#im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seijch · 3 years

Text

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

#did i have an announcement tag #announcement #also regarding work hsjkdfsd the company i work for didnt give my location the opening for the full time position i wanted #my managers all agree id be promoted if we had it but we dont so i . hee .#anyway um i hope everyones doing well #some of my moots changed urls while i was away and now i have no idea who anyone is #its like when you see your familys friends and theyre like omg youre so big now! i remember when you were a baby and youre like 🧍‍♂️#and you have to play along bc apparently they remember you hskdfsd #im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence #consider this my comeback stage

12 notes · View notes

ditchedxxx · 5 years

Note

Director's cut on that kuroyaku fic you posted recently the 5 things one

Okay so that was a commission i got almost within hours of posting that i was open for them, and I had never ever written for them before, but damn was I gonna try.

So I started brainstorming and the list style fic was something I'd always wanted to try? So I pitched it to the client and she liked it, so from there I just kinda started brainstorming the lists.

Yakus was tons of fun to write. I liked the idea of him being soft and cute, so i had the teas and milk thing-- originally, he'd been the one with the lock thing? But i ended up giving that to kuroo bc yaku gets treated enough like a mom, so it was nice making him like. A little looser, here.

The next thing was the kouhai thing right, which was my way of still including the whole mom-ish thing, and like tbh the thing where kuroo starts teasing him and being lowkey sexy was SO UNPLANNED it wasnt even funny. I just realized midway through typing dialogue that, hey, wait, why is kuroo just talking to yaku what happened to the kouhai-- the whole point of this item is the kouhai-- and rather than like. Deleting my hard work (all of 2 paragraphs), i just went and typed in the bit with lev about parents and stuff. It was funny and i could totally see it happening, and from there i was like yeah, kuroo would roll with it. He likes provoking people anyway. So that was fun.

Also i think a lot of why i went in that direction was bc even tho the client actually gave me th freedom to decide whether i wanted it romantic or not, im a sucker for sexual/romantic tension, so i totally. Just like. Ran with these statements that werent like explicitly romantic or whatever, but you could sorta feel a bit of tension-- like when kuroo leans over yaku, right? Theyre pressed together, back to chest. Kuroos head is near yakus ear. Its all very to-the-point. But you do know that something is up, bc yaku notes that its probably uncomfortable, not to mention the fact that yaku actually notes that he can feel the rumble of kuroos laugh or whatever, rather than just saying, oh, hes here, etc-- like that says something. Hes paying closer attention that you probably would if ut was just. A Thing if you know what i mean.

AH the drunk thing is next this was my fave. So i couldnt think of drunk shenanigans on my own, and i ended up brainstorming with a friend over chat. The married joke ended up being brought up again while we were talking and i was like oh yknow, this could be useful. Thats how the joke ended up lasting the whole fic instead of being like. A one time thing. Honestly it was tons of fun thinking about clingy, very loose and free drunk yaku, and kuroo as a gay disaster is my fave kuroo to write, so obviously he made it in here too.

The relied on thing... that was something i put in bc i wanted something a little deeper than the random everyday stuff id put in, and i figured considering hes so often considered like. Team mom, and hes a libero to boot, like noya, he probably likes being the one to give his team faith to play their best, bc he has their backs. Thats kinda it really.

And the last thing was just me liking sappy yaku again lmao. And btw, 36 questions is totally a legit podcast musical, listen to it, it made me cry just about the same part yaku cries at.

////

For kuroo, the first item was the thing with the locks that id meant to give yaku... but. Eh. If youre wondering where it came from, its something i do. I check the locks repeatedly bc my dad gets mad when i forget, bc obvs, safety concerns. But actually, kuroos list was a little different at first. (Ignore yakus, i cant figure out how to delete the picture from here goddammit mobile)

Now obviously most of the items stayed the same, especially for yaku's, but kuroo's item 2 fucked me over bc i dont. Actually remember enough of my chemisty to produce a full-blown fanboy ramble. Sorry kuroo.

So what ended up being there was the thing with the whole "looks mean, is a dork" item. It was actually the very last thing i wrote, bc it took me a while to come up with it as a replacement.

Item three was cute and i liked the idea of it, but it took me a bit to decide on how to show it! In the end i figured it would be nice to see yaku being appreciated and how close theyve grown, so thats what i went with. I was really happy with it.

The fourth one was planned almost from the start. Once i came up with the idea for it, i knew id probably show it through kuroo getting over a break up. I didnt intend to actually include the break up. Just sorta mention it, but... it felt too short without it.

I was actually iffy about yakus sorta confession here. I had a friend who, apparently, got confessed to while she was crying in a guys lap? And thats? Dont take advantage of other peoples weak moments to get yourself in their good graces, kids. But i felt like yaku would have wanted to be honest. Thats why i didnt have kuroo discuss it with him right away, and why i let yaku pretend it didnt happen. Bc thats not the time. Yaku would want to prove it over time, and kuroo would want to be over his gf first. Its healthier that way.

The leader thing is something i feel is a given for most people, but in my head kuroo isnt the type who like. He doesnt aim to be leader. He just is, sometimes, as necessity dictates. Hes not ambitious in that sense that he runs for class president or whatever. And i felt like it was interesting to kind of play with that idea here.

Anyway!!! Thats it lmao thanks for indulging me and listening to me ramble about my work.

2 notes · View notes