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heckpup · 3 years

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Hmmmmmm Time for the Part 2 of the Immortal Tommy AU I cooked up with my raw materials in the middle of the night

:DDDDDDDDD What fun. I have also now decided that Tommy's new wings are now phoenix style (cause he's immortal now, innit?), in flames, but only at the tips (so far, this will change the older he gets) and only if he wants them to be. Had he still been mortal, they probably would've been just a regular red, and so that is what they look like when they're not on fire.

Also, I'd like to imagine that the old worlds from when we were kids (with borders and that didn't go on forever and just stopped and dropped off into the void, right? I know me and my friends loved to find the corners and try to go through. Good times.) are what the god's personal realms are like. Not enough room for rebellion, since there's not enough room to run from an angry god/goddess. If you go to the edge, you can look at/travel to other worlds as well. Most gods don't bring other people into their worlds anyway, but *shrugs*

Edit: (I can't believe I forgot this I'm so sorry ;-;) TW:Mentions of bl00d, Mention of de@th, mentions of m@n!pulat!0n and g@sl!ght!ng, mentions of t0rture.

Just thought I should mention + explain.

"Hey Clara?" Tommy asks from a small tree, letting his feathers move gently in the wind.

"Yes, Tommy?" Clara calls from below, looking up at the young immortal. Tommy glides down to meet her on the ground, and he looks up at her a little sheepishly.

"Do you think that since, well, you know, I'm recovered and shit, I could visit those bitches from the SMP? I kinda just want to, uh, blow up at them, sorta. I just- its a lot of untapped rage and I really just wanna scream at 'em, you know? It's totally ok if you think I shouldn't I mean, you are the biggest man- er, woman- here, just wanted to ask, but uh-"

"Tommy." Clara cuts him off with a small smile, and a bit of mischief and malice (And anger, as well) twinkling in her dark eyes. "I think that's a wonderful idea. Besides," She begins to walk over to the edge of their small world, "they need to understand what they did, and its never good for us immortals to hold grudges over mortals. Could cause some unplanned problems in the far future."

Tommy beams, and Clara begins mentally preparing for the showdown with glee. "Tommy, how do you want to do it?" She asks, inner drama queen squealing.

"Well-" Tommy tells her- "-I really want it to be big and dramtic, you know? Like lightning and thunder, and like things bursting into flame and shit. I could probably do the flames myself, but do you think-" He looks up at her expectantly.

"Of course!" She says, patting his shoulder. "A storm fit for a god. It would be only fitting, of course. I am going to come along, of course. Just in case there are any unexpected developments, like more dramatic effect."

Tommy nods. "Yeah! Those bitches aren't gonna know what hit them! But, do you think you could stay invisible 'n shit for it? I still wanna do this by myself. I don't-" He cuts himself off, feathers ruffling. "I wanna yell and bitch about it, and I want to do this on my own. Like an important milestone on my recovery." Clara nods in agreement.

"Right, right. For the lightning though, is there any houses you want to keep out of harms way? I plan on hitting a lot of houses, just to get people up and moving."

Tommy thinks for a minute. "Uh, maybe hit close to Ranboo's house- he's the black and white hybrid, he's always been pretty nice to me- and Sam and Puffy and BadBoyHalo. Sam put Dream in prison a while ago, and Puffy and BBH gave me some gifts the night before you picked me up. So, they're clear from property damage, but I still want to see them. Defintely break Dream out, I want to yell at him though. Wait, maybe I can break him out, like teleport him away from the prison and show off my new powers and shit- anyway, maybe save Niki as well, she was always nice."

Clara nods and begins to locate the small world that she pulled Tommy from so many years ago. "Goodness!" She laughs. "It's been a while since you looked down at this one, isn't it?"

"Yeah, haven't had much time to think shit about those old bitches." Tommy begins to search with her, quickly locating the small SMP, being recently cleared of the red bloodvines that had plagued it for a while.

While they plan, they laugh, and Clara is reminded of how far the young godling had been when she whisked him away. His old SMP hadn't deserved him, not even for a second.

Tommy and Clara were watching from the clouds as the little people in the SMP ran around panicked about the storm that was destroying a lot of their houses. Tommy watched with glee and satisfaction as the majority of the SMP (save for Dream, of course) gathered in the newly rebuilt community house to discuss the looming problem.

"Dream has to be behind this, Sam!" Fundy growled out. "He's the only one that has this kind of power!"

"You ready?" Clara asked Tommy, after waiting for him to be perfectly positioned under one of the next lightning bolts, aimed at one of the doorways to the community house. Tommy nodded and lit the tips of his wings, prepared for the force of the bolt to push him back down to the earth.

The lightning hit, and Tommy found himself being thrown down and pushed to the ground.

The first thing he noticed was that the bolt left little sparks over his body and his wings were a little more lit up than usual.

The second thing he noticed was that everyone in the community house was looking at him.

He stood up and, with a great amount of false confidence, strode into the room. Tubbo was staring slack-jawed, as were most people in the building. Phil's face was incredibly pale, to the point that Tommy actually began to worry about the man's health. Ranboo looked at him wide-eyed, but then Tommy saw recognition flash and a smile began to creep onto his face.

But the person that Tommy had his eyes on the most was the no-longer transparent form of his elder brother, well and alive again.

"What's up, bitches?" Tommy grinned, and suddenly the room was alive with shouts and yelling and holy Prime, Tommy probably should have prepared more for this reaction but he hadn't even known Wilbur was alive but oh, Phil's yelling about how Tommy left him and-

"Tommy, how could you? You've been off to who knows where? Where the fuck have you been? How could you leave us?" Phil's void-black wings ruffled, and Tommy didn't even think before responding,

"I've been off healing, bitch! You know, from all the trauma you adults forced on me? And the gaslighting from Dream? The manipulation? It took me years to get over that shit, and the god's world-time runs slow! I spent a whole fucking year trying to understand that what you bitches put me through was fucking wrong, and I was not alright! I left you all here because you left me when I was at my fucking WORST! YOU LET A SIXTEEN YEAR-OLD FIGHT IN FUCKING WARS AND GET EXILED! YOU EXPECTED ME TO TAKE THAT SHIT LIKE A FUCKING ADULT? FUCK NO!" Tommy's wings flared out and he could feel the heat radiating off of it, his flames responding to his anger.

"Thomas Minecraft-Innit, I am your father, how dare you-"

"Oh, you're my father now? Now, after you abandoned me, neglected me, left me in the dust? You cared more about your fucking war buddy than your own two sons! Wilbur was more of a father than you were, and then you fucking killed him!"

"Tommy-" Tubbo tried to interject.

"AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON YOU TUBBO! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID? YOU LEFT ME AS WELL, YOU LEFT ME WITH FUCKING DREAM! YOU EXILED ME, AND FOR FUCKING WHAT? A SAD POSITION IN A COUNTRY THAT YOU LET DREAM PUPPETEER ANYWAY! WE FOUGHT THAT WAR TO GET AWAY FROM DREAM, AND THEN YOU FUCKING LET HIM RIGHT BACK IN!" Tommy raged, turing on his ex-best friend. "Oh, speaking of-" He snapped his fingers and then Dream was in the room with them, wearing an orange jumpsuit and looking around wildly.

The room let out a great outburst, which, to be fair, was expected.

But then Dream took one look at Tommy and decided that it was a-fucking-okay to try and re-manipulate Tommy again. As if he didn't notice that Tommy was much older, much more healed and much more powerful than before. (Or that could just be him. Clara did tell him that gods- and even godlings- could change their age and appearance, and sometimes it was involuntary and depended on emotions and metal stability. Tommy did actually feel much younger. Maybe it was from being in this place, this world, and being in front of the person that hurt him most. That would make sense.)

"Tommy!" Dream cried with unusual glee. "You're here to help me, aren't you? You finally came to your senses about your best friend, right?" Tommy only raised an eyebrow in response, not giving him an answer. "What, not going to give an answer to your only friend? Tommy, I stayed with you, I kept you company when no one else did, remember?" Prime, how long did Dream think he had been in that prison for?

Tommy only shrugged and then pulled out a sword and dashed up to Dream, keeping the blade on Dream's throat. "You mother fucker. You are the biggest bitch boy I've ever, and I mean ever, had the pleasure of knowing, bitch boy. You are the absolute worst thing to ever happen to me, you know that? You killed me twice, and for what? Gratification of knowing you killed a teenager? And then you tried to gaslight me, manipulate me into doing your sick shit for you? That's the most fucked up thing I've ever known, Dream. I'm going to enjoy taking this life from you." And then he swung, embedding the blade into the wall behind where Dream's body had once been.

TommyInnit killed Dream with [A Final Blow]

Dream made the achievement [Banned?]

"Tommy what-" Tommy turned to look at Technoblade, who was looking blankly at his chatlog.

"Oh, don't worry too much about him. He'll just be stuck for a few days in the ban-void, and then he'll come back on his own." A great number of people paled, knowing the ban void, when you were still on a world, meant that you were subjected to great amounts of agony as your body tore itself apart and tried to pull its code back together. And Tommy had just taken one of Dream's lives, too!

"Tommy, what happened to you?" Phil asked, horrified.

"I grew up," Tommy said with a smile. "And now I have the rest of time to spend continuing to grow and live. Becuase now, Tommy Innit never dies."

Techno rushed at him suddenly, axe swinging. It caught the edge of Tomm'y neck, and Tommy took the chance to grab Techno by the scruff on his, and lift him up, also while feeling his body grow older. Several gasps were heard around the room at the sudden change. "What were you trying to do there, Technoblade? You can't kill a god." And then he let Techno drop to the ground, before touching the part of his neck Techno had sliced.

His hand drew away with golden ichor.

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hugsandharrifield · 4 years

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A new Harrifield Fic

Years Apart- Steve X Dwight Something I have been meaning to write for a while what if they got to go back home... But that meant that Steve had been sent back to the 80′s .... I hope you enjoy. —————————————————————————————– Dwight sighed, it was raining outside the coffee shop he was in he watched as the droplets came down. It was cold and gloomy, but at least he had a hot cider to drink. It had been a few months since he and the others had escaped the Entity's realm.

It was really weird being back in the real world, especially since almost no time had passed since he had dissappeared. It's almost as if he hadn't gone missing at all, he was literally in the forest where his coworkers had abandoned him. Thankfully he managed to find his way out by following a stream.

He quit his job right as soon as he got back to civilization , fuck those people. He didn't really need to worry though a familiar German man reached out to him almost a day later. Said that he needed someone who could do secretarial work for him, he even was able to do it remotely. Dwight was so happy to get away from the awkwardness of the workplace, Felix really saved his sanity.

A lot of the other survivors reached out, they all wanted to make sure each other were all right. It was humbling to know how much they all meant to each other and Dwight.. Well he had friends, real friends who actually cared about him.

But... He couldn't find Steve... Part of it was time he was sure, Steve had been kidnapped from the 80's so if Dwight appeared right back when he had started so had Steve and Nancy for sure.

Dwight tried to find a Steve Harrington in Hawkins, but he must have moved a long while ago cause no one knew who he was talking about. He couldn't find Nancy either, it was super annoying.

Him and Steve... Dwight was sure it had been love, but maybe... Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Steve had probably moved on... After all he was like twenty something when Entity had taken him, and well surely after twenty to thirty some years ago.. Dwight was lost in thought when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"Heya Dwi..." a voice that sounded a little worn but very familiar threw Dwight for a loop.

"Steve!" Dwight looked up in shock. There he was, his hair a little shorter but still kind of long, with these perfect looking streaks of grey and he was wearing a goatee with flecks of grey in it too. He was still in annoyingly good shape, the moles still dotting his face and around his eyes he had some crows feet but it was still defintely him.

"Oh my god Steve!" He jumped up and gave him a hug. " I missed you so much."

Steve didn't say anything just wrapped his arms around Dwight and just squeezed super hard.

He pulled away and his eyes looked like they were watering. "I.. oh my god... You haven't changed at all...

Dwight felt his eyes watering too but he managed to tease his boy " Yeah but it looks like your older than me now."

"Yeah.... it's been... nearly thirty years..." Steve sat down at the table Dwight had been sitting at and Dwight sat across from him. Steve appeared a bit lost in thought.

"Hey handsome? Are you okay?" Dwight reached his hand out.

"Yeah.... yeah... it's just... What am I even doing here? I divorced my wife 10 years ago, me and her never had kids. And I had the occasional fling with a guy, but... Dwight I never really got over you." Steve explained.

"I've been missing you too." Dwight comforted him. "How did you find me?"

"Felix that man is a godsend tracked us all down eventually even Laurie. I told him not to tell you." Steve sighed.

"What why? And how did you know I was going to be in this coffee shop?" Dwight was confused.

Steve laughed "Actually I didn't expect to find you here, I was just grabbing a coffee before I went to your apartment which I know is a few blocks from here."

"And as for why I didn't want him to tell you... I mean... Look at me I'm old.. and worn and... Your still young and the same guy I met so many years ago." Steve was pulling at his hair anxiously

"Hey..." Dwight grabbed Steve's hand which was a little cold just like he always was what seemed like ages ago now. "Your still a cold baby I see." Dwight put both hands on Steves and warmed him up.

"You don't.. have to." Steve started.

"I love you Steve... Do... do you still love me?" Dwight looked him square in the face his eyes nervously awaiting an answer.

"You... Dwight ... are you sure I'm so old... you don't have to... you have your whole life ahead of you without me slowing you down." Steve looked as if he was trying to talk himself out of something.

Dwight was having none of it he slid over to Steve's side of the table he placed a hand on Steve's face and pushed in for a kiss. It was electric... Steve's skin felt slightly different, but the movements, and everything else was the same. He even was still wearing the same damn cologne he wore when he was younger.

"You still look like your capable of keeping up with me. I think.... I think me and you can make this work." Dwight smiled and dipped in for another kiss.

He could hear Steve sigh a deep sigh and a smile crept across his lips as Dwight pulled back " I love you Dwi..."

#dwight fairfield #steve harrington #stranger things #dead by daylight #old steve #fanfic #hugsandharrifield #harrifield #love #dwight loves steve #steve loves dwight

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aspiestvmusings · 3 years

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ZEP S2 WISH LIST

Here is my wish list for ZEP future season(s):

This is based on a list I posted on another site after the finale. I've just expenaded on it. And added more things to the list:

One: Joan = CEO. Zoey or Max = Joan’s job (Zoey = Joan & Max = Zoey OR Max = Joan). -- Because they gotta keep Max around on the 4th, since it’s workplace centered show. And he’s free & looking for a job & he has loved working there & has been for 5 years, but he doesn’t want his old job back as a coder. This would allow them to deal with this the best. Without casting anyone new, and having the main cast all together in scenes, while also creating new dynamics... Because Joan is the new CEO (cause DMD is gonna be away for 6-19 months, so Joan is possibly not gonna be around as much for a while... a storyline written because of the actresses LG’s filming schedule conflict). So it’s either gonna be that Zoey takes Joan’s job (and Max Zoey’s job) or Max takes Joan’s job (and Zoey remains in hers...cause she has too manhy things to deal with currently to handle the responsibility of Joan’s job)

Or as an alternate option: Max does continue on his own path, and part of his character development (and part of more backstory for him, and his growth) will be his new career path. And I hope it won’t be on the 6th floor/at some other SrpkPoint team, but that he’d go on and start his own business or something. That’d be interesting, and source for many storylines.

Two: Abigail returning from Africa & getting that internshop at Sprk Point. Tobin + Abigail (since KT has said he wants Tobin to fall in love) -- I really want to see Abigail again. and they did set up the possibility of that in S1. Also... this would allow Howie to return, too (as her dad now, not as Mitch caregiver)

Three: Max & Mo friendship. More of that. Team M&M being there for Zoey...at this time of grieving. The only two people who know about her superpower (the only two she’s told...cause the MRI technician might be “on the know” too? The third person who knew is not physically there anymore)

Four: Max’s new look: beard (and locks). See: Skylar Astin’s social media posts during quarantine for the visual of the look. I mean... if we already had Tobin, David & Simon... all have a beard or a shadow of a beard...in the shows Pilot, then how/why would they (read: the network/studio) not allow Max to have one? The network made the actor shave for the show/S1, but... times they are changing. And the new look would fit... perfectly into the storyline. I mean.. Max is unemplyed for now, staying at home (not going to the offfice, so no “reason” to shave). Plus he said it himself... he’s looking forward to trying new things..etc. So it would make sense storyline wise, too.

Five: Max & Tobin friendship - exploring more of this. It’s one of the dynamics we haven’t seen much in S1. But both Tobin 2.0 & Max 2.0 are extra great, and they’d work well together.

Six: Tobin’s squirrel! Can he bring his pet squirrel to work again, please?

Seven: More Team SparkPoint! More scenes, more songs for, more interactions with, more backstory of other member of the Team (Tobin, Leif, and everyone else) I really need there to be more song for Tobin/Kapil.

Eight: The Max & Zoey office pool: Tobin being in charge of the bet “when will they get together”. Since everyone knows that Max has had a crush on Zoey for the longest time, and they’ve seen her sing “I’m Yours” to him (and probably more)... it’s time for this storyline. Because there is definitely some betting been going on about Zoey/Max, and if/when they will be together.

Nine: More backstory to all (side) characters: The Clarke’s (Maggie, Zoey, David, Emily), Mo, Tobin, Leif, Joan, Max... How/When they started to work at Sprk Point. Their family. Their “outside work” life. Their personal experiences with grief (Zoey & Simon may be the only ones who have lost their dads, but Joan is defintely not the only person Zoey knows who has lost someone close... and she/we are just not aware ogf it yet)

Ten: Max & Simon: Both men agreeing to take a step back & take themselves out of the competition in Zoey’s mind, letting her have her alone time & family time after the funeral. Zoey taking time to think, and reflect...on things. And then sitting down to talk with both men (either all three together, or with each separately), and telling them everything/the truth. Telling Max about her connection with Simon and what happened on her “anger phase day”. Telling Simon about her connection and history with her best friend, Max and what happened on the day when the bad moon rose. And then either choosing one of them...or...if they are all open to it...then they could all be in a poly relationship... In other words: honesty from all. And no love triangle, cause that doesn’t work or fit anymore after S1. ETA [Dec 11th]: Oh, well...we all knew this wish of mine wasn’t fully gonna come true in early S2. The “triangle” is still there & both continue with their “heart songs” apparently, but we got a bonus out of it all: the two men are “best buddies” now. That’s something at least...

Eleven: Exploring the Max & Zoey relationship (co-workers, friends, romantic couple) through the eyes of others/people around them: We’ve seen Simon, who was an outsider & didn’t know them much, notice the connection between Max & Zoey. We’ve seen him say that he’s noticed how close the two are, and it’s also noticable when they are spending less time together. He’s even asked if the two are/have been a couple. So... he’s been aware that there is more to Max & Zoey than she has told him. Cause she keeps telling him they’re just friends & he has no reason to be jealous..etc... when he can see/sense that there is/was more... (and it’s possible that had she been honest with him from the start, he’d not “come between the two”...though IDK). How others see them.

Twelve: Zoey admitting to herself that she hasn’t been fair with the two men in her life. Telling both the truth. Being open about her real feelings..for each. Zoey being more open with her own feleings, not running away from deep emotions. Not being scared of “what if-s”. Taking her own advice...to not keep it all (the grief) inside her, and instead talk about it...with loved ones. Dealing with it. And looking at things from a new, different perspective. Going after her joy... and realizing it’s not as far as she thinks. Realizing that she can live and love again after her dad is gone. Zoey admitting to herself that she formed an emotional grief bond with Simon only/mainly/mostly because she had a crush on him and wanted him for his body. That that was her motivation. Cause that was why she was so eager to help him, and why she continued her emotional affair with him.

