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ladydeznutz · 3 years

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When He Loved Me (Peter Parker x Reader)

A/N: My first fic and it's angst that came into my head around 3am. I've always wanted to write fics, but I didn't like how I wrote and I was embarrassed. First time writing for others so I tried to keep away from using just she/her pronouns, but if that's what you'd like just lemme know

I can write for other fandoms, and imma make a list of the fandoms I like bc I have so many I forget. I'll also add some other things if it interests me. Not comfortable with nsfw just yet so apologies. Anyways, enjoy the fic ig and please give me criticism if you see something wrong

idk how tumblr works with spacing and all that so hopefully this comes decent looking

Prompt: Please, don't leave me.

TW: S**cide mention

Every day had started to feel the same to you for a while now.

It started when he began missing date nights with you. He was always so excited about them, and then they were happening less and less often. You still saw him on occasion, but it felt more like "business" than anything else.

You didn't get the same giddy feeling you used to get when you'd see him; it felt like going out with him was more of a chore. You couldn't even complain to him about it even if you wanted to. Anytime you did see him long enough, he was always gone within a second, always in a rush. You never knew what he even did with himself or if he was thinking about you at all.

It definitely didn't help that you'd always catch him hanging out with his friends. You confronted Ned about it, but he was always so dismissive. Hell, you had even talked to Michelle about the whole thing. At first, she sympathized, but then it was as if a switch was flipped. You used to go to her to vent about Peter and the relationship. Now, she was practically telling you that you were overreacting.

----

You felt like you were going to have a mental breakdown.

Learning about a loved one's passing is always one of the hardest things for anyone to deal with, especially when it's someone you deeply care about.

You had just received the news that your best friend had killed himself a couple of hours ago.

You didn't know how to feel.

You couldn't wrap your head around it. There was no warning.

You and he had been friends since childhood, and you knew each other so well that neither one of you could even remember a time when the other wasn't around.

Your hands shook as you picked up the phone to call Peter. Your tears finally fell as you listened to the constant ringing of the phone, and you knew he wasn't going to answer. Rage grew within you as you heard his voicemail message causing you to throw your phone across the room. It crashed into the wall and broke, but you didn't pay any mind to it as you fell to the ground and let out a wailed sob.

Why did this have to happen?

You could barely catch your breath between sobs.

Your body shook.

You didn't care about anything anymore.

You didn't care about Peter anymore.

----

Weeks had passed, and Peter was exhausted.

Tracking down a gang, taking them down, and meeting another Spider-Man had just been a lot for him to take in. He was so tired, he didn't even want to think about it anymore. His back ached as he climbed through his window.

He was just so damned tired.

He stripped out of his suit, took off his web-shooters, and placed them back in his closet. Then, he took a quick shower.

His job was a bit easier to have Ned and MJ know he was Spider-Man. Now he just had to tell you.

Peter stood in the middle of the room and weighed out what would happen. He felt sorry for lying to you, and he knew that he was being distant. He just didn't have the courage to deal with any of it because he was worried about you. He couldn't lose you too.

As Peter lied down to finally get some rest, he wondered how you were doing. Karen had said you tried calling him, but he couldn't answer he had been in the middle of a stakeout.

He got up and rummaged through his book bag to get his phone, turning it on to scroll through his messages. He sat up as he realized how many he had gotten. Had something happened?

As he scrolled through, his heart broke. So many people had posted about the loss of Jay and were gossiping about why he did it. When he finally went through them all, he looked at your one missed call and gulped.

You had called him that day, and he didn't pick up.

He clicked the voice mail and listened to the message. All that he could hear were your pained sniffles, a shout, and then the line cut off.

He felt sick as he replayed the message.

Peter already felt awful about lying to you; he had to fix this. He quickly texted you, put his web-shooters back on, and was ut the window.

He knew the way to your house, so it took him no time to et there. As he was getting ready to knock on your window, he did a double-take and took a closer look.

Someone was sitting in your room; it looked like he had been waiting for you. Peter quirked an eyebrow as he looked at the guy. He was wearing a red and green jacket with shorts and sneakers. He also looked like he was wearing tights?

Suddenly, you walked into the room, so Peter backed away from the window to hide in the shadows. You seemed to be upset as you were wiping your eyes quite a bit.

"I'm sorry Miles. I didn't think I'd start crying like that," you said as you sat on your bed.

"Hey, it's okay," he replied as he stood up and moved closer to you. You sniffled as you tried to regain your composure. Peter didn't quite know how to react. Who was this? What was going on?

"I just...he..." you groan out in frustration as you grip your hair. Miles' eyes widen as he sees tears start flowing from your eyes again.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asks as he wraps an arm around your shoulders. You shrug as you shake your head.

"It's complicated, and besides, that's what our therapy's for" you chuckle dryly. Miles' eyes wander the room as he tries to think of something to do to cheer you up. "How 'bout we go out tonight?" he suggests.

"I don't like the tone of that voice" you sass as you turn to give him a look. Peter watches Miles turn around, and his eyes widen. Miles was wearing a suit, a Spider-Man suit. The same Spider-Man he saw the other week.

"Any place you wanna go to, we'll go" he adds with a cheeky smile. "Really? You're not busy?" You cross your arms as you stare him down.

"Nah, night's been quiet. Besides, I might be busy tomorrow, then you'd miss your favorite person in the world" he winks as you begin to smile. Peter's heart sank as he realized what was happening. He thwipped a web to the building across from yours and sat down on the edge of the roof. Pulling out his phone, he sent you a text.

Can we talk tomorrow?

Giggling could be heard from across the street. Peter looked up and bit his lip as you glanced at your phone and threw it on your bed. You got onto Miles' back, and you both swung away.

----

After you tried calling Peter that day, you stopped reaching out to him altogether. You decided that you'd wait to talk to him until he finally realized you weren't there. It had been about five weeks, and in those five weeks, you had gone to therapy and counseling.

You met Miles in counseling. He was sweet but seemed to get off topic a lot. When you were getting ready to leave one session, he had come up to you, put his hand on your shoulder, and let out a simple "Hey." One thing led to another, and you had both bonded over your losses. You went to Miles' uncle's funeral, and he went to Jay's funeral with you.

You were currently sitting on a swing at the playground as you waited for Peter. It was taking him forever to show, and at this point, you wanted to get this whole conversation over with.

Frowning, you looked around, wondering why he was taking so long. He should've been here by now. Maybe he decided not to come after all.

When that thought crossed your mind, you scoffed and stood up. Before you could go anywhere, however, you felt someone gently grab your hand. Looking back, you saw Peter staring at you with a small smile on his face.

"You came."

"Of course I did"

Peter pulls you towards him and wraps his arms around you. You take a deep breath as you stare off towards the slide. He pulls away when he realizes you're not hugging him back. The both of you pull away awkwardly as you look at each other.

"Peter-" "(Y/N)-" both of you speak at the same time.

"I- I have o tell you something" he starts with a stutter. You wait patiently as you motion for him to continue. "I know th-that I've been....not here for you for a while-" he cuts himself off when he hears you scoff.

"I.....I had these things, and I should've told you as soon as we started dating, and I'm sorry. I know I've been an asshole, more than that actually" you roll your eyes and shake your head as he continues.

"I just.....I love you, and I want you to know that even though I don't show it a lot" he finishes as he rubs the back of his head nervously.

The good thing about coming to this park was that there was usually no one here, and you were glad no one was here right now because boy were you fuming. "Told me about what Parker?" Your hand goes to your hip as you glare at him.

"W-Well....uhm......that guy that you talk to.......I'm like him I guess. Spider-Man." Your eyes widen when you hear the first part. "How the hell do you know I've been talking to someone?"

Peter stumbles with his words as he realizes he's been caught red-handed, "Uh...I was gonna visit yesterday, and I kinda....saw you..talking to him....." You narrow your eyes as you pick up a stick and throw it at him. He ducked before he could get hit, but you were already in his face.

"You were spying on me?!"

"I-I wasn't trying to! I was just-"

"Christ Peter!" All this time of you not being here, and now all of a sudden you just wanna show up out of nowhere because of what?! Jay?! Is that why you're finally talking to me?!" Panic stirs in Peter's eyes as he tries to come up with an excuse.

"I tried so hard to get you to talk to me, and you only wanna talk now because of that shit?! Peter, I can't do this shit with you anymore. I don't care if you're Spider-Man; what was the point of not telling me in the first place?! We live in New York for God's sake!!"

Your face is red as you frustratingly wipe away your tears with your forearm. Peter stays silent as he watches you; he can't say anything right now because you've hit the nail on the head.

"Y-You know what, fuck this. I can't do this shit any-anymore, Peter. But please tel-tell me; w-what did I do wrong? I di-did my best to keep both of us h-h-happy. Please, just tell me what I did wr-wrong." Your words are barely recognizable as you hold yourself to keep you're shaking body still.

Peter steps forward, but instead of stopping him like he thought you would, he cups your face gently as he looks into your eyes.

"(Y/N).....I'm so sorry I made you think this was all your fault. You did make me happy; you still do. I just...I've been so busy being Spider-man that I've neglected you, and I'm sorry for that. But I do still love you, (Y/N). I swear I'll stop doing everything just for you. I-I'll give up being Spider-Man."

You watch him unravel as he keeps talking. You can't bring yourself to care, however, as he spills his heart out. Too much disappointment has built up over the months.

"Pete...."

"Please......(Y/N), just give me another chance. I'll do anything, just please, don't leave me." His voice is soft and insecure as he begs you, almost quivering as he says it. It doesn't invoke any sort of feeling in you though. His sad eyes watch as you pull away from him,

"I'm sorry Peter" you whisper softly as you turn around and walk away.

He doesn't run after you or even shout.

Peter simply watches you walk away until you're out of view. The only thing he can hear is your footsteps as they fade into the distance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Alright so...this whole thing was based on how I could see him being Spider-Man in the beginning ig? Imo I feel like between him and Miles, the latter would be the first to tell you he's Spider-Man

And I always felt like him being away like that with no real reason would make an s/o feel like it's their fault or sumn. Like, I've always seen fics where he and the reader always make up about it, but I wanted to try the bad ending where even though he had good intentions, he's just not ready to handle being a hero, student, and partner.

#peter parker oneshot #peter parker x reader #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfiction #miles morales #miles morales x reader #marvel mcu #marvel imagine #marvel one shot #peter parker imagine

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smolgloves · 3 years

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13! "what if i didn't catch you?!" (if you're still taking prompts ofc!!)

So this turned out longer than I thought lol. Also I wanna give a shout out to @obwjam because I wrote this based on a prompt she did for a star wars au she did awhile back. I have it reblogged below.

FORCE WIELDER

Many borrowers think living in the jedi temple is reckless and dangerous. They say the jedi can sense a borrower deep within the walls, plus, most jedi keep their living quarters in pristine condition, but after living within the walls for months, Ahsoka figured those stories were just a myth. The jedi are hardly in their rooms, making it easy to just grab stuff when needed. And while a lot of the jedi were neat freaks, there was one jedi who usually had a messy room…

Ahsoka could never remember his name but it was something along the name of Sky guy. He was a human that loved to tinker on gadgets in his spare time. There were all sorts of screws and scrap metal lying around, also out of all the Jedi, Sky guy was the one who was least likely to ever be in his quarters.

Sky guy wasn't scheduled to be back for another few days, so Ahsoka knew she had plenty of time to borrow some stuff she needed for a new ascension cable she was working on.

