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zeijia · 9 months

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꙳ ⪩⪨. ˃ᗜ˂. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ᵎᵎ

featuring. BACHIRA MEGURU (≧ω≦)

info; you're Isagi Yoichi's younger sister, who's also Bachira Meguru's fuck buddy. Today was Meguru's birthday.

wc; 2.5k !!

cw. afab!reader, doggy style, praise, degration, belly bulge, size kink (if u squint), hair pulling, penetration, vaginal penetration, no protection

note; this was meant to be posted on meguru's birthday, but I got a lil late, teehee TT

ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+

You're Isagi Yoichi's sister, his replica. Many older people thought you two were twins, radiating the same energy, and looking alike. Today was one of his best friends' birthdays. And ofcourse, as the good little sister you are, you couldn't miss it! Yoichi's friends were your friends, too. There was no way you'd let yourself not accompany your brother whenever they host parties for each other.

But today was rather different. It was his best, best (self-proclaimed) best friend's birthday, Bachira Meguru's birthday. Honestly, you were scared to attend his birthday. Why was that?

Well, despite the fact he's your fuck buddy, you never know what he's got up his sleeve or what new idea came up to his mind with the accusation that his “monster” thought of it, and not him. Bachira and you had been going at it for a few months now, and your brother never suspected a thing. After all, if you two were to ever get in a relationship, it might affect their soccer career. If you two were ever to date, who knows just what could happen next, right? A break up could affect how they see and treat each other on the field, and you know damn well that if you two were to date and break up afterwards, it would also change how Yoichi views his best friend and soccer partner.

You knew how much a simple mistake could affect their whole career and friendship, which was why you both ended up going to this simple, yet effective, relationship status. Fuck buddies. You and Bachira both acknowledged that there would absolutely be no catching of feelings. You both would do the deed with no romantic feelings, whatsoever. But, unbeknownst to Bachira, you broke that agreement of yours. You were, infact, catching feelings for him.

However, you could never bring that fact up to him, you could never confess that you love him. You signed up for just fuck buddies, nothing more than that, yet here you are falling for him. But how could you not? He was just the sweetest. Calling you all those lovey-dovey endearments during sex, praising you so well, being gentle with you after doing it, and giving you lots of intimate aftercare. It was like he was your boyfriend. Alas, you had to tell yourself that all of his actions meant nothing. It had no romantic feelings or any of the delusional thoughts you kept to yourself.

So here you are, getting all dolled up in your mirror, fixing your hair and makeup whilst taking a look at your outfit for today. You didn't know why, but somehow, you added extra effort on your makeup and hair today. Thoughts crossed your heads on what could happen today, but you decided to play it cool yet there was still a part of you overthinking things through.

A knock from behind your door suddenly interrupted you and your thoughts, “Sis, are you done already? We're gonna be late, y'know? We only have like .. 30 minutes left, we might miss the bus.” Yoichi, your dear older brother, scolded you from outside your door. You slowly then made your way, opened the door, and left your room, facing your brother. “Sorry.. my eyeliner got messy, I had to redo it.” you explained. Lie. That was a lie. You were just in your room, overthinking things and how this day would progress. “Let's get going then, shall we? We don't wanna be late for Bachira's birthday, he's expecting.” Yoichi smiled, as he led the way downstairs.

You bid your farewells to your mother and father, and left the house. Yoichi and you were quick to board the train to Bachira's place, and you swear your mind was racing with thoughts. A million what ifs were present in your head, and thank God Yoichi was there to snap you out of it.

Yoichi disturbed you from your thoughts, and snapped you back into reality as he placed his hand on your hand. “Are you okay, Y/N? You seem anxious.” he questioned, in which you meekly responded with a smile. “I'm okay, Yoichi-nii.”

A few minutes had passed, and you and Yoichi had arrived at Bachira's place. Before stepping in, you took a deep breath, preparing yourself, and soonly entered the house. An instant later, his mother was quick to welcome the both of you. “Ah! It's the siblings, welcome, welcome. They're in the kitchen, baking. Join them! It will be fun.” Bachira's mother welcomed both of you warmly with a hug. “Hello, aunty. It's nice to see you,” Yoichi said, before you followed after with a nod. “I'm sure Meguru's waiting for you two. Go on, I'll be in the living room, cleaning.” she chimed, and not long, you two were making your way into the kitchen. Once you made it, you were both greeted with beaming smiles from close friends.

It was the usual guys who were here, and it was.. well, really messy in the kitchen. “Hey Nagi-! You aren't supposed to do that!” Chigiri hissed at Nagi, which Reo chuckled at as he placed the cake inside the oven. “Ah- how do you..?” Bachira seemed troubled as Kunigami noticed both of you enter. “Look who's late.” Kunigami jokes, as they turn their heads to look at both of you and your brother. “Isagi…! My life saver.. can you do this? this is such a hassle..” Nagi groaned, he was quick to call Yoichi over. Chigiri gave you a wave, and you felt Bachira's gaze on you. It made you.. tense up. You didn't know why, but it somehow gave you an anxious feeling.

“Y/N, care to help the birthday boy over there? He's been making a mess with the icing.” Chigiri requested and you complied, heading over to Bachira's station, standing right next to him as you noticed the mess on his apron and hands.

“You're making a mess, Meguru.” you chuckled, and grabbed the piping bag from his hand. “Sorry, sorry, I was having a little too much fun.” he cackled, and you sighed in response, continuing to put icing on the cake. This made you wonder, why didn't Reo just buy cake for Bachira? He was rich and all… but aside from that, you couldn't help but observe Bachira. He was wearing those regular plain house clothes, black tshirt, and just some regular shorts. But somehow that made him .. much more attractive. He took his apron off that was covered in icing, and placed it somewhere on the table.

“Why didn't you guys just buy cake?” you asked, curiosity lingering in your head as you tried to sway the thoughts of how attractive he was being right now. “I thought this would be a fun way to spend time with you guys.” Bachira answered. Oh, so this is what this whole baking thing was for. To be honest, it was rather a hassle, you had no experience in baking, and you were just randomly following along the lines of icing Bachira had made. As you remained silent, you felt his gaze gawk at you, he was so close, and you felt anxious, It gave you chills. You wondered, what could he be thinking?

“Hey Bachira, where's the piping bag?” Chigiri interrupted, causing the silence and his gaze to avert away from you. “Oh.. but Y/N's using it.. right, I left it in my room.” Bachira smiled, still silly as always. “Then go grab it! Don't give me a smile!” Chigiri barked at him, it was one of those playful fights. “Alright!” Bachira hummed, and prior to that, he disturbed you from your focus on applying icing on the cake, and asked you to tag along with him.

You agreed to come along, although it does make you wonder, why does he need you to come with him if he knows the way already? You two were walking past the halls, and made your way to his bedroom.

“Do you have an ulterior motive, Meguru?” you inquired, and you heard him lock the door. “Sharp as always.” he hummed, making his way closer to you, he was right behind you, and he hugged you by the waist, resting his head on your shoulder. Bachira was tall, he easily towered against you. “You look gorgeous today, is it all for me?” he grinned, his voice laced with malice, and you knew where this was heading. “Aw, giving me the silent treatment? Ya know I don't like that.” he continued to press himself onto you, hugging you tighter. His voice was playful and a mix of something dark with it, lust. “Come ooooonnn.. give me an answer, baby.” he hummed, he was starting to grow impatient, as you turned your head to the side, unsure of what to say.

“We don't have much time, so let's make this quick, yeah?” he added, and you felt his hand slowly making way under your skirt. “Meguru.” you stopped him, you were unsure if you wanted to do this, not in such a risky time and place, but you know to yourself that you'll just eventually succumb into his touch. He just gave you a chuckle, as his fingers found your panties, giving your clit a few rubs from your clothed cunt. His other hand slowly started to rise, placing itself on your boob. His hand giving light squeezes and massaging it, in tandem with his fingers on your folds.

A few mewls came out of your mouth, as you tried to stop yourself from being too loud or making any noise. It was risky to do it at this place, especially with the fact your brother and friends were there. They could barge in at any time and question what you two were doing, but those thoughts never stopped you from mewling under his fingers, he was still rubbing onto your panties, and you felt yourself getting soaking wet.

“Alright, let's be quick, bend over.” he demanded, his voice stern, it was as if he owned you (he does own you), and it was so… so hot? You quickly did what he demanded, bending over, your head pressing onto the nearby desk and holding onto the edges of the desk for support. This sight was one of the best for Meguru, having your ass up and face down, all soaking wet for him, too. It made him hard as fuck. “be.. be gentle, meguru..” you murmured and shifted your head to take a glance at him. A cheeky scoff left his lips as you saw him pull down his shorts, and his boxers in a swift motion, revealing his hardened length to you.

“don't worry, love, I'll be gentle.” he assured you, and a smile filled with mischief followed that. You couldn't tell if he was being for real or not, especially with that smile he gave you.

You repositioned your head back, facing the empty wall and gulped down the lump on your throat, preparing for whatever Bachira had in store for you. You felt his dick slap against your soaking pussy, and a few thrusts just outside your hole, making you grow impatient. “hurry up.. megu- ah!” you tried to tell him, and you were quickly stopped when he inserted his whole length inside you, completely bottoming out, earning a whine from your lips. “so impatient,” he commented, slowly thrusting in and out of your cunt, and a few groans and grunts coming out of him. “so tight, too.” he murmured, and you could basically see that shitty grin on his face just with the tone of his voice.

After a few slow and shallow thrusts, he picked up his pace, and started thrusting harder and faster in you, causing you to roll your eyes back to your skull, and sinful moans escape your lips. Bachira truly never failed to make you feel good. He always had, you loved it whenever his dick would pound on you from behind, his fat cock would also create a bulge on your tummy, just to show how big he was. His hand made its way to your stomach, pressing down on the bulge his dick created. “see that? so naughty, you're taking me in so well.” he muttered out between his groans and grunts, while he slightly leaned over, his other hand traveling on your back and heading towards your head from behind, pressing your face on the desk, his hand had a grip on your skull, and he leaned in, whispering in your ear. “you like that? yeah? you like being dominated? such a dirty girl..” he mumbled, his husky voice ringing in your ear, and you let out another pornographic moan. Tears were starting to swell up in your eyes, you were thankful enough that you decided to put on waterproof makeup for today. “I'll take that as a yes.. your pussy's gripping me so tight-!” he grunted, before raising himself back again, and grabbing you by the hair, pulling you closer towards him and raising you as he continued to pound on your cunt. “your such a fucking slut.” he scoffed, his arm wrapping around your waist for support, to stop you from falling. His hand traveled down you, finding your abused clit from earlier and started toying on it again, sending you twice the pleasure.

You were fucked out at this point, no matter how many times you and Bachira did it, you would always be dumbed out by his fat cock. Your poor pussy always bullied by his cock. You couldn't even utter out a word to defend yourself, all that left your lips were blabbered nonsense, moans and mewls. “there there, I know your a whore, my whore.” he coos, and you felt yourself tighten around his shaft, the mix of his sweet words and those degrading endearments made you tight, you felt a knot on your stomach, you were about to cum, all because of this stupid guy. “boutta cum now, are ya? go on, milk my cock.” he encouraged you, his voice had a manipulative ring in it, everything that left that mouth of his had you weak on the knees, and you did just what he said.

You came on his cock. Your knees trembled, your shoulders tensed up, and a loud, long, moan of his name came out of your lips. Your face fucked out, as he came in just right after yours, painting your walls white.

A sticky 'pop!' sound was heard once he pulled out, your pussy oozing with his cum. “you did well, princess.” he praised you, with a kiss on the cheek. “let's get you cleaned up and go back, okay? Wouldn't want them suspecting anything now.” he smirked. Those words. Those exact words. You hated them, yet, loved them. He would always be so kind after sex, calling you all these lovey-dovey shits couples call eachother. He was giving you mixed signals. You dont know how long you'll last with him being like this, but you don't want it to end either. Which is why, you'll keep your mouth shut, for now.

You two were quick to clean up the mess you and he made, and grabbed the piping bag from the drawers and hurriedly returned back to the kitchen. “Chigiri, here ya go!” Bachira sang, handing Chigiri the piping bag. “what took you two so long?” he queried, raising an eyebrow of suspicion against you two. “The piping bag was missing.” you brushed off, an awkward laugh following after, and Bachira nodded in agreement. Somehow, you both managed to convince Chigiri, and just went back on the usual work.

what they didn't know was he had you all fucked, and his cum stuffed up in your cute pussy.

#bllk x reader #bllk x you #blue lock #blue lock x reader #bachira meguru #bachira meguru x you #bllk smut #blue lock smut #blue lock x you #bachira meguru x reader #bachira meguru smut

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queenshelby · 1 month

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An Illicit Affair

Part 23: Stalker

Pairing: Cillian Murphy (46) x Reader (23)

Warning: Age-Gap, Taboo Relationship, Infidelity

One week on...

Several days had passed since your affair with Cillian came to light and it came much to your surprise when, on Friday morning you saw something strange by the side of your block.

For the past four days now, there had been a black Mercedes lurking in the shadows of wherever you went and, if it wasn't for one part of your mind telling you not to be delusional, you thought that you were being followed.

Thinking about how absurd being followed sounded though you almost shook it off as a figment of your imagination or perhaps your guilty conscience exaggerating, but something about all this felt rather odd and even your best friend Enna agreed.

"The car is there again," you pointed out to Lucy as the two of you walked to the hospital together for your shift. " And I swear, it's been there the entire time. I could see it from the window upstairs."

Lucy raised an eyebrow at you, her curiosity piqued. "Are you sure it's the same car?" she asked, skepticism clear in her voice.

"Yes, I'm sure," you replied firmly. "Look, it's right there," you said, gesturing towards the parking lot. "It was parked outside the hospital yesterday too when I finished up my shift and I have seen it before in front of Cillian's unit,"

Lucy glanced over in the direction you were pointing and noticed the black Mercedes parked a few rows over. "Okay, fine. It does seem strange," Lucy conceded reluctantly. "But maybe it's just a coincidence?" she suggested, the doubt evident in her voice.

You shook your head adamantly. "No way, Em. It even parkes in the same spot every day. I'm telling you, someone is watching me."

Lucy gave you a concerned look, her normally bright and cheerful expression replaced with a more somber one. "Have you reported this to the police?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

You sighed heavily, your shoulders slumping in defeat. "I can't really go to the police with this, Em. I mean, what am I going to tell them?" you asked, sighing deeply. "That I have been having an affair with my ex-boyfriend's father and now I suspect that his crazy ass wife might be stalking me?" you said, feeling utterly ridiculous at the mere prospect of uttering such ridiculous and scandalous words out loud. "Oh, and by the way, he is a famous actor too and she almost leaked a sex-tape of us after hiding a camera in his bedroom," you added sarcastically, rolling your eyes.

Lucy nodded understandingly. "Yeah, maybe not the best approach," she admitted. "But have you tried talking to Cillian about it?"

"No, because he already has enough shit to worry about," you told her, thinking about the turmoil that your affair had caused in his life. From the moment that Max had walked in on the two of you, nearly everything had spiraled out of control. Max had was refusing to speak to his father, and Danielle had threatened to ruin his career by leaking the sex-tapes if he didn't end things with you immediately. In the end, Cillian's attorney filed for an emergency injunction to prevent her from leaking the tape whilst, at the same time, serving her with divorce papers.

"I get that Y/N, but his wife is a nutcase. I read the medical files and whilst I do think that you are a little paranoid right now, you should at least talk to him about your concerns, just to err on the side of caution I mean," Lucy implored, her eyes fixed on yours, searching for understanding.

"I know, Em, but I don't even know where we will go from here," you confided, feeling the tight knot in your throat as you spoke. "We aren't in a relationship or anything and I feel like I need to give him some space right now. I don't want to burden him with my paranoia," you added, the words heavy with resignation.

Lucy nodded sympathetically, her heart going out to you in this moment. She knew how much you cared for Cillian, but she also knew the impact of the situation and the weight of the decisions that now lay before you both.

"I know Y/N, but you are still sleeping with him, are you not?" Lucy asked, concern clouding her features as she looked over at you. "Because his ex could have gotten wind of it and do something stupid now," Lucy worried.

"Yes, we slept with each other once since the incident at his house. He's been in Ireland mostly," you admitted, your voice barely audible. Emotion clogged your throat as you recalled the tenderness in Cillian's touch, the gentle brush of his lips on yours that had made you feel wanted and desired despite the turmoil in your lives. But that one time together had only added fuel to the wildfire of passion that could not be contained anymore. In spite of the chaos, you couldn't resist the temptation, and neither could he.

"And what did his lawyer say? Didn't he make it clear that you should keep your distance from each other at least until the separation hearing was over?" Lucy asked, another wave of concern sweeping over her.

"He did, I know. But we were careful. We met at a hotel, not his apartment," you explained, sighing deeply as you reflected on the intense, passionate encounter. "Cillian was upset and asked if he could see me. I could hear it in his voice that he was struggling so I said yes," you admitted with a shrug, your tone nonchalant and yet, cracking with emotion, evidence that you were still reeling from the gravity of the situation.

Lucy shifted her weight towards you. She hadn't seen you this distraught since your father's death and witnessing your heartbreak now made her feel helpless and frustrated.

"Okay, let me ask you something, Y/N," Lucy stated, searching deep into your eyes as she chose her words carefully. "Do you truly love him? I mean, enough to deal with all this drama and keep seeing him despite the potential backlash to your career if this comes out?" Lucy's voice was soft and sincere, her gaze steady on yours.

You let out a pained sigh, your shoulders slumping with the weight of the question. "I don't know, Em. All I know is that I've never felt this way before, and I can't seem to shake him off. Not that I even want to. I just wish things were different, you know? That we had met under other circumstances, which wouldn't make it so bad," you sighed, your voice trembling as you spoke the words.

"I will always have your back Y/N, but just think about it for a minute," she began, her tone gentle yet firm. "Cillian is over twenty years older than you. His family dynamics are a mess, and he is your ex-boyfriend's father nonetheless which means that, if it was to come out - and it will come out eventually - then the press will have a field day with it. Your life and career will be covered in headlines that will ruin everything you've worked for thus far," Lucy warned, and she was right.

But you struggled to push Cillian out of your mind. He was charming, experienced, passionate, and so unlike Max. The attraction was instant and undeniable.

"I know that, Lucy. I know that it is reckless, but he makes me feel things I can't even describe. He is not just a fling, not just a temporary high, but someone who understands me, someone who fills in the spaces that no one else ever could," you confessed while walking side by side with Lucy, the hospital already in sight.

Lucy nodded, letting out a deep breath. "Then you need to protect yourself and be prepared for whatever comes next," she advised, as she touched your arm comfortingly. "That includes talking with Cillian about your potential stalker," she told you and, just as you approached the hospital entrance, the black Mercedes pulled up as well.

"This is ridiculous. I am going to confront this woman," you declared, breaking away from Lucy to stride towards the parked car but Lucy stopped you.

"No, you won't! It could make things worse," Lucy warned, grabbing your arm to stop you.

You paused, considering her words. "You have a point," you said, taking a deep breath.

"Talk to Cillian about it and let him deal with his crazy ass wife," Lucy told you. She knew how dangerous Danielle could be as well after having read her medical files and knowing about the threats she had made against you and Cillian.

"I will talk to him tonight," you assured Lucy, making up your mind but, just as you walked into the hospital's reception area, you were met with yet another surprise as Max was standing there, seemingly waiting for you.

"Max!" you exclaimed, your heart sinking to the bottom of your stomach as you saw the cold, hard look in his eyes. "What are you doing here?" you wanted to know, hoping that he wouldn't make a scene as, seemingly, he appeared somewhat intoxicated.

Max simply stared at you for a moment, his blue eyes full of anger and hurt before he blurted out something rather inappropriate to upset you.

"You are such a fucking home wrecker, you know that?" Max spat bitterly, with a drunken slur, causing you to wince at his unforgivable choice of words. "My father is divorcing my mother because of you!" Max snapped, jabbing a finger at you as his anger started to boil over.

"Max, please! Not here!" you told him sternly, looking around at the people in the hospital lobby who were casting curious glances your way. "Let's go somewhere private and talk."

"Oh, of course," he chuckled drunkenly. "You don't want anyone else to hear that you fucked my fucking father," he snarled, the hurt and anger in his voice palpable.

People around you had started to stare as Max's voice had risen. You could feel the heat rising to your cheeks, the discomfort and shame building up in the pit of your stomach.

"Come with me. Now," you hissed firmly under your breath, gripping tight onto Max's forearm as you dragged him away from the prying eyes in the hospital lobby, his words stinging your heart with an unbearable pain.

You had never intended for such chaos to unfurl when you became entangled with Cillian, knowing fully that your actions carried the potential for significant collateral damage. But yet, here you were—plunged into murky waters, powerless to stem the tide of destruction.

In a small consultancy room, a few corners away from the main lobby, you closed the door behind you and spun around to face Max, whom you hadn't seen since the disastrous confrontation in Cillian's apartment.

"Max, listen to me," you began, your voice low and soothing as you tried to reason with him. "I never meant for any of this to happen. Your father and I—we never planned for any of this. We just connected and one thing led to another," you continued before Max interrupted you.

"You slept with my father! Do you know how fucked up that is?" Max said, his words slurring together. "Is that like a thing you are into? Some kind of fetish?" Max sneered, his dark eyes flashing angrily at your words. "Or did you sleep with him because he is famous? Is that it?" Max went on, unable to contain his disgust. " What the hell is wrong with you, Y/N?" Max demanded, his voice shaking with emotion.

You swallowed hard, the lump forming in your throat as you struggled to find the right words to defend yourself but nothing came out.

"This is so disgusting," Max muttered, his anger slowly giving way to sadness as he slumped down into one of the faded leather consulting chairs, staring blankly ahead as he tried to process the turn of events. "God, we used to date and now you are sleeping with my dad. How low can you get?"

You took in a sharp breath at his words, trying to find purchase in the face of his bitterness yet being unable to deny the devastating truth behind it. You couldn't explain to him the intimacy and the connection you shared with Cillian—things that went beyond sex. Things that Max was not privy to. Things that you had never experienced in your previous relationships either.

So, you decided not to divulge too much at that moment.

Instead, you opted to stand there, silent for a while, allowing Max to gather his thoughts. The atmosphere in the room had grown thick and heavy.

Finally, you took a deep breath. "You have every right to feel angry, betrayed, and confused," you began to explain. "I can assure you that what happened between your father and me was never intended. It just... well, it happened and I, uhm, I am in love with him," you admitted softly. You buried your gaze into the carpeted floor, the weight of your guilt and embarrassment making it difficult for you to face him. You could feel the temperature in the room drop significantly, as if it shares the same discomfort he felt.

"Are you fucking serious?" Max suddenly exploded, jumping up from his chair in disbelief and shock. "He's nearly twenty years older than you, for Christ's sake!" he was almost shouting now, his words reverberating off the walls of the small room, causing you to jump in your seat. "Fuck, I know," he then said, chuckling. "You have daddy issues," he asserted before explaining himself. "Your father died and now you are fucking mine. It's like a sick fucking fantasy coming to life, isn't it?" Max said, a mixture of bitterness and disgust in his voice.

You couldn't help but feel as though he had slapped you across the face. The words he had just spoken to you were beyond cruel, and they cut you like a knife. Your whole body trembled with shock and anger, your hands shaking like a leaf.

Standing up to confront you some more, Max approached you. "So, tell me Y/N, seriously, how does it feel to have someone old enough to be your father between your legs? Does it give you a twisted sense of pleasure or fulfillment? Because, Jesus, that is some seriously twisted stuff you have going on there in your head," Max went on. "It's a shame your own father couldn't fulfill those fantasies for you before he died and you had to go after mine instead," he then added with a sarcastic snicker, the cruelty in his voice visibly increasing and, by this point, you couldn't take it anymore and lashed out and slapped him right across the cheek.

"Enough!" you said with great emotion in your voice at the mentioning of your father.

Max had struck a nerve with his insensitive and derogatory words ad you stared at him in disbelief. His cheek was now flushed red from the force of your slap and, for a moment, neither of you spoke, caught up in the stunned silence that hung in the air.

"I never intended to hurt you or your family, Max. I deeply regret what has happened and I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused," you told him, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill down your cheeks.

"Save it Y/N! Just know that you ruined not only mine, but also my mother's life," Max spat bitterly, his words cutting you deeply as he turned around and stormed out the room.

Hot, angry tears trailed down your cheeks as you watched him leave, your heart heavy with guilt, regret, and sadness and when Lucy came to check on you, she found you slumped over the cold steel of the examination table in the consultancy room, your body trembling with sobs, your heart shattered into a million pieces.

You didn't need to tell her what happened, Lucy could read you like an open book. She took you into her arms and held you close as you cried for the hurt you had inflicted and the relationship that could never be salvaged.

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#cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy fic #cillian murphy fanfiction

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enthusiasticharry · 3 years

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the one where you and harry are keeping a secret from your brother, who happens to hate harry’s guts.

author’s note : hello everyone! i'm back with another fic, one that i can't believe i wrote so quickly to say the least. this is part of @harrystylescherry‘s playlist challenge. i chose drive on by miss charlotte clark because it is an amazing song, and i can only hope that i’ve don't it justice.

word count : 13.9k of a lot of angst, smut and only a tiny bit of fluff. i really don't know what happened to me.

please talk to me about drive on here. let me know what you think :)

But if we parted I'd be half-hearted So I'll leave the light on

As you were getting ready that evening, you knew that you were going to have to try your hardest to not show that you were absolutely dreading what was about to happen. The light sounds of Fleetwood Mac filled your room as you finished making sure that you looked okay. It seemed as though the longer that you looked at yourself in the mirror, the more you started to doubt that you actually looked okay.

You tilted your head to the side as you looked in the mirror, running your eyes up and down your own body as if to check that you’re at least presentable. Your outfit wasn’t too out of the ordinary, just a pair of black, flared trousers and a white knitted jumper because you knew that it is going to be quite chilly and you are going to be outside for a large portion of the evening and you make sure to pair it with some white trainers, ones that match so you start to feel a little more put together. Even though it certainly wasn’t the most out there outfit, it was okay and you had to keep reminding yourself of that.

Walking down the stairs, you could hear the mumbling of your brother, Isaac, in the kitchen, along with someone else’s voice that you immediately recognise as Daisy, your best friend. You’re not exactly surprised at their discussion, because whenever they’re alone in a room together you know that it doesn’t usually end up with them discussing sunshine and rainbows. The more you think about it, the more you struggle to determine which one out of the two of them is more stubborn, because they both are just as stubborn as each other.

“Baby sis!” You try not to roll your eyes at your brother’s greeting, “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

“We’re coming with you.” You respond, walking forward so that you can greet your friend with a hug. You knew that it was going to be a long shot of him letting you come with him, but if Daisy was too you knew that he wouldn’t be able to say no, and that’s why you go with her every single time. It’s how you’re cheated the system of having an overprotective brother.

“I thought you were going to Daisy’s for a sleepover?” He questions, and you nod your head.

“I am.” You smile, “But after.”

You walk over to grab yourself a bottle of water out of the fridge because you know that if you look at him in the eyes he’ll be staring at you in a way that you could do without. You know that he’s only saying the things that he is because he’s protective of you, but you also have to keep reminding him that it wasn’t the first time that you had gone out and been to a race with him, and it certainly wasn’t going to be the last.

Chugging down a bit of the water, Daisy extends her arm out to you and you pass the bottle to her, watching as she takes a sip before passing it back to you so that you can put the cap on. Even though you have been to the races before, that certainly didn’t meant that every time you did go you found yourself being more and more nervous for what you’re going to witness. It’s dangerous, and sometimes you feel a though you’re the only one out of all of them to notice that.

“Every fucking time.” Isaac shakes his head and you smile.

“Thank you.” You had an obnoxious grin on your face as you say the words, and you know it.

“Yeah, well. . .” He shakes his head, “Just come on and let’s get in the fucking car.”

The first time you went to one of the races, you remember not being able to focus on anything other than the fact that anyone could get really injured, or even die, at any second if they’re not careful. Maybe you were just too overly cautious, and you couldn’t ever find yourself focusing on the thrill and excitement of it all because you were too worried that someone was going to get hurt. It was even worse when the person you were worried about was someone you cared about like you did your brother.

“One of these days you will take me without putting up a fight.” You say, following him towards his car, “I don’t know when it will be but I can feel it.”

He looks at you as he opens his door, “That’s never going to happen. For one, I hate that you even come to where the races are held, more so that you stand and watch them.”

You shrug and climb in the car, “Mum and Dad don’t know that you race, and if they’re not able to be there and worry about your safety then I am going to be the one to do so. Can’t have you risking your life and at least not one of us being there.”

He shakes his head and tuts, “I’m not risking my life. It’s just competitive driving.”

You furrow your eyebrows and you hear Daisy chuckle, “You’re delusional.”

“Says you.”

The two of you hear a tut coming from the back seat, “I know the two of you are siblings, and this is just what I have to deal with, but sometimes I really do wonder whether or not you’re children hidden in fully grown bodies.”

“I’m not the child.” Isaac’s quick to say, “If anything, you’re the child!”

