#ive got a few posts about this in my drafts because it is really mental but. i cant make myself share it for some reason :/ idk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wayward-aeon · 4 months

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Hey hello!! Im pretty sure Ive seen you around via divine-elixer's post notes, and Ive popped in and out of your blog for the past few months, and Ive been super curious about how you practice "pop culture paganism" bc Ive kinda wanted to get into sth similiar?

I have lots of fun religious trauma from childhood into adulthood and so i was like, fuck it, we ball, im making a new religion -- but im unsure where to start, but I want to incorporate my kintypes into it (aka, Ganyu having a Morax/Exuvia statuette/shrine).

Im also lumine, so like, *waves from the other side of the reality barrier* same hat meme

Anyway, you dont gotta answer if you dont feel comfy, but I'd just like some vague sense of how you go about your practices to see if any of that appeals to what Id want to create or partake in if that makes sense.

♡♡♡ Have a good one!!! ♡♡♡

- @laputian-lilies (kin blog is @twin-wishing-stars )

hi!! i'm always happy to get messages from fellow gen/shin folk!!!

before anything else, sorry for the delayed response! also, this might get long it got really fucking long, so i'm putting it under a cut.

pop culture paganism is great precisely because it can really be anything you want or need it to be. this makes it really great for those who struggle with religious trauma, or have other aspects of life that interfere with more "mainstream" religious practice (mental illness, disability, simple lack of spare time, etc) because if there's anything you don't want to or can't include, just toss it. you're perfectly welcome to compile all the theoretically enjoyable and comforting things about religion and leave the rest on the curb.

ultimately, your practice will be entirely yours. there's no wrong or right way to do it, as long as it works for you.

for me, as fictionkind, a big part of what makes PCP so appealing is being able to feel more connected to the other worlds i've been, lives i've led, and the people i've met along the way. like, a "no need to be homesick if some of home is still with me" kind of thing.

talking specifically in the context of gen/shin, although i definitely wouldn't consider myself a devotee of the archons, some of them were very dear to me. giving them a sort of platonic reverence, more akin to friends sharing drinks around a bar than a worshipper offering libations, helps me feel connected to them. i do also still acknowledge the power they have, so i might invite them to share it with me in times of need.

as an example, one thing i did as an experiment a while back was draft a couple modified versions of the lesser ritual of the pentagram. these were made in tribute to barb/atos and mor/ax, and in place of the angels or divine names, they called upon the Four Winds and the yaksha, respectively. i haven't used either of them in practice, mostly because frankly i don't have much of a practice to speak of these days (thanks, shitty mental health), but i have complete confidence in their effectiveness just by virtue of my trust in the beings to whom they're dedicated.

this is the part where i interrupt myself to say that i recommend anyone interested in PCP reads a bit about chaos magic. chaos magic is all about the power of belief, and there's a heavy emphasis on individuality and carving one's own path, so their resources and anecdotes can be very helpful to us pop culture practitioners building our own systems from scratch.

anyway, i also like incorporating aspects of technopaganism into my personal practice. a big part of this is virtual shrines and temples! i've been playing a lot of minecraft recently, and creative games like this are perfect for building little temples or tributes to any entity you may acknowledge. there's no need to worry about not having enough space or not being able to afford materials, and they never need to be cleaned. i also adore the sort of shrines you might find on folks' personal webpages, and i'd like to make one for myself when i get around to making my neocities page.

this is something we as gen/shin fictionkind have a foot ahead in, because between our personal teapots and the many religiously significant areas in the game itself, we always have a lot of ways to immerse ourselves and connect directly to the object(s) of our devotion. i don't want to call him out, because he doesn't consider himself religious, but a fellow sourcemate regularly offers incense to the temple of pervases, which i think is a perfect example of this. for me personally, i like to sit in the hands of the barb/atos statue in mond/stadt when i'm feeling down, or need to ground myself, or i just want to feel close.

i would eventually like to incorporate more personally significant things into my physical space, but that means spending money, and i'm forever broke, lmao

in terms of more "traditional" worship, pop culture gods are no different from any other god. you can pray to them, give them offerings, ask them for aid, perform ritual and divination in their name, anything that feels right for you!

other than all that, i guess the biggest thing for me is just acknowledging that, even if i may be far from home physically, i will always have a spiritual connection to the places and people that matter to me. i still see them in my dreams, i still hear them in whispers on the wind. and i know they can hear me, too.

i think that's all i have to say. forgive me if its disjointed or not very coherent at times, i'm very scatterbrained these days. thank you for the ask, and i wish you luck on your journey!

#i feel like i rambled on way too much lmfao #i hope this is still helpful...?

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todayisafridaynight · 10 months

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OH I WAS JUST REMINDED CAUSE the angle on Jo in the last panel is similar to how I remember some shots of Takita + The General Premise Of Being Sick ☠️☠️And also that I was gonna tack it onto my ask about Day with the Sun but I didn't think it was relevant enough... but yeah... We Can Only Hope...

I can't say much about the show mainly because I was in a rut and couldn't engage with any media I tried to watch at all for a while [and with a stream, I couldn't pause to process things]; that said, it was insanely successful for a reason, and if nothing else it'd probably be fun to watch before you play Judgment and see how it influenced the games! I also really love Amamiya [the female lead] and Hiroshi Abe never disappoints :]

DO NOT BE ASHAMED TO ADMIT YOU ALREADY KNEW... I didn't know that's what Krillin's name was derived from... very fun trivia :] But yeah I love Nakai's dogs and his blog posts Dearly... it's actually kinda funny too because I spent ages the other day trying to find any other characters of his who wear unbuttoned shirts for reference [during which I also kept running into media that had no subs or wasn't uploaded at all so ☠️ I'm glad you found A Ghost of a Chance!], and I completely forgot about these pics until now...

Anyway here is a bonus Tsutsumi with his dog :] he got it in 2018 for his daughters...

LASTLY I think you should give Arakawa his stubble back so I can scritch him under the chin As God Intended and I think you should write a sequel to Sons of Bosses so I can line up with a bowl :]

OH fair fair fair 😩 if its anything, since watching more jdramas and movies ive borrowed how camera angles are done in those SO it is vaguely intentional for it to be reminiscent of dramas :]

once i strongarm time from Life i'll surely give it a watch (❁´◡`❁) im forever grateful a lot of jdramas are only 10-12 episodes long, it makes binging shit HELLA easy and gives me motivation to watch and finish things ♪(´▽｀)

it's actually so unfortunate a lot of nakai's movies and shows are practically exclusive to japan (if not myself just constantly being reminded i should be better dedicated to studying japanese..) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) still, it's what makes finding anythin he's in all the more enjoyable and has me all the more grateful （*＾-＾*）

BUT OH MY GOD TINY BABY PUPPY HIIIIIIII handsome feller.... what a cute coat... what a silly face pattern ive never seen a dog like that..... epic .........

arakawa-with-stubble has been cooking in the back of my brain for a LONG while (i've Mentally drafted a few comics that take place during a time where he'd reasonably be growing some), im just a lazy bastard who never draws any of those ideas (╯▽╰ ;;) sequel to Sons of Bosses may be a thing... depends on if i can force this goofy brain of mine to work and write three fics in one week..

#long post #snap chats #but as of right now.... i gotta finish this comic fr i havent event lined anything yet im still editing the sketch ☠️#OH BU TO RAMBLE BOUT THE TRIVIA BIT A LIL LONGER. CAUSE I SUCK. YEAH.....#a BIG FAT CHUNK of names from dragon ball are named after food Case In Points Being #yamcha (named after yum'cha which is basically just like. Lunch Time) / tenshinhan (a chinese-inspired japanese breakfast dish)#and chiaotzu based off of jiaozi- chinese dumplings :) can we tell who the explicitly-Chinese charas are... fun stuff like that.....#anyway.. i love the idea of giving jo and arakawa 'back' features of theirs that get lost.. like those restoration projects at museums..#ok im done rambling byyye

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penguin--person · 8 months

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hey. hey you. I’m way too nervous to leave an actual comment on it but the rain world fic you posted recently. Fucking slaps. It’s so good. Idk how to put it into words but it’s like you make the characters so clear and and…idk but I think your fic is so cool and good. AND I DONT EVEN RAIN WORLD IS SUPPOSED TO BE. I came in through PAFL but I’ve been curious about rw for a while now, and this has made me want to check it out even more. Also, take your time on the swap au!! Stay healthy(physically AND mentally. They both matter) and don’t burn yourself out! Always remember that you are priority #1, and that your needs should always come first. Alright that’s it bye :D

AWAWA!!!! wawawwaaa!!!! explodes and diessssss ..n"!!! thanke you!!! thank you:3!!!!! your kind words are always so!!! nice and cool!!! and a pleasure to receive!!! <3333 rain world my good friend rain world... its a game for sure!!! ive been engaging less w the fandom lately, but, i still rlly like the game:3 ive been into it for. checks steam achivements. like two years now (i got into pafl not long after i think) !! rain world has these thangs tho - slugcats! :) the link leads to my rw pafl au... i have. SO Many pafl aus. you dont even Know. i havent even posted half of them. you dont know about my wandersong pafl au. you dont know about my buddy sim pafl crossover. you dont know about my pathologic pafl au (yet) (>:3). and thats because i never draw anything for them ❤️might write smth tho... ..

mm . youre rlly cool. thank you again!!! for your support!!! as a thank you, heres what ive got so far for the next chapter of swap! its not much, and mostly just first draft, but! just for you ❤️the '*' signal words/sentences im gonna italise

It’s another day. Just like always.

Half-asleep, Yura glances at the door, halfway through his breakfast. His mother’s standing there. She’s already fully dressed, while her son is still in last night’s clothes. He hasn’t had much energy as of late. It’s not like he ever has any energy, even more as of late, with the trip to the zone coming up... Not to mention everything that’s happened with Dmitry.

Yura grunts at the thought of that… *monster.

Why didn’t he stick around? Maybe he’d have been able to convince Sergei to let him stay, or at the very least, not report him. Maybe he could have helped Dima escape. Maybe he could have seen the police coming and warned him. Maybe if he had used his brain, he’d have told Sanya to let Dima stay at his place and avoided all of this. But, no amount of *maybes is going to change the fact that he’s gone. Dead, maybe, for all they know.

The door clicks shut. He’s alone now. Anya is either at school (Is there school today? What day is it?) or, more likely, at Olya’s right now. She probably won’t be back for some time. Yura will be all by himself until then, getting swallowed up by unnecessary feelings.

… Whatever. He only knew him for a week. He shouldn’t care. His eyes shouldn’t sting at the memory of the guy. It doesn’t matter that Yura wasted so much time and money helping him out. Feeding him, giving him a place to stay, hanging out with him even though he was *such a pain in the ass.. But none of that matters now. Never will matter, because he’s gone. The only thing that matters is that he- *it, Yura corrects himself - killed a few people in Sergei’s flat.

… Well, not really people. Not ones that matter, anyway. Three or so cops. Blew up their heads, Sanya said, that it looked like that’s what happened. Yura got the feeling she didn’t tell him more than she had to during their phone call. It was clear that she wasn’t pleased with how things turned out. Maybe she was hoping Sergei could help Dima. Let him live with them. Find some place for him to stay, at least.

Yura can’t find the strength to not blame her for this. The rational side of him argued that she was the *least to blame, actually, she didn’t know this would happen. Most likely, she didn’t even know that Dima’s a mutant. Still. Though the final nail in his (hopefully only metaphorical) coffin was decided by Sergei, *she took Dima to him. She should have known.. but, how could she have? There was no way for her to know.

