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cebwrites · 4 months

Note

Hello !! Love the way you write the heart pirates 🫶 if it’s okay to request, would you be able to do head-cannons on the silly hearts with a reader who tends to fall asleep anywhere and everywhere around the polar tang?

They don’t do it on purpose- honest! But they don’t realize how tired they are and fall asleep on instant contact with anything comfy :’) ((inspired by my own tendencies to crash on the couch or floor with a simple pillow or soft blanket, the occasional chair if the sitting position complies))

No need to write if it’s a little silly!! You can take it any direction you want, have the bestest of days and keep on writing your awesome work, take care!!

a/n: eepy gang rise up!! i have a habit of getting very sleepy after eating too of course it's okay, this is just about what i need rn actually _〆(´Д｀ )

for anyone new here, here's the hearts name guide <- i use for them!

Heart Pirates with tired Reader

masc reader, they/them law word count: 1.4k

At first, it's just after a hearty dinner that your peers catch you on the verge of falling asleep—Bas, Laeno, and Dorie pride themselves on making such good knock-out food—but slowly they notice how you're seemingly able to pass out anywhere and everywhere you can find a comfortable enough position to curl into

Provided it's not during an important briefing or otherwise Heart-related meeting, since nodding off during those tends to make your captain quite upset and you've crossed them on the singular instance of doing exactly that before, the crew knows to leave you well enough alone

You pride yourself on never falling asleep on duty, at least

On occasion, someone will wake you for additional work at Law's behest if you've already finished or call you down for supper or Penguin and Shachi have the mischievous inkling to do something prank-related; either they're dragged away by someone more responsible or get chewed out by Law for putting you in ridiculous poses to take pics of while you were asleep, upset about something along the lines of potential injuries

The more you get to know your crew and the stronger your bonds become over the years, the more you start to lean on other Heart pirates for your impromptu naps instead of just cozy inanimate objects; none of them have ever beaten the sheer comfitude of the weighted blanket in your quarters, though

Bepo is the easiest suspect being as big and soft as he is, and the friendliest too, Ikkaku is more than happy to lend a shoulder as the resident "big sister" (although she's younger than half the other members), and hell even Pen and Shach were comfy enough pillows once you got them to swear not to pull any funny business while you slept - lest you made balloon animals out of them

The others all warm up to you on their own time, depending on whether you've been there from more or less the start or you're a relatively new member to the crew

Ani is reluctant for physical contact, it takes you getting to know them a little more before she's willing to shake you awake or spend a while sitting next to you taking a nap in comfortable silence, gay uncles Bas and Laeno with the addition of Fang have dubbed themselves the unofficial official "carries you to bed" squad

The other gay uncles (Marl and Gul) are content to leave you where you are whenever you drift off but always bring a blanket when it looks like you're getting cold or you don't seem like waking up any time soon - Dorie and Hoki try taking you to bed but Dorie's always too loud and ends up waking you before then and Hoki, well, Hoki can't quite seem to pick you up as a taller, heavier man

By god he's trying his best, though that also has the unfortunate consequence of waking you up; you once overhead Hoki training with Fang with the express purpose of getting strong enough to carry you to bed like "everyone else" and you genuinely didn't know whether to be flattered or mortified

Uni's content enough to let you lay your head on their shoulder (arm, because frankly he's huge) for a short while, though eventually he gets antsy and needs to move but since you're there he can't, but also Uni needs to move while not waking you up, like a cat asleep on its owner's lap trapping them for all eternity; other crew members have found him in this predicament every so often and find it hilarious/a perfect photo-op while he can't avoid the camera's embarrassing lens

Some of these pictures have both of you napping together (he accepted his fate and fell asleep sitting up, their back makes them regret it later)

You're awkward around Jean Bart at first, as you were with everyone else in the beginning, though you did puff out your chest a little at the thought of being someone's senior much like Bepo, and slowly as you took the initiative to spend more time around him, you'd find yourself falling asleep with his knee as you pillow every now and again, sometimes even with his very large hand over your back as a blanket; Jean Bart too would fall victim to the pictures taken while he was at the mercy of your slumbering form, unable to flee

Clione and Hake, as much as you adore them as friends, have the unintended affect of activating your sleepiness once they go on another one of their longwinded rambles about a topic of special interest; you've apologized time again that it's not because they're boring you, not at all! Their voices are just so easy to listen to, hearing them talk at length about things important to them, it's a comfortable backdrop to doze off to

Hake laughs this off with light teasing, flattered that their voice is as soothing as you claim it to be, Clione has to be coaxed with a bit more than that, but usually gives in after you agree to buying him a treat of his choosing at the next island they drop anchor at

The captain themself—you aren't quite sure how to act around them, you were sure that they'd been upset by the first and only time you fell asleep during that crew meeting, making it a point to never do that again in the hopes of avoiding Law's ire, and although it didn't seem like they'd been that upset with you again, being around them still set the hairs on the back of your neck on edge; like you were being watched

To your defense, you were, but not necessarily in the way in the way that you would've assumed

It took nearly a year of being in proximity with and hardship with each other for Law to finally ease up being around you and another year for them to fully let you in - you realize in that time that the staring is just something Law does with everyone, their crew, strangers on the street, marines they're supposed to be on watch for, it was just something your captain tended to do

Plus, observation wasn't the only reason for their keen eye on you, at some point, Law had developed these—day they say, absurd—feelings, for you, and were at a loss for what to do; so, without consulting anyone else like the massive dweeb they were, decided that intense soul-burning eye contact was the way to go instead of just talking to you and getting a boyfriend that way

Some days it was an attempt to get you to make a move before they did, other days it was trying to blow you up with their mind for daring to make them feel this way, and on the days you felt like you were ignored by your captain even more than before? Those were the one where Law doubted their feelings the most, wishing to hide them away and feeling if you looked too closely, you'd catch onto their "true" intentions and they would simply dissolve under your gaze

A bit unfair, but when has Law ever been anything but?

Now, comfortable with the relationship you've built with one another, Law calls you into their office often to sleep on the couch there, or take a nap on their bed while they worked tirelessly still at the desk in their room; whenever they needed a break or you'd call them over, they could simply recharge in the comfort of your arms and you'd get a warm body to slumber against

It does seem, however, that once the both of you got together Law started being a bit more scrutinous about your random cuddles with other crew members whenever you fell asleep per usual, almost pouting when you gave your attention, albeit unconscious but still physical, away to other people

You tease them about it once other Hearts inform you about this very interesting behavior and turn scowls into kisses with light laughter

The only person seemingly exempt from this "cuddle = angy Law" rule is Bepo, but that's only because he's the baby and Law is unwilling to give up their cuddles on their precious bear either, so the both of you will sometimes just nap on him together, sometimes to Bepo's chagrin when he needs to move just like Uni

Bepo obviously clears, but at least now it looks like there's finally someone to challenge your weighted blanket <3

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kithtaehyung · 9 months

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ryen is this canon 3tan yoongi talent?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cvrshx3smOq/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

now i need a hundred plushies from him 😭 he's not going anywhere 😭

“What the fuck?”

He’s laughing. You just witnessed him effortlessly grab a third plushie from a clearly rigged claw machine and he’s laughing!

“No, seriously, this is some wizard shit,” you accuse, unblinking as he bends to grab his prize before wiggling it in triumph. “How are you so good at this?”

“I’m good at everything.”

Your scoff mixes with his mirth as you spin on your heel, arms now chock full of stuffed cats and one cute little frog.

But despite not wanting to further inflate the hot air balloon that’s his ego, you’re so in awe that you can’t help but comment,

“I’ve never seen someone do that before.”

“Yeah?” Beside you, Yoongi fetches something in his pocket. “Not even your brother? I think he got something from that one once.”

“Really?”

“Oh, wait. No, that was me again.”

And the gloater of the century secures his spot.

“I’m so tired of you.”

“Wait, wait,” he huffs out. “Look real quick.”

“Huh?”

As you turn his way, you only get a split second to recognize the phone in his long fingers.

Aimed right at you.

Did he just—

Your reaction should be words, like telling him to stop, or reminding him that he shouldn’t be doing anything much less taking a picture.

But what comes out instead is a blubbering, fumbling mess, and you lunge for the phone right before he backs up, grin stretching his face in the most devilish way.

“Yoongi—!”

“Hmm?”

“What are you—”

“So cute.”

He’s still holding the phone oh god it’s a video?

“Are you recording?”

His burst of laughter gives him away, and the butterfly wings tickling your stomach make you join him, even though you’re hyper hyper hyperaware of your surroundings now.

You don’t even know where the two of you stumble to, but you’re determined to not let him get away, bright colors and lights filling the night on all sides.

Finally, you clutch his hand as you squeeze all the plushies under an arm. “Give it!”

“No!”

“Yes!” You plead through a smile as you yank it from his hand.

But when you look at the screen, you discover that the video wasn’t even being recorded. Because the red button is still sitting there untouched.

…Why are you a tad disappointed?

Yoongi’s voice comes out soft,

“I know we can’t, doll.”

And he sounds a tad disappointed, too.

Still staring at the phone, you make a decision. A quick one. A small one.

But one you make purely for him.

Switching to Photo Mode, you raise the phone up high, scrunching your face against the mini bunch of stuffed animals before capturing this moment.

And it’s not until you hand his device back to him that you realize.

Holy shit.

You really just took a selfie with Yoongi’s phone.

“Keep it,” you whisper. “Or don’t, whatever.”

He’s just staring at you, device almost limp in his hand as he stands there.

“You.. You okay?”

“Come here.”

You’re pulled in before you can question further, a chaste but full kiss planted on your lips before you’re left to your own two feet again.

“Let’s go find them,” he leads, voice low. “I think they’re almost done with the ride.”

“K,” you oblige, shyly following his sure strides and straightened back.

Smiling against a fluffy stuffed cat when you see that he’s still looking at his phone.

—

3tanslices: mini-scenarios!

series: three tangerines

#THIS SCENARIO WAS TOO CUTE #i had to do it!!!#anon #asks:3tan #3tanslices #3tanextras #3fan:yoongi #*ryenfictalk #mailbox💌#bts imagines #bts reactions #yoongi fluff #long post #yoongi fic #three tangerines

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hotdogdynamitezzz · 1 year

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Your Fashion and Style Guide

Pt.1

Part 2 (Libra - Pisces) Here

Use your Rising & Venus sign!

