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#literally one of the best things ive ever experienced

ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 · 1 year

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Watched Lovejoy live earlier and truly such an amazing experience - got to hang with my friends and scream all the lyrics so I lost my voice

Anyone who gets the chance to see them live will have an absolute blast, they're already good as they are and so much better live. The audience was amazing too - singing (screaming) the lyrics with everyone was so much fun and the energy was incredible

If anyone wants it, when I get home I plan on uploading what I filmed (pretty much the entire show in clips, first song was a bit segmented) on YouTube in an unlisted playlist, and I'm happy to share the link. I was at the back of the room, but I was sitting on a bar so I had a great view over the crowd. No clue about quality though lol

#lovejoy #lvjy #lvjy london #lovejoy london #literally one of the best things ive ever experienced #being with great friends made it better of course #but that was an incredible experience #literally though model buses is my least favourite song and it was so good and i was loving it

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sparklecarehospital · 4 months

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been reflecting on my year a bit, and i was thinking about something. i think i know what the best thing i did for myself this year was.

making cometcare public. making the ask blog.

ive had this AU stirring in my brain since 2019, ever since i got really attached to doomi during the haunted arc. one reason i went so long without revealing pollarrydoomi as a ship to readers was because doom's crush wasn't public information until late 2021.

i had kept his crush a mystery for 3 years, but revealed it after a fun experience where people figured out who it was through guessing. i'm pretty sure i did a poll about it? asking people to guess who they thought it was, and uni won the vote, meaning everyone had already figured it out.

after pollarrydoomi was revealed and i started drawing art for it and people made fanart for it, i still couldn't post any of my AU art because ally wasn't public and she and howie were in the AU. in july 2022, for the comic's birthday, i revealed ally as a character to the readers. others around the time had started to notice characters i had in pfps and i ended up telling everyone i did have pollarrydoomi ship kids, but i didn't make them public.

in november 2022, i revealed eve on toyhouse. after her reveal, i would soon reveal sly as well in december 2022 on my birthday (revealing sly as a birthday present to myself is such a funny gesture now that you guys know how important he is to me). over the next few weeks i revealed cream, frosty, and marco as well. all of the main cometkids except chem.

then one day someone out there suggested that i make an ask blog for the cometcare AU. it was such a spontaneous decision, and i didn't even really know what i was gonna do with it at first. i was just kinda messing around. but when i made the blog i realized that if i wanted this AU to be experienced in complete authenticity, i couldn't make uni cis.

so i revealed uni being trans through the blog, despite the fact i'd gone so many years without ever revealing her identity. why did i do it? there's a lot of reasons. not wanting to make her a "dad" in the AU contributed, but also i felt like it wouldn't be detrimental to the story to confirm a character being trans. it also made me (and the crew in general) a lot more comfortable being able to properly refer to uni with her actual pronouns.

making the ask blog really changed me, because finally i could share this little family and comfort story i'd built in my brain with the world and make it real and make content for it and let people consume it.

but what stopped me most of all?

i've said it many times before... but i felt like it was cringey.

i felt like making an AU with 93985893844 fankids in a ridiculous complicated polycule wasn't something a Serious content creator should do, and i was really worried the reception would be negative or people would think it was stupid or something. i did NOT expect it to become as popular as it is. the blog actually has more followers than the MAIN ASK BLOG for the canon comic. it was received SO POSITIVELY and the fact it was just kind of blows me away.

it means so much to me. being able to share the most special thing in my life with people and for people to actually like it and have fun with me and want to see it, and for me to be able to not have to follow strict professionalism about spoilers and chronological storytelling, and being able to change and add in things whenever i felt like it. it's such a freeing experience.

when i was a kid, i used to make stories and OCs and i didn't take them as seriously as i do the sparklecare reboot. this kind of turned into my entire life and career kinda, so i had to take it more seriously. but making this AU honestly just makes me feel like i'm a kid again, it makes me feel like i can have fun and literally do whatever the fuck i want without worrying what people think or if it's realistic or if it makes any sense.

i know though, that some people don't like pollarrydoomi. and i know why. whether it's because of being attached to barruni (of course, they're the canon ship and main characters, i get it) or just having discomfort with the idea of shipping doom with anyone when canonically he hasn't experienced a redemption arc... i get it. i know not everyone likes it.

and that's okay! people are entitled to having their own feelings about content. i understand it. and i've come to accept that's always going to be the case with anything i do with these characters.

but i'm still going to do this for myself. i do this because it makes me happy to just have fun and not worry about being serious all the time. it feels good, especially when it's with characters that are really really important to me.

cometcare is genuinely the most special and important thing i've ever made for myself, it's such a huge piece of my identity and it makes me who i am. and being able to make this story public and share it with people and share these things that have been in my brain for so long with others means so much to me.

that's why i think it was the best thing i've done this year. it's kind of literally changed my life to be able to talk about them. it's made me happier than i've ever been making content. i'm not just making it to entertain myself alone anymore, i'm making it to entertain others like i do with other stuff. and the fact people actually like it still is unbelievable to me.

so, i guess my outlook for next year as it comes is to continue to stop taking everything so seriously. i can tell my stories however i want to. i hope others can realize they can do this too.

please make whatever you want, whenever you what, as much as you want, even if it doesn't make sense or if it's "cringe". you will be so much happier when you realize as a creator you DON'T have to take all of this so seriously. the comic still exists and people read it even if i'm doing this. You Can Do Whatever You Want And Nobody Can Ever Stop You. the only person who can stop you is yourself when you let your inhibitions get in the way of your ability to create things for yourself.

have fun! life is too short to take everything you do seriously

#text #cometcare au #pollarrydoomi #long post

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cyberels · 5 months

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IT WILL COME BACK

(you know better, babe)

𖦹彡⋆｡˚ summary: ellie makes it her goal to talk to you again after a one night stand.

see part one here

𖦹彡⋆｡˚ warnings: nsfw (implied), language

𖦹彡⋆｡˚ a/n: this is the worst thing ive ever written please god do not base my skill off of this i lost inspiration 😭😭😭😭 pleasee im so sorry..,,,.,. also no smut in this part my bad sorry gay people

alsooo readers username on ig is hoezier if you don’t like it simply pretend it’s something else😁

reader is female with a reputation for one night stands

this is also very much loser!ellie idk man idk she gets more confident later in the fic tho

ellie was fucked - no pun intended. you literally just gave her the best sex of her life and immediately after you were pulled away from her without even so much as a goodbye.

if ellie ever finds out who called the cops, she swears to herself that she’s going to punch them right in their fucking face for cutting her time with you short.

there was something about you that made her yearn to have you near her again. she was trying to forget about you, but you were becoming a craving she couldn’t shake, despite barely even speaking to one another. your small encounter with ellie left an impact on her.

she knew basically nothing about you besides your name, but she did learn that you were… very experienced. she could gather that much based on how confident you were, and how it took you just minutes to figure out how to make her feel the best she’s ever felt. you knew what you were doing, and ellie didn’t even try to resist your advances, letting her body be taken by you.

ellie was not submissive, she barely even let any of the other people she’s slept with take the dominant position… so why did she let you, of all people, take control without her even putting up a fight? you were under her skin like an itch that was impossible to scratch.

ellie arrived back at her dorm later that night, but the feeling that she left something unfinished hung over her like a shadow.

she pulled out her phone, which was a shitty attempt at a distraction; no matter how many tiktok videos she watches, her thoughts were consistently and stubbornly directed to you. her brain couldn't wrap around how you became entrenched within her mind so easily.

she needed to tell someone about this and get if off her chest. she opened up her contacts and her thumb hovers over dina’s number. she debates on even telling her friend about this for a minute… falling for someone she barely knows is definitely not something she ever wanted to happen. she sighs, and presses the call button, very painfully aware of how embarrassing the situation is.

“hey!” dina answers after a few rings, “what’s up?”

“dina, i’m dying. i’m screwed.”

“what’d you do this time?”

ellie groans before explaining the situation that unfolded just hours before, words gushing forth as she explains the events of the night.

dina interrupts ellie’s rant after a few moments, laughing as she speaks. “—okay, slow down. what’s her name?”

the second your name spills out of ellie’s mouth, dina inhales in a sharp breath of air.

“what? what’s wrong?” ellie asked, “do you know her?”

“if she’s who i think she is… i wouldn’t get attached.”

“��why?”

“i’m sorry, i just— she’s slept with a few girls i know and she usually does not ever talk to them again.”

“well it’s too late for me, i’m already attached; you don’t know the half of it. but there was something there between us, a spark or whatever. i don’t know, maybe she felt it, too.”’

“that’s not a spark. that’s a fire. because your brain has got to be fucking burning down if you’re even considering reaching out to her.”

“…do you have her instagram?”

“ellie. no.”

ellie sighs, kicking off her shoes and flopping on her bed, “i’ll just say hi and see where it goes. she probably won’t even respond, it’ll be fine.”

“i want you to know i think this is a terrible idea… but i sent you her username.”

“fuck yeah! thank you, dina.”

fuck your reputation, ellie was gonna make you hers one way or another.

you stare at your screen for a second.

ellie… that’s a pretty name.

it suits her.

she went out of her way to find you, it’s kind of sweet. half the other people you’ve hooked up with don’t give a shit about you after you’re done; you can’t be mad at them, though, considering you do the same.

ellie was just a rare case, you’ll forget about her in a few days.

…right?

you know that getting attached is never a good idea, that’s why you barely bothered to learn her name. in all honesty, you didn’t really care to learn the names of anyone you’ve slept with, the only reason why you did was because you didn’t want to look impolite. despite feeling like an asshole, you set your phone down on your bedside table and attempt to shove the thoughts of this girl—ellie—away. you were already constantly thinking about her, messaging her would just make this whole situation harder on you.

you refuse to get more attached than you already are.

unfortunately for you, your attempts to get ellie off your mind are proving unsuccessful. you’d never admit it, but she was getting to you more than anyone else you’ve been with before.

it’s a struggle to go about your day normally when you’re constantly on the lookout for this stupid girl you cannot get your mind off of for some godforsaken reason; you did not want to run into her and make this situation more awkward than it already is.

the stars are not on your side, apparently, because when you enter the coffee shop you usually do homework at, you see her in the corner. she’s on her phone, scrolling idly through it.

great!

your body cries out for her touch, the invisible string of attraction that tied you to her pulled you in closer and closer and you mentally curse yourself for feeling this strongly about her.

you can’t shake the feeling that you should go over there and say something, anything. but what would you even say?

“hey, sorry i ignored you, you just make me feel things i’ve never felt before and it’s making me question everything because i’ve never felt this way about any of my other hookups.”

…that doesn’t seem like the best option, so you inch closer to the door you just came in from before turning and leaving completely.

‘god’ you think, ‘what the fuck is happening to me?’

unbeknownst to you, ellie sees you. she sees you walk in, look at her, and immediately leave.

ellie is well aware of your reputation, but it still stings that you don’t care the way that she does. she knows that you probably don’t care much about anyone that you’ve slept with, that it’s not just her you don’t seem to care about, and she tries to be okay with it.

she packed up her stuff, unwilling to sit in the coffee shop while she was sulking, but as she was doing so, her phone lit up with a notification.

‘take that, dina,’ ellie thinks, ‘she wants me… i think?’

#max writes ☆#ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #the last of us #tlou #wlw #wlw smut #i don’t even wanna tag this #idk why im so insecure about this sorry if it’s annoying im just WHAJFJSJFJFJJDJJDWJKDD

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prodkatsu · 1 year

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he comforts you during a panic attack ⨾ bakugou katsuki

"hello, love!"

"i don't think i can do this."

"what—" the painful sobbing from the other side interrupted katsuki from finishing his sentence.

"it's too much. the world is spinning around me and i think i'll throw up if this goes on. im not enough prepared for this. they'll know im not the best and im nothing but useless bitch who can't do much other than being nervous. i don't think i can do—" your sobs of panic were interrupted.

"breath, love, breath for me." the soft voice of your boyfriend spoke from the other side — this is the softest you've ever heard him. you take a gulping breath, choking on the process. "i need you to calm down and tell me what happened, 'kay?"

you nod. "words, love, i need words. tell me what happened."

and you started to tell him all your worries and he listened to those, patiently among all the chokes and sobs you let out. "—and i don't think im qualified enough to give this exam. all the people around me are so talented and experienced, and im nothing but a blabbering mess. i don't think i come even close to them." your sobs swallow few words but katsuki caught up to them "it's— i— ugh! i feel so insignificant among all this amazing people. it's tough imagining that i'll even do well, let alone score good."

you started to sob into the phone, praying that no one will use the restroom at this moment. you don't think you'll be able to take the humiliation along with this anxiety.

the line stayed quiet for some time, making you blabber more nonsense than you mean. "im so sorry. i did not mean to disturb you during your duty. i know how busy you are. oh god! i can't even be a good girlfriend—"

"hey! enough. stop saying shit about my girlfriend. i know my girlfriend better than anyone and i love her despite what she thinks of herself, so do not say anything bad about her." he said sternly, his words making you smile through the tears slightly.

clearing his throat, katsuki said in a soft voice, "i was giving you time, love, to organize your thoughts. im sorry it gave you more things to worry." you shake your head on the other side, realising he can't see. "you know what i think, i think you'll do amazing. ive seen you work hard and i know how much effort you put in your work."

"your classmates might be good, but you're better, you can't underestimate your power, you understand?" you nod. "i need words, love." you reply in a shaky voice, "yes."

"good. you need to know it's normal for you to feel nervous but please believe in yourself. i know you have work hard and i know how good you are. you need to believe in yourself and see what an amazing person you are, yes?" you sobbed and reply, "yes."

"good. now go out there and break legs. i mean literally." you laughed which pulled a smile on katsuki's face. "you good now, baby?"

"yes, im better." you wiped your eyes and nod your head.

"that's my girl. you're better you need to know." you hummed and stood up to dust your dress. walking out of the toilet stall, you went to wash your hands.

"'suki, do you ever feel nervous?" there was a pause before his voice came through.

"always, love, always when you're not with me. i always feel nervous that a time can come when im far from you and you get hurt and im not fast enough to save you. this always haunts me in the night." you can hear the vulnerability in his voice. your katsuki was many things but vulnerable wasn't any of them. he only let this side show with you, that's what you admire the most. he was a force to reckon with but soft breeze when he was with you.

"you're the best, 'suki, i love you." katsuki could feel his ears turning red. you still have that effect on him even after being in a relationship for four years, and on the way to get married. "i love you too, baby. now go and do your best."

you whispered a farewell to him and left the restroom with a new earned determination.

you have prepared your best so you don't need to worry about anything else.

#— prodkatsu 𔓘 #bakugou x reader #bakugo fluff #pro hero bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x y/n #katsuki x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou fluff #bnha bakugou #mha bakugou #bakugou drabble #bnha x reader #bnha #bakugo headcanons #bakugou hcs

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biggiedraws · 11 months

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okay i just finished rewatching fma brotherhood and can we please talk about how fuckin 15 ed is. like lots of anime protagonists are 15 but ed is *so* 15.

like- he needs to disguise the car so he makes it into a 15 year olds idea of a really cool car, and its so cringe the adults force him to change it. he makes ling a sword and puts a little skull on the handle (for literally no reason except that he presumably thought it would be cool, even though they were in the middle of getting their asses kicked by envy) and then gets defensive when ling calls it lame. he gets riled up unbelievably easily over NOTHING. his fighting style is scrappy- hes experienced but not disciplined, and he'll use whatevers on hand to get the job done. he'll mess around in the middle of a fight, use unnecessarily flashy moves/weapons, and hes just generally a nuisance in combat. he gets really flustered when people insinuate that winry is his girlfriend, and then when he DOES confess to her 2 years later he uses a fucking alchemy metaphor because hes a NERD.

im saying all of this with affection by the way- hes a cringe 15 year old because 15 year olds are cringe! i feel like most of the time these high school age protagonists are basically just adult characters with more naive ideals, or theyre a bit more emotional, or they have "childish" interests. ESPECIALLY with these high stakes action-adventure stories, where the fate of the world is in their hands. but a kid can have the weight of the world on their shoulders and still handle their emotions poorly, act recklessly, goof off at inappropriate times, and generally think and act in a way that adults wouldnt. and still be mature and competent characters! i mean, ed is a GREAT protagonist. he has a full understanding of the stakes and he knows how and when to get serious. but he also does shit like breaking into a secret government laboratory, alone, in the middle of the night, with no plan, and nearly gets himself killed in the process. because hes a reckless kid! and if he HADNT done that, they never would have found out the enemys plan in time!

and its just so perfectly executed- instead of childish traits being sprinkled on top of adult problem solving and emotional regulation, him being 15 informs how he acts all the time! sometimes this is a good thing because he solves problems in a unique way, and sometimes it causes even MORE problems. its a fundamental aspect of his character that contributes to both his strong and weak points.

and my absolute favourite part is that hes still treated like a person worthy of his title and reputation- not only by the adult characters, but by the narrative itself. but he isnt treated like an adult either! the adults around him dont talk down to him, but they also dont have adult expectations of him. theres a whole bit about how the adults shouldnt stand by while the children are on the battlefield- insinuating that while the children are worthy of standing on the battlefield alongside them, they also feel some responsibility to lead them since theyre the adults. which is super reasonable! its probably the best take on adult mentor figures for child main characters ive ever seen.

and yeah theres an argument to be made that it was pretty fucked up of mustang to recruit ed to the military at 12 years old. but he was super upfront with him about what it would entail and didnt force him into it. so watching it as an adult, yeah, its fucked up. but the target audience is kids and thats how kids want to be treated! yeah its a lot of responsibility, but ed knew that going in AND he has a huge support network of trustworthy adults who are looking out for him. hes fine. and hes DEFINITELY better off than most high school age protagonists, who are just sort of thrust into high stakes, life-threatening situations with little guidance. the dynamic is less "you are The Chosen One who will singlehandedly save the world" and more "i mean you certainly have the skills and we really appreciate you working with us but what the fuck is a child doing in the military. who authorized this?? youre going to get yourself killed PLEASE be more careful!" and like. if youre gonna have a show about a 15 year old saving the world, then thats definitely the way to do it.

and what really seals the deal is how pissed ed gets when people treat him like a kid. thats the most 15 year old thing ever! he FEELS like hes being talked down to and disrespected just because hes not given the same expectations and responsibilities as the adults. watching it as a 20 year old im super impressed by the way the adults treat ed, but i can also understand why ed gets so frustrated. its the nature of being a teenager and thinking you can handle more than you can. which really just solidifies how fuckin 15 he is

btw im not saying ed is the only well written teenager in the show. hes just the clearest example- hes so LOUD about who he is and it makes it really easy to talk about his character traits. also hes like my favourite character ever and i just have to talk about him. so like al and the rest are also really convincing kids, and a lot of this stuff kind of applies to all of them! im just talking about ed because i want to lmfao

#i dont really have a thesis here i just love it #great writing and so fun to watch #fullmetal alchemist #fma #fmab #edward elric #analysis

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builtbybrokenbells · 10 months

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Gold Dust Woman | iv

Driven to the brink of insanity, y/n turns to her best friend for advice in her time of need. A Sunday brunch paired with day drinking leads to a world of new information she hopes will help her to better understand the new world she is caught up in.

