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cursedlovesstuff · 3 days

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Fixing Us. Part 1.

Y/N found herself stuck in a relentless routine.

Each passing day seemed to blur into the next, a disheartening repetition of Nat's absence and Y/N's solitary dinners.

As the hours ticked by, Y/N couldn't shake the gnawing suspicion that Nat's late nights were more than just work obligations.

Despite her longing for connection, Y/N's attempts to bridge the growing chasm between her and Nat fell on deaf ears.

The once vibrant bond they shared now felt like a distant memory, leaving Y/N feeling adrift in a sea of loneliness.

Determined to reclaim her sense of self-worth, Y/N went out on a journey of self-discovery.

Early morning jogs and a part-time job designing clothes provided a temporary distraction, but it was the tattoos that became her solace.

Venturing out with friends offered a fleeting escape from the monotony of her daily life.

Tonight was one of these nights where Y/N met Carol.

There was something familiar about her, a warmth that drew Y/N in like a moth to a flame.

Y/N was sitting at the bar watching others dance while stirring her drink with her straw.

"Do you usually come to bars just to watch others dance?" a voice says, making Y/N look up, shaking her head.

"I thought this was a lounge," Y/N says, smiling a bit.

"It's both," Carol says, putting her hand out for Y/N to shake while saying her name.

"Carol."

Y/N looks at Carol's hand before shaking it, saying, "Y/N."

"It's nice to meet you again, Y/N."

"Likewise."

The pair had met before a few times at some old work events and ran into each other a few weeks ago at this same lounge.

"I don't want to sound rude, but you used to work at SHIELD, right?" Carol asked, her eyes alight with curiosity.

Y/N nodded, a faint smile playing on her lips. "Yeah, I did. But I left a few years ago," she replied, her voice tinged with regret.

"Why did you leave?"

"I wanted to start a new chapter of my life, and it just wasn't the right fit anymore."

Carol's gaze lingered on Y/N, a silent understanding passing between them. "I can imagine it must have been a difficult decision," she remarked, her tone sympathetic.

Y/N shrugged, a pang of longing tugging at her heart. "It was. But sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the ones you love, even if they aren't willing to do the same for you," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

Carol nodded, understanding. As it got a bit quiet, Y/N said, "So what brings the great Captain Marvel here?"

"So you do know who I am," Carol replied, amused.

"Maybe."

"How come you never spoke?"

"I was shy and newlywed. My main focus was on work and getting home to my wife. I didn't have time back then."

"Wife, huh?"

"Natasha," Y/N says, taking a sip of her drink.

"Nat's married?" Carol asks, a bit shocked.

"Surprisingly yes, but she seems to forget that a lot."

"Just to be clear, you mean Romanoff, right? And you're still married?" Carol questions.

"Four years," Y/N says, halfway flashing her ring before saying, "probably not for much longer anyway."

Carol notices Y/N's mood change before asking Y/N if she would like to dance. Y/N is hesitant before she says yes, gently grasping the hand Carol put out for her to grab as she pulled her to the dance floor.

As carol pulled y/n through the crowd of sweety bodys they found themselves in the middle of the dance floor.

"Do you know this song?" Carol asks to which y/n shakes her head no.

"Iv never heard it"

"Good just let your body move to the beat follow me".

There wasn't any rush or anything; the two were just having fun like only friends. Carol even spun Y/N a few times. The time seemed to fly by; what only felt like an hour of dancing turned out to be three as the two made their way back to the bar to get some water. They arrived at the same time as Nat.

"Y/N," Nat asks, surprised to see her wife.

"Hi, Nat," Y/N replied, her voice tinged with uncertainty.

Nat's gaze flickered between Y/N and Carol, a hint of jealousy flashing in her eyes before she turned her attention back to Y/N. "What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice laced with suspicion.

Y/N shrugged nonchalantly, though her heart raced with apprehension. "Just out for a drink with friends," she replied, her eyes darting between Nat and Carol.

"Where are your friends?" Nat asked, slightly looking around.

"Lilly went home, and Esther is still dancing, so I'm with my new friend Carol," Y/N answered back.

"I didn't know you were friends with Carol," Nat said.

"You don't know all my friends," Y/N responded.

Nat didn't take Y/N's nonchalant yet sassy tone lightly.

"Then why are you at a bar you hate bars and clubs"

"Its also a lounge" y/n says.

"Its both"carol says making y/n smile as she turned her head to look at carol. Nat noticed this and she didn't like it.

As she eyed carol she gently grabbed Y/N's cup out of her hand, sitting it down, and grabbing Y/N's hand before looking at Carol.

"Excuse me; I think it's time my wife and I head home."

Before Y/N or Carol could say anything, Nat practically dragged Y/N to the front door, only being able to give Carol an apologetic look as she and Nat made it to the front of the bar but stopped at a table.

"Sorry I have to leave early,theres something y/n and i need to discuss"

As the team looks at Y/N, saying their hi's.

"You look beautiful, Lady Y/N," Thor says, making Y/N smile a bit while saying thank you

"Are you sure you don't want to stay drinks are on me" tony says as everyone at the table cheers.

"Yeah you guys should totally stay"carol says, which makes Nat only drag Y/N along further out of the bar after saying they couldnt towards the car.

Halfway there, Y/N finally gets out of Nat's grip.

"What is wrong with you, Nat, dragging me out of the bar like a psychopath?"

"What is wrong with Y/N being out this late at night by yourself?"

"I wasn't by myself."

"You know what I mean; I'm taking you home. End of discussion," Nat says, raising her voice a bit.

"No," Y/N says finally putting her foot down.

"What did you just say?" Nat asks.

"I said no," Y/N said before saying, "I'm going to go back into that bar and order me another shot and then another, and I'm going to have fun".

"You can have fun tomorrow when its bright outside and there are less drunk people there"

"I can protect myself natasha"

"Can you? Can you really because its been four years since you were an agent and had any type of training"

"Yeah and whos fault is that because it's not mine"

"What"

"You heard me your Your the reason that i quit being an agent your the reason why i havent trained in four years"

"because you got hurt on a mission,due to not being able to tell friend from foe"nat says making y/n scoff.

"Im perfectly capable from telling friends from foe"

"Then can you tell if carol your friend or just someone who wants to sleep with you"nat says without thinking making y/n feel hurt.

"What i can tell is that your being a dick,just because you have one doesn't mean you have to be one"

Y/n says walking backwards towards the bar saying"You can go home by yourself."y/n says turning around and walking towards the bar.

Its not long after she hears nat say" I'm going home, you're coming with me."

Before y/n knew it she was lifted off of her feet and thrown over someone's shoulder,nats shoulder.

Y/N truly forgot how strong nat was well...is.

"Put me down natasha"

Y/n says smacking nats back trying to get her to let go,but nat dosen't respond to it.

So y/n smacks nats back and butt harder in response nat hit y/n's butt hard enough to make her yelp and jump.

Nat tightens her grip so that she doesn't drop y/n,but there is no doubt that it will leave a mark in the morning.

"That isn't very nice is it?"nat asks but y/n doesn't respond she only continues to try and get out of nats grip.

Eventually y/n gives up realizing there is nothing she can do to get nat to let go.

Nat carries Y/N to the car, gently putting her down in the front seat, buckling her seat belt.

Before slamming the front door and walking around and getting in and closing the door.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x you #g!p natasha #oneshot #angst

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astroohoe · 2 days

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Astro observations

Hi! I know its been a while since i posted ...was going through some thangs loll now let's get to itttt.

