#life altering medical condition
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Please consider helping my friend's roommate <3
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I'm getting depressingly good at identifying the formula for Pop Academic Books About ADHD.
Regardless of their philosophy it pretty much goes like this:
1. Emotionally sensitive essay about the struggle of ADHD and the author's personal experience with it as both a person with ADHD and a healthcare professional.
2. Either during or directly following this, a lightly explicated catalogue of symptoms, illustrated by anecdotes from patient case studies. Optional: frequent, heavy use of metaphor to explain ADHD-driven behavior.
3. Several chapters follow, each dedicated to a symptom; these have a mini-formula of their own. They open with a patient case study, discuss the highly relatable aspects of the specific symptom or behavior, then offer some lightweight examples of a treatment for the symptom, usually accompanied by follow up results from the earlier case studies.
4. Somewhere around halfway-to-two-thirds through the book, the author introduces the more in-depth explication of the treatment system (often their own homebrew) they are advocating. These are generally both personally-driven (as opposed to suggested cultural changes, which makes sense given these books' target audience, more on this later) and composed of an elaborate system of either behavior alteration or mental reframing. Whether this system is actually implementable by the average reader varies wildly.
5. A brief optional section on how to make use of ADHD as a tool (usually referring to ADHD or some of its symptoms as a superpower at least once). Sometimes this section restates the importance of using the systems from part 4 to harness that superpower. Frequently, if present, it feels like an afterthought.
6. Summation and list of further resources, often including other books which follow this formula.
I know I'm being a little sarcastic, but realistically there's nothing inherently wrong about the formula, like in itself it's not a red flag. It's just hilariously recognizable once you've noticed it.
It makes sense that these books advocate for the Reader With ADHD undertaking personal responsibility for their treatment, since these are in the tradition of self-help publishing. They're aimed at people who are already interested in doing their own research on their disability and possible ways to handle it. It's not really fair to ask them to be policy manuals, but I do find it interesting that even books which advocate stuff like volunteering (for whatever reason, usually to do with socialization issues and isolation, often DBT-adjacent) never suggest disability activism either generally or with an ADHD-specific bent.
None of these books suggest that perhaps life with ADHD could be made easier with increased accommodations or ease of medication access, and that it might be in a person's best interest to engage in political advocacy surrounding these and other disability-related issues. Or that activism related to ADHD might help to give someone with ADHD a stronger sense of ownership of their unique neurology. Or that if you have ADHD the idea of activism or even medical self-advocacy is crushingly stressful, and ways that stress might be dealt with.
It does make me want to write one of my own. "The Deviant Chaos Guide To Being A Miscreant With ADHD". Includes chapters on how to get an actual accurate assessment, tips for managing a prescription for a controlled substance, medical and psychiatric self-advocacy for people who are conditioned against confrontation, When To Lie About Being Neurodivergent, policy suggestions for ADHD-related legislation, tips for activism while executively dysfunked, and to close the book a biting satire of the pop media idea of self-care. ("Feeling sad? Make yourself a nice pot of chicken soup from scratch and you'll feel better in no time. Stay tuned after this rambling personal essay for the most mediocre chicken soup recipe you've ever seen!" "Have you considered planning and executing an overly elaborate criminal heist as a way to meet people and stay busy?")
Every case study or personal anecdote in the book will have a different name and demographics attached but will also make it obvious that they are all really just me, in the prose equivalent of a cheap wig, writing about my life. "Kelly, age seven, says she struggles to stay organized using the systems neurotypical children might find easy. I had to design my own accounting spreadsheet in order to make sure I always have enough in checking to cover the mortgage, she told me, fidgeting with the pop socket on her smartphone."
I feel a little bad making fun, because these books are often the best resource people can get (in itself concerning). It's like how despite my dislike of AA, I don't dunk on it in public because I don't want to offer people an excuse not to seek help. It feels like punching down to criticize these books, even though it's a swing at an industry that is mainly, it seems, here to profit from me. But one does get tired of skimming the hype for the real content only to find the real content isn't that useful either.
Les (not his real name) was diagnosed at the age of 236. Charming, well-read, and wealthy, he still spent much of his afterlife feeling deeply inadequate about his perceived shortcomings. "Vampire culture doesn't really acknowledge ADHD as a condition," he says. "My sire wouldn't understand, even though he probably has it as well. You should see the number of coffins containing the soil of his homeland that he's left lying forgotten all over Europe." A late diagnosis validated his feelings of difference, but on its own can't help when he hyperfocuses on seducing mortals who cross his path and forgets to get home before sunrise. "I have stock in sunburn gel companies," he jokes.
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A relatively common trope of fma fanfiction is the modern Amestris au, which is basically your standard modern au for all your slice of life needs except stuff like alchemy and automail still exist, so the author doesn’t have come up with real world equivalents when that’s not really the point of their fic.
This is all fine and dandy, but one thing that’s always bugged me is that most of the time in these fics Al is just like. a normal, not disembodied, fully abled child. There are several issues with this, mainly that this alteration significantly changes the character dynamic between Ed and Al in ways the author often doesn’t account for at all.
This is also a common issue is regular modern aus, but I bring it up in the context of modern Amestris aus because an idea just occurred to me that I don’t think I’ve seen before: since alchemy still exists, why not have Al just straight up still be in the armor? Put that boy in public school and give him the strangest IEP known to man!
Touchscreens don’t recognize his leather fingers so he has a blackberry (which his hands are way too big for so it takes him twice as long to send most messages because he doesn’t like to leave in typos).
He was both pressured into joining and permanently banned from his middle school’s basketball team within the span of a week.
His condition isn’t secret or anything, it was kind of a big deal at the time and it made the news after it happened but after awhile the buzz mostly died down.
They were contacted by one of those medical mysteries documentary shows (a la extraordinary people), and Pinako told them that if they thought she would let an entire camera crew into her house they were fucking insane.
The initial publicity is the only reason the Amestrian government hasn’t kidnapped him or anything, but they do stalk him and the brothers and the Rockbells have definitely noticed.
If Izumi is Ed and Al’s legal guardian they are much more discreet about it because whenever she spots them hiding in the bushes or whatever she starts reciting castle doctrine law “to no one in particular.”
Because the modern world is a bureaucratic panopticon from hell and also CPS exists instead of just going out into the world to find the philosophers stone the Elrics just have to study real hard and try to eventually get into Alchemy MIT I guess.
Al is physically unable to use any kind of headphones because he has no ears.
He and Mei Chang are playing Minecraft right now as we speak.
#I want to see that boy in situations#sort of related to my crossover fic post#anna talking about stuff#fma#fmab#alphonse elric#fanfic meta#fandom meta#fma au#brainstorming#fullmetal alchemist#fullmetal alchimist brotherhood#fmab au
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For the Benefit of All: Assistive Tech Developed from NASA Tech
What do modern cochlear implants and robotic gloves have in common? They were derived from NASA technology. We’ve made it easier to find and use our patented inventions that could help create products that enhance life for people with disabilities.
October is National Disability Employment Awareness Month, which highlights the contributions of American workers with disabilities – many of whom use assistive technology on the job. Take a look at these assistive technologies that are NASA spinoffs.
Low-Vision Headsets
The Joint Optical Reflective Display (JORDY) device is a headset that uses NASA image processing and head-mounted display technology to enable people with low vision to read and write. JORDY enhances individuals’ remaining sight by magnifying objects up to 50 times and allowing them to change contrast, brightness, and display modes. JORDY's name was inspired by Geordi La Forge, a blind character from “Star Trek: The Next Generation” whose futuristic visor enabled him to see.
Cochlear Implants
Work that led to the modern cochlear implant was patented by a NASA engineer in the 1970s. Following three failed corrective surgeries, Adam Kissiah combined his NASA electronics know-how with research in the Kennedy Space Center technical library to build his own solution for people with severe-to-profound hearing loss who receive little or no benefit from hearing aids. Several companies now make the devices, which have been implanted in hundreds of thousands of people around the world.
Robotic Gloves
Ironhand, from Swedish company Bioservo Technologies, is the world’s first industrial-strength robotic glove for factory workers and others who perform repetitive manual tasks. It helps prevent stress injuries but has been especially warmly received by workers with preexisting hand injuries and conditions. The glove is based on a suite of patents for the technology developed by NASA and General Motors to build the hands of the Robonaut 2 humanoid robotic astronaut.
Smart Glasses
Neurofeedback technology NASA originally developed to improve pilots’ attention has been the basis for products aimed at helping people manage attention disorders without medication. The devices measure brainwave output to gauge attention levels according to the “engagement index” a NASA engineer created. Then, they show the results to users, helping them learn to voluntarily control their degree of concentration. One such device is a pair of smart glasses from Narbis, whose lenses darken as attention wanes.
Anti-Gravity Treadmills
A NASA scientist who developed ways to use air pressure to simulate gravity for astronauts exercising in space had the idea to apply the concept for the opposite effect on Earth. After licensing his technology, Alter-G Inc. developed its anti-gravity G-Trainer treadmill, which lets users offload some or all of their weight while exercising. The treadmills can help people recover from athletic or brain injuries, and they allow a safe exercise regimen for others with long-term conditions such as arthritis.
