#just pretend this makes sense
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DONT YOU LOVE ME ANYWAY?
tw: slapping, slight breeding kink, smut, dark!luke, corruption kink, daughter of aphrodite!reader
a/n: from your #1 yappist
There was something sacred about it-how he would desecrate-ruin you. Bruises littered your inner thighs, neck, anywhere he could find to mark you. Own you.
And he did.
There was some thrill in it for him, that you'd allow him to fuck with you like this, turn you into something as depraved and corrupt as him. Watching the guilt settle in your eyes when he finishes fucking you, mock disappointment crafting his words.
"should cover those up, yeah?, cant have everyone knowing what a cock dumb slut you are now, can we?"
People began to notice it, slowly. The way your face would burn with embarrassment turning into shame when they pointed out the hickeys. The fact that you were luke's toy to fuck and use as he pleases. And it was, until it became because even after he betrayed you, its his name that falls from your lips when you cum on your fingers.
You shouldve known better. Maybe checked the borders harder, more than twice-brought more weapons. Anything, that would take you back from being here. The metal presses against your throat, sending shocks of fear through you as he tilts your head up, back pressed against the rough bark of the tree.
Clarisse and the others had left camp for some special mission, chiron called it, leaving you and the other year rounders. It was calm for the first few weeks, until it wasnt.
Monsters started attacking more frequently, breaking the borders which you couldve sworn you thought could never happen. And there was only one culprit. The same one that had his head between your thighs-just weeks earlier and now a knife under your chin.
"isnt it past curfew sweetheart?" he asks tilting his head as he smiles "should report you for that"
Like the fucker cares.
Your eyes scan your surroundings, looking for atleast a dagger, seeing most of your weapons discarded too far from arms reach. He sees you, of course, eyes darkening in irritation.
"None of that yeah? just want to talk-"
Something in you clicks, anger that causes you to almost bite at him. "now you want to talk? you fucking left me luke!, no note, not even a simple goodbye-i had to hear about this from annabeth, a-and you want to speak to me with a sword at my throat?!"
He shifts, eyes moving to unreadable, as he backs up only slightly.
"There wasnt enough time-couldnt get you roped up in this shit and risk somethin' happening to you, you wouldnt have understood-"
His words fall on deaf ears, not caring-trusting-what he says anymore. You're quick to move, acknowledging that his sword is now at his side, completely out of the way. The first fist hits and you cant tell when the second one reaches. He lets you hit him, takes it until it actually begins to hurt, grapping your wrists as you attempt to fight his grip. He discards his sword on the ground, moving his other hand to keep you still. "Stop before you hurt yourself" he says sternly, backing you right up against the tree. Theres tears on your face now, he cant tell if they're from sadness or anger, choosing the latter pains him less.
"Just calm the fuck down"
Its the same tone he would use with you before, whenever you'd ask him to stay with you after he'd fuck you for hours on end. Producing the same result, tears brimming along your waterline until his tone changes. "I'm sorry okay? just dont-dont-fuck- stop crying, cant take it when you do that to me"
Your lip stops trembling, soaked eyes looking up at him as his hand cradles your chin. Its silent, none of you knowing what to say anymore and even though, you know better, you kiss him. Your lips are soft against his at first, but when luke gets over his shock? he's all teeth and blood. Violent and angry and so so desperate. Your brains in a fuzz, a high from the way hes kissing you. Maybe you've spent too long alone since he left, maybe you should've moved on. But whatever it is that leads you to do something like this, you're to fucked out of your brain to care.
Fuck elysium, he's got his own little heaven right here, in the way you sculpt your lips into his, letting him find solace in you after everything. His hand reaches to the curve of your waist pulling you into him, as he begs you to let him go further. To fuck out his frustrations onto you once again. He's sick for even asking, and you? you're just as bad for agreeing.
He practically rips of your skirt, ruining the pretty lace hem, muffling your protests with his lips. "I'll but you ten, okay a whole fuckin' set after-"
A promise you know he's not going to keep, but for now, you let him have it. His hand trails over your panties, pressing the damp spot he sees there. "That desperate huh? been waitin' for me princess?"
Somewhere in your stupor, your lips form into a pout.
"Dont be silly"
His lips form into a smirk at that, slapping your clit from your tone as you yelp. "Yeah? you've just been whoring yourself out since ive been gone?-looks like i needa remind her who she belong to hm?"
