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#its been so long since i posted my work on tumblr i gotta remember what to add
whoreadsnowadays · 2 years
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yo what's up!! first off i wanna say you have awesome vibes. second off. may i request something for rise!donnie with a s/o who deals with high fatigue & poor balance/coordination? awfully specific i know but as a dyspraxia-haver this has been on my mind pretty heavily lately. headcanons, a one shot, i don't mind just go ham. have fun with it y'know!!!
Aw thank you !! That means a lot my friend ! I'm very proud of my awesome and cool and great and attractive vibes /hj
I tried to do a little research to get it right so let me know if I got something wrong and I'll change it ! And when I got inspiration I ended up focusing on the poor coordination more than the fatigue/poor balance, so apologies in advance for that
but otherwise <3 donnie my beloved he's so scrunkl and fun to think about
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Warnings: like two cuss words, otherwise nothing I can think of
( Romantic ) Gender Neutral Reader x Rise ! Donnie
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Hardworking Hands
Donnie loved having you around, you were smart and interesting and always tried to listen to his rants and infodumps
But the price of hanging out with your boyfriend was doing menial tasks for him in his lab
One of the first times you had hung out in his lab, he had handed you a smaller contraption and asked you to disassemble it for parts
And of course, you couldn't bring yourself to say no
So as Donnie tinkered away with his back towards you, ranting excitedly about the project he was working on, you slowly and meticulously started trying to unscrew the tiny bits and peices of the small device
You were about a third of the way through when Donnie turned around to look at you, his ranting coming to a stop
You were too busy focusing on getting your shaking hands to just turn the fucking screw, that you didn't even notice he had stopped talking
He watched you for a moment, trying to decide what to do before he reached over and took the screw driver from you, as well as the small device
And when you looked up at him, confused and a little peeved because you had it damnit- You saw his soft expression, thoughtful and considering.
He set the device on his desk before turning to you, and when he spoke again in that soft inquiring tone of his you could've melted
"What do you.. want to help with? I can list some things off?"
You knew Donnie was bad with apologies, and as he looked down at the floor in front of you, refusing to look higher than your shoes, you knew he understood
You smiled and hummed, listening to him as he listed off one or two things that needed done.
After he was finished you decided on helping with equations, you knew your way around a pen and calculator better than a screw and wires.
And from that point on you were on calculator duty. Of course you still had to take it slow, writing slowly and meticulously so Donnie could read your writing.
And Donnie always made sure to ask you before putting another job on your plate.
And when you weren't working (or reworking) calculations, you found that the lab made a great spot to nap, with all the white noise constantly surrounding you
And if Donnie maybe spent a little too long staring lovingly at you no matter what you did, well that was for him to know and for you to (if he had any say in it) never find out
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raytorosaurus · 11 months
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bit of a weird ask but I saw a twitter post saying they were 'devastated' over what frank said in an interview about performing/writing in ls dunes compared to some other bands (theyre assuming that the 'other bands' means mcr because they cant think of the 20+ other bands that hes been in) and after reading it a second time it doesn't even seem that negative?? it just talks about different processes and his excitement for dunes, but I still feel down anyway now because of that reaction, and it really makes me doubt that part of the fandom's faith in the band and its members im kinda close to quitting the fandom because of this and idk how the tumblr/twitter gang here survives it y'all are troopers, im unsure how to avoid that kind of doomposting
sorry i totally forgot to answer this the other day, i hope you see this!
but yeah, i see the same thing and it is. pretty irritating haha. it speaks to the unrealistic traits and behaviours fandom has applied to these ppl over the years/decades - which are harmless enough on the surface, but left unchecked you end up with doomposting or disproportionate levels of discourse when one of them doesn't behave the way their textpostified personalities would have you believe hahaha. if frank isn't anything but reverential towards mcr then he must hate it. if gerard puts time and work into his artistic and career pursuits that aren't related to mcr he must be giving up on the band like he supposedly did in 2012. if ray, who hasn't done a single interview since 2016, isn't on stage showing frank public affection or admiring him on twitter, he must be bossy and arrogantly taking all the glory for mcr's guitar parts and musicality. if mikey does anything it's gotta have something to do with gerard or mcr because obvs he doesn't exist outside the band etc etc. again none of these things are like. problematic or bad**, just kind of. annoying to engage with as an adult in the space i go to enjoy myself hahaha.
but this specific discussion abt frank implicitly dissing mcr also cropped up after that podcast frank did with travis, where he discussed writing music with ls dunes vs every other band/project he's been involved in. which, let's remember, is a fucking lot. how many albums has frank made or been part of? too many to easily count. only about four or five of those were with my chemical romance. ls dunes is only set apart from the rest because they're currently active after mcr's huge reunion, and they're a supergroup so they're getting a lot of press attention. people have never batted an eye in the past when frank has discussed how great it is to be working with this or that musician on this or that album - it's just the timing of ls dunes and our own high hopes for new mcr music that make people take this one in particular so personally.
on top of that... we've always known mcr has a fraught and stressful writing process??? that is like. a major part of the lore? we're all compelled by the insane amount of unlikely success mcr achieved in their careers, and by the fact that they were always controversial. we reblog quotes about gerard saying mcr's purpose was always to be against something, to undermine expectations, to infiltrate, contaminate etc. i thought this was something we were all drawn to about mcr? so i'll never understand the shock and disappointment when frank makes the simple statement that writing with ls dunes is easier, less stressful, and more lighthearted than writing with mcr. like...duh it is? mcr have always been open about how much they put into writing albums - and also about how they're proud of what they created, and that they consider each other cherished family.
the most annoying part for me is when people take quotes about frank working with travis and twist them into some kind of dig at/criticism of ray. i can only assume these people aren't used to working with others in a creative capacity, especially long term, because i just totally can't understand where it comes from lol. as someone who's read/watched every guitar-related mcr interview i've ever been able to get my hands on: ray and frank have literally never been anything other than fully complimentary of, respectful to, and affectionate with one another. ray was far from the first guitarist frank ever worked with and leagues from the only one. also, creative partnerships are extremely complex and every one is completely unique, with it's own strengths and difficulties. if ray and frank didn't love playing with each other they wouldn't have done it for years and years. that doesn't mean frank can't vocally love playing with other guitarists??? these things are not contradictory and appreciating aspects of one creative partnership is not equivalent to bad-mouthing a different one? like that is just not how it works skdkdjd
anyway i think a lot of it comes down to the fact that, for us, we see these people as parts of my chemical romance. naturally, because that's the reason we know they exist! but all of these people live rich and full and complex lives like any other person. the only parts of those lives that we generally see much of are the my chemical romance parts. we look for mcr in everything they say, which is understandable but unrealistic. all we need to do it keep that in mind imo
**(tho ppl's tendency to pit ray and frank against each other for some reason, which used to be a way common but is unfortunately a sentiment i'm starting to see crop up again in some places, definitely can get. suspicious and uncomfortable. especially considering that frank is the fan favourite so these pointless comparisons tend to err in his favour, and in either direction they tend to be very shallow and uninformed anyway. but that's a separate conversation)
wow i literally did not intend to turn this into a giant essay im so sorry. kudos if you made it this far lol. and i feel you anon, it's discouraging and puts a bad taste in my mouth when i come to this fandom for fun and fulfillment. i wish i had better advice because im feeling a little similar but just try to remind yourself that other people's opinions are just that. i find it helps if you can curate your own dash/feed or make friends in more discussion-friendly spaces like dms or gcs or discord servers. or even a priv twitter account with a few like-minded mutuals where you can vent ur shared frustrations over things without making it a whole big deal HAHAHA. the less time you spend scrolling thru ppl's public posts and the more time you spend diving into interviews, podcasts, videos, the web archive etc to detach yourself a little from group fandom-think the better you'll probably feel about mcr tbh! also long as you have friends or close mutuals that's all that matters imo <3
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fruitymajor · 1 year
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Hello!
So... I'm kind of embarrassed that THIS is my first official Tumblr post but whatever.
I've been on a Harry Potter streak reading fanfictions and just watched a reel that made me imagine a scenario for a oneshot and I need it to exist somewhere besides my head.
I don't know if this is already a thing, and if it is could I possibly get a link to it..👀
Imagine: The reader buying/being gifted an enchanted ~toy~ where when they use it another person feels what 'it' feels. Like one of the characters is dating the reader, when one of their friends gifts her a box. On it, is has engraved drawings of the male and female sex parts.
Reader is shocked and blushing at the gift, asking why she would need this. Her friend is quick to point out her complaining she doesn't see her partner enough since they've been busy the past couple weeks, not giving them a chance for quality time together.
It's a few days later, the box is semi-forgotten about. Reader and their partner are cuddling in one of their rooms. They talk, laugh, flirt; Next thing you know they're getting frisky. Whispering how they've missed each other, how they longed to touch one another.
Reader is about to start grasping at their clothes when they get interrupted by their partner's friend, leaving both of them exasperated. They tell her they've gotta go, but promise to make it up to her when they get the chance.
Leaving the room with the Reader frustrated and worked up, she decides to take matters into her own hands and tries to relieve some of her needs on her own.
After almost half an hour, she realizes she's too worked up and needs something more..something besides her hands. But the person with that something more isn't here.
Her mind wanders a bit, remembering the gift from her friend. She starts looking around the room, eventually finding it hiding under the bed.
She finally opens the box, a bit curious to find out what's inside. When she does, all she sees is a cube made of the material used for what she was thinking was in the box.
She takes the item out, noticing a bit of writing on the inside of the box. Confused she reads the vauge chant aloud, thinking nothing happened.
As she looks at it disappointingly, she begins to picture her partner. The way they feel, look, and picture their member in detail.
As she thinks of reaching to put it back in the box, it starts to move, morphing and shaping itself differently. She's scared as fuck when it happens, but after it's done transforming sees that it looks...like their partner's sex member!?
Everything in the past few moments replays in their mind, coming to the conclusion the chant allows the material to change into whatever they pictured.
A little weird but, she doesn't feel like questioning the magical item, as her mind is slowly being consumed by her lustful thoughts.
As she starts to touch it, she notices it has a bit of warmth, and movement. She continues, seeing it reacting and becoming a bit stiff.
Meanwhile, a Pov to their partner surrounded by some of their classmates and still a bit salty they aren't with you right now. They are oblivious of the slight tingle they feel when all of a sudden are feeling force on their crotch.
They get red in the face, not knowing what was happening. Trying their best to not make faces while struggling to pay attention.
As they start to grow more aroused, they quickly decide to excuse themselves and run to the nearest closet to hide.
Back to the Reader, she finally managed to get it to stand proud and didn't waste any time, placing it gently between her folds. She was surprised at how it felt, the subtle movements it gave as she thrusted it inside her.
It didn't take long for her to start feeling that pleasurable knot start to form. And as she grew closer to her release she could have sworn she felt it twitch when reaching her high.
Laying back and taking shaky breaths, she relaxed into the bed. Not failing to notice the object transforming back to its original form.
Yeahh.. she has a few questions for her friend.
After a few moments, she started cleaning up when she heard footsteps coming towards her door.
She looked up and saw her disheveled partner, messy hair, slightly flushed face and heavy breathing. About to ask what happened, she didn't take long to realize they might have been affected by her little trinket.
So yeah, that's the idea. If anyone is willing to keep it in mind and want to flesh it out in the future as their own, please be my guest(but tag me, i wanna read!). It can be any character, the reader could be the male and have a female partner or any which way. If you're wondering about the rules on how the object works, I'm thinking that the person experiencing its effects has to be okay with the one who's doing sexual acts to it, such as their partner. So it's not super non-con or unwillingness, just unexpected.
Thank you for your time, I appreciate you reading this desperate mess! 😩❤️
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paperweight-jellyfish · 5 months
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going to tryand do a weekly journal type thing for 2024. i forget a lot of stuff so this is my new years resolution ok here we go
1/7/24
been cleaning out my bedroom at my parents house over break. lots of old stuff there i’d forgotten about. found a bunch of old sketchbooks (which i sorted by year and put away) and it really put in perspective how long i’ve been drawing. i’ve got sketchbooks from before i had a tumblr in that pile (making them impossible to get an exact year on) kinda want to go back and redraw some realllly old stuff of mine. maybe something of eggs since i’ve been working on her story lately.
also in the Cleaning i have found a crochet project i completely forgot about. i made like 60% of a sweater two years ago (i hand dyed the wool and everything). luckily i still had the pattern downloaded so i just yesterday finished the arms. now all i gotta do is block it and add the ribbing and i’m done. its a nice wool, one that is actually cozy rather than being itchy so i’m excited.
done some mending also. fixed some rips in my dad’s pants with some sashiko. not my cleanest work but it holds it together and fixes the problem. he was really excited about it :)
got in the case for a keyboard i’m building. my first custom keyboard!! the switches are pre-lubed so i’m debating if i want to get some and re-do it or if i’m satisfied as is.
i’ve started recording cassettes!!! its super easy to do right from my laptop and i’ve been having lots of fun making the j cards. very happy that i bought that recorder its so cool. so far i’ve done some The Unicorns stuff and i plan on doing Burnout Beautiful next. probably the demos on the a side and the one live performance recording on youtube on the b side (maybe after that i should do mook?)
in that vein, i’ve also been editing lyrics on genius. i needed lyrics to put on the little insert i made but some lyrics are wrong and now i’ve made it a mission to transcribe. made it to 300 IQ this week. transcribing is fun if hard.
started a stardew valley co-op farm with gort. we played for like 5 hours straight yesterday and got almost all the way through spring. sal is making our farm so cute and its so nice to hang out and just work together. need to make this a regular thing. overall not a super eventful week but a nice one. very chill.
some goals for next weekish
block the sweater
try on all the clothes in my bedroom and decide what can stay and what can be donated
start the drawing my boyfriends commissioning me for
set up my capture card so i can stream ghost trick to gort
pick out an eggs drawing from my old sketchbooks to redraw
record burnout beautiful to cassette
start crossposting things from twitter. i refuse to abandon this blog even if my brain is awful at remembering to post
songofthe week
pics below cut because this is long enough as it is
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>eggs (from one of said sketchbooks)
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> sweater (pre-finishing off the arms)
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> mending on my dads jeans (ft. the INCREDIBLE scissors he got me for christmas. holy shit these things feels so good to cut with)
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> bespoke the unicorns cassette (it says volume 1 because i put multiple albums on there so i dont waste tape)
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> stardew valley fun (i’m the one in the straw hat)
> the keyboardddddd (i'm typing on it right now and WOW i love this thing already)
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chaewonplzbiteme · 1 year
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Three days...
First of all - thank you all a lot! To every reader, every reblogger, every liker, and last but not least, every follower! Thanks for the warm welcome.
Three days is a lot of time. Three revolutions of my home around the poles. My first proper work had a few cycles to traverse the globe and its time zones a few times, to gain impressions and arousing interest.
I'm giving you guys some of my thoughts and behind the scenes.
Publishing was not something I had in my mind when starting any of my two works so far. The 'Jessica x SinB' was rotting away in my drive, only recently have I dusted it off and posted it. 'Lazy Evaluation' was for shits and giggles - I could not stop after adding a joke and another joke. Well, gotta post somewhere at some point.
This blog was close to a start from zero. Two days before I posted 'Lazy Evaluation' - I was still writing the last paragraphs and did not even edit yet - I created the Tumblr and posted an old work of mine. Close to seven years old, I barely even remember how I wrote it. Just a horny night in front of MS Word. That's all I know. One like, one follower. Thank you, @cheezbot and @hasinum! You guys gave me a nice headstart~.
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Potential spoilers for 'Lazy Evaluation' follow.
I have started Lazy Evaluation on March 11, and finished it on March 31. Twenty days, multiple hours every day (and a LAN party) - a lot longer than a single night for 'Jessica x SinB'. But the journey was a lot of fun, and I experienced a lot of tingly feelings for JiU 😊.
5k words, 30k characters, 145 paragraphs.
This sentence started it all:
Her low hums guided your mouth between her mounds, but your tongue dictated the rhythm of her mellow purrs.
It got me fixated. It set the theme. Bi-directional love making. And the rest of the paragraph followed. Fucking long sentence after this one, lol. I wanted to expand upon this. I knew I needed a mommy with big decent boobs deserving of worship. I thought of Karina or Eunbi first, but I'm afraid I don't know them that well. I don't follow any of their content except for MVs and some stages. JiU is a long lasting love, though, uninterrupted since 2014. I dig every single breath of her. Whopping body. Mine. What a good fit.
How would they start? Help with homework, a frustrating one would suit well. No one understands Monads, countless tutorials and even more memes about the myriads of tutorials. We have our computer science topic. Lazy-by-default evaluation is another concept common from the Haskell programming language, just like Monads. Perfect for procrastination. The fact that lazy-by-default is actually uncommon for programming languages and other technologies, but the de-facto modus operandi for a non-negligible number of humans has been brought to you by the academia gang.
Tortoise and hare is a fable about the hare losing the race due to its own arrogance. Also a heuristic for cycle detection in computer science. Good fit, but better about a race towards the peak, a vicious cycle of pleasure and edging.
A massage would initiate the intercourse. Maybe a hand job before the 69. A cream pie would be delicious. Target is three cum shots - no less. How to transition between positions. Joke about forgotten protection - I doubt Minji would be that careless, add her getting a pack of condoms from her bag (did anyone notice?).
I was already making a lot of jokes, some in mathematics and computer science. I tried to incorporate some classic jokes, too. Not all of them verbatim. The cloud is just someone else’s computer.
Pure functions are side-effect free. A consequence of this property is we can achieve idempotence. A healthy penis also satisfies this property, though, as your boner clearly shows.