A frustrated groan escapes the teen. There’s really no need to be thinking that much about him. About *it.

He groans again, frustrated by his inability to call Dmitry what he is. It’s not like he didn’t know the truth all along, either. Again, he internally reprimands himself for getting attached. Sanya isn’t to blame here- no, she’s not the one responsible for all of this. Maybe for getting him reported so quickly, but that was always going to happen, one way or another. Better soon than later, the teen thinks. Before he let that not entirely uncomfortable feeling grow more than it already has.

Before he can ponder this any further, his phone buzzes. With one hand, he rubs his eyes, with the other he picks up his phone.

*We need to talk, a message from none other than Mr Kazarin himself. The tone of the message makes him sound like he wants to break up, Yura thinks to himself. Funny. Maybe it is one. Yura runs a hand through his hair, staring at the message. His stalker times are over before they even started, his only hope at making it in this godforsaken world, all because of that.. *thing. Nothing he can say could fix this.

Luckily, before he can ruin Sergei’s view of him any further, another message. An invitation, if one can call it that, to meet up at an unimportant location. It’s not like he has much choice in this - so, he sends back an *ok, gets dressed in his unitidy clothes and heads out.

—

something something sergei angst

“You know what this is about.” Sergei proclaims. Yura doesn’t need to reply for him to know he’s right, but he still does, accompanied by a dry chuckle. “‘Course I do. It’s about Dimochka.”

“*Don’t call it that.”

The air is thick with tension. Despite this, Yura nonchalantly holds a cigarette out to him. Like nothing’s happened- like this is just a regular training session. With a sigh, he takes the cigarette, and with one quick motion, he takes out his lighter. Yura is fiddling with his own.

#<333 thank you

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lyra-swan · 10 months

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Hiiiii I know you're offline as I'm writing this but nevertheless I still felt like jumping into your inbox and word-vomiting for a second because I've been following Mechanical Angel for quite some time now and picked it up again recently and I just made it to part IV, god I'm having a blast. I can't wait to put all my full, extensive thoughts out there once I'm done but for now I need to stress that I'm just super impressed with both your writing style and the tone/ character development as a whole but the world-building in particular got to me gooood.

Am I right to assume that a lot of research went into this???? Because you can genuinely tell, to the point I literally felt transported to the places as you described them every time and the details are just so captivating to witness. It really feels like I'm reading a ww2 novel, I feel transported back into German literature class on occasion and it's just. Impressive???

Anyway thank you SO MUCH for putting this out there, I'm so happy Mechanical Angel (and all of your works) exist!! I've already noticed that there's another story focused on Natsume/Sora set in the same universe and I can't wait to finally jump into that one too once I'm done with MA. (Especially since Natsume is in my top 4# favorite characters but that's only a bonus)

Last but not least I am very mentally ill over Eimika now, congrats, I'm rotating them in my brain a very normal and totally not concerning amount, haha

May you have a wonderful day!!

Oh hi thank you so much!! I both loved and struggled with Part IV so much, but it was extremely fun to write, especially that dumb part in ch.38... I dunno if you've reached ch.45 but that was also very fun. I hope you continue to enjoy the rest!

I'm going to ramble like an old grandma again, adding a read more thingy so the post won't be a bother to scroll past for others.

In my opinion I don't think I've done enough research! But I'll always feel like that no matter how much I do so bleugh, nevermind. The scenery is typically based on my own surroundings but changed slightly to match an European feel... I think I wrote more in the last ask answer but it has a tiny bit of spoilers, I believe. The setting is a bit of amalgamation of my own country and europe because my own surroundings is what I'm familiar with, and of course although it's supposed to be inspiried by Germany everyone drives on the left side (I think I mentioned it in a chapter note) because I didn't want to accidentally trip over myself from a simple description of where a character turns their head. It's the Little Details that are important!

I say, as if I also didn't mess up a few details here and there because I started posting before finishing the first draft and so I couldn't edit the way I used to do for my previous longfics... But yes, it was very fun adding random bits from what I learned into the story because I used to love watching WW2 docs and laughing every time the nazis messed up and suffered a crippling defeat.

Like, I'd read about how they lied to their citizens that they were doing just dandy, and then have Wataru ask Eichi if he wanted more 'false reports of our so-called victories on the battlefield' to be published in the newspapers. Because that's the funniest shit ever to me...

Then one day I'd read about the nazis being among the first to connect smoking to bad health, and I'd add something like that in a conversation between Eichi and Tatsumi, they're not nazis obviously but because of the setting's inspirations that's where I got a lot of information (but you'll have a scene later on that's more Britain than Germany, so the fic truly is a amalgamation of different european settings during WW2). And of course, people are sceptical of new medical findings, that was mentioned. And the part where Eichi mentions 'common people are suspicious of IV drips' to Mika, that was a thing in the real world too.

I wonder if there is a single medical invention that wasn't regarded with suspicion by at least one person at first.

I kind of wish I had Eichi offering gold watches to anyone who quit smoking, it would've been funny, but eh.

And of course there are some things that don't make sense because this IS an alternate world so I DO have freedom. Like, even though this takes place generally in 1930s-1940s time, tranquiliser guns weren't invented until the 1950s (by a NEW ZEALANDER!!! Colin Murdoch. He's also the genius behind the modern day syringe, if I recall correctly), but you know, I added it in anyway because alternate world, alternate invention timeframes. I wrote that fog scene where Mika is shot by Midori while also sitting outside one dark foggy morning, and I liked the scene so much I kept it in.

Anyway I'm so happy you like the world-building! It was super fun to work on! I really like rural settings for world war stories... one of my favourite authors, Michael Morpurgo has that kind of vibe going on too, my bookshelf has a few of his books. So many dog and animal stories with themes of war lingering in the background if they don't directly deal with war and I love every one of them. They're all so full of emotion, they'd always make me cry. I love the stories that can make me cry and look back and think it was the most beautiful thing I've ever read and Morpurgo's works can do that A LOT. But also I'm very emotional...

And thank YOU for this! I'm always so happy hearing someone enjoyed what I wrote!

I still need to finish that natsusora fic. It was supposed to be a part of the main story itself but because it would've taken so many chapters, I was worried about 'forcing' readers through a side story that had no bearing on eimika. So I posted it as a separate fic! It takes place during that last chapter of Part IV so you can actually have a look whenever you've started Part V.

Natsume is very out of character, however. He's in his 30s and not really the cute feminine witchy boy that he truly is in canon (at least, that's how I see him), he's an engineer and really logical... but he hates Eichi with a passion, that's VERY necessary. Nevertheless, I try to write him as close to his canon self within the au that I've shoved him in and told him to survive in. Totally fine if you end up not liking it!

Excuse the rambling!! Thank you! You have good day!!

#anon ask

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watatsumiis · 1 year

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I PICKED A WHOLE BUNCH AGAJAHS

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfiction?

💖 What made you start writing?

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

WAHOOO TY :D

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

So many. So so many. You would not believe the amount of scrapped or unfinished pieces that I've got in my drafts. Definitely more than what has been posted here for SURE.

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfiction?

Yeah, I'm fairly open about it with my closest friends (who do like to clown on me for being a genshin impact fan and an anime boy enjoyer etc etc (all in good fun tho)) though I wouldn't tell them the name of my blog. My boyfriend knows of course, he often gets early admission to ideas and brainrots and drafts and access to the fics I'd never post online :3

💖 What made you start writing?

Not a point of bragging but I've always had a bit of a knack for writing, so as I began to fall behind in other subjects I kind of threw myself more into writing - a lot of it came about for coping reasons, just me seeking to make things that could comfort me when I was feeling down, ways to get certain ideas to stop rolling around in my head so much, or even ways to help me process things I was going through at big times in my life (even if I didn't realise it at the time - there are some fics I go back and read and realise ive unintentionally been mirroring real life things that were happening to me during that time).

I also am just a sort of. creative person in general, I do a lot of visual art but I find it takes a lot of spoons and mental energy that I just don't always have - I've been slowly learning to take more pride in my writing and the way it has improved over the years - sometimes I struggle to see my own writing as a 'valid' piece of art because I just... I find it almost... easy, if that makes sense? It takes less spoons and often feels like less thought so my brain kind of goes "ah yes I'm somehow cheating at this" and refuses to see it as a Real Piece of Media I Created. But I've been getting better!! So yeah I think I've always been a bit of a writer but I only really started getting into it around high school, and I only started posting it online super recently (this blog is the first time ive ever shared my writing with a wider audience!)

sorry for the mostly offtopic ramble aha im a little all over the place rn but yeah !! this was an interesting subject to think about ty <3

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

Honestly? There's genuinely not much i won't write. If I can find a way to spin it that'll get the brain juice flowing, I'm set. There are certain things I'd write that I'd never post, but that's a different kettle of fish entirely (thats such a strange phrase to me jkahsfd)

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

Childe and Itto are SO Fun to write, Childe for his general unhinged-ness, and Itto for his dialogue and himbo tendencies !! I'm enjoying writing Diavolo from om! for the same reasons honestly.

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

I like to clown to my bf about the notes and numbers and the like, like I'll say things like "oh damn tumblr is thirsty for diluc and not itto, how sad" but honestly numbers aren't something that phase me much - i think there are a few different aspects in which I feel like a fic of mine can be successful

The writing process - If i had fun writing it, thinking about it, and/or feel better/lighter for having written it, then it's a success in that aspect

Feedback - i try not to let too much hinge on this since it's such a finicky aspect but like. If i get positive feedback and comments on a piece, rest assured I've read every one about three times over. It makes me so happy to see others engage in my content, and to have people say things like "i needed this today" or "this made me smile" means more than any of you will ever ever know - writing is a source of comfort to me, and the fact that i'm able to share it and bring comfort to others as well is just. it makes me so so happy.

⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

Really depends on the inspiration level and how I'm rotating the ideas around in my brain - some pieces I can get the idea, then have it started and finished within one sitting, others I need some time to kind of sit on before a scenario comes to me. If it's something I'm particularly inspired for I can reach well over 1k words an hour. I don't really edit or proofread the pieces I post either, I just hit send and hope for the best (I've definitely come back to a piece weeks later to realise there's been a typo in it the whole time, oops)

#asks #general barks #thanks so much for sending these in !! they were rly fun to answer oooo #general howls

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beepboop358 · 3 years

Text

Victor Creel Theories

(also includes ST movie DNA series: Star Wars)

Victor Creel is described as "a disturbed and intimidating man who is imprisoned in a psychiatric hospital for a gruesome murder in the 1950s." We know he will be institutionalized at Penthurst mental hospital, where Peter Ballard works, based on leaked on set pics.

There a few possibilities regarding his character:

He could be a former test subject with some kind of powers and a connection to the upside down (which would also follow the even/odd season pattern of a main character being directly involved with the upside down creatures) I think it's highly likely that Victor Creel will be involved with the mystery/danger in Hawkins in some way, and have a connection to the upside down. He could also be disturbed on top of this, and he could be involved in Eleven's storyline this season.

That he is not a test subject and is ONLY mentally disturbed.

He may be related to one of the already established characters. Most likely Joyce, and maybe Terry but it's a stretch.

Before I go any further into that last possibility, I just want to preface that this idea of an "evil father/grandfather with powers" could be a purposeful Star Wars parallel. The Duffer brothers have already paralleled and used Star Wars references a few times in the show:

In Star Wars, Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father, and Palpatine is Rey's grandfather (aka the literal worst guy in the universe). A common theme in ST is abusive/bad fathers - that post here. Interesting...

