#last puppet standing au
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New AU? New AU! :3
Literally just got this idea from listening to FNAF songs. Oh well, doesn't matter tho. I love these goofballs, and canonically, every AU exists here! (Aside from problematic ones ofc...)
Feel free to post your silly alongside Wendell or Ghost Wally if you'd like!
#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#partycoffin#welcome home arg#welcome home fanart#wally darling#welcome home wally#welcome home wally darling#my art#welcome home au#last puppet standing#wendell darling#wally darling au#wally au#last puppet standing au
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Fic Snippets: Free Day Thursday
By way of poll, we're back to the Gremlinverse. Damas is now actively involving himself in The Haven Situation
Damas secured the cloth around his head, tightening it over his crown. Just because the Baron was dead, didn’t mean his supporters were. The council that ruled the day to day matters of the city still wanted their previous king dead, last Damas had heard. If they were to discover that not one but three members of the House of Mar lived, they'd be livid.
Securing the turban with a pin, Damas turned to pick up his scarf and froze.
The other Mar -- the one calling himself Jak -- stood in the doorway, watching him. Now that he'd been noticed, the little boy tensed up.
"Uh-"
That was all Damas managed to get out before the child bolted.
"No wait-!"
By the time he'd rounded the corner, Jak was nowhere to be seen. With no one there to witness, Damas didn’t mind letting his shoulders fall. Mar remembered him, Mar was safe and happy and alive. That was more than he could have hoped for already. But the way this second child flinched away from touch and wouldn't trust more than three people-
It ate away at him. It burrowed into Damas’s heart like a thorn and jabbed deeper with every mistrustful look Jak cast at the world around him.
Sig said this boy had been older before. Something to do with a Precursor -- what a week it had been if that wasn't the most unbelievable part of the sentence -- trying to undo some horrible thing Praxis had done to him. Something about a perversion of time and space: doubling a child and forcing him to grow up unnaturally quickly to become a soldier. Or, that was the gist of what Sig had picked up. It did explain a lot of the boy’s reactions. But to know that someone had done this evil thing to Mar -- even if it was not the same Mar he had delivered and cradled from birth -- filled Damas with a rage that threatened to undo all his efforts to present a non-threatening front.
Praxis was dead, and that was as great an injustice as what had befallen his son. Or sons, rather.
Yet the elder boy, the one Sig was so fond of, he said that he and Jak had been there to watch to life flicker out of Praxis's eyes. They'd stood there dispassionately, listened to his death rattle, and then moved on to dismantle his ultimate weapon, irreverently tossing pieces of it onto his corpse. There was a kind of vindication in that. It still stung that Damas could not have avenged his children himself, but at least Jak had been able to see his enemy brought low.
The sound of a muffled argument down the stairs drew Damas’s attention. He crept down the stairs, deftly avoiding the spots the children had already demonstrated to be creaky. As he drew closer to the back of the bar, Damas identified one of the irate voices as Jak’s.
"-suddenly I've outlived my usefulness, is that it?"
"Stop putting words in my mouth, Jak!"
That one sounded familiar. And irritating.
"You know better than anyone that destiny comes for us whether we're ready or not. But in your...current state...it is better for you to prepare to face that destiny. Leave the ridiculous dangers for when you get some power back."
Damas peered around the edge of the doorway and glimpsed Jak baring his teeth and a short, mossy green man with a hefty piece of wood in his hair.
"There it is. It's always about power, isn't it? Gotta make me a super-soldier again so you don't have to do your own work. I knew you hadn't just spontaneously grown a conscience," Jak said bitterly.
"That's the dark eco talking," the tree stump man said condescendingly. "I told you, you need to learn control, and discipline! But no, no one ever listens to old Samos. He's only-"
Jak interrupted him, scurrying to cut off his approach. "You come near the kid and I'll show you just how "controlled" the eco is. The Precursors erased all the experiments -- too bad for you -- and most of my impulse control."
He balled up his fists and took a ready stance.
"Hand to the Oracles, I will channel a fireball straight into your unmentionables if you say a word to Mar or Daxter."
Damas had heard enough. He stepped down out of the wide stairwell with a noticeable thump and squared his shoulders. As expected, both the two arguers and the girl at the bar flinched or twitched at his sudden appearance.
"Is there a problem here?" Damas asked calmly.
He looked around the mostly empty pub and frowned.
"Where's the gangly boy?"
"He left me behind!" Jak snapped, then retreated into a shadowed booth. To sulk, apparently.
The girl cringed. "There's...Commander Torn sent Daxter out to the North Agriculture sector to deal with some metalheads trying to nest down there. Jak was all ready to go, but they kept giving him the run around."
She aimed a skeptical frown at the little green man. "Samos was pretty insistent that Jak stay and train his channeling, but I'm pretty sure Jak is already an expert. He got shorter, not less skilled."
Damas rubbed his chin. "And Jak and Daxter...they are not often apart, are they?"
Samos made a rude noise. "That little weasel's been riding Jak’s coattails since they were sprouts. He's the sidekick."
"He's my brother!" Jak snarled, coming partway out of the booth.
"And he's a better man than you'll ever be!"
The girl tensed and leaned clenched fists on the bartop. "Mr. Hagai, I've just about had enough of your attitude. What is your deal, dude? I swear, you're physically incapable of seeing Daxter without becoming verbally abusive."
Samos rolled his eyes. How airheaded did this girl have to be to have been taken in by Daxter's wild stories? It didn't bode well for the protection and guidance of Jak's younger self while they scrambled to put the Time Map back together.
"When you're older, and maybe wiser, you'll understand why I have to be tough on them. I don't expect a bunch of kids to know what's best for them."
"Wow." The girl curled her lip at the sage. "Yikes."
"Don't bother with him, Tess," Jak grumbled from the booth. "Getting Samos to say something nice is like talking to a rock."
Damas filed the name away in his head and realized he'd gotten her mixed up with the other blonde that hung around the bar.
Tess was the teenager with the creative weapons, Jinx was the grown man. Not the other way around.
Tess turned towards the corner where Jak had sequestered himself. "Has he ever apologized for any of that?"
"Uh, no. That would require convincing him that he's wrong."
"Mm. That's about what I figured." Tess shook her head and leveled a dirty look at Samos. "Jak, lemme tell you something my mama told me when I was little: never trust an adult who refuses to apologize to a child."
"Oh for taproots' sakes. Daxter isn't a child!" Samos argued.
"He's seventeen!" Tess answered sharply, "And you guys sent him out there without his backup!"
Damas held up his hands as if holding both of them back. "Alright. I've heard enough. Hagai: leave."
Samos turned to squint up at him. "And you are...who, exactly?"
Damas raised an eyebrow in silence and waited for the crabby little man to connect the dots. He turned a gratifying shade of gray when the realization hit him, but Damas wasn't in the mood to answer any questions. He stepped around the bar and crossed the room in two great strides. Taking hold of the sputtering sage's arm, he continued on to the door. As it opened, he swung back his arm and in one fluid motion he flung Samos out onto the street.
"Out," he said firmly.
"I-! You-! I've- why I've never been so insulted!" Samos gasped.
"How lucky for you to have a new experience, then," Damas answered dryly. Then his face hardened.
"I don't know who you think you are, but your meddling is not welcome in my family. And you can tell that Guard commander and the Praxis girl the same thing."
He didn't wait for an answer.
Damas stepped back and keyed the door shut with a smack against the palm pad. Rotting sage. Hagai's grandfather hadn't been nearly so insufferable! Samos seemed to have the idea that he was the main character of some epic tale, somehow.
"Ugh. Thanks for that," sighed Tess. "Usually the old stump's daughter keeps him in line, but she's been busy putting together the fundraiser Reconstruction Race in Main Town. Not easy when you're no longer tall enough to reach your tool bench."
The girl massaged her temples. "Hand to the Oracles, I'm this close to making a rule that Samos can't be in here without a chaperone."
Damas took a seat at the bar and, on a whim, passed a small metalbug gem to her. She took it, smiled softly at the way it reflected the light, and slipped it into a drawer.
"Right, back to business. What can I get ya?"
"Not for me," Damas waved a hand. "Compensation for having to deal with that sort of person. And..."
He looked away.
"And as thanks. For having their backs."
He didn't specify who "they" were, but he didn't have to.
Tess’s face fell a little, and she propped her chin up on her hands. "This whole situation is making everyone act like they've lost their minds," she confessed. "Jak and I have run three different Council Guards out of here at gunpoint already, and I'm pretty sure my apartment is under surveillance."
"Why is there a Council at all? Aren't those Praxis supporters?"
Damas blinked, and suppressed a start upon realizing that Jak had crept out of the booth and was standing at the edge of the bar, scowling. He was only a few feet from Damas now, and Damas kept still. No point startling the boy back into the shadows again.
"Well, according to Torn, we can't just imprison the old regime and start over, or we're the same as Praxis," Tess answered. "Still, you'd think he'd do something to keep you and Mar out of the middle of the power struggles."
Jak scoffed. "You'd think. But this is the guy who sold Mar out when the Baron threatened Ashelin."
Tess went very still, just as Damas stiffened. A coldness flooded the girl's face, and she turned slowly to look at Jak.
"Torn did what?"
Jak gripped the counter edge tightly. "And Samos and Kor. Remember when Dax and me busted you guys out of prison? It was Torn’s fault."
For a long time, Tess didn't say anything. She kept an impressive rein on her facial expression, but Damas could see a wealth of pain in the girl's eyes. Anger, shock, horror and betrayal- all too familiar to the former king of Haven. Then she slumped and closed her eyes.
"After the kinds of things I've seen as a spy, I don't know why I'm still shocked," she said in a shaking voice. Wiping her eyes quickly, she cleared her throat. "Gods, maybe Sig was right, Jak. We should've just left when he offered us the out."
Jak slipped around the bar to lean against her in an awkward attempt at comfort. "We couldn't. We didn't have Mar back yet. Daxter says it's their fault, not ours."
"Yeah." Tess dropped an arm around Jak’s shoulder. "I guess."
"If Dax wasn't attached to this place, I'd say we should just go," Jak suggested. "Grab Mar, grab Chopper, and just go."
With a faint smile, Tess nudged him. "Maybe we can convince him to open a sister location somewhere that wasn't just overrun by metalheads. You know he only likes this building because we "inherited" all of Krew's booze and didn't have to actually buy the supplies."
Up to now, Jak had been giving Sig excuses for staying in the city -- some because he didn't trust Damas yet, others for Daxter's sake. This was the first indication he'd given in Damas’s presence that he wanted to leave Haven. If ever there was a chance to convince the boy to go to Spargus, this was it.
Damas stood and stretched his spine with a grunt.
"Alright then."
"Alright then?" Jak echoed, squinting at him warily.
The king shook out his arms. "Keep an eye on your little brother, will you? I shouldn't be gone more than two hours."
Jak wrinkled his nose and looked vaguely concerned. "Where are you going?"
"To retrieve Daxter," Damas replied. "If you truly wish to leave Haven, the middle of a regime change is a good time to do so. Especially if they're already trying to put you under surveillance."
Abruptly, the guarded look Jak had been wearing since his arrival faded. He looked unsure, suddenly.
"You're...gonna help him?"
Damas flashed a brief smile. "Considering he's been keeping up with you all these years, I'm sure he has the situation in hand. But another blade in the fight never hurts."
"Oh," said Jak quietly. He opened his mouth as if to say something else, then closed it again. He nodded sharply, and took a breath.
"Uh...watch your back out there."
"I will, son." Damas returned the nod. "I suggest locking up until I come back, if the place really is being watched. Don't let anyone in."
"Good plan." Tess let go of Jak and fished a keycard out from under the bar. "I'll lock up and we'll post watch in the stairwell. Jak, you go get Pow-Pow out of my gun safe."
"I don't need the smaller gun!" Jak protested.
"It's for me, doofus!" Tess retorted, "You think I'm letting you or Mar put your grubby hands on my custom baby?"
"Oh. Nevermind." Sheepishly, Jak took the keycard and darted up the stairs.
Tess looked back at Damas. "You're really going to get all of us out?" She folded her arms. "Or just the boys?"
"Sig might shoot me if I leave you behind," Damas joked dryly. "If he offered you a way out, it means he's sponsoring you for citizenship."
Growing serious again, he added, "Call me if anyone tries to get in."
"I'd worry more about Jak getting out."
"Well," Damas sighed, "at least that hasn't changed since he was little.
#Jak and Daxter#gremlinverse au#fic prompts#writing prompts#jak and daxter mar#dadmas#king damas#jnd tess#jak and daxter tess#samos hagai#does it count as samos bashing if it's stuff he did in canon?#in this house we side-eye Samos#Dax has the same fighting moves as Jak in the games. he's just not used to some of the monsters being smaller than him.#Veger and the Council really want to get their hands on Jak and Mar for Puppet King and Eco purposes#Tess was planning a last stand and Jak was planning a Boxcar Children style escape#Mar is oblivious to the angst. He's busy teaching the dog tricks.#Damas: if my scientifically duplicated son has a sworn brother do i have custody of all three or just two?#Phobos: you want to run that one by me again??#free day thursday#snippet thursday#added Keira to Gremlin Squad solely because Samos’s conniption fit would be hilarious
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TWIN RUNES MASTERPOST
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 -15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 21-1 - 21-2 - 21-3 - 22 - 23 -24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 31 - 32 - 33 - 34 - 35 - 36 - 36-1 - 37 - 38 - 39 - 40 - 41 - 42 - 43 - 44 - 45 - 46 - 47 - 48 - 49 - 50 - 51 - 52 - 53 - 54 - 55 - 56 - 57
To be continued...
TWIN RUNES MINI COMICS
Glasses - Fallen down - First steps - Press [C] - Frisk Dance -
But nobody came - Whatstheirface - An acquired taste - Eye opening
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TWIN RUNES - FAQ
What exactly is this AU about?
Twin Runes is essentially a comedic crossover AU between the universes of Deltarune and Undertale. No fancy nicnacs. Just the characters being their chaotic selves. But there might be some darkness lurking up ahead...
When is the next comic?
The comic updates most Sundays at 6:30 PM Central European Time.
Why is this AU called Twin Runes?
The name is more or less a play on the typical naming format of most AU's by featuring the "Runes" part. There are no literal Twin Runes. The whole name is more of a stand in for Undertale and Deltarune as parallel worlds. Hence the "Twin" part.
When does Twin Runes take place?
This AU takes place between a hypothetical Chapter 3 and Chapter 4 of Deltarune. On the Undertale side of things, it takes place post neutral route just as Frisk was about to deliver Undyne's letter to Alphys.
Is the player a thing in this AU?
The player lost control over both human children as soon as Frisk entered the world of Deltarune.
When Chapter 3 and 4 are released, will it affect the story?
Any chapters after Chapter 3 won't affect the story in the grand scheme of things. If possible, I might make a reference to Chapter 3, but all in all Twin Runes created a new timeline so to speak.
What's up with Kris' and Frisk's hair?
The red bits of their hair is more or less a representation of their souls. That in turn is also why Chara doesn't have that feature. They are soulless. It's a stylistic choice.
What's that thing on Kris' chest?
It's a scar they got from tearing out their soul.
And why do they have weird lines all over their body?
Both Kris and Frisk's anatomy resemble that of ball-jointed dolls. They appear just as markings across their bodies. Think of them as elaborate birthmarks. Kris and Frisk are still made of flesh and blood, but are in fact hypermobile. The reason as to why they do is still a little secret :)
People here like to refer to these markings as "puppet limbs".
You can get a better look at them and the scar in this artwork
Why does Kris have braces?
This is why:
Why is Dark World Frisk green?
Frisk changes their main sweater colors with Kris when they enter the Dark World.
Can other ghosts see Chara? (pre Darkner transformation)
No, only Frisk and Kris are able to see Chara.
IS KRIS NOW FRISK'S COUNTERPART OR CHARA'S????
:)
So, was Chara in the locket all along?
No, Chara possessed the locket to become a Darkner.
Where are Jevil and Spamton? Are they in Castle Town?
The Fun Gang have already fought these two in the previous chapters and added them into their inventory. Outside of that little dream sequence, neither will be making an appearance.
Is anyone from Undertale Yellow gonna make an apperance?
Outside of a tiny cameo from Clover (that has no greater bearing on the story) no one from Undertale Yellow is going to make an appearance.
Is (insert character here) gonna go to the Dark World/underground?
With the way the story is going to play out, only the main group will be heading to this new Dark World. The rest of the story will be taking place there.
Is the Group Project miniseries canon to Twin Runes?
It was made before Twin Runes was conceived and before I had any idea I would make a series. It is it's own self-contained story.
So it is NOT canon to Twin Runes, but You can read it here:
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6
How did you come up with the idea of Twin Runes?
Twin Runes is an offshoot of a separate script I wrote. It's a similar concept but turned on its head. The funny moments in that script made me just continue what now is the start of Twin Runes. I pretty much just wanted to see if I am actually capable of drawing a comic to begin with. So... in a way Twin Runes is my first attempt at a comic ever. If I ever finish Twin Runes, then I know I can tackle turning that mammoth project of a script into a comic too.
In the grand scheme of things these two projects are sister series. They have A LOT in common and even share similar plot elements. When Twin Runes is over you will automatically also know certain mysteries of The Other Script.
What is The Other Script?
As of this moment I call The Other Script: "Lost in the In-Between". At its core it's an inverse of Twin Runes. I.e. Kris falling into the underground and being aided by Frisk on their quest to return home. The story and jokes are a considerably more grounded than in Twin Runes and so are the characters. Though they do have their moments from time to time. The overall mood of that script is a lot darker in nature and it's a 200+ page passion project of mine.
Am I allowed to make fanart?
ABSOLUTELY! You are very welcome to make fanart if you feel like it. Please let me know if you do by tagging me, so I can share it with everyone to see so that you get the appreciation you deserve :)
Can I use the funny faces you draw for memes or for private stuff with friends?
That's what they're here for :)
Is there x ship in this comic?
The focus of the story is not on shipping. If it's in the game it will very likely be mentioned or brought up, but that's about it.
What pronouns do you go with for the human children?
I try to stick as close as possible to the games so I use THEY/THEM FOR ALL OF THEM WITHOUT ANY EXCEPTIONS.
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ABOUT ASKS
Asks will open for 24 hours after a new comic has been released. Your questions will then be answered over the course of the week.
Try not to submit multiple asks. If necessary, just keep everything in one post.
Keep in mind that I receive AL LOT of asks, so not every question can be answered...
Questions containing spoilers will not be answered on principle. Wouldn't be as fun if the surprise was ruined, right?
Before leaving an ask (mostly for everyone who's new), please make sure to read the FAQ section above. A lot of times your question might have been answered already :>
I love memes and dumb jokes as much as the next guy, but try not to spam
It probably goes without saying, but please stay civil. I want to give everyone the respect they deserve, and naturally like to be treated the same way.
Please be mindful about drawing requests. It is understandable if you're eager to see a certain character drawn in my style, but I do not like to be bombarded by requests. The more it happens, the less likely I am to do it. Be kind and ask nicely.
Don't use other people's posts that I reblogged to ask me questions! It has happened before and I do not wish to see this!
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REFERENCE SHEETS
The following are ref sheets of characters that don't have established Dark World forms yet (as of writing this comic). The list will be updated as soon as a new character enters the Dark World.
Here you will also find references of characters that might appear as surprise cameos, or maybe even completely new faces...
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FULL ART
#twin runes#twin runes masterpost#masterpost#deltarune comic#comic#deltarune au#crossover#undertale#my art#FAQ#frequently asked questions#important#please read#deltarune
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Puppet
Summary: You didn't want to kill Lawrence. You didn't want to kill anyone! You didn't even want to be in this situation in this stupid house! When Ren hands you the knife and tells you to kill Lawrence, you intend to do nothing, to beg him to not make you do it. But Strade has other plans. (AU where MC/reader can see Strade as a ghost (even though it's not talked about in this)).
A/N: based off an AU i want to write where ren still kidnaps MC/reader and forces them to be with him but MC/reader can see strade's ghost after finding his body in the basement. enjoy! ٩꒰ ˘ ³˘꒱۶~♡
“I want us to share something really special.”
Ren’s voice faded out as you stared at the knife that he handed you. It was silent in the room, only the sounds of breathing could be heard. You don’t know whose you heard the most; Ren’s slightly fast breath from what you would assume was excitement, Lawrence’s muffled breathing that was full of panic, or your own breathing. Despite it being so quiet, your ears started ringing. The silence was deafening.
You glanced at Lawrence, his eyes watching you as tears gathered in his eyes. It’s crazy to think that this was the same guy you met in the pub a week ago. Yeah, he might have chased you down the street after you left but you never thought that either of you would end up in this situation. Had you known, you would have stayed home to relax instead of going out to that stupid pub.
Ren’s tail caught your eye, pulling your gaze from Lawrence’s horrified one. It moved slowly, moving from side to side before placing itself on Lawrence’s hip. As if it was waiting in anticipation like its owner.
You looked at the knife once more, your reflection staring back at you. Despite sleeping well since you’ve been with Ren, you looked tired. What was standing behind you in the reflection should have made you gasp and drop the knife in shock. Or rather, who was standing behind you. Especially considering you had just seen his body in the basement’s freezer last week.
Strade, as you unfortunately learned his name is (was?), stood mere inches from you. The hair on your arms stood as you felt his breathing on your neck (do ghosts even need to breathe?), making him feel as real as the other people in the room.
“Do it.” Strade’s voice sounded as if it came from inside your own head. There was a look in his eyes that was different from the one in Ren’s. This one was more intense. Hungrier.
“You… want me to hurt him?” You don’t know if you were speaking to Ren or Strade.
Ren flashed you a fanged smile again, “Hurt him.”
Strade stepped closer to you, his chest almost flush with your back, “Cut him.” His voice was rougher, almost as if he was growling.
“Make him bleed... cry…” Ren glanced at Lawrence before looking back at you.
Strade’s hands ran down your arms, “Cut deep enough to…”
“Kill him.”
