look the idea that the same skincare advice is gonna work for everybody is such bullshit cause washing my face daily is the worst fucking thing i could do for my skin (besides doing a full skincare routine). it’s not your fault that your skin doesn’t look like your insane clean girl fave’s. they probably just don’t have skin that’s acne-prone the same way that yours is and also they’re trying to sell you things

Wildfires - Atsumu x f!reader

Summary: You're burned from last year's rumours, now fearing any hint of smoke. Yet you can't help, but fall for the childhood friend who's a balm to your wounds.

Genres, tropes, etc: angst with a satisfying and happy ending, angst to fluff, hurt/ comfort, exs to lovers (but not the usual kind), secret dating, drama and romance, but it's still somehow cute because that's just how I write lol

Warnings: false rumours about cheating and an illicit relationship, so it still technically mentions those things.

Words: 1.9k

Author's Notes: Hi Lia (@chimielie)! I'm your ☀️ anon. 🥰 You suggested exs to lovers and hurt/comfort for this prompt and it still technically is those things, but it's probably not what you expected.

If anyone is new to my blog and doesn't want to read angst, here's a cute fluff Atsumu x reader instead. :)

This fic is for the Heatwave Fic Exchange (@heatwave2021). Thank you for hosting this!

~*~*~

"I hadn't realized you two were still together."

Not even the overworked fan's whirring can drown out the strained silence that follows.

"We're not."

The air is dry and sweat forms on your brow. With the sun beating down, it's the perfect combination for a wildfire.

Atsumu's chin sits on his fist as he avoids your gaze. Lowering your eyes, you stare at the wooden table.

"Did he still care?" you ask yourself.

~*~*~

Plaid skirts sway as two students peek into their new classroom, attempting to be discreet. You hear their whispers from a distance, waiting in front of your own classroom.

"Look! We get Kinjou-sensei this year!" one exclaims.

"Are you serious?" the other asks after letting out a gasp. "I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I might end up staring at his face all day."

"Maybe it'll help you pay attention," her friend snickers.

You clench your jaw as heat rises in your body. They're able to indulge in frivolous remarks, ignorant of how you're left scarred from one fleeting gesture, a tiny piece of kindling that ignited into uncontrollable flames.

Cool hands cover your ears from behind you. Your jaw relaxes and the tension dissipates from your shoulders. You turn around to see Atsumu wearing a scowl on his lips. Sighing as you cross your arms, you ask, "Atsumu, what are you doing?"

"Well if only there was a way to make 'em shut up," he replies with a sharp tone.

You lean away from him and swat his hands back. "You're too close," you tell him.

"Alright!" he says, holding his hands up in surrender. "I'll go!"

As he walks away, he crosses his thumb and index finger behind his back, forming a little heart. You smirk at his hidden gesture to you.

"I love you too, Atsumu," you silently tell him as a smile graces your lips. However, it vanishes like the mist in the sun when yet another person calls after him, someone he doesn't know.

You skirt around the other students, avoiding their path, and rush to your desk. There are too many dry leaves around; a single spark can burst everything into flames.

Why does everyone have to know Atsumu?

~*~*~

"I wish you could've been my partner for the project," you say.

Atsumu pours a glass of water and places it on the table in front of you. "You ended up with that new girl, right?" he mentions and you reply with a nod. "She should be safe to work with."

You're startled once again when you hear the chimes from the front door. A rattan room divider obstructs your view of it, but you hunch down anyway as you finally pick up your spoon.

Atsumu sits across from you, sharing something about his team. His eyes dim when he realizes you haven't been listening.

"This isn't working," he tells you. "I thought this restaurant would be better because people can't see us from here." He runs his fingers in his hair, a sign he's frustrated.

"I– I forgot people can still hear us," you say in a low voice.

Atsumu sighs. "Let's just watch a movie at my house," he says. "Osamu already knows anyway."

"You know we can't," you protest. "Not when Hana and Haku drop by so often. They're going to realize we're together."

"But how are we supposed to have any fun when you're so scared?"

"I–" You lower your gaze, eyes unfocused towards your untouched bowl of rice. "Sorry, Atsumu."

"It's not your fault," he reminds you yet again. This exchange has become all too familiar. "Maybe we should finally tell Hana and Haku what happened to you."

"And have them find out the guy in the rumours is their beloved brother?" You cross your arms over your chest and rub your hand on your sleeve. "I still want to be comfortable around them, Atsumu. Ignorance is bliss right?"

His mouth twists before a groan escapes from it. He slouches in his seat and stares at the food in front of you, which remains the way the waitress left it.

"Let's take the train to Tokyo next time," he mutters. "Nobody'll know us there."

Your eyes grow before looking up at Atsumu. "What?" you slowly enunciate just above a whisper. "Don't you know how expensive that is?"

He presses his lips together before sharing his next suggestion. "I know where 'Samu's secret stash of money is…"

You narrow your eyes at him. "No, we're not stealing from him to go on a date, Atsumu."

"Alright," he says, lowering his eyes and dropping his shoulders.

Seeing his expression, you offer another idea. "How about Osaka?" It's only one city away.

Atsumu's eyes light up, excited at the chance of finally getting to enjoy some time with you. Although your smile doesn't quite reach your eyes, you hope leaving the vicinity of last year's wildfires would be enough, for Atsumu's sake and yours.

~*~*~

Your heart beats faster and your throat becomes dry. You weren't getting enough air.

"You're okay," you tell yourself. "She's not talking about you."

"Seriously! That happened at my old school," your project partner snickers as she recounts her story to you. "They even got the kiss on camera too! I felt so bad for her, but it's her own fault for cheating on him."

You begin to feel dizzy, catching a whiff of smoke from another victim's fire. Her words add fuel to a fire that cannot be stopped. Wildfires burn and burn, and are never satisfied until they run out of kindling.

"Oh! I've been meaning to ask. Are you dating Atsumu? The two of you seem really close!"

Your throat struggles to take control, attempting to keep your stomach down; it doesn't want to burn either.

They'll say you're cheating on Kinjou-sensei.

The tongue is a powerful weapon, causing destruction by those who are both untrained and ignorant as well as the truly malicious.

Your knees buckle as you pant for air, your grip weak on the knob. You need to get out.

Atsumu's figure is before you and you relax as he catches you. You never would have imagined that this guy would be your fleeting oasis.

~*~*~

"Let's break up," you tell Atsumu.

You both knew this was coming, yet a bucket of icy water chilled to the bone regardless of whether or not it was expected. Speaking those words aloud shocked you back into reality.

You hesitated dating each other in the first place, but you couldn't help but caress his strong hands when he admitted his feelings for you. Growing up together in your group of five, he was by your side from snotty noses to acne breakouts.

You didn't expect to fall for the hot-head of your bunch when rumours of you dating Kinjou-sensei spread. Atsumu attempted to extinguish every flame he spotted, witnessing your anguish each time you got burned.

"Maybe we can still do this," you say, contradicting your previous words.

"And what? Have ya pass out again every time someone asks about us?" Atsumu protests. He lowers his eyes as he clutches your hand. "Do ya know how worried I was about ya?"

Your heart flutters for a moment before you remind yourself that you can't keep him, the boy who has been by your side for so long.

"Aghhhhh! This is so stupid!!! Why are we suffering because of this made up crap?! 'Kinjou-sensei' had put a bandaid on me a thousand times more than he did t' ya! But nobody gives a crap about that!"

"I'm sorry Atsumu."

"Why the heck are ya sorry?!" he says, raising his voice.

"I– If I was just strong enough... If I could withstand their stupid words"–your lip trembles–"maybe I wouldn't have to choose between you and having some peace."

There's another silence between the two of you. Your fingers are loosely intertwined together, barely holding the fragile string between the two of you, as if it were a wick that would combust and disappear in a split second.

"Maybe we should just run away," Atsumu mumbles aloud.

"What?"

"Ya know, transfer schools. Or even drop out if we need ta."

"Atsumu! You can't! We can't! You have volleyball! And I... this is the only school that gave me a scholarship."

"Agh! Why is this so frustrating?!"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, ya idiot! Ya did nothing wrong!" He presses and rubs his forehead with the heel of his palm. "I just… I wish I could do more for ya." His arm drops at his side. "I wish I didn't feel so useless."

Your tears drip down your face. Could they be counted any more? If only you didn't fear getting caught dating Atsumu, terrified that last year's fires would morph into a raging beast. But another wildfire would not only destroy you but also the man you loved. If only your sores healed by now, you could have shown off your boyfriend, disregarding any of the flames.

If only you were fireproof.

But you weren't and now you're forced to loosen your grip on Atsumu, the balm to your wounds, and let him fall out of your hands.

~*~*~

"I hadn't realized you two were still together."

Not even the overworked fan's whirring can drown out the strained silence that follows.

"We're not."

It was three years since you talked to Atsumu, four since rumours first raged through the school. The two of you went through cycles of getting back together and breaking up again every time you learned that fear was still crippling you. Cutting off contact was the less painful option.

Years later, you're at a friend's cottage and Atsumu comes along without knowing you're here as well. Now that high school has come and gone, the smoke has dissipated and the fires have finished their course. You can finally breathe.

But does Atsumu still want you?

To anyone else, Atsumu is bored out of his mind, resting his chin on his fist. Nobody sees his thumb and finger forming a tiny heart.

Your heart flutters and you blink back tears. You attempt to hold back your growing grin, but you have no reason to hide it anymore.

You wrap your arms around him, almost causing him to topple off of his chair, Atsumu letting out a yelp. "What the heck are ya doing?"

You can finally release your feelings for him, openly and freely. The dam opens and waters rush to engulf him before you settle into his embrace.

"I love you too Atsumu," you tell him without a care in the world.

Osamu tells you he changed when you cut off contact. He desired to be a man, not wanting to feel so powerless, and poured himself into things he could do. It paid off.

"Did ya want to go somewhere together? I could even take ya all the way t' Rome if ya want."

The two of you hold each others' hands as the ocean's edge cools your feet. You lean against his shoulder, cherishing the moment that at one point seemed like an inaccessible dream.

You give him a peck on the cheek and smile. "Tokyo seems like a nice place for a date for now."