•Gemini women loves to gossip lol. They can literally be gossiping about you while youre literally there, they do not care if you hear or not . Honestly, i think the end goal was for you to hear theyre talking shit about you lol

•Gemini women have anger issues. They're really HOT TEMPERED and you can hear it from the top of their voice it's soooo bad😑

•Virgo women are mean 😑...most people dislike virgo women because they can criticize you, judge you all day and it might even seem like they bullying you lol...im a virgo myself and i don't even like most of the virgo women ive met ........they're personality is just 100% TRASH and they're sooo blunt eiiii😂😂😂

Ex:Beyonce in destinys's child...lol search for her old interviews with the...girl has been judging them all day😂 and the SHADE she used to give to them!! Guuuuuuuuurl was shady aslllll😂😂😂😂

•Taurus women are GOLDIGERS

•Aries sun men are selfish sometimes, they'll choose themselves first and you'll be soooo surprised😂

•Scorpio men are SENSITIVE! DRAMA KINGS ALL DAY...I swear I've never seen a man act sooooo petty and a bitch at the same time lol.

•Scorpio men are caring

•Scorpio men love love and loves the idea of love and a relationship lol they cant be single for oneday, always looking .

•Grown Capricorn men are 100% PREDATORY🙄

•Pieces men literally have a phase in their early 20's where they're just HOES and a menace in their relationships🤣😭😭😭 they could be dating three of four girls at the time and you wont even figure it out..that Neptune energy blurs all the lies..it makes them a GOOD LIAR and skilled at it....they can even gaslight you when you ask them if they are cheating on you...but when they grow in their 40's they actually STEP UP as MEN .they can literally reject girls to tell them im married and i love me wife..so be patient...They're also EXTREMELY LOVING AND SELF SACRIFICING 🥰🥰🥰🥰

.Pieces venus and mars knows how to give love, lol they're soooooo sweet. You're lucky to have a Pieces venus a bf or gf they know how to love.

•Virgo venuses are hoes100%

•Aquarius women are hypocrites but solo beautiful. They are shady friends and good at stealing peoples husbands and boyfriends....they're NOT that good of a people tbh.

•Sagitarrius women are thee most intelligent in the class followed by Capricorn women. They always get good grades . lol are you messing with a half horse half human and LITERALLY THE GOAT??😂😂😂 at you dumb??

•EARTH SIGNS WOULD ROAST YOU...YOU REALLY DO NOT WANT THE SMOKE WITH THEM....ESPECIALLY WITH TAURUS MEN...THEY WILL ROAST YOU TO EVEN END UP GETTING PLASTIC SURGERY

•Capricorn men can insult you on every deeper level.

•Virgo women have a sharp tongue and they can literally plan on revenging you honestly...im even scared of earth signs they're not to be played with .

•Sagitarius women see LITERALLY every women as they're competion...why??? They are one of theee most jealous signs EVER...LIKE??

•Gemini women are annoying tbh😑

•Capricorn girls were the mean girls in school 100%

•Aquarius mercuries have a smart mouth and a sooooo intelligent.

•Cancer women are soooo feminine...and extremely funny ...my beauties>>>>>>

•LEOS are soooooo motherly😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 like, i love y'all

•Aries and Libra....why do y'all like each other sooooo much??...and most of the times , it is the libras who chases the Aries suns...The libra men are sooooo obsessed with the Aries woman, or Aries rising lol....

So thats it forrrrr meeeee ......hope you enjoyed? Byeeee

#astrology #piesces #cancer #scorpio #witchblr #astro notes #makeup #zodiac #baby witch #astrological degrees

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dontlookatmytmntcollection · 2 days

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*saunters into your inbox and hands you a small bouquet of pink roses as I tip my hat at you*

Howdidoo friend! Just wanted to drop in and hand you a little token of my thanks and appreciation for the incredible gift of writing that you so willingly share with the rest of us.

In floriography, the Victorian Language of flowers, pink roses represent gratitude and admiration as well well femininity and elegance, which I think you represent wonderfully well. You seem like a very down-to-earth individual with a good heart, so I just wanted to say thanks for being who you are and being brave with sharing your talents. I know it's scary, but you're doing remarkably, honey.

Well done 🙌🏼👏🏼🙌🏼🧡

I say that your requests were open and I'd like to give one a try if and only if you're up for it. (if not then no worries, do whatcha got to do to take care of that beautiful mind ok?)

This is gonna sound really silly, but I have these two off switches that like immediately shut me down. I found this out once ranting about a book to my friends in the library and my one friend just reached up, patted my head and then started playing with my hair. I immediately stuttered to a halt because it was like my brain short-circuited. The other off button for me, is just someone like cradling my head. I have ADHD so I'm constantly go go go. Just adding that little bit of pressure just makes me no joke zoink out, like there are no thunks in that brain whatsoever once you touch my head.

Learning this as Ive gotten older has made it so I'm quite protective of who touches my head because it can make me somewhat kind of vulnerable, so my question of the day is how would the turtles respond to accidentally finding out about somebody's “off” button like that.

You can do whatever you're comfortable with and feels easy to write as I'm not really expecting much. Once again, this is just a request, so please please take care of yourself, your mental health and social batteries please.

Just know I think you're pretty cool and I look forward to seeing what you come up with in the future 😊🧡✨

This'll be easy, because I have the EXACT same thing!

Rubbing my scalp or my face suddenly erases lifelong sleep or hyperactive issues! I melt into touches like that, knocks you out like a light. Sometimes it gets you feeling emotional, too, lol

Thank you for the sweet words, they made my day. Got me feeling seen too. Thanks again for the ask.

I hope you enjoy!

Touch-Sensitive Reader × TMNT

Mikey

-Mikey is less of a touchy guy while getting to know you.

-But he is IN YOUR SPACE.

-All the time.

-He's an EXTREMLY touchy guy.

-But he will wait for you to make the first move.

-Until then, it's all over.

-It will take very, VERY little time for him to find every. Single. Sweetspot.

-He knows where they are on himself, and he knows that everyone alive has a few.

-You had shyly crawled into his lap for the first time, him leanded all the way back on the arm while he pulled you into his chest.

-The movie had barely started by the time he noticed you had gone still. Something he rarely saw with you.

-He looked down, surprised to see your eyes close, your entire body limp in his arms.

-"Y/N?" He whispered, trying not to laugh. "Baby?"

-You didn't budge

-Didn't you tell him you were notoriously horrible at falling asleep?

-He smiled widely, glancing at his hand now hovering over your scalp.

-"Cool."

Donnie

-Nap date.

-He was on his first nap date.

-Sure, it was after a bit of a skwabble over his sleep schedule. Or lack of.

-But he finally gave into curling up in his hammock with you on top of him

-But to be honest, he had been wanting this too. All the naps he's been taking have been spent wishing you were there with him.

-Now you were!

-You had told him you'd stay here until he'd fall asleep.

-You'd asked him if you had his permission to listen to music and play on your phone, all efforts to keep you still.

-He'd agreed, just happy he'd somehow landed someone willing to touch him, let him fall asleep with them.

-His eyes had been dropping, and his fingers had begun to rhythmically comb through your hair.

-Geez, this was paradise. This was everything he ever could have hoped for. The warmth, the weight of your body, the texture of your skin- If life felt this good all the time-

-Your phone dropped from your hand onto his stomach with a soft 'clunk'.

-He hardly noticed until you didn't move to grab it.

-His eyes blinked open, squinting them hard at your head. He wasn't able to see your face, but he could now feel your deep, quiet breathing. How limp you were against him.