Wireless Muscle Sensors
Some of the most exciting assistive technologies to spin off may be yet to come. Delsys Inc. developed electromyographic technology to help NASA understand the effects of long-term weightlessness on astronauts’ muscles and movements. Electromyography detects and analyzes electrical signals emitted when motor nerves trigger movement. Among the company’s customers are physical therapists developing exercise routines to help patients recover from injuries. But some researchers are using the technology to attempt recoveries that once seemed impossible, such as helping paralyzed patients regain movement, letting laryngectomy patients speak, and outfitting amputees with artificial limbs that work like the real thing.
To further enhance the lives of people with disabilities, NASA has identified a selection of patented technologies created for space missions that could spur the next generation of assistive technology here on Earth.
Want to learn more about assistive technologies already in action? Check out NASA Spinoff to find products and services that wouldn’t exist without space exploration.
Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!
#NASA#space#tech#technology#spinoff#robotics#physical therapy#disability#disabled#accessibility#a11y#inventions
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Kontextmaschine is Dead
(~1,000 words, 5m)
Noted blogger @kontextmaschine is presumed dead, following the discovery that the sole resident at his most likely residence was found deceased during a wellness check initiated by concerned Redditors.
Prior to his last post on Aug 22, which indicated a serious health problem, he reported taking over twice the dose of creatine he had been taking at the beginning of his lengthy post-COVID health saga, in which he also reported becoming bisexual, having "zero" anxiety, gaining 3D vision after years of not having it, becoming incredibly convincing, and having to learn to walk and use his muscles properly again. At the time, he felt he was becoming trimmer and physically stronger, and reported engaging in a long project of yard work, although photos from the inside of his house generally looked somewhat messy.
A Tumblr user who met him briefly in person after the beginning of the health saga but before these most recent events reported that he was friendly, charismatic, hospitable, and clean, but "physically, a mess," with motor control issues on one side of his body.
Topics of discussion were similar to the content of kontextmaschine's blog, such as differences in east and west coast government in America, said to be "totally on brand," but it was said that the prolific poster seemed "less self-grandiose" in person.
Redditors theorize that the decline of kontextmaschine's health following his first self-report of COVID-19 infection may have been due to undiagnosed brain cancer, which could be more consistent with observed changes in behavior than the after-effects of a viral infection, given that most reports of "long covid" are about effects like fatigue, and not total loss of anxiety or alteration of sexual orientation.
Despite multiple suggestions, from both anonymous and pseudonymous users, kontextmaschine refused to seek professional medical care for his condition.
Regarding the mourning of public figures, in 2018, a period of increased Progressive sensitivity during the Trump Administration, kontextmaschine wrote,
through the years realized that through whatever blind groping the ‘90s-ass “edgelords” were desperately trying to save us from this, through proper gatekeeping and filtering
at first I’d thought it was gratuitous and supported it being relaxed, maybe not shaming everyone who publicly mourned a suicide, mea culpa, mea culpa, I have debts to pay
In 2019, he added:
That was how we kept the internet culture from growing mawkish and cry-bullyish: basically, if you were so weak as to get weepy over corpsemeat you got cancelled, the shame would follow you forever and you’d never be allowed to forget it.
Given his writing, it is likely that kontextmaschine would not have supported excessive public mourning over his death, though in 2017, following the theft of his motorcycle, when the popular blogger @argumate jokingly criticized him by writing, "no references to pinball, no insight into historical Americana, this isn’t the kontext I signed up for," kontextmaschine wrote,
“when bad shit happens people mock me accurately” is the community I’ve been looking for my whole life so
Like argumate, perhaps the most famous of the rationalist-adjacent bloggers on Tumblr, screenshots of kontextmaschine's Tumblr posts would end up on outside websites.
Kontextmaschine was generally considered an interesting, if controversial writer. One Tumblr user characterized him as a member of the "obnoxious Tumblr right," though another user asked, "wait, how is kontextmaschine is right wing?" After another user claimed that the nuclear bombing of Oregon would be a net improvement in the world due to kontextmaschine's residence in Portland, tumblr user @random-thought-depository wrote a 2,400 word theory post arguing that kontextmaschine's philosophy was a means to coordinate to join a future political coalition favoring the formation of a more brutal and oppressive hierarchy in pursuit of his own advantage.
Though kontextmaschine's ideology advocates that humanity should adopt "r-selection," meaning more offspring with less investment in each (or youth, sex, and death), this blog dissented against the coalition theory, arguing that motorcycles, kung fu, women, Hollywood, and not having to report to HR are all traditionally cool, and the causality of the kontextmaschine ideology could easily run the other way.
Though he had a period of identifying as female in his youth, appropriately LGBTQ for a Tumblr user, his 2011 statement of principles, including "the lesser yields to the greater" and "suffering is the mark of a wrong person," and general body of work, could be described as a strain of right-wing thought, though not of the traditionalist Christian or rational technocratic varieties.
Prior to the post-covid health saga, kontextmaschine's health posting was primarily about his bipolar disorder, with both manic and depressive phases.
Kontextmaschine maintained generally friendly relations with other bloggers in his sphere of discourse, sometimes debating but rarely aggressive, except in response to anonymous hatemail. In response to one particular piece of hatemail, kontextmaschine stated that as a writer, of course his primary form of influence would be his posts.
In a post chain reblogged by dozens of Tumblr users, multiple Tumblr users wrote that they enjoyed his writing and are disappointed by his death, describing him as a unique thinker that will not be easily replaced. Several felt that there was not much they could have done, as after returning from his covid infection, he was not taking medical advice.
One Tumblr user wrote, "rip. Inspirational manic poster," while long-time and prolific poster argumate described him as, "one of the bloggers of all time."
Internet users speculate that Kontextmaschine is survived by his outdoor cat, Badger, about whom he posted frequently. He may also be survived by other members of his family, with whom he apparently did not live, and rarely spoke about.
It is recommended that enthusiasts of kontextmaschine's blog make backups of his writing for archival purposes.
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Help?
The update on things is that the housemate is financially flat-lined. If 'thoughts and prayers' were actual currency then I'd be covered for a decade's worth of rent by this point.
For those who don't know: the housemate has become mobility disabled due to a life-altering injury, and then there's the other medical conditions that took the opportunity to go "hiiii, we're heeeere!" They're in a care facility at this point--they've been there since the beginning of December 2023.
I cannot cover the rent on my own, in its entirety, because I do not pull in enough income to do so. I've depleted my tiny buffer and have no other resources. Family is unable to help any more than they already do. Being Autistic, and trying to handle all my Things while dealing with this on my own is making it very difficult to maintain what little 'cool-headedness' I've had in my day to day. I am drowning under the pressure and therapy and meds can only get me so far.
Please, please help.
#it's sad 'cause it's true#adulting is exhausting#want to curl up in a ball and scream or cry or just stare because omg the pressure is bonkers#rent control should be a thing EVERYWHERE#universal basic income would be a huge help right now...#Autistic#Actually Autistic#rent help#fundraising#disability#disability visability#rent
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DID ALTER EXPLAINS: TYPES OF CDDs
so, what are CDDs? complex dissociative disorders are dissociative disorders that occur with the presence of "alternate self states" - alters. this includes DID, OSDD1, P-DID & some presentations of UDD. in this post, i will cover quick overviews regarding the key differences between these complex dissociative disorders.
DID - DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER
likely the most well-known complex dissociative disorder, DID is classified by:
the existence of two or more distinct identity states (as said before, i will be referring to these as "alters") accompanied by changes in behaviour, memory & thinking.
dissociative amnesia, which includes both partial & complete episodes of memory loss.
DPDR that affects daily life & functioning.
the symptoms must not be caused by substance use or another medical condition, & must not be part of normal cultural or religious practices.
this is a summary of the diagnostic criteria for DID¹, however there may be many other features present as well. common phenomena include: alters taking control of the patient's body in turns, the existence of an "internal world", as well as comorbid C-PTSD symptoms (flashbacks, hypervigilance, etc).
NOTE: DID with polyfragmentation (sometimes called complex DID) will be discussed in a later post.
OSDD1 - OTHERWISE SPECIFIED DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER (TYPE 1)
OSDD1 as a diagnosis - previously called DDNOS (dissociative disorder not otherwise specified) - is given to patients who nearly fit the diagnostic criteria for DID, however they lack one of the criteria needed to make a DID diagnosis.
OSDD1, therefore, is a spectrum of experiences².
in the online CDD community, you may hear talk of two OSDD1 subtypes: OSDD1-a & OSDD1-b. these are community terms that describe two of the most common OSDD1 presentations. take note, not all OSDD1 cases will fit neatly into either of these subtypes, but many still find these labels important when describing their experiences. here is a short overview:
OSDD1-a: the lacking criterion comes in where i mentioned "distinct identity states". in OSDD1-a patients, their alters are separated by the amnesia barriers present in DID, however the individual alters are often very similar in identity. these alters tend to seem more like "modes" of the same person, rather than distinct individuals. an example would be a patient named sarah, whose alters could perhaps be describes as "angry sarah", "childlike sarah" & "happy sarah".