Read part three here

Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader, sam kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 12.5k

Warnings: sexting, sort of phone sex I guess, dirty talk, name calling (ish?), pet names, touch of praise, teasing, drinking, swearing, gossip (is that a warning? idk anymore guys), mentions of cheating, but nothing super heavy for this chapter! sorry if i miss any!

in my hungover state I present you with this! I’ve been waiting to write this chapter literally since I’ve started this. it’s super important to the plot and I think clears up a lot of stuff!! plus it’s a good little summary of everything leading up to this chapter. also id just like to say a super sincere thank you for the love i have received on this series. it was a big step out of my comfort zone and i was really worried that it wouldn’t be enjoyed, but you guys are so kind and supportive. i <3 you all. as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻

The tiny diner was overcrowded for its size, but still as welcoming as ever. Cheer and comfortability radiated through the air from the minute you stepped inside, never failing to brighten spirits. The small booth in the very back corner was routinely reserved for you and Danny on your Sunday outings. Brunch, always, but it was normally followed by some sort of wholesome activity to fill the afternoon. Then again, it didn’t matter what you were doing; time spent with Danny was always wholesome, and quite fulfilling. His friendship was one of your most prized possessions, mostly because you never really experienced anything like it before him. The conversation was never dull, radiating a type of safety that made you feel like you could tell him anything. Jokes were always well timed, advice was free-flowing, and a gesture of comfort was routinely available if needed.

Sundays were your favourite day, because you got the opportunity to spend time with him. Sometimes, the other boys would join, but that was rare. Even if they opted not to, you were fine with that, because you knew that the booth in the very back would always be reserved for two. That day was no different; you picked Danny up from his apartment at the usual time, and you both showed each other new music discoveries from the prior week. After the high stress of the weekend, you were happy to return to some type of normalcy, even if your regret for your careless decisions were constantly looming over you. When you arrived at the diner, the familiarity of the scene wrapped you up in a warm hug.

When you settled in to the seat, you placed your purse beside you and your phone face down on the table. The morning had started in a strange way, still leaving you frazzled hours later. After yesterdays activities, you had woken up tangled in the bed sheets and wrapped around Jake Kiszka. You never thought you would find yourself in such a state, but the reality of it was all too overwhelming to ignore. Although it wasn’t a bad start to the day, you were still aching with residual stress from the entirety of the situation. When he woke, too, the feeling seemed to wash away. There was a few hours where things seemed perfectly right, instead of troublesome; laughing and kissing your way through the earliest hours of your day, cooking breakfast and sharing cups of coffee along with stolen glances and smiles. It was beautiful in its own twisted way, making you genuinely believe you could spend the rest of your life doing just that. Once he’d left you on your lonesome, the guilt creeped back in like a disease, eating away at every part of you and taking you for its own. It had yet to satiate, even with Danny in front of you and a promise of a good day.

“You look terrible.” He stated, taking a sip out of the coffee mug the waitress had quickly delivered. Your eyes snapped up to him, shocked at the blunt statement.

“Thanks?” You furrowed your eyebrows, a small laugh stuck in your throat.

“No, not like that.” He corrected, placing his menu on the table. There was no need for it; you both had tried the entirety of the menu the restaurant offered, settling on your favourites long ago. “You always look pretty. I mean, you look like you just saw a ghost.” He was right, you couldn’t deny it. The bags under your eyes were darker than ever, skin pale and eyes distant. You were a mess, definitely looking like yourself but a mostly just a shell of it. It didn’t take a detective to figure that out.

“Yeah,” you chuckled, unsure of how to respond to his statement. “Guess I just haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” He shot back, his gaze unwavering. You shifted under the stare, feeling like he had already picked up on your predicament. You hated that about him; he always seemed to know there was something on your mind, even if you exhausted every way to hide it. It was just a Danny thing, and you had picked up on that long ago. He cared too much, noticed too much. Secrets didn’t exist around him, and perhaps that was why you were so excited for this particular outing, subconsciously hoping you might be able to get at least something off your chest.

“I don’t know if there’s enough time in the day.” You grumbled, taking a long sip of water from your cup. “I wouldn’t want to make your ears bleed.”

“I’ll strike you a deal.” He offered, causing you to look up at him. “Bottomless mimosas on me, and a shoulder to cry on.” You eyed him, nervous to agree but comforted at the thought of speaking your mind. “What’s said at brunch stays at brunch. I’ll drive home.” His invitation was very tempting. As much as you felt like you should keep the turmoil to yourself, the idea of advice or even just to confess your mistakes was overwhelmingly alluring. After a moment, you decided you would have to say something, even just an elusive idea to get some kind of answer to your internal debate.

“Deal, but it stays between us.” You finally said, realizing that if you didn’t speak your troubles aloud, they would eat you alive. Besides, there was nobody in the world that you trusted more than Danny. You knew you could probably confess murder and he would only ask how to help. “But my lips are sealed until those mimosa’s get here.” You smiled.

When the waitress came to check in and take orders, you both settled on a meal and Danny was sure not to forget your drinks. As you waited for her return, you struggled to arrange the thoughts in your brain. You had no idea how to explain the situation to him, or even where to begin. You were scared he would think differently of you, even though deep down, you knew he wouldn’t. The whole thing was sick and twisted, and you were so on edge that you thought you might combust. The last thing you wanted was to lose your friendship with Danny because of your inability to understand your own feelings. When the champagne flute was finally in front of you, your stomach churned with unease. You looked up to meet his eyes, but found he was already waiting in anticipation.

“So, what’s going on?” Before answering, you grabbed the glass and made quick work at finishing the liquid in one go. You figured you’d need the courage to tell this story.

“Remember that lesson we were talking about?” You asked, checking the flute to make sure you didn’t miss any alcohol before setting it back down.

“Vaguely,” he smirked “but I don’t think you ever told me exactly what it was.”

“Yeah, because I still have no idea what the fuck it is.” You let out a nervous chuckle. “I made a really big mess of things, and I have no idea how to fix it.”

“Okay, don’t panic. We can work through it together.” Your heart warmed at his words, feeling a little better just at the thought of his input. Even if he were to tell you that you were an idiot, you knew you deserved it. There had never been a time where advice from Danny hadn’t helped, even if it was only for a moment. And, although you hated to admit it, he was almost always right. “What kind of mess?”

“A big one.” You said, unable to find a better way to describe it. “I guess I probably have to go way back to the start for anything to make sense.” You sighed, placing your head in your hands. Your plan for keeping your feelings quiet had crumbled long ago; if you were going to tell him anything, you would have to explain it all. “The lesson was Sam. I’ve been in love with him for months.”

“Mhm,” Danny nodded, pausing his response as the waitress walked over to replace your drink. Once she was out of earshot, he spoke. “I had an idea.”

“Was it that obvious?” He quickly averted his eyes, not wanting you to see his face as he reacted to your question. You could tell he was trying not to laugh, finding your inquiry quite funny. “Oh, god.” You groaned.

“No, not exactly obvious.” He lied. You let out a groan, embarrassed that everybody seemed to know about your crush. “I don’t think he did, though. He’s pretty oblivious.” He comforted you, the second part of his statement much more genuine. “Why is that such a big deal?” You audibly laughed at his comment, realizing that he had no idea the extent of the problem.

“He never gave me any idea he liked me back. Flirted with girls at my house, acted like I was just another one of the guys. I never really felt like I meant anything more to him.” You explained. “And I was too much of a coward to say anything. Thought it was better if I kept everything a secret. I didn’t want to risk losing you guys as friends. I like you all too much.”

“We like you too, y/n.” He smiled, finding your worry silly. He knew that whatever happened, he still wanted to be your friend. You were his solace away from the chaos of his band mates, and to him, it was the best thing in the whole world. You gave him a soft smile, taking a moment to sip at your drink again. “No matter what, you’re always going to be my Sunday brunch date.” He assured you. You let out a long breath, now preparing to get into the deepest part of the conversation.

“So that night, after you and I talked, I figured that I had to snap out of it. I spent every weekend watching him, hoping he would make a move, or even give me some sort of hint that he acknowledged I existed in any way other than a friend. I was tired of waiting. I wanted to have fun, so I asked you to play beer pong.” He hummed an agreement, letting you know he was following. “And I partnered with Jake.” And what a grave mistake, that was. “I was drunk, and at first it was friendly, no different than usual. Then he started looking and talking to me different. It wasn’t bad, obviously, but he was very clearly flirting.” You paused, noticing the small smile he was fighting back. You tried to ignore it, not liking the way he was looking at you. “I was really drunk, and it felt really nice to be noticed. I shouldn’t have entertained it, but I did. I played along with him, thinking it was harmless. The game ended, we went out separate ways, and I figured that was the end of it. It should have been the end of it.”

“It wasn’t, though, was it?” You shook your head at his words. The conversation was stopped by plates of food in front of you and another replacement for your empty mimosa. You took a break from the grievous topic to have a bite to eat before continuing. After a few moments, you answered.

“Nope,” you sighed, popping the p to accentuate the impact. “We talked for a little while longer, then I went to the bathroom. Heard someone playing my guitar in my room, so of course I had to check.” You cursed yourself for not knowing better. “There he was, playing so well that it draws you in without a second thought, looking as pretty as ever.” He got a laugh out of your statement, never hearing two compliments sound so much like insults. “I joined him and we talked for a while, completely normal stuff.”

“You guys hooked up?”

“Ah!” You snapped, pressing your finger to your lips, silently telling him to keep his voice down. He let out a hearty laugh at your dramatics, knowing that nobody in the vicinity gave a single care about what you were talking about.

“So that’s a yes?”

“Yeah, sort of, I guess!” You said, exasperated at the thought of recalling that moment aloud, especially to someone so close with Jake. You took another long drink, hoping the alcohol would calm your nerves. “I went to bed, and I didn’t know what to think. Part of me was thrilled, but a bigger one never wanted to do it again. I felt so guilty, almost like I cheated on Sam even though he had no idea I liked him. How stupid is that?”

“It’s not stupid, y/n. I think it’s pretty normal, actually.” He shrugged. “We live in our own head, and when we like someone so much, especially for a long time, it kind of starts to feel real. I think you feeling guilty is actually more normal than not caring. Means you really do like him, and it’s not just a surface level thing.” The confirmation was nice, but also made you feel even worse. You felt as though you shouldn’t be allowed to have feelings for Sam anymore, especially after how you spent your morning. “I take it that’s not the end?” He chuckled, picking up on your sullen expression.

“No,” you groaned, burying your head in your hands again. “I wish it was, but no.” He reached over, looping his fingers around your wrist and gently pulling your hand away from your face. You glanced up at him through your eyelashes, noticing his smile.

“It’s okay. What’s said at brunch stays at brunch.” He promised. You gave a slight nod, letting your hand fall into his. He rested them on the table, giving yours a reassuring squeeze.

“When I woke up and only saw you three in the living room, I kind of thought he regretted it, too. Figured he sobered up and… yeah.” You laughed, not feeling a need to get into your insecurities. “I was nervous, still feeling pretty guilty, but we were all hungover so I just blamed it on that. Things felt normal for a minute, when we were all just sitting and falling asleep. Then he came back. From the minute I saw him, I knew he didn’t regret any of it. He gave me my coffee. My coffee, exactly how I order it. He remembered, and I don’t even think I’ve ever told him.” You mumbled, feeling a blush rise at the memory. “We ended up going to the basement, and nothing happened, really. We kissed and talked, and we kind of agreed he would stay after everyone left.”

“That doesn’t sound bad.” He reassured you. You narrowed your stare, causing him to back down instantly.

“Aside from the feelings thing, no.” You admitted, feeling bad for giving him such a harsh look. “While we were playing songs, everything felt fine. It was fun, I wasn’t nervous or worried about anything, and I thought that maybe things would be fine. I know Jake isn’t the bad guy; he’s not someone I wouldn’t want to fall in love with. I think I’d like it, actually, if the situation were that simple. He’s always been kind to me, he’s funny, he remembers things about me that nobody bothers to. He cares about the little things. He pays attention.”

“And Sam doesn’t.” He affirmed. You nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly.

“He never has. I feel like I wasted months loving someone who didn’t give a shit whether I was around or not.” Danny looked like he wanted to protest, but bit his tongue instead. It was your time to vent, and he wanted you to say what you needed without interruption. “I went to the kitchen to get more coffee, more comfortable with everything. I thought maybe if Jake and I spent enough time together, the feelings for Sam would just be… obsolete. I’m sure it would have worked, too. But, he just had to follow me.”

“Sam?” You nodded, giving him a bit of clarity. You were so worked up that you were rushing yourself through the story.

“Yeah, we just chatted for a minute, both drank our coffee like normal friends. Then he tried to hold my hand! And then tried to hint around that he liked me, too!”

“He did not,” Danny sat back in the booth, letting his head slump against the seat, internally cringing at his best friends terrible timing.

“Sure did! The whole confession was pretty funny, actually. Not to me, but definitely to someone! It was like god was sitting up in the sky laughing at me while it happened.”

“He’s so stupid.” Danny groaned, clearly exasperated himself. Danny was so unapologetic about his secret love of girl talk, and it made you incredibly happy. He really was your best friend in every sense of the word.

“Yeah, and I was a little pissed off! It made me feel like I was only worth loving when he was afraid he couldn’t have me. We argued for a few minutes, and he basically pried the confession about Jake out of me so he could use it for his own personal agenda! Then, he got this grand idea that he’d make it into a competition between him and and his brother to see who can win me over.” Danny gave a wince at the thought, already aware of Sam’s thought process before you even said it aloud. “I told him it was a bad idea, and I meant it. It is a terrible idea.” You clarified before telling him any more. After a few moments of silence, his eyes were urging you to continue. “We kissed.” You sighed. He let out another laugh, like what you had said was a joke rather than something you deeply regretted. His hand squeezed yours once more, another gesture of comfort. “What’s so funny?”

“No, no. You tell your story, I’ll talk later.” He assured you. With an air of discomfort, you accepted the deal, deciding to purge yourself of the last bit of the story so you could get it over with.

“It was fantastic. Something I’d been waiting forever to do. It almost felt wrong because it felt so right. So I planned on ending things with Jake. It was the right thing to do; I know if Sam had kissed me even a day sooner, there would have been no problem or conflict. I would have been over the moon.” Danny gave a hum, understanding what you meant, but not certain he agreed with it. Still, he held his thoughts back until you were finished. “You guys came in, and Sam left. Jake was still in the living room, because I told him to stay after everybody went home. I went in to talk to him, fully prepared to end things, but when I saw him, it was like it disappeared. He’s just so… captivating. Like, when I’m around him, he’s the only thing that exists.”

“Yeah, he does have a pretty big personality. Hard to ignore. He’s quiet, but I think that’s part of the charm.”

“Yep, because everything that comes out of his mouth is perfectly thought out.” You snipped, angry at the thought of his perfection. “He started talking, and he knew Sam and I had done something in the kitchen. I didn’t even have to say anything to him. There was a lot of back and fourth, kind of unimportant. I don’t even think I could explain it, anyway. But, he basically said that they both had feelings for me and they decided that they should both have a fair shot at winning me over. Isn’t that fucked up? That they decided that on their own, and didn’t tell me?”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“That’s what I thought! Anyway, whatever. Doesn’t matter now, I guess. He said some cryptic shit and I told him to leave, but it was mostly just because I was pissed off. I don’t think I really wanted him to go. Like I said, it doesn’t matter, because he stayed the night, last night. He left before I came to pick you up.” You sat back in your seat, defeated still, even after talking through the whole thing. The words being spoken into the universe only seemed to make you feel worse about the predicament. The only hope you had left was that Danny would have some sort of miracle advice to help you out, but you didn’t want to keep your hopes too high. “I think Jake’s been feeling the same way about me as I feel about Sam.”