-He smiled, his head falling back to the support pillow.

-'Noted.' He thought.

Raph

-Raph could barely remember the times you didn't want to be touched.

-You were all over him right now, and while he didn't have energy to meet this amount of enthusiasm this late- he was defiently feeling as if he had died happy. Unbelieveing that this was his life now.

-Having a partner all over him on the bed. Kissing him everywhere mid conversation, trying to talk to him through your squirming about, trying to get comfortable.

-"C'mere." He whispered, pulling you against his torso, face to face. His right side, your left side on the bed.

-You're chattering went quiet, smiling wide while Raph ducked his face into the right of your jaw, his right hand going up to hold the weight of your head between the bedsheets.

-"Oh, hi." You said.

-"Hi." Raph closed his eyes, starting to brush his thumb gently over your left cheek, his enormous arm going around you tightly, holding you as close as you allowed him.

-He waited for you to continue with your vent- but when you didn't after a long moment- he pulled back to check on your expression.

-Your eyes were closed, lips slightly parted, your head sinking more and more into his hand.

-"Hey," Raph purred. "You like that?"

-You gurgled a noise out, making him smile.

-"Yeah?" He leaned back, lifting his right hand up to smooth over your other cheek, pressing just enough to smear the skin.

-You went completely unresponsive. The change sudden and new.

-Possessivness "You're so cute." He whispered, pressing a kiss to your hairline.

Leo

-Leo had never seen you cry before.

-Something about a confrontation with a scary coworker and HR.

-He felt awkward, too big, too dumb and useless to do anything about you sobbing into his chest.

-While you held tightly to the straps on his chest in substitute of wrapping your own around him- he fought the urge to rip someone's limbs off.

-"I'm right here." He whispered instead. "You're okay, you're okay..."

-His hands combed through your hair, his lips against your scalp, preparing to be there all night.

-It took just a moment, but Leo felt the change as if it happened in him too.

-Your sobs became deep breaths, and your desperate grip on him transformers into your weight laying limp against him.

- "You okay?" Leo asked.

-"Don't stop." You whined.

-It startled a smile out of Leo, and he resumed the petting.

- Because what works, works, right?

#bayverse #raphael #leonardo #tmnt #donatello #tmnt bayverse #bayverse tmnt #my writing #tmnt headcanons #tmnt x reader #bayverse leonardo #leonardo x reader #raphael x reader #michelangelo x reader #donatello x reader

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explodingstar · 2 days

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Tattoos

Warnings: NSFW innuendos, Age-gap

Pairings: Captain Price x f!reader

“Rookie can you follow me into my office.” Price looks down at you with his arms crossed infront of him waiting for you to get up.

“Yes sir!” You stand up and lightly brush off your clothes before following Captain Price into his office. He walks over to the old rickety chair behind his desk and sits down. He puts his arms on his desk and intertwines his fingers. “Take a seat.” He gestures towards you with a head nod to the chair infront of him. You sit down in front of him and look at him.

“What did you want to talk to me about Captain?”

“Well I overheard you talking to soap about something. Anything you want to tell me?”

You look at him struggling to remain eye contact. “Hmm I don’t know what you might’ve heard..” He shifts in his seat a little bit putting more weight on his arms in front of him and leaning in towards you. “Well ‘I want Captain Price to rail me’ is not what I should be hearing on the training field” He says with a little smirk.

“Yes and? OH!..” You nervously laugh knowing exactly what he overheard you say. “Umm about that..” you say while looking down at the desk in front of you. “You do know I cant pursue any relationships within the barracks right? Hell, for example if you and Soap wanted to date you wouldn’t even be allowed to.” He says softly with a smile. “Yeah I know soap was just asking me who I found attractive so I told him..that dont mean I want to date” “Oh no it dont but you definitely told soap you wanted to suck me off under my desk too.” He starts laughing. “Well um…I dont have a excuse for that one.” You say nervously trying to look away to hide your blushing cheeks.

“Darling im twice your age.” Price gets up and comes up behind your chair to lean down and whisper right in your ear. “I have tattoos that are older then you.” You look up at him “maybe thats what I like.” You shrug and stand up. “May I be excused now?”

A/N: Sorry for not posting! IRL stuff has been happening but ive had this one in the drafts for a minute. 🤪

#cod #cod fanfic #cod mw3 #cod x reader #call of duty #captain price #john price #captain john price #age g@p

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scekrex · 1 day

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fuck me ive been having brainrot

adam who flirts with his partner to watch their face go gold

(as a poc person he would adore it since gold looks amazing on us)

You've already read this but I had to turn that into a little something hehehehe

Gold is a divine color, luckily you're the most divine person to exist

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language & sexual tension

note: beta read by @drxgonspine

Adam loved complimenting you, not only because it let you know how he thought of you, but also because the golden blush that always crept up your neck so easily until it reached your cheeks looked absolutely gorgeous on you.

When he had first figured out that the winner's blood was golden - a pure and divine color - he had thought of it as useless, unnecessary and a stupid decision made by God, because what was the point of changing somebody’s blood color anyways? But oh how that view on this changed when he met you - the most divine angel to walk heaven’s streets. He had never really put any thought into the fact that a changed blood color would also mean that the blush on the winner's skins would appear gold instead of red-pink ish.

But then he had flirted with you - at first it had been an act of getting your attention with no real meaning behind those words, he had flirted with plenty of people before. Yes, most of them had been women and yes, it was way harder for a dude - especially a dude like Adam - to hit on other men, but you? With you it felt so natural to be flirty.

“Sup Shawty,” he cockily grinned as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder lazily as if it had always meant to be that way, a slight golden blush spread on your cheeks, yet it was so light that the normal eye would have easily missed it if the person would not have been focusing on it.

Adam though, had been focusing on the beautiful blush - he had been for a while now. That was also why he knew that it was so easy to cause that blush to appear because even after years and years of being in a relationship, that was one thing that had never changed. “Shut up,” you mumbled as you turned your face away from the first man, your wing coming up to shield your side in order to block his view.

Adam was very much not having it though.

“No need to hide your handsome face, babes, I know what your ass looks like when it gets all flustered,” the stupidly cocky grin was not leaving his face for even the slightest moment, in fact it only grew as you raised your wing even more and ducked down your head to properly hide behind white feathers.

“Adam,” you hissed in an alarming tone, making it clear that he should better shut his mouth. Not that you were truly minding it, but you knew he was just teasing and you were having none of it, not when you desperately wanted your body to stop doing what it was doing giving Adam the pleasure he was seeking in seeing you blushing.

“Oh c’mon, we both know you like it,” the brunette leaned in as he effortlessly pushed your wing aside so that his lips were brushing against your ear as he continued to speak, “You’re such a handsome fucker, you should not hide behind those stupid feathers.”

The blush that had only been spreading on your cheeks at first was now slowly creeping down your neck, all the way down to the top of your chest, painting you in the most angelic color Adam was ever allowed to lay eyes onto. A golden tan was covering your skin, causing you to look pure - well, purer than you normally looked. “Fucking love it when ya get all flustered over some words,” he hummed in your ear, his voice suddenly sounding deeper than just a moment before - you were done. He had you exactly where he wanted you and he made it obvious that he would not back down, not when the golden flush looked so divine on you.

No, he wanted to keep that look on your skin for as long as possible. The fact that his words made you feel good about yourself was a nice side effect in his eyes.

