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daryl-dixon-daydreams · 3 years

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Words: 7,362 Pairing: Teenage!Daryl Dixon x Teenage!Reader Reader pronouns: she/her Era: mainly pre-outbreak Warnings: Language, mentions of abuse, violence A/N: Angsty and fluffy and angsty and fluffy! AGH! Summary: Daryl and Y/N are close growing up. Y/N knows about his bad home life and worries when Daryl doesn't show up at school one day.

Your name: submit What is this?

You were kicking a rock down the road, humming some stupid song you’d heard on the radio, when there was a familiar voice from behind you.

“Hey.”

You turned and grinned, knowing immediately who it was before you even saw him. “Daryl,” you said warmly. “Hey.”

He had his hands shrugged into the pockets of his secondhand black jeans. “What’re ya doin’?”

You laughed and shrugged. “I dunno. Wasting time. Kicking rocks.” You tucked your hair behind your ear and took him in. You could tell immediately that something was bothering him. “You okay?”

How did you always know? Even when he was trying his hardest to hide it, you always knew. “Yeah, just—” he chewed his bottom lip in that anxious habit he had. “Water got shut off again. My old man didn’t pay the bill.”

Your expression turned a bit sad and you nodded. It was mid-summer and the Georgia heat and humidity was suffocating. They never had air conditioning at the Dixon house, but no A/C and no water was a big problem. “Come on,” you said, tilting your head in the direction of your house down the street. “You want to come hang at my house for a while?”

Daryl considered your bright and open expression and then nodded. “Thanks.”

You nodded. “Of course. C’mon. My momma is workin’ the night shift so she won’t be home until God-only-knows-when. Ya can stay as long as ya like,” you said. Daryl fell into stride beside you.

“Thanks,” he said again.

“Sure.” You nudged him with your shoulder playfully. “Ya want me to help you with the Algebra homework?”

He rolled his eyes at you. “No.”

“Oh, come on, Daryl. You’re way smarter than you think. If you’d just try—”

“Why? Ain’t like I’m gonna go off to some big fancy college like you,” he said, kicking a rock along. It skipped on the gravel and stopped in front of you.

“Ya could. If ya wanted to,” you said, hitting the rock again with the toe of your boot. It went skipping along the road in front of you again.

“How the hell would I pay for that?”

You gave him a sympathetic look. “There’s financial aid. Scholarships.”

He scoffed. “Ain’t no college givin’ me a scholarship the way my grades are.”

“That’s why I said try,” you replied gently.

“Nah. Ain’t happenin’.”

You always felt so sad when Daryl talked about his future as an inevitable dead end. You knew he wanted to get away from his drunk asshole of a father and you also knew that he had plenty of reasons why he couldn’t focus on his schoolwork. Hard to focus on class when you’re wondering when your next meal or beating is coming… But you saw so much brilliance in him that he refused to see in himself. You decided to drop the subject for now and simply glanced over at him. His blue eyes met yours and you gave him a small smile. “Ya hungry?” you asked, kicking the rock down the road again.

He avoided your eyes again but nodded. “Always. That even a question?” he drawled.

You turned onto the driveway of your house and soon climbed the steps, pulling open the front door and nudging your head toward the cool interior. “We’ve got chicken pot-pie in the fridge,” you said. “Ya can have the rest of it. I swear, it’s the only thing my mom has been buyin’ lately.”

A short time later, you were flopped down watching TV while Daryl sat on the floor, his back leaned up against the front of the couch. His empty dish was sitting on the coffee table and you jumped up and grabbed it as a commercial came on. “Ya want some more?”

He looked up at you and one corner of his mouth twitched upwards. “Nah. I think three helpings was enough,” he said, pushing his dirty hair out of his face. “Thanks…” he said, a little more bashfully.

You nodded. “Sure.” Daryl climbed to his feet and followed you into the kitchen. He watched you set his dishes in the sink and then fill up two glasses with ice water, putting one down in front of him. He felt your eyes on his face and glanced up to meet them. “You wanna clean up while you’re here?” you asked.

He shook his head and glanced back down at the glass in his hands. “Nah. S’alright.”

You prodded him gently. “Ya sure? It’s not a big deal. I can wash your clothes and you can shower. I was gonna do some laundry anyway. Probably have somethin’ you can wear til they’re dry. Promise it ain’t a sundress,” you joked. You glanced at the clock. “We’ve got some time to kill before tonight’s terrible monster movie comes on anyway,” you said brightly. That was your thing; watching old monster movies from the ‘50s and ‘60s. You weren’t even sure how it had started, but it was just what you did together.

Daryl chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. He hazarded a glance back up at you. He was always so grateful for how you saw him, looked at him. Your expression never suggested anything other than open acceptance and genuine care. Finally, he nudged his nose up at you. “Alright. You win,” he said, downing the rest of his ice water quickly. “Let’s go pick out my sundress,” he said, eliciting a laugh from you.

Daryl followed you upstairs and you grabbed a clean towel for him out of the linen closet. “Hang on a sec. I’m sure there’s something in Brody’s room you can wear.” Your older brother was away at college. You returned a moment later with some clean clothes and thrust them at him. “You know where the bathroom is. Since I will puke if I eat any more pot-pie again this week, I’m gonna make popcorn. Just put your dirty clothes outside the bathroom door and I’ll throw ‘em in the wash.” You turned to head back downstairs and Daryl found himself watching you go until you disappeared.

“Hey, don’t watch the movie without me!” he called after you.

“Well then hurry up!” you called back up. Daryl smiled.

_ _ _ _ _ _

A short while later, you and Daryl were side by side on the couch. His clothes were tumbling in the dryer and now that he was clean, he realized just how dirty he had felt before. You were both munching on some popcorn from a huge bowl sitting between the two of you on the couch. Daryl always teased you about how much you made at once.

“Christ, are ya eatin’ this for your next four meals?”

You would pull a face at him. “No. Just for dinner. And knock it off or you don’t get any.”

Your eyes were glued to the screen as you watched the damsel in distress on screen run from some deep woods swamp creature, your knees pulled onto the couch and bent underneath you to the side. “I don’t understand this—if somethin’ is chasin’ you why would you run in a straight line, completely visible!? At least take a turn every now and again! I mean, look at all that thick brush she could disappear into!”

Daryl let out a small laugh. “That’s what your problem is? There’s a 9 foot tall, muck-man chasin’ her and that’s what ya take issue with?” he drawled.

You turned and gave him a manufactured look of annoyance and chucked a handful of popcorn at him, eliciting a gruff laugh. “You know what I mean!” you said. You heard the washer stop spinning and went to change the laundry over into the dryer, chucking one more handful of popcorn at Daryl as you got up.

“Hey!” He brushed the popped kernels off his shirt. “Ya know I’m gonna retaliate eventually and it’s gonna be much worse!” he yelled after you.

You laughed as you started the dryer. “Oh, I’m real scared! What’re you gonna do, Dixon?” You appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame with your arms crossed over your chest and not looking the least bit intimidated.

“I’ll think of somethin’,” he said. “C’mon. Movie’s back on.”

You rushed back to the couch and moved the popcorn bowl onto the coffee table, sinking down in the empty space now beside Daryl.

He couldn’t stop glancing over at you and he felt suddenly fidgety, chewing on his bottom lip and practically having to sit on his hands to keep them still. Luckily, you didn’t seem to noticed, and it wasn’t too much longer before you laid down on the throw pillow at the other end of the couch, curled up with your eyes still on the screen. And not much longer after that before Daryl noticed you were asleep. The first movie was over, and some old rerun of The Blob was no playing.

Daryl noticed goosebumps on your arms and wondered if you were cold from the A/C vent blowing overhead, just in your t-shirt and shorts. He grabbed a quilt from the chair nearby and tried to cover you up without waking you.

But you stirred as soon as you felt the fabric on your arm and sat partially up, blinking awake and meeting his blue eyes, which seemed care-free for once and brighter than expected in the dim light from the television screen. “Sorry,” he said softly. “Was tryin’ not to wake ya up.”

You sat up all the way, clutching the quilt over your lap and looked up at him. “Thanks. What time is it?” Daryl glanced over at the time on the VCR.

“S’late. I should go… Let ya get some sleep,” he said.

“Oh, your clothes,” you said, climbing to your feet. You went to the laundry room and grabbed his freshly cleaned clothes from the dryer. “Go ahead and get changed and just leave those in the bathroom.”

While Daryl was changing, you went to the kitchen and filled up a water bottle with ice and cold water from the tap. He came out, looking much more like himself now that he was out of your brother’s old shorts and t-shirt. “Here,” you said, pushing the water bottle toward him. “In case you get thirsty on the walk home,” you said giving him a small smile.

He gave you a long look and seemed like he was on the edge of saying something, but he couldn’t get the words out and simply nudged his nose up in a nod at you. You always thought of the littlest things to make his life less shitty and did them for him without hesitation. “Thanks,” he said, grabbing the bottle. “I’ll give it back to ya tomorrow.”

He started toward the front door and you followed to walk him out.

He turned on the entryway rug, his hand on the handle. “Hey, tell your mom ‘thanks for the food’ when you see her in the mornin’, okay?”

You nodded. “Sure thing. You walkin’ tomorrow?” You already knew the answer. He always made the half hour walk to school, and you did it together most days.

“Duh,” he said, one corner of his mouth flicking up. “Ya comin’?”

“Duh,” you returned with a wide smile. Daryl felt his heart jump.

“Alright. See ya then. Thanks. Night.” He pushed out onto the porch and you caught the screen door as he ran down the steps.

“G’night,” you called after him. He turned and waved one last time over his shoulder and then he was gone into the still darkness outside. The cicadas seemed to grow louder as you stood there, and it was a fitting soundtrack to the immediate rise in your anxiety after Daryl disappeared. They seemed to grow so loud they were almost defeaning. You always worried about him when he went home. There was no way to know whether his dad would be passed out drunk or waiting up angry. You knew sometimes Daryl would just wait outside in the dark until he could either sneak in through a window or until he was sure his father was asleep or too drunk to move. Your heart ached. You wished more than anything that you could just fix it. He deserved so much better… You were always amazed that his heart still was so good considering all the bullshit he had been through, losing his mother and their home, his brother running off, and all the shit he was still going through. Sure, he could be angry and moody at times, but who wasn’t at your age?

Finally you sighed and closed up the house, heading upstairs to try and catch some sleep before school the next day.

_ _ _ _ _ _

You were finishing packing lunch when your mom came down, still in her scrubs from the hospital. “Morning, mom,” you said. She came over and gave you a hug and left a kiss in your hair. “How was the shift?” you asked, grabbing a banana off the counter.

“Oh, just the usual. Nothing exciting. Lots of old people.” She was a nurse and always worked the night shift. She yawned and grabbed a mug and put on the tea kettle. “I’m exhausted. Mr. Jones came in again needing to be back on oxygen. Pneumonia again.”

“Oh, no…” you said, glancing at her. “Did he throw things again this time?”

She let out a wry laugh. “Of course he did! Nearly took my head off with a damn bed pan.”

“Seriously?! I hope it was empty!” you exclaimed, and you both dissolved into laughter.

“Luckily, it was. Or I would not be in such a good mood this morning… What’d you get up to yesterday? How was school?”

“School was fine. Daryl came over for a while. We watched some terrible Swamp Thing movie of course,” you said.

Your mom laughed and opened the box of tea and grabbed a tea bag. “You two. I do not understand your obsession with those monster movies from my generation,” she said.

“I dunno. They’re funny. Anyway… I gotta go. Gonna meet Daryl to walk to school.” You kissed her cheek and grabbed your things. “Love you! Get some sleep!”

You rushed to the spot where you and Daryl usually met up to walk to school, but were surprised to see that he wasn’t there. He was always there waiting before you. You dropped your bookbag, checking inside to make sure you had grabbed your lunch and the second one you always packed for him… And then you waited. And you waited. And waited… But there was no sign of him. And now you were worried. Maybe he’d gone ahead for some reason? He had never done that before. But soon you knew that if you didn’t leave, you’d be late for class, so you hastily scribbled a quick note on a sheet of notebook paper and left it under a rock at your meeting spot before heading to school.

You looked for him as you made your way through the halls to your locker, but you didn’t see his familiar silhouette anywhere. And he wasn’t in any of the classes you usually had together. At lunch you couldn’t focus on any of your friends’ conversations because you were so busy worrying about where the hell he was…

Over the course of the day, you felt sicker and sicker. You made sure to grab materials for him in all the classes you had together so he could get caught up on what he missed, and by the time the final bell rang you were determined to see him and make sure he was okay. You hastily waved goodbye to your friends and started the walk home, but instead of going straight there, you paused at the meeting spot where you usually met Daryl and saw that the note you had left that morning was still sitting underneath the rock. You collected it and shoved it hastily into your pocket. You stared up the dirt road that led into the woods and to the Dixon house. You took a deep breath in and tried to hold onto your courage as you turned up the path.

It was strange how the trees seemed to insulate from sounds of the outside, but amplify everything taking place inside the woods. You startled when a crow let out a raspy caw and took off nearby, the beating of its wings so loud in your ears that you could hear the hurried rush of the air through its feathers. Your heart was hammering in your chest as you came at last to the muddy driveway that led up to the dilapidated little trailer house. The ‘No Trespassing’ sign burned red in your peripheral vision as you carefully picked your way between the puddles and deep mud, trying not to sink your shoes into it up to your ankles.

You gulped and hesitated at the front step, but you forced in a breath and knocked.

Your heart was racing and you could feel your pulse in your fingers and toes as heavy bootsteps and cursing sounded from inside the house. The inside door was yanked open and an imposing man stood there, separated from you only by the thin screen door.

He glared at you, his lips almost curling into a sneer immediately. “Didn’t you see the goddamn sign?! Get the hell outta here! I don’t want whatever the fuck you’re selling!” he growled. He was tall and lean, but looked powerful and you gulped, suddenly thinking that maybe this wasn’t a great plan…

“I’m—” you had to clear your throat. Your voice came out quiet and somewhat strangled the first time. “I’m not selling anything, sir. I’m—I’m a friend of your son. Is he here?”

Mr. Dixon let out a scoff and never quit staring at you like he could snap at any second and come rushing through that screen door. “My boy ain’t got no friends. He’s too damn worthless. You got the wrong house,” he said, turning to slam the door already.

You weren’t sure where you got the courage from but you quickly shouted to stop him. “I don’t have the wrong house, Mr. Dixon! I’m—I’m a friend of Daryl’s. Please. Is he here? I just have some, um, school work for him…”

He stared at you again for a long moment, his eyes narrowing. They were sharp. “He ain’t here.” You were sweating with nerves under his gaze. “You goddamn women are only good for one thing, and I know he ain’t man enough to be getting any tail, so I don’t care why you say you’re here, but it ain’t no good reason. Now get the fuck off my property!”

You felt your face burn, some combination of anger, humiliation, and shock at being talked to that way by a grown man. You decided to try one last time. “Are you sure he’s not—”

Daryl’s father kicked the screen door hard and it flew open violently. You jumped back and let out a small scream of surprise and fear. He stepped out onto the stairs, his hands clenched into fists, and you could see that he was wavering a little on his feet, drunk, but also shaking with rage. “I got a goddamn shotgun sitting right inside here and I won’t be waitin’ much longer to use it unless you get the hell outta here right now!”

You quickly turned tail and ran, not caring at all that you were sloshing through muddy puddles up to your shins on your way back onto the dirt road and away from the house. You ran all the way back to the spot where you and Daryl usually met up before collapsing onto the grass. You shut your eyes and pressed your hands over your face for a moment. “Shit… shit.” It suddenly occurred to you that maybe going there had been entirely the wrong move. What if going to his house and asking about him got him in trouble? What if you had just endangered him more than he already had been? You felt tears burning in your eyes and blinked them away, popping back up onto your feet, which were squishing in your mud-soaked socks and shoes, and you trudged the rest of the way home.

It had felt like the longest evening of your life. You’d drifted around your house, hoping Daryl would come bounding up the porch steps at any moment, ready with some sarcastic comment or that quick twitch of a smile. But he didn’t. You knew your mom usually took a break around 8 pm, and you called the hospital, needing to hear her voice.

“Hi, honey. Is everything okay?”

You anxiously bounced your knee, feeling like you were about to cry again.

“…honey? Are you okay?” Now there was worry in your mom’s voice too.

“I’m—I’m okay. It’s just—Daryl wasn’t at school today… We had planned to walk together and he never showed up, and then—he wasn’t in any of our classes…” you trailed off. Your mom knew Daryl’s home life was bad, but you’d never told her how bad. Daryl had made it clear plenty of times that he didn’t want you telling anyone—not your mom, not the school counselors, not his teachers, not the cops, no one.

There was a pause on the other end of the line. You twirled the phone cord anxiously around your finger, winding and unwinding. “Well, maybe he was just sick today,” your mom offered.

“Mom, Daryl doesn’t get sick.” You chewed your bottom lip. “When Daryl gets ‘sick’ it’s because—because stuff at home has gone really wrong.”

Her silence on the other end of the line was heavy until she finally sighed. “I wondered. I mean, I’m a nurse for Pete’s sake. It’s not like I didn’t see the signs. Oh, honey… and how could anyone ever lay a hand on that boy? He’s got a heart of gold.” Her voice was low and sad.

“I know… What—what do we do?”

“I suppose, unfortunately, we just have to wait and see if he’s back tomorrow. It’s only one day… If he’s not at school tomorrow, you tell me and I will deal with it,” she said. “Try not to worry yourself too much, hun. I’m sure he’s fine.” But her tone was half-hearted and you were unconvinced. Your stomach twisted as you thought about more endless hours of waiting ahead. “I gotta get back to work, sugar. Are you okay?”

��Yeah. Yeah, Mom. I’m fine. I’ll see you in the morning. Have a good night at work.”

“Love you,” she cooed.

“Love you too,” you said. You hung up and your house had never felt emptier.

_ _ _ _ _ _

You were lying in bed staring up at the ceiling, knowing sleep wasn’t going to come, when you thought you heard something on your window. Your first thought was that a cicada or other insect had flown into the window. It was a small plink sound against the glass. But when it happened again, you shot upright in bed. And then it came again. You rushed over to the light switch and flipped it on and then went to the window and pulled back the curtains.

You could barely see a familiar silhouette by the dim glow of the porch light. You hastily pushed the window open. “Daryl?”

“Hey.”

“Just—just hang on! I’ll come let you in!” You raced downstairs and clicked on the hall light, unlocking and throwing the front door wide open. He was standing on the steps and you could see that one of his eyes was almost swollen shut and was surrounded by angry bruising. “Oh my God.” You felt all the air leave your lungs in a rush. “Daryl…” you stepped back to let him in.

