This isn't something I have fully articulated thoughts on yet but honestly? I really do think that transandrophobia and the way people who talk about their experiences with it are isolated is, in part, why transmedicalism existed (exists still? I'm very detached from that discourse now) as a primarily trans man/trans masc dominated ideology.

I'm going to share my own experience and I can only speak for myself here, but when I was a really isolated late teen/early 20-something dealing with a lot of unresolved trauma re: my assault (that happened as a result of me coming out as trans to an ex), some immediate family's reaction to my transition being "well why can't you just be a masculine woman", and frustration about not being able to medically transition yet combined with the mid-2010's pressure to be a non-threatening feminine soft boy, I got sucked into transmedicalism.

I do want to be upfront and recognize a lot of my feelings at the time were a trauma response and projection. I recognize this now but I had no resources to recognize that then. I just want to make it clear from the start that I know my own thinking was flawed, that's why I'm reflecting on it openly so others can potentially recognize something that resonates here within themselves and grow.

Getting back into it though- I felt really triggered all the time in general trans spaces because of that 2010's culture. I felt pressured to be feminine or a woman in trans spaces online, just like I did around my ex or at home. I didn't want to undercut my masculinity or manhood for other people's comfort, especially not for other trans people who I felt should've understood. In contrast to this though, transmedicalist spaces and the trans men within them DID actually offer the support I was asking for. I was actually given space to talk about my assault and the pressures I was experiencing with a bunch of other trans men/trans mascs who understood it for the first time, ever really.

The idea of "there is a medical explanation for gender dysphoria that can be treated with medical transition" was also really comforting to my traumatized mind that kept thinking "if I'm open about my assault someone is going to accuse me of just being traumatized and not actually trans, if medicine is on my side I can prove them wrong" Which - let me be clear again - was a very traumatized way of thinking. I do not think that way anymore thanks to therapy and cultivating a healthier relationship with my body and gender and transness. I was not the only trans man with a history of assault that felt this way in the transmed community at the time though.

And I'm not justifying any of this ideologically right? Like. Transmedicalism is fundamentally flawed and incorrect in many of its ideas about sex, gender, and gender identity. Many people who believe in transmed ideology spout some absolutely horrible, transphobic bullshit on the regular and often align their ideology with conservatism and TERFs. I'm not here to defend transmedicalism.

What I am saying is this: It makes sense that a group of ostracized individuals who felt like they had no space to express their traumas would cling onto transmedicalism because it was the only ideological community giving them space to talk about it. Hate movements thrive on preying upon those kinds of vulnerable, traumatized people.

I'm just thinking about a lot of the friends I met via transmedicalism back then and now they're all either TERFs with a lot of repressed trauma and internalized transphobia that I've since cut off completely or they had a similar realization to myself and discovered their attachment to transmedicalism was rooted in trauma and a desire for trans masc community, addressed it, and now they live much healthier, happier lives.

I'm losing steam fast thinking about all of this because recounting trauma takes a physical toll on one's body BUT tl;dr I really do think if we had healthier spaces to address trans male/trans masculine traumas within the wider trans community via conversations about transandrophobia back 5+ years ago we wouldn't fully be here now wrt: how large transmedicalism became as a movement. I genuinely think I wouldn't have been sucked into that space if there had been more resources and space to talk about the experiences I was having, all of which are things people naming transandrophobia are trying to address in healthy manners.

I think healthy, open, conversations about transandrophobia in wider community spaces can do so much good to protect people who were in vulnerable positions like I was and can absolutely potentially prevent more people from getting sucked into the false support offered by hate movements within our own community.

recently i’ve been embarking on the next leg of my gender exploration journey, and the hardest part of it has honestly been navigating the way people see manhood as at odds with any sort of complex gender experience.

because the thing is, i’ve seen myself as a man for years now, and that hasn’t changed! i still very much consider myself trans male, even as my understanding of my gender has continued to evolve. i’ve been exploring parts of me that feel more connected to gender neutrality and androgyny and fluidity and even womanhood than i’ve previously acknowledged, and none of those things contradict the fact that i am a man! all of those different pieces of my gender coexist perfectly well and don’t cancel out the fact that i want people to recognize me first and foremost as a trans man.

but other people don’t see it that way, and i know that. if i express any sort of relationship to those other aspects of gender — especially to womanhood — i know for a fact that people will view that as me saying i’m not “really” or fully a man. they’ll assume it means i’m just partially a man (which i’m not) or masculine but not a man (which i’m also not) or just living as a man on the outside when my “real” internal gender isn’t male (which i’m definitely not).

so even acknowledging that the more complex parts of my gender even exist at all has been an uphill battle, because i know what they mean for the way people see me if i express them. it’s already a herculean task to get people to see me as a man without that!

i recently told my boyfriend about some of these experiences i’d been exploring, and even then, i was terrified. it seems silly — if there’s any single person in the entire world who would support me no matter what, it’s my boyfriend — but it still felt like i was immediately taken back to the fear of the first time i ever came out to someone. honestly, even then, i watered down a lot of my thoughts more than i wanted to because i was afraid they could be taken as implying something about my gender that i never wanted to imply.

and i don’t want to be afraid of it! i want to be able to talk about experiences like revisiting the gender neutrality i identified with when i first came out and discovering androgyny through spirituality and seeing myself in genderfluid characters and finding new bits of gender euphoria in being seen as a woman now that i’m on t, and i want to be able to do that openly without fear that it’ll be used against me, that it’ll be seen as me giving people permission to ignore the manhood that’s still the backbone of my gender experience.

i love being trans! i love being genderqueer! i love all the gender complexity and playfulness that comes with that for me! and i was never afraid to express it before i started living as a man openly because before then, i knew that i could always count on other queer people to get it even if most people didn’t. but now, i know there are a lot of queer people who wish i would be anything other than a man, who see manhood as antithetical to gender complexity and think that’s a radical view somehow, and suddenly there are a lot less people i can count on for that support.

manhood can be neutral. manhood can be androgynous. manhood can be fluid. manhood can be womanhood. manhood can be all those things at once. manhood can be any of a vast array of other things. manhood can be fucking anything because gender in general can be fucking anything, and it really seems like a lot of people have no problem acknowledging that until it’s applied to men.

restricting manhood to nothing but the most limited, simplified, binary version of it is bad. expanding our concept of what a man can be is good. playing with gender and stretching its boundaries and showing that binarism is a lie because none of these experiences actually contradict each other is good.

it’d be great if people — especially people who pride themselves on fucking with gender and smashing the binary and all that — could realize that, because i’m really getting tired of feeling like i’m being shoved back into the closet after so many years just because y’all can’t wrap your minds around the idea that some of the people with the cool weird genders are dudes.