OSDD1-b: the lacking criterion here is the presence of amnesia. those with OSDD1-b do not experience dissociative amnesia.
P-DID - PARTIAL DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER
P-DID is quite different compared to other complex dissociative disorders in terms of how it presents! the disorder is (typically) classified as such:
there are no episodes of amnesia.
one identity state exists as the "dominant" consciousness.
the dominant identity is intruded upon by 1 or more non-dominant self states, who do not recurrently take full control of the patient's consciousness & body (however episodes thereof may occur occasionally).
P-DID³ is under-researched compared to DID & even OSDD1.
UDD - UNSPECIFIED DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER
the diagnosis of UDD is given to those whose symptoms do not neatly fit into the criteria of another dissociative disorder⁴, including complex dissociative disorders.
as such, those with UDD may or may not note the presence of alters. it will all depend on the individual experience of patients with UDD.
this diagnosis may also be made in emergencies, or when a clinician is not able to gather enough information to diagnose a more specified CDD/DD.
these are all of the recognised types of complex dissociative disorders!
i hope i was able to set out this information in a manner that makes sense to those both within the online CDD community, & those new to it. thank you for taking this time to educate yourself on these dissociative disorders! if you have any questions, my askbox is open.
POST AUTHOR: finn🍄 (he/it) | dazey🐛 (they/she)
SOURCES: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4
DISCLAIMER: this post - alongside any other posts from @the-habitat-sysblog - is not a substitute for professional medical help. the DID ALTER EXPLAINS series is written with reference to the medical research of others, CDD community input & the author's personal experience.
#finn🍄.txt#dazey🐛.txt#;#🎤#[#did alter explains#did system#actually traumagenic#traumagenic system#cdd#sysblr#system#cdd community#system stuff#osdd1#udd#pdid#dissociative identity disorder#otherwise specified dissociative disorder 1#partial did#partial dissociative identity disorder#unspecified dissociative disorder#did community#]
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WebMD Page for Aziraphale
As promised to you all, inspired by that video of Aziraphale as an antidepressant. The WebMD drug format, from your clearly deranged mascot, Asmi. This took way too much effort. For legal purposes, even though this blog is a lawless hellscape, this is a spoof. If you did like it, reblog it, maggoty loves of mine, because likes don't help visibility on tumblr, and I want everyone to be traumatised with my own specific brand of unhinged. No pressure though, be rebels muaha. That being said:
MENU > DRUGS & MEDICATIONS > AZIRAPHALE
COMMON BRAND(S): Guardian of the East Gate, Angel
GENERIC NAME(S): Aziraphale
USES
This medication is used to treat mood-related disorders ranging from depression to chronic loneliness and anxiety. It has also been proven effective in treatment of Compulsive Demonic Behavioural Disorder (CDBD) and Post Fall Stress Disorder (PFSD). The medication results in an overall improvement in mood (see Side Effects), morals, and lifestyle choices. This medication is sometimes described as a 'miracle-worker'. It is advisable to ensure that the correct dosage is taken at regular intervals. The doctor/God/Forces That Be may prescribe a lower dose at the start, gradually increasing frequency and amount over the course of millennia.
SIDE EFFECTS
Documented side-effects include pining behaviour, severe withdrawal symptoms in case of suddenly stopping the medication, heart palpitations, stuttering or stammering, mood swings including irrational lashing out or defensive behaviour when faced with highly emotional situations, break-ups, misunderstands, obliviousness, amongst others. Despite the studies being limited to a single subject (see Crowley et. al. updated 2023) these effects are typically harmless in the long term.
Life-altering effects may also be noted, including irretrievably falling in love, marriage, a positive character arc, tendencies to put oneself at risk to ensure continuation of medication, lifelong friendship, fate-defying romance and severe allergy to the idea of discontinuation of medication.
WARNINGS
Casual or reckless consumption can be too fast for the medication, which will lessen its effects, leading to withdrawal symptoms. Withdrawal symptoms range from repeated indulging in CDBD and PFSD induced behaviours to alcoholism, depressive episodes, recklessness, listlessness, and prolonged car rides with no purpose. While the medication should not be consumed too fast, regularity is also advised. This is a long-term medication and not a short-term fix. Rare, short-term exposures will only worsen the side effects, withdrawal symptoms and may even reverse the drug effects.
PRECAUTIONS
Ensure immortality so that the medication may be able to work its effect through the full course. Pre-existing trauma and heart conditions may require regular consultations with a therapist.
INTERACTIONS
Drug interactions may change how the medication works or increase severity of side effects. This document does not include a comprehensive list of all drug interactions, please do adequate research and check instructions on the medication before proceeding with additional drugs. Aziraphale is known to have highly negative interactions with the toxin hellfire as well as the drugs Gabriel (only when sold as Supreme Archangel), Satan and Metatron (known toxin). Negative interference may occur due to most drugs from the class Heaven and Hell. Vague interference may occur with the drug class Homo sapiens.
OVERDOSE
While less dangerous than withdrawal symptoms, overdose may lead to lack of personal space, miscommunication, and decrease in mood stability. Increased irritability is also common. Use with caution.
IMAGE
REVIEWS (1)
Effectiveness: 5 stars
Ease of use: 4 stars
Satisfaction: 100000000000000000000e stars
It must be noted that in the country where I live (India), advertisements for pharmaceutical drugs are legally prohibited on television and other media. Which is why I was very bewildered at the initial video. But WebMD is a universal phenomenon so this shall by my contribution to the fandom. Thank you @neil-gaiman, Good Omens has given me a lot of opportunities to exercise my brain in all the weirdest ways.
#good omens mascot#good omens#good omens fandom#weirdly specific but ok#asmi#crowley#maggots#lgbtqia#aziraphale#neil gaiman#garden of eden#good omens crack#webmd#webmd spoof#good ineffable omens#ineffable fandom#ineffable idiots#ineffable husbands#az fell#aziraphale fell#aziracrow#azirowley#anthony j crowley#good omens funny#good omemes#ineffable angel#good omens incorrect quotes
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Hey Bones! Sorry if this is a bit random to ask you, but-
Is it ok if you elaborate and/or explain how Millie is ableist towards Briarlight please?
I haven’t really heard much people within the fandom talk about Millie’s treatment of Briarlight and her disability as negative and/or bad compared to Millie not really paying attention to Blossomfall within the books.
So I’m interested what you know and/or have to say about it.
OH boy, I feel like this one is REALLY easy to see if you just pop the book open. It will make your skin crawl once you see these quotes. Millie is an AWFUL mother and SHOCKING in how nasty she is to her disabled child.
I run in some pretty good circles and curate my Tumblr experience well, so I see plenty of people just mentioning it as a fucked up thing the series did casually, but I'll make a compilation of the worst of it.
(CW for some serious ableism, Millie is terrible.)
She's injured in Chapter 11 of OotS Book 2: Fading Echoes, and Millie is obsessive over her until Chapter 9 of OotS Book 3: Night Whispers. She's interfering with Jayfeather's treatments, constantly in the den, shouting at him when he tries to be honest about Briarlight's condition.
But that would be understandable. She's concerned and the prognosis isn't great. Her very young, athletic daughter (basically 17-ish) has suddenly received a life-altering injury that will drastically affect her life. Until Night Whispers Chapter 9, she's just worrying about her daughter.
And then we get this.
(Please note this is happening in front of the entire Clan. The entire social group is watching this.)
Though Briarlight expressed frustration with her exercises and how painful and difficult recovery was in Fading Echoes, that is not the case in Night Whispers. At this point, it's difficult but Briarlight is recovering well. MILLIE decides that her daughter being alive with a disability is suffering.
Note how in this exchange, Jayfeather is being forced to comfort Briarlight's MOTHER. Not BRIARLIGHT herself, the one with the injury who is looking at a massive upheaval to her life. Though superficially it seems like this is coming from a place of love, Millie is making Briarlight's recovery about herself by doing this, and this exchange is ableist.
Millie: "I want her to do all of these able-bodied things."
Jay: "That will not happen, but life has inherent value."
Millie: "No it doesn't, if you cannot do those able-bodied things, you are suffering."
But it gets worse because it's not even that she's only expressing this in private. Her daughter is within earshot. The newly disabled person is listening to their own fucking mother call her medical treatment "dragging out her suffering."
BURN this passage into your mind. Having heard her OWN FUCKING MOTHER cry to a crowd of cats that maybe it would be better if she was DEAD, watching several cats drop everything to comfort HER for having a disabled daughter, Briarlight has to drag herself out and act like a cute baby to get her to stop making a public spectacle.