So she made her way through the air vents until she reached Sky guy's room. She had the vantage point to see the entire room. On the nightstand by his bed, Ahsoka could see some scrap metal lying around. Perfect for what she needed! So the tiny Togruta used her primitive grappling hook to make her way down to the floor. After unhooking it, she made a dash to the nightstand and climbed her way up it.

~~~

Ahsoka spent hours working on that ascension cable, trying to get it to work. But for some reason, it didn't want to shoot out! Ahsoka was so preoccupied that she almost didn't hear the door open. Immediately, Ahsoka dropped her stuff and jumped off the nightstand. She tucked and rolled once she hit the ground and dashed under the bed.

Black boots lazily entered the room and began walking over to the desk, but Sky guy only took about three steps before he stopped.

A feeling of dread washed over Ahsoka, telling her that Sky guy knew she was here. He turned over and headed over to the nightstand, Ahsoka backed further into the shadows. She knew she had to get out of this room.

"What's this?" Sky guy muttered.

Drat! How could she have been so stupid and leave the grappling hook on the nightstand?! Ahsoka had to weigh her options, could she slip by undetected to the door? No, he was already too close, even if she was as stealthy as she prided herself to be, he had the high ground and would spot her a mile away. The only other option would be to get to the air vent. But it was so high up, even if Ahsoka jumped from the desk there still wasn't a confirmed chance she'd make it to the vent even if she jumped!

But it was her only option as Sky guy was already kneeling down to look under the bed. Ahsoka slipped out from the bed and made a dash to the desk. Fortunately, Sky was still examining her previous hiding spot but it wouldn't be long before he would wander over to the desk. She channeled all the energy she could to jump up to the top of the desk, then made a break for it.

"Huh?" Sky guy had finally stood up and turned towards the desk. He knew of the little borrower now. But Ahsoka had already leapt up in the air by the time he saw. She was practically flying to the vent at this point, just a little further and she would be home free!

But suddenly, she stopped. A feeling of weightlessness flowed through her body, Ahsoka was floating in midair! She glanced over at Sky guy who had his hand stretched out towards her, his blue eyes staring right at her. Then a force seemed to push her towards him, a sense of dread formed in Ahsoka as his fingers curled around her once she got near. Once his fist closed around her, she knew she was as good as dead.

Sky guy stared down at Ahsoka, his brown brows furrowed as if he was trying to examine her. "You're just a kid."

"And what about it?!" Ahsoka snapped. Fear was fading and being replaced with anger. She began throwing punches at his fingers, hoping by some miracle he would drop her.

But Sky guy just sighed and walked over to the desk and sat down. He immediately deposited the little borrower in front of him. "Now don't mo-!"

But Ahsoka already made a break for the edge of the desk again, this time she would make it to the vent above her! However, a gloved hand slammed down in front of her and she crashed into the palm. Surprisingly, he didn't try to grab her again, instead he let her skitter back away from hand. Ahsoka looked up at him, who had an annoyed look on his face.

"Nice try, but You're not going anywhere, I have a lot of questions."

Ahsoka crossed her arms. "And who says I got answers?"

"You know, you're pretty snippy for someone who's not even five inches tall." He chuckled. "Which I gotta say, I didn't know Togrutas could be borrowers."

"You… know about our kind?"

"Well not much... the jedi temple doesn't have a lot of information about your species." Sky guy explained. "But I'm pretty sure you're the first borrower that was reckless enough to live in the temple."

"It's not like it was hard!" Ahsoka spat out. "I've been taking things from your room for months and you just noticed!"

"Because you got reckless." Sky guy held his hand above her to show the faulty ascension cable.

"That's mine, give it back!" She demanded.

"Gotta say, you made quite a good replica of the Clone troopers' ascension cables, but I'm sure you needed it for that jump you tried to do."

"It wasn't working." Ahsoka gritted her teeth. "It's not like I needed it, anyways."

"Didn't need it?!" Exclaimed the Jedi. "Do you even realize how far that fall is for your size! What if I didn't catch you?!"

"I would have made it!" She snapped.

Sky guy responded with a scoff. He was doubting her abilities and that only made Ahsoka's blood boil more!

"You think I haven't fallen from heights greater than that?! But I've always managed to land on my feet somehow!"

Sky guy raised a brow. "What do you mean by somehow?"

The borrower shrugged. "I'm not sure how to explain it, anytime I've fallen, I just have a feeling that tells me the best step to surviving the fall."

Sky guy pondered on her words before his eyes slowly widened. "You're force sensitive!"

"What does that even mean?"

"Listen, as soon as I walked in my room I felt a presence. It was like a little voice telling me you were in here, and I bet you did too!"

"That doesn't mean anything!"

"Oh, yes it does! You're strong with the force!"

"I think you need to update your borrower history, Sky guy! What you think is 'the force' is actually just borrowers learning how to maneuver."

"Alright Snips, maybe you're right. Borrowers are just durable creatures, but you know what isn't durable?" Sky guy smirked as he dangled the ascension cable over the edge.

"Dont!"

He released his fingers and the contraption descended to the ground, Ahsoka shouted and reached her hand out, she felt something powerful flow through her as if she was connecting her reach towards her cable. Instead of it hitting the ground and breaking, it floated in midair, and then slowly made its way to her feet. The energy drained from her and Ahsoka fell to her knees. "That was exhausting!"

"You need training, little one." He said. "I should report this to the council."

"No!" Ahsoka gasped. "I refuse to be known by anyone else!"

"But you can't just run around without control over your powers." Sky guy explained. "If the wrong people got a hold of you, it could be very bad."

"Please, don't tell anyone about me!" Desperation was in her voice.

Sky guy pondered on her words for a moment, then a sigh escaped his lips. "Alright, I won't tell anyone… but only if you let me train you."

"Are you serious?"

"You don't want to be known, and you'll be taught by the best Jedi Knight in the galaxy." He flashed her a smile.

"I don't know…"

"How about I help you fix your ascension cable too, and give you anything you need to make other gadgets."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

Part of Ahsoka told her to run and not trust him. But she was immensely curious about her newfound powers. "I suppose a lesson or two wouldn't hurt."

"Great!" Sky guy exclaimed. "We'll get started tomorrow, but can I ask for your name… unless you don't mind being called Snips?"

"It's Ahsoka!" She scoffed.

"Well I'm Anakin Skywalker, but typically a Padawan addresses a teacher as master."

"Don't push it."

Anakin chuckled. "You should rest now, regain your strength for tomorrow. I can place you on the bed if you'd like."

Ahsoka shook her head. "I don't feel comfortable being grabbed."

Anakin nodded. "Then hold on, and I'll find something to sleep on."

He left the desk but Ahsoka had already laid her head down. Fatigue had taken over her body. Who knew that the force would be so psychically and mentally draining, but maybe with some training, Ahsoka could be as powerful as Anakin Skywalker.

#writing #mine #giant male #tiny female #ask #borrowers #star wars #star wars the clone wars #ahsoka tano #anakin skywalker #the clone wars #gt #giant tiny #giant/tiny #giant #tiny #g/t writing #g/t #gt talks

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lahelasaveiro · 3 years

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We’ll Be Fine

Pairing: Tatum Mendoza x f!MC

Word count: 1.2k

Summary: Basically after Tatum said goodbye to MC and debriefed Demarco.

A/N: Okay, so bear with me. I haven’t wrote a fanfic in YEARS. But I am in my feels as I finished watching The Witcher and PB basically confirmed Foreign Affairs as a standalone and I am left with so many questions. So I opened my laptop and started writing. I’m sorry if it’s bad, but I needed to get it off my chest lmao. If there are any (grammatical) mistakes, I’m sorry! English is not my first language. :|

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‘’I don’t want you to lose her out of your sight for one second, do you understand, Demarco?’’ The bodyguard came out of trance when his boss talked to him directly. The news of Tatum getting his desired promotion was good news for him but bad news for the team. Demarco cleared his throat once and then once again. ‘’Yeah of course, boss. I will never let an attack happen again, you have my word’’ Tatum seemed a little bit more relieved at that statement and yet, Demarco couldn’t shake the feeling that his boss wasn’t as happy as he should’ve been a month ago with a promotion this big. Back then his transfer request was all he could ever talk about. He remembered him saying how much he wanted to go back to the army. How he felt that his hard work in the force seemed to be in vain. Now he had puffy eyes and a sadness that seemed to match in them. He knew the First Daughter and Tatum used to be best friends. Hell, they even grew up together. Former bodyguards told jokingly the two were inseparable and a pain to guard. It would not be impossible for the both of them to develop feelings. Demarco thought of his husband back in Rutherland and how he hated to leave him behind. What if Tatum felt exactly like that?

‘’Boss, I apologize if I am out of line saying this, but for someone who gets the promotion of a lifetime you seem to be dreading it’’

Tatum clenched his jaw tightly and awkwardly put his hands forcefully in his pocket.

‘’I will celebrate my transfer whenever the time is right. I just want you to promise me to keep her safe now, Winston told me my replacement will arrive tomorrow but I will not trust them to keep her protected. I trust you, do you copy?’’

Tatum’s voice became even more stern. Demarco nodded. ‘’You know I will, boss. I also hope you know that everything you say, I will treat with the utmost discretion.’’ His boss acknowledged that in silence. Yet the sadness didn’t seem to be fade. In fact, it became more visible.

They stood in silence for a while until to Demarco’s surprise Tatum spoke. ‘’A month ago, this promotion was all I could hoped for. But now… Now all I can think of is how I’m leaving her again for the same reason as five years ago. I don’t want us to grow apart again to only see her on the news and magazines with that fake smile on her face’’ A small tear escaped the corner of his eye but Tatum wiped it away as quick as he could ‘’So why did you accept it? You’re not at all excited to leave and you know we love our job with you as our boss’’ Demarco felt nothing but sympathy for the man in front of him. He never saw him so.. devasted. ‘’She told me to. I thought that if she would tell me to stay I would refuse the promotion because she would need me. It is foolish to think that someone like her would need someone like me, huh?’’ For the first time since the debrief, Tatum looked Demarco in the eye and all he saw was the storm raging inside Tatum. ‘’Someone like her would be happy with someone like you though, boss. You’re more than just her bodyguard’’ Tatum scoffed. ‘’No, Demarco. When she was on the fake date with Alexei and having fun, that was when it hit me. That’s how her love life should look like. With someone that Rutherland and everyone that means a damn would approve. I am a nobody while she is everything. I wouldn’t be good enough for her like Alexei would be. Or even Blaine Hayes.’’ Demarco laughed joyless. ‘’Trust me, boss. No one in Ardona can compare to you.’’ For the first time ever since Tatum came into the room he smiled, albeit a sad one. ‘’Thank you, Demarco. It has been a pleasure to work with you, I will never forget your jokes and banter’’ Demarco was surprised when Tatum gave him a hug and he didn’t know who could use the hug more, but judging by the quiet sniffles it was his now former boss. ‘’Don’t you worry, Tatum. I will give my life for her if I need to’’ Tatum nodded as he got himself out of the hug. ‘’I hope it won’t come to that. And a word of advice; as much as she insists that all the protocols are bullshit, stick with them. If her mom upsets her, and that will happen, take a walk with her. Listen to her. If she misses her dad, let her vent. And if someone hurts her mentally-‘’ ‘’They will never find the body’’ Demarco joked. ‘’Excellent’’ A real smile came across Tatums face, but it faded as soon as it appeared. He picked up his duffle bag and walked towards the door and just before he reached the door, he turned around and looked around the room as if he saw it for the first time. ‘’This must have been a blessing in disguise. The last few weeks must have been one of the best in my career’’ Demarco nodded and gave Tatum a final wave as he walked to the car that have been waiting for him. He walked to the couch and stared into nothingness until Presley gave him a heads up that his shift was about to start.

It felt weird walking to the suite knowing that he was no longer under Tatum’s orders. Murphy gave him a nod. ‘’Quiet night, Murph?’’ The silent bodyguard gave him once again a sign of confirment with his head. ‘’Alright. I’m gonna go inside to see how my favourite First Daughter is doing. After that, I will have to tell you the story about when my husband started almost started a riot during a football game’’ He walked into the suite and knocked on the door he was familiar with.

He opened the door after her soft voice invited him in. The room was only brightened by the table lamp on her desk. Her pet lynx was cuddled in her arms as she was laying in her bed, staring to nothing in particular. The expression on her face matched Tatum’s perfectly. He wanted to tell her how both of them were idiots and that they should confess their feelings to each other. He wanted to yell that she should go after Tatum but he didn’t want to make her feel even worse than she already felt. ‘’I just want you to know that Presley has finished her shift and I will be outside’’ Tears were flowing onto her pillow but she didn’t make any movement to hide them. In fact, she didn’t move at all. ‘’Okay, miss. If you need me, I am just outside’’ With a heavy heart he walked out of the door and closed it. When he got outside, he found Murphy eagerly waiting for him to start this story about his husband. ‘’Okay, Murph. It went like this-‘’

#foreign affairs #tatum mendoza #tatum x mc #pixelberry #choices #choices stories you play

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aboysbestfriendishismum · 3 years

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Chapter 58 - The deal, the name and the prince (Part One)

In the previous chapter: Angie meets Jerry outside the diner after work. He tells her he wrote some new songs he's not sure about and he convinces her to go and listen to the demo in his car. There are three tracks: one is for Andy Wood, one is for his dad and the 3rd one... we'll never know, 'cause Jerry stops the tape before the singing starts, apparently because the song's got something to do with her. Jerry opens up and vents with his ex girlfriend. Angie tells him that no matter what happened between them, she'll always be his friend and will be there for him when he needs her. Jerry takes her home and almost tries to kiss her but nothing happens. Angie's not so sure about the promise she made to Jerry and about her determination to always act as the good girl who does the right thing. Angie calls Eddie and they have a playful fight about her mysterious second name and the petname Eddie chooses for her. The situation escalates when Angie innocently tells Eddie she met Jerry. The singer gets mad at her on the phone. Meg tells her roommate her friend Jane from New York had called looking for her. Angie tenses up, leaves the apartment with an excuse and calls Jane from a payphone. Next morning Eddie apologizes to Angie and admits his jealousy issues and they make up. Eddie can feel she's hiding something but doesn't want to push.

***WARNING: THE BEGINNING MAY SOUND STRANGE AND YOU’LL WONDER IF YOU’RE READING THE RIGHT FIC. BUT IT’LL MAKE SENSE IN THE END, TRUST ME***

***

Kingdom of Talmaren, year X of the New Era

Prince Alexander ran the back of his hand across his mouth to clean off the blood that had just splattered on it. Luckily it wasn't his. The battle had left him exhausted and without strength but there was no time to rest: Basil was surely a warrior as good as merciless, and also a sadist and a pig. To see him reduced to a lifeless ragdoll, sprawled on the floor of his dark Lord's bedroom, would make most of the people of the West Lands breathe a sigh of relief. Anyway he was just the stupid lackey of that monster called Kaspar, who was still damn alive.

Kaspar, King of Talmaren, known as The Bloody, the man who, as soon as he ascended the throne, had started a war that had been dragging itself for almost ten years, and who had already destroyed five of the seven known kingdoms. Among them was Senaria, Alexander's homeland. Officially the war called for mere territorial expansion but it hid a totally different purpose. That purpose laid before the prince's frozen eyes and had the features, now almost unrecognizable, of the woman he loved, her arms chained to the iron bedpost of His Majesty's bed. Her legs had been let free, presumibly because, even if she had used them to defend herself, there wouldn't have been too much she could do. Coriliana's face was a shapeless mask of hair and dried blood, whereas her body showed a horrible veil of bruises. Except for a vulgar necklace of black stones he had never seen before, the young woman was completely naked. Alexander's eyes were focusing on her ample bosom, where he'd often found comfort after the battle, his mind clear of every thought, until he caught a glimpse of an imperceptible movement of the necklace. Up and down.

She was still alive.

There was no time either to celebrate or to take a breath and lick one's wounds, Alexander rushed to the bed and just went at the chains like a crazy person to break them. He kept calling her to try and wake her up from her painful slumber, mental shelter from the abuse of any kind Kaspar and his clique must have subjected her to in the latest weeks. Setting her free wasn't easy. He was striving with his sword trying to deliver effective blows but of course he had to be careful not to hurt his Coril. His... She wasn't his, she couldn't be, she was special, a future queen, actually a future goddess. She was on another level and that couldn't have been possible, not anymore. But his heart would have belonged to her and to her only, for ever.

Finally the chain that blocked her left wrist broke under Alexander's blade and her arm fell abruptly on the bed, also for the weight of the cuff and the piece of chain that remained attached.

Alexander went fot the other chain. On his knees on the bed, holding the sword with both hands, he hit the metal with rage until he broke that too, almost at the same moment the legitimate heir to the throne of Senaria felt something brushing against his hip and a tentative and weak squeeze. He stared at her for a moment, maybe Coril's eyes were still closed (who could tell from that mess) but her hand was looking for him. In that moment Alexander felt some relief, together with a deep shame: he hadn't seen Kos' future Queen for months, he couldn't remember how long it was since he had last held her in his arms, since he had tickled her body with his fingertips and his tongue, since he had pushed himself inside her. Now the woman he loved was there, lying naked right under him, and as he looked at her, although she was unconscious and ravaged for Kaspar's torture, he was ingloriously aroused.

He came to his senses almost immediately, tried to move Coril delicately until she was almost sat down, then he wrapped her in his woolen cloak. They had to be quick but he couldn't take her out of the castle like that, that would be humiliating for her. Furthermore the biting cold of Talmaren's winter could have worsened her already precarious conditions.

In a second he picked her upon his shoulders like a bundle and ran towards the door of the chamber of horrors. She seemed smaller to him, he had carried her many times and never as a dead weight and he had never felt her so light, so fragile. He walked fast, but warily, the large corridor. He slowed down when he thought he spotted a moving person's shadow, most likely a man, projected by a torch at the end of the passage, where the corridor turned to the right. He took his hand off his sword only when he recognized Gabriel, his younger brother. He sped up again and nodded at him. Gabriel froze and reciprocated, slightly lifting his head, then he noticed he had found her and gave him the signal the coast was clear. The whole situation was so spine-chilling that it was impossible to just believe that but Alexander could swear he saw a smile appear on his brother's face.

The small army led by Alexander had camped on the banks of the river Neeto. To avoid the patrolling, they had thought about crossing the forest to reach the castle. Along the way they had suddenly found themselves in a small clearing, showing up out of nowhere in the middle of the thick wood, and the Prince had decided to make it their base. The fortress was almost at an hour walk distance and Alexander thought that, for saving Coriliana, a silent attack in the middle of the night, with a bunch of knights getting in without attracting attention, would have been more effective than a siege. For the purpose he had chosen twenty men to follow him, Gabriel included, leaving the rest of the infantry at the clearing.

He was now cursing himself for that choice as he walked his way backwards through the path climbing down on the Zham Mountain, the base of Kaspar's residence, trying not to lose balance and fall in the void. He breathed a sigh of relief when the downhill finally ended and the wood appeared, until he figured out paying attention not to trip over exposed roots and to avoid being slapped by overhanging branches, and also being careful Coril wouldn't get hurt either, was equally difficult.

He thought back at the way his brother had looked at him when he told him he would have taken care of Coril. Gabriel would have covered for their escape, together with the other knights, and then looked for Kaspar's spouse. If everything had went according to their plans, a few threats would have been enough to make her say to them where her husband was. Gabriel had understood the orders and had taken his leave with a bow, but not before giving a poisonous look to the Prince. Alexander had to forget that woman, he knew it well, and he would have done it, there was no need for the others to remind him repeatedly. He would have taken one step back one day, he knew he was out of place in Coriliana's heart, but he had to take care of her first, make her feel better, prepare her to the future that awaited her. A future on command, which didn't include Senaria's Prince on her side, if not as an ally in the war against the Bloody Kaspar and his people.

The profecy was clear.

He heard the sound of water, the river Neeto was close. He recognized the signal his brother had traced on a tree trunk on their way to the fortress and turned left. He followed another direction and found himself on the waterfront. Suddenly he felt Coriliana moving and holding on to him as much as she could. He was considering stopping. He would have made her sit down for a while, then he'd have quickly run to the river to collect some water in his flask. Then he'd have rushed back to her and had her drink some, through small sips, and he'd have used the rest to wash the blood from her face and hair. Without wetting her too much obviously or she would have caught a fever in such a cold weather. He'd have reassured her, the camp was close. He'd have told her that it was over and that she'd be better, that those creepers wouldn't touch her anymore, that he'd kill Kaspar with his hands. Or he'd have just stayed with her, in silence, looking her in the eye as she drank. He slowed down as he thought of her plump, wet lips, when these softly brushed against his left cheek in a dry kiss and whispered:

“Gabriel”

Alexander felt his knees give way. Suddenly the burden on his shoulder seemed too heavy, it was crushing him, but he quickened his pace nevertheless. He didn't mind the branches hitting him on his face.

Now poison had a completely different taste.

God, I'm sorry Coriliana but you're such a bitch. I shake my head and chuckle as I turn the roller knob and remove the paper from the typewriter. There's really nothing to laugh about anyway. I live in a shitty apartment in New York, I look out any of the two only windows and all I can see are bricks. I'm single, I'm alone, I don't even have a cat because the landlord doesn't allow any pets. I hear a weird noise, like a ring. The phone? I don't even have a phone, every time I need to call someone I have to leave the house and walk up to the phone booth right in front of the chair shop at the end of the road. And by the way, what's with a shop that only sells chairs? I don't expect it to offer complete furniture sets but it could at least have stools, armchairs, tables too. No, you can only buy chairs at Planet Chair. Like the one I'm sittin on right now, which comes right from that fuckin' shop. I buy chairs at Planet Chair and write bullshit for a living. What have I become? From an aspiring Hollywood screenwriter to cheap romance writer tha-

I wake up with a jolt, sweating and panting.

“What the fuck” I comment my shitty dream aloud. Thanks a lot Morpheus, what the hell have I done to you? I let myself fall back down on the bed and take a few breaths. The fantasy part was interesting after all, and Prince Alexander was definitely something, also because he looked a lot like Eddie. I'd have gladly skipped the part about my eventually disgraced future though. The phone keeps ringing and for a minute I'm afraid I'm still in my terrible nightmare, then I realize it's my actual phone ringing. I stretch my hand across the nightstand and manage to grab the phone on the second attempt, after it fell on the floor the first time.

“Hello”

“Is it Friday yet?” the Prince's, ehm, I mean Eddie's voice brings me back to another kind of dream.

“No, Eddie” I instinctively answer with a yawn, following the unwritten script of our recent favourite game.

“Hehehe what do you mean no? Today, it is!”

“What?” I feel I'm waking up completely, even though I don't want to. 'Cause I think that if I put some effort, I could close my eyes, fall back asleep, pick up the dream where I left off and quickly get to the point when that Coril bitch dies and Alex is alone and ready to be comforted by someone, who could be anyone. Like the farmer's daughter, who's like the exact replica of me but hot, skinny, blue-eyed and with straight teeth. Nobody had straight teeth in the Middle Age anyway though. There were no braces. There were no dentists either. It was a miracle if they got to their forties and still had like four teeth in their mouths. It was a miracle if they got to their forties.

“Are you still asleep? It's Friday, for real”

“Not really. What time is it?” I can understand why Eddie's impatient, especially after our little fight the other night, but I had no idea he'd go as far as calling in the middle of the night to celebrate the date.

“It's eight o'clock. Sorry if I woke you up, I thougt you were awake for a while now. Don't you have class this morning? I thought it was the last day before...”

“WHAT?! EIGHT O'CLOCK?” my braincells wake up all together as soon as they realise the alarm clock didn't work and I'm late. A quite unique occurence. I mean it's very unlikely for me to forget about setting the alarm and, even if it happens, it's impossible for me not to automatically wake up on time all the same. Panic is so immediate that I get up, grab random clothes and rush to the bathroom cursing under my breath. After five minutes at least I realize I forgot something. I run back to my bedroom and look for the phone. Can't find it. Then I go straight to the bathroom once again and right in the middle of the pile of clothes I retrieve the cordless phone “Are you still there?”

“Yes, you know I love listening to you on the phone”

“You haven't heard much I guess, except for a lot of curse words”

“Uhm not that many”

“And the sound of me brushing my teeth”

“And peeing”

“EDDIE!” the hair band I was using to put my hair up slips from my hands and is shot in space like a bullet, ending who knows where.

“Uh I heard that too, it's not my fault”

“GOD THAT'S SO EMBARRASSING!” I cover my face with my hand, as if Eddie could see me.

“That's real intimacy”

“Couldn't you just hang up?” I whine as I'm scanning the bathroom's floor looking for my hairband.