You forcefully grabbed Adam by his collar, yanking him down further until he was on your eye level as you hissed, “Listen bitch, if you start something, you’ll fucking finish it, got that?” The grin on Adam’s lips remained and it was driving you insane in the best way possible. You were aware that his only goal was to watch you get flustered and blushy, but God knew he also loved to rile you up. A thing you could not deny: you were quite easy to rile up - at least for Adam because somehow that man knew exactly how to push your buttons and get you where he wants you. “Is that supposed to be a threat, hotstuff,” his lips were brushing against yours as he spoke, “Or is it an invitation?”

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #adam x male reader #male reader #adam x y/n #adam x reader #adam x you

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helpallthenamesaretakenblog · 20 hours

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hi so this is a bit of a rant because I had a lot on my mind and needed to get it out, don't mind me, I might have gone little mad in this. warning: probably an unpopular opinion

ok now that you're here.

why are the logical behind pre-tlo jealous!percy fics so despicable? like seriously. this is a sentiment ive seen from lot of percabeth fans, and I hate it so much.

so a lot of posts I've seen about this are like "why did percy have to have love interests ? annabeth needs a side man too to make it equal" ok first of all, why is there some weighing scale in all of this? it's not a court situation where we need to judge which side committed more crimes.

having a 'side man' for annabeth completely disrespects the feelings she was going through in the period of botl-tlo. I think most people forget that rachel wasn't her only problem during that time. luke, her older brother figure from 7 years old had been possessed by the soul of kronos. OF COURSE she would be emotionally unavailable due to her grief. at the end of botl, percy describes that SHE never came and talked to him either about the kiss or whatever. it was a mutual silent treatment. percy couldnt have confessed to annabeth even if he tried, because it was obviously a bad time for her duh. they rlly expect percy to be like "annabeth😍 I know you're going through major grief right now ❤️ but pls kiss me" the same way annabeth found it hard to confess to percy because of rachel and whatever.

people think it's really funny to write fics about annabeth flirting with someone like connor during times like when percy got exploded by the volcano. "percy was doing things with Calypso too--" HE WAS HEALING. He had to stay there for some time to heal after getting EXPLODED. he was also tempted with paradise. stuff like that isn't a decision to make in a second. having annabeth have fun with other boys with connor or smthn while she thinks percy is dead is such a disrespect to her love for percy, I wonder how people like that are percabeth fans at all. same goes for fics where annabeth does it ON PURPOSE to make percy mad.

problem with these type of fics is that they're so PETTY. "If i was annabeth I would have made percy beg on his knees" "if I was annabeth I would murder him--" BUT YOURE NOT ANNABETH. annabeth chase LOVED percy jackson and would never do something on purpose to hurt percy or annoy him. she's not vicious like you.

also percy wasn't falling all over rachel and calypso. he treated them as he would treat any other best friend and kept his distance romantically, even though it was clear he might have had a crush. making annabeth purposefully flirt with other guys or accept other guys advances doesn't equal the weighing scale, it makes it even more unequal.

look, I'm not saying annabeth can't have any love interest other than percy. she CAN find other men attractive. she CAN have interest in other men. you can write that all you want. I'm just saying it was never something so necessary and the logic behind it is so petty. and her weaponising it because of her jealousy towards rachel is just so not something she would ever do.

also, just a short note before this ends: i actually like some jealous!percy fics. some are good. it's just some people get really worked up about the fact that annabeth NEEDS a love interest to get back at percy. that's who I'm mad about. if you've written a jealous!percy fic, cool!

#percy jackson #percabeth #pjo #percyjackson #rick riordan #annabeth chase

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notsosmug87 · 10 hours

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Ive had this Au idea in my head for a lil while and after doing some work on it i have decided to share it with you guys.

I proudly present:

The fractured Jay Au

(Huge shoutout to the very talented @sketchalicious. not only was this drawing based off one of their own but they were also one of the biggest inspirations for this Au. Go check em out they make awesome stuff) After the ninja Recuse Jay, his entire mental state collapses from the stress of flashbacks and visions after which, he goes into a comatose state. The ninja must now enter his mind to help him wake up. There, They find not only Jay, but six different versions of him. all of which represent their own guilts and traumas as well as Jays own too. The Ninja (now separated) must fight the one that represents them most and try to get every Jay to accept themselves.

The ninja also find out about the events of skybound through this whole ordeal; In Nyas case, having to relive it while also seeing what Jay went through on the Misfortunes keep.

The idea is that, Out of every ninja Jay holds the most baggage but does not show it, instead keeping it hidden very deep in his brain and I’m tired of people pretending like he doesn’t 😔

I will now Explain them in detail. Starting with:

The chosen one "Guilt ridden"

Fun fact: According to an old blooper reel, Jay was originally gonna be the green ninja; But the writers changed it to lloyd for a better surprise. Doesn’t take away from the fact that Jay looks good in green however.

This Jay is supposed to be a Representation of Lloyd, more specifically The weight lloyd has on his shoulders. Having to be the savior of ninjago (now the merged realms) can take a toll on a person; Lloyd is also now a sensei in training which has not helped his mental state at all; eventually bound to snap one way or another. And at one point there will be a battle he cannot win no matter how hard he tries.

From jays side, TCO is supposed to be a representation of His thoughts about how he has failed Lloyd and the others on several occasions (Releasing aspherra, Prime empire, letting Nya die twice, etc.) and how he solely Blames himself for it. All his self doubts telling him he’ll never be good enough, Among other things, in the forms of Twisted/Tainted visions of the other ninja and his parents. Making him go insane and he eventually snaps, succumbing to the delusion that in order to ever be good enough for Anyone he has to take over being the green ninja. But deep down he knows that the others will always care about him no matter what.

Worst case Scenario (CC for short) “The Sacrifice"

This one’s design wasn’t based off anything too important, I just think that Kai would be the second Ninja to become Undead.

CC represents Kai’s inability to let others sacrifice for him. While Kai is a hero through and through and will do anything for his family, he’s also selfish in the way that he doesn’t want the others to do the same for him Always insisting that it should have been him instead. CC looks like someone who has sacrificed too much without letting others help them. (Bit of a stretch i know)

In terms of Jay, CC is supposed to represent Denial. His skeletal remains are the Result Of what happens to someone who thinks “it should have been me” over every situation, Someone more... Expendable. A repeating memory of Nya dying in his arms keeps playing in his head. Losing flesh and organs after sacrificing himself to Defeat the Overlord; His skeleton Gains a fraction of his power that keeps him alive. But in the end it does not matter because he couldn’t save the one person most important to him, Nya. Jay knows no matter how many “What if” Scenarios happen in his head, the past is in the past and he must look on to the future, but can’t bring himself to after the many losses he’s Endured.

Agent walker "left to rot"

Design of course was based off our very own amnesiac Jason Walker, The current Manager of the administrations realm of reassignment.

Agent Walker is Everything Zane Dreads about himself; Becoming Cold and mechanical with no emotion. Agent Walker is Essentially a repeat of the Ice emperor. A once heroic individual Who forgot themselves and Changed because of Evil influence. Zane dreaded being the ice emperor and does not want any of his family to go through what he went through. Unfortunately, Jay is already halfway there. while we do not know if Agent Walker is truly corrupt due to the administration, Jay is Very much morally Gray, As out of every Ninja his moral compass is the weakest.

Having severe abandonment issues, Agent Walker Represents Jays Fear of being Forgotten about by his family, Essentially becoming a memory. that fear is realized once he spends a long time in the administration and no one has found him yet. Hence the Tagline, “Left to rot”. Having everyone Move on without him (especially Nya) Hurts So Badly that He Forces himself to forgot about the others and hoping the pain will eventually go away. Jay of course knows that His family and Yang could never forget about him, But doubts plague his mind telling him otherwise.