Their voices mixed together into one, their hunger and anticipation for what was to come causing you to shake. You held Ren’s gaze for a few seconds before looking at your hands as Strade’s own engulfed them. You noticed how rough his hands were. Probably had something to do with what he did in the basement. He’s told you some stories as he began following you around the house. You hated being the only one that could see him and he knew it.
“Go ahead, Liebling,” You shuddered as he spoke right by your ear. His hands tightened around yours as he continued to whisper persuading words to you. If his hands weren’t holding yours, you would be shaking worse than before.
You didn’t realize that Strade was making you walk forward until you stood in front of Lawrence. His eyes- so blue now that you actually had a chance to look at them, to focus on them to distract yourself from the terrible situation you were in- stared up at you, tears threatening to fall as he attempted to form words behind his gag to plead with you. Your breathing quickened as Strade maneuvered the knife into one of your hands and, still holding yours in his, moved your hand with the knife to your side.
“Please don’t make me…” Your voice was barely above a whisper, tears you didn’t know you were holding back falling down your cheeks. You heard and felt the chuckle that Strade gave you.
“Oh, you don’t have a choice.” His grip on your hand tightened, making you wince.
You turned your attention to Ren, “Ren… I’ll do anything else… Just please don’t make me hurt anyone…” Voice wavering, you hoped that he would change his mind before you did something that you regret, whether the actions were your own or not.
His gaze softened, “Just don’t have the stomach for it, do you?”
Before you could finish shaking your head in response, Strade had moved you closer to Lawrence, the knife aiming for his arm as he intended to make this drag out as slowly as possible. Wanting this all to end, you focused all your strength in your arm and swiped it to the side forcefully, surprising Strade and causing him to lose the control he had over you. You were relieved to no longer be his puppet, but your relief was short-lived when you noticed blood spreading down Lawrence’s chest. You gasped and found the blood pouring from the cut on across his neck. In your attempt to regain control, you were too close to Lawrence.
More tears streamed down your face as Strade began laughing, at you or the display in front of you, you were unsure.
You dropped the knife and fell to your knees as you watched Lawrence stop moving. His blood dripped on the floor beneath him, the steady sound of it flooding your ears as Strade’s laughing calmed down.
You killed someone. You killed Lawrence.
You looked at your hands, blood splattered on the hand you held the knife in. You were shaking again.
Ren’s arms snaking around your waist pulled you from your thoughts. You didn’t even realize he had moved from Lawrence’s side. “You sure surprised me! I thought you weren’t going to do it.” He pulled you closer to him, his breath fanning your neck like Strade’s had, “I knew we’d get along.” You could hear the smile in his voice.
“We are going to get along just fine,” You felt Strade’s hand on your head, stroking your hair in either an attempt to comfort you or to antagonize you. You don’t know which one you preferred at this point. “Just fine.”
You sobbed harder at his words, hands coming up to cover your face. You should have stayed home instead of going out to that stupid pub.
#boyfriend to death#btd#btd x reader#ghost strade au#btd strade#btd ren#ren hana#ren hana x reader#strade x reader#(kind of implied kind of not can be read either way tbh)
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" Farewell, Frank "
Corpse Puppet AU by @sketchquill
Idea: Frank and Eddie have been happily married for years with nothing separating them. That was, until Frank suddenly became very ill. Doctors all over town have tried everything from different medicines to different treatments, but alas, nothing has worked. So little time is left for Frank, but Eddie isn't ready to say goodbye. Unfortunately, there's no choice.
Reminders: I will warn you now, this fic will have heavy topics such as death and illness. There is very little comfort. While canon to the Corpse Puppet AU, I am still warning you as this can be triggering to some people. Read with caution!!
I am still not associated with Clown or any of his friends, nor their work. This is purely for fun and entertainment purposes. Nothing in here belongs to me except the writing itself.
Now suffer >:))
♡--------------♡
This. Can not be happening.
Everything was going so well.
Why did it have to fall apart so soon?
Eddie stood outside of Frank's room, pacing around in circles as the poor man was overthinking. He couldn't help it. His husband was so sick, they could barely walk. It killed Eddie inside, knowing that there was nothing he could do for them. That's what hurt the most. He couldn't do anything.
A doctor steps out of the room with a saddened look. Upon entering, Eddie perked up, but quickly frowned upon seeing the doctor's expression.
"So, how is he?"
They stood silent.
"..Doc, how's my Frank?"
It looked as if they were trying to find the right words to break the unbearable news. Eddie couldn't stand it. He opened his mouth to speak, but the doc finally spoke up with sadness in their voice. This wasn't good.
"Mr. Dear, your husband hasn't been responding to the treatment."
"What..?"
No. No.. no no no. This can't be happening. Please tell him that this was not real.
The doctor sighed. They glanced over at the clipboard in their left arm.
"We've tried everything we know. Various medicines and treatments, but there's no significant improvement. Frank has only gotten worse."
...
Eddie's eyes began to flood with tears. He was on the verge of crying. The answer was obvious, but he couldn't help but ask.
"Is my Frank going to be okay..?"
...
Eddie's heart shattered in a million pieces when the doctor slowly shook their head.
"..I'm sorry, Mr. Dear, but they won't be making it."
Not a moment later, a quiet sob was heard from Eddie. He covered his face and broke down. He was losing his Frank, his husband. It didn't feel real, yet the pain was there. It was unbearable. How could anyone bear this much pain?
"Please, let me see them. Please.."
Eddie barely managed to get the words out in-between his sobs.
It would be cruel to deny someone to see their loved one.
The doc knew Frank's condition, but couldn't say no to Eddie. They allowed him in.
Eddie quietly walked in the room. He tried so hard to control his crying. He wiped away his tears as he strolled by Frank's bedside. He took a seat that was near the bed.
Being so close to a dying loved one felt like a blessing and a curse. To see them in their last moments, to later see them get buried. Eddie was not looking forward to.. burying his husband.
Just the thought of it brought him back to tears.
Frank slowly turned their gaze to Eddie. They were barely able to keep their eyes open. But they smiled. They smiled at Eddie. Frank was usually grumpy, but they smiled for him.
"Hey, Eddie.." They spoke in a hushed whisper. Eddie could tell that they were exhausted. Exhausted from death itself, exhausted from trying so many medicines and treatments.
"Hey, pumpkin.."
Frank quietly chuckled, a soft pink coloring their face. Their smile only grew.
"Heh, I told you to not call me that."
Eddie chuckled.
"But why? It's cute, just like you."
"Alright, Alright."
Frank playfully rolled their eyes, Eddie couldn't help but snicker.
Eddie glanced further at Eddie. His smile was short lived, as he slowly frowned in sadness. Was this really it? For them?
As if Frank was going to allow him to be sad, not in front of them.
They were so tired, but they mustered up the energy to raise their arm and gently place their hand on Eddie's cheek. Eddie's face turned a soft pink at the contact, but smiled.
He smiled. He placed his hand over on Frank's.
"Turn that frown upside down, dear. I'll be fine."
"But you're not."
Eddie's tears ran down his face like a waterfall. He couldn't help it. He didn't want to say goodbye.
"..Frank, sweetheart, you're-"
"I know."
Frank frowned a bit. For the first time, Eddie saw Frank tear up. A few tears rolled down their cheeks.
"I'm heartbroken, too. I don't want to leave you, either."
They stood silent for a moment.
"..As much as it sucks, at least I get to see your handsome face."
Eddie smiled slightly at the compliment. It made him happy, at least for that small bit.
"I love you, Frank."
"I love you too, Eddie."
...
They stood quiet for a little bit, just enjoying each other's company. It was nice.
It got harder for Frank to stay awake. As much as they didn't want to let go, Eddie knew they were tired. He allowed them to take their arm back. Frank let out a shaky sigh, closing their eyes for a moment.
"God, I'm so tired.." They mumbled. They felt breathless.
Eddie felt bad. As much as he wanted to spend more time with Frank, he didn't want to force them to stay awake. He stood up from the chair and knelt down next to the bedside. Eddie carefully brushed his fingers through Frank's dark hair. They quietly hummed with a small smile.
"Please, sweetheart. Get some rest. You deserve it."
Frank looked over at Eddie. They couldn't help but tear up.
"Will you.. be okay with me resting?"
Eddie slowly nodded.
"Of course.. you look so tired, it's worrying me."
Frank opened their mouth to speak, but Eddie continued to speak.
"Don't worry about me, I'll be okay. I just want you to get your much deserved rest."
...
"..Thank you, dear.."
Frank's voice became quiet.
They reached over and took Eddie's hand, gently squeezing it. Eddie reciprocated the action.
"I love you.. Eddie.."
"I love you too, Frank."
Eddie leaned in and gave a soft kiss on Frank's forehead. They smiled.
They slowly closed their eyes, letting out another shaky sigh.
Within a moment, Frank was out. They immediately fell asleep. The gentle grip they had on Eddie's hand went away, but he stood there. He kept their hand held, not wanting to let go. He never wanted to let go.
So, Eddie stayed by Frank's side. He made sure to never leave them.
He loved them.
Perhaps when Frank wakes up, they'll feel a little bit refreshed.
Eddie and Frank can see each other a little longer.
Maybe when Frank wakes up, they'll be all better, as if the sickness never happened. Eddie will be relieved and they'll live happily ever after.
If Frank wakes up, they'll maybe start accepting 'pumpkin' as their nickname.
...
. . .
But Frank never woke up.
They tried.
They tried so hard to fight the sickness.
But eventually, their body just couldn't do it.
...
"Hey, Frank.."
Eddie stood by near Frank's grave. Flowers surrounding it with cards and teddy bears. Eddie held a bouquet of flowers, purple and blue.
He knelt down, placing the bouquet of flowers upright on the grave. Tears flooded his eyes, but he held a smile.
"It's been a while since I've seen your face. I wish I could hold you, right now."
He stood quiet for a bit.
"..It's been hard without you, you know that? Wherever you are, I just hope you're resting in peace."
Eddie broke into a sob. He felt so lonely without his husband.
"I miss you so much, sweetheart.. Why'd you have to go?"
There was no one around to comfort him. Eddie was left alone with his own puddle of tears.
If Frank was there, they'd be comforting him.
..But that's the thing.
They weren't there, anymore.
♡--------------♡
I'm bawling my eyes out right now from writing this. If you read this and are crying like me, allow me to give you a hug 🫂
#corpse puppet au#welcome home#frank frankly#eddie dear#eddie welcome home#frank welcome home#eddie dear x frank frankly#angst
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·:*¨༺ ❝ 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖 (𝐈𝐈) ❞
with your auto workshop at risk of closing down, your best friend offers to introduce you to people who are definitely in need of your high quality services: underground street racers of blue lock, whose obsessions are winning the races. however, your arrival at the track makes them think otherwise.
✧ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠. yukimiya kenyu, otoya eita, karasu tabito, shidou ryusei, itoshi rin, itoshi sae, oliver aiku, alexis ness, & michael kaiser x gn!reader
✧ 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭. headcanon (written) ; 1.1k
✧ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞. e2l au, f2l au, street racer au ; fluff
✧ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬. allusions to violence (shidou & rin)
✧ 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚. here’s the second part containing characters who are more egoistic than the last batch… nah, that’s debatable lol. did i actually spend the entire day working on this? yes, i was a roll; love it here. anyways, my other fave, yukki, is here! i didn’t mention it last time: this au was originally written for another fandom years ago, moved to genshin but that didn’t happen, and then here! egoistic soccer boys as street racers? yes, please.
[ 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖 (𝐈) ]
𝐲𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐲𝐮. the model. he’s a member of the neo egoists and is ranked fifth of the top six racers in blue lock. his charm is the focal point of his character, driving the audience nuts. curious by nature, he wonders what important qualities you possess other than being “kira ryosuke’s date”. he also wonders how you managed to get the likes of barou, who treats everyone like trash, and nagi, who thinks of only going home, wrapped around your finger. seeing you teach nagi about car anatomy gives him the chance to introduce himself. he thinks there’s something special about you, which he intends to find out, but a teammate of his believes so otherwise.
𝐨𝐭𝐨𝐲𝐚 𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐚. the ninja. he’s a member of the neo egoists and is ranked fourth of the top six racers in blue lock. he claims to be not like his fellow racers and teammates and prefers to operate in the shadows. unlike them, he doesn’t see you as an angel who was sent by god in the form of a mechanic to fix their cars. he fails to see why they’re smitten by you, therefore not interested in interacting with you at all. that turns out to be a lie when yukki gives you a tour of the turf of the neo egoists. it’ll be rude not to make you feel welcome, so he wants to give you a chance. a crow-themed racer laughs at him for fooling himself that he doesn’t find you attractive one bit.
𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐮 𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐨. the assassin. he’s a member of the neo egoists and is ranked third of the top six racers in blue lock. all about good vibes and having a good time, he doesn’t want his team to act “mediocre” around you. most newcomers are notorious for never setting foot in this place again. he’s so relieved to hear that you came at your own volition thanks to ryosuke’s persuasion, and everyone you’ve met is nice to you… sans certain others, so he doesn’t need to worry about making an impromptu spiel of why blue lock, aka his team dare you add, is great. if you think he’s too friendly for your taste, let’s see if the next guy who’s stalking you right now takes the top of your list.
𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐲𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐢. the joker. he’s ranked second of the top six racers in blue lock. unrestrained both in words and action, he goes about his day and does everything as he pleases. judging by how karasu and the rest of the neo egoists are quick to stand either by or in front of you, he’s bad news. the altercation got team z’s attention, especially kunigami who he has massive beef with. you being “ryosuke’s date” doesn’t phase him, nor your best friend going for his head for being near you. ever since the older itoshi brother joined forces with u20 and chose him to be at this side, he’s been “behaving”. the younger itoshi brother isn’t amused, as if he didn’t break his nose last race .
𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐫𝐢𝐧. the puppeteer. he’s the unofficial leader of the neo egoists and is ranked first of the top six racers in blue lock. the youngest of the itoshi brothers, has a score to settle with his older brother, sae, who’s participating in the upcoming race as a member of u20 along with his personal choice shidou. it’s already bad enough for racers to use physical violence to settle arguments, but it’s even worse for him to be involved in another fight with shidou, especially before a race that determines his fate and prove to sae that he’s the best of the best. he doesn’t spare a glance at you or ask if you’re alright, as sae walks into the neo egoists’ garage to check out the commotion.
𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐬𝐚𝐞. the prodigy. he’s one of the new generation world 11, the best eleven racers in the streets and a member of royale. as he’ll be the only one representing his team in the upcoming race, he joined forces with u20 since they’re short by two members and personally chose shidou to fill in the other spot. even if it’s not obvious at face value, everyone can tell there’s bad blood between the brothers by the intense atmosphere created from their staring contest. sighing, he breaks contact first to search where you are, then looks at rin to scoff at his lack of concern for you when shidou approaches you. in the distance, claps are heard from a man with “u20” on his jacket.
𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐮. the player. he’s the captain of u20, the name of the team you’ve heard from literally everyone who won’t shut up about them for the past several hours. he’s highly respected among his team for his patience; dealing with sae and shidou, the most difficult people to work with on earth, is like a drive around the neighborhood. he intrudes with a reminder that the streets don’t approve of violence and that they’re going to race soon. in addition, a blue lock racer by the name of kira ryosuke has a special guest and they should be on their best behavior. yet he’s a hypocrite, flirting with you in front of his current date and promising you an autograph when he wins.
𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬. the magician. he’s the mechanic of bastard münchen. he understands your position as the center of attention, claiming to be just like you — having a partner for an adrenaline junkie and being the “fixer” to clean up your mess. he invites you to see his partner’s car at the special garage as he’s on his way their to fix its engine, to which you happily accept as there’s finally someone with the same job who you can geek about car anatomy and share techniques. the way he repairs the engine is like clockwork, fluid and in tempo. he really is on a different level. you hear a chuckle behind you, asking if you’re fascinated by his work.
𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐞𝐥 𝐤𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐫. the thorn. he’s one of the new generation world 11, the best eleven racers in the streets and one of the major forces of bastard münchen. he puts in so much faith and trust in his partner, ness, the “fixer” of his messes. also known as “blue rose” in his turf, he’s shrouded in mystery and seems like the type who can turn the impossible to infinite possibilities. but in reality, he’s a pain in the ass. within minutes of your encounter, he keeps bragging about his abilities and declaring that his victory will lead to the disbandment of blue lock, so they won’t get in his way of his career. the race’s up, and you’re hoping that a blue lock racer wins to shut his mouth.
✧ 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬. if your url is in bold, that means i can’t tag you!
@2018-01-20 ; @astranne ; @kamiiyaka ; @keqism ; @lilikags ; @thetruepair ; @wanderersbell ; @venexus
#✦ .fics#blue lock#blue lock x reader#yukimiya x reader#otoya x reader#karasu x reader#shidou x reader#rin x reader#sae x reader#aiku x reader#ness x reader#kaiser x reader#yukimiya kenyu#otoya eita#karasu tabito#shidou ryusei#itoshi rin#itoshi sae#oliver aiku#alexis ness#michael kaiser#blue lock headcanons#blue lock fluff
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Falling
Pairing: Eren Jaeger X Female Reader
Genre: College Boyfriend AU, Smut, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Summary: In the absence of your warmth, Eren Jaeger begins to reminisce the loving memories he’s shared with you in the past three years, regretting how your first fight turned into something that ended it all.
Lyrics are taken from this beautiful song: Harry Style’s Falling.
Warnings: unprotected sex, oral sex, alcohol consumption, swearing
Word Count: 15k+
Poster Art by @_sonagee on Twitter
I’m in my bed
And you’re not here
The small, barely prominent crack on the ceiling of his bedroom has always gone unnoticeable. It stands only as a silent witness of the meeting between a pair of plump lips to redder ones, the breathless sounds of frantic moans, and the sacred exchange of loving words. But not tonight. Tonight, as he lays on his bed, sheets all crumpled but with the absence of your warmth, Eren notices everything.
He notices how quiet his room—his entire apartment—feels when it’s only the sound of his own soft breathing that fills the air. His black shirt is fully unbuttoned, his skin a golden canvas missing your marks. The tattoos that painted his rib cages are no longer coated by the shade of your lipstick.
His pillow, no longer smelling like your favorite shampoo, is covered by his long chestnut hair, now all tousled and unkempt. He misses the way you threaded your fingers through them, the way you lulled him to sleep with your little hum, his head a comforting weight on your lap. The walls, the carpet, the bedsheets, the framed photographs that remind him of the joy that used to bloom on his face—everything feels monochromatic. Empty. Shallow. Because ever since you walked out of his life, you’ve taken all the colors with you, leaving him solely in black and white.
And now, Eren doesn’t know what to do anymore. Or to feel. He’s a puppet missing his puppeteer.
And there’s no one to blame
But the drink in my wandering hands
With the bitter taste of vodka sitting on his tongue, he closes his eyes, allowing himself to remember but not forgive the words he once said to you.
With your name echoing through the labyrinth of his mind, regret starts to suffocate him at once.
Forget what I said
It’s not what I meant
And I can’t take it back
I can’t unpack the baggage you left
What hurts from a break-up is not the parting of two hearts, but the memories that had been drawn deep within them. It’s not the kiss that he misses, it’s the taste of your lips—the faint scent of cherry that sits pale in comparison to your natural flavor. It’s the way they move against his own, timid at first then consuming all at once. And how there will be no other girl that will taste the same, feel the same, or be able to draw out the same kind of feelings from him.
It’s funny, Eren thinks, how he can only see your smile behind his closed eyelids these days, but he doesn’t find himself laughing. He can’t even remember the last time he found a reason to smile, now that you’re gone.
The moon was hiding behind thick clouds, he remembers, that night when fate walked in and introduced you to one another.
***
Eren’s eyes were glued to the silver screen, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he witnessed the battle between the villain and the protagonist grow deadly. It had been a while since he last saw a movie in a theater, and the experience was certainly different. The thrill of it soon perished, however, when the sweet scent of your shampoo fleeted through his nose.
Your head was falling onto his shoulder as you waned into slumber. Unbeknownst to you, you had been leaning your weight entirely to a stranger whose bergamot perfume compelled you to focus on anything besides the movie. It was as pleasant as it was distracting. But after being sleep-deprived for three days, exhaustion finally took over and you fell asleep so deeply that you didn’t even have the strength to dream.
Your weight on his body was unfamiliar but it wasn’t uncomfortable for twenty-year-old Eren Jaeger. As he took a glance at your face, it wasn’t your beauty that kept him frozen. It was how peaceful you looked, almost like an enervated child curling up after spending her time chasing butterflies on the field.
Eren shifted carefully on his seat, attempting his best to give you comfort by providing more space for you to lean your weight on. Then he stayed still, his lips bowed and his smile never faltered away. The movie was long forgotten. He didn’t spare a glance at the screen even when people were gasping at the sight of the protagonist dying in his lover’s arms. He felt intrigued by the thought of your name, wondering whether it would sound as nice as the soft breathing that flowed past your lips.
When the credits rolled, Eren told Armin and Jean in hushed whispers to leave without him, throwing icy glares at them when they grinned devilishly at the sight of you sleeping on his shoulder. He went as far as kicking Jean on the shin when his voice rose too loudly, afraid that he’d wake you up, which made the other man complain because certainly, the background music was louder than anything else in the room. Nevertheless, you were still deep in your sleep.
Eren begged for more time when one of the concessions workers asked him to leave. Refused and left with no other solution, he sighed and turned his head toward you.
“Hey,” he murmured, his heart palpitating in anticipation of finally hearing your voice. “Sorry, but uhh… We need to go.”
His voice was foreign to your ears but it was so deep, so soothing, almost like a lullaby, that you snuggled closer, wanting nothing more than to listen to it forever. It took Eren three times more with his cheeks reddening to call upon you until you finally found the power to detach yourself from your stupor.
“Hey there.” A boy—a beautiful boy—with glowing, sun-kissed skin and a pair of sharp green, enticing eyes with a gaze intense enough to kiss your skin with fire, greeted you as you blinked yourself awake. His voice was as deep as the ocean, as sweet as honey. His hair was tied up in a messy bun, making him seem juvenile, matching the little twinkle in his eyes. He beamed at you with a smile so warm that it nearly melted your heart, and you decided ah, I don’t ever want to wake up from this dream.
