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chidoroki · 3 years

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Isabella - 73584

I had a serious debate with myself over whether or not I wanted to sit down and spend my weekend writing another one of these praise posts. I was content with just doing one for each of the Fullscore Trio kids and ending it there.. but apparently I love this woman too much to just ignore her on her birthday. So here were are on September 9th with a list of all her best and my personal favorite moments as to why I believe she’s such a great character, antagonist and mother (yeah you heard me right). Considering she only shows up in the beginning and very end of the story, this post ended up longer than I originally anticipated, which just goes to show how many thoughts I really have about this woman. (for real, this rivals Ray’s post in terms of points but there’s far more words)

Since she also has some backstory and certain events differ between manga and anime (thanks to the second season), I’ll try to go in chronological order between both timelines instead of chapter by chapter, which might be a bit confusing as we’ll jump around the story a lot but just to bear with me as I try to makes sense of it all.

(spoilers for the entirety of The Promised Neverland & ch181.7, so if you haven’t read/completed the manga yet, consider this your first warning, because I’m literally going from start to finish with this one last time. I promise.)

- I’m not sure how well she compares to Emma when it comes to athleticism, but Isabella seemed to have no trouble climbing up and down trees when she was younger.

- Not only that, but she managed to scale the wall by herself using a method that requires a fairly impressive jump. It’s also implied that this is how she climbs the wall again so many years later when chasing the soon-to-be escapees, which helps prove that even at an older age, she hasn’t lost her touch.

- Was chosen to undergo training to become a Mom, which required high test scores and the current mother’s recommendation. She accepted the offer in order to keep living and survive as human the demons couldn’t eat.

- Based on Sienna’s comment, is it fair to say Isabella is on par with the full score trio? I mean, the woman is basically flawless.

- She was practically untouchable during her time at headquarters while training too apparently. Mom positions are scarce so the environment where these ladies fight (physically/mentally/emotionally) to even snag that job is highly competitive, and yet Isabella never let anyone deter her from her goal of becoming a Mom, which probably led to the “Iron Lady” nickname she received now that I think about it.

- She was the youngest ever to be granted the Mom position at..what, 19? 20? Somewhere around there, but impressive nonetheless considering they’re forced to have a child, build up a strong, emotionless exterior and endure so much fear. (but my goodness, the woman doesn’t age at all. she looks just as good when the story actually starts as she did her when she was a bit younger)

- It became common knowledge among the Sisters that she was also very successful in the way she raised her children.

- Her success greatly benefited the farm, as she offered up countless high quality goods, which sounds terrible, I know, but believe me when I say she gave her best effort for her children. Even though she held the Mom position, the amount of power she actually had in this system was pretty minimal, especially with how much she valued her own life. She couldn’t afford to make any mistakes or risky changes, so she settled with doing the most with what she was capable of. She provided her children with a normal lifestyle, not only to keep up the orphanage facade, but knowing that their lives would all be cut shorter than they anticipate. She gave them love in hopes that no one would ever have to feel the dread she felt after Leslie’s death and/or finding out the truth. She tried to delay that horrific fate by encouraging them to learn all they can (like teaching the trio about strategy and chess) so they could achieve higher tests scores and (unknowingly to them) add a couple more months or years onto their lives. Yes it was her job to raise these children to such high standards but she excelled at it for their sake too.

- And I know y’all will just throw Ray in my face like, “oh but he was her actual child and she treated him horribly/different.” Okay but deep down I don’t think she actually wanted to? When they both realized they were truly mother and son, Isabella couldn’t just dote on him and start treating him as such. I’m sure Ray wasn’t too fond of Isabella at this point in his life either, knowing that she sent several of his siblings away to get killed. They probably would’ve gotten along just fine in a perfect world, but since they were both aware of the hell they’re trapped living in, they emotionally distanced themselves and formed a business-like relationship as a result of Ray’s deal, which benefited them both in different ways. For Ray, it was more practical, with the obvious notion of living as long as possible along with obtaining various rewards and knowledge of the outside world. For Isabella, it helped emotionally by simply just ignoring their true relation. I believe if she clung to that realization, it would break the orphanage illusion and eventually wear down her “Iron Lady” exterior that she relies so heavily on.

- Like can you imagine how much you would have to harden your heart in order to quite literally walk children to their death every couple months for years on end and just move on like it’s completely normal? Now imagine how earth shattering it must be to think about doing the same to your actual child. All those years spent perfecting a fake smile and emotionless exterior like she was trained to have and her son shatters it in an instant. She becomes completely terrified about how he’s actually alive and in front of her right now and there’s nothing she can do to truly save him.. and yet she still recovers so damn quickly I can’t even comprehend it! But there’s still some sadness in those eyes. You can’t tell me otherwise. That one moment of weakness speaks volumes to me.

- So now with her general backstory FINALLY out of the way, we can finally start with ch01/ep01 and how her laugh is sweet and innocent. I say that because (all hidden emotions and motives aside) that’s exactly how she’s supposed to sound in this moment, not only to us but to the children as well.

- She of course checks Emma’s tracker a moment later but other than that I still think it’s a pretty genuine moment between the two.

- As previously stated, her ability to raise high quality children is unmatched, which is clear as day thanks to the fullscore trio.

- Despite their crazy level of intelligence, the trio has yet to win a simple game of chess against Isabella, even when teamed up.

- She treasures everything about the kids.

- She really cares about them, even when it’s time to send them off with a smile, which we know is thanks to her strong facade.

- But mother dearest isn’t really fine. She doesn’t like walking kids to their death, especially so young. But she can’t let them (or even herself) know that. She can’t show weakness, so she hums Leslie’s song, which is a tool she’s used for years in order to give herself strength.

- Don’t worry, I disliked her this moment happened too, just as the story intended. And here’s where her fantastic antagonist role begins for all the world to see.

- A true champ at jump scares.

- Acts completely calm the night after a couple of kids found out the secret of the farm.

- She uses the tracker in plain sight, sending whomever went to the gate last night a threatening but silent message.

- Correct Norman, that’s the “Iron Lady” for ya. Also the name of ch03 for us. Well, “The Iron Woman” but same difference.

- She switches from calculating and manipulative breeder to sweet and pleasant mother so quickly and effortlessly it’s incredible. Isabella even checked Emma’s pulse in this scene to see if she was acting normal.

- At this point she still had no idea who went to the gate (Ray didn’t tip her off yet, at least I don’t think so) but her guess couldn’t have been more precise. The level of fear she drives into both Emma and Norman was great too, but then again her presence is enough in any scene to give us chills.

- Notices her watchdog isn’t at his usual post and starts to get suspicious.

- Not only of him, Emma and Norman, but Don and Gilda as well, thus giving the five extra chores to finish in an attempt to slow down any escape planning, such as cleaning vacant rooms, organizing the pantry and inspecting spare linen.

- While the trio believes Isabella was being too soft and patient in finding her targets, she effectively catches them off guard by bringing in Krone for assistance. The trio soon realize they were actually preparing the sister’s new room and those mundane chores were just an excuse to buy time.

- Look at her, all smug. Checkmate indeed. (and totally not important, but her eyes are such pretty shades of purple)

- The sass and her no nonsense attitude.

- Immediately puts Krone in her place the moment she even thinks about shipping out the targets. Of course holding off on shipping the targets would benefit the farm, as it would produce higher quality merchandise as time passes, but plant 3 is run by Isabella and she’ll be damned if an assistant thinks they could waltz right in and decide her children’s fate.

- She check’s Emma tracker again despite her claim of knowing exactly who the targets might be. You can never be too careful.

- Her precious children managed to win a game of tag against Krone, which is still impressive considering the kind of training the sister has gone through, so kudos to her teachings.

- Knows right away that Krone was trying to take advantage, which allows Krone to realize that the opening she had to learn more about the children was all planned by Isabella herself. Her intimidating nature is enough to scare adults too.

- Reveals that Krone was mostly summoned in order to keep Ray in check after his failure.

- Despite the trust issue, Isabella still keeps up her end of the deal by requesting the items Ray asked for, thanks to the odd perks she had under Grandma Sarah which allowed her to order goods that weren’t on the supply list.

- This hug between her and Phil is just too cute not to mention.

- I imagine she makes this comment because she knows exactly how long a rope must be based off her own almost-escape.

- It’s just something about how this scene is framed alongside this dialogue that makes me think “oh, like mother, like son.”

- I blame her very thoughtful planning for my first big freak out when I watched season 1 blind, like ma’am that’s my favorite boy, please don’t.

- She conspires with Grandma Sarah in order to get rid of Krone for good, which renders the evidence sister just found out about the children’s escape completely useless. Sarah believes there might be some truth to it, but ultimately ignores it and puts her faith in Isabella’s ability of controlling the children & the situation.

- She then cuts Ray off and ends their six-year long deal, opting to control the situation herself from now on. Also, how she wanted to keep him around until the very end is kinda bittersweet. Does she mean as merchandise? Or because she wanted him to live as long as possible? Ah such a tricky little comment.

- She also tosses him across the room like a rag doll.

- Thank god for this panel existing and actually being adapted into the anime so I could hear it because I had absolutely no memory of her laughing in this moment.

- “She says it so nonchalantly,” Norman said once upon a time, and it’s still so frightening.

- As insane as her ideals seem given the circumstances, nothing she says here is really a lie.

- She has the strength to quite literally break a leg and that cracking noise still haunts me to this day.

- It wasn’t even a spur of the moment thing either. Isabella came fully prepared with bandages to fix up any injury she was willing to inflict and that thought alone is terrifying.

- Not only that, but she broke it so cleanly that Emma’s leg does indeed heal perfectly in the exact time frame she estimates. This entire moment is so unfairly impressive, like ma’am how dare you do this to Emma of all people.. like why couldn’t you at least use that kind of force to snap Peter’s neck instead or something?

- To make matters worse, she then reveals Norman’s shipment date. And it’s the following day, which sends the kids into a very understandable panic.

- Needless to say, November 2nd, 2045 was a very successful day in the life of Isabella. Woman was putting everyone in checkmate in ep08 and my anger on full blast.

- This sly smile she sends Ray’s way after announcing Norman’s shipment to the younger kids is so cruel.. it’s perfect.

- I can only imagine she asked about Ray’s whereabouts because she knew the boys were close friends and she hoped they would at least say goodbye to one another, but that’s just me.

- Puts an end to Norman’s parting words in such a simple and chilling matter.

- The way she just openly threatens Emma with others just out of earshot.

- Norman out here asking the real questions. If anything, I say she’s more “content” rather than happy. I don’t think she’s ever really thought about her own happiness, at least not often enough, hence the slight pause. This entire time she’s been focusing on how to make her children’s lives perfect, but for herself she just wants to survive in this hellish world they’re all living in.

- I’m honestly still not sure who’s final decision it is to send people to Lambda, either Isabella, Peter or someone else (honestly never bothered to check), but whether or not Isabella had any say in the matter, I’m sure she’s at least a little glad that Norman gets to live a bit longer? Perhaps that’s a stretch, but I’m putting the idea here anyway.

- I say this because I believe that’s part of the reason why she offered Emma a Mom recommendation, not only because our girl’s high test scores, but in hopes that she could live a longer life.

- Although she really stresses in an intimidation fashion how pointless Emma’s efforts are now that Norman’s “dead,” the cliff remains a major hazard and her leg is still bandaged up, Isabella still tries so hard to convince her to give up, like Ray has, in order for Emma to end her own suffering. It was the first instance during my blind watch-through were I started to get the hint that Isabella might actually care about her kids, and of course I know now it’s because she didn’t want Emma to experience the same pain she did after Leslie’s death.

- With Emma and Ray both broken, things went by rather smoothly for Isabella those last two months, though she continued to keep a close eye on them.

- Her humming is so soothing. And why it took me this long to bring up “Isabella’s Lullaby” is beyond me, but oh my god, that song and any other soundtrack that uses its melody is absolute perfection.

- Had enough sense to not let her guard down the final night, even though her efforts were ultimately unsuccessful, but the idea counts.

- Though her caretaker side is focused on more during the fire, some motherly instincts do kick in as she instructs Gilda to get the babies from her room and lead everyone outside to safety. She was also concerned for Emma’s well being, hoping all the smoke didn’t get to her when the girl vanished. (i know you can argue “she’s only worried because they’re merchandise” which is fair but c’mon, i swear she’s not completely heartless)

- Took a hot minute (ahha) but Isabella eventually realized that the kids were actually escaping solely based on what they were wearing on their feet. I’m sure Emma’s discarded left ear was a big tip off too but to come to that conclusion by noticing the shoes they had on during all that chaos is surprising.

- She looks completely insane here but I always thought this shot of her was nicely animated with all the fire (or embers? sparks? whatever they are) flying around. The laugh she does before this is also a nice bonus. Oh, and she somehow managed to secure a radio from the room Don had locked.

- Figured the fifteen kids would head towards the bridge and called in headquarters to block it off.

- But when the children didn’t appear at the bridge, she just happened to know exactly where else they might try to cross the cliff.

- In the anime’s case, Isabella climbed the wall and ran there quick enough to engage in a stare down with Emma before she finally slid down.

- The moment I knew I was doomed.

- After the 15 kids successfully escaped, Isabella admits defeat, for she couldn’t really see how much her children have grown to outsmart her.

- This iconic quote, which conveys so much truth and sincerity. There were multiple occasions where she had to distance and restrain herself due to the system that controlled her, but the love she was able to show the children was genuine. If she wasn’t held back by the strict rules enforced by Mom position, I don’t doubt she would’ve treated Ray better or became far more emotional whenever a child had to leave for good or seriously injured, instead of donning a fake smile and being closed off.

- She realizes with this unspeakable loss in merchandise, the reputation she worked so hard to build up is meaningless now and that the farm no longer has any use for such an incompetent caretaker. She figures she’s as good as dead anyway now, so she wastes no time in actually helping the escapees by reclaiming the ropes to hide their exact method and route of escape, if only to grant the kids some extra time before the pursuers really locate them.

- She doesn’t act bitter as a result of her loss, instead choosing to wish the escapees luck with the future they grasped for themselves and care for the children that were left behind.

- She’s just so pretty y’all. Thank you anime.

- She was named “Best Antagonist” (and rightfully so!) back during the 2020 Crunchyroll Anime Awards, winning over Askeladd (Vinland Saga), Overhaul, (My Hero Academia), Garoua (One Punch Man,) & others.

(Post-season 1 spoilers ahead, even though the anime is completely finished at this point, but will be touching upon her special chapter more as well.)

- Completely owns up to her mistakes that caused the farm a massive loss in profitable goods and is ready to received whatever punishment necessary, which she expects to be death.

- Only.. she’s not being killed, she’s actually being promoted to Grandma. Though Isabella was directly responsible for the children’s escape, the blame ultimately falls on Sarah who couldn’t correctly control Isabella, thus leading the old lady to be shipped out in place of the goods Isabella lost.

- Peter also notes that the farm found more worth in Isabella than Sarah, so her past merits also played a part in sparing her life, as having a woman like Isabella in charge would surely produce the level of quality the farm needs.

- Isabella eventually accepts the promotion, though she can’t help but feel hesitant and shocked about the whole deal. This woman was ready to embrace death and finally be free from this cruel world, but now she has to witness not only more kids being shipped off, but moms and sisters in training as well (yay old chapter reviews coming in clutch).

- She could have very well just refused Peter’s offer, but we all know how much Isabella originally wanted to survive, so she doesn’t just accept because this man dangled a sense of freedom in her face, she also agreed so she could have the opportunity to help her children in any way her newfound power would allow her.

- Of course, her transition to Grandma happens a bit differently in the second season, but I will give some bittersweet thanks to the anime once more for the obvious but curse them for also having this entire scene dark as hell. Let me see her beauty darn it! I can only fix the lighting so much until it looks overexposed and bad again.

Anyways, Sarah is still alive at this point and taunts Isabella with the escapee’s lives just to see how she would react, which gave her a small sense of hope. Then some demons pay a visit later on and also ask if she would want to see the children one last time, but Isabella tells them that not only would she be too ashamed to face them but that they would manage to survive Grandma’s capture plan, which involved several men blowing up their shelter. It’s now clear to the demons that these children are special, and while Isabella agrees, it’s not for the same reason the demons think so. The demons believe the kids are special because of how they were raised to such a high quality. Isabella calls them special simply because they’re her children, just as any mother would.

- In the anime, it’s the demons who offer Isabella the Grandma deal if Sarah’s current plan were to fail (which it does) and she takes it and the freedom from Grace Field House without question. Do I still believe she had similar intentions to help out the children like she did in manga at this point? Of course.

- Not even a full month into her new job did she start preparing to help Emma & the others by considering who from the current Sisters she wanted to recruit to personally assist her destroy the farm entirely.

- A month later and Isabella had already decreased the number of shipments that took place at Grace Field, which obviously helps raise the quality of the children by default, but it also means less death and gives those kids a chance to live longer.

- She completely anticipated that Matilda, Jessica, Sienna & Scarlet were conspiring against her and caught them quite easily, as they were among the top scorers.

- Each had a fair chance at becoming Moms but with those positions limited, it was obvious to figure out they were trying to force Isabella’s seat open by creating some suspicious activity to place on her almost perfect record. Unfortunately for the girls, our new Grandma is too smart for her own good and I love it.

- The four women are apprehensive to join her insane plan to go against the farm, but Isabella assures them there’s no freedom if they follow the system’s rules and betray her. The harsh reality they’re all living in will continue unless they stop competing with one another and combine forces to defeat the true enemy.