The Infiltrator “No Destiny"

Based off the (now very official) Evil Jay Figure which was recently leaked. The shirt was too hard to get right for me, so I decided to use my own design for it.

The infiltrator, A Strange Figure Who wields lightning powers. Hired by lord Ras; The same person who Went for Coles second family. This adds insult to injury in terms of their friendship.

This Jay pulls the same type of act that Cole does in DotD; By Doing something as drastic as Teaming up with a person who he knows has bad intentions just to be recognized outside of his feats at the administration and to be able to freely use his powers.

Representing Coles guilt, This Jay Has cemented himself as an enemy to the ninja and no longer an ally Forcing The battle to be painful for the Ninja. Especially Cole. However this Jay is not tethered to his relationships with them and will not hold back against those who oppose his leader

(Note: Not much is known about Jays motives or really anything about his evil character in part 2. This part might be rewritten later once we get a more clear view of his character.)

The infiltrator Is a manifestation of Jays fears about him going rouge/ Evil, So far almost all of the ninja Have Gone through their Evil “phase” and eventually, Jay must walk down that path. He feels hopeless however as without his memories he feels trapped; fettered to always serving a higher power Having No destiny To achieve thus Staying evil indefinitely.

Jay of the storm "Shameful woes"

This Jays design was inspired by some of the Seabound Aus I’ve seen and read. Much like Nyas design, He has Semi-lightning shaped hair and Lightning related body marks all over. he looks like a painting to show his coping mechanism When Nya was gone; Which was painting Portraits of her and him to ease his pain.

This one’s quite simple, Even after Becoming human again, Nya still harbors guilt for what she caused her family to go through And how much her sacrifice meant to everybody in ninjago. This Jay is supposed to represent her feelings about the whole situation and showing her a different perspective; one where Jay sacrificed himself instead of her. Of course in this made up timeline, Jay thinks of his sacrifice as Meaningless compared to Nyas. Thinking that the team moves on very quickly from what happened (Yes even Nya) and it eventually gets swept under the rug.

Further from the truth, Nya tries to convince Jay that this would never be the case. her words fall on deaf ears however, as Jay continues to lament in his own self pity.

Jay of the storm Is the personification of his shame and worry about him being a bad partner and an even worse teammate; Thinking of himself as worthless and nothing more than a deadweight To his family and his Yang. He thinks this way due to his biggest mistakes and how they led to so many bad things happening. (Especially Nyas deaths.) “I wish I could sacrifice to you as much as you have for me.” Nya has done so much for him and he thinks that he has done nothing in return. So maybe sacrificing himself could make him seem all noble and heroic once and for all. But he knows that he has done incredible feats and cannot blame himself for everything bad that has happened in their lives.

Nya will always love him And He’ll always love her, no matter how much the universe wants to seperate them they'll find each other eventually.

??? “Fractured beyond repair”

This design was based off The common trope of an alternate version of someone being their own shadow.

The real Jay (or At least a part of him), hidden deep inside his own Brain. living in denial of himself and being incomplete as his Whole Soul and memory was split into 5 different pieces representing his Repressed Thoughts.

Black as ink with a texture of tar, This Jay Is barely humanlike. Shutting himself out from anyone or anything trying to interact with him preferring to Wish it all away instead of Trying to fix all the issues he has caused. They say that when the Other 5 Make amends and come to terms with themselves, he will be let out of his cage like a wild animal. for better or for worse? Well there’s no clear answer for that. (Codeword for if I plan to expand this and write an actual fan fic)

Thank you for reading my hyperfixiation. while i do think this Au could never work in canon, Its very fun to think about it as jay probably has the most repressed trauma of all the ninja. plus its an Au for a reason.

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beesmygod · 2 days

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today is webcomics day. i am bea and i make "A Ghost Story" - part 2: planning

like every single artist on planet earth since i dawn of time, i suffer from some kind of unknown malady that causes me problems for no reason and cannot be confirmed by an outside source. usually, its whatever; its fleeting muscle/tendon/join pain with some inflammation that comes and goes for no reason after a few hours. today, however, the muscle in the webbing between my index finger and thumb on my drawing hand is swollen and painful making it annoying. it's really only like a 4/10 when it hits and the actually annoying part is just the unpredictability. with any luck it will be gone in a few hours.

that doesnt have anything to do with planning, i just wanted to bitch about it to a captive audience. also my guts are mad at me.

---

in all honesty, ive been sitting here sipping on my cup of coffee, staring at my screen and struggling to think of an interesting and concise way to portray what i know i want. this is a great page for me personally bc it signals forward momentum, no matter how minuscule, in the plot. maxine is completely exhausted and beat to shit so she's reluctantly passing out. she vulnerability in this moment makes it hard to convincingly ohhh hold on ok i think i have it. i'll spend this page putting her to bed lol.

christ this comic feels decompressed to shit sometimes and breakneck at others. since i felt like i needed to aim toward one or the other after flailing in the middle for years, i picked "trying to be more narratively slow" bc it gives me more time to think and feel. but that's really rough for something that updates serially. in this case, it just doenst feel realistic for maxine to willingly fall asleep considering she operates with the instincts of a wild animal. she'd chew her arm off if it got stuck in a vending machine. she is not going to be happy about sleeping in a strange place surrounded by people she just got done aiming a gun at.

BUT what if she issues one last warning to this guy and then as he drones on in response, she falls asleep while tuning him out. she would want to tune him out but the falling asleep would be an unintentional side-effect of her stubbornness. no way is she actually trusting this guy or any guys. its against her will. the last panel can be her in a nice dream, so she has a reason to stay asleep instead of fighting it. this has the bonus of allowing me to draw something weird and fun by trying to draw what a dream feels like. ADDITIONAL BONUS: i dont have to come up with a lot of dialog. it can turn into squiggles once maxine stops listening.

uhhh ok time for sketching. here's where we're at right now after 2 hours of work:

uh oh!

#a ghost story #webcomics #webcomic #web comics #webcomic day

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nebbyy · 2 days

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I have a request, if youre taking them.

Baldwin's wife sneaks into the battle in 1177 with sixteen year old Baldwin, his reaction and what not. make it your own, just thought this would be cool

King Baldwin x reader - My archangel

A/N: I absolutely LOVE this idea! I've never thought of a scenario like this before, so thank you so so much for the suggestion<3

Sorry if this took so long btw, I haven't been active lately because of school and work😔😔

As always, painting is "The Crown of Love" by John Everett Millais (it's so funny to me for no reason, it just makes me think of how Baldwin would be physically dragging you out of danger).

Summary: During the most importante battle of his life so far, the last person king Baldwin expected to see on the battlefield was his newlywed wife

Warning: war, but it's more of a background thing, mentions of injuries and a hint at misogynism

Word count: 5433

It had been decided. Jerusalem's knights and soldiers would be riding towards Saladin's army at dawn, led by their king, King Baldwin IV of Anjou. Your Baldwin.

The mere idea that tomorrow your husband would find himself fighting face to face against the most fearsome of his enemies terrified you, especially knowing that you could do nothing to protect him. He had expressly said he did not want you or his sisters anywhere near the battlefield, it was too risky. You should have waited for his return, for him to be victorious astride his steed, now lying lifeless on a black bed.

You closed your eyes, begging your mind to spare you from the projection of that macabre image in your head. But you could do nothing against these emotions, which were tearing at your mind and spirit. You could not remain still and impassive, obedient and elegant as you always were as a young princess, then as a wife and now as a queen.