“Nuh, the live commentary of your madness was too entertaining, kitty”

“Well kitty here is not entertained at all” ok, if I start using this pet name too, I'm screwed.

“Come on, it's not that bad”

“Kitty is very embarrassed now”

“I can fart on the phone if you want, that makes us even and you don't need to be embarrassed anymore”

“Hahahaha fuck you, Eddie!” I insult him when I finally find the hairband, right on the radiator.

“Anyway, I'm seriously shocked: you forget things too, you know, like us mortals”

“See? Things can go beyond my control too”

“Wow, you're human”

“Anyway, I gotta go now, 'cause the human being here is extra-late and has to take a shower”

“Does it bother you if I follow that one live as well?”

“Why? Does the sound of water relax you too?” I pass the phone from one hand to the other as I take off my pyjama top and throw it into the pile of dirty clothes.

“Yeah, that's exactly what I'm interested in. Running water. It's not like I think about you naked in the shower or anything”

“Come on, I can't stay on the phone, I gotta go” I'm thinking of a long list of jokes about Eddie's horrible taste but I have no will or time to make him upset so early in the morning. Well, early... it's already past eight. Past. I take off my pants and kick them in the laundry basket.

“You know you could have brushed your teeth directly in the shower to spare some precious minutes? You're clearly a newbie at being late”

“And I hope I'll stay a newbie. I'll call you after lunch, ok?”

“Ok... Wind?” I stand up straight and the panties I was taking off remain rolled up around my knees.

“...”

“Angie?”

“Uh...” I look around, lost and uncomfortable, as if I found myself suddenly naked in front of Eddie. And after all, that's the way it is.

“WAIT, DID I GET IT RIGHT??”

“Almost”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALMOST? AM I RIGHT OR NOT?”

“You are... half right” I finally remove all my clothes and take a towel.

“Half?”

“I'll tell you later, gotta go now” I get into the bath tub and place the towel on the stool right next to it.

“Later my ass, tell me now”

“It's half the name” I'm standing in the tub, late, phone in one hand and showerhead in the other, can't we just postpone this conversation?

“So you're WindSomething? Or SomethingWind?”

“Exactly”

“Exactly what? First or second one?”

“Later Ed, byeee”

“OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, ANGIE?!”

********************************************************************************************************************************

“Thank you, huh? Goodbye, sir!” I address my greetings right at the back of the guy who's just bought a carton of Pall Mall Extra Mild smokes and left without saying a word to me. I can understand someone may not be in the mood for talking, socializing or interacting like a human being from time to time. And I'm the flag bearer of the idea that you can't judge the others, especially strangers, because you have no idea what shit they're going through. But, even in my darkest moments, I never forgot to say good morning or thank you to the shop assistant, the waiter or the check-out girl. Cause these people are already working shitty jobs, exploited and underpaid, and shouldn't be deprived of their dignity as well. And by the way, I'm pretty sure being kind is free. This customer must have had a really terrible day though because he doesn't reply to me and almost doesn't notice the person who's getting into the mini market at the same time, barely avoiding a collision.

“Hey, watch where you're going!” as soon as I hear him cussing at the cigarette guy, I look up to his face and now it's me colliding with a pair of keen green eyes.

“You showed up early Stone, your girlfriend gets off in half an hour” Hannigan talks to him before me, as I'm occupied nibbling on a hangnail on my thumb.

“Uhm can't we make it a little sooner? We've got soundcheck at seven” Stone looks at the clock on the wall right behind me and adjusts the Chicago White Sox cap on his head, the one he wears every time he wants to piss Eddie off a little. That means at every show.

“Oh wow, Grace, I didn't know you were part of the band too, what do you play?”

“Grace is not part of the band. She plays... me, she gently strokes the strings of my heart, music that gets my soul vibrating.” Stone keeps talking with my boss like I wasn't here but I'm not upset, the thing actually amuses me. It's like I'm watching an episode of The Muppet's Show, that is more or less the way I feel every time Stone talks to someone about me “And if I can't vibrate, I can't perform”

“If Grace performs in labelling cereal and stocking the shelves up, I'll let you go vibrating wherever you want, ok?” the boss talks about me in third person too, as if I wasn't present, and at this point I finally have a reaction.

“Ok, thanks. I'll do it immediately” I check my thumb to make sure I didn't bite it all off together with the hangnail as I leave to go to the storage room.

Stone. What the hell are you doing here, Stone? Well, I know what you're doing here but what I'm asking is... how? I mean, you disappear for days, to let everything I told you sink in. And it's not like I wanna blame you for that, I understand you. But what about now? You show up just like that, like nothing happened, to take me to the show? Without asking me first? You didn't even ask me if I wanted to go, if I have something else to do. You basically didn't speak to me. Your heart... I'd rather make your teeth vibrate hitting you with the price gun instead!

“Do you need help?” I turn around when I hear his voice and I'm this close to making my previous fantasy come true.

“No, thanks” I set the correct price and start labelling the boxes.

“Don't you have another of those tools? Ok wait, I'll line them up for you, so you'll make them faster.” Stone starts piling up the boxes all in the same verse, so as to make it easier for me. Once he stacks three piles, he walks away and comes back in a minute with two empty cartons, where he puts the already priced cereal boxes.

“Why are you better than me at my job?” I'd want to tell him with a frown, an arrogant tone, a pissed off mood. But in the end, I tell him smiling because I missed him and I'm happy he's here. Because if he's here, it means everything's alright. Or not?

“I'm just better at organizing, that's it.” he shrugs and gives me the kiss I've been waiting for since I saw him on the door, while his hand crawls along my arm until he steals my pricing gun “Go refill the shelves, I'll go on here”

“Ok, boss”

“What happened now? Did Hannigan make you label the whole storage room? You should have been faster, I taught you the method” Stone comments on me being late as I get into his car.

“Sorry, I had to get myself ready somehow. If I had known before, I'd have left my apartment looking more presentable” I go on as I check my eyeliner work in the wing mirror.

“What does it mean if I had known before? I've been telling you about this show for weeks” Stone looks surprised and I can't understand if he's really stupid or just acts like one.

“I knew about the concert, I didn't know if you wanted me there...”

“The fuck are you talking about? We also agreed you'd come to the soundcheck too”

“Yeah, but we agreed on that before...”

“Before?” so you're just gonna play dumb and act as if nothing happened?

“Before our talk. You know, the talk...”

“So what? The talk didn't change anything”

“No?”

“Of course not, I don't think that the Ok Hotel has a policy of prohibiting entry to people with prosthetics” so the answer to my previous question to myself is that you are stupid. Because, even if you're doing it on purpose, you do that because this is what you are: a jerk.

“And between us?”

“We didn't set up any policy between us”

“Did the talk change anything between us?” the only way to interact with Stone in cases like this is ignoring what he's saying and following your logical train of thoughts, waiting for him to consider you worth talking to for real.

“No, why?” he snorts because this time he has to answer seriously.

“Well, I don't know, you ghosted out for days, I haven't heard anything from you”

“I was busy, you know that-”

“Don't fuck with me, Stone, you clearly said you needed time to make up your mind”

“Well if you knew, then there was nothing to worry about, right?” Stone smiles and thinks he can solve everything with a shrug and turning on the radio. But he's so wrong.

“So?” I ask him turning off the stereo and earning a surprised look from him.

“So what?”

“Did you make up your mind?”

“Yep”

“And?”

“And now... my mind's made up” has he become a man of few words all of a sudden??

“And couldn't you shed some light into my mind too, please?” I'll light him up too, after showering him with gasoline, if he doesn't stop acting like this.

“Do we have to do it right now? I got the show tonight and a lot on my mind ri-” I don't even let him finish talking and I've already unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the car door, since we're at a stop sign “Where do you think you're going now?”

“I'm going home, see you when your mind's free” I reply as I shut the door and walk towards the closest bus stop, while Stone drives beside me slow with the window open.

“Grace, get back in the car, come on”

“I'll get back if you're talking, if you're not I'll pass” I answer as the other upcoming cars honk at and overtake him, yelling swears at him.

“Ok, I'll talk, just get in”

“I don't know” he could be much more convinced and convincing than this, if only he wanted to.

“Ok, OK!” Stone stops and turns off the engine, puts on the hazard lights and gets out of the car. He then walks past me towards the bus stop and sits down on the bench “So? Didn't you want to talk? Come here, let's talk” he pats the room beside him gesturing for me to join and sit with him.

“You're the one who's got something to say, I already told you what I had to tell you. And I understand it's something hard to digest, believe me, I do. But I'm also expecting at least some kind of honesty from your side. I mean, ok, you're here so I guess you wanna keep this thing with me going but-”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You guess? Did you have any doubts about that?” I'm slowly getting to the bench when Stone tugs at my arm and makes me sit down not so gently.

“Well, you said you needed time to think”

“To think about what a dick I was. About how many times I hurt you without knowing, maybe on that same night, using the wrong words or looking at you the wrong way, over- or under-reacting. To think about how much you trust me, how much must this relationship matter to you if you decided to tell me, about how long you must have pondered the way to do it and the timing. To think about what I can do to make you understand that it matters to me just as much and that I trust you the same way. To think about treating you differently and treating you exactly the same at the same time, not changing anything at all and being the usual asshole. To think about what I can give to you in this relationship that is just as significant, how I can help you, or at least understand you, what my added value is in all this. To think about how I can be close to you in this situation, but without bothering you. About how I can find the right key. Oh and I think I found it, you know? That's what I thought about, well, part of that, I thought about a lot of things, but questioning being with you or not wasn't one of them, I never had doubts about it, not even for a second, you can be sure about that”

“Ah” ok he found his words.

“Ah? I said like a million words and you were the one who wanted to talk and ah is all you got?”

“And what is it?” now I'm the one without words. Well, I got four.

“What is what? Ah?”

“The key, you found”

“Oh that. Well, Gaby Pearce”

“Who?”

“My nemesis in third grade”

“Uh, little Stone had a crush!” I have no idea where he's going with this but thinking about baby Stone instantly puts a smile on my face.

“No no, the story's not about little boys pulling girls' pigtails on playgrounds because they're in love, we used to really hate each other. Actually Gaby tried to kill me”

“What?”

“She actively pushed me off the swing at recess”

“Hahaha maybe it was about little girls kicking boys in their asses because they're in love”

“Well, she must have loved me a lot since she gave me a severe head trauma and I spent almost one month in the hospital, plus two of rehabilitation treatments”

“WHAT?”

“Yeah, that sucked. When my mother arrived at Virginia Mason's Hospital she was devastated, she saw me awake and ran to hug me. I looked at her and called her Bread. She fainted”

“Bread?”

“I don't know if this thing has a name, I was too young then and didn't ask later, the concussion had damaged the part of the brain that is responsible for language and speech. I could understand everything and could perfectly talk, but the things I said made no sense. I couldn't remember the name of the things sometimes or I could and I thought about a word but then I opened my mouth and a totally different one would come out”

“Bread”

“Right. Two months with a speech therapist to get back to the way I was. Well, even better than before actually! And thank God because you can only imagine someone like me not being able to talk”

“I can, it's like taking the oxygene away from you basically”

“Hehe exactly. Anyway, it all went well, it was only a temporary thing and I had no consequences at all”

“That's what you think” I joke to release the tension and I'm happy I can see my smirk mirrored by Stone.

“Hey, you can't joke about things like that!” he shoves me playfully than pulls me closer to him on the bench.

“Who says that? I remind you that I only have one foot, I basically have a free pass for cruel socially unacceptable jokes”

“Oh is that so?”

“Yeah, and since you have a sad little story from your past too, you have the permission to make fun of me as well and take it easy. This is the key, right?”

“Oh my god, no! You're way off, I'm not that cynical, shame on you!” Stone pushes me away again and he's laughing but I'm feeling disoriented for real.

“What is it then?”

“It's that I know what it means to start again from zero, Gracie. I don't wanna brag but I'm pretty sure only few people understand what it means to have to go through the process of learning to do basic things again from scratch. Walking and moving for you, talking for me. 'Cause I was much younger than you and I forgot a lot of it but I didn't forget the struggle. And frustration. Very few people know what it means to push yourself out of your comfort zone to achieve goals. Do you know I had just started playing the guitar? I had to start it all over too because apparently the left part of my brain went one way and the right one went the opposite direction and I found out the hard way this is not good when you have to play a fucking instrument”

“It seems to me that you recovered great” I take his hands while he's mimicking some sort of air guitar and rub his long fingers one by one with my thumb.

“Yes but I had to work my ass off, not as much as you of course, but it wasn't easy. Well no, I'm talking shit right now, it was easy after all but only because I decided it had to be, I decided I could do anything and I made it. I just had to understand when I could push myself and when I had to lower the bar a couple of inches and I did. I understood, I learned. And by saying this I don't mean to justify myself for being a fucking control freak perfectionist, but still” Stone laces his fingers with mine and opens his arms, as to say Here I am, I am like this, this is what I'm offering you. And I couldn't ask for more.

“I'm not a perfect perfectionist though”

“And you're perfect like this. I won't pretend to grasp everything about you, also because you're batshit crazy, but I understand the scheme of thought that's behind this thing, this part of you. I can tell when I can push you and when I must lower the bar, and you can do the same with me. I know what it means to follow your guts even when the others tell you to do the opposite, maybe even for your good. And I think you can understand it too, I mean, I'm sure you can. And it's extremely important to me. Because nobody in my life has ever been able to tell the difference between when I'm stubborn only for the sake of it, because I like it or because I just wanna show that I'm right, and when I'm actually pushing myself to achieve a real goal”

“Between being stubborn and being determined”

“See? You understand! Since I took back my guitar as a child, I never stopped. Never. I didn't stop when Green River split. I didn't when Andy died. I didn't when my dad suggested me to go back to college. And now it's my job and it'll always be. And it's not about fame, Mark Arm can say whatever the fuck he wants, I wanna do it because, of all the things I can do, and let me tell you, they are many, music is the one I'm better at”

“Uhm... you're pretty good at presumption too” he's good at everything, especially with me.

“I like to call it confidence. Or simply awareness”

“Are you aware that after this conversation I won't ever leave you because I'll never find another man who can talk to me like this?”

“Do you think I raised the bar too high?”

“Try and lower it and I'll kill you”

“Ok, let's go now, I'm late to soundcheck and Jeff must be making a scene already” Stone smiles and stands up, inviting me to follow him.

“Does Jeff know? I mean, about your accident as a kid...”

“Nuh, nobody knows, except for my family. And that Gaby bitch. Do you know she never even apologized?”

“From then on, I would have started to call her Bitch instead of using her name, blaming the trauma for that”

“You... are... a fucking evil genius! Fuck. Why didn't I come up with that? And most of all, where the hell where you in 1975 if not in my life?” Stone stops a few steps from the car, turns around and hugs me tight.

“Kenosha, Wisconsin”

“Oh. Shit. That changes everything though. Err... I don't know if I can be with someone from Wisconsin, no offence but I don't think I can make it” he lets go of me abruptly and gets into the car fast.

“Sorry if I didn't tell you this dirty secret of mine before, I was worried you'd take it bad” I get in the car too and I can't help following him in this new stupid joke, as always.

“And you were worried for a reason. But we can still be friends if you want”

“Start the car, Stone” following him but without getting lost.

“We can go badger hunting sometimes, if you want to”

“I love you” following him everywhere.

“Even though I can't tell a badger from a raccoon?”

“I'll teach you”

“In that case, I love you too”

********************************************************************************************************************************

When I talk to Angie on the phone in the early afternoon I manage to convince her to go to the Ok Hotel with me and the guys so she could be there for the soundcheck too. But I can't make her tell me her fucking name.

“Ok, it must be Windsomething because you're Angelina W. Pacifico, so it starts with W” I tell her as soon as she comes out of the apartment building.

“Hello to you too, Eddie”

“Windflower? Or Windchill?” I kiss her and ask her pretending to shiver but not pretending much since the late afternoon air is quite frisky.

“No and no” she answers after rolling her eyes. I kiss her again and she looks around, kind of subtly so I don't notice. But she should know I notice everything.

“They're in the van waiting for us. And it's Friday anyway, right?” I smile and kiss her once more and she looks a little less tense this time.

“Yeah, you're right” she smiles one of her killer smiles and puts her hand against my cheek before kissing me back.

“Windstorm” I ask, looking up soon after, trying to understand the weather.

“No. And now shut up because if you tell this to the guys too, you're dead.” she straightens up the collar of my jacket and takes me by the hand “Where to?”

“Down there, after the bowling place, round the corner... Windsurf”

“Hahaha no! Shut up!” she shakes her head and crosses the street with me, keeping her eyes on the van. And although she doesn't say anything and tries to dissimulate, I know in her head she's calculating angle and perspective to try and figure out if they could have seen us kiss. By the way, I already did the maths in the meantime and they must have seen us for sure.

“Ok but you'll tell me later, won't you?”

“Yes. If you get to deserve it”

Once we get right outside the van we see Mike and Jeff sitting on the front, both turned towards Dave, who's sitting in the middle between them, apparently very focused on their conversation. So focused they don't give a fuck about us. They must be talking about us and didn't notice we're right here. I can only imagine their reaction as soon as I'll open the door and-

“Come on, Lynch is a genius” uhm, no, I guess they're talking about something else.

“Lynch is a genius but he's clearly fuckin' with all of us, can't you see it?” Mike retorts at Jeff's claim shaking his head.

“That scene seemed perfectly in keeping with the show. That guy is in direct contact with another world, his art is full of what-the-fuck-have-I-just-watched moments” Dave tries to mediate but it looks like he's not doing a good job.

“A knob? A fuckin' drawer knob??” McCready explodes, startling both Angie and I. We look at each other at the same time, she seems amused, I must look perplexed.

“Hahaha I like the fact that of all the nonsense stuff like the Giant, the Log Lady, the owls, the man in the smiling bag, the one-armed guy, the Man from another place... the knob's the thing that pisses you off the most!” Jeff chuckles adjusting the hat on his head.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I chime in the conversation and let our friends finally acknowledge our presence, since they weren't giving a fuck about us yet.

“Josie's death, in the latest episode” Angie replies instead of my band mates, who barely turn around to look at us.

“When Cooper arrived, she looked asleep” the drummer starts to explain.

“But she wasn't and had just killed a guy” Jeff adds.

“But the guy didn't die immediately, you know, he got out of bed and took a short walk before” Mike jokes, looking for my support, while the other two keep on adding details about the plot alternatively.

“And she confessed she had killed other people too”

“Then it looked like she was about to disappear”

“But she didn't”

“But it looked like”

“But she passed out”

“She fell back on the bed and she was dead”

“Then she and the sheriff disappeared, a spotlight from out of nowhere projected light on agent Cooper and that's when the what-the-fuck moment started”

“Bob came out from under the bed making all his Bob noises and moves and shit”

“And he looked very pleased with himself for his interpretation, let me tell ya”

“But he disappeared soon too and who showed up next?”

“The fuckin' Man from another fuckin' place” Mike gets into the back-and-forth banter.

“And what did he do? What he's better at”

“He started to randomly dance on the bed”

“He did his fuckin' dance” it's once again 'Cready showing his little admiration for the character.

“Then disappeared”

“And Josie and the sheriff reappeared”

“And Josie's spirit was mysteriously teleported into the knob of a drawer in the nighstand” and it can't be anyone but Mike to mention the infamous drawer knob again.

“And she tried to get free from that fuckin' knob but she couldn't and the drawer knob took the shape of her face” this time it's up to Angie to add further details.

“And I was like, what happened? Who did that? Was it Bob? Was it the dwarf? You know, what-the-fuck-have-I-just-watched??” Mike questions us all one by one but we can't answer.

“And we'll never have the answers” right, Jeff.

“And that's the thrill of it! I mean, if they start giving us answers, then there's no point watching it anymore. Just the fact they've already revealed who Laura's killer was, well, it was a big dumb mistake to me” my girlfriend points out as she opens the back door of the van and I help her.

“I must say the show kind of died down a little after that” Krusen admits as Jeff starts the engine and Mike follows Angie's critic.

“I think Lynch didn't mean to reveal it until the end but the channel forced him to. And now he's fuckin' with us for revenge”

“With a drawer knob?” I speak up as I feel kind of left out of the conversation and I prompt another little hysterical reaction of the guitarist.

“That fuckin' knob!!”

“Come on, name another tv show that can pride itself of killing one character by turning her into a knob?” Angie tries to calm him down with a pat on his back, as I close the door from inside.

“Yeah, that's the ultimate death” Jeff admits trying to stifle a laugh.

“They could as well hang a sign on that knob with The End written on it”

“Err it's getting late, I think we should go” I try to get the attention of the gang since I notice Jeff hasn't actually started driving yet. And he still doesn't. He turns around instead and addresses me.

“What do you think about it, Eddie?”

“Eddie hasn't watched Twin Peaks yet but don't worry, I recorded every single episode, we can start filling your gap whenever you want” Angie pats me on the knee and takes my hand and does it right in front of Jeff. And that doesn't go unnoticed to him. I clearly see him looking down on our joint hands, even if it's just for a fraction of a second, then looking back up, smiling and turning around.

“Anyway my favorite one is Log Lady, luckily she's still a mystery” Angie goes on as we finally move. The secret we're about to reveal today though... well, I guess it's not as mysterious after all.

#fanfiction #grungefic #grungefanfiction #grunge #eddie vedder #pearl jam #stone gossard #jeff ament #mike mccready #dave krusen #chapters

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sahbibabe · 4 years

Text

Ignoring The Obvious

Soulmate AU

Sephiroth/Fem! Reader

Part Eleven

Your hospital stay is short. Your training commences. Reno has serious problems with being... well, helpful. Or encouraging. Especially with a giant Shinra dog chasing you through vents.

THE BED WAS HARD, YOUR knees were killing you, your abdomen was on fire, and the nurse was steadily refusing to give you morphine no matter how much you begged. You had spent the better part of two days as high as a kite, blissfully unaware of the train wreck of memories about to hit you the moment you were weaned off of your medication. The file─your unfiltered, raw test subject notes and classifications─sat innocently on the nightstand as if it was completely separate from the emotional turmoil you were facing.

It would be easy, so easy to slip into the mercenary's mindset and ignore the pain. To shove the emotions aside and bury them so deep you didn't even have to acknowledge their existence. All you had to do was will them away, and they would be gone. But that was unhealthy and the moment you did that, all of your progress would be ruined forever and you would start from scratch once more.

But did it really matter? You asked yourself the same question over and over again as you watched the Chocobo documentary on the one-channel television network. You would be going back to that life anyways, with that same mindset and habits, without anyone to stop you from doing otherwise. You would be killing people for Rufus Shinra in the name of eliminating competition; a petty game was what it all came down to.

And you were the knight who guarded the King.

You looked away from the television to your food. It was plain hospital food, rich in protein to help you replace all of the blood you had supposedly lost while you fought the doctor tooth and nail when he tried to get a needle in your arm for an IV. Reno had laughed when he told you about the resident's injuries, but it only made you feel sick to your stomach when the nurses had to strap you down like a wild animal.

Other than Reno, your only other visitor was Rude, and he had been thoughtful enough to bring you a bouquet of real flowers. He wouldn't say where he had gotten them from when you asked, just sat in silence, so you asked him instead how Hojo was doing with that stab wound, as smug as you might have sounded.

"You didn't stab Hojo," Rude told you bluntly, a slight hint of confusion in his voice. Your smugness was wiped from your face. "You stabbed an assistant doctor who had come in to check your new vitals."

"No," you had whispered,"no, that… That was Hojo. I remember it like it happened seconds ago…"

"It doesn't matter. The doctor has been treated and compensated out of your salary. You'll be fifty thousand gil short."

And that had been the end of that.

Now, you picked at the cheap, plasticky roast beef on your plate and pushed your asparagus around in circles. You weren't getting anywhere without the alarms sounding on your bed, so you were effectively a prisoner until they turned them off. Add that to the iron they were slowly feeding into your IV and you felt like a rabbit confined in a small cage, pacing a few steps at a time.

Out of the corner of your eye, sitting right beside the file you were desperately trying to avoid reading, sat the Book of Colors: a book that translated all of the different colors soulmates might see, their specific combinations, and surprisingly, origins.