It was when the usher popped into your vision, stating, “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but we’re closing,” that you internally screamed oh God, no, this isn’t a dream, what have I done?
“So that’s what he said.” Eren’s smile was sheepish with a hint of teasing, and your heart moved on its own, yearning for him to display you another one. “But if you still have time to spare, we can go get some coffee or something. I can fill you in on the details.”
“D-details?” Your voice was hoarse from sleep, embarrassingly so. “About what?”
“About the movie you just missed.” The grin he showcased grew wider and this time, it was so utterly mischievous that you had to break your gaze before heat rushed to your face. “The fact that you’re here watching a movie by yourself must mean you’re interested to see how the trilogy ends. I can help you with that.”
“Umm—” You rummaged your purse, pretending like you were searching for something when it was only a poor excuse for you to not be captivated by his eyes longer than you already were. “It’s fine, I can look it up online.”
“But then what should I do with this?” He brought his right hand in the air, pursing his lips. “My arm’s falling asleep. Shouldn’t you take responsibility for it?”
The horrified look on your face made him laugh, and his laughter became the reason why you decided to throw all common sense away and just went with what felt right. “I-I’ll pay for the coffee.”
“Well, then, I’ll make sure to go somewhere expensive.” He threw a wink before he rose to his feet, offering you a hand to help you stand from your seat. “I’m Eren, by the way.” When your skin met, his palm was scorching against your icy one. You told him your name, stammering as you did it and he chuckled.
You turned flustered. “W-why are you laughing?”
You’re just so cute, he thought. “Nothing. I just thought your name fit you so well.”
You frowned, not sure if you should take it as a compliment but Eren didn’t give you much time to think. “Umm…” He tarries, looking down to see the way you’re still clutching onto his hand. You were too enticed by his charm, too comfortable with his warmth that you failed to notice anything else.
You followed his gaze, panicking before you released your hold. “I’m sorry, I–”
But he retrieved it again, gripping it tighter than before. “I don’t mind,” he grinned. “It’s too dark to see and I don’t want you to fall down the stairs. But you’re gonna have to treat me to some bagels too. I don’t do this for free.”
Your jaw dropped but you could only follow after him without a word, your body being tugged forward as he led the way.
You had expected that he would let go once you were out of the theater, knowing how weird it was for strangers to hold hands as lovers do. But when he did, you were still left surprised, not because of his action but the way your heart shriveled in disappointment at the absence of his warmth.
You didn’t realize that you wanted him to hold it longer.
***
Awkward conversations made you anxious but they died before you could finish your coffee. Like a phoenix, they were reborn into something that was supposed to only be shared between friends instead of strangers. With Eren, everything felt so natural, you didn’t even find the will to question it. Stories after stories, you talked to him like he was the most interesting book you’d ever read. His affable, carefree attitude was almost inspiring, breaking through your facade as easy as counting his fingers.
“So, how come you went to the movies by yourself?” Eren asked, his coffee long abandoned on the table as he was more drawn to you and the little smile you retained on your lips. “Boyfriend too busy to come along?”
A bit embarrassed, you brought your head down, hiding your eyes behind your fringe. “I don’t… have a boyfriend.”
Eren raised an eyebrow, lying his chin on his palm as he rested his elbow on the table. The way he stared at you made your stomach flip, and he reciprocated with nothing but a hum, tapping a finger to his cheek. His tiny smile held a thousand meanings.
You hurriedly took a sip of your coffee. “I, uh, I had some free time today and it’s my favorite movie franchise so I just had to see how it ended. But all my friends have seen it, so…”
“They didn’t invite you?”
“They did. I was just busy with work.”
His voice dropped an octave lower. “And they didn’t wait for you.”
“It’s—” Your chest tightened. “It’s fine, really. I mean, it would only make me feel bad if they waited for me. My schedule is crazy. I haven’t been sleeping properly for three days because of my deadlines.”
“Yeah, I noticed that.” He chuckled and you noticed how his teeth were a little jagged. “I could still smell your drool on my shirt, actually.”
“Oh, God,” you spluttered. “I’m—Please let me wash it for you.”
“And you expect me to walk home half-naked?” His naughty eyebrow raise made your skin tingle. “Or are you inviting me to stay over?” Seeing you part your mouth but lost for words, Eren tittered. “I’m kidding. I would’ve waited for you, though. To see that movie together, I mean. No matter how busy you were, I would. And even if I had watched it first, I wouldn’t mind watching it with you again.”
You shook your head, both in an attempt to disagree with his words and to erase your bashfulness away. “But that would be a waste of money—”
“That wouldn’t be a waste, and you know why?” He leaned closer, body almost halfway through the table. “Because for me, it’s never about the movie. It’s about watching it together with you. About us complaining about the plot holes, talking about the bad acting, laughing at each other when something reminds us of one of our inside jokes. That’s what makes it worth it.” As Eren realized how your eyes were locked with his, your breath hitching in your throat with the sudden proximity, he quickly plummeted back to his seat, flushed. “I mean, it applies to everyone—not you, specifically.”
So he could be shy, you concluded in your mind. And what else could he be? Maybe buried underneath those impish grins, laid a caring heart. Maybe he could be the one who’d understand when you missed three of his calls as you tried to survive your deadlines. Maybe he would cook you breakfast instead of just reminding you to take one. Maybe he could taste sweeter than any boy you’d ever kissed.
So when his curiosity for you matched the intensity you had towards him, you let your walls crumble, welcoming him with open arms.
***
“It’s going to rain,” Eren mentioned, eyes observing the night sky. Dark clouds rumbled deeply as they hovered above you, giving an ominous feeling. You were walking next to him, knuckles nearly grazing one another from how near you were though none of you was brave enough to close the distance.
Although obvious, you decided to humor him. “Yeah? How can you tell?”
“‘Cause I’m psychic.” The added wink at the end was a bonus but to you, it became the main reason why you had to drag your gaze to your feet. Funny how for the past three hours, your smile never faded away–almost to the point that your cheekbones began to hurt–when you could barely remember the last time you found amusement in anything.
“Are you cold?” he asked, and you promptly shook your head no. Unfortunately for you, your body betrayed you. Eren chuckled softly when he noticed the shivers that ran through your spine. “Want me to lend you my jacket?”
“Oh—no, it’s fine, I’m—”
“It was a rhetorical question, dummy.” The body heat that was imprinted on his black leather jacket made you feel well aware of just how warm he actually was. The scent of his bergamot perfume was overwhelmingly delightful, but there was another scent underneath it; something that reminded you of summer, sunlight, and sandalwood which made you wonder, maybe, if he wasn’t wearing this perfume, he’d smell just like this.
He pushed your hair away from your collar, straightening the jacket until it enveloped you entirely with its warmth. “Better?”
You eventually managed to snap yourself out of your reverie. “Were you always this smooth with women?”
“No, I just practiced in front of my mirror a lot.”
“Practiced what?”
He wiggled his eyebrows. “The art of seduction.”
“Is that so?” Your cheeks began to warm but it was probably because of the jacket. “Guess I should try that sometimes,” you joked.
“I don’t think you need it,” he cooed, bending himself down a little so you were eye-to-eye. “You already have me wrapped around your fingers from the second I laid my eyes on you.” When you turned petrified by his words, his laughter reverberated through the air. “Now, that’s an example. How did I do?”
Ignoring your racing heart, you retorted, “Terrible.”
“Then will you let me practice on you so I can get better?”
Just like that, you found yourself sporting another smile. “Now, that was smooth.”
Life had been dull, with you repeating the same routines over and over again. Your job had taken up most of your precious hours. Being with Eren was a breath of fresh air. A stranger who was attentive to every little gesture you made, every little word that escaped your mouth, as much as he easily stole your attention away. His confidence was inspiring, his laughter was contagious, and you adored every little bit of his quirkiness. Once you opened yourself to him, Eren burst in like fireworks, painting a million shades of colors on your monochromatic world.
“This feels like a date,” he said, smiling diffidently to himself. “Would it be okay for me to think of it as a date?”
Suddenly, your vocabulary had diminished into nothing but his name. You nodded, and surprisingly enough for you, Eren snickered, hand reaching out to playfully—almost childishly—ruffle your strands. “Thanks. Then a date it is.”
You wished time could go slower so you could savor the moment, memorizing the heart shape of his lips when he grinned.
You stopped in front of your apartment building, a breeze of cold night wind caressing your cheeks. “Umm, this is me,” you announced stiffly, dismantling his jacket from your body. “Thank you… for this.”
Eren’s fingertips grazed against your knuckles and it took longer than necessary for him to retrieve it from your hand. “You’re welcome.”
“And also…” Your mind strayed away from forming the right words as you watched him wear back his jacket, how it fitted him so perfectly, how effortlessly handsome he looked in a simple white tee and a pair of dark jeans. “Umm, thank you for walking me home.”
“Thank you for giving me the chance.” His smile reminded you of spring, your favorite season, the way it blossomed on his face, so warm and beautiful. “I could’ve been a serial killer, you know. Showing me where you live isn’t too smart.”
“You don’t look like a serial killer to me.”
“Yeah?” The same angelic smile turned devilish. “Then, how do I look like to you?”
You were fast to pivot on your heels. “It’s late. I should go.”
His laughter filled the air. “Wait, you haven’t said good night yet.”
“Then good ni—“ Your word died on your tongue when a pair of plump lips found their way to your cheek. They only lightly brushed against your skin but they stole your entire breath away as if he was tasting your mouth. He retraced his steps before you could respond properly, biting the corner of his lip as uncertainty filled his eyes.
“Sorry if that’s—“ Eren cleared his throat. He was visibly worried, afraid that he might have gone too fast and too far. “Umm, good night.”
You felt lightheaded, and you shortly blamed it on the amount of espresso you’d gulped too much during the day. “Good night…”
Eren was too timorous to meet your eyes, which was why you were brave enough to sneak a glimpse at his face. You decided that his sly, confident grin looked alluring on his face, but they were nothing compared to how adorable he seemed when he evinced that nervous, shy look on his face.
It took a few seconds before he gave you a meek nod and walked away, taking the same direction from where you came. Something queasy grew inside your stomach, your grip around your purse tightened. Is it all there is? Am I never going to see him again? With a heavy sigh, you walked toward your building.
Maybe he doesn’t like me that much, you continued to ponder. But what do I do now? I still want to see him. I don’t want to let him go without knowing whether I could see him again.
God, for once, just do something for yourself. You clenched your jaw, reprimanding yourself. Do something that makes you happy! Be brave!
Taking a deep breath, you chose to gamble.
At the same time you turned on your heels, shouting his name, Eren was calling upon yours and you both met each other halfway, breathless when it didn’t even take you more than twenty steps to reach one another.
“H-hi,” you greeted, voice quivering but not as much as the fingers you curled around the hem of your blouse.
“Hey.” Eren’s gaze softened. “I was wondering—”
“Can we meet again?” You didn’t intend to cut him off so abruptly, but the anxiety within you nearly made your heart burst that you ended up asking the question without waiting for him to finish his. “I—I mean—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt—”
“Yes, a thousand times yes,” he answered in one breath, with his sentence ending in chuckles. “God, you’re so adorable, do you know that?”
Your heart was still about to burst but for an entirely different reason. “That’s…” You tucked a loose strand of your hair behind your ear—a habit that seemed to appear whenever you were too embarrassed to function. “That’s great. I mean, the fact that you want to see me again, not about you calling me adorable, I—” Oh, God, okay, stop. “I guess I should leave now…”
He concealed his grin. “Aren’t you going to ask for my number or something?”
You mentally slapped yourself. “Y-yes, that would make it easier.”
The way Eren was gazing at you made you feel like you were about to fall from the edge of your seat. He must think I’m an idiot. But had you been brave enough to see the gleam in his eyes, you would’ve noticed how he was staring at you so adoringly. “Give me your phone then.” When you just stood still, too busy trying to comprehend that a cute boy was really going to give you his number, Eren added, “To add my numbers, Sweetheart. What, do I look like someone who flirts with pretty girls just to steal their phones away?”
“I wasn’t—” You quickly handed him your phone. “Here.”
Eren’s smile grew playful again. “Care to make it interesting?”
“What?”
“I’ll add my numbers except for the last digit. You gotta guess it.”
“What? Why—”
“Because you’re cute,” he repeated, cocking his head as he returned your phone. “And it makes me want to tease you even more.” You unconsciously began to pout and he nearly whimpered at the sight. “Don’t do that, that’s not fair.”
You mumbled quietly, “I don’t like being made fun of.”
“I’m not making fun of you, I’m teasing you. There’s a difference.” He sighed, fingertips aching to reach out and swat your bangs away from your eyes. “A huge difference.”
You jutted out your bottom lip. “Feels the same to me.”
Eren leaned in, his calloused palm finding its way to cup your cheek, lifting your face so the streetlight could illuminate your features. “You need to wash that pout away,” he whispered, eyes slowly drifting down to your lips that you had to remind yourself to breathe. “Or else I won’t be able to hold myself back.”
It was supposed to be just another attempt at teasing you. You knew he only meant it that way. But all traces of playfulness quickly vanished from his face when he noticed your eyes shifting to his lips—just for a split second—but that was enough. He saw the sign, he felt the chemistry, and there was no way he was going to let it pass just like that. Not when he had been thinking the same thing repeatedly for the last three hours you’d spent together.
It wasn’t your first kiss—nor your second or third—but it was the kiss that mattered and you weren’t sure why. Three hours ago, he was a stranger. Now, he sent a trickle of electricity coursing through your bloodstream, as if he was your first love. As if you had been wanting him for years.
A gentle rain began to pour over your heads, tiny droplets staining your cheeks but all you could think about was the way his thumb was caressing your cheekbone, how his lips were warmer and softer than anything you could have imagined, yet fierce and powerful at the same time.
“Am I going too fast?” He asked in a broken whisper, parting away just enough to murmur the question but close enough that you could still feel his words grazing your lips.
“Yes.” But you curled your fingers on the front of his shirt, tugging him closer. Eren sighed into your mouth, eyebrows furrowing as he let himself drown deeper in passion. What started as a chaste kiss became ardent, and you allowed him to taste you enough so that he would fall asleep thinking about your lips. Eren took a hold of your wrist, detaching your grip from his fabric, and moved it up, silently telling you to wind your arms around his neck instead. The second you did it, he melded his lips with yours in a passion that matched the blazing sun, entangling his long arms around your waist, nearly lifting you off your feet as he embraced you tighter.
You wanted to preserve this moment. Right here, kissing fervidly under the soft rain in the arms of a stranger, drowned in the feelings of excitement. Because if you were oxygen, then Eren was dying to breathe.
When it ended, you wished it didn’t have to. Eren’s eyes were heavy and intense as they peered into yours, growing a bit half-lidded when he shifted them back to your lips. “Hey…”
You mirrored his gentle smile, forehead pressing against his. “Hi…”
“I don’t know about you,” he chuckled deeply. “But as far as first kisses go, I think that was the best one the world has ever known.”
You tried to suppress your laughter but failed instantly. “Ren?”
He loved how you were bold enough to call him that way. The way his name rolled off your tongue… It was like you were playing on his heartstrings. “Yeah?”
“Judging from that line, I think you need to practice harder on your art of seduction.”
He pulled you in again, exchanging muffled giggles between playful kisses. “Let’s just go back to kissing for now. I like kissing.”
And if happiness had a form, it would’ve had his smile.
***
It’s almost laughable that the memories that once sparked so much joy in his heart have taken the shape of a javelin, striking him deep in his chest, right where he ached for you the most. It tasted like summer when he kissed you in the rain, and the pain that swells in Eren’s heart whenever the memory of it resurfaces is harder than the storm. And now, it’s the silence of the room—the absence of your presence—that pierces like a dagger through his skin.
But what am I now? What am I now?
What if I’m someone I don’t want around?
I’m falling again. I’m falling again.
I’m falling.
It was easy for him to fall in love with you. So easy, it frightened him at first. After his first relationship, the way his first love shed his heart to pieces, he thought he wouldn’t be able to love someone ever again. Wouldn’t have the courage to even try. But when you came into the picture, Eren didn’t even have the strength to resist. You were everything he ever wanted, an epitome of the woman that graced his dreams. And he was a prisoner, trapped under your spell.
So, why does everything have to end like this?
Now that he’s falling without you catching him, what is he going to do?
He hates who he’s become. He loathes the fact that he can no longer smile as easily as he used to. He despises how grimly he envisions the world these days. As if you were his entire future, and now that you’re gone, his whole world collapses. Eren no longer knows himself as you were the one who defines him. The one who gave meaning to his life. The one who mended his broken heart.
What if I’m down? What if I’m out?
What if I’m someone you won’t talk about?
I’m falling again. I’m falling again.
I’m falling.
You must hate me now, Eren muses, bringing his arm over his face, nibbling at the corner of his lip. The things I said… How I let you go without even giving us a chance… I must have hurt you…
“I’m sorry.”
***
It all began that night, on the day of your twenty-sixth birthday. Two years had passed since you shared your first kiss. Little fights over your differences couldn’t be avoided, but they helped nurture the bond you had with him, making it stronger. And each forgiveness was sincere and rich in kisses. Eren always made sure of that.
As you were fond of movies, your perfect date must involve watching a movie together with him so Eren, dressed unusually handsomely in a white button-down shirt, a pair of black khakis, and a matching black blazer that caught you off guard, took you out to the movie theater—the place where fate once meddled in and brought you to one another.
Knowing your taste, he paid two tickets to see the latest romantic movie, two buckets of salt caramel popcorns, and a coke for him but iced green tea for you, realizing full well how soda had become one of your biggest enemies ever since your diet started. He made sure that your seats were located on the corner top of the theater, private enough for him to snuggle close to you or steal kisses whenever he felt like doing it. You didn’t mind because Eren would only kiss you when you seemed bored, never wanting to bother you when you were too immersed in the movie. He simply kept his hand laced with yours the whole time to make up for the loss.
Complaining about the plot holes and making jokes that only you two could understand had become his habit to keep you entertained during the movie and it was something you always looked forward to. But that night, he was quiet, his eyebrows creasing in irritation but because of what, you were clueless.
“Are you okay?” You asked as you exited the building, this time being the one who reached out for his hand first. Eren stiffened but his shoulders soon relaxed as he intertwined your fingers together.
“I’m fine,” he assured, though his grin never reached his eyes. “Why, do I not look fine?”
You weakly smiled back, uncertain. “You just seem awfully quiet, that’s all.”
He rubbed his nape, somehow looking a bit perturbed. “I just… It made me remember something I’ve been trying my best to forget.”
“You mean the movie?”
“Yeah.” He sighed into the night, puffs of hot air erupting from his slightly chapped lips. “I don’t know about you, but I think the way the movie depicted their long-distance relationship is just bullshit.”
There was so much bitterness in his words that it nearly made you stop walking. Suddenly, there was a thick tension shrouding you, one that made you feel aware that it would be wiser to drop the conversation. But curiosity was eating you from the inside, gnawing like a starving wolf. He looked so crushed, so angry, and Eren was turning into a whole other person before you.
You asked him what happened.
“I don’t think I want to talk about my past relationship when I’m celebrating a special night with my girlfriend.” He forced himself to laugh about it, but it sounded hollow.
You unconsciously tightened your grip around his hand. “I just wanted to understand you better.”
“Hey.” He pulled you toward him so abruptly that you ended up falling on his chest. His smile was warmer when he looked at you. “Even without knowing about my past, you already understand me better than anyone.”
You were still unsettled when Eren kissed your lips to divert your attention, softly biting your lower one just to joke around to ease the tension. “Ah, I can’t wait until we’re home,” he whispered when all laughter had receded, his fingers tucking your loose strands behind your ear. “I want to make love to you.”
Your heart beat thunderously inside your chest. “You’re—you’re just gonna say it so blatantly like that?” He used to be so shy about it, asking you to join him in bed by pressing open-mouthed kisses down your neck instead of using words.
“Just wanted you to know my plans beforehand,” he simpered. “Or do you not want to?”
Face aflame, you hurriedly took a couple of strides forward, leading the way with your hand clamping his wrist. “Where are we going?” Eren frowned but followed you nonetheless. “The restaurant is right there. Our reservation is in ten minutes.”
“We can have dinner after.” You threw a look over your shoulder, too nervous to smile, but you hoped your words would deliver. “We’re going to make love, aren't we?”
His astonished look soon turned delicate. Eren’s smiles were always beautiful, but the ones that were caused by you were the brightest.
As soon as the door clicked open, Eren half-pushed, half-carried you inside his apartment that smelled pleasantly like him. He didn’t wait until it was properly closed before he latched his parted lips on your softer ones, fusing perfectly in the way no one ever could. You tore your own coat away before you pushed his blazer off his shoulders, and he let it slide down to the floor as you struggled with his buttons. He kicked off his shoes, his giggles muffled by your lips when he almost tripped from taking off his socks.
With his shirt now pooling around his elbows, Eren drove you to the wall. A stinging pain erupted from the back of your head as he did it too hard, not knowing his own strength, but when you groaned against his mouth, it was solely because you needed him as much as he needed you.
“I love you,” he breathlessly said against your neck, fingers dancing up your thigh and slipping underneath your dress. “I love you so much, it’s insane.”
It had been a few months since you first exchanged the sacred three words, but no matter how much Eren had whispered them in your ears and painted them to your skin with his lips, it still felt like it was the first time you heard him say the words. It wasn’t just because of how many promises he held underneath them, it was the way he said them—so sincerely, so desperately, as if you were running out of time and he needed you to hear them before you disappeared from his life.
“I—” You flinched, pulling him for another kiss again when Eren hooked his fingers on the side of your lingerie, hastily pushing it down your legs. “I love you too.”
The bed was not more than twenty steps away but it was long forgotten when Eren, still with his teeth ghosting across your lower lip, hastily unzipped himself and pushed his pants and briefs lower enough for your hand to find and stroke him to life. “God, baby,” he hissed when you curled your fingers around him, hot breath caressing your jawline. “I want—I need to be inside you—just—Ah, now, please, I need it.”
No one had ever wanted you the way he did. Every kiss was nearly bruising, every hug was almost suffocating, the thrill of it all was overwhelming.