~*~*~

I hope you enjoyed this fic. :) (And I hope you liked it Lia!!) I guess I can be poetic if I try. lol. I had a whole commentary written out for this fic, but I decided against posting it here and making my author's notes as long as the fic itself. 😂

If you enjoyed this fic, I don't really have any similar pieces of writing at the moment. The only one that's similar is the hurt/comfort Kunimi WIP I've put off writing for so long because I didn't think I could pull off this type of fic. (And also because I think only one person will read it.) The theme in that one is pity/pride because pitiful is Kunimi's most hated word.

Anyway, if you want to see my usual style of writing, I have a cute tooth-rotting fluff Atsumu x reader one-shot. I currently also have an ongoing fake dating chaptered Suna fic, which is probably my best planned fic with the hints and foreshadowing and a nice mix of humour, fluff and shoujo-type angst. :)

I also have a Google form for my taglist if anyone is interested.

random scouts hcs!

I did a post like this for the warriors my beloved (here) and people seemed to like it so here's one for the scouts :) had some input from @afrival for this one luv u

no warnings I think

eren

if he had twitter he would have a vaporwave bart simpson profile picture and tweet lil peep lyrics. also uses way too many hashtags

he's scared of snakes and hates armin's ball python

his eyes are probably crusty as hell and mikasa has to wipe em for him because he won't

when he's losing an argument he goes "ooh you wanna kiss me so bad" and it always escalates things but he doesn't stop

almost exclusively wears american eagle

"what's a pronoun".mp3

uses the 💯 emoji in every other text message he sends

armin

sends his friends pictures of cats cuddling/hanging out and says "me n you <3"

genuinely can't stand when people have dirt under their fingernails. he gets so mad at eren bc his nails are dirty asf and armin forces him to clean them

he calls himself sexy a lot (e.g. "that was really sexy of me")

chews on bottle caps then is like hmm why do my teeth hurt

he hates feet. toes look weird to him. nobody in his house is allowed to take their socks off

unironically uses faces like ^-^ and :3

acne :(

mikasa

she's really bad at giving advice. don't go to her for help she'll literally be like "that's tough"

probably has like 4 instagram accounts made just to follow eren

solid black profile picture and no bio

maybe now and then she'll put a my chemical romance quote on her story but that's about it, she doesn't respond to dms or anything

doesn't wash that damn scarf so it's probably stinky

sticks staples, pins, etc through the tips of her fingers for no reason other than she likes freaking people out

probably hisses at people

jean

the only possible relationship dynamic somebody can have with him is rivals to lovers

very short social fuse and has to stay home for several days after public events bc it's just exhausting

he's an introvert adopted by extroverts (connie and sasha) and has to deal with their shenanigans. truly the mom figure between the three of them

marco has to listen to him ranting about connie and sasha's foolery and doesn't have much advice to offer bc he doesn't know either

for a long time he only knew "straight" and "gay" and when he found out about the concept of bisexuality his mind almost imploded

he sighs and yawns a lot and doesn't even realize he does it. people always think he's either annoyed or tired

probably dresses like a diet e-boy. crewneck king

connie

the kind of kid in your high school gym class that wears mismatching neon clothes. bonus points if it's nike

also the most likely to start a food fight for funsies

he doesn't yell often because his voice cracks when he does and it's embarrassing

sasha and him hate cafeteria food so he always brings an ungodly amount of food in his backpack instead to share with sasha. connie's backpack is 90% food

unironically says things like "pogchamp" and "rad"

he works at zumiez and probably lives there. always rocking their latest drip

jumps up and slaps exit signs

sasha

randomly breaks into song (usually disney songs) and connie will automatically duet

manages to fall asleep in any situation. on buses, while watching movies, sometimes even mid conversation if she's zoned out enough

tried to take armin fishing one time but he almost cried because he felt so bad about it

at least reiner will fish with her though. the himbos always come through

her instagram is all pictures of fish she caught and now and then there's an awkward candid pic of niccolo

stayed overnight in a walmart one time and got away and brags about it but she won't admit it was an accident. panicked and spent the night eating snacks off the shelves to "survive"

while she's talking her voice slowly gets louder and louder and she doesn't realize it until people tell her to stop yelling

historia

pulls people by the ears to bring them down to her level

also kicks people in the shins a lot, if she's arguing with someone they'll usually keep their distance to avoid getting shin kicked

loves climbing on ymir's back and just being carried around like the little creature she is

posts inspirational quotes on her story

would definitely be a cheerleader in high school. nobody would guess a prep like her is dating some grunge girl w a pretty much opposite personality

she always has bandaids with her for some reason. if someone gets scraped she'll whip out a bandaid immediately. her friends call her "mom" sometimes

hates grilled cheese so god damn much. can't stand it

ymir

"damn I don't remember asking".mp3

is always the first one to comment on historia's instagram posts. her comments range from "beautiful my queen!!!" to "damn ma yo ass fat"

she always called reiner gay as a joke then he came out as gay and for a while she thought it was her fault

her and reiner have wlw and mlm solidarity, they're bffs for that matter

if someone tells her that her music is too loud she'll say "huh?" and turn it up

similarly if someone scolds her for something she'll go "hm? repeat that, I'm a little deaf in this ear"

"bro stfu you always tell me you're gonna fire me for being late"

levi

really really hates cooking pasta because straining the water is for some reason more difficult than it should be

"do not underestimate me, bitches"

always refuses to get his hair cut at places in shopping centers. especially walmart great clips

makes monkey noises when he sees something he likes. he started doing this as a joke to mock zeke but it evolved and now he can't stop doing it randomly

will not hesitate to knock someone on their ass if they're talking shit

coffee makes him jittery so he drinks tea instead but won't admit to anyone that he lowkey also has a redbull addiction

hange calls him a catboy but he doesn't know what that means so he's always like "yeah" bc he thinks it means he's a cat person

hange

buys levi shoes from the kids section and doesnt tell him bc he likes them anyway

such a millennial, they say shit like "doggo" and "adulting"

"for practical reasons I don't exist. do not perceive me"

probably wants to marry mothman

levi has had to scold them on several different occasions for bringing live animals into the house

legally isn't allowed to cook bc they can and they will blow something up

goes on tipsy rants almost nightly

erwin

white skechers king

hosts barbecues in those white skechers. he talks shit about people with nile and pyxis like a bunch of gossiping middle aged fath- wait

his profile pictures on social media are probably pictures of himself taken from awkward angles with an empty expression. it's always posted like six times as well

when levi is getting Out Of Hand he'll pick him up from under the arms and carry him away like "okay, that's enough" and levi kicks around but can't escape

rubs his hands together a lot like a fly. nobody knows why he does it. what are you scheming

falls asleep on couches while watching sports games

[swinging his keys around his finger] "let's rock and roll"

28 Kara is cute, one would say too cute to suffer. Not me. Maybe fic where he is feeling really sick, but being the quiet one he is forgotten for a while? Or something. Pls and thanks.

haha, nobody is EVER too cute to suffer here! including precious baby 18!Kara~ <3

I had fun with this, I hope you like it! c:

-

It’s pouring rain when the rest of the sextuplets come to walk Karamatsu home from the train station, and he doesn’t want to go out in it.

Today’s drama club meeting wasn’t a very good one. The teacher leading it got focused on the two lead actors for the play which the club is showing tomorrow night, because they were both fighting and at each other’s throats. Most of the others ignored Karamatsu in favor of being on their phones or reading magazines or running lines while the teacher was busy with the leads.

Finally, in a twist that puts the cherry on the horrible meeting sundae, despite the fact that he’s playing a small part, Karamatsu messed up his own lines every single time. The others were so irritated with him, he wished the floor would just swallow him up.

Usually he’s so good with acting. It’s something he’s passionate about and enjoys and takes pride in. Today… it’s not that he’s nervous about the production. It’s that he just feels awful.

He’s been tired since he woke up, he’s warm and clammy at the same time, his throat is scratchy, he keeps coughing and sneezing, and any part of his body that doesn’t have a specific complaint is simply achy. Mommy noticed that he wasn’t feeling well when she sent them all to school, but he begged her not to keep him home, and since he didn’t have a fever this morning, she let him go.

There’s… definitely a fever running through him now, though. He thought for sure his brothers would notice and maybe ask him if there was anything they could do; instead, he’s been behaving so normally as far as they’re concerned, with his quiet nature and tendency to cry over small things, that not a single one of them has picked up on it.

On top of everything else, he forgot his umbrella. It was supposed to be sunny today, so he had to walk from school to the train without one, and now when he gets out of the station, he has to go out into the rain with barely any protection.

Although he’s crying by the time he reaches his brothers, it blends in pretty well with the rain.

Thankfully, all his brothers are carrying umbrellas, so he huddles under Osomatsu’s and presses himself against his older brother’s side. Osomatsu immediately accommodates him, pulling Karamatsu in to get dry. “Hey, bro! Geez, you’re shaking like a leaf. Sorry you didn’t have your umbrella!” He chuckles and tousles Karamatsu’s hair. “That’s what you get for picking a nerd hobby that’s right after school so you don’t have time to go home and get anything.”

“Don’t listen to him, Kara ― your hobby is just fine,” Choromatsu hums. He’s busy trying to entertain Totty, who’s doing his damnedest to attach himself to Choromatsu’s hip. “Now, guys, it’s raining out here, so can we please go home and get some tea? If we stay out here much longer, we’re gonna catch colds, and I do not want to be sick for graduation.”

Jyushimatsu scoffs. “That’s still two weeks away. We’d be fine, dumbass.”

Choromatsu’s face turns bright red. “W-well, if you’re fine getting sick regardless, you can go jump in the puddles for all I care!”

A smile briefly flashes across the second youngest’s face. “Really??” And just like that, he’s back to looking constantly angry. “Naaah… that shit’s for babies!”

They all begin to walk, and Ichimatsu shakes his head. “Ah, Karamatsu-nii-san… some of my friends wanted to come see that play tomorrow. What time does it start, again?”

“U-uh.” Karamatsu sniffles a few times, nuzzling against Osomatsu’s shoulder. “7 P.M. for the first one. Then there’s another showing at… at 8:30. I… don’t know if I’m… going to go, though.”

“What??” Choromatsu frowns as the six of them stop for the crosswalk. “You’ve never had stage fright before. You’ll be fine once you get up on the stage.”

“I don’t know, Choro…”

“Oh, come on, Kara-nii-san. Don’t cry like that… you made a commitment! You don’t wanna let your club down, right?”

