#its 2am i have to rant about SOMETHING for staying up this late so it may as well be people going out of their way to be rude | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kunimikat · 3 years

Text

How they act after you break up with them.

(I made sure to check but there might be small grammar errors, and this is a long one so strap in 🙇, but hope you enjoy angst+fluff here) but not me actually feeling bad for them after-

Is more out of it then usual.

The reason you broke up with him is because you felt like it wasn’t a real relationship. And more like you sometimes got to talk during class, and sometimes out of school.

He writes in his a separate notebook of ways he could’ve done better

Starts comparing himself to other guys more often

Leaves earlier then everyone else to got to dorms.

Mumbles even more then usual, and sometimes the only person that can snap him out of it is Aizawa.

Sometimes takes it out on his friends

“Hey Deku!-“

“Not right now Uraraka.”

“Oi, Deku nerd, the-“

“Can you not right now Kacchan?”

“HAAH?-“

“Midoryia! Would you like to study?”

“Maybe later Iida...”

Todoroki offered him soba but it resulted in Midoriya slowly slurping up soba as he looked into the void of people

He shut everyone one out and didn’t talk barely most of the week.

He’d take out a lot of his anger during training.

It somehow finally clicks into place how bad you feel and how much you miss him when All Might pull you aside and asks. “Uhhh...Is Young Midoriya ok? I’m getting real worried....ITS NOT LIKE I DONT WORRY ABOUT MY OTHER STUDENTS HAHAHA! HOW’S-

There’s 15 minutes of your life awkwardly telling All Might how all your classmates are doing.

Which made you want to jump off the top of UA at the moment.

You decide to head to his dorm and ask him about it, cause you feel like it’s your fault.

You walk in on him crying, clutching the shirt you bought for him on his birthday.

You almost dropped to your knees in guilt at the sight

You rushed over and sat by him, comforting him, though it wasn’t much as you started crying too.

Basically a crying festival for an hour.

“Please....Please Y/N I love you so much, I promise I’ll make it work, and I’ll do my best to make it up to you, just please...PLEASE don’t leave me.” You kiss him on the lips and then his hand, “Babe it’s not all on you, I promise I’ll do better this time too, I’m so sorry for being selfish, I love you, ok?” Another crying fest.

After you start dating again:

Always makes sure you’re comfortable, and checks into your dorm before he starts a study session.

Helps you with your work before his. ( Though you insist he doesn’t as he’s gotten points off multiple times for turning in his work late.)

Goes on dates every time you have some free space in your schedules. Somehow ends up in an All Might merch shop 80% of the time.

!!CUDDLE SESSIONS AFTER HERO TRAINING AT ALL TIMES!! Even in Recovery Girl’s office, though many times she bops you both on the head and tells you to get out.

(If you both like All Might) You both geek out over new All Might stuff, and his old interviews while wearing an All Might onesies.

(If you like a different hero) You could spend hours bickering on who’s best hero, pulling up recordings and articles on the. With you holding your favorite hero plushie and him wearing All Might pajamas.

And waking up early just to take a long route to school together.

Makes sure to say ‘I love you’ at every small moment, and compliments you, though he can’t take compliments himself-

If it’s a permanent breakup:

“I...I understand, but why?”

Tears well up in his eyes and he for once he keeps eye contact with you, without looking away

It takes everything in you to not breakdown

“I’m sorry Izuku, I just don’t think it’ll work out in the end.” He grabs your hand and holds it both of his. He puts it to his forehead, nearly on his knees at this point. You try not to cry with him, but you knew it wasn’t going to end up a happily ever after in the end. And you wanted to break it off before that could happen.

“Izuku, I know, I know, I’m so sorry, I wish it couldn’t end like this-“

“Then don’t let it. Please Y/N don’t let this end.”

You eyes welled up as you put a hand over your mouth while repeating ‘I’m sorry, so sorry Izuku’. You looked away from him as you slipped your hand out of his, you close your eyes painfully, the tears finally running down your face. You couldn’t help but look back one more time, and almost wanted to run to where he was and take it all back. He sat on his knees, his head in his hands as painful sobs wracked his body. You quickly leave the room, shutting the door behind you.

You both were pretty quiet and emotionless the whole week.

Midoriya was even worse then before,

It got to the point where sometimes he didn’t eat or sleep

He barely responded to anything anyone said

Hell, even Bakugo was worried at some point

Midoriya would always go back to his dorm and cuddle with the gifts you gave him while you were dating.

It took a long time for him to get over it, and even when he thought it did, he still gets emotional over it

Even after highschool it pains him to see your off doing your own thing without you at his side the whole time

Quieter then usual

Is so deep in thought, sometimes forgets he’s in class or what he’s doing

During tests, or while working on assignments he’d be so deep in thought he didn’t realize he broke his pencil, or used his quirk on his desk

Instead of having his usual outburst on people he’d just walk off, or click his tounge and walk off

Even during Hero Lessons he’d be less calculated, and not as pumped up

When anyone tried to ask he’d just say “Fuck off, I’m fine.”

His grades slightly dropped

He had bags under his eyes, and had even worse posture then usual

When it came time to leave, he’d be the first one out, and no one could find out where he’d go

A permanent frown was on his face at all times (basically him most of time but with a deeper frown)

No one knew what to do at this point

It didn’t click with you until one day during Hero Lessons

He was sparring with Kirishima and all of a sudden he fainted

Everyone was surprised to say the most

You rushed with Kirishima to Recover Girls office

You both almost busted the door off it’s hinges

She wacked you both on the head but quickly tended to Bakugo, surprising you both as she checked on him

“Oh....I wouldn’t have expected this from Bakugo.” You and Kirishima had confused looks on your faces. “Well he passed out from exhaustion, which I usually see with that foolish Midoriya boy. This one usually keeps up with himself, something must’ve happened.” She cut herself off as she saw the look on your face that said it all. She beckons Kirishima to follow her out, as he still wasn’t getting what was happening.

You finally got a good look at him, and saw just how exhausted he looked. The bags under his eyes, his bruised body, and how pained he looked in his sleep. You hugged the non-bruised part of his arm, and finally let the tears you held let go. “I’m sorry Katsuki...I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner.” Before you realized he woke up, he placed his free hand on your head, rubbing small and soothing circles on your head. “S’okay, let’s make this work.” You knew you didn’t have to say anything else as you both stayed like that until Recovery Girl came in to kick you both out.

After you start dating again:

Comes to your dorm everyday to get you up knowing you’d oversleep if he didn’t (also wants to see your sleeping face...not in a weird way)

Cooks you breakfast in bed on off days,

You guys cook something together when you have a movie night

Instead of yelling most times, he just makes sure he understands your side of everything before jumping to conclusions

Makes sure he isn’t too rough with you verbally (lol not sure physically)

Brings you to his parents house during some free time since you get along with his mom and dad well

Won’t admit it but adores the fact that his parents love you

Whispers ‘I love you’ when he’s made sure your ‘sleeping’ (you’re not, you just wanna hear him say it all shy like)

You guys go on training dates, where you both train together, then have a picnic where you just trained

Him being more open with PDA, like holding your hand, or laying his head on your shoulder, etc. just small stuff

He loves playing with your hair and twisting it around his fingers while cuddling or studying

You both cheer on your favorite hero during a fight on TV, or you pick a random channel on TV and you just listen to him rant how stupid something is while you lean onto his shoulder at 2am (somehow got him to stay up this late)

If it’s a permanent breakup:

“No...no...you can’t, you can’t be serious”

He sounded so broken. His fists clutched so hard you thought his bones would pop out

Anger was evident in his face, and he honestly scared you with the face he was making

“Y/N....are you joking?” You frown and step back a little, did he really think everything you said was a joke? “No Bakugo, I just think this isnt gonna work out in the end.” You heard him click his tongue, then just look at you in shock, then anger. He looked down, his bangs covering his expression. “So you’re just gonna end it like that? No working anything out, just break up? It was one fucking mistake Y/N.”

“Yeah one big mistake, you don’t suck faces with some other person on accident, Bakugo.” The venom in your voice slicing through the tension filled air. “Can you just fucking forgive me? I won’t do it again.”

“You said that last time, Katsuki, then you go and clown off again-“

Before you could get anything else out Bakugo already had his quirk going in one hand, and the other holding your shoulder down. You both looked surprised, even as he backed away. “No..nononono fuck Y/N baby I’m sorry-” you smacked the hand that reached out for you. You started packing everything, Bakugo’s eyes widened as he just stood in shock. Before he knew it you were leaving already.

“N...NO NO Y/N PLEASE, I’M SORRY-“ he grabbed you by the arm that reached for the door knob. You quickly shrugged him out of his grasp, and opened the door. “Goodbye Bakugo, I hope well for the next person with you.” And you slammed it in his face. He stood there, it’s like the emotions he felt before were completely wiped when you slammed the door on him. It was 8:03pm, he should start getting ready for bed anyway.

For a few weeks he was unresponsive, and only talked when he needed to

His movements were sluggish and he’d often stare at nothing

Bakugo didn’t even glare, or really do anything when Midoriya tried talking him

Or shittyhair, dunce face, raccoon eyes, or soy sauce face

They were all the same, and just molded into one voice every time someone tried talking to him

After a while he got over it, but he still regrets what he did

You helped him through so much yet he went off and did stupid shit

Even after highschool, he’d still keep up on you frequently through social media

Basically stalking you on there, guessing he never truly got over it once he felt tears subconsciously stream down his face as he saw you with someone else, happier.

He felt like he didn’t do anything wrong, and he was confused at the throb in his heart every time you looked away from him or ignored him.

So he did ask you, and all you did was look at him like he just hit you.

Why did you look so hurt?

Todoroki shrugged it off, thinking you’d come back like you did after every fight you guys had

But you didn’t, and that’s what took an actual toll on him

More emotional

A permanent frown on his pretty features most of the time

All he mostly eats is soba

He didn’t know how to handle this in all honesty

Sometimes he’d just stare at you, and even when you looked back he’d just stare...

Sometimes he’s so out of it he doesn’t realize he’s either froze the entire classroom or was a living breathing radiator, or both (rip Momo, Satou, and Tokoyami)

He’d ask Midoryia for help but it came out as a fumbled mess most of the time:

“Midoryia...how do you hurt....them, a lot...without...? Can you help?

Midoryia is just like:

(Sorry I had to add that in I was cackling sm from it)

“I think you should just talk to them Todoroki.”

That was harder to do then he expected, you mangaged to avoid him pretty well,

One day he was just fed up and as soon as the bell rang he took your hand and left the class

He takes you to an empty classroom, his left side nearly giving you frostbite

You were about to yell at him before you saw his broken expression

“What...what did I do for it to be like this?” You we’re now quiet as you saw the confused and hurt expression on his face. Him barely being able to control either of his quirks, he was shaking, yet still held a confused expression. It just clicked with you, Todoroki wasn’t used to the sudden emotions or feelings, and when one of the people he’d usually go to to talk about it wasn’t there, he started to crumble.

You hugged him tightly , not caring if his quirks messed up your uniform. “I’m sorry Y/N....I’m sorry I’m not enough, but-“ You cover his mouth as tears fell from your eyes and onto the ground or his uniform. “I- I-I’m so sorry Todo...it’s just you never gave me affection and I was being so selfish and petty about it, I just- I didn’t realize that you went through your own experience for it to turn out like this. It’s not your fault, and I love you the way you are Shoto.” Todoroki didn’t even notice the tears come down his face as you kissed him over and over again. A small ‘I’m sorry’ from you every time. His quirks calmed down and now you were holding each other in a random classroom. You’re heart nearly stopped as you looked up at him and saw a small, teary eyed smile.

After you start Dating again:

Todoroki was much more observant

He’d stay up late readings articles saying “How to understand emotions” or “Is there other good food then Cold Soba” wait-

Regularly gets you gifts, even though most of the time you make him return the stuff since he’s been getting so much with his dads card

Endeavor ended up yelling at you both in a 7/11 while you were stuffing your faces with a soba flavored chips

You both figured out a way to get Todoroki to express himself without words

He’d slightly activate his left side if he wanted any sort of attention, and his right side was if he was feeling stressed or upset

He subconsciously goes to your dorm now to check up on you to make sure you’ve had a glass of water, dinner or anything really (He just wanted a reason to go to your dorm)

You played with his hair once, and he’s never going back

When cuddling he’d lay his head in the crook of your neck, hoping to feel you playing with his hair

You push him to start taking therapy sessions to understand what emotions he’s feeling and how to express them

Takes you in your free time to an empty field just to hear you talk, and learn more about you

And he’d always wake up early and made sure to get a few snacks for you before you woke up and brought them to your dorm room (Last time he tried to cook he almost burned the kitchen down)

Overall Todoroki just loves giving you small head pats now, you don’t know where it came from but you didn’t complain

Poor bby stuttered so hard the first time he said ‘I love you’ you giggled

Ended up making him feel embarrassed and like he did something wrong, but you quickly kissed him/praised him

He can’t stop saying it now, one time you picked up his pencil, before you could hand it to him just a sudden “I love you Y/N” the entire class looked at you both in shock

“STOP SUCKING FACES OVER THERE!”

“SHUT UP BAKUGO”

“HAAAH?”

Todoroki is the happiest he’s been.

If it’s a permanent breakup:

“Over? What do you mean we’re over?”

You felt so horrible by the the pure confusion on his face

But the rude things he said to you, over powering your want to get back with him

Lately Todoroki has been more protective, and rude. Insulting everything you do, belittling you slightly. It just added up and you were tired of it

Todoroki tilted his head to the side, deep in thought.

“Y/N your being on the dumber side again, are you hanging out with them too much?” You were taken aback by how nonchalantly he insulted you and your friends. “Excuse me? Todoroki did I hear you right?” You stepped foward leaning your head toward him. “Of course you can, or did Bakugo’s yelling make you not hear so well?” The fact he said it with no emotion, or nothing to it was making you clench your fist. “The hell has gotten into you Todoroki?” You shove his shoulder a bit. He frowned at you heavily making you flinch. “Well if you didn’t go and ignore me most of this week maybe I wouldn’t be like this. I usually hold my tongue but you’ve been rude this entire week.”

You stood there speechless. “Well Ex-fucking-cuse me Shoto. Maybe if you didn’t insult me all the damn time I wouldn’t ignore you, or wait for an decent apology.”

You drag out the last words as you glared at him, Todoroki giving one back. “I’m only telling the truth so you don’t look dumb. I’m helping you out Y/N, I thought you’d understand.” You scoff in utter shock, you couldn’t help the sudden urge to slap some sense into him. Now he stood speechless, the force in that slap causing his hair to look messy, and a red mark on his cheek. Tears were in your eyes as you clenched your fist, biting your lip from cussing him out on the spot. “Your lucky I don’t beat your sorry ass, just...just the the fuck out Todoroki!” You pushed him toward the door. He looked at you with no emotion in his face as he saw you start to bawl your eyes out. “Just...just get the hell out Todoroki, it’s over, we’re over.” He felt a pang in his heart, but choose to ignore it and just left.

It only actually came to him during the night as he was about to walk to your dorm after a nightmare, when he realized the entire conversation

He tried knocking on your door but you didn’t answer, even though he could hear your music

He went back to his dorm, sat on his bed and just had a full mental breakdown

Realizing his main emotional support that helped him through mostly everything was gone

He felt he said stuff his father said to you already which made it even worse

He tried texting and calling you but you had him blocked on everything

He repeated the entire conversation in his head, just now coming to how disgusting he really did sound

Todoroki for that whole week was an emotional wreck

During hero training if he was thinking about you or what he did he doesn’t notice poor Satou trying to get out of his wall of Ice.

Is always with Midoryia at some given time,

He kind of clinged onto people in his circle that gave him attention of some sort

When he some time passed he eventually got over it

After Highschool you both kept in touch, but it pained him when he saw you engaged and happy with another person

But he was happy if you were happy.

Heyyy so this is probably the longest thing I’ve written since like my last Wattpad fanfics I used to do(yikes). But hope you enjoy, and don’t be afraid to request! I’m taking them now so go wild.

Sorry that they were all confusing it’s my first hcs+scenario thingy, but I have a few other things in the works so... 💃🕺

2K notes · View notes

technowoah · 3 years

Text

Cant Handle This

Quackity's facade keeps breaking, and he tries to keep the pieces together. You're the only one who can make him show his true self

- Quackity x gen neutral reader

- this is a long one yall.

Now playing...

Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant)

Bo Burnham

0:01 ─●──────── 3:29

⚠︎ swearing, angst, mentions of mcyttwt, based on the song above, and ofc its not proofread

Part of my Inside Special!

Quackity sat in his chair currently streaming right now, he seemed like he was having a good time from your spot on his bed. You were currently laying on his bed after he invited you here to relax.

You two had laid in his bed just enjoying eachothers company until he got a call from Tommy saying he was ready for the lore stream which sent Alex into a frenzy. Alex sent out a quick "Im sorry" about the lateness of his stream and then quickly set everything up.

He then started to stream which left you alone on the the bed to your own devices. You were scrolling through Twitter looking at Alex's fans talk about what's happening on the stream and posting screenshots of his character and himself.

You admired him from afar as he ended the lore part of his stream, he took time to type on his phone to text you that he decided to stream longer to talk to his fans. He looked to you and you have him a nod with a smile and he gave one back.

"Hey guys! That's the end of the lore!" He exclaimed to his chat as he types at his computer setting a new background.

You continued to listen to him praise his chat for supporting him and making him be able to make those types of streams. You were always proud of Alex no matter what he did, you were always his number one supporter no matter what happened in reality or on the internet.

"So anyways! I wanted to talk to you guys! How are you all?" He smiled at his camera looking back and forth from his chat.

◇T0mm71nn1t: THE STREAM WAS SO GOOD QUACKITY

"Oh thank you! Im glad I could share this with you. It takes so much to put into these movite type streams, so I know now it is all worth it."

Quackity's pov. . .

He felt so overwhelmed, he shouldn't have began to stream again. The stress of putting everything together, plus being late to the stream made him rush into it more. He just wanted to lay back down with his lover who was enjoying watching him stream, and that's the goal he wants. His goal was to entertain, it was his job and he doesn't want to fail, he doesn't want to crack.

◇Mayatooni3: WE LOVE YOU QUACKITY

◇catiiequak: QUACKITY ITS MY BIRTHDAY CAN I GET A HAPPY BIRTHDAY??

◇yriaaolic: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

"Happy Birthday!" He said seeing the comment pass in a second. "Happy Birthday to anyone who's Birthday it is today."

Right now it was hard. It was hard to keep up when there was always a constant demand, the constant need to be perfect, his past being brought up, and trying to one-up his content everytime. He loved this, but at the same time it had the same weight as a job.

In the back of his mind he knew the "When is Quackity streaming???" is mostly lighthearted, he never wants to leave.

"Quack are you okay? Im fine! Just thinking about how to get something to eat at 2am." He laughed lying to his fans, he wanted to stop this stream.

He kept looking over to his lover lying their head on his pillow scrolling through their phone and alternating their vision from him and their phone. He always caught a glimpse of their small smile everytime he looked. He was doing something right.

"Do yall think Taco Bell is open? The only problem I have is that Im fucking starving."

He paused for a moment taking a deep breath trying to keep his emotions down. The stress was getting to him, and he fucking knew it, but he didnt stop. He was going to get burnt out eventually and stop streaming and YouTube all together, but he needed this. He needed a break, he needed to take time for himself and stop putting on a happy face when he isnt.

TTS ◇pulixsaxe: "Did you see what was happening on Twitter quackity?"

"Wait what's happening on Twitter?" He asked with a weary laugh.

I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are

Pringle cans, and burritos

The truth is, my biggest problem's you,

Your eyes widened as he mentioned Twitter. Truth be told he was trending because of his stream, yes, but also they brung up stuff from his past again in the wake of another content creator's past or present being brought up. You hadn't paid attention to that, you were only getting fueled up from Twitter bringing up an issue that he already had addressed.

Tempted to speak and tell him its fine, he already spoke up before you.

"I bet it's fine! I dont wanna... I don't need to look." He said with a smile. He always had that smile on.

Either it was a full smile or a half smile. It never left his face and it comforted you somehow. Maybe it was that you were his significant other, but you always wondered if anyone saw the same things as you. The things like his smile that never left his face.

"Yeah! I dont need to look at that." He waved his hand dismissing the comment away. He then sighed letting his shoulders relax as you saw his smile fade and his eyes close for a second and immediately put that small smile back on his face while his eyes were glossy, but bright.

He needed to end this stream soon. You saw his face fall then in a split second come back to life except his eyes were glossy with tears. You wondered if anyone else noticed.

"I want to please you

But I want to stay true to myself

I want to give you the night out that you deserve"

His eyes tearful as he tried to blink them away trying to not make a scene.

"Sorry! Allergies ugh!" He said as he wiped his tears away claiming them as allergies.

"Are you crying? No! Im not a pussy!" He yelled at his chat in a joking manner.

He was crying and he felt weak. He felt emotionally weak, and weak as in not strong, he didn't feel strong and his lover who was sitting on his bed with a concerned look on their face always told him that it's okay to feel weak. The only meaningful thing is how you pick yourself up, they always told him, bur now he felt at rock bottom.

He wanted to give his fans "himself", the goofy, lovable, loud, quick-witted, Quackity. But then again his lover always told him to separate Quackity from Alex. He wanted to give himself to his audience, he wanted to be authentic and share himself, but he cant. Alex isn't all laughs, he is serious, calmer, and when he gets on the screen is when he lets it all out then goes back to his more calmer self. That's not what they want.

"But I want to say what I think

And not care what you think about it"

Giving himself meant dialing back, he wants to tell how hes actually feeling, he wants to say what he thinks about Twitter, what he thinks about certain friends, about his fanbase, and then leave it alone. He wanted to delete social media and then speak his mind without knowing what anyone is saying about it. It was paradise to him, but of course it cant be that way and that's what he hates. He feels like a actor when he really wants to be himself.

"A part of me loves you,"

Alex loved his fanbase, he had such a supportive fanbase that loved his content. Some of them did atleast he didn't fully know, but they gave him the courage to do this time and time again knowing that his content is at least taking them from the harsh reality of real life for a few minutes or hours. This was the reason he did this, for them.

Alex would never admit this but they boosted his ego too, it would for anyone. The fact that there were people who wanted and enjoyed content from him made him feel good about himself.

"part of me hates you"

He hated the contant criticisms, he hates that they feed his ego so much that it makes him want to stream more to feel good about himself and to make people get away for awhile. Alex knew inside of his heart he couldn't truly hate his fanbase, they gave him everything he ever wanted. He hates them for that and that's such a scary thing. He never fails to wonder if he did the things to deserve all the love and hate he gets.

"Part of me needs you,"

They feed his ego, they make him want to go above and beyond. Alex knows that his fanbase is the reason he is here in this chair infront of three expensive monitors. He knows that this is some sort of a job that he needed. He needed the push to keep going and that was them, it was the 200k people watching his stream watching him answer questions about him and

"part of me fears you"

He was fearful of loosing himself to them. Loosing his authenticity to them was something he feared. He didnt want his funny, loud persona to consume him and make him forget about Alex instead of Quackity. He fears what they think as well, he claims he doesnt care, but he does he wants to please them. It feels like two parts of his brain fighting about if he should care or not.

"And I don't think that I can handle this right now"

The text-to-speech bot continued to speak out people's comments that theu paid for while he sat there quietly. He bit his bottom lip trying to not break down infront of everyone he needed to be strong. He needed to be strong.

If he looked up at the camera everyone would see his tears, they would see him breaking.

He played it off as he brough his shirt up to wipe the tears away, claiming it as sweat.

"Im good! Im sorry I spaced out for a second." He shook his head.

He saw you look at him with that same concerned look on your face. As he switched his gaze between you and his computer, he felt his tears come back again.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"Alex." You tried to get his attention.

"Yeah guys Im fine!"

"Alex"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I have plans later for another lore stream, so Ill start doing that later tonight."

"ALEX!" You yelled and his head turned around to face you.

"What?" He laughed, biting his lip again.

You couldn't stop him doing this, you could try to course him into going to bed, but right now you couldn't find the words. You just stared at him while he looked at you with a somber smile trying to tell you that he was okay.

He felt his mind telling himself that he need to rest. He wouldnt allow himself to and thats why he was breaking down.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

Alex was blinking rapidly trying to keep his breathing and tears at bay while he answered his fans.

"My allergies are fine! And I drank water today."

◇moonchild21: WE LOVE YOU

◇sopusand: Why do you look like that?

◇wuackityoo: are you crying??

"Crying is for the weak! I am a strong manly man! Im crying cause I noticed how alpha I am!" He tried to play it off as a "Im a man" joke but you could see right through it.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

You had sent a quick text to Alex which told him to end the stream for his own mental health, but he left the message unread. He began sniffing and the wiping his eyes again. It was a wreck and you couldn't seem to stop it without literally dragging him out of his chair.

Meanwhile the screens were getting to Alex. Alex's eyes were getting tired of the bright screens and the rapid messages that popped up on the screen overwhelmed him for what it seemed like the first time ever in his strraming career. He wanted to give them the fun night they deserved and wanted, but he knows it's getting hard to. He dosent know how long he can keep this up.

As Alex kept joking around about his eyes and physical state the chat was filled with "LMAO" and "HAHAHA" which fuled him more and then at the same time makes him want to stop.

Look at them, they're just staring at me, like

"Come and watch the skinny kid with a

Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts

To give you what he cannot give himself"

He cannot give himself the luxury of happiness. As he went on with his career it became more and more like a chore, there was mostly down days and of course there were up days, but recently Alex gave his fans the happiness and laughes they wanted while when he turned off the camera he couldn't replicate that same energy as he had before.

It messed him up, he felt himself become separated from his streaming. He wasn't being himself anymore he was being Quackity and that became more apparent as the days passed. He wanted to be himself on camera and at first thats what he thought he was doing. He was himself then it turned into a persona.

Alex wasn't okay and he he needed to take a break from the internet for a while, but he tries to act like he dosent have a dilemma going on inside of his head everytime he sits in this seat. Its for the fans.

"Think that I can handle this right-

I don't think that I can handle this right-

They don't even know the half of this right-

They don't even know the half of it"

"Alex you need to end the stream. Please?"

He looked towards you again where you moved your position from the middle of the bed to sitting up on the end of the bed.

"Ive told you millions of times." He paused for a moment looking down at his lap before looking back up to you. "Im-Im okay." He nodded trying to convince you.

"But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show

I should probably just shut up and do my job, so here I go"

"Cant you belive them!" He laughed to his camera. You scoffed at his comment but still kept an eye on him as he talked.

You didnt need to baby him at all, but right now you were worried about your lover.

Alex continued talking and talking, which you drowned out. You were focused on his face and how he faltered time to time just showing a small frown.

He laughed and showed them a good time even though he was hurting. He kept going and going and you were convinced he was going to hold out until you heard him sniff multiple times while trying to make a joke about the new Minecraft update and how the glow squid has no use.

"Stupid ass squid! Why- why? Its no use expect for glowing ink. Who voted for that!?"

You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme

And if they still don't understand you, then you run it one more time

"Dumbass squid!" He pulled up a picture if the squid as he yelled at it.

You began to worry even more as you saw tears running down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away, but he knew everyone saw.

Handle this right

You don't even know the half of this right now

Right now (Haa!)

Now

Handle this right

I'll handle this right, I handle this right now

Alex leaned back in his seat and had a blank stare towards the monitor. Looked down for a second and then you heard sobbing coming from his spot. Alex had his head in his hands and was crying harshly into them.

He had finally broken, he couldn't stop the tears from coming and the loud sobs that came from his mouth. He was trying to desperately breathe in to be able to sob, but ended up hiccuping while doing so.

Your eyes widened as you rushed to him resting your hand on his knees and you kneeling infront of him.

"I cant do fu-fucking anything!" He yelled into his hands.

"Hey! I know. Its okay." You tried to console him.

"Its not I try so hard! And I-"

You cut him off. "You are a hard worker Alex and you deserve a week or two off. Take care of you self babe." You stood up bringing his hand with you and trying to make him stand up. He followed your movements and stood up with you putting his head on your shoulder crying into it.

"I just ca-cant right now!"

"You dont have to do anything right now babe."

"Im sorry!" Alex sobbed.

"Dont be." You said bluntly trying to get your lover to calm down.

You rubbed his back soothingly as he sniffled into your shoulder. "Im sorry for ruining your shirt." He tried to laugh through his tears.

"Dont be sorry! Please. You just need rest okay?" You kissed his forehead and he nodded in response.

Alex raised his head up an started to pepper kisses all over your face as you laughed. He gave you one last peck on the lips as he walked away to quickly change into night clothes. You smiled as he laid underneath the covers and continued to softly cry into his sheets. At least he was in bed and not makijg himself even worse.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, it was like a flood that could only be stopped with time. He felt like a boulder was lifted off his shoulders only to be replaced with smaller rocks. The smaller rocks was the guilt he held. He felt guilty of making his lover worry about him, he didnt want you to worry.

You rushed over to his desk and turned off the stream and his computers not even bothering to give them a goodnight or goodbye. After the computer lights were turned off it was quite dark in the room except for small light.

Finally you were where you wanted to be all day, in bed with Alex. But this wasnt the predicament you wanted.

"Forgive me. I just cant do shit right can I?" His eyes were still full of tears and he was getting tired.

"Alex dont listen to anyone but yourself." You tried to console him.

"That's what I'm telling myself."

Silence filled the room as you looked at him through tearful eyes of your own.

"Alex, you're so amazing and I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much you change my life. You do so much shit right its scary sometimes. Some days I think you're perfect, but there's-"

"There's no such thing as perfect." Alex finished your sentence.

"Exactly! Even the best people have their downfalls, they just dont show it. And Alex I know you struggle with that! All I can say is that I love you for you." You finished.

"Can I talk to you about my dilemmas?" He tried to laugh again.

"Tomorrow we can talk. We both need the rest." You said to him as he closed his eyes and nodded in response. He gave you a kiss on you lips before laying back down to sleep.

"Thank you."

"Thank you

Good night

I hope you're happy"

TRENDING

ARE YOU OKAY

10.1k tweets

QUACKITY

20k tweets

ARE YOU OKAY QUACKITY?

13.7k tweets

339 notes · View notes

azucanela · 4 years

Text

17. 2AM CALLS | TODOROKI SHOUTO

1K CELEBRATION MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: When Y/N can’t sleep, she decides, what better to do than call Shouto Todoroki himself. Of course, she didn’t actually expect him to pick up, seeing as it was 2AM. But when he does pick up, Y/N can’t help but feel comforted by his presence.

WORD COUNT: 1.1k

WARNINGS: brief mentions of nightmares, brief mentions of endeavor[yes he has a warning],

A/N: as you can see im in the mood to write for bnha folks atm anyways its a lil short but like shouto os

If Shouto was honest, he hated structure. He hated the idea of a daily routine he had to follow, and it was probably because he’d been following a schedule since his childhood. He’d had the time he woke up, ate, trained, and slept all dictated for him, to ensure he was prepared for his future— more accurately the future his father wanted him to have.

Maybe that made him sound a little bit like an anarchist but Shouto didn’t particularly care. Now, that he was in the UA dorms, he’d never had so much freedom. He chose when he woke up, ate, went to bed, trained, everything was his choice.

And his choice was to stay awake until 2AM because it’s the weekend and he can do what he wants. Of course, Shouto was being mildly productive, doing his homework ahead of time for not just his sake but also Y/N’s, full well knowing that she hasn’t even started yet and he’s going to have to explain it to her.

He’s putting his things away when his phone begin to vibrate on the desk, causing his brows to furrow. Shouto was fairly sure that nobody he knew was awake at this time, so he couldn’t help but wonder who was calling him as his eyes fell on the profile picture that had filled his entire phone screen. He’d taken it while they were out at some coffee shop she liked, Y/N had been staring out the window while she talked about a book she’d recently read, coffee in hand. Shouto thought she looked nice and snapped a picture, not that Y/N noticed as she was too engrossed in her rant.

Why was Y/N awake right now?

He’d noticed her fatigue in class and asked if she’d been sleeping well. She’d answered yes, but that didn’t really soothe his worries, nor did this call. Shouto quickly realized that if he didn’t pick up soon she’d be forced to voicemail, and propped the phone up against the wall before hitting accept for the call. He couldn’t hear much except a small gasp, and her forehead was visible only for a moment before she directed her camera to aim towards the ceiling.

“Y/N?”

The face of the girl in question appeared the screen, albeit only the side of her face was visible due to the poor positioning of her phone. “Hi, Sho.” She mumbles, face buried into her pillow, turning so that only half of her face is pressed against the pillow as she continues, “why are you up?

She sounds tired, and looks tired— something Shouto had learned was not to be mentioned— which left Shouto wondering just why exactly she hadn’t gone to bed. “I was finishing up some schoolwork.” Comes his reply, “and you?”

A small smile comes onto Y/N’s face as she hums in reply, inhaling deeply, Shouto notices that she’s wearing a shirt he recognized as his own. He finds himself thankful that she’s struggling to stay awake, failing to notice that a blush had dusted his cheeks as she replies, “bad dream.”

His brows furrowed at these words, though they were vague, Shouto had a feeling it hadn’t been the first night Y/N had been plagued by ‘bad dreams’ and made a silent note to himself to ask about it in the morning as he asked, “and why did you call me?” His face remained rather apathetic but Y/N seemed to notice the worry in his tone.

“Just wanted to talk to you.” Y/N says, eyes finally flickering over to her phone screen, “you make me feel safe Sho.”

Shouto’s mouth gaped open slightly at her words, he found himself at a loss as he stared. Though the entire career path that he was pursuing involved making others safe, Shouto felt his chest tighten at the fact that she felt safe around him, and they weren’t even in the same room. He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat as he spoke, “I see.”

Y/N laughed at his choice words, pulling her blanket up over her chin as she mumbled, “could you just stay on call for me?” Y/N rolled over, arms stretching above her head before one of them comes to rest over her eyes, “you don’t have to talk or anything just— just stay on the phone for a little bit. Please?”

“Of course.” The words leave him almost instantly, and a small smile graces Y/N’s face as she shuts her eyes. “I will always keep you safe, Y/N. So, rest.” The girl’s eyes open, and for the first time since she’d called him, Y/N looks awake as she opens her mouth to reply, only for Shouto to continue, “besides. Your dorm isn’t too far from here, if you were attacked, surely I would know. Also, any villain foolish enough to attack a school of future Pro Heroes and actual Pro—”

A laugh escapes her once more as she rolls back over to her side, now facing the phone, “always so literal, Shouto.” Silence follows her words for only a moment, “but... thank you. Really.”

Shouto doesn’t know how to respond, so he simply offers her a small smile accompanied by a nod of reassurance—an awkward nod, but a nod nonetheless. But the silence that followed didn’t feel all the awkward, if Shouto was honest it was a rather comfortable one that came between them, the sound of Shouto typing away at his now open computer while Y/N laid on her bed. He doesn’t know exactly how long the call went on, but it wasn’t long til Shouto realized that her questionable late night ramblings had ceased, his eyes returning to his phone screen once more to see her asleep. Chest rising and falling slowly with each breath, Shouto couldn’t help but be captivated by the sight of her.

He murmurs her name quietly, a test to see if she’s awake, and Y/N stirs with a small hum in response. “You should go to bed, Y/N.”

“You should too.” She grumbles, eyes still shut as she presses her head into the pillow. “I’m not the only one who needs sleep.”

“Then we both go to sleep, alright?”

She nods slowly, shifting slightly in the bed as her eyes opened slightly. “Goodnight Shouto—” Y/N yawned, and Shouto could see her finger move towards the phone, “love you, bye.”

Maybe it meant nothing to her. Just another passing moment, something completely accidental caused by a mix of sleep deprivation and stress. But those words had meant everything to him. Leaving Shouto to sit in his room, shock flooding as he stares at his phone, the end call screen flashing on phone.

Shouto finds himself typing.

Shouto <3 Goodnight Y/N. I love you, too. [2:01AM]

TAGS[lmk if you wanna be added or removed via asks or replies]

@shawkneecaps

@shigarakis-fifth-hand

@beifongsss

#todoroki x reader #shoto x reader #shouto x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha x you #todoroki x you #shoto x you #shouto x you #shouto todoroki x you

439 notes · View notes

muwur · 4 years

Text

snapchat headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for using snapchat w ur boi toi ft. the pretty setter squad

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.1k words

a/n: kinda a combo of how they use sc and the kinds of snaps they send you! along w wat u send them, and uh... dating stuf n shenanigans? texting/snapping habits? my fantasies? IDEK ANYMORE EOFHEFJ

this was born from the recesses of my mind , which desired nothing mor than snapchats from suga , us sending cute selfies , others bein dumb n chaotic , no context videos , n him snapping me photos of some mangoes on sale he said he’ll buy for me DXX it’s too late for me now

doing research on hq bois and surfing thru sc features (im just now realizing theres quite a bit?? im hoping i address most of them at some point lolol) instead of real life tings aHHhhhHAHA

requests: open! will be working on a suga one i got, dw, requester!

sugawara

✧ sends good morning and good night snaps

✧ so he’s rlly good at keeping streaks, probs has the longest ones (one of them being y’alls streak)

✧ posts tidbits of volleyball practice on his story every once in a while

✧ snaps you pics of his sleeping teammates when they’re coming back to school after a long day of matches , adding a single ‘❤️’ as a caption

✧ he will also create colorful masterpieces on all of them

✧ gives daichi a santa beard, tanaka a squiggly stache (i imagine it to look like spongebob n patrick’s seaweed ones now that were mEN), n kageyama sum angry brows,,, wait he already has them lolol u good der kags

✧ posts a picture of you when you’re hanging out, captioning it: “🥰“

✧ has conversations with you purely via snaps

✧ ranges from casual chats and checking up on u to crackwhoring ( ** indicates the photo, while the “” quotes indicate the caption, all snaps are italicized, otherwise its regular dialogue)

✧ suga: *peace sign* “hey sweetheart, how r u?”

✧ you: *pics of homework* “ahh, drowning in school ;-; i cant wait for this week to be over fghjkl”

✧ suga: *close up with :o on his face* “let’s study together tmrw!”

✧ or

✧ suga: *complete darkness* “its 3 am n i cant sleep”

✧ you: *the top half of your head, laying on a pillow* “ ;( aw babe. do u want me to send something to help u sleep?”

✧ suga: *still in darkness* “y u still up?? go sleep. n 🥺 yes pls”

✧ you: *snaps pics of feet* “that’ll be 50 bucks, pay up”

✧ suga: *darkness remains* “can we make a trade instead? i promise to make it worth ;)”

✧ ok now u BOTH cant sleep (im sry my crackheading be acting up around 2am eeryday, i stan a mischievous suga--)

✧ video chats (in the darkness lol) instead until you both pass out (im not in luv u r 😭)

✧ super down to take filtered selfies w you

✧ does all the silly ones with you (things like ’angry face’ or the frog one)

✧ but also rlly digs lookin cute with you using some heart crowns, y’all an aesthetic (n crakhead) duo fosho

✧ def subscribes to life hacks and tries them out himself, has a 50% success rate

kageyama

✧ doesn’t rlly use snapchat too much

✧ but when he does

✧ will either send you a picture to indicate he’s at volleyball practice (wow wat a sexi lookin gym floor)

✧ or some random picture of whatever he’s doing at the moment (*drinking milk*)

✧ this is mostly in order to save streaks

✧ he’s so bad at streaks

✧ “why does it matter?? what’s the point of sending just black screens or whatever’s in front of you at the moment??”

✧ can’t keep a consistent streak for more than 3 days and also doesn’t care (until hinata challenges him to see who can have the longer one)

✧ when you send him videos of him playing, he really focuses on them to try to improve his technique. asks you to send those vids to him (assuming u saved them, which u did)

✧ but when you look over his shoulder when he’s watching a video and give him some compliment (“i recorded at the perfect moment! that was a really good set, kageyama!”), he gets a bit flustered

✧ gets even more flustered but pretty happy whenever you post videos on your story showing karasuno winning some points with captions like:

✧ “footage of the legendary quick >.>” or “karasuno crows flyin high!” or “these bois make my heart 😭 im so proud”

✧ you WILL catch him off guard in photos, using filters that surrounds his head w/ emojis like 🥺💖🥰💘

✧ you also put these on your story (to his dismay)

✧ ppl comment on these mor than anything else (n for those who dont rlly kno kageyama, theyre kinda surprised to him like this)

✧ hinata snickers “hey kageyama you look pretty good here--”

✧ takes some selfies with you, mostly cuz you want them

✧ saves them after u send them over (n secretly cherishes them)

✧ occasionally watches his subscriptions, they’ll usually involve sports, mostly volleyball (who woulda guessed)

✧ you use his bitmoji to test out random facial expressions you would never see him wear

✧ you: “can you smile and wink like this? act like you’re the obnoxious charming guy in a shojo.”

✧ will actually attempt, but it looks so bad that you die inside and he never wants to try again cuz of ur laughing outburst (you: “😭😭 bb im sorry i couldnt help it”)

oikawa

✧ literally sends you anything and everything

✧ morning bathroom selfie to show off how good his hair came out that day, saying:

✧ “he has risen”

✧ or “i woke up like this”

✧ and my favorite, “you’re lucky you get this content for frEE”

✧ selfies with iwa, who just looks annoyed and exasperated at the camera

✧ sends you pics of his lunch and snacks (“bet u wish u had milk bread too”)

✧ always packs extra milk bread so he could convince you to stay at his practice after school--

✧ FILTERSS

✧ I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENUF

✧ will either use the filters that make him kayooottt (cute)

✧ loves the ones named ‘hearts,’ ‘soft,’ ‘peach,’ ‘butterfly cheeks,’ vsco filters LOL, etc

✧ uses ‘big mouth’ when he feelin a bit sASSY; also loves to use this one when he rants, it channels his inner valley girl

✧ sometimes he’ll be snacking or drinking something while he does so (“hey guys today im gonna eat these milk buns from my favorite bakery and this bomb orange juice and complain about this little kid who talked smack to me earlier and almost made me cry--”)

✧ takes cute selfies with you, is an aesthetic selfie king, puts them on his story to show off he’s hangin with you

✧ but on your story you only post the ones he looks bad in LOL

✧ has separate stories for his every need, some r private (and lucky you, ur included in all of them)

✧ titles them ‘mean things iwa said to me today,’ ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ ‘a day in the life of oikawa,’ ‘volleyball 🏐,’ ‘unpopular opinions,’ etc.

✧ fitting room photoshoots lol

✧ “y/n, what do you think of this??” “and this?” “oOH WHAT ABOUT THIS??”

✧ ends up calling you through video chat so you can live critique his choices

✧ “oikawa, please no, i can’t be seen with you in public if you wear those--”

✧ also changes his bitmoji’s outfits from time to time, hopes you’ll notice, but you don’t LOL (oikawa: ;((((((( )

kenma

✧ uses sc usually just to reply to messages ppl send him

✧ indifferent about streaks, but keeps a few with ppl he’s closer to

✧ mindlessly plays the snapchat games with you, finds some of them kinda cute

✧ you both made his bitmoji for him, dressing his up in the orange cat suit

✧ you also helped make kuroo’s and put his in the black cat suit to match--

✧ snaps you every time he gets a new game, starts playing it, and once he finishes

✧ started to post some gameplays and reviews on his sc story (might as well add them to sc since he was already on other social platforms), and ended up amassing a large following

✧ follows the tech and gaming stories on sc

✧ as well as the ones with cute animals--

✧ open to selfies with you, usually wears a calm expression and holds up a peace sign

✧ even occasionally sticks his tongue out

✧ his story is occasionally heavily bombarded with candids of him w/ pretty sc filters, all taken by you

✧ but of all the filters, you love using the clout glasses on him

✧ especially when he’s just minding his own business

✧ “kenma, in his tru habitat” when hes cocooned in a blanket

✧ “kenma, on his way to steal yo manz” while on his way to the bathroom

✧ “kenma, next iron chef. watch out gordon” as he’s cooking instant ramen

✧ “kenma” n das it

✧ but he thinks it meme-y so he lets you do whatever you want, kinda digs it

✧ you end up dedicating your snap story to memes of kenma and the nekoma volleyball team. ppl are in it for the shits n giggles n hot bois

✧ you later discover someone else did the same thing with their volleyball team filled with hot bois from shiratorizawa, and you befriend tendou and share funni internet tings

akaashi

✧ 99% of his photos include either you or bokuto or both

✧ bokuto spams akaashi’s story and contact list with selfies and videos of himself using weird filters, often gets you to join him

✧ has several streaks, but will send something with more substance than a black screen or his bedroom window

✧ will usually involve smthng that just happened to him or smthing he saw, like:

✧ “a kind older lady offered me some apples in return for helping her”

-or:

✧ “how do i break the news to bokuto that the yaikniku place he’s been wanting to go to for the past week ,,, is closed today”

✧ o n let’s not leave out:

✧ “is it possible to conjure a ghost using a wooden spatula, ketchup, and a chalk drawn hexagram? bokuto’s been paranoid ever since he tried last night and i dont know what to tell him. seriously, help”

✧ looks through stories occasionally, comments whenever bokuto makes questionable decisions

✧ also comments on whatever you’ve posted. his words range from “you’re cute” to “why,” depending on the content

✧ ppl know when y’all are hanging out cuz he’ll post smthing to indicate he’s with you, usually it’s some candid and you’re not paying attention

✧ appreciation posts for you as well! esp if you got him something, like onigiri or his fav, Nanohana no Karashiae , for lunch! (akaashi: *snaps a pic of his food* “thank you y/n for feeding me”)

✧ prefers video calling over texting/snapping whenever possible tho

✧ occasionally reminisces thru his sc memories

✧ enjoys the flashback feature and will send them to you and bokuto (cuz they’re about y’all anyway lolol)

✧ also has secretly saved a bunch of selfies of himself, consists of him trying out a lot of the filters (he feelin himself)

✧ you, one day, looking thru his phone and discovering them: “akaashi, you’re so pretty wtf”

✧ akaashi: “...”

koganegawa

✧ sends you selfies of him before practice

✧ during breaks

✧ and after practice, usually makes a comment about how it went for him that day like:

✧ “i hit a decent toss today and futakuchi actually complimented me!”

✧ that, or:

✧ “i got yelled at 17 times today 😢😩”

✧ has quite a few streaks, his longest ones being with you and hinata

✧ def uses filters

✧ tries out every funny one he finds and sends you videos

✧ “look y/n im an aaaaAALlliiEEENnnNNN oo oo hoo hhhooOOh”

✧ “now im a chicky nuggy!!” (chicken nugget)

✧ also enjoys the doodle feature

✧ but he uses the filter with the clout glasses unironically--

✧ usually when smth good happens to him and he feels happy and/or cool about it

✧ “just beat the boss in this game on my 69th try B)”

✧ “kogane, that’s--”

✧ plays sc games with you and thinks bitmojis r cool

✧ kinda sad he cant find a hair option that matches him tho lolol rip

✧ you: “you hair’s just,,, unique,,,”

✧ subscribed to anything sports and fitness, as well as pop culture so he can stay in the loop

✧ also watches everyone else’s stories, pointing out whenever he sees smthing cool and/or interesting

✧ “woahh, karasuno’s at nationals right now! i wish we could’ve won, but next year for sure!!”

✧ you encourage him at all his games, hyping him up irl and online

✧ “koganegawa: best setter 😍!!”

✧ luckily you didnt record the parts he completely messed up LOL

semi

✧ before going out with you, snaps you a pic of his casual outfit like:

✧ semi: “does this look ok”

✧ you: “babe you look great, tendou was just messing with you”

✧ will make unwanted appearances on tendou’s snap and complains to you about them

✧ “i didnt consent to being part of his meme page” and

✧ “okay, but he didn’t only have to share all the moments i messed up--”

✧ also indifferent about streaks but will do them

✧ sometimes sends snaps/streaks indicating he’s practicing his music

✧ when you see these you usually ask him to send you vids or if you can come over n watch

✧ initially is a bit shy about it but he loves what he does and you and knows you’re genuinely interested and supportive so he agrees

✧ secretly rlly enjoys having you as his personal audience

✧ lowkey into asmr, like the soap cutting shit as well as chewing crunchy things

✧ also watches food porn and clips of mukbangs, then can’t resist going on youtube and watching the whole thing

✧ “y/n, can we try this, it looks so good--”

✧ will also often watch oikawa’s stories, especially his ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ and makes comments about him being an idiot

✧ “this kid he’s talking about is a savage”

✧ but admits they’re quite entertaining

✧ just looks serious in all the selfies you take with him

✧ you: “can you look like you’re enjoying yourself?”

✧ semi: “i look cooler like this tho”

✧ sc memories filled with shenanigans from you and the volleyball team, doodles, and mirror selfies with him experimenting diff looks (you: “tendou, you got him way too concerned about this”)

✧ also enjoys showing off he’s with you, taking a short video of you when you hang out

✧ you: “semi, i look bad right now”

✧ semi: “but you can never look bad”

✧ you: “🥺 bb”

✧ viewers: “aw”

✧ shiratorizawa: “can he be this nice with us LOL”

shirabu

✧ his main mode of communication with you is mostly through the regular messaging app, so he doesn’t use sc too much

✧ also doesn’t care for streaks and is bad at keeping them

✧ will answer to you or his senpais rather soon tho

✧ but lets all his other notifications pile up a bit before finally going thru them

✧ goes through the snaps he receives really fast, spending like 2 seconds each to look at them cuz aint nobody got time for dat

✧ doesn’t even rlly open goshiki’s LOL

✧ you have fun using filters on him and taking videos while he’s just doing his own thing peacefully like studying

✧ it takes him a second to notice and when he finally looks up, he just gives you an exasperated look

✧ cue you cracking up with laughter bc the filter finally shows up on his face

✧ his eyes and mouth are now on mike wazowski

✧ that, or his face becomes so disturbingly moRPhed like an alien

✧ caption: “ken-chan, my future medical man 😍”

✧ “y/n, please, this is like the 7th time in the last 20 minutes--”

✧ finally convinced him to take a study break and hang out with you

✧ which usually consists of snacking and light banter while you lay your head on his lap

✧ and scrolling through snapchat stories and showing him what everyone else is up to and cool things you’re subscribed to

✧ “loooook, dr. miami’s doing another butt job! is this the line of work you’re studying so hard for?”

✧ “no, it’s really not”

✧ is actually very soft with you and likes having the photos and vids for memories

atsumu

✧ sends you snaps where his brother looks bad, captioning it:

✧ “this is evidence that im the hotter twin”

✧ likewise, osamu sends you snaps where atsumu looks even worse

✧ like, the mans passed out, looking rekt and open mouthed, drool seeping into his pillow

✧ osamu: “u still have time to break up with him”

✧ also lucky for you, atsumu also loves to take unflattering photos of you and send them to you randomly at like 2 am

✧ you: “nani tf when did you even take this??”

✧ usually posts a snap while he’s out somewhere like at a match, the gym, outside on a run, a party, or just hanging out with you or his frens

✧ however, makes sure you look good if you show up on his story cuz he wants to show you off

✧ doesn’t really care for streaks, but has a lott

✧ but also has a tON of unopened snaps

✧ is the type to send just a black screen n call it a day, or maybe spice it up by sending a pic of the sexi gym floor (a comeback) w his shoe in the corner

✧ will, however, consistently respond to you and kinda looks forward to ur snaps (secretly hopes you show ur face)

✧ but when you dont:

*in class*

✧ atsumu: *a smirk on his face* “your content’s kinda dry today”

✧ you: *your sexi desk* “my nudez ain’t free, i demand compensation”

✧ atsumu: *grasped his chin in thought, but angled the cam up bc he needa hide his phone in class lolol* “what if i... take you out on a romantic excursion”

✧ you: * your face but with ‘sausage’ filter* “🥵🥵🥵🥵 yessir, what u want”

✧ rlly only wants to have pics of your face wat a closeted sOFTIE

✧ likes to have content on his flashbacks

✧ usually has other social media sources to keep up to date with things

✧ actually rlly digs using sc filters, mostly ones that’ll make him look like a queen

✧ captions a selfie of you two like: “me >>>>>>> y/n”

✧ but nearly everyone who comments on it is like: “i think you flipped the sign, bro 🤥”

✧ judges ppl who are into soap cutting asmr (you will never hear the end of it if you also like it)

a/n: sc kinda dying for me, my use went from suga to an atsumu to like nearly nonexistent LOL

also o gawd i already have ideas here n there for a pt 2 so stay tuned fjxnwfesd hope it takes me less long cuz this one took me fkin foreva LOL

idk y i made semi like mukbangs but i feel like he’d be rlly into them--

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu reader insert #sugawara x reader #kageyama x reader #oikawa x reader #kenma x reader #akaashi x reader #koganegawa x reader #semi x reader #shirabu x reader #atsumu x reader #haikyuu headcanons

430 notes · View notes

skzafterdusk · 4 years

Text

Stray Kids As Dates I’ve Been On

Unorthodox, but really this is just:

These are totally the dates each member would take you on

Chan: Why did you guys end up at Barnes & Noble? No clue, but you were here. And while you guys wandered through the sections, looking at various books, you stumbled across a book that intrigued you both:

500 Questions To Ask Someone

Luckily, there was a cafe in the store, so guys were able to order coffee, sit and go back and forth between asking questions.

Some were basic, some were very thought provoking, and it waged some lengthy conversations. You realized, as you watched Chan explain some of his most creative ideas, some of his plans for the future, that you’d never met anyone like him. To be so genuinely engrossed in what he was saying, to catch how he sent you soft smiles when you went on rants, it was a feeling you never had before.

Even though you don’t remember which question it was, you knew to take a mental snapshot of that day, because it was one to remember.

Yes, you did end up buying the book for sentimental purposes.

Minho: (Should probably mention this now, there’s a lot of driving involved on these dates) He decides to take you to the lake. The summer is forgiving this year, and while the days can still be hot, the nights are met with cool breezes, whisping air that smells of the trees and grass that grow plentiful.

You sit on a bench after having stood near the lake, and you just talk. By this point, you’d gone on a couple dates, and still had so much to learn about each other.

Although Minho has a very forward personality, he stumbles a little when he suggests that you guys become official, exclusively dating only each other. He shakes his head quickly, almost like he is dismissing the idea, but you agree.

In the dark of the night, you can hardly make out each other’s faces that well, but even still you can see his grin and the way he looks back at you.

Changbin: Wasn’t a planned date. You guys closed the store you work at together, and you were both hungry and wired from the interactions with customers that day.

So he suggests you go to this diner. It’s one you’ve been to a couple times in the past, and Changbin has had some memorable late night meals with friends there. It was only fitting he took you to one of his favourite places, right?

The conversation you guys share is unexpectedly deep, you opening up about your relationship with your parents, him being the great listener like he always is. Given that it was your first time in this type of setting with him, you hardly thought this is what the night would bring. Sure, you’d had a crush on him before because he made you feel so comforted at work, but you had no idea that getting to talk with him -like, actually converse with him- would only make the crush turn into genuine feelings.

After the diner, neither of you wanted to go home, so you just drove. You guys ran unnecessary errands, anything to stay in each other’s company. And it was well past 2am when you finally said goodbye.

Hyunjin: The date hadn’t been planned. You just happened to be out near where he lived, and he asked if you wanted to spend some time together.

It’s already late afternoon when you guys meet up. He suggests you guys go to a park near his home. After the day you had, it was nice to be out on such a lovely summer day, taking in the sound of insects buzzing around you.

After the park, you went to a Japanese restaurant in the downtown area. Sitting outside, you both could admire the skyscrapers just in the distance. And, afterwards, you took a stroll, the streets empty at night, so you took your time crossing. There was a memorial fountain nearby, and it looked lovely in the night.

All this random adventure just brought you back to his house, where you promptly spent the night just talking in your car.

You’re not even sure how or why you started kissing, but soon enough, the car was filled with heavy panting, the wet sound of your kisses. The center console was uncomfortable, so you ended up in the backseat.

The only way you were able to drive home was because you had work the next morning. Yes, the Little Mermaid bandage on your neck to hide the hickey was a little ridiculous.

Jisung: There’s a college campus close to where he loves, and it’s almost like a hideaway for him. On a summer day, the campus is rather empty. Spacious lawns and intricate water fountains can be found across one cobblestone street to the next.

But his favourite place to visit? The archive room at the top floor of the library. Past the marble floors, sweeping candelabras and great oak double doors, there is a long room. The only way to illuminate the space is with its many fluorescent lights. Void of proper windows and the need for cool air, being in the archive can feel like being in another world.

You split up, you get lost in towering shelves as does Jisung. But you find each other, given that you’re the only ones up there.

And when you do meet up, you stand close to his side. He’s skimming a book in the psychology section, and you don’t notice his gaze when you lean closer to look at the words on the page.

He puts the book back gently, turning his full attention to you.

You feel one of his hands go to wrap around your waist, the other resting where your neck and shoulder meet. He gives a quick smile as he sees you won’t back away. Honestly, you’d been waiting for this, waiting for the moment where you could finally kiss him.

The automated voice that comes over the speaker is cold, harsh, and jarring. It makes your heart stop in your chest as you jump.

“The library will be closing in ten minutes.”

With a deep inhale, Jisung steps away.

“There’s some other places I wanted to show you,” he says, holding out his hand for you to take.

When you finally exit the library, the sun is going down in the night, but your adventures on campus do not stop until the sky is full of stars, and the horizon only shows ignited street lamps.

Felix: I never understood how people could go on dates in stores, but honestly I get it now. And Felix would definitely be the type to walk around Wal-mart with you as you picked up some essentials (toothpaste, a pack of UNO cards, etc), just talking about whatever that comes up. For example, going by the tire section and talking about how you love the smell of tires.

“They’re just rubber,” he’d say, simply.

And you would shrug. “I guess I like the smell of rubber.” And then, somehow, you get on the topic of enjoying the smell of ammonia, and he’s fighting off laughter because,

“Ammonia is in cat pee. You like the smell of cat pee?”

So, yes, you’re wandering aimlessly around Wal-mart for probably two hours when a storm comes by. Tornado and flood, to be exact.

You’re at the check-out line when Felix’s mom would call, telling him he needed to get home because it was supposed to flood really bad, and that a tornado was coming. Little do you know, it’s already absolutely pouring outside.

And you didn’t park anywhere close to the entrance.

So you both book it, a sad attempt at trying to shield yourself from the rain with your feeble hands. There’s so much water on the ground that it kicks up high as your feet pound the pavement. And once you get to your car, the both of you are soaked from head-to-toe.

He lives closer, so you drive carefully as the water is already collecting on the streets, and make it to his apartment. It’s not even a question of you coming inside since he wouldn’t dare make you drive back home in these conditions.

Hours pass by with endless conversation, laughs, giggles, light-hearted bickering. You’re both dry at this point, and he offers you guys watch Scott Pilgrim Vs The World because it was a movie you both really enjoyed.

But here’s the thing: we know Felix is a handsy person. No shame, but he needs physical touch at all times. And really, it’s not enough that you’re just sitting really close to each other on the couch. And soon, his arm is wrapped around your shoulders (smooth), and everytime he laughs, his head bumps into yours, endearingly.

So the movie is on for maybe 15 minutes before he decides to pause it, looking at you with intent. His eyes keep glancing down at your lips. Cheesy, you would think in any other situation, but your breath stutters when he finally leans in. It’s a simple peck, but it’s enough to make the room around you deafeningly silent.

Cue the makeout session that results, featuring some slight biting and mild choking. As a treat.

Then you get your ass home cause it stopped raining. (clearly a lot happened this night)

Seungmin: I don’t know where this idea is coming from, but something about him just screams, “How about you come over to my house and I cook you dinner?” as a date. He’s just that classy dude.

...you might have to help out, cause he’s not entirely sure what he’s doing.

But that’s what makes it so cool, to be in the kitchen with him, listening to some low music while you guys get in each other’s way. More than once thus he yells out in faux anger, and you laugh. Before he’s even done shouting, he’s smiling at you.

Did the dinner come out good? Well...it’s...edible. Luckily, he has a great selection of fresh fruit that makes a great sweet balance.

Jeongin: Movie and dinner sounds a little common, right? Here’s how it goes down:

Jeongin knows someone that works at the theatre. A manager (see where this is going?).

So you guys essentially sneak into a movie for free. As much as you loved it, you spent a lot of the time curled into him as gorey scenes filled the screen. He teases you a couple times about being too weak, but he still gladly holds your hand, checking you to make sure you’re not getting too grossed out.

Afterwards, you guys go to the sushi restaurant in the same parking lot. The place is rather empty, given that it’s late afternoon on a weekday, which is nice because you guys don’t have to talk so loud. It’s like you guys are in your own little world.

From where you guys sit in the restaurant, you can watch as the sun sets across the parking lot. Not very romantic, but a chill date that still leaves you grinning when you get home.

Val’s Note

Hello, there! I hope you enjoyed my first post. This is something I’ve been thinking about since I got into skz, and I’m glad I could finally type it out and post.

I wanna be able to take requests for lists like these in the future, so feel to do so if you enjoyed this :) Until next time.

#stray kids #skz #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids headcanons #stray kids reactions #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #bang chan #lee minho #hyunjin #seo changbin #han jisung #lee felix #yang jeongin #kim seungmin

81 notes · View notes

angelmichelangelo · 3 years

Text

i’m about five years too late and nobody asked for this except me and i need to just get this out of my brain because it’s 2am so here’s a list of things i wish happened on glee that didn’t HERE WE GO:

- new directions being actual teenagers. just them hanging out. going to group sleepovers. giant study sessions (because school exists in this universe?) like remember in tpp when they were eating lunch together ? that’s what i wanted MORE of. just them being actual friends. a sleepover episode is all i wanted imagine all the abba songs we could have gained from that episode

- a halloween themed episode. the closest to this that we got was the ‘thriller/heads will roll’ mashup which YES was iconic but im greedy and it’s not enough. my idea for a halloween episode is that the gang gets trapped inside the school after staying behind to idk rehearse? or something? and then things get progressively worse as they start to go a little mad, thinking the school is haunted and they split up into pairs trying to find an escape and they think they’re seeing ghosts/someone lurking around the school and they’re getting real spooked but it turns out it’s just sue fucking with them lmao

- kurt and finn being brothers. THE POTENTIAL WAS THERE and sadly after furt we are left with crumbs. why ?? WHY?? little moments like finn saying that he’s driving back home with kurt or them saying they can’t do something because they have a family thing would have been good enough. more scenes of them hanging out in their home with their parents would have been *chefs kiss* but alas. it never happened because glee writers are bastards

- based off my last point: sam actually living at the hudson-hummel house because he actually did live there? but nothing is ever said like what’s the dynamic there why weren’t kurt and sam and finn close if they all lived together for what? like a year? was sam living in the mf shed? did he ever get close to carole and burt?? where tf did he live when everyone went off to college did he just stay in their house lol who knows not me LMAO

- blaine dealing with his trauma ? mental health was never dealt with very well on this show. emma’s ocd was just ignored after she got married or whatever and blaine mentioned his trauma once and then it was ignored until it was mentioned in passing a few seasons later and even he just brushed it off and it was never brought up again like wtf. i have no idea how they wrote a whole episode about hate crime in bash and they never once thought to have blaine and kurt have a single conversation together, let alone a conversation about how they’d both been victims of a hate crime. AND THE ONLY TIME BLAINE DOES MENTION IT IS IN TESTED WHERE ITS JUST USED AS A REASON FOR THEM TO FIGHT AAAAAAAA no wait im calm it’s okay. i just would have liked to have seen kurt and blaine have an emotional moment together in that episode that didn’t include blaine singing and kurt being knocked tf out. just sayin.

- kurt dealing with HIS trauma !! again, glee gets bad points for talking about mental health and it just is crazy that they had so much potential with kurt, ie: depression, anxiety, ocd (kinda?) his bullying, being literally assaulted (i see u ryan murphy taking that whole plot line so loosely mmhm) and then shoehorning in the fact that he was suicidal AT THE SECOND TO LAST EPISODE when they had a whole episode about suicide and they could have mentioned it at any time but ofc they didn’t because the writers just wanted to shove in as much as they could in the flashback episode AYE AYE AYE the potential!!!! oof.

- literally just more tina. jenna ushkowitz is a fantastic actor/singer/preformer and she was criminally underused. i like the episode props because of two reasons: one. everyone switching characters was amazing. and two. some actual tina scenes. even if she.. technically was rachel but also herself or something? either way. i digress

- this is just in general but MORE ABBA AND ALSO THE CARPENTERS and also some sound of music songs would have worked GREAT but they already had like a million songs and as the show progressed they veered away from old songs and more towards popular songs at the time to help chart numbers blah blah blah whatever it’s cool. but also how did they only do a few abba songs that is criminal

- a more fleshed out ending that wasn’t so rushed. like rachel won a tony and everyone else is just? there? why is sam at mr shue’s house ??? how did artie get up the stairs? did quinn graduate from yale? and where tf was kurt and blaine’s child during ‘i lived’ because burt and carole are vibing in the audience and rachel isn’t pregnant so like? is the baby just?? alone somewhere in the wings?! lmao where are u bby girl!! but once again i know they didn’t have the time to do it so idk it’s fine what they did it just sucks we didn’t get more! but again. fanfic exists so yah im all good

- more of blaine’s mum. or mom, in this case i guess. why cast gina gershon and then give her ONE line like ? ik there was a whole deleted script that explained why she was there but i love that up until that point blaine seemed like he genuinely murdered his parents, lived in their big house all alone and when people got suspicious he just told them that they were “out of town” :) either way pam is great i love her and i wish she had more to do in the one episode she was ever in. not even a moment with blaine?? wasted.

- more of cooper anderson, matt boomer is so fucking funny everytime i think of the emotion tornado i bust a lung laughing like it’s so fucking stupid but oh my good i love it. (and if you haven’t watched the special feature of cooper’s transformers audition tape please please watch it because it’s just so funny.) ik he was just a special guest but i wish they got him back for at least the wedding ep but guess my mans was just busy. boo ;(

- going back a couple of points, i wish they’d done a whole episode like props. every actor here just shines when they’re impersonating each other. finn and puck as kurt and blaine is beautiful and quinn and sugar is incredible. also idk why they refused kevin the right to wear the cheerios skirt; they could have put a little more effort into some characters but that’s glee for ya lmao but yeah. a whole episode like that would have been so much fun

- they should have let chris colfer write more episodes. purely for the fact that he wrote with his own bare hands the whole scene where lea michelle’s character gets dragged down a road by dogs. this guy. it’s a shame he only got to write one since he actually did a really good job! i would have loved to have seen what other episode ideas he had :)

- glee in the summer! obviously it only was centred around the school year but after season 3 who honestly gave a shit about the glee club and mckinley lmao i wanna see them in SHORT SHORTS and POOL PARTIES but nope we just got september - june so like rip all my hopes and dreams

- WHAT HAPPENED TO DALTON? bitch just burst into flames ?? and for WHAT?? oh yeah plot convenience smh this is so sad i wish they’d either written something better than “we need the warblers to team up with new directions so uhhh the school burnt down” like. it’s a private school. if the school is gone and they’re just staying at mckinley what are the parents paying for? they’re just cool with sending their kids off to public school now? every adult in this universe has been murdered by these kids, haven’t they? they’re just doing whatever they want jfc

- a wedding was a good episode. ish. and yknow, huge kudos to them because gay marriage wasn’t legal in the us at the time so im less harsh on the fact that they definitely threw up the rainbow flags and made it less about the characters getting married and more so “we have gay characters and look they’re getting married what a concept” but i do wish we could have gotten some more married!klaine since they don’t really have much to do after this understandably but a little moment alone together after the wedding would have been nice :) IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IM TELLING YOU

- get rid of the hummelberry friendship and send mercedes to new york instead. i have nothing else to add to this other than the fact that i mourn the fact that kurt and mercedes went from bffs to just. school mates. this is tragic this is traaaaagic !! and all for more of the rachel berry show smh

- every day i wonder what was going through carmen tibideaux mind when she watched the kurt hummel preform not the boy next door and was like :) and then watched rachel berry have a breakdown on stage and then proceeded to give rachel the spot at nyada and kurt gets payed literal dust. and THEN she had the nerve to tell him it was because his performance had no heart. AND HOW DID ADAM GET IN THIS BABY GOT BACK MOTHERFUCKER?! nyada is a circus school oh my god !!!!! kurt deserved better im telling yall he deserved so much better

there’s so much more i could rant about but im going insane im so tired and i need psychological help after watching glee so im gonna leave it here and say peace out homies it’s been fun but i need to sleep so bad

#this is insanity #how did this happen #glee #tw hate crime mention #tw suicide mention #tw mental health mention #this was from my drafts lmao

38 notes · View notes

n0ct0urn1quet · 3 years

Text

literally one of my favorite things ever is being in a vc with my gf all night to the point where she falls asleep while im still awake. like that hasnt happened in a while bc we havent rly vced all night in A Bit but just remembering the times we used to jus stay up All Night and be in a vc together and she'd occasionally jus. fall asleep. n id occasionally try 2 wake her up or something but eventually id jus go an do my own thing n jus. listen to her Very Quietly Snoring n hearing her shuffle n move around in her sleeb. (also shhhhhh dont tell her but sometimes i would occasionally start singing 2 her even tho she was asleep but shhhhhhhhhh dont tell her she doesnt know i did that KSDJKSDJKDSKJDS)

idk theres just . something nice about doing that. ig its like whenever that happens i always like 2 just imagine that shes. Here. i like to imagine that we're just laying in bed together n she's asleep while im awake doing gay little things on my silly little laptop. its jus nice. sometimes i even end up falling asleep myself n eventually hearing the little noise discord makes whenever someone leaves a call n usually that told me that she's Awake Now but it was usually at like 7am so i jus went back 2 seep and assumed that she PROLLY did the same thing <3

idk not to be gay on main or anything but. idk life rly is just all about the small things sometimes. id love 2 maybe do that again sometime but with school n everything i think itll be Kinda Hard to find a good day to just . yknow. literally stay up all night. i mean i can barely make it past like 2am anymore without getting seepy. but i feel like jus being in a vc with her would keep me awake, like even if its super late n stuff. also man ik this isnt rly particularly a Small Thing but i loved jus. staying up with her n having Long Conversations About Life or just ranting about things going on in life.