Aries:

Prioritizes comfort but doesn't compromise for their fashion style

Absolutely rocks streetwear & athleisure

Prefers sporty fits the most!

Looks best in red & black clothing

Their style always has some sort of edge to it

Big on grunge and vintage rockband t shirts

They love combat boots and they generally prefer flame or camo print clothes

This sounds odd but they kinda remind me of a racecar aesthetic?

Very Sharp with their fashion choices

They look great in leather jackets

A bold colour paired with a neutral for a high contrast look suit them best

They love the rockstar or baddie aesthetic

Looks ~

Taurus:

They have three modes, classy bitches, edgy e-girls & bohemian botanical.

But generally, I see classy and soft the most

Green, Brown, Beige, White, Black, Pink & Red for sensuality.

They love wearing neutrals but they often mix it up with some colour now and again

They usually have some sort of special necklace

A fan of pearls because it's classic

But diamonds are their best friends too ofc

Fuzzy & Fluffy cardigans or sweaters have their heart, especially the white and brown colours

They are into floral and flannel patterns

Their favorite colour options are brown & pink or white & pink 🕊💕

They usually dress more modest but make it look high fashion

They usually like to incorporate silk or a corset into their outfit, being ruled by venus makes them into a sensual and seductive look

Generally they favour comfortable fabrics and silk

Looks ~

Gemini:

I noticed they don't really like dark colours and generally prefer brighter neutrals or colours

They like off-the-shoulder, cold shoulder, cutout tops & cool designs on their shirts whether its long sleeve or not

They choose tops based on the arm style such as balloon sleeves or cutouts

Asymmetrical styles suit them best

Colors are white, bright pinks, and green.

Earrings & Bracelets are their favorite accessories

They like a fairy aesthetic, something that feels whimsical

Likes to switch between feminine and masculine clothing frequently

Very experimental with their clothes

Looks ~

Cancer:

Either soft and girly or moody and dark!

They prefer to keep it modest unless showing off their chest

Their choice of jewelry are pearl necklaces

The shoes they tend to favour are chunky block heels & sandals

Prefers blue, pink & white or black

Soft and flowy clothes like cardigans or kimonos

Knee high socks + sweater dresses look great

They love sweetheart necklines

Into crop tops! Usually silk crops

They like to pair tight clothes with a flowy jacket! Especially if it has a pop of colour

Overall style changes depending on how they're feeling that day

Looks ~

Leo:

Everytime I looked up a Leo rising celebrity that were ALWAYS wearing sunglasses

A fan of sunhats too!

Anything bright & metallic suit them perfectly

They look lavish in silky and shiny materials

They tend to wear fur coats

They like long and sturdy coats in general!

Usually they own big statement jewelry

Everything looks shiny tbh especially their hair.

Sparkly clothes & sequins are their weakness

They could rock sundresses

They look great in animal print, specifically cheetah or leopard.

Bold fashion is their go-to

Even if they wear neutral colours they make sure the texture stands out

Jumpsuits were really popular among them! I think they like to look playful but glamorous at the same time

They will not leave the house unless they look ready for a fashion show lol

Their motive is to standout and turn heads.

Looks ~

Virgo:

Less is more for them

They like simple t-shirts with cute mottos like "be kind" or some shit that HAS to be written in small font or they won't wear it LOL

A Preppy Style & Sweater Vests are their thing

So is gingham print

They rock high-fashion looks

Fake glasses are a cute trend they look good in

A big fan of trench coats and cardigans

They prefer a business casual look

They prefer earthy tones & greens.

They are all about the simplicity in versatility! For instance they usually like black jeans and a white top but the top can be a tube top or a halter top based on what they want that day

They LOVE BLAZERS

Very picky about fashion, I find super bright colors often turn them away

Quality > Quantity for them

A lot of them look great in crop tops, or waist accentuating clothing like kim k is known for

Watches are usually a staple item they prefer

Looks ~

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aroacewxs · 6 months

Text

rui facts that are common knowledge atp but i just feel like repeating

hates vegetables because of their texture, and dislikes anything that has similar texture to certain vegetables. example: he hates watermelon because apparently to him the texture is just like a cucumber's? he's not very fond of many fruits either, albeit he dislikes them less than vegetables

only eats at places he's a regular at and becomes distressed when the menu changes. he picks off all vegetables from his food and sometimes emu helps him and eats anything he doesn't like

preferred rivers and lakes over pools as a kid. he would search for shiny rocks and the like in these rivers and lakes and show nene his discoveries

he owned many encyclopedias as a kid. one of them being one about poisonous plants. it had a bright red cover that scared nene LMAO but he read it over and over so now he can recognize which plants are poisonous or not

favourite animal is the platypus because he finds the fact that they are egg-laying mammals interesting

owns three monitors. has a tablet (owned this tablet since he was a kid) and a phone

horrible at packing! he's always thinking about worst case scenarios and possible hypotheticals that could occur during his travels, causing him to overpack and not use half of the things he brings. he mentions that this was the case when he went to america with wxs, and he struggled with the same problem when he was trying to pack for his kyoto trip in pandemonium

his favourite show he performed with wxs was the little mermaid. the show that made him feel the most nervous was a pianist named torpe, and the show that left the strongest impression on him was the one tsukasa performed with the others to convince him to join wxs again

dislikes cleaning because he finds it pointless when his room just becomes cluttered again sooner or later

worst sleep schedule known to man. has been scolded by wxs for coming to rehearsal with horrible eye bags

he people watches a lot. very observant of his environment and uses anything that catches his attention as inspiration for shows and other stories. this can be seen in island panic, where he makes up an entire possible conversation between three monkeys he was observing and in the area convo where he views students fighting to buy bread at the tuck shop as a metaphor for human nature and survival

his role model and inspiration is a director named tom gray! he watched interviews of him and read his books over and over

enjoyer of sci-fi

eats his taiyaki by first splitting it in half to avoid burning his mouth with the hot bean paste. interestingly enough, it is said in japan that the first bite you take in taiyaki determines your personality. rui breaks his taiyaki first before eating, making him a "person of action."

he deepened his interest for shows as a kid by imagining how he would adapt his favourite books into stage productions

there's a specific stool in his room that has remained since his childhood. also an orange box of toys(?) It seems

on the other hand, several aspects of his childhood room have changed: his lampshades are in the shapes of flowers now, his couch is patched up in blue, and he has multiple streamers and balloons. the balloons have little faces on them btw. he also installed a clock. the step ladder near his bookshelf is gone too from what i can see

ok that's all i can think of from the top of my head, hopefully none of these are incorrect,, i'll be very sad if something is wrong. if you know any fun rui facts that aren't listed above PLEASE enlighten me

#project sekai #rui #rui kamishiro #wxs rui #kamishiro rui #character facts

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janeyseymour · 5 months

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At Arm's Length pt 3

Another little addition to this story I've somehow managed to start. It would probably be best to read the first 2 parts, but it should be able to stand on its own.

Summary: You overhear a few things Melissa says to your coworkers. It leaves you less than pleased.

Part 1. Part 2

WC: ~4k

As you pull up to Melissa’s house, the same type of wine before in hand, you realize the

severity of the situation you’re in. You were going to have dinner with the redhead again- but this time not as a friendly dinner. No. This time... it was a date. Your first date in years.

Suddenly hyper aware of the fact that you are still dressed in your teaching outfit, your hair is in the rattiest bun, and you have no makeup on.

You take a few minutes to primp yourself in your car, thanking God you always keep an eyeliner and mascara in your purse for if you ever decide to go out on a whim. With one final fluffing to your hair and making sure you look presentable, you sigh and exit your car.

Dinner is perfect. She makes you the pasta she promised, you two share another bottle of wine, and then she asks if you’d like to stay for a little longer. Of course you accept the invitation. Your head is swirling, and you aren’t sure if you’re just the slightest bit tipsy or completely intoxicated with being in such close proximity to the woman across the table from you.

“So,” you sigh in content as you settle onto her couch, a glass of wine in hand. “Is this for real?”

“I think so, hon,” Melissa smiles at you as a hand rests on your knee. “If you want it to be.”

Your cheeks heat up again, and you don’t know if it’s from the wine or from her gentle touch. It’s much more gentle than you expected it to be, considering her brash and abrasive personality she usually likes to show. You smile shyly.

“R-really?” you ask hesitantly. “I mean... I- you hated me a week ago.”

“I told you,” the redhead fights the urge to roll her eyes. “I never hated you. I could never. I just had to pretend, so I wouldn’t act like a lovesick puppy around you.”

“But just last week, you were ragging on me for my bulletin boards, and you were laughing at the fact that I was trying to learn to juggle for the kids, and I- I haven't contributed anything to the school. I barely know what I’m doing... I actually don’t know what I’m doing in the slightest. I’m kind of a hot mess. Actually, I’m probably the hottest mess I know.”

Melissa frowns, and you know she’s over you. That didn’t take much convincing at all. She’s looking at you with concern, and her hand moves from its place. She’s clearly thinking. Deciding to cut her off, you make to stand.

“Hey, hey,” she says gently. “C’mon.”

“I know when I’m not welcome anymore,” you whisper as you go to grab your bag. Your heart almost breaks in your chest as you go to leave her warm house.

Her hand wraps around your wrist, and she pulls you back onto the couch. You just barely manage to not spill any wine. “Y/N, do you think I was being for real when I said all that stuff? It was all an act so I wouldn’t grab you and make a move on you at school.”

You shrug.

“I was jealous of your bulletin boards. And yeah, learning to juggle is ridiculous, but that just goes to show how dedicated you are to the kids. You learned to juggle in three days because one of them took up an interest in it. I’m sure you’ll learn more ridiculous skills as you-”

“I’m already learning how to make balloon animals for Jessie,” you admit quietly.

“-And you have contributed to the school.”