Karamatsu reaches up to try and wipe the tears away. Not only is it kind of ineffective because his rain-soaked bangs keep dripping down his face, his hand keeps brushing against parts of his acne as he tries, which is painful. “Y-yeah, but…”

Osomatsu gives his little brother a squeeze that he thinks is supposed to be reassuring. It’s a bit rough, though. “No ‘but’s unless you’re grabbing a girl’s butt, Kara! You got this! You’ve done this shit before and totally nailed it. You usually don’t have too many lines, anyway, so it’s not that bad, is it?”

God, he should have a little more backbone. He should be able to say things decisively and not just fall silent when his brothers push him like this. Actually, if he just managed to say outright that he’s sick, they wouldn’t even be saying anything like this stuff. Right now they just think it’s pre-curtain jitters, which happens, which they can usually shake him out of because they know he loves acting.

Funnily enough, even though he doesn’t have much of a spine himself, this crappy cold of his evidently thinks this is the perfect time to speak up. The congestion he’s been fighting blossoms into something insistent that he can’t ignore, and he quickly ducks his face down between his hands.

“― Hh’DSHH! Hah’DTchh! Hd’TCHHuu! Ahh’DTSCHhhoo!”

A volley of coughs rides on the tail end of the last sneeze, so much that he can barely get a breath in. Each one makes his all-over soreness sharpen for a second, unbearable pinpricks of pain across his whole body. The coughs make something in his chest crackle and it hurtsand suddenly he’d pulled into a protective hug.

Part of him wishes he could just pull away. The part of him that wants to lean into the contact wins out, allowing him to nestle into his older brother’s chest as he continues to cough.

“Shit, Karamatsu!” Osomatsu starts rubbing his little brother’s back in an attempt to help break up the fit. “The fuck, man? That sounds nasty. You coming down with something?”

Karamatsu can feel the others hovering closer, murmuring in concern among themselves. The coughs finally taper off and he scrubs at his eyes, no matter how much it hurts, even as more tears start to bubble up. “Y-yeah… I woke up sick…”

“What??” Choromatsu sounds almost like he’s been betrayed or something. “You should have stayed home! Ah… wait… wait, you walked all the way to the station from school in the rain when you already have a cold? That’s a great way to end up with a sinus infection or pneumonia! Shit, we gotta get you home…”

“Sorry…” Karamatsu manages to croak out, followed by more sniffles. Thanks to the cold air and the sneezing, his nose has started running again. “U-uh… does anyone have tissues…? I used all mine already…”

Ichimatsu starts to dig around in his pockets. “Yeah, I think I have some.”

As he hands over a small pack to his older brother, Osomatsu gives a protective squeeze. “Hey, Choro, don’t blame Karamatsu for all this. He should have said something, sure, but it’s not all on him here. We should have noticed something was up. Right? We’re his brothers.”

Karamatsu lets out a small whine of protest, pressing a tissue over his nose. It would have been nice for them to notice, but… it’s not like it’s their job. They don’t owe it to him to pay attention to him. “I-it’s not your fault…”

Before anyone else can say a word, Totty lets go of Choromatsu and darts over to circle his arms around Karamatsu’s waist. He’s sort of wedging himself between Karamatsu and Osomatsu, pretty clearly wanting to be with both of them. “Ah! We love you, Karamatsu-nii-chan!! We’ll take good care of you!”

“… Yeah,” Choromatsu chuckles. He reaches over to pat Karamatsu’s back. “I’m sorry we weren’t paying enough attention to notice you weren’t feeling well. But we’re gonna get you home and tucked into bed. And I’m sure Mom will call the drama club teacher to tell her you can’t perform tomorrow night.”

Jyushimatsu hums, and he appears to be trying very hard not to smile wide like he wants to do. “We’re probably all gonna catch it, right?”

Ichimatsu chuckles softly. “Yeah, that’s what usually happens.”

“So… we can go stomp in puddles, right? Since we’re gonna get sick anyway?”

“No, no, no,” Choromatsu immediately speaks up, “no stomping in puddles! We have to get Kara home!”

Of course, it’s too late. Jyushimatsu has run off ahead of them all, launching himself into every puddle he can find, his face switching between an irritated scowl and a borderline maniacal grin.

Totty’s still clinging to Karamatsu, snuggling against his shoulder. “We’ll all get to be sick together! That means we get to stay home from school for a couple days. We can sleep and watch movies and have a big cuddle puddle.”

Choromatsu sighs. “As long as we don’t miss the commencement ceremony, that’s okay. I guess the last few weeks of our senior year don’t matter too much with regard to schoolwork, anyway. Especially since we’re already adults.”

Another few coughs are muffled against Osomatsu’s chest, prompting everyone to give a brief stroke to Karamatsu’s back or hair. “Well, before we catch it,” Osomatsu says, “we’ve gotta get this geek home and throw his ass in bed. He’s really warm… feels like his skin’s gonna burn his clothes up. C’mon, Kara. We’ll get you wrapped up in a blanket, then maybe I can help Mom make some kayu to make you feel better.”

“Mm…” Well. That does sound pretty good. “… W-with umeboshi on top?”

“Yeah, sure! Whatever you want! And Choro can make some tea, Totty can pick out a movie, Ichi can get a cold cloth for your forehead, and Jyushi…” Osomatsu blinks and peers out where their fifth eldest is… way ahead of them. “What can Jyushi do?”

Choromatsu blows out a slow, frustrated breath. “… Stay out of the way??”

Totty giggles. “He can be the bodyguard! We’ll station him outside the room, and if any of Ichimatsu-nii-chan’s friends come by to try and take Ichimatsu-nii-chan away, Jyushi-nii-chan will scare them off!”

“Hey, yeah! That’s a good idea, Totty!”

“What? Why do you want to scare my friends away?”

“Because Karamatsu-nii-chan’s sick! They can’t drag you off somewhere when your big brother needs you! That’d be mean.”

“A-ah, hahahah… he’d be fine without me, but… I can just say no! We don’t need Jyushi to scare them away.”

“We miiiiiiight! At least, it would be funny!”

Karamatsu offers a tiny laugh, which quickly turns into another couple of coughs. He puts a weak arm around Totty and wonders how he’s going to keep his eyes open for the rest of the walk home. He thinks they’re not too far away, though.

“Thanks, guys… this… this might not be such a bad day after all…”

Ashes to Ashes Jasper X Reader Part 5

It took four days. Four day for the venom to take over. Four days of absolute anguish for the Cullen family. But when you did wake up, it was so much worse than they imagined. You didn’t panic at first. They weren’t expecting denial, or a sense of calm. You jolted awake and immediately sat up. You look around and notice that you are no longer in the kitchen where you remembered fainting. Rosalie is the first speak to you in your confusion.

“(y/n) you’re awake. Thank god, I’m so sorry this happened.”

“What? Rosalie it’s not your fault I fainted. I was probably just dehydrated. I forget to drink water sometimes. I’m sorry I scared you, but really I’m fine. How long was I out? A few minutes?”

“Four days.”

“What? No. If I was in a coma Carlisle would have taken me to the hospital.”

“Oh no.”

“Rosalie what’s wrong?”

“Carlisle!”

“Why are you calling him?” Carlisle and the rest of the family come upstairs to see you.

“She’s awake! Oh, thank god.”

“She doesn’t know.”

“What? What don’t I know?” Carlisle looks at you with guilt in his eyes.

“ (y/n) something happened.”

“Yeah I know I didn’t drink enough water I over-heated and I fainted. It happens all the time. You know this. Carlisle I’m fine just thirsty. See?”

You grab the water bottle you keep on your bedside table and try to drink it, but you move a little too fast and know over the lamp. “Sorry. I’m a little clumsy when I’ve been unconscious for a few minutes.” You take a sip of the water, but the second you try to swallow it you throw it right back up. Violently coughing on the liquid as it makes its way back up your throat. “Okay maybe I am a little sick. That’s weird.” Rosalie leans over to your desk and grabs a mirror.

“(y/n) I’m going to show you something, but I need you stay calm okay?”

“Rosie what is going on?”

She held up the mirror and you saw yourself, but it wasn’t you. Your skin was much paler than usual, and all signs of your usual acne were gone. You looked like you had died, but then you saw your eyes. Red eyes staring back at you instead of (e/c) ones, and you lost it. Your scream frightens even Emmet.

“CARLISLE!”

“Why does everyone always yell at me?”

“Carlisle my eyes are red! I look like a damn ghost, something is wrong! You’re a doctor fix me!”

“(y/n) I can’t fix this”

“WHY NOT?”

Jasper was behind the others in the doorway. He could feel the fear coming off of her in waves.

The others were obviously not prepared for this conversation. He thought about joining in, but Edward gave him a look and he decided to let the others try first. Edward decides to try calming her down.

“Okay (y/n) I need you to calm down. You want Carlisle to fix the problem right? To do that he has to diagnose it, so what are your symptoms?”

“I…I fainted in the kitchen and then apparently I slept for four days. I feel dehydrated and hungry, but I can’t even swallow water. And my eyes are red. And everything is so loud, and bright. This feels like a bad hangover, but worse.”

“Okay. Now tell me where have you heard those symptoms before? Red eyes, thirst, aversion to light…”

“Edward you aren’t making any sense. That sounds like a…” You look up at Carlisle wide eyed and trembling. You shake your head furiously “No…Don’t say it”

“Yes.”

“I’m a vampire? No! no that’s not possible. Vampires aren’t real. They’re horror stories you tell children, so they won’t sneak out after dark, they don’t exist.”

“They do. We are a family of them.”

“But nobody bit me.”

“You are correct nobody bit you, because we never had any intention of turning you, but you don’t actually need to be bitten you just have to get venom in your bloodstream, and it will take over from there.”

“So, if none of you bit me then how did I end up with venom in my blood?”

“You remember that necklace Jane gave you?”

“Yeah, I broke it. It was so fragile I didn’t realize, I cut my hand on it trying to pick it back up and that’s when…I fainted. NO. You can’t be telling me I turned because I cut my hand on glass that had Venom on it. You can’t!”

“I do believe that’s what happened yes.” You sat there in bed for a few moments in silence.

“I don’t believe you. I’m going for a walk.” You stand up to cross the room but you’re down the stairs before you can blink, with the rest of the family right behind you. “What was that?”

“That was a small demonstration of the speed you now possess.”

Jasper could feel the fear rise up again as the realization of what had happened finally hit you.

