#it's the point in the semester when everything is due at once and i am so overwhelmed
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beardy 1980s rob :')
#he really did that#anyway i ignored facebook for a few weeks and then i see someone posted the 2nd photo and my life is made whole#it's the point in the semester when everything is due at once and i am so overwhelmed#but you know rob hirst is hot and thats all that really matters!!!#midnight oil#rob hirst
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[July 18, 2023 6:26PM] disclaimer: long post ahead. This might be TMI for some; you can skip it.
To those who are new to my dash [yes, I followed some in the last few months because I wanted to see new people], Hi, I'm Jelli! It was nice to be your mutual here.
As usual, I just woke up again because I slept late last night due to one of my major subject submissions at 11:59 p.m. Anyway, good evening. Well, maybe good morning if you are living in a different Time Zone. Here's a life update that you didn't ask for:
Well, I have a few more days before my one-week diet and my therapy. I've been waiting for this time to share what's really happening to me alone. I've been receiving messages lately; some were asking how I was doing, some were already aware of my health condition, which I have shared here, and some were just skipping those posts because that's really what they were supposed to be.
I've already mentioned this in my previous posts, [but let me repeat it again because who cares, right?] I was diagnosed in April 2023 with a non-toxic goiter and underwent surgery in May 2023. One week after I was discharged, my biopsy result came out, and I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid carcinoma [this is curable, by the way; it's just that I'm really scared at its finest because we have a strong family history when it comes to this type of illness]. Yes, you can do your own research on what that is [if you would like], but that was really the term that I would like to go for. In other words, I'm not yet done with medications, laboratories, and hospital admissions. Frankly speaking, it's really hard to accept it at first, but I really need to, because for me, acceptance is really the best thing that I can do to go on with my day while I'm waiting for my next doctor's appointment. I am just hoping for the best with my radioactive iodine therapy on the 31st. It might be a little harder for me and for my loved ones because I need to be isolated for 3–5 days and another 15 days once discharged.
Due to my health condition, I've been on leave since April 10, 2023, and I'm still not sure if I will go back to work or not. We'll see after my therapy and recuperation period. Despite my current situation, I will still be able to retain my academic achievement as part of the president's list from last semester. For sure, you were able to see it if we are friends on Facebook.
I was able to see my longtime friends from 2013 on July 9, 2023. I've been missing in action for four years due to personal matters. I had a great night with them and with our partners, just like in the old days. It might be a short period of time that has been allotted for that dinner because we have our priorities the next day, but it's really memorable for me. I am truly grateful to have them in my life.
There's nothing new that happened in my life during the second quarter because of my current situation. Aside from me trying my luck in freelancing because I really want to change the industry in which I am working, I am also just going back and forth to the hospital, and prior to that, I was given a chance to go celebrate my Birthday with @/niiiikkotin and @/p0poynawalangbasha weekend after the holy week last April 2023, visit Nikko's family mid-April 2023, and take a long week vacation with my family last May 2–5, 2023.
I think is the best thing that I could share here. If you will ask me, How am I doing? I am currently okay while I'm typing this. But still, not every day is a good day. I still have days when I'm at my lowest physically, financially, emotionally, and mentally, but I know how strong I am and I can get through this. A little progress every day is still progress for me. I hope everything goes well in the next few days.
If you reach this point in your reading, thank you for taking the time. We might not be that close personally, but I still appreciate you listening to [or, initially, just reading] my chika. Have a great night, and take care always!
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Mr. Jeon
“So, class, is that understood?”
What? What is meant to be understood? Fuck. I stared at him too long and zoned the FUCK out.
“Yes, Mr. Jeon,” said the class in unison while I just… sat there. My face gives away my confusion and well, just like every-fucking-thing else, shit is against me. For some reason my face just cannot hide my true emotions, so I’m an open book for EVERYONE to read. I can’t even lie, which is so useless in any school setting. Well this is University, but y’know , same thing.
“Miss y/l/n, kindly stay after class, I’d like to have a quick word,” Mr. Jeon says rather sternly, which is amazing it’s exactly what my soul wants to be fed with. Uh, a hot, sassy, stern and HANDSOME man? Yeah, I’ll take the whole lot, thanks. Also, it’s technically professor Jeon, but he likes to be a little more casual with us.