You roll your eyes. “Melissa,” you sigh. “It’s fine. You don’t have to-”

“I don’t have to do anything,” she cuts you off. “But you deserve to know how lucky Abbott is to have you, hon. You’ve made such a big difference with these kids already. I overheard some of your post-observation meeting with Ava, and she had nothing but good things to say- it even sounded like she was pretty locked into the lesson herself. And you go the extra mile for Zion- paying for his lunch everyday and making sure you’re stocked up on snacks for the kids who forget or can’t afford to bring their own.”

“I-” you bite the corner of your cheek. You really don’t know what to say. “I’m a hot mess everywhere else though.”

“I doubt it,” she says honestly, and she’s back to squeezing your knee gently. “C’mon, hon. You’re just hot, if anything.”

“More like a dumpster caught on fire,” you mumble, looking away from her.

“Hey now,” she clicks her tongue. Then she makes a joke. “I’ve smelled enough dumpster fires started by us Schemmentis to know, you are not a dumpster caught on fire.”

That just barely gets you to smile, and she squeezes your knee again.

“Now, I want this to be something,” she tells you seriously. “But do you?”

You nod, and you look at her. You see nothing but adoration in her eyes for you, and you notice how they sparkle in a way you’ve never seen someone’s eyes sparkle before.

“Words, hon,” she prompts.

“I- I want to see where this could go,” you whisper as you start to lean in. You feel her hand cup your cheek and, this time, Mr. Johnson isn’t there to stop what almost happened in the hallway a few hours ago.

It’s soft, it’s sweet, it’s short. It’s perfect.

---

That was almost two months ago. Since then, you and the fiery redheaded teacher have been seeing each other in secret. Nobody at work knows- not even Barb. It shocks you that your girlfriend hasn’t told her best friend- you thought that at least by now she would know.

You’re fairly certain Barbara is onto the two of you; actually, you know this. She could spot it from the first week you two had started seeing each other. But you nor Melissa had ever confirmed it for her. So for now, she just gives you two a knowing glance and a smile whenever she sees you together.

This morning was perfect. You had woken up in her arms, and the two of you got ready for work in a sleepy haze, but you were together. While she’s upstairs finishing getting ready, you head down the steps and into the kitchen.

Only recently had she let you even think about touching anything in her kitchen, but you were going to take full advantage of the fact that you weren’t as exhausted as usual and were ready before she was.

Just as you’re plating the omelets you made for the two of you, you feel two arms snake around your waist, and she settles her chin on your shoulder. You lean back into her embrace for a few seconds, reveling in her warmth before pulling away just slightly.

“I made breakfast,” you say softly. “I can’t cook much else, but I make a mean omelet.”

She presses a kiss to your cheek and unwinds her arms to take the plates over to the table. You immediately miss the fact that you’re almost an arm’s length away from her. You sit down next to her, grinning as she rolls her eyes and pulls you into her lap.

As she takes her first bite, you glance at her. You hope she likes it. You know you’ll never be nearly the cook that she is, but-

“Holy shit, babe,” she exhales. “This is delicious. Beats my Aunt Rita’s- but don’t ever tell her I said that.”

You grin before digging into your own breakfast.

The two of you drive separately to school, not wanting to give away the fact that you spent the night together. The crew didn’t even know you were dating, so how would they react if Melissa pulled into the parking lot with you in the passenger seat?

You circle the block a few times, just enough to give off the effect that you hadn’t arrived at the same time before pulling in next to her car. You glance over, but she’s already inside. She’s probably pouring you a cup of coffee as you speak.

You’re about to enter the breakroom to put away your usual lunch when you hear your girlfriend’s loud voice. You turn just out of sight you can listen in.

“Oh come on,” the woman groans loudly.

“All we’re saying, Melissa,” you hear Barb tell the woman. “Is that I see the eyes you give her. I haven’t seen those eyes since you went out with Joe, and the two of you ended up married.”

“Yeah,” you hear Melissa huff. “And then we got divorced.”

“I think you guys would be cute together!” Janine gives her thoughts. “You already do coupley things together anyway.”

“Like what?” you hear your girlfriend challenge.

“Well,” Janine drawls out. “You make her coffee in the morning.”

“I always have a little leftover anyway.”

“She practically grabbed your hand that one day when the fire alarm went off and none of us knew it was a drill.”

“And I grabbed Barb’s as a natural reaction.”

“You two stay late to decorate bulletin boards together even though we all know she does all of the-”

“Safety in numbers.”

“You give her the eyes Gregory and Janine would give each other before they got their heads out of their asses and finally started dating,” Jacob cuts in. The two mentioned feel their cheeks heat up, but they both agree.

“You’re outta your damn minds if youse think I would ever go out with Y/N. She’s a kid who barely knows what she’s doing in life. Now turn on the damned news.”

Your heart drops. It falls out of your chest and onto the floor. It shatters into a million pieces. Sure, you had used those words to describe yourself before, but hearing them from her mouth... that kills you.

You don't enter the break room that morning. Instead, you head straight for your classroom. You guess you’ll have to get used to wilted spinach again, and you’ll have to go without your morning coffee today. You plop down at your desk and put your head in your hands. And after last night and this morning, it just hurts even more.

You feel like an idiot. An absolute idiot. No wonder she didn’t want anyone to know- because she isn’t falling for you the way that you already fell for her. She knows this isn’t going to be a lasting thing- you should’ve known too. You’re just beginning to berate yourself when you hear her footsteps growing louder. You know what that means- the kids are due to come in at any moment.

But the sound of her boots don’t go past your room. They stop right outside your door.

“Hey, hon,” she says as she knocks on your doorframe. “You ‘kay? You didn’t come in like I thought you would.”

You look up, and there she is standing with two mugs in her hands. You look at the clock. It’s fifteen minutes before your students will start to file in. Jim Gardner should still be on in the staff room. You set your hands back into your head.

“Fine,” you say as evenly as you can. “Just- responding to an email I got from Anaya’s mom.”

She looks at you curiously. You don’t even have your laptop out yet. She steps into your room and makes her way over to your desk, where she sets the coffee you would usually lunge for.

“How’re you replying to an email when you don’t even have your laptop out?”

“Replying in my head,” you mumble as you glance at the coffee mug. You want to reach for it so badly, but you won’t.

“Can I help y’out in any way?” she asks, completely unaware of the fact that you had heard her earlier.

You shake your head.

“Can I at least take your lunch to put in the fridge for you?” she asks gently.

You shrug.

“What’d the email say that has you so worked up?” she prods. “You were fine this mornin’.”

“I’m fine,” you lie. “Just have a headache.”

“Did you take Advil?” you nod. “Okay, hon. Try to feel better, yeah?”

You continue to stare at your desk, not wanting to look at her. You know how she feels, so why is she pretending like she still cares?

“Okay, babe,” she leans down to press a gentle kiss to your temple. “I’ll leave you with some peace and quiet before the little monsters come in, but I hope you start to perk up again.”

You don’t miss the fact that she snags your lunch from your bag before leaving you with the cup of coffee she made for you.

As the kids make their way in, you aren’t there to greet them at the door with a smile like you usually are. You stay planted at your desk because you don’t want to have to look down the hall and see your girlfriend- probably you’re soon to be ex-girlfriend.

“I thought there was going to be a sub!” Jada announces as she walks in. She runs up to your desk and gives you a hug. “I’m so happy you’re here today, Ms. Y/N! I don’t like when we have subs.”

You can’t help the small smile that appears on your face as you embrace your student. “I’m glad I’m here too,” you tell her gently. You do mean that, because had you been home, you would already be half a wine bottle deep wallowing in your self pity, and it was barely 8 am.

Standing outside of her classroom, Melissa can’t help but notice that you aren’t standing at the door like you usually do in the mornings. Watching you greet your kids always brings a smile to her face, and that smile is missing right now. She figures your head must really be hurting if you can’t even do that.

She makes her way down the hall to your door where she sees a few of her former students.

“Ms. Schemmenti!” one of them grins.

“Hey ya little eagle,” she chuckles as the girl practically bear-hugs her.

“Is Ms. Y/N here today?”

“She is,” you hear the second grade teacher say before seriously telling the little group now huddled around her, “But she isn’t feelin’ too great today, so I need youse all to be extra good for her today. Can you do that for me?”

They all nod eagerly.

Even with your students being on their best behavior thanks to a talk from Melissa, you can’t seem to pull yourself out of your funk today. You’re usually so good at compartmentalizing your home life from your school life- but now those two worlds have collided, and here you are.

The morning drags on much slower than it usually does, even as the students do everything they can to make today easier on you. And you may have lied to the redhead about having a headache earlier, but now your head is pounding- caffeine withdrawal.

You walk the kids down to their lunch period like you usually do, and you almost head into the break room to grab your lunch and make a coffee, but you don’t even want to look at your girlfriend right now; not after the way she acted with her friends this morning. Deciding you’ll just have to make do with a poptart from the kiddos’ snack stash, you head back into your classroom. Your headache won’t go away, but at least the growling of your stomach will.

As you settle at your desk, your eyes wander to the now cold cup of coffee on the corner of your table. You want it so badly, but you also don’t want it. You don’t want to give Melissa the satisfaction of-

“Hon,” the woman practically storms into your classroom, your tupperware container and fork in hand. In her other hand is a new coffee. She sets it in front of you. “Eat.”

“‘M not hungry,” you mumble and push it away. “Not for that anyway.”

“You hungry for somethin’ else?” she asks teasingly, a smirk written on her face.

“Melissa, we are at school. No.”

“Hey,” she says quietly as she sits on the corner of your desk. “I was just makin’ a joke. I didn’t really-” her eyes wander to the untouched coffee. “You didn’t drink your coffee from this morning.”

“I didn’t want it.”

“I think if you drink it, it might help your headache.” Her brows are knit in concern for you.

“Please just go,” you sigh as you bite into your poptart. “I just need some alone time.”

Melissa’s hand finds its way to your shoulder, and she immediately realizes how tense you are. “Sweetheart, are you that st-”

“Just. Go,” you practically hiss.

“O-okay, hon,” she whispers. “‘M sorry.” She gives your shoulder a little squeeze and leans down to kiss your cheek before leaving.

