mute me if you're so arsed Jimmy: you're so good at that yourself Jimmy: no need Janis: Ha Janis: good one Jimmy: not just a #prettyface Jimmy: why I kill in tips Janis: Obviously Janis: not your coffee Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: book your slot for comedy open mic, babe Janis: Too much like work Janis: with this bank account? Janis: fuck off Jimmy: must've got you confused with my other fake girlfriend again Jimmy: soz Janis: maybe one day you'll get a real one and she'll help you keep track Jimmy: if I get a real one there's no room for fake Jimmy: job done Janis: Rooting for you Jimmy: again, no need Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: Do it then Jimmy: what are you trying to challenge me for? Jimmy: if I wanted one we wouldn't be here Janis: Nah Jimmy: what? Janis: I said what I said Jimmy: & I didn't understand it Jimmy: so Janis: Call it a language barrier Jimmy: just tell me what you're going on about Janis: Why would I want to Janis: more to take the piss outta me for, yeah, no tah Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Exactly Jimmy: if you can say something once & act like you stand by it you can say it again so I get it Janis: Why don't you want a girlfriend then Jimmy: why would I? Jimmy: got enough going on Janis: Okay Jimmy: you wanna try that again? Jimmy: weren't convinced Janis: Shut up Janis: how is it any less time consuming fake dating then Jimmy: it ain't Jimmy: but we've got a deal Janis: It can be done Jimmy: is that what you want? Janis: I probably won't come out of it looking the best but I'll make it work Jimmy: not what I asked, was it Janis: Think what you want about me but I'm not trying to make your life harder Janis: let's get that straight Jimmy: what the fuck are you thinking if you reckon that's what I'm saying Jimmy: never did Janis: Are you serious, you literally just did Janis: you've got enough on, it's time-consuming Janis: don't act like I've pulled it out my arse Jimmy: nah you've just twisted it on the exit out Jimmy: I ain't got time to go looking for a girlfriend is what I said Janis: You would if you weren't doing this Jimmy: maybe but I am doing it Jimmy: I told you, we've got a deal Jimmy: I'm not just fucking off out of it Janis: Well I said you could Janis: you can't choose to keep doing it and make it my fault when I've given you an out Jimmy: well I don't want to Jimmy: & nowts your fault so shut up Janis: that ain't how it feels Jimmy: how's it feel then? Janis: like you're taking every opportunity to remind me of how much of a fucking hardship it is and how badly you don't wanna do it Jimmy: come on Jimmy: you know that ain't how it is Janis: That's how you're being Janis: how it seems Janis: which is pretty fucking shitty considering Jimmy: considering what? Jimmy: you let me in your big, fancy house or have we moved on to summat else now? Janis: Don't Janis: Obviously not Jimmy: don't what, tell you how you made it sound? Jimmy: like you did some huge fucking favor to me Janis: That's not what I meant Janis: but by that point you'd had several digs at me already Janis: so yeah, maybe it came out a bit harsh, if I recall you were saying just how welcoming I was and that was just the last of Jimmy: 'cause you were having a massive strop from the sec I mentioned your sister Jimmy: instead of just taking the compliment Janis: That's no excuse to say some of the shit you said is it Jimmy: I don't have any excuses Jimmy: just Janis: Fine Jimmy: don't say it's fine when it isn't Jimmy: I fucked it up, alright Jimmy: just like he wants me to Janis: I know you're having a shit time of it with your Dad, that's what I'm saying, I'm not trying to 'cause more problems Janis: if it stops being worth it on your end you don't have to keep doing it, it's not that important, my rep was for shit anyway so Jimmy: don't go Jimmy: that's important to me Janis: is it Jimmy: you know you make everything less shit Jimmy: so I need you, okay Janis: but you said Janis: no Janis: okay Jimmy: what did I say? Jimmy: go on Jimmy: you can Janis: I don't even know how you said it now or when in this convo and I don't want to reread but Janis: I was saying it was shitty to say all the things you did considering you fucked me and are still fucking me, like Janis: don't have to be my best mate but like Janis: can you not Janis: okay Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: for real Jimmy: I'm not just saying it Jimmy: & I shouldn't have said what I did Jimmy: I get it if you don't like me anymore Janis: Don't be stupid Janis: I said some things, even if I didn't mean it that's still how it came out so Janis: sorry too and let's just Janis: move on yeah Jimmy: maybe I am Jimmy: stupid Janis: No you're not Janis: being it but we all do and it's excusable given, alright Jimmy: I really wanna be with you Jimmy: I should've just skipped & stayed Jimmy: I didn't reckon on him actually showing up Janis: I wasn't expecting that either Janis: I mean, devil's advocate and don't shoot me, guess it shows he cares on some level Janis: even if it's for the wrong, selfish reasons, idk Janis: trying to make him seem not like a total twat is hard Jimmy: you don't have to Jimmy: just try and forget what a total twat I am Janis: You're not though Janis: unfortunate, be easier to ignore with the rest then but you aren't Jimmy: are you at the gym? Jimmy: I'm gonna leave Janis: I didn't get there in the end Janis: do you want to come back here or Janis: I wasn't showing off, or trying to Janis: that ain't me, I know I'm rich