I combined the following with a silly 1 + 1 = 3 joke:
A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician sit in a sidewalk cafe, looking at the building across the road. Two people go into the building, then three people come out.   Physicist: "This must be a measuring error!"   Biologist: "This is proof of procreation!"   Mathematician: "If one more person goes into the building, it will be empty!" 
Maybe I am the only one laughing. Who cares. You see the result at the cream pie. The sum of all its parts is greater than the whole. I combined with that, too.
About the never-before-solved formula: I consider this to be quite surprising, when we look at the fact that there are more than eight billion humans in the world. It is possible that there has not been sufficient time to process the empirical evidence, given the exponential increase of the population in the last two hundred years – going from one billion to eight billion. I imagine that observing and examining such vast amounts of data to be very time-consuming. Also, not all results of examining the data have been made available to science, most notably by the method of pornographic content consumption.
Some general science and academia jokes. The academic paper structure for the final big joke. An exercise left for the reader. I nearly did a n=1 joke. Given the importance of our research question, I think it would be valuable to increase our sample size to ensure that our findings are robust and reliable. Sequel, anyone?
So much about volcanoes and mountains and hills and mounds and caves. I should have studied geology instead of computer science ;_;. (plot twist: I failed university)
I added one thing and didn't want it to go to waste, like the chocolate, so I added it to another part. Same with some other little details, like Minji's composure. That way I had a common thread (several, actually) running through the story.
Some smaller pop culture references to Lord of the Rings (VERY hard to spot), Attack on Titans, and of course Harry Potter (it's more than the movie title ;) the cum we lose in the chamber of secrets has a way to come back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect). I had given some thoughts about whether a potential reader should understand every reference I add, given that they also know the source media. My conclusion: No... I will giggle about my hidden jokes alone if I have to. Not everyone has to. Not everyone will. Even if they know the source media.
I also had some goals that I rarely see in male reader fics: "Minji needs to feel good, too." I had a big-ass note hovering over my draft all the time: "What's in it for Minji?" Add stuff about their antics. About what they love about each other.
They were obviously in an existing relationship. Some thoughts about how that came about (not really), how they lived, what their relationship was like before. I almost cried when I wrote the scene with the three words, some tears were already forming actually. It was not a conscious choice to place it that far back, but it did fit well.
A lot of things were a natural consequence, everything leads to the next thing. How do writers say? Have good characters, and the story will write itself. A good cause will lead to a good (and obvious) consequence. No idea if I have good characters, but it all worked out for me. It all feels natural. This is what counts. I'm happy with it.
Again, it was a lot of fun! The rush of adding things into the mixer and see it bloat into something beautiful is quite addicting. From the beginning I could not anticipate the end. It was quite a tremendous journey.
Sadly the following part did not make it - at least verbatim - I was unsatisfied of how much I was jumping from metaphor to metaphor, from one image to a completely different. Had to reduce.
Minji gulped down the snake all the way down, choking on it and feeling it throb at the back of her throat. The other end of the snake did not relent, however, and continued its attack, circling around her nub, unafraid of the secretions her cavern produced in defense, but now even more determined to continue.
I mean, where the fuck would a snake come from. So I changed it to the hare's tail. In hindsight, I maybe should have experimented with hare's paw / foot / whatever it is called in English. You know, the good luck charm.
So many messy thoughts.
Editing and revision makes everything perfect - or at the very least, better. Sometimes. Eventually. Maybe. Who knows? Perfectly fine.
---
Next up, the whopping numbers. These are far beyond the lowest expectations I would ever have for this work, especially given the niche nature of computer science and maths. I cannot say I had any doubts, since I did not expect anything in the first place. Until Tumblr started to summarize the followers for the day.
24h:
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72h:
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I cannot rationalize these numbers. I have no baseline to relate them to. I can only see: 'big' authors seem to have ~500-1000 notes on a work in days / weeks / months / years / decades. Very muddy numbers. No idea how Tumblr works, every author and every post has different numbers. And I have a fraction of that. In three rotations of the planet.
Thank.
You.
All.
Most of all.
Thank Minji.
Does it tell me it's any good? Who cares, I defined it as finished. I won't ever touch it again. A solution exists. I can go back to sleep.
Maybe it does tell me that some of you are nerds, though - and that I am not alone in being one. Uwu~.
Ok now I shall throw the stats into the bin. A surprise to be sure, a welcome one at that, too. But I intend to write for myself. More than incoherent dreams and thoughts. Ordered, sorted and well-thought out scenarios is a big step up for me. Not synthesized-up and randomized brainstorms. I have ChatGPT my brain for that.
Also rushing for stats make me sick, lol. I'm already engrossed enough with work and the sideways movement of the stock markets. I'm incapable of playing Rainbow Six due to the adrenaline.
---
I have started reading some fics again after those three weeks. And I notice. So. Many. Differences. To other people's work. It is actually a good thing. I don't have much moaning, no "I'm cumming". Way less dialogue, the only conscious difference I was aiming for. Lots of descriptions and images. Volcanoes and burning hot lava in mouths and vaginas, hahaha. Minji gets to be pleasured and cum. Heaven forbid no one think about her!
The world thrives on variety and diversity, so it is actually a good thing to show you guys another way to write smuts, albeit accidentally. Everyone brings something different to the table. We all love each other.
The world needs more breeding fics, especially of the fluffy and romantic variety.
---
Do I have something planned next? Maybe. No promises. How long it will take? Only heaven knows...
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Peace, out! ✌️
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mtnkat3 · 2 years
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10.34am
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Good morning all!
And happy Tuesday this beautiful autumn day!
Sorry for the tardiness!
I've gotta do some work on the whole falling asleep in my recliner thing! Then waking from the tv at almost 2am, then not being able to get back to sleep in my bed until almost 3am. Sigh. My neck & shoulders feel like a pretzel. Really hurts. So I've been playing catch up since my last ditch "get your ass up t its 9.30am!" Had me jumping up & running. Oh the pain!
I guess though I didn't wanna wake up because I was in a good dream state. I was hearing The Flame 🎶 by Cheap Trick again.
But has anyone ever woken from a dream from either a nap or actual sleep.. & remembered it completely? I do this.
And the last Friday one still sticks with me.
I wrote it out. My diary/journal is full of such. They get really long too.
But this one.. I don't know if it's real.. God talking to me. I usually feel it is though. But I pray with my entire being it is!
Or if it's just fantasy.. chewing my lip.
I only know.. I'm hearing that song in my head.. & I'm teary. Because I know.. I love the one meant for me. I just wanna wrap myself around him & show him all the love in my soul! I so wanna give, & get, bear hugs! Squeeze me..
But I also have to think about being a good & sincere woman & getting my life right.
I am scared to death of being toxic to people! Of being felt that my word isn't sincere. That I don't mean nor do what I say. It really terrifies me!
Because my issues with insecurities are deep seated, evidently mom screwed me here.
I want to always treat people better than I have been treated! Because I know that hurt!
I have to make amends. And it to be truly felt.
I knew somehow this mornings post was gonna be difficult. Sigh. I only get on tumblr to post these, then look around a bit. I haven't been liking but infrequently. But one I stumbled on is really affecting me. Which is also telling me that I have work to do still.
My counseling is going well. I am getting help. Understanding that I have a lot of abuse in my life. But that I don't wanna use that as an excuse. Nor do I wanna be like that either!
Mom & wh have done enough damage! I don't want to be toxic, nor abusive, nor judgmental to others the way I have been treated. Actually makes my guts as much a pretzel as my neck & shoulders feel today!
Fighting to be me, to be a good woman, & person. To treat others with dignity & respect. To not become what I'm constantly exposed to.. it's a daily war zone.
Maybe why I hit the wall the way I did, because I just couldn't cope anymore. There was just too much on me to deal with.
All I know as I write this.. look at my cat that really needs me to get us out!.. & then outside at the leaves changing & the breeze thru the trees..
I've got hard work to do!
On me.
On packing up my life.
I just know this.. I have to give wh until 11.15.2022 then ... he runs aground.
This also makes me think about my work & my priorities. As the song is just .. strong.. I am listening.
I think about why I have fought for a decade to get away from wh. Why I moved 300+ miles from all the family & people I knew. God knows.. I needed to be away & find a safe place.
I don't have one.
I am determined to get my life back.
And to help others struggling with such too. It's why I write this very personal stuff.
That & I am certain my soul's mates . My helpmate. Is it out there.. reading my words, thoughts, feelings. But also feels my soul's anguish too. He knows me. Maybe even better than I do myself.
I really so pray that what I saw.. have written like my soul's connection just poured out thru my fingers.. that it is real.
That I love him.. & am loved in return. That we will make it over all the hurdles. Together.
God I feel shows me such beautiful things to strengthen me. To give me hope, motivation. To fight. To focus. To get my butt moving!
All I know... he is out there.. somewhere.. & God smiles on me every time I am given such a glimpse beyond the veil. It fuels my soul.
I look forward to the day I am in his arms.. I look in his eyes.. & he is my #1 priority.
Well God then..
My priorities..
God.. my soul's mates .. family.. friends..
world.
I give it to God.
Because He alone can Guide me, Teach me. Mold me.. to be on the righteous path.. the one that leads me to my loves arms.. that I never will feel alone again. I will be loved, protected, cherished,.. wanted. Safe.
Just as I feel for him.
In God's Hands. Plans. Time.
I work as I await.
Because I believe.
~True love never dies & true love always waits.~
Wherever.. whomever.. you are.. I love you as a soul's mate. Treasured. Priceless. Infinitely.
With every ounce of my blood, sweat, & tears of effort. My soul's mate is my universe.
Now back to work. Because I am not giving up. Ever.
Lord, I am Your daughter.
Listening closely, patiently, bowed, humbled & carefully watching my steps..
~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. 🌺
👩🤓🙏🙇‍♀️☔💡🌂🔗⛓🧰⚙⚒🛠⚔⚖🗽🦅🕊🐯🐾🐐🦉🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌹🌻🌷🌳🧶🧵 ⌚⏳🚀⚡🌠🗝🔱⚜💝🧩♠️♾🌎🎯🧭🕯🎶💋 🥧🍁🧣🥾🥤🍯🍼☕🍫🍎🍑🍒🍋
Tu.10.18.2022 11.53am est.
[Sigh. Interruptions.]
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dawnowar · 5 months
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Feeling good
I don't know if I'll remember to do it, but I have found out today that theres a way to cross post from instagram that doesnt take too many more clicks than not cross-posting so I'm gonna try and keep my tumblr up. From the day I first found tumblr in the very beginning, I have always preferred this as a format than any other way to post my stuff online.
No one looks at it but not only is that fine, it keeps me very unguarded here since I don't have to worry about which assholes on my friends list are gonna argue about things I say here or who is going to see my opinion about them or whatever so I've been using it as a place to vent.
Anyway I just got back from my 2nd workout of 2024 and I'm just logging here that my fitness level is much higher than it usually is when I start my January diet. Probably because I just did 17 classes in like 21 days to get my 2023 shirt before the end of the year.
It's good. I'm also a lot flabbier than i usually am this time of year but i feel like its very realistic to think that by Valentines Day i'll be considerably less flabby.
I always do January diet and exercise till Valentines day when i begin celebrating my birthday for way too long. Till im sick of it and then i go back to being normal, meaning some balance of eating and exercising till the holidays when it all goes out the window.
I got sick back in October and then again and again and again 5x till i just gave up and was like ill go back on a diet in Jan. Theres no way to be sick and on a diet. anyway i've been eating whatever for so long im flabby as i was before i got serious and took it off last summer so I gotta do it again. Which sucks but I also feel like I know how and I'll do it.
So i just cross-posted most of 2023 over here and had to take the time to look at everything i did all year.
It's a scrapbook really. I think tumblr started out with that premise. That you should use it as your scrapbook. Ive always seen it that way. its just a public-facing scrapbook.
Only things I really left out were some failed relationships. I started or tried to start or meant to start and i think ultimately all of them, even though they were all completely different, failed because I just wanted to do my own thing. I think I've been on my own a long time, and as much as I'd like someone to fall in love with and live happily ever after with, i also have my own agenda and its hard, after so many years to coordinate time and spending money for other people.
And again, I spent all this time on diet and exercise only to have to do it over again now... but romantic dates = eating for some reason and I'm so stressed out spending time and money on meals. I like company but I need to save money and exercise and this is my priority now.
I do girly exercise so its not like i can exercise with a date and its too damn cold to go for walks or whatever. I hate gyms and i dont think theyre a good place to get to know each other anyway.
I just logistically can't make it work.
Oh im sure there are other reasons I'm not trying to publish that things didnt work out with any of these guys but it really is just so much easier and less stressful to not try to date and to eat right and exercise.
So thats what ive been doing and thats what i intend to do for January and into the first two weeks of February and then i guess maybe ill reevaluate.
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haysprite · 1 year
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Hi sillies, just wanted to give a quick update on some things >:3 This is gonna be long, you don't have to read it ofc, but there's some important stuff!
I'm gonna finally set up the lil Legion Q&A sometime next week on one of my days off! Doodling has been v nice and I think this'll be a lot of fun to do, cause it allows me to both doodle and answer some silly questions about my Legion interpretation ! I'm just gonna have it stay on this blog just for my sake (having a separate blog would stress me out a bit lmao, and I don't like having my work in separate spaces aside from Insta), so you'll have to clarify stuff in your Asks, but I think it'll be a lot of fun!
Also I've really enjoyed reading all your Asks n whatnot! Due to work, answering em is gonna be a lot slower than usual unfortunately, since I prefer to type on my laptop which I v much cannot have at work, which you've probably already noticed. I'm slowly but surely catchin up tho, and would still love for you guys to talk about your silly things! I also hope you guys know that even if I don't agree with your headcanons/theories n whatnot, I still enjoy reading em and they always get me thinkin as well, allowing me to give my own personal take on em, so please don't ever hesitate to talk about whatever! This is a safe space to share your ideas and I love that you even wanna bring em up to me in the first place <3
Something that I'm gonna clarify now that even when the comic comes out, my *personal* interpretation will stay the same except for whatever I pick and chose from the comic's canon! I'm v excited for it, esp after reading the quick blurbs and seeing a page from it, and can't wait to see what they do with these funky lil guys, BUT I still really enjoy my version of em, so I'm gonna stick to what I'm doing now :3 I doubt anyone really cares about this, but yknow dslkfjlfkdsj its something I'm a wee bit insecure about so I just wanted to point that out now. Also I dunno if I'll ever draw the comic designs? They've grown on me the more I've seen em, but I've grown too attached to my own lmfao, maybe in a lil drawing challenge I will tho idk :3
Speaking of the comic, I will most definitely be reviewing it !!! I'm gonna post live reactions on Twitter (spoiled, ofc), and then save my final thoughts for Tumblr since I can go more in depth here ! I also would love to redraw some of the panels with my designs as well since I think that'd be funny! I'm also gonna review the Legion Mystery Box that dropped yesterday, cause I bought that thing IMMEDIETLY so I wouldn't miss out on it !!!
I also really wanna start writing some fanfics! I've been talking about this for a while, but I'm hopefully gonna start sometime over the weekend inbetween my shifts! Dunno if they'll be good, but at this point I just gotta stop worrying about that and remember that my work is for me first, and then for some reason a few of you dorks like it as well! They'll probs just be oneshots to start out since I'm v out of practice and wanna figure out how I wanna write these guys, but maybe I could start a fic in the future idk!
Art is gonna become a lot slower unfortunately, I'm workin 40-50 hour weeks now, but I'm still gonna try and get somethin out for y'all at least once a week, since I really do love drawing! I have so many ideas that I'm just itching to draw and share with you folk! I'm still always up for art or doodle ideas/requests as well, though they might take a hot while to finally get to!
Just wanna mention that I'm a lot more active on Twitter, where I just talk about whatever, share game clips, and interact with folks the most! Feel free to check it out if you'd like :3
Just wanted to thank you guys for all your support on my work, I really appreciate it! It helps motivate me a lot to keep at it on top of my desire to show my love to my favorite characters and franchises, and I love that I can share my ideas and artwork with you all! <3
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entomjinx · 1 year
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No worries. Tumblr has its own quirks and moods. Nothing we can do about it.
Sometimes it really is just awkward.
But yeah, we talked on/off (timezones, heh, even though you were sometimes up early/late - always hard to tell xD). And, idk, I thought I had gathered some strength after the trauma and all that crap. Fun times. So I took the gamble. In a way, why am I still messaging like this? But at the same time, idk.
One Piece is one of those mangas I will complete one day. I'm still very behind even though my ship is there since the beginning. 😂 and it's just so engaging! But at the same time I feel like I wouldn't be able to write fic for it. I guess I'm easily scared lol
Oh, I'm still stuck in gratsu. OTP and all that. I get the bunnies but writing sure has gotten super difficult. And then I catch another handful of bunnies before having finished one story and it's a lot of wips. Doesn't help that I'm feeling so bummed about my writing and that RL stuff has been bad. Gotta love a writing crisis. Which, btw, better not go your way. Just time and spoons for you.
Tumblr will always be just one step to the left of fully functioning, and that's how we like it here I suppose.
Sometimes messaging and replying though anon is easier. It a way to be slightly detached and not too invested, while still going out of your comfort zone to talk to the people you want to, especially after everything that happened in that server... At least, that's how it makes sense to me. Should you ever decide to just outright message me, I'd answer the second I saw it, but for now, if this is what you're comfy with, keep doing it!