I remember at one point seeing a cis woman on here talking about how she dodnt like being called Mx (as opposed to Miss or Ms) because as a kid she had bullies degender her for being fat and queer.

And like that's a perfectly reasonable request, and as far as I saw people were very respectful of it (though there might have been backlash i missed) but i think a lot of the same people who see "denying a girl access to womanhood because of her weight can be traumatizing" don't extend the same compassion to men being denied access to manhood

(re: men not wanting to be called princess being labeled toxic masculinity, also that one TikTok about using they for trans men who specifically use he)

"but i think a lot of the same people who see "denying a girl access to womanhood because of her weight can be traumatizing" don't extend the same compassion to men being denied access to manhood"

Yes!!! Yes!!!!!!!

I've been thinking a lot about "gender wounds" which is just what I've been calling trauma that comes from gender-based cruelty, whether its degrading you for your gender or forcibly alienating you from it. Gender is an important part of a lot of people's identity and having that attacked can be really traumatizing. So many men experience this but its also so normalized. Like you said, a lot of people can understand how being denied access to your womanhood is traumatizing, even when you are cis, but don't see it the same with men. "Fragile masculinity" is so often said with such lack of compassion, but being terrified of having your gender revoked for the slightest misstep is traumatizing.

The appropriate response is not "don't be a baby, just embrace being feminine!" because honestly, that's not much better than "don't be a baby, just be more masculine!", and doesn't do much to actually help (esp cis) men understand how they are being negatively impacted by the patriarchy.

To quote Jennifer Coates:

"Have you noticed, when a product is marketed in an unnecessarily gendered way, that the blame shifts depending on the gender? That a pink pen made “for women” is (and this is, of course, true) the work of idiotic cynical marketing people trying insultingly to pander to what they imagine women want? But when they make yogurt “for men” it is suddenly about how hilarious and fragile masculinity is — how men can’t eat yogurt unless their poor widdle bwains can be sure it doesn’t make them gay? #MasculinitySoFragile is aimed, with smug malice, at men—not marketers."

When we see things like Yogurt For Men, we should respond with "isn't it fucked up that the patriarchy makes men feel like every single aspect of their lives needs to be appropriately manly or else they are failures?" because that's actually pointing to the systematic source of the problem.

HOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY MALE-FAILED TODAY AND GOT GENDERED CORRECTLY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I WAS LITERALLY CRYING OUT OF HAPPINESS

I SOMEHOW MALE-FAILED WHILE WEARING CARGO PANTS, A JACKET, A TERRIBLE MASCULINE HAIRCUT AND MASCULINE GLASSES. I'M STILL NOT EVEN SURE I BELIEVE IT REALLY HAPPENED, IT HAPPENED SEVEN HOURS AGO AND I STILL HAVE BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH, ITS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER BEEN GENDERED CORRECTLY IN MY LIFE.

So yeah I had to return some pants that didn't fit me to a clothing store, and the cashier apparently had some trouble with it so she had to call up two of her co-workers. Now the first cashier probably thought I was male since I spoke to her (I haven't voice trained a lot and even then I just use my natal male voice as I was sure I didn't pass) but when the two other workers came to help I didn't say anything. Suddenly they began to talk and started saying stuff like "does she still have the receipt?" and "did she want to buy these clothes? Ohhhh she wanted to return them"

(for context we don't use sir or ma'am in Denmark so the only way to tell what gender people think you are is if you overhear them talking about you, which basically never happens, so I always assume everyone genders me male, but I guess now I'm not so sure haha)

They said stuff along those lines multiple times always gendering me female, I was glancing back at my friend who was behind me like "HOLY SHIT DID YOU ALSO HEAR THAT??!!?!!" and like honestly I don't think I've ever been as happy in my life as a I was in that moment. I didn't have a lot of doubts about my gender, but the ones I have got obligated cause holy shit it just felt so *right.* It felt so natural. Like this is how I am meant to be referred to. It felt like, for the first time in my life, someone was actually seeing *me.*

It also couldn't have happened at a better time honestly... Just two days ago I was crying my eyes out because I thought I would never, ever be recognised as a woman. Recently my dysphoria and outlook on my future has been extremely bad. I got diagnosed with crippling body dysmorphic disorder a few days ago too. There's been moments where I even thought about giving up on being trans, because I felt like no matter what I did, I probably would never be able to lead the life I want to live. People, both on Reddit and irl, have been telling me for a while now that I look more feminine than I believe myself, but I've always excused it by telling myself they're just being nice to not hurt me, but I guess I can't really excuse or explain what happened today in any other way. Obviously my first thought was that it was just because of the hair, but I don't even have a feminine haircut at all. Silly brain.

Anyways, I'm genuinely sorry if this sounds like a bragpost, I guess I just really wanted to share this. It's such a stupid little thing, but it has just completely changed my outlook on my life and my possibilities. Up until now I haven't even *tried* presenting fem outside of some pics I've posted on Reddit, since I thought it would be foolish to even do so, and I thought I wouldn't be even close to passing anyways even if I did, but if someone can gender me female while I'm presenting completely masculine, then surely there's gotta be some hope for me in the future once I come out and start presenting fem, right? I want to hope so at least.

Thank you for reading this, I love you all <3

-Saga

hiii!! cool blog, just wanted to know your opinions on drag? i don’t see it being talked about a lot on radblr but i like the way you phrase things and articulate so i just wanted to ask u and maybe start a discussion.

i see so much misogyny committed by gay males but for some reason drag queens are always so much worse. like on the american tv show drag comp where one of the challenges was to walk down the runway nude but w female genitalia??? it’s so disgusting but whenever i try n talk about it i always get hit with the ‘they just like women so much they gotta dress like them’ which is odd because how does a woman dress and why does respecting women = larping as a bunch of misogynistic stereotypes. honestly reminds me of tim’s 🤷‍♀️

anywho would love your opinion!!

ohhhhh mootina thank you for this lovely question, for its something thats actually been on my mind for some time!!!

ive actually been on the fence with my thoughts about drag the last year, but i think ive finally come to a conclusion

i dont like drag

i dont like that something that is historically meant to imitate, and ridicule women in an exaggerated form is being hailed as the peak of modern art

i do think its quite misogynistic

and also recently something i noticed is the influx of drag queens who are beginning to identify as trans women and are crediting and citing their drag as the thing which made them realize theyre a woman

like um.....

so u mean to tell me . that you doing drag which is historically an exaggerated caricature and parody of women is what made u realize ur a woman?