“Okay.” Danny said, showing you that he was sufficiently aware of your predicament. “My turn?”

“Please.” You urged, finishing the last of your drink. You barely had the glass back on the table before the waitress was there to replace it. You were starting to feel the buzz of the liquor, realizing that you were genuinely getting day-drunk just to forget about your own mistakes. You were at an all time low, you decided. Your usual attitude towards relationships had continually assured you protected yourself, never letting anyone get to close, and never falling for anybody too hard. It was lonely, but loneliness was much preferred to how you were feeling in that moment. Now, in addition to a broken heart and a guilty conscience, you were scared you were going to lose the only true friends you ever had.

“I’ve known Jake and Sam for a long time. It’s a blessing and a curse. I love them to death, they’re family. Fun to be around, great friends, all that mushy shit. But, after so many years, you pick up on the bad stuff, too.” You were intrigued, now. As the fourth glass of the heartache remedy slid down your throat, you felt yourself leaning in closer to the table, not expecting a response like such. You thought Danny would call you on your bullshit, tell you that you were an idiot. You prepared yourself for that, still, because the conversation wasn’t over. It was still a possibility, but you certainly didn’t think his advice would lead in with the Kiszka’s baggage.

“You mean to tell me they’re not perfect? That god didn’t hand craft them and put them on earth just to make the rest of us feel bad?” He had another hearty laugh, finding your tipsy smile hilarious. Your ability to joke even through your turmoil was heartwarming.

“Seems that way sometimes, but no. At least I don’t think so.” He reassured you. “Jake and Sam are a lot more alike than everyone thinks, and not just physically. Sometimes, they’re more alike than Jake and Josh, which is incredibly hard to do. I mean, they’re brothers, so it’s expected, I guess. I didn’t notice it when we were in high school, but Jake wasn’t around as often. Once we all graduated, we started making music and spending a lot of time together. I think that’s when I realized how similar they were.”

“Mhm,” you agreed, wholeheartedly believing him. The two were strikingly similar in lots of ways, despite a few blatant things that offset their shared traits. You could even tell through their touch, or the small interactions that left you guessing if they previously conspired what they were going to say to you, or if it was just their Kiszka nature.

“Their taste in girls has always been one of those things. Over the years, girlfriends or flings caught interest in the other brother, or vice versa, and it was always a bit messy. It seemed like if you fell for one of them, you’d eventually fall for both of them. Or if one of them fell for you, the other would, too. It’s really fucked up, actually.” He gave a little chuckle, trying his best to explain the observation. “They caught on to it pretty soon, and fought over it once or twice, but it never seemed to cause an issue between them. They’d be mad for a few days, then they would move on like it never happened. I don’t know if they accepted it, or if they just didn’t care. Personally, I couldn’t do what they do. It would drive me crazy.” He added, clearly letting on that whatever he was leading in to was common, very deeply rooted and still pressing. You could see in his eyes that the idea was unsettling to him. “For a year or so, whichever way it went, the other just admitted defeat and moved on.”

“Oh, wow.” You breathed, trying to wrap your head around his words. It felt like you were learning deep lore about them that you weren’t supposed to know.

“I wouldn’t be telling you all this if I felt like I shouldn’t be, but it seems like they’re back to their old ways. Trust me when I say it’s much harder on you than it is on them.” You nodded, agreeing with the statement. The whole twisted relationship had given you nothing but turmoil since it had begun, and you were desperate for insight on how to fix it. To them, it just seemed like another day’s work. “Our first real tour, Sam fell super hard for a girl we met at a bar one night. Like, I mean head over heels, stars in his eyes, the whole nine yards. He got her number, and they were in love before we even left the bar. They ended up getting together, and things were really great between them. She even came along with us for a few weeks. They were happy for a while, but then Sam let tour life get to him, I think. He fucked up, hooked up with a random girl and threw the whole thing in the garbage. It was absolutely his fault, and I’ll never defend him over it, but he was young and had no idea how to handle the fame, even if we weren’t that big back then. He seemed to cling to every bit of attention he got. I know he regretted it as soon as he realized what he did, but obviously it was too late. I don’t blame her for leaving.” He shrugged. You were watching intently, immersed in every word.

“Now, I don’t know for certain what happened. Nobody talks about it anymore, and we never really did back then, either. It’s in the past, and everybody wants to keep it that way. But, that girl ended up in Jake’s bed after the big blowout. I don’t know if she initiated it, or he instigated, but it didn’t really matter, anyway. Sam found out and went insane, and he wasn’t interested in knowing who started it. They fought, like really fought, fists and all. We thought that would be the end of the band; they didn’t speak to each other for weeks. Rehearsals and concerts were constantly tense. The girl wasn’t even in the picture, anymore, Sam just felt betrayed and Jake didn’t want to admit he was in the wrong. Before, I don’t think he was ever really in love with anybody, so it didn’t matter as much. But that time, Sam reached his breaking point.”

“Holy shit,” you didn’t care about anything else happening around you. The story was captivating; both boys were very closed off, never giving too much away about themselves. They’d always answer questions if asked, but you never really heard much about the past, especially relationships. You were realizing why, now. “Poor Sam.”

“I guess.” Danny shrugged. “In that situation, yeah, but he’s not innocent. After they made up, he never let it go. He wanted to get back at him, and he did. Ever since then, Jake never had a chance to have a relationship. The minute he showed interest in someone, Sam was already trying to win her over. At first, I think it was just a coincidence. They’re similar, they like the same type of girls, obviously that can cause some issues. After that, it was different. Clearly intentional and meant to be hurtful. I stopped feeling sorry for them a long time ago. They know what they’re doing, and neither of them want to be the bigger person and apologize. Over the years, it’s just grown into a big mess.”

“So that’s why they’re doing this?”

“Yeah.” He felt no need to lie. “They’ve always been competitive. It’s a brother thing. Sam more than Jake, really. I think it’s because he’s younger, maybe feels inadequate sometimes. But to be competitive over girls with real feelings… I don’t like it. After so long, they learned to take the loss and move on. Better luck next time, to them. They mope around for a few days and then they’re back to best friends like nothing ever happened. The girls always end up getting hurt in the end, and that’s the fucked up part. They can hurt their own feelings as much as they want, but I don’t think it’s right to do it to anyone else.”

“That’s why Jake knew what happened in the kitchen. And Sam was so certain he was going to win me over. They’re masters at the game.” The whole wicked, devil-like persona’s were making more sense, now. Every move was thought out, meticulously planned and executed with grace. They’ve been playing this game far longer than you’d even been a part of it, and you were curious if they even had real feelings at all, or if it was just a part of the spiteful process.

“Masters, I’m not sure about. Cocky and annoying, absolutely. I don’t care what they have against each other. They have to settle that between themselves, not bring anyone else into it. All of us consider you a friend. A best friend. What they’re doing hurts everyone, but clearly it’s been hurting you the most.” You finished your drink, looking around for the waitress to get another refill. You were in information overload, more questions and worries filling your head with every second that passed. He picked up on the nervous energy, giving your hand another small squeeze to bring you back to reality.

“Do you think they even care about me, or is it just to piss each other off?” His eyes widened, realizing how easily you could have interpreted that from his story.

“No, y/n, not like that. I can’t speak for certainty on everything, but I am pretty sure Jake’s head over heels for you. He always perks up when we talk about you, and he’s the first one ready when we’re going to your place. Most of the time, he’s begging us to hurry up. I can see it in his eyes. We all see it, and I think that’s why I got so excited when I saw you guys flirting on Friday. Hoped that he’d finally get the courage to make a move.”

“Okay,” you whispered, scared to ask anything about the other boy, unsure if you even wanted to know the answer.

“Sam likes you, too. He told me himself, and not just yesterday, either. I’m not picking a side, or trying to get you to choose. Just telling you what I think you need to know so you can stop beating yourself up.” He explained. “I don’t know why Sam didn’t speak up, sooner. I told him you liked him, gave him encouragement, but he never said anything. He acted like he was oblivious, but he knew. Everyone knows you have feelings for Sam. I love you, but it was obvious.” Your cheeks turned rosy, embarrassed at your own inability to hide your emotions. “I think they both really like you, and they were scared of the same thing. They didn’t want the other to steal you away, but they fell into routine again and they’re doing exactly what they wanted to avoid. When Sam saw you with Jake, It probably lit a old fire in him, which is why it all happened so fast.” As much as you wanted the knowledge to give you reassurance, it only made the dread grow even larger.

“I don’t know what to do, Danny.” You sighed, closing your eyes to ward off the stress headache. You retracted your hand from his, missing the comfort of the hold almost immediately. You brought your fingers to your temples and gently massaged the area, satiating the ache slightly. “I never should have started anything with Jake. I had feelings for Sam. It was selfish, and I know that.”

“I think you had feelings for him, too. Maybe you just didn’t realize it.” He offered. “It’s not like you to start something like that without any reason. Plus, like I said, if you like one of them… history tends to repeat itself.” He said, keeping the truth light.

“If I didn’t, I sure do now.” You let out a humourless laugh, pushing the food around on your plate with your fork. “I feel like I maybe put Sam on a pedestal because I had such a big crush on him. I always thought I was in love with him, but I was never with him. I didn’t know anything beyond the surface, never experienced anything more than friendship. Not even an idea. Now, I’ve been with Jake. I know him, and I feel like maybe what I felt for Sam was just infatuation.”

“Could have been.” He shrugged, unable to answer that one for you.

“But when I’m around him, both of them, actually, they have this pull, like the earth is forcing me into their arms. It’s impossible to think clearly with them around, and I think maybe I just have to take a step back to figure it out.”

“Good luck with that.” He joked, eyes drifting to your phone on the table. “Your phone’s been going off all day, and I’m pretty sure I have an idea who it is.” You couldn’t deny anything, mostly because you knew he was right. Intermittently, another vibration would sound, and you knew if you picked it up, it would be one of the brothers you were trying so hard to ignore. “I don’t care if you ignore them, as long as I still get to see you. Wouldn’t give up our brunch dates for the world.” He sent a playful wink your way.

“Let’s just run away, get married and have mimosa’s for the rest of our lives on a cute little porch while we watch the sunset.” You grinned. “Don’t have to worry about anything ever again.”

“Don’t tempt me,” he smirked. “If I get involved in this, I’m definitely winning.” You both shared a fit of giggles, happy to ease the tension with light jokes. “But seriously, if that’s what you want to do, do it. I know how hard on the head they can be normally, so I can’t imagine what it’s like being in your position.” He sympathized. “It’s not fair to you. I think maybe that’s why Jake tried to be so secretive about it, he wanted to make the move and start something before Sam could get involved. But, it’s like some weird brother thing; they can always tell.”

“I don’t know what to do. I feel like I ignored too many lessons, and the universe is super mad at me right now.” You sighed, your attention grabbed by the waitress dropping another drink off. You mumbled a small thank you before she disappeared again. “I like them both, but I don’t want to hurt either of them. I don’t want to get hurt. The whole thing is fucked up.”

“May I offer my opinion?” He asked, mischief laced in his tone. You gave a nod, figuring that anything would help at this point. “I don’t think you’re going to hurt them nearly as bad as you think.” He assured you. “Yeah, obviously, however this goes, someone is bound to be disappointed, but they’ve been playing this game for years. If you like both of them, play the game with them.”

“Encourage it?” You were in disbelief that he would even suggest it.

“Yep.” He confirmed, no hesitation in his voice. “Listen, they started this whole thing. They think it’s okay to play with your feelings, so play with theirs, instead. Maybe teach them a lesson.” He explained. “Don’t let them run things. You’re in control here, even if you don’t think you are. Have fun with them, and hopefully they’ll see what they’re doing is wrong.”

“You’re evil, Daniel.” You contemplated the idea while finishing your final mimosa, feeling positively tipsy.

“No, just think it’s time they got some karma. They have to learn eventually, they can’t do this for the rest of their lives.” He said, throwing his cutlery and napkins on his plate. “As long as you think you can do it without hurting your own feelings.”

“I’m so pissed off at them that I don’t even care about that.” You chuckled, but it wasn’t funny. The statement was completely truthful.

“So teach them, and then we can eat our brunch in peace. When you do, hopefully they’ll never do it again.” You weren’t expecting Danny to side with you in the matter, but you especially weren’t expecting for him to cheer you on. As you listened to his story of the years he spent dealing with them, you understood why he was telling you to do it. Knowing Danny, you could only assume that there had been many instances where he had to do damage control because of Jake and Sam’s childish behaviour, and he was sick of it. Plus, he seemed quite annoyed with the amount of broken hearts that have ensued because of the brothers tyranny.

Part of you thought it was crazy, that there was no way you could do that to the boys. The other, angrier part of you thought it was a great idea. After only two days of turmoil caused by their behaviour, you were in shambles. Now, knowing that they were completely aware of their own actions, you had no issue handing it right back to them. “Okay.” You agreed. The liquor definitely had an impact on your decision making, but not enough for you to worry about it.

“There. Problem solved.” He smiled. “Maybe that lesson you were dreading wasn’t really your lesson after all.”

You both left the diner with a little more pep in your step than before. Your fears were settled, but not fully resolved. Still, the sense of doom that was looming over you seemed to ease up, and you accredited it solely to Danny. Without his words, you would still be drowning in your own misery. You spotted your car, making a move to get in the drivers seat. As you reached for the handle, you paused yourself, realizing that you were in no state to drive. You reached into your purse, fishing out your keys, and turned to see Danny already holding his hand out for them.

“All yours,” you said, dropping them in his palm. “Forgot.” You let out a giggle.

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes, sending a playful smile your way. You walked to the other side of the vehicle, getting in to the passenger side. Once you had your seatbelt buckled, he began the journey home. You connected your phone to the speaker, clumsily tapping the screen to unlock it. You hit shuffle on your playlist, not having the mind to scroll through and pick a song.

You turned your head towards the window, letting your eyes take in the sights as you passed by. Your mind was spinning with thoughts, but none stuck out as they passed through. Most were a jumble of topics from the previous day’s events, no coherent nature to them. You wanted to check your missed messages, just to see what they’d been saying, but you couldn’t find the strength to do so. You were angry, still, upset that they had no issue involving you in their mess and seemed to have no remorse over it. Even so, the urge to talk to them, to be with them, touched by them, was growing more urgent by the second.

Danny was right; it would be impossible to ignore them. That left you with two choices; play along, or let them play with you and get hurt in the process. You still weren’t certain that the first option would keep your feelings safe, but it was worth a try. Even if it didn’t, hopefully it would ensure neither would pull a stunt like such ever again. “I think I drank too much.” You stated, another giggle laced in your words. He glanced over at you from the drivers seat, giving you a grin.

“Guess that was my fault.” He chuckled.

“No,” you shook your head, smiling softly. “You helped, a lot.”

“I’m glad.” He replied, turning down the street your home was nestled on. “I’m always available for free therapy and alcohol.”

“I always appreciate it. I appreciate you.” You said, watching your driveway creep into sight.

“I appreciate you, bug.” He shot back without missing a beat. The pet name made your heart warm with affection. He really was your best friend, always your biggest comfort and favourite person. Nobody else compared to him, and you hoped that no matter how the situation played out, you’d still have him by your side. A small, selfish part of you wondered why you couldn’t just fall for him; he was funny, sweet, and genuine. Any time spent with him was worth more than the world, and he was beautiful, too. For some reason, it was written in the stars that he was to be your best friend, but that was more than okay. A life with Danny as your best friend was a certain promise of a good one. As much as it sucked dancing with the devil, or the Kiszka brothers, rather, it was meant to be. Even while you wished it away, hoped you could fall out of their grasp and into someone else’s, there was a part of you that loved being loved by them.

He parked your car in its usual spot, getting out to open your door for you. He walked you to the house, stepping inside and closing the door behind you. You both went to the living room, collapsing on the couch with exhaustion, as if you’d just ran a marathon. “You’re stuck here.” You laughed, finally realizing that he didn’t have his own car with him.

“I’ll call a cab, don’t worry.” He assured you, grabbing his phone to do just that. As he found himself busy telling the company the address, you reached over to the chair beside the couch, grabbing the acoustic guitar Jake had been playing earlier that morning. As he hung up the call, you plucked at the strings mindlessly, eventually switching to a chord progression that you had grown to know very well. “Dinner and a show?” He teased, still in awe that you had hidden your talent for so long.

“You know, it would be a lot of fun to come with you guys.” You thought aloud, dismissing his joke.

“You should.” He affirmed your idea. “Even if you just came for a part of the tour.” You let out a low hum, letting him know you heard him without having to respond. Instead of pushing you further, he leaned back into the couch and watched you as you played. Once you were certain he wasn’t going to speak again, you began to sing along to the music, to the song you loved so much. Jake had pegged it as your nickname, and at first it was endearing, but the more you listened to it, the more the words resonated with the ache settled deep in your chest.

“Rock on, Gold Dust Woman

Take your silver spoon, dig your grave” you looked to the fretboard, feeling the need to focus harder because of the alcohol swarming in your system.