Also sorry it keeps taking me so long to respond. College is very hectic at the moment. (also this got long oops)
One Piece is super engaging! the latest chapters are absolutely wild, especially the one this week. Holy shit. I have been more anxious writing for One Piece than I was for Fairy Tail, but the fandom is genuinly a much nicer and kinder space so far. I didn't fully realize how awful the FT fandom had treated me until I posted my first OP work... The difference is staggering. And most people I've spoken to have been much less insistant on only focusing on what's "canon." It's been wonderful so far.
That doesn't mean the FT fandom didn't leave such an impact on me that I'm not anxiously awaiting the switch up and rage to be sent my way, but I'm trying to tell myself that it's a set of irrational thoughts.
I still adore Gray/Natsu and I plan to finish some of the WIPs I have for them, as well as Phenomenon eventually, but I think most of the things I make outside of that will be kept to myself and close friends.
I have! so many plot bunnies! I finally came up with the idea to make a discord server where each channel is a plotline, and once I'd reached the limit for how many channels I could have in a category (per fandom) I have to finish something before I can make another one. It keeps me in check while also letting me keep a decently high number of ideas so that I don't get stuck with writers block.
I'm sorry stuff has been hectic in real life, and I hope things start to look up soon. Your writing has always been wonderful in my opinion, but I fully understand being bummed about it too. I can never really look at my own writing without feeling like it's missing something. Every artist is their own worst critic after all, so remember that others don't see what you think is missing, they see only the wonderful things you have created and shared.
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fa-headhoncho · 3 years
Text
Untitled TFATWS Fic: Part 1
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Bucky Barnes x Reader
Prompt/Background: After turning yourself in to the government following the events of CA:TWS, they lock you up for the crimes you committed during your time at Hydra. Spending years there until Captain America got you on parole during the blip to help fight Thanos. Now, after doing community service acts and helping the broken society, when they give the new Captain America the shield, you’re thrown back into a life you didn’t want.
Word Count: 1871 (ahaha, yea)
Reader: Female
Warning: parole officers might be triggering??? idk
Author’s Note: I’ve decided to end my 141 part Wattpad Sebastian Stan imagine book and post on Tumblr instead :’), a happy day. Also, I’M SORRY THAT I LIKE SLOW BURN SERIES OK? Schedule for this series is every Thursday. ALSO IF YOU HAVE TITLE IDEAS FOR THIS SERIES, LMK! PLEASE
Masterlist
Part 2  Part 3  Part 4
=====
The sound of your heels echoed throughout the dimly lit room as you make your way through the exhibit. The walls take you back in time, reading how Captain America came to be and all his past accomplishments. They even updated from the last time you were here, documenting the events on the Blip.
You didn’t even know where you were going, absently letting your emotions and feet lead to where it felt you needed to be.
“For a former spy, you’re not really good at sneaking up on someone.” Rhodes’ voice greets you once you open up the curtain to a different area. A small smile sneaks its way across your face seeing the two men in front of you.
“Bit out of practice.” You spit back, walking towards them. “It’s nice to see you again, Rhodie.” You open your arms out to him and he gladly takes the hug. “Hopefully life’s been treatin’ you well.”
“For the most part,” He chuckles out while pulling away from the embrace. You move on to the other man, him happily wrapping his arms around your waist as you wrap yours around his shoulders.
Sam lets out a breath into the crook of your neck before pulling back. “You doing okay?” You ask, looking at his face for any sign of emotion. He nods but there was something in his eye that told otherwise.
You open your mouth to push him for the real answer but Rhodes cuts you off, “Well, I have to get going. It was good seeing you, (Y/L/N), hopefully, we work together soon. Remember what I said, Sam.” With that, he leaves the room to leave you and Sam alone.
The room fills with silence as the two of you turn to the iconic suit and shield in front of you. You try to watch Sam from the corner of your eye but he just stands with his back straight and his eyes forward.
“You know, I’m sure Steve would understand.” You decide to say, clasping your hands in front of you. “I didn’t become as close as you did, but from my time with him during the Blip, he tried his best to help everyone. He had a lot of responsibilities and issues of his own along with having a whole country looking up to him... 
“It was a lot… he opened to me about it one night before… you know.” You admit which makes him finally look at you. “He told me what he was going to do and all I could do is support him… I asked him what he was going to do with the mantle and he said give it to you.” Turning your head, you make eye contact with him. “I asked him if he was sure.”
He lets out a snort at that, shaking his head at you. “Really gotta do me like that?” He wipes his hand across his face then stuffs his hand in his pockets as he turns to face you. “I thought we were having a nice bonding moment and then you had to drop me like that?”
You can’t help the giggle that escapes your lips at his whining. “I’m being serious, Sam, stop.” You hit him on the shoulder. “He said there was no doubt in his mind that you do what needed to be done with the shield. He trusted you and your judgment, Falcon.” You emphasize his hero name which he just rolls his eyes at you.
“Yea, I’m sure he did.” He smiles and then changes the subject, “How’s parole treatin’ ya, still got the collar on?” He gestures to your ankle causing you to lift your dress pant leg, flashing the electric bracelet around your ankle. He lets out a hearty chuckle at it. “Still can’t believe that they have you on a leash.”
“Price you gotta pay for freedom.” You shrug and drop the cloth. There’s a beat of silence between the two of you, both of you taking a glance back at the exhibit and the shield.
“Have you talked with Bucky recently?”
“No, I was going to ask you.” Your heart sinks at the realization. “We’ve been texting a bit but I haven’t seen him since I spent the weekend with him a couple of weeks ago.” You shyly admit and look down at your feet.
“Weekend, huh?”
“Shut it, Sam.” You knock your foot against his. “We didn’t do anything, he doesn’t like me like that. Plus, he wouldn’t even let me spend the night. I had to go to a hotel, he sleeps on the floor, Sam! I’m worried about him.” It took weeks for you to convince him to let you come over and you finally knew why when you step into his apartment. It made your heart sink, it looked like if a Hydra cell got a remodel. “He has two chairs and a tv.”
“Living modestly I see.” He snorts out, covering up whatever he was actually thinking. It’s now your turn to roll your eyes at him, frustrated that he isn’t willing to talk about this. “Hey, he’s still figuring stuff out, okay? He just got all his memories back and he’s still working on living with his past. You should know better than I do to give him time.” His tone is soft as he lightly scolds you. You hang your head at his words, knowing he’s right.
It took some time for you to come to terms with your past when you turned yourself in after Hydra and SHIELD fell. You took accountability for your actions during your years at Hydra and spent a few years in jail before Steve took action to help you get on parole. That didn’t mean you weren’t fully recovered.
“When are you joining me on the field, anyway?” Sam changes the topic noticing how you went silent and your eyes looked past him. “I could use you on some of my recon missions.” 
A large smile forms on your face at the mention of your parole. “A couple more check-ins and I’m good, I think.” You excitedly inform, “They actually want to talk to me about something, and then it’s the last three months. Saving the world made my good behavior skyrocket.”
“I’m sure it did.” He smiles, “Well, let me know what happens. I’m heading down to Louisiana soon and my sisters want to meet you. She heard about your work with the soup kitchens in New York and she wanted some insight.”
“Really? Give her my number, you know I’d be happy to talk with her. I’ve been thinking about trying to get my officer to convince the big guys to expand my tracking radar so I reach out more.” You start to ramble about the ideas you’ve been having for more community service actions. During the blip, Steve got you into volunteer work and it sparked something inside of you. He said it might give you a new purpose and he couldn’t have been more right.
The two of you spend the rest of the day together, catching up on everything that’s been going on. You didn’t realize how much you missed his snarky comments and banter until he smothered you in it, “making up for lost time”, he said. He continues the bullying by texting back and forth for the next few days.
It was nice to have a friend after everything that happened over the last few years. Steve and Nat were gone so the friendships you built up during the blip were just a memory now. Yea, Bucky and you were friends but it was a bit more complicated than that.
It’s a few weeks after that and they’ve already named some prick the new Captain America. You were frustrated at Sam but you realized that he couldn’t have known that this was going to happen. Especially since when you reached out to him and he was more furious than you were. Bucky was a whole other story. When the press conference aired, he immediately called you and went off about Sam. You couldn’t offer answers so you just told him to talk to him about it. This didn’t involve you.
Now, you were sat at some random government office in DC. You were beyond nervous, leg bouncing and fingers tapping. Kevin, your sweet parole officer, had called you in for an emergency meeting. He didn’t mention anything about the content of it but he assured you not to worry. It didn’t help, though, your mind was scrambling trying to think of anything you could’ve done to break your parole or anywhere you could’ve gone that went outside your tracking radar.
“(Y/L/N)?” The familiar voice echoes through the lobby makes your head snap up. Kevin, your knight in a cashmere sweater, stands there with his hands in his pants pockets. He nods his head, gesturing for you to follow him.
He leads you down a long hallway, stopping at the end of it and holding the door open for you. You send him a grateful smile before entering the office. It was very different from his usual office. The tall windows lined the wall from floor to ceiling, making the already large room feel even more spacious. It was a bit unsettling compared to his close-knit office space located in an old house on the outskirts of DC.
Kevin moves you two to the large conference table on the other side of the room, having you sit before he does. He takes the chair at the head of the table, sighing as he opens the folder and takes a few papers out.
“Sign these.” He slides them over to you but you furrow your eyebrows in response.
“What’s going on?”
“You’re being released.” He announces, leaning back in his chair with a tight-lipped smile on his face. Your jaw drops and your heart picks up but you can’t help but question it. You quickly compose yourself and look down at the papers.
“Isn’t it a bit too early?” You ask while briefly scanning the papers. “I still have two months left, not that I’m not grateful but where is this coming from?” This was happening too suddenly, Kevin was good with warning you about the activities that go on behind the scenes of your parole and he didn’t even mention the thought of an early release.
The brunette man lets out a sigh, running his hair through his long hair. He then leans his elbows on the table with his head propped up on his palms, he opens his mouth to answer but is cut off by the office door opening.
The new Captain America and his sidekick come waltzing in, a few of his goons following as well. He didn’t need the uniform or shield for you to recognize him since his face has been plastered on every channel since they came forward with him. He’s all everyone could talk about.
“He released you.” You barely hear Kevin as your mind goes into spirals. What the hell did this guy want? Why is he even here? What the hell did he want with you?
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fanficimagery · 4 years
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Friends in High Places
Summary: When Spencer comes home with files to a case that has his team stumped, he's surprised when you- his neighbor for a couple years now- is the person who gives them a new lead to follow. That and that you're ex-SHIELD.
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Words: 8K Warnings: This is what I get for starting a rewatch of Criminal Minds and then watching Marvel movies all in one day. Fml. I've never written for Criminal Minds, so please excuse the mediocre-ness of their characterization. I have no idea what I'm doing; I just knew I wanted a crossover between these two fandoms. Also timeline? What are those? All you gotta know is that this is an AU where Bucky's joined the team and Steve DIDN'T ruin the life Peggy Carter would have had. As for the CM side, this is sometime after Hotch has left and Emily took over. Idk.
Having the night off and wanting nothing more than to just be lazy, you're sitting on your couch in your most comfiest clothes and mindlessly scrolling through Tumblr as your TV plays some program on Animal Planet. You're not even paying attention to the program, but the low sound is perfect for background noise.
You're queuing up some art posts that catch your attention, as well as some gif sets of the TV shows you've become a constant viewer of in the past few years, when there's a knock at your door. But not just any knock. It's a specific knock that you and your neighbor came up with after you got to know each other and became fast friends, and it was to let the other know they were home and wanted company. You mostly worked nights and his work schedule was always all over the place, so it's surprising you're both home at the same time.
Picking up your phone, you shoot him a quick text that you'll be over in five.
Spencer Reid is literally the man of every woman's dream, even if they didn't know it. He's cute and adorable and sometimes dangerously hot all rolled into one, and the best thing about it all is that he doesn't even know it. You had met him on one of your first few days in the apartment complex, but unfortunately it was during one of your slight panic attacks when a thunderstorm had caught you off guard while you were sitting in your car and you didn't have an umbrella.
He had seen and heard you freaking out as he was passing by, and knocked on the passenger window. You had collected yourself just long enough to roll the window down a few inches when he asked if you were okay, then proceeded to answer his own question by stating you obviously weren't. When he realized you lived in the same complex and asked if he could climb inside your car and out of the storm, you had stared at him in confusion until he realized that might have been a bit weird since you were strangers. He stammered his way through his explanation of being an FBI agent and after showing you his badge you had let him in.
You didn't have to tell him what was making you panic and he proceeded to keep your mind occupied. He asked about you and where you had moved in from, and spewed random facts about anything to temporarily make you forget about the storm raging outside. But the torrential rain wasn't letting up and the lightning was only getting closer and closer. He made you realize you had to make a run for it and even offered up his umbrella for you. You had thanked him with tears in your eyes and made a run for it on the count of three when you were settled just enough.
Inside the lobby of your apartment building, you had stood there trembling while Spencer nervously gripped onto the strap of his messenger bag as he stood across from you. When you were shaking the water off his umbrella, you hesitantly told him your reasoning for your freak-out. It wasn't necessarily the thunderstorm, but rather the torrential rain that wasn't letting up. A few years back you had a drowning incident and too much water on your face tended to bring back those memories. He said he understood and then with a sympathy tinged smile he offered to walk you to your apartment. It was a pleasant surprise to learn you had only lived two doors down from him.
Weeks turned into months and months into a couple of years, and you and Spencer were nearly inseparable when you both had the same day/night off.
So after quickly fixing your already messy hair so you don't look like a complete slob, and pulling on a loose hoodie, you grab your phone from the sofa and then head on out. Your socked feet keep your footsteps quiet as you head down to Spencer's door where you knock three times on it before opening it up and stepping inside.
But before you can greet him with a cheesy welcome, he's already calling out, "Hope you haven't had dinner. I picked up some burgers on the way home."
On cue, your stomach grumbles. "God bless you, you beautiful, beautiful man!" You hear him laugh from a room that's not where his kitchen is, so you make a beeline for the kitchen instead of accidentally walking in on him changing. There are two paper bags on the table and you quickly grab plates from his cabinet to separate the food on. Spencer enters the kitchen in a shirt and some gray joggers, and you greet him with a beaming smile. "You're home and in one piece! Yay!" He laughs and you quickly lean in to peck his cheek, not saying a word when you catch sight of his pink tinged cheeks. "You have any beer?"
"Yes. Grab two, please."
"Got it." You hear one of his kitchen chairs creak as you open his refrigerator to grab two beers, you then searching a nearby drawer for the bottle opener. Once you find it, you walk back over to the table and open each beer before handing one over to him.
"Thanks."
"Mhm." Taking a seat, you set your beer down before unwrapping your burger and dumping your fries out onto the plate. "So what's up, doc? You're home surprisingly early."
"We've hit a wall on our latest case," he says, keeping it vague. "There was nothing for us to do while Garcia did her thing, so Emily sent us home for a bit."
"Nice." You take a bite of your burger and your eyes widen when Spencer's eyebrows raise in surprise. When you realize how your words sounded, you're quick to backtrack. "Wait! It's not nice that you hit a wall, but nice that you got sent home! I got free food out of it. That's why it's nice. Not because, you know, you haven't found the-"
"Y/N, you're rambling," Spencer says, lips twitching. "I understood what you meant."
You sigh, shoulders dropping, and grab half a fry to toss at him. "Eat your food, Reid. It's getting cold."
It surprisingly doesn't take long for the two of you to eat your dinner, you both being hungrier than you first thought. After you're done, Spencer turns down a second beer but tells you to help yourself. You do. And on the way into his living room, you bump into one of his chairs and knock his bag over. You gasp and set your beer down on the coffee table, falling to your knees to scoop up his files that had spilled out.
Chuckling, Spencer crouches next to you as you profusely apologize.
"It's okay. It was an accident." A few pictures had slid out of their files and normally you'd just shove them back in because his work wasn't any of your business, but the face staring back up at you makes you pause. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a little heavy on the eyeliner, and a lip piercing. You know her. "Y/N?" You gulp and flip to another picture- brown hair, brown eyes, mole above the right eyebrow. You know her too. "Y/N? Are you okay?"
With trembling hands, you flip back to the first picture and show it to him. "Is Lilian dead?"
Spencer's eyes widen. "You knew her?"
Knew. Past tense. She is dead. Showing him the second picture, you nod sadly. "Kyndall too."
He seems to stop breathing then and from one moment to the next he's opening files and pulling out picture after picture. As you stare at each of them, you grimace and swallow down the bile that's threatening to climb its way up your throat. "Y/N, do you know any of the others?"
Shakily exhaling, you point at each picture. "Desiree, Celeste, Maria. I don't know this one, but I think her last name was Valdez? And then the male is Tim."
Spencer falls on his butt, staring at you in surprise. "That's right. We know their names and their current line of work, but that's about it. Their files only seem to go back a few years. Everything between the end of their high school career and current line of work seems to be scrubbed clean. Do you- do you know of any connection between these people? Any little thing you know can possibly be a big help to my team."
Your gaze darts up to him and your heart sinks. You've managed to keep your past mostly hidden, but now it seems the time has come to tell him what you did before. "They, uh, they're all ex-agents of SHIELD. The real SHIELD, not HYDRA."
"What?"
"If I remember correctly, they were computer analysts or paper pushers. They had gun training as one would think an agent would have, but they were agents who didn't really have to train in hand-to-hand since they never made it out into the field."
"You're positive? How do you know this?"
You gulp. "Because I'm ex-SHIELD too."