Palpatine is also Anakin Skywalker's father, so Luke and Leia are both the grandkids of Palpatine as well as Rey is, but it's unclear if they are just force midichlorian related or actually dna related as well but I won't get into that here!

Luke and Rey are both force sensitive (have powers), so are Darth Vader and Palpatine; their descendants (kid/grandkid) have powers, and so do they (father/grandfather) The descendants use their powers for good, while the ancestors use their power for evil. Who has powers in ST? Eleven and Will - and they both already have this idea of abusive/bad/evil fathers: Will has an abusive father Lonnie, and Eleven has an abusive father figure Dr. Brenner "Papa".

So... Victor Creel being the evil/bad grandfather to either Eleven or Will and the evil/bad father to Joyce or Terry, would make a FULL Star Wars parallel to people who are morally good and have powers (Will and El - Luke and Rey), discovering they are the descendant of an evil male figure who also has powers (Victor Creel - Darth Vader and Palpatine)

If Victor Creel turns out to be the father of anyone in the show my bets are it's either Joyce Byers or maybeee Terry Ives.

If he was a test subject, its likely he went "crazy" with some of his powers and the government couldn't cover it up so they declare him mentally insane to get him committed, and he probably goes insane being locked away as well. Personally, I think he may be 001 or an early test subject, when they were still working out the kinks of the program, and I think he does have a big connection to the upside down.

The Duffer Brother's on s4: "In Hawkins a new horror is beginning to surface, something long buried, something that connects everything"....

Now let's get into the possibilities for Creel's storyline/who he could be related to (split into 3 parts).

Part 1: Creel could be Joyce's father

Based on Victor Creel's description as "disturbed" and that he is "in a psychiatric hospital", it could connect him to Joyce's bloodline.

There are several comments in the show hinting to this idea of mental instability in Joyce's family:

s1 ep.5: When Lonnie comes to visit in s1 after Will goes missing, Joyce says to Lonnie "No, don't look at me like that, like how everyone is looking at me, like I'm out of my damn mind" He responds saying "I think you need to consider the possibility that this is all in your head. Remember your Aunt Darlene?" Joyce quickly replies, "No, this is not that."

That conversation, although quick, is very telling. Lonnie is implying that Joyce had an aunt who was mentally unstable - and Joyce clearly knows about her aunt being unstable because she responds to his comment by saying what's she's experiencing is not that (the mental instability of her aunt)

s2 ep.2: Joyce says to Bob, "this is not a normal family", when he suggest moving out of Hawkins.

I used to think Joyce was always was referring to the whole 'my son got stuck in an alternate dimension with supernatural monsters and is now traumatized, and we were sworn to secrecy by the government' thing but maybe she is also referring to her biological family.

s1 ep.2: When they are searching for Will, one of the other police officers, says "Joyce is one step from the edge" and the other officer responds "She has been several steps for quite a while now".

If Joyce is related to Victor Creel biologically, and he did also happen to be a test subject, has powers, or has some other relation to the upside down, this could possibly have contributed to whatever kind of abilities Will has, because he would be a descendant of Creel. But Joyce does not seem to have any powers and neither does Jonathan. If they were related to Creel, it's odd that they both didn't get powers, but Will did. I've always thought Will was born with his powers, like El.

We know almost nothing about Joyce's past, it's never discussed in the slightest in the show, which I feel like is purposeful. We don't know Joyce's maiden name; she doesn't change it back after she and Lonnie divorce. Maybe the Duffers are saving Joyce's backstory for s4 (and possibly s5), like I think they are doing with Will and El's connection. Will, El, Hopper, and Joyce were pictured in a series of 4 tweets posted by the stranger writers, hinting to the main 4 storylines for season 4. My analyzation of this tweet here.

I think it's possible that Joyce's storyline this season could also have to do with her past- not just her searching for Hopper- but also more personal information about her. Perhaps we will see flashbacks of younger Joyce and maybe learn about her biological relatives.

Noah also said this would be the darkest season for Will, so this idea of being the grandkid of someone evil or disturbed could fit into that.

Part 2: Creel could be Terry's father/Eleven's grandfather

The only other person I could see potentially having a biological; relation to Victor Creel could be Terry Ives and Eleven, (because it would complete the Star Wars parallel mentioned earlier) but it's a stretch for several reasons, the main one being that Terry and Becky's father Bill Ives, died in a car crash (year unknown).

So for Victor Creel to be Terry's father that either has to be:

Her adoptive father OR

Her mother cheated and led Mr. Ives to believe Terry was his kid but her father is really Victor Creel, and Becky is actually Bill Ives son (which would explain why Becky has no powers)

Right of the bat it's interesting Terry's father's name is Bill. Bill is a nickname for William (Will Byers full name is William), and Billy's a nickname also for William... Hmmm....

Immediately after El is born, Terry is adamant that Brenner stole her child to use as a weapon to fight the commies BECAUSE SHE HAD SPECIAL ABILITIES - and she's completely right about everything. How does Terry know El had powers immediately after she was born? Because she knows she has developed some kind of special abilities from the experiments as well. When El goes to visit her mother in s2, THE LIGHTS FLICKER, just like they do when the upside down is near, but it's not Eleven controlling it. Her Aunt Becky says it's just the wiring, and Eleven responds: "IT'S MAMA. She wants to talk." And then we see Terry's NOSE BLEED, just like El's does when she uses her powers.

Quick side note about El's biological father is Andrew Rich: (It's revealed in the canon novel Suspicious Minds that Andrew Rich is El's father) He was a college student who got expelled from school due to protesting the Nixon address, making him eligible to be drafted in the Vietnam war, and he died in battle. Terry was involved in the Project MKUltra experiments at Hawkins National Laboratory in College, under the direction of Dr. Martin Brenner, but didn't know she was pregnant at the time. Andrew never even knew Terry was pregnant, meaning she was extremely early on in her pregancy at the time he was sent away, not even Terry was aware yet. It's also stated in this book that BRENNER HAD A HAND IN GETTING ANDREW EXPELLED SO HE COULD SEND ANDREW AWAY. The novel states that Brenner has Andrew drafted because he wants to SCARE Terry, to show her how much power he has over her life. There's definitely some history between Terry and Brenner that we don't know about yet.

If Victor Creel is in fact Joyce's father it's interesting that the powers seem to have skipped a generation with Joyce, and also one kid with the Byers, but if Victor Creel is Terry's father, no generations were skipped in passing down powers. ANYWAYS, this is all just theories and speculation since we have no actual concrete reasons to believe he will be related to Joyce or Terry.

Part 3: The possibility that Creel could be involved in Eleven's storyline this season does not rely on them being biologically related.

**One of the filming locations for this season is the Claremont House, which is RUMORED to be Creel's house and also "Vecna's lair" the new monster for s4 (unconfirmed) This is the house the Hawkins group goes into in the ST4 sneak peek, where they see the grandfather clock striking midnight. If that's true, there's a connection between Creel and the upside down and having powers, which could connect Creel to Eleven. The Duffers: "In Hawkins a new horror is beginning to surface, something long buried, something that connects everything". This thing "that connects everything", could be Creel's storyline (his possible connection to the lab/upside down/person in the show), because Creel's storyline also spans all the way back to the 1950's and before that, so there's our "long buried" part most likely.

Robert Englund recently revealed in *an interview* that his character Victor Creel gouges his eyes out, making him unable to see. Englund also mentions what it's like working with Millie Bobby Brown and talks about the first time her met her, he doesn't mention any other cast members in detail like he does Millie.

He's clearly working closely with Millie's character Eleven.

But why? I think Creel could be involved with Eleven getting her powers back, and her reliving her past. Once the government baddies realize El has no powers, they're gonna want them back. If Creel was in fact a test subject, maybe there is some kind of connection between them, Such as Eleven revisiting what happened to her in her past and how that could relate to her getting her powers back.

Another thought I had was that perhaps the gruesome murder he committed is somehow related to something that ends up impacting in Eleven's life.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whatever Victor Creel's storyline is, it will be an important one, and it will carry somewhat into s5, since he will be a returning character. He is not signed as a series regular, but as a recurring character, which means we don't really know to what capacity he will be in s5. It could be flashbacks mostly, or he could have just as big or small of a role.

Source: indie wire

That detail about eyes being gouged out reminds me of fear street 1666 when the townsmen who was sacrificed to the devil becomes possessed and gouges the kids eyes out. Leigh Janick, director of fear street, is married to Ross Duffer. They both direct and make horror/sci-fi themed series about kids in a small town set in the 80's, who fight supernatural evil with a heavy undertone of queer themes, that are even filmed in a lot of the same locations (the mall, the town streets, etc.) I'm not saying it's the same thing, it definitely won't be. But there's so many similarities between ST and Fear Street, I thought I would mention this as another.

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dinosaurtsukki · 3 years

Text

[ wedding gifts | feat. akaashi keiji ]

pairing: akaashi keiji x f!reader

word count: 1.3k words

contains: um, angst, jumps in between memories

a/n: wanted to use the whole wedding gift saying (something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue) thing as a prompt. /might/ make this into a series thing but depends how i feel abt it haha

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

I. something old

the candy ring pop that akaashi gave you when you were twelve. the lollipop had already been eaten, of course, but you still kept the green, plastic ring piece. sometimes you take it out of where you keep it on your nightstand drawer and fit it over your ring finger.

“i’ll marry you when we get older!” you remember akaashi promising you, right before slipping the ring pop on your finger. you were probably ten years-old back then. akaashi was still in his ‘dragons phase’ and carried one of his favorite books with him to school. he still barely knew how to tie his shoelaces but you never minded squatting down to tie them for him.

neither of you really understand what it means to be married. as far as you know, it just means spending time together and living in the same house. of course, you nod your head and agree. akaashi giggles before going on about how you’ll be wearing matching pajamas until you’re both older.

the lollipop dyes your tongue red and you could see it sticking out between your lips in the bathroom mirror while you rinse off the ring piece. you usually throw these away after eating them but this was different. ‘akaashi gave it, so i have to keep it’, you reason with yourself, shaking the piece of plastic dry.

you and akaashi are much older now and even though he’s grown out of his dragon phase, you still gift him a little dragon keychain that he still keeps on his bag. he probably doesn’t know that you’ve kept the ring until now, nor the fact that your hands would touch his for a moment too long.

‘does he remember?’ you wonder, gazing down at the ring on your finger. it would be kind of stupid if he does, even more so for you to hold onto it.

II. something new

the spare key to akaashi’s new apartment. he’s too cautious to leave it under the doormat to his house, saying that ‘everyone knows that’s where to keep the spare key by now’. so instead, he gives it to you. after all, you live near enough to his place. after all, you would always come if he needed you for anything.

and yet, akaashi never accidentally locks himself out of his house or loses his key. but you keep it anyway because akaashi’s apartment for you to come and go as you please. you cook too much pasta for one person but enough for two so akaashi always has extra noodles in his cupboard.

“guess what that guy in my class did today?” “i accidentally got my wrong coffee order.” despite how long you two have known each other, conversations never run stale. you feel like akaashi’s couch has begun to have a dent in the cushions because you always sit there.

and yet, you can’t bring yourself to talk about what’s been weighing on your mind for the past few years. afraid because you don’t want to accidentally create an ocean between the two of you and yet not content with the unnamed boundary between the two of you.

so you content yourself with the extra key hanging from your chain, with the extra noodle in the cupboard, with the comfortable dent in the sofa that’s been molded in the shape of you. you tell yourself that maybe someday, these would no longer be extras but normal parts of the life you and akaashi share.

that is, until he says the thing you’ve been dreading most to here. “i think i met someone,” akaashi says, almost shyly. his fingers are splayed across the rim of his mug his gaze focused at the window. another conversation stems from that, but one that you have trouble listening to as you feel the key burning a hole in your pocket.