Come the end of the day, as soon as your last student is out, you’re out. You leave your salad on your desk, you leave the two untouched mugs of coffee on your desk, and you sneak out before anybody else can see you leave.

Melissa saunters to your room, hoping that you’ve perked up and are willing to come over again for dinner tonight when she notices that your lights are off and the door is shut.

“Y/N?” she opens the door. She walks over to your desk, a deep frown forming on her face as she sees your untouched food and drink. Your bags aren’t there. You left, and she knows it.

With a sigh, she closes your door and heads down towards Barbara’s room. The kindergarten teacher is just locking her door as you make your way over to her.

“Hi there, Melissa,” she smiles. “No Y/N today?”

“She was here,” the redhead tells her. “She’s already gone though.”

“I know she was here, dear,” Barbara glances over. “I saw her this morning when she was on her way to take her kids to music. Poor girl looked miserable. Looked like someone kicked her puppy.”

“I know,” the second grade teacher groans. “I tried cheerin’ ‘er up, but it didn’t-”

“We know,” the older teacher tells Melissa. “We saw the way you came back to the staff room after you gave her your lunch. Ooh, girl, if looks could kill.”

Mr. Johnson’s walking down the hall, his garbage bin rolling in front of him. “Maybe you shouldn’t have said what y’did this morning,” he mumbles, mostly to himself, although the pair hears him.

“What was that?” Melissa whips around and glares at him.

The janitor shrugs. “Maybe you shouldn’t have said what y’did this morning,” he repeats again bravely.

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” the redhead raises a brow in shock.

“It means you’re the one who made her look like someone kicked her puppy,” the custodian tells her, and in that moment, Melissa knows what he means.

“She- she heard,” the redhead’s mouth falls open.

“Yeah, she did,” Mr. Johnson drawls out. “You shoulda seen the look on that poor girl’s face. Thank God hearts don’t really shatter, otherwise I’d still be there cleaning up the mess.”

“I- I gotta go,” Melissa pats her friend’s arm as she frantically runs out of the building.

“Go!” Mr. Johnson cheers. “Get your girl back!”

Barbara looks to him, clearly surprised. “So they are together?”

“We better hope they still are tomorrow morning,” the janitor quips. “Otherwise, I’m gonna have to do more than pick up Y/N’s broken heart. We all know Melissa can destroy.”

The second grade teacher probably breaks every possible driving law in order to get to your apartment. She’s barely put her car in park before she’s stumbling into your building and knocking on your door rather aggressively.

You’re laying on your couch face down when you hear what is obviously Melissa. She’s coming over to break up with you- you just know it.

“Y/N!” Melissa yells. “I know you’re home! Your car is in your spot!”

“Go away!” You call back. “I don’t feel-”

You're interrupted by a key being put into the lock. You hadn’t give her a key? And she didn’t know where your spare was hidden? Nevertheless, your front door swings open as she throws a bobby pin back into her hair.

“What the- dammit, now I have to get a new lock,” you grumble into the cushion of your couch.

“Hon, I’m so-”

“So what, Melissa? Ready to break up with me because you would never go out with me?” you finally bite out now that you aren’t at school.

“Babe,” she whispers as she makes her way over to you.

“I heard what you said this morning,” you spit out. “So just break up with me and be done with it.”

“I don’t want that,” she tells you as she wraps your arms around you. For the first time, you don’t lean into her.

“Then what the hell do you want?” you wrestle free of her hold on you. “Since you clearly don't care about me enough to tell them we’re together. You wouldn’t have said what you did if you didn’t mean it, even slightly- dismissing everything they were saying.”

“Babe, it isn’t like that and you-”

“I don’t get you!” you finally break. “You tell me I’m your sun at home, and then you say all that shit at school! You won’t even tell your best friend because you’re so ashamed to be with-”

“I’ll tell Barb officially,” she states quickly. “I’ll tell Abbott. I’ll tell the whole fuckin’ world. I’m not ashamed at all.i I want you, and only you.”

“You say that now, but you haven’t even told Barb. You dismiss every comment she makes about the two of us,” you mumble. “Is it because you don’t really-”

“Barb knows,” Melissa tells you. “So does Mr. Johnson.”

At that you look at her, dumbfounded.

“I don’t know how he knows, but he does,” she shrugs. She wraps her arm around you again. “And hon, I’m so sorry you heard those things I said.”

“It doesn’t take back the fact that you said it,” you grumble.

“You have to know I didn’t mean any of it,” she whispers as she kisses your temple.

“I- I know,” you admit. “But it still hurt that you could say all of that without any hesitation.”

“Because us Schemmentis are damn good liars, and we know how to- that’s besides the point. Y/N, I am so sorry. So sorry.”

You shrug again, but you don’t pull away from her.

“How can I make it up to you?” she whispers as she pulls you closer.

In lieu of an answer, your stomach growls.

“Why don’t you come back to my place with me, and I’ll make you a nice meal?” she suggests.

“That’s a start,” you say with a small, nervous smile.

“And then tomorrow, I’ll drive us to work, and we can tell everyone,” she suggests.

“Mel,” you sigh.

“I’m serious. I’ll tell them- I’m ready. I never wasn’t ready,” she promises. “I was trying to respect your boundaries, and you hadn’t said anything to anyone at school, so I didn’t wanna out you.”

You lean into her. “‘M sorry I was a bitch.”

“You had every right to be,” your girlfriend assures you. “I probably would’ve committed a crime if I were in your shoes. C’mon, hon. Let’s get going if we want to eat at a decent time tonight.”

“Just let me pack a bag, and then...?” you look at her, waiting for her nod of approval. She kisses you gently with a nod. “I’ll be waiting.”

As you leave your apartment hand in hand, her carrying your overnight and school bags, you know the two of you will be okay.

#abbott elementary #abbott elementary fanfic #abbott elementary fanfiction #melissa schemmenti x you #melissa schemmenti fanfic #melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti

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sudokuplayer · 7 months

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MY LOVE IS A WEAPON THROWN ONTO THE OBLIVION OF YOUR BODY (taken from booklet of original art and essays by Sufjan Stevens, written to accompany his new album Javelin)

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1.MY LOVE My first love was an involuntary sound – the music of the spheres – a subdued, white-noise shuddering of my heart, a fluster of hummingbird vibrations that I could taste in the prenatal hemispheres of my mouth, body against body and brain against brain, two conjoined selves conjuring an off-shore thunderstorm in the horizontal distance, dazzling with flashes of metallic music and elemental chaos in the safe harbor of my mother’s womb. There was no light and no dark, no semblance of simile or semaphore. There was only the blurred and audible presence of a distant and divine voice hovering above the waters where I balanced between the prism of absence and presence on an inflatable dirigible of sea foam, wandering into the oleaginous abyss with a half-smile of hazardry and wizardry – my maiden voyage into the “unbeknownst” of oblivion. For what did I really know at this point in my primordial mindlessness? Nothing at all. I was struck dumb, created from ignorance and ether, first without function or features, then without order or form. I was sensation and consciousness postponed, a wet and placid portion of monotonous fruit cut in quarters awaiting heaven’s blessing. My only occupation at this point was to occupy, be occupied, preoccupy, and prevail nature in a womb-world of benevolence and buoyancy. The music of the heartbeat of the universe danced me to sleep. Within this realm, I was love and life supreme, undivided by thought, word and deed, a small promise kept until the act of doing would undo me for good. My birth was my undoing. And then I was born into oblivion.

2.IS I remember in college, falling in love for the first time, two spring months of rapture, residing on the tail end of a helium balloon. I was so giddy about everything: washing the dishes, tying my shoes, scrambling eggs, binding books, pulling berries off juniper trees. My infatuation had such an arrogant persuasion on the world around me. Everything as metaphor ascribed with romance. I remember, while mowing lawns on the college campus, finding an injured fledgling crow by the dining hall. I carried it to the biology lab, where we called a woman who ran an animal sanctuary from her home. She met us on a bike with a wicker basket. “You are doing the universe a great favor,” she said, holding the bird to her breast, like Mother Goose. The event provided endless fodder: for prose poems and folk songs and long conversations on the roof of the aspirin factory, where we got drunk on Boone’s Farm sangria, speculating on cosmic intentions and the order of the universe. So much meaning, so little time. I was young and dumb and in love. Guided by a perverse curiosity and a voracious sensation-of-the-imagination pivoting at the tip of my tongue, I marveled at the mysteries of life laid out before me, awaiting in the calm commotion between innocence and experience.

3.A WEAPON And then experience pummeled me. Many years later, after the long-suffering exhaustion of life had driven me into the bleak underbelly of realism, my most profound thought was sad and static: that nothing really matters, nobody loves me, and loneliness would always be my most devoted companion. In my new sobering worldview, absent of love, I began to encounter everything as an object without meaning, without modifier. The homeless man selling day-old newspapers on the subway was just a homeless man selling day-old newspapers on the subway. There was no metaphor, no rapture, no cosmic intentions. I had to ask myself: does this make the man, the newspaper, the subway, or myself any less meaningful? No. Quite the opposite. For what resided in that substantial vacancy where I was always prone to symbolize the world to death is exactly what I needed right then: Opportunity. Presence of Mind. Peace On Earth. Stable Stoicism. Absence of Metaphor. Responsibility. And Hard Facts. That was my prayer: to shake off the doting artistry of an over-eager poet with a proclivity to create dreams from doldrums; to approach the world as a concrete object, a thing to be held, not a thing to behold, or allegorized; to remain at peace and in careful jurisprudence in spite of the resentful intonation of my overarching loneliness that devastated innocent bystanders with all the magic castles of the imagination. I told myself: I must snuff out the candle of candy-corn dreams. I must soldier on like a dead-end daydream undeterred. I must be steadfast in the stolid presence and essence of common sense and survival. I must be true to life internal and reside in resignation at last.