and whatever but Jimmy: let me come back Jimmy: 'cause I know that Jimmy: I was just being a dickhead after he was to me Janis: I get it Janis: I should've been nicer Janis: I'm not good at all this Jimmy: nah you are Jimmy: don't be a doormat to me Jimmy: I don't want it Janis: If I'd been less of a dickhead to begin with we might not have got to this point though but Jimmy: you've always been a dickhead Jimmy: I like it Jimmy: I like you Janis: I like you too Janis: it Janis: it's not just a deal to me okay Jimmy: don't just say that to make me feel better Janis: I ain't Janis: I didn't think you'd wanna hear it so literal opposite of what I was reckoning but Jimmy: you're Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: too good for me & this bollocks probably Janis: Nah Janis: anyway, I want to too Janis: I'm not gonna just piss off, yeah Janis: sorry about it Jimmy: be my real girlfriend then Janis: what Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: Yeah and it's a total 180 to like everything you just said so Janis: hold on, like Jimmy: alright, shut up Janis: are YOU saying what you think I wanna hear now Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: I'm saying what I wanna say Jimmy: don't make me feel weird about it Janis: sorry Janis: just checking Janis: okay then Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: 'cause I'm coming to your house right now so be sure, tah Jimmy: hung up my apron & everything Janis: 💔 for the apron moment Janis: yeah, I'm sure Jimmy: I can keep it on if you're that into it Jimmy: take me a sec to go back & grab it & I'll get some weird looks but Janis: 😏 you're ridiculous Jimmy: you got me now so get used to the #craic Janis: God you're so cute, shut up Jimmy: will you come with me later to make sure everyone's alright at mine? your true love 🐶 included? Janis: Yeah Janis: 'course I will Jimmy: before my dad gets back, I'm not an animal Jimmy: you don't have to deal with that Janis: Don't worry, if it gives all of you an easier life, I'm happy to avoid him Jimmy: if only Jimmy: if it ain't you it's owt else Janis: 😕 yeah Janis: I'll climb up the drainpipe when I miss you, it's fine 💪 Jimmy: you're so hot Jimmy: can't even remember what I was feeling like before Jimmy: just 😍 now Janis: You know I like sleeping with you Janis: I mean actual sleeping Jimmy: you should stop growing though Jimmy: it's really gonna fuck us over Janis: Yeah, imagine it's easier with Bobs Jimmy: coffee stunts your growth, babe Jimmy: just saying Jimmy: if you really wanna make life easiier Janis: think of my basketball career Janis: someone should've warned Gracie, no catching up now love Jimmy: believe me i'm 💔 Jimmy: the potential those legs coulda had Jimmy: yours not hers Janis: 😂 speedy recovery like for the love of God don't start up again bitch Jimmy: you know Jimmy: don't want you dumping me when we only just got together for real Janis: You wish Janis: no chance, mate Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: scared enough tah Jimmy: always chatting 'bout how much you're gonna fuck me up Janis: 1. you love it Janis: 2. how nice am I to you actually, fuck the chat Jimmy: 1. your house takes ages to get to, owt could happen Jimmy: 2. see #1 Janis: Have a little faith, boy Jimmy: I told you, Jesus don't live with us, girl Jimmy: much as I'd love to make him pay his share Janis: 😏 he died for YOUR sins Janis: yours specifically Jimmy: I ain't done nowt wrong a day in my life Jimmy: bit rude Janis: Come here and start then Janis: Loser Jimmy: VERY rude Jimmy: 1. 🥇 Jimmy: 2. I want you so bad right now don't say shit like that Janis: 1. team Janis: 2. try and stop me now I've got every right to want you as much as I do Jimmy: 3. alright but I reckon this is the same bus driver so if you keep turning me on he's gonna think I love him Janis: 4. already tryna get an old man involved Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: don't kink shame me Jimmy: not very goals Janis: fine bring with but I ain't touching him Jimmy: I'm pretty sure he just likes to watch Jimmy: definitely remembers me Janis: Gonna have to be a solo show for now Janis: don't disappoint Jimmy: don't tempt me Jimmy: I miss you Jimmy: being back here ain't helping Janis: how and why does that feel like ages ago Janis: i wanted you so badly Jimmy: 'cause I've fucked you so many times since then Jimmy: keep wanting me, alright Janis: 🤤 Janis: done Janis: you're Janis: i don't know but whatever you are you're a lot of it Jimmy: stop Jimmy: I don't want to get arrested for being a horny mute Jimmy: especially when I fuck up the last bit Janis: He likes it, he's not gonna call Garda Jimmy: not gonna like it when I say your name though Janis: sure he would, he just likes to watch Janis: remembers me too, like Jimmy: might think I'm cheating Jimmy: girl of so many names you Janis: brought that on yourself, boy Janis: surprised you haven't said the wrong one during Jimmy: It ain't my fault I can't read Janis: can't stop shaming you can i Janis: how rude Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: I get it though, trying to turn me from horny to heartbroken Jimmy: tah babe Janis: Poor baby Janis: switch it up on you and make you feel all better when you get here Jimmy: I'm so mad at you for being able to touch yourself if you want Jimmy: bit rude Janis: 😏 Janis: i mean you could but you're 🐔 Jimmy: think carefully before you lay that challenge down Jimmy: you know I'll do it Janis: I know I want you to do it but Janis: are you up for the REAL challenge of