He strode in past you, ducking his head a bit. “Yeah. He’s usually pretty careful about hiding ‘em. Guess his hand slipped on that one…”

You closed the front door and locked it again, turning to take him in. Daryl watched your eyebrows knit together and form a deep worry line in your forehead. The next second you had thrown your arms around him in a hug, squeezing your eyes shut tightly. “I was so worried about you!”

You heard him let out a strained exhale, a wince really, even as his hands landed on your back and he hugged you back. You pulled back suddenly and Daryl’s hands slipped onto the bare skin of your upper arms. “You’re hurt worse?” you asked him, looking up into his bruised face.

His hands dropped from you and you both lamented the break in contact. Daryl ducked his head again. “M’fine. What the hell were you thinkin’ comin’ to my damn house? Are ya crazy?” But you could see that he was almost smiling as he said it.

“I was thinking that I needed to know you were okay,” you said, turning and leading the way into the kitchen, flicking the light on as you went. “You heard that?”

“Mhm,” he hummed, nodding. “I was—I couldn’t get to ya.”

You nodded, your expression sad and overwhelmed with worry. “Your dad is…”

“A bastard,” he said, sinking down onto one of the chairs at the table. “Ya. I know. M’sorry ya had to go through that.”

You looked at him with consternation. “Are you kidding? You’re apologizing to me? Daryl…” You went to the freezer and grabbed out a bag of frozen vegetables and wrapped it in a clean dish towel. “Here. Put this on your face,” you said.

Daryl mumbled a thank you and pressed the makeshift cold pack over his eye. He was wearing a black t-shirt and as you stood beside him you noticed some dark spots on the material. You gulped. “Daryl…”

“Hmm?” he glanced over at you and saw that your eyes were fixed on his back. His stomach twisted. “S’nothin’,” he said.

You gave him a skeptical and deeply concerned glance. “Let me see,” you said gently.

He dropped the ice pack from his eye again and hesitated for a moment, nervously licking his lips and bouncing his knee. He trusted you, more than anyone, but this was still hard… Finally, he set down the ice pack and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt, tugging it off over his head, wincing as he moved.

When the light cotton was pulled clear, you saw that his entire torso, his ribs, his sides, his back, all a cruel dark purple with shades of black and blue. Across his back were raised lashes, some open and bleeding, the reason for the dark spots you had seen on his t-shirt. He sat there with his eyes turned down and his shoulders slumped forward.

You couldn’t help it. The tears just started streaming out as you looked at what had been done to him.

“Hey,” he said, turning toward you a little, hearing your hitched breathing. His blue eyes landed on your face, took in your desperate expression. “S’alright,” he drawled softly.

Those words only made the tears pour out faster. “I should be saying that to you—” you managed. “But I don’t even know if that’s true. Daryl, you can’t keep livin’ there with him. He could kill you one of these times.”

He gulped. He knew you were right. Of course he did… “Where the hell am I supposed to go? Run off and find Merle? Go into the system? Because you and I both know neither of those are gonna work.”

You hastily wiped the tears from your cheeks. “Here. You can come here. I can talk to my mom—”

“Nah. Nah, ya’ve already done enough for me. Ya do enough. Christ, Y/N, ya pack me a damn lunch every day. I eat dinner here more nights than not.”

“It’d be fine! My mom loves you! And—and so do I,” you said quietly. You felt nervous flutters in your stomach. You’d never told him that before, but it was true.

Daryl’s eyes snapped up to your face again and he gulped.

“You’d be safe here. And taken care of the way ya deserve to be,” you said.

Part of him wanted that more than anything. He wanted to agree and escape from the shit life he was living in that shit house with his shit father. But the idea of being a burden, and he truly believed that’s all he would be, the sense that he wasn’t worth it was so engrained in him that he rebelled against that other part of him that wanted to reach out for help, for escape. He avoided your glassy eyes again and shook his head. “I can’t,” he said, with no small amount of effort.

You felt like your heart was breaking. “Why not?”

He wouldn’t look at you. You just wanted him to look up at you. You wanted to see his blue eyes and convince him. But he wouldn’t. “I just can’t…”

“Daryl—”

“No! It—it ain’t your job to save me, alright? And I ain’t—I ain’t your burden! Just leave it alone.”

“You’re not a burden.” You tried to swallow the tightness in your throat but it didn’t work. You sniffled and wiped the tears from your cheeks again. You’d pushed him enough. You let it drop. “Is he gonna know you’re gone?”

Daryl replaced the ice pack on his swollen and bruised eye. “Nah. He’s on his next bender now. He’ll be so drunk he can’t see straight for at least the next few days.”

You nodded. “Okay. Let’s get you patched up and somethin’ to eat,” you said quietly. You filled a glass with ice water and grabbed the lunch you had packed for him that day from the fridge, setting them down in front of him at the table. You grabbed his bloodstained t-shirt and murmured a soft “I’ll be right back.”

After throwing in some more laundry, his shirt with it, you climbed the stairs and retrieved the First Aid kit from under the sink in your bathroom. You paused for a moment, leaning heavily on your hands, gripping the edge of the basin so hard your knuckles were white. You glanced up at your pale and somewhat wide-eyed expression and wiped a few more stray tears away, steeling yourself. You needed to just be strong for him. You knew he was trying his hardest to hold himself together and you going to pieces wouldn’t help anything. You’d spoken your piece and there was nothing else to do at that moment besides care for him.

You came down with a pile of supplies and dumped them on the kitchen table next to him.

Daryl seemed frozen, still as stone, holding the ice pack to his eye and occasionally drinking for the glass of water you’d given him. You grabbed a washcloth and wet it with some alcohol. Daryl twitched a little as your fingers landed lightly on his bare shoulder.

You withdrew for a moment after he startled. “Sorry,” you said, replacing your hand gently. “This is gonna sting,” you said.

“Can’t be worse than it is now,” he said quietly.

You could tell his wounds hadn’t been tended to at all and it took you some time to carefully clean the dried blood from them, dabbing gently at the raw skin and cuts. You worked in silence and Daryl nervously bounced his leg and spun the water glass on the ring of condensation it had shed onto the table.

After you were satisfied that they were clean, you grabbed some ointment and spread it over the entire length of each as gently as you could. Your stomach twisted as you stepped back and took in the whole view of his wounds and bruises. “Alright. Done.”

“Thanks,” he murmured.

“Here. Take some of these,” you said, putting a bottle of Advil in front of him. “I’m sure you’re in a lot of pain.”

You moved around in front of him and sank down on a chair, sighing. Your brow was still knit and Daryl read the worry still on your face. “M’alright,” he said.

You shook your head. “No. You’re not.” You paused and grabbed the makeshift ice pack, replacing it in the freezer before nudging your head toward the staircase in the hall. “C’mon. You’re stayin’ here with me tonight.”

Daryl’s brow quirked down and he briefly chewed his bottom lip. “…Why?”

“Because it’s safe. And I just can’t let you go back there. And you need real sleep and we both know that you won’t get that if you’re under the same roof as him.”

Daryl considered your determined expression and finally nodded. “Alright.” He stood up, wrapping an arm around his ribs as they ached when he moved, and followed you up the stairs. You flicked the lights off as you went.

The door to your bedroom was standing open and Daryl hesitated at the threshold as you pulled the blankets back on your bed. You tossed an extra pillow down next the one already at the head of the bed.

Daryl gulped, nerves at the thought of staying with you so close all night suddenly overwhelming the aches and pains running through him. “I’ll take the floor,” he drawled.

You shot him a quizzical look. “You’re not taking the floor,” you said. “You’re covered in bruises. Come on. You take the other side. Just shut the door behind you.”

After shifting his weight a bit nervously for a moment, he finally crossed the threshold and shut the door softly behind him. You settled down in bed, heaving a sigh as your head hit the pillow. Daryl gingerly laid down on the other side, facing in toward you. His eyes met yours as he settled in, wincing a little as he moved his arm up under the pillow. You were close together, your faces merely six inches apart and Daryl could see your eyes flitting over his face.

“Ya sure this is alright?” he drawled quietly. “Yer mom…”

You shrugged. “She won’t even know. It’s okay.”

Daryl licked his lips absently and nodded.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

Daryl looked puzzled.

“It’s not fair,” you went on. “That someone as good as you has this happening to them.”

Daryl gulped nervously again, your words kindling a rush of heat in his chest which seemed to spill into his face. “Ain’t yer fault.”

You nodded, looking a bit sad, but beautiful in the warm glow of the single lamp on your nightstand. You turned and clicked it off, and maybe it was the darkness that gave you the courage to, but you reached over and found Daryl’s hand with yours in the dark and slipped yours beneath it, pressing your palm to his.

Daryl felt his stomach flip with surprise but he thrilled at the grounding touch from you. For once stopping himself from overthinking it, he laced his fingers with yours, and soon both of you were asleep.

_ _ _ _ _ _

Some years later

“Don’t fucking move.”

Daryl froze, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his teeth.

“Put your hands up where I can see them. Away from the bow.” The voice belonged to a woman and despite the tense and potentially dangerous situation he now found himself in, Daryl felt his stomach flip, seemingly responding to the voice peculiarly.

“Stand up.” Daryl obeyed and stood up slowly, in disbelief that he hadn’t heard whoever the hell this was approaching in the almost silent woods. That left him feeling particularly curious and a little uneasy. He didn’t like that anyone was able to sneak up on him… “Now turn around. Slowly.”

Again, Daryl complied, his hands still up, turning slowly to face toward the woman holding him at gunpoint.

But neither him nor you expected the person in front of you and you felt a tug somewhere behind your navel and the muzzle of your gun dropped involuntarily just as your mouth fell partially open. You felt like the air was ripped out of your lungs as you took in the familiar face in front of you. “What the hell?” The words fell from your lips without you even knowing it. But you would recognize those blue eyes anywhere. You lowered your gun the rest of the way. “D—Daryl?”

He finally dropped his hands his eyes narrowed and intense. “Are ya gonna shoot me?” he drawled. His voice was deep and gruff and you felt goosebumps rising on your skin. One corner of his mouth flicked up in the same way it always had back when you were kids.

You gulped, your hands still on your pistol. “Do I need to?”

He let out a gruff laugh. “Nah. I dun think so.”

You holstered your gun, still paralyzed, your boots seemingly rooted into the soil.

Daryl was the first one to move. He rushed over to you and hugged you almost desperately, but you were still in such a state of shock that by the time you moved to return it he was already breaking away. Your eyes were searching as you looked at him and he just peered back at you with that classic Daryl Dixon stare.

“S’real fuckin’ good to see you, Y/N,” he said. He bent and picked up his crossbow, swinging it over himself and onto his back in a fluid and well-practiced movement. He tilted his head at you. “Why the hell did ya stick me up, hmm?” he asked.

You snapped yourself out of your reverie, actually shaking your head slightly. “Uhh—My camp is near here. I don’t like strangers,” you said absently, still unable to trust your eyes that this man standing in front of you was the boy from your past. “Daryl—” You weren’t even sure where to start but you suddenly felt a swell of anger. “Daryl, what the fuck?” you demanded.

He cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably.

“I—I thought—you just—you left! You were just gone!” Before you knew it there were tears spilling out onto your cheeks and your anger was rising. “What the fuck!?” you yelled at him. You rushed toward him and pushed him hard in the chest. He simply took it and staggered backwards. “Why did you do that?! You didn’t even say goodbye to me! You didn’t tell me you were leaving, you didn’t tell me anything! You just—you were just gone! Do you know what I thought? Do you have any idea?!” You shoved him again and still he just took it and stepped back to regain his balance. “I thought maybe you were dead!” The tears were pouring out more quickly onto your cheeks and you reached out to shove him back again, but this time he gently caught your arm and held it. His eyes were soft and you crumbled underneath them. “I thought maybe you were dead. I thought your dad—” you gasped in a heaving breath.

“M’sorry,” he said. You stared at him, fighting emotion. “M’sorry,” he said again. He gently tugged you closer to him and you allowed it. “M’so sorry.”

You fell into him and felt his arms wrap around you as you squeezed your eyes shut. “M’sorry, Y/N,” he whispered to you. His hands flattened out on your back and smoothed over it and he held you until were able to stop yourself from crying. You straightened up, hastily wiping the tear streaks off your cheeks.

You laughed a little wryly at yourself. “This is so stupid. I’m—I’m crying over something that happened over a decade ago,” you murmured.

“S’cuz it still feels like it just happened yesterday. Ain’t stupid,” he said.

You took him in for a moment and then nodded. “Yeah. It does.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

You brought Daryl back to your camp and you both did you best to catch the other up one what life had been like since those hazy summer high school days. Most of it didn’t seem to matter anymore now that the world was what it was—all nightmarish and broken. But there was one question you had to ask him as you sat by the campfire that night.

“If you could do it over,” you hesitated, “would you do the same thing?”

“Hmm?” he hummed, a questioning noise.

“Would you just leave, like you did? Or would you do it differently?”

Daryl considered you quietly for a long moment. He had always thought you were beautiful and that hadn’t changed. He had always known you were kind and smart and caring and funny… and that hadn’t changed either, despite the hell around you now. And he still felt like there was a string, a golden thread that led from his heart to yours, tying the two of you together, and that still felt connected. It had never been cut. Not after all the time and all the distance. “I ask myself that just about every day. Think about ya every day,” he said, feeling a bit bashful under the gaze of your brilliant eyes. He turned back to stare at the crackling fire in front of you both. “I dunno if it woulda turned out any better or worse, or even any different but—I do regret not havin’ ya around all this time. Maybe my biggest regret in life.” He glanced up at you again and marveled at your thoughtful, open, and slightly sad expression.

You nodded subtly. “Mine too.”

“The reason I didn’t come tell ya I was leavin’—” he hesitated, biting his bottom lip anxiously. “Is because I knew ya’d try to stop me. I knew ya’d ask me to stay… and if—if ya asked me that, there would be no way I could go.”

You gave him a sad smile and had to blink away the glistening moisture in your eyes again. You cleared your throat and nodded. “I’m still mad at you,” you joked softly.

He let out a small laugh. “Thas fair…” Daryl rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “So, yer really alone out here?” he asked.

You nodded.

“Well, I’ve got a group. Good people. Family. If ya wanted to, ya can come back with me. Yer—yer family too. I promise they’re all good people,” he drawled. He watched you carefully, anxiously trying to read your reaction.

You nodded slowly. “I trust you,” you said.

He cleared his throat, feeling a swell of happiness at your response. “I won’t leave ya again,” he said.

You quirked an eyebrow up at him. “Ya better not.”

#daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon twd #the walking dead #twd fanfics #daryl dixon drabbles #daryl imagines #daryl dixon x reader #fanfics #writers of tumblr #twd drabbles #teen!daryl #teenage!daryl dixon #twd pre-outbreak

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shirtlesssammy · 3 years

Text

5x07: The Curious Case of Dean Winchester

A woman sits at home reading tabloid news. Her husband rushes in and doesn’t even greet her as he runs for the bathroom. Once there, he quickly transforms into an old man, and dies.

The CDC is on the case! Sam and Dean check out the victim -and he does not look like he was born in 1984. Dean calls Bobby to give him the heads up on the case. Dean then asks Bobby how he’s doing, but Bobby isn’t one for emotions.

The brothers then go to interview the wife of another missing man. Dean sneaks off to rifle through the man’s things and finds a receipt to Madame Liu’s Golden Palace. Bingo.

When Dean and Sam go to investigate the hotel of fun, they don’t find the old man they’re expecting, but a much younger man.

They almost don’t realize that he’s who they're looking for but Sam notices he has the same tattoo on his arm and Dean had to confirm by looking under the sheets. Oh Dean. Dean also tells the guy he looks great.

Cliff begs the brothers to not tell his wife. They want to know what his story is. He tells them it’s poker --chips are for years of your life. He won big. The guy running the game is an Irish man named Patrick and he moves around from bar to bar.

On the phone, Bobby confirms that there’s a lot of lore on this. Sam and Dean split up to find the guy. Bobby grabs his keys.

Dean stops at a bar and tries talking up the bartender. The bartender tells him where to go with a little bribe. Dean heads to where the game is played, only to run into Bobby. Dean asks Bobby what he’s doing there. Bobby played the game, and lost. BOBBY.

Dean storms off to find the (man)witch. Dean threatens him with a gun (pre-witch killing bullet days make me laugh --like that isn’t a threat, Dean!) but Patrick tells Dean that if he wants to get Bobby’s years back (WHICH HE DIDN’T HAVE ANYWAY UGH UGH UGH) he’ll have to play for them.

Dean bets 50 years. He cashes out Bobby’s 25 right away, and Bobby returns to normal. Dean needs to win them back.

Sam gets back to the motel with food to find an old man there. Well, not really --it’s Dean! They exchange fun barbs about what Dean looks like as an old man while Dean digs into his burger. Bobby pops in and Sam gets to watch a live recreation of Grumpy Old Men, which he’s enjoying IMMENSELY.

Dean continues to chastise Bobby for being so reckless. Bobby tells Dean he doesn’t understand. Dean then collapses into a chair with heart attack pains. Bobby tells him it’s acid reflux and he’ll “have to put down the cheeseburger.” The struggle is real, Dean.

They need to head out and win back the 50 years for Dean. As they’re leaving, the housekeeper arrives and finds old man Dean cute as a button. Your charms are worthless, Dean --and Sam and Bobby are delighted.

They track Patrick, who steals a car, and heads to a high rise apartment building. When he leaves again, they head inside. The elevator is out of service so Sam and Dean head up the stairs alone. Dean’s near exhaustion by the second floor.

Sam (and eventually Dean) find Patrick’s apartment and break in. There are a lot of unattended candles burning --stressing me out.

They find a safe but Dean can’t focus on the numbers, lol. Sam breaks it though and they find coins inside. A woman finds them and asks what they're doing (so the candles weren’t unattended, whew.)

Also, she’s a witch, and Patrick is also there and tells them they can gladly take the chips --they’re just chips. Patrick tells them they’ll have to play if they want the years.

He won’t play Dean though --he’s not a murderer. They leave, but Patrick gives Sam a parting gift BY CLAPPING.

Sam “Why Do I Get All the Venereal Diseases” Winchester wants to play the poker game. “When you get to be our age,” Dean tells Sam condescendingly as they try to talk him out of it.

“You’re thirty, Dean!” Sam retorts. Cracks me up EVERY TIME.

Bobby follows the Winchester playbook by offering to play again - this time for Dean. He argues that it’s worth risking his life. That way, he misses out on the apocalypse. Also, we’re reminded that Bobby hates his paralysis and thinks he’s useless. “I’m old...I’m broke down. I ain't a hunter no more. I'm useless.” I tell Bobby that his role was lore and manning the phones for most of the series so far and ANYWAY he ain’t useless.

Lia greets them at their motel.