4.THROWN My second love was less ecstatic, but more tragic: the “gift” of sight – an elemental flash of lightning, which struck me like a bag of metal shavings thrown out onto ice reflecting back at the centerpiece of my sternum. A sucker punch to the chest. My cold consciousness came into sharp focus, rattled by illuminating waves invading everything around me. The light was loud and extraordinary. And even with my eyes closed, my pupils began pontificating at the pornography of sight, and I was momentarily carved into madness. Seeing is believing is birth. I shuddered and shirked at the tangible evidence of something else – the others – the imposition of a sensation outside myself, in which everything was separated into opposable armies: the land from the waters, the air from the earth, the seasons from the doldrums, the seen from the unseen, sin from sainthood, light from dark, good from evil. Everything was put in its place by the curse of namesake. The world was now before me, beneath me, above me, and ultimately against me, a pressure foot pressed down on all sides. I felt a cold claustrophobia, empty and alone, trans-natal and tragic, baffled by the violence of this new environmental context. And to think I was just a silly beansprout of a thing shivering under the medical lights, squirming like an open earthworm, now tasked with this terrible act of naming. God gave me a pen and a pad of parchment paper. “Transcribe your feelings and your findings,” she said. “Do your thing. First thought, best thought.” I did as I was commanded, a dutiful sea urchin inching its way to the possibility of words and wisdom.

5.ONTO A world without language was once the indication of certain death. Soundless, voiceless, nameless vapor. A typography of empty vessels. The void! But now, what of the tragedy of names, spoken into existence with the demystification of words? I was culprit and complicit, identifying all the divergences, differentiations, variations, permutations, diversities, dichotomies and double entendres. Categorizing the animals, cutting them down to size, organizing the parts of the body with the parts of speech, a fanatical grammar-game of possession, domination and death. I had to ask myself: Is this manner of identification in the name of higher knowledge even if it disregards purpose, analysis, and compassion (observation absent of intention)? And how could it be undertaken without idolatry and ulterior motive? I desired the objectivity of the photography of the baby-brain, whose fuzzy visionary reception was a delightful nebula of perfumed consciousness and joy. I wanted to see the world coherently and without discretion, discernment, reduction, and deduction – unintelligible intelligence. Instead I began to perceive how intimate knowledge generates prosperity (fullness) and progeny (fruitfulness) – of ideas and offspring. To be “made known” was to be consummated: “Adam knew Eve” – intercourse as discourse (knowledge as physical/sexual engagement). To know someone was to take possession (to gain access, in confidence and with confidentiality). The exchange would potentially unveil the secret knowledge between lovers (the nominative ordinances of arousal) – wherein posterity would become the observable antecedents of this sacred wisdom, and pleasure would be its misfortune (of infatuation and love, of chaos and order). My sexual discourse began to die a slow death of observation and objectification, a nonsense category of substances seen and deemed believable, predicating a cosmic break from the universe: a psychic rebirth, from which invisible things transformed into figures of speech, wherein figures of speech were left dead in the wake of rivulets and rivers, drowning in a molten waterfall of dread, where they would meet their maker in linguistic whimsy. My death was now new life. My reincarnation, a reverse sublimation. I was made known; therefore, I knew nothing.

6.THE For a short time, my pet peeves were my shortcomings: dry skin in the morning – brushing off the bed sheets with bits of outer insulation from my body. Was I molting? I needed to drink more bitter herbs, I thought. I had chronic stomach pain, below the clavicle, a small fist of air. Sweet antacid, mint leaves, fennel seed tea. Invisible Anxiety. The pain in my leg: a hypochondriac’s dream. Soothing myself with palm oil and camphor. Small applications on the surface. At dinner with guests, supplementing aspirin with ice-water, saying very little otherwise, a friend agreed with everyone’s assessment: “Yes, sometimes you are cold and unfeeling. You could warm it up a little.” My apparent coolness – was it a matter of objective safety? That remote vacancy which I brought to every engagement, keeping the world at arm’s length, the anthropologist’s vantage point, sustaining the presumptive: was that my vocation – the judicious spectator, an odd outlier outlining all this activity while staying behind the line of sight? As the youngest sibling, I was always evaluating my older sisters with fierce judgment from the corner of the room, just out of reach: eavesdropping on phone conversations, catching glimpses of padded bras, curling irons, and maxi pads passed between casual doorways. Taking stock of the panoply of premature adulthood (teenage pregnancy), unruly rebellion (sneaking out at night), clumsy and combative excursions with our wicked step-mother (cat fights with elegantly finger-nailed fisticuffs). I watched from a dutiful distance, careful not to engage, harboring a catalog of tragicomic events and all their moral assessments in order to avoid the worst-case scenario for myself. I was in the world, but not of it. I learned from the mistakes of others: that I was nothing more than a mistake waiting to happen, potential energy. I learned from the mistletoe to keep watch overhead so as to avoid the dangling modifier of accidental affection. I learned from the stone in my shoe to keep walking through the pain with a staggering refrain in my step, a constant reminder of the brokenness of my body and the indefatigable self-loathing of my own self-consciousness.

7.OBLIVION My third love was a surprise affection – ticklish touching and tender swaddles of terry towels and cotton cloth wrapped in armfuls of goose down feathers transfixed in the careful undertaking of childcare. A sensual delight! I was an object to be objectified, a thing to squeeze and prickle, caress and carry about in a breadbasket. I grew from a pinecone to a pine tree, from a newt to a dinosaur, from a poppy-seed to a poppy flower bursting with fireworks. This love then transferred its fornications onto something wet, wild and ornithological – a flying, feathery python ascending to its countenance as a bastion of bridegrooms in a flaming aviary chariot of leathery kisses all aimed at my elbows. Hope is a thing with bird feeders. So I watched the feathered fowl crowd around the seeds and suet, grubs and grains with dinosaur intensity, beaks and claws doing their vast prehistoric business with messy execution. My lovers cawed at their community of plumy mishaps like transcendental mother hens: nuthatch and creeper, tanager and titmouse, blue jay and junco gallivanting together like an armful of woolen throw blankets clapping the dust from their ornamental features. Our fairy dance of foreplay lasted for days. Cat calls as birdsong with balloons, iambic pentameter poems, chimes that rhymed with clanging crystals hung on fishing line, and all the fanciful costumes with sequins and fringe, flowered bell bottoms, metallic body suits, reggae music, ballroom dancing, charm bracelets, diamond rings, glimmering little earrings with fly-fishing ornaments, and, on the last day, a very long and serious monologue about global warming. Our lovemaking was quick and witty, a little slutty and clumsy – nothing more than a jaunt, a quick choreography of slaps and body slams, two pigeons in a mosh pit, working things out in juvenilia. Nature had done its work. Afterward we lounged together in the afterglow with soft pillow talk and dreams of nest eggs and parenting, protecting, foraging, feeding, and changing diapers, all the domestic labors of love. But for now, in a warm bird bath, sunning ourselves with a glistening glow, I could only think of the sweet bliss of here and now, the wetness of loving kisses on my nape, my neck, my back, my rump, my foreshortened wings and a sweet nectar nightcap. Hope is a thing deferred, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.

8.OF My fourth love was peripatetic: a suitcase stored in an overhead bin on an airplane. Things beget things beget responsibilities. I procrastinated my life by traveling far from it. A day before the voyage, I stayed up late in the polar forces of the night, diligently packing the baggage on the couch, opened up like can of tuna fish, a glass of lemon juice on the nightstand (master cleanse), the Siamese cat washing itself, the dollar store dishes in the sink, my dirty clothes in a paper bag. The last time I had left for this kind of trip, my things were in boxes in one room on the second floor of a gated town house in God-knows-where, New York. Now everything had been transferred as in a swap meet, boxes upon boxes, things upon things, other voices, other rooms. The living room was a labyrinth of speculative journeys, a crossword puzzle of travel prompts. Outside, gale force winds rose to the occasion, knocking on the windows like unwanted guests. I imagined the weather overtaking everything in an apocalyptic frenzy: cups and saucers trembling in tongues, plastic wrap coming undone in a transparent wedding train, pillowcases falling over our heads like hard hats, ceiling fans circumnavigating the neighborhood like helicopter rides, the colored crayons on the kitchen shelf thrown asunder to make slapdash hieroglyphs all over the window panes, the mysterious penmanship of the gods! My mind was preoccupied by disaster, a force majeure, an act of God, a ball of yarn, and the four horses of the Apocalypse. I wanted nothing of it: this origami suitcase lifestyle of travel and transition. I wanted to be here and now. I wanted silence, solace, and stillness. I wanted the simplest of things: a bowl of vanilla ice cream, a warm bath, and a quiet place to sit and stitch my hand-crafted cross-stitch of rainbows and sailboats framing a sexy cartoon portrait of Dionne Warwick diligently working the lines for the Psychic Friends Network from way back in the 1990s, when every solution to every problem was just a phone call away.

9.YOUR History repeats itself, defeats itself, cheats itself, berates and beats itself. I am not historic. I am histrionics. I must hate my mother and my father. I must hate myself and take up the cross and be born again. In this way, my fifth love was an immutable shadow following me with sticky tricks and schemes, a cancerous contamination of the mind that could only be cured with the deadly venom of a cone snail. I couldn’t quite shake it, the cobalt-blue memory of a ghost haunting my sophistry, a prescient reminder that the knowledge of faith and the substance of hope were right behind me this entire time (and not something to pursue, or follow, like an ornamental object on the horizon, dazzling, elusive and alive in the distant future). The Divine Inside was a “previously known encounter.” I could never see it face to face, but only feel it in my shadow, the former patterns of an aura left behind, pushing forward, pursuing, persuading, steering and navigating my memory through the valley of the shadow of death. I wanted so desperately to “have and to hold” the real substance of things (evidence!), the physical, intimate engagement with the body and the blood, which I actively sought out in transcendental activity, prayer and supplication, the sacraments, the feasts of the saints, a metaphysical substance to salivate and sublimate within the natural order of things. But this was a false pretense. God is not natural, but supernatural. The real material of divinity is ineffable, unassailable, unknowable, unutterable, and unreal. The evidence of providence is not within our line of sight, nor within our grasp, but instead beyond and behind our physical kinesphere. It is unapproachable, unspeakable, unobservable, and ultimately “erstwhile”. And yet still we continue to feel it “under our skin” and “within the universe” of our own personal history: The Past/The Passed/The Repossessed. God is our delayed consciousness – the nameless, faceless dichotomy of our secret truth. And we are made in its indistinguishable appearance. Therefore our own true “image” is without a name or a face – a baseless, shapeless cloud hovering above the waters, a countenance of empty atmosphere (signifying nothing) – a gothic apparition, a vision of love, a dance of the eternal travesty of life, a burrowing beetle of impenetrating curiosity. Digging for the true grit of life in the eternal dirt of the universe.