Another slap connects at your silence.
"Y-yes-fuck-please-n-need it so bad-" you babble out mindlessly, pushing your hips up into his hand-a desperate attempt to get some friction. He chuckles at your neediness, like his cock isnt leaking through his pants right now. He pulls your panties to your knees, fingers teasing at your hole, gathering your slick before he's sliding both inside of you. The sound you make is pathetic, giving him exactly what he wants, to see you pliant and indigent for him again. He's not slow or careful, instead fucking you with his fingers like hes almost enamored with the motion.
"L-luke-!" you whine, when you feel his other finger pinch your clit, the stimulation making your body jolt in pleasure. "I know, baby, I know-'s really abandoned her didnt i? dont even know how much ive missed this pretty pussy"
His words are so sweet, an illusion for how fucked up this all is. He continues to pump his fingers into you, feeling how you tighten up around him as his hand goes back to circle your clit. Your hips buck up into his hand, letting him use it as motivation to move faster. Head falling back, feeling the familiar tightening in your stomach as whimpers emit from you, eyes rolling back in pleasure. Your brain goes white when you cum, thighs trembling as you clamp down on his hand. He pulls out of you, watching the wetness that drips down your thighs.
"theres my girl"
He's quick to pull out his cock, all angry and red, precum dripping along his veins. He rubs his cock along your thighs, shivering at the feeling. He's slow at first, easing himself in, until he fully enters you, a wheeze coming from him.
shitshitshitshitshit-shit-" his thighs quiver, jaw clenching from holding himself back. "g-gotta relax for me, mami-fuck-"
He buries his head into your neck, gritting his teeth as his hands tighten on your hips. It take everything in him not to just rut into you right there.
For your sake, he tries to be slow, be patient as he thrusts into you at an antagonizing, gentle pace. You mumble something under your breath, begging him to go faster, to ruin you again, to break you. And he remembers that really? he was never a patient man.
His hips snap into yours, his movement prompted from that primal need to fill you with him to the hilt. Its disgusting, lewd-almost pornographic sounds that come from you as his curls stick to his forehead from sweat. He fucks you like an rabid animal, harsh, violent and angry-he doesnt understand whats wrong with him-why he needs it so bad. To feel you clench around him, scream out his name as if everythings normal again, as if he's human again. He presses against your stomach, causing a mixture of a moan and a sob to come from you, as he moves against you faster-harder.
He's on cloud nine when you clamp down on him. Hips stuttering, choked out whimpers falling from him as he buries his face back into your neck to try and stifle his sounds. Stars dance across your vision, and you swear you're drowning-mouth formed in a permanent 'o' shape, thighs trembling as you sink deeper. Crash after crash of ecstasy hits you-coming in relentless hard waves that make you see white. Your speech is slurred, rambling about how you love him so much-need him so much, begging him not to leave you again.
And thats what pushes him over the edge. He knows hes gonna leave you again, abandon you like the piece of shit he is, but the reprieve he has is too good to deny. He cums with a fucking sob, your name echoing from him like a solemn prayer, not even recognizing the fact that he just came inside of you as he holds you to him.
He cleans you up, carrying you back to the aphrodite cabin. Lucky for him, its empty. Most of the year rounders being in his old cabin. Laying you down on the bed, as your eyelids flutter, he sits on the side of your sheets, watching your face until you fall asleep.
And whether its guilt or regret, this time he stays and holds you until he disappears in the morning.
#luke castellan smut#luke castellan#luke catsellan x reader#luke castellan imagine#percy jackson x reader#pjo series#pjo#charlie bushnell#luke castellan fanfic#luke castellan fanart#just pretend this makes sense#yeah!#zee writes ౨ৎ
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Katya / Goncharov
#yeah ik ive posted them before sorry but i REALLY like how these look together#martin scorsese#goncharov#artists on tumblr#illustration#unreality#<— posters for a ‘movie’ that doesn’t actually exist but is a tumblr meme in which everyone pretends it does&makes content for it#fascinating how we’re immediately personable w katya by knowing her first name while only knowing goncharov’s surname keeps us at a distanc#combined with him being the only major character to go by a moniker it emphasizes just how much he's been consumed by the role he plays#who is goncharov? does he know and keep it secret? or has he too lost his sense of identity?#it's reflected in these posters as we SEE katya but goncharov remains elusive - yet clearly time is running out for them both#lakjdklf ok im done now i never post meta on here so im having fun with the fictional movie#btw I updated both of the illustrations compared to the original posts but will leave those as they were#woudl be cool if my post showed up. u can do it tumblr
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Ghost who's gone prematurely grey due to his lovely past (and Soap who doesn't mind)
#and other weird thoughts at 3 am ! :)#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghoap#soap x ghost#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#my art#cod fanart#taking a break from writing ghoap by drawing ghoap#theyre in my brain and wont Leave#wisp when drawing ghostsoap standing stagnant next to each other from the waist up yet again: is this art?#also would like to repeat its 3 am im sorry if this doesnt mke sense#googled about greying prematurely but gave up when it required reading words#so we just pretend this makes sense
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I'VE GOT A FEELING YOU'VE BEEN SELLING ME OUT!