God Y/N can you quit rambling within your own head?
As the rest of the class heads out the lecture room, I gather my things and head up to the teacher’s desk.
“Am I in trouble?” I ask, awkwardly laughing. Does saying ha-ha literally count as laughing at all…? Fuck he’s talking-
“-and that’s not trouble as such, however, passing this class requires full attention.”
“Uh, sir, with all due respect, I’m doing fairly well in the tests recently, being a bit lost-in-the-daydream, or, I don’t know, zoning out thinking about something exciting, is, in my humble opinion, normal…yes?” I say fumbling with the corner of my skirt, which I definitely wore to get his attention. But I’m making a solid point here!
“Lost in the daydream? What are you talking about?”
“Uh. Isn’t that what you’re raising an issue with?”
“No, Miss Y/L/N but that is also proving to be a problem. Hmm. No, I was talking about not overloading your course load this semester with extra classes. Graduating early sounds great, only if you’re physically capable. I thought you were looking quite ill, for as long as you’ve been in my class. But I see now that’s just you zoning out? And every class?” He says, crossing his arms against his chest and furrowing his eyebrows. Phew that’s HOT. Okay no focus. For once, focus.
To be fair, I understand him. I zone out in all of his classes, daydreaming about him. I know I have to impress him though so I make an extra effort to rewatch his lectures and perform well in the tests. Well, that is actually tiring me out. Maybe I am sick?
Sick in loooove-
“Miss Y/L/N?”
God if I hear that from his mouth one more time-
“No, yeah, it’s a problem. I don’t know. I’m so sorry Mr. Jeon. Rest assured, I’m able to handle my schedule, at least so far I have been able to. Thank you for your concern!” I smile awkwardly, moving to the right to exit the class.
“If paying attention is hard, feel free to ask for help to repeat or explain any concept you need. I can let you know when I’m not in class, and you can visit my office.”
He said WHAT?
Uh.
Yeah, no, I’m gonna take him up on that fucking offer.
“Really? Yes, that would be very helpful. Thank you.”
“Alright. I’ll email you my schedule. Come with good questions.” He says and gets to clearing the whiteboard.
I awkwardly smile again, with my teeth forming a box, and leave.
Okay.
Time to process what happened.
Is he interested in me? No. He doesn’t give that vibe, at all. He probably thinks I’m an air head and doesn’t realise that I’ve the fattest and fastest growing crush on him, so that’s good.
He literally doesn’t care about me. That’s good. A one sided crush and I can fantasise about him all I want. Everything is better in my head anyway.
Reality is no good.
————-
It’s good that I actually have questions and this is actually a fantastic opportunity to learn better from someone that has researched this topic.
Definitely not just an amazing opportunity to potentially have his babies. Nah, a long way to go for that.
I pack up my notes and a bunch of highlighters- because I’m so shit at being organised I just keep loose highlighters, pens, you name it. At least I have some? Does the job.
“Good evening, Mr. Jeon. Thank you so much for giving me your time like this,” I said, blushing, because wow this is so… I mean… we’re alone in his office.
He chose to see me after he was done for the day but still in office to do some grading, which is good because I don’t need to feel pressured that he has another class coming up.
“Oh no worries. Anything for a bright student like yourself.”
Fuck, there I go blushing again.
“Are you feeling alright? You look like the heat really got to you today?”
Oh yeah, the heat radiating off your body- SHUT THE FUCK UP Y/N AND SAY SOMETHING!
But you just asked me to shut up?
Quit talking to yourself in your head dumbass and SAY SOMETHING-
And my face just for redder in embarrassment.
“Oh, yeah, phew, it’s HOT outside today!” I said, quite loudly, which is EXTREMELY awkward. Fantastic.
“Here, I’ll turn this aircon on for you. Don’t worry about it, get comfortable,” he says, turning the aircon on. Honestly that would be nice.
I take a seat by his desk and pull out my notes.