THIS IS WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN...FOR ME TO “LIKE” THE MAIN CHARACTER. Until she claims it’s all due to the powers or grief & won’t accept it’s her own choices & doing, I’m not gonna be able to fully enjoy the storylines. She may be grieving, she may be “stressed out” due to the power and she may have a “hot mess” personality in general, but since for me none of it is logical & I see her behaviours and all as irrational & controversial, I can’t “get” the character. To me her behaviour and all don't match up (and s much as I try convincing myself it’s cause of grief or powers or...) I cannot convince myself that those explain it. Hence she seems “OOC” to me... back & forth, all depending too much on the seasons set up (things happen in premiere, for sweeps, for finale... cause there have to be twists then, so even if they don’t add up or aren’t logical, they happen...)

As Maggie put it, when Zoey lashed out on Howie: “We do not talk to people like that.” AND as Mo out it “don’t blame it on the power, this one’s all on you”. Meaning... she cannot claim that all of it is due to her grief or powers. And personally need her to stop being in denial & claiming it’s “due to grief/powers”, when its been made clear she’s aware she is actually just trying to stay in denial....

Thirteen: Zoey + therapy & Simon + therapy: both taking time to properly grieve, and heal. And acknowledge their mistakes: Simon (emotionally) cheating on Jessica (he may not be a bad person, but he did a “bad thing”). Zoey leading both men along and being dishonest.

Fourteen: Maggie going back to work, continuing her landscape/floral business...without Mitch. But shell need someone to help her. The perfect candidate would be Autumn. She loves all things nature! Also...any excuse to have her (Stephanie) back.

Fifteen: Paul (the family friend, who we saw in 1x06 & 1x12) being back. He’s the most likely candidate for a possibly romantic storyline for Maggie. IF they decide to write one. (and we all know TV shows like to write all that)

Sixteen: Mitch still being there... even if he’s not. In their dreams. In flashbacks. In Zoey-ality...singing to her. Any excuse to have Micth (Peter) back...as much as possible. And the “Mitch effect”: how he’s shaped everyone (Maggie, Zoey, David, Emily, Max...) who knew him... his “ideas” living on through them. Big Moments...

Seventeen: Baby Mitch [cause, let’s be real, David & Emily are gonna name their baby boy after his grandpa...in some way or form)! David & Emily as parents. David as a father... even if he’s had doubts about himself as a dad [the whole “I dont think I’m manly enough” plot they did]

Eighteen: Aunt Zoey -- Zoey as an aunt to “baby Mitch”. David & Emily asking Zoey & Max to be the babies godparents (they would...cause he’s like a family, and they have no idea about any of the triangle drama...probably). Zoey babysitting baby Mitch. Zoey & Max babysitting baby Mitch. Cause let’s face it - they would not let Zoey do it alone - she’d be too anxious/nervous... #classictrope

Nineteen: Throwbacks to: The day that Max & Zoey met..5 years ago..a the company orientation day, and to other big moments in their friendship (how the movie nights started...). Leif’s first day...which was 7 years ago... sao hes been there longer. The day Max met Zoeys family, and seeing many of the moments they had together (any excuse to have Micth/Peter back) - the holidays, the summer barbeques... and how everyone knew about Maxs feelings for Zoey.

Twenty: More Zoey/Mo friendship. And more about her other neighours. Maybe her shy downstairs neighbour is ready for that moonwatching adventure on the roof? Speaking of which...can we get some astronomy/math storylines (backstory and expansion of Zoey’s interests - how it started, what she’s doing now...)

Twenty-One: More singing & dancing...in whatever form. In Zoey’ality/Zoeys head, in dreams, in the form of karaoke or flash mobs. And one thing’s for sure... we need Zoey to SING...for real...to Max..once she’s made up her mind and chooses him. Whether it’s a flash mob, or karaoke..or just... “serenading” him... but she is her fathers daughter, and to parallel Max’s flash mob love confession & honouring her dad’s love for big moments, bigger memories...her “confession” should also be in the form of song...and dance.

Twenty-Two: More people finding out about the power...though I don’t really see her “trusting” this secret to anyone but the people she already has told. Except for, maybe, her mom. It could help her if she’d know that Mitch communicated with her/them in a way...during his last months. And maybe she’d tell Joan. But... I actually do not see her telling Simon... even if they do make her choose him for now...cause she’ll make bad choices due to being a grieving mess. And unlike with her best friend, where she can request any feelings/heart song..or none at all... I don’t see her doing the same with her office crush, so any possible make out session will be ruined...as now it seems he is emotionally available, and “likes her back”, so he’s about to sing to her...during such moments. Yet...if they do get closer and she doesn’t tell him... that alone will drive them apart..the secret(s). And yet...if she will tell him...then I do not see a scenario where he will be okay with it, and as chill as Mo, or even as mildly chill as Max was. Because his entire belief in them is based on his belief that she has this natural connection with him...when in fact she’s using a CHIRP style device that helps her read his mind/heart. And unlike others, I do not see the possibility of him being chill or OK with her power, and her not telling him.

Twenty-Three: CHIRP vs ZOEYALITY...the parallels between the superpower & the new tech/gadget

Written: over summer 2020 & updated with a few ETAs: Dec 11th, 2020

#ZEP #ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #ZOEYS EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #ZOEY'S EP #Clarkeman #Zomax #Zax #Zoey Clarke #Max Richman #Zoey x Max #Max x Zoey #TEAM MAX #ZEP S2 #ZEP SEASON 2 #SEASON 2 #LONG POST #TEXT POST #LIST POST

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imgoingtohellsofuckit · 4 years

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Cocky Hero

Hawks x Agent Reader

Warnings - None

Summary - Hawks is used to getting what he wants, even if they play a little hard to get... I was listen to What a man gotta do and had this idea sooo its based very loosely on the song.

Hawks thought he was the best person in the room 99% of the time. He's smart, he's hot, he's the number two hero. So he get's away with it. Because most of the people in the room agree with him. Hell pretty much everyone is dying to be around.

However sometimes people just aren't interested in him and his big show. Typically he shrugs it off and goes back to whatever he was doing. But this case was different. You were different. See Hawks put out all the signs, hit on you with his fantastic lines. And you still seemed unbothered by him.

"Hawks come on it's not a big deal," Mirko says simply, "it's a big hero gala and heroes are everywhere maybe she's chasing after someone else."

"I want her to chase after me," Hawks says, "I mean I'm the best one here."

Mirko rolls her eyes harshly. Suddenly her patience for Hawks seems to be quickly running out.

"Maybe she isn't into you," Mirko suggests, "she could be dating someone. Or married."

Hawks didn't buy it. The way you were acting with Edgeshot. The slight flirting didn't say you were taken and you definitely weren't wearing a ring.

"Come on you can have any girl at this party why her?" Mirko asks.

"There is just something about her," Hawks start, "she's just- different... I can't explain it."

"She's not into you so you feel the need to make her interested," Mirko says simply, "honestly Hawks you are the most predictable man out there." She sighs. "You should give up. If not for the reason you're running the risk of being a creep. Then because she's a hero agent and she's working right now."

"Whatever," Hawks says. His friend now at her limit sighs then moves to a conversation with Midnight. Hawks however can't be distracted. His new mission way too clear for him to pay any more attention to the other heroes around him. He sighs taking a deep drink from his beer than moves towards the crowd around you.

"Listen I've done the best pr recovery but even I can't erase accidently claiming you are a bottom to the entire world," You say to the group. They laugh lightly. "But did you see how I spun it? Worked pretty well."

"I'm impressed," Someone in the group says, "you handled it well."

"I'm not the best agent in the game right now for nothing," You say with a smirk.

"But for a hero so low in the rankings," Another says. She chuckles.

"Impression is in the top hundred," You simply, "And is quickly rising. Besides not everyone can be Endeavour or Hawks and hit the top ten overnight."

"With a little bit of practice even Impression can manage," Hawks says with a smirk. You look to him and smile lightly.

"Hawks I didn't picture you to be the type to join agents in their story circle," You say brightly, "then again I know your poor agent has been through the ring with your sly tongue."

"I'll take that as a compliment," He says. You raise a brow. Slightly surprised. But it melts away once you really think about who you're talking to. Hawks reeks of confidence. He thinks himself a god sometimes. Hell his agent is a close friend of yours and he's vented to you about a hundred times about that very attitude. You nod lightly at Hawks.

"If anyone can find a compliment in slander it would be you," You say with slight attitude. The group moves slightly as you turn to face the pro. He thinks he's got you. But instead of continuing the conversation with him you look back to the group and smile lightly. "Impression is a great hero. He's raising the standard for heroes. Honestly he's doing my job for me."

"He's great and all but were is the challenge in handling pr for a goodie goodie?" Hawks asks plainly. A slight desperation in the attempt to reclaim your attention.

"He's a hero- he should be a 'goodie goodie'" You fire back, "he follows the laws while still being a great hero. He doesn't think that the rules change for him- But you don't know much about that do you Hawks?"

He could melt right there. The way you say his name. The slight sass in your works while keeping that slight smirk on your face.

"I get the job done," He says.

"With that cocky attitude," You say lightly.

"This cocky attitude took me all the way to number two," He says. You chuckle.

"That's true," You say, "oh- hold that thought. It's time for the ceremony."

The hero commission who was throwing this gala to recognize heroes so people were enjoying it all.

"All our heroes should be appreciated for their hard work, but tonight we'd also like to recognize all the hard work behind the scenes," The rep says smiling brightly, "all our sidekicks, agents, managers, and everyone else that works on a heroes daily operations."

The heroes clap lightly for their teams. Hawks watches as Impression moves giving you a big smile. You give him a wink in return. As the rep finishes her speech and allows everyone to get back to the party. The crowd who was around you before starts to move off to their team. Hawks takes the chance to move closer to you.

"You know if you're ever looking for a job I could always use your talent," Hawks says with a slight smirk.

"As fun as I think working for you would be I love working with Impression," You say to him, "and I love my team. But thats not why you're talking to me is it." He chuckles lightly.

"You've caught me," He says, "can you blame me for wanting talk to the prettiest girl in the room?"

"Prettiest girl in the room? How many times you use that line tonight?" You mock.

"Only you," He assures you, "seriously you're- wow." He looks over you. Biting his lip lightly.

"You're such a flirt," You say as you look over him, "seriously Hawks." She chuckles lightly. "The sidekicks are begging for you attention and yet here you are. Bothering me."

"I wouldn't say I'm bothering you," He says, "I'm keeping you company." You chuckle lightly. Swirling your drink lightly. As you lift it up looking at Hawks through it he raises a brow lightly.

"I don't need you're company," You say. It's not mean- it's honest. "Seriously I could talk to pretty much everyone here. Even leave with a few. So what makes you worthy of my valuable time."

"Oh you think you're so great now?" He says with a huge smirk. You nod lightly. "Well, what a man gotta do to get your attention?" You take a sip. Hiding your obvious amusement. "What a man gotta say?" You move towards him lightly. "I'm yours for tonight if you want me."

"I don't know," You say lightly, "I'm still not convinced."

"I wanna be your part time lover," He says, "number two hero. Crimson wings faster then life. Come on baby you've got to be a little interested." You smile at him. He moves taking her hand.

"I don't waste my time on cheap lines," You say to him, "you've got to have a good hook. That number two business doesn't work for me."

"Doesn't work for you? What you sleeping with endeavor?" Hawks teases.

"God no," You reply, "he's married and frankly not my type. I just don't think hero ranking means that you are a good person. I like someone fun."

"Baby I'm the defintion of fun," He says, "And I'm great on top of it. Seriously you're getting the best of all worlds." You move stepping away from him playfully. He smirks enjoying the game. "What a man gotta do?"

"What can you do Hawks?" You tease.

"Rock your world beautiful," He says smirking, "come on what do you have to lose?"

"Plenty," You reply, "the respect of my coworkers for being another girl Hawks tricked into his bed."

"I don't trick women into my bed," He says, "they come willingly and they leave happy. More than happy."

"Hawks you dog," You say lightly.

"Come on baby," He says softly, "it'll be fun I promise."

You look back to see Impression talking cheerfully to a group of people.

"Let me warn my team," She says, "then we can leave."

"Perfect," He says.

"Don't be so cocky I let you win this time."

"Sure you did beautiful."

#hawks x reader #keigo takami x reader #keigo takami #bnha #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader

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kvngjoong · 4 years

Text

i’m drowning in you [bang chan]

→ chan x f!you, ceo!au, in which chan can’t find the true defintion of love , not until every other emotion is processed first → 7k+, it’s pretty yandere, not a great relationship (tw), mostly angst

“And he won’t find me?”

“No,” Changbin replies, leaning back against the counter, “not unless he’s got airport security scanning for your face. Who is it you’re running from? I’ll get Jeongin to run a check to see who he’s been in contact with.”

You bite your lip before replying. That was the question you had hoped to avoid. You breathe out slowly, knowing that it’s a question you can’t run from your entire life. “It’s, uh… Christopher Bang?”

“Chris Bang?” Changbin’s surprise is expected. Chan’s name was in lights for anyone to find, and most people knew who he was from the gossip that spread around Seoul. The young kid who made it big on his late father’s investments. “Damn, girl. You’ve got some important friends.”

a/n: relationships like this are not okay under any circumstances. this is not a healthy relationship and I am not in any way supporting relationships like this.

There was a time when things were, well, good.

Good as defined in the most simplest of terms; things were what were desired, by both parties, and things were enjoyed for what they were. Nothing more, nothing less. It could get better, and it probably did, but parlous memories always remain for longer than the ones which are enjoyed.

And the bad, it was far more disproportionate.

It all starts with the simplest of meetings, which was good by anyone’s terms. Not a handshake, but more than an exchange of something most precious to a person beyond their own soul.

“I’m Chris,” he says, extending out his hand for you to shake. Before you have any opportunity to return the formalised gesture, he retracts his hand and uses the other to scratch the back of his neck. “Sorry, uh… Chan. I’m Chris, but call me Chan. It’s nice to meet you.”

You smile, bowing your head slightly in return. “Nice to meet you too, Chan.”

“Are you free tonight?” His question comes a surprise, given you barely extended introduction and lack of a bond between the two of you. Still, you find something in the sweetest held in his gaze which makes you want to spend your time with him.

“Well…” You vaguely remember the plans you already had, knowing you were meant to meet up with your friend, Minho, to discuss his recent plans on an idea for a book he was planning. It’s soon forgotten when you see the hope in Chan’s eyes, begging for you to give him a chance at a future with you that it took him all of 20 seconds to create with you. “I can be, sure.”

It always takes time to truly know someone, and longer to understand them. The eyes can lie, as can their lips, their words and so much more but the soul never can.

“Were you followed?” Hyunjin asks, looking over to you from the driver’s seat. He shows his concern in his words by how he rushes them, knowing that danger was imminent and he was the only thing keeping you from your worst nightmare.

He was admirable. Always had been, always will be. He gave whatever he could to other people in the hopes that it would show how much he cherished them.

You knew he struggled with friends. They saw him as being bothersome, that his personality was too much to handle and that no matter what he did, the friends he had would move on from him since they found someone that had much more to offer. You’d never understood their reasoning; Hyunjin practiced nothing but offering a helping hand to those around him.

He was the first to listen when you said you needed help, and the last still at your side trying to do so.

“No.” You look in the wing mirror of the car for any familiar number plates, though you were far from Seoul at this point and you were sure if you were followed, none would be familiar to you anyway. “I checked, twice. No one followed me. I changed trains twice. I made sure to avoid cameras. No one is following me.”

Hyunjin hums, grip tightening on the steering wheel. His knuckles turn white for a moment, though he loosens as he lets out a breath. “Okay, good. You know he’ll be looking for you already.”

Unfortunately, it was a truth you were hoping not to accept at all.

He’ll be looking for you already.

Truth be told, he was likely looking for you five minutes after you left the house. Someone would have informed him that you left, they would have mentioned to him that they saw you leave the house with a bag bigger than what fit your phone and purse and he would have let himself be unnerved by what could have possibly happened.

You knew him all to well to assume that he was fine with such a simple ordeal. You’d say it’s been an hour now since you first left, and he’s likely got his men in each city looking for you already.

“I’m sorry, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin frowns, looking over to you again. “Why are you sorry?”

“That I brought this on you.” It hurt you to think that you took advantage of his humanity. His shoulder to cry on became one to lean on, and one to take from too. Your heart is heavy as you look up to him, thinking of all that could happen to him as a result of this, should he be found out as being involved. “You didn’t have to help me; I just don’t know what else to do.”

Hyunjin is discouraged by your words. He shakes his head, a typical eye roll following, knowing he could never convince you otherwise.

He knows better than anyone that you don’t see the seriousness of your situation, that you’ve swept it under the carpet this entire time and acted as though nothing is really that wrong. He recalls each time you’ve blown him off because you had something else to do, that a five minute phone call was all he had in the past three years.

He does his best to not worry you, offering the words you needed this entire time. “You don’t need to say sorry for that. If I didn’t want to help, we wouldn’t be friends. I’m just worried for you. I want to make sure you’re okay and that he doesn’t come near you again.”

✣✣✣

Being on the run was never going to be easy. Though, you weren’t entirely sure if you were on the run at all.

It had been two days. Two days of spending your time in your own head as Hyunjin got on with his day. His apartment in the outskirts of Seoul was nice. He didn’t share with anyone, he had a nice view, and he was away from anywhere you could be found.

You couldn’t leave his apartment, confined mostly to his bedroom that had a supply of water and food to last you until he got back from work, as well as his TV and Playstation that he let you use should you be bored.

No phone. No social media. Nothing of a life you once lived.

It was hard to accept that everything you knew was gone. Though part of you understood, the rest of you wished for nothing more than to the life you lived for so long. To have Woojin stand with you in the kitchen, teaching you about things you didn’t know as he cooked, to have Jisung call you to talk about whatever had been going on during the day, to have Felix explain his detest for whatever Chan had him doing as he sat with you on the sofa.

Nothing was the same, and truthfully, you felt lonely without the one who filled the majority of your time in your life.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

You look up from the book you’d been reading, catching eyes with the person you expected to see at this hour His blazer was likely ditched in the car on the way here, though his rolled up sleeves are a look you can’t deny enchantment from. “Chan.”

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot. You think that’s weird?”

Chan’s words carry more sentiment that you hold to them. When he says a lot, he doesn’t mean when he’s bored and there’s nothing else to be done. He means every decision he’s made in the days since he first met you has been solely based on you.

The colour of the designs he’s authorising, the timings of his meetings, even the clothes he wore each day.

He was worried he would bump into you, that you might not like something with his name on it, or that you’d call and you would want to do something with him.

You can see the relief wash over him when you shake your head as you close the book, placing in down on your lap. “No less than you think it is. Why were you thinking about me?”

“No reason.” Chan shrugs as he sits across from you. You admire his features for a moment. He’s a Heathcliff kind of character; a face you don’t forget. “Things that interest me tend to be on my mind a lot.”

You question his words with a frown. “I interest you?”

“No less than I interest you.”

That’s what he’d hope, anyway. He’d envision a universe where he was on your mind just as much as you were on his. That each passing though had a lingering residue of him washed over it.

If not now, then one day.

Chan eyes your book, noticing you’re almost finished with it, then looks back to your eyes. “The coffee you promised me before, you want it now?”

“Okay. I’ve got ten minutes.”

He has what he always wanted.

You can’t take a step without thinking about him. You won’t leave a room without checking to see if someone else is around you first. He’s the one thing on your mind this entire time.

You almost make a dash for the window when you hear the front door open, a bit more forceful than usual, though when you hear Hyunjin’s voice accompanied by another that he sounds responsive with, you tiptoe around to the bedroom door and search for who he trusts enough to see you when you’re on the run.

Hyunjin notices your coy movements and waves for you to come outside. You oblige, heading towards his sitting room and noticing another figure that accompanies the two of you. You’re relieved this time, noticing that the friend Hyunjin’s brought is most definitely not the type that would have a connection to a life you once lived.

“This is my friend Changbin,” Hyunjin tells you, “he makes fake passports and stuff. We’re gonna give you a new name, new identity, new everything.”

The boy, Changbin, nods in agreement, pulling his long sleeves up to reveal both his tattooed arms. “Hell yeah.”

