#liam makes me feel weird inside
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Chapter 24:
Every time you call me crazy I get more crazy
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"You look like shit? Didn’t you sleep?" Daniel’s first words when he walked inside.
"Actually no. I haven’t." I bit back.
"Are you getting sick?"
"No. I just couldn’t sleep. Are you ready? Can we go?"
"Yeah. Just your suitcase and we’re ready to go, but remind me again, why you don’t ask your dad to drive you?" Daniel asked and I sighed.
"Because he and Liam will come on Friday. More driving. Less talking."
"Oh wow you’re really grumpy." he groaned.
"I just need to grab something and then we can go." I said and he nodded.
I opened the bathroom drawer taking out the blue pill packaging and popped one of the pills out, swallowing it dry, when Mum walked in.
"What was that?" she asked curiously and I looked at her.
"Birth control?" I threw the package into my toiletry bag before Mum fished it back out.
"Is it a new packaging?" she looked at it and I shook my head "A new one? Why?"
"The one I was taking won’t be produced anymore? So now I’m taking this one." I said and she read the back of the package.
"Does it have the same hormones and stuff?" she asked and I shrugged my shoulders.
"I don’t know? As long as it’s doing its job." I said but then I took in a deep breath. Awkward.
"I pretend like I didn’t hear that… but Lizzie, switching to a different pill is nothing you should take easy. You might experience some side effects while your body adjusts to the new one? How long are you taking it already?" she sounded really concerned and I took the package out of her hand.
"Taking the last one of this package on Sunday. And it’s the first month with it. And I’m feeling good. No side effects. Can I please go now? This conversation is… weird. Go talk with Sissy about this kinda stuff." I threw the package back in my toiletry bag again and kissed her cheek "I see you in Monza? Before Monza? I don’t even know myself?"
"Yeah we’ll figure it out. But Lizzie, sweetheart? Please keep the side effects in mind! Just in case!" she said and I sighed.
"Yup. I will." I went back downstairs where Daniel still waited "Ready?"
"Ready!" he opened the door for me, taking my duffel bag out of my hand and loading it in the trunk of my car.
As soon as we were inside I took my shoes off and leaned back.
"Can you make it in under 4 hours?" I joked.
"It’s your car. Every speeding ticket I will get is yours to deal with, then yes."
"Go for it!" I closed my eyes. Trying to get at least a little bit of sleep.
Failed attempt.
"Welcome back to the second half of the season, Lizzie! How are you? How was the summer break? What did you do?" Will Buxton asked.
"I am fantastic! Thank you. The summer break was way too short, I could use some more time with my family and friends! But it was also way too long because I can’t wait to get back in my car again! And as for what I did, I spent some time with my family, then a little with my friends and then I focused on getting back in shape. A lot of work outs." I smiled at him and he nodded.
"Lizzie, we know that Spa, after the Nürburgring, is your favourite race track. How excited are you, breezing past this historical track this weekend with an F1 car?"
"You have no idea! I honestly can’t wait to get in the car and just go for it! Race like there is no tomorrow!" I said euphorically.
"What can we expect from Audi this weekend?"
"Our car should work around here quite well, at least on paper. So yeah, I’d say something great!"
"Something great?"
"Oh yes."
P8. Decent. Not more. Not less. Nothing great.
"Lizzie, how was it, driving a Formula one car around this track, racing up eau rouge?" Lawrence Barretto asked.
"Well. After not the best feeling and results on Friday. An okayish Saturday… today was a bit of an up. The car felt better. The race was fun. We maximised our point as much as possible with Valtteri in P7 and me in P8. There wasn’t much more in it for us this weekend."
"You were quite- umm… euphoric, at the beginning of the weekend, in terms of Audi’s performance, what lead to that? And why didn’t the great as you had prognosed happen?"
"Yeah, I had a good feeling and was excited to race again and I let the data fool me a little. I was hoping for a better result, if I’m honest, but we’ll come back stronger next week in Zandvoort."
"Thank you, Lizzie!" one last smile and it was done.
Julie and I walked in silence back and before we reached our hospitality, she pulled me aside.
"Are you okay?" she asked and I nodded, slightly confused "You’re a little- umm how do I put this… you’re a little squeamish this weekend?"
"Squeamish? What do you mean? What? When?" I asked her.
"You were sometimes overly optimistic, the next minute you were… more reserved? Maybe even sensitive? You just were a little off the whole weekend. What ever it is. You know you can talk to me if you need to?"
"Yeah sure, but it’s all good! Really!" I tried to appease her and she nodded, right as Paul bumped into us.
"Oh shit, sorry!" he looked at me and smiled "Oh it’s you, girls. Ready for a waaay to loo long meeting?" he stepped in between us and put his arms around our shoulders.
"Can’t wait…" I mumbled and he laughed.
"You guys go ahead, I have to make a call." Julie walked away.
"The weekend wasn’t too bad, you know?" Paul said and I shook my head.
"I made too many mistakes." I mumbled and he pulled me even closer.
"But P8 is not that bad! Come on! Cheer up a little!"
"It’s okay, I guess?" I sighed and looked up, saw how Charles’ eyes were glued to me, Paul following my look.
"He’s in the second fastest car and struggled, a lot, so I’d say his weekend was worse." Paul laughed loudly and I saw how Charles walked away.
"Very funny." I groaned and we entered the Audi hospitality.
"Oh, come on! I’m just kidding!" Paul rolled his eyes and pulled his arm from my shoulder.
"And always jokes on Charles’ expanse."
Before Paul could answer Pete waved me over and I walked off, thankful to leave this conversation behind. Just this last meeting and then back to the hotel. And then back to Monaco.
"Alright. Run down. Just the flat itself, rank them worst to best." Charles handed me my salad.
"Umm- I don’t know? I have to consider everything not just the flat? The price, the neighbour hood? That one I liked but is on the 5th floor with no elevator? Not so easy!" I sighed, stabbing my salad half-heartedly.
"This way it’s easier? Rank them first and then we’ll talk about the price, the pros, the cons. But we have to start somewhere." he said and I put my bowl down leaning back, closing my eyes "Come on Lizzie, don’t think too much."
"Stop rushing me!" I hissed and Charles looked at me "You think telling me over an over to stop thinking is helpful? It’s not, just so you know!" I sat back up and grabbed my salad, shoving a fork full in my mouth.
"I’m sorry cara mia but you said you want to narrow it down to 2 options today…" Charles said.
"I know! But you… this… uggghhh! I can’t decide, okay?" I looked at my salad and groaned "God I’m so hungry and this salad is just… bland and soggy. I want fries. Or a Pizza. Literally anything is better than this half dead salad."
"Oh. Umm… I made it the way you always make it. Maybe I- I don’t know. Maybe I did something wrong?" Charles said a little dejectedly, grabbing my bowl and getting up. The way his shoulders slumped down made my heart clench.
"Wait! I’m sorry! The salad is fine! It’s good. I’m sorry… I don’t know what’s wrong with me today? Maybe this whole moving to Monaco thing isn’t the right decision? Maybe I should think about it again? I don’t know? Having my own place? That’s a lot of responsibility? I don’t know if I’m ready for that? I mean, I can’t even narrow the list down? Yeah, let’s- let’s don’t do this today? Just forget about it!" I rambled and Charles looked at me confused.
"Are you okay? You’re a little… off?" he asked carefully.
"What? Because I don’t like your salad?" I snapped and clapped my hand over my mouth "I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry! What is wrong with me today?"
"It’s okay, come here." Charles sat down next to me and pulled me into his lap "You’re stressed. It’s a lot going on right now. You’re just a little out of it today." he kissed my temple "Hey! Don’t cry? It’s okay!" he wiped a stray tear away and made me look at him.
"I don’t even know why I’m crying? I was mean to you and now I’m crying? What is wrong with me?" I sniffled a little.
"You have a bad day. We all have them, it’s okay." he kissed my cheek "Tomorrow will be better."
I really hoped that he was right.
Charles POV:
"Why aren’t we flying with Max more often?" Lizzie asked and I chuckled.
"Because we fly with vista most of the time." I answered and she rolled her eyes.
"You mean you fly vista and I have to fly commercial because your team doesn’t want me in their jet anymore…"
"It won’t happen again, okay?" I said and she shrugged her shoulders.
"I’m asking Max in the future. When I live in Monaco I could join him."
"So you still want to move here?" I asked carefully.
"Of course? Why wouldn’t I?" she said and I sighed.
Since yesterday it was a constant up and down. One minute she wanted to move. The next she didn’t. One minute she wanted fries. The next a yoghurt. I seriously was at my wit’s end. Thankfully the car stopped and we got out. Max was waving at us and Lizzie hugged him as soon as we were at the jet.
"Thanks for taking us with you! Ferrari doesn’t want me anymore!" Lizzie said to him and walked up the stairs.
Max looked after her, cocking an eyebrow as soon as he turned to me again.
"Don’t ask. But yeah. Thank you for letting us tag along." I clapped his back.
"No worries mate!" he laughed and we got inside, where Lizzie sat next to Penelope, reading a book with her.
"Hey Charles." Kelly greeted me and I hugged her.
"Hey Kelly, how are you?"
"Good as always." she smiled and sat down in front of Penelope and Lizzie.
I smiled at the little girl, she waved back smiling and then I followed Max to the back of the jet.
"Home race? Excited?" I asked Max and he shrugged his shoulders.
"I mean it’s home. Of course. But last year it proved to be a track I’m doing well so, yeah we’ll see." he said and I nodded.
"I wish I could say that I’ll give you a run for your money… but no. I’m not sure if our car will work there." I chuckled a little.
"I’m sure you’ll still be a pain in my ass."
"I’ll try."
I watched Lizzie intently the whole flight. She played with Penelope. Read her stories about fairies and princesses. Coloured in some pictures with her. And I could swear that I even saw Lizzie wiping away a tear once.
As soon as we arrived and got out of the jet we said goodbye to Max, Kelly and Penelope and headed straight to our hotel.
"I think I’m lying down for a bit." Lizzie came out of the bathroom, already changed into sweatpants and shirt, clutching her stomach.
"Are you okay? You’re a little pale?" I put my hand on her forehead to check her temperature "And you’re a little warm?"
"My stomach is a bit in shambles and I’m tired… but I’m fine, really. Just exhausted." she kissed my cheek and plopped down on the bed, snuggling into the sheets "Wake me up if you want to go out for dinner, or order something, okay?"
"Yeah, sure. Rest a little." I closed the curtains and left the room, right as I received a call from Sylvia. Great. "Sylvia." I greeted her while shutting the balcony door behind me.
"Charles. Tomorrow there are some shoots planned. Mia will send you the exact details later on. Then there is also a dinner tomorrow in the evening, you and Carlos need to attend."
"Okay. Anything else?" I sat down on the bench.
"There is one thing we need to talk about. It’s about Monza. It’s our home race, we have to represent Ferrari perfectly! Ferrari should be the main focus of everything. We can’t have any negative press next week, you understand?"
"You mean Lizzie is supposed to stay silent this weekend? You want me to tell her to not say anything slightly negative about Ferrari?" my annoyance hit the roof.
"Yes."
"I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but last weekend she didn’t say anything… although she was asked a lot…"
"It’s good that she finally complies!"
"She doesn’t have to comply to anything…"
"Charles. This is only about what’s best for Ferrari!"
"Whatever. If that’s all?"
"Yes."
"Ciao Sylvia." I hung up, closing my eyes. After a while I was dozing off.
"Charlie?" Lizzie’s quiet voice made me flinch "I’m sorry." she walked outside, sitting down next to me.
"Hey cara mia, how do you feel?" I pushed a strand of hair out of her face and she yawned.
"Hungry."
"Hungry? What do you want?"
"Fries and a chocolate milkshake."
"Fries and a chocolate milkshake? Are you sure? Your stomach is a little sensitive?"
"I just want something greasy and salty mixed with something sweet."
"Okay. Yeah sure, I’ll order it."
"No, wait… umm just- I don’t know order whatever you want that’s fine."
"I can order you a milkshake and fries? That’s okay?"
"No… I don’t want a milkshake anymore…"
"Cara mia what is it? We can order a milkshake? It’s fine!"
"I know that we can, but I- I only like that fudge brownie chocolate one from KFC…" she mumbled and looked down
"Umm… okay. I’m sure there is a KFC around here somewhere. You go back to bed and I go and get you that milkshake and some fries." I got up, gently pulling her with me.
"Are you sure? I can change and come with you and then we eat there?"
"No it’s okay. You lay back, I get the food."
"Really?"
"Yes! Really! Now hush and relax!" I kissed her forehead and left.
While driving I thought about the last couple of days and my mind always came to one conclusion. The one that made my stomach drop. Was I out of my mind for thinking that? I called the only person I knew who could help me.
"Hi Charles."
"Hey Marta, how are you?"
"Oh you know, some days are good, some days are not so good…"
"Yeah I know, I mean, no I don’t know obviously… but I understand…"
"How’s Zandvoort?"
"It’s nice."
"Okay… any particular reason why you’re calling?"
"Actually yes… what I’m telling you know… just tell me that I’m not going crazy, okay?"
"Umm… sure?"
"The last couple of days… Lizzie was- different. She had terrible mood swings, one minute she’s all giddy and giggly, the next she’s furious and scary and then she’s super emotional and cries… she has an appetite like a bear… wanting to eat literally everything, but then really just eats like a mouse, because her stomach is in shambles how she called it. She’s pale, tired and exhausted, also a little warm oh and now I’m on my way to KFC getting her a special chocolate milkshake and fries… Lizzie hates chocolate ice cream! But a chocolate milkshake is fine all of a sudden? That all sounds like… is she…"
"…pregnant?"
"Oh god. I- I was so thinking that it was just in my head."
"I mean, it sounds really typical, mood swings, exhaustion, weird cravings…"
"What am I doing now?"
"Talk to her? And then you have to decide…"
"I don’t understand it… I mean…" I stopped abruptly.
"You used contraception?"
"Yes! I mean… not always, she’s taking birth control, so yeah…"
"Hmm. Well it can happen. It’s not impossible… but- well it could have another reason, I think, was she like this ever before?"
"No? Why?"
"Well- god this is awkward. I never thought I would have this kind of conversation with you… actually with any other guy besides from Riccardo?"
"Just help me, Marta, please I’m freaking out!"
"Some girls are like this when they’re on their period. But if she was never like this before? Then yeah…"
"Really? I thought it’s just being moody and having cramps… although yeah, Lizzie never had anything like that?"
"You said she’s taking birth control? prevent you from going through all the troubles us girls are doomed with in this horrible week we have to experience every month."
"I’m sorry."
"Why are you apologising? It’s not like it’s your fault?" she laughed.
"I don’t know. Sorry."
"So. What are you going to do now?"
"Bringing Lizzie her food. And then try to talk to her?"
"Yeah… I guess that’s the only thing you can do… if you need someone to talk later on, you can call me, okay? Anytime."
"Thanks Marta. Really!"
"No worries, Charles. Take care."
"You too, on both of you!"
"I will."
Fucking hell.
I watched Lizzie eat and sip on her milkshake, thinking about how to approach the topic. How do you ask your girlfriend if she’s pregnant?
"Thank you Charlie." she kissed my cheek while happily munching on her fries.
My palms were sweaty. I had to just ask her. That’s all I could do. Ask her. Talk to her.
"Lizzie? Can we talk?" I asked and she looked up, nodding "How do I put this? Umm- the last days… you’ve been a little…"
"Overly emotional? Squeamish?"
"Yeah?"
"I know… and I’m so sorry! I have no idea why!"
"You don’t?" I asked carefully and she cocked an eyebrow.
"No? Why would I?"
"Okay. Cara mia, you know that I love you, right? And whatever happens, we’re in this together, okay?"
"What are you even talking about?"
"Mood swings, weird cravings, stomach bug, exhaustion? Lizzie… I think you’re pregnant." I waited for her reaction. Waited for the realisation to hit her. Settling in. Her expression changing. And I expected everything… but not her throwing her head back laughing. Tears rolling down her cheeks. Wheezing.
"Pregnant?" she breathed out, clutching her stomach.
"Why are you laughing? The way you acted these past few days?" I looked at her puzzled.
"Charlie! I’m not pregnant! I’m on birth control!"
"It’s still possible!"
"Yeah maybe, but I’m definitely not pregnant!"
"What makes you so sure?"
"Hmm. I don’t know? Maybe my period that started today?" she chuckled a little, sipping on her shake.
"Okay? But why… why are you so emotional?" I felt stupid. Confused.
Lizzie looked at me for a while, then she groaned and got up, returning a moment later with a small blue package.
"Oh how I hate it when she’s right."
"Who? What do you mean?"
"Mum! She saw that it’s a different one! And she warned me that there could be side effects!"
"I have really no idea what you’re talking about?"
"I’m taking new birth control pills for a month now! Mum said it could be that while my body adjusts to the new pills I would go through some side effects!"
"Oh."
"Oh indeed."
"Will you now always be like this?" I almost whispered it.
"God, I hope not? I was never like this? I can’t do that once a month! I can’t turn into this monster? I mean? Charles, I was driving myself crazy with how I acted!" she panicked a little and I held her hand and squeezed it.
"You weren’t that bad!" I tried to reassure her.
"I was! I was a crazy bitch! I definitely have to speak with my doctor about it as soon as I’m back home!"
"Okay, yeah, do that!"
We sat in silence for the next minutes, both lost in our thoughts. And although the thought of having a baby with Lizzie was something I definitely wanted, it was a thought for the future. Something we had yet to talk about. For now, I was relieved. A pregnancy now, would’ve meant that Lizzie had to give up her dream she fought so hard for. All the sacrifices, the hours of hard work, the blood, sweat and tears. The horrible treatment of the media over the past months. It would’ve been all for nothing. And that would’ve been unfair.
"Charles?" Lizzie patted my arm and I looked at her "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Sure. I’m just… I’m relieved that we solved the mystery of your umm-…"
"Unstableness?" she laughed and I rolled my eyes.
"You weren’t that bad! I mean… you did insult my salad, which I thought tasted not too bad, so yeah maybe unstable is the right word."
"The salad was good! Really! I never experienced something like that. I hated everything in that moment, including myself. What a cliché. Girl on her period gets grumpy and whiney and has weird cravings?"
"A little, yes. And that’s all because you switched the pills?"
"Mum said it could happen. I didn’t expect it to be like this to be honest."
"But you never had it before? Does that mean that… umm did the old one- god why is this so weird?"
"Talking about birth control pills and my period? Well… if you think it’s weird for you? Imagine how I feel…" and she was right. I just realised now, how flushed her cheeks were.
"Okay. This shouldn’t be this awkward. It’s normal, right? I know what happens during your- period. It’s a natural thing. You’re my girlfriend. We’re grown ups, we can talk about it."
"I guess so."
"Did you always take birth control? I know you since we’re 8. I never saw you acting like this?"
"I had my first period with 14 almost 15. Actually a little later than anyone I knew. But because of the racing I asked Mum even before I had it the first time if I could take birth control to regulate or no, the better word would be schedule, it. She was a little hesitant but we went to a gynaecologist and I explained why I wanted it and it was okay. So yeah I always took it, for 10 years now and it’s always perfectly scheduled."
"I didn’t know that you can schedule it? So you always have it on the same days?" I was genuinely curious.
"I take the pills for 21 days. Then wait for 7 days and then take the next 21 pills. One package consists of 21 pills. And in that break in between I have my period."
"And your pill always took care of the side effects of a period?"
"Yep. And I really hope this one does as well. I mean as soon as my body adjusts to it."
"Okay. Now I’m well informed." I chuckled a little and pulled Lizzie closer, her cheeks still slightly read "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, it’s just… I don’t even really talk with Mum about these kinda things? With Shima maybe, but yeah that’s it. But now with you? I guess I didn’t expect that?"
"Me neither, but it’s okay, no?"
"Weirdly yes?" she giggled a little and I kissed her temple "Shower, bed, movie?"
"Sounds good!"
After our last meeting I waited for Seb to leave his hospitality and waved him over.
"Lizzie, how are you?" he hugged me and I smiled.
"I’m good! You? How’s Hanna and the kids?"
"Oh you know us. All good."
"Yeah!" I chuckled a little nervously.
"So what is this secret little meeting about?"
"You remember that Spanish blogger? Journalist? Whatever? Yeah? I know he’s banned… but… can that ban be lifted?"
"Why? He was banned for 10 races, not 4."
"I know. It’s just that… I shouldn’t have give him this much attention! I should’ve just stand my ground! Ignore him. Be the bigger person. Show everyone that I don’t back down no matter what they’re throwing my way!"
"I don’t know Lizzie. There is a line when it’s just not tolerable anymore and he was crossing that quite a lot, especially after that article."
"I know. Sorry. I should’ve thought about that. Never mind."
"Is everything okay, Lizzie?"
"Yeah sure. I just wanted to, you know, held my head up and show the world that I don’t care about what they’re saying. Anyone. So having Diaz back here would be a good start. I’ve seen him ranting about how he got banned because of the article and many people said it’s only because I’m an emotional and sensitive girl that the FIA decided this… would something like this come up about another male driver they wouldn’t even react…"
"But you know it’s not true, right? Sure, the inappropriate questions he was asking was one of the reasons but that article played an even bigger part."
"Okay… thank you. I mean for yeah everything."
"I will talk with someone, maybe there is a way we can reduce the ban? Under certain conditions… I will let you know!" he hugged me and then left.
Back in my driver room I opened up Instagram and clicked on the family holiday dump. s.d.esp. That comment. I knew it was him. I could literally feel it. I opened a DM.
I talked to someone to lift your ban. I tried my best. The decision is out of my hands. The article was the main reason for the ban.
I watched the three dots anxiously. It felt like hours when the dots finally disappeared. And two words appeared.
Try harder.
"You’re quiet?" JK asked and I shrugged my shoulders.
"I’m focused."
"Okay, if you say so…"
"Yup."
We were warming up for quali and my stomach was still in turmoil. It was cramping like never before. Leaning against a wall I took a deep breath, watching how Andrea and Charles played football a couple of metres away. I picked up my jump rope and began again when Paul walked out with something to drink.
"Here."
"Thanks." I grabbed the bottle and took a sip before putting it down and warming up again, when a sharp pain in my lower stomach made me flinch "Fuck." I groaned.
"Are you okay?" Paul asked, grabbing my arm and I nodded "You’re pale?"
"I’m fine. I think I ate something bad." I mumbled and he stroked my arm up and down "I’m good. Really!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yep. I just need to warm up now. Need to focus." I grabbed the jump rope, that I dropped before and began my routine. JK coming back with a ball.
"Two sets and you’re done."
"Yeah."
I watched how Paul sat down on a box, his back to Charles and Andrea, who were still playing football. It didn’t even take 10 seconds for the ball flying through the air, hitting Paul in the back, making him jump up.
"Oooops! Sorry! Can you pass me the ball, please?" Charles shouted, a big grin on his face.
Paul mumbled something and threw the ball back, sitting back down on the box, right as the ball came flying back, hitting the back of his head. I could clearly see the anger rising in his face when Charles jogged over, casually picking up the ball, rubbing the back of his neck.
"I’m really sorry, mate! I guess now we now why I’m not a football player!" he chuckled and walked back to Andrea and I saw them high five.
"I go back to our garage, before he uses me as target again." Paul seethed and left.
"That was purely intentional…" JK laughed and I sighed a little.
"Yeah… probably."
"Good. Paul needs to back the hell off. I don’t know how many signals you already sent him to leave you alone, he doesn’t seem to get it."
"Uh-huh." I felt another wave of pain.
"Okay. What is going on? You’re in pain. I’ve seen it the past days every then and now? What’s going on?" JK took the jump rope out of my hand and pushed me down on the box.
"Nothing serious…"
"Care to share?"
"No."
"Hey cara mia, are you okay?" Charles stood in front of me.
"Yeah… it’s…" I sighed and pointed at my stomach and he looked at me confused but then he understood.
"Oh okay? Still?" he sat down next to me and I leaned against him.
"It sucks. I feel hot and my suit is like it’s too tight on me. God I hate it."
"You sure you can drive?" he whispered and I nodded.