III. something borrowed

akaashi’s volleyball team jacket from way back in high school. you can’t help but stare at the way it fits around her shoulders perfectly when akaashi drapes it on her. as much as you want to, it’s difficult to hate her. not when you see how much she makes akaashi happy.

you make akaashi happy too, just not in the way she does. but he never neglects you, never cancels out on the plans you two have made together, never leaves you waiting outside his apartment door. it would have been easier if akaashi would ignore you or if the girl he was dating was a terrible person. you’re left swinging between joy for the two of them, and sadness to your self.

“you and akaashi sure have known each other for a long time,” she says. your eyes linger on the jacket around her shoulders and how her arm is partially resting on akaashi’s.

“we’ve practically known each other since we were in daycare,” akaashi smiles softly at you. “hey, remember that time we met? when you pushed me off the swings in the playground?”

you can’t help but laugh at the memory as you recount your version of the story. in the back of your mind, you think of the green plastic ring in your nightstand drawer and the ache in your chest grows.

you lean your forehead against the car window when he drives you home, admiring how the yellow streetlights give akaashi’s skin a bronze tint, the way his dark brown hair curls in all the right places. he’s chewing his lip, meaning that he’s worrying about another deadline and you wonder if it’s alright for you to give his wrist a gentle squeeze now.

“thanks again for coming,” he smiles when he walks you to your apartment. you don’t want him to go just yet. you don’t want him to go at all. would the existing bond between you and akaashi be enough for him to consider you, his closest friend, at all?

“is something wrong, y/n?” he asks. you bite your lip, and finally say what you’ve been wanting to for the past few years.

IV. something blue

the bridesmaid’s dresses are the same shade of blue as akaashi’s tie. it’s one of the things you helped choose when wedding planning rolled around. it’s your favorite shade of blue, one that matches the irises arranged on each of the tables during the reception. everything in the wedding venue is picture-perfect and you can’t help but take mental snapshots to remember forever.

if only it was for you.

like the decorations and the flower arrangements, you’re dressed in blue from head to toe, fixing a smile on your face as you watch akaashi’s bride-to-be walk down the aisle in her white gown. even though you’ve prepared for this day for months, years even because you knew deep in your heart that akaashi would ask her eventually, you still can’t stop the tears from escaping from the corners of your eyes.

and as much as it would pain you, your eyes finally land on the expression on akaashi’s face. the smile there could only mean that he’s feeling a happiness that’s beyond words.

the rest of the ceremony goes well, even with you pausing to dab at the corner of your eyes. everyone assumes that you’re crying from happiness for your best friend.

of course, you deliver a speech to the newlyweds, one that took you weeks to write with more than a few crumpled up drafts ending up in the trash bin. it’s so easy for you to recall things like when they first met, how cute they were during those first few months of dating, how you knew deep down that they would stay together for a long time.

you and akaashi lock eyes and there’s a small, sad smile on his face. you try not to think about the green, plastic ring that you had just thrown away, or the apartment key that you could no longer used after akaashi moved out, or the fact that you haven’t seen his old volleyball jacket in so long.

at the end of the reception, akaashi offers to wait with you outside while you hail a taxi home. before entering the car, he touches your wrist for a few seconds, eyes locking with yours.

“thank you for the wedding gift.”

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist):@montys-chaos @miyumtwins @strawberriimilkshake @pocubo @sugawara-sweetheart @akaashisbabydoll @laure-chan @therainroguefanfiction @atetiffdoesart @stephdaninja @oikaw-ugh @charliefredb @dramaqueenweeb1469 @tremblinghearts @applepienation @doodleniella @haikyuu-my-love @waitforitillwritemywayout @kattykurr @atsumusdomain @goodfoodxoxoxo @ah-kaashi @guardianangelswings @definitely-yours @amberalisa @whootwhoot @liz-multifandom-hotel @kac-chowsballs @procrastination-lady

#haikyuu!!#hq x reader #akaashi keiji #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi x reader #akaashi #haikyuu!! angst #hq!! angst #hq angst #haikyuu!! drabble #hq!! drabble #haikyuu!! one-shot #hq!! one-shot #haikyuu!! writing #hq!! writing #haikyuu!! imagine #hq!! imagine

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seijch · 3 years

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ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

#did i have an announcement tag #announcement #also regarding work hsjkdfsd the company i work for didnt give my location the opening for the full time position i wanted #my managers all agree id be promoted if we had it but we dont so i . hee .#anyway um i hope everyones doing well #some of my moots changed urls while i was away and now i have no idea who anyone is #its like when you see your familys friends and theyre like omg youre so big now! i remember when you were a baby and youre like 🧍‍♂️#and you have to play along bc apparently they remember you hskdfsd #im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence #consider this my comeback stage

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belovedrival · 3 years

Text

“It’s Jonas.”

It’s been almost six months but I did say I would talk about my experience, so here goes...

(It’s really long, I started this draft when Jonas was three months old)

I was told that I would be induced on March 10, a Wednesday. My due date was the 17th but baby had been measuring large for months so my doctor just wanted to go ahead with it. I agreed. We’d made it to 39 weeks and that was good. Plus, I felt huge and just...done with being pregnant.

I worked (from home) on the 10th. It felt sort of surreal, knowing that we’d be at the hospital at 5 pm that evening, but I knew I needed to work to keep my mind off what was coming. For a while, at least.

We’d started packing the hospital bags for weeks before. I’d left my suitcase open next to the bed and I’d throw things in there whenever I’d do laundry or think of something else I wanted to take. I sort of knew then that I was majorly overpacking (and in hindsight it’s laughable how much stuff I never wore/used) but at least we were prepared, right?

Yeah, about that...

Mister drove to the hospital. Since I was being induced, it wasn’t any frenetic, movie scene type, panicked dad experience. We just put our things in the car and drove there. On the way we talked about how strange it was, knowing that when we came home (God willing), there would be a baby in the car seat. Of course at that time we still didn’t know if our baby was a girl or boy.

(Mister told me later that he was almost certain baby was a boy. He said he’d heard too many nurses/medical personnel ‘slip’ while we were having ultrasounds and whatnot.)

People can choose to find out or not, but it puts a whole other dimension on the experience when you don’t know in advance. Just my two cents.

As we turned into the hospital parking lot, Mister told me to open the glove box. “There’s something for you in there,” he said. I opened it, trying to swallow the bowling ball that had lodged itself in my throat.

“Oh!” I said. “What I always wanted - an owner’s manual!”

When I’m nervous, I often joke.

There was a small white box next to the owner’s manual. In it was a necklace with an aquamarine pendant; one of the birthstones for March. Of course I cried.

We took an obligatory selfie before going inside the hospital. After getting checked in, we went to our room. I remember thinking that we’d only be in that room probably a day, and that 24 hours later, we’d be upstairs post delivery.

Ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

I was given a drug to start labor (not pitocin). I’ve always hated needles and so getting an IV was not part of my top 100,000 Things I Love to Do List. Thankfully, the nurse who put it in was really good, so I barely felt anything.

The one major memory of this whole experience (other than Jonas, of course) was how good the nurses were. I am forever grateful to them.

Other than the IV and monitors, Mister having to sleep on the sofa, and me laying on a hospital bed, we could almost trick ourselves into imagining we were staying at some sort of hotel. Almost. For a few hours, anyway.

Wednesday night into Thursday morning was okay. I was feeling persistent pain. It wasn’t terrible, just uncomfortable, and I knew that it was part of the process. I didn’t sleep great but I was able to get some rest.

Around six o’clock there was a shift change, and my nurse for the day came in. Liz had a kind of cheerleader vibe about her, very positive, and in some other circumstances I might’ve found her annoying. But I liked her.

My doctor came in a little after seven and broke my water. That experience was...weird. I mean, it was a new experience for me, so it’s hard to describe. Uh, water is wet, so it was wet? Honestly, the thing I remember the most is that there was some meconium after Doc broke my water, which worried me a little. Baby was doing fine and no one seemed super worried, so I set it aside. I DID think it meant I was guaranteed to have the baby that day. How wrong I was, and not for the first time...

They gave me pitocin after my water was broken. So my contractions increased. It felt more like strong period cramps to me. I should say at this point that I have a high pain tolerance. I don’t know what the same level of contractions would feel like to someone else. Sometimes I was only mildly aware that I was having them.

Probably one of the most annoying things about my entire experience Wednesday/Thursday/into Friday was not being allowed to eat anything. I had ice chips, and water, and Liz managed to get me some Jello. This was actually something of an issue, because I had gestational diabetes, so at first nobody wanted to give me anything except for sugar-free Jello. I did have some of that, but as the day wore on and there wasn’t much progress, Liz talked to somebody and got me some regular Jello. I would’ve preferred something else, but Jello was what I was allowed, so Jello I got.

I...don’t really like Jello. Seriously, like if it’s the only thing, I’ll eat it, but...yeah.

The hours ticked by. Progress was slow. At first I looked forward to Liz and the other nurses coming in and checking me, but by late afternoon, it was clear that things were slooooooow. The best part of Thursday was sometime in the afternoon Liz suggested bouncing on the ball. I was really happy to get out of bed and bounce for a while. After doing that, I decided it was time for the epidural.

I’d decided beforehand I wanted an epidural. As I said, I absolutely hate needles, but I also didn’t want my body to be so stressed that labor couldn’t progress. In the back of my mind, I also thought that if the situation changed, and a c-section became necessary, the epidural would already be in place.

After the epidural was put in, I started shaking on the edge of the bed, tears rolling down my face. Liz was still holding on to me, and Mister was there, and they both asked what was wrong. I couldn’t speak for a minute. It felt a little like I was five years old, still terrified of that darn needle, and all the tension I’d suppressed had to get out somehow.

“It’s okay,” Liz said, giving me a hug. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed. I was sorry to see her go when her shift ended. She said she was working again on Saturday and that she’d stop by to see us after the baby was born, to see what we were having. (She did stop by.)

This was a constant refrain from most of the nurses: upon first coming into the room, and looking at the white board that had my information and seeing next to “Baby” was written “Surprise!!” we inevitably got the question, “You don’t know what you’re having? That’s awesome!”

Getting the epidural made the pain diminish, but it also made things more complicated for me because I couldn’t move. Overnight, a tag team of nurses turned me one way and the other, and checked me.

(I should also mention that all of the staff at the hospital had already been vaccinated, and they all wore masks into the rooms. We did not have to wear masks in the room, but if we went outside it, they were required.)

By Thursday night, both Mister and I were feeling rather discouraged. All day Thursday we’d been told that baby would come “by the afternoon”, then “by the evening”, and then late Thursday, “by Friday morning”. Bear in mind that I’d been on an IV/ induced since roughly six pm on Wednesday.

Maybe this sounds laughable to people who’ve had 72 hour long labors, but I’d been mentally prepared for around 24 hours of labor. My twin sister had been induced with her first, and her labor had gone about that long. Around midnight on Thursday I was feeling pretty discouraged. Mister wasn’t angry but he said (when we were alone) that he felt like the staff had been overly optimistic. I just don’t think either of us had thought about the implications of me being induced without any sign of active labor. In hindsight, I was glad it was done then, but...yeah. Not being mentally prepared for that long of a labor was hard. I felt bad for everyone who was waiting on updates; it felt like literally nothing happened for about thirty hours. Like I think was dilated to five by Friday morning. And effaced? Practically nothing. My cervix wasn’t getting thinner at all.