#persona 5#goro akechi#akechi goro#akira kurusu#ren amamiya#akeshu#shuake#artists on tumblr#drawings#your disposition is a foot in the grave etc etc. i'm tired of looking at this. please pretend the pose makes sense#i really don't know why i don't just learn how to draw kissing. at this point it would be easier than doing whatever this is
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An interesting “side effect” of the canonization of the “classic era” meaning “younger era” is that the classic era now reads as “cute fun times” before the core cast became teenagers/tweens and things got super, super complicated.
Because the characters are “younger,” there’s an air of “little rascal innocence” to everything they do now. The new releases like Mania and Superstars now feel like little throwbacks to the young heroes just learning how to work together and make a difference in the world.
I don’t think this is a bad thing at all.
#this is actually something I’ve headcanoned for years#seeing it reflected like this in canon is actually pretty strange#but welcome#I genuinely think it makes much more sense#it reminds me a lot of the anime erased if anyone knows what that is#this was obviously never the plan from the beginning. Sega certainly just expected us to be like#‘oh it’s the same thing but pretend that sonic had green eyes the entire time’#but of course pontac and graff happened#and generations happened#and forces happened#and suddenly they had way too many gaps to fill#so all things considered I have no issue with this retcon#it fixes a lot of problems tbh#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic#amy rose#tails the fox#knuckles the echidna#classic sonic#sonic frontiers#sonic mania#sonic superstars#core four#sonic core four#miles tails prower
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"We tried."
"Not hard enough."
9-1-1 (2018-)
#you might be asking yourself hey what the fuck#i am also asking myself this very question#something something healing generational trauma something something breaking the cycle#i don't know okay i just want to scream#tv: 911#hen wilson#eddie diaz#maddie buckley#howard chimney han#evan buck buckley#edits#henwilsonedit#eddiediazedit#maddiebuckleyedit#evanbuckleyedit#chimneyhanedit#911edit#daily118#pretend this coloring makes any sense
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Greeting her trophy wife
(they’re both the trophy wife)
#supercorp#I feel like that caption makes sense but I also feel like I’ve slept 20 hours collectively this work week#so if it doesn’t let’s just pretend for the sake of my ego that it does
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Random Codywan headcanon:
After many complains and some pressing by the Jedi for some more gear for the clones than only the bare essentials, every clone is reluctantly equipped with one sweatshirt-like black by the kaminoans. Officially for "colder temperatures", inofficially (intended by the Jedi) for comfort and to give the clones at least a tiny little opurtinity to custumize their outfits. (Let's just pretend they have time for that in the midde of a war)
And after the complains that the standard-blacks aren't distinctable enough to actually belong to one clone, because they get all mixed up after the next wash anyway, each of these sweatshirts comes with a embroidery reading "Property of insert Clone's number".
Of course the Clones are not having that. In the 212th, a small group of dedicated Clones make it their mission to redo every single one of these embroiderys and replace the number with the clone's name before the sweatshirts are delivered.
Anyway, Cody doesn't end up really wearing his. Not because he doen't like sweatshirts, but because it's just a little to tight to his taste. It does, however, perfectly fit Obi Wan, who's a bit leaner than Cody, so he ends up frequently stealing it. (It gets cold when they're doing paperwork together until late at night and he's not going to walk all the way back to his own room just to get one of his).