You vaguely remember Hyunjin mentioning his friend that was a tattoo artist who offered to give him a free tattoo. Perhaps this is him. He seems pleasant enough with his replies for the two of them to be close. Changbin has a trustworthy face.

You’d like to blindly trust the pair of them, though trust had been something you often misplaced, even with the right intentions. “And he won’t find me?”

Hyunjin stops the conversation from going any further. He’s probably the reason you’ve still got your sanity. “That she’s running from. Can you sort out the passport and stuff? She needs out as soon as possible. I’ve got somewhere she can stay in Canada for a bit.”

“Yeah, I’ll get it done for tomorrow. Got any preferences on a name?”

You shake your head.

✣✣✣

It had become a habit of yours, checking around for the black Range Rovers that were all too familiar. The private plates, tinted windows; a sign of something you didn’t want.

Though you hated the silence of being alone, you hadn’t spoken to Hyunjin the entire drive. He was nervous for his own reasons, a target being placed on his head for knowing you altogether. He understood the risks, but never as well as you.

Would Chan do something to him if he was ever found out? Truthfully, yes, he would.

Because Chan would do anything to have you - not for you.

Hyunjin glances over to you and takes your attention away from the glove box which you’d been fixated on for a while. You look up to him expectantly, though he looks back to the road before you can catch whatever emotion he’s feeling.

“When you arrive, get Younghyun to text me. I want to know you got there safe. Changbin made sure your phone is being traced in Daegu. Jeongin says that he’s been following it, so hopefully that will get him off your back for a bit.”

“Okay, good.” You’re thankful to boy you never met, and to Changbin and Hyunjin. They’d taken a risk for you and it paid off. Whether Chan believed any of it is another story. He was smarter than any of them, you included. “Thank you, Hyunjin.”

Whenever you think you’re a step ahead of Chan, you’re actually four behind him.

Hyunjin shakes his head, resting his hand over yours which is on your thigh. “Don’t thank me. That’s what friends are for.”

“Then at least let me promise you food at some point in the future,” you tell him. You’re sure it’s an empty promise, knowing that Seoul wasn’t an option for you after this, though you hope at the very least to keep Hyunjin around you. He was a good friend, you valued that.

But again, he shakes his head, not expecting anything back from you. “Send me some postcards. Let me know you’re okay.”

Perhaps that was why you liked him. You had a habit for keeping those around you who wanted to give to you but never have anything in return. Like Chan, for example. He never expected his love to be returned, only to be noticed.

The end of the bed you’re sat on dips, taking your attention away from your laptop. You’d not been doing anything important, and Chan’s smile was enough to take you back to reality. He leans forward, placing his hand on your calf. “I was thinking.”

“You tend to do that a lot, Chan,” you return, shutting your laptop and placing it down beside you.

“It comes with the business,” Chan answers. He moves forward again, so that he’s sitting directly beside your hips. One hand moves to your cheek, tracing your features softly as you do the same with your eyes. “Do you want to come with me to Busan?”

You raise your eyebrow. “Busan?”

Chan pauses for a moment before giving you another answer. He expected a response along those lines, especially given that you weren’t dating, though you didn’t seem particularly warm to the idea. Nonetheless he smiles, nodding with contentment.

“I have to be there for some… shareholder meeting. I don’t particularly care for it, it’s just a formality. I was hoping you could be there so that I could have some company.”

Again, you’re not quick to jump on the opportunity. Chan doesn’t particularly understand why, one day he might see why. It doesn’t dawn on him that it’s the professional reasoning behind things that are preventing you from jumping at the opportunity. “Isn’t it Jisung who comes on these kind of things with you?”

“Can’t you enjoy a free trip with someone when they offer it?” Chan asks, refraining from rolling his eyes. Appear to love everything about you, and everything will be okay. It’s a mantra that he keeps for far too long.

Still, your heart is enticed by the idea of spending time with him. You nod, eliciting a wider smile from Chan, confirming a few moments later. “Alright, I’ll come.”

Perhaps you caused this all yourself.

You always said yes to him; no matter what he asked, no matter how much of a problem it might have been, no matter how many times both your heart and your head said no.

There was something about Chan that made you agree to everything.

Hearing the announcement on the speakers, you pull your sunglasses down onto your eyes, fixing the hat that Hyunjin had given you and making sure the mask covered all your features. Though your heart was beating quicker than you’d like it to, you manage to keep it steady enough to walk through the part of the airport that leads to the check-in desk.

The walk feels longer when you’re worried each man with a suit is after you. Though your head faces the ground, eyes avoiding others, you can’t help but check every so often that there isn’t someone following you.

The queue at the check in desk is short, much to your surprise. A few people are in front of you, each of them looking as though they are leaving the country for business. Though you stand out, your light wash jeans and Hyunjin’s jacket which practically swamps you both contributing to the high school student on the run from her parents look you had going on, everyone is too busy to pay attention to you.

No phone to distract you means you’re even more paranoid. The queue, to your fortune, moves quickly too, and within a few minutes you’re approaching the desk and removing your glasses and mask for the older lady to see your face.

She smiles at you, probably seeing a few thousand people a day and not giving a care for your intentions when travelling. It eases your feelings of paranoia just a touch. “Name?”

“Nam Jisoo.” You pat your pockets, looking for the passport Changbin had given you in the morning. “Sorry, one second.”

The lady smiles again, understanding that you have to look for your things. You find the one hundred dollars that Hyunjin had given you, so that you had money to buy food or whatever until you reached Canada. After a week or so, Changbin would do an anonymous transfer to Younghyun’s account with the money you had in your bank account.

Changbin had bought the ticket for you, too. You didn’t have any involvement in it all. You just knew what to say and when to say it. Changbin said it was better that way.

You eventually find your passport in the inside pocket and hand it over. Changbin had done a good job on it. You couldn’t find a difference between the fake and the real, not that you had your real one around, but compared to Hyunjin’s it looked real enough. You hoped that security wouldn’t be able to play spot the difference either. Hyunjin said that Changbin had a good rep and had gotten other people out of the country before, so you shouldn’t worry.

Not worrying is impossible when you’re staring at the face of someone who can decide your fate.

“Great, thank you.” The lady hands you back the passport with a paper ticket inside of it. You take it from her with a bow of your head as thanks. “Just head through security and your check in gate will be announced not too soon before your flight. Have a safe journey, enjoy your trip!”

You’d always told yourself not to get ahead of the game.

Never think that everything is going to be fine, because that’s when you start to make mistakes. It’s near impossible not to take a sigh of relief when you pass through security with ease, the metal detector not being set off, your bag completely fine, too. Within twenty minutes you’re walking through Duty Free, looking at the different perfumes for sale and make up which you used to buy with friends.

You feel… free.

Free to do whatever you want. You enjoy listening to a few friends bickering over the shades of lipsticks, you reveal in the merriment that comes from a couple who are buying sunglasses at the counter.

You don’t buy anything, though. You move on, only peeking at the packaging of items which catch your eyes. When you reach the departure hall, the only thing you know you want is a bottle of water that you can keep until you get on the plane. You head towards the store you know you can find some in pretty cheap, picking up a bottle and queueing to pay quietly.

It’s nice to speak with someone, without having a pair of eyes watching you over your shoulder. You must have seemed like a kid at Christmas, looking around the store like you’d never seen such a simplicity before.

You had, but you couldn’t remember the last time you were in a place like this on your own, picking up what interested you, even stopping to look at the magazines and picking one of those up too, only so you weren’t staring into space for the forty minutes until your gate was announced.

Once you pay, you return your glasses to your eyes and keep readjust your mask so that it covers your nose, too. You sling your bag over your shoulder and head towards the empty seats you can see next to the departure board, thinking it was best to sit near to there and be one of the first people to get to the gate.

You keep your eyes on the floor, as bad of an idea as that may be, hoping to avoid any unwelcome eye contact. It means you have some near misses with others, and eventually, you do clash shoulders with someone you didn’t notice was coming towards you.

Not wanting any animosity, you turn back to apologise to them but avoid looking at them directly. You notice they’re looking back at you and mentally roll your eyes at whoever was stuck up enough to want any apology. “Sorry.”

“You should be more careful with where you’re walking, baby girl.”

Your blood runs cold at the familiar voice. You look back again, this time meeting their eyes. Your heart skips a beat as his dark eyes become ever more infatuated with you, corners of his lips tugging into what he would still consider a smile. “Chan?”

“Did you think you could outsmart me?” His question isn’t one you can answer. You thought you could. You thought you had. Chan reaches for your arm, and like always, you let him take you into his grasp. He takes your sunglasses from your eyes, folding them and putting them in his own pocket. Your mask is pulled down next. Chan stops for a few moments to admire you, keep his veneration towards you apparent, as always. “Cute. Let’s go.”

✣✣✣

Chan’s hand rests over your arm, eyes not leaving you as your stare out onto the tarmac where the aeroplanes wait to leave. Every so often he’ll look off into the distance after you but then return to your eyes and get a tiny bit closer to taking what was left of your sanity.

He moves his arm to drape around your shoulders, shifting ever closer to you. He makes sure your leg is flush against his, using his index finger to pull your chin up and towards him. He’s merely a centimetre from you, enough for you to smell the faint scent of the breath mints he was using to cover up whatever alcohol had nursed him back to you.

You’re static, frozen in place as he leans in to press his lips to yours and show you his warmth, like he always wanted to. Just as his lips touch yours, you stop him, mumbling a final attempt at rejection. “Please, Chan.”

“Please what?” He sits back in his seat, shoulders tense. He rolls his eyes as he looks off into the distance, noticing a pair of eyes on the two of you. You follow his gaze to an older couple who are talking between themselves. Chan leans closer to you, whispering directly in your ear. “We’re going on vacation, like we were planning to. Don’t cause a scene in front of all these people. They know who I am, so they must realise who you are.”

“I have something to ask you.”

Chan distracts you from the paper you were reading, the words being lost as a flurry of questions he could ask you pop into your mind. You’d become accustomed to having the boy around you, his presence in your life almost permanent at this point. You nod, sending him an encouraging smile. “Shoot.”

“Okay,” Chan answers, rubbing his palms against his thighs, “do you want to be my girlfriend?”

You’d never have expected him to ask that, though.

Chan realises it was a surprise you when you meet his question with wide eyes, the paper in your hands placed down on his sofa. He’s expectant of an answer he wants, though he’d take the delay as time to admire you as he always does. He hopes your silence is a result of the surprise, too.

There’s a lingering thought that you might be hurting him by staying quiet for this long. You panic, considering that Chan might think this is a rejection. “Girlfriend?”

“Did you not expect me to ask?” Chan returns, pulling his blazer sleeves up a little. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Not under your circumstances,” you tell him. You recall a conversation you had with his assistant, Jisung, when you realised you were smitten with affection for the boy. Jisung had explained that dating was forbidden when you relied on girls to hope one day you would date them to sell things. “I thought you had to maintain a certain image to the public. Dating is off limits to you.”

Chan rolls his eyes, shrugging off a philosophy that he’d been told to keep by his father. It was never a promise, and for you, he would have broken it anyway. “Whatever Jisung told you, he’s wrong.”

“So you can date?”

“I can date you if I want to,” Chan says, “and I want to. So, is it a yes?”

No was a word you’d give him in an entirely dissimilar universe. There’s nothing you could have asked for that would beat the sight of Chan’s delight in you accepting his love for you. “It’s a yes, Chan.”

You turn back to him, again barely a centimetre from him. Part of you wants to fall into his arms and submit to him like usual. He was warm, he was comforting; he was home to you. The thought of leaving that all behind again becomes too much for you to handle, though the thought of Hyunjin and everyone else being involved in this reminds you to be strong for just a little longer.

You take a deep breath, placing your hand over his and removing if from your cheek. “Why don’t you let me leave?”

“Do you remember what I said to you before?” Chan intertwines his fingers with yours. A few more people are watching now. He’s cautious with his words and keeps them quiet. The pictures being snapped would imply you’re both so in love that no one else could disrupt you. “You’re always on my mind. I do appreciate your attempt to leave me, and I understand how much you went through just to get to the airport, but you underestimate me.”

“Chan…”

He cuts you off with a kiss. Every ounce of affection he’s felt this entire time is still poured into it; you’d have been exultant if you both reflected the same feelings. You try so hard to keep still, to not return to him, but you always give into him. He’s triumphant when your fingers reach the back of his neck, his kiss returned with something as simple as relaxing into what he was doing.

Oh, he is love-struck.

“I love you,” Chan says, soft expression shattering what remained of your heart. “I always have, and I always will. Yet you won’t return that and for what reason? For your friend, Hyunjin? I trusted you when you told me that he was just a friend, and yet he’s the reason you almost left the country.”

You shake your head. “I do love you, Chan. I do.”

“But you would still leave me.”

“Because…” You attempt look down to your lap but Chan drags your attention back to him. It would seem like a gesture of admiration, and it probably was meant to be taken that way in his head, but Chan can’t stand the thought of something else that takes your attention. Even something as non-sensical as an inanimate object. So you’re honest, for the first time in a while, and you wait for the impending woe that follows. “I’m drowning in you, Chan. I need something other than you.”

✣✣✣

Of course he knew someone. Chan knew everyone.

One look at the right person and he’d organised a room for the two of you to talk privately in. From what you heard, he blamed it on your headache from there being so many people around and the lights being too bright. The airport, contracted with his company in whatever way, were the first to comply to his request and gave him a room away from everyone else.

For you to stare at him from the other side of the table.

For you to wish that you’d have just carried on walking instead of apologising.

For you to wish that you’d have never said yes when he so kindly asked for you to go to dinner with him, and coffee, and Busan, and finally to be his girlfriend.

He taps his fingers on the table as he waits for you to speak. He knows it takes time. He watches you closely, ready to pounce should you try to run from him again.

Because this is his mistake – he could have prevented you from leaving if he kept a better eye on you, if he hadn’t have gone to the meeting he had that morning, if he would have just put his life on hold for you.

“There’s something you need to attend with me.”

Chan places his fork down, waiting for you to do the same. When you look up to him and nod, he still waits for you to confirm it verbally. “What is it?”

“Annual dinner with my shareholders.” Chan seems nervous. He doesn’t usually fiddle with his sleeves, but the hem cuff of his sleeve gets tugged on more times than it has done before. Eventually he pops the cufflink, a gift from his grandfather, and places it down on the table, rolling up each sleeve in turn. “We can leave after two hours, check into our hotel room and spend the rest of the night doing whatever we want.”

Whether you understood business or not, you knew that his shareholders weren’t the biggest fan of him. They were there for his father. Jisung had explained that Chan had always tried to win them over when you were waiting for him one evening. “You should probably stay for longer than two hours. They’re the reason you’re making money.”

“Did I mention it’s a top floor suite?” Chan says, trying to win you over.

It may just have worked. You’d not been in one before. “Really?”

“I don’t just have nice houses and expensive cars. It has an amazing view, and I’d like to share that with you.”

Because he’d shared everything else in his life with you already, and he was worried he’d run out of things to keep you interested.

If only he’d realised it was him that kept you the entire time. “Of course I’ll come with you.”

Chan doesn’t see an end to your silence, so he takes things into his own hands. You’re not scared of him, you’re scared of what he could do if he wanted. When he stands from his chair and walks around to you, taking the seat opposite to you and twisting it around so he’s staring right at you, the one thing you’re worried about is what happens next.

“Something other than me?” He says, repeating your words from earlier. They seem to be troubling him. You don’t react, instead looking as far into his eyes as you can. “You don’t understand my love for you?”

Again, you don’t answer. Instead, you sit forward so your knees are between his thighs and reach up to his cheek. Your thumb traces over his skin gently. It’s then you notice how tired he looked, his under eyes featuring a blue tint and lips a paler pink than the usual cerise. “I want us to be happy, Chan.”

“We were happy,” he says, voice sotto voce, “and you left.”

You find that your honesty is working. A hint of sentiment from Chan and you’re a cascade of veracities. “I wasn’t happy.”

“What do you mean?” he asks, reaching for your hand.

You’d heard it enough times to know how something like that would hurt him.

“All I want is for you to be happy,” he says, arms around your waist. Your head is on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat grounding you in a way meditation never could. “I would do anything for you.”

“You suffocate me,” you continue, clasping his hands, “I need friends, I need a life outside you. Please, Chan. You have to understand. You stopped me from leaving the house. You restricted my calls. You made sure the only thing in my life was you.”

“Because I’m all that you need!”

Chan changes so abruptly. You don’t flinch at his outburst, the shrill words offering nothing but a reason to stay.

Because he’s right.

Why would you need anything else, when all that you want is right in front of you?

“You’re scared of love, baby. It’s fine. I understand. I was too, but I learnt to accept it for you. We could be so happy. You just have to love me.”

✣✣✣

The silence between the two of you exists for far longer than you needed. You want Chan to talk, likewise he wants you to say the first word. It works like that. You’re both scared. You’re both in love. You both want nothing more than to be happy with one another.

So you break it, like you always do. You distance yourself from him just a little more, sitting back against the chair and making sure he realises that you have a say in this, too. “You’re not listening to me, Chan.”

“I am,” Chan returns, ready on his words like he was waiting this entire time and you said exactly what he expected. He hums to himself, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He scoffs, mostly to himself, fingers running through his unwashed hair to keep it out of his face. “It’s loud and clear, baby girl.”

He concedes in a fashion you never expected. Though he avoids your eyes, you shift forward, sitting closer to him once again. “Then you know what I’m saying. You understand what I mean?”

Chan hums. He waits for a moment before he looks up to you, unsure of how he approaches such a delicate subject. At least, that’s what you think.

You think you’ve signalled an end to a life that Chan made you live, that he would let you leave and give you some time.

You must have forgotten who Chan was.

He nods once, treating you no differently to a business deal that would be his when he wanted it. “Of course. That’s why I’m going to offer you a choice.”

“Don’t be mad at me, okay?”

Your coffee break is interrupted by Chan, thought that really has become a norm for you now. You look up to him, placing your cup on a coaster, surprised with his choice of words. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because I did something you won’t be happy with.” Chan reaches into his pocket, pulling out a set of keys which aren’t accompanied by any keyrings that he was fond of, or car keys for that matter. He passes them to you, smile on his face as he reveals to you what they are. “Here are the keys to our new apartment. Congratulations on moving in with me.”

You raise your brows at his words. “New?”

“You think I wouldn’t get a new one for us? You don’t know me at all.”

“I liked your old place.” You look from the shining set of keys, up to Chan, reaching out for his hands. You take one with your free hand, holding it tighter than you would have before. “We have a lot of memories there.”

Chan shrugs. His carefree attitude meant he had a plan in his mind that you weren’t informed of. Always thinking ahead. Always four steps ahead. “Don’t you want to create new ones?”

“Depends. What kind of memories?”

Chan leans forward, a single chaste kiss to your lips. “Well, there’s a walk-in shower, a comfortable kitchen counter, and some sturdy coffee tables.”

You don’t let him go, reaching for the collar of his shirt to keep his lips on yours. Once satisfied, the taste of him all over you, you let him go. He laughs to himself, pushing your loose hair from your eyes.

Why would it the location of a house matter when he was your home?

“Then who am I to say no, Chan?”

Chan takes your hands in his, never letting your gaze break from his. He pulls you closer, not too close to take away from his evident aggravation, though enough for you to understand the pretences to his actions.

He hums before he speaks, confirming his decision to himself. “You leave here with me, and we make things work. We go home, we sort out our problems. You take your ring back, and we set a date for the wedding.”

You can see the outline of the ring in his top pocket now that you’re looking for it. An expensive way to ensure you were his forever. You would have accepted a promise, but for him it made sense to get you more than just words.

You nod, shy to speak before you hear what else he had in store for you. His touch becomes stronger as you relax, as though he’s afraid you’ll slip away from him when he needed you the most.

“Or, you leave on the plane to Canada.”

“I stay or I leave?” you ask, waiting for him to confirm, “you want me to choose?”

Chan nods, letting go of you. “You always had the choice.”