- To persuade them further, Isabella mentions the children they all gave birth to are still alive, bringing out an array of emotions from the women that they each thought they had buried deep down.

- THIS! Just all of this is wonderful and shows just how much Isabella learned from her children who once defeated her.

- To fully gain the women’s trust, she gives them Ray’s farewell note that he originally left in order to bait Krone, as proof she won’t double-cross them at any point.

- I love the fact that she kept the note close to her because it acts just like all the other various toys and items she saved in her secret room back at plant 3. The original owners were all precious to her so she kept a piece of them behind to remember them in a place only she knew about. As I said before when mentioning her “I wish I could have just loved them normally” quote, all the love she had for her children had to be suppressed when she was under the system’s control, but that doesn’t mean she never cared. Because she did, and if I haven’t made at least that clear by now then I’m failing.

- Can her intentions and love for her children be any more clear? (possibly, i’m not done with this darn post yet. how you guys holding up? i’m going a little insane at this point.)

- Anyways! Second season didn’t make the rest of the story easy so apologies for any timeline mishaps as I switch between both anime and manga events from here on out.. like how in manga Isabella is informed of the escapee’s return to Grace Field via Peter, while the in the anime it’s her who helps lures them back with a fake transmission via the radio they stole.

- Just before Emma & the others do return to Grace Field on November 13, Isabella finally reaches out to the farm’s many other Sisters to recruit them. She waited until the right moment to inform them of her crazy takeover plan so Peter wouldn’t become suspicious from all of headquarters acting/thinking differently (you know, like how Emma kept the jailbreak plan under wraps until the night of). These ladies also feel a bit wary and even think of Isabella’s offer as a joke, but with some real, heartfelt encouragement, she manages to win over every single woman to her side.

- The moment when it was first revealed to us that she was not only still alive but was also promoted to Grandma is still so powerful.

- She snaps Nat’s finger back into place after Peter broke it. (and considering emma’s group infiltrates the farm right after this, i’m pretty sure that ch170 with rallying the sisters took place before this..i think?)

- Gave me a minor heart attack.

- *CLAPS FRANTICALLY!!!* The moment she truly won me over. 

- While her betrayal against Peter in the manga is fantastic and quite possibly one of my favorite moments, the anime did give us a little something too. It shows Peter spewing utter nonsense to Emma about how she’s destined to fail, only for best girl to bite back with such a fantastic quote, and then Isabella drops the act and switches sides. While I agree Emma’s comeback is “wonderful,” it’s the English dub that completely wins me over in this scene by having Isabella comment “Now that’s my girl” instead, like bro.. hearing that makes me so happy.

- For real dude, you have several highly skilled women pointing guns at you, I think her betrayal is crystal clear.

- This is like the perfect example of how she had to conceal her feelings while bound by the system. She just misses these kids so much y’all but she can’t let her true emotions show yet.

- Having her call Peter a boy is beyond hilarious to me. Also, how she disagrees with him on so many levels is excellent, like how he believes in experimenting on kids and having the right to call yourself their parent just because you created them, while Isabella believes in raising and loving children normally and that you earn that parent title by actually being part of their lives. To be fair they both inflicted pain on kids (Nat’s finger/Emma’s leg) but Peter’s action was a mistake in itself. Isabella got frustrated back when Krone even threatened to ship out the kids who discovered the secret, so you can bet she’s probably pissed off at this boy for harming one of her kids on purpose.

- The best mother-daughter moment ever! It’s such a shame it never got truly animated since the second season decided not to give the children guns, but we get to see a small smile from Isabella after Emma decided to still call her “mom.”

- The anime never gave Peter the chance to run away, like he (somehow) managed to do in manga, so we had the chance to see someone actually shoot at him. Well, in his general direction at least. Isabella lands a perfect shot not even a full second after he pulls out that disc. Accuracy on point.

- Said this once or twice in the past in manga so I’m glad the anime brought it back.

- Remains cautious and keeps her gun raised at Peter when Emma approaches him and rightfully so considering he still had his knife hidden at this point.

- Refuses Emma’s offer to join the kids in the human world at first because she knows that her (& the sister’s) actions shouldn’t be forgiven so easily, but with some rather blunt sympathy from Ray and encouragement from her other children, she finally gives in.

- This entire post summed up in one image.

- She apologizes even though distancing herself from her kids and preparing them for death were just required of her role as a caretaker. She wouldn’t have done any of that in a normal world. (do i sound like a broken record yet? probably)

- The emotion you hear in her voice during this entire dub scene hits my heart in all the right places.

- She still thinks of Leslie after all this time and I think that’s real cute.

- Her protective nature is on full display when she protects Emma from this bastard of a demon. A truly surprising and heartbreaking moment, considering this is the woman who’s survival used to be her top and only priority in the past, but now doesn’t hesitate to give her life in order to save her kid (and by extension that small girl emma saved. also, major heart attack for me).

- Despite being critically injured, this woman still possess enough strength to hold back a demon twice her size. She doesn’t even pay any mind to its nonsense. Like the demon, people often think this is when redemption arc starts but I believe it started way back in ch37 when Isabella retrieved and hid the ropes the kids used to escape. Ever since she admitted defeat on the wall that night, she threw caution to the wind and began cheating the system in hopes to one day assist the kids achieve a brighter future. Despite all the work she’s done behind the scenes, Isabella believes there’s still so much more she can do to atone, so even though she’s already received the children’s forgiveness, she continues to assist them by jumping in and saving them directly from demons for once in her life.

- Ma’am it’s sweet you’re so concerned with their safety, but we should be asking you that question ya know? (but then again emma was the same way after she woke up from her coma).

- Knows that just apologizing and saving Emma isn’t enough to suddenly forgive all her actions and wants to do so much more for the children as a result. Even though I already acknowledged all her subtle and hidden moments, I wish we got to see her care for them more openly.

- I simply can not read through ch177 and not get emotional. No matter how hard I try, I always feel tears start to form in my eyes. Oh my god, how cruel that death can be this beautiful. It’s so unfair.

- *uses old chapter review because I’m too upset right now* “She apologizes for everything. For not treating him right and loving him as a mother normally would her own son. For making him despise his life so much and enduring so much pain that he thought the only escape was suicide.”

- “She leaves him with one last wish to protect everyone, and that completely breaks me because you know exactly how much they both care for their family. Not only would they literally die for their family, but they would live for them too if someone asked. Truly like mother, like son.” (aaaaaahhhhh)

- Her, umm.. ghost (along with Conny’s & Yuugo’s) help Ray reunite with Emma in 2049.

- All my tears aside, the anime did something right by actually keeping her ALIVE!

- Have you ever seen something so GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL in all your life?? This image is so powerful it literally tossed aside any salty feelings I had that night with how the second season ended. Seeing her like this grants me so much happiness y’all, it’s truly unbelievable. I still can’t get over it and hopefully I never will.

Okay, now I’m done, thank god. Sorry this is like ridiculously long, especially since she’s absent for sooo many chapters. Also find it so hilarious how drastic my opinion of her changed from the beginning to now, from “bitch” to “oh my god I love her so much.” I know people will always have opposing opinions whether she’s actually a good mother or not and that’s totally fine. Wasn’t trying to convince y’all of that either because yes, some of her actions are real unforgivable, but she was suffering under the farm system too and just followed through with what she was trained to do in order to survive, but while other Sisters fought to climb ranks and help themselves survive, Isabella ultimately wanted the best for her children. The more power she gained, the more risks she took and once the system crashed so did her facade.

An absolute queen.

#the promised neverland #mother isabella #tpn isabella #tpn manga #tpn anime #chidoroki used chatter

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void-galaxy-shenanigans · 3 years

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Infodump/Long Post: Caffeine, Sugar, Dopamine, & ADHD

Hi. I’m Nico. I don’t usually infodump on here but Aiden did before & fellow neurodivergent people seemed to enjoy seeing nd centered content, & people gave him a lot of attention, so…

Here goes I guess. I hope y’all like it.

It’s gonna be a bit long but I found it fascinating so—

So first important thing is, this is based on research studies I found & theories I know, as well as my own observations, & may not be absolutely perfect because of that. But for the purpose of sharing information I’m going to tell you the theories & findings & build from there. Just bear in mind these aren’t set in stone & knowledge could change in the future - this is based on recent/current findings & understanding.

((& I don't want any arguing about the theories, the existence of ADHD, the addictive nature of caffeine/sugar (that's not the central topic here), or the way I formatted this in replies/reblogs please))

——

So many of you may know that ADHDers are affected differently by caffeine (coffee) than non-ADHDers (& neurotypicals). It’s actually been so consistent that I can tell if someone is ADHD or not based on their reaction to coffee - even before they’re diagnosed. It’s generally accepted that stimulants affect ADHDers differently. Coffee/caffeine usually puts ADHDers to sleep, or makes them drowsy, or makes them very focused, & it’s sometimes baffling as an ADHDer that some people can drink coffee to feel energized & jittery (it feels like a lie sometimes). That’s not to say that people who aren’t put to sleep by caffeine can’t have ADHD, but it’s very common to be put to sleep/calmed down by coffee.

Based on my personal experience with coffee, I’ve had a 20 ounce black coffee put me to sleep for four hours. I also, just yesterday, had a 20oz sugared latte & ended up hyperfocusing on this (topic of infodump), rewriting an intro template we made around a year ago, & writing stories (a special interest of mine) for around 6-8 hours total.

Now I think I might know why.

So I suspected the other day that maybe it had something to do with dopamine, & I did some research on how caffeine affects the brain. But because I also know sugared coffee (e.g. syrup-flavoured lattes, which is what I prefer) seem to have a different affect (especially depending on how much sugar you use), I looked into how sugar affects the brain too.

——

This is gonna use a few technical terms so I’ll explain them first for anyone who doesn’t know—

Adrenaline/Epinephrine: “A hormone your body can release (especially when you’re under stress) that increases blood circulation rate (quickens heart beat, strengthens force of heart’s contractions), breathing speed, & carbohydrate metabolism, & prepares your muscles to be used. It’s part of the human ‘fight or flight’ response to fear, panic, or perceived threat. An adrenaline rush can feel like anxiousness, nervousness, or pure excitement as your body & mind prepare for an event.”

Adrenaline Simplified - It gives you heightened energy, excitement, strength, & alertness, & a lot of it will make you jittery, anxious, or panicky.

Serotonin: A neurotransmitter compound which constricts the blood vessels and acts as a neurotransmitter. It’s responsible for influencing/stabilizing mood, feelings of well-being & happiness, cognition, reward, learning, memory, & numerous physiological processes (nausea & vasoconstriction (narrowing (constriction) of blood vessels by small muscles in their walls to slow blood flow)).

Serotonin Simplified - reduces depression, regulates anxiety, heals wounds, stimulates nausea, maintains bone health, helps with sleeping, eating, & digesting, & regulates happiness, well-being, & mood stability; it’s a soother & a happy chemical. A lot of it will make you extremely energetic & jittery.

Dopamine: “A neurotransmitter compound. When dopamine is released in large amounts, it creates feelings of pleasure (happiness, achievement) & reward, which motivates you to repeat specific behaviours; low levels of dopamine are linked to reduced motivation & decreased enthusiasm for things that would excite most people. It controls mental & emotional responses but also motor (physical) reactions. Known for being the “happy hormone”; responsible for the experience of happiness. The anticipation of most types of rewards typically increases the level of dopamine in the brain (anticipatory pleasure), & then you get a larger dose later when you get the reward.”

Dopamine Simplified - It’s your happiness/pleasure response to achievements, rewards, praise, etc. It functions as both motivation & reward, & when it’s functioning properly it’s what keeps you focused on tasks until they’re done.

Residual Dopamine: Dopamine that’s “floating” around in your brain, ready to be deployed as needed to motivate you & help you get through less fun tasks.

Temporary Dopamine: Dopamine that you get as a reward from things like beating a level in a video game, winning the lottery, etc. (accomplishments); is released after an accomplishment or event is over.

Note that typically, these chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, & adrenaline) are supposed to be balanced, & they’re supposed to be generally not very difficult to get. In mentally ill or some neurodivergent brains, however, these chemicals are imbalanced.

——

Now that the technical stuff is out of the way -

Caffeine lowers your serotonin levels, majorly increases dopamine, & releases adrenaline.

Sugar raises all three - serotonin, dopamine, AND adrenaline.

So sugared coffee will raise serotonin, dopamine, & adrenaline levels.

So how does that make them affect ADHDers differently?

——

This part is based on something called Low Arousal Theory (& no that’s not sexual).

Basically, the theory states that what makes an ADHDer appear inattentive or hyperactive has to do with dopamine in the brain - both how much we have & how easy it is to get it.

ADHDers, according to this theory, have lower residual dopamine. This causes an imbalance between dopamine and other neurotransmitter compounds/hormones.

Because of this, then, ADHDers have to rely on temporary hits of dopamine, both to focus & to boost their mood. There are often less ways we can get enough dopamine, since our brain doesn’t pre-produce enough & we thus need more dopamine total to be able to focus. So we end up hyperfocusing on anything that automatically gives large doses of dopamine - which usually ends up being things like TV shows (binge watching), video games (blackout hyperfocus where you play for hours & lose time), & social media (like, scroll, comment, scroll, lots of feedback/reward).

——

(Note in this case sugared coffee can mean coffee with sugar cubes/physical sugar added, coffee with sugary creamer added, coffee with milk added coffee with sugar syrup added, coffee with flavoured sugar syrup added, & coffee with any combination of those added (because those will all add at least a little sugar); & black coffee means coffee/espresso with not even milk added)

So if black coffee raises your dopamine levels, that means, for non-ADHDers, that it makes them energized, jittery, anxious, motivated and alert. Sugared coffee has a more significant/amplified, but similar, affect & this often shows up as shakiness & inattentiveness.

Non-ADHDers will get an artificial imbalance & a whole lot of dopamine, adrenaline, &/or serotonin. Since they already have enough dopamine naturally, this spike causes hyperactive/inattentiveness.

For ADHDers, however, their dopamine levels are low, so black coffee will cause an artificial imbalance but will leave the ADHDer with enough dopamine (higher levels of dopamine) to be motivated to do tasks & focus, & this usually causes focused drowsiness in small doses. Large doses (usually 20+ ounces of black coffee) will put the ADHD brain to sleep.

Sugared coffee though, for an ADHD brain, will cause an artificial balance with higher levels of dopamine, so this usually creates either blackout hyperfocus (medium dose of sugar + medium (16-20oz) coffee), calm focus (large coffee (20-32oz) + some sugar), or amplified hyperactivity (small coffee (8-16oz) + a lot of sugar or large coffee (20-32oz) + a lot of sugar; jittery, jumpiness, running around).

((Note the oz are an estimate & will vary depending on your personal tolerance for caffeine & sugar))

Essentially, sugared coffee could have a similar affect to prescription meds for ADHDers who don’t trust meds, get bad side effects from meds, or aren’t allowed meds? (I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it or say anyone should ditch their meds to try it, especially since coffee can be addictive, but I found it fascinating either way (since it explained (potentially) why black coffee could put me & other ADHDers to sleep).)

It also means being put to sleep by coffee, or suddenly able to Do The Thing™ because of coffee, is ADHD culture. (/lighthearted)

~Nico

#adhd #infodump #low arousal theory #LAT #coffee #caffeine #sugar #adrenaline #dopamine #serotonin #epinephrine #psychology #actually adhd #adhd adult #adhd post #undiagnosed adhd #adhd culture

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hopelesshawks · 3 years

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History of Us Part 12- Your Mother's Daughter

Summary: Once upon a time Todoroki and (y/n) were best friends. Now they haven’t spoken in years. When (y/n) is forced to transfer to UA, will she and Shoto reconnect or will their troubled past keep them apart? A childhood friends to enemies to lovers hybrid fic.

If you don’t want to see History of Us content blacklist #hopelesshou

Warning for canon typical violence

Masterlist Kofi

Bakugo’s text apology, believe it or not, was more eloquent than the one he offers in person but you appreciate the gesture and the brief hug he gives you when he realizes you’ve been crying. “It’s fine dumbass, you made it to the finals now just give it your all,” he huffs. Kirishima also pulls you into a hug, much longer than the one Bakugo had given you, and spends the whole time giving you a motivational speech about how incredibly cool and manly you are and how sure he is that you’ll do even better in the finals. You really are lucky to have the friends that you do. Especially since you anticipate the crowd is about to sour towards you.

All too quickly it’s time to return to the stadium where Principle Nezu is waiting on a raised platform with a box filled with slips of paper with bracket placements on them. The energy in the stadium is electric as the crowd anxiously waits to see what the bracket will be. It’s different than with the first years, where everyone’s an unknown. The crowd recognizes most of the names now from news reports and hero rescues. Dyed hair could only hide you for so long. “We will now call up the finalists one at a time to draw lots for the bracket!” Nezu announces. One by one you hear others around you getting called up. Bakugo, Midoriya, Shoto, Kirishima, Yaoyorozu, Denki, Sero, Hitoshi Shinso, Neito Monoma, Tokoyami, Iida, Uraraka, Jiro, Ibara Shiozaki and Itsuka Kendo all get called to roaring cheers and applause. That’s 15 names. The little fucking rodent had left you for last. Probably likes the idea of the dramatic reveal. “And last but not least, our 16th finalist (y/n) (y/l/n)!” Nezu calls and it’s like the air is sucked from the room as the crowd gets quiet and then starts murmuring to themselves. You keep your head held high as you walk to the stage even as you notice some of your classmates staring at you and the members of class b whispering. You take the last remaining lot with your head held high, throwing a wink at a nearby camera to further show them their displeasure won’t deter you.