(also ik im saying like "i loved doing this" or "i miss doing this" im not tryigng 2 say that we Never Vc Anymore (bc. ykno. we do BFGNFGKJ) im just saying that we both kinda dont have the time to vc All NIght like we used to which Makes Me Sad but its okay bc as long as we can vc every often then thas fine with me. plus winter break is coming up soon so idk maybe we could try to do stuff like that again idk i think itd be pog BUT if she desomt want 2 that is okay JHGNJGJK ANYWAYS)

i jus loved staying up til the Early Hours of the morning n just talking to her while jus laying in bed in the dark or on my pc n jus like . slowly realizing that its getting lighter n lighter outside. most of the time if im on my pc i have my light on and eventually id be like "ima go turn my light off" n then id turn it off and just be like . wow. what time is it its like super bright outside all of a sudden JKGBGJHNGKKJG

althoguh i dont even know if i can stay up That Late anymore anyways bc like i said i can barely make it past like 2am. 3am maybe but anything past that is just . Nope. i canot do it i am simply just seepie. i mean ig itd be different if i was vcing with her but idk!!!!!1 who knows. anyways as i was saying i jus enjoyed ranting n talking to her all night even if it was abt dumb stupid shit

n man. she's heard me say this A Million Times but ill say it again. god her voice is so very ebic. its just very Calmigng 2 listen to. genuinely i could just be in a vc with her and listen to her talk all night and id never get tired of listening to her voice. i can see her getting tired of listening to my voice though because i sound like a fucging 10 year old but BSHDNKDBHJGNJKGF id love 2 just . lay with her and listen 2 her ramble. itd be ebic <3

n god i am still thinkg about her. comign 2 visit soone. ok well not SOON soon like in the summer which is kinda far from now and still not 100% confirmed but Still... just knowing that it is maybe most likely possible is just. very pog. very very ebic and pog. there r so many things i wana do with her when shes here n i just wana be all affectionate n habbie n stuff with her and i just hghgbhjjndfk.f bbbhghnjgngkjgk. i am so fuckign gay for her u guys dont even know <3 im just so very in love with she she has been my beloved for like 3 (and a half?) years and im just hbngk. hhghbgbhgnkkjgf. gbhjngk <3

okay fuck this is rly long my bad BHJNJGFBJHGF i am just simply having gay thoughts. @fuckshitassbitchcockballs sry i lied ik i said id gaypost in the morning but i changed my mind bc i had a single thought which spiraled into a long ass gaypost. sory not sory JGNKGJBHJG

anyways im gona go seebie now i gotta get up in a few hours. i mean i dont HAVE to get up but i jus thought id try 2 get up whenever she gest up cause she has school tomorrow n i dont but i still wanna like . try 2 get up at the same time or around the same time she does. bc yeah <3 anyways i go seeb now goodnite <3

#respectfully looks at my gf . im love u so very muche #u are my absooutely beloved. my she my walter wife my everything <333 #i love u very much and um i am going to give u bigge kis #*mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmwah*#BIGGE kis for the she my she the xe :)#i am so amongusly gay for you <3333 #and also i am so very seebie so i am going to go seep and have gay dreams hopefully JKDGJKGFBHGE #ill see u tomorrowe hopefully i get up when u do but if im not up when ur up feel free 2 spam me on discord til i wake up or something #bc of all things discord notifs seem to be the things that wake me up somewhat. like ill just be fast asleep and ill suddenly hear the noti #and ill just be like H #but anyways JKGBHJGBHJG #im go seepy now cause i seepy i tired i cosie !#i lobve u hunnie ill see u tomorrowe also u make me very happie and i am so very lucky 2 be ur gf bc u are so amongusly epic #im sory i cannot stop saying amongusly its just become one of those words that I Use Now #GHBGBJG #ANYWAYS GOODnite for reals this time lomve u :) <3333 #aLSO SORRY IF I WOrded anything weirdly in this post this is just one of those where im not rly thinking about what im saying #im moreso just . typing everything that comes to mind #i do not wantto read through all ofthis bc it is long also sory for that too ik u prefer stuff in the tags instead of #all juts one in post #BUT still i hope it makes u habbie bc yeah i am so very gay for u and u mak e m e go :)#okay for reals im gonna go bed i seepy eyes seepy brain metling . brain sludge #goodnite i lobe u :) <3333333333

1 note · View note

corrosiveblue · 3 years

Text

Venting/Ranting about dumb romance stuff, just putting it as a read more for the few people who follow me and are still active but dont want this boggin up their dash Also gets into some rather embarrasing and semi sexual stuff later (not graphic)..but tumblr is kinda a void..like i feel like we all kind apost stuff for ourselves without actually expecting people to read it

Bruh why is romance so hard, it’s so dumb. I feel so juvenile having crushes omg. It wasn’t even this turbulent when I was actually in my teens but mainly cuz i decided I didnt need romance back then. But now at 20 I’ve opened myself back up and just ugh. Anyway, met this guy online over a vr game we both play daily and I had full intentions of just getting to know him as a friend, time goes on, our relationship (non romantic) kinda progresses rather quickly cuz i guess we just clicked. I would be there and offer advice on the break up he was going through and he just really enjoyed my company and even as of rn obviously really cares about me having told me he loves and appreciates me. (Doesn’t sounds like a mutual exchange like that but trust me it’s not so one sided). But English is a dumb language, and we only have one word for love regardless of what kind, so its all left up to context. And that context is very muddled for me considering he’s very clearly in love with another girl, like cuddling with her in the game we play, and when I straight up asked, he told me that they’re not dating, and he just wants to stay friends with her due to other stuff...but Its very obvious he’s committed to her in some sort of way. But I just can’t stop loving him, like omg it hurts to know someone you like is madly in love with someone else and that other person is mutual about it. But a big part of me doesnt wanna give up cuz “what if his feelings fade for her and he turns towards me” like im in some kinda teen romance drama! It’s just so complicated but Idk if I’m making it complicated or if its mutual like uhhh bouta incriminate myself here (CW: semi sexual talk, also mommy kink..mainly the word and the term milf.. regardless making note of it) Anyway, despite us talking about how he likes his other friend he still jokingly flirts(?) with me.( I say (?) cuz i was a late bloomer when it comes to romance and sexual stuff with others, so im worried i might just be reading stuff incorrectly. Like maybe this is just how he jokes with close friends but due to my crush i think its cuz hes attracted to me the same way possibly??)

For example, while talking he said “more like hitting on you” in response to me saying “stop hitting me” cuz of a simpsons gif he sent. and neither of us made a big deal of that but I’m not crazy for assuming that means something, like even if he jokes like that with friends like is that not obvious he’s attracted to me in some way???? (Mommy kink stuff starts here, ill note when it ends) or how later that day in the server were in ( a small one with a few friends from the same game) he was calling me a milf(im not even close to a milf but lol ok) and referring to himself as my son. And in DMs shortly after he was pretty obviously acting pretty excited and really wanted my attention, and was like “I love you and your milf self”. Which leads into a whole different thing, his mommy issues (what he refers to it as himself). He talks about it jokingly, and has told me I dont help with them (ie. im basically mommy material to him) And while I’m not against this or anything and I’ve returned jokes about it to him, a part of me wonders if I’ve accidentally damned myself to not be seen as a romantic partner but more as a really jacked up version of a parental figure. I dont have as much evidence for this part, really its just a thought in the back of my head. Like i dont believe he sees me as his mother of course, but I know I’ve been really caring and affectionate with him, checking up on him through out the day on his mental health and physical health. So i worry subconsciously I’ve kinda been categorized in this this weird other folder. (Mommy kink stuff over) Like with all that added up, and that fact even today due to a small issue concerning how i feel about him and his crush (although he doesnt know i like him) he reassured me he cares for me a lot.

But god im still conflicted. A part of me hold onto these reasons and feelings to convince myself that maybe I still have a chance, maybe as time goes on he’ll see me in more of a similar light. But the other reasonable side of me feels like a sleeze bag for hoping he stops like his friend and comes to me.

Regardless of all that, I do still want to be his friend even if we dont date but I worry that with my feelings still being how they are, how well i could handle it if he does confirm things with his friend. I dont want to stop talking to him or gaming with him, but considering his other friend is ALWAYS with him (not an exxageration she’s doing online school, and doesnt have to work so she spends all day on VR..itll be 2am, shes online, i check back at like 5pm, shes on, 11pm, still. she’ll even fall asleep in the vr game we play so that when she wakes up she can go right back to talking with him) idk if ill be able to spend much time with him without being uncomfy watching them rub up on eahcother idk, not looking for advice really, jsut putting my thoughts into words, so if you read this for some reason, sorry for how messy and unorganized things are..this is jsut my brain

#vent

1 note · View note

smolbeandrabbles · 4 years

Text

Cold Night - Ralph Anderson x Reader (The Outsider)

GIF Credit: X

Sure Be Cool If You Did / Bienvenue From Hell, Mon Amour / Made in the USA / Under The Weather

Author’s Note: So, we’re still using book Ralph’s personality. Because that’s where I’d like to keep him!

I just got this idea whilst thinking for a little too long about the show... And also this song, as ever, popped up on shuffle and went “You know what would be good...!”

And thus, you all get your 5th installment of Ralph Anderson

*Note, the DA is back to his book name, Samuels, for part consistency.

Disclaimer: Characters and plot lines from The Outsider are all Stephen Kings / Thanks YM@S for once again providing some great lyrics from this album / Gif not mine - credit as appropriate.

Premise: As detectives and partners, it’s good from time to time to discuss cases... But sometimes you need something a little more than just discussion to help you through them...

Words: 2063

Warnings: All Fluff - I just needed me some Sweet-Soft!Ralph.

_________ It was a cold night, we laid with each other just to stay warm Up all hours, not for the last time As it's a cold life, stay with each other one last time We could always run away some other night

Don't you let me go this time Don’t you let me go this time Don't go baby, it's time for us you know. Don't go honey, this way we'll never know Don't go honey, this way we'll never know

It was a cold night, the talk of forever kept us warm But even forever, doesn't last that long I say, say you'll never, say you'll never change

Say you'll never, say you'll never change Say you'll never, say you'll never change I knew the moment I met you I could never lose you I knew the moment I met you...

---

The house was unusually quiet. Not that it didn’t have its quiet periods, but when all three of you were in it at once it was certainly unexpected. You thought you knew the reason why, and shuffled from the room you were in - sorting books, and realising one was missing - through the house until you found him. Lying across the sofa on his back, holding the book up, not exactly engrossed, but turning the pages like he was paying attention. Ralph Anderson probably wished the case file had never crossed his desk – but then who else’s?

You leant yourself against the wall, arms folded until he noticed you. It was obvious by his body language that something was off. Which is why he was probably so quiet. He got through at least 3 more pages before he even noticed you were standing there. That was worrying, Ralph was the more observant of the two of you. And he liked to tell you that often. Usually by standing in the middle of the crime scene staring you down, hands on his hips; “yeah, what are you missing?”

No so today, although the fact that he didn’t look at you when he addressed you meant he might just have been waiting for the right time. “How do you read this?” You tipped your head to speed count pages; “...Strange words for a man who looks like he’s about a fifth of the way through it...” “I didn’t have anything else to do...” he mumbled, shuffling around on the couch. “Funny, you’re using all your tells...” you crossed the room to him in swinging lazy steps “Babe, what’s wrong?” He shrugged; “Nothing.” “If you wanted to take your mind off the case, may I suggest not reading a detective mystery novel?” He sighed, lowering his arms for a moment; “I just wondered if another detective could help me out? Like if I was missing something... maybe I could try another method? I dunno.” You frowned, “Well... you live with another detective... are they not good enough?” “I don’t want you involved in this one...” “Why?” You crouched “I’m a big girl.” “I know.” He laid the book on his chest and reached out for you; “...But I’m also aware you have a little girl...” fingers ran through your hair as he framed your face, the movement of his thumbs affectionate. You very nearly rolled your eyes “Ralph, it’s hardly Frankie Peterson 2.0...” “I know but I don’t want you involved - end of-!” “So you instead want to sit here and suffer in silence?” “Well...” it was a small smirk but it’d do “Yune isn’t available.” It was all you could do to chuckle; “Yeah well. Why doesn’t that surprise me.” You moved your hands to his shoulders caressing them gently - and hoping that would at least bring some comfort; “Baby, I’m here - talk to me.” “I know... I know I just...” Ralph sighed again, arm stretching further so that his hand covered your neck, meaning your hair now brushed against his skin. “...maybe that’s all I need right now?” You gave a soft smile; “What?” “You. Right here...” Then he applied gentle pressure and you knew what he wanted - you leant in to brush your lips to his; and he didn’t let you pull away - linking his arms behind your head. He successfully stole more kisses than you were going to allow him, before you propped yourself back onto your elbows. But one of Ralph’s hands still framed your face.

“Call me crazy... but... there’s something about you, Y/N... that I...” he laughed, quiet, breathy - like a private joke to himself “At points you are... erratic. But right now? You’re the most calming presence I think I could wish to get.” “Yeah?” You would disagree “Yeah.” He nodded, his fingertips moving in soothing patterns over your skin “...so I just need you right here... and maybe my head’ll clear a little.” “Well, you’re lucky I’m available and don’t have a date with the DA.” Though your smile was sweet “You know I would cancel on him for you, right?” He chuckled, leaning up to kiss you again as he took your hand in his; “I’m honoured-!” “Oh, no, it’s you that is doing me the honour of letting me of all people be your quiet space...” “Mhm-! C’mere...” Ralph pulled you from your position on the floor around the couch, and then tugged you down to lie with him, arms wrapping around your shoulders, he cuddled you close before kissing your hair. “I need you, Y/N... Real bad at times.” “Perfect balance.” You’d said it before… He’d said it before. Heck – so many people had commented similar you were starting to believe it. His smile was thoughtful “Beyond perfect balance. So don’t go changing on me...” “Wouldn’t dream of it...” you rubbed his back soothingly, “Now go on, you get on with thinking your case through. And I’ll try not to move...” “We’ll see how long that lasts...” he murmured, twining your legs with his in an attempt to make your promise a reality. “I love you... you know?” “...I did know that, I think, yeah.” “But I mean it. No jokes.” “Jokes?” You smiled gently, looking up into his serious blue eyes, and the way his mouth pressed into a thin line, furrowed brow creating those cute little wrinkles across his forehead. He worried too much. “Jokes? The Ralph Anderson I know doesn’t joke...” you kissed his forehead gently “Hush baby, you do what you need to. And I’ll be right here. We’re partners, y’know? I’ll always be right here...”

***

Ralph had never been the only one to need quiet alone time to think on a case. And sure enough, as he solved a tough one, you gained a tough one.

You loved talking things out and ranting but... Ralph was your partner at work, and after you’d spent all day starting sentences with ‘yeah-! BUT-!’ or ‘Oh! And another thing—!!’ you didn’t want to bother him. Especially not this late at night. But this one was keeping you up. You wanted to prosecute... Samuels was being iffy with the evidence and kept saying; “bring me something else.” Even when you’d exasperatedly told him “There is nothing else—-!!!” It was times like this you wished you didn’t have to take the case alone. And this one in particular was keeping you up. If you didn’t find evidence, the person responsible wasn’t going away – and you already knew they were capable of doing it again.

Hence why at 2am, when Ralph woke up alone, you weren’t with him. His first thought was to check in on Reneé – as it nearly always was, sometimes you liked sitting in with her, but sometimes he just wanted to be sure that she was safe. He stood in the doorway for a little longer than he’d been planning, with a tiny absentminded smile, before realising that at 2am he should be looking for you. He closed the door on her with a smile; “Goodnight, Angel…”

After the light outside caught his eye, he found you huddled out on the back patio with a fire burning and a blanket around you in a chair. He sighed gently, pulling his jacket a little tighter: “Babe. It’s freezing, what are you doing?” “I just... needed some air.” You gave a shrug but didn’t look at him, “Clear my head a little.” He leans against the inside doorframe not quite committing to the cold night air himself; “Are you okay?” You chewed your lip for a second, “Yeah.” “Y/N.” You huffed, frustrated at his stern voice and gave an agitated snap back. “I’m fine.” “No you’re not; you’re using all your tells.” Ralph always thought using your own lines against you was pretty clever. And looked at least mildly amused as he folded his arms. You scoffed, unimpressed with his deduction and buried yourself further into your blanket; Ralph continued – peering across the back yard, submerged in darkness, aside from the occasional firefly. He raised his eyes heavenwards, to watch the stars for a little while. Because he didn’t know what else you could be looking at. “…Is it the case?” “Hmph.” Was as good as he got, and when Ralph cast his eyes back to you, it was the fire you were more interested in. “Isn’t it always with us?” You bounced your leg gently and chewed your lip, he was right. You wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. He kept his eyes on you, but was continually met with silence. Eventually Ralph couldn’t stand it, and the wind chill was beginning to make him shiver. He stepped down onto the patio and crossed to you; “Come on.” “What-” you didn’t have much time to retaliate as he pulled on your blanket bundle and hoisted you into his arms “Come on. You’re gonna catch a cold at best if you’re out here all night-!” “RALPH-! PUT ME DOWN!” “I will. Upstairs! In bed!” He glanced back at the fire and, satisfied that it would burn out safely in its own, carried you back inside. Glad that your blanket cocoon would stop you from fighting this too hard. Having said that, by the time he’d ascended the stairs your head was resting against his chest and you seemed pretty sleepy. He deposited you on the bed – glad you were at least in comfy clothes. “You’re gonna sleep though? Right?” “…I dunno. I might need to do some more talking over this thing…” Ralph let his breath escape in an elongated sigh; “Right…” He pulled the duvet over you as he settled down. “Then you’re gonna sleep, okay?” “…Okay.” Though your agreement was somewhat reluctant. You had to wiggled your arms out of the blankets to wind them around him as he pulled you closer. Flinching suddenly as your skin brushed his; “Oh my god – you’re so cold! What were you doing-!?” “Trying to get my brain to work.” “Well if that leads to pneumonia, you’ll be no use to anyone…!” He rubbed your arms until he was satisfied you were warming up, pressing kisses gently to your forehead. By the time he’d finished, and had laced his finger with yours, heads together – you were wearing his favourite smile, content and sleepy, a little bashful and shy. The one he saw most often if he did something sweet for you, the one just before your eyes would look to the floor and you’d tuck your hair back and say ‘Thank you…’ Tonight however you giggled, “I think… I could probably do this forever…” “Huh?! What, sit on the back porch freezing to death-!?” That only made you laugh more and you finally got him to do the same, “No. Have you look after me…” “Ah-! You’ll be so lucky as me putting up with you forever…” But he was smiling, “…It’s what partners do, right?” “It’s more than some partners deserve…” You mumbled “Hey-!” He punched the top of your arm lightly “I won’t have you talk like that. Stop.” Then he took you back in his arms, “Y/N…” You snuggled into his chest, feeling his breathing, his heartbeat and the way his vocal cords reverberated through his body… his warmth… and you curled your fingers into his shirt. “Okay. Ralph. I’m sorry.” “You best be…” He rubbed your back as you curled into him, and then brought his knees up to wind his body around yours protectively “…Now, come on, softie – talk to me about this case…” “I love you.” He didn’t vocalise his laugh, but you could hear it in his voice - that joy could have been about how sleepy you sounded though. That you were switching off, finally “…Oh. I think that my detective skills helped me figure that one out a little while ago…” “…I’d like to love you forever… if you let me…” He opened his eyes, and watched you for a moment, but you didn’t reopen yours – just shifted to get more comfortable, and closer to him. He shook his head, with a smile; “Y/N…! The case-!” “T…tomorrow…” You yawned “It… can wait…” Ralph continued relaxing you until he was sure you were asleep, and only then did he close his eyes; “I love you too, you know.”

---

@menndelsohn @3134045126 @happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad

I finally figured it out!

#Ralph Anderson #The Outsider #Ben Mendelsohn #Ralph Anderson x Reader #Anderson and Andersson Detective Co.#Harmony #Renee #117 #Don't be surprised if every man from this damn show gets written for #I mean some of you know what's coming ;)#That's it I don't really have anything else to tag this #Soft/Sweet #Short/Sweet #Linzi Writes #...I forget that tag so often...

39 notes · View notes

daydreaminghaven · 5 years

Text

I needed a rant

I'm just going to write this down because I don't know how else to deal with this at the moment. My roommate is an asshole, it's gotten to bad that at this point I'm literally on the verge of tears. She is inconsiderate and rude and I don't know what to do. Sometimes my gut just tells me to go fucking punch the shit out of her but I wont because I'm better than that. I know for a fact that she could never beat my ass and it's not like I'm scared of her it's just that I'm scared of losing this home. I don't want to move anymore and if I do result to violence I'll be out and who knows where I'll be next? The last thing I want or need is too be in another fucking group home which will be right where I'm headed if I lose this place. '

And what could make me come to all of this? When I first met my roommate I knew we were not going to become close friends it was like I could see the future. You know when you meet someone and you just feel their negative energy? Well it was like that with her. Nevertheless, being that I just came out of a hellish rehabilitation program it was a miracle that I somehow was given a foster home. Foster homes are very, very rare for someone my age- especially coming from someone who was currently in a rehab. All anyone wants are little kids, and as a matter of fact my foster parent even admits she wasn't going to take me because she herself only wanted young kids. The only reason she took me is because I have an interest in church, quote me.

If I had to go to a group home then so be it, but now that I'm here I don't want to lose what I have. The problem with group homes is that they occupy too many people. Just imagine what its like to be living with 5-9 teenage girls mixed in with 3 or 4 tired, angry under-payed, overworked staff members (that switch out 3 times a day) all under the same roof. It's not pretty. There's ALWAYS fights, there's ALWAYS drama, ALWAYS something weather it be someone running away, two or more girls not getting along or a staff member not doing their job, or overstepping boundaries; there is constant stress. All. The. Time.

For someone who likes solitude, quietness, this kind of environment is- it's just horrible. It's already bad enough but then mix in someone who can't handle that kind of lifestyle and it can worsen their mental health, it can lead to self harm, suicidal ideations or worse.

Once upon a time I used to be able to handle group homes, I just moved along when the drama happened, it was frustrating definitely (not just for me but for everyone), but it wasn't unbearable. But then I moved... And I moved again. And again. Then I started getting more fed up with it, then I started breaking down more easily, and self harmed, attempted suicide. I started to runaway, and use drugs... And every time I moved the staffs/therapists/supervisors seemed to care less and less and it was so frustrating. There were so many rules but so much unacceptable behavior slipping right under the rug!

And there was pretty much nothing you could do about it.

Then I got put in that rehabilitation and residential program which was some of the worst times in my life. It was like a bad group home to the max. You thought 9 teenage girls was bad? try 18-29. Together, all fucking day. No phones or internet, you had to be cut off- you couldn't even have a diary or pass notes without it needing to be checked everyday. You can bet there was fights and drama all the time, you couldn't leave the campus at all until months after you arrived. Not even mentioning that there was a strict schedule when to, sleep eat, shower, have mandatory groups that everyone hated. The staff in these places was even worse, virtually EVERYONE hated their job, and the staff in programs are allowed to put there hands on you if deemed necessary, and oh-fucking-boy did they. That power was abused way to fucking often but you want to try to run away? Straight to jail for 90 days just to get sent back and have to start all of your progress over from scratch... or possibly get sent to an even longer program.

These programs are technically 6 months but most people end up there for 8 to 9 months. You are given a set of 5 'levels' or 'phases' that you have to complete in order to get discharged from the program. Some kids are lucky and their insurance runs out and their parents can't pay to keep them there. I wasn't that lucky considering my parent is the state of fucking Florida. I'm grateful to be able to have good insurance and all but fucking hell that place was bad. Due to having to move to a switch different program 5 months after I was sent to my first program (over something that wasn't my fault, it had to due with medication issues which is a whole other story), I had to start all of my progress over and start the levels off from scratch. I spent 8 months in my second program making 13 months completely cut off from society (did I mention you weren't even allowed to watch the news?). That��s where I spent Christmas, Halloween, Mothers and Fathers day, even my birthday. I was discharged just two fucking days after my birthday. Just two. Anyways, the point is, I worked really, really hard to prove that I was responsible enough to get a foster home and I did. Even though my roommate is a fucking asswipe dealing with one girl is better than 9. At least I can kind of ignore her. But It's just so hard to act like it's not that bad she’s always

-touching and stealing my belongings -throwing actual garbage with bloody tampons in it over my ART SUPPLIES -always calling me disgusting and dirty when this bitches side of the closet -smells like fish -talking dirty to boys late at night (I don't want to hear about how you want to eat his ass. Stop it. Get some help.) -using my towel that I bathe with to clean the floor with BLEACH FUCKING BLEACH -USING MY LOAFERS AND WASH RAGS -plays loud angry rap music, or movies at full volume all night, usually until 2am, -or really early in the morning to wake me up WHEN SHE OWNS FUCKING HEADPHONES -Talks shit about me to everyone that comes through the door of this house (and loudly)

and I’m over here basically kissing her ass because anything is better than those fucking group homes. And I've tried to ask her to stop, or turn down her music, I've tried confronting her- and peacefully and respectfully but she either ignores me or gets violent. I've tried tried telling the foster parent, my therapist and no one is doing anything. I'm backed up into a corner. Like I said before, I'm not scared for my life, this bitch is like 5'3 (no offense to short people) but like I could kick her punk ass any day- and I would if I number 1.) wasn't trying to better myself and number 2.) cared about this home so fucking much. I just don't know what to do except pray and try to focus on other things. I wish I could just sleep in the living room. I keep breaking my headphones because I have to sleep with rain noises or something to drown out whatever she decides to play. Can you believe she has the audacity to wake me up just tell me to turn down my headphones when she tries to sleep? Like they aren’t even big headphones they are 6 dollar earbuds how loud can they be?! I do every single time though because I'm trying to 'stay blameless in Gods eyes' because I believe in karma and also if I didn't she would probably do something really petty like purposefully play loud music to wake me up even earlier or play it all night so I can't sleep.

It really sucks. I have to live with this person for 110 more days (and, yes, I have it marked on my calendar) but one day she'll be gone and I wont have to deal (or smell) this person again. So hopefully I'll have some more learned patience by then.

The whole reason for me even righting this is because yesterday she asked me to turn the light off in our room when I'm not using it (which is understandable, except you're never home anyways nor do you pay the bills) and of course when she came home the next day I made sure the light was off (did I mention the reason I'm not in the room when she comes home is because I avoid being in there when she is? My foster parent apparently thought that was important enough to report to my therapist like I have problems-But when I tell you whats actually going on you don't do anything about it so like...). Then today when came home I asked her to close the door when she goes in the room, while she was going to the room (because I can still hear whatever she plays from the living room). Guess what? She looked right at me, then walked to the room which is right across the living room and left the door wide open ON PURPOSE. Later on she said that basically it's not her job and that if I want it closed then I need to walk over and close it every time she leaves it open. It pissed me off so much that I just needed to write my feelings out because there isn't anything else I can do about it. Maybe when I'm older I'll look back on this and think 'wow look how strong you are now' and hopefully by then I'll be in a position where if someone is being an outright dick I can punch the shit out of them on the spot- I mean deal with them professionally.

just 110 more days Jasmine, you can do it. Do it for yourself girl do it for your boo thang

#what do i do #i need advice #advice

2 notes · View notes

firsttimeihadsomethingtolose · 7 years

Text

Nightmares

Hi everyone!

So i’m new to writing Shawn fanfic’s so feedback would be great! although i do write fanfic’s for this blog,it’s been a long time coming.But i finally wanted to give it shot i’m still rusty so go easy on me! haha.To the anon that requested “Jealous Shawn” i’m still working on it! requests can be sorta difficult as in how to start it off or for me to have it meet your expectations.But i promise it’ll be up soon!

This short story was inspired by a dream i had,or nightmare.And i just had to put it on paper or write it.I hope you like it.

xoxo

Jasmine

It was late,too late.And yet here i laid in bed after another sleepless night,again.I looked over to the side of the bed and saw Shawn still peacefully asleep.A smile immediately crept onto my face as i watched his soft snores make his perfect curls move.I wouldn’t dare wake him for my own selfish reasons,especially when he’s just got back from his European leg of the tour.Sleep was something he definitely needed even though he begged to differ at times.I sighed running my fingers through my hair,then carefully tipped toed my way out of our shared bed.Unfortunately sleep was not on today’s agenda for me.I manged to sneak safely out of the bedroom and into the bathroom to wash the beads of sweat on my face.Opening the facet,the cool water made me feel instantly relieved.I grabbed a towel and almost scared myself as i saw my reflection in the mirror.The dark circles still relevant under my eyes,along my with my skin looking paler then usual nightmares i mumbled to myself.For some odd reason they’ve become my reality for the past week.It also didn’t help not having Shawn’s presence here,but i seemed to mange and not have him notice.He had just arrived back home yesterday and i couldn’t be more excited to have some time with him before he’s off again.But the last i wanted was to worry him when he already has so much on his plate.Funny thing is i even try to recall these nightmares trying to piece them together,as if its some sorta jig saw puzzle I had to solve.It also didn’t help when i had to leave my social media accounts due to nasty comments from fans and articles.Not all were bad but some really took a toll on me.Shawn had advised me to stay off until things were back to normal.To which i don’t even know what is “normal” is anymore.Exiting the bathroom i walked into the kitchen taking out my favorite ice cream from the freezer,a guilty pleasure i have when i can’t sleep.I pulled a stool out and sat at the kitchen bar,taking off the lid of the no other Ben and Jerry’s chocolate therapy aka my weakness.My mouth watering at the sight as i took a spoonful and let it melt slowly in my mouth.A few minutes had passed and i was too busy in my own delight when i looked up to see Shawn slugged over the kitchen wall.He was shirtless and in a pair of loose sweats,his messy curls framing his perfect face.Along with his eyes barely opened as he was squinting but gave a small smile before walking over to me,My favorite kind of Shawn.

“You caught me” I shrugged giving him a half smile.He said nothing but pulled a stool next to mine,taking his own spoonful of ice cream and into his mouth.

“Mmmm” He moaned slowly taking the spoon out from his mouth backwards.And i must say it was a sight that even a sleepy Shawn made look hot.I chucked softly in response playfully nudging his chest and looked down not wanting to meet his eyes.Shawn instantly taking note that something was off.But instead of confronting me he held my hand bringing them to his lips instantly sending shivers to my body.

We sat in a comfortable silence taking turns eating ice cream,nearly getting brain freeze in the process.Little moments like this was something i appreciated about us.We didn’t have to say a word,we just fed off each others body language,our eyes meeting was like a open book into each others souls.But i knew i couldn’t avoid him forever,and as if on cue he finally cleared his throat catching my attention.

“So…” He started off his face serious as i finally met his eyes.

“So…” I mocked playing with the spoon inside the container.Shawn didn’t reply again instead he waited patiently for my response.In that moment i froze and began fidgeting,another bad habit of mine when i was nervous.Unfortunately Shawn wasn’t backing down,and i could feel him staring at me although i still avoided eye contact.

“It’s nothing” I said quietly.I turned to him again intertwining our hands trying to make my vague response reassuring.

“Really? This is nothing” Shawn pointed to my now empty Ben and Jerry’s container,chuckling.

“It’s just a little too much” I stated shrugging my shoulders.Shawn said nothing just simply nodded,immediately catching my drift.I knew from the start that dating Shawn came with a price and lots of sacrifices,but i’m beginning to question if i can handle it all.Things just weren’t normal anymore,going out in public,receiving weird stares and whispers behind my back.And to top it all off having Shawn away most of the time didn’t help.I tried burying myself into school and work,or even friends.But in the end no one could relate to me and my chaotic life.And the one person that can was out there doing what he loves.

“Come here” Shawn held his arms out as i collapsed into his strong arms my tears falling and all the stress rippling out of my body.I tried to be strong for both of us,but i can’t not now.

“It’s ok” Shawn soothed rubbing my back in circular motions.

“I can’t sleep” My voice came out muffled as i gripped onto Shawn’s shoulders for support.

“I know hun, i know.I’m so sorry.”

“We’re going to be ok,you’ll be ok” He pulled away,wiping to the tears for my red brimmed eyes.He looked apologetic as if he were the one to blame,for this,for me,for all the stress.The thought that he could even blame himself broke my heart altogether.

“Don’t you dare” I shook my head in disbelief.”It’s not your fault.”I sniffled wiping my eyes.

“I know,it’s just-” He concentrated trying to find the right words.”People are just assholes” He said bluntly.Making me erupt into a fit of giggles for some reason,I palmed my face shaking my head.

“What?” He asked innocently.

“What’s so funny huh?” He grabbed me poking at my sides,getting me at my weak spots.

“Oh if the mende’s army caught that,you’d be another meme on their list.” I walked away disposing of the ice cream container,placing the spoon in the sink,

“I still don’t even know what that is.” Shawn shouted back defeated.

“Guess you’ll never know” I winked crawling onto his lap,planting a soft kiss on his lips,then patting him on the head.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish.Shawn warned wiggling his eyebrows.I rolled my eyes in response lightly mushing his face.Of course that would be on his mind,boys.

“Come on let’s go somewhere” Shawn said out of nowhere.Making my forehead crease in confusion.

“Where? it’s like 2am” I giggled pointing to the time on the microwave.

“Anywhere” He said simply,his expression filled with excitement.

“I don’t know..” I teased pondering the idea with a smile on my face,Shawn’s faltering with his now puppy eyes.

“That’s not fair” I pointed out,squeezing his cheeks with both my hands making a fishy face.

“It’s not,but i think i’m winning.” He said confidently.I gasped whacking him in the chest.Before i knew my body was swung over Shawn’s back as he carried me back to our bedroom.

“Shawn! this is NOT fair put me down!” I tried wiggling at his grasp,unfortunately failing.Shawn smiling devilishly spanking my ass in the process.

“I hate being small” I groaned giving up on my escape letting my arms go limp onto his muscular back.And i swore i felt Shawn’s chest booming trying to hold back in his laughter.He finally placed me on our bedroom floor,as i crossed my arms over my chest.Shawn dashed around the room throwing a pair of sweats and a hoodie at me.

“Come on don’t be a downer” He teased pulling his own hoodie over his head,grabbing his car keys.

We spent the rest of the night-or morning driving around.Not particularly knowing where our destination would be,and not particularly caring.We blast the radio and sang our favorite songs,even if it was horrible.Or the fact that we may have woken up the whole neighborhood together.We went to our favorite fast food place,sitting in the parking lot just talking.I ranted on about my life without him for the past couple of months,and in return he told me all about tour.The crowd,the exhaustion and of course ridiculous pranks him and guys pulled off every night.I didn’t believe him before,But as the sun started to come up,and i laid my head on Shawn’s chest.I realized this is what i needed,Shawn was all i could ever need.And maybe just maybe,things will be ok.

#shawn mendes #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn imagine #fanfic

51 notes · View notes

zzpopzz · 7 years

Photo

Really long rant about how I made Vanilla Twilight, I typed it at 2am so it’s kinda crappy and boring, just skip through this post.

So I'd been thinking about it for a long time now, even before finishing Vanilla Twilight that I'd talk about it if someone asked, well that never happened so I was just thinking that I'd let it go but that post is so important to me so well fuck it I'll just talk about it anyway. I did it completely on a wimp like how cool would it be if I make a lyricstuck for Toumaki like I'd be the first (if anyone did this before me im sorry). The first song I intended to do wasn't VT, it was a much shorter and easier song. I saw the music video first time after a while and the lyrics gave me some scenes to draw right away, like the tones, the atmosphere, the lyrics all fit them very well, made me wanted to draw something happy but sad. The ending for it was a happy one instead of a sad one like other songs I did (I didn't post the ending for any of them, just let the viewers decide what it's gonna be) I was very scared like what if it won't turn out ok and people gonna hate me for it or no one even gonna look at it. Also what I visualized are mostly illustrations with backgrounds, what I never done before so high chance it won't go anywhere. I thought well let's just see how far will I get and won't talk about it at all until I post it so at least I won't be all barks no bite. I was very traumatized that someone might know about what I did so I locked all the files when I shut down my PC in case someone hack into it lmao. I started with making a storyboard(kinda) for it, this is where I first got trouble because there was some part I didn't think of when I visualized what I'd draw at first ( 'I don't feel so alone' part mostly and some in between) and it's only at this point that I realized how many I'd have to draw (over 40 images total) and it's mind blowing for someone who rarely finish a painting like me at that time, that number is more than what I'd draw in a year. VT doesn't have choruses that meant I can't do tricks like repeat some panels (I don't like this anyway). I usually painted on small canvas before that but I wanna make sure I can fix things later and some idea I had was pretty big so I used 3000x5000px canvas then trimmed them down ( I didn't know how big it was and it's huge). The idea was to make a tumblr scroll-post like a lyricstuck (my favorites are by paperseverywhere and toastyhat/emptyfeet , they made really cool tutorials about these) so I tried to drew out compositions that would look good scrolling down panel by panel and have some connections between them (this didn't turn out so good in the end because I wasn't good lol) Since I was scared that people might point out that I draw something wrong, it took me almost a week or something searching for references (check my pinterest board) like the streets, sky, houses, roads, outfits, poses,... I was going to draw. I got some knowledge about bikes by this too, like I can tell the differences between road bike, mtb, touring bikes,... I also see and captured bunches of screenshots and reread ywpd trivia countless time to make sure I won't get anything wrong. If you take notice, every outfit Toumaki wear in there are all canon, from anime or promos. The first few panels was really exciting because I had never painted so many with backgrounds before, I was really happy when I almost finished the first verse even compared to the full 3:50 of the song it was only 20 seconds and I thought maybe I can pull this after all. The last panel was intended to be Makichan standing infront of his house looking at the sky but I wanted to show the sky at the end of the panel and that wouldn't work on scroll-down post so I had to leave it for later, I repainted this panel for about 3 times and finished it just 30' before posting. The first panel of the second verse wasn't turning out alright too because that was my first time doing a 3 points perspective drawing and the colors didn't turn out as I wanted either (my intention was a green/gold dawn scene). Things kinda worked well despite that until the scene when Toudou sits in his ink, gdi I didn't know why I was so caught up in that and painted every piece of that wooden floor, it took me almost a week but turned out better than I expected so I was ok with it. I was going to make sketchy paintings for all of the panel but I did too much details on that one so it gave me the impression that I'll have to do just as much for every others. Now I still had school to go and that semester my uni got me pretty crappy schedule that made me have to wait for classes at school frequently, I was frustrated because I didn't get to paint during that time and I might finish it too late (even though I didn't set a deadline) and when I got home I just spent so much time checking twitter and just can't pick myself up to draw and ended up feeling shitty about it. *Side story* I was so mad because I didn't get anything done and there's still more than half of the whole thing to do and the worst part is that I had no one that I can talk to because I didn't have any friend who ship Toumaki and I also don't want to publicly talk about what I was doing, I wanted to surprise people when I'm done, I didn't wanna give people the expectation then screw it up (I literally thought I'd drop a bomb not a grenade lmao) I can't remember how long was that shitty phase but I felt like it was so long, I barely finished verse 2 at that point. I was so mad at myself and my progress so I spent a few days to look at time management threads and this helped a lot, I changed my habits completely by this and I still apply those methods now, like I used to stay up til 3am to read fics (bless you writers you fueled me with your writings bless you all) then I switch to bed before 12 and get up early for a good start or reduce working time while increasing quality* After that I kinda got things together,I just went ahead with painting tho it's still kinda tiring, I had to work on 5 essays during this time too. At this point I was like screw all, I give no shit about what everyone thinks I'm just gonna finish this and get some good nap (I practiced power nap to get more focus time for painting but dude everyone wants a good long nap) 10 days before uploading I found out that there's a Toumaki day (I'm so sorry), I was going to posted on the first sunday of June (I did researched on which was the best time to post on social medias so I randomly picked a sunday) and Toumaki day is the last sunday of May, that meant I had 10 days left and 15 panels to paint! I was going to ignore that but I already made it big I should make it right too so I shit my pants going through those last panels. I purposely hiding Toudou's face till the last verse to emphasize the feelz and got so relieved that I finally got to paint him (I read some tags that some viewers got emotional at this part so I'm so glad it worked). The whole things was put under Makichan's perspective so I was so sick of painting him at that point, he showed up in every panel and I can't paint him ugly because he's beautiful (especially his hair, I spent shitload of time painting them). I can talk lots about why I picked to do so but that's headcanon shit and it's embarrassing so let's just skip that. The last day I had only 3 panels left and I was hell confident that I've got this and somehow spent the whole evening rewatch Toumaki pingpong ep (end me). Of course that didn't end well, I managed to finish those by midnight but I still had like 3 panels that needed repaint completely and all 43 needed retouch and edits. My plan was to post at 9am sunday (thats 9pm saturday est) so I had to get up at 5am and finish all that, I ended up cutting down 2 panels and simplified the instrumental panel (some tags said that was nice so I was at least relieved). Unlike other songs I did, the length of every line's quite different and the original sizes I did would make viewers have to scroll slower or faster at different parts. I didn't plan this beforehand and had to trim down some panels even the parts that I really liked and spent lots of time on. I also found out that people outside the homestuck fandom might not familiar with this type of post so I made a video too (I’m sorry I have zero skill in editing). After posting I was terrified of people's reactions or worse, there won't be any reaction so I turned everything off and went to sleep and woke up with an unimaginable number of notes I'd got, I set the target of 500 notes and I really didn't think that I'd get past that number like maybe 2-300 (well my other songs didnt even get 200), at the end I got 5000. I spent the next week reading and screencap tags given in reblogs, I put them on desktop and they're still my motivation til now. Vanilla Twilight is the thing I'm proud of the most even until now, when I've done other songs and projects that look somewhat better. If I have to recommend one thing on my blog I'd recommend it despite its' unskilled paneling, poor composition and muddy colors. It was the first time in my life that I'd put so much effort into something and went through such emotional roller coaster, the feelings I put into it was raw and the idea was very original compared to other songs, I improved and changed a lot during the 2 months I spent on it and never once regret doing it. ***Anyway, you sure have much free time to read it this far, here's a little game for you: I put random things in VT and HF like some characters/stuff from other series, my ocs,... (there wasn't anything purposeless in there even the logo on their cups or the bags they wear) just send me anything you find and I'll draw you something in return**

#toumaki #tweetdump #rant #poopask

7 notes · View notes

nalyra-dreaming · 7 years

Text

HannibalCon RDC3 - day 1. Personal recap

So yesterday was the day that so many of us feverishly anticipated and dreaded :), the actual possibility of meeting Bryan Fuller, Hugh Dancy, Aaron Abrams, Scott Thompson, Demore Barnes and Ellen Muth! I mean. What -are- the chances? I flew over Friday morning (having dreaded flying in that storm but it did die down that night, fortunately) with Alex and we made our way over to arrive at 10 am, to photos of other Fannibals on Twitter already, though the hotel was still very much empty. Good to take photographs :) I got upgraded to the next room level (which is why I can now drink coffee while writing this at 5:30 am (thank goodness)). By afternoon the lobby was filling slowly, flowercrowns everywhere. A truly elevating atmosphere, because even though I'm not really a flowers and frilly stuff kind of gal, it just is incredible to watch. Btw the bloody flowercrown @idontfindyouthatinteresting made for me drew many compliments (thank you, again!) Registration openend a bit early and people went queuing until the main ceremony started. Incredible, there were soooo many people there, so many beautiful cosplays already. @lovecrimecat came by and we distributed the flyers for @radiance-anthology flyers to those standing in line, managed to meet so many of those who signed up (yay), got little gifts in exchange from so many people (and everybody just gave me a second one when I asked so I could give them to Katrina who couldn't come - so awesome of you guys, thank you again!). I met so many people 'from' Twitter and it' so nice to recognize some from last time, to put name and face to the @s. *hugs at all* Opening ceremony. I have a gold ticket this year so I went up front and sat next to SpiceyScorpion, only to realize that -that- was way to much in front for my nerves .... *rolls eyes at self*. I went a few rows back and to the side, which was a good decision for later^^. "They" came in a few minutes to late, we saw Aaron and Scott do shadow theatre behind the scenes and Sean called them out one after the other. Demore seemed honestly happy to be there, addressing us with such kind words, upping the applause and calling backstage that that could not possibly be topped*fg*. Aaron came out and asked us to clap for Hugh because he was supposedly afraid he wouldn't get any ^^^^^, Scott said something along these lines as well, I think. Both very funny. Ellen was there^^ and addressed us with a few kind ords and then Sean announced Bryan next and the room (not in any way quiet before) went -wild-. And Bryan.... Bryan went "crowdsurfing". Meaning he ran through the aisles and high-fived us. You know that sitting to the side decision? Yeah.... What a moment, there's lots of pictures in the Tag #HannibalCon, go and look, it was.... incredible. God bless. Anyway Hugh came out last, announced by Sean as one of the best british actors, and boy, that was applause^^. He seemed a bit overwhelmed with the energy there^^ and honestly, I can't quite remember what he actually said but it was something along the lines that he was looking forward to a wonderful weekend. They came out together after that and we held up the signs that @the-winnowing-wind distributed - "Fannibals Forever".... They took videos and photos of us. Bryan posted some of it later. Incredible moment to have been part of. I'm even in Bryans video (yay^^ (and if you know where to look^^)). The gold ticket holders went across the hall next, to a slightly smaller room with tables set up and we were seated by group/friends. And then we waited, because they got something to eat first.... (darn^^^). Colleen got out some booze and we talked a lot and proverbially bit our nails a lot *g*. When they finally got in they were sent to the various tables for 4-minute-meet-ups. Only the meet-ups didn't stay at 4 minutes :P. Demore was first and I was soooooo nervous. (The seat next to me was free btw, and so the -all- ended up sitting right next to me (*still screaming about that*. .... ) I shook my hands in the air in an effort to get rid of some of the energy and he put his hand on my shoulder asking me why I was nervous and I brabbled something unintelligible and shook my head. Very sweet. We talked a bit about his fight scene with Mads and that we would have liked to see more of him^^ and I told him I can't wait to see him in American Gods and he rubbed my back when he left. *float* Next was Scott, who brought his pizza and drank some mooneshine with us^^, played Tarot with us and was generally just this very kind and interesting person. I wasn't -quite- that nervous anymore by then (thanks Demore (and Colleen for the prosecco)), meaning I actually talked a bit, though I can't quite remember what^^. Ellen was next and she was also very nice, we talked about the fact that her scenes are imho some of the most scary in Hannibal. She also wore some of the coolest jeans I'd ever seen^^. Ok. Next? BRYAN. He saw the Will!Faun scarf of @flying-rotten we had put on the table cloth and chuckled that he knew who -we- are waiting for and that he couldn't blame us^^. He asked us, if push came to shove, if we would prefer Will & Hannibal S4 or SotL. Our table was Hannigram, though there was apparently one that was 'done' with it.... He told us about it a bit, much the same that Hugh has said before as well, that it would be an inversion of S1 etc. I.... hope that push does not come to shove, because he told us a bit about how much he loves the lyric of Thomas Harris books and I would really love for him to be able to fully lay out his vision. I hope he gets to do this (we have to continue to fight, guys!!!). He also told us, that Thomas Harris apparently writes a new book and he.... poked Martha to get the rights to it already, without quite knowing what it was about yet *g*. I.... took all my courage then and showed him one of the Radiance-Flyers and explained a bit and we asked if he wanted to do a little something like a foreword for it. And guys - HE DOES! He asked when it would need to be done and I said May 1st and he looked at the flyer and indicated the twitter @ there and asked if he should send it there and I was like (you know this situation, where, once you start, your mouth kind of runs away with you?! At least mine did^^^) "Oh well, yes, or you know you follow me on twitter, you can just send it there if you want" and he looked at me (directly) and said "yes, I know." Well, RIP me. I answered with a very intelligent "ah" if I recall correctly and ducked my head and then Romina and I emphasized that it would be awesome if he actually wants to do that and finds the time. He asked us after what drew us to Hannibal, as he got feedback from a lot of the other young women (I thanked him for 'young', you know, once you're in it doesn't matter anyhow *another eye roll at self*) and we said that its not only beauty and connection, but also intelligence. You have to think with Hannibal. He recommended 'Legion' to us and asked if we'd seen it before and I said that some stuff hasn't made it across the big pond yet. And then Bryan went and .... not ranted directly.... but expressed his lack of understanding of the fact that things take so long to be legal and why series were not streamed worldwide because people would just go and pirate it anyway -because- it was not available legally. He went and made a (imho) very fitting anology with the conservative stance on abortions in contrast to piracy, meaning just because it's forbidden it doesn't stop people from doing so, it just gets unsafer and illegal. Oh and he took photos of our table and @dr3piecesuit s and another girls tattoo, because he loves them. :) And he told us that he brought something for Hugh to wear for the Cosplay contest. Can't wait *g* He was called away then, way past the 4 minutes^^ and .... he is such a precious human being?! Exuding so much warmth and honesty and exuberance. I feel honored that I got to sit there. A propos honored... Hugh was next and there I was again - nervous. Awesome. *third eyeroll* He complimented Camilles Will!Faun, saying it was very beautiful and then laughing that that was maybe a bit weird^^, and then telling us about all the gifts he gets and that he keeps the little plush Wills, giving them to his son to play with, even the bloody ones..... *fg*. The girl next to me (@OnTheVerger) talked to him about how much Adam means to her because she has Aspergers and then broke into tears and Hugh comforted and hugged her and it was sooo sweet. We showed him the Radiance flyers as well and he said "blood fueled embraces, indeed" *g*. Bryan ran by then and left a bitten off Babybel for Hugh. IDK if Hugh bit off that piece or if Bryan did but it was hilarious^^. Hugh had to leave then and Aaron came to our table last, I told him I backed him and he told us about the film he and Scott are in (Scott came by and set down next to him^^) and we talked about how much we would all want to see more of Hannibal. Oh and Scott said (before) that he was supposed to teach Clarice Starling - how awesome would team Sassy Science be doing that in SotL? Seriously? Anyway, I remember I touched Aarons shoulder in the spur of the moment talking about -something- but I can't remember what exactly and the panicking about that. ;)) I went to my room at 1:15am, got into bed by 2am and was wide awake again at 5:15 am. What. a. rush. PS: This is no photos because my cameras not that good - check the Hashtag on Twitter, there's TONS of them ;). Already ;)

#hannibalcon #hannibal #rdc3 #bryan fuller #hugh dancy #aaron abrams #scott thompson #ellen muth #recap #first day #fannibals #what a rush

142 notes · View notes

m-dubita-beale-blog · 5 years

Text

High Thoughts of the Day......

So lately ill get high and then my opinionated ass will engage into philosophical conversations , rants, tangents, whatever the case and I’ve noticed that i have some recurring trains of thought. Figured i would get them out there, share a bit but also put them down for myself....plus this saves paper. Any-who ill just list a few but first take into account that all i can hear right now is Pyramids by a one Sir Frank Ocean vibe extraordinaire. This beautiful soul has created a lovely song comprised of 2 separate parts and the first is nice it sets a mood something to introduce you to the trip but that second act that? that shit right there is what really sticks with you, wiggles its way into the folds of your brain and stay there a while to the point where the song is off and you still hear the shit.

[Hook]

She's working at the pyramid tonight

Working at the pyramid

Working at the pyramid tonight

Working at the pyramid, that's right

Working at the pyramid tonight, yeah

Working at the pyramid

Working at the pyramid tonight

Working at the pyramid

Working at the pyramid tonight

Catchy. As. FUCK.....What’s that called? an Ear-worm? im Feeling this shit right now im singing and everything. Here try to keep up take the trip with me https://youtu.be/DC7DmLsQN7s (*song of the day*)

1. I truly believe that Life(mine, yours, our shared reality on planet Earth, everybody, ect ect ect.) is just an Anime. Everything within said Anime has a shared continuity but is also all canon and filler at the exact same time. Crazy right? mind blown. everything that happens in anime happens in some way or another in real life. Marinate on that a while, recall your entire life or what you remember of it so far how ever long you've been alive from your earliest memory to your most recent one and all of has been stepping stones linearly leading forward in time filling each moment with what ever it takes to get to the next part. the next episode. that next level up. and none of the shit really matters in the long run. We have hopes, dreams, aspirations, real accomplishments, accomplishments we wish actually had, current goals we are working toward, important shit we procrastinate on, and all for what? selfish reasons probably. shades of immortality to have your name, your legacy remembered in the pages of time. YOU ONLY LIVE AS LONG AS THE LAST PERSON WHO REMEMBERS YOU........right? we are all both protagonists and side characters in somebody elses life....mind blown again huh?... we live in a world where fact and fiction are the same. Jordan is widely recognized as the G.O.A.T: and i badly need a pair of those Off/white 1′s in red but they need to bring them ridiculous sneaker prices down: Fact Goku defeated Frieza on planet Namek by going super saiyan and in doing so took down a galactic tyrant becoming one of the most iconic moments in pop culture: Fact. https://youtu.be/0qAJgwkN76Y (*transition*) Phoebe: “C’mon you guys. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin’ around their tank, ya know, holding claws!” such a famous quote turned meme that some people actually believe to be fact because they saw it on friends but in actuality i learned that lobsters actually have some pretty complex mating rituals where the females have to seduce a man but anyway......instead of mating for life, a dominant male lobster mates with an entire harem of female lobsters. He mates with each female one at a time, in a series of serial flings that last about two weeks each. Which is far more like “serial monogamy” with alot of babies and not expectation of child support so really she should have said another animal like a swans, or elephants, penguins, turtle doves, (insert other species that mates for life): Fact https://youtu.be/U1AOoHSijIk -> Whatever thats enough of that, its 10mins till 2am and i think ill go find some thing to snack on and turn on netflix for a bit before bed. that new season of Voltron just dropped.

2. In my own personal opinion Voltron:The Legendary Defender is absolutely the best Netflix original series available to stream now. hands down, quote me. you heard it here first. top shelf......sure its not for everyone but im 26 and i love it for so many reasons. The incredibly dynamic visuals dreamworks animation studio has created, the storytelling, character development, so many different elements that keep you intrigued, curious, or just engaged in someway, Nostalgia off course, and idk what it is about watching cartoons late at night thats so comforting. Also i love outer space and shit pertaining to it so that’s a plus because opportunity given I'd love to be out there in that never ending sea of stars that is filled with mystery, wonder, and knows no gravity[gotta love that oxford comma]. If you ever have time i would highly recommend the cinematic adventure. With about 8 successful seasons now its perfect binge material.

Closing remarks: https://youtu.begmFAJPArhqM (Thank you and goodnight)

0 notes

samanthasroberts · 7 years

Text

Getting Sober: Redefining My Longest Relationship

Id call it time traveling. Most of the time I didnt know I was doing it until I was already in too deep. It didnt matter the day of the week or the time, or who I was with. I was just as capable of bending time alone, as I was with a handful of friends.

There was no such thing as one or two or three drinks. Just like a two headed giraffe didnt exist, neither did grabbing a couple of drinks. Its that simple. I really cant explain it any other way. My average was a drink every fifteen minutes. I never thought about that. I didnt brag about it or work towards it or talk about it, my rhythm just happened. The drink was in my hand and I drank it. I didnt think of slowing down or having an empty hand.

Id start somewhere- at an apartment or at dinner or a happy hour or on a date and Id arm myself with whatever I was in the mood for. There were the regular players: Jack Daniels and diet coke, chardonnay, Redbull and vodka, Blue Moon and those few years in my early 20s where I thought the only two drinks on the planet was a Sex On The Beach and Cosmo. Drink menus were for amateurs.

Never red wine though. It stained my teeth and lips, Id explain when asked, and respond with my quirky I only drink it alone and in the dark answer. Theyd always laugh.

For a long time the only shot I tossed back was Patron XO. Lemon drops and Kamikazes were too collegiate for me. I was smart enough to know that I always got sick after Whiskey. That was my kryptonite. It didnt stop me from drinking it again (and again), just in case getting sick was a one time thing. Spoiler alert: it wasnt.

So that was me, always, from the first time I got drunk during a party at 16 years old to my four day New Years Eve bender at age 30. But lets not call it a bender, or else my parents will worry. It was celebrating a new year with friends. It was a vacation and a belated birthday. It was me letting present, in the moment Diana take the wheel for a few days.

By the time YOLO was on T-shirts I had carpe diem booze down to a science.

It was all so normal and always OK: competing with friends how many guys we can make out with in one night (one of my favorite games), bouncing around speakeasys in the East Village, sneaking into the high end member only clubs in the Meatpacking District, 4am pancakes at a diner then going home with the cutest guy there, leaving without paying your tab, putting your drinks on a strangers tab, hooking up with your friends crush, sleeping with a guy who has a girlfriend (what, he had an accent, ok?), telling work you have a doctors appointment when you need an extra hour of sleep, telling work youre sick when youre too hungover to get out of bed, napping in the bathroom stall at work when you realize you went to work still drunk.

Theres wasnt a problem with any of this. I could go to six bars in a night and only remember two of them (seetime traveling). Others had different, less poetic names for it- like graying out or even more ominous, going black out. But lets not talk about that. Those words are scary.

It all just made so much sense to me. I had a desperate thirst for life, for new experiences and stories that were only mine and drinking was my very own special key to open that door. I dont remember being trained but I knew this truth: that I needed to drink- to have fun, to meet a guy, to de-stress, to celebrate, after a bad day, after a good day, when its more than 50 degrees out, when its under 15 degrees, because its Monday.

Its dramatic sounding, I know, but when I was drinking, like really in the middle of a good run, I was untouchable. My thoughts evened out and worries were left at the coat check. I was charming and funny. I was weightless and sexy. Nothing could ground me.

I wasnt stupid. I knew what was happening. There wasnt a river in Egypt. The biggest part was the after, when Morning Diana gradually and reluctantly pixelated back into place ready to droop down into the exorcist-like hangover.

When I was in college my hangover cure was strawberries and chocolate milk. After I received my diploma I graduated to well-done bacon, coffee, Mimosas. Water never entered the equation.

Sometime in my mid-twenties while I was gripping on to my spinning couch, I googled hangover and depression and was so relieved when I read the phrase emotional hangover. I immediately felt better seeing the feeling I felt printed on my screen. It was a relief: I wasnt alone in this feeling and it had a name. Urban Dictionary knows about it so it must be OK. Ill finish my bacon and chocolate milkshake and be just ducky.

The recovery time was always different- sometimes I could slide out of bed and be partially human the next day and other times I needed a day alone to stew in a mental playback of the night before. During those days the biggest challenge was the trek from my bedroom to couch. No matter how I recouped I never thought it was bad. I thought my friends were doing it too.

Country songs and Van Wilder confirmed for me that getting drunk and hangovers were a part of life. I never raised my hand to question it. So, about the men. I bet you thought it was hard to find a man with all this time zig zagging and space jumping but it wasnt. Lets go back ten years again and Ill tell you about all the threesomes I had. It was me, the guy, and alcohol.

It was how I flirted, played, connected, and bonded with men, always. If the boyfriend had a bad day wed start downing drinks in the hopes that hed open up and talk to me. To flirt with the new cute coworker Id suggest we play beer after work. Hed find it charming and cute and wed drunkenly made out in the corner of the bar after swapping 1st pet names and office gossip. I had a fling with a British banker off and on for 3 years and when wed meet late night hed pour us shots of tequila first. It was our thing. Our inside joke with Don Julio.We didnt know each others last names but we shared an appreciation for top shelf tequila at 3am before having sex. Im a romantic, I know.

My favorite three words when I was with a guy were Want another round?

During each encounter, each date, I wouldnt feel satisfied until I heard those words. He could shout it or whisper it in my ear, either way I wanted those words. It meant: he liked me, hes having a good time, and he wanted to keep spending time with me. He didnt want the night to end. It meant intimacy, it meant hand holding and flirty eyes and of course, sex.

I could count the number of times I had sober sex on one hand. I didnt enjoy it. To avoid it, Id explain that I simply didnt like morning sex. Most of the time Id be too hungover to move from a fetal position so it wasnt pursued for long on his end anyway. Hooking up drunk was sexy and fun. We could let our inhibitions go and really connect. Fun was had by all. I wasnt worried about any of it.

Theres unfortunately worse parts. Im not going to tell them to you though. Mostly because my mother may read this. But also because I was once told that you dont need to go all the way to the bottom floor in order to get off the elevator. So lets baby step off the lift, shall we?

I was in one of my first sessions with my new therapist when she told me I repeated the word untouchable a lot and made me explain why I thought that was a good word. (See all of the above for my response). Valentines Day was two weeks away and I was mentally preparing to be single again during my least favorite holiday of the year.

I wasnt too worried though because Id participate in my friends annual BOVD- Black Out Valentines Day. The year before included colorful fish bowls and sushi till 2am. Problem solved. I was talking but realizing more and more how much she looked like Lily Tomlin when she put a piece paper down in front of me. It was a wordy contract with bullet points in the middle and a blank line next to my name at the bottom.

I was supposed to go a week without drinking. Thats a lie. I could drink. But only three glasses of beer or wine, two different nights. If I broke the contract I had to give $100 to her. Lily was crazy. How was this legal? I couldnt do this. Fact. I shouldnt have even been there. I wanted to deal with this but apparently not by actually dealing with it. I argued with her and left the session with the unsigned document squished to the bottom of my purse. That night I didnt sleep and express ordered Alan Carrs Easy Way to Control Alcohol. Problem solved. I went out drinking all week. And I drank like no one was watching.

Then I signed the contract. And then when week one ended, I signed the next contract. Was it easy? Fuck no. Did I have to write some checks to my therapist? Yes. Did I cry? Did I rant? Did my hands and mind twitch and turn during dinners with friends as I stared at my 1 drink for the night? Hell to the yes. Most nights all I could think about was my hand stammering under the table and how much I wanted and needed another drink.

I thought of the contract and Lilys annoying face staring down at me. I thought of how I felt when I was hungover. I thought of the fuzzy nights. I thought of the fuzzy years. I cried a lot. I stayed in and watched Netflix even more. I watched Vampire Diaries starting at season 1, many times. In therapy I compared my drunk self to being a vampire with no soul. There are many different points of view on vampire rule and regulations but most of them agree that the creatures of the night have no soul. Stick with me here. In Vampire Diaries the rule of thumb is that vampires can turn this soul switch off and on. When its on they feel everything, when its off they feel nothing and become untouchable. Follow me now? The easy way to live is to keep the switch off. I did that, over and over again. I was tired of it and wanted to be in the world of the living again. I didnt decide this overnight. It took months, a lot more episodes of Vampire Diaries and most of 2015. Something weird happened around the same time I switched to watching new episodes of Arrow that wouldve really pissed off my 23 year old Cosmo drinking self- I stopped enjoying drinking.

By November I was completely sober and joined a boxing ring. I could get up in the morning and exercise. I didnt need to sign a contract anymore. I sober dated. I sober celebrated friends birthdays. I sober had a fun Thursday night. I went to AA meetings sometimes and spent most of the meeting listening and nodding my head. I was funny and smart and friendly during the day and I was funny and smart and friendly at night. I added to my own life and stopped letting drinking take away from it. I started a social group. I started a book club. I started.

Sometime between the last crippling snow storm of last year and planning my 31st birthday, I stopped wanting to go to Edit Undo. I re-entered my own life. I went through those years and theyre a part of me for worse or worser. I went through it before knowing there was another side. I hit my rock bottoms (yes, there was more than one). Im still learning how to talk about it- what I want to say about it and to who. But the further I get from the person I was then, the more I like who Im turning into now. But letting go of her seemed like an impossible ask that the tiny tired voice deep inside me was begging for.

If I stopped drinking Id lose all of me, not just a part. I was terrified as if I was going to lose a limb or my hearing. My life would be filled withwhat? Id have no buoy or security blanket or man behind the curtain. Id be dry, unfilled, just curved edges and rims. The thought paralyzed me.

Now, Im at this other side. Im still learning what this other side is like and who I am in it. But I do know this- Im more now than I was before. Im more me and more strong and more present. I feel more and I listen to me more.

Days are now broken up between feeling this raw, strength of life and connection to people and namastes and really fantastic Im part of the universe and not from vibes to a total, giant uncertainty and instability, and anger and exhaustion. I never knew I could get tired of feelings. Weve moved in together, you see. We wake up together and go to bed together and they insist on forming an invisible fanny pack around my waist during the day. Hello intimacy, party of two. Theyre normally the big spoon. My thoughts continue from one moment to the next and connect without taking breaks. I had years and years of turning myself on and off and more off and now I just want to be on.

I wish I could say that when I wake up sober now, Im not depressed anymore or lonely, my friends became better friends, I became the perfect best friend, sister and daughter, and my love life came together Prince Charming Cinderella style. But becoming more sober didnt mean everything clicked into place, it just means I see the pieces more clearly and I dont hide from the messy parts.

So now whatdo I become resentful and guilty and depressed thinking about the years I spent avoiding intimacy and feelings and honesty and fuck, concrete memories? Do I think those years dont count? Do I blame my bad habits on the constant excess of New York City? Do I blame the alcoholic-like attributes that run in my blood line? Do I blame my friends? Or the work hard play hard Don Draper industry I work in? Do I blame shitty men boys?

Yes, to all of the above. I point the finger at all of them and then back at me, and then at them and back at me. Lily says hi.

Ive had men yell at me, not being able to grasp the idea of my moderated drinking habits, insisting that Im just pretending I dont drink because I wanted them to buy me drinks. I dont get it either. No means no guys. My friendships have changed, my god have my friendships changed. One friend who pre-games with a bottle of wine (a standard respectable approach I once followed), on multiple occasions, dumped her wine into my water when she realized I wasnt drunk like she was. Yeah, I dont spend time with her anymore.

I went sixty days without drinking before I decided to drink again. For me it was like breaking up with a boyfriend and then meeting up again two months later. Never a good idea. Youll never want to be just friends who catch every up every now and then. I drank Vueve Clicquot and it didnt make the night better but it didnt make it worse. I didnt gray out. I didnt break down. That night isnt fuzzy. I could wake up in the morning.

Theres been other times when I drank recently and couldnt move far from the couch. Those times are a quick, slap in the face of what not to do. But old feelings and doubts still come flooding back in. Will I always want another drink? Why cant I just stay sober? Why does everyone make it look so easy? Is my therapist actually Lily Tomlin?

Deep down I know the majority of my problems start and stop with alcohol. Drinking will always be a part of my life whether Im drinking or not. Itd be easier to figure out if I wasnt both the variable and constant in this little conundrum of mine.

Today, I stare all the feels in the face, and make sure they know the last sixteen years matter but the last thirteen months matter even more. Im not her anymore, Im a different, more me now.

Im not 100% sober and I dont know if I ever will be. One day, maybe sooner rather than later, I could decide to sign up for a sober lifestyle again. But right now, I cant imagine midnight on New Years Eve without a champagne toast. I can do without five toasts but one still feels OK to me. So yeahmy relationship with drinking? We file it under Its complicated.

The good news is, Ive learned how to unwind on a Friday night without the trifecta of a bottle of wine, pizza and Netflix. My secret is just pizza and Netflix.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/13/getting-sober-redefining-my-longest-relationship/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/11/13/getting-sober-redefining-my-longest-relationship/

0 notes