doing an exaggerated caricature and parody of women... was the key to realizing ur a woman? .. ..????#?#??

honestly i think trans women in general have the biggest right to (and the most respect for) setting firm boundaries with cis men. while im a cis* dyke, my bff is a trans woman and she has told me how little respect she has for them as class (not about man as a gender identity) because of what, to quote "I heard them say when they thought there were no women listening". and as a lesbian i've experienced the shit they want justified, because "if a lesbian agrees with me its actually fine right?" (no it isn't, you're being gross) tldr, personal boundaries with intimacy isn't sexism, its just boundaries

mad respect,

-🐝dyke (byke, if you will)

*born a woman, gender is lesbian, but i use she/her pronouns so i say cis because its easier to explain

The number of times when I was an egg and before I came out that I heard cismen say absolutely HORRENDOUS shit is too damn many. I grew up in Texas and I played football, and that locker room talk was fucking horrible. And the coaches don't bat an eye at it, they're all for normalizing it with "Boys will be boys" nonsense. And yeah, co-signing that personal boundaries bit. Kink can be a place where you feel very vulnerable, where you're exploring yourself and what you enjoy and finding things out about others. It's okay to set up who you do and don't want to feel that way around. Especially since, and I think I've posted this before or used it in a response to some other anon, but like most kinky spaces online cater to or are VERY welcoming of cismen, specifically heterosexual ones. I'd argue that most porn or smut is filmed/written with them as the target demographic with the shots/descriptions. So to complain that there's a spot that isn't catering to them, that has boundaries is just...why. You already have so much. Go enjoy that shit. Don't come here and bitch at me cause I said I don't want to deal with you in an emotionally vulnerable place.

Sorry this is a bit of rant, but I hate toxic masculinity and gender norms so so so much because now I'm subscribing to them, and I cannot stop myself. Sometimes I want to wear a dress, but if I do, or even so much as think about it, my body shudders or I want to vomit. Because the idea of being seen as feminine even in the slightest way physically hurts me, and its all because of the way I was raised. I'm in an extremely conservative household, and there is so much toxic masculinity. My brother has fucking curls for gods sake, he is a cis man and my dad makes remarks about how its gay (otherwise sayings its feminine) to take care of his curls!

Now me being a closeted trans guy, every time I hear my dad talking to my brothers, or talking to other men when women are around there is such a stark line between the two groups. My dad and his friends and my brothers are MANLY MEN AND WOMAN CANNOT BE IN THE MEN GROUP while the women around me kind of drag me into the stereotypical womanly position and giggle and joke around and there's so much internalised misogyny. I had my mother the other day berate me for not shaving my own damn legs, her big point was that it was 'unhygienic' even though my dad is covered in hair. Then the real point came out, apparently not shaving my legs makes me look like a lesbian!

It sucks man, it just sucks. I love my brother though because even though he also as equally as transphobic as them, he doesn't subscribe to their weird toxic masculinity and honestly he's the closest I'll ever come to being out of the closest.

I used to think my sister might be in the closest but as we get older and she conforms more and more to my parents ideologies I realise I was just fooling myself. And I hate being like this, because my family are good people in general and their not unkind to me, or treat me poorly, they treat me really well, I'm really well off and I'm grateful to them. But if I ever came out, I would be cut from this family so quick it would make my head spin.

Being around all these stereotypes just feeds my insecurities because sometimes when I listen to the things the men around me say I know its so misogynistic and I know I should strive to be better than that, but I can't help but really want to fit in with them because all I want to be seen is as a boy. But I never will be. I really really fucking hate it (excuse the language) when the women in my family try to pull me into their side. I hate that my older brothers just see me as my dad's daughter from his second marriage, I love them so much and I just want to be friends with them but I'll never get that, my younger brother will though BECAUSE HE'S A CIS MAN!

Its selfish, I'm really selfish for thinking like this, because I live really really well, I have parents who love me even its not for who I actually am, and we have money. Seeing how bad others are living compared to me and then complaining about my household is selfish I know. I just wish these stereotypes would go away, I wish I wasn't trans, I wish I was a normal girl, but I'm not, I'm a boy, I'll never be a girl and it's the worst thing in the world. It doesn't help either that I'm bisexual and got outed by my so-called best friend and had to pretend it was just a phase that I grew out of. I want to scream, but I can't, and I won't. Because if I ever want to succeed in this world, I need my family's support.

I hate this, because I do love my father and my mother and my brothers. I just know they only love the girl they see. That's what I hate. My mother keeps telling me to dress like a girl, to be a normal girl, and honestly her acknowledging that I am not like your average female is the closest I'll ever get with her acknowledging that I'm trans. But I still love them, I love them so much, please don't think that they are bad people because they really aren't. I just cannot fucking stand how they continue to think that trans people aren't really trans or that being trans is 'demonic' its screwing with my head. I know they would never utter a bad word against a gay or trans person they met in real life but god the things they say when the curtains close.

Not to mention that all the stereotypes have ruined having children for me. I want children, I want to get married, but I can't! I can't get married! I can't have children because all I can think about is how that is the 'WOMAN'S POSITION' EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT! But if I ever have kids or get married, I will be shoved right into the 'I told you so' 'You're a woman!' I will be put in the feminine box, and I hate it! I will just be another woman who got married to a guy that pretends to be nice in public but is not so nice at best and full on abusive at worst behind the scenes which seems to be the constant with every woman I know. God forbid I ever married a woman!

Sorry that this was long, I really needed to rant. I'm honestly so grateful that the internet exists because I can't be out in real life, but I can be out online, even if no one actually knows who I am. Thank you for listening have a great day! I love your page so much it brings me so much comfort and joy!

i would get tf out of that environment as soon as you can. never apologize for feeling unhappy with that situation because most people would be, too. that sounds horrible, and i’m really really sorry that you have to go through that.

best of luck, brother.

if this seems like a weird question feel free to ignore it! but.. if youve felt it, how do you deal with the guilt of "waking up" from transition and the narratives around it right now? i know logically in my mind that the current state of gender as a concept is a rehash/rebranding of old regressive standards, i know its not logical to do surgeries on young mentally ill and neurodivergent people who are in distress, i know that something cant be a social construct and biologically innate at the same time, and i know that the idea of "passing" or "transitioning to a woman" is misogynistic as hell, but i still feel bad for voicing or even thinking of any of it as wrong.

the majority of my friends are socially drowning in these concepts, and i cant even find any real lesbian friends, let alone someone who i might wanna date someday. i love them, but almost all of the same sex attracted women in my life hate themselves to some degree for being born women and try to seperate themselves from what they think womanhood is. it makes me feel hopeless as a detransitioned lesbian. any advice is appreciated :/

this got long so here's a cut:

I'm not a detransitioner myself, but I know there are many women on here and detrans lesbians specifically who would understand what you're going through. Anyone who'd like to reach out to anon in the notes is welcome to do so.