You feel the stares of your classmates as you walk back down the stage. It’s them you really care about in all honesty. 3A had been nothing but kind to you since your arrival and it would hurt a little for their friendship to sour (you’re definitely not thinking about someone in particular at that statement) but before anyone can say anything Bakugo and Kirishima are standing next to you protectively. Kirishima links his arm through yours. “Come on, let’s head to the stands while we wait for them to start the first match,” Kiri grins at you. You give him a grateful smile and are pleasantly surprised when the rest of class a seems to fall in line behind you. None of them look at you any differently, there’s no shift in the atmosphere or added tension. Even as you can feel the glares of the crowd on your back, your new friends shield you from it until you’re in the safety of the tunnel and heading up to the stands.

“You and (y/n) stopped talking about 10 years ago right?” Midoriya asks Shoto as they walk at the back of the pack of class A students. “Yes,” Shoto confirms. “So that’s about when Black Storm was-“ “Yes.” “So Endeavor made you stop talking to her so you wouldn’t be associated with Black Storm.” “Basically.” “Jesus.” Midoriya places a reassuring hand on his friend’s shoulder. Shoto briefly acknowledges the gesture but says nothing as everyone settles into their seats. Nezu then begins to explain the rules of the last game. It’s essentially a wrestling match, the whole stadium is fair game and you win if you can pin your opponent for five seconds or completely immobilize them. Injuries are fine but take it too far and Eraserhead and Cementoss will shut it down. You nod along as the bracket is projected onto the monitors. Your first round is with the Neito Monoma kid, you don’t know much about him, just that the mere mention of his name has Bakugo growling “You better beat that fucking extra.” “Like I’d get eliminated in the first round,” you scoff back, confidence starting to build again as your classmates continue to support you.

You feel a tap on your shoulder and turn to see a guy with a large shock of purple hair and bags for days under his eyes leaning down to wave at you. You hear Denki yelp and nearly fall out of his chair nearby but ignore it. “(Y/l/n) huh?” he asks, a slight smile. “Yea. Problem with that?” you ask. “Not at all. Villain quirks gotta stick together right?” he smirks as he offers his hand. “I’m only half villain quirk but sure,” you smirk but then you freeze, eyes glazing over before you can reach to take his hand. He smirks back at you as your hand moves to shake his without your permission. You find yourself reaching for your phone, it unlocking once it recognizes your face, and then going to your contacts before plugging in a new number. You snap back to awareness a little stunned, looking between the new contact in your phone and the baffling boy with the mind control quirk who’s currently walking away. “If you wanted my number you could’ve just asked like a normal person!” you call after him. Unbeknownst to you, Shoto watches the entire interaction with barely concealed jealousy.

It’s not long before it’s finally time for your first match. The others had briefed you on Monoma’s quirk, warning you about his copying ability. “Can he copy a quirk if he doesn’t know you have it?” you ask curiously. “I don’t know actually. Most people don’t have two quirks you know, although I don’t necessarily see how it would help?” Kirishima offers with a shrug, having already made it through his first round and into the table of 8. “Trust me, I have a game plan,” you assure him. “See you guys on the other side,” you tell him as you walk down to the tunnel to wait for them to announce your entrance. “And on our left, here she comes. Ready to blaze her own trail and show the whole world that she is more than her name, it’s (y/n) (y/l/n)!” Present Mic’s voice booms over the loud speaker as you walk into the stadium properly. The crowd boos and you must admit it stings a little but you aren’t entirely unaccustomed to the negative attention. Your eyes wander over to the section where your friends are. Bakugo gives you a nod as Denki, Sero, Kirishima, Mina, and Jiro scream and cheer for you, their bodies half over the railing. They can’t drown out the rest of the stadium but they’re trying to and that warms your heart. You grin at them before locking eyes back on your opponent, stepping up to the start point they’ve indicated. “START!” Present Mic’s voice booms and immediately you lunge forward, drawing shadows into your palm before pushing them forward to race towards Monoma.

You’re not shocked when Monoma counters with shadows of his own, knocking yours away, but you can’t help but grin when you notice he’s producing shadows from both of his palms instead of just one. “I should’ve recognized you had Daddy’s quirk the minute I saw you during the qualifying rounds,” Monoma needles and you know he’s just trying to get a rise out of you but you can’t help how your temper starts to flare. He may be using your quirk but he’s clumsier with it, the result of picking it up for the first time now versus your years and years of experience. You send forward another burst of shadows making sure to get your left hand caught in the blast so it looks like both are doing the work. As Monoma clumsily sends forward his own to redirect yours you close the distance in, sweeping his legs out from underneath him. He quickly rolls before you can try to pin him down and you just barely manage to dodge the kick he’d aimed at you in retaliation. “You were there weren’t you? The day your father went rogue,” he taunts. You suck in a harsh breath allowing him an opportunity to lash out at you again and you wince a little at the sharp sting it leaves on your cheek where he’d managed to cut you with your own quirk. Your first instinct is to heal it but you hold off. Not yet. It’s not time to reveal your hand yet. “How the fuck do you know that?” you grit out before lashing out at him harder and faster. He extends both palms out, shadows flying forward to counter your own and as his hands retract you can see black crawling up his arms. Good. Your plan is working. “Oh the little daddy daughter field trip was all over the news sweetheart, we all know you were there to watch the carnage. Why do you think no one trusts you?” Monoma taunts. He fires off both palms again but this time instead of dispersing the shadows you raise both your hands, again feigning that both are doing the work, you push back against his, the shadowy energy growing and growing as you’re both slowly pushed backwards by the force of it. You hold strong though even as more and more black veins crawl up your right arm and your forearm begins to burn with the pain. You can hear Monoma grunting in pain on the other side so you kick it up a notch, fighting through your own pain until finally he breaks. He releases with a gasp, hunching forward with the pain. He looks up expecting to see you in a similar state but instead he finds you glowing as you stride towards him, the black veins rapidly fading as the light you radiate chases them back. Once you're in front of him he barely has any time to react before you deck him across the face, knocking him to the ground. You put one foot on his chest to keep him down, increasing the strength of your healing quirk just so that you’ll glow a little more brightly as you lean down to look him directly in the eye. “I may be my father’s daughter,” you start as the monitor counts down five seconds, “but I’m also my mother’s.”

The countdown finishes and an airhorn blares to signal your victory. You turn away from him, leaving him gaping at you like a fish on the ground as you walk back to the tunnel. The booing of the crowd that follows you out is music to your ears.

As far as you’re concerned? They can die mad about it.

A/N: Ngl I made Shinso so smooth in this one I was like alternate route? 💀 But n o lmao this is Shoto’s fic. OH ALSO we got even more about what happened when (y/n) was 8! I love mixing in her lore, I've actually had the very basic idea for her backstory and potentially where I’m going to take this fic after the sports festival arc since when I first started watching the show. The fight with Monoma in particular has been plotted out literally since I watched the final exam arc I think back when I was primarily a Todoroki simp oop so it's been really fun for me to get to write it here considering I never thought it would be a concept that left my head.

Taglist: @sorrythatspussynal @miss-bakugo-writes @pixelwisp @larkspyrr @sokkaandzukosimp @akkaso @sunaispretty @mindofess @todoplusultra @oliviasslut

#hopelesshou #shoto smau #shoto x reader #shoto x fem!reader #shoto x y/n #todoroki smau #todoroki x reader #todoroki x fem!reader #todoroki x y/n #shoto todoroki

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drnikolatesla · 3 years

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Nikola Tesla On X-Rays, Electrons, Radiation and Cosmic Rays

History tells us that J. J. Thomson discovered the electron, Marie Curie radiation, Albert Einstein the photoelectric effect, and Victory Hess the cosmic ray, but below is proof Nikola Tesla was the first to discover the electron (a year before Thomson), radioactivity (2 years before Curie), the photoelectric effect (9 years before Einstein) and Cosmic Rays (16 years before Hess). All went on to win Nobel Prizes.

“TESLA’S LATEST ROENTGEN RAY INVESTIGATIONS.” The Electrical Review, April 22nd, 1896.

“Further investigations concerning the behavior of the various metals in regard to reflection of these radiations have given additional support to the opinion which I have before expressed; namely, that Volta’s electric contact series in air is identical with that which is obtained when arranging the metals according to their powers of reflection, the most electro-positive metal being the best reflector. Confining myself to the metals easily experimented upon, this series is magnesium, lead, tin, iron, copper, silver, gold and platinum. The lastnamed metal should be found to be the poorest, and sodium one of the best, reflectors. This relation is rendered still more interesting and suggestive when we consider that this series is approximately the same which is obtained when arranging the metals according to their energies of combination with oxygen, as calculated from their chemical equivalents.

"Should the above relation be confirmed by other physicists, we shall be justified to draw the following conclusions: First, the highly exhausted bulb emits material streams which, impinging on a metallic surface, are reflected; second, these streams are formed of matter in some primary or elementary condition; third, these material streams are probably the same agent which is the cause of the electro-motive tension between metals in close proximity or actual contact, and they may possibly, to some extent, determine the energy of combination of the metals with oxygen; fourth, every metal or conductor is more or less a source of such streams; fifth, these streams or radiations must be produced by some radiations which exist in the medium; and sixth, streams resembling the cathodic must be emitted by the sun and probably also by other sources of radiant energy, such as an arc light or Bunsen burner.

"The first of these conclusions, assuming the above-cited fact to be correct, is evident and uncontrovertible. No theory of vibration of any kind would account for this singular relation between the powers of reflection and electric properties of the metals. Streams of projected matter coming in actual contact with the reflecting metal surface afford the only plausible explanation.

"The second conclusion is likewise obvious, since no difference whatever is observed by employing various qualities of glass for the bulb, electrodes of different metals and any kind of residual gases. Evidently, whatever the matter constituting the streams may be, it must undergo a change in the process of expulsion, or, generally speaking, projection — since the views in this regard still differ — in such a way as to lose entirely the characteristics which it possessed when forming the electrode, or wall of the bulb, or the gaseous contents of the latter.

"The existence of the above relation between the reflecting and contact series forces us likewise to the third conclusion, because a mere coincidence of that kind is, to say the least, extremely improbable. Besides, the fact may be cited that there is always a difference of potential set up between two metal plates at some distance and in the path of the rays issuing from an exhausted bulb.

"Now, since there exists an electric pressure of difference of potential between two metals in close proximity or contact, we must, when considering all the foregoing, come to the fourth conclusion, namely, that the metals emit similar streams, and I therefore anticipate that, if a sensitive film be placed between two plates, say, of magnesium and copper, a true Roentgen shadow picture would be obtained after a very long exposure in the dark. Or, in general, such picture could be secured whenever the plate is placed near a metallic or conducting body, leaving for the present the insulators out of consideration. Sodium, one of the first of the electric contact series, but not yet experimented upon, should give out more of such streams than even magnesium.

"Obviously, such streams could not be forever emitted, unless there is a continuous supply of radiation from the medium in some other form; or possibly the streams which the bodies themselves emit are merely reflected streams coming from other sources. But since all investigation has strengthened the opinion advanced by Roentgen that for the production of these radiations some impact is required, the former of the two possibilities is the more probable one, and we must assume that the radiations existing in the medium and giving rise to those here considered partake something of the nature of cathodic streams.

"But if such streams exist all around us in the ambient medium, the question arises, whence do they come? The only answer is: From the sun. I infer, therefore, that the sun and other sources of radiant energy must, in a less degree, emit radiations or streams of matter similar to those thrown off by an electrode in a highly exhausted inclosure. This seems to be, at this moment, still a point of controversy. According to my present convictions a Roentgen shadow picture should, with very long exposures, be obtained from all sources of radiant energy, provided the radiations are permitted first to impinge upon a metal or other body.”

“The preceding considerations tend to show that the lumps of matter composing a cathodic stream in the bulb are broken up into incomparably smaller particles by impact against the wall of the latter, and, owing to this, are enabled to pass into the air. All evidence which I have so far obtained points rather to this than to the throwing off of particles of the wall itself under the violent impact of the cathodic stream. According to my convictions, then, the difference between Lenard and Roentgen rays, if there be any, lies solely in this, that the particles composing the latter are incomparably smaller and possess a higher velocity. To these two qualifications I chiefly attribute the non-deflectibility by a magnet which I believe will be disproved in the end. Both kinds of rays, however, affect the sensitive plate and fluorescent screen, only the rays discovered by Roentgen are much more effective. We know now that these rays are produced under certain exceptional conditions in a bulb, the vacuum being extremely high, and that the range of greatest activity is rather small.

"I have endeavored to find whether the reflected rays possess certain distinctive features, and I have taken pictures of various objects with this purpose in view, but no marked difference was noted in any case. I therefore conclude that the matter composing the Roentgen rays does not suffer further degradation by impact against bodies. One of the most important tasks for the experimenter remains still to determine what becomes of the energy of these rays. In a number of experiments with rays reflected from and transmitted through a conducting of insulating plate, I found that only a small part of the rays could be accounted for. For instance, through a zinc plate, one-sixteenth of an inch thick, under an incident angle of 45 degrees, about two and one-half per cent were reflected and about three per cent transmitted through the plate, hence over 94 per cent of the total radiation remain to be accounted for. All the tests which I have been able to make have confirmed Roentgen’s statement that these rays are incapable of raising the temperature of a body. To trace this lost energy and account for it in a plausible way will be equivalent to making a new discovery.

"Since it is now demonstrated that all bodies reflect more or less, the diffusion through the air is easily accounted for. Observing the tendency to scatter through the air, I have been led to increase the efficiency of reflectors by providing not one, but separated successive layers for reflection, by making the reflector of thin sheets of metal, mica or other substances. The efficiency of mica as a reflector I attribute chiefly to the fact that it is composed of many superimposed layers which reflect individually. These many successive reflections are, in my opinion, also the cause of the scattering through the air.

"In my communication to you of April 1, I have for the first time stated that these rays are composed of matter in a “primary” or elementary condition or state. I have chosen this mode of expression in order to avoid the use of the word “ether,” which is usually understood in the sense of the Maxwellian interpretation, which would not be in accord with my present convictions in regard to the nature of the radiations.”

—Nikola Tesla

#nikola tesla #science #history #discovery #electron #cosmic rays #radiation #photoelectric effect #noble prize #j. j. Thomson #marie curie #albert einstein #Victor hess #Physics #experiments #quotes #ahead of his time #ahead of our time

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butwhatifidothis · 3 years

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I did it! Finally fucking did it! I 100% the support log for 3H….Holy shit, that took longer than I was expecting, lol.

(Long rant, so heads up.)

I came in thinking “Oh they finally time-locked the supports, so I don’t have to have the damn cursor mocking me every time I open the menu like in Awakening and Fates, hurr hurr”. No no no no no. At least for Awakening and Fates, it was on my dumb ass for pressing the S-support and saving when I knew I shouldn’t. First off, if they wanted us to regain supports for Byleth in NG+, why the heck are supports for characters like Edelgard, Rhea, Dorothea and Lindhart locked? I don’t mean time-locked like the post-TS supports in a regular playthrough, I mean deadass “you can’t buy this, period” locked. “Oh it’s because you haven’t advanced that far in the story yet”. I can buy post-TS supports for the other characters, what makes El and Rhea exceptions?! The only thing that would be lost is that I don’t have to replay their entire route to get their S-support twice. It’s not like there’s enough differences between Bylad and Bylass to warrant the supports being locked, none of the characters specify a specific gender in their dialogue, and as far as different models go, changing models during a cutscene is coded into the game, so that should be no issue.

After going through the monastery option enough times, the hubworld is in this weird limbo state where it feels like it was made specifically for Byleth’s benefit (faculty training, recruiting party members, etc,) but the rest of the party seems to benefit from it instead (Instructions, Motivation points, etc). The Explore vs Battle options just don’t mix well, which feels like poor design choice. You can focus on auxiliary battles to raise your party’s level, but at the cost of potentially missing out on more party members. You can instead focus on the monastery to recruit party members, but at the cost of Byleth falling behind due to splitting activity points between recruiting and faculty training, and being in the monastery means less time grinding for levels. This isn’t as much of a problem in NG+, but if a game needs NG+ to lessen a design problem, then that’s more of a sign to me that the idea itself needed more ironing out.

As far as using the monastery to raise support points goes, the hubworld definitely needs a revamp. The only (good) options available are Meal Time and Choir Practice, with the latter being limited to once per week and the former making me think that the monastery must eat their own weapons to survive due to how fucking scarce food ingredients are. Getting meat and fish isn’t too big of an issue so long as you have enough money, but produce might as well be an urban legend. There were too many times where I had 60+ fish/meat, but produce was at fucking 1. I get that they wanted to be “realistic” in having seeds grow once per week, but if it’s at the cost of a gameplay element being nigh unplayable, then some more thought needs to be put into it. Sothis is a goddess of life and time, maybe her powers allow Byleth to make plants grow faster. Just something to make this section actually playable.

The final thing I wanted to talk about when it comes to the monastery is that, for some baffling reason, it is entirely possible to lock yourself out of key events like S-supports or being able to choose CF, simply by skipping to the end of the month. I’m not sure why this is a thing. It’s not like the game was designed with speedruns in mind (I mean, it is possible to beat a route in an hour, but fuck me if I ever succeeded in that), and nothing happens like a prompt popping up that you have to explore the monastery during that month or even limiting your options to just Explore (which the game has done before). This is especially weird for the quest in getting Jeralt’s ring (how to access S-supports), since Byleth is supposed to be sad in this month, so not being able to do seminars or Byleth being undeployable during auxiliary battles would make sense.