Early Friday morning, a new nurse started her shift. My first impressions of Diana were...well, I thought, “she’s definitely not as friendly as Liz.” She was more brusque. As I hadn’t slept much Thursday night, and having been in the same situation for over a day, I didn’t care nearly as much about making friends. By that point I was tired - physically, mentally, emotionally.

But Diana was awesome. She got me turned onto my hands and knees, and had me start doing some vigorous exercises, to really move labor along. I was fine with doing whatever she said because I was REALLY ready to be done. So it felt a little like my cross country days in high school, at the finish of a difficult race. I was tired, I wasn’t sure how much I could do physically, but we had a GOAL and dammit, we were going to do everything to get there!

By late morning, even after the exercises, I was still dilated at a five. Hardly effaced at all. After checking me again, Diana left the room. The option of a c-section had been discussed, especially since it was over 24 hours since my water had been broken.

“I think I’m done,” I said to Mister. Even though I’d never really been 100% ‘I want a natural birth experience’, it felt a little like giving up. I started crying again. “I just don’t think this [natural labor] is going to work. I’m done.”

“If you’re done, that’s it,” Mister said. “Tell Diana you want a c-section.”

I have to say something here about Mister. Even though he kept saying he didn’t know what he was doing or how he should support me, he was AWESOME. He supported every decision, and listened to me talk about the different options. For as hard as labor was for me, I think he had a different hard time. All he could do was literally sit there and watch me go through pain and doubt and fear, and comfort me as best he could. He was a great comfort.

(This is why even if thoughtful partners don’t think they’re doing a good job at supporting laboring moms, they most likely are. Their presence is invaluable. For anyone who doesn’t have a supportive partner with them, or an absent one, my profound condolences.)

When Diana came back in, I told her I wanted a c-section. This was around 11 o’clock Friday morning, March 12th. “I agree,” she said right away, patting me on the shoulder. “You’ve done everything you possibly can to get this baby delivered naturally. I trust mom’s instincts on this.”

Her support meant so much. Really, when a veteran nurse says they trust your instinct, how can you not feel better about your decision?

She left to contact my doctor and several other people, and Mister let people know what was going on. At that point I was more relieved that soon it would be over. I wanted to see our baby.

Mister said later that he learned that hospitals have two speeds: 1) we’re in no rush; and 2) something is going to happen NOW. While my c-section wasn’t an emergency, once the decision was made, things did happen fast. Diana brought the anesthesiologist into the room so he could numb me up. As I already had the epidural, this didn’t take very long. After a few minutes of letting the medication work, Bryce asked if I could feel my toes.

“No,” I said. It was weird. I knew I shouldn’t feel them, but I couldn’t help saying, “I’m trying to wiggle them!”

“No, no, it’s good you can’t feel them,” both Bryce and Mister said. I was wheeled out of the labor room a few minutes after that (I was not sorry to leave it) and taken to the OR. Mister went with someone else to take our stuff to the recovery room.

I’ve been in operating rooms before. They aren’t places that make me want to stay there. Bright lights, metal everywhere, many thoughts of what could go wrong...although I will say that all the staff in the OR made me feel confident. I was glad to see my doctor.

I felt better once I was in the OR (the only time in my life I’ve ever felt that way) but it felt like a long time until Mister arrived in there. He’d gone with a member of staff as they took all our stuff to a recovery room, then been taken to the OR. Once he was in place, everything started.

Doctor M had asked me before Mister arrived if he wanted to ‘announce’ was the baby was. I told her that he most likely would, but to ask him. She did, and he said yes, he’d love to do that.

There was a blue sheet in front of me so I really couldn’t see anything that went on - which was PERFECTLY FINE with me.

Obviously, I was flat on my back, and everything below my chest was numb. The doctor and others asked me at various times if I felt anything, and I didn’t (other than tugging and pulling). At one point, I suddenly smelled the unmistakable scent of something burning. “What is that? That burning smell?” I asked, glancing above me (really, behind me) at Bryce, who stood there.

“I’ll tell you later,” he said.

Which immediately told me I didn’t want to know what it was.

Yeah, it was me burning, while the medical staff cauterized me, keeping me from bleeding to death.

(The fact that cesarean sections are major surgery, and regularly happen every day in the United States, is, frankly, a miracle. Everyone hears about the horror stories when something goes wrong, but considering the number of women who go through them without incident, we as a society completely take them for granted.)

As the tugging and pulling continued, and Doctor M said things like, “there’s the head”, the sense of anticipation increased. I’ve never felt anything like it before. Both Mister and I knew any moment we would meet our baby, and after waiting 39 weeks (and eight years before that), it was almost unbearable.

Doctor M said, “Here’s the baby!”

I heard a slight cry, and I looked up at Mister, who sat on my right, holding my hand. He looked down at me and said, “It’s Jonas.”

Even thinking about that moment now brings tears to my eyes. In knowing Mister almost eleven years, I’ve only seen him cry maybe five times. Including this year, on March 12th. We both were bawling, and laughing at the same time, as Jonas VERY loudly screamed his disapproval at being evicted from his warm, cozy space. At one point, Mister, laughing as he cried said, “One of the ---s (our last name) needs to stop crying in here!”

He has a rather husky cry, Jonas does. I loved his cry from the moment I first heard it (though I don’t actually like to hear him cry, if that makes any sense).

As I was sewn up, Mister moved his chair over to where our baby was, under a heat lamp. Then he brought Jonas over to me. My first thought was, he’s HUGE. My second thought was, he was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen.

He weighed nine pounds, five ounces at birth, and had a fifteen inch head circumference. After I heard that, I knew a natural birth was never going to happen. He was born on Friday the 12th of March, at 1:14 pm. The digital clock on the wall said 13:14, which I thought was cool. And it made it a bit easier to remember the time :)

He had lots of dark hair, which I loved. My sister’s had bald babies, so it was nice to have a different-looking kid. Over the last few months, his hair almost entirely disappeared due to cradle cap, and is coming back in...blond. Genetics!

I can say now that it’s past, that I was more afraid during pregnancy than I could admit to anyone, even Mister. I have always been a worrier, and finally being pregnant after so many years, and being high risk due to my age (and my shunt, and the gestational diabetes...) I was in almost constant worry of something going wrong. First of miscarriage (no one needed to tell me of the statistics regarding older mothers), then of stillbirth, like the cord getting wrapped around baby’s neck, and death happening before delivery could happen. I have heard of at least two different stories of that happening to pregnant women in the ninth month - friends of friends of mine - and the fear of that, or something else equally catastrophic happening was, at times, almost crippling. I would’ve preferred to have never been pregnant at all rather than suffer a miscarriage or stillbirth.

Perhaps it sounds childish, but mentally I didn’t think I was strong enough to have the dream of motherhood dashed, when every day of pregnancy brought that dream closer. I was (and still am) too much of a realist to ignore the statistics; I couldn’t pretend I was 22 and have a blissfully ignorant uneventful pregnancy. To this day, even after giving birth to a healthy baby, one of the biggest things that will set me off is the assumption that way too many people have. “We’re planning on getting pregnant soon.” “Just have kids, you’ll understand.” “I can take you out and make one just like you.” [a redneck phrase I’ve heard being said to a misbehaving child]

Not many of us can “plan” on getting pregnant exactly when we want to - or even within a year’s time. Not all of us can “just have kids” - they’re not like going to the store and getting a gallon of milk. (I recognize the privilege of living in a society where going to the store and expecting fresh milk can also sound arrogant to those who don’t live in one.) ‘Take out’ a kid (even said in jest), and ‘make another one’? I MIGHT have another child in the next couple years. More likely, I won’t. Not all of us can just get pregnant at the drop of a hat. (That’s assuming the one wanting to get pregnant even has a male partner or sperm donor at the ready...some never find that person to have a child with. And adoption can be a great thing, but not everyone is cut out for it. Shaming infertile and childless people for not wanting to adopt is disgusting.)

I was open with my OB-GYN about my fears during pregnancy and she referred me to several resources, and monitored me for PPD. My best friend’s son died in March 2020, a year before Jonas was born (though Billy had severe disabilities which made his death a certain thing), and my sister had had a stillborn son in August 2019 (my nephew Christian). So Jonas being born healthy was a huge relief for me. I can’t really describe the relief, except to say that as much physical weight I gained during pregnancy, letting go of the weight of the worry was felt even more deeply than losing the pounds since his birth (and I’ve haven’t lost all of that).

I will probably always worry about *something*, when it comes to Jonas. He gave me a scare earlier this week, rolling off the couch before I could catch him. He’s fine...and the incident scared me more than it scared him. But every day since he was born is a reminder of the gift he is, and I hope I never lose sight of that, even on the frustrating days (and there have been those over the last almost six months, and there will be more to come).

If you ever wanted children, and are fortunate enough to have them, cherish them. Be grateful for them, even when they drive you up the wall. Even when you only want three minutes’ peace, and they won’t give it to you. Love them anyway. I try to.

#this was heavier than i thought it would be #don't get me wrong #i had a good experience overall #nurses are awesome #nurses #hospital #birth #birthday #march 12 #jonas #2021 #life #real life #family #me and mister #mister #he's great #pregnancy #parenthood

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goosewhisker · 3 years

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russetfur vs. the entirety of skyclan || ch. 3

read this on ao3 || read this on fanfiction.net

chapter one

chapter two

summary: After enduring months of Turtlekit and Kitekit’s abuse, Rootkit finally snaps and accidentally awakens his powers. This has the unfortunate side effect of reviving the ghost of an angry Shadowclan warrior who: 1) is personally offended by Skyclan’s existence, and 2) has magnanimously taken it upon herself to relieve the world of that burden. Or something

okay so its been a minute since i posted. a lot of things happened, i got a kitten, a job, a new fandom, and i speedran a full semester of calculus in like the past four weeks. im sorry about how late this is and i cant promise when the next one will be up but its half written already so uh hope springs eternal. anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk

also shoutout to @turquoise-tulip for reminding me that ive had this chapter in my drafts for half a year now this ones for you im sorry its so stupid

Chapter Three: In Which Rootkit Practices the Art of Blackmail

The morning after is quiet.

...is what Rootkit would like to say. Actually, he gets woken up by Tree at what his mom likes to call 'the butt-crack of dawn' to go talk to Leafstar, thereby ruining his chances of being a normal warrior forever.

When they get to the leader's den, Violetshine is already there. Rootkit discovers this by walking into her while his eyes are closed in the middle of a yawn.

"See, he's about to fall asleep on his paws," his mom points out, sounding pretty close to yawning herself. "It's too early for this. Morning, kid."

Rootkit mumbles something that's unintelligible even to himself and falls asleep on his mother's paws. A few minutes later, he's woken by gentle paws on his back.

"Hey, kid. Kiddo. You gotta get up."

Rootkit hums absently, still mostly asleep, before realizing abruptly where he is. Mouse dung! Suddenly, he's completely awake. He jerks his head up, almost colliding with Tree's jaw before he pulls out of the way. Rootkit, too busy panicking, doesn't notice. He just fell asleep in Leafstar's den! After she'd brought him over to talk specifically to him! After seeing this humiliating display of incompetence, she'll really never make him a warrior, and Kitekit and Turtlekit will-

"Rootkit." The single word cuts through the panic. Rootkit looks up to see Leafstar, looking very serious with only a hint of amusement seeping through. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes!" The answer bursts out of him before he really thinks it through. And, well, it's not entirely true, but it's not entirely untrue either. Either way, he's up for answering any questions, which is probably what she's asking.