“So, I actually do have questions, but some might be out of curriculum. I went down a rabbit hole whilst researching the answers to my questions, and it only led to more questions.” I said, gathering myself and actually getting serious.
‘Actually getting serious’ you’re such a joke y/n-
-DON’T talk to me I’ve got shit to do!
You’re talking to yourself-
Ssh he’s talking!
“Classic sign of a good student. Your curiosity is valuable, hold onto it. Ask away, love.” He says, smiling so cutely, fuck.
‘LOVE?’
LOVE??????????????? NO NO NO I CANNOT ZONE OUT-
I clear my throat and ask my first question.
“Can you please explain the embryological development of the small and large intestines? I don’t know if it’s my lack of spatial imagination but I cannot visualise the twisting and turning, the umbilical cord and literally everything else.” The words came pouring out, and I’m thankful for that.
“Ah, of course. Let me draw it out for you, love.”
This is gonna be hell.
——
“It’s satisfying to have my questions answered, I must say. And I’m impressed you answered every single one, somehow?” I said, quite casually.
It took one session for me to actually become comfortable with him, and he’s actually more human that I expected him to be. He’s so dreamy, I didn’t think he’d be normal. And funny. And sweet. And cute. I’m in love.
“Well, I aim to please.” He said… slightly smirking and looking away.
This bitch.
Please me.
“Haha, yeah…” of course I’m fucking awkward, how else do I respond to that?
“So are you pleased?
“Uh, yeah. I did say it was satisfying.”
“Well, mission accomplished. I’d love to be of help to you, love.” He said, very casually, making it look like none of this sounds strangely sexual. Maybe it’s in my head because I’m a horndog for him, so sure.
“Oh man, I really need to head out to get some groceries before I get home. Would you like me to drop you home?” He says, packing things up along with me.
Classic. Yes take me home.
“That’s really kind of you, I’d love that. I mean not love, I just mean, it’ll be really nice, nice I guess in a way that I won’t have to take public transport at rush hour-“
“- I get it, Miss Y/L/N, I’d love to take you home.”
Oh hell no.
Not in my head.
Not in my HEAD.
But he LOOKS LIKE IT MEANS NOTHING? It doesn’t sound suggestive… I’m a fuckin’ creep.
“Haha, okay… I can come to the grocery store too. I live alone, so I need to figure this out.”
“Oh? I live alone as well, I have the same reasons.”
Come to think of it, he does look very young, and he is actually the youngest in our faculty. But being young doesn’t mean you can’t have a wife or a husband.
———
This grocery store is as dead as his feelings for me. Fun.
He’s picking out the good tomatoes from the bad, and I’m hoping he squishes my tomato-
That’s actually disgusting, y/n. Get a hold of yourself.
What do I say then? Pick my strawberry? Peel my banana? Mash my potato? Tear my clothes off like tearing layers off an onion? FUCK-
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
“Aren’t you going to… buy something? You’re just standing there?”
He thinks I’m a fucking creep, I know it.
“Yeah, nah, just thinkin’, “ I say, extra casually, y’know, because I’m cool. Keeping it cool. Smooth. Ice. Chill. Freezin’.
Simpin’.
“Thinking about what, this time? I’d love to know what you zone out about.”
Why is so fucking hot?
“Uh, haha, not much really!”
“Not much? You Zone out every 10 minutes.” Damn he noticed, huh?
It’s true, though.
“Mr. Jeon, I’ve heard it’s rude to ask someone to tell you their deepest darkest secrets.”
Why did I say that
Why
Did I say that
“Call me Jungkook.”
…..
Take a deep breath…
I’M ABOUT TO-
-SHUT THE FUCK UP AND REPLY BEFORE HE THINKS YOU’RE INSANE!
“J-j-uh.. j-j-uhhh-jungkook?” I say awkwardly, scratching my head and squinting my eyes, breathing heavily.
“That’s right, love. Jungkook. Can I call you y/n? I mean, we’re not that far apart in age and we’re not at Uni. If you’re okay with that of course, I respect your space.” CONSENT, BABY!
I guess we aren’t that far apart in age. But it’s a bit too much for my heart and my tomato to hear my name coming from his mouth.