The strings felt snug against your fingers as you weighed your options, kneading your fingers into your palm. There was a lot you could learn about the authenticity of soulmate bonds through that book. People followed it like gospel, spoke of it as something holy. You had never had a reason to read it until now, or the money to, but now you had prime opportunity and the eyesight to help you do it.

You picked up the book and pushed your lunch tray away from the bed.

It was a hefty leather thing, dyed black and sewn with gold thread to display the title: The Book of Colors. One could easily take it for a children's book, but it was so much more than that. A quick glance at the spine showed it was the newest edition.

The first page you opened it to described the various types of soulmate bonds, everywhere from bonds to the literal soul to telepathic communication. It depended heavily on the people bound to determine what kind of bonds they got. Cynical, unfair people walked around without color vision until they met their soulmate; quiet, shy people got telepathy; and people like you, a mercenary gone civilian, got strings.

"Strings guide the lost home," you mumbled, tracing your finger over the plain description beneath the header,"and return hearts to where they belong."

One of the authors theorized heavily that strings meant involvement with the lifestream personally, or some kind of way to identify past soulmates with one another.

"It's a very unique thing, the strings," the author wrote,"just like anyone else's, but this means that the two souls have already connected before in the past. Eons or two hundred years ago, who can say?"

You skimmed over the rest and flipped over to the colors, the part you had been dreading and also curiously dying to read. There were sections to different soulmate types, some colors meaning different things, so you found your section and settled down in your springy hospital bed.

"Identify the weave of your strings," the book told you. It offered a small chart of different weave types. "You may have two types or you may have four. Find yours and look at the pairing chart to determine the intent of your bond."

That was easy enough. You shook the threads out and looked closely at their weave; there was a single double braid, what looked like a dutch braid, and an elaborately woven pattern that repeated halfway through the string on each one.

"The double braid signifies a union between two people," you read, following the lines with your finger. "If there is a child born from that union, two becomes three on this specific line."

You didn't have a third thread, like you expected, so you moved on.

"The dutch braid signifies a match with power and darkness. Don't worry yourself, though! Darkness can be equated to many things, such as self conflict, a trouble within the body, or even a mental disconnection from stress."

Sephiroth didn't seem to be mentally disconnected, but you didn't even know him that well. You messed with the threads for a few moments, stuck on that phrasing, before finding the last section where the more elaborate braids were.

"This gorgeous flower patterned weave means that you have reunited with your soulmate several times in various past lives. Much like additional colors to the vision discussed in the previous soulmate identification, the different petals on it connote just how many times you have been with your soulmate in past lives. Count them! How many do you have?"

You raised an eyebrow and counted the individual petals. One, two, three, four, five, six, and… just burgeoning on the final petal, weaving itself before your eyes, was seven.

But there wasn't a number for that─there wasn't even a color combination or weave combination for the mess around your hand. You checked several times, but to no avail; no one had ever had gold, purple, and green and black threads.

You slammed the book shut and tossed it back on the nightstand just as the door handle turned and popped open. Reno sauntered past the threshold and made himself at home in the guest chair, eating popcorn and humming an odd tune.

"So, how's the chocobo documentary doing?" His eyes sparkled with mirth. "Making you bored yet?"

"Sure. If you count restlessness as bored." You crossed your arms and fixed him with a hard stare. "When can I get out and do my job?"

"In an hour." Reno threw a handful of popcorn in his mouth dismissively. "Doc says you're cleared to start training and work off that excessive energy you have."

"Good." You ripped your blankets back and hopped out of the bed. The floor was still cold beneath the cheap socks the hospital had given you. The world swam around you for a moment and you steadied yourself against the nightstand. "Good. That means I didn't pass the exam?"

Reno shrugged. "You never finished it. Tseng pulled some strings. As long as you pass training you should be fine."

"Why do you sound like you doubt me?"

"You'll find out in… oh, about an hour."

And oh, find out you did.

"Reno, I'm going to murder you for this."

Sweat traced rivers down your face as you shimmied your way through the ventilation system of the training barracks, a guard dog snapping at your heels. He didn't answer over the comms system, but you knew he had to be laughing at you somehow.

"Shit," you yelped, feeling the dog's teeth sink down into your shoe. You kicked back on reflex and it cried out, releasing you instantly. You moved a little faster, relieved at the sight of a vent, and slammed your elbow down on the grate. It didn't budge and there was a very pissed off hound breathing down your neck. "Oh, fuck me."

"Keep on moving, [Name]!" Reno chortled. You scowled and got on your knees, moving as fast as you could given the cramped space. "Three minutes left!"

"You and your three minutes can go to hell!"

"Yeah, but then who would sic hounds on you then? You'd fail your training no problem."

"Reno," you growled, shoving your fingers into another grate just ahead and pushing down hard. It swung open. The dog got closer. "I'm going to kick your ass."

"Get out of the vents and then we can talk!"

You dropped neatly onto a bench, the leatherwork groaning beneath your feet. You hopped off and opened the door right as the dog dropped out behind you, hightailing it down the hall at full speed.

"Gotta take out the dog, too, [Name]!" Reno reminded you.

Feet skidding into the marble floor, you whirled around, cursing Reno for his snarky reminders and tackled the dog head on. It flailed as you wrapped your arms around its neck and cut off its breathing, barely keeping purchase by pinning your knees to the over muscled thighs. It growled and tried to bite you, the struggle slowing second by second, until it flopped down on the floor, tongue hanging.

Unconcious, but not dead.

You reclined back on your haunches with a sigh, wiping sweat from your forehead, and when you opened your eyes, you found the full brunt of Reeve Tuesti's gaze staring you down.

Your hand dropped from your forehead. Not even your labored breathing helped you forget that you had somehow ended up in a completely different building than Reno had told you to go to.

"Damnit."

#final fantasy #final fantasy 7 remake #sephiroth x reader #soulmate au #soulmate #final fantasy vii remake

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thecassadilla · 4 years

Text

Written in the Stars - Chapter 1

Word Count: 3,328/AO3

Pairing: Kristanna

Love During Lockdown Series: Serendipity (Prologue)

Summary: Figuring out how to go on an in-person date during a time of social distancing would be a challenge for anyone. Luckily, it comes easy to Anna and Kristoff, who find a creative way to spend some time with each other amidst a pandemic.

Author’s Note: Well, I’m back again. If you remember, a few weeks back, I wrote a one-shot about Anna and Kristoff meeting during the pandemic because their deliveries got sent to each other’s addresses by mistake. I added that it had the possibility of being expanded, and ta-da! I’ve linked that fic above. I highly recommend reading that fic before this one, but you do you. I can’t believe I followed through, for the first time ever. This was interesting to write because, well, I had to imagine what an appropriate, in-person date would be like right now. This is going to be three or so chapters, but again, has the possibility of being expanded upon! I hope you enjoy it!

In the days immediately following their initial conversation, Anna found herself carrying her phone everywhere with her. She didn’t want to miss out on a single text from Kristoff. They hadn’t had much contact in the week since their chat - from what she had gathered about him, he definitely seemed to be on the shyer side; despite this, and the pandemic that was practically prohibiting them from meeting in person, she was hopeful that everything would work out and they would have a real opportunity to talk. There was just something about him and their interaction that was different, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was.

Suffice to say, when he called her out of the blue on Saturday afternoon, just over a week since they’d met for the first time, her heart nearly leapt out of her chest.

“Hello?” She answered, breathlessly.

“Hey,” he responded, and she could tell from the tone of his voice that he was smiling. “How are you?”

“I’m great, how are you?”

“I’m doing alright, thanks for asking. Uh, so I know this is going to sound kind of weird, but I haven’t started my car in almost a month and I’m kind of worried that the battery is going to die,” he explained. “I was wondering if you wanted to go for a car ride in a little while? I know it’s short notice and it would be bad social distancing, but -”

“Absolutely,” she cut him off, sounding a little too eager. “I can wear a mask if you’re uncomfortable.”

“No - I mean, you can bring it. I’m going to bring one, too, but you said you haven’t left your apartment in a while, right?”

“I haven’t left in almost two months,” she answered.

“Same here, so I think it would be safe? As long as we’re in the car, and you’re okay with it?”

“I’m totally fine with that,” she said, again fearing that she was going to come off as desperate.

“And...if you want, we can get take-out or stop by a drive-through or something? I know it’s kind of inappropriate, and ideally we’d be going to a sit-down restaurant, but...you know.”

“That would be wonderful,” she assured him. She couldn’t help but wonder if he was worried about not impressing her, because it sure sounded like he was asking her on a first date. The situation they were in was certainly not his fault, though, and the fact that he was still trying regardless of that made her weak in the knees. “What time were you thinking?”

“Um, an hour or so? Or we can meet up later if that’s too soon?”

“No, that’s perfect. I’m dying to get out of this apartment and see a person other than my sister,” she giggled.

“Oh!” He said, sounding a little surprised. “Me too, except with my roommate.”

“I can’t wait,” she said, smiling. “Where should we meet?”

“By the entrance to the building?”

“Okay,” she agreed. “I’ll see you in an hour!”

“See you then,” he said, before hanging up the phone.

She was so excited that she wanted to scream. She immediately jumped off the bed and began to tear her room to shreds - she wanted to wear something that was cute but appropriate. She also didn’t want to have to explain why she was wearing a fancy dress to Elsa. After way too much time deliberating, she finally settled on a light blue romper with spaghetti straps and a pair of sandals. She didn't have enough time for a full face of makeup, so she settled on mascara and lipstick, hoping that he wouldn’t notice. Her hair hung down in loose waves cascading down her back, and she mentally applauded herself for taking a shower that morning. When the hour was about to draw to a close, she placed the mask over her face, grabbed her purse and cell phone, and excitedly bounded out of her bedroom.

She paused in front of Elsa’s door, knocking a few times with no answer. She peeked inside, and was thrilled to see that her sister was taking a nap and could not protest her departure. She decided that a text message would be appropriate, and gently closed the door to her room before practically skipping out of the apartment. As soon as she opened the door, a blast of hot air hit her in the face and she was immensely grateful that they were going to be sitting in an air conditioned car instead of going on a walk. Before she walked downstairs, she sent the text message to Elsa and shoved her phone into her purse - if she could help it, she wanted to keep it there the entire time they were together.

When she finally reached the entrance to their building, she could hardly contain her excitement. So much so that when Kristoff emerged from inside, she found herself approaching him with her arms wide open before she realized what she was doing.

“Oops, sorry,” she said, lowering her arms. “I always hug people after when I haven’t seen them for a while, but I guess we don’t live in that world anymore. Hi, by the way.”

Although she couldn’t see his mouth, she could tell from his eyes that he was smiling. She couldn’t help but notice how good he looked; he was dressed casually like her, wearing cargo shorts and a t-shirt, but it suited him so well that she nearly found herself drooling.

“Hi,” he said back, his eyes still sparkling. “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been doing as well as I can,” she answered. “I feel like I’m starting to lose my mind, though.”

“I feel the same way,” he chuckled, slowly starting to walk toward the parking lot. “I’m glad to be getting out for a little while. You look great, though; quarantine must be treating you well.”

“Thank you!” She exclaimed, walking alongside him. “You look great, too. And I feel the same way; my sister is starting to drive me up a wall.”

“It’s just you and her up there?”

“So it’s a little complicated, actually. She doesn’t actually live here,” she explained. “I had two roommates.”

“What happened with that?”

“One of them broke his lease, because his internship ended abruptly due to the pandemic, so he had to go back to live with his parents. And my other roommate has been quarantining with her boyfriend, but she took almost all of her stuff with her and she’s not answering my messages, so I actually don’t know if she’s coming back.”

“I don’t mean to cut you off, but this is me,” he said, motioning to a grey SUV. He unlocked it, and they each went to their respective sides. It was blazingly hot inside, as expected, and he put his keys in the ignition. “I’m honestly relieved that it started and I’m really sorry that it’s so hot in here, but it should cool off in a few minutes. You were saying?”

She pulled off her mask and he followed shortly after. “Yeah, so, my sister came to visit, like, a week before everything shut down and then she just refused to leave. It worked out since my other roommate moved out, but she’s driving me crazy.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking over at her.

She slid the seatbelt over her shoulder and buckled it in. Cool air started seeping out of the vents, offering relief from the suffocating heat. “It’s not the worst thing in the world, but her anxiety is basically out of control. She’s a touch agoraphobic in general, and this is just making it worse.”

“That has to be really rough,” he responded, shifting the car into drive and slowly pulling out of the spot. “I mean, my roommate just sits around and plays video games all day, so I kind of lucked out in that regard.”

“I would do literally anything for her, but I definitely miss having a little freedom; she doesn’t even want me to go on walks, or anything,” she said, shaking her head. “Luckily, she hates Florida, so I think she’ll try to go home as soon as it’s safe.”

“Are you from Florida?”

She glanced out the window, admiring the clear blue sky and the palm trees. She had almost forgotten what the outside world looked like. “No, I’m actually from upstate New York.”

“Get out of here, so am I,” he said, excitedly. “What part are you from?”

Her face lit up. “Arendelle, it’s a small town near Saratoga Springs.”

“I grew up, like, half an hour from there. Near Broadalbin, in Fulton County.”

“No way! It’s such a small world,” she laughed. “What brought you here?”

“I’ve lived in Florida for a few years now,” he explained, focusing on the road. “I came down here for school. I’m becoming an architect, and I needed an internship, and that led me to this part of the state a couple of months ago. Unfortunately, it kind of got put on hold due to the pandemic.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she frowned. “I don’t know much about architecture, but it seems really cool.”

“It is,” he grinned. “But it’s a lot to talk about and I don’t want to bore you. What about you?”

“I doubt you would bore me, but to answer your question, I needed a change. I came out here for school, too, and loved it so much that I dreaded going home during breaks. So I got a job and found an apartment, and now I live here.”

“What did you major in?”

“I’m still working on my Bachelor’s, but elementary education. One semester to go.”

“You must love kids,” he assumed.

She nodded. “I do, I really do. I had a lot of amazing teachers, and I hope that one day I can leave an impact on someone in the same way my teachers left one on me.”

“Wow, that’s really thoughtful of you.”

“Thank you,” she blushed. “I’m really looking forward to having my own classroom, someday.”

He found himself smiling at the sincerity of her response, but before he could say anything, she had already moved onto the next topic.

“What do you do for work?”

“Well, the internship was my job, for the time being. I quit my job as a waiter for the internship, so I’m currently unemployed.”

She nodded fervently. “Same here - I had a part-time front desk job, and the office had to close, so I got laid off.”

“This whole situation is just awful,” he responded, shaking his head. “To get back onto a happier subject - what do you love most about living here?”

“The weather,” she cooed. “I love the warmth and the sunshine. No snow or shoveling to worry about in this state.”

“That’s the one thing that I dislike about living here,” he remarked. “I kind of miss having four seasons. Oh, and I never want to be referred to as ‘Florida Man.’”

She burst out laughing, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth. “Oh my god, stop.”

“I’m serious! There are so many negative connotations,” he laughed.

“Yeah, but you’d have to do something dumb, like, stick your foot in a gator’s mouth to earn that title.”

“I don’t know, I feel like they’re handing it out willy nilly these days; any man who lives in Florida is officially a Florida Man,” he smiled, shaking his head. “In all seriousness, though, I do hope to move back to New York, someday.”

“I think I do, too. The distance has helped my sister and I grow as individuals, but I’d like to live closer to her. Not anytime soon, though.”

“I get that,” he nodded.

“So, what’ve you been doing to pass the time?”

He sighed. “I’ve been doing school stuff, mostly, but now that the semester is over, I’ve been watching stuff on Netflix.”

“Ooh, what have you been watching?” She asked, turning her body so she was facing him.

“Whatever gets recommended to me, honestly. I watched Tiger King -”

“Oh my god, me too! What a train wreck!” She exclaimed, before bringing both of her hands up to cover her mouth. “I’m so sorry, I totally cut you off just then.”

“It’s fine,” he said, glancing over at her. “I kept expecting it to get better, but it just kept getting worse and worse. Other than that, I’ve been watching a mixed bag of stuff. The Office, Parks and Rec, et cetera.”

“Literally, same,” she laughed. “I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube, too, because it’s interesting to see what other people are doing during quarantine.”

“Good point,” he agreed. “I haven’t even thought about how other people have been coping.”

“Almost everyone I watch has been doing the same stuff I see everyone on social media doing. Baking bread, renovating their houses, watching television. I appreciate people who are putting out unique content.”

“I’ll have to get on YouTube one of these days,” he stated. “What are you looking forward to most when all of this is over?”

“Gosh, I don’t even know,” she gushed. “Everything - I want to eat in a restaurant, again. And go back to Disney World, and to the beach.”

“You know, I’ve never been to Disney World.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope,” he smirked.

“No way! We’ll have to go when it opens!” She declared, and then quickly backtracked a step, worrying that she was too forward. “Only if you want to, though.”

“I’m not opposed to going,” he chuckled. “It was just never high enough on my priorities list. I was actually supposed to go back in March, but then they closed. I’d love to go with you when they reopen.”

“Stop, I’m literally so excited now,” she said, unable to control her smile. “I’m not in a crazy rush to run there as soon as they reopen, but I literally cannot wait now.”

His lips curved upwards as well. “Me too.”

“How about you? What are you looking forward to?”

“Well, aside from going to Disney World, probably just things going back to normal. I miss simple things like going to the grocery store.”

“Do you like cooking?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I do. That’s another thing that I’ve been doing - practicing my cooking skills. You?”

“God, no. I love eating but I’m an awful cook,” she laughed. “I know how to make some really basic stuff, but I have a knack for burning everything. I’d say that I’m a better baker, but I don't think boxed mixes count.”

“At least you try. I’m pretty sure my roommate would live on microwaveable food and take-out if I didn’t live with him.”

She playfully rolled her eyes. “My sister is no better, but we get by.”

“I’ll have to send some food up to you sometime; can’t have you two starving,” he winked.

“Stop, you’re too sweet,” she gushed. “I would love that, though. My sister on the other hand…”

He glanced over at her. “I notice that you talk about her a lot. Is it just the two of you?”

She paused for a moment before answering. “Yeah, it’s just me and her. Our parents passed away a few years ago, and we don’t have any other family.”

“Oh man, I’m sorry to hear that,” he frowned. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“No, it’s okay; I’m actually kind of glad you asked,” she said quietly, twirling a piece of hair between her fingers. “My sister and I don’t talk about them, really.”

He raised his eyebrows. “How come? If you don’t mind me asking.”

She shook her head. “Well, my sister had a lot of anxiety issues as a kid, and she became very closed off. They were concerned, but they didn’t really do anything to address it and we both suffered as a result. They got into the accident when I was fifteen, and she was eighteen so she became my guardian, but it was like I was living with a stranger at first. We got better, eventually, but she was a little overbearing and I needed my own space and that was when I moved down here for school. We just don’t bring them up, now. They weren’t bad people or anything, it’s just hard to talk about.”

He nodded along with her as she spoke, acknowledging what she was saying. “I get that. I’m really sorry that that happened, but I have to say - you’re incredibly brave.”

“Thank you,” she looked up at him and gave him a sad smile. “What about your family?”

“I was a foster kid who got bounced around, so I don’t really have a family. I’m still in touch with the family I was with the longest, but it took two other families to get to them.”

She gasped. “I’m sorry, that must’ve been so hard.”

“Well, a lot of good came out of it. It made me want to work harder, for one, but it also made me realize what type of person I want to be and what type of life I want to live.”

“And what is that, exactly?”

“Well, I want to have a family of my own someday. I just...want to be present for the people in my life.”

“That’s really amazing. You’re also incredibly brave,” she remarked, repeating what he’d just said to her.

“I guess we have a lot in common, then.”

She nodded, suddenly feeling an overwhelming urge to reach out and touch his arm. She hesitated, though. “You can say that again. But it’s a good thing, I think. Not to wax poetic, but we wouldn’t be here right now if all of those horrible things didn’t happen to us.”

“Very true,” he agreed. He pulled into a gas station, stopping the car at one of the pumps and turning off the engine. “Sorry, I just want to fill up my tank so we don’t break down somewhere.”

“No need to apologize,” she insisted, as he climbed out of the car and started fiddling with the pump. She was completely overwhelmed, but in the best way possible. This was easily the best date she’d ever been on, and she was hopeful that he felt the same way and that there would be many more dates in the future. Though it was a bit of an annoyance at the time, she was eternally grateful for the delivery drivers who’d messed up their deliveries.

“Alright, we’re good,” he announced, as he climbed back in and started the ignition again.

“Do you want money for gas?”

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” he insisted. “Where to next?”

She shrugged. “You’re the driver.”

“Are you hungry? We could stop somewhere and eat,” he offered.

“Yeah, that would be great.”

“What’re you in the mood for? I know there aren’t too many practical options for eating in a car.”

“We could stop at that McDonald’s that was just down the street.”

“Alright,” he said, pulling away from the gas station. “I have nothing against McDonald’s, but if the circumstances were different, I would’ve preferred to take you somewhere much nicer.”

“I know,” she smiled. “But I’m not, like, disappointed or anything. I’m honestly having a great time.”

“Me too,” he responded softly. “I’ve really been enjoying talking to you.”

“I’m really glad that we’re on the same page. Also, I haven’t had McDonald’s in at least a year, so I’m super excited about that.”

“Is that why you suggested it?”

“Maybe,” she smirked. “But also because it’s close by and we don’t have to get out of the car.”

“If that's what you want, then I’m happy to take you there, but don’t worry about the distance. I don’t mind going somewhere else if -”

She interjected before he could finish his thought. “Nope, McDonald’s is great.”

“Alright,” he laughed. “Then to McDonald’s we go.”

#kristanna #kristanna fanfic #anna #kristoff bjorgman #frozen #frozen fic #my first multi chapter fic in years #this quarantine is doing something to me #my writing

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forgeandgredimagines · 5 years

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Ew, Feelings『Bakugou Katsuki x Reader』

Request: could u write a bakugou x reader based off of the song crush by tessa violet? i feel like it suits him a lot on the inside. maybe like the readers in his class and he just constantly notices her in and outside of classes? and he tries to keep his cool and not blush even when they’re 10 feet away from him but he can’t help it. idk if u take song writing requests but ur writing is rlly nice and i couldn’t help myself :”) (@skinciiq)

A/N: This has been sitting in my drafts for so long, I’m so sorry!! I finally finished it tho, thank god for that. I don’t really do song fics but I liked the concept and the song (Crush is such a bop istg) so I wrote this instead. I hope you like it :’) 💕💓

Warnings: Swearing ofc, this is Bakugou after all and I guess OOC Bakugou??

“Fuck.”

That was all Bakugou could say when he figured out what was wrong with him. Why he was always so nervous around you. Why his heart always beat so hard when you were near. Why he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

It wasn’t hard to figure out, just hard to accept.

He felt weak, he didn’t understand how he felt so goddamn vulnerable around you, how you always managed to fluster him, how your very presence threw him off guard.

How was he supposed to become the number one hero if he couldn’t even keep his own feelings in check?

Why were crushes so complicated?

It didn’t help that these feelings didn’t lessen even when you weren’t around. His mind always wandered back to you, he wanted to know how it would feel to have your hand intertwined with his, his arms wrapped around you…his lips against your own.

The very thought had him go red at once. He turned over to his pillow and muffled his screams of frustration against it as he punched his mattress.

He had to keep it down or he was going to wake up the whole building, he didn’t need his classmates knowing about his predicament or worse you finding out about it.

He would never be able to live it down if anyone found out. He had to suppress it, hide it somehow. Nobody could know.

Bakugou Katsuki was never ever going to let you or anyone else find out about his feelings for you. Never.

Easier said than done.

Bakugou felt the true weight of the saying now more than ever. Hiding his feelings was much harder than he thought. He’s become hyperaware of all the people around him now that he’s realized his true feelings for you, making him jittery and paranoid.

It would probably have been more bearable if you weren’t constantly nearby.

Well, it wasn’t as if you could help it, you two were classmates after all but god, just having you in the same room had Bakugou on edge.