“Heartless challenge, pick your path and I’ll pray

Wake up in the morning, see your sunrise loves to go down

Lousy lovers pick their prey but they never cry out loud.“

You sang the rest of the song, breathless by the time you were finished. Danny had a smile stuck on his lips, understanding that sooner or later you would agree to their offer. He could tell how badly you wanted to say yes, but your anxiety was holding you back. You were thinking of the offer, too, but something more pressing came to kind in light of the song choice. Or the mimosas. Or both, maybe. You weren’t sure. Either way, Jake Kiszka had inevitably made his appearance in your thoughts once more, but it wasn’t like he had left in the first place. His presence was always existing within your brain somewhere, even if it wasn’t at the forefront.

It was horrid, never being able to escape him, but it was phenomenal all at the same time. In the last twenty-for hours, he helped you feel more alive than you ever had before. His touch was still lingering in your skin, electrifying every nerve. The memory was fantastic, but nothing compared to the real thing. He was addicting; his company was no longer a want, but necessary for survival. You wondered if you would ever be able to live without it, quickly realizing that you never wanted to find out. Before, the thought of not having Jake around was terrifying, but after having him so intimately, the idea was debilitating, stealing the air from your lungs and crushing you under its weight.

“I could listen to you sing all day, but I gotta run.” Danny broke you from your thoughts. “Plans for tonight, can’t get out of them.”

“Cheating on me, Daniel?” You let out a tsk, showing your displeasure. He let out a laugh, shaking his head.

“Could never do that to you, darling.” He said, as dramatically as possible. You put the guitar to the side, standing up with him so you could give him a proper goodbye. You pulled him into a hug a bit tighter than usual, catching him off guard. It only took him a second to return the gesture, wrapping you in an aura of comfort.

“Thank you for everything. I feel a lot better.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” He assured you. “I love you, and I’ll talk to you soon?” You nodded, head still pressed to his chest.

“I love you.” You said, parting ways with him. “And yeah, I’ll update you.” You smiled, your secret plan solidified by your words.

“Give them hell.” He said, a tone of pleading hidden in the joke. With a wave, he disappeared around the corner and the front door sounded a moment later. The second the door shut, the emptiness of the home already started to seep in.

You gathered your thoughts, shaking away the haunting feeling of seclusion, and made your way to your bedroom. Once inside, you switched the power on to your record player, resuming whichever vinyl you had left from this morning. You let your eyes flutter closed at the hum of the song cutting through the silence. Another vibration from your phone caught your attention, suddenly remembering the messages you had intended to ignore. Now, with Danny’s words sounding in your mind, and your first chance at alone-time, you channeled a new courage to reply. Your fingers pulled the phone from your pocket, eyes immediately drifting over the screen. There were a few texts from your own band mates, and when they could come over to practice. You made a mental note to respond to them later. You moved on, seeing Sam’s name adorned on a missed call. You opted to focus on him later, your eyes seeking the contact you wanted to deal with first.

The notification bar from Jake had three messages. When you tapped them, you expected to be met with filthy words to fuel your desire to get back at him. Instead, the first was a small message of thanks for letting him stay the night prior, confessing his enjoyment. It was simple, not detailed, but enough to make your heart beat a little faster and a blush to make its way onto your cheeks. The second message was a well wish for your lunch date with Danny, saying he hoped you had a good time. The third was much different, more on par with what you had expected from him.

Jacob

Let me know when you want to share some more secrets, Gold Dust Woman

You felt a surge of emotion rush to your stomach, the words so simple, but the feeling so large. It was so easy to give in to him; he barely had to look your way and you were jumping at the chance to be noticed by him. It was crazy how fast the dynamic changed, how quickly he became so important to you. Without a second thought, you were already typing a response.

You

What kind of secrets would you like me to share, Jacob?

You hit send, not expecting a response considering you had waited so long to reply. Before you could even shut the screen off, the text bubble appeared on the screen, signifying his presence in the chat. A smirk pulled at the corner of your lips, happy to see that he was on your hook just as much as you were on his.

Jacob

I can think of a few

You

I’m sure you can. Care to elaborate?

His response was almost immediate, as if he’d pre-typed the words in anticipation of your question.

Jacob

Still wearing that red thong from earlier, or was that just to show off?

You enacted a plan as soon as the text was delivered and you processed what it said. You threw your phone on your bed, quickly shimmying out of your clothes and discarding them on the floor. The alcohol was still buzzing through your veins, your decisions heavily reliant on the false confidence the champagne bestowed upon you. You retrieved your phone, making a move to stand before the mirror on the opposite side of your room. You pulled up your camera, taking a few pictures from different angles, clearly showcasing the red fabric he was so curious about. The pictures that included the matching bra was just out of generosity.

You sifted through the pictures in your camera roll, picking the ones you thought were the best. You swiped back into his chat, reading his message over again. Instead of saying anything else, you sent the few photos you deemed acceptable. You went to the kitchen, unable to find a care to put your clothes back on, and turned your phone screen off. You scoured the fridge, finding a bottle of wine unopened and patiently awaiting your arrival. As you poured yourself a glass, you listened to the repetitive vibrations of incoming text messages. You looked to the clock on the wall, noting the time. Then, you took a seat in a chair and enjoyed the beverage you had fixed for yourself.

After a few moments, the texts ceased, leaving you to sit in silence and ponder your actions. You sipped away at the bitter liquid, refusing to give in to the temptation of answering him. When your glass was half empty, the vibrations resumed. This time, it was an incoming call. The ticking of the clock caught your attention, realizing you’d left him on edge for about fifteen minutes. You figured if you let it go much longer, he would show up at your front door. The thought itself wasn’t terrible, and you certainly wouldn’t mind the company, but you decided you wouldn’t push him that far. His incoming call ended, but it wasn’t long before another one sounded. With a smile on your lips, you picked up your phone and accepted his attempt to reach you.

“Hi,” you said, cheerily, as if you had no idea he had been blowing up your phone. “What’s up?”

“Ignoring me, sweetheart?” His voice was low, no angry tone or hint of annoyance. The soft inquiry sent a rush of arousal through you, just knowing that you had bothered him so badly was enough to send you spiralling.

“Why would I do that?” You asked, tipsiness laced in your voice. He picked up on it almost immediately, thinking your new-found confidence was a result of the alcohol. In truth, he wasn’t completely wrong. Although you and Danny had devised the plan, the execution was heavily reliant on intoxication. For some reason, sobriety did not help your case with either brother. Their charm and wit held you in a chokehold, any time you had the courage to retaliate, they made another move to make you submit. Despite your lack of control, it was still quite enjoyable. Now that tables had turned, that he was the one sitting and thinking about you and slowly driving himself to insanity, you had to admit that it was enjoyable, too. Maybe even more so, if you had to choose.

“Don’t be a tease, angel.” He hummed, the sound of his voice through the phone sending a shiver through you. You thought you might give in, throw the act away and beg for him to come over, but you bit your tongue and powered through.

“I thought that’s what you wanted to see, baby.” You played innocent, taking another sip of wine to keep the spirits high. Your head was buzzing, swimming with many thoughts. Most were filthy, focused mainly on how badly you wished he was in front of you, rather than on the phone. It was ridiculous how fast he consumed your entire being. Thoughts of his hands, his tongue, and how good they felt when they were on you. You missed him, even if you opted not to say it aloud. It had only been a few hours, but it was much too long for your liking. “Was that what you wanted, Jacob?”

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, bothered by your use of the pet name, bothered by the sultry tone you were speaking in. A smirk formed on the corner of your lips, cocky enough to know that you had power over him, too. “Yeah, it was, baby.” He conceded, unwilling to argue the point. “You still didn’t answer my question.” He stated, not willing to let you off the hook so easily.

“What was your question?” You asked, one last attempt to get under his skin. He let in a long breath, trying his best to stay calm while you made it a point to piss him off.

“Why were you ignoring me, angel?” He was heavy on the terms of endearment, leaving you unsure if it was because they were genuine, or if he was using them to coerce an answer from you.

“Wanted to piss you off.” You admitted, feeling no need to lie to him. “Did it work?”

“Mhm,” he mumbled his response wordlessly. Even without an explicit affirmation, you could tell it did just by his tone change. He had expected the answer, but it didn’t seem to make him feel any better. “Didn’t know you were such a brat.” He noted.

“Maybe you just bring out the worst in me.” You snipped back almost immediately. He let out a chuckle, but it wasn’t because he thought your words were humorous. It radiated a tone of shock, as if he was trying to tell you that you had no idea what you were getting yourself into.

“Careful, sweetheart.” He warned. “Don’t make me come over there and fuck that attitude out of you.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You teased. He could hear the smile on your lips through your words, making it difficult for him to keep up with the act. He found your joy infectious, and the teasing fun, in a greater sense than just sexual. He enjoyed all conversations shared with you, even if there was no sexual gratification. He just loved being around you.

“I would, but I don’t think you would.” He said, simple enough to get the point across, but powerful enough to worsen the growing ache between your legs.

“Maybe you’re the sadist.” You theorized, throwing his own idea back in his face. If only he knew how badly you lived to please him, his previous accusations of sadism would be laughable.

“You’ll have to wait and see. I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.” His voice was soothing, even if the topic was filthy. You could listen to him speak all night and never get bored. He was devastatingly perfect, and he made it easier to fall for him every time he opened his mouth. Without thought, you opened your mouth to speak, letting the wine take control of the conversation.

“I miss you.” The statement was quiet, but impactful. In reality, the three words were barely loud enough to catch a normal listeners attention, but the sound was deafening, to him. When you were met with silence, a fizzle of regret formed in your chest, wondering if you took it too far. You would take it back, pretend you never said it or bury it so deep down that could never surface again, just to ensure he wouldn’t hang up the phone; the last thing you wanted was to scare him away.

Although drunk, your feelings were true. You did miss him: you wanted to stay wrapped up in him forever, whether it be just with basic comfort or with sexual nature. You didn’t care, as long as he was with you. In three days, his presence had not only caught your attention, but made home within the walls of your house. Feelings for him were blossoming from every angle, immersing you within them and tying you down with their roots. It only took three days for Jake to make you a fool for him, three days to produce a feeling that rivalled your feelings for Sam. If you thought you were in too deep before, you were drowning, now.

That’s the funny thing about love; it cares little about who it’s next victim is, only about the fatalities it leaves in its wake.

Despite equal consent to the game, fatality was most definitely the prize. By choosing to be ignorant to risk, all three of you willingly sealed your own fate. No amount of repent could save you from the consequences. Deep down, you were well aware of that fact, but the sin was so pleasurable that it no longer mattered.

“I miss you, Gold Dust Woman.” The words only solidified your desire to ignore the risk. It was the most beautiful statement you had ever heard, and it was laced with sincerity. Imbedded with so much emotion that it made your head spin, wondering if it was even possible for someone to speak with such unwavering clarity. As if he, too, realized the extent of his vulnerability, he quickly spoke to cover it. “I miss being inside you, more.” The sweet tone quickly turned into one of desire, but both of you knew it was a lie. He desperately missed the mornings activities, his arms wrapped around your waist with a kiss placed to your neck while the smell of coffee lingered in the air. Smiling and laughing, singing along and poorly dancing to the hum of the record player. Taking turns playing guitar for each other, him dedicating every song to you but leaving it unspoken. He missed the moments of silence, more comfortable than any other, where he could hear your breathing steady while your eyes fluttered closed, enticed by the idea of falling back into a slumber. He missed the fleeting feeling of you being his, and his alone. Even if the idea wasn’t wholly truthful, he liked to pretend it was.

And in a way, you were. Every part of you belonged to him in some sense, even if other forces were trying to pull you away. But neither of you would ever speak those thoughts aloud, scared of the same things, even if the ones you focused on were not the biggest threats. Instead, you played along, sad that he felt the need to discredit such a genuine confession, but relieved that you didn’t have to explain your own. You both fell in step with the devil once again, ignoring the ache in your hearts and covering it with animalistic attraction and half-truths. If only you could both hear how loud he was laughing, pleased that you carried on just how the devil intends.

“You know there’s always a place for you between my legs, baby.” You whispered, the low tone shaking him to his core, settling in his bones and breaking them under the weight of the statement. It was unspoken that the confessions of emotion would be ignored, as always. It was just the way things were. You could practically hear his need for you through the phone, even if he didn’t say anything.

“Is that what you want?” He posed the question in a derogatory manner, as if he was trying to make you to feel shameful for wanting him so badly. You could see through it, knowing that he just wanted to hear you admit your desperation for him. “You want me, baby?”

“Mhm,” You nodded, even though he couldn’t see you. As you realized that, you also realized how badly you wished you could see him. Before responding any further, you clicked the FaceTime icon on his contact. Within seconds, he accepted. The screen lit up with his face, immediately giving you a sense of relief. You took in the sight, noting he was sitting in his living room. You had only been to his apartment a handful of times, but you knew it well enough to recognize it. “Hi,” you smiled, almost forgetting the nature of the conversation.

“Hi, beautiful.” He disregarded the vulgarity for a moment, too, just so he could admire you. The blush that spread across your cheeks caused a smile to break out on his lips, too. He noted the wine glass in the frame before his eyes inevitably landed on your attire, the adoration in his eyes quickly fading into lust. The distant look let you know that he was already imagining what was beneath the flimsy red fabric. Remembering what lie beneath. As much as his expression enticed you, you couldn’t let him get away with it without making a comment.

“Eyes up here, Jacob.” You scolded, catching his attention again.

“Expect me not to stare when you look like that?” He asked, a smile still lingering on his lips. “Sadist.” He smirked, the word bouncing between you both, accompanied by pointed fingers and accusatory tones. Perhaps both of you were the sadists by continuing your entanglement without caution or worry about the future.

“I know how much you love the red, but I think you’ll love what’s underneath it, more.” You said, eyes never leaving his face. You could see the muscle in his jaw tense at the thought, proving you were correct.

“I think red is your colour, sweetheart.” He noted, disregarding your words. As bad as he wanted you to remove the clothing, he’d be caught dead before admitting you were right. “Sit back, baby. Let me see the rest of you.” The order was firm, making sure you knew that it was not a request. You propped your phone against the wine bottle, obeying the instructions and leaning back in your chair, allowing him a better view. He let out a sigh, content with the sight of your mostly exposed upper body.

“Like this?” You asked, bringing your hand to your chest and gently running your fingers over the edge of the cup on your bra, gently pulling it down in the process. It was enough to tease him, but not enough to show him what he was hoping to see. You let your finger linger for a second before releasing the hold. The fabric drifted back to its original position and you let your fingers trail down your bare torso.

“Just like that.” He affirmed, visibly bothered by the show you were putting on. “Be a good girl and take that off for me.” His plea was covered with dominance in attempt to hide his neediness, but it wasn’t working. Part of you wanted to give into the request; with the way he was looking at you, it was hard to want to deny him of anything. But, that little devil in your head was as angry as ever, now fuelled by the knowledge Danny had given you.

“Come over and take it off yourself.” You replied, trying to remain unbothered by his pet names. His eyes flashed with discontent, fed up with your continuous disobedience.

“You want me to come over?” He asked, playing into whatever game you were trying to start with him. You gave a nod, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to withstand the temptation for much longer. “You need someone to take care of that ache between your legs? To make you feel so good that you can’t remember your own name?” His tone was soft, sympathetic almost, but the flame ablaze behind his pupil and the slight tension in his jaw led you to believe he was being quite misleading.

“Yes, please.” You pleaded, ignoring your worry about his honesty. The arousal pooling between your legs was beginning to feel uncomfortable, like a constant, dull pain that would eventually drive you crazy. Something about Jake always led you to believe that life without him would lead you to the brink of insanity. The constant talk of want, or desire was quite minimal compared to how you truly felt about him. Necessity was closer to correct, depending on his touch more than your own heartbeat to keep you alive.

“You need someone to take care of that pretty little cunt,” he deducted, taking in a long breath at the sound of his own words. He was just as worked up as you, debating throwing his plan in the garbage and getting in his car that instant. “And you know I’m the only one who knows how to do it right.” He finished, finding the strength to stay seated and continue his merciless taunts.

“Please come over, baby. I need you so bad.” The words slipped out easier than any you had said before, the strength you had to endure his words was breaking apart every time he opened his mouth.

“I know, angel.” He hummed, soothing you for just a moment. You thought he was going to give in, to tell you he would be there in a minute, but when he spoke again, you wish you’d never started the battle in the first place. “I want to help you out, but you haven’t been very good for me. Being a tease doesn’t get you what you want, baby. You know that.”

“Jake, please. I’m sorry.” You begged, that feeling of familiar dread filling your stomach. “I’ll be good for you, I promise.”

“If I give you what you want, you won’t learn anything.” The irritation that grew from the smirk he was wearing was unbearable. You couldn’t genuinely believe that after the entire call, he would have the nerve to deny either of you the pleasure of spending another night together. “Go take care of yourself, sweetheart. Just think of me when you do.” Your teeth were clenched, frustrated that your efforts seemed to have no effect on him.

“Just come over, baby.” You tried once more, but his mind was made up.

“If you do what I say and behave, I might come and see you later.” So that was his plan; like always, he was willing to give in, but he felt the need to ensure you would suffer, first. “Another picture might help, too.” He sent a wink your way, so subtle that you almost missed it. Before you had a chance to respond, he had ended the call and you were met with the disappointing sight of your screensaver, wishing you had one more minute to admire the sight of his face.

You had two options: deal with the issue yourself, wait it out and hope he would feel generous enough to pay you a visit after a while, or call a cab and go to him, first. As much as the second option was tempting, you knew if you did so, it would only fuel his ego even further. He was well aware of the power he held over you, and running to him would only solidify the idea in his mind. Waiting to see if he would come over might do the same, but at least you would have the upper hand. By the time he showed up, your overwhelming need for him would have time to simmer. Then, you could give him a taste of his own medicine.