10.BODY My last love was a kind of science fiction. I was out running errands at the mall when I saw a fleet of lampshades falling like flying saucers from the sky. The alien robots came to me in an escalating beam of light and said: “We come in peace! The obverse seeks to make its face shine upon you, while the inverse hides in shame.” They did their thing with my body, prodding and poking around for some good news, but at first I would have none of it. I struggled and squirmed under nylon restraints strapped onto a stainless steel operating table. I was a basket case of curmudgeonly vitriol, pointing out everything that was wrong with the world around me: Fossil fuels. Cancer. Money. Greed. Sales Tax. Frozen Yoghurt. Religion. Varicose Veins. Junk Mail. But the alien robots were unflappable. They said, “We just need a little DNA, not a diatribe,” while swabbing the insides of my mouth with a cottony Q-tip. Then, after careful intubation and a slow drip of aesthesia, I eased into the abyss. They removed my clothes and covered my body with a marshmallowy spray foam. They swaddled me into a warm cocoon of maroon goo, where I remained in stasis to the end of the ages, slowly resuming into the soft, pillowy features of my former self – pre-natal, premature, pre-conceived – a slippery and succulent primordial membrane of soupy warmth and illuminating agency awaiting, once again, the cosmic journey laid out before me like a yellow-brick road of possibilities – the secret oblivion of love, the “unbeknownst!” Within this pinprick vision, I saw a tapestry of afterbirth in afterglow as an addendum to an immaculate after-thought of rapturous joy. I was born-again in fullness and truth. I was a peanut. I was a pretzel. I was a pan-fried shrimp. I was pandemonium personified. I was once again myself waiting to happen again and again and again and again and again … until the end.

— Sufjan Stevens

#sufjan stevens #javelin

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kierewrites · 3 months

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What Would Karma Do... when you get kidnapped on your school trip? / pt. 2

navi - masterlist

Karma Akabane x Reader

Mood Song: house of balloons / glass table girls

Summary: Remember the beloved Assassination Classroom anime? This is pretty much that, except you enter the picture of Karma's chaotic school year. Let's see just how compatible the two of you are.

Warnings: kidnapping, depictions of violence, cursing, kidnappers are pervs, this is my attempt at getting out of my writers block rut :')

"Nagisa! Sugino! Karma!"

The cries seemed to echo through the boy's minds as reality slowly seeped its way back to them. None of them seemed to remember what happened until they felt the sharp pain overcome their bodies from the attack.

All Karma could hear was the sound of your voice. Crying, whimpering, screaming his name in a desperate plea for him to help you, and yet he let you slip from his grasp.

Just like that.

Now all that was left for him to think about was what those thugs were doing to you, or where the hell they could have even taken you? For all he knew, the three of you could be dead by now and they couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

It seemed surreal that just earlier in the day you were cuddled up next to him on the train, your small hand enlaced with his own. Now who knew what those filthy pigs were doing with you.

As the other boys slowly rose from their weakened positions, they seemed to notice Karma's… sour mood, to say the least. The redhead’s breathing was ragged, his fists clenched in a furious tremble. Nagisa glanced over to Sugino who shared a concerned look, the two debating on how they should confront the ticking time bomb.

"Karma it's okay, we'll get them-"

Before Nagisa could finish his words of encouragement, a raged scream poured from Karma's lips before his fist collided with the wall beside him, the crack of bone against the brick structure echoing throughout the alleyway.

"DAMN IT!"

Both boys remained still after this, their hearts sinking at the sight of their normally confident friend being torn apart from the inside. Nagisa had never seen Karma so furious, usually he kept up his assured facade even in challenging situations.

"Are you doing okay Sugino?" Nagisa questioned, checking in on the less aggressive target first. After receiving a thumbs up, Nagisa sat up a bit more before shifting his gaze over to his troubled friend.

"Karma?"

Once his name was spoken, the redhead turned his head to the side, the sight sending chills through Nagisa's body. He was smiling.

"I think it's safe to assume those guys were pretty hardcore," Karma stated simply, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck slowly, "We could go to the cops, except those guys are the type who know their way around the system... which is fine."

Sugino and Nagisa both felt uneasy about Karma's sudden change in mood, his last words sounding awfully menacing, even for Karma. Before they could question it, the redhead finally looked up from behind his arm with the most ominous expression Nagisa had seen in awhile.

"Cause I'm the type who likes to handle these things personally, if you know what I mean."

Sure enough, both boys knew exactly what he meant. Karma wasn't the type who got beaten easily, so to be on the losing side of an attack like this most definitely put a damper on his ego. But then to go and take his friends and girlfriend? Nagisa could only imagine the unparalleled rage Karma was feeling.

"Okay dude..." Sugino muttered while holding his arm against his aching stomach, "How do we even find them?"

Karma remained silent at this, Nagisa glancing over to Sugino while deep in thought until it came to him. Those dictionary-like guides Korosensei gave to everyone… Shuffling to his feet, Nagisa darted to his bag and lugged the giant book to the other three boys.

"Korosensei said this thing is filled with any scenario possible, there's gotta be something in here to help us!"

Karma glanced over in interest, Sugino's face lighting up as he crawled next to Nagisa while flipping through pages.

"Let's see... cheering yourself up your lonely self after seeing a lovey dovey couple... where to find cheap Kyoto soup and cheap local boutiques... this thing literally has every scenario!"

Nagisa chuckled slightly at a few of them, Korosensei really knew how to lift the mood in every situation. It honestly felt like the teacher was right there reading it with them.

"There it is! What to do when a group member has been abducted!" Nagisa shouted, both boys looming over to read the pages of information on this given scenario, "Holy crap so much detail... this has everything we need!"

Sugino nodded, a smile finally spreading across his lips along with Karma. Though unlike Sugino, Karma's smile had a more ominous glint to it as he cracked his knuckles.

"Let's go kick some old man ass."

The moment you woke up, every single memory flooded into your head.

Not even bothering to take in your surroundings, you just whispered Karma's name, tears brimming at the tips of your lashes as images from the traumatic experience swarmed your mind. How could these thugs be so cruel?

The sound of your two friends stirring beside you seemed to snap you out of your horrifying trance. It was then you soaked in the building you were in. Almost with movie-like accuracy, it seemed you had been brought to some dirty abandoned warehouse. The room was large, filled with metal scraps and old wooden boxes, with the odd exception of a few pieces of dingy furniture laying around.

Glancing down, your nose scrunched upon realizing you were placed on one of the few decrepit couches displaced around the room, the creases of the old fabric filled with a dark moldy substance.

It was then that you realized you were much better kempt yourself. Your school attire had far lost uniform as the attire laid untucked and discolored with a mix of likely sweat and dirt. There wasn’t a single thing making you feel any less sick to your stomach.

The most you were able to communicate with Kayano and Kanzaki was ensuring they were both alright, which luckily all of you appeared to be uninjured with the exception of your arms being tied behind your backs.

Before you could say much else, a few men entered the dark room. You recognized most of them from the initial kidnapping, the group apparently not being very large. The men mostly just belittled all of you, telling the three of you that you were going to have a fun little “photoshoot”, and threatening that nobody would hear your screams, as a reminder to not even bother.

They always say when you experience your first traumatic experience, your brain almost becomes delirious because it’s not sure how to respond. Not sure if it’s really happening. Apparently those facts are true, your mind scrambling on how to feel or react.

Before you could think much of it, one of the men called out Kanzaki, showing the three of you a picture of her at an arcade, clearly from years ago. Your occasional glances at the raven haired girl confirmed she wasn’t proud of the memory forcibly being shown, her solemn face grimacing at the images.

After they discussed their eerily evasive knowledge of Kanzaki’s past, the men left to go talk amongst themselves while waiting for this “photographer” to show up.

"Not gonna lie, it's kind of comforting to know even you went through a faze," Kayano admitted with a soft smile, "Never would've imagined..."

Nodding in agreement you turned your head to Kanzaki, "Yeah, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, you pulled the look off well!"

Kanzaki lowered her head and sighed as you both tried to cheer her up, mumbling a thanks before looking at the two of you.

"Yeah.. My dad was crazy strict, always on me about doing well in school and building up my resume..." Kanzaki explained, both you and Kayano frowning at her words, "It was so.. suffocating, you know?"

Kayano nodded, a pitiful chuckle escaping your own lips.

"I totally understand, my parents may not be as strict, but it’s only because I’ve never let my grades slip. The pressure of it all is so overwhelming at times." You admitted.

Kanzaki nodded quickly at you with sparkling eyes, as if you had just read her mind.

"Exactly! I just couldn't deal!" Kanzaki exclaimed before frowning once more, "So.. I ditched the uniform, glammed myself out and.. hanged where nobody knew who I was. It felt like therapy.. It was so stupid. Where did I expect to end up, right? It's E Class for me... but now I don't even know where I belong anymore..."

Kanzaki’s confession left you and Kayano to stare at the floor in deep thought. Being the school’s idol, you assumed Kanzaki would’ve never had such experiences growing up.

Just as you were going to attempt to cheer the poor girl up, the sound of footsteps snapped you all from your conversation, a new wave of dread filling your cores.

"Sounds to me like you would be right at home with us! Grades and all that pointless bullshit don't mean jack here." The man hissed with narrowed eyes, "We eat those rich kid scums for breakfast, nothing's sweeter than knocking those stuffed shirts down a peg or two."

Narrowing your eyes at the man's words, you glanced over at another thug who followed after.

"The only thing that matters is having a little fun right?"

Their words had your brows knit together in annoyance. Could one genuinely think so highly of themselves as to make a living off of harassing others that are trying to do good for themselves?

Before you could respond, Kayano seemed to mirror your thoughts, her face darkening as she muttered three words that she would probably regret.