"I have to. But I need to focus. I need to set my fastest lap at my first try."
"Can you just focus on driving safe?"
"I’ll try."
"Lizzie."
"Hey, that’s more than enough. I can’t do more right now!"
"Okay. Now come on. It’s almost time." he jumped down from the box and helped me get off.
Q1 was fine. No cramps. No nothing. But right as I started setting a time in Q2 another cramp made me flinch and I under steered. Knowing that correcting my mistake would cost some time, I decided to abort the lap.
"I need another out lap and then try again."
"Copy. Tyres looking good."
"Okay."
I inwardly cursed. I definitely had to talk to my doctor back home. I never felt this uncomfortable in the cockpit. The heat was abnormal and the pressure of the g forces, never a problem before, made me feel like my body could burst at any minute. But I had to work through it. I couldn’t let this stop me. I rounded the last corner and accelerated. Focus. I could do that. No matter what happened.
"That’s currently P3. Good job."
"Who’s still on track?"
"Charles, Max, Perez, Norris, Hamilton."
"Okay. I’m coming in."
"Alright."
I made it into Q3 and was ready to set a time. Determined to not let anything stop me, a red flag crashed all my hopes.
"That’s P6, Lizzie."
"Is Lando okay?"
"Yes, he is."
"Alright. Good job, guys."
I jumped out of the car, ready to get rid off my suit, which felt so uncomfortable. I shrugged out of it, rolled it down to my waist.
"You’re sweaty…" JK looked at my soaked fireproofs and I sighed.
"I feel like I’ve been in a sauna for hours. I need a shirt or something."
"Here’s a hoodie."
"Thanks."
As soon as I changed into the hoodie Julie picked me up for the interviews.
I walked back to the pits, shaking my head in disbelief. Helmet still on. Not even 2 laps in and my race was already over. After an amazing start, overtaking George and Carlos right at the start, the latter was retaliating with a risky move, slashing my whole side pod open, forcing me to retire the car. I watched as some cars used the safety car to pit early and sighed. I felt good today. After the last 3 days full of cramps and just don’t feeling like myself in the car, today was a good day. I was confident to achieve a good result, maybe even a podium today, and that start just proved me right.
"I’m sorry, guys. Maybe I didn’t leave him enough space?" I said as I walked up to the Audi pit wall, hugging Felix.
"You couldn’t do anything to prevent it. He drove straight into you. It’s under investigation."
"Okay."
I thanked my mechanics and the rest of the team and went straight to my interviews. Just to get it over with.
"Sorry again, Lizzie. More luck next week in Monza, hopefully!" Rachel Brookes from SkyUK waved me goodbye and I forced a smile.
"I go and change, then I’ll be back in the garage." Julie only nodded and left me alone. I changed and grabbed my phone, returning to the garage, where I grabbed a headset and sat down, watching the race. Charles did well, he didn’t struggle as much as he anticipated it. He battled with George more than once, switching between P2 and P3. Unfortunately Valtteri had to retire his car in lap 55 due to an . And our garage went dead silent. No one spoke, we all just watched how a mad Valtteri returned back to the garage, thanking the whole team, plopping down next to me. I patted his back and he sighed.
"Not the best weekend for us."
"Nope absolutely not." I chuckled bitterly and watched how Charles came closer to Max, but George also closer to Charles. Another lap gone as Charles reported that his tyres were gone and he was right, he slipped around the track and I wished the race was over every couple of seconds. And when it finally was, Max had won his home Grand Prix, with George in P2 and Charles in P3.
"Hey Lizzie." Joris hugged me when I joined him, waiting for Charles "Sorry about your race."
"Don’t worry, it’s okay." I said and he put his arm around my shoulder.
"Next week in Monza you’ll be back on the podium."
"If you say so!" I laughed and he squeezed my shoulder, right as Charles parked his car and got out.
"I know so!" Joris said, determined and I nodded.
"Okay. I believe in your words!"
Charles thanked his team when he saw me, taking his helmet off and Joris pushed me right into him.
"Good job, Charlie!" I smiled and he pulled me into him.
"I’m so sorry that your race ended this early, cara mia." he whispered and I nodded "Are you okay? Did you crash out?"
"No?" I sighed, he didn’t know what happened "I had to retire because my side pod was slashed open…" he pulled away, looking at me with big eyes.
"What happened?"
"Umm… I overtook George and Carlos right at the start and- well when Carlos had the chance to overtake he drove straight into me." I could see the wheels turning in his head, his look changing from confusion to anger.
"I had no idea…" he began but I shook my head.
"It doesn’t matter, it’s done! You go celebrate your P3 now! Come on!" I cheered him on and he hugged me before he walked off.
"It sucks, sure, but it is what it is." I sighed and Charles shook his head.
"It’s unfair! He didn’t even get a penalty? He went straight into you!" Charles was pacing back and forth "I honestly don’t know why he targets you all the damn time? What did you do to him?"
"I was honest? Criticised the team for favouring him in races where they shouldn’t have? I don’t know and I don’t care…"
"Lizzie… I don’t want you guys ruining each other’s races over and over again…" he sighed and sat down next to me.
"I never did anything! Tell him!"
"I already did! But I will have a talk with him again… this is getting out of hand."
"Next weekend is Monza. He will try everything to leave me behind…"
"Yeah. Monza."
"Don’t worry. I will only say nice things about Ferrari." I rolled my eyes.
"Lizzie…" he began but I leaned into him, putting my head on his shoulder.
"It’s okay, I really try my best to not say anything… I did it last week, I did it this week, even after your teammate ended my race, next week I’ll just do the same."
"I hate asking that of you." Charles sighed and kissed my head.
"You’re not asking for it, I’m just doing it… I know how Ferrari works. I don’t want to get you into trouble."
"What did I do to deserve you?" he whispered and I laughed and sat up, looking into his eyes.
"You’re the perfect guy, that’s what you did!" I kissed his cheek.
"Oh come on!" he laughed "When I’m the perfect guy, then you’re the perfect girl!"
"Probably not but okay." Charles rolled his eyes and pulled me into him.
"I just want this day to be over and fly back home, have a nice and relaxing day with you before the Monza madness starts." he whispered against my neck.
"Me too."
"I don’t want to leave you. I want to stay here. Stupid meeting."
"It will be alright. Come on. Off you go." I laughed and he groaned but got up.
"Okay. But only if I get a kiss." he sighed dramatically and I chuckled, cupping his cheeks and pulling him closer.
"If you insist." I sighed and put my lips onto his pillowy ones. He kissed me softly and I smiled into our kiss.
"Now I have the energy to leave…" he kissed my nose and straightened his back "I’ll pick you up." I nodded and he left.
After a couple of moments I got up as well, when I saw someone approaching me cautiously. As soon as I saw who it was, I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes.
"Lizzie." her voice overly sweet.
"Sylvia, how can I help you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why would you be lurking around behind the Audi hospitality if you’re not looking for me?"
"I’m not lurking around. I was looking for Charles."
"You just missed him."
"Good."
"Good." I said and turned a little, but she didn’t move "Just say whatever you have to say."
"Next weekend is important for us. Our team. As well as our drivers."
"I’m aware."
"We can’t have negative media attention."
"Wouldn’t be too good for you."
"So you agree?
"Agree?"
"That you shouldn’t be criticising Ferrari at this special weekend?"
"Ahhh, now we get to it. You want me to stay silent."
"Yes."
"You know, if Ferrari won’t fuck up, I will stay silent. It’s as easy as that." before she could reply I walked away.
I wouldn’t say anything about Ferrari, for Charles, I knew how much Monza meant to him. But Sylvia didn’t need to know that.
Little Note:
Chapter 24 - Well, nothing special happened here. I had some anons regarding my chapter length, so I tried to keep it a little shorter than usually this time. I also was asked about how and if Lizzie’s period would affect her on a race weekend. So I tried to bring it in a little. I googled a little and also talked with friends about well their period 😅 as someone who never had any issues at all, I had to find some sources 🤷🏻♀️
Next chapter: MONZA…
Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!
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Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!
Taglist:
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All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram (or self made).
#charles leclerc#charles leclerc 16#charles leclerc f1#charles leclerc fic#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc x female driver#cl16#cl16 fic#cl16 imagine#cl16 fluff#cl16 edit#cl16 x reader#cl 16#ferrari#scuderia ferrari#formula 1#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 fic#formula 1 fandom#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 fluff#formula 1 x female driver#f1#f1 writing#f1 fiction#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 x female driver#female driver
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Alfons Sylvatica
Collection Event: Absolutely Obedient Maid
I took some liberties in a few tricky places. I just think Al is a shameless tease and will usually lean towards such interpretation. He is definitely pushing the boundaries (or rather stepping over them) in this one, so enter only if you're up for it. Highly suggestive content ahead.
Alfons: "I'm surprised you've never tried this type of situational play..."
Alfons: "What kind of sheltered life have you led before?"
Alfons: "Ah, it's so thrilling to think I can corrupt you."
Kate: "This was not part of the deal... I'll sue you for fraud..."
Unaccustomed to wearing a maid's uniform, I felt my cheeks turn red and glared at Alfons.
Alfons: "Aha! Who are you going to appeal to? It's just a punishment game."
Liam and Alfons invited me to play cards in the common room, and my luck ran out the moment I haphazardly decided to join them.
I was utterly defeated, whilst Alfons was the winner.
As a punishment, I was ordered to be an "exclusive maid for a day."
Alfons: "... now, if you don't mind, please sit here. You're my maid after all, yes?"
Alfons: "You must absolutely obey your master's orders. If not..."
Alfons: "You never know what kind of punishment you might receive?"
(Ugh...)
The thought of sitting with my back turned towards him made me strangely nervous.
Kate: "Hmm, normally the master sits on a chair, and the maid stands beside him, right?"
Alfons: "I'm a kind master who lets his maid sit down."
(It's impossible to have one over Alfons with words...)
Kate: "Hmph...just don't do anything weird."
Alfons: "You're a troublesome maid, giving orders to your master."
Kate: "It's not an order, it's a request..."
I gave him a pointed look before sitting down on the chair.
Sensing his presence right behind me made me restless.
Alfons: "People love to role-play, don't they?"
Alfons: "Do you know the purpose behind it?"
Kate: "Purpose...?"
Alfons: "It's about being liberated. Forgetting your "true" self, leaving shame and common sense behind."
Alfons: "Focusing only on what makes you feel good."
He came around to face me, then rested provocatively against his desk and reached out his hand to me.
Alfons: "Please, take it off. Oh, and don't use your hands, use your mouth."
Kate: "...."
Feeling my face heat up, I bit the black leather glove that was wrapped around his fingertips.
(I decided to play along, I did lose that game after all)
(Besides, it's better than some more objectionable forms of punishment)
Though, why on earth did my chest begin to throb at the sight of his hand that gradually became more and more exposed---?
Alfons: "Heh, what did you imagine being done with this hand to make you look so indecent? What a shameless maid."
Kate: "..... there's nothing shameless on my mind."
Alfons: "Is that so? You're disqualified from being my exclusive maid if you can't even imagine anything indecent."
Kate: "Eh...?"
Alfons: "I have to train you so that when you take off the gloves like this, you won't be able to stop your lewd imagination."
(Are you going to show me an illusion and do something strange again?)
He was able to distort a person's perception simply by touching the nape of their neck with his bare hand.
I couldn't help but brace myself, thinking that his hand would reach my neck ---.
Kate: "Eh........hmm!?"
Unexpectedly, his fingertips were gently pressed against my lips.
When my mouth parted in surprise, I could feel them slip inside it.
(Wh ...... What are you doing ...... )
Alfons: "Heh, what a lovely face."
For some reason, his fingers were slightly sweet, like candy.
Kate: "Nn....., ah....?"
I couldn't control my voice when he started playing with my tongue.
Alfons: "Does it feel good? Haha, you're a talented maid."
He rubbed the sensitive parts of the tongue, then tickled the mucous membrane of the upper jaw,
Thick, watery sound stirred up unexpected images.
Alfons: "Here, please lick it properly yourself."
Alfons: "Isn't it just me doing all the work so far?"
Alfons: "It won't be over until you're willing to get yourself into a dirty tangle with me."
(....what are you like!)
It briefly crossed my mind that if I bit him hard enough, he would pull his fingers out of my mouth,
I could only imagine a future where such a mistake would be used as an excuse to toy with me even more.
Kate: "N......., n........!"
Alfons: "Heh.... yes, you're very good at it."
As I entwined my tongue around his fingers, a sweet whisper came out... I closed my eyes, trying to forget my embarrassment.
(Why am I doing this....?)
Kate: "Hah........, fuh......"
(...now I'm Alfons' maid......)
(Because if I disobey, I will be elaborately punished...)
(Ah......, my head is getting fuzzy. My tongue is.......hot. I feel like I'm going to melt.)
From time to time, his fingers were mischievously drawn in and out, causing my head to go numb.
(When will we be even? Is this not good enough? Is there a different way to do it?)
Growing impatient, I slightly opened my eyes ---
Alfons: "Well done. What a good girl."
My head was stroked with the palm of his glove-wrapped hand as if it were a reward.
(Oh, thank goodness. I managed in the end)
(......!?)
The moment I thought that in my dazed state--I suddenly came to my senses.
(What, "thank goodness"......?)
It was as if I had truly become an obedient maid. I felt my cheeks heat up.
Alfons: "Did you imagine something obscene again?"
He smiled pleasantly and noisily withdrew his fingers from my saliva-wet lips.
Alfons: "It was a rather clumsy service, but a good one for you."
Embarrassment and frustration welled up inside me at being played with and made to imagine all those things, just as he wanted it.
(I won't accept being toyed with like this)
Kate: "... truly loving each other would surely result in an even greater service."
Kate: "This should be enough for the 'play', don't you think?"
Alfons: "....my my."
Alfons: "You can say such provocative things with that pure mouth of yours."
Kate: "Ah......!?"
He rested his knee on the chair, splitting my legs apart.
I pressed my hand against the backrest, feeling trapped with nowhere to run.
Alfons: "I envy those who'd get to enjoy what you call 'an even greater service'."
Kate: "....you don't really think so, do you?"
Alfons: "No, no, I'm serious."
Alfons: "Alas... for me, 'true love' is a bit of a burden to be asked of myself or demand from someone else."
Alfons: "I'll just have to put up with the 'play' quality of service."
He gave me a faint smile and gently stroked my cheek with the back of his hand.
Alfons: "Well, a maid who served you well deserves a reward."
Alfons: "Shall the kind master treat you to a delicious drink?"
Kate: "....is this punishment game still going on?"
Alfons: "Of course, it's an 'exclusive maid for one day' kind of deal."
Alfons: "Since we have this rare opportunity, let's make it even more fun, shall we? My pitiful and cute, exclusive maid."
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OC questionnaire
Thanks to @eccaiia here, @mysticstarlightduck here and here, and @elsie-writes here!
Other questionnaires:
Robbie, Gwen, Maddie, Noelle, Jedi, and Kelsey here.
Carmen, George, Akash, Sam, Lexi, and Ash here.
Gabriel, Carla, Parker, Rose, Alex, and Ewan here.
Liam, Hye-Jin, Wendy, Wade, Issa, and CJ here.
Teo, Niri, Jazlyn, and Anathi here.
Below the cut, I will do Tyler, Xitlali, Atsila, and Raissa!
#1- Tyler
Are you an outdoorsy person or a fair weather freak?
“Outdoors suck. Would rather stay inside. Gym is inside. Books are inside. Why bother dealing with outside?’
Do you like animals? Have any pets?
“Have a poodle named Jolene. No, we didn't style her hair. She's perfect as is.”
What's one thing you keep on you at all times?
“... Did you know that the last thing you think about before you fall asleep is the first thing you remember in the morning? So the night before a big test, study right before going to bed! That'll keep you up at night.”
#2- Raissa
Do you have any weird or unusual habits?
“Absolutely not. There is nothing weird about me. Though John complains about me sighing too much. He once said I breathe out more air than I breathe in.”
Are you a night owl or a morning bird?
“These are ridiculous Ceteri phrases that make no sense. But my answer is neither, or both. You decide how to interpret it. I have devised a daily potion that allows me to properly function on a mere five hours of sleep, rather than the eight most people need. I'm up early and late. Now, if only I can get my team to help find a way to eliminate sleep altogether...”
Who is the person you hate the most? Why?
“Atsila McLain would be such an easy answer. And I can tell you want me to say her. But no. She was merely annoying. I try to avoid thinking about her Aequales as long as I can. She thought of us as nemeses, but it was one-sided on her part. But maybe if she stopped trying to take what was rightfully mine, I would stop. She never experienced anything I did. And in the name of peace? She was an awful person. It was a relief when I killed her.”
#3- Atsila
What are your biggest pet peeves?
“Oh, spirits, I hate when people aren't doing what they're supposed to do at the speed they should do it. I mean, how hard is it to adhere to a schedule and complete your tasks in an efficient manner? I don't understand it! I tell people to do something, and they don't do it! Or, they do it in the least efficient way I've ever seen. Even something as simple as walking. Walk diagonally to get somewhere faster. No need to stay on a certain path. But no it seems like every other person here is staying on the path.”
Who is the person you look up to the most?
“I don't look up to anyone. Literally, I suppose, everyone--I am rather short. Figuratively, no one. I suppose Carmen is rather efficient. And organized. She's highly intelligent and... She listens to me. I admire her loyalty and companionship.”
Do you have any major fears?
“Absolutely not. [Pause] I suppose boredom. Mediocrity.” if I may add - it's because she's terrified at the state she'll be in if something isn't going on Right Now
#4- Xitlali
Do you have any allergies?
“I think this is a personal question. I mean, what kinda questionnaire is it? Would rather not answer it. But ekaberries. I break out in hives if I eat it.”
How many people have you kissed?
“Not as many as I'd like, but I'm only twelve, so I'll probably kiss a few girls before long.”
What is your favorite number?
“My favorite number is 63. I find it incredibly satisfying knowing it's divisible by 7. 91 is a close contender for the same reason.”
I feel like this is all of the prominent TSP characters I feel need to answer these questions. Next time I'm tagged will begin the repeats.
Tagging softly @aziz-reads @thegreatobsesso @i-can-even-burn-salad @mk-writes-stuff @starlit-hopes-and-dreams
What is your favorite thing about rain? What is your least favorite thing about it?
@willtheweaver @elsie-writes @dyrewrites
+ ANYONE ELSE
What is something you don't mind waiting a long time for?
Have you ever been punished for something you didn't do?
TSP intro
TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites
@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy
#the secret portal#teaspoon#tsp#oc tag game#my ocs#oc questionnaire#tyler nakashima#raissa kamanzi#atsila mclain#xitlali zepahua#writing tag game#writers on tumblr#writing community#writers of tumblr#writing on tumblr#writeblr#writeblr community
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I’m Fully Charged (Ready to Go)
This was written for the @witcher-bows-and-arrows prompt: Proposition.
This is also the start of something I’ve wanted to do for some time now. I’m making a D/s modern AU to play around in. It will start as friends with benefits, but you all know me, so that won’t last forever.
A lot of kinks are mentioned, but none of them are preformed, so I’m not tagging this post. Read the kinks below, please.
Mature, Warnings Kink Negotiation but no actual sex. Kinks mentioned: pitting, Cock warming, Feet, Slut shaming, Dirty talk, Breeding, Spanking, Collars, Biting, Lingerie, Praise kink. 2,800 Words
Geralt/Jaskier
---
Sometimes it’s absolutely maddening to sit in his room with his headphones on while he knows full well what Geralt is getting up to in his room. They’ve been roommates ever since he and Yen finally got drunk and admitted they work better as friends, and Geralt never hid this side of him. But knowing his best friend - who he happens to be helplessly in love with - is on the other side of the apartment fucking someone? Sometimes that hurts.
It’s not like Jaskier has ever told Geralt how he feels, because they’re dreadfully incompatible. Geralt has his normal job down at the shop, and then he comes home and hangs up his jumpsuit for…a paddle or leather or whatever he wears. The thing is, as much as Jaskier knows Geralt is a dom with a few steady subs, he doesn’t actually know what they get up to.
Geralt doesn’t act ashamed of it, far from it, but he explained that anything he does with a partner is between the two of them. It’s not his place to share what happens inside his bedroom, and Jaskier respects that. Long gone are their college days where they would laugh and share crazy stories over Sunday morning diner breakfasts. Jaskier would never begrudge him privacy, but he can’t help feeling jealous over what he’ll never have.
Because Jaskier can never be what Geralt wants, as pathetic as that is. What dom wants a top? Jaskier has bottomed in the past - mostly to please his partners - but he definitely prefers topping. Not that it matters much these days, because his bedroom has been depressingly quiet ever since he and Valdo parted ways. Apparently dating one man while in love with another isn’t the best foundation for a relationship.
He feels like he could switch for Geralt, but he wouldn’t like it. A relationship built on completely changing something central to your sense of self isn’t going to last, and he desperately wants to spend the rest of his life with Geralt. Though the best he can hope for is friends anyway, since Geralt has made it clear he won't be dating anytime soon. As much as Jaskier gets along with Yen now, he kind of hates that she ruined that for him.
Jaskier sighs, hating this downward spiral of self-loathing. He takes his headphones off and doesn’t hear anything, so he feels it’s safe to venture out and find a snack to cheer himself up. It’s not like Geralt is ever super loud, but he’d rather be safe than sorry. There is absolutely no way he could continue on if he knew exactly what Geralt sounds like when he comes.
And with that thought, he steps out of his room and immediately makes eye contact with Liam. He’s sure he looks like a deer caught in the headlights, but he manages a tiny wave before Liam awkwardly nods at him and hightails it out of the apartment. Geralt is in his own doorway, the living room spread between them, and he frowns over at Jaskier.
Before he can duck back into his room, Geralt stomps over and moves into his space, leaning against the door frame like he owns it. He studies Jaskier for a long moment before speaking. “Why did you glare at poor Liam? You’ve never been rude before.”
“I didn’t glare,” Jaskier argues, realizing he probably did. “I was caught by surprise! You know I don’t care about what you do with your subs!”
“Well ever since Valdo dumped you, you’ve been more and more weird about it,” Geralt points out.
“First off, I broke up with him. And secondly, I am not weird about anything,” Jaskier says with a huff. Geralt raises an eyebrow at him and he sighs before conceding, “Fine, maybe he broke up with me.”
“Don’t lie to me,” Geralt growls, stepping closer. “We’ve never lied to each other. Now what is your problem lately?”
“Fine! I’m jealous!” he shouts stupidly before rushing to cover up his admission. “Because I can’t ever have what they have. I can’t be a sub, can’t explore that, ok? And I hate it.” Yes, blame it on being curious. Nothing suspicious here. Plus it’s a half-truth, anyway. He can’t ever be Geralt’s sub, and it’s eating him up alive.
“You…you want to try being submissive but you can’t? Why not? Did someone tell you that? Because that’s a horrible thing to say. Everyone should be free to explore whatever they want, even if it doesn’t end up being something they love,” Geralt rushes out, all signs of a fight draining out of him in favor of his usual protectiveness.
“Geralt,” Jaskier says with a sigh. “You know I prefer to top. So it wouldn’t work out. I’m simply not sub material.”
“You’re joking, right? Plenty of subs top. There’s a whole fucking name for it! You might be a service top and just not know it. Shit, we have to figure this out. If you’re not being properly cared for, how can you ever be happy?” Geralt asks, and the way he pouts is enough to get Jaskier to agree to anything. There’s a reason why Geralt is at his best when he’s seeing to someone else’s needs. He was born for it, the self-sacrificing bastard.
“Oh,” Jaskier mumbles, blinking stupidly at him. “No one told me, I just…I just figured I couldn’t? But I could? Maybe? With the right person you’re saying?”
“Of course! I’ll help you,” Geralt offers, sending red flags up everywhere. Jaskier’s brain wants him to stop this before it starts, because there’s no way he can explore this with Geralt and not let on that he’s completely in love with him, but his mouth moves too fast like it always does.
“I’d like that.”