So you sat, sipping away at your wine, thinking that it wouldn’t be too difficult to wait it out. The closer the bottle got to empty, the more confident you felt about the situation. If he wanted to be an asshole, you could be, too. His request for more pictures would go unanswered, and he would have to give in. Even in your drunken state, you were aware of the power you had over him, too. Confidence did not equal satisfaction, though. You nursed the last of your wine until he showed up, or until you found something better to do, quickly realizing that time would not satisfy your craving for him. With every minute that passed, you hoped the feeling would fizzle away, but the more you ignored it, the worse it seemed to get.

Eventually, as you drained the last few drops of your glass for the second time (you had to make sure it was completely empty, of course), you heard a knock sound at the front door. A jolt of energy surged through you, realizing you had won the battle without putting any effort in at all. You stood, leaving the empty bottle on the table for decoration, and wasted no time following the sound of the knock. When you reached the front door, you ran your hand through your hair, straightening yourself out to look the best you could for him. Before opening the door, you ever so slightly peeked through the blinds.

In your drunken state, it seemed blatantly obvious that it was Jake standing outside. The tuft of brown hair that caught your eye was so familiar, immediately showering you with relief. But, if you looked for a moment longer, you might have clued in that opening the door in your current attire was a mistake. Had sobriety been in the question, you would have noticed the distinctive difference, how the body was taller, a bit more slender than the boy you were looking for. Maybe, it was possible you did notice, but we’re too blinded by excitement to cognitively understand that Jake was not the one knocking on your door. You wished to see him so badly that you overlooked any possibility of it not being him standing there.

When the door creaked open, you had a smirk on your lips, ready to throw his bluff back in his face. Instead of grasping the feeling of satisfaction for Jake’s failure, dread bled into every nerve in your body. It took a moment for both of you to understand exactly what scene you had found yourself in, but when you came back from the shock, you couldn’t even find the right words to express how you were feeling. Your limbs were frozen, unable to shut the door again and your heart was stuck in your throat. Sam’s wide eyes and parted lips showcased his matching emotions, also void of a proper response. Even in his complete surprise, he couldn’t help but feel his gaze drifting over every exposed part of you that was offered. If you wanted to be dramatic, you could even go as far as to say he was drooling at the sight of you.

After a moment of staring, you took a step to the side, covering as much of you as possible behind the solid door. “Do you greet everyone like that, or am I interrupting something?” He said, clearing his throat, joking to subtly to pass off his blatant gawking.

“Um, no… and no, I guess.” You squeaked, cheeks red enough to match the fabric that was barely concealing you.

“Expecting someone else?” The corner of his lip upturned into a smirk, finding humour in the awkward moment. He knew you were likely expecting his brother, but his cockiness allowed him to use the knowledge to his advantage.

“No,” you said after a long bout of silence, trying to sound confident. The alcohol was sending the devil in your head into a drunken rampage. Your plan to play into their game was bouncing around within your skull, urging you to take the embarrassing greeting and make it into something better. If Jake wasn’t willing to give you what you needed, you were sure that Sam would have no problem helping you out. If they wanted to involve you in their mess, you should have no issue using it for your own benefit. You were both playing with fire, but the heat was gradual; welcoming at first, and only burning you after the fact, once you were too far in to turn around.

“So I showed up at the perfect time, then?” Your anxiety washed away, even finding yourself able to produce a genuine smile at his ridiculously childish response. Your eyes drifted over his face, taking in the details of his expression. He had recovered from his nervous state, too, but his eyes were still glistening with appreciation at the beauty of you before him. You could have shut the door, turned him away with an apology and let the memory die, but his beauty was captivating, and you were drawn in by the way he was watching you. If you had found yourself in the situation with a lower blood-alcohol content, the whole thing would have been ridiculous and terribly wrong. Maybe it was the wine, or the brunch conversations that lead you to the conclusion in which you were headed towards. It didn’t matter, anyway, because you had already made up your mind. You didn’t want to turn him away; you were eager to let him inside.

“I think so.” You agreed, playing into him.

“Red’s your colour, princess.” He noted, trying to catch another glimpse of what you were trying to hide from him without being too obvious. Just another blatant show that Sam and Jake were in fact brothers, and brothers indeed. Too alike for their own good, and too foolish to see the problem. “You should wear it more often.” His voice was quiet, much different than his usual chipper tone that sounded through an entire room. You had never heard him speak in such a way, except for the small moment shared in your kitchen. It was enticing, perfectly alluring and dangerously gratifying.

“You should come in,” you stated, not as a request, but a fact. He watched you for a moment, attempting to convince himself that you were serious and not just pulling his leg. When you kept your composure, no hint of anything other than a genuine nature, he made a move towards you. Once he was inside, you closed the door behind him with little thought.

Perhaps too much carelessness for such a grave decision that would ultimately seal your fate.

Lousy lovers pick their prey

but they never cry out loud

TAGLIST: @itsdannysworld

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lovelyelbowleech · 1 month

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Hello!! I just wanted to come here and offer my thanks for blessing us with your masterpiece of a story. I have been reading it non stop for the past few days, literally unable to put it down, this is not an exaggeration 😭😭 your writing is so outstanding and amazing!!! I said this in a comment already but i cannot stress it enough! I feel so pulled into the story when reading, like im really there and experiencing all these emotions. I cant believe i get to read this for free!! All your characters are so well fleshed out and well written, and even though i only started for sokka and zuko, ive fallen in love with every other character and their story. Im on the edge of my seat at the end of every chapter! Honestly one of the best things I've ever read, no joke. Im on chpt 22, and i cannot wait to see how it will all progress, its literally giving me the will to live rn😭😭 and i cannot thank you enough for writing this!!!! I can never find the right words to express how much i love something or how much excitement it gives me but i need you to understand that as soon as i wake up this story is the first thing on my mind. I cannot wait to read it. Thank you!!

Thank you for such a nice ask and such kind words! I am really glad you are enjoying the fic so much! It has been a bit of an obsession for me the past few years 😅 And it is always lovely to hear people enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!

Thank you for this lovely message! I hope you continue to enjoy the fic!

#wargames #allsfair #ficasks

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vampyrsm · 2 years

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'The Forbidden Flame.' Chapter IV Prince Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

Synopsis: It's said that a dragonrider's emotions are connected to their dragon, but just how connected is Katsuki with his own? There’s worry of rejection, of potential heart break but perhaps not all is as bad as it may seem.

Warnings: Fluff, establishing feelings, a small amount of angst, worry about being rejected, dragons. Smut, MDNI, outdoor-ish sex, praise, gentle sex, virgin!reader.

Word Count: 7677.

[Glossary] | [Masterlist] | [Previous] | [Next]

"What do you mean you haven't ever tried a pomegranate?"

A soft giggle. "I mean, it's not something we'd be able to afford at the markets!"

Red eyes are narrowed in your direction, a slightly amused smile resting on his lips before he tosses another slice of tangerine into his mouth. "Well, now you're here, you can have all the pomegranate you could ever desire." Katsuki grins when you blush in his direction, trying your hardest to focus on your own bowl of fruit he had given you for breakfast this morning.

It had been like this for the last days, it was all unfurling rather quickly between the two of you but neither of you could pull back once you were engaged in conversation about literally anything. Katsuki had so many stories of his adventures on his dragon, all the wars he had won and you indulged him in the things he'd never experienced as a highborn son.

You hadn't left the Keep since the night Katsuki had taken you away from your father, you haven't even heard a word of what might've become of your father after the matter but you also didn't care, not much anyway. The man had since outgrown the role of a father in your mind, growing into someone you couldn't recognise anymore. You knew it wasn't entirely his fault, but you wouldn't suffer at his hand anymore.

A shift of metal armour had your eyes breaking away from Katsuki's to glance at the large man by the door, he didn't seem very happy when you met his gaze. Katsuki followed your eyes naturally, his smile instantly dropping into a deep frown when he saw the look on Kirishima's face. It had been a day since Katsuki had revealed—reluctantly, that is—the fact he was keeping you in his room until he knew what to do next.

Katsuki should've snapped at Kirishima when he allowed the man to speak freely, but he allowed Eijirou to express his concerns. It's not that the Commander hated you or anything, in fact, he had told Katsuki you were very pretty, earning him a nasty punch in the stomach. He was just worried about what his mother, what the King would think. It had never happened before for a highborn such as a Prince to get involved with a commoner, someone who had no house claims or even a plot of land to their name.

Kirishima just worried that the court would reject you, and ultimately rip Katsuki apart in the process. But being the stubborn man he is, Katsuki refused to accept such a possibility, he would be King someday—they would have to accept his choice of Queen, and he wouldn't give them a chance to reject you.

"Kirishima, do you really need to stand there like some giant rock?" Katsuki snips, snickering at the way Eijirou's eyes narrow towards his. He enjoys toying with a man who can't act out in front of guests. "Don't you have better things to do, like making sure Hanta and Denki don't trip over their own feet again when duelling?"

Kirishima keeps his composure, despite the need to point out the fact that Katsuki was the one who made the two men trip over their own feet when he called for Xol. "No, your Grace. I have nothing better than to stand here and watch you eat fruit all day."

Katsuki rolls his eyes, glancing back at you as you cover your mouth with the back of your hand to cover up the laugh that was bubbling in your throat. It was an odd relationship you noted between the two of them, they were more like best friends or even brothers with how they bickered. "Something amusing?" he grinned in your direction, watching the way you widened your eyes and shook your head.

"It's just, that the two of you bicker like an old married couple sometimes." Kirishima finally snorts but covers it up with a cough when Katsuki glares at him over his shoulder before snapping his gaze back to you.

"We do not." Katsuki snaps back, though the bite isn't quite there anymore, it hasn't been for quite some time. "Don't insult me, sweetheart, by pairing me with such a conceited fool." Kirishima makes an indignant noise in the background but Katsuki pays no mind when you finally let your laugh free, and it was like his entire world melted away as he listened to a song that he was sure could rival some of the prettiest songbirds in the world.

Maybe his mother was right about the curse.

You clear your throat, embarrassment clear on your face from the outburst of laughter and the fact the Prince was openly staring at you. Your eyes dart down to your fruit bowl, picking through it to find the ripest strawberry in the bunch. All the whilst Katsuki's heart is racing, something is telling him to listen to his mother's words. This curse, could he break it? If he could break it, perhaps his family would finally be free from the wounds of the old King.

"I want to show you something." he blurts abruptly as you pop a grape into your mouth, your eyebrows are raised at how he practically spat the sentence at you. "I think you'd like it." Kirishima in the background has to lower his head to stop the smile on his face from showing when you glance towards Kirishima to see what was wrong with the Prince and why he was acting like a bashful teenage boy.

"I'd love nothing more, your G—" Katsuki glares at you, "—Katsuki." you correct yourself quickly and he lets out an amused breath before standing up, taking your near-empty bowl from your hands and offering you a hand to help you up from the bay window you were both perched in. The warmth of his hand engulfs you whole as it had every other time the two of you had shared fleeting accidental touches, it set your blood alight and made your bones ache with longing to feel what it'd be like to be wrapped up in him entirely.

But his hand slips from yours, his fingertips brushing against your own for a second before he turns to Kirishima. "Kirishima, I need you to keep the Pit free from any visitors," and he's moving around the room, swiping up his thick black cloak before it sits heavy on his shoulders. "That means my father and mother, do not let them near that pit."

Kirishima gapes at the impossible command, "I can't disobey the King or the Queen!" moving aside when Katsuki yanks the large door open, ushering you out in front of him, admiring the new dress he had managed to wrangle Mina into getting for him just a few days before. "Why would you ask of me such an impossible task, your Grace!"

"Figure it out, Eijirou. You always have, and you'll do it again!" Katsuki shouts back down the hall, the black cotton of his cloak billowing around his boots with each of his strong wide strides. The sound of your quick steps next to him makes his stomach tighten, he had grown so used to the solitude and to the sound of his boots echoing the halls but when paired with steps that are as light as yours, he feels whole.

"The Pit?" you finally question, and Katsuki glances over his shoulder at you with a smile. "You don't mean the Dragon pit, do you?"

"Scared, sweetheart?" his smile grows mischievous, like a young boy who was luring his friends into a trap. "I promised you the day we met that nothing would happen to you, you're safe when with me. Understood?" and you could hear it in his tone that he had meant to keep that promise for as long as he shall live, so you return his gentle smile and nod your head.

The path he takes you on in order to get out of the castle is long and tedious, it was much easier to sneak you into the Keep in the dead of night but with it being the morning, the place was practically alive with the number of people rushing around to get everything in order for the King and whatever he may have planned for the day.

Katsuki offered his hand back to you when you both stopped at a corner that would allow you both to enter the courtyard, "Ready to run again, pretty?", his fingers intertwining with your own to secure you don't get left behind when he starts to run again. His hand was gentle in the way it held yours, he didn't want the moment to come when he'd have to let your hand go.

"Always ready, my prince." you grin, matching the playful glint in his eye and he squeezes your hand gently twice before turning to glance back out around the corner. You can faintly hear the sounds of footsteps and someone talking, and then you're being yanked forward and around the corner with a yelp. You have to adapt quickly to the pace that Katsuki sets, clinging to his hand like your life depends on it.

"—and then I'd like for..." the feminine voice quiets down at the sound of running feet, soft garnet eyes blinking in confusion as she turned around just in time to see her son... and a girl? being pulled through the open doors, startling a servant who was carrying a fresh basket of vegetables. "Was that my son?" she asks to the wide-eyed woman next to her, Mina looks a little sheepish when she looks back at the Queen.

"I think so, your Majesty." Mina immediately looks away at the arched eyebrow offered by Mitsuki, and that just makes the Queen smirk. Mitsuki hasn't forgotten her conversation with her son, and he had been holed up in his room for the last week or so avoiding his family entirely, she figured he'd either been forced to stay there by Eijirou or he had found someone who made him question himself.

...

"I think the Queen might've seen us," you finally tell Katsuki when he pulls you up onto the back of his horse, forcing your arms to lock tightly around his midsection. You feel the grunt that comes from him before you hear it, pressing your cheek firmly against his back when he dug his heels in to kick the horse off into a canter.

"Does it matter?" he asks finally, his voice loud against your ear. Did it matter? It sure didn't to Katsuki, he wasn't going to listen to what his family had to say about his choice. But did it matter to you? Why would it? Were you worried about something happening? "Even if it did matter, they can't do anything to you."

You hum, not quite believing his words. He still was just a prince, he wasn't exactly above the royal duty of wedding a wealthy wife who would provide him, and the realm, with a healthy line of children. "I suppose it doesn't matter much then." you offer in return, hands curling into the material of his shirt to ensure you didn't fall off of the back of the horse.

The ride to the Pandemonium wasn't quite as long as you might think, but then again it was the Prince. People moved out of his way out of fear of being trampled on by his horse, or worse. You heard the clamouring of people before you saw them, your head peeking out from the side of Katsuki's arm just in time to see the people who usually tend to the Dragons pushing things out of the Princes' way, all of their faces read that they weren't expecting him today.

"Your Grace!" someone yelled, and Katsuki grunted when he brought the horse to a stop. Gently prying your hands from your shirt before slipping down from the saddle, eyes honed in on you and only you as the man next to him continues to trip over his own tongue. "We weren't expecting you today. Xol isn't saddled—"

"Don't need him saddled, is he in his pen?" He speaks of the thing as if it were just a farm animal, like a horse that he can just go visit. Katsuki holds his hands up to you, letting your hands wrap around his wrists and his around your forearms as he gently helps you hop down once you swing your leg over the horse saddle. "Just keep the pit empty, I don't want any interruptions that could set Xol or any of them off. Got it?" He asks when turning to look at the man, still holding one of your hands in his.

The man offers a glance towards you, a little wide-eyed at the request but nonetheless nods his head and turns to order the rest of the workers around. "No one in the pit at all? Won't the other dragons need tending to?" you finally ask once his horse is taken away by someone, and he's ushering you towards the mouth of the cave you had entered not even two weeks ago.

It's much quieter once you both enter the large tunnel, just the sound of boots crunching against the loose stones that had fallen from above. "They'll be fine, they're probably not even in the pit today. Xol is, though."

"How can you tell?" you do wonder how he can know if a dragon is in or not, are Dragonriders bonded to their dragons more than just master and dragon? It would make sense as to why the Bakugou's have had control over the reptilian beasts for more than a millennium.

Katsuki sighs softly, finally looking down to meet your gaze. "Do you remember how I told you of the dragon egg in my quarters?" you nod in response, "Well, Xol hatched for me when I was gifted it for my second nameday. It opened a bond between the two of us, something unbreakable. I can feel his emotions, and he, mine."

You're staring up at him with big wide eyes, it sounds like something out of a children's bedtime story. "Does he.. can you hear his thoughts? Do dragons think like us?" and he gently chuckles at the child-like fascination, though they are very valid questions from someone who had never ventured out of their father's iron grasp in all of their years.

"Thankfully, no, I can't imagine what it'd be like to hear him constantly growling about wanting something to eat at all hours of the night." he smiles when you do at his joke, your small laugh lighting the fire inside his belly once again. The walk isn't much longer, it's a different route to the one you had taken on the cart with Izuku, the remembrance of the man making your stomach twist uncomfortably.