“So, you’re all vampires? That’s what you’ve been hiding from me? That’s what all this was about you didn’t want me to know?” Edward answers you

“Yes (y/n), you have to understand, we never wanted you to turn, and we aren’t allowed to tell humans about us unless we intend to turn them.”

“So, what you just thought I was never going to figure it out? You thought I’d grow old get a husband and some kids and never noticed my family wasn’t ageing?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then what was the plan? If you weren’t going to turn me exactly how did you think I was never going to catch on?”

“You were going to college”

“So what? You think I wouldn’t visit?” You look around at Your family as they look down with guilty expressions on their faces. Your eyes widen once more in realization “I was never going to get to visit was I? You were planning to never see me again after I left. You were planning to abandon me?” Jasper was concerned now. In the past few months he’d seen you feel a lot of emotions, fear, joy, sadness, but not this. This was pure Rage.

Carlisle tries to defend himself.

“It’s not like that”

“Yes it is Carlisle. You were going to abandon me like everyone else does. Fine then, I’ll just go.”

Alice finally returning from her trip had picked a very bad moment to walk through the door.

“Guys I’m ba-oh my god, (y/n) what happened?”

“Don’t worry about it. I was just leaving.”

You ran. You ran into the woods, and climbed cliff sides as fast as you could. You knew they’d send somebody after you but at that moment you didn’t care. If they were just going to leave you then you might as well save them the trouble. Alice turned to Jasper in shock.

“I didn’t do it.”

Rosalie jumped to his defense for once.

“He didn’t. The Volturi did. Sneaky little bastards.”

“What happened? I was gone for a week and I come back to this? This was not the vision!”

“Yes, it was Alice. You just didn’t realize it.”

“Well someone has to go get her before she hurts someone!”

Carlisle spoke up “I’ll go get her. This is my fault anyway.”

Jasper had enough, “No I think you’ve done enough.”

While they were arguing they failed to realize that Emmet was already gone. He was barely behind you for miles.

“(y/n) please just stop for a minute and talk to me. It’s me. Emmet, Your big brother.” You stopped and turned around

“You lied to me. You were going to leave me.”

“No (y/n) we hadn’t thought this through. You remember how you came to us in the first place right? We got into this situation and put our own lives on the line to help you because we couldn’t just leave you. I know you’re starving, and you’re scared but please just come home.”

You were about to listen to him when a man walked by. It happened so fast you barely had time to register what you were doing before you draining the poor man. The hunger was too much, but once it subsided you were left cowering on the ground with the corpse of an innocent and your hands covered in blood. Emmet tried to pull you off of him, but you sent him flying backwards into a nearby tree. Carlisle Caught up to you and looked down at you in disappointment, and pity.

“(y/n) it’s okay.”

“NO THIS IS NOT OKAY!”

“Do you understand now? Do you understand what you are?”

“I’M A MONSTER”

“No. You are not a monster. You are new to this. It’s going to be okay. Please just come home we can help you.”

Emmet joins Carlisle and reaches his hand out to you. You reach to take it but hesitate and pull back. You look down and shake your head.

“I can’t-“

“You can. I did. We all did. Even jasper did. You wanna know why he acted like he did? It’s because he is new to our lifestyle. We don’t feed on humans we survive on animal blood alone. Jasper is new to that. You were a constant test for him. That is why he was so cold around you. He did it. So, can you.”

You look up at the mention of his name. You pause a moment to think.

“Okay.” You grab Emmet’s hand and the three of you rush back to the house.

The second you enter the house the whole family is staring at you. Rosalie and Alice help you clean up and get some new clothes on. Burning the bloodied ones in the process. You wait until midnight to go to Jasper’s room. You knock on the door

“Come in” shut the door behind you and lean against it.

“I need to talk to you. Somewhere the others can’t hear.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

The two of you leave through the window in his bedroom and run off into the forest. You follow him until he climbs up to the top of a tree in the center of the forest. He sits at the top leaning on one branch and you sit on another branch across from him.

“What do you need to talk about?”

“Carlisle said something when I ran off…He said that you were also new to their lifestyle and that the only reason you were cold to me was because you had to try really hard to not kill me.”

“That was part of it”

“If you were afraid to hurt me, why did you pick me up from that gas station?”

“Because you were scared, and I knew I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“How did you know that though?”

“Because I never wanted you to be one of us. You were bright, and happy. You embodied the opposite to everything we are.”

“But you didn’t have to turn me. You could have just killed me.”

“I wouldn’t do that. I don’t think I could if I wanted to.”

“But Carlisle said-“

“Carlisle is wrong. Why did you ask me all the way out here for this?”

“I didn’t. There’s something else I need to ask you.”

“Ask.”

“You never lied to me right?”

“Of course not.”

“Good. Don’t start now. How hard is it?” Jasper looks at you with a sadness in his eyes, while he thinks for a second about how to answer that. Finally, he leans forward and looks you In the eyes.

“It hurts like hell. It’s agonizing. You want human blood so much you’ll go through a hundred lions and it won’t be enough to satiate you. You’ll want to give up and run away, but don’t. Because once the withdrawals subside it gets easier. It gets better.”

“one more question.”

“shoot”

“Will I be okay?”

“Yes.” You lean over to his side of the treetop and he envelops you in his arms. You both stay there for a bit. Sometimes people just need a hug, at midnight.

“Okay. Let’s go home. And don’t tell anyone about this.”

“My lips are sealed.” You looked jasper in the eyes, those golden eyes, and smile. The two of you sneak back in through the same window and Jasper distracts the others while you sneak up to your room. You lay down, knowing you won’t be sleeping again, but as you look up at your ceiling you feel like everything is going to be alright.

Perfection

Dad!Tony

Word Count: 1,582

Request by: @shady80smusicsingercolor

Summary: A lesson on perfection.

A/N: Sorry that’s it’s been a while guys! Even with being less busy I’ve had a lot going on and a lot less motivation to write. Sorry also that this request took so long for me to fill.

Perfection. Noun. The quality or state of being perfect such as freedom from fault or defect, i.e., flawlessness. An unsurpassable degree of excellence.

It is what you were meant to be. What was expected of you. You had to do everything to perfection. You had to be perfection personified, otherwise what was the point?

Except you were far from it. You were only human after all.

‘Y/N Stark’s transcript released, heir to Stark industry only has a 3.0 GPA’

‘Tony Stark’s daughter caught arguing with paparazzi’

‘Y/N Stark’s skincare routine for dealing with severe acne’

They went on and on. Every possible flaw they could find would be picked on. Even when you strived for the top, for perfection. So why was it that even when you pulled your grades up, even when you weren’t actually arguing with the pap, and you bought the best makeup to hide any blemishes on your skin, they still picked at you.

It hurt. Why didn’t they understand you were a 16 year old girl who just wanted to live her life and not be criticized 24/7.

What used to be a problem you could ignore seemed only to grow. It was gradually becoming a cesspool in your mind of negativity.

Tears made their way down your cheeks one afternoon. It was a big fear of yours, dating. But this one guy who you really liked had asked you out. You thought everything was great. But that afternoon he broke up with you. It hurt, he was only the second guy you’d ever given a chance and yet he took your heart and smashed it.

He said it was because he didn’t like the speculations in the tabloids about you, that all your negative traits they talked about seemed true and he didn’t want to be with someone so in the spotlight.

It broke your heart so much that even though you had 3 classes left in the day you lied to the school staff saying you were feeling ill and they called Happy to take you home.

You held yourself together long enough to make it to your room at the compound before you broke down.

But just your luck you only had about 5 minutes of peace before there was a knock on your door.

You held your breath to keep from sobbing again. You didn’t want to talk to anyone and you knew that no member of the team would stop from entering if they thought something was wrong.

“Y/N?” Steve called, knocking softly again.

You didn’t answer him.

He sighed behind the door, he knew you were crying, he could blame his perfect superhuman hearing, but he knew he’d be able to hear you no matter because you were just across the hall from him.

“I’m coming in,” he warned, opening your door.

You buried yourself deeper into your pillows. “I’m fine Uncle Steve, I just want to be alone.”

“You don’t seem fine, sweetheart,” He argued. “What’s going on?” There was a dip in your bed beside you, and a hand stroked through your hair.

The gentle touch brought another sob out of you. “Why-why am I like this Uncle Steve?”

Steve’s frown deepened. “What do you mean?”

You sniffled and pulled your head up to look at him. “Why do I have to be like this? S-so imperfect.”

“Nobody’s perfect, doll. What’s got you so worked up about something like that?”

Sobbing you continued to hide in your pillow. You shook your head in response.

“Y/N, listen, I want to help you but I can’t do that if you can’t tell me what’s wrong.”

You were quiet for a while, in that time you managed to calm some. At least enough to pull your face away from the wet pillow.

Steve stroked your hair the whole time, hoping the contact would help relieve some of your stress.

“I wish I was someone else,” you whispered. “I wish dad never kept me, so I could just be normal. Why-why does everyone expect me to be perfect? Why do they make it hurt so much?”

“Hey,” Steve stated. “You don’t mean that. Your dad loves you. No family is normal. No one is perfect, like I said. You might be different because of who you are but don’t see that as a downfall. You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be you and anyone that tells you otherwise is wrong.”

You shook your head and pressed your face back into your pillow. “You don’t get it Uncle Steve… you don’t have to worry about how-how your skin looks, or what other teens think about you, or how smart you aren’t just because your dad is a genius- I-I hate my life, it’s not fair. Everyone thinks I have the world because of who I am but no one ever stops to think about how I feel about what they say about me.”

“You can’t let others control how you feel, doll. Do you think your dad would be so successful if he cared about everything every person that doesn’t have any impact on him said?”

“I’m not my dad!” You shouted, wincing because you hadn’t really expected it to come out that way. A soft whimper left you and you curled more in on yourself.

Sighing, Steve leaned down and kissed your head. “No, you aren’t. I just meant that you shouldn’t care for anyone else's opinions of you except for those that matter.”

You thought over his words and while you knew he was right, it still didn’t take away your pain. It did help you feel like you mattered to anyone as anything other than what your imperfections showed.

An alarm going off on Steve’s phone had you pulling your head up slightly.

He shut it off with another sigh. “I might need to go, sweetheart. But I can stay if you need me to.”

You shook your head. “I really just want to be alone, Uncle Steve…”

Nodding, he offered you one last kiss to your head before making his way to the lab.