not getting caught Jimmy: only but now is how bad do you want me to Jimmy: 'cause of course I am Jimmy: taught me everything I need to know, didn't you? Are YOU doubting your techniques? Janis: 'Course I'm not, I told you, I never got caught Janis: I want you to do it Janis: this bad [nude] Jimmy: alright, you have to do it too though & try to be caught Jimmy: that's your challenge Janis: Jesus Janis: Okay Jimmy: how are we gonna prove this? Janis: Record it? Jimmy: I already can't think properly Jimmy: no shit Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Step in the right direction Janis: you don't need to think at all, just feel Jimmy: it's your fault, sending me that pic Jimmy: now I'm just Jimmy: feeling a lot Janis: You're welcome for the headstart I gave you Janis: I had to put my clothes back on and find a place I could get caught Jimmy: feeling left out? like it's too much of a challenge? Jimmy: Let me help you Jimmy: [sends own pics of how turned on he is] Janis: Fuck Janis: see, you have to touch yourself Janis: that is too good to waste Jimmy: if anyone does catch me I'll tell them it's a #medicalemergency Jimmy: but they won't Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: I'll cosign it babe Janis: why we have to fuck so much, yeah? Jimmy: feel free to use the excuse when you get rumbled Jimmy: female hysteria, yeah Janis: Not aftr that rant from my Ma as pillowtalk Jimmy: where are you anyway? Janis: Outside Janis: Nice day and it reminds me of the times we've nearly Jimmy: shit Jimmy: I should not have asked Jimmy: that's Janis: You'll see when you watch my video won't you Janis: do my best with the angles Jimmy: likewise Jimmy: fuck me outside when we won't get caught, alright Janis: You know you're so talented Janis: gonna be #art Janis: Yes, I want that Jimmy: You're #art Jimmy: tonight then 🤞 Janis: Definitely Janis: at yours or mine Jimmy: less people to catch us at mine Jimmy: but 'cause you're in your garden now I wanna do it there Janis: We can do it right here Janis: x marks the spot Jimmy: I want to Jimmy: real challenge is me doing you better than you can Janis: That's no challenge come on Jimmy: bit rude to yourself that Jimmy: I know you're good, babe Janis: You're better Janis: so much better Jimmy: I can't take that compliment right now Jimmy: I've got a challenge not to fail Jimmy: can't if I die Janis: Well if I get caught I might get murdered so Janis: see you in Hell baby Jimmy: 👍 Janis: How hard are you biting your lip right now? Jimmy: you'll see if I've got my angles Jimmy: but fuck Jimmy: I can really feel it Janis: it hurts good right? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: it'll feel even better when you kiss me later Janis: I'll be so gentle Janis: 'til I can't Jimmy: never gonna be mad 'bout you losing control Janis: Good because Janis: This feels incredible Jimmy: I wanna know exactly how it feels Jimmy: but I don't wanna put you off Janis: I'm doing this for you, Jimmy Janis: I want to tell you Jimmy: yeah but typing & filming Jimmy: you need some control for that Jimmy: you're meant to lose it all Janis: I'm using talk and type already Janis: One step ahead Jimmy: I'm mad that I have to be sneaky & you don't Jimmy: I want Janis: What do you want? Jimmy: I wanna just Jimmy: let go too Janis: You can Jimmy: I can't Jimmy: so tell me what it's like Janis: It's like Janis: my hearts already beating fast because of how turned on I am but then it's going insane because I know anyone could see me, hear me, right now Janis: I feel like I could pass out Jimmy: I reckon you could hear mine on this recording 'cause I'm making no sound Jimmy: trying not to breathe too loud even Janis: You're so good Janis: You can totally lose control when you get here Janis: and tonight Jimmy: I have to with you Jimmy: nowt else I can Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: you know it Jimmy: you're Jimmy: gonna be the death of me Janis: I can't help it Janis: You're Janis: there's so much I want to do with you Jimmy: we can Jimmy: you're my girlfriend now you can just Janis: say that again Jimmy: what? Janis: say I'm your girlfriend again Jimmy: you are Jimmy: you're my girlfriend, Janis Janis: you're gonna know when you said that when you see this Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: bit awkward if I don't Janis: Trust Janis: How did that nearly get me off Jimmy: I better not chat 'bout how long I wanted to ask you then Janis: Tell me Janis: You gotta talk in here so you keep 😶 Jimmy: it's been ages Jimmy: before you made us miss our stop, like Janis: You mean it Jimmy: you don't think so? Janis: I believe you Janis: I just Janis: I dunno how this happened Jimmy: at the party I just Jimmy: there was so much shit I wanted to say Jimmy: I thought I was just drunk but Janis: I remember Janis: I felt it as well Janis: you can tell me anything you want Jimmy: I got drunk hoping I would just tell you Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: & so I could be around you & not be a dickhead Janis: I love hanging out with you Janis: I just do Janis: it never felt fake Jimmy: yeah but I reckoned you were faking it Jimmy: for a bit Janis: I'm not Janis: I mean, I don't have friends for a reason Janis: I keep people away Janis: I wasn't used to any of it, so I didn't think I would like you or anything, that it'd be easy to fake and feel nothing butt Jimmy: I get it, the only reason I had friends back home is 'cause I'd always had that same group since I was well younger Jimmy: they wouldn't go away Jimmy: I tried