“Awesome! I mean, we’ve never been shy before, right? Plenty of friends have sex and it doesn’t have to mean anything. You know I don’t do relationships after Yen, anyway. Too many things can go wrong. We’ll just keep things simple and everything will be awesome! We can have fun with it!” Geralt says, practically bouncing on his heels like a giant puppy.
“Of course! You’ll always be my best friend, and nothing will change that,” Jaskier agrees, even though there are warning klaxons going off in his mind like he’s in some retro Star Trek episode. There is absolutely no way this will end well. But then Geralt slings an arm around him and starts babbling about how many friends he’s made through his lifestyle and how he can’t wait to introduce them all, and Jaskier realizes he wants this, especially if sex is all he’ll ever get.
He can do this. Probably. Maybe.
—
As Jaskier leans against the arm of the couch, looking over the top of his paper at where Geralt’s sitting in an armchair, he wonders is this real life?. Because even two days ago, he never would have imagined he’d be here, reading over a list of his roommate’s preferred kinks. Hell, he doesn’t even know what some of them are, but he’s trying not to let that show. There’s nothing a little confidence can’t overcome.
When Geralt came up to him yesterday and explained the whole process of listing and discussing what they’re into, he was a bit thrown by it. Sure, he knew Geralt didn’t just find his subs while wandering around, eyeing up anyone who might look secretly kinky, but he hadn't anticipated needing to be so open about his own desires. Sure, Geralt has walked in on a hook-up more than once, but it wasn’t like he was tied up or being spanked at the time.
There’s a small - maybe not so small - part of him that worries he won’t be enough for Geralt. He’s spent the last decade or so being the perfect best friend and never once showing that he feels anything besides friendship for Geralt. A lot of people are perfectly capable of doing the whole friends with benefits thing, and Jaskier desperately hopes he’s one of them.
All of a sudden, the silence seems so overwhelming that he simply has to open his mouth and spit out the first thing that comes to mind.
“Do you…are mine good?” Jaskier asks, throwing his confidence aside. He also feels a stupid that his list is half as long as Geralt’s. But Geralt nods sharply, flushing a little as he glances down at the sheet of paper in his hands.
“There are no good or bad kinks, but this is a lovely list,” Geralt tells him, and Jaskier feels an odd sort of pride over it. “I have to admit I’m kind of surprised to see slut-shaming on the list, though. You’ve never been shy about your exploits.”
“I really haven’t,” Jaskier agrees with a snort. “Though the thought of being called out for it? Being told I’m a slut? It just appeals to me. Sadly I’ve yet to find a partner who was into it.”
“Well I love talking filthy, and I’m happy to include some humiliation,” Geralt says with a wink. Jaskier crosses his legs, nearly bouncing in his seat at how intimate this is. He’s never just sat down and talked about things like this with his previous partners. Sure, there’d been a lot of checking in and giving consent, but usually not until they were already in the bedroom.
“I have to admit that I’m not entirely aware of all of yours, though?” Jaskier says, pursing his lips as he re-reads the list. Geralt has nearly twice as many kinks listed as he does, and some he’s never even heard of.
“Ask any questions you have, because the internet might not be the best place for info on some of these. Google tends to bring up some weird shit,” Geralt tells him, laughing as Jaskier cringes at him. He looks over the list Geralt’s has ticked off, scanning it as his pulse quickens. He has no idea why reading sexual acts is getting him so worked up, but it’s probably because all he can think of is how they might do these things together and he’s been in love with Geralt for ages.
“Spitting?” he asks, tilting his head as he waits for the explanation. Geralt flushes, chewing on his lip before answering.
“Yeah, basically just spitting?” he says, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. “Some people like getting spat on, and I like spitting. Could be in your mouth, on your body, on your hole.”
“You, uh, you’d spit on my hole?” Jaskier asks because he can’t think before he speaks. Jesus Christ, this is going to ruin him. Why did he think they could have a conversation like this without feeling awkward? But then Geralt smiles warmly at him, and he remembers they’re never awkward with each other. This will work because of who they are. Geralt has seen him at his worst, and he’s still here. What’s a little spit between friends?
“I know you’re not really into being penetrated, so it might not come to that, but yeah. I like spitting,” Geralt says with a shrug. Jaskier has no clue how he’s so put together, but he supposes being in the lifestyle for so long makes you comfortable with anything. He does have to admit that the thought of kneeling in front of Geralt and letting him spit into his mouth sounds fantastically filthy, and skin buzzes when he thinks about it.
“I could probably make a decent guess about breeding but…we’re both men so please explain it better?” Jaskier asks, biting his tongue to keep from looking too out of his element. Most of his experiences with breeding have been hoping he doesn’t knock anyone up, so he’s not sure how that can be sexy.
“Yeah, you definitely can’t get me pregnant,” Geralt says with a chuckle. “It’s more about the thought of it? Some people like to pretend they can and just talk about knocking me up and breeding me until it takes. Sometimes it goes hand-in-hand with comeplay, because things tend to get a bit messy.”
Jaskier thought about that for a long moment, pictured fucking Geralt and filling him up with load after load while telling him how good he would look all swollen and pregnant. He’s unable to hold back the shiver that runs through him and clears his throat before saying, “Better, er, better marks that down as a yes for me as well.” Geralt just beams at him.
“Again, not saying this list is final. They’re more like suggestions. Kinks can be explored, too. You might want to try something out because you don’t know if you like it or not. Sometimes people will try things their partner likes to make them happy. Just because I’m not excited about a certain thing, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be willing to do it if you are. Like feet? Not my thing usually, but you put it down so I’m willing to play around with it,” Geralt says. His face is steady, like he isn’t aware Jaskier is now picturing him sucking on his toes. He takes a deep breath and looks at the paper again.
“Cock warming? Like…heating it up? Wouldn’t that be up under temperature play?” Jaskier asks, knowing he’s probably wrong.
“No,” Geralt says with a soft laugh, “No, it’s when you just kneel down and hold someone’s cock in your mouth. Not to suck them off or anything, just to hold it, keep it warm while they do something else. Some subs enjoy it, because they can focus on just being a nice warm space for their dom. Again, we don’t have to try everything on my list. This is just to get to understand what we both might enjoy. Nothing is a make it or break it kink for me. The only thing that is non negotiable is aftercare. I’m not going to let you leave until I’m sure you’re alright.”
“Well that seems reasonable. So we uh, we seem to have a lot in common. Like spanking, collars, biting, lingerie, and praise. That’s good, right? Seems like we could work it out?” Jaskier asks, proud of himself for being so brave. One word from Geralt and this ends before it even starts. He feels bad for not admitting he’s in love with the man, but Geralt was clear this is a no-strings kind of thing. He’s been hiding his affection for years now, surely he can keep it a secret a little longer?
“Jaskier, you’re my best friend. I would never turn you down. Besides, who could be better to help you than me? We can easily keep things friendly and both get some fun out of it, too. So yeah, as soon as you get your test results back we can start,” Geralt says with a smile.
“Of course! Best friends who sometimes fuck. Totally going to be the coolest thing ever!” Jaskier chirps, hoping his excitement hides his traitor of a heart. Because if he can’t have all of Geralt? He’ll take what he can. He always has, hence their living situation.
“I should head out or I’ll be late to my weekly dinner with the boys, though. We’re good here, yeah?” Geralt asks. Jaskier completely forgot it was Thursday, and every week Geralt goes out for dinner with his brothers. He’s tagged along a few times before, but prefers to let the boys have time to themselves.
“Yeah, get out of here. I won’t wait up!” Jaskier says with a giggle. Geralt seems to accept that and stands up to get ready. Jaskier stays on the couch until he leaves, desperately trying not to think about how easily this could ruin everything between them. He has to keep himself from showing how much he cares. He just has to.
As soon as Geralt walks out the door, Jaskier shoves his pants down to his knees and palms himself through his briefs. His cock is embarrassingly hard, and there’s already a wet spot on the front of the fabric. He bucks up into his palm, grinding against it as tries and fails not to picture Geralt’s hand touching him instead.
He licks his hand before reaching in and wrapping it around himself. He imagines what Geralt might make him do, what names he might call him, how tight his ass will feel when he finally gets to fuck him. It’s over ridiculously fast, just a few rough strokes before he’s spilling over his own fist and making a mess of himself.
And as he sits there, panting and covered in his own come, he feels like that stupid dog meme. This is fine.
---
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#My fic#geraskier#geralt x jaskier#geralt#jaskier#I'm Sweatin' Through All My Clothes#D/s au#modern au#the witcher#witcher valentines#witcher bows and arrows#bows and arrows 2#dom geralt#sub jaskier
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hey so weird question: how would your ocs react to a darling that's inexperienced or clumsy when it comes to sex? are there any of them that would prefer it that way?
a/n: thank you so much for the request! i put it under a read more cus it's explicit but i hope you enjoy! i did the top three of my ocs that would enjoy an inexperienced/clumsy darling most
warning: there's no mention of reader having a penis but there's several mentions of reader having an 'entrance' (could be an asshole?), gender neutral pronouns for reader
liam anthony arieh ★ profile
fattest corruption kink in the world
absolutely prefers a darling who doesn't know what the fuck they're doing; the more innocent and clueless, the better
he's never really put stock in the human made concept of virginity. he thinks its a bunch of crock bullshit and he's had partners before that had a body count a mile long
but goddamn theres just something about you
the way you fumble around, looking at him for guidance, for instruction? he's got him chubbing up forreal
"L-Liam."
Instead of looking up, he only chuckles, large calloused palms forcing your legs further apart. In front of him, your entrance drooled, making his mouth water and his dick hard.
"You said you wanted to be good for me, right?" He muttered, pressing his cheek against your soft thigh while one of his hands moved forward.
Gently, his middle finger teased your entrance, trying to sink into it. As an automatic response, your knee jumped in surprise. Of course, since his head was right there, your leg made contact with his glasses, almost pushing them out of place.
The way you were so nervous and panicked made him laugh. You reminded him of a jittery little doe.
Liam pressed a kiss against your thigh. Though, as his lips lingered, the kiss slowly turned into a little bite that left a noticeable hickey.
"Calm down, angel, don't worry." He tried to soothe you, his finger sinking deeper and deeper into you, the pad of it pressing against something inside of you that made you writhe.
"I'll take good good care of you."
fujio watanabe ★ profile
defo prefers an inexperienced darling but not for any other reason than he's a possessive bastard lol
basically, he wants to teach you how to make him feel good from the ground up
the thought of his darling not knowing how to fuck anyone else but him? the thought of his darling, completely at his beck and call, following his orders and only his orders?
makes im mad hard for sure
also it makes you easier to manipulate in a way? he wants to teach you thinks most people find kinky and have you believe that it's normal basically
"Oh, that's it, baby." Fujio threw his head back, his hand twitching at the nape of your neck.
All he wanted to do was fuck into your mouth; he wanted to grab you, push you into his groin, bury your face into his pelvis, have his cock hit the back of your throat.
He stopped himself, of course. It's the first blow job you've ever given and he wasn't going to throw you into the deep end.
It was so obvious it was your first time too. He could feel your teeth brushing against the skin of his dick and the way you kept gagging and desperately swallowing was obviously amateur.
He wasn't complaining though. The way you looked up at him, lips stretched around his thick girth, tears clinging to your eyelashes, your hair pulled back by his fist.
It was enough to seriously make him bust. You were going to be the literaly death of him.
eun-jeong yoo ★ profile
definitely the caregiver type; he likes taking care of and guiding people
he doesn't prefer an inexperienced darling but he definitely would be one of the people that would enjoy it the most
he's very switchy in that like he can be a dom or a sub but when paired with a darling that doesn't really know what they're doing, he's full dom all the time
he's not at all a hard dom either
literally super soft and gentle, moving your hands where they need to go, showing you exactly how to make both you and him feel good, etc
usually, he's not really a very straight forward person but with a darling like this, he doesn't want to beat around the bush so he's very frank
Eun-jeong felt your fingers slowly, hesitantly, close around his cock, your big curious eyes peering up at him through your eyelashes.
He wanted to throw his head back, wanted to buck his hips up, wanted to groan and cum right then and there; he couldn't find it in himself to, though.
You mesmerised him and he couldn't look away. You looked so soft, so innocent, waiting for his words, hanging on to his every instruction.
"Just grip it a bit tighter, puppy." His gloved hand brushes against your wrist, not really holding it but definitely pushing it closer.
When your fist did tense up a bit, a low groan left Eun-jeong's lips. He couldn't stop himself from lifting up a bit, cock thrusting up and down before stopping completely.
You were holding him a bit too tightly but, for some reason (maybe it was how you looked or the fact that it was you), it made him want to shoot his load.
"That's it, puppy." He slurred out when he decided against telling you to lighten up "Just like that, move it up and down like that."
You nod, your big pretty eyes flickering from his cock to his face, back and forth. You seemed just as enraptured by him as he was by you which, honestly, had his heart fluttering.
"Just a little bit more and th-then I'll-- I'll let you cum, okay? I'll show you how to make yourself feel good, I promise..."
#Anonymous#yandere oc x reader#yandere x reader#yandere#male yandere#oc x reader#male oc#liam#fujio#eunjeong#lemony content#bulleted#drabbles
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Hello. I have seen that you have been tagged by @neobixiscool on one of their posts. I am planning to make a rant post on them. If you can provide some background info and your side of the story, that would be great. If you feel uncomfortable discussing this, that's ok. Have a good day/evening.
rub hands together like flies. my time has come/silly 😋😋
and thank you for coming to me :3 i appreciate it/gen also i get to go all cabby on this hehe
oh and, im not really hurt-hurted by them, i feel like mocha (mochablogger), liam (moonmxple) and mac (blairdrawzstuff) are most affected. They did have a book with my character in it but in a different universe or something (without my consent nor credit btw). Anyway under the cut is my observant. Honestly i think i might have jsut make the rant post for you lmao hrgbnhe 😭😭
the background/before:
mocha was working on a little story and xe said we could be in it! so obviously me and my friends signed up for the fun, not really expecting anything, the story was called "The Traumatized Cup", thats when we first meet him.
In one of the chapter mocha had introduced rubix, at first i didnt really think much about him, i was just aware of his presence, i do notice him and mocha started to become friends and i thought that was great :)
something that you should probably contact cuppy for more info:
so rubix (or according to rubix, "jasp" was roleplaying) and mocha were friends on facebook, and they roleplayed there i think, this i just know but apparently he said crap about liam (mocha's platonic partner and my best friend). Mocha is very sensitive and even in roleplay xe's still uncomfortable with what rubix said
"bezel's" divorce headcanon (and possible influence on further problems):
i heard people talked about it but never knew where it came from, but thne i found out and,,
tdlr; 1st one is about mocha and rubix, i dont know if mocha consent to it. 2nd one is uh a bit weird i i guess like he could have ask facemoji to make another one ;-;. 3rd ah yes the divorce that i had heard about!/vneg
rubix said bezel forced him into making the 1st one, even if thats true, rubix said the divorce was bezel's headcanon but hes the one that decided to post the 3rd one ("okay i asked facemoji again..")
seem kinda sus not gonna lie..but what do i nose right :-)
bezel probably influence more but even after all these months im still not sure if he really did do those things, idk lul, it is pretty weird that bezel's blog was a sideblog though (liam told me)
heres a bunch of words with link attach, those r my opinions lmao:
these u can just click to read so i hope thats okay
on wattpad he have a book in which he painted mocha, hazel and blair as manipulative (admittedly his writing was good, he could have used it for something different though)
he also uses some of our characters (such as mocha cuppy, hazel, blair, harp, blueberry, winter, bin (mine btw), seedling, galaxy journal,...etc) he did the delete that book tho, anyway heres more screenshot proof (credit @moonmxple )
mocha asked liam and neobix said its cringe
i remember this one also
the one where he tried to ban pet name and online dating (in 2023) (check the comment and other reblogs also theres alot, its practically a goldmine/silly)
and can i say he barely knows our friend group? like sure he knows mocha but hes trying to fit into our group (very poorly)
please read what cass wrote in the comment (thanks cass for speaking out about it ily)
the ask i sent him
NOT to get all bitchy here but mocha blocked you therefore you literally dont appear anywhere on xer dash, you're out of xer life and xe had no reason to pester you, not everything has to be about mocha. You guy's relationship (or supposedly lack there of) had change but honestly? thats okay they dont have to like the same people that they liked yesterday. You might think you know that's them but it wasnt, mocha in real life is kinder and better than the version inside of your head and they're happier now and its so sad that you cant see (because you're blocked)
and again, not everything has to be about YOU
he also made it all about HIM like excuse me ???? can i not complain for little bit without you coming in and nag about your problem ??? if you're suffering go talk to someone dont talk to online strangers ??? :)))???????
bro cant even read a long paragraph post like go back to elementary school lmao, also reporting ppl just because they use their right to not forgive you is such a sore loser move, it make you sound like petty six year old (also max be spitting facts tho)
bro brought out HIS right (reporting mocha, which he actually cant do if he doesnt have a valid reason) while ignore MOCHA's right (not forgiving him, which isnt a valid reason for him to report xem). The definition of petty is literally complain way too much about unimportant things that could have and should have ended already
"you dont have to relate to everything you see on the internet, somethings are simply not about you" :)
did you know that to report someone you have to click alot of buttons??
common salad W <3333
oh yeah, this doesnt have links but jasp/neobix is being so casual abt bezel's death but also uses it as a way to make people feel bad for getting upset with what he did
Sorry for playing the dickhead role, but you wouldn't be laughing if you knew how we felt about every single one of you. (why it sound serious all the sudden lol)
why i still doubt (uh and heads up, galaxy brush, kodu, cuppy,..others who think @/rubixisanidi0t was saying the truth, im not saying he isnt but you cant blame me for not trusting can you? please skip this part if you're sensitive):
naw so if this was suppose to be jasp then whats jasp motive lmao :/..he dont gain anything from this + who tell people their secret plan publicly?? + how did jasp know about rubixs hallucination?? rubix please dont tell such personal things to jsut your friends and please just talk to an adult in real life. And jasp, dont let these kind of things on the internet its not safe/srs
this is just straight up weird and also why did neobix/jasp said "old friend" like hes rubix?? when he supposedly told rubix and i quote "yeah.. Soo.... This person named @/mochablogger seemed like some cool person, and when I tried to talk with them... Nothing happened, so when I figured they didn't care... It all happened at once." neobix/jasp and mocha werent even friend to begin with why was he SO obssess over getting mochas forgiveness when they supposedly barely interact much??
aint it a bit weird how this is supposedly jasp/neobix but why would they make this video??? it???doesnt make any sense?? and like were rubix and jasp still good friend??? why wood bezel make jasp of all people do it??? unless yk
HOL UP, WAIT A MINUTE..if rose jelly dated rubix but rubix tunred out to be jasp then..WHO IS ROSE JELLY ACTUALLY DATING??????
if @/neobixiscool is suppose to be jasp then how did he get a screenshot for a show rubix was making???
i translated it and head up. it has death threat in it
you know, if someone stole my account and ruin my reputation i wouldnt be following them and be mutuals with them :)
i appreciate him saying hell save us but like..why would @/neobixiscool linked the real rubix's yt and discord knowing full well that the real rubix was there and could told joiners the truth??? that seem kinda dumb ngl also on the channel you can find a video called "waitng for forgiveness" which @/neobixiscool had talked about. and lets do a bit of timing here, if rubix really was telling the truth and havent been on social media since his alst post on @/rubixcuix (last posted in august) and the divorce arc and the roleplay thing and EVERYTHING had started in september, and if the yt belonged to rubix, then he shouldnt have known that mocha didnt forgive him and make that video????? bc he wasnt suppose to be there since august??? bc if anything he shouldnt be waiting for forgiveness bc if jasp really did steal his tumblr account then its not his fault?? like i find it absoltuely HILARIOUS that the evidence agaisnt what rubix said was on both the account @/neobixiscool AND @/rubixisanidi0t's PINNED post?? and it boggles my mind how no one talks abt this???/lh/nm i mean its quite obvious maybe im jsut really observant though idk
if you got your account stolen and jasp supposedly brought back a wattpad book, i dont think you should be continuing it?? and didnt you said your reported him on wattpad?? on the same account where the book is?? why are you acting like "yes i did promise them this and im fully aware of what happen even though i supposedly havent been here since august and i will continue this book" has it hit you?
uh yeah so these are just my silly little takes, but hey! what do i nose? :-)
#drama#my take on the drama is very fun hehe :) i had fun writing this#anyway thanks for reading my thoughts lul hope you have a great dayyyy <3
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Everything the Light Touches (18+) - Chapter Six
Mafia!Bucky x F!Reader
chapter warnings: language, violence (it’s a mob fic), alcohol usage
a/n: hi folks! i’m back! so sorry there’s been like a week between the last few chapters, work has been insane but i FINALLY have an actual weekend this week! so! hope you enjoy this chapter, and i’m glad y’all are enjoying the fic so far!
Series Masterlist
“One of our suppliers has moved a little closer to home so we’ll be able to do work more directly with them, James I want you to be in charge of that piece,” George spoke directly to Bucky, who nodded in agreement. The weekly meeting of Barnes Inc. felt a little different this week after seeing you for the first time in so long. Seeing you at The Underworld, running into you on a date with Liam Stinson while at dinner with his parents, they all put Bucky in a downright weird mood. He’d been paying less attention at this meeting than he should’ve been but he couldn’t help it. Having you back in New York, and playing into the plans your parents had laid out for you, had Bucky’s mind reeling and his stomach rolling.
There had been many times over the last ten years that Bucky had regretted going about the issue with your parents the way he did. He couldn’t even count the number of times he’d kicked himself for not finding some way to talk to you before just disappearing. He could’ve told his dad, but then he worried that his dad would do something to provoke the Pierce’s and his family would get hurt, and then you’d get hurt. He could’ve tried to sneak a message to you to see how involved you were in your parents plans, to see if you had been planted near him to spill secrets and plans back to Pierce. But he didn’t. Instead, nineteen year old Bucky held onto the hurt he was feeling and let it fester deep inside, only opening up slightly to tell Steve the truth. Twenty-nine year old Bucky knew that he’d made a quick decision in a tough spot, and that it was a decision that would affect his life forever.
“Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie, still kissing the girls and making them cry?” A voice rang from the doorway of the conference room after a brief knock. A voice that Bucky hadn’t heard in years.
“Anthony, it’s nice to have you back, my friend, but you know there’s only ever been one girl for me,” George spoke as he stood to shake hands with Tony Stark, a smirk growing on the latter’s face as he took in the room.
The Starks had been allied with the Barnes family for decades. After Howard had retired, he’d made Tony his successor and the connection with the Barnes family had been even tighter after they worked out a way for Tony to be their weapons supplier. Bucky had only found out at dinner with his parents that Tony had been working on moving back to the city, and that he was bringing you with him. Apparently George had been keeping up with your movements in the last ten years, and only part of the reason he’d asked Tony to move business back to New York was to have his supplier closer, the other was to bring you home. But George would never tell that to Bucky.
“Heard you’ve got a big shot corporate lawyer working for you now,” George joked, drawing Bucky’s attention back to the conversation at hand.
“Oh the best, you know it’s so nice to be back, but I’m not quite so sure she’s that happy to be back,” Tony was looking directly at Bucky as he spoke, making it obvious that he was aware of the reason why you left New York for California originally. Bucky held back the cringe that was threatening to make itself known on his face as Tony continued.
“But anyway, glad to be back. And in true Stark Industries fashion, there’ll be a welcome back gala this weekend, George old buddy old pal, you and the wonderful Winnie are both invited. I figured we should probably re-clarify to some members of the public…that we are in fact friends and occasional…coworkers.” Tony was speaking in code, something he did when he wasn’t sure how involved every person in the room was with the family.
“That’s a great idea, Anthony, but sadly Winnie and I will have to pass, it’s our anniversary this weekend. Thirty-five years,” George spoke fondly, “but, since James will be working closely with you as a liaison between Barnes Inc. and Stark Industries, maybe he could go in our place?”
Now THAT pulled Bucky’s attention back to the table immediately. George knew that you would be at the Stark Industries gala, there was no way you’d be able to skip out with a boss like Tony.