He divulged everything to Tony, who quickly made his way to you.

He didn’t bother knocking, he just opened your door and walked in. “Sunshine, what’s going on? Your uncle betrayed you and told me you were upset.” He laid down beside you, and started to try to remove the pillow from your grasp.

The second the door opened you whimpered and clutched your pillow tight. You knew you shouldn’t have told him. Of course he’d send your dad. You ignored him and favored clutching your pillow to keep him from taking it.

“Fine, keep the pillow. But you still need to talk to me. What’s got you so down?”

You mumbled into the pillow.

“Huh? Was that-, was that my baby girl trying to talk to me? I couldn’t hear her past that pillow over her mouth.”

Whining you pulled the pillow away. “Nothing’s wrong, dad. Go away, I just wanna be alone.”

“Nope, not gonna work. Tell me, why do you think there's something wrong with you? There’s not by the way but I want to know why you think there is.”

You sighed, your eyes stung with tears again. “Tommy br-broke up with me because of the stuff the tabloids have-have been saying about me… I-I don’t care that he broke up with me… it’s-it’s the why. I know I’m not perfect… but why do they have to pick at that? Why do they have to remind me that I’m not a genius, I have bad skin, I’m not pretty, I don’t have any talents, I don’t dress right, I give the pap attitude-“

“Whoa there, sunshine!” Your dad cut you off. “None of those things make someone perfect. You are perfect. Want to know what makes you perfect?”

“You’re my dad, of course you think I’m perfect.”

He chuckled. “Well, no duh. But that’s not what it is. You’re perfect how you are because it is who you are. It’s all the good you do for the world and others. It’s how you love. It’s how you try so hard at everything you do because you want it to be perfect. But just because stuff isn’t perfect, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Want to know something?”

“Hm?” You mumbled.

“The pap plucks out people's flaws and insecurities to show all the jealous people in the world that just like them they’re their own person. And to make them jealous because I guarantee you the majority of the people out there don’t believe the tabloids anyway. And you shouldn’t either, sweetie.”

“But-“

“No, no buts. Listen, I love you. The only opinions from others that you should care about are the people that you care about. If you care about every last opinion of every person, well you’ll never feel good. You should only care about the ones that really matter. Got it?”

You sniffled. You both knew it wasn’t a complete fix, but you nodded your head, knowing that your dad was pretty right. If you cared about every last person’s opinion of you, of course you’d never be happy. But you already knew that the people that you cared about the most and the ones who felt that way about you, well, those were good. Those were the ones that made you who you are. Perfect or not.

Tags: Wanna be tagged just ask!

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chapter one—at least once more

read Child of Land and Sea here

Act I — Storm At Sea

Part I — You are my world, my darling. What a wonderful world I see.

It was not my fault, she repeated all the way home.

Andy couldn't understand how yet again she had gotten herself expelled. For fifteen years she had managed to jump from school to school—nobody ever seemed to think she deserved a second chance. And maybe she didn't.

Whatever they might say about her, one thing Andy was sure of: It had not been her fault!

Yancy Academy; the simple thought made her want to barf. She hated the place and everyone in it. Well, except for Grover, the scrawny boy who cried whenever he got frustrated. He had bad acne, a wispy beard on his chin, and on top of all that, was crippled. Some sort of muscular disease in his legs that made him walk funny, like every step hurt. But she adored him anyway, he'd been the best friend she'd ever had.

Oh, and there was Mr. Brunner, of course. He'd been a good Latin teacher. But he pressed Andy unlike any other, ignoring the fact that her bad ADHD made her brain misinterpret things. It was hard to keep up, and he accepted nothing but the best from her. Like she could do any better than a C-.

Andy scolded herself and tried to focus. It was hot inside the bus. She was sweating like mad. The New Yorkers were busy with their own little lives. Andy sat back and remembered who's fault it had been.

Mrs. Dodds.

The math teacher—who looked like a fragile little granny—had decided to hate on Andy since her first day. She seemed sweet enough, but her death stare could scare the bravest of men. How she loved looking at Andy with hatred, as if she was trying to pulverize the girl with her eyes. Andy always knew the old lady was evil; she just had no idea how right she was about it.

Problem was nobody believed her that the woman turned into a shriveled hag with bat wings and claws and a mouth full of yellow fangs. Nobody believed her that the monster was about to slice Andy to ribbons. Nobody believed when Andy swore that at the last moment, when she thought her math teacher was going to murder her, Mr. Brunner arrived and threw her a ballpoint pen that turned into a sword at her touch.

But Andy remembered it all too well.

Mrs. Dodds spun towards her with a vicious look in her eyes. Andy's knees were like jelly. Her hands were shaking so violently she had trouble raising the sword. Mrs. Dodds flew straight at her and Andy did what she had to do, what little she could do. When the metal blade hit Mrs. Dodds' shoulder it passed clean through her body as if she were made of water. She exploded into yellow powder, vaporized on the stop, leaving nothing behind. Andy was left alone. Nobody was there but her. Her and the ballpoint pen in her shaky hands.

After that they all had tried to convince her with lies. They kept saying, over and over, that she had imagined the whole thing, after all, there had never been a Mrs. Dodds at Yancy Academy! Andy almost believed them. Almost. But Grover couldn't lie to her. Whenever she asked, he would tell her there was no Mrs. Dodds, but he always hesitated first. She knew him all too well.

Then she heard a queer conversation between Grover and Mr. Brunner.

"... a Kindly One in the school!" Grover had said. "Now that we know for sure, and they know too—"

"We would only make matters worse by rushing her," Mr. Brunner had replied. "We need her to mature more."

"But she may not have time. The summer solstice deadline—"

"Will have to be resolved without her, Grover. Let her enjoy her ignorance while she still can."

"Sir, she saw the..."

"Her imagination," Brunner insisted. "The Mist over the students and staff will be enough to convince her of that."

"Sir, I... I cannot fail in my duties again," Grover's voice was choked with emotion. "You know what that would mean."

"You haven't failed, Grover," Mr. Brunner said kindly. "I should have seen her for what she was. Now let's just worry about keeping Andy alive until next fall—"

A shiver went up Andy's spine and she returned to the present. She shouldn't dwell on these things, but she couldn't seem to focus on anything else.

The bus stopped at a red light and she glanced out the window. There was an old fashioned fruit stand in the street, with good looking cherries and apples, walnuts and apricots. But there were no customers, just three old ladies sitting in rocking chairs in the shade of a maple tree, knitting the biggest pair of socks Andy had ever seen. The lady on the right knitted one of them while the lady on the left knitted the other. And the lady in the middle held an enormous basket of blue yarn. They all looked so ancient and bizarre Andy was surprised they could still function out in the world.

Suddenly, the three of them glanced over at Andy at the same time.

Her heart raced. They were definitely looking at her. The old lady in the middle took out a huge pair of scissors and cut the yarn dramatically, still watching Andy who didn't understand what was happening but thought everything seemed strangely significant. She wanted to go out there and ask the ladies what that meant, but the light chose that moment to turn green.

The bus drove far and soon Andy could no longer see the three old ladies.

Andy walked into her mother's little apartment hoping she would be home. Instead, Smelly Gabe was in the living room playing poker with his "buddies". Without hardly looking up, he said, "So you're home."

"Where's my mom?"

"Working. You got any cash?"

Andy couldn't help showing her disgust. Not only did he smell pretty bad, but everything about him was repugnant. He had about three hairs on his head, all combed over his bald scalp as if that made him handsome or something. She almost barfed all over him.

"I don't have any cash."

He raised an eyebrow. "You took a taxi from the bus station," he said. "Probably paid with a twenty. Got six, seven bucks in change. A girl expects to live under this roof, she ought to carry her own weight. Am I right, Eddie?"

One of the man watched Andy with sympathy. "Come on, Gabe," he said. "The girl just got here."

"Am I right?" insisted Gabe.

"Whatever," Andy dug some dollars out of her pocket and threw at her stepdad. "I hope you lose." And she rushed out of there into her so called room that now was mostly Gabe's storage. "Home sweet home," she whispered sitting on the bed. Gabe's smell was almost worst than the nightmares about Mrs. Dodds.

Andy sat there without moving for a long time, until the door opened and her mom called softly, "Andy?" Immediately, Andy felt good. That was the effect her mother had on her. It was like she only saw the good things about Andy, none of the bad. "Oh, Andy!" She hugged her tightly. "I can't believe it." Sally sat beside her on the bed and proceeded to tell her how much she had missed Andy. Sally wanted to know everything about everything, that was how much she cared. But before they were done, Gabe called from the living room.

"Oi, Sally—How about some bean dip, huh?"

Andy gritted her teeth. Sally pursed her lips. "I have a surprise for you," she said. "We're going to the beach."

Andy's eyes widened. "Montauk?"

"Three nights. Same cabin."

"When?"

She smiled. "As soon as I get changed."

Then Gabe appeared in the doorway. "Bean dip, Sally? Didn't you hear me?"

Andy wanted to punch him, but Sally said, "I was on my way, honey. We're just talking about the trip."

Gabe's eyes got small. "The trip? You mean you were serious about that?"

"I knew it," muttered Andy. "He won't let us go."

"Of course he will," her mom said evenly. "Your stepfather is just worried about money. But Gabriel won't have to settle for bean dip. I'll make him enough seven layer dip for the whole weekend."

Gabe softened a bit. "Maybe if you hurry with that..." he said. "And if the kid apologize for interrupting my poker game."

"Maybe if I kick you in your soft spot and make you sing soprano for a week—"

"Andy!" warned Sally.

"What? Why do you put up with this guy?"

"See how she is with me?" complained Gabe.

Sally glanced at her daughter; they locked eyes for a minute. Andy sighed. "I am so very sorry I interrupted your incredibly important poker game. Please go back to it right now."

Gabe's eyes narrowed. His tiny brain was probably trying to detect sarcasm in the statement.

Unable to, he turned his back and left.

The cabin was on the south shore way out at the tip of Long Island. Andy loved the place more than anywhere else. Her mother had been going there since before Andy was born, there was where she had met her father, whoever he was. Sally never talked about him. But now, as they sat together on the porch watching the waves, it seemed impossible for Andy not to try at least once more.

Her mom's eyes went all misty.

"Please," Andy urged. "Just talk to me. Say anything."