The long stone tunnel he leads you down is much smaller, more man-made which leads you to believe this is what the workers use often to get to the 'pens', as Katsuki called them, of the dragons. The oil lanterns are all well lit, helping you relax just that little bit more despite knowing you're going to be face-to-face with a Dragon in no less than a few minutes.

As if sensing your apprehension, Katsuki squeezes your hand softly with his own to draw your attention back to him. "Nothing will happen, I assure you." you're sure he must be sick with having to reassure you every few seconds but nevertheless, you smile back and offer a soft "thank you" in return. In truth, Katsuki is just as nervous as you are. Not because he worries something may happen to you, or him, but because the bond with his dragon is much deeper than what he had explained.

If Xol were to reject you, to not see you in the same way Katsuki does then it would break the young prince's heart because he would have to inevitably detach himself from you. But he doesn't have much longer to think about it when he stops in front of a door he had stood before many times before, but never once has his stomach been doing flips before he opened it.

"Stay by my side, I'll approach first."

You nod, and he opens the door slowly after reluctantly dropping your hand from his own. He steps through, true to his word of being first, and you can't see much until he pushes the door slightly more open for you to come in too. You duck under his arm before halting in the pitch black cave, there are no lamps yet you can feel something is watching you from the darkness.

Katsuki tucks you just behind him once the door closes, engulfing the two of you entirely in the darkness that seems to move once the door shuts with a loud bang. The whoosh of air blowing the ends of your dress around before it all fell silent, unnaturally so. Katsuki was still just in front of you, one of his arms jutted out slightly to stop you from moving out in front of him. The tense silence is making you more nervous, had the Prince led you here as a trap? No, he wouldn't do that, right?

There's a long dragging sound somewhere in the back of the cave, the sound of something sharp scraping against stone. "Stop hiding in the shadows, you know I can tell you're there." Katsuki finally shouts into the abyss, his tone is almost jovial, was this how he often communicated with a fire-breathing beast? You don't notice until the warmth disappears in front of you as Katsuki steps forward, seeming to pull on something on a pillar that you hadn't noticed before.

You squint at the sudden light of the fire that relit all the lamps along the walls, seemingly Katsuki had pulled on some mechanism to trigger it. It's like something out of a nightmare as the small flickering flames come to life one at a time until it reveals what is probably bigger than any ship you had ever seen in the port. You blink with owlishly big eyes at the beast that's looming over the both of you, a display of threat if the click of the tongue Katsuki gives in reprimand is anything to go by. "Stop it. She's not a threat."

The dragon shifts its gaze down to Katsuki once he speaks, and seems to lower itself down a little from its hunched position allowing you to get a much better look at it. Its eyes are locked onto Katsuki but you can see the dark ebony eyes that sit tightly within the creature's horned, hard skull, which gives the dragon a rather intimidating-looking appearance. Several large horns sit atop its head, just above its tiny pointy ears that you might've assumed were horns if they didn't twitch when Katsuki scratched along its jaw as if it were a pet dog.

Its nose is flat and has two narrow, pointy nostrils and there's a horn on its chin that Katsuki seemingly avoids well when scratching Xol. Two huge teeth poke from the side of its mouth to give a slight hint at the terror hiding inside. You're pulled from your blatant staring when Katsuki glances over at you, beckoning you with a free hand. "C'mon."

You hesitate when the dragon's eyes seem to lock directly onto you when you shift a foot forward, its nostrils flaring and a low rumbling noise coming from somewhere deep in its chest. Katsuki continues to gesture you forward with his fingers despite all of that, and you have to put all of your trust in him that he really is bonded to the dragon and knows what those sounds must mean. The walk towards him feels like it's miles long, the heat coming from the large beast blowing your hair and dress back with each outward breath it takes.

Katsuki steps a little backwards, keeping a hand just on the edge of Xol's jaw before tucking you into his front. "Put your hand here," he whispers into your ear, gently grabbing your wrist to guide your hand until it's pressed flat against a part of the dragon's jaw and you look up hesitantly to see its eyes are still on you, and the pupils are blown entirely wide making his eye sockets look almost hollow.

Now up close, you can see more of its body that was tucked just beyond. A muscular neck runs down from its head and into a large body. The top is covered in coarse rough skin, and rows of sharp yet small spikes run down its spine. Two muscular back limbs and two large wings carry its body and allow the creature to stand intimidating and mighty, yet it is laid almost entirely on its stomach like a gigantic cat. A scrape of something causes your eyes to immediately dash down to its two back legs, the large talons shifting slightly against the stone and you're certain just one of them is the size of you alone.

The talons disappear behind its massive wings that seemingly started to grow from just above its shoulders and end all the way down by its pelvis. The wings are angular from what you can tell, a specialised layer of skin is all that's visible and a singular large sharp claw grows from the tip of each wing, like massive spears.

Katsuki continues to hold you to his chest, peering over your head as you continue to inspect his dragon and that nervousness is back but for a different reason. Is it possible to reject a dragon? What then? He catches Xol's gaze when that thought flits through his mind, the dragon seeming to catch onto the nerves that are whipping their way through his body and huffs heavily, steam blowing from the large nostrils making you gasp loudly and forcing yourself back into Katsuki's chest.

"He's just breathin', I got you, you're okay," he whispers into your hair, arm tight around your body to hold you securely.

You swallow thickly, shaky hand still resting against the heated scales. Finally, you notice the colouring of the dragon, the black and red seem so familiar. Of course, you had seen this dragon flying over Dragon's Perch thousands of times before but something else in your mind is telling you that there's more to this—

"It was you." you breathe, and Katsuki readjusts his head slightly to make sure he heard you right. "You saved my life." Xol makes a low rumbling noise again, but now you can tell it's less like a growl and more of a... purr?

You turn to look up at Katsuki, drinking in his reaction to your words. He looks entirely clueless. "You saved my life, a long time ago. You were involved in the war in the North when the tribes came down from the mountains." The more you speak, the more you can see some sort of recognition filling his eyes and his eyebrows raise up. "You probably don't rememb—"

"The field of fire lilies, I remember." he cuts you off, a far-away look in his eye as he stares at his dragon. "I remember because I realised I had never seen a field of wild lilies until that day, and that I had to burn it down in the same thought." his gaze finally moves back down to you when you remain quiet at his admission, his own expression mirroring your own; undoubtedly soft.

It's like you get lost in one another eyes the longer you stare, the warmth radiating from the draconic beast just behind you enveloping you both entirely and shutting you off from the rest of the world. "I always wanted to say thank you for saving my life, but I thought I'd never have a chance to breathe the same air as a Dragonrider, never mind speak to one," you whisper, and your eyes struggle to focus from just how close Katsuki had suddenly become, his lips just ghosting over your own.

"..So thank you, Katsuki, for saving my life that day." you whisper, hardly audible from how close both of your lips are and you feel the quirk of his lips as he smiles at your gratitude. His hands have slipped away from the dragon, as have yours, and you're both entirely wrapped up in each other before there's a large gust of hot wind that snaps the tension in the air in two, making you squeal and hide in Katsuki's chest.

Katsuki glares up at Xol who is standing to his full height, turning effortlessly in the large open space and retreating back to what must be his "nest", large tail dragging behind him. You watch from the safety of Katsuki's chest as Xol moves so majestically. "Did I upset him?"

He laughs a little, rumbling against your ear as his arms squeeze a little around you. "Quite the opposite, he wants to give us our privacy." you flush at the meaning behind his words, staring at Xol who flares a wing to cover over the entirety of its body once it had curled up into the nest it made for itself. "Come, let's go elsewhere before we upset the big snake."

The reaction is immediate, a low yet loud rumbling roar coming from the opposite end of the cave that shakes the foundations, small rocks falling from the ceiling but Katsuki seems anything but worried as he glares at the dragon. "Fine! We're leaving!" he offers, only getting a lower growl in return that seems definitely more of a warning than anything.

You're ushered back out of the pen, the door shutting behind you and you shiver at the difference in heat. You hadn't even realised just how warm it was in there compared to out in the open tunnel. Something heavy is dropped over your shoulders before you're engulfed in the smell of something smoky, looking up in time just to see Katsuki tying the small string around your neck to ensure the cloak didn't slip off. "Sorry," he apologises, but you're not quite sure what for. "I forget not everyone runs quite as warm as I."

"Oh, thank you," you smile once his hands leave the string to pat down the large material. It was more of a decorative cape on Katsuki given his stature but on you, he can't help but crack a grin at how it engulfs you entirely. "What?" you look down at yourself, the ends of the cloak are bunched on the floor and hidden your feet entirely.

"Nothing, you look beautiful," he admits, his cheeks burning a soft scarlet when he meets your gaze. Katsuki clears his throat, turning on his heel and offering you an arm to cling onto. "Come on, I want to show you something else."

Instead of teasing him for his comment, you let your hands hook around his bicep and allow him to lead you further away from the pen that held Xol. Whilst next to him like this, drowning in his cloak and the warmth that burned under your hands even through his clothes, it felt as if you had known him for a lifetime and you never wanted that feeling to stop. He made you feel happiness, something you hadn't felt in a very long time. He made you feel safe, and content, and you could see that he was determined to ensure you felt like that for the rest of your life as long as you were by his side.

Perhaps this is where you belong.

The click of a metal door and a gentle breeze blowing back the cloak Katsuki had given you dragged you from your thoughts, you squinted a little at the sudden adjustment of going from lamp light to daylight. It seemed to be a wide-open area, wide enough for a dragon to come and go if they wish but it was completely empty from what you could tell. Whatever dragon may sleep here was not around, and that made you relax a little more as you walked in through the door behind Katsuki who was quick to reassume the hold you had on his arm as he led you inwards.

"Is this home to one of the other dragons?" you ask once he leads you to the edge of the cave that overlooks the sea, ships in the distance in the shipping lanes as they go to and fro from Besouris.

Katsuki hums, loosening his arm from your hands before slipping behind you again to wrap you up entirely in his hands. You had noticed he was much more hands-on when he was away from the prying eyes of his guards, and away from the threat of his Mother barging in. "It used to be." his voice is soft, and quiet as he holds you close to him. "This is where Shytha used to nest before she was killed."

You turn as much as you can in his grasp, meeting his gaze as he looks down at you. "Killed? I didn't know dragons could be killed.", it's true, most people if not all people believed Dragons were creatures that couldn't be killed in ways a human could but rather they died of old age when the time was right.

The Prince swallows thickly, his arms squeezing around your midsection before he continues, "Yeah, happened when my uncle was killed fourteen years ago." and you can tell it's a touchy subject for him, the way his jaw tightens slightly and his eyes glaze over slightly. "Dragons are connected to their riders, my uncle was vulnerable and that left Shytha vulnerable too. She was shot out of the sky trying to get to my uncle."

Your fingers stroke along his arms, you hadn't heard of a story like that. You had heard of course about the death of the King's brother, he wasn't liked by a lot of the realm but he still left quite the impression when he waged wars on nations who refused to bend the knee to the crown. "I'm sorry," is all you can offer, you're not quite sure how you can comfort him more than by saying sorry. He didn't seem like the type who wanted pity.

Katsuki shook his head, eyes finally meeting yours properly and the molten red softened immediately when he saw the way you were looking up at him, "No need to say sorry, it's all in the past now." The angle he's looking down at you from is a little awkward but he still lowers his face down just enough to brush his nose against your own to test the waters, when you don't move to pull away but instead brush your nose back against his he takes that as a sign that he's finally allowed to do what he's wanted since the day he saw you.

His lips press against yours, and it's entirely different to what you had thought of when envisioning what the Prince may be like as a kisser. It's much softer than you anticipated, almost hesitant like he's scared of hurting you or scaring you away if he were to let himself go fully. It's just a soft peck at first before he immediately goes in for another, and then another that gets slightly heavier and breathier.

Your body is manoeuvred around effortlessly until your front was pressed impossibly close to his own, his hands on either side of your face as he tilted your head back just enough to allow him to kiss you as if he was consuming you whole. Your hands fisted against the side of his shirt, tugging on the material when the lack of oxygen got a little too much and he was very attentive to your wordless requests already.

"Was that too much?" he asks, barely above a whisper and his eyes are half-lidded when they meet your own again. He's still yet to back up out of your space but he can't bring himself to leave it quite yet, this is where he belongs he thinks.

You shake your head, a warm smile ghosting your lips and he smiles automatically at the way your lips brush against his own. "No, if anything it wasn't quite enough." and then he grins, all wide and boyish and you think he looks much younger like this, more carefree as if he hasn't got the future of the entire realm on his shoulders, as if he weren't a prince and you weren't some commoner.

"Yeah... I think so too," he murmurs back before his lips are back on yours, and it's entirely different to the first kiss(es) he had offered. He's pressing with much more force, sharpened canines pinching at your bottom lip until you give way and let his tongue meet in the middle with your own. The way his tongue brushed against your own was just as gentle as the kiss, but somehow all that more consuming as he held you in place.

A whimper is what broke him away from you for a second, his eyes reopening to meet yours but it was like his eyes were consumed entirely by the black of his pupil, it reminded you of the dragon you had been face-to-face with not too long ago. Your stomach dipped before butterflies erupted, a man had never looked at you this way before—with so much devotion, so much hunger, and so much love.

His hands slid down from their place on your neck, leaving a trailing blaze of heat even through your layers of clothing as he slid them down until they laid on the back of your thighs, placing his head unnaturally below your own but the way he was looking up at you was as if you were the royalty in the situation; as if you had painted the night skies and helped raise the sun every morning. It took no effort on his half to haul you up, a grin on his face from the tiny yelp you let out and you latched onto him naturally.

The descent to the floor was smooth, Katsuki slowly lowering himself down onto both of his knees until he was leaning forward with a hand against the back of your head and holding onto one of your thighs that were wrapped deathly tight around his waist until you were met with the stone floor. The thickness of both the cloak and dress provides enough cushioning to know you won't be terribly uncomfortable here for a while.

Your eyes were locked to his, unable to break the contact even when he leaned back up and brushed a hand down the front of your body to untie the small string of the cloak and then down along the smooth material of your dress until he found the lace that was holding the corset together. You paid no mind to how he was most definitely more experienced than you as he pulled once, twice, and then the upper part of your dress was undone enough for him to see the natural bounce of your breasts as they were released.

His eyes finally break away from yours to look down, helping you shimmy your way out of the dress until you were entirely bare for him and it was like nothing he had ever experienced before. Despite being a man who was no stranger to sex, this was like the first time he had ever felt his entire body set alight with excitement, and pure lust that was laced with dashes of adoration.

"You're so beautiful," he breathes as if it were second nature to say such a thing and he's sure it is. He can't lie when it comes to you. His fingers are gentle as they traverse down the expanse of your chest, brushing over your nipples to let them pebble before he's continuing on his venture down until he reaches your hips. The groan he lets out is low, and more akin to a growl that rumbles in his chest when he sees just how pretty you are between your thighs, untouched and all his.

"I feel awfully undressed here," you laugh a little, but the way your eyes are a little wide with clear nerves has Katsuki snapping back into reality, and you really do laugh when you see him try to yank his shirt off up over his head with so much haste you hear the material rip a little before it's thrown somewhere to the side to be forgotten about until later.

"Fuck, sorry, I—" he runs his tongue over his bottom lip when he spies your chest rising and falling just a little faster, and he doesn't hold back in unbuckling his belt, the loud clank of the sheath for his sword hitting the stone before he shoves it away with his trousers and he's just as bare as you are. "You're just so beautiful, couldn't help myself."

He wastes no time reassuming his place over the top of you, his forearms on either side of your head forcing you to meet his gaze. His thighs spread just slightly to force your own legs up and over his hips before he leans down, laying kisses that become heavier and heavier until you're gasping at the feeling of his cock brushing up against your clit from the way he instinctively rolled his hips forward.

Your fingers brush against his cheek, your thumb against his bottom lip and he makes you gasp again with an experimental rut, it's gentle but enough to send a jolt of electricity up your spine. "Do you trust me?" he whispers, laying a kiss on your thumb once he meets your gaze again and he can see the apprehension, you're worried about it being your first time, about him hurting you.

"Of course, always." and he lays another kiss on your thumb before smiling, the loss of one of his arms next to you reopening you to the world he had shut the two of you out of until you felt his hand between the two of you, and the way he drags the tip of his weeping cock up and down your wet slit is much more deliberate with the help of his hand.

"Just breathe for me, okay?" is all you get before he's angling himself downwards, the head catching onto your entrance and immediately it's like a hot wave of pain rushes over you from your pelvis and upwards making your toes curl and face crumple in discomfort. "Breathe, beautiful, promise it'll be fine once you relax..."

He watches the way you nod, your eyes still squeezing closed but he can feel your muscles relax in your legs before he slides a little deeper with a gentle rut of his hips. The shallow thrusts were infuriating but he knew he had to take it slow, he couldn't hurt you, he wouldn't. So the shallow thrusts would suffice until he was able to show you just how much you meant to him. He decides to distract you with gentle tight circles against your clit which has your lips parting to release the most beautiful symphony of sounds he had ever heard in his life.

"Doing so good f'r me," he mumbles against your cheek, laying gentle kisses along the heated flesh until he ducks down to your neck and lets his tongue lave over the pounding beat of your heart which has you gasping again, allowing him just that little distraction to roll his hips forward in a full thrust until he was pressed snuggly up against your hips. Your fingers were latched onto his shoulders, nails digging into him that he was certain to draw blood at this point but he couldn't bring himself to care, not when your eyes reopened to meet his completely glazed over with a look that he figures is what you must look like when you're drunk on the stretch of his fat cock.