No, that image of you had to slumber, if only for a while. You did not have your kingdom on your mind at that moment, only Baldwin and the overwhelming desire to be close to him.

You cursed your nature for making you a woman, for not having had the opportunity to learn the art of arms and war. You cursed your long robes that prevented you from any daring movement, and your limbs because even if they were able to move freely they would not have the strength to even wield a sword.

As Baldwin fell asleep in your arms, exhausted by the fatigue that this imminent battle was costing him, and you held him close to your heart as if to compel him eternally into your embrace, you weaved a plan in your mind. A plan not to leave him alone at dawn, to stay as close to him as possible.

Because even if it was the day God would claim your husband's soul, at least you wanted to be near him as he took his last breath.

How selfish you were, not even death would have been left for him. But then again, poets have been saying it for centuries, love is the gravest form of madness.

You woke up in an empty bed, the spectre of a kiss floating on your bare shoulder where Baldwin's lips had rested a few moments before, when he had to arouse himself to lead his army into battle. And despair pervaded you almost immediately, when when you woke up still no idea had come to your mind to stay by his side, after you had hoped that sleep would grant you a solution to your problem.

Unable to hold back tears of frustration and despair, you summoned your favourite handmaiden, your nurse, old to almost retirement but cunning as a mischievous child. You wept on her welcoming lap, clutching the fabric of her robe in your fists.

"Oh Agnes, how unfair is my fate as a woman. I am asked to stand by my husband's side all my life and yet I am denied a place beside him in these dark times. And they tear him from my arms and leave me here, alone and helpless, these monstrous Saracens!" She looked at you with sympathetic eyes, stroking the long hair that fell from your shoulders, which resembled the waves of the sea as they shook slightly from your sobs. "What can I do, Agnes? You who always have a quick tongue to give solutions to my every worry, tell me what I can do, before his horse and troops are too far away to be seen."

She, like a mother consoling a child who has injured himself while playing, took your face with one hand, inviting you to turn your gaze towards her. As she wiped the tears that streaked your cheeks with her thumb, she spoke softly to you, although her tone had a hint of her typical mischief in it: "My lady, weeping over your fate does not suit you. Instead, I propose you run. Make haste to the armoury, there you are sure to find armour left behind by some lord. Do you follow me? Well, you will simply have to put on the armour, carrying a pair of your husband's breeches underneath. And keep your helmet tightly closed, so that it cannot be seen that beneath the armour there is not a brutish knight, but a beautiful queen.

Go out of the palace through the servants' passages, and buy the horse of the first man you find. Not yours, in the royal stable they would notice his absence. And then all that remains is for you to ride, ride as fast as you can, to reach the Christian encampments as soon as possible, which by then will have been set up. Remain aloof, and reveal yourself to your husband only. And do so at night, in his tent, where no unwanted eyes can see your unexpected encounter. Is it all clear, my lady?"

You merely nodded frantically with eyes wide in wonder and relief. You practically leapt into the air, quick to grab the first slip you could find and a pair of cheap shoes that you could ruin with all your impending travels. You were about to leave the room, but stopped for a moment at the threshold, before turning back to Agnes to hold her tightly in a warm embrace.

"What would I do without you, my dear. You are even better than a guardian angel, I wouldn't be surprised if one day you left some white feathers behind!" The woman squeezed you affectionately before pushing you away playfully, urging you to get out and go and do whatever she directed. "It is the job of a nurse, to solve a child's problems in the same way as a mother. But hurry now or the battle will be over before you have even found a helmet!"

You laughed lightly as you wiped the dried tears from your cheeks, wasting no more time in rushing to get what was necessary to implement your plan. You rushed in front of the crate containing Baldwin's clothes, tossing robes and shirts in the air until you found breeches fit for a ride. You hastily donned them, then dashed down the long corridors of the palace.

Once in the armoury, you began to spin like a wheel, desperately searching with your eyes for any armour. You weren't picky, anything would have been more than enough: you'd have been fine with just a breastplate, chain mail, simple shoulder straps,… But most of all, you needed a helmet. And that you found almost immediately in your mad search. It was crudely moulded and already bore a few dents on the sides, but you paid no attention to it, it was enough to conceal your identity.

You also found a breastplate, and that was all you needed. You considered taking a sword with you too, but quickly changed your mind: it might be foolish to most, but you hoped that if an enemy found you unarmed, his honour would prevent him from challenging you to a fight.

And then, your focus on your sword quickly faded as you remembered that you still had no horse to reach the battlefield. Running awkwardly, like a child ambitiously trying on his father's far too large armour, you stepped back into the corridors, this time frantically searching with your eyes for a servant to follow towards the back exit.

It must have been a hilarious scene from an outside observer, a burly swineherd looking perplexed over his shoulder as a half-armed knight los eguiva like a tin puppet through the narrow corridors. But the scene was short-lived, for after a couple of turns you finally reached the palace exit, and emerged into the crowded streets of the city.

I had to move my helmet slightly above my eyes to better see the road around you, scanning the area for any horse. You could only see two camels, a few cows, a hen with her small flock of chicks, but no horse in sight. But just when you were about to give up hope, a mysterious force swept over you.

More than mysterious force, you were almost overwhelmed by a horse held on the bridle by a dirty, smelly man. "Out of the way, kid!" Looking at the man with wide eyes, taking good care to make sure your helmet covered your features well, you strained to speak in the most naturally deep voice you could muster, attempting to fool the yokel into mistaking you for a mere boy.

"Sir how much… how much are you asking for your horse?" He laughed, opening his mouth wide and exposing his few remaining teeth, yellow and frayed, and looked at you with a look of paucity and mockery, "You're going off to war without even a horse? The Saracens will impale you like a spit, son. Not that the battle would do you any good either way, with the child king we have, they will all be wiped out. before they even reach those bloody Arabs!”

You clenched your jaw so tightly that you thought your teeth might blow out from the pressure, so hard were you trying to suppress your anger at that disrespectful commoner. Breathing slowly, trying to calm your nerves, you spoke in stiff, icy words, "30 shillings. And you leave me the saddle" The man's eyes widened, incredulous at how much a young man was willing to pay for his old, shabby horse. But he wasn't complaining at all; in fact, better for him if the thirst for war drove the youth of today to such lengths. If only he had known that it was not the bloodlust of a daring young man that was before him, but instead the affectionate madness of a desperate wife.

He did not even answer, stretched out his open hand in front of him where a moment later a bag full of coins fell. He opened it for good measure, making sure the hefty sum was true. When he was satisfied, he slowly handed you the bridle, dazed by the small fortune he was holding.

You hoisted yourself awkwardly onto the horse, and it was not a quick operation as it seemed almost impossible for you not to fall off the horse, so much was the armor restricting your every move and weighing you down. After a few minutes of tribulation, you finally steadied yourself in the saddle and with a firm gesture of your leg, spurred the steed, which galloped off in an instant.

At a gallop, the city didn't seem nearly so big. Nor did the streets seem so crowded, perhaps because the people spread out like the sea in front of Moses as you passed, trying to escape the unpleasant fate of being swept away by the running horse and its mysterious rider. You felt as if you were sailing through the waves of the sea, with people's heads bobbing up and down, a current of movement pushing you closer and closer to the city gates. No one paid much attention to you as you crossed the threshold into the kingdom of heaven, most just thought you were a careless rider who had fallen behind, perhaps this was your first battle. Whatever your problem was, it was not about the wall guards. And so your figure disappeared from the sight of the remaining citizens in the city, vanishing into the vastness of the endless desert.