“Really?” You shake your head, “You must know that you saying that basically proving everything! You’re the child, Isaac.”

“God, I wish I’d never said anything.” Daisy shakes her head and you cross your arms over your chest, pouting slightly but trying not to make it too obvious because you really were trying to be the adult in this situation.

You and Isaac weren’t the closest of siblings, to say the least. The two of you never did much together and if you did it wasn’t voluntarily, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t care for each other because you certainly did. The two of you would protect each other without any hesitation, in any situation because that was the type of siblings that you were. That didn’t mean that you were friends, though, because you didn’t have to be. You loved each other, and you cared for each other, but you didn’t have to be friends with each other and you were both okay with that. It was was though you both had an unspoken agreement that you’d look out for each other in this way.

Turning onto the ever so familiar field, you know that it isn’t going to be long before your heart rate is going to feel as though it is beating out of your chest and your palms are going to start to get sweaty. You believed that you brother was good at what he did, he wouldn’t have gotten as far as he had if he didn’t, but even if someone is as good and as talented as he was that didn’t meant that accidents don’t happen.

There isn’t just that fact that your brother is good at the sport to contend with, but also the fact that some people who do it may not be as good as he is, and they could be reckless, and in drag racing, recklessness gets people in trouble. You knew that, he knew that and everyone who participated and watched knew that. You knew that there were some people there just to watch the race whilst getting drunk with their friends and you didn’t mind that because that was what it was there to do, but you couldn’t stand the people who were there in hopes that something did go wrong, just to see a little bit of action in their boring day to day lives.

You supposed that a part of your worry for these games were because you weren’t just worried about your brother, you were worried about somebody else also. Isaac stopped the car so that you and Daisy could get out but you hesitated before doing so. You looked at him, and he nodded at you so you nodded your head and again and got out. You stood and watched as he drove away, making his wear to where all of the participants line up their cars before it starts.

Your eyes follow him, all the way along the man-made little road on the field and to where the other cars were. That’s when you see him, stood in exactly the same place as he was a few weekends before this one and a few weekends before that, leant against his car and his arms crossed as he chewed some gum.

The insides of your stomach flutter, and not in nervousness but instead in the complete opposite way. He catches your eyes straight away, raising his eyebrows at you as you smile at him. You nod your head, trying hard not to let too big of a blush cover your cheeks and he nods back. That’s as far as your interaction with Harry can go at the moment, because if anyone saw the two of you communicating you knew that all hell would break loose and you certainly didn’t want to be around to see that.

The race was going to start any second, and you made your way over to where Daisy was stood, knowing that she would have saved you a spot next to her so that you didn’t have to try and manoeuvre your way through the crowd to get a good spot to watch. You were relieved that you had arrived here not early enough to have to wait hours like you had before, because it was in the time like that where the overpowering feeling of worry was able to slip into you like nothing else and you would try really hard to overpower it but the majority of the time you never felt as though you could.

What YN worried about the most though, was the fact that whoever could be injured in the race, or something worse, were both people that YN loved. The two of them for different reasons, of course, but it was still love and all of the love you felt for them was important. You watched as they both sat in their cars, driving towards the starting line with such an ease that you wondered whether or not they’d be able to do it in their sleep. You wouldn’t be surprised if they could. You know that Harry has raced in hundreds of races, and you also know that your brother is quickly catching up to that, but that doesn’t make it any easier, for them or for you.

“Ready racers?” A woman walked in between the cars and held up a flag. Both her brother and Harry respond by a roar of their engine, “3! 2! 1! Go!”

You look down slightly once you hear their cars start, going along the man-made path and over all of the hills and round all of the bends. You only look down for a second before looking up and watching as they drive away from you. The people around you cheer, and Daisy even cheers from the side of you but all you can make up the courage to do is clap your hands slightly. Every time you stand and watch a race, you always say to yourself that you’ll never do it again because you don’t think that you’re heart will survive it, but then you always come back to watch the next race because you physically can’t keep away. Not when two people you love are doing something that you know could end badly.

They drive around, the two of them doing anything they can to try and throw the other off track but you know that it probably won’t work, because it works with everyone else but hardly ever with each other. You know that whoever wins will do so because of their speed, because that’s how it always happens when the two are up against each other. You stand there watching them drive for what feels like hours, the cheers only getting louder as the two of them fight for the first place prize.

As the finishing line draws to a close, they’re playing cat and mouse with each other, and you know whoever is next to cross in front will win.

It’s Isaac. Isaac won. You’re happy for him, but at the same time you know that Harry isn’t going to be the happiest but you’ll just have to remind him that he won last time and that he has to let other people win at some point. Your brother was cheering when he got out of his car, and you could see his friends bouncing over to him with smiles on their faces and drinks in their hands. You and Daisy make your way over, but you aren’t as excited they seem to see him.

“Are you two leaving now?” He asks and you and Daisy look at each other before nodding, “Satisfied?”

“Very.” You nod, “Well done.”

“Thanks.” He raises his hand up and points at you, “Am I picking you up tomorrow?”

You shake your head, managing to keep your cool as you did, “Daisy said she’ll drive me back. I don’t know whether you’ll be at work by the time we’re ready.”

“Sounds good. See you tomorrow.”

You physically let out a sigh of relief when you walk away and he believed you. You hate lying to him, you really do, but you just don’t see any other option to do what you’re doing without lying, which is horrible buy you really don’t know another wine.

Daisy slips her arm into yours as you walk away, “Where’s he meeting you?”

“In the usual place.” You nod, “I couldn’t see him when we were over there so I think he’s already gone.”

“Okay.” She nods, “I’m catching a ride with Dennis, will you be okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” You smile.

“Call me if you need anything?”

“You know I will.”

“Good.” She wraps her arms around you before pulling away, “See you soon?”

“See you soon.”

The walk to the edge of the field, just behind a row of trees that hide Harry’s car from the watchful eye of others isn’t a long one, and you can feel the butterflies bubbling in the pit of your stomach the closer you walked to it. Just as every time you did this, your stomach was in twists and turns tightly in your stomach until you have to place your hand upon it as though it would calm it but it doesn’t. It doesn’t calm down until you see the back of the man you loves head, a slight cloud of smoke around his head and his leather jacket on his body. A smile immediately broke out over your lips.

You bound over to him, immediately wrapping your arms around his waist and placing your cheek against the leather of his jacket. You can feel him tense underneath your touch slightly but once you hear and feel him chuckle, his whole body relaxes.

He hums, “Who might that be?”

He grabs your hands and lightly pulls them away from his body so that he can turn around and place his hands around her back. You grin and place your chin on his chest, laughing softly as he leans down and places multiple kisses around your face, “Harry!”

“What?” He grinned pulling away from you, shrugging his shoulders, “Do you not like my kisses or something?”

You chuckle, “I love your kisses, but don’t you think they can wait until we’ll out of public. Away from my brother.”

He pouts, dropping his head to your shoulder, “I suppose.”

Harry walks over to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for you. As you walked towards him, you placed a kiss to his cheek and slipped into the car. The nerves were back in your stomach as you watched Harry walk around the car and slip into the driver’s seat. The two of you don’t get to see each other as much as you’d possibly like to, so nights like these were special to you, and you hoped that he was just as excited and nervous as you were.

The second Harry was sat in his seat, and had started the car, his hand was on your thigh, squeezing the flesh through your trousers at you sat there. You really had missed feeling having him touching you, even though it hadn’t been that long. If it was up to you, Harry would be with you everyday and you would be able to kiss and touch him everyday without any issues, but you knew that just wasn’t the case.

You and Harry had been together for a little shy of three years now, hiding your relationship from literally everyone apart from a few trusted people on each side of you. It wasn’t that you wanted to hide, but you both knew that you just had to if you were going to be able to have the relationship that you had. When you were younger, Harry and Isaac were best friends. You could always remember sitting in the back of the car after behind picked up from school and being squashed into the door because the middle seat was always taken by Harry. You can’t quite remember why the two of them fell out, but you did remember that it happened when the three of you were around fifteen or sixteen.

It was a shock to everyone, because the two of them had been friends for the longest of times and Isaac did seem to be in a rut once it had happened. You had tried to talk to him about it a few times but he never said anything, so you turned to the one other person in the situation who might have to been able to help you. Harry. At first, he seemed to be completely shocked when you walked over to him one day after school and jumped into his car. He actually looked quite taken aback, but when you started asking questions about the falling out he just went quiet.

To this day you still don’t know what had happened between the two of them, but you do know that was the day that you relationship with Harry turned from being the generally acquaintances because you’re friends with my brother to something more. Harry was somebody who you had grown up with, and yes you could admit that he was handsome, but you’d never thought of him in a romantic way up until that point. A part of you wished that you had picked up on it early because you may have been able to kiss him sooner than you had but you were happy, and the two of you were now three years going strong.

The fact that your brother and Harry had fallen out, and when the two of you got together it was really rocky between them, you both decided that the best thing to do was just not to tell him, which led to not telling anyone. You had said that when things improved between the two of them you would tell him, but once the Drag Racing started, there was no way that it would ever improve between the two of them, and you just had to accept that.

Arriving at Harry’s apartment, it was almost as though your body was working on auto-pilot when Harry opened the door and you walked through. You kicked your shoes off by the door, walked into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water and made your way into his bedroom. Harry was already stood in the small room, placing his jacket in his wardrobe. You quickly started to undress, swapping your clothes for one of Harry’s shirts and a pair of your pyjama shorts. You walk into the bathroom to take your makeup off and brush your teeth.

“Have you had any more thought into our anniversary trip?” Harry called from the bedroom.

“I’ve thought about it.” You say, running your make up wipe over your eyes, “That’s about it.”

You can hear his sigh even from the other room, and your inside’s twists in not the good way. The anniversary trip had been something that the two of you had spoken about for a long time, and it would be coming in a few months and Harry had been on your back for a long time so that they could get it booked, but you were thinking about a lot of other things rather than booking a holiday. You did hate that you didn’t have anything more to say to him, because you knew that he was disappointed, but there was only so much that you could say.

“I’ll need to book time off of work soon, YN.” He appears only in his boxers in the doorway, leant against it with his arms crossed, “I need to know the dates.”

“I know.” You sigh, turning so that your hip was leant against the counter, “I still just need to figure out what I’m going to tell Isaac.”

Harry sighs and runs his hand over his face, “I know. We can think of what to say to him later, but as soon as possible can you tell me the dates.”

He walks over and places his hands on your waist and you nod, “I will. I’ll check when I get home.”

“Good.” He presses a kiss to your cheek.

You hated hiding things from Harry, you really did, because that man really was your soulmate and the person in this world that you told everything to, so it felt horrible to be hiding something from him. Hiding things from Harry felt like ripping your heart from your chest — you just couldn’t do it— but here you were, doing it without anything happening.

It had been a long night for the two of them, and you knew that even though Harry had a brave face on, you knew that inside he probably wasn’t too happy that he’d lost. The thing about Harry, and your brother for that matter, was that they are so competitive, especially with each other, that when either one of them loses they try to seem like they don’t care but they do. When you walked back into the room, Harry was already in bed with his arms crossed and his face in a sulk.

You sighed and walked over to your side of the bed, pulling the duvet back and slipping under. Harry didn’t even turn to look at you, so you wrapped your arm around his waist and placed your head upon his chest so that he couldn’t help but look at her. You knew that the main thing that you needed to do right now was try and get him out of the rut. It could spring on him at any point but it was never anything that was easy to get him out of. You sighed and pressed a kiss to his bare chest.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You mumbled against his chest.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He mumbled and you shook your head, lifting your hand up to push some of his hair out of his face.

“There obviously is.” You sighed, “You’re in your rut. Talking about it takes you out of it. I know that, you know that, but you’re just too stubborn to realise this.”

“I’m not too stubborn.” He pouts and you shake your head with a roll of your eyes, raising one of your eyebrows at him, “I just. . . fucking hate loosing to him. Talking about the anniversary, and I know why you haven’t said anything about it yet, baby, just reminded me. I’m sorry.”

You hesitate for a second before smiling at him, “I know you are, H, don’t worry. It’s my fault. I should’ve told you.”

“Don’t.” He shakes his head and leans forward, placing his hand upon your cheek, “Don’t apologise. I get that it’s hard for you, I know. I just. . . wish that I could take it all away from you. It’s my fault that you’re having to keep secrets from your brother.”

You shake your head, “It’s not your fault. I promise that it isn’t your fault. There’s been hundreds of times in the past three years when I could have told him.”

“It’s not just you. We need to tell him.”

If you needed anything else to love Harry for (which you really don’t because you love him with you’re entire being) you feel as though this would be one of those things. You couldn’t believe how understanding he was, and even though the two of you did have times where you butted heads on things, it was never over anything big like this. The two of you made sure that if you ever did have a problem that you needed to sort, there would be some arguing and shouting but there is in any couple, but the two of you always made up before it ended up turning ridiculous.

You turned your head to Harry and placed you lips on his, pushing his shoulders down with your hand so that he’s on your back. You move slightly underneath the duvet that you were both under, manoeuvring yourself so that you were hovering over his body, the two of your lips never separating. You were straddling him, your hands resting on the pillow by Harry’s head. Your hips ground against his boxers involuntarily, and you can feel him smiling against him. Harry moaned into your mouth, and you could feel his bulge growing harder and bigger beneath you.

Pulling away slightly you lean forward and place your forehead upon his, smiling as you place a small kiss to his nose. The hard and stern face of your boyfriend that you had seen earlier when he was racing had completely disappeared, and it was now replaced by his soft and flush features that he only ever saved for when he was with you, and you loved it. You could still feel his hard-on rubbing against your thigh, and you leant forward and placed your lips back on his. His arms wrapped around your waist and back, slipping them down until he could squeeze and knead the flesh over your pyjama short.

“You know I fucking love you, right?” He mumbles against your lips and you nod.

His hips continue to buck up to yours, whilst you grind yours back down to him. You pulled away and leant your head upon his forehead again, “I know you love me. You know I love you?”

He responded you flipping you over, his body now hovering over you. He gave you a boyish smile and nodded his head, leaning his head back down to place his lips on your neck, pressing small little kisses to the skin.

“I know you love me.” He mumbles against her lips, “Do you wanna feel me, baby? Have you missed me?”

You responded with a moan, the sound of his raspy voice goes all the way from your ear, all the way down your spine to the heat between your legs. You wouldn’t be surprised if your panties were completely ruined by now.

“Of course I’ve missed you.” You mumble against his lips, your cheeks flushing as you admit it to him. For years you two have been this close, but it didn’t stop you from being nervous every single time that you are near each other. It’s always how it had been, and probably how it will always be but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Tell me how much you’ve missed me.” He kissed down your neck, and you couldn’t help the smile that crossed you face as he did so, “Don’t hold back, baby.”

You threw your head back as he moved downwards, threading your fingers through his hair as you did so. You just hoped that it made him feel better than it was.

Walking home the next morning, your entire body was relaxed and happy in a way that it only ever is after you’d spent time with Harry. If you passed anyone in the street, you smiled at them and there was a slight bounce in your step. There was an excitement that there hadn’t been in you for a long time because you were going to look over your schedule and finally get yourself sorted for your anniversary trip with Harry. Walking through the door that goes into kitchen, you immediately walk over to the fridge to take the orange juice out.

“Morning little sis.” You jump out of your skin and turn around, leaning your back against the counter and lifting your hand up to your chest as it beats in your chest. Looking at your brother, it seemed as though he had just got back from a run, since he was all sweaty, he had his running shoes on and his headphones around his neck. Immediately your heart started to beat in your chest quicker, and the relaxation that you had felt before had immediately left your body and you feel back on edge as you do a lot of the time recently.

“Morning.” You grin, turning back around to open a cupboard to grab a glass that you could fill with the orange juice carton that you were still holding, “Been for a run?”

He nods his head, walking over to the fridge and taking out a bottle of water. When he wasn’t looking directly at you, a sigh escaped your lips. It was quickly over and he was looking at you again, leant against the counter across from you with his arms crossed.

“Woke up with the want to go for a run.” He explained and you furrowed your eyebrows, looking at him and he chuckles, “I know, totally unlike me but I really did just feel like it.”

You nod, your fingers tapping on the counter slightly, “Did you. . . did you go on your normal route?”

Isaac shakes his head, “I met up with D’Angelo. We went to the lake.”

Just like that, the worry that was in your body had left. The lake was on the other side of the town to where Harry lived, and where Isaac normally ran meaning that he couldn’t have seen you leaving Harry’s house which was good. You were starting to realise that the more you had to make sure that your brother hadn’t seen or didn’t know anything about you and Harry, the harder it was becoming for you to keep track of everything. The lie of staying over at Daisy’s had worked for years now, but the older that you got and the more that situations were changing for the two of you, it was harder to keep it as a lie.

“Was it busy?” You ask, trying to make conversation that made it seem as though everything was normal and nothing had happened.

He shakes his head, “Not really.” He hesitates for a second before looking up at you and tilting his head to the side, “I did see Daisy and Dennis though.”

And just like that, your whole body was back to being on edge and nervous. The only way that you could describe how you felt was a mixture of both shock and immediate nervousness. Isaac continued to drink from the bottle in his hand, with no malice or shock on his features at all. If he did know something, he would’ve had said something by now and you knew that because of how well you knew him and that’s in one of the ways how you were both similar — when you knew something, you couldn’t keep it a secret.

It was something that you had grown up with, your inability to keep secrets and you were honestly and truthfully so surprised that you and Harry had managed to keep your relationship a secret for so long. This wasn’t the first time that you had thought that Isaac had found out about your relationship, and it wasn’t the first time that you hadn’t been able to figure out how to get out of it but you knew that you would be able to get yourself out of it. You hoped that you would be able to get yourself out it.

You were started to get quite nervous though, with sweaty palms and a heart beating directly up against your chest. Your mind spiralled and you hoped that you were going to hear something that would stop your chest in the next few minutes.

“Did you?” You cleared your throat to make it seem as though you were more put together than you were.

He hums, “Yeah. They explained that you were walking home and that Dennis’ arrival was out of the blue.”

You nod and smile, your heart stopping to beat so quickly the second those words escaped her lips, “Yeah. He appeared and asked her to go on a walk before work later. I said that I’d just walk home so that Daisy could go. I think he’s going to ask her out soon.”

Isaac scoffs and crossing his arms over his chest, “I hope so. They’ve only been dancing around it for the last few years.”

You nod, “We’ve all said it. I don’t know how many times we’ve told her but anyway, I’m going to get in the shower before getting ready for work.”

You’re quick to walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs with your head spinning. The entire time that you’re getting ready, showering and doing your hair, standing in front of your mirror and looking at the marks that Harry had left over the entirety of your skin before putting your work uniform on, you’re thinking about what you’re going to do. Today you were going to book some time off work from the café during the week of your anniversary, and even though that Daisy would know why you were doing that, you didn’t have to tell anyone else there. When it came to being at home, and telling your brother why you were going to be leaving for a month whilst Daisy stayed at home was going to be hard to explain to say the least. You were going to have to think very carefully about what you were going to say.

Walking into the small café you worked at not that long later, you were happy to finally be in the place where anything else that happened in your life went to the back of your mind and you could focus on making drinks and serving customers. You had worked at the café since the day you turned eighteen, and you had worked there ever since. It wasn’t what you wanted to do forever, working in the little café with your best friend and your boss that is just an absolute asshole, but you just haven’t got the funds or was it the right time for you to try and get your dream going.

Your dream, albeit a big one, was to one day own your own café that sold your own treats that you made and looked the exact way that you wanted it to. You had been planning your own café and telling everyone you knew about it since sitting in your maths classes in middle school when you realised that school really wasn’t for you. You were okay in school, and you got good enough grades, but none to get you to what you wanted to do in life. Over the last three years, many of your conversations with Harry had been about your café and how you would work there whilst he would take over his father’s mechanical shop.

That was the plan for the future, but first — you had a shift to do and you had a lie to think of.

“Afternoon.” You mumbled as you walked into the small café, Daisy’s eyes immediately widening as she takes a look at you stood there, “How are you?”

“I’m sorry.” Daisy blurts out, not being able to stop herself from doing so, “I really didn’t know that he was going to be there, if I did I would have never gone there, you know that.”

“I know.” You walk over and wrap your arms around her shoulders briefly, “He doesn’t know, it’s fine. I shouldn’t be relying on you so much, Daisy, I know that. I’m trying to figure out what to do.”

“It’s okay, YN.” She mumbles, placing her hand upon your shoulder with a smile, “I know why you’ve done it, but I’m glad you’re finally coming to your senses. It’s three years too late, but at least you’re here.”

“At least it’s happening now.” You sigh, widening your eyes as you look at her.

“You’ll be fine. Everything will be fine.”

You sigh and nod your head, hoping that she was right.

You heard Harry’s car before you could see it, pulling up outside of your house in a quick stop so that you could quickly duck out and get it. Isaac was out for the night, doing another race in another town that Harry couldn’t do because he had work, so they had decided to spend the night together. Due to Isaac being out of town, they decided that they might even be able to go for a meal, to a restaurant, like a normal couple would.

You gave him a small smile and a peck on the lips as you sat in the car. There hadn’t been much discussion between you and Harry that week, not since you had left his that morning. It was odd, because the two of you spoke everyday, even if it was just to check that the other was okay, but the conversation this week had been limited to you asking him to come for a meal and him replying saying that he would. You always knew that this day would come, where the unspoken issue between the two of you had become too much for you to handle.

You had tried five times over the last week to say something to Isaac, trying to drop it in to normal conversation but you always dived away from it, as though you couldn’t allow yourself to say what you wanted to say to him. You had never been as nervous before in your life, and all you had to do was tell him about a secret that involved the one person that Isaac hated most in life and his twin sister. You just had to try your hardest to remind yourself over and over again that it was the best thing to do, and that you’d be happy if you were able to get the words out, but you just couldn’t.

The two of you arrived at a restaurant on the outskirts of the town you lived in, one that meant you would be safe if Isaac did return home and one that the two of you also knew would serve good food. The car ride continued without any words spoken between the two of them, and you tried your hardest to not feel the nerves bubbling inside of you, but you also knew that there was a reason why you were going to have this conversation with him, and there was a reason why you needed to feel nervous for it.

Sitting across from Harry in a booth that sat at the front of the restaurant, you couldn’t even bring yourself to take your eyes off of his face. There hadn’t been a lot of times during your relationship with Harry where you had felt like this, and it was usually always when the two of you were discussing the exact topic that you knew that you were going to be now. Whilst you couldn’t take your eyes off of Harry, it seemed as though he wanted nothing more than to not look at you.

“Hey.” He didn’t look up from the menu that he had in his hand, “Are you going to even look at me?”

You watch as he doesn’t even move a muscle, never mind do the thing that you wanted him to do which was look at you, “I’ve looked at you.”

“Not since we’ve sat down you haven’t.”

You watch as he sighs and drops the menu down so that it was rested upon the table between you and lifts his eyes up to look at you, “Happy now?”

A small smile breaks out your face, a sarcastic one at that, but a smile nonetheless, “Very.”

Harry rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. You look at him with your eyes widened. Why this was happening all of a sudden, you didn’t know, but you had a slight suspicion that you weren’t going to be able to argue your way out of this one with him like you had done in the past. The first thing that led you to believe that was the fact that you were in a public place, where you had to do your best to make sure that you were going to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.

As a whole, you were ashamed of your actions over the years, and you knew that you wouldn’t be able to apologise for everything that you had done in the past but you could at least try. Everything had changed now that you had your three year anniversary coming up, and you realised that there was so much more to life than trying to hide a stupid secret from your brother.

“Harry.” You start, a sigh immediately leaving your lips after, “I’m sorry. I really am.” He nods his head, “I don’t expect you to accept my apology, and I certainly don’t expect you to forgive me for the shit that I’ve put you through these last couple of years, but, I want to let you know that I am trying to fix things. I promise you.”

He sighs, “I don’t know how you can, YN. I’ve thought about it a lot recently, in the past week, since our conversation last week.”

“I have too.” You nod, your fingers messing with the hem of your jacket, “I have too. I’ve tried so many times, to tell him, but I just can’t and I don’t know why. He can’t do anything, I’m a grown ass woman and he’s just my brother. He can’t tell me who I can and can’t love, and I do love you Harry more than anything, but there’s a part of me that just can’t tell him.”

Harry cleared his throat and sighed, “I never told you the reason we argued.”

You shake your head, “Neither of you did.”

“Do you want to know?” He asked.

You shrugged, “I don’t know. . . if it will help, than yes.”

Harry sighed and nodded his head, running his finger over his bottom lip the way that you knew that he did when he was nervous, “We were in Eugene’s basement, having just watched one of his races and he had some shit, and we decided to take it. It was just us, everyone else had gone to do something else or get high somewhere else, and we were just sat.” You were hanging off of every word that he said, “We were taking about, I don’t know, life and all the shit that we usually do when we’re high and we got onto the topic of you.”

Your eyes widen, “Me? Why were you talking about me?”

“He mentioned you and how you wanted to do things with your life and how he was fed up that all he had to do with his life was race.” Harry chuckled and shook his head, “I couldn’t even help it, I just blurted out that I liked you and that I was going to ask you on a date, thinking that he would be happy for us, but instead, he punched me in the face.”

Your lips part, “He what?”

“He punched me.” Harry runs a hand through his hair, “And then he just started screaming at me, saying that scum like me wasn’t good enough for someone like you. The more he said it, the more I believed it and I believed it all the way until you got in my car and asked me to tell you what had happened. I didn’t, and I didn’t for a reason, because if I had told you maybe you would’ve thought the same as him, that I wasn’t good enough for you, so instead I asked you on the date, just like I had planned to.”

You let his words sink in for a while, the sound of them bouncing around in your head for a while as you look down at the table in front of you. You couldn’t lie and say that you hadn’t thought about what had gone down between them, and what had been said to make them despise each other as much as they did, but you certainly hadn’t expected it to be about you of all things. It started to all make sense now, how when you had asked him, after your first night together at his house, if he was okay that you didn’t tell your brother about the two of you being together, and he agreed. At first you had thought that it was odd, seeing as though this man didn’t know your motive behind why you were saying that, but at the same time, you didn’t know his motive behind why he said yes.

It all made sense.

You sigh and nod your head, “Why didn’t you just tell me? I would’ve understood. You know that I would’ve.”

He shrugs his shoulders, “Why didn’t you tell me about what you had been thinking? And what you had been trying to do?”

You shrug your shoulders, “I don’t know.”

“It works both ways, YN.” He shrugs, “And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you but a part of you has to realise that there was a reason you didn’t tell me and you didn’t tell him. I understand a part of you was trying to keep it calm between us, but there had to be more than that.”

You can feel the tears starting to brim within your eyes, and the more that you thought about it, the more that you knew you were going to struggle to hold them back. You start to blink quickly, lifting your eyes up to look at the ceiling. It worked, and you managed to make sure that no tears slid down your cheeks.

“A part of me did do it because I knew that it would be easier for you, that you didn’t have to tell him that you were my boyfriend. I knew how hard that would’ve been for you.” You explain, lifting your hand up to scratch your forehead, “So I decided that for a little while, I just wouldn’t tell him. At least not until things had calmed down between the two of you. After a few months of waiting was going to say something to him, just drop it into conversation and then walk out of it with my hands up but then I realised that it wasn’t going to be that easy. The day that I was going to do it, he walked into my bedroom with this big news that he was so excited to tell me.” You take in a breath and sigh, “It was the news that you were starting to drive, and that he was going to beat you that night and I knew that if I had told him, he wouldn’t have just beat you in the race.”

“I can stand up for myself, YN.”

“I never said that you couldn’t.” She shook her head, “I just didn’t want you getting hurt because of me.”

“I wouldn’t be getting hurt because of you. I’d be getting hurt because of something we did.” He explains, “Just like you can’t blame this all on me, and me on you, I’m not going to let you blame this all on yourself either.”

“Harry.” You sigh and lean back in the chair that you sat in, “We’re going to have to tell him.”

He shakes his head, “He’s not going to like it.”

“I know.” You agree with him and hold your hand out, “But we’ve got to tell him.”

“I know we have.” He grasps your hand in his.

It turned out that you and Harry didn’t have to wait for too long to tell your brother, because when Harry pulled up outside of your house, your brother was already sat there on the steps of the house, waiting for you to arrive home. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing if you were completely honest, and a part of you realised that this was it. You turned to look at Harry slightly, a sigh leaving your lips as you did so.

“You still want to do this?” He asked, pulling his keys out of the ignition as the car came to a complete stop.

You sigh and lean over to place your hand upon his, “I don’t think we have a choice, now.”

“We do.” He turned his head to look at you, squeezing your fingers as he did so, “I could just drive away. Ignore him.”

You chuckle and shake your head, lifting your connected hands up to place a kiss to the back of his hand, “Come on. He might explode if we keep him waiting any longer.”

You certainly couldn’t lie and say that your brother looked like he was handling everything well, because he certainly wasn’t. His jaw seemed to be constantly clenched the entire time that you walked towards him, and you definitely saw his hands that were clenched by his sides in fists. You knew that he was going to be annoyed, and you expected that there would certainly be some shouting involved with this, but, she certainly didn’t want this to become physical at any point. In your opinion, it certainly wasn’t worth it.