It was almost a whine that escaped his lips when he vocalized your name. As soon as his desperate gasp and pleading moan reached your ears, the butterflies came alive in your stomach. Your skin tingled even with the lightest brush of his lips. Your fingers found home in his hair when he kissed the valley between your breasts, tugging at his soft strands and earning a low grunt in response.
You gave him a sign, affirming that it was okay for him to continue and Eren wasted no time. He lifted you up the wall, your shocked yelp cut short by his lips on yours. His hand slid along your thigh as your legs circled his waist, his hips pressing firmly into yours to pin you harder. “Ah, Ren—” Your gasp turned louder when he adjusted you higher, angling so that his hardness pressed right against the wetness of your folds, the friction setting your nerves alight.
Pushing the fabric of your dress as much as he could until it pooled around your waist, he shifted one hand to prop up your thigh, the other one aligning his tip against your entrance. He teased the head of his cock against your lips, the glide coursing waves of bliss through both of you. “Wet…” He spoke sotto voce, his breathing tattered at the sensation of your slick coating his tip. He repeatedly pressed it into your clit at an even, steady pace that had you floating and whining.
“You want me?” He asked breathlessly, his eyes having the hardest time tearing themselves away from your lips but they managed. “Tell me you want me…”
Eren needed confirmation. It wasn’t to feed his ego, nor to build on his self-esteem. He needed you to say it so he knew it was real. That someone as perfect as you were wanted him just as much as he wanted you. That he wasn’t the only one with his sanity deteriorating. That your feelings were just as intense.
“I want you,” you breathed out. Winding your arms around his neck, your fingers carded through his hair, accidentally unfastening his hair tie before they scratched his nape. “I want no one else but you—Ah!”
The friction made you moan, both in pain and passion, as Eren slid himself in one swift motion. The second he was sheathed deep inside, waiting for you to adjust to his size, he drew out a long sigh, eyes shut close as he relished the sensation. But when your gaze met, his half-lidded eyes were gentler than they had been the entire day.
Careful fingers framed your face, his thumb rubbing comforting circles along your cheekbone. “You okay?”
You weakly nodded, smiling sheepishly. “Are you?”
His chuckles were light and bashful. “I’m feeling great,” he said. He moved his hips without warning, just a little, not too fast, not too deep, but the sensation was enough to make you whimper and Eren swallowed every little noise you made directly with his lips. For every movement, he shoved you up and down the wall, your hair mussing and clumping against the surface. The fabric of his shirt slid down his shoulders in languid fragments, slowly revealing his lean back muscles into which you dig your fingertips.
A certain thrust made you squeeze around him and he drowned out his moan by mouthing against your shoulder, teeth prickling against the skin. “Fuck, do that again, baby, please.” And as he continued hitting the same spot, it was a given that you provided him with the same reaction.
Eren was insanely good at making you feel good, and in return, you wanted to give him everything that he desired. “I love how you feel around me,” he confessed under his breath as if he was talking to himself. “Perfect—you’re so perfect for me—”
Your arms were frantically clutching around his neck, trying to maintain stability as you fought against gravity. He buried himself deeper, snapped his hips into you with isolated precision, fucking you harder, and kissed you with the desperation of a dying man.
You tried to hold back but you couldn’t. It was too much. His breathless moans in your ear, the frantic sway of his hips, the closeness of your bodies—everything was overwhelming and you came hard on his length, legs wrapping tightly around his waist as Eren chased after your lips.
“Fuck,” he breathed heavily, his jaw hung low. The way you quivered and clenched around him sent fire through his veins. “Did you just come?” he whispered and you bit your lip in shame. The tiny laugh that broke free from his lips was both playful and filled with tenderness. “Already? That was fast.”
Flustered but not given the chance to react, you inhaled sharply when he picked up the pace. He was almost growling when his lips grazed against the shell of your ear. “Actually, me too,” he moaned, “Baby—fuck–can I come inside?”
“Yes.” You embraced him tighter. “Please, come inside me–ah, Ren–”
“Shit, I’m coming–” He buried his head in the crook of your neck, hips stuttering as he came.
When he let you slide down to your feet, your knees gave out under your weight and you stumbled back to his chest. He held you close, chortling as he kissed the top of your head. “I’m sorry, come here.” Bending down slightly, Eren hooked one arm under your knees and another one behind your back. He carried you in his arms, teasing, “Fucked you so good, you could barely stand, huh?”
Unable to deny it, you playfully slapped his chest. “Shut up.”
But all of his mischievousness dissipated as soon as you both slipped under the duvet, his bedsheets felt silky smooth under your spine. He cleaned the stain that dripped down your thighs with a warm towel, but dipped his head down to taste you directly with his tongue the second he was finished with it. Eren’s eyes never left yours, placing gentle kisses on the inner sides of your thighs and two more on your clit before he slid his tongue along your folds, slowly, as if he had the whole time in the world to please you.
He was always gentler the second time, slower with more feelings instead of sheer passion. So when he slid himself into you again, his forehead was pressed against yours, lips curving up into an innocent smile. “I never want to let you go,” he confessed between faint moans. “I want to stay just like this with you, forever.”
“I don’t think that’s physically possible,” you giggled, raking your nails down his spine and he arched his back in response.
“Wouldn’t it be great if we could stay connected like this all the time, though?” Eren broke away, sitting on his heels as he rested one of your legs on his shoulder. His fingers were kneading the skin of your thigh, hugging your leg close to his chest as he rocked his hips slowly, savoring every moment. “I mean—ah, God, baby—doesn’t this feel good?”
You nibbled at your lip, sighing. Good was an understatement but you weren’t sure you could find a term to perfectly define how amazing he felt around you. “It feels like you’re made just for me,” Eren said and you couldn’t have phrased it better.
From where you laid on the bed, you could take a good look at Eren’s viridian eyes—the way they drooped slightly, clouded with both affection and infatuation every time they met yours. How the muscles in his abs were flexing with every movement. The sinful, obscene sway of his hips. The little smirk that broke on his face when you accidentally moaned his name too loud—Eren was… Beautiful. Irresistible. Sensual.
“Baby?” Eren called, chuckling softly as he peppered open-mouthed kisses to your ankle that made you stare in a haze. “You okay down there?”
You pursed your lips. “Just enjoying the view.”
“Yeah?” He brought your leg down so he could fall back into your arms, his mouth meeting your jawline before he landed a peck on the tip of your nose. “Well, I’ve got something else you could also enjoy.”
You hummed, trying your best to contain your whimper when he suddenly brought his fingers down to rub against your clit. “And what’s that?” Though the way he slammed his hips harder against yours served as an obvious answer.
“Some caramel puddings,” he replied, nipping against your neck as he grinned, careful enough not to leave any marks as you had an important meeting with your executives tomorrow. “They’re in the fridge. You’ll love them.”
It was hard to focus when he kept hitting the spot that made you curl your toes. “Eren…” You pushed a stray lock of his long hair behind his ear before you caressed his cheek. “I love you.”
His movements stopped. You both might have exchanged the same words three or four times today, but he was always the one who uttered them first. Eren melted into a smile, one that was softer than the breath of summer. “I love you too.” His lips never left yours as they spoke each loving word with more sentimentality and less urgency. “Happy birthday, baby…”
You closed your eyes, indulging in the soft sense of his warmth, and during that moment, your heart, your soul, and your mind, they formed the same words.
Ah, so this is what happiness feels like.
***
“Ren?”
“Hmm?”
Both of you no longer had the strength to do anything but cuddle in each other’s arms. As Eren wallowed in the sweet moment of silence where your breath sounded like a soothing lullaby in his ears, you gathered the courage to ask once more. “I still want to know, after all. About what happened to you earlier, I mean. You looked so distraught… I can’t rest before I know what upset you.”
He stiffened, his fingers stopped momentarily from stroking your strands. With a sense of weariness filling his eyes, he surrendered.
It was his first relationship with his first love, back when he was fifteen. They were together for four years but knew each other for ten. She was a close friend that grew into something more. Even loving words didn’t need to be exchanged as they could practically finish each other’s thoughts. You felt a pang of jealousy gnawing at you from the inside, at the thought of him having someone so important in his life—someone who had stayed with him longer than you’d met him—someone whose name couldn’t be spoken as it triggered too many emotions.
But for the sake of understanding him, you cast your jealousy aside, no matter how much it lit your body on fire.
Eren’s voice had lost its usual cheeriness when he reminisced about his past. By the time they graduated high school, she decided to continue her study in another country. Eren let her go, supporting her plans and dreams like the perfect boyfriend that he was. They were committed to each other, faithful to one another. Eren never doubted her, not even once.
Until one day, during the summer break of their first year of separation, he decided to pay her a visit. He bought airplane tickets with the money he’d saved up for months, along with a thoughtful gift for her birthday. But the second he saw her opening the door to her apartment, he realized that she wasn’t alone.
She was never alone. He was.
“Why are you here?” She asked as if his presence was a bother. Him, the man whom she claimed she’d loved with her entire soul for the last four years. The man whom she had made love to on his bed just six months earlier. Eren would never forget the look she had on her face that day.
“It’s funny how you’ve been with this person your whole life,” Eren said, his words laced with venom as he kept his gaze fixated on the ceiling. “And you thought you knew them like the back of your hand and then one day, they betrayed you in the way you thought they were incapable of doing.”
You couldn’t find your voice, blending in with the silence of the room.
But he didn’t hate her, Eren confessed. He hated himself. He hated how stupid—how innocent and gullible he was. He hated how easily he had let someone else carry his heart around and let them do whatever they wanted with it. He knew that she wouldn’t have the power to destroy him if he had never given her the chance. Maybe, if his thoughts weren’t as clouded by his feelings, he would’ve noticed the little sighs she made whenever he told her he loved her. He would’ve noticed the way she sounded much brighter when she talked about her life instead of their lives together during their late-night calls. He would’ve noticed how distant she sounded whenever she spoke his name as if it was just another meaningless word and not the one that she used to murmur in short gasps near his ear.
And maybe if I hadn’t fallen in love…
Eren fell mute for a few seconds as if he was being drifted to another time and space. The hurting look on his face was so vivid that it broke you apart just by seeing it. Attempting to wash the pain away, you placed a hand on his cheek and Eren grew rigid before he discovered the strength to smile.
“I had to stay for a whole week in a country I didn’t know because I couldn’t refund my ticket,” he said, leaning into your touch. “All alone, since my girlfriend cheated on me and didn’t even care to apologize about it.” He snorted, still sounding bitter but his taut muscles had grown loose. “So yeah, I probably have some trust issues now because of that.” He tried to conceal the pain behind his laughter. “But it’s all right. I don’t care. I have you now, right?” He laid on his side, facing you with a boyish smile that made your heart race just a little bit faster. “I’m starting on a new page with you. And as long as you’re here with me, I’m the happiest man in the world.”
You reflected his smile though your heart was still left unsettled. “You’re lame.”
“Excuse me, I’m in love,” he corrected, pouting. But when his hand found yours, his expression grew tender again. Kissing each of your fingertips, he murmured, “We’ll always be together, right? Promise you won’t do that to me.”
“I will never cheat on you, Ren.”
“No, it’s not just that.” He gazed deep into your eyes. “Promise me you won’t leave me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
He knew what loving you could cost him, but you were different. And he was different. He wouldn’t fall into the same trap. He knew how to protect himself this time. So he allowed himself to love you just as much, if not more, moving on but never forgetting.
Your eyes were focusing on the way he brought your index finger between his lips, your digit pressing against his hot tongue. “Yes,” you softly whispered, hooking a finger around his silver necklace, and pulling him in for a kiss. “We’ll always be together.”
“Forever?”
“Forever.”
***
Your forever did not last long.
When you received a job promotion a year later, you didn’t know what to say to him. It was your dream job, finally achieving that position after practically hanging on for dear life for five years working in the company. The salary exceeded your expectation, and you would be working under a senior that you admired. The company would pay for all your living expenses and give you your own flat to live in with a balcony where you could see the sun rising behind the skyscrapers. It all sounded so perfect. Too perfect.
Except for the part where you had to move to another country that stood three thousand miles away from where he was.
You knew you should’ve said something to Eren the first time your director broke the news to you. But you couldn’t as you didn’t know how. During the three years of your relationship, both of you had avoided talking about matters that could lead to fights, only allowing yourselves to discuss trivial, mundane things that would make the other pout in annoyance but not fury. The first time you noticed this happened was when both of you became too busy dealing with your own lives. You had your job to think about, while Eren had his thesis to work on and there wasn’t much time to focus on each other even when you were staying in the same apartment.
Eren often released his stress by nuzzling his nose against the side of your neck, pulling you into his lap, whispering, “I miss you,” and you reciprocated each time with a kiss. But you always stopped before it got too much with you patting his cheek, apologizing to him using both your words and your gaze. “I’m sorry, Ren, but I have a Zoom meeting in an hour. I really need to get my presentation done.”
He just sighed, pressing a tiny kiss between your eyebrows. “Well then, I’m gonna go catch some sleep. Don’t work too hard.”
And as he walked to the bedroom, closing the door behind him and leaving you alone in his living room, you realized the distance that grew between you. He used to look back, peek his head through the door, saying, “Would it really kill you to just join me for, like, fifteen minutes? I’ll be fast, I swear,” which you would answer with a laugh, assuming he was joking. “Why are you laughing? I’m serious!”
But now, he doesn’t even stop to say good night.
You knew you could fix it. He knew he could fix it too. But none of you ever said anything about it, afraid that it would trigger something bigger that neither of you would be able to mend.
It didn’t mean that you didn’t try. Every weekend, you would commit yourself fully to him and Eren would accept your unspoken apology with all his heart. You once attempted to drop some clues about your promotion during dinner when he made you your favorite dish, grinning from ear-to-ear as he waited for your reaction. Eren’s Spaghetti Aglio e Olio never disappointed you, but you know your words would. So when he was smiling at you, his thumb gliding along your knuckles as he took your hand in his, how could you tell him?
I just need more time to prepare myself. To find a better way to explain.
But before you could find your words, Eren found your promotion letter.
“What is this?” He asked to your horror, body leaning against the doorframe, your letter in his hand.
The maroon dress you were trying to fold fell from your lap as you stood up abruptly, eyes widening in shock. “That’s—where did you get—”
“What is this?”
You turned rigid. The weight in his tone was terrifying. “It’s… My promotion letter.”
“Are you planning to tell me about it?” He wasn’t shouting, didn’t even raise his voice, but to your ears, his voice was thunderous.
You fidgeted, fingers fisting the hemline of your shirt, desperate for comfort. “Of course, I—” But there were no words. Your brain was too jumbled to find a proper excuse because you knew, he didn’t wish to hear one.
Eren didn’t want to repeat himself. His heart was already breaking. He just lowered his gaze, emerald eyes turning darker and colder. Then he left the room without a word.
“Eren.” You followed after him, legs turning frail underneath your weight. “Eren, please, can we talk?”
He only stopped in his tracks when you grasped his wrist. “Did you say yes to this?” He turned around to face you, raising the letter he gripped so tightly in his hand. His voice was quiet, eerily so, that it sent shivers down your spine.
Your heart was somewhere in your stomach. “I was—”
“Yes or no?”
He only allowed you to choose, not explain. With a deep breath, you mumbled out, “Yes.”
There was a moment of silence where you could only hear your stuttered breathing but none of his. “Three months,” he murmured, voice deep and hoarse that you barely recognized. “The letter is three months old. You had all this time to tell me.”
Panic rose quickly in your chest. “I know. I was going to tell you but—”
The rest of your words died instantly the second Eren slammed the letter on the dining table. Your breath caught in your throat at the sound. Had his fist met porcelains, he would’ve shattered everything to pieces with how forceful he was.
Without another word, he stomped off to the front door, grabbing his coat with him.
“Wait!” You chased after his trails, knees wobbling. “Where are you—”
The door was shut with a bang.
No matter how many times you tried to call him, he never answered. The only thing you could do was stay in his apartment and wait until he came back to his senses. Now that you were alone in the living room, you began to notice just how many of your belongings were positioned in every corner of his apartment. Your toothbrush was next to his, your clothes were hanging inside his wardrobe, your favorite books were on his shelf, and the walls were painted with more photographs of you than his own. In every picture, you could see yourself smiling in his arms, laughing at something he did or said because that was it, wasn’t it? Eren was the source of your happiness. He was the only one who could make you smile so freely without a care in the world.
So why are we in this position now?
It was your first big fight and you had no one else to blame but yourself. Hours had passed by and tears began to well from how frustrated you were with yourself, but the front door flung open before they could outline your cheeks.
“Ren,” you called out, your heart ruptured at the sound of his name. Eren’s hair was ruffled by the wind, his bun turning messier than ever. His nose and cheeks were bitten by the cold night air, turning scarlet. His hands were inside the pockets of his coat, his eyes glazed by his temper as he kicked his shoes away. He walked past you as if you weren’t there, heading straight to the bedroom.
Judging from the scent and his slightly unfocused eyes, you knew he had been drinking. “Are you okay?”
No answer. He took his coat off, throwing it on the bed along with his phone which was clearly functional as always. You had expected him to dismiss your calls, but it still hurt being ignored.
With your eyebrows knitted in concern, you went to the kitchen to make him a cup of coffee, hoping that a little caffeine would ease the tension as it was something you were both fond of. You stopped to catch your breath, noticing that it was already two in the morning.
What should I do?
“Eren…” You carefully began, voice quieter than usual as you walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind you. “I’ve made you some coffee. It’ll help warm you up.”
Your lover was sitting at the edge of the bed, his phone between his hands, blatantly ignoring you.
“Can we…” You hesitated, fingers curling into tiny balls of fists. “Can we talk?”
The silence was deafening.
“Ren—”
“What?!” He suddenly roared, making you take a step back, flinching. “What do you want to talk about?”
“I…” You swallowed your breath, your voice is as shaky as your fingers were. “I know you’re upset about me leaving and I’m sorry—”
“Oh, so now you want to talk about this? After I found out about your letter?” Eren didn’t wait for your response. “I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this a secret from me! What else are you not telling me?”
Heart plummeting to the ground, you timorously replied, “Nothing, just… I was going to tell you—”
“Yeah? When, exactly?” Eren stood up, throwing his phone to the bed. “When you’re about to go? When you’re about to disappear from my life just like her?”
Being put in the same position as the person who tore his heart to pieces was both sickening and infuriating. “Of course not, I won’t do that to you!” Your voice gradually turned louder, more frantic. “I won’t leave you—”
“But that’s all everybody fucking said!” He threw his hands in the air, eyes blazing with fury. “That’s what she said when—”
“Well, I’m not her!” The booming sound of your voice startled you both, but it grew weak in comparison when the eerie silence followed. “Eren, you can’t blame me for what she did. I’m not her. I’m not her replacement. Don’t compare me with her.”
For a moment, Eren’s lips were pressed tightly until they grew white. “I never compared you with her,” he said through gritted teeth, his husky voice thundered like a rainstorm. “Not until now when you’re doing the same thing, saying the exact same thing she said to me.”
You cowered slightly under his gaze. The sound of the ticking clock had never felt so loud when you fought for words to say. “I’m sorry for not telling you about this sooner.”
“I don’t need your apology,” he snapped back. “I don’t care.”
“It’s my dream job, Ren…” Your posture drooped, grave sadness written on your face. “I’ve been waiting my whole life to get this position–”
“Congratulations,” he scoffed, clenching his jaw. “I’m so glad you got what you wanted.”
You bit the inside of your cheek. His words hurt more than you thought they would. “You don’t have to force yourself to say words you don’t mean.”
He clicked his tongue in vexation. “Yeah, well, I would’ve meant them, if you had told me about this.”
“I wasn’t able to tell you because I thought you’d be upset about it—”
"I suppose postponing it until we’re counting days till your leave is going to make me feel fucking elated, isn’t that right, Sweetheart?” There had never been a day where you thought his adorable, warm laughter could turn into something so spiteful. “Let me guess. You’re leaving in like, what, a month?”
You rubbed your tears away before they fell. “Six weeks.”
“Oh, that makes everything so much better! Six weeks!” He cynically laughed, throwing his head back. “You know what? You’re right. I’m so happy. Never been this fucking happy in my whole goddamn life—”
“What do you want me to do?!” The frustration that welled inside your chest finally broke through your lips. “You want me to turn back time so I could tell you right after I heard the news three months ago?”
Eren averted his gaze, his hand going to his head, pulling at his hair roots. “I just don’t understand why if this is so important to you—and if I’m so important to you—why didn’t you talk this out with me? Don’t you care about what I think? About how I’d feel?”
Tears were running faster than you could wipe them off your cheeks. “I couldn’t find the right time to tell you.” You choked out. “ And you were so busy working on your final thesis too. I didn’t want to bother you—”
“That’s your excuse?!” he gasped in disbelief. “I don’t fucking care about my thesis. I care about you! And you knew how I felt about being in a long-distance relationship—"
“That was the reason why I was waiting for the right time until—“
“Until you can tell me that you’re leaving.” He sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. “Look, I’m tired and we’re going in circles. Why are we even discussing this when you’ve made the decision all by yourself? This is pointless.”
Embittered, you asked, “Do you want me to choose between you and my career?”
“No. I don’t.” He finally looked into your eyes, and you could see how there was not as much anger as sadness that emerged behind his lenses. “But I’m making my own decision.” When you frowned in confusion, Eren looked away, staring at the wall that was filled with memories as he spoke. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
“What?” It felt like the world was swallowing you whole. “What did you say?”
Exchanging stares with you, Eren appeared more weary than furious. “I just don’t see how this is going to work.”
For a moment, every cherished memory you shared with him fleeted across your eyes. Eren was standing before you, wearing the same clothes as he did on the night he spent embracing you on his bed, and yet right now, he felt like a stranger. He sounded like one, looking at you like you just betrayed him and drove a knife into his back.
“You’re drunk.” You reasoned out, both to calm him down and to wash the fear away from your chest. “You won’t be saying any of this if you were sober.”
“If that’s what helps you sleep at night, sure.” Both his eyes and his tone were glacial. “Go ahead and think that way. I don’t care.”
Dread was running through your veins, making you feel anxious about what was coming. “Wait,” you almost pleaded. “We need to talk about this.”