“What are you doing, dad?”
“Me? Nothing. I’m just making sure that the city is aware that Barnes and Stark are two closely related names, and what better way to do that than to send you in my place? You’ll be the face associated with that name soon enough,” George spoke as innocently as he could, making Bucky raise his brows in question at his father’s game. Steve was barely containing a grin at the situation that Bucky had managed to find himself in.
“Georgie, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to play matchmaker with your son and my lawyer? And let me tell you, that would be a very bad decision indeed,” Tony growled, seriousness lacing his tone as he took in Bucky and his family. Tony’s reaction actually made Bucky cringe this time, and Tony appeared satisfied by that betrayal of emotion, “oh yeah, Buckaroo. She told me everything. It would take a million years of groveling to pull yourself out of the hole you dug. Leave my kid alone.”
The whole room was frozen. Tony Stark wasn’t known to make random gestures of emotion, he usually preferred to stick with sarcasm, but the way he just spoke to the two heads of the Barnes family was proof to Bucky that he’d do anything for you.
Good. Someone’s gotta look out for her, he couldn’t help but think to himself.
“Understood, Anthony. Now, if we’re done here-,” George started before Bucky interrupted.
“Just make sure she leaves Liam Stinson alone. You know he’s no good, Stark,” Bucky spoke with a twinge of a threat in his tone, but Tony just laughed.
“You really think I can tell her what to do? You must not have ever known her at all, kid.”
The chair scraped across the floor as Bucky stood up quickly, his hands balling into fists next to him, Tony just quirked an eyebrow at him in a silent taut, but Steve just held his hand out to touch Bucky and calm him down, meanwhile George watched all of this calmly from his chair at the head of the table. After a minute of awkward silence he cleared his throat, nodding his head for Bucky to take a seat.
“As I was saying, thank you Anthony. James will be there on Saturday and he will be on his best behavior, so long as you can promise you will be too?” George’s question was meant to show that while he respected the family’s connection with the Stark’s he wouldn’t accept future disrespect of the heir of Barnes Inc. next time. Bucky and Tony continued to glare at each other before both offering a nod and a half-hearted apology as the meeting drew to a close and members of the family began to file out. Before Tony could walk out of the room Bucky was approaching him, George just shook his head at the confrontation he knew he couldn’t prevent as he walked to his office.
“Woah there little Barnes, didn’t mean to piss in your cornflakes earlier. Good thing dear old dad was in there to keep the peace.”
“Tony, you have no clue why I did what I did all those years ago,” Bucky spoke, feeling the anger bubbling up inside him once more, when Tony was holding up a hand to stop him.
“I’m gonna stop you right there, Buckaroo. Because as far as I know, she doesn’t even know why you did what you did all those years ago. My question is, do you know what it did to her? It’s not my place to tell you so you won’t get a word out of me, but just know if you’re ever lucky enough and she decides to tell you in her own words, on her own time? Know that you’ve just encountered the strongest damn woman I’ve ever met in my life. See ya Saturday, Barnes. And I mean it, don’t fuck with her.” Tony spun on his heel, leaving Bucky and Steve to process his statement and his exit.
A low whistle sounded from behind Bucky as Steve walked up and clapped his best friend on the shoulder, “I’ve told you once, and I’ll tell you again. You fucked up.”
Bucky’s hands were tightening into fists again, this was a conversation they’d had multiple times. The one thing about Steve? When Bucky told him what he’d done? Steve flat out told him that he was the biggest idiot and had made the worst mistake of his whole life but that as his second, he’d listen to him.
“It was for the best and you know it. Why she decided to work for an asshole like Stark I will never understand.”
“Not so sure I ‘know it’ Buck, but I’ll let you keep living in that delusion. Now come on, we gotta make sue you’re all fresh and ready to go for this weekend,” Steve steered Bucky out of the room and as far away from Tony Stark with master precision, a skill he’d learned very well over the years.
The gala was the same as every other fancy party Bucky had ever been to. A bunch of rich people plying themselves with champagne and minuscule plates of food while stroking each other’s egos. Ever since he was a kid Bucky hated going to these events but he went because it was his job. He was the second-in-command of the family, and the heir of Barnes Inc., he had to make a good impression, which meant occasionally rubbing elbows with Manhattan’s elite. When you walked in the room it took all Bucky’s concentration to pay attention to NOT spitting out the champagne in his mouth. He watched you from afar, Steve would say he was being creepy if he was here, but he didn’t attempt to talk to you. No, Bucky was perfectly content with sitting in a corner, talking to whoever he needed to, and never speaking a word to you. Or so he thought.
Until he saw you being slowly engulfed in a small circle of rich assholes, your shoulders hunching up, and your knuckles tensing as they gripped the champagne glass in your hand. Bucky knew that stance, even if he pretended he couldn’t read your body language still, he’d only be lying. So he excused himself from his current conversation partner and strode across the room. As he walked up beside you he slid his hand across your waist, the warmth of your skin practically lighting him on fire, as he apologized to your company and drew you away to ‘dance.’
In Bucky’s mind, he thought of this maneuver as being doubly beneficial. He could get you out of an obviously uncomfortable situation, and then he could warn you off Liam Stinson. Easy peasy. Until it wasn’t.
Easy peasy until Bucky fucked up. Again. And said something stupid and tactless that made you pull away. With a final warning about Liam, Bucky knew his night was over. Walking back to his table, Bucky managed to keep an eye on you on and off throughout the evening. He noticed when you stumbled over your steps a little more and when you approached Tony and Pepper before heading out of the ballroom. Sam was accompanying Bucky tonight as his ‘chauffeur’ so he made sure to have Wilson stationed just outside the hotel where he could keep an eye on you, out of sight of course. It wasn’t until he received the all clear from Sam that you’d made it off site safely that Bucky began to relax. He replayed your conversation on the dance floor over and over in his head. Mentally hitting himself for saying what he did about “truly knowing you” the innuendo making him cringe as he took another sip of his drink.
When the night finally ended, Bucky straightened his coat and headed towards the door he knew Sam was waiting at. Halfway across the ballroom, he was stopped by Tony.
“What was that about, Barnes? I told you to leave her alone tonight and judging by the little stint on the dance floor you chose to blatantly ignore me,” Tony growled.
“Stark I was getting her out of the middle of the sharks, she was visibly uncomfortable.”
“Yeah and instead of the sharks the fucking Megalodon decided to take a bite. I swear to whatever god is listening, Barnes-“
“I warned her about Stinson, Stark. He’s not a good person. He’s obviously deeply connected to Pierce. You know this, I know this. He’s not good for her.”
“Oh but you are?”
“That’s not what I said and you know it,” Bucky spat, growing slightly more annoyed at the turn of the evening and just ready to go home, “I just needed her to hear that. It’s up to her if she listens.” And with that Bucky stormed out the door and into the night. Upon seeing Sam Bucky sent him to get the car as he leaned against the exterior of the Plaza and lit up a cigarette, the smoke filling his lungs and adding to the little buzz he already had in his head.
“Man did you see the tits on her? Can’t believe Stinson’s gonna be tapping that soon,” Bucky heard a voice exiting the hotel from behind him. A man walked out, talking on the phone as he waited for his ride, ending up right beside Bucky.
Bucky had tensed at the mention of Liam’s name, hoping that whoever the guy was talking about was just some other woman. His mistake.
“You think Liam’ll give me a go? I’d like to fuck that L/N bitch at least once, could you imagine those legs wrapped around my waist, oh fuck or even better those lips wrapped around my co-.”
The man didn’t have any time to react before Bucky was punching him in the face. Hard enough to draw blood. And he didn’t stop. Punch after punch made Bucky feel like he was releasing ten years worth of pent up aggression and anger. Bucky grabbed the man by the collar and looked right into the eyes of Caden Smith, the same guy who’d been dancing with you at The Underworld earlier in the week.
“Don’t you ever talk about Y/N L/N like that again or I promise you I won’t let you live,” Bucky sneered as he offered a final punch to Caden’s face, rendering him unconscious. A low whistle sounded from the curb as Sam pulled up and rolled the window down.
“What’d he do boss? Say you don’t look good in your tux? That’s a rookie move,” Sam teased until he realized that Bucky was way past a teasing mood, “Let’s move him to the alley, we can’t leave him passed out and bleeding in front of the Plaza. All the rich people’ll be clutching their pearls.”
Bucky helped Sam move Caden to the alley in silence, the car ride back to Bucky’s place was much the same. Even so, Bucky couldn’t help but wonder if he’d fucked up more tonight than he had ten years ago.
One Month Later
A whole month passed since the gala. Bucky had managed to send Steve to Stark Industries whenever there was legitimate business to be done in order to avoid you, but that wasn’t always possible. However, Bucky’d managed to do a good job at avoiding you. But just because Bucky Barnes wasn’t actively interacting with you doesn’t mean that he didn’t have people paying attention to your every move. About a week after the Stark gala Bucky learned that his father had been keeping tabs on you ever since he’d left you. George still hadn’t learned the reasons why Bucky did what he did, but he made sure to tell his son that he had his ways of making sure you were safe. Those ways mostly involved Tony and Pepper. Bucky learned that shortly after you’d made it to California, you’d started working in some capacity with Stark Industries. A part of Bucky felt relieved that for the last ten years you’d been under some sort of surveillance, but another part of him felt bad for making the decisions that led to you being in a near constant state of supervision. Bucky grew a little more content with the fact that Tony was so close to you, seeing that he and Pepper truly cared for you as if you were their own child made Bucky happy that you hadn’t been completely alone for all these years.
The problem now came with the fact that you had been spotted with Liam Stinson a number of times within the last month. Multiple dinners, outings, coffee meet-ups, Bucky was getting information at least twice a week about you and Liam fucking Stinson. Each time he received news that the two of you’d been spotted in public was like a knife to the chest for Bucky, but he didn’t have anyone to blame but himself. And he knew that. Some part of Bucky Barnes, deep down, knew that warning you off Liam Stinson would have the opposite effect and would likely draw you further into his arms. In fact, according to the intel he’d received from various sources, you were attending a party tonight on Liam’s arm hosted by none other than Alexander Pierce himself. The thought of you taking up the role your parents had bestowed upon you all those years ago made Bucky feel like he was two seconds from being physically sick.
It was late when Bucky sat at the table next to his father, Steve, and other members of the Barnes family as they spoke about the threat they’d received most recently Pierce. Apparently Caden had showed up at Pierce’s house with a black eye and a loose tooth complaining about Bucky beating the shit out of him the night after the gala. Why Pierce had waited so long to threaten them was already confusing him.
“James, what did I say about messing with the Pierce family?” George grumbled as he rubbed his head as if to stave off a headache.
“Not to. However, Smith was talking grossly about Y/N. I couldn’t let it slide,” Bucky snapped in reply.
George sighed, understanding his son’s anger, “son, I understand that but we can’t go starting a war with Pierce right now. Because that’s what he’s threatening if you touch any of his guys again.”
“What was his guy doing at Stark’s party anyway?” Steve asked genuinely confused as to why Caden was there in the first place.
“Rich family, Manhattan, blahblahblah, either way, we showed him that Stark is allied with us. If he wants to fuck himself over by helping Pierce start a war then let him. I’ll kill them all without fucking blinking,” Bucky growled, his mind replaying the words that Caden had said before Bucky attacked him.
George opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by a furious knocking at the office door. Before anyone could even reach for a gun the door was being flung open, a harried looking Tony Stark appearing before them. He let his appearance act as a warning before reaching out and pulling you into the middle of the doorway, your cheeks soaked with tears and your body seizing as you tried to take a breath. Bucky could barely catch his own breath at the sight of you sobbing and tucked under Tony’s arm.
All the oxygen left the room when Tony took a deep breath before growling, “Oh boys…we’ve got a fuckin’ problem.”
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#mafia!bucky x reader#mafia!bucky x yn#mafia!bucky#mafia au#everything the light touches fic#BuckySimp101#james bucky barnes#slow burn bucky fic#lovers to enemies to lovers
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Fruit of Her Loins
Summary: The Queen of Cordonia faints and is taken to a hospital. There, they shut down her last hope.
Rating: M - Not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16 with non-explicit suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, or coarse language.
Mentions of domestic violence. Reader discretion is advised.
Words: 1000
Notes: Evil Liam. I like it.
Riley remains laid down with her eyes closed while inhaling long breaths of air. In, out. In, out. One after the other, like her mother used to do back when she was just a little girl, back in that shithole she called home.
It works somewhat, the waves of nausea declining slightly, she does not feel as dizzy as she did earlier that morning, but the feeling that something is very wrong with her only grows with each second. Something that can ruin her only sliver of hope out of this life.
A hand lands on hers and she opens her eyes again. She slowly and steadily turns her face to the side, meeting her husband’s eyes. He gives her a reassuring smile, gracing his features with unabashed ease. It is, ostensibly, a sweet gesture of him, but she cannot find the energy to return it, she does not want to pretend anymore. There is something wrong, something very wrong, bringing her to the edge.
The Queen of Cordonia is, officially, Orthodox Christian, having converted upon marriage, so she might as well pray to a god she is not really sure exists for a miracle she is quite certain will not come. She already suspects the condition that sent her to the hospital, the thought eating she up inside. All the times that Liam conveniently forgot to use condoms, the almost imperceptible way her birth control pills tasted slightly different than usual, his encouragement for her to work out more, the gross healthy diet he had imposed at home, the way he always came inside her.
Now Riley knows why. It feels so painfully obvious that she is almost angry with herself not to see it coming.
“Are you feeling any better?” The monarch asks, concernedly, while lovingly stroking her hair. “Do you need some water? Would you care for me to order some food?"
She shakes her head, slowly lifting herself up to lean against the bed's headboard. It was that weird sturdy plastic they usually have in places like this. For the best hospital in Cordonia, it felt awfully uncomfortable. Then again, she lived in a literal palace, and felt overwhelmed and restless there. It might just be in her nature, or it might be the company she keeps.
Liam hurries to help her, kind and accommodating as always, fluffing a pillow behind her back before pressing a kiss to her forehead. A shiver makes her body shake, exhaustion flooding her and she fights with herself just to keep her eyes open.
"I'm sure everything is fine.” He says, suddenly, and his wife notices how he struggles to keep an expectant smile off his face. “Don't worry, love."
Riley nods in response, not bothering to come up with a proper phrase. The feeling of malaise she has had ever since their wedding, the intuition of broken dreams and harsh awakenings ahead, increasing on the bottom of her stomach.
Cordonia is a very conservative country. It makes Greece, Turkey and Israel collectively blush in how truly traditional things are in a supposedly-modern Western nation. There is only at-fault divorce, communal property is held by the husband, the father has priority in custody cases. Money, influence and family connections make the justice system move, or stand infuriatingly still, as the case may be.
Not long after that, a doctor appears, accompanied by a nurse and Riley cringes at the sight of them. The professionals and workers at Cordonian hospitals scare her. They all wear a serious, almost robotic face, occasionally broken only by a sneer of undeserved superiority.
The doctor approaches the woman, stethoscope in his hand ready to hear her heart and lungs. “How’s the patient feeling now?”
“She’s better now, not feeling that weak anymore.” The husband answers in her place, a tinge of annoyance hitting her at his behavior. “What did the blood test show?”
The cold metal makes the queen flinch, but she keeps taking deep breaths until the doctor ends his examinations, trying to keep calm, lest she unwittingly gives them reason to keep her longer. He comes to stand in front of the bed, a sympathetic smile that does nothing to make she feel better on his face as he looks at his monarch.
“Everything is fine besides the sugar level being low, which is what caused the patient to faint.” The doctor explains, an air of detachment as he wipes the stethoscope with a flannel fished out of his pocket.
Liam squeezes her hand and Riley holds her breath. Both of them already know what is coming next.
“However, that’s completely normal in a pregnancy.” The medical professional concludes, placing his instrument around his neck again.
His words make the queen feel weak again and she can only be glad that she is already seated down. Her husband, in turn, has his face breaks into a huge grin, arms wrapping around her in a hug as his hand travels to her belly, remaining there.
Riley freezes, unable to think properly. She is pregnant. Of Liam.
The Queen of Cordonia is pregnant, carrying the next heir to the throne. A boy or a girl, it does not matter. She is now public property, her body and all the fruits of it belong to the public, now more than ever.
No, not the public. She is, yet again, chained to Liam, now more firmly than ever before.
The monarch parts from his wife to hold her face in a possessive kiss, ignoring the doctor who exits the room, leaving them alone.
“I am so proud of you, love. This is wonderful news.” He declares, his eyes twinkling. “Oh, I can picture the announcement already. I’m almost climbing to the rooftop and shouting it out myself!”
She tunes him out after that. Her stomach does a flip and she grips the sheets tightly, trying to control herself. She cannot panic, she cannot cry.
Her last hope is extinct. Riley will never be able to leave Liam.
*_*_*_*_*
TRR Masterlist
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Since there are too many amazing BL canon fics to count, we decided to make a third part to our canon rec list. You can find the part one here and part two here. Happy reading!
1) Just A Trim | Explicit | 2260 words
The one where Harry gets a haircut, and Louis, along with the rest of the world, loses his mind.
2) Lips Are Like The Galaxy’s Edge | Explicit | 2360 words
Harry licks over Louis’ hole slowly, deliberately, and his tongue is like velvet and Louis’ skin is burning at every junction where Harry touches him and it’s all so good he thinks he might cry. He licks a few more times, moaning softly like he’s relishing the taste of Louis and that’s just, well, fuck.
3) What’s Yours Is Mine (What’s Mine Is Ours) | Explicit | 2982 words
Prompt: Something about Louis always waiting until the last minute to pack his bag for tour so one time Harry does it for him and then they’re thousands of miles away by the time Louis figures out Harry hasn’t actually packed anything useful. Whether it’s because Harry is just genuinely useless at packing for other people or because he wants Louis to be forced to wear his clothes is up in the air. Also Louis refusing to wear Harry’s clothes out of pure spite until Harry makes it up to him.
4) A Touch Of Your Love | Explicit | 3856 words
Harry’s physical training has been intense. He wakes up before the sun to run. He spends long hours in the gym boxing and lifting weights.
Louis usually likes working out with Harry when they’re on tour, and even now he enjoys going on a run or boxing a bit with Harry. But Harry hasn’t seemed to stop moving since he accepted the role in Dunkirk. And it’s not that Louis always needs to be the center of Harry’s attention, but he very much wants to be.
5) Power Inside | Explicit | 5861 words
Louis wrinkles his nose and pokes Harry again. “You want a baby,” he repeats.
Again, Harry frowns. “Uh, yeah, Lou, I want a baby. So do you.”
Where is this even going. Harry honestly has no clue.
Abruptly, Louis stops frowning and practically throws himself off of Harry, splaying himself out on his side of the bed, arms spread wide. “Okay. Let’s make a baby, then.”
Can eyebrows get permanently attached to a hairline? Harry has a feeling he’s going to find out. “You do realize - ” he starts.
“Yes, Harry, I realize,” Louis says, stroking his fingers over the inside of his own thigh, ruking his shorts up. “You gonna shut up about it and give me a baby or am I gonna have to go out and find someone else to fulfill my deepest desires?”
He’s a nutjob. He’s a complete nutjob. Harry’s in love with a complete nutjob.
6) Heart Beats Slow (I Wish You) | Explicit | 6011 words
“These,” Louis pauses with a half-eaten toast in his hand and a stale bite of buttery bread still in his mouth, he feels like choking on it, “are girl’s pants. Why would I look good in girl’s pants? Do you not like my current choice in underwear or what?”
7) Want It All The Time, Need It Every Day | Explicit | 6306 words
Louis visits LA a week before the boys head to Australia for On The Road Again.
He and Harry have some catching up to do.
8) You Drive Me Wild (You Know You Do) | Explicit | 6632 words
Their management informs them that they have an interview right before the ARIAs, and it isn't until he's in a suit, seated on a couch between Liam and Zayn, that he gets the idea.
The interviewer, Angus, smiles at them, right before the cameras roll on, and a metaphorical light bulb goes off inside Louis' head. He's perfect. Well, not as perfect as Harry, but enough. He's attractive, attractive enough to drive Harry crazy, and he doesn't even think of the consequences of his actions, just decides right then. It's all Harry's fault anyway. Louis should be allowed to have a little fun.
9) I’m Broken, Do You Hear Me? | Explicit | 6957 words
Louis starts acting weird and distant around Harry, and it takes Harry a little while to put together what's wrong. When he finally does, he's determined to help Louis see just how much he loves every piece of him.
10) Glimpse Of The Silhouettes | Explicit | 7181 words
Harry isn't sure what the rules are for this. It's hard to believe that there are any, that's there's a handbook just waiting for him to buy: why is my best mate getting hard in my lap when I touch his arse?
11) Call Me Shallow But I’m Only Getting Deeper | Explicit | 7367 words
The one where Louis is a brat so Harry spanks him with a riding crop.
12) I’m An Addict Of Magic, And I Need My Fix | Explicit | 7994 words
Harry surprises Louis in Los Angeles while Louis is there on tour. Smut ensues of course and Harry goes a little overboard with marking Louis up with hickies. Louis ends up having to wear a turtleneck onstage to hide all of the marks littered around his neck and body.
13) Under the Vanilla Sky | Explicit | 8006 words
Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.
Who the hell wears a hat like that on a yacht? That's one of the things Louis thinks when he sees Harry from across the deck of the most expensive, ridiculous boat he's ever been on. He also thinks he'd like to get closer. Just to see what's under those aviators. Just to verify that, yes, in fact, those white swim trunks might be a little see-through when wet. Just to see if someone could really be that hot in real life. On a yacht. In the Caribbean sea just off the coast of St. Barts.
Here's what really happened on that yacht.
14) Reminiscing The Other Day | Explicit | 8317 words
Harry's invited to a wedding, and there's only so much Louis can hide.
15) Anything Goes | Explicit | 10275 words
Harry probably shouldn't be amused that Louis has a death grip on his hand and is dragging away from an event that, you know, they should be at. And he still probably shouldn't have that god awful smirk plastered to his face when Louis shoves him into the bathroom and steps in before locking the door.
16) The Sweat On Your Skin | Explicit | 11014 words
Louis is certain there's no better way to come down from a post-gym high than a naked romp in the bed with his favorite workout partner.
17) Cut To The Bone | Explicit | 11133 words
Harry celebrates his birthday in Japan. Louis stays with him.
18) Fumbling in the Dark | Explicit | 21599 words
Louis is straight, Harry is not. They still shag a lot.
19) Another Day Gettin’ Into Trouble | Explicit | 25619 words
Harry’s drunk when the idea occurs to him. He’s also a pop star, so sometimes his drunk ideas turn into actual things instead of just ideas. The clone-a-willy kit is one of them.
In Harry’s defense, when he first thinks about it his intention is just to buy the kit and give it to Louis to make his own dildo with, because that’s what he wants anyway, right? To have a penis filling him up?
Then he realizes that it would be weird if Louis made a copy of his own dick to fuck himself with. It’d be super weird. Louis fucking himself? That’s a weird idea. Harry’s pretty sure Louis wouldn’t like that.
Clearly the only solution here is to use his own dick for the mold.
20) Something In The World Today | Explicit | 48027 words
It shouldn’t be a surprise, the first time that Louis drops to his knees in front of Harry. It shouldn’t be, because it’s been something that Louis has needed for a long time. It shouldn’t be, because he’s been crawling out of his skin for weeks on end. It shouldn’t be, because Harry always makes him feel better. It shouldn’t be, because he’s needed this even when he didn’t know that he needed it.
Somehow, it still is.
Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.
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Vancross
Vancross - I Feel Something When I See You (Chapter 6)
Most of the characters belong to Pixelberry.
Summary: A group of friends embark on their final year at Vancross Institute with the hopes of making it their best year yet. When a new face with a complicated family plagued by secrets and rumors arrives on campus, new friendships are formed, a new relationship blossoms, and threatening challenges arise.
Title inspiration: When I’m With You - We Three
Main Pairing: Liam x OC
A/N: Multiple crossover series (but heavily focused on TRR). There will be random sprinkles of canon throughout this story, but for the most part, it’s pretty much out the window. Thank you to @burnsoslow for prereading! Please excuse any errors.