“YN.” You stop in front of him once he’s spoken your name, and Harry is just a few steps behind you. Having him there really brings a comfort that you don’t really feel unless you’re with him, so if anything, you were happy that he was there, “What are you doing with him?”

“I’m—” You start, looking at him for a second before letting out a sigh, “He’s—”

You can’t find the right words to say what you want to say. You knew that it wasn’t going to be easy to explain to your brother, but you at least thought that you’d be able to get past the first words without choking up, but it seemed as though that wasn’t the case.

“Isaac—” Harry takes a step forward, so that he was directly next to you but before he could say anything else, Isaac holds his hand out to stop him.

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Harry clamps his lips shut, and you can tell that he’s trying to hold back so many things but at least he isn’t making the situation worse which you knew that he possibly could. Isaac then turns to you, “I was asking you the question. What are you doing with him?”

Letting out a sigh, you shut your eyes for a second to calm yourself down, “I’m. . . we’re together, Isaac.”

He lets out a sigh and shakes his head, tutting slightly as he did so, “When Eugene told me, I didn’t believe him. I said that you’d never do that to me because you know that I hate him more than I’ve hated anyone in my life before.”

At first you listen to the words that he was saying and you nod along, as if you’re understanding what they’re saying, but you quickly shake your head and cross your arms over your chest.

“I’d never do what to you, Isaac?” You ask, your eyebrows furrowing as you say the words you were speaking, “I’ve fallen in love with someone, Isaac, I don’t think that involves you at all.”

“But you know I can’t stand him!”

“Still here, you know.” Harry mutters, lifting his hands up and walking away from them slightly.

You turn over to look at Harry and glare at him slightly before you turn your attention back to Isaac, “Why do you think I didn’t tell you? I knew that you’d react like this.”

“What? I’d react completely sane, YN?” Isaac scoffs and shakes his head.

“Sane?” You physically can’t believe what you’re hearing, “Isaac, you don’t have the right to act like this over who is my boyfriend. Yeah, I understand that you don’t like Harry and he isn’t particularly fond of you either, but you don’t have a say in that.” You stop slightly and let out a sigh of relief when you realise that you’ve got him listening, “I would completely understand if you were upset about me not telling you and lying to you, but that is what you can be mad at.”

He looks at you but then he shakes his head, and you know that everything that you’ve just said has gone and he couldn’t care less about it now.

“YN.” You know that tone of voice anywhere, and you couldn’t believe that he was still acting like this, “It’s Harry. You don’t know the shit that he said, and you don’t know what it was like to sit and listen to him saying everything he said about you.”

This time, it’s you who lets the words that he’s just spoken sink in for a while. If what Harry had said to you earlier was true, that all your brother had to be upset about was him saying that he liked you and wanted to ask you out. Now, you’re not exactly sure how the male mind works, but you’re pretty sure that Isaac can distinguish between someone saying that they like someone and something else. You turn to look at Harry and he looks down at the floor, and that’s when you realise very quickly that there was something else to the story that you didn’t know. The mere thought of it made you feel sick. What had actually been said that night?

“Isaac.” You turn back to look at him, “What was said?”

“YN.” He shakes his head, scratching his forehead slightly, “I don’t want to tell you.”

“Tell me.” Your words are harsh and you can tell by the way that Harry backs away from you that you’re about to be in for a real treat, “Tell me!”

“When we were in high school, we had this list.” Isaac starts, and you know that what he is saying is probably really important context but you just want him to get to the point, “And on this list, we’d rank who we thought were the most fuck-able girls in the school.”

Your entire heart plummets to the pit of your stomach, “That’s disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

“I am, don’t worry.” Isaac nods, “Harry never got involved with it, and we all knew why, because he was the good one who never cared about those things and everyone just accepted that. I certainly did.”

“Just get on with it, Isaac.”

“Well, we were in Eugene’s basement and we were high and drunk and everything was just a little blurred if I’m honest, but I asked Harry a question. I said, best friend to best friend, if you were to pick one person to go on the top of the list, and just be his one person and nobody apart from us would ever find out, he turned to me and said: you.”

You can’t figure out what your angrier at. You can’t decide whether it’s because Harry had actually said those words to your brother, degrading you in such a way that you had never ever expected him to or the fact that he had lied to you about what had actually happened. In honesty, you do think that thing that has upset you the most was that he didn’t tell you the truth. He could have told you what had actually happened earlier on in the day on you wouldn’t have cared, because you knew that he was high and drunk and he probably wouldn’t have meant it but the fact that he lied, made you feel sick to your stomach. It made you question whether or not he had lied to you at other points and you just hadn’t known because you were too naïve to see it.

You turn to look at Harry and he’s looking directly back at you, not at the ground and not anywhere else but directly at you.

“Harry.” You can already feel the tears start to form within your eyes, “Tell me it’s not true.”

Harry shakes his head and looks down at the ground, and you shake your head to try and back the tears. You know that if you open your mouth words will tumble out that you really don’t mean, and you know that you can’t let that happen but you’re in such a state that you know that you’re mind would be clouded with how upset you are.

“He knows it’s fucking, true, YN.” Isaac says from behind you, “That’s why we fucking fought and punched the living daylights out of each other.”

You shake your head again, the tears involuntarily spilling down your cheek, “Harry. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought—” He starts but then he shakes his head, “I didn’t—”

Just like you couldn’t find the words to say, it seemed as though Harry couldn’t either. You really didn’t care about what he said, and you wouldn’t care about what he said. There were things that you’d said when you were younger and in high school that you certainly regretted and you would hate if anyone was to bring them up but you wouldn’t lie about it. You had lied in the past and done things in the past that you didn’t agree with, but it wasn’t as though you were doing it for any other reason but to protect the relationships that you had made with people.

“Harry.” He lifts his head to look at you, “I think you should go.”

“YN. . .” He takes a step forward towards you but you hold your hand up.

“Just for tonight.” You nod your head, “We’ll speak tomorrow. We all just need to. . . calm down.”

“But YN. . .” He takes another step forward but you shake your head.

“Please, Harry.” You close your eyes, “Just for tonight.”

He doesn’t seem very happy with what you had said but he nods at you once before walking over to his car and getting in. He slams the door closed behind him, and you flinch when he does so. You watch through the window as he looks at you one last time before starting the engine and driving.

He drives on, and he doesn’t look back, not even one last time and you watch as his car disappears off the street. Once you know that he’s gone, you start walking towards the end of the drive and down to the pavement.

“YN—” Isaac starts but you turn to look at him and shake your head.

“Not now.” You run a hand through your hair, “I’m going to Daisy’s. I’ll be fine.”

With that, you walk down the street and towards Daisy’s house, the thoughts of what had just happened dancing around in your head. You knew that this was going to happen at some point, and it would all blow up in your face, you just hadn’t know that it would be like this.

The next day you return home with bags underneath your eyes and yawns escaping your lips. You would say that you’re nervous, but after being up all night with worry in your stomach, you’re pretty certain that you’re just a little anxious but the thing that overwhelms your brain more than anything is the want for all of this to be over. You needed to sort things out with your brother, so you could go back to being siblings that annoy each other more than anything, and then you need to sort everything out with Harry. You knew that it was going to be hard, and you knew that your emotions were going to be high but you needed to get it over and done with. You weren’t going to allow your life to be like this for longer than it needed to be, and it didn’t need to be at all.

When you walked through the front door of your house, you didn’t know what you were expecting to see, but you really didn’t expect what you saw. Isaac was laid across the couch, with empty beer bottles on the table in front of him. You knew why he had done it, and you hated that it was your fault that he had done it but at the same time he was a grown man, just like you were a grown woman, and he knew that this wasn’t the right way to go about things.

With a sigh, you walked over to the sofa and picked up one of the cushions by Isaac’s feet and threw it air his head. He groaned and moved around and that was when you nudged his legs so that you could sit down. He groaned again but moved them away, and you heard him yawn and felt his body lift up from beside you so that he was upright.

“How’s the head?” You mumble, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning back in the seat.

He groans and does the same, “It’s been better.”

You chuckle and close your eyes, allowing a slight calmness to wash over your body. If there was one thing that you missed about getting older, was not being able to have the stupid conversations with him that made absolutely no sense to anybody but the two of them. But, something that you did know was that even when this was all sorted and everything went back to normal, you wouldn’t be surprised if not everything went back to normal between the two of you. It was something hard to understand, but you just had to accept it because you wouldn’t be surprised if it took years to fix.

There’s a silence between the two of you for a while, but you quickly realise that isn’t going to help you in your situation so without really thinking you collect yourself and let out a small breath that you didn’t know you had been hiding for a while.

“I’m sorry.” You say, the words coming out of your mouth stronger than you had expected them to. You thought that they would at least be broken, but they weren’t, “I’m sorry for everything, but most importantly, I’m sorry for lying and keeping it from you.”

You don’t know what Isaac is going to say, and the fact that you don’t does make you worry slightly but you know that you’d be able to handle whatever he was going to say. You would be able to handle it because you were strong, at this point you needed to be.

“I accept your apology.” He says, and you turn to look at him with tears in your eyes. He nods at you and smiles, “The more I thought about it, the more I understood why you did it. If the shoe was on the other foot I would’ve done the exact same thing. I wouldn’t have even hesitated to.”

You nod your head and close your eyes, a few tears falling from them but you’re quick to lift your hand and wipe them away. He reaches over and grabs your hand, and you squeeze his as you do so.

“I shouldn’t have lied to you though.” You shake your head, “We don’t lie to each other.”

“Oh.” Isaac shakes his head and you furrow your eyebrows at him, “We don’t lie to each other but we certainly keep secrets. The amount I’ve kept from you. . . you’d probably kill me.”

Your lips part in shock, “Are you going to tell me them?”

“No.” He shakes his head, a chuckle leaving his lips, “I maybe will later, but right now, you’ve got somewhere to be.”

“Have I?” He taps his hand on your leg and stands up, and all you can do is furrow your eyebrows in response.

“You have.” You watch as he grabs his jacket and places it on his body, “And I’m going to take you there.”

You know straight away that Isaac is talking about going to see Harry, and just the fact that he was going to take you made you want to burst out into even more tears that you had been before. You didn’t though, because you were able to keep your calm and just smile and nod along with him, but it was certainly hard for you to do. It felt as though you were getting acceptance from Isaac and although you knew that you didn’t really need it, it sure felt good to have. You offered him a quick smile and got into his car, driving you to Harry’s and leaving you there with a squeeze of his hand.

Even though you weren’t that nervous when it came to talking to Isaac, speaking to Harry was a completely different thing. Whereas you and Isaac had a sibling bond that could never be broken, you and Harry had a bond, one that was love to the highest degree, but it was still a love that could be broken. You just hoped that this wasn’t it and you hadn’t met the point of no return just yet.

You palms were sweaty as you knocked on his door, and your heart felt as though it was going to beat out of your chest but you knew that this was the right thing to do. You could hear shuffling behind the door, and then it swung open, and you wanted to sigh in relief just at the sight of him stood there. He looked like he hadn’t slept, but you hadn’t either so it was something that you both had in common, and he had his joggers hung low on his hips in a way that you always found so endearing whenever he did it.

“Hi.” You say, the corners of your lips tilting upwards slightly, “Can I come in?”

He opens his mouth as if to say something but then he just ends up nodding his head and opening the door wider so your body can slip through. It looks exactly the same as the last time you had been there, and it felt comfortable and like your home. It certainly was your home away from home, and living with Harry would be something that you wouldn’t mind doing in the future if time permitted you too. You had to remind yourself to take a few steps back and look at the situation ahead of you, and how you had a lot of things that you needed to talk about before anything else in the future could happen.

Walking into the apartment, you hear Harry shut the door behind you. You knew that he wasn’t too far behind you, so you turned around.

“I didn’t think you’d be here so soon.” He muttered, shrugging his shoulders, “I thought you’d need a few days.”

“I said I would talk to you tomorrow.” You smile and nod your head, “I’m wasn’t about to go back on that.”

You swear you can see the slight lift of the corner of his lips, and it’s the first sign to you that everything might actually end up being okay.

“I know you think we have things to talk about but I actually just have one thing to say.” He says, taking a step forward towards you. You watch as he hesitantly reaches out and grabs your hand, and you smile at just the feeling of his skin on yours again, “I’m sorry, That’s all I can say. I’m sorry that I said those things all those years ago, and I’m more sorry that I didn’t tell you about it when I had the chance. It was stupid of me, and I can understand if you want to. . . if you want to.” He physically stops and you can tell that he’s struggling with something, “If you want to break up with me.”

You gasp at his words, taking a step forward and placing your hands on his cheeks, “Harry. . . no. Don’t think that. I’m not going to break up with you over that.”

You can hear him physically sigh and you couldn’t even understand why he dared to think the way that he was, “I didn’t know. I didn’t know how you’d think.”

“Harry.” You lean forward so that your forehead is on his, “I’m upset that you lied, but I did too. If anything, we’re just as bad as each other. That’s probably why we’re so perfect for each other, right?”

“Right.” He chuckled, nodding his head, “We’re perfect for each other. I love you so much, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” You close your eyes as you let the words sink in, “If there’s one way I know how we’re never going to go through anything like this again, is if we promise to never keep anything from each other again.”

“We won’t.” He mumbles, “I won’t.”

“Good. I won’t either.” Your hands grip onto his arms as they wrap around your neck, “I need you, Harry Styles. I do.”

“I need you too.”

With that you open your eyes so that you can look directly in his, a small smile breaking over your lips at the fact the two of you knew that he needed you just as much as you needed him. It certainly made this entire situation feel as though it happened for a reason, that it happened so that you could be stronger than you already were. You never doubted that he loved you, and that you loved him, but there was the doubt that everything would have caught up with you, and that was something that you knew would be your fault. All of this was your fault, for not being honest in the first place, but that didn’t mean that you couldn’t find it in yourself to be honest now and get you and Harry through this.

Without even the slightest hint of hesitation you lean forward and place your lips on his, and he didn’t wait to kiss back, his tongue moving against his bottom lip before pushing it through your parted lips. Your tongue met his in your mouth, and you pulled each other closer, grasping at each other with the want and need that never stopped when you were around him. The spark that you always felt when you were with him ran all the way down from the skin of your lips to the tip of your toes, fluttering all over your body. You had told him that you needed him, which was the truth, but you were soon starting to realise that there was more to the need you had for Harry than what met the eye. It was something that went past all of the words in the dictionary to actions that you needed to name, and that’s why you pulled away and rested your head on his forehead.

“Harry.” You mumble, “Take me to the bedroom.”

He pulls away and furrows his eyebrows, not expecting those words to slip from your mouth, “Are you sure? We don’t have to.”

“I’m sure.” You mumble against his lips, “Never been more certain of anything in my entire life.”

He presses kisses against your neck and shoulders as he places you down on the bed, his body hovering over yours. When he starts to put a little more pressure on your skin with his teeth, you can’t help the light moans that start to escape your lips. He starts to toy with the hem of your shirt, and you respond to him by lifting your legs and wrapping them around his waist. Your hips move in circular motions to his, and it’s his turn to moan into you.

You pull away and sit up, pulling your shirt over your head and revealing your bra to him. It wasn’t the nicest bra you owned, but it got to the point in your relationship when you didn’t need to wear fancy lingerie all of the time to feel good enough for him, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t every now and then to feel sexy. Every now and then, though, just like you felt now, you realise that you don’t need to wear anything to feel sexy because just the way that Harry looked at you made you feel like that. The was his eyes raked up and down your body, across every inch of skin that he could see. That made you feel sexy. The way he looked at you made you feel sexy.

“Missed this.” He leans over and places a kiss to the skin of your shoulder, “Missed you. You’re so fucking beautiful, YN, you have no idea.”

You lean forward and capture your lips again on his, slipping your arm around his shoulder so that you could run your nails down his back, scratching lightly as you did so. He took it upon himself to slip his hands between the two of you and unbutton your trousers, pulling them as well as your panties down your legs. You remove your arms from around his neck so that you can unclip your bra and pull it down from your torso and throw it down on the floor with the rest of your clothes. This was how you loved it to be with Harry. You just loved it when the two of you were together, alone. You guessed a part of it was because that was all you ever knew of it.

Harry was the most loving and beautiful person you’d met in your life, and you would have loved to be able to show him off to the world as the one you loved but it just wasn’t that easy, but now you had the slight suspicion that you might be able to, and a part of you was excited about that.

Your hands extend back out to him, pulling his body back down so that he was hovering above you again. He places a single kiss to your lips before moving his way down your body, placing kisses to your chest before moving down to the top of your breast and then down towards your nipples. He moves from each of them, one to the other, giving each of them the attention that he always does. You smile and thread your fingers through his hair, running through the curls that sat on top of his head. You used it to pull his head back up and place his lips on yours again. He responds by immediately kissing you back, and he wraps his arms around you so that he could flip you over, so that you’re resting above him now.

You pulled back and rested your forehead against his, “You want me on top?” He nodded and you smiled, watching as he slipped his hands into each side of his joggers before pulling them down his legs, as well as his boxers, revealing his cock. You manoeuvre your body so that you’re further down the bed and so that your head is at the same level as him, and you lean forward, pressing a singular kiss to the tip. The sound that emits from his throat causes you to not hesitate in leaning forward and wrapping your lips around the top of him, starting to bob your head at a slow pace that you know is seemingly working because you can see his stomach moving up and down at a quick pace. Groans tumble from his lips, and you know that he’ll be getting close but before he can do anything else his hands press against your cheeks and lift you back up so that he can kiss you again.

“Don’t you wanna. . . ?” You ask, your eyebrows furrowing as you look at him.

“No.” He shakes his head, placing his lips on yours, “I don’t want anything but to be inside of you right now.”

You watched as he moved backwards slightly, so that you were close enough to the wall that you could rest of your hand against the wall as you manoeuvre yourself over him. His cock slips between your folds, and words can’t describe how wet you are for him, dripping all over him. You place your lips on his again and start to move yourself up and down his cock. The groan that escapes his lips is unlike any you’ve heard before, and you can’t help the smile that dances across your lips.

“You’re drenched for me.” He groans against your lips, “Fuck, I wanna be inside of you.”

“Be my guest.” You grin, and you watch as he leans down to grab his cock in his fist and you lift up so that you can line yourself up with him. You grasp his shoulder as you slowly sink down on him, the familiar feeling of having him fill you up overwhelming you. You had been together for three years and no matter how many times you had sex, it still manages to overwhelm you more than words can explain. You whimper when he’s fully inside of you, hesitating for a few minutes before you press your lips to his in another short kiss.

“So fucking tight.” He mumbles, “Best fucking feeling in the world.”

You tilt your head back slightly with a smile crossing your lips, “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”

He chuckles but that’s quickly shut off when you start to move, bouncing up and down on his cock. Your nails scrape down his back as you move, and you can’t help the moans of profanities that leave your lips as you move. You knew you were squeezing yourself around him, it was always something that you did that caused him to clench his jaw, just has he was doing now. You quickly found a rhythm, swirling your hips and grinding them in a way that had both of you moaning out each others names.

You tilted your head back when he hit a spot deep inside of you that sent a wave of pleasure rushing over your body. He didn’t even hesitate to lean forward and capture your nipple in his mouth, flicking his tongue over the bud slightly before moving to the other. He wrapped his arms around your body and slipped them down your back, all the way until he grabbed the flesh of your ass and squeezed. His movements were harsh, but they sent a wave of pleasure through your entire body.

“YN.” You hum, leaning forward and resting your head on his shoulder, not stopping the movements on his hips, “You’re never going to leave me, are you?”

You move so that you’re sat up straight and look at him, “Why would you think that? I’m not going to leave you, Harry, never.”

“Good.” He leans forward and placing his lips back on yours. Your movements don’t slow down, if anything, they speed up and a string of moans escape your lips. His hands are all over your body, and his lips are too, and the the feeling starts to rush over you. You manage to keep your hips moving at the pace for a while before you slow down, and Harry notices this and quickly flips you both over. You lay on your back with your head on the pillow, and Harry doesn’t even hesitate when he slips back into you. His movements aren’t fast, but they’re certainly deep.

“So fucking deep, Harry. Feels so fucking good.” Your words only seem to egg Harry on, especially the way your nails scratch down his back, “I’m so close.”

Harry was hitting just as deeply inside of you as he had been when you were riding him, and the feeling tips you closer and closer to the edge. Your hands drop down to your sides to grasp the duvet cover, and you turn your head so that you can muffle the obnoxiously loud moans that you couldn’t help leaving your lips.

“I know you are baby.” One of his hands slips through yours, “Don’t hide them moans though, let me hear them, baby, you know what it does to me.”

You move your head back so that he can hear your moans, and he smiles as he continues to fuck you. It doesn’t take long before he’s tipping you over the edge and your orgasm hits you. It’s one of the most powerful you’ve ever had, and you have every reason to believe that it’s because of how high emotions are between the two of you at the moment. It’s intense and you can feel it everywhere, all over your entire body and more so in the pit of your stomach. Harry didn’t stop his movements, not until he hit his high as well and spilled into you. You didn’t care about anything else in that moment though, because you felt closer to Harry now than you even had been, and you never wanted it to change again.

Once he pulls out of you, a whimper immediately leaving your lips due to the emptiness you now feel. He quickly cleans you up, and then drops into the bed beside you, and you don’t even hesitate when you wrap your arm around his waist and rest your head upon his chest. When your eyes close, you let out a sigh of relief.

“Harry.” He hums, and you can feel the vibration of his chest beneath your ear, “I’m sorry I told you to drive away.”

“Don’t be.” He mumbles, his fingertips dancing along the skin of your arm, “We’ve all done thing that we aren’t proud of, but we have a new start. One where we don’t have to keep this a secret.”

You nod and smile, still not opening your eyes, “I love you.”

“Love you too, baby.”

#playlistficchallenge #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles au #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles x yn #harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harry styles fic #harry styles imagine #harry styles

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whump-a-la-mode · 3 years

Text

Villian-Sicle | Part 2

I didn’t expect to get such a crazy response to the first part of this. Here’s part two! I’m always open to continuing this, I love hero/villain whump. Thanks for reading! I hope you like it.

Find part one here.

CW//Superhero whump, villain whumpee, environmental whump (kinda), hypothermia, hospital setting, death mention, delusions, torture mention, pet whump mention (but not really)

Taglist:

@whatwhumpcomments

Villain’s fingers burned.

It was quite paradoxical-- a caveat of the confusing structure of organs known as human anatomy. When cold got great enough, the nervous system somehow interpreted it as intense heat. Tricking itself into believing that warmth might finally be coming, maybe.

Villain knew that such a wish was hopeless. Warmth was a far off memory, as far as they were concerned.

They tucked their knees closer to their chest, pressing their forehead against them and shoving their hands in their pockets, for whatever minimal heat it would provide. As their teeth began to chatter, they gritted them together and closed their eyes. The shelf they leaned against dug into their spine.

“Take stock, and understand your situation.” The brief training they had been provided at their former place of employment sprung into their head, stupidly cheery voice and all. “A level head is more important than any weapon.”

Stupid voice, stupid seminar, stupid job, stupid heroes.

Villain did their best to take a deep breath-- though it did little but fill their lungs with frigid air.

Take stock. Understand your situation. Keep a level head.

The computer in the next room over chipperly reported that they had been in their current predicament for just over five minutes. Five minutes, thirteen seconds, twenty-two milliseconds, and six hundred eight-six nanoseconds, to be slightly more precise. That was the time that had passed since the Heroes had chased them into their own freezing cold tomb.

The moment replayed again in their mind; a series of panicked moments and thoughts, all kaidoscoping into a brilliant moment of word association. That was what had landed them here. Their own stupidity. Not that it wouldn’t have been a problem if the Heroes hadn’t chased them in the first place! Why did they even care about the Serum?! What was it to them?!

Why did Villain have to die for it?

They didn’t know exactly how long it would take for the cold to kill them. The computer beeped and spat out all the medical facts it could, but the fact stood that hypothermia affected everyone differently, dependent on a thousand different factors.

That wasn’t the real question. They knew that. They didn’t care if their last breath would be in five minutes or a hundred. All that mattered was that, in all probability, dying of cold would be quicker than dying at the hands of the Heroes.

In their pockets, they balled their fists. They didn’t notice they were crying until a tear dripped onto their neck, sending a horrid shiver through them.

It was just a stupid bottle. A stupid chemical. It was that fucking chain of atoms that had left them here--between a rock and a hard place. Between dying of cold and being tortured to death. Hell, both ways were torture! Everything was!

Why could nothing ever go right?!

With a coordination they didn’t realize they had, Villain shot to their feet (though it wasn’t exactly a graceful movement.) The tears brimming in their eyes didn’t help their vision, but they didn’t need to see. They didn’t need anything! What was the point, if they were just going to die?!

A sweeping hand aimed itself at one of the wall-high shelves, sending a line of bottles crashing to the ground and shattering in an explosion of glass snowflakes. Their contents spilled out on the tile, and whatever remained of their containers was quickly smashed under Villain’s shoe. They whipped around, attacking another shelf in the same way. Again, they reached for their next strike, but found only steel shelving. Another paradoxical burst of strength sent the whole shelf careening to the ground, sending a blizzard of shattered glass into the air.

Villain unballed their fists, panting, their lungs gasping in the frigid air. Their adrenaline rush finally wore off, sending them to the floor.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Leader’s words were cut off by a resounding crash.

They whipped around, sputtering out a last few unintelligible syllables as their attention focused on the steel door. Nerves glittered in their gaze as they clenched their jaw.

“Shit.” They muttered. “Medic?”

“Sounds like one of the shelves fell.”

“Dammit. I suppose they’re not quite sedated yet, then.”

“Cold isn’t the quickest.” Medic shook their head. “At this temperature, real hypothermia shouldn’t set in for about five more minutes.”

Leader sighed, turning back to the rest of the group. There weren’t many of them-- just Leader, Medic, Hero, and Counselor. The rest had been dispatched, on Leader’s orders, to the rest of the hospital, ensuring that none of Villain’s accomplishes had accompanied them. Regardless, the four of them would be more than enough to overwhelm Villain, when they came out.

“You’re saying they can only make it five more minutes in there?” Hero asked, their hands fidgeting at their sides. Small sparks of power appeared along their fingertips-- a surefire sign of their nerves.

“No.” Medic deadpanned. “In approximately five minutes, hypothermia will start to set in. It won’t be fatal for quite a while. I’d say we have an hour, at least.”

“Villain will give up before then.” Leader reassured. “I’ll...”

They swallowed and approached the steel door separating them from their captive. Captive? Was that the right word? Maybe. Villain had, in all truth, sealed themself in the cold storage. There was no lock on the outside. They could leave whenever they so chose. Right into the Heroes hands, of course, but still.

Leader hadn’t exactly expected Villain to stay in the room. They had expected them to turn around as soon as they entered, to keep up the chase. Yet, they hadn’t.

They had to give up soon. They were surrounded. They were stubborn as all get out, but they weren’t stupid. It was death by hypothermia, or surrender. The better of the two was pretty damn clear.

Taking a sharp breath in an attempt to raise their own confidence, Leader knocked on the door.

The response wasn’t verbal. Rather, it came in the form of a panicked yelp, and the scrambling of someone backing away.

Leader exhaled. They supposed that they would have to do the talking, here.

“Hello? Villain?”

A muffled swear came from the room. That was all the greeting they had really expected.

“You’re going to need to come out of there, before you’re in danger. You’re not equipped for those temperatures, you know that. No one is gonna hurt you.”

Leader nearly fell backwards at the sudden crash of an object against the other side of the door. It seemed that negotiations weren’t going to go very far, just yet. With a sigh, they turned back to their gathered team.

“Hero, go get some blankets. One of those electric ones, if you can. This isn’t looking good.”

“Pourquoi pas niquer le sérum si tu l’aimes ainsi.” Villain swore under their breath.

Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes and thirty two seconds and- and who gave a shit. They’d been stuck in this damn room for fifteen minutes.

The shivering had only started about three minutes ago. It was nothing like normal shivering-- that incurred when waiting for a bus in the cold. The tremors were far more violent than that, shaking their body. They felt their mind to be knocking around their head with the sheer force of it.

The chattering of their teeth had become normal to them, normal, though it was just as violent and just as uncontrollable.

Outside, their killers spoke in hushed voices. Villain wasn’t sure if they even wanted to know what they were talking about. Probably about how to torture them first. Knives, or fire, or electricity, wouldn’t that be ironic! Jokes on them, dammit! They wouldn’t get the chance. Nope, no, no chance for them... no chancy chancy.

Without thinking about it, or hardly even noticing, their blue-tinted fingertips fumbled at their jacket’s zipper, until they were finally able to undo it. They slipped the garment off, throwing it across the floor.

Much better.

Still, why did they feel so hot...?

“Will this be enough?” Hero appeared from around a corner, nearly giving Leader a heart attack with just how suddenly they appeared. In their arms was piled a heap of blankets. They were thin, just enough to keep a patient warm as they fell under anesthesia, but Hero must’ve had at least ten of them.