Spencer blinks at you, but then in the next moment he's up on his feet and reaching for his phone. He places a quick phone call, stepping into another room and leaving you alone. Your stomach sinks and you have a feeling that this confession might have just put a wedge in your friendship. After all, though ex-agents were being picked up by other different branches of the government, you weren't sure just how exactly trustworthy all ex-agents were being treated.
Spencer reappears, nervously tucking his hair behind his ear. "Do you mind coming with me back to work? My co-workers could really pick your brain about this."
You blink at him. "W-What? You're not mad at me?"
"Mad?" He chuckles. "Why would I be mad? I mean I wish I had known what you did so I didn't have to worry about you being alone when I left for a case, but I can see why you would keep that underwraps. HYDRA made a lot of people paranoid."
"Tell me about it," you mumble. Then after a few seconds, you finally climb up to your own two feet. "Um, just let me go put on some shoes. I'll meet you in the hall."
Spencer's smile and nod eases some of your worries, but you still quickly make an escape to go put on some shoes. Your front door bangs open and you hurry to your hall closet. Yanking open that door, you pull on the first pair of Converse you come across. Then taking a moment to think, you grab a pair of knee high boots that you use every once in a while. Reaching inside, you grab your old badge and a USB stick, sticking your badge in your back pocket and the USB in your front pocket. Then grabbing your keys from the hook by the front door, you shut the door after exiting and lock it. Spencer is waiting down the hall for you and you jog towards him. He tightly smiles and then leads you downstairs, towards his car, and you sit quietly in his passenger seat while he drives.
On the way towards Spencer's place of work, he can't help but ask, "So what exactly did you do with SHIELD if you don't mind me asking."
You shrug. "Cat's out of the bag now, so I don't mind." You chuckle though it kind of falls flat. "I was, uh, a computer analyst for a while. But then I was taken on a field trip with a few agents and we ended up trading bullets with several not so nice guys. The field agents liked the way I handled myself and requested I level up, so to speak."
"And you never thought of trying to get hired on with anyone else? If I recall, the FBI and CIA were picking up ex-SHIELD agents after the fall."
You shake your head. "Remember that drowning incident I mentioned? Or the reason why I can't take baths anymore and have to turn my shower on and off between washing?" Spencer hums, remembering what he thought were odd quirks until he realized it was all because of your fear of certain amounts of water. "That drowning incident was HYDRA's fault. I spent months in rehab and just- well, no one wanted a damaged agent."
"If it makes you feel any better, I'm kind of glad they didn't. I quite like my neighbor who picks up take-out and bakes sweets for me after a rough case."
You try not to think too much about his words and instead choose to smile at him before looking out your window. The drive is only about twenty minutes and fortunately the radio fills in the semi-tense silence.
When you get to the FBI building, Spencer escorts you inside with a hand at the small of your back. You're given a visitor's badge and you quickly clip it onto the hem of your hoodie. The elevator ride up to the BAU's main floor is a short one and it opens up to a wall of glass where you can see several desks behind it.
Spencer opens the door for you and you can't help but make yourself seem as small as possible. You cross your arms over your chest, hugging yourself as you enter the room. There are several people milling about, but no one pays you any attention. Only one female, dark bangs covering her forehead while the rest of her hair falls just passed her shoulders, heads towards you once she spots you and Spencer.
"Y/N," Spencer says, introducing you to the woman as she nears, "this is our Unit Chief Emily Prentiss. Emily, this is my good friend Y/N Y/L/N."
Emily is all smiles as she reaches to shake your hand. "Hi! It's nice to finally meet the girl who takes care of our boy wonder after cases."
Spencer nervously chuckles and you find yourself genuinely grinning. "It's nice to finally meet you too. I've heard some funny stories about all you guys."
"I will neither confirm nor deny any of those."
Emily then leads you towards a room where three others are waiting. "Guys, this is Y/N Y/L/N. Friend of Spence and ex-agent of SHIELD. Y/N, this is Special Agent Derek Morgan and Jennifer Jareau, and our very own technical analyst Penelope Garcia."
Everyone happily greets you and Jennifer even gives you the go ahead to call her JJ. You're offered a seat at their round table and you glance at their board filled with pictures of people you used to work with. Spencer sits next to you and you offer him a feeble smile when he reaches beneath the table to squeeze your knee.
"Alright, guys, I know we're all interested in the girl who lives next to Spence, but we need to get down to business." Spencer groans as his teammates all chuckle. "So Y/N, is there anything else you can give us about the victims? What exactly did they do? Did they all personally know each other or just enough because they were coworkers? Even the smallest bit of info that you think is inconsequential can help us."
"I, uh, I can do you one better," you say. You shift in your seat and reach into your front pocket, pulling out the USB stick. "Since I figure all those NDA's we signed are now null and void thanks to Agent Romanoff's data dump, and because you're Spencer's friend, I feel comfortable handing this over. It kind of made me nervous keeping it in my house anyway."
You slide the USB towards Penelope and she gasps, snatching it up and holding it as if it were the holy grail. "Is this- are these files? Because let me tell you, I tried to download those files as soon as they hit the net but there were just so many and not even our WiFi could download it fast enough before they were scrubbed clean."
You grin and nod, chuckling at Penelope's squeal. "I started collecting everyone's files that I could get my hands on. I started with the baby agents- agents whose files wouldn't toss up red flags when their files were opened. The more clearance I was granted, the more files I was able to download."
"Oh my god. Yes! You are my new favorite person." Penelope rushes around the table, bending down to kiss your cheek with a loud mwah! "Reid, keep this one. I'll be in my lair."
The group all chuckle as you blush, but then Agent Morgan is clearing his throat. "Not that I'm not grateful about what you're giving up, but isn't what you were doing illegal?"
You shrug. "It possibly was, but then Director Fury realized I was memorizing it all and didn't have a problem with it so long as those files didn't leave my office."
"But you have them on you now," Morgan says.
"Yeah. The USB was hidden within my belongings in my office. My office surprisingly survived unscathed after Captain Rogers crashed the helicarriers into the Potomac, and my stuff was packed up and shipped to me while I was in rehab."
"If you don't mind me asking," JJ wonders, "but were you at the Triskelion when HYDRA came out or..?"
"I don't mind the questions at all," you say. "It's actually quite nice to talk about it with people who aren't eyeing me suspiciously." The group flashes you small smiles. "I was actually on a consulting job with a recently formed SHIELD team whose base was a humongous plane that was constantly on the move. Anyway, one of those trusted team members ended up being HYDRA. He led a group of his men onto the plane, killed half of us to get control of it, and then locked me and two scientists into a holding pod before dropping us into the middle of the ocean."
"The drowning incident," Spencer suddenly realizes.
You smile sadly at him, nodding. "We sank to the bottom of the ocean floor. There were three of us and only one little oxygen tank." Spencer grabs your hand beneath the table and you're grateful for the grounding pressure. "We gave it to Jemma. Fitz and I were going to attempt to swim, but we didn't make it. Fitz blacked out first, then me, and then- then nothing. We woke up in a trusted SHIELD facility, and Fitz and I couldn't operate like we used to. With our brains having been deprived of oxygen, it messed us up for a while."
"Wow," Emily says. "I am so sorry."
You shrug at her with a small smile. "It was all part of the job."
"What do you do now?" Morgan asks. "I hate to say it, but with all our victims being ex-SHIELD, and you as well, we have to rule you out as-"
"I get it." You smile in reassurance at him since it kind of pained him to admit that you could be a suspect and have Spencer glare at him for even thinking it. "I'm a bouncer at a bar most nights."
Morgan chuckles. "A bouncer? You!?"
"Hey! I might not look like much, but I did train with Avengers. I could probably give you a run for your money, agent Morgan."
"Okay, okay," he muses.
"I also work as private security for Stark Industries when they throw galas. If you need the exact dates I've been working, I can get that for you."
"Please," JJ says. "Spencer's already vouched for you, but protocol and all that. You understand."
"I do. I'll just- I'll text my bosses to email my clock-ins and clock-outs."
Pulling out your phone, you immediately text your boss at the bar and Pepper Potts. You keep the explanation vague as to why you need it, but assure them it's very much needed for a case the FBI is working on. They completely understand and you even have to make Pepper swear not to get Tony involved.
The emails come in not even ten minutes later and JJ happily takes your phone to run the dates with Penelope, promising to be quick about it. You remain in your seat, watching as Morgan and Emily walk towards the board and start tossing their thoughts back and forth over what they've learned so far.
Your hands are atop the table, thumbs chipping away the already chipped nail polish you have on. The second you raise your hand with the intent of chewing on your thumb nail, Spencer catches your hand. "You okay?" He quietly asks and you stare at him. He then lets your hand go as you pull them back into your lap.
"Yeah. Just getting kind of tired. And a bit anxious. Someone's targeting ex-SHIELD agents and I- well I'm one of those people."
"No one is going to hurt you, Y/N. I promise."
You feebly smile, not taking his words to heart because you know he can't actually keep that promise. He might want to, but you know better than to take these types of promises seriously in situations such as this.
JJ reappears, a bright smile in place as she hands you your phone. "I'm pretty sure Penelope programmed her number in there."
"That's fine." You chuckle. You lay your phone on the table, giving your attention back to Emily and Morgan who's now being joined by JJ.
"Guys, Garcia is having a ball right now. There's so much information she wasn't privy to before, but I'm not sure how any of it is going to help more than Y/N already has." Emily and Morgan look at JJ, waiting for her to explain. "We already know victims weren't the best at hand-to-hand, which the unsub clearly took advantage of. But we need to know what they were presently doing and if they were checking in with anyone because there are a lot of dead ex-agents. That's not a coincidence. Either someone who's ex-SHIELD or HYDRA is picking off ex-agents one by one, or someone who has a grudge against SHIELD found a list of ex-agents and is working their way down the list."
"Where do we even start?" Morgan asks, incredulous. "SHIELD technically doesn't exist anymore and those who are operating in the shadows are nearly impossible to track down thanks to the Avengers. None of them are exactly easy to get a hold of after General Ross made it his personal mission to bring in James Buchanan Barnes for crimes HYDRA made him commit. They like working on their own."
"We'd have to jump through a bunch of hoops just to get a face to face," Emily says, sighing. "If we're lucky they'll want in on the case since it's related to SHIELD."
"Um, actually.." You nervously raise your hand, calling all attention on you. "You can bypass all those hoops."
Emily stares at you, sitting on the edge of the table as she crosses her arms over her chest. "You still have connections, don't you?" At your sheepish grin, she huffs in amusement. Every other team member straightens with hope in their expressions.
"Agent Prentiss, I am the connection." As you pick up your phone once more, JJ and Morgan step closer to the table. You scroll through your contacts, finding the one you need and tapping on it. Then putting it on speaker, you try to soothe your nerves as the ringing through the speaker seems to make the atmosphere of the room become tense.
The ringing stops as the connection is made and then, "Well, well, well. If it isn't my second favorite human on God's green Earth." You roll your eyes at the charm oozing from him. "What kind of trouble are you in now, doll?"
Emily and JJ's eyes widen, and you shake your head in amusement. "Put your boyfriend on the line, Barnes. I'm calling in a favor."
"Are you calling to finally take us up on that offer of joining us for a night?"
Everyone in the room seems to freeze, although Morgan is highly enjoying where this seems to be going. You close your eyes, scrunching up your nose. You can't believe they just heard that. "Steve really needs to put a muzzle on you."
"Well if you're into that-"
"Bucky!" You bark. "You're on speaker." Morgan finally loses the battle with his laughter and you wish you can sink into your chair. Instead you have to settle for just insanely blushing and covering your face with one hand. "I'm currently with the BAU of the FBI. They have a case that they could use some help on."
"Oh." There's a beat of silence. "Christ, Y/N. You should have stopped me sooner. Stevie's gonna lecture me again. Hold on. I'll go get him."
The line goes silent and you nervously meet Spencer's gaze. He's the only one who doesn't seem as amused which is why you don't find Bucky's greeting as funny as you normally would. Something about his expression actually makes you wish Bucky hadn't said anything.
"Y/N?"
You sit a little straighter in your seat. "Hey, Cap."
"What's going on? Buck mentioned the FBI."
"Uh yeah. I'm with Agents Prentiss, Morgan, Jareau, and Doctor Reid," you tell him. "They've been dealing with a case that had gone cold and well I kind of made a connection they hadn't seen before because they couldn't, and uh I'm sure they could use your help."
"What was the connection?"
You look at Emily and she nods, letting you tell him. "Steve, all the victims are ex-SHIELD. Specifically agents who wouldn't have had too much training; who couldn't hold their own without a gun in hand."
There's a sharp inhale. "What do they need?"
Emily's eyes close in relief and she holds her hand out for your phone. You happily oblige her and hand it over. "Captain Rogers, this is Special Agent Emily Prentiss. I'm the one in charge of my team here."
"Hello, Agent Prentiss. How can my team and I be of help?"
"Well we mainly need to pick your brains and ask some questions. We're aware that SHIELD is still operating to an extent, even if it is in the shadows, so we'd like to know if the victims were still affiliated with you. If we're dealing with someone who is or was from SHIELD or HYDRA, we'd like to have you involved since you have more experience with how they operate."
"That's fine. I'll gather my team and set up a room. Are you okay to set up base here in the Compound?"
"Yes!" JJ says, starting everyone. She clears her throat and calms herself. "Yes."
Steve chuckles. "Very well. Gather everything you need. I'll be sending a quinjet for you all since it'll be faster. Y/N knows the pick-up location."
"Thank you so much, Captain Rogers."
Emily hands you the phone and seeing that the call is still connected, you say, "Hey, Steve? Thanks for this."
"It's not a problem, sweetheart. Are you okay though? You're an ex-shield agent yourself."
"I know, but nothing has been out of the ordinary. I'm okay."
"Good. You coming too?"
"I was actually planning on going home after driving the agents to the location. I'm not an active agent anymore, bub."
"I know you're not, but with that agent neighbor of yours coming here I rather have you here as well so we can keep an eye on you." You sigh at his protectiveness. "Bring a change of clothes for a week. I'll have Nat get a hold of your boss and let him know some of what's going on so you'll have a job to go back to once all of this is over."
"You're a pain in the ass, Rogers."
Steve laughs. "See you soon, Y/L/N."
The call ends and you set your phone down. Glancing up, you smile sheepishly at the team staring at you. "So, uh, I guess I'm tagging along. Sorry about that."
Emily opens her mouth, her words getting stuck as she shakes her head in amusement. "Don't be. You got us working with the Avengers within minutes as opposed to taking hours, possibly even a day if I had to put in a request."
Morgan whistles appreciatively. "This is insane. I'm gonna give Garcia a heads up about our field trip. Expect another tag a long. I don't think she'll pass up this opportunity."
You chuckle as JJ says, "Rossi is going to be so pissed he took a vacation and missed out on working with the Avengers." Then looking at you, she adds, "Do you think Spider-Man will be there? My son absolutely loves him and I would be the coolest mom ever if I got a picture or video with him."
"I'm sure Pe- uh, I'm sure Spider-Man will make an appearance," you say. "He's always hanging around after his classes are done for the day."
JJ's eyes widen. "You totally know who he is."
"I do. And let me tell you, he absolutely adores kids. Ask and he'll happily oblige."
"Guys. Guys!" Emily says. "Case first, fangirl later."
Spencer snorts and you elbow him on reflex. He grumbles, Emily and JJ grin, and you innocently smile at Emily. "Sorry, Agent Prentiss. I'll just- I'll go sit on that couch over there so I'm not in the way."
Emily starts telling her team what needs to be done, repeating herself again when Morgan returns with a clearly excited Garcia. Morgan informs everyone he'll go gather the boxes of files while Spencer immediately sets out to disassemble the board of pictures and post-its. Garcia excitedly rushes back to her own office to pack up a few things, while Emily and JJ figure out what all they'll need to be taking with them.
To keep yourself occupied, you waste a few minutes by playing a game on your phone.
You're not sure how much time has passed, but someone hesitantly sitting next to you takes your attention off your phone. Glancing up, you see Spencer sitting there and realize everyone else has cleared out of the room. "We should be ready to head out in about ten minutes."
"Oh. Okay."
There's a moment of silence and then, "Soo.. Bucky Barnes." He chuckles, running a hand through his hair, and you can tell his amusement isn't exactly genuine. "He's- he's not the type of person I pictured you with if I'm being honest."
"Barnes?" You snort. "Ew. No." Spencer seems surprised by your reply. "Bucky likes to flirt with me because he knows it won't go anywhere. He's well aware of the actual person I have a crush on and he respects that. Mostly."
"O-Oh? So there is someone in the picture then?"
"Well, not really," you say. Squirming in your seat, you're not totally comfortable with the direction this talk has taken until you see you're not the only one squirming. Spencer is avoiding eye contact, but he's also clearly awaiting your answer. There's also a telltale flush up the side of his neck to the tips of his ears, and- oh. Oh. Seeing how nervous Spencer suddenly is makes you feel better. So better, in fact, that you feel you should speak up about something that you've kept secret for a while. "Well I mean I'd like there to be," you say, grinning when he freezes. "The thing is, he actually lives down the hall from me." Cue him holding his breath. "He's totally adorable, but also secretly hot which is so unfair, and he works for the FBI." Spencer's head snaps in your direction, eyes wide. You smile sheepishly and shrug. "The only downfall is that he's way too good for someone like me, so I settled for friendship."
Your heart is beating terribly fast and the only thing keeping you glued to your seat is Spencer grinning bashfully, cheeks pink. "If you ask me, I don't think he's too good at all. I-If anything, he probably thinks you were too good for him which is why he never made his own feelings known."
Relief washes over you and you laugh. "We're idiots, huh?"