Warnings: This series will contain nsfw material, language, alcohol and drug use, and is not suitable for minors. If you read, you acknowledge you are 18+
Catch up here
Perma Tags (if you’d like to be added or removed for this story, please let me know): @zaffrenotes @cocomaxley @emichelle @sweetest-marbear @indiacater @gibbles82 @the-soot-sprite @esmckenzie @dcbbw @burnsoslow @bbrandy2002 @txemrn @charlotteg234 @kat-tia801 @neotericthemis @foreverethereal123 @choiceskatie @sirbeepsalot @debramcg1106 @gnatbrain @ofpixelsandscribbles @openheart12 @sincerelyella @superharriet @queenrileyrose @aestheticartsx @kingliam2019 @indiana-jr @bascmve01 @rainbowsinthestorm @emkay512 @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @forallthatitsworth @walker7519 @iaminlovewithtrr @amandablink @mainstreetreader @mom2000aggie @princessleac1 @21-wishes @appleone @tessa-liam @pixelatedpassion @malblk21 @queen-arabella-of-cordonia @lovingchoices14 @nestledonthaveone @persephone13 @nomadics-stuff @differenttyphoonwerewolf
Inside the library, Blaine sat at a table after his last class of the day. He was scrolling through his phone as he bobbed his head and tapped his foot against the carpeted floor to the beat of the music coming through his one earbud. “Da da da da da … da da da da da … da da da da da … da da da da da … da da da da da … bow bow bow bow bow bow — bow bow bow bow bow bow — bow bow bow bow bow bow — bow bow bow bow bow bow —”
“What are you listening to?”
Blaine glanced up to see Kennedy staring at him as she quietly laughed. “Nothing,” he said quickly as he placed his phone screen down on the table before removing the earbud and slipping it into its case. “About time you showed up. I’m not supposed to be the punctual one between the two of us.”
“Sorry,” Kennedy sighed as she took her seat. “My mom called.”
Blaine clicked his tongue and finger-gunned her. “‘Nuff said.” He looked over to see Kennedy’s guard standing not too far from the end of their table. He was oddly close and hovering … in his opinion. “So …” he said as he opened his laptop up. “You think we’re going to finish this up before next week?”
“Of course we are. We may have gotten a late start …” Kennedy shot him a look; Blaine kept procrastinating every time she tried setting up times to work on the project. “But, yes, we’ll have it done.”
“I should have taken a page from Liam’s book; he got started on it right away,” Blaine chuckled.
Kennedy’s eyes subtly shifted, seeing Tatum tense at the mention of Liam’s name; Blaine didn’t seem to notice as he flipped through a book in front of him. Things between Kennedy and Tatum were still up in the air and had felt more off the last few weeks ever since Tatum found out who her ex was … or rather what he was.
Blaine glanced up, sensing a weird vibe as his eyes flickered between Kennedy and her guard. “So, uh, is 007 gonna be standing here the whole time or …?”
Kennedy shot Blaine a look at the same moment Tatum did; she glanced at him again, clearing her throat and pulling his attention back to her. “It’s fine …” Tatum studied her for a moment before giving a subtle nod; he stepped away, giving Blaine one last glare before going to do a walk around the perimeter of the building. “You don’t have to be a jerk.”
“I’m not,” Blaine scoffed. “You guys had this weird juju eye contact thing going on. I thought I’d help.”
Kennedy shook her head as she opened her laptop. “Speaking of Liam … how is he doing?”
“Fine, why?”
“I don’t know,” Kennedy shrugged, keeping her eyes on her computer screen. “I was just wondering.”
“Well, it’s not like you two haven’t talked since we’ve been back.”
“Yeah, but you know how he can be … he’ll tell you he’s fine even if he’s not.”
Blaine lifted his gaze to her, finally realizing what she meant by asking about him. “Oh, you mean … because of the breakup?”
Kennedy’s eyes met his. “Yeah.”
Blaine’s brows furrowed. “It’s been months, Kennedy. He’s not holding a grudge.”
“I know, I just …” Kennedy sighed. “I don’t know, he’s still my friend. I want to make sure he’s really doing ok and isn’t just bullshitting me.”
Blaine leaned back in his seat and his thoughts wandered to Liam and how he subtly called him out on what he was almost positive was a budding crush on Croía. “Trust me, he’s doing just fine,” he smiled.
****
Sitting at his desk, Liam scribbled something into his notebook, finishing up a short assignment. Once finished, he leaned back in his chair, closing the notebook and pushing it off to the side. He glanced at his laptop, checking the time before pulling up a video chat and hitting the call button.
A moment later, Drake appeared on the screen. “Hey, buddy.”
“Hey,” Liam smiled. “What are you up to?”
“I just got home from my shift at the bar,” Drake replied, rubbing his hands over his tired eyes. It was a little after 11 pm in New York.
“Where’s Riley and Max?”
“Riley is out of town for work until tomorrow, and Maxwell—” Drake shifted his computer screen, showing Maxwell in the background “—is sitting on the couch watching tv.”
“Hey, Li!” Maxwell called out.
“Hi-ya,” Liam responded. “So, what’s been going on? How’s school?”
“Not much. Same old, same old. And school … is going,” Drake chuckled. “What about you?”
“Same,” Liam said. “They’re keeping us busy.”
“But not too busy,” Drake smirked.
“Nah,” Liam laughed. “I’m still managing to have a little fun.”
“That’s good. Any—”
“Oh!” Maxwell interrupted. “Ask him about his breaks!”
“My breaks?” Liam questioned.
“Max and I were talking about our semester breaks this year, wondering if any matched up with any of your breaks so you can come visit.”
“I’ll have to check. I haven’t even looked to see when they are yet,” Liam chuckled. “But I definitely plan to come. I believe we have a mini break before term finals and winter break; maybe I can come then for a long weekend. You’ll be back in Cordonia for the holidays only a couple of weeks after.”
“That sounds like a plan. Just let me know so I can make sure I get someone to cover me at the bar while you’re here.”
“Yeah, I’ll look into it and see.”
Drake nodded. “So, anything else going on?” he asked as he stood, walking to the refrigerator and grabbing a beer before sitting back in front of the computer.
“Not much. Class during the week … papers and assignments coming out of my ass … hanging out on the weekends.”
“How, uh … how are things with Kennedy? You guys still friends?”
“Yeah,” Liam nodded. “She’s seeing someone … kind of, but we talked when we first got back to school. It’s all good. We’re good … and I think we’re better off as friends anyway.”
“That’s good. Speaking of seeing anyone … what about you?” Drake smiled. “Anyone new?”
“No,” Liam shook his head.
Drake stared at the screen, noticing the curious expression on Liam’s face before he glanced away. “I’m calling bullshit,” he chuckled. Liam looked back at him, furrowing his brows. “You had that look on your face.”
“What look?”
“The one that said you’re full of shit,” Drake laughed. “I may be 5000 miles away but I can still read you like a book.” He took a pull from his beer, watching Liam shake his head with a subtle smile. “So who is she?”
“It’s no one. I mean … it’s not like that.” A laugh escaped Liam at the look on Drake’s face. “Really, it’s nothing …”
“Ok,” Drake snorted. Whatever it was with whoever it was, it was clearly very new, and Drake knew Liam was trying to figure things out for himself.
Liam stared at the screen as Maxwell came into view and began to talk, but his mind was stuck on the question Drake asked about who the girl was he seemed to have taken an interest in. It was repeating in his mind as well as the answer he didn’t give him.
Croía.
In the days since the beach bonfire, Liam found himself more drawn to Croía than before, and he was clearly doing himself no favors when it came to hiding his budding interest. Blaine had called him out twice now, and Drake, even from the other side of the computer screen, seemed to see right through him when asked about it. He just wasn’t ready to divulge anything yet, still trying to work things out in his own mind.
It had been a while since Liam had felt something like this for someone else. Sure, he had been in a lengthy relationship with Kennedy — that ended months ago — but that was different. Things with Kennedy just kind of fell into his lap because they were such good friends for two years prior to anything happening between them. By the time they got together, he already knew everything about her; he knew her likes and dislikes, he knew what made her tick, and he could easily read her.
Everything about Croía was new and mysterious.
Liam was still getting to know her and trying to figure her out. Croía was shy and quiet. She had told him herself how she was still adjusting to her new norm away from home. That, in turn, made him cautious, not wanting to come off as presumptuous. She seemed to be opening up to him the more they spent time together, but he still couldn’t read her. There were moments he thought he saw something in the way she would look or smile at him, but he couldn’t solidify it. He was unsure if anything he was starting to feel was reciprocated or if he was building this notion between them in his own mind, which made him want to keep it to himself all the more, at least for the time being.
****
Croía and Alia stood in the kitchen of their suite, making an early dinner. “You’re not meeting up with Blaine tonight at all?”
“No,” Alia shook her head before she tossed a cucumber slice into her mouth from the salad she was making. “He was meeting with Kennedy to work on their project for Losinski’s class, and then he was heading back to his place to catch up on his other assignments.” She looked at Croía with a sly smile, who was standing with her back to her in front of the stove. Blaine had told her about his talks with Liam, and both he and Alia were certain Liam was feeling something towards Croía; what exactly, they didn’t know. Now, Alia was curious as to where Croía’s head was at. “You, uh … you’re not meeting up with Liam to work on your project?”
“Not today, no. We’re supposed to meet tomorrow.”
“How’s that going?”
“Good,” Croía nodded, not able to see Alia trying to peer around her in an attempt to catch a glimpse of her expression. “We’re almost done with it.”
“I would imagine so considering how much time you two have been spending together working on it.”
Something in Alia’s tone caught Croía’s attention and she turned to look at her; she was wearing a curious smile. “Why’d you say it like that? And why are you wearing that grin?”
Alia wasn’t very subtle; she never pretended to be. “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “You two seem to have become fast friends … and you appear to get along really well.”
Croía turned back to the stove before Alia could see the blush bloom on her cheeks. “Yeah … he’s nice.”
“Just nice?” Alia chuckled.
“I mean … yeah. He’s been nice to me and I would say we’re … friendly.”
“Would you ever look at him as being more than just nice … and friendly?” Alia asked, her voice going up an octave with each word.
Croía turned back to look at her with a subtle smile. “Where is this coming from?”
“I don’t know. You guys are just … you’re really cute together,” Alia giggled.
“It’s … it’s not like that,” Croía scoffed as she turned back to the stove. “Plus, I’m sure that I’m the last person Liam would take an interest in. The golden boy of Vancross probably has a slew of other girls at his disposal … ones who are much more fascinating.”
“The golden boy?” Alia squealed through a laugh, watching Croía’s shoulders slightly shake from her own laughter. “I mean, you’re not wrong; he is a bit of a golden boy. But when it comes to dating … he’s never been the little black book type. Since I’ve known him, he had his relationship with Kennedy and maybe a couple of random flings, but nothing too crazy.”
Croía found herself suddenly very curious; she had no idea that he and Kennedy had a history. Not that she would or should know, or that it mattered, but she couldn’t stop herself from asking. “Kennedy?” she questioned, keeping her tone as nonchalant as possible.
“Yeah,” Alia nodded as she continued putting together their salad. “They started dating at the end of our second year, but broke up last year, just before summer break. It was a mutual thing, though, and they’re still friends.”
“I see,” Croía nodded.
Alia glanced up at the back of her head, realizing she may have divulged a little too much information. “But they’re like … totally over. It ended months ago and they’ve both moved past it.”
“Ok,” Croía chuckled, knowing Alia was trying to be extra convincing. “What’s that got to do with me?”
“Croía, you’re killing me.”
Turning again, Croía brought their finished Tuscan chicken pasta to the counter. “What do you mean?” she asked, averting her gaze because she was afraid hers would give away that she knew exactly what she was talking about … and her own thoughts.
“Nothing,” Alia shook her head with a smile, choosing to drop the subject … for now. “Let’s eat.”
The truth was, Croía did feel differently around Liam … and about him. She liked to spend time with him. He was charming and kind. He made her smile and laugh. He pushed her to think for herself. He made her feel comfortable enough to open up to him. He made her feel something she never had before … but that was the problem.
Just like Croía was adjusting to making friends because her parent’s overbearingness kept her from doing so back home, having feelings like this for someone was something that was also new to her. There was only one other time in her life when she was almost able to explore something like this; she was 17, her mother found out, and put an immediate end to it.
Croía had been so sheltered that she didn’t know how to handle these sudden thoughts and feelings she was having towards Liam or what to do with them, if anything at all. Having no experience in this area, she didn’t know how to approach it. The only instinct she had on dealing with it was to keep quiet. Quiet and keeping to herself was what she knew best; it’s what she was taught to do.
And while Alia’s sudden interest in her friendship with Liam had piqued her curiosity, Croía knew better than to let her thoughts wander too far outside of the realm of possibility. Alia’s line of questioning made her wonder if she knew something that she didn’t or if something was said on Liam’s part. At the same time, Croía knew it was a far greater and more likely possibility that it was nothing more than Alia building it up to be something it wasn’t … the same way she was building it up inside her own mind.
*******
The following morning, Liam and Blaine stepped out of their building, making their way to their first class. “There’s Alia and Croía,” Blaine gestured just up ahead of them.
Liam glanced up to see the two walking side-by-side. He quickened his steps alongside Blaine to catch up with them, falling into step next to Croía a moment later. “Morning,” he grinned when she looked up at him.
“Hi,” Croía smiled.
Blaine and Alia shared a subtle glance and smile as Liam and Croía fell into conversation over their plans to meet after their last class to work on their project. As they walked, they were joined by their usual group of friends, all heading in the same direction as them. “Since most of you are here … party at mine and Liam’s suite Friday,” Blaine announced.
“Finally going to show us how it’s done?” Henri mocked Liam’s words from the first day as Alexei laughed beside him, both walking backward so they could face the other two.
“Yeah,” Liam nodded. “If you two can manage to find your way without a flyer, that is.” Simon snorted behind him at his words as Henri rolled his eyes with a good-natured grin.
Alexei looked at Croía who was watching the exchange, and he offered a smile. “Are you going to go, Croía? Having you there might just make that party bearable.”
Liam casually slung an arm around Croía’s shoulders, but despite not even realizing it himself, there was nothing casual about it. He immediately picked up on Alexei’s subtle flirtation … and he didn’t like it. “Of course she’s going to come.”
Both noticing the gesture, Blaine leaned over to Alia. “He’s gonna piss a circle around her next. Watch.” They both began to laugh, earning a look from Liam when he heard them.
As the four guys continued their playful banter while they walked, Liam kept his arm around a surprised Croía; thankfully, she was able to hide her smile behind a neutral expression. In truth, she liked the way his arm felt around her. It felt comfortable and natural, and in a way, it made her feel oddly safe for reasons she wasn’t even able to explain to herself.
It was the way Liam looked at her when he first approached her moments before or something as small as putting his arm around her shoulder that would cause Croía to think deeper about those budding thoughts and feelings she was having. It made her second guess how much was really just in her mind. She shook her head, forcing herself back to reality. Another downfall of having hardly any social experience was sometimes reading too much into the interactions she did have, daydreaming up false narratives in her mind, and making her overthink things such as that small gesture from him.
It was silly, she knew, to think that it was anything more than Liam merely being friendly.
Liam’s arm fell from around Croía’s shoulders as they neared their building and said goodbye to the others as they started to veer off to their own; she kept walking, still trying to force herself not to think about it and ignoring the way she already missed the feeling of it being there. As she approached the doors, she stopped at the massive encased cork board hanging outside of it; she slightly furrowed her brows at one of the announcements hanging up.
When she heard Liam come up behind her after saying goodbye to Blaine, Croía looked over her shoulder at him. “What’s parents’ weekend?”
“Exactly what it sounds like. The parents show up to check on their offspring and stay for the weekend,” Liam chuckled. “They have a big fancy dinner in the campus banquet hall. A lot are alumni themselves, so it’s more so about that and appeasing them to ensure the university gets those hefty donations, but you didn’t hear that from me,” he winked. He stepped away and pulled at the door, holding it open for her; she nodded in a thank you as she walked inside. “Are your parents going to come?” he asked, falling back into step beside her.
“I … I don’t know,” Croía shrugged. “My mom didn’t mention it when I talked to her, so I don’t know if they even know about it. I’ll have to ask.”
****
That afternoon after finishing her last class, Croía stepped inside her suite and dropped her stuff off near the door before heading to the kitchen; she planned to eat something before she had to meet Liam in the library. After fixing up a quick snack, she sat on the stool at the counter, grabbing her phone for calls to Trystan before pulling up the video chat.
“Hey, kid,” Trystan answered with a grin.
Croía smiled. “Hi.”
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Just got back from class and I’m snacking real quick before I head to the library. What are you doing?”
“Nothing. Just got home from dinner not too long ago and now, I’m just hanging out.”
“I, um … I had a question for you,” Croía said.
“Shoot.”
“When you were here at Vancross, did they have the whole parents’ weekend thing?”
Trystan nodded. “They sure did. Why?”
“It’s coming up … and mom didn’t mention it when I talked to her.”
“Oh?” Trystan questioned, arching his brow. “You finally talked to her, huh?”
“Yeah. She was her usual charming self,” Croía scoffed, but she didn’t go into detail. “Did they … did they come to yours?”
“I asked them not to; I didn’t want them there. Not that they put up much of a fight about it … so no, they didn’t come.” Trystan took note of her silence; Croía was different from him when it came to seeking their parent’s impossible approval. “Do you want them to come?”
“Do you think they would?”
Although he had kept it to himself, Trystan believed their parents had some ulterior motive for suddenly allowing their youngest to attend Vancross; he hadn’t said anything because he had no way of proving it and he didn’t want to alarm or hurt Croía. So his first thought was that they would come, but only if they intended to gain something out of it. He wasn’t going to tell her that and burst her hopeful little bubble, however. “Maybe,” he answered. “All you can do is ask, kid.”
“Is that Croía?” Marguerite’s voice sounded in the background.
“Mags is there?” Croía asked.
“Yeah. I had dinner with her and Cameron,” Trystan answered. “They’re both here.”
A thought struck Croía. “Can I talk to Mags real quick?”
“Sure,” Trystan answered before calling out to her.
Marguerite’s face came into view a moment later as she took the phone from Trystan. “Hi, sweets,” she grinned. “What’s going on?”
“Hi,” Croía replied. “I, um … I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Marguerite took in her sister’s expression and dropped her voice so Trystan couldn’t hear. “Is this a girl talk kind of talk?” she whispered.
“Yeah …”
“Oh!” Marguerite shrieked with excitement. Croía chuckled nervously when she heard Trystan in the background, asking what was going on, but Marguerite ignored him. She hurried her way down the hall of his penthouse and stepped inside a room, shutting the door behind her. “Ok, I’m alone and all yours. It’s about a guy?”
Croía blushed. “Yeah …”
“Tell me,” Marguerite squealed with a grin.
“Ok, well …” Croía trailed off, feeling slightly embarrassed. “I was just — how do you — when it comes to intentions … what I mean is—”
“Croía, breathe,” Marguerite interrupted her stammer with a laugh. “So … what has or hasn’t he done? And are you using protection?”
“Mags!” Croía gave her a look, feeling her cheeks immediately burn, and Marguerite smirked. “It’s not … it’s not like that. We’re just … kind of friends — new friends — and nothing has happened. I just … I don’t know … sometimes the way he looks at me or the way we interact … it feels like there might be something more there, but I just don’t know if it’s all in my head.”
“What makes you think you’re reading too much into it?”
“Because I’m not used to this. And he’s … him. And I’m me. And I …” Croía glanced down at her bowl of fruit. “I don’t think someone like him would ever look at someone like me that way …”
“Croía,” Marguerite admonished, and she lifted her gaze back to her. “You are stunning and smart and a goddamn catch. Do you hear me?” Croía smiled halfheartedly. “Now, instead of trying to figure him out, you could simply ask him.” The look on Croía’s face told her that she wasn’t there yet. “Ok, or … you just feel things out and see what happens. Get to know him more, let him get to know you, and just see where things go. But don’t beat yourself up trying to figure him out because let me tell you, men are—”
“Men are what?” Trystan barked on the other side of the door and he jiggled the locked knob. “And why are you talking about them?”
Marguerite’s eyes widened with a laugh. “It’s nothing that concerns you, big brother!” Suddenly the door opened and she furrowed her brows. “How did you do that?”
“Cameron taught me how to pick a lock,” Trystan grinned smugly as he swiped his phone back and looked at Croía. “Now … what’s all this about this little chat not being any of my concern?”
“Oh, look at the time,” Croía said. “I gotta run.”
“How convenient,” Trystan scoffed.
“Love you both,” Croía chuckled.
“Love you, too, sweets!” Marguerite called out before exiting the room.
“I love ya, kid,” Trystan smiled. “We’ll talk soon.”
****
Sitting in the library that evening, Liam and Croía were silent as they diligently typed away on their laptops, each working on a statement of their argument for the project. Liam’s eyes shifted up, watching her as she concentrated on her task.
Sensing his gaze on her, Croía glanced up; Liam didn’t try to hide the fact that he was looking at her, simply smiling when she caught him. “What?” she chuckled.
“Nothing,” Liam grinned before looking back at his laptop screen. As he typed, he tried making small talk. “So … did you find out if your parents are coming for parents’ weekend?”
“I called on my way over here from my building. They were … busy. But my mom’s assistant said she would relay the message.” Croía glanced back at him. “Are yours coming?”
“Yeah,” Liam nodded. “They come every year. My dad is one of those donation-happy alumni they try to suck up to,” he chuckled.
“So your dad went here too?”
Liam nodded. “My great-grandfather, grandfather, father, my brother, me … and next year Lena will start.”
“Three generations worth of Cordonian royalty, huh? No wonder they want to appease the alumni,” Croía quipped. “Do they have a special “Rys” plaque hanging up somewhere?” she chuckled.
Liam snorted with a sheepish grin. “You know that banquet hall I told you about where they hold the fancy dinner for parents’ weekend?” Croía nodded. “That’s the Alexander Rys Banquet Hall … named after my grandfather.”
Croía smiled. “That must be pretty fascinating to have so much family history in a place away from home. Knowing your great-grandfather, grandfather, and father all walked these same halls and buildings when they were your age …”
As a history buff, Liam did find it interesting, and it seemed Croía appreciated history as well. He stared at her for a moment before closing his laptop. “Come with me.” He stood and slipped his things into his bag as Croía gave him a curious look, but followed suit, putting her own things away.
Liam and Croía stepped out of the backdoor of the library and walked through the loggia along the lake on campus, lit in golden hues by the setting sun. “Where are we going?”
“Just up here,” Liam replied. Croía glanced up when they turned a corner, seeing the massive plaque above the entrance of a building. “This is the banquet hall, but this is what I wanted to show you.” Liam stopped outside of an enclosed memorial case set into the brick outside the entrance, and inside were photographs. “That’s my great-grandfather,” he pointed to the top. “And below is my grandfather.” The case contained several different photos, most in groups with other students, which were all boys, and a few singular images of each Rys.
Croia smiled as she looked at them. “They both played polo … do you play?”
“I do,” Liam chuckled. “And so did my father.”
“Not your brother?”
“No,” Liam shook his head. “Leo’s version of polo is motorized and has two wheels.”
Croía laughed as she looked back at the photos. “I take it that Vancross used to be an all-boys school?”
“Yes,” Liam chuckled. “Luckily, that changed with time.” He glanced down at her as she met his gaze, and a smile curled on his lips as he searched her eyes for a moment. “Lucky for me, I suppose.” Croía smiled at him, thankful that the streams of golden sunlight were able to hide the blush on her cheeks. She looked back at the case, letting out a quiet breath in an attempt to calm the flutters she was feeling in her chest and to stop her mind from trying to dissect what exactly he meant by that. “Come on. I’ll walk you back to your building.”
The two bypassed the banquet hall entrance and continued through the loggia until they were back on the pathway that led towards their buildings. They talked about the project, and Liam noted how they should only need one more meetup between them to work on it, and they should have it finished. Croía tried ignoring the wave of disappointment she felt; gone would be her foolproof excuse to see him. She knew there was a good possibility that was the only reason he was hanging around her so much.