He realises he might just love this look on your face a little too much.

Instead of giving into the primal desire to ruin you, he lets his body relax just a little and holds himself above you whilst you yourself relax around him, but the way you're fluttering and practically throbbing around him is making it extremely difficult to think of anything but bullying his way deep inside of your pussy. "How're you feeling? Is it too much?" he asks in a quiet voice, something you had rarely heard on a man as big and loud as Katsuki Bakugou.

"'m okay, just stings," you smile up at him to reassure him that you're being truthful. "Just be gentle, okay? For me," you say with a gentle hand against his cheek, and he turns naturally to press a long kiss to the palm of your hand.

"I'd do anything for you," and he says your name like a prayer, so soft and gentle yet filled with more devotion than any man who has prayed to the Gods. "Let me take care of you, yeah?" and when you nod your head, biting on your bottom lip to stop the loud moan that escapes you when he pulls his hips back enough to leave you feeling somehow empty without him buried deep inside of you before he's rolling his hips forward fluidly, your entire body moving with the force behind his thrust.

His own moan is soft, barely above the sound of his heavy breathing but it's enough to make your stomach tighten, he looks beautiful with the way he's tensed over you and eyes locked between your legs to watch himself disappear between your legs with each gentle roll of his hips.

Your gentle hands on his jaw redirect his attention to your face, and he's immediately curling over you until his forehead is pressed against your own and you can feel the heavy pants against your face as he loses himself entirely in the sensation of finally having you in the most primal of ways. "More," you whisper on his lips, before pressing a heavy kiss to them and the muffled groan is still loud enough to vibrate its way up his throat.

The near-growl is all you get before he's throwing his hips with a little bit more power behind them, the wet slapping growing louder and louder and you might've been a little ashamed of it if you were worried about someone being close enough to hear just how aroused the Prince makes you but out here, with just the sounds of the sea and the distant toll of bells in the main city of Corvos, you simply cannot find it within you to care when you part ways from the kiss and let out a loud moan, encouraging the blonde that he was doing everything correctly.

Katsuki was paying a lot of attention to how you were fluttering around him, the twitch of your stomach and the way your thighs reflexively tensed—you were close. "Cum for me, my love, give yourself to me entirely." his eyes meet with yours again, and instead of the black of his pupils you're completely enveloped by the burning red of his irises like you were staring directly into an open flame of the most beautiful fire.

Your stomach tightened unbelievably so, the knot fraying until it snapped and you were cumming around his cock with a gasping moan like it was being ripped from your lungs forcibly from how intense it felt. Katsuki's eyes rolled back despite the urge to watch the expression on your face, you were clamping down on him impossibly harder and his hips struggled to keep up the rhythm. He had to pull out, he knew that. But the burning of this fire lit under him was impossible to douse, he wanted to have you in every single way possible and there was no other way in his mind currently than to ensure you were full with his seed, to make sure you were his forever.

His lips pressed against yours harshly, eliciting a gentle whimper to escape between the gasping kisses he kept laying onto you until his entire body seized up and the loveliest of moans escaped his mouth against his will, a mixture of a growl that pitched into a whine and then you felt his cock twitch deep inside, the head pressed hard against the deepest part of you. The warmth that followed after felt like molten lava, splashing and heating up your insides as Katsuki continued to roll his hips in shallow thrusts until he stilled once again, large body draped over yours with the help of his arms holding him up.

Finally, he lowered himself down and rolled himself to your side before scooping you up against his chest. The softness of the black cloak draped over the both of you as you both basked in the afterglow of the small slice of heaven you had both shared and the gentle breeze that rolled in from the sea.

"Shouldn't we head back to the Keep?" you ask gently after a moment, and Katsuki huffs out a breath against the crown of your head before pressing a singular kiss to your hair.

"Not just yet, no one will disturb us here." and so you relax against him, head against his chest and you can hear the pounding of his heart still beating the pattern of itself against his ribcage and you're certain yours is no different but it's not from the worry of being caught with the man naked in some abandoned dragon pit, but rather because you've come to the realisation that you're completely enraptured by the man, and you'd have it no other way.

[Glossary] | [Masterlist] | [Previous] | [Next]

credit for the background image/banner: @vampyrsm please do not plagiarise, or recommend my work to places such as TikTok.

#bakugo katuski x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugo katsuki x you #bakugou katsuki x you #bnha fanfiction #katsuki x you #bakugo x you #bnha x you #bnha x self insert #katsuki imagine #mha fantasy au #fantasy au #long fic #series #The Forbidden Flame #'The Forbidden Flame'

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violottie · 19 days

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I cant stress enough how much bi lesbians and bi lesbian discourse flared up my SO-ocd, I was fine for a few months and then I returned to this side of tumblr and I get reminded of them. One of my worst fears is that I am somehow a “bi lesbian” or if after all these years of questioning and finally coming to the conclusion that I’m a lesbian I’ll turn out to be straight in the end. Idk if I should have stayed on the art side of tumblr but where else do I find other lesbians??? I wish I could go back to when I didn’t know “bi lesbians” existed it was easier back then. Apparently the only thing to make intrusive thoughts subside is to be like “so what if I’m not a lesbian, who cares” but I cant do that. I wanna go back to when I didn’t know there were people who deliberately fake being gay because that’s also one of my fears,, even though when I realized I was a lesbian it felt like I REALIZED it rather than chose it

(this is gonna be long but it's very important to talk about so just a heads up on that)

i am so so sorry to hear this, and im infuriated that these fucking creeps in the "community" have caused not only so much blatant lesbophobia to spread but also have caused so much harm to lesbians.

i am right with you because ive been through, and still go through sometimes, what you're experiencing. its terrifying that all this bullshit can snowball and make any doubts we lesbians already have from living in this heterosexual patriarchal society double and multiply even more viciously.

my internalised lesbophobia has worsened also. i doubt myself alot and more often thanks to all this bs. its... i dont even have words to express how damaging lesbophobia, especially from within the "community", is.

it causes harm and trauma and pain and suffering for lesbians, but all these stupid juvenile shits just think it doesnt matter because "uwu theyre so kweer and cool now"

it sucks... but i need you to know it is not your fault that you feel this way.

no matter what anyone inside or outside the community says, and no matter what your spiralling thoughts might make you believe as a result of lesbophobia inside and outside the community, you are not straight, you are not a "bi lesbian", you are not bisexual. you are a lesbian.

i know it is so so hard to just say but i promise you, nothing they say will ever ever change the reality of your lesbianism. i promise you.

it hurts, and its beyond infuriating to have to share space with these disrespectful bastards who coopt our lived experience for a moment of attempted self-actualisation, and that pain deserves to be acknowledged and soothed, not pushed away.

i wish i could give you a hug rn honestly because this shit just fucking sucks. i too wish i could go back to the time when these idiots werent even a concept in my mind or memory, but if there is any advice i can give you to help ease the torment of this constant barrage, it is this:

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

1) know, for a fact, that nothing anyone, and i mean ANYONE says and no matter how loud they say it, will ever change the lived and exact reality of your innate sexuality.

nothing will ever magic away your lesbianism. it is wired into you, it IS you, a very central part of your personhood. that is not something that any words, especially words shat out of the asshole of a dickhead child on the internet, can ever change.

im not disregarding the hurt, im just reminding you that who you are, who you truly are, cannot change because of the words that hurt. especially because you know deep down that those words are not true.

because being a lesbian is who you are. it is not a quota to reach, or what you do, it is who we are. innately. you know where your natural attactions lie, what genders draw your attraction exclusively and without effort. you know that deep down. we are literally born this way. words cannot change that.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

2) the best thing to do whenever you accidentally glimpse said bullshit is to block them and focus on uplifting the actual lesbian community.

lesbians community is such an integral lifeline, i cannot emphasise the sheer importance of enough.

these idiots are, after all, idiots and do not deserve your energy, your time or your pain. they will never matter, and the truth is, they only exist on the internet among weirdos who have no sense of self so seek it by stealing bits and pieces from other peoples personal experience and identity.

they are and always will be inauthentic, unlike you.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

3) find and focus on the joy of your lesbianism individually and in lesbian community with other lesbians.

We lesbians are blessed to experience the best kind of human life possible: lesbianism.

our sexuality is bold and strong and proud and beautiful and brilliant and effervescent. it is perfect and brave and worthy of honor and praise and celebration and respect.

our community of lesbians is just as exquisite as we are individually. we are diverse and divine. every butch, femme, stud, stone, masc and feminine lesbian; every trans woman, transmasc, transfem and nonbinary lesbian; every black and brown and lesbian of color; every aromantic, asexual, aroace, non-partnering and polyamourous lesbian; every lesbian of every age and race is so overflown with wisdom and joy and love and brilliance. there is nothing more empowering as a lesbian and nothing that strengthens lesbian pride more than being in a community of lesbians and finding joy in ourselves through each other.

and im not just saying this to be mushy. i mean it. lesbians are divine, and thus, you are also divine.

you are perfect as a lesbian because you ARE a lesbian. you are incredible and intelligent and brilliant and brave.

nothing will change the brilliance of who you are, and in everything you are as a lesbian, you have a universe of lesbians who have been, who are and who will be, all of whom have not only been through the same and similar demeaning bs from the same kind of lesbophobic idiots, but they fought it back and survived and lived and thrived as lesbians.

you are just as strong as every lesbian who has been and is. and you are not alone. i promise you.

i am slowly rebuilding the community of lesbians on this blog that i had on my old one, but i promise you, on my blog you are safe. i swear, i will always always put lesbians first here, and that includes you. i will always defend and support and celebrate lesbians first here, and here you will find many other lesbians who will do the same.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

i know this was long, im sorry about that but i just need you to know that i see and feel your pain with you, and i need you to know that you arent going through it alone, and you are not alone.

we lesbians have always stuck together to defend and fight for one another, we have always survived, we have always been here, and we always will be.

i hope this reassures you in some way, and know you're always welcome and safe here ❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

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dreamersparacosm · 2 years

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What about Austin xpregnant reader. And she like faints and they find her and take to the hospital and he’s so scared.

can’t live without you - austin butler

note ; not me literally saying i was done with blurbs. might have to turn blurb night into blurb day considering i won’t have a full imagine up by sunday… ANYWAY austin is the cutest baby angel and u know he’s so overprotective about you and your baby (unborn or not) akdjdjdkdjd

warnings ; mentions of blood, angst, pregnancy

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

austin didn’t really have many things in life to be scared of. he had money, he had a secure job, and most importantly, he had you. now, you were the best thing to ever happen to him. well, beside the little seed that was growing inside of you. a token of his love had planted itself inside your womb. you two didn’t want to have kids yet, freshly married, but he got carried away one night and, suddenly, he was about to be a father.

but, he had one thing to be scared of.

and that was losing you.

he had found you sprawled on the bathroom floor, fresh blood clinging to your pants. he was paralyzed with fear, the unthinkable rushing into his brain. he saw your swollen belly moving up and down, and he couldn’t help the relief that washed over him. you were alive, somewhat. but, with shaky hands and tears in his eyes, he called 911. “please, seed. please don’t kill mommy,” he felt guilty for even saying it.

he had called your baby girl ‘seed’ ever since he found out the news. at first, you thought it sounded idiotic. but, you grew to love it, as he grew to love being a father. as his eyes watched paramedics carry you out of your shared apartment, he felt as if he was in a daze. his body trembled, mouth dry as he sat beside you in the ambulance. his hand never let go of yours for a second.

you had finally awoken near the end of the ride, scared and confused. you asked what happened, hoping for some comfort, only to take note of the blood. you looked at austin for answers, but he had none. he always had the answers. yes, you were awake, and yes, you were fine. but, what about seed?

and even now, in your hospital bed, with several iv’s poking into you, austin still couldn’t shake the feeling of sheer panic. he was by your bedside, aimlessly flicking through television channels. “baby, are you alright?” you noticed the dead look in his eyes.

“yeah, yeah, i’m good, my love,” he barely looked at you, giving your hand a squeeze. you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. seed was fine. you were fine. everything was okay. but, in austin’s head, nothing was okay. he had finally experienced the fear of losing you, and it was one of the most terrifying experiences of his life.

he couldn’t let it happen again.

the emotions hit him like a train. before he knew it, sobs wracked his entire body, body shaking with fear. you tried to sit up as much as you could, coaxing him into your hospital bed to lay with you. “baby, i’m okay. we’re okay, i promise,” you kissed the top of his head. “i’m not going anywhere.”

he let a few more cries out, hugging you tight enough to cut off your circulation. “i-i just- i can’t lose you. that was the scariest moment of my life, seeing you lie there, not knowing if you were dead or alive. a-and if i lose you, i’ll never come back from that.”

“i know, baby,” you spoke gently. “i’ll do my best to stay alive if you do too. i can’t live without you either.”

he nodded like a toddler who had just been scolded for eating a chocolate bar. he knew his fears were irrational, and that you were okay. “i love you, [y/n], so much. and i’m gonna keep reminding you everyday.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

keep your ideas coming here!

#answered #anon #austin butler blurb #austin butler fluff #austin butler fanfic #austin butler x reader #austin butler #angelina's drabbles

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twistedastrology · 20 days

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🪐 my take on the outer planets 🪐

---------------------------------------------------

saturn is constantly given a bad rap just because it does its job- saturn's placement in your chart isn't always a bad thing- it can signify difficulties in that area of your life, yes, but it can also tell you what you have unwavering resolve in (especially if you're saturn ruled or saturn is positively aspected)

for example, my saturn is in my 1st house in leo (cancer rising) and I've seen people say that saturn in the 1st house can indicate a fear of growing old or being lonely, whatever- my personal experience with this placement is, ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you i am fucking petrified of losing myself- losing my mind, losing who i am and dying early are my worst fears (dreams in which im dying are NOT the best ive ever had 😮‍💨)

but as a result of this, i know myself SO well. i do think saturn in the 1st house can indicate issues with finding yourself IF it's afflicted, which mine isn't (thank god 💔💔💔)

im also very scared of growing out of touch with the world around me- dont get me wrong, i love being a hermit, but if im ever that old man that can't understand trends or whatever and is overly cynical of younger generations... dawg- take me the fuck out 😕

uranus i LOOOOVEEEEE and i think it stands for so much more than just rebellion- my uranus has a LOT of power in my chart (so does my neptune but they're in mutual reception 😮‍💨) because my moon is cusped (1° pisces, but i feel both pisces and aquarius influence 💔), and it and my mercury im pretty sure are why i think backwards as fuck- (fun fact, my mercury is FIRMLY direct but it likes to act like it's in retrograde 💔💔💔💔)

but!! more interestingly, i have a very specific mental process where whenever im goin thru it, i cant stay goin thru it for a while- if my brain is fucked up for a little too long and i start getting pissed about it, my uranus takes over and legitimately propels me through the pain in almost an instant. i could be going through something for weeks and once i start getting pissed about it or legitimately bored of it, the next day it's like nothing ever happened BUT i still learned from it

ofc I have to do something to trigger that effect, which is where my mars in cancer comes in and i do a workout to tap into the physical catharsis and BOOM, go to bed and wake up the next day a new man 🙏🙏🙏 god bless 🙏🙏🙏

neptune Ok i am not entirely sure what made whoever said neptune is the higher octave of venus think that but I've never been able to see it. this might be controversial as hell but neptune is the higher octave of the moon to me and jupiter is the higher octave of venus. THAT BEING SAID-

neptune is an absolutely fascinating planet to me lately and im not sure why- i do have a couple transit aspects with it right now but ive wanted to write about it literally all day now- U KNOW i might love it so much bc it's in my 8th house actually that would make sense- ANYWAY-

neptune to me is the source of all the visions from god i get, especially my creative ones- (source: it came to me in a vision from god.) the moon is a very creative placement in my opinion (i have a WILDLY different idea of the moon that i can go over in another post), so neptune follows a similar current, but neptune is higher creativity, higher emotion, etc- it's the planet of spirituality and the absolute depths of our subconscious, like to the point of past lives, that's the kinda shit neptune fucks with

but because it's also the higher octave of the moon, to me it can absolutely represent addictions and vices, everything garbage- personally, my neptune isn't very afflicted at all but i also have a major lack of earth in my chart so i Do find myself experiencing classic neptune-based paranoia sometimes- fuck dude i went neurotic for a week at one point, that was some serious neptune delusion- But my uranus/saturn pulled me back from it, because like i said, saturn makes me petrified of losing myself, so those two joined forces like "ya this shit ain't cool actually take it out back and shoot it"

i might make a post on specifically neptune stuff soon and/or right after this bc the hyperfixation is hyperfixating 💔💔

pluto i FUCK with because it's such a soul searchy planet (my 8th house is very active so ofc i fuck with pluto) in the darkest ways and i love that shit- jonathan davis has his pluto in a fucking mastery degree (29° virgo) and i am to this day like 😦 over it- and it makes SO much sense for him to have PLUTO of all planets in a mastery degree- and i have mine in 26° sag so like im not that far behind... 💔

but dude that's mastery of some SERIOUS transformative powers- that's mastery of the wildly darker shit in life and that is so fucking tight to me- i value that kinda stuff more than anything dude- probably why korn is my fav band (been listening to them as i write this 😭😭)

one thing abt pluto that i DONT agree with tho, and this is more of a scorpio thing BUT i know everyone loves to say scorpios are the sexy signs but dawg... it's cancers... i swear 2 god it's cancers- i will write an entire fucking post on cancers and why i HATE everyone's interpretations of them bc everyone's like "cnanncers are cRYBbaueiis and tHyeyre the most emOtIknal siGnsns 💔💔💔" Bro. Bro. Bro dont do me like that for the love of god. that shit made me hate my rising sign for SO long and also not relate to it!!!! then i started doin my own research and found out "Oh fuck nvm im totally a cancer"