Lips pressed together, he smiles wide. Then, "A little."
"Rain check on this discussion? We've got Avengers to greet and you have a case to solve."
"Of course!" Spencer hastily stands, offering you a hand up. Grinning, you take it and let him pull you to your feet while shoving your phone into your back pocket. "Wherever we're going, is it okay to leave our vehicles there?"
"Yeah. It's private property and pretty secluded. No one gets in without codes."
"Okay then. We'll swing by our building for your bag and then you can direct one of the drivers while the other follows."
"Sure. Sounds like a plan."
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Because of the connection between the list of victims, you have an escort up to your apartment while you pack a bag. Emily and JJ happily accompany you, leaving Spencer to fend for himself with Morgan and Garcia.
In your apartment, the two female agents waste no time in subtly trying to figure out your exact feelings for their dear friend and you take great amusement in skirting around the answer they so desperately try to pry out of you. And it's only after your duffel is packed do you tell them you and Spencer had admitted some things to each other, but you are planning to talk about it further after their case is closed. JJ seems oddly giddy and Emily coos about their boy genius growing up. You blush, relieved that they've taken a to liking to you. Then when you get back to the vehicles, you know Spencer has been questioned as well given the smirks being sent your way.
The drive to the field isn't long and the team is impressed by the level of security for a seemingly abandoned airfield. There's an unmanned gate which you get off at to speak for voice recognition, punch in a specific code, give a hand print, and then secretly have your forefinger pricked for a blood sample. Then when the gate swings open, you quickly climb back into the car and instruct Emily towards the second gate where a guard sits. The guard greets you warmly and, after you introduce those in the vehicle with you, he assures you he knows all about the impending pick-up.
"So what exactly are we in for?" Morgan asks. You're all waiting in an opened hangar, the boxes they'd packed sitting on the ground.
"Your perceptions about them are about to be changed," you admit. "I'm sure you've all told yourselves that the Avengers are just like you and I, but you have no idea how true that it is until you meet them."
"Who is the nicest?" JJ wonders.
You take a moment to think about. "Honestly? They're all nice, but if I had to choose I'd choose Spider-Man. It's hard not to like him. The kid's a puppy."
"Who gives the best hugs?" Garcia quickly adds.
Everyone chuckles at her eagerness. "That's a tough one," you say. You ponder on it for a moment. "I say it's a tie between Steve and Thor. They hug full on, chest to chest. None of that half-assed, one arm hug nonsense."
Garcia practically swoons. "Oh to be wrapped up in those beefy Asgardian arms." You snort and shake your head in amusement.
Another twenty minutes pass and you regale Spencer and his friends about some of your work with SHIELD. But all too soon the telltale sound of a quinjet reaches your ears and when you look up you see one incoming.
"Well that was hella fast," Garcia muses when she spots the quinjet herself.
JJ grins. "Stark technology. Gotta love it."
Emily nods in agreement. "We definitely need an upgrade."
Whoever is flying the quinjet lands it with ease, and Spencer, Morgan, and JJ immediately pick up their boxes. Shouldering the strap of your duffel bag, you start heading towards the quinjet when the ramp is being lowered and the team follows a few steps behind.
Clint Barton walks off the ramp and you chuckle, hurrying your steps. Both your arms go around his neck and one of his arms wraps low around your waist. "Short stack," he says. "What trouble did you get into now?"
"Why does everyone assume I'm in trouble?" You pout as you pull back, pinching his cheek and cooing before stepping back out of range. "And what are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be on the farm with those precious little heathens?"
"I was, but Laura had leftovers for Nat and Wanda. I was just dropping them off when Steve rounded up the team."
"Oh nice." Then turning around, you gesture to the BAU team. "Clint, meet Special Agents Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau, Doctor Spencer Reid, and the brains of the beauty of the team Miss Penelope Garcia. Guys, meet Clint Barton formerly known as Hawkeye."
Everyone shakes hands, with the exception of Garcia who slaps his hand away and pulls him into a hug.
"Baby girl," Morgan laughs, "what are you doing?"
She squeezes a chuckling Clint before letting go, she then whirling on her own friend. "This is my first time meeting the Avengers. Do not take this from me!" Morgan's eyebrows raise in amusement, the whole team and Clint chuckling.
Then not wasting anymore time, Clint ushers everyone on board. He shows them where the boxes and your bag can be stowed before taking the pilot's seat up front, only to be joined by Morgan moments later in the co-pilot seat. You show Emily and Garcia how to buckle in, and then take your own seat between JJ and Spencer.
Clint counts down for lift off and you grip your harness as you feel the quinjet take flight. Spencer nudges you with his elbow and you glance at him, grinning to assure him you're okay. But when you can feel the quinjet picking up speed thanks to the feeling in your gut, you close your eyes and are thankful that no one brings up the fact that you're actually really nervous right now.
Your left hand is grabbed and gently pried from your grip on the harness, and your eyes fly open in surprise. You look towards your left and JJ smiles at you reassuringly as she squeezes your hand in comfort. Then when your right hand is grabbed and given the same treatment, you glance over at Spencer and can't help but blurt, "I-I've never been nervous about flying before."
"It's perfectly normal to subconsciously be nervous or anxious after we trudged up your past earlier," he says. "Just close your eyes and relax. We won't let anything happen to you."
You nod, smiling shakily and turn your head to rest it against the headrest of your seat. Then closing your eyes, you're grateful for the team not asking you anything for the duration of the ride. Instead, they save their questions for Clint who's all too happy to answer what he can.
You know the Compound's come into view when Morgan whistles in appreciation. Clint lands to quinjet with ease and then everyone's unbuckling themselves when he gives the go ahead. Before you can grab your bag, however, Spencer is grabbing it and beaming at you when you sigh with mock annoyance.
One by one the BAU team disembarks after Clint, leaving you and Spencer to bring up the rear. You hear Clint introducing everyone and notice everyone's congregated around in a circle. Then just as you and Spencer join, you notice that Garcia is petting Bucky's vibranium arm. You snort, catching an amused Steve's attention.
"Y/N," he greets.
"Steve." You step forward, briefly hugging him and then Bucky. As you step back in line, you gesture towards Spencer to introduce him. "This is Doctor Spencer Reid. Spence, this is Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes."
Steve leans in for a handshake, but then pauses mid-shake. "Wait. Spencer Reid? The Spencer Reid?" He grins. "Are you- are you and the agent neighbor one in the same?"
You sharply inhale, eyes widening when everyone turns to stare at your rapidly blushing face. Steve's grin turns rather teasing and your eyes narrow at him. "Two words; octopus dick." Steve's amusement vanishes, and everyone turns towards a now blushing Steve as Bucky guffaws. You turn your gaze on him next. "I don't know why you're laughing, dolphin boy."
Bucky immediately shuts up and Steve shakily grins before addressing the team. "Okay! Now that we've all been introduced, lets get inside before Y/N starts a war she can't finish."
Morgan and JJ are the only two to follow after Steve, Bucky, and Clint. Emily and Garcia remain with you and Spencer, and both females look to you with pleading eyes.
"Please tell me how four innocuous words got two supersoldiers to blush like that?" Garcia asks, Emily nodding along with her. "I need to know!"
"Sorry, girls," you tell them. "Those stories get out and I'm dead meat."
The both of them grumble about not getting answers, but move on without fuss. Before you can follow, however, Spencer steps closer to you. "You won't even tell me?" He asks, voice quiet.
You huff. "You already know."
Spencer's answering smile is enough to make you roll your eyes and he's quick to keep pace with you as you enter the building. There are numerous people milling about, but since it's late most of the trainees are in bed. Every piece of furniture and fixture still seems brand spanking new, so you don't blame the BAU team looking around in awe.
Heading into the chosen office, you lead Spencer inside before catching Steve's attention. "I'm gonna let you guys get to work. I'll be setting up in my room if anyone needs me."
No one objects, so after taking your bag from Spencer you take your leave. You leisurely make your way towards the living quarters of the compound and find your room with ease. Opening the door, the familiarity of it brings a tired smile to your face. The lamps have been turned on, awaiting your arrival, and even the TV has been turned on with its volume on low. The walls and bedding is the same as everyone else has, but you know it's your room because of the personal pictures on the dresser and bedside tables.
Since you're going to be staying until the case is over and then probably a couple days more after, you decide to put your clothes in the dresser rather than leave it in your bag for the entire time. After that's done and you've switched your TV to a movie you like, you pick out a standard set of black sleep pants and a blue/gray shirt that every trainee at the compound wears to bed so you can shower before crawling into bed yourself.
You're grateful for the private bathroom and even more grateful to see the products you use already waiting for you. You turn on the water to the shower, grab a towel from the bathroom closet and set it on the counter along with your change of clothes before you start to strip.
You keep your hair in a topknot as you shower since you had washed it earlier that morning, so your shower is over within ten minutes. Then by the time you're dried off and dressed in fresh clothes, and your teeth are brushed, you exit the bathroom.
Stepping into your room, you startle at the sight of Spencer sitting on the small cushioned bench at the foot of your bed. He's staring up at the moving playing, the corner of his lips quirked up in amusement. But at your small gasp, he looks towards you, lips spreading into a fond smile.
"Captain Rogers said it was okay that I wait for you. I don't mean to intrude."
"Spence," you huff a laugh and then continue on towards your bed, "we have keys to each other's apartments and sometimes barge in without warning. I think you waiting in here is more than okay."
"Just needed to make sure," he says, "what with this being a new place and all."
"Mhmm." You sit on the edge of the bed that's right behind the bench, putting your feet on the cushion beside Spencer and practically hug your knees as you stare at him. "How did everyone settle in?"
"E-Everyone's good." Spencer turns sideways, grinning up at you. "We got our own rooms here so we don't have to be back and forth from a hotel. When we left, Garcia was being introduced to the holographic tables and now I don't think she's going to sleep tonight."
You chuckle. "I knew she'd fall prey to all the pretty tech here." He chuckles along with you. "And how did everyone take the news to hearing the details about the case?"
"They're taking it very personally," Spencer tells you. "Mr. Barton even asked to stay on as a consultant. He and agent Romanoff are not very happy."
"Well they might not be as smart as you, Doc, but I think they're going to be a big help. You guys will be out of here in no time with the bad guy in cuffs."
"Is that so?" He muses. You grin and nod. "And if we're out of here in no time, are we still waiting until you go home for that discussion we still need to have?"
"We can table the discussion," you say, "but I really need to do this before I chicken out."
"Do what?"
Without thinking too much more about it, you reach out to cradle Spencer's jaw in the palms of your hands. You bring his face closer to yours, pausing with barely an inch between your lips. It seems he's held his breath in surprise, but when he notices you're waiting for some sort of unspoken permission it's him who closes the gap.
There's nothing heated or rushed about the kiss- it merely being a chaste kiss of several little pecks before he catches your bottom lip between his teeth. You smile, your lip popping free from where it stretches, and you giggle as he leans up to chase your lips.
"Ahem." The interruption causes you to jerk back from Spencer, eyes wide when you catch sight of Bucky leaning against your door jamb and looking quite smug. "Hope I'm not interrupting." You groan, laying your forehead on Spencer's shoulder while he quietly snorts. "So with this new development, does this mean our threesome will now be a foursome?"
You can't help but laugh and sit straight once more so you can see your friend. Unfortunately, the question actually gives you pause and there's a split second where you actually give it thought. But in the next moment your nose wrinkles and you shake your head. "What? No!"
He points at you, eyes gleaming. "You paused! You paused which means that no just turned into a maybe. I'm gonna go tell Stevie we're back in the game!"
"James!" Spencer finally laughs and you groan again when Bucky pushes off the door jamb, whistling as he walks away. "I hate my friends."
"Just wait until Morgan finds out. It'll be worse." Spencer chuckles as you sigh, and he gets up before walking around to the side of your bed. He places his palms down on the mattress, leaning over you to kiss you once more. "I'm gonna go to my room before Sergeant Barnes brings back reinforcements."
"Okay. I'll probably see you around the compound, but I'll do my best to stay out of your hair while you're looking for your unsub."
"Are we still talking after?"
"Of course. Well we can either talk or order in some Chinese and hole up in one of our apartments for a weekend. Your call."
"I like the second option," he says.
"I figured you would." You kiss him one last time and then push against his chest. "Now go. We'll figure things out soon."
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amymel86 · 3 years
Note
Hello! Do you have any bits of your awesome writing to share for WIP wednesday?😍
I just saw this anon!
And thank you for asking <3
This is a bit more of this as yet untitled 'post-apocalyptic/fertility/modern arranged relationship???' fic. The first bit I posted on tumblr is here and as before, some things are not yet decided (like town names) and things may change...
“Are you sure this is what you want to do, darling?” Her mother’s voice on the telephone was a balm to her soul.
Sansa’s finger brushed the soft vivid petals of the small potted iris she’d bought at the store today. The iris symbolises hope, wisdom and courage among other things and she prays that the pretty purple and yellow bloom will lend her some of those. “I’ve got to try something, Mum,” she says, turning her attention to the two separate bundles of paper in front of her. Two men, two candidates, two different futures. Sansa had filled out all the matching service’s extensive questionnaires and scrutinised all the information she could find on the program. It seemed simple enough – you’re rewarded for helping to repopulate. In turn, the authorities help to pair you with someone who should be a good match dependant on all the information they have about you. The aim is that this new generation of children are raised in the traditional family unit. That had appealed to Sansa. “I can’t seem to find the right guy all on my own anyway,” she said into her phone.
“How do you know it will be safe, though?”
“It says here that my situation will be monitored by my own caseworker. I can call them any time I want. They’re not just going to drop me at the guy’s house and just leave us get on with it.”
“Hmmm... tell me about them? These men that they’ve narrowed down for you.”
“One’s called Waymar, he’s a financial advisor here in the Vale,” Sasna pauses, looking at the man’s photograph on his paperwork before fishing out the other. “And the other is called Jon, he owns a farm in the Reach.”
“None in the north then?” Her mother has been itching to get her back home. “I just wish there was a way to know that either of them were good men, Sansa. That’s all I want for you.”
Sansa put the two photos together. Two possible fathers for her child.
“That’s what I want too.”
***
“Shit! Holy fucking shit!” Jon says to himself, hanging up from his phone-call. “Mance!” he yells, bursting out of his trailer to find the old man. “Mance! It worked! It fucking worked!”
He’d relented. When Mance first put it to him that he should sign up for that weird government breeding program or whatever the fuck it was, he thought the old man’s last brain-cell must’ve fried up in the sun. But if they were going to make it easier for them and it meant Mance could keep the farm (and Jon could carry on living there rent free), then it was worth a shot. So he had relented. He’d filled out what seemed to be a gazillion and one questions about himself, his politics, his views on family and finances and education and fucking... art and shit. These damned government people wanted to know everything about him down to whether he scrunched or folded his toilet paper it seemed. He’d even had to lie. He didn’t like doing it, but there was no way that a fertile was going to pick him if he didn’t. So, he fished out an old photograph – one taken before the bar brawl that lost him his sight in one eye, and he’d also lied his asscheeks off by claiming he had ownership of the farm. He knew – he knew – that these lies are just more things that were going to trip him up one of these days but with Mance urging him on, he’d signed that damn form and offered himself up for the program.
And now a fertile had chosen him.
Him.
Fuck, he might throw up.
This can go one of two ways. Either completely up Shit Creek without a paddle – with his lies and reality crashing down on top of one another, leaving them exposed... or, his fertile somehow looks past his deceits and sticks with him and they-... well, shit, he could actually become a father. No-one becomes parents these days, especially not ‘round here. Fertiles flock to the big cities, to men with bigger pockets, or they work for couples who can afford to pay them off in exchange for a kid or two.
“It worked?” Mance asks, rolling out from under an old Ford pickup that needed a new exhaust. “They sendin’ us a peach?”
Jon shook his head. “They’re not sendin’ you anyone, old man. An’ don’t call her that – they’re-“ Fuck, what did the council call them on all that paperwork? “Reproductively abled.” He’ll have to remember that if he doesn’t want to offend her.
“Well, shit,” Mance grins. “What did I tell ya? Knew your pretty face was good for somethin’!”
Jon frowns. “Ain’t so pretty no more though.” He might have to go get himself a patch to cover his milky, sightless eye. It’s fine most of the time since Mance is the only one he sees unless he’s going to drink at Hobb’s, but he certainly doesn’t want to put off his ferti- reproductively abled friend who’ll be arriving in three weeks.
“She got a name? Your new peach?” Mance asked, earning him a glare.
“Sansa. Sansa Stark.”
Mance grunts and nods. “Sounds fancy.”
Yeah... It did sound kinda fancy he supposes. Jon’s first reaction had been that it was a mighty beautiful name, but now he thinks of it...
“Shame we can’t look her up – see if she’s a beauty or not.”
Jon can’t remember a time when that was an option. He was barely 11 at the highest point of the virus’s hold. Government officials had deemed certain channels on the internet were causing more harm than good by spreading false rumours, incorrect statistics and completely counterintuitive medical advice. The whole thing was shut down, now deemed illegal, only to be reconnected again three years later apparently looking like a foreign landscape from the one before. The internet was no longer a platform to socialise, only government approved informative sites remained. Mance says it’s better this way – that all people used to do was post vain images of themselves for attention anyway.
Jon wouldn’t mind seeing a vain image of Sansa Stark right about now though.
Not that it mattered terribly. As long as they get along and she decides to stick around she could be as ugly as sin. In fact, she probably will be, won’t she? Most pretty ferti- reproductively abled women stick to the cities and its high-fliers.