"You're a jerk."

Suddenly the disgusting grin the man once wore faded, your body going numb in fear of what he would do next. Sure enough he lifted Kayano from the couch by the collar of her uniform with an angry growl, "I see how it is! Little miss perfect thinks she's better than me!"

The sight of Kayano sobbing and trying to jerk herself out of the man’s grasp had your blood boiling in anger. What gave these men the right to treat you like this?

After everything you've been through, there was no reason why you should be sitting around and letting all of this happen. For so long you've been living in fear, but enough is enough. You had already lost Karma... you would be damned if you lost anyone else too.

"Let her go!" You shouted, wobbling yourself up so you were sitting on your knees.

All eyes fell on you now, the man holding Kayano freezing before narrowing his eyes down to you.

"Oh but of course, how could I forget about you?"

Suddenly your breath hitched as the man dropped Kayano haphazardly onto the grungy couch. The surge of confidence you had now vanished as the man began to close in on you like a predator does their prey.

"I knew right from the start when I saw you on the train, I just had to have you..." The man sneered, bending down before you as his hands began to play with your hair, "Foreign school girls are highly expensive you know, tell me where you're from, yeah?"

Furrowing your brows you clenched your teeth as you felt him grope at your sides, your feeble attempt to shake him off only ended in him gripping your chin harshly causing you to wince in pain.

"I asked you a question sweetheart."

"(Country)." You muttered through grit teeth, keeping your glare locked on him as he laughed boisterously as if this was the best thing he heard all day.

"You hear that boys? We got a (Country) girl here! We're about to be rich!" The man boomed, the sick men behind him sneering at you as you shriveled yourself up against the back of the couch.

“Oh don't cower away now, doll.” The man cooed, grabbing your shirt and pulling you back to the edge of the couch, "Don’t look so scared, we’ll treat ya real well… hell I may even keep you with how much you’re worth.”

Those were the words that truly shook you, the confidence you once had fully vanished as you felt your mouth go dry. The thought of never seeing your friends again... your family… Karma? Tears began to glisten in your eyes again, threatening to spill.

The man only grinned at your response, his thumb brushing across your cheek as he grabbed your chin once more, “Don’t cry on me sweetheart, that’s only going to entice-”

In a fit of desperate anger, you decided to shut the man up the only way you could. Moving your head back out of his grasp, you quickly latched your teeth around his finger and clenched them as hard as you could.

In seconds he jumped back from you, a loud howl escaping his lips as he rubbed his now bleeding finger before looking at you with widened eyes.

"D..Did you just bite me you crazy bitch?!"

Furrowing your brows you screamed as loud as you could, begging anyone for help. Begging and praying that someone was nearby to hear you. Kayano and Kanzaki caught on with your idea, screaming alongside you in hopes of someone hearing the shrill screams.

Whether someone heard you or not, the stunt you pulled seemed to prove useless as the seething man before you looked at you with crazed eyes. Midscream, you felt your body being lifted into the air, the harsh grasp around your neck silencing any noise you attempted to make.

The sound of your friends crying your name made your body shiver, the sight surely not a pretty one to see as all you could do was shake and tremble in his hold.

"How do you like that, huh bitch? If you're going to bite and scream like a dog, then I'll fucking treat you like one!"

His words would’ve stung more had you not been fighting for consciousness, the tears once brimming at your lashes were now rushing down your cheeks as you gasped for air. Any attempt at getting the ropes untied from your wrists proved useless.

It wasn’t until your complexion neared a pale purplish hue that the man finally released you, throwing your limp body onto the couch with a thud. You felt yourself fall into the laps of Kayano and Kanzaki, their desperate whispers of reassurement falling on deaf ears as you gasped for air in between coughs.

"When we're done here you go back to whatever fancy hotel you're in and tell whoever asks that you were just out singing karaoke and lost track of time," The man instructed with narrowed eyes before glaring at you, "Except for you, little brat. I was considering letting your little friends buy your freedom, but after all the trouble you've put me through, you'll never see the light of day again."

The purely sick laughter of the man echoed around the room, the sound sending fear through all of you as one of the metal doors clicked open.

"Speak of the devil.." The man said, noticing the door open as well, "My photographer buddies are here!"

Though your vision was still fairly blurred, you were able to glance up at the door to notice a tuft of orange hair. The only issue was that the bright locks were nearly dragging against the ground. As the figure made its way from the shadows, it was revealed that he wasn’t awake at all, rather beaten to a pulp based on the purple bruises that littered his face.

"Huh, what the hell?"

"School trip guidebook page one thousand and forty three..." You heard a familiar voice speak, all of your heads raising in recognition, "What to do when a group member has been abducted. If there are no leads on the perpetrators, think back to said accents or quirks that might indicate whether said perpetrators are local. If not, if the perpetrators were wearing school uniforms refer to page one thousand three hundred and thirty four..."

As Nagisa read the all too familiar words from a certain handbook you remember receiving, a small smile curled at the corner of your lips.

"You found us!" Kayano squealed, but was quickly overshadowed by the man before you shouting.

"What the hell?! How'd you even know where to look?"

Nagisa simply continued to read from Korosensei's guidebook, explaining each detail as to how they located us. It almost sounded too good to be true, and based off of the faces of the men they thought the same thing as well.

"Alright, so what's it gonna be gentleman?" Karma spoke, the sound of his voice making your eyes water as your smile grew, realizing the redhead was still alive, "Fight or flight? We'll go easy if you back down now but after all you've put us through, you're not getting out of this unscathed,"

Even with your vision obscured, the sight of his ominous golden eyes peering through his dark red locks was evident, enough to even make you shiver.

"That's a promise."

The feeling of hope hadn’t lasted long as the large thug before you chuckled at Karma’s words, seeming to be the only one not phased by their entrance.

"Acting all badass... You high school kids crack me up." The man hissed with a smirk, "Why do you even bother, you saw how far it got miss (Country) girl over here."

For a quick second your eyes locked with Karma's, golden hues drinking in your broken figure until he scowled and looked away, the sight making you want to shrink up into a ball and hide away. He was pissed.

"How about you say hello to some friends of mine.. see how far that attitude gets you with them."

The new voice was followed with an eerie chuckle, four new lifeless figures being presented at the doorway with a pair of glowing red eyes peering from the darkness.

"Say hello to them if you'd like.. but be advised though, they probably won't hear you."

All of your friends were finally able to smile with relief, your eyes lightening up at the sight of your teacher.

"Korosensei!"

Suddenly your teacher revealed himself from the shadows, holding up the four men as if it were nothing at all to him.

"Sorry I'm a little late to the festivities, I figured it would be best to let you handle this on your own while I searched elsewhere, just to cover all the bases." Korosensei explained, "Now why don't we split up and teach these filthy thugs a good ole Class E lesson?"

The three boys beside him seemed to light up at those words, each of them grinning maliciously as they followed after their teacher in attacking the group of thugs.

Korosensei was doing most of the work, making sure to lecture each one of the disgusting thugs about how your class wasn't snobby like most other private schools, and how you all worked hard while not tearing others down around you.

It was a heartwarming sentiment to say the least, it was just strange to see Korosensei have time to lecture these guys while they charged at him with knives and other weapons. There was no doubt that Korosensei was on another level.

Kanzaki and Kayano giggled in excitement, their heads glancing down to your limp form as Kayano reassured you that everything would be okay. And for a second, it felt like everything would be.

But you should've known by now not to assume anything.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around your torso and lifted you from off the couch, before you could register your friend’s screams or even what was happening, you were thrown over a large shoulder.

"Get that one away for now until we can regroup!"

Your eyes widened, this couldn't be happening. No.. no.. no. You were too damn close to be taken away like this. Gritting your teeth you began to slam your head against the back of the man’s legs while kicking at his gut in an attempt to make him drop you.

"Q..Quit that you little brat!" The man growled, his arms squeezing tightly around your torso causing you to yelp in pain. Why did he have to be so damn strong?

The sound of your name being screamed by Kanzaki and Kayano alerted your other classmates that were in the midst of giving a good beating, the three of them noticing the thug carrying your squirming body away.

"These fuckers just won't take a hint, will they?" Karma growled, releasing the head he had in his hand and shoving the limp thug away before running towards the man holding you.

"L..Let me... go! You p..pig!" You cried, your kicks turning into pathetic squirms as you felt like the life was being squeezed out of you. For the third time that day you saw those dark spots that plagued your vision, it was humiliating.

Just when you felt your lashes begin to flutter shut, you felt the man beneath you freeze. Since your senses were nearly fried from being on the verge of passing out, you didn’t hear the harsh scream of the thug until you collided with the floor.

Though you still were slowly gaining consciousness, you could at least feel two hands grip your face, your eyes registering those bright red strands of hair.

Karma held your weak body up as he quickly pulled out his pocket knife and sliced the ropes that held your wrists together. Rubbing at your arms a bit aggressively, the redhead grabbed your lolling head once more and called your name.

“Y/n, you there? Ya hearing me angel?”

Blinking a bit, your eyes focused enough to see the concern in his eyes, his lips moving in what you assumed was your name. Glancing behind him, you saw the man that was once carrying you now on the ground, gripping at his knees.

“Y/n! Are you alright?” Karma now cried, his voice finally ringing in your ears as you looked to him, now feeling the tears running down your face as you nodded vigorously.

“Y..Yes yes… M’alright Karma! I’m… okay.” You whispered, forcing a smile on your lips as you tried to sit up before the two of you heard the metal door click beside you.

The thug was struggling to open the door as he tried to crawl away from the two of you, the sight making the redhead growl before he glanced back at your heaving body.

“You just stay here and breathe for me, alright angel?” Karma said softly, running his non-bloodied hand across your cheek before standing up and walking towards the pathetic man.

"You told me not to play hero huh?" Karma hissed with a psychotic grin, grabbing the man by his ankles and tugging him back away from the door, "Fine! I'll be the bad guy!"

Without a second thought, Karma’s fists connected with the man’s jaw with a frightening crack. Punch after punch, Karma relentlessly beat the thug, his sinister laugh filling the air as the hits began to grow harder and harder.