Leafstar looks at him just long enough for him to start fidgeting before she begins. "I've already spoken to your parents, Rootkit, so I know most of the story. I just need to know your side. What happened yesterday with the ghost?"

Rootkit looks at his paws, then back to Leafstar's calming gaze. "It started when I was at the grave. I was just- just talking, and then Kitekit found me..."

He tells her the whole, stupid story. How he'd lost it at Kitekit and Turtlekit and turned around to find a ghost looming over him; how he'd asked Tree for help, only for her to disappear; how she'd attacked him and Tree, announced her intentions, and vanished. At last, the story runs dry and he falls silent to watch her expression change.

Leafstar hums thoughtfully. She turns to Tree. "Do you think she's likely to hurt someone?"

Tree shrugs, looking uncomfortable. "If she's serious, yes. Most ghosts can't touch the living. Those who can - like this one - usually died violently or thinking they were wronged. And angry ghosts tend to be... volatile."

"Ah." Leafstar considers this.

"If it comes to that, what'll you do?" Violetshine asks. "Will you be able to stop her?"

Rootkit watches Tree watch his mom, and something in his dad's eyes soften. He leans over to swipe a tongue over her ear. "You want to help her, don't you?" he says quietly. "Because she's Shadowclan?"

Violetshine flushes, but she doesn't back down. "Many of them weren't kind to me," she says, "But Shadowclan was still my home once. I can't just forget that."

Tree purrs and winds his tail with hers. "That's why I love you," he whispers.

Rootkit sticks his tongue out in disgust. Bleh. Grownups!

"To answer your question," Tree adds, "I don't know what I'll do. I suppose-" he pauses, eyes tight with worry. "I've never exorcised a ghost who didn't want to move on before. I don't know if I even can. This may be something of an experiment."

The grownups look at each other for a long moment. "I will do whatever it takes to keep my clan safe," Leafstar says. There's something like a warning in her voice that makes Rootkit shiver.

"What should I do?" he asks. All three adults look at him like they've forgotten he's there.

After a moment, Leafstar's face breaks into a smile. "Tell you what. You can help by keeping an eye out for this Russetfur and letting one of us know when she's nearby. But listen, Rootkit," and her voice goes stern. "You must stay away from her. Russetfur is dangerous, and she may hurt you to get what she wants. Do you understand me, Rootkit?"

Rootkit looks into Leafstar's amber eyes - warm and worried and burning with a fierce, protective fire - and knows what he has to do. "I understand, Leafstar," he says, and just like that, his mission clicks into place.

From somewhere else in the camp - probably the warriors' den - someone screams, followed by Russetfur's haunting cackles.

Rootkit ignores it.

As he double checks his supplies, Rootkit runs through a mental checklist. He's talked to the ghost - check. He's figured out what she wants - check. He's given her what she wants - well... no. Tree's three-step-plan hadn't exactly accounted for what happened if what the ghost wanted was unobtainable.

Well, it doesn't really matter now. This plan is sure to work.

"Are you sure this is gonna work," Needlekit says again.

"Yes, I am, Starclan above will you stop nagging me," Rootkit says.

His sister makes a disgruntled noise and hauls the next bramble into place with a particularly vicious tug. "I'm just concerned you have no idea what you're doing, is all."

"I know exactly what I'm doing."

Rootkit doesn't have any idea what he's doing.

"Hmm." Needlekit seems thoroughly unconvinced, but she gets on with the task anyway. The trailing brambles she's weaving into place will form a turtle-shell-shaped cage laced with warding herbs over the grave when they're done. The plan is more or less to summon Russetfur into a cage she can't phase through, leaving her unable to escape. In Rootkit's opinion, it's a pretty solid plan for someone who has no idea what he's doing. "Why're you so set on doing this, anyway? Didn't Leafstar tell you not to mess with Gingerpelt?"

"Russetfur," Rootkit corrects her automatically. "And, well, yes, but..." he hesitates. "It's just... you know. I was the one who set her free in the first place, and..."

"Yes?" Needlekit prompts him. She's given up on the brambles and moved to stuffing moss and bracken into the gaps.

Rootkit fidgets uncomfortably for a second before the truth bursts out of him. "And now Russetfur's running wild everywhere and it's all my fault, and what if Leafstar decides not to make me an apprentice? If I don't become an apprentice, I can't be a warrior! And if I can't be a warrior-" he cuts himself off. He can't repeat what Kitekit and Turtlekit had said; even saying the words aloud seems like tempting fate... and he can't burden Needlekit with that, anyway.

Needlekit looks at him, though, and her gaze goes soft. "And being a warrior is your dream," she says, and starts stuffing the gaps with renewed vigor. "Well, come on, then! If we can trap Scarletfuzz then Leafstar will have to make us both apprentices! I can't be an apprentice without you; then I'd have to share the den with just Kitekit and Turtlekit. Can you imagine?" She pulls a disgusted face that has Rootkit giggling despite himself.

"Alright, alright," he says. "While you're doing that..." He shoves aside the piles of bracken they'd collected and settles down on the dirt. In his stories, Tree had never really talked about summoning ghosts - his work had been more about getting them to leave - but Rootkit is pretty confident about his ability to summon her again if necessary. More importantly, one or two of his stories had been about things the average, non-ghost-seeing cat could do to ward off spirits.

Rootkit spreads out his supplies, most of which had been scavenged from the medicine cats through a combination of tag-teaming and white lies. The herbs really are going to help his mom, just not in the way Fidgetflake thinks.

Thistledown. Rosemary. Lavender. Thyme. All plants that either attract or repel spirits, according to Tree (from what Rootkit can remember, anyway). Plus a lot of spiderweb.

"Hey, are you sure that's right?" Needlekit asks, leaning over his shoulder. "I thought we were gonna get some sage. And why'd you pick up the thistle?"

Rootkit frowns. "Well, Fidgetflake was coming back too soon and I panicked, alright? If you've got a problem you can get some more yourself."

Needlekit snickers and prods the massive pile of spiderwebs. "No thanks. I think you could've gotten a little more spiderweb, Frecklewish might still have some left over... yeesh, alright, I'll leave off the sarcasm. You don't have to glare at me."

Rootkit rolls his eyes. The immaturity of some cats. "Maybe I went a little overboard, but we need it. Frecklewish can just send the 'paws out to find some more. Now help me apply it; we need to cover the entire cage so there's no chance of getting out."

It's the work of a few minutes to paste it over with cobwebs, and the work of a few more to weave in all the protecting herbs. With luck, they'll prevent her from just phasing through. By the time they're done, it's so dense that a living cat would find it impossible to escape; Rootkit can only hope that the same goes for a dead one.

"Alright, fire 'er up!" Needlekit commands.

Rootkit closes his eyes to focus, trying to recall the feeling of power rushing through his being. Once, Tree had told them of a time when he'd jumped onto a wire fence and been struck by something he'd called electricity- what lightning is made of, apparently. Rootkit imagines it feels something like that.

The power lying dormant in his veins leaps forth eagerly at his call. It swells like a crescendo of sound, rushing out through his paws into the ground.

Rootkit focuses on the grave with every fiber of his being and wills it to summon its spirit. "Russetfur!" he cries out.

For a moment, nothing happens.

Then, something shifts.

It's like a hole is briefly torn through space; instinctively, Rootkit reaches in, grabs something, and drags it through.

Beside him, Needlekit gasps. "What the heck was that?"

But her voice is wavy, distorted. Rootkit opens an eye and finds his world is tilted sideways. Needlekit makes a high pitched noise that scrapes its claws across the most inner parts of Rootkit's ears.

"M'fine," Rootkit mumbles. His words are slurred, he realizes distantly, because half his face is pressed into the dirt.

Needlekit jabs him. "This is no time for sleeping, Rootkit. Did it work?"

Rootkit blinks. For a moment, he has absolutely no idea what she's talking about; then, the memories start to flood back. He narrows his eyes, remembering the feeling of hooking a soul on his clawtips like a fish. "I think-"

He's interrupted by an infuriated caterwaul that drowns out whatever he was going to say.

"What is this?"

The cage shakes as its captive throws her entire weight against the wall, but it holds steady. The herbs have done their job; even a ghost can't pass through.

Needlekit laughs triumphantly. "It's bad kitty jail for bad kitties!"

Russetfur snarls back something absolutely obscene and proceeds to attack the inside of the cage with a ferocious determination. At least, Rootkit thinks she is; it's kind of hard to tell since they can't actually see her.

"Can she get out?" Rootkit wonders.

"No," Needlekit says at the same time Russetfur snaps, "You bet your kittypet hide I will."

Rootkit blinks.

"Literally," Russetfur adds. "Because I'll strip it off your back to line my nest."

"Oh." Rootkit drops his head back on the ground. The dirt here is very comfy, he realizes. Maybe he should just sleep here from now on. "Yeah. That was kind of unclear."

"It'll become very clear in a few minutes, runt. I'll even give you a demonstration."

Needlekit leans against the cage with a smirk that probably would have been infuriating, if Russetfur could actually see it. "Don't worry, Redpelt, you're clear as crystal."

Rootkit freezes. Even the scraping sounds coming from inside the cage cut off. "What was that," Russetfur says suspiciously. "Did you just-"

"Keep your spirits up," Needlekit says. "I'm sure you'll be back to your old haunting grounds in no time."

Rootkit tries to slam his head into the ground and discovers that it's really much harder to do when you're already lying on it.

Russetfur doesn't say anything.

"What's wrong, ghostie? You're as silent as the dead in there."

Then a translucent ear rises out of the ground right next to Rootkit's face and he screams loud enough to be heard halfway to Riverclan, probably, and scrambles out of the way. Needlekit screams, too, and then Russetfur is climbing out of the ground like a corpse emerging from its grave.

She shakes herself off and grins down at them with more teeth than a cat should rightfully have. "You forgot to ward the bottom," she says. Rootkit makes a very small sound that definitely qualifies as a whimper. "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."

All the fur on Needlekit's body has bushed out so she looks twice her size - which, compared to the full-grown warrior before them, is almost nothing. She's shaking like a leaf, but undaunted, she spits at Russetfur's feet. "Drop dead!"

Rootkit could kill her.

In a blur of movement, Russetfur pins Needlekit to the cage wall with one paw. "I admire your spirit, kit," she hisses. "But if you want to sass me, you're digging your own grave."

That's it. Rootkit has had enough. That is the final stars-damned straw. "Shut up with the stupid ghost puns, I swear to Starclan," Rootkit screams.

The wind rustles gently in the treetops as the two she-cats stare at him.

"The next person to make a single stars-cursed ghost pun, I am going to snap your fleabitten neck. Is that clear?"

Needlekit makes a stifled noise muted by the heavy paw slowly crushing her windpipe.

"Ah." Russetfur looks to be considering it. "Would you say we're dead m-"

Rootkit makes a very aggressive series of throat-slitting gestures.

"...you've got your father's spirit in you, I see."

"I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it," Rootkit snarls.

That gets her attention. Russetfur's eyes widen, then narrow. "Oh?" Her voice is considerably less friendly.

This is where it gets tricky. Rootkit's at a disadvantage - he's just seriously ticked off a relatively powerful ghost with a grudge against his relatively powerless clan, she's got his sister by the throat, and his only bargaining chip is a bluff. But there's an opportunity somewhere here; he just has to navigate a very prickly, very dangerous minefield and pray he doesn't blow them all up.