“I think we’ve talked enough.”
“Can’t we at least try—”
“I can’t.” The confession escaped his lips, and your facade shattered. Tears pooled in your eyes and his heart twisted as sadness washed over him too. His eyes finally spoke the true shape of his heart—how it was smashed apart, broken with neither of you being able to collect the pieces. He gazed at you as if it was you who was breaking up with him and not the other way around. “You know I can’t do this,” he said. “I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes. I don’t want to be that guy who constantly gets suspicious or overly protective of you because of my past. It won’t be fair to you.”
“I don’t care if you’re being unfair,” you replied shakily, “I just don’t want us to end what we have now.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice grew softer. “If we continue this, I know I’ll end up saying things I never meant to say. With three thousand miles between us, how often do you think we can see each other? With you being so busy with your new job, how often can we speak?” But the bitterness in his voice came alive when he added, “We could barely do that even when we were in the same room before.”
“It’s about that..?” Realization washed over you like a wave. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”
“Same reason as you,” he replied, “To keep our relationship the way it was. That’s what we always do, isn’t it? Pretending everything is fine when it’s not?”
A fresh swell of turmoil rose within you. “Eren, I’ve tried my best to spend time with you… I thought you’d understand that I have a job—”
“You’re right, but unlike you, I don’t.” Eren weakly smiled. “I don’t have anything going on with my life except you. I don’t even know if I can graduate college in time. But you’ve achieved so much. You’re only a few years older than me and yet you’ve already had everything figured out, and I admire you for that.” His words sounded sincere but they only tore your heart open even more. Eren walked closer, his fingers pushing the bangs out of your eyes like the way he used to do but it didn’t feel the same. Instead of giving you the comfort you needed, he only inflicted more pain. “You’re already perfect the way you are now. You don’t need me in your life.”
“No.” The desperation was so thick in your voice, that it made you wince but not in regret. “You’re wrong, you—There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t need you, Ren. I want you to stay with me. Come with me. We still have time.”
You don’t mean that. Eren brought his head down, unable to meet your eyes. If you did, you would’ve told me about this sooner. “And then what?” he sighed, sounding so tired. “What am I going to do if I come with you? I haven’t even finished my study yet, let alone have a job.”
“You can find one in—”
“In a country where I can’t even speak the language? I doubt it. I’m not gonna let you pay for my needs—”
“Then, I’ll make some time for you, I promise. Better this time.” Your fingernails were sinking into your palms from how tightly you curled them. “No matter how far we are from each other, I’ll call you every day.”
“I don’t want that.” His words were laced with frustration. “I don’t want you to force yourself to do something for me. And I don’t want to spend my nights imagining whether you’re spending yours with someone else.”
“You…” You were so quiet, you wondered if he could hear you properly. “You don’t trust me?”
But Eren shook his head, gaze softening. “I do. I just don’t trust myself.”
Your mind turned into a blank slate, unable to form a word. Eren’s breathing tattered a little when he exhaled, walking to his wardrobe to pick out some clothes. “I’m gonna go stay at Armin’s place for the weekend. Feel free to take out your stuff. Just drop the keys at the lobby when you’re finished.”
You stood still, icebound to the ground. It almost felt like a heart attack from the way your heart was hammering against your rib cages. “I don’t want to lose you,” you quietly professed, “I thought we could work this out…”
Eren’s movements were put to a halt just for a couple of seconds before he continued shoving his clothes down his bag. You stood on the side as he walked past you, his natural sandalwood scent had disappeared, buried under the amount of alcohol he’d consumed.
“So, this is it…?” You fretted. “For us..?”
Eren stopped taking another stride, glancing at you from over his shoulder. “It’s better for both of us, don’t you think?”
But he didn’t wait to hear your answer.
***
When you dared to appear at his front door six weeks later, it was on the night before your departure. He hadn’t called, hadn’t sent you a single text. He was a ghost, living solely in your imagination. But knowing it was your last chance to see him, you gathered your courage and took the first step.
Eren was wearing the same navy blue knitted sweater that he wore the first time you told him you loved him. You remembered how startled he was back then, unsure of what to say as he was afraid to love someone else after knowing how it felt like to have his heart shattered to pieces. The words I love you were merely reciprocated with a small “Thank you” and an awkward hug to serve as a bandaid. As you laid in his arms later that night, you spent every second with your eyes closed but your thoughts awake, trying to figure out why won’t he say it back?
You left for work early the next morning, your mind so distraught that you forgot to put some cream in your coffee. With one arm holding an umbrella over your head to protect you from the morning showers, you stepped outside with an anchor for a heart, bidding him farewell without having your smile reach your eyes.
Was it a mistake? You pondered. Should I have not told him? He didn’t look so happy about it…
Does he not… love me?
Before your eyes were misted with your tears, you heard your name being called. Turning around, you saw Eren chasing after you in the same knitted sweater, his hair still messy from sleep but soon to be drenched by the rain.
“Wait!” he shouted, breathlessly, both from running and the rush of adrenaline that pumped through his veins.
Your eyes turned wide in astonishment even when you failed to catch his words. “What—” You were about to run so you could shelter him from the rain, but he reached your spot faster than you could reach him. “Eren, what are you doing? Why didn’t you take an umbrella with you?” You dropped your handbag to the ground, not caring if it got wet from the rain as you focused more on the man who was shivering before you. You rubbed his arm up and down, providing him with warmth before you cupped his face. “Go back inside. You’re shivering.”
“I’m fine. I just have something to say before you go.” He broke into a tender smile, pressing his palm against the back of your hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it back last night. I was… I was afraid,” he admitted. “Being in love with someone means you’re giving your heart for them to hold or to crush and I didn’t want to go through that pain ever again but—” He stepped closer, his temple nearly touching yours as he brought his head down. “I love you. I want you to know that I love you too. I don’t want to lie to myself anymore. I don’t care what’s gonna happen in the future. I just love you, so much, that both my heart and my head feel like they’re going to burst.”
For a moment, you could only stare back, dumbstruck and in awe. Eren’s eyes shook as they searched yours, growing frantic when he couldn’t understand the feelings that churned inside you. “Say something, please?” He begged, cold fingers caressing your cheek. “Otherwise, I might have to crawl into a hole and die from shame.”
You chuckled lightly, overwhelmed by the sheer happiness that washed over you. “I love you too.”
He seemed so relieved, almost as much as you were, and he twisted his fingers around your strands, chasing after your lips. The kiss was sweeter than honey but knowing him, even the sweetest kiss emitted so much passion, it left you breathless.
“I’m sorry, I know you have to go to work,” he said, pushing you away just for a couple of seconds before his emotions defeated him once more. Your mouths collided yet again, a frenzied kiss that left your skin burning. “God, I know you have to go,” he whispered between needy kisses. “But just—one more—”
You let him. You let him kiss you as much as he wanted. You let him steal you away from the world as much as he pleased. After all, you were his. Body, mind, and soul, you offered everything to him.
When he finally had the strength to break apart from you, his eyes were conflicted. “Must you go?” His thumb caressed your cheek, and Eren wetted his already glistened lip as he stared at yours. “I want to be with you today.”
It didn’t matter that the two of you just spent the entire weekend together. No amount of time would be enough to satisfy your needs for each other’s touch. So you answered him with your lips meeting him in a frantic kiss, casting your umbrella aside. You didn’t care that it was cold, with big droplets of rain easily drenching you from head to toe because Eren was always ready to warm you up.
“Then take me home, Ren.”
But you realized as he tugged you back into his arms, soft lips pressing against your temple, you were already home.
Now… That memory felt like a fantasy, one that you could only dream of having.
“I…” Standing right before him after six weeks of separation was so nerve-racking that you found yourself unable to meet his eyes. “I just wanted to get the books I left on your shelf.”
He didn’t say a word, only stepping to the side to give you some space to enter. His apartment still smelled delightfully like him, so familiar that it felt like you were coming home, but instead of suffusing your chest with joy, it only broke your heart even harder.
“They’re in my room,” he said, all stern with no warmth like he used to have. Not our room anymore, only his. You nodded, making your way inside. When you closed the bedroom door behind you, hot tears were about to spill and you tried your best not to be suffocated with the memories of the nights you shared your feelings with him, bodies tangled underneath the sheets, lips carving marks on each other’s skins.
You couldn’t breathe.
By the time you managed to collect yourself, you came out of his room with two of your books in your hands while you left ten more on his shelf. You didn’t need any of them. It was only a poor excuse for you to see his face once more before you bid your final farewell.
“I made you some coffee,” he said, leaning against the kitchen counter. “It’s cold outside so…”
You timidly smiled. “Thank you.”
You used to spend hours chattering behind a few cups of coffee, talking about the things that mattered and things that didn’t because everything felt special when you shared them with someone you loved. But today, every sip of your coffee sounded louder than your voice as no words were shared.
You said you care
And you missed me too
And I’m well aware I write too many songs about you
“How are you?”
“I’m doing great,” he answered formally. It’s funny how he didn’t need spiteful words to hurt you. The absence of his affection in his sentences was more than enough to smother you.
“That’s good…” You tapped your fingers against the side of your mug. “Are you still writing lyrics for Armin’s songs these days?”
“No. I’ve been busy.”
“Oh… With your thesis?”
“Sure.”
Eren didn’t tell you the truth. He didn’t tell you how many notes had been written, scratched, and discarded just so he could deal with the thoughts of you. Didn’t tell you the words he wrote about your pretty eyes, your pretty smiles, your kindness, your passion, your everything. And how, despite his choice of leaving you, he still longed for them. Still loved them with all his heart.
The reason why he let you go was that he knew you would probably stay with him if he’d asked you to. He didn’t want you to have any regrets. Didn’t want you to choose him because you felt like you had no other way. Because when you love someone, truly, you’re ready to be cast aside for them to attain their happiness. You just happen to be walking on a different path, and Eren is not strong, nor fast enough, to walk with you just yet. Rather than wishing for you to stop, he wants you to walk faster even if it means he won’t be able to chase after you.
And Eren still couldn’t forget the pain. It felt like you betrayed him when you kept it a secret for months.
What else will you keep from me, if you can’t even tell me you’re leaving? Will you keep it a secret when you no longer love me the way you used to? Will you keep it a secret when you find someone new, someone better, someone who can stay to wipe your tears and hold you in their arms while I’m three thousand miles away from you? Will you pretend like everything is fine when we’re straying further away from each other every day?
In Eren’s mind, he thought you’d be better on your own. At such a young age, you had already managed to chase after your dreams while he was still unsure of what he wanted to have in the future. To him, you were always a step ahead. And tomorrow, you’d be taking your first step to another place where he wouldn’t have the strength to follow.
His thoughts about you were never-ending. And he wrote so much, pouring every feeling down on papers, that now as you stood before him in person, there were no more words left to be said and he could only reply to your sentences with silence.
And the coffee’s out
At the Beachwood Cafe
And it kills me ‘cause I know we’ve run out of things we can say
“I’m leaving tomorrow,” you eventually said and Eren glanced at you from underneath his eyelashes, but he never let his gaze stay for a second longer.
He knew. Of course, he did. He had been counting the days, dreading every second of it. “Take care of yourself,” he responded in a way a stranger would say to another stranger at the end of their brief meeting. “Good luck with your job. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
There were no pet names at the end of his sentence, no sweet terms he’d once associated with you. He even refrained himself from calling your name out loud as he was afraid it would shatter the walls he’d built around him. The walls he created to protect himself from hurting even more. You were truly strangers now.
“Thanks.” You forced yourself to smile, nails sinking into your thighs as you brought your hands to your lap. “You too. Don’t forget to eat your breakfast every day. You always skip it.”
It was your job to remind him, who used to serve fried eggs and toasts on his plate while Eren was the one who cooked dinner. Perhaps he remembered that too because as soon as the words departed from your lips, Eren brought his head down, simply replying with a hum so you wouldn’t notice the tremble in his voice.
When you took your leave, you handed him a note to your new address. “Just… Come and visit me whenever you’re in the country. I’d love to show you around.” It sickened you how formal you sounded, but you couldn’t say it any other way.
When Eren took the note, your fingers brushed against his, it almost seemed like time stopped, just for a little, and he wanted to pull you into his embrace, to tell you how much he’d been missing you the same way you’d been missing him. To tell you how much he wanted to be selfish, to have you choose him over everything else in your life because that was how you meant to him. You were everything to him.
Just like how you are to me.
So when he dropped his hand, tucking it inside his pocket, you knew it was really over. Finally, the word goodbye took its true form.
And I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again.
***
Three years passed by like eternity. Time progresses so slowly that your mind can only recall the taste of euphoria just like how your lips remember the softness of his kiss. But you don’t feel them, not anymore. The joy, the thrill of being in love, the burning desire of wanting someone and being wanted. You remember everything but your body starts to forget. And when your mind decides to abandon those memories too, what’s going to be left of you then?
Birthday parties had the taste of farewells. Love confessions, even when they came from a gentleman you respected, would never be able to fill the void in your chest. Ardent kisses only felt nice on your lips but they always left a bitter taste on your tongue. And your body felt incomplete, cold as if you had been standing in the snow for hours, missing the warmth he used to give you on the passenger seat of his car.
I wonder what you are doing now, Ren…
Have you met someone new? Have you ever thought about me?
Did you ever miss me?
“Because I do,” you heard yourself murmur one day in the darkness of your apartment, your mind intoxicated as you had drunk more alcohol than you intended. “I never stopped thinking about you… I miss you…”
I miss you so much.
Three years. Three years and he is still the only man your heart yearns for, so desperately, it hurts. You have his phone number memorized in your head but you can’t lift your finger to punch down the buttons. Three years and you never found the courage to do it, so scared of the thoughts of him dismissing your call, or worse, answering only to tell you to leave him alone. And you know he has your number too, but the fact that your phone never rang with his name flashing on your screen only meant one thing.
Eren no longer wants to have anything to do with you. Not anymore.
The four walls of your apartment are the only witnesses of the tears you cried and the ones that dried on your cheeks as you sobbed yourself to sleep. Some nights could feel exceptionally lonely that you had to drown yourself in sleeping pills to forget the sound of his laughter that once felt like music to your ears. Days, especially like today, feel longer when you have to stay home and you don’t have your job to distract you from him.
And when you start imagining him there, breathing the same air that you breathe, your heart constricts like you’re trapped inside a box, buried ten feet under the ground. The human mind is a powerful thing. As your eyes turn vacant, it runs on its own, playing scenes after scenes like an old movie. You can see Eren walking around your apartment in nothing but his plaid pajama pants, his top missing as you’d stolen it away, draping it over your own body while wearing nothing more underneath. You can see him hugging the old version of yourself in the kitchen, his chest completing the dip of your spine, his nose nuzzling against your neck.
“Morning,” you can hear him say, his voice hoarse from sleep. “You woke up early.”
Your giggle echoes in your ears. “Eren, it’s two in the afternoon.”
“Yeah, that’s early. Let’s go back to bed.”
“Wait, let me make you some food. You must be hungry.”
But Eren doesn’t listen, he never did. You see him lifting your body off the ground, throwing you over his shoulder with one hand wrapped around the back of your thighs. “It can wait. I want to cuddle,” he insists as you laugh. “You’re going to be the big spoon now.”
“Aren’t I always the big spoon?”
“That’s right, so you better spoon me right.”
“What does that even mean?”
Funny how a conversation like this is what you miss the most. You can never find and share a moment like this with anyone else. Or maybe you just don’t allow yourself to?
I want to see him, you confess deep within your thoughts as you lay your cheek on the coffee table. Your fingers are still wrapped against an empty can of beer, the taste of alcohol sitting thickly on your tongue. You just realize that you’re wearing Eren’s old hoodie again, its color fading from scarlet to salmon pink from how many times you’ve washed it. It was the only thing that’s left of him, something that you forgot to return and Eren didn’t care enough to ask for it back. You nuzzle your nose against its long sleeve, still trying to catch a hint of his scent lingering on its fabric even when you’ve failed so many times. There’s nothing left of him that lingers near. With your legs stretched out on the carpeted floor, skin sliding against polyester, you feel tears brimming in your eyes.
Eren…
Your doorbell rings, breaking the smothering silence. You attempt to ignore it, just wanting to be swallowed by the earth for now and never resurface. But when it keeps resounding through your hallway, you have no choice but to groan and return to your feet.
You wipe your tears away, your eyes still puffy and red as you take long strides toward your front door. Your hair is a tangled mess, your clothes rumpled and worn-out. You’ve never really cared about your appearance these days. You haven’t really cared about anything else.
You turn around your doorknob. “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel well today, so if you… can…”
Your eyes grow wide, incapable of blinking as Eren Jaeger, the same man whose face has been haunting you night and day for the last three years, stands before you with his hand stopping mid-air, about to ring your doorbell once more before you suddenly swang your door open.
“H-hi…” He says, in the same husky voice that trickles down like honey. It feels so surreal to hear him again—to see him again. You’ve been imagining him standing on the other side of your door like this countless times before but you never allowed yourself to see what happened past that, knowing that it would only hurt you even more.
And now that he’s here…
What am I supposed to say?
He looks exactly the same, not a day older. He’s still the most handsome man you’ve ever seen, with smooth golden skin kissed by the sun. He still owns the same high cheekbones, the same inviting plump lips, and the same beautiful long brown hair that’s cascading down to his shoulders. It’s as if not a second has passed by since the day you bid each other farewell with your hearts being trampled to the ground.
You can’t speak. It’s already a miracle that you can still suck air into your lungs.
Just like you, his mind turns blank as his eyes grow twice their size. You’re wearing his hoodie. Three years after your break-up, and you still wear it as if you had never stopped being his lover. Something claws against the walls of his stomach as the memories of those morning kisses you shared with him are revived in his head. You look just as adorable, just as beautiful, and God, it hurts him. Seeing you wear his clothes used to be his favorite thing to wake up to and now it just feels like God is playing the vilest joke on him.
You’ve lost weight. That’s the other thing he can tell once he’s calmed himself down. Even when half of your body is hidden underneath his oversized hoodie, he can still tell by the dip of your collarbones and the little protruding bones on your wrists. You seem pale with dark circles under your eyes, but none of them shocks him as much as the fact that you’ve been crying. He hates it. He always hates it when you cry, even when you look beautiful when you do. Tears don’t belong in your eyes. He wants you to have a smile written on your lips and nothing more. And he wants to be the reason for that smile. And yet, just standing before you like this, he becomes the reason behind your tears.
It takes everything within him not to reach out a hand and stroke your cheek, wanting to provide comfort with every fiber of his being. “It’s been a while,” he says, a delicate smile gracing his lips. “How are you?”
You feel layers of unsettling emotion, a sob threatening to rise fast to your lips. “Umm… Yeah… I’m—” Your words are strangled in your throat. “I’m doing well.”
“I’m glad.” Eren is wearing a denim jacket over a white tee, his bag slinging on one shoulder. His grip tightens around the strap as he tries to sort out his words. “Sorry for showing up so suddenly like this. I’m in the country for the next two weeks. I’ve got, umm… I’ve got a gig.”
“Oh…” You swallow. “So you’ve… graduated, huh?”
“Yeah, finally,” he chuckles, still sounding a bit tense but he’s doing much better than you do in masking his emotions. “I thought I was going to get expelled for taking too long. But I graduated two years ago, actually. And I got myself a job as a photojournalist. It sucks. I hate it. But it pays well and I get to travel for free so...”
You hear his words but you can’t seem to let them sink in. He’s like a ghost, materializing out of thin air, and your brain can’t differentiate between your dream and reality. “Congratulations,” you can only say.
“Thanks.”
Silence is like a pair of invisible hands that strangulate you by the throat and Eren can feel it too. Casting his gaze downward, he shifts his weight from one foot to another. “So, umm…” He clears his throat. “I just… I just thought I’d swing by to say hi since I’m in the country. I’m glad to see you’re doing well.”
You’re not. And he can tell that you’re not. He’s just not sure if you would allow him to get close enough to you to ask the questions he’s itching to say. He’s afraid that you’d reject him. After what he’s done to you in the past, choosing to end your relationship without giving you a proper chance to explain, it’s only right for you to distance yourself away from him. Because that’s the reason why you hadn’t called, right? You were angry with him. Maybe you still are. But that’s where he’s wrong. You didn’t call because you were angry. You never called because you thought he was.
To Eren, the thought of you walking away from him isn’t as terrifying as the thought of you having another man’s name on your tongue. You don’t know how nerve-racking it was for him to press a finger against your doorbell. How every ring made his blood curdle, his brain creating a string of mental images of you sharing kisses with a new lover on the other side of your door.
What if I’m too late? Eren’s fear echoes through the maze of his mind. What if she’s moved on to someone else?
What if she doesn’t want to see me again?
What if this is a mistake?
His thoughts turn clamorous by the second that he has to curl his fingers against the side of his black jeans to stop him from acting irrationally. “Sorry,” he says, the rush of adrenaline that filled his system before dissipating fast. “I shouldn’t have come here. I—I’m gonna go—”
A hand finds his wrist before he could escape. You keep your head low, your bangs the perfect curtain to conceal your reddened eyes and the tears that mist over them.
“Coffee,” you say, your lower lip trembling as you form your next sentence. “Would you… stay for a cup of coffee?”
Eren’s gaze shifts down to where your hands are connected, fire dancing on his skin. Just how many nights has he spent thinking about feeling your touch again?
With his heart in his throat, he answers, “I would love to.”
***
The clock on the wall is a better conversationalist than you are as it constantly replies to Eren's words with a steady, monotonous rhythm, while you are drowning further in silence with nothing but your heartbeat ringing vehemently in your ears.
“Your apartment looks nice.”
“I think I understand why you like living in this country. It’s beautiful.”
“Armin is doing well. He asks about you from time to time. Said he missed arguing with you about Breaking Bad.”
You answer his every line almost with a nod or a shake of your head and nothing more. You’re afraid to use your words. Afraid that he’ll notice the crack in your voice. Afraid that that little crack would trigger the rest of your feelings to burst and explode like a broken dam.