You did not know quite how long you rode, how many hours it took you before you began to locate even the slightest trace of the passage of the army of Jerusalem. At first it was only small details, marks left on the ground, mainly trinkets possibly dropped to the soldiers during the ride. Then the signs of their passage became more prominent, when around a small oasis you even found a few abandoned spears, probably forgotten back by some careless soldier.

And you stopped there for only a moment, as thirst would have prevented you from going any further. As you drank from the body of water, your mind travelled in thought to your husband; who knows if he too drank from this spring? And if so, how long has it been? Will he be far from here? What would he say when he saw you retracing the passage he and his troops were tracing? At that last thought a shiver ran down your spine, most likely he would not be very happy to know you were so close to danger. You shook your head, trying to rid yourself of the image of the look that Baudouin would give you if he saw you at that moment, alone, barely armed in the vast and merciless desert, with no escort to protect you…

You only hoped that the surprise and joy of seeing you at such a tragic moment might cloud his mind from any concern he might have for you. In the meantime you had quenched your thirst enough. Regaining the reins of your horse, and after a series of ministrations to remount the saddle, you resumed your ride towards the battle with the unknown outcome.

As you rode with the wind blowing in your face, with nothing to entertain or distract you, your mind could not but return again to Baldwin. You could not help it, for fear for his fate had been tearing at your soul for days without respite, ever since it was announced that a battle would take place.

Baldwin was too young for all this. He was barely of marriageable age, he could barely reign without a regent at his side, he was hardly considered more than a child, many nobles even refused to call him an adult! And then there was his illness, which although not yet crippling, had already begun to expand its deadly effect on his body, numbing his nerves and making it impossible for him to wield his right hand properly. It was really unfair, that a man in his condition should lead an army to what everyone considered certain death.

Death at the hands of the Saracens, who were rumoured to be as many as ten times the number of the army of Jerusalem. A sob escaped from your mouth, followed by a faint stream of tears that ran down your cheeks, but they were short-lived on your face, the dry desert wind dried them in no time.

Only an instant seemed to pass, time to bring a hand to his face to wipe away the dried saline tears. Yet when your gaze focused again on the landscape in front, you saw a few hundred metres away a series of white tents, a few faint rows of smoke rising in the air, a massive cross set with precious gems, leaning against a rough wooden construction. It was the camp of the Jerusalem army.

Getting off your horse, you advanced hesitantly through the camp. Looking around, you noticed the stunned gazes of soldiers and horsemen watching you, some intrigued by your unkempt armor, some confused by your clumsy way of moving. But although the attention of their gazes made you stop breathing, fearing that you had been discovered, but fortunately it was short-lived, all the men were too tired from the exertions of the journey to investigate even this oddity. Taking you for an inexperienced little boy, they looked away from you and proceeded to drag their aching limbs back to their respective tents.

But although no one gave you more than the attention you give any stranger on the street, your heart would not stop beating furiously in its cage. You quivered at the mere thought of seeing your husband again, who although he had recently separated from you, already felt as if you had not seen him for an eternity. And your soul screamed at the idea that this might be the last time you would see him alive, and urged your legs to move faster. From hesitant strides, your gait grew brisk, impatient, and faster and faster until you burst into a frantic run through the expanse of white tents.

You scanned one, two, ten, a hundred, so many that by now they seemed to you an endless bundle of the same white cloth. But although your hope gave no sign of existing from your mission, your legs were beginning to give out under the constant strain you had subjected your body to for endless hours. You had no choice but to stop to catch your breath, resting your hands on your trembling thighs as you gasped for breath. And it was in that very instant, while you neither heard nor saw anything but the roar of your heart echoing in your ears and the rough ground flattened by the heavy footsteps of the soldiers, dark because of the blurred evening light, that you heard it. That voice.

"We will discuss this tomorrow, now I need the rest" "Certainly, my lord." The dialogue was followed by a knight of high lineage who came out of the tent in front of which you had pulled up to rest. He did not even dignify you with a glance, and you could not care less, for it was not him you were interested in. He was the first man to speak who had captured your complete attention, making the whole world fade away around you. It was a jovial voice, full of life despite obvious tiredness. It was a boy's voice. It was Baldwin's voice.

You sidled up to the curtain of the tent and, before opening your mouth, breathed slowly, tending not only to ease your nerves but also to modulate your voice to make it more masculine, deeper. The deception was to be revealed only when you were alone in the tent, away from prying eyes.

"My king, I know you are now bereft of strength, but grant me a brief interview with your majesty." You could visualize him rolling his eyes, puffing silently and running his good hand over his eyes, as he was always wont to do when any courtier demanded his attention while he was already lying in your arms. And as whenever this familiar event took place, similarly Baldwin made an effort in this case to stand up and mutter a reply, unaware that the subject behind the cloth was not just any boy, but his beloved wife. "I'm afraid I'm in no condition for a meeting at the moment. We will discuss whatever you need tomorrow." Panic grew in you hearing him so indisposed. After all, you should have expected it; he had more to think about than granting an interview to an anonymous soldier. In an instant, however, you changed your strategy, if you couldn't convince him you would have to bait him, "Please, sir, give me a few minutes! I bring with me a great surprise, a gift that I know will fill your heart with joy and restore your energy!"

He paused, as if weighing his options. At least that was what you thought, but in truth Baldwin was wondering if he was going crazy. If he had only dreamed, due to exhaustion and fatigue, that the voice speaking to him from outside the tent was not any young man's, but a disguise meant to hide the angelic melodic voice of his beloved wife. Were it really her, Baldwin would not have wasted a moment in throwing open the door for her, taking her into his arms and carrying her to his momentary abode, where her presence alone could be savored by him.

But he knew it could not be possible: you, his beloved wife whose image constantly pervaded his mind, were thousands and thousands of feet away, safe within the walls of your palace, as you had promised him. It was just not possible that you were the one hiding outside the tent, his hopes were just a cruel game of his mind. But by now his attention had been caught by the stranger so eager to talk to the king, to give him this phantom gift. Perhaps there would have been cause for concern, for thought of possible deception or assault by an enemy spy, but Baldwin did not give the thought more than a second's attention, before sighing softly and turning away, gazing back at the white fabrics of the tent. "Very well, come forward then. I hope this surprise you tell me about is really that formidable."

You came close to slinging yourself into the tent, throwing yourself into Baldwin's arms in an instant, and never letting go. But you still couldn't do it; it was too risky. You merely placed a hand on the side of the fabric that closed the curtain, pulling it to go through and letting it fall back behind you. And there you stood, facing Baldwin, clad in that armor far too large for your size, your heart pounding wildly from both the fatigue of the journey and the excitement. And he slowly, with a phlegm as elegant as the waters of a stream, turned to reveal the identity of his mysterious visitor, and you had already freed your face from the tortuous confines of the helmet you had worn for endless hours.

His eyes widened, wide as never before. Perhaps for the first time in his life, Baldwin could say he was truly, truly surprised. A thousand emotions passed from his face, from astonishment, to joy, to anger, and then to sadness, and then to astonishment again. For a moment he seemed about to open his mouth, but he stopped, opting instead to run to you, putting his arms around you, holding you tight and lifting you off the ground so tight was his grip. "My affection, how can you be so foolish! This is no place for you, so far from home, close to the enemy… You promised me you would stay safe, let me go, let me protect you! How could you do something so rash, you who are always so wise? Alone through the desert, what if the enemy had met you before I got here? What would I have done if your lifeless body, tortured by the Saracens, had been brought to me?"