Cue, emergency council meeting on one of these evenings and Obi Wan's called to give a quick report, so he's standing there in the middle of the meeting, "Property of Cody" embrodied on his back and chest. Mace is just staring him down in true "Are you f*ing serious? I'm so f*ing done" fashion and the other masters can hardly hold back their giggling. Cody, who's standing in the background of the call, is embarrassed and blushing like crazy when he gets what's going on. Obi Wan is beaming. He thinks it's hilarious. He wears the sweatshirt to every single council meeting from now on.
#I don't know if this makes sense#welcome to todays round of 'I came up with nonsensical star wars scenarious in the shower'#Let's just pretend there are sweatshirts in Star Wars#codywan#star wars#the clone wars#obi wan kenobi#commander cody#clone wars#star wars the clone wars#clone troopers#jedi shenanigans#jedi
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Not them getting together to take revenge on Mephisto
#I'd like to point out that Diavolo is 100% in on this because even if he HAD heard someone say that Mephisto liked Solomon's cooking#he'd be able to tell that they were lying because he has that lying detector skill/power or whatever#plus he knows Solomon's cooking is shit#so him seeing Mephisto's reaction to eating it and saying “is it really THAT good?!” doesn't make any sense and is in no way honest XD#man is really just pretending to not know what's happening which makes this EVEN FUNNIER#meanwhile Barbatos is just there witnessing his son and guy-his-son-is-totally-not-in-love-with poison this man together lol#obey me#obey me nightbringer#omnb#omnb lesson 30 hard mode#obey me lucifer#obey me diavolo#obey me mephistopheles#obey me barbatos#obey me screenshots#obey me nightbringer spoilers#☙ no creativity for names ✾
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Desert duo but they are married just for the benefits.
(No one tell them there are no benefits to being married in minecraft.)
#aroace desert duo specifically#they are friends but they got married just for the fun of it#qpp desert duo even#im normal about them i promise#also i dont know how marriage works or what benefits there would be. smt with taxes or whatever#idc#im not getting married any time soon SO#NOT MY PROBLEM#pretend it makes sense okay? okay imma go sleep now#stiff talk#gtws#grian#desert duo
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“Allow me to introduce you to the original you.”
#I sketched this out before watching the stage play and I was pleasantly surprised when I found out it’s pretty stage play accurate#also I don’t know if it makes sense for clone Chuuya to also be number A258 but let’s just pretend this was the governments way of covering#up that they actually lost the enhancement ability user instead of his clone#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd fanart#chuuya nakahara#bsd chuuya#bsd stormbringer#bsd#my art#me putting big ass arahabaki lettering on the tank: subtlety is DEAD#also I need to brain storm what kind of environment focused fanart I’m gonna do next because these are a lot of fun
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Sometimes I hate that biblically accurate Roy always wears dress clothes. What if I am tired of saying he’s wearing slacks. What if I want to have fun.
#jk I love his little suit vest tie coat outfits#but I was trying to look at any casual clothes he wears in canon for this fic because it would make the most sense#and it’s all just like full suits#oh well#guess I will lie#pretend he is wearing jeans or some shit (oh god he would not)#I guess it’s also because of the time period#1900’s was all about dapper lads in suits#which fair enough#grace rambles#roy mustang#fma#fmab#my writing#Fullmetal alchemist
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Seeing a lot of de-aged Danny in Gothem posts floating around and I love it
100% here for little shit Danny being a “fuck around and find out” child
I like to think of him as detective conan style with full memories and brain power jam packed into the body of a smol bean.
Let him get spotted by The Batman and just fully throw the man for a loop cause holy fuck not tiny little child could think of this wtf.
Like Danny isnt even as big as he was when he was six. No. Now hes like the size of a small for their age six year old. Shortest in the kindergarten kinda sized.
“Wow what a smart 4year old you got there” actually MiSs hes six and a half.
Let him be so hard for Bruce to catch but also so smart. Bruce can see him taking apart a smartphone and re wiring a microwave. Hes a little genius! Danny normally is an engineering genius but now hes just so very cute and smol. But he doesn’t wanna be babied. So sir he demands respect.
Anyway cut to like three months later and hes the head maintenance guy at the watchtower. Everyone learns that hes not to be messed with too. Some just respect him out the gate cause The Batman is bringing him in and they don’t wanna be fired. Others learn the hard way that this fucking toddler (hes seven now thank you very much) can fix a teleported that they hardly understand.
