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#like those featuring mika and such

ressonancee · 4 months

Text

I THINK WE MARRIED IN VEGAS

✷ You and Jeonghan have always been friends, and friends go on a trip together, right? And somehow friends always end up marrying in Las Vegas right? And somehow friends become roommates as well right? That all seems very normal when Yoon Jeonghan has a weird addiction to doing the dumbest things ever just for shock value.

✷ genre: comedy (?), angst, smut (minors don't interact)

✷ word count: 28.244

✷ featuring: Yoon Ttoram, Choi Seungcheol, Lee Seokmin, Kim Mingyu as the unnamed satan-spit roommate one night stand, and Xu Minghao as the gothic impasto painter guy.

✷ thea’s note: hey y’all this is my longest fic yet so I’m weirdly proud. I had fun writing this and trying to figure out how to build this Jeonghan and yes I did rewatched the birth of Ttoram while writing this. By the way - love you guys but the whole credit/debt/buying a house is just for plot I do not know how any of this works in America (and it is mainly set in America because I needed Vegas lol) <3 So bear with it. Also thanks to @wongyuuu for keeping me company in this nanowimo challenge, and thaks to @toruro Mika you are the best <3 thank you for reading this

✷ Smut warnings under the read more ✷

✷ smut count: lost count of how many times Jeonghan thought he was going to cum on his pant, 1 dick sucked, teenagers level of horniness, non penetrative sex still sex, a lot of kissing, a 3 second of cumplay still a cumplay i guess.

"Should we do it?" you hear Jeonghan ask, his face focused on something outside the car’s window. The lights of all the neon signs dance on his face and features—like a scene from a movie. He looks tired and overworked even though you are somewhat on vacation.

"Do what?" you ask, trying to understand what he meant. Maybe he was talking about a hotel spa and you missed the beginning of the sentence because you were too lost in your own thoughts? Yeah, a message would be a lifesaver right now.

"That," he says, pointing at one of the hundreds of little chapels in Las Vegas. This one has a deal sign in big and bold letters—an Elvis Presley priest, a bouquet, a professional photographer, and a bottle of champagne for half the price. Well, you never thought about off-season in Vegas, but maybe business was a little rough at this time of the year, but to be quite honest that did seem like a great deal—the shopaholic in you would fall for it if it didn’t involve marriage.

"Are you drunk already?" you ask. Even though you have known the man for years, you still can’t read Jeonghan properly.

Sometimes you think about how he is a book that is written in a different language, and you couldn’t have access to him without a dictionary on the side. Jeonghan does look like a classic—he is well put together, he is fancy, and he would be one of those books that have an embellished spine—the prettiest book on your bookshelf. But at the same time, he is one of those books that need commentaries on every page because somehow the author didn't care about giving enough context or didn't think his work would survive so many years. And one that the storylines end up being totally fucked up, so basically a Russian classical.

"No, I'm painfully sober," Jeonghan says while leaning his head on the window of the car. It almost makes you laugh when you hear the loud sound of him bumping his head, even the Uber driver who didn’t utter a word turns his head back. "It's just," he starts again, "I heard Seungcheol talking about it, and it seems nice to be married."

"What are you talking about?” you say in disbelief, “Seungcheol is not married yet, he is having a bachelor party in Vegas. He is drinking his weight in alcohol and spending the college tuition of his firstborn in the casino. You and him know about the same thing about marriage, which equals barely anything."

“Yeah but he did talk about all the perks—Oh thank you,” he notices that the Uber finally arrived at the hotel feat casino and all the Vegas shenanigans. Jeonghan holds the car door for you, like a true gentleman—you almost scoff. “What I was trying to say is, Seungcheol did talk to me about being married, it doesn’t feel like a bad deal at all.” Again, he holds the door for you.

“So we should just get married in Vegas because Seungcheol said it is a great deal?” you ask Jeonghan like he said the stupidest thing ever, which is partially true. It was one of the stupidest things he’d ever said to you, and you’ve known the man for years—you’ve witnessed a fair amount of his stupidity, all laced with his all-knowing smile. Every time you tried to understand what he was talking about it always left you feeling like this man was insane.

“I mean? What would you lose?” Jeonghan asked, crossing his arms after pushing the elevator buttons—one for your room, the other one so the door closes faster (he is one of those people).

“A lot?” you say almost laughing. What the fuck? It resonates in your mind, almost like the words are bumping the walls of your cranium, like the old Windows 98 screensaver logo.

“Yeah? Like what?” Jeonghan asks and the ping of the elevator makes sure both of you know that it arrived before opening the door.

“Freedom,” you say, trying to stay normal and not succumb to Jeonghan—you both hear someone saying,“Hold!” across the hall. Jeonghan just smiles and clicks the button to close the door. Maniac really, without basic education. To be fair though, it was a frat dude with another frat dude who could wait for the next elevator without dying, but still.

“Come on, you are a book editor. You love everything that has nothing to do with freedom, you love rules and everything that shackles you.” You scoff hearing Jeonghan’s words.

You want to argue, you want to kick and scream and pick a fight because is he basically calling you boring right? He is totally calling you the most boring person he’s ever met, and you are in Vegas - and still, somehow, you are the boring girl. But he is right about it—you do not leave your comfort zone, you do not do crazy very well, and you don’t even drink that much because losing control of situations makes you slightly insane. And Jeonghan is right because he is one of your closest friends, and you talked about it with him, he even knows how this is a recurrent topic in your therapy. Asshole.

“Well, still don’t give me the urge to marry you, your sales points are awful—how do you hold your job?” You ask side eyeing your friend, well, if you wanted to marry someone calling them boring is not the right way to do it.

“I do a better job when I need to sell to investors, I’m not giving my all right now since you are not paying me,” Jeonghan says, leaving the elevator and looking back at you. Well, not giving your all when you are asking someone for marriage - number two mistake.

“I’d hope so, otherwise your name would be number one in the next layoff,” you say rolling your eyes.

“Come on,” Jeonghan scoffs. “You didn’t hear Seungcheol talking about the benefits," he says, opening the door to your shared hotel door. The deal was to sleep in a weird hotel that may have bedbugs or share a room and a bed with Jeonghan in a more upscale hotel whose bathroom didn’t look like a crime scene. Not a difficult decision, to be quite honest.

“Is Seungcheol now a pro-marriage coach?” you ask, taking off your shoes and leaving your bag on the nearest chair.

“Probably, I mean, the side money would be crazy,” he says, taking off his watch and leaning against the table, again crossing his arms. “What I meant is did you ever think about the tax deduction, health insurance benefits, leave benefits? Also, Seungcheol did remind me that the bank raises the chance of getting approved credits if the spouse has a great credit history.”

“Yet he is the one marrying because he loves his girlfriend,” you remind Jeonghan, because apparently he is forgetting one the key ingredients of marriage in contemporary societies - love, affection, and a dose of “I love you but leaving with you every time you forget the toothpaste open is making me thinking about how life in hell would look like.”

“Right,” Jeonghan scoffs, making you even more curious.

“What would you need credits for?” you ask. Jeonghan is an unmarried and childless man, who works on investments, travels twice a year, and has a car. You on the other hand work in a crumbling industry - books, who reads books? - don’t travel a lot and your car is like twelve years old.

“Marry me and I tell you,” Jeonghan answered without letting the ball drop, quick on his feet like always, you could never catch this man.

“Tell me and I will think about it,” You try to pry.

“A house.” He says earnestly.

Again - you know Jeonghan, and you know your friend is a lunatic, but you also know when he is being completely honest with you. The man did want that house, which was completely weird. Jeonghan was a city guy, he was living in a rented apartment sure, but it was a great apartment, it even had a view. He worked downtown, why would he need a house?

“A house?” You try again, trying to get more details of what the heck is making your friend go crazy out of a sudden.

“Yeah, a house.” He says shrugging like it is the most common thing ever, maybe it is a well-known scheme of marrying for taxes and credits that you don’t know, maybe you are late. Maybe you are outdated putting together marriage and love in the same sentence, maybe, the world has changed. “Will you marry me?” Jeonghan asks you in his dullest voice ever like he is tired and completely bored.

“No.” You deadpan.

“Come on, at least pretend that you are thinking about it,” Jeonghan says, lying on the bed horizontally, his face is now closer to you and his legs are too big so they hang out of the bed, like a kid almost. “It has four bedrooms so you can move and say fuck you to Laurel the accountability girl.”

Well, that makes you think about it. He should have started with that. Maybe if he just proposed a new roommate scheme you would’ve said yes in the uber.

“I don't hate her that much,” you lied through your teeth, you hated that girl. You blamed the real state crisis because the rent was crazy, sharing the apartment was a good deal on paper, and half of the rent money went to your savings account so you could live in peace - Jeonghan actually advised you on how to save and where to invest if you wanted to retire quickly, but you never really thought about buying shares and selling shares and the whole ordeal.

“Fuck you,” He laughs, “every week I have to hear you complain how she lets food go bad and how it leaves your fridge stinky enough to make you almost puke, and that only happens when she doesn't food go bad on the kitchen counter or wait, do you remember when she forgets to lock the door two times last week?”

“Well, I am sorry if I have listened to true crimes podcast enough to be actually aware of the horrors of being a woman and how serial killers are out there just waiting for you to sleep with the fucking door open,” you say like you are the most reasonable person ever.

“And you are right, what I am saying is that I would lock the door so no one can enter the house, I would be a better roommate.”

“Sure we do not have to marry to be roommates we can look for suitable places in our price range,”

“Look at this,” Yoon Jeonghan says, fiddling with his phone, “It has four bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, the kitchen is great, it has a backyard and a solarium.”

“Fuck-” You say, sitting on the bed, your thigh close enough to his arm that you feel the warmth of his skin, “that’s, that's crazy.”

“I know,” he says turning on the bed and closing his hand on his stomach like he is dead, just staring at the ceiling, “The price is not bad either, one of my clients is trying to sell so he can invest in a new startup so it is not actually in the market right now but will be in a few weeks so-”

“Did you try to get the loan?” You ask, finger still going on his phone looking at different pics of this completely perfect house. All the rooms were big, and with natural light - crazy. The Solarium looked like a thing out of this world. And you could see yourself living there, if you had enough money you could live the dream, but that house was just out of your price range. God, with that garden you could have a dog. Damn.

“I don't want to pay interest to a bank,” Jeonghan almost whines, because he knows how this whole thing works and how he would have to pay the loan and half of the loan because banks are greedy bastards.

“Can I have two bedrooms?”

“What do you need two bedrooms for?” Jeonghan asks, finally looking at you and dropping his i-am-almost-dead act.

“My room, one office,” you explain. You know the office would be the one with two larger windows facing the garden. Oh what a joy - to build a life you would never live, it was indeed one of your favorite hobbies, maybe that’s why you love books so much.

“Ok, I guess. I can make something out of the basement.” Jeonghan replies nonchalantly making you laugh.

Maybe that’s why you two were friends, you had a great time speaking nonsense to one another. You both just kept feeding into whatever fantasy you built, like reality could not touch everything. You and Jeonghan had this weird pattern of just sitting, eating and talking for hours and hours about whatever that had nothing to do with the truth. What would you do if you won the lottery? What would you do when you retire? What would you do if you woke up on a desert island? What would you do if your boss was imprisoned for embezzlement? Ok not the last one, scratch that, this one actually happened.

“I can give you 5% of the price tag, and we can share the loan if it matches my current rent price range, but we need to actually draft something with a lawyer later so we can only sell the house to ourselves, I don’t trust you enough to buy this house without a lawyer on my side.”

“Dude-” Jeonghan jerks on the bed, he sits and turns his body to face you. “Wait, do you hate Laurel that much?”

“Yoon Jeonghan, do you want a marriage to up your credit score or what? I paid my student loans in record time, the banks love me.”

“I don’t know if you are joking or not,” He tells you.

"Can you call room service?" You ask heading to the bathroom, while you tie your hair - like you are preparing yourself for a dire work task - maybe talk to a translator about a deadline, they are worse than writers, "I think we will need more alcohol."

"Wait," you hear Jeonghan's voice echo through the door, "are we actually gonna do it?"

You are joking.

And you know Jeonghan was too. With the years of knowing him, you knew that the majority of things that left Jeonghan's mouth had a shock value purpose. Induce distress first, we talk about truth later - or never. That made you 100% sure that you would never marry that man. You knew him enough - twelve years, since high school. He knew you as well - he knew all your teenage traumas, all of your romance fiasco, and he met all of your exes.

You would never, never, marry that man.

Right?

Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

When you open your eyes and the white ceiling greets you, you can hear yourself groaning almost involuntarily. Your head aches. You know you will regret everything that happened the night before, even though you don't know what actually happened, and what you need to hold yourself accountable for. But you know the taste of a life-changing hangover that has a side dish of regret and a cup of shame to go. But it couldn’t possibly be so bad right?

Ok, maybe moving your body was not the very first thing to do. You try to open your eyes again. Well, at least you were in your own hotel room. Jeonghan is by your side, his arm across your stomach and somehow his face is near your armpit. You try to sniffle yourself, but so far doesn't like you are actually stinky. Your deodorant was doing a great job so far, maybe it actually has a 24-hour action or something like that.

You try to lift yourself up, sitting in the bed, head in hand because everything spins. Oh God help you. Besides the headache you feel sticky and sweaty, and all gross. You can't believe you didn't shower, and if you didn't shower you didn't take your makeup off, and if you didn't take your makeup off you totally threw your 43-day steak of doing your skincare routine. Fuck. Maybe you could just delete the app, or pretend that yesterday never happened. Deal with the blank day that screams how bad you fucked up was not an option though, it would never happen.

“What the fuck did we drink?” You hear Jeonghan's hoarse voice. You take the hands off your eyes, the clarity feels like punching your cornea and brain, and Jeonghan's state is not very different from yours, his shirt is open and ruffled, his arms are shielding his eyes from the light entering the room, his hair is messy and he looks like he needed four days of sleep.

“Fuel? Petrol? Satan spit in a cup?” You answer dropping yourself on the bed again, every joint of your body aches. It is ridiculous how you feel trapped in a 90 years old body, and like that is not enough you feel nauseated beyond words. And every time you can feel and hear Jeonghan breathing it feels like it is piercing your skull, would be rude to ask your friend to stop breathing and just stay completely still? He would understand, right?

“Do you think room service can get us some painkillers?” He groans lifting himself up this time, “Or maybe a gun?”

“Can you call them? I think I will puke if I sit for more than half a minute,” you say, your hand going into your mouth as if it would actually help if the worst-case scenario happened.

“I think I can, the problem is that you need to get me the phone,” Jeonghan tells you groaning between words. His hand points to the object and there is no way in hell you are moving to get that, that would mean you getting up and turning and being alive altogether.

“I can't I told you I gonna puke,” you try to explain how serious your condition - also known as hangover - is.

“It is by your side of the bed" He groans again and yet he sounds just like a petulant child, maybe it is a gift.

“I can't I will puke on the carpet it only makes things worse,” you try again, “or worse I can puke on the bed, you included in the radio of the vomit you know it splashes.”

“Ok, stand still,” Jeonghan says, “don't kick me, I'm doing it for both of us”

And you do as you are told because being still right now is the only thing you can do - even moving your eyeballs seems too much right. So Jeonghan just dropped his body on top of yours, he is also sweaty, and he reeks of alcohol. Damn, he actually smells like gasoline. He picks up the phone and presses a few buttons. His body is still above yours, pressing into you.

“Be quick you are pressing my blade," you say after the surprise of having him against you fazes out.

“What the fuck do you need to pee or vomit? Ah yes, hello,” He says changing his voice in the middle of the sentence from something that says intimacy is a disease to his customer service voice without pausing, “hm do you guys have room service that includes painkillers?” He waits, nodding his head as he hears something before he remembers his on the telephone. “Oh okay, thank you, can you send it? Oh yeah great, yes if you can do that, yes, pancakes, toasts with poached eggs and avocado, coffee hmm” he thinks about it, looks at you, thinks about a second or two, and then adds, “Can you send us four cups of coffee? Thank you.”

Jeonghan finishes the call with a groan leaving his mouth, he places the phone on its holder. But when you think he will get himself off of you he only plops down, his body weight getting heavier. His bones poking your body, what the fuck he was doing with your elbow on your ribcage?

“Jeonghan what the fuck-" You complain, trying to kick your legs in a vain attempt to make your friend move.

“I got us painkillers and food, let me recharge for a bit stop complaining,” Jeonghan says in a dead tone of voice, almost like he is dealing with a kid throwing some type of tantrum - the only thing is that, in this occasion, the child is you and somehow you want to kick his shin, because you are the one right in this situation, and you could totally just plop down in a mall disgusting floor if Yoon Jeonghan was your father too.

“You are heavy!” You try again but somehow Jeonghan is stronger than you think and his body is still over yours like nothing is happening, maybe you are just dehydrated and fucking muscle-less, maybe the yoga wasn’t doing much when you almost killed your liver.

“I am not,” Jeonghan says, now he is the one being the moody child in the supermarket, maybe he will go off without parental supervision. Oh wait, this was Yoon Jeonghan he actually did wander away when he was out about with his parent and ended up three blocks away just because he saw an ice cream truck. Jeonghan was the easiest kid to be kidnapped, you ask yourself how he ended up being safe and sound, and in one piece.

“Just because you are skinny it doesn’t mean you aren’t heavy.” You try again pushing on Jeonghan bony shoulder, even that is pointy. “bones are heavy too, get off of me!”

“You kind of stink," Jeonghan says, his head still lodged in the space between your neck and shoulder.

“Well you asshole you are not better yourself, and you are stinky too and sticky like you showered in bear or something.”

“Maybe I did, I don’t know I can't actually think,” He groans finally trying to lift himself up, “We should shower,” he says sitting on the bed and looking down at you.

“You go first,” both of you say at the same time

You end up going first. Mainly because you needed to pee and you think that once you are up you may as well just use the opportunity to shower otherwise you would just drop dead on the floor and never get up again - you will be stinky and gross forever. Also, you think that if hell breaks loose and Jeonghan actually pukes you at least already used the shower. Back in college, he puked on the sink because it was the closest thing to the door, or whatever poor excuse he came up with, and that scene still haunts you, because somehow the sink was clogged. Ew, you think, finishing peeing and wiping yourself up. You wash your hands and say thank you for your past self because your necessaire is splayed on the counter, you pick up your face wash and head to the shower. Ok, let's deal with it. You need to wash your hair too. You open the register, letting the water hit your foot in an attempt to get just the perfect temperature.

You close and open the registers a few times - to fix the temperature, but you not gonna lie, to make up your mind too. But when you let the water hit your face - in an almost drowning attempt, you know you made the right decision, shower first was the only option. You let the water wash away for a few minutes until you are ready to really start your shower. First step - wash your face. Well, you needed to buy a new face wash this one was in its last few stages of life, you close your eyes and start to rub against your skin, normal, until you few something slightly different on your hand - almost like scratching the skin, you open your eyes and you finally notice, a band on your finger.

You turn your hand and it finally hits you.

It is a ring.

With a big rock.

In your ring finger.

A big damn rock on your ring finger.

“Yoon Jeonghan” you scream in horror.

On the other side of that door, Jeonghan just hears you scream. He actually picks himself up in record time and room towards the bathroom, oh shit did you just fall and hit your head? Did you break the glass of the fancy hotel shower? Are you dying? So without thinking much Jeonghan opens the bathroom door and he just finds you - completely naked and seemly okay, just staring at your own hand.

“What happened?” He asks trying to catch his own breath, maybe he does need to start working out man, he didn’t feel this horrible when he was hitting the gym after shifts, but also he didn’t feel that great either the whole gym rat thing was not his ordeal.

“What did we do?” You ask still in complete horror, not even thinking about how this is the first time Yoon Jeonghan, your friend is seeing you completely naked. 10/10 would not recommend this experience. Not even to Laurel, her satan spit roommate.

“What? Are you going crazy? I thought you fell and opened your skull or something,”

You just look at Jeonghan, dead in his eyes, like the reality is worse than falling in the bathroom, opening your skull and calling the paramedics naked. You just turn your hand to him - like it is enough to make him understand what a dire situation it is. And you swear to god you can almost see the little flakes of light on the bathroom floor, the rock is big enough to shine across the room.

“Did you call me to show me your ring? Couldn’t you wait until you put your clothes on?” Jeonghan asks leaning into the doorway.

“Jeonghan did we-” you say but you feel your own throat closing around itself, it can’t be right?

“Hm?” he asks without a blink of an eye.

“Oh we did, we totally did," you sighed, more to yourself than to Jeonghan.

“No, you are not that crazy,” he claimed. What is that even was supposed to mean? He was crazy enough for it but you the two goody shoes wasn’t?

“Jeonghan check your bank receipt,” you demanded, trying to connect the dots in a way, trying to find a physical proof, maybe you just bought a way too expensive ring for yourself, or maybe it was just impulse buying.

Before you can move Jeonghan almost runs towards the room, you try your best to keep up with him but you are a little behind because for the first time, you actually are aware of how naked you are. You pick up the fluffy bathroom robe - yeah the fancy hotel had its perks.

“Oh fuck” you can hear Jeonghan before you can see him, his phone it’s on his lap, his head is on his head - he is a man defeated.

“Did we?” You try to probe, but your voice sounds weird in your own ears - almost small, and the reality hits you, you are kinda scared. The reality of maybe having fucked up hits you like a trunk, you always been a nice girl, you never fucked up - at least not that bad, what would you mean if you married on a drunk whim?

“I think,” Jeonghan says, his hand on his greasy hair, fuck he needed a shower. “I think we fucked up real bad.”

You sit beside Jeonghan, you both staring at the wall ahead of you in disbelief. You are still gross, but now your damp hair is actually dropping on the bed and you can’t bring yourself to care. The fact that Jeonghan is motionless by your side without uttering a word is what freaks you out more. Jeonghan is not someone who is fazed so easily - his mouth is agape and his eyebrows furred, the ‘i-am-utterly-stressed’ Jeonghan feature is what freaks you out really.

“Ok Hannie,” you breathe softly. “That’s what we are going to do, I am going to shower, then you are going to shower, we gonna eat breakfast, then we are going to return this ring, then we are going to call Joshua, he is a lawyer, right? He probably will know what to do.”

“Joshua is a real estate lawyer,” Jeonghan mutters without blinking.

“Jeonghan focus!” You say getting out of bed, “divorce is a thing we don’t need to stay married.”

You take one of the longest showers in human history. You needed a good shower, but, the majority of the time under the shower you think about how the hell you got so drunk to marry Jeonghan. Some flashes of memory blink on the forefront of your mind every time you blink; a vegas chapel, not an Elvis but an Elton John in front of you, Jeonghan picking one of the most expensive ring in a fancy story. How the fuck fancy jewelry runs for twenty four hours?

Every flash comes with a sharp pain, the fucking headache.

When you get out of the bathroom the breakfast is already in the room. You take a bit of egg and toast just so you can shove coffee down your throat without having to deal with the stomach pain. You search the ring case and don’t find anywhere, maybe it is safe on Jeonghan’s thing, maybe he kept it safe, or you hope so. When you sit on the bed you stare down the ring, it is a beautiful ring and you are pretty sure it is something Jeonghan chose, it is beautiful, but at the same time, it is just too much.

You need to return it, no doubt about it.

You try to take the ring one and somehow it doesn’t even budge. You scoff, what a tricky little thing. So you try again, and again the thing doesn’t move. You can feel the drop in your blood pressure, what the heck? You lost track of the time when Jeonghan opened the bathroom door and you looked at him in shock, you look down at your red and bloated finger.

“This shit is stuck in my finger?” You say trying to take off one final time before just breaking your finger.

“Well, I think this is a good time to tell you,” he starts his voice all weird and over the place, “I kinda fucked up.”

“Jeonghan we are apparently married I already know we fucked everything up.”

“No, I-” Jeonghan begins, his hands now going through his washed hair, still wet and dripping on the floor, “I found a shred receipt and an invoice.”

“What the fuck?” You almost yell in pure knee-jerk reaction.

“I think it is yours now?” Jeonghan shrugs, like it is not a big deal even though you know that this ring is expensive, it must be, it has a giant rock and even though you know close to nothing about jewelry it looks expensive.

“What happened to us?” You question.

“You ask me? You don't remember anything?" Jeonghan says sincerely, and you know it is true. Jeonghan was kind of a prankster, he kinda did push people to its limit, but part of it was just doing fun things but also harmless shit. Like entering the beach at night, or hiding someone’s phone and pretending they did leave in the hotel so they can enjoy the trip without being bombarded by their special someone - read Seungcheol yesterday at lunch.

“Can we call Joshua?”

“I think we can do that later,” Jeonghan checks his watch, “I think it would be wiser just to show up to Seungcheol’s lunch and pretend that mini golf is fun, it would bring suspicious otherwise.”

“Jeonghan we married we didn’t commit a crime,” you say looking at him in disbelief.

“Do you want to deal with Seungcheol’s monologue about us getting married? I don’t think I want to deal with that with a killer hangover after a wedding walk of shame in fucking Las Vegas,” he drops. And God, that really sounds like a nightmare.

“Yeah,” you say looking at the big rock on your thing, “you are right, but we should probably still call Joshua,”

“I told you he is a real state lawyer didn’t I?” He says almost rudely to you, and you want to say that if you two are married both of you said yes it is not like you are the only one responsible for it but you try not to push his buttons.

“And what is your option Jeonghan?”

“I’m thinking about just getting drunk again so I can forget everything that is happening right now.”

What a fucking great idea.

Seungcheol is one of Jeonghan’s closest friends from college. Seungcheol just became your friend because you and Jeonghan were weirdly bound at the hip. You both shared your high school years, and when you two enrolled at the same university you only had two options, pretend you two didn’t know each other, or become conjoined twins. Jeonghan was a business major, you were enrolled in every class that had literature, poetry, or the name of a dead guy on it. But still, you and Seungcheol became great friends even though he is a finance guy. And Seungcheol was the reason you two were on a Vegas trip, the last trip of his life as an unmarried man, he had to make a sketchy deal with his fiancé in order to it to happen but still, according to him, it was worthy.

“Nice shot!” You hear Seungcheol's voice loud, bringing you back to reality. He is clapping as Seokmin - one of his other friends from work hits the ball down the hole.

Seungcheol’s voice, loud and clear, brings you back to reality.

Oh the joys of playing mini golf before lunch, you could spend days and days talking about how much you loved the idea and how every hole seems like a fucking nightmare but you are a married woman. Needless to say this whole situation wasn’t in your 2023 bingo card. You don’t pay attention when it is Jeonghan or Seungcheol’s turn, you wait until you have to put the ball in the hole, it probably takes you double the time, and then it starts again, ad infinitum. At least they are kind enough to not pressure you to perform like Tiger Woods or something.