It doesn’t matter, he told himself. You just gotta keep her happy here and-
“Mance?” he asks, an issue coming to mind. The man grunts in acknowledgement. “Where the fuck is she gonna sleep? She’s not gonna want to stay in my trailer.”
The man grins in response. “I’m glad you asked, boy. I’m glad you asked.”
***
Her caseworker was meant to meet her at the train station. It was quite a drive to the farm and he was meant to pick her up, make sure she’s safe and happy and introduce her to Jon.
That hasn’t happened.
“Please accept my apologies, my dear,” Mr Baelish said down the other end of the phone. “There’s been a mix up with my schedule. We can set you up for the night at a local motel or ask your match to come and get you. Which would you prefer?”
Sansa eyes the dirty looking motel across the street from the train station. Everything here at [[INSERT TOWN NAME]] seems a little on the... rundown side. Maybe the sooner she gets to the farm, the better. Plus, her tummy is all a flutter with anticipation to actually meet Jon. She’d wound up swaying towards Jon as a match due to a few reasons; 1 – he does not live in, around, or anywhere near Harry or his crazy mother. 2 – he owns a farm, and that had conjured up hazy daydreams of idyllic country life. Sansa may enjoy big nights out in the city, drinking her dirty margaritas and feeling her bones vibrate against the base beat in a nightclub, but she knows that’s not what she wants to raise a child around. A child will want to run barefoot through wheat fields and chase chickens and milk cows and –
Let’s just say Sansa has a few ideas and that they all helped to sway her away from city pleasures and towards farmhouse life. And Jon
And last, but not least, reason number 3 – Jon himself. Put side-by-side, his and Waymar’s photographs looked rather similar if truth be told, but Jon won out on something that Sansa just couldn’t describe. Looking at his photograph gave her goosepimples along her forearms because it was like he was looking right back at her. There was something in the depths of his eyes – a kindness? A wit? A strength? She’s not sure, but she couldn’t find the same qualities when she stared at Waymar’s likeness. And his answers too. His questionnaire was full of how he’d like to teach a kid how to walk and ride a bike and fix a... a tractor for heaven’s sake! And so her head was flooded once more of this idyllic life where they got up to watch the dawn stretch over the farmland and they’d grow their own vegetables and she’d bake a pie every day and it would just be perfect.
Perfect, perfect, perfect.
Sansa glances around the near abandoned train station.
This doesn’t look so perfect right now.
“Could you please arrange for Jon to come and get me, Mr Baelish?”
***
It’s been an hour and fifty-six minutes precisely since Sansa last spoke to Mr Baelish to arrange her match coming to get her. An hour and fifty-six minutes of sitting on the curb, waiting, surrounded by her three suitcases. She’d started off by sitting at the nearby bus stop, purely because it was somewhere to sit and she had a clear view of the road, but after the rude bus driver insisted that if she’s sat there, she must be wanting to hop on his bus, Sansa decided to park her butt on the dusty, sun-baked curb instead. Her legs were beginning to numb and she was starting to get a headache from the sun beaming down on her head. The curls she’d styled into her copper locks have likely lost their hold by now. What a waste. Opposite, on the other side of the street, beside the dirty little motel, there was a tiny bar that advertised the fact that it hosted exotic dancers at the weekends with a blinking neon sign. Next to it was a hunting and fishing ‘emporium’ and beside that was a vacant store with an old dirty sign that read ‘Blouses & More!’. Presumably, the ‘& more’ still wasn’t enough to keep that fine establishment in business in this funny little town. At the end of the block was ‘Tarly’s Drugstore’ and Sansa had been debating with herself whether or not she should haul her suitcases over to go buy a drink and a magazine for about the last hour and fifty-five minutes.
But she hadn’t wanted to miss Jon Snow’s arrival.
Jon Snow, who seemed to be pulling up outside Tarly’s Drugstore in a dusty Ford pickup truck right about now. Sansa stood, expecting him to come right on over considering how long she’d been waiting for him, but she found herself wondering if she’d got it all wrong when she hadn’t caught a good enough look at him before he darted straight into the store.
Sansa is done with waiting. She grabs her smallest case and places it on top of her larger one, trying her darnedest to roll all her luggage across the road in a lady-like fashion. She could feel the eyes of several passers-by on her while her stiletto heels clip across the street. In turn, her own gaze fell to Jon’s cream-coloured truck. Its front bumper looked a little rusty and wonky too. There was a big gash in the leather of the bench seating on the passenger side. On the truck bed, there were a number of items, including a rocking chair that seems to have a couple of spindles on the chair-back missing, and a new double bed mattress wrapped in clear plastic. Sansa was almost done frowning at the state of the vehicle when the over-door bell of the drugstore tinkles.
“Holy shit,” he curses. And yes, it definitely was Jon standing right in front of her. Only... well... his hair was tied into a knot at the back of his head and.... and... he was wearing a black eye patch? “Uh,” he stood there, arms laden with bottles from the store as the gaze from his one good eye quickly darted down her frame and back up again. “You’re her, right? You’re Sansa Stark?”
Sansa found she could only nod, looking him up and down, like he was with her. He was in jeans with oil smears, some tough, heavy looking boots, a somehow pristine white vest and flannel shirt with the arms ripped off.
Speaking of arms...
Gods-damn! Sansa’s focus was momentarily derailed...
“Sorry, I-“ Jon starts before his grey eye drops to the floor and then returns to her, looking a little bashful. “I didn’t expect you to be so pretty.”
Oh boy. He may be wearing an eye patch right now but this man could win over a thousand girls with that smile, Sansa’s sure of it. She resists the urge to giggle like a schoolgirl. She’s here to find out if they’re well suited enough to start a family together – she needs to keep her head and think rationally, not allow herself to be swayed by his rugged country boy charm. It was Harry’s looks that enticed her in the first place – and look how well that turned out for her?
“Thank you,” Sansa says, blinking back at him before his words truly hit home. “Didn’t they give you my photograph?”
Jon shook his head. “No, ma’am.”
Huh.
“Did they show you mine?”
Sansa bites her lip and gives a nod.
Jon grimaces. “So I guess you weren’t expecting this?” He points to his patch.
Sansa shakes her head. “No... did you... did you do something to injure it?”
Jerking his head, Jon begins rubbing at the back of his neck with his free hand. “It’s a long story... but... it ain’t gonna get any better, if that’s what you’re askin’.”
“Oh.”
They stood, staring at one another for a heartbeat or five before Jon sucks in a breath over his teeth and glances down to the bottles he clutched to his chest with one arm. “I tried to get you some things to help you feel at home,” he says, “these are the nicest smellin’ soaps ‘n’ stuff from Tarly’s.”
“Thank you,” Sansa replies, knowing full well that she brought her Highgarden Floral Scents bathroom range with her.
Jon chews on his lip as he eyes her suitcases. “Lemme get those for you,” he offers before dumping the bottles in his arms into the truck bed and reaching for her luggage. Sansa’s heeled shoes seem welded to the spot. Jon notices. Scrubbing both hands down his face in resignation, he takes a step closer to her and Sansa realises for the first time, that he had dirt beneath his fingernails. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. “It was a shitty thing for me to do,” he offers, his words low and husky. Sansa feels the timbre of his voice set off a trickle of gooseflesh down her spine. “I’m sorry.”
She blinks at him, momentarily confused.
“About this,” he explains, brows high on his head as he points to his patch. “I shouldn’t have sent that old photo of before this happened, but – fuck – even my ex-girl won’t acknowledge I exist anymore with this and I knew I shoulda been honest about it but-“
“This ex-girl...” Sansa suddenly found herself left with a sour taste in her mouth. “... does she still mean something to you?”
Jon licks at his lips, his eye falling briefly to her own. “No, ma’am,” he shakes his head.
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musette22 · 3 years
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Burning For You
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Title: Burning For You Pairing: Chris Evans x Sebastian Stan (Evanstan) Rating: Teen and up Word count: 3.1k A/N: Written for Evanstan Week day 6, a late fill for the Alternate Universe prompt. This silly piece of fluff is entirely inspired by the wonder that is the Mountain Lodge candle from the Yankee Candle Company. Yes, the one that inspired this iconic Tumblr post. The one that smells like Chris Evans. 
I was lucky enough to receive one as a gift from the wonderful @howdoyousleep3 and my life hasn't been the same since I smelled it for the first time. Thank you for introducing me to such delights baby K, ilyyy 💖 Also BIG thank you to the @evanstanweek​ team and to my beautiful beta @rainbowsandcoconut who came up with the outline for this fic when I told her my idea! Love you, boo 😘
Summary: Evanstan AU. Sebastian gets a little carried away when raving about the Mountain Lodge candle to a friend. It leads to an unexpected, fragrant encounter.
Read on AO3
“Listen, D. You’ve gotta smell this candle.” Sebastian leans in closer, nearly knocking over his - third - glass of red. “You know I’m not usually a scented candle kinda guy, but this one…” He closes his eyes and tips back his head, an expression of pure bliss on his face. “Incredible. Glorious. Magnificent.”
“You look like you’re about to pull a Meg Ryan in When Harry met Sally over there, Seb.”
Sebastian straightens, giving Deirdre a meaningful look across the table at the low-key SoHo bar they’re having drinks at. “You kid, but I’m this close. It’s that good, not even exaggerating.”
“Sure you’re not,” Deirdre huffs, lifting her glass and taking a sizeable gulp of her Cosmopolitan.
“Fine, don’t believe me,” Sebastian shrugs. “You know, I pity you for not having experienced the delights of the Mountain Lodge candle, really. If you knew what it smelled like, you’d be singing its praises too, believe me.”
Deirdre rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “Fine, I’ll bite. What does it smell like, Sebastian, pray tell.”
Sebastian sits up eagerly. “It smells…” he starts, “like an evening in that lodge in the Green Mountains we rented with the others a couple of years ago. Remember that? How it felt to relax by the fire after a long day of hiking, the scent of cedarwood and toasted marshmallows in the air?”
“Hmmm,” Deirdre agrees. “That was nice, yeah. But hardly worth busting a nut over, I’d say.”
Sebastian holds up a single finger. “I'm not done. Because this candle doesn’t just smell like the lodge, it also smells like the lumberjack living at the lodge.”
Deirdre frowns. “There was no lumberjack living at the –”
“The metaphorical lumberjack, D, god. Work with me here a little.”
“Oh right, okay. Gotcha.”
“It smells,” Sebastian continues, undeterred, “like soft, worn flannel. Like beard oil and a hint of clean sweat. It smells like a big, strong, gorgeous man who just got done hewing a ginormous tree with his massive axe and cutting it down into firewood, which he’s now using to light the very fireplace in front of which he’ll make sweet, sweet love to you, on the rug that’s actually the skin of a bear that attacked his rescue dog and which this man fought off and killed with his own bare hands.”
“Whooofffff,” Deirdre says, fanning herself with a napkin. “Fine, I’m starting to see the attraction.”
“It smells…” Sebastian goes on, pausing for dramatic effect before delivering his clincher, “like Chris Evans.”
There’s a beat of silence, and then Deirdre groans loudly, sagging back in her chair. “Ughh, shoulda known this was coming. For chrissake, Sebastian, you literally cannot go even one night without bringing up Chris Evans, can you?”
“I totally can,” Sebastian protests, like the mature, professional, Times-employed literary critic he is. “But you don’t understand, D. This candle, it’s actually like they bottled the very essence of Chris Evans and then infused a candle with it. It’s life-changing.”
“Yeah, yeah, you have a permanent boner for Chris Evans, you wanna marry him and have his little bearded babies, tell me something I don’t know,” Deirdre sighs, draining the last of her drink and immediately starting to look around for the waiter to order a new one. Distantly, Sebastian notices the song playing in the background changing to The Smith’s ‘Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want'. Ah, if only.
“Listen to me,” Sebastian insists, unconsciously starting to speak louder, like he’s some small-town preacher trying to make his ignorant clergy see the light. “Deirdre, darling, you’re one of my oldest friends. I wouldn’t lie to you. I swear, when you smell this candle, you too will feel like you’re being engulfed in the embrace of the brilliant, spectacular, totally unique smokeshow that goes by the name of Chris Evans. It’s as if the man himself is wrapping those huge, muscled arms of his around you, crushing you to his wide chest as you tuck your face into the crook of his neck while his beard brushes your temple and you inhale his masculine scent of cologne, sex and clean, honest sweat, I swear to god – D, are you even listening?”
At some point during the last part of Sebastian’s homily, Deirdre’s eyes drifted to a point over his right shoulder and got stuck there.
“Did you just- zone out?” Sebastian asks indignantly, waving a hand in front of her face. She doesn’t even blink. “Hello? Earth to Deirdre.”
“Seb,” Deirdre says, still not looking at Sebastian.
“Oh, I see,” Sebastian barrels on. “Here I am, pouring my heart out, telling you I found a candle that smells exactly like the man of my dreams and you’re just… What are you doing, actually? Are you okay?”
At this point, Deirdre’s eyes have gone comically round, mouth hanging open just a little. “Sebastian,” she repeats, more urgently now – and just as he’s turning his head to find out what put that dumbfounded look on her face, someone nearby clears their throat.
Sebastian startles, looking up at the man who’s appeared next to their table.
“Hi,” the man says in a deep, rich voice.
A deep, rich voice that Sebastian knows all too well. A deep, rich voice that belongs to none other than Chris Evans, Hollywood heartthrob and actual smokeshow, himself.
Oh.
Sebastian gapes while Chris, dressed in dark wash jeans, a red flannel shirt and a brown shearling jacket, smiles at him patiently. He’s all soft-looking beard and strong nose and bulging biceps and long, lean legs, and Sebastian has died and gone to heaven.
“I’m sorry for interrupting,” Chris says, “but was just sitting a table over and I couldn’t help but overhear.”
And from one moment to the next, Sebastian crashes forcefully back to earth. His whole body goes cold, the blood draining from his face so quickly he feels dizzy with it.
Fuck. No. No, no, no. This can’t be happening. There is no way this is actually happening.
Except it is.
Sebastian had just been extremely, loudly and publicly horny about the very guy that’s standing next to him right now. The guy who is no doubt about to give Sebastian a piece of his mind at best, and a right hook to the jaw at worst. And honestly, he’d deserve it.
Since Sebastian wouldn’t even know where to begin apologizing, he says nothing. Just keeps staring at Chris in ever-growing horror, his pulse pounding in his ears so loudly it almost drowns out the miserable sound of Morrissey still pleading in the background.
Chris clears his throat. “So,” he says, bringing up a hand to rub the back of his neck. “This candle smells like me, huh?”
Sebastian groans, hiding his face in his hands. “Shit. Fuck. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean- Oh my god, please, please, please just forget you heard any of that.”
“Why would I want to do that?”
Puzzled, Sebastian chances a glance at Chris from between his fingers. He’s partly still covering his face out of embarrassment, and partly because Chris is so gorgeous in real life that Sebastian isn’t sure he could look at him directly without spontaneously combusting. It’s like staring at the fucking sun. He doesn’t seem too angry, though, thank god. In fact, there’s an amused twinkle in his blue eyes that makes Sebastian’s shoulders relax infinitesimally.
“Because it was incredibly inappropriate?” Sebastian suggests, honestly a bit confused about having to explain this to him.
“I don’t know,” Chris shrugs. “It sounded pretty great. Kinda want to smell it for myself now.”
For some unfathomable reason – probably because unexpectedly seeing his long-time celebrity crush in the flesh broke his brain, Sebastian blurts out, “Oh, I don’t have it with me. It’s back at my apartment.”
Slowly, Chris raises a single eyebrow. The look sends a shiver straight down Sebastian’s spine, from the crown of his head right down to his toes. “Is it now?”
“Yeah,” Sebastian replies breathlessly.
Chris’s gaze drops down to Sebastian’s brown leather boots before slowly travelling back up to his face. “I gotta say, normally someone would at least have to buy me dinner first, but…” He trails off, looking Sebastian straight in the eye before finishing, “I am really curious about this candle.”
“You are?” Sebastian says dumbly, and then “Ow!” when Deirdre delivers an impressively precise kick to his shin under the table. He turns to give her a betrayed look, but when he meets her eyes, with which she’s clearly trying very hard to communicate something to him, he finally catches on. “Oh!” Sebastian whips back around to Chris, staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. “I- you- you mean like…” He swallows hard. “You wanna come back to my place to, uh, smell the candle?”
Although Chris’s expression remains amused, there’s a hint of trepidation there as well. “Sure,” he says, smiling crookedly. “If… that’s something you’re up for?”
Sebastian’s mind races. The way he sees it, there are two possibilities. Either Chris Evans is actually standing here in the flesh, propositioning him, or Sebastian hit his head in the bathroom earlier and is actually just lying on the dirty tile floor, hallucinating as a result of severe head trauma. The second option seems by far the most likely, but then, his shin does hurt like a sonuvabitch.
Well, fuck.
Sebastian clears his throat and sits up straighter, running a hand through his longish hair. “I mean, yeah, that’s- wow. That. That would be okay with me, uh huh. You mean like, now?”
“If that works for you?”
Without thinking, Sebastian says, “Well, I’m here with Deirdre –” before letting out another sharp yelp as said Deirdre crushes his toes under her heel. “Jesus, D!”
Deirdre ignores him. “Ohhh, would you look at the time,” she exclaims, holding up her wrist which very much doesn’t have a watch on it. “Boy, it’s much later than I thought. I really oughta get going, early start tomorrow.” She yawns theatrically, then grabs her purse and throws down two twenties on the table. “It was lovely seeing you, Sebastian, Chris… Evans,” she adds, with a wooden nod in Chris’s direction. “Hope you two have a lovely evening, bye now!”
And she’s gone.
They both stare after her for a second, and then Chris chuckles – a low sound that reverberates pleasantly in Sebastian’s chest. “Well,” Chris says, turning back towards him. “It’s nice to meet you, Sebastian.” He holds out his hand. “I’m Chris.”
Sebastian stands, taking Chris’s hand, which is warm and big and ever so slightly calloused, and exactly like Sebastian always imagined. “Yeah, I know,” he says, because he’s cool like that. And then, in a show of bravura that surprises even himself, Sebastian holds Chris’s gaze, tilts his head a fraction, and says, “So uh, my place?”
Chris smiles, casually dropping a few bills on the table, more than enough to cover their drinks, before taking a step to the side to let Sebastian pass. “Lead the way,” he says, lightly resting his hand on the small of Sebastian’s back as they make their way towards the exit.
🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥
It’s only once they’re outside and the cold February night air manages to cool down Sebastian’s overheated brain somewhat that it occurs to him to ask if Chris wasn’t at the bar with anyone.
“I met a friend for drinks but he just left,” Chris explains. “I was just waiting for the bill when I overheard you guys.”
“And you’re sure you don’t have any other plans?” Sebastian asks, because he’s nothing if not a self-sabotaging idiot.
They’re still standing outside the bar, the golden light radiating from a nearby lamppost decorated with a cluster of luminous orbs making Chris look softer, somehow. Still a Hollywood heartthrob, but also charmingly human. Unfortunately, it does absolutely nothing to make Sebastian any less infatuated. If anything, it only endears Chris to him more, which he really didn’t think was possible.
“Not really, no,” Chris replies, amusement in his tone. “I was just gonna go back to my hotel and read for a bit.”
Sebastian perks up at the mention of his area of expertise. “Oh, yeah? What’re you reading?”
“I haven’t started it yet, but it’s this history of space travel? I read a great review of it in the Times the other day, so I thought I’d give it a go.” With a self-deprecating smile, Chris adds, “I’m kind of a space nerd.”
Sebastian blinks. “Not ‘To Infinity and Beyond’, by any chance?”
“That’s the one,” Chris confirms. “You know it?”
“I wrote the review.”
Chris’s eyes go round. “You did not.”
In lieu of replying, Sebastian digs up his wallet from his pocket, takes out his Times-employee card and holds it up for Chris’s inspection.
“Huh,” Chris says, studying the card. “What are the odds.” When his eyes turn back to Sebastian’s, he suddenly breaks out into a grin, wide and boyish. “Well, I guess that explains a thing or two.”
“How do you mean?” Sebastian frowns.
“I mean, that review was brilliantly written so you clearly have a way with words.” With a sly look, Chris goes on, “which explains your colorful descriptions of that candle earlier. The masculine scent of cologne, sex and clean, honest sweat was especially vivid.”
Sebastian groans, dragging a hand down over his face. “Jesus Christ, this is so embarrassing.”
Chris eyes shine with genuine mirth as he laughs, “Hey, come on, don’t worry about it.” He takes a step closer, ducking his head to try and catch Sebastian’s eyes, which are now firmly fixed on the pavement in an attempt to conjure up a hole to swallow him. “Call me a narcissist, but I didn’t exactly hate overhearing a gorgeous guy describing me as the man of his dreams.”
“Oh god,” Sebastian mutters, feeling himself turn a fetching shade of crimson. Trying to hide his blush, he turns around abruptly and nearly walks into the lamppost.
Chris, his savior, his knight in shining armor, manages to grab him by the back of his coat just in time to avoid the imminent collision. Sebastian still stumbles, but strong, capable arms wrapping securely around his waist keep him upright.
Carefully, Sebastian turns in Chris’s embrace so they’re facing each other, though he can’t quite make himself look Chris in the eye yet. “I’m guessing you caught on to this by now,” Sebastian tells the St Christopher pendant resting on Chris’s sternum, “but I’m kind of a disaster.”
Chris just hums, lifting a hand to tilt up Sebastian’s chin with his index finger, a small smile playing on his lips. “A beautiful one, though,” he whispers into the negligible space between them, before he closes that space and presses soft, full lips to Sebastian’s own.
Sebastian can’t suppress the small sound that escapes him when their lips meet, eyes closing on instinct as he lets himself sink into the kiss. Lets Chris take charge and coax open Sebastian’s mouth by running the tip of his tongue along the seam of his lips. Sebastian doesn’t think twice about letting him in. When their tongues touch, sweet and soft and languid, he trembles, pressing closer. Chris tastes a little like beer, and while Sebastian’s never been overly fond of beer, it takes approximately two seconds of being kissed by the hottest man on the planet for it to magically turn into Sebastian’s new favorite taste. Ever.
The kiss starts off slow; a little cautious maybe, as if Chris still isn’t entirely sure it’s welcomed. But then Sebastian’s hands find their way to Chris’s waist, fingers gripping tightly, and Chris slides a hand into Sebastian’s hair, angling his head gently to the left to deepen the kiss – and suddenly, Sebastian’s entire body feels like it’s on fire. He moans, relishing the feel of Chris's soft beard scratching at his clean-shaven cheeks, and way Chris takes control of the kiss, like something right out of every embarrassing fantasy he's ever had.
When Chris hums against his lips, as if he’s enjoying this just as much as Sebastian is, Sebastian’s knees go all weak and useless. It’s a good thing that Chris is there, tightening his left arm around his waist and pulling him more securely against the hard lines of his own body – which actually doesn’t do a thing to help Sebastian’s current knee situation. He whimpers, curling his hands into the fabric of Chris’s coat to anchor himself.
When Chris finally breaks the kiss, he doesn’t go far. His breathing has deepened, warm puffs of air caressing Sebastian’s tingling, wet lips. Sebastian exhales shakily. The way his head is spinning might be partially due to the wine, but it's definitely mostly because of Chris sweeping him off his feet with his smooth, movie star ways.
Needing a moment to gain his composure before he speaks, Sebastian buries his face in the crook of Chris’s neck, taking a deep, steadying breath –
Oh.
“I fucking knew it,” he groans.
Sebastian feels rather than hears Chris’s quiet laugh; feels the vibrations of it shake his broad chest under Sebastian’s palms. “Yeah? Do I really smell like your candle?”
“Better,” Sebastian mutters. On instinct, he presses his lips against Chris’s exposed neck, eliciting a shiver from him.
“You know,” Chris rumbles into Sebastian’s ear. “I still think I need to smell this magical thing for myself. Make sure you’re not just flattering me to get into my pants, y'know?”
Christ.
“Yeah,” Sebastian nods. “Definitely, good thinking. Empirical evidence is paramount. In fact, it’s totally possible I’m just mixing things up right now because my brain’s all” – he makes a poof motion with his hands, trusting Chris will get his drift – “so I think maybe I’ll need to do some comparative research.”
Chris tilts his head in though. “Hands-on research?”
“I think that’s best, yes,” Sebastian concurs.
“Right. Well, out of the two of us, you’re definitely the higher educated one, so I’m just gonna take your word for that.” After a beat, Chris adds, “as long as I get to test a theory or two of my own.”
“Oh?” Sebastian licks his lips. “Such as?”
The wicked glint in Chris’s eyes is the only warning he gets before Chris is sliding his hand back into Sebastian’s hair and giving it a firm, experimental tug.
“Ah,” Sebastian breathes, his eyelids fluttering, the blood rushing south so fast he feels dizzy – again.
Chris grins smugly. “Such as that.”
“Okay,” Sebastian croaks. “Yeah, that seems fair.” Wasting no more time, he reaches out to grab Chris’s free hand and starts to pull him along the pavement in the direction of his apartment.
Chris, laughing as he squeezes Sebastian’s hand, follows closely behind.  
🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥
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Text
Chara, the fourth Blook cousin:
A crack theory that accidentally become way more serious than it should have because it somehow, despite my best efforts, ended up making sense
Brought to you by my idiot conspiracy brain (affectionate) and by encouragement from my Tumblr followers
Under the cut for the sake of your dashes and sanity
Ok here we go my very elaborate accidental theory, because in order to answer the complex questions simply you must first make simple things more complex or something
First, you need to know that Chara became a Blook cousin by adoption.
All of the Blooks are adopted.
Ghosts are not born into families, they make their own.
Got it? Great, because we’re about to start running
so first, im gonna make surprisingly uncommon claim in this fandom, and I am going to say that undertale ghosts are all dead
I’m taking the tiny details we know about ghosts and sprinting with them to new places
Ghosts also do not have souls I decided
Undertale souls do not work the same as souls in traditional mythology
So every ghost is soulless Unless and Until they become corporeal
Evidence: Monster souls cant exist without bodies, and ghosts are monsters, therefore ghosts cannot have souls without bodies
Further evidence: Asriel doesnt steal blooky’s soul, blooky is unkillable, we have no concrete evidence that blooky has a soul
What about mettaton? He only has a soul after he has completely committed to being corporeal and to a specific body.
Also maddy and mettaton are both only killable while corporeal
Im also connecting the dots we have about souls in a new creative way so let me live for a second
Additionally, i am going to claim that there are a lot more ghosts than just the blooks, some evidence given below
Theres like actual scientific knowlege of ghosts in the undertale verse which seems unlikely if theres literally only three or four
The underground is so much bigger than you think, theres that giant forest in snowdin, a large town in the ruins, the huge city of new home, who knows how much space in the large open areas of waterfall etc. Its really really big okay
Also based off evidence of blooky, we can conclude that ghosts can turn invisible whenever they want to and/or haunt objects to hide
So I personally think that ghosts are, generally speaking, extremely reclusive
And the blooks are just a special exception, a beautiful family, amazing for them
So anyway im going with typical ghost lore for now, for the sake of ease, so im gonna say ghosts generally come from monsters who are particularly restless or unsatisfied when they die
HOWEVER i dont think they remember being monsters or anything before being a ghost. They just kinda fizzle into existance with a fully formed personality and immortality while being unkillable and feeling vaguely uneasy
ALSO i personally think that chara was a ghost for a long time before they became a blook by adoption
Based on game lore, i think ghosts can possess any inanimate object and just kinda wear it? But it takes a lot of strong emotion to become corporeal
And chara is the super weird exception because they were a human not a monster.
They dont have a soul (i headcanon that their soul got destroyed when asriel died)
And they KNOW this, which is a huge part of why they kinda just... give up
Because they lost their ability to fulfill prophecy
Also, without a soul, they lost their ability to reset, so for the first time since falling underground, theyre subject to the relentless march of time
But theyre still weirdly strong and powerful and more emotional
ALSO they DO still remember being a human but they catch on pretty quickly that other ghosts dont have memories and because chara is stupid they just lie to fit in
Theyre too tired to explain themself, they just want to be alone and feel awful
Now back to ghost lore
Emotions are a lot harder for ghosts??? I decided
And they dont know why,, they tend to blame it on the soul thing
But realistically its actually more of the immortality thing making actions not have consequences and/or or not having a body so they cant have a sense of touch or have physical effects of emotion
They all know that ghosts just tend to be way more floaty and bored and numb
And thats part of why the blooks are so special
Maddy’s rage and Mettaton’s yearning and Napstablook’s misery are like... not great all of the time...
but theyre also way way more emotion than most ghosts have,,, they are just a family supporting each other, being as functional as they can,, just an emo(tional) ghost family
most ghosts barely do anything except like stare at walls but the blooks have their snail farm and that helps them have purpose and it is good
And they hold each other accountable and it is nice
So anyway chara just chills and is in a depression coma for a few decades before the blooks find them and are like “our child/baby cousin”
and they raise them for a cool minute
They are all very protective of the new baby emo blook
And chara doesnt get therapy but at the very least they once again have a family, and they decide they want to try to become corporeal eventually just like mtt and maddy
So anyway chara starts hanging out in the ruins a lot more and they finally tell the blooks theyre leaving to go become corporeal in the ruins
This is actually because they are trying to hang out with toriel
because they miss their mom ;;
but chara’s not gonna admit that to anyone, especially not to themself
And because theyre still repressing their emotions constantly and pretending to be fine, they cant become corporeal
And they hang out in the ruins for a long time because they feel guilty lying to everyone about everything
They still feel like its their fault that all the monsters are stuck underground, because they were SUPPOSED to save everyone and they COULDNT and it HURTS
But again, they are doing too much repression to use this guilt to become corporeal,
so instead they just kinda hide and watch toriel from a distance and cry
Blooky visits them the most, thats why blooky is chilling in the ruins so much at the start of the game
Theyre just there to visit their shy baby cousin ;;
Ofc they wont tell frisk about this because chara wants space and privacy and blooky respects that
but maddy and mtt also visit them a lot
Oh also when mtt and maddy start dissapearing, blookys mental health plummets as their family and support system starts to dissolve
Blooky was actually doing extremely well (for a ghost) for a long time, i headcanon,
but theyre doing the worst theyve been in a long long time during the game, because of family issues
So anyway, chara dissapears when frisk shows up, and maddy assumes this is becaude frisk hurt their fragile feelings
Maddy spends hours desperately searching the ruins for chara and cant find them and assumes that they had their heart crushed and went to hide and disappear in a depression coma for another few decades, and thats part of why maddy is so furious with frisk
Like,, to be clear, maddy is still jumping to conclusions and throwing blame around with no proof, but also, its a logical conclusion to come to
And mettaton has already disappeared too and been gone for a while, too, by this point, so it hurts even worse
But anyway, what actually happened to chara is that;
Because chara is a human ghost, not a monster ghost, normal ghost rules dont apply to them
And they can possess living things too they find out
Maybe they knew it a long time ago, maybe its a new discovery, but for whatever reason they end up possessing frisk and theyre like “what the heck”
And frisk still has most of the control
But now chara is like,,, “this is my chance, im a human again, gotta save the world for real,,,”
and they cant explain this to anyone without revealing their past
so they just chill in frisk’s mind while being super crypic and trying to figure out how it works
Pacifist route, this is pretty much exactly what happens
They manage to help frisk save the day
And in my headcanon, the no mercy route is started by frisk who is scared when faced by monsters attacking them
And then chara, who was aready hiding in a semidepression coma for a while, immediately transitions to a panicked “gotta protect this body, gotta protect my chance to be human, i died and threw away my chance to save everyone the first time, i CANNOT lose this chance again”
And so the combination of both frisk and chara is the genocide run
Because frisk kills in self defense, and whenever frisk hesitates, chara jumps in
Also theres leftover feelings from the whole asriel incident
Because again, ghosts come from monsters who died unsatisfied
And chara’s main source of unsatisfaction is how they were trying to get asriel to kill people before he died and then he didnt
So thats a strong strong feeling ruling them
So anyway by the time they both realize how bad its become they figure its too late and also the amount of LOVE has made them numb
And thats when chara who, despite everything, still has idiot hero complex and thinks they need to save the world
So, while panicking, they step in at the very end, and erase the timeline and delete everything
And also to clarify
They DONT HAVE this power at any other point in the game
Because, guess why
They become corporeal
Just like maddy, the no mercy route is the only thing that gives them strong enough emotion to spontaneously become corporeal
So they become corporeal and as soon as they have a soul again and can reset again, they just erase everything
Ok back to fluff
Post pacifist route, they are still a non corporeal ghost
They can still float around and look just like the other blooks
And it takes them a while to open up about things, but they do end up moving back in with blooky so that blooky isnt completely alone
And also they do way better with a family
Also they can float through the mountain and talk to flowey down below and bring him news
And now that they know about him, they can bond with him and explain that they dont have a soul either but that doesnt mean theyre worthless
Oh ALSO
The other dead humans dont have ghosts
BECAUSE
ghosts only come from restless dead MONSTERS
and chara is the weird special exception
Because they were a monster when they died
They became a ghost and asriel didnt because they were way more restless and stressed than asriel was when both of them died
Like sure, asriel felt awful, but chara was the one who was way more like “this is my fault, i CANT die now, the world NEEDS me”
So anyway
charablook the emo tween ghost and asriel flowey the eldrich goat daisy are siblings once more and they hang out and eventually they are okay and have a family again
Thank you for reading, this has been my thoughts on a crack theory that accidentally went too far
This isnt even everything, maybe i’ll make a part two eventually, but i promised to have this post out like two days ago, so i wanted to post SOMTHING
Anyway leave your thoughts if youd like
Im not looking for people to disprove it, i already know its crazy, i dont think it was intentional by the game writers, but i do think its a fun concept
thats the fun of it, so if anyone wants to run with it im all for it lol
Thanks again! Have a nice day!
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aye-of-newt · 2 years
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Hi!! I saw your recent Sherlock post so I just gotta ask... did you like BBC’s Sherlock with Benedict Cumberbatch? I’m just curious on your opinion haha
Short answer: It's a bad adaptation.
Long answer:
(I will try to use "BBC Sherlock" to mean the show and "Sherlock" to mean the character to help minimize confusion)
I enjoyed the first few seasons as they aired. I partook in the 2012 of it all. I remember when I believe in Sherlock Holmes was plastered wall to wall on your tumblr dash while the world waited for season three. My "cringe" confession I suppose haha. But honestly? It was fun and I won't apologize for that. I wasn't involved in any drama. I lived my best life as a young teen and got out before it really went down in flames. All in all, low key a fun time in life and minimal regrets. yolo, I say to harken back to the time.
I remember not really enjoying parts of season three/feeling dissatisfied with it and my interest dropped off after that from what I remember. I wasn't watching it anymore by the time the... controversial season four dropped.
Now, it's been years since I actually watched it so my memories are faded but I will try to explain what I didn't like.
It got too big: This one is more of an opinion (well it's all an opinion I guess) but the stakes felt too high. The villains in the show were just too powerful for me to find realistic/to fit in with the rest of the grounded setting these characters lived in. Like the whole world was being overtaken and run by the secret evil underground organization of Moriarty? It was too much. BBC Sherlock seemed like it was supposed to be serious, dramatic, artsy show. Only at same time the writers were constantly trying to go bigger every episode with this huge metaplot... and it got away from them. Half the show was an attempt at a serious, adult modern adaptation of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and the other half was a comic book. (Don't get me wrong I love comics and if they had committed to the bit it could have been great, but the half and half thing they went with was a nightmare of clashing tones.) This really became a problem after season two. They went too big too soon and ran out of room to be believable and then just took a nosedive into ridiculous. Also they just didn’t explain things well? Like how people spent years and years theorizing how Sherlock survived The Fall and then... they just didn’t give an answer? I think they didn’t have one. They didn’t bother to come up with how he did it. (And then made sure to poke fun at the fans for... caring about their show???? With that whole Anderson thing???) The writing always told us Sherlock was super smart and he pulled amazing deductions out of thing air... but that was the problem. They were out of thin air. The writing was lazy. It didn’t bother to set things up enough or just pulled answers out of its ass so Sherlock could win and look smart without the writers having to do the work to actually write a smart story. Good mysteries give you information along the way so that you can solve the case with the characters. BBC Sherlock just threw an impossible-for-you-to-know bit of info in at the end after Sherlock has “deduced” it so you can marvel at how smart he is. You know what else they call that? A plothole. Maybe it’s just not my taste. I will give it that benefit of the doubt. My personal preference would have been for a case of the week format with more police procedural level stakes. Not that that is "better" or anything. It's just what I wanted. Maybe an overarching plot with a Big Bad at the end but just... a slightly less big one.
A Fundamental Misunderstanding of Who Sherlock Holmes Is: This is not an issue unique to BBC Sherlock. It's a phenomenon of the popular culture seen many times before and will happen again, ie the fanon-ization of a character. Over time pop culture has come to think of the character of Sherlock as an arrogant asshole who is full of his own cleverness and cares little to none for others. Sometimes, you will see him softened with the introduction of his Good Friend Dr. John Watson and grow to be a better man for it. That is the path that BBC Sherlock went with. It can make for a compelling story and I get the appeal of a man softened by (platonic!!!!!! as everyone will insist) love for sure. When it was executed well (as it sometimes was and sometimes wasn't) this take that the BBC took was very moving. However, this interpretation misses the nuance of ACD's original work. The Sherlock Holmes he wrote about was not a man who was in need of having his heart opened. He was a deeply emotional and very sensitive soul. Og Sherlock was the type of man who stopped to observe a rose and remark on how beautiful it was and how such an “embellishment” on the world was the empirical proof of a loving god. (The Naval Treaty) He did not need John Watson to teach him to love. Yes, Original Sherlock Holmes would swear up and down that he did not care about others and that he was cold and unfeeling and unaffected by the world... and he would prove himself wrong immediately with the next action he took. He insisted he was rude and brusque and cruel and never actually was. This characterization started to make more appearances towards the later half of BBC Sherlock if I recall, but it still wasn't the man that ACD wrote about. To put it in perspective, in A Study in Scarlet by ACD when Sherlock and John first meet, Sherlock deduces that John had a brother who drank himself to death. When John is upset by his thoughtless remarks, Sherlock notices, feels badly, and apologizes for his insensitivity. ...A bit different than BBC.
Misogyny: It was bad. We all know it was. We all know who Steven Moffat is and what he is like. But condense it all into two points: Irene Adler. The Woman. In ACD’s story she bested Sherlock and he respected her deeply for it. She was one of the few people who could outsmart him. He also realizes the man Irene was blackmailing was an ass and ends up siding with her anyway. In BBC Sherlock however, she cannot be allowed to beat Sherlock because no one is allowed to ever be smarter than Sherlock. She ends up a damsel in distress that he must save and condescend to. Irene is a popular choice in adaptations as someone to pair Sherlock with despite the fact that in the original work there is nothing to suggest that he has any romantic feelings towards her at all. They are simply a man and woman existing in proximity. Which is evidently enough for some people. In ACD’s cannon Irene never shows up in person after A Scandal in Bohemia (she is referenced once or twice) and is very happily married to another man. Sherlock’s general attitude towards women: People like to portray him as really sexist? For some reason? Or the people writing him are sexist... hm... wonder if that is ever the case. Anyway. Yes, OG Sherlock does make remarks about how women are silly or untrustworthy but once again he doesn’t really back up his words. Many of his clients are women and he takes them seriously. He often asks them to help assist him on the case and never doubts their ability to perform the tasks that he requires of them. He says they are useless and he shows his belief in their capability. Also, to be honest a lot of it comes off as a defense mechanism. Like, “Girls? Oh no girls have cooties! Ew! Girls! Stupid women... would never want to hang out with them because men are so much better. Because we’re smart of course. And girls have cooties. Yes. That is why I will never marry. Not for any other, uh, gay reason.” Speaking of which...
The Johnlock of it all: Yes. We do need to talk about it. Many people have said it better and with more detail than I can but to summarize, well, the show writers did intentionally queer bait and then were massive fucking assholes about it. Enough said. Now let’s talk ACD’s cannon. Sherlock is gay. Like... he just is. The more I learn about Victorian society and euphemisms the more obvious it becomes. He hangs out in areas of London known for being home to “bohemians” those who are anti-establishment and pro (free)love and beauty and progress. (John considers himself a bohemian.) Sherlock is an Artsy dude and that has all the same connotations it does now. His whole ~thing~ was influenced by Oscar Wilde, who was one of the most famous(ly) gay men in the world at the time. He likes going to the Turkish bathhouses with John. He smokes. A lot. (Many gay men did at the time as a cover because Victorian society thought that smoking=manly=not gay) It’s pretty endless. Also. During Victorian times there were a huge number of former soldiers who were not being given the pension/support that they needed and in turn resorted to prostitution. You know who starts the very first Sherlock Holmes adventure as a recently discharged solider who has fallen on hard times? One Dr. John Watson. Yes. Seriously. He and Sherlock MEET at the Criterion, a bar known for being the place to go in London to find a gay sex worker.  John and Sherlock are extremely gay. John deserts Sherlock (gets married) for like one story before his wife dies and he’s back at 221B. They are life partners. It’s fact.
Anyway, that got longer than I’m sure you were interested in and was more about ACD’s Sherlock than BBC Sherlock but I hope you get where I’m coming from at least.
I am really only just rejoining/getting into OG Sherlock stuff and filling in my knowledge about it so I’m hardly an expert. But I really love this kind of thing and I adore OG Sherlock: the sensitive gay man who loves flowers and is kinda acab and pro helping the marginalized and who really loves his Very Best Friend Platonic Roommate Who He Likes to Hang Around with at Bathhouses Naked With, John Watson.
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pigstepmp3-moved · 3 years
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holy hell, gamers, i finally reached one whole thousand followers! how bonkers is that! when i first made this blog in december 2018, i was just trying to start over in a new fandom. ive been active on tumblr for a looong time (since i was like 11, which is. not great, but we wont get into that). i cant remember quite why i decided to remake, but i never imagined getting a higher following than i did before, but i did! 1000 followers is bonkers, i’ve never had a thousand of anything! i seriously cant thank each and every one of you enough, whether you followed me for 911 or for mcyt or for whatever!
now, since ive reached this absolutely bonkers milestone, im feeling particularly sappy! so under the cut, i have some friends and mutuals tagged who are super great n who are always an absolute pleasure to see on my dash! <3 again, thank you all so much! (ps, if we’re mutuals and i didnt tag u in this, that doesnt mean i dont love and appreciate you!! i mostly am just picking people to tag based off how often i see them on my dash! i love all of u so much <3)
♡ 911 FRIENDS ♡
(aka the ogs, aka the fire fam)
♡ @lovelessmotel ♡ emily!! god, where do i even begin with how much i love and adore you!! i know youre one of my big sisters, but wow i am so proud of how much youve discovered yourself since we’ve met!! like wow, look at this epic, gorgeous person whos one of MY close friends! im so lucky to be friends with you! thank you so much for being my friend, i appreciate you and all the sisterly advice you’ve given me more than i can ever put into words!
♡ @eddiediaz-buckley ♡ sav!! mom!! i love u so unbelievably much!! i am so unbelievably grateful for you and everything youve done for me! all the advice youve given me and all the times youve let me vent to you have been so important to me and i cannot thank you enough for all that. im soso appreciative of you and im so glad that i have someone as amazing as you as my mom/big sister (we’ll never really figure out our fams family dynamics, will we?) (ps, whenever i go outside and have my keys with me, its always so comforting to feel the keychain you got me! its like my moms with me everywhere i go!)
♡ @liesoverthec ♡ bonbonbonbon!!! i love you so much, you wouldnt BELIEVE how much i love you!!! im so glad we met bc you are so unbelievably kind!! there is a very good reason a nickname for u is bonbon bc you are just as sweet as candy!! maybe even more so!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, you give such wonderful advice and talking to you always makes me feel a million times better!! i love you and i am soso glad i get to call you my friend!
♡ @marauder-girl ♡ sabsabsab!! i love u so much, u funky lil future lawyer!! im so proud of u and i can hardly believe ur gonna be my Lawyer big sister!!! thats so awesome!! i cant believe such a rad person is one of MY friends!! how lucky am i!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, youre so kind and funny and talented and your advice has always been so helpful to me too! thank you so much for being my friend and for always being there for me!!
♡ @nighting-gale17 ♡ cait, my love, my wifey!!! wowowow i love u so much!!! im so glad we’re friends, you are so unbelievably lovely!! youre also so unbelievably talented like??? hey queen wanna hand some of ur writing ability over to the unfortunate (like me). i’m so glad we’re friends, youre so sweet and even tho we dont talk as much as we used to, i still have SO much love for you in my heart
♡ @africaneuropean ♡ rae, my father!! i love u so much!! i know we havent talked at all in. who knows how long. but i still have so much love for u in my heart!! you are so iconic and cool and funny, im so glad i met you n became friends with you!! ur one of the coolest people i know, i hope i can be as cool and mysterious and wonderful as you one day
♡ @evaneddie ♡ DHYL!!! dhyl pickle i love u so much!!! whenever u pop into my inbox with random nice messages, every part of me lights up!!! u are so kind to me and for what!! i miss talking to u as much as we used to, you are so sweet and you are such a good friend!! i love u n im SO proud of how far youve come with gif making, i still remember when u first started n youve gotten SO amazing at gifs lately!! i love u soso much n im so glad we’re friends, youre so awesome!!!
♡ @basil-the-writer ♡ des!!! i love u so much!!! i know we’ve never rly talked all that much but im glad we have interacted in the ways that we have!! u are so sweet n so talented!! like the fact that u have the patience for those lil video edits u do?? that is so cool!! all ur edits are so cool, i cannot imagine being able to make stuff like that without dying every single time. u are so cool n i love being able to call u my friend!!
♡ GRIFF ♡
(aka griff)
♡ @yawnralphio ♡ u get ur own section bc u are my only 911 friend who isnt an og, but thats ok bc u are so swaggy!! i love being friends with u griff, u are so cool and funny and i am so glad that u still want to be friends with me despite all of the horrifying things u’ve learned about mcyt from me jdhfajkdhfa. i love u so much n i am so excited to get to know u more n get closer to u!!
♡ FRUITBLR ♡
(aka mcyt friends)
♡ @fear-epidemic ♡ atlas u are so swaggy and funny!! tumblr funny man!! im so glad we’re mutuals, i love u a whole lot. that one time u me n wilby played bed wars together was so fun even if we’re really bad! n that one time we played on the fruitblr server while on vc was so fun, i loved talking to u n playing with u so much, we gotta do that again sometime. i love u so much chapin n im so glad we’re friends!!
♡ @netheritedream ♡ hari my beloved... i love u so much. like literally so much that its really embarassing. i am so glad u tagged me in that one follow forever post n put the offer on the table to let me join the server. i love being ur dumb lil husband!!! jus like actual fundy, i would risk it all to watch treasure planet with u. i love u sososo much, i wish i could live closer to u so i could actually talk to u more often </333 im going through severe withdrawal, pray for me. im gonna stop talking for now bc if i kept going on, this post would be several miles along n nobody has time for that </3 just know that i love u so much and i love having matching icons n i love being ur husband, i love u so much
♡ @sootswilbur ♡ tommy... i care you so much. little bromther!!! im sososo glad we’re friends bc u are so kind to me all the time n u are so easy to talk to!! ur also so talented, ur writing n ur gifs are so amazing n im so proud of all the awesome stuff u make!! seeing u experiment more with ur gif sets n trying new things is so awesome n inspiring and i love seeing ur experiments work out!! i love u soso much n im so happy to be ur big brother!! (or one of them at least)
♡ @fruitbur ♡ virgil my Other beloved... i love u so much!! u are one of the kindest people ive ever met n im so glad i met u!! i know ive already told u this before but ur tagging system is so sweet n i love seeing u reblog my posts bc im like “yay alastair is gonna tell me that he loves me in the tags :D” i also lovelovelove ur theme, i love the soft pink and the lil aesthetic board that u have pinned, its so nice to look at!!! ily sososo much <333
♡ @theartofmining ♡ hey fruit ily. like genuinely, u are so unbelievably funny that u make my ribs hurt so much. i know we’re like never rly that serious but i love u so much. as much as i joke about hating u, i really am glad we’re friends n i really look forward to becoming better friends with u. i love u a whole lot rain, i love seeing u on my dash bc ur full of good takes n funny posts
♡ @sapnaplive ♡ dream.... bonks our foreheads together... i care u so much. my other half!!! i love u with my whole little heart. u are soso cool and im so lucky to be able to call u my friend!! ur themes are always so cool, i wish i could be half as cool as them!!! ur art is also so epic like??? u are a triple threat: good at art, tumblr themes, AND minecraft building. and ur also so kind!!! u are one of the sweetest people i know, i love u so much and im so glad im friends with u!!
♡ @dreams-little-kitten ♡ corn u are so weird and i mean that in the kindest way possible. u are so cryptic n i love that so much about u. ur like the wilbur to my philza sometimes and i think thats so awesome. that one time u came into my inbox to talk shit about that one cuphead boss was so funny and absurd, i loved that so much. i love You so much. i love how ur just so effortlessly funny, n im so glad i can be friends with u
♡ @dreamsmp ♡  JEL!!!! i love u so much holy cow. u are so sweet!! all the time!!! ur also so talented, ur gifs always look so good!!! i love being friends with u, ur always so nice to me n u always leave rly nice tags when u reblog my gif sets that make me so happy!!! i think about that one time u rbed my fundy gif set n said “FUNDY GIFS” and “GIFS BY FUNDY” it made me so happy!!! i love u a whole lot, im so glad we’re friends :)
♡ @leaguelol ♡ damien!! i love u so much u funky little cryptid!! i love when u pop into the gc just to share cryptic thoughts, u are so strange but i think thats so cool of u!!! i honestly see u kinda like a lil sibling, im always so proud of u when i see ur art on my dash!! u are so talented at art!! i love u so much n i love being ur friend, ur rly sweet n i love seeing u on my dash and in the gc!!
♡ @its5undy ♡ idk why im putting u on this, ur my mortal enemy. jkjk, i actually love u a lot clay! i love joking around with u, ur so funny and for what. im so glad u joined the gc bc i love talking to you so much!! i still love that one time u reblogged that fwt gif set n tagged me in it moments after I reblogged it. i love that u thought about me, that rly warms my heart! i love being friends with u sososo much
♡ @cavalreee ♡ oh hey, another great big fruit!! i dont think we talk all that often, which is a shame, bc ur so sweet!! and also so fucking funny, why is everyone in this friend group so fucking funny, its not fair. i love seeing u on my dash talking with ur other friends, u always have the funniest convos ever. also? ur desktop theme is SO epic, it threw me off the first time i saw it but its so swaggy, just like u!! i love u soso much azzie, n i hope we can talk more in the future bc ur so cool
♡ @technosoot ♡ i love u even tho ur a br*t /j /j /j. jannat u are so unbelievably sweet. im so glad u joined the gc bc u are such a kind presence both in there and on my dash! u radiate very Warm, Friend energy. ur friend shaped. i love u so much n i love being friends with u!! im very eager to become closer friends with u bc u seem like a really amazing friend to have
♡ @sortasortaspicy ♡ les where are u in the gc i miss u </3 i love u so much, u fit in so well from the very beginning n brought so much more fun and laughter into the gc. i dont know u all that well n i dont think we’ve talked one on one like. at all. but id love to get closer to u bc ur so rad and ur so sweet!!
♡ EPIC PEOPLE  ♡
(aka mutuals who are so cool n id love to be friends with u pls talk to me)
@eurytherm ♡ @vampkings ♡ @weelbur ♡ @wilburtheesoot ♡ @quackityskarl ♡ @wimblrscoot ♡ @technofarmer ♡ @wooteena ♡ @bloodforblood ♡ @smpsapnap ♡ @literallynotfound ♡ @hearty-an0n ♡ @enderanboo ♡ @springbonniecpu ♡ @pandascanpvp ♡ @tommylnnits ♡ @strawberrygogy ♡ @timedeo ♡ @nymika-arts ♡ @h-isforhome ♡ @eboykarl ♡ @joe-alkaysani ♡ @betwecouldmakesome ♡ @squirrelstone ♡ @maddieandchimney
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