BUT if you look at pluto like the actual God- nowhere in his mythology (that I read anyway- i could be wrong i dont wanna act like i know everything) does it say anything abt him ruling over sex or sumn like that- but everyone says pluto rules over sex!!!!!! Where!!!!!!!!!!! dawg they said he was a god of abundance bc he ruled over the underworld and gems and stuff were found underground 😭😭😭

i do think pluto fucks with taboo shit though But back in the ye olden days when astrology was being developed, sex was not taboo at all, that's a new development that i think uranus fucks with more because uranus is a very future focused planet in my humble opinion

i could definitely keep writing but i think this is already a novel SO- to specify tho, this is all my opinion of the planets, ive read PLEEEEEENTY of books and stuff so by no means do i not know how this shit works, but my uranus makes me rip everything apart and make my own take so 💔

#astrology #astro observations #astro community #outer planets #saturn #uranus #neptune #pluto #astrologer #space

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onlyjaeyun · 9 months

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high on poison! seung the way ive never felt for a series guy... u made him so fucking desirable i cannot take it

heeseung looks like a guy who lost his shit when hoon suggest pool /beach day when yn showed up in a fucking bikini.. let's say the white stain on the bathroom floor was not sunscreen..

don't make me giggle and blush bc i will fall in love with you 🤭😜💞💗🧸🩷🧸

when i tell you, ever since seung and the boys moved away from their home town e's tried his best to stay away from you as much as possible bc basically everything you did or said was like gasoline to the fire in his body, he simply couldn't handle it. the day he went to the beach with jongseong and jaeyun, heeseung just wanted to get away from you for a while; the constabt sounds of your little giggles and laughter, your voice in general was just getting too much for him, so he decided to just take his other friends and go to the beach knowing you and your brother will be busy going to the museum you had been wanting to go for ages now. now you can probably imagine the way heeseung almost went into cardiac arrest at the sight of your perfect body in...barely anything. for a solid moment, heeseung just stared at you, thanked the heavens for his sunglasses hiding his hungry gazes as his brain tried to process what he's actually experiencing right now. however, as soon as your little "hey guys!" filled his ears he knew he had to leave as fast as physically possible. because just as usual, his body reacted before his brain could follow and the aching of his slowly hardening cock pulled him back into reality and that was the moment heeseung decided to lay on his stomach, knowing this way it will only hurt more but he'll be safe from any sort of humiliation. the few twenty minutes following your arrival were absolute torture for heeseung because he had to watch his best friend, not your brother, get the privilege of rubbing your back in with sunscreen, followed by the agonisingly slow process of you doing the same to the rest of your body. by the time you finally had made it to your thighs, heeseung had to bury his face in his towel to muffle a whimper, a literal whimper. seung barely remembers the rest of the day, the only thing stuck on his mind is the sight of your pretty body clad in the skimpiest bikini he has ever seen and the feeling of shame and embarrassment washing over his body as soon as he came down from the feeling of his relief washing over as he came all over his fist in the men's room like a fucking pervert. and to this day he's sure it's one of his best orgasms he's ever experienced. 🥺

#i love poison!seung 🥺#; poison #; mailbox 📬

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mountainhaunt · 1 year

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top 10 bands/artists let's goooo. i was tagged by @findusinaweek (bless you) so here's a loosely ordered list.

1) Hoppipolla. i could, can and have written literally a 2k+ word review on Hoppipolla's second album that turned more into a love poem from me than anything. y'all really don't want me doing this here.

B U T suffice it to say this timy little korean indie melancholia quartet has touched my soul in ways nothing else has. a few of their songs mean more to me than most things in this world do.

also!! world renowned cellist!!! hong jinho!! in the group!! seriously gorgeous, poignant magic these four create together.

the best/worst part is they dropped into the world, released two 10/10 heart stopping albums and then vanished again as if it were nothing.

2) Radiohead. i heard 'in rainbows' for the first time when i was 15 and it's what started me down the road of truly loving music and not just listening to it. radiohead is my baby and were my number one until hoppipolla came along a few years ago. ive been lucky enough to see them twice in concert and both experiences changed my dna i swear.

3) the Mountain Goats. the goats are like placebo in that i couldn't listen to them for a long time because of His Voice and i know that's like a trope at this point.

that was back in high school. now, john darnielle is hands down my favorite songwriter of all time and i unironically love his voice. no one writes lyrics and tells a story like he can and i constantly find myself turning to their music.

4) The Postal Service. death cab for cutie? eh, not bad, but can take or leave. ben gibbard + dntel? masterpiece.

their one and only album, give up, is my number one favorite album of all time and as much as i love it/them, i am SO glad they didn't release another. nothing could compare. anything that tried would only cheapen the debut album.

5) Hozier. i want to lay in the moss and cry and fall in love with a sweet lil cottagecore girl and i get to do that every time i listen to a hozier song

6) My Chemical Romance. my first loves. i was OBSESSED as a teen when they debuted and will still defend their honor today. although suddenly they've become really popular and not something for middle school bullies to pick on me for, so... defense unnecessary.

7) Margot & the Nuclear So and So's. they are so dreary and melancholy and nostalgic and gorgeous. i came across them by accident in high school because i was obsessed with the name margot, saw their name somewhere and immediately went home to totally not pirate them and see what they were about. "my baby (shoots her mouth off)" is one of the songs i send people when i talk about having bipolar, lol. the other being "lovecraft in brooklyn" by the goats.

they just evoke a special kind of feeling that is hard to replicate, and it transports me somewhere when i listen.

8) Erasure. i didn't know they even existed until i moved in with my partner and now i feel like every older queer ive ever met over the course of my life who didn't introduce me to them failed me, honestly

9) Modest Mouse. 'the moon and antarctica' came into my life around the same time 'in rainbows' did and also furthered my realization that music was to be experienced and not just heard. i never get tired of them (except strangers to ourselves. i listened to that album 3/4 of the way through one time and never touched it again sorry)

10) Rammstein. i love the drama!! i love the ferocity!! i love the taboo!! and they are also the reason i studied german so they deserve a spot here.

i'm still getting this account off the ground and haven't really chatted with many of you so im afraid to tag anyone lmao but obviously feel free to do this if you see it

#hoppipolla #radiohead #the mountain goats #tMG #modest mouse #margot and the nuclear so and so's #the postal service #rammstein #erasure #my chemical romance #mcr #hozier #tag games #txt

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donnerpartyofone · 5 months

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i find you unimaginably cool and ive expressed to you before on anon the sentiment that i feel a deep kinship towards you for how you speak so candidly abt your own stupidity (pls dont take that as me calling you stupid) bcuz i feel exactly the same way abt my own stupidity and hate when ppl try to talk me out of it but ANYways i just saw your post abt writing a novelization of splice and i am literally reeling. i love that weird ass movie so much and i think writing a novelization of it is one of the most off the wall and amazing things ive ever heard of. i hope that you will share when it is published bcuz i cannot wait to read it. pls know that someone out there understands you (or at least understands you as best as someone can thru this parasocial lens of tumblr and how you choose to share yourself there) and that someone out there thinks you are basically what i hope i can be when i grow up. thank you for sharing. thank you for articulating yourself as well as you do (i too have the itch to tell you you are not stupid but bcuz i know how it is i wont do it but besides that, i think you are one of the clearest and most well articulated writers ive ever encountered online or elsewhere). sorry, this all feels insane to type. im off two tallboy ipas and i just think youre great.

Dearest Correspondent,

Oddly enough, just the other day somebody liked an older post of mine, and when I clicked on it to remind myself of what it was, the next post down was your last message. Anyway, thanks! The whole novelization business is really funny. Do people even know what they are anymore? I didn't know anybody still made them until I was hired to do SPLICE. I used to get them from the drugstore sometimes when I was a kid because my parents were very uptight about what I watched, but they wouldn't be caught dead restricting anyone's reading habits. During my initial conversation with the SPLICE publisher, we kind of bonded over our memories of the CHILD'S PLAY 2 novelization, of all things, that seemed to help me a lot in addition to my ideas about what SPLICE should be like on paper. I tend to think of novelizations as just another piece of merch, but when you write them, I don't know, like you really have to live out the movie in your mind over and over again to figure out what the characters are experiencing physically, environmentally, how their emotional experiences affect their bodies, etc. You have to fill in the blanks of what they think and sense just enough to make your transcription convincing, while staying within certain bounds to honor what the filmmaker meant to say. SPLICE started as kind of a lark for me, and then almost immediately it became extremely personal; when I was nearing the end of my first draft I thought, "OK, well, I guess everyone is about to find out how insane I am." I was afraid it just sounded "crazy" and wouldn't be what the publisher was expecting. But after I turned it in, the surprise encouragement I got from actual-Vincenzo Natali was pretty amazing, so maybe it's good! Maybe you really CAN'T tell how crazy I am, and it's just very entertaining. You'll have to wait and see.

Parasocial relationships are tricky, huh, especially here on tumblr dot com. The best thing you can do for yourself is just be very aware that they are happening within you, a test you seem to have passed. I think a lot of us come here seeking understanding of our weirdest parts, but the more you put out there to find the people who get what you're saying, you simultaneously get a lot of reminders that most people have no idea what you're talking about. There will be people who seem to hate you because they've misunderstood you, and there will also be people who love you but whose interactions prove that they have absolutely no idea what you're communicating. I recently culled a bunch of followers because they were just creating a lot of noise, even though they may have meant well, and I was losing the clarity I needed to keep doing this. I started to see every post as a worrisome opportunity to find out how poorly people can possibly read me, and suppressing the urge to re-explain myself every day was becoming exhausting. And ironically, around the same time, I was briefly mutuals with one of my favorite bloggers ever, and just as I thought we were becoming chummy, they unfollowed me. I didn't freak out, actually I just unfollowed them back because I was concerned about being annoying, but I did have all kinds of Thoughts about this event. I have spent a lot of time reviewing what my projections were about that person, and what my personal investment in their narrative says about me. I think there could be something good to get out of this audit, even though the whole episode is sort of embarrassing. But Tumblr definitely gives you a lot of opportunities to examine your own filters, clean them out once in a while, and get to know yourself a little better--even if other people seem to be getting to know you a little worse! You just have to stick to your own course and see what comes of it.

Uh. What the hell was I saying. I don't know! But I appreciate your messages, I feel "gotten" by them. Some of the follower upheaval recently did involve the way that I process my experience of my own stupidity out loud on here--like I know that sometimes folks are trying to be helpful by contradicting me whenever I sound "negative" (read: realistic), but being told (by strangers) how to feel about yourself and that you're wrong about your own experiences is actually really awful, confusing, frustrating, and undermining. So I don't mind being reminded that my signal is coming through for at least some people. I hope you're doing good this holiday season. I wonder what beers you had, they sound fun!

Good tidings to you,

PS Isn't "on here" a weird phrase? I always feel like a primate when I say it, but I have yet to find a different phrase that conveys the same thing as accurately.

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battleangel · 5 months

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Hospital Hellhole

Where are the open windows in hospitals?

Hospitals are exactly like corporate cubicle farms, where you see the windows in your office, but theyre never open.

So, no fresh air ever gets in.

Stuffy, recirculated air with zero outside fresh air + constant either central indoor heating or air conditioning + a bunch of sick ass people stuffed into one building isnt exactly a recipe for holistic health.

Nor is it meant to be.

Its actually a veritable hotbed for communicable diseases, viruses, infections, germs and bacteria to develop, spread and grow.

Idgaf about how "well the hospital is ventilated" -- you need fresh air, jackass!

Good luck ever getting it at a hospital.

They'll just parade you around bare ass in a drab ass drag ass light blue gown that doesnt even close all the way in the back yet have the nerve to talk about how "functional" it is.

They'll parade your literal bare ass through the hospital hallways so you can "walk around" -- but nevah outside.

Yeah okay.

There are windows, why cant I open them?

Because you cant.

The air inside a hospital is endlessly recirculated, stuffy as hell and filled to the brim with germs, bacteria, viruses and pathogens given that a hospital is, y'know, a building full of sick ass people.

Who in the hell thinks this is a good idea?

Exactly noone as hospitals are designed to mentally break you, dehumanize you and give you a different illness then the one you checked in with or make whatever your current issue is worse.

Being in a building with no outside fresh air and no open windows full of sick, dying, dead, incapacitated, vomiting, diarrhea, coughing, sneezing, wheezing, bleeding people isnt supposed to make anyone else sicker?

Yeah okay.

You need fresh air even in the best of circumstances forget about when youre sick.

You need to be in nature as it literally heals us, even their studies confirm that.

You need fresh, unrecirculated air from outside.

You need the sky, the sun, the grass and the trees.

But what do you get?

A dark, drab, sterile, lonely room with a large ass loud ass TV in it, a phone, a bed that you will be stuck in for most of your stay, a bathroom and a window you cant open.

Sounds exactly like prison.

Being stationary -- unless you are a literal invalid or completely physically incapacitated -- is awful for you.

They know this.

They know that being stationary in bed can cause DVT (deep vein thrombosis), blood clots, embolisms, poor blood circulation and bloodflow, swelling, edemas, muscle atrophy, weight gain, bed sores.

Not to mention depression, lack of mental sharpness and acuity, lethargy, anxiety, fatigue, listlessness, hopelessness, dread...

Its almost like its by design, isnt it?

Hospitals should be near parks or be built inside of parks.

All patients that are literally physically capable of going outside for fresh air and natural sunlight should do so, or if possible, should be taken outside in wheelchairs.

Blinding white bright ass unnatural fluorescent lighting has repeatedly been proven to deplete our melatonin levels, disrupt our natural circadian rhythyms, disrupt our sleep, cause insomnia and other sleep disorders -- so why is the lighting in hospitals so fucking bright???

Why do you think?

They dont want you well.

If you happen to get better after being hospitalized, its an unintended side effect.

The goal is to find -- or make up -- other things that are wrong with you so they can feed you further into the many tentacled medical industrial complex.

More diagnoses, more pills, more injections, more shots, more IVs, more surgeries, more specialists, more tests, more false positive results.

Just the way they intend it.

If youve ever visited someone in the hospital or ever been hospitalized yourself, youve probably experienced a general feeling of feeling run down, fatigued, sore, tired, like you were coming down with a cold, feeling out of sorts and out of it if you were inside a hospital for a few hours or more (days, weeks or even months).

Thats by design.

Patients should be outside every day, breathing fresh air, getting natural sunlight, touching fresh grass, hugging and sitting by trees, looking up at the clear blue sky, soaking up the sun, picking flowers and soaking up natures natural healing properties.

Nope, you get to walk up and down a ridiculously overilluminated bright ass fluorescent hallway with drab muted colors surrounding you, machines beeping, nurses having bored conversations at lunch, doctors being self-important and your bare ass cheeks on full display in your gown that doesnt "quite fully close all the way in the back."

You should be letting butterflies land on your hand, picking sunflowers, laying against trees, walking barefoot in grass, staring up at the sun and soaking up the individual rays, taking deep breaths of the fresh air all around you, looking at the clear blue sky, observing some of the cloud formations, lying on your back on the grass and staring up at the big blue sky supervised by hospital staff for about an hour a day.

That should be happening every day in every hospital.

It could be done in shifts.

Even a small park or garden even on hospital grounds or property would suffice.

In your everyday life, dont you walk outside once a day?

Even just to check the mail? Run errands? Pick up groceries? Go to work? Get takeout? Go shopping? Go to work? Meet up with friends and family? Go out to eat? See a movie? Take a walk? Go jogging?

Why is this simple freedom denied to you in a hospital?

When you need nature the most, they wont even open a window for you.

Antiseptic sterility, vomiting bleeding dying patients, coughing sneezing wheezing patients, patients with viruses, bacterial infections, open wounds, bodily fluids and emissions, mucus, phlegm, stitches, sutures, transfusions, transplants.

How would you NOT need fresh air even after one day in a hospital?

Why is hospital food so comically bad?

Youre literally back to the slop you were being force fed in elementary school but as an adult.

Since youre sick, shouldnt there be an interest in providing you with nourishing, holistic, healthy, fresh organic foods that will help heal you and aid in your recovery?

If youve ever been hospitalized, it took you back to your school days with rubbery chicken, mystery lunch meat, dry bread, nothing is seasoned, everything is out of a box, warmed over and bland as hell.

Why?

It doesnt have to be expensive!

Fresh spinach for salad is cheap, quinoa is cheap, tofu is inexpensive, steel cut oats are inexpensive, chickpeas are cheap, hummus is inexpensive, lentil beans are cheap, kale is inexpensive, kidney and black beans are cheap - these are all chock full of protein, cheap, healthy, good for you and can be prepared with fresh or cookied veggies, rice, noodles.

It doesnt have to be like this.

They want you sick and defeated.

Hospitals are literal hellholes.

Its not you.

Youre right to think they are creepy depressing prisons and incubators for all kinds of diseases and infections.

Because they are. By design.