She offers them “the most powerful reversal spell you ever laid your eyes on.” First of all, love the confidence! She tells them that it’ll undo all of Patrick’s spellwork - including her artificial youth. She mysteriously fondles a heart locket at her throat, but I’m sure it isn’t important.

Patrick plays another game of poker. He’s got a pair of kings, but he folds so the old man he’s playing can live to see his grandchild’s bat mitzvah. Sam enters and remarks on Patrick’s kindness. Then he deals in.

Meanwhile, Bobby and Dean grouse at each other over a grave. Dean’s OLD and he does not LIKE IT. Bobby has ZERO SYMPATHY.

For Shadow Puppet Theatre Science:

Sam faces down Patrick, ignoring the gambler’s strategic talk. While Lia distracts Patrick during a break in the game, Sam heads outside and hands Dean Patrick’s toothpick for a little witch DNA. Dean and Bobby do the spell and Dean gets ready to shed several decades. Dean’s “old man” actor continues to delight me.

Back at the gambler’s den, Patrick taunts Sam with a toothpick. Sam stole the wrong one...no DNA. Patrick tries to force-choke Sam in retaliation.

Lia begs Patrick to stop and confesses that she gave the Winchesters the spell. As for her reasons? Well, she fondles the locket meaningfully. They keep playing.

Bobby and Dean race to save Sam - they’ve got to get some DNA before the spell will work. At Patrick’s place, Dean tries to find some trace of hair, spit, whatever he can find. Back at the gambling table, Sam places his final bet.

Patrick folds, only to discover that Sam’s bluffing. He tells Sam that Dean’s on the verge of death. (In Patrick’s place, Dean clutches his chest dramatically.) Patrick notes that imperiling Dean turns Sam’s brain into an emotional slush pit. Sam shoves all his chips into the pot. It’s time to end the game.

Dean rattles out his final breaths as the game wraps up. It looks like Patrick wins, and Lia starts to cry. “For a witch, you're so nice,” Sam notes. “it's actually kind of creepy.” SAM! Don’t be rude. (Can’t wait ‘til you become Witch!Sam.) Sam pauses for dramatic effect and...I remind him that his brother is still dying? He reveals his cards. Sam won!

Dean runs out of the building, leaping with joy at the return of his youth.

Patrick and Lia sit together. She opens her locket to reveal her daughter...dead from extreme old age and buried long ago. Lia is tired of seemingly eternal youth. She puts in all her chips and they finish the game. They share an emotional farewell as she ages in front of Patrick.

Back at the motel, Sam “The Clap” Winchester heads out to get a booster shot. Dean apologizes to Bobby for being so hard on him. “You’re not useless, Bobby.”

“You don’t stop being a soldier ‘cause you got wounded in battle. Bottom line is, you’re family. I can’t do this without you.” Dean targets Bobby with his MOST EMOTIONAL FACE and tells him he can’t check out early. Dean needs him.

Bobby promises, thanks Dean for the sentiment, and then growls about needing to drop the emotional talk before they start growing “lady parts.” SIGH. Dean drops a burger, having learned for one episode to avoid cholesterol. They head out into the sunshine. I marinate in the emotion, until I realize that they never defeated Patrick? Have a nice life, I guess, ManWitch!

Boris: I absolutely adore this episode every time I watch it. I think we praise the actors who play the younger version of Dean so much, but I almost never consciously think about whether that’s a version of Dean or another actor playing Dean ---this actor seamlessly became Dean to me. Magic! Maybe because Dean’s already an old man. I love the case--I love Patrick--I love the look into Bobby’s struggle.

Benjamin Quotin’:

I'm just weepin' in my Haagen-Dazs. Idjit

Look at me! My junk's rustier than yours! You hear me bellyaching?

Pound it up your ass, ironsides

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #cas #spn 5x07 #the curious case of dean winchester #supernatural season 5

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mcu-fan-fics-blog · 3 years

Text

The Helping Hand

Summary: Y/N Krast Illegitimate Daughter of Tony Stark. Product of an unwanted teen pregnancy. What would Howard Stark be capable of doing to assure his sons future? What will happen when Tony meets our Beautiful, young, genius, rich philanthropist.

Word Count: 3000 approx

A/N: Sorry for the wait I've been a little busy the last couple of weeks. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Next chapter will be Civil war I hope to upload again soon. In the mean time if you have some ideas or thoughts send them my way.

Tw: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug use, Drug addiction, Teen Pregnancy. (If there are any I missed please tell me.)

Ch.7

Chapter 8: Time and Irony Walk Hand in Hand

Ch.9

"Well this is nice…" You say as Natasha drags you along. You see currently you and Natasha are quote on quote shaking a tail. Whatever that means… "Shut up and keep moving." You stop moving and pull your arm away. "Stop Nat we've gone far enough. It was probably just a coincidence we didn't really get that far from the food truck." Finally taking the time to catch your breath. "I think we should get back to the compound. Tony and Bruce must be waiting for me." You say looking around for a cab lucky for you one stopped right before you and you got in.

The ride back to the Compound was quiet. When she's about to make her way in, you stop her. "Nat… I know that didn't go the way either of us wanted it to go but I still had fun. And again what I'm trying to say is that I would like to do things your way, candlelit, waiters, and wine. If you want to of course." You fidget with your fingers waiting for her response. "Y/n I would love to… but I like the way you do things. You're not the Wine and Dine type... I like that." She mentions as she walks back in. You quickly follow suit after she makes a comment about your blatant staring.

Once you stop on the elevator FRIDAY greets you. Telling you that Tony and Bruce are waiting for you in the lab. "Well Nat this is goodbye for now, see you around." You say stepping off of the elevator. Suddenly this weight comes crashing down on you. Remembering what Bruce told you the worry in his eyes. Dread fills your body when you're walking towards the lab. "Guys I'm back… anything good for me?" You state casually trying your hardest not to sound hopeful. "Well yes and no…" Tony states putting the tablet down. "I'm going to be honest with you… your heart is trashed, absolute garbage."

"Way to make a girl feel special." You say with a dry laugh. "But I think we can build something. And with my arc reactor technology we can make it work." He states tapping at his chest. This is where Bruce jumps in "with the help of Dr. Cho we could try and make a new cradle… and use it for its intended purpose this time around. Making a heart powered by the arc reactor." You nod taking all the information in. "Well this is good right? How long would this take." This is where both Tony and Bruce go quiet. "Y/n the process is relatively easy, what's difficult is getting our hands on the Vibranium."

"Which is basically a non existent problem at this point… Bruce is just paranoid, my contact will pan out you'll see." Tony jumps back in clearly annoyed that Bruce was disclosing such trivial issues. "Even if we do get the Vibranium Y/n there's something we don't know… If you'll even survive the transplant." Your eyes meet his and he elaborates. "Your body might not be strong enough to handle it." Suddenly the inevitability of the situation dawns upon you. "Well I'm still doing it… I'm dying anyways. What difference does it make if it's a month from now or five. I'm doing it."

"Well, let not be hasty alright. We can still look for other alternatives." Bruce tries to argue. "Look, this is Y/n's decision. She's old enough to make her own decisions. Plus the more we work on this the higher survival chances are." Tony argues. You clear your throat when you notice some visitors standing by the door. "How long have they been there?" You ask, trying to mask your anger. Pietro and Steve both give you sheepish smiles that don't quite reach their eyes. "Look Y/n we just wanted to make sure you were okay… and by the looks of it you're not."

You stand making your way to stand in front of Steve who had just taken a defensive stance. "Well you're right I'm not okay. Now what are you going to do about it Cap… Other than feeling pity every time you look at me." You say pushing your finger on his chest. "This does not leave this room you understand?" You say looking at both Steve and Pietro. "But, My sister…" You nod "Figure it out pretty boy. Now if you could leave the adults have to talk." They both sigh but take their leave. You turn and notice Tony and Bruce staring, not saying anything. You can only laugh at the sight.

As much as you did want to be mad you couldn't. You were starting to come to terms with the fact that your business was now becoming their business. "I just wanted to watch them squirm." You clarify making Tony laugh. "Well I'd say you achieved that." Bruce mentions. "I'll give them til the end of the day. What do you think?" You say looking at Tony. "How much are you willing to bet, Billionaire to Billionaire?" He asks, challenging you. "50 million dollars." He scoffs. "Don't be a prude, make it Euros." You nod. "Best money there is." You say agreeing with him. "I'll hold you to that Y/n." He says as you leave the lab.

Two days later you were busy. You'd been in contact with Bruce and Pepper. Currently you were looking for someone to mentor. Someone you could leave your legacy with. Logan was an obvious choice but you knew he wouldn't take it. "You wanna give it a break Y/n you're not going to find the perfect candidate in so little time." Logan mentions. When suddenly your secretary enters with more forms. "Ms. Krast these are the applications from Midtown Science High. There's only four. Liz Allan, Ned Leeds, Flash Thompson, and uhh Peter Parker." You sigh with a smile forming on your lips. "They've got to be here my mentee. These kids are geniuses."

You say as you look through the applications. Slowly crossing off the first two, that Flash kid and Liz. Ned and Peter it was a tough choice until you saw some of yourself in Peter's eyes. "It's him." You say under your breath catching Logan's attention. "Peter Parker… I want him, he will be the future of our company. Make arrangements. I want him to feel welcomed." You say as you start to gather your things. "Send out the acceptance letter today." You say to Logan on your way out. "Will do Boss." He says with a smile growing on his face as he reads the file. Peter didn't have it easy on the contrary he lived through a lot but he still managed to be him.

The next week went by in a blur. Your will and testament were drafted and certified. You were set on that end and now on the other front. You were currently parked outside Midtown High waiting for the bell to ring. When it does a couple of minutes pass when a fresh faced kid is knocking on your window. "Y/n Krast nice to meet you kid." You say rolling down the window. He seems a little nervous. "Come on in Peter. We're going to get to know each other a little before we begin working with the internship." He nods enthusiastically, a small smile forming on his lips. "Tell me about your Peter, I mean outside of what I already know."

"Well I'm what most people would call a nerd. My aunt may always say that's not true but it is." You hum in agreement pulling out of the school parking lot. "Well being popular is overrated anyways." You jump in. "And Ned, my best friend, we're huge fans of you and your work." He says his speed increases as he starts to ramble about how he followed your trajectory as soon as he found out who you were. "Well I'm glad you like what I do Peter but in my eyes were equals. I will teach you my ways and hopefully you'll take over once I'm dead. Keeping my legacy alive long after I'm dead." You say seriously making him settle and quiet down.

"Ms. Krast you can't be serious." He says giving you an incredulous look. "I was an orphan… I was given a chance. Someone believed in me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you remind me of me… and I would like to give you that same chance that I was given." You say sincerely. "Y/n that's too generous… Plus I don't think that I'm what you're looking for. I'm clumsy and…" You stop the car making him look at you. "You may not be ready now or tomorrow but if you let me teach you, you will be." You say reassuringly. "Plus I don't plan on dying anytime soon." You say playfully at the end causing Peter to laugh successfully lightening the mood. "Also another plus for you after this year's audit we'll be working hand in hand with Tony Stark."

At the mention of Tony's name he lit up ten times more than you thought possible. It made you laugh a little but you understood him. "That's amazing. Me working for Y/n Krast and Tony Stark, a literal dream come true." You nod at his statement. The day went by incredibly fast. He was a nice kid, respectful and smart, a little naïve but overall sensible. You went to his favorite pizza place and talked, went to Krast Industries and introduced him to Logan. Showed him his dedicated work space. "So here's your badge, don't lose it. Umm… you'll be here every other day after school, and if you have some special dates tell Margaret the secretary and she'll make a schedule around it." You say as you're walking towards the elevator.

Peter stops abruptly turning to face you. "Thank you really." He then proceeds to rather hastily pull you into a hug. You're shocked initially but hug him back nonetheless. "Don't sweat it kid." You say patting his back. "I'll have one of my drivers give you a lift home alright." He nods. Just before you press the button for the elevator the doors open. Revealing Pepper Potts and Tony Stark. It makes you laugh internally knowing that the young boy beside you just had his world rocked. "Ms. Krast this is real right?" He asks in a high pitched voice. You nod.

"Pepper Tony, I would like you to meet my new mentee Peter Parker." You say nudging him forward. "Hi, you're Tony Stark." He says in a daze. "Yes kid I am Tony stark and you are?" Tony could literally not care less. Until you gave Pepper a look and she nudged Tony. "Alright kid it was nice meeting you." He says overly enthusiastically. Peter takes the compliment either way. "Alright Peter go over to Margaret she'll take you to the driver. We have some urgent business to attend." He nods and waves goodbye shyly and takes his leave. "Right what do you guys need." Pepper clears her throat "Well actually Tony and I wanted to invite you out to lunch."

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get going." You say walking off with Pepper. "You'll be pleased to know that you won our wager. They know..." Tony mentions at the restaurant. You laugh. "Told you!" Pepper gives you a look. "They're worried about you." You sigh. "Pepper, believe me I'm worried too." Tony quickly steps in. "Which you don't need to worry about too much, everything is in place. Everything panned out Dr. Cho was more than willing to help us. So whenever you want." He says again not meeting your gaze. "I was… ummm. Actually thinking we should hold off on that."

"What… why?" They both ask almost immediately. "I'm okay right now." Tony scoffs. "So you rather wait till you have another episode to undergo the procedure." You hum. "Precisely see you get it." Watching their confusion you continue. "I've got things I have to leave ready. Time that I can't take for granted." Before they could argue with you said. "I need time… I-i drafted my will a couple of days ago." You say burying your head into your hands. "It's funny really… how you get things you're willing to live for. And life just comes along and takes it from you." Your mind drifts off to Viv and David. You wipe your tears and excuse yourself. Just as you're about to leave you remember.

"Put the money in a college fund for the kid." You grab Peppers shoulder and nod. "We'll keep in touch." You say leaving the restaurant.

Three weeks later

Pretty early on you noticed Peter's jumpy behavior. It wasn't long till you found out his little secret. Again smart kid heart of gold even, but too naïve for his own good. You'd had one of your AI robots track him after he'd shown up a little dinged up. Telling him you knew took some time. You didn't know the extent of his capabilities, but you'd seen the kid walk on walls and kick some ass.

As cute as he looked in that makeshift costume you had a better one in mind. "Peter I would like to show you something." You call out from your workstation in the lab. "Ward pull up spider schematics please." You call out. "What do you think?" You say as Peter glances at his new suit. "I-i um… It's awesome but who is at for?" He said quickly. You almost burst out in laughter right then and there but you played along. "Well I was in Queens the other day and there was this mugging and some hero came out of nowhere and stopped the mugging." You say as you deconstruct the specks of the suit. Watching as peter gawks at the hologram.

"When I noticed his suit wasn't really a suit, I made him one. You think he'll like it?" Peter nods eagerly, you hum in response. "Alright then try it on, see how it fits spider boy." Peter stands there with his mouth hanging open and you could swear saliva came out. "You aren't that good at keeping secrets kid." You say handing him the suit. "I expect you to be careful, kid." Peter starts to ramble trying to explain himself and begs you to not fire him. You physically had to stop him from pacing. "No ones firing anyone. I'm proud of your kid again, just be careful." Emphasizing the last part. "I will" after all that's out of the way you and Peter spent the day testing out the specks in his new suit. Web slingers and all. Yo I didn't leave until he got the hang of it. It took a while but it was well with the wait.

The next day you wake up to the news seeing a familiar twin on the news. Not good Lagos had gone wrong, the building collapsed and Wanda was to 'blame'. You hurriedly made your way through your morning routine and raced to the compound. As soon as you make it to the common room you can tell something's off. "How is everybody?" You asked Steve who was the first you saw. "I'm assuming you heard about the incident." You don't have the heart to say yes so you just nod. "We're all a little down on morale. Nothing we can't fix." You say, giving you a small smile. You hate that he is down playing this because of your current dilemma. "It wasn't your fault." You say. As you walk off towards Pietro.

"Are you okay?" You ask this time actually worried Pietro doesn't seem like his usual self. "No...It's Wanda. She hasn't talked to anyone she hasn't eaten she hasn't left her room." He says all in one breath. He finally stopped stirring and slid down to the floor and sat. "Its my fault. I-i could've moved faster, I could've saved them." He says defeatedly. "Maybe… Maybe not" You say bluntly sitting in front of him. "You can't go back now. And I know it's a sour experience. You made the right decision." You sigh. "You made the choice that saved the most lives." He nods letting out a deep breath. "I know… I know but Wanda. If I had saved those people Wanda wouldn't be feeling like this right now." You shake your head. "You fail to realize that if you had done that you would've died along with the other victims. Wanda will come around and let me talk to her." He only nods. "She's in her room."

You knock on her door a couple of times… no answer. So you make yourself comfortable and prepare yourself. Your knock every minute or two and you're constantly yelling in your head. Half an hour goes by and nothing. You go back to mentally yelling, when suddenly you're being dragged by the collar of your shirt into the room with the doors shutting behind you. "You're stubborn like a mule." She says not sparring you a look. "Yeah well I'm dying what are you gonna do about it." You quipped smiling at her. She chuckles. Suddenly the light leaves her face. "I killed people… I put people in danger, I put my own brother I'm danger." You nod. "You also saved hundreds of people. God only knows what that gas would have done. So thank you Wanda. You're my hero." You say sending her a smile.

Right when she's about to say something a certain red friend phases through the wall. "You will never cease to amaze me Vision." You say while looking between him and the wall. "You have very good taste in clothes." You mention as you eye him. He smiles. "Vision. We talked about this, there's a door for a reason." Wanda states. "Yes, well the door was open so I assumed…" He says, explaining himself. "What did you need Vision?" Wanda asks cutting him off. "Well Mr. Stark asked me to come and get both you there is a team meeting. With secretary Ross."

#avengers #marvel #natasha x y/n #pietro maximoff #wanda x reader #tony stark #natasha romanoff #reader x avengers #wanda maximoff #fanfic #mcufam #stark reader #captain america #civil war

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otherworldseekers · 3 years

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100 Romantic Lyric Prompts from my Jazz Playlist

Just something I decided to put together for fun and because I listen to too much Sinatra. I’m going to type these up in a prose format instead of a lyric format to save space and make it neater. These are intended for general inspiration so don’t let pronouns or exact wording hold you back!

1. I’ve got you deep in the heart of me. So deep in my heart that you’re really a part of me.

2. And that laugh that wrinkles your nose touches my foolish heart.

3. All summer long we sang a song and then we strolled that golden sand. Two sweethearts and the summer wind.

4. If the sandman brought me dreams of you, I’d want to sleep my whole life through.

5. So I’m the guy who turned out a lover. Yes, I’m the guy who laughed at those blue diamond rings. Just one of those things.