“Do you remember how we met?” Chan asks, hand holding yours as you walk through the dimly lit garden.

You hum, recalling when you first laid eyes on your boyfriend. You wouldn’t admit that you’d been watching him when he first walked in, his entire presence attracting you. You wouldn’t admit that you met because you’d both been staring at each other for a bit too long and he was brave enough to approach you. “You couldn’t pick a name to give me.”

“For the record, I gave you both of my names because I didn’t want you to use Chris and I didn’t want you to think I lied to you.”

You lean into him just a little, watching as the lights twinkle in his eyes. “That implies you saw something happening between us.”

There’s a touch of hope that still resides within him, though you realise that hope isn’t what motivates him right now. You watch as he crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair. “You were the one who always went in my favour.”

You can see how his eyes change. They get darker. Suddenly, the what happens next is approaching and you realise that there’s one thing Chan always gets.

“What, do you not believe in love at first sight?” Chan asks, stopping as he turns to you.

“Maybe.”

“Just maybe?” Chan seems insulted yet keeps his touches playful. As he reaches for your cheek, you’re reminded of how monotonous things were without him. “I knew when I looked at you that I found the one I’ve been looking for this whole time.”

His words remind you of all the things he says to you when he thinks you’re sleeping. When you’re in his arms, when you’re done with talking and you just want to listen, and he tells you all of his dreams and how they match the path the stars were leaving for him.

You’re reminded that Chan saw you as home, too. “I saw a future with you from the very beginning. A good one, at that.”

“It’s been better than good, Chan.”

“You think?”

You hum, nodding in response. “I know.”

“Just know that, no matter which one you pick…”

Chan drags out his words as he reaches forward for you, standing though never actually approaching you. You never leave home. You never actually find a way to say your goodbyes to a place that means so much to you.

“Then marry me.”

Your expression drops as you look up from his hands that you have splayed on his chest. This time, you’re repeating his words to make sure that he’s not saying something so outrageous that you can’t imagine it to be true. “Marry you?”

“The better than good future, make it a reality and make it fixed.” Chan brings your hand to his lips, kissing the back your hand gently before he drops it back down to your side. “I love you more than anyone else could. When I look at you, I see nothing but perfection and I’m… I’m scared to lose you. So marry me and make me the happiest person to ever have existed.”

He always gets what he wants.

You were no exception to that.

“You’ll be with me in the end.”

“Yes, Chan.”

#chan reactions #chan scenarios #chan smut #chan imagines #stray kids smut #stray kids reaction #stray kids scenario #stray kids imagine #stray kids

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common-blackbird · 4 years

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I’m not good with gaming and i never really imagined myself finishing any game, so this was a whole new experience for me... I really sucked. At one point i remember even crying when i just couldn’t fight smth. I hate asking for help (i’m infinitely grateful for it), or even looking “how to do this” bc i feel like i cheat, while when i just can’t beat smth in the game it makes me feel dumb. But i learned that usually happens bc i’ve been playing for too long.

So where to start.... The thing i liked most is the lore. Not just the content of it (which is very entertaining) but also the way it’s portrayed: through conversations, through various notes you find around, and it’s not just “well this is how it is” but rather sometimes contradictory claims that reflect different cultures. I love how you only ever see one country, but hear a lot about the others (well mostly Orlais, but there are tidbits from other countries as well), but also various cultures. I also love how the complex situation is in the game. The question of mages, the repression of elves, the dwarves and their culture, the question of religion.

The game is really good at setting the moral ambiguity and make you have hard choices. Once you realise there’s a pattern it does get easier, but some just make you wonder a lot what is the better choice.

While we’re at it let me talk some quests and decicions.

Free the elves?

So the easiest choice (though i don’t really think there was much of choosing) is the elves-slavery in denerim. Free elves, free citizens, i don’t even understand how did they get to be second-class citizens (or maybe i just forgot, i’ look it up), but they literally did nothing wrong, aren’t dangerous and frankly, there’s so much wilds in ferelden, i don’t see what’s the problem. However, though i don’t know if that was implied, if you go strictly against slavery, but this was a deal made between ferelden and tevinter, you risk a decline in diplomatic relationship as well as economy i assume, so it could be a setback. But again, if you have free citizens elves that are not just piled in one place, you can freshen up your own economy with capable workers. Like, even if you regret breaking a relationship with tevinter (that doesn’t even happen but i was thinking about it at the time), and the elves riot and go against you once you do give them freedom bc lot of bad history between ferelden and elves i guess, it’s still a morally & practically easy choice.

Free the mages?

This was... hmm... mage rights... I LOVE how they went about this problem. So the mages are problematic bc doing magic also means you can get posessed by a demon which results in a catstrophe (like that kid that demolished redcliffe). So they’re locked into a circle tower where they are trained and have a rigorous discipline and are under the watch of templars who might kill them if they try to escape? Mages who actually do escape the tower get hunted down and are forced back, or they get killed, especially if they attempt the bloodmagic (immoral dangerous magic practice?).

It’s kind of obvious that the game leans more to the mage rights (i mean, i wish there was a more memorable templar who isn’t like “mages are bad” by default, but they are kinda trained that way. tbh i just wish we had more templars...). At first, the only mage (other than that one in ostagar) you acutally meet is morrigan, who... who is not a very good example of “why people think mages are bad”. She’s cool, she handles magic really good, yeah she seems to be against the world, but what can you exepect when templars would kill her on sight? Even when alistair is constantly suspecting her, he’s basing that on her being a mage, and not on her saying really creepy immoral stuff. So initially i was all for mage rights. Then things didn’t really help much in the circle tower bc all templars were for just killing all the mages bc things got out of hands. Retrospectively i get where they’re coming from, but still, they seemed really incapable at the time. But then i met wynne, and she told me her backstory. And what really stuck with me is that

1) they find out she’s a mage bc she set someone on fire = mages are dangerous

2) while one templar ignored her completely, the other templar that brought her to the tower was nice to her and carried her on his shoulder (which is very cute) = templars don’t have to be so antagonistic towards mages and

3) the circle tower does not only protect the people from mages, but also the mages from people, bc people are bigoted and scared and will kill a mage = a social/cultural problem.

In any case, i feel like simply freeing mages just like that would turn out to be a terrible mistake bc they are kinda walking time-bombs and they’d be ostracized from society which would make them turn desperate bc no protection, then you get easily corruptible, and so it brings lot of trouble. That being said, obviously, it’s bad to keep people locked up in a tower for life. So i guess i’m more for reforming the circle with mages being treated as humans and not walking time-bombs, templars not being taught to be antagonistic towards mages, but rather their partners(?) bodyguards(?), mages having right to employment once they prove they’re capable of handling magic well, and if needed take one templar with them so people can feel safe. The Circle is already institution made for the rights for the mages, it just needs a lot of work on it. Idk. there wasn’t much of the ~what’s it like to live in the circle~ since you walk into a disaster, so i don’t want to be all in for the mages or all against the mages. I’m a dwarf. Magic is domain i don’t bother to understand.

Orzammar social problems

Tradition vs. reform, at the cost of a monarch or a dictator. That was actually a really easy choice if you’re playing a dwarf. If i played a noble dwarf, i’d defintely choose Harrowmont bc he’s 1) nicer, 2) looks more capable, 3) doesn’t seem that powerhungry. But this also means that current system based on castes. Equality is not even a myth there, it’s an apocalyptic outlook. Which takes another form of a bad side when you have the ostracized casteless dwarves, stripped of all rights and treated like dirt (and that was my warden). So, harrowmont is the safe choice for a current state. Nobody really cares who’s on the throne bc nobody expects the system to change. But if you choose Behlen for a king (who’s accused of murdering his father), you get a reformist who is open to including the casteless in some form into the system. As canon fodder. Despite the grim outlook of being used as a canon fodder, it does open a possibility of upping your status based on the merits. The paragon system is already such a leeway to better your status (bc if you do something outstanding that the drawves, you are revered as a god), but it’s virtually impossible to do something of that scale as a casteless (unless you.. finish the game). On the other hand if you choose Behlen, it’s pretty obvious he’s powerhungry dictator. But i chose behlen bc my sister was his concubine and prospect of including casteless in any form would be a good offer for a casteless dwarf.

Kill/let the mother kill the child or do this bloodmagic-not-so-bloodmagic(?) ritual to save him?

Ah, my disaster. So, of course, i wanted to help the kid, and when the bloodmage said there’s a ritual that can be performed, i just needed to get other mages there, i chose that, i went to the circle tower, i did the whole damn mission there, got back to the kid and, like the fool i am, went straight to the boy instead of talking first to mages, which resulted in me alone dealing with him, which resulted in me making his mother kill him, get yelled on by alistair and there’s no option “it was on accident” to say to him (which frankly would be a terrible thing to say), and then he starts putting himself down bc now my warden is trying to justify herself, which is another level of misery bc i’m fighting a really nice guy who hates children being killed and feels bad that he’s angry about that. anyways, that was a mess from start to finish.

speaking of other messes,

Haven village mission

well, there’s no hard choice in this mission, it’s “side with fanatics who worship a dragon or be reasonable and find the urn”. (i do wonder what do you get from siding with fanatics now). but this mission was such a rollercoaster for me. I did everything backwards. You come into this creepy little isolated village where nobody likes you and they are some kind of fanatics of older gods. So it turns out that first you’re supposed to walk into one house and find a corpse there, which i totally overlooked so instead i killed the merchant in the village, went to the church, killed everyone there, then went out and killed everyone in the village, i found genitivi (a researcher who got captured there), but i still couldn’t finish the mission until i got into that villagers house and saw the corpse that was supposed to be my first inkling of supicion for the village. So the whole storyline didn’t make any sense. And later, when i was supposed to walk humbly to the urn, i was supposed to first leave all my belongings on an oltair, so i did, but didn’t realise i was actually supposed to do that so i took them back and then i couldn’t put them back again on the altair, so i had to fight that guard there and died lol. I hated every part of that mission. it was creepy, hard and i’m lucky i didn’t smash the urn in the end.

The werewolf problem

That one was easy, like, the whole problem of werewolves is bc the head elf lives for too long and there’s nothing so fitting as holding grudges for eternity which endangers the whole clan. I have only one complaint and that is my god the forest is confusing. Each time i go into the forest i get lost.

The golem quest was fun bc that end with Shale randomly killing a chicken always gets me. I love it. Return to ostagar was on the other hand very uneventful for me, but i did see a video with what banter you have if you have wynne and loghain in your party and it’s really intense how wynne keeps attacking him.

Random thought, but today i watched this video about dragon age origins and the guy said that mages are best for combats bc they can do most damage in range, which is probably true, but tbh most of the time for me it was usually the mage who dies in the battle. Morrigan is super useful for attacks, and Wynne for defense, but they’re both as frail as daisies and i’m left with low-stamina melee fighters. And that happens when you’re fighting an archdemon. You’re crying as you drink your last health poultice. You wish you brought wynne. But wynne had been dying just as often, which renders her power of revival pretty useless.

And now, the characters. Lets start humbly with my own.

This game made me realise i’m bad at roleplaying. I scroll through tumblr and see how people just love the character they’ve created and they are so cool and seem so interesting. Me? let me show how i create my character: i don’t like using magic bc magic is often complicated so mage is out of the question. warriors are usually strong so i can’t relate, so i’ll be a rouge and talk people into doing the dirty work for me. i loved elves so fiercly as a kid i got fed up with them and can’t stand them so i’ll not be an elf, but humans seem boring so i’ll be a dwarf. After all i’m short, i can relate. Bonus points, they are imune to magic. Since i’m casteless, i decided to look ugly (i’ve been told my warden looks like the crying cat meme). In the end, compared to the rest of my warden’s family, she looked like an adopted child. At the beginning i had the idea that i would make this character grow from “in it for herself” to “a hero” bc it’s a typical hero story anyway, but in the end it was just a self insert with really dumb mistakes who doesn’t get what she’s signed up to. I guess it’s easier to actually make interesting characters once you already know the stories and the choices so it’s easier to choose according to the characterisation you make and not “what if i screw up?”.

Alistair

So after you get chosen by Duncan (a cool honorable guywho gives you chance to make something of your casteless self and then makes you drink poison), the first guy you meet is alistair - a fellow grey warden who used to train to be a templar (which is as far as we go in meeting templars) and happens to be a king’s bastard son. He is dorky, funny, a genuinely nice person and on level of insecurity that even surpasses mine. He’s impossible to dislike. What i really like about the characters is that they’re super simple, which makes them both their charm and their annoying trait. for example, he often puts himself down, which i relate and am symphatetic and am all “nah you’re really nice”, but the next time he does that i’m “mate, you gotta stop doing that”. But it’s still kinda cute.

What did irk me throughout the game is him being my senior, but making me the leader. I literally pass the test 1 day before everybody gets killed and he is the only grey warden who knows what grey wardens do. Not only that, he’s like the only guy with me at the beginning who knows where’s what and knows the culture. I’m a friggin dwarf who is afraid that i’ll fall into the sky, have no interest to get myself killed, but now i’m a leader. But that’s not even the issue, bc i am already the main character. The problem is when every character in the game acts as if i’m the only surviving grey warden when alistair is right there. “Only you can do that, oh you’re a grey warden”. Alistair knows more about grey wardens than i ever will. I wish they just mention “can either of you two”. It’s like he doesn’t exist lol. I didn’t take him often to missions and pretended he’s doing some grey warden business i know nothing about. The only character who makes sense to completely ignore alistair as a grey warden is anora. But whatever, he doesn’t want any spotlight, so i guess he’s happy being considered “that sidekick grey warden”. Even as frustrating as it was, i really liked his avoiding of responsibility whatsoever and his low confidence, it really makes room for character growth.

Dog

the best character in da:o.

Morrigan

She’s obviously a polar opposite to alistair - overconfident, kind of mean, kind of selfish, her jokes are mean. I mean, when i imagine alistair i imagine a dog, when i imagine morrigan, that’s a cat. And while as a person i don’t really like her that much, but her dynamics with other characters are really fun. What really made me love her is that mystery “is she evil or not”, ( which I guess she’s not considering she’s still a buddy in later games(?)), but combined with her relationship with flemeth who also might or might not be evil. she keeps opposing her mother while being compliant to her. She does what flemeth asks bc she knows that flemeth is more powerful. It makes you wonder how terrible her upbringing was if you’re certain your mom has some fishy plans in which you might get killed in the process. But instead of just running away and doing exactly the opposite of what flemeth commands, even after hearing she’s dead, she still goes on with flemeth’s idea, so i’m guessing she just wants the demon baby for herself(?). In any case, her (justified?) paranoia with flemeth makes her really compelling.

SPEAKING OF DEMON BABY, turns out the reason flemeth saved the warden and alistair was so that the warden could convince alistair to have sex with morrigan. which means that if the warden is a guy, and let us assume a straight guy, she’s counting on at least 50% chance of the male straight guy hating morrigan so much he would sooner convince the other guy who definitely hates morrigan to have sex with her than doing it himself. Yikes.

Sten

Sten is a character you respect. Some things he said really resonated with me and it made me think a lot. His regret over killing that family totally flew over me at that time (bc zevran was talking his head off how he killed this guy and that guy so who cares about sten killing some family, i’m already going to hell for tolerating assassins and making a mother kill her child), but later it was quite peculiar that he’s so ready to kill me and he’s pretty ruthless at everything he does, so you’d think this big guy has no problem getting over this. His regret made me more interested in his culture and his rigorous honour-code. I’d really love to see Par Vollen. At the end i even told him i was going to be joining him on his way back to Par Vollen (i wanted a new character for awakening), but that didn’t work out sadly :(

Leliana

I think most endearing part of Leliana is that she truly seems to believe all the right things, even though you’re made suspicious considering she was (or is?) a spy. That woman talks so much. And she’s always in the right. Always. Making a spy become a hardcore believer in god is cool, bc i always doubt her. She knows her way with words, she always says what you want/need to hear. Of course she would be playing a religious girl if that meant she could convince me that she’s harmless. But it’s also fun that she truly believes it and has a hard time convincing you that considering you keep doubting everything she says. I really like her.

Zevran

I was really surprised when i saw that Zevran is a fan-favourite. I guess it’s that he has a tragic-slave-turned-assassin backstory. I... am completely indifferent towards him. I’m sorry. He was just that one bisexual hedonist assassin who happens to have been a slave long time ago. I guess, by the time i got his backstory, i was already immune to angst... But thinking back, i really like that he’s the bad guy in his backstory, he’s the one doing betraying, while leliana for example got betrayed. And i’m a little bit sad that all he learned from that episode was that assassins are expandable, while, when you look at it, he fails to realise everybody in antiva is expendable. That’s a really crazy country right there. I mean, he’s killing people right and left, and never really thinks back about them. Even if he doesn’t like to do it (which he never really said he does, but it’s not like he had a choice so let’s give a benefit of the doubt), he never really thinks about his victims. The only thing that made him realise that he was expandable was his killing of his partner/lover. (or if he figured that out, i didn’t notice it). But yeah, bragging about sex and death doesn’t do it for me i guess. I did love his banters with Wynne. You can see how she’s trying to get him to open up, to see that there’s more to him than a hedonist, and she just giving up every time when he makes it about sex.

Wynne

Wynne is my top 3 faves. She’s also the reason i’m not against the Circle. Before i met her, i was all “yeah mages should be free and don’t need any control” bc there’s just morrigan and a bad case of not-taking-care-of-your-child-mage posession thing. But then Wynne starts talking about her life in the circle and you see that it’s not just “we hate mages so we keep them imprisoned”. You see that learning magic is hard (morrigan makes it look easy, ok?) and disaster can happen in a blink of an eye. And you find out how flawed she was, and it feels like she really learned from her experiences. And she’s so openminded and genuinely nice, typical granma-mentor-character. Best human in the camp.

Shale

Another one of my top 3 faves. Shale won me over the moment they murdered that poor chicken. I love having shale in my missions, they’re useful, they’re snappy, they’re perfect. And finding out that shale used to be shayle, a dwarf noble who willingly became a golem was one of my fave missions. I was so focused on the myth & legend of branka, that shale took me by surprise. And imagining a dwarf lady with shale’s personality makes me want to go back in time and meet shayle ;__;

Oghren

He’s pretty much like zevran: i like him, but too many alcoholic-jokes. Out of all characters, he looks like the biggest comic-relief. I like how insanely loyal he is. And I liked being his wingman x)

Loghain

I really like him. I shouldn’t like him as much as i do. i wish he could have been in a party earlier or without alistair-walking-out consequences. You start seeing that he’s not just a bad guy when you see that he’s always sad there when anora is scolding him. And I really loved that anecdote with him ruining every rose he touches so he found a rose and brought it home himself. Awww. If he didn’t order me executed at sight, i’d be his best friend. His paranoia (or justified fear?) of orlesian invasion made him do lot of political mistakes, but you can see he has good intentions. He’s not a bad guy. And he’s really clever. But also i will never understand how he didn’t get rid of Rendon Howe.

I’m so conflicted over him abandoning Cailan. I hated cailan, but to him, cailan was almost flesh and blood(?) I mean, he’s everything that’s left of two people he loved so abandoning him must have been terrible. I’m still trying to wrap my head around why he would go to that length to betray cailan rather than forcefully take him back by the means of drugging him and carrying him back to denerim. Maybe cailan was so problematic with his ideals before and this was just one decision too much. But then again, loghain was dealing with idealistic maric since forever. I don’t know. He’s just such a compelling character to me. I wouldn’t recruit him storywise bc i feel like his time was over. He had to die there. you know how in stories, the hero can’t live too long, bc there is no being the hero the second time. They’re always tragic. And since he attempted to be the hero again, he had to pay the price and become a villain. And he needs to tragically die. Which makes him more memorable than saint marric.

Also i watched a video with what happens if you go back to ostagar with loghain and wynne and it’s whoa... wynne is merciless with her attacks on loghain.