It also didn’t help that he know had, dare he say, friends (though he’d never admit this out loud to them) As much as he called them idiots, he knew they weren’t entirely stupid. He knew that if he didn’t control himself they’d eventually catch on.

This was all so frustrating.

Bakugou was suddenly torn away from his thoughts by the familiar bell that signaled the start of their lunch period. He hadn’t even realized that class was almost over, he spent the whole period ignoring Midnight’s lecture and thinking about you, more specifically how you were affecting his heart.

He felt himself getting annoyed, now this stupid crush was affecting his studies. If he was aiming to be the best he had to maintain his grades. He made a mental note to borrow Kirishima or Sero’s notes later.

He slowly got to packing his things while watching you from the corner of his eye, you were chatting animatedly with Kaminari, Bakugou tried to ignore the pang of jealousy that hit him.

He wondered whether you liked Kaminari, you two always seemed to be talking and it didn’t seem that far fetched of an idea to him. Kaminari, though can act incredibly stupid sometimes, was warm, funny and sociable, everybody seemed to like being around him, heck he even managed to force Bakugou into an unlikely friendship. He seemed to have everything that Bakugou lacked.

Bakugou found himself thinking about things like this way more often than he’d like. A few days ago, you were helping Iida carry papers to the faculty room and Bakugou found himself feeling bitter towards the class representative for a few days before realizing how ridiculous he was acting.

He knew that he shouldn’t go around resenting and getting pissed off at others for interacting with you. It was stupid and jealousy wasn’t a good color on him.

Besides, it wasn’t as if you two were dating or anything, as much as Bakugou wanted that to happen.

Bakugou never thought he’d find himself in this position, he felt so clueless, he didn’t know what or what not to do. He’d always been smart, he always had a plan ready for whatever hurdles came before him but for the first time in his life, Bakugou was devoid of any ideas or plans.

In the end, he resorted to avoiding you. He couldn’t exactly cut you off 100%, you two were classmates after all so he just didn’t talk to you and he avoided any situations that led to him having to interact with you.

Bakugou didn’t really know how to feel about this, on one hand, he was glad that the chance of embarrassing himself and revealing his true feelings didn’t present itself but on the other, he couldn’t help but long to be close to you.

You two suddenly made eye contact. Bakugou found himself almost dropping his notebook, he tore his eyes from yours as he made a beeline to the exit.

He was hyperaware of your eyes in his, what did you want? Did you find out about his feelings? Bakugou didn’t want to know, right now he had to focus on getting away from you.

He was halfway to the cafeteria when he heard quick footsteps approaching and a voice calling out his name.

He turned to see you jogging towards him, he felt his heartbeat quicken as you slowed down to match the same pace as Bakugou.

“What do you want?” Bakugou asked a bit more harshly than he intended, he was trying to focus on not tripping over his words.

“I wanted to talk about our project.” You said not affected by his aggressiveness, you then listing out ideas about said project before Bakugou cut you off.

“What project? What are you talking about?” Bakugou asked in confusion. You furrowed your eyebrows, you were equally confused as Bakugou now.

“That project Midnight was talking about last week? She made a big deal about it, remember?” You explained, “She just announced who would be partners just earlier in class, were you not paying attention?”

“No, I wasn’t.” Bakugou said through grit teeth, you weren’t saying what he thought you were saying right?

“That’s not like you.” You muttered offhandedly, you didn’t seem to have meant to say that out loud, once you realized you did you decided to act like you never said anything at all “So yeah, we’re partners now.”

Of course you were. Out of all his classmates, it just had to be you to be his partner, the world certainly was cruel.

What was the point of trying to distance himself from you if you two were going to be forced together like this? He couldn’t run away from you this time, from what he could remember this was a big project and failing it would be detrimental to his final grade this year.

He had to prioritize this over his stupid pride.

“When do you want to do the dumb thing?” Bakugou grumbled, he avoided your gaze, he was afraid that you’d notice how red his cheeks were.

“Let’s start working on it this weekend.” You decided after thinking for a few seconds, you two reached the entrance to the cafeteria but before separating to your respective seats you asked “My dorm or yours?”

“Whatever, I don’t care.”

“Mine then. See you.” You waved in farewell and headed to your usual table. Bakugou could feel himself grow more relaxed once you left, his warm cheeks slowly returned to its usual state and the butterflies in his stomach calmed down. God, you were going to be the end of him.

Bakugou knew that he swore not to tell anyone about his feelings, nobody at all but he just couldn’t handle it anymore.

After it actually sunk it that he was to spend hours with you, alone together in a tiny room, he was just hit with a wave of anxiety and panic.

He didn’t know what to wear, what to say, what to do! He couldn’t even be in a 10 feet radius away from you without blushing like a total idiot!

“–Okay okay, Bakugou, calm down.”

Kirishima’s soothing voice advised, Bakugou did just that, he had been rambling frustratedly to the redhead without realizing it. It was nice to vent like this, he could see why people loved doing it so much.

“So, you have a crush?’” Kirishima asked a look of mingled shock and amusement etched on his face.

Bakugou grit his teeth “Have you not been fuckin’ listening, Shitty hair?!”

Kirishima laughed loudly, more than used to Bakugou’s temper “It’s just surprising, Baks. I can’t believe you’re in love~” Kirishima said the last sentence in a sing-song voice making the blonde blush even more than he was already. He shoved Kirishima off his bed.

It proved worth it to tell Kirishima about his feelings. Kirishima was much better with people than Bakugou could ever be, he would give advice to the blonde and he was pretty much a pro at calming Bakugou down so that was a plus.

Kirishima would tease but not as much as Kaminari or Sero would, he swore not to tell the others about his crush. Kaminari was a loudmouth and the whole school would know about his crush in less than a day, Sero was the biggest tease ever, he would have teased and poked fun at Bakugou and that would probably lead to the class catching on. Mina, like Kaminari, wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut, plus you two were friends so he definitely couldn’t have her finding out.

After telling Kirishima his feelings and being able to talk about it, Bakugou was able to relax more but as Saturday quickly started approaching his feeling of dread and anxiety came with it.

“Why the fuck is it so hard to pick a goddamn outfit?”

“Because you’re overthinking, it doesn’t matter, just wear whatever.” Kirishima said from Bakugou’s bed watching amusedly at the panicked blonde who had been rummaging through his closet for the past hour.

It was Saturday morning, an hour before Bakugou had to go do the project with you.

Bakugou now knew what those protagonists in those rom-coms his dad liked to watch felt. He found himself worrying over every little detail like his hair, his clothes, his everything.

He’s never felt this nervous ever since his UA admission letter arrived, he couldn’t understand how you could affect him like this.

Kirishima finally took pity on the distraught male and rummaged through the closet with him. He found a simple t-shirt and pants and handed it to the blonde.

“Bakugou, remember what I said, just relax! You’ll be fine, just go on up there, do the project and boom, that’s it! It’ll be a piece of cake.

“Piece of cake, my ass.” Bakugou grumbled as he stared at your dorm door hesitating to knock. He finally stopped stalling after a few more seconds of heated grumbling and quickly rapped at the door.

The door quickly burst open revealing you, Bakugou felt his heartbeat quicken as usual. You smiled warmly at him which only worsened the hammering of his heart.

You let the blonde in and directed him to the small table on the floor which already had a couple of textbooks and research papers sprawled on it, you seemed to have been getting started with the project already.

Bakugou sat down on the floor and you then sat down on the space beside him making the blonde almost jump in his seat. You were so close, he didn’t really think about this.

“Is something wrong?” You asked noticing his odd expression. He averted his gaze and shook his head. “Nothing, let’s just get this over with.”

The next few hours was probably one of the tensest and stressful moments of his life, well that was an exaggeration but it still felt like it for Bakugou. He was worried he’d say something wrong that he only spoke when absolutely necessary and usually responded with nods and “Mhm“s.

He was also blushing like crazy the whole time too, it was so overwhelming and Bakugou didn’t know how to get rid of his red cheeks so he just covered his face with his hand while he “casually” leaned on the table.

You did most of the talking and seemed to be relatively normal but Bakugou knew something was bugging you. Maybe it was all the times he observed you from afar because Bakugou knew all the little cues and quirks you had, he could see that something was bothering you. He didn’t know how to ask you if something was wrong or if he should even meddle but he did not like seeing you like this.

“What is it?” He asked out of the blue breaking the silence and your focus on the project in front of you. You looked up at him confused and let out a “Huh?”

“Something’s bothering you. You got a problem or somethin’?” Bakugou asked, he didn’t mean to make the last part sound like a threat but it was the best he could do.

You chuckled nervously and fiddled with your pencil “It’s nothing, Bakugou, I’m fine.”

“No you aren’t, it’s obvious as fuck, just spit it out.”

You let out a resigned sigh “Well if you insist,” You fiddled even more with your pencil and bit your lip anxiously. You seemed to be trying to look at anything asides from Bakugou’s eyes. “I was just thinking about what I did…to you.”

Now it was Bakugou’s turn to be confused. He raised an eyebrow and asked “What?”

“Well, I just–I know you don’t like me.” You stammered out, Bakugou raised an eyebrow “You seem to not like people in general but it’s like you hate me the most.”

You had dropped the pencil on the table and instead stared dejectedly at your lap. “You’re normally so loud around the others but when I’m around you’re quiet and you can’t even seem to look at me. You always act weird around me.”

“I don’t know what I did wrong.”

Bakugou felt waves of guilt and panic wash over him. He felt horrid for making you think this, was this what he seemed like from the outside around you? He always thought that he was being obvious and that his feelings were as clear as day but he was apparently doing a great job at hiding them, so great in fact that you and probably everyone else thinks he hates you.

“What!? You–you didn’t do anything fucking wrong, are you a dumbass?” Bakugou exclaimed incredulously.

“Really? But then why are you-”

“Because I like you!”

Bakugou felt himself freeze. He fucked up real bad this time.

He didn’t even realize that he was saying what he was saying because of how angry he was, not at you but at himself for all of this.

Your head shot up and he could see a look of equal shock that must have matched his own expression at that moment. It took a few seconds for you two to comprehend what just happened.

Bakugou felt his blood pressure skyrocket and his brain short circuit.

“I-I-I–” He couldn’t manage out even some half-assed excuse in the few seconds of silence after that, you two simply stared at each other like a deer in headlights.

“You…like me? As in like like?” You asked incredulously, disbelief evident on your expression and tone. Bakugou nearly choked on air.

How was he supposed to respond? He couldn’t just go “Yup!” And pretend nothing happened, he also couldn’t deny it because then how would he explain himself.

“I–I–Fuck. It doesn’t matter okay? Just forget about it.” Bakugou hissed, he avoided your eyes and tried his best to hide his blushing. He was humiliated.

He wouldn’t find it surprising if you were completely disgusted and revolted at his feelings for you and he wouldn’t blame you for kicking him out of your dorm but to his surprise, you just started laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Bakugou asked, he was already embarrassed enough as it was but now you just had to laugh at him?

“I just think it’s so stupid.” You said in between laughs “That I’ve been panicking over my crush hating my guts for weeks when they actually like me back!”

It took a few more seconds for Bakugou to sink this in.

“Wait, what?”

You stopped laughing, flushed bright red and covered your face with your hands. “I’m trying to say that I like you too.”

Bakugou felt waves of relief wash over him, mixed with a lot of shock and pure joy. He couldn’t help but grin.

His heart was still beating rapidly and his cheeks were still the same shade as tomatoes but this time it didn’t feel all that bad. Maybe crushes weren’t as bad as he thought they were.

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deckingdecadent · 4 years

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Spoke too soon about the apathy. Friday had the worst anxiety I’ve had in a few weeks. People at work kept giving me weird looks, told everyone I’d had too much caffeine. Which is true, I got it in my head that if I stopped drinking coffee/energy drinks, I was going to crash and something bad was going to happen. I lost count of the coffee, but I had an entire four pack of V. The drive home was horrible. Even going through the drive-thru and planning a binge didn’t help. I was grinding my teeth, pulling at my hair. I was tempted at every red-light to just keep driving and let whatever hit me. I needed to keep moving. I don’t know why. Something bad was about to happen. For the entire fucking day, I was on edge and resisting the urge to pace land talk to myself ike a fucking schizo because ‘something bad’ was going to happen. I have no idea what this bad thing was. I wanted to die, so I wasn’t scared of something killing me, and what is worse than dying? I don’t know. I didn’t feel safe, and I wanted to die. Got home, turned music on really loud and paced about for a bit. Ate everything in my kitchen and purged. I kind of spaced out for a bit, I don’t know how long I was there with my finger down my throat, but I did feel calmer. Still antsy, but I had a hold of it. No gym visit. Went to sleep sometime around 5. Woke up around 10. Stayed in bed all day. DIdn’t eat much. Can’t remember much else. Except I didn’t go to the gym again. Today, stayed in bed again. Felt a little bit out of it, actually felt kinda okay. Didn’t do anything productive. Was fine with that until late afternoon. Didn’t go to gym today either. I only went three days this week. Maybe that’s why my thoughts are fucking me up so badly. Just got home from a drive. Driving sometimes helps. Didn’t tonight, kinda stressed me out more because I kept getting urges to drive somewhere with a view from a high place. I know not to do that, I’m not sure how I’ll be with that, I’m scared of heights and fantasize about standing close to edge and passing out from vertigo or some shit. Tried eating, but feel nauseous. Everything tastes like cardboard, and I’m not getting the rush from the sugar. I just feel disgusting. Purged again. Feeling better. Now realising that I didn’t purge so I could binge, I binged so I could purge. I hope this isn’t a reoccuring thing, but I have a sinking feeling that it might be. LIke the smoking, and the self-harm. I keep getting hooked on all this bad coping mechanisms. I’ve tried meditating, and reading, and working out, and none of it works. Working out does, but I need to be IN a gym. Can’t be at home. It’s not the same. I want to talk to someone, but my mouth feels wrong saying this shit out loud. And I’m trying to organise my thoughts, structure them so that if I do manage to talk about them, I won’t sound like I need to be admitted somewhere. I want to talk to a guy from work. I don’t know why. I think maybe I like him? I don’t know. I’ve never really liked anyone before. He confessed to me a few weeks ago, kissed me, and I literally had a anxiety/panic attack and called my mum to pick me up. She had to give me a valium to calm me down. I respect this guy. He’s opened up about stuff, and doesn’t pressure me to open up. Again, I think maybe I might like him? The thought of being physical with him makes me sick though. I realise I’ve never had sex with someone I know. It’s always been strangers, and I’ve always kind of tuned out during the act. Did it because I felt I had to, not really because I wanted to. I think I might have had a mental break, because the other shit started getting more intense after all that. Also my father was arrested. I haven’t told many people about that, for obvious reasons. But it feels good to scream it to the void. Arrested. The fucker was arrested. Commercial supply. I wrote a character reference for court because I felt I had to. Pretty much lied. Is that a felony? Mum talks all the time, needing to vent. Tells me things I never knew about him. Showed text messages. Such a manipulative sociopath. I knew he was a narcissist, but this is next level shit. I’m trying not to think about. DOn’t know why I’m thinking about it now. I thought I’d processed my daddy issues years ago. But I made peace with that shit under the assumption that my father still loved me in his own way. Now I’m thinking, does he really love me at all? At all? Sorry for the verbal diarrhea. In real life, I try to keep my shit together. I’m the rock. But stuffs been starting to leak out, and I need to reign it in before people start noticing and acting concerned. I don’t want anyone to notice. I don’t want anyone to ask questions. You can’t take it back once everything it out there. But I still want to talk my crazy talk. So I come here. And now I feel a bit better. Rather this than cutting or burning myself. Tired of the scars. Regards.

#ignoreme #rant #nevermind #binge

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cerezsis · 5 years

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Isn’t That Lovely?

Human AU

Summary: Spinel thinks she and Piper Damon are best friends. Piper hangs out with her because she has to. The two are separated when Piper’s dream of owning her own branch of the family business comes true, but Spinel is sure their friendship can survive the distance. Unfortunately, their friendship isn’t the only thing she’ll watch go up in flames.

WARNING: This story depicts severe mental illness, and the death of loved ones. Tread cautiously if you are bothered by either of those subjects.

“Say hello to your new friend, Piper,” the white-haired woman said, her hands planted firmly on her daughter’s shoulders.

The ten-year-old looked her new “friend” up and down. Spinel, the three-year-old girl who was already bouncing in excitement, wore tight pigtails, pink shorts, and a white shirt with a juice stain on the collar. Piper gave her best friendly smile. She supposed she should be happy that she wouldn’t have to spend the day alone in the estate or stuck coloring in the corner of an office, but it didn’t stop the dread brewing in her stomach.

“Hello,” Piper greeted.

The toddler ran up and gave her a tight hug. Piper hugged back, trying hard not to think about how sticky the younger girl’s hands felt against the back of her shirt.

“I’m so excited to play with you!” Spinel said, eagerly.

“Well, I certainly won’t keep you two waiting,” Winona said, lifting her hands from Piper’s shoulders, “I’ll pick you up around dinner time, Starlight.”

Piper managed a grin at her mother. “Ok, mom.”

Piper followed Spinel and Mrs. Desjardins out of the office building. She buckled herself in next to Spinel’s car seat, and stared out the window as the younger girl sang along to the children’s music CD that automatically started playing when Mrs. Desjardins started the car. As her head rested against the warm glass, she wondered why her mother couldn’t have had any employees with kids her own age.

The drive to the Desjardins residence wasn’t long, and Piper had to admit the house was beautiful. The paneling was painted a lovely cream color, and beautiful vines of pink flowers surrounded the black shutters. The bushes underneath the windows also sported flowers, and looked to be freshly trimmed. It was clear that the family took pride in their home’s appearance.

“Come on!” Spinel said, happily grabbing onto Piper’s hand, “I’ll show you my playhouse!”

Piper could hear Spinel’s mother chuckle as the little girl led her to the backyard. Passed the ivy-draped wooden fence, the backyard was full of even more flowers than the front. In the center of the many flowerbeds sat a brightly painted wooden swing set with an attached playhouse. Still holding onto her new friend’s hand, Spinel brought Piper into the playhouse, the older girl having to crouch down to fit through the toddler-sized doorway.

“Ta-da!” Spinel said, finally releasing her sticky hand from Piper’s to raise her arms in presentation, “Welcome to my playhouse!”

Still unable to stand up straight, Piper managed a smile. There was barely even enough room for the two of them to be in there together. “So, what do you wanna do?”

Spinel tapped her finger on her chin, thinking through her options carefully. Her eyes widened with joy when the perfect game came to mind.

“Oh! Oh! Let’s play tag!” She tapped the older girl on the shoulder. “You’re it!”

Despite the cramped space, she managed to run out the door with ease, giggling in anticipation of the chase. Quietly wondering how long it was until dinner time, Piper put on her best game face and chased after Spinel.

The girls played in the yard until Mrs. Desjardins called them in for lunch. As she ate her tater tots, Piper hoped Spinel was tired enough to want to watch TV or play with dolls, but once their plates were cleared, she insisted on a game of hide and seek in the backyard. Putting on another smile, Piper agreed to Spinel’s games.

Mr. Desjardins came home from the office shortly after Mrs. Desjardins got started on dinner. He came with the message that Piper’s mother would be late picking her up, and that she was to have dinner with them. Piper wondered to herself why she expected anything different from her mother. The Desjardins were happy to set her a place at the dinner table, and she thanked them when they handed her a plate of spaghetti. While the grownups chatted, Piper quietly winced as Spinel made a mess of her spaghetti dinner, getting sauce all over her face and shirt. Twirling spaghetti around her fork, Piper wondered if her sisters were having takeout again.

By the time her mother came to collect her, it was almost nine o’clock. Winona gave the Desjardins an obligatory apology for being so late – something about backorders and a wrong color – but they assured her that it was fine, and Piper was a pleasure. As the adults took their time with their departure, Piper had her eyes locked on the door. Spinel, now dressed in her Micky Mouse pajamas, held tightly onto her hand, telling her that if she hid in her room, her mother wouldn’t be able to find her, and she wouldn’t have to go home. When Winona finally decided it was time to leave, Spinel threw herself onto the ground.

“I don’t want her to go!” she cried.

After a few minutes of Spinel crying for Piper to stay, the situation had to be resolved by Mr. Desjardins carrying Spinel up to her room. A final goodbye to Mrs. Desjardins, and Winona and Piper were finally in the car, driving back to the estate.

“Mrs. Desjardins told me about all the fun you had with Spinel today,” Winona said, her eyes on the road.

“Yeah…” Piper said, leaning tiredly against the car door, “She’s… nice.”

“Good, good,” Winona grinned, clearly not taking notice of her daughter’s apathetic tone, “I’ve arranged for you to play with her every weekday for the rest of the summer. Your sisters and I will take turns dropping you off and picking you up.”

Piper stopped listening, and sank back into her seat. She stared out the window, watching the streetlights zoom by. All she could think about was Spinel’s sticky hands.

It had been five years since Spinel and Piper’s first playdate. Autumn leaves danced in the window as Piper sat on the edge of the child-sized bed, venting about her latest fight with her mom and sisters. Spinel laid on her stomach, her head resting in her hands, and her legs kicking back and forth. The eight-year-old listened attentively to her cool, older friend, occasionally giving a nod in sympathy. Being so much younger, she couldn’t always relate to her problems, but she was still always there to listen. That’s what friends were for, after all.

This week’s fight was once again about Piper’s role in the family’s business. Piper was on her usual rant about how Yvonne and Beatrix had their own branches when they were her age, and how it wasn’t fair that all she had was a few jewelry lines.

“They treat me like a kid,” Piper complained, “How would they even know how responsible I am? I could handle running a business just fine. They never have any faith in me.”

Spinel nodded. “You’d be the best boss ever! I bet when you finally get your branch, it’ll be the best branch they’ve ever seen!”

Piper gave a half-smile. At least someone believed in her.

A light ding came from the other side of the room. Spinel perked up.

“Oh, the brownies are ready!” She got up and hurried to her Easy Bake Oven. “Here Piper, you can have the first one. Brownies make everything better.”

“Thanks Spinel,” Piper said, still giving her a reserved smile, “I love brownies.”

Spinel would never forget the look of excitement on Piper’s face when she gave her the news. At nineteen years old, she was finally getting her own branch of Damon’s Diamonds. Spinel couldn’t have been happier for her friend.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She could’ve been happier if she could follow her to Maine, where her first warehouse and manufacturing plant would be located, but, as her parents reminded her, seventh grade came first.

She wrote to Piper every day. Piper wrote back once every few months. It was ok. Running a business was a lot of work, especially when you have a group of anti-corporate protesters thwarting the process. Spinel would wait as long as it would take. She knew her best friend wouldn’t forget her.

The summer before tenth grade, Spinel woke up to find both her parents in the kitchen. She knew something was wrong before she even saw their pink, puffy eyes. Daddy was never home this late in the morning.

They broke the news to her as gently as possible. A fire had started in the on-site warehouse at Piper’s factory. It spread quickly to the main building, too quickly for Piper to escape her office. The fire took her life.

Spinel shook her head. It wasn’t true, it couldn’t be. Piper couldn’t be dead; she just couldn’t be!

She spent most of the day sitting on the couch, staring into space. News came in in bits and pieces. Dry foliage. Smoke bombs. Lacks fire regulations. Chemicals not stored properly. All came together to form a perfect storm of chaos.

At least a dozen people died in the blaze. Many more were injured. The number of casualties were still rising. Rose Quintin, the leader of the anti-corporate protesters, was thought to be responsible, but there wasn’t enough evidence for an arrest. Her current whereabouts were unknown.

It was hours before Spinel finally cried. Her best friend was gone, her life cut short in one of the worst ways possible. Piper was dead.

Piper was dead…

Nearly Halloween that same year, daddy’s test results came back. Stage four lung cancer. Daddy didn’t make it to Christmas.

A week after New Year’s, Spinel was called down to the principal’s office. A police officer was waiting for her. A car hit mommy as she was crossing the street. The car sped away. Mommy died in the ambulance.

Eleventh grade didn’t last long. Spinel got expelled for repeated aggressive behavior. Once kicked out of school, she no longer had a reason to leave the house. The mortgage had been paid off long ago. Inheritance and life insurance payouts were enough for her to survive indefinitely. Groceries were delivered to the house every Tuesday. The farthest she ever ventured was to the mailbox at the end of the driveway.

No one ever checked on her.

She hadn’t remembered her twenty-seventh birthday until nearly a week had passed. Time always seemed to escape her like that.

Today was what she considered a good day; the only thing she felt was hallow. It was a step up from anger or sadness, and way better than the crash that followed mania. Hallow was safe. Hallow was good.