Though it twisted your insides, the thought of that man getting what was coming felt good. But with that said, there were only so many more hits he would be able to take before it would be too late for him.

Once you eventually were able to breathe normally, you stood up shakily and started walking towards the two in order to stop Karma, but your movement was stopped when a yellow tentacle wrapped around your wrist. Whipping your head around you noticed your teacher with a rather solemn face.

"Let him finish, the boy has so much pent up rage right now, it'll be best for him to take it out now rather than on you or one of his classmates," Korosensei explained, your heart dropping at the sound of that. You could only imagine how stressed out and angry the Karma was.

Even with that in mind though, you feared that Karma would take this too far. The crazed look in his eye only getting worse with each resounding punch.

"But if we don't stop him now Korosensei, he may end up-"

"I won't let him get that far I promise you that,” Your teacher spoke, placing a tentacle on your shoulder before bending down to you, “Now head back out to safety with your other classmates and get that neck of yours checked out, no severe injuries correct?"

Swallowing thickly, you rubbed at the back of your neck before letting out a shaky sigh.

"I don't believe so, just some minor stuff.” You mumbled, offering a forced smile before you shuffled towards the front door, one of your classmates running to you and helping you out.

Your teacher only nodded at you, his body facing back to the relentless redhead who continued his vicious attacks on the now regretful thug.

Karma couldn't lie to himself. If his teacher hadn't stepped in to stop his actions, the unconscious thug beneath him would've been a dead corpse in his hands.

How could he help it? They beat him up, kidnapped his friends, then he comes to find the girl he loves barely conscious on a filthy couch. He swore to protect you and he failed, and for that he was going to show these bastards a lesson.

The redhead even sensed when the thug was reaching fatal levels, but he didn't care. He ignored the man's pleas to stop. Why should he listen? He didn't listen to your desperate cries when he tried to take you away!

Karma's fists ached but he barely felt it, instead he bared his teeth in fury as he cracked each of his fist's against the thug’s face. He didn't feel the blood running down his fists or the bruises forming on his knuckles, only the satisfaction of sweet revenge.

As his hits began to slow down his eyes glimmered in joy, knowing this final blow would be it for the sorry excuse of a man. Raising his fist with a crazed grin he was ready to smash it down into the man's skull until a yellow tentacle wrapped around his wrist. Karma whipped his head around with a growl, trying to free his wrist from his teacher's grasp.

"Stay out of this you damn octopus!"

Korosensei's hold only grew stronger as the creature's voice grew rather serious, "Karma you're going to kill that man, you must stop."

Karma laughed at the irony of his teacher's words. Korosensei was going to lecture him right now? Seriously?

"Why do you care? We're in an assassination classroom right! Killing is what we do!" Karma shouted with clenched fists, "This filthy pig tried to hurt your classmates!"

Karma's breathing became heavy as he felt his fists shake in fury, his eyes feeling hot as he looked down at the disgusting man.

"He tried to take her."

The feeling of Korosensei's tentacle suddenly disappeared, Karma's hand falling down to his knees as he kept his golden eyes trained on the ground.

"I understand how you're feeling, young man. Angry, scared, vengeful. You have every right to feel this way, but think about it like this," Korosensei explained, "These men around you tried to take your friends away and maybe even harm them for personal gain, why would you want to lower yourself down to their level for revenge?"

Karma remained silent, his fists loosening up as he looked at his teacher through his red tufts of hair.

"Y/n is okay, your friends are okay, that's all that matters at the moment. There's no doubt that you're training to become an assassin, but you must understand that assassins take pride in their work and don't just kill anyone for fun. Don't ruin your future for revenge, young man."

Surprisingly Karma felt… better. He hated to admit it, but the damn creature always knew the right things to say. Honestly Karma knew he lost himself in the moment, he could only thank his teacher for not letting him go too far.

"Now I suggest you go out there and check on Y/n, the poor girl has only been here for a few weeks and she's already experienced such a traumatic event. She's going to need you by her side."

For once during the whole talk Karma smiled at his teacher, taking his tentacle to stand up before they both walked outside to meet with their classmates.

When you made it outside you were surprised to see the sunset lowering just above the horizon. Time was lost while you were locked inside that decrepit building

Your classmates were quick to be at your side. After enough eyes examined you, it was determined you didn’t have any serious injuries, just some bruised spots and sore muscles. Luckily Nagisa offered to get you some water from a nearby convenience store, the cool liquid soothing your throat at least.

Once the chaos had settled down, your classmates decided to sit on the curb across the street from the building, talking amongst themselves. You decided to refrain from talking, your throat injury providing a helpful excuse to do so. But in reality, it’s more because you felt sick to your stomach.

Surprisingly you weren't completely traumatized by the events that had just occurred, for some reason that's not what bothered you the most out of everything that happened today. It was just the way you were so pathetic, so helpless. You should've been able to do something.

Instead you were forced to watch your boyfriend get attacked, watch your friends get harassed, and make everyone worry because you were so weak... so pathetic.

In your deep thought, you hadn’t even heard the grunt beside you as a tall redhead took a seat beside you on the sidewalk. The sound of his cough snapped you from your thoughts as you glanced up at him, seeing his golden eyes already looking down at you, though they were quick to drop to your neck, his eyes quickly narrowing.

"Damn it, I can't believe how bad it looks." Karma muttered, his fingers grazing against the damaged skin resulting in you sucking air through your teeth from the mild pain of the touch, to which he quickly jerked his hand away.

Quickly looking back to the road, you chuckled weakly with a frown, “Gee thanks.”

Karma clicked his tongue and bumped your side slightly, "You know what I meant angel, don't be like that."

You forced out a laugh, your eyes remaining glued to the ground as your fingers nervously fidgeted against your knee caps. Your actions didn't go unnoticed by the redhead, his hand gently grabbing your fidgeting fingers to force them to a still.

"Are you okay Y/n?"

Oh how you wished he hadn't uttered those four words. You were dreading those words falling from anyone's lips, knowing they would crumble the walls you tried so hard to keep up.

Sure enough the warm teardrops that had been threatening to spill from your lashes began to trickle out one by one, your sudden release of emotions causing you to sniffle.

Karma was quick to grab at your cheek and move your head to face his own, his face immediately softening as you burst into tears before him. Without second thought he shoved you into his chest and wrapped his arms around you tightly, gripping at the locks of your hair and inhaling your scent as he kissed at the top of your head.

"Shit Y/n... I'm so sorry, that must've been so scary for you. I should've been there and I wasn't-"

"Shut up!"

Out of everything Karma expected you to say, it wasn’t that. His hold on you softened as you shoved yourself away from his chest, your sobs growing louder as you rubbed aggressively at your face. You almost looked... angry? The sight scared Karma to death, thinking you could only be mad at him.

"Shut up, shut up, just shut up!" You cried as you looked down to your shaking hands, "You shouldn't have been there, I should've been there!"

Karma's eyes widened at this, confusion running through his mind as you continued.

"You put yourself before me to save me and as soon as you got attacked all I did was watch like an idiot! A..And when they took me away and I had to watch you get kicked to what I thought was death! All I could do was cry and watch you get attacked, I felt so.. so weak!"

Now the puzzle pieces were clicked together in Karma's head. You weren't mad at him... you were mad at yourself.

And somehow, that felt worse for him.

"And when we got kidnapped and they just kept harassing us, all I could do was shout at them and hope they would stop! I..I.. I should've been able to do something! But instead all I could do was watch, all I ever do is watch. I put everyone else around me in danger or make everyone else worry because... because..."

Your face grew red, every emotion you felt bottled up inside as you squeezed your eyes shut.

"Because I’m weak!"

This caused everyone to silence, the only sound being heard was the cool evening wind blowing against the metal signs and fall leaves that littered the ground.

"I..I'm weak... and I'm pathetic... and-"

The next string of words were cut off when a pair of lips smashed against yours. They weren't angry, they weren't guilty, they were simple and welcoming. The feeling of his warm lips pressing against your own caused more tears to stream from your face as you gripped down on his hands tightly until the redhead moved away from you.

"You are not fucking weak, you hear me? You're not weak for being scared, or pathetic for not being able to do anything. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard!" Karma shouted with a frown as he looked at you with an intense gaze, "I got beaten because I was reckless and moved on instinct rather than thinking things through."

Inhaling sharply, you swallowed what saliva you forgot you had in your mouth and as your teeth clamped down on the inside of your lip to prevent more tears from spilling as your nails dug into Karma's hands.

"You were strong enough to fight back against those pigs and hold your ground even in a scary situation, so don't you dare say you're weak, do you understand me?" Karma questioned as he cupped your cheek and looked into your eyes, "I was never angry at you, I was angry at myself for letting you slip away. And now I'm going to promise you that I'm going to act more with a level head, so long as you promise to always tell me how you're feeling and to stop bottling up these feelings inside."

You couldn't help the feeling of your lips twitching, your eyes blinking to hold back any tears from escaping your exhausted eyes as you looked up to him. His eyes were stern yet soft, his thumb rubbing against the smooth skin of your palm as he gave your hands a light squeeze.

"Promise me Y/n?"

Smiling softly you let out a slight laugh, your head nodding quickly as more tears streamed down your face.

"I promise Karma."

Karma smiled at this, his palm brushing away some residing tears from your soft cheeks while pushing some of your unkempt hair behind your ear. Somehow even in your disheveled state, you looked so damn beautiful to him.

The two of you hadn't noticed each other leaning in until the sound of a pen clicking and a familiar voice cooing made you both back away.

“Star Crossed lovers reunited after being forcefully separated, I mean the story is just writing itself!” Korosensei cried, somehow having a box of tissues in one of his many tentacles.

At this you began to giggle along with the rest of your classmates, and though Karma put on an annoyed facade, he couldn’t stop the boyish grin from creeping upon his lips when your angelic smile filled his ears once more.

And just then as he caught a glimpse of your pretty smile laughing with the milky sunset rays beaming across your face, he knew one thing was for sure.

He would never let anything take you away from him, ever again.

next chapter

#karma akabane #karma #akabane #karma akabane x reader #karma akabane x you #karma x you #karma x reader #kunugigaoka #assasination classroom #long fic #angst

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