Eren, despite his successful attempts at moving from one topic to another, feels like he’s been stalling and repeating himself. He doesn’t want to talk about the country you’re in, or Armin, or your apartment–he doesn’t care about any of those. Why are you still wearing my clothes? Do you still think about me? Do you still see me in everything you do? Is there another person in your life or are you still wishing for me to come back just as much as I’m dying to tell you how much I’m still in love with you now? These are the questions he’s yearning to say. He just needs to part his lips and form the words, but fear is a vicious murderer. It crushes his hope to dust before he can let it spread to his nerves. So he waits for you to say them, waits for you to be the stronger one.
But you don’t say anything.
Eternity seems to pass by in reticence–both of you sitting on the dining table with your mugs between your hands and your shoulders slumped forward. The coffee you made him tasted like nostalgia. The sweetness of your first kiss, the bitterness of your last goodbye. Funny how your coffee would usually be left cold and forgotten as you were both too caught up in conversation. But right now, you let it burn your tongue, wishing that it would give you an excuse to remain silent.
Eren’s phone rings and both of your bodies jolt in surprise. “Excuse me,” he says a moment before he picks up the call. “Yes? Oh, no, it’s okay. I’m at my friend’s place right now.”
His friend, you chew on your lip, feeling your heart drop. Of course. I should be thankful that at least he still regards me as a friend. And yet, your eyes grow hot, your fingers clawing against the coffee mug that’s been resting between your hands.
The call ends and Eren comes back to you with his bottom lip caught between his teeth. “I, uhh… I have to go,” Eren says as he returns his phone inside the pocket of his jeans. “That was my director calling. There’s a sudden change in tomorrow’s schedule so I have to meet up and reshape our plans.”
He’s leaving. You panic. He’s going to leave me again. Am I just going to let him go like this? What if this is truly going to be the last time I’ll ever be able to see him? I still have so many questions I want him to answer. I still want to hear your voice.
Eren…
I still want to see you, so, please…
Please don’t go.
But your body betrays you in the end, your lips only moving to say, “Okay.”
“Okay.” He feigns another smile, just like what he’s been doing for the past half an hour. When he rises back to his feet, you mimic his action. “Thank you for the coffee,” he says, so politely that it feels unsettling. “It was really nice to see you again.”
You sink your nails into your palms, hard enough to make yourself bleed. You give him a nod and nothing else.
Shackles bound your feet together as you walk him to your front door. The doorknob feels cold underneath your quivering fingers but it feels like you’re sinking into a frozen lake with ice daggers piercing through your skin the moment Eren walks past you without stopping to offer you a last embrace. He keeps his hand tight around the strap of his bag, turning around just to say, “Please take care of yourself,” while he keeps the rest of his line to himself.
I wish you can be happy without me, I really do, he says only for the demons in his head to hear. But if you wish for me to stay… If there’s even a fragment of you that still wants me, I pray that you will act on it now.
Because I can’t live without you.
I don’t want to go.
I want to be with you.
I want you to love me again.
Please…
Please say that you love me.
But when you say nothing, he has to face reality. The reality where he’s nothing more but a memory, maybe even one that you wish to forget. And so, there’s only one thing left to say.
“Goodbye.”
When he walks away, Eren feels like walking barefoot on top of broken shards. He’s bleeding. He can feel his heart is, but you’re not there anymore to mend his wound. He smiles brokenly to himself.
I'm an idiot.
I shouldn't have come here.
But then he feels your hand grabbing the edge of his jacket’s sleeve and he turns around, radiant jade green eyes growing wide at the sight of you staring at him with your lips parted in a silent call of his name, your glassy eyes shaking.
For a second, the earth stands still.
“I’m…” You retract your hand, your stomach churning that you feel you’re on the verge of collapsing. You couldn’t stop your body from moving, only realizing once it did. It was a mistake. You shouldn’t have done it. You’re only going to make things even more unbearable than it is now. If you tell him the truth, if you wish for him not to go, then you can’t even be his friend anymore. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I… I’m sorry.”
But a moment of weakness is a moment of honesty. And Eren sees it. He understands it.
And that’s enough for him to abandon everything.
“Fuck this.”
Eren traps your jaw between his long fingers and smashes your lips together. You fall back, almost losing your balance as he pushes you inside your apartment and uses your body to slam the front door closed. He tosses his bag to the ground, driving you further up the door with his mouth scorching hot against yours. You’re doing everything at once—calling his name between short gasps, fingers clawing against the front of his shirt, tears lining down your cheeks.
Eren, Eren, Eren.
He kisses you with a degree of passion that can’t be found in anyone else. He plays music with your heartstrings and dances with your body in the way no one else ever did. You have found him again, your puppeteer, and he feels the same way. It’s easy for you to let loose, to let him take control and own you like he did before. This feels right.
If he’s being honest, Eren feels like he wants to cry. The taste of your lips, even if it’s layered by the saltiness of your tears, this is what he’s yearned during your years of separation—craved it until his whole body feels like it was burning to ashes. You’re here. You’re finally here in his arms again. The amount of happiness that surges through him paralyzes him, but your fingers sliding against his chest keep him alive.
“I love you,” he says between a string of heavy kisses, his voice muted by your lips. “I’m still in love with you.” He takes a hold of your wrist before he laces his fingers with yours, bringing your hand over your head and pinning it against the door. “Fuck, I can never love anyone else but you.”
You whimper against his mouth, struggling to return the words as you’re choked by your own sobs and submerged in his kisses. But Eren can tell and that’s enough. He will let your body speak for you.
Eren lifts your body enough for you to tangle your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. He makes his way to the bedroom, two bodies meshed together in a queen-size bed. Clothes are shed in an instant, fabrics being pulled and tugged so harshly, you almost tear holes on his shirt. But once your bare skin grazes him, the softness of your belly plastered against the ridges of his abdomen, time seems to slow down. And it’s only when Eren’s lips are carving delicate strokes on the skin that covers your heart, that you can finally express the words you’ve been dying to say.
“Me too,” you breathe out, cradling his head in your arms, fingers weaving through his long strands. “I’m still in love with you, Ren…”
Eren feels his heart tremble. “You are..?”
You nod, capturing his lips in a chaste kiss. “I’ve never stopped loving you. I think about you every day. You don’t know how happy I am to see you–to be with you like this. Honestly, I–” A peal of laughter escapes your lips, just as soft and heartwarming as your smile. “It still feels like a dream to me.”
He feels tears prickling in the corner of his eyes. “It’s not a dream,” he says, nuzzling his nose into your neck. “I’m here with you now.”
And I’ll never let you go again.
Eren tries to avoid meeting your gaze as he knows he will break apart if he does. There’s just too much happiness for him to bear. He crawls down your body, each kiss he paints on your skin is a form of praise and affection on its own. He closes his eyes, his eyelashes damp with the tears he doesn’t allow to fall.
“I’ve missed you,” he says, mouthing the words against your thigh as he settles himself between your legs. “I’ve missed you so much, baby…”
He takes his time, and you’re thankful that he does. Burned by his passion is a great way to cure your longing, but the pang in your chest can only be healed if you’re smothered by his love. And Eren is ready to give it to you. He’s ready to do anything, give you everything, even if it means destroying himself in the process.
But you’ll never destroy his heart, will you? After all, even when you left him, your heart remained where it was. With him. Right now, he can truly believe it.
His lips carve love marks on your thighs, his beautiful eyes making their way to yours. He moves to your center, mouth moving agonizingly slow. He kisses the spot he’s kissed million times before and you almost close your legs around his head. He smiles. Your reaction is still the same. No matter how many times he’s done this to you, it always feels like the first time. And when he hasn’t done this in three years, it’s only natural for your body to scream with every bit of his touch.
“Ren…” you sigh in bliss, pushing back his hair. He moans at the sound of his name rolling off your tongue, clamping his lips around your clit as his gaze turns hazy. You’re beautiful. So fucking beautiful. Even without your make-up, even when your eyes are still glassy and puffy from all the tears you shed, even when he can still taste the alcohol on your tongue, you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. It’s your heart that makes you different. It’s your love for him that turns you into a goddess in his eyes. And it’s his love for you that makes you beautiful—makes you feel beautiful.
Eren can spend hours pleasuring you like this, with his stomach pressed against the sheets, his arms hooked around your thighs, and his tongue savoring your taste from your slit. But you gently tug on his hair, putting a halt to his movement. One look at your face and he knows you can’t wait. Neither of you can.
He climbs up your body, his lips returning to where they belong. You circle your legs around his waist, lifting your hips as he presses down, two souls moaning in pleasure at the sensation.
“I didn’t bring a condom with me,” he says against your neck, almost deliriously.
“It’s okay–ah–” you gasp out, arching your back when he draws your nipple between his mouth, rolling the bud between his teeth before he sucks hard enough to paint purplish blooms on your chest. “I want you so please, just–just hold me, Ren…”
The desperation in your voice causes his desire to cloud his senses. He wants to take this slow, savoring every moment, but you’re making it harder by the second. He kisses you in the way he knows you adore, and that’s anywhere, everywhere, so long as it’s his lips on your skin. “Say it again.” He frames your cheek, thumb sliding against your bruised bottom lip. “Tell me you want me.”
He’s grinding against your folds, the underside of his length rubbing over your clit. “I want you.” You tangle your fingers around his necklace, pulling him down even further until his lips are just a breath away. “I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything else.” Satisfied with your answer, he melds his lips over yours in a way that bonds you to him, and you lose all semblance of reality. In his arms, you feel safe. At this moment, you feel infinite.
Eren aligns himself, his forehead pressing against yours as you taste each other’s breath. “Baby…” He gradually presses in, eyebrows furrowed and his gaze intent. He fills you up in the best way possible, his cock velvety hot, pulsing inside you. “God, you’re perfect.”
The corner of his lower lip is tucked between his teeth as he tries to hold himself back but you urge him to move, digging your fingertips into his shoulders as you ride the thrill he gives you. After spending years in the absence of his warmth, every slide of your skin against his evokes raw emotions that leave your mind dysfunctional. “I want to be with you, Ren.” You hold him close, letting him bury his head into your neck. “In all sense of meaning. I made a mistake and I regret it every single day. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved, the only man I will ever love, so please…” You quietly sob. “Don’t leave me again…”
His tear falls to your cheek, unable to put a lid on his emotions when you told him the words he didn’t know he had been wishing to hear. And despite your tears, you smile like it’s the only thing you know how. Contentment fills your heart as you kiss his tears away, and he laughs quietly, sheepishly, ashamed that he’s showing this vulnerable side of him in front of you. But that’s the whole point, isn’t it? He can only be like this—shedding every layer of his facade, tearing down every wall he has built—when he’s with you. You give him the freedom to do whatever he wants, and in return, he’ll grant you your every wish.
And if you wish for him to stay, then he will. Right here in your arms where you both feel complete. “I won’t,” he promises, his lips brushing against your temple. “I’ll stay with you. As long as you want me to.”
The contact and drag of his body flow in waves as he pushes in and out with fluid thrusts, and you match his movement, swaying to the rhythm that he sets. “I want to stay just like this with you, forever.”
It feels like Deja Vu when you hear the words you spoke and Eren feels it too. He plants a brief kiss on your lips before he says, “I don’t think it’s physically possible.” He offers you the same answer you gave him that night, his voice laced with mirth even when it still trembles.
You hear yourself giggling at his words, something that you thought you’d forgotten how to do. You tangle your limbs around his body, your lips forming his name as they graze the shell of his ear. Eren’s heart swells twice its size in his chest. He’s spurred on by the idea of you loving him, completely out of your mind, body twisting in his grasp.
“Baby,” he calls breathlessly, groaning at the feeling of your walls clenching tight around him. “I won’t last long if–ah–if you keep doing that–”
You catch his lips again, drowning in every bit of the sweet sounds he makes. “It’s okay.” Because you’re just the same, feeling like you’re about to explode in ecstasy. You melt together, effortless and flowing, whole and light, and so filled with love. It’s terrifying how good this feels. How every thrust, every kiss, and every moan, they satisfy you not only physically, but soulfully and eternally too.
Your fingers are buried in his strands, twirling and pulling at the tufts, earning a soft hum from him that’s lost on your lips as he leans into you. “Eren, I’m–I’m close–”
“Me too–ah–baby, you gotta let go or I'll–”
“It's okay.” Your legs are shaking as you wrap them tighter around his waist, pulling him lower until there’s not an inch of space between your chests. “Come inside me.”
I never want to let you go.
Eren kisses you deep and hard as you crash over with a cry of his name. Hearing and feeling you come apart around him has his hips stuttering and his voice caught. He follows soon after, his fingers clawing against the sheets as he rides the rush of pleasure. The erratic movements of his hips turn lazy, uncoordinated, and he lets out the softest of giggles when he kisses you again. “I’m so happy I could die,” you hear him say and they match the words you’ve been saying in the back of your mind.
“Me too.” You pull his hair off his forehead and tilt his face toward you to view him as best as you can in the dimness of your room. He’s trapped in a haze, lost himself even more in the depth of your eyes. He’s about to taste your lips again when you whisper, “Welcome home, Ren…”
Eren pauses, his blush smearing fast from his cheeks to the tip of his ears. His face contorts as though he’s struggling not to cry again. “I’m home,” he murmurs back, his lips beautifully dawning into a smile. He gently swats your hair out of your face, his gaze softens as he rakes his eyes all over your features. There are so many things to say, and he wonders if he has the time to say them all. Even if he does, will words suffice? Will they be enough to describe the things you make him feel? How complete, how infinite, how every bit of his soul is burned with a fierce joy that he’s never felt before–will his words ever be enough?
No, they won’t.
“Eren?” You incline your head, frowning. “Is there something wrong?”
Maybe someday, he’ll find them. The words that are beautiful enough to elucidate your divine grace and this profound happiness that you shroud him with. And when he says them, they won’t just be sentences to sway your heart. They will be a string of vows, and he wants the world to hear them. He wants his Lord to stand as his witness.
Until then…
“I have a question I’ve been wanting to ask you for years,” Eren says, intertwining your fingers together. “Even after we broke up, I kept thinking about it. In my head, there was only you. I would never be able–no, I would never want to ask anyone else. It has to be you. And maybe this isn’t the perfect time to do this but I just–I feel like my heart is about to burst if I don’t ask you now.”
You search his eyes, wanting to catch a clue and when you fail, you turn tense. “What is it?”
Truthfully, he feels just as nervous as you are. If you are anxious by the thought of his question, he’s terrified of how your answer would be. Even so, he decides to risk it all.
His lips dance on your knuckles before he pulls away to call upon your name. He peppers the sweetest of kisses slowly, deliberately to your cheeks, your nose, and finally your lips. And when he speaks, you can feel his words and his smile blooming on your skin.
“Will you marry me?”
***
AN: Finally, it's out! Sorry for the long wait, I was having the hardest time trying to finish this one. I'm not really proud of this but I really hope you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for reading and let me know what you think ❤️ Massive thanks to Sandra who beta-ed this for me, you're the real MVP, babe, I love you!
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to you, my woman al haitham + kaveh.
sum. royalty au, not with genshin lore, and a COMPLETE brainfart omg i just needed to get this out
i. first impressions always count | 3.4k words
the lies and the truths: two terms that bind together to make balance. the reflection of the water in the basin mimics you. the wavering ripples and droplets that yelp each time your hand moves in it. a cold morning is what it is. eyebags that couldn't have been more protruding, a frown that holds every unspoken emotion, eyes that rid themselves of numbness — a sickening morning. you're alone, thankfully. amidst the sun's warming beams holds a dull you.
the day you've loathed has come. at the last supper, where a few envoys from the land of the righteous, sumeru, had arrived on the queen's note to deliver her qwords. it was but a slight favour on your side; hidden in her handwritten letter, she offered a deal: marry your daughter to my son. such can benefit both, if you permit. the answer lay in your palms — choose wisely, king.
her offer — or rather, her threat—held her attitude throughout. compared to your father, she's someone to worship. like a fool to a tyrant, your father had no choice. each day by the hour, does your blood seethe with hatred. annoyance for your family, hatred for your greed-ridden father, revulsion for everything that dawns in this damned kingdom.
from the second you were born, they've placed their wants on you. praising you, forcing you, making you their pure goddess. within enevis's dome was the saying "she who borns shall become she who reigns." it's derived directly from the gods that once served these grounds day and night. sitting boldly at the temple's front, the transcript reads words that were shed from the mighty himself to the new goddess. ever since that moment, to her people who live, each time a woman has been blessed into the royalty, she shall be called 'the goddess' descent.'
just pure tomfoolery. what is a deity to a man? a nobel to a peasant? a dream to a non-believer? you've been dragged on as a saintess all your life. controlled like a puppet by its master. a sing-song tale of marionette to her box; she's stuck in a neverending loop, unable to grasp free no matter the attempts. almost like you, who once tried marriage to set yourself free. at the very least, you loved him.
he wasn't anyone special — an average man, is what he was. compared to your status as enevis's sole princess, he was a pedestrian, at least. a farmer on the outskirts of town, producing homegrown crops for the capital's people (not that he earned much anyway). the first time you laid your eyes on him was when you snuck out through the window. it was idiotic, truly, but alas, it gave you a sense of peace. you had to pay off the guards that stood at their posts. one could only pray that your gold was enough for them.
nights of sneaking out turned into marriage. a marriage that wasn't approved of, no matter the pleas. nevertheless, you were a grown woman. you made your choice, even if it angered your mother.
parallel to euphoria, a six-month run was well lived. you couldn't quite clear your status as a princess, but you could've lived with him. a husband and his wife, both living quietly at their home. it wasn't the extravagance you were shaped into, but it felt comfortable. such dreams can only last a minute, unfortunately.
had you known. had you only known that your father wasn't going to let you wander off through his grip. He was enraged at your marriage. "was your vacation enough?" he asked, using your husband's chest as his sword's stand. your father looked at the victim in disgust; he never expected your vision to be so low. so vile, so impure. a shame is what you've become. running around with this peasant while holding the royal name was something the king wouldn't tolerate.
he lacked care for you — hell be damned, he never cared for you. the words write a she but a he is what your father craved. a son, a copy of himself. listening to his wife's words, he believed the sour dream of you becoming him. but alas, you showed him that a vulnerable woman will never be fit for the throne. your father did not a care for you. he didn't bother to retrieve his sword, nor did he bother to comfort you. if you wish to grieve and weep for some random, then so be it. as long as you were back by the moon's descent, he didn't care for your horrors.
quite pitiful, really. it's been hardly a week since that occurred. you weren't given time to grieve — after all, royalty never crumbles. your so-called wedding with al-haitham is due the following week. preparations will take a week. from enevis to sumeru takes roughly two days, granted that the sea is gracious. lost in your train of thought, you mindlessly sink your gaze into the mirror, hoping that soon you'll regain everything.
"my lady, have you completed your morning?" three knocks on the door awaken you. behind the porcelain door stood your lady-in-waiting, adila. aside from your nanny, she was your closest person in the entire palace.
"just a moment, adila," answering her, you scatter across the room to wear your robe. truth be revealed, you didn't do anything but splash some water around.
you walk towards the door, paying close attention not to just give up and run back to your bed. oh, how tempting giving up sounds! turning the knob, you open the door until it reaches your shoulder, preferring to just peek your head out. such actions were totally not done to observe if any of the other maids were nearby. confirming adila's sole presence, you wrap a hand around hers, pulling her into your room before locking the door.
"must i really go to the dining room? seeing their old heads will fill me with nothing but rage!" you immediately begin your complaints. although it is true that you were in slumber, you cannot deny that you overhead the maids talking about new guests that came to dine.
adila softly laughs. to her, she enjoys moments where you spew words of anger day to night. it's not often you get to speak with such freedom — even your maids are ears for your father. your every movement will be recorded. he cannot afford another shameful action from you.
"it must be done, my lady. what can we do against his majesty's order?" maneuvering across your chamber, she attends to your bed, working her hands to smoothen the silk sheets.
"to hell with him!"
───
throughout the silent hall, your heels clacked with each step, producing some sort of sound in the deafening silence. at both sides stood two maids — you don't know them. you've avoided learning of any maid the second you learned of spies planted in your palace. sickening and vile. you lack even a sense of comfort in your own wing. the stifling feeling never left; it's as if there's a constant hand pushing down your throat, preventing any particle of air from entering.
slowing your steps, you stop at your palace's entrance. they don't need to follow me. you turn your head to the maid on the right. raising your hand, you notify them both, "you need not follow me any longer. carry on somewhere else."
"but princess —"
"you need not."
"we understand," bowing slightly, they made their exit. you don't care enough to look where they're going — to hell with him and to hell with them.
mindlessly strolling through your garden, you allow your hand to glide through the rose bushes, not caring about the thorns that pierce your skin. if you were deemed impure then who would give care?
the walk from your palace to the main palace took roughly ten minutes. you can only wish that it lasted longer. entering the palace, a nauseous feeling grabs hold of you. you've only touched a centimeter in yet it's still disgusting. memories never leave — to be more exact, those memories never leave.
"are you okay, princess?" a worker, who you couldn't be bothered to learn his position, questioned about your wellbeing. his eyes observed your physical appearance. you were standing upright, like a true royalty, however the evidence of negativity dawned. your unfocused eyes tell more than your words.
"do not worry about me, i am fine," giving him an answer, you focus your vision on him. is he a chef? you wonder. his suit varied from the other male staff: a simple marine blue suit, a lengthy coat that ran down to his mid-calves, white velvet gloves that stopped at his elbows, and a chef's cart standing in front of him. from the dishes standing in it, it seems as though he's going to the same destination you share.
"are these for the morning dine? with the envoys?" you inquire. if it's the truth, you'll enter with him.
"ah, yes, it's the appetizers as the main brunch has yet to finish," he gestures to the top dish before he continues, "would you like to join me to the room, princess?"
"that'll be appreciated," nodding, you both continue on to path that leads south. hopefully one angers the gods and they send two lightning strikes down as a lesson, if that'll ever happen.
arriving at the door, the guards announce your entrance as it opens from the inside.
too bright, you think.
small, hesitant steps were taken as you tried hard to focus on your practiced emotions. you did not suffer atrocious lessons to falter at the sight of a damned family.
"good morning, all. may her rays shine gold," you greet everyone at the table. prefering to not say another sentence until it's over.