It's hard to describe to someone who hasn't been in the situation before, but if your parent is making a scene like that, it'll end up falling onto you to "appeal" to their sense of... parental valor, is the best way I can put it. "See? Aren't I getting better? I promise I'll work hard. I'm not hurt it's okay! Everything is fine!" You give them a chance to affirm how good of a parent they are, for helping you, or 'putting up' with you. You have to assure them that your existence isn't so bad.
In essence, it falls onto the child to comfort their parent.
This is specifically a form of a toxic family dynamic called emotional parentification, on top of it being obviously ableist. She is being shoved into a position where she needs to sacrifice her OWN need for support and comfort to coddle her parent, to STOP her from making a scene, while that parent screams that her disabled life is worth less than her siblings' abled ones to a crowd of cats.
Naturally, this affects Briarlight's sense of self-worth. She stops eating.
Thankfully, Jayfeather is here to have an exchange about how her life has value. For all my issues with Jayf in later arcs, he has some of his best moments here in OotS.
In later books, Briarlight's struggles with self-worth continue. It's all shit that Millie implied about her being less useful because she is unable to do what her siblings can.
It's every other cat who has to come in and assure Briarlight that she isn't worthless. Not Millie. Millie comes on screen and she's either making Briarlight feel like garbage or barking at Jayfeather for not doctoring hard enough.
She desperately craves independence. This above scene is happening because she wanted to come out into the woods for the first time in forever, and she's being suffocated and bossed around in the camp constantly. It was up to her brother, Bumblestripe, to do anything to help her.
Not her dad. Not her mom. Bumblestripe. (Rare Bumblestripe W)
I also want to take a brief moment to point out a detail that the fandom often forgets, about Blossomfall. She actually knows full well that her feelings are unreasonable here, and she believes that the fact she isn't feeling "what she is supposed to" is proof that she is a bad person who deserves hell.
Millie's actions are crushing ALL of her children under its weight. Briarlight is obviously getting the worst of it, but these are YOUNG adults, just out of apprenticeship, and Blossomfall is being told that her sister is in a constant state of "suffering." This means she's not allowed to be frustrated about how Millie is behaving, because hating THAT means you hate your sister, and that makes her an awful person.
What Blossomfall is describing here is the feelings associated with being a glass child.
But no it's not JUST that she's being neglectful to Blossomfall, who yes, is a young adult and can take responsibility for her own actions. Millie is being nasty to Bloss too, directly comparing her to Briarlight and unironically doing the "You should be GRATEFUL you can walk when BRIARLIGHT WOULD DO ANYTHING TO LEGS AROUND."
Again. I'll state the very obvious from the passage.
"Hey Millie, your other daughter looks kinda upset right now!" = "PERFECT TIME TO SNAP AT HER"
Blossomfall = Wasted her morning when she should be Useful
Useful = Can hunt
"YOUR SISTER wouldn't act like this"
Proper warrior = spends every waking minute in service of the clan
Once again, Millie does this in public, with several people watching her rip into her child. She even gets ANGRY at Brackenfur gently trying to soften the blow. It's freakjob shit to hear, "h-hey, at least they're safe!" and SNARL back "IS IT?"
Millie continues to hover over Briarlight well into Bramblestar's Storm. The closure for these intense, insulting comments, public embarrassments, snapping at and neglecting one child while telling the other one that her life was "suffering" because she can't walk is.....
millie watches her do some pull-ups and is so impressed by them she isn't bigoted anymore :o)
"my daughter's membership at British Planet Fitness paid off. Look at how big her biceps are now. I guess I was wrong to tell her that her life is inherently suffering because she can't hunt, just look at her gooooo"
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
So, basically, Millie's a terrible parent. She never gets properly called out for this manipulative, toxic behavior. She says that her own daughter might have been better off dead in public. She makes Briarlight feel like half of a cat because she can't do all the things her siblings do, while her siblings are told that they should be grateful they're not disabled like Briarlight.
And just to end off, because it's relevant, the BRAND NEW writing team then killed off Briarlight in an incredibly stupid, insulting way. She catches fucking Greencough in AVoS so that they can have a very sad funeral for a couple of chapters, before moving on to Jayfeather being a shithead to Alderheart for being friends with Velvet.
Then they wrote a line in Squirrelflight's Hope where Squilf's mother begs her to stay dead in heaven, because if she goes back to life, she might be disabled like Briarlight and her mate Bramblestar won't want her anymore. The line was so bad the authors promised that it wouldn't be there in reprints; the reprint still has not come.
normal series.
#warrior cats analysis#Briarlight#CW Ableism#Cw bigotry#CW jesus christ I feel like this needs more tags because it's SO bad
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disabled people with very rare and life threatening/shortening medical conditions who are open about their experiences and share their experiences on here make me feel so much better and welcome and understood. they do so much more for this community than ppl give credit
it’s really alienating to have a disability that you see almost nobody even mention in online “disability communities”. It can feel isolating and disappointing when 99% of disability content ends up being for the more common disabilities, and you never see people like yourself or hear people discuss the problems you deal with even remotely
like. I cannot even begin to explain how isolating this spinal cord injury has been. meeting a person with a mitochondrial illness felt so validating and relieving cuz I finally felt like someone else Got what I was talking about and could understand the way I felt and the way my life was altered/shortened. Finally finding someone who understands the pain/isolation I was feeling was the best thing on this site
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You've been bitten by a werewolf. You didn't realize it at first of course. You were upstate on a camping trip and what looked like a distressed and out of place wolf just went up to you, and as you tried to fend it off with a rake it bit you. You assumed it was an escaped illegal pet due to how rare wolves are nowadays, but you were screened for rabies anyway just due to the way it behaved. Turns out it's a werewolf.
You're terrified, terrified that you'll hurt someone, possibly even someone you love. The suggestion that almost every piece of media about werewolves has given you is that you're a danger to everyone around you. The only two methods of dealing with it that you know of are taking drugs with life altering side effects, or being locked somewhere for the night.
Before even the first full moon of the month you look at a form for other werewolves. Turns out a lot of people who are freshly bitten have these types of fears and come there for help. The form explicitly discourages anyone from thinking of themselves as dangerous. There are almost no lethal werewolf attacks, any safety tips they have for you are going to purely center around the fact that humans might hurt you while you're a wolf. Especially for an urban werewolf like you where being caught risks institutionalization, something you though of as neutral but most of the form is very much agaisnt.
Their main suggestion for your safety is to stay with a freind who has space to take care of you, someone who you know well enough so that you'll trust even while in full wolf form. If you can go somewhere forested for the night, though that's more a tip about enjoying being a wolf then being at your maximum safety.
You also probably will be a creature somewhere between a wolf and a human for the nights before and after the full moon, depending on the exact nature of your condition you might experience some amount of partial change for up to about ten days out of the month. When that starts to happen the assumption is that you'll have enough of your mind to be able to be alone, and the suggestion is just that you stay in an area where people are accepting.
Your first night is the night before the full moon. Your half wolf half human for the entire night. Your worried you'll slip away from your identity so much that you'll hurt someone. You don't. Everything is largely fine. You're worried though. So very worried.
The next night you stay with a freind, as they suggested. You don't remember anything. Your freind said that they were afraid of you at first, ready to shoot you with a shotgun you didn't know they had. But in the end you just sort of sat there like a big dog, and trusted them as much as you would when you were in human form.
As time goes on it becomes more casual. You don't think of it as a big deal. You realize how low the likelihood of actually hurting someone is. Some full moons you spend being protected by freinds and treated like a weird pet, other nights you go to the woods, and enjoy the feelings of running around. The nights before and after the full moon, you just treat like any other night, only really having to deal with people's perception of you as a difference.
Over time you learn how people treat you differently. You have to disclose everything to your employer, which makes finding a job far harder. It's harder to rent an apartment. Most first world countires outside America won't let you in. You can't buy a weapon in most states, can't get most insurance. Even the medical system has set you to automatically do not resuscitate. You can't even really date outside the werewolf community now, or occasionally withbrealated communities like witches or vampires, but most normal humans don't trust you.
People who know you worry to much. They suggest every restrictive solution you discarded in the first month. People want you to move "somewhere safer", wherever that it. They want you to take things you know won't cure you, or buy into whatever pseudoscience they've gotten a hold of. People are worried you'll hurt someone even when you're so very sure you'll be fine.
It was never that you were a wolf. It was that everyone else was that everyone else thought of you as one.
#196#worldbuilding#writing#my writing#my thougts#wolf#werewolves#werewolf#fantasy#urban fantasy#short fiction#short story#flash fiction#mad pride
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Gorou ditches you at the wedding alter after Kokomi convinces him to elope with her.
Thank the Archons Kazuha/Heizou is there to save the day.
Gorou ♡⊹˚ For a brighter future (SFW)
fem. reader (3rd person) ; angst. cw for cheating.
5k words.
notes. This hurt a little to write but I suppose it’s only fair since it’s an angsty request </3. I do hope it is to your liking!~ Enjoy! ✧˖°
Life in Watatsumi Island wasn’t easy. The soils weren’t fertile, supplies were hard to come by, nevermind the conflict with the Shogunate that had still left gashing wounds to heal. Nevertheless and despite it all, the inhabitants were overall content with what they had, thanking the leadership of their Divine Priestess for everything finally beginning to turn out better after a gruesome war.