I also like to think Danny uses it to his advantage as much as he can. “But im just seven mister pwease don’t make me fill out paper work 🥺” but it doesn’t work in The Batman cause hes apparently the worlds greatest detective and knows this one isnt actually seven. Danny put in so much work trying to keep Bruce in the dark (thats a lie he didn’t do shit to protect his identity) but the knight saw through him pretty early on. Like a week after Danny moved in with him. Though I did take him a bout a month to get him to do even that.
#danny phantom#dp x dc#dpxdc#I actually hate the de-aging trope lmao#one of my least favs for this crossover.#like that and danny actually being adopted by the fentons.#or hes someones long lost twin#but I see the apeal behind it and know how to pander#yall aint hurting me by having your fun so go off queen and slay#it’s not made for me and thats ok I just felt like voicing my opinion#great now im worried about my tags getting me canceled#which im not even popular so can’t happen#but I like to pretend im a big popular blogger and what not#makes me feel important#even in this sense if im not#oops weird tags
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okay let's get them hard truths out in the open following episode 6, bearing in mind that i am in the UK and am therefore chronically sleep-deprived, and have watched the Feral Domestic™ maybe only like oh 7 times:
crowley is as much at fault as aziraphale. they are both as bad as each other. their own individual idiosyncrasies are literally the other's emotional downfall and if im honest im not entirely sure there's any way they can adequately move past it.
waxed on and on and on about it, but aziraphale's issue is not that he has any allegiance to heaven. he doesn't at all, and that is obvious in his initial reaction to the metatron, in that he essentially says that he knows his place and it is not Up Above. it is right there in the bookshop, and with crowley (even if he didn't consciously think it that explicitly at the time). he doesn't want any part of the heaven that it currently is, he has had enough and is tired of trying to be the angel that hides who he is and what he wants from his existence. that much is very much clear.
but the mantra throughout most of life is to be the change you want to see in the world. look at the major societal issues that are happening in the world today; people are rising up and fighting for what is right, and what they believe in, and wanting to make changes. now look at this opportunity that aziraphale has been given. regardless of the questionable motive of the metatron offering it to him; if you were in his position, could you say you'd find it easy to refuse that?
the issue here with aziraphale is that he (again, ill harp on about it until the cows come home) thinks that crowley - this demon that isn't a good demon because he is good and kind and gentle - would want to have his place in making that change happen; be by aziraphale's side whilst they create the world and heaven that is different from the largely shit one they've always known, hated, and feared. this is where the Pedestal comes in; like i said before, aziraphale has now been confronted with the fact that this demon, his best friend and love of his life, is acting in the way he's always acted but that aziraphale refuses to acknowledge... because to acknowledge crowley's shortcomings (which ill discuss in a sec) would be to question aziraphale's faith in him, and mean falling from the pedestal that has been aziraphale's status quo for the last few thousand years at minimum.
edit: this also needed adding because it touches on aziraphale's tendency to hold himself superior to crowley, which he also does in the Domestic scene.
crowley's issue is twofold. one, he cannot move on from the fall. second, that he is sometimes a manipulative and childish shit. the first is obvious, and his recent experiences with heaven have only compounded this (ie his conversation with gabriel/goob, where he lays into him about gabriel's part in the cruelty shown towards aziraphale to the point he almost makes goob kill/injure himself). crowley can also however be incredibly cruel borne out of his own pain. there were major hints in s2 that not only did crowley fall (no matter what the metatron says, im still not convinced he fell for only asking questions) but he fell from a great sodding height that in his mind should have made him untouchable. my thoughts on morality in heaven have already been discussed, but that must have had a huge impact on crowley; it is no wonder that it's a sore point and he feels bitter, resentful, and angry.
in the above context, id want nothing to do with heaven either. but crowley doesn't communicate and im guessing that his feelings about the fall are a No Go area in terms of what he's shared with aziraphale... so for crowley to assume that aziraphale turned down the metatron is grossly unfair - how was aziraphale necessarily meant to know how deep his trauma (if we're applying human mental health constructs) runs? he isn't to know that at all - so it does track that aziraphale would think that crowley would want to help him make a difference so they don't have to keep getting involved in the toxicity that is the heaven/hell politico-moral dichotomy.
what also upset me about the Domestic was the kiss. i loved it for what it was in isolation and it was a long time coming, and a huge movement in the dance they constantly have with each other, but it was in essence manipulative. i realise crowley was on his last emotional straw and yes, perhaps the love and devotion got too much for him to contain... but he literally just stood there and heard aziraphale tell him that he wanted crowley and he wanted them to be together. there were no qualms at all that aziraphale loves him as much as he loves aziraphale. so, what was the kiss meant to prove?