Anora

MY QUEEN. I was debating a lot whether alistair should be a king or not and then anora showed up and everything became clear. She’s such an amazing person. You can see her as righteous, as powerhungry, as manipulator, as terrible or wonderful and all of that would be true. She’s ready to do everything to keep that throne. You can see she loves her father, but she is going against him and is relying on your mercy for his life, and accepts his death so quickly. She implies that, while she did love cailan, her marriage was arranged and her husband an idealistic fool and she’s not surprised how he ended up. And sure, she’s telling you all you want to hear: that she loved him, that she was warning him about what his idealism will get him to, but can you really trust her? Especially with cailan’s correspondence between arl eamon, where eamon is trying to get rid of anora, and empress celene, who’s suspicious to say the least. I could easily imagine she did not warn, but support cailan in his idealistic views bc he hinders her rule with his blind idealism. I could just as easily accept that she truly did love him, and she did warn him, but alas, her husband is a fool. Everyone is against her in the game, and if i didn’t get her to win that throne after everything she’s done to get it, it would just be sad to watch. which brings me to the mission:

Choosing a ruler

Anora proved more than anyone that she’s the best candidate. Setting alistair on that throne would feel so ungrateful, he had no agency whatsoever in becoming a king and if i married him to anora, then i’d just get another pawn in her - or eamon’s - hands bc it’s obvious who’s playing the game here. I’d feel bad for alistair. He should get his own development based by his own merits rather than ~king’s blood~. Also with setting him on the throne you change nothing bc he can’t have kids anyway (unless you count the demon baby which would get this to another level of really messed up succession stories), and anora (according to eamon) seems to not be able to have kids(?) so they’re basically the same. Also, anora has unlimited time to rule, while alistair will die in what like, 10 years? and what then? Morrigan becomes queen regent bc she’s the baby-demon’s mother? That’s a disaster. And anora is right when she says that setting up a grey warden after they’ve been proclaimed enemies of the state only makes it look bad. I have learned that grey wardens, it turns out, are very political, but i just didn’t want to be. Also, alistair devotion was literally never towards marric and only for duncan. He even kills Loghain for duncan, and not for cailan. I really like anora being a queen. I know i can’t count on her bc she is ruthless like loghain, but also loyal only to the kingdom. It feels like, that’s the only thing she got to choose in her life and she’s willing to sacrifice everything for it. And that makes her a good ruler.

the ritual

oh man. that was... awkward. I knew it was gonna happen but... you know what i think? Sure, flemeth told morrigan what she’s gotta do, but, i doubt morrigan really knew what she’s getting into. I know the kid is a normal kid in the end, but i like to think that at the time, morrigan had no idea whatsoever what is this ritual going to turn up with. First, this this ritual feels like a fanservice. Second, on the matter of dub-con, i’ve seen a lot of people saying that alistair was non-con and morrigan is... a bitch? i thought about it and all i saw was this: your mom, whom you hate and are convinced she’s going to kill you one day, tells you you’re going to have a sex with a guy you don’t know, who hates you, and have his child, and you probably don’t want children, who will definitely be possessed with a god-spirit-thing. So, you got two choices, while you’re traveling with your merry band: you won’t do it or you do it for yourself. So i guess morrigan saw an opportunity and decided to go along with it, but use it against flemeth. Which is a really sad thing bc the moment she decides to have the baby for the power for whatever reason, she is basically becoming flemeth herself (or at least her idea of flemeth: someone who uses children for her own gains instead of loving them). So knowing that, i can’t see morrigan being a bitch either way for deciding to take the ritual. She definitely doesn’t like alistair after all, and she’s becoming the person she hates the most + she acts like she doesn’t care about anything, but she also wants to save the warden. So yeah, i definitely went overboard with this, but i don’t see morrigan enjoying the ritual.

I do wonder what she’s planning to do with the demon baby tho. or how terrible is she at raising a baby. I mean, her tolerance and patience levels are really low. I also wonder whether she’s right to be wary of flemeth or is she only paranoid. Flemeth seems like much wiser and sees morrigan as a kid with her paranoia. She pretty much dominates. I would love both morrigan being totally off the track with her suspicious about flemeth and her being right to be wary of flemeth.

So yeah, that was a huge ramble. If you made it this far then i bow to you. Idk where i was going with this... i just wanted to get out my thoughts and have it in one place. I probably said bunch of things wrong and misinterpreted the characters, made typos, forgot to say bunch of other things so, sorry for that. i’m a newb. But i loved it! It made me go into fantasy mood.

#i'm just rambling about dragon age #and it's really long and i don't say anything interesting

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dimensionwriter · 5 years

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Deadliest Friend

Gender Neutral Monster x Genderless Reader

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I don't know why I've been struggling to write lately. I would start something and struggle to finish it. So, I apologize of this doesn't reach the standard. I just wanted to try to write SOMETHING to try to break this writer block. So, enjoy.

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You're use to a lot of things happening in your life. But sometimes, something just wear you out completly. A great example will be this week you just had.

It started off Sunday with you simply going down to the bakery to get something nice to eat on a lovely afternoon. When this old woman decided to crossed the road without looking both ways. And guess what happen to be speeding down the road? A tiny kitten, nah. More like a 18 wheeler carrying stacks and stacks of logs. In a moment of blind panic, you ran within an inch of you life and shoved the woman out of the way. The two of you crashed down on the side walk as the 18 wheeler sped past.

Even in your dazed state, you felt proud that you saved someone life. But that feeling quickly vanished when she started beating you with her cane while screaming at you to get off her. She then proceeded to walk away while grumbling how she's lived through more wars that you could count and how she was perfectly able to help herself. Not a single thank you came out of her mouth.

Then Monday came and your phone somehow died in the middle of the night, while still being plugged in. Meaning, not a single lovely melody drifted from your phone to wake you from your peaceful slumber. So when you woke up with the sun blazing through your window, you knew you messed up.

You proceed to do the entire olympic course within your house as you got ready for work, not even grabbing breakfast or lunch. You barely had a shoe on when you exited your house, it wasn't the time to think about food. But two hours in your job made you wonder if it would be okay to eat your shoe from how hard your stomach was trying to digest itself.

Tuesday was pretty decent, well, except for your closet's railing deciding to snap in the middle of the night waking you up into a fearful frantic state. You couldn't call in becuase it was late at night, so that was something future you was going to have to worry about.

Wednesday was the defintion of hell on earth. Your phone had died completely, not just the battery. Your phone didn't respond to any thing, only showing a cracked black glossy screen that reflected how much of a mess you were. So you had to drive to your cellphone company to get a new one. And then call up your residence manager to send someone over to fix the poles in your closet. You tried not to think about your piles of clothes laying everywhere on the ground.

Thursday was a little better with only all you electricity in your house being cut off. There was a storm that apparently happen during the night that knocked out all of the electricity in only one house, yours. You had to navigate your house with a flashlight and the sight of a blind person.

And all that leads up to today, Friday. You had the day off since the repair people should be coming over to fix the railing later in the afternoon. And your lights should be back on by night time, hopefully if nothing else goes wrong.

With rough sandy texture under your fingers, you slowly flipped through novel, soaking up each word. Your house was lit up from the multiple of candles you have recieved as gift during the holiday from coworker who barely knew you. But as a bonus, your house smell absolutely divine.

"….." You stopped reading to look up around at the living room you were in. It sounded like something was mumbling to you. "…turn.."

You felt chills go down your back as you were able to make out a single word out of the mumbling around you. "Turn?" You asked into the open air with a small hope that nothing would respond back to you.

"The page," it whispered in your ear. You spun your head around to see nothing but shadows. You thought it was the shadows from the candle light, but some of it remain unmoved.

"Who are you?" You asked slamming the book shut, just in case you would have to run as fast as you could out of your door. This week just had to get worse, didn't it.

"I am the beginning of the end. I am the face you see in your last breath. I am-" you cut whatever it was about to continue rambling about by holding your hand up. The shadows around the flames seem to stopped moving allowing you to get a shape out of the thing.

It was a tall broaded creature that was really blending itself into the shadow, almost like it was feeding off of them.

"I asked who you are. Not your backstory," you grumbled scooting to the edge of your sofa. Your feet touched the cool carpet. Trying to easy away the panic, you slowly ran your toes through the strands of carpet.

"Oh, well," they mumbled their voice sounding odd. It was like it was unusually high and extremely low, forming this grey inbetween. "I'm Death."

"Death?" You asked raising your eyebrow to look at them. You imagine death to be a lot more different than what is infront of you. Well, from what you can see.

"Show me yourself then Death," you taunted not believing them. It was probably just the kid next door trying to prank you. From the zombie fiasco, you wouldn't be surprise if he did this.

"Wait, you want see me?" They said in shock causing your smirk to rise up. They didn't expect that now did they. It was probably them that were cutting off the light.

"Yes, I want to see what Death looks like in the flesh," you said not even trying to cover up your heavy sarcastic tone.

"If you insist. But please reframe from screaming, for you humans are fragile and.. I don't want anything to happen to you."

Your eyebrows dropped down at the tone of that sentence. The word chocies was odd and their voice dropped down to a thick grumble at the end almost making it impossible to understand them.

You didnt have long to question the meaning of their sentence when all the candles started burning higher and brighter. You jumped up in shock as the candle infront of you became a roaring fire.

The entire room lit up making you squint your eyes at the new light source. You turned your head around to see all the candles were like that

"What the.." You sentence was cut off as you turned to where your neighbor's child should have been, but something entirely different was there.

The creature was something past anything your imagination could come up with. They seem to be towering above you, even though they were only barely touching your roof.

The body looked wrong. There looked to be a midnight black torso covered with dark silver veins twirling around like intricate designs. But there was a set of ribs bone ontop of the skin that were a blood red.

The legs were similar to what you imagine for a dragon with glimmering black scales. They turned into sharp talons that seemed to be digging deep into your carpet.

Your eyes slowly drifted upwards again at the bone covered toroso to see the arms. They too big to be proportional with his body and seem to dangle at his side, brushing the back sides of his calves. His fingers went from the black flesh colour to talon like sharp nails that looked like they could pull your heart out just by simply poking you.

They had long flowing black hair that reached farther than their arms. The hair seem to form a cloak around them with something white peaking through at the top.

You were a curious creature. And maybe just a little bit stupid. You lean over to the creature and pushed the hair back.

Instead of a human face, there seem to be a mask ontop. The mask was of antelope skull with its horns painting to a dark red, same as the ribs on their torso.

"So, you're death," you said looking at the eye holes of the skull. If you stared hard enough, you can see something moving behind the skull.

"I am death," they stated leaning forward a little. The skull pressed gently into your finger making you realize that the skull was too cool to be made of bones. It was probably crystals or somrthing.

"I imagine you to be different," you said looking down at the body again. Their form was sleek but still had some muscles in it.

"Humans have a limited imagination. It quite funny seeing your version of me. The only noticable thing being a black cloak and a scythe," they said and a small thing of laughter came out of them, shaking their frame.

"So death, why are you in my home? And if you say for me, I am booking it out of here," you said pushing the hair back trying to see any emotions present on their face, well mask you guess.

"No of course not. I couldn't bear taking such a thing from this horrific world," they said lifting their arm up. You glanced down to see their arm laying on the arm rest.

"They why are you here?" You asked dropping your eyebrows in suspicious. They seem to freeze at the question. You felt something brush past your knee and looked down to see that their talons were pushing into your couch.

"Oh, why am I here?" They mumbled looking down causing their hair to fall out of your hand. "I'm here because… well... you see."

You noticed that their mask was turning from a white to a light pink. Is the make part of their face? Wait, that means death is blushing right now.

"Calm down. You acting like I'm accusing you of being the reason all this stuff happen," you joked trying to calm them down. But their mask turned a bright red as they brough their head down in shame.

"Wait, are you serious? How did you manage to kill my phone? I got in trouble with my boss for being late," you yelled getting angry. You lean over the arm rest to get closer to death. You don't know the consequences of fighting death, but you are about to find out.

Their arms shot out to hold you in place causing their hair to swing back. Allowing you to see their mask was now pure red, matching the horns. But you noticed that there was now a pair of golden spheres in the eye socket. They were shaking slightly, as if working as their eyes.

"I didn't mean to. I was trying to walk past it, but the talon accidently touched it and it died. And I sincerely apologize for your closet. I-I slide in there to hide in there when you kept moving in your sleep and my shoulder put too much pressure on it," they rambled quickly with their voice jumping on random octaves. You blinked as you processed the information.

You let out a gasp and jumped out of their reach. You stood ontop of you couch as you looked at them with fear. "Where you watching me while I was asleep?"

"No!" They squeaked backing away. Their arms shot up to cover their face, clearly embarrassed. But it was obvious they were lying to you.

"You were. I don't care if you're human or not, but that's weird. How would you feel I were to watch you sleep," you yelled jumping on the couch.

"That would be kind of nice." They grumbled something but you couldn't understand them. "I mean, I know it was wrong, but that was the only way to see you without you seeing me."

The anger kind of subsided, but there was still some there. "Why?" You asked confused.

"Well, I'm sure you wouldn't be please with someone like this," their hand displayed their definetly not human body to you," appearing to you. So, I tried to stick to the shadows, which is hard when you humans are light based."

Light based? You glanced around at the numerous candles burning through your house. Oh, before your electricity went out, your lights were always on. Guess would have been hard for them to navigate.

"But you still didn't answer my question. Why are you here? Why are you trying to see me?" You asked splaying your hand against your chest. They started playing with the bottom of their hair as if they were trying to distract yourself.

"Well, Sunday, I was schedule to retrieve an old woman soul. She was schedule to get hit by an 18 wheeler around noon. But this human stopped it somehow and I was… well curious. So I started following you around, which I knew was creepy, but humans can't see us when we don't want them to, so I was just gonna stay for a little bit. But then I became fascinated by how you lived your normal human life. And so, I continued to watch. I didn't plan on staying for too long or causing too much trouble."

"If you wanted to get to know me, you could have just simply talked to me, like we are doing now. I'm sure you thought I would scream my head off, but I didn't, did I?" You sat down on the back out your couch. It was kind of uncomfortable, but it will have to due for now.

"I guess not. So your not scared of me," they asked talking a step forward, slowly sinking their talons into the carpet. The high burning candles casted an eerie light over the creature beside you. But the light pink blush on their mask and the way the talons on their hands were twirling the ends of their hair, made them seem like the least threating thing in the world.

"As long as you stop staring at me while I sleep," the blush returned back heavier," and don't lurk in the shadow. I'll say we could be good friends."

"Friends," they whispered as if testing the word. "I've never had a friend before." You jumped off the back of the couch. You slowly made your way over to the creature. They truly did tower over you.

"Well, there's a first for everything," you said sticking your hand out towards them. They looked down at your hand before slowly lifting their owns and laying it gently into yours. Their skin was slightly cooler than yours, but it felt pleasant. Their skin felt like silky and flawless. "You can now say you got yourself a friend Death."

Part 2

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Tadaaa. Yeah, I didn't have the usual things I like to include, but at the same I time I really hope y'all like it. Please comment on any of my works, I love reading them. Tell me what you would like to see more of or if you interested in seeing me write somrthing new. I'm also interested in writing headcanons, so start requesting some. Any way, enjoy your the rest of your day or night.

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oncloud999 · 4 years

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more feels and rambles

ok so after yesterday’s post, i just still have so many thoughts that i need to just write it down here...

ok what i find really interesting between them is also their dynamic. at first glance, jk is the more expressive one, always with the stares and the smiles. but i think it’s just from the fact that jm is definitely better at hiding his feelings now after the initial barrage of feels he pushed onto jungkook. now he’s far more subtle. but he still can’t help himself from looking and touching. but what’s interesting is that although he initiates a lot of stuff on stage in particular, a lot of it is exagerated and seem very fan service-y.

but in front of or behind the camera, he seems to LOVE putting his arms around jungkook, which seems to be a sign of dominance. jungkook, on the other hand, very rarely puts his arms around jimin. in fact, he does it more with taehyung. but he likes to put his arms around jimin’s waist more. but at the same time, what gets me the most, is the fact that jimin also clearly loves the fact that jungkook is physically stronger than him and can take care of him. he likes to play coy or even damsel in distress with jungkook which i find interesting. like when he asks jungkook to lift him off the ground like 10cm to reach the exercise bars when we all know he can jump that no problem. there’s also those pics of him and jk coming back from helsinki where he’s looking small and fluffy and jk is pulling him through the crowd. now i know the excuse is that they were being crowded around and they want to protect each other. but lets be real, non of the other guys are doing this and they have heavy security. and it’s definitely not their first rodeo. i’m sure it’s been worse before... but for some reason, jimin wanted to play the damsel at that moment and jungkook rose to the occasion to protecc. he also loves to be carried around by jungkook, mostly on his back but also in princess style.

it’s also interesting to me when jimin plays these demure roles with jungkook because dude is

a) probably the second fittest one in the group despite being the shortest (see when it comes to any physical challenges, after jungkook, they usually expects jimin to do it)

b) he hates being treated as small

c) dude has perfect control of his body when he dances, he is NOT weak in any way

d) apparently can stare down a whole room of journalists at wembley.

he is not demure or weak. and he doesn’t appear to behave like that with any other members. in fact, in a lot of instances, he has a very macho vibe in the way he carries himself. so it’s so interesting to me.

the other thing about jimin is that despite being the apparent angel and glue of the group he is, there’s a vicious side to him that i think the members and everyone else is well aware of. he’s mentioned previously that he’s defintely mellowed since his earlier days and is now less angry and you can see that. in some of their earlier clips, he’s like openly angry sometimes.

taehyung who is his bff, has stated that he’s one of the scariest members when he gets angry. i can see why, when he is angry and glares, it’s something else.

i’ve also seen videos of compilations of jimin being vicious/savage and for some reason, you never see him directing this towards jungkook. now this may be because jk is the youngest and all the members are clearly soft for him and excuses him from a lot of their more vicious banters. and yes i’m sure that’s part of it, and i’m sure jimin does feel the need to protect jungkook as well, but referring back to above point, one does not play the damsel with one’s younger brother... there’s a part of jimin that wants jungkook to protect and cherish him in a very non brotherly way.

and the other thing i find interesting is the way the others react towards jimin’s more vicious side. like they never call him out for it where as if it was like hoseok or jin, they’d probably jostle him around a bit. they probably know he’s pretty intimindating. and while tae and jungkook still behave like bts’s babies sometimes, jm has never seem to do so and the hyung line treats him like one of them. like they expect him to hold his own where as they will give taehyung and jungkook some leeway in what they do because they’re younger.

wait back to the point of bts being intimidated by jimin. you can kind of tell when jimin is being serious and when he’s kind of joking around cos his tone and the look in his eyes really change. for example, in the more recent episodes of run when they were measuring their arm lengths, yoongi said something like what’s the issue with having short arms cos you’re the shortest (cos it really doesn’t matter) but you can see he actually got a little angry and told yoongi to watch what he’s saying, but then he toned himself back down from a full on attack mode really quickly. but you can tell there’s definitely anger there, but albeit a little playful. then there’s the time where they were running around putting stickers on each other’s backs. when at the end, he said he will unfriend the person who betrayed him if it wasn’t jin, and you can see on taehyung’s face (even though he still tried to smile through it) that there was genuine concern that jimin was actually mad. and the way his face and voice changed, even though he was saying it in a joking manner, he was actually upset at the betrayal (lol they take their games hilariously seriously). and when th revealed himself and jimin still said he was going to unfriend him, like tae did look concerned. obviously they’re not seriously going to unfriend over that, but i’m guessing getting jimin’s cold shoulder and angry stares for a few days is no easy task.

it’s clear that jimin will actually cut you off if he wants to. like in the 2019 ep where they sat around and talked, he was like i cut anyone that badmouths bts out of my life. that must’ve been quite a few people in the beginning because as we know, kpop is sort of a teeny bopper thing in korea especially and people don’t take you very seriously. i mean look who’s laughing now, but you know. the point is, he’s clearly cut people out before and he’ll probably do it again. and it’s hard cutting friends out because you generally tend to share friends circles etc. man is determined and can be vicious is my point. doesn’t mean he’s not a nice person because i think he still is, but he clearly will do what needs to be done.

but jungkook doesn’t seem like he’s scared of jimin. like jimin has yelled and given him attitude before too (though in a slightly playful manner and never very sustained.. like in that recent video for tae’s birthday) but he just laughs through it and then doesn’t leave like he’s told to. he knows jimin will forgive him all his sins... and obviously that one vlive where jimin is like jungkook chastised me... the only time i can remember where jimin was legit upset with jungkook was that time when jk came to crash jin and jimin’s eat jin (not the recent one) and he asked to be let in and jin was ready to let him in but jimin was freaking upset and wouldn’t let him in and there was even a little scuffle between jin and jimin about who’s show it was and who gets to decide if the door is opened. and then came that picture where there may or may not have been a hickey... it’s a little suspicious

they just have such an interesting and funny dynamic. i want to understand. but it’s hard because we obviously only see a part of what happens between them and it’s honestly none of my business but i want to knowwwww

again, this is all my conjectures because i do’nt know they personally and i’m a fairly new fan of bts so it’s not like i’ve even seen all of their videos or anything. i’m just trying to keep up at this stage.

gah, this has been keeping me awake thinking about it. it’s good to have it out hahahaha.