You think about Jeonghan though. Somehow, he hasn’t changed. Jeonghan was the same Jeonghan you met in high school, of course, he matured and the years turned into baggage, but Jeonghan was still your friend who was playful enough to get married on a whim. Jeonghan was everything you weren’t in a way, somewhat playful and carefree, and still a very practical human being. Jeonghan was mischievous, but yet, not even once, he pushed you until you couldn’t take it, and that makes you think that somehow, with an unknown reason, in your drunk stupor, you wanted to marry Jeonghan, because hell can break loose, the skies can fall, but Jeonghan would never make you do something you did not want to do.

While Jeonghan and Seungcheol are busy hitting those tiny balls Seokmin stops by your side. You like Seokmin, Seokmin is kind, and you constantly think about how he is surviving the finance world, he doesn’t seem cut to it, but somehow he manages to stay alive against the monsters of capitalism, or, worse, he stays alive feed the monsters of capitalism. Ew. Seokmin’s face though seems focused on another thing, he looks in shock and happy at the same time, he probably did the whole hole in less than three shots you think.

“Oh my god,” He almost screams making you jolt in place, in all truth that was pretty much a common occurrence when your day to day involved Seokmin.

“Hm?” You question puzzled, looking at him trying to find a clue of something behind his feature when Jeonghan and Seungcheol finally join the two of you on the sideline.

“What is that?” Seokmin asks and you still without a fucking clue of what he is talking about. “Damn,” he says with his big smile across his face, making the tip of his nose get even more pronounced, “are you guys planning a surprise and I just ruined it?” His face changes in a blink of an eye.

“What surprise?” Jeonghan questions taking a drink of his gatorade like he was in the middle of an excruciating sport and not fucking mini golf after an unsafe amount of alcohol.

“That thing!” Seokmin cheered, and then it downs on you - the big ass ring on your hand, propped on the golf putter, and before you can hide it or chop your hand off the three man in your sight is eying the big damn rock that you forgot about,

“The what?” Seungcheol blurted.

“This is an engagement ring right?” Seokmin asks and you think about an ostrich, putting its head on the ground, you think you can do the same in one of the circuit's holes.

“No, it isn’t, how the hell they are engaged when they aren’t dating?” Seungcheol scoffs, acting like Seokmin is saying something that doesn't make sense, something that happened numerous times before, it could be happening again. It was happening again, at least to Seungcheol.

“We saw that one when we were looking for your fiancée present though,” Seokmin says all pouty and confused, and you think you almost try to defend his point of view as you always do, just because he is cute.

“It isn’t an engagement right?” Seungcheol asks

“It would be weird to be an engagement ring,” Jeonghan acknowledged the absurdity that envelopes the situation that you two are in, you want to try to take off the ring and just throw it across the field of mini golf, but a) it looked extra expensive, b) the three guys didn't even blink looking at your hand.

“Did you buy for aesthetic proposal?” Seokmin asks, "A girl that works with the human resources team did buy one just because she thought it was pretty."

“Of course,” Seungcheol claps, “I mean fashion was never your strong suit,” He says and it almost feels like a jab, “I almost brought that one, Jeonghan was dead set on this, saying it was the ring, but it was a bit on the expensive side”

“How expensive are we talking about?” You try to pry your body from reacting physically to the fact that Jeonghan shredded a fucking invoice and receipt, and the fact that even Seungcheol - the guy who buys twelves tumblers just because it was cute and ends up giving them away finds that expensive sets a new parameter of money waste.

“You didn’t check the price?" Seokmin asks, when you remain silent he continues, “Wow be you must be nice, balling and shit."

“How expensive are we talking about Seungcheol?” You try again, "Seokmin?" If you can’t return this damn thing at least you can try to sell it later. If you can’t find someone who can buy this you can sell for those weird and sketchy stores but you need to know how much you are actually losing on the deal, well, not you, Jeonghan but still, if you know the man he will just accept his fate and never move a muscle to deal with this ring situation.

“You really didn't check the price hun?” Seungcheol questions raising his eyebrow, like he always did when he couldn’t quite believe in you and it always made you feel angry with him. It was a tale almost, even when you were telling the truth he always raised that eyebrow questioning you, making you explain yourself.

“I brought the ring,” Jeonghan says nonchalantly like he is saying that he brought the bread on his way home. Jeonghan had this thing, a completely loath to let other people know his truest feelings. Even if he was one step away from a panic attack he would not tell you.

“Why would you do that?” Seungcheol asks again his voice is two tones higher, and you feel like he is questioning the two of you, and in his own mind he is the bad cop in the situation - Seungcheol liked that type of shit, and you think that maybe he is so into that because Jeonghan is his polar opposite, never giving Seungcheol a reaction.

“I told you I thought it was a beautiful ring man,” Jeonghan deadpans and take his fingers to move his bangs out of his eyes - making him look like a fucking prick, looking down at everyone else, and you know that just tickles something in Seungcheol. “What I am trying to say,” Jeonghan tries again, “is that the ring It is not an engagement ring because I didn’t ask her to marry me yet,” Jeonghan says walking by your side and enveloping your shoulder in an awkward hug. “I just confessed my feelings, it might be over the top a bit but you guys know I just had my eye on the ring.”

“Dude! Finally!” Seokmin says hugging Jeonghan, and you almost feel yourself choking on air.

When Jeonghan is free he whispers against your ear, his breath on your skin making you shrink, “Just bear with it.”

“What?” Seungcheol asks “Out of nowhere, you confessed your feelings? With an engagement ring?”

“Not an engagement ring Seungcheol we won't crash your wedding, relax,” Jeonghan says again, rolling his eyes.

“How much it was?” You try again dead set on finding out how much that was, apparently a new hyper-fixation.

“Babe,” Jeonghan says looking at you with a mischievous smile across his face, “it is not polite to talk about the price tag”

“What the hell I am watching right now?” Seungcheol bristled, more in anger than in frustration.

“It was long overdue really,” Seokmin gushed, in a terrible contrast to Seungcheol’s features, his voice is loud and his big smile stretches across his face, “I thought it was so fucking weird you two sharing a hotel room with the excuse of saving money, like we know Jeonghan has money,” Seokmin points to the ring, making your skin crawl.

“We are returning this,” you tell Jeonghan, your voice low while elbowing his ribs.

“Baby I told you,” Jeonghan appealed, grabbing your shoulder “We can’t do that”

“Like I personally found you guys always so weird like, I think I even asked Seungcheol if you guys were married in the past because you guys are really,” he moves his hands in a weird move in a way to mean how close you always had been, “like truly crazy and then I asked Seungcheol and he was like it is never gonna happen and I was like-"

And Seokmin goes on for about a good five minutes about how he thought the two of you were a couple, and in a way, you were so used to it that it didn't even startle you. The problem was that Seokmin truly believed Jeonghan’s lies, one thing was to think that you two were in a relationship - everyone had this basic reaction since the two were in college, even one of Jeonghan’s ex-girlfriend thought of, one of your coworkers too, Jeonghan’s door to door neighbors too, almost every single soul you two met. That alone was something you began to understand, yeah you and Jeonghan had a weird level of intimacy.

If you mash together your college years you can sum up in - of course, we do not date, of course, you can go ahead and kiss him in this horrible pub, oh yeas I am living in his dorm at ungodly hours just because we decided to binge watch a docuseries, oh if I am wearing Jeonghan's clothes? Haha He saved my ass because I doped the coffee on my clothes - ps. The coffee didn't exist, and his girlfriend did break things up a week later, Jeonghan swore it wasn't because of you. Once one guy broke up with you because when he smelled you he could recognize Jeonghan's smell on you, Jeonghan toke as his duty to just fuck up with that guy's mind for a whole month. He told you over and over again that the guy was wrong and basically called you a cheater, so you might as well plant enough evidence to give them the mental image - Jeonghan planted underwear on said guy's returning box, a note with his own handwriting with meet me in secret at the library, and even brought you a small dog plushie to put in the box and when you asked why he said 'he will think another guy gave you a present'.

Knowing Jeonghan and the fact that he loved shocking people this whole act today didn't really shock you, in the end, you were the only that understand Jeonghan, because you would never ever fall for this weird ass act. Your default reaction to anything Jeonghan related was a fair amount of mistrust.

“What are you two doing?” Seungcheol asks again, his voice is laced with suspicion and mistrust.

“Doing what?” Jeonghan asks, his hand going to your hair and placing it behind your ear.

“Whatever you guys are doing,” Seungcheol says pointing his fingers at the both of you, and you think it is dumb to even pretend something to Seungcheol, he knows you, he knows Jeonghan he knows nothing like that would even happen and you still don't know why Jeonghan is even trying to lie to him.

“Jeonghan-” you whine, marrying in Vegas is indeed something that brings you shame and regret but lying to your friends is even worse, how would you deal with that later?

You think you would prefer listening to Seungcheol’s monologue about how both of you are completely crazy, unreasonable, and unreliable, all of that rings true now. And it was Seungcheol, he would end up knowing somehow, even if you didn’t tell him now, you both would end up telling him. This whole scheme would fall like a house of cards somehow. You couldn't knock on Seungcheol door and say haha we were kidding, but Jeonghan could, you would make him do it.

“Seungcheol that’s actually-”

“What are we supposed to believe that after what? A decade you just woke up brought a ring and confessed your feelings?” Seungcheol asks, raising his voice enough to make you look around the damn mini golf to see if anyone is insane enough to care about this damn scene, “When you are a commitment phobe who has been on my ass for the past several months?”

“Look man, can you just drop it?” Jeonghan asks again - in the same aloof way he uses when he wants to piss you off, almost like he is flirting with the idea of being a patronizing prick.

“Of course not, what the hell,” Seungcheol says, his tone still on the angrier side “You didn’t even remotely tell us about this."

“Yeah well some people can actually keep secret,” Jeonghan says bitterly.

“What was that supposed to mean?” Seungcheol questions and just by the tone of his voice you know that shit is going down, you have seen countless fights between the two to know that Seungcheol was on the edge.

“It means that I can actually keep my individuality as a human being because I don’t have a crazy girlfriend who has trust issues so I need to overshare everyone’s personal life because she thinks you can cheat on her every monday to friday man,” Jeonghan quipped. He was not the one who loved to fight, Jeonghan was actually someone who would just shrug and resolve the situation later when it came back to bite his ass, but damn when he wanted to fight he was ready for it.

“Damn,” Seokmin breathed.

“What the fuck Jeonghan,” You and Seungcheol say at the same time, both in disbelief.

“It is the truth, isn't it?” Jeonghan chastised, “Dude you are traveling with friends and somehow the whole lunch was about how your girlfriend was pissed that you actually brought a ring to placate how angry she was."

“Jeonghan stop talking.” you plead, holding his arms trying to get his attention, to make him stop before things end up in a point of no return.

“Why?” Jeonghan asks you this time, eyes focused on you and not Seungcheol.

“Because you are being a fucking asshole now,” you say “This is Seungcheol bachelor’s party the man is getting married,” you try again like Seungcheol is not in the room.

“Oh you think I don’t know about that?" He says exasperated, "We are in Vegas and this motherfucker drink one beer and told us to go to our own hotel yesterday so we needed to get drunk and-”

“Jeonghan,” you say again almost like a kid tugging Jeonghan's by his shirt sleeve.

“We are in fucking Vegas and we didn’t visit one strip club and we are playing mini golf that something off about this whole trip,” Jeonghan says loudly chuckling at his own words.

“Are you seriously right now? You are going on a tirade against your friend because he doesn’t take you to strip clubs?” It is your time to act in disbelief - strip club? Seriously?

“Maybe if we were at a strip club yesterday,” Jeonghan says eying you.

“You know what?” Seungcheol speaks up. “Fuck you, you are uninvited by the way, you go on and on about how you don’t think I should marry, well, then you don’t need to show up.”

You and Jeonghan are left side by side on the mini golf field. Standing there while the world still moving around. You want to break out in laughter, you want to just laugh at how the two of your friends seem to wake up on the wrong foot, you want to knock Jeonghan's head off his shoulder, but you end up just walking to return to the damn golf club.

The whole way to the hotel you and Jeonghan spend in complete silence, not one uttering a single word.

And apparently - now you are the one that wants to start a fight out of nowhere. You are the one that wants to scream about how Jeonghan was being an unreasonable asshole. You try to wrap your head around his reasons, about why he would act like that and nothing that comes up in your own brain seems right.

So when you both are back in the hotel room - now with new sheets thank god, and less alcohol smell you just ask in the most nonsubtle way you can, you hold your own waist and ask like he was a teenager throwing a rude tantrum, “What was that?”

“What?” Jeonghan asks taking his time to take off his jewelry, watch the first thing, and later necklace, if he had any bracelet would be the third step of his routine.

“The whole Seungcheol marriage thing?”

“Well, you don’t have to deal with him drunk every Friday night telling you how overwhelmed and how he feels trapped since they set the wedding date,” Jeonghan says shrugging.

“You told me he was going on and on about how great marriage is,” you say sitting on the bed, trying to understand all the things you apparently didn't know about Jeonghan and Seungcheol.

“Yeah, he has his own list of cons in his note app," Jeonghan huffs, "every time he thinks about calling it off, I think I just memorized it because he reads more than once a day”

“Fuck,” you say in a breath. In your own mind, Seungcheol not even once doubted his choice to get married, not even once seemed unsure of his decision.

“I was the one that said Vegas," Jeonghan says sitting on your side, both of you looking at the widow that faces a fucking parking lot, "I thought that he would get drunk enough to actually mess everything up because he can’t do sober, and by mess everything up I mean breaking up with his crazy girlfriend."

“Yeah, still, you didn’t need to be a fucking asshole,” you say seriously this time trying to face him.

“Well, I panicked ok?" Jeonghan finally breaks, "I wasn’t going to tell that man who is having a daily mental breakdown that we married in fucking Vegas.”

“I mean, I don't know about you but I think your friendship with Seungcheol is more important than being lectured because you married in Vegas, Hannie,” you tell him softly, patting his thigh.

“Well,” Jeonghan says, letting his hand on top of yours, “I guess I can't be gracious always,” he says with a sad smile.

“I know you are stressed out," You say calmly, "but you lashed out at Seungcheol and it wasn't great,”

“The fuck you are defending him for?” Jeonghan says standing up and pretending he is searching for something in that damn room.

“Are you serious?”

“What?" Jeonghan chuckles, "he can go on and on about how I am a commitment-phobe type of guy who is fucked up enough to not have a fiancée like him and it is all good and fun and games? But when I call out his fucking weird relationship I am the bad guy?”

“Jeonghan,” You try but before you can even finish he cuts you.

“No, don't Jeonghan me, the fuck,” he retorted, “you have the excuse of not knowing because I don't tell you, you could think I am an asshole and a horrible boyfriend because every time someone breaks up with me even though I am a great catch,” he laughs bitterly, “You can do that, Seungcheol can't do that, he doesn't have an excuse, he knows why.”

“I never ever think about you like that,” you say sincerely because it is the truth, never once have you thought about Jeonghan being afraid of commitment or being a shit asshole. You always thought about how every girlfriend of his always looked and sounded more in love with him than the other way around, but that wasn't exactly a character flaw.

“I know,” he says already sounding exhausted.

“No I don't think you do,” you say sternly, “like it never crossed my mind really, I always thought about how they were crazy for letting you go, so what you don't want to marry someone? the fuck you can still have a great life and a great relationship with someone without a ring, and I know you are capable of it," and to your own ears you sound almost bitter, how they could be so dumb? To have a chance to have Jeonghan and let him go? “You have always been there for me, you never once wavered, I have no reason to ever think of you in that light and I don't think Seungcheol is being fair, he wasn't, but he is getting married in three weeks Han.”

“Yeah and I am telling him his girlfriend has been a freak since week two when she threw a fit because she was jealous of you,” Jeonghan says shocking you, "because according to her own crazy brain, you are way too close to men so who knows what you will do when she turns her back."

“Of me?” You say pointing at yourself, “Damn, she is crazy."

“That’s what I am trying to tell him, and he isn't fuck listening I guess.”

The whole afternoon you think about Jeonghan.

You think about him when he is lying in the bed on his cellphone, and you continuously think about him when you find him napping in the same bed. You think about everything you don't know about your friend, and you think about everything he doesn’t share with you, that he chooses not to. And you know every single human has secrets, and there are things Jeonghan doesn't know about you too. But knowing that it is one thing, dealing with the emotions that come with it is another thing altogether. Why he would not tell you? Why he would tell Seungcheol?

Those questions live in your brain, rattling and making sounds every time they crash against your skull. You think about your friendship as well. Jeonghan was always there for you. He was there when you had your first heartbreak in the third year of high school, he was there when Mark broke up with you in college, and he was there every step of the way. He was there when you were sick, he was there when your favorite auntie died, he was there when you were panicking before your first job interview, he was there. You just couldn't wrap your mind around the fact that someone would call a man like that a commitment phobe or break up with him.

And what he said was true in some way, Jeonghan never broke up with anyone, he was always the one who was dumped and weirdly okay with it. Every time you talked about someone who didn't know Jeonghan you always painted him as the perfect guy, and it was true - he had a great job and his bank account was crazy even though he worked to the capital devil, he was someone who ha they shit together too, he helped his parent, he helped his friend, his house was never messy.

Every time you broke up with someone you talked about how you wanted a guy just like Jeonghan, nice and fun, but also low maintenance in a way, someone you could just comfortable be being with, without having to try too hard and do too much. And every time you met someone new, you always trusted Jeonghan's opinion, if he vetoed someone he had his reasons, like the weird guy that two months later was on the news because he emptied someone's bank account because they let their bank account info saved on the computer or something like that.

If you thought about it - really being married to Jeonghan was not even close to the worst thing that happened to you. Founding a dead rat once in the subway was worse, or that time when you found out that your roommate left the door open for weeks before you just never went to sleep before her just so you could make sure to close the door, and 95% of the time she didn't close the fucking door, that was worse than being married to Jeonghan.

“The fuck?” Jeonghan groans.

“What?”

“Apparently I messaged my account manager our marriage certificate asking if he could officialize the house-buying proposal, and apparently the bank green flaged it? The owner needs to accept the proposal of course, and it may take a while but-" Jeonghan stops halfway, almost like zooming out, staring at the wall ahead of him.

“I guess you are soon to be a house owner?” You question bringing Jeonghan back to reality.

“No, no-"

“Seriously if it is something that is helping you I don't mind, we can come back to Vegas a few weeks after the deal to annul it I looked up online it is not that hard we just need the documentation and the wedding certificate so," and it was true - you did research how to deal with the whole thing, it seemed easy, maybe that's why they actually let people marry crazy drunk, so they can pay to annul it and the city double the revenue, apparently crazy amount of drinking and casinos were not paying the bill.

“About that,” Jeonghan says, his hands tugging the sides of his hair.

“About what?” You ask.

"The wedding certificate,” he says, finally looking at you, his eyes big and still puffy because of his nap, “I think, I mean- I am pretty sure it is shredded with the receipt and invoice."

“What the fuck Jeonghan?” You shout, oh man, you are going to kill this man. The image is already on your head - jumping on that very same bed like a crazy woman and kicking him before you just kill him with your bare hands.

“I know,” he says almost in a grunt, laying down like a starfish.

“Why did you shred everything up for god's sake," you say almost stopping on the floor.

“I don't know okay?" Jeonghan says, sitting on the bed now, his cellphone forgotten, "Why did we marry? Can you answer that?”

“OOh," you huff, "We did get married, but I am soon to be a window if I don't kill in the next five minutes I swear to god”

“Wait, what changed if it is helping me?” Jeonghan says, back to his mischievous self, with a small smile across his face almost finding endearing the way that you try to threaten his life.

“You are making everything argh-” You are losing your damn mind and if you end up crazy it is Jeonghan's fault, now that he is indeed your husband has another tingle to you like a thriller movie, but you are afraid you are in your own Cameron Diaz Ashton Kutcher low budget 00's movie. Maybe you should take the whole thriller movie, it seems, weirdly, less weird. "First we cannot return this ring now I have to find someone who wants to buy it without documentation so everyone will think this shit is totally fake, I mean I would too, don't get me wrong I wouldn't trust myself either with this jewelry," you go off - almost missing the point, rambling really, before you get back to the point, "now we need to find a second copy of this certificate I swear to god we could just go to the nearest courtroom and annul the wedding I googled it."

"I already told you you can keep the ring," Jeonghan says - voice low in contrast to your high-pitched complaints.

"Why would I keep this ring Jeonghan?" You question, it sounds weird in your own ears.

The truth is, you did love the ring, it is a beautiful ring but the truth is - you can't keep it. It shouldn't be yours to keep. It should go to someone Jeonghan wants to actually marry, even though you can't bring yourself to take it off your finger, even though you didn't even try to take it off after this morning.

And a breath almost gets locked in your throat. Why? You think, and deep down you know you have your answer but you just shove everything down when you hear Jeonghan's voice, "Well If you sell it I won't take the money."

"I can just pour it into my savings accounts," you say petulantly.

"The fuck," Jeonghan bites back.

"What? You said you didn't want it so I can keep the money," You try your best to sound even close to someone somewhat rational in this matter.

"It is a present you can't sell a present," Jeonghan though, never has a problem looking like he is saying the most rational thing ever even when it doesn't make any sense.

"I totally can," you bite back trying to hold your ground just out of pure spite. He didn't accept that cursed ring which is not even supposed to be yours why the hell he is making such a big deal of you selling or throwing it in the sea?

"You can't," Jeonghan says again, and you think back to your friendship and a lot of times it was like that - a lot of things without proper explanations.

"Why not?" So you just hold your ground - again, he will not win this one, this time he will have to explain.

"Because it is a present I picked up for you. I actually thought about it, I mean before drinking buying apparently, but I thought it would suit you" Jeonghan says, "Just don't sell, if you don't want to use it okay fine but just, just don't sell it, don't hurt a man's pride like that,"

You want to try again - to say you will sell this damn ring if you go to the store and it can't be returned, and you want to say you will throw it on the nearest river because Las Vegas is indeed very far from the sea. You want to push him until he says okay I take the damn ring and I will hold onto it and pass it through generations. But when Jeonghan speaks and he sounds so tired and so hurt you just give up and lock yourself in the bathroom pretending to take a shower before leaving this hellhole of a place.

You look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself how the hell everything happened in such a short amount of time. A marriage, a fight, a ring that makes you go crazy. Maybe you are closer to having a breakdown, maybe it is the time to face things that you are trying to keep hidden under the rug. You think that maybe it is time to just downpour everything.

But like always, you don't. You bottle everything up and pretend that everything is fine.

The last few days in Vegas have been less eventful, thanks God. Jeonghan and you go to weird restaurants and for a walk around the town, and you think about how you got married in the city of Sins.

At least it is fitting to think that pride and wrath have something to do with your own stay in this city.

You often think about Seungcheol, sending him and Seokmin a message or two, or a total of 15. Seokmin answers you, Seungcheol doesn't. And you need to hold yourself back when you type down a fuck you but don't send. You try to pry on Jeonghan's end too, but after the third time that he just doesn't answer you with words but just a cold stare you just let it go. Maybe that's why Seungcheol and Jeonghan have been friends for so long - pieces of the same cloth.

The flight back is not that tricky but at the same time when Jeonghan drops you out at your door, you are ready for a 30 minutes shower and drop dead for a whole week. When you open the door you are glad that your roommate at least remembered to close and lock the door. Character development you think, maybe she is getting better, maybe you don't need to actually move into Jeonghan's house as a safety precaution. But something doesn't seem quite right - there is a new sofa in the living room, which isn't exactly a problem, really, your sofa kinda sucked. But when you look again, you understand what is missing.

No, she didn't, she would not be that crazy. You refuse to believe that. You left all your luggage in the middle of the living room and ran to your bed, maybe she put the side table there, of course, maybe she just moved because the new sofa seems bigger. But there is nothing that resembles the side table in your room, so you try again - her room now, still nothing.

You send a message.

You try to call.

So you try the next best thing - call Jeonghan so he can calm you down. He doesn't pick up. You sit on the floor, right beside your luggage, and you refuse to sit down on that sofa, it is pretty it seems comfortable but now is the object that you hate the most. You would prefer, I don't know, to take part in a scientific experiment that might fuck up your brain function than sit down on that thing.

The concept of time and space is a funny thing you think when you lose count of how many minutes or hours you have been staring at the door, it has been probably a long time. Until your roommate opens the door with a big guy by her side, great, all that you needed was an audience for your lash out.

"Oh," she says, big guy with his big hands on her hips and he knows he is not getting laid today, because he sees you and he gets so upright he seems like a fucking power pole, "I didn't know you would be back today."

"Laurel, darling, where is my side table?" You ask without beating around the bush.

"Oh right," she says letting her keys on the counter without fucking locking the door you have never been closer to a have a fucking stroke, you can feel your blood pressure rising, "the sofa was a bit bigger, you know I told you I was thinking about changing and this was on discount, but the table didn't really had a place in the room anymore so I put on marketplace a cute girl come up to pick in the same day, great right?"

You blink once, twice, and the words don't even come, you are so astonished that you are left speechless. Maybe you could get over the unsaid desire of getting murdered by a serial killer, and maybe you could get over the leftover food on the counter, and you could even get over the whole singing in the shower when you are fucking tone-deaf really.

But that. That was one thing you could never get over.

"Are you fucking insane? Are you fucking crazy?" You ask, the big guy taking a step back, "Or do you just have fun being the most self-centered bitch in this part of the country?"

"What the fuck?" She says, and oh god, you want to jump on her bones, you want to leave this woman bald.

"Did you ask Laurel?" You ask again, remaining sitting on the floor because if you pick yourself up you are probably no longer be a first-time offender. "Did you ever think about asking if you could sell, give or even create a fucking bonfire with the wood of my deceased auntie's side table? Did you fucking asked?"

"Oh I didn't know," she says simply. You feel the tears streaming down your face and you don't actually know if it is because of sadness or anger.

"So funny Laurel because I don't even fucking know how you function like a human being because your brain is so fucking empty of common sense really," you bristled, finally getting up and picking up your big backup, "Look I don't know how I don't care really, it is up to you, but you get my table back in perfect state, and you will pay this month rent fully because I am not living with you I would prefer Satan as my roommate really, and you may as well find another roommate because I will not move a muscle to put someone inside this apartment," You say moving past Laurel and the crazy big guy, "and by the way Laurel? I would fucking lock the door today you don't really think about how many insane people leave in this world."

You say finally get out of the apartment.

You don't really stop walking because you are afraid you will just fall on the ground, crying in the middle of the street in the fetal position, not really a pretty picture. You know Jeonghan's house is not really far, a twenty minute walk. You wish you had an epiphany when you see yourself at his door, a moment to say 'wow why am I here?'. But you know yourself enough to know why, you know Jeonghan enough to know why you are at his door.

You know Jeonghan will open the door for you, and you hope deep down that he will hunt Laurel-the-sattan-spit-roommate down.

When Jeonghan opens the door, he looks puzzled, his face shows that he is trying to understand what is happening. You are sure he was ready to say that he didn't order something and to check on his neighbor.

"What happened?" Jeonghan asks when he sees you on his door instead of a lost delivery guy.

"Laurel," you say, and before having the chance to say anything else, you already feel the pain, you don't want to cry but you end up doing that nonetheless. You even hiccup once or twice before you feel Jeonghan's arms against you, enveloping you, making you feel safe.

"What did she do?" Jeonghan tries again, one of his hands still around you, while the other cradles your head, his hand softly stroking your head.

"She sold my side table," you say, still hiccuping your way through the sentence and you feel so fucking dumb, crying in Jeonghan's arms, and you feel Jeonghan's body goes completely rigid before he holds your face in his hands and you almost flinch because you cannot face that man in this state, and second, his hands are cold.

"She sold your side table?" He asks and you just nod, it is the only thing you can do, "The side table?" He tries again just to receive the same reaction, his hands wrap around you, but this time he hugs you tighter, your head smashed against his chest and somehow you find a resemblance of comfort.

Jeonghan takes you to the kitchen, and when you feel his arms release you, you just sink to the ground, your back to the cabinets. Jeonghan hands you a cup of water, and hugs you again, his hands rubbing your back like you are some kind of a toddler, and that alone makes you sniff even more. That motion alone takes you back to your college days when you went back home to your auntie's funeral - Jeonghan drove the whole way, and the only sound inside the car was you crying. Back then you didn't know that Jeonghan lost an important exam so he could drive you back home, later when he was pilled with an ungodly amount of work and told you he needed to do an extra project so he didn't fluke his class you cried all over again - part of it because you felt guilty, part of it was because it was Jeonghan, and you could count on him for anything.

And here he was, years later taking care of you again. You never doubt he would, that alone - the certainty that Jeonghan is in your life should scare you, but it never did. Not now, and not even back in college when Seungcheol joked about every time a new girl showed up alongside Jeonghan. Somehow you knew that Jeonghan would be there if you needed him, if you ever shouted that man would run leaps. The thing was, Jeonghan never told you anything remotely close to make you believe that, he never promised you anything, but Jeonghan actions always reassured you that no matter what, he would be there if you needed him the most.

You think about it how - weirdly - you were never in that position, how you never once was that person to Jeonghan, the person that reassure Jeonghan or be someone he could lean on. There is a deep down desire that you don't quite acknowledge over the years - that you want to be someone important to Jeonghan. Someone as important as Jeonghan is to you.

When you feel you can finally breathe you get out of Jeonghan's hold to go to the bathroom, in a way searching a way to escape your own feelings and thoughts, pretending you just need to wash your face. When you return to the kitchen, Jeonghan is in the same place, sitting on the floor staring at his own hands. Now, calmer, you take the whole scene of the kitchen; the single glass of wine on the counter, the open bottle, Jeonghan's cellphone, and his notebook.

“Were you drinking?” You ask after a while, sitting on his sides and copying his positions - legs stretched and back flushed against the cabinets. The hiccups are still there but they’re less frequent now, and you can finally breathe on your own.

“Yeah I was,” Jeonghan says, stretching his legs and looking at his feet cladded with old socks.

Jeonghan thinks about the minutes before you arrived, how he was just scrolling on his phone and drinking alone because his mood was so dreadful that he didn't want to make anyone suffer in his company. The only person he would subject to a vent session was Seungcheol, so drinking alone was the only answer. The truth is plain and simple really - Jeonghan has been feeling miserable for quite some time now, mainly because even though it pays extremely well his job sucks. He works for and with shitty people, but it pays well, so that should be enough - why it isn't? But all of that seems so fucking small against the feeling of you losing the last physical thing of someone you loved, someone who was so important to you.

“Why were you drinking alone Jeonghan?” You ask, giving his thigh little taps but still looking ahead - you see yourself in the mirror, you are so swollen you can't face the man like that.

“I,” Jeonghan ponders, thinking about if it is the right time to just go on a tangent about how he works sucks, how his best friend isn't talking to him, and how he wants to go back to his high schooler self and just start everything over, even if he fucks everything over is way better than this gray area that he is stuck on. “We can talk about me another time,”

“Just," You breathe deeply, your head almost knocking against the counter door, "do it for me then,” you tell him softly, almost pleading, “tell me so I can take my mind off this shit.”

“I think,” Jeonghan says, “no, scratch that,” he laughs dryly, “I am sure that I am fucking miserable,” he looks at you waiting for your reaction, “and I’ve been miserable for a while, I just fucking hate everything,”

“Han-” you try to say, and you almost feel like you don't have tears anymore, but if you could physically cry you would.

“I am not depressed, don’t worry, I just,” he trails off, “I hate that fucking job and if I have to spend another year there I would probably kill a rich guy, I have a few investments, and I have savings, and I-”

“You should buy the house,” You blurt out, remembering Jeonghan's eyes looking at the pictures of the house.

“What?” Jeonghan says almost choking on nothing.

“You should buy the house, just give me one room and I will pay rent, we can share utilities and food, and then you can quit,” you declared like it was something people just do on a whim, like you are not even having a stroke just thinking about the process of ending your lease contract, but the sky can open you are not sharing another day in that apartment.

“Not a great deal when I have a fucking loan on my name,” Jeonghan bemused, almost laughing at your non-sense.

“Just don’t tell the bank,” you shrug.

“Well,” Jeonghan says, almost like he is trying to assess the situation, see how everything could plan out from different angles.

“Come on, tell me,” You say finally caving into your curiosity, poking Jeonghan with your elbow.

“Tell you what?” Jeonghan asks but you can feel the playful tone in his voice, almost a childlike wonder of being caught doing something he shouldn't do.

“What is the plan?” You whisper - you don't know why but this whole thing seems like a secret, like something Jeonghan doesn't want to see the light of day yet, something he has been keeping under wraps.

“What plan?”

“I know you Jeonghan," You say finally looking at him, a small smile still stretched across his face, "I have known you for quite a while, come on, don’t underestimate me,”

“What are you talking about?” Jeonghan says playing the fool but the smile is still there, making you probe a little bit more.

“I know you, you would never think about quitting without a black plan besides having a few savings and weird investments, tell me,” You almost pleaded, turning your body to him, your hands on his thighs supporting your own weight on him. And you know you need to bring out the big guns - the begging eyes, almost laughing at yourself.

“Fuck,” Jeonghan laughs at you, his head tilting back and all, like you are the most amusing creature ever.

“Come on,” you urge, using your hands on his leg to almost shake him.

“It is not a plan, it is a desire,” he begins, “I’m thinking about sitting down and doing a few design classes, it can be online but,”

“No-” You say surprised, your smile big across your face because you know where this is going.

“Maybe,” he says still leaning on the counter, eyes closed and that infuriating smile still on.

“You can totally do it,” you tell him almost jumping on your place.

“It is not a plan yet,” he explains, in a vain attempt to make you tone down your excitement, but every time he looks at you he thinks he can give you that, soothe your pain with his dreams and hopes that won't really get out of paper. At least today he can do that for you.

“I can help you,” you say, finally changing positions and sitting almost by his feet, facing him, Jeonghan's hand on your ankle.

“How can you help me?” He asks you, squeezing your ankle and you pretend you are going to kick him, but he just holds your ankle and puts it on his lap.

“We can do it,” you say completely seriously because you truly believe he can do it, achieving his teenage dream job. “You know me, I am an army general, I have discipline, and I love a good worksheet, I am an editor,"

“What you being an editor has to do with it?” Jeonghan says while he tickles your feet, making you almost jerk.

"Stop that," you say using your other to nudge him, "I did a few children's books mind you,” you say, using your free hand to pinch Jeonghan's feet in the form of a threat, “I know how to promote things, I know how to deal with due dates and with manufacturers, you just need to sit down after lunch watch your boring ass class like a college student and hand your resignation letter,”

“It is not something that will actually work and be profitable,” Jeonghan huffs.

“Jeonghan, be honest with me,” you say, this time in a more serious tone.

“Okay,” He says, hands leaving your feet and closing together on his stomach.

“Would you ever take that leap with you couldn’t live till 90 years old with the money you have on the back?” You joke, breaking him in half, his laughter resonating in the kitchen.

“No?” He jokes back.

“We are doing it,” you say like his opinion in his own laugh and plans don't actually matter that much, but Jeonghan just smiles back at you - sometimes, he thinks about how you are the only one who can actually match his insanity, the only one that goes with his plan, or come up with even weird ones.

And Jeonghan knows he is fucked, because every time he thinks he can’t love you more you show him that love grows and expands beyond borders. Lately, Jeonghan favorite song is My Love Mine All Mine, and when he looks at you, in his kitchen, face still swollen and red from crying Mitski sings in his ear - Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine Nothing in the world is mine for free But my love, mine, all mine, all mine. It resonates with him, the fact that his love for you is his to carry. And this alone makes Jeonghan happy in a weird way, because he knows how much love you deserve, and he is happy that he is the one that loves you, and he loves you for free.

Even though Jeonghan knows you don’t love him like he does love you he thinks about how you are the only person that is always there for him. Everyone that he knows would make Jeonghan just let it go. Why the fuck he would build a business around children’s toys? Why would he resign and leave a great career that gives enough money and intel to just go around and draw a few rabbits and frogs on a page? Just because of joy? Jeonghan always knew that joy alone could not make you survive on this earth.

But yet you were doing just that. Telling him to drop everything and just try to be happy. Right now Jeonghan could drop on his knee and ask you to marry him if you weren’t legally married and if he wasn’t a fucking coward. Sometimes he hates himself for that, the way he holds onto something he knows it is not quite enough but it is the only thing he can have.

Jeonghan thinks about- everything really, but mostly how joyful you are in your own way. How you would buy sweet treats just for the sake of it, how you had every single first copy of the books you worked on even if they were beaten in the process and almost unreadable. He thinks about the first time you showed up on his door, a big book in hands and a smile across your face, buzzing full of pride because it was your first fucking book and your boss give you one in the very first batch - back then you were just the one that did the toughest job, reviewing everything.

Jeonghan knows he loves you, he knows for quite a while.

Jeonghan knew before the first girlfriend dumped him because he was jealous of you. When his third girlfriend asked him if he liked you he couldn’t even lie, when his fifth girlfriend broke up and for the fifth time, the reason was you he just stopped trying dates altogether.

Jeonghan doesn't remember much of the marriage itself, he remembers bits and pieces of an Elton John in a 70's costume and how the chapel was way hotter, making Jeonghan's armpits wet, not a great look for a groom. But he remembers everything before that - in a less hazed lens. He remembers telling you in the hotel bar how he loved you for quite a while now, and how you looked so shocked - telling him he should quit lying. He swore on his first dog's grave, weirdly that made you believe him. He told you how he hated Mark - your college boyfriend that literature guy who gave you poems that you still keep as presents, he remembers you saying how you would keep every post-it note if Jeonghan wrote them in the future. It was a promise, you said holding your pinkie finger out for him. He remembers buying you the ring, you outside the store because he knew you would think that the chosen ring was too much, too big, too expensive, any ring will do it you told him before letting him inside, but he couldn't do it, he could only choose the prettiest ring for the prettiest girl.

Jeonghan remembers his vow, promising he would take care of you, that he would write love letters for the rest of his life on every special date because you hated presents. And Jeonghan remembers how you two kissed in the chapel, on the uber back to the hotel, in the hotel room - more than you should have, because now it is the only thing he can think about it and you don't fuck remember. Jeonghan thought about running, about changing cities and even country - investments were pretty much the same everywhere in the world really. But the reality was that even if he moved, his love was still his to keep, and he would do that heartedly. He was a coward, but he still had his pride, and if that was the price to pay, then, be It.

“Hey, come here,” He says, finally lifting himself off the ground.

“What?” You ask, looking at him still sitting on the floor.

“Come here,” He says again, giving his hands so you can get up.

“What? You are weird what is going on,” you say finally getting up on your feet.

“Come here,” Jeonghan says and before you approach him his arms are already by your side, enveloping you in a thigh hug. “Thank you,” he says softly, “thank you for everything really,”

“Are you drunk Yoon Jeonghan?” you ask, your own voice muffled by the tight embrace.

“No,” Jeonghan laughs, and you can feel his whole body move, “I’m serious, thank you for being there for me even when you have shit on your own to deal with,” He says, his chin on top of your head, “and thank you for not thinking I am a commitment phobic asshole.”

“You are still on that? I told you I never saw you like that stop being dumb."

“I know, I am just-” Jeonghan doesn't finish his sentence, his arms still around you, his heart beating by your ear.

“Look you are drunk, at least there is nothing much we can fuck up being drunk together after getting married in Vegas," you say and Jeonghan feels a pang, almost like when he stubs his little finger on the corner of random furniture, but he doesn't say anything, "give me a sip of your wine you asshole,” you say getting free of his embrace and holding the bottle of wine

“Come on! Don’t drink it straight from the bottle, there is a glass right there!” Jeonghan protested.

“Come on Yoon Jeonghan, I know you, I know you since you didn’t have enough cups in your first kitchen, don't play the proper guy with me,” you say like basic manners don't exist, and sitting on his counter.

“I grow up I am an adult now,” Jeonghan says, but he doesn't really move a muscle to pick another glass of wine for you, he thinks it is his biggest flaw - the fact that you can walk over him countless times and Yoon Jeonghan will just let you do whatever you want even if he pretends that it is against his will.

“Oh, totally,” You look at him, and even though the phrase itself has a bite to it your voice is honest, “Not to go back to sappy times, but you really did Hannie, you are really growing so much, and I am so proud of you,”

"Shhhh-” Jeonghan murmurs trying to shut you up and you know it is mainly because he is so fucking shy that you almost laugh.

“By the way,” You say taking another sip from the bottle. “I’m so moving in with you and I can even deal with only one room if you don’t sell any of my stuff.”

“Shut up,” Jeonghan says kissing the top of your head, “you can have the whole house, just don’t set it on fire.”

Ultimately, that actually happens.

You actually move with Jeonghan into his dream house. The house is 98% bare, without the furniture of the last owner besides the utilities. But a) it is better than living with your satan-spit roommate, b) Jeonghan has been sleeping on his own couch for over two weeks now because even though you say it is okay you can't spend that time in your own apartment he refuses to let you near Laurel.

But somehow, Jeonghan and you make a home out of the new house. You take the bookshelves on the left, all the books you edited in your lifetime on a special shelf right in your point of view. Jeonghan takes the bookshelves on the right, a lot of the books you edited and gifted him are scattered across it because he doesn’t really care about arranging his shelves in a particular order.

Every time Jeonghan sees a nice piece of furniture he sends you a picture of it, and you two chat about if it fits the room, and the colors would clash. In a weird way your collection of cups and mugs triples the size, indeed you are engrossed with buying new ones, but the thing is - you always pick two of them now. Jeonghan’s favorite is a weird bunny mug that you never actually use because it ears always make drinking anything impractical.

You two also build a weirdly oiled routine. You two eat breakfast together, Jeonghan wakes up early and when he is just arriving for his morning run you are already scrabbling eggs. When Jeonghan is ready for work you are ready for your own run. When Jeonghan arrives from work you still have one hour to go, so in the end he is the one to always cook dinner. After you two share the dishes and eat something sweet as the dessert the kitchen counter - previously used as a dinner table, now acts an officer table.

While Jeonghan looks up some designer classes, you search manufacturers. When he draws a cute rabbit girl that he named Ttoram, you try to understand how a business works, how you file taxes for it? Sometimes Jeonghan does the dirty work himself after he finishes a new version so you get your pink glittery pen and write in post-it what you think about the new product; ‘what is this material arrow-drawing pointing to a specific part of a squish toy’, ‘her head seems big are you sure she won't flop head first in someone’s bed?’, ‘are you sure? I think lamps are quite expensive.

The house gets filled with new art supplies, sometimes Jeonghan orders a bunch of them online, and sometimes you are the one that brings back a single pen or a new colored pencil that you pick up in arts stories every time you go to a meeting. The house is filled with paper and drawings, your favorite ones is always the first drafts - the ones that Jeonghan does on the non-quality paper, the ones that he does on pieces of paper, the ones that look less refined and to you are filled with children-like joy.

Another curious thing is how somehow you and Jeonghan seemed very addicted to post-it. Besides the practical use in the drawing drafts because Jeonghan was an old soul who couldn’t do his work on an Ipad like a normal human being in this day and age, you also used to communicate - ‘please buy eggs!’ you wrote and left on the kitchen door, ‘already set a reminder on my phone so i don’t forget to stop at the market!’ jeonghan replied. “Didn’t see u before I left :( don’t forget to take breaks” he wrote, somehow the post-it ended up in your office, and you glued it on the computer screen beside one green post-it with a frog with a raincoat on.

Every time the fridge was out of space for new ones you took them off one by one, with a smile on your face, and kept them in a box, safely stored. You always noticed one or two missing but you always thought the wind knocked them out and Jeonghan, that traitor, threw them in the garbage. In short, everything stayed the same with a daily dose of domestic life. The problem was - that it didn’t stay the same for very long.

And as hard as it was to admit, it was your fault.

There was no way around it.

It weirdly began every time you saw Jeonghan around the stove. The fact that Jeonghan was beautiful-handsome-pretty was not news to you. You, and every human being that laid eyes on him, always reached the point where you acknowledged how pretty Jeonghan was. In college it was a fucking nightmare, guys and girls banging on his dorm room when you two were watching a movie just because they thought Jeonghan was alone - the fact that he didn’t have a roommate because he bribed someone (one of the most Jeonghan acts that you ever witnessed, but that was beside the point - really) only added to the fact that 87% of his course thought he was down to bang anytime. The truth was that you always knew that Jeonghan was someone objectively good-looking, but there was a catch, even though Jeonghan was beautiful you didn’t really feel attracted to him and he knew that. Countless times you told him he was too pretty for his own good along with the lines that he wasn’t your type, ‘what the fuck that supposed to mean’ he answered the first time you said that, back in high school. With time it turned out to be your standard answer to every girl that was attracted to him and wanted a shot with him but somehow thought he was your boyfriend.

You know that Jeonghan is good-looking, and you know that for fucking years so why are you going a little insane every time you get in the kitchen and the man is cutting some onions? Truly it happens in the weirdest hours, out of nowhere, your brain reminds you how hot Jeonghan is - and that is even scarier because you knew that the man was handsome, but hot? That’s a new development. Once he arrived from his morning run, his hair a little damp, sweat dripping down his neck, and only with a thigh shirt because he already removed his go-to wind-breaker and you almost collapsed on the kitchen floor. That alone was mind-blowing.

The horrors begin when you just couldn’t deal with his touch without your mind going to the fucking gutter. When he touched your hips to make your move because he wanted to open a drawer, or when he dropped down on the sofa without leaving space between your bodies, his hand tapping your thigh. Out of nowhere, you are combusting because his hand feels hot against your skin, goosebumps appearing across your skin Jeonghan asks you if you are cold. And the fact that Jeonghan is touching you isn't necessarily super weird, he always did that, but somehow you feel that his touches changed and you can't quite pinpoint how besides the fact that you are reacting differently.

It doesn't really help your case that Jeonghan develops a weird habit of wrapping his arm around your neck. It happens everywhere, even in public and every time you can feel yourself grow a little hotter. You were supposed to pay attention to Minghao’s new paintings, a designer slash illustrator slash painter whom you worked with for a few book covers, and somehow in the middle of the opening of his new exposition, you can’t even think about the impasto on his oil paintings because Jeonghan hands feels heavy on your neck, his fingers touching the lateral of it almost rubbing. Every time you take a step to try to see the paintings up close Jeonghan doesn’t let you leave his hold, his body close enough to be pressed against your back, half of your back feeling hot because of his presence, half of it feeling cold because of his absence.

“Hao!” You say when you finally see the man of the hour, black hair on black coats, his hands behind his back looking around all the people that came just to appreciate his work.

“Hey,” He says opening his arms for you.

“Congratulations,” you say feeling the arms of Minghao around your back, your body though prefer to pay attention to the weight of Jeonghan’s eyes on you, “everything is mind blowing,” you say to the man - his hands still on your body, yours on his shoulder, until you hear Jeonghan clearing his throat in order to get you to notice his existence, and you almost laugh, “Hao this is Jeonghan, Jeonghan this is Minghao.”

“Great job man,” Jeonghan says in a weird tone, giving Minghao two little pats on the back and taking a step by your side, his hand on your waist.

“Thank you,” Minghao says politely, like he always does, “It is a pleasure to meet you, you are in the book industry too?” Minghao asks with his hands in his pocket,

“No,” Jeonghan almost scoffs, him? and books? God forbid, “I work with investment these type of things,”

“Oh, so you are not in the art business then,” Minghao acknowledges and you know his interest peaked even though you don't know why, maybe because you know Jeonghan so well you don't have much to unfold, while Minghao just seems weirded out by the fact that you have a Wall Street dude by your side.

“Oh Hao you always flatter me when you include me in the art business,” you say jokingly, reminiscing one of the many conversations you had with Minghao over a bottle of wine.

“I told you," a sly smile across his face, "books are a matter of passion.”

“You did,” you say somewhat reminiscing of the talk you two had back then. It was after calling him up for his second cover, after a meeting where he made you go through the book's motifs and ideas so he could have a feeling of what he should focus on.

“You should come to the after party,” Minghao says, “we could catch up,”

“Yeah I don’t think we can,” Jeonghan says while he checks his watch, he knows the question wasn't directed to him, he isn't stupid and he has two eyes, but he also is a stubborn motherfucker and now he just wants to ruin Minghao's night, and he is not about to Banksy this place up with shredded art pieces - because he is afraid his bank account can't take the lawsuit. “I have a work meeting tomorrow morning” Jeonghan reminds you, his fingers still on your waist.

“Still,” Minghao says, looking puzzled by you two, “you can stay right?”

“I’m afraid I can’t,” you say sorry “Han is driving us back so-”

“Is your phone number still the same?” Minghao asks without dropping a beat, and Jeonghan can give him that, he doesn't know Minghao but the guy just doesn't quit - he knows a stubborn guy when he sees one.

“Yeah, I didn’t change, but if you need you can e-mail me and-” You say before someone calls Minghao, it is his opening after all, a guy in the suit makes a gesture to him when the three of you look to see who was the owner of the voice.

“Sorry, I have to go, but I will call you," He says before giving you a kiss on the cheeks and walking to the guy who just called him.

Jeonghan snorts, really, what was that? He shouldn't find it so funny but it is. He takes a step back, his hands leaving you, while he looks at the painting. You know he is just pretending to analyze everything.

“What?” You ask him - missing his hand on your waist, on your neck, missing his presence around you.

“Nothing,” he says shaking his head, he is biting back a smile - laughter really, and you want to know what it is so funny, you are curious about what is going on in his head.

“It can’t be nothing come on,” you press on, your hand on his shoulder in a way to get some sort of touch from him, to regain some sort of proximity.

“Just-” Jeonghan stops, in front of another painting, his hand going back to your waist, and at the same time you think you can finally breathe again, your breath feels trapped in your throat, making you swallow on nothing, “You didn’t tell me it was an opening night to your ex-fling," he says. Eyes almost tinkling under the light and you know where this is going.

“Hao isn’t my ex fling what are you talking about?” You pretend, trying to get out of this situation because you know somehow Jeonghan will pry on, and he knows how to push your buttons enough just so you can spill everything he wants to know.

“Not fling then," Jeonghan says, hand still on your waist when he starts walking around the gallery with you by his side, until another painting that he really doesn't really care about, "an one night stand.”

“He is a friend," almost rolling your eyes at him, "I told you, I know him because of work,”

“So you are telling me you guys didn’t fuck?” And even though his words my seem harsh his tone is still light - he was truly a jerk but why are you smiling at him?

“Jeonghan, what the fuck?” You yelped, making Jeonghan's sly smile appear again.

“What?” He asks eyes still on you when you pretend to pay attention to the orange painting in front of you.

“Keep your voice low,” you mouthed, “we didn’t fuck,” you tell him again, and it was the truth, but somehow Jeonghan knew how to read between your words.

“Well,” he began, still looking at you even when he tilted his head to the side, a sly smile still on his face like he could see through you like you couldn't keep anything under wraps, and you could feel the goosebumps on the nape of your neck, your whole body tingling, “I am pretty sure it wasn’t for lacking trying on his part.”

“It would be too messy,” you finally blurt it out.

“Ah of course," Jeonghan laughs again and it almost sounds bitter to you, "so he did try, it was after or before saying the book and passion line?”

“After,” you say, your time to laugh, even though you feel the heat on your skin, a crazy addition to new feels because you are not one to actually feel shy around Jeonghan.

“And you laid him down too gently,” he acknowledges, eyes moving through the room again. You follow his gaze, seeing Minghao watching the both of you across the room, you just greet him with a smile.

“What is that supposed to mean?” You ask him, pressing your body on his sides until his arms are back on you.

“Well," Jeonghan breathes, his eyes still rummaging around the room, "I know you can break a guy's heart but apparently you lost your touch with that one because he is still down to fuck.”

“Jeonghan!” You gasped, “No he isn’t you are seeing things like you always do.” You tell him, Jeonghan had this weird superpower that he tuned in college - he could tell a guy was somehow interested in you from miles away, the first few times you actually made a bet on it; fifteen dollars, to pay him for a meal, to go with him to a frat party that his friend Soonyoung was hosting. After the fifth time, you just learned that was better to trust his judgment on it.

“Oh yeah, it truly takes a mind reader to see a guy ogling you across the room and telling you to show up at the after party even tho you have a guy on your arm," Jeonghan almost scoffs, then he leans down, his mouth close to your ear, "truly, his intention was indeed to talk about the impasto or the lighting or the shadow of his hard-on,”

“Jeonghan” you accuse again slapping his arm playfully, laughing at his antics “If I trusted you my ego would be in the clouds because every walking human being apparently wants to fuck me according to you.”

“Not everyone but a great part of it, sure." He deadpans.

“Sure, apparently you are the only exception who else?”

“I’m not,” Jeonghan deadpans again, just shrugging. Because it is not actually something he tried to hide over the years, it is nothing something that he is ashamed of either. And he is pretty sure it is something you already know since college so he doesn't have to lie about it. Jeonghan might be a coward, but he isn't really a liar.

“What?”

“I tried to get in your pants my whole high school years," He says, his eyes still on the painting, or everything that catches his attention, his eyes are everywhere really but on you. "I just gave up after the few first months of college”

“What the hell?” You try again. Everything feels kind of abnormal in your head. The way that Jeonghan says those words - like he is saying that you two should buy soap the next time you both go do groceries, it freaks you out. How can he be so normal about all of that?

And how could you be so clueless? Everything shifts in your brain - like the earth just changed its axes. He never told you anything closer to this, you are sure of it. You never suspected that Jeonghan liked you back then, or scratch that, that he tried to get in your pants. It seems something so unreal that you are having a hard time wrapping your mind around it - around the idea of a teenager and younger Jeonghan wanting something from you that you never really saw happening.

“What the hell what?” Jeonghan stopped dead on his track, finally looking at you, “You didn’t know that?”

“Of course not,” you say exasperated.

“Oh, I thought you were laying me down gently too,” he added, in the most neutral tone possible, making your head spin a little.

“No, I had no idea,” and it is true. You remember everyone from college who thought you and Jeonghan were a couple back then, everyone who found it weird when you two answered that you were just friends. You remember Seokmin, and you think about Seungcheol's words in Vegas and everything is hazed, a little out of focus. “Why did you give up tho?” You ask him.

“I just,” he says still looking forward and avoiding your eyes like the plague, “I mean, besides the fact that you got into he is not my type phase I would never kiss that man, the fact that I tried for four years and it didn’t happen led me to believe that never would, so...”

“I needed to make clear to every girl that was falling and tripping over you that I was not your girlfriend, they were pretty sure we were high school sweethearts back then”

“I think everyone we know somehow ends up thinking we are in a relationship,” he says, “I mean, clearly not goth impasto guy because that would be crazy, hitting on a woman with her husband on her side but”

“You need to pick up your husband's game,” you say kidding, while walking around the gallery with him, “I was indeed mistaken to be a single woman today.”

“I should have bought a bigger ring,” Jeonghan groaned, making you laugh, weirdly you still have the big ring on your finger.

“That’s not the answer,” you groaned because the man truly had this weird obsession with this ring and big rocks. You could tell him over and over again how you didn’t care about the ring or the rocks and he still found a way to make sure you were wearing the ring.

“And what is? If I try to be more territorial within the touch department we would be in jail for public indecency,” Jeonghan says low on your ear, his voice mischievously, while his hand presses on your hips, “Should we just go to jail?” Jeonghan asks, his hands trying to go lower heading towards your butt.

“Jeonghan, don’t test me,” you say seriously, your hand holding his and bringing up on your body. Why the fuck didn’t Jeonghan behave like a proper human being? Why your heart is racing against your ribcage? Why you are enjoying this whole thing?

The whole night you can feel Jeonghan’s hand on you in some way, or on your lower back, your neck, fingers on your shoulder, making his presence known somehow. And every time you think you are starting to understand what happened - what Jeonghan said, what that meant, he touches you again and everything gets a bit hazed, taking you to the start again. Should you read into everything that he said to you? Would you be able to deal with it?

Those questions are still going around your brain in the car back home. Home, that alone was something that didn't make sense either. The air in the car is so thick that you think you can't breathe, the fact that Jeonghan's hand is splayed against your thigh doesn't help with the issue. The curiosity gets the best of you - you want to know all the unsaid things, you want to get under his skin and discover everything Jeonghan even wanted.

He doesn't move his hand, he doesn't stroke your skin, his hand is just there. Again, a reminder of some sort, and you almost laugh - silly of him to think that his presence could go unnoticed by you. Jeonghan has always been there on your mind, and lately even more. It makes your mouth go dry. The feeling is back on the pit of your stomach again. What if? You ask yourself, what would have happened if Jeonghan said those things back then? Would the present be different? Would that have washed away all the curiosity about Jeonghan?

Arriving home you go straight to the sofa and plop down in the middle seat, taking your time to take off your high heels, you don’t know why but you still buy pairs with ankle ties - the bane of your existence when it is three hours later and you have a thigh dress on, maybe that’s why you think you hate those types of event, even though you had a great time, saw a few friends and enjoyed the night with Jeonghan, you always ended up tired with a few blisters on your feet. You can hear Jeonghan’s footsteps around the house while you massage your feet and try to ease the tension.

You turn your body so you can stretch your legs on the sofa, the pain on your calves is killing you. You don’t even turn when you feel Jeonghan entering the room, his perfume and the sound of his slippers are enough to make his presence known. It was always like that? Did Jeonghan's presence always engulf you? Did it always make you unable to focus on anything else? Did it always make you question your own sanity? He sits down on the sofa, in the same direction as you, his legs around yours, his front pressed on your back and you hold yourself back because you almost whimper when you feel your body melting against his.

“You’re tense,” Jeonghan says his voice low, his hands pressing the knots on your shoulders.

“I am always tense and stressed out,” you say, and it is the truth. Jeonghan doesn’t need to know that for the last few weeks the fact that he is the number one reason. You almost rub yourself against him, feeling a little bit crazy and hot all over - oh no.

“Hm,” Jeonghan acknowledges. When his fingers close around your neck you almost jump on your seat, his thumbs traveling across the knots of your spine, and you are not strong enough to not whimper this time, “there’s a lot of things you could do to distress.”

“Like what? A guided meditation?” You joke, trying to get away with it, trying to downplay every reaction of your body.

“Fuck those apps,” he mutters under his breath, he is so close you can feel his breath against your nape.

“Yeah right there,” You say when his thumb presses down in a particular knock on your back.

“This one?” You just nod, don’t trust yourself enough to utter a word that doesn’t sound like a humiliated noise. Since when did you turn into a mess in Jeonghan’s hand? But you just accept your fate, feeling how soft your body feels against his. “Can I open this?” Jeonghan asks, his voice so low you barely hear, but he is so close to you that your ears catch his question.

And you still don’t trust yourself, so you nod again. Jeonghan drops the zipper of your dress and takes his time to gather your hair in his hands, and taking them out of his way, letting your locks rest on your shoulder. His fingertips trails the collar of your dress again, and you can feel the goosebumps across your skin and you know Jeonghan can see them as well.

You can feel the way that Jeonghan’s fingertips travel down your spine as he opens the zipper of your dress. And you close your arms around your chest, in order to maintain the dress in place because you can feel how loose the fabric feels against your body after the zip is down. But apparently, Jeonghan is not even close to satisfied because his fingers are tugging the straps of your dress down your arms.

Jeonghan’s fingertips are still on your skin, stroking your arms when you feel his lips against your shoulder. Before you can think about anything your own body reacts before you, giving space so Jeonghan can continue kissing the column of your neck. Everything feels a little surreal, a blur, you can't quite grasp-

Then, your cellphone starts to ring bringing you back to reality.

“Don’t pick up,” Jeonghan tells you, almost like a whisper against your ear, his hands still around your waist - but then your phone rings again and again and reality comes crashing again and again.

And you want to say that you are ok with almost being undressed on Jeonghan’s lap, that it is ok the way his thighs cage you, that it is ok how his hands feel hot against your body and how his lips feel against your neck. But your phone rings again and it must be important so you stretch yourself and try to find your phone inside your bag by feel. When you finally can reach the phone dies, and you can feel Jeonghan’s smile across your skin - like he just won. But before you can drop the phone you feel it ringing again, and when you pick up the big font appears on the screen ‘seungcheol is the best’. You can feel Jeonghan’s hand freeze against your body, the way he just goes rigid.

“Don’t pick up,” He says again but now something is different - his voice is not low.

“It must be something important,” you reasoned, because it is true. You have been trying to get a hold of Seungcheol since before leaving Vegas and yet the man didn't answer you once.

“Just-” Jeonghan tries, and you can feel his squeezing your shoulders again, almost in a silent plea.

“I haven’t talked to him since Vegas, it must be something important,” You say, your own hands going to his in an effort to show him that you understand what he is trying to say.

“Are you truly doing this right now?” Jeonghan asks and when you don't answer him he already knows.

You look at him but Jeonghan just gets up and off the sofa and leaves the room, in the end, you choose to just pick up your phone and answer it with a low “Hey cheol,” so low that Seungcheol asks if you were sleeping.

Seungcheol tells you he wants to meet, to talk about things. And you say yes because why not? You pick yourself up and close your dress. Before going to your room you stop at Jeonghan's door and before you lose all the courage that you have in your body you knock on the door, nothing, and you try again just to hear the sound of the shower across the room when you glue your ear against the door.

When you lie on your bed you don't really can close your eyes. You feel restless, your mind wavering, and you can't stop thinking about Jeonghan.

What would that mean?

If you took that leap would Jeonghan be there if everything fell apart? A shiver runs down your spine because it is the first that the answer would be a no. You ask yourself why now. What made Jeonghan change?

And you can't even look back anymore - you can't even think about your friendship with Jeonghan without it being tinted, his words echoing in your brain, "I just gave up". You play the whole conversation back in your head, almost like an old VHS tape - rewinding and pressing play, trying to see everything in another angle, rewinding, asking yourself what that meant, rewinding, thinking back, rewinding and pressing play - unfolding all the touches, and the times Jeonghan's hand lingered on your body.

You rewind until the sleep gets the best of you when it is already bright outside.

You wake up to the sound of your phone, Seungcheol calling you because he will run a little late, of course, you say while he just laughs because it is so clear that you were sleeping. When you run down the stairs, almost falling on it because your brain isn't functioning yet, you don't find Jeonghan anywhere. When you look at the fridge and there are no new notes, your heart breaks a little.

The coffee that Seungcheol chooses is pretty, and not very crowded, and even though Seungcheol is late is not a big deal, you use the time to go over a few manuscripts and spreadsheets with a cup of coffee on your side. Or at least you try to, but the truth is that you send Jeonghan a few messages and every time your phone pings you need to check if he is the one answering you - it isn't.

When Seungcheol arrives, you see him first, still from afar, his hair is shorter now. You almost laugh because that is definitely not a Seungcheol's choice, nor a haircut. His hair screamed his fiancée's name.

"Hey stranger," he says sitting across from you.

"Hey yourself," you greet him back, almost laughing at how awkward this whole thing is. Seungcheol and you walking around eggshells. Neither you nor Seungcheol wants to start talking about the whole elephant in the room - Yoon Jeonghan.

You ask him about the wedding preparation, it is going nice he says, he was late because he needed one last fit on his suit. His mother nagged over and over about how he shouldn't wear a navy blue suit, his future wife nagged about how it couldn't be black because the whole vibe of the afternoon wedding was different from a night wedding.

"I'm just happy that you guys worked everything out," Seungcheol says after a while, sipping on his coffee.

"Cheol," You try your heart already tugging on your inside.

"No really," he smiles at you, the way he always does - with a fondness you can't quite handle, like after all those years he still sees you like the kid you once were. Someone who didn't really have hold of her life and in a way, after all those years you feel like that again. "I did a lot of thinking," Seungcheol chuckles, "I think that I always have been envious of Jeonghan in a way," he breathes loudly, almost trying to gather up courage, "here I was, with my wedding date set up and still having doubts about how I feel and if I should go on with it." Seungcheol scratches her head almost like he is ashamed to tell you the truth, "And there is my friend, right? I think that the thing I always admired about Jeonghan was how consistent he was, you know me, in that way, we are alike right? We see shine things and we run towards them, a new project, a thing we like, don't even say anything about the golf gear I swear to god," he says abruptly making you laugh, and it was true in that sense you and Seungcheol were very much the same. "But Jeonghan is consistent, that man's mind is a fucking rock," Seungcheol says like a jab and you can understand why, "and yet he is more sure about you than I am about my fiancée really. And he has been sure for years, I still don't know what made him make a move-, he didn't talk to me prior to that, but I am truly happy that you guys figured it out, it took you long enough."

"I don't even know what to say," you breathe, looking at Seungcheol. You can't blurt out the words - physically unable to tell him. You think about what you should say, you should tell him -'we are not together', 'we didn't figure it out'. You want to tell the truth, you want to come clean, but you just can't. "But yeah, he has always been there for me" you laugh a little soulless. It is not a lie either, but it is not the whole truth, Yoon Jeonghan has always been there for you, but now all the other pieces of the puzzle are coming together. "I think the only thing that hurt him was you going on and on about his commitment issues or whatever.

"It's-" Seungcheol breathes, "it wasn't like that. I mean, sure, he can't commit to anyone who isn't you," he shrugs, "I think it was back when you were going out with that lit kid right? god" Seungcheol laughs, shaking his head like he just found a memory in his treasure box, "Jeonghan was so jealous back then," Seungcheol continues, reminiscing, "he would get furious every time that guy would give you a letter, a poem, anything really. I don't know how you didn't catch up on how much he hated that guy's gut if he dissed the poor kid."

"I just thought-" you stop to think about it, "I don't even know what I was thinking back then, but I never once thought it was because of jealousy, he was dating like 3 girls at the same time back then," you tell, felling the bittersweet taste on your mouth.

"Well," Seungcheol takes another sip, "you know Yoon Jeonghan, when he doesn't get what he wants he tends to fuck everything up and push himself to do shit just out of spite. His high school crush and love of his life found her first boyfriend, how do you think he would handle that? What he could do about that? Try to write poems better than Mark? He tried to believe they were all shitty, trying to forget you was the last thing he could do for himself, even that didn't actually work."

And you feel like you are about to go into overdrive.

It is one of your flaws really, you were never one who would react quickly - your brain always trying to assess and digest everything before being able to take a leap. The problem was that you needed to unpack more than ten years, to go through every file of your life with Jeonghan and try to find a new meaning, trying to find a clue, in search of something you don't know yet, but that could make you understand, or realize.

You spend the whole day feeling a weird taste in your mouth.

The thing is, you can't quite pinpoint what are you feeling, you can't really name it. It somehow resembles feeling betrayed, you think, that you have a cheating boyfriend and everyone knows his secret but nobody has the courage to tell you, and when you actually find out you are the last one to know.

You take your time walking around town and even figure out the longest route to Jeonghan's house.

Even that sounded weird rolling off your tongue.

You try again - picking random memories to try to see if you can find a hiding meaning somewhere, a clue, evidence of Jeonghan's feelings. A crush you could understand, something small like an affection with an expiration date you could understand. You could understand the curiosity that grew in the past month.

But Seungcheol's words didn't point to that, Seungcheol's words were actually pointing in the opposite direction of that.

And if you were being honest with yourself, that made you afraid.

“I talked with Seungcheol,” you blurt out when Jeonghan finally arrives.

“Yeah, we are not going there,” Jeonghan says seriously, without looking at you - avoiding you at every cost. It is a tell, a clue that he doesn't want to talk about it. You don't want either, if you could you would never go there again, but you need to, because living things like they are right now, messy and all over the place aren't working.

“Jeonghan,” you groan, “we need to talk about everything that happened in Vegas, his wedding is in a few weeks."

“I think you were there when he said I wasn't invited so I am not really following right now," Jeonghan says his voice stuffy because his head is inside the fridge in search of something, maybe he is just trying to not look at you.

"He told me you are not answering his calls," You tell him, and before Jeonghan says anything he just scoffs and closes the fridge door without taking anything out. He doesn't actually move, but he doesn't look at you either, his head is hanging off his shoulders, and you know Jeonghan so well that you know that nothing will make him move. You know you are not going to win, but yet you press it on, because you are tired of things being left unsaid, of Jeonghan bottling everything out and things ending up being your fault.

"Why are you being so fucking stubborn about this?" You ask watching Jeonghan just shake his head, "he is your best friend."

“Yeah like Seungcheol’s is flawless,” he bites back.

“Jeonghan this is not the point right now-" You start before he cuts you off.

“It is never the point right?” He asks you, finally looking at you, still holding his weight on the counter, "Is never the point, is never the right time, is never them it is always me fucking it up because it is Jeonghan he is not serious, he can take it, you guys can go on and on and god forbid if someone doesn't wanna take more bullshit from you."

“Come one don’t get angry with me,” you plead.

“Of course, right, I can't even get angry," Jeonghan says before he heads to walk out of the kitchen.

"Jeonghan," You almost beg making him stop and look at you, "we really need to talk about everything."

"Talk about everything or for you to be Seungcheol's spokesperson?" He says, and when you don't answer he completes, "Then no, we are not talking”

“Of course, because that will solve everything," you say almost groaning, "he is your best friend for god's sake, he still thinks we are in a somewhat relationship, he wants to talk to you, he feels guilty for being an asshole. He is sorry." You try almost stomping your feet at every word.

"Well, good for him," Jeonghan says like words don't have enough weight to make him care.

"Come on Jeonghan I'm trying here," you whine.

"Trying to do what exactly?" He asks, "Did you ever think about what actually happened since Vegas?" He says finally looking at you, and you feel even worse. He almost laughs when you don't answer. "Okay, I did, I spent every single second thinking about it and I am really fucking tired of thinking about it. I tried to put it through a different lens, I tried to put myself in other people's shoes, I tried to be reasonable and understand everyone, look I really did, and I did a great job understanding that you forgot the whole damn thing, of course, you can forget me telling you that I am head over hills for you sure, you can forget that you were the one who kissed me back then sure, of course it happens, I mean," Jeonghan scoffs, "I understand for years what is a few more months right?"

"Jeonghan-"

"No, let me finish this because somehow it will be my fault again so let me make everything clear," he says - back again looking at every corner around the kitchen but not laying an eye on you; "Seungcheol knows, he always knew about everything, he knows how many girlfriends gave me fucking ultimatum and I always choose you. He knows how many women broke up with me because they knew I was in love with you, sure, everyone in my fucking life knew but you - I understand that too sure," he stops, breathing loudly and you feel the lump around your throat way to thigh, "and he fucking knows that if I could I would've got over this sooner, so yeah, maybe I was too fucking sensitive when my friend act like I was a fucking coward who has commitment issues and would never do anything about it sure, it's my fault great, I can be responsible for that. I can take that sure, I can take Seungcheol, what I can't take is you playing dumb after last night, that I can't take it, and to be fair I don't want to, I don't have to, and you don't have a lot of excuses this time, I guess you remember right? And I think that time I made myself pretty clear so this time you must know right?"

You have been building your life around Jeonghan's for years. In a way, Jeonghan's life and yours were beautifully intricate, to the point that you weren't quite sure where one ended and one began. You think about how would your life be without Jeonghan's presence, and how would your future look like. And that scared the shit out of you.

"And that took you how many years Jeonghan?"

"Don't do that," he says and his voice feels almost small.

"Sure, I am sorry if I'm being fucking selfish right now, but you had your own time to think about everything, right? You have had years to come to your own terms? I'm freaking out here, do you think that's easy for me? Do you think it is easy to think about the aftermath if this goes wrong Jeonghan? Sure I understand that maybe that is your tipping point great, I understand that, but you are my friend and I don't fucking know how we will go on if we fuck everything up," you laugh, "I think we already passed that apparently."

"We didn't fuck it up," Jeonghan says, "Why can't you trust me for once?"

"I do," You say, and it is the truth, you trust Jeonghan with your life, "I do, I am just scared. You took your time to figure everything out, but every time I look back now I think about everything you didn't tell me,"

"I told you everything," Jeonghan says and you can almost feel his desperation, "I was sincere about everything,"

"Now you are just telling lies," you say laughing dryly.

"Sure I didn't tell you everything, but the things I haven't told you are small in comparison."

"The fact that you like me isn't small Jeonghan," you say, and it finally downs on you, that this - his feelings are a huge thing that you can't quite hide.

"What I am trying to say is-" Jeonghan says, finally taking steps and getting closer to you, "I will not go anywhere," you hear him - even though it feels like he is whispering, "even if we fuck up, even if this doesn't work out, I will not go anywhere, if that's what you are afraid of then you have nothing to be afraid. I won't go anywhere because that would kill me more than would hurt you, and even though everyone around me thinks I am a masochist I would prefer not to die."

"I would rather not hurt you," you say and you feel like you could cry, "I am sorry if I ever did."

"You did," Jeonghan says, taking your hand, and holding it firmly like that act alone can show you how serious he is, "but nothing I couldn't take, even If you hurt me again, I can take it, I will take it."

Even if both of you don't want to, things stay a little weird between the two of you for some time. Like both of you are back to being so conscious of each other presence that it is just weird to jump right back at it, or, actually, take a step in another direction. But things fall back into place - more because of Jeonghan’s attitude than yours. He is the one that calls you for dinner, and he is the one that hugs you when you enter the kitchen.

He is the one that is trying to make things not weird. And you love him for it, you just love him, heatedly.

And the thing is, you always loved Jeonghan, but somehow, this kind of love and appreciation feels new and it is so scary, it makes you realize how everything is so fragile. But, at the same time - it makes you curious, it makes you wonder, it makes you act first just to see Jeonghan’s reaction.

Like when Jeonghan’s is whining about something and how he wants to quit his work so bad and you just hug him - almost melting against his back, placing your chin against his should and you can see Jeonghan freeze for a few seconds before he starts to pay attention on the food again.

Or when you start to watch a movie together and Jeonghan just melts in your lap, falling asleep while your hand goes through his hair. The next day when you whine about it he sweats to God he didn't sleep, he was paying attention to the movie, if you want to he can say the whole movie plot and all.

When the first Ttoram prototype arrives you are so excited that when you both place the little bunny on the dinner table, when she flops down - face diving because her head is too big - you are so happy for him that you just hold his face and place a quick kiss on his lips. Jeonghan looking at you wide-eyed. You almost start to laugh before you mutter:

“I told you, her head is too big,” you say trying to place Ttoram upright again.

“It is her charm, her brain is so big that she is dumb,” He says his voice weirdly fond, hands on your body pulling you into him.

“Yoon Jeonghan,” You stare at him - that weird mischievous smile on his lips, “what is that supposed to mean?”

“You should be honored,” Jeonghan says, holding your face almost making you yelp because his hands are so freaking cold, “You are my muse after all.”

And you almost curse him. But the thing is Jeonghan is cute, so will let it pass.

The thing is most of the time you are giggling and kicking your feet at everything Jeonghan does - that crush is so weird because you used to be stronger than that, now you are just falling in all of his antics, and boy doesn't he love it.

He just says the weirdest things out of nowhere just so he can hear your laugh. He holds you every time he has a chance, just pulling you close to hug you. But his favorite part of this new thing is how movie night now is just the two of you starting a movie to just act like a horny teenager.

Jeonghan is always the one who initiates it in a way. Sometimes is just caressing your arm before you start kissing him and licking against his mouth. Sometimes he feels bold enough and places his hand under your hoodie. The details always change but he always ends up with a hard-on and feeling like his younger self.

And it is happening again, his cock is hard, and he can barely hear the movie that is playing on the tv because you are kissing him and he can feel himself melting against the bed, like his whole body is going limp.

It is stronger than him, really. He wants to stay calm and collected but before he knows it he is already a whimpering mess, fingers digging in on your waist, his hips moving on their own, searching for some kind of pressure.

It is such a weird feeling, feeling so boneless and yet, feeling like he is a string - being pulled thigh enough he is about to snap at any minute.

When you break the kiss Jeonghan almost whines but before he can say anything you are already kissing his jaw so he just breathes loudly - accepting everything you want to give him.

“Can I suck you off?” You ask low on Jeonghan’s ears and he almost drop dead right there, like a fucking high schooler, like a teenager who just cum on his pant and drop dead when see a woman naked. And that would be fucking humiliating. He waited for so long he can't just burst a fucking nut in his own pants.

Jeonghan wants to answer you, he wants to say yes and maybe even mutter a please and thank you but somehow his brain is not even working properly, he is beyond dumb. But his dick is hard against his pants and he cannot even think properly - his brain is working overcapacity right now to try to take everything in.

So he does the only thing he can do in the moment - he pulls you into a kiss, and it is messy but Jeonghan doesn’t really care, focusing on the way you taste against his tongue. Jeonghan feels your cold hand against his stomach and he almost jumps at the spot, but you just whimper against his mouth when he does the same thing.

Jeonghan thinks the two of you are beyond niceties - you just told him you want his dick in your mouth, so he lets his desires win, while one of his hands is holding your waist under your shirt, the other one he uses to grope your ass. He squeezes your ass and at the same time, he tries to get your body even closer. You end up with your leg over him, across his hips, Jeonghan with his last functioning neuron takes the chance to shove his hand under your shorts too.

“Han,” you say when you come up for air, hand still splayed across Jeonghan’s body. “Come on,” you try again whining.

“Hm?” Jeonghan questions, his eyes almost closed and his head bent.

“You don’t want to?” You ask, voice low, taking the time that he uses to think about an answer to trail your lips across his neck, sucking at his skin, “I really want to but if you don't that's okay?”

“Hm?” Jeonghan mumbles - for a second he has no idea what are you talking about, his mind focused on how you feel against his hands, the weight of your body against him, how every curve of your body is pressed against his, how you smell and you taste.

“Suck you off,” you say again against his neck, almost petulantly like Jeonghan isn't paying attention, and he really isn't, but you shouldn't blame a man.

“Fuck,” he says almost whimpering.

Jeonghan was never like this - in his life nor in bed. He was never a mess, not to this point. Jeonghan always pretended to be somewhat collected, holding the strings of his life tight enough he could make his own choices, but it was never like that when the topic was you. So when the feeling pools on his belly, a reaction to how your fingers feel against his throat, taking matters into your hands when you grab Jeonghan's chin and maneuver his face in an angle so you can have access to more of his skin.

Jeonghan thinks he can die like this - almost dry-humping your leg. But apparently, you have other plans, your hand tugging at his joggers. Jeonghan's only reaction is to lift his hips, trying to help. It doesn't help much, but it is enough for you to shove your hands under his underwear, making Jeonghan shiver. When your hand finally finds his dick he almost melts, the tip of your things trying to map out everything before you apply pressure on it. He moans softly before closing his eyes.

He wants to be patient and wants to take whatever you give him, but the truth is he can't quite hold back anymore. His hands left your body so he can get hold of your face, kissing you. "Want to see you," he tells you, using all his strength to take one of the straps of your pajamas down. Kissing your shoulders, trying to map your collarbones with his mouth.

When Jeonghan tries to move the strap down your arm you don't budge, shaking your head telling him no, "don't want to stop touching you," and Jeonghan almost short circuit when your hand wraps around him and give his dick a few tugs.

"I know baby," Jeonghan coos, almost delirious out of his mind, his hand holds your wrist and takes out of his cock and the way that you just whine makes him even more desperate. His whole body is limp, almost melting. Jeonghan thinks he might die if he doesn't get naked, but he is too entertained with the view of your boobs in his face.

He knows there is an easier way to do this but fuck it, he is not in his right mind. Instead of taking out your flimsy excuse of a pajama Jeonghan just shoves It down, tugging at the end of the fabric while he kisses your chest. The way that you hold his head is so delicate that makes Jeonghan feel weirdly treasured even if he is completely debauched lapping at your skin. And Jeonghan takes his time, appreciating every inch of your skin

He could spend hours like this, he thinks - almost melting against you, kissing your chest lazily. He drags his tongue across your skin until he can reach your nipple, his hands come up your body until he can grab your boob so he can angle just right before his mouth is back to your body. Jeonghan thinks he can die like that, it would be a good way to go - your fucking tits on his face, your body pressed on his, his hard-on against your thigh, everything feels dizzy. When you shove your chest on Jeonghan's face, holding his face against you, he just takes it because he is so down and so horny that taking it is the only thing he can do.

"Hannie," you call and Jeonghan really just has enough strength to look up at you, without his mouth leaving your chest, "Just let me-" you try to say without much control of your own situation.

It is not like you are in your right mind either. Jeonghan's hands feels warm on your skin, and he holds you so tight that you think about the aftermath of his grip - you should make a mental note to check for marks after this, and that alone makes you tremble. You can only think about how Jeonghan's body feels against yours, how his mouth is still on you, and you want to cry because it is just so good but not enough. You feel you might cry. Or worse, die.

You press Jeonghan down until his back is pressed down on the mattress. And God he is so pretty, it makes you almost feel delirious.

When you sit down on Jeonghan's hips he feels like he is almost dying. Everyone he ever wanted felting very pale in comparison when he lay his eyes on you - hair already a mess, lips red from kissing him, flimsy shirt pooling at your waist. Your hands sneak under his shirt, and he almost laughs, damn he must be looking so dumb right now - feeling and behaving like a fucking virgin while his crush is on his lap, taking her time with him. You lift Jeonghan's shirt, dragging your hands underneath it, almost whining and frustrated when the shirt doesn't stay around his neck. Cute - he thinks, when you pout Jeonghan realizes he said that out loud.

"Just take it off," you whine again, tugging at his shirt.

Jeonghan just nods, holding your hips for leverage until he is sitting upright, holding the back of his shirt and taking it off in record time, before Jeonghan lies down again he feels your hand on his chin, holding him so you can kiss him again. Damn, he is lucky. But before he can think another thought you are pushing him back on the bad again, his hand on your hips.

Your hands travel on his body, caressing him - making him feel so close to losing his mind it is almost ridiculous. When Jeonghan's feels your fingers graze his neck he feels almost delirious, when your hand palms his chest and your digits press against his nipples it Is his time to whine, he almost feels like it is just too much, maybe he is closer than a step away from coming in his pants.

One of your hands is splayed against Jeonghan's stomach when the other one tugs the waistline of his pants, pulling the elastic band and letting it hit against Jeonghan's skin. You shuffle around his hips, sitting on his thighs now and Jeonghan is ready to complain when you tug on his pants again, this time actually getting the cloth to move and get it stopped by Jeonghan's hard-on.

"Baby," Jeonghan mumbles, "that's too much," he tries again, but apparently there is nothing he can say to make you stop - and in all honestly he doesn't want you to.

Jeonghan thinks he will die if he doesn’t get his dick free. Even though he doesn’t want to he takes the hand off your ass so he can take down his joggers, shoving his underwear down at the same time, his other hand still firm on your waist.

When your fingers close against Jeonghan’s shaft he almost sees stars. You give him a few experimental tugs. He feels so breathless, how is that even possible?

You almost scoff, looking at how even his dick is pretty - really, you should complain because it is so unfair. You press your finger on his slit, collecting the drop of precum, and the way that his dick twitch it makes your mouth water, but before you can even complete your thoughts Jeonghan’s hand is holding your face and bringing it down to another kiss.

If it was up to Jeonghan he would kiss you the whole night, but you had other ideas, using one hand to shove him until he is lying again when the other one is still on his dick. He is pretty sure he can feel your taste against your mouth but yet he feels parched. When you start to press kisses on his body, the only thing Jeonghan can do is take it.

Jeonghan thinks you want to wreck him. He feels you press your lips against his nipples, his hips buckling on its own, and you stroke his dick a little bit harder. Jeonghan can barely breathe, yet, without wasting a second you are doing it again - pressing your lips to his other nipple and licking it.

Before he can even wrap his mind around that you start to lick his belly and Jeonghan almost sees stars. He just feels everything, and apparently, your tongue dragging against his skin goes straight to his dick. Jeonghan doesn't know how, but he lifts himself up on his elbows, the view alone could make him cum - you still kissing him, lips on his hips, pressing Jeonghan's dick against his tummy, fingers rubbing his frenulum and he is just so sensitive that he groans before he can hold your hand making you stop.

"Too sensitive?" You ask and why the fuck do you sound so out of it when Jeonghan is being pulled and pushed around the edge?

"A little," Jeonghan answers breathlessly, his tongue dry against his mouth.

"Ok, noted," you say before doing something even worse - placing your lips on the same place before kissing the tip of his dick.

You wrap your lips around Jeonghan can't really control himself, he just pushes his hips slightly so you can take more of him, and god when you moan around him almost makes Jeonghan forget every trace of decency and good bed etiquette. But damn you just look so beautiful sucking his dick, one of your hands digging on his thigh and the other one still wrapped around his dick that it is physically impossible to not thrust his hips up.

"God," Jeonghan says and he sounds so defeated against his own ears, "fuck, you are so pretty," he tries again, looking at you and when he sees you looking up at him, eyes almost twinkling with the praise. And his mind almost snaps - oh, you felt that didn't you? The joy of discovering something every time Jeonghan's hips snapped. He gets it now. It is almost like a power trip. "So pretty, taking my cock," Jeonghan tries again and he almost can feel your moan against his dick before he can hear it.

Every word that Jeonghan mutters makes you take more of his dick into your mouth until he is hitting the back of your throat, god and how he can take that? Your lips around him, your tongue dancing around his dick, the hollowing of yours checks each time you suck him. He is delirious and out of his mind. He tries his best, he really does, but his hips have a mind of its own, and before he knows it he is thrusting up again making you gag around him.

Then your mouth leaves his dick and Jeonghan feels like he is about to collapse, everything just feels so much - the sound, the spit trail, the way your breath is irregular, fanning against his skin - and yet the intensity of feeling nothing makes him mind spin a little bit.

"Come here," Jeonghan mutters trying to catch his own breath. You crawl up his body and Jeonghan can only focus on how messy you look, lips glossy and pink, and he can see the faintest trail of spit on the corner of your lips, he presses his lips there before he drags his fingers on your lips, "I let you suck my cock, can I fuck you now?"

"Please?" You ask back and Jeonghan can feel his dick twitching.

"How do you want me?" Jeonghan says tugging at the bottom of your shorts and he almost laughs when you just shove everything down at once - and he could laugh really, at your desperation but first, he is way worse than you, second you are so pretty that he can't wrap his mind around the fact that everything he conjured up in his mind every time he thought about you when he was lazily stroking himself didn't do you justice.

"You can stay like that," you say, and before Jeonghan can mutter an answer you are already placing your knees on the sides of his hips, his hands automatically going to your waist, his mouth pressing against your collar bones.

One of your hands goes to Jeonghan's jaw, just holding slightly, while the other one wraps around Jeonghan's dick again - and he swears he would say something but his mind goes completely blank when you press your pussy on his dick. Your hips moving to make his cock disappear between your folds, making it drag against your clit, Jeonghan can feel how wet you are and god everything just feels so hot - he feels tight all over, like his muscles are contracting, even the ones he didn't know he had.

"Are you getting off like this?" Jeonghan questions and his only answer is a whine and your hips buckling against him, "Come on baby," Jeonghan tries again, hand now holding your hip, guiding your movements, "I can-" Jeonghan breathes, he doesn't want to say it but, "If you keep going like that, pussy so pretty against my cock, I will cum before I-"

"God," you groan against his shoulder, "can you really?"

"Yeah," Jeonghan almost laugh, his hand grabbing your ass. Of course, he can, he could've come already, but he is dragging this off, he is holding himself back. "Babe," Jeonghan calls you, mouth hot against your neck, "I could've come on your mouth, I'm so hard it is almost painful,"

"Can we-" You almost hiccup, "can we like that" you mumble again, "you can fuck me later," you say and Jeonghan almost sees white.

God, he could cum like that this wasn't even a question, the question was could you? The fact that you were over the edge like him was enough to drive him crazy.

Every time you drag your hips against him Jeonghan's let out a little moan, and he feels so wrecked that he just plants his lips on your neck, sucking at your skin. Jeonghan does not know if it is a reaction or is just because he is losing his mind but he can tell you are getting faster, the rhythm getting a little off, the way you breathe against him, everything just seems too much, and Jeonghan can't take it anymore.

The world stops spinning for a bit - everything just stays still.

Jeonghan is out of it until the sound of your breath brings him back. You are almost pouting. "Did you?" Jeonghan asks, himself breathless too.

"No," You whine and you feel so frustrated that Jeonghan pities you a little bit.

"It's okay," he says - because it is he will take care of it, it's not a problem.

But when Jeonghan looks down he almost cums again. It is so messy. Why there is so much cum? God, he blinks at the view - trying to take everything but mainly you, hovering on his lap.

"Han," You call and Jeonghan is brought back to reality.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry," he says, and it is not like he is in control anymore, his mind Is just gone, he just drops his hand - scooping his own cum and placing it own your pussy. You moan so loudly and Jeonghan can feel your desperation, pressing his digits more firmly against your clit, "Like that?" He questions and you can only nod your head, words falling. Jeonghan holds you close to him, your chest against his, your hand still going between your legs, his other hand holding your waits, "Fuck how can you be so hot," he starts going making you feel a light-headed, "I will eat you later okay?" Jeonghan says, "Don't worry, I will eat you out and I will let you fuck me, you just need to tell me what you need."

"Just," You hiccup, "Just like that."

Jeonghan listens to you, even though the position is not the best to his wrist and he could do so much better - but you just keep babbling on and on about how you are almost there, how he just needs to stay like that, how you are feeling so good that he listens to you, how could he not when you are almost coming undone against his fingers?

And then you bring Jeonghan's face up to a kiss, his mind was too focused on his fingers disappearing against your folds to catch on earlier, but you don't seem to mind when you lick against his mouth and finally cum. Jeonghan holds you against his body for a few seconds when he finally hears you groan.

"God I am so sticky," you complain and he finally laughs.

Jeonghan though, keeps his promise and he eats you out after that, and he fucks you too, and then, he just forgets he has his own room.

It is weird how much you two fit each other. And how seamlessly you two turn into boyfriend-girlfriend situations, or legally, husband-wife, but who cares about silly papers really?

Everything is normal really - Jeonghan keeps saying he need just a better Ttoram version before you two start promoting on social media. You two keep sharing dinners, and Jeonghan even makes a point about how the two of you need to go on a date. You bribe him, telling him he needs to call Cheol before the wedding - and he just shrugs and picks his phone up calling his best friend, you almost scream, it was that easy?

You two share everything, you don't know why but Jeonghan just chooses your bed to sleep in, you question him saying you want to sleep on his bed too - it just smells like you, is nice - he says before making a weird noise after face planting one of your pillows.

It comes to the point that you get weirded out when you wake up and he is not on your bed. When you pick yourself up and finally drag your body out of the bed - something weird happens, an unknown voice resonates in your house - okay not yours, Jeonghan's but...

You find Jeonghan in the kitchen, back facing you, sipping a cup of tea with another woman. A very gentle elderly lady, her hair is almost all white, and everything about her screams grandma. She sees you before you can say anything,

"Hi dear," even her voice is gentle.

"Han?" You ask when Jeonghan stares at you, eyes fondly taking up your sleepy self.

"Hey baby, come here," He says opening his arms, "come here Iris was talking about how she was visiting her third grandson can you believe that?"

You could, sure, everything about her screamed grandma in uppercase letters, but what was happening?

"Yes," the old lady answers, "where was I?" she claps before she picks back up again, "See like I was telling you, Aroon's mom is my youngest daughter, and her pregnancy hadn't been the easiest so that's why I couldn't bring the table back," she says and you neck almost snaps, looking at Jeonghan's, he is so proud of himself that you almost scream. "So I'm sorry dear, your husband told me how much it meant to you but I was out of town so-"

God, he looks so proud and so full of himself, he couldn't be happier right now. God, you are so deeply in love with him. You could marry him all over again.

[BONUS SCENE ONE - THE WEDDING}

“Are we doing this for real?” You ask and the world is kinda spinning a little bit, by your side, Jeonghan holds your hand. You both stare at this little chapel, the Elton John one because you said that you would prefer to be married with don't go breaking my heart, Tiny Dancer or even Berry and the Jets as a soundtrack than any of the Elvis’s songs and of course Jeonghan listened, he listened to everything you said. What a fucker, how could you not be in love with this guy? What? Wait-

“Of course, we are doing this, we made a bet,” Jeonghan says still staring at the chapel.

“Only because we made a bet,” you say looking at him. When Jeonghan turns his head to look at you something inside you sings a bit - like a doll with something in the inside broke and jiggling inside.

“Of course darling, only because we made a bet,” Jeonghan says, holding your hand firmly, he smiles at you, and out of nowhere he is running inside the building and you follow him around because why not?

It seemed like a fucking great idea, and you both did lose the bet, even though right now you can't really think straight - how does a bet work? Can both people lose a bet at the same time? You are not totally sure but you guess Jeonghan is right, it can happen.

[BONUS SCENE TWO - BIOGRAPHY]

When Jeonghan finally opens the hotel door you almost fall in the room, but before you fall face flat on the floor Jeonghan's hands save you from breaking your nose.

“Wow, what a gentlemanly husband I have,” You say, tapping his chest.

“Sure, sure, perfect husband material right here,” Jeonghan says pointing at himself the door still open.

“You are,” you gushed, hands on his shoulders searching for some kind of balance, using these high heels shows was so wrong, but you knew at least you would be pretty in your wedding pics, and in the end, that’s all that matters - the pictures for your own autobiography that you will make for your grandchildren. You always told Jeonghan that you would make one for him too, with every single thing he gave you as a safe keep and the collection of pictures you have of him in different times of his life. You have pictures of Jeonghan with his long hair, with his short hair, the time he died it was almost white because he thought it would be so so cool and ended up hating how it fucked up his scalp. You had the material, you had the story, and you could do his biography, the funny thing now it is that his grandchildren could be yours too.

“What are you laughing at?” Jeonghan says, kneeling at your feet and taking your shoes off, wow, a life-saver.

“I just thought about grandchildren,” you squealed in a high-pitched voice that you didn’t know you had until Jeonghan’s hand found your hips.

“Grandchildren?”He asks you softly.

“The biographies,” you say and Jeonghan nods, “I was thinking about how I always pictured us together when we were gray and old in a nursing home together all that jazz, but know that I thought about it, your family will be my family so the grandchild will be the same kids, I won’t do your biography for your grandchildren I will do your biography for my grandchildren as well that changes a lot of things,”

“Like what?” He asks amused

“I don’t know if I want to tell them about the time you were sure to have gonorrhea or something like that”

“I do think we can let this story die with us,”

“wait, now that I am thinking about it like we only have one family," You say, a pouting on your lips, and Jeonghan almost melts, "that means only one visit in the nursing home because like when our family as separate entities we would have two families so two visit yours and mine now that I think about it I think we should divorce

“We are not divorcing," Jeonghan says.

“We can annul It,” you try again.

“We won't do it,” Jeonghan says, shaking his head like you are talking nonsense.

“But two visits are better than one,” You say showing him your fingers and trying to make him understand that two are indeed better than one, boys like girls even sang about this, was Jeonghan dumb?

“I won't have a family if it isn't your family,” Jeonghan says plopping down on the bed.

“Of course you can have a family,” you are sure of it Jeonghan is amazing there is nothing stopping him.

“But I don't want to,” Jeonghan whines looking at you and you get it, you finally get it.

“Damn boy you are crazy about me,” you say laughing, laying on his side.

“Now you are catching up,” Jeonghan says while his arms close around you.

“Still think two is a bigger number”

[BONUS SCENE - SHOULD WE?]

Jeonghan, your husband of three years, is eating on the kitchen counter and you can almost hear the gears in his brain turning and twisting. Sometimes, you think that maybe, Jeonghan is like a toy that he built the week prior, if you pick him up and shake him around you can hear loose parts of him rattling inside of himself.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask while opening the fridge.

“Should we go to Vegas again?” He asks taking a bit of his breakfast.

“Vegas?” you say - your head peaking and your body stretched so you can face him while the fridge door is open.

“I was thinking we should renew our vows,” he says like he is thinking about buying lunch because he cannot bring himself to cook, “you know, I want you to actually remember our wedding.”

#Yoon Jeonghan fic #Yoon Jeonghan fanfic #Yoon Jeonghan imagines #Yoon Jeonghan smut #Jeonghan fic #Jeonghan fanfic #Jeonghan imagines #Jeonghan smut #Seventeen fanfic #Seventeen fic #Seventeen imagines #Seventeen smut #seventeen x reader #svt fic #svt fanfic #svt smut #svt imagines #t: writting #t: yoon jeonghan

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lana-llama-in-pajamas · 1 month

Text

Milkman (Francis mosses) x fem! Reader

Thick as blood

Sweet as milk

Ah yes, you. The new doorman. The DDD hired you for your attention to detail and ability to examine more than just physical detail but the way people talked, their actions even the movement in their eyes.

Dopples are horrible at those details, some are just straight stupid and don’t try

But today was your first day in the building fresh from training, the building didn’t have a doorman before so you were ready for confrontation and confusion

Your uniforms was meant to look friendly, with a DDD button the the left breast. the DDD issued you with a pistol in case a Dopple did get in.

The block has been notified and given everything they needed to get in. Now it was your job to make sure they were safe

The day went slow no one coming in till lunch, you were not given one but you were allowed to eat whenever suited you

Soon tho a very happy woman came by…she had heterochromia at first you assumed dopple before looking at her papers

Right Nacha Mikaelys . Everything checked out as you studied her taking notes in your head, she smiled seemingly unaware of what was happening “how’s your day so far?” She asked looking through her purse, possibly for her keys “going well, I’m y/n your new doorman” you replied passing back her papers “have a good day ma’am” she nodded taking them back “pleased to meet you y/n see you tomorrow “ Nacha waved and walked out of sight

You got up from your chair to walk around your small office, you fix up your uniform as you hear someone come up to your glass panel. It was a milkman..? you raised your eyebrows at him. He didn’t look quite surprised to see you. He slid his papers into the slot and waited. You grabbed the papers and looked up and down at them. You then looked up at him and studied his features while trying to talk to him. “Hi I’m y/n the new doorman pleased to meet you, Mr. Moses.”

“Mm…pleased to meet you y/n”

Oh god. You blushed! What a schoolgirl

You slid the papers to him quickly looking down “all is in order, good day sir” you almost stuttered before looking back up at his dark tired eyes “good.” He walked off not noticing your sudden change in tone.

Oh god he sounded like a night time soap, deep and soft. you could listen to him read a chapter book and hang on every word, a phone book would sound sexy! And his eyes! Ugh you would kiss them if possible! You let your blush stay as you fell head over heels for a man that spoke 6 words to you (I counted) another person stood before you, before you could even greet them you stopped in your tracks

It wasn’t human. Its face was a drawing taped to it. No mouth but it spoke “allow me in please”

You softly pressed the urgency button as you slid out your gun. You could hear the dopple screech and writhe behind the glass and metal shutter while you called your superiors “I have one” you spoke sternly not wanting to show any fear “on the way” the triple D officer spoke. You stood back pistol in hand breathing slowly to calm down soon though the screeching stopped and the metal shutter lifted revealing a man in a yellow suit “dopple eliminated. Good work” he walked away with 2 others carrying a body bag.

You shivered placing the weapon back in its place you were glad most of those things were dumb but it made it no less horrifying

Your mind raced as you thought about the two things that just happened to you almost simultaneously first having a girl crush on a milkman and now almost getting killed by a stupid Dopple

Your immediate thought, as you sat down and tried to organize to calm your mind was, how does a milkman live in a building with such high earners ? How much does a milkman make ?you pondered looking over the files of residents

After introducing yourself to a couple of other residents, the day ends, and it’s time for your shift to end as well.

One Dopple the rest human honestly the best you could hope for on a first day, the other thing you could look forward to is that because you do work in this building, you can live in the building for way less rent than everybody else, you picked up your items from the desk and made sure everything was clean before you left and lock the door behind you no one was allowed to leave or enter the building after 10 PM unless of course it was an emergency, but they would be escorted by DDD officer at the front of the building

You took the elevator to your apartment “F05” the old landlord room, it used to be boarded up but the DDD had it refurbished for you, still looked a little dingy but ultra cheap rent for a 2 room apartment was worth it

You opened the door but jumped a little hearing another door “oh” you heard the deep voice looking to your left, Francis in a white wife beater and a cardigan. He has a cigarette in his fingers unlit “oh sorry you startled me goodnight Mr.mosses” you tried to excuse yourself quickly but to your surprise he spoke up “I didn’t know you lived here, actually I didn’t know there was a 5th apartment” he finally lit his cigarette taking a long drag (it’s the 50s) you nodded hoping to clear his confusion “ it was boarded up in the early 40s, it’s called a lord suite. a place for the landlord to stay in case of quick repairs or whatever else may happen” he listened rather intently taking the cig out of his mouth, god did you want him to ask you to take a puff just to indicate something “oh…I remember those really fell out of fashion huh?” He asked passing the half done cancer stick. You screamed in your head agreeing with him and taking in the smoke “well enjoy, I need to sleep” he walked back to his apartment almost slamming the door, was he mad? He didn’t indicate anger or distrust, you finished the cigarette and smudged it out on your stove placing the butt on the counter almost contemplating about saving it… you were weirding yourself out a bit but came back to.

You did as all necessary and got ready for bed

You dreamt of Francis sitting on the roof with you holding you close both of you in your uniforms as you kissed him deep and hungry begging for more in your movements you felt him move down to bite softly at your ne- TRRRIING TRRING

your alarm clock yelled at you a few more times before you could slam your hand down on it groaning and streaching “god I am down bad”

End pt 1

I know but the game is set in like 1955 America but it gives me such Soviet vibes

#milkman #milkman x reader #tnmn #thats not my neighbor #francis mosses #Spotify #SoundCloud

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solarisfortuneia · 11 months

Text

— 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬.

in the vast expanse of time, the tiniest moments shine the brightest.

✦ info: “jing yuan kissy kissy mwah mwah smooch” — mika, 2023.

✦ featuring: jing yuan.

✦ warnings: kisses galore, tooth-rotting fluff., not proofread.

✦ notes: hi hello please have this medium low effort drabble written because i wanted to kiss jing yuan in the middle of the night

the starchess game lays forgotten on the table.

instead, jing yuan is all that has your rapt attention.

he tastes of bitter, bitter tea and sweet, sweet honey, plush lips soft and oh-so-deliciously warm against yours. the scent that clings to his clothes is fragrant jasmine, and you send a thousand thanks to your past self for purchasing that specific perfume.

you like that smell on him, you think. it suits him. you know it will linger about your own person for hours to come, and you don’t mind at all.

and as your lips move to his forehead, to the space under his eyes, to the bridge of his nose, down to the very tip, he laughs, the sound coming from somewhere deep within his chest. it travels throughout your entire body, from your ears to your heart, and all the way down to the tips of your toes, a pleasant warmth spreading through your soul.

“oh?” he hums, nuzzling his nose with yours. “someone’s very, very affectionate today,”

“are you complaining?” you quip, never bothering to stop, littering pecks all over his jawline, on his chin, up to the little mole underneath his eye, trailing featherlight touches in the wake of your kisses. your fingertips trace his sharp features, taking in every curve, every angle, every bump, tenderly drawing shapes into pale skin.

“not at all. on the contrary, i’m rather enjoying it.”

“oh, i know you are.” you smile against his cheek, giggling when his fingers brush your side. “hey,” you chide playfully. “watch the hands, general. you know i’m ticklish.”

“my apologies,” he grins, not a trace of remorse in golden eyes. without warning, he tugs you closer until you rest on his lap, arms finding their way around his neck, returning your affections tenfold. his kisses grace every inch of skin he can find, mirroring the path you followed on his own face.

his eyes flit to yours to make the briefest of contacts with your own, adoration evident in amber, before closing to savor the feel of your cheeks under his lips. subtle whispers of affection for you fall freely and unrestrainedly.

goosebumps rise along the lengths of your limbs, electricity running down your spine. your previous thoughts are but a distant memory; how can you think of anything, when you have jing yuan lavishing you with all the affection in his being?

after what seems like both an eternity and almost no time at all, he pulls away slowly and slightly, eyes lidded, breath shallow. white hair cascades down broad shoulders, ponytail unraveling somewhere in the middle of your exchange, ribbon fallen to the floor. he says nothing for a moment, simply choosing to play with your clothing as his gaze remains fixed on your figure.

“staring is rude, my love,” you tap his nose mischievously.

a slow smile stretches across his face as he moves closer, pressing his forehead to yours. “but admiring a work of art isn’t, my love,” he murmurs against your lips. his voice is gentle, quiet, appreciative; his words cradled by a soft whisper the same way he cradles your face in his warm, calloused hands. “you look wonderful like this. so mesmerizing, i can’t take my eyes off of you.”

the words of admiration that roll off his tongue are sincere, heartfelt, and you know exactly how much he means that. he’s made sure that no matter the circumstance, no matter the situation, you never doubt what he feels for you.

you send a shy smile his way. “you’re beautiful too,” you tell him, just as sincerely, twirling a lock of his hair.

he nudges his shoulder against yours. “then i suppose we make a dazzling pair, don’t we? perhaps we should invest in eye protection for those around us?”

you snort. “i know your pockets are deep, but truly, that’d be a waste of money.”

he throws his head back in laughter. “ah, you’re right.” he says, pretending to consider. “i’m sure they’ll be able to handle our radiance just fine.”

oh, how you wish every moment could be like this one.

taglist: @ilyuu @ineshapanda @supernova25 @kissedbysilk @vixianne

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#—🖋#honkai star rail x reader #jing yuan x reader #jing yuan #honkai star rail #hsr #honkai star rail x you #jing yuan x you #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr fluff #jing yuan fluff

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rubyreduji · 4 months

Text

Apple of My Eye — xmh

summary: minghao’s arrival to auradon changes your life as you know it, and not just because he’s the son of the woman who poisoned your mother

tags: fluff, descendants au, child of snow white reader, reader is shorter than minghao wc: 2.4k an: happy birthday mika @toruro :333 i love you so much pls enjoy bc i think i rewrote this maybe 7 times no joke an 2: this fic takes place in the same universe as “good to be bad” which features gyu, wonu, and child of hades reader. you don’t really have to read it to read this one, but it would be cool if you did!

From the moment you were born, it was made clear that you were always going to be second. Whether in your parents’ eyes or the citizens or even other kids. Nothing you could do would amount to your brother.

Joshua was athletic, charismatic, handsome, the future King of Charmington. Every kid in Auradon was drawn to him. You were just the little sister.

Joshua could never do wrong, or at least your parents thought so. You on the other hand, had everything about you nitpicked. You had to be the perfect daughter so you could one day find a suitor for you to marry. That led to long days of you in lessons about etiquette while Joshua would run around the castle with Seungcheol and Seokmin, not caring about what kind of disturbances they caused. At the time it didn’t bother you, you wanted to do anything to please your parents.

After you started school, it was hard for you to make friends, and eventually you just gave up, submitting to being the outcast of the class. It didn’t help that your brother would go around and pick on you to all of his friends just for a few laughs.

Years went by and you were still doing your best just to be a good daughter. In class you were still an outcast, with people either whispering behind your back or scoffing at you when you walked past. It wasn’t until you started to attend Auradon Prep that you realized how useless it all was.

No matter how prim and proper and perfect you are, you’ll never be anything in anyone’s eyes as long as Joshua is alive. You think about all those years you tried to make everyone happy, to be the best you could be, only for it to amount to nothing.

Maybe that’s why you were so drawn to Minghao. His subtle kindness and gruff but charming presence. It makes you laugh to know that if you told the little girl you used to be that later in life she’s going to fall in love with the son of her parents’ sworn enemy, she’d probably cry.

Right now though, you’re completely sure you’d follow Minghao to the end of the world.

When you were little, your parents used to sit in your living room in front of the fireplace and tell you and Joshua the great story of their love. You’ve heard it a million times, not just from your parents but also your seven uncles.

When the proclamation was made that the villain kids would be coming to Auradon, your parents were scandalized. When they found out that one of them was the child of the Evil Queen, they were outraged. They were fearful for what would happen to you and (mostly) Joshua.

They told you to steer clear of any of the VKs as their parents will have raised them to be just like them. That they will be cruel and ill-mannered and up to no good. That nothing could come off the isle without it being tainted by the evil kept within.

When you were little, you were always told that the Evil Queen is a jealous old woman and vile of heart. Though that may be the case, you’re not sure you should view her son as the same. Not everyone is their parents. When you think about the first time you and Minghao met, you know there’s no doubt about it.

You were walking down the hallway when you caught sight of him a few feet ahead of you. You recognized him from the press release about the proclamation. Minghao, son of the Evil Queen. Your eyes were drawn to his dark blue hair and thick leather jacket. You were completely stopped in your tracks, too entranced by the deep scowl on his face. Unfortunately because you stopped walking, you were easily run over.

“Get out of the way,” the person growled as they shoved you, causing you to drop your books.

“S-sorry,” you squeaked out. You bent down to pick up your books, only to hear a new voice.

“Why don’t you watch where you’re walking?” You looked up to see Minghao looming over the person who ran into you. They cowered away. “No need to be a dick. Pick the fucking books up.”

They nodded and scrambled to grab your books, hastily passing them back to you before they ran off. You stared down at the book before redirecting your gaze to the tall boy in front of you. You bowed to him.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to do that, I’m uh…used to it,” you trailed off at the end, unsure of why you were explaining that to him.

He also looked slightly uncomfortable at the fact. Or maybe it was because you bowed to him. “You didn’t do anything wrong. No reason to pick on innocent people.” With that he stalked off and your sudden interest in him ignited tenfold.

Ever since that day you and Minghao kept having small run-ins. Almost like fate was pulling you two together. Before you knew it you two were spending all your time together. You were easily captured by his outlook on the world. You’ve never met someone so fair and level headed as Minghao. You’ve learned so much from him.

You finally had a friend. He helped you discover who you really are, and he did everything in his power to protect you. Slowly your friendship developed into more until you found yourself with butterflies in your stomach every time he talked to you.

You remember the day he finally made the first move. You weren’t even sure that Minghao liked you like that until you were sitting in his dorm, helping him with his math homework, when he leaned over and kissed you. You swear your heart nearly jumped out of your chest. After that things were a little clunky, but you two figured it out.

Dating Minghao opened up a whole new realm of possibilities. You feel strong with him. You feel like you can do anything. Maybe that’s why you put so much faith in him when he comes to you with his plan.

“Snowflake,” Minghao starts, his nickname for you still flustering you slightly, “I need you to trust me, okay?”

“Hao…what’s this about?” You two are sitting in his dorm room, sitting on his bed. He asked you earlier if you would meet him, as there was something important he needed to talk to you about.

There’s a grim look on Minghao’s face as he looks at you. He struggles with his words for a moment before finding what he wants to say. “You know I care about you a lot and that I would do anything to make you happy and protected.”

Minghao stops for a moment and you nod at him. He takes another deep breath.

“You and I, we don’t belong here. Nobody here will ever respect us or any of the other VKs, and something needs to be done about it. I want to do something about it.” There’s a fire in Minghao’s words as he talks. “Everything that I’ve seen and heard and experienced since I stepped foot in Auradon is bullshit and it was fine when it was just me, but they way they treat you as well? It’s unacceptable.”

“Hao,” you interject, “just tell me what you’re talking about. I promise, I trust you more than anyone else.”

Minghao reaches forward and grabs your hands in his. He squeezes tight. “They need to be taught a lesson. Nothing will change if we don’t make the change.” You squeeze his hands back, encouraging him to continue. “I’ve been talking with some of the other VKs…we’re thinking about overthrowing the crown.” You suck in a breath. “I know it’s a lot and that it’s a risk but-”

You cut Minghao off, letting go of his hands to cup his face. You lean in and kiss him gently. When you pull away you rest your forehead against his. “I trust you Hao, and I will stand by you through anything. If this is the path you decide to take, I’m right here with you.”

“Are you sure? Your parents and-”

“No one has ever treated me the way you do. You’re the best thing to happen to me, Minghao.”

“I love you,” Minghao whispers, just loud enough to hear. Your heart does a skip.

“I love you too,” you tell him back, the first time either of you have said it. “I believe what you’re doing is what has to be done.”

You think of every wrongdoing of the citizens of Auradon, about how unfair they have been all these years. You think about the new world you can make. You know this is the right choice.

Minghao wants you to stay out of the planning process, as to not incriminate you in case anything happens. That unfortunately leaves you with quite a bit of free time on your hands. You’re walking back to your dorm from the library when you’re suddenly stopped by someone grabbing you. You yelp in surprise as you’re whipped around to come face to face with your brother.

Joshua grips onto your arm tightly and you try to break free but he just holds on tighter. If you’re being honest you’re shocked he’s even interacting with you, as he gave up on that years ago.

“I don’t know what you’re doing, but you need to stop,” Joshua hisses.

“Joshua, let me go!”

“I know you’re up to something with the son of the Evil Queen. Do you know what Mom and Dad would think if they found out? If you keep it up you’re going to get in trouble, either with him, or them.”

“You’re hurting me!”

“Well maybe you should listen.”

“She said let go.” Joshua’s grip loosens slightly at the intrusion and you’re able to break free.

You and your brother both look to the side to see Minghao standing there. Though Joshua and Minghao are the same height, it seems like Minghao looms over him. There’s a dark look on his face as he glares daggers into your brother. Relief washes over you at the sight of your boyfriend coming to your rescue.

“You,” Joshua hisses. “Stay away from my little sister.”

“No, I think you should stay away.” Minghao steps forward, subtly putting his body between yours and Joshua’s.

“I don’t know who you think you are, but I know that you’re no good. If you hurt her I swear I’ll-”

“It seems like you’re the only one here who’s hurt her.” Minghao gestures to where you’re rubbing your arm from where Joshua gripped you too tight. “You’re selfish and pathetic. You don’t really care about her and you never have, don’t try to act all high and mighty now.”

“Just wait, you’re going to get it,” Joshua growls before stalking off.

Minghao doesn’t bother responding, instead he turns towards you. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but I need you to do something for me.”

“Anything.”

“Hurry up with the plans, okay?” You stare up and Minghao and he just nods, ready to set the world on fire for you if he has to.

“Are you scared?” You ask Minghao as you two lay in your bed one night. Your roommate is visiting her parents and you take the opportunity to spend the night with your boyfriend without having to worry about Jun on the other side of the room.

“Petrified,” Minghao whispers. “But you can’t tell anyone.”

“I promise,” you giggle, pressing a soft peck to his cheek.

“I’m scared, but then I think about you and why I’m doing this to begin with, and I know everything will work out.”

“Everyone says you’re so scary,” you tell him, “but I think you’re just a giant sap.”

“Only for you, Snowflake.”

“I really hope this works,” you whisper, changing the tone of the conversation.

“It will. I’ll make sure of it, even if it’s the last thing I do.”

“It won’t be. We’re going to change the world and then you and I will be able to live in peace.”

“We’ll have our happily ever after?” There's a teasing grin on Minghao’s face and you roll your eyes playfully.

“Yes. We will.” Minghao just giggles and leans in to kiss you. You kiss him back, putting all of your unsaid words behind it.

Minghao has changed your life, and you could never repay him for what he’s done for you, what he’s going to do for you. You know you don’t have to pay him back though, because loving him is enough. You don’t want to think about what your life would have become if Minghao didn’t come to Auradon. When you were little your parents told you about fate and how the right people will always come into your life. Laying here with Minghao, you think they may have gotten at least one thing right.

“Are you ready?” Minghao asks as he reaches down to hold your hand tight. You nod and squeeze his hand back.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

The two of you stand outside of the Museum of Cultural History, about to enact your plan to change the rest of your lives.

“You’ll be able to go back after this,” Minghao tells you. You look up at him and smile.

“Good.”

Around you stands the other VKs, and for some reason the son of Hercules, Mingyu (you’ll have plenty of time to question that later). The sight warms your heart. You don’t think you’ve ever felt more safe with a group of people before. A few months ago you never had friends, and now here you are, ready to change the world with a group of villain kids. Your parents would have a heart attack if they could see you now.

“Whatever happens,” Minghao tells you, “I love you.”

You pull him down for a final kiss before you enter the museum. “I love you too.”

You take a moment to just stare at him. His soft blue hair falling over his eyes as he’s wrapped up in his jacket. He looks just like he did the first day you met him, yet everything has changed so much. You smile when you think about how you wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

No one has ever loved you as much as Minghao has. Not your parents or your brother or anyone else. Minghao is willing to risk everything, just make you happy. You will always be his number one priority. The thought makes your heart swell, and you know there will never be someone who means as much to as you as Minghao does.

“Okay,” you tell him, “let’s do this.”

Minghao nods and signals to the others and just like that you’re all in action. Your heart beats hard in your chest as you follow behind Minghao, ready for him to lead you to whatever good thing is next to come.

taglist: @ckline35 @jeanjacketjesus @namjoonbaby @n4mj00nvq @lovelyhan @ovai @scorpiobitch88 @im-gemmy @lllucere @tulipgarland4 @embrace-themagic @sulkygyu @leejihoonownsmyheart @synthetickitsune @yeosayang @miraclewoozi @d0nghyck @soonhoonietrash @violetvoo @yongi-lee @spilled-coffee-cup @morklee02 @17kwans @candidupped @ressonancee @m1nghaos @1-800-jeonwonwoo @anothershorthuman @chwecardcaptor @dinoissupreme @speaknowlwt @hyneyedfiz @aaniag @shamayyyy @moonwalker-witchgrrrl @nidda13 @walkingtravesty97 @jwnghyuns @flwrshwa @valentxi @heavenly-mobo @pandorashbox @enhacolor @starlight-night0 @todorokiskitten @miriamxsworld @just-here-to-read-01 @seuomo @tinkerbell460

#minghao #xu minghao #the8 #minghao fluff #minghao fanfic #minghao x reader #seventeen #seventeen fluff #seventeen fanfic #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop fluff #rru.writes #rru.fics #★ sfw

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neverinadream · 5 months

Text

I Can't Say Goodbye

Summary: He was never going to be her happy ending.

Pairing: Ben Chilwell x Fem!Reader // Christian Pulisic x Fem!Reader (Briefly Mentioned)

Requested: Nope

Song Inspo: Happy Ending - Mika

Warnings: 18+, minors dni, smut, angst, pre-established relationship <- and i use that term loosely here, infidelity, one mention of biting, unprotected sex, ben crying, heartbreak, no happy ending, not edited

Notes: she's clearing out the drafts, everyone cheer for her!! this wasn't the winner of the poll but it's shorter than the other thing i'm writing. anyway, i'm about to break your hearts in like 1000 words or so, get ready. feedback is always appreciated

Reaching for her hands, Ben intertwined his and his lover’s fingers together, placing a kiss on the backs of them, before pressing them into the pillows above her head. Loose strands fall in front of his eyes, tickling them both from above as his face aligns with hers. It makes her head spin, him leaning over her like this, his body wrapped up in her legs, his cock nestled deep inside. "Give me a second, love," he rushes to get out as Y/N impatiently grinds her hips against him, trying to trick him into moving again, "I just want to look at you."

He studied her features like he was studying a piece of art, and with an intensity that made her face burn. He took mental images of every part of her that stood out the most to him. From her eyes and their colour to the shape of her lips, and every spot, her consolations of freckles, her dimples, and the scars that had a place to call home on her body. He tried to cement them all into his brain.

There wasn't a part of her that he didn't want to forget.

"I never want to forget how beautiful you are," Ben whispers, dipping to kiss her mouth, his tongue flirting with hers as she parted her lips. She squeezes his hands tighter, her cunt fluttering as he moves his hips, rocking his cock in and out of her. "And all those little sounds you make for me," he chokes, new tears pricking his eyes, “I'll never forget them.”

Y/N detangles their hands, quickly wiping the tears that dampened his cheeks, before threading her fingers through his hair, the brunette locks slipping through her fingers like soft strands of silk. "I love you,” she whispers against his mouth, meaning the words that came out her mouth.

“I know,” he utters back, his hand running down her naked frame. He hitches her leg higher over his hip, trying to remember the way she gasps his name as he thrusts deeper.

The moments between broken apologies and the desire to remember the other were filled with soft whimpers and ragged breaths. Neither of them wanted to say goodbye, but they knew this secret of theirs wasn't built strong enough to last. Eventually, one of them would slip up. And two broken hearts was better than three.

He wraps his hand around the back of her neck, pressing his hand into the base of her skull, pulling her closer as he sinks his weight on top of her. She could feel his heart hamming against her chest, mirroring her own. He forces his tongue past her lips, taking her mouth in a searing, dominated kiss. He kissed her like she was the oxygen that filled his lungs because without her, he wasn't sure if he would stay alive.

“I just wanted you to be mine,” he sobs, pressing his forehead against hers. He closes his eyes, wet lashes sticking together, as more tears trickle down his cheeks. “But he'll give you what I can't,” he adds, touching his thumb against her bottom lip. It trembles as she fights the urge to cry. She had to stay strong for both of them. “He'll give you the happy ending you deserve.”

She slides her hand over his jaw, his beard prickling the smoothness of her palm. “Look at me,” she pleads, wanting to look into his eyes for one last time.

Y/N knew she was in trouble the first time she looked into Ben's eyes. Two pools of the purest water. The deepest oceans known to humankind. She had gotten lost in them too many times to count. And when they flutter open, she gets lost in them for one final time.

She wraps her legs tighter around him, pulling him deeper. “One last time,” she withers beneath him, her body shaking as he reaches his hand down her body. He presses the tips of his fingers against her clit, rubbing the sensitive nub in a tantric rhythm, working in tandem with the slow snapping of his hips. “There,” she whimpers, the wall she had built up before coming here crumbling as she feels herself begin to let go, “that - yes - keep doing that.”

“I've got you,” he whispers, brushing his lips against her temple, “just let it out.” He groans, hot breath fanning her face, as she clenches around him, her walls milking his cock as she comes for him. “That's it,” he repeats like a chant, tearing his hand away and fisting the pillow beside her, feeling himself spilling inside her. His hips grind into her, soft pants of unintelligible sayings escaping Y/N's mouth as he pulls them both through their highs. “Fuck,” he bites down her shoulder, burying his face into her honey scented skin, “I'm still coming-”

After catching his breath, Ben rolls over, pulling her so she is half lying across his chest, his hand roaming the length of her back. She lifts up onto one elbow and strokes her fingers over his chest hair, sporadically kissing his body until she finally reaches his mouth. “Please, don't say it,” he begs, hearing enough goodbyes to last him a lifetime. He covers his face to hide another fresh wave of tears. “Just wait until I've gone to the bathroom.”

He rolls out from under her and she goes about searching for her clothes in the dark.

One by one, she pulls them on, saving her boots for last, before digging around in her bag for her phone. A picture of her and Christian flash up on her lockscreen, taken during the last summer break, and she has to swallow the guilt that sits on her tongue like a bad aftertaste. He thinks she's in London to see her family, homesick after their recent move to Milan. This, her seeing Ben for one final time, would have never crossed his mind.

No, Christian trusted her too much to suspect her of cheating.

With one final look at Ben's bed, all the memories they had made together under the comfort of his sheets, she exits his bedroom and then finally his home for the last time.

———————

Football Taglist: @shanoontje @maseandkepa @theblxefox @blueathens @ofxinnocence @mrschilly @geek-and-proud @in-my-body-bag @laurasstufff1 @mountchilly @spicysainz @thoseboysinblue @kickinganddriving @lizzypotter14 @bracedes @chilwellspulisic @notsoattractivearenti @swimmingismywholelife @lovelynikol16 @masonsrem @landoslover @kathb59 @emcv1427 @gagaslonina @afterpills @pulisicsgirl

#ben chilwell #ben chilwell imagine #ben chilwell smut #ben chilwell one shot #ben chilwell blurb #ben chilwell angst #ben chilwell x reader #ben chilwell x y/n #ben chilwell x you

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makur0 · 1 year

Text

No Nut November?

synopsis — they’re drawn into this daring challenge, all hoping to win. but who really has the guts to do so? [various enstars! x gn! reader]

featured characters — kuro kiryu, hiyori tomoe, shu itsuki, mika kagehira, mao isara, izumi sena, niki shiina, madara mikejima, adonis otogari, jun sazanami, tsumugi aoba, rinne amagi (phew a mouthful haha)

content warnings — nsfw, mdni. rough sex, jealous sex, cunnilingus, use of toys, penetration (both reader and character recieving), some hard dom! chara some reader, reversed role, sexual frusturation, teasing, degradation, face sitting, crack in some, fluffy sex in some, all of them being absolute whores (including me lets not lie)

author’s note — CROWD CHEERING IM BACK TO SMUT Y’ALL (tbh i failed the challenge like a week in but never actually opened that up bc... yeah.) and special thanks to all my mutuals for the characters, lol (these skanky-ass whores are kinda... mmm)

word count — 3559

Give it up for Rinne Amagi y’all, for he isn’t trying to win. I swear this man has no intention of going clean for even twenty-four hours, what makes you think he’ll do it for a whole month? In fact, just to piss off all of the contestants he’ll drag you into his room and go feral on you. Good thing Hiyori and Kanata had decided to bunk at a different dorm (they probably saw this coming) or else they would see Rinne fucking you into his mattress, your tear-stained face shoved into the pillows as you moan shamelessly every time he slaps his pelvis against your ass. Calling you dirty names, leaving handprints on your ass, hickies, bruises and even broken skin littering your chest and shoulders. He literally turns you into a dumb stuttering doll as he pulls countless orgasms out of you, soaking his bedsheets underneath you and generally creating a mess. Which he’s honestly aiming for. Riling up all those so-called ‘clean’ people and making them regret their choice for accepting the challenge. It’s in his nature, after all, to stir up chaos.

Oh? You were planning to participate in the challenge too? Well that has him even more hyped up. He’s gonna scramble your mind (and insides) so much that you’ll be so fucking glad that you didn’t take up the offer and instead stayed with him. If he can make you feel this good, why throw it away for such a shitty gamble that you wouldn’t even gain anything from it?

I don’t think it’s quite obvious, but Jun Sazanami would have lost within the first day. He may have a bit more dignity than our favorite redhead, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a horny teenager at heart. Dragged into this mess by Ohii-san and taunted by him, he was really set on winning it, poor man. He only realized his fault as soon as the first day, when he went out with you. Jun really couldn’t help himself as he would constantly steal looks to your body, feeling himself heating up even more than usual due to the challenge itself. (Literally why are you the most horny when you want to become clean?) I feel like he won’t just fold you and start rutting into you like a bitch in heat— well to be honest i want him to do that— but he’ll secretly jerk off away from the prying eyes of his friends, in hope that people wouldn’t notice. Frantically fisting his hard-on, his other hand desperately muffling his moans, as he comes for what seems like the third time that night. Imagining that it was your hand around his cock, pumping his seed out, and your tongue licking up all of his cum. Goddamn- he can’t escape from your hold.

Of course Hiyori finds this out, but Jun isn’t really all that pissed about it... at least he can fuck you now without worrying about this stupid challenge anyways.

Talking about him, Hiyori Tomoe wouldn’t last either! Definitely hypes himself too much, proclaiming that he will win this challenge easy-peasy. But that’s him talking when he gets pussy/dick almost every night. Even going as far as teasing his friends about it, catcalling them, but soon enough he’ll be eating those words when it hits him that he can’t call you. At least, to call you to meet him at his room again to do their almost-daily quickie. And what?! He can’t even masturbate too??

Somehow he gets through the first week (with him grinding against his sheets softly I may add- which unfortunately made the man even more needy) but it soon turns to be futile as every time he lays eyes on you, dirty fantasies fill his mind. Damn the challenge; why can’t he just have you sit on his cock in public, your nice little hole drooling over his length as you grind impatiently against him? You look so cute in those clothes anyway...

And when you get irritated? By god he’s spiraling. He wants- no, needs you to peg or ride him until he’s seeing stars. Losing his sanity by the second, he’s shoving you into the nearest bathroom stall, impatient to finally get off after so long. And please do help him... he’s been good for a week, right? A whole seven days! He surely deserves a treat, no?

As a joke, Madara Mikejima would take on the challenge fully knowing that he’ll loose... so why? Just to see your face when he announces it? He’s fully aware that you can’t handle the sexual deprivation (even more so than he), so you’re devastated when he tells you his plan. Of course this is all just to see you break and whine to him just so he can tease you about it, but not just yet...

You couldn’t keep your composure for even a week, so soon enough Madara finds you getting off to your toys, trying to keep your loud moans at bay. He doesn’t bite for a minute or so, but once he sees your blissful face once you come undone on some fucking silicone something eats at him. Within a second he’s towering over you, throwing that slicked-over toy and biting at you with a tight smile that clearly tells you that you’re in for it. He’s being extremely petty over getting jealous by a toy, but he’s set on making sure that nobody, not even nothing can make you feel as good as he is right now. Surely, with the way you’re screaming his name for all the neighbors to unfortunately hear, right? And the way you’re convulsing on his cock, pushing him to fuck you even harsher and deeper, yeah? In the end Mama set you up for a trap but he fell in it instead... but really, what does it matter when in the end he has you fold for him?

Poor Tsumugi Aoba, trying so hard for the sake of... what was it exactly? Did he hopefully write it down? Anyways, there’s no shot that this baby wins with all the work stress he’s under. How can he lose you, his main source of relief, for an entire month? He’s likely one of the few people who took the challenge but realized the struggle, so as soon as he’s starts he starts drowning himself in even more work, as ironic as it sounds. It’s successful... for what, the first week and a half or so? But there’s only so much work to be done. He somehow burns through a whole month’s work in a span of a week, and comes up with nothing after that. That’s when the real struggle happens.

It’s almost like he’s death-staring you as he sits with you at the dinner table, but in reality he’s having a mental conniption. All of his walls melted like ice thanks to the lack of distraction, and he’s trying to stop the flow of dirty, dirty thoughts about you. His dick getting hard within a snap of your finger, his face getting flushed and hot, it doesn’t take long for you to connect the dots and mentally sigh. Usually Tsumugi would listen to you thoroughly, but as soon as the words he wanted to hear slipped out of your lips he’s pressing against you like a dog in heat, apologizing profusely as he fucks you right over the table. And he’s likely going to keep you there for a good hour- this man has stamina. Prove me wrong >:(

Kuro Kiryu is struggling because you are. See, if he didn’t catch you biting your lip in frustration, rubbing your thighs together subtly, even ghosting your hand over your sex, he himself wouldn’t feel himself getting hot and hard. What’s turning him on is your sexual frustration... which later on would definitely put it to good use. Unfortunately for him though, he’s still tied into the challenge so he has to at least try. It’s probably the worst two weeks of his life as he tries not to fold your sleeping figure next to him in bed, instead going as far as staying up through the night and taking out all his frustrations on a poor sandbag (I’m telling you, by the end of it his dick his harder than that lmfao). Yes, he loses. Halfway through November, itching for some intimate touch, he nearly praises the lord above when he catches you playing with your sex like a bitch in heat, hurriedly trying to get off.

He’s your man, so of course he has to help you! Just thank him by spilling your loud whorish moans into his ear as he fucks you on the cold bathroom floor, the heat radiating from both of your sweating bodies competing with the hot shower steam. His pent-up energy is either a blessing or a curse to your poor body, because he’s not letting go of you until he’s come at least... be real. Five or six times. And plus I’m normal about breeding so of course he’s watching his thick cum seep out of your hole, decorating the already-white marble tiles. He can’t help but take a picture for masturbation food, seeing your slicked-over hole and ass pairing with the purple, red, and pink marks he proudly left behind. Is he ashamed of losing the challenge? Honestly a bit during post-sex and when he finally has reason... but he’s learned so much that he wouldn’t know before. So it’s a 50/50 for him.

Shu Itsuki struggles because you aren’t. The Shu Itsuki, the self-proclaimed best artist, a man of culture, is frantically trying to calm down his raging hard-on as you waltz away from him, perfectly fine and calm?? No no, it should be the tables turned! You should be the one begging him to please you, and he should be scoffing at your brazen behavior! But no matter how much he wishes it to be this way, your lack of attention, sexually, has him bucking into his expensive sheets, whining into his already-soaked pillow as he tries to get himself off. I feel like Shu is the type of person to train himself to control his sexual desires when you’re not around, taking extreme caution to not to try to come over anything but you. Oh how it bites him in the back now, frustrated tears falling from his lilac eyes as he can’t bring himself to reach an orgasm even once. And he’s not the type to use toys, as the traditional man he is, so there’s nothing in his house that could accommodate to his needs. So he’s, in the worst time possible, stuck.

Finally dropping his pretentious ego, he comes to you as a whiny, horny flustered mess as his obvious hard-on pokes through his pants. You can’t help but coo at his helplessness, teasing him bit to further rile him up. But you can’t have your pretty princess wait for too long, or he’ll actually lose it. So give him a good hard fuck, riding him or pegging him it doesn’t matter, and break him over your lap until he’s a babbling flushed mess. Because of how sensitive he is you have his watery cum staining your slacks, feeling the cool liquid touch your hot skin, but you could care less as you please your baby <3.

Mika Kagehira is adamant on making sure nobody finds out he’s cheating. Who is he kidding- a person who basically lives on your quickies almost every day wouldn’t survive this challenge. But you just look so hopeful as you turned to him to win, genuinely thinking that he’ll succeed. So for your sake he’ll stay quiet, although it’ll probably kill him that he won’t be able to feel you for a while. All he has to survive off of are shitty sex toys and every once in a while plushies that permanently smell like you, so it’s definitely not the best but it could be worse.

But out of all people (although looking back he was relieved) you were the first one to find out that he was cheating all along. Walking into him whining against his pillows, grinding his dick into the cum-soaked sheets as a vibrator was shoved into his ass at the highest speed. You’re frozen in your spot for a good minute, trying to process the scene in front of you, before your wrenched out of your thoughts as the male moans out your name quite shamelessly, gripping onto the ropes he wrapped around his wrists for the thrill of the burn. He was so far gone that he couldn’t even care who walked in on him, which, good for you, could enjoy the show a little bit more before you intrude on his session. So there you are, sitting at his desk, staring at the writhing boy pleasing himself at your name. Around ten minutes pass by, and Mika’s looking pretty worn out so he reaches for the remote. But before he could shut it off you suddenly appear on him, resting your hand over his. The poor boy is flabbergasted, trying to come up with some silly excuse before your other hand is rubbing dangerously close to his dick. Even after all the orgasms he’s had he feels himself getting hard again at your touch, and soon enough wanting more like the spoiled whore he his. But dear me, he’s expecting you to be nice to him especially since he hasn’t had you for so long. He broke his promise after all, didn’t he? Hope he doesn’t mind a bit of pain...

To be fucking funny, Niki Shiina would have won. So hard. Just the way his mind works has him thinking about food all the time, and of course your one of his favorite snacks but somehow it hasn’t brutally affected his sexual deprivation. Somehow. Butttt of course you go and screw everything up. Just like Rinne you fucked the whole challenge... but why is Niki doing it??? Who the hell convinced him to do so? And just ditch you? Nope, not on your watch. You’re gonna make sure he looses, and hard.

He only realizes your intention halfway through, but it’s too late. Because of your influence his dirty mind is turning everything sexual, and it’s pushing him over the edge. He’s pretty much had enough. So, completely disregarding the challenge, he manages to corner you and outwardly express his aggravation, throwing a tantrum like the little kid he is. You simply laugh at his antics, dragging a finger across his collarbone and... wow, you can’t remember what happened after that. All you could focus on was how harsh he was shoving his face into the sheets. The high-pitched whines and moans did not match at all with the brutal pace he set on you, destroying your insides. All you could do was grip on the sheets for dear life, your pupils blown wide and face extremely flushed as Niki fucked into you like a dog in heat. If you didn’t have the pillows masking your sight, you would’ve seen the man have tears streaming down his face in pleasure, his lips stuck in a pout as he watched your hips bruise under the iron grip he had you in. For such a soft guy, he sure is rough... tenfold if he was pent up.

Izumi Sena would be close, but not enough to win. Without you he definitely has the mindset for it. You would think he would get so frustrated by his model workload but ironically it’s what keeps him sane. Give him more than a few days off and his mind will be in the gutters in no time, no matter how much he tries to resist. But the gods seem to be on his side for the entire challenge (how he learned of it, who knows. why, confidential i guess) because the more work he got the less he talked to you. Of course you two contact on a regular basis but nothing more than a short, sweet call or texting each other for minutes at a time. It seems to be enough for him, at least. Whereas you, with a much much higher sex drive, is crying in your sheets. You just want to get off so badly and that’ll just be the end of it, but with the cocky idols teasing you and the haunting nightmares of Izumi being extremely disappointed in you helps you hold off... at least for now. You’re not sure if you can hold it out for any longer.

Fortunately for you, unfortunately for him, the Knights had an ‘emergency’ and he was called back to Japan a week before he was scheduled to leave. The emergency in question was just a lost Leo Tsukinaga, which was solved in no time, but that left Izumi back with you in person while there was just one week left in the challenge. And oh boy did you use that to your advantage. You couldn’t wait when the two of you were alone after the whole fiasco- in fact within the next day the man woke up to your naked figure sitting on his chest, tracing your fingers along his collar. With that and his usual morning wood, Izumi’s sanity and patience snapped like a twig. Flipping you over and immediately pushing inside of you, he’s plowing into you like a starved man, which he is. All of his manner, ego, and common sense is thrown out the window as he moans and curses into your chest, trying to go faster than the pistioning pace he’s already setting on. He’s reduced to a horny teenager, saying how much he missed you and your hold, even coming within the first minute of fucking you. But as soon as he has that post-orgasm mindset, and realizes what you’ve done to him with a flushed angry face, he’s not letting you go for the rest of the day. Be prepared to call out from work tomorrow, because he’s gonna make sure that you get more than what you bargained for.

Mao Isara perseverance is so godly I’m jealous of this man. ...Ok, maybe he acts like a teenager with a middle school crush around you during this challenge, but that doesn’t mean that his common sense and rationality is leading him the right way. But major kudos to the President himself because he’s balancing the stress of work and deprivation for an entire four weeks.

Like all he gets itchy when his time is almost up, and almost loses when he has a sleepover with you, seeing your slumbering body so flush and close to him he’s immediately getting hard. But no, for the sake of his reputation he has to continue, just for a little while. Then he’ll get the prize he’s drooling for. He’s jumping on you, asleep or not, and shoving his face into your sex as soon as his phone says December 1st (which he has been checking several times). He missed your taste and smell so much, he literally comes into his pants as your scent hits him like a brick wall. You’d be waking up to him devouring you from in between your legs, already waking up disoriented and, frankly, now needy. But don’t worry- he’s not letting you go anytime soon until he quenches his thirst and has you come several times for his pleasure. Even after that he’d be fucking you into the mattress, babbling about how much he missed your tight hole and thanking you so much for being patient with him, wrenching out an almost high-pitched moan every time he empties his overloaded balls into you.

Adonis Otogari has the most control over himself so of course he’s one of the very few winners among these horndogs of idols. By no means does he win for boasting rights or to tease the others, but he genuinely believes that it’ll impress you- I swear this boy will jump on any opportunity to see your face light up in excitement; he lives for it. So if this challenge will have you jumping up and down in joy, he’s down.

Minimal struggle. Of course he wakes up with the occasional morning wood, but calms himself down within an hour or so before Koga points it out and shit crashes and burns. Further into the month he has to use more... creative ways (I swear this man is willing to bathe in ice cold water to get his dong to freeze up and feel nothing) but somehow he perseveres as everybody around him starts dropping like flies. And when that clock strikes twelve on the last day of November he’s on cloud nine. Fortunately you’re with him at this time, so he doesn’t waste a single minute to drag you into bed and indulge in you for the remaining nightly hours. Instead of being rushed, harsh, and overall needy (although he is don’t lie), he’s going to take his sweet time and remind himself the pleasure he gets from either fucking you nice and slowly or eating you out so that both of your minds are reeling. He survives, but don’t expect him to do this again anytime soon.

Taglist: @mishkakagehishka @yandere-daze @ciderwebs @sakumasmut @mumuugi @procrastination-is-my-profession @ibaraluvr

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seangelfish · 2 months

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What they do for White Day (pt.2)

❥ Featured characters: Adonis Otogari, Keito Hasumi, Nagisa Ran, Niki Shiina, Mika Kagehira

❥ Tags: Fluff, established relationships/mutual crushes, stories are based on the !! era, no mention of pronouns

❥ A/N: Part 2 of What they do for White Day! Check out for part 1 here! This is also randomised, but part 3 (final) will consist of fan favourites alongside my personal faves! Happy White Day~ ♡

🤍 ADONIS OTOGARI

Adonis knew what to gift you for White Day the day you gifted him your homemade Valentine's Day chocolates. He knew you very well as the two of you had been together for a while, so he had an easy time arranging the things he wanted to do with you on that special day.

He had cooked you up a meal in his dorm room in which you found the food to be very tasty. The two of you gleefully ate together like a married couple, laughing and telling each other stories. Adonis would try to feed you himself and you'd let him.

But that wasn't the gift he wanted to give you. He handed you a small box which contained a stunning set of white earrings. He had asked his sisters what would look best on you, and they really did come in clutch!

It was a simple celebration, but he took into consideration that sometimes all you wanted to do was relax and stay inside.

"(Y/N), Happy White Day. My love grows for you every day."

🤍 KEITO HASUMI

Your relationship with Keito was a simple one, but the two of you were perfectly happy together. He was attentive and cared for your well-being, but he wasn't as romantic as the boys in the manga you read together.

But you didn't mind. His other characteristics make up for that. He was smart so he helped you with writing reports; he was disciplined so he helped you with your time management. Little things like that were lovable.

The time you gifted him Valentine's Day chocolates, the two of you had mirrored each other's shocked expressions. Keito was surprisingly bashful, but he thanked you profusely, accepting the chocolates with shaky hands.

"T-Thank you, (Y/N). I appreciate it."

He wanted to return the gesture. After all, he did love you even though he didn't show it in the ways you'd expect. On White Day, he gifted you a piece of white jewellery and a short manga he drew and wrote of the two of you. The manga consisted of a short story of how he fell in love with you and in which you could see the way he drew you so carefully and precisely.

"Happy White Day, (Y/N)," he stated shyly. "I'm all yours today, so what else would you like to do?"

🤍 NAGISA RAN

When you presented Nagisa with a box of your homemade chocolates on Valentine's Day, he was delighted, but he didn't think anything of it.

"Thank you very much, (Y/N). I love chocolate."

Therefore, you had to explain the reasoning behind why you gave him those chocolates in the first place.

It was barely noticeable, but a pink hue appeared across his cheeks when you told him you loved him. Smiling softly at you as he acknowledged your feelings, he admitted that he felt the same way about you too.

He remembered what Ibara said about White Day which was a month after Valentine's Day, so he started preparing something special for you in the weeks between that. He wanted to reciprocate your efforts, so he ended up booking a fancy restaurant for the two of you to enjoy, and then gifted you a white charm bracelet that he helped you put on.

"Happy White Day, (Y/N). I love you. I truly feel at ease whenever I'm with you."

🤍 NIKI SHIINA

Oblivious as he is, Niki thought the chocolates you gave him were a gift for working hard, but when he asked the other members of Crazy:B where their chocolates were, they looked at him in disbelief.

"Niki-han, you know (Y/N) gave those chocolates to you for Valentine's Day, right?" Kohaku had to clarify.

"S-Seriously?!"

Frankly, he didn't expect you to gift him anything for Valentine's Day, but then he realised that you liked him in that way which made things worse because he had just thanked you for the chocolates and walked away.

He decided to apologise the next day, but you brushed him off, telling him it was okay. He tried to accept your feelings as he felt the same way, but he never really had the chance to. With both of your busy schedules, he never got to fix things until White Day.

He had to beg you to meet him that day. Already prepared, Niki had made you lunch AND dessert, so when he finally got to meet you, he professed his love.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N)! I really really like you too!" he confessed. "I cooked all this for you, please accept them! Happy White Day!"

And of course, you were going to accept his gifts and feelings!

🤍 MIKA KAGEHIRA

Mika was extremely surprised to see you in front of him with a box of chocolates in your hands. He even tried dismissing you away because he truly believed you got the wrong person. When you stated that you were giving the chocolates to him, that they were addressed to him, he blushed a deep shade of red. He would've never thought you would ever like him back!

He accepted your chocolates and your feelings, and the two of you grew closer than before, establishing your relationship. Mika knew that he should repay your love back on White Day as he always dreamed of doing so. He was already preparing in between the two days, scribbling in his sketchbook on what to gift you.

On White Day, he surprised you with a handmade plushie that he had beautifully sewn himself. It was decorated with bows and craft jewels, reflecting the image of you. He had also gifted you a bag of hard candies some of which were his favourites.

"Happy White Day, (Y/N)!" he chirped happily. "Thank you for loving me back. I really hope you like everything!"

Intro page | Ensemble Stars masterlist | Rules

#ensemble stars x reader #enstars x reader #x reader #fanfic #adonis otogari x reader #keito hasumi x reader #nagisa ran x reader #niki shiina x reader #mika kagehira x reader #fluff #imagines #drabbles #otogari adonis x reader #hasumi keito x reader #ran nagisa x reader #shiina niki x reader #kagehira mika x reader

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not-poignant · 4 months

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Birthday Spotlight - Dr Gary Konowalous

[13th January - Capricorn]

Known first and foremost as the MVP of Falling Falling Stars, Dr Gary was a runaway hit even though he was never meant to be in anything more than a handful of reminiscences re: Efnisien's sessions with a psychologist who specialised in criminal juvenile behaviour, especially those who leaned towards murder, rape, arson and animal cruelty.

The Director of Hillview eventually came to be featured in the Underline the Rainbow alternate universe, an omegaverse where he is the Director of Hillview Omega Rehabilitation, a peak alpha, and the unlikely partner of Efnisien ap Wledig in an unusual m/m romance. Going from psychologist in one serial to lover and main character in another is a pretty big glow up!

‘You touch the lives of the people around you, Efnisien. In the past, all you saw was the negative ways you influenced them. I’m sure that will be the main way you orient to the world going into the future, though as I always say – we’ll work on it. But you do have an influence on the lives of the people around you. Sometimes it’s fleeting. But sometimes it’s meaningful, and important, and quite a remarkable thing. ‘I enjoy you as a client, not only because I enjoy the work we do together as a professional, but also because I enjoy the young man you are. You’re kind and compassionate, funny, and sometimes possessed with a very wicked sense of humour which I frankly find quite relatable. You’re insightful and courageous.’

Falling Falling Stars

Spoils of the Spoiled - A minor character referred to by name only, and the diagnostician of Efnisien ap Wledig, formally diagnosing him with Pure O (a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

Falling Falling Stars - Intended to only be a side character with minor cameos, Dr Gary quickly became the MVP of this long running serial, and was as much a star of this story as Efnisien and Arden!

The Moon is Down - A oneshot between Dr Gary and Mika from Falling Falling Stars.

Constellations - A Gwyn + Efnisien reconciliation story in the Falling Falling Stars universe.

Underline the Black - Main POV character alongside Efnisien ap Wledig. An enemies-to-lovers, alpha/alpha romance, with very unconventional dynamics and a significant (20+ year) age gap!

Underline the Gold - Cameo role

Underline the Blue - Cameo role

Underline the Red - More significant character here, and the unlikely antagonist

PhD of Psychology

Specialises in niche psychology (juvenile criminals/sociopaths in Falling Falling Stars, omega rehabilitation in Underline the Black)

Has a golden retriever - Polly - who is the goodest girl ever

He is dry, witty, dominating, a top, compassionate, insightful, bullish, heavy-handed, can be ruthless, and quick to apologise (though he has to be!)

Older. Age undisclosed in Falling Falling Stars, but he's 44 in Underline the Black.

The scene where he dropped absolutely everything to save Efnisien's life in Falling Falling Stars

Every time he's made Efnisien cry

Being so extra in an omegaverse that he's a literal "peak alpha."

Workaholic!

Consistently helping Efnisien realise the world can be a better place, usually after upsetting him a lot beforehand.

Dumping Efnisien into the ocean (just about) to snap him out of a dissociative episode.

The blue cup

His espresso + wine habit in Underline the Black

Chain-smoking his dead lover's cigarettes while moodily staring at the beach, in Underline the Black, like a 44 year old emo kid.

That good old PhD in psychology

He keeps his wry sense of humour

He always owns Hillview!

He cares deeply for Efnisien

Good dresser! Likes suits.

He pushes too hard

He has a strong sense of inner justice and equality

Needs a holiday

His appearance was intentionally never described in Falling Falling Stars so that people could imagine their own safe version of a psychologist! That's nearly 780k of never telling you his hair or eye colour, for example! Many people swear they know what he looks like, and are surprised to realise I never said a word about what he looks like in this story. Much to the rage and chagrin of fanartists (I'm sorry!)

Dr Gary's therapy sessions have inspired multiple readers to seek therapists of their own, and some people have described him as being the therapy they needed. Sometimes fiction just hits right, especially when Dr Gary's in the room. (He's a pretty annoying therapist though!)

I started shipping Efnisien and Dr Gary in the first 3 chapters of Falling Falling Stars, and then had to stop myself for the rest of the story to maintain their professional relationship. But in a way, the seeds for Underline the Black were sown a long time ago!

After typing 'Dr Gary' for so long in Falling Falling Stars, it took ages to train myself to write 'Gary' in Underline the Black! Thankfully it took Efnisien a while to get on board with saying 'Gary' instead of 'Dr Gary' as well. :D

‘Did you fuck me?’ Efnisien croaked, thinking he should be presenting a more macho image right now, but waking up to that dog touching him – and feeling a bit like he might be dying – was making it hard to manage much at all. ‘You would know if I’d fucked you,’ Dr Gary said, voice wry.

Underline the Black

#birthday spotlight #dr gary konowalous #writers of tumblr #falling falling stars #mm romance #queer romance #enemies to lovers #slowburn #underline the black #underline the rainbow #original fiction #original works #character birthday #doing something new this year #happy birthday dr gary!!#don't drink too much wine

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twilightmalachite · 2 months

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Yuuta Aoi - Budding Season

Author: Yuumasu

Characters: Yuuta, Rinne, HiMERU, Kohaku

Translator: Mika Enstars

"(I-Ignore him, ignore him…! If I react, I lose!)"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: CosPro Office (Conference Area)

Yuuta: (Yaaay, I got some super-spicy rice crackers from someone at the agency!)

(Thanks for the mea~l. *chew chew*)

(Ah~, delicious! This tingling sensation that lingers on the tongue is just the best…☆)

(Since we’ve advertised ourselves as “the older brother who likes sweet food” and “the younger brother who likes spicy food” to emphasize our twin characters…)

(Those around us can tell us apart, and I don’t have any problem getting spicy food these days~.)

(I get told things like “It was a gift from a business partner, so I saved it for you, Yuuta-san” and “I saw this during a business trip, so I bought it for you”…)

(I’m so glad I’ve been using my love for spicy food as my appeal…☆)

(I’ll have to remember to mention that in my in my interview with the idol magazine today. ♪)

(…I have a lot of solo work tomorrow, too. I’ve gotten a sudden increase in individual appearances lately…)

(I guess it’s because half of 2wink, that sold themselves for their identical looks, suddenly got an image change?)

(Though my blood does boil when trashy gossip mags will write about it and call it a “rebellious phase that came late” or an “agency policy” or whatever.)

(But I try to tell myself it’s better than not being talked about at all.)

Yuuta: (…But it seriously pisses me off though when it happens, though~.)

(Anyhow. The attention I’ll be getting for this is temporary, so I need to make sure I don’t get too cocky.)

(Right now, it’s just bonus time. I’m only being featured out of amusement, because they find it unusual and unheard of—)

(I need to properly give thought on how to proceed myself as 2wink, and as Aoi Yuuta…)

(I know things won’t be the same as they used to… How can I convey who I am now…?)

(……)

(Nope, I don’t have any ideas…)

(Maybe I’ll read idol magazines and ponder it.)

Rinne: Heya all~, Crazy:B minus Niki has arrived! ♪

Yuuta: (Ugh. Someone troublesome just came in!)

(I’ll hide my face behind this magazine to not be noticed…)

Rinne: Ooh, I see a little cutie! Yu~ta ♪

Yuuta: (Ignore him, ignore him…)

Rinne: That’s the magazine with Crazy:B’s gravure!

Are ya takin’ notice to me? I’m embarrassed~, Gyahaha! ☆

Yuuta: (I-Ignore him, ignore him…! If I react, I lose!)

HiMERU: —Amagi, quit it.

Kohaku: What he said. Can’t ya see you’re botherin’ Yuuta-han?

Rinne: It’s fine, it’s fiiine! Yuta and I are buddies!

Don’t ignore me, Yuta! Come have a nice chat with your big bro, ‘kay?

Yuuta: You are not my big bro!

Rinne: Theeere we go. Finally lookin’ at me, eh?

You eatin’ those spicy rice crackers again? Won’t ya upset yer stomach eatin’ too much of that stuff?

Yuuta: None of your business.

Rinne: Hmm… Are ya growin’ your hair out more?

Yuuta: It’s less that I’m growing it out, and just that I’m not cutting it.

I’m free to do whatever I want with my hair, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of work, aren’t I?

HiMERU: HiMERU agrees. Growing your hair long means more options for styling it.

Kohaku: Is that the reason why Niki-han’s got long hair too?

Rinne: In that guy’s case, growin’ it out would do nothin’ but just have it be longer, wouldn’t it?

He had his hair pulled back when we first met too, just shorter than it is now.

Kohaku: Is that so? …Yuuta-han, can I ask ya a stupid question that’s been on my mind for a while?

Is that hairstyle some sorta show of respect to Madara-han?

Yuuta: Huh, Mikejima-senpai?

Kohaku: Y’know, the half-up sorta look. It’s similar to how Madara-han wears his hair, y’know?

So I figured it maybe was a matter of respect. Doesn’t seem to be the case though, judgin’ from your reaction.

Yuuta: Ahaha… Yeah, it’s just a coincidence. I figured it’d be a little boring if I just grew it out.

It’d get in my face when I move around, so I just tied the sides of my hair up.

It’s a surprise to me that it was taken as a sign of respect for Mikejima-senpai. If I’m gonna grow my hair out, I gotta learn how to style it, huh…

Rinne: How ’bout we Crazy:B try givin’ producin’ yer hairstyle a try, Yuta? We’ll cook ya up a good meal!

Yuuta: Thank you very much~, if you’d be so kind, I’d appreciate it, then~.

Rinne: Ah, I thought ya would never agree to that in your life.

Yuuta: Ahaha. ♪ Seems like the magazine reporter is here to see me, so you’ll have to excuse me first.

HiMERU: Yes. I apologize for our Amagi.

Rinne: The hell you mean by that?

See ya later then, Yuta.

Kohaku: Do your best at work!

Yuuta: (Produce my hairstyle, huuuh?… Crazy:B’s changed, too. They weren’t that type of character when they first debuted.)

(…Guess the same goes for me. Back when I first debuted… No, even since when we’d perform on the streets, all I did was imitate Aniki.)

(As the two-in-one twin idols, 2wink.)

(Because, that was the strongest weapon we had.)

Yuuta: (…How will I change? How will I grow and who will I become?)

(……)

(I don’t know, so I’ll just do what I’m able to do now. One by one, as Aoi Yuuta would.)

(If I build myself up carefully like this, then one day—)

(I believe I’ll reach the future I desire.)

[ ☆ ]

story directory

#yuuta aoi #idol #translation #rinne amagi #himeru #kohaku oukawa

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ensemble-news · 11 months

Text

This week on Ensemble News

The newest Crazy:B event has the community busted. Several theories, notes and analyses have appeared as a consequence.

Last week's catastrophy regarding the Enstars assets Drive appears to have settled down, however, the future of the drive is still unknown.

Ensemble News, our account, is finally running! Round of applause, we hope you support us through our journey.

Want to know more? Stay with us

▶ Fandom Section

Crazy Anthem and its landmarks

The newest Crazy:B music video for their song "Crazy Anthem" has been released. Because of this, the fandom has been making speculations about the possible landmarks that the video may feature, alongside theories and other writings.

A user on Twitter ¹ has deciphered many of the possible locations in which Crazy:B appears through the video and, possible, during their event story.

The video happens in California, as the event synopsis explains, but it looks like their route starts in San Francisco and finishes in Baja California, Mexico.

Curious about the locations? Here are some of the ones the fandom was able to find;

— Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills

"Venus Beach" — Venice Beach, California

— Walk of Fame, Hollywood

— Los Cabos, Baja California, Mexico

References:

1. Lisaw (@.mafucchu) via Twitter. 28/05/2023. Link

The Enstars assets Drive and its future

The past May 18th, the Enstars wiki Twitter account made an important post ¹ spreading awareness about the current state of the assets drive held by the account @.gradualcolors. The Twitter thread written explained that the assets drive — in which all cards, art, chibis, gifs, voice packs, and etc. are hosted, was going to be taken down due to multiple DMCA violations.

A week later, @.gradualcolors mod replies:

"All I want to say is that I want to stick with my belief of "assets = fandom creativity" and I'll try my best to maintain the new drive when I put it out again. I want to keep seeing how ppl decorate their social media with those files or do fun things like reading guides!!

Tldr; drive gone, will be re-hosted because I want to, rip my wallet tho. - H.E. had precedent to nuke the drive for reposting reasons so pls be careful posting fan created edits - Lemme see the cool edits and cute carrds you guys use these files for when drive comes back" (Rai via twt) ²

We don't know how much time it'll take them to make the proper accomodations to restore the folders, but we sure hope the struggles seize sooner than later.

References:

1. Enstars wiki (@.enstarsENG) via Twitter. 18/05/2023. Link

2. Rai (@.sakasakitty) via Twitter. 21/05/2023. Link

Inauguration! Ensemble News is finally up

To conclude with this fandom section, we'd like to express our excitement for this passion project. Ensemble News is a little blog that was constructed with pure love, with the objective of informing others and bonding with the community further. We hope you give this blog a chance, we encourage you to interact with us and to enjoy your time here. ♡

▶ Game Section

Event

The first Climax event has been announced. It's time for Crazy:b and their newest event "Sugoroku* Journey! Number Eight is Our BGM" to shine. Synopsis:

"Rinne and co. are invited to appear on "Number Eight", a show that was popular once upon a time, and so they head overseas. From Crazy:B's dice result begins their road trip where everything is left up to fate--" (Iridescent via twt) ¹

This event will feature 5* Rinne Amagi, 4* HiMERU and 3* Niki Shiina and Kohaku Oukawa.

Feature Scout

Feature Scout 2: Koga, has been announced. Synopsis:

"Koga isn't quite able to figure out what casual shots should be like, causing him to struggle in his photoshoot. He wants to show a cool side of himself while still looking natural." (Iridescent via twt) ²

This scout features 5* Koga Oogami, 4* Mika Kagehira and 3* Tsumugi Aoba.

Event Scout

Scout: Biblion, has been announced. Synopsis:

"Tsukasa isn't entirely sure about joining Biblion yet, but he joins as a temporary member. He finds a book that interests him in the bestseller section, and is engrossed in the book's universe." (Iridescent via twt) ³

This scout features 5* Tsukasa Suou, 4* Kaoru Hakaze and 3* Nagisa Ran, Hajime Shino and Tsumugi Aoba.

References:

1. Iridescent (@.iridesenescence) via Twitter. 27/05/2023. Link

2. Iridescent (@.iridesenescence) via Twitter. 24/05/2023. Link

3. Iridescent (@.iridesenescence) via Twitter. 28/05/2023. Link

May 2023 Tsukisuta notes:

Main story 1.5 is currently being voiced, part 3 will come out on June 26th. Summer voicelines will be added in-game on June 1st. New stamps were added to the Ensemble Live shop. Outfits for the 8th anniversary are now in the dia shop. Element (animation) prints are out and currently being sold at 7-Eleven JP. The next round of Starry Symphony tickets will start being sold on Jun 8th.

▶ Thank you for using Ensemble News.

#📰 ensemble news #🗞️ weekly news #📆 date: 30/05/2023 #enstars #ensemble stars

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yyumemika · 2 months

Text

The Thrill That Emerges: Episode 1

Characters: Leo, Mika, Shu

Season: Winter

Mika: Sorry I made ya wait, Anzu-chan.

Ya weren't waitin' long at all? That's good, then.

Ah, ya brough me a drink? Thanks♪

So, what did ya wanna discuss? New work?

Nnah? It's Oshisan's turn t' to a feature live!?

I see~! I finally get to see Oshisan's solo live. I'm so happy, I've been lookin' forward to it fer ages♪

Hm? ...Ya want me t' help ya come up with an idea?

Come t' think of it, when we were talkin' about the special costume, didn't Anzu-chan come t' ask me what Oshisan's costume would look like.

...Maybe this time Anzu-chan could think up a couple of stage plans and Oshisan can pick between 'em.

.........

Nnah~...But if I say selfish stuff like that it might cause trouble fer Anzu-chan.

Can't we let Oshisan make the feature live from scratch?

When it came t' the special costume. we didn't have enough time and budget, so Anzu-chan and I thought up the ideas, and Oshisan finished it?

Of course, it was real beautiful too.

I got emotional when I saw the ideas we came up with were put into Oshisan's hands, and turned out to be even more amazin' than we imagined.

But... That's why I wanted t' see a solo live that Oshisan created from start to finish all by himself.

...Anzu-chan? Do what I say?

This time we got a lotta time... And Anzu-chan also wants t' see a solo live made by Oshisan from scratch?

Then, yer hearin' out my selfishness?

I'm so happy Anzu-chan said that! Thank ya kindly...♪

Ah, 'course. If ya get in trouble I'll help, so ask me anythin', kay?

Even though we got more time than before, I think we're askin' a lot from Oshisan this time.

I think it'll be tough, but we'll leave it to Oshisan♪

Shu: Hello, girl? The information that you sent about the feature live has come through just fine.

But... Is this everything?

The special costume has been attached, but it seems there's no information to see regarding the idea.

On the contrary, the scale of the lives performed by Valkyrie in the past and the stages that could be reproduced with the expected budget were summarized.

Hm? As opposed to the special costume, with the feature live we have more time.

However, instead of proceeding like last time, I wish to discuss with you the solo live I want to perform.

I understand your train of thought. In other words, you're saying it would be better this time if I were to make the stage from scratch as I please.

Fortunately, I have no urgent work or plans for a group exhibit. It seems I can use my time for the feature live to my heart's content.

...Though even without being told, there are limits to the time and budget, that much I understand.

Ha. As I continue my career in fine arts, those two things will always follow.

...However, creating great art requires appropriate compensation.

Knowing everything, you wanted to see a feature live created by Shu Itsuki, did you not?

In that case, I will do to just that.

Let's have a detailed meeting this weekend once I return to Japan. Until then I'll collect some ideas.

...Hm? Is there something else?

Aah. I'm also aware of the pamphlet photography. I'll think of a situation for that too.

Well then, I'll get to work.

...What is it? If you're busy then spit it out.

"Please let me learn a lot this time"?

Hmph. I'm telling you I have no intention of teaching you.

If you want to learn, then watch and learn, but don't get in my way.

Yes. Alright, I'm hanging up.

(A feature live, hm. Although there are many restrictions, a solo live is valuable.)

(Also, this time she said she would accommodate my request to some extent. I can't afford to miss this opportunity.)

Kakaka, I'll start devising ideas right away.

Leo: Wahaha☆ Shu looks happy~!

Shu: Gyaa!?

Leo: Ooh! When was the last time I saw Shu surprised like that?

Ah, it's been too long since I've been this inspired! Wait a sec while I write this down!

Shu: Tsukinaga! When did you sneak in!

Or rather, if you're going to be here, don't yell! It's incredibly childish to surprise someone and enjoy their reaction!

Leo: Ah~ When I first came here, you often got angry like that! Yep, the melody is close to nostalgia...♪

Shu: You don't listen, as usual...

Whatever. At any rate, I suppose you came here again without a cause.

Leo: I do have a cause~? I came to get motivation from Shu! And now you've motivated me so I'm satisfied!

Shu: If you're done then go home. I want to concentrate on work.

Leo: Is that what you were talking about on the phone earlier, a live or something? Were you talking to Anzu~?

Shu: Not just any live, a feature live.

Leo: Hm~? Have I heard that somewhere?

Shu: You probably have. I can't pinpoint when, but your turn is yet to come.

...No, in your case, it's likely you're just forgetting.

Put simply, it's my solo live.

Leo: It's not Michael and Shu's performance, but just Shu's~!

How nice! I'm getting really inspired now!

Shu: I don't feel bad about having expectations, I'm just pursuing my own art as usual.

Leo: Yeah, I think that's a good thing. It's interesting to see the things Shu creates.

The things Shu creates have started changing this past year, I'm looking forward to seeing what the current Shu is going to do for his own live!

Shu: That's natural. Just like you, I've also received various influences in this foreign country.

My art is improving and my expression is expanding. This feature live is a great opportunity to make use of.

Leo: Yup. I'm rooting for you~

Well, it's probably harder for Anzu, who has to go through with consulting Shu. There are times when Shu can be really fickle about a lot of things.

Shu: It's unacceptable for the art I create to be even a little disorderly. I'm a very particular artist.

(...In any case, in order to go through with the plan, I need to communicate with that girl.)

(Even if it's for consolation, perhaps it's better to do what you can.)

#ensemble stars #enstars #shu itsuki #mika kagehira #leo tsukinaga #idol story #english translation

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mitsuri-chan333 · 10 months

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♡ Mika x reader fluff ♡

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

“So, I see you have returned Mika?” The voice of Krul Tepes herself could be heard.

Not long after, I soon could hear footsteps wandering close to the place in which I was standing. I was a human, hiding among the vampires. Well, I guess you could say I was a vampire, considering.

Half of my blood consisted of that of a vamp, causing my eyes to have that slit iris that all vampires have. They had no suspect of the fact that half my blood was that of a human.

The only one who really knew my secret was Mika, which is why he’s one of the only ones here I trust. Not to mention, if any of the vampires found out I was a half breed….

My thoughts were cut off by Mika’s presence composing the door. His blonde hair striking as usual. His blue eyes glimmering, yet not.

“Hey Mika? So how’d the vamp meeting go? Any fun I doubt.” I stroke up, chuckling a bit at my sarcasm.

“Tch, only more talk of how we will extinguish man kind.” He sounded as if he hated the idea. I was none to talk. I understood where he was coming from.

I myself had mixed feelings about such a decision as well. The idea of killing off an entire population, for what? Sure bloods important, but still.

“Let’s go.” Mika signaled to me. I understood, there’s too many ears here.

I said not a word, yet he could tell from the glimmer in my eyes and walked on. I waited not a second to extend my foot forward.

I walked, my foot hitting the concrete bottom of the floor being the only thing echoing through the room. Mika’s presence being the only thing I’m focused on. Lately I’ve been distracted, and I don’t want to be a burden.

Especially not to Mika. I know about his past and everything he’s been through. Mika seems cold but in reality, there are so many emotions swirling around inside of him.

I felt something stop me from walking any further. It took me a second to realize what I’d bumped into. I blinked before I noticed it was Mika’s back.

It didn’t take long for the blonde headed boy to question me.

“Y/n? Have you been getting any rest. I know you don’t run on pure blood alone like full blooded vampires do.” Mika’s voice was way more concerned then I was used to.

It took me a second to adjust. I just looked up. “ I’m fine Mika. You shouldn’t worry about someone like me.” I watched him flinch at the words I laid before him.

His eyes glimmered and shook weirdly. I’ve never seen him look so desperate, no not desperate. So worried? My eyes only stuck to his features. I watched his lips part.

Before his lips could even press play on the script being written in his brain, his arms. They wrapped around my frame and pulled me closely toward him. His left hand stabilizing my head and bringing it closer to his chest. I could feel warm breath on my ear. His heart beat was so quick.

I felt my heart rate pick up and I could feel his warmth spreading. To a point my own face went hot and it seemed as if I could run a fever at any moment. The only thought I had was how close his soft peachy lips were to my ear.

“Don’t say that about yourself.” I felt my eyes widen and my heart felt, tight.

“But…” I felt him squeeze me tighter and closer to him.

“Just rest, rest here.”

“W-won’t it bother you though? Don’t you find me…..”

“Find you, what?”

“B-bothersome?” At my words I felt him seat me down on his lap, his own figure now sitting on the side of a sidewalk under a bridge.

“You’re not any of the sort. You might be half vampire, but you’re nothing like them. And please don’t hesitate to trust me or tell me when you’re tired because I want you to know that I don’t wish to harm you in any way and that I won’t manipulate you like any of those other bastards. I-I…” I felt the hesitation in his voice.

I looked up at him, tears brewing in my eyes. He looked at me softly, before parting his lips to finish his sentence.

“I just want to see you smile.” I watched his lips curve and a beautifully bright smile formed. I could feel it now. Each and every drop welling its way down my burning cheeks. I smiled and hugged him tightly. Gripping his cloak comfortably. His arms wrapping around me rather protectively.

“Me too, Mika.” Those words caused an enormously beautiful smile to appear on his lips before he pulled me to his chest. I heard him start humming. His humming was so gentle, yet soothing. I felt his fingers explore my hazelnut, golden locks.

He smelled like the fresh ocean breeze gliding over the coast on a newly born morning when the sun had finally decided to give you its best smile. The sound of heavy rain gliding into my ears. My eyes growing heavier by the second. I felt so at peace.

“Mika, thank you.” Was the only thing I whispered before I fell victim to sleep herself. I will do everything in my power to help you. Even if it goes against the vampires or the humans, no matter what I’m confused as or seen as…..

You will always be the one that my loyalty refuses to cease with.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

#seraph of the end #mikaela hyakuya #mika hyakuya #mikaela x reader #fluff #x reader #romance #emotions #anime #aesthetic

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meowufff · 25 days

Text

I had the urge to get my thoughts a bit organized about him and all so this is a try to somehow get any kind of structure down and written.

Soooo I have not ever spend a lot of thought into any kind of background story so all I can provide is some loose shit I improvise right this moment from my gut feeling!

•⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •

Oron had been a little black breasted leaf turtle, kept as a pet from some random New Yorker, until an Oozquito found it's way into the appartment. The result was a very curious and mobile mutant turtle, finding it's way out of the appartment and into the street of the city.

Due to his curious nature, and missing sense of danger, he crawled his way thru the alleys and roads, miraculously without hurting himself or being spotted.

Until one day, while rummaging thru some interesting looking trash, which had been glowing so delightfully, made him fall down into the depth of the hidden city~

There, not far away from the big pile of human junk, had been Mika, looking for some goods to sell, and heard the chirps and thrills of the little turtle.

Not knowing what else to do, now that he actually found the abandoned child, he decided to keep it, not having the heart to just turn around and leave.

Quite fast, the outgoing nature and curiosity of the little guy proved to be very challenging, especially if you try to keep your own profile as low as possible. Not aiding to that situation had been the, for Mika incomprehensible, fascination of Oron for insects.

He's loosing Oron multiple times on a daily basis due to him running after some bug he saw scurrying around a corner. The strong stubbornness of the little turtle prevented any kind of conditioning or reasoning, to just let the disgusting bugs be, so Mika just had to accept that feature of his small companion at one point.

The only incedent actually teaching Oron a lesson had been, when he ran into the dog of a bounty hunter after following a pretty looking butterfly, and almost got used as a chew toy as consequence. Mika fortunately had been there in time, before any big physical damage had been done.

Another obstacle, is the fact that the little guy relentlessly refuses to learn any kind of speaking. The only words he ever uses, are Mikas and his own name, but no other words have left his lips so far. It took Mika a good chunk of time to fully get back into the chirping and churring knowledge, but by now he is able to fully understand every sound Oron makes.

A quite helpful quirk of Oron is that he is naturally able to handle cold temperatures quite well and doesn't need as much warmth as Mika to prevent himself from hibernating, leaving the warmer blankets to the often freezing one while sleeping in the alleys of the hidden city.

Very late, after meeting the 4 Hamato brothers, Mika actually got the information from Donnie that Oron is, biologically speaking, a female turtle. Mika didn't knew how to tell the difference, just taking a 50/50 guess, and Oron himself didn't knew the concept of female and male. It also doesn't really bother Oron either being called she or he, but he got used to the pronouns he/him, which Mika uses for him, so he feels most familiar with those.

•⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •⁠ •

ALRIGHTY

That's all my thoughts so far.

I def wanna do smth like that again for Mika, but I think that's gonna take a little while ~

I hope ANY of that make sense and WOW you actually are still reading this?!

.....

Here, take a cookie as treat 🍪 ...

#This is WAY longer than I anticipated #Im sorry....#I had a lot of things stored in my head and while writing down even more surfaced!#jdghjshgjshgjwdshj #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #oc #Oron #Mika #Oc Oron #Oc Mika #rottmnt oc #tmnt oc #oc rottmnt

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raes-writing-space · 1 month

Text

Matthew Anderson x Reader *Healing Inner Child Comfort*

Warnings: Childhood trauma, however kept rather vague and generalized. Not beta read.

Summary: After having to take care and deal with so many traumatic things at a young age, it's made you feel like an adult, even when you weren't. Now that you are an adult, looking back and realizing you couldn't just be a kid and have a normal childhood really upsets you. Matthew comforts the character and shows them that while it might not be the same, it's still possible to just act like a kid and heal your inner child.

Word Count: 2,620

A/N: Reader isn't exactly Mika, and I spaced out the time from the first game between Malix and Diana it took a little over a month, because having the events happening within a week is wild to me.

Can you tell I'm a bit biased based on the word count? Also, I was just rereading my other drabble I wrote for him and didn't realize how similar these are (in which tag is involved). So maybe one day I might come back to this and do it a bit differently, but who knows. Expect the next prompt with Matthew to either be really short or really long, because again, it is kind of based off of my own experiences. So I might get way into it, or keep it short to avoid myself from getting triggered. I guess we'll see!

Story under the cut to save space/scroll time!

Things had already started settling into a new normal in the mansion that your grandfather left you in his will. While things were a bit chaotic at first, finding bloodied incubi men on the floor wasn't ideal, nor did it make sense to you at first. But now? You can't imagine anything different, the five brothers really opened up your eyes to a whole new world besides the one you were used to. They had made you breakfast this morning, like they typically did to show you gratitude for letting them stay there after the events with both Malix and Diana.

However, as everyone was starting to clean up Sam and Matthew had seemed to start bickering with each other, over what exactly? You didn't exactly catch it, but it did lead to Matthew starting an unspoken game of tag between him and his brothers. While James seemed to stay out of it, but had a small smile on his features showing his true feelings. Eric and Damien had joined in, laughing for a moment before James seemed to put an end to it so that they could all finish cleaning up.

As you watched, for some reason it made you feel a bit envious. At first, you didn't quite understand why you felt that way. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that you couldn't remember the last time you had played tag. You were sure you had played tag at some point, but as you tried to recall the memory, only the memories of your childhood that you could remember were of things you wished you could forget.

This only lead you to think about it more, surely there had to have been a happy childhood memory in there somewhere. You had some friends in your elementary school days, and you remember being outside at recess. But what did you do during recess? You remember being on the swings quite often, and watching the other kids around you playing, and you remember being on the monkey bars, but those were all things that you remembered doing alone. The envy within you started to turn into bitter sadness, you remembered how hard it was to get birthday party invites, and if it was a sleepover, you usually couldn't go, or stay for the whole night.

The traumas you experienced as a kids started to bubble up more and more as you thought about it, and you could remember having to hold yourself differently. You always had to take care of someone, or fix something that shouldn't have been your problem at such a young age. You started to realize just how fast you had to grow up, how you started to see the world different even as a child, and how you had to learn how to survive at such a young age. That eventually, it seemed like birthday parties and whether or not you were invited to play soccer with the other kids all became secondary to your other list of priorities. Getting good grades in school, doing your chores at home, making sure to watch your tone around your parents, and how to determine what set of footsteps approached your bedroom door became the new set of priorities for you.

"Mx? Are you okay?" James seemed to question, snapping you back into your reality.

You didn't even know that you had started crying, suddenly feeling so angry that you started shaking. Now that you were an adult and away from your parents, your childhood home, your past, it finally hit you all at once just how much you missed out on. You couldn't even seem to answer James, simply shaking your head, before suddenly taking your leave to get some fresh air before it somehow got worse. You weren't mad at the boys for playing around, you were mad at the fact that you didn't seem to know how to ask to join in, how to be child again, instead of the paranoid adult you grew up to be. You were mad that you missed out on a whole childhood that you couldn't get back, and now it's too late to do anything about it.

It felt like grief to you, similar to the grief you felt when your grandfather passed. But this time, it felt as if you grieving over a potential life you could have had. Grieving the child version of yourself that deserved better, and never was able to get it by the time that childhood was over.

It was Matthew who came out first to try and comfort you, they all seemed to want to, but you had grown close to Matthew in a way you didn't quite realize until that moment. You enjoyed his company because of how "childish" he seemed to be, despite being able to hold his own fair share of responsibility and wisdom. You wished you could be more like him in that way, being able to just let go and have fun, instead of holding yourself back all because of how you were raised. Maybe Damien told them what you had been thinking about at the time, and they decided that maybe it was best for Matthew to be the one to come out to you. Or maybe he just wanted to make sure you were alright on his own accord.

"Hey, (Y/N)." Matthew greeted at first, "Do you mind if I stay out here with you?"

You simply shrugged at first, unsure of how to feel. You knew there would have to be a conversation about how you were feeling at some point. Being vulnerable was always a bit tough for you, having to always keep it together for the sake of your family.

"Take your time, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Matthew added, not trying to pressure you into a conversation you were ready to have yet.

"It's hard to explain." You simply shook your head at first, not knowing where to begin, and not exactly wanting to spill your whole life story to him in order to explain.

"Then don't explain, not yet any way… Do you want to play tag with me?" Matthew suddenly questioned, catching you a bit off guard.

"What?" You asked, but it was pointless to ask, as Matthew suddenly approached you and touched you, yelling "Tag! You're it!" before running away from you.

It took you a moment to process what had happened, before you started to walk towards him at first. He smiled, walking backwards away from you, waiting to see if you would suddenly stop, or decide to chase after him. After a moment, you picked up your pace, feeling unsure about what was happening but still trying to go after him anyway. Soon, Matthew took off running again, and you couldn't help but feel the need to stop. It felt a bit silly to you to be playing a game of tag. A couple of minutes had passed, before you felt a voice suddenly come from behind you.

"Are you going to tag me?" Matthew questioned, as you quickly turned around, a bit surprised, and yet, still reaching out for him to attempt to tag him anyway.

He laughed, dodging out of the way, before you squinted your eyes at him dodging out of the way and attempting to tag him again. He was so close to you, how could you not tag him? Yes, it felt silly, but if he was going to tease you about it, at least you could make an attempt to try. It seemed like mere inches were keeping the two of you separated, before you finally decided to chase after him and finally tagging him.

"Tag! Finally!" You shouted, sounding a bit exasperated, making Matthew laugh at your reaction.

However, it took half a second for him to tag you again, as you forgot that it was now your turn to run.

"Tag! New rule, no tag backs." Matthew smirked.

"What? That's not fair, you just tagged me back!" You defended, tagging him back.

"Fine, I'll give you one freebie, but now there's no tag backs!" Matthew stated, as he seemed to run back inside the house.

Within a second you saw Eric coming outside chasing Matthew, who only stopped when he saw you and started to run towards you. You assumed it was out of pure instinct more than a cooperation to playing that you ran away from him. Eric did seem a lot more threatening when he was suddenly chasing after you suddenly, when you had just been standing mindlessly a second ago. It took a second, before Eric tagged you, you thought maybe it was unfair, unsure if it was simply his long legs giving him the advantage, or the fact that they were a completely different species with different advantages than you. As soon as you were tagged, you looked around, Matthew couldn't have possibly known that you were it now, right? Would he even trust you if you approached him anyway? Then you smirked, heading inside calmly. You tried to clear your mind of your little plan, just in case Damien wanted to rat you out, as you found Sam first. Sam didn't think much of anything, before you tagged him, as you announced the "No tag backs!" rule quickly, which gave you a head start.

"Aw, what!?" Sam groaned, before he ran towards Damien, who did happen to hear his thoughts and already had a head start before Sam could even process where his brother could be.

This game of tag seemed to last for at least thirty minutes, but it felt more like two hours. You were out of breath, and at times you had even given up on running all together, opting for a casual stroll instead and accepting your fate. At some point you had to call "times" to get a drink of water, and encouraged the others to get their water break too, and that they'd all have at least ten seconds to run before the game started up again.

As much as James had tried to avoid the inevitable, even telling his brothers that he wasn't interested in playing, when it came to you, he eventually gave in and finally let you tag him. You felt even more excited, running outside and yelling to everyone else that James was it. This only seemed to make the brothers up the stakes when it came to each other, but always made sure to at least slow themselves down when it came to you.

When your feet finally started to hurt, you collapsed onto the soft grass with a laugh. You couldn't help but start crying again in the midst of your laughter, suddenly overcome with a sense of nostalgia and happiness. Matthew collapsed next to you not too long after.

"I'm not it, I swear! We should team up and go hide from them and see how long it takes for them to notice and find us." Matthew suggested, as you simply nodded at first, wiping your tears away for a moment.

You followed him, telling him how you had found out that the mansion had a small secret side room in the library. Immediately the two of you snuck around to try and make it to the library without getting noticed by the others. Matthew was your lookout when you entered the library and opened up the secret room, motioning for him to follow in quickly. An automatic light seemed to flick on in the room, as you had closed the door behind the two of you. It was nice to get a bit of a breather from running, you never had really thought about hiding during a game of tag before.

"Thank you." You simply told him at first, as it was just the first thing on your side.

"Yeah, I just wanted you to feel included." He simply replied, and you couldn't help but think that he wasn't completely being truthful about his intentions about his game of tag.

"I didn't really get this a lot growing up." You started, hoping to ease into why you had been upset earlier.

"We didn't either…" Matthew sympathized, and you couldn't help but forget that they didn't have the best life back in the Abyssal Plains.

"Do you ever get angry that you didn't get a childhood?"

"Things are a bit different in the Abyssal Plains… Growing up, we didn't really think about it much. We did get to play with each other sometimes, but I imagine it wasn't like how you guys played as children here."

"That makes sense… When I saw you guys playing tag earlier, I just couldn't help but wonder when the last time I had played tag was, and my memories just continued to disappoint me." You confessed, "I didn't realize just how fast I had to grow up as a child…"

"I'm sorry to hear that… I really am."

You simply nodded as a response at first, "I just can't help but grieve a childhood I never had, I'm sure I'll get over it eventually…" you shrugged.

"You might have missed out of your childhood, but that doesn't mean you can't make your adulthood something your child self could be proud of and have fun with." Matthew stated, as he was fidgeting with some of the random dusty stuff in the room.

"Where would I even start?" You couldn't help but ask, it was supposed to be rhetorical, but he turned and smiled at you anyway.

"Well, I think you already started."

You smiled, feeling a sense of comfort at his words. You did feel that earlier, that happiness and nostalgia. Maybe it wasn't impossible to get those feelings back, to feel comfortable about feeling like a little kid, and making the child version of you proud. There was a moment of comfortable silence while you processed his words.

"Hey, isn't this the book that James was reading yesterday?" Matthew asked, lifting up the book, as you walked over and gently examined the book with him.

It was in fact, not dusty at all, at least compared to the other things in the room. It was just then that they had noticed that one of the leather chairs in the room seemed to not have a spec of dust on it either. Just as they had noticed it, the two of you looked at each other.

"We should leave, just in case." You mentioned "nonchalantly" as you pointed towards the door.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." He agreed, and just as the two of you had began to leave the secret room, James had come into the room.

The two of you froze, "Are you it, James?" Matthew couldn't help but ask him.

"Well, I suppose there's only one way to find out." James seemed to smirk, teasing them both.

"You wouldn't play tag in the library, would you? There's quite a lot of important things in here…" You added, trying to reason with him as you inched closer to the door that lead out to the hallway.

"I wouldn't, you are right about that." James nodded, making you let out a breath.

Before you could process it, Matthew had already taken off running. But just as he had left out to the hallway, Eric had been waiting for him and tagged him making Matthew let out a groan of frustration. This made you, and the two eldest brothers laugh. Just as Matthew had started to come back, you were quick to come up with a new rule.

"The library is off limits!"

#seduce me otome x reader #seduce me otome #matthew anderson x reader #Matthew Anderson #Seduce Me Otome Matthew #Comfort Characters Comfort Prompts #raes-writing-space #Seduce Me Zecaeru

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glamfurarchive · 1 year

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₊ ˚.🎀- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ╮

WELCOME TO THE GLAMFUR ARCHIVE!

Ran by Mika [he/it] @speedymags , this archive is dedicated to a very niche part of the furry community that’s been almost long forgotten.

[GENERAL:]

- I do accept asks and submissions! If you want to send glamfur art you’ve found/created (as long as you have a source), if you need help finding who created a specific piece, or if you have any general questions about the subculture!

- Please note that the archive is scheduled to posting at 12pm EST every day, but some days may not due to malfunctions, hiatus, or the queue running out. I will usually notify everyone about this.

- This account doesn’t have a “DNI”, as those are usually broken anyways. All I ask is that you don’t attempt to spread hate on my page.

- DMs are always open in order to inquiry about work posted. I will take down art upon request, all you have to do is ask!

[TAG SYSTEM]

- #! submissions (used for all art that was submitted through an ask/dm)

- #0️⃣0️⃣0️⃣0️⃣ (can be any number combination, meant to signify the year of the art posted, made for easy sorting)

- #> artist name (names the artist involved, made for easy sorting/browsing) *some posts may have more than one of these, usually due to the artist having multiple aliases and/or the piece being a collab

- #mika talks (for general updates and whatnot)

- #mika answers (for answering asks)

- #not an archive (all posts that aren’t art archives)

[RESOURCES:]

📂╰─> old glamfur livejournal

📂╰─> glamfur category/history on e621

📂╰─> glamfur lolcow thread

📂╰─> glamfur deviantart group

📂╰─> glamfur tag on furbooru

[WHAT IS GLAMFUR?]

Glamfur was a furry artistic movement started in early 2002 on sites like DeviantArt, FurAffinity, LiveJournal, and e621.

Glamfur draws from, and has inspired, many different subcultures among anthro artists. Those being:

- Sparkledogs/Sparklefur

- Gloomdog/Gloomfur

- Ravefur

- Furrycore

A lot of these subcultures look noticeably more toned-down compared to the harsh look of Glamfur art.

[NOTICEABLE ART FEATURES:]

- Alternative Fashion Influence; cybergoth, emo/scene, raver, pastel goth, visual kei, punk, and decora are some of the more popular ones

- Humanoid Faces And Bodies; this isn’t always the case, especially not nowadays, but when the style was at its peak you may have noticed it

- Extreme Body Modifications; most notably piercings, everywhere. you’ll know it when you see it.

- Large Ears; one of the defining features, they’re seldom left uncovered with aforementioned piercings.

- Alarmingly Unrealistic Proportions; i mean this in the most positive way ever. the most popular glamfur art has most characters with deathly thin bodies and noticeable ribcages. chunky feet were also popular choices

- Dark Themes And Gore; another big one. oftentimes characters are drawn with scars and bruises. mad doctors, zombies, and vampires are also pretty popular.

- Drugs And Cigarettes; you’ll come to find that the glamfur community and a lot of its art idolizes these kinds of things. it’s part of the “rebellious nature”.

#glamfur #sparklefur #ravefur #gloomdog

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