Even so, there remained a lingering fear in the air. Many soldiers refused to lay down their weapons still, continuously dawning their armor as everyone did everything they could to rebuild their home anew. There was an overall sense of suffocation in the air, its hold loose enough to at least let the islanders breathe. Life slowly got back to normal as Kokomi did everything she could to negotiate with the Shogunate for the benefit of Watatsumi, her troops slowly turning a new leaf as some sought new jobs to take.
“Your condition’s improved,” A soothing voice beamed, smiling at the soldier before noting down his progress. The man looked up to their chief medic, or more precisely the best equivalent they’d been able to get during times of war, a hopeful gleam and a sigh of relief escaping him. “Perhaps two more weeks and you’ll be able to begin your new job.”
“Thank you, Doctor [F/N]!” He’d roared, still too accustomed to exclaim each sentence like the soldiers would do at camp.
“Please, it’s nothing.” The young woman smiled, before soon enough dismissing him. Just as he left her tent, he turned around with a wide smile.
“Oh - And, congratulations to you and General Gorou!” He saluted her, before leaving hastily.
[F/N] couldn’t help but smile, cheeks burning with a bright shade of red. Her fingers tapped the pen to her clipboard eagerly, heart pitter pattering as she thought back on the countdown ‘til the big day. She’d still find herself reminiscing back to the day she’d proposed to him, tearful gaze as she wrapped his bandages, pouring her heart out for him.
“Promise me you’ll be back!” She’d wept, Gorou’s ears lowering softly as he took his hand in hers.
“[F/N]... I promise you. I’d never ever leave you alone.” His words flowed with confidence, prompting her to look up at him as she sniffed her stuffy nose.
“Then promise me you’ll get back, and you’ll marry me once this war is over.” [F/N] had stuttered out, watching as his face suddenly burst with color. His hold on her hand had faltered, yet ultimately, under a trembling tone, he’d promised her.
She still would laugh occasionally, shaking her head as she sighed quietly. Goodness, she would’ve much rather had proposed in a more romantic setting, yet the overflowing emotions had made other plans. In the end though, they had indeed waited for the war to be over, Gorou returning to Watatsumi Island. Resting was necessary first and foremost, and after the fact, [F/N] had begun making preparations for their wedding, consulting with her beloved whenever he had time.
She was positively ecstatic, and even though she could most definitely notice the nervous gleam on her boyfriend’s face, he’d reassured her over and over he’d be fine. Gorou had always been a little more antsy when it came to more intimate subjects, yet [F/N] respected and loved him all the same.
She’d already sent out the invitations for their friends and family to come attend the ceremony, and amongst them was one of their closest mutual friends, Kaedehara Kazuha. He was due to reach land any day now, just in time for the wedding to take place under the blessing of their Divine Priestess, who, to [F/N], appeared happy for them.
Just as she wrapped up for the day, the sound of approaching footsteps could be heard, the cloth being moved to the side before a familiar voice called out.
“Hello, [F/N]. I hope I’m not intruding?” Kazuha called out with a warm smile, watching as the woman turned around to greet him with joy.
“Kazuha! You made it!” She quickly approached him, the friends enveloping in a tight embrace as they swayed to one side, then the other. They laughed in unison for a moment, retreating from the hug before she glanced at him with palpable happiness. “How have you been?”
“I’ve been doing great, thank you.” He nodded politely, a hand resting on her shoulder. “Thank you for the invite, I wouldn’t miss the ceremony for nothing.”
“Oh, please. We couldn’t not invite you nor the rest of the crew!” [F/N] beamed in response, inviting him to take a quick stroll throughout the beautiful Watatsumi landscape that surrounded her working station.
“How have you been? And Gorou, as well?” He quizzed, smiling as he glanced around, basking in the ethereal beauty of the island.
“We’ve been doing great. The injured soldiers have been recovering well, and Gorou’s been talking about some possible jobs he’s been considering on taking after retiring as a general - speaking of which… I still haven’t seen him today. He’s been rather busy…”
“There’s still a lot he must do, I presume?” Kazuha innocently assumed, watching as the man’s girlfriend nodded her head with confidence. “Even if peace has been achieved, him and Lady Sangonomiya are certainly still wrapping everything up to ensure the security of Watatsumi Island.”
“Mhm. I deeply admire them both.” The woman sighed with a content smile, watching as the nearest village to them bustled with activity, people actively putting their best effort as they worked their day away. “We’re lucky to have them here in Watatsumi Island.”
Kazuha nodded, smiling still. “How have the preparations for the wedding been going?”
“Oh,” Her shoulders tensed slightly, a dust of pink decorating her cheeks. “Mostly well. Gorou has been a little hesitant with making any mutual decisions, but he’s been ensuring me he’ll be content with whatever choices I make.”
“Nervous, mhm?” He’d chuckled, shaking his head slightly. He’d offered his friend a kind expression, a friendly pat on her back to accompany it. “If you need any assistance, I’m here to aid.”
“Kazuha, there’s no need-” Her eyes widened in surprise. “Though, of course, I deeply appreciate it! I just don’t want to burden our guests with boring wedding preparations.”
“Please, it’s not a burden.” He shook his head vigorously, palm placing against his chest as he bowed his head. “I simply wish to offer my support to two friends whom I cherish a lot.”
“Ah,” [F/N] couldn’t help but smile, chest beaming with joy. Kazuha was just precious. “Thank you, truly!"
It felt like a relief to have a friend helping with whatever last minute preparations were needed, and Kazuha offered insight [F/N] hadn't even considered when thinking by herself. The days were counting down quickly, and despite both being utterly busy, she sought her soon-to-be-husband every night, hoping to spend some time with him under the stars. He seemed more bashful than what was to be expected of the otherwise professional general, yet under the immense love and hopes [F/N] carried, she could only view him through rose tinted glasses.
"Tomorrow’s the day,” She’d breathed out, a smile accompanying the deep blush that adorned her pretty cheeks. She shyly held his hand, fingers playing with his ones as they remained together, walking slowly across the fields of their Island. “How are you feeling?”
“U-Uh,” He’d breathed out sharply, blue gaze averting hers as he looked into the horizon. His hand hesitated to find her own, to his side his girlfriend waiting patiently for his response.
“Nervous?” His fiancé quietly responded for him, watching as his tail and ears lowered in what she had assumed was vulnerability.
“I-I suppose that’s normal?” Gorou answered in a trembling tone, heart clenching as he felt her hold his hand tighter, squeezing him in a reassuring manner.
“Of course it is!” [F/N] responded, bringing herself closer before hugging him from his side. “I too am a little nervous… It’s a very important day, after all. But I’m sure everything will go well.”
“Mhm…” He’d nodded, eyes still out to the sea. It wasn’t long before they retired for the night, the following day beginning bright and early.
[F/N] had the help of friends preparing for the ceremony, the garbs proving a little difficult to get rightfully assorted. To a general and a medical assistant, such things were rather confusing to understand, and as such, a few of her closest female friends were quick to jump in and help making sure everything was rightfully prepared.
“No, no, this layer is under here-” An older woman was heard saying, taking the lead while [F/N] had her makeup applied and hair done.
She couldn’t be happier. As she watched herself through the mirror, she could feel her heart racing, eyes gazing back at herself as the echoing sound of the waves could be heard not far. Her mind wandered back to a particular event, not long after the war had ceased. She remembered taking a stroll through the pearly sands with Gorou, hands held together as their arms swayed softly, with rhythm. They held their shoes with their other hands, chatting and laughing before coming to a stop on a deserted spot and placing them to the side. Their feet were washed with the soothing waves as the cool waters brushed against them, the two gazing out into the horizon as they spoke of their hopes and dreams.
“I can’t believe we’ve won…” He’d confided in her, voice going more quiet as she offered him a reassuring squeeze. “I can’t believe I’m back in one piece, while so many…”
“Gorou… They would’ve wanted you to carry on.” [F/N] spoke softly, watching as he took a deep breath before nodding. Quietly, she passed him a few flowers, offering him a quiet and reassuring smile before he held her closer.
“Thank you.” He’d sighed softly, the two turning to the sea before praying together. “To a brighter future for Watatsumi Island.”
“Yes, for a brighter future.” She’d repeated, the two of them then taking a moment for their silent wishes.
“For a bright future with you, my Gorou.” She thought to herself, the pair throwing their flowers to the calming sea.
“You look radiant!” The welcomed voice to Kazuha beamed as he cut her off from her daydream. His face quickly shifted to confusion though, as the women urged him to leave them to prepare the bride.
“No, it’s okay!” She laughed with great joy, welcoming him inside. Turning in her seat, he took his hands in hers, smiling back before promising her helpers he wouldn’t be long.
“I just wanted to give you my sincerest congratulations one more time,” He proclaimed, his soul beaming with happiness simply to see his friend so happy. “May your marriage be blessed, and may the wind guide you both to happiness.”