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zekzarkov · 5 years

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Zek’s Master Course on Ace and Aro Culture

I’m not the eldest member of the asexual or aromantic communities, far from it. I’ve been interacting with these communities since around 2017, when I created my AVEN account. Even so, I’ve seen that some parts of aro and ace culture have been falling into obscurity, at least here on Tumblr. This was first brought to my attention by @sepulchritude‘s post about the ace black ring, and then again by @what-even-is-thiss‘s post about card suits.

it would be a shame if these pieces of our culture would disappear from general knowledge. That’s why I decided to put together this list of ace and aro culture that I remember from my first days at AVEN. This way I hope to preserve our culture and perhaps inspire newcomers to the community by showing them some of our roots.

So here’s my little list of aro and ace culture, starting with the big two who benan this whole thing, the black ace ring and the card suits.

Asexual and Aromantic Rings

A subtle way to display one’s asexuality to anyone who knows what to look for is by wearing a black ring on the right middle finger, or an Ace Ring. The ring not only broadcasts to other aces around you that you are a member of the community but it’s also subtle enough so other people don’t recognize it. Since much of the asexual community was created online, trough the forums at AVEN and other sites like Tumblr, many aces can feel disconnected from the community whilst in meatspace (not online), so the ring becomes a way to remain connected even while offline.

The idea the ace ring started on a 2005 AVEN thread by user Rawphish about ways to display one’s asexuality to the world. It’s very intresting to look at the thread and see where the current configuration of the ring came from, from the design and colour to the discussion of which finger to wear it on. A neat piece of ace history.

In a similar fashion, aromantics can wear a white ring to symbolize their connection with the aromantic community. I couldn’t track down the origin of the aro ring as easily as the ace one, but I found this 2014 post from @ace-aro-pirates that discusses the implementation of the ring.

Playing Card Suits

Everyone knows we aces are very punny by nature. Using puns to identify our asexual conditions is just a natural course of actions. And since the word “ace” already can be used as a playing card pun, it was decided to use card suits to define where ace people fall on the aromantic spectrum. It goes like this:

♠ Spades: Aromantic Asexual

♡ Hearts: Alloromantic Asexual

♢ Diamonds: Demiromantic or Greyromantic Asexual

♣ Clubs: Questioning Asexual

Queerplatonic Relationships and Zuchinni

According to Aromantics Wiki, a queerplatonic relationship (QPR) is a kind of relationship that “is more intense and intimate than what most people regard as a friendship, not fitting the traditional romantic couple model or the traditional bounds of friendship. It can be characterized by a strong bond, affect, and emotional commitment not regarded by those involved as something beyond a friendship.” QPRs are platonic relationships, typically having no romantic, sexual or erotic components, however some people involved in light or non-traditional romantic relationships can caracterize themselves as in a QPR.

The “default” term for members of a QPR is “Queerplatonic Partner” or QPP. The word “Zuchinni” can also be used as an affectionate nickname for your QPP (as in “they’re my zuchinni”). The origin of the term zuchinni comes from a joke on the aroace community, where people were frustrated with the lack of words to defint these kinds of relationships so they just chose something that would be silly and unconventional, and it ended up stucking. And, in my personal oppinion, it’s a really cute term.

Aromantics Wiki entry on Queerplatonic Relationships

Squish

A squish is like a crush, only platonic. It represents a wish to become platonically close to someone, becoming their friend or the like. It’s a platonic attraction towards someone.

Asexy

This is a funny one that i don’t see being used in a long time. Saying someone is asexy is saying you find them attractive in a non-sexual way. It may be aestethically, intelectually, due to their personality, or for any other reason. It may be that you have a squish on them.

Asexual and Aromantic Flags

I guess everyone knows what the asexual flag looks like, this little masterpiece:

Seriously it’s so pretty.

But do people know what the different coloured stripes mean? I didn’t until recently. So let’s have a look:

Black represents asexuality, lack of sexual attraction.

Grey represents greysexuality and the asexual spectrum, all the space between asexuality and allosexuality.

White represents allosexuality, or the lack of the lack of sexual attraction, if you want to be complicated.

Purple represents the community. The asexual community is such an important part of many asexuals’ lives that it gets a whole colour of its own!

And just like the ace flag, the aro one is also pretty well known, and also very pretty.

Its meaning goes as follows:

Dark Green represents aromanticism, or lack of romantic attraction.

Light Green represents the aromantic spectrum.

White represents platonic and aesthetic attraction, as well as queer/quasi platonic relationships.

Grey represents greyromanticism and demiromanticism.

Black represents the sexuality spectrum.

Ace Symbols

Besides the flag and ring, asexuality has a couple other symbols related to it, albeit in a smaller scale.

Cake (and baking in general) because everyone knows cake is better than sex.

Unicrons because they supposetly are not real, transforming the aphobic notion that asexuality is not real to give us all a badass magical horned horse as a mascot.

Dragons, same as above, but even more badass!

Amoebas because they reproduce asexually (although not the same kind of asexuality). The term “amoeba” was actually used by the first asexuals to define themselves in the early days of the community before the term “ace” was created. (vide the 1997 article My Life as an Amoeba by Zoe O’reilly)

Okay this will do from me for now. Feel free to add any piece of aro or ace culture you think is missing. Cheers folks!

#asexual #ace #aromantic #aro #ace culture #aro culture #lgbtq #lgbtqai #pride #one day late for pride month #oops

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purple-haired-faerie · 5 years

Note

Hi! Ummm I wanted to ask something, and it’s something I haven’t really ever verbalized (which is the reason I’m on anon for this). Lately, I’ve been questioning whether or not I’m on the ace spectrum. I’m definitely not fully ace, and definitely not aro. I’ve had plenty of romantic crushes before. But... I’ve never had sexual feelings for any of them. Or anyone for that matter. Although I look back and wonder if I did for just one moment have sexual feelings for a guy I liked for a year. (1/7)

(Does that make me demi?) I’m only fifteen, and I know hormones are something that are supposed to be huge in my current stage in life, and I’ve taken into account that maybe I’m just not old enough to have those feelings or fully process them. (Am I?) But... is that how it works? I do experience... I don’t know how to phrase this... being turned on, but it’s under very random certain circumstances, and lasts for a very short period of time. (2/7)

Not only that, but it’s never strong enough for me to consider... acting on it. Also, it only happens maybe once every couple of months. I’ve done a lot of research, and the only labels that I can think of that could possibly describe me is Gray-Ace, or even demisexual (for that one time, because I got over the guy shortly afterwards, though we remain friends, and maybe I’ve never established a deep enough connection with someone I liked romantically to feel it). (3/7)

I know labels aren’t required, and many people prefer not to have a definitive one, but labels are something that I function well in. I like to know where I am and who I am and exactly how to describe it. But there’s all these thoughts nagging at me all the time. I am a cis, straight (heteroromantic at least), female. I live in a liberal town with liberal and accepting parents. I have friends who I know would support me. (4/7)

And asexuality seems to be the easiest spectrum to come out as. (Though it’s absolutely not fair for me to say that. There’s a lot of acephobia that many people face and struggle with, and I feel awful even thinking that it’s easy.) I don’t want to feel like I’m an impostor or a wannabe in the LGBT community, and I don’t want to find out later, even years from now, that turns out I’m allosexual and I just didn’t know and everyone will think I lied. (5/7)

Hell, I’m too young to legally have sex, so telling anyone might make them ask me, “oh, but how do you know if you aren’t legally capable of giving consent about sexual acts? Your brain just may not be ready for it.” or they’ll dismiss it like “you’re too young to be having thoughts and feelings like that. Good for you.” Though, at the same time, I almost want to believe that. I feel strange asking, but where do you think I fit? (6/7)

I know it’s up to me to decide where to place myself, and someone else isn’t going to be the same, but... I want someone to tell me what they think is going on so I’m not limited to the stuff inside my head. Thank you for listening to all this crap (wow, this was so much longer than I intended) and thank you for any response you feel okay with giving me. :) (7/7)

Firstly I’m touched you trusted me with this, even if you are on Anon, which is fine as this is clealry a big thing for you that you are trying to process and work out for yourself.

I’m going to try and break this up into sections to help me give the best response to you and I hope that even some of it will be useful for you.

So I’m going to do some definitions to make sure we’re defintely on the same page and clear up any confusion.

Asexual: “An asexual person (“ace”, for short) is simply someone who does not experience sexual attraction. That’s all there is to it. Aces can be any sex or gender or age or ethnic background or body type, can be rich or poor, can wear any clothing style, and can be any religion or political affiliation.” (From “What is asexuality”)

Aromantic: “An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others.” (Psychology Today)

Allosexual: “someone who experiences sexual attraction.” (The gay UK)

Demisexual: “A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It's more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else (whether the feelings are romantic love or deep friendship), the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners” (Seventeen)

Definitions done, from reading everything that you have said, I’d say that for you, your sexual orientation and romantic orientation would fall under different groups. From my understanding, you have romantic feelings for others, but no sexual attraction. You’ve said yiou might have felt a sexual attraction towards someone you’d had feelings for, dor about a year. I’m not here to say wether you actually did, or are still are sure and are assuming what you felt was sexual. I’m not you, I don’t know. My personal opinion is that your attraction could come under “Heteromantic demisexual” or “heterosexual asexual”.

Ultimately you still are 15, so you still have plenty of time to find someone you do have romantic feelings and eventually develop sexual feelings for. In that case you’d be a demisexual. If it doesn’t happen, you’d be an asexual. Whatever happens, you’d still be you and would still be winning at life.

What I’ve heard so many times, is that if you are questioning your sexuality, or at least some part of it, then there is a reason for that, and quite often you arent as allosexual, heterosexual or heteroromantic as you previously thought. But like I said you still have plenty of thime to work that out.

I’m glad that you have a supportive network around you, so when you do feel confident to come out with whatever your orientation is, those around you will still love and sccept you. And as far as what you think is the easiest thing to come out, well let me tell you a few things. Coming out, whatever it is, is hard. yes some may be more understtod that others, but it’s still hard. You’re still whatever sexuality you are, regardless of other people’s ignorance. If you identify as being asexual then you’re asexual and are part of the LGBTQ communuty and no one can tell you otherwise. If, after some more self-discovery and life experience you realise that it’s a label that no longer describes how you feel, then thats also fine. If other people disagree, then pity their prejudice and ignorance be damned.

On a final note: just because you are below the age of consent doesn’t mean that your orientation and feelings is any less valid. We don’t grow up with no sexual or romantic feelings, then wake up on our birthday when we can legally give consent, full of sexual and romantic feeling and knowing exactly what our orientation is. That’s not how things work. You can still be questioning and working it out before hand. And that’s OK!

I hope this helps Anon and that you find something that describes how you feel

What is asexuality: http://www.whatisasexuality.com/intro/

Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201710/s-so-aromantic

Seventeen: https://www.seventeen.com/love/a21999166/demisexual-meaning-definition-signs/

The Gay Uk https://www.thegayuk.com/big-gay-glossary-allosexual/

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attina-the-responsible · 5 years

Text

36 Questions that Lead to Love ~*~ [Siren]

@panicked-percy

In which Attina and Panic get to know each other a little better...[takes place: sometime in early July]

[tw -- talk of death]

ATTINA: Andrina had been right: there was a lot about Panic that she didn’t know.

She had once thought that she knew most of it, if not all of it. Which was a nice feeling when it came to a significant other--she usually didn’t know them very well before she dated them. Panic had been her friend for years before they started anything. However, most of it had been a lie. Panic had used Percy’s life, obviously, to lie about his own (though, not entirely a lie, since he had lived most of those experiences alongside Percy.)

But--she wanted the truth.

Especially if she was going to tell Panic that she was a mermaid.

Which meant she had cajoled him into 36 Questions -- How to Fall in Love.

They were sitting on the couch in her apartment, cocktails on the coffee table, having just finished dinner. Attina’s painted toes buried in the cushion on Panic’s other side, her smooth legs across his lap. Her other hand held a pencil (for notes! she’d told him brightly when he’d asked) and a clipboard with the questions attached.

“Alright!” she said brightly, “first question: if you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would it be? I’d invite Charlie Veron. He’s a marine biologist who has discovered the most types of coral reefs and he’s just–super passionate and interesting. I’ve read all his books.”

PANIC: Panic had agreed to a number of things that he didn’t know what to do with anymore. 1. To tell all the Tritons he was a demon. 2. To ‘date’ the sisters to maybe they would let him in on their secret. 3. To talk about 36 questions that lead to love.

He hated the feeling in his chest for the first two. The last one. Well that was simple. That was something he could do without feeling like his world was collapsing.

“Gordon Ramsay, If I can either eat his food or have him taste mine well I think that would be something to write home about.” Panic answered glancing at the questions. “Would you want to be famous and what for? Nah, I wouldn’t want to be. It’s way too much pressures and eyes. It would be cool to be known as a chef but I don’t like the thought of my name, everywhere. Or well not my name but Percy’s.”

ATTINA: Attina smiled.

Gordon Ramsay was what he’d said the first time (well, the way that Percy had said it), though his answer changed slightly. And the way he answered made Tina feel awful for not realizing--how had she not realized?--that the first time she’d done this, it wasn’t with Panic?

“I mean--I’d like to be a conservationist, but no one is ever really famous for that.” She shrugged and stole the paper back, scribbling a note and then continuing.

“Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why? Eh--not really. Only if I’m ordering take out for like...everyone.” By everyone, she meant her family, of course. “Or if it is something important. Not that I have important phone calls a lot, I just wing it, usually. You?”

PANIC: A conservationist. It fit her. He imagined her as one, he imagined her helping as she wanted to. He imagined her getting out of here so she could experience it, see it, protect it. It made him smile. It made him have big dreams for her.

“Maybe you could be famous in the community. Small time famous.” Panic mused as the paper left his hands laughing as she scribbled away.

“I used to. I would be so worried I’d say the wrong thing. Sometimes it would be before in-person conversations too.” Panic explained with a shrug not even taking the paper this time just leaning over. “ What would be your perfect day?” Panic leaned back as he hummed about it. “Breakfast in bed, a late start to the morning. Fancy restaurant at night and I dunno what’s in the middle.”

ATTINA: Attina didn’t really acknowledge the ‘famous in the community’ comment, because, well--they both knew that wasn’t for her. It wasn’t going to happen. No matter what, she couldn’t leave Daddy behind, even if all her sisters left, one by one by one by one by one by one.

Attina would stay.

Because she felt obligated to, but also, because she was scared.

Her head tilted at Panic’s answer, and it made her wonder--and it made her curious. Was this because of the demon thing? Panic didn’t want people to know he was different? Or was he more shy than Attina had thought? She reserved her questions, though, they were only on four--if she didn’t find out the answer later on, she’d ask them.

“No idea what’s in the middle?” Attina raised an eyebrow. “Leave it to you to center the day around food.” She poked his thigh with her foot from where her legs were still stretched over his.

“For me? A day with my family--and you, of course. Well--okay, so--breakfast in bed, definitely. Then a lazy start to the morning, maybe a swim in the ocean. This is all taking place at a beach house. A big lunch with everyone I love. More swimming, maybe some shopping--no good day is complete without a little shopping, maybe some pampering too. Then, yeah, a nice dinner. Maybe quiet, for you and me.” She smiled at him, thought about it for a second more, and then nodded with finality.

“When--did you last sing to someone else? To yourself? Er, well--I don’t...sing that much. Well, I do, but not really. I sing when I clean sometimes or am cooking or with my sisters in the car.” She used to sing a lot more, her shoulder shrugged a little. “Yeah, haven’t serenaded anyone in a while, though,” she joked, lamely.

PANIC: Panic laughed because he knew he deserved the jab. He didnt care what happened in the middle as long as he was with people he cared about. That would be enough for him. Easily his perfect day could be swimming in between great meals.

Seeing someone he loved happy had to be part of his perfect day too. He just wasnt going to be that sappy outloud.

Panic grimaced at the thought of someone hearing him sing though. "Sing to someone probably never. I dont think you want to hear me sing. I'll just pretend to mouth the words while I shower ot something." Panic joked. "But feel free to serenade me any day." And with each word he leaned closer to her until he could steal a kiss then glanced at the paper like nothing happened. "Would you want to live to 90 with the body or mind of the 30 year old for those 60 years."

"I'd say mind. I mean it's also kind of hard to consider because of what I am. It's better to have ones mind and shift to control other forms than lose your mental strength."

ATTINA: Attina blushed and giggled as Panic leaned in for a kiss, letting it happen, the sound of it popping like bubblegum in the air.

She wasn’t going to sing for him, though. Not any time soon.

Her nose wrinkled a little and she tilted her head, listening to his answer while alaso trying to decide her own. She was--honestly a little surprised that he would say mind over body, since, from her understanding, the body was an important part of Panic’s whole...thing. But, when he explained it, it made sense. At least...she thought it did.

She pursed her lips, trying to figure out how she felt about what he’d said, because it was pragmatic, but it also got to the root of the problem: Panic’s body was not his own.

“I think--mind for me too. I mean...part of me wants to say keep the body, but I figure that’s the shallow answer. And what is the point if I don’t remember who I love?”

“Do you have a secret hunch about how you’d die?” Attina chewed her lip, brow furrowed, but she nodded too. “Yeah, I mean, I always kind of had this feeling like...I am gonna die really horribly, y’know? I don’t know why…”

She did. Her mother’s death. The way mermaids were treated in the world. The very real threat of brutal murder hanging over her head day after day.

“Maybe it’s because my sisters and I always talk about the best deaths in horror movies or something.” She laughed off the moroseness.

PANIC: Shallow was fine to him too. After all people liked being shallow. It wasn’t like Panic wasn’t happy that Percy was a good looking guy. Not that Panic would have ditched him if he wasn’t but still he liked it.

“Why is it fun to imagine or talk about the best deaths in horror movies?” The thought of it made Panic grimace. Gruesome deaths would be painful and it was defintely a way people choose to torture people in the underworld. “I dunno, being sent back would be a death of a life in a way and for a long time I imagined that I guess.” Panic explained.

ATTINA: Attina just shrugged a little at his question. She didn’t really know the answer to that. It was, more or less, a defense mechanism, she figured against the very real horrors of what her family faced.

Couldn’t say that though!

Moving on.

Listening to Panic, Attina frowned and found her hand moving over to touch his shoulder and then the hair at the base of his neck. It was such a...strange thing to think about. Honestly, Attina tried not to most days, because it still felt so...strange. Panic--a demon. Panic--coming from the Underworld. Despite being a mermaid, despite growing up in Swynlake, despite the level of fantasy she consumed--all of this felt far too fantastical for Attina.

That was why she was doing this, though. She was trying to be brave.

“Is it really that bad?” she asked softly--not really sure if she wanted the answer or not.

PANIC: Panic shrugged pursing his lips and moving his attention from his girlfriend to the ceiling. Did they want to go into it? Sure Panic had been the one to bring it up but he never shared theses things. It wasn’t something he ever dealt with. Even with Percy they didn’t talk about his past.