The option to choose CF is even worse though, because at least for Jeralt’s ring it’s a Red Quest that doesn’t allow you to finish exploring unless you complete it. For Edelgard, however? A dime-a-dozen quest prompt you can entirely look over and skip. No prompt by the game, no indication to talk to Edelgard, nothing. FFS, Rhea’s tea time quest was given more thought. At least her quest marker is a unique color.

(End of rant…sort of)

…So anyways, that was my experience with the game, lmao. Now you or someone else may be thinking, “nonnie, if you had this many problems completing the game, why did you bother?”, and the answer to that good question is…I’m not completely sure, lol. I know there’s more than one reason why, so bear with me here. I know part of it is due to sunk-cost fallacy (“I’m already this far into the game, I might as well fully complete it”), but I think a bigger reason is because I knew ahead of time that the routes were so similar to each other that there was little point in having a route split to begin with (except for CF, but who gives a fuck about that?). Despite all of my bitching, I do really like 3H even if I admit that it’s my least favorite FE game that I’ve played so far. I guess a part of me just wanted to like the game more despite my issues with it.

Now that I think about it, maybe the main reason was for fear of future mainline games. People are fear to like whatever part of a game that they wish, but I do think that 3H introduced some fundamental storytelling flaws that I’d rather not see repeated in the future, with me focusing on 3 in particular: 1) The Monastery, 2) Route Splits and 3) Byleth.

Aside from what I already talked about in regards to the monastery, if we are going to get another hubworld in the new FE title, have it to where it doesn’t conflict with how the rest of the story is presented. Is it better to simply tell us that the Western Church is xenophobic in an easily skippable side quest early on, or is it better to show us? Enemy Western Church NPCs going after foreign party members like Dedue or Petra more aggressively and calling them “animals” or the like, the map having Duscari NPCs locking themselves indoors for fear that the Western Church will persecute them, things of that nature. Is it better to tell us that there has been civil unrest in the Empire and the citizens revolting against Edelgard, or is it better to show us? Enemy Adrestian Civilian NPCs, assassins specifically going after Edelgard in a map, maybe one where a large farmland has been stripped bare. Things like that.

I’d rather do away with the Persona-calendar/Monastery hubworld, but if they are here to stay then they need enough content in it to keep the player engaged for 20-odd chapters, because there isn’t enough content in Garreg Mach to even hold up 12 chapters. Speaking of more content, if there’s going to be another route split in the next title, then there needs to be enough differences in the routes that actually warrants having a route split. Fates already did this well in having the route split be early in the game, along with the plot and story maps of each route being different, you could even skip to the route split moment on subsequent playthroughs, so 3H’s approach in having to play the same 12 chapters 3-4 times just felt like a massive downgrade. Playing multiple routes should feel rewarding rather than tedious, is what I’m trying to say.

Finally, and most importantly, I know that no one at IS is reading this but on the off chance that someone is - please, for the love of God, do not make another blank-slate/self insert main character like Byleth. Or at the very least, don’t have them be the focal point of the story, it’s a big reason why AM just works better than the other routes. For a game like FE, “self-insert” and “protagonist” goes as well as oil and water. Now, out of those three flaws listed, the Byleth one is what I’m hard set on. The monastery and route split flaws, my opinion might be flexible within reason, but the Byleth one…not so much, lol. If we really do get another self-insert doll for a main character, that alone is going to make the next game a hard sell for me, because seeing all the praise Byleth got (and has been getting) makes me fear that IS is going to take the wrong lesson from this and think they don’t have to put effort in making their protagonist anything resembling an actual person and their audience will still lap it up. It would be one thing if I just hated the character, but I don’t. I’m disappointed, which is even worse.

…With that said, it’s still better than whatever the heck Cap’n’Crunch is doing. Okay, rant over. For real this time.

—

I agree with a lot said here! But I do have a few disagreements, though they’re mostly my opinion than anything else lol

And this first one is probably like, extremely unpopular given how much shit I’ve seen flung at this aspect of 3H, but like… I actually really like the Monastery? Like yes, absolutely, it should have done more to not shelter the player from how bad the war is and it should change more with the world instead of being in this mostly limbo state where apparently seasons don’t real. I definitely also have those complaints, but to me, the Monastery was fine for the most part. A lot of the issues you brought up, like supports and Faculty Training and supplies for eating, weren’t a problem for me almost at all. My only real gripe is with how hard it is for Byleth to get training in Flying, Mounted and especially Heavy Armor without NG+ unlocking weapons ranks, since they don’t have access to Weekly Chores. I do believe I still managed to recruit everyone while only unlocking C in Faith on my Maddening playthrough of GD, but it certainly wasn’t easy. But I feel a lot of the problem people have with it are on subsequent playthroughs where they’re trying to do things like 100% any aspect of 3H, which yeah is gonna exacerbate the issues tenfold. Cuz like, while those three weapons ranks I mentioned are hard for Byleth to raise, on Normal mode you have unlimited auxiliary battles to help with all the other ones.

Like, I wanted to get Claude’s Dex to the max amount right? Just cuz I felt like it. And in doing that I found out just how tedious it is to get levels once a unit gets to a certain point, just cuz while Normal Mode gives you the Retreat option that lets you keep exp so you can drop a unit down on a yellow spot and get a decent boost in exp… you can do that like, twice or thrice on a story chapter. Once if it’s auxiliary (and not the freebie one). And that’s if you even have internet. And using the greenhouse to get Ailiell Pomegranates was a pain because they weren’t really guaranteed even if I used nothing but the right seed - doing that is more consistent, but not always, and I usually only got one anyway. It was annoying! But I was also doing a specific thing that’s gonna heighten the flaws in the system that I never would have noticed - didn’t even notice - unless I did that. The flaws are still there, don’t get me wrong! The Monastery definitely still needs improvement, battles still need to be a little more streamlined for future playthrough, but the flaws can seem a bit bigger than they are once you do certain things outside of a casual playthrough, know what I mean?

But, for example, when replaying 3H on hard mode and looking to recruit everyone after my no recruitment run, I didn’t come across any dilemma over “recruitment or Byleth being good, pick one.” That was the run my Byleth was usable, in fact - my first blind run that was no recruitment (save for Shamir) had my Byleth be pretty much completely useless while literally everyone else was fine. Also never came across problems with supplies for cooking (or at least not any big enough to comment on). So like, while these (and the above stuff) can certainly be problems for players trying to do everything everything in 3H, at least from my experience I just haven’t come across them. The monastery itself definitely needed a better story implementation, but yeah. I could’ve just been lucky tho lmao

I don’t mind how they implemented trying to get on CF at all tho lol. If you’ve been playing the game like it suggests you do - supporting characters and exploring the monastery there’s no reason for players to have missed getting on CF. If players wanted to ignore one of the biggest aspects of the game I don’t really feel that bad for them when they miss out on very achievable things. Plus, CF’s requirements are nothing in terms of FE’s madness when it comes to getting on a route. It may be more specific than any other route, but like I said, playing the game as the game tells you to would naturally land you in it (the only thing that might be a bit unfair is that I think if you talk with Edelgard at all that month you have to decide right then and there, and then the whole month is lost. Kinda ass).

Binding Blade, for example, requires you to do specific things that few first time players would think to do in multiple, random chapters in order for you to get the best ending. With absolutely no warning as to when these chapters happen and what to do in them. And some of these requirements are not fun lmao, I’d prefer how they did it with CF than with how they’ve handled ~secret~ stuff before personally

Pretty much agree with everything else though! While 3H is actually one of my more favored games in the series, I’ll be the first to admit that its storytelling is in dire need of improvement. Having the story and lore of the game just be spat out in lore dumps and this or that NPC just isn’t that good. Or if they are going to do that, at the very least give some visuals to go along with it! Imagine how much impactful Rhea’s story would have been if it was in a visual format, like CGs and/or a cutscene. It still would be an info dump, but at least we can see for ourselves how horrific the Red Canyon was for her! And I do not want another avatar in whatever next mainline game we get, personality or not. We’ve evolved past the need for self-inserts that all the characters Just Like lmao

But thanks for sharing your thoughts!! And sorry that it took so long for me to get to answering ;w;

#submission #anon #exqueuese me princess #but hey I found the og submission at least!! for some reason it got thrown in like the middle of my drafts?? weird lmao #but yeah overall I do think 3H could've done with some refinement for later more intensive playthroughs #and on the other hand I get why they didn't immediately think of them if that makes sense #also lol yeah the base game is infinitely more fun that whatever Cap'n'n doin' lmao

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warsofasoiaf · 3 years

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Its been awhile since you've done any character analysis on Fallout New Vegas, but would you be willing to go into one for some of the minor characters? I'm actually curios of your opinion on Silus the captured centurion and his motivations.

I’m more than happy to, although this won’t be about Silus so much as it will be about the quest Silus Treatment. It’s one of my favorite quests in the game, since it does a great deal just with dialogue and some creative use with the engine to create an engaging quest that showcases some of the failures of the NCR and the Legion. Given that the central theme is about picking a faction, warts and all, having a quest that puts the two main faction of New Vegas on full display is an absolutely good idea. The game is too old for spoilers, but it’s a long analysis so I’ll put a cut in.

Silus Treatment starts off simple enough, going to Camp McCarran, in the old McCarran International Airport, now the regional command post of Colonel Hsu. McCarran is not in a great spot when you first get there; there are periodic Fiend attacks, tensions in Freeside are causing havoc for NCR civilians, the overstretched NCR supply lines are making it difficult even for their central point of operations, and there’s a strong possibility that they’ve been infiltrated. It’s all Colonel Hsu can do to keep order and function in the base. Perfect protagonist fodder, in other words, for a nice quest hub.

It’s a tough needle to thread in any RPG to build a quest hub where there’s stuff for a character to do. If everyone is incapable of solving even the most basic of problems, it gives a great deal of quests for the player to do but it makes the quest-givers look incompetent, especially if the quest-givers are supposed to be capable figures in their own right. Conversely, if the NPC’s are competent, then the quests would be solved and that would close out on content for the player. There’s plenty of ways to settle this, and the devs do an adequate job here. The war effort means prioritization, and Hsu is dealing with being torn from both angles. He can’t just hunt down the Fiends, because he needs to organize patrols and deal with NCR settlers in the area. He can’t just pacify Freeside because it will engender hostility with House and so he’s delaying the order from his butcher superiors like Moore to go in with fire and sword. He doesn’t have a solution to the Kings but he’s trying to find one, which as far as writing goes is a good solution. Hsu is a decent man but overworked. He’s hoping that he can develop a solution in time before Cassandra Moore decides to pull rank and go on the warpath against all who oppose the NCR, which leaves a convenient spot for the player.

It’s this person that gives us our introduction to the Silus Treatment questline. Hsu has a valuable prize: Silus, a captured Legion centurion! Typically centurions always commit suicide rather than be captured to deny any useful intelligence to the enemy, so to capture a centurion alive should be quite a find. But it’s not going so well. Lt Carrie Boyd, in charge of base security, can’t get Silus to talk. Again, perfect quest writing to get the PC involved in the plot. Normally such a sensitive operation would never be given to an unknown civilian contractor, even for a bureaucratic mess like the NCR. Frontier desperation, hitting a wall via official channels, and the fact that the character is the protagonist in a sprawling open world help it pass ludonarrative muster.

Boyd is a real piece of work, she’s openly sadistic hiding beneath of veneer of civility. She considers the humane treatment of POW’s as an impediment, and so looks for ways around it. Notably, while she wants information from Silus to deliver to her superiors, she’ll settle for just having Silus beaten so bloody that he can’t speak anymore, calling it “entertainment.” This is a person who simply should not be in charge of interrogating a prisoner, she is neither humane nor effective at her job, but here she is by virtue simply of being the chief MP on base.

Not that Silus, the prisoner and the other side of this duo, is better. He openly revels in the barbaric practices of the Legion’s slavery system, even trying to ensure that the slaves can never achieve some level of comfort by tightening the collars and making it difficult for them to feel at ease while eating or drinking. Even if Silus is mostly saying those things simply to get a rise out of Lieutenant Boyd, he knows what the Legion is up to and enjoys it. Silus is arrogant to an extreme degree, he is filled with confidence that he can outlast any interrogation by the feeble NCR without giving up any intelligence, that he could easily escape NCR confinement and that he is so valuable to the Legion that following Caesar’s order would be a waste. Good fodder then, for the protagonist to bring him down to size.

Silus Treatment as a quest is relatively simple. Boyd signs off on the Courier beating the ever-living tar out of Silus and then steps out for a smoke, letting the player do whatever he or she wants to the prisoner. Silus, sneering, dismisses the Courier as just another piece of NCR trash, and it’s up to the player with how to succeed. Violence is always an option, you can beat Silus, and eventually gets something useful, that the base itself will be the target of Legion destruction. Silus admits that his fantasy of escape was always a fantasy, he was dead to Caesar just as surely as he as if he had committed suicide before capture.

Yet if the Courier has points in Speech or Intelligence, he can completely upend Boyd’s methods and actually deliver a worthwhile interrogation. The first technique, with speech, uses an interrogation technique known as Pride-and-ego-down, where the interrogator routinely belittles and demeans the prisoner, usually their technical competence or soldierly qualities, in an attempt to get the prisoner to “redeem” themselves by explaining a piece of useful intelligence that would explain the deficiency as opposed to it just being a terrible personal quality. The Courier mocks Silus as a coward (bravery being a key soldierly virtue) and he defends himself by stating his bravery and that suicide is a poor death for a soldier of his intelligence and caliber, then saying how good a soldier he is for a “self-appointed megalomaniacal dictator.” Silus then spills that Caesar held his unit for three days because of “headaches,” in actuality, it’s Caesar’s brain tumor. The technique works to an exceptionally high degree, not only does Silus divulge that McCarran has been infiltrated as in the violence ending, but also that the Legion is suffering a crisis of command due to Caesar’s illness. The Courier gets a lot of useful intelligence out of Silus and doesn’t compromise the humane treatment of prisoners in the process. If it actually caused some self-reflection in Boyd, that’d be a complete win, but I suppose we can’t have everything.

My favorite option is the intelligence option, because the Courier goes full-on PSYOPS, posing as a Legion assassin sent to kill Silus for his failure to commit suicide on Caesar’s order. Silus denies it at first, but as the Courier continues to sell the performance, Silus begins to express real terror at the thought that the Courier is actually a frumentarius sent to kill Silus before he divulges anything to the NCR. The Courier fully sells the deal using Latin phrases as the language of Caesar’s elites. The Courier can quote Cicero, “legum servi sumus” - we are all slaves to the law, in what is perhaps a perfect example of Caesar’s philosophy of totalitarian obedience. The full quote "Legum servi sumus ut liberi esse possimus” - we are slaves to the law so that we might be free, means little in Caesar’s totalitarian state where all are subject to his whims and contingency plans for Caesar’s incapacity aren’t even considered. Of course, the Roman Republic was hardly a free state, but Caesar really takes the cake with his dictatorship. If Caesar’s dictum holds true: “Corruptio optimi pessima” - the corruption of the greatest is the worst outcome. how much worse is it when Caesar himself is corrupted? But totalitarians rarely raise the possibility that they themselves are corrupt, because the good of the dictator is the good of the state. After all, L'etat c'est moi is the dictum of any dictator, not just a Sun King.

Of course, fitting New Vegas, you can side with Silus, and facilitate his escape. There, you feign beating him to unconsciousness and slip him a silenced pistol, then Silus makes good his escape, killing the guard sent to bring him back to his cell and sneaking out. Of all the endings, this one isn’t as satisfying. Some of it, of course, is that you never interact or see Silus again, so there’s never any reward to the quest except for the knowledge that the base is infiltrated, which in the pro-Legion side of the quest I Put a Spell on You allows you to complete Curtis’s sabotage operation (and a far better Legion quest, in my opinion, with the NCR quest side being even better given the multiple outcomes), but also it’s not referenced again with Caesar. What would Caesar’s reaction be to the Courier springing Silus? He is quite fond of reciting a litany of the Courier’s accomplishments in Act 2 at Fortification Hill.

If I could improve Silus Treatment, I think I would have made it so the violent path wouldn’t have produced enough valuable intel, and the player needs to do some more detective work to actually get to I Put a Spell on You, or even being mislead by Curtis and becoming the unwitting patsy of the Legion. But overall, I think it was an incredible quest and a testament to the writing in the game.

Thanks for the question, Anon.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

#fallout: new vegas

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ticketcotton7 · 3 years

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What Everyone Ought to Know about Virtual Reality Gaming

HMD that can be utilized with a smartphone for experiencing the simulated world of the electronic game. Both the technologies can co-exist in the market, however, a cautious merging of reality and digital world that takes place in Augmented Reality Programming is a far better choice than a separate area for the digital world. As these applied sciences mature, customers will come to count on digital actuality from their favorite entertainment platforms and companies. Some platforms even offer you the flexibility to vary perspective so you’ll always have the best view of the action. Are also thought of a medium for studying the staff building capability in the corporate world. The flexibility for a consumer to grow to be absolutely immersed in virtual actuality shouldn't be an exaggeration. Even in less advanced experiences, the consumer shortly adjusts to their surroundings. Video video games like Zelda, Halo, or Harry Potter allow gamers to enter into an setting and work together with objects, however they don't permit the participant to create an environment and that is what virtual worlds are all about. Through game play players be taught actual life flight concepts like roll, yaw, pitch, raise, drag and so on. Professional flight colleges use a few of the realistic flight games to train pilots.