“I sure hope so.” Leader nodded, gesturing for them to put the pile down. As Hero did so, Leader turned back to Counselor and Medic.

Medic cleared their throat, continuing their throat from before Hero had scared everyone half to death with their appearance.

“Hypothermia is generally thought to occur in three stages. The first is the most mild-- consisting mainly of mild shivering and numbness of the peripheral digits. Stage two is when things start to get... dangerous. Shivering becomes violent, and the patient may be unable to perform finer motor functions. It’s at this stage that the cold begins to affect... mental capabilities. Irrational behavior is common. Hallucinations and delusional states aren’t unheard of. And stage three...”

They hesitated for a moment, until Leader raised an eyebrow.

“Shivering stops. The patient will generally fall into a coma before their heart gives out.”

“We can’t let that happen.” Counselor’s voice sounded as though they were on the verge of tears, which was a very real possibility. Still, the determination in their tone won out over any fear. “Can I talk to them?”

“Be my guest.” Leader nodded.

“Villain?”

The tone was quiet. Soft. Whimsical and moving and whisping like a... like a whisper.

Villain looked up. Their cell was tiny-- an eight foot by eight foot construction of corrugated steel. A chain hung limply from the ceiling, from which a light had once hung. That’d been removed, after Villain had made it explode upon their Trainer. Their cot had gone with it, leaving the room bare, with nothing but four walls, a floor, and a ceiling.

“Villain, I’m Counselor. I don’t know if we’ve really met. I know you’re scared, and I can’t blame you. But if you stay where you are right now, you could get really hurt. I know I can’t force you to come out, but... what are you worried about? You can talk to me. I won’t even tell any of the others, I promise.”

The door opened, flooding the room with light. Villain scrambled backwards, hitting a wall that wasn’t where it should be. The two figures that entered were blank-- their faces featureless, nothing but expanses of skin, lacking eyes or anything of the like. One clipped a leash to the ring hanging from Villain’s collar, while the other lifted them from under their armpits.

“Please no I don’t want to go please I’m still healing please I can’t go for that long again I’m still healing. I won’t be of any use please just give me a bit more time.”

That was what they had meant to say, at least. The words came out in a stream of nonsensical syllables.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that. Do you speak English? Um... Voulez-vous un traducteur ? Un traductor ?”

Villain struggled to their feet, lacking any other choice with the tight grip the figure held upon their leash. The tiles clicked beneath their feet, which didn’t make much sense, as the floor of their cell was made of steel.

The figures led them outside of their cell, into the wider facility. Other figures hurried around, faces equally blank. Preparing for a mission, Villain could only assume.

Someone called out to the figures escorting them. They turned. They felt the grip on their leash loosen.

Their heartbeat drummed in their head at the realization. The facility was so busy. Everyone was so distracted... what other chance would they get?

Villain took the risk.

A quick jerk of their neck sent their leash flying from the figure’s hands. They turned to run, but found something blocking their way. They couldn’t see it, but they felt something in their hands...

“Yeah! Come on, Villain, that’s it. Just turn the lock. It’s gonna be okay, alright? Just turn the lock.”

Turn the lock. Turn the lock. Behind them, the figures were already shouting. For a moment, their fingers fumbled around at the contraption, before, at last, they did it. They turned the lock.

The door burst open, and a gust of freezing air with it. Counselor was practically thrown backwards with the sheer force of it, sending them stumbling.

Before Villain, three more of the faceless figures approached, seeming as though they had been in the middle of something. Within a moment, they had turned to them, grasping desperately in a flurry of hands.

With clumsy strikes, Villain did their best to bat them away, but found a pair of strong hands pushing them to their knees, and then onto their face.

Why was everything so white? No, the facility didn’t look like that. It was so bright. They blinked. Where were they? With an absentminded hand, they reached to their neck, feeling for their collar, only to find nothing but frigid skin.

Just as quickly, their hand was pulled behind their back, along with their other arm. The cuffs were soft, fabric, rather than the biting hold of metal. A moment later, more fabric was piled on top of them as a blanket was draped over their shoulders.

Where were they?

Again, they blinked, only to find the facility replaced with a bright, sterile hallway. Where had they gone. Had they gone unconscious? They tried to struggle, but found themself unable.

“It’s okay.” The voice sounded like it was coming from a million miles away. “You’re okay. The doctors are going to be here any second. Just hold on. Hold on. It’s going to be okay.”

It didn’t make sense, but right about now, nothing did. The screeching wheels of a rapidly approaching gurney were the last thing Villain heard as they collapsed into blackness.

#whump #whump prompt #whump trope #environmental whump #cold whump #hero villain whump

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wattpadscapcons · 2 years

Note

I read the rules so may I request yandere hibiki but if that doesn’t make sense just hibiki with the fluff line “i just wanted to make you laugh.”

Okie dokie, delusional and possessive yandere that just wants to make their darling laugh. Kinda cute when you think about it.

I did a big twist on the fluff here, have my works of a yandere savoir while we're here

(Thank you for reading my rules, I appreciate it very much)

Fluff Prompt #20 w/ Yan! Hibiki ("I just wanted to make you laugh.")

After getting used to your girlfriend's......tendencies, things to seem to go a lot smoother. It did help that she finally managed to scare her sister away, in a way that she said "should be permanent this time." That is something you've thanked her for a lot. The last time Kanade was over, things got, messy to say the least. It was never a pretty sight seeing them fight physically and having no way of helping Hibiki without literally putting one foot in the grave.

You're still recovering from a knife wound in the shoulder now, when you chose to defend her from her criminally insane "little sis". You told her afterwards that she needed to cut ties with her completely if she was wanting you to survive this relationship.

"As if I'd let my mess of a sister ruin what I built up."

"I'm not sure you're taking this seriously..."

"I totally am! Don't worry about it. I'm sure if I talk to her, we can get this whole thing cleared up just fine. She'll definitely listen to her big sister. I won't give her a choice."

"Don't go into this without a plan, she plans on getting rid of me 'Biki."

"I've never made plans in my entire life but I guess, I should do that just this once. Just don't go around telling people I never do anything for you."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

You have no idea what happened, as she left to "talk" to her sister while you were asleep. Since then, things have going rather smoothly between you two. Well, for her it was. You were as happy as you could be with a possessive idol always constricting around your waist. At least she kept to her word, all that "cursed band" conspiracy crap seemed to make a lot more sense now that you thought about it.

"'Biki?"

"Hm?"

"Do you still think that "cursed band" conspiracy stuff is fake?"

"........That's what you're wanting to talk about?"

"Sorry, nevermind."

"....I'm bored."

For once she actually let go of you, you stayed in your spot regardless of the pressure being lifted from your ribcage. Sitting on the floor was definitely not what you were wanting to do this afternoon either. Not that she really gave you much choice in the matter most of the time.

Knowing her, she'd probably want to play tag or cards. You've already expressed your issues with playing anything with Kanade being involved. No need for another incident with the police again. She almost got all three of you pulled in for questioning, Hibiki said that you were lucky that we were able to skip out at the hospital.

Never play hide n' seek again with Kanade. That was the lesson that came out of that day.

"Did you want to play a game?"

"I'd play tag but there isn't a lot of room in this little apartment."

"We could go outside?"

"Why would I risk you getting off leash?"

"Because I'd come back without question?"

"And I'm supposed to believe that why?"

"Cause, you're the only one that can keep Kanade away from me. You know just how grateful I am that you do so."

"Hm... True, you're only loyal to me naturally. It's still a pretty big risk going outside.... My haters could get to you, threats have been made all over the internet."

"Then I guess we'll just have to figure something else out."

"No need to look so bummed Y/N. There's totally a bunch of fun things we can still do!"

"Like what?"

"Like...."

You gave her a few seconds to think before pitching in again.

"You didn't think this out did you?"

"Nah....Thinking stuff through can be so boring. You know I'm all about fun stuff."

"Yeah. I expected as much."

Hibiki used to mentally check out when she senses something was wrong. Now that she's been spending so much time with you, she's somehow seemed to get over the reprogramming her sister installed into her. Now she just gets a little huffy about it, often turning to yelling at whatever makes her upset.

You're the only one that she doesn't seem to do that to.

"Hey come on, cheer up, being here with me isn't that bad, is it?"

"Being here is great and all, I just... I just want to go home."

"You know it's not safe to go back there anymore...."

"Yeah, I know."

She can't risk you getting hurt again. Both of you realize that. It's the only thing that brings you any comfort in staying in the same place, never being able to leave the apartment Hibiki's been renting.

"'Biki."

"Hm? What's up?"

"When are things going to go back to normal?"

"......What do you mean?"

"Like before, when we didn't have to hide. When your sis wasn't....so..."

"I'm trying the best I can to get her to see otherwise. She's just being stubborn, really! You believe in me still, right?"

"I don't have any other choice."

"Y/N look at me."

It feels like you've had this exact same conversation over and over, with just different dialogue filling in all the blanks. You still look at her, every time, because it gave you hope that she was right.

"I promise I'm going to get you out of here. Then things will go back to how they're supposed to be. We can have a quiet life close to your family 'k? Don't give up all hope just yet."

"What are you going to do about Kanade if you can't convince her-"

"Then I'll get rid of her."

"Hibiki..."

"Y/N, I can't stand it anymore than you can."

Eventually, she had to break down and finally do what she said she would. Though it wasn't exactly wasn't what you expected. She just tied her up and put a gag in her sister's mouth and dragged her into the apartment with her. Something that had you pressing yourself against the wall to make yourself as small as possible over.

"Relax, it's not like she can break through the ropes this time. I made sure to get the strongest stuff they had and to quadruple knot all of the ropes together!"

You only allowed yourself to relax a little bit at that.

"So, you ready to finally go home?"

"What about Kanade?"

"I deal with her as soon as I get you back safely."

"So....You're just going to drop me off just to come back and..."

"Kill her."

"......"

"Ah...I guess that's a little bit of a sensitive topic huh?"

"Yeah, maybe a little."

"Well, don't sweat it, after today, we shouldn't have to deal with it ever again!"

You were at the couch when Kande started to struggle. It had you freeze in a way that quickly had the sisters exchanging death glares.

"Sis, you're not getting out of the ropes. Don't even try."

"Are you sure that will hold her?"

"Yeah, but just in case, go ahead and take the keys. I'm sure you wouldn't try to leave without me."

"If Kanade gets out there with me before you?"

"Then don't look back and just get out of here. I'll come find you again when I'm done. I promise."

"Look at you being mature."

"Ugh, stop teasing me and go already!"

"Alright, alright."

She got this cute little pale blue Toyota Camry to be your getaway car. Of course she'd pick something cute over practical. She didn't seem to take very long, to which you didn't question until after she started driving.

"You sure you're ready to go?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

You were still surprised she had enough time to learn to drive being such a well-known idol in town.

"You didn't really take much time up there...."

"Oh, I handcuffed her ankles to the sturdiest thing I could find and bound them to the chair for extra measure."

"Sounds like you actually thought this out a little."

"It's times like this that I need to start being serious. It wasn't just my pride on the line this time."

"Thank you."

"You say that like I'm doing you a big favor here. Does that mean I get a reward?"

"I'm sure a reward could be put together. Anything you had your heart set on?"

"A homecooked meal would suffice this time. I'm getting really sick of take-out food. It's so greasy now that I'm surprised we haven't gained any weight."

"Speak for yourself."

"Oh...yeah. Sorry."

"It's fine. I'm sure I still have a treadmill somewhere in my basement so I'm sure I could get back in shape in no time."

"Don't leave me out of it..."

"We could go on runs together if you promise that you won't make me carry you the entire way back."

"Geez what do I even have you for then?"

"Stop kidding. I know you love me."

"....Yeah."

She seems to be really good at keeping her promises, a trait that has positively impacted your relationship and rather keeps it from falling to shambles on a daily basis. She does what she said she would, she dropped you off at home, and all you really had to do was wait for her to come back. Waiting up for her would be an easy task seeing as you've done it so much in the past year.

She never seemed to keep you alone for very long either. She only took a day to come back, with new clothes, and a new car.

"I didn't make you wait too long did I?"

"No, did you... take care of the problem?"

"Yep! No need to worry anymore."

"You going to quit your band now that you don't have anymore members to keep it going?"

"Yeah, I'd rather spend some quality time playing games with you instead y'know? Band life was boring anyways."

"Yeah."

"Like "tickle Y/N"!"

"Hey that's not a game!"

"Sure it is!"

"'Biki no! Hahaha! Quit it!"

"Not a chance!"

She didn't let up until you were on the floor laughing almost hysterically. Only until you could feel it in your ribs and begged the idol for mercy.

"Heheheh."

"What's got into you?"

"I just wanted to make you laugh."

"Hm...I guess I haven't really though of much to laugh about."

"We'll find more things to laugh about, together this time."

"Hell of a way to start a next chapter in life."

"Do you want me to tickle you again?"

"No!"

#sdra2 x reader #sdra2 spoilers #danganronpa #sdra2 #sdra2 hibiki #sdra2 hibiki x reader

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nonbinaryresource · 3 years

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hi. i wanted to ask whether or not it’s ok to take comfort in a person that has not officially come out as trans but has included many forms of gender expression in their work? i’m trans and when i listened to this artist’s work (harry styles - she & fine line) i connected with the songs immediately? i found a lot of people in the community who too connected to the songs and interpreted the lyrics as a struggle with one’s gender identity. at first i was against calling harry trans because i thought it was wrong, but then after reading master posts i discovered that he constantly portrays gender in his work (using the trans flag on his album cover; being ok with his friends referring to him with she/her, miss, ‘sue’ instead of ‘harry’, and sis; his obsession with babies and especially wanting to get pregnant; relating himself only to female artists; etc.) and now i’m really confused. it feels comforting as a fan to relate to him and i, and a lot of other fans from the community, sometimes refer to him with he/she/they instead of he/him (he never said his pronouns are he/him). is that wrong? every time my (trans) friends and i refer to him with pronouns other than he/him or tell people not to assume he’s cis as he never specified that, other (usually cis. a trans fan called me transphobic and told me to stop seeking validation from cis white men.) fans will start calling us transphobic and delusional and attacking us to the point we had anxiety attacks over it? i’m just really confused right now. i don’t want to misgender anyone but i don’t understand why relating to someone who, from their actions, could be part of the community is wrong. i’m not out to anyone irl and sometimes i wish people caught on to the little things i do and recognise that i am part of the community. i don’t understand why people keep shutting down the idea the harry could be trans when he never said he was cis and was ok being referred to as she.

he has previously said that there are no lines between what's masculine and what's feminine for him anymore. i'm sorry this is so long and thank you

(You also sent in the song lyrics - thanks for the easy reference! - but I’m clipping those for length reasons.)

Disclaimer before I dig in: I am not a Harry Styles stan, I know very little about him, most of what I am going to say specifically about him is stuff I researched about specifically to answer this ask. I want to speak mostly generally to your question.

Okay, so you posed a pretty succinct, straight forward question. “i wanted to ask whether or not it’s ok to take comfort in a person that has not officially come out as trans but has included many forms of gender expression in their work?“ However, there’s also a lot of context to this ask that makes things not so straight forward, and there are several distinct issues touched upon here I want to delve into. But it seems a good a starting place as any to start with the direct question you asked.

Yes, of course it’s okay to find your own meaning in art and role models and relate to art your way from your perspective based on your experience. In fact, that’s nearly the entire purpose of art! And it makes sense too, that we as social creatures would look up to and be inspired by celebrities, artists, mentors, role models, etc. Feeling connected to and less alone because someone in the spotlight plays with gender presentation like you might or want to makes a lot of sense!

However, we have to remember that A) sometimes art is just art, and B) someone being in the spotlight doesn’t mean we actually know or understand them or are/should act familiar with them.

As an example, a couple years back, Will Jay released a song called “Never Been in Love” that pretty much exploded with aros and aces and became a bit of an anthem for a lot of us. Many wondered if he was aspec himself and there was a lot of queries about it (and I saw quite a few blogs reminding folk that they were allowed to relate to the song even if it meant something different to Will Jay or he wasn’t actually aspec). Earlier this year, he released the song “Lies” where he admits that he was writing songs he thought people would relate to and he actually had been in love even before writing “Never Been In Love”. That should do nothing to diminish how meaningful the song was to people, though! If we related to the song, we related to the song, and if it was meaningful and made us feel seen and understood, that’s great! A lot of times, art is personal, but sometimes art is just an exploration.

This concept applies even more to people themselves. It is soooo easy to idolize and romanticize people you’ve never actually met and really only see the persona they want you to see. Yes, they share personal information with the world and they experience a general lack of privacy that makes you feel like yeah, you really know who they are. But how can you really, personally, intimately know someone without interacting with them, chatting with them, getting to know them one on one? It’s fine to have role models and feel represented by and relate to a celebrity - just do not lose sight of the fact that what you’re feeling is personal feeling on your own end. It’s not something that this celebrity has actually built with you.

To put this another way: it is fine to headcanon fictional characters, but it’s not okay to headcanon real people.

Now, what I’m building up to here is that there are a lot of assumptions I am seeing - from both sides - that we cannot truly know because all we know is what Harry [or anyone] chooses to share with us. I��d like to break this down by going through some specific points.

at first i was against calling harry trans because i thought it was wrong

Okay, there are two sides to this.

1) It is wrong to apply a gender label/descriptor to someone without their permission.

2) In a cisnormative society, “cis” is the default gender label/descriptor to apply to everyone, and that’s equally wrong, so I get why it feels like a rebellion of the system to go “well, there are Reasons they could be trans, so I’m just going to go ahead and call them trans”.

We should get away from automatically labeling everyone as “cis”. However, the way we fix this isn’t to just decide we get to apply whatever label/descriptor to someone we want.

If someone hasn’t clarified or specified their gender (and you can’t/it isn’t a good or safe idea to ask them), it’s the safest bet to go by what they seem to be majority being called or what you can find of them referring to themself as.

In some cases, when someone seems to be specifically avoiding labeling themselves or uncomfortable with labeling themselves, it may be most comfortable for you to also avoid labeling them just as much as possible.

being ok with his friends referring to him with she/her, miss, ‘sue’ instead of ‘harry’, and sis; his obsession with babies and especially wanting to get pregnant; relating himself only to female artists; etc.)

It’s worth considering - is this something for friends only? Or is it open to fans and other public sectors?

Usually if something is for friends only, it’ll be kept out of public eye, but if only friends are doing this, is this something that is only being shared with you or is it something you’re entitled to as well?

Aaaaaaaaalso, it has to be pointed out that it’s binarist and cisnormative in it’s own way to equate different names/pronouns automatically with being trans or being a specific trans identity. Wanting to get pregnant? Do you know how many cis women I’ve heard go on and on about wanting a penis so they can pee standing up (like... all of them anytime we’re outside or camping)? Plenty of cis people use pronouns you might not expect! You don’t have to be trans/nonbinary to use multiple or ‘atypical’ pronouns. Cis people are allowed to use other pronouns as well! They’re allowed to have names typically associated with other genders! Not all gender nonconforming or genderqueer people/people queering gender are trans! Not everybody exploring their gender nor gender presentation is trans!

not to assume he’s cis as he never specified that

It’s great to not assume someone is cis! But that doesn’t automatically make them trans.

i don’t want to misgender anyone but i don’t understand why relating to someone who, from their actions, could be part of the community is wrong.

Do you specifically, absolutely need to gender someone in order to relate to them?

i don’t understand why people keep shutting down the idea the harry could be trans when he never said he was cis and was ok being referred to as she.

I’ve only recently seen a tiny bit of this ‘discourse’ around on twitter, but what I see is a few issues/points:

A) It’s not up to us to claim someone as trans if they have not come out as trans. Coming out is an extremely personal choice and should be up to each individual. “Claiming” them is basically dragging them into something that very well may be not theirs. And if it is theirs, why would you want to steal that moment of getting to determine and declare that away from them?

B) We are all so done with cis, able-bodied white folk being prioritized above the rest of the queer community!!! There are actual, legitimate, out trans people that can be your trans role models and they’re being shoved to the back of the closet in favor of a privileged, white Schrödinger’s Trans. Let’s uplift our actual community instead of getting stuck on someone who may or may not be a part of community - and may not even want to be a part of it!

All that being said, I do want to say something really quickly on Harry himself because it ties back into the assumptions we’ve been talking about. Harry’s sexuality has long been a question on fans and journalists minds, and Harry has pretty consistently made it clear that he’s not really interested in labels or boxes. Harry’s gender is not something that has been asked about, talked about, or answered on much. And his comment on masculinity and femininity? Let’s remember that, like pronouns, masculinity and femininity don’t automatically or inherently relate to one specific gender or not. And, quite frankly, it is faucet of toxic masculinity and cissexism to equate a gnc man/man in a dress with being trans. Men are allowed to wear dresses and makeup and heels! Men are allowed to be soft and nurturing and to cry! Cis or trans, men are allowed to be these things, and arguing that they’re trans simply for doing or being any of these does continue to enforce dangerous and strict views of the gender binary.

Okay, it feels like I kinda put you through the wringer, so I want to go back and reiterate: it is 100% valid to relate to and feel connected to/inspired by someone on the basis of their presentation and gender exploration. It is not valid to claim ownership over their identity because of this. It is possible for two people to experience same or similar things and yet come to different conclusions about themselves!

If Harry Styles as an icon is important to you, I’m glad you can have that! But not everyone will or has to share your connection, and the only one actually qualified to speak on Harry’s gender is Harry himself. Harry could be trans, but it’s his right and his right only to claim that label. Any assuming we do is just that: an assumption. And I want you to be careful with your own feelings getting too attached to the image of Harry you’ve built up in your own head only to potentially have them shattered if Harry decides to speak on things and it turns out his feelings don’t mean what you thought.

Your identity is valid regardless of how Harry Styles feels or identifies. You feeling validated and seen and represented by Harry’s actions is valid regardless of how Harry Styles feels or identifies. It’s great to have role models and be inspired by people, but remember that at the end of the day, you need to be able to rely on yourself to keep up your ego and determine your sense of self.

~Pluto

#long post #mod pluto #identity #role models #discourse #gender #gender binary #cisnormativity #cissexism #mod tera #Anonymous

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aceademic · 3 years

Text

Chapter 2 & 2.5 of Band on The Run

Feel free to bash me intensely. Here is Chapter 2 and Chapter 2.5 (mini chapter) from the one and only liz! Enjoy!

Chapter 2

“You see that one?” Mom whispered in my ear, pointing to the far east.

“Yeah,” I mumbled.

“That’s where your Dad is,” she said. I turned to look at her. She had long and flowy dirty blond hair and the most intricate hazel eyes I had ever seen. There was a sort of glint in them, nostalgic and sad but also . . . wistful. The way she looked then, it made me almost believe what she was saying. Almost.

I gave a small pause. Unsure. “Is that so?” I asked eventually. Pops had told me that the doctors said that Mom developed selective amnesia because when my Dad ran off on her, it was too hard for her to deal with. So now she’s delusional with the idea that our father was a man from space that had to go back to his home planet. She never gave a reason why, her answer to that question was always, ‘He’s not gone forever. He’ll come back. He always does.’

“Yeah,” Mom whispered. “And when he does we’ll take the car out to the fields and sing Brandy at the top of our damn --”

“Geddup!”

I jolted upward and blinked, realizing it was just a dream and I was not at home, but in fact, in a spaceship. My heart sunk to the very depths of my inner ocean of self-pity as I pulled on my jacket.

“Give me a minute!” I answered. I heard rustling and saw Peter climbing out of the small bed, yawning and rubbing his eyes. “Clean yourself up and meet me outside, okay?”

Peter nodded sleepily and I left the room, closing the door behind me. And there was standing Kraglin. He was wearing the exact same thing as yesterday and he look as fresh and awake as morning dew.

“Mornin’,” he said awkwardly.

“What’s going to be our orders?” I asked him, jumping straight to the point.

“Don’t know,” he shrugged. “You’ll have to find out yourself when we get to the hull.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be his second-in-command or whatever?” I asked dubiously.

“Just cause I’m his first mate don’t mean that he tells me everything,” he answered. “He’s a very private person.”

“I’m ready.”

Peter must have slithered his way to my side, because the door was now ajar, and Peter’s hair was slightly less mussy than it was before. I ruffled his hair anyways.

I stared in amazement as we entered the hull. The walls had veins that pulsed an eerie, vivid red and the walls were a dark, shadowy grey. Chairs, consoles and neon green screens surrounded me. In the chairs were all different types of aliens talking in headsets and taping the consoles, speaking to each other in a language had never heard before. Alien technology scattered the room, and my gaze set upon the crowd of crew members standing by a window with a breathtaking view of the peace of space. They seemed to be staring, whispering and pointing at me and Peter, as if they had never seen a human before. Some frowned, some seemed curious, and some made me want to punch them repeatedly in the face – or faces, because apparently some aliens have two heads.

Kraglin led me to the back where everyone was, and kindly guided us to the back corner where we would get less weird looks. After a few more of the crew hurried in, I noticed Yondu, sitting on a big, comfy captain’s chair, staring down at us all.

“Everyone, meet your new crewmates, Avery and Peter Quill!” Yondu shouted, holding an arm out in our direction. Everyone turned to look at us. So much for being discreet.

“I thought we were giving them over --” a man started, but Yondu shushed him, very loudly might I add.

“I don’t want another word out of your mouth Horuz, or I’ll scrub it clean in the canteen,” Yondu hissed. Some of the men snickered and the other went immediately silent, looking absolutely furious. “If you don’t like how I run things around here, you can get your skinny ass up and leave, you hear?”

It seemed that either no one heard, or no one wanted to leave.

“Good.” A pause. “Gef, Yorker, I want you in the training room. You’re getting to fat for my liking. Retch, Halfnut, Scrotch, I want you on canteen duty. Oblo, Narblik, Huhtar and Tullk, I want you on hallway duty on deck 10 . . .”

The list continued, and as he called out names, people left the room to go to their assigned stations until it was just me, Peter and Kraglin.

“Kraglin, I want you to show them littles around the ship and when you’re done, I want them to go to Rof’in in the training room. He’ll know what to do.”

Kraglin nodded and led us out of the hull. “All right, let’s start with the tour. There are 10 decks in total. Right now, we’re on deck one, all the way at the bottom.”

He started show us around the first deck. We passed the brig, which was where I was kept when I was unconscious, and we went into the hold, muster station, and a small saloon. I made a mental note of what each room was and its purpose. We continually went up, going through the quarterdecks (two whole decks just for where the cabins are), the training room, the turret (which I have to admit was pretty cool), medbay, the promenade deck, the canteen, multiple saloons, the galley, the escape hatches and small bays holding random equipment and such. One oddly contained a whole assortment of mini figurines (most of which were broken).

As we made our way back to the hull, Peter’s stomach grumbled. Kraglin and I both looked at him. I had forgotten I was hungry. I had forgotten that we needed food. For the glorious bliss that was 1 hour, I had forgotten that I was kidnaped and that my head hurt and that my mother was dead and pretended that my good friend Kraglin was showing me around a spaceship. The fierce rage of fire that roared inside me returned along with a loud grumble of my stomach.

“We can stop by the canteen on our way back to the training room,” Kraglin offered. We both nodded hungrily, and I wondered what aliens ate. Probably not grilled cheese.

When we entered the canteen, it was mostly empty except for the people who were working there, cleaning dishes and mopping the floor. No one looked up. There were refrigerators nailed into the wall, full of silver packets and water bottles.

“We don’ get fresh food often, so we eat these,” Kraglin told us, opening a refrigerator door and pulling out 2 packets, turning them over to read something on the back. “Today’s Flicodian tentacles. Should have a similar taste to – what’s that meat thing you eat?”

“Chicken?” Peter asked. Kraglin shook his head.

“No, no, it started with a T.”

“Turkey?” I asked. Kraglin nodded. He walked over to some built in cabinets and pulled out two bowls, opening the packet and squeezing out what looked freeze-dried octopus tentacles. He went over to a nearby tap, and filled the bowls up, sticking them in what looked like some sort of microwave. When the timer beeped after a minute, he pulled the two bowls out, releasing a hearty aroma that did indeed smell a lot like turkey, and Peter and I found ourselves sitting at the long tables in the room, scarfing down the tentacles as if they were our last meal. Kraglin watched in amusement. I put down my fork.

“What?” I asked. He jumped in surprise, and suddenly the wall became very interesting.

“Nothing,” he mumbled. I shrugged, and continued to shove food down my throat, ad sat back happily when the last remnants of food were gone, and the bowl was empty. Back then, I didn’t notice the pink tint that haunted his cheeks.

Chapter 2.5

Nebula kicked the punching bag. She kicked it again. Her father had given her another mission. And she wasn’t sure she would be able to complete it this time. At least she had Gamora to help. She kicked the bag again. Gamora wasn’t going to help. She would ruin her chances of ever completing it to keep up her status as most-favorable child. The star, his little-one. Nebula started to punch it repeatedly and finished it off with a roundhouse kick. It flew off its chain, and Nebula huffed, grabbing a bottle of water from the corner. She ignored the green alien with blue hair leaning against the doorway.

Nebula didn’t like the hair. This was the 5th time Gamora had attempted dying it and now it was a dark, ocean blue. It didn’t suit her.