Janis: Yeah Janis: exactly Janis: you have to be a real cunt to get them to go, it's not fun Jimmy: I was Jimmy: & still Jimmy: but I don't want you to go Jimmy: don't Janis: Clearly, I'm a better actor than you #humblebrag #sorry Janis: I won't Janis: where am I going Jimmy: hollywood maybe Janis: unless I accidentally post this vid and make it big Jimmy: you better not 'cause then I'd have to post mine as a one up Jimmy: twitter already can't handle me Janis: not for moral support nor nothing, just gotta upstage me Janis: take the clout of how many times I've said your name already and be happy 'cos I can't handle you either Jimmy: fuck Jimmy: it's getting really hard to be subtle Janis: you aren't subtle, that's what I like about you Jimmy: you might, the rest of the passengers won't Jimmy: not if I touch myself how I really want Jimmy: they're all gonna notice then Janis: they've seen worse on the bus, like Janis: not like you aren't the literal most drop dead gorgeous boy around Janis: appreciate and enjoy, people Jimmy: Janis Jimmy: you're really not helping me win here Jimmy: different challenges, remember? Janis: 😈 Janis: Losing can be fun Janis: I'm finding out Jimmy: You're not gonna lose Jimmy: someone's gonna catch you Jimmy: come on Janis: why does that make me hornier what the fuck Jimmy: You want it Jimmy: baby come on Jimmy: you can do it Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: I know Jimmy: do it for me, yeah Janis: Yes Janis: Holy Jimmy: cum Jimmy: we can together Janis: I want you to cum on my face tonight, will you, please Janis: that's what I'm thinking about, and how much of a mess you're gonna be when you get here Jimmy: like I said, you're my girlfriend now Jimmy: we can do anything Janis: that's tipped me over the edge Jimmy: it's alright Janis: Oh Jesus who just pulled up Jimmy: you're winning, girl Janis: I don't think I can move Janis: this is Jimmy: so stay Janis: Okay Janis: Shit Jimmy: who is it? Janis: My Dad Janis: my brother is with him, Pablo Jimmy: at least it's not Grace Jimmy: then you'd have to move Jimmy: can't give her a captive audience Janis: More terrifying caught than them noticing me right now Janis: *thought whoops Jimmy: what do you look like? Jimmy: help me picture it Janis: Okay, so, I'm laying on the grass with my knees up, and I just have a baggy t-shirt on and I had my knickers around my ankles but I quickly took them all the way off when I heard them so now I'm just holding them in my right hand and they're soaked, I must be so pink and embarrassed, I'm literally out of breath, it's so obvious Jimmy: oh Jimmy: let me know if they decide to stop and say hi then Janis: They better not, I'm holding it back, but I really need to cum again Janis: I know I can't be quiet Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I believe in you Janis: Jimmy tell me what to do Janis: this hurts, I don't know if they're staying or going or what Jimmy: don't wait for 'em to stop pissing 'bout Jimmy: do what you gotta do Jimmy: make yourself quiet this time, you already won Janis: Yeah I did Janis: you're Janis: actually the best boyfriend Jimmy: it's cause you're my #muse Jimmy: so inspiring Jimmy: never more than now Janis: So cute Jimmy: if I could I'd draw you exactly like this Jimmy: You're actually art, you know Janis: that's what 📸 are for Janis: but I cannot deal with all these compliments right now Jimmy: you have to Jimmy: 'cause you said I could tell you anything I want Jimmy: & you're like properly beautiful Janis: Baby Jimmy: I wanna know you & I don't wanna know anyone Jimmy: hate you a bit for it but Janis: Sorry Janis: but I feel it too Jimmy: It's alright, I really like you too Jimmy: we can still be goals Janis: we are Janis: undeniably Janis: even the haters are obsessed Jimmy: did you check your bushes for Mia before you started fucking yourself? Probably should've Janis: even the idea of accidentally getting her off by-proxy isn't enough to turn me off right now Janis: though I would've ideally been way more rough Jimmy: you need to keep going 'cause that's the horniest anyone has or could ever have been Janis: 😂 I told you it was bad Jimmy: I'm not far away Jimmy: we can sort this Janis: My hero Jimmy: gonna make you swoon dramatically, yeah Janis: Better be planning on making me do more than that, boy Jimmy: I don't need a plan Jimmy: I know what to do Janis: You really fucking do Jimmy: 1. is fucking you with my tongue for a bit 'cause as hello's go, top one Jimmy: if you can stay conscious I'll show you what 2. is Janis: 😩 You know how hard I'm gonna cum right, like, be prepared Janis: your tongue is Jimmy: I want it & you want it Jimmy: don't worry Janis: Why are you perfect Janis: and how Jimmy: I ain't Jimmy: I'm just a good boyfriend Jimmy: you'll see Janis: I believe it Janis: but I look forward to knowing Jimmy: leave your review under my pillow as part of the Dear John to soften the blow when you dump me Janis: Hush Jimmy: I don't have to now Jimmy: challenge is over Jimmy: video now or later? Janis: Hmm Janis: Later, I wanna watch it with you here, preferably when you're going down on me Janis: can have a review then Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: gives me time to edit so I look pretty how you like 😏 Jimmy: gonna give myself anime eyes or some shit 😂 Janis: You always look pretty, you just are, it's rude Janis: we've all jacked it to hentai, ain't too proud, try me but please don't 😂 Jimmy: this is why you're girlfriend material Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😏