6. Unrequited love’s a bore, and I’ve got it pretty bad. But for someone you adore it’s a pleasure to be sad.

7. I know I stand in line until you think you have the time to spend an evening with me.

8. If you want the moon I’ll bring the moon right down to you. Baby, what else can I do?

9. If they ask me, I could write a book. About the way you walk and whisper and look.

10. Call me irresponsible. Yes, I’m unreliable. But it’s undeniably true that I’m irresponsibly mad for you.

11. Do I want you? Oh my, do I.

12. I’d sacrifice anything, come what might, for the sake of having you near.

13. But I’ve got lots of plans for tomorrow and all my tomorrows belong to you.

14. I’ll never be the same. There is such an ache in my heart.

15. I’m through with flirting. It’s just you I’m thinking of.

16. How could I know about love? I didn’t know about you.

17. I know that I’ve never lived before and my heart is very sure. No one else could love you more.

18. Dawn is nearing, time is fleeting. Mind if I make love to you?

19. Are the stars out tonight? I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright. Cause I only have eyes for you.

20. Oh, but you’re lovely with your smile so warm and your cheeks so soft.

21. I would work and slave the whole day through if I could hurry home to you.

22. What a fool I am, to think my breaking heart could fool the moon.

23. These things are dear to me, they seem to bring you near to me.

24. If there is some other way to prove that I love you, I swear I don’t know how.

25. And I seem to find the happiness I seek when we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek.

26. Once I get you up there, where the air is rarified, we’ll just glide. Starry-eyed.

27. But it wouldn’t be make believe if you believed in me.

28. And I am once again with you, when our love was new and each kiss an inspiration.

29. Just tea for two and two for tea. Just me for you and you for me alone.

30. You go to my head and you linger like a haunting refrain.

31. Birds do it. Bees do. Even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.

32. Please remember I still want you and in case you wonder why...

33. With each word your tenderness grows, tearing my fear apart.

34. The kiss in your eyes, the touch of your hand makes me weak. And my heart may grow very dizzy and fall.

35. I saw them all. Just couldn’t fall til we met.

36. When an irresistible force, such as you, meets and old immovable object, like me...

37. Look at yourself. Do you still believe the rumor that romance is simply grand?

38. I never mind the rain from the sky if I can find the sun in your eyes.

39. My head keeps spinning. I go to sleep and keep grinning.

40. What are your charms for? What are my arms for? Use your imagination.

41. In other words, hold my hand. In other words, baby, kiss me.

42. Now my heart is music. Such a simple song, singing again, the notes never end. This is where I belong.

43. You know I can’t lie. If I say to you, ‘Baby, I love you.’ Then baby, I love you.

44. There are many, many crazy things that will keep me loving you.

45. I’m glad that I’m the one who found you. That’s why I’m always hanging around you.

46. Love is all that I can give to you. Love is more than just a game for two.

47. I saw you there one wonderful day. You took my heart and you threw it away.

48. You’d be so easy to love. So easy to idolize. All others, above.

49. Good things come to those who wait. So just relax and wait for fate.

50. My life will be in your keeping, waking, sleeping, laughing, weeping.

51. We’ve only tasted the wine, we’re gonna drain the cup dry.

52. In your arms, I know for once in my life, I’m living.

53. Don’t go nowhere. What do I care? Your kisses are worth waiting for, believe me.

54. Sometimes I love you, sometimes I hate you. But when I hate you, it’s cause I love you.

55. As long as I’ve got arms that cling at all, it’s you they’ll be clinging to.

56. I never knew the technique of kissing. I never knew the thrill I could get from your touch.

57. You won’t really fall in love cause you can’t take the chance. So be honest with yourself, don’t try to fake romance.

58. The Autumn wind, and the Winter winds, they have come and gone. And still the days, those lonely days, they go on and on.

59. If your heart, it never could yield to me. Then I’d rather have nothing at all.

60. For nobody else gave me a thrill. With all your faults, I love you still.

61. And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like ‘I love you’.

62. When an irrepressible smile such as yours warms an old implacable heart such as mine...

63. I’ve forgotten you, just like I should. Of course I have.

64. The very thought of you and I forget to do the little ordinary things that everyone ought to do.

65. You went away and my heart when with you.

66. There’s a smile on my face for the whole human race. Why it’s almost like being in love.

67. If they made me a king, I’d be but a slave to you.

68. Sitting all day without holding my baby makes me so blue and sad.

69. How lucky can one guy be? I kissed her and she kissed me.

70. I’ll be holding you so near you may here all the angels cheer because we’re together.

71. But now that your lips are burning mine, I’m beginning to see the light.

72. So tell me, why should it be true that I get a kick out of you?

73. You are all I long for, worship and adore.

74. I got starlight, I got sweet dreams. I got my man, who could ask for anything more?

75. Better fish are in the sea, is not the theory for me.

76. If you’ll let me, I’ll endeavor to persuade you I’m your party for two.

77. So worth the yearning for, so swell to keep every home fire burning for.

78. Baby, don’t you know I love you so? Can’t you feel it when we touch?

79. And the simple secret of the plot is just to tell them that I love you, a lot.

80. Only you have that magic technique. When we sway, I grow weak.

81. You are here, so am I. Maybe millions of people go by. But they all disappear from view.

82. Well, I’m not too clever. I just adore you.

83. He’s a fool and don’t I know it. But a fool can have his charms.

84. There’s a somebody I’m longing to see. I hope that she turns out to be someone who’ll watch over me.

85. In a restless world, like this is, love is ended before it’s begun.

86. It’s very clear. Our love is here to stay, but forever and a day.

87. When you put your arms around me, I get a fever that’s so hard to bear.

88. Longer than always is a long, long time. But far beyond forever, you’ll be mine.

89. Then you came and caused a spark that’s a four alarm fire now.

90. Somewhere, somehow, someone’s gotta be kissed.

91. The cigarettes you light one after another won’t help you forget her and the way that you love her.

92. You’ll never know how slow the moments go till I’m near to you.

93. But when I saw you I knew, we got together like a wink and a smile.

94. Couldn’t sleep, wouldn’t sleep. When love came and told me I shouldn’t sleep.

95. We may never meet again on that bumpy road to love. Still, I’ll always, always keep the memory of...

96. I light up when you call my name and you know I’m gonna treat you right.

97. And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too, is when I fall in love with you.

98. She takes Winter and makes it Summer. And Summer could take some lessons from her.

99. Those fingers in my hair, that sly come-hither stare that strips my conscience bare... It’s Witchcraft.

100. That’s why, darling, it’s incredible that someone so unforgettable, thinks that I am unforgettable too.

#prompts #writing prompts #jazz music #lyrics #inspiration #romantic

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sebastianshaw · 4 years

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This is in Shaw’s bio on the Marvel WIki and it bugs me: “ Sebastian Shaw's powers first manifested shortly after he was accepted to engineering school and his father died, when he was beaten by some rednecks in a bar.” He was not beaten by rednecks. He was beaten by a bunch of rich upper-class college kids, and the REASON they do it is because they overhear him talking about how he’s going to college. They’re very much coded as like elite WASP-y types, with their hairstyles and their sweaters worn over neat button-ups, these are NOT rednecks, and they mock him by asking “How are you gonna pay for it, big man on campus? Food stamps?!” He’s mocked and violently attacked by the born-wealthy not just for being poor, but being poor and TRYING TO GET OUT OF HIS PLACE. It’s not just that he’s poor, it’s that he’s poor and trying to go somewhere that the rich perceive as THEIR space. It’s classism and pushback against class mobility of the poor getting an opportunity that can help them no longer be as poor, personified as literal violence. And this pushback, rather than deterring Shaw or hurting him, has the effect of, as stated, activating his mutation and fighting back. The very blows that they struck against him with their pool cues are what made him able to punch them through a door. Converting adversity into advantage, obstacles fueling him, only becoming stronger whatever life throws at him, Shaw’s power is a metaphor for that and always has been (Emma’s diamond metaphor is similiar and more famous, but actually came WAY later in her development, she didn’t get her diamond form til the 2000s) But just as important is the metaphor here about class. Misinterpreting these guys as rednecks (which, I don’t see how you could? they’re as cliche preppy as you can get in the art?) and not including WHY they attacked young Shaw, really misses a KEY part of what was going on here, literally (rich preps mad a poor kid is getting out of his place) and metaphorically (rich people wanting to cut off any chance poor people might have at climbing out of poverty) And that, too is a big part of Shaw’s struggle and his character. This class struggle, and specifically, struggle against rich people who don’t think he “belongs” with them, even when he becomes rich as well. The idea that the “nouveau riche” are somehow inferior to the born rich is an idea going back all the way to when class mobility became a thing that was even possible at all---there are stereotypes that apply to all rich people (snooty, callous, out of touch) but there are SPECIFIC stereotypes around the “new rich” (aka people who actually EARNED IT) such as being tacky, ostentatious, and basically not knowing how to “behave” with “class” because they didn’t grow up wealthy. It’s very us vs them, and very much the reaction of the born-rich to those that dared to rise to their level and get out of their place---and society embraces it. Media mocks the new rich with episodes where a character suddenly comes into wealthy and becomes an ostentatious jerk, and I see people online all the time say things like how “money can’t buy class” and like...there’s a lot to criticize Trump for, but I don’t think the fact he eats well-done steak with ketchup is one of them. And yet I’ve seen people do this, and tie it to the fact that though he was born wealthy, his family is not “old money”. I’m serious. Of all the things people could have an issue over, it’s that he doesn’t eat steak the CLASSY way that someone from a family with generational wealth would. So yeah this a mentality that is still around and certainly was in the 50s, when Shaw was attacked, and in the 80s, when he was the billionaire we know today. Shaw knows this, and he actively pushes back against it. He doesn’t hide that he was born poor---he points it out and brings it up. He literally tells someone else in the Hellfire Club to their face, and an IMPORTANT person he considers a friend no less, point blank, “You were born to wealth. I forged mine from nothing.” The fact Shaw is a self-made man is CRUCIAL to his identity, and in fact I’d say it *is* his identity from his own perspective, but that’s another rant. So, this guy he said it to, is Ned Buckman. Ned Buckman is the White King of the Hellfire Club when Shaw joined. He in fact is the one who chose Shaw to join the Inner Circle and become Black Bishop. Shaw trusted him and regarded him as a friend (note that current Shaw trusts NO ONE and does not have friends) But when Ned finds out that Shaw and his allies are mutants, he attempts to eliminate them all, which leads to the death of Lourdes, Shaw’s beloved fiancee. Shaw responds by leading a coup with Emma, the pair of them slaughtering Ned and his Inner Circle; Shaw personally breaks Ned’s neck. So, let’s break this down. Mutants are typically used as a metaphor for race or sexuality. But here, I think it’s class. Ned is old money, and he’s at the literal top of the heap as White King of the Hellfire Club, an organization for the richest of the rich. He’s got all the power in the world. And now, mutants are popping up, and he fears them, he fears their abilities, and they’re right here in his Inner Circle. And he tries to eliminate them from it, even while pretending to be Shaw’s friend. That’s the rich, claiming they want the poor to succeed, berating them for not working hard enough when they don’t, yet being the ones to oppose education, welfare, maternity leave, anything that could actually help poor people climb out of the hole that the rich berate them for being in. And when someone actually DOES, as Shaw did? They don’t want them there, and are in fact THREATENED by their presence, and will attack them for it (though of course not in the LITERAL physical sense that Ned did with Sentinels) There’s also the fact that being lower class is more likely for women and POC, but I think Shaw and Ned both being white men works best here because it keeps the focus solely on this class, since class and mutation are the only differences between them in terms of social identity. This isn’t to say intersectionality is bad to discuss in terms of class issues, just I think this story wanted to focus SOLELY on class and that’s fine, and Shaw works great for that as someone whose suffering as an impoverished child to young adult came solely from being lower class. And what does Shaw do after he does exactly what Ned feared he did and take over, take his place? Becomes exactly the worst stereotype of an evil rich person, rapaciously greedy, hedonistic and callous, and, worst of all, funds Sentinels for profit, funds weapons meant to kill HIS OWN PEOPLE because it makes him money. And if we’re going for mutants as a metaphor for class in Shaw’s case, I think that works PERFECTLY.

#classism #meta #class

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ificanthaveu · 3 years

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Dani Reviews Wonder

hello, I'm well aware no one asked for this but this is the only way I can order my thoughts on an album and when Romance came out, someone literally asked me to fully review it and I've never forgotten about that and I loved writing a full review so hello here I am

I hate that I have to do this but DISCLAIMER: these are my opinions. I get that you may not agree with them and that’s totally cool, but if you come into my inbox attacking my opinions on a song, I will not answer it and it will be deleted without a second thought. Let’s discuss the songs, not tear each other apart

and LET’S GO

1. INTRO

Ok so I typically do nothing with intros because I usually think they’re a waste of time. HOWEVER, I really like this one. Now that we’ve heard the whole album, it really encapsulates the entire feel of the rest of the album. It’s been on my playlist since it’s been released and I'm obsessed with it. The soft little piano in the beginning is just perfect and I really love the build up. (not many lyrics to chose from here ope)

You have a million different faces, but they'll never understand unless you let them in

2. WONDER

I never did a full analysis like I was going to for this song. However, I’m going to do like half of one here. I honestly feel like he can be talking about himself, his fans or a girl. You can see it in all 3 ways. I also just feel like there are some lyrics in this where I'm like YES. It reminds me a little bit of Mirrorball by Taylor Swift in the fact that we expect so much from celebrities and like.....why??? It’s just kind of fucked. I think this is honestly such a good single and I really really love it. I feel like it’s just really pure?? if that makes sense. Like he’s just being like “I wonder why it is like this.” and the BRIDGE ugh she's so beautiful.

I wonder why I’m so afraid of saying something wrong. I never said I was a saint.

3. HIGHER

A CERTIFIED BOP. It’s just so lively and upbeat and I wanna dance and I CANNOT WAIT to hear this live. It’s going to be absolutely insane. Blasted it on my way to get coffee this morning. And the lyrics are so lovey and cute but the beat is just too fkn good. I feel like it’s a very common theme in this album to be like “with you, nothing else matters” and like...can’t relate but ALAS I love the music about it anyway.

All eyes are lookin' at us but I can't stop fallin' in love

4. 24 HOURS

OH BOY time to FKN CRY. I absolutely love how old timey it feels. Especially the beginning, it makes me think of 50s music and I’ve been on a big 50s kick recently. Again he’s just so loud about being I don’t care what anyone thinks because I love you and I know it’s you and like YES PLEASE. and just being so in love that you’d throw it all away to come home to that person every day. I really love how the lyrics start with him being like I don’t know how to do this at all but I love you so lets go from there and then figure out the rest. And quoting “only fools rush in” made me so emotional. I love how simple the music is behind it because I think it really encapsulates the feeling of the song. It’s so hard to pick a favorite lyrics for this song my god.

(Besides the entire chorus) I paint the world that you deserve, every color you'd imagine

5. TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE

UMMMM OK???? Very Justin Timberlake vibes for me personally. Very 70s. Very vibey. “Draw a map for me laced with strawberries” ???? HOMIES I cannot I genuinely cannot. As sexual as this is, I also think it’s just so PURE. Like just teach me what’s best for you and I’ll do it. Also like...Shawn say “fuck” challenge like homie you could’ve just said it. Please. I also feel like if I was in love with someone, it’d hit different but for me it is just so FUN and I love the guitar parts a TOn. Like Idk how you can’t just get up and dance to this. Also this one live is going to be other worldly. And “babe I won’t stop til you feel the rush” I MEANNNN

F'ing me up, I'm what you dеserve

6. CALL MY FRIENDS

Ok, so idk what to really say about this one. I like the concept. I think the concept itself is really sweet and fuck it hits different when you’re away from all your friends especially during quarantine and college in general. Like I was (still am) on the phone with my friends constantly, because like Shawn said, they know me better than any one else ever will because they watched me go and grow through it. It’s also just sad because we grow up and grow apart and fuck it’s HARD. I’m not a huge fan of the chorus and I think that’s the main thing for me. The verses are sweet, but idk really about the chorus. I’m just indifferent about the chorus. But there are just lyrics in here that really hit me like “I miss how it was when we we wished we were older.” that one really gets me.

I know you gotta make some sacrifices, I don't wanna be alone for one more night

7. DREAM

Ok I LOVE THIS SONG but I have to first get something off my chest. The first time I listened to it, I could only think of the dream song from shark boy and lava girl. I don’t know why. But I’m done with that now. Moving on. This song is just so sweet and lovey and I’m obsessed with it. I really like the rhythm of it?? I think that’s the word I’m looking for idk. ALSO him talking about their little touch bracelets like wtf why is no one in love with me. I honestly don’t have much to say about this except that I’m thoroughly obsessed with it. I kinda feel like this song could be in a movie?? you feel me??? The echoey “dream”s are also just GORGEOUS, also how it gets so soft at the end fuck I love this song. And if I think too much about it I’ll cry, but the parallels between Dream and Dream of You

I don't wanna wake up without you laying next to me

8. SONG FOR NO ONE

This song makes me sad. Very sad. God, just the feeling of having a notification and wanting it to be that one person and it just never is but every time you’re like ok but what if. I was thinking about this last night and the way I see it is that he’s made it clear all of his songs are for/about Camila. So I feel like this one is very guard up, being like “no no this isn’t about you, I swear I’m not writing songs about you. it’s about no one. it’s just something I made up” which just makes it all so much harder. Also the use of “someone” instead of “her” or “you” is also very like “I’m not going to say it.” It’s just all very sad because you have to imagine everyone asking him all the time who his songs are about and he just had to keep saying “no one.” This is the first time where he’s actually been able to say “HEY THEY’RE ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND.” And like fuck, finally. Also imagining Shawn drunk calling her and her having to say she doesn’t feel the same. AND when he's like it’s fine I’ll be fine anyway as his voice kind of trails off like GOD that feeling HURTS. I just have way too much to say about this song because I think you can go really deep into it on what the years before Camila and him started dating were really like for him.

Close my eyes, things are better in my dreams, 'cause I'm with someone, someone I adore

9. MONSTER

I won’t say too much about this bc this song has been out for a little bit, so I’ll make this a little more personal. my friend Han is a HUGE Justin fan and I am pretty obviously a HUGE Shawn fan. and we’d always be like “omg what if” but we thought it was never going to happen so when rumors started circulating about this, we were fucking freaking out. This song is literally our dream collab. I think Justin was the perfect person for this song because of his time in the public eye. And just the whole song being like “you put me up here, so I guess you’re the only one who can push me off.” And it is pretty fucked how we put celebrities on these pedestals and expect them to not make any mistakes at all when we are constantly making them. It’s just hypocritical. It’s also hard to pick a favorite lyric for this one because I think there are a lot that hit hard so I’m doing a fave Shawn and fave Justin

Raise me up into the sky until I'm short of breath // ‘Cause unforgiveness keeps them in control

10. 305

This one surprised me in the best way. I have no idea what I was expecting for this song but god I LOVE IT. I’m obsessed with it and want to jam forever. Just very boppy??? and so HAPPY. I get so smiley when I listen to it. “Waiting for the moment that you’ll let me down” just stuck out to me because I feel like that’s such a universal feeling. Like when everything’s going so good and you’re like....ok what’s about to go wrong. I’m literally dancing in my seat to this baby. The chorus is so catchy and I really wish I was in love pt 358933. I think this may be crowned as my favorite on the album. It’s just so fun and full of love.