Time to channel his inner Tree. "Look," Rootkit says, in his best diplomat voice. "Clearly, we both want something here, something that we can provide for each other. What do you say we make a deal?"

Russetfur narrows her eyes and tightens her grip on Needlekit. "I don't think you're in a position to bargain, here," she says.

"On the contrary." Rootkit raises a paw. "I am in every position to offer a deal... as you just experienced yourself."

Russetfur scoffs. "What could you possibly have to offer me?"

"Your life."

That gives her pause. "If you could exorcise me, you'd have done it already."

Rootkit gives his best imitation of her knife-sharp smile and proceeds to lie through his teeth. "What do you think we were doing just now?"

The ghost narrows her eyes and says nothing.

Rootkit seizes his opportunity and plows onward. "You don't want to be exorcised, and we don't want you in our camp. So here's the deal - you leave and we don't follow." The last few words are growled out, like Leafstar whenever someone threatens the clan.

It's very intimidating, in his opinion, but it doesn't seem to have an effect in Russetfur. If anything, it only seems to make her angrier. "I won't sacrifice my honor as a Shadowclan cat to run from a bunch of kittypets," Russetfur snarls, leaning closer. "Even if you kill me again, I'd sooner die fighting for my clan than kowtow to some coddled housepets."

Rootkit grits his teeth. She hasn't called his bluff, but they can't have her running loose and hurting people. Think, Rootkit! "Another deal, then," he says. "If you won't leave the camp, then you just can't hurt anybody."

"No deal," Russetfur snaps.

"That's the final offer," Rootkit says coldly. "Under no circumstances are you allowed to hurt or injure any Skyclan cats. I'm not going to compromise on that point. And you can't really afford to bargain, anyway," he adds with a shrug. His heart is pounding so loudly he's almost sure Russetfur can hear it. "If you don't, I'll just summon you into the cage again and exorcise you for good. Or who knows? Maybe we'll leave you in there for a while. And this time we'll cover the bottom." He finishes with the nastiest, most hateful smile he can muster - which isn't particularly difficult, right now.

Russetfur goes silent. He can practically hear the gears in her brain ticking as she weighs her options. There's clearly only one real option here; he just hopes she isn't too prideful to take it.

"Fine," Russetfur growls, voice so low he has to strain to hear it. "Fine. I agree to your terms." The hatred seeping from her voice is almost palpable.

Well, the feeling is absolutely mutual. Rootkit dips into a little bow and bares his fangs in a farce of a smile. "Pleasure doing business with you."

Russetfur disappears into the air, leaving Needlekit to slump to the ground, wheezing. Rootkit waits until he's certain the ghost is gone before sinking onto the ground himself, body shaking with all the fear he couldn't allow himself to show before. Holy crap.

"Are you," Needlekit begins, then cuts herself off with a raucous bout of coughs that makes him wince. "Are you... okay?" she whispers hoarsely.

Rootkit makes a high-pitched, keening noise before breaking into nervous laughter. "No, no, not even a little bit. Oh, Starclan, I can't believe I'm alive, I thought she was going to kill us both. Oh stars..." he trails off with a giggle and buries his face in the dirt.

They lie there for a couple minutes, the silence broken only by Needlekit's wheezing and Rootkit's trembling.

"I want Mom and Dad," Needlekit whispers.

Rootkit couldn't agree more.

#warrior cats #warriors fanfiction #wc #wc fanfiction #warriors #rootspring #needleclaw #russetfur #tree #leafstar #violetshine #now that the general premise is done #everything from here on out is stupid ghost shenanigans #you know #if i ever get around to writing them

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mychemicalaromanticism · 3 years

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things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

#cat talks #lore #ok2rb but what a mess this post is

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unironicpeaches · 4 years

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in honour of pride month i wanted to share my ‘coming out’ story that i forgot i had (and it’s not a nice one) ;

so when i was about 13 i came out to my mum as a bisexual. admittedly, this was a weird time for me & i was kind of a mess but i knew that i was in fact bisexual. though my mum (whom i love dearly and have a really good relationship with) disregarded this as me ‘going through a phase’ and kind of suggested that i was confused. i didn’t really think about this and only recently when i find myself questioning my sexuality did i rethink my ‘coming out’; which i only put in inverted commas because i kind of don’t count this and essentially forgot about.

so first of all i’ll explain my life at the time of my ‘coming out’. i had three close friends at the time (this group of friends were very toxic and the friendship didn’t end well but that wasn’t until i was 14ish). one of these friends i was really close with, i just clicked and felt this connection with her; we had a lot of the same interests, same humour and similar personalities. i thought me and this friend had a connection that we couldn’t ignore and i essentially developed feelings for her. me being the confused teenager just assumed that she felt the same way, which i now realise was never true.

the night before my ‘coming out’ i was texting my friend for the entire night (although this texting wasn’t as easy as you’d think due to me being on holiday at the time and actually sharing a room with my sister (who was 10 at the time)), eventually i told her my feelings and essentially came out to her as bisexual. i proclaimed my love for her and to my surprise she told me she felt the same way. i was over the moon. we both came out to our wider group of friends the next day, well i did anyway. she essentially set me up to come out at a time in which i was still coming to terms about it (which admittedly im still in), but she pushed me to do something i wasn’t 100% okay with doing; yet the idea that we could possibly be together was too much to bargain with at that point in time. at this point in time i know that this friend used me and manipulated me into thinking and feeling things (but obviously not my sexuality just to make that clear).

the day of my ‘coming out’, both my sister and my dad were going swimming but due to a serious operation i had, i was stuck inside with my mum. i had decided in my mind that i needed to tell my family at that moment in time, and with the support of my friend i decided to start with my sister. i went up to her in our shared room and simply stated ‘i need to tell you something really important’ to which she immediately ran to my parents and said that i had something important to announce. i should make it clear at this point that my sister and i do not get on, we both suffer a lot with our mental health and due to very different childhoods as well as personalities we never clicked. this ‘news’ that i had made my parents very giddy and neither would stop bugging me to tell them. eventually my sister and dad left to go swimming, leaving my mum and i sitting on the sofa. my mum asked me repeatedly ‘what’s wrong?’ & ‘what’s so important that you need to tell us?’ (which i now just believe was out of concern). i kept attempting to tell my mum but the words couldn’t physically come out. as cliché as it sounds, time did genuinely seem to freeze when i managed to say the words ‘im bisexual’ aloud to my mum.

the moment the words ‘im bisexual’ came out my mouth my mum immediately disregarded it and told me that i was ‘confused’ and that i was ‘too young to know’. this negative feedback is the reasoning for me closing off my sexuality to everyone and still to this day am not open with my sexuality to any of my closest friends. i immediately got told that my sexuality and feelings towards women was ‘just a phase’ and that ‘my cousin went through the exact same thing at my age’; i was traumatised, although accepted everything my mum said and got on with our day after making mum to promise to ‘not tell dad’ (which i still don’t actually know whether my mum ever did). just like that the biggest moment of my life was demeaned and i believed that it wasn’t true and that i was ‘confused’.

after that weird moment nothing really ever came up again about it with my family. but at school the ‘news’ got out and i had questions left, right and centre which i just denied because i wasn’t ready for everybody to know. to my knowledge, my mum still disbelieves me and just doesn’t think anything of it.

but a little life update; i wrote this post last year and it just stayed in my drafts. ive got the most supportive friendship group; i came out to them all on new years eve (admittedly i was drunk but was deadly serious). im happy with my sexuality and am content with my love for women. i have had a few moments of questioning whether i actually liked men at all - and although it’s a very small percentage; i now fully understand that being bi isn’t just 50/50.

so, what is my message here?

my message is; don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t be anything, or that you can’t have those feelings. you are who you are. that can’t change.

i guess another message would be; come out when you’re ready, don’t rely on someone else to ‘come out with you’ and DEFINITELY don’t let anyone manipulate you into coming out when you’re in no way ready for it.

HAPPY PRIDE PEOPLE! STAY SAFE!

#personal #pride month #pride #lgbtpride #bisexual #bisexuality #bisexual pride #coming out #coming out story

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lonelyhearteds-a · 4 years

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hi .

okay , ive literally been sitting on this for actual months now because i realize there are more important things going on in the world right now , but im at my own personal breaking point and i’ve realized that i need a space to get everything off my chest and this is as good as it gets since i can’t afford therapy so ,, here goes nothing .

tl;dr. tw : drugs , mentions of suicide , overall negativity

so , we’re gonna ignore january and february issues because honestly .... i don’t recognize those months as canon . anyways , i’ve been off of tumblr since the pandemic started in america in march . i lost my job , and i’ve had to use my personal time in order to keep getting something in my bank account , but i was making that + unemployment for a few weeks . everything was fine , truthfully and utterly i was making enough just off of unemployment despite the fact it took 3 weeks to even be processed . then everything hit the fan and it flew everywhere . my mom relapsed in mid-april and she relapsed hard , but me pretending it’s just her illnesses went about my business and decided to ignore it until it exploded in my face . i’m not going into too much detail about it , but with everything she’s done since april we’ve now got a really broken and fractured relationship . it’s taken me nearly fourteen years to realize the amount of sheer trauma she’s put me through ; mentally , physically and emotionally . then , we were almost evicted because she didn’t pay rent for two months - so i had to use my entire stimulus check just to catch up on rent and the mortgage payments . then , i went back to work in may just to process shipping orders . again , was fine for the most part , however i wasn’t making as much and what i had saved my mom found a way to guilt me to spend it . this went on all of may , living paycheck to paycheck . june week one came along and my mom overdosed . this was one of the worst experiences of my life ; it was re-opening week ( apparently clothing is essential during a pandemic ) , my mom was acting like she had no common sense ( destroying the house , not feeing the animals , not taking care of herself , LOSING MY CAT , locking the dogs in the car in 100 degree heat , calling me names i dont even want to repeat .. amongst other situations ), and i didn’t eat . for a week . i was sick to my stomach with stress and exhaustion , living off of literally 5 hours of sleep between friday and thursday when i finally got help from my family after begging them to help me send her to a psych ward for two weeks . she called me every single day and we’d argue every single day . when she was released , it was as if nothing’s changed . she said she was gonna change , but she hasn’t . she walks around with a rain cloud above her head and if i don’t give her money , she guilts me into doing it . so on so fourth . we argue almost everyday about something , whether it’s money or my attitude somehow making her life worse . i asked her one day if she’s ever going to be happy and she flat out told me no . there’s so much more going on with her but if i posted it all i might as well write a book . i’ve never wanted to kill myself more than i do everyday so far this month .

now , july , i’ve recognized i can’t keep living like this . my company has filed for bankruptcy and is closing more than 1200 stores and we don’t know which ones are closing and which ones are remaining opened yet , but if my store closes i have no money to fall back on until i find a new job . i have no money for groceries or pet food , and i don’t have enough to pay all of the bills . my mom over drafted one of my accounts and now i have to pay that back with my next paycheck which means i’m losing $110 automatically when i get paid next .

i’m honestly just exhausted ? like . i’m twenty-three years old and i literally have no will to live because of this woman and the shit she’s put me through . i was not planning on making it to my birthday this year and i was definitely not planning on making it to august . i don’t know . to be frank , i don’t have the energy to care about anything anymore and my anxiety keeps telling my some of my closest friends are over me when there’s no reason for me to even believe that . i’m seeing them all next year at different times and i know they’re excited to see me but i sat here the other day just questioning if that’s even real . i don’t have any friends in the town i live in ; i don’t go out and do things because of corona and if i do , my mom forces herself along . if i buy myself something i have to buy her something or it turns into an argument and an all around guilt trip .

i’m trying so hard to save enough so i can move out , but .. it’s almost impossible at this point . and i don’t know what to do . i work full time ; there is no reason i should have to consider getting another part time job just to survive . i shouldn’t have had to to parent my parent and sacrifice so much of my life . i shouldn’t be this mentally fucked up , but here i am , once again , crying over spilled tea .

anyways , if you read all the way through , i don’t know when i’m returning to tumblr , but when i do i am still going to be moving blogs . nonetheless , i’m on d*scord ( ♡ kezrah fan club president ♡#9812 ) and i’ve been doing more rp things on there if anyone wants to talk or do things again ( im always game for a welcomed distraction , even if it takes me a minute to reply ) ; i still , for the most part , have the same muses that are listed on my page . love u all loads nd loads .