His voice was exhausted, worn out by weariness and emotion that blocked his throat and threatened to make hot tears fall from his white cheeks. His words were harsh and stern, but devoid of any reproach: it was his fear speaking, his fear of seeing you the next day among the stacked bodies of war victims. And as he spoke he held your arms, shook you lightly, and in the process interrupted himself to place chaste kisses on your face, as if through the touch of his lips he was trying to convince himself that you were really there, standing before him. That it was not a mere illusion, a game of his mind.

Gently, with a touch as light as the morning wind, your hands went up his chest to his beautiful face, which you lovingly cupped. "I swore before God that I would not abandon my place at your side until the breath leaves my body. I have enjoyed with you wealth, pomp, and good fortune. But what you have granted me to witness is only half of the aspects of a nuptial union. Poverty, sickness, and the misery of war are the woes that touch every human being, and which two spouses are expected to face together. So now, my king, I beseech you, do not deny me a place at your side as you fight for the honor and freedom of the Holy Land, do not deny me a duty that has been mine since you and I were joined in eternity. It is unjust what you have subjected me to, to have to watch you ride away from me, toward the worst of dangers! And how could you think I would let you go just like that, without opening my mouth? Now we are even, I have retraced the path you yourself have traced, as bereft of safety as you were bereft of my presence. And now together we face this mortal danger, which, however, will never hold a candle to the pain that distance from you brings me!"

Baldwin's eyes softened, though they had a melancholy note in them. He inhaled with shuddering breath, and his grip became softer on your body, his hands descended from his arm to your waist, always holding you as close as physically possible.

"I was always told that silence honors women. This does not suit you, for depriving you of speech robs you of the royalty that makes you my queen. I ask your forgiveness, my angel, for leaving you alone in such a dark time. But try to understand my choice, how self-centered would I have been to ask you to come with me, in the midst of the greatest danger? It was simply too much for me, my beloved, the burden on my heart, begging me to do all that was permissible to keep you safe, even if that necessitated keeping you away from me. You are too far away now for me to send you back to the palace with an escort, and my heart could not bear to part with you for even another hour. You will stay here, ruling your people as you should. But please do not do me the wrong of setting foot on that bloody battlefield tomorrow. If even God decides that tomorrow my hour has come, and I fall lifeless on the bloody ground, do not move a step, do not show any sign of weakness. Don't follow me into the afterlife, don't even think about it: I know full well that I will never have the honor of lying eternally by your side, I am not worthy of it, so don't jeopardize your precious life in the name of an eternity by my side."

You did not respond, and silence fell. Squeezing together for another moment, you broke away shortly thereafter only to move to the bed set up in his tent, not as luxurious as his usual palace bed but certainly far more comfortable than the hay bunks in which soldiers elsewhere rested. Clinging to each other, you remained silent for a few moments. Or maybe it was hours, neither of you knew. Nor did you care, knowing how much time had passed, how much more separated you from the inescapable fate that awaited you the next day. Silent tears streaked your faces, sobs and sighs filled the air of the room. Then, you took courage to open your mouth, your voice soft and melancholy, weakened by weeping. "How unfair is our fate, affection. How bitter is my soul, knowing that tomorrow I must witness such a slaughter, an open-air slaughterhouse in which you yourself may become yet another victim."

As your first response you heard a snort from your husband, who squeezed you tighter for a moment, as if to secure you beside him, engulf you in his body. His lips pressed against your temple, placing a gentle kiss there, and they remained resting there even as he began to speak, "I know, I know my angel. I too wish things were simpler, that I could retire from this world, go and live with you, away from all this chaos, all this violence. You don't know how much I would have liked to abdicate, to leave the throne to Sybilla and her husband. They would have been good rulers, if only dear William had not passed away so soon. And so we have only to live like this, my beloved. To live perpetrated by the duties and horrors that mankind is capable of, all in the name of God's affection," a pause, a look that said a thousand silent words, and then resumed, "in the name of my affection for you… Tomorrow it will be an honor for me to fight, for like the valiant Lancelot, who fought to his last breath in the name of beautiful Guinevere. I do not care if my life will be endangered, if I return wounded and maimed more than leprosy is already reducing me. No, I don't care, because at the end of the day, whether my heart still beats or not, I know that I will return to lie in your arms.

And that makes up for all the injustices I will have to face." The last words were whispered, softened by a deep affection that numbed the senses and made everything as graceful as the clouds in the sky.

More tears streamed down your rosy cheeks, but you tried to conceal them by hiding your face in the crease of Baldwin's neck. The tone grew sterner for a moment as he resumed speaking, intimating you to listen with a grip on your shoulder. "Just promise me that, in case the battle goes badly, and I am dead and defeated and my whole army with me, promise me that you will escape, as far away as you can. Find shelter at the dwellings of those who have abstained from this conflict, find asylum in churches and in any sacred place you can find. Do whatever you can in order to protect your life. Protect what has always been dearest to me, your life."

"I will, I promise." You would have liked to retort, or much less say what he wanted to hear without really thinking it. But deception did not suit you, not toward Baldwin at least. And the mere thought that that might be his last will, which made you want to throw yourself to the ground and cry every tear you had in your body, also made it impossible for you to disobey that simple request, which after all was the request that you care for your own body and soul.

Whether Baldwin had taken your word for it or not, you were not sure, it was hard to say. It didn't matter, both of you were too tired to linger talking any longer, contrary to your usual routine of endless discussions on all kinds of topics. He whispered something to you in his native tongue, and although the language was vaguely unfamiliar to you and fatigue clouded your mind, you could still discern a sweet "I love you" among the words he spoke.

The next day your awakening was similar to the day Baldwin left Jerusalem: alone in bed, the place where your husband lay still warm. Outside the men were shouting orders and the horses were pawing in irritation at the din. In the distance you could hear the cries of the Saracens approaching, and the horns of war echoing in the air. You tried to peep your head out of the tent, but a guard surprised you right in front of the entrance. "My lady, his majesty has ordered that you do not leave the tent until the battle is over." The tone was authoritative and gentle at the same time, but his spear was stretched across the opening of the tent, an admonition far more direct than his words. You obeyed, as you had promised Baldwin that same evening, and without protest you retreated back inside the small temporary dwelling.

And so you stood there, alone and unaware of what was unfolding beyond the white tent. The last sound you were able to discern was your beloved's voice inciting his men to battle, before the din of war produced such a cacophony that it was impossible to understand a single sentence spoken. They rode for a few hundred meters until they reached the place where the battle would take place. They rode so far that the din they caused as they passed became muffled, barely audible. And perhaps it was for the best, for the distance muffled the atrocious sounds of war, of slaughter.

And so you waited there, within the four fabric walls, white as snow, that you feared at every moment might be stained with blood, friend or foe. You waited for the outcome of the battle, dumb with fear, with tension. You awaited Baldwin's return, dead or alive, victorious or defeated. And you did so by standing there, closer to him than was possible, exhausted and restless at the same time.

A/N: Yallll this was LONGGGG. i really really like how this turned out, and i hope you do too! I'm really sorry for how long it took me to write this piece, but I promise the following ones will take much much less🙏🙏🙏 Anyway, now I gotta go start working on those, feel free to leave a comment or feedback about this fic<3<3

#king baldwin x reader #kingdom of heaven #fluff #king baldwin iv #anonymous #f!reader #writers on tumblr #my fic #historical fiction #historical inaccuracies

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