Would take my heart with you if you walked away

11. ALWAYS BEEN YOU

I have been looking forward to this one and she did not disappoint!! Again, this man is screaming about how in love he is and yes, sir I’m listening. You’re the only one my heart keeps coming back to!!!!! And just the very loud instrumental with the soft “always been you”s is SO GOOD. The boy who’s really underneath all the scars and insecurities!!! God, I just feel like this one is especially raw about love. And for the thousandth time, really wish I was in love to fully feel this but STILL it has such a good beat but is still so so soft.

Full of words I don't know how to say

12. PIECE OF YOU

Heavily reminds me of Jealous by Nick Jonas and I am HERE FOR IT. I feel like we haven’t gotten a ton of this blatant jealousy from him and the HONESTY of this is very like yes I'm possessive. I’m so into you it hurts!!! The counting is also.....hot. Idk why but I love a song that’s very like “yes I'm protective and pathetic and reckless and what about it???” Again, love the beat. A little 80s in my opinion (here’s me remembering it’s MJ inspired lmao).

From the second you walked in the room, my night is ruined

13. LOOK UP AT THE STARS

*deep breath bc I love this song so much* ok so I read the lil things Spotify had underneath before each song and I cried immediately when I just READ that it was for the fans and then listening to it in that light just killed me. ALSO if you saw his insta live last night he was literally like “look up at the stars!! remember that one!!” and now I'm like OK THANKS. Anyways, It is so soft and fuck it’s so meaningful. This is one of my favorites for sure. It’s literally like he’s sending you away from the concert and this would be such a good closing song (I know it won’t be but I can dream). I’m crying again but “I'm not going to let you down”??? PLEASE I JUST. Calling us angels!! I’LL NEVER BE ALONE Y’ALL I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS TOO MUCH. Never Be Alone has very much turned into our song with Shawn as his way to be like hey I’m always here so YOU’LL never be alone, and now here he is saying because YOU ALL are here I am never going to be alone. AND FUCK IT HITS DIFFERENT. AND SPENDING THE NIGHT IN WONDERLAND WITH YOU!!!! God I’m just a puddle after this one

the streetlights are all saying your name, they always say your name

14. CAN’T IMAGINE

he wrote this on his own and yes I'm emotional about it. I don’t think he’s released a song he’s written on his own since handwritten revisited??? (correct me if I'm wrong) but even that alone is enough for me to know he’s getting way more confident in his music. I think it’s a really good closing because it’s so soft and acoustic and very true to him as he started. The raspiness and realness of it even with the lil thing he says at the end. AGAIN, why tf have I not felt a love like this yet??? Of course, I’m just going to not think of it romantically but just having those people where you can’t even begin to even think about what your life would be like without them. Like I think the lack of descriptors is actually really powerful because like...he can’t imagine it, he can’t explain it so let me just tell you that I genuinely don’t know what would happen if you weren’t here. It closes out the album perfectly (not many lyrics to pick from here lmao)

Without you, all things right would feel so wrong

OVERALL - I honestly really like it there are a bunch of songs I can see myself listening to for a WHILE but there are a few that I'm very eh on as well. I really like the sound of it and the production and just the ~feel~ of the whole album

TOP 3

1. 305

2. Look Up At The Stars

3. 24 Hours

Honorary mentions: Dream and Teach Me How To Love

#me #sm #dani listens to wonder #Shawn mendes #wonder #Shawn Mendes wonder

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bobasheebaby · 4 years

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100 Boy Meets World Prompts

Cory

1 “And I just want to ask one thing: What's this?” “No, NAME, we were just --“ “Undapants!”

2 “They want you to take the rolls!”

3 “Please pay at the register, honey. And tipping is not a city in China.”

4 “NAME, you're trying to seduce me.”

5 “No, I don't get hit by a bus.” “Why not?” “Because I use the crosswalks, I memorize the bus schedules, and if I've got a husband/wife like NAME, I ain't leavin' the house.”

6 “NAME, just face it, you're afraid to make a commitment.” “I'm not afraid to make a commit -- I've been with NAME for fifteen years!” “Ah, they've been good years.”

7 “Wait, is this you or NAME talking?” “He/She decided we're one person.”

8 “This is raw, hot, unfiltered passion, and that kiss opened the gates.” “There are no gates.” “Oh, there's gates.”

9 “You were one of those kids that enjoy getting spanked, weren't you?” “I always deserved it.”

10 “But I've never failed before.” “There's a first time for everything.” “That argument doesn't get you anywhere with him/her.”

11 “You're not my father/mother, NAME.” “If I were your father/mother, I'd spank you, NAME. Because that's what you deserve. A big spanking! Now take down your pants.

12 “How could you possibly get into this much trouble in one day?” “It didn't take me the whole day.”

13 “It's us against him/her. Living on the edge, babe.” “I like when you call me babe.”

14 “Maybe I'm dreaming. Pinch me! ... Not on the butt.” “Sorry, it was just right there.”

15 “Gee, NAME, I'm looking around the room trying to see if anyone asked your opinion. I don't see anyone. Is anyone? No?”

16 “Did you hear how I referred to myself in the third person for emphasis?” “I thought that was a nice touch.” “NAME did too.”

17 “Finally someone understands my particular genuis.”

18 “First of all, there is a Whipped Magazine. I didn't subscribe; somehow they found me.”

19 “You know, you're a very sexy boy/girl, NAME.” “Really? I'm a sexy boy/girl. Thanks. I can't wait to tell NAME.”

20 “I'm in! Those idiots let me in.”

21 “Well I am shocked and dismayed.” “Well now you can't be both. You be shocked, I'll be dismayed.”

22 “Wear something of mine. What do you want, a jacket or a hat?” “A jacket. I'm very prone to hat head. Sometimes I get it without even wearing a hat.”

23 “So how was your weekend?” “Ah, one of the all time greats. I slept in, I watched TV, I played video games. And Sunday I took it easy.”

24 “I'm supposed to see other people. You're supposed to wait until I die.”

25 “This is so great. I wish NAME was here.”

Shawn

26 “Use a mirror, babe.”

27 “You know, NAME, NAME said something interesting before that got me thinking.” “Wait a minute. NAME got you thinking?” “He/She seemed well rested.”

28 “You listened to NAME.” “Oh my God, I listened to NAME.”

29 “I mean, NAME, you're much cooler than I am. At least I thought you were.” “Trust me, I am.”

30 “Hey, if I had things my way, NAME would walk in the day after the honeymoon and have the whole thing annulled.”

31 “You know, I'd give up on them but I don't think they'd notice.” “What?”

32 “He’s/She's your ex. Let me spell that for you, X.”

33 “Please get out and don't ever come back.”

34 “Yeah, so it's like you're a couple and we're a couple, and we're exactly the same except that --“ “You're married and we're happy.”

35 “Well what kind of stupid thing was it for you to care whether I put you back together again? What are you, Humpty Dumpty?”

36 “I hate myself.” “You're not alone.”

37 “NAME, his/her lover.” “Oh, very tasteful honey. Did you hear that, NAME?” “NAME, his/her lover.” “Oh, shut up Yoko.”

38 “You're a disgrace to the entire back row.”

39 “You don't think I'm a geek?” “Of course not.” “You think I'm cool?” “Of course not.”

40 “You're thinking too much. Do what I do, don't think.”

41 “You sure that's three cheeses? Because I only see two. Where's the Gouda, pal?”

42 “Don't move. Maybe he/she doesn't see us.

43 “Oh, man, I gotta do something now. Think.” “You gotta think, NAME.” “Ow.” “Thinking cramp?” “Yeah.” “I get those, too.”

44 “Look, NAME, I've been doing some thinking. Ow!”

45 “We have to come up with a plan.” “You know that's so crazy it just may work.” “What may work?” “The plan.” “I didn't tell you what it was.” “That way they can't get it out of me.” “Get what out of you?” “Nice try.”

Topanga

46 “We've waited for this moment all our lives. What are you thinking?” “I can't believe NAME’s not here.” “I love you too.”

47 “NAME!” “Oh, no.” “Oh, don't you run away from me, you old goat.”

48 “NAME. My dear little butt-head. May I call you butt-head?” “Sure.”

49 “I don't want to offend any one and my family's feelings are the most important thing to me. But if she thought I was getting married in that freaking monstrosity, she must have been hitting the sauce.”

50 “Have you looked at him/her?” “Okay, so he’s/she's pretty, he’s/she's tall, he/she drives a new red convertible. Oh heck, I'd go out with him/her.”

51 “NAME, you transparent moron. If you sigh one more time, I'm going to give you something to sigh about.”

52 “You know I could take you.” “You don't want to dance with me, boy/girl.” “You don't see me running, do you?” “Bring it on, NAME.” “It's on.”

53 “That's it. That's it, I've had it! I don't want to put the Sweet & Lo in my purse.”

Eric

54 “Hey, little bro/sis. Life's tough, get a helmet.”

55 “So I said to myself, NOT THEIR NAME --“ “NOT THEIR NAME?” “That's what I call myself.”

56 “I'll do it. I'm the oldest.” “Actually, I'm the oldest.” “Yeah, but I've lived the longest.”

57 “I don't know what's going to happen to me. But I know I'm gonna be a good person who cares about people. And I blame you for that.”

58 “I sort of thought you guys would keep my room the way it is.” “Actually, NICKNAME, for that I think you have to be unexpectedly killed by a truck or something.”

59 “What are you going to do when your hair grows back?” “It's not going to grow back. I got my receipt!”

60 “I'm dead.” “I'm dead.” “I'll get as sick as you can get without actually dying.”

61 “NAME, one word: You're with me.”

62 “NAME, I think he’s/she's a witch. And not a good witch like Glinda, a bad witch like with the monkeys.”

63 “NAME, what are you doing to me? We had a deal. You and FRIEND are so perfect for each other you should be married!” “I'm not ready.”

64 “Oh, look at that. You wobble like a weeble!”

65 “Don't you see what you're going through? This is your middle east crisis.” “Middle age crisis.”

66 “Of all the nights to fight, I mean Halloween, this is the one holiday that's supposed to bring loved ones together.”

67 “How can I let it go when it haunts my very thought?”

68 “By the way, that last paper you wrote, I couldn't stop thinking about it.” “That's because it was smut! ‘My lips quivered.’ -- it was filth. It was screamy filth.”

69 “You can't do that, NAME.” “Why are you calling me NAME?” “Because that's your human name.”

70 “Stay out of this, NAME, it's a one man/woman mission. ... Will you help me?”

Mr. Feeny

71 “Don't you mean ‘do well’?” “No, I mean do good.”

72 “You are the worst babysitter that ever lived.” “And your children are the spawn of Satan.”

73 “I was expecting you. Today, tomorrow, yesterday. It was only a matter of time.”

74 “How are we supposed to get home?” “Wait 'til it's dark. Then run, very quickly.”

75 “You're still moving away? Ah, for the love of Mike, stop with the mind games, man.” “You know this is the reason I can't sell my house.”

76 “I know my man/woman.” “It's like we have one brain.” “Yes, well. That's too easy.”

77 “Ho, ho. Is that the stupid idea train coming 'round the bend?”

78 “Oh, I think you're much more stupid than you give yourselves credit for.”

79 “Well, since you're not set on a name for the baby, I, myself, have always been partial to THEIR NAME.”

80 “I'm not responsible for Dream THEIR NAME!”

81 “For years I've seen you give advice to everybody, but never me. Why is that?!” “You don't ask.”

82 “The guy on our couch eating our beer nuts.” “Mmm, nutty.”

83 “Wait a minute. Maybe we should all just think for a second.” “No, NAME and I tried that. It doesn't work.”

Jack

84 “You don't know what it's like to live here, man. You don't.” “Why do you stay?” “Because ... he’s/she's my friend. Because I like him/her. And no matter what crazy things he/she says or does, I still like him/her. God help me I still like him/her.”

85 “You know, NAME, I'm having trouble opening this jar.” “That's because it's a can.”

86 “I can't be poor. I'm too good looking to be poor.”

87 “I would never pay for that shirt.”

88 “He's/She’s too passive. He/She needs to voice his/her opinions more.” “Ooh, NAME, what do you think about that?” “I don't know.”

Angela

89 “You guys are our closest friends, but we are sick and tired of you!”

90 “Because I'd rather give him/her attention for acting normal.” “Oh, honey. We know that's never going to happen.”

91 “Let me ask you this, in all the time you were with NAME, did he ever call out the name S/O NAME?” “No, but he called out the name PERSON ANAME.” “In what context?”

92 “No, I was just a little surprised seeing you here, eating my food, which is mine.” — Rachel

Alan

93 “It's quarter after three. Only creeps and wierdos are up now.” [person c enters]

94 “Anything happens to NAME, I'll kill you.” “You like him/her better than me.” [person a nods]

95 “I have an incomplete future.” “Of course you have an incomplete future. The future's always incomplete. When it's complete, people tend to call it the past.”

96 “You chose FRIEND over your own flesh and blood? You're dead to me.”

Amy

97 “I don't like it when you call him/her an idiot, NAME.” “I didn't call him/her anything.” “Oh, well I guess I must have thought it in my head.”

98 “NAME, we used you as a decoy. We knew you'd be stupid so we used it against you.”

99 “What happened? I used to be good.” “NAME, I say this with love and respect. You were never good.”

100 “We're just asking you to get us off the hook.” “No. This is your hook, you're going to hang there like the worms you are.”

#boy meets world prompts #boy meets world quotes #cory matthews #shawn hunter #eric mattews #topanga lawrence #george feeny #writing prompts #drabble prompts #dialogue prompts #quaratine sucks and making these keeps my mind busy #i live in covid 19 hell #i love the feeny call #fee hee hee hee heenay

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johns-prince · 4 years

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I have a sort of weird McLennon AU idea: Reincarnated!John

I got the idea from reading this interview with Paul McCartney, where he claims if he had been a girl he could have maybe gone out and fought for John to keep their very close relationship and prevent Yoko from essentially “stealing,” John away.

Then I got to thinking, well, what if, instead, John had been the girl? Which then lead to me connecting it too-- well, what if when John had been killed, on Dec. 8th, a little girl had also been born. Basically, John’s soul being reincarnated as a female.

A little girl born a few hours after John Lennon was assassinated, December 8th, 1980, in a hospital in Liverpool England, named Joan Winifred Stanley. Jo, or JoJo for short.

Now while this girl has John’s soul, heart, mind, and similarities feminized-- Joan is still an individual, with her own childhood and memories-- who’s growing up in the 80s, and is a lively, young, and lovely teenage girl in the beginning of the 90s. Her favorite rocker is Joan Jett, likes Blondie, Queen, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Bob Marley, Michael Jackson, and has a secret love for Elvis Presley... knows of the Beatles, but only see’s the band and their music as “alright, sort of antwacky.” though her mom fancies them.

Joan has fiery auburn colored hair which reaches some past her shoulders, wavy and thick, can often be a big birds nest of a mess. Milk chocolate brown eyes that appear to have specks of amber when the sunlight hits them; while softened with heavy lashes, are burning and alert, a glare could possibly kill someone. Poor eyesight, hates wearing her glasses because she thinks they make her look like a total lame.

[reference to what sort of glasswear her eyes required and the style of them]

5′5″, thiccc thighs, perky but rather small breasts, wide hips. Noticeable jawline and chin, though softened with baby fat, high cheekbones, sharp aquiline nose, bottom lip plumper than the top. Top two front teeth are crooked, slightly turned inward. It’s hard for me to describe her hairstyle during the very start of the 90s, so it’s something like this since she is an 80s child and for most of her young teens was in the crowd so;

See now, this is what I have for female John / Joan as far of what her face and hair may look like;

****[It’s still sort of rough, I know, I need to ink her in and then color her before I wanna show the full reference drawing. I honestly want to try and give her a bit more of a wider jawline, or a bit longer of a face-- but again, Joan is still her own person so she can’t look exactly like John, of course]

Sagittarius[John was a Libra], smoker of Luckies, musically inclined [perhaps sounds like a mix of Deborah Harry and Joan Jett? Though more nasally] loves to sing, learned to play acoustic guitar from her mother, and learned to play the harmonica from her grandda [the one good thing he had given to her as their relationship was generally soured since her mother’s parents saw her as nothing more than a bastard child] Could be considered a bit tomboyish but knows how to use her feminine wiles to manipulate, humiliate, and get what she wants. Tries not to be a horrible rebel as she hates to disappoint and stress out her mother, but can be a wild child and has a bit of an issue with authority and respecting rules and requests she deems unnecessarily stupid. Single child raised under a single mother as her father was never in the picture, and while her mothers’ parents were around they barely helped, so they lived in the manner of “we manage.” Coming from Liverpool, and in the poor-working class of society, her mannerisms of speaking are indeed Scouse.

Hot tempered, jealous/possessive of close friends and crush/lover, quick wit and sharp tongued, masks hurt with indifference and practically ghosting someone til she gets over it or they apologize adequately. Wants to love and own people, but does NOT want to be owned or tied down as it makes her feel caged. Freedom of self is incredibly important to her, and feeling like she’s losing it can cause her to act out and lash out.

Now, in the early 1990s, I believe Paul is around the age of 49/50. This might be just me projecting, but that makes Paul the legit Daddy in this whole thing, if ya catch my drift. Paul is, in my humble opinion, rather attractive and handsome in his late forties/early fifties. So yeah, silver fox Paul is gonna be a thing.

I have a thing for older men, alright? Let me project just a little bit here in my own AU.

I really haven’t thought much on how these two end up meeting, perhaps they meet during Paul’s World Tour during 1990? Again, Joan knows of the Beatles, and knows of Paul McCartney-- begrudgingly she does like a bit of his music-- but hadn’t the money, nor the greatest of utmost desire as many of her other female friends had, to get into to see him when he stopped in Liverpool. She thought it to be neat, but could live without seeing him.

But fate would lead to the two of them meeting, in probably an unexpected sort of way.