“Depends I guess on who you are. There are those that torture and those that are the targets.” Panic admitted hoping she would be able to tell which of them he was. He didn’t think it was that hard to tell why he had run away.

ATTINA: Attina frowned at that, and she was glad she’d taken what she’d started calling her “medicine” before coming to Panic’s. It meant the worry was a low sizzle in her stomach. The idea of torture, when not in a classic slasher film, set all her nerves on end.

She couldn’t imagine--

Except she could. All her worst nightmares were torture and death, filled with blood and scales being carved off.

Attina knew she wanted to get to know Panic’s world better--but it didn’t sound like anywhere she wanted to know. It made sense to her that he had wanted to leave. In her opinion, that was all she needed to know.

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re not there any longer, hm?” She smiled a little at him before very clearly ruffling the papers to move on. “Okay, I answered the last one first, so--your turn: Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.”

PANIC: Back to the questions and a safe topic. Panic could handle that. He preferred that in most ways. “Three things we have in common. Family values. We can both be petty as fuck sometimes. We’re both hot?” Panic stated with a grin wiggling his eyebrows as her now more willing to look at her and he was definitely having a time going back to teasing her.

“Does that count as a serious answer or do I need a real third one?”

ATTINA: Attina gasped and clucked her tongue.

“I’m not petty!” Though, this was a very unconvincing thing to say, because Attina was--very petty when she wanted to be. It just made her cheeks burn a little to realize Panic had noticed. “However, I will accept that we are both hot if only because you’re complimenting me. As long as you do mean it.” She wrinkled her nose a bit at him before looking up at the ceiling.

“Ummm, we both like to cook! We both have siblings that drive us up a wall but we’d do anything for. Is that the same as family values? Well, I think it’s different and important, but--we also both are kind of homebodies. Annnd--” we’re both magical creatures that the world hates, “--we both have a secret the rest of the world can’t know.”

She pursed her lips a little at him before looking down.

“Anyway--For what in your life do you feel most grateful? Well, that’s easy. My family. Oh! And you, of course.” Her smile was warm when she looked back up at him.

PANIC: They both had a secret they couldn't tell the world. The simple sentence still choked him up. Made his heart clench too tightly. Made his frown deepen even with the quick subject change. It still lingered.

Reaching out he gave her leg a small squeeze. He had her back no matter what her secret was.

He did however smile at her feeling grateful for him. At least that made his heart untwist a little bit. "Percy. First and foremost. Without him I wouldn't be here. Any other decision on his part and I wouldn't be. You of course. I never thought I would ever really be able to tell people about me. Freedom. Life. Family. The basic other things that make life worth living." Panic answered. "If you could change anything about the way you were raised. I wish I could have just been born a human in this world. I wish percy hadnt been sick."

ATTINA: Attina almost laughed.

She would’ve, if she hadn’t had her medication, which left her drifting like a buoy on the sea. She just rolled with the waves. Panic said: I wish I could have just been born a human in this world and Attina just felt her heart twist in her chest. The cruel irony buried beneath the medication and her empathy, which rose, round and buoyant as a balloon.

Maybe, hearing all of this should freak her out. Should make her love Panic just a little less.

It didn’t. The feeling inside her chest just got bigger and bigger.

She wanted to repeat those exact words back at him. There was a part of her, the mermaid, screeching a siren’s song in her chest: Tell him! Tell him!

“I wish I didn’t have my secret too,” she finally said. “I wish that all my sisters and I could just...be ourselves. Also, that my--mum was around for more of it.”

She cleared her throat and glanced down. Attina barely talked about her mum, and she certainly hadn’t talked about her much around Panic.

“Okay--” Attina reached for her timer. “Get ready for my life’s story. Pretty sure you know most of this already…”

“Alright, well, I was born June 22, 1991–Gemini-Cancer cusp, though I definitely lean more towards Cancer. Nine months later, almost exactly, Andrina was born. So, we’ve pretty much always been in this together. Then, Adella. Then, Arista. They were back to back, Adella when Andrina was about two. Then, Aquata was born a year or so after that. Then, Alana. Then, eventually, Ariel, but there was a bit more of a break between them. I was about eight by then. Uhm, when I was about 11-13, I was going to London in the summers for Youth Orchestra. I was first seat harpist. Won awards and such.” She popped her shoulders in a shrug.

“Then, uhm, I was in secondary–had a boyfriend when I was sixteen, he was a jerk, as most sixteen year old boys are. I was on the debate team and chess team and in band and mock trials…then, uhm, mymotherdied.” She had to stop and suck in a deep breath, looking away for a moment.

“Then, I graduated and went to university at PrideU. Once I graduated and got into the Master’s program, Andy and I moved into this apartment. I finished my Master’s three years ago? Gosh, it’s been a while. And–then I started working at Whosits and Whatsits and met you and...here I am!”

The timer went off.

“Oh, good, I was about done anyway! Your turn.”

PANIC: Panic's lips twisted into a frown at the mention of Attina's mother. He really didn’t know the story there. He hadn’t asked and she hadn’t provided more than a couple details. Which was okay with him. He wasn't going to force her to talk about it. He just needed to know the basics. Which included the fact he knew Attina had lost her Mum way too young.

He still tried to give whatever comfort he could for her. A smile on his lips. A squeeze of her leg. Giving her all his focus.

“Can you do the timer for me as well?” Panic requested before launching into his own story, he knew she hadn’t heard this story and he watched carefully if he was going in too deep.

“Um so yeah in human years if I’m honest I don’t know when I was born but it was always known what I would be and the best way to be it is to be thrust into the situation. So I grew up around other Panic demons, Pains as well.” Panic started. “I knew that I never wanted to go into it but it’s not a choice that I had so I knew I wanted to leave. It took a long time before I was able to find an escape. When I did I wasn’t going to last, only the strongest demons can stay in this world without a host and so Percy was there. For a long time he was my host without hearing his voice. But I was always determined to get stronger and in my goal to get stronger I opened my mind for Percy to slip through. They thing was I couldn’t push him back down. I like to think I couldn’t do it to him or maybe I didn’t have the energy. But we started to talk. We started to learn things about each other and we grew up like that. Tests got really easy but thankfully we both really liked cooking. It didn’t matter who was in control or if we switched in between so we went for it. We learned what we could and trained where we could. We went to school for it and we experienced half a life. Fun fact I don’t know how to drive. Percy does. I know how to swim, he doesn’t.” Panic stated simply before glancing at the time. “Then Swynlake became an option where we could maybe find out more about demons and hosts and what we could do and I didn’t know what I would find but I was hoping for something. Then I got a job at Remy’s and met you and well I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. Demon knowledge or not.”

And the timer chimed.

“That’s my story. Have I scared you off?”

ATTINA: Attina was quiet as she listened, her brow furrowed. And she thought about the last time they’d done this. Except, it hadn’t been them. It had been Percy impersonating Panic, lying to her. Though, not lies, not exactly--he had just told her his own story, which, she supposed, in a way, was Panic’s too. But here was so much more.

She listened to it all--

And maybe, she should be scared off. There were parts of it that didn’t sit right with her, of course. Parts that she wished weren’t true, but she was learning--when you loved someone, that didn’t matter. When you loved someone, you loved all those pieces of them that were ugly or cruel or terrible. She didn’t think Panic was ugly or cruel or terrible, but she knew that others would. That he had been born into a life that he didn’t want, that there was nothing he could do about who he was or where he’d come from.

And Attina understood. She understood and all she had in her heart was empathy, growing larger and rounder and warmer the longer he spoke.

“No,” she said, shaking her head a little at him, though her voice was soft and contemplative. She meant it though, every word. “I just--wish it was different.” One of her shoulders shrugged, her cardigan slipping down. “But, I’ve spent my whole life wishing that, so it isn’t much of a difference. It just--makes me sad. What you went through. What Percy has gone through. The fact that you don’t have a choice but to rely on someone else like that. It’s awful. It’s wrong.”

PANIC: Panic watched Attina closely. Each word that he said he worried it would be something that she couldn’t handle. His life while he never thought was bad was something that could scare her off. In fact Panic was quite surprised she was handling it as well as she was.

Though when she didn’t fix her cardigan, Panic imagined that she wasn’t handling it as well as she was saying that she was handling it.

“Maybe one day we can, I can leave him. One day I can make my own form. I dunno. I’m hoping that might be the case. I want to give him that. I want to give us that.” Panic wanted nothing more than those things but he didn’t want to go back either.

ATTINA: Attina’s eyebrows went up a bit at that revelation. She hadn’t known that was possible. Not that that lack of knowledge was a surprise. Attina had never taken any demonology classes, she had never seen any reason to. Now, she was kind of kicking herself, but how could she ever predicted she would not only date, but fall in love, with a demon?

“You can do that?” she asked, sitting up some. “How?”

She couldn’t help how--hopeful she sounded because...it really sucked, having to share Panic with Percy. To know that no matter how comfortable Percy was with all of it--Panic was still possessing him. There was no getting around that.

PANIC: Panic couldnt help the laugh that escaped his lips at how excited Tina got. He didn't blame her. He had wished for it too.

"In theory I could." Panic started because he didnt want to get her Hope's up. He would try and he would keep trying though. " right now I dont have enough power or strength to maintain a form on my own so most likely we would need something that increased that power. Or something that would tether me to Percy without needing to use his body. That's why I ended up in the hospital. There's this talisman that can control pretty much any demon. If percy got it. In theory he would be able summon me and well control me but I'd be here and using that power. It might be impossible for us to summon me specifically if I was stuck down in the underworld without an advanced sorcerer and I dont really want to trust that to someone I dont know. But that's everything my research led me to."

ATTINA: Attina frowned again when Panic mentioned the hospital. How horrible that had been. Her heart clenched just thinking about him in that hospital bed. Him and--Percy too. She hated seeing the people she loved hurting like that. In any way, really, her heart too soft for things like that.

Her brow furrowed as she listened and tried to--comprehend.

It was so out of the realm of everything she knew. She may be a magical creature and live in a magical town, but Attina had always tried to live as normal a life as possible. It was mostly fear that made her do this but--

Why wouldn’t she be afraid? That all sounded so complicated and terrifying.

She sighed and nodded after a moment.

“I don’t want you to get hurt. You--or Percy, but...it would be nice, wouldn’t it? Us, together, without...all the rest? It’d make so much of this less complicated.”

PANIC: Panic let out a breath of laughter. It would make everything easier, he couldn’t help but imagine the day him and Percy were looking at one another face to face. Or well Percy’s face to Percy’s face or whatever face Panic could mimic.

It was a nice thought.

“It’s something I want I promise. I just have to figure out how to do it safely. Until then are you willing to have me like this?” Was she willing to love the demon and what it was to be a demon.

ATTINA: A year ago, even a few months ago, Attina would’ve said no. She would’ve been terrified of what it meant--both for Panic to be a demon and for them to be dating. She was still terrified, that hadn’t changed, but something had. Love made her brave. Or at least, more brave than she’d ever felt (she was still more or less a coward). It was much more terrifying to think of living life all alone. Of going through it all without someone by her side.

Now that she had Panic, nothing would make her want to let him go.

“Of course,” she told him softly, smiling at him. She leaned up and kissed him once and then pulled back. “We got wayyy off track.” She giggled once and shook her head before looking back down at the paper that’d fallen onto the floor. Squinting, she read the next question.

“If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality, what would it be?”

#bdrppanic #siren #fake husband #otp: i will #otp: apple of my eye #otp: i know

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luobingmeis · 5 years

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yes but youre saying the Only thing that makes someone a woman is if they say they are a woman. but then what is being a woman? if a person can be whoever and however they want within that category, and any way physically, then what would even be the point of identifying as a different gender ? if those labels are totally meaningless?

okay anon, i really don’t know what you want me to tell you?? fuck, i’ve been feeling so disconnected with “expected womanhood” for years now that i don’t even know how to Begin defining “””what it means to be a woman””” past identifying as one!!!! do you want me to spew the transphobic rhetoric of “you can only be a woman if you have a vagina”? because i’m not, because that’s transphobic as fuck and not true. do you want me to spew the western society’s sexist defintion of woman as being quiet, being submissive, being skinny, being something for everyone but herself? because i’m not, because that’s sexist and not true (and the only reason i make the specification on western society is bc i’m not educated enough about other cultures to even try making a comment). do you want me to spew the racist rhetoric that the only “””pretty””” “womanly” features are that of white women? because i’m not, because that’s racist and not true.

like!!! there is so much of gender that is just A Construct. and i’m not saying that people can’t appreciate gender! some people really like rooting who they are in gender, and i am not about to invalidate that, but a huge part of “being a man/being a woman” is set up by societal expectations, and it would be severely irresponsible and close-minded of me to be like, “oh, well, if you fit THESE certain boxes, then you’re a woman” when, in reality, i hope i’ve been educated enough (tho i still look to educate myself more bc we live in a very cisnormative society) to be able to aptly say, “if you identify as a woman, then you are one”

besides, i am literally One Girl who, to be very honest, has lived an overall priveleged life. i’m white and cis and grew up in a town more liberal than others and, tho im a lesbian and not very wealthy and have my own problems, that does not suddenly erase my privelege. i honestly think it would be incredibly irresponsible and also kinda fucked if i tried to make broad comments on what makes a “real woman”

like, again anon, idk if you’re just playing devil’s advocate or trying to do some type of educating in some questioning way or trying to back me into a corner, but yeah, if you’re trying to get me to reason with transphobic rhetoric on womanhood, it’s not gonna happen

#answered #Anonymous

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yourkittywilde · 5 years

Text

stuck with me 💍❤️

TAGGING → @yourkittywilde & @sammynolanh

TIME FRAME → 31 March 2019

LOCATION → Sammy & Kitty’s apartment, LA.

WARNINGS → None, actually. Bad cooking?

NOTES → Somewhere between Kitty yelling and making fun of girl’s hair extensions, Sammy thinks it’s the perfect time to propose. idk i’m so bad at these summaries.

KITTY

It was Kitty's first day off since moving to L.A, and honestly? She was sort of exhausted. Between TMZ and college work she'd barely had time to sleep let alone spend significant time with her boyfriend. On top of that she was trying so hard to be better for Sammy. To be more thoughtful. To be nicer. Knowing it had only been few weeks since Sammy was sick and in an effort to avoid ordering take out, Kitty had decided to cook. However somewhere between the boiling water spilling out onto the floor, tomatoes exploding in the pan and chicken that was now black, Kitty was somewhat defeated, sitting cross legged on the floor with dude in her lap. It was a lot easier when his neighbors did it for her in New York and Kitty just took the credit. "I suck at this, dude." She murmurs to the pup, patting him softly.

SAMMY

Sammy has been out on an evening hike with a few of his LA friends and was pretty tired when he had gotten home. Home. It was crazy to him that he was now living in LA and with Kitty, the love of his life, he honestly was scared it would all go away and he was just dreaming. When he entered the apartment he could smell a faint smoky smell as if something was burning. Confused he called out for kitty. “Babe?” He asked as he closed the door behind him and then saw the dog bolting from the kitchen, giving him a clue as where Kitty could be. And he was right. He looked down at her with a small laugh, finding her distress just a bit charming. He looked around at the failed attempt at dinner and he pouted “Oh honey...” he said with a small chuckle as he kneeled on the ground in front of her.

KITTY

Kitty's nose wrinkles at Sammy's voice, and though she wants to stand up and pull herself together now he's home, shes just too tired. She looks up at him when he enters the room and chews on her lower lip as she watches him assess her failure. "I tried? I really did. And then things started beeping, timers started going off at random times and I couldn't remember which was which and there were flames and..." she shrugs defeatedly. "Gordon Ramsay makes it look way easier." She comments with a faint smile and pushes her hair away from her eyes. "I can make you cereal or... something? Is that healthy?"

SAMMY

Sammy scoots closer to her, straddling her legs as he leans down and kisses her forehead. “Well, I really do appreciate you trying.” He spoke softly. “You’ve been very helpful and supportive these past couple weeks and I’m very thankful for it... but you know you don’t have to be like super girl, right?” He asked her as he brought a hand up under her chin with a soft caress of his thumb to her cheek. “I’ll love you even if you don’t cook for me.” He smiles at her.

KITTY

"That's good since I think you'll find Quinn has already firmly cemented her role as Super Girl." She answers, not able to stop the smile that pulled at her lips when he touches her cheek. At least he noticed she was trying... it meant she must have been doing something right. "Does that mean we can get take out tonight?" Kitty looks past Sammy and up at the now hecticly messy kitchen. "Like... healthyish take out? I really cant eat oats one more day without going crazy. We can get whatever you want."

SAMMY

Sammy chuckles and kisses her tenderly. “That’s right. That’s her job.” He nodded “Yeah, we can order take out, I’ll take a shower so I stop stinking from the hike and then we can watch the oh so famous Kardashian’s you’ve raved about.” He suggested to her, hoping it sounded okay. He stood from his place on the floor and helped her up as he looked around. “But first I should help you clean up.” He said with a chuckle

KITTY

She nods and takes his hand to get up from the floor, squeezing it gently as a silent thank you. "Nope, go take a shower, babe. I can clean up out here." Kitty reassures him with a half smile, and stands on her toes to softly kiss his cheek. She might not be able to cook, but cleaning she could do without messing up. Besides... he was all sweaty. "The Kardashian's will be waiting for you when you get out. Just don't lie down and fall asleep or anything while you getting changed." She moves to the sink, and turns on the tap. "Unless you feel like you need to sleep of course 'cause you did just go hiking, so that's cool too." She adds with a quieter voice.

SAMMY

Sammy was tired, he spent most of his days feeling a bit tired and looking forward to sleep but being with Kitty after a hectic week felt like the right thing to do. Not only that, he wanted to spend time with his girlfriend, he had hardly seen her all week, she had been so busy. “If I help it’ll go by twice as fast.” He told her as he brought the soiled pans to the sink. He looked down at her with a quirked eyebrow “You’re being weird. What’s going on?” He questioned her as he bumped her so he could get a sponge and start scrubbing the pan in his hand.

KITTY

"It's okay, I can-" She starts to protest but rolls her eyes when he picks up the pans. And he called her stubborn. She lifts an eyebrow at his next words, glancing at him for a brief second before quickly grabbing the sponge from his hands. "Nothing's going on." She shrugs slightly, forcing a much brighter smile to her lips. "Go and have a shower, babe." She instructs him. "I've totally got this. Really. I made the mess, not you."

SAMMY

Sammy doesn’t believe her for a single second. He let her take the sponge and furrowed his brows, standing there for a moment and chewing on his lip before realizing what had changed. “You’re being really nice... like Marley nice. What’s going on.” He asked again, his hands reaching to her waist. “Don’t make me tickle you...”

KITTY

"Maybe I'm just a nice person." She looks at him with a smile, confused about whether he was complaining or not. "But nothing is going on." She says again, noticing his hands coming closer to her and dropping the sponge automatically to take a step back from him. "Sammy... no." Kittys voice gets serious, knowing how ticklish it seemed that every damn part of her body was. She holds out her hands defensively, "Doooont."

SAMMY

Sammy gave her the most knowing look. “Kitty.” He said in all seriousness and then smiled at her. “You haven’t called me an idiot in like a month...” he replied to her and then cornered her against the counter, his hands ready for the attack as he wrapped around her and began to tickle her.

KITTY

"Maybe you haven't been an idiot." Kitty counters, her eyebrows raising at him as she continues to back further away from his hands. "Saaammy dont..." she says in vein, squealing when his arms wrap around her. Her giggling is loud and shes twisting against him to get away. Her body is only able to take it for a short time before she gives in, "fine fine fine." She says breathlessly in between laughing. "You're so annoying!"

SAMMY

Sammy laughs along with the girl, stopping when she gave in. He pulled back and bowed down to her. “Thank you, I pride myself in it.” He smirked and leaned over and kisses her gently. “Now what’s the issue dear?” He asked he wrapped his arms around her neck.