"have you slept well?" your mother asked, placing two extra breadsticks on your plate.
"i did. thank you for asking, mother," you replied, opting to not look at her or anyone.
resting his palms flat on the table, your father interrupts to begin the brunch, "let us begin the feast."
───
quite some time has passed, judging from the multi-colored clouds that decorates the sky's canvas. you're all in the main garden, discussing the final actions that'll take place in enevis. well, that excludes you. you fear that you've long blurred out their conversation — it's uninteresting and draining.
another thirty minutes has passed and yet they've failed to finish their conversation. if you're not given freedom anytime soon, you're going to start malfunctioning.
"it's been decided then. y/n, you'll travel to sumeru today," your father speaks, signing off his signature on the scroll.
"pardon me? today?" you're taken by surprise. maybe you should've kept up with at least the schedule. looking around, you begin to worry about your luggage, "and about my belongings? i don't believe they're bagged already."
"they are."
"oh, alright then," sighing, you sit back into the chair. since when did they do that? you think.
───
two days have gone since you've left enevis for sumeru. the sea was graceful, thankfully, but it didn't cease the sea sickness.
sumeru is a beautiful kingdom — you cannot deny. it's laced with greenery and architecture that symbolizes its history. unfortunately, leisure time is what you lack. preparations for the wedding will swallow every millisecond of your time. even in your slumber it'll haunt you. the carriage ride to the central city was quiet. you only took your lady-in-waiting to this trip as you do not need more eyes to lurk on you.
you don't remember much from the journey — in all honesty, you blanked out. heavens be cursed you don't even know how you got in this room. it appears to be his office. the ornaments and funiture deprive it from being named a relaxing room. his desk was the messiest of all; multiple layers of scrapped paper, crumbled balls of different colored paper, pens and pencils alike scattered across and last but not least, him. he isn't your soon-to-be husband, but he seems like someone important.
his aura is soft. aside from his shirt having the top three buttons undone, sleeves rolled up to his forearm, his coat long abandoned to the side couch, hair tied in a messy bun — is that a straw? well, it looks like someone has been sleeping out in their office.
"please, forgive the mess. i've been slaving for the new building," he speaks up, hands moving with pace to make him and his desk presentable.
"do not worry. take your time, sir," reassuring him, you gift him a genuine smile. at the very least you can be at ease in sumeru.
a smile dawns his face as his shoulders relax. seems like he swore you would've been a rude individual. finishing his... routine... he reaches a hand out to you as he greets himself, "call me kaveh. i'm the marquess of sumeru, head of the architect ministry."
accepting his hand, you follow suit, "i am y/n l/n, first princess of enevis, second to the throne."
"forgive me if i offend but are you not supposed to be the first to the throne?" kaveh asks, his confusion is more than obvious.
"i would've, however, i do not care for the throne. the archduchess is in lead for it," you explain the throne-tree to him. your answer was only half the truth — while it's not a lie that you do not care, it's also the fact that you're too lazy to rule an entire kingdom (but no one needs this knowledge).
kaveh's mouth shapes into an 'O', he nods at your answer as he sits back down. offering you some cookies, he begins once again, "whenever you are ready we can head over to his highness."
"i understand," your curiosity about the prince was immediately quelled without having to say a word. bringing a cookie to your mouth, you hold a hand under your chin for any fallen crumbs.
"heavens, these are delightful!" complimenting the cookies, you hum at the sweet taste.
"they truly are! collei made them. she's a student at the ministry of agriculture and medicine but she's an amazing baker," kaveh rambles. he's quite happy that you truly aren't a "stuck up" princess.
after some time relaxing and listening to kaveh's rambles, you've decided that you'd go to see his highness. don't get it wrong — you adore kaveh and his voice is soothing but you also wish to see your husband.
on the path to al-haitham's wing of the palace, your sense of joy return as your conversations with kaveh never ends. he's a comfortable energy to be around. much different from the sour ecstacy that drowns your home. he's a talker and you're a listener — a combination crafted by the heavens, if you will.
the stroll hadn't past more than fifteen minutes — that itself isn't the accurate time... due to kaveh's excitement to plaster your attention on the details of each pillar. according to his sources, he spent eons delicately crafting every design, paying heed to incorporate historical transcripts and symbols. you both were content with your conversations but to your dismay, all things must come to an end. that and your soon-to-be husband awaits your arrival allegedly.
"we're here! i'll escort you up to his office. he should be there alone," he speaks, holding one hand out to guide you along the staircase.
his hands are soft.
accepting his offer, you gift another smile, "thank you, sir kaveh."
"just kaveh is fine, princess."
"then so be it. call me by my given name as well."
oh, kaveh thinks. to say he's captured by surprise would be a hellish understatement. times like these are where he wishes biology never worked the way it did. the soft pink overlay at the tip of his ears surely didn't go unnoticed.
deciding to refuse, kaveh stumbles on his sentence, "i — i cannot do that, princess."
an expected reaction. you must allow him this, it's only fair as he allowed you.
"please do, kaveh. it is only fair."
fuck, he swears that he isn't this easily flustered. a simple sentence — nothing about it should be this heart-racing. is it because you said it? maybe he needs to visit the nearest hospital.
covering the lower half of his face with the back of his free hand, kaveh continues to escort you to his highness' office. unfortunately for him, he'll have to leave right after. being a marquess and a minister is not an easy job.
───
tense, awkward, and boring. what an uninteresting individual is he. you will not deny, he's quite the eye-catcher, however, he lacks the personality. the minute you entered his office, he greeted you and went back to his paper work. you cannot say he's rude — you were technically disrupting him but is it hard to give you two minutes of his time?! well, the conversation-starter lays in your palms.
"your highness, would you like a cup of tea?"
"no."
okay, rude.
clicking your tongue, you decided it'll be best to leave it in his hands... not.
it's been hours. if another minute passes, you'll give into the urges and slouch. a princess must never lose her composure but this princess might just! the time you've spent observing and making mental analogies of this prince, it is safe to assume that you hate his guts.
a princess that despises awkward situations and a stoic prince. it'll end well, right..?
"accept my apologies, i prefered to finish my documents before attending to you," al-haitham speaks, finally arising from behind his desk and to you.
"it is all right, prince," you lied.
al-haitham walks around his desk, adjusting his cuffs while he made his way to you. compared to kaveh, his energy is dull; he seems as if the light of life had been vacuumed out of his body. you keep your gaze on his figure — he's lean, to say the least. as he sits, you dash your eyes to look somewhere else.
such eyes are too intimidating — it reminds you of your father. al-haitham on the other hand, he calls for a maid to bring in delicacies and such. he will not tolerate leaving his guests deprived of food.
"would you like to discuss the wedding? everything else such as the coronations have been handled prior," he speaks up, educating you on the details you've missed.
"i don't see a reason not to," you replied, smiling at the maids as you whispered a "thank you" to them.
al-haitham leans forward to the coffee table, raising the tea cup to blow the steam.
"well, i'd first say that i will not be bedding you the first night."
"that is quite all — excuse me?" your automatic answer was cut short. just how high is his audacity? how rude to think you'd bed a man like him!
"please, take no offense. i would rather not bed anyone. it is not you, princess," clearing you from any suspicion, he continues to not pay you any mind.
"that is not — anyway, prince, i believe we should set some boundaries?" you suggested, trying your best to calm the twitching vein under your right eye.
"i'll see it done. is a written contract okay with you?" he replies. better than hearing you speak. he may be rude but at least he's tolerable. hopefully.
"yes, i do not mind." with your answer finishing the marriage conversation, you two continue on with casual topics. he's a talker, all right. it seems like he's the person to continue on once you've introduced a topic of his liking.
fortunately, all bad things come to an end. as the moon illuminates, al-haitham decided to end it here. though, before you make your leave, there are a few words he must say.
"i'll see you at the banquet. my staff will send over a gown — it matches with my suit. please do wear it," notifying you about his absolute god-sent kindess (he was forced to.)
al-haitham walks with you to the exit. a blessing of relief washes over him once his eyes landed on someone that appears to be your lady-in-waiting.
"my lady!" adila's steps fasten towards you. she smiles and then stops. who is this peculiar individual? deciding the give a bow of respect, she greets al-haitham, "goodnight, sir who i do not know of."
a chuckle was heard at the right of al-haitham's side. it appears to him that you find this amusing.
"just 'prince' is fine."
"yes — PRINCE?!" adila's eyes display her exact thought process. it's evident that she's thinking something along the lines of "dear heavens, i hope they don't behead me."
"pardon my intrusion, i will leave now. see you at the banquet, prince," you interrupted their conversation — knowing adila, she'd stumble on her words and unleash a train of apologies.
"oh, yes. let us go, my lady!"
ii. banquets, fake impressions and hateful actions | 1.1k words
it's alluring. a gown parallel to the morning sky, diamonds littered around its collar. silver accents adorn its front, reaching down to its very center. ruffled patterns accentuate the back, creating more volume than you could ever ask for. perhaps al-haitham has more to him than a robotic personality.
you're in awe. of course, you've had beautiful gowns before but this — this is just gorgeous. the reflection in the mirror captivated you like no other. your hands slid down the front, adoring the way it complimented your body.
"you look wonderful, my lady. sure to be most explenditurefous!" adila complimented. she busies herself with dusting off your heels as she's the only maid left in your chamber.
"explenditurefous?" you asked, rather confused about the sudden unknown word.
"no word can describe your beauty, so i made my own!" she cleared.
earning a smile from you, you softly laugh at her logic. adila's truly someone you can't live without.
"thank you, adila."
───
the banquet.. is definitely a banquet..! you're not sure if it's because you're in a different kingdom, but they sure do things different to enevis. for the past hour you've held your stance to the side; more comfortable with the option to sit back and lurk rather than to be the main attraction — which is foolish. you, a kingdom's princess, can never hide. your gown matches with that of sumeru's crown prince. only a fool can miss that sign.
swirling your champagne glass, you hum at the difference in people that decorate the banquet's room. they all look beautiful — especially kaveh. looks like he knows how to appear alive when he isn't cooped up in his office.
the music changed? you wonder, carefully listening to the soft, sensual rhythm crafted by the chior.
"my lady, would you care to do me this dance?" someone asks, bowing slightly as he holds out his hand for yours. you don't know him — it's also rather unfortunate that he isn't your type.
"oh, my ap—"
"move along. do not try to dance with her."
well excuse me, you think. it's obvious by his tone who the voice belongs to. a stoic voice for a stoic man, sumeru's crown prince, al-haitham.
he towers over the stranger, eyes oozing of annoyance and authority. al-haitham himself doesn't know why he's so irritated by someone trying to dance with you. is it not basic etiquette? dances shared with others are nothing but a noble's etiquette. nothing more, nothing less. so why must be seethe with rage at the image of you dancing with someone else at the center of the room?
"you, come with me," sliding his hand to your lower back, al-haitham guides you to a deserted room. whether you like it or not, he has business with you.
"heaven forbid! must we walk so fast?!" complaining, you came to a complete stop.
somewhere in the building's balcony, you two stand. the moon's light rains a soft, dim light across both. there's a soft wind that blesses the night. it's romantic — if you weren't stuck with him. you're annoyed that he takes action without — at the very least — talking to you.
and al-haitham? he's lost. physically, he looks bored. mentally, he's panicking. curse his mother for summoning such a breathtaking woman, really.
"you've been blatantly ignoring me ever since the universe was shaped," frowning at him, you poke at his chest. you'll do whatever it takes to show him your annoyance.
"have you any idea how sickening that is —"
huh — why is he — what's going on?
you, him, and a kiss. al-haitham's hand moves from its position at your lower back to your waist. one hand busies itself playing with your gown's jewellry as the other focuses on resting on your cheek. not that you are complaining — actually it's quite the opposite; contrast to your hatred for his attitude, you do not mind getting physical with him. he is, indeed, quite the appetizer.
pulling away, al-haitham's eyes remain in yours. it takes him a few seconds to recollect himself before speaking, "my apologies."
at times like these do you wish adila was here. you're completely out of any sensible answers. fiddling with your fingers, you decide it's to keep it short, "it's fine — but were you not the one who said "no physical contact" prince?"
fuck, forgot about that, cursing himself in his mind, he refutes with a "smart" reply, "think less of it. simply consider it practice for our wedding."
was he not — okay.
"you're a funny guy, you know," succeeding in preventing yourself from malfunctioning, you continue, "a horrible liar too."
"refrain from such assumptions."
"no!"
───
making your grand entrance at the banquet's room, you immediately shuffle away from al-haitham. the buffet calls for you — he can practice patience. sneaking to the buffet, you mentally drool at the sight of different desserts gracing your view. so many to eat, so many to taste. if the goddess permits, you can plan a robbery with adila and send her to your chamber with hidden desserts.
"what're you doing, y/n?" another familiar voice speaks, slightly scaring you in the process.
"who — oh, kaveh!" you beam at him. you've noticed that every time kaveh comes into the picture, your energy immediately restores. perhaps it's just his default power.
engulfing you in a small hug, kaveh snickers at the hidden yet loaded plate that sits behind you. using the clues, he can tell you were having the time of your life.
"you look magnificent," he compliments, completely taken by your appearance.
"you, too! your suit makes you look quite appealing, if i must," returning his compliment, you can feel yourself get giddy over his words. unlike al-haitham, kaveh's somewhat a sweet-talker. but what he lacks is what al-haitham has: boldness. contrast to him, al-haitham's quick with his actions. he acts on command but lacks to verbal confidence.
kaveh clears his throat. as sumeru's marquess, he mustn't show any signs of blushing — especially when he can feel al-haitham's stare digging two holes behind his skull. kaveh, more than anyone, knows sumeru's prince. having grown up with him, he can tell that the intense one-sided eye contact either means 1) get away from her or 2) find yourself here now. and to kaveh, he believes both options hold the same amount of truth.
"well, i have to go before he shoves me to the underworld. i'll see you around, y/n," saying his goodbyes, kaveh hurriedly shuffles through the crowd.
unable to speak due to the cupcake occupying your mouth, you wave at his running figure before returning your attention to the food.
looks like it's going to be a rather rough time being stuck between a prince and a marquess.
#+ rizsu: genshin.#not proofread my humble apologies#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#kaveh x reader#al haitham x reader#genshin x you
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Qsmp lore hcs and thoughts !
This is mostly character techno based so I’ll use Q!techno and also based around chayanne and some other things.
Phil mentioned that techno helped guide chayanne in the fight against ender!phil that lasted for like three days and I already had some like small lore on where technos been in the events of the qsmp character wise. Techno was a conduit for the blood god due to this the voices and everything onlt got worse with time and even healthy outlets fell through. Techno took this as a personal mission to bring his fight to the blood god in the spirit realm and left his own cloak and a note behind for Phil before leaving to go fight the gods themselves.
Thing is when techno won that fight and the blood god was slain there was now a new champion to take on the rule of blood and war kind of like a, ‘you kill the king you now are the new ruler situation’, you topple the god off his tower and now the realms deem you to be that god. Techno didn’t anticipate this and now is bound to be and become the new blood god and carry out his tasks and deeds and keep the realms in balance as the other gods. Bros just kind of winging being a god he didn’t come out here to be trapped in the spirit realm forever and become a immortal being, tis was not the plan.
In present day techno uses his god hood to watch over Phil and the his new family he has when the fight with the enderking happened between Phil and chay techno stood in to help guide chayanne through the whole fight where to stand how to hold his sword what to dodge when to strike he knew Phil better then anyone after all. Thing is after days and nights of this fight techno accidentally claimed chayanne to be the new blood god conduit a little soldier much how he was his entire life. Techno tried to speak with the gods saying it must be some sort of mistake but the gods told him it was simply fate. So techno took it in his hands to try to make chayanne better, stronger, and of more sound mind then he ever was using his mistakes of his past as simple warnings.
Of course when chayanne says he hears voices and has nightmares of war and slaughter and has this terrible need for violence Phil freaks out a bit. He’s seen all of this before he had a kid much the same toiled by blood and he’s watching closely to help like he did in the past nothing has changed.
Anyways besides story lore there’s also smaller bits of other little fun facts hc lore !
Only conduits of gods can see other gods, Phil is more likely to be able to see techno if he wakes up for a second during ender kings possession, unlike chay who can see him all the time. Phil is less blessed by a god and more being used like a puppet so he doesn’t have the luxury to see the gods as easily as chay would be able too. Chay can see the enderking wrapping himself around Phil and he hates it.
Techno is the new blood god but as such he kind of claimed the blood gods old memories from thousands of years and his powers making techno not the most sound of mind 24/7 he tries to be generally calm and teach about protection and defense but sometimes the voices beg for war and he can’t help the things he’s becoming (aka techno angst is real)
Will emerald duo ever reunite stay tuned cause gods can’t keep promises and even if the gods reach out and hold tight sometimes words can’t be reached by mortals of light.
Anyways I will make concepts of techno and chay for my lil hc lore au qsmp thing lol but I wanted to shout my thoughts into the void even if no one sees them. And if you do hope you enjoyed my ramble hope it made sense. If you have any questions you are free to ask but no pressure.
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I really like your new au.. I do have one quick question about it
is Wendell going to always be frightened and scared? Just wanted to ask
Thank you!
Wendell is generally a pretty anxious person, so the anxiousness he gets from meeting new alternates will never really go away. But! Wendell can ease up around the ghosts that have been around him frequently and clearly show no sign of hostility.
The “original” Wally ghost, being the on the kinder side as opposed to the others, was probably the easiest for Wendell to warm up to. His fears towards Wally went away pretty quickly
#thank you for the ask!#I love my new au#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#partycoffin#welcome home arg#welcome home fanart#wally darling#welcome home wally#welcome home wally darling#welcome home au#Wally darling au#Wendell darling#Wendell darling au#last puppet standing#last puppet standing au
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We've discussed a lot of SoapGaz and PriceGaz, but there is one more. GhostGaz of the OF au.
FUCK. Gaz is immediately is told by Soap that Ghost is subbed. This gets him an idea... I mean, he needs to record this night, but his camera guy, and Soap are gone!! :[
He pretends to be shy and flustered as he asks if Ghost could help him film something... personal.
"I just need someone to hold the camera is all~ I promise I'll do extra laps in the morning if you want-" he doesn't do those extra laps because Ghost REALLY wants to do this and immediately says yes. Now Gaz is actually flustered because oh fuck my Lieutenant is so close, and he's watching every little movement!
Halfway through filming, Ghost just takes over, pulls out whatever silicone bs Gaz is using and puts on a condom[safety first both Gaz and Ghost agree] and with a lot of lube it becomes a POV video. Lord Gaz never felt it so rough, so he's like IN HEAVEN right now. Barely able to process how a humans hips can be so rough, precise AND FAST??? He's babbling nonsense at that point and Ghost has decided that this is not film he can use, putting the video down so he can out Gaz into a mating-press and JUST BLAM BLAM BL- Okay you get it I like rough Ghost.
Maybe there is a few spanks in between and the camera, though placed down randomly, still gets all of it.
Afterwards, Gaz being the freaky man he is, sees the condom about to be tied and tells Ghost, "Don't throw that away. Pour it on my face-"
.... that was the last clip of the video, was Gaz's cum filled face before it all cuts. They have a genuinely nice shower[Ghost incredible aftercare headcanon] and Gaz immediately says, "well I've got to do some editing in this-"
💀"You're actually gonna post that?"
🧢"Duh! I'll be sure to blur your tats so people don't know-"
💀"Why would I want that. Keep it how it is... can you send me the unedited version?"
🧢"Of course ♡"
It's rare for Gaz to post rough content, bit if he ever feels like he needs it, well, He can always just go to Ghost~
💀"Oh, Sergeant what brings you back to me?"
🧢"well... ///"
This man is so easily charmed by Gaz though he would easily bottom for him he wanted. AND THAT HAS BEEN ALSO RECORDED LMAO
'Fucking my L.T!? [Not clickbait] [GONE SEXUAL]' that's not actually the title but it's funny as fuck
Also Imma try to sign my asks now bc I'll probably dump this stuff on you a lot lmaoo
-❌️❌️❌️
You're so right for all of this!!
I hinted at Gaz sending private videos to Ghost as well, and I stand by that.
Before I start rambling here's some drawings of Ghost absolutely destroying Gaz
At first Ghost is hesitant. ''Are you sure you want this?'' he's alright being a regular subscriber, but Gaz is adamant that yes, he trusts him.
And he doesn't regret it one bit. Ghost takes full advantage of Kyle's background as a gymnast. He manhandles him like he's a puppet and folds him as much as he physically can.
Also if you're wondering why Kyle is apologizing to him... He admitted to teasing Ghost for two whole weeks, making his life a living hell by constantly making sure he's on his mind. He sent him pictures in the middle of the day, random messages and looks from across a room. Ghost was starting to get heated under his mask.
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Gods & Monsters ༉₊˚✧
GodOfDeath!Kylo Ren x Fem!Reader AU
(THIS IS A DARK!FIC PLEASE READ ALL WARNINGS AND THE AUTHORS NOTE BEFORE PROCEEDING !!!)
➴ Summary: Death has followed you like a shadow your entire life. After losing everything, you call out to him in a moment of desperation. Maybe that was his plan all along.
➴ Playlist: Track 1 | Track 2 | Track 3 | Track 4 | Track 5 | Track 6 | Track 7 | Track 8 (listen in no particular order, these songs just inspired me)
➴ Word Count: 2.2k
➴ Warnings: 18+ MDNI under any circumstances, DARK!FIC, fem!reader, dom!kylo, a lot of angst, BLOOD, major and minor character death, reader is suicidal, kylo is the god of death, kylo is obsessive, selfish, and manipulative, stalker!kylo, reader is naïve, a little soft!kylo bc he loves her but again he's selfish so should i really call it that ??, soul selling, SMUT (manipulation therefore DUB-CON, very rough sex, unprotected PiV sex, sadist!kylo for a second ??, naked sub/fully clothed dom, dacryphilia kind of, light bruising, blasphemy and sacrilege), typos probably
➴ Taglist: ( @enviedear @capitanostella @teapartydreams )
A/N: guys did i just lowkey write a snuff fic? maybe. (yes) its left up to you to decide if this has a happy ending or not. kylo is selfish and manipulative, yeah, but hes also sexy and in love so idek how to feel myself. @enviedear and i have been playing around with the idea of godofdeath!kylo in our dms so special thanks to liv my beloved <3 i hope you guys enjoy and i also completely understand if some of you aren't chill with the themes of this fic.