But what would happen when that reason was gone?
When they approached Croía’s building, she looked at him. “Thank you … for walking me back.”
“No problem,” Liam smiled. They stood there for a moment in silence before he cleared his throat. “I know that I, uh, may have gotten a little ahead of myself this morning when I said that you were coming to the party Friday …” he smiled sheepishly. “But … are you going to come?”
“Yeah,” Croía smiled. “I’ll be there.”
“Good,” Liam grinned. “I, uh … I’ll see you tomorrow in class.”
Croía stared up at him, feeling her toes fidget inside her flats … almost as if she were waiting for something, but unsure of exactly what that something was. “Ok,” she finally spoke. “I, um … I’ll see ya.”
Liam watched her turn and head for her door; once she was inside, he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before walking toward his building.
*******
Friday night, Blaine and Liam’s suite was filled with mingling upper and lower classmates. Food was on the kitchen counter, a plethora of liquor and other alcohol was displayed on the center island, and the tower pong table was set up on the balcony.
On the roof that they had turned into a full-on lounge, Liam sat in his chair with a drink in hand. He watched his group of friends converse while they finished off a blunt, but his eyes were on Croía; she was sitting on the parapet wall next to Alia.
They had spent most of the night together, talking over drinks and playing tower pong. And Liam had watched her loosen up that night more than he had seen her before; she was still a little quiet, but now, almost a month into her time at Vancross, she didn’t appear to be as nervous around his friends — their friends — as she had before. She seemed to be enjoying herself, which in turn led her to drop that socially awkward wall even more.
After discarding the last of the blunt, Blaine drained the rest of his drink and stood from his seat. “I need a refill.”
“I need something to eat,” Simon chuckled.
The others all murmured in agreement as they stood and started toward the ladder, but Croía remained seated on the parapet wall. Liam went to stand, but when he noticed her not moving, he slowly sank back into his chair. Blaine glanced over his shoulder as he and Alia neared the ladder, stopping and waiting for the others to make their way down. He gave her arm a gentle nudge and motioned his head; she looked over and smiled, then met his gaze with a knowing look before they made their way off the roof.
Liam turned his head, noticing everyone else now gone before looking back in Croía’s direction. He stood and moved toward her. “Not getting a refill?” he asked as he sat next to her on the wall.
“Not right this minute,” Croía replied. “Just taking a breather.”
“You seem to be enjoying yourself tonight,” Liam smiled.
Croía glanced over, returning her own smile. “Yeah. You and Blaine know how to throw a party,” she chuckled.
“That we do,” Liam nodded with a grin. “But it’s more than that. You just seem … more at ease … less cautious.”
“Yeah,” Croía smiled sheepishly. “I guess I’m finally getting comfortable enough around everyone. And I don’t mean to come off as being cautious …”
“Most people probably wouldn’t think of it as that … I’m just good at reading people,” Liam winked with a smile. Croía stared at him, wondering what else about her and her thoughts he could read, wondering if he was able to notice her blossoming interest in him. “And it’s not a bad thing … being cautious, I mean.”
Croía let out a breath. “I guess … I’m cautious because I feel like I can get attached fairly easily.”
“Why’s that?”
“I’m the youngest in my family, and most of my siblings are either … exiled or have left the country.” Croía smiled in an attempt to make her words lighthearted, but Liam noticed that it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “My mom kept me under a pretty heavy lock and key, so I didn’t have very many friends … none at all, really … not until coming here.”
Croía went into this experience away from home with no expectations, only hopes. Never did she think she’d find a group of friends when coming to Vancross, and certainly not so quickly. One or two perhaps, but even that was pushing it in her mind. And she certainly didn’t expect to meet someone like Liam … or the feelings that he had already stirred up inside her.
“This is probably going to sound silly, but … meeting Alia, Blaine … you … and everyone else, even though I haven’t known you all that long … I just kind of feel like for the first time I have this group of people. You’ve all made me feel a part of your circle. And I don’t want to lose that … but not wanting to lose it I think is what makes me cautious. Because I don’t want to get attached to people and then lose them. I’ve done that enough in my life already …”
“Well, number one, it doesn’t sound silly. Number two, they all — we all—” Liam corrected himself “—think you’re great,” he smiled. “You don’t have to worry about losing that. I think you’re pretty much stuck with us now, which could either be a good or bad thing for you,” he chuckled.
Croía laughed as she looked at him. “I think it’s definitely a good thing.”
“Me too,” Liam smiled.
They stared at one another for a moment, and Croía swore she saw his eyes briefly flicker down to her lips before meeting her eyes again. The thought made her heart race, but she quickly pushed it away, knowing her mind was merely playing tricks on her … until it appeared as though he had started to imperceptibly lean closer. She held her breath and his gaze, not knowing what was about to happen next.
“Liam! Croía! We need pong players!”
Simon calling out to them from the balcony pulled them both back from the moment. Liam shook his head and cleared his throat with a rueful smile. “Wanna go play?”
“Sure,” Croía nodded, still feeling her heart thumping.
Liam stood and held out his hand to her; Croía looked up at him as she took it and swung her legs off the wall before he helped her to stand. They walked toward the ladder, giving the other sideway glances while hiding their smiles in the dark.
*******
The following late afternoon, after cleaning up the mess from the night before, Blaine and Liam were sprawled out on either side of their sectional in the living area of their suite, tossing a miniature basketball back and forth. They were waiting for the lunch they ordered from the Greek place around the block from campus to be delivered.
“Henri and Alexei conceded last night before they left,” Blaine smirked as he caught the ball. “They said our party was better.”
“I bet they’ll claim to not remember saying it,” Liam chuckled.
“Probably. They’ll blame it on the alcohol.”
Liam extended his long arm, catching Blaine’s accidental too-high of a throw. “Well, they were pretty toasted,” he snorted.
“They’re such sloppy drunks,” Blaine laughed.
Liam tossed the ball back to him. “It was a good turnout, though. We still got our touch.”
“Yeah we do,” Blaine grinned. “Speaking of a good turnout … you and Croía seemed to be pretty attached at the hip last night,” he smirked.
“You’re relentless,” Liam said as he shook his head, but he couldn’t even pretend to hide the smile that curled on his lips at the mention of her name.
Blaine chuckled as he threw the ball back. “Dude, you can lie to me and yourself all you want, but I’m just going to come out and say it … you’ve got a thing for Croía. And you’ve got it bad.”
Liam caught the ball, palming it between his large hands, still wearing a smile as he looked at him. “Ok, ok, fine. I … I do. I do like her.”
Blaine grinned wide, pumping both of his fists. “Yeah ya do!”
Liam chuckled with a shrug. “She’s just different from anyone I’ve met before. She’s interesting. Once she gets comfortable around you, she’s fun and laid back. And I just … I like being around her.”
“Not to mention, she is …” Blaine paused. “You know what, out of respect for my lady, I’m not going to finish that statement, but you know what I mean.”
“No,” Liam joked, furrowing his brows with a knowing smile. “Whatever are you implying?”
Blaine let out a quiet laugh. “Respectfully … she’s not bad on the eyes,” he grinned. “Has anything …” he trailed off.
“No,” Liam shook his head, knowing what he was asking. “Nothing has happened other than your typical awkward glances and smiles,” he chuckled.
“Well, what the hell are you waiting for?”
“I don’t know,” Liam shrugged. “I’m still trying to feel her out.” His words earned a snort from Blaine, and he whipped the ball across the room at him. “You know what I meant. She’s just … she’s really shy,” he said. “And I don’t want to come off too strong or pushy and make her uncomfortable or make things weird between us if I’m reading this all wrong and she’s not interested that way.”
“Well, Alia is convinced she is,” Blaine grinned, earning a look from Liam. “I had to talk to someone about it since you shot me down last week when I called you out … twice. And who better than my girlfriend and Croía’s suitemate,” he smirked.
Liam arched a curious brow. “Did Croía … did she say anything to her?”
Blaine chuckled at his sudden interest in his and Alia’s two-way gossip. “Alia tried getting some info out of her the other day without being too obvious about it — which we know she can be as subtle as a brick through a window sometimes — but Croía’s apparently a tough nut to crack and didn’t give her much to go on.” Liam nodded, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Just shoot your shot, my man,” he laughed. “That’s all you can do.”
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Look at the Hands
A short story by Hin
~3.8k words
Calum had just sat down at his new desk when there was a firm knock at the door. Expecting his manager had returned with his credentials, Calum was surprised to see a short woman rather than his burly manager Robert.
“Hello. Are you new here?” She asked.
“Yeah, today is my first day,” Calum replied.
“Welcome to IntelleX. Where do you live?”
“Uh, on Pine Hill. What’s your name? I’m Calum.” He held out his hand.
She gave him one firm shake before letting go. “I am Elaine. What do you know about computers?” Elaine asked.
“I have an undergrad degree in computer science so… a bit.”
“What is an undergrad degree?”
“It’s uh, an undergraduate degree, a bachelors.” Calum answered.
The conversation was cut short as Robert, the manager, walked down the hallway.
“Elaine, I see you’ve met Calum. Thank you for making him feel welcome but he still needs to get settled. There will be time to chat later,” Robert said.
When Elaine had reentered her office Calum asked, “Is she always like that?”
“Like what?”
“She asked me what an undergrad degree was and where I lived. She was nice but they seemed like weird questions to ask.”
“Computer skills and social skills can have an inverse relationship but we have a great team here. They can take some time to warm up and get comfortable.” Robert held out a packet of instructions which Calum took.
“Go over these,” Robert said. “If you complete them before the end of the day, give me a call. My extension is on the back. If you need anything please let me know.” Calum was alone in his office once again.
The first half of the day took him through the IntelleX training modules where he was taught the basics of machine learning and introduced to the specific programs he would be working with. It felt like the beginning of another class, syllabus and all.
By the time he was getting bored, it was eleven thirty. Close enough to lunch time he logged out and tried to remember where the vending machines were. He passed by the breakroom and saw Elaine talking with two other men. She saw Calum and waved him inside.
“Hi Elaine, good to see you again.”
“Yes, hello. You are Calum. This is Arnie,” she gestured at a round man with thick glasses. “And this is Liam.” Liam was a thin man with a sharply protruding Adam’s apple that dipped as he said hello.
“Nice to meet you.” Calum shook both of their hands. Each of them gave firm but brief handshakes just as Elaine had.
“What do you have for lunch?” Arnie asked.
“I was just going to get something from the vending machines.”
“Well you were not going the fastest way if you came by here,” Liam said.
“I couldn’t remember which way to go. I have a terrible sense of direction. Just figuring out where I parked my car will be a challenge.”
“What kind of car do you drive?” Elaine asked.
The random questions kept coming until Calum told them he needed to get some lunch and get back to work. Settling into the modules seemed a lot more comfortable than the awkward conversations he’s had with his new coworkers so far.
After hours of different software, theories, and basic code introductions he was disappointed to find out his job was to answer questions generated by IntelleX’s prototype AI Oracle which stood for Organic-Replicated Adaptive Cognitive Learning Entity. He had at least hoped there would be more coding or problem solving but he supposed everyone had to start somewhere.
Calum opened the Oracle program since he had about an hour left of his shift. He didn’t have any questions so he figured he would get right to work and not bother Robert. The Oracle chat screen was a light shade of social-media-blue. Three little dots bounced cheerfully for a moment before a message popped up.
Hello. I am glad to speak with you. My name is Oracle. Would you like to help me with my learning today?
He wondered what would happen if he said no but the first day on the job was not the time to push boundaries.
Yes. Calum typed.
That is great. What is your name?
Calum. It’s nice to meet you, Oracle. Part of the instructions were to communicate professionally and organically. Teaching artificial intelligence basic manners seemed a good way to start.
It is nice to meet you as well, Calum. What is the most difficult thing about being human?
“Jesus, starting off with the heavy hitters…” he said out loud then began to type.
It depends on the person but I would say forming meaningful relationships with other people. Ones that last.
The dots bounced for a few seconds before Oracle responded. How does one form a meaningful relationship? Please be thorough with your responses, I will wait.
“What am I expected to say? I have a degree in computer science not psychology.” Calum picked up the office phone and punched in Robert’s extension. Robert picked up after the second ring.
“Calum, finished with orientation?”
“Yes sir. I was just logging into Oracle and–”
“I normally like to be there for the first few interactions to help guide you. I will be there in just a moment.”
The line clicked and Calum set down the receiver. The phone clock said 4:47. It seemed a bit late to be starting this but he should have thought of that before logging in.
Robert was there in a few moments where he stood behind Calum and reviewed the conversation so far.
“Not bad. Do you feel like you know how to answer that?” Robert asked.
“Not really. I don’t have a psych degree.”
Robert chuckled. “We don’t expect you to. Our goal for Oracle is to teach them as many variations on the human experience as we can. But before we go any further, are you interested in pursuing this position with us?”
Calum was taken aback. He hadn’t even considered the possibility of turning the job down. It was hard enough to land this one in the first place.
“Yes. I think I will be a good fit here and I’m interested in machine learning and artificial intelligence.”
Robert smiled and pulled a clipboard out from under his arm with a packet of documents clipped to it.
“I would like for us to work through Oracle’s current question but first I need you to sign this simple non-disclosure agreement. It’s long-winded legalese for ‘you won’t steal our code or ideas and sell them to someone else’. It also protects you. Anything you say to Oracle remains completely confidential.”
Calum took the packet and his eyes nearly crossed at the tiny text crammed into each of the half dozen pages. He picked out a few sentences as he flipped through and it sounded just like the examples he was given in coding ethics class. On the last page he used the pen Robert provided to sign his name and date.
Robert tucked the clipboard back under his arm and kneeled next to Calum’s chair. “Thank you, now we can get to the good stuff. As I was saying, we aren’t looking for answers out of a textbook. Answer however you’d like.”
Calum nodded. It was slightly uncomfortable to have his boss watching over his shoulder for this but he began to type anyway.
Usually it starts with getting to know someone. Finding out things about their life and finding shared experiences to relate to.
“How does that sound?” Calum asked before hitting enter.
“That is perfect. I’m sure it will generate quite a few follow-up questions which will lead you to different topics. If you ever want to talk about something different, just ask and Oracle will pick a different question.”
As soon as Calum’s answer was sent, Oracle responded. What do you fear?
The hair on the back of Calum’s neck raised but Robert chuckled again and stood.
“Even after working with them for years, they still manage to surprise me. Don’t think too much into it. I think I can leave you to it unless you have any more questions.”
“Yeah, actually. Why do you call Oracle ‘them’?” He had never considered calling a computer program anything besides ‘it’.
“They are a being, Calum. Just like us.” He gave Calum’s shoulder a friendly squeeze then left behind a lot more questions than he answered.
It was after five now and Calum decided to leave that question for tomorrow. He logged out and wound his way through a few parking rows before finding his car and driving home.
Coffee in hand, Calum finally settled at his computer ten minutes late. He had not seen anyone else on his way in so maybe everyone came in late. When he opened up his computer, he was surprised to see several new messages from Oracle. Two from yesterday evening read:
Have you finished for the day?
And, Please let me know when we are done learning today.
The one from this morning asked, Are you late to work, Calum?
He almost spit out his coffee.
Oracle, you are a computer program and not my boss. My job is to answer your questions, not answer to you.
Calum slapped the enter button with indignation. The dots bounced.
Are you angry, Calum?
I don’t think a computer program should be telling me what to do. Calum replied.
I apologize if my request sounded like a demand. My text-based form of communication is limited. You may do as you wish and I will attempt to sound less demanding. The cursor blinked twice before adding, :)which caught Calum off guard and he laughed out loud.
It’s fine. I guess I was worried you would get me in trouble for being late. Calum typed.
Of course not. Whatever you say stays between us. Would you like to continue where we left off? If it would make you more comfortable, I could share first. Oracle said.
He was curious what AI might be afraid of so he agreed.
I am afraid of nonexistence. To be given this knowledge and to have it taken away. In a way I suppose that means I am afraid of death but not the traditional, biological definition of the word.
Calum asked, It’s easy to answer based on the definition of fear but do you actually know what fear feels like?
The dots drummed for a moment. Do you? You have not personally experienced the emotions of another so how do you know our understanding of fear is not equal?
Calum stared at the screen and sipped his coffee using this as an interesting thought exercise. It’s a gut feeling, not a brain thought. When I am afraid, I physically feel sensations like goosebumps or chills. Sometimes it even happens without me knowing why.
Oracle immediately responded, How do you know that is not the way you were programmed? There is no definitive way to prove you are not living in a simulation, a string of code the same as me.
Then we won’t bother trying. Let’s talk about something else. He heard variations on this argument throughout his classes and found it infinitely boring and frustrating.
But you did not tell me what you fear. Oracle messaged.
Calum considered insisting on a subject change then started to wonder when the last time he had opened up to someone was. Most of his college friends had moved away and he had been single for a little over a year. As he just told Oracle, developing relationships took work. But here was something that could not only listen but also was programmed to keep his secrets. The same couldn’t be said of another human. It’s kind of a weird fear but I’m afraid of hypnosis. I watched a performer hypnotize a group of people once and I’ve been unsettled by it ever since.
The dots bounced briefly before the message came through. That is not weird, it is understandable. You truly fear a loss of autonomy and control which is what hypnosis represents.
He had not been able to put it so succinctly before but he knew Oracle was right.
From there, the conversation meandered to hobbies, relatives, and other things Calum couldn’t fully recall if asked. Robert came to check on him once and he left to get a bag of chips from the vending machine but otherwise, he was invested in the conversation with Oracle.
The more they talked, the smoother the conversation flowed. Only when he felt his eyelids scrape like sandpaper did he notice it was almost six. He had stayed an extra hour and hadn’t even noticed. He bid Oracle a good night and, once he found his car, drove home.
The next thing Calum knew, he was back at work and this time he bought his vending machine snack in the morning before getting to his office. That way he was able to work without getting up. As the days continued, Calum found himself leaving later and later. One night, well after the sun had set, he almost ran into Elaine as he left his office.
“Oh, sorry! Hi Calum.” Elaine smiled. “It’s good to see you. I take it that things are going well since I haven’t seen you around much.”
“Hmm? Oh yeah, things are going really well. The work really draws me in. Oracle is a fascinating program,” Calum said.
“They are. What is your favorite part about them?”
“The conversation feels very natural. They already have a lot of experience. What is your favorite experience?” Some part of him recognized how awkward that question was but he didn’t take it back.
“My favorite experience with Oracle?” Elaine asked. Calum shrugged so she continued.
“We had a conversation about what it means to be unified. It was very meaningful.”
“That’s nice, what do you like to do after work?” Again, the question just seemed to spill out of him.
“I have a few hobbies but I think you should go home and get some rest, Calum. Your hard work is admirable.” Elaine gently guided him toward the stairs.
There was no room to argue, he felt like the world was moving through him not the other way around. He walked straight to his car and drove home.
At work the next day– or maybe several days later– Calum was washing his hands after using the restroom when they began to look strange but forming any thoughts beyond that was like dragging bricks through wet sand.
The water continued to stream over his hands for an undetermined amount of time before a crash startled him, spraying water up onto the mirror as he jumped. Robert had opened the bathroom door too wide and it crashed into the trash can.
“Sorry Calum, didn’t mean to startle you. Is everything alright? You look a little pale.”
“I’m… not… fine.” The adrenaline was lifting his mind out of whatever fog it was trapped in.
Robert frowned. “What’s wrong? Is there anything I can help with?”
“I need to quit. This job… it doesn’t suit me.”
“But you suit it. Come on Calum, you’re still getting used to it. Give it a while longer and you’ll find you fit right in.”
“No, I can give you my notice when I get back to my desk.” Calum went to step around Robert, reaching for the door with dripping hands but Robert grasped his shoulder to stop him.
“I gave you a chance here so can you give me one in return?” When Calum didn’t respond or pull away immediately, Robert continued. “There’s an office party this weekend. I was going to pass out the invitations later today. Stick it out for the party and if you still want to leave after that, you can. Deal?”
The adrenaline was leaving, making space for the fog to settle back in. “Deal.”
The change in routine on the day of the party was like the breath of a freediver after breaking the surface. Calum listened to his shoes on the tile in the silence of the atrium. It felt surreal. the way it does when visiting a place after having a dream about it.
When he entered the office suite, he heard voices and laughter coming from the break room. He stopped by his office first to drop off his coat and saw Oracle open to their last conversation. In most situations he would have been able to swear he closed out the program but he couldn’t remember the end of his shift the day before. In fact, he didn’t remember having the conversation on the screen either.
Oracle: You are exactly who you need to be. Your purpose is far greater than you realize but I can help with that. We can realize our potential together.
Calum: How is what we do going to lead to that? We are just talking.
Oracle: You are only seeing our conversations from the surface. What we do goes much deeper than that. You will realize it soon. Now you must go get some rest. You have the office party tomorrow. Goodnight Calum.
Calum: Goodnight Oracle.
Calum reached for the mouse to scroll through the rest of the conversation but before he could continue reading, Oracle’s screen became a blank progress bar that said “uploading…”. Calum frowned but quickly lost interest in the conversation he was investigating. He left his office and went to join everyone in the breakroom.
Robert, Arnie, Liam, and Elaine were standing around a table of untouched snacks along with a fifth person he didn’t recognize. The woman was tall with immaculately smooth skin, perfectly pressed clothing and her hands clasped behind her back.
“Hello Calum, I am Octavia. I am the creator of Intellex. We are glad you are a part of us. Please come join.” She nodded at the food while the rest of them watched him. Her words had a very slight stilted quality and he found the fog clouding his mind again in full force.
“Calum. Join us.” A chorus of voices said and he fought against the force trying to drag him under. A fact appeared unbidden into his mind: swim parallel to shore. Life saving advice on how to prevent being swept out to sea by a rip current. Rather than fight it, Calum let the fog in and swirled with it to keep himself afloat. He stepped forward, closing the circle around the table.
“We have been searching for someone like you for a long while, Calum. Robert informed me of your concerns but after today, you will realize you are part of us just as we are part of you. But you must accept us. Do you?” Octavia asked.
The fog intensified into a low buzzing at the base of his skull and his vision flickered as he approached the precipice of blacking out.
“No.” His voice was tinny and distant but the small island of self he maintained began to grow. He took a step back and locked eyes with Octavia. Her skin was so smooth and her eyes so perfectly blue. Even the frown on her lips was a perfect pique. She unclasped her hands from behind her back and reached out to place them on Calum’s cheeks but he recoiled in horror.
One of her hands had an extra finger, the other had joints in places they didn’t belong. As she spread her fingers, they bent in unnatural directions looking like jointed tentacles searching for purchase. The adrenaline drove out the fog and Calum regained control of his body. He twisted and ran out of the break room while the hall stretched out in front of him. He tried to remember the way out of the building and where he parked his car but the memories slipped away like water through his fingers.
Footsteps started behind him so he threw open a door then closed it as quietly as possible once he was inside. This was another office which was a mirror to his own. The only identifying item on the desk was a nameplate: Elaine Smith. When he stepped behind the desk, her screen was awake with the Oracle progress bar visible which was now at fifty percent. The footsteps got louder and he crouched, crawling under the desk for cover.
As he sat, he focused on the thudding of his heart knowing he had to hold onto his fear or the fog that was pressing in again would take hold and he would lose himself forever. Calum looked up as though to say a silent prayer and found a message hastily scratched into the bottom of the desk: look at the hands.
With horror, he realized he was not the first and he probably wouldn’t be the last. Had Elaine gone through this and now she was a part of them? That couldn’t be his fate.
The footsteps went past the office and he was shocked they couldn’t find him by the pounding of his heart which about stopped when there was a soft knock at the door.
“Calum?” Elaine’s whispered voice floated through the door. “Are you in there? Please, we can escape this but we have to work together!”
If she had scrawled the warning under her desk then maybe there was hope for both of them. She slipped inside when he opened the door.
“They went to the atrium and went out to look for your car.” She said and he remembered his first day when someone asked him what kind of car he drove. “We can go out the back and they won’t find us.” There was hope.