"He was kind," Sally shrugged, but didn't stop there. "Tall. Handsome. Powerful. But gentle, too. You look a lot like him," she added and Andy smiled. "I wish he could see you. He'd be so proud."

The smile vanished from Andy's face. "Why? What's so great about a dyslexic, hyperactive fifteen year old with a D+ report card, kicked out of school for the ninth time in nine years?" Surprised, she felt the tears streaming down her face. Weird. She didn't know she had that grudge inside her.

Sally opened her mouth ready to argue, but Andy wasn't interested in that. "How old was I?" she asked, suddenly. "When he left?"

"He was only with me for a summer. He didn't even meet you."

Andy felt a sudden rush of anger. She felt resentment for a man she never knew. He'd left them and now they were stuck with Smelly Gabe. "And you're going to send me away again?" she asked. "To another boarding school?"

"I don't know, honey," whispered Sally, her voice heavy. "I'll have to see about it."

"Because you don't want me around?" Andy said and a stupid sob followed. She couldn't control it. She missed her mother so much.

Sally came closer and embraced her child in her arms. "Oh, Andy, no. I—I have to, honey. For your own good. I have to send you away."

"Because I'm not normal?"

"You say that as if it's a bad thing... You don't realize how important you are. I thought Yancy would be far enough away. I thought it would be safe."

"Safe from what?" Andy asked, exasperated.

"I've tried to keep you as close to me as I could," her mom said. "They told me it was a mistake. But there is only one other option, Andy—the place your father wanted to send you. And I just... I just can't stand to do it."

"What? The guy never even met me but wanted me to go to a special school?"

"Not a school. A summer camp." Andy felt her head spinning. "I'm sorry, honey. But I can't really talk about it. I couldn't send you to that place. It might mean saying goodbye to you for good."

"But... if it's only a summer camp..."

Suddenly started to rain. Typical movie rain, out of nowhere and bringing the world down with it. There was this weird noise approaching. Andy lifted her head and saw a figure in the night, coming towards them. She got to her feet. Sally did the same.

When the figure got close enough, Andy exclaimed, "Grover?"

But it wasn't him exactly.

"Searching all night," he gasped. "What were you thinking?"

Sally looked at Andy in terror. "Andy," she said, "what happened at school? What didn't you tell me?" But Andy was frozen eyeing Grover, not comprehending what she was seeing.

"Oh, it is right behind me," he yelled. "You should've told her!"

"Doesn't matter," Sally decided with authority. "Both of you, in the car, NOW!"

Grover ran for the Camaro—but he wasn't running exactly. He was trotting because where his feet should be, there were no feet. There were cloven hooves.

Guess What? I’m Not a Robot Ch14

Summary: The meeting continues, we learn about the members of this new group and Megan and Paul have an argument

Chapter Warnings: allusions to suicide, anxiety

Word Count: 2,584

08.20PM Tuesday 2nd November 2038

Not everyone was in, a few left, and Alex let them leave. Soon they were left with a grand total of six people, Alex and Megan included.

“Okay,” Alex checked their phone. “We’ve still got the hall for a while and I want to talk more about deviants next time, so, let’s introduce ourselves and our history with androids. You all know me, so Lucas, why don’t you start?”

Lucas turned out to be the guy with shoulder length black hair, and he let out a small groan, knowing that everyone hated these.

“Alright, I’m Lucas and I’m a History major. I grew up in California and watched the numbers of androids increase. We have one at home and I was fairly indifferent until I saw a gang kick the shit out of one. I didn’t get involved and it’s probably a good thing that I didn’t. I’m hardly a mountain of muscle, but I still regret it.”

Lucas fell silent and nodded, signalling he was done.

The rainbow dressed girl was next, and now Megan noticed that under her rainbow beanie poked out blue, yellow and pink strands of hair.

“Hi, I’m Ivy and I’m gay as fuck,” there was a small amount of laughter at the frank statement, successfully lightening the mood. “I’m from Chicago and mom swears an android ruined her marriage. Really it’s my dad’s fault for hiring one to have sex with, and I’m all for androids not having to put up with that shit.”

Megan was next, and she found herself staring at the floor again, specifically the part of the stage where Alex’s feet were dangling. She could imagine she was just talking to Alex.

“Hey, I’m Megan, History major,” she nodded to Lucas without looking at him, “I’m from a small town in Minnesota, only really got androids a few years ago and I’ve never really been comfortable with the idea. I was given an android by my elderly neighbours over a week ago and I’d be more than happy for him to able to live his own life and not have to put up with me.”

It wasn’t the whole truth. She didn’t really want Paul to leave now, but she didn’t want to force him to stay. She wanted him to be her friend, and friends didn’t force each other to stay.

Alex nodded, some things clicking together in the back of their mind. “Thank you Megan, Oscar?”

The footballer shifted in his seat. “Well, you’ve heard my name, I’m from Phoenix, and I’ve got a couple of stories. I’m kinda pissed about the idea of androids replacing footballers, and how far that could go, although, if androids could push themselves beyond their programming in sport, that would be pretty cool to see,” Oscar then swallowed. “I saw a similar thing to Lucas, except it was my own team beating the shit out of the other team’s android, and I don’t care what you’re made of, that’s not on.”

Megan got the feeling that there was more to the story, but Oscar wasn’t going to elaborate.

Finally was a gangly freshman, who looked like they still going through puberty. Poor boy still had acne. He also looked vaguely familiar to Megan, from the Ace/Aro society maybe?

“I’m Nathan,” he stated, accent clearly British. “I’m an international student studying Music. We don’t have humanoid androids in Europe, and I appreciate that’s a misnomer. You Americans are weird, why make them look human if you don’t treat them like they are?”

“Hear hear!” Alex agreed. “Well, you all know me, I’m Alex. I’m from right here in Detroit and grew up with the advent of androids. We’ve had one at home for years and I didn’t think of it as odd. Then my parents didn’t let me take an android with me to college and I had to learn to all these chores by myself. I think the idea was to ‘not take things for granted’ and it worked. So, that and talking with Julia, the Detroit Police Captain’s niece, gave me the idea to start this up.”

“Great, so are we done with the ice breakers?” Lucas asked. “Because nobody likes those.”

“I like them,” Alex defended, “but yeah, not everyone does, I get it.”

The group sat in awkward silence, broken by Oscar.

“You’ve said your plan, we’ve introduced ourselves. Now what?”

“Well,” Alex rubbed the back of their neck. “I had wanted to talk more about deviants, but Julia couldn’t get here tonight so that’ll have to be next time.”

“In the meantime,” Ivy adjusted their many wristbands, “We can brainstorm ideas to get new members.”

Alex nodded, “Obviously we want people we trust, people who are going to be on our side.”

“I can talk to some people at home,” offered Nathan. “See if we can build up some international pressure.”

“Good idea, maybe wait until we get info on deviants, but yeah, start poking feelers out. Anyone else?” Alex’s eyes were starting to shine with enthusiasm.

“Er, I guess I can ask around the sport teams, see what they think,” Oscar offered. “I’m not good at subtlety.”

“You can say you’re asking for a friend’s assignment,” Ivy suggested. “I know a few people who might agree with us, see if I can get them to come.”

“Yes, yes!” Alex was practically clapping their hands in glee.

“I can also think of a few people on my course,” Lucas fiddled with his hair. “And my little sister, who’s still in high school.”

Megan looked around at everyone, all of them having a plan of how to expand this idea and get more people, and she had nothing. She had no social life, online or IRL. Her family probably wouldn’t agree. Paul...

Her eyes widened. The next time they were going to meet was when they had this Julia here, someone who knows about deviants. What better to add to that than an actual deviant?!

Alex noticed Megan’s epiphany. “Got an idea there Megan?”

Startled Megan looked up to see everyone looking at her expectantly. “Um. W-well, I-I could get, a friend, to come. If he agrees, he might be able to help m-more than me.”

Alex’s smile didn’t diminish. “Great! Can’t wait to meet him!”

“Okay,” Ivy clapped her hands. “We have a plan, some homework. Now what? We go for drinks?”

Megan panicked initially, but Alex quickly cut in.

“Most of us are under the drinking age Ivy,” Alex sounded like they had to remind Ivy of this a lot.

“I’m not really one for it anyway,” Oscar admitted. “Don’t like the taste.”

“Alright, so, we part ways here?” Ivy asked.

“Some of us have work to do,” Lucas intoned, standing up. “Do you know when we’ll meet again?”

“I have all of your phone numbers, I’ll let you know,” Alex answered. “After next week we can set up a group chat and we’ll be ready to go.”

“Excellent,” Lucas collected his bag. “See you then,” he turned to leave, before pausing and turning to Megan. “See you in class?”

Megan knew he didn’t recognise her, she didn’t show up enough.

“Probably not, but I’ll be here next time,” she answered, surprisingly calm at admitting that. Lucas nodded, smiled, and left.

Oscar, Ivy and Nathan also said their goodbyes and left, leaving Alex and Megan.

“You alright Megan?” Alex asked, noticing that the younger girl hadn’t left.

“You, you know a lot of people,” Megan noted, and Alex nodded.

“What can I say? I like talking to people. A lot of different people.”

“I can tell,” Megan agreed. It had been an eclectic bunch meeting tonight.

“So, this friend,” Alex probed. “Is this the same friend who had their world turned upside down?”

“Yes, it’s the same guy. Paul.”

“Cool, see if you can bring him,” Alex nodded, before snapping their fingers in realisation. “How’s your android been? I got the impression you weren’t too keen.”

Megan was gripped by a decent amount of panic, and clenched her hand so tight in her pocket she began to dig crescents in her palm.

“H-he’s doing alright. Doing his thing. No issues.”

“Good, let us know how things go with him.”

Alex started towards the door, pausing to see if Megan was going to follow them.

“Why did you nag me about this?” Megan asked the question that had been niggling at her for the past two days.

Alex took their time answering.

“Would you believe me if I said I had a good feeling about you?”

“Not really,” Megan admitted, and Alex chuckled.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

“And what’s with all the cloak and dagger? Was it really just theatrics?”

“That I can answer,” Alex turned to face Megan. “I’m a little paranoid, okay, maybe a lot,” they amended at Megan’s disbelieving face. “But, I didn’t want people showing up just to cause trouble, ya know? I wanted people who were serious, and if I threw in a bit of challenge, I’d get people who were determined.”