“I know your upset with me,” Gamora said. She entered the room, her arms folded across her chest. Nebula gave another little huff, but other than that she screwed the bottle cap onto her bottle without a glance and went to pick up the punching bag.

“I didn’t have a choice,” Gamora said, her voice tense. Nebula turned to look at her with furious eyes.

“There is always a choice,” Nebula hissed. A ray of sunlight hit Nebula, and the silver prosthesis on her head glistened, causing Gamora to look away. “You had a choice not to fight me. To stand up to our fath – to him.”

She corrected herself. It was still hard for her to call him her father, the man who had slaughtered her family, her brother, her entire home planet. He who called her weak and worthless and forced her into impossible missions that almost always caused her to have to team up with Gamora, that back-stabbing wench of a sister. He who ripped out her eye for simply not besting her sister in a fight.

“You know that’s not how it works,” Gamora mumbled, grabbing her arm subconsciously. Nebula broke eye contact, grabbing the punching bag and attaching a new clip onto it, attaching it back to the screw in the ceiling.

“Did you need anything else, sis?” Nebula added a sneer on the last word, making Gamora’s stomach wretch horribly, her brows furrow and her heart twist.

“No.”

It was a lie.

#submission

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duckymcdoorknob · 4 years

Text

Words Really Do Hurt

Warnings: TW!!!!!: harm (not self but still ouchies) A n g s t

You bitches are going to cry. I’ll make sure I drag this out and not leave out a single detail.

Ships: Jamilton

Prompt: Thomas Jefferson always assumed he would have the upper hand in arguments, from his quick wit and snapbacks. He always made Hamilton cry. But when Hamilton rolls up his sleeves, he realized what he was truly crying about.

He never knew where it came from. It was always just there...

“Bastard!”

Pain

“Whoreson!”

Pain

“Dirty thief!”

Pain.

Young Alexander ran away from the insults of his “neighbors.” Tears blurred his eyes as he ignored the searing feeling in his arm.

He opened the door of his home, seeing his sickly mother setting down “dinner” for them.

A bowl of bland oatmeal and a small apple.

“Mama... the..they di..d it again.” Alexander said wincing.

His mother rushed to his aid, putting their food aside. She drew a bath for him and helped him inside.

“What happened this time my darling?” His mother spoke softly, petting his hair.

“They called me a th..thief and a bastard whoreson.” Alexander mumbled, letting his arm down under the water.

The bathtub tinged red, a sight Alexander’s mother loathes seeing. Her boy had three fresh cuts on his arm.

She never knew how he got it.

The doctor told her that whenever something truly hurts him inside, it somehow hurts him outside too. Something to do with the signals in his brain, eating away a line on his skin. Nameless, yet so distressing to the Hamilton family. No matter how deep or long the cut is, it won’t affect his life. Something that would kill any normal human would only hurt him.

She let him rest in the bathtub as long as he wished, then dressed him in his favorite jammies.

They went downstairs and his mother put the oatmeal back on the fire.

——

Alexander went on through his life covered in scars. A large scar on his chest appeared when his mother died. No one has ever seen it, except him.

“I’m sorry but I don’t think a whoreson deserves any money. His mother should’ve thought about it before she got knocked up.”

Scar

——

“She doesn’t have much time left, Mr. Hamilton. She’s too weak and sick.”

“I love you, Alexander...”

A large scar across his chest formed again.

——

“My son was shot and killed in a gunfight.”

Alexander now has three straight lines across his chest. Signifying the loss of the three most important people in his lives.

Rubesis. That’s what the medics called it. Ovelate Rubesis, (oh-vel-eht Roo-bay-sis) the anatomical consumption of skin caused by emotional distress.

——

The wind howled outside as a chilling rain fell from the sky.

“The things you say might be completely delusional, Hamilton. But this takes the cake. The North and the South are completely different. Why should we have to pay for your debts?” Thomas began in a ramble.

Alexander felt a tiny prick on his arm, “not again.” He thought to himself. He stood tall and angry, ready to take whatever Thomas yelled at him.

“If you make the South pay your debts, It’ll be Yorktown ALL OVER again. And don’t expect to win with your current state. Your son stressing you out that much? I mean God, we could turn you into a candle with all that extra fat.”

A sudden swipe of pain shot up Alexander’s arm. He felt A thin cut develop by his wrist. These were schoolboy level insults. Why did he let it get to him?

“That’s enough, Thomas.” Washington stood between him and Jefferson, “that was below the belt and you know it.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. He wasn’t done yet. “Hamilton I can’t believe they even let your naive, foolish self into the government. I mean honest to God a brain dead toddler could run treasury better.”

A large, deep, gash began to form on his forearm.

“S..stop...” Alexander managed through his searing pain.

“Oh boohoo! What are you going to do? Cry?” Thomas teased. He scoffs and crosses his arms “So weak and pathetic.”

Tears pricked the corners of Alexander’s eyes. “P..please... i-it hurts. S..so bad.” The gash got longer.

“Christ what’s wrong with you? Can’t you just be normal?” Thomas asked, taken aback by Alexander’s behavior.

Alexander winced as blood stained his white undershirt. “J..Je..Jefferson s-stop. Please.” Alexander was breathing hard, tears falling down his face. The gash traveled from his forearm to his elbow by now.

“Jefferson, enough” Washington spoke through gritted teeth. He glared daggers at Thomas, who simply rolled his eyes.

“All I’m saying is this plan is outrageous.”

At that point in time, Washington’s assistant entered carrying a heavy crate of writing supplies. They walked over to where Washington was hovering over Thomas. The wind blew with gusto. Then shortly after, the electricity in their building was out.

The sudden flash caused Washington’s assistant to jump and drop the crate on Thomas’ leg.

“Ah! Son of a bitch!” Thomas exclaimed.

Alexander gasped and rushed to help Thomas. He may hate the man, but his paternal instincts kicked in. He rolled up his sleeves and lifted the heavy crate off of Thomas’ leg.

“Thank you, Washington. Now can we work on those lights please?” Thomas inquired.

Almost on cue, the lights flashed back on.

Thomas saw Alexander carrying the heavy crate, multiple cuts and scars on his arm, and a deep gash bleeding profusely.

“I must’ve been incorrect. Thank you for the help, Hamilton.” Thomas said softly, avoiding to talk about what he’s seen. He figured the last thing Alexander needed was to be upset more.

Alexander put the crate down, realized what he’d done and quickly rolled his sleeves back down.

“Can we get back to non verbally abusing politics please?” Washington spoke up.

“I agree. Let’s continue.” Alexander said, crossing his arms.

“Now Secretary Jefferson. You’ve given a fair view on your opinion. But why do you feel this way?” Washington began

“Lovely” Alexander thought to himself

“Mister President I believe that Hamilton’s plan to assume the debts is unfair to the South.”

“The only reason I asked is because Virginia’s debts are already paid. I just wanted to see if-“

“Shut. your. fucking mouth, Hamilton.” Thomas groaned. So much for not further upsetting him. “I know you can’t keep yourself quiet for more than a minute at a time, but for the sake of all of us in here, shut the hell up.”

“Mr. Jefferson I don’t think you’re being fair to-“ Washington was cut off by a hasty Thomas.

“You’re right. Hamilton, you’re not completely useless.”

A gash on Alexander’s left arm formed, just as his right arm.

“Thomas! That’s enough!” Washington finally raised his voice

“Ugh. Sorry dad didn’t realize we were all offended by everything here.”

“Please just leave me alone...” Alexander thought with sorrow.

“I’ve stated my case. I don’t support this buffoon’s plan. I’ve nothing else to say to his sorry ass.”

The cut deepened and grew longer. Traveling from his wrist to his mid forearm.

“E..end it.” Alexander stuttered as he grabbed his arm. “E...end the.. m..meeting.”

“You don’t get to speak to me, scum. You best run back to your island.”

The gash grew until his elbow, in an agonizingly slow manner, causing Alexander to cry out in agony. “PLEASE!” He cried, falling to the floor. Blood oozed out of the large gashes, the right one having reopened. Alexander sobbed as Washington sprinted towards him. It hasn’t been this bad since John’s death.

“It’s alright. I’ve got you. Don’t let go of me.” Washington said softly, trying to keep Alexander from hyperventilating. He sat down next to Alexander and gently held the hurting man.

“Oh what now?” Thomas’ angry, annoyed face, dropped when he saw the blood seeping from Alexander’s shirt. “Oh Christ- CAN WE GET SOME HELP IN HERE?”

Thomas attempted to rush to Alexander’s aid, but stopped when he noticed Alexander cowering away.

“Get him away from me. Don’t let him say anything to me. Please!” Alexander tried to cover his ears as tears streamed down his cheeks.

Washington moved his arms down, “you know better.”

Thomas searched fantically for anything to pack the wounds with. He was freaking out. When did Hamilton have time to pull a blade on himself?

“How did you-“ Alexander pondered on Washington’s previous remark.

Thomas’ frantic pacing was stopped by Washington.

“Thomas Stop. You’re going to do more damage if you wrap them.” He said softly

“Are you INSANE?” Thomas yelled.

“Go to the shelf, Medical book, Index, Under “O”, near the end. Starts with “ov”

Thomas races to the bookshelf and did as he was instructed. There he discovered... “Ovelate Rubesis?”

Washington nodded. Alexander was too determined to stop his suffering; he couldn’t hear what was unfolding.

“Wounds will widen if bloodflow is stopped by outside force. Expose to air to end bleeding.”

Two and two didn’t click for Thomas. He knew that he needed to leave the wounds alone, but he didn’t realize that Alexander had the condition.

“Don’t cover it. They need air.” Washington replied to Thomas’ out-loud reading.

“How did you know about?-“ Alexander pondered softly.

Washington said nothing and lifted his sleeve to show multiple scars and one healing cut.

——

“Ugh. Sorry dad didn’t realize we were all offended by everything here.”

Washington barely flinched as he felt the cut on his arm develop.

“First in a few years” he thought to himself

——

The two men sat on the dusty wooden floor of the cabinet meeting room. The other members had recessed to help reduce panic.

Alexander looked down to see his wounds closed, but still red and puffy. “Thank you sir.” He said as he reached out a hand to help Washington to his feet.

“Mr. Hamilton.” Thomas said calmly, “will you please meet me outside in the hallway for a moment?”

“I...” Alexander didn’t want Thomas to be suspicious, “I suppose.”

Alexander followed Thomas into his office and closed the door behind him.

The velvet clad man sat on his desk, crossed armed, and glared at Alexander. “I’ve two questions for you, Hamilton.”

Alexander gulped. He didn’t know how much more jolts of searing pain he could take. He mentally prepared himself for the unbearable feeling.

“Why did you help me? After all I’ve done and said to you?” Thomas asked quietly.

“I-it just happened. I guess s..since I have Phillip to care for, it’s j..just instinct.” Alexander managed to stutter out.

“Ah I understand.” Thomas said with a small chuckle.

“I..is that all, Mr. Secretary?” Alexander inquired quietly.

“Don’t get too formal on me now.” Thomas said with a half smile.

“Sorry.” Alexander said rubbing the back of his neck.

“Second.” Thomas began, walking to Alexander’s tense figure.

Alexander met his gaze. It was... sympathetic?

“Would you like to explain these for me?” Thomas said in a low voice.

He grabbed Alexander’s wrist swiftly and rolled up his sleeves.

Alexander’s arms looked ugly. The large gashes were stained bright red, swollen to the high heavens, and tinging the surrounding skin a warm pink. The small cuts puffed up in irritation. It was a sight of horror for both men.

“I-I...” Alexander didn’t know what to say. Did he tell his enemy the truth? Or lie? “It was from the... the c-crate! Yeah the crate.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Hamilton.” Thomas said with a sigh. “I just didn’t expect this from someone like you.”

“I..I’m not cutting myself. I swear.” Alexander whimpered.

“Well clearly it’s from something!” Thomas said defensively, causing Alexander to flinch and put his hands up in defense.

“I..is someone. Is someone hurting you, Hamilton?” Thomas asked as tears pricked his eyes.

“Why... why would y-you want to know?” Alexander said with his own tears falling.

“God damnit, Alexander! I don’t know? Maybe that I care about you, you braindead sheep!” Thomas yelled.

Alexander’s heart panged. Then he winced as a sharp pain slowly sliced across his bare arm.

“Oh- oh my god.” Thomas said as he put a hand to his mouth.

“Just leave me alone.” Alexander mumbled, turning his back to holding his sore arm.

“Alexander...” Thomas said quietly. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know how I didn’t-“

“You don’t even know.“ Alexander responded, not attempting to meet Thomas’ anguished face.

“I read about it, remember?” Thomas said.

Alexander shook his head, “I was more focused on not passing out in front of anyone.”

“Ovelate Rubesis.” Thomas stated matter-of-factly, “Your skin cuts itself when something... hurts your heart.” Thomas slowed his speech in realization. “I feel like such a dick! How could I have not known this?!” Thomas’ eyes widened. “This... this is why you-“

“Begged you to end the cabinet meeting?... yeah.” Alexander said coolly.

“Oh my god that’s why you always cry during... oh my god that’s what happened. And the blood, and Washington saying it’ll heal itself, and you covering your ears and-“

Alexander’s eyes grew large from a sudden shock. Thomas had engulfed Alexander in a hug from above.

“Im so sorry.” Thomas repeated as tears streamed down his face.

Alexander buried his face into Thomas’ neck, letting sobs rack his body.

“I’m so sorry, Alexander.” Thomas whispered, resting his chin on top of Alex’s head.

The two sat in a silent embrace for a good while.

“Alexander...” Thomas whispered.

“Mm?”

“Wha...what happened when...” Thomas sighed, “when Eliza passed?”

Alexander sighed and slowly took off his green vest. “Are you sure you want to see?”

“Only if you’re comfortable.”

Alexander lifted his white undershirt up to reveal his chest.

Thomas covered his mouth as a tear fell from his eye.

Alexander’s chest had puffy lines across.

3 scars, 3 deaths.

Thomas brought Alexander close to him again and rubbed the man’s back.

“I hate to do this but.” Alexander began, lifting his head from its resting position. “Washington probably thinks that you killed me.”

Thomas chuckled “Im so sorry. For everything” he whispered, planting a soft, chaste kiss on Alexander’s forehead.

Alexander laughed through his tears.

“Im sorry I... I don’t know where that came from.” Thomas said sheepishly.

Alexander let out a soft giggle and gazed into Thomas’ soft brown eyes. “It’s okay, Thomas.”

Alexander sucked in a breath, and stood on his tippy toes to connect his lips to Thomas’.

George Washington silently opened the door to the office, careful to not alert anyone of his presence. His shoulders were in a tense position, his teeth gritted. When he saw the two men, he smiled and relaxed his shoulders. He shut the door and walked away from the room.

Thomas and Alexander broke apart, smiling at each other.

“I promise you. I’ll try to see things from your point of view from now on. And I’ll be careful with how I react, going forward.” Thomas spoke softly.

Alexander smiled and a tear rolled down his cheek.

A swift noise caught their attention.

“Meet me back in the room when you’re done. Wink wink.- GWash.”

Alexander couldn’t help but break into a fit of giggles.

Thomas put a hand on his shoulder and led him back out the door.

They both walked into the room, acting as if none of it ever happened.

#daveed diggs #hamilton #hamilsquad #hamiltrash #thomas jefferson #jamilton #lin manuel miranda #angst #au #washington #george washington #medical

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tomorrowsdrama · 4 years

Text

Hyena Ep. 16

I’m baaack! Kind of. I think I hit that point in my quarantine life where I kind of lost my mind so I went on an unexpected hiatus that lasted longer than intended. I know it’s been over a month after the finale of Hyena but here are my ramblings. This post is super long so I’ll save my thoughts on the series as a whole for another post.

Objectively, it was a pretty good finale that was entertaining and wrapped up the important plot lines. We even got some sweet otp moments (more on that later) and satisfying smackdown of the bad guy. But subjectively? Personally? Purely based on my selfish expectations? I wanted more romance! More sexiness! I wasn’t expecting a wedding or anything like that but, not even one kiss? Or a long embrace? Why????

I mean, how can you give me all this sexy chemistry in the promos:

And then not make use of it in the finale? That’s just not fair I say! I feel bamboozled!

Ep. 16

Anyway, let’s talk about the parts I enjoyed of the finale. This is mainly (99%) going to be about the moments between Geum Ja and Hee Jae. So on the morning of episode 16, way back when, I woke up so excited for the finale. Since this was the last episode, surely there will be a kiss! And surely it would be epic given the chemistry between JJH and KHS. I mean did you see that kiss in episode 8? So when we started off the episode with the scene of Hee Jae telling Geum Ja he didn’t want to see her hurt anymore, I was amped. Yes, we’re starting off strong with the romantic scenes I thought.

How can you not fall for him?

Geum Ja, you are not a gangster, you do not need to show your story through the scars on your body. Joking aside, it’s sad that she’s been through so much in life that she has the scars to prove it.

I love that Hee Jae says this half-sarcastically but you can tell that he truly does not want Geum Ja to go through any more pain/suffering. And it’s his sincerity that makes Geum Ja smile so softly. And this is where they kiss right?

Nope, he gets a hearty bro punch in the shoulder.

Cut for lots of caps and ramblings. It’s a bit of a mini novel, you’ve been warned!

Mmm I loved how many scenes of concerned Hee Jae we got in this episode.

Geum Ja screams from a nightmare and Hee Jae immediately runs into the office to check on her. The only way he could have reacted so quickly is if he was sitting outside the office guarding Geum Ja which...AHHH I think I’ve just died and gone to hurt/comfort heaven. Just look at JJH’s face.

EEE! I audibly squealed when Geum Ja said this. Ok, now I’ve truly died. Geum Ja? Asking to be comforted? By Hee Jae? What? This is major. She’s finally letting down her walls a little bit around Hee Jae and allowing herself to be vulnerable. Keep on leaning I say! Lean all the way into bed.

Omg and then she showed concern over Hee Jae’s own emotional state despite her own trauma. His dad totally betrayed him just a few hours ago so Hee Jae’s having a pretty shitty day too. But of course, Hee Jae is only concerned about Geum Ja. Ahh, how many times is he going to make me swoon in this episode?

Feet piled on top of each other?! Are they finally in bed together?

Of course not. Unfortunately, this isn’t that type of drama. SIGH. But this is still very sweet and squeal-inducing.

Have I talked about how much I love JJH’s little sly smirks?

I love that these two fools can’t stop worrying about the other. Geum Ja knows better than anyone how deep emotional scars caused by a parent can be. On top of that, Hee Jae’s father was someone he respected and loved, so the blow is even bigger. I just really like it when my otp show how much they care about each other, ok?

Look at that smile on Hee Jae’s face. It’s like there’s no other place he would rather be than next to Geum Ja.

No, please don’t. Y’all are not 12. Please get at least a queen size bed with plenty of room for two adults to move around in and do...adult things lol.

And then. AND THEN! Geum Ja takes the initiative and turns over towards Hee Jae. She’s finally the one taking the first step towards him without any prodding. And Hee Jae smiles to himself and follows her lead to turn over also. And then the two fools smile lovingly at each other as they fall asleep. Omg, excuse me, I need a moment. I’ve temporarily passed on to the other side from sheer otp happiness.

This moment was just too good. I literally raised both my arms up into the air and cheered when I first watched this episode. I thought, wow the writers are feeding us so well. They’re showering us with so many romantic scenes. The otp caring for each other? Being tender with each other? Sharing a “bed?” I don’t want to ever get off this love train, keep it coming! This is only the first third of the episode so surely it can only go up from here.

And then it ended on a comedic note. I guess I should have seen that coming. This is SBS, not TVN (or JTBC from the looks of The World of the Married). Hah, well I suppose they both had a pretty tiring day so it’s understandable that they would not have much energy to do anything else.

It’s the little everyday things like asking if she’s ok that get me.

(JJH I thirst for you.)

Suuuuure you are.

Lol, he wouldn’t be Hee Jae if he didn’t pull something childish/petty. At least Geum Ja is amused by it and finds it cute now. Get you a man who can be both your emotional support and amusing bratty boyfriend.

Geum Ja does end up meeting Hee Jae for dinner and he can’t help but smile a little. Gosh, it takes so little from Geum Ja to make him happy.

(damn, look at that profile!)

So some time during this episode, Geum Ja’s adoptive father died off-screen from the stab wound he sustained while stopping her assailant. At first, I went “Huh, that’s it?” But then the more I thought about it, the more I liked how matter-of-factly it was treated. It’s certainly consistent with how Geum Ja deals with things. Also, she faced her demons/him in a previous episode so you could say that she already resolved that chapter of her life.

Still, you could tell that she’s not completely unaffected by it. KHS’s acting in this scene is so good. You can tell there’s more to it than what she’s saying just by the little subtle changes in her expression. I can only imagine the many complicated feelings she must be experiencing.

On the one hand, he’s the worst part of her past life and surely deserved to die. But on the other hand, unintentional or not, he died saving her. Geum Ja does not state this with any affection or sentimentality in her voice. It is merely something that happened. Thank goodness the writers did not try to redeem him in the last minute. One good deed does not make up for all the violence and abuse inflicted on her and her mother.

Anyway, all that muddled history and emotions would make anybody conflicted. They really handled it the best way they could - simply state what happened and move on. No hate, no praise, no sadness. He was a terrible man who paid the ultimate price and died. I like that Hee Jae understands not to push the matter any further and changes the subject.

Bro, you’re delusional if you think you still have a chance with her.

And then we get to the ubiquitous Big Shareholder Meeting that we see so often in dramas. I love how Geum Ja is so ballsy in everything she does and she does it all in her comfy tracksuits. Of course the Big Shareholder Meeting does not go as planned and Song Pil Jung gets arrested.

God I love the look on Geum Ja’s face. It screams “is this guy still talking to me?”

Can I just say, I love how utterly brutal Geum Ja is in her rejection of Kevin Jung. Woof, ouch. If I ever heard that from someone I liked, I would be so devastated and embarrassed, I’d find a dark hole to bury myself in and lick my wounds. But of course, Kevin, like all the other men who fall for Geum Ja, seems to be into it. It takes a certain type of man to go for Geum Ja and apparently that type is a total masochist who likes getting rejected and their heart ripped out. I mean, to each their own.

I like whenever they do their power couple strut.

A bro fist bump? Really? Hm, I never really fist bumped the guys I dated but that’s cool I guess. They’re going in to destroy Song Pil Jung so I guess a fist bump is appropriate.

Hm, I don’t know. It seems like you’re the one who got arrested.

Bro. Mister. Are you for real? Did you forget all the shitty things you did to her?

Yeah, that’s kind of a big deal I think.

SO. SATISFYING. Whew honey, this exchange gave me life. My skin has cleared, my bank account is full, and I’ve lost 5 pounds.

Yessss I am all for this nerdy JJH in glasses and turtleneck sipping on expensive instant coffee aesthetic.

The couple that taunts together, stays together?

Hahahahaha, Hee Jae talking about being professional at work? Hahahahha.

I live for jealous Hee Jae because he’s extra ridiculous whenever he’s jealous. In this scene he’s getting jealous over Ju-Ho calling Geuma Ja “noona” and it’s like come on, they’re foster siblings. Let him call her noona. Side note, Netflix translates “noona” into Eun-Young, Geum Ja’s real name, and it irks me. Couldn’t they have just translated it into “sis” instead?

Now we’re around the 55 minute mark and I’m thinking, okay this is probably where it’s going to end. This is when it’s going to happen. They don’t have that much time left in the episode. All right, give me us all that we’ve been waiting for.

(Good looking main stays looking good.)

You can’t ever accuse Hee Jae of not being committed to Geum Ja.

We finally get an explanation for why Geum Ja always stared at that huge building

Haha, can you expect anything less from her character? At this point, I’m looking at the remaining time and thinking, ok then, when’s that kiss gonna happen?

SHRIEKS WHAT ARE THOSE HIDEOUS THINGS ON HIS FEET?! On another note, I’m sure Kim Hye Soo must be so glad she doesn’t have to wear those gigantic heels anymore.

Omg, ok, this is it. We’re getting shots of beautiful sexy people strutting and being playful with each other. They’re setting up for a romantic ending kiss. Ok, time to prepare myself.

Yes, put your arms around each other. We’re getting closer now.

Oh, ok. I guess this will be a far away in the distance kind of kiss. That’s ok, too I guess.

Oh, wait. Never mind. Looks like we’re going to get a frontal view of the ending kiss after all. Even better!

What? That’s it? What? Did I miss something? This can’t be.

Oh whew. An epilogue. Ok, this is when it’s going to happen.

Hahaha, they’re totally using the vloggers to advertise for their law firm. I love how Hee Jae has loosened up on what he thinks a proper lawyer should act like and it’s reflected in his more flamboyant wardrobe choices.

These damn fist bumps again. All the time spent fist bumping could have been spent hugging and kissing. Priorities, people!

Hah, like hell Hee Jae would ever leave Geum Ja.

Haha knew it. Boy is more whipped than whipped cream.

This pretty much sums up their dynamic. SIGH I’m not going to get my kiss am I.

Oh no. That caption can only mean one thing.

Yeeep. That’s it. This is the end. Finito.

Well. All right then. You know, the first time I watched this episode, I felt very disappointed that there was no final kiss. I mean the last time we saw them kissing was in episode 8 at the midpoint of the drama. This drama was clearly a rom com/screwball comedy so it only seemed fitting that there would be one last kiss scene. That’s how you end a romantic drama! But alas.

Actually, upon re-watching and re-capping this episode, I realized that even though we did not get any kiss scene, the writers still gave us plenty of sweet moments between Hee Jae and Geum Ja. We got to see their lovely progression into becoming partners who supported and trusted each other so that was nice. Even though they’re clearly together now, it’s nice to see that they still have their playful bickering dynamic. So objectively, it was a nice ending. I just personally wanted more smooches.

If you made it through this entire post, thank you for expending so much time reading my ramblings and congratultaions on having so much patience!

#sbs hyena #hyena #ju ji hoon #kim hye soo #joo ji hoon #kdrama

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sebbybooks · 4 years

Text

Our Vintage Summers(PT3)

Sebastian Stan x Fanfiction

"All I need is to remember

how it was to feel alive."

-Aurora

My eyelids were heavy as I tried to flutter them open. Slowly my vision came back to me as the blurbs of light and shapes began to take on real form. I had to steady my breath careful not to let my nerves takeover because it took me a while to adjust to my surroundings to figure out where I was and how I ended up back in this old bedroom of mine. I stared mindlessly up at the ceiling watching the cracks that formed around the dandelion shaped crystal chandelier that once radiated the most calming ambient light. As I stare at it now I see that it is nothing more than a hideous piece of architecture from my hellish childhood. Memories began to accompany the pain then right on time images of Sebastian fading into nothing flashed through my brain.

I jolted myself forward when realization finally kicked in but my attempt to get of out bed was short lived. I was met with a stabbing pain that shot through my head at full force that made me wince. I squeezed my eyes shut feeling like at any minute I was going to be sick. You would think I took a nasty beating to the skull from how badly it hurt.

I couldn't move the lower half of my body if I wanted to. I was tightly tucked underneath the duvet that I was burning up under. I laid there immobile and in misery. I couldn't call out for anyone all of my energy felt depleted and I was starting to feel dizzy on top of it. The thoughts in my head wouldn't slow down as they danced around taunting me. The only face I wasn't able to escape belonged to the one person that made me feel like I was going completely insane. Hell, maybe I was going a little mad. There was no way what I saw was real. How could I explain seeing a person vanish before my very eyes? The short answer was I couldn't.

Suddenly the door to the bedroom shot opened I was able to lift my head to look to see who had entered. Quickly coming over to the bed I saw out of the corner of my eye it was my sister Anya. The look of concern she wore on her face quickly diminished when she looked down and saw that I was conscious.

"You're awake!" She whispered. Anya's pinched expression was replaced with a toothy smile. "You had us worried sick Sia. Justin just found you face down on the kitchen floor." I could hardly find it in me to speak so I just let out a exasperated sigh in response. She brushed through my hair gently with her hand careful not to press down on my head too hard, brushing my hair away from my face. I was grateful for that because my hair was starting to cling to my skin. It felt like I was getting hotter and hotter by the second I needed a fan or a window to be let open. I feared I might be at risk of passing out again.

"Jesus Sia you are burning up." Anya said finally stating the obvious as she flipped her hand back and forth over my forehead. I used all the energy I had to raise my hand to motion that I needed air. "Let me go get you an ice pack and turn the AC up." She said as she started to turn around to leave.

"Anya." My voice came out like a croak.

"Yeah sis?"

I had to move my tongue around in my mouth a few times to get a bit of moisture flowing. My throat was so incredible hoarse I could hardly understand my own voice. Plus it pained me to even move my jaw in the slightest. I needed to know so I used all that I had to say his name. "Sebastian?"

Her brows furrowed in confusion as she looked back at me like I had a horn coming from the center of my forehead. Thinking she didn't hear me I attempted to utter his name again. This time she reacted as if I was the one confused. "Sia you hit your head pretty hard now you're just saying random names. Maybe Remi was right and we need to call an ambulance."