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ronracer · 5 years

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Yo,

I have never doubted my feelings towards anyone I have told I love them. And outside of going a little beyond my means to make them smile I've never had to prove how much I truly love them....

But I've been dealing with this company BasicInvite.com

Screwing up our Save the Dates... And watching my fiancee tear up enraged me to a level I never knew... Like I love her so much and on such a primal level that just half tears in her eyes

Let's back up a bit.

Wedding Planning Pt2: invitations

I'm kinda jumping ahead of a bit but im pissed rn so we'll circle back around to the cute fun stuff of this topic. I'm sure by now you all have seen our bomb ass engagement photos. We loved them so much we wanted to use them as our save the dates!

We ordered our save the dates through this company. Being the life-long procrastinators we have chosen to be admittedly we sat on this longer than need be. So we Paid extra for the faster shipping. We get all giddy and excited because it's just one more step towards our new lives. Of course she goes to check on it first ... But the tracking number we received was not working. Called customer service and TREVOR explained that somehow our save the dates were lost!!

Some shit about the post office not scanning the box or something. Now they are a small business, probably have one person taking mail. Part of me felt like they just forgot to put the box in the mail. None of that mattered though. We NEED these save the dates ASAP.

He assured us he was print us new ones and they would be shipped out immediately and they would refund me The extra shipping cost. I lightheartedly tell him The misses will kill me cuz The was my task so don't worried about refunding the money and if we have to pay more to get same day shipping we'll do that. Apparently they can't do same day shipping which makes no damn sense but whateva. The next morning the original package mysteriously gets an update on the tracking number. Interesting... But regardless Trevor said he would send us a new set. Then we get an email. They TOO have noticed movement on the package and now will WAIT and see before they send a new set.

Um..

..No. We explain to them that we could not afford to wait, which is why we paid extra for the shipping anyway. I asked again for Trevor. He said they understood and would go ahead making the second batch. They were just "letting me know"... Ok... A day goes by and we reach out again because we havent got a tracking number for the second batch. They tell us that the second batch did not pass its quality control inspection and now they have to print a THIRD batch which would take another 3 days!!! They said the good news was that it looked like the original batch would be there the next day anyways. Upon hearing this my sweet little future wife begins tear up off pure frustration. Because honestly, and tell us if we wrong, but it really felt like our original assumptions about them just forgetting to mail the first box was correct. And now they are dragging us along until it shows up so they don't have to make a new box...

Am I wrong?

At this moment my patience had worn out.

I demanded to have this new batch made and shipped the same day because at this point we had wasted too much time to get a refund and go anywhere else. They gave me some b.s. about having a contract with USPS and can't do same day. I demanded to speak to a higher up which i was denied.

Fuck that.

You see the unseen problem small businesses have is that They rely too much on their own social media. So finding the CEO was only a click away.

And I sent him a lengthy FB msg

After that They assured me I would be getting my package that day and give me a full refund. Of course I had heard this three times already. I told them I would NOT get off the phone until my packing is literally in the hands of the postman and I get an email SAYING it was shipped. I'm not kidding you guise. I put the phone on speaker at work at say there with them for 5hours.

They actually sent a picture of the box on the truck and then tried to hang up on me! Hold up. No. I said I needed both the picture AND update on the tracking. Not just being a dick about the situation but if we all remember in the beginning how this all started was them saying "the mail man must have forgotten to scan it..." So you will WAIT with me as I refresh until it says on the way. But I felt bad for the poor girl on the phone, syd I think her name was. So I said this is Trevors fault put his ass on the phone.

There was a strange silence then she says he's out of the office... I really hate when people try and play you like we haven't all worked customer service and managers have given us the I'm not here face

I asked when he would be back and she says she can't give me his schedule. I then tell her if I have to call back for him the civility of this interaction, which was already at a low point, will be null. Further more I have enough sky miles to fly to Utah in the morning if I have to.... By this time the tracking has updated... She tries again to get off the phone. I say where's Trevor.. Oh he has magically reappeared.

Sounding annoyed by having to talk he immediately goes into this bland ingenuine corporate apology. BUT instead of apologizing on behalf of BasicInvite.com this foo says he stands by the quality and service of BasicInvite.com and he apologizes for USPS!?

Bruh...

How you gonna be so self absorbed you gonna blame the Untied States government.

Even if it's true they messed up the first box, which I still don't think they did. What about the 2nd box? Why did I have to curse two poor customer service reps out for you to figure out how to do same day shipping? He then tells me he thought maybe we were trying to get something for free

I went ALL the way off.

I said several times I didn't care about the money for these cheap ass save the dates I wanted the save the dates! I even suggested paying extra. So where in the fuck you get the idea I'm trying to get over?.. He hung up. I called back and got poor syd answers. I say put Trevor on the phone she again says he's not taking calls. I told her I will call everyday for the rest of this year until Trevor or Brock takes my call and gives me a real apology.

They truly had no idea who They just crossed.

I called everyday And only saying hello can I speak to Trevor til They blocked me. I then used the website chat. They blocked my IP from going to their website, then gave me a refund. I went to Starbucks used two pcs and vpns til they had to install a new chat service that could block instantly. Still all I said was hello I need to speak to Trevor. Finally getting a formal cease and desist email I stopped.Trevor you should thank your god that my god put a woman in my life with some sense because I was really prepared to torture you for the rest of my living days.

So now I have double the save the dates and nothing to do with them. If It were up to me I'd burn the whole lot of them post the video on IG and tag BasicInvite.com

Anyone out there listening please do not use these people. I should have known from the name they some basic bitches.