KITTY

"Oh thank God." She says thankfully as she catches her breath, her eyes rolling when he bows in front of her. He was defintely an idiot... but he was sort of her idiot. Kitty leans into his kiss and fidgets with his shirt idly as he pulls away. "You're sweaty." She remarks, her lips twisting. "You really should shower." Mostly shes just looking for a way to delay talking about her feelings at this stage."So im clear, are you complaining that I'm too nice?" Was that even a thing? Kitty sighs quietly and somewhat frustratedly, knowing now they lived together there really wasnt anywhere for her to run to.

SAMMY

“I’ll shower after we talk.” He said with the raise of an eyebrow. He purses his lips and bobbed his head as he thought of the right way to phrase his thoughts. “Not necessarily complaining, cause don’t get me wrong, you being nice... is nice, but it’s also kinda weirding me out. Considering how sassy and sarcastic you normally are and you haven’t made any snarky comments, not even about my pictures with Lana on the the red carpet... I’m actually shocked I didn’t get an earful about that,” he rambled and continued “not that I like want you to be upset with me but, I just... I feel like you’ve been tiptoeing around me cause I’ve been sick.” He finally spit out.

KITTY

"You were expecting me to get upset about those photos?" She snaps back, pushing him away a little. "Was that the point? You cuddle up to your co-star and see how long it takes for me to realize that's what you want?" She shakes her head, scoffing under her breath. "I didnt say anything because I was trying to trust you." Mostly true. She hadn't said anything because she didnt want to fight with him again. "And for the record, I'm not tiptoeing around you because you've been sick. I've been tip toeing around you because I'm delaying the inevitable. We stopped having sex for a while, you got sick and now it's... awkward. It's all just awkward. And I get it, I'm not a nice person, so just leave if it's so weird. Go and be with Lana or whoever you want to be with. You've basically beat the record for how long someone has stayed at this point so congrats, you'll get a prize in the mail. But I'm totally keeping Dude."

SAMMY

Sammy shook his head. “Woah, no, no, no. I didn’t think you’d get upset... I just thought you’d make a snarky comment on her outfit or something.... babe. I don’t want her.” He reassured her. Or at least he tried. He honestly didn’t mean anything when he mentioned the other girl, he half expected Kitty to laugh it off but boy was he wrong? “Have I really not proven myself by now?” He asked a little hurt if he was being honest. “The inevitable? Kitty, why are you so damn adamant that I’m going to break up with you? When everything I’m doing is leading to the exact opposite? I moved in with you, I moved states for you. Fuck, id marry you right now if you were down. Which, I know you’re not ready for, by the way so I won’t ask you.... but the awkwardness between us is only on your side. I don’t feel awkward when I with you. Us not having sex was definitely not because of you and you know that. And you know what? I like who you are. I like everything about you.” Sammy brought his hands to his hair, scratching his head in frustration. “Fuck, even you getting angry at me all the fucking time makes me love you....” he sighed and took a few breaths. “Look. I know I’m more friendly with people than the average person but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or I’m looking to leave you or cheating on you for that matter. I love people, I love my friends and fuck if I don’t love you the most... I love you so damn much. You need to learn to trust me, Kitty. I’m not the other guys you dated. I’m not ghosting you or leaving you for my next coworker live interest... I know It doesn’t seem like it but I have a pretty good head on my shoulders and know what I’m doing and what I want. And it’s you. I don’t know how else to say it or spell it out. You drive me fucking crazy.” He said, biting his lip with a small smile tugging at the corner. His heart was honestly so full and even though they were fighting, she’s the only person worth fighting for.

KITTY

Kitty was mad. It was as though every feeling she’d had since finding out Sammy was sick was coming to the surface and the easiest one for her to grasp right now was anger. She’d watched him “date” his co-star before, and maybe that was why everything with Lana caused her to spiral so much more than normal... But he really hadn’t helped the situation either. She chews on her bottom lip as she listens to him speak, feeling less angry as each moment passed. Sammy didn’t often speak this much, and she knew him enough to be sure he wasn’t acting or reciting some cliche speech right now. Kitty also knew she should probably just move on, but she’d spent what felt like forever now not having the last word and being ‘relaxed and nice’ about everything, she didn’t have it in her to do it right now. “More friendly? You were basically making heart eyes at her on the red carpet, Sammy. And we both know i’m nothing like her -- for one, when I wear hair extensions they don’t look tacky and cheap.” She shrugs, sighing in frustration. “I love you, you idiot. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. I got over every loser that’s ever hurt me, or left me for someone nicer, or better, or sexier... but I don’t want to get over you, so if you’re not planning on breaking up with me I’m gonna need you to put it in writing that you’re not going anywhere. Because I’m so damn sick of not being enough for people.” She lifts her eyes to meet his. “I’m also gonna need you to stop freaking smiling!” She says, hitting his chest gently before resting her forehead on him. “God, you’re so annoying.”

SAMMY

Sammy chuckled, he couldn’t help it. “It’s Lana, and she has a boyfriend, either way, our relationship is totally platonic. Like I love her to death but like my little sister.” He explained to Kitty, hoping she would get it. He took her hands in his and quirked his brow slightly with a small smile. He didn’t know what overcame him but what he was about to say, it just felt right. “You want it in writing?” He asked as he kisses her head and pulled away from Kitty slightly to get down on one knee. “Marry me, Kitty.” He says gently, looking up at the girl, suddenly feeling very nervous and actually scared. His voice had the slightest shake to it as he continued to speak, getting more emotional as he went on. “I-I know it might be too soon but to me it just doesn’t feel soon enough... I know you’re the one for me. I think I’ve known since the day I met you...” he bit his lip, laughing at himself for getting so emotional. “Gosh, I’m so lame.” He said under a shaky breath. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you and fighting for you and alongside you...” he brought her hand to his lips and kisses it. “I’m so in love with you, Kitty Wilde.”

KITTY

Kitty's eyes widen as he pulls away and moves onto his knee. She almost laughs because there's no way he could possibly be proposing... unless he was proposing they shower and order Chinese food. "Sammy..." She wants to stop him. Because this was not how she planned on this conversation going. She was a mess, they were standing in their kitchen surrounded by half done dishes and burnt inedible food, and they'd just spent the past ten minutes arguing. And then she hears his words -- the words -- and her heart stops beating. Was he serious? He looked serious. He sounded serious. "Sammy..." She repeats herself as she tries to remember how to breath, let alone talk. "I... This..." She shakes her head, and takes his hand to pull him up. "Stand up, stand up, stand up. That's not what I was getting out." She reassures him. "I love you... so much. But you don't have to propose to me because I'm scared you're going to leave me. That's my problem, Sammy. Not yours. Just...umm... write it on a post it note or something."

SAMMY

Sammy’s heart was beating at what felt like a thousand beats per minute. He knew it was a long shot but yet he still hoped she would say yes. Yes, maybe part of him did it to reassure her that he wasn’t going anywhere but most of it was because he couldn’t wait to officially spend the rest of his life with this girl. He wanted this not just for her but for him. He took another deep breath as he stood to meet her. “I...I know this isn’t what you were getting at... and I’m not just saying this to make you feel better... I- I was serious when I said I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And yes I’m terrified.” He took another moment to breathe, grabbing one of her hands and placing it on his chest, over his heart, where she could feel it still beating unbearably fast. He let out a nervous laugh. “But I’m also so, so sure that you’re the one. You’re it. And I don’t want to spend another day with anyone, anywhere doubting that. Especially not you.” He nodded and then went to reach for the drawer beside her to grab the stack of post it’s and a random purple pen, scribbling something quick on it. “So...” He said as he brought of the little piece of sticky paper to her, the words ‘Marry me?’ Scribbled on it.

KITTY

Kitty was speechless. She could feel the beating of his chest and hear the way his breathing was different. But it was... sudden. Even if sometimes it felt like they were together for a lot longer, it was so sudden. She swallows and takes a deep breath as she tries to unscramble her thoughts through the sound of her own heart pounding way too loudly. God, why couldn't she think?? "You're still sweaty." She muses quietly with a small smile on her lips. He pulls away to get a post it note and in that moment Kitty's positive he's realized he's insane and is taking it all back. But if she wasn't sure how she felt before, she was even more unsure now. Taking it back might have been the smarter more rational decision, but if the way her stomach sank was any indication maybe it wasnt the one she wanted after all. Nothing with Sammy had been normal. From the moment they met Sammy had surprised her. He was crazy, and unpredictable... and possibly got too attached to his co-stars. But he fought for her. A lot. It didnt seem to matter how many times she pushed him away, or how many times she doubted him, he stuck around. He was the last person she thought of before she went to sleep at night and she loved that his face was the one she got to wake up to. Her whole life she had been trying to prove to someone that she was worth it -- her parents, her friends, her coaches, her boyfriends. But with Sammy? He didnt ask her to be anything other than herself. He didnt want or need her to prove anything. Being with him wasnt always easy... but she really did love and care for him more than she did herself. Which was... different and new.Kitty ran her fingers through her hair a little nervously, looking down at their puppy who clearly decided he'd had enough unsupervised destruction around the apartment and made his way back into the kitchen. She lifts her eyes to the post it note Sammy was now holding in front her, and she couldn't stop her face from lighting up. The blonde wasnt good at emotions, she tended to over talk and say the wrong thing, generally offending someone. But she knew how she felt in this moment. She chuckles and picks up the purple pen from the counter top, quickly taking the post it not from his fingers and scribbling below his words. There's a smile on her lips when she hands it back to him, her own words simply saying 'Yes.'

SAMMY

Sammy grew more and more nervous. Kitty being quiet about it all didn’t really help either. He half expected her to just push him away and leave the room, maybe just end things for good... god, he was stupid. He didn’t want to scare the girl away and now he was on the verge of a meltdown with how quiet they boy were. He then sees the small smile on her lips and she comments on the newly dripping sweat running down his chest. The nerves and excitement making him sweat like a pig. Still she hadn’t answered but the smile seemed hopeful and Sammy returned the small smile, waiting for an answer as his heart continued to pound in his chest. Wow, waiting was exhausting. He felt like he’d ran a marathon. He watches as she turns to pick up the pen, thankful she made the next move cause Sammy was close to a full blown anxiety attack, and she also take the note, writing something below it. It was fast and Sammy honestly has no idea what it says but he’s still hopeful. She then shows it to him and now Sammy’s the one who’s speechless. He grabs the note from her hands and pulls it closer to his face, reading it over and over and over and over. It’s in her handwriting, this was real, she said yes. He lets out a relieved sigh and looks at her with a huge smile. “Wait, really?” He asks.

KITTY

Kitty watches as Sammy takes forever to read the note. That was what he wanted, right? It was what she wanted... surprisingly. And just as she questioned herself, the look on his face answered her. "Really." She nods, grinning like an idiot and still not sure how arguing about his co-star had led to him proposing."I love you. And the idea of not having a future with you terrifies me more than being with you forever. So... yes." She says biting down on her lower lip to try and stop herself from smiling so much. "God, you make me way too cheesy." She lifts herself up on the counter behind her and wraps her legs around Sammy to pull him closer to her . "So we're... engaged?"

SAMMY

Sammy swears his heart skipped a beat actually hearing her yes. He envelopes her in his arms, pulling her incredibly close to him, a yelp of excitement and happiness escapes his mouths and he rocks her back and forth and kisses whatever he can reach with his lips. He’s so happy, he actually didn’t know he could be this happy. He feels intoxicated and high and everything just felt right in the world. “Holy shit, yes. We’re engaged. I- uh I need to get you a ring...” He stammers “Tomorrow, we can go pick one out. Whichever one you want. Holy fuck, I can’t wait to tell my parents.”

KITTY

For the second time tonight Kitty finds a small squeal escaping her mouth when Sammy's arms wrap around her and his lips are attacking her. She's happy... Beyond happy. Her face actually hurts from grinning which until right now she thought was something people said when they were trying to be cliché and cheese. "You don't have to rush." She assures him, not caring about anything other than just being with him. She picks up the post it for a second, "We have this... it's basically the same thing as a ring. But we should probably do the whole meet the parents thing some time soon." Kitty laughs slightly and leans in to kiss him again, pulling away with smile when she needs to catch her breath. "You still have to watch the Kardashians with me tonight."

SAMMY

Sammy takes another deep breath and nods. “Okay.” He says softly, pressing his forehead against hers with a gently smile. “I’m so happy right now.” He told her with a chuckle as he pulled away to look at her. “Damn, I thought proposing would get me out of that...” he joked and laughed, shaking his head with a sigh. “It’s okay, I’d endure the Kardashian’s every day if it meant being with you.” He grinned. “Okay, I definitely need to shower now and then we can Ubereats some nice champagne and food and we’ll watch the Kardashian’s. Yeah?”

KITTY

"Nope." She chuckles, tilting her head with a smile. "You basically just committed to watching it with me forever and ever and ever." She nods at his plan and places a gentle kiss to his cheek. "Oh phew, I was hoping you would shower sometime soon." Kitty teases him, her legs still tightly wrapped around him. There was a part of her that didn't want to let him go, being here with him right now felt perfect and she so very selfishly didn't want it to end. "And then we should really celebrate... preferably without clothing. Actually definitely without clothing." She smirks, and finally lets go of him so he's able to leave. "I love you, hot shot."

SAMMY

Sammy chuckled at her snarky comment and pressed his lips to her neck, growling lightly into her skin with desire and leaving a few kisses to her skin before pulling away, biting his lip with a grin. “I like the way you think.” He said as he kisses her and pulls away with a nip at her lips. “I love you, too.”

#para: sammy #sammy #para: stuck with me #//there's not actually any ring #but there's no post it note emoji lol #and i really like emojis #{ about: wilde wedding }

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eamon-saunders · 6 years

Text

ASK ME ANYTHING PART 3 - Final

This will basically be my only text post, it’s going to be the questions I asked my creative, my thoughts on them and his response to them.

What was your first made piece and what are your thoughts on it now?

Justin’s Response: It looks like what it is - something made by someone just starting out!

It definitely does! I wish people had more of this feeling for their first work, it doesn’t look like the most cohesive and understandble piece, but you can tell it’s art and it’s had work put into it, and isn’t that all that matters (maybe not but I hope it is).

This was one of my first chosen questions, I asked for this one as I know my first piece wasn’t that great, and probably no one’s is, but it makes an artist less intimidating when you see where they started off, just like you.

How is it being a freelance designer and creative director, what's your favourite parts/least favourite?

Justin’s Response: I'm actually now the CCO of deviantART, but have been freelancing for ten years. I loved the ability to build and shape my own career and manage my own time. The perpetual tlack of security was difficult to deal with.

I wasn’t actually aware that Justin had taken yet another very large step in his career and became the creative chief officer of DeviantART. I’ve been writing reports and trying to replicate his work since I first started desiging, so I’m surprised I missed this step, however I’m excited to see what this job oppurtunity will do for Justin’s work. The first time I ever really fully considered freelance design to be a real job was when I had done some real research on Justin Maller and how he grew his own brand. He started in Melbourne as well, working part time in a small convenience store, slowly growing his client base, he realised he didn’t have to struggle at his part time job to live, he could do what he wanted. After this he quit his part time job and put all his effort into his freelance work. Today he is well known for both is commercial and personal work, I hope after University I will be remotely like his story.

I chose this question as I wanted to know a little more about his thoughts on working as a creative, and I wanted to give a little insight into what Justin did as a living.

How often do you stuggle with self confidence issues in your work, how do you combat this?

Justin’s Response: I don't, honestly. Sorry I can't offer you more here.

I was so surprised to hear this. After talking to many of the creatives in my class, and even some of the teachers admitting that they have doubts about their work and have periods where they dislike what they’re desiging, I thought it was just common practise for designers to hate their own work and think negatively about them. It’s refreshing to here however that some people can be that confident in their work, it’s a lesson most should learn from Justin.

What's your favourite and least favourite software and why?

Justin’s Response: I love Photoshop and Cinema4D. They're my tools, I've learned to know and love them. I don't like Excel.

I can get the excel hate, I never got the love anyway. This is pretty non-surprising, as said in my earlier question, I’ve been following Jusin for about 5 or 6 years now, all of which his pieces have had 3D elements and defintely been retouched/edited in Photoshop.

I asked this question because I was curious as to whitch adobe programs Justin used, and what his favourite 3D tool was, learning about excel was just a bonus.

Do you do much original idea sketching, how important is it to you in your creative process?

Justin’s Response: I do not sketch and never have.

This was also super surprising. I get Justin’s work is pretty hard to sketch, but I’ve rarely come across a desinger/creative that has NEVER sketched their ideas. If only he told me this a couple years ago I might not have spent so much time trying to improve my illustrations.

What is your skill level now in the adobe programs compared to when you first seriously started working within the industry?

Justin’s Response: I'm better at Photoshop now in that I can do more, but I was already quite good when I began. I don't use other Adobe software much. I've improved significantly in 3D since I began in the industry.

Eventually there is a cutoff point to the ‘skill’ you gain through adobe and other design programs, however you have to learn what else you can ‘do’ in the programs, which is what I assume Justin is talking about here. Whether that be from learning the tools more or learning new tools.

Where do you do most of your client work?

Justin’s Response: In my home studio.

Not much to say here, I was hoping to get a photo of his workspace but he didn’t seem too keen to supply it, which isn’t a problem, but some of the questions weren’t really able to be put into the booklet if he didn’t provide it.

What is your setup like? (PC, tablets, books, stationary etc.)?

Justin’s Response: It's just an iMac with an extra monitor hooked up to it. Nothing fancy.

Again was hoping for a picture, but I ended up using a picture he put on his twitter of his new DeviantART office setup which pretty much fit the bill of the question.

I asked this question as I wanted a stretched image across my booklet, or across a couple of the squares anyway, I didn’t get that image but I was able to make it work anyway.

How would you say Depthcore has inspired or affected your work?

Justin’s Response: Hugely. I built Depthcore at the beginning of my journey as an artist, it's profoundly shaped my thinking and aesthetic.

I was really excited to ask this question, I wasn’t super sure what kind of interaction Justin Maller still had with Depthcore, as I remember reading about the art collective he built years ago but hadn’t heard anything new from him since, and expected him to have moved on, but it’s good to hear that it has very much been a large part of his journey towards becoming a creative. I hope that in similar fashion, the time I spend with my cohort in my higher education days will shape and mold how and why I design what I design.

This was a must ask question in my opinion, due to Justin’s huge influece towards Depthcore, I think it’s necessary to include so that people know what he is included in.

Is there any major artist you'd like to collaborate with and why?

Justin’s Response: Many! Beeple, KAWS, Gmunk. I just like the way their minds work. I think melding our styles would result in an interesting output.

I had never heard of any of these creatives but they all fit Justin’s style and would definitely result in an interesting piece. I’ve always loved the colours of Justin’s work, I’d describe them always as ‘eye-candy’, so I think combined with these artists it could really embrace their style.

What do you think all future designers should learn?

Justin’s Response: If they want to be freelance - how to manage and run a business from the ground up.

This is important advice, and that’s what I had hoped to get from this question. I think no matter what any graphic design or creative will do some kind freelance in their life, whether it be for a friend or for a professional client, however if you really want to BE a freelancer, you definitely need to learn to run a bussiness as that is what mainly being a freelance artist is.

What did you think your career would be before Digital Art?

Justin’s Response: I didn't have much of a plan to be honest. Figured I'd probably write or act as that's what I'd been doing the most of my life previously.

Don’t all of us. I can relate very much to this as before beginning my higher education I wasn’t sure of my plan at all, if it wasn’t design, it probably would have been writing, but I don’t think I have the same passion for writing as I do for my style of design, regardless of the quality of it, I don’t think I’d’ have as satisfying of a career or life if I didn’t follow some sort of creative outlet path.

This is the end of all my questions, I’m really happy I was able to snag Justin Maller, he’s always been a huge inspiration and I’ve loved his work for years, I’m only dissapointed I couldn’t make a booklet a little more centred around him and his life and a little more in depth. Oh well maybe next report!

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