I began to pull myself up, but again quickly regretted it. "Anya where. . . where did he go?"

Standing in the middle of the doorway. "Where did who go?" I could hear the genuine frustration laced in her tone.

"Sebastian?" I spoke his name like I was unsure of who I was referring to myself.

Defeated she stared back at me with pity and worry in her eyes. "We met a lot of people at grandma's funeral, but we don't know anyone by that name. The only people here with us is Justin, Remi, and Gavin remember? I'm going to give Dr. Thomas a call after all to see if he will come out and look at you just to be sure that you're ok." She huffed out as she pulled her cellphone from her back pocket.

I don't know why but my eyes began to cloud over with tears. "He showed up to the house tonight right as the storm rolled in." Listening to the sound of my own voice it sounded like I had an ugly cold. I could tell she was trying to ignore me. Despite how badly it hurt to talk I kept going. "We met him earlier on the beach Anya, mom introduced him to us. Sebastian told us that he knew our grandmother why aren't you listening to me?" As delusional and pathetic I must've sounded to top it all off I started to sob uncontrollably. It hurt to even puff out a breath of air. Wet hot tears rolled down my face. I was losing it.

"Hello Dr.Thomas this is Anya Foxwood, Nora and Keith's daughter. I am terribly sorry to be disturbing you this late I wouldn't have called if I didn't think it was an emergency." I began to block the sound of my sister as I reclined my tired body back onto the bed.

The rain that continued to pour down from the sky loudly started to pick up and beat against the windowsill. The drumming sound of thunder accompanied it in the background to add to the mix of noises. Teardrops pooled from the corners of my eyes. I was engulfed in an uncomfortable wave of sadness that I myself couldn't even explain. I didn't want to admit it but I swear it felt like my heart was crying out for him. Which was the strangest sensation I didn't even know him! I started to even second guess if he was real. An that all of this was just apart of a cursed day that refused to end.

I sank my body down further into the bed trying to hold on to the last details of Sebastian and I's conversation. I had this gut feeling about him that I had trouble deciphering if was good or bad. Yet, my wild emotions that jumped out in his presence urged me to quell any doubts that I had. Which was an unsafe mindset I found myself trapped in. He was on the verge of telling me something that he so desperately wanted me to know. Then shit went supernatural.

The room fell silent I didn't even notice when Anya stepped away. She closed the door closing off what little air I did receive. It felt like a sauna in here. I could barely catch my breath. I assumed the pain in my head was worsening because it started to feel like I was spinning, despite the fact I was laying completely still. In all honesty at the risk of sounding dramatic I was convinced in this moment I was dying. I've never had a migraine make me feel like my brain was hemorrhaging painfully slow. I wanted to scream out in agony but my throat felt restricted unable to call out for help. I barely could move a muscle and that was the scariest part of it all. I waited for it to get worse so it would finally be over. I had no choice but to accept whatever was to come freeing me from this torment.

Gasping for air at this point I closed my eyes thinking it would help bring me an inkling of comfort to ease my suffering. Almost on an instant my limbs began to feel more relaxed and a sense calmness washed through my body. I could feel rays of sunlight grazing every inch of my skin. Through my closed eyelids the lights grew brighter like I was laying under direct sunlight of some sorts. When I tried turning on my side I felt tiny grains of sand underneath me and that's when my eyelids shot open. Clearly I died or was dreaming. Somehow I ended up back on the beach

As I raised myself from the sand I looked around in confusion as I watched the strangers around me partake in the elements around them. Couples were strolling alongside the water, children were playing in the sand, families were huddled together smiling and laughing. I scanned the area around me all appeared normal, except something was definitely off.

Pushing myself up I had to quickly access my attire it felt like I was nearly naked. I was dressed in a blush pink high waisted polka dot bikini with a swim top that left none to the imagination. It didn't take long for me to pick up on the attention I was attracting. Mothers with their children stared back at me with disdain while their husbands were doing a poor job hiding the fact that they were skeevy. While it was apparent I stuck out like a sore thumb I noticed something about everyone's choice of modest swimwear and style. They all looked like they stepped out of a scene from a Fitzgerald novel.

A loud nervous laugh escaped from me and I quickly clamped my hand across my mouth. I could sense myself starting to panic, clearly I was experiencing a very realistic dream. I felt every sensation like it was happening in real time. Squinting my eyes from the bright sunlight I was slightly terrified to move and explore my new location. What startled me the most was the fact that I recognized exactly where I was. Spinning around on my bare feet in the hot sand the only thing that was familiar to me was seeing that my grandmother's house was still sitting on the sand dune up ahead.

"How in the hell?" I said aloud, my voice trailing off as I tried to screw my head on straight. The Victorian styled beach house was nearly unrecognizable. Its previous cold and uninviting essence on the outside was replaced with a great deal of decadency and warmth. There were no longer old vines that clung to every crevice on the house. Lively blue and violet hydrangeas adorned it instead as they climbed up the structure of the house. The dead shrubbery was replaced with vibrant yellow forsythia plants that lined against the house. On the front lawn children joyfully chased after a rabbit while men and women whose faces I didn't know were scattered across the front of the house engaged in a party. From the looks of it they were having a good time. All the years I've seen that house it never looked more alive.

"HEY LADY WATCH OUT!!" Before I could move fast enough to see who was shouting to get my attention I was taken out by a flying blue frisbee. Thankfully it missed my face but the thick plastic disc went straight to my neck knocking the wind out of me. Doubling over in pain I crouched down trying to stop my uncontrollable coughing attack. I gasped for air right as I noticed two sets of feet quickly pick up that weapon and take off running in a fit of laughter.

"Those little shits are you alright Miss?" By now surely I could recognize that voice which made my heart flip in my chest. I looked up as I brought my hand to massage the area of impact on my neck. "Sia?" Sebastian said my name carefully upon recognition.

I couldn't blink. If I did I was one hundred percent certain he would waste away again. He didn't look like he did when I last saw him in my grandmother's kitchen. Eyeing him I noticed that he was an exact replica of the man I saw in the photo I found. There was a sun kissed tan to him, his hair was shorter and tindruls of curls fell on his forehead. He was even dressed in the same opened buttoned white linen shirt and blue and white swim shorts. The more I noticed that the similarities were exactly the same my knees started to tremble and I was close to falling onto my ass until Sebastian reached out and grabbed me. Slightly tilted off balance he kept his arms arms secured around my waist so that I wouldn't fall down. I gave into my weight trusting that he would hold me steady. I no longer cared to try to rationalize what on earth was happening. I tipped my head back up at him still in utter disbelief , "You remember who I am?"

He looked down at me and I'm sure we mirrored the same shocked expression. "Of course I remember." Sebastian's chest was rising and falling at a fast speed. The grip he had on my frail frame tightened but it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling. He was holding onto me almost as if he was afraid to let go.

His focus never drifted away from my face which caused me to feel bashful underneath his affectionate gaze. For a minute I was concerned that he had gone mute, sensing what I was thinking he positioned me back on my feet backing away to put distance between us. Sebastian looked like he was fighting with himself to come near me again. My hands twitched just to touch any part of him. I was tired of fighting what I couldn't understand.Hiding my disappointment I looked away just long enough to catch my breath stealing a glance of the house once again. "I have been telling myself not to freak out, but I'm starting to fail miserably."

"None of this is going right." His shoulders were tense like he was unable to relax any muscle. It was visible that whatever was bothering him was making him upset. "I'm still trying to make sense myself, but for right now I need you to trust me so we can get you somewhere where she won't be able to find you like this."

.....

(A/N* Hi beautiful creatures! I know it's taken me a while to update this fic, for a minute I was unsure if I wanted to continue writing it. I promise not to take forever to upload the next part! Just an fyi If you had ever asked me to tag you the reason I didn't was only due to the fact it has been such a long time. Therefore I had it in the back of my mind you simply forgot about it (which is fine!). If you want to know when I post the next part just let me know and I'll happily do so! I hope you guys are having a wonderful day or night! If not I promise it'll get better😘)

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red-pill-blue-pill · 5 years

Text

Talk to me. Keanu reeves.

A/N: This is my first request ever (for @celestiaelisia) and I hope it meets the standards 💖

Word Count: 3337 (more or less I've edited this like a thousand times dude)

Summary: You work as assistant director in the John Wick 3 set and everything is quite shitty in your personal life.

Warnings: Body shaming (your coworkers shame you because of your weight so if it’s triggering for you please don’t risk it. You are all beautiful no matter what.), angsty angst.

Sunset Boulevard was crowded with tourists, as always. You walked fast, making your way through, you had no time to waste. You needed a new job. You had moved to LA a year ago. The relationship with your parents was hanging by a thread. You were a reckless teenager often getting yourself into trouble. Everything started when you stuck up for yourself in high school, people blamed you for the fights that happened and the director had to call your parents every other week. That's when you started skipping school, staying late out and fighting endlessly with you mother. The only support you had was your older sister. She had always been by your side in every tough situation. You came to her to seek comfort, to joke around, to cry your eyes out. She was everything to you, the only thing that prevented you from leaving. One day the situation got out of hands and you just had to run away. Your first option was LA, the city of dreams, or so people said. You'd wanted to be a movie director since you were a little girl. In high school your highest grades were the photography and audiovisuals ones, it was a vocation. When you arrived you rented a room in a small apartment with two other girls and looked for a job in the film industry, soon losing your hopes as it was a lot harder than it seemed and sticking to waitressing while looking longingly at the hollywood sign instead.

You had just been fired from your latest job. You were waitressing in a cheap dinner down town. Greasy food, watered down coffee and terrible tips. But life kept on going and rent wasn't going to pay itself so you had to keep on looking for another job. Looking online you found an opening as assistant director for the third John Wick movie. You experience in the field wasn't impressive so you didn't think much of it besides applying and keep giving out resumes at restaurants and dinners. Deep, deep down you still had a little gleam of hope that told you they would call you. Surprisingly, they did call, and the first thing you did was phone your sister. When you told her she got even more excited than you, she had always believed in you and even though this was just a little step she knew it was the beggining of a succesful career.

The filming had started a couple of weeks ago. Being in New York felt pretty rad. You walked effortlessly around the set, giving out the day's scripts, delivering clothes door to door, bringin everyone their cup of coffee... it almost seemed like you floated around. No one knew how you managed to do all of that by yourself. Sure you had some coworkers with the exact same work as you but they would rather spend their time sitting around doing nothing. Truth is you loved this job. You loved having the opportunity to meet actors and actresses, learning about directing and producing films and keeping your mind busy. You always carried around a little notepad to write down all the tips the director and the producers gave you. Your coworkers saw you as the ass-licker assistant and considering how people praised you for your good work, their hatred for you grew and grew each time someone complimented you. At first, you didn't care, you knew you had been working hard and that you deserved to be recognized for that. However, when the first insult came you knew it was going to be be harder than you thought.

"Hey fattie, why don't you bring me a coffee." one of your coworkers said as you were about to exit the trailer the director had assigned for all of you to take your work breaks in. You turned around to look at him, shocked by the words that had left his mouth. Your cheeks turned a bright red color and the other colleage sitting next to him stiffled a laugh. You were trying to process what had just happened, memories of high school came rushing to your mind like a shit tornado. This was too familiar. Sure, you were overweight but after all the bullying you had endured as a teen you finally thought of yourself as an intelligent, beautiful and sweet individual. You knew your weight didn't define you and you certainly didn't care about what others thought of you. However, hearing that "nickname" again made it all come back: the insecurity, the shame. You opened your mouth to answer but nothing came out, your brain replaying in loop how your classmates yelled insults towards you in the halls and how the girls teased you in gym class. Your eyes watered and you rushed out of the trailer, slamming the door behind you and trying to get away as fast as possible. You ran between the trailers, in search of yours. You picked up your phone to give a quick call to your sister, to ask for advice. You let it beep a few times, her answering machine spoke and told you to leave a message. "Hi sis, I was just calling to get some advice. It's been a couple of days since we last talked, hope you're okay. Give me a call." You hung up and kept walking fast.

“y/n!”

You cursed under your breath as you heard that familiar voice calling you. You dried the few tears that had escaped with the back of your hand and put on the fakest smile you could, hoping he wouldn’t knotice your flustered face. You turned around and waved as you saw him approach you “Hey Keanu!”

He tried to steady his short breaths “Wow you almost outran me there.” he chuckled.

“Well, be careful grandpa.” you said holding back a laugh. He looked at you with eyes wide open as he laughed hard.

“You offended me with that one I must say.” He stared at you with a playful grin and you felt your heart pound in your chest.

He was wearing his John Wick suit and a few fake cuts on his face and the only think you could think of was how good he would look without that suit. Yes, maybe you had a little crush on him. Of course you did, who could resist him? After a couple of weeks of shooting you two had gotten pretty close. He was such a sweet man, he always listened to everything you had to say and he was really fun to be around. You just wished he would ask you on a date and hold your hand and kiss you. His voice got you out of your little daydream. “Anyways, I came to ask if you wanted to grab something to eat after work.” Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. “Sure!” you said trying to play it cool.

Weeks passed by and the mean comments just got worse and worse. "Disgusting" "Why don't you go to the gym fattie" "That shirt looks too tight on you we can see your rolls." No one on set knew and you planned to keep it that way. The shame was already unbearable and if everyone found out it was going to be even worse. Your self steem was slowly dissolving, leaving you feeling like an empty carcass, a shadow of the person you used to be. Outside you were still the same, no one noticed something was wrong, but inside you were an anxious mess. You feared everytime you had to walk on set, everytime you had to go out. You felt everyone's eyes on you, where you once had seen admiration you saw judgemental stares that burned on your skin. You started declining Keanu's invitations to go out to eat, coming up with shitty excuses you knew he didn't buy. You isolated yourself instead, crying you eyes out in your trailer, wishing to hug your sister and get that comfort you so desperately needed. She hadn't returned any of your calls and it all was adding to your anxiety. Was she alright? Had your parents finally convinced her to stop talking to you? On top of that you were messing up the friendship you had managed to build with Keanu. How could a girl like you be so delusional as to fall for a man like him. He would never see you as anything more than a good friend, if you were still friends that is. You were pushing him away, just as you always did. It hurt like hell. Tears started flowing again, harder this time. You were sure people walking by outside could hear you sobbing but you didn't care.

Keanu walked by your trailer to get to his and he stopped in his tracks when he heard you sobbing. He was starting to worry about you. He didn't know if you were trying to avoid him because you wanted to end your friendship or if there was something wrong in your personal life. Either way he wanted to find out. He enjoyed spending time with you, he always had fun when you were around. He thought of you as a bright, fun and beautiful woman who didn't give a fuck about what others thought of her. Your strength and sense of righteousness were the things he loved the most about you. The way you stuck up for what you believed in was admirable. That bright and cheerful side of you was already fading and he had noticed from the first moment. Keanu wasn't the type to intrude in someone's personal matters but when he heard you crying he knew he had to do something, he just had to think the best way to approach you.

The next day went by as always. You made small talk with the crew, talked to the director and producer to write down some notes about what they told you, and tried to avoid Keanu as much you could. You had caught him staring a couple of times and you just waved as you walked away. Fast. You knew he could sense something was off and you feared what would happen if he found out. "Maybe he'll join them. Or maybe he'll just laugh at you for being so fucking weak." Your mind whispered as your eyes welled up with tears.

Your trailer door closing behind your was the sweetest sound to you. It meant you were safe from the outside world, no one could mess with you in your safe space. Unless...

Your phone started ringing, breaking the silence of your small house. You ran to pick it up thinking it your be your sister but instead a male voice spoke.

"Hello. Are you y/n y/l/n?"

"Yes. And who are you?" You said, your heart rate rising up dangerously.

"I'm you sister's husband." Silence took over the phone line. He was waiting for some kind of reaction that never came, so he spoke again, sniffling lightly. "Its all happened so fast. One day she was fine and the next one she had to be hospitalized and when you didn't come I assumed your parents didn't even call you-" he rushed his words.

Your breath hitched and your head suddenly felt light "What?" You mumbled

"She passed away last week. Today was her funeral. I'm so sorry."

The phone fell to the floor. Suddenly everything felt like it was spinning in circles. Your heart threatened to come out your mouth and the tightness in your throat made it difficult to breathe. You fell to your knees with a loud thump. You opened your mouth to take a deep breath but a scream came out instead. A raw pained scream that tore apart your insides.

Keanu was smoking a cigarette outside his trailer. The weather was good considering it was winter and if he smoked inside the smell lingered on the bed sheets which he actually found pretty nasty if he thought about it. He was staring at New York's lightning, his thoughts lost in y/n, thinking about her behaviour. He blew the smoke and watched as it mingled with his condensating breath and danced in the cold air. The night was silent which was something strange in New York City, it felt almost peaceful. He finished the cigarette and walked to a nearby trash to throw away the butt. A pained scream cut the silence and echoed in the trailer zone. Then silence. Then another one followed. He turned around and started running towards where he thought it came. His heart was pounding in his ribcage, fearing the worst thing. He could tell who was the source, he would’ve known from a thousand miles away.

He busted the door open and found you there, sitting on the floor with your arms wrapped around yourself as you screamed all your pain away.

“y/n!” he kneeled on the floor next to you and hugged you tight. “What happened?” he said over your screams, worry obvious in his voice. He rocked you back and forth while he whispered sweet nothings into your ear, trying to get you to calm down so you could talk to him. It took a couple of minutes but you managed to stop screaming, turning into a crying mess as you slowly wrapped your head around that phone call.

“My sister.” you said sobbing into his chest as he rubbed circles on your back. “she passed away.” as you let out those words total realization hit you and the tears started flowing faster.

“I’m so sorry, love.” Keanu planted a kiss on your hair as he let you cry a little more.

When you managed to calm down -or maybe when you ran out of tears to spill- you took deep breaths and Keanu’s voice flooded your ears

“Are you hungry?” you shook your head no and he just sighed “Okay. I’m gonna grab some stuff from my trailer to spend the night here. I’ll be back.”

You moved off his lap and he stood up. “Keanu” you spoke, you voice sore and broken “It’s okay, really, you don’t have to stay.” god, you were a terrible liar.

He smiled sweetly from the doorway “I know i don’t have to, I want to. Now wait for me, it shouldn’t take longer than five minutes.” When he closed the door you let out a shaky breath and pinched the bridge of your nose.

He was right, he was back five minutes later with a bag full of food, a pile of blankets and some movies to watch on your laptop. He was an actual angel. He put everything down and sat next to you on the small couch, staring silently at you. You gave him a questioning look.

“I know you don’t want to but I need you to talk to me. Open yourself up. I know something’s wrong.” he reached out to hold your hand. “Okay.” you took a few seconds to prepare yourself.

“Since I started working here my coworkers had been shaming me because of...” you used the hand that keanu wasn’t holding to gesture to your body. He raised his eyebrows. “Yeah. Anyways, it’s affecting me a lot, that's why I avoided you, I didn’t want to make you feel embarrassed." He sighed relieved now that he knew you didn’t want to end their friendship but it hurt to think you really believed he was embarrassed of you.

“And then there’s my sister.” you choked on your words and Keanu knew not to push it. He hugged you again.

“Who’s shaming you?” he said against your hair. His voice had turned serious, a kind of seriousness you’d never heard from him, it was almost scary.

“No Keanu, there’s only a couple of weeks left I can deal with it.”

“Tell me.” he pulled away to look into your eyes, his gaze so intense you felt he was looking right into your soul.

“The other assistant directors.”

“Okay. I’ll take care. Are you sure you’re okay?” he checked once again.

You nodded. It wasn’t entirely true. You just didn’t feel anything at all. Pain had been replaced by nothingness and the void in your chest was even more consuming than the anxiety.

“Do you want to take a shower?”

You raised an eyebrow and he quickly corrected himself. “No, no I didn’t mean it like that.” his cheeks turned rosy and he thanked god for the dimly lit room. “A shower usually helps me relax a little.”

“Yeah I guess I could use a good shower and fresh clothes.” You stood up and walked to the small wardrobe, picking your pijamas and fresh underwear.

“Will you be okay?” Keanu asked from the sofa as you were about to close the door. The white light from the bathroom shone on half of your face and for a first time he could take a good look at your red puffy eyes and flustered cheeks. His heart broke at the sight. He still thought you were beautiful, your plump cheeks screamed for him to kiss them and he had to resist the urge to just run to you and do it.

“Don’t worry. I’ll call you if I need something.” you said smiling weakly at him.

You opened the door, steam flooded the small living-room, the scent of your shampoo invading the space. You stepped out of the bathroom, your hair still wet and your hairbrush in your hand. The wet trails of your tears got lost between the droplets of water that still lingered in your eyelashes.

“C’mere” He said opening his legs and motioning you to sit down on the floor between them. He took your brush and started gently brushing your wet hair. He untangled the loose knots on your hair, the feeling of his hands caressing it making you hum with delight. This was by far the best moment of your day, maybe even the best moment of the week.

The brushing stopped too soon for your liking and his hands dropped to your shoulders, massaging softly. “Do you want to watch a film or eat something?” His voice was soft, as if he was scared to startle you, and it felt velvety in your ears making your eyelids feel heavier than they did before.

“Can we just go to bed?” that was the only thing you really wanted to do, leave this day behind as fast as posible. He nodded softly standing up and offering you a hand. You took it and stood up too, leading the way to the bed in the back of the trailer. You lied down with Keanu next to you. His fingers intertwined with yours as his thumb rubbed circles on the back of your hand.

“y/n” he whispered into the dark. You hummed in response. “I don’t know if I’m overstepping here but you’re beautiful.” you felt your face heat up at the comment. “What I want to say is, your weight doesn’t define you and you are one of the most cheerful, bright and amazing people I’ve ever met. Don't anyone tell yoy otherwise.” He raised his hand still intertwined with yours and kissed your skin softly.

You felt a tear slid down you face. “Hug me. Please.” You turned your back to him and he spooned you. His arm was around your waist and his face was in the crook of your neck. His beard tickled you and his breathing was hot on your skin, his lips kissing your neck every couple of minutes.

“I would never be embarrassed of you, if anything, I'll cherish and adore you every day of my life.” he mumbled against your skin. You didn’t know what to say so you put your hand over the one he was resting on your belly and gave it a little squeeze. “Tomorrow will be another day.”

He was right. The thought of getting up tomorrow was dreadful to you but you had to push through, for yourself, for your sister, and that, with Keanu by your side, seemed a little easier.

#keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves fic #keanu reeves oneshot #John Wick #keanu reeves #My writing #request #keanu reeves au #keanu reeves headcanon

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pitchedblqck · 4 years

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Twinkling lights. Quiet murmurs. Silhouettes dancing. A soft melody was playing on the background. The smell of romance is very evident in the air. Each people in that hall minding their own business, like how Josiah and Reniella are lacking mindful attention on what's happening around them.

Their bodies pressed against each other swaying to the every beat of the music, savouring that very moment. Her eyes on him. His, on hers. Like black orbs in a starry night sky, enchanting the both of them. No one dares to speak. Time stands still in a flash. Or is it just them?

The night isn't getting any younger anymore. Like how Cinderella's clock will struck at 12 of midnight, he knows the magic will end.

Soon.

It's now or never.

Josiah cleared his throat. His existence was a living irony right now. He looks cool, calm and collected on the outside dancing with Rei. But his system is a never-ending series of a jumbled mess. He feels like throwing up. He was never been nervous around a girl of before. And on top of that, it was his bestfriend. His bestfriend!

Malilikot ang mga mata ni Josiah na agad bumalik sa mukha ni Rei. He stopped. Since when did Reniella become this beautiful? Or is it just him? Should he just keep his feelings a secret? What will she say? Will she reject him? Why would he confess in the first place? Their friendship was at stake here! Is he really doing this? Will it be all worth it? He can't help but to overthink. Ah, nababaliw na siya.

It's now or never, Josiah.

Reniella's forehead creased when he felt Josiah's cold hands. What's with him? She raised a brow at him. "Montefalco, okay ka-"

Ah, screw him. It's now or never. Josiah's forever mantra.

"Reniella, I like you." Without a warning, he said.

A beat.

The room turned in silence. Their beating hearts can be heard from a distant. Nahinto ang pagsasayaw nilang dalawa. The imaginary bubble between them burst in an instant. And Josiah was already cursing himself for ruining it. Damn it.

Reniella was taken aback. It was an understatement. She doesn't know that those four words can greatly affect her until now. She doesn't know what to say or think. She was speechless! She couldn't describe what she is feeling right now. Mas lalong lumakas ang kalabog ng dibdib niya. Her chest was heaving up and down. Nahihilo na siya kung ano-anong ideyang pumapasok sa isip niya.

Lumuwag ang kapit niya kay Josiah at kung hindi lang hinigpitan ng huli ang hawak niya sa kanya ay tuluyan na siyang bibitaw. At tatakbo. Palayo.

Did she heard it right? Or she's just hearing things? Please, let it be the latter. She pleaded to God knows where.

Huminga si Josiah ng malalim. He should explain or what. He heaved a sigh for the umpteenth time, finally composing his thoughts. "Rei, gusto kita. I don't know how or—"

"Josiah, what— what the hell?" She asked breathlessly cutting Josiah's words.

Seeing Reniella's betrayed face, Josiah knows it was the end for him. His pleading eyes met with her confused ones. Ibang-iba sa nakita niya kanina. Nagbabadya ang pagpatak ng luha sa mga ito. He wished he can reach her face right now to brush those tears but he felt like he doesn't have any right to do so.

Josiah already expected this kind of reaction from her. But it still hurts like a bitch. Natawa siya sa isip niya. He was delusional to think that Reniella will accept his feelings the moment he will confess.

Tuluyan ng bumitiw ang hawak nila sa isa't isa. Reniella was continuously shaking her head, it's as if she wants to forget everything she have heard. She was stepping backwards away from him. The fear crawls under his skin to his bones until it seeps on his heart and soul as he watch her making the distance from him bigger and bigger.

Will they still be the same? No. Impossible.

"I'm sorry." Was all Josiah could hear from Reniella before she finally turns her back away from him.

And all he can do was watch.

Between the sea of people having their own little worlds, the image of a girl walking away from the guy who hopelessly likes her can be seen from a distant.

He should've known.

The midnight strikes twelve. The magic has ended.

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chobit92 · 4 years

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Home: Jacob Seed/OC Chapter 28

Warnings: Violence, Child Abuse, Rape, Drugs

(2 days later: Friday: Faith is sitting in Joseph’s church arranging flowers into bunches. Joseph is writing in a book. Just then Lexi walks in with a man.). Lexi: Faith your sister has agreed to join us. Faith: What? She has? How do you know? Man: You need to see this. (The man turns on the TV and tunes it to a channel. Faith gasps as she sees Mara on the screen sat in a chair. Her surroundings are dark but she can just make out where she is.). Faith: Is she... Man: John’s bunker. Lexi: Will saw it in the canteen he just came and told us. (Faith stands up and watches as Mara looks at the camera.). John: Are you going to confess? Mara: Yes. John: You will confess and you will atone? Mara: Yes. (Faith watches in shock as John moves into view. Faith gasps as John grabs Mara’s hair and yanks her head back. She then stares as John jams the screwdriver into her sisters neck making her bleed.). Lexi: John ain’t playing. Man: She don’t look too scared though. John: Confess. Mara: Just remember that you asked for it.