#lol #personal #wtf #im getting married #wedding #wedding planning #wedding invites #savethedate #wedding invitations #basic invties

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stibnitebunnysblog · 4 years

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BY: DEL CASTILLO, SHAHONEY

DE LOS SANTOS, NEN

DURAN, CHRISTINE JOY

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines success as a favorable or desired outcome. It also defines success as the attainment of wealth, favor or eminence. Why is success tied to wealth? And why does being successful mean having lots of money and fame? But for me, success shouldn't be defined by how much money you make, how high your grade point average is, or what circle you navigate towards.

There isn't a one-word answer to define what success means. My personal definition of success is being rich without wealth. To be successful it is necessary to be rich, but how can you be rich without an overflowing bank account and a bursting wallet.

Become rich with experiences; ones you can look back upon without any regret. You can be rich with happiness; even when things don't always go as we planned. Have rich connections and bond with your family, friends and peers. Instead of wasting your days away staring at a clock, stop worrying and become rich with time. Keep expanding your mind by being rich with creativity and new ideas. There is so much more to being rich than having money.

Maybe you are going to focus on money rather than living an enriched lifestyle, maybe money is your definition of success but when you look up success in the dictionary I hope you can see past the simply worded definition. It is my hope that you can live a successful lifestyle without focusing on your bank statement and anything, that instead, you can live rich with happiness. Let us live because, let's face the fact, success isn't wealth.

VALUING OUR FAMILY

Family is the single most important part of our life. Ever since, they are the one who teach us about values and serve one another as well as sharing life's joys and sorrow. They said that "The Family is the first essential cell of human society". Family may be has nothing to do with genes but and everything to do with love, compassion and support. We can define the word family in many things and can mean anything. Either your friend is your family or your certain someone.

There's no perfect family in every part of this world. There's always a misunderstanding between each member. However, when you have nowhere else to go, family is your route. Family will welcome you with open arms and and will always forgave you despite all the mistakes you've done.

But let's be practical, not all family are like that. Sometimes, they will dumped you for being 'like this', 'like that', 'why can't you be like that someone'. If you didn't reached their expectations, they will be disappointed of you and accused you of being an irresponsible daughter/son. And that sucks.

No one wants to be ever compared over someone else. We have our own characteristics, prowess and anything. We differs in everything. The question is, 'Would you still follow your parents' order even though you are not happy at all? Would you give up your happiness for them?

One of you might answered YES, because how could we disobeyed them where in fact they are the one who raised and feed us. In specific, we are just scared to be dump thinking we have nowhere else to go and that we are used to have them in our back. And for the word family.

We value our family so much that even sacrificed our own happiness for them. But for they are always right and always will even how hard it is to reach their high expectations.

WHEN YOU ARE INTROVERT

Introvert people never had their comfort zone. They always enjoying spending their time alone. Being an introvert was really hard for me. I may be enjoying being alone but there's this something inside I was lacking about. I only had two real friends in class. One was my cousin and the other one was an otaku. There's this day when my otaku seatmate was absent and I have no pair for the activity. And my other seatmate wants to work with her friend who was on rank no.1. I just shrugged my shoulders off and started the activity right away. Working without a pair was really hard for me because the activity the teacher have given has a really long solution. But still I finished it.

Being alone without any other friends was no good. I felt a stabbed in my heart as I made my way to my room. I lying in my bed while looking up the ceiling and thinking about how bad my day was. I grabbed my journal from the cabinet and I started to write such emotional and mourning poems I've been keeping for a very long time. I was totally hurt and somewhat disappointed of myself as to why I am like this? Why I feel like I don't belong to them? What's worse is that I don't feel like I even exist when I'm around them.

My every day was no special at all. I woke up early and go to school then go home and write something in my journal. And that repeat endlessly.

But as time passes by, I can say I am better than I was. I concur that by writing poems, I expressed my emotions to I've been keeping for a very long time. It's like an effective medicine that gradually heals me. And with that I started to change myself slowly. I gained friends who genuinely cares for me and treating me like I belong to their group even though we just know each other not so long ago.

I recommend that when you are lonely, Tru to write something from your heart and vent your grudges and hatred through writing. Trust me, just by simply doing it, you will be better.

WHEN DETECTIVE NOVEL HITS YOU

Have you ever heard how cool detective novel is?

I was very late to discover such amazing detective novels. I was used to just chilling and minding my own business but when life's suddenly becomes boring, reading has been my counterpart. With that I also started to lost interest about mere things and anything which I can say a one good effect (my opinion). I was been told by my friends that I am no more my old self. I was stupid, I can say. I has this mind like a ten year old kid when I was in junior high. I lacked of knowledge about simple things and such. I want to pinch my old self for not getting matured early. Somehow I just laughed alone when I remembered how silly I was back then. But we all believe that people do change, don't we?

By reading detective novels, I started to think in a more mature way of solving problems rather than just giving vague explanations of who did that and why they did it. It catched my interest and preferences, I guess. Who wouldn't love mystery novels nowadays?

However, I've also got some quiet good benefits of reading these cool types of book is that-- as what I have experienced, you become the character that is there in the book. My perceptions in life has changed too and I believed it is because of the attitude of the character I was reading. Like I became keen observer, which was not so me. I also know how to crack codes and learned some. I was imagining myself like I was some sort of detective like Sherlock Holmes, Shinichi Kudo and of course, the very cool amongst all, Loki Mendez.

