#like i said last time. romantic familial platonic queerplatonic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 3 months

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Poor Nanami. Hes got all problems rn (one kid uncondcious, two kids really really insisting they did the grand theft auto, one going throufh the most insane emotional journey possible)

I keep thinking about how in the same conversation Yuuta both asked Nanami to neglect him more (insanely concerning) and then also said hed kill himself in front of him (also insanely concerning) after like 5 hours ago going youre *not* my dad. Parenthood is tough.

Nanami, going onto r/Parenting for help with this shit:

I (27M) am the father of three. My eldest (16M) was recently introduced to my two younger children (15F & 14M) under less than ideal circumstances. They all seem to be getting along well—my eldest son and daughter already appear to be friends. My youngest son had to be hospitalized, and the eldest has developed a very protective bond with him. This is one of the issues—I’m harboring some concerns that he may kill the people who hurt my youngest in his defense.

I have a series of other problems that have arisen in the last twelve hour span:

First, my daughter recently stole a car to transport her brother to medical attention after discovering his injuries. My youngest now insists that he was the one who stole it, despite being blind and bleeding out at the time of the theft. How do I convince him that it was okay that the car was stolen and to stop distressing himself with trying to take the blame?

Second, my eldest went through a medical issue recently that destabilized his emotional control, likely contributing to his strong bond with my youngest and the homicidal thoughts. I'm attempting to get him to rest; however, this makes him feel like he's failing to protect my youngest. How do I convince him to rest and take care of his own needs?

Third, the same eldest told me that I’m not his father, asked me to neglect him more, and told me that he’d kill himself in front of me if I tried to discuss puberty with him. Our relationship is very new, and I believe he was being hyperbolic in many of his statements, but I want to communicate to him that he can safely come to me with any issues he may face. How can I best do this?

Fourth, I have recently uncovered reason to believe that my daughter is harboring an active fear that we may one day cut her off from her younger brother permanently. We are currently parenting them through a non-sexual, platonic polycule, and I decided that I was obligated to share this information with the others so that we may address it as a family. Now, however, she has been avoiding me, and I fear she may trust me less. How do I address both the breach in trust and the likely fears of abandonment? I only want her to be happy.

Fifth, my eldest appears to have a relationship of indeterminate nature with his four closest friends. They were all found sleeping in the same bed together, are rarely apart, and he spends most of his time with his best friend/possible romantic partner (15F), though they have gotten in several physical confrontations in the twelve hours I have known them. It is unclear whether their relationship is platonic, romantic, or queerplatonic in nature, though his best friend does appear to be making romantic overtures to my daughter. I obviously support whatever their nature may take (both due to my pre-existing personal opinions and the obviously unique nature of the relationship I have with my coparenting polycule), but I do believe that the answers may affect what topics should be covered in any discussion we may have on puberty and sexual wellbeing. Obviously, this talk is not happening any time soon, due to the aforementioned threat to kill himself in front of me if I attempted to discuss such topics, but I’d like to be prepared should the need arise. Does anyone have any recommendations on how to casually communicate that I support him in whatever form of relationship he finds himself in? Should I cover all of the bases when I give him the talk just in case?

I consider myself somewhat of a veteran parent (I have been raising children for more than a decade now), but these last twelve hours have surprised me with how taxing they've been. Has anyone encountered anything like this? Any advice will be appreciated.

Edit: My youngest had to be hospitalized because his extended family, who is not allowed any contact with him, kidnapped him and injured him to the point of hospitalization. This is not what I'm seeking advice on. We are more than capable of formulating our plans for revenge without the aid of strangers on the internet.

Second Edit: Please stop asking how I'm able to be the father of three teenagers at the age of 27. All of my children were adopted. No one needs to call the police.

Third Edit: My eldest had not yet met his younger siblings because he was only recently adopted under rather dire circumstances. The ex-boyfriend of a member of our coparenting group recently attempted to murder him (for reasons unrelated to the group), and then in the aftermath a different group attempted to force him into indentured servitude. We were looking to allow him time to adjust to his new circumstances before introducing him to his siblings.

Fourth Edit: Yes, I adopted my first two children when I was sixteen. This was not so much allowed as no one could stop us. I fail to see the relevance in this to the problem at hand; however, due to the influx of questions I have decided to provide the information anyway.

Fifth Edit: Yes, I was the poster who sought advice all those years ago regarding the young children that my upperclassman had somehow acquired. No, I still do not know where he got them from. It no longer matters, because we ended up keeping them and are raising them ourselves. Please direct all further comments to the actual questions asked.

#sea glass gardens #nanamis going through it okay #he’s really fucking trying

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rohirric-hunter · 15 days

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Hi sorry I was going to leave a comment on that QPR post you made but my thoughts got too long for it lol.

I totally agree with the post itself! but you kinda lost me at that last tag there. Like yes defining a qpr as an “elevated” friendship is absolutely incorrect and devalues friendship, but I don’t think that queerplatonic is a “new dumb word” that was just made up for the sake of it y’know? The way I’ve always understood it, a qpr is an important friendship that is Different from your other friendships, not necessarily more important, it’s just different to you by a significant enough degree that you feel the need to differentiate it from your other relationships. By design the definition is not meant to be any more specific than that, because everyone approaches romantic vs platonic relationships differently, so what counts as “different” varies from person to person. So what exactly a QPR *is* also varies from person to person. Basically the term has been misused and misunderstood by a lot of people, but it absolutely still has a use and a reason to exist. It’s not for everyone but also it’s not really meant to be y’know? Anyway I hope I haven’t just made it sound more confusing, I worry I’m not good at explaining this stuff

Also I’m not upset about the take in any way and I hope I didn’t make it sound like I was, I just kinda had Thoughts about it that I wanted to share 💜 (and sorry for being on anon, I am a long time follower but I just get really nervous about sending these kind of asks. Feel free to delete this if you don’t feel like posting a response I totally understand )

I want to open by saying I understand I was really aggressive in my original post. Maybe I wouldn't have said the thing about a new dumb word if I had made it when I was calmer.

But to be honest I think I still don't get it. It sounds like what you're describing might be a Best Friend? This is another term that has been misused a lot; when I was a kid it was a fad for little girls especially to have a best friend that they did basically everything with -- this was viewed as almost a requirement and in the rush to find a best friend since of course you had to have one people often didn't manage to bother about whether or not the person they labeled their best friend was really a very good friend, or a friend at all. I'm also quite certain that this was in large part a marketing stunt by Big Jewelry who realized it afforded them the perfect opportunity to convince people to buy two bracelets/necklaces/what have you instead of one in the form of friendship sets. Not that I have anything against those by themselves, but you have to admit the potential profit for a number of less than scrupulous individuals makes how hard they were pushed suspicious. So I definitely see why people might shy away from the term, or not realize that it actually means something real and serious. But 100% when I have relationships like what you just described the word for it is Best Friend.

The reason why the word upsets me is sort of complicated and multilayered. The word "queer" was first used (and primarily still is used) to describe gay people, so to the average straight mind it comes with this romantic or sexual connotation. So right off the bat you are giving the impression that this is just a friends with benefits situation at best, and a normal romantic relationship but you don't want to use that word at worst. This is of course not what the word means, I've never seen it used to mean that, but that's definitely the impression it gives. And I don't really want to get into the specifics but this is an attitude that has hurt me and my friends and family in a lot of ways over the years.

Maybe I still don't understand and there's something else there. And maybe for people with a lot of trauma around the misuse of "friend" finding a different word is good. I wish they would pick a different one, though. This one is badly designed, and feeds (unintentionally) into the widespread idea that anything not straight and allo must just be a front for weird sex.

(I'm not upset either, for the record, at least not seriously and not at you, and you're fine on anon. I hope this isn't offensive at all, I just genuinely don't get it. The word seems unnecessary and harmful to me. Not intentionally so, of course, but there it is.)

#i mean to some degree its not the fault of the person using the word if other people have weird baggage attached to it #so thats another angle #idk

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soporificdelights · 10 months

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》 DREAMER, the POLYMITARIUS has chosen you. The INPERIUM await 《

Lucia ☪ Adult ☪ She/They

Welcome to my self-ship blog, SoporificDelights! It’s always harder to talk about myself than it is to talk about my F/Os but I suppose introducing myself is step one, aha. As you’ve seen, I’m Lucia (though Lu is also acceptable) and I love to write, draw, and daydream. I enjoy gaming but I lean more toward story based ones (RPG’s and Sims mostly) though I do enjoy trying out new games outside my usual. I also enjoy anime and manga, so expect some of my interests from a little bit of everywhere.

I enjoy gushing and ranting about my F/Os but I also enjoy gushing with others about theirs. If you ever wanted to rave about how sweet your F/O is, or just talk about our S/Is interacting or something please open my messages! I adore talking to people. I’m pretty low energy most days (between work and household things) so I love just sitting down to talk about my darlings and/or/with friends and like minded people. That said...

Before you Contact/Interact:

This blog isn't strictly SFW. With that said, for my comfort and sanity, please do not interact if you are under 18. I understand that not everyone has the same maturity and people grow at different speeds/rates. I don’t mind if you look at my blog, I just do not wish to get asks/messages, likes, or reblogs from minors.

Anything with sensitive or upsetting content will always be tagged as such. Just because it’s my space doesn’t mean I want you to feel unsafe or uncomfortable in it.

I’m not sure on my stance about sharing Romantic F/Os as of the moment, so for now, if we do share, please just warn me ahead of time. I don’t mind gushing about F/Os and our relationships with them, but I’m unsure if I feel comfortable seeing art/writing and such.

If you ever want to trade art/writing/etc for my art/writing, don’t hesitate to message me! I’m just as eager to see you happy with your F/Os as I am with my own.

Likes, Reblogs, and Replies are not just welcomed but appreciated.

F/Os & Tags below

General tags:

Headcanons, General Rambles, and Answered Asks: (Daydreams)

Vents, Triggers, and Upsetting Content: (Nightmares)

Self Insert: (Dreamer)

Art: (Dreamcrafting)

Writing: (Dreamweaving)

Romantic F/Os [Last Updated 2/7/24]

Guzma (Pokemon) 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 [My Home is You]

Piers (Pokemon) 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 [Moonlight Duet]

Satan (Obey Me/Nightbringer) 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 [Forward With Interlocked Fingers]

Inumaki Toge (Jujustu Kaisen) 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 [Serenity in Silence]

Terano “South” Minami (Tokyo Revengers) 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 [Violent Lovers Melody]

Shiba Taiju (Tokyo Revengers) 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 [Bittersweet Love Game]

Hanma Shuji (Tokyo Revengers) 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 [Never A Dull Moment]

Dabi (My Hero Academia) 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 [We Burn Brighter Together]

Queerplatonic F/Os:

Shigaraki Tomura (My Hero Academia) ☾ [Multiplayer Chaos]

Mammon (Obey Me/Nightbringer) ☾ [Heart of Gold]

Diavolo (Obey Me/Nightbringer) ☾ [A Worthy Future]

Mochizuki “Mochi” Kanji (Tokyo Revengers) ☾ [Big Soft Must Smooch]

Akashi “Sanzu” Haruchiyo (Tokyo Revengers) ☾ [The River and Judgment]

Wakasa Imaushi (Tokyo Revengers) ☾ [Blank Faces and Playful Kisses]

Arashi “Benkei” Keizo (Tokyo Revengers) ☾ [All-Encompassing Warmth]

Akashi Takeomi (Tokyo Revengers) ☾ [Drink Depress Repeat]

Familial F/Os:

Plumeria (Pokemon) ☆ [Our Stupid Brothers and Sisters]

Marnie (Pokemon) ☆ [Your Smile Worth Life Itself]

Magne (My Hero Academia) ☆ [Brutish yet Beautiful]

Spinner (My Hero Academia) ☆ [We Bleed the Same]

Twice (My Hero Academia) ☆ [Sincerely Still You]

Himeko Toga (My Hero Academia) ☆ [To Live and Love Freely]

Kurokawa Izana (Tokyo Revengers) ☆ [Build the Mightiest Kingdom]

Kakucho (Tokyo Revengers) ☆ [Holding Our Precious Things]

Beelzebub (Obey Me/Nightbringer) ☆ [Midnight Snacks Taste Better Together]

Belphegor (Obey Me/Nightbringer) ☆ [Naps and Cuddle Puddles]

Leviathan (Obey Me/Nightbringer) ☆ [Grinding Confidence EXP]

Platonic F/Os:

Sano “Mikey” Manjiro (Tokyo Revengers) 𖤓 [A Dark and Hollow Throne]

Madarame Shion (Tokyo Revengers) 𖤓 [Scary Dog Where]

Inui “Inupi” Seishu (Tokyo Revengers) 𖤓 [Low Battery Puppy Energy]

Kokonoi “Koko” Hajime (Tokyo Revengers) 𖤓 [Very Cash Money]

Lucifer (Obey Me/Nightbringer) 𖤓 [A Challenge for Pride]

Asmodeus (Obey Me/Nightbringer) 𖤓 [Sleepovers and Make-up]

Barbatos (Obey Me/Nightbringer) 𖤓 [Tea and Biscuits]

Simeon (Obey Me) 𖤓 [A Pinch of Sugar]

Luke (Obey Me) 𖤓 [Small But Mighty]

Solomon (Obey Me/Nightbringer) 𖤓 [Kitchen Privileges Revoked]