to my mind, it was manipulation; specific, a temptation. whilst very romantic and 'sweep him off his feet with the violins playing', it was also non-consensual and unwarranted on crowley's part - to the point of being derogatory and redundant (lets be clear: not a criticism on Neil for adding the kiss, im purely talking about crowley as a character and his Choices here). there was nothing to prove, nothing that that kiss could have possibly convinced aziraphale to do. so the only thing that leaves, imo, is that it was a temptation. crowley does not typically use temptation in this way, or at least that's the impression ive had throughout s1 and s2, so he chooses now is the time? to tempt aziraphale into staying with him? of course he does!
he's desperate, but also childish and immature and completely ignorant of what aziraphale is actually saying to him. aziraphale never denied him; aziraphale wanted him in this opportunity exactly by his side as he always has been. but that didn't fit with what crowley wanted, so he tried to make aziraphale bend to his will. aziraphale says the fatal words "i forgive you", but if he has (as i suspect he has) realised that crowley was trying to manipulate him... well, id probably say something as damning to crowley as 'i forgive you' too.
when aziraphale said 'nothing last forever', i realise crowley took that to mean him and the life that they built together, but it obviously wasn't that at all. aziraphale is saying that they have eternity ahead of them, that he wants to spend it with crowley, whatever has to end around them (ahem the world? apocalypse from s1, anyone?). aziraphale demonstrated consistently throughout s2 that he is trying to give crowley his own agency where heaven/hell are concerned (paraphrased but: "I want you to help me but if you don't want to, you are free to leave"). crowley however seemed that he was constantly one foot out the door in case things got Too Much (which, you know - valid) but aziraphale really did his best to make crowley not only not feel suffocated but also that crowley was wanted. and for anyone that is a tough balancing act.
the two of them have had 6000+ years of Not Really Communicating. this is the detritus that remains when they don't, and it was absolutely needed in this season. for them to break apart and break in and of themselves. s3 needs to be where they learn more about themselves than each other, and stop believing that the other is infallible, because such thinking - worship, blind faith - only ends badly.
#good omens#not the analysis this fandom wants#but the analysis that it needs#i will proof read this at some point so if shit doesnt read well or make sense just pretend that it does#aziraphale meta#s2 meta#feral domestic/final fifteen meta
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I am once again thinking about having a big strong butch lay back in my lap to nurse after a long day
Telling them that I want to make Daddy feel better and pulling their hands to my chest, helping them pull my shirt away. They'd hum and humor me because not even whatever cool-headed calm exterior they put on will stop them from having their princess's heavy tits in their mouth, and I'd eagerly pull them closer. Once their mouth was full, I'd start start talking them through it. Telling them how good it feels in my soft, warm voice, telling them how much I love them. What a good daddy they are, what a good butch they are, how they take care of me like a good husband should. My body's here to take care of all their needs.