Anyways, right away Paul get’s this extremely strange vibe from this girl, this girl who watches him, squinting up at him, with such interest-- and despite being a well known [legendary] and talented musician, and veteran of the music industry, he suddenly feels like he’s been thrown back to the very first day he’d met the scruffy and polar opposite, John Lennon. He finds himself wanting to impress this young bird, because he feels as if despite all his credentials, they mean nothing at this very moment, and he’s stupidly nervous around some girl he had just happened to bump into [because she’s a young bird perhaps?? with burning brown eyes and a quirked, teasing mouth that reminded him of someone???], and it’s like being back to square one of having to prove himself, of his talent and passion, and in the end, the two appear to be sizing each other up, circling like predators do with prey. It’s a painful comparison when he realizes it, realizes how far this whole interaction threw him back, back into memories and feelings he had long since tried to bury, as not cry and mourn over each day.

It’s her who tries to end the first encounter, because she also gets this awfully weird aura from this old rock n’ roller, but she has no memories to connect it too. It leaves her feeling frustrated, because she really can’t find any rhyme or reason to why she feels this way, why she feels that this isn’t their first time interacting. Despite being an older man, she can’t help but think he looks rather good, and while she can’t put her finger on it again, she thinks that if Elvis had lived to be a bit older, he’d look something like this McCartney fellow. And while she tries to hide it, act indifferent and barely moved that she’s talking to the Paul McCartney, she does feel a bit starstruck, and so she simply wants to end this and keep it as a personal, favorite memory that she may recount to her friends and mother, who’ll probably think she’s just bullshittin’.

But when she attempts to leave, again this McCartney man, who insists that she call him Paul, catches her attention with a light grasp of her arm and stops her instantly. He’s quick to drop the hand the moment she whips her head around, shooting daggers at where he had touched her, then to staring right into his eyes. Paul isn’t sure why he’s doing this, why he feels like he needs to see this girl again, but as an excuse, he claims that it’s been awhile since he’s been back in Liverpool, and so, perhaps-- perhaps she could be the one to show him about. It’s a pitiful attempt of avoiding that he simply wants to meet up with this girl again-- and Joan rolls her eyes and breathes out an amused laugh at such a poor front.

“Aren't I a blind bit too young fe you?” Joan would say, and while the words are obviously a dig, a tease, Paul can’t help but feel as if she had slapped him, his face growing hot and red. Tries to explain, sputtering, almost insulted, that “No-- I mean, yes, I mean, I am not--” and Joan, at first with a relatively flat expression, raises an eyebrow and slowly a smirk begins to form as she watches Paul, the Paul McCartney, fluster and stutter about like the awkward teen boys she knows and have shot down. “Am jus’ skitt'n,” Joan would give in with smile and a laugh, that caused Paul goosebumps and his stomach to lurch, because while softer and higher pitched, reminded him of someone, someone once closer than close.

“A’rite Sir Paul, I'll indulge you.” and so, while she reasons it’s to just be nice this old rocker who probably hasn’t seen a young groupie in some time, she makes it appear she’s writing down her address or phone number on his hand-- and before she makes her get away, Paul would point out she hadn’t officially given her name to him-- “No manners these kids,” Paul might tease, and the auburn haired girl, with a smile that reached her eyes and showcased her nearly straight pearlies, told him her name was Joan, Joan Winifred Stanley, to be precise. Without giving him a chance to respond to it, she bid him farewell with a playful two fingered salute-- and for a breathless moment, Paul swore he had seen John there, just for a split second.

When he finally gets himself grounded and doesn’t feel so hot anymore, he discovers that she hadn’t written her number down, nor even an address-- just simply a street name; Menlove Avenue. If he’s so interested in continuing their little encounter, he could just go up and down the street, was her reasoning. She didn’t believe he’d go through such trouble to find her again-- anyway, he’s touring, and he has a wife and kids. Weird for a man his age to want to what, make friends with a barely 18 year old bird from old dingy Liverpool? A nobody, Joan would think, almost bitterly.

I’m still putting a lot of thought into this AU, so a lot of things can change and such, especially the idea behind how Joan/John and Paul meet and begin to interact more regularly, how their relationship starts and builds and grows and changes, and of course how it might end [I’m fiddling with the idea that Joan ends up dying too, but that’s a bit too angst-y for me to really focus on so]

Of course because I’m a fucking degenerate, I would like to have a moment where the two do end up having an intense affair-- though it’s just sensitive because, despite being not real at all, I want to give some respect to Linda and his kids around that time too, because I know Paul loves them dearly. So this AU is obviously full of fucking angst-y and complication and slow burn and miscommunication.

I can’t even have my cake and eat it too in my OWN FUCKING AU. Typical.

And yeah, there’s gonna be a noticeable age-gap in this AU, so if that’s not your thing, then that’s fine. There is gonna be a lot of coming of age shit attached to that, a bit of daddy kink, Joan having obvious daddy issues [John most likely had legit mommy issues let’s be real], first times, you name it.

In the AU, Paul is slowly going to come to the outlandish idea/theory that this girl is John, or at least John’s soul reincarnated. He can’t help it-- she reminds him of John too much, it’s eerie how alike the two are that they might as well be the same person. Paul knows he must be crazy for thinking it, and hates it because it makes him feel as if he’s gone completely obsessed over John, the idea of John still being here with him.

I will include an appearance from George and Ringo, with maybe Ringo trying to tell Paul that perhaps this is his way of handling the absence of John, and Paul, trying to justify himself, partially agrees. George ends up meeting this girl, and can’t help but agree that Paul may be right, just maybe, because even George can’t deny this girl reminds him of John too, and gives off this aura that is unmistakably John. Ringo thinks both of them are daft sods, but when Ringo meets Joan, he also finds himself seeing John in her-- though Ringo never voices it. But George is careful to not agree with Paul out loud, worried it might encourage Paul in an unhealthy and potentially dangerous way.

That is, will Paul confront Joan about this and finally tell her that he believes she is John reincarnated? Paul wants too, he wants to tell her, but he’s not stupid, he knows it would probably freak the girl out and cause their budding relationship to instantly crumble and die. But whenever Paul talks about John to her once they’ve gotten close enough that he’s comfortable to divulge such intimate stories and memories about his best mate, Joan’s face would become pensive, almost a far-away look in her eyes, and would begin to comment on how she swears she’s heard these stories before, or that something even similar had happened to her to which had happened to John [even though many of the stories are personal, and kept rather private, so how would she know???]

But Joan would simply shrug off those feelings of Deja Vu, laugh and shake her head, and just move on. She didn’t like getting those feelings, like she should have memory of something but just doesn’t.

Excerpts from a fanfic I’ll never write:

It’s a mess, really. Paul falling for this young lively bird with a mean wit and soft lips and squinting eyes that desperately needed glasses, which still managed to observe and could kill someone in the heat of an argument. A girl with auburn hair that tickled his cheeks whenever they’d hug, a girl with a memorable nose, a girl who smelt of ciggies and Liverpool and vanilla and home. “You’ve got kaleidoscope eyes,” Paul would try one afternoon, sounding like a young awkward teen again trying to impress a young but experienced girl. Joan would turn those fiery eyes to him, squinting, turning to an unimpressed glower that didn’t match the flustered smile. “Sod off, old man,” Joan would reply, snubbing him as she would do, though the smile still betrayed her.

Paul would fall, fall and fall, like Alice, except there would be no floor to catch him. He would fall for Joan, because he fell for John. It’s a mess, really-- because as things escalated, Paul’s love for Joan and John began to blend and blur, and it was bad because who did Paul really love? Joan, the wild young thing who could tear him down just as easily as build him up in the same sentence and look, or John-- who could do the same but ten times over, and had. Joan though, Joan was putting pieces back together that he had tried to bury long ago, pieces that John had left the day of December 8th.

“I’m not John,” Joan would say, blunt and straight, cigarette clenched between her teeth. Paul feeling as if the air had been sucked out of his lungs, sweat breaking out on the back of his neck. “I’m Joan,” she’d continue mercilessly, taking a long drag of the fag before ripping it from between her lips, smoke swirling out between the cruel words of reality. “I’m not some catalyst for your best mate, for whatever you and him had.” Joan’s young face twisted angrily, her eyes filled with dark hurt as she glared at the old rock and roller before her. For a second, Paul saw John again, John with his sneer and his burning glare and his words of knives that dared Paul to say something back, to engage him in war. It made Paul sick, all of it. He opened his mouth to argue, to protest what she was saying, what she was claiming has been happening all these months. But he can’t, because it’s true, it’s all true, and it burns his insides up. “You love John, and, and I’m not John,” she’d say, voice cracking as she can’t hide the hurt that comes from finally speaking these truths, bringing them to the light. Her face looks broken, tears threatening to break just as her voice had-- cigarette forgotten between two delicate fingers.

When Paul could find his voice, all that could be said was the girl’s name, soft and almost like a plea; “Joan.” “Don’t,” she’d bite back like a cornered animal, lip curling in disgust from just hearing her name come from those lips that had practically seared marks along her body. But Paul didn’t, he couldn’t stop, he’d still try-- tried reaching out towards her, a hand going to grasp at her free hand by her side, but all he got was grazing the tips of his fingers to the back of hers before she whipped her hand away, body following the violent motion as she stepped back, away. Those eyes, it’s like she wanted to kill him, especially as that had broken the dam and now her cheeks were wet and she was trying not to hyperventilate and finally she dropped the cigarette as her hands began to quiver. “I don’t want to hold your hand anymore! don’t you get it?” she might as well have slapped him, stabbed him, but Paul truly believed those things would have hurt less than what she had just said to him.

Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read all this bullshit lol I’m really invested in this AU, and so expect more of it. I will be posting the full drawing of Joan once it’s finished, or I can’t bring myself to work on it anymore and thus claim it’s finished to the best of my abilities lol

#mclennon #mclennon au #mclennon fic idea #I've put both too much and no thought into this #this is long so brace yourselves #reincarnated au

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sartorialatlantan · 4 years

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Silver Lining and A Brief Backstory

Whether you’re an optimist or not, anyone, even if only in hindsight, can see the silver lining of a bad situation, circumstance or series of events. When I was 20 years old I ended a three-year relationship with my first serious girlfriend. We had met at 17 or so and it was your classic teenage love story. We were young and foolish and led by a shared faith in evangelical Christianity that I would eventually and happily abandon. We had convinced each other and ourselves that it was ordained by god that we came together and that when the time was right we would get married. To add insult to injury we told nearly everyone we knew about our plans at all of 18 years old, so naturally the sting of embarrassment came with the sting of separation. I don’t need to, nor do I care to go into details of our breakup or what brought it about, but this tiny bit of back-story is crucial to understand the silver lining that would follow. Now that I’m saying it out loud, to call what followed a silver lining doesn’t even really cut the mustard, what followed was the absolute best thing that’s ever happened to me.

It’s safe to assume that anyone reading this has been through a breakup, maybe even safe to assume a bad one or two. We all know how down in the dumps, miserable and depressed and isolated and totally alone you feel when you separate from someone you were literally saying, “I love you” to not one day ago. It’s an awful place to be, whether you’re 20 or 35 or 50 etc. it’s just plain awful. And I imagine it’s existentially worse the older you get because of the looming fear that you’ll be too old to meet someone else before the clock stops. While that may be true at 78, the irrational brain of an 18 or 20 year old will tell them the same thing. So in the wake of my adolescent breakup I drank, a lot. I took up smoking and heavy drinking and gave up on the idea of partnering with someone ever again. Some of this ridiculous thinking goes back to the Christian thing, and apologies now if you take offense so some of what I say about that faith. When you’re 20, and for the last 3-4 to years you not only thought, but believed at your bible thumping core that you were paired with someone else by gods own hand and it ends, well to put it plainly you A. start doubting that there even is a god or B. find it impossible to understand why god would start something and end it. Now in hindsight, it’s really a mixture of A and B and I also now realize that if god is real, his most famous creation to date (us) has a beginning and an ending. It’s also very easy to religiously rationalize everything to fit your made up narrative, kind of like biblically cherry picking in reverse.

I’m not going to go into my exiting the church and Christian faith altogether, that would be too far removed from the topic at hand, but I will say that when I left it, and truly let go of it mentally, it was the most calming and freeing feeling I had had at that point. All it took was squarely asking myself, practically in a mirror, “do your really believe in this, do you REALLY believe in ANY of this?” When I answered “no” I felt a combination of grief and relief; on the one hand I was letting go of what had been the norm to that point and on the other I was free from what rabbi’s refer too as “a wrestling match with god”, and that freedom felt better than any made-up wave of holy spirit baptism ever had. Bottom line, if you’re an evangelical and truly believe that you have a private, gibberish love language with god, don’t mock what the Mormons believe, it’s just as ridiculous. I knew too many Christians in those days who couldn’t see that irony. Some still can’t.

Now back to the story. There I was broken hearted and feeling like life was over at 20, it was time to grow a beard and become a wandering nomad. Maybe I’ll get a motorcycle and seek out an outlaw gang and just ride til' I die. Maybe I’ll head up the east coast and get a job on a boat out of New England. Really all of my ideas involved my look first, and occupation second. Anything involving hand tattoos and a long matted beard would’ve sufficed. But then, some time passed and I would eventually turn 21, which opened up a whole new world, the bar scene. Now, still in the throws of depression, single and not loving it, I proceeded to the bar scene with a new drinking friend named Will in the East Atlanta Village. We drank and socialized all over the village, almost every night too, to excess. We were not, living, laughing or loving as the girls touting faux happiness, post break-up say in their Facebook statuses. There was the Graveyard Tavern, a very large dive bar with something akin to a dance floor and a pool table area. Then the Glenwood that at the time had a horror/cult movie theme down to movie posters laminated under the tabletops. There was My Sisters Room and Mary’s, a lesbian bar and gay bar, separated by a side street and Grant Park Pizza. Then you came to the 5 Spot, which was a dive bar and punk music venue, then across the street from there was the Flatiron, which was the shape you’re picturing. It sat below 13 Roses Tattoo, which for that era in my opinion was the best shop in town. If you took a hard left from there you could walk up to The Earl, a dive bar with pretty damn good food and a solid standing room only music venue in back. And lastly across from there was The East Side Lounge, the perfect spot if you wanted to do cocaine while watching Predator 2 on the TV over the bar. I never did cocaine, but everyone in town knew that’s where you went to score some, or to watch Predator 2 while drinking $2 PBR on draught.

This little village was our spot for nearly a full calendar year, Will and I rarely took anyone else along, because no on else was as equally miserable as us and who needs positive company when you’re binging cheap beer pitchers and smoking a whole pack of cigarettes in one night? Now, to be clear, it was always to the two of us but we were making the attempt, occasionally, to meet women. 20 something, tattooed, smoking, drinking, most likely cocaine doing, women who were 100% not interested; we were suburb boys and you could practically smell it on us, and these were city chicks, with sleeve tattoos, hidden piercings and a palpable hate for their fathers. Maybe I’m adding that last part for effect, but you get the idea. Now that said, in that time span I did manage to meet and get to know a girl or two, I think Will did too but nothing ever really stuck.

Now I’m going to back up, but keep in mind this was all happening by night, most nights of the week, but by day I was still working at the same place I am now, didn’t love it then still not crazy about it today, but that’s a whole other topic. Some days after work, before Will and I would venture to East Atlanta I would go meet up with this piano player I had been introduced to by a former band mate who needed a guitar player capable of on-the-fly melodic riffs to accent his songs. In the band I had been in before, that was literally all I did, so we were a good fit. He would play his latest song for me a few times through headphones and then I’d start “noodling” as they say until I landed on some solid melodic hooks to overlay on what he had already recorded. We had a solid system, and he paid me in pizza and beer and we could smoke cigarettes in the studio. Just for a brief tangent, you have to smoke inside in these situations. If you and your fellow musicians are trying to accomplish something in the studio, but you’re walking outside every 20 minutes to have a dart you’ll never get anything done. So I would listen and noodle and drink and smoke and eventually eat. Once I tapped into a riff he liked we’d build on it together, shape it, shorten it, lengthen it, whatever it needed, then we’d lay it down and repeat. This was a regular thing for me a couple times a week. It went like this, get up, go to work, leave, go home grab my gear, head to the garage studio, record, smoke, eat, drink, leave, drop off the gear, grab Will, and be in the Village by 10pm or so. Then we’d stay til' last call, go home, shower, sleep, wake up, repeat. If you’re doing the math, yes I was driving most of the time, it was stupid and reckless and I’m not proud of it and it was over a decade ago lets just leave it at that and drop it. There’s no one to make amends to for anything from those days, other than a few girls that I probably drunkenly intimidated buy hitting on them too much. Anyways, this was the pattern for the better part of 20 to 21. Now, cut back to my Jesus-y girlfriend from the beginning of the story. To the best of my knowledge she was off in a new circle of friends, living and laughing and loving and meeting new people and I knew for a fact she was dating around. Through this new circle of friends she would eventually meet Kristen, and if you know me, then you know my wife’s name is Kristen, yes the very same Kristen. Kristen was 26 at the time, recently divorced from a total dipshit, we’ll leave it at that, and she too was socializing with a new circle of friends.

To help you keep up with the wild web of who begat who, at this point in time, if I hadn’t separated with my girlfriend when I did a year prior, she wouldn’t have started dating who she did and met the string of people who would eventually introduce her to Kristen, my wife today. Now, for her privacy I won’t name my high school girlfriend so for the story we’ll call her Jane. Jane and Kristen and a large circle of churchy band kids all became friends, though only briefly. Kristen being newly single was introduced to some guys via this circle and Jane specifically introduced her to guy named Steven, possibly to date, though I don’t think they ever did. That said, Kristen and Steven formed a friendship and Kristen soon after parted ways with Jane and the churchy band kids because they were all just A. a little too Jesus-y and B. more than immature to say the least. Now I was peripherally aware of a lot of this via Facebook, doing the creepy ex thing. I didn’t know Kristen, but I had seen her in some photos and she had a killer Audrey Hepburn ribcage tattoo, still does obviously.