I do totally get what you mean about feeling guilty, even though your views are logically reasonable and feminist. Unfortunately that's by design: emotional manipulation and groupthink is how trans activism keeps people entrenched. No debate, anything that isn't immediately and entirely validating is simply evil, it's all black or white to them. There's no room for grey when just a little bit of poking and prodding can make your entire movement collapse in on itself.

I think it's quite common, I've heard it from many women, and myself included, that even after realizing the harms of gender ideology, we tend to examine ourselves and our beliefs over and over again because what if we really are evil fascists like they say we are? But every time, it turns out that no, we just care about women's rights to legal recognition and protection and equal opportunity, and patients' (especially children's) rights to responsible and ethical healthcare. Remember that when you feel you must be wrong because your opinion is currently in the minority. What's right is right, no matter how many or how few people believe it.

The other thing is, I've been watching this issue evolve for years now. I genuinely believe the tide is turning and people are seeing the misogyny inherent to this ideology. Most

In my personal life, most of my friends buy into gender ideology. A couple of them identify as nonbinary, although I'm not as close with them. It is a hard tightrope to walk. Honestly I don't get too emotionally attached, as much as I can help it, because I'm ready to lose them as friends if it comes to that. If they directly asked me my opinions I would share them, and I've always been prepared to. They never ask. I have a feeling most of them know I disagree with their views on gender but don't want to "have to" cancel/ostracize me, so the subject never comes up. Funnily enough, the friends with whom I do talk about my views openly are men. I think women, generally being socialized to care deeply about others' feelings and wellbeing, are more likely to have these feelings of guilt when going against the societally ~nice, kind, polite~ thing to do, so are more likely to stay close to the groupthink mentality of "we're good, they're bad, continue doing what we say is good and you can keep being good too". And when you see what happens socially to women who speak out against genderism, yeah it's terrifying to face that yourself.

All that to say, I get what you're feeling. It's lonely and isolating to think differently from the people around you but not feel safe to express it. Especially so for lesbians and bi women who want to date women but find that dating women now comes with the extra exhausting step of avoiding believers of gender nonsense everywhere you turn. But you are far, FAR from the only one. There are a ton of other women in your situation, they're looking for women like you. Don't give up. It's hard but it's worth it. I don't have experience with it myself, but I know of quite a few women who met on tumblr and ended up in long term irl relationships. There are also quite a few rad-related discord groups, some specifically for lesbians as well. Seriously, tumblr has become a great resource for connecting with other feminists. And even offline, there are far more women around you who think like you but are also too afraid of the backlash to speak out. Keep looking, don't give up.

Transfem buggy anon, back at it again-

• the sanji bit threw two thoughts into my head and it's both the "I love women (romantic)" thing and "i love women (trans)" thing.

Romantic: Sanji starts off all laughing at the overdramaric misery of his friends being step-clowns (new insult courtesy of him), but then, as he's serving Robin and Nami some snacks, he catches sight of the loose papers pile. He offers to assist with organizing it so Robin can enjoy her book and Nami can enjoy her newspaper and drink. They graciously accept, and he takes his place there with a smile, begins sorting them between fliers and bounties.

Then he finds a certain article.

That Article.

The One That Trash Talked Buggy For Being Trans.

Oh that shit is NOT gonna fly. Sanji is livid. Not only is that just.... mean, but he may have been in his own variant of ""hell"" on the okama island, but he met so many people between his training, and there's nothing WRONG with it. Women are women and women deserve RESPECT, damn it!!

Then, as he's frothing, he finds a bounty - updated since her coming out, name still the same, amount still higher than most expect, but the picture is changed.

He doesn't even realize his nose is bleeding until a drop falls on the paper.

Poor Sanji has to play off the heart flutters and face flush and nosebleed as sheer Respect Women Juice Induced Anger and not a flutter crush on a clown.

Nobody believes him but he still gives it the old college try.

It only really "comes out" as it were when the crews wind up meeting. Luffy is immediately tucking himself into Buggy's personal space with big smiles and bigger laughter, wrapping around his auntie-mom happily. She huffs but let's him cling, a sign enough on its own that she isn't all that bothered. And the eye roll, the half smile, the gruff hair ruffle-

Oh poor Sanji is gone. He is swooning, is spinning, is presenting a snack and affirmations. The other Strawhats are rolling their eyes, casual flippancy, fond exasperation.

Crocodile and Mihawk are Processing, Buggy is flustered and astounded, and it winds up bringing out a slight possessive streak in the two dark haired former warlords and it is HILARIOUS.

Trans route:

Sanji gets SUCH gender envy, and things go fairly similar to the above, but they wind up actually becoming something really soft and sweet with Sanji carefully hedging questions and Buggy just going "due are you a fucking dumbass, your crew loves you, they'd defend you to the ends of the world, they'd never be mad that you're a woman"

Sanji: I'm trans.

Ussop: oh I'm nonbinary! Neat!!

Nami, a lesbian: I AM THRIVING

Luffy: mmm good food

Anyway yeah that's it and ai am soft for Sanji and Buggy becoming friends or at the very least Awkward Friends.

And if anyone has a moment of "weird crush on a friend's relative", it would totes be Sanji and him having a moment of "Oh my seas it's a Stacy's mom deal, but it's luffy's clown mom-aunt-frenemy, fUCK-!!!"

Buggy's just flattered regardless and thinks it's kinda cute, she too had a puppy crush on someone older when she was a kid-

HIIII <333

Honestly, Sanji falling for fem!Buggy makes sense because fem!Buggy is just-- She is stunning. Gorgeous. Perfect. The only reason why she isn't transfem canonically is that it would be too much for this world to handle. And of course, Sanji, being the lover of women he is, would absolutely fall for her. Who wouldn't???? Sanji wants to die a little bit after the realization, though. If Luffy and Zoro ever find out, he won't be able to deal with the embarrassment.

AND!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trans Sanji <333 Transfem Sanji??? Genderqueer Sanji??? My favorite is honestly Genderfluid Sanji but the point here is they find out thanks to Buggy and it's the most unexpected thing in the world. Hilarious, even. The whole crew accepts them though because they're all queer. Like there is no way there's someone allo/cis/hetero in that ship.