I'd go from holding their hand to rubbing their forearm to massaging over their hips, and their eyes would get heavy as they relaxed more and more into me. Sure I'd sigh and whimper and love how it felt, but my voice would begin taking on that other tone; the one that reaches into their mind and soothes all their thoughts down until they can only wait for what I tell them. Before they even realized it, they're preening at being called a good boy and I'm undoing their belt, slipping my hands under their pants and palming at their bulge. I coo about how hard they are, how sweet they are to me, asking them little things like "do I taste good, sweetheart? does that feel good?" just to make them nod and listen and obey more than anything else. When I stroke their cock through their nice black boxers, I want them to moan into my breast and whine out "more" and "please" until they can't take it anymore n remind me whose in charge
#anyways i got off thinking about this earlier#i just want to be taking care of daddy and Pretending like I'm being subservient as they actually drown in subspace#she speaks#i know this isnt fine writing but i wanted to share#it would be so healing to start a scene cooing for daddy. make them moan for mommy. n then switch back to them being in charge n mounting m#once theyre inside. coming back to their senses and me falling apart under them#i wish you all a very lactation kink. drink my milk and tell me how youll help me produce more#greatest hits
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i was thinking more about characters Performing Gender, but not necessarily Transgressing Gender. I wound up focusing on Ned and Sansa bc I feel like I understand them the most but-
Sansa as a hostage is imo the most obvious (bc it’s so well done) moment of someone clearly Performing Gender but not being transgressive in that performance. Which isn’t to say it’s not a complicated performance; it’s a fine line Sansa walks between weaponizing her gender to protect herself without seeming too fake. She’s trying to placate the Lannisters by playing the perfect, dedicated, air headed betrothed because it’s the only defense she has - if she outwardly rebels, she will be punished in a likely violent and/or sexual way (which isn’t even conjecture - when she says “or maybe he’ll give me yours” Joffrey has her struck with an armored hand). She’s not quite successful in being convincing but that’s because it’s a rather extreme situation; despite no one believing her, she does make herself seem meek and stupid enough that no one suspects she’s plotting to escape with Dontos until she’s well away from KL. The fact that she even has Dontos to confide in is because of Sansa’s relationship with gender! When she saves him, she covers her rebellious slip by playing up Joffrey’s intelligence & his role as King; she reaches for “tools” of her gender AND of ~proper manhood~ to save a life and herself from another beating. Her retreats into the godswood and silence are very much Sansa attempting to recharge from these draining interactions, the same way a knight would need to stop and eat and rest after a fight. She is fighting, constantly, by forcing herself to stay within the narrow confines of a specific type of gender performance as a way of shielding herself from harm.
Ned yelling at Cat is another big one, and I’ve seen the scene referred to as Ned using his patriarchal power to scare Cat, which is a great description. It feels like a Performance because Ned is putting on this terrifying Lord Stark mask in an attempt to get Catelyn to stop asking about Jon (and Lyanna). This is not how he usually acts with those he loves! When Ned is with His People, he is welcoming of questions, curiosity, emotion, even transgressive thought (to a point! the idea that Ned is a feminist because he lets Arya learn to fight is Not accurate but you can’t deny he allows significantly more flexibility wrt gender expression than most of the fathers we meet in this series. the bar is in hell tho). Yet when Cat asks him about Jon’s mother, Ned scares her so well she stops asking & still remembers the moment bitterly over a decade later. And if that snippet we see through Bran’s eyes of Ned praying that Cat will forgive him does come after she asks (like it’s suspected), it’s clear not only that this is a performance he’s putting on & weaponizing against Cat, it’s one he does not like using as a weapon against someone he is close to. After using the power his gender gives him to cause harm, he retreats to the godswood and silence to pray and rest, much like Sansa. A spiritual cleanse, the way a soldier may pray after battle, to reset and reconnect Being A Proper Man to Being A Kind Man.
I think there’s something interesting in that two of the characters most widely defined by how well they adhere to Westerosi gender norms both dislike feeling like they had to weaponize their gender. They are exhausted by the performance, because it’s a performance. This isn’t Sansa getting excited over tourneys, or Ned teaching his sons to fight; it’s toxic masculinity, it’s structural misogyny. It’s something they’re good at, excel at, and connected to something they enjoy but when it’s paired with violence, whether done by Ned or done to Sansa, it crosses over in their minds from an innate part of themselves (The Gender) to a performance necessary due to survival (The Gender Role). And that after these performances, both retreat to nature & god as a way of resting and cleansing from the experience.
#valyrianscrolls#ned stark#sansa stark#getting on my soap box#there’s something here too about romanticism. like shelley and coleridge and whitman. the need to return to nature to undo society’s harm.#especially with the way various romance movements and romantic tropes are played with by their characters.#i can’t even remember who said it which just shows u how shitty an english major i am aksjd but about how.#like society is necessary but just as necessary is the ability to escape into nature. i *think* it was coleridge i’m probably wrong.#the gender war makes corpses of us all#gender politics in asoiaf#obviously you can point to several moments for both of them. sansa calling petyr father. ned’s relationship with theon. wherein they both#are clearly performing something for an audience.#there’s like 12 other branches of this in my head. jaime’s romanticism. being knighted bloody & the sacrilegious nature of the sept sex.#and his inability to escape his gender performance the way ned & sansa do. ned being willing to cry in front of others but robb only ever#crying in the dark with his baby brother after he loses ned. cat’s tower stuff & finding solace in sewing.#i’m gonna try to write up something about loras & renly here too. tomorrow.#also i wrote this at the train station after work so if there’s errors or it makes no sense just pretend u never saw it skskdj
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