Sitting on the old, rickety swing set, Spinel looked around the yard. The once beautiful landscape was now overrun weeds and overgrowth. Almost all the flowers were brown and shriveled. The ivy that mommy planted had completely taken over the fence and was creeping onto the graying exterior walls of the house.

Without even thinking, Spinel stood up and wandered back into the house. A fine layer of dust coated every surface, as if no one had lived there for years. Glancing at the overflowing sink of dirty dishes, she struggled to remember if she’d eaten today. She didn’t have much of an appetite. She’d have to force something down the next time she remembered.

Continuing through her untouched time capsule of a house, she let herself wander up the stairs. Her bedroom door had broken off during one of her fits a few years ago, now permanently propped up against the adjacent wall. The upstairs bathroom hadn’t been usable in five years. She found herself entering the master bedroom, formerly her parents’ room, and let herself fall onto the unmade bed. She wrapped herself in the old sheets and tried to fall asleep.

It was three in the afternoon.

Forty-three. She was forty-three years old. Had it not been for the date and time in the corner of the morning news program, she wouldn’t know what day it was. She didn’t usually watch this channel, but it had been airing a marathon of old cartoons two days ago. For some reason, the old back and white cartoons made her feel a sort of calm. She couldn’t be bothered to change the channel after it ended.

She wasn’t really paying attention to the TV anymore, just lying on the couch and looking out the window. The neighborhood children were making their way to the bus stop, occasionally stopping in front of her house to talk and pint. If it weren’t for the glow of the TV through the otherwise dark window, they probably would’ve thought the place was abandoned.

Something on the TV made Spinel perk up. A morning talk show she missed the name of was starting, and the host was welcoming on that day’s guests. It was the Damon family.

Spinel sat up straight, her eyes glued to the TV. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw all three of the Damon women together. Winona, Yvonne, and Beatrix sat in chairs on the opposite side of the host. Someone else sat with the three of them, someone Spinel didn’t recognize. A boy, maybe sixteen years old. The title card that appeared under him read “Steven Universe, teen activist.”

Even with that introduction, Spinel still had no idea who this kid was, or why he was with the Damon’s. She listened intently as Winona Damon began weaving a tale about all the changes Steven helped them make to the company, and how she’s confident that other corporations will follow their lead. It honestly sounded lovely, even if she didn’t know who this Steven kid was. He was obviously very passionate about the reform of corporate America.

“My grandson here is the most compassionate person you’ll ever meet,” the elderly Winona said, smiling proudly, “All of Damon’s Diamonds are so happy to have him-”

Spinel stopped listening, her head suddenly spinning with questions. Her grandson? Whose kid was he? Yvonne and Beatrix had always stated their intentions to remain child free, and Piper… Piper was…

That’s when it clicked. The curly hair, the dark eyes, the smile. It was hers. It was all hers. But, no, that was impossible! Piper died too young to have a sixteen-year-old son… Unless…

Spinel darted up from the couch and sprinted to the dining room, where decades worth of mail was piled onto the table. She rarely paid attention to what she brought in from the mailbox, just tossing it onto the table. Maybe she missed something. A letter, a postcard, any kind of message from Piper. She could still hear the TV as she meticulously went through every parcel.

“I don’t want to be put on a throne for doing the right thing,” Steven said in response to a question from the host, “The world doesn’t need billionaires. I couldn’t spend that much money in a lifetime.

“In fact, I’m not even going to be staying in New York for much longer. I’m heading back to Beach City tonight.”

All noise after that faded to static as Spinel continued through the mail. She spent hours, maybe even a full day going through everything. She found nothing, no secret message, nothing from Piper. Tears stung in Spinel’s eyes as she looked to all the mail scattered around her. Through the various newspapers and magazine headlines she came across in her search, she’d managed to piece together the story. Piper faked her death in the fire. Rose Quintin, the woman who supposedly killed her, never existed. Piper was Rose. Piper set fire to her own warehouse and factory, ran off with a few friends to Delaware, and started a new life under the name Rose Quintin. She died for real sixteen years ago, after giving birth to her son, Steven. Going off the dates printed, it looked like the story first broke two years ago, after Steven first found out the truth about his mother. Spinel fell to her knees, her fists clenching around whatever mail was in front of her. The one spark of hope she’d had in years was violently stomped out as the realization that Piper had no intention of letting her know she was alive consumed her.

Piper didn’t die in the fire. Piper lived an extra twelve years, and didn’t think to tell her best friend. Piper didn’t die in the fire. Piper didn’t die in the fire.

Her body shaking, heart pounding, and tears flowing, Spinel felt something snap inside her. The mail she had in her hands was shredded into confetti as she started to scream. Furniture was thrown as she screamed until her throat burned. Gears turned in her head, powered by the hot fires of rage. She wanted revenge, she needed revenge, but Piper was dead, for real this time. It didn’t matter. Someone was going to pay. Someone was going to feel as much pain as she felt.

She couldn’t quite remember what happened between throwing a chair through the TV screen and getting on a plane to Delaware, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care.

#su #steven universe #my writing #spinel #pink diamond #rose quartz #white diamond #steven quartz universe #yellow diamond #blue diamond #human au #the great diamond authority #steven universe the movie

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enragedbees · 5 years

Text

Does He Make You Happy?

Updates Saturdays 6pm EST!

Pairing: Logicality with an opportunity for side Prinxiety

Summary: Four years after their harsh breakup, Logan and Patton reunite and reflect on their past.

Warnings: dissociation, breakup (If I missed anything, please let me know!)

Words: 2540

Song rec: Dangerously by Charlie Puth (This is where I’ll suggest a song that may have influenced or inspired a scene or chapter. There’s no obligation here, but it’s available if you want it!)

A huge thanks to @prince-dark-and-stormy-night for letting me expand upon their oneshot and to @xionbean for being my beta reader!!

Taglist: @xxpeach-bobaxx @starwarsdestroyedme

Any feedback is appreciated! :)

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Chapter 1: There’s No Forgetting You

Logan had stopped feeling the seasons changing.

For months, he had wasted far too much time and effort on doing things that made him happy. Eventually, he realized that whatever he did had no impact on his emotions or general well-being, so there was no point in spending his already limited schedule reaching for fleeting moments of happiness. Logan’s emotions, while muted, still came and went based on his accomplishments and mindset. It was a simple cause and effect, and there was no point in messing with that system. In a way, it freed him. Without having to worry about scheduling social engagements or alone time, he could pour all his effort into his work.

It wasn’t that he left behind a part of himself in that apartment so long ago, he so often repeated over and over again, lying in bed throughout the night, eyes wide open. It wasn’t that he was broken and couldn’t mend the shattered pieces. He was still his own person.

It was just the product of a devastating loss he could never fully process.

After spending so much time with someone, Logan recognized that many of the things he repeatedly experienced were inextricably intertwined with his memories. That it was easier to block out the things that caused him pain than to remember them and feel his heart breaking all over again.

The petrichor after a spring shower was the first time they met. The color and smell of fallen autumn leaves were the same as the day when they found their perfect apartment. There were even some foods Logan could no longer eat without seeing through the eyes of his past self. So he trained himself to stop feeling. Every time he ran into something that triggered a memory soaked in melancholia, Logan pushed it out of his mind and focused on something else. Usually, it was work. Usually, it worked.

It took awhile, but eventually Logan stopped noticing the painful memories altogether, therefore no longer noticing things like the changing of seasons or the colors of the sky. The warm summer wind that brushed over him as he walked out of his local Starbucks might as well not have blown at all. The coffee in his hand was almost certainly made incorrectly. It didn’t matter.

Logan walked down the street toward his apartment. At 4 o’clock on the Sunday before the last week of school, downtown was flooded with high schoolers desperate for a glimpse of what their summer nights would be like in just a few short days. A few of Logan’s students from the past year waved at him from outside the frozen yogurt shop. He smiled and politely waved back, then reminded himself to finish grading the final exams from their class when he got home.

Logan lost himself in his thoughts, which wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. He wrote a mental list of everything he had to do by the end of the day and the week, and what to put in place before school ended so setting up for the beginning of next year went smoothly.

“Logan?”

The sudden awakening from his autopilot stroll home startled him. He turned towards where he had heard whoever wanted to get his attention, and his stomach flipped and his mouth opened.

A shorter man with chestnut hair stood in front of him. He wore the same black hipster glasses as Logan and a striped blue T-shirt. As Logan met his gaze, he saw the other’s eyes brighten and the corners of his mouth turn up.

And all at once, Logan’s barrier shattered, and all his feelings came flooding back.

~8 years earlier~

Logan usually loved the rain. It was always a calming presence, a quick way to wash off any doubts or anxieties. The sky greyed and the air went cold and sweet the morning of his first day at a new job in a brand new city and Logan thought it was a good sign.

He didn’t realize it would make navigating the already confusing city even more difficult.

Fresh out of college with a degree in elementary education, Logan wandered downtown with a less than helpful map on his phone, sipping a bland coffee for the caffeine. He thought that the community center he’d be tutoring a small class in was a short walk from his new apartment, but he was on the street it was supposed to be located and couldn’t see anything telling.

Logan sighed in exasperation. Staring at his phone, he wheeled around, and immediately slammed into another person walking out of the coffee shop. They both dropped their drinks and they splattered everywhere.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” Logan tried to help pick up the mess as the other also apologized profusely. The stranger shuffled some papers and filed them away in his bag as Logan picked up and wiped off his coffee-speckled glasses.

“Let me buy you another drink,” the two said in unison. They looked up at each other and laughed sheepishly.

“Or we could both just get ours again,” offered the other, eyes shining and smile effortless. Logan was suddenly very aware of the coffee all over his jacket and the dark circles inevitably underneath his eyes. He smiled back, his face flushing a little, and tried to mess with his hair.

“I promise I’m usually more aware of my surroundings,” Logan said, handing the stranger the last of his dampened papers. “I’m just having some trouble navigating this labyrinth of a city.”

The other laughed again, and Logan couldn’t help but catch the contagious positivity this man seemed to constantly carry. “Yeah, I’ve lived here my whole life, and if you don’t know already know how to get around you’re basically screwed. If you need some help, I can point you in the right direction.”

Logan didn’t like to ask for help. But he wanted to spend even a little more time with the stranger. He also really had no idea what he was doing, and knew that he’d never get to where he needed to be without some assistance.

“Actually, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.”

“No problem!” He stuck his hand out. “I’m Patton, by the way.”

Logan shook Patton’s hand. “Logan Schlenke.”

“So, Logan, where are you headed?” Patton asked as they both walked back into the coffee shop and got in line.

Logan looked down at his phone. “I’m trying to get to the Brighton Community Center on 3rd Street. I’ve been up and down this street, but the buildings start at 400 and the center is supposed to be 56.”

Patton nodded in understanding. “Yeah, it’s on the other 3rd Street.”

Logan raised an eyebrow.

“The courthouse splits the street in two, but instead of renaming the pieces into East 3rd and West 3rd, they kept two separate roads with the same name,” explained Patton.

“That seems unnecessarily complicated. Wouldn’t it have saved time and effort to rename the streets?”

“You would think.” Patton picked up his coffee. “Anyway, you’re just on the wrong 3rd.”

“I’m supposed to tutor a class there in half an hour! How far away is it?” Logan’s mind started churning, trying to come up with adjustments to the plan he had carefully crafted for the day.

“No worries, it’s about a 15 minute walk from here. I’m actually headed that way myself, I can walk you there if you’d like,” Patton said, holding the door open.

Logan’s heart skipped a beat. “I would appreciate that. Knowing myself, I’d just get lost again.”

Patton chuckled. “You can’t miss it. It’s a straight shot from here.”

“That’s never really been my strong suit, either.”

Patton laughed again, really laughed. Head back, eyes closed, and Logan flushed with pride, knowing that Patton’s laughter was because of him. They talked easily the whole walk, and when Logan reached his destination, they exchanged numbers.

“Just in case you have any more navigation troubles,” Patton explained.

They both knew it wouldn’t be used just for navigation help.

After that, they were inseparable. Nobody really expected it to last long, least of all the two of them. From the outside, it was an interim relationship; someone to vent to after a long day, to bring as dates to other people’s weddings. But as one year passed, then two, they continued strong.

Logan’s friends would say that he was happiest when Patton was around. Friends of Patton would say Logan brought the best out of him. Even though they seemed to be complete opposites, they fit together naturally and comfortably.

Logan had wondered many times over if the situation would have changed had they taken their bond more seriously when they first met. If they hadn’t dismissed their differences as opposites attracting, if they had taken action to resolve the conflictions early on or if they had decided to part ways earlier, if they made sure they wanted the same things out of their futures. If.

If only.

Logan would talk about the different apartments, homes, condos he could inhabit in big cities across the country, and Patton never even thought to mention wanting to stay put and live close to his family. Patton would mention how he’d raise his future kids and Logan only thought about how much easier it would be for him when he didn’t have to deal with taking care of children.

But when they realized they couldn’t fit into each other’s envisioned futures, it was too late. They were both too far gone.

Logan tried to ignore it. Still, there was this constant nagging voice in the back of his head, telling him that the longer he put off dealing with their problems, the harder it would hit when they inevitably came to it.

It wasn’t until Logan saw it start to affect Patton that he knew he had to get out. He couldn’t stand seeing Patton so unhappy. Logan knew what Patton wanted, and he would never take away an opportunity for him to have it. And since Logan wasn’t willing to give up what he wanted, he knew the only way to give them both a chance at happiness was to remove himself from the equation.

So, when Patton was out of the apartment for the day, Logan took out two suitcases and started packing. He wrote a note explaining everything to Patton and left it in the kitchen. He decided to leave quickly, quietly, and cleanly. Rip off the Band-Aid. It was the option that would hurt the least.

Or it would have been, had Patton not come home early.

Logan stacked his immaculately folded clothes into his suitcase. His heart was pounding, but he forced himself to focus on the task at hand. He hadn’t heard the front door open, so he jumped when Patton burst into the room, holding the note from the kitchen.

A beat passed as they locked eyes. Logan stared at him like a deer in headlights, trying not to shrivel up at the worry, betrayal, and unfallen tears in his gaze.

Patton was the first to break the silence. “You’re leaving and you’re telling me with a note? You’re not even going to break up with me in person?”

Logan tore himself away from Patton’s stare and gathered up the last of his clothes. “It was the easiest way to do this.”

“It’s not the easy way, it’s the cowardly way! Logan, why are you leaving?!”

Logan bit his lip as tears welled in his eyes. He couldn’t break now, because if he broke in front of Patton he’d convince him to stay.

And Logan wouldn’t do that to Patton.

“This isn’t going to work. We’ve ignored our differences for too long. We never should have let it go this far.” Logan tried not to be too harsh, but if Patton hated him a little bit afterwards, maybe he wouldn’t miss Logan so much.

“What do you mean it isn’t going to work?” Patton asked, his first tear falling. “We’ve made it work for four years!”

“And we can’t go much longer!” Logan put his head back. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid. “We want different things. We can’t keep pretending like we’ll stay happy forever when we don’t envision the same future.”

Patton now had his arms wrapped around himself, tears streaming down his face. “Logan, please –“

“You want a big wedding, this huge celebration with all your friends and family, and I want a small, intimate ceremony! You want a house full of pets, and I only think I could handle a cat, but you’re allergic! You want to stay here so you can be close to your family and I want to travel and experience living in different places! You need someone who works a nine to five and has weekends off and I need someone who understands I can’t control my hours! You want kids and that terrifies me!”

“We don’t need to have any of that! I’ll change, if that’s what you want. Is that what it’ll take to get you to stay?!”

“No!” Logan finally turned to look at Patton. “I don’t want to change you! I want you to find someone who’ll give you what you want! I want you to have a life where you have what makes you happy, and I can’t give that to you. I’d never forgive myself if I took that possibility away from you!”

Patton shook his head incredulously. “Logan, you make me happy! Why won’t you believe that I would give up all that to be with you?”

Logan picked up both his suitcases and walked out of the bedroom. “I won’t make you happy if you give up what you want for me. I promise, this is for the best.”

Patton stood in his way, the complexion so often smiling being morphed by his heartache. “Why do you get to decide what’s best for me?! Logan, please, don’t go!”

Logan pushed past Patton as the tears he had been holding back finally fell. He stopped at the doorway.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out. Patton said nothing, and as the door shut behind Logan, he sobbed, sinking to his knees.

As soon as Logan left the apartment, he completely fell apart. He walked through the lobby of his apartment building, tears blurring his vision and coating his cheeks. Drenched inside and out from the sorrow and the rain outside, he threw his bags into the trunk of his car and collapsed on the steering wheel, shaking and sobbing and hurting, hurting so completely and throughout his entire body. Logan could literally feel every part of him aching with the pain.

He let himself grieve for a few minutes. He then forced himself to breathe and calm down. When he felt stable enough to drive, he put his key into the ignition and started the car.

Logan thought about all the times he had left this building early in the morning, leaving breakfast on the table and a kiss on a sleeping Patton’s forehead. He forced the memory out of his mind and kept driving until he could no longer see the past he was leaving behind.

#ts #thomas sanders #sanders sides #logicality #logicality fic #prinxiety #patton #logan #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #my writing #dhmyh #does he make you happy

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theanonauthorfanfic · 5 years

Text

All is Fair in Love and War

Summary: Bucky was a successful photographer and Steve was an anxiety ridden starving artist that has given up.

Warning: Depression, anxiety, toxic relationship, smut (18+ only) upcoming chapters.

Bucky Barnes was a successful photographer that was being used for magazines all over the world. He had built his business from the ground up. When he wasn’t in work mode, he was with the most amazing guy that made him super happy.

Steve Rogers was a starving artist. He had a passion for drawing but that always fell through. He was attempting to write some novels and then he hit a hard writers block. He found that he could only write if he wrote with other people. Steve started to role play with others online using characters he created. When he wasn’t role playing, he was with the best guy that made him smile.

Bucky had come home after a difficult shoot. He wanted to vent about how much divas the models were and wanted Steve to be on his side. “Honey, I’m home,” Bucky chimed.

“Hey babe, how was work,” Steve asked.

“Ugh, the model was like little blood sucking dragons today. It was so messed up no matter what I did I couldn’t make anyone happy today,” Bucky slowly started to get undressed.

“Babe, I am sure it wasn’t that bad. You always complain about how much your job sucks but you love having your own business,” Steve reprimanded.

Bucky was shocked that Steve would speak to him like this. “I had a fucking bad day. I needed to vent is it so bad that I wanted to vent to my hubby,” Bucky angrily responded.

Steve got quiet and just sat there. Bucky knew he wasn’t going to get a response. Bucky ended up grabbing his laptop and book he was reading and curled up on the couch while Steve watched some show about survival. Bucky was getting bored of the same bullshit show after bullshit show. He felt like he wasn’t allowed to watch anything he wanted to anymore unless Steve wasn’t engaged in watching TV at all.

Bucky plugged his headphones into his computer and put on music as he started to edit photos from when he was just walking the city a few weeks back. He was so focused on what he was doing he didn’t notice Steve trying to get his attention.

Steve started to talk with Bucky and Bucky wasn’t responding. Steve thought maybe that is what I get for getting quiet on him. Steve didn’t even bother to look to see if Bucky had his headphones on. Steve flipped Bucky off.

“What was that for,” Bucky asked as he slid off his headphones.

“You weren’t listening to me or paying attention to me,” Steve chided. Bucky rolled his eyes.

“What did you do today Stevie,” Bucky mentioned.

Steve launched into a tirade about some bullshit that was roleplay related. “Well I was talking with Sharon. We ended up fighting and I cried for a while. We still have some unresolved issues,” Steve explained.

“Yeah, I get that. Miss communication sucks,” Bucky motioned through the conversation. Bucky had to act interested otherwise Steve would get mad. Bucky felt like he was a child and Steve was the parent.

There was a knock at the door as a package arrived. Bucky went to go get it. He smiled when he saw it because he knew it was the collectable from his favorite movie growing up as a kid.

“What the hell did you buy now Buck,” Steve scolded.

“Just a collectable that I can’t find anywhere for The Wizard of Oz,” Bucky was proud of his find.

“You always buy stupid shit. We have too much shit as it is. I feel like everyday you have a package being delivered and you don’t ask me about it,” Steve was getting angrier.

“Why should I consult you. Its my money I work hard for. Its not like you bring in anything. You haven’t had an income for 5 years. You stopped going to school. You never looked for a job. You buy stupid virtual shit for your games on your computer or phone but I buy what I want with my money and I get yelled at,” Bucky reacted. Steve stared at him in shock.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You know I am super insecure. I get sick super easy and am in pain all the time. I thought you supported me,” Steve stunned responded.

Bucky was furious. “Let’s talk about the real elephant in the room. I want to have a child and you don’t. You don’t want to be a parent. You don’t want to expand our family. Fuck, Steve we haven’t had sex in 5 years. I have to masturbate if I want to get off. Do you even love me anymore,” Bucky asked bluntly? He was sick of skirting the issues they never addressed anymore. They had stopped communicating. Bucky ended up throwing himself into work and Steve threw himself into roleplaying.

Steve whispered, “Buck, I am sorry I don’t want what you want. I want you to have that but you need to still be in my life. What if we opened up our marriage and you were able to date women to be able to have a girlfriend that would have a kid with you and raise it with you. I don’t want to be known as its parent Buck. I still love you.”

Bucky broke down and cried. He sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. It felt like Steve was breaking up with him. Bucky curled up in their bed and just continued to wallow in what felt like Steve and his relationship ending. Bucky cried himself to sleep.

Steve came into the bedroom after hours of being online and roleplaying it was 4am. Bucky was sprawled on the bed. Steve huffed because he had very little room on the bed. Bucky was curled up with a wolf stuffed animal. Bucky had looked like he had been through hell. Steve climbed into bed and tried to get comfortable. He ended up pushing at Bucky until Bucky turned and gave him some room on the bed. Bucky had turned away from Steve and whimpered like he was still crying. Steve felt like he didn’t know Bucky anymore. Bucky wanted kids and a family while Steve didn’t. Steve was someone who enjoyed kids when they weren’t his own. Steve never pictured himself as a parent. He knew Bucky wanted a family and the pitter patter of little feet running throughout their house but Steve didn’t after Bucky’s accident. Steve turned away from Bucky and tried to sleep.

Bucky stretched and blinked awake. He felt like he had been hit by a truck and then remembered the conversation with Steve from the night before. He immediately fell into the dark rut. He saw himself having a life with Steve and raising a family together. After that last argument Bucky only saw himself raising a child by himself and Steve isn’t in the picture. Bucky choked off a sob. Bucky looked around for Steve and he was no where to be found. Bucky closed his eyes and sighed. He was thinking how he had wasted the last 5 years of his life. Maybe when Steve tried to break up with him 5 years ago, he should have just accepted and moved on. Bucky slowly got out of bed and shrugged on sweats. He wasn’t going to work today at all. Bucky had a headache from all the crying.

Bucky had a blanket wrapped around him as he made his way to the living room. Bucky shuffled though each moment. He didn’t know how to talk to Steve without crying or wanting to hit him. Bucky sank down on the couch and cocooned himself. He flipped on the tv and turned on some show the was mindless. Bucky wasn’t really paying attention to it. He was just staring at the tv.

Steve had wondered out from the office he created so he can roleplay in silence. Steve saw Bucky just sitting there looking like a shell of a person. “Good Morning Buck,” Steve said softly.

Bucky responded on autopilot, “Good Morning Stevie.” Steve wasn’t thrilled to see Buck so broken.

“Buck are you okay,” Steve asked.

Bucky blinked, “I am fucking fantastic Stevie.”

Steve heard the sarcasm in Bucky’s voice. “You don’t have to be rude,” Steve responded coldly.

Bucky wrapped the blanket around himself tighter and hung his head. Bucky got quiet and turned the volume on the tv up. Steve got angry and shut down. Steve clenched his jaw and clenched his fists. This had become normal for them over the last few years. Bucky wasn’t confident in himself anymore. Every time his confidence started to come back Steve cut him down. They kicked each other down without meaning too.