“Thank you, Kazuha. We both deeply thank you.” [F/N] smiled, tearing up with emotions before having one of her friends frantically clean the corners of her eyes.
“Ah, no crying now! I just applied the eyeshadow, too!” She retorted lightheartedly, the bride chuckling quietly before murmuring excuses.
The room remained in high spirits for the entirety of the morning, [F/N] soon being fully prepared as her side of the wedding party remained oblivious to what was to come. Kazuha helped her and the rest of the party in bringing everything else needed to the shrine, where the ceremony was expected to take place. The bride was kept securely out of her groom’s sight, wishing to surprise him with her appearance as the ceremony was set to begin. Her legs couldn’t remain still, the woman clearly giddy to see her beloved as she finally tied the knot with him. Her hands grasped the shiromuku she wore, quietly nipping at her lower lip as Kazuha offered to remain close until the time came.
The sun was high before time had finally arrived, [F/N] waiting patiently to be signaled that the ceremony would begin with her arrival. She waited, and waited, time moved on, yet she patiently told herself delays were bound to occur. Many women who’d been married before her warned her of so, how schedules for weddings were very difficult to pull off without any bumps, so she didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. Her eyes were curiously gazing around, watching from afar the guests that waited as well, idly chatting away as even Beidou and her crew sat amongst the crowd.
It wasn’t until a soldier approached them, more precisely approached Kazuha, that an alarm rang inside her head. The samurai approached the young man after excusing himself from her side, the bride watching as they turned their backs on her before discussing something in private. [F/N] watched closely, Kazuha remaining calm in his body language before looking at the man with an indecipherable expression. He curtly nodded before they were left alone again, returning to his friend’s side as he cleared his throat.
“What’s the matter? Is everything alright?” [F/N] inquired softly, her head tilting slightly before watching him nod his head.
“Yes, no need to worry,” Kazuha focused his hardest to pull his calm demeanor off, waving over one of her friends that had helped her prepare for her wedding. “I only need to leave for a moment, they need me to help with something else. I’ll be back shortly, yes?”
“Oh, alright,” He watched with a clenching heart as she smiled his way. “Don’t take too long! The ceremony should begin at any moment.”
“Right,” He breathed out, and before anything else was said, he was gone, leaving the two women to converse while he was away.
As soon as [F/N] was out of his sight, Kazuha’s expression shifted to both horror and confusion. He could hardly believe the soldier when he’d hurried told him, how nobody could find the groom on his damned wedding day. In honesty, the wandering samurai stood currently more worried for his friend than anything, his will to believe in his friends until the very end keeping him moving as he joined with the others.
“I’m here,” He’d breathed out, the men gazing at him with just as worried expressions. “No one has seen Gorou, is that true?”
“W-We’re afraid so,” One man stuttered out, fingers running through his dark hair as they all looked at one another. “Last we heard, he was finishing getting ready in his montsuki… He requested he needed a minute, a-and we obliged- You know, thinking he just needed a breather!”
“Of course, it’s none of your fault,” Kazuha reassured the men, trying to remain level headed on amidst the confusion. “Still, this isn’t like him. We need to find him, and ensure he’s safe before [F/N] hears of this. Last thing we want is to stress her out more than she already is.”
“Right!” The men were quick to reply, soon scattering before searching all across the vicinity, and even further beyond into the island.
Some even went as far as going further south, closing in on Gorou’s personal quarters in their search of him. Kazuha aided in the search of course, discreetly requesting Beidou and the other members of the crew to distract [F/N] while they sorted everything out. Even though his hope for his friend shone brightly, something in the pit of his stomach told him this was very wrong. Something wasn’t right, the wind blew to his ear. He could feel his heartbeat increasing as he moved swiftly, dedicating his search near the main shrine in hopes of spotting his friend.
“Lady Sangonomiya?! Goodness, Lady Sangonomiya, where have you gone!” He heard one of the shrine maidens shout out, his eyes gluing on the figure before approaching. Kazuha could watch as other maidens gathered around the older woman, all with horror written on their faces as she held a crumpled piece of paper in her hand.
“What’s the matter?” Kazuha’s voice could be heard, his gaze narrowing ever so slightly as he watched the women jump in unison upon realizing his arrival. “Did Lady Sangonomiya hide somewhere?”
“L-Lord Kaedehara,” One of the shrine maidens murmured, the long sleeves hiding her nervous expression as she was quickly ordered to hush. It didn’t go unnoticed by him, however, who reached their side with an equally worried expression.
“Kazuha is alright,” He quickly corrected, before searching for answers with the women. “[F/N] has told me she has a little hideout where she often spends some time alone, have you searched in there?”
“We have searched everywhere,” The older woman sighed in defeat, her head shaking as her tone trembled with both anger and disappointment. “We cannot find the Divine Priestess, and-”
“She’s missing too?” He breathed out, his heart growing heavier as he subconsciously pieced everything together.
“Oh no- He knows-” Someone behind the maidens facing him squeaked, his head rapidly turning in her direction before she cowered away in horror.
“Know what?” Kazuha quickly questioned, his normally warm gaze narrowing before turning to the elder maiden.
Seeing no reason to attempt to fix the chaos that had ensued, the woman’s expression faltered, Kazuha’s following with sheer surprise as he waited for a verbal explanation. The shrine maidens murmured to one another, words of disbelief rippling through the air as they all voiced their discontentment with the outcome.
“Lord Kaedehara,” her eyebrows furrowed as she finally ceased to attempt hiding the letter she held in her hand. The woman carefully passed it to him, watching as he moved slowly to take it in his grasp. “I… I’m most regretful to give you this, yet… We found this in Lady Sangonomiya’s quarters not long ago this morning.”
Kazuha carefully flipped the letter open, the delicate penmanship being a clue of its authenticity. His gaze scanned through the words Kokomi had written, expression shifting as his heart churned in horror to what he read. His mind attempted to process what was before him, all the while the women discussed in a hushed hurry just how they were supposed to go on from there.
“To whoever finds this letter, me and Gorou have decided to elope. Looking for us is futile, for whenever this is found amidst my personal headquarters, we’ve long gone. I regret for you all to have to find out like this, and to you all, I sincerely apologize. To [F/N], I apologize even more, yet neither of us can deny the love we feel for one another. For all that we’ve been through, we’ve come to terms that we do not wish to solely remain as friends, but what we feel transcends beyond that. I hope you may all learn to forgive us for this selfish act, but the heart wants what it wants.
Yours truly, your Divine Priestess
Sangonomiya Kokomi”
What had he just read, Kazuha repeatedly thought to himself. He couldn’t hide his disbelief, never having even entertained the thought of either of them being able to stab their friend on her back. His heart clenched for [F/N], the way she’d voiced her admiration for them both crossing back in his mind. [F/N]... His head turned around to look at them, trying to come back to earth to quickly deal with the situation.
“Are we absolutely sure you’ve looked everywhere for Lady Sangonomiya?” He inquired, his grip on the letter tightening to a point where his hand slightly trembled.
“Y-Yes, we haven’t yet found her nor General Gorou.”
“We must leave for the island’s harbor- We may yet still be able to catch them before they flee.” He frantically explained to them, the maidens hastily nodding their heads before trying to successfully deal with the situation.
The women dispatched some of Gorou’s soldiers, hastily explaining the situation to them before they were off to the small harbor they had built on their island. Panic was rapidly building up, disbelief and even disgust for their general’s actions spreading through the soldiers that attempted to find them both before it was too late.
Kazuha himself joined the search, wishing to bring them to reason before everything crumbled to pieces. All he could think about was his worry for [F/N], who for all he knew, still waited for her fiancé by the altar. As he passed by the front of the shrine, his eyes crossed with Beidou’s, who quickly deduced something was deeply wrong. His mind panicked, not for the Captain of his ship knowing, but for not seeing [F/N] by her side.
“What’s happening out there, Kazuha?” Beidou had asked him, arms folding across her chest as her face frowned in worry.
“It’s a horrible mess,” He’d confessed, fingers resting against his temple as he looked around. “Where’s [F/N]? Did she leave your side?”
“She was growing worried for General Gorou, it was becoming harder to keep her anchored to her spot.” She reasoned, head shaking from side to side as she continued. “Then, we heard some shrine maidens pass by, murmuring about their Priestess being missing too. What’s that all about?”
Kazuha bit the inside of his cheek, his head spinning with worry as he cursed their predicament. It wouldn’t take long for gossip to flow back to [F/N], her finding out the tragic truth in the absolutely worst way possible. As he fumbled with his sleeve to take out the letter he still held, he sighed heavily to Beidou.
“Do you know which way she went?” He hastily inquired, presenting her the crumbled letter.
“That way, I believe.” Beidou pointed to the way where they’d come from before reaching the ceremonial sight, hesitantly taking the piece of paper.
“This should give you a brief idea of what is happening. Please, do your best to contain the gossip, I promise I’ll make it up to you for this ordeal.” He sighed before he was gone with the wind, his feet carrying him swiftly through the soil of the island.