(John takes the screwdriver away from Mara’s neck and disappears from view. Mara sighs and looks at the camera.). Mara: Um...I don’t know if there’s a specific way of doing this. Things your meant to say. I’m just gonna start at the beginning. (Joseph is looking at the TV. Will walks in.). Will: Have you seen it? Faith: Yes. I don’t understand why he is broadcasting it. Will: I don’t know. Mara: Some of you may think I’m mad. Some of you might think I’m a monster. Maybe some of you will understand what I did. I was born to parents who did nothing but sell drugs and abuse. My mother always wished that she had just had an abortion. I was never wanted. By her or my father. She kept me locked in the basement. Coming into this bunker today was the hardest thing I’ve done in years. All I can see is that basement. Still hear my mom screaming about what a mistake I am. How useless I am. She believed that I was the devil. Hell maybe she was right. Faith: No sis she wasn’t. (Will rubs Faiths shoulder.). Mara: She would whip me until my back was red raw. She would starve me for days and give me no water. It was dark down there and damp. I was always cold, always hungry and always in pain. Alone in the dark. (Tears roll down Mara’s cheeks. Faith is also crying. Will puts his arm around her.). Will: You know what she did don’t you Faith? Faith: Yes. (Faith lets out a sob and buries her head in Wills Jacket.). Mara: I was never allowed out of the basement because my mother didn’t want anyone to know I existed. In fact nobody did. My mother never told anyone she was pregnant. She never went to a doctor. She gave birth at home. She said it was agony. That I was a little bitch for putting her through so much pain. As if I had somehow decided to be there. She told me that the pain was Gods punishment for giving birth to the devil. She was delusional. Probably all the drugs she took. I was surprised when my father let me out of the basement. It was a strange experience. Being kept underground then suddenly seeing the rest of the house. The window and...Outside. It was confusing. My dad was friends with the priest who used to run the church in Falls End. Some priest he was, turned out he liked children. He liked them a lot. Will: Ah hell. (Joseph is watching the screen with interest.). Mara: I didn’t like him second I saw him. The way he looked at me. The way he spoke. My dad told me to help my mom so I went to the living room. Mom was there and I helped her clean the living room then I was shoved back down in the basement. My sister wasn’t kept in the basement like me. She had her own room. I thought she was loved and cared for. John: You were jealous of her? Mara: No. Worse than that. I was happy for her. I thought she was loved and cared for. She wasn’t. Least in the basement I was left alone most of the time. My baby sister went through hell and I didn’t even know anything about it. I had no clue. That priest came down to the basement one day and started touching me. I had found a large nail, I was using it to draw on the wall. I stuck it in his face, took a load of skin off and left him with a nasty scar. He screamed. My mom came down and got real angry with me. Called me ‘Devil’ again. Then she carved the word into my back. I was six years old. Man: Damn. (Will lets out a breath. Faith is still crying.). Mara: My sister sometimes visited me in the basement. She would sneak me a drink or some food. I remember being so happy that she was okay. She was never dirty, always dressed nice. While my parents were out we would sit and talk to each other for ages. We would play games and cuddle. Over time me and my sister grew close. She was sad that I was kept in the basement. But I looked forward to her visits. When I was a teenager I was finally let out of the basement. I think my mom hoped I would leave the house and not come back. My father told me to piss off to my face. ‘Go on go you little bitch’ he spat. I finally got to see the world. Well...Hope County anyway. It was hard at first. Especially talking to people. But I met some nice people who became my friends. Most people knew who my parents were. They were the ones that dealt drugs to everyone. Even young kids who were still in school. I learned that the drugs my dad sold had already killed two kids. I wondered why the police hadn’t arrested him. Turned out the Sheriff at the time and my dad were best mates. Just like he was best mates with the priest too. Could get away with whatever he wanted. I finally thought that things could be okay. I’d managed to make friends and I was finally out of the basement. I still had to sleep down there though. I thought that once I was a bit older I could take my sister and go. Get our own place together. It’s amazing what you think is possible when you’re a kid. When I was fourteen my sister told me that she was being bullied at school. She showed me bruises on her ribs and a cut on her arm where they’d attacked her. So I went up the school when it finished and waited. I saw my sister walking out and then I saw them. Three of ‘em. One of ‘em grabbed her and pulled her hair while the other one pulled out a little flick knife. I marched over to them and punched the first one. I got the knife off the other one and stuck it in his arm. He was crying like a baby. The other one ran off. Oh my mom was furious when she heard what I’d done. Locked me back in the basement after whipping me again. The boys didn’t bully my sister again though. When I was fifteen my parents went away for the weekend. They took my sister with them and left me on my own. (Mara sighs.). Mara: It was Saturday night and I was looking around the house. I’d found my dad’s whiskey and decided to have some. I was looking around upstairs and that’s when I found them. In my parents’ wardrobe there was a box of tapes. I was curious as to what they were, they didn’t have anything written on them. Curiosity killed the cat though right? I couldn’t believe what I was watching. My baby sister being violated over and over again by my dad and that priest. My mom was there watching. Who does that to their daughter? In the first video she could only be about six. There were over thirty tapes. All filled with images of my baby sister being raped repeatedly. I couldn’t watch it all. I went to the church in Falls End. He looked surprised when he saw me. He looked even more surprised when he saw the kitchen knife I’d bought with me. (Will sighs. Faith is still crying quietly.). Mara: I lost count of how many times I stabbed that dirty raping bastard. I should have cut his dick off. He had this ornate cross on his table. I don’t really know what made me do it but I thought it was fitting. I picked up the cross and shoved it through his chest. Then I went back home. The priest wasn’t found until the morning. Sunday. Church day. Not that day. Church was closed, surrounded by crime scene tape. Who would do such a thing? (Mara laughs.). John: You let your anger take control of you. Your sin is wrath. Mara: Yeah. You can put the screwdriver down though. I ain’t finished yet. I walked around town and listened to what everyone was saying about the grisly murder. I even heard that people were coming forward to say that the priest had abused them. He hadn’t just done it to my sister. He was a paedophile. Not a priest. I ended up hanging out with Wheaty in the woods. I didn’t get home until late. My parents were back by then. They had heard about their beloved friend being killed. My father had lost his temper. He thought it was all my sisters fault. My father was worried that they would find drugs in the church and other things...When I came home my father had beaten my sister so badly I could hardly recognise her. She was curled up in the corner of the lounge sobbing. Her little dress was covered in blood. She had a lot of broken bones, her jaw, her nose. She was broken. So was I, I guess. I was tired. I’d had enough. Seeing my sister like that was awful. I was supposed to protect her. I had one fucking job. I failed. My dad noticed that I was back and he started shouting and swearing at me. Then he said that he would drown me first. Mom was upstairs running the bath. She was going to drown my sister. (Faith is sobbing.). Mara: I wasn’t going to fail her again. I went to the kitchen and got the knife. Same one I used on the priest. I went back to the lounge and my dad just stared at me. I told him I was the one who killed his friend. Gave him what he deserved. He said he always knew I was a head case. That I wasn’t normal. That I was different. A mistake. He said I was nothing but demon spawn. So I thought alright then...I’ll show him then. My father started yelling that I was done for now. He’d drown me himself and nobody would know coz nobody really knew I existed. I then did the unthinkable, the unforgiveable, the ultimate sin. I started stabbing my father. Will: Jesus. Man: My God. Mara: My sister could only watch in horror screaming from the floor as I stabbed daddy again and again. My mother came flying down the stairs and she screamed when she saw what I had done. She pointed at me and screamed ‘I knew it, Devil’. I guess you can’t kill a monster without becoming one. I stabbed my mother repeatedly before slitting her throat. My sister was crying and I hugged her and told her everything was going to be fine. I called an ambulance for my sister. When they saw my parents they were horrified. The police arrived a little while later. My sister was screaming for me. Begging for me not to be taken away. I told her I loved her and that I’d see her again. I thought I was going to prison but oh no. They thought I was insane. They found out I’d killed the priest too. I was placed in a psychiatric facility. I was released when I was eighteen. I was stunned. I never thought I’d see the light of day again. Seemed a bit stupid to me. I told them I’d been locked in a basement for years. So what do they do? Why they lock me in a tiny room of course. Coz that makes sense. I had nowhere to live and no money so...I lived on the streets. I was sleeping in an abandoned apartment block that had turned into a den for junkies and gang members. The leader of the gang was always there dealing drugs. One day though I noticed that he had two young girls handcuffed to an old bed with a rusty frame. I spoke to them. Turned out they had run away from their abusive parents. Sisters. They reminded me so much of my sister and me. They were just trying to get somewhere better. They didn’t though. Ivan was the leader of the local gang. Into all kinds of shit. Nobody messed with him. Those that did ended up dead. One of the girls was seventeen the other was twelve. I didn’t want to get involved. I was on my own and had myself to look out for. But later that night I saw a man in the room with Ivan and the girls. He was handing Ivan a large wad of cash and the girls were crying. Their trousers were around their ankles. Ivan was selling them to dirty pervs. Pimping them out. I weren’t having that. You should know what happened next John. Seeing as you know me well by now. John: You killed them. Mara: Yeah. That’s where I got the revolver from. I took it from Ivan. Then I used it to help the girls escape after stabbing Ivan and the perv. One of Ivan’s mates always watched the door of the crack den. Knew he wouldn’t just let us leave. He had a gun too. He raised it to shoot me but luckily for me I was quicker. Shot him in the head. His blood spattered the wall and I didn’t even care. I still don’t. I gave the girls the money that perv had given to Ivan and told them about a shelter I knew about that wasn’t far. I hope they went there. I hope they were okay. I met Franky not long after and we hung out for a bit just trying to get by on the streets. Until she buggered off. Then I met Bonnie and Alex and stayed with them. I kept looking for my sister. Came here seven years ago then again four years ago. I always hoped to find her. I hoped to see her again and I did. Came back here and met up with her again. Killed more people. Thirteen members of the Whitetail Militia. Also killed that guy that came to your ranch and threatened to shoot us. It gets hard to keep count after a while. I am a killer. That’s it. Now I am going to be that psycho girl again that everyone looks at funny. The girl that killed her parents. Coz you know there must be something wrong with me right? I must be insane. Normal people don’t kill people. Except they seem to forget that way back when they probably did. All the time. People have always killed people. We’re good at destruction. It’s what we do. (Mara finally stops talking. She just sits there looking blank.). John: That is your full confession? Mara: That’s everything. John: No other sins? Mara: Not that I know of. Ain’t got anything to be greedy with and I have no Lust in my life. Ain’t never even had a boyfriend. Never will neither. Not now. Can’t have much pride coz I hate myself. John: Hm. I see. (The camera moves and John’s face can now be seen. He smiles.). John: I told you dear Faith that your sister would join us. That she would say yes. (Faith gasps.). John: You might not want to watch this next part though. (The video feed suddenly disappears and ‘No Signal’ now displays on the blank screen. Faith lets out a whimper and Will wraps his arms around her.

---Jacob sits in the makeshift mess hall of the veterans center. Terry came racing into his office telling him about the broadcast. Everyone sat watching as Mara confessed to John. Jacob couldn’t stop staring at her. He tells himself that he is intrigued by her. The way she has killed without hesitation that’s all that draws him to her. Nothing else. She would probably be no good to him anyway. Not really. Not like his men. She wouldn’t be able to pass the trials. She is pretty though. He can’t deny that. So beautiful. He tries to remember what she felt like. What she smelled like but he can’t. He barely remembers much about that night. Only that he fucked her. That she cried his name and called him a grizzly bear. He gets up and goes back up to his office. He sighs as he flicks through the days reports. He didn’t get much sleep last night and he is tired. He struggles to sleep. He didn’t struggle when Mara was sleeping next to him though. He didn’t have any nightmares either. He sighs and picks up the report about the latest Militia sightings.

---John walks into Josephs church. Faith looks up her eyes red from crying. Joseph stands up and greets him.). Faith: Why did you broadcast it? John: Your sisters confession? I thought you would want to see it. Faith: How did you get here so quickly? John: I didn’t. Faith: But we were just watching you with my sister in your bunker. John: That was filmed two days ago. It wasn’t live. Faith: Two days...Where is she now? John: I don’t know. After her atonement I baptised her in the river. I also gave her the Edens Gate tattoo. She wanted it on the back of her neck. Then she left for the Whitetail Mountains. She said she was going to collect her things then meet up with you in the Henbane. Faith: I haven’t seen her. John: Hm. I’m sure she’ll be back. She wouldn’t leave you. She cares for you too much. Faith: I know.

---11.23pm. Mara stumbles into the bathroom. She groans in pain and wipes the dirty mirror and pulls her top down. She stares at the word ‘Wrath’ carved across her chest. She sighs. Now she hates her body even more. The word ‘Devil’ on her back along with all the scars from the whip now this. Tears sting her eyes. John has serious issues. He enjoyed slicing into her skin. He enjoyed the way she cried out in pain. She didn’t mind the pain. She has found that she likes it. That’s why she cuts herself sometimes. But she didn’t scream though. Wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. She still isn’t sure about John. He seems to honestly believe that he has helped her. Saved her. She almost wishes he had drowned her in the river. For a moment she thought he was going to. He held her under way longer than was necessary. She winces as she runs a damp cloth over her chest. Damn is it sore. She also rubs the back of her neck which itches slightly from the latest tattoo John has given her. The black cross logo of Edens Gate. There’s no going back now. She is officially a member whatever the hell that means. She goes back to the kitchen area and puts her things in her holdall. She doesn’t own much. Her drawings and pens, some clothes and shoes, the iPod that Franky gave her that she can’t charge. She grabs the blanket from the bed and shoves it into the holdall. She just about manages to fit it in there. She then slings the holdall across her body but it rubs against the scarring on her chest. She moves it so that it is over her shoulder. She takes one last look around the trailer. She sighs then opens the door. She stops dead when she sees several militia standing outside with their guns aimed at her.). Man: Time to die peggie bitch!

#Far Cry 5 #My Writing #Writing #Jacob Seed #Jacob Seed x Mara Jessop #Mara Jessop #Faith's sister #Faith Seed #John Seed #Joseph Seed #original characters

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hobiwonder · 5 years

Text

Call out my name | (m)

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Smut. Heavy Angst.

Warnings: Very heavy angst, revenge fucking, oral, dirty talk, creampie, depiction of alcoholism, mentions of abandonment, brief scene of a one night stand, anal fingering, slight non/con but not really. Toxic relationship. OC is very fucked up and so is hoseok.

Summary: Hoseok needed closure.

Words: 10k+

A/n: my beta reader will scream at me for posting it without running it by her khvbwufkbvkwb sorry ily liela but im impulsive. I fixed most things but here ya go. BUT anyway, please read this after careful consideration. It is quite heavy angst. Even i wouldn’t read this type of stuff if i wasn’t feeling it already and then ended up writing it lol. Just tread carefully is all i’m saying. Let me know what you think if you do end up reading this hgjtcdydythmfvujv

For the full experience of pain listen to these songs and perceive the lyrics from Hoseok’s point of view: Call out my name and I was never there by the weeknd, Blue Side and boy meets evil by our beautiful wonderful sunshine hobi that i love very much.

The wind rustled your hair, the cold night air rendering you almost motionless from the chill creeping up your body and settling into your bones. Twigs snapped underneath the weight of your feet trudging through the cemetery. Looking behind and around you every couple of seconds hoping to spot the person you were wishing was still well or at least alive. The night was still relatively young and you were thankful for the call you received before it was too late and you were much too far away to be concerned about anything, much less about a grown man drinking himself to oblivion in front of his mother’s grave. Shaking your head at the thought, your tongue felt bitter at the inner turmoil of your heart, knowing that you still cared. You still fucking cared. Why else would you have left your apartment because of one, barely a minute-long call letting you know Hoseok was nowhere to be found?

“Hello?”

“Hey, Y/N” hearing Yoongi’s voice waver, your stomach dropped, knowing instantly something was not quite right. “Is… Is Hoseok with you?”

“Why would he be?” A sigh. A breath inhaled. The unspoken questions resonating with you without having to be allotted into the air, “To beg you to take him back? Cut his own balls off just to have you back?”

“He’s not at the company. He’s nowhere. I’m… not sure what to do.” Yoongi sounded exhausted, at the end of his faculties at his best friend and business partner’s sudden desertion from the face of earth. Closing your eyes, you asked god above to afford you with the strength you needed to deal with the expected.

“I might know. I’ll give you a call when I find him.” You hang up, grabbing your coat, and head for your car.

That’s how you’d ended up at the cemetery you knew your… you didn’t exactly know what to call Hoseok. What he was to you. He was your everything and he was your nothing. Every holy entity probably cursed you enough to last you a lifetime or two. Knowing how much you had fucked up a perfectly good man, willing to give you everything but you had to go and unleash your demons and be your overbearing self. Making decisions for him, about his love and if he was allowed to give it to you. You knew that Yoongi only asked you as a last resort. He detested you for ever leaving Hoseok and breaking whatever you had built with him. Yoongi was a fierce friend and that meant swallowing his pride and asking the woman who had devastated his friend to the point of relying on alcohol, his least favourite potion, just to have Hoseok safe. Though Yoongi had contemplated for a while if you were a graver danger than the chilling weather outside. Only you would know where Hoseok would be at 2 in the morning, drinking his sorrows away in front of his mother’s grave, that he had learnt about, not too long ago.

Taking out your phone and turning on the built-in flash light, you looked around as you took several rights towards the sound of a bottle crashing against, what you guessed, was cement. You walked for a few more meters and there he was. Leaning against the cement slab on which his mother’s name was carved.

Hoseok knew you were here before you had even said his name. Were you real or just an illusion he had envisaged up in his inebriated state? He wasn’t sure. He was too occupied, an air of melancholy surrounding him. He was cursing his dead mother out enough to put even the foulest men to shame. Anyone who didn’t know his situation would probably brand him as a lunatic, cursing at a grave as the bottle of whiskey steadily disappeared, burning his pharynx, sending him further into his drunken haze, making it easier to blame all of his misfortunes, failed relationships and bonds and his inability to detach himself from toxicity such as you, on his mother. His fucking mother who had abandoned him at the tender age of 9 at a fair. He remembered everything. It made it all the easier to damn her to hell as he drank in celebration of her death anniversary. Another year, without a monster in this godforsaken world. He snickered bitterly, the smooth taste of the whiskey making it easier to swallow the lump in his throat that was threatening to almost cut off his air supply.

A hand on his shoulder, gentle and warm, tentative. Nothing like you.

“Hoseok, let’s go.”

He flung your hand off him like it had been dipped in acid, burning him even through the covered skin it never touched.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Your expression tightened.

“Okay, then. Yoongi is worried, it’s time to go.” Trying to reason with him, your voice had taken a lower, softer undertone. Your hand reached down, trying to grasp the bottle of liquor that he held so tightly against his chest when he refused to budge, taking another big gulp. A gasp was torn from your lips as your warm hand touched his icy skin as he lacked any form of warm clothing apart from his suit jacket that did nothing to provide him with substantial heat.

“You’re going to freeze if you stay out any longer, let’s go.”

“Maybe then, it’ll hurt less.” The words spoken so softly, you almost think, wish, you had imagined them. They were more chilling than the storm itself and you cursed yourself for being this affected. The silence that ensued after he had spoken was nothing short of throttling. You sighed in exasperation; you didn’t have time to fight with him. Not when he was intoxicated and about to get frost bitten. A million things ran into your head, yet you couldn’t rack one expedient thought out to respond to him. To tell him you were sorry. Sorry that it had to be this way. Sorry that it had to end. But to him, all he saw was the exterior. And he wanted nothing more than to conjure up the strength to scream and shout at you to go away from his life. To stop coming back and ruining him for anyone else. He hated you. He hated you so much for making him want to do nothing but be a pathetic shell of a man, waiting to be accepted by the woman who had rejected and humiliated his feelings over and over and over. Yet here he was. A hypocrite. Rejecting you outwardly but keeping you locked tightly in his heart so the remnants of the lover you were to him, stayed. Feeding the delusional part of his brain, telling him that he stood a chance in your heart that was home to nothing but bitterness and so much self-loathing it had no room for the healing his love, he had hoped, would provide you.

“Hoseok, please. You’re drinking yourself into liver failure. Yoongi is worried.” He looked at you. Really looked at you, and it perturbed him that his damned heart skipped so many beats he thought he was actually having a heart attack. Why did he still see a halo around your head when all you did was break him? He had shared everything with you and you had gone right ahead and torn him apart. Dissembling him, piece by piece until you took and took and nothing but a skeleton was left of what was a loving, caring and giving man he once thought himself to be. You were poisoning him and he knew it. Yet, he wanted nothing more than to be wrapped around in your arms that were currently being held around you, trying to shield yourself from the cold gust of wind that left your cheeks rosy and your eyes watering.

“Why are you here?”

“I told you, Yoo-”

“Why are…Youhere?” A pause. A breath taken in so tranquilly you weren’t sure you actually truly breathed.

“Because no one else had an idea where you were.”

“But you did.” His accusatory tone made you look down as if you were guilty of this fact. Hoseok rested his head onto the stone slab, regretting yet another moment of weakness where he had opened up to you. Telling you a few months back that he’d found his mother, albeit only her grave, but it had given him solace, a sense of relief that he had found her dead rather than alive. Or that’s what he told himself.

“I did.” Nodding your agreement, kicking the rubble beneath your feet, wanting to be anywhere but here. With Hoseok reminding you of what a monster you were. No good for him. The last bit was your own belief, Hoseok was too good to think that.

“Does it make you feel good? Knowing you’ve won once again? That no one will probably ever know me like you do, because you know-”

“No, I-”

“-that I’ll never be able to open up to anyone again? So you can continue to save me, save the fucking day and be able to see me without having to have the burden of loving me. Are you satisfied?”

Clenching your jaw, you barely restrained your tongue, ready to deny all the charges. But you couldn’t. Because to some extent, they were true. You were a coward, too afraid to love him like he deserved so you reeled in your self-righteousness, thinking you were doing a veracious deed by keeping him at an arm’s length, resorting to catching fleeting glimpses into his life through the mishaps he found himself in often and to what only you knew how to pull him out off. It was your twisted way of keeping him in your life while simultaneously telling him he wasn’t worth the fight you’d have to go through with your demons, to keep him. You were a disaster for him, yet he failed to see that.

“Not everything I do is about you, Hoseok.” Yes it is!You wanted to shout from roof tops. “I have called Yoongi, the car will be here in 5 minutes to pick you up.” Hoseok chuckled at your obvious dismissal of his previous accusations.

“You’re a fucking liar, Y/N. Everything you do is to trap me so much so that I can’t even breathe without you helping me.” Hoseok, with much effort, pulled himself to his feet stumbling, coming closer to your figure that was starting to retreat at his close proximity.

“You know what the sad thing is? I don’t even want you to stop. I’m in love with you and you don’t even care.” Hoseok felt like his heart was tearing apart, eyes welling up with unshed tears clouding his vision as he leaned closer to your face.

“You’ve… You’ve broken me.” Tears sliding their way down his pale cheek as his eyes closed themselves, seemingly surrendered in the moment. He looked utterly defeated and it made you want to fling yourself off a bridge. You hadn’t anticipated such defeat from him. You wanted to shake him, tell him to yell at you. Call you a cold blooded monster, anything but this. Anything but this look of pure crushing vanquish and hurt across his face. So clear that you felt it in your bones. Felt the pain he was feeling, almost tasting it on the tip of your tongue.

The sound of a car pulling in the rubble filled parking lot interrupted any measly response you might have conjured up or worse, fell to your knees to ask him for forgiveness. Instead, you gathered yourself and looked him in the eyes one last time as you heard footsteps approaching you both.

“You’re not in love with me, Hoseok.”

Before he could respond, you spun around, walking back the way to your car as if you were being chased, about to be prey to a dangerous predator. When in reality, you were the only predator, praying on Hoseok’s feelings. Being inside the safety and the much needed warmth from the heater you had cranked up on your way before, the events that had conspired just moments before really began to settle in. You had ruined everything with Hoseok. Cut off any chances of a future you might have had with him. Alas, in the end, you were your own demise. The incessant voice and the circumstances, remained at the back of your mind, convincing you that it just had to be this way.

___________________________________________________________________________

Hoseok could feel the worst hangover creeping up to overtake his senses since his college graduation party. Only this time, he hadn’t forgotten anything that had taken place just before he had blacked out in the back of Yoongi’s escalade. Remembering every bitter detail of the night, your indifference to his confession; not even a second glance spared his way before you had rid yourself of him and left him weeping and being a pathetic mess of a man. He had never felt more vulnerable in that moment, hoping to make you realise that what you both had meant so much to him, only to find out that it in fact, meant much more to him than it ever did to you. Vividly remembering the day, you had shut him out of your life, with nothing more than a text. When he had confronted you the next day thinking it was just your insecurities creeping up again, instead he was faced with your calm and apathetic gaze.

“What are you saying? You can’t just ‘terminate’ this relationship. This isn’t a damn contract, Y/N.” Exasperated, he had run his hand through his hair for what seemed like the hundredth time, pacing back and forth in his office as you sat in the chair across from his own, hands in your lap looking ahead. Professional as ever.

“Details are unimportant. I’m sorry Hoseok but,” You had taken a deep breath looking as much composed as he was close to losing his mind at how easy all these words seem to come to the tip of your tongue, spoken with such assurance that had him bewildered, “We don’t want the same things. I thought… I thought I wanted this. Us.”

“So that’s it? You give me a two weeks’ notice of your resignation along with dumping me or whatever the fuck the time we spend together meant to you? Jesus Christ Y/N, are you going to move to a different country next?” He couldn’t believe it, that you had so easily given up your position at the company just because whatever you had with him, was over.

“I’ve been offered a position elsewhere for a while, I can assure you this is just… a messy coincidence. It’ll be best if we don’t work together.” You had stood up, smoothing your skirt over, carefully avoiding eye contact with him, standing in place for a few seconds. He watched you as you stood in silence, looking across his desk to the sun setting outside, hues of orange and pink shining in his office through the various sky scrapers surrounding his company building. He raked his brain for any and every word he could think of to make you stay, understand why and how the sudden change in your behaviour had come about. He knew he was lying to himself with the thought that it was a sudden change. That he hadn’t seen you gradually pull away from him, emotionally and physically, only the skeleton of you remaining in the nights when he’d cradle you against his figure, trying to omit even the slightest bit of sincerity from your form that would lay emotionally torpid beneath him. A mere ghost of the woman he had made love to before. He was sure it was love. So sure that you reciprocated his sentiments as well.

Before you could leave the room, he grabbed your shoulders, spinning you around to face him.

“What happened, Y/N? W-What did I do? Why are you pulling away? Please tell me. Tell me and I’ll fix it.” He was sure he had almost looked manic, desperation lacing his words, hoping to reason with you.

“I told you Hoseok, I-I don’t want this. Please, just let me go.” He knew you didn’t just mean literally. He had fucking known, yet he continued to humiliate himself.

“I know you think you shouldn’t be with me but please, I love you,” he had taken your face in his hands, drawing your body closer as if to convey some of his feelings and pour them into your body and reignite the feelings that were no longer there, “and you love me. We can make this work Y/N, please.”

You had broken yourself from his hold with such ferocity you would think that he had been assaulting you instead of the tender embrace he had captured your form in to. And then you had spoken those words, with such guarantee, they chilled him to the core. The words that tore him apart, let him know that this was a lost cause.

“You know that I have never said what I don’t mean, made any claims that don’t stand a chance. My decision is final Hoseok. I’m sorry but I don’t want this.”

It was then he had realised, you had never once uttered the words, I love you, to him.

And damn it all to hell and back, no amount of liquid poison could make him forget the pain and humiliation you had caused him. No amount of alcohol could cause permanent damage to the part of his heart and brain that still clung to the devotion and ardour he held for you. He would’ve reminisced in his reflections longer if it hadn’t been for the shrill ring of his cell phone. The screen signalling that his best friend was on the line, the only reason he even decides to reach for his phone.

“What the fuck do you want?”

“Thanks Yoongi, for dragging my drunk, delinquent ass at 3 am in the morning from the freezing cold and to my house and in my own damn bed so I don’t freeze to death. Oh no problem Hoseok! That’s what friends are for!”

Hoseok just closed his eyes, letting Yoongi run his mouth and call him out on his obviously lacking mannerisms. Sighing, he thanked his best friend, as he deserved.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, asshole.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, too hungover to fight with his friend. He needed a damn drink and he needed it ASAP. Putting his phone on speaker, Hoseok climbed out of his bed with much difficulty, wanting to do nothing but fall back into the pillowy, literally, heaven that was his bed. Where the smell of you still lingered from weeks ago. Rubbing his face, he walked over to the whiskey bottle on his minibar, the glass cork making a clinking noise as he set it aside to pour himself a drink right before Yoongi’s shout sounded from the phone.

“Don’t you fucking dare pour that drink, Jung Hoseok. I will come down and beat your fucking ass if you got shit faced today when it is barely noon.”

“Time isn’t real Yoongi, get over it.” Pouring himself a drink, Hoseok looks at the phone in his hand, contemplating if he should hang up and be miserable on his own without any damn interruptions.

“Hoseok,” Yoongi’s earnest voice and the way it audibly softens, makes him halt, “as your business partner, your childhood best friend and most importantly, as someone who cares about you, I’m advising you that drinking yourself silly every day like you’ve been doing for the last four weeks is not healthy.”

He lets out a snort in disbelief at himself, as if he didn’t already know that. Yoongi however, goes on after a large exhale as if to prepare himself for what he’s about to say.

“I know… it’s have been hard for you to not fall down that hole. I know it must hurt like hell, believe me. But you have to pull yourself out of it. You can’t change what’s happened but please,” Yoongi almost pleads, “you need to let go.”

“I know, hyung.” Hoseok hears Yoongi, but he doesn’t want to. His heart doesn’t seem to be listening either. He knows that unless he tries, there is no other way to relieve himself of his pain. It’s funny how usually, it’s the other way around. Hoseok is the endless beam of energy and hope for Yoongi and his lethargic personality. Now that the roles are reversed, he truly begins to appreciate his best friend.

“Good… why don’t you come in to the office today, huh? It hasn’t been the same without you, brother.” Hoseok grins slightly at the sincerity in Yoongi’s voice, not being used to the elder’s open display of such brotherly affection.

“Okay, hyung. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Oh thank god, I’ve been holding down the fort while you sulked but it’s about time you came back.”

“Don’t make me change my mind.” Yoongi laughs before hanging up. Managing a multi-million-dollar enterprise that they built together was never a one-person job. Hoseok feels a pang of guilt deep within his chest thinking about Yoongi being on his own while he’d been too lost in his own mind when he wasn’t drunk, to even check in on him. If for no one else, Hoseok decides then and there, he needs to get himself together at least for Yoongi and tips his glass of whiskey, in to the sink.

“Look who emerged from the bat cave. Sure you got no burns from the sunlight on the way over?”

“Hyung, I will throw my phone at you if you don’t shut the fuck up. Christ, the looks from the staff were enough. Do I look that bad?”