Specifically, schools will probably be making large investments in bringing classes to life by the power of virtual reality. You might need heard some declare that digital actuality know-how will quantity to nothing but a niche gaming expertise, however this couldn't be further from the truth. Here now we have selected a few of our hottest VR advertising and marketing campaigns. The PlayStation VR information is useful right here. Unless you’ve been living underneath a rock, you’d know that a number of assured tech corporations have really been trying to accomplish this feat - notably, HTC (Vive), Facebook (Oculus) and Sony (PlayStation VR). In my personal virtual actuality rig (which is paired with a Valve Index), I have a NVIDIA RTX 2080 Super, a Ryzen 5 3600, and 16 GB of RAM. In the previous few years, developers like Oculus and HTC have labored to make virtual reality more accessible and more inexpensive. It will solely grow as extra companies build buyer-centric experiences with VR. At OC6, Zuckerberg made quite a lot of exciting announcements together with the introduction of hand-tracking, new social VR experiences with Facebook Horizon, and increased headset efficiency with the Oculus Link.

All these Oculus updates intention to make virtual reality more social. Meanwhile, ps4 vr games list read much more articles about social network gone dangerous. Data extraction: Thirty-eight articles met inclusion standards. The info we gathered is echoed in nationwide studies that predict virtual reality with grow exponentially over the next 5 years. Out of an inventory of eleven industries emerged 5 key industries: travel, education, healthcare, real property, and retail. Very similar to navy training, some gadgets utilized in medical schooling, particularly, are very expensive to both use and produce. That is something a mannequin, historically used in medical coaching, can't replicate. You will also get 2 dedicated staff members, a meals and drink package deal, gear coaching, digital banner and on the time of booking you'll obtain a occasion bag that includes invitations, a VRtual branded t-shirt, play passes, stickers and more. UPS is utilizing the HTC Vive to train drivers to be more observant on the highway and improve driver security. The Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles is experimenting with a digital trauma heart to train its doctors to assess and execute remedies for trauma patients shortly. By implementing digital actuality in the classroom, college students will achieve a greater understanding of spatial structures, language associations, and lesson content.

A research by the University of Maryland found that digital reality contributed to extra motivated college students and larger data retention. With quite a lot of digital reality headsets and an increasing library of high quality entertainment, Mark Zuckerberg expects more non-gaming customers to heat-up to proudly owning their very own headset. Since digital actuality is a brand new type of entertainment, it will probably introduce new filmmaking methods and incorporate other senses like touch and odor. Next degree entertainment, FREAK is an immersive virtual reality gaming venue, that combines leading edge multiplayer video games, unbelievable 4D effects and curated physical spaces that will help you enterprise past reality. What is your familiarity with with digital actuality previous to the VR Roadshow occasion? Take a look at our VR Roadshow video beneath. A way of depth and house is created with sound whereas you’re exploring and battling it out in your VR setting. Ultimately, if you’re looking for an inexpensive headset to boost the expertise of movies or videos, this is a great alternative with high-finish optics and a solid build.

#vr games #virtual reality games #vr gaming

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gaynoctgar · 4 years

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Prompto’s Brotherhood Arc is Fatphobic 2, Electric Boogaloo: Haley’s Back and She is Pissed

This essay is going to be an even deeper dive into the fatphobia that permeates Prompto’s character arc, and is going to handle the issue with more grace and nuance than I did the first time. This is also going to explore the effects the arc had on me as a player, and on other players who share my experiences. It is going to be very organized, long, and methodical (word count: ~5300). It’s a bit of a doozy, but it is something I feel it is very important. I have been wanting to elaborate on my previous Prompto essay for a long time, and for reasons I will detail below, I feel that I am ready to do this now.

Consider this a sequel to my earlier essay, and I will be referencing it throughout.

Stand back everyone; Haley’s about to get mean and personal.

Under the cut for safety and length, please avoid if the subject is triggering to you! Take care of yourselves!

Thank you all so, so much for hearing what I have to say.

TW: fatphobia, eating disorders (both in terms of Prompto and of the author)

Intro

All right everyone, buckle in. Last time I think I was a little bit too nice about this. Last time I think I let a little too much go. But I’m a full three years older now and I’ve seen a few more things. And now I think it’s time that I really just let loose and criticize the fuck out of Square for something they have consistently done wrong, and that is the way they have handled issues with weight in regards to one Prompto Argentum.

Many of you may know that Prompto is one of my favorite characters in anything ever. This very sideblog, in fact, used to be named for him (old url was promptoisbi). It’s because of this that I hate that he’s so consistently shit on by the narrative, but right now we are talking about the out-of-universe insidiousness of the fatphobia that completely permeates this story.

The first essay is right here but the TL;DR version of that is essentially “the way that Prompto’s weight loss in Brotherhood is portrayed as a moral and positive good and in fact necessary for him to be a protagonist is immensely fatphobic. Because the game refuses to problematize this, I am going to, and I’m going to contextualize that with my own experiences to help explain why this is so fucked.” At that time, I was recovering from long-term anorexia, and I think that permeated a lot of what I wrote. I don’t regret this, and I still think the essay is pretty solid. But I’m not a woman who won’t admit her own limitations, and one of mine at the time was that a lot of my fatphobia was internalized. Now that I am healing, now that I have talked to other people with experiences that mirror my own (notably @chubbyargentum), I think I am in a better place to articulate what upsets me.

The rest of the essay will be divided into six parts, themed as follows:

A redux of my central criticism in the first essay, that the narrative treats Prompto’s weight loss as a positive, moral good. In fact, it’s necessary for him to be seen as a protagonist.

Detailing that Prompto’s weight loss was directly motivated by another character, and this other character does not apologize to Prompto at all for his previous behavior. We are in fact supposed to believe that him saying what he said was a good thing.

Evidence that Prompto still legitimately has an eating disorder from his trauma. This goes unexamined by the story, and in fact seems to be actively encouraged by other characters, notably Ignis and Noct. This isn’t to bash the characters, but the way they are written.

Points 1 and 3 combined produce a genuinely triggering experience for players like me; this is where I detail some of my own history with weight and eating problems.

Anticipating pushback, I propose two alternative scenarios that avoid the problems outlined in parts 1-4: one where Prompto doesn’t lose weight, and one where he does but it’s handled a lot more sensitively.

A personal look at what (and who) actually motivated me to do a Part 2 to my essay.

Followed by a TL;DR conclusion if you want to jump right to the heart of things. I know this is a long essay, and I don’t apologize, but I do want to make it accessible to those who might have a harder time reading something so long.

Time to knock down these points, one by one:

Part 1: Equating Weight Loss to Morality

Prompto’s episode in Brotherhood, “Dogged Runner,” serves as our introduction both to Prompto as a character, and pulls double-duty to show us how he becomes involved in the life of a prince. Gladio and Ignis’ episodes did not have to do this double work because they are in Noct’s life by occupation, but Prompto, being a commoner, needs this introduction. Unfortunately, this episode is not twice as long to handle the double workload it gave itself, and the plot clearly suffers for it. For those who don’t remember, Prompto seems to be a child who more or less raises himself--a shy boy who is in the same grade as Noctis. He is quite obviously overweight, and the episode in fact chooses to focus the bulk of its attention on that rather than how he met Noctis (this will be explored in Part 2, below). This is what I take issue with.

Due to....an encounter, we’ll call it, with his royal classmate, Prompto becomes motivated to “improve himself to become someone worthy of a prince,” as described in Episode Prompto. Right off the bat, this description is implying that in order to be worthy of Noctis’ companionship--even independently of Noctis’ own actions, which will be problematized in the next section--he must be different than the way he is.

This...doesn’t make sense. We already saw that Prompto was a kind and generous soul, if rather shy. He took in “Tiny” of his own accord; he fixed her up and fed her and made sure she was healthy, solely out of the goodness of his heart. What else could this literal child need to “improve” about himself to make friends with Noctis? Well...the episode focuses on this in a way I would almost argue is objectifying. We see in excruciating detail how this literal child (I feel the need to mention again that Prompto is 12 years old and doesn’t seem to have consistent parents) approaches the world with a black-and-white mentality….that is, he seems to focus exclusively on eating salads and running an excessive amount (we’ll get to this more in Part 3). Further objectification occurs when we are shown repeatedly that a minor is taking “progress shots” of himself in his underwear.

A bit of a tangent, but the way that last one is drawn...y’all did remember Prompto was 14/15 at that time, right? Extra H points for Square, right there.

So yeah, once all of this happens, Prompto is finally deemed by the narrative to be acceptable enough to enter the life of a prince. Basically, if you’re fat, get a goddamn eating disorder and you can be a protagonist!

And I’m actually gonna take a second right now to address the more common, and generous, interpretation/criticism I am anticipating. I know what SE was trying to do here. They were trying to show us that Prompto’s “self-esteem” was the problem. That he needed to gain more confidence, and losing the weight didn’t actually solve that problem. I know this is the intent because the hotel scene exists. But...answer me this. Why is losing weight treated as an analogue for Prompto’s internal character growth? Why is losing weight an analogue for literally anything? If the issue was Prompto’s insecurity and shyness, there are a dozen other ways to show that. I can think of one right now: maybe have Noctis try to make friends and Prompto runs away because he gets nervous and tongue-tied and that’s the source of their lingering awkwardness. There you go, much better episode.

Part 2: Noctis is a dick

And I say this as a Noct stan. Y’all know I love him. With all my heart, I do. But...I don’t think he starts the game as a good person, in this respect at least. I do think he becomes one. And I think that his growth and maturation over the course of the game is absolutely a treat to watch.

I’m gonna immediately qualify this by saying I do not think Noct is a dick on purpose. Noctis is, in fact, unfailingly kind in most situations and this is one of his greater strengths. I just think he is just as much a victim of internalized fatphobia as Prompto is, despite not having the experience of being fat. I think two things contribute to this: biases that went unchecked by any of his caretakers, and genuine social difficulty brought about by his upbringing.

But now it’s time to get to….the incident. The reason these two know each other. After Prompto takes care of Pryna, she runs to deliver her letter to Noctis and eventually returns to Luna, as was her original mission. Luna, noticing Prompto’s name on a bandana tied around Pryna’s leg, tasks Gentiana to help her find this kind soul so she can thank him. Luna does, and Prompto receives a letter that soon becomes his prized possession. The princess operated on the assumption that Prompto and Noctis were friends, seeing as Prompto encountered Pryna, and asked that he remain “ever at [Noctis’] side.” Prompto takes these words to heart, and resolves to introduce himself to his royal classmate.

Here’s where the problems begin. We know that Prompto is shy because we have seen him before. He kinda kept to himself, away from the other kids, content to take his pictures. To Square’s credit, I was really expecting Prompto to be a target of bullying because of his weight and he wasn’t….yet. This actually makes his interaction with Noctis a lot worse, however. We all know what happens next: Prompto does try to introduce himself to the loner prince (who, by his own admission later, was also kinda shy), and he happens to trip. Noct goes to help him out because he’s kind at heart, and a confused Prompto thinks that Noctis means that he wants to see the camera. Noct is baffled and says something along the lines of “I meant you, dummy!” and goes to help Prompto up.

Honestly, end the scene here. They become friends because Noct is unexpectedly kind to someone he didn’t even know, and that sticks with Prompto, and they’re childhood best friends. Right? RIGHT?

If Square had had a modicum of decency, yes, this would have been how the scene closed. But then Noct had to open his fucking mouth. When trying to help Prompto up, he remarks that the poor boy is “heavy,” something that quickly and immediately impacts Prompto. Noct, also being 12, seems none the wiser and jovially heads off to meet Ignis. But Prompto? Prompto is….affected by this. He decides then and there that he has to not be heavy anymore if he wants to be Noct’s friend.

“But Haley!” I can hear y’all saying, “Isn’t it Prompto’s fault for internalizing a harmless comment in such a way? Why are you so angry at Noct because Prompto took it too seriously?” Or alternatively “Noctis was also a child, he didn’t mean it!!”

Well, it’s all about how the narrative treats the situation. I mentioned this before in Part 1, but the reason I’m mad at both Noctis and Square is because the narrative treats him as though he is in the right at all times. If the issue really was with Prompto as a character, then we wouldn’t have been shown his journey in such excruciating detail. We wouldn’t have been subjected to the downright harmful avenues he goes down in pursuit of this goal (see Part 3 for elaboration). We would have just seen Prompto trying to work on becoming more outgoing--maybe talking to his neighbors more often, for example.

One small scene in particular gets me here: we do see Noct return to the place where they met and he seems to be baffled by the fact that Prompto will not talk to him. We in fact know this to be the case because in the hotel scene, Noct explicitly says Prompto “should have said something sooner” in terms of starting their friendship. Now, this pisses me off for two reasons:

That this wasn’t addressed in Brotherhood itself. We see that Noct kinda wants to approach Prom again but doesn’t seem to know how. If we are assuming he messed up on accident, this would have been a great time for Ignis to tell him so, maybe motivate Noct to apologize.

That Prompto doesn’t immediately call Noct out for this line, or say something along the lines of “Well you kinda straight up insulted me when we first met.”

So, because neither of these scenarios is the case, I have to assume that Square wants us to think that Noct was correct to insult Prompto, and that him losing the weight is a good thing, in a narrative sense.

Finally, it’s straight up out-of-character for Noct to be this way. Not the misspeaking part, that is perfectly in-character. It’s the fact that this bias of his goes unchecked by Ignis or Gladio, and he is never made to apologize for hurting another person’s feelings. Part of growing up is realizing that sometimes your actions can hurt other people, even if you don’t intend for them to. The fact that the intent wasn’t there doesn’t mean the hurt wasn’t real. Since Square is so convinced that Noct needed to “mature” in this story...I am immensely disappointed that the opportunity wasn’t taken here for him to learn. And even more disappointed because I am pretty sure this is intentional. Every single one of Square’s fat characters is used as a side character or comic relief. In order for Prompto to be a protagonist, he had to lose weight, and to have Noctis--the central protagonist--be the character to directly motivate that is a slap in the face.

Part 3: Don’t Recover, Buddy!/ It’s actually good that you have “obesophobia”

So I know I put the trigger warning at the top of this, but I’m doing it again, because now I’m gonna talk about eating disorders. So this is your last chance to back out if that stuff is legitimately triggering, which I understand.

I’m gonna say it right now: Prompto has anorexia

[several people are typing…. .jpg]

I don’t think this is subtle, and I do think this is intentional, so let me break it down. Prompto exhibits a lot of the symptoms, and yes I am speaking from personal experience. He’s exhibited all of these from the moment Noct made that comment when they were kids, and, notably, only from that point on (hence why I wrote Part 2 the way that I did):

Prompto has an obsession with fixing meals. He’ll be the one that helps Ignis the most often. In Prompto’s case, this is a sign that he loves preparing the food, not so much partaking: classic hiding of symptoms. There is also the fact that most of the salads are his favorite meals, which yes, is a deliberate callback, but I don’t think it’s a good one.

Prompto runs a genuinely stupid amount. I think that exercise is well and good--I’m something of an exercise buff myself--but it’s the way that Prompto does it, to the point of exhaustion, that is a problem.

Despite being borderline underweight, Prompto legitimately still seems to think that he is still fat. This is supported by his reactions to multiple dialogues, which I’ll get to in a second, and the “obesophobia” thing on his character profile which….yeah I shouldn’t even have to explain that one. Prompto is legitimately afraid that he will gain weight--specifically, that he will be fat again.

The fact that according to that same profile, Prompto’s photography habit started when he took progress photos of himself!! So he’s also got some legit body dysmorphia going on.

These are the ones that are most obvious to me, anyway.

“Now okay, Haley,” y’all are furiously typing, “so what that Prompto has anorexia? That’s a relatable character flaw!”

Well….one, no it isn’t. A disorder of any kind is not a character flaw. I’d be willing to let that slide if the following were not also true: other characters seem to reinforce these behaviors of Prompto’s, and I am looking directly at Ignis and Noct. Let’s start with Ignis. I’m sure we have all gotten the random dialogue of

Prompto: All right, let’s hit up the Crow’s Nest! Ignis, for no fucking reason: If you wish to put on weight? Certainly. Prompto, defeated: Yeah, I know…

Every time I get this dialogue I want to yell and also want the option to kick Ignis out of the party. Also the fact that no one steps up on Prompto’s behalf (notably, you know, his goddamn best friend!!) is a bit of an Issue too. Another one involves Ignis, but I have only gotten it once, so I can’t remember it exactly, but Ignis says something to the effect that he can make “whatever [Prompto] wants” for dinner and Prompto says “Yeah, it’s the wanting that’s the problem.” That’s...that’s horrifying and y’all should be concerned for your friend.

To turn my attention back to Noct, objectively the most important person to Prompto, we need go no further than “Why is your face so fat?” in selfies.

This one legitimately made me mad. Prompto panics and retaliates with “What?? I’m not fat!!” (notably, he said “I” and not “my face,” which is a bit of a slip), and Noctis is supposed to be his best friend. I was somewhat okay with Noct being passive in the earlier incidents, because maybe he wanted to spare Prompto the group drama that would ensue, but Noct directly engaging in it actively pissed me off. I also want to say this isn’t me bashing on the characters in the slightest, I am simply calling attention to the way they are written. Because they are not called out by anyone else, because this behavior is treated as acceptable, I have to assume the narrative wants me to agree with them.