Bucky couldn’t take the tension anymore and shut off the tv and got up. Steve was still angry and lashed out verbally.

“Where do you think you are going,” Steve yelled.

Bucky sniffled, “I am going to the bedroom to help me get back into the right frame of mind.”

“Well, I am going out,” Steve grabbed the keys and stormed out of the house.

Bucky collapsed back on the couch crying. He didn’t want to fight with Steve. He wanted to go back to what they had when they first got together. Bucky grabbed a pen and some paper to write out his feelings. He was bawling and could barely see as he poured his heart out onto the paper. He wanted Steve to know how he felt and what he was going through mentally. Bucky wanted to raise a family and he wanted to convince Steve that he needed it. He hoped Steve would be okay with it and allow him to have at least one child. Bucky wanted to have the child be biologically his so he would need to use a surrogate. Bucky felt so raw and exhausted as the hours passed. He had been writing for 2 hours and Steve still wasn’t back yet. Bucky felt so tired. He picked himself off the couch after leaving the letter to Steve on the counter. Bucky needed to sleep. Bucky didn’t both getting changed. He laid down in bed and fell into a deep sleep.

Tags: @buckmesideways22 @oleanderbat , @buckyzgurl , @scarletsoldierrr , @kombatfather1796

#Bucky Barnes #steve and bucky #bucky barnes x steve rogers #au steve rogers #au bucky barnes #theanonauthorfanfic #Steve Rogers #bucky x steve #bucky and steve smut #bucky barnes smut #steve rogers smut #Chris Evans #chris evans smut #Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan smut #photographer bucky #PRE-SERUM STEVE

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chocobro-chick · 6 years

Text

Lazy Days: Ignis ScientiaxReader

I finally did it! I wrote one whole reader-insert fanfiction! First one ever!

This is incredibly self-indulgent. Fight me

Why? Just why? Why today of all days did you have to be overcome by this feeling of tiredness. You had plans for today, damn it! It was a rare day off for you, and days off were something that you cherished since your job at the Citadel took up most hours of the day and nearly all days of the week. Sometimes your work even followed you home in the form of paperwork that still needed to be done and notes that needed to be reviewed by the next day. You were so excited the day prior for this, making a list of the things you planned to accomplish with your free time. It’s the previous excitement and planning that made your sudden situation seem so unfair.

Here you were, awake since your partner Ignis left for work in the early hours of the morning and feeling entirely unmotivated to do anything except lie in bed. It’s been hours since Ignis gave you a sleepy kiss good morning and an Ebony flavored kiss goodbye, and yet still you lie in bed, drifting between sleep and blearily looking at your phone for any updates from your Iggy or checking your social media feeds. Anything to keep your mind off the fact that you were being lazy and entirely frustrated that you couldn’t find the mental means to change that.

A deep sigh escapes you. How could this happen? You had so many things you wanted to do today! You were going to clean up around your living space, take a trip down to the small local bookstore to browse their selection and to say hi to the cats that watch over the shelves, take a walk in the park nearby since you’d seen that the weather was supposed to be beautiful today, visit one of your friends that works at a cafe a few blocks from your apartment building. Most importantly, you were going to go grocery shopping in preparation for dinner tonight. You had wanted to semi-surprise Ignis when he got home with a meal already prepared since you knew that he had been working overtime for the past few weeks or so. You weren’t a stranger in the kitchen, and you’ve made meals for the two of you before, but it doesn’t happen very often with Ignis being the true master of the kitchen. Still, you wanted to do something to make his day easier, so you thought a nice, simple dinner would help ease the burden of his day when he got back.

Tears of frustration began to fill your eyes, but all you felt you could do was hold the pillow that Ignis slept on close to your body in an attempt to calm yourself down. Ignis’s lingering scent did help ease some of the bubbling emotions inside of you, but nothing could compare to having the man there himself to ease you through your frustrated state. You grab your phone and text Ignis, relaying your frustrations to him for what seemed like the third time that day.

I just don’t understand! It’s like there’s a heaviness all around me and I can’t do anything about it! It should be so easy to just get out of bed and do things, but I just can’t!

The tears were starting to fall from your eyes now, and you quickly rub at them with your hands to clear your vision. Texting Ignis about your predicament helped a little bit, even if just to get some of your emotions off of your chest. Of course, you had already relayed these feelings to Ignis earlier in the day when you realized just what was happening, but you just needed some sort of outlet to vent those returning feelings. The two of you had a pretty good system going, with the both of you sharing any negative feelings before they were bottled up and became too much to handle. There was an incident early on in your relationship where that happened, and the two of you promised each other to never let that kind of negative build up happen again.

*ping*

Ignis was quick to send a reply and you let out a small breath of a laugh. Despite how much he worked and how dedicated he was to the Crown, he was never too far away from his phone when the two of you were conversing. It brought some warmth into your heart, knowing that he would take whatever time out of his day just to send you a response.

There are just some days where we simply can’t.

I know you’ve been working hard and have exhausted yourself these past few days.

Please, don’t feel bad about your current state, just relax. And do make sure you eat something as well, my dear.

Another sigh escapes you after reading his words. You and Ignis were, unfortunately, familiar with these kinds of days. Days when a heavy exhaustion would hit you like a truck and render you immobile in the bed, but those days were few and far between, and when they did happen Ignis was usually around to at least motivate you to move from the bedroom to the living room so that you could eat some food and the two of you would sit together on the couch and watch empty shows on television. You two never really paid attention to what was on the television, rather you were both too absorbed by being in each others presence on such a sluggish day, merely enjoying each others company. Or if it was a work day Ignis would give you some tough love and get you out the door so that neither of you would be late.

But Ignis wasn’t here right now, and while texting back and forth with him throughout your time in bed made it a little more bearable, all you really wanted was for your partner to be here with you physically. You miss the soothing sound of his voice, how he would gently encourage you to at least sit up in the bed, how he would hush your voice and sooth your thoughts when they turned too self-deprecating about your position, how he would hold you in his arms and give you whispered reminders of how much he loves and cherishes you.

You look to your phone once again to send another message. Your body is feeling heavier and it’s getting harder to keep your eyes open, but still, you want to send this text to the unbelievably kind man that you were somehow lucky enough to call your love. At first, the message seemed almost childish to send, but it held the truth for how you felt, and would eventually lead to a very welcomed surprise.

I wish you were here, Iggy.

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Ignis was, to put it bluntly, having one hell of a day. Granted, the day started out pleasantly enough, waking up next to his beloved in the early hours of the morning, listening to their sleepy grunts and groans as he kissed them good morning and went about getting prepared for the day. Today was your day off, and Ignis was relieved that you had one given how much stress you’d been under the past few days. That relief quickly gave way to worry, however, when he received a text from you around 11 that morning.

It was going to be one of those days for you again. The days where it seemed the weight of the world was on your shoulders and you were loathed to do anything about it. The days where you would grow angry at yourself for not being able to pull yourself out of bed without his intervention. He knew it was killing you inside not being able to do the things you had plan on today. You had excitedly told him yesterday all that you wanted to accomplish with your free time today, even not so subtly hinting at preparing dinner for the two of you so that he could relax once he got home. He gave a brief smile at the thought because while you simply couldn’t match his own skills in the kitchen, he found your cooking to be delicious and it was nice having a meal prepared for him every once in a while.

Ignis tried to shake himself out of his thoughts. He was currently with Noctis in an empty room in the Citadel, trying to go over the notes for the upcoming political meeting. It was an important one, talks of new taxes, royal gatherings, and the war with Niflheim all on the docket to be discussed. Ignis knew of the importance of this meeting but was having a difficult time trying to get Noctis in the same headspace. “Why do I even have to be there? It’s gonna be my dad who makes the final decision anyways,” the young Prince complained, his voice nearly coming out as a whine. “You need to be there because you’re the Prince, Noct. Which means that you’ll one day be King and then you’ll be the one making these decisions. So, it’s important for you to get experience now so that you’ll be better prepared for the future.” Ignis received a soft glare from Noctis. “I hate it when you’re right.”

Ignis took a brief moment to bask in victory until the vibrating hum of his phone interrupted the quietness that had filled the room after the Prince’s final comment. Momentarily distracted, Ignis took out his phone to see yet another update about your situation, and it wasn’t good. His heart dropped when he read your words, your language showcasing just how lowly you felt, laying in bed at home with nothing compelling you to leave the false haven of the bedroom. Ignis typed out a hasty reply, trying to convey through text that you had nothing to be ashamed of and that he loves you no matter what. He put his phone away with a sigh and wished for nothing more than to be home with you, either helping you throughout the rest of the day, or even more tempting, to join you in bed and simply cuddle and sleep the day away. It wasn’t often that Ignis felt the need to simply lie down and do nothing, he was often too busy to even consider the idea, but with the mounting pressure of this upcoming meeting and you being at home in bed Ignis could feel a small part of his no-nonsense resolve crumble.

Noctis took note of Ignis’s sudden change in demeanor and the gears in his head began to turn. He didn’t know about your situation at home, but he could guess something was happening based on how Ignis looked when he responded to the text. He looked tired and worried, like he’d rather be anywhere else besides sitting here going over relentlessly boring notes and procedures for this meeting. Noctis knew that Ignis was nearly running himself ragged in preparation for the upcoming meeting, something that he was grateful for since he himself didn’t put much effort beforehand to prepare. A feeling of guilt slowly began to take over the Prince. He loved Ignis like a brother and hated that he sometimes felt that he was taking advantage of his Advisor. Well, there’s no use in feeling bad about a situation when you know that you can do something to make it right, and Noctis was prepared to do just that, even if it meant being responsible for himself for the rest of the day.

“Hey Ignis? Why don’t you take the rest of the day off.” Noctis could see the way Ignis flinched when he spoke, like he was startled out of some deep thought. “I’m terribly sorry, Noct. I didn’t mean to appear out of sorts. However, we do really need to continue going over these notes so that you’ll be better prepared for-” “And I think I can handle that on my own for now. Seriously Igs, you’ve been fretting over your phone for a while now. Obviously whatever it is, it’s important. Astrals know that the sky could fall and you’d still be here working.” That last line was said with a tone of amusement, but it also held an underlying truth. Noctis stood up and walked over to where Ignis sat, took the meticulously prepared notes from his person and stared Ignis down. “You always do so much for me, Specs. Even when I don’t deserve it. Let me do this for you, please?”

Ignis was at a personal stalemate. On the one hand, he was devoted to the Crown and the service of the Prince, it’s what he’s been raised to do. The majority of his life has been spent taking care of Noctis and trying to prepare him to one day be King, and it wasn’t a job he took lightly. He and Noctis grew up alongside each other like brothers, and the friendship they forged only served to further encourage Ignis to be the Advisor that Noctis needed. He would do anything for the young Prince, as was his duty and his wish. On the other hand, you were at home and very clearly not in a good mental place. Ignis wanted nothing more than to rush home and see to it that you were taken care of, wanted to see your eyes light up when you saw him home, wanted to see your smile when he would greet you with a hurried retelling of his day before completely devoting his time to you. Ignis was a caregiver through and through, and the fact that he wasn’t in your physical presence to help ease your mind was eating away at him.

The hesitation was clear on Ignis’s face, but his phone buzzed once again and as Ignis read the message on the screen it morphed into resolve. “Just to be clear, you are to go over these notes almost ad nauseam. Now is not the time to fall back to your *ahem* study habits of school, Noct.” Ignis stood from his seat and began to gather his belongings, now sans notes, and fixed Noctis with a pointed stare. “Be forewarned, Noct. I might just have a pop-quiz ready for you tomorrow morning” Ignis gave a small smirk.“Just get out of here, Specs!” Noctis laughed as Ignis made his way out of the room. As he walked down the halls of the Citadel towards the parking deck his pace increased gradually, your last text message running through his mind, making him determined to get back home to you as soon as possible. He soon reached the car and as he got in he hastily sent you a text, hoping that you would be awake to read it.

I’ll be there soon, my darling.

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Ignis was uncharacteristically careless while driving home, needing to be with you as soon as possible. He didn’t break any severe laws, he wasn’t that crazed, but he did drive over the speed limit just a tad and had taken a few turns just a bit too hard, earning the ire of the other drivers and some pedestrians. Every little delay caused him some level of irritation, the only thought in his mind being you waiting for him at home while he was stopped an yet another traffic light. “Of all the days to hit every red light in the city.” His fingers tapped on the steering wheel in aggravation. He was so close to being home, so close to being with you that he was almost vibrating with energy in his seat. The light finally turned and Ignis stepped on the gas hard, and in the back of his mind he knew that he was overreacting to his need to be home with you, but he also didn’t give a damn at the moment. He soon arrived at the apartment building’s parking deck, and as he pulled into a space Ignis thought to maybe neglect any mention of his reckless driving when he saw you, though he knew that you knew him well enough to tell when he was hiding a mischievous secret. Oh well, you’ll probably get a laugh out of it.

Ignis quickly grabbed his work belonging from the car and hastily made his way into the apartment building, rushing through the halls to reach his goal, not even stopping to give brief greetings to those he passed. Once he finally made it, he quickly but quietly opens the door to your shared home. Ignis, after not receiving a text from you in response to his message earlier, made a guess that you had fallen back asleep sometime earlier and didn’t want to risk disturbing you, so he entered the apartment quietly. He toed off his shoes at the entrance and made his way to the bedroom, putting down his work items on the couch in the living room. He carefully opens the door, not wanting to disturb you if he was correct in guessing that you were asleep. The curtains were drawn and all the lights were off, but once his eyes adjusted to the dim room and spied your disheveled sleeping form in the bed, it was like the air in his lungs had been stolen from him.

You were somehow simultaneously sprawled out on the bed and curled in on yourself at the same time, your legs splayed out while your arms clutched at Ignis’s pillow with your face buried into it, like you were trying to become one with it. Your form was half wrapped in the covers and half exposed to the air of the room. Ignis was caught in the moment, staring at the sight before him with tired eyes that held a deep affection. He inhaled deeply, the exhaustion he’s been refusing to acknowledge finally settling in his bones, and let out a long sigh. His work routine was punishing these past few weeks, sometimes keeping him away from home for days at a time with the intense preparations for the upcoming political meeting that he couldn’t even recall what it was about in this moment. Ignis was tired, and right now he could think of nothing better to do than to join you in bed and sleep the day away.

As quietly as he could, Ignis stripped down to nothing but his briefs, not feeling like putting forth the extra effort to put on his pajamas. He doesn’t even take the time to properly put away his clothes, he just leaves them on the floor, joining your discarded garments from the night before. As he sized up your form in the bed he tried to make a plan of attack. You had situated yourself in the middle of the bed in your attempt to find a comfortable sleeping position when you had given up the fight to stay awake earlier. You were facing towards Ignis’s preferred side of the bed while holding his pillow, so Ignis decided to try and climb in behind you, mindful of your legs that stretch out across the bed. He pulled back the covers slowly, trying not to disturb you as he began to settle in the bed, removing his glasses and placing them on the nightstand along with his phone before laying down on his side facing your back.

As gently as he could, Ignis began to cuddle up against your form. His legs intertwining with yours the best he could manage, wrapping his arms around your torso and nestling his nose against the back of your neck, breathing in your scent. It felt so good to be back with you, even if you weren’t awake for this moment. Ignis relished in the closeness of your body, your warmth and your solid form grounding him from the floating feeling of exhaustion from earlier. He took in a deep breath and let out another long sigh, finally feeling fully relaxed from the stress of his life at the Citadel. Ignis’s eyes were closing, ready to slip into the comfortable embrace of sleep when he felt you begin to stir against him.

Something was pulling you back into the realm of consciousness, and at the moment you couldn’t pinpoint just what it was. A sleepy groan escapes your mouth as your eyes flutter open. You shift your body in an attempt to get comfy again so that you can get back to sleep, but you stop suddenly when you finally gain enough awareness to feel the other set of legs against your own and the arms wrapped around your torso. You startle a bit, and in jerking motions begin to turn yourself around, your body still heavy from sleep and caged within another’s limbs. When your sleepy eyes adjust to being open and in dim lighting, you can just barely make out the form who had taken residence in the space next to you. “Ignis?” A soft chuckle greets you from the darkness as Ignis readjusts himself to pull you back closer to him. “You are correct, my dear. How was your sleep?” Your mind was slow in catching up to the situation. Ignis was at work today. You were at home, spending the day in bed and being an absolute lump. You had fallen asleep. You were awake, and Ignis was home. You fell asleep, woke up, and Ignis……

“Shit! How long was I asleep?” You lurch into an upright position in the bed, your lungs tightening with panic and your heart feels like it’s dropped right out of your body. How? It was just past 2:30pm when you sent that last text to Ignis. Did you really sleep for the entire day? Ignis had been coming back home late with his workload keeping him at the Citadel for extended hours, so the fact that he was here with you now in bed seemed to confirm your suspicions. You were mortified. “Shhhh shhhhhh, it’s alright. It’s only a little past three in the afternoon, love. You’re fine. I’m here.” Ignis had sat up with you and was attempting to soothe you from your sudden upset. Ignis’s whispered reassurances were calming you down, but only a little. Reaching out for your phone to check the time to confirm what Ignis was telling you. When you did this you saw his last text pop up on the main screen.

You had missed the text while you were sleeping, but reading it now made you misty-eyed, but also confused. You turn back to Ignis, confusion evident on your face. “Ignis? What are you doing home so early? Not that I’m not happy to see you, but you never come home early.” Ignis brought his hands up to cradle your face, bringing you in for a brief kiss before resting his forehead against yours and staring into your eyes. Gods, you could lose yourself in those beautiful green eyes for hours. “It seems that our dear Prince decided to take pity on me today. I thought that I was being careful, but Noct took notice of my frequent phone checks today and decided that it would be best that I take an early leave.” You breathe out a laugh and begin to pepper Ignis’s face with kisses. “How very kind of the Prince. I’ll have to write him a nice letter thanking him for sending you home on this rotten day.” You start to pull away in an effort to get out of bed, your consciousness nagging at you to do something now that your Iggy was home, but Ignis was having none of it. Wrapping his arms around you once more he pulls the two of you back down onto the bed.

“Ignis! What are you doing?” He only pulled you closer, feeling the need to be completely in your space, to have you as close to him as possible. Normally he would help you go about your day, even if it was just to get dressed and move to relax on the couch instead of in the bed. Right now, however, the only thing he wanted to do was remain in bed with you in his arms. “I’ve decided that today will just have to be a lazy day for the both of us, darling. These kinds of days are best when shared with someone you love, wouldn’t you agree?” You gave a small nod in agreement. You were incredibly thankful that Ignis was here with you and began to settle down in his arms, your head resting on his chest when you remembered. “....But what about dinner?” Dinner that you were supposed to make for the two of you so that Ignis didn’t have to work more after he got home. Your frustration was building itself back up quickly, but Ignis’s next words stamped them down completely. “Guess we’ll just have to order takeout, then.” You move your head to look Ignis in the eyes, almost not believing what you were hearing. Takeout was a rare treat for the two of you. Nothing could compare to the home cooking that you and Ignis created on a day to day basis, but there was just something special about having food delivered to you, no extra work needed. All you could do was laugh when Ignis gave a confirming smile and snuggled back into his arms, unbelievably happy that this was the man that loved you.

Ignis reached back and grabbed his phone to set an alarm so that he could wake up in time to order the food so that it would be delivered in time for dinner. After the alarm was set he turned his attention fully to you, who was already falling back to sleep. Your head would jerk up every now and then in your effort to stay awake, but he knew you were fighting a losing battle. Ignis kissed the top of your head and shifted you so that you could fit your head under his chin, effectively tucking you into his embrace. “Go back to sleep, love. I’m right here.” His own eyes were beginning to feel heavy and he didn’t fight back the sleep, simply closing his eyes with a contented sigh and shifting against you. “I love you, more than anything.” His whispered confession reached your tired ears, and with a mumbled reply of love back, the two of you fell asleep embraced in each other's arms.

#ffxv #final fantasy xv #ignis scientia #ignis scientia x reader #reader insert #chocobro writes #oh god #ffxv reader insert #ffxv fic

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mara-twins · 6 years

Text

3 Years - Part One

Author: @weird-sensation

3 years. You have known these 7 wonderful guys for 3 whole years. To be quite honest, it didn’t even feel like that long. You used to be a waitress at a restaurant downtown, and it was actually your last week there, when they all had piled in. The hostess sat them in your section, and told you it was a group of 7. You rolled your eyes, not really caring for groups larger than 4. They tend to be louder and not tip very well. Pulling the strings on your apron a bit tighter, you walked over to their table and low and behold, there they were. On the outside you were calm and collected (you were still at work, so you had to be professional), but on the inside, holy cookies and cream ice cream you were a wreck. This was your first encounter with someone famous, and it wasn’t just one, IT WAS ALL SEVEN OF THEM AT YOUR TABLE. Long story short, you got along nicely with them. Anytime you walked away to visit other tables, and go put orders in, you’d take a quick sneak peek at them, still dazed by the fact that your favorite male group was here. They stayed longer than most groups, just having a good relaxing time and truthfully, you didn’t want them to leave yet. By the end of the night, they were ready to head back to their hotel and prepare for a photo shoot they had the next morning. Everyone of them was so kind, they even wanted to hang out with you outside of your workplace. Thus, began a friendship that changed your life, obviously for the better.

3 years ago, you met them. You had accumulated a bunch of vacation days at your job, and decided you wanted to use most of them to go visit your seven lovely friends. It clearly wasn’t the first time you had flown out to see them, and it wasn’t going to be your last either. Getting off the plane and navigating through the airport seemed all too familiar, seeing as you’ve done this same routine every time you visit. They’d always tell you they want to pick you up and drive you to your hotel, but you’d always decline, knowing how crazy it’d be if someone spots them. Each time you visit, you stay at the same hotel, and ironically enough, the same room. You were always curious how that room was always available when you were here. Unpacking your clothes and hopping into a shower was the first things you did when you arrived. That long plane ride always wore you out, even if you were sleeping for most of the flight. Stepping out of the almost boiling hot water made you feel like a whole new person. It was already cold in Seoul, so the hot shower really livened you up after freezing your butt off at the airport. You never told them how long you’d wait for a ride, especially when it was cold out, because knowing them they’d rush to where you were to pick you up. You would always meet up on your second day, giving yourself ample time to rest and relax before you become face to face with a bunch of hyper crazed boys.