His heart was beating wildly in his chest, breathing rapidly as he looked every possible way for the sight of [F/N]. His mind raced with all possible scenarios, hoping he wouldn’t be too late to still shield her from finding out in a terrible manner. Kazuha found himself cursing repeatedly, trying to find any possible reasoning as to why Gorou would ever think of betraying his lover in such a bitter fashion.
His feet came to a halt as he reached the small village in which [F/N] resided, the sight of her elegantly dressed figure appearing in the distance as she looked around. He found himself sighing in temporary relief, her expression appearing far too calm for someone who would’ve found out what had transpired earlier that morning.
“[F/N]!” He’d beckoned her, watching as she turned around with a worried expression. To her side were two women, her closest confidants as they helped her search on her own whilst ensuring her bridal gown remained undirtied.
“Kazuha! Have you seen Gorou anywhere?” She hastily reached his side, the samurai taking her hands in his. Her glimmering gaze jumped around still, his heart clenching within his ribcage as it broke in her name. “I’ve heard he’s been gone for a while… Surely he’s just trying to gather his thoughts, but I’m getting worried…”
“[F/N], I…” He found his words choking him, unsure of how to even tackle the situation. The way she eyed him nearly broke him, the thought of having to break the news to her sounding far too cruel. Yet all the same, his friend deserved to know the truth, bringing him to an awkward position. The otherwise eloquent poet found himself in a stalemate, unsure on how to voice himself for once.
“If I find either of them they’re dead meat!” A sudden roar could be heard, Kazuha flinching quietly as he watched [F/N] turn her gaze to where the voices could be heard.
In the distance Beidou could be seen, hastily making her way to where the Crux had been anchored for the time being. Her men followed right behind her, an aura of pure anger emanating from them as everything seemed to come to a standstill.
“Kazuha?... What’s happening?” [F/N]’s voice lowered, seeking answers on the face of her close friend.
He took a breath in, eyes closing for a mere moment. “[F/N]... I can’t believe I’ll have to be the one to break the news to you, but-”
“Is Gorou alright?!” She cut him off, her voice trembling as her grip on his hands tightened.
Kazuha’s heart finally broke for her, her worry for him no longer being justified. For all he cared, his friend’s getaway ship could sink at that very moment, for he no longer viewed him as the valiant general he once thought he was. He nodded his head, gazing to the girls that remained by their side before quietly telling them to give them a moment alone.
“As far as we’re aware he’s alright, but… Here, let’s take a seat okay?” He calmly suggested, bringing her to the side before they sat together on the steps that led to their humble house. Kazuha continued to hold her hands, looking to the ground for a solid moment before finally coming out with it. “[F/N], I’m so sorry. But the truth is, we believe that Gorou and Lady Sangonomiya have… Ran away, and eloped together.”
Kazuha’s experiences in his rather rough life couldn’t have ever prepared him for the way he watched his friend break in front of him. Her expression, at first starting calm yet worried, slowly warped to confusion, disbelief, then finally hitting hard with all the sorrow and anguish.
“W…What?” She’d let out in a trembling voice, the tears rapidly building up in her eyes. “S-Surely you’re kidding… Right? This has to be a big misunderstanding… Right?”
The way Kazuha eyed her quietly was enough of an answer for her. His usually warm smile was replaced with an empathetic frown, his calloused thumbs stroking the back of her hands as she slowly let go of his hands.
“No… N-No, no I simply can’t believe that, surely there’s another explanation for this… Right Kazuha? Right?... He…” Kazuha’s hands slowly reached for her face, stroking her cheeks as his thumbs wiped her tears away. “He would never… They’d never?...”
“I’m so sorry, [F/N]... I really am sorry…” He quietly murmured, his forehead resting against her own as he hushed her softly, her hands gripping against his wrists as they remained there.
“How… How did you find out? Why did they do this?... Why…” [F/N] was downright sobbing at that point, her tears overflowing his attempts to hold them back, running down her reddened cheeks as they dripped down to her until then immaculate shiromuku.
“Lady Sangonomiya left a letter in her quarters explaining their absence.” He explained with a soothing tone, eyebrows furrowed in pain as she lowered her head, hiccuping in anguish.
“How could they do this!...” [F/N] muttered, her anger coming out choked amidst her sobs as her voice cracked. Her words came out slurred amidst her sobs, Kazuha gently rocking her from side to side as he hushed her calmly. “I trusted them! I thought that… That he loved me… How could he…”
Her friends were rushing back with panic in their eyes, having too heard of the terrible news. Their hands held their kimonos slightly up so they could run, yet when they found the two of them on the set of stairs, the two women stopped moving. They shared a glance with Kazuha, the man quietly asking for them to remain back. It was too late, and [F/N] had finally come to learn of the bitter truth of her once-to-be-husband.
She’d been left at the altar, a fate no bride ever wished to experience.
“He’s horrible! He’s… D-Despicable! I hate him!” [F/N] sobbed louder, her nose puffy as she sniffled against Kazuha’s warm embrace. He was still attempting to dry her tears, his hands offering her a droplet of comfort amidst the sea of sorrows she felt.
“He is.” The samurai agreed with her, his own tone low as he urged her to let it all out. “He’s the absolute worst, undeserving of you, [F/N]...”
“How could he betray me like this! HOW COULD HE!” [F/N] finally screamed it out, finding solace in his arms as he held her tightly. His hand came to rest atop her head, stroking through her elaborately done hair as he continued to rock them gently. Kazuha’s chin rested against her, biting his tongue before he would say even worse things about his previous friend. Instead, he hushed her softly, providing the needed comfort as his gaze wandered into the distance.
What was supposed to be the happiest day of her life quickly turned into possibly one of the worst. No longer did Watatsumi Island feel like home for [F/N], no longer did the once beautiful scenery feel like where she belonged. The home she once shared with her beloved now felt disgusting, her love for it turning into desire to watch it burn. No longer was their house filled with laughter, it now drowned with a sea of tears as she hastily gathered every important item she owned. Every picture of them was broken, the shiromuku she’d worn on their supposed wedding day was sealed back into a box and thrown to a corner.
For a few days the Crux had remained in Watatsumi by Kazuha’s request, both offering [F/N] their condolences and remaining on the lookout for either of the bastards that had caused her broken heart. Everything seemed to move in a blur, days becoming dull in the otherwise picturesque island… Thankfully, amidst the heartbreak, a beacon of light manifested itself in Kazuha, remaining by her side for as long as she needed to think of what to do next. He remained there, palm on her back, suggesting ideas for what to do next. [F/N] couldn’t thank enough for his presence, for he helped her gradually come to terms with her new reality.
And as the Crux fleet finally raised their anchor from the harbor, [F/N] gazed back one final time. She’d made up her mind, she was no longer at home in a place where she’d been betrayed by the two people she admired the most. As the ship finally began to sail, her hair blew in the wind, tears threatening to fall once more before she wiped them away. Nearby remained Kazuha, her gaze glued to her back as he silently offered his support in whatever decision she decided to make. In her hand, a lonesome flower blew with the breeze, her gentle grasp letting it fall before inevitably falling to the sea.
“For a brighter future… On my own.”
#genshin impact#genshin impact gorou x reader#genshin gorou x reader#gorou x reader#genshin impact angst#yoko drabbles
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We often frame the medicalization of intersex children, as Preves puts it, as based in an “impetus to control intersexual ‘deviance’ [that] stems from cultural tendencies towards gender binarism, homophobia, and fear of difference.” Yet the clinical history of the Harriet Lane Home leads to a different argument. Wilkins’s labored attempts to reconcile electrolyte metabolism and its sexual version through the technologies of hormones, salt, and patient charts describe a scenario where “control” is at most a perpetually deferred horizon, not an outcome. Cortisone therapy is more consonant with Repo’s argument that “the hermaphroditic subject was a subject of biopolitical potentiality: a subject who, through the surgical alteration of genitals, could be psychologically managed into a different-sex desiring subject and hence become a subject useful for the reproduction of social order.” Cortisone therapy was meant to address the young child’s plasticity in a normalizing sense, to remedy the adrenals at the same time that it feminized the body, recalibrating development along a binary trajectory. However, in its salt-losing version, incredibly virulent embodied plasticity constantly interfered with the isolation of “sex” as a distinct “part” of the body, frustrating the metonymic slide from life-threatening medical conditions to arbitrary binary models of human phenotype and genitals. This inability to isolate sex was a dramatic incarnation of the epistemological crisis of sex that plasticity had generated over the first half of the twentieth century, and it manifested specifically on the endocrine ward as a radical metabolic openness to the environment. As Wilkins so often found, diet and stress in the clinical setting often overrode the action of cortisone in the midst of treatment, throwing resonance off without advance warning.