“Y-yeah! Psshh, duh! Of course. Yeah no that’s all good.” I say laughing a bit too loudly and grabbing onto our cart, only to fail to actually grab onto it, nearly fucking TRIPPING.
“Sorry, haha, senses not working today. Heatstroke, remember?” No, y/n, that makes no sense you never had a heatstroke and if you did, you wouldn’t be here.
“Y/n,” he says, getting serious for some reason.
“Yes?”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
Crap.
I sigh.
“Yes, I’m sorry. I’m a little ditzy, that’s all.”
“Don’t apologise. It’s adorable.” He mumbles, smiling and looking away.
Yeah you stare at those damn tomatoes after turning me into one.
I’m… adorable? My exes all called me annoying, so, yeah.
“Adorable?”
“Yeah. It’s really cute how you get awkward, and sometimes ramble and fumble, I take notice of it all.” He smirks, adorably so.
Wait, that’s so… sweet.
“Oh, haha… yeah, I’m…I do that alright…” I nervously play with my fingers, looking down.
“Come on love, let’s get you your groceries.”
He pushes me along by my shoulders, laughing.
He ended up getting all my veggies in the cart, and nearly doing all the work for me. I just said the word, and he’d put it in the cart.
I’m feeling things.
Paying for my bit and him paying for his, we get in his car.
I forgot he’s Mr. Jeon for this entire duration…
“Jungkook?” I ask, as he’s putting his seatbelt on.
“Yes, love?”
Stop sounding like my boyfriend, fuck.
“Are you sure it’s okay for us to be so casual? You’re my professor?” I feel awkward even asking this question because now I’ve made things weird.
“How do you mean? We’re okay. I’m sorry, did I make you feel weird?”
No, please keep going.
“Oh no, it’s not something you did. It’s okay, haha.”
He turns to me and looks into my eyes for about 30 seconds. I’m worried about what he’s about to say.
“I think you’re really funny, y/n. And a bright student, I loved teaching you more about what we studied. It’s fun for me, as a teacher. I just think you’re interesting as a person.”
Somehow, I could tell by his face that he felt a bit conflicted but tried to make it sound okay.
“That means a lot to me, jungkook.”
———
A few weeks went by and we were getting closer at the speed of light.
I realised he’s so much more loveable and attractive than whatever his exterior shows. It started off as a crush on my hot teacher, but he’s such an amazing guy. He’s so gentle, listens so well, understands me, is so sweet and smiles so genuinely. He puts up no front, he’s so real and true to himself, his pure heart shines through. He’s generous, and actively gives back to the community. He makes the lamest jokes, and at the same time, is the smartest man in the room.
I’m fucked to say the least.
Here is walking perfection within my reach and now actually a close friend of mine, and I can’t even tell him how beautiful he is.
Weird to call him a friend, but we just connect so well.
“Jungkook, I swear, this shit has me turning my brain inside out. Draw this out too, please.” I say, sitting on his couch cross legged, staring at my notes.
“Y/N, for the last time, it doesn’t get simpler than this diagram right here. Even if I want to draw this, it’ll be the same as the diagram.” He says calmly, looking directly at me.
“Alright, fine. Can we take a break? My brain is fried, I can’t even comprehend the page number. Like, what? How did I get to page 254 when I was page 250?”
“You’re really asking me that?”
I awkwardly look towards my left and right before answering. “Uh??? Noooo? Of course not? I just, you know, yeah…”
“…yeah, okay, break time.”
I sigh in frustration as he gets up to clear the table away and put our notes aside.
I pull out my phone to scroll through Instagram to scroll till my brain is positively hollow, but then jungkook calls out my name.
“Y/N?”
“Hmm.”
“Love?”
Jesus fucking-
My head immediately snaps up and he smirks, seeing how I immediately respond to that.
He laughs a bit, and I blush knowing he’s caught me.
“Come here, love.”
Come here? Where? There?!
I get up and move towards him, and wait for him.
He pulls me into a hug and gently puts his hands in my hair, massaging my head.