So, Kristen and Steven are friendly and attend some of the same bars and house parties and she’s out in the world dating and doing her thing. Kristen would eventually meet Steven’s newest girlfriend, Amy. Amy and Kristen became fast friends and were practically joined at the hip. Kristen and Amy were partying, dive bar hopping, nightclub dancing best friends. Meanwhile, just to take you back to my reality at the same time, I was grumpy binge drinking with Will somewhere in the East Atlanta Village. Now, here’s where it gets fun. Amy has a brother named Chad, who at that time was in a band, Chad worked at a little café/bar with a certain piano player, yes, you guessed it, the one I was working with that year. Now through this maze of people Kristen would eventually meet the same piano player and it would be an understatment to say she was into him. One night I’m in the studio with him and we’re sort of half working, half chatting and he starts telling me about this girl he’s kind of seeing and her Audrey Hepburn tattoo. It was one of those small world funny moments, because I knew who he was talking about from my Facebook stalking, and I knew she was hot, no naturally I was envious. Some time later, he would invite me and Will and Kristen and Amy to watch a band play at the previously mentioned Earl in the East Atlanta Village, I knew it well. This is where I would meet Kristen and where our relationship would ultimately begin. I could write another 6 dozen paragraphs on our early dating relationship and how it all went and maybe I will at some point, but the point of this very long-winded essay is about the silver linings of a bad situation. Now to call this love story and how I would eventually meet my wife that I would have two beautiful and amazing daughters with a silver lining to a high school breakup would be borderline insulting. But realize, at 21, now nearly 22, I was still miserable and alone and thought I would be forever. Then along comes Kristen. Now to recap, I split with Jane, became a miserable person while Kristen was divorcing her first husband from college that she really only married to piss off her parents. Kristen would eventually meet Jane, who would introduce her to Steven, who introduced her to Amy who introduced her to the piano player, who she was infatuated with for a brief moment, who introduced her to me. We’re separated by 6 years in terms of age, come from completely different backgrounds and other than this small cluster of people, had no one in common between us. In a very long-winded, round about way, I owe my heartbreaking high school girlfriend a thank you. I had to experience a terrible breakup, the kind where you don’t ever talk again, go through a shitty, drunken, depressing year and ultimately give up on having any semblance of a happy life to meet my wife, and everything changed after that. I didn’t go to college, I had a small circle of friends and most of them avoided the city. It took this wild culmination of events and people I’ve never met to bring Kristen and I together.

You might be saying that story’s not all that compelling, things like that happen all the time, and you’re not entirely wrong, but that said, I still think there’s something special about it.

The year 2020 has shown me a lot about myself. Once quarantine started I quickly learned how unimportant clothes were. Take a moment to catch your breath. I still love tailoring and will absolutely wear dress clothes again, but when you’re staring down a pandemic, drape and tie space just become less of a concern and are quickly replaced with stocking up of frozen goods and day drinking. I’ve spent the majority of 2020 in Vans and golf polo’s, and I don’t hate it. In this time I’ve found a new passion for the game of golf, I’ve cooked new things, in the early days of lock down I got creative with my photography in ways that wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been home all day. I don’t think any of us knows when this nonsense will be over, 2020 might be entirely wrapped in Covid and it might even bleed into 2021, and by then, most of the world might’ve had it. I know that I don’t want it, and if I am to get it I hope to the god I don’t believe in that it’s mild.

When your 6 year old asks if you’re going to be alive when they’re a grown up in the middle of a pandemic it stings, because the reality is I can’t promise her I’ll be alive tomorrow, let alone 20 years from now, so I lie. And when you lie like that to a child you lie big, I tell her I’ll always be alive, that way we snuff out all worry in her little 6-year-old mind, because those wheels are constantly turning. I was burdened with the reality of death at 4 years old, seeing my 19-year-old cousin dead in a coffin after a motorcycle accident. I will shield the reality of death from my kids as long as possible. Life’s stressful enough already, no reason to start the trauma early. I blame that funeral at 4 almost entirely on my hypochondria. I’m that guy, who feels a leg pain and assumes it’s a blood clot bound for my heart. A pain or weird feeling in my side must be cancer. Naturally the rise of Covid has not been kind to this sick part of my brain. As I write I feel funny, the way you feel when you sleep too long and your limbs feel numb, I’m also hoarse from over doing it with a vaporizer recently trying to relax with a little THC. So naturally the weird feelings and throat tickle are Covid in my mind. If you don’t have anxiety, count yourself lucky.

The thing I keep trying to remind myself of is that it won’t last forever. Time literally fixes everything. It took time to get over being broken up with at 20 and even more time for the stars to align and bring Kristen and I together. It will take time for Covid to sweep the world and end and time further still for the powers that be to develop a safe vaccine. It will take time for society to feel comfortable going out mask-less again; it will take time for supermarkets to feel safe enough to take down all the plexi-glass at the checkout. It will all take time and in the end, if we’re lucky, we’ll see the silver linings that came out of it. New interests, new jobs, new relationships, etc. If I hadn’t found my passion for menswear I would not have eventually reignited my passion for photography. If the quarantine hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have done all the self-portraits I did that ultimately inspired a Hunter S. Thompson theme that lead to my newfound love and interest in golf. The new interest in golf led to new ways to spend time and bond with my in laws and my own family. It’s also the first form of physical activity I’ve done in nearly a decade; all good things.

The only thing I’ve never really been able to draw a connect-the-dots of positively around is my job. I’ve done the same thing for 13 years and I’ve never liked it. It has afforded me the opportunity to do things at times, and the schedule has always been flexible around my personally needs, but I’ve never really liked being here. As I write I’m sitting in an office that I’d rather not be in. If I were single and not a parent I would've left long ago. But the stability of this place and the paycheck keep me here. I’d much rather be taking photos for brands, submitting to publications etc. but there’s way to much financial risk in that. The time for that kind of seat-of-your-pants living is in your 20’s, when you’re a renter with no kids. If I could take photos, write, travel, golf, eat and drink for a living you‘d never hear a complaint. Kristen and I often talk about what we’d do with millions to distract ourselves from what we don’t have, and the stress of the day. She works in a very unforgiving retail environment, more unforgiving now with a pandemic on the rise again in our state. I work in print, for my father. A dying industry with a parent as my superior, what could possibly go wrong? We get along 9 days out of 10, but day 10 is always noteworthy. We bend over backwards for our customers, though I don’ think they care. We once had a 20 years long client say they were thinking about switching to another printer, just to shake things up. This after 20 years of late shifts, miracle timing and total and complete ass kissing. That day I learned, that quality service only matters to a select few, the rest just want to see the bill.

So that’s 2020 so far, new interests popping up, old interests taking a back seat, looking to the past to see the greatness that came out of dark times, hoping the future is as bright as today is, compared to the depths of despair I found myself in at 20. Still thinking there is no god but hopeful for an afterlife of some kind, wondering if there is a god why he’s letting old people who literally hang his picture in their dining rooms suffocate from a wet market virus that our leadership dubbed a hoax in the beginning…I will not go on a political tangent... By the time 2020 wraps I hope to be alive and well, I hope that everyone I know is alive and well too. I hope that Kristen finally lands herself a job in UX, she graduated from her UX academy in March and so naturally the job market has been slim pickings. Beyond that, I hope to find myself doing something other than what I do now at some point. When I dwell for too long about how many hours of my life I’ve spent folding booklets for people who are ultimately going to throw them away I feel myself reaching for the bottle. Bottom line, things aren’t great now, but I hope they get better. The funny thing about that is, according to Buddhists, it’s the act of wanting something, which causes suffering in the first place. So maybe the answer for the shit storm we’re all in today lie’s in the Buddhist teachings. I’m not about to proselytize Buddhism, but what I do know is the first truth as they call it is basically, that “suffering exists” and the second truth is that “desires and ignorance cause the suffering”. So it could be a major over simplification for our current state of affairs, but maybe if we stop wanting a better today and just accept today for what it is, we’ll all suffer a little less. Because whether we’re here for it or not, the sun will rise again and set again. The earth will turn and everything that is happening today will happen again tomorrow. Time fixes everything, and we can’t control it. So pray, meditate, work, golf or buy a motorcycle and head to the nearest New England port and join a boat crew, there’s no telling what kind of crazy we’re all going to wake up to from one day to the next, so to end on a cliché, make the most of today and try focus on the positive, maybe the stars will align and when it all shakes loose, you’ll meet your Kristen.

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inthedayswhenlandswerefew · 5 years

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Queen Lyrics for When You’re Feeling Low

1) “But there’s a heartbeat pulse that keeps on pumping, some sunshine ray through a crack in a shutter, or a sight of a light at the end of a tunnel” (Action This Day, Hot Space)

2) “Gotta face up, better grow up, gotta stand tall and be strong” (All God’s People, Innuendo)

3) “But I’m ready, yes I’m ready for you, I’m standing on my own two feet” (Another One Bites The Dust, The Game)

4) “You stand so tall, you don’t frighten me at all” (Back Chat, Hot Space)

5) “Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see” (Bohemian Rhapsody, A Night At The Opera)

6) “Breakthru, these barriers of pain, breakthru, to the sunshine from the rain” (Breakthru, The Miracle)

7) “Some sleepless nights in wait for you, some foreign presence you feel comes creeping through, some stream of hope the whole world through” (Calling All Girls, Hot Space)

8) “I gotta be cool, relax, get hip, get on my tracks” (Crazy Little Thing Called Love, The Game)

9) “I gotta shape up now, you gotta know why” (Dancer, Hot Space)

10) “Fight your battle but you leave on time” (Dead On Time, Jazz)

11) “Go to sleep and dream again, soon your hopes will rise and then” (Dear Friends, Sheer Heart Attack)

12) “Should be waiting for the sun, looking ‘round to find the words to say, should be waiting for the skies to clear” (Doing All Right, Queen)

13) “Hear what I say, don’t lose your way” (Don’t Lose Your Head, A Kind Of Magic)

14) “Tonight I’m gonna have myself a real good time, I feel alive” (Don’t Stop Me Now, Jazz)

15) “When your problems seem like mountains, you feel the need to find some answers, you can leave them for another day” (Don’t Try So Hard, Innuendo)

16) “Don’t try suicide, nobody’s worth it” (Don’t Try Suicide, The Game)

17) “Don’t destroy what you see, your country to be, just keep building on the ground that’s been won” (Father To Son, Queen II)

18) “Oh, got to get rid of this feeling I’m feeling inside” (Feelings Feelings, News Of The World)

19) “Fight from the inside, you can’t win with your hands tied” (Fight From The Inside, News Of The World)

20) “Don’t look back, don’t look back, it’s a rip-off” (Flick Of The Wrist, Sheer Heart Attack)

21) “When you’re through with life and all hope is lost, hold out your hand, ‘cause friends will be friends right ‘til the end” (Friends Will Be Friends, A Kind Of Magic)

22) “Can’t you tell when we get it down, you’re the one, you’re the best in town” (Fun It, Jazz)

23) “Tomorrow comes, tomorrow brings, tomorrow brings love in the shape of things” (Funny How Love Is, Queen II)

24) “You don’t waste no time at all, don’t hear the bell but you answer the call” (Hammer To Fall, The Works)

25) “Wait for the sunrise and everything will seem so clear” (Hang On In There, The Miracle)

26) “These troubled days of cruel rejection, you come to me, soothe my troubled mind” (Heaven For Everyone, Made In Heaven)

27) “Well I tell you my friend, this might seem like the end, but the continuation is yours for the making” (The Hero, Flash Gordon)

28) “I’m having a hard time, I’m walking a fine line between hope and despair” (I Can’t Live With You, Innuendo)

29) “Gotta find me a future, move out of my way” (I Want It All, The Miracle)

30) “God knows, got to make it on my own” (I Want To Break Free, The Works)

31) “I’m caught in a dream and my dream’s come true” (I Was Born To Love You, Made In Heaven)

32) “Keep your chin up when you’re feeling lonely, don’t let ‘em get you down” (If You Can’t Beat Them, Jazz)

33) “So risky, but I gotta chance it” (In The Lap Of The Gods...Revisited, Sheer Heart Attack)

34) “You can be anything you want to be, just turn yourself into anything you think that you could ever be” (Innuendo, Innuendo)

35) “No one knows what I’ve been through, let my flag unfurl” (The Invisible Man, The Miracle)

36) “Sometimes I feel so sad, so sad, so bad, but no one’s gonna stop me now, no one” (It’s A Beautiful Day, Made In Heaven)

37) “It’s a long hard fight, but I’ll always live for tomorrow” (It’s A Hard Life, The Works)

38) “I’ve been wrong but I’ll learn to be right” (It’s Late, News Of The World)

39) “Life is much too short to while away with tears” (Jealousy, Jazz)

40) “Oh get yourself together, things are looking better every day” (Keep Passing The Open Windows, The Works)

41) “All you people keep yourself alive” (Keep Yourself Alive, Queen)

42) “Now listen, no one stops my party” (Khashoggi’s Ship, The Miracle)

43) “One shaft of light that shows the way” (A Kind Of Magic, A Kind Of Magic)

44) “We’re far apart and I’m growing old, but while we live we’ll meet again” (Las Palabras De Amor, Hot Space)

45) “Cause I’ve made my break and I won’t look back, I’ve turned my back on those endless games” (Leaving Home Ain’t Easy, Jazz)

46) “Why don’t you let me make a brand new start” (Let Me Live, Made In Heaven)

47) “Life is cruel, life is a bitch” (Life Is Real, Hot Space)

48) “I lie in wait with open eyes, I carry on through stormy skies” (Lily Of The Valley, Sheer Heart Attack)

49) “Hurry put your troubles in a suitcase, come let the new child play” (Long Away, A Day At The Races)

50) “Forget regrets and just remember, it’s not so long since you were young” (The Loser In The End, Queen II)

51) “You won’t remember when this is blown over, and everything’s all by the way” (Love Of My Life, A Night At The Opera)

52) “I’m playing my role in history, looking to find my goal, taking in all this misery but giving it all my soul” (Made In Heaven, Made In Heaven)

53) “I’m gonna take a little walk on the wild side, I’m gonna loosen up and get me some gas, I’m gonna get me some action” (Man On The Prowl, The Works)

54) “A voice from behind me reminds me, spread out your wings and you are an angel, remember to deliver with the speed of light a little bit of love and joy” (The March Of The Black Queen, Queen II)

55) “Bring out the charge of the love brigade, there is spring in the air once again” (The Millionaire Waltz, A Day At The Races)

56) “The one thing we’re all waiting for is peace on earth and an end to war” (The Miracle, The Miracle)

57) “Come on, take a shot” (Misfire, Sheer Heart Attack)

58) “Somethin’ harder’s coming up, gonna really knock a hole in the wall, gonna hit ya, grab you hard, make you feel ten feet tall” (Modern Times Rock N’ Roll, Queen)

59) “I’ve walked too long in this lonely lane, I’ve had enough of this same old game” (Mother Love, Made In Heaven)

60) “No I’ll never look back in anger, no I’ll never find me an answer” (Need Your Loving Tonight, The Game)

61) “Please don’t you cry anymore, can’t you see, listen to the breeze, whisper to me please” (Nevermore, Queen II)

62) “Oh oh the night comes down, and I get afraid of losing my way” (The Night Comes Down, Queen)

63) “Just a new man, yes you made me live again” (Now I’m Here, Sheer Heart Attack)

64) “Gimme one night, gimme one hope” (One Vision, A Kind Of Magic)

65) “When your plans go wrong and you turn out the light, but inside of your mind you have to put up a fight” (Pain Is So Close To Pleasure, A Kind Of Magic)

66) “Rest your weary head and let your heart decide” (Play The Game, The Game)

67) “No man could understand, my power is in my own hand” (Princes Of The Universe, A Kind Of Magic)

68) “You had your time, you had the power, you’ve yet to have your finest hour” (Radio Ga Ga, The Works)

69) “Your every day is full of sunshine, but into every life a little rain must fall” (Rain Must Fall, The Miracle)

70) “Sometimes I get so low, I just have to ride” (Ride The Wild Wind, Innuendo)

71) “You got your whole life ahead of you” (Sail Away Sweet Sister, The Game)

72) “The slate will soon be clean, I’ll erase the memories, to start again with somebody new” (Save Me, The Game)

73) “Dancing, what a damn jolly good idea” (Seaside Rendezvous, A Night At The Opera)

74) “By flash and thunder-fire and I’ll survive, then I’ll defy the laws of nature and come out alive” (Seven Seas Of Rhye, Queen II)

75) “And the world will surely heal my ills” (She Makes Me, Sheer Heart Attack)

76) “I guess I’m learning, I must be warmer now, I’ll soon be turning ‘round the corner now, outside the dawn is breaking” (The Show Must Go On, Innuendo)

77) “Today the cloud hangs over us and all is grey, but some day, one day” (Some Day One Day, Queen II)

78) “I’m okay, I’m alright, ain’t gonna face no defeat” (Somebody To Love, A Day At The Races)

79) “Pull yourself together ‘cause you know you should do better, that’s because you’re a free man” (Spread Your Wings, News Of The World)

80) “Don’t lose control just hang on out with me” (Staying Power, Hot Space)

81) “Try my best, be a real individual” (Tenement Funster, Sheer Heart Attack)

82) “The nights grow long, but dreams live on” (Teo Torriatte, A Day At The Races)

83) “Oh my friends, it’s been a long hard year, but now it’s Christmas” (Thank God It’s Christmas, The Works sessions [non-album song])

84) “No use sitting and thinkin’ on what you did, when you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids” (These Are The Days Of Our Lives, Innuendo)

85) “But you know I don’t give a light, I’m gonna make out all right” (Tie Your Mother Down, A Day At The Races)

86) “I feel like no one ever told the truth to me, about growing up and what a struggle it would be” (Too Much Love Will Kill You, Made In Heaven)

87) “Can’t we give ourselves one more chance, why can’t we give love that one more chance” (Under Pressure, Hot Space)

88) “Living breathing rock n’ roll, this never-ending fight, was it all worth it, was it all worth it, yes it was a worthwhile experience” (Was It All Worth It, The Miracle sessions [non-album song])

89) “I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face, but I’ve come through” (We Are The Champions, News Of The World)

90) “Shoutin’ in the street, gonna take on the world someday” (We Will Rock You, News Of The World)

91) “But now I’m the one to decide, who needs, well I don’t need, who needs you” (Who Needs You, News Of The World)

92) “But touch my tears with your lips, touch my world with your fingertips, and we can have forever” (Who Wants To Live Forever, A Kind Of Magic)

93) “A breathtaking scene, with the dreams of the world in the palm of your hand” (A Winter’s Tale, Made In Heaven)

94) “Not tonight, come tomorrow, when everything’s sunny and bright” (You And I, A Day At The Races)

95) “Whenever this world is cruel to me, I got you to help me forgive” (You’re My Best Friend, A Night At The Opera)

#queen #classic rock #queen fandom #borhap fandom #borhap #bohemian rhapsody

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jessejostark · 4 years

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“YOU KNOW, I LOVE HARD”

Jesse Jo Stark. The woman who’s worked with Steve Jones from the Sex Pistols, Duff McKagan from Guns N’ Roses, has Cher as her godmother, her parents as the founders of Chrome Hearts and is friend with Bella Hadid.

She’s the woman who’s worked with Steve Jones from the Sex Pistols, Duff McKagan from Guns N’ Roses, has Cher as her godmother, her parents as the founders of Chrome Hearts and is friend with Bella Hadid. But forget about all those names, she is Jesse Jo Stark, a super talented young woman with the soul of an old lady.

As a singer and songwriter she sings about themes like death and love and she calls her style ‘Horrific Hillbilly’. On 9th May she had her very first gig in Berlin as a support act for The Coathangers at Berlin’s Club Maze, in the cellar of a brick building in Kreuzberg. The gig went on for about 30 minutes and was filled with a lot of energy, Rock ‘n Roll and sex appeal. You could say the stage belonged to her.