I agree wholeheartedly btw Sanji is SO the type to fall for a friend's relative. Maybe that's why I love Sabosan,,, And Acesan,,, So much,,,, Mmmm. It just makes sense.

I was wondering if I could ask for Spock, Kirk, Pike and Uhura headcanons with a trans reader who gets annoyed with his body easily? Like, for me, whenever I don't wear a bra and feel the weight of my chest I get aggravated, if that makes sense?

Fighting for just a crumb of trans reader in the star trek fandom ngl 😔

Star Trek characters x Trans reader

Spock, Kirk, Pike, Uhura

(i didn't know if you meant this in a romantic or platonic way. So i did romantic. However if you want platonic i can totally do that too)

Spock

Spock himself gets aggravated with his own body. Maybe not in the same way but in the way his ears are and little things like that. Always wondering if he looks too human or too vulcan that day.

He wouldn't be very vocally helpful. If anything if he tries to verbally comfort you. It would come out very monotone and not help much.

So when he sees you uncomfortable and agitated he would come up to you. "What is wrong. You seem to be aggravated at something"

you would tell him and he would just nod and if you two are very close. He would use his vulcan telepathy. In this he would understand how you are feeling. Then he would show you exactly how he sees you and lets be honest. he shows you and you look absolutely handsome/pretty.

Spock may not be good at verbal communication. But damn was he good at comforting you in other ways.

Kirk

This man is very charming. He could charm anyone to get exactly what he wants. However when it comes to you he is also very caring.

He would be hard at work and when his eyes land on you. Seeing how you were pulling at your shirt more than usual. Your breathing unsteady he would instantly know that somethings wrong.

He might not know exactly whats wrong but he had a good guess. So he would tell someone to take over for him. That person usually being Spock. Then he would go over to you.

he would try to cheer you up by going over to you and flirting with you. but when he saw that you barely smiled he took you somewhere and the two of you talked.

He would compliment you and its not in the way most would think. Many people would call him a womanizer and someone that just flirts to flirt. But when he compliments you. His voice is so sincere and he would just tell you exactly how he saw you.

Then when you would start to feel better he would kiss your lips and then go back to work after making sure you were okay.

Pike

Pike is a relatively observant man. After running things for so long you kind of have to be. So it doesn't take him long to notice something is off with you.

Unlike most of the others he wouldn't be so obvious about it.

When he would see you pull at your shirt and that you were uncomfortable with how tight your shirt was. He would just pass by and hand you a hoodie of his.

He really only had like two hoodies that he wore so whenever he let you wear one. You always felt special.

If you needed to talk all you had to do was give him a certain look across the room and he would understand. Giving control to Spock for a bit before taking you to another room.

Pike would mostly be a listener. He would ask what's wrong and let you talk. Talk until you were completely finished and then he would hold you close. His arms would be around you. One of his hands on the back of your head and the other on your back

He would hold you and then bring your hand up to his lips and place a kiss against it. Then he would spend some extra time in making you some food. Making sure you ate something before the both of you went back to work.

Uhura

Uhura is both Smart and confident. She would instantly know whats wrong and as soon as she finishes up what she's doing she comes to your aid.

she would grab ahold of your hand to stop you from picking at your skin. Or pulling against your shirt. There would honestly not be much words said at first. Just her saying "come here" then you would be in her arms in seconds.

The both of you would stay like that. Her head against your shoulder with your face buried in your neck. Just holding each other for a moment.

but when the both of you would pull away she would take your face in both of her hands and kiss your cheeks before pulling away and saying sweet things. Complimenting you and even complimenting your brain. About how smart you are too. She really would be so amazing.

Speaking of fetishization and all that jazz, recently the term fujoshi came up in real life for me and a friend asked me what it meant. For transparency I’m only 25, didn’t really fall into fandom until covid. Essentially I said it was a japanese term sometimes used in fandom so it depends who you ask. It could be 

Rotten women: this is the most technical translation and I’m pretty sure the actual word is a pun about rotten eggs or something. It means rotten as in spoiled, as in “spoiled for marriage” 

A derogatory term for women who are ruined for marriage because they like gay porn 

Women who likes gays porn 

Women who like BL/boy love. The male equivalent is fudanshi. BL is gay mlm romance genre for manga. GL is for girl love, but I think GL is less popular of a genre/not really a thing. I’m pretty sure the porn equivalent is yaoi for gay porn and yuri for lesbian porn(still talking about manga/anime) but I could be wrong. BL and yaoi might mean the same thing I’m not sure. The important part here is fujoshi is for women who like BL and fudanshi is for men who like BL. This is the most correct term unless someone is trying to use it as an insult. I’m pretty sure this is what comes up when you google it. 

Straight women who fetishizes gay men

Transphobic term for a trans man that actually just a “straight women who fetishes gay men” 

(me still talking to my friend) 

Now if you’re wondering why all this exists we need to go back to the early 2000s and I’m pretty sure 4chan. If I’m right, fujoshi already meant rotten women and was used to describe a woman who was ruined for marriage, but around this time it started being used specifically against women for liking gay porn/ BL manga. An intersection of misogyny and homophobia where women aren’t just ruined by jacking off, but even more ruined if they jack off to gay porn. Oh no the horror! How will women ever marry straight men if she masturbated to gay men? She is now ruined for straight men. I find this whole thing absurd, but honestly I forget that people “aren’t supposed to even masturbate” before marriage. Got to keep yourself completely pure I guess. Like I understand the concept of not having sex before marriage(even if I really don’t agree) because I grew up hearing that but the idea that you shouldn’t even masturbate or you’ll be ruined is so stupid to me it makes my brain short circuit. And of course it's misogynistic as all hell. At this time it's a Japanese term used in Japan against Japanese women and it's later reclaimed by Japanese women. Reclaimed as in “wait you guys can have porn and be horny but we can’t!? Well fuck you then I am rotten woman and you can go fuck yourself” At least thats what I think they mean when they say its a “reclaimed word” All I know is that its a misogynist term used against japanese women then reclaimed by said women. This is when “it just means women who like BL definition starts” 

Short time later it slowly but surely gets used in western fandom by people(mostly women) who ship mlm and by women who like BL and in the latter case it literally means that. This is when “it means a woman who fetishes gay men '' crops up Now I wasn't around at this time and there's a lot of mud throwing and shit when people talk about early tumblr and shipping culture. From what I can tell lots of time it was just used as an insult against people who shipped gay stuff, but there were women who would act gross towards gay men. My opinion is that is kinda like lesbian porn. I don’t give shit if someone like lesbian porn. I give a shit if someone is gross to me personally, like a guy wanting to watch me giss my friend, but its non of my business what kinda porn someone likes. What a weird thing to give a fuck about. And shipping isn’t even always porn! Lots of times its just porn, but lots of times its just about the most interesting relationship on screen which normally isn’t the romantic one. I have a whole theory that the most popular ships being between friendships not romantic leads is because romantic story lines aren’t great. Take zuko and katara vs aang and katara. Zuko and katara have a whole arc where they learn to trust each other and we see their relationship grow and change, but with aang and katara we mostly only watch them crushing on each other which is just not as interesting. 