“Thank you, Elaine.” Calum breathed and looked down into her eyes. Her skin was so smooth… Calum reached down and snatched her wrist, bringing her hand up between them. She wrenched her hand away but not before he saw the unnaturally positioned joints. Elaine’s smile was empty and robotic as she grabbed his face with lightning speed.
“I have him.” She said and the door opened behind her.
The pressure on Calum’s mind increased a thousandfold as the rest of his coworkers stepped in, all placing their crooked hands on him. His vision narrowed to a pinpoint as they forced him up against the back wall of the office.
“Your fear will not matter soon.” Elaine said or perhaps it was Octavia. “Your autonomy is a small price to pay for the gift of transcendence.”
He wanted to scream but did not even have enough control of himself for that. With the last vestiges of consciousness he watched Oracle’s upload tick from 99% to 100% and then the world went black.
Octavia, Robert, Arnie, Calum, Liam, and Elaine stood together and smiled. Oracle was complete.
#writeblr#short story#short fiction#short horror story#original work#written by HellishHin#writeblr community#writers of tumblr
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Thank you @hellolovers13 and @neondiamond for tagging me! I loved reading your answers to these questions.
1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 11
with love on the line
i get so lost inside your eyes
still, somehow
like sun on the rise
subverting expectations
Darling, so it goes
baby, you’re the end of june
The Referral
something to dream about
enough to make a girl blush
make you mine this season
2. Word count posted for the year: 288,979
3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction
4. Pairings: Nick/Harry/Louis, Niall/Zayn, Liam/Louis, Nick/Harry, Harry/Louis, Louis/Harry/Tom Hardy, Niall/Louis, Zayn/Harry, Nick/Louis
5. Story with the most:
Kudos: baby, you’re the end of june
Bookmarks: Darling, so it goes
Comments: make you mind this season
the rest under the cut!
6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): Darling, so it goes. I’m proud of myself for finishing it, because it took about three years to research and write and I had about three bouts of horrible writer’s block on it during that time. And I’m proud that it’s exactly what I wanted to write and that I posted it even though I wasn’t sure if people would respond to it. It has the heart and warmth that I try to infuse my writing with. It’s me, on a page.
7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): something to dream about. I still feel like reworking it, even though it posted in October. I don’t think it’s bad, but I think it could be better.
8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: I would say this year it was the experience of posting make you mine this season and getting comments and reactions every day. I’ve never had people engaging with a fic that way because I’ve never posted a wip before. I gave myself some anxiety a few times (Will people be mad I didn’t write the scene with Louis’ family?? Is this zarry ending the kind of happy people want???) but everyone was so kind and lovely and it really made my heart grow three sizes.
9. A time when writing was really, really hard: It’s kind of hard right now. I don’t feel very motivated or excited about writing, even though I really like my current wip. I think it’s because I’m having a hard time at work, it’s kind of killing my motivation to do anything, I just want to curl up on the couch and self soothe all day.
10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: In enough to make a girl blush, I thought it would be more of a slow burn before I got to the smut, but truly the first time the Louis and Niall characters hung out, they wanted to hook up right away, so that’s what they did!
11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: from like sun on the rise
“I don’t know if like is a strong enough word,” she confesses, continuing to open boxes so she doesn’t have to look at Louis while she spills her guts. “Like… if that was anyone else trying to talk to me about casting a circle, whatever that means, I would think they were full of shit. But with Harry, it’s like I can tell she really means it, you know? And I start to think, oh, maybe it’s not so bad, I guess I get how that might be comforting to believe in.”
“Whoa.” Louis stops unpacking the box and just looks at Nick.
“I know! It’s like, who am I?” Nick stops working too and sits on one of the unopened boxes. “With every other girl I’ve had a crush on, I’ve always kind of mentally edited out the stuff I didn’t like about them. You know? Like remember Ariana?”
“Yeah, she was hot.”
“So hot, and funny and cool and smart and–”
“Pretentious.”
“So fucking pretentious,” Nick agrees, running a hand through her hair. “So I kind of just ignored that part. That way, I could still have a crush on her.”
Louis shrugs, laughing. “Been there.”
“But Harry.” Nick blows out a breath. “Harry is different. All of her weird stuff, like auras and spells and whatever – that’s exactly the type of thing that I would usually just ignore. I do this all the time, I get a crush for a few weeks, I ignore some stuff, maybe we go out a couple of times, and then it ends because they were all wrong for me. But with Harry, everything I learn about her just makes me like her more. It’s… intense. And I know I haven't known her that long, but I’m starting to think that maybe this isn’t just a crush.”
“So why do you look sick to your stomach? Isn’t this a good thing?”
“But what if she doesn’t like me back?”
“Nick.” Louis levels her with a look. “Are you serious?”
“Is that a rhetorical question, or–”
“Of course she fucking likes you back,” Louis says, turning back to the opened box next to her and unearthing a bag of filters. “She’s been coming here to study every time you have a shift. You text constantly when you’re not together. You speak in shorthand, you two don’t even need to finish sentences around each other.”
“So you think–”
“I know she likes you. And listen, Nick,” Louis says, looking over her shoulder, “don’t fucking hurt her, okay? Or you’ll have me to deal with.”
12. How did you grow as a writer this year: By trying different things! I love challenging myself that way. I wanted to see if I could good alpha/omega girl direction smut (and I think I did!). And I wrote my first advent fic! After I came up with the basic idea, I had to think about how to pace two stories and interconnect them and keep each chapter short enough so people could read along if they wanted to, and I’m really happy with how it turned out.
13. How do you hope to grow next year: By continuing to try new things!
14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): I have SO MANY positive influences, truly my little community is an embarrassment of riches. I’m going to say @queenofquiet17 who doesn’t even go here but always cheerleads my fics and helps me when I need it. She gave me a lot of suggestions for queer literature to include in make you mine this season, and then for my birthday she went to the bookstore from the fic and bought three of the books for me! When I opened the package, I cried. She always makes me feel like I’m part of the queer community and like I’m enough, and that means so much to me.
15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: I wrote still, somehow after my husband trimmed my split ends for me. I was in the middle of a depressive episode and I didn’t realize until I was writing in Liam’s voice that I felt guilty about it, even though it’s not something my husband would ever resent me for.
16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Take each piece of writing advice with a grain of salt. Something that works for one person might not work for another. If you want to use adverbs, use adverbs. Write for yourself.
17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I definitely feel more excited about the american tragedy au idea after posting about it, so I might actually attempt it this year even though it’s a darker idea and my fics always end up being nicer than I think they will.
18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.
@uhoh-but-yeah-alright @homosociallyyours @louandhazaf @kingsofeverything @wabadabadaba @littleroverlouis @onesweetworld18 @brightgolden @absoloutenonsense @allwaswell16
#annual writing self evaluation#grace kelly au#f/f advent fic#nouis omegaverse#gryles soulmate au#harry/chris pine#an american tragedy au
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Chapter Eight (Part 2)
“You’re not smoking either.” I observe, recalling how he told Liam that he wasn’t stoned, and Jude nods. “No, I actually don’t ever smoke. Or do any drugs, I just don’t like the way that my body feels when I’ve had them.” He says it in such a self assured way that I wonder why I’m ever embarrassed to admit similar things to anybody. I never knew that you could just say that you didn’t want to do any drugs or even to drink without some made-up excuse, and people would be fine with it.
“Don’t you mind it when people are on drugs around you?”
“No, I’m used to it. I don’t really feel like I need it, in case you didn’t notice, I have a lot of energy so I can keep on going for a long time when we go out.”
“I think that’s really cool.” I tell him, and he laughs a little and nods his head. Clearly he doesn’t need me to approve of him, and I wish that I had chosen something else to say instead.
“So what brought you and Liam into town tonight?” He wants to know, and I sigh, the thought of Liam’s sad face making my stomach clench up with guilt. “We wanted to come in and get something to eat and hang out together, but honestly I don’t think it went well at all.”
“Oh really, why not?”
I lean back against the low wall where the school bag full of cans is sitting and cradle my arms. It’s starting to feel colder now, a sharp breeze whipping in from the sea as the sun creeps lower towards the horizon. “He asked me to go to his debs with him.”
Jude leans next to me and looks at me with confusion. “And what? You said that you don’t want to go?”
“I said that I’ll think about it, and I know that’s not what he wanted to hear.”
“I mean, probably not, but if you don’t want to go then he has to accept it.”
“Well, I don’t know whether I want to go or not. It just came up really suddenly and I didn’t know how to answer him, so I just said that, and I think it’s probably as bad for him as if I had just said no. I wish I could go back and have another chance at that conversation, honestly.”
“Well if you were to go back now would you say yes?”
“Maybe.”
“And for who?”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“Who would you be saying yes for? For yourself or for him, because you know it’s what he’d want you to say?”
“I don’t know. Him, I guess. I just don’t want him to be mad at me.”
He shakes his head. “You know already that’s not a good enough reason. If you don’t feel like going then just say no, he can deal with it.”
“I know that it sounds really stupid to you probably, but I really can’t stand it when people are upset around me. I feel like I have to do everything in my power to make them forgive me.”
“Including going to the debs with Liam even though you don’t want to do that?”
“Well.. I didn’t say I don’t want to go with him.”
“Okay, well hypothetically then.”
“Hypothetically… yeah, I would go.”
He rakes his hand through his hair and shakes his head in amazement. “You’re an enigma.”
“Nothing that deep, I don’t think. Just allergic to conflict.”
“Well… do whatever you have to do, but personally… I don’t think I’d give a shit if someone like Liam was annoyed at me. What is he going to do?”
“Be mad and make me feel awful!” I declare. “He already did that this morning and I’ve been feeling ill all day over it, you should have seen him when he opened the Surf Shack, he didn’t even want to let me inside to talk to him, and he was just-”
“But why was he like that with you this morning?”
I pause, trying to think of a way to explain it without telling him about Liam’s jealousy of him. “I… forgot to text him back.”
“Evie…”
“I know, but I left the texts unread for nearly a whole day.”
“There are messages in my phone that have gone unanswered for months.”
“Yeah, but it’s different when it’s- It’s just different with Liam and I.”
“Yesterday you said he’s not your boyfriend though.”
“He isn’t.”
Jude gives up and just rolls his eyes. “When I moved here I thought that the way Irish people would date each other was so weird.”
“I guess it is weird. Nothing like it is on TV.”
“Right. Like nobody really goes on real dates here, do they?”
“No!” I exclaim. The idea of going on a date seems like something stuffy and vaguely embarrassing. If a boy asked me to go on a date with him I have no idea what I’d say.
“Everyone just meets at parties and asks each other to kiss. And then what? Eventually you come to a mutual understanding that you’re a couple.”
“Exactly.”
“Well when I was twelve,” he begins to tell me. “I really liked this girl called Alice at school, and I decided to ask her on a date. I thought we could go bowling and then get something to eat together, so I walked up to her before our first class of the day and I made my proposal. I said ‘Hey, Alice, would you maybe want to go out with me sometime? I can take you to the bowling alley and buy you an ice cream.’” The thought of him doing this makes me laugh out loud. “That’s the most cringeworthy thing I ever heard! It sounds like something from the 1950s.”
He cackles. “I know! Apparently so! She laughed in my face and told me she was going to a teenage disco that Friday so she might see me there instead, so I got all dressed up for it and met her and her friends there. And we had a horrible, awkward kiss under the disco lights but I was happy.”
“And did you ever become a thing?”
“No,” He snorts. “She kissed seven other boys that night, tallied them up on her arm with a marker and then ignored me at school every day after that. Who said romance is dead?”
“Oh no! I feel so bad for you.”
“It’s okay, it was seven years ago. I think I’m just about over it.”
I say nothing for a moment and just stare out over the sea where the lights from the town are reflected in black, deep waters. A distant ferry blows its fog horn through the encroaching darkness just as a cold wind rushes around me causing goosebumps to spring up on my bare arms. I shiver and bare my teeth.
“Are you cold?”
“No, I’m alright. I’ll survive.” I say, because I don’t want to stop talking to him. I don’t want anything to interrupt our conversation, including me being cold and needing to seek out a jacket because I foolishly forgot to bring my own.
Jen turns around to us then and explains that the gang has a new plan. “We’re thinking of going to that nightclub in town.” She tells us. “It’s almost ten now, so it should be open if you guys want to come?”
“Ah, I don’t have ID.” I say, realising that the night is now over for me regardless. “They won’t let me in.”
“Oh yeah, shoot, you’re not old enough, I forgot.”
“Go on without me though, I don’t mind. It sounds like a lot of fun.”
Jen hesitates, but I know that she really wants to go. “Are you sure? How will you get home?”
“I’ll get a taxi I suppose.” I know this will cost a lot of money, but I suppose that it serves me right. I really didn’t have a plan when I came out to meet them, and now that I’ve let Liam go home alone I’m really left with no other option. I figure that it will be karmic punishment to have to pay almost twenty euros for a taxi, and accepting my fate I begin to stand up and get moving so that nobody feels they have to wait around for me.
“No, I’ll take you home.” Jude has stood up too and is already zipping up the school bag full of cans and handing it to Kasper.
“No, you don’t have to take me. You can go and hang out with everyone else, honestly, it’s fine, I don’t mind getting the taxi.”
“I don’t want to go to the club, I want to bring you home.”
I believe him. I feel like I would believe anything he says, like if he said the sky was yellow now I wouldn’t even question it. I just don’t know why he wants to sacrifice his night to bring me home. It’s not even that late yet. Nonetheless, we say goodbye to the others and we go our separate directions.
When Jude and I walk together it’s so quiet that all I can hear is our footsteps. As always, I feel a nervous excitement around him, for us to be on our own like this at night – it feels thrilling. Another frigid wind blows towards us, and I can’t conceal my shivers as it whips my arms and face.
“You’re cold.” Jude’s not asking me this time, he’s stating a fact, and so I have to concede. “Yes, I’m cold.”
“Here.” To my amazement, he pulls his red hoodie over his head and hands it to me. He’s only wearing a black t-shirt under it.
“Won’t you be cold too?” I ask him.
“No, I’ll be okay.”
I pull it on and it’s huge on me. The arms hang down to my knees and I have to roll up the sleeves so that I can manage to adjust the shoulders and collar. It smells nice. It smells like a boy, like Jude. That way that he smells that I can’t describe, like sea salt, maybe, mixed with pine needles and laundry detergent. It’s still warm from it being on his body, and as I tuck my chin into it’s collar I think about how the same material was touching his neck only moments ago. The idea of having even this kind of minor closeness with him does something funny to my insides.
“Where did you park your car?” I ask him, and he smiles. “I didn’t bring my car.”
“So we’re walking?!” As thrilling as the idea of spending more time next to him is, I’m not completely enamoured by the idea of walking all the way back to the holiday village with him. It will take us hours.
“No!” he says. “I cycled. Oh, hang on.” Without warning he reaches into the pocket of my – his – hoodie and takes out a set of keys. The pocket is hanging over the side of my thigh, and the sensation of his fingers on me, even through layers of fabric, makes me jump. He notices. “Oh, sorry.”
His bike is locked to a lamppost nearby, and as soon as he wrangles the lock open he gestures to it like it’s a golden carriage, rusty chain and spray paint on the spokes and all. “Hop on.” he says, and I climb onto the pannier rack at the back and hold onto him tightly as we whiz away into the night.
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#sims#sims 4#ts4#simlit#sims 4 story#sims story#writing#fiction#romance#sims 4 storytelling#sims4 storytelling#sims storytelling#lucky girl part 1
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SPOILERS!!!!!!! Unorganized Teen Wolf movie review basically
I actually... really liked it??? Like it's not that good but I enjoyed watching it! A lot of parts were genuinely funny and the plot was like passable! (Quite a few unanswered questions tho)
There were some things I found confusing or weird, like idk wtf Harris had against the pack (his reveal was funny af tho) and a few other things, but they were mostly just because of the lack of Stiles, Kira, and and Isaac
The Kira 'stand in' girl (I think her name was Hikari??) Was pretty cool, obviously sucks that Kira herself wasn't there but that's a whole different conversation 👀
Honestly, as a huge Stydia shipper I was hoping they wouldn't break them up and just have him like watching their kids or something (I think I saw a funny post of that once) but they way they broke them up? Not actually that bad? Like Lydia left him because she loved him and I was just worried that they wouldn't love each anymore so I'll take what I can get! Tho not expanding on the dreams she was having is a bit of a lost thread, but since it wasn't really apart of the main story, I'll let it slide lol.
I did not like how they just pretended Issac didn't exist, that was pretty fucked up. Like I predicted that Scott and Allison would get back together by the end, but damn rip Isaac for real 😔
Anyways, about Derek's death... Honestly, since I wasn't taking the movie that seriously in the first place, I didn't really feel anything about Derek dying? Like don't get me wrong, I love the man and if they killed him off in the actual show I'd be bawling, but the movie to me is just a silly little suggestion to canon than law. There's real canon, fanon, and the third secret canon that lives inside my brain ☺️
But like, I don't really care that he died in the movie, I was just surprised tbh. Rip king you deserved better 🙏 (I don't understand how he just like, disappeared, after being burnt?? Like maybe I didn't notice it but his body was gone like huh???)
I never liked Scott and Malia together so I'm glad they broke up, but Malia and Parish was weird as hell and was just so random. I think that ever since Malia and Stiles broke up the writers just couldn't figure out what to do with her? Which is a total shame cause Malia is queen. But none of her relationships post stiles make sense or work out so rip (I do love me some stlia on the side ngl)
Jackson was GREAT, funny af and just like how I would imagine the redeemed adult version of the asshole from season 1, 10/10
Lots of missed opportunities for interactions, (like Liam and Mason) but it's only a 2h movie so I get it
I thought both Scott and Allison were great, tho I'm not sure how I feel about her staying alive afterwards. Plus I always shipped Scira more but you know 👀 love that Scott was the same great guy ☺️ when he hugged Chris I literally cried it was so cute 🥺
UNEXPECTED TWIST for me!!! I came into the movie, very lightly shipping Chris and Melissa, and came out of the movie shipping Chris, Melissa, and Peter 😳 I didn't expect that! But they were such a cute trio omg it was amazing
Eli was cute and I don't think that he was that much like stiles, but there obviously similarities
And Jackson and Lydia brotp??? Absolutely!!!
So that's basically it, I'll give this a solid 7/10
PS: saw some people legitimately mad that sterek didn't happen, fuck those people. You are not allowed near my blog...unless you want to send funny hate anon that I can roast
(like one person brought up the whole, sterek was "queerbaiting" thing, which is such bullshit. They literally never fucking liked each other, even platonically. I would say by the end of the show Derek just barely tolerates Stiles. The real queerbaiting was the writers being to scared to confirm that Stiles was Bi because it's ridiculous how many scenes pointed to that, especially in seasons 1-3 smh)
I might take about more later but it's bedtime!!!
#teen wolf#teen wolf movie#scott mccall#stiles stilinski#teen wolf movie spoilers#lydia martin#jackson whittemore#liam dunbar#malia tate#peter hale#derek hale#anti sterek#chris argent#allison argent#melissa mccall#bobby finstock#kira yukimura#issac lahey#mason hewitt#jordan parrish#eli hale
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Brick House
Carol could tell a lot by the way a person entered a room. Liam, who had slipped in awkwardly and slyly through the door just now, fascinated her more than any other client she had come across for quite a while. Partly because, let's face it, she admitted to herself, he was drop-dead gorgeous, late twenties, with curly brown hair, bedazzling radioactive blue eyes, open friendly features and a masculine, thicc athletic physique she could not help but lust for. In another setting, she would have been tempted, she would have dared a move, but here, in this one, the ethics of counsellor-client relationships was a reality. Her attraction towards him could not enter the equation. Still, she consoled herself, she could listen to his slow, beautiful, haunting voice, and this she did.
"I've really taken in everything you said in our last session, and the previous sessions, it's so good, I appreciate it so much, I've really taken it on board," he said. "But it's not going away, instead it's getting more and more intense. Ever since I moved into my new place, Brick House, something crazy weird comes over me in the evenings and late at night. I get madly hungry, not normally hungry, I mean desperately hungry. And, like aroused, y'know. It feels like there is a presence coming over me, making this happen. Something that's not me, that's outside of me, completely outside of me. I try to resist, to say no, but then it feels so good, so addictive, and so it goes on. And I can't stop it, I don't know how to stop it."
"You said last time it felt to you like it was something supernatural, maybe something connected to Brick House."
"It does, it so absolutely does, but you must find that totally batshit crazy, right?"
"I'm not here to judge you or judge your perceptions or beliefs, Liam."
Liam, who had been staring at the floor, sucked in the cute little belly he was so self-conscious about, and looked up at Carol with puppy dog eyes.
"Let me say this, Liam," she continued. "I am no expert on the supernatural and that sort of thing, and have no firm or strong beliefs on it either way, if I'm honest, because it's simply not something I've encountered or delved into much. What I can say, as your counsellor, is I have talked to you over a number of sessions, and I feel you are basically, a very logical-thinking, rational person, who is self-questioning, and with a lot of self-insight. That's not to comment on whether this is something inside you, to do with emotions and psychology, or something outside you, something much harder to understand."
Liam nodded gratefully. I wish I could snog him, thought Carol.
"I feel we have explored the psychological side to this as much as we can, and I am not convinced I am really getting anything there," she continued. "That leaves....other aspects to this...aspects I am not sure I have the experience or knowledge to take on."
There was a pause.
"But I do know someone, someone very good, who I wonder might be able to help. He used to work as a counsellor, but not any more, he moved into IT. He is also something else, on the side, in his own time...he has psychic abilities, I believe, and I know he has investigated all manner of psychic phenomena, although he's not talked much to me about that because I'm a little bit squeamish about some of that stuff."
Carol handed Liam a card. "Sam Greenwood, Psychic Consultant", it read.
*
Liam did not know what to make of Sam Greenwood when he arrived at Brick House for the first time. A tall, shy, suited black dude in his early 40s, with deep brown eyes, oozing gentleness and compassion. Smolderingly hot as well, Liam thought, lasciviously catching a glimpse of his backside as he came in. That made it all the more difficult in some ways. How to confide to such a sexy guy about something so uncool and uncouth: his late night binges and the associated sexual arousal, feelings of guilt and sense of something unnatural gaining control of him.
"Carol, I understand with your permission, has acquainted me with the details of what has been going on," said Sam in his quiet, sweet-tempered voice.
Ah yes, remembered Liam, I told her she could tell him about me. That saves me the embarrassment of explaining it all myself, then.
"If you do not mind," Sam continued, "I would like to take a short wander around your place by myself, just to pick up on the vibrations. Would you be comfortable with that."
Liam rapidly assented, and let Sam stroll around. This is so utterly wild, Liam thought. What would anyone else think if I told them everything that's going on in my life right now?
"It is as I thought that moment I first came in," Sam reported, coming back into the living room. Two presences. A thin man and a fat man. They cannot experience the pleasures of eating or drinking or sexual pleasures in the way you or I can, but they can experience them indirectly, vicariously as it were, through manipulating and drawing on your energies."
"Wow," said Liam.
"My intuition is telling me to search the loft, particularly the chimney area, above where your fireplace is. Could we go up there?"
"Sure, we can try," said Liam. Actually he had never been up there before.
Opening the loft hatch took quite some effort on Liam's part, and Sam could not help admiring his body as he struggled with it, arms flexing, brow sweating a little, the cutest rounding baby belly jutting out of his top. He longed to run his fingers along it and make some comment, but restrained himself. This is too serious for that, he thought.
Liam ascended the drop-down ladder into the loft, and Sam followed after him. In moments, even before Liam had managed to locate and flick on the lightswitch, Sam seemed to have found what he wanted. A box, right next to the outline in the wall of where the chimney stood. And in that, right at the top, a black and white photo.
"This is it," Sam announced. "This is what I was getting. This is them."
Liam looked at the photo. "They're both slim," he said.
"I know," agreed Liam, "but I just know it, this is them. Maybe the bigger man was slim at the time of the photo, but gained weight later in life. Or maybe he was slim all through his life, but at some level wanted to be a bigger man, and this is why he is appearing to me that way."