It appeared that death followed you wherever you went, trailing behind you like an invisible shadow you couldn't escape. It started when you were younger with any pet you would get mysteriously dying, you don't know when but at some point you had given up on trying to keep them. Friends and family followed suit over the years, all of them as tragic as the last one. It was as if Death was puppeteering your life, tugging on the strings that held your heart together... and you didn't quite understand why.
You couldn't seem to remember what it was you'd been thinking about on your walk home. Maybe it was what your mother had decided to make for dinner. You stared at the pot still boiling in the eerily quiet kitchen. Or perhaps it was how you had promised your sister you'd play with her when you came home. Your eyes darted to the toys that had been carelessly scattered over the floor of your family's shared bungalow, noticing how a light mist of crimson coated them.
You tried to remember, but one singular word kept interrupting your thoughts. Blood. All you could smell... was blood.
You tried to scream but it was as if the air had been stolen from your lungs. All you could see was red. Red. Red everywhere. On the floors. On the walls. When you saw them, the shriek that escaped your heaving chest pierced the silence of your home, bouncing off the walls and ringing in your ears.
Your family was dead. Slaughtered and discarded on the floor as if they were simply livestock.
As you backed away, you nearly slipped in the puddle you realized you were standing in. The sticky, wet sound your shoes made as you moved was revolting and you felt acid burning at your throat. You stumbled into the living room, just barely making it to the soft carpet before falling to your knees. You heaved, but nothing happened, your empty stomach having nothing for your body to forcibly expel.
You collapsed to the floor, body wracked with sobs. You screamed and screamed until you thought your vocal cords might tear.
Gone. They're all gone.
You don't know how long it had been. Maybe hours, maybe days. You laid there, your screams subsided to sobs and you wanted nothing more than to be with them... No, you wanted to be them.
Why couldn't it have been me? Why my mother? Why my sister? Please, I just want to die. Please Please.
For what felt like an eternity, you silently begged for death. How ironic, you thought, that you begged for the thing that had taken everything from you. You had already dealt with plenty of loss to last you several lifetimes, and now you had lost the last two people you loved. There was no physical pain on this planet that would ever compare to what you felt now. You only wanted it to be over.
You saw something out of the corner of your eye. A tall, dark figure, lurking in the shadowy corner of the room. You looked up, attempting to blink the tears from your raw eyes, unable to make out any distinct features of the being that stood before you.
"You- Did you do this?!" You sobbed. "Did you k-kill my..." You couldn't even say it. If you said it out loud, that meant it was real.
The figure stepped forward, allowing light from the window to cast down upon him. Your teary eyes widened as you realized who this man... this being, was. The aquiline nose, dark locks, and scar that trailed down his cheek you'd recognize anywhere. Kylo Ren, the God of Death, stood before you. You had only heard of him in legends, but he was even more marvelous looking in person.
"I do not take. I only collect." Ren said firmly, yet a hint of compassion laced his words, making you feel... safe? In any other situation, you would have laughed at the idea of feeling safe around the literal personification of death itself, but you were in no mood for laughing. He continued. "I hear souls call out to me, and I answer."
"My family... who did this? Why wasn't I-" You choked out, weakly pointing to the adjacent room behind you. You began to sob again, feeling hot tears run down your face.
"Raiders..." Ren knelt on the floor in front of you, getting down to your level before continuing. "Sweet, mourning lamb, there's nothing you could have done. They went quickly, I made sure of that." He reached out a large hand to gingerly wipe the tears from your face, and you melted into the divine warmth of his fingers.
"Did you come b-back for me too? Please, I don't want to be here anymore- I can't do it without them, please! I'm nothing!" You begged him through sobs.
"Not to me." Ren sighed calmly, a sympathetic smile resting on his expression. "I do not answer the calls of souls whose time are not up... but you're different, special..." He trailed off, his voice still firm but sounding like he was was pondering something.
"I don't understand..." Your voice was just above a whisper.
Ren paused for a moment, the two of you sitting in silence as his dark eyes scanned yours. He held out his hand to you and finally spoke. "I want you to join me. Let it all die, let everything go, and I will give you what you so wish for."
Your eyes widened at his request, staring into his intense gaze. "Join you?" You croaked.
He nodded slightly. "Rule by my side, little lamb. I feel so drawn to you, I always have... And I know you've felt it too." His tone was soft, but there was a small shred of desperation there.
"And everyone I love? My family and friends?... Will I see them again?" You began to turn your head to look at the door to the kitchen, but a strong hand grabbed your chin at light speed, turning your head to look at him again.
"No- You're still... Holding on! Let go!" Ren raised his voice, startling you. He was inches from your face and his eyes were filled with pure panic, as if he were afraid you were changing your mind.
Memories of your family and friends played like a movie reel in your head. So many moments that you'd never get back. They were gone, and you'd never see them again. What's done is done and you had nothing now.
But as you stared into Ren's wild, dark eyes, you saw an offer being handed to you that you couldn't refuse. An option to never be alone again. To forget every detail of your life as it stands. To not feel the pain that laid so heavily on your heart and soul.
I understand.
You inhaled sharply before placing your shaking and much smaller hand in his. "I'll join you." You said it so quietly, you weren't sure if he had even heard it.
Ren certainly did, however, and within seconds he pounced, closing the gap between you. It was as if your words were an invitation he had been eagerly waiting for and his warm lips crashed into your cold, trembling ones. You felt every emotion at once coursing through your body, and you thought you might spontaneously combust at any moment.
The kiss of death.
He did not pull away though, he only continued to kiss you with more urgency. He pushed you backwards until your back was pressed against the plush carpet. When you touched him, he felt like he was made of marble. As if you needed any more emphasis on the fact that this was no human man that loomed over you.
Ren's large hands began to explore your body, his fingers running along your sides, causing a warm bolt of electricity to shoot through your core. You instinctually moaned against his mouth, and you felt him smirk.
He trailed his mouth down your neck, leaving red and purple marks, before pulling away to admire his work. "You already look so divine in this life... I can't begin to imagine what you'll look like in the next." Ren's voice was low, smooth, and his words dripped with honey. It elicited another moan from you, causing him to let out a dark chuckle.
At near light speed, he practically ripped your clothes off, pulling your shirt over your head first before making quick work of your pants and underwear. You were left naked and writhing on the floor as you watched him work at his belt, kneeling over you.
You couldn't help but think of how morally wrong this all was. This was no simple kiss of death... No, this was blasphemous. Sacrilegious in every sense of the word and you... loved it. You loved how your body betrayed you every chance it got, ignoring every single alarm bell that rang in the part of your brain that clutched onto what little was left of your sanity. It was exhilarating.
With quick fingers, Ren freed his cock from the confines of his pants, causing it to spring upwards. You marveled at him, wondering if maybe this was his weapon of choice. Maybe he would impale you on his dick and literally fuck you to death. You saw him smirk as if he had heard your thought. He most certainly did.
You watched, your body trembling, as he lined himself up with your entrance. Ren did not give you a moment to think before slamming himself into you, bottoming out within seconds. Your view of him was clouded by white-hot stars and he watched as your face contorted from the pain and pleasure of being split in two by him.
Ren's thrusts were erratic, unrelenting as he plowed into your cunt. His fingers dug into your hips, surely leaving bruises... not that it would matter tomorrow. You were completely cock drunk, under some divine spell he had surely cast over you. "Feels... s-s-so.... g-" You trailed off, lost in the violent pleasure he inflicted on your small frame.
He chuckled at your futile attempt to form a sentence. "Look at you, little lamb. Already coming undone at my hand. You want release so badly don't you?" His voice was full of compassion but his words were laced with darkness.
You knew it wasn't only your impending climax that he was referring to. You whined, your eyes welling with tears as you nodded frantically. "Please." You let out in a choked sob.
Ren let out a moan and angled his hips to thrust into you deeper, hitting your g-spot again and again with each erratic snap of his hips. He leaned down slowly, his hair tickling your cheek. "Then let go, sweet thing. Let everything go." He whispered in your ear.
You became putty in Ren's hands as you came, clenching around his cock as he continued to violently plow into you. His lips found yours and he kissed you with wild desperation. After a few more thrusts, he followed suit, bottoming out one last time and letting out a groan as he came deep inside of your cunt.
As you came down from your high, you watched hazily as he fumbled with something on the side of his belt. Ren looked down at you with adoration, and with a swift movement of his hand, you felt ice-cold metal pressed against your naked chest.
When you looked down, it took you a moment to process what had happened. Ren had impaled you through the chest with his lightsaber... yet you felt no pain. Only an intense warmth that radiated through every cell of your body.
Your eyes darted up to his face, illuminated in the crimson glow of his weapon. His expression was soft, attentive. You tried to speak but only a choked whine came out, the air having been stolen from your lungs by the fiery plasma that crackled inside of you.
Ren quickly brought his hand up to hold the side of your face, wiping stray tears and gently stroking your jaw with his thumb. You didn't even realize you had started crying again and you began to taste copper. "Shhh, don't be frightened my mourning lamb. It will all be over soon, just let go... Let go, and you will be mine forever..." His voice was deep but it had a sickeningly sweet quality to it.
You couldn't fully decipher what he was saying, so you focused on how nice he sounded instead. How merciful, you thought, for this voice to be the last one you'd ever hear on this mortal plane.
Your vision began to tunnel in on Ren's face. You thought you heard him call you his mourning lamb. What was it you were mourning again? You couldn't seem to remember what originally got you into this situation. You couldn't seem to remember anything. Anything besides Kylo Ren, that is.
"Finally... At last, you are mine."
The last thing you saw was the smile on his face. There was something... dark about it. His eyes were intense and he looked excited, as if he were finally getting something he'd been waiting ages for. Before you could dwell on it for too long though, everything went black.
#kylo ren#kylo ren x reader#kylo ren fanfic#star wars#starwars fanfic#star wars x reader#star wars sequel trilogy#the force awakens#the last jedi#the rise of skywalker#saint writes !#crucifiedfaerie#dark!fic#kylo ren dark!fic#god!kylo au#kylo ren au
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YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DO A CONTINUATION OF THE "I know what you are " thing it was so good !!!!!
Lil' bit of horror? (This is still in the Alive AU) Continuation of this post: "I know what you are"
I shall begin to chip away at the many many requests. ;-;
Warnings: Kidnapping (sort of? It's implied), threats, and lots of staring
________________________________________________________
"Was...was everything you've ever said to me a lie? Are the others in on this?"
You quietly weeped out, glaring right at his deceiving face. It was nothing compared to the look he gave you.
It was unnerving really, how wide his eyes had become. His eyelids no longer held that sleepy look them, instead they were wide open, pupils dilated until there was hardly any whites.
"No, not once have I lied to you dear host." His voice came out raspy, desperate. Please...please don't leave us, we're so lonely.
Wally's eyes shrunk ever so slightly as his hand slid over to cup yours that remained frozen despite your body fighting to move. Unable to look down or so much as flinch away you felt soft circles rubbing into your palm and the feeling of his hand engulfing yours squeezed tightly. "Everything I have ever said to you was nothing but truthful, though I never intended for you to figure things out. Not yet anyways." Wally never blinked, took his eyes off you, or moved his head as he spoke, you just felt completely frozen under his stare, stuck at the table, forced to sit and listen.
Sometimes you wished you had never picked up that stupid puppet, you'd still be living a normal life. Yeah it would be boring, but at least you would have been safe. These...people weren't who you thought they were. You trusted them, you loved them.
"The others knew but they wanted to do things differently." He finally answered the last question. "We love you dearly, haven't you realized yet?"
You began to feel the tears coming, face heated and eyes burning, you wished you could wipe all of them away, you wished you could run away. "Wally, I already loved you, I loved each and every one of you." Everything felt fuzzy as the tears kept coming, Wally's hand moved from yours to slowly wipe them away.
"We know." That's all he gave.
"But why..." You slumped forward slightly, feeling a wave of dizziness. Wally was quick to get up and stand behind you, the others peeking just around the corner watching the two of you. Poppy's feathers dropped in sadness, poor host...they hoped you would forgive them one day. Julie patted her in comfort, things would work out in the end, they all just wished Wally had listened and had been more patient.
"Because dear host...you are truly the most, and Darling, your magic touch is just what we need back Home."
Am I implying that in the Alive AU the reader quite literally has a magic touch that brought them to life and Wally is just obsessed with the reader over it? Maybe. ;) I will write more for this I am enjoying it now.
Wally definitely wants to put a ring on it with the last name drop on the dear reader.
#welcome home#welcome home arg#welcome home wally darling#welcome home wally darling x reader#wally darling#wally darling x reader#x reader#reader insert#fanfiction#welcome home fanfiction#short post#implied kidnapping#slight horror#alive au#welcome home alive au#welcome home au
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I been super busy this week, but yesterday I just had a idea for a Tadc AU that I wanted to draw.
Warning: This AU was created yesterday. So it isn’t very defined or the ideas aren’t very planned out. Also this AU isn’t going to be very expanded by me. So if you like the idea you are free to expand it. Just please credit me… or not. I can’t control what you do.
So in a nutshell the idea for this AU is this:
So yeah… this AU is exploring the idea of what would it be like if Pomni had to live with another group in the digital circus.
In this AU Pomni is welcomed to the Digital Circus by Kaufmo, Queenie, the yellow dog, worm and the rabbit sock-puppet. (My fan names for this 3 characters are: Max, Wormy and Cotton.)
Kaufmo - Goose has said that Kaufmo did acted kinda like Ragatha. So I made Kaufmo a positive clown that says bad puns in this AU.
Queenie - Queenie didn’t go crazy like Kinger in this AU. But after Kinger abstracted she became depressed, she usually hides her depression when around the others, only letting it out when she’s in her room. She acts like a mother towards the group, specifically Pomni. Queenie has taken has her mission to protect this poor girl. She already lost her love and she just lost the rabbit boy that was a son to her… she isn’t going to lose anyone else… even if it’s the last thing she does.
Max - Max is a energetic dog that actually likes to go on Caine’s adventures. Max is the only human that actually has his mind in check because of Caine’s adventures. Max is always energetic smiles and a adventure spirit on the outside… But on inside… he blames himself for don’t being able to do anything to stop the others from abstracting. He been there since the start… he saw people arriving and abstracting… yet he hasn’t able to do anything but just stand there and watch. But since Jax has abstracted… before Caine could clean Jax’s room, Max took every key from his room. They all sacrificed themselves to find a exit. Max isn’t going to let their sacrifice go to waste. It’s the least that he can do.
Wormy -Wormy is a reserve worm. He tries his best to don’t get into danger or do anything that can make him abstract. Despite this he still goes on the adventures. But not before trying to convince the others to “skip” the adventure. He knows that if he isolate from the others the changes from him to abstract are almost guaranteed. So he goes on the adventures despite the dangers.
Cotton - Cotton is the voice of reason of the group. She the glue that sticks the group together. She isn’t very good at defending herself, but she’s great at keeping the piece in the group. She doesn’t want anyone to fight because… it didn’t end well last time… She misses Ragatha…
Here’s doodles:
Fun fact: The reason why Max is so stylized is because I spent 3 FUCKING HOURS trying to draw him like how he officially looks but I couldn’t. So I gave up.
#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc au#tadc pomni#tadc kaufmo#tadc queenie#tadc jax#tadc max#tadc wormy#tadc cotton#swapstractions
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some more security waiter + slight ness and Susie sibling AU headcanons while I work on more fazgang AU art
Ness is the type to play music when he wakes up to help energize himself, doesn’t help that he wakes up at around 5:30 AM and Mike has to deal with the loud ass musical theater music until ness leaves for work
ness has always loved theorizing but started intensely theorizing after susie went missing. Mike just has to sit there and be like “idk ness…that seems a little far fetched” (everything ness is saying has happened and mike knows it:
Ness loves baking, he can’t cook for shit but he can cook. Mike is the opposite and can’t bake for crap. So mike is in charge of cooking meals and ness is in charge of making the birthday cakes for Abby’s bdays (and mikes cause ness is just like that)
Mike loves ness to death but he cannot stand musicals, he finds them quite annoying but Abby and ness love them so he puts his hatred for them aside.
Ness and Susie’s parents use to take them to the same camp grounds as mikes family. They were there the day Garret went missing and ness often says how he had to leave because “some kid got taken”. Ness insists that him and Mike met a few times at the camp grounds but Mike can’t remember it so he constantly denies it.
Mikes is the big spoon, when he holds on to something it helps ground him while he sleeps so he doesn’t have a nightmare. Ness doesn’t mind at all but considering he’s taller being the little spoon is definitely an awkward position sometimes. (Tall guy issues)
The first Christmas the trio spent together after ness moved in, Abby ran in at around 4 am and jumped on top of them while they were asleep and in bed to tell them that “Santa came” (Mike wasn’t happy.)
Ness loves to dance, Mike has two left feet, they make it work.
When hanging out with the fazgang, ness and Mike will text each other (even if they are in the same room)
One time ness was talking about susie and Abby said “oh I know Susie! She’s my friend!” (Mike cut her off before she could finish tho and internally panicked)
Ness is a muppets enthusiast, has all the movies and song tracks, and even owns some memorabilia.
Ness has a replica of the Kermit puppet that he sometimes uses and he once accidentally left it sitting upright on the kitchen counter and when Mike went to get a glass of water in the middle of the night he turned on the light and screamed not knowing what it was (ness won’t let him live it down).
Mike is half Mexican and knows Spanish and ness asks him to “speak Spanish to him” sometimes because he thinks it’s romantic. He’d do this for a month or two before he recognized Mike say the word “chicken” and when he asked Mike what he’s been saying to him for the last month Mike goes “oh whenever you tell me to speak Spanish to you I just repeat a recipe I know”
Ness uses a concerning amount of hair spray (almost to a toxic level) so Mike makes him open a window whenever he’s getting his hair ready.
Ness and Mike once went on a date and left Cory with Abby and Cory ended up falling asleep on the couch so Abby, not wanting to wake him but still wanting to talk to someone, took their phone line and called 911 (it’s the only number she knows) and Mike and ness had to cut their night short to come home to reprimand Abby on who she calls.
#fnaf au#mike schmidt#securitywaiter#fazgang#fnaf susie#srry for making the fnaf movie gay#ness the waiter#abby schmidt#fnaf movie
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Tease Tidbit Tuesday
Tagged by @giddyupbuck @hippolotamus @daffi-990 @disasterbuckdiaz @jesuisici33 @smilingbuckley
HOLY SHIT I haven't posted anything since last year (yes I had to make the joke, sorry not sorry) but really it has been a while, I took an unplanned writing break, I was struggling so much with chapter four of They don’t know (your name is already mine) that I just had to step away for a moment but that turned into uh a month...Anyways I'm back here's some of my pirate AU and some from Chpt. 4 just for shits and giggles:
Pirate AU:
The salt spray coats his face, the wooden deck beneath his boot rolls with the waves and with the taste of salt on his lips he’s never felt more at home. He can feel the presence of his crewmates at his back, unhurriedly going about their tasks but he can’t turn to face them. His eyes are stuck staring at the horizon, watching as the yellow sun dips beyond the edge, painting the sky with oranges and pinks.
As the stars show he can smell gunpowder and the metallic taste of blood lingers in the air. The shouts of fighting are muted as the sounds of crashing waves rise until it’s all he can hear. He knows what comes next, he tries to move but his feet are rooted in place as if the wood has grown vines and trapped him there. Agonising pain flares in his right thigh, then his left shoulder, as a blade is run through him from behind. He feels the blood run from his body, soaking his uniform and the deck below him. He just stands there as the life drains out of him, helpless to do anything but watch as the moon rises and makes its arch across the sky until he’s as cold as death, until whatever is holding him there releases and he drops to the deck like he’s puppet with cut strings.
But instead of wood, there’s a straw mattress and instead of the constant sway of a ship he’s on solid ground. The pain’s still there but rather than the sharp burning pain of new wounds they ache and seize like they have for the past six months since they fullied healed and will probably ache for the rest of his life. Eddie takes in a gasping breath, tastes the bitter salt of sweat on his lips and rubs the sleep and lasting images of the sea from his eyes.
They don’t know (your name is already mine) Chapter Four:
“I’ve ruined Christmas,” He knows he’s pouting but he can’t help it, their first Christmas together as a married couple, as an official family and he’s ruined it.
“Buck no-” Eddie tries to protest but Buck knows he has, not only are all his presents probably ruined but he’s going to have to spend Christmas in the Hospital without his boys because he will be damned if he ruins their Christmas even more than he already has.
“-I’m tired, and in pain, please can you call the nurse,” He knows he’s shutting down and leaving Eddie out in the cold but he feels a tightness in his chest and tears burning in his eyes and all he wants to do is fall back into oblivion for a bit and he knows he’s running away from his feelings but he thinks it would be okay to do that until after Christmas.
“Okay, I’ll be right back.” Eddie kisses the back of Buck’s hand before getting up, when he’s at the door he looks back briefly, shooting a look of concern at him before stepping out of the room.
tagging: @wildlife4life @try-set-me-on-fire @bekkachaos @buddierights @spagheddiediaz @911-on-abc @shitouttabuck @911onabc @exhuastedpigeon @malewifediaz @loserdiaz @ladydorian05 @watchyourbuck @king-buckley @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese @fortheloveofbuddie @mangacat201 @hoodie-buck @eowon @rainbow-nerdss @nmcggg @pirrusstuff @evanbegins @sammysouffle @jamespearce9-1-1 @carrierofthepaperclips @jeeyuns @callmenewbie @thosetwofirefighters @monsterrae1 @princehattric @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @singlethread @your-catfish-friend @theotherbuckley @steadfastsaturnsrings @wikiangela @spotsandsocks @eddiebabygirldiaz
#9-1-1#buddie#evan buckley#eddie diaz#thewolvesof1998 writes#buddie fic#fic: they don't know (your name is already mine)#pirates au
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