“You must be tired. And this is going to sound strange but… you make me protective over you, with how adorable you can be. I’m sorry if it sounds inappropriate. I mean this with sincerity and care.” He says so softly, I’m going to yell.
Yell and screech, bitch.
“Jungkook, that’s incredibly sweet…” I breathe him in, and it ends up being audible.
He laughs at that, and hugs me tighter.
I’m in love. I don’t want more than him.
“I’m here, know that.” He says, so gently I could cry.
“And I’m here.”
We look into each others eyes and I feel all my love for him at once.
He smiles at me, putting stray bits of hair behind my ears.
His emotions seem so genuine, that he really cares for me.
“I’m here.” He says, again.
“And I’m here.”
We smile together, and I decide I want to squeeze him tight.
————-
Y’know, if I wasn’t sure before, I’m sure of it now.
I love him.
It’s true, it’s no longer a crush.
This has been a bad idea. I can’t even actually date him, so what the fuck do I do now?
I’ve been staring at him in class the entire time and I’ve completely zoned out. I know he knows it, he gave me a suspicious look. It’s fantastic, I’m exposing my own ass.
But he’s been staring at me too, every now and then. He looks my way so many times, it’s probably noticeable to others. Good thing I’m sort of hidden away.
But he probably looks at me like his younger sister, since I don’t see him making any particular moves or saying anything that’s remotely romantic.
He’s definitely not into me.
The class gets over and I head directly towards the exit because god knows, I need a break from FEELINGS.
“Miss y/l/n. Please come to my desk. Now.” Girl, I-
“Yes, sir.”
The classroom is now empty and I’m standing before him all awkward.
“Sir?” I say, looking at him, who is looking at me.
“Sir? Really?”
“What? Are you not my teacher? Professor? Sir seems like the obvious thing to call you.”
“And yet you talk to me like that? If you’re being professional, you may as well be more formal.”
“Uh, okay. Hello, sir. What is it that you wanted to speak to me about? I apologise if I caused any inconvenience.”
“As a matter of fact, you did, miss y/l/n.”
“I’m sorry, sir. What is it that I did?”
“Look, y/n. I noticed you really were not paying attention today, and you know this class is important for the upcoming test! The inconvenience is grading you badly!”
I want you.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? Come on, y/n. Your head has been in the clouds recently! You don’t ask me more questions, you’ve been doing the bare minimum!”
Can I marry you?
“No, yeah, I know.”
“I’m glad that you do but do you realise what’s at stake here? You want to graduate early, yes? Well failing a class will only delay the process! Come on…” he continues to talk, but honestly, I’m just lost in his eyes.
I like it when he yells. So passionate. His eyes are so lovely, so cute. Can I look into them forever? I’d love to marry him. Right now. Okay, tomorrow. He’s so perfect. Does he have eye dimples? Of course he does. I’ve known that from the beginning. I studied his face. Now I want to know more about him. Even more than I already do. He’s so… dreamy…
“Y/N! ARE YOU LISTENING?” He raises his voice, for the first time actually, and I jump in surprise.
“What in the world had gotten into you? Fuck. Meet me after my day ends, we need to discuss this.” He says, and leaves immediately.
Well.
Fuck.
————
“DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOU’VE BEEN SLACKING?”
I’m sitting on his couch, listening to him get mad at me. Shucks, I fell in love with you, sue me.
“Y/N, I understand slacking off is not a conscious choice and you’re probably dealing with something and asking you to “get your act together” is the worst form of support and dismisses the root problem. So, talk to me. Please, love. I care for you.” He says, sighing.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you. I didn’t mean to.” He apologises, looking down.
You’re so intelligent and kind to me. I love you.
I love you.
“I love you.”
I think out loud, and immediately turn pale.
“What?”
“I love your kindness!”
“You didn’t say that,”
“No, no, sorry I didn’t complete my thought haha! Okay I need to get home now, I left frozen chicken breast out to defrost and I need to cook it. I just remembered!” I say hurriedly and attempt to get up.
Pushing me back down, he sits on the couch next to me and takes my face into his hands.
It doesn’t take a second before he places his lips on mine and I think I’m about to lose my mind.