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wilderlingdev · 2 years

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devlog #04 - setting expectations about interactive fiction (or at least *my* interactive fiction)

hello, everyone! welcome to the fourth devoh for briarheart! last devlog i mentioned i wanted to have the first chapter figured out before february 10th and i'm glad to say i did it! i know everything that must happen in the first chapter - now i just need to, you know, write it.

but being sick threw me for a loop. i still don't feel 100%. i'm pretty sure it wasn't/isn't COVID, but boy is it kicking my ass. that plus losing my job on monday put me on a Mood. i already knew my job wouldn't last long (let's just say the company was a bit of a mess; my whole squad got fired, which was more or less what everyone was expecting) but it still sucks. i'm currently interviewing for new jobs and things are going well, so hopefully my jobless state won't last long (or at all. tomorrow is my last day at old job, tomorrow i've got a second interview for another company, maybe they will hire me *fingers crossed*).

setting expectations about interactive fiction

lastly, i've been seeing some discussion around certain topics in the IF community that have me thinking about briarheart and the story i want to tell with this project. i feel like disclosing a bit about myself is necessary here: i'm a nonbinary person who is in the ace and aro spectrums. i've been writing since i can remember (as in, when i was 10 i spent my time writing terrible tolkien copycat stories) and over the years the lack of representation for aro/ace, nonbinary and latinx (especially brazilian) people bothered me a lot. so my writing eventually shifted to reflect this desire to see more people like me in the stories i loved. this always meant regular novels, not IF games, and those novels (thankfully) never saw the light of day (they were, hm, bad), but their themes also reflected this: they were more about platonic love than romantic love, even (maybe especially) when they included strong romantic subplots. that's just how i work now! after a lifetime suffering through romantic subplots i couldn't see myself in (and i do love some romance, don't get me wrong) i was all about writing the romance that suited me better, the platonic relationships that i found truly fulfilling.

this didn't change when i decided to try my hand at interactive fiction. i mentioned this a few times here on the blog, but briarheart focuses a lot on platonic love and how complex it can be. it's no coincidence that most main characters are on the mc's family - their mother, stepfather, father, siblings. it's also the reason i never used "RO" in the game's intro post to refer to nima, ves and kaisa. they are romantic options, of course, but that's not all they are. they are queerplatonic partner options. they are friendship options. you probably can go all the way to having them be your rival options for all i know. romance was never the focus for their relationship with the mc.

however, i'm not ignorant of the conventions of interactive fiction. i know most people expect even adventure, fantasy and mystery games to focus on romance. that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it does restrict the types of story most people are willing to write. we writers are very much starved for interaction with our readers. i don't think i'm ruffling any feathers when i say that. it's normal. we want to share our things with the world. if we didn't care about people reading/playing it, we wouldn't go out of our way to do our absolute best about sharing it. so if you deviate too much from what is considered expected, you might end up hitting jackpot (turns out a lot of people wanted it, and no one was providing it!) or just fade into obscurity. so it's safer to write more within said conventions.

when i first came up with briarheart, i toyed with a main cast member that would be available only as a qpr or as a friend. i ended up scraping them (they never went past "maybe this bunch of tropes could be a character???") in favor of having three main cast members available as romantic parters, qprs and as friends. safer, less risky. but i think about that almost-character a lot.

convetions/tropes are not bad.

i feel like it's important to say that too. i follow a lot of romance authors and every once in a while someone will turn up talking about, gasp, what if the main pairing didn't up together in a romance book?! and most romance readers and writers roll their eyes. that wouldn't be a romance book, they say, and they are right. you can do a lot of stuff with romance books, go through a bunch of different genres, tones and writing styles, but the happily ever after/happy for now is universal. that's a convention of the genre. and it's a good one.

but conventions can be bad and even harmful. see "there must always be romance" or "romance options must be sexually available to mc at some point, even if it's implied/off-page". people can be real assholes about ace ROs. i don't believe it's bad to not want to romance an ace RO, to be clear, but it really depends on the reasons. an ace RO does not mean a RO that doesn't want to have sex, for example. being ace says absolutely nothing about your sexual life. so going "NOPE" as soon as a RO is revealed to be ace is... interesting, to say the least.

"nope" is a fair response to "john doe is an ace character and is repulsed by sex/does not want to engage in it"- maybe your player character finds sex to be really important in a relationship, maybe it's even part of their arc, etc, etc, etc. everyone has their needs and john doe's need to not be in a relationship that doesn't include sex isn't more important than your mc's need to be in a relationship that includes sex. in real life, assuming no one is a jerk, that would be the moment mc and john doe agree to go their separate ways. maybe they would even remain friends! who knows. but we all know it doesn't work like that in IFs.

(i also think there's something to be said about stepping outside your comfort zone in a - fake! made up! - relationship about - fake! made up!!! - characters. maybe in real life you wouldn't be happy in a relationship with a sex-repulsed character - not even necessarily an ace character! - but this is fiction. it's okay to try out something new).

(saying that, i also believe people should be a bit less entitled. the author of an ace char - who is many, many times ace themselves - doesn't need to hear about how disappointed you are that a character is ace and/or sex-repulsed. be kind, y'all. you don't know many times an ace author got told they'd perfect/worth it if they just had sex/wasn't ace and that shit hurts. we don't need to hear it when we taking the frankly terrifying step of writing about our own identities. you can just realize something is not for you and move on, i promise).

(no, trying to convince an author to make a character not ace and/or not sex-repulsed is not a fair criticism or suggestion. move on, my dudes).

"the romance will be healthy and their ROs will match your player character perfectly" is an implicit rule for interactive fiction, and is mostly a good one, i think. i'm not sure how i would feel if a RO i was particularly invested in turned out to be an asshole without warning. authors are careful to establish which ROs you can romance as soon as humanely possible: maybe they make their gender selectable to fit your mc's sexuality, maybe they say in the intro post/beginning of the game "jane is a lesbian", so you won't try to romance her with a male mc, etc, etc, etc. it's a bit like a contract: the author makes it clear which ROs can be romanced by whom from the get go, so once you are romancing them there is no surprise; they are always a perfect match. that's a way to set expectations.

but what happens in situations like, well, most of the tumblr interactive fiction community? most games are being written as their chapters are released. things can change. the author can change. their ideas, opinions and tastes can change. there is a chance said expectations might end up broken, that the players will be annoyed by it and that general unpleasantness will ensue. but changing things about a WIP is completely and utterly normal. in fact, i'd say it's a healthy thing, an expected thing.

setting expectations for my work

i can't speak for anyone but myself, so this is an expectation i will try to set up for my wips from now on, including briarheart: THINGS WILL CHANGE. maybe a character's personality will change; maybe their sexuality and/or gender will change; maybe their role in the story will change. this is a work in progress, it's my first interactive fiction game and i'm doing what i think is best. most of the time i'm just flailing around hoping stuff will work out. i'm working my ass off to deliver a good story and a good game, don't get me wrong, but this is a WIP and will continue to be a WIP until it is finished (duh).

and also, something important that sometimes people forget: it's a free game. most games here are free or have super long demos that are free. most of the time you are consuming media for free, with authors posting their ko-fi or patreons on the side, but making the whole ass game free. it's important to remember that, too.

now, i don't think people should be assholes to authors of paid games (lol. no. really. don't) but it takes some serious entitlement to be mad about a RO not being exactly how you thought (or even were promised - most games here are wips, remember!) they would be in a free game.

so yeah! things about briarheart will change, probably. a big one is ves, who i've been thinking about more and more as the story develops in my brain. i've decided he's not a cis man at all!! in fact, my first thought was to have him realize that during the story and have it be part of his arc. but well. remember those conventions? so that's another expectation i feel i need to set right now: ves is not cis. he's nonbinary. he just doesn't fully realize it yet.

i think that's all i have to say for now. i haven't even touched on the expectation that authors should tell their nonbinary character's assigned gender, which is, uh, not cool and not something i will ever answer (unless it's something like ves' case - a character who is introduced as cis, thinks they are cis, and realize during the story that they are not).

in summary, briarheart:

is not focused on romantic relationships. it has them and i will do my absolute best to make them as good as they can be, but this is not a story focused on romance.

will change over time. this mean characters, locations, etc, can and will change. this is, above all, a wip. i do promise to do my best to minimize all this alterations so you won't feel like you've come back to a entirely different game every chapter.

has a nonbinary main character who realizes they are nonbinary during the story of the game. it's ves, who, like nima and kaisa, is bisexual and can be romanced by mcs of any gender.

has two main characters who are in the aro & ace spectrums: ves and kaisa. ves is asexual and sex-indifferent. kaisa is demisexual and sex-favorable. i haven't decided on their romantic orientation yet, but it will probably be either grayromantic or demiromantic.

will spend a lot of time on platonic love, especially on familial love (or lack thereof).

that's all i think? sorry for all the rambling but i needed to get this off my chest. i appreciate all interest shown so far for briarheart and will understand if the game turned out to not be what you thought and/or wanted it to be. it's not out yet, of course, but i don't think i did a good enough job of setting expectations in the intro post.

i hope you had a good day and see you guys soon!

(hopefully with the prologue/chapter 1 release!!)

#twine #twine game #interactive fiction #if wip #interactive game #interactive fiction game #briarheart if #briarheart #my ramblings are going out of control lol #devlog

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novaliae · 3 years

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hey mcytblr (and by mcytblr i mean my two followers who like mcyt), let’s talk about aphobia

recently aphobia has been rearing its ugly head on mcyttwt and elsewhere in the fandom. it started with this clip of phil responding to a dono about whether he’s okay with fans headcanoning c!phil and c!techno as a qpr (queerplatonic relationship). transcript of the clip:

dono: are you okay with people portraying you and techno’s characters as qprs? qprs are platonic life partners. it’s an argument in the fandom.

phil, over the last sentence of the dono: i don’t give a shit. i—i just don’t give a shit. it’s headcanons; it’s not real.

(it’s my first time doing transcripts of things so i hope i did it right)

unfortunately, this led to problematic shippers claiming their romantic headcanons or fancontent was actually a qpr. the most blatant include a tweet from a t*chza artist depicting phil and techno kissing with the caption “besties” and replies full of people mocking qprs (ie qrting the art and adding “i love queerplatonic relationships”). the implications, of course, are that people who hc c!phil and c!techno or any other duo in a qpr are just closet problematic shippers, and that qprs don’t exist by extension. and naturally, twitter being twitter, this has spiraled into a whole lot of “aphobia doesn’t exist” and “aces/aros aren’t oppressed” and a bunch of other all-around nastiness/anti-ace sentiment.

let’s unpack this.

first of all, what is aphobia, and what are qprs? if you haven’t heard of it before, aphobia is the discrimination against or invalidation of people on the aromantic or asexual spectrums. people on these spectrums do not experience romantic/physical attraction or may only do so only in certain circumstances. this means that aspec people often do not end up in a “traditional” romantic partnership, especially if they identify as aroace (both aromantic and asexual; aroaces experience little to no sexual and romantic attraction). aspec people will sometimes instead be in a queerplatonic relationship. a queerplatonic partner, or qpp, is most often described as a platonic soulmate/platonic life partner, and is someone with whom you form an intense emotional bond (something beyond traditional friendship) that is inherently nonsexual and nonromantic. the most common dsmp fandom interpretations of queerplatonic relationships are c!beeduo, who are platonically married in canon, and c!emeraldduo, who are the subject of the dono phil received.

ace and aro people are constantly invalidated and forced to justify their ace/aro-ness. we hear all the time that being aspec isn’t really a thing or that we’re confused and don’t know what we actually feel. by implicitly stating that qprs are not legitimate or that they’re romantic relationships in disguise, aphobes a) imply that ace or aro people with queerplatonic partners are actually in a romantic relationship but won’t label it like that because of stubbornness/stupidity/lack of understanding, and b) push the notion that deep and lasting connections cannot exist beyond romantic/sexual partnerships. which. is absolute bullshit and blatant aphobia.

cuddling, holding hands, and kissing on the cheek/forehead (behaviors often part of queerplatonic relationships) are not inherently sexual/romantic. let me say this again for the aphobes in the back. cuddling, holding hands, and kissing on the cheek/forehead are not inherently sexual/romantic behaviors. they are things that sexual/romantic couples may do, but they can also be integral parts of relationships that aren’t based around that sort of thing, like friends and families and yes, queerplatonic partnerships. when fans create art of qpps holding hands or fics where they cuddle and bump foreheads, they are not meant to be interpreted as shipping. i know i’ve said these words so much they’ve stop sounding like actual things, but implying otherwise is amatonormative and is aphobic.

by writing off all queerplatonic partnerships as shipping, or hell, even close platonic ones that aren’t explicitly labeled as queerplatonic, you are erasing a massive facet of the ace community while continuing to conform to an incredibly rigid and liner mindset about what attraction is/isn’t. nothing is more invalidating to an ace or aro person than claiming something they do is sexual/romantic when it clearly isn’t meant to be interpreted that way. we have made it clear that what we feel (or don’t feel), and you are blatantly ignoring that. you are repeating the same old tired stereotype that aspec people do not really exist and we’re only confused or too afraid to confront our “actual sexualities.” stop sexualizing queerplatonic relationships or turning them into something they’re not. qprs are not the next “just gals being pals,” they’re just aspec people trying to exist and sick of having to constantly justify their existence.

i could do a whole other post about exclusionist arguments i saw in some of the tweet’s replies like “aspec people aren’t really oppressed” and “aphobia doesn’t exist,” and maybe i will later on, but this is primarily about the general mockery made of qprs on twitter.

stop belittling ace people. stop mocking qprs. i am sick and tired of the aphobia/amatonormativity in this fandom. let’s be better than this.

please reblog and raise awareness!

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erasermics-secret-love-child · 3 years

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An actual conversation I had with my twin sister like 20 minutes ago

Sister: So, your pan/ace and genderdoe right?

Me: Yupper doodles!

Sister: So, just curiosity, when did you realize you were gay? Like how does one realize they aren’t cishet?

Me: With which one do you want me to start?

Sister: Umm, go from how you realized you were pan, then to ace, then genderdoe, if that’s ok with you.

Me: OK!

Me: Well, probably because I dated a lot of boys but was never really happy in the relationships. But then I saw a lot of my friends dating girls, boys, and people of all genders depending on who they were and thought that maybe I didn’t have to limit myself to just liking boys. Soo when I had that in mind, I looked up a lot of LGBTQ+ terms and saw that pansexual fit me best, because I don’t really care what my significant other’s gender is, I just want a happy relationship ya know?

Sister:...that is so sappy and adorable. Hurry up and continue explaining before I puke.

Me: Ok! So I realized I was ace and genderdoe recently.

Sister: But how?

Me; Well, I used to hear the kids in my classes talking about how it sucked that they were “too young to have sex” and how they just wanted to fuck their boyfriends and girlfriends. They would also like, look at attractive people on the internet and state that they were horny, and I was confused, cause you know, I thought that it shouldn’t be a big deal that they can’t have sex in middle school, and I just didn’t understand how they could look at someone attractive and fantasize about defiling them in that way, ya know? It grossed me out, the way they would talk about all these things, But all my friends were like that, and the conversations seemed normal to everyone, and so I didn’t say anything because I thought it would make me seem weird, especially after that sex-ed talk in 6th grade stating that everyone would eventually have sexual urges strong enough to be unable to ignore, especially at our age. But I didn’t feel like that at all, and so I went to the internet to find out why. Then I came across websites explaining asexuality and the different subtypes? I guess is the word, and I realized I was asexual, sex-repulsed mainly.

Sister: I’m glad! Could you explain genderdoe now? Mom’s coming so you might want to hurry up.

Me: No prob! So I realized it like a few moths ago, before 2021 started. Somedays I would lookin the mirror to like do my makeup or whatever, and I would get really sad to the point where I wanted to cry because I looked “too girly”. Other days, I just felt mildly uncomfortable with my appearance, and other days I was glad about how girly I looked, and there were even days I was upset because I didn’t look “girly enough”. I felt really sad some days too, because I got so upset I would be on autopilot and I never really remembered what happened on those days. All this still happens sometimes too, but at least now I know why, and I don’t feel as upset as before.

Sister: Why didn’t you just cut your hair? It’s long and girly, so is it the problem? Oh! Also, what are your pronouns, and do you want to change your name for the days where you don’t feel feminine? How do I know what pronouns to use every day?

Me: No, my hair isn’t the problem, actually it’s my favorite part about me! It was more how my body looked, how sometimes it looked like it wasn’t the body type that a girl would be born with, and other times it looked too girly, especially my chest, and how I felt wrong and dirty, looking at it and being in it. I only don’t use masculine pronoun, but mainly I use she/her, she/they, they/she, they/them, and it/its, as well as any and all neopronouns. For days where I don’t feel feminine, I suppose I would like to use the name Hyacinth, since it can be seen as androgynous because Hyacinthus was a boy but flowers such as hyacinths are seen as feminine. For how to tell, I haven’t found a way that’s not obvous to our parents as well, soo just ask me, or my clothing is usually a good way to tell, although I much prefer you ask me.

Sister: Cool! So, you researched and found out genderdoe? What is that specifically, and also what’s the difference between aromanticism and asexuality?

Me: Yea, I researched genderdoe! Simply put, genderdoe, which is more commonly known as genderfae and genderthil, is being fluid between genders but never feeling masculine at any times. There’s a word for the opposite too I think, I think it’s called being genderfaun. Also, the difference between aromanticism and asexuality is that aromantic people experience a lack of romantic attraction, which means little to none, and asexual people experience litlle to no sexual attraction, which again could be worded as having a lack of sexual attraction.

Sister: And aromantic people, are they still aromantic if they don’t experience attraction but still want like uddles and kisses and stuff?

Me; Yea, obviously! I mean, kisses and cuddles and other “relationship things” can also be used to express platonic, familial love, or friendship love, can’t they?

Sister: And if aromantic people want those sorts of things from someone outside of their family and friends?

Me: Well... I’m pretty sure that aromantic people can be involved in queerplatonic relationships if they want such things, but I’m not sure, we’ll research it later.

Sister: ... Is that why you like Nico Di Angelo so much? Because he’s gay, and it brought you comfort to know that your feelings were normal?

Me: *laughter* I suppose so, now that I think about it. So, how you feeling about all this, I know it’s a lot.

Sister: Well, I think I might be aromantic, but I’m definietly not sure, and I wanna research more, and all that good stuff. But I’m glad you trusted me enough to come out to me.

Me: Course I trust you, your my twin sister!

Sister: Thanks... I trust you too, whether you are my sister, or my sibling, or any of all that fun stuff. Wait, can I still call you dude and stuff? I know mom says-

Me: Lmao Fa, yes you can still call me dude and stuff! I don’t care what mom says, the terms are so commonly used now I can interpret them as non gender conforming.

Sister: That’s great.

Sister: I just realized that between you being a sex repulsed asexual and me not ever wanting a romantic relationship, that mom’s never gonna have “biological grandchildren” or whatever. She won’t accept any of our possibly adopted children as her family either, which means we’re essentially ending our bloodline.

Me: ... oh my god you’re right.

Me: ... Wanna tell her or just let her suffer with never knowing?

Sister: Between you and me, I say let her suffer, she won’t accept you which means I won’t accept her either.

Me: Thanks but I don’t think it works like that

Sister: Well, know it does!

Long story short, my sister might be aro and accepts me. It was a relief because I came out to her last week and she hasn’t said anything before this regarding whether or not she did so I was terrified.

#asexual #panromantism #pansexual #genderfluid #nonmasc #aromantism #coming out #twin sisters #aromantic #nico di angelo #sibling time #gay ally #iwasscared #butshewasfinewithit #tookitwithstrideandpride #pronouns #sheissokind #iloveher #thebestsister

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catharsis-in-a-bottle · 3 years

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A very long post about romantic attraction, social situations, sexual orientation, etc.

In short, a slightly organized brain dump involving some of my personal experiences and hopefully some takeaways.

There are many things I’ve learned, both in general and about myself, simply by investigating online resources about the acespec and arospec communities.

Some of these were things that I think I already knew internally, but that I had never voiced before because I didn’t have the words or the terms to describe them.

I’ve learned about different types of attraction, and I’ve realized that I can categorize them internally. For example, I’ve definitely mistaken platonic attraction with romantic attraction in the past. The term ‘squish’ - basically a sort of friend crush - can be applied to several of my experiences, and honestly, it really explains my conscious disconnect towards romance. I’ve realized that wanting to get to know someone better does not equate wanting to date them.

I’ve learned about other arospec identities, like greyromantic and demiromantic, and how they might apply to me. I’ve realized that my romantic attraction has essentially been limited to one person, and that otherwise my desires have been platonic - again, wanting to get to know someone better because I find them interesting, or else having a deep admiration/respect for them. None of these things are romantic attraction, and it’s been very relieving to discover this. It makes sense.

I think I’ve always had a weird feeling towards all the societal cues and expectations associated with romance. Why are certain things associated with wanting to form a romantic relationship? As a child, I thought I was a girl and I knew, just from the social code of school life, that becoming friends with boys would be seen as some romantic advance (despite the fact that we were all literally elementary schoolers.) In first grade, everyone thought I had a crush on this kid I was friends with, and I always laughed at them. I was just looking for friends. Friends isn’t a freaking gender-specific term. I think I’ve always kind of tried to “play it cool” with the boys, especially in middle school, simply because I didn’t really want anyone to think “haha, so-and-so is dating so-and-so” just because I had a conversation with another person. And what sucked is that when I thought I might be bi, I kind of consciously did the same thing around girls as well - I tried to be socially adept and “cool” and not too overly open, just because of all of these social codes that indicate romantic intent.

One of these strange codes that confused me was this: “if so-and-so has a crush on you, you should totally date them!” What if I didn’t like so-and-so back? Why the hell would I date them? But something that I witnessed happening quite often in middle school was kids finding out someone ‘liked’ them and then wanting to ‘like’ that person back, despite not having formed attraction in the first place. It felt like a puzzle. It was something that I observed and maybe sort of over-analyzed, because dissecting social situations and laying out pieces of the puzzles on the floor is something I just do. I reckon that kids were not only beginning to experience romantic/sexual attraction individually, but that they were also recognizing the social standards that were beginning to form. The first batch of kids wanted to form relationships (if not long-lasting ones), and so they did; other kids who were experiencing attraction subsequently felt a little bit of pressure to get with someone fast. The complaints of “I’m so sad I don’t have a boyfriend” and similar phrases rang free throughout the hallways. In short, allo- and heteronormativity seems to have influenced a lot of people. Which is fine for many, but also restricting for those in the lgbtq+ community (but of course, the jungle of school life does not intend to cater to the minorities) It was simply a thing that happened, and a thing I’m seeing a bit more clearly now.

[Also, the concept of using the word ‘like’ to describe adolescent romantic interest in another person always confused me. I never got why ‘like’ had romantic intent - I liked people that I’d formed friendships with. No one ever outright said “I have a crush on this person.” They just said like.]

There’s only one occasion on which I’ve known how to react emotionally to someone telling me that he had romantic interest in me, and that’s only because I personally ‘liked’ them back. I had already imagined that situation, and I welcomed it. [Amusingly enough, we both kind of ignored our confessions for a while, but eventually we formed an actual relationship. Ah, the joys of social situations.] But in terms of other people admitting their interest, which hasn’t happened all that much but has still happened, I’ve had very mixed reactions. One time a couple of years ago, it was my friend whom I cared very deeply about. I didn’t really know how she knew that I didn’t have interest in dating her, but somehow she did, and she told me so. This made my reaction less clouded and more simple, and it wasn’t really an uncomfortable situation; I confirmed easily enough that I didn’t have any interest in dating her and the situation resolved nicely. Basically, although it wasn’t an ideal occurrence, it didn’t affect our friendship in any way.

But there have been other times where it’s been extremely uncomfortable. Once, I joined an after-school club in which I barely knew anyone. During one of our meetings, we took a walk to a local coffee shop to just sort of hang out. And this girl - I’ll call her ‘C’ for online purposes - sat down and started talking to me. This was fine - why not have a bit of conversation? She talked about K-pop a lot (which eventually got very annoying lol) and just seemed like she wanted to be my friend, and internally I told myself well, I don’t really know her and she doesn’t seem like the kind of person I want to hang out with but we’re at a coffee shop and I’m bored. At the end of our coffee shop trip, C asked for my phone number. I didn’t take this to mean anything beyond the fact that she wanted to talk to me more, and though I felt inclined to decline her offer, I really didn’t want to hurt her feelings (again, the joys of social situations.) So now she had my phone number. Here’s where things got weird. For one thing, she sent me a bunch of random pictures of K-pop singers, saying things such as “omg he’s so hot” which was already uncomfortable in itself. Me, being a bit of an idiot, didn’t stand up for myself, or even block her number. Then, she came out to me as pansexual and told me she had a crush on me. When she told me this, she did not imply in any way that she didn’t have an intent of dating me or something, so I was very, very uncomfortable for several reasons. Firstly, I didn’t know her that well - I didn’t really even consider her a friend. Secondly, I definitely did not want to date her because I didn’t really know her. And thirdly, I didn’t know how to react. I think I said something along the lines of “Oh, well, um, okay, I don’t have a crush on you” and left it at that. For the final puncher, she started finding me in the hallways after school as she left for the bus and giving me hugs. I am typically not a physically affectionate person, so this was just weird as hell for me. Again, like an idiot, I didn’t stand up for myself, and so I just kind of stood there... all of this took place right before my school shut down because of the pandemic, so I was literally saved by everyone getting kicked out of school. Thankfully, I did not see her anymore, and finally I blocked her number as I should have done much, much earlier. [I didn’t intend to make that story so long, but there it is anyway.]

The point is, I found it extremely strange that someone I barely knew had a crush on me. This feeling was amplified when, a couple months ago, something else happened: someone on Instagram, who I didn’t know at all, expressed interest in dating me. I was extremely confused. Apparently they sort of knew me because we were in the same school system, but I’d still never met them.

I simply mean to say that romantic attraction drives people to lengths that I personally find strange and inconceivable. Looking into the aromantic community has taught me that essentially all of what we deem ‘romance’ is socially constructed. The rules, the implications, the things you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to flirt with the person you ‘like’. You’re supposed to get all nervous around them. You’re supposed to only form a relationship with one person or else you’re considered weird and even perverted. Flirting seems like a ritual, nervousness seems like a prison - why can we not do away with the expectations and simply do what feels comfortable to us individually? I have learned about the term relationship anarchy, which means doing away with and rebelling against all of these expectations. The expectation of monogamy, of ritualistic performances, of a certain type of romance, of what actions are deemed romantic or sexual, of having to have a romantic and/or sexual relationship, etc. I find that relationship anarchy is a very appealing concept. People should have whatever relationships or lack thereof that they wish. Queerplatonic relationships should be normalized. Loveless aromanticism should be understood and not demonized. Polyamorous people should not be alienated. In short, these societal expectations that we’ve established have no purpose beyond defining what a “real relationship” is, and by ensuring that romantically loving one other person is what “makes us human” and deems us “normal” in society. Platonic and familial love should not be put below romantic love, yet we’ve created a hierarchy. Me platonically loving my true friends should not be “less than” me romantically loving my boyfriend. And people who just don’t want any sort of relationships or attachments to other people should be respected, because they are not negatively affecting anyone in any way. Except by hurting the feelings of bigots, and I’d pay anyone to do that any day if I had the money.

Though I love my friends and my boyfriend in different ways, I realize that I have extremely similar criteria for a friend versus a partner. Beyond my general confusion regarding romance as a concept, this is another thing that has led me to believe I am arospec. It’s always been very difficult for me to imagine romantically loving someone who I couldn’t consider a friend - how, then, would my relationship even work? One thing about society’s ideas of romance that I do resonate with is the fact that your partner should be your best friend. [For me personally. I’m not just making a general claim.] It’s hard to see myself dating someone who I hadn’t known before, who I hadn’t befriended, who I hadn’t considered a best friend because we knew each other and had come to form an actual bond. I would be happy spending my life with someone who I considered both a best friend and a romantic partner. I don’t think this is something that is of absolute necessity to me - I could see myself without a romantic partner, which is another major reason I’m beginning to consider myself arospec [maybe greyromantic or demiromantic.] And of course, I have conflated romantic and platonic attraction in the past; upon reflection, I think I’ve only experienced genuine romantic attraction once, which of course also prompts me towards arospec.

Many resources - tumblr accounts dedicated to aspec experiences and questions, online stories, even just bare definitions of terms I didn’t know - have been extremely helpful in not only my understanding of myself, but also of the variety of experiences that lie with others. There is a beautiful array of diversity out there in the ways people think and feel, and it feels as if I have discovered a gold mine. [Hehe - do we place value on gold in the same way we place value on romance?] Simply learning about the multitudes of people out there with so many different experiences has been wonderful.

Upon reflection, I’ve also begun to wonder if I am acespec. Society is at it again - placing inherent value in certain concepts, associating expectations between categories. Specifically, the categories of romance and sexual attraction. In most movies with romantic subplots - which is a shit ton - sex seems to always be attached to the development of a romantic relationship. Here’s the thing - most people don’t think about the Split Attraction Model (SAM), which separates romantic and sexual attraction. It’s either you’re attracted to someone, or you aren’t. But for those who do use the SAM for whatever reason, romantic and sexual attraction are separate terms [though they can of course be intertwined.] I find it strange that romance sort of necessarily leads to sex - why? You don’t need sex to have a healthy relationship - but of course, many people want it and so it happens. And because sexual attraction is often tied to peoples’ romantic partners, sex is just associated with romance. [And also apparently sexual attraction can happen towards random people, which I didn’t know lmao.] The SAM is useful for many [not necessarily all] aspecs, as it creates this differentiation between wanting to date someone and wanting to, well, do the do with them. Through investigating common terms used by aspec people, I also find the terms aesthetic and sensual attraction useful, because I believe I have conflated aesthetic and sensual attraction with sexual attraction. [Also, in the past, for some reason I didn’t really know that sexual orientation referred to people that you literally wanted to have sex with. I thought it was just the people that you ‘liked’.] These specific terms have been quite useful to me personally, as I’ve realized that I really can tell the difference between the types of attraction that I experience. The issue is, I’m just not sure about my sexual attraction - have I actually experienced it, and if so, in what ways? It does get frustrating to question so much, but it’s an interesting exploration all the same.

Am I actually acespec? Maybe not. But even if I’m not, I’ve still learned a lot about acespec people, and again it’s wonderful to read about how many different experiences exist in this world. Looking back on my past has been interesting. Thinking about my present and my future is intriguing. Wondering what I am and where I’ll go is a mixed bag of emotions, but it’s here and I’m stuck with it. I think I’m probably arospec, and that discovery is honestly relieving. It feels like a weight lifted. It clicks into place. I’m just going to keep living and figuring out what the hell my sexual orientation is, and I’ll vibe with it, I guess. The general, whole, main point is: learning about these communities is an enlightening experience, and it has perhaps reshaped part of my view of society. And also, I write too much.

If you read this whole thing, I commend you for making it through my massive overshare. I hope you gained something from it, whether that be entertainment or knowledge or simple resonance with an idea.

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entity9silvergen · 3 years

Text

Mosaic (Disenchantment Fanfiction)

Summary: We are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are. Bean doesn’t think she can love like everyone else but maybe that’s okay.

Fandom: Disenchantment

Word Count: 2K

Characters: Bean

Relationships: Bean/ Mora, Mentioned Bean & Everyone, Mentioned Odval/ Sorcerio, Mentioned Zog/ Oona, Mentioned Zog/ Dagmar

Warnings: Internalized arophobia, first person pov, some self-deprecation, sex mention, drug mention, mention of interspecies relationships in fantasy setting

Other Tags: F/F, Mentioned F/F QPR, Reflection/ Self-Reflection/ Internal Thoughts, No Dialogue, Queerplatonic, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Homosexual Character, Arospec Character, Queer Themes, Unreliable Narrarator, S3E6, Oneshot, AroWriMo 2021

Author’s Note: My friend sent me the line “I am a mosaic of everyone I’ve ever loved” about twenty minutes after I watched “Final Splash.” I’m working on the prompt for Week 2 of AroWriMo rn but I had to drop everything and write a short fic about this. Again, I didn’t really use the prompt but it kind of fits with week 1’s prompt romo/loveless & future.

I’m headcanonnoning Bean as aro or demiro/ greyro. I think in the show it was implied she never experienced romantic attraction prior to meeting Mora because she likes women and I don’t want to erase that in any way but Bean still gives off a big aromantic bisexual homo(queer)platonic vibe.

_____________________

My name is Princess Tiabeanie of Dreamland and I’ve never loved anyone.

I mean, I love my dad and my friends and all that but I’ve never loved loved anyone. Is that weird to say? That makes it sound like I don’t really love my dad and Elfo and Luci and everyone. I probably shouldn’t say that then because I actually love them a lot. They’re my everything.

One time, I was walking down Elf-Ally and this elf was sitting on the side of the road with some chalk. I feel like elves would really like chalk but I’ve never seen any of them use it, not even Arto, except this guy. I’d never seen anything like it before so I asked what he was doing and he said he was making this mosaic to show his love for this other elf he liked. I didn’t really understand it so he explained it to me like this: we are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are.

I still didn’t get it so I just laughed at him and he got kind of upset and threw a piece of chalk at me. It didn’t really hurt but Luci was with me and the elf started throwing stuff at him and you know how Luci gets when he hits his nose so we left. I couldn’t really forget what that elf said though.

You see, a mosaic is a mix of a bunch of little pieces taken from different things that all come together to make one thing. There’s this mosaic at the church and it’s pretty freaking ugly but the mosaic this elf was making was just so beautiful. He used so many colors and he drew all these little pictures and hid these words I didn’t understand in them. I’d expect it to be all crude and gross like those scribbly pictures Derek would draw when he was younger that Oona pretended to love but it all came together so well. It didn’t even look like separate pieces. It was just one.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The influences of countless parts of my life, weaving together into an insanely complex mesh- That felt like me. I always felt like something was broken in me but maybe I’m just a mosaic.

I think my dad made me who I am the most. Even if he wasn’t really present most of my life. Sure, we don’t see eye to eye sometimes but I think we’re better because of that. He made me strong. His actions guided me into becoming the woman I am today. He taught me how to keep fighting. Literally and figuratively. He taught me to keep my head up and he taught me how to stab people. It’s pretty cool. I remember this one time as a kid he took me out to the courtyard, stole this guy’s knife, and taught me how to use it. I think I still have the knife actually. I don’t stab people with it anymore though.

(I hope he’s okay. He hasn’t been the same in awhile.)

My mom… Well, I don’t really love her anymore but I did for a long time. She was… How do I put it? A constant in my life. Even though she wasn’t there. What I felt towards her, it kept me together for a long time. When I had nothing to fall back on, I always had her memory. Until she tried to take over Dreamland, obviously. Now I just say she gave me my love for alcohol and that’s pretty sweet too.

(I still miss her. I bet she’s dead.)

You know those pictures where the guy has an angel and demon on his shoulders telling him what to do? That’s Elfo and Luci, and it’s literal for Luci. And maybe for Elfo? He did go to heaven that one time. It can be kind of annoying to hear them bickering all the time, especially since they almost never want the same thing, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Elfo keeps me safe and Luci pushes me to be more than I am. They make life fun. Fuller. Less lonely.

(I’m scared they might leave someday. I wouldn’t blame them.)

I don’t really like Derek but I still love him. Maybe a little less since he tried to burn me at the stake. Maybe a little more since he chickened out at the last second. And a little less because he still went through with it. And maybe a little more since it was an accident. We have a complicated relationship but he’s still my little brother, as weird as he is. He reminds me of what I have to fight for, if that makes sense. I don’t really see him as the future of Dreamland or anything but he’s still a little kid and I can’t really help but have a soft spot for him. Don’t tell him I said that.

(I wonder if he’ll keep me around when he’s king. I’d be lying if I said I was surprised.)

The same goes for Oona. I never liked her but I think I love her. Especially after she tried to save me from my mom. And since she became an epic pirate. She’s awesome. She’s the mom I always wished I had except she was actually there the whole time and I didn’t realize it. I’m happy with how things turned out though. I don’t regret it. Plus she’s got great taste in drugs. I still steal them sometimes.

(I don’t know if she loves me. Maybe she did once but not anymore.)

I kind of hate Odval and Sorcerio in a weird way where I like them at the same time. They’re not really family but always been there. Like they’re kind of like second dads to me. Second dads whose the sex lives I know way too much about. My gay polyamorous uncles? But they kind of care under all that court properness and tradition nonsense so they’ve kind of wormed their way into my heart. They’ve always made my life difficult but I don’t think I would be myself if I wasn’t challenged so much.

(I think they’d rather have me gone. They don’t hide it every well but I can pretend.)

I’m going to be honest, I was really bummed when Pendergast died. We were kind of the same age and he hung around the castle for most of my life. And my dad trusted him so we actually did stuff together sometimes. A lot of adventures that never really went anywhere. He could be kind of a stick in the mud but he never really minded that I’m a girl and let me tag along on crusades and helped me get better with weapons and stuff. And Pendergast was weirdly loyal to Dreamland, even after Dad forked his eye out. Or was it spooned? I don’t remember. Some kind of eating utensil. I wasn’t there when it happened. But it was nice knowing I could trust him. He could be kind of fun though when he was off-duty. Total lightweight though. He threw up on one of those little guys who carries dad’s cape once.

(I wish I’d known him better. I really miss him but I can’t tell anyone since Dad gets set off by anything that even reminds him of the guy.)

Who else is there? That’s right, Mertz and Turbish. Turbish and Mertz. Two peas in a pod. Plus Mrs. Mertz. Don’t get me wrong, they are idiots. Totally incompentant. It’s a wonder they’re still alive. But they’re sweet. And they try. They’re not good at anything but they try. Sometimes I don’t want to try but they tell me I always can.

(I’m waiting for the day they realize they could have a better life. It’ll be weird not having them around the palace.)

I even kind of like Merkimer. As a pig, not a human. God, he was an awful human but he’s a funny little pig. He lets Luci ride on his back sometimes. Both of them like it way more than either of them will ever admit. It’s cute. I think they’re friends. If they’re not, Elfo and I will start plotting until they are. Or maybe not. A Luci-Merkimer friendship might be too much for Dreamland to handle. They’re kind of a lot, even on their own. Merkimer always kind of had a big head and it only got bigger when he accepted his new life. It’s actually kind of inspiring how happy he is now.

(I don’t want him to change but he already has. It makes me sad sometimes.)

And Bunty. Oh, Bunty. And Stan! The world doesn’t really deserve Bunty. Stan does though. I think they’re the ones who taught me what real love is. Bunty always showed me love as a kid, she was like the second mom I never had but actually did have because Oona was there. But she gave me something neither Oona or Dagmar could. I didn’t really understand it until I saw her and Stan and their family together. I still don’t. They’re really sweet.

(I’d give them everything. I know they just see me as some spoiled princess though.)

I want what those two have. Or what Odval and Sorcerio have. What my dad had with Dagmar or Oona. What Elfo’s had, and Luci’s had, and Derek’s had, and the knights have had. It feels like everyone’s had that kind of deep love at some point except me. I didn’t even realize until I was talking to Mora.

I’ve had the chance to have it. Merkimer, that brother of his I accidentally killed, that one time Pendergast made a pass at me, that Steamland guy… I don’t think any of it really would’ve worked out though. I’ve had a lot of things with guys and there’s been kissing and touching and I’ve always enjoyed it but I think I always knew it would never go anywhere. That it will never go anywhere. And I can’t even blame my dad because it’s all me. It’s always been me. And I’m okay with that? Maybe? I don’t think so but I’m not really good at understanding my feelings. It’s just another thing on the pile of things I won’t work through.

I think I understood what I had with Mora though. It wasn’t… romantic but it felt like it almost was. We just… clicked. It felt right. She was tough and funny and she didn’t hold anything back. She followed her dreams and didn’t let the world get her down. That one night we had together, I felt like we were alone in the world.

Mora gave me the ocean and the stars.

She was beautiful. Maybe that’s what was missing? None of the guys I ever screwed around with were beautiful. Not like Mora was. Not like a woman can be. I really felt like this was it but there was still that disconnect. Like something was there but not quite. Like something was missing. I don’t know what it was.

But then she just left. I had that dream and I just felt so happy. I’d never felt happiness like that. And I never felt pain like the pain I felt when I woke up and the necklace was gone. I definitely would’ve cried if Elfo wasn’t there. I might’ve actually cried a little bit. It’s kind of hard to hear anything when Elfo’s sobbing. Some of those tears might have been mine.

Did I love her? I don’t think so. Not like Elfo loved that boat. It wasn’t romantic. But it was real. It gives me hope. I don’t think I’m capable of the same kind of love everyone else seems capable of and that’s not even a slight at me. It’s just reality. But what I had with Mora, however brief and imagined it was, tells me that’s okay. I don’t need the kind of love everyone else has. Not when I have so many others in my life.

Still, I hope I see her again, even for a second, just to feel that kind of happiness again.

I think that’s what that elf meant when he said we are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are. Mora was beautiful and she didn’t see it but maybe she would if she saw how I looked at her.

Stars and the ocean, I’ll never forget them. They’ll be a part of my mosaic forever.

Other AroWriMo Fics By Me, Posted on Ao3, Posted on FFN

#fanfiction #fanfic #arowrimo #aromantic writing month #week 1 #i am doing another one #oneshot #disenchantment #disenchanted season 3 #disenchanted netflix #disenchanted bean #disenchanted mora #i don't know why the tags are wrong #aromantic #aspec #aromantic allosexual character #queer themes

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robotslenderman · 3 years

Note

Well how about I ask you about your OC/VTMB and OC/VTMNR? What guestures your OC makes that has the canon charcters all a flutter and when did they first realise that they were in love? :D

I was gonna answer this earlier, but then I saw that you showed me where to get Eternal Hearts and ended up on that wild fucking ride.

Anyway, now for something light, fluffy, and much less ridiculous: cuddly vampires!

VTMB: Maximillian Strauss and Madeline Jones

So like they’re not romantically involved but they love each other so I’m answering this anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(Sorry I’m drunk time for a TL;DR before I get to the actual question)

I think their feelings for each other are very complex. Not in an “It’s Complicated^TM” kind of way, in an “it’s indescribable” kind of way.

It feels like they’re not quite romantic, but there’s also shades of romantic love in there? -- not in the sense of budding romantic feelings, of romantic feelings that will grow into stronger romantic feelings. The romance element is minor, and does not feel like it’ll grow stronger. But just in the sense that while they’re not in love with each other, their love for each other isn’t completely platonic.

It’s... really hard to explain. It’s romantic, but not. It’s platonic, but not. It’s something else entirely separate to both of those things. It’s not platonic, it’s not romantic, it’s not familial -- it��s something completely different that I don’t have a word for, and don’t know how to describe.

The easiest way to describe it is that outside of Strauss’s dedication to the Pyramid and the Tremere, outside of Madeline’s dedication to her own morals -- the other person is the most important thing in their life. Their relationship goes beyond all description in the English language.

They love each other. They’re the most important people in each other’s lives. That’s the only way I know how to put it.

And when Madeline was exiled from Los Angeles, despite being over seven hundred years old and having seen many Kindred come and go from his own life who’d been part of his for longer than the ten years she’d been -- Strauss could barely cope with it, and missed her terribly.

(ETA: @ryttu3k suggested “grey queerplatonic”. Honestly, that’s... almost spot on. Grey queerplatonic!)

What Madeline does -- Strauss is absolutely endeared by the fact she calls him “Wizard King.” At first he was indifferent to it, but after a while he started finding it absolutely adorable.

After a stressful night, coming back to the Chantry and hearing an unexpected and delighted “Wizard King! :D” always lifts his mood and makes him smile.

Always.

When he realised he loved her -- I’m just using this to mean love in general, not romantic love, because again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what is their relationship exactly???? I DON’T KNOW

anyway

I think it was after the Vienna Chantry bombing. When Strauss knew something was horribly, horribly wrong, but not what yet, and couldn’t focus on his duties as Prince, and had to focus purely on the Chantry. It meant a lot of waiting for word from other Tremere and reassuring the apprentices and magisters, but he couldn’t focus at Elysium and had to be with his clan.

So as he lacked a Seneschal, that meant he had to leave LA in charge of his Sheriff while he paced the Chantry’s corridors in anxiety.

In other words, a four-year-old Madeline Jones who couldn’t string a coherent sentence together.

It was a desperate move.

It was a desperate time.

After a week he finally realised that leaving a domain in the hands of a Malkavian Fledgling was a terrible idea, and came back to Elysium, fully expecting to have to deal with power grabs and put out fires.

He realised he loved her when he came back and found everything was fine. Well. Mostly fine. The Primogen were pissed BUT compliant, so that was PRACTICALLY “fine” considering what he’d expected.

The Primogen Council and other enemies had tried to take advantage of his absence and distraction and Madeline had smacked every single one of them down.

Sure, she couldn’t exactly tell them off in coherent terms -- but she was more than capable of dragging out their secrets, putting them on display, and reminding them exactly what she was capable of if they kept annoying her. She was more than capable of Dementating people stubborn enough to keep on going. She did not let them cow her, she did not let their stubborn refusal to understand her odd get in the way -- funny, they always understood her perfectly when the seer part of her dragged their secrets into the light -- and she did not let any of them try to boss her around. He’d left her in charge, and in charge she was determined to stay. The worst offenders had been utterly humiliated and made an example of with Dementate, which kept the rest in line. She’d made the Ventrue Primogen take off his pants and do a dance when he’d pushed her and tried to Dominate her in Elysium.

Harsh? Definitely. Necessary? Also yes. She’d warned them, and she only had so many tools at her disposal, and so she followed through on every single threat she’d made.

That was when Strauss realised he loved his adopted childe, and that he was damn proud of her.

And highkey wished he could make her part of the Pyramid -- Malkavian or not. Because if there was anyone outside the clan worthy of it, it was her.

VTMNR: Lettow Kaminsky and Elisa Mulgrew

What Elisa does -- Lettow loves her forehead kisses. Loves them. She kisses him right on his hairline, while cupping his cheeks or running her fingers up the back of his neck into his hair, and it always makes him melt.

She’s also very stubborn. When it’s not against him (for obvious reasons, lol), he loves that, too -- how in their last conversation before he left for the Middle East, she’d refused to leave the hangar until he’d promised he’d come back alive. After having a partner who’d fallen to depression and essentially committed suicide -- he loved having one that was absolutely fucking determined to stay alive, he loved being in love with a fighter.

When he realised he loved her -- maybe not quite “loved”, but definitely “had feelings for.” It was the night they were reunited after he came back from the Middle East, when Dove sent them both on a job that Elisa needed a bodyguard for and he was sitting in the front passenger seat as she drove and tried to entice him to talk about his experiences in the Middle East, so that they wouldn’t be buried, wouldn’t haunt him.

He was somewhat scarred by the Gehenna War and all the nasty shit happening out there because of the overpopulation of Elder kindred, and she’d tried (and failed) to relate to him, only making him feel patronised and belittled instead because she’d compared relatively petty experiences to his traumatic and scarring ones.

He realised he was falling in love with her when she apologised for it, and said “I just wanted to make you feel related to because I don’t want you to be alone right now. You deserve to feel supported. You deserve not to feel alone. You don’t have to be alone. I want to be there for you in any way I can be so that you don’t feel alone.”

After having essentially been abandoned by his previous bondmate, after having battled (and still battling) his complex feelings of abandonment and not-good-enough in regards to Aila -- hearing that?

Yeah.

He might not have fallen like a ton of bricks on the spot, but he knew at that moment that it was going to happen, that it was bound to happen, and its inevitability was something he couldn’t have fought if he wanted to.

As for the moment he realised he actually loved her? I couldn’t tell you; he sort of knew from that moment on it was coming, and he couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment. It happened so gently and so softly that even though he was looking for it, he never saw it. It just was what it was, and one day it felt like it had always been there, and he couldn’t even remember when it snuck in.

#VTM #VTMB #VTMNR #Lettow Kaminsky #Maximillian Strauss #Madeline Jones #Elisa Mulgrew #missn11

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enbyleighlines · 4 years

Text

mushipper713 replied to your post “Hey I’m looking for an 18+ mdzs rp partner to help me survive the...”

Tell me about these ships please X3

Of course!! I will happily gush about my otps until the end of days~

(FYI all of the following pictures are taken from official art from the donghua, manhua, and audio drama.)

#1: Lan Wangji / Wei Wuxian:

Also known as “wangxian”, this ship is the main canonical couple for mo dao zu shi! Lan Wangji is the taller guy in white and blue, whereas Wei Wuxian is the shorter guy in black and red. They are very much an opposites attract sort of couple. Lan Wangji is a strict, law-abiding man, who likes his routines, his studies, and his peace and quiet. Whereas Wei Wuxian is a mischievous prankster with a hero complex that compels him to rush headlong into danger. Surprisingly, although Wei Wuxian was always teasing Lan Wangji when they were teenagers, Lan Wangji developed a crush on his tormentor, and has been hopelessly pining after Wei Wuxian for about eighteen years. Unfortunately, Lan Wangji is REALLY bad with expressing emotions (I personally headcanon Lan Wangji as autistic, because he’s also fairly semi-verbal), so for most of those years Wei Wuxian thought Lan Wangji absolutely hated his guts.

After Wei Wuxian dies and comes back to life (not a spoiler, I promise, this is the premise of the entire story, scene one begins with Wei Wuxian’s resurrection), Lan Wangji just spoils Wei Wuxian like mad because he’s just so glad that he got a second chance to be Wei Wuxian’s friend

They’re honestly one of the cutest fictional couples I’ve come across in a long time. Their ship has everything: childhood friends, enemies to lovers, slow burn, unrequited love, hurt/comfort, etc.

#2: queerplatonic Wei Wuxian / Wen Ning:

So this ship involves Wei Wuxian (from ship #1) with his zombie bff Wen Ning, who is a literal cinnamon roll. Despite being what is known as a “fierce corpse”, Wen Ning is actually a nervous bug who just wants to help others. However, Wen Ning does have a fierce loyalty to Wei Wuxian, who stood up for him once when he was being publicly shamed by his sect. I like the idea of Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian developing a semi-platonic, semi-romantic relationship, so he can continue to third wheel for the rest of his afterlife.

#3.1: Jiang Cheng / Wen Qing:

So this is kind of an odd one! That is to say, it’s not a particularly popular ship. They don’t even really interact, except in the live action, which deviates so much from the original story that it’s really it’s own separate thing. But I personally really like their dynamic! They’ve very similar characters. Jiang Cheng (the purple guy) is temperamental, overly competitive, and extremely hard working. Wen Qing (the girl in red) is similarly headstrong, short tempered, and devoted to her career. Unfortunately, they don’t have a chance to have a happy ending in canon. Sect rivalries get in the way, but that only makes me want it more. I love divergent fics where these two wind up working together. Many of those fics involve a political marriage, to cease war between their sects. And of course that marriage of convenience always turns into real love! Maybe it’s a cliche but I don’t care, it’s so good!

Ship #3.2: Jiang Cheng / Nie Huaisang:

This is a slightly more popular pairing for the ye olde sour grape (Jiang Cheng). This ship pairs Jiang Cheng with resident cowardly lion Nie Huaisang, an effeminate guy with an eye for fine art and a slight flair for the dramatic. The two were friends in school, but have since grown apart. Again, the main appeal of this ship is the whole opposites attract thing. However, I like both chengqing (Jiang Cheng / Wen Qing) and sangcheng (Jiang Cheng / Nie Huaisang), so of course I said “fuck it, Jiang Cheng should date both”.

Jiang Cheng notably has some very strict guidelines when it comes to the ideal woman he wants to marry: “naturally beautiful, graceful and obedient, hard-working and thrifty, coming from a respected family, cultivation [magic] level not too high, personality not too strong, not too talkative, voice not too loud and must treat Jin Ling [his nephew] nicely.” I think it’s neat that half of these could apply to Wen Qing, while the other half could apply to Nie Huaisang: Wen Qing is naturally beautiful, Nie Huaisang is graceful and obedient, Wen Qing is hard-working and thrifty, Nie Huaisang comes from a respected family, and his magic level isn’t too high, Wen Qing’s personality is not too strong, she’s not too talkative, and her voice is not too loud. And finally, I think both of them would treat Jiang Cheng’s nephew nicely.

Also, there’s just something so delectable about the idea of Jiang Cheng having a very effeminate boyfriend and a very masculine girlfriend.

And last, but not least, ship #4: Jin Zixuan / Jiang Yanli:

Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli (ship name: xuanli) are an especially adorable married couple in the story. Jiang Yanli is the elder sister to both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, and while they are both hard-headed and loud, Jiang Yanli is quiet and serene, but with an iron backbone. She stands up for what is right, even when it scares her half to death to do so. She also likes to dote on people. Jin Zixuan is the rich guy she was betrothed to from childhood. She’s loved him since the beginning, but he didn’t always love her. See, Jin Zixuan is a spoiled brat, who is as prideful as a peacock. He thought that any women who showed interest in him was only after his money, so he keeps all women at arm’s length. But surprise! Jiang Yanli liked Jin Zixuan for his personality all along. And once Jin Zixuan realizes that, he grows to love her in turn.

A lot of people will tell you that Jiang Yanli “deserves better”, and while I think that’s true in general, I don’t know if that applies to Jin Zixuan. Despite his inflated ego, he’s actually a pretty good guy. I can’t tell you why without getting into spoilers, but trust me when I say that there’s more to him than meets the eye.

Aaaaaaaand, that’s it! Those are my top four ships for mo dao zu shi!

#mushipper713 #wangxian #chengqing #sangcheng #xuanli

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sweet-royalty · 4 years

Text

Never Been in Love

Summary: Patton is alone at home and is enjoying this time dancing and filling himself with pride (Extremely self-indulgent but at this point all my fanfics are like this and I have no shame at all so yeah xP)

Genre: Songfic (Will Jay, Marina and the Diamonds and Moses Sumney)

Word Count: 3371 words (9 pages)

Pairings (All of them are heavily mentioned but they are not the focus of the story): Queerplatonic LAMP, Romantic Analogince and Romantic Dukeceit

Content: Slight Angst w/ Comfort; Human!AU; Aro!Patton; Closeted Aromantic; Virgil, Roman and Logan are romantically dating and each one of them are Patton’s QPPs; Fluff; Just pure fluff despite many things; Sympathetic Deceit; Sympathetic Remus; Hoh!Deceit; Sign Names mentioned for 2 characters; Hoh experience written by someone who is not hoh (read as “please tell me if I’m doing something wrong”); Non White Sides;

Trigger Warning: Nudity (without sexual content or genitalia description), Snake mention, Amatonormativity (the characther is not actually arophobic, he just doesn’t know Patton is aromantic) (Tell me if I forgot to tag something)

Disclaimer: I couldn’t find a hand sign for “vitiligo” other than actually spelling it to make as Deceit’s sign name so his sign name in this story might not be so good. If you have any other suggestion for his sign name and explain how to sign it I’ll really appreciate it!

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“Don't you want somebody to never let you go? Knowing someone's body better than your own Don't you want a family with a white picket fence? Tell me when's the wedding, the names of all your kids” Will Jay – Never Been in Love

Being alone at home was always one of the best things that could happen for Patton.

Not because he doesn’t like his family but because he enjoys the freedom of being alone. And this time, the house would be all his for the whole day. His parents were taking his brother to see if they could fix his hearing-aid or buy him another one. And after that they would take him for a sleepover at the twins house and go out to celebrate their marriage birthday. It was simply P E R F E C T.

Patton noticed his brother walking in the room and sitting on the sofa in front of him while their parents were going back and forth taking everything they need. He knew what that meant. That’s usually what they do when they want to talk privately. Patton paused his music player and left the cellphone behind.

- Sorry about your hearing aid, D - he signed with a sad face.

The last sign made him sulk

- I adore when you call me like this - he said rolling his eyes when pointing his index and middle finger to the side and touching his heart so Patt would know he was being sarcastic. He giggled.

- Ok, can you teach me the s-n-a-k-e sign again, please?

D made a two with his fingers, pointing to Patton, brought his hand to his chin then lowered it with a zig-zag movement like a snake moving. He repeated the movement but instead of a two he rised his index finger and touched the other ones together forming a “d” with his hand.

He gave him the thumbs up. D’s love for snakes made him really happy for being given this sign.

- Don’t worry about my hearing aid - he showed his broken aid, hand painted as a snake – I’ll paint a new one if we can’t fix it

- What are you doing with this one then?

He shrugged then placed his index and thumb together under his nose and slid it on his upper lip before crossing his fingers. “Mustache” followed by “R”.

The sign he gave to one of the twins.

- Remus asked if I can give it to him if we can’t fix. Maybe he wants to open it? I don’t know

Patton smiled and gave him a malicious face.

- You will be cuddling with your boyfriend!

- Remus is not my boyfriend! - he sulked while grunting.

Patton tried not giggling too loud, since D could still hear something from his right ear.

- Ok, he’s your crush. I hope you’ll have fun

He rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything else to defend himself.

- You’re lucky you don’t have a crush. I’ll make your life a living hell when you do!

Patt snorted.

- Good luck

“… with that” he meant.

“I'm not missing someone that I've never met Maybe a little scared, still I don't care” Will Jay – Never Been in Love

Patton took some of his clothes off having just a baby blue long T-shirt covering his brown-skinned body, feeling the wind from the open window run through him. He spinned around the room and laid down to the sofa, grabbing his phone and scrolling to see if there were any new messages for him.

Roman (7:01 AM): Good morning~ Who is ready for today?

Virgil (7:02 AM): Ro, it’s 7 in the fucking morning

Virgil (7:02 AM): Lemme sleep

Roman (7:02 AM): I’m sorry, lil sunshine

Roman (7:03 AM): But if you actually were sleeping you wouldn’t be answering it!

Virgil (7:05 AM): Ooooor maybe I WAS sleeping but then a stupid bird sound woke me up!

Roman (7:05 AM): Not my fault if you sleep with your phone glued to your face!

Logan (7:05 AM): Can you stop bickering this early in the morning?

Logan (7:05 AM): We’ll be ready when the time comes, Roman. No need to rush.

Roman (7:07 AM): Oh my lovely nerd

Roman (7:07 AM): I meant to ask if you were excited

Roman (7:07 AM): Not if you were literally ready.

Roman (7:08 AM): The movie is only at 7 PM

Virgil (7:08 AM): I’m extremely excited, your highness

Virgil (7:09 AM): Now would you please stop texting here and let me sleep?

Roman (7:09 AM): As you wish, my love <3

Virgil (7:10 AM): -_- <3

Virgil (10:23 AM): Ok, now I’m up

Patton (10:30 AM): Good morning, my dears ^_^ <3

Patton (10:30 AM): Are you going to the movies today?

Virgil (10:33 AM): Sup, Patt

Virgil (10:35 AM): Yeah… I kinda won 3 movie tickets…

Virgil (10:35 AM): We’d call you but the movie isn’t really your type

Virgil (10:36 AM): I’m so sorry, Patt :( I didn’t mean to exclude you or anything…

Patton (10:36 AM): No no! I didn’t feel like this at all, love!

Patton (10:37 AM): Don’t worry! I’m happy that you’re goin out!

Patton (10:37 AM): Send me pictures of you once you meet, I wanna see your pretty faces <3 <3

Virgil (10:38 AM): Are you sure? :/

Roman (10:39 AM): Patt, you’re just as important as any of us. We don’t want to make you feel like a third wheel.

Logan (10:39 AM): Just because you’re not involved with us romantically that doesn’t make our platonic feelings for you less important.

Virgil (10:40 AM): Just tell us if something is bothering you, ok?

Roman (10:40 AM): Yes, if you want we can try to see each other earlier so even if you don’t go to the movie we can at least see each other

Logan (10:40 AM): Yes, we’d gladly do this for you

Patton’s smile got wider. He was being sincere when he said he wasn’t feeling excluded and he knew how genuine that invitation was because they all genuinely loved him as much as he did and in the same way he did.

As strong as everything he could feel.

They were the friends he never wanted to miss, they were the people he could always count for and know they’d do anything to help him just like he’d do anything for them and they didn’t need to be in love with each other for it.

Patton (10:43 AM): You’re amazing, loves <3 But really I’m not feeling like going anywhere today. D went out with our parents and I’ll be alone the whole day, I think I’ll spend this time with myself here at home ^_^ But I appreciate it, really. I love you so much ;u; <3

Roman (10:43 AM): Anything for you, my dear! Enjoy your day!

Virgil (10:43 AM): We love you, ok? We’ll make sure to include you next time.

Virgil (10:43 AM): Promise

Logan (10:44 AM): Tell us if you need something or change your mind

Patton (10:44 AM): I love you too <3 Don’t worry

Patton swiped the chat group off and searched for something to listen while baking some cookies

“I know exactly what I want and who I wanna be. I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy” Marina and the Diamonds - Oh No!

Patton was mouthing the lyrics while scooping the cookie dough. His shoulders wiggling with the song’s catchy rhythm as he felt every beat controlling his body.

Patton didn’t really listen to Marina and the Diamonds so often but Roman successfully made him addicted to this song. Last time he came to sleepover they danced together the whole night and without noticing they were practically lip-synching this song, which was so amazing and powerful that Patton never left this rush go.

He turned the stove on, started the chronometer and just left the music flowing through his body

Patton twirled off the kitchen, the wind following his movements filling his legs with a chilling sensation that would only make his movements more and more powerful.

He was throwing his head back with his eyes closed, shaking it so hard that Patton could feel the curls of his hair touching his cheeks making him smile as bright as the sun.

That’s what he likes the most about being alone. As long as nobody could see he could be as cheerful, loud and expressive as he wants without any judgement. He could manage to make his entire body feel happiness and express it in it’s own way.

He could shake his as weird and as careless he wanted.

His thoughts were cut off by a loud ringing.

- Oops! Almost forgot my cookies!

“Oh yeah I'm tired of falling Oh yeah For someone else's story 'Cause he gets the girl and I get ticket stubs I guess it's time to write my own personal version of love” Will Jay – Version of Love

Patton (6:34 PM): Hey, Dee! Are you already at Remus and Roman’s house?

DD (6:40 PM): Hey there. Yeah, we’re watching the Saw movie for the 4th time this year -_-

Patton (6:40 PM): Wow…

Patton (6:41 PM): Why you never tell him you don’t like this movie?

DD (6:42 PM): No one likes to hear him beaming about the deaths and all the gore stuff.

DD (6:42 PM): And it’s funny to hear him laughing when that woman tries to reach the keys and ends up trapped

Patton (6:44 PM): Awwwww

Patton (6:45 PM): It’s cute that you do that just to see him happy

DD (6:50 PM): -___-

DD (6:51 PM): If you wanna see it this way

DD (6:55 PM): At least the movie don’t make me feel uncomfortable so it’s more bearable

Patton (6:56 PM): Yup

DD (7:00 PM): Hey, Patton

Patton (7:01 PM): Yes?

DD (7:02 PM): I think I’ll try to tell him tonight

Patton (7:05 PM): Tell what?

DD (7:02 PM): Don’t worry, I’m hidden in the bathroom. He’s not seeing our messages.

Patton (7:03 PM): Oh, ok!

Patton (7:04 PM): Well, good luck! ^^ I’m pretty sure things will turn out fine

DD (7:05 PM): I’m not worried about it

Patton (7:05 PM): Pfff

Patton (7:05 PM): Sure ;)

DD (7:06 PM): urgh

DD (7:07 PM): You should tell Roman too

Patton sighed. There we go again.

Patton (7:07 PM): D, I told you before. I’m not in love with Roman…

Patton (7:08 PM): He is my best friend, just like Logan and Virgil.

DD (7:08 PM): Well, I never said you were not in love with them TOO

DD (7:09 PM): Look

DD (7:10 PM): I know talking to mom and dad will be hard

DD (7:11 PM): It is hard for me too

DD (7:11 PM): But you don’t have to talk to them if you don’t want to

DD (7:12 PM): None of us have

DD (7:13 PM): I’ve always hid my relationships very well, and you know that

DD (7:13 PM): I can help you so they won't find anything out too

DD (7:14 PM): Or… Idk, protect you if they react badly about it

DD (7:14 PM): Just know that I’m on your side, ok?

DD (7:14 PM): I’ll never judge you for being who you really are

DD (7:14 PM): And polyamorous relationships usually go great

Patton didn’t know how to answer. It wasn’t the first time they talked about it.

No matter how many times Patton would say he’s not interested in anyone, D would try to say that he’s in love with Roman or one of his boyfriends.

Or act like he will be in love with someone someday.

But Patton highly doubted that and was pretty fine with it

Patton (7:15 PM): I know, D

Patton (7:15 PM): I love you

DD (7:16 PM): I need to go back now, I’ll talk to you tomorrow

Patton (7:16 PM): Good luck!

He never told his brother about being aromantic and all this talk actually makes him less inclined to do so. He knew he means well despite everything, so Patton never felt like yelling or fighting with him for insisting on it.

But at the same time…

He was so DONE.

It was already difficult for him to find out who he really is.

It was already a huge pain to see that the fact that he doesn’t feel OK with the idea of being romantically attached to someone. That this whole thing actually makes him feel sadder, empty and chained just by the simple thought of it because “that’s what everyone needs to feel”.

It was already difficult for him to see how he can explain his relationship with Logan, Virgil and Roman.

Yes, they were made for each other.

No, he never wants them to go away.

Yes, he loves them A LOT.

But his love was not romantic.

His 3 partners were dating each other romantically but they all see Patton as someone just as important in their lives, even if they don’t see him as a boyfriend.

When they found out about Queerplatonic Relationships it was like big realization and a good way to include Patton in their lives that was not just a simply “he’s my best friend”.

And that makes him so happy, special and wanted he didn’t need or wished anything else.

But it was almost like the whole world was revolved in romance and that was the only way for anyone to find happiness. Like not having a romantic partner meant you’d be “alone forever” as if that was the worst thing ever.

Patton was not alone.

Patton was not unhappy.

Patton was not repressing feelings anymore.

Patton was free. Patton was Patton.

And that was everything he needed.

Why wouldn’t anyone get this? Why was everyone so fixated on it? Why-

- No! – Patton murmured before eating one last cookie and getting up from the sofa and turning his TV off – I’m not letting this ruin my day. I’m gonna take a shower.

“Am I vital If my heart is idle? Am I doomed? … If lovelessness is godlessness Will you cast me to the wayside?” Moses Sumney - Doomed

Ok, maybe choosing this album to listen while taking a shower wasn’t a very uplifting choice. Not that his songs are bad. But they were not the type of songs for you to feel good, it’s more like a song to give you a relatable feeling. Something might make you say “yes, that’s what happens to me".

But the shower did gave him some good, since the cold water mixed with Moses’s voice echoing through the walls were relaxing and almost swooning, like meditating. Logan taught him how to fixate his thoughts in one single thing until he could slowly focus on the sensations of his surroundings and Patton particularly enjoyed doing this in the shower.

Patton threw his naked body in the bed and turned to see his own reflection in the mirror close to it.

He stared at his freckles, covering his entire brown body, and smiled as he remembered how Virgil made a small comment about how much he likes it because as a child he used to look at people with freckles and try to form constellations with them and it was like they have a little piece of the sky with them. That was the best “non-intentionally” cute comment he ever made.

He sat on the side of his bed and stared the mirror, giving more attention to his own details. He looked through his whole “galaxy body” passing some of his fingers through them, mentally picturing the whole sky moving around it. He never knew why but sometimes imagining things like this made him feel so good and at least for a second forget about everything else.

- Let’s see this galaxy dance.

He picked up his phone, chose the first song that came with shuffle mode and got up.

“You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable You are not a robot You're lovable, so lovable But you're just troubled” Marina and the Diamonds – I Am Not a Robot

This time he danced slowly and with his eyes closed.

His arms embracing his body and his movements had no shape or choreography.

It was just free and random.

Patton’s hands were running through his arms gently, like a self-cuddle, having this short moment to love himself.

He was moving his shoulders inclined his head behind and instead of just mouthing the lyrics, Patton allowed himself to actually sing.

He definitely was not.

He was a human being.

A lovely human being.

“It's okay to say you've got a weak spot You don't always have to be on top Better to be hated Than loved loved loved for what your not”

Later that night, now completely undercovers and almost ready to sleep, he received a photo from the chat group of Roman, Virgil and Logan in the cafeteria after watching their movie.

The image of the latino man and the black goth kissing each side of the ginger haired nerd made Patton smile fondly.

Patton (11:12 PM): Omg, you all look so adorable <3

Patton (11:12 PM): I’m happy you enjoyed your movie :3

Virgil (11:14 PM): Yeah, it was really cool

Virgil (11:15 PM): Logan and Roman wouldn’t stop geeking around it after the movie, they almost didn’t finished their meal

Roman (11:16 PM): Oh, come on! There were many things to think about after that

Virgil (11:17 PM): I’m not complaining, charming prince. It was cute seeing you theorizing things.

Roman (11:17 PM): UwU

Roman (11:20 PM): But hey! I guess we were not the only one who had a good movie night ¬u¬~

Roman sent a picture of his twin, laying on the living room’s couch, sleeping with his mouth open and his eyes slightly allowing to see his sclera as a short man with a small vitiligo around his left eye was sleeping on him with this arms embracing the rat man. Patton cooed upon the vision of his brother in such a lovely state.

Roman (11:22 PM): @Patton Morales blackmail? >:)

Patton (11:23 PM): Pffff come on, Roman. We both know none of us would do this xD

Roman (11:23 PM): Urgh, yeah you right…

Roman (11:23 PM): Ah to be a poor honest man, who loves his brother too much

Roman (11:23 PM): ú-ù

Virgil (11:25 PM): Say this for yourselves, I have no sympathy for those dirty little sinners

Roman (11:25 PM): omg VIRGIL!

Virgil (11:26 PM): Urrrrrrgh alright alright, I’m the one who’s not allowed to be a jerk. Sorry.

Roman (11:27 PM): I’m afraid some sins shall not be forgiven, sweet pudding… ú-ù

Virgil (11:27 PM): Tsc, fuck you then. I want my Nightmare Before Christmas DVDs back

Patton (11:27 PM): Omg, dears. Not this late at night xD

Virgil (11:28 PM): lol ok, Patt. Don’t worry, I was just kidding

Virgil (11:28 PM): I highly support your brothers

Virgil (11:29 PM): I love you all

Roman (11:29 PM): I love you too, storm cloud <3

Patton finished to curl up on his bed, hugging one of his pillows like a teddy bear and smiled to the phone screen with his lovely partners texts

Patton (11:30 PM): Hey, loves?

Virgil (11:30 PM): Yeah?

Roman (11:31 PM): Yes, Patton?

Patton (11:32 PM): I know this will sound random but… Thank you

Patton (11:32 PM): Thank you for being with me for so long

Patton (11:32 PM): Thank you for accepting and understanding me

Patton (11:33 PM): Thank you for being so kind and so nice and for having me in your lifes

Patton (11:33 PM): Having you as my partners was the best thing that ever happened to me and I don’t know how I’d be able to live without any of you

Patton (11:34 PM): I just have a lot of feelings hehe

Patton (11:34 PM): Anyway… That’s it. I’m going to sleep now but I had to say it.

Patton (11:35 PM): I love you, dears!

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talonsaga-trash · 3 years

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Talon Ships, Ranked by my entirely subjective opinion

This can only end well.

Disclaimer: Ship what you want to ship, I’m not here to judge. This isn’t me trying to find the ‘most pure’ ship. In fact, some of my favored ships are... *checks ships* not that pure. Nor should they be taken seriously. There’s a reason I’m saying *subjective opinion*

GarretxEmber: Points for canon and wholesome, but it has tropes that I don’t like. Such as basing the entire beginning of their relationship, and therefore its foundation on two fabricated identities. However, they do work past this fairly well, and seem pretty good at communication. Overall, I found it as an interruption from the plot and the subplots I preferred, but I didn’t actively hate it. 5/10

RileyxEmber: On one hand: Riley and Ember have the honesty thing down REALLY WELL. Riley is guilty of having a façade near the beginning, but let’s be honest, everyone has a façade with acquaintances. On the other hand: Riley, you have an entire ass underground to look out for, quit endangering it for a pretty girl. 4/10

RileyxGarret: Okay, it’s kinda funny, but why?????? 1/10

RileyxGarretxEmber: Well, that’s certainly one way to end the love triangle earlier. 5/10

RileyxMist: Okay, so here’s the deal. Riley and Mist were two traumatized ex-basilisks carrying way too much guilt over what they’ve done, stuck in an environment where they could die at any time. Riley is grieving through most of Inferno, and Mist just got forcefully booted from her safety net in Talon. So I think this relationship makes a lot of sense. Wartime couples are really common. Do I think this is love? No. Do I think this would last after wartime is over? Also no. But as ships go, I understand it, and the dynamics are pretty sound. Also, Mist being super pissed about falling for Riley was fun. 6/10

MistxDante: Apparently this is a thing. I was not aware of this until someone on the Wiki said they had romantic tension. I... disagree, but when I think about it, two Talon agents with 0 trust in anyone who are both slowly realizing they’re in over their head is something that would be interesting to further develop. However, in that hypothetical dynamic, I don’t see a romantic aspect being strictly necessary, nor do I feel it would add anything to their stories. 4/10

DantexFaith: This is a thing, too, but I knew about it for longer. Uh... I mean both are super dead, but ASSUMING THEY HAD LIVED, amoral assassin x slightly less amoral corporate bastard would cause so many problems for literally EVERYONE, so I like it. 6/10

MistxFaith: I haven’t heard of this but we have MistxDante and DantexFaith so I’m going to finish off the triangle myself. Uh... well, Vipers and Basilisks historically both have trust issues and they’re both low-empathy people in rogue, so I do NOT see it, but also Mist’s lack of loyalty to Talon versus Faith’s ‘I want Lilith to be proud of me’ would certainly be an interesting clash if they got more interactions. 4/10

Team Vegas: Amoral teens making amoral decisions and becoming less and less controllable by Talon. That’s cool. But also, why would you fuck up a perfectly good found family of amoral teenagers by including romance? 3/10

FaithxEmber: Yeah this one isn’t really a fandom-wide thing. It’s more of a ‘I think this is interesting’ thing. Lilith’s perfect student and Lilith’s failed student, Low empathy versus high empathy, it would be a lot of fun if it were explored. However, it would also be very easy to end with bloodshed. As it did in book 2, RIP Faith. Overall, I think it would be fun, but I wouldn’t want it to be canon. 6/10

TristanxGarret: soldier boyfriends is a good and solid ship. First off, their platonic relationship is tested by fire, and they managed to keep it through multiple betrayals of ideals and three near-death experiences. The trust and loyalty is already there, so in my mind, it’s very, VERY easy to build a romantic relationship on that. Also, you get the angst and pining and working through all that betrayal they both felt. 8/10

TristanxRiley: This gets points entirely for comedy’s sake. It would be horrible in canon. I love it. 7/10

WesxRiley: Okay, this is the closest thing I’ve read to a queerplatonic relationship in literature, and my demiromantic ass cannot get enough of it. They’ve known each other for TWELVE YEARS. They raised an underground together. They love each other so much, it’s just a question of platonic versus romantic. 10/10

#The Talon Saga #Talon Saga #ships #Riley | Cobalt #Ember Hill #Garret Xavier Sebastian #Wesley Higgins #Tristan St. Anthony #Dante Hill #Mist Anderson #Faith (Talon Saga)#am I missing any?

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davidthetraveler · 4 years

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David’s Fic-Rec Friday: 2020/03/27

Hey guys. Sorry about last week. With this quarantine in place, I’m having to share the internet with my mother, who has to do all her assistance principal-ing from home now. But we’ve managed to figure out a setup that will let her have the signal strength she needs and will still let me have access.

Of course,that didn’t stop my brother and sister-in-law on insisting we come over for dinner, thus resulting in this getting put out so late tonight, but what can you do?

Anyway, let’s get to this new batch of stories.

Blank - Royality Oneshot by And_There_They_Go_Again (aka @logan-sanders-enthusiast )

To start things off, we’ve got a Royality soulmate AU that starts out angsty but ends on a much brighter note. Everyone knows that at the stroke of midnight on your sixteenth birthday, the first words that your soulmate will say to you appear on your wrist. Roman and Remus are so psyched to receive their words, but only Remus’ appear. Roman’s wrist is left blank. Years later, all the pent up anger and frustration about the pity everyone shows him for not having a soulmate bursts out of him at his college roommate Logan, after which Roman storms out of their dorm in a rage.

But everything changes when he accidentally bumps into another student, causing them to spill their books and papers on the ground. Roman quickly apologizes and starts to gather up their things. But when he returns everything to them, they reply with sign language. Roman starts signing back, but then catches sight of the other boy (Patton)’s wrist, where the apology he just blurted out is written.

This story does mention some darker concepts, including self harm, rampant swearing, and both Remus and Deceit, though the latter is only mentioned and the former is sympathetic. But other than that, it’s all good and absolutely worth your time.

Anything Goes by LetHimBeCaesar (No Tumblr Account)

And now for some pre-relationship Logince. Logan has been taken into the imagination by Roman so as to acquire some dandelion greens for a project. In response, Roman has conjured up an entire field of dandelions, whose seeds are swirling and alighting all around them. One in particular, still intact, lands in Roman’s hair where Logan pulls it out. And at Roman’s prompting he makes a wish. It all might seem so superfluous and pointless, but it is the imagination. And in the imagination, anything goes, including the idea of him and Roman together, which the prince might be wishing for just as much as himself. Soft and simple, and oh so magical.

Two Cute Dorks in Love by PanicAtTheEverywhere (aka @muffin-arts )

Now here we’ve got some soft Moxiety for the soul, though there’s also some background LAMP. Patton can’t seem to find his cat hoodie, and after asking Logan and Roman with little success, he heads off to ask Virgil. But what he finds is Virgil wearing said hoodie and looking more content than Patton’s ever seen him. Happy to oblige with some swapping, Patton pulls on Virgil’s own hoodie, and the share a tender kiss as they express just how much they love each other. Wonderfully sweet, and with the image of some soft boys in comfy sweaters to sweeten the pot, you can’t go wrong with this one.

Professional Spirit Chasers by chemically_imbalanced_romance (aka @soft-stormcloud)

Now this one, I should warn you, does deal with some darker material, and could be problematic for some people, so do be careful and heed the warnings.

Logan and Virgil are an engaged couple who work as Professional Spirit Chasers (title drop). With their new camera man Roman, they’re trying to remove the spirit of a young man named Patton from a recently purchased house who died several years before at his own hands. Virgil, who is a medium, manages to talk him into coming to live with them so he’s not alone anymore. And Patton, under their adoptive care, begins to finally start healing from the pain his life, and death, have caused him.

Obviously this story features a dead major character, references to suicide and depression, some description of injuries, and supernatural elements. But if you can get through all that, then this story is definitely worth a look-see.

The Castle by shnuffeluv (aka @sanderssidesfanfiction)

A short drabble featuring the creativitwins. Remus has just finished building a cardboard castle for Roman, and Roman is delighted at what his regressed brother has made for him, and invites him to join him inside for some classic Disney movies. This story does mention blood, and features both Sympathetic Remus and Age Regression. But is otherwise wonderfully wholesome, as all best brotherly stories are.

Fluffuary 3 - Logince by vicdehart (aka @vicdehart )

Now for some cliche romance, courtesy of our resident Nerd and Prince coupling in another human AU. Roman’s bummed out about the rain preventing them from having their preplanned date outside. But Logan’s not about to let a little weather get his love down, and channels a little cliche romance for some dancing in the rain with his prince. Fluffy and hearfelt in every way you can think of, this thing will rot your teeth out if you don’t die of a sugar high first.

Platonic Ideal by pickledragon (aka @learningthomas)

And here we have a platonic Moxiety human AU for all your familial love needs. Patton comes home from work to his shared place with Virgil. After stewing in his thoughts for a bit, he brings up the subject of adoption with Virgil, who wholeheartedly agrees, reminding him that he is ready and happy to co-parent with him. The author expressly describes their relationship as platonic, but there’s room to interpret it romantically or queerplatonically. Either way, it’s wonderful and heartwarming in all the right ways.

A Lovely Night by The_Fangirl_Sunstorm (aka @the-fangirl-sunstorm )

I am such a sucker for Prinxiety mutual pining get together stories. It’s a wonder they don’t show up more often on these lists. Anyway, Virgil is, rather reluctantly, taking part in this week’s bonding activity with the other light sides. Namely, karaoke in Roman’s room. Virgil gets forced into a duet with Roman, and picks “A Lovely Night” from La La Land, as a clever way to express some of his own unspoken feelings for his duet partner. Afterward, overcome with these emotions, he excuses himself to recover from the overwhelming thoughts of his unrequited feelings, only for Roman to come check on him and reveal those feelings aren’t quite so unrequited. Such a perfect use of a lovely concept.

Tangled In You by MagpieMorality (aka @magpiemorality )

For our last entry, we’re looking at a Logince college AU that hits rather close to home for me (wow, awful lot of Logince stories in this one, eh?) Roman comes back to the dorm shortly after Logan does, and Logan offers to comb through Roman’s long tangled locks to work out the kinks and straighten it out. Which leaves Roman a very soft gay mess in his lap. Simple but oh so wonderfully sweet, this one’s exactly what I wish my partner would do for me. You know, if/when I have long hair again, and if I ever find a partner.

*****

And this week’s Featured Fic Writer is:

Panic_at_the_everywhere (aka @panicattheeverywheremcr)

This German writer has a most excellent talent for writing, and her story Broken, while still in progress, is a wonderful tale deserving of some love and attention. She’s definitely worthy of your time.

*****

Well that’s it for this week. Be sure to give each of these stories and authors some love and affection with some kudos, some comments, and maybe even some bookmarks. And if you’d like to see previous weeks’ recommendations, or learn more about the Fic-Rec Friday Project, you can find all that stuff here on my Fic-Rec Friday Masterpost.

Also, I’m still accepting suggestions for Featured Fic Writers and other stories to recommend. There are no requirements for writers, though it would be preferred that they be lesser known authors.

Finally, if you’d like to be added to my Fic-Rec Friday Tag List, or if you’re on the list and would like to be removed, just let me know and I’ll take care of it.

Stay safe everybody, and happy reading!

General Tag List:

@ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @panicattheeverywheremcr

Fic-Rec Friday Tag List:

@kunnuglegur-tortimandi @max-is-tired @creativity-killed-thekitten

#Self Harm Mention TW #Remus Sanders Mention TW #Deceit Sanders Mention TW #Suicide Mention TW #Blood Mention TW #Supernatural Elements #David's Fic-Rec Friday

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starberry-cupcake · 4 years

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It’s the end of Aro Week and I decided to throw caution to the wind and talk about something that can potentially be a polarizing topic. I’m putting it on read-more not only because of length but also because in 2020 this blog turns 10 years of age and I’ve learned to leave a window open for retreat when it comes to Opinions, so I don’t know how long I’ll dare to have this up.

This is going to be about the aroace experience, fandom, ships, representation, fanservice, amatonormativity, allosexual normativity and transformative fanwork.

So, basically, a minefield, so tread with care.

Since the dawn of fandom time, there has been an aspect of it that is known (nowadays) as transformative. There are studies, dissertations and essays about this, and most if not all agree on the fact that the portion of fandom that is transformative tends to belong to the less represented portion of it in the media they consume.

It’s mostly people whose identities are rarely represented those who tend to transform, making a space in their favorite pieces of media for themselves and others. That has, in tow, created a scene in which authors and content creators are born within fandom and get exposed to these types of content and reproduce them as well.

The cornerstone of transformative fandom, to the point of being one of the main organizational elements in fandom-driven platforms, are ships. And when someone mentions the word “ship”, it most often comes with the added non-said descriptive of “romantic” and “sexual” attached to it.

Now, like I said, a lot of those who are involved in transformative fandom tend to go for less represented types of identities, and heteronormativity tends to be questioned often. Sometimes, it is legitimately for representation purposes, sometimes it’s for objectifying reasons.

On the other hand, in the media-creating sphere, there is a thing known as “baiting”. This word is used when pieces of media hint towards non het relationships that end up not coming to fruition.

This issue has reached paragons of shamelessness with creators using fandom for their own purposes, like making a series win an award, getting renewed or gathering numbers in cons, to then turn against the same portion of fandom by banning transformative fandom from cons, meet and greets and having actors and crew members publicly shame fanfiction or fanart. It became serious shit.

This, in tow, brought another problem. Baiting (and what used to be considered “queer-coding”) started becoming an immediate red flag for people, a warning to whether getting engaged or not with a piece of media.

In the mostly legitimate pitchfork and torches march against baiting, canonically aroace characters were caught in the fire, and queerplatonic relationships suffered the price of not fitting in the amatonormative and allosexual normative space fandom created.

It’s a standard for fandom that one of the most necessary reasons for transformative work, for fanfiction mostly, is to make characters confess the love they never did confess on screen/page and, most often than not, fuck each other senseless as a sort of “necessary guarantee of their bond”. Consummation, if you will.

Statistically speaking, explicit fics tend to be much more popular than non explicit ones and romantic relationships are what move the main search engines of fanfic platforms.

Headcanon-wise, anyone can do what they want. If a character is interpreted one way or another, that’s not for anyone to police.

With aroace characters, though, it’s a bit tricky, because it’s incredibly rare the amount of times a character is explicitly in the spectrum, and any evidence you can gather, which isn’t outright hearing it, is a lack of something.

A lack that fandom interprets in another way.

You can have a character be sexually attracted and romantically attracted to another and have that be enough for an audience to understand their orientation, to an extent, but an aroace character seems to have to explicitly state it because the lack of romance or sex in their narratives will be interpreted by fandom as “incomplete”.

It’s more frequent for fandom to interpret a character who is not in a romantic or sexual relationship as “lacking” it and “fix” it in fic than for it to be headcanoned as aroace.

An adjacent issue happens with this and the old notion of “queer-coding”. Audiences tend to sometimes interpret that lack as the incapacity for a media creator to explicitly state that the character is homosexual.

The unintended consequence of years of coding, baiting and censorship of non het relationships in media was the invisibilization of relationships canonically in the aroace spectrum.

For example, the first reaction to Elsa from Frozen not having a romantic relationship in the movie was that she was an amatonormative and allosexual lesbian rather than somewhere in the aroace spectrum. Not that there aren’t a myriad of overlaying possibilities between the two things, but you get my point.

The lacking, the incompleteness that fandom most often sees in characters is filled in, most often than not, with gay romantic and sexual relationships, as a result of the years of queer-coding in media. You know, the good ol’ “if she doesn’t have a boyfriend, she must be a lesbian” stance. Fandom is, sometimes, like a family dinner with a 60+ year old uncle.

This is a problem because it creates, within fandom, instances of tug of war between two under-represented factions who both deserve the due representation and which sometimes, very often, overlay in the same people, who fall in both spectrums. It creates arguments and fights for one or other character between the two, as if they were mutually exclusive at all times.

I recently came across different levels of discourse and comments on two pieces of media for this reason, in two different sides.

One concerned Mackenzi Lee’s A Lady’s Guide To Petticoats & Piracy, in which the lead is aroace and there is a girl who is romantically attracted to her and there is a hint of a potential qp relationship. After reading it I found in some review spaces opinions that considered the author hadn’t “gone all the way” with it, as if it was “cop out” for a potential lesbian romance, taking into account that the first volume of the series was centered on an mlm relationship, which gave people certain expectations.

The opposite happened in the webcomic Go Get A Roomie, in which a female lead character who seemed to be aroace for years ended up in a romantic and sexual relationship with the protagonist and there isn’t so far much of a descriptive of where her identity lied to begin with, but with some meaningful conversations that seemed to imply the spectrum after having suffered trauma. And this can be perceived as a sort of “deception” and to the problematic notion of aroace-ness as a “treatable phase”.

Both stories are valid. Both roads towards self-discovery are valid. There isn’t an immediate denial of the spectrum for one or other possibility and both narratives are experiences that happen to people, even maybe the same people at different times in their lives.

But the two happen to include female relationships and boy are those underrepresented. Like I said, it isn’t that both things can’t overlay in a myriad of places, Lillian could be a demisexual demiromantic, for all I know, Sim could be homoromantic and asexual, we don’t know the specifics.

It’s likely and valid to have a gut reaction when you think you’re being represented and then you’re not entirely. And that’s understandable. But it’s a pity that we have tugs of war for scraps of representation.

So, on the one hand, with headcanons, we tend to get fandom fights, most often than not between underrepresented identities, because we’re fighting for the little there is, when in reality we should be uplifting each other...but anyway, moving on.

That’s all in the realm of interpretation, up until the moment the author makes the characters explicitly make choices and take action. That’s someone having a headcanon because of things the piece of media was doing and then having it proven right or wrong, or never having it proved at all.

The other thing, where it gets nasty, is when fandom “fixes” canonically aroace characters. This is also incredibly frequent, most often than not with mlm ships, or what fandom considers mlm ships.

One of the nastiest last year was the Good Omens debacle.

Neil stated that Aziraphale and Crowley weren’t “homosexual men” because they weren’t “men” and they weren’t sexual beings (the whole “making an effort” thing that explicit fic writers like to latch onto). Neil also said they love each other, however that wants to be interpreted, opening it up enough for it to be platonic or romantic or anything you want.

Fic writers have written more GO fics in the last year than ever probably, because of the show, and they’ve experimented with a lot of places of the spectrum. I’m not here to judge anyone because a GO fic was my favorite ace explicit fic I’ve read, so interpretations can be fascinating, I’m all here for them.

The problem arose when people (mostly cis het women) on social media (mostly twitter) started calling Neil a homophobe for not making them pretty much fuck on screen or explicitly state that they were fucking offscreen in canon.

That’s where we need to draw a line and reevaluate our life choices.

I can’t count the amount of posts, tweets and reactions I saw rejecting the possibility of Aziraphale and Crowley not being a) cis men and b) allosexual. The two things created a gutted reaction, to the point that you have to consider the nature and intended result of those comments and, in that case, who’s being an intolerant asshole.

There was a point in time in which fake woke rep discourse became the excuse for people to demand fanservice from creators, especially in the cis het women + mlm media overlay, and this is a problem. We need to separate the discourses, we need to figure out why we’re here and what we’re demanding.

Another similar example I saw recently, yet less overwhelming, was with Banana Fish and the queerplatonic relationship between Ash and Eiji in canon.

I came into BF later than most, but when I read the epilogue manga I found one of the earliest descriptions of a qp relationship I’ve seen, and there were a lot of interesting comments made by the author and other people interviewing her about why sex was never a part of their dynamic and how the bond they had was more of soulmates than romantic lovers and why it was meaningful all the same.

Still, even if the author doesn’t, Banana Fish is considered among the key “BL” animated series of the last few years, alongside stuff like Doukyuusei, Yuri On Ice, Given, etc. And fandom likes to “fix” that “lack of” situation often, apparently.

This case isn’t as feral as GO but it is, however, deceptive. Coming into BF I never would have guessed their relationship was to be qp because fandom let me believe it wasn’t.

And, in this case, the author explicitly stated that this was her intention, this was the story she wanted to tell, it wasn’t her adjusting to censorship or having to code her characters, it was, at heart, what we now can consider a qp relationship.

And, in all of these cases, in which there are aroace characters or relationships involved, or at least somewhere in the aro spectrum or the ace spectrum or both, there’s one main issue behind it: the lack of belief that relationships that aren’t romantic and sexual can be crucial.

That they can be storytelling worthy.

In media-creating and in fanwork-creating, it seems to be the norm to have an endgame romance, or at least for romance to be a key part of your content. It’s the expected box to tick for a fulfilling story, it seems, and the lack of it is the “problem” fandom likes to “fix” the most.

This is also mirrored in the platforms we use. There is a lack of possibility to tag qp relationships as something separated in ao3: the / is for romantic/sexual relationships and the & is for all-encompassing platonic relationships (described by the guidelines as family, teammates, friends, etc.). In order to write a qp relationship you have to tag it & as per guidelines but you have to add another descriptor because you’re not writing family or teammates, and in the case of fandom-polarizing ships, it can be a problem.

And all of this influences us as creators, to the point that it’s easier to write something we’ve never experienced, like romantic attraction, than it is to write without it, because we’ve heard the romantic stories all the time, we’ve grown up reading them, and we’ve learned that no kudos will come to your fic if you don’t have them in there, because it’s that / what’s gonna move the search engines towards your stuff.

Maybe, hopefully, with time and more media around us, we’ll learn different ways of exploring transformative fanwork. Maybe while knowing ourselves and others, we’ll start believing that a lack of romantic relationships doesn’t necessarily mean someone was “too much of a coward to not make these two explicitly x or y”.

Maybe we’ll learn to coexist because, after all, some of these things coexist within our own spectrums sometimes, and it’d be nice to see the capacity for us to not fight for the scraps of rep that media throws at us but be able to understand each other and ourselves enough to create the media that we need.

#long post when expanded #Opinions #aro awareness week #i'm not gonna tag the examples I'm already risking to much by mentioning them in the post #i don't know how long this will be up tbqh

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