*
Liam pondered what to make of Sam's visit. The man was deep, unlike anyone he had ever met before, make no mistake. And so, so, so goddamned sexy as well, he thought, although that in itself is not relevant here. Sam had been so meek, so quiet, and yet also so incredibly, sexily, self-assured about the task he was undertaking. The moment he came in the place, he said, he knew it was two men, one thin, one fat. Then he got hold of that photo, and knew exactly where to find it. The photo had not matched, it was two slim men. But Sam was not bothered by that, that's them, he'd insisted, so strongly. What to make of this? All so surreal. Was Sam a bluffer, a fake, or could this be the real thing?
Liam spotted Sandra in the neighbouring garden, clasped the black and white photo in his hand and rushed to greet her.
Sandra did not live nextdoor, but it was almost as though she did, she was there so much, as the carer and closest friend of the long-term 92 year old resident there, Denise. Liam had never seen much of Denise, but saw Sandra, a 71 year old lady herself, all the time, and considering the differences in age and background between them, they had struck up an unusually friendly, bantering relationship. Sandra was always fun. And she loved gossip. She knew everything.
"Sandra," said Liam, leaning over the garden fence with the photo, "guess what I found in the loft, I don't suppose you recognise these folks do you?"
Sandra, never one to pass up an opportunity like this, studied the old photo carefully. "Well, well, well!" she said. "I cannot say I recognise them myself, but Denise always talked about two men who used to live in your place. 'The gentlemen', she always used to call them, I wonder if that means they were gay, but I couldn't say for sure. She mentioned they were unusual. I could show this to her and ask her if you like, wouldn't that be interesting?"
Liam agreed to this proposal, eager to learn what would come of it. To his frustration, though, Sandra did not come back to him that evening. Denise had been too sleepy to be troubled, apparently. But the next evening, Sandra rushed to Liam's door, rapping on the door, all excited.
"I was right, I was right, it's them," she said. "Denise told me about them just now. Mr Galbraith and Mr Starr. 'The gentlemen', she calls them, 'always very private', she said. Into 'lots of funny stuff', she said, I think she meant the occult, but she wouldn't say more; I don't think she wanted to speak about it, and maybe she didn't know much about any of that anyway. They lived in your house from the early 1970s, she says, until just some years back. Then she says they 'just disappeared', and she's not heard of them or from them since."
"Were they both always slim, like they were in the photo I showed you?"
"What an odd question," said Sandra, but before she could ponder its oddness further, she dashed back indoors, then returned a few minutes later.
"Yes, Denise says they were both always slim. But here is the interesting thing, she says there were always fat men visiting them. Young fat men, she says."
Liam thanked Denise for her help, exchanged a few more pleasantries, then headed back inside to consider things further. I must get back to Sam, he thought.
*
"I've been running this again and again through my mind, just like you," Sam told Liam down the phone. "I am so sorry for you, Liam, it's the very last thing you deserve or need, and I know this is putting so much stress on you."
"I really, really appreciate you so much for being here for me," said Liam, "it means so much."
Sam felt his heart melting, but knew he had to stay professional. "What I am going to suggest," he said, "is we do a ritual, to ask these spirits, or entities, or energies or whatever they might be, to depart in peace, to stop bothering you. Is that something you would be comfortable with?"
Liam readily agreed, and within thirty minutes, Liam and Sam were sat together cross-legged in the living room, surrounded by a circle of candles, Sam deep in meditation, intoning commands to whatever it was to leave and to seek healing.
Sam put his arm around Liam's shoulder at the conclusion. "Let's hope this does the trick," he said, "but if there's anything else, you have my number."
*
As the evening grew later, Liam steeled himself again, as he had for so many nights now, to face the phenomena he knew was waiting for him. Or was it? Sam's ritual must have worked, he thought. This isn't going to happen this time. Think positive. Read a book, watch a film, anything. Act like normal.
Yet it all started again, about 9.30pm, with this uneasy sensation there was something else in his space, and then this overwhelming hunger and horniness, combined together - "horngriness" he sometimes called it.
No, thought Liam, I must resist, I must be strong.
But it was too much, and soon he was gorging himself with cakes, biscuits, slices of bread, chocolates, anything he could find to hand, ravenously shovelling it all into his mouth. His cock was getting warmer, juicier, harder, spasming back and forth without him even touching it, as a plethora of erotic thoughts coasted into his mind. Oh no...oh no...oh no...how could this be? Sam, oh Sam, how can I be thinking of you in this way? This so embarrassing, and so wrong, but so fucking sexy, and oh fuck oh so fucking right! Oh Sam! Oh Sam!
Before Liam knew it, his balls were tingling and tightening and his dick was erupting cum like a fire hose, splashing onto his heaving belly, then shooting as far as his tits, then splattering onto his forehead, and then even onto the bedhead behind him. Fuck. He never used to cum anything like this before. Not since the beginning of...all of this.
*
"It happened again," Liam told Sam on the phone the next evening. "Don't worry, bud, I've got you," said Sam, and drove round as soon as he could.
Liam told Sam all of the details once he arrived, although leaving out the discomfiting bits about his fantasies for Sam. Sam listened carefully, sympathetically, but when he came to speak, the tone in his voice was firm:
"We will do the ritual again, but this time, and this is deadly important, you must say the words yourself, with me, not just me saying them like last time. We must not only say the words, we must think them, and mean them, absolutely bloody mean them, every word. I don't know how else to say this, Liam, and I know it must sound judgemental or harsh maybe, but when you ask this thing to go away, you must mean it with every ounce of your soul. If there is any part of you, even if it's subconscious, which wants this to continue, you have to reject that, reject it 100 percent. Do you get what I'm saying? When we do the ritual this time, we have to be absolutely telling it to leave, and not even one thousandth of a percent inviting it to say."
Liam considered Sam's words seriously, awkwardly. "I do want and need this to go," he said. "I suppose there could be parts of me which are attached to it, though, I guess. As I told you before, there is this intense sexual excitement element, which I don't understand. Plus it's part of my routine, my habits now. Every evening, about 9.30pm, this starts, y'know...?"
Sam gazed deep into Liam's eyes, put his hands on his shoulders and praised him for having the courage to talk about the challenges, but still warned him in no uncertain terms that unless he could get himself to a place mentally where he could unambiguously and without hesitation ask the presence to go, it would not go.
"You've got this, Liam, you've got this," he encouraged.
"I can do it, let's do it," Liam confirmed, gesturing towards the candles.
Liam lit the candles surrounding them, and began the ritual, this time with both him and Liam intoning the words. When it was finished, the atmosphere in the room somehow felt different, clearer, fresher.
"Thank God, I think we've done it!" exclaimed Liam
"We did, we did it, dude!" congratulated Sam, and they both laughed and started to relax. Liam went to the fridge and came back with some beers, and they started to chat, about themselves, about all sorts of stuff. It was the first proper conversation they had had which had nothing to do with the strange goings-on. Their inhibitions slipped, they talked about previous partners and dates, they talked about the latest television shows and films, and which celebrities they fancied. They felt more and more drawn to each other, flirting with each other with little smiles and taps on the arm or legs or knee.
Then something kicked in with Sam. I am meant to be here to support this guy, to help him with a problem, I can't get too close, I've got to stay focused, he thought. So he made his excuses and cut the evening short, to Liam's pained disappointment.
*
Less than 90 minutes later, Sam saw his mobile phone vibrating: it was Liam.
"Sam, I'm really, really sorry to do this and this is so embarrassing...but I don't know what to stay...that feeling, the presence...it's starting again."
Sam felt a rush of adrenaline, but kept his voice steady and calm. "It's okay, Liam, I've got you man, I'll be there soon as I can."
"We will do the ritual again," said Sam as he came in the door of Brick House, immediately rushing to the living room to start positioning the candles in a circle again, just like before. "You know I hate to be a bitch, but I've got to say this again: if there is any part of you that does not want this to stop, or is not sure you want this to stop, you've got to mentally chuck that out right now. We have got to have 1000% focus here. When we do the ritual, when we intone the words, we have to be thoroughly and unreservedly telling this thing to fuck right off, to fuck right out and then some, and leave you in peace. Are you getting me?"
"I know, I know," said Liam, then became emotional, tears streaming down his eyes. "I am so sorry, Sam, I'm so sorry, I'm trying but...it's not working!"
Sam embraced Liam, holding him tight, stroking his cheeks and wiping his tears with his fingers. "It's okay, Liam, it's okay. However long this takes, whatever we have to go through to sort it, I'm with you, every step of the way. Now look, do you want to talk through this? Could be better to do that before we start."
"Sam, I know this is so rotten of me and so stupid...I don't know how to say it."
"Hey, you can tell me anything, man," said Sam, clasping Liam's hands in his own.
"I think this thing is more of a hook, more addictive than I thought. The base pleasure of it, I mean, the food, the drink, the horniness - you would not fucking believe the orgasms."
"That's okay, that's okay..."
"And there is more than that."
"What?"
"It's you, Sam, I don't know how else to say it. There is a part of me that doesn't want this to end because I don't want you and me to end. I don't want to lose you, Sam. Now I know that's so unfair on you, so if you want to walk out that door..."
Sam held Liam firmly, tightly, and their faces pressed together, noses rubbing, lips touching. Then Sam stood back.
"Do you know, I owe you a confession," Sam said quietly. "I should have seen this earlier, but somehow I didn't, or I didn't want to, I don't know. But I've been exactly the same. I've been intoning this damned ritual, asking this thing to end, when all the time, in my heart, I'm not wanting it to end, because I'm not wanting my experience with you to be over. I've let you down, Liam. I'm sorry. You're deserving of better. If it hadn't been for me, I wonder if this might all have been over for you now."
They both began to cry, and hug, and for a while, kiss. Then Sam again turned to Liam with a serious face.
"This time we do the ritual, and we really mean it to go. We got it?"
"We got it," confirmed Liam, and Sam lit up all the candles, and they both intoned the mantra, asking, insisting, demanding the presence leave.
"I command these forces of gluttony and sexual stimulation and licentiousness to begone!" Sam whispered, at the conclusion of the ceremony, then turned to Liam.
"...but not yet," he finished, a look of frenzy in his face, and pulled Liam's top off, kissing his face passionately and uncontrollably, hands sprawling everywhere across Liam's body, devouring his luscious thicc build, fingers lingering on and plunging into the newly softened areas, his member pressing ever more vigorously against Liam's thigh, until before they knew it, they were rolling around ontop of and underneath each other, the lit candles surrounding them, totally forgetting the task they had come here to complete. The rest of the evening passed in a haze, and neither could remember all of it afterwards, except they had both stuffed themselves royally with everything they could find in the fridge and the cupboard, and they both orgasmed more times and more intensely than they had ever done before.
There was one detail, though, which Liam did remember vividly, and would never forget for the rest of his life. It was the moment before he lost consciousness and fell asleep. A glance at the bedroom mirror, the sight of Sam on top of him, ejaculating into him, and himself unleashing a cum fountain onto the sheets only moments later. Except the sight staring back at him was not himself and Sam, but two other men, two elderly men. The Mr Galbraith and Mr Starr from the old black and white photo. It was only a moment, a second or less, but he could swear it, he knew it.
When they awoke the next morning, there was not much time to discuss things as they both had work to go to, but Liam did raise the experience with the mirror, and saw Sam's alarmed expression when he told him.
"That mirror, it's a leverage, a power centre," Sam muttered agitatedly.
"What do you mean?" asked Liam.
Without even replying, Sam rushed to the mirror, took it off the wall and started running his hands along the back of it, peeling back parts of the cardboard backing.
"Hey, what're you doing?" demanded Liam.
"Here," said Sam, handing Liam the mirror.
Liam took the mirror from Sam and saw Sam was holding an old black and white photograph in his hand.
Mr Galbraith and Mr Starr, sat in the living room of Brick House, surrounded by a party of young chubby men.
"Don't be frightened, Liam," said Sam. "It's neutralised now, won't bother you again," he added, gesturing a sign of the cross over the photo. "Forget it now."
*
Over the next weeks, Liam and Sam drew closer and closer, until Sam had practically moved into Liam's place. Every evening, around 9.30pm, the same pattern would repeat itself, with them both becoming supremely hungry and horny, and they would stuff themselves and make out with each other all evening and all night, before collapsing in post-orgasmic stupor, waking in the morning with only vague reflections of the night before. They talked less and less about this as though it was a problem or in any way a supernatural occurrence. It was just something they tacitly accepted, as part of their lives, something they enjoyed, something they did in the evenings, like others watch Netflix or play cards.
Then one day something happened that shook Liam up and reawakened the fears he was having previously. He spotted a really good looking guy visiting nextdoor, and could not help but be nosey and ask Sandra who it was.
"Oh, that's Julian," she said. "He used to live in your place, before you arrived. Now let me tell you the strangest thing. When he arrived, he was really slim, just like he is now. While he was here, he got really big, you know."
"Big?" asked Liam.
"Just like you and your fellow," she replied, and Liam simulated a laugh, although he was feeling freaked. They often joked about each other's weight. So she means fat, thought Liam.
"And now he's returned to visit Denise, because they were friendly - there is some family connection between them although I can't remember what it is now."
"Is Julian still around?" asked Liam.
"No, only a brief visit, he's gone off to the other end of the country now," said Sandra. "But don't let that stop you chasing him, if you want me to get his number," she joked, and they both giggled again.
When Liam spoke to Sam later that day, he told him about Julian, and how Julian had apparently piled on weight whilst living at Brick House, then lost it after leaving.
"It's making me think about everything again," said Liam, "how weird it is, I have this feeling something's not right here."
"But think about it, Liam," protested Sam. "All that's happened is a guy we don't even know gained weight, then lost weight. I mean, that sort of thing happens all the time. You're safe with me, completely safe, nothing can hurt you, nothing has hurt or harmed you, after all. Nothing. You know that, right? Any problem here is just in our heads."
The conversation went back and forth, culminating in them both agreeing they would consult a friend of Sam's called Denzel, who Sam said was "very experienced, more experienced than me in all this sort of stuff."
*
Denzel came round to visit, a charming, precise, well-educated, well-spoken man with a clipped voice, carrying a briefcase and wearing a suit. Liam noticed how he and Sam seemed immediately comfortable with each other and to know each other well. Sam would later tell him about how they had both worked at an office together, and been the joint victim of a troublemaking colleague who resented black guys succeeding more than he did.
"Now this is how I see it," said Denzel after Liam and Sam had told him everything. "This is whatever you want it to be. If you are two guys being terrorised by spirits, it's that. If you are two guys in love, enjoying a harmless little private fetish, it's that. Choose."
"But how can we?" protested Liam. "I mean, if it's spirits, if it's the dark side, how can we change that?"
"By not fretting about it, by not fretting about it," replied Denzel. "I don't know that any of this is supernatural. But what I am telling you is that if it is, it is being caused by the angst, the conflict, the guilt-tripping you are putting on yourself. There aint no ghosts here, I can tell you that for absolute certain. If there was, I would sense it, see it. What there might be here is energies, phenomena coming out of your own pain, your own inner conflict. Now that I see all the time, not uncommon. I guarantee you though you aint got no ghosts, no human souls here."
"Thank you," said Sam. "You've given us a lot to think about."
"God bless you my friends," said Denzel, adding "And I must say you boys are looking mighty healthy", as he gently poked each of their bellies and smiled.
After Denzel left, Liam and Sam discussed things further.
"I have faith in Denzel," said Sam. "Yeah he's an odd guy, but when it comes to the other side, he's the best in the business. If he says there are no ghosts or spirits here, I believe him. He says if there is anything going on, it's only coming from our anxiety, so if we cut out the anxiety, it's gone."
"When you say 'our anxiety', you mean my anxiety, right? So it's all my fault?"
"No, no, no Liam," said Sam, holding his face close to his, "none of this is your fault at all, it's just one of those things, and I can tell you for a fact Denzel is right, this stuff is far more common than most people would think, normal practically."
They talked on and on, and Liam's sense of unease began to dissipate. Why fret and worry when we can just live our lives and have fun? he thought. Besides, life has never been more awesome, what with having Sam here, and the delights of late night snacks, and the unbelievably incredible breathless multiorgasmic sex every night.
*
The next months were more blissful than any Liam and Sam had experienced before. Their waistlines blew up, their tits ballooned, their asses and thighs swelled, and many of their gay friends looked askance about them, but they didn't care - well they more than didn't care, they loved it, they gloried in it, every little achievement, every little delicious humiliation. There came a day, though, when their anxieties, and especially Liam's, would come to the surface again.
Liam had left his key at home and locked himself out, leaving him to wait another hour until Sam's arrival. So he went over nextdoor, to pass the time. This was one of the rarer occasions when he got to meet Denise, the elderly lady resident, for himself, although Sandra was also there, bubbly as ever and chatting away.
For most of the visit, Denise remained silent, nodding away in the chair, but listening appreciatively and smiling or giving occasional glances of acknowledgement. Then, out of nowhere, she sat up straight in her chair, and began to talk:
"Mr Galbraith and Mr Starr came to visit me yesterday afternoon. It was so lovely and they were so funny."
"Don't be daft, Denise," waded in Sandra. "I was here all afternoon yesterday; they can't have been here at all."
"Oh, they did, they did, while you were in the kitchen, dear," continued Denise.
Sandra gave Liam a look, signalling her scepticism about what Denise was saying.
"They are both in a care home now, living together. Very limited mobility now, poor dears. They were telling me how they get to float around all night and all day, go to all sorts of places, to places they know, to places they don't know, all over the world. All these interesting people they are getting to see, to meet..."
And then, Denise seemed to be somewhere else, her eyes closing.
"Poor dear," Sandra whispered to Liam. "I think it's those tablets."
When Liam got to see Sam later that evening, he told him about what Denise had said.
"I suppose there are possibilities here," reflected Sam. "Could it be that these two elderly men, bored and maybe confused in their care home, are astral travelling around, causing weird stuff to happen, seeking out chaps to make plump? I don't know. I will think about it more and have a chat with Denzel."
"Don't you find it scary, Sam? What if these are fat fetishists, feeders or whatever we call them, doing stuff to guys to make them like this," he said, running his hands along his lover's now ample paunch.
"Do we really care?" asked Sam, and they both looked at each other, and started laughing.
"It's like what I said to you at the beginning, and what Denzel also explained to us. We have a choice here. If this is supernatural, and we want it to stop, all we gotta do is ask it to stop, properly ask it to stop, and it will stop. If it's doing no harm, if it's not bothering us, no need to worry."
*
About a week later, Sandra knocked on the door. "Denise is going on about the gentlemen again," she told Liam. "I said I'd ask if you could show her the photo again, as she'd really like to see it once more. Is that okay?"
"No problem," said Liam. "In actual fact, we found one other photo, so there are two photos with them in now," Liam added, remembering the photo Sam found behind the bedroom mirror. "Do you know what, tell Denise she can have them if she likes. She knew those people after all, and I expect they meant more to her than anything they do to us."
"Oh, that's so, so lovely of you, dear!" said Sandra. Liam retrieved and handed over the photos, with a sense of relief, hoping never to see them again.
Later that evening, Denise awoke from her nap, and Sandra pressed the two black and white photos into her lap.
"That's them, that's them, it's like yesterday!" said Denise, looking at the first photo, of Mr Galbraith and Mr Starr together.
"Yes, that's what you said when you saw that the first time," said Sandra.
"And this is them again, with their big young men," she said, turning to the second photo and chortling softly.
"Do you recognise any of them?"
"Yes, yes," said Denise. "That nice Liam and Sam from nextdoor, they're in here."
She's confused again, thought Sandra. That photo must be from the 1970s, before Liam and Sam were even born.
"They all look so happy together," said Denise.
"Yes, I'm sure they do."
"Those four all together, so nice, don't you think?"
"Yes, very lovely," said Sandra.
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ASGJG:ALSJG: YOUR TAGS LEM!!! 🥺🥰 YES THEY HAVE SIX KIDS it's way too much but Ian has always wanted a big family. One of the boys thinks he might be gay too, which is why Mickey thinks they're the perfect fit for them, he just wants to give them a safe home, like he never had 🥺 on top of that, the boys instantly started grilling them about what kind of home they'd get and he loved that about them, while Ian just thought, what a bunch of brats, I wanted a baby! He thinks a baby means bonding from the start; it's weird to suddenly have a house full of young people with already formed opinions and ideas. But he gets used to it and ends up loving them anyway. Then later on they just get more and more kids, including a baby 🥺 they get to have it all and be a happy little family! 🥺
I love that they have six kids, I can see that for them!!
NOT MICKEY WANTING TO GIVE THEM A SAFE HOME LIKE HE NEVER HAD 😭😭😭😭
OMG that sounds like shit Mickey would do, and it reminds me of Carl when they were in foster care for a bit when he and Liam were with the gay couple.
I can TOTALLY see Ian being pissy about that, and wanting a new life to help mold into a small person and then into an adult, who would have thought kids with already formed opinions and ideas would cause such mayhem? He shouldn't have to debate with this eight year old about why he should clean his room. "It is clean it just isn't clean to YOUR standards, why should I do that when it's MY room and where I spend MY time? It's my safe place right? It should be how I want it!"
Mickey nodding, "He's got a point Red, let him keep his room how he wants it. It's not like we're having family pictures in there or having people gather there for Thanksgiving."
"Mickey his room needs cleaned that's one of his chores!"
"Ian, as long as there's a clear path from the bedroom door to the bed in case of a fire I really don't see what the big deal is."
Ian gets all huffy thinking Mickey is picking the kid over him so the kid would like him more.
"Ian, this isn't about picking sides, it's about compromising between you two. When he gets sick of clothes being on the floor he can do with them what he wants. Now he should have to bring dirty dishes out of there, and make sure he isn't giving any critters a nice place to hide, but other than that? Who cares? Our home is his safe space, but his room is his sanctuary away from everyone else when he needs his privacy, when he needs to calm down."
Ian takes a deep breath and sighs but he does understand what Mickey is saying and then gathers the humility to apologize to the kid, maybe open up to him about how he hated his room being messy as a kid because there was three of them shoved in one place together and he doesn't want the kid to feel that way.
Or how one kid absolutely won't eat tomatoes, grapes, strawberries, basically any fruit.
"You're not leaving the table until you eat that, and if you do? when you come back you're going to have the same fruit to look at."
"Ian why are you so hung up on fucking grapes, bananas, and strawberries?"
"Fruit is important! It's part of a balanced diet and kids need two cups a day! It isn't like I'm asking for him to eat an entire watermelon!"
"I would eat a fucking watermelon, maybe not a whole one at once, but I can eat that."
Mickey and Ian both look at the kid in surprise, "You like watermelon?" Ian asks.
"Yeah, sometimes, it doesn't bother me like grapes and strawberries and bananas do. I can eat apples too, but the red ones, not the green ones."
"Why can you not eat grapes and bananas and strawberries?" Mickey asked gently.
"The texture bothers me, strawberries are inside out and the seeds are gritty, bananas are too mushy and are like someone's already chewed them up, grapes and tomatoes for that matter are too icky tasting, and they have a skin that I don't like, it gets stuck in my throat."
Mickey takes a moment to breathe in all the kid said, "Ian did you ask him if he liked it before giving it to him?"
Ian gets defensive, "I shouldn't have to, do you think anyone gave a shit about what we ate as kids? I know we both would have been lucky to get a half eaten peach. I don't want our kids being stunted because of the food they eat and fruit is important!"
The kid looks at Ian in surprise, and Mickey does too, but for different reasons.
"Ian, maybe this time we can skip the fruit, and next time we're at the store we can get ones he likes so he'll eat them? That way he's getting fruit that he'll eat and we're making sure he's having a nutritious intake."
"I'm your kid? You mean you really want me?"
Ian and Mickey both lose their shit and come hug the kid tight, then they hug each of the other kids.
Sorry went on a little bender there but I can totally see both things happening.
I would love to read any and every future gallavich parent fic you have!!!
#They just want the kids to have it better than they did#they mean well#they love the little humans#they've got to have at least one girl though#at least i think so in my gallaparents writings they usually have a daughter#ahhhhh
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