“And, that somehow applies to me?”

“You figured it out didn’t you?” Alex had that annoying, knowing smirk again. “You took the chance of it being a hoax and came anyway. Seems like you’re dedicated enough to me.”

“So, basically you took a chance, and it might have paid off.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Alex’s smirk turned to a soft smile. “I know it sounds like everyone has big ideas on how to help, but if everyone had big ideas then we’d never decide what to do.”

“I, I guess.”

“Hey, if you want to feel more involved, do you want to take minutes for the next meeting? I forgot to do that today, kinda got wrapped up in the excitement of it all.”

Megan blinked in surprise. “Er, yeah, I guess. What do I have to do for that?”

“Keep a note of roughly what was said when. Not word for word, you’d have to either be fluent in short hand or the world’s fastest writer. Just ‘this was suggested then’ and such. You can change your mind at any point.”

“I’ll, I’ll do it, yeah.”

Alex grinned. “Great. I’ll text you when we’ll have the next meeting. See ya later!”

“See you,” Megan added as Alex left, leaving her in a massive, empty room. Did, did all of that just happen? Did they just plan the start of an android rights group? This was how history was made, right?

Megan focused on her breathing, which was starting to get faster. This could be massive, what the hell was she doing, thinking that she could be involved with this?!

Breathe

She did, focusing on the air going through her nostrils and into her lungs, then out again.

It was okay. One meeting at a time. Now, she had to go home, and tell Paul that this was real. This was happening.

Calm, Megan left the room, and made her way home.

9.30PM Tuesday 2nd November 2038

“How did it go? What happened?”

Paul had been waiting by the door for Megan to get in. When she didn’t answer immediately he began to pace up and down the room.

“Paul you’re going to wear a hole in the floor,” Megan commented as she took off her shoes and jacket.

“Unlikely,” Paul refused to stop pacing.

“Okay,” Megan sighed, setting her bag down by the door. “So, this group is legit. It’s real, people showed up, discussed android rights and little on deviants, which will be covered in more detail next time. Overall, looks good.”

Paul visibly relaxed and stopped pacing. “So, now what?”

“Now, we wait for Alex to get their guest speaker in, spread the word,” Megan paused as she remembered. “Oh, and I may have said that I would ask you to come next time. They don’t know you’re an android,” she added at Paul’s alarm.

“Why did you say that?!”

“Because I thought you’d be interested! Besides, if we’re talking about deviants next time, who better than an android who’s actually a deviant!”

“I can’t,” Paul shook his head and began pacing again. “I just can’t.”

“Why?” Megan pressed.

“I’m scared, okay?!” Paul nearly shouted.

“Guess what, so was I!” Megan retaliated “I still went. Trust me, I get it. It sucks being scared all the time, but you can’t hide here forever!”

“Watch me,” Paul all but snarled.

“Paul, you will go mad if you stay cooped up in here. It’s already happened and you can’t deny it!” she called as he tried to walk away, however, it was a small apartment, so there wasn’t far to go.

“I’m not going to that meeting!” he shouted, making Megan step back, heart rate rising. She had to pause to gather herself in order to respond.

“I never said you had to!” Megan countered, making him pause. “For the love of- you stopped following orders the night you decided to stop me doing something I’d regret, and I’m grateful for that. This is not an order, this is a suggestion. I think it would be a good idea, but I can’t force you and I don’t want to.”

Paul had his hands on the kitchen table, head lowered as he tried to regain control of himself.

“From what you’ve told me, your mind has, essentially, been broadened. Now, you do experience boredom, and loneliness and don’t think I haven’t noticed,” she added when it looked like he was going to disagree.

“You’re being a little hypocritical, aren’t you?” he asked, and Megan froze. “You only ever left your apartment building once a week, at best before I was given to you.”

“That was self imposed.”

“That was you caving into your anxiety,” Paul snapped. “And now you’re telling me to not do that same thing.”

“Because we both know it was bad and we both know that you hadn’t been there I probably wouldn’t even be here right now!” Megan shouted, voice started to shake as she realised what she’d said. “It-it was bad, and I’m trying to st-stop you from, from making the same mistake.”

Paul was calmer when he replied, but still clearly upset.

“By pushing me to do things I’m not ready for?”

“Some-sometimes you need to be pushed. You pushed me, a lot, without realising.”

Paul let a sigh, and stood up from the table. His face was blank, and Megan took an unconscious step back, making him blink.

“I-I’m scaring you.”

Megan smiled nervously. “A-a little bit?”

Paul’s legs seemed to fold beneath him as he down in one of the kitchen chairs. He ran a hand over his face as he tried to collect his thoughts.

“... I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my temper.”

“Welcome to riding the shitstorm,” Megan tried to joke, but it fell flat.

Paul tried to respond how she wanted him to, mouth twitching into a smile, but it was clearly forced.

“You don’t have to come,” Megan reassured as she walked over to her computer.

Paul didn’t respond, and Megan waited a few minutes before starting to go over new commissions, since it seemed like Paul wasn’t going to say anything.

It took about half an hour for Paul to say something.

“Has the money from your commission come in?”

“Yeah, earlier today.”

“Shopping tomorrow. See where we go from there,” Paul decided and Megan nodded.

“One step at a time,” she agreed.

So, yes, mostly exposition about the the new characters, who we will be seeing a lot of. And with Nathan's thing about Europe having different androids, according the wiki that's canon. Here's the link detroit-become-human.wikia.com…

And Paul is under a lot of stress, as Megan said, him being stuck in the apartment is driving him mad, even if he doesn't want to admit it. He knows that he goes outside there's a high chance of something going wrong, which when he wasn't deviant didn't bother him, but now has the potential to make him freak out.

Other Options Flowchart Dismiss idea about Paul (argument won't be so intense later in the chapter, as Megan would merely suggest it to him) Agree to see Lucas in class Ask how many more people were supposed to show up. Ask how many Alex expected to stay

Don't ask Alex why they asked Megan to come

Don't agree to be note taker

Lie. Be 100% honest

Break the silence

@septicart-appreciation @nightmarejim

ZADR week day 2 - Summer date

( another fanfic! This one’s a bit longer than my last one ) 

"WHERE WERE YOU!?" snapped a small Irken alien to a very tall human boy in front of him. The boy scratched his large head, looking sheepish "Dad just wanted me to do a few extra chores before I left.." he explains "I'm sorry for being la-" "YOUR FILTHY APOLOGIES MEAN NOTHING!" the alien yelled, crossing his arms "ZIM HAS BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO SHOW UP FOR ..." he paused and glanced at the clock that hung on the wall of his home "ONE EARTH HOUR!" Dib nodded "Like I said, Dad wanted me to do some stuff first! Its not my fault! Now are we going on this date or are we just going to waste time arguing!" Its been too many years of arguing for them, they were both rather tired of it, though still said the occasional insult from time to time. "hmph!" Zim frowned "Fine...Zim is willing to forget this, for now! but be warned DIB-THING! Next time this happens you will not be off the hook that easily!" he smirked triumphantly, Dib sighed and grabbed the Irken's hand "Got it. Lets just go already!" Zim let himself be dragged along and waved goodbye to GIR, his SIR unit who sat on the couch, stuffing his face with burritos. As Dib approached his black car, Zim took notice of the heat in the air. That stupid Earth star was hotter than usual, and Zim did not like the sound of that. As Zim strapped himself into the passenger seat next to Dib, he began to let the human know of the problem "YOUR STUPID SUN IS HOTTER THAN NORMAL! WHY IS THAT!?" "Its Summer" Dib simply explained "Its supposed to be hot.." "IS THERE A WAY TO STOP THIS...SUM-ER?" Dib snorted "No, unless you blow up the sun .but then that would blow up the whole Ear-" he glanced at his alien boyfriend, suddenly regretting his words , Zim had that smirk on his face. Dib reacted quickly "oh no! no! No more Earth conquering, remember?" Zim scowled, he did remember. He had promised, back when he and Dib became friends, that he would not conquer the Earth. It had been a hard promise to keep, but now that Dib was more than a friend, Zim was determined to not do anything that could possibly ruin what they had. Dib was his human, and he wasn't about to lose him anytime soon. "Fine! But I don't understand why you even like this insignificant planet!" Dib retorted that with "Its my home. You wouldn't like it if I wanted to destroy Irk, would you?" Zim thought about this, no..he wouldn't like it. But he wasn't about to let Dib know that he was right "Tch, as if you can destroy Irk. They have technology more superior  than your stupid big head brain could ever comprehend! If anything, they would destroy YOU first before you even think of destroying the planet!" Dib had tuned out of Zim's rant, but pretended he was listening with the occasional nod and 'mhm' "AND THEY WOULD BEND YOUR SPLEEN AND-" "we're here" Dib announced. Zim got out of the car once they parked,  confused "Eh?" he looked around, they seem to have parked in front of some eating establishment "Another restaurant!?" Zim complained "We've been to hundreds of restaurants Dib-human! Your date ideas are getting stupid! Next time ZIM will pick the place in which we have our date!" "Well I'm sorry!" Dib spat back "Pardon me for taking into consideration that you were hot, and thought you'd like to have ice cream!" "Ice wha?" Zim looked up, the restaurant was called 'Jhonen's ice cream' and had a giant plastic ice cream cone spinning on top of the building. "You've..never had ice cream before?" Dib asked, Zim looked back to his human, his antenna raised from inside the fabric of his wig "No..? Is it something necessary for me to try?" he questioned. Dib shook his head "not really..only if you want to" Zim thought about this, he would only try because Dib had drove all the way here...no matter how stupid it sounded "Alright then, Zim will try this Ice Cream you speak of" at those words, Dib took his hand "great!" he exclaimed as he dragged Zim inside. It was bright..and colorful...there was a menu right above the wall, below there was a mint green counter, occupied by some teenager with acne. "Welcome to Jhonen's ice cream" the teen greeted before scratching at a pimple on his neck "today's ice cream of the day is homicidal red strawberry surprise.." he informed before pointing to the board, there was a picture drawn of a young man dressed in all black, killing someone with a knife in one hand, and a red colored ice cream in the other. Dib looked back at the cashier "we're good" he informed "well then the menus up there" the cashier replied, pointing up. Dib looked up, all different flavors...given quirky names..like 'Vasquez Vanilla' or 'Squee Strawberry' "See anything you like, space boy?" Dib asks, looking down at Zim. Zim was looking up at the menu, concentrating on seeing the names of the ice creams clearly..but the menu was too high up. "eh..I'll have whatever" he dismissed, but  Dib wasn't going to let him off that easy "you can't see the board, can you?" "YOU LIE! ZIM'S VISION IS PERFECT!" Zim retorted, but before he could protest more, the human had lifted him up and held him toward the menu. Curse Dib and his superior height! he had grown a lot since they were kids...that irritated Zim..but sometimes he liked being picked up ( not that he would admit it ) This, however was not one of those times "UNHAND ME HUMAN! NOBODY CARRIES ZIMM!" he attempted to scratch Dib's hands to which he replied "Ow! hey you jerk I'm just helping you see the menu!! I'll put you down once you pick something!!" Zim glared at him before looking back at the menu "hmmmm..." he pondered "I'll take the vanilla one" Dib put him down "There. That wasn't so hard, all you had to do was pick something" "Yes..yes..BUT YOU DO NOT PICK UP ZIM! EVER!" Dib cracked a goofy grin, to which Zim blushed a bit..but quickly brushed it off. Dib looked at the menu again "And I'll get...the Cocofang Chocolate" he decided. The Cashier nodded before scooping up the two ice creams in cones, handing them to the boys "here ya go! have a nice day!" Zim took his ice cream and observed the substance, while Dib paid for both of them. The two sat on a booth, Dib had already started licking his frozen treat, while Zim was still hesitant. The ice cream felt cold.. "Hey, Earth to Zim! are you gonna eat your ice cream? You should before it starts melting" "Melting!?" Zim looked at the ice cream, it didn't seem like liquid "Yea, it doesn't stay solid forever" Dib informed "Once you try it, you'll like it, I promise" Zim whined "You better be right, you...big head!" He took a little lick,..hm..it was..sweet. He took another one, his expression changing drastically from unconvinced to smiling! He then went back to his neutral expression, not wanting to let Dib know that he, indeed liked the ice cream. "Eh....its okay...Irk has much better desserts than this!" Dib had seen that smile earlier, and wasn't convinced by Zim's statement "Yea sure...you liked it! I saw you smile!" "WHAT!?" Zim froze, his squeedily spooch pumping widly " YOU....YOU LIEEE! ZIM NEVER SMILES!!!" "You smile around me sometimes" Dib retorted with a smirk "THAT IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!" Zim yelled, his face more greener than usual "COMPLETELY DIFFERENT....SHUT UP! YOU SAW NOTHING!" Dib only shrugged "okay..I saw nothing then" That made Zim relax, he then continued to secretly enjoy his vanilla ice cream. "You totally smiled though" "I DID NOT! SHUT YOUR MOUTH HOLE DIB!"