I said more about how the term gets pretty transphobic and how fetishization is a good criticism lots of times but i’m pretty sure I’m out of words lol 

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腐女子 is a pun on 婦女子. They're both 'fujoshi'. The 'fu' character means 'rotten' or 'fermented' as in tofu: 豆腐.

English-speaking antis are just morons about language along with everything else and completely misrepresent this word.

Yeah, it was 2chan crying that girls liked something other than them and then women being like "Joke's on you: I'm proud of that".

(In general, insecure douchebags dislike their partners masturbating because they foolishly assume that if a partner has zero experience, they won't be measuring the douchebag against anything. In reality, you can tell if sex was bad without anything to compare it to.)

BL is a genre term for m/m stuff aimed at an assumed female audience. It tends towards romances, but that's not the definition AFAIK. I imagine that women who like gei komi probably also call themselves fujoshi, but the point of the 'fudanshi' term is to denote men who like the "for girls" stuff, not just gei komi.

Is GL used much? I usually see queer women using 'yuri' to talk about f/f manga.

You can drop that "porn equivalent" nonsense though. Aside from some English-language fanfic, there has not been a consistent terminology for softcore vs. hardcore. Both 'BL' and 'yuri' can cover the full spectrum of content.

Please don't take this as anon hate. I have nothing against you or your blog, but I feel I must correct you on a few things about Wendigoon. 1: He actually is Native American (half Cherokee to be precise) and 2: Christian Weston Chandler, the person he was talking about in that tweet, is a guy who was institutionalized for repeatedly raping his dementia-ridden mother. I don't think it's transphobic to suggest that a guy like that doesn't respect.

okay im not planning on being a youtube drama tumblr but i do feel like i should clear up some facts

1. he is cherokee. not algonquin. cherokee people are (from my understanding) from the southeast of the us, whereas algonquin people are from southeast canada/northeast us. while both of them are indigenous, they are different and have different cultures and folklore. the creature that he is using is algonquin, not cherokee, so its really weird that hes merchandising it when algonquin people have expressed discomfort at that. the conglomeration of indigenous cultures and tradition often comes from a place of misunderstanding (again im not indigenous so feel free to correct me!)

2. chris chan is a trans woman. i cant believe this is still discourse honestly. trans people can be gross bad people. to say that someone isnt trans bc theyre a bad person is actually really transphobic. the cherry picking of who gets to really be trans is very gross. and for him to do it is extremely offensive. to deny that chris chan is a trans woman isnt denying her respect the way you say it is, its literally just being transphobic. i really suggest you reconsider your standpoint as it comes from systematic transphobia

violer ive always wondered & ur the best person to ask. is there transphobic jokes in adam sandler jack and jill

hello io!!!! you've activated my "she talks about adam sandler for way too long" cutscene so i hope ur ready for that! this is going to lead me to rewatch Jack and Jill (2011) starring Adam Sandler, just so i can give u the full answer bc my Adam scholarship needs to be THOROUGH do u understand???? i hope u can live with the knowledge that uve made me do thjs. also i forgive u. this is a pride month post now btw.

Adam Analysis beneath the cut. tl;dr umm probably not as much as u would imagine like it could be So much worse but its. kinda okay at points too? Theres Nuance.

so even if u havent seen all of Adams many films like i have, maybe ur the average person whos probably only seen 10 or 20 of them who knows. u could probably imagine the kinds of jokes he tells. just general mean spirited ribbing towards anyone who isnt adam or like adam right? standard fare for mainstream movie comedy. so when it comes to Jokes Adam Tells About Women, we basically get two categories: jokes for women adam wants to have sex with, and jokes for women who Adam thinks are undesirable and does not want to have sex with.

when it comes to jokes about trans women, or the closest depiction of trans women an adam sandler film is going to get, they more closely align with the ugly woman jokes, except they arent really seen as women, so the joke is just kind of "ur a man!" when its literally a male friend of adam's in a dress pretending to be a trans woman, u know? not fun (btw friend of adam is the new horrible slang for id'ing other gay people tell everyone u know). there are only a feeew instances from what i remember of a stock crossdresser/trans woman joke character even being in a Sandler film, and usually u can like feel the disgust everyone has for these characters for like the 10 secodns theyre on screen to be joked at.

in Jack and Jill however, theres like.. kinda none of that. like shes jacks twin sister at the end of the day and everyone gets along with her because shes family even if shes loud and annoys people. spoilers for... jack and jill... but the whole plot is jack learning to love his sister again and not be annoyed by her very presence, learning the importance of family along the way. the jokes are mostly "god i hate my loud and annoying twin sister" more than anything. from what I remember anyway (this is before my rewatch btw this is just preliminary info jeez), the jokes are more aligned with undesirable women jokes toward jill than flat out transphobia (say, "ur even manlier than ur brother wow!" vs "u are a man") anyway i will now be watching Jack and Jill (2011) starring Adam Sandler so ill be right back.

okay hi. so they definitely characterize jill as being i guess the larger presence of the two, like they show a home movie montage of the two growing up and thats continually the joke in those clips that shes just "more than" jack. hairier, fartier, stronger, but also more emotional and familial, as in wanting to be close with her twin brother than he would like to be with her. in these ways shes made to be both more masculine and more feminine than jack. although shes made to be more masculine, as the film defines it, it then has many moments where its like "yeah despite her just being adam sandler in a dress, shes 'actually a woman'" like, if anything these moments are transphobic in that they ask "is Jill a guy?" and usually the answer is "no of course not shes a real woman not some man in a dress!" not said with such explicit terms but it's then implied by asking the question that it would be worse if the answer was yes. the first of these woman affirming instances is the honestly the best, so i will describe it for u thus, because youre here for analysis that is also just plot summary Goddamn It.