Some of you might think that it really does no good to me but everyone, we have this thing called taste and preferences. Like you can't just force someone to also like what you are liking. I keeps on recommending these books to my friends but it seemed like they were not interested at all. And that makes me disappointed.

If I were to choose amongst mystery novel and a romantic one. I will surely pick the former. Romantic novel is good but mystery novel is far more better.

Things have gone very hard right now because I couldn't buy any of those books displayed in the store. Like it's teasing me because I have no money to spend for them. I was really trying my best to save money to buy those but school payments is dragging me down.

Nonetheless, I believe time will come and I'd have it my hand while making a gargling sound saying 'my precious' using Smeagol's voice. But anyway, no matter how hard the life right now, if I have my book, I wouldn't mind thinking about anything. I can say reading mystery novels has become one of my passion and I will never bothered giving up on it over anything non-sense this world has.

DREAMS OVER FRIENDSHIP? FRIENDSHIP OVER DREAMS?

Dreams and friendship, should you choose between them? Shall you pursue one and leave the other alone? Or, should you pursue your dreams with your friends?

Let's talk about dreaming first. Dreams are meant to be live. I've read and heard about this, which made me think, other people around me reached their dreams without their old friends. I've seen them on their social medias. And others are so busy with their dreams that they've forgotten about their friends while others are busy hanging out with their friends that they've forgotten about their dreams.

Then what is friendship? Is it a bad thing especially when you're achieving goals in life or rather, it would help you to become stronger. Friendship is just a wonderful thing that could happen between people. It's like God has given you another brother or sister that you treat them as you family. Based from what I've experienced, other friends stayed longer than love relationship. Some I've cut them out of my life. The reason why is that they aren't real and bad-mouthed me behind my back. It really does take years before you realize what kind of relationship do you have with this people. Are they too clingy? Are they fake? Leaving you behind? Or a true friend/s that wouldn't leave you in case of trouble?. We can never know.

Dreams and friendship are both wonderful things made by God, through our minds and hearts. These people are talking can tear you apart, can make you cry or laugh. But then at the end of the day, would it be better if you could reach and live your dreams together with your friend. A strong bond that will motivate you to work harder and to achieve more goals together.

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seacreek · 4 years

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I don't want to write anything where irl friends would see (no one is gonna see this here anyway) but I need to get this out of me.

Liiiikeeeee

I was (am?) literally the most suicidal I've ever been in my life today (is today over if it's 2 am?) and not only can I tell that to NO ONE, but it's like God was fucking rubbing it my face all day. I actually laughed at one point bc I was driving behind someone thinking of whether I should try to do it at home or somewhere else when I noticed their license plate said KYS and then a mashup of my birthday numbers.

But like I've already been feeling this building bc I'm behind on bills and have no heat and it's gonna snow soon and it's the holidays which remind me that my family is all spread out and I don't really talk to my parents anymore and somedays I talk to no one at all but my cat and my life is going NOWHERE with no way to change that but to work myself even harder when I don't even feel like I have anything at all to give anymore.

And I already felt like calling out bc even though I chose to work Thanksgiving yesterday knowing I'd be the only one there, it was still depressing to know that normal people are with friends and family and I'm not. But I also didn't want to take up my neighbors/friends on their offers to join them bc I did that last year and got all the questions about what I was doing with my life and at the time I actually believed I'd be going back to school the next year but now I realize how I can't possibly afford that without accepting help from someone which would BE my neighbors bc my parents would not help and I can't pay for it alone. And I can't accept help from them bc I feel like I would just get overwhelmed and depressed and flunk out and waste their money anyway. And the other reason I couldn't go over there/can't is bc I already feel like such a burden to them. They do all this nice stuff for me all the time and I catch myself even EXPECTING it at times which is fucking disgusting. Even if I'm grateful and say thank you, it's not like they owe me anything just bc I have no one else to give it to me. So I need to stop accepting their help and gifts, but then I know they are judging me for that bc even though their really nice, they are also super judgmental and they really like me bc they think I have "potential", but if they knew that I'm actually just a natural born idiot and failure, they'd never want to talk to me in the first place. And also it's unhealthy probably how much I rely on their validation bc since I've known them since I was little, I'm almost using them as surrogate parents which is also fucked up bc they are not my parents, they have their own kids who actually have their lives together unlike me who is just like a pet project of theirs.

Soooo anyway I already had all this on my mind and more going into work today and when I get there, I look at the schedule and realize everyone called out but me!!!!

And so I had to make a frankenstein schedule out of all of theirs to prioritize what needed to get done and was still trying to do little favors for people in between that I didn't want to disappoint bc it wasn't their fault that their staff wasn't there to do it with them and it was getting super overwhelming. And then I'm super sensitive so when I'd have to tell someone that I COULDN'T do something extra for them that they really were looking forward to, it was already punching me in the gut to see their disappointment. But then the worst part is that they don't fully get that I'm not just choosing to do that out of spite, but I legitimately had negative amounts of time to get everything done so they would blame me for what I couldn't do for them. EVEN THOUGH I WAS WORKING LIKE 4 SCHEDULES IN 1. Like they don't have the capacity to think past what's in front of them sometimes which I understand it's not their fault, but it SUCKS bc then they are pissed at me even though I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to do everything for everyone and keep them all happy and they should really be annoyed with my coworkers who didn't come in but I didn't even throw them under the bus bc it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I'm the person in front of them who is "refusing to do what they ask" so it's my fault.