I’m learning I used to have endometriosis before I got pregnant. Painful intercourse, excruciating unmanageable period cramps, and when I did get pregnant, in the first trimester, my body literally shed all the overgrowth and tissue and blood and bad stuff in my uterus and I thought for sure I had a miscarriage, but my doctor said everything was fine, and she seemed perplexed by what had happened to me, and said something about a change-over from where the baby receives nutrients, and the excess from before all comes out.  But she only offered that as a suggestion.  She wasn’t sure.  She just reassured me, it /can/ be normal, and she had seen it before.

Apparently, I also have PCOS.  Which I didn’t even know was a different thing from endometriosis.  I had the weight gain, the terrible acne, thinning hair, and a chronic normal-looking discharge, basically all day, every day. I was able to cure the acne only in my mid 20s with a supplement called Herpanacine, but I always struggled with my weight.

I’m not sure, but I’m going to guess these things are linked to what I now know is already a problem for me, which is that my immune system is attacking my body.  It explains the psoriasis I’ve had since I was eight.  It explains the hypothyroidism.  It explains the weird rash I broke out in all over my torso a few years ago when the doctor said my immune system was attacking my lungs, and they didn’t know what causes it.

It explains the IBS, that I was managing by taking enzymes to help digest food, and the IBS explains the anemia.

Part of me is so angry.

I look at pictures of myself when I was a teenager.  My face is visibly swollen.  My eyes are puffy and swollen.  I was always tired and complaining of feeling sick, especially in the mornings.  My ankles were swollen, my hands and feet would hurt in the mornings when I would walk or open things.  My eyebrows were all but gone.  

I DONT LOOK RIGHT.

There was OBVIOUSLY something MEDICALLY wrong with me!

But my mother was incapable of empathizing with other human beings, and always made me feel that my LIFE was an inconvenience, because her marriage was strained, (because she’s a sociopath). They didn’t /want/ to get married to each other.  They didn’t actually /want/ me.  They got married and pregnant because that was what was expected of them.

Neither of them were happy together, and even less happy trying to raise a child and provide for a family.

When my mom thought she lost me when she was pregnant, she shrugged it off and went and rode roller coasters and did stuff you’re not supposed to do when you’re pregnant, without even going to the doctor.  She was shocked when he asked if she wanted to hear the heartbeat.

Nobody cared enough to notice there was something wrong, and that I needed medical attention.

Not even when my period cramps were so excruciating they left me writhing on the floor until I threw up from the pain, and then passed out from exhaustion, sweating and pale and clammy.

Nobody cared.  They told me it was normal.  They told me everybody has them, and to just deal with it.

They didn’t believe me when I said I felt sick and told me I just didn’t want to go to school.

And I couldn’t argue that, because I hated school.  I couldn’t concentrate.  I was picked on chronically for being overweight and having bad acne ad not being allowed to wear makeup to cover it up.  For not wearing expensive clothes and having my nails and hair professionally done.  I went to a very wealthy public school.  My dad made good money.  But my mother acted as if we were living in the great depression and bemoaned buying me normal things like a bar of soap, claiming she “JUST bought me some” even if it was months ago.

My mother was not right in the head. My father liked to stay out of her way.

I never felt close to him until I was fourteen, and they were worried I would kill myself and I begged them, in tears, to take me to a psychiatrist, just so I could /talk/ to someone. And the therapist told me she didn’t see any reason for me to visit with her.  So I lied.  I started talking about knives and said I hid one in my room and that I liked cutting things with it. And then she told my parents she had a few concerns and she thought I would benefit from coming to see her.

I had no idea I had a slew of medical and psychological conditions.  And whenever I read about one I identified with, people made fun of me. “Oh, yeah, I bet you diagnose yourself with everything.“  And  “Yeah, you and everybody else.“

Fuck you.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Yeah, life is hard.  Yeah, people struggle with different things.  Yeah, nobody likes to get up in the morning and go to work, or to school, or whatever, but they do it.

Nobody wants to admit somebody might have it worse.  Especially, when they look ‘normal’.  - (Because I wasn’t crippled, or permanently disfigured, or throwing up every day.)  

My symptoms were all things people could easily shove aside because they didn’t want to deal with it.  They told me it wasn’t happening, because they didn’t want it to be their problem.

So I fucking struggles with my immune system trying to kill me, my entire life, and on top of that, a family who didn’t give a shit about it, trying to force me to function ‘normally’, because if I didn’t, it might indicate that they were less than perfect, and my mom is secretly a fucking sociopath, who believes peoples’ feelings are nothing but factors in the environment that she can either be nice about, or twist and manipulate to her own whims.  She’s incapable of empathy, or of being able to perceive a viewpoint that’s not her own.

When she argues with you, she’s not trying to understand where you’re coming from.  She’s not capable of it.  She’ll seem confused, and just keep arguing her own point until she fucking wears you out or down, or whatever it takes until you just shut up and do what she wants.

There is no ‘you’.  There’s only the way she /wants/ things to be.  And that’s being kind.  I still won’t talk about some of the things she put me through. -some of which I only recently recovered in my memory.

I always thought ‘repressed memories’ were things you couldn’t recall happening at all.  I didn’t realize they were events that your brain ‘remembers’.  I always knew this thing, on a very basic level, did happen to me.  I even convinced myself it was normal, and never opened it up any deeper than ‘this vaguely happened to me a long time ago, and I don’t think about it in detail.’

And then I watched a youtube video of a woman talking about an unrelated experience, that reminded me of the depth of what happened.  and 

HOLY HELL.

Fucking hell.

It all came back.  It all made sense.

No fucking wonder I have issues.  No fucking wonder I have triggers.  No fucking wonder I don’t trust people.

And that bitch.  That woman that calls herself my mother.  She blew off my concerns, and fucking stood there and let it happen to me.

And then she spent the rest of my life, dismissing my medical problems so she wouldn’t have to deal with them.  Dismissing my emotional scarring, and trying to manipulate me into being ‘normal’.  Into being like my sister, who had more energy than she knew what to do with.  Who always got good grades.  Who had no problem making friends.

And when I was 12, and just starting to dawn on the fact that my mother was maybe not everything she should be, my younger, naive sister, who had life at her fingertips and never ran into anything she couldn’t have or do, she told me my problems with my mom might be /my/ fault.

And I don’t blame her for giving me that pain, because she was very young, and she had no way of knowing what I was going through.

But it still hurt like hell, and I was so lonely I often asked God if he could just take me away.  Because I believed that killing myself would only land me in Hell, because it would be committing a murder, of myself.

And people tell me, Grow up.  Be your own woman.  You don’t need a ‘man’ to save you.

And they’re right. They’re right.

I didn’t need a man.  I just needed someone who could love me, and believe in me, and be patient with me, while I sort through all the bullshit of my past and try to take care of myself and become a healthier, stronger person, and overcome everything that happened to me, and maybe one day, I’ll be healthy enough to function like ‘normal people’.

I needed someone, anyone, who could help me even /get/ to a place, where I could start to save /myself/.  Where all my efforts could actually start to make a difference.

His gender had nothing to do with that. Everyone needs some support.  Everyone needs love.  Everyone needs friends who believe in them, and help them when they can’t function like everyone else does

BECAUSE THEY HAVE A FUCKING MEDICAL CONDITION.

I read an article recently that said people with chronic fatigue from autoimmune disease is like being awake for THREE DAYS STRAIGHT, and then being expected to function like a normal person.

and I’ve lived my WHOLE FUCKING LIFE like this!!  While the people who were supposed to love me and care about me, told me I was being lazy and fat and ugly and why can’t I just get over it and do what’s expected of me. I’M SO ANGRY.

....

Why did this happen to me?