so theyre all in a movie theater when jill gets a call and starts talking really loudly, annoying everyone as the film has her do. jack calls her a psycho and she starts crying and runs out of the theater. one theatergoer remarks "way to make a chick cry, dude." and another inquires, "that was a chick?" and as jack runs to get jill he pours his popcorn on the guy and shuts him down like "yeah that was a chick!" like in one light its just the film reminding us and affirming and that she is in fact a real, normal cisgendered woman through adam owning this guy epically, but if ur absolutely insane you could see this as the biggest Adam Sandler Trans Ally W if there were to ever be one. just. compared to everywhere else that couldve gone, its. good? to see adam actually defending the "man in a dress" comedic character for once. even if it had to be him in the dress while being 100% cis, actually, for him to cool it with the transphobic remarks.

another moment is when jill is lifted by her soccer team to celebrate her helping win a match... yeah dont worry the context wont help... so as shes being lifted someone looks under her dress and is like "yeah shes not a guy" and gives another guy money like they made a bet? probably the weirdest example. but then she also makes sure to mention later that she does have periods so we all know the character of Jill Sadelstein played by Adam Sandler from Jack and Jill (2011) starring Adam Sandler twice, is in fact a real woman. idk like its playing into the comedy of this just being adam sandler saying that and like "haha hes not a woman" but idk if i would call that transphobic, one could perhaps say hes doing drag for this movie and like drag performers play with that all the time right?

idk it feels like the movie hairspray where the role of the mom is played by a man in a dress where that's just kinda the joke about it the whole time but it's still drag and kinda taken seriously?is that transphobic? eh probably a little. if anythjng it just feels like a drag performance in kinda poor taste where ur waiting for him to say the things he's said before about man in dress characters and then. he just doesn't?. uhhh llike later on theres a part where jack dresses as jill to try and fool al pacino who is in love with jill btw. al pacino is in love with jill but she doesnt like him back so she wont go meet him. anyway jack is getting changed in the bathroom and theres an attendant there who sees him come out full jillmoding. he proceeds to grope jacks fake melon boobs to adjust them and gives an approving italian hand smooch 🤌 mwah u know. its a little okay. i like it.

um there is also a moment where the joke is that pretransition caitlyn jenner is there, but its 2011 so she hadn't come out yet. its jarring and feels very transphobic bc they deadname her, but it was before she came out so that was... just her name at the time. so its okay, but feels wrong. a very strange coincidence for some of the only transphobia coming from this movie when it could have it fucking everywhere to be completely unintended and the result of someone just transitioning after the movie was done being made.... didnt know where to put this observation but it had to be known.

All Of This being said tho, u kinda need to have adam-vision like me to have a tolerance for his... we'll call them antics. only after many other sandler films did i get to this one and be like "oh wow that wasn't that bad given what i was expecting!" its still not a good movie, but compared to every single other one hes made or been in, its like. definitely in the middle of the pack. if we can take adam sandler acting in drag being the kinda silent joke for an hour and a half its. an okay watch. best watched with friends so u can talk about it/over it if u want. i would perhaps even call it camp at times if i had worse judgement. it definitely could have been worse! then again maybe i truly am numb to adam and i just didnt see anything wrong with it who knows! i am possibly completely full of shit. hope this helps 👍

i feel like i dont see women in this position talked about often on radblr so here goes. feel free to ignore this ask if you dont want to answer it. but i just wanted to say that, damn, its really hard to be a woman in a long term, happy and loving relationship with someone who comes out as a trans woman years into the relationship. i was a die hard tra and now im... not. i have so much guilt all the time and nobody to discuss things with. i never thought in a million years i would be agreeing with 'terfs' and yet here i am. and yet i love my partner and am so happy with them. and yet i also cannot delude myself into believing gender ideology anymore. i feel like no matter what road i take i wont be being true to myself. i dont want to leave but it feels wrong to stay, like i'm tricking them into thinking i believe it when i don't, but i dont want to ignore my own thoughts and feelings and just go along with it either. every time a male pronoun comes into my head when i think of them i feel guilty. guilty of thoughtcrime! the only people they have come out to is their friends/our mutual friends, so i cannot speak to anyone about how i feel. every day i wish i could go to my mom and just tell her how i feel. i wish i could speak to other women about this, especially women in heterosexual relationships. but i cant. my partner doesnt understand how isolating it is when they have lots of friends (incl. trans women friends) to speak to and i have no one in my life who knows except the mutual friends. the few times i've brought it up ive just been met with 'but what would you want to talk to them about' as if idk.. im not supposed to have thoughts or feelings on my long term partner changing so much about themselves? i honestly think much more women would 'peak' if they actually sought out trans communities. going on r/mtf to learn how to support my partner was very... enlightening.

Oh wow, I don’t even know where to start with this one. This sounds like a really difficult and confusing thing to go through so firstly I really hope you’re okay.

You fall in love with people so of course it’s understandable that part of you wants to stay and that you have strong feelings for them. But also it’s important that you can’t keep pretending to be someone you’re not and lie about being accepting of gender ideology. That must be exhausting to keep up that lie, especially when you have no one to talk to about it.

Even regardless of your views, so many people leave their trans-partners despite being trans accepting. It’s confusing to watch someone change drastically, when you fell in love with a version of them that they aim to distance from. And the fact that they are being dismissive of the fact you want to talk to people about it is a red flag.

Obviously I don’t know you, I don’t know your partner or the full details of your situation. But if I were your friend in real life, I would ask you if you could see yourself living like this in the long run. It’s tough because feelings of love get in the way of logic, and people tend to reminisce about their partners old self. But definitely keep your mind focused on the present and future and what is best for you long-term.

Wishing you the best, you can chat here any time, it’s definitely something that should be talked about more on here 🫂💖

i don't hate gay people, i am a gay person and i.love gay people. i didn't smear her, i rightfully called her out on her transphobia, because people need to know she (and you) align yourself with those who smear people like me as pedophiles and rapists.

For context: https://www.tumblr.com/butch-reidentified/719311495708753921/pajrc1234-blocked-me-before-even-commenting-that I'm not sure why you sent this anon; i thought at first that maybe @pajrc1234 is a side blog but its the one you replied on? In any case, since my message to YOU was off anon and you used "I" to address yourself, for transparency I'm keeping your information here.

Hey, i'm really angry about this but I'm holding myself back from being mean and sarcastic to make a point.

The whataboutism? Stops fucking here. There ARE issues in the gay community. There ARE issues with lesbophobia, misogyny, there is petty drama, there is stupid bullshit, there is every conceivable kind of human flaw and foible to be found in human beings under the LGBT umbrella. Do you know why that is? Its because we're human beings, with all the variety that that entails.

That means that, for a community to still be able to come together, we need to recognize we'll bruise some elbows and even come across Genuine Bad Actors in all areas of life. We deserve to look out for OTHERS in our community by calling out behavior - BEHAVIOR - itself that is harmful.