Did he really? It was a wonder no one had bumped into each other or some other dramatic soap opera shit when he had entered the main floor and an audible hush had fallen around him as he passed his staff and went straight for his private elevator to the top floor. It was no better when he had entered his floor and all the staff on his way over to Yoongi’s office, which was next to his own, had parted like he was Moses and they were the red sea. Their hushed ‘Good mornings’ had barely passed his ears and he had appreciated that no one tried to be overly enthusiastic. But he figured it was probably not because he was hungover and more because they weren’t sure if their boss was going to actually going to stay.

“Unfortunately, you look great as always, even when you’re 80% alcohol right now and probably took a shower after a month,” Yoongi murmurs ‘Handsome motherfucker’ under his breath as he pours Hoseok a shot of espresso. He rolls his eyes at Yoongi’s snide compliment.

“Anyhow,” handing Hoseok his coffee, Yoongi sits back in his chair as Hoseok walks over to the floor to ceiling glass window, overlooking Seoul city, “I’m glad you’re here, Hoseok.”

Hoseok nods at Yoongi, not finding it in him to do more, knowing there was still something he needed to get off his chest.

“Why did you send her hyung?” The frustration in his voice evident.

“I didn’t know where you were! How was I supposed to know you were at the cemetery when you don’t tell me shit?”

“You didn’t have to.” The bitterness of the espresso makes it easier to make implications that his best friend definitely didn’t appreciate.

“Excuse me? You’re the one always grilling me about my life, making me ‘lean on’ you. Why can’t I do the same for you? Don’t be a hypocrite.” Yoongi leans back in his chair, trying to find the right words to tell Hoseok that he needs to let somebody in on the thoughts in his head. Especially in a time when he’s so fragile because of you. Hoseok downs the rest of his espresso and runs his hands through his blonde tresses, pulling for a few seconds in sheer aggravation at himself.

“I know… I know. I’m sorry I made you worry. I just… didn’t want to see her.” Yoongi gets out of his chair as he listens to Hoseok’s voice get softer and quieter. Walking over, he looks at Hoseok’s face and truly sees for the first time how tired his best friend looks. Placing his hand on Hoseok’s shoulder, he gives a reassuring squeeze.

“I’m sorry I had to send her. Keep me in the loop and I won’t have to ask… her.” Yoongi stays clear of saying your name out loud seeing how delicate of a state Hoseok was in, not wanting to cause any more pain than necessary as Hoseok nods in agreement.

“Tell you what, let’s go out after work and get a drink at Merlo’s?”

“Hyung, you were just chastising me for drinking.” Yoongi claps Hoseok’s back walking back over to his chair.

“For drinking alone, there is a difference. This time I’ll be there to keep an eye on you. Come on, have a drink with your hyung!” Hoseok can’t help when a laugh escapes him when Yoongi belts out his thick Daegu accent on purpose. In times like these, he really appreciated Yoongi having his back.

“This is definitely not the best bar in Seoul, hyung,” Hoseok takes in the posh décor that makes him roll his eyes and the over pretentious staff and bartenders with their snappy movements to guise themselves as standouts. When in reality, this was an overpriced bar and Hoseok just wanted a drink.

“Well, I thought maybe we’ll change it up a bit… Also Jiwoo might have sent someone to meet you.” Yoongi mumbles the last part, knowing Hoseok wouldn’t have come to a place like this otherwise. And he was right as Hoseok’s eyes widen.

“Noona? And you didn’t think to tell me? What the hell, hyung. You know I’m not ready!” He can almost feel his cool composure melting off him in layers, knowing his older sister’s matches were more often than not, wacky.

“It’s been weeks, Hoseok. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there. Maybe this will help.” Hoseok tries to listen to Yoongi, he really does. But he doesn’t want to. It’s too early. His wounds feel like they were inflicted just yesterday, too fresh, too clear. Too agonising. Nevertheless, he knows unless he does this, he won’t get Yoongi off his back. So, nodding, Hoseok agrees reluctantly.

“Also, she’s a recent share holder at our company and new to the city. She doesn’t know you or anything or has any expectations and inclinations of you, Hoseok. This is your chance to try and start fresh.”

“Okay… I’ll try just for you, hyung.” Yoongi pats Hoseok’s back, genuinely appreciative of his friend’s trust in him and that he was sincerely, making an effort. Or so it seemed.

“We also have a lot of pending business to take care of. The collaboration launch party of Kim Inc. and Jung-Min enterprise as well as our conference in Jeju is coming up all in a span of a few weeks and months respectively.” Hoseok was half engrossed in his drink and half listening to Yoongi when a slender figure had joined their private booth. The woman was nothing short of gorgeous as even Yoongi took in her S shaped figure and golden bronzed skin clad in a mildly suggestive knee length dress.

“I’m glad I crashed this conversation at the right time before you two got too carried away.” Her beaming smile, though sweet, was too much for Hoseok.

“Hyolyn, glad you could join us.” Yoongi sits up as Hyolyn slips right in with Hoseok as he comes to term with the fact that this is definitely the girl his sister and Yoongi have set him up with. She was jaw-dropping, but she wasn’t you.

“Hoseok, this is the lovely lady I was just telling you about.” Hoseok conjured up a half sincere smile as he took in her small features gleaming up at him politely.

“Nice to meet you.”

“No, nice to meet you, Hoseok. I’ve heard great things about you from Jiwoo and Yoongi here.” Hoseok sent Hyolyn a tight smile, not being in the business of enjoying hearing himself being extolled. He tried his best to be polite and forthcoming to the newcomer at their table. It wasn’t as if Hyolyn wasn’t nice on top of her already beautiful exterior. She genuinely paid interest in what he had to say and hung on to his every word, paying him entirely too much attention. Nothing he was used to with you.

Get a fucking hold of yourself, he cursed at himself. If even after a month you still clouded his mind this much, he wondered how long it would take him to stop comparing every woman to you.

“Alright then, I have some matters to take care of it seems,” Yoongi complained with his eyebrows furrowed, looking down at his phone after an hour of Hyolyn’s arrival. Hoseok almost let his jaw drop at how unconvincing the older man was at pretending that he had something urgent to attend to. Though, Yoongi probably was trying to spare Hoseok the embarrassment that undoubtedly would come along if he had abruptly left. Which Yoongi has done before. Hoseok could tell that Yoongi was serious about him moving on if he was willing to play a matchmaker with his sister.

“Oh okay, shame you have to leave so soon.” Hyolyn contorted her pretty face in a look of sympathy, looking up at Yoongi who was now standing with his suit jacket in his hand. He looked at Hoseok and Hyolyn, throwing a sly smirk at Hoseok’s glaring face.

“Yeah, shame. Anyway, you take care of him, alright?” With a solute, Yoongi was dashing out of the bar moving faster than Hoseok had ever seen him move in all the years he’d known him.

“Look, you don’t have to “take care” of me like that smug bastard suggested,” Hyolyn stifled a laugh, smiling politely at Hoseok leaning in to talk to her, “I’ll be fine if you would rather find better company. I’m afraid I’m not going to be too entertaining tonight.”

Hyolyn decreased the distance between them even more and brought her hand lightly on top of his, a show of understanding.

“Look, I will be honest, Jiwoo told me you had just gotten out of a relationship and were in pretty bad shape. I understand if you’re not in the right mindset to give someone else a chance but,” Hyolyn took a deep breath and let her kind eyes hold his own as she spoke with a gentle smile on her face, “We don’t have to do anything. I can be here as a friend if you want?”

He could see the glint in her eyes, instantly grasping what she was suggesting. However, Hoseok knew he couldn’t use someone as sweet as Hyolyn as his rebound.

“I appreciate that, Hyolyn, really. I think I may need a friend for now, more than anything.” At that she smiles knowingly, removing her hand atop his.

Time passes a little quicker as Hyolyn makes commendable effort to get to know Hoseok, carefully distracting him from downing his drinks too fast. In fact, Hoseok himself is surprised at the unfamiliar feeling of you being absent from floating in his mind, staining his every thought. That’s until by some cruel joke the universe must be playing on him, he spots a figure strutting inside the bar, a dress clinging to your sinful body and heels that used to drive him crazy. Who was he kidding, they still drove him crazy. It takes him a little longer to notice the man beside you, his hand grasping your own as he’s leading you to a booth in the VIP section he currently himself was in.

He must have been staring for a while since Hyolyn turns to follow his gaze. He’s thankful she can’t tell if he’s watching you or the man you’re with. Which happen to be none other than-

“Isn’t that Kim Namjoon of Kim Inc, the company you’re going in business with?”

Hoseok doesn’t add the fact that he also used to be his best friend, once upon a time. Instead he motions the waiter over without sparing a glance at him, continuing to watch you interact with Namjoon as you lean forward to talk with him, no doubt giving him an eyeful of your luscious breasts. Hoseok could almost feel the steam coming off from him like he was just about a second away from evaporating into the thin air.

“Seems so.” If he gives off any hints of the drastic change in his demeanour and the frequency by which the alcohol is disappearing down his throat almost doubling than before, Hyolyn doesn’t mention.

“I’ve heard he just hired a new PA with crazy high salary.” Hoseok’s attention immediately zooming back on to Hyolyn’s speculations.

“And where did you hear that?” Hyolyn smirks, rolling her eyes as she explains.

“Oh you know the amount of gossip that goes around when you’re a young and handsome man in such a position of power.” Hoseok has to almost force himself to pay attention to what she’s saying. He had known from his sources that you’d taken a position as a PA for Namjoon and had never understood for the life of him, your decision to do the same job you had done for him, and move to another company to do exactly that rather than ask for a promotion. He never entertained the possibility of you actually working for Namjoon for reasons other than not being able to work for the man who was invested in you more than you, him. Reasons like more money. And the thought alone made him want to march up to you to confront your need for a bigger salary than the unconditional love he thought was being reciprocated.

“Yeah? What’ve you heard about me?” Hyolyn turns back to Hoseok, clinking her drink with his own.

“Nothing that makes me want to not give you a chance.” She says with a smile. Just then, he sees you emerge from the booth you’d been in with Namjoon, adjusting your dress. As though you feel his intense gaze on your skin, you look up, making his heart almost stop. You don’t fare much better as you dash towards what he assumes is the restroom. Before he can talk himself out of it, he finds himself following you, vaguely deciphering a call of his name from Hyolyn.

He enters the restroom, not giving you a chance to say anything else, before he confronts you. He just had to know.

“He’s paying you well, huh?” Hoseok is almost seething and there you are, calm and collected as ever. Like his accusations didn’t matter to you. Just like nothing ever fucking matters to you.

“I am a PA to a CEO; Yes, he is.” You state as a matter of fact, reapplying your lipstick that he just notices was a little smudged. Hoseok could feel his heart beating louder and faster in his chest, making it hard to breathe. He never thought you’d be this indifferent to him. The look of panic he had seen on your face just before almost feeling like an illusion now. The woman in front of him now was nothing short of a distant, bitter reality he wanted to never face but was now forced to.

You didn’t want him. You never wanted him.

“Is money so fucking important to you? You could’ve asked me for it and I’d have given it to you!” because I was that in love with you. Though he doesn’t say that out loud he knows you hear it loud and clear. And once again, you don’t spare him a second breath, brushing your hands down your tantalizing dress, staring him straight in the eyes as you approach him.

“I am a PA not a CEO and an heir to a million-dollar empire. Yes, money is of importance to me.” Hoseok groans at your too technical answer, not giving anything away. He was sick and tired of you being evasive.

“Stop with this bullshit Y/N, you know what I’m asking.” He takes a deep breath, closing the distance between himself and where you stood holding on to the sink.

“Are you fucking him? Is he paying you enough to put out, huh?” Your eyes remain focused on his own, refusing to waver like he thought, hoped, they would. Hoped that you’d break out into sounds of horror and surprise, telling him that he was wrong and that you would never do anything like that. Hell, be mad at him, hit him and demand to know how he dare accuse you of being some money hungry whore.

But you don’t. Instead, you leave him with words that dry out his mouth and stop his heart.

“Maybe he is. Either way, who I’m fucking doesn’t concern you anymore, Hoseok.” You give him another chilling look before pushing past him, exiting the bathroom. Hoseok could feel everything slowing down around him. Your words still ringing in his ears. It was as if he was glued to where he stood. No amount of commands his brain sent to his muscles were able to move him. The bitter reality was taking its sweet time settling in his bones, rendering him useless to move until another woman enters the bathroom, gasping out for him to leave.

He sped back to his booth, hastily apologizing to Hyolyn, who looked just as confused as he had felt moments before you had walked out on him.

“Is everything Alright, Hoseok?”

“I just can’t do this right now Hyolyn, I’m sorry.” He sighed beckoning the waiter over to settle his and Hyolyn’s bill. She looked sweetly sympathetic, standing up with him to make sure he was alright. Hoseok wasn’t really sure if he was upset or angry. Maybe both. With the dizziness being from sheer rage or hurt, he wasn’t quite sure. What he was sure of, though, was that he wanted to get out of this bar before he suffocated.

“Can I do something to help?” Her pleading eyes made the pang of guilt that was bubbling away in his chest a tad bit bigger at the fact that he was leaving her to go numb his senses by fucking someone senseless.

He reached over to caress her cheek as his parting vow, “No you can’t, get home safe Hyolyn.”

All Hoseok could think about was your words, your body clinging to Namjoon’s, your scent when he confronted you in the bathroom. Even when the girl, whose name he had forgotten the minute she had said it, took him in her mouth like her life depended on it. It had been hours since he’d left the bar after the debacle with you at the bar where he’d also left Hyolyn and went to the sleaziest club he could find, where he wouldn’t be able to be recognized.

Only thing on his mind was the stagnant truth. No matter how many times he replayed your answers in his mind, picking them apart to see the silver lining to what you’d hinted at but was plainly clear if only he let himself believe it too. You didn’t care about him anymore, possibly never did.

“Fuck,” The girl licking away at the underside of his cock looked up at him smiling around him when he heavily rested his head on the wall he was leaning against. Thinking he’d been responding to her tongue she continued with much fervour, when really, he was cursing himself for not being able to accept the truth. You had ditched him at the first signs he had shown of wanting to deepen his relationship with him. Jumping ship as soon as he shared his heart with you, about his mother, his fears of you leaving him. And you had done exactly that it seems like. Now he knew the catalyst had been the six figure salary Namjoon had offered you. His mind was filled with rage and his heart was filled with betrayal. And even after you blatantly admitting you might be sleeping with Namjoon, he somehow thought of you and your mouth being the one swallowing around him instead. The only thing Hoseok wanted to do was get you out of his system. And of course, why wouldn’t he start with fucking you out of his system.

He’d hooked up with the first willing girl, telling his brain to shut the fuck up when his conscious accused him of trying to find you even in a one night stand he’ll never see again. She’d been all the more eager when he’d pushed her against the wall, making her feel the rigidity of his cock against her to coax her to her knees. He wanted to bang on the walls, pull on his hair, beat the living shit out of himself for being so fucking oblivious to your changing demeanour the months before it had all unravelled while simultaneously still wanting to rush back to you.

Alas, it was easier to hate you now. Knowing how money hungry you were, willing to shamelessly flaunt yourself as such too. But he knew mindlessly hooking up with random women was not about to provide him with the numbness he craved. He needed closure and he was going to fucking get it. Maybe, just maybe, what he was about to do would put his need for you at a halt. He hated you in this moment. He wanted it to blossom so much that it occupied all the space in his traitorous heart.

So what does he do? Go straight to your apartment of course.

“Hoseok? What are you do-” You weren’t given even the courtesy of finishing your sentence before he had his mouth over yours. Your hands had found purchase on his chest and it’d boiled his blood even further. Not sure if at the way his heart had skipped several beats or at you because it was so easy for you to make it do so.

He had wanted to be gentle at first, to share more of those deep sweet kisses that left him dizzy and stunned, but that dress and those heels…

Screw gentle.

He grabbed your wrist and pulled you further inside, barely taking the time to lock the door before he pushed you against it and slanted his mouth over yours. He slid his hands under your ass and lifted you so that you were truly pinned between the wooden door and his pelvis, which he rocked against you as he kissed you. Hoseok looked around to make sure you were truly alone, and then he grabbed your hand and tugged you inside your bedroom. He spun you around so that your ass was pressed against him—pressed against his erection. He put one hand over your mouth and then undid the knot to the ribbon that held your pyjama pants snug to your hips.

“You’re only hungry for money and cock aren’t you?” He said in your ear, not expecting an answer. “Where you get more of any of those, you go running with your mouth wide open.”

And then he slid his fingers down your stomach, slipping under your silk panties. You moaned against his hand, hands tugging on his arm that was relentless between your legs.

“Shhh,” He said. “Sluts like you don’t get a say on what’s done to them.”

You whimper in response. Too responsive for your own good.

God, he loved your pussy. He’d never felt anything softer than the skin between your legs—and fuck you were wet. So wet that he really could pull his slacks down and take what he wanted, right here, right now. But no. You didn’t deserve that.

Not that he wouldn’t fantasize about it as he got you off.

He started in on your clit in earnest now, circling it hard and fast, loving the way you bucked against his hand. He knew it was more pressure and speed than was comfortable, but he also knew that you would like it that way, savour that tiny, tiny bite of pain with your pleasure with the way you were gushing more than you ever had before. You were filthy and he was finally realising that.

“I would’ve done this all day, Y/N,” He rasped in your ear. “I love reaching down the front of your pants, playing with your cunt, making you come. Do you like it?”

You nodded, your breathing jagged against his hand. You were getting close.

“Too fucking bad,” He said, and he almost felt like he was having an out-of-body experience, listening to himself say these words. But he was beyond caring, or more importantly, was beyond the point of denying the reality. You really never cared then and he really didn’t care now. He was drunk on the need to leave you begging and wondering what you’d left behind.

“Now you show that you’re a fucking human being and not a robot? Hm? Rutting against my hand like the gold digging whore you are. You want to come don’t you?”

You nodded again, eagerly, desperately.

“Of course you do. Always wanting more,” and his voice was hoarse now. “You’re nothing to me anymore, Y/N. And you know what? My fingers in your cunt while saying that makes me so fucking hard. Feel me. Feel how hard I am just thinking about it.” He grounded his cock into your ass, and you shuddered again.

He could feel you convulsing around his fingers, clenching and unclenching when he prodded at the spongey bundle deep within you, making you thrash around in his grasp. He stilled his hand, resorting to rubbing your walls.

“Does he fuck you like I did? Hm? Or does that even matter?” Hoseok plucks your clit with his thumb and pointer finger, “It doesn’t matter does it? You’ll run to the next man with a fat cock and an even fatter wallet. I had everything baby but it wasn’t enough for you.”

There was no entity that could stop Hoseok from saying all that was to come out of his mouth like he’d bottled it all up for the past month. He picks up a punishing rhythm, your pussy struggling to clench around his fingers as they left your cunt just as quickly as they had entered. Before Hoseok can stop, you’re tumbling over the edge, breathing hard behind Hoseok’s hand.

You quaked under his touch for a long minute, and finally came down, sagging against him.

He kept his hand in your panties for a minute or two longer, loving the way it looked, loving the way it felt, and then he reluctantly withdrew. He sucked on his fingers as you turned to face him, eyes bright and cheeks clearly flushed even in the dark of the bedroom, looking nothing like the put together statue you had looked earlier. You looked positively ruined and Hoseok fucking loved it. For once feeling like he had a better idea of what was to come than you. Because the ball was in his court.

He walked backwards, sitting on your bed like he had done many times before. Only this time, instead of waiting for you to climb on to him, letting you take the reins, he demanded complete obedience and strangely, you obliged.

“Come here,” He says. “And kneel.”

You did, your breath audible now, kneeling in front of him and crossing your ankles behind you, taunting him with those eyes.

“Take them off,” He said, jerking his chin down to indicate his belted slacks. You did, impatiently tugging them off his hips, and he groaned as his erection was finally, finally let free. You sat there after completing the task as if he was giving you orders like he had before at the office. Hoseok let himself really stare you down, holding your gaze until your, dare he say, embarrassed one strayed far from his face to his cock. “Suck me like the cock hungry slut you are, Y/N.”

You continued to stare at his heavy cock against his stomach, listening to him demean you. Nothing like you’d ever imagined Hoseok to be like. “You don’t get to just take Y/N. Time to give a little baby.”

Hearing the endearment, albeit said in a more sinister context, provides enough of an incentive for you to start laving his cock with attention like never before. You pressed soft, red lips to the silky skin of his cock. “Fuck, just like that.” He breathed down at you. “Suck it good baby.”

He found your lips with his thumb, running it along your lower one and pulling it down to open you up more. “Hold still,” He told you, and then he guided his cock into your waiting mouth.

It had only been a month, and yet he’d forgotten that your mouth was like a slice of heaven, warm and wet and with that flicking, fluttering tongue that danced along the underside of his dick. He laced his hands through your hair—fucking up whatever adorable hairstyle you’d had it in—and then slowly withdrew, savouring every single second as your lips and tongue kissed against his skin. And then he slid in again, less gently this time, his eyes darting from your lips to your crossed ankles to the way your hand circled your clit as he slowly fucked your mouth. You were being so filthy, even when he had been degrading you just before, calling you all sorts of name you definitely should be refuting instead of finding them arousing enough to get on your knees for him.

You kept your eyes pinned to his, peering up at him through those long dark eyelashes, and he thought about all the times they’d distracted the hell out of him at the office and all the times that he’d fucked your brains out before, always whispering his affections for you and how crazy he was for you, at the end. And now, he just wanted to paddle your sweet ass for making him so goddamned crazy about you.

He tightened his grip in your hair. He wanted to go hard, he wanted to make your eyes water, he wanted to thrust until he reached the point where he could barely hold back from shooting down your throat.

“Ready?” He whispered to you, still wanting to tread on the side of consent and caution.

And then you groaned a frustrated groan, as if annoyed that he was asking again.

“Be patient,” he said and thrust hard into your mouth. Hoseok heard you choke as he hit the back of your throat, but he only gave you a minute before he pushed in again, and again. He knew he was longer and wider than most men, he knew he was harder to take, but Hoseok wasn’t going to cut you any slack unless you asked for it, not after that stunt. Because he was so absolutely sure that everything you did was to make him hurt. And hurt he was. Hurt and angry and horny and fucking in love with you. But you were not.

“You like being bad? You like making me punish you by going out with himof all people??”

You managed to nod, your watery eyes blinking up at him to make him even angrier. He knew you were most likely saying it to get on his nerves further. Make him leave, screaming, disgruntled and heartbroken. Jokes on you; his heart was already broke.

He swore. “You’ve made me crazy, y/n.” He sounds like on the bring on an angry yet sorrowful outburst.

But you smirk around his cock, and fuck, he hated and loved you at the same time. He hated love. He drove into your mouth several more times, right up until he could feel that familiar clench in his belly and then Hoseok pulled out, his breathing ragged from the effort it took not to come all over your gorgeous face. Instead, he used his thumb to wipe at your eyes, which were now smudged with makeup and tears. The ever-so-slightly smeared lipstick he left the way it was.

You sat there, breathing heavy, looking up at Hoseok like a deer caught in the headlights. Waiting and waiting until Hoseok is finally threading his hands in your hair again to roughly stand you up, a wince leaving your swollen, lipstick smeared lips. The venom laced in the way his mouth was sneering but it was his eyes that betrayed him. They were sad and you felt the pang of hurt you had so desperately tried to bury. And had been succeeding until he’d showed up at your door.

“You want to hurt me do you? Want to break my heart? Well,” he’s stepping forward, face so close to yours you could smell the whiskey on him, “I’m going to break you first. I’m going to fuck you until you’re crying, sobbing, begging me to stop. And when you’re as shattered as I am; you’ll run back to me to fix you.” Just like I have. But he doesn’t say that.

And in a matter of seconds, he’s tugging you out of your room with a punishing grip on your hair and throwing you on your couch, no gentleness, no warning as he pushes you face first down on the couch. He had no reservations anymore. Nothing. Because all that was repeated in his mind was that hewas nothing to you.

“H-Hoseok. P-Please.” Your muffled moan has his heart tightening and wounded at the same time. Why did you call his name like he was the only one for you when he knew you were already fucking another man? He wastes no time in making your ass bare in front of him, perched up on the arm rest of the sofa as you race yourself by clutching the cushion of your couch. But he can’t help and take a look before he does anything. Your pink, swollen folds. The labia of your pussy bloomed like a rose, dripping and ready for him to sink in to. And that’s exactly what he does.

“Fuck! H-Hoseok. Oh god.” You’re already crying out like you’d been waiting for him to push his cock inside you for a century. Why was he doing this? Why was he digging this hole deeper than it already was and he couldn’t get out of it no matter how much he tried? Yet, with every thrust of his hardened girth spearing your cunt over and over and over has him digging his own grave. He wanted to die inside you. He was so madly, dangerously in love with you and you knew it. Because when you ask him to go faster in your high pitched mewl – he does. He fucks you like his life depends on it. Over and over and the symphony of your dripping arousal coating his length is something he wants to revel in. Knowing that it could very well be the last time he got to feel you at all.

You were crying now. Sobbing with every thrust like he’d been the one breaking open your insides instead the damage you’d done to him. Why were you so cruel? Why did you want to hurt so bad? And why did you want to hurt himso bad? Hoseok’s lost and torn between the physical pleasure and the emotional pain. Trying desperately to fuck it away.

“Hoseokie,” you cry out when start pushing back against his thrusting hips, “ f-fuck me harder. Tear me apart. You hate me right?” your puffy, teary face is looking right back at him and he’s losing his mind. “then show me.” He’s angry at the use of your nickname for him when you two were together.

His heart is pounding and his loins are firing up when you’re looking at him with your bedroom eyes with a hint of sadness? No you weren’t capable of that. You only liked to hurt others. Never yourself. Hoseok was fooling himself if he thought that this was for his revenge. You knew him and you were using him to your best advantage. And that’s the only thing that makes his grab your hips, pulling all the way out until the tip of his cockhead remains inside and then – he slams right back in. You’re almost howling and Hoseok is gripping your hair again, the silky tresses reminding him of memories he wanted to burn away before he pulls back your head harshly, bowing your back as his hips snap in to yours.

“I’ll tear you apart. Because that’s what you want right? You don’t want love. You want to hurt. And I’m going to make it hurt.” He’s sneering as he snaps hips in to you with each word while your cries accompany the already lewd sounds of skin on skin.

“I’m going to cum inside you. And you’re going to keep it in you until Namjoon wants to fuck. Do you understand me, y/n?” He swats your bottom harshly, making you yelp when you don’t respond at first.

“Y-Yes.”

“Yes what?” He slaps your ass again, the skin going crimson read and heating up as his fluid hips smack brutally against it again and again.

“Yes, sir. Hoseok!” He’s started circling your anus that was so well lubricated because of the creamy mess your pussy and his pre-leaking length had made. Hoseok was close and he needed to cum in you. He wasn’t sure what he was thinking with the alcohol still clouding his brain but he’s circling the tight ring until he can work a finger in.

“Fuck fuck fuck. Hoseok, i-it hurts.” Good. Good. I want you to fucking hurt. Even if it wasn’t the way he wanted to but this will have to suffice. But of course, after a few minutes of him slowly fucking a finger in to your ass – you were moaning already. Dripping and leaking all over his length more than ever and he knew you liked this. But you’ll never admit it. You never admitted anything. You lived your life in denial and somehow he was still so madly, insanely in love with you.

“That’s it baby,” the endearment slips him before he can stop it, knowing this was new to you as he fingers your ass while simultaneously pounding away at your cunt. And he’s close. So close to everything but you.

“I’m cumming h-hoseok I’m-” you don’t get to finish your sentence as you’re squirting on his thrusting cock with a loud shout like he’d just stabbed you a thousand times. But of course. It was the other way around. Maybe not literally but the pain was so much that it might as well be.

“That’s it… fuck,” he’s rubbing the globes of your ass, soothing the inflamed skin as he picks up pace, needing to finish while your walls were still clenching on his cock like a vice and soon enough, he’s buried himself in to you to the hilt and hot, white spurts of cum are pushed inside your battered, swollen and red cunt.

I love you. I love you.

His brain is chanting the phrase over and over while his mouth is only growling and grunting. It’s silent except for the loud breathing of the both of you. Catching your breath while you lay face down on the couch, facing towards the seat of the couch while Hoseok stood behind you.

“I hope happiness never finds you.” His whisper is soft. Sad and pathetic and vituperative. He can only hear you sniffle slightly because it’s so silent in the apartment.

You don’t say anything when he pulls out. You don’t say anything when he calls out your name, once. You don’t say anything when he zips himself up and walks out of the door, watching you not watch him as you lay facing away from the door. Away from him. And that’s it.

a/n: yeah. no part 2 because... this was written on a whim and im not too good with angst usually so hdbucibniuwrn let me know what you think? As always, thank you for reading :)

#bts smut #bts #jhope #hoseok x reader #hoseok fanfic #this is some heavy stuff i only read parts i was told to fix and i wanted to crawl under my bed and cry for my baby hoseok #he doesn't deserve this !!!!

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