[…]
The reason that Wilkins was willing to cling to binary sex in cases of salt-losing CAH, I argue, even when that could put the life of the patient at risk, is that the binary imperative was a racialized phenotype. The crucial detail was scrupulously recorded by Wilkins in a 1952 article he published in Pediatrics: each of the patients upon whom he experimented to produce the protocol for salt-losing CAH was “a white female” or “a white infant.” That whiteness names an investment in a racial normativity that had previously been articulated as eugenic stock during Young’s surgical paradigm. As the transition to the postwar era heralded the end of an explicitly eugenic language of race improvement and extermination in the life sciences, the eugenic preoccupations that had typified endocrinology during the interwar period rhetorically faded. It would be a mistake, however, to assume that the eugenic techniques underwriting modern endocrinology similarly ended in the 1950s. On the contrary, the experimental use of cortisone illustrates continuity in practice. Wilkins aimed to resolve a metabolic condition that would simultaneously normalize the growth rate, metabolism, and sex of the body, directing it toward a binary phenotype that was merged with the resolution of the salt-losing crisis. The whiteness of these children was so valuable as a racial formation that it allowed Wilkins to justify putting children’s lives at risk to achieve a binary sex as humane practice, presaging Morland’s argument about Money.
Jules Gill-Peterson, Histories of the Transgender Child
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Heya! I was wondering how medication and medical devices work in the ranchers au. Most devices need replacing quite often and after five years, many medications would be out of date and useless or even dangerous.
I definitely get if it's just a case of, they don't go off, since medicine is confusing but I was curious since it could lead to plot.
I should say that I specifically don't get into this stuff much just because I don't know much about it and I would rather keep things vague than accidentally impart incorrect information. As well as the fact that it is ultimately a biopunk setting with differences to our world. That said, have more rambles than I expected.
Right you are, there's in fact not a lot of medication left. People hoard anything they find but most is long expired. The hospital is lucky to have two doctors and Scar who know a bit more about medicine than the average person, but a lot of whats kept is just praying it still works.
Cleo thanks to being a gorgon is also in the drug development business, though she specialized in developing antivenom, but she not only knows but can help develop certain medicines. She and Scott have made quite a thing of their inn and I kinda wanna touch on it in the future.
Shubble, Katherine, Gem, Impulse, and Pearl know home remidies for a lot of things and have specifically been growing and creating them. These aren't going to replace complex modern drugs for specific conditions obviously, but they work and its easy to pass it around with the help of the radio station.
Overall, on bad days, Tango generally has to grin and bear it with homemade pain killers at most. It's rough and it contributed to the second wave of population decline after the first wave of zombie deaths. It's Scar's goal to specifically help survivors with this sort of thing, though.
As for medical equipment, it's a bit grim but since there's such a small population now and the hospitals were the first to go there was a lot of spare equipment from storage and patients left behind. In part because of Scar's own medical needs and in part for their desire to help others, Scar and Cub, and later Grian, collected what they could from abandoned hospitals and care homes.
It's obviously not going to cover everything, materials break down and as far as replacing them or things that need customization there isn't a factory just down the road that makes it all in house.
This is where I take the most artistic liberties, but Tango, with Doc and Zed, is the one to maintain Jimmy and Scar's equipment as well as his arm. Whether that's patching the existing, altering replacement, or crafting new parts. He knew a good bit from his job and hobbies but he's spent the past 5 years learning specifically how to diy for Jimmy and himself. It's not perfect but it's the best they have.
This is still a bit of a soft biopunk setting at the end of the day with mutliple species and genetic modification, I imagine it might be a little bit easier to get hold of certain things than it would be in real life. I also think they live in a very different economy, and its probably easier to find sturdier and custom made items due to the variety of their society making mass production more difficult. This leaves the problem of certain species not responding to certain medicines though and needing more specialized treatment.
The degredation of materials is something I do try to take into account, which is the reason gas power is nearly nonexistent, but it's hard to take everything into account and sometimes I would rather not, simply because it allows more stories to be told if something is available but difficult to get rather than impossible. I'm not great with drawing or knowing technology so it's easier to just say something is jerryrigged than it is to actively illustrate how they did it. If it seems it might be possible I allow it.
The important thing to me is to consider the types of people who would think about these things first and if anyone might be that person. You know, someone with asthma is going to think of medication and figure out how to get it, a truck driver might know where to go for storages of specific supplies instead of raiding malls, and a historical reenactor might think of how to get and create sustainable materials. Everyone leads a life that puts certain things at the forefront of their mind that other people probably wouldn't think of at all. Especially going from a modern specialist society collapsing into a society that requires generalized knowledge. And the saved knowledge of these things didn't turn to dust the second the apocalypse hit.
Life's not as rough as it might be in other apocalypse media, just because I guess I generally don't really care for the unrralistically cynical outlook a lot of american apocalypse stories are made in for drama's sake. This is a story about people caring about and helping one another, and developing a new life for themselves. If they don't have access to something, people work together to make due with what they have.
#raau ask#raau notes: technology#raau notes#raau notes: setting#raau notes: character#raau notes: ranchers#raau notes: art
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The term "anti-depressant" is incredibly insidious to me.
It implies that depression is some solid, identifiable thing, a disease in the brain that can be specifically targeted and directly counteracted by the right formulation of medicine. That is not what anti-depressants do. Anti-depressants are a mind-altering drug that induce a certain mental state. Their status as medicine is one of social construction: they are not any more or less inherently medicinal than alcohol or LSD. And certain people have decided that this mental state is preferable to the symptoms of depression--or at least that it will make a depressed patient more able to "function in society" (i.e. go to work.)
"Depression", of course, does not refer to a specific condition: it is rather a term that groups together a nebulous set of symptoms, not the thing that causes those symptoms. This is true of most psychiatric designations. And though the serotonin and chemical-imbalance theories of depression have been largely discredited, the drugs developed on these theories (mainly SSRIs) are still prescribed en masse and are referred to as simply anti-depressants. One big problem with studying the efficacy of these drugs is that it must be done almost entirely through self-reporting; through asking patients if they believe the drugs they're taking are helping.
For my part, I was prescribed ADHD medication when I was 8 years old. When I was 14 I told my parents I was thinking about killing myself, and I was started on anti-depressants: for around the next decade I would cycle through several different SSRIs, other anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, and anti-psychotics. All of these made me feel terrible in different ways. After a suicide attempt at 23 landed me a stay in the psych ward, I threw all of my meds in the garbage at once and blocked my psychiatrist's number.
And thru all those years of taking the meds, every time, every single time they asked me, "Do you think the medication is helping?"...I would say yes!!! Even as I was getting worse! Even as I was at the absolute lowest point of my life, which I only just barely survived! And I said yes because I really, really wanted the medicaiton to work. Of course I did. I needed it to: I was dying. And I thought that some group of smart doctors had come up with this pill to counteract my exact condition, so I reasoned, "well, I feel different, so I guess that must be the medicine killing the depression."
Well, I was lied to. I fell for the propaganda machine designed by faceless pharmaceutical companies who would gladly see me dead if it meant they had profited off my prescription. If you are on any kind of mental health medication, and you feel it's helping, I am not telling you to stop. But I am asking you to ask yourself: do I actually like the way these things make me feel? If you do, then that's fine. I'm a big proponent of taking drugs that make you feel good. But remember that that is all they are. A drug that makes you feel a certain way. Not a cure.
I know making the choice to go unmedicated carries a massive social stigma: many times when I tried in the past I was shamed back into the drugs very quickly by doctors, family and friends alike. But I can tell you that I am 5 years clean of any and all psychiatric drugs and I have never felt happier or more in control of my mental health.
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i am a very medical person when it comes to DID, like i've researched my own condition and been in professional DID therapy for four years now, and i am very passionate about being a person with a disorder/disability, in a grounded sense. i have a lot of frustration toward the internet's treatment of DID as some sort of magical/mystical thing, something that would make a person with DID vastly different from anyone else. DID is just PTSD pushed to its most complex, yaddayadda i won't go on a psychology/science ramble here. but.
at the same time DID directly influences your experience with life and identity since you are a child, a traumatized child at that, and it is an experience i have been living all my life. it is impossible to remove my DID from me, similar (but not exactly the same of course) to how it is impossible to separate me from my autism. my brain developed this way and even if i wanted & achieved "final fusion" i would still always have a DID brain that could split again in the future.
so while i strongly acknowledge that i have a disorder and want to be viewed as such, it's not ALL that. DID influences every aspect of my identity and life and therefore it is empowering to talk about it, make art about it, just be a person with alters. i certainly do not love having trauma and all the bullshit that comes with it but it has been essential to my work-in-progress healing to embrace the parts (no pun intended) of my experience that DON'T all fucking suck. i love disabled joy and part of that for me personally is finding joy with DID. it's like please do not forget this disorder and the shit i went through is horrific but also i am still a person and i experience joy and that joy is inseparable from my DID because my DID is inseparable from everything.
does this make sense. i hope it makes sense. i'm brainfogged as shit right now this might come off as word salad for all i know but i'm doing my best because i'm randomly really emotional about this tonight lol
#kiki was here#kiki.txt#please read this in good faith if you can#if anytihng is worded poorly im tired and not used to talking about this publicly with strangers often#also i don't speak for every person w DID#this is just my own personal path w things#dissociative identity disorder
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