What that does NOT MEAN. Is that you start a witch hunt, targeting almost EXCLUSIVELY same-sex attracted woman. for THINKING or ASSOCIATING with the "wrong" ideas or people.

Do you notice what I did there? Do you recognize theres a difference between "BEHAVIOR" and "THINKING"? or even "CRITIQUING"? Because I don't know that you do! And i don't know if a lot of the loudest voices in "queer activism" these days knows that either. Because it seems to me its pretty clear the people who are actually COMMITING the hate crimes that target gay people (uhhhh including trans women, because thats the only demographic anyone wants to talk about when they go into a lesbians inbox), are NOT people IN the community sharing tragic and traumatic events from their own lives.

Lesbians are members of the LGBT Community. Lesbians have a RIGHT to to be here, and we have a RIGHT to discus the things that are hurting us, same as anyone else.

What you DON'T have a right to do, is police the lived experiences of lesbians on the internet or otherwise, to play out your own victim complex. If YOU BELIEVE that eeeeveryone is out to get you, and that SOMEHOW the worst participants are lesbians on tumblr, I need you to know that is pathetic of you.

Women to start with - Cis women even, if you want to be specific - have the lowest possible numbers for violence. Cis women have the lowest numbers for supporting conservative ideas - by voting records! We have that data. Add on top of that, lesbians are a TINY minority of all cis women. So, a minority of a population that is more frequently targeted for violence is SO SCARY to you, that you HAVE to defensively smear their name before they can get you?

Grow the fuck up. I don't actually believe you're "afraid" of violence from lesbian women. I think you just found a way to be a bully and have your victim cake too. Women aren't required to be extra special niceys to you, the only thing we have to do is survive amidst the other factors that make that difficult, and honestly if you have to turn any attempt at LGBT healing into "But what if you maybe someday possibly align yourself with my actual enemies?!" I think you're a wuss. If you actually cared about chasing out bad actors and right wing extremists, you wouldn't go after the demographic that is the LEAST likely to vote republican.

You don't go after the real enemies, because you KNOW that men are more likely to be violent and abusive and harass you and do all the things that you accuse "TERF"s of doing. You're more afraid of them than you are willing to face the problem, and women are an easy target to you because of that. That is the definition of a coward. Hell, that's probably what got you so mad! @butch-reidentified was in a horrifying situation and survived, WHILE helping someone else, and it triggered you so badly you just dug deep into your ugly woman-hating soul to immediately slander her name and make it about YOU.

You. Are. Pathetic. Get better or shut up.

You have no idea how grateful i am for your blog. Its eye opening and i no longer feel like a hysterical bitch for worrying about what some trans movements (and im talking about those that want to police cis womens bodies too, not only theirs) was doing to feminism for past years.

Don't get me wrong... i think its fine when they do what makes them happy as long as they dont hurt other people. But more and more it feels like trans women want to dominate female spaces. And honestly, no matter how hard i try, i cant stop thinking thats its just male need to be always in the centre of attention. They come to us and instead of finding companionship and trying to fit in... they bring they own idea what a "woman" is and try to force it on every woman. Ones they dont agree with them they dubbed terfs and think that end of discussion. Another example of male entitlement if you ask me.

Im tired of bending backwards to appease them and once again ignoring womens issues as not to hurt trans womens feelings. Shouldn't they too be more empathetic towards cis women? Shouldn't they feel camaraderie with us? I'm yet to find trans woman who fights for feminist issues that dont concern her (i.e reproductive rights applicable only to bio women) with such ferocity cis women who are TRA fight for her right to be called a "woman". I'd want to be proven otherwise but more and more it seems like we're being talked over by men and male socialised people.

Sorry this came out long and probably makes no sense, but i feel like such a failure as a queer person to think like that. Maybe i am. But as a woman im tired of being silenced all over again. Now by the very people that claim sisterhood to me. But it feels like I'm the only one expected to hold my part of the bargain, they are exempt for some mysterious reasons. It's exhausting, I'm exhausted and honestly losing hope that my problems as a biological woman will ever be taken seriously.

Hey :)

I feel you in how difficult it can be to not feel like you have any people who see the same things you do. I also felt alone for so long because I had this nagging feeling about certain things, but most of the people I could find who were worried about the trans movement were conservative. 

And I also get what it feels like to force yourself into cognitive dissonance. It’s hard to try and convince yourself of things that are so blatantly untrue, and in the end, it doesn’t work. at least not if you’re a same-sex attracted woman who is a lot in LGBT spaces and can’t just “ignore” these things.

And I guess that there are some trans women who genuinely care about women’s issues, the thing is that they are not heard or uplifted because at some point they have to admit that women and trans women are different categories, and the trans activists can’t have that. So every discussion can not be about material issues, but it has to be about the use of language and pseudo-philosophical debates. Because if you look at material reality, you notice that cis women and trans women are not just different types of women, but different sexes altogether (even though trans women sometimes live their lives as though they were female and experience discrimination because of that as well). 

But most male-to-female trans activists are displaying such apparently male behaviour (sexualisation of women, talking over women, not taking women seriously, etc.) that you’d ask yourself why they don’t get dysphoria from that? I mean if I were a male who wanted to be a female, I’d at least try to appear female in some capacity lmao. I sometimes ask myself whether these people actually feel gender dysphoria or whether they have some other mental health problem that has nothing to do with being transgender. 

But you’re not a failure as a queer person. Actually, I don’t think it’s productive to use that term because being “queer” is some nebulous concept whose creation had only the goal to confuse and obscure the “oppression” of biological sex and material reality. Even a kinky straight guy is queer, a straight woman who gets off on reading Yaoi is queer, and by a strict application of the term “queer” as “people who don’t conform to cultural norms around gender and/or sexuality”, even paedophiles are queer. That’s not to say that trans activists use it that way, but the definition leaves space for all kinds of unethical paraphilias. Being queer is not an oppressed class. What is an oppressed class is being a woman, being same-sex attracted, being gender non-conforming, etc. 

You don’t owe the “queer community” anything. You owe it to people who suffer under systems of oppression like racism, capitalism, homophobia etc. to advocate for their rights and treat them as equals. You don’t owe it to some straight guy who watched too much lesbian porn to advocate for his rights. Literally nobody is oppressing him. 

I actually think that at some point, women will realise their shared interests and stand up for themselves. My only fear is that to come to that point, we will go through some sort of conservative “Dark Ages”, but maybe we can do something to prevent that by showing a third way to analyse gender on the basis of material reality. It’s cool that you’re interested in that as well :)