#tldr #long post tw #overall negativity tw #idk what else to tag

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

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808.

this is a survey I made in fucking 2013 lmao. god

i. it seems that the average survey-taker is a white american female, aged 15-19, who has a car, a cell phone, and an extensive social circle. is this true for you? >> This is hilarious because I was complaining about this recently. Some things never change, I guess... Anyway, obviously it is not true for me except for the American part (not that it does me any favours). I do have a phone, though. (I didn’t back when I made this survey; couldn’t afford one.)

ii. xanga, unlike a lot of sites, rarely changes its layout. do you like this, or do you think there should be more updates? what do you think they should add (or remove)? >> Well, this question didn’t age well.

iii. have you seen any silent films? >> I haven’t. I’m not sure I’d be able to enjoy a silent film, to be honest. I’ve seen bits of silent films in modern cinema (there was a bit of one in the Watchmen show’s pilot, for example, which is what I’m thinking of right now) and the whole concept just looks obnoxious to follow along with.

iv. would you rather be an actor, director, or soundtrack producer? >> I wouldn’t want to be in show business at all, but I guess if I really had to choose a place to be, I think being involved with the music would be cool.

v. what is your favourite hue of your favourite colour? >> Gold is my favourite colour, which is already a hue, as far as I can gather.

vi. have you seen nbc's 'hannibal'? thoughts? (if you haven't, do you want to?) >> Heh. I’m still pretty obsessed with Hannibal, but it was a lot more fun when it was current and this website was inundated with good content. And memes, can’t forget the hannilols.

vii. on websites where you're permitted to change your username, do you do so often, or do you keep the same one for long periods of time? >> I used to have chronic shapeshifter syndrome on the internet, but I’ve mostly settled down into a few “canon” usernames/handles. It just becomes a lot of work after a while, and I guess it just... stopped feeling so important, to switch things up all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a pretty malleable and mercurial identity, that’s just my nature -- but expressing every facet of that mercuriality on the internet has become less important. (Let’s see if that changes again in the next few years ;) as it goes)

viii. does your computer have a name? what is it? if not, what is your desktop wallpaper? >> Heh, this is definitely a “me” question. The computer I’m on right now is named Dorian Gray, and my gaming rig is named Azathoth.

ix. do you consider yourself an activist, or a supporter of any social-justice causes? why or why not? >> Nope. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just not compassionate enough. Maybe I’ve got some dead brain matter. I don’t know why I don’t have the same passion for activism that a lot of my peers seem to have. I mean, it’s certainly not because I’m particularly privileged (I’m really not) and it’s not because I don’t think my peers have the right of things. I just... don’t have enough emotional investment, I guess. I don’t know, man. But I also don’t have that kind of energy. Protests (most of which end up turning into bad-cop shitshows, apparently) and shit like that aren’t really the best place for my post-traumatic ass, you dig? Anyway, I think about this a lot (especially lately) but I have no clear-cut answers as to why I am not activism-oriented, when I clearly should be.

x. if you are non-religious, do you feel pressured to be religious or do you find that people often try to 'convert' you? if you are religious, how does it make you feel when others speak contemptuously of religious people? >> I don’t feel pressured to be religious, no. Who would even pressure me? Most of the people I know are full-on atheists, or pagans who just do their own weird thing and mind their business. Mostly.

xi. if you are religious, what is your religion and how do you observe it? if you are non-religious, do you find religion an interesting thing to study, anyway? >> I am intensely interested in religion. I find it one of the most interesting things to study, from so many different angles. I just don’t have one of my own.

xii. would you want a personal robot (think 'bicentennial man' or 'a.i.')? what would you name it? what purpose would it serve? >> Heh. Well, I don’t know. I mean, I feel like it would be cool to have an android companion, but it wouldn’t be happening in a vacuum. If, say, America figured out AI and started making AI companions for people, you can pretty much imagine how that would go. Capitalist hellscape plus a terrible culture of human superiority (well, white man superiority, to be specific, but) and a productivity-based mentality? Can we just not create and subject a new kind of lifeform to that, please.

xiii. are you eager to see how far science + technology will advance, or do you prefer an older way of doing things? do you think we are better off with these advancements, or not? >> I used to be really into technological advancement and The Singularity and all of that, which is why this question exists. And I still personally think all that shit is cool as hell. But like I said, none of it happens in a vacuum, and as long as we continue not to improve as organic, social, sapient lifeforms... it really doesn’t matter if cars can drive themselves or whatever. It’s all just part of the hellscape. I love my computers, I love the internet, I love the weird new gadgets I see on Gizmodo and I love space programs. God knows I do. I just... can’t unsee the other stuff.

xiv. what is your favourite comic book or graphic novel? does your favourite novel come in comic-book form? (if not, would you like it to?) >> My favourite comic book (well, comic book series) is probably... Promethea. Or Sandman. Preacher is definitely up there too. I don’t have a favourite novel, but I think Lovecraftian comics are great (Alan Moore did a few that I loved), and the Dark Tower comics were works of art. I wish someone would make Ayn Rand books into comics, I think that’d be funky.

xv. have you ever thought of a question that you'd like to see on a survey, but you couldn't think of enough other questions to put it in a survey yourself? do you remember what the question was? (if you can, feel free to answer it here.) >> I have a post in my drafts that’s just for throwing in questions that I think up, in the hopes that one day I’ll have thrown enough random questions in there to make a whole survey out of. We’ll see, lmao.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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bakagamieru · 5 years

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hi! ive been out of the fandom for a year so i dont know whats happening, can you help me? what the boys were up to recently? what about louis' album? larry? any updates on niall's projects and life and stuff? did the boys have any contact recently with each other?

I’ll do the best I can, but I may miss a few things:

Niall:

He was supposedly in a relationship with Hailee Steinfeld from sometime around March until December. He had his first kissing pap walk and other than that, it was never actually confirmed except by unnamed “sources” in the papers. More than likely this was a benevolent PR deal for mutual promo.

Work-wise, Niall finished his first solo tour, released the single “Finally Free” because someone working on the movie Smallfoot has a massive crush on him and would have preferred the whole soundtrack to be Niall if he’d had the time to write it. He also recently released the orchestra version of 9 (I think?) of his Flicker songs. He’s currently working on writing his 2nd album, so he’ll probably be pretty scarce for awhile.

Harry:

Harry also finished up his first solo tour and has been seen in and out of Japan quite a bit. People assume he’s working on writing his 2nd album there, although it’s not confirmed.

I’m honestly not too sure what else to say about him. He’s popped in and out of the fandom’s awareness on social media, but I think he’s mostly remained under the radar since his tour ended.

Liam:

Liam has continued putting out singles here and there (still mostly collabs) and we did get his EP “First Time” in August, although we still don’t have his actual album that should have been done a long time ago. Most think that the album will be out this year, although it’s hard to say for sure. Supposedly Liam hasn’t had any tour dates yet because they “can’t find the right venues”, but that seems like a really weak excuse and some people have noted that he only seems to perform at festivals and other events that maybe he doesn’t get paid for like a regular concert?

Liam has come out and said he’s interested in acting in the near future, but there’s been no announcement of any roles.

The Liam-Cheryl relationship finally ended in July, thankfully. Again, fake relationship and not nearly as benevolent as the Niall-Hailee one. No big movements on babygate 2.0 though.

Louis:

Louis put absolutely no music out this last year. As far as we can tell, he was ready to and wanted to and then got drafted into being a judge on The X-Factor UK instead. He did the best he could to be a good mentor and one of his acts did, in fact, win. Surprisingly, Louis came out of The X-Factor looking a whole lot better than anybody assumed Simon was going to let him. He also made his primary purpose on that show to wear coded clothing pretty much every chance he got.

Liam showed up on Louis’ judge’s house episode and also came on to perform. Niall showed up in the audience during the finale episode (or maybe the one right before?). Unfortunately, we didn’t get almost any public interactions when Liam performed and none at all when Niall was in the audience. Louis and Liam did end up doing another Gogglebox-based charity video together after the judge’s house episode though.

Despite Louis’ music being delayed, fans are hopeful that Louis will have a single out this month and an album out this year, preferably with tour dates to follow. Both Louis and Liam’s music releases have been so delayed at this point that no one wants to get too excited until it actually happens.

I think Eleanor has been showing up periodically with Louis, but generally she’s in the background. Louis hasn’t mentioned Freddie at all this year and some interesting things have been going on with Briana’s family and friends deleting social media posts or starting entirely different social media accounts recently. People are wondering if this is leading up to the end of babygate or if it might just be cleaning house in preparation for promo for Louis’ album. We’ll see in time.

Zayn:

Zayn finally released his 2nd album after several years and a tweet a few months prior accusing his label of blocking the release of his music. The first part of the album is mushy af and is commonly assumed to be an ode to his love for Liam. The second part of the album is darker and seems to be about Zayn’s struggles in the industry/life, as befits the concept of “Icarus Falls”. Unfortunately, this album is getting little to no proper promo. I don’t think there’s been one interview since it came out in any medium.

Zayn and Gigi have recently been reported as having split (again) and hopefully it sticks this time. Again, fake relationship, not benevolent. The break up stories are blaming the break up on Gigi not being able to fix Zayn’s mental health issues.

After hinting heavily he wanted to tour in 2018, his team claimed he wasn’t touring because of his anxieties, but now he’s hinting heavily about touring soon again.

I want to be respectful of mental health issues, but I do find it very suspicious that Zayn’s so-called issues are only ever brought up in order to explain away why he gets no promo or why his management “dropped” him or why his “girlfriend” can’t stay with him. In other words, his team is sabotaging him and is either making up mental health issues to use to blame Zayn or is using pre-existing mental health issues to blame Zayn even though it’s still not his fault.

As far as Zayn and 1D goes, we’ve reverted back to a more negative narrative yet again. It makes no sense at all, but this isn’t the first time we’ve yo-yo’ed between a more positive and more negative narrative with no particular event or reason driving it. Zayn and Louis officially reconciled over a year ago and no other members of 1D were ever actually fighting in the first place, and yet here we are with this ridiculous fighting narrative still.

Larry and Ziam:

Both are still going strong.

We haven’t had as many hints from the Ziam side (except for Zayn’s love declarations in “Icarus”) since Zayn is so often MIA, but Louis being on The X-Factor provided plenty of fodder. In particular, Louis wore green and blue stripes and has been wearing a lot of clothing from Japanese lines (when Harry has coincidentally been seen in Japan a lot recently).

You can try checking my tags for “larry stylinson” and “ziam mayne” for more details although some of the posts might not be about recent events.

#one direction #update #solo direction #bakagamieru #I have no idea if I'm missing anything big #it's so hard to remember what happened last year in particular #Anonymous

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