3 years of jokes, laughter, late nights, and take-out. You couldn’t have asked for better friends. They were always there for you, even if they had their own problems to deal with. At first, you never wanted to talk about things going wrong, always thinking your ‘normal people’ problems would be boring to them, even if they asked. Yet soon enough, you would all cram together in their dorm living room and vent. Obviously, their problems reside with; being sore from practice, jet-lagged from all the flights they take, missing home, and not getting enough sleep or enough to eat. Ah, the idol lifestyle. Your problems were more mundane; people in your classes were annoying to be around, professors giving way too many essays to count, rude and obnoxious customers at work, and not getting enough sleep some nights because you procrastinated on a project and need to get it done in the next 24 hours or you fail that class for the semester and then you’ll have to take it again which is a waste of money and time. You know, the ‘normal people’ lifestyle. They encouraged you to talk to them, even if they couldn’t give you a solution, just wanted you to know that all of them were there to listen and help any way they could. You did the exact same thing with them. Knowing some of them weren’t the type to express their problems or what they’re stressed about, you’d continuously tell them that you were always available to listen and help if you could. Even though it was normally just Jackson, Bambam, and Yugyeom who would talk about what was causing them to stress out so much, you still felt as if you were the happiest person alive. Yes, the things they’re expressing to you may not exactly be in your ball park, but you were always willing to listen and help, and they appreciated that. Sometimes, they would be missing their families while they were away, and they would send you a quick text saying how they were feeling particularly down that day, and you would drop whatever it is you were doing and send them the longest text you could. Explaining how you understood how they were feeling, and that their schedules would clear up soon, so they can go back home and spend time with their parents and siblings. You’d explain how you felt for them, but let them know that there are so many people out there right now who are eagerly waiting for their next concert, vlive, a video from their YouTube channel, or even simply a tweet or post on Instagram. You’d tell them that they are making so many people happy, by doing what they’re doing, and no matter what, they’d always have the love and support of their fans. After a while, they would thank you for the kind words you said, and tell you that they appreciate you as a friend. You would always be there to listen, even if it is Bambam texting you at 3am letting you know that he just picked out his flashy outfit for tomorrow, which would include 17 pictures of him in it from every different angle you could imagine.

Plopping yourself down onto the bed, you pull out your phone and post a new picture on Instagram. Nothing special, just the TV in the background and a thumbs up. You wrote a caption to go along with it,

“Made it. Flight was long as always, but I’m used to it. Got the same room as I always do, not sure how that happens, but I’m not complaining. Feels good, feels familiar. Ready for a great vaca. Get to see my fave boys tomorrow.”

Not even ten minutes later, you’re getting notifications.

‘333cyj333 liked your post and commented, jacksonwang852g7 liked your post and commented, mark_tuan liked your post and commented, bambam1a liked your post and commented, prdsdef liked your post, yu_gyeom liked your post and commented, pepi_jy_ liked your post.’

Looking at what they had commented, you smile at their dorkiness and sweetness. Your friendship with them wasn’t a secret, you had posted pictures with them all the time, and they did the same. One time, you had tagged along on one of their filming’s of Weekly Idol and you stood behind the cameras watching them dance around like idiots the entire time. On their breaks from filming, you’d sit next to them talking about whatever was coming to mind at that moment. Their crew knew you were friends, the filming crew knew you were friends, and now the hosts did too. They even came around and asked how you all met. You would laugh and explain to them how they walked into the restaurant where you worked and practically spent the whole night there, eating and talking to their hearts content, just having a good time off. You liked thinking back on all these memories you shared with them, it always made your heart swell with the love you have for the seven of them.

The next morning, you woke up to knocking on your door. You weren’t even awake when you dragged yourself up and out of the bed to answer the constant bumping of knuckles on wood. Slowly opening the door with hooded eyes that were ever so slightly closing with every breath you took, you see Mark and Youngjae beaming at you. Blinking once more, you turn away from the door and walk back over to the bed and crawl back under the covers, mumbling very quiet profanities the entire time. Hiding in your cocoon of blankets, you hear a door close and feet walking towards you. The pillow you had your head rested on gets yanked out from underneath you, and starts hitting your coma-like-state body. You didn’t need to see who it was, because you already knew. Youngjae always seemed the most excited when you visited, and you were the closest to him out of all the guys, so it wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to act like this.

“Isn’t it 8am? Why are you here? Why are you up?”

You groaned, rolling onto your other side,

“Who cares? We need to get an early start. You’re here now, so get up.”

Youngjae spoke, a little too enthusiastically for this hour,

“Youngjae, get off the bed and let her wake up properly.”

You hear Mark say as he pulls the younger one by his arm. Slowly emerging from the bedding, your rub you face, staring at the two, who were now sitting on the nearby chairs.

“Let me get ready, I guess. You two are buying me coffee...waking me up this early. Youngjae doesn’t even wake up until noon on your days off, so why are you this chipper?”

“You’re here! We haven’t seen you in almost 7 months.”

It was true, it has been awhile since you last got together, and you did miss them, so you couldn’t be mad at the kid. Walking over to the dresser, you grab the clothes you planned on wearing, and headed off to the bathroom to get ready.

After you finished, you open the door and see them watching TV waiting for you. It had only been around 30 minutes, but they got bored quite fast. Grabbing your bag, you nod your head to the door to let them know you were ready.

20 minutes later you arrive at their dorm, and you were mentally preparing yourself for the wave of excitement you were about to receive. Mark went in first, followed by you and Youngjae. You barely got your shoes off when you were hit by an over-excited Jackson. Screeching and high-pitched laughs were all you could hear coming out of that boy’s mouth, you could only just make out an

“You’re here!”

Making it past the entrance was when the others had begun greeting you, expressing how they missed you after all these months. It was always fun when they were all together like this, it made everything feel more relaxed and comfortable. Walking over to the couch, you all started talking, laughing until everyone’s stomach was in pain, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

The day had gone by as fast as it had arrived, you all ordered take-out and didn’t even leave the living room the entire day. Stories of their concerts and their meet-and-greets were shared with you, and you told them stories of your school days and funny customers at work. It was around 10:30pm when you were saying your goodbyes. You would normally stay longer, but they had an early meeting in the morning, that you didn’t want them to be too tired for. You all had made plans to go out and do something tomorrow, maybe bowling or an amusement park. You loved going on the rollercoasters, but sometimes Jackson wouldn’t want to go on, so you always opted to hang back with him and gossip about the other guys while they were away. He’d enjoy the time it was just the two of you, because you both had a very bubbly personality. You never minded not going on certain coasters, Jackson would make up for it by being his usual extra af self, which would make you laugh your butt off.

You said goodnight to everyone followed with a hug. Leaving their dorm and heading back to your hotel room, you’d peer into nearby store windows, even though the contents never really changed over the many visits you’ve had. You had gotten so used to walking this route, it felt like a second home. There was never a day where you didn’t look forward to the next time you’d fly out here and see them. Both parties were quite busy, so whenever they had time off, they’d let you know, so you can try and maneuver your schedule to match theirs. It was easier for you to plan out when you’d need time off, rather than them, because, well, they live the idol life. Cancelling a concert to hang out with a friend isn’t really appropriate.

You had big plans for tomorrow once you guys came back from having your day of adventure. While you were still back home, you knew your 3 years of friendship was coming up soon, so you went shopping for the occasion. You knew almost everything about the seven of them, so you used your vast knowledge and your recollections from past conversations with them to your advantage. Of course, you weren’t worried about the price, because they were well worth every penny. Most of the things you purchased, you had to search long and hard for, scouring the internet to find exactly what you were looking for. Some of the items took months to find, but in the end, you had all seven gifts. Wanting to do something special, you got each of them the most meaningful present you could possibly think of. You wrapped each gift with different wrapping paper and wrote in a card specifically pertaining to that person. Pouring your heart out in each letter, you felt as if you were the lead role in a soap opera, saying your last goodbyes before you leave forever. That wasn’t the case though, you were just being over-dramatic, or should I say, being very Jackson? Planning on making an excuse to go back to your hotel room after you returned, you’d bring everything over, and hopefully see their faces light up. You went to bed, excited for tomorrow, marking your 3 years with the seven of them.

The alarm you had set the night before had gone off, blasting music throughout the space of your room. Normally you’d have to throw yourself out of bed, but not today. NOPE. Today was a special and important day. Do they know its been exactly 3 years since they waltzed their beautiful faces into your restaurant? Probably not, but that doesn’t matter. As long as you remembered, and they didn’t laugh at you for making such a big deal of it, is just okay. Rushing into the bathroom to do everything you needed to do and quickly getting ready,

you sprinted out the door and made a bee-line towards their building. They offered to pick you up once they finished with their meeting, but you declined, knowing they would need time to change. Well, six of them would only need roughly 5 minutes, but Bambam would need to check the weather, how the moons are aligned, see the others’ outfits so he wouldn’t clash, check his horoscope to see if it read anything about a good color to wear that day, so on and so forth. He always needed to look 1000% fashionable or he wasn’t leaving his room and you’d constantly tease him for it, but when it came down to it he was the best person to go shopping with, and he never turned down a shopping spree with you. Knocking on the door, Mark opened it to see the huge smile plastered on your face,

“Hey.”

“Hey, you all ready?”

“We are…”

he gestured toward the five guys that were plastered on the couch,

“I knew Bambam would take a long time.”

You commented, walking into the entrance and slipping off your shoes.

Headed straight for the lanky-legged boys room, you knocked a couple of times until he swung the door open as he was putting on what looked like the 5th shirt,

“Oh, hey, you’re here already?”

“Mhm, been here for about 30 minutes.”

You lied, just to see the reaction on his face,

“Really? Sorry, I’m almost done…I think.”

You walk in, to see the sprawled-out mess of clothes on his bed,

“I’m joking, I just got here. So, what do we plan on wearing today?”

You ask, looking through the many things he had hanging in his closet,

“I’m not sure, nothing is really standing out to me.”

A nod of your head was all the response you gave, as you still looked through his closet,

“Well, it’s cold outside, you need to remember that, so even if it looks good, you aren’t leaving this room unless you’re warm.”

“Yes mom.”

You shot a glare at him, but you both ended up laughing,

“Okay, what about this, it says ‘Chic but still fashionably warm’?”

You held up a black and gold patterned long sleeve, that you put inside one of the many black leather jackets he had.

“You can pair it with black jeans with a couple of rips, not too many though or else your legs will fall off, and maybe those black boots you have with the gold accents on the zippers?”

He squinted at you and shoved you out the door.

“It was just a suggestion!”

You shout at the now closed door. Queue your eye roll as you headed for the couch,

“You tried to help him, didn’t you?”

JB asks,

“Yeah, apparently that was a nono. Such a diva.”

The seven of you laughed, as you turned your attention to whatever was playing on the TV. JB had YouTube streaming and it was playing through a bunch of music videos,

“Oh oh! There was this amazing song that I had on yesterday, you mind if I show you guys?”

They shook their heads no, never minding if you wanted to play something in particular. You took the tablet off the table and began typing what you wanted them all to see. Pressing play, it was ‘You Are’ and they all fell back into the cushions with a collective sigh. You liked playing their songs around them, seeing their faces as they listen to themselves sing. When the chorus began, you started singing along, swaying side to side, linking your arms with Youngjae’s, getting him to join you. By the second round of the chorus, they all piped up and loudly scream-sang with the lyrics, and when it was winding down to the end, everyone turned their head to see a FINALLY dressed Bambam emerge from his room to scream the last couple of words.

“Glad you’re not a vocal.”

You said, shaking your head at the screechy sound emitting from his mouth,

“Oh. Look at you.”

A smile instantly found its way to your lips, as you saw what Bambam was wearing,

“You took my suggestion?”

He nodded his head,

“I tried it on, and it turns out it looked great. Good eye.”

You couldn’t help but smile even brighter, you always enjoyed when he took your fashion advice.

All 8 of you climbed into a van, as JB drove you all to the nearest amusement park. Everybody was excited for today, getting to act like children was a fun time. The whole car ride there was filled with singing and laughter, you wouldn’t have guessed it took nearly an hour to get there. JB found a parking spot close to the entrance, which is great because toward the end of the day they’ll be tired from all the running around they’ll have to do. After purchasing an arm band each, you took a map and plotted out where you all wanted to start. Jinyoung made a point to start with the nearest attractions, and loop your way back around, so you’d end back at the entrance, leaving you all enough time to ride the first roller coaster one last time. Everyone agreed with his plan, and followed the leader. The first few coasters were fun, they weren’t too extreme, so Jackson also got on with no fussing, but once he was sat down and locked into his chair, is when the high pitch death scream shot out from his lungs. The third one is when you really felt sorry for Youngjae because he was the one who had to share the seat with him. No one realized that the coaster comes to an abrupt stop, as the track was ‘broken off’, then went backwards to land you right back at the beginning. As it was making its way to the ‘broken’ end of the track and suddenly stopped, you grabbed your seat partners hand is sheer terror. That hand just happened to be Mark’s. Once it halted and started its journey backwards, you let out a small yelp, clearly surprising you. He turned his head to look at you, then down to your clasped hands,

“You okay?”

One eye opened slightly, checking for any immediate danger, then the other followed suit.

“Hm? Oh, ha, yeah. I’m okay, just gave be a bit of shock, is all. Wasn’t expecting that…thought I was going to die a little.”

A breathy laugh escaped his throat as he took in your displeased state,

“They wouldn’t have let us on if it was actually broken.”

“Well pardon me for having a normal human reaction, mister ‘I fear nothing’.”

Both of you laughed, as the coaster pulled back into the starting position, getting ready for the next group of people. The bar that had been placed over your laps had lifted up, letting everyone out of their seats, that’s when the two of you realized your hands were still holding on to one another,

“Oh, I’m sorry. I think I grabbed it when the coaster stopped back there.”

You say, as you slowly released his hand and stepped out onto the platform.

“No, it’s okay. It happens.”

Little did you know, the moment your hand let go of his, he felt an instant rush of loneliness, already missing the contact of your smaller hand encased in his. The eldest member had developed a crush on you a year ago, when they had used some of their off time to go visit you. He hadn’t even truly realized it until he’d see you with the other members. You were close to all of them, but you and Youngjae were quite the duo, and normally when you and he would hang out, it was nothing to Mark. When he started feeling a sense of uneasiness when he’d see the two of you cling on to one another, is when he sat back and wondered when he began feeling this way about you. Turns out, it had been for a couple months, that’s when he came to the conclusion that he had a crush on one of his closest friends.

#mark tuan #got7 #tuan amino #fanfic #fanfiction #im jaebum #jackson wang #park jinyoung #choi youngjae #bambam #kim yugyeom #weird-sensation #=#my writing

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madomadotsuki · 6 years

Text

[⌘]-- She... couldn’t quite figure out how he knew that. Unless he picked her phone and read some of her private chats when she wasn’t looking-- but, she just didn’t take him as that kind of person...

How he got to know hardly impacts on the fact that he does know, though...

And seeing some of his recent vent texts, the child bit her lower lip anxiously, a knot forming in her stomach; she knew exactly what he was talking about. She began to write a message for him, but second-guessed herself and chickened out as she wrote. She didn’t delete nor leave the texting option either, however.

Not sure what to do really, she just leaves her phone as-is on the little nightstand next to her bed and attempted to sleep-- Hopefully everybody, including him, would be far more chill-headed after a rest. But as the child tucked herself in and eventually fell into a fast sleep, someone else borrowed her phone, looking over the draft text and making little to no changes to it, before hitting the ‘send’ button on her behalf, despite their padded golden hands and fingers far too large for just about any kind of phone ever, then gently placing it back down where its original owner had left it

[WindowMoon has posted, 4:19 AM:]

[txt] thats not what it looks like. he couldnt stay because he couldnt mentally handle it back then! it wouldnt have been any better if he stayed and it only resulted in the both of you sad, stressed and hurt. he didnt leave because he wanted to abandon you or anyone, otherwise he wouldnt have bothered to leave any message whatsoever, especially not one that did promise a return eventually. i understand being upset over this though-- i was too back then. but you just need to understand that he still needs to look after his mental health. im sure he’ll eventually be back and be really happy to not only see you, but see you doing better too.. so... dont be sad that hes away for a while, okay Dad..?

@navyhealed @ventinbleu

#navyhealed #navyhearted #ventinbleu #v; ???#v; flesh or bones what matters is the heart au #;; undernet #i see you pillow fighting over there!;; dash commentary #gf.m #v; unknown dream frequency

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dearmyblank · 7 years

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dear pretty boy,

I miss you. dropping you off for your flight back home broke my fucking heart. it's hard to believe there was ever a time we hadn't met in person. you're my home, J, 2,000 miles away or face to face. these last three weeks have been like a dream and your absence has brutally woken me up.

as you know, I'm quite silent and unemotional in person. I am a girl of few words. this is a letter to put all my thoughts about our first meeting into the world, since I'm better at writing than I am talking.

I remember going to the airport, and just pacing. people probably thought I was nuts, but the excitement robbed me of my ability to contain myself. I had butterflies, and the rush of emotions made my anxiety higher. I had to take Xanax two times before your arrival. I didn't even see you. I was too busy arguing with my friend about how I didn't care about getting in trouble for running to you. she pointed at something, and I turned and locked eyes with you for the very first time. for that split second, the only thing I could think of was "holy shit, he's gorgeous in person". we embraced, and you told me you loved me at least 3 times. my whole body was trembling, and I felt dizzy. nothing felt real. I will forever remember our first encounter. I wish I could relive it.

my family took us to dinner, and I was so full of anxiety that you took me outside. it was raining. alas, we had a sweet few minutes of alone time. you kissed me, and held me until I felt calm. normally I need space when I'm on the verge of a panic attack, but your presence instantly made me feel safe. we went back in and we shared tacos. it all felt so surreal. you were actually with me. my heart could stop pining for you to be next to me.

when we got home, we sat on the couch and put on the SpongeBob Squarepants Movie. my head was spinning. I was in so much shock, J. we didn't even watch the movie. I was pacing again. you watched me with your big dark eyes (which are, by the way, much more mesmerizing in person) and kept asking me if I was okay. when I regained some control of myself, we goofed off and you took my phone. I chased you down for it. at one point I was on top of you, and I was just kind of like "oh. this is nice". I then asked you if you wanted to go outside with me. it was pouring rain, and that's my favorite weather (as you know). we stood out there for a good amount of time. It was 2AM, and you looked so beautiful standing in front of me with raindrops in your hair. I don't remember what we said, but I know my heart was bursting with love and happiness.

when we came back inside I told you I had to go to bed. my parents didn't want us sleeping together. you suddenly became extremely sad. this is when I showed you the letter I wrote before we met. you kissed me, and asked if I could lie down with you for a few minutes. I couldn't resist. those eyes get me every damn time.

we cuddled in your room. we talked and one thing started leading to another. the tension was high and we made love. thank god I was on birth control. that aside, everything was passionate and felt amazing. you're so perfect. I know you complain about being too skinny, but there is seriously not a single flaw. after our scandalous behavior, we had more deep conversations. I felt no less than absolute bliss.

I soon left for bed, and saw you again the next day. this is when your mental illnesses kicked back in. your anxiety and depression. we left the double date with my friend early and went home. we laid in your bed. you started venting and crying. I cried with you and did my best to reassure you. you felt happy again, and I was content.

I want to take a moment to talk about your mental health problems. I knew a lot about your OCD before we met. you made sure to go into deep detail to aid me in understanding. however, I noticed a few things you did not tell me. over Skype, it sometimes sounded like it was echoing when you said things. in person, I realized it was you repeating what you said under your breath. sometimes you repeated things once, sometimes twice. I also noticed that when taking something out of the fridge or off the shelf, you never took the first one. always the second. you told me this is because 2 is a better number than 1. I also never realized how you only take your food out the microwave when it hits certain times, and how you count how many ice cubes go into your drinks. I'm sorry you feel that you must do these rituals. your anxiety makes you extremely tense. before meeting, you told me that whenever you close your eyes, you see vivid images of horrible things happening. you hear them every so often, too. I know it must hurt and be hard to tell the difference between reality and illness.

you told me that when you're with me, you stop counting. you stop seeing things and hearing things. this is truly amazing to know, even though it is temporary. I want nothing more than to help you through your problems and be the one to love you through them. I'm really fucked up too. being on the autism spectrum and having selective mutism, I hadn't said a word to my aunt and uncle for years. when we saw them, I somehow could speak and hold a conversation. you made my social anxiety vanish. it feels good to talk like a normal person. thank you.

I think we mellow each other out a lot. we make each other less insane and more sane. you balance me out in all the right ways and I feel so whole.

I believe that your soul is peaceful, loving, kind, and pure. everything just hits you so deeply. your mental illnesses turn you into a ball of worry, which is something I truly don't think your soul is. you are gentle. you strive for everyone to be happy. you always come from a place of understanding and heart. I wish I was more like that. I'm lucky to have you help guide me into being a more sensitive human being. please remember that when you are feeling grim, it is not who you are in your core and that you are never alone. I will always be here. you're extremely strong and can control your mind enough to be happy. I promise.

I think I've laughed more in our three weeks than I ever have in my whole life. the belly laughs. the kind where your stomach hurts but you still can't stop. it felt so good, pretty boy. you're not much of a laugher yourself but it seemed as if we were always doing it. when I was being a smart ass during sex, you told me "you're the best person to have sex with". it's crazy, how comfortable we are. you and I are birds of a feather. the connection and chemistry is painfully obvious and even my mom said we're soulmates. I'm going to miss our laughter and goofy moments.

you are my favorite person. you paid for a million ubers just to go where I wanted, bought me things I really loved, carried every bag, matched every outfit with me, got food wherever I wanted, walked to my school to pick me up, always told me to be safe when we were apart, held me whenever we slept together, asked me if I was happy/warm enough/hungry, and cried with me every time I was sad. you are so fucking good to me, and so beyond selfless. you always have been. your heart is golden and I honestly don't know what I did to deserve you. you're my favorite person because of your caretaker nature. your ability to give kindness to everyone you meet. you always took the time to talk to the people we came across. you asked questions that specifically related to them and always acted interested. you're truly special. not many people are as generous or as sweet as you are.

I also love how we're completely comfortable with each other. I'm still beautiful to you with frizzy hair, morning breath, and embarrassing pjs. you're still beautiful to me with acne ointment, messy hair, and stinky farts. I never worry about looking bad in front of you. we've seen each other at our worst, and still cannot find any real flaws. you're my best friend and my partner for life. thank you for loving me despite my insanity and bad hair/face days.

you left less than a day ago, and I'm sitting here with puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. even my mom cried when you got on that plane. I felt like I was abandoning you by leaving the airport. I can't stop crying. I know you'll be here in less than a month to see me graduate, but everything hurts. the pain is worth it, though. worth every kiss, hug, laugh, and cry. my 18th birthday is tomorrow. I'm going to spend it wishing you were still here. I didn't get to spend your 17th birthday two months ago with you, so I guess we're even. this is harder though. we hadn't met then.

I love you. I'm doing my best to be positive, as the distance will be completely over in June. 6 years of being 2,000 miles away will finally be finished.

remember, you'll never have anything to worry about. I'll always be yours, no matter what we go through. I'm in this for the rest of my life. you make me so fucking happy, and I will always want to do the same for you. you bring out my best and love me even when I'm everything but perfect.

I'm smelling the shirt you left me, it smells like sweet rain. I adore your scent. too bad this fabric is missing the bones I'm in love with.

you are my sunshine, my pretty boy, and my goose.

see you soon.

forever yours,

your insomniac/goose

#dearmyblank #dear my blank #j #k #submission

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