He’s so soft, so gentle, but so passionate and… I open my mouth to let him enter and I really do believe I’m going to pass out.
“Fuck, Y/N.” He groans, and it makes me groan.
He pulls away to look into my eyes.
Do I even want to know what he’s going to say next?
#jungkook one shot#bts fanfic#jungkook#jungkook fanfic#jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook#bts#jungkook fluff#bts jungkook#bts x reader#bts fanfiction#jungkook oneshot
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Chapter 2
fic masterlist // series masterlist // previous chapter // next chapter
Featured Characters: fem!OC Brynn Clarke, fem!OC Orli’Va, clone!OC Skip
Rating: General (However this series is 18+ as a whole so MINORS BEGONE PLEASE)
Tags: Language, Brief allusions to past loss/familial death, Feelings of inadequacy, Talk of clones being expendable
divider by: @djarrex
Location: The Grand Republic Medical Facility on Coruscant // Year: 22 BBY
The shrill tone signifying the end of class interrupts the final portion of the lecture. As everyone surrounding Brynn begins to pack up their datapads, the Ithorian professor’s modulated voice rings out once more.
“Be sure to finish and submit your specialty applications before you sign up to take the certification exams!”
Brynn fights the urge to roll her eyes as she puts her own datapad in her bag. For the entire semester, students have been deciding which specialty they want to dedicate their lives to. If she were to make a decision right this minute, her specialty would be trauma. You don’t experience what she did at such a young age and not be fundamentally changed by it. If there had been a trauma specialist on level 1757 that night, she wouldn’t have lost everything. The rings dance against her chest as she recalls the fateful memory. Brynn wants to be that difference for someone, somewhere in the galaxy, but she needs to get away from the city-planet first. Her scrub top bunches up at the shoulder when she slings her bag on. Walking leisurely out of the classroom and down the wide halls, Brynn fixes the folded shoulder of her top and fishes a few credits out of her breast pocket when she reaches a caf stand— a perfect melding point for caffeine addicted students like herself and businesses looking to capitalize.
“Just my usual ‘Va.” Brynn tells the Pantoran barista when she reaches her counter.
“Of course B! One large hot chocolate with two dashes of caffeine crystals comin right up.” Orli’Va uses Brynn’s nickname before flashing her a cute smile. Brynn returns her smile with a wink before turning to face the immense window behind her.
The Grand Republic Medical Facility. It's a different view than the lower levels where Brynn grew up since it actually, you know, has a view. Until she came here, Brynn had never even seen the sky. So whenever she gets the chance, she stops by what she likes to call the Eye of Coruscant. Even though Brynn is still on one of the lowest levels of the spire, she is able to see far and wide across the city planet. Today’s skyline is no different than the rest, sprawling across the lanes of traffic and overtaking the skyscrapers. She just can’t get enough of the light. She has been here for 5 years and the sun fills her with the same amount of awe as it did the first day.
“B! Order up!” Orli’Va’s sweet voice brings Brynn out of her trance.
“Thank you, love,” Brynn tells the Pantoran.
“As always, darlin’,” she responds, “Have you made a decision about a specialty?”
“How did you know I needed to decide?”
“Hun, this is a caf stand in the Grand Republic Medical Facility,” Orli’Va moves her arms in a sweeping motion, gesturing to the extensive structures around them. “You can’t serve beautiful fifth years their caffeine without knowing when specialty applications are due.”
“Oh well, no, I haven’t decided on a specialty yet.” Brynn leans in further onto the counter, “But I am leaning towards not submitting one.” Orli’Va’s eyes get wider in surprise; the barista leaning in closer as well.
“Wait, so what are you wanting to do then?”
“Well I was thinking, and don’t judge me for this,” Brynn gently points a finger at the blue skinned woman, “I was thinking of applying to be a contracted medic for the GAR.” Orli’Va backs away in shock, a look of astonished horror glazing her eyes.
“Darlin’, why would you do something like that?”
“Because, O, I feel like it's the least I could do. These men deserve all that this genius could offer,” Brynn changes the subject with a joke before grabbing her hot chocolate, “I will let you know how it goes, beautiