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drchucktingle · 23 days

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Hello Dr Tingle! I wanted to ask you about that re: your post about how all your books are serious literature (hell yeah Love is real). How do you personally deal with the whole traditional publishing institution? It attracts a whole different level of coverage and it seems that they're very quick to try and box you and like turn you into a brand. Is it stiffling? Is it freeing? Does the attention help more people understand your trot? I don't know I've never been published but since you have experience in both traditional and self publishing I'm interested in knowing how that's feeling for you

well this is a pretty complex question with lots of different trots but i will try my best to answer. lets start with WHO I AM as buckaroo name of chuck

what i create has a very strong voice and my way is pretty recognizable. while buckaroos do not know what most authors look like, i REALLY stand out in a dang crowd with a big pink bag on my head. if you see 50 random author photos and mine is mixed in and then you ask 'which photo do you remember the most?' it is probably gonna be chuck. i also have a VERY UNIQUE STORY with what i create and my artistic sensibilities, not a lot of buds are out there making trans mothman erotica along with their big five traditional publishing bestsellers (SIDENOTE preorder BURY YOUR GAYS)

now if you were going to take 'CHUCK TINGLE' to a marketing department they would FALL OVER BACKWARDS IN THEIR DANG CHAIR with excitement. it is hard to think of an author with a stronger BRAND than i already have in the sense of 'instantly recognizable trot and specific unique style'. even in answering this you can tell that i dont even TALK like other dang authors.

what i am getting at is this: i am VERY VERY LUCKY because my existence just so happens to equate to what a company would see as GOOD BRANDING. it is not intentional on my part, it is just the hand of fate i guess. im out here expressing myself in a FULL ON WAY that is PRETTY DANG STRANGE TO SOME and it just so happens to work as mainstream branding too

on paper you might think 'what the heck no way chuck tingle will fly as a mainstream trot' but honestly the main thread of this timeline can be surprising sometimes. ive been saying the key ingredient for years and i will say it again: LOVE AND SINCERITY RESONATE. when you make art with this fuel, the timeline will feel it. when you stand up tall and shout with your whole chest THIS IS MY WAY AND I LOVE MYSELF. I AM THE WORLDS GREATEST AUTHOR TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, the timeline will listen

so all that said, i do not mind the idea of myself as 'brand' because i am not CHANGING myself to create this effect. what some might see as 'brand' i just see as another part of my art. i have always believed that art is THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE not just the painting but what is outside of the frame. WHO I AM is just as important as the books i write, and interacting with my way is a whole MULTIMEDIA experience that INCLUDES YOU TOO. it is the feeling when your friend shows you your first tingler cover, or the feeling when you realize that i am not playing a character. this is ALL a part of the tingleverse and it is all a part of my honest raw expression as a queer and neurodivergent buckaroo.

YOU ARE PART OF THIS ART TOO

it is my nature of have a PUNK ROCK trot. always has been. but to me that does not mean just angrily going against everything for the sake of going against everything. for me, this punk rock trot means fighting to EXPRESS MYSELF IN THE MOST HONEST AND PURE FORM POSSIBLE and to create the art that i want to make without any boundaries

somehow i have threaded the needle in this really interesting once-in-a-dang-lifetime kind of way. my pure punk rock self as an OUTERSIDER ARTIST just so happens to resonate with this larger system of brand and traditional publishing and popular culture. i COULD reject this, but rejecting it would be LESS HONEST.

this is just who i am. i LIKE pop culture. i LIKE joy. i LIKE dressing in all pink and wearing my custom suits. I LIKE PROVING LOVE IS REAL WHAT THE HECK ELSE EVEN IS THERE? i love being a queer outsider artist and using my small voice to shout at the big bad devils and i like that every time i shout a few more of you buckaroos join the chorus and together we are just getting louder and louder and louder and WHO KNOWS what comes next for us all trotting together.

when i post something like 'WHAT A GREAT DAY TO PROVE LOVE' it is not me sitting here in a bad mood thinkin 'well i gotta make todays post to keep up with my brand'. i am ACTUALLY FEELING THAT FEELING and i actually believe it with every fiber of my being. honestly, half the time i post about the beauty of this timeline i am probably over here literally crying tears of joy (chuck is an emotional bud i get riled over the joy of existence A LOT)

and heres the best part of this trot: because i really have this punk rock way it makes me very powerful. others can pretend not to care about success and brand and all that but I REALLY DO NO CARE. i would write tinglers whether buds were reading them or not, this is just my natural state, and that makes me incredibly strong. if some big corporation says 'YOU MUST DO THIS' and i dont want to do it i just say 'no thanks'. it is not some big debate about my career or anything like that because I REALLY DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST. i care about the art

because of this, my relationship with my GIANT TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING MACHINE is great. we trot like equals and we get along really well. i tell them exactly what i want to do and they let me do it. i really do not have to answer to anyone and they deserve a huge amount of credit for respecting me in this way.

and heres the thing, THEY ALSO HAVE SOME GREAT IDEAS

SPECIFICALLY my imprint of NIGHTFIRE is very dang cool. yes, they are the head of a giant hydra of a BIG FIVE PUBLISHER, but nightfire is SO DANG ART-FOCUSED

there is no right or wrong way to be an artist, and my path is not the only one, but i can tell you what WORKS FOR ME. this is the advice i would give myself, and buckaroos can take it or leave it

here it is: never beg the big book publisher, or record label, or movie studio to pay attention to you

do not let it become a lotto ticket in your brain. do not think that you are some weak little creature and maybe if you trot just right they will scoop you up and take care of you. do not go to their door begging to be let in

LET THEM COME TO YOUR DOOR

create something so incredible and beautiful and honest and powerful and unique and important that they would be foolish to miss out. create a community or a system or a timeline or a world of imagination that thrives on its own and THEY SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO BE A PART OF IT

then when you sit down at that board meeting it is not 'please brand me, ill do whatever you want'. instead, it is 'lets make a deal and see how much love we can prove together.'

now lets trot buckaroos

#buckaroo lifestyle #chuck tingle #tingleverse

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chevys-bitch-fest · 1 year

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Lesser known effects of Testosterone:

Just wanted to make a post for all my transmascs out there. I didn't have a great doctor when I started T, and I was very isolated from other queer people. For reference, Ive been on T injections for 9 months, on 25mg weekly (which is a low dose)

Most people know that your clit will grow while you're on T. I wanted to explain it in more depth because there's more to it than just that. Your clit can start growing as early as 2 months on T, and on average it'll grow 2-3 inches after 2 years of HRT. You will probably be able to get a mini erection. And for me personally, I found that the internal part of my clit would swell up when aroused. (Aka it might look like your lips are swolen, this is normal) Its also important to clean under the hood of your clit, because as time goes on it collects sweat/ toilet paper. Ive found the best method is to sit on the toilet, pull back the hood (or foreskin as I like to call it), and run a wet q tip over it. Be gentle because its sensitive af.

Your Vagina may be more dry than usual. If you experience pain durring penitrative sex, try using lube, or spending more time on foreplay. You can also use dialator dildos or take supplements. If pain persists, please talk to a doctor.

Your period probably wont just gracefully come to a stop (i know, I was disappointed too) you might think its gone, then 3 months later its back. I also had a light period that lasted for 3 weeks. As long as you're not experiencing profuse bleeding or extreme pain, its ok to just ride it out. It takes a minute for your body to get used to new hormones.

You're probably going to want to masturbate a lot. Its ok. No shame dude, T hits you hard on that front.

Your breasts will flatten out a bit. I went from a C to a B arround 6 months. Unfortunately they won't dissappear completely, but it sure as hell makes binding easier.

Ass crack hair. Imma just leave it at that.

Well, I hope this was helpful! Im really proud of all my transmascs out there. I know its scary sometimes, but yall are doing great. Also if anybody has trans questions or just wants to talk, my dms are always open! 💜

#trans #trans experience #ftm trans #transmasc #trans man #trans male #trans guy #transgender #transisbeautiful #trans is sexy #trans tips #ftm tips #queer #lgbt #testosterone

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chobani-flip · 15 days

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the problem with love interests for buck and eddie, why the fandom hates them all except tommy, and why buddie endgame would save the showrunners a lot of hassle A RAMBLING ESSAY

ok, so POINT ONE, let's be real, let's call spade a spade: a not insignificant part of that is ✨ (internalised) misogyny✨

you love these two characters, right? buck and eddie, and you love to see them interact and watch how the depths of their friendship deepen even further and you want to see a queer love story on screen because it would be so FUCKING cool, there can never ever be enough of those, and it's right there, it's within reach, WHY IS SOME WOMAN HERE TAKING UP VALUABLE BUDDIE/QUEER-POTENTIAL SCREENTIME

how do i know this? because ive experienced it, and i would bet a not insignificant portion of my worldly possessions that im not the only one

it's kinda fucked up, but i think if we breathe through it, engage rational thought and don't join a mob spewing vitriol in the actors' and showmakers' spaces about it, we can be kinda fucked up about it and learn how to manage it on tumblr and ao3

but that was just point one, what about the rest? or are we all simply crazed shippers who need to touch grass?

nope.

so why do we hate Buck and Eddie's love interests except for tommy?

TLDR:

whoever Eddie and Buck end up with MUST have at least one single good, deep-ish relationship with someone other than them from the 118, otherwise the narrative is overpeopled and overwhelming.

that's why Tommy works and Taylor, Ana, Natalia, Marisol etc don't

there won't be an endgame relationship for either Buck and Eddie before the show starts wrapping up

edit, after getting lost in the tags and seeing how truly unhinged parts of the fandom have become/always been: ok, part of the reason the fandom hated those women definitely was the fact yall need a kick up the butt about the fact that you treat shipping as though it's an office people are sworn into and the fandom's job is to monitor it and police it by mobbing wtf is wrong with you (those of you who are doing it?)

anyway, read more of my long-ass theory below 🤣

well, point two is the nature of the show and the structure of the episodes

it's an ensemble, feel-good-with-spectacles show that for narrative coherence relies on tying the calls the ensemble responds to to some sort of an event that is relevant to one of the character's personal life

that's a lot to ask of 45 minutes, so it's lucky that the main characters (bobby, athena, buck, chimney, hen, maddie, eddie) are paired up for these personal narratives and lessons: bobby+athena, bobby+buck, bobby+eddie, hen+karen, hen+chim, chim+maddie, maddie+buck, buck+eddie

just look at it. it is A LOT of stories, right?

and since family life, building a family, making a family, staying a family is the name of the game in this show, it's lucky that bobby and athena, chimney and maddie, hen and karen are established as their own little family units with romantic relationships and can go through all these things together

but what about eddie and buck? well, they're their own unit, along with christopher. they're great together and it's satisfying to watch them on screen together, so we want more of it. and...

and look, the fact is that most of the narratives we see in general are amatonormative. we are conditioned to look for romantic love in every story we watch. that's not necessarily wrong or bad. it's just the way we are as a society.

because 118 is a found family that's formed of traditional family units (by which i mean amatonormative) the firehouse family is the larger overarching structure, the foundation on which the romantic relationships are built, the pin that holds all the strings together.

buck and eddie are the only ones with loose romantic strings.

when we see two romantically unattached characters on screen, attaching them becomes the goal. getting them a proper love interest gives you narrative tension and something to work towards and build a story around.

the problem is that 911 already has a shitton of characters. and to write a love story that would be satisfying and on par with what Bobby has with Athena, Hen with Karen and Maddie with Chimney, you need to give both parts of the couple time on screen, together and separately. the separately is veeery important.

we love these couples because we've watched them grow and we've seen them fail and we've got to know them.

now tell me, WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GET THAT AMOUNT OF SCREENTIME FOR TWO NEW WHOLE CHARACTERS?? in 45 minutes where at least 3 things are happening to the main cast at once and also there's explosions and car crashes and DJs glued to billboards?

WHERE?

well, you can introduce a new character through another storyline Buck and Eddie experience in episode. like Ana and the skateboard and Ali with the earthquake and Natalia with the living funeral and Marisol with the hardware store.

now, let me make something clear: there is NOTHING wrong with any of these characters. stg the way some of the fandom goes on about them you'd think these women are the satan. they could have worked in relationships with Buck and Eddie. IF they had been given the opportunity to become involved with the firehouse family in any way.

it's just not enough to have Ana watch over Eddie in hospital or sit on the couch with him and Chris, or play charades. that simply doesn't cut it.

Karen and Hen work because they are married and have a child together and have been from the start, even before we knew just how friendly Chim and Karen are. HenRen came as a unit, and Karen has been around long enough and given enough time throughout the entire show that we accept her as part of the firehouse family, even though she doesn't interact with the 118 other than Hen very often.

so if you want a longer term believable relationship that the audience can become attached to, what do you do?

well, you can give Ana a storyline with Athena and Hen, maybe there's an emergency at the school (no, bringing muffins during a blackout and eating them off screen just aint it chief). you can have Natalia call 911 and Maddie picks up, and Natalia gets another perspective on death that has less of a Ask-a-Mortician vibe and more terrible sudden tragedy.

so why not do that? the writers aren't idiots. I don't subscribe to the belief that they are utter geniuses and can do no wrong either (there has been stuff that was A CHOICE), but they know what they're doing.

idk if they didn't commit to the previously mentioned relationships because of stuff with budgets and actor availabilities and all that stuff that goes into a tv show production.

or if becuase when you leave your two unattached strings dangling, you have more stories to tell than if you leave only one.