So that's how my day is going everywhere I go as I rush from person to person and place to place, answering calls, improvising on the spot, and constantly having to tell someone that whatever they had planned on today isn't possible and dealing with the result of that. And the WHOLE TIME I am DAYDREAMING about how I'm gonna kill myself when I get home. Maybe slit my wrists, wait no my leg because I know I'll chicken out on the wrists, wait no, I'll drive out to the ocean and just swim out until I'm drowning too far out to save myself, wait no, what bridges could I jump from let me google that, wait no, I could take all of the pills at home together but then I might throw them up so wait no, maybe I'll drag this out and just not eat or drink til I just die nah that takes too long etc etc etc. And I'm really thinking this is gonna happen tonight bc I already wrote a letter monday or tuesday and I'm sure they'll find that pretty fast when they look in my journals so I don't even have to worry about that part, just the doing. So I'm contemplating my end of life and getting more anxious and sad with every hour passing bc I'm really thinking this is it, this is the day I'm out. But really I keep getting caught up bc my CAT who is sadly the one being on earth that I love who could never understand, is at home. And I'm thinking about how if I kill myself while she's there and it takes time for people to realize I'm missing/find me, she will be sad/hungry/thirsty in the meantime. Which is so unecessary and all of my suicide plans get scrapped if they involve direct trauma of another being and she's the one that means the most, so how could I be so selfish as to not make a plan for her?

So I'm thinking of how I have to sneak her to my sister's place while she's still at work and that's stressful enough but more so bc then I'll have a time limit on getting this done bc as soon as she comes home and sees kaiya there without me and no explanation, she'll start blowing up my phone and when I don't answer, she'll call someone. And I don't want to do that in a pressured state, I need time to process everything and think about life and what I'm doing. Plus, what if I decide not to??? (Which is what ended up happening for tonight anyway) I would've done all that for nothing and then had to confess when she found kaiya anyway and have to go to a psych ward or something which would just ruin my life faster but make it harder to get out.

So I'm thinking ALL this ALL day while working my ass off yet still disappointing everyone and swallowing tears that would turn into sobs every hour until it's time to go home.

Then I drive home and even though I pray to God to send me some sign that he cares, he doesn't.

At this point, I've already lost the fire under me so I know this is another night where I just get through it, cuddle kaiya, and wake up the next day to do it all over and I've accepted that in a way.

Then 1 am rolls around and my sister calls me to say she stopped by a party where she ran into my old best friend and friends from high school. None of whom cared enough about me to even ask what I was up to these days, even though they were talking to my SISTER. And that whole growing apart thing took such a toll on me mentally and I do feel like I'm over it now these days, but it still brought up these gross sad feelings of when I was first realizing that they didn't really care about me anymore and then fully understanding that I didn't matter to them. Which hurt SO MUCH bc they were a ride or die for me, like I would have done anything for them and I never even DOUBTED they didn't feel the same until it was so obvious I had to stop pretending around it. And that fucked with ALL of my relationships with people. Every single friend I had, I started pulling away from bc I was so insecure in myself that I felt like I had to get away from them before they had the chance to drop me which I now felt was inevitable. To this day, I feel like I have a body count of of people that I desperately want to talk to, but don't let myself bc I feel like they don't deserve to have to put up with a person as shitty and worthless as me. And I do that in every possible relationship I have, platonic, romantic, and even familial. And I can't blame them for that bc they were just a normal person growing apart from someone I guess, but I think it triggered something laying dormant in me so badly that it was actually the catalyst for my inability to connect with other people in meaningful ways. I never meet a new person anymore with the belief that they will be in my life for more than a few years at most. Most people I expect to be gone within a week or two. My walls are up so high that it's actually selfish that I even talk to people at all bc I only end up hurting them when I pull away for seemingly no reason at all. And I'm too much of a coward to tell them that there's nothing wrong with them, I just can't get that close to people anymore. Like it actually makes me physically sick to think of carrying on normal relationships with people which is SO fucked. But then I turn into the villain bc I'm worried that they'll develop the same fear of people and I'll be the cause of it. Like I'm a vampire. But I isolate myself and then get to a certain point where I think "I'll try again!! And this time will be different!! I'll really have someone new in my life!" And then I am super friendly and doing my best to be good and making plans and whatever. But then I start getting that sick feeling again, like what if what if they just haven't realized how much I suck and how disappointing I am yet, they'll definitely realize it soon and I come up with some random specific reason why they'd actually hate me if they knew "THIS" about me and I start detaching myself and then flake on plans and then disappear. And then spend weeks worrying myself sick that I permanently damaged their trust in people!!! But then I get lonely again and the pattern starts again!! All traced back to this moment in time where it actually hit me that people's affection for you can disappear in the blink of an eye no matter how much you thought they cared about you. So clearly love is conditional and just that thought alone is enough to make me want to end it all!!

So yea, just a shit day with shit cherries and cream on top.

And now it's 3am and I have to wake up in 5 hrs to do this again.

And all of this is still something no one will know if or until it comes spilling out and then my life will either be changed forever or over.

But yea, drew that lion the other day.

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