The next day we met at the Hotel de Rome, in the centre of Berlin. Surrounded by her cousin, the guitarist of her band and her manager we had some coffee and croissants and chatted about love, life and the successful end to her tour.

LUCAS AVID HÜBNER Thanks for your performances yesterday and thanks for having us!

JESSE JO STARK Thank you!

LAH You said once in an interview that you are always nervous before a concert. How did you feel at your gig yesterday?

JJS I think it was nerve-wracking simply because we had been on tour. So I’m so jet lagged, but which also lends to it, it’s kind of nice to be a little tired, but yeah, I was nervous of course, I was not sure who was coming so I was very excited and it was cool to be opening up for this band. The minute I get on stage I’m fine, it’s just it gets dark so late here I was like ‘I’m all dolled up and it’s bright outside’ so this was kind of funny.

LAH So yesterday was basically your first gig in Berlin?

JJS I’ve been in Berlin once before and I played in a mall, but I only played like 4 songs and I was 19 so I’m counting this as my first time. Do you know what I mean?

LAH Which mall was it?

JJS Ellen von Unwerth was shooting and it was for either MIU MIU or MARNI, I can’t remember. I don’t remember which mall it was and I also didn’t now where to go. Afterwards we went to a couple of pubs and got really drunk and didn’t see anything and we ended up in this random night club – but this is the first time that I’ve gotten to explore the city. We had ramen last night and than we walked through Berlin and today we went to the spa. I’ve gotten to live it a little bit more here and so far I’m just fascinated I wanna stay longer.

LAH How did it happen that you decided to come to Berlin actually?

JJS Well, we had some meetings that I had to attend and I was like ‘If I’m gonna be out there I’d love to play. Can we try to find a show?’ And The Coathangers were looking for support acts so we just booked that show, and we happened to be in London so it seems to be like an easy hop and it’s the way we ended our tour so it’s been just pretty lovely to end on this now.

LAH I remember that you covered the song ‘Bette Davis Eyes’ by Kim Carnes at your gig yesterday why did you choose that song to play?

JJS Well, I love that song and we covered it and I just love to throw a cover here and there, songs that I love and respect and make them my own and then also it gets the audience going because they can related and ‘Bette Davis’ is just such a good song and I feel like singing that for me is just like I make it my own and it’s fun, it’s just good so we put it in the set. I changed up the covers a lot, I did a Rolling Stones cover last week, but ‘Bette Davis’ is just so fun.

LAH It’s actually more like a pop song isn’t it?

JJS I feel like we rock it out a little bit, I mean I love a good dance tune you know.

LAH So let’s talk a little bit about your background. You grew up in an environment that was shaped by many creative people like your parents Richard and Laurie Lynn Stark, founders of the jewellery label Chrome Hearts, and your godmother Cher. When you think back what kind of impact did they have on your career and your personality in general?

JJS I think that your environment when you grow up is so … you’re like a sponge, you know, you either take a lot from it or you run away from the family, right? But my family was so inspiring to me and I was around a lot of adults growing up and a lot creatives and a lot of music, around fashion, a lot of Rock ‘n’ Roll and I think that it just kind of stuck with me. My parents always drew me into their environment, they never like kept me away from it so I was always in the factory when they were creating things and fitting people, making garments for different people that happen to be musicians and my dad played tons of music for me on the way to school, so it just stuck in me.

LAH So it seems that you were surrounded by a lot of adults during your childhood, did you also hang out with friends of your age?

JJS Yeah I had friends, but I always felt a little misunderstood. You know, I love hard! I really waned to have this like crew of people that I could hang with, but I always felt really misunderstood and I was kind of angry, like I just never fit in anywhere. And so to be kind of expected so little and be around adults and my parents would let me hang with them I just felt that I absorbed more from that than from the kids my age, you know. Now I have peers and I am growing into myself and I have some really cool friends, but when I was younger it was just I felt like I was surrounded way more by adults.

LAH What about your siblings?

JJS They didn’t come til I was 13. So I got to be the only child for 13 years. When they were born I had a little more freedom.

LAH How is your relationship with them?

JJS Amazing. They are little entrepreneurs, my sister has a bikini line, my brother has a line where its about being active. My parents raise them the same way where you know there – it’s just a different respect level they don’t treat them like they are little, we all communicate. And my brother and sister, I would say I couldn’t love anything more unless I guess I had a baby because they’re just magnificent.

“I don’t fucking know why he didn’t like me!”

LAH Let’s talk a little bit more about your music. How did you know you wanted to pursue music?

JJS I just feel that I’ve always been fascinated with it and being able to create and write. And when I was little I just asked my dad like “Can I take piano or guitar lessons?” So they put me in lessons for different instruments, guitar, piano and some vocal lessons, so that was when I started writing my own poetry and wrote my first song I was really young.

LAH At the age of?

JJS I was like 9 or something. And it just became this thing that didn’t go away and I started recording covers because I thought my writing wasn’t good enough to record so I did random covers, like a pop cover, country cover I have like 50 covers recorded – I swear – and then I sought out to find a band.

LAH So you wrote your first song when you were 9? What was it about?

JJS ‘My heart’s on fire’. And it’s about a boy. It’s actually about this one boy from high school that didn’t like me, his name was Chase.

LAH Why didn’t he like you?

JJS I don’t fucking know why he didn’t like me! I still don’t know why. I remember writing that song, I was with my vocal teacher and she said “What are you gonna write about?” and I was like “I just feel…I just feel my heart is on fire.” And she was like “That is a song name.” And it was very short and had my best friend in the background doing vocals, it was very pop. And then I recently wrote a song called “Fire of Love” so I feel like it’s a full circle for me.

LAH So you said you did a lot of covers when you were young. If you could choose an artist to work with who would it be and why?

JJS I would say Merle Haggard, but he passed. Um …Oh, wait Stevie Nicks would be insane and Rhye, I love Rhye. I’ve been really embracing new bands lately because I’m usually only listening to old music. And some of the greats that are sadly passed like Lux from the Cramps or like Elvis. Just to name a few.

LAH So your musical background is also quite huge. You’ve worked with people like Steve Jones from the Sex Pistols for your first record, Duff McKagan from Guns N’ Roses and Cher. How have all these musicians influenced you in your music?

JJS I just think that one think they all have in common is they never bullshit me, they’re not gonna just tell me I’m good, they’re not gonna tell me it’s easy, you know. They challenged, me they challenged my creativity, being honest and like if i’m showing them a song they’ll be like – so Steve one day – the reason I worked with Steve was, well, I’ve known him forever but I played him a song and said “What do you think about this song?” and he said: “Well, love, I think it’s shit.” That was what he said. But it was actually really amazing it was during my time recording my first EP in my early 20’s.

“I want to look like a lady, but a little bit like fucked up as well!”

LAH So it actually helped you that he was so direct with his opinion.

JJS It helped. And I said well “If you think that it’s shit why are you even producing a record for me? Don’t just say that.” But he did and in the end we did like 5 songs together and now it’s the first body of work that was really important to me. He really pushed me in the studio and it was really cool to work with him and have his ear with my stuff. It’s important to meet that there is honesty and being challenged constantly. ‘Cause there are a million bands and there are a million artists and a lot of them are great, but a lot of them suck, so you gotta be yourself and you gotta push, push, push!

LAH We already talked a little bit about it, but besides music you are also interested in fashion. You did a collaboration with vans in 2011.

JJS I think I was like 19 they just came to me and “Wanna to do something?”

LAH How did this happen?

JJS I have no idea! There was this girl that was really cool actually this was when blogs where everything. What was it called… it was called like ‘Bleach Black’. Have you heard of it? It was really cool. And she loved me and she worked at vans, but then she left and she was just like “I want you to work with this girl Melissa” and they did this huge thing and I said I only wanna do it if we incorporate my music. And they did. And it was so fucking fun and then they rented out the Troubadour for me and I had a show and that was my first real show. They really incorporated and embodied me with fashion and with my music.

“I think I can honestly say right now in my life love is the scariest thing!”

LAH You also worked together with your parents for their label Chrome Hearts and also helped work on Bella Hadid’s gown for the Met Gala last year right?

JJS Well, you know we did a collaboration with Gareth Pugh a while ago and Bella is a dear family friend of mine and she is so involved with Chrome Hearts. She’s such a supporter we grew up together and we where just hanging and she was like “I’m wearing that to the MET” and then we decided she needed a veil and then we made this amazing veil and I was placing gold on it. It was just a really nice family project and she just rocked it and that was amazing, so things like that just happen when you are at the factory.

LAH How would you describe your style in terms of fashion?

JJS First of all, I have to be comfortable for the most part, it’s rare that I won’t be. I like to be warm and, I don’t know, I want to look like a lady, but a little bit like fucked up as well, and not always pristine ’cause I have a lot of vintage on, then probably add some crazy big earrings. I think it’s always changing, I like to dress up. It’s just an extension of my mood like anyone’s, if I am in a bad mood I probably wearing creepers this big and stomping around in them.

LAH Your look yesterday on stage was a mix of sexy and comfortable.

JJS My friend owns this line Tigra Tigra and it’s brilliant and she gave me that zebra dress. But then I go buy all of these fabrics and I just make a bunch of them and that’s my stage outfit. And than I costum-made those boots, they are really like my second feet, I feel so naked without them. I love them. It took a while to make them.

LAH What are your fears in life?

JJS Life.

LAH Well okay true, life in general is very scary.

JJS No. Okay, well, i can’t tell you my actual fear because I don’t want anybody to know that. Fear! … In the end I guess being loved is like the coolest thing and loving someone else so i guess…

LAH Not being loved?

JJS Like love, not not being loved, but love .. Love is kind of scary right? But i’m not scared of anything with my career, I think we manifest and we create what we wanna see for ourselves and that’s up to us. No one’s gonna do that.

LAH Yeah it’s the same over here, with love.

JJS Love right? I think I can honestly say right now in my life love is the scariest thing!

LAH What has been the proudest moment of your career?

JJS I think it’s all been really cool. I mean fuck i’m here right now, like this is amazing and I get to talk to you in Berlin, I played a show and I got delicious ramen and I was naked all day walking around the spa. It’s not bad. But I think one of my goals that I’ve wanted to make was going on tour. My next goal’s to play festivals. One of my proudest moments was the vans collaboration because I did that separate to my family and I made my own money and I killed it and I designed and I performed and I felt really satisfied and happy that I got to do that at a young age, you know?

LAH So now you are in Berlin sitting with me on this couch. What’s next for you? Flying back to L.A.?

JJS I will go to Paris to meet my mother and then have some meetings, but then I’m going back to L.A. to write an album. I’m gonna put out my first album.

LAH Awesome news. So are you planning to do that this summer?

JJS Yes, I’m planning to release it before next year.

LAH So in summary, there is a new album in planning, you want to play on festivals, more touring..

JJS Yes, more touring, come back to Berlin, maybe this September (winks).

And then we clinked our cups for her successful tour (mine filled with black coffee and her’s with milk tea).

#jesse jo stark #interview magazine #interview #2019

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lettuce-seize-the-day · 4 years

Text

Found ch. 8

Summary: Jack Kelly is a 17 year old kid who has been in the foster system for more of his life than not. By now he's given up on finding his forever family and is counting down the days until he turns 18. Four months before the deadline, Miss Medda Larkin decides she is going to adopt him.

Chapter summary: Race and Spot have an encounter.

AO3 link

“You alright in there?” someone called out from outside the bathroom stall Race was in.

Shit, he thought. He had been alone when he came in. He wondered how long they had been in here, and prayed it hadn’t been long enough to hear him trying to make himself puke.

He still didn’t think he had a real problem. He only did this when he was really upset. Or when he ate too much. It just so happened that, this time, those two things happened on back-to-back days. Honestly, Race wasn’t even sure this time counted as purging. Learning about Jack getting suspended because of him, and hearing his intentions to leave the family the first chance he got, well, it did make him feel sick. Sticking his fingers down his throat just helped him get the job done faster.

He swallowed, trying to clear the burning sensation from his throat. “Yeah, yeah I’m good, thanks,” he called out. He flushed the toilet and stood up, pressing his freezing cold hands to his cheeks to cool them down and help make them less red. Race hoped he didn’t look as bad as he usually did after doing this. He opened up the stall door, and saw the last person in the world he wanted to see at this particular moment in time.

“Whoa, man. Ya sure you’re alright? Don’t take this the wrong way, but you ain’t lookin’ so hot,” said Spot, looking concerned. “School lunch hit ya the wrong way? Ya need me ta get da nurse?”

Race stood still for a second, completely shocked at how shitty his luck was. Then he snapped out of it and quickly shook his head, averting his eyes from the boy in front of him to stare at the ground. “Yeah, I’m- no for sure, I just- there was a, um… I just, well I uh- I don’t need, um.” He wanted to kick himself. It was like Spot put some kind of idiot filter on him so whenever he was within 50 feet of him, his coherent thoughts and intended words were incapable of coming out the way they were supposed to. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, begging his brain to give him something to work with.

Spot raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, I’m real convinced now. Here, take this,” he said, handing Race a bottle of water. “I always bring an extra, and ya seem like ya need it.”

Race tried to form words again, to tell Spot he didn’t need it, that he literally had his own perfectly good water bottle in his backpack. But before he got the chance, Spot cut him off.

“Look, you’re clearly not feelin’ alright right now, an’ for some reason ya ain’t takin’ the free pass ta go home that naturally comes wid throwin’ up in school. But that shit dehydrates the hell outta you, so will ya just please at least take the damn water bottle and try to take care a’yourself?”

Wordlessly, Race reached out to accept the gift. His cold, shaking hand brushed against Spot’s as he took the water bottle from him. Luckily, his brain was functioning just enough to tell him to use the hand that had not just been down his throat. Race took a sip of water. “Thanks,” he managed to choke out.

Spot kept looking at him, clearly still concerned. He was a good guy, and he was right- it was an unspoken but well-known rule that if you tell the nurse you threw up, she would let you go home. The fact that Race wasn’t taking advantage of what many would consider a golden opportunity was, to say the least, odd.

Race took a sudden interest in the water bottle, fixating his eyes upon it and trying not to think about Spot, Spot and him, alone together, Spot giving him a gift, Spot touching his hand, Spot trying to take care of him... and well, he wasn’t doing a very good job of it. But it didn’t help that Spot wouldn’t stop staring at him, his gorgeous brown eyes completely focused on Race. Just like he had dreamed of for what felt like eternity, and happening at the worst possible time.

“Ya gonna be alright?” Spot asked, more gently this time. “Sure ya don’ want me ta get da nurse? Or I could walk ya there?”

Race shook his head. As desperately as he wanted to spend time with Spot Conlon and take him up on his offer to go on a walk with him, even just down the hall, he didn’t want it like this. He didn’t want to be lost in his thoughts, wracked with guilt about Jack getting suspended because of him while he got off scot-free, his whole body still shaking from purging, his cheeks most definitely puffed up. God, he didn’t even want to know what he looked like right now. He prayed that, if it was bad, it would be at least bad enough that Spot wouldn’t recognize him later on.

“Alrighty… well… uh, I hope ya feel betta soon,” Spot said awkwardly. “Here, lemme give ya my numba in case ya need anythin’.” He took a sharpie from out of his pocket.

“Wha… what would I need from you?” asked Race, and immediately regretted it. Spot Conlon was here, in front of him, talking to him, trying to give him his cellphone number which Race could use to talk to him anytime he wanted, and he was questioning it? He closed his eyes and wished he could unsay everything he had said the entire time Spot was here. He wished for this whole day to just undo itself and let him start over. This time, he’d just save himself the trouble and stay home.

Spot didn’t seem troubled at all, though. He uncapped the sharpie and grabbed Race’s forearm, then scribbled something down as he talked. “I dunno. But youz throwin’ up alone in a high school bathroom, which ain’t a fun place ta be. And ya seem awful upset ‘bout somethin’. An’ I ain’t askin, cuz it ain’t my business. But I jus’ know, if it was me, I’d wanna know I wasn’t alone. Das all.” He then drew a smiley face on Race’s arm next to his number. “Jus’ look at dis guy and rememba you ain’t neva alone, and ya got lotsa stuff ta smile ‘bout. But he’s here to do it for ya til ya can.” He capped the sharpie and put it back in his pocket, said, “See ya round, Race,” then began walking out of the bathroom.

“Wait!” said Race. Spot turned around, surprised. “Don’t ya need ta… I dunno, use da bathroom?” Race wanted to die. He wanted to actually sew his lips shut and never speak again. Yes, it was odd that it seemed that Spot just materialized in the bathroom in his hour of despair and didn’t seem to have a reason to be in here. That didn’t mean he needed to ask him about it.

Spot gave him a strange look, then chuckled. “Nah, I jus’ forgot my hat in here earlier. Lucky for you, I guess.” He waved the hat in his hand before throwing up a peace sign with his other hand, then left.

Race stood still for a moment, trying to process everything that had just happened. In some ways, it felt like a dream. In others, it seemed like a nightmare. Either way, if it wasn’t for the sharpie scribbles all over his arm, he wouldn’t have believed it was real.

He walked over to the sinks to assess the damage in the mirror. Upon what he saw, he nearly threw up again.

Oh. God.

His hair was a mess. His cheeks were bright red. His eyes looked wild. But that wasn’t even the worst part. He turned on the sink, quickly cupped some water in his hands, and began wiping the sides of his mouth, cursing himself for not doing so when he was in the stall. He had just been caught off-guard, but still, that was no excuse. Stupid. So, so stupid. Spot Conlon was in here, talking to him, and he had puke on his face. It wasn’t a lot. Maybe he hadn’t noticed.

Or maybe that was why he wouldn’t stop staring at him.

Fuck.

Race was gross. He was just gross. He splashed his face with cold water, trying to wash all the gross off. But when he stood back up and looked in the mirror again, it was still him. Why couldn’t he just get all the gross off of him? He washed his hands next, scrubbing them clean, trying to focus on something he could control, instead of the growing lump in his throat. He started tearing up when he couldn’t, his mind gravitating instead toward his multitude of disgusting imperfections. He stared into the mirror, unable to help himself from fixating on them. His legs which just weren’t the right shape, his face a constellation of flaws, his nose too big, his eyes too small, his cheeks too red, his stomach. God, his stomach. He was choking back a sob when he caught a glimpse of his arm and saw that Spot’s number was still there. He stared at the scribbles, trying to take in that they were really there, Spot had really been here, and he really gave him his number. And that stupid smiley face, grinning up at him, like it knew all of his thoughts and wanted to tell him it was all gonna be okay.

#newsies #newsies fic #newsies fanfiction #sprace #racetrack higgins

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