The only conclusion I can gather from this is that not only are the bros aware of Prompto’s disorder, but they actively encourage it. Which would only further Prompto’s assumption that they only will love and accept him if he looks a certain way. No wonder the poor kid was so freaked out about his barcode!

Part 4: This shit is triggering to players

The subtitle for this section should be “Haley talks about how deeply “Dogged Runner” affected her in a PTSD kind of way” because that’s what I’m going to be doing. Second trigger warning for eating disorders and weight talk, because that’s what this is gonna be. This also is not going to be nice. I have strong language for Square:

Here’s where I come clean about why this issue matters so fucking much to me, and why I am now freely and openly saying “fuck you” to Square every chance I get. When I first saw Brotherhood, I was at a stage in my life where I was not coping well with my body image. I had my first brush with anorexia in high school, but it was coming back because I was in a new place, and I felt like that was the only thing in my life that I could control. So I had been eating less and falling back into the habit, except...this time I had my support system. So I thought. I went into the anime wanting to learn more about the characters I had come to love, and I walked out of it thoroughly triggered and horrified that Square would stoop to such shoddy, lazy, and harmful storytelling.

I had...a moment, here. I won’t detail the breakdown too much but I was genuinely not okay. To see behaviors that I had ferociously clawed my way out of, and was violently resisting once more, portrayed not only as not unhealthy, but as desirable for people like me...it genuinely felt personal. And, I imagine I wasn’t the only player who felt that way. In fact, because I have talked to other people like me, I know this is the case.

Let me take you on a trip, for a moment. Humor me. Imagine you’re in your early 20s, and you’ve put a lot of ugly, horrible coping methods behind you. Imagine your best friend in the entire world, @nonbinary-recipehs, recommends this game they are playing, and you play it together and start to consume its media. Imagine the horror and dread that settles on the both of you watching this episode, which rings so similarly to the times you passed out from lack of food, from over-exercising, from over-straining yourself to be this idealized version of thinness. Imagine seeing that the outcome of this episode isn’t Prompto getting the support he needs from his friends, but that the narrative legitimizes his suffering. In fact, this brutal suffering and rapid loss of weight was necessary to justify this character’s relevance to the narrative! Imagine how that must make you feel. Maybe those coping methods that were so horrible actually weren’t. It worked for Prompto, maybe it’ll work for you!!

Perhaps that little thought experiment will help you understand what this whole situation can feel like to players like me, to people who have struggled with internalized fatphobia and with eating disorders, who have been called heavy, who have been made to feel as though their worth is in their thinness. Fuck you, Square. Fuck you for not having an ounce of consideration for how this might possibly look. Fuck you for not considering people like me as complete people. Fuck you for making me watch a character I love suffer, not to tragedy, but to an illness that could have been avoided if anyone had shown him even an ounce of respect or care or decency or decorum--

…

I did warn y’all I was angry, this time.

Part 5: Two Alternative Scenarios that would Avoid All This

“So Haley,” you’re saying, somehow having read past the rant in the previous section, “if Square did it so horribly, how would you have done it?”

That, my dear reader, is an excellent question. In fact, I’ve got two solutions, which I will explain and elaborate upon below:

The first is rather simple: Prompto doesn’t actually lose the weight and becomes a canonical fat character. Absolutely nothing else would change about the story or Prompto’s character except for the following:

Noctis would become curious as to why this new friend of his was avoiding him. He then has the opportunity to open up to Ignis or Gladio and reflect on what he said, and realize that he actually hurt Prompto’s feelings. This motivates him to apologize, and the two become Actual Childhood Friends.

Prompto just Has This Body Type Now and nobody says dick about it, that’s just the Way He Looks

You could explore internalized fatphobia I suppose but I don’t actually trust Square to do this sensitively. You know who I do trust? Liam ( @chubbyargentum ), who writes the Nighttime Sunshine AU and fic.

All of the previously mentioned fatphobic comments are completely removed because all the bros love and support him.

Prompto isn’t the comic relief because of his size, he just happens to be both. Yes, there is a difference, and no, I am not going to derail the essay by explaining that.

Prompto would still absolutely kick ass, take names, shoot people, love chocobos...all the shit he does in canon. But now, you have a character who didn’t have to be completely humiliated to get to this point. Now you just...have a guy who happens to be friends with the prince, because he is kind and caring.

But okay, let’s take another approach. Let’s say Prompto does still lose weight. How, then, do we accomplish this without being fatphobic or debasing Prompto’s character like canon did?

That leads me to solution 2: Prompto does lose weight, but it’s incidental. Let me explain what I mean here:

Let’s have a situation in which the apology does still happen as I outlined in the first solution. Childhood friends is a thing.

As such, Prompto becomes...increasingly curious at all the cool training Noct does.

Noct is….embarrassed about this, I think. Because Prompto doesn’t like Understand What It All Means...and they’re still pretty young. Noct doesn’t want him to understand.

But Prompto? He wants to be able to Do Cool Shit, especially if it means defending his best bro who also happens to be the prince. And he doesn’t want Noct to do any of this alone. He asks to train with Noct, no special treatment (except for like the fact that he legit can’t do magic).

Gladio...allows this, begrudgingly. Then, permanently, when he notices Noct tries harder as a result of showing off.

Prompto starts to learn how to take care of himself from Gladio, and from Ignis, who has...gathered that Prompto doesn’t exactly have parents, and becomes invested in helping him learn how to cook healthy meals for himself. Who knows? Maybe the healthy eating will rub off on Noct!

The result is that, over time, Prompto does lose some weight...and starts to bulk up as Puberty Happens. However. This is all incidental. Prompto never set out to lose weight because he hated himself or felt unworthy, like in canon. He set out to become strong and train with his best bro. This is absolutely critical.

With this solution, Prompto does lose weight, but doesn’t become the borderline underweight young man with an eating disorder we all know and love. Instead, he’s been brought up around healthier traditions, which makes him immensely more suited for the role of Crownsguard when that time comes. In fact, he might have entered it at age 18 just like Gladio and Ignis did, despite Noct’s protests. Another thing I like about this solution is that it shows how Prompto is friends with Ignis and Gladio; how those relationships developed independently of Noctis, and why these four really are the family unit the game wants me to think they are.

And with these two solutions, I believe I have laid out some much stronger backstories for our beloved boy that avoid all of the...unfortunate implications of his canon backstory. I only wish that Square had thought about their implications just a little bit more, and done Prompto some true justice.

Part 6: What motivated this essay, and the power of shared experience

This isn’t really a proper conclusion, that’ll be in TL;DR, but I would be remiss to not include what actually motivated me to write this massive essay, and also share it with all of you. The sharing part, I think, is super critical. When you inhabit marginalized identities, and in this case I specifically mean having a fat body, it can be...difficult to share and discuss your experiences. Harder, still, to be public about them, and to criticize media that perpetuates these harmful ideas. But here I am, doing that. Here’s why that is.

About a month ago, I met @chubbyargentum, who is called Liam. I was cruising through the promptis tag, as you do, and found his Nighttime Sunshine AU, and his blog is filled with excellent art for it as well. The premise of this AU, on its face, is very simple: it’s a story where Prompto and Noctis did not actually become friends in high school, and two very important things are different: Prompto is still fat, and Noctis is a closeted trans man. While I can’t speak to the trans experience, I can indeed speak to the experience of inhabiting a fat body. And this AU….spoke to me. I don’t want to spoil too much but there is a rather emotional scene that just...confronts everything I wanted Square to confront about this that they never did. He approaches the topic with so much sensitivity and nuance, something that is so rarely seen in fandom.

I’ve talked with Liam every day since, and my brain has consistently been enlarged. A lot of things I let slide before...felt so egregious to me that I had to say them. I’ve been confronting my own internalized prejudices towards certain kinds of bodies all the time, and I am learning every day. He’s become a very dear friend of mine, and I care deeply about him.

This also came at I guess you could say the “first climax” of my journey with weight loss, which I had never had success with despite the trauma I described in Part 4. I’ve lost...a significant amount of weight since March, and I think the reason I’ve had so much success is 1) the support of my friends (notably @nonbinary-recipehs, @pocket-prompto, and @chubbyargentum), and 2) not feeling like I hated myself anymore. I approached it as a journey to become more strong, not less fat. As I outlined in Part 4...Prompto’s Brotherhood episode and character backstory were and are legitimately triggering to me, and, I imagine, to many others. Liam had the confidence to put the content in the world that he wished to see, and this essay is helping me do the same.

Having other people who share your marginalized experiences and validate them...well, I’m sure many of you know. It’s a feeling like no other. And I’ve never really had this feeling explicitly about the experience of being fat until now. Now, I understand that my anger is in fact, righteous. And I am not afraid to say so. The power of shared experience motivated this essay and, in fact, everything that I do on this blog. I have come away from this AU with the bravery to say aloud what I have always known to be true.

So thank you, Liam. Thank you, big brain group. And thank you, readers, for listening to an experience that may or may not mirror your own, and for opening up your heart enough to hear the roughly 5000 words before this point. Thank you for making the effort to understand, and the effort to learn and grow.

TL;DR

I did promise to provide an easily digestible version of the…(checks word count) ~5000 words before this point, so here we go. The central thesis of this essay is something like “the way Prompto’s weight loss arc was portrayed in Brotherhood is horrendously fatphobic for a number of reasons.” I then broke it down into six major pieces: the first four being the fact that weight loss is treated as moral by the narrative, the uncharacteristically dickish actions of Noctis, the fact that Prompto’s disorder is encouraged by other characters, and the out-of-universe triggering effects the story has. In the fifth piece, I outlined two alternative scenarios: one where Prompto doesn’t lose weight at all and remains fat, and one where he does lose weight but healthily so and fleshes out his character. In the final piece, I explained the motivation behind writing this essay, namely interacting with other fat fans like @chubbyargentum. I explained all of these points in great detail, being careful to stress that my issue with this isn’t any of the individual characters, but the bias that motivates the writing.

So...what now? Well, I’m not really sure. But this was something I really had to put into the world. I think it is important and necessary to speak up and criticize media that harms you. And you know what? Final Fantasy XV is still my favorite game. It is because I love it so much that I was motivated to write this, and by sharing it, I hope to contribute to a greater discussion about fatphobia in gaming, and in life.

#final fantasy xv #ffxv #tw fatphobia #tw eating disorders #prompto argentum #please be respectful with this one #i feel like this is an unpopular opinion #but it is incredibly necessary that i say this #because it is something i believe #and because I don't want square to continue to get away with it #thank you for read #haley.exe #haley writes ffxv #haley has opinions #i'm preparing for so much hate

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terramythos · 3 years

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TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 34 of 26

Title: The Harbors of the Sun (2017) (The Books of the Raksura #5)

Author: Martha Wells

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Epic Fantasy, Adventure, LGBT Protagonist, Female Protagonist (Kind Of), Third-Person

Rating: 9/10

Date Began: 12/11/2020

Date Finished: 12/25/2020

Moon and his friends are reeling from the betrayal of a former ally. With several members of their party kidnapped, and a mysterious weapon stolen by their new enemy, the chase is on. He and the others must infiltrate unknown territory to rescue their missing family and avert a deadly calamity. At the same time, a massive army of Fell are gathering to attack the Reaches. The Raksuran colonies of Indigo Cloud and Opal Night must join forces to defend their home before they are overrun and destroyed.

“But you don’t want to be near Fell,” Moon guessed. Considering what had happened to Shade when they had been captured by the Fell flight northwest of the Reaches, it was only rational.

“No, I don’t.” He looked at Moon hopelessly. “Is that weak?”

Consorts were supposed to be weak and delicate and need everything done for them, but Moon and Shade were different, and nothing was going to change that. And “weak” wasn’t really the right word for what Shade meant. What he was trying to say was harder to express. It was giving into feelings other people thought you were supposed to have about things that shouldn’t have happened to you in the first place, but were not like the actual feelings you did have. There wasn’t a word for that in Raksuran or Altanic or Kedaic or any other language Moon knew. Moon said, “It’s not weak.”

Full review, some spoilers, and content warning(s) under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Graphic violence and action. Implied past r*pe (it’s the same plot point as previous books). Genocide is a big plot point of this one.

The Harbors of the Sun is the fifth, and presumably final, book in the Raksura series. And boy what a ride it's been. I've enjoyed settling in with a longer fantasy series. While I'm excited to read something new, I'll miss these characters and the captivating world they inhabit. Since this is probably the last installment, I'll look into book-specific details, but also provide some series retrospective commentary. I won't touch on everything, just things that stick out to me.

From what I can tell, The Harbors of the Sun is a little controversial with long time fans. I can see why, and it's the same reason I added "Epic Fantasy" to the tag list. Most of the series has focused on small-scale conflicts centering on the Raksuran characters. There's hints of large-scale stuff in The Siren Depths, but that crisis is averted, so thus not fully realized. However, these last two books contain a much longer storyline, and the stakes in The Harbors of the Sun are potentially catastrophic not just for the Raksura, but thousands if not millions of people. Think The Lord of the Rings trilogy vs The Hobbit in terms of ramp up.

Due to the larger scale, this book also embraces a rotating point of view. The original trilogy is entirely from Moon's perspective, and The Edge of Worlds only dips its toes into alternate POVs. The Harbors of the Sun features multiple character groups all doing important things to the story, so there's lots of perspective shifts. While I still consider Moon the main character, he shares the stage with many others.

Personally, I like the scaled up conflict. It seems like a natural progression of the series. While not every point of view wows me, finally seeing some stuff from Jade and Chime's perspective (for example) is really cool. While Moon is an enjoyable protagonist, he often interprets characters and motivations wrong. Getting someone else’s take on a given situation or character is refreshing.

One of my favorite alt-perspectives is Frost. She's a young child and minor character, but serves as the perspective for a tense political discussion between Raksuran queens about impending war with the Fell. This whole section serves to convey important information, but also as great worldbuilding to see how Raksura interact with, indulge, and care for their young. While we have seen adult perspectives such as Moon happily playing with his children, it's interesting to see a child's view of life in the colony. This is emblematic of Wells' approach to the series and her technique when crafting this world. It would be easy to pick a major character like Malachite and tell this section from her perspective, but we would miss many interesting details. Using Frost isn't something I would necessarily consider, and is just a cool writing choice.

By the end, The Harbors of the Sun feels like it's been a long, epic journey-- more so than the shorter adventures of previous books. A LOT of stuff happens in this book, and there's so many different interesting places the characters visit. Even events at the beginning feel distant compared to where everything ends. There is a unique appeal in this kind of story. Maybe it's not for everyone, but I personally like the change of pace and tone, especially as a finale.

For a series retrospective, the Fell are an interesting subject to discuss. I'm impressed with what Wells pulls off with them. One of my criticisms of The Cloud Roads is the Fell aren't especially compelling villains. They're an evil race of shapeshifters, distantly related to Raksura, who infiltrate cities and eat the population. The Fell are parasites-- they have no real culture or ability to survive except through the destruction of others. They’ve recently taken to destroying Raksuran colonies, kidnapping survivors, and forcing them to produce crossbreeds. Obviously, this introduces two narrative problems. One, "evil races" in fantasy are boring and already done ad nauseam. Two, how can one make the Fell interesting when they're literally irredeemable monsters?

The answer, it turns out, is a nature vs nurture debate, and it's mostly approached through the Fell/Raksura crossbreed characters. While these ideas have been explored throughout the series, The Harbors of the Sun brings it full circle. The Cloud Roads' main antagonist is Ranea, a crossbreed queen raised by the Fell. She sees the crossbreeds as a natural way to strengthen the Fell and make them an even deadlier force than they are by default, since Raksura have their own set of powers and traits. She’s soundly defeated, supposedly concluding the subplot. Until, of course, it comes back.

In The Siren Depths, we meet several crossbreed characters who are, for all intents and purposes, Raksura. Malachite rescued them as children and chose to raise them as Raksura of Opal Night. The result is that, while Shade and Lithe are aware of their heritage, they've experienced love and acceptance throughout their lives. Sure, they may have some physical traits and abilities that differ from the others, but often these have practical uses in the story. Their families don’t treat them differently because of this. As characters, they're just as Raksuran as everyone else.

In The Edge of Worlds, we're introduced to another crossbreed queen, a foil to Ranea. While she makes some early mistakes, unlike Ranea she seems capable of reason and compassion. We learn her name and backstory in The Harbors of the Sun. Consolation was born in a Fell flight, but most of her childcare came from her father, a captive Raksuran consort. Hence her name, which is painful with context and distinctly Raksuran. Apparently, the consort's influence didn't just extend to Consolation, but to other outcasts in the flight. After his death, Consolation and her allies slaughtered the leadership and took over the flight, and seek a place to live in peace independent of traditional Fell corruption and influence.

One of the interesting things about this are the kethel and dakti in Consolation's flight. Throughout the series, these two Fell castes are basically treated as cannon fodder. If you need a big intimidating enemy, throw in a kethel. For annoying imp swarms, dakti. The Raksura tend to think of these creatures as intelligent animals, not people. They only talk when a Fell ruler takes over their mind. They're treated badly among the Fell; cannibalized them when food stores get low, thrown into suicidal situations, etc.

In The Harbors of the Sun, the kethel and dakti can speak, much to the surprise of the main cast. Consolation's main advisor is a crossbreed dakti named First. There's also a kethel (presumably pureblooded Fell) that follows and assists Moon and Stone throughout the book and engages them in conversation. They clearly distrust it, but over the course of the story go from calling it "the kethel" to "Kethel", like an actual name. It has ulterior motives-- to convince the Raksura to help Consolation-- but is certainly not "inherently evil", nor just an intelligent animal. This is counter to everything we've been led to believe through the series, and it shocks multiple characters and challenges their way of thinking.

The argument at the end is that the Fell are evil because of a poisonous ideology and the total control of the progenitors (female rulers). Raised with compassion and better treatment, they're very similar to the Raksura. I'm honestly impressed with where the Fell end up vs where they start in The Cloud Roads. I don't know if Wells planned this arc for them from the beginning, but I like the amount of nuance she introduced without it feeling gross or trite. Does it work 100 percent? I'm not sure; I'd have to reread the series in more depth. But based on my current thoughts, it’s a good development; it doesn’t “redeem” or justify the Fell, but demonstrates the ways in which future generations can change and break the cycle. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, and many characters clearly distrust these “new” Fell (understandable considering the sheer trauma most of the cast has), but it’s an interesting take nevertheless.

On another subject, we never really learn what was up with the forerunners! Except they really liked flower motifs, I guess. I kind of like this; there's an impression that the long forgotten civilizations of the past were technologically advanced, but no one knows what happened to them. It's just an enduring mystery of the series. Ultimately it doesn't matter to the characters, and that's fine.

Also, we now have confirmation that The Serpent Sea is basically filler. It felt like a side story when I read it, but part of me hoped it would have some relevance to these last two books. Nope. I’m a little disappointed in this, but it’s not the end of the world, just something to keep in mind when reading the series. I think the book is entertaining on its own merits, but there’s little to connect it to the main story besides the characters.

Overall I recommend these books to people looking for a non-traditional fantasy series. There's no humans or typical Tolkein-esque fantasy races. Instead there are dozens of sapient humanoid species invented whole cloth, with some obvious real world inspirations. The shapeshifting Raksura are lovingly crafted, with lots of interesting detail about their culture, customs, and daily life. I love how they feel like believable people but are distinctly nonhuman. As a setting, The Three Worlds is deadly and fascinating, with lots of interesting places and people. There's always a sense of a big, vibrant world, even when the books choose not to explore it in depth. While The Harbors of the Sun feels like a finale to the current Raksuran story, I wouldn't be surprised if Wells visits this setting in the future.

There are some short story collections in this series which I do plan to read sometime in 2021. However, I'm going to take a break from the Raksura series and dive into something else for now. Thanks for reading!

#2020 reading challenge #taylor reads #9/10

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silverlightqueen · 4 years

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Mischief Managed: Restricted Section

Across the United Kingdom, millions of children attend school every day, studying Maths, English and Science, but deep in the Scottish Highlands, a lucky thousand schoolkids get to study Potions, Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts. Whilst the rest of us learn names like Shakespeare, Avogadro and Fibonacci, they learn names like Goshawk, Bagshot and Scamander. Whilst we learn how to do algebra, how to analyse poems and how photosynthesis works, they learn how correctly use a Conjuring Spell, how to brew a Draught of Living Death and how to fly a Nimbus 2000. And naturally, school children will always find a way to misbehave, to get up to no good, to make mischief, but when you add spells, potions and magic into the mix? Let’s just say… they get up to more than just mischief. Welcome to Hogwarts.

hogwarts!au, Park Jimin x reader - comedy, mild sexual content

Rating: PG17 (discussion of sex, sexual innuendo, brief mentions of violence and torture, mild profanity)

Word Count: 2.4k+

a/n: check the masterlist before you read!! here is the second instalment of my new hogwarts drabble series called Mischief Managed! (I know it’s really quick, but I’m motivated atm so I’m just posting as I finish them lmao). thank you to the loml @silverlightprincess for proof-reading and editing for me, you’re the best! I really hope y’all enjoy this, lmk what you think, I thrive off praise lmao x

silverlightqueen masterlist

Accio (Summoning Charm)

Type: Charm

Pronunciation: Various, including: AK-ee-oh or AK-see-oh , AK-see-oh , AS-see-oh (US), and AT-chee-oh (Anglo-Catholic pronunciation)

Description: Summons an object towards the caster. It is able to summon objects in direct line of sight of the caster, as well as things out of view, by calling the object aloud after the incantation (unless the spell is casted nonverbally). This spell needs thought behind it, and the object must be clear in the casters mind before trying to summon it. The caster doesn't necessarily need to know the location of the target if they say the name of the object to be summoned, such as when Hermione Granger summoned some books from Dumbledore's office simply by saying "Accio Horcrux books!" while in Gryffindor Tower

Etymology: The Latin word accio means "I call" or "I summon"

Notes: The Summoning Charm is unable to directly summon exceptionally large targets such as buildings, or living creatures (except for Flobberworms which aren't considered to be worth summoning). It is, however, possible to move a creature by summoning things they are wearing or holding. It is also possible to bewitch items to become unaffected from this charm, as is the case with most bought goods

Lumos (Wand-Lighting Charm)

Type: Charm

Pronunciation: LOO-mos

Description: Illuminates the tip of the caster's wand, allowing the caster to see in the dark

Etymology: Latin lumen, "light"

Notes: opposite incantation, Nox, puts the light out

‘Good evening, Madam Pince,’ I say as sweetly as possible with a big smile, and the Hogwarts librarian looks at me over her glasses, her eyes flitting to Jimin stood behind me. ‘Miss y/l/n, Mr Park. How can I help you both?’ she asks slowly, nasally drawl nearly going through me, but I widen my smile even more at the vulture-like woman, looking past the hooked-nose and the shrivelled skin. ‘We’re doing a project for Professor Moody, on the Unforgiveable Curses, and he said that the books we need are in the Restricted Section,’ I smile, injecting as much sickly sweetness into my voice as possible, and I’m even graced with a smile as Madam Pince holds a hand out. ‘Note?’

Jimin drops the note from Professor Moody into her palm, and she inspects it thoroughly, holding it up to the light, before looking back to the two of us. ‘Nobody else has come asking about Unforgiveable Curse books in the Restricted Section,’ she says, almost suspicious, and I’m worried she’s going to refuse us entry – all we’ll be able to write of our essay is the title if we can’t go in and research. ‘We were all given different topics,’ Jimin replies pleasantly with his award-winning smile, and she gives one curt nod. ‘You have an hour and a half, not a moment longer,’ she says, waving her wand at the rope which cordons off the Restricted Section, the rope disappearing, and Jimin and I exchange a victorious glance. ‘Thank you, Madam Pince,’ we chorus, and she nods, waving us away with a ‘hurry along. And don’t touch the chained-up books! You’ll regret it if you do!’

We quickly head into the Restricted Section, the rope reappearing behind us, and I stop in my tracks, having to take a few moments to let my eyes readjust to the darkness. ‘Would it kill them to invest in a couple more lamps?’ Jimin mutters, putting his hand around my wrist and pulling me along behind him. The Restricted Section isn’t that big, only a few shelves on either side of us, but the darkness and the shadows make me feel like hundreds of scary things could be hiding in here, ready to pounce.

‘Lumos,’ Jimin whispers, a sudden burst of light appearing from the tip of his wand, and I feel a little better after he does so, grabbing my wand and doing the same. ‘Where do we start?’ Jimin asks, letting go of my hand, and I suddenly feel vulnerable, quickly reaching for him again, and he turns to me with an amused raise of his eyebrow. ‘Are you scared, y/n? Not very Slytherin of you,’ Jimin teases, and I roll my eyes, keeping a firm grip on his hand. ‘Shut it.’ ‘Well, I can’t hold your hand the entire time. We’ve got to actually look through the books,’ he says, and I sigh, reluctantly letting go and ignoring his laughter as I turn to look at the closest shelf.

I hold up my wand, the light from the tip streaming out onto the spines of the books, illuminating the titles. None of them seem relevant to the Unforgiveable Curses – they’re about potions or evil wizards or dark magic that’s been banned by the Ministry. But then, any of them could mention the Unforgiveable Curses, and I realise just how vague this project topic is. ‘Found anything?’ I hear Jimin’s disembodied voice echo from the other side of the shelves. ‘Nope, not yet,’ I call back, and he lets out a sigh, both of us resuming our searching in silence.

‘Here, I found one,’ Jimin says, and I can’t get to him quick enough, feeling uneasy being around all these… evil books, and in the dark, no less. The tip of his wand is resting against a book titled, ‘Magick Moste Evile’ and I use my wand to pull it off the shelf, reluctant to touch it. ‘You flip through it, see if you can find anything, and I’ll look for some more,’ Jimin says, already beginning to walk away, and I have too much pride to ask him to stay, so I just nod, looking down at the book. I use my wand to flip through the pages, and each Curse has a page dedicated to it, a little breakdown of each curse, how you perform them successfully, and their effects.

After skimming through those three pages, I’m curious as to what other spells could be in the book, and so I ignore the voice in my head telling me not to do it, and continuing flicking through the pages. Some of the spells and magic are interesting, like ‘Protego Diabolica’ (which creates a ring of fire around the caster – their allies can pass through unharmed but their enemies will be incinerated the second they come into contact with it), and ‘Fiendfyre’ (which they do teach us about, but not until we’re in sixth or seventh year because of how dangerous it is), but most of the spells make me shiver, like ‘Transmogrification Torture’ (which tortures the victim to death) and ‘Serpensortia’ (which produces a snake from the wand of the caster that attacks the victim).

‘y/n?’ I hear Jimin call, and I quickly flick back to the pages on the Unforgiveable Curses, feeling cold all over. ‘Yeah?’ I reply, and he sticks his head around the corner of the shelf beside me, making me jump. ‘You think they only have books on, like… dark magic and evil shit in here?’ he asks, a mischievous grin on his face, and I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously. ‘Well, what else would they have?’ ‘Sex books?’ he smirks, eyes sparkling with mischief, and my mouth drops open.

‘I- what? Sex books?’ I echo, eyes wide, and his grin grows even more with amusement at my reaction. ‘Yep. Like… the wizards’ Kama Sutra,’ he nods, and I choke on air, ignoring his stupid laughter. ‘Who told you about the Kama Sutra? That’s a muggle thing,’ I demand, and he looks like he’s stumbled across gold, a hand running through his jet black locks and his eyes sparkling when he says, ‘how does our innocent little y/nie know what the Kama Sutra is?’ I feel a little embarrassed, but I shake it off, rolling my eyes as I reply, ‘I grew up around stupid muggle boys, Jimin, of course I know what the Kama Sutra is. How do you know?’ ‘The others told me, Tae and Hobi about it.’ ‘Which others?’ ‘Jin, Yoongi, Namjoon and Jungkook,’ he lists off, and I gasp, offended, pushing down my confusion about why they were talking about sex in one of my very few absences.

‘When did you guys hang out without me?’ I demand, and he laughs. ‘When you were having your girls’ night with your little girlfriends a few weeks ago,’ he says mockingly, and I push down the temptation to hex him. The boys are always laughing at my friendship with some of the other Slytherin girls (Jennie, Nayeon, Solar, Jeongyeon, Irene and Tzuyu), saying that I’m too much of a bitch to have girl friends, but every now and then, you just need a girls’ night (and I have to have a break from the Gryffindors in our friendship group sometimes – they’re a bit much).

‘Well, no, I don’t think they have a wizards’ Kama Sutra in here. It probably doesn’t even exist,’ I murmur, reaching into my robes and pulling out my mobile phone to take pictures of the relevant pages in the book in front of me. We don’t get service here, because of the magic and because of how far out in the countryside we are (sometimes I’m lucky and get one bar down in Hogsmeade – it’s pretty rare though), but it’s good for taking pictures of books in the library so that I don’t have to take notes on parchment and then copy those notes into an essay. ‘I beg to differ. There had to have been someone who’s used magic to have freaky sex, and they have to have published it somewhere,’ Jimin says offhandedly, and I pull a face at him, not wanting to imagine the kind of things that would be published in a wizards’ book of sex positions.

‘Why are you, like, interested in finding it? It’s not like you need it,’ I tease, and he lets out a mocking laugh, rolling his eyes. ‘I’ll have you know that Jennie asked me to go down to Hogsmeade with her next weekend,’ he says proudly, and I look at him in surprise, ignoring the tense feeling that tightens my chest. ‘She did? She didn’t… tell me anything,’ I say, voice soft with shock, and he raises an eyebrow. ‘I’m surprised. You girls tell each other everything, right?’ he says, and I nod. ‘Well, we’re supposed to anyway. But whatever, it’s fine. She’s allowed to have her secrets,’ I say neutrally, using my wand to lift ‘Magick Moste Evile’ back onto the shelf.

‘Just because she’s asked you to Hogsmeade with her, it doesn’t mean you need the wizards’ Kama Sutra,’ I say, and he raises an eyebrow with a smirk. ‘We’ll see,’ he replies, and I shoot him a dirty look. ‘Men are so trash. I wish I was lesbian sometimes,’ I say mildly, continuing to search through the books, and Jimin closes his eyes, pressing his fingers to his temples. ‘Hold on, don’t say anything, let me just. Oh, yeah, that’s imprinted on my brain now,’ he says, and I let out a disgusted noise, reaching out to swat at him, and he dodges my hand with a mischievous grin. ‘Pervert.’ ‘I was joking.’ ‘I’m not sure I believe you.’ ‘Yeah, don’t.’

I roll my eyes, turning away from him and searching for more books, aware that our time is running out, and I want to find enough information to write a good essay – I don’t really want to get on the wrong side of Professor Moody. ‘This is getting boring,’ Jimin says, and I recognise his tone. It’s when he has an idea, and he’s waiting for me to agree that it’s boring, so that he can enact his idea, so I side-eye him. ‘What’s your idea?’ I ask, and he laughs, before holding up his wand. ‘Accio Unforgiveable Curse books,’ he says, and before he’s even finished speaking, I know it’s a bad idea.

The second the words leave his mouth, several loud thuds sound, and I drop to the floor, ducking from the several books that are (inevitably) about to fly towards us. A couple dozen books in total zoom through the air towards Jimin, and he shields himself, wrapping his arms around himself and tucking his head down as they make contact with his body, one of them hitting top of his head and another the area between his legs. I hold a hand over my mouth to stop the laughter from bursting out, especially when he looks at me, pouting.

‘What was that?’ we hear Madam Pince’s shrill voice echo, and my amusement is replaced by panic. Luckily, I’m a quick thinker, and I call back, ‘nothing to worry about, Madam Pince! Jimin just tripped on his robes, but he’s fine!’ Jimin shoots me a dirty look and I smile back angelically as Madam Pince replies, ‘if you say so. Remember, you only have 47 minutes and 24 seconds!’ Jimin scowls in the direction of her voice, and I have to stifle more laughter. ‘That hurt,’ he mutters miserably, rubbing at his head, and I roll my eyes as I pick myself up off the floor, dusting off my robes. ‘Will you kiss me better, y/n?’ he says cutely, pouting his plump lips and giving me big puppy dog eyes, and I scowl back at him. ‘You’re such a baby. This is what you get for talking about sex books,’ I say, and he rolls his eyes, before gasping with realisation.

‘Should I try the summoning spell to see if there are any sex books?’ he asks, and I scowl at him. ‘I swear to God,’ I say, pointing a threatening finger at him, ‘if you keep banging on about these non-existent sex books, I will not put your name on the essay, and you can face Moody, and tell him that you spent all your time looking for the wizards’ Kama Sutra instead of books on Unforgiveable Curses.’ ‘Excuse me!’ he exclaims, feigning hurt and clutching onto his chest, ‘if it weren’t for me, you’d still be searching all the shelves for Unforgiveable Curse books! And anyway, you’re the one who brought the sex books up again!’

‘Did somebody say sex books?’ we hear Madam Pince shriek, both of us looking at each in shock and panic. ‘No, Madam Pince, we said hex books!’ I call back, Jimin giving me a thumbs up, impressed with my quick thinking. ‘I should think so too,’ she mutters primly, both of us holding hands over our mouths to stifle our laughter.

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skvaderarts · 3 years

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Hiraeth Chapter 6: Reassurance

Masterlist can be found Here!

Chapter Six: Reassurance

Note: Thank you for all the lovely comments! I love talking with you all each chapter. It never fails to put a smile on my face.

-~-

Snow blew through the entryway door, picked up and carried there by the brutally cold winter wind that practically carried them into the home with it as they rushed through the door, slamming it behind them in a desperate attempt to cover their tracks. Neither of them knew where the mysterious group of people who had shown up to their town had come from, but considering the fact that there was only one road into the area, it wasn’t very difficult to figure out what direction they might have come from. Still, their motivations for coming there to commit such unspeakable atrocities were less than clear to V, and he was starting to wonder what their ulterior motives might be. It was rare for people to simply drive into a populated area on a whim with the end goal of decimating it, but here they were. And they seemed to be working towards some kind of end goal. After all, there was clearly a certain level of organization present within their actions, just not one that made much sense to him.

“It would probably be best to stay within sight of the road, but not within sight of people from the road, right? That seems like a safe bet.” A small voice said as its owner rifled through different items in the kitchen, seemingly searching for something. She knew that they were running out of time, and she was trying to make the most out of a terrible situation. “Well, as safe as bets get right now, I guess. Where both kind of in the dark here.”

The target of her words stood in the living area of his small abode, looking through a few items of interest. He planned to return here, that much he knew, so there was no logical reason to pack any valuable or useless items for their trip. Sentiment didn’t help him much in this particular situation. Still, there was the irrational worry that he might lose something in this situation despite the fact that the large majority of what was here wasn’t his. Furnished apartments were common in this area, and as such, were relatively cheap, so renting one had been his first choice. As such, there were only a few things of any note here that belonged to him, and most of them were books. It seemed that his compulsion to hoard written works had gotten the best of him yet again. There was something so satisfying about watching a bookcase fill up with books that he brought home from his quiet day job, clearance items taking their rightful place on the builtins that lined the far wall of his small living space. He was aware of the fact that he probably should have utilized that space more efficiently, but he was okay with that. At least he’d been happy.

He’d been happy, hadn’t he?

Looking back on it at that moment in time, he couldn’t say what he felt. Terror was a predominant fixture in his adrenaline addled mind, and little else mattered aside from getting out of there as quickly, and as safely, as possible. Neither of them deserved to die, not that deserving something ever had very much to do with receiving it. But regardless, he was going to try to make it as difficult as possible for their attackers to track them down and kill them, or worse. And the first part of that process was to get out of town and to the next one as quickly as possible.

With a soft sigh, V turned in the direction of the kitchen where his young companion was still going through the contents of the cabinets and drawers. He watched her for a moment, quietly curious as to what she was doing, but strangely unaffected by the fact that she was doing so. This was a life or death situation, so it made perfect sense that she wouldn’t probably consider how rude she might be acting as a result. He couldn’t blame her in the slightest for that. But regardless, they needed to get going.

“Agreed. That was my intention from the start when I planned to go into the woods. Without the road or a map, we would be hopelessly lost in deep snow, and that could prove to be our undoing easily.” He walked into the kitchen, taking a moment to look out of the window. V didn’t see anyone coming, but that didn’t mean that they weren’t. After all, he hadn’t seen them coming the first time around. “What are you looking for? I do live here. Perhaps I could help you find it.”

She stopped for a moment, facepalming as she shook her head, a worried look on her face. She raised her arms before dropping them, seemingly flustered as she groaned and looked at him, a worried yet apologetic look in her eyes. He could tell that she was sorry and overwhelmed without him even asking, and he didn’t need to ask her why. After all, he wasn’t stupid. Or, at the very least, he didn’t like to think he was.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I should’ve asked first! I don’t know where my mind was…” She looked overwhelmed for a moment, her eyes slightly watery as she tried to steady herself. “Look, I promise I’m not normally this rude. I just… I was looking for a knife or something. Anything we could use as a weapon in case they catch us again. Pretty sure we’re fresh out of safes.”

V stared at her for a moment, unsure as to whether or not he should laugh at that morbid statement. He wasn’t sure he could even if he wanted to, but there was a part of him that did find it genuinely funny. As far as he was concerned, the man deserved whatever fate had befallen him. After all, anyone who was willing to just show up in a town and kill people had nothing but bad things coming. He wouldn’t pretend to know or understand their reasons, but he was willing to bet that they didn’t have any that warranted the kind of actions they’d partaken in.

“You’re fine. I understand. And yes, I do, in fact, have something that you might be able to use.” He turned in the direction of the standing dish cabinet in the corner of the room, opening one of the three drawers that made up the bottom third of the unit. He then produced a small canister and closed the drawer before turning to face her yet again. “It would be more useful than a knife, at least. You have to get too close to use that. Here, take this.”

With that, he handed her the small spray can and readied himself to leave. She examined it for a moment, clearly unsure as to how it worked and what it actually did. As she tried to understand how this simple looking container could be used as a weapon, V walked over to the front door, taking a moment to look out the front window. The coast was still clear, but he had an aching feeling that it wouldn’t remain that way for much longer. Something in the very core of his being was urging him to leave, and he was more than willing to oblige it. Every moment that they spent inside the house was time that they could be using to get to the next town over, but also another opportunity for their attackers to hunt them down and more than likely kill them.

He picked up the over the shoulder bag that he’d packed and headed through the kitchen towards the back door after locking the front door behind them, gesturing for the young girl to follow him. She did so, but grabbed a knife from the drawer as she went, shrugging as he gave her a curious look. “Well, better safe than sorry. Can’t have too many weapons, right? I mean, what if this spray doesn’t work? What does it do, anyway? I’ve never used anything like this before.”

For a moment, he didn’t quite understand her question. Then it occurred to him that he hadn’t explained to her how to use it. He opened the back door, feeling the cool winter air dance across his face. Before them stood nothing but thick trees just across the small space that made up his back yard. He only hoped that the snow wasn’t too thick. “It’s pepper spray. You spray it in the face of someone who is trying to attack them, and it should at least slow them down since it burns their eyes and lungs. That particular can works by squeezing the top down and pointing it away from you. In my experience, it’s quite useful.”

She nodded, seemingly catching the gist of what he was saying. That was better than having to stab someone, but she was going to keep the knife just in case her first option didn’t work out like she was hoping it would. That, and it might prove useful in other ways. After all, having a sharp object in a situation like this could prove to be a lifesaver.

Following him out into the chilly air, she shivered as he locked the door and turned towards the woods. They were really going in there, hu? She’d spent most of her life being told by her grandparents about the woods that encompassed the town, and how only the foolish dared to venture into them. It was apparently part of the reason that her parents had moved away and into the city just after she’d been born. But she still came down for the weekend every year during winter break, and she couldn’t help but notice that there was in fact, something eerie about the forest. It was a hard thing to put a finger on, but she was certain that something was just… wrong with the entire place. It was almost as if they radiated some sort of darkness that she could feel but couldn’t see, though that could have just been her overactive imagination. She’d was a pretty wild kid, after all.

Before long, V was holding a branch back for her to duck under as they entered the woods, the both of them trying to keep their composure for different reasons. There was an awful lot going on, and all of it could prove to be their undoing, but they had no other option but to forge ahead and hope for the best. It was either go back into town and surrender to the mysterious strangers who had laid waste to their quiet little town. Neither of them would willingly pick that option if it was presented to them, and they didn’t even need to ask one another that question to know the answer to it.

They walked in hurried silence for the first half-hour or so, both of them too afraid of being heard to speak out loud. Although it was unlikely that anyone could sneak up on them and not be heard due to the amount of snow on the ground, they were both too scared of dying to try their luck. Although a simple conversation about literally anything would go a long way towards making them both less anxious, neither of them was willing to actually try and start one. It was simply too risky. But after nearly an hour of uncomfortable silence, the young girl decided to quietly break the silence.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name. I’m Morgan.” Her voice was so quiet that V had to actually stop for a moment and look back at her to make sure that she was talking to him. He’d been walking ahead of her, helping both to flatten the snow so that she could walk quicker and to keep an eye out for trouble. “Thanks for not leaving me back there. Your pretty brave, ya know? Helping a total stranger out like that. At least I think so.”

V considered her words for a moment. He didn’t feel brave. In fact, there was a part of him that still felt deeply ashamed for considering leaving her behind to try and save himself. He knew that it had just been his self-preservation instincts trying to keep him alive, but he still didn’t like to think about the fact that he might be capable of something so despicable. Never in his life had he ever conjured up something so loathsome as to leave a child to die during what amounted to a small scale terrorist attack or something similar. It was simply beneath his dignity to do something like that, even if he didn’t know who the other party involved was. And now that he knew the young girl’s name, there was no way that he was going to leave her to fend for herself if he had any say in the matter. No. He’d spend the rest of his life laying awake in his bed, thinking about the simply unforgivable lengths he was willing to go to save himself. That was no type of life to live.

“My name is… I’m V.” He spoke quieter than he probably ever had before, still worried about the possibility of accidentally alerting their enemies to their location. Maybe a short conversation was what they both needed to ease the tension between them.” And you shouldn’t thank me for doing the right thing. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I just stood by and let him… hurt you.”

To his surprise, she folded her arms around herself and shook her head, a disapproving look on her face. It seemed that they didn’t see eye to eye in this particular situation, and that was something that actually surprised him quite a bit. She seemed to be very adamant as to her opinion on the matter, something that he admittedly respected. For such a young girl, Morgan was very sure of herself and her motivations for what she did and didn’t do. It was honestly commendable, as long as it didn’t interfere with his plans to get them both to something even remotely akin to safety.

“But I should. A lot of people don’t.” There was a look in her eyes that recognized. It was very similar to the one that he’d seen on her face when she’d told him what had happened to her grandparents.” My dad didn’t. That’s why it’s just me and my mom and my grandparents now. Well, it was my grandparents… I’m gonna miss them. I can’t believe they’re really gone. How am I gonna tell my mom?”

He shrugged slightly, entirely at a loss as to what to say about the matter. He didn’t know her or her mother, and to his knowledge, he didn’t know her grandparents, either. Before today, there had been no one in town that he really interacted with. At most, there had been the occasional hello in passing as he walked up the street, or a polite thank you when he happened to bump into the mail courier on his way out the door to go to work, but that had been it. He didn’t really have anyone that he would be willing to call a friend, and he most certainly didn’t know anyone. People here kept to themselves, and that was a large part of the reason that he had moved there in the first place.

Unsure what else he could say to try and ease her suffering, he exhaled softly, watching his breath turn into cool mist as it left his mouth. “I can’t say. Maybe I could tell her for you once this is all over. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sure they were good people.” It occurred to him that opening up to her might make his response seem a bit less unnatural or insincere. That wasn’t something he normally did, but this wasn’t a normal situation, so exceptions were bound to be made. “I’ve never known any of my family, so I can’t imagine what your feeling right now.”

Morgan gave him an almost hurt look, one that he wasn’t sure as to the origins of. On the one hand, it could be horror at his revelation. But at the same time, it could very well be a result of his explanation not holding the weight that he hoped it would. With a soft sigh, V glanced back at her for a moment, daring to take a moment to explain further. If they were going to get through this, then they had to work together. Having hard feelings between them didn’t assist them in any way.

“... I don’t tell you these things so that you will feel pity for me. I tell you them so that you will understand why I respond the way that I do.” He wasn’t entirely sure how to say what he wanted to say, but V hoped that she understood that he truly did feel sorry for the situation that she found herself in. Was it better to never be loved, to be loved only to lose it? He hoped that he would never have the opportunity to find out. “I don’t lack empathy. I lack first-hand experience and understanding, so I have a hard time relating to what you’ve said to me. But I do care in spite of that.”

A small, sad smile spread across Morgan’s freckled face as she wiped her eyes, looking down at the ground. She hadn’t expected him to say that to her. “T-thanks, V. Your alright. But I have a question.”

Gesturing towards her to continue, V nodded. “Ok, but then it’s probably best we remain silent for a while longer. Were still somewhat close to town, and we have to cross the road soon if we have any hope of reaching the town by nightfall. It gets very cold after dark.”

She cleared her throat as quietly as she could, the cold air parching her slightly. But in spite of that, she refused to drink what little water V had brought with them, or eat any of the food that he had stored in his bag. They had agreed to take turns carrying it, and it had to last until they got where they were going. “So V, what if we get there and everyone is dead like where we just came from? What do we do then?”

V stopped dead in his tracks, truly taken back by that question. It made perfect sense, but the brain-numbing horror that he felt as he considered the idea that these crazed lunatics might have attacked more than just their quiet town was simply too horrible for his mind to process. “... I… I don’t know. But either way, I’ll try my best to keep you safe.”

Morgan nodded. “Me too. That a promise?”

Although he wasn’t sure what the small girl could do other than throw another heavy object at his opponents or mace them, he didn’t doubt the determination that he saw in her eyes. And in some small way, he felt better just looking at her. Even if there was nothing that either of them could really do to change the course of their future, both of them were more hopeful now than they probably had been since they’d met, and that was something to take comfort in.

“That’s a promise.”

-~-

Hey everyone! I hope you liked this chapter! Things have really gone to hell, haven’t they? At least we know that V makes it out of this somehow, but that doesn’t mean that this will be easy. Mark my words, this is one hardcore backstory. No, I’m not sorry for making that joke. See you on Friday!

#Hiraeth #V #DMC5 #V's Backstory #Devil May Cry 5

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spycrate8 · 3 years

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As one of the leaders in making use of antioxidants, he was additionally the developer of the well-known Meso glow, utilizing Mesotherapie shots with a vitamin alcoholic drink. Typical full facelift is better for more advanced maturing with platysmal banding and also extreme skin laxity. Thermage ® CPTThermage ® CPT is a radiofrequency technology that naturally and three-dimensionally contracts the collagen in the skin. It attract lots of stars because it produces a rejuvenated, and revitalized as well as overall younger appearance to the skin without changing your looks.

Side Effects

BOTOX ® Wrinkles and fine lines aren't just tell-tale indications of aging; eyebrow frowns and also wrinkles around the eyes, like crow's feet, can likewise make you look weary or 'hard'. Are you beginning to discover the lines and wrinkles however also afraid to have asurgical facelift therapy, or simply worried about being evaluated? You can still appreciate the advantages of a medical facelift by selecting anon medical facelift.

How can I lose my double chin fast?

1. Straight jaw jut 1. Tilt your head back and look toward the ceiling. 2. Push your lower jaw forward to feel a stretch under the chin. 3. Hold the jaw jut for a 10 count. 4. Relax collagenre store hifu high-wycombe features and return your head to a neutral position.

LOOK YOUNGER IN DAYS - Our collagen increasing serum is specifically developed to aid your skin heal normally and also rejuvenate collagen production. The result is more youthful, tighter looking skin that assists turn around the visible indicators of aging. The procedure for a Non Surgical Face Lift involves a powerful pressure of injectable fillers that reduce or get rid of great lines, sagging as well as creases. The shots also include muscle mass immobilising products such asBotox, which restore the elegance and also young people to the face. As we grow older, our face skin gets thinner as our collagen levels go down, the bone diminishes and also the muscular tissues atrophy. This all combines to cause an absence of quantity, which is what makes skin look saggy. Yet with a Non Surgical Facelift, it's feasible to restore every one of that shed volume, as well as develop a face structure that is high and full of younger contours.

Hifu Facial Skin Tightening Up.

We have years of experience with the item and continue to participate in instructional seminars as well as continuous training with leading doctors from both the UK as well as abroad in operation the item. The security of injectable therapies in human beings has actually been examined in clients in investigator-initiated professional research studies. this therapy has actually been found to be well tolerated without any significant damaging events reported. ight time routines are terrific for structure as well as fixing damage and loss of nutrients in the skin as our body begins to bring back as we sleep.

Neurosurgical Products Medical Devices Pipeline Assessment, 2020 Report - ResearchAndMarkets.com - Business Wire

Neurosurgical Products Medical Devices Pipeline Assessment, 2020 Report - ResearchAndMarkets.com.

Posted: Fri, 15 Jan 2021 11:14:00 GMT [source]

We put your safety at the heart of every little thing we do, and as the leading medical group, we are continuing to ensure our centers are the most safe environment possible. With an industry-leading safety and security charter as well as rigorous steps in place, you can visit us with self-confidence. With over 25 years of experience as well as over 2 million customers treated, you have accessibility to the very best in dermatology as well as skincare treatments. Drooping cheeks-- the light to moderate sagging of cheeks is caused by the ageing procedure however can be remedied by String lift treatment. The impacts of using poly-l-lactic cosmetic therapy is steady as well as exceptionally natural looking.

Prominent Portable Facelift Body Slim Hifu Equipment With 5 Heads( 1 5mm, 3.0 Mm, 4.5 Mm,8.0 Mm,13.0 Mm Heads).

It uses Micro Focused Ultrasound to trigger micro-wounds in the deep tissues of the skin, boosting the production of elastin and collagen. This laser therapy is best for those in their 20's and 30's wanting to improve the indicators of early aging. It is likewise superb for those in their 40's seeking to attain an all-natural, revitalized result.

The therapy is quickly, taking about 20 minutes as well as has no downtime or inflammation. Often known as a 'lunchtime facelift' this very controlled therapy which can not just deal with puffy eyes and dark circles however additionally plumps up your collagen and tightens your skin. In maintaining with the most up to date lawful laws, only specialist facilities with the essential certificate are currently allowed by regulation to carry out the string lift procedure. Fraxel laser can be utilized to deal with coloring or skin ageing; ablative lasers can be utilized as a more aggressive strategy to regrow the skin. Breakthroughs in biotechnology and laser tech have caused collagen shots; hyaluronic acid fillers; fat transfer therapies; Botox ®; plasma as well as growth aspects shots and also stem cell removes from fat.

An all-natural as well as fresh looking face is possible utilizing volumising poly-l-lactic collagen stimulator therapies at the London Aesthetic Center, Knightsbridge. A new technique of skin restoration and skin firm has actually taken its motivation from the humble crawler ´ s internet providing the name 'spider-web facelift'. learn about a hifu facelift milton keynes , unlike other raising surgical treatments, allows the client to return to every day life right after the treatment with minimal downtime. This treatment is risk-free to be carried out on virtually any kind of part of the body.

Her glowy skin, cheekbones as well as tight jawline were ample to make me call her skin medical professional and publication in. The current, skin-transforming treatments (plus a tried-and-tested old favourite) for skin-tightening, lifting as well as gleam increasing. Or, as one more buddy placed it, "the Valencia Instagram filter genuine life". Needle as well as knife-free, these therapies don't include anything right into the skin; they function much more naturally. The therapy is utilized to replace shed collagen as well as to fix shallow to deep facial creases and folds up. To get good results, it has to be infused by someone with an outstanding understanding of face makeup, the aging process and the mechanism of activity of the product. It is not an easy filler however in the right-hand men is incredibly effective and also secure alternative for several individuals.

A non-invasive, non-surgical therapy that uses ultrasound power to lift as well as tighten skin. If you wish to additional lift the face, Ultherapy is the gold standard of lifting and also tightening up.

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