THE PROBLEM OF TK (not from Lone Star)

well, you can also introduce a love interest another way.

you reach into the past and select a character your audience has already met. enter...

Taylor Kelly. ha, did you think I was gonna say Tommy Kinard? well, this does apply to Tommy too.

Taylor left an impression in Dosed, didn't she? there was chemistry between her and Buck, her job brought her naturally in contact with the firehouse calls, so why not bring her back as Buck's love interest?

why did so many of us hate her so much? why didn't she work?

it wasn't just that she took up buck-eddie-together screentime

I believe it's because even though Taylor's willingness to exploit Bobby's personal tragedy was (under a certain lens) presented as a girlboss move ("you don't have to like it"), it's an utterly despicable thing to do and besides "i tell other people's stories for a living because i hate telling my own" the show never (as far as i remember) gave her a moment when she could show she regretted her lack of compassion.

it wouldn't have taken much. just one single moment with Bobby (maybe even separately from Bobby), where she in some way shows that she knows that with great news-power comes great responsibility and she regrets the harm she did or could have caused not only to Bobby.

look at Tommy, he was a dickhead when we first met him. to Hen, to Chim, but we got that one reconciliation scene with Chimney and then a couple of short scenes interacting with the firehouse in a friendly way and we ADORE HIM.

and it's not just because Lou Ferrigno Jr. is hot and we like to see hot boys kissing other hot boys, though that does certainly contribute.

and it's not just because through Tommy, we get the possibility of a buddie endgame: although that also does contribute

it's because Tommy through those snippets in Chimney Begins, Hen Begins, Bobby Begins Again is already tied into the foundation of 118. Even without the occasional mentions through the rest of the show, even without the helicopter ride and the mouth static.

he's established, he's in good standing with the Family, he doesn't require massive amounts of screentime and storytime to make him so.

ADDITIONALLY, through a relationship with him we get to see Buck, the main character, explore who he is and evolve and come into his own.

I actually firmly believe that BuckTommy could be endgame and it would be a satisfying ending.

If it wasn't for Eddie flailing around talking about repression and catholic guilt.

Because we see how unhappy Eddie is, we seek to have him be comforted by his partner, the one other unattached romantic string, Buck. that's the only thing that makes sense. AT THE MOMENT.

unless they give us some serious Marisol experiences with the firehouse on screen, there is no way the Eddie and Marisol thing will be satisfying or long-lasting. no matter what bra the actress wears in which scene and how great the character allegedly is with christopher.

unless they give us another new character for Eddie to fall in love with that forms a bond with the firehouse.

srsly, without other good connection(s) to the firehouse family, any romantic interest for Buck and Eddie just doesn't feel like they belong because they are hanging onto the plot by just one string (to continue the metaphor), and they feel extraneous, redundant and don't mesh. we haven't had time with them, we're not invested in them, which makes them frustrating to watch because why are we here with this rando when buck/eddie in their place would be so much more satisfying?

(i believe lucy could have worked if they had given her more time and importance in the story, and didn't start her out with the cheating plotline. but i don't think she was ever srsly considered a love interest more of a complication to the buck/taylor stuff)

so why do I think Buddie can be an endgame only if the show's wrapping up?

because I don't think the writers will want to abandon the loose romantic strings for Buck and Eddie before the last season.

they won't want to miss out on the potential storylines

and even though if you get Buck and Eddie together romantically, you're going to get A LOT of story out of that, eventually, all water finds its level and so you can't have them on a relationship roller-coaster for too long before it becomes unsettling and unsatisfying.

Buck and Eddie would be excellent together not only because of the deep bond they already share, but because it lets the writers tie up loose ends without needing extra screentime for other characters. and once you put them together, you really don't want to break them apart. unless you want a how-i-met-your-mother shit ending.

so. that's it. that's my big spec and meta. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#buddie #bucktommy #9-1-1 #911 abc #911 speculation #911 theories

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your-queer-dad · 1 month

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Hey Queer dad, I only just found this blog, but I'm writing you anyway, I Don't want to be anonymous, I want my name attached to my story I fear that I'm probably going to explain myself poorly but here goes anyway I am going to be 24 years old this May, I've been on E since 10 - 2020 Ive had to move out to live with my boyfriend of 3 years and it feels like I've all but abandoned my dreams of going through college as an engineer, things were hard to keep up with when covid struck and now I'm a trans-woman living in Georgia USA, I understand that its not as good as my home-state of New York on trans issues, but I have my BF and his Family who are supportive... I'm SCARED as of late sure I live in a fairly chill part of the state, but i'm SCARED like big time, its making my mental health journey harder, and I'm finding a lot of VERY bad thoughts creeping in, mostly about my appearance and all that, I don't look all that fem when i have trouble taking care of my day-to-day hygiene,

My dad is ""Supportive"" as far as accepting the fact that I'm his daughter now, but he and most of my extended family still doesn't use my pronouns or chosen name. My mom, well she left this world, and me alone in it, sure she was never the best to me, but she would have been the one person to support me. When she left I promised myself and her that I would take the little support I spit on and ground into the dirt as a teenager and actually be true to myself.

I know that at this point I am rambling, but I want to put meaning and journey behind my words THANK YOU, for being here for us. THANK YOU for providing a space for us to ask questions, and get parental style advice when we have no-one else and I ask of you this, how does one find community in this world when one struggles to navigate the fear she feels from the world around her?

Hi!! Thank you so much for reaching out. Honestly, it sounds like you've had such a rough time and I am really proud of you. Thank you for sharing your story, I appreciate it, and I'll do my best to help out.

Personal story time: I myself was (and still am sometimes) in a very similar situation myself. And it is scary, it's really isolating to see so much hate from others just for being yourself, and it makes you want to withdraw and hide. And I hid, for so long- it's really hard to show your true self in a world so full of hate and fear.

But I did, slowly, step by step. A little bit every day. Us humans, we're not supposed to be on our own. We're pack animals, like wolves or lions, we thrive off other people's company (some more than others). With mental health, when all you want to do is hide and let the world forget that you exist, what helps you the most is finding others who feel like it and can help.

Easier said than done right?

I'm still working on it, and there's never going to be a stage where you're perfect at it- but every day, just actively trying to engage with others around you, I found helped me. Not running away when people offer help, speaking to new people, finding my local queer community- just actively being aware of my surroundings and gently pushing myself to talk to new people.

The worlds a lot less scary when you have an army of support behind you.

It takes time, and energy. It's hard. And definitely baby steps, small steps. But there are so many good people out there, who will love you and accept you and value you, you just have to find them.

I'm really proud of you, I'm always here if you need someone to talk to and feel free to reach out anytime. Everything will be okay.

- dad x

#ask a finch!#what a lovely ask #lgbt #finch rambles #lgbtq #lgbtqia #trans #transgender #queer positivity #trans joy

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pseudonymphomania · 11 months

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This is the first time I've made something for my own MC. "Dear Love" refers to my IRL partner, whom I pretend to write to about my adventures in the Devildom.

I play the game as everyone's platonic friend. I am asexual and enjoy Queer Platonic Relationships for myself. I also play matchmaker in my own Devildom universe.

My attributes: average height. Black hair styled with a medium hold matte pomade. Brown eyes. Beauty mark under my nose. Dimple on one side of my face.

Clothing: Prefer formal wear over casual. Suspenders over belts. Monochromatic colours or loud ostentatious patterns, no in-between. Comfy dress shoes in black or brown but open to other colours to match outfits; I'm wearing leather monkstrap shoes in the picture. Metal accents like tie clips are crucial. Got laser eye surgery but sometimes wears fake glasses to feel something on my face. Satchel contains good pens, quality paper, and workstation. Fitbit on my wrist to count every step I take to solve the problems of the day.

Personality: wry and dry humour. Workaholic. Lifelong learner. The Parent Friend. Always happy to help. Frontline tendencies.

Skills: technical writing, sewing and clothing construction, trades and mechanics, hair cutting, musician (piano and guitar), singer and actor (theatre), novelist, artist

Likes: obtaining new skills and making new friends. Justice. Equity.

Dislikes: misunderstandings, situations that could have been handled effectively but weren't. Unclear communication.

Occupation before I got Isekai'd: Director of Operations

Character I relate to the most: Lucifer

Character I would date if I was inclined: Diavolo, because he reminds me of my actual partner.

The reason I ship DiaLuci so hard: I love my partner the most and this is a mirror to that, right down to situations and actual conversations we have had in real life. The narrative potential. Other reasons.

My MC and OM Characters in my Devildom:

Lucifer: would smugly tell me that I've used a comma splice and I'd tell him to "shove a semi-colon in it". He's my bestest friend in the entire Devildom. We go to cafes and bookstores and go shopping for office supplies. I tell him to stop working so hard and he stares at me like "You're the one telling me this? The audacity." I needle him about his crush and he tells me to fuck off but his face is red.

Mammon: my other bestie but in a wildly different way. He brings out the shit-disturber in me. We play billiards together and play for treats. I disapprove of his gambling but am all-in on the shopping. He takes me out to all the best food places. "Try this, Beckett, you'll really love it." Meanwhile it's some sort of Devildom Atrocity, but somehow it's still good.

Levi: my nerd friend. I bring him offerings and leave them outside his door. We play games often with Mammon and I kick their butts at fighting games, but get wrecked when I have to make choices. We stay up hellishly late and I wake up with chocolate on my face. "Lets do this again: ive got the hottest new dating sim to try!" We are both groggy and destroyed and i have to go to work, but I agree to come back tonight.

Asmo: my favourite boy toy. He's stylish as hell and knows what looks good on anybody. Hes my personal stylist. I cut his hair in exchange. Just like with Mammon I go shopping with Asmo, except he knows all the good places for clothing and knows where all the thrift stores are. "It doesnt have to be new and expensive to look good honey!" I agree. I cuddle with Asmo the most because he loves touch.

Satan: my boy thirsts for knowledge and I do too. We skill-trade and fan over cats. Unfortunately I'm very allergic, but I appreciate them from afar and draw cats for him to hang in his book-filled room. "Do you want to come to the cat Cafe with me?" Oh Satan. He's his father's son alright, but he's just as much of a shit disturber as Mammon. He teaches me fun curses to use on people but I'm content with just knowing it.

Beel: when I'm tired Beel carries me back home and talks about the science behind calories and energy retention in relation to demonic body types. He enjoys cooking and I love testing recipes on him, but I have to swat him away from eating it before it's done. We do exercises together and buff up together. "I can almost see your six pack, haha".

Belphie: he's my sleepy boy. He can be irrational sometimes but I put a blanket over his head to shake him out of it and he snuggles closer. I play him songs on piano and guitar and sing him to sleep, but then I also end up quite sleepy. He's like a son to me and I lecture him often. I try to keep him and Satan from screwing with Lucifer too much. I'm a double agent in the anti Lucifer league lol

Diavolo: i enjoy it when he regales me with Devildom laws, traditions and customs. He speaks of how the executive branch and legislative branch operates in the context of his kingdom and I suggest to strengthen certain areas of his constitution to bring his vision of equity and interrealm relations to the forefront. I am also a shit disturber and needle him about his crush. "You are asking beyond your means, Beckett. Forgive me if I don't answer." Hm... yes, of course. Sorry.

Barbatos: I learn how to be the most efficient I can be from someone who is the most efficient. He is skilled in everything and I must learn from the best. I'm his best student and I'm a teachers pet so i love to hear it. He's been and seen everything and he is an excellent linguist. He is poetry personified in the every day. "Don't let Solomon ruin you too much." I won't!

Solomon: I use my knowledge of mechanics and trades and recontextualise it to be an artificier and create magical items. He is also one to bring out the shit disturber in me and I have almost become Thirteen just from the incidentally nonsense stuff I make. "Oh that's an interesting effect. I wonder what will happen if I give this to Barbatos". Solomon, dude. Do you want to get murdered. Is that what you're into.

Simeon: he is my sweetest and chillest boy. My bestie to talk about justice and relationality with. When I'm insecure and feel like people don't like me as much as they do, he reassures me and tells me stories of his own relationships. "There is nothing wrong with stepping back. Once you've regained your sense of self, you'll be able to pursue the path of friendship again and people will be ready to receive you."

Luke: he is like my son. I make sure he doesn't get nightmares because he seems to have a hard time acclimating to his demonic environment. He teaches me how to bake so that I can make some cakes that look like real inanimate objects and eat them in front of people, to their shock.

Mephisto: I am like Lucifer 2.0. He doesn't really like me but I have no hard feelings toward him.

Thirteen: my Bae. She's a delight but I have to make sure her shenanigans don't cause too much damage in the area or accidentally kill me. I would date her after Diavolo if I was inclined to do that.

I hope you enjoyed seeing my experience and interpretation of the game from my point of view. Everyone's MC journey is very personal to them and I do not believe there is a wrong way to enjoy the game. Thank you for reading. :)

#obey me dialuci #dialuci #obey me male mc #obey me main character #obey me shall we date #otome asexual #Obey me asexual player

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queer-muslim-culture-is · 8 months

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hi there! not a ‘culture is’ ask, rather- a question if that’s ok? firstly- i really, really want to thank you for running this blog. before this i literally thought i was the only queer muslim, or at least the only genderfluid one, and i’d felt so isolated and wrong and ashamed, but now i feel so much better about being queer and muslim. thank you…… <3

quick question for you and anyone who reads this blog- y’all, how do i find other queer muslims, online and in real life? in real life most muslims ik or have met are so queerphobic i’m honestly not sure how to root out anyone who is queer or even accepting. in other countries (i live in an African country, kinda in the middle of nowhere lol), ones that are more well-known perhaps, how did any of you meet any other queer Muslims?

also… online. there’s so many queer Muslims online and i’d love to get to know some of you, be friends or just to hear about others experiences and lives. but i literally don’t know how to find y’all, ahh😭😭

hi anon ! im so glad you found us <3 queer muslims have existed since the dawn of islam and will *continue* to exist. youre not the only one, never have been and never will be :]

as for finding other online queer muslims : i usually just go scroll through the queer muslim tag ! see who posts or even just likes / rbs the content there

maybe some of my followers are also looking for friends ?

**** if anyones interested, leave a reply or a note in a rb ! ****

as for IRL queer muslims well,, tbqh im not sure. personally i got sorta lucky. i grew up in africa as well and my two closest friends at the time both came out to me as bi before i started questioning my sexuality. beyond that, there were two cishet guys who,, didnt always say the right things and i dont think they wouldve understood my gender but they *did* hype me up when i told them i was gay and they told me they knew others like me. i also have an aunt and uncle who, although ive yet to speak to them about this, liked the facebook page for my countrys queer rights activism group (which i was pleasantly surprised existed), so im *reasonably* sure theyre chill

to try and extract some advice from my experience :

check their online presence if you can. do they follow or interact with queer or queer friendly accounts ?

discussing or bringing up queer media and celebrities is always a good way to gauge ppls opinions on the matter. you can be as subtle or as direct w this as you want, but tread carefully cause ppl can get real heated

>> my bi friend recommended me a queer manga before she came out, whilst a homophobic ex friend started ranting abt a video game trailer bc it had a gay couple in it

**** if anyone reading this has more tips, please leave them in the notes ! ****

#hopefully this is at least a bit helpful ^^#oh also my friend joined the local model un and apparently that was a queer hotspot but i dont think that ones universal :p #not queer muslim culture #blog appreciation

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abodyfarm · 3 months

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i dont know if you wanted a genuine answer to the what the fuck do we do question but i wanted to respond bc you brought up some good points

protesting and mutual aid hasnt overthrown the government yes but theyre something we should keep doing, keep doing better and keep doing more of. building community support is so important if/when things go completely to shit. a support system when the government is either actively hostile towards the people or indifferent to people’s needs is essential. the gov is hostile to certain people already (homeless people, poc, indigenous people, queer folks etc) and these things help even when they dont seem like theyre doing much! theyre keeping people alive one more day and that is an accomplishment in a society that wants to extinguish people

you said you cant really do anything while being 16 but thats not true at all. institutions want everyone particularly children teens and other oppressed people to feel powerless and be helpless so they can keep doing what theyre doing but now is the time to learn skills, learn anything that can help you down the road — survival skills, gardening, medical skills like first aid, self defense, how to protest, community building skills. get other people your age involved if they want and invite ur friends to learn and do things that point the world in a direction you’d like. learn your community and local outdoor environment, they can teach you a ton about your surroundings. making connections is very crucial bc it breaks down the illusion of each person as an island separate from everyone else.

is there any local group, club, event or workshop you can become a part of? join that! tbh what ive found out is that revolution isnt always tearing things down. sometimes its planting a garden. sometimes its giving your hungry friends food. sometimes its sitting at the library and reading. sometimes its protesting inside capital buildings, sometimes its marching, sometimes its riots. its always about looking out for each other and thats something anyone can start doing!

i didnt expect to open my inbox to something actually like helpful lol tysm for writing all this :) i kinda just wrote all those tags cuz ive been in a weird frustrated mood today and just lately in general over everything ive been seeing in/realizing about the world and sometimes i feel like people seem to brush this kind of work aside as something that cant help to make the world a better place (mutual aid, protesting, helping ur local community etc) and it kinda frustrates me cuz trying to do much more than that with the currest state of the world isnt really all that attainable/sustainable yk what i mean ?

the things you brought up here were things i kinda already had in mind that people need to start appreciating more (especially in online leftist spaces, at least from what ive seen of them) and i was moreso criticizing the lack of insight(?) - and in a way, empathy - that people seem to have with those who arent able to really take direct action for things they believe in/want to change for the better, if that makes any sense

also sadly no i kinda live in a secluded area from like nearby cities/public spaces (aside from my school of course lol) that would host those kinds of things and i kinda get the feeling that my Very Centrist Parents wouldnt rlly like me getting into that sort of thing lol (or having to provide transportation for me to Get to those places physically)

but (this is the part where i break the forth wall and talk to The Followers) i do recommend and encourage this sort of thing to anyone in a similar situation where they feel like they have no agency to help or contribute to causes they believe in :) YOU CAN CREATE CHANGE!! it is possible for things to get better!

#sorry if i sound like an asshole at any point during this i kinda only realized towards the end that i was writing an essay lmao #but !!!!!! this person made a lot of great points and i recommend all of these things to other young leftists out there #and stuff like that #tills ask box

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jrwi-most-nd · 5 months

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Round 2 Poll:

Pictures and propaganda are under the cut!

William Wisp (Prime Defenders)

(Submitted for Autism, ADHD, Anxiety, Cotard's Syndrome, AVPD, PTSD, OCD, Schizophrenia, Delusional Disorder, OSDD-1b/Plurality, and BPD)

Look at him and tell me he doesn’t have massive anxiety ~ Anxiety

I mean his whole thing is that he is literally dead and alive at the same time. One of the first things introduced about him is how quickly he can make himself go invisible/seem like he doesn’t exist. The autism is just because he’s silly :3 ~ Autism and Cotard’s Syndrome

Just like. Look into his eyes and you'll know. But also don't he's autistic how dare you ~ Autism and Anxiety

- Deep-rooted low self esteem. He’s always felt weird and different, sees himself as inherently wrong, a fuck up and a disappointment. He struggles to even see himself as a person, especially when he was dead. He puts his friends on a pedestal (especially Dakota) and sees himself as someone way beneath them. - Relatively okay with maintaining some surface level relationships but struggles with expressing his deeper feelings or talking about his past. Always vague and incredibly apologetic, quick to brush past it whenever it comes up. - Very self-conscious and ashamed of his powers, especially early on. He asks people to look away when he goes into spirit form, and only does it in extreme circumstances. Only comfortable when he’s in the purple morph suit, where he feels like he can be seen as a different person. - When Dakota gives him his heart he immediately feels like he has to dedicate his whole life to making it up to him (literally gets a new complication bc of that). Feels undeserving of kindness or help from others. - Quick to give up when he isn’t absolutely certain of an outcome. Extreme reluctance to take risks, (avoiding using his powers because he doesn’t trust himself to control them, running and hiding during fights) ~ AVPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder)

Well its been a while since i spedrun pd but what ive picked up is; They wear alot of layers which could be a texture thing or an unbalance to coldness and warmness and that bitch is definitely queer which is more common for autistic/adhd folks since they tend to be less reliant on social norms and thus more open about their sexuality and gender! Another think is in both the designs his hair only goes does to his neck i have autism and my hair HAS to be a specific length or like texture issues and shit and i know in the one shot between season 1 and 2 his hair is different but i refuse to believe that >:( anyway thats all i picked up i probably can think of alot more but these were a few off the top of my head! (i cant find much for the delusional disorder since its only small details but let me hc jeeze >:() ~ Autism, ADHD, Schizophrenia, and Delusional Disorder

theres one specific monologue that makes me claw at the fences but i cant find it right now. Just know its true because i know everything and i said so ~ OSDD-1b

Rolan Deep (Blood in the Bayou)

(Submitted for PTSD, OCD, Tic disorder and generally neurodivergent)

I’ve only listened to the first episode of BITB but GOODNESS the neurodivergentness this man radiates is ASTOUNDING. he totally has flashbacks to the bodies in the bayou incident or whatever and the fact it got so bad he moved TO THE OTHER END OF THE COUNTRY says a lot. also I love him. ~ Neurodivergent

#jrwi #jrwi bracket #jrwi most nd #jrwi most neurodivergent #just roll with it bracket #jrwi nd swag #just roll with it #jrwi prime defenders #jrwi bitb #rolan deep #william wisp

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hexitca · 4 months

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Rant about Puritan fandom culture!

Well I typed it on twitter but then I had more to say so tumblr it is!

Under read more

WARNING: Long as fuck

Here's some pics

I know I basically said the author of Heartstopper "brought it on themselves" but yea they kinda did.

You can disagree with BL/Yaoi you can hate the shipping discourse or shipping in fandom in general but you cant frame it in a "i hate [that] bc it's sinful/fetishistic and I'M ABOVE THAT BC I'M WHOLESOME AND BETTER THAN THOSE DISGUSTING SHIPPERS"

bc that's gonna bite you in the ass...as it is doing now. The fucking image of their character's google history is so tame and normal, esp in LGBTQ+ spaces! Yet they are being called a pedo? Crazy. In the end, you only hurt yourself!

I never bothered with HS bc i just wasnt interested in it but thats just my preference. It's sad to see ppl, esp young ppl, turn on a series of LGBTQ+ representation just bc of the author's past (or current? idk) stance on the BL/Yaoi or MLM or whatever genre just bc their stance wavered a bit in a simple comic image. Something that is so fucking normal also! but they will grow up and realized how limiting it is to restrict themselves just to appear pure within a group.

Yet the artists/writers/creators are traumatized by the witchhunt. I know I said the author brought it on themselves for supporting anti but damn I don't want them being accused of being a pedo! Or ANYTHING! NO ONE DESERVES THAT. I dont know anything about the author other than surface knowledge but at the end of the day, all this online shit, doesnt matter. It doesnt! Me saying that is ironic bc im typing this post up right now!

but it's something we care about! I care about fandom spaces, I care that creators are getting attack for something as mild as this even if they invited these ppl into their circle. We're human and we change our views a million times a fucking day. I could agree with one thing and disagree with it another. That's why anti discourse pisses me the hell off! It's just a bunch of bullies looking to make themselves feel better by shaming others! I don't respect that type of behavior. And I hate that they just run around saying shit like "kys" over a two characters fucking?!? It amazes me beyond words.

Fandom has never been without its discourse. But the puritan bullshit is not even fandom discourse, it's just straight up bullying and harassment. It doesnt take much to tailor your fandom spaces to your preferences, i should know ive been in fandom spaces since I was fucking 13 years old. I didn't explore nsfw/porn/anything until I wanted to when I was 18. That is MY personal experience. I never put that on anyone else BUT MYSELF. If I saw nsfw and didnt want to see it I blocked the person. Not make a fucking witch hunt out of it. You are in charge of keeping YOURSELF in check not some person who shared nsfw art/fanfic. How fucking hard is it to turn the "don't show me nsfw" toggle on??? Bc it's not about that. Y'all just wanna be mad and be above someone so why not ppl minding their own business.

And guess what? There ARE ppl who are bad and support nsfw art/writing. They fucking suck. They are outliers and deserve to be called out when they get exposed. But many times, ppl always go "see i told you all the ppl in THAT fandom were pedos/freaks/etc" hmmm sounds like when conservatives go "see...that queer person turned out to be bad, SO all queer ppl are bad" DO YOU GET IT?? It never works out with that line of thinking. You are harming innocent ppl minding their own business. You are harming yourselves when you grow the fuck up and realize that "OH actually...I am curious about sex" and have ppl who you thought were your friends eat your face. PLS wake the fuck up.

If you're an anti:

I hope you recover from that

go fuck yourself

if you're offended by me saying "go fuck yourself", pls take that as a sign to log off the internet and go touch grass. As someone who has done that many of times, it's very refreshing.

#fandom #fandom culture #fandom discourse #purity culture #i might go touch some grass for the rest of the week/weekend holy shit #this is why i try not to be on twitter a lot bc tumblr im at least in my own spaces with minor breaches of stupidity #twitter it just throws it in on my tl and i get fucking triggered and angry #ill be taking a long break from twitter holy shit

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theiloveyousong · 5 months

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hi hi hi omg ok abt the chanukkah gift writing thing. how abt. barnroe going on a teeny tiny date in miss retro's diner after they've only been publicly dating for a little while. that would be super cool /nf

HI okay ive FINALLY finished this im so sorry i just had NO motivation :[[[ i think its decent though !

Linda slides into the booth of Miss Retro’s with a huff, smooths out her skirt, looks at Becky so crossly she can’t help but grin. “This place is an absolute dump, Barnes. What are we going to order, chlamydia and fries?” She wrinkles her nose. Becky pats her on the hand gently and slides into the other side of the booth. Linda’s picking at her cuticles, nervousness visible past the disaffected sneer.

Becky flicks her palm gently, and Linda glances up with doe-wide eyes. “Hey, Lin. You don’t have to worry, kay? This is like Hatchetfield’s queer community center. We’re fine.” Linda’s face relaxes a bit, and she falls into the booth, sighing thinly. Becky pulls out a menu from the holder, spreads it across the table. “Now, they don’t offer any STDs, but I would like a milkshake.” Linda grins tentatively.

The diner’s bustling, teenagers packed into booths too small for their group and old couples having lunch together for the thousandth time. Linda glances around a bit, spots a girl with wavy blond hair and a silvery dress, and her face immediately crumples into a glare. Becky looks at her looking at the girl, and smiles. “Family rivalry? You two look super similar.”

Linda huffs. “Yes, actually. She’s my niece and the absolute worst person I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting.”

Becky pouts. “Aww, I thought I was the worst person you had ever met? You used to tell me that all the time, babe.”

Linda’s face flushes. “Yes- Well- Times have changed, and I have now deigned to grace you with my presence. You should be grateful, Becky!” She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “Anyway, Brooke is-”

Becky bursts out laughing. “Brooke? Really? Didn’t know the nautical theme ran that deep!”

Linda frowns. “Yes. It’s the boats, we do a lot of boating. She’s the epitome of what’s wrong with teenagers today, always on her phone and no respect for her friends and-” Linda leans in dramatically. “I heard from Spankoffski’s kid that she set fire to the bathroom during homecoming this year.”

Becky smiles. “So we’re gossiping now? Didn’t take you to become a yente at the ripe old age of thirty-seven.”

Linda’s ears turn bright red. “Shut up! Shut up, shut up! I will not become an old lady who gossips at synagogue about people’s appearances. Whether someone has gotten another nose job or not is none of their business!”

Becky places her hands over Linda’s. “And this is definitely not from experience, right, Lin?”

Linda crosses her arms and harrumphs. “You know I’ll say anything you want me to, Barnes.” She sighs, looks at the menu. “Oh, greasy bad food, how I did not miss you. Oh, inevitable breakout, how I do not want you.”

Becky plucks it from her hands. “Nuh-uh! I’m picking for you. Consider it a gift!” Linda scrunches up her face. The teenage waitress saunters over to the table, tugging at her choppy hair and looking extremely bored. Becky frowns. “Where’s Miss Holloway? She’s normally working here on Saturdays…”

The waitress grimaces. “Yeah, well, Holloway’s not here, so you’re gonna hafta take it or leave it, hon. I dunno why either, just got a call to come into work, so. Yeah. Whaddaya want?” Becky pulls out a tiny notebook, scribbles something in it, and shows it to the waitress, who hides her smile with the order pad.

Linda narrows her eyes. “What is it. What is it? Becky, are you not going to tell me?” Becky smiles, but says nothing. Linda slams her head down on the table.

“Comin’ right up, miss! We’ll get that right quick,” says the waitress, scurrying over to a table with ten teenagers crammed in. She shows them the order and one of them shrieks. Linda sighs.

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blonde-tori-spring555 · 1 month

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sexuality advice

something that helped me was trying not to define my attraction. at first, what that looked like it just saying, “okay. im bi.” as if i had always been bi. then i started looking at my attraction as if i had always been bi. if i had always been bi, would i have said i had a crush on this girl? if bring bi was the norm, would i think i were attracted to her?

later down the road, it was saying i was unlabelled. it took me a while to get there because i spent so much time thinking about my sexuality, but when i did it was extremely freeing. i could just say that i liked everyone in a different way and not worry about gender.

so i guess what im saying here, is try out the aueer labels. maybe not to your friends, maybe just to yourself, but try them out and see if they make sense. after all, youve been trying out straight for a long time.

also, stupid thing but something that helped me A LOT: make a self insert character. what is your immediate impulse to give them for sexuality?

you can say youre straight and like women. you can say youre bi and mainly be attracted to men. you can say youre queer and not put a label on it. you could look for microlabels that fit. but realistically, its up to you to decide what you want to call it.

and, just for the record? straight people usually don’t question that much. not saying you are bi, but your feelings are valid.

sorry if this was too much but this is what helped me, i dont know if it will help you personally

if you want to talk more about it though im always here <333

tysm x

the bs thing is i was kinda hinting to my mum like we were talking about heartstopper (she knows i like the show and books and STRAIGHT PEOPLE CAN LIKE IT, thats what heartstopper is about, being inclusive) anyway my mum isnt homophobic she just doesnt rlly get it anyway she says like "people cant know what they rlly r until theyre like 18+" so i ranted to her about how anyone could change at anytime and my lil hint was "im straight now but in a few years time i might realise im bi" and that shut her up

but i might give this a go, it just scared me idk why, like its not like i look at girls a go, ooo i would date her, but i look at boys like, oo i would date him, so i think if lets say i am bi, i would def be more attracted to men, but like sometime my stupid little brain says 'ur just saying it because its 'easier" or 'u dont mean it, ur just saying it for attention' like i just hate it, like ive not rlly had a 'awakening' but like sometimes bi sounds right while other times straight does

but i might do what u say and try our 'being bi' for a bit and see how i feel

it sounds weird but i feel like i need to have this awakening and like i need to see a girl and think ooo i have a crush, like i do with boys

idk its weird

and ik what u mean by straight people dont question it that much, and ik what ur saying because that fact scares me to mf shits, but tbh i only think about it when that area of things r brought into my head yk?

anyway sorry for ranting

#lgbtq #bisexual #straight #confused #idk #god not me abt to cry #haha

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aemiron-main · 1 year

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gay mike and biphobia and analysis

ok one more post abt recent events and this one Is more focused on analysis: ive gone out of my way repeatedly to explain why my takes about gay mike arent biphobic/highlight specific distinctions of where certain gay mike arguments could get into biphobia & how i’m avoiding that even before i was accused of it because i didnt want to perpetuate biphobia the same way that some people perpetuate casual homophobia and i don’t WANT people to approach gay mike analysis from a biphobic viewpoint which is why i’m such a stickler about it. because imo the biphobic viewpoints, just like the homophobic ones, are both morally and textually invalid and so don’t even serve a purpose analytically. like when i talk about how it would be 'bad' for mike to have been in love with/attracted to el and then fallen out of love with her i have painstakingly and repeatedly said that its not that it would make mike morally bad and it happens with bi people and all sorts of people all the time and mike would not be morally bad for it but it WOULD imo be narratively 'bad' because it conflicts with el's feelings of feeling unlovable & makes an amicable milkvan breakup/conclusion much more difficult (which imo is what the duffers are going for with a happy ending esp since theyve made will and el adopted siblings and dont want them to feel pitted against eachother permanently/inferior to the other permanently). it’s not that it would make mike a bad person- it’s that imo it doesnt align with a satifsying conclusion for mike, el and will's arcs and for the narrative as a whole esp considering how limited time is going to be in s5. they CHOSE to write el as feeling unlovable, they CHOSE to leave byler and milkvan resolution for the last season so that we are crunched for time & so doing an extremely long ‘bi mike who fell out of love (indicating that theres something about her specifically that he doesnt like which again isnt morally bad but DOES conflict with el’s feelings of being unlovable as a person) with a girl who already feels unlovable and now they have to once again rebuild that trust and relationship from the ground up and somehow try and salvage a positive, amicable mike and el relationship because they’ve already heavily implied that their show has a happy ending and i cannot see a happy ending with mike and el resenting eachother’ arc in s5 gets overly convoluted and creates a ton of narrative problems that have to be solved. and that’s not even going into how all of the other stuff like familial parallels etc suddenly have no purpose and make no sense if mike was ever into el because the purpose of those parallels is to indicate a platonic bond.

and conflict isn’t always bad in a narrative! if they had written mike as bi they could have gone that conflict route and made it work, absolutely! but it doesn’t fit with the time crunch in s5, it doesn’t fit with a mike and el happy ending within the space/time that we have, it creates UNNECESSARY conflict that could easily be resolved by gay mike, esp considering that mike and el have already had ENOUGH conflict so adding MORE just makes it even more difficult and upsets the GA and milkvans even more and makes it even more confusing for them (and i know the duffers dont listen to the demands of fans but they DO want to create a cohesive narrative that people can understand & empathize with & they DONT want to create resent towards their queer characters which is what even more mike and el conflict would do due to the way that their relationship has been built up and they HAVE said that they like twists where you maybe dont see it coming but once you look BACK you can see it which is exactly what gay mike is), and so while narrative conflict itself is not inherently bad and is often very very necessary and serves an important purpose, THIS SPECIFIC narrative conflict imo would not only Not serve that purpose but would also actively go AGAINST the narrative that the show is trying to build and would go AGAINST a happy ending within the time constraints of s5, especially since the duffers have said that theyre going to wrap up all relationships and character arcs, so they would HAVE to wrap up mike and el friendship/rebuild it completely from the ground up which they don’t have time for. bi mike imo would involve/necessitate a ton of totally new mike and el platonic scenes which we dont have time for, whereas gay mike RECONTEXUALIZES existing scenes in a platonic light which means that all of those cute mike and el moments are now seen by the audience as cute platonic moments and therefore their friendship is seen as (and has been) being built up from the start and doesn’t have to be rebuilt in s5. (i think we will def get mike and el platonic scenes and I WANT THEM but we dont have time for them to be something thats absolutely core and necessary and centre stage for a happy ending to be achieved).

so yeah! please rethink ur definition of biphobia before throwing accusations around at me because i have painstakingly gone out of my way to research and avoid it and like i said, mike wouldn’t be morally bad but it would be narratively ‘bad’ and its not narratively bad BECAUSE being bi is morally bad, but rather, because the narrative has been built with gay mike in mind since the start and so bi mike doesn’t fit and is only ‘bad’ in the sense of being inaccurate. factually wrong, not morally wrong.

#stranger things #byler #st analysis #milkvan #st5 #em rants

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johannestevans · 1 year

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how do you find a solid sense of self when society constantly demands you trade parts of yourself to live peacefully in it. I'm not confidant i can start working towards more self-discovery without running into road-blocks that say "Back in your box or perish". Ive changed the way i interact and think about the world so much that i cant come up with a solid answer who i am outside the few labels Ive picked out for myself. other than that i feel like a blank slate, EXCITING but what can i even do

It can strike people as trite, but I think the biggest and most important thing you can do with regards to your identity is define it on things you love, and work outward from there.

What values do you hold most dearly? What hobbies or activities do you care most about? Big or small, what are the things that bring you the most joy, happiness, and satisfaction?

But apart from that, there's also like... What parts of yourself do you think are or have suffered most? What aspects of your identity have been most neglected or mistreated by those around you? What aspects of yourself do you think are the most tender, the aspects of yourself that deserve or need to be nurtured and cherished most?

There are things that can be in conflict, obviously, like things that can bring us joy whilst also making us feel trapped or hemmed in, as you say, and it's difficult to work from that. Especially when you've spent much of your life being told that what you do and how you exist has to be comprehensible and acceptable to passers-by and onlookers - messaging that queer and disabled people receive a lot, not to mention the same racialised messaging for people who are Black or brown etc, or straight-up just people who have come from a mixed cultural background - because our mere existence makes other people uncomfortable - it can be hard to shake off those expectations and the trauma that those expectations come with.

The most important thing to do and the thing that genuinely is the most liberating is to ensure you find community with like-minded people - not just people who love the same things you do or do the same activities, but people who share the same values as you, and care about them on the same level as you. People you can exist with and relax, without worrying about them judging some aspect of you, as much as possible.

What that means for every individual, what those communities look like, is ultimately a really personal thing, but the basis of pretty much anybody's self-confidence, I think, comes from being able to trust that those closest to them, those with whom they are most vulnerable or intimate, with their whole selves.

When you find those people and you are able to take your armour off, when you are able to just exist in the presence of that love without being fully armoured, you can then begin to see what you look like under it yourself, you know?

Not just because you're seeing it through other people's eyes, but also because you're seeing them unarmoured too, and you're doing that self-discovery not only through reflection and introspection, but through connection with others.

With queer people, I would say find other queer people - there's a reason that I always say it's important for trans MLM to seek out other MLM spaces, specifically because of the way attraction to men and men in general are celebrated in those rather than in broader spaces where there's often a bit of an "ew, men are icky, being attracted to men is icky" sentiment. There's a reason I also say that for disabled people, being around other disabled people fucking rocks.

Good luck with it, Anon! It's hard, but it's so rewarding once you do start to find people you click with, even if it's online or it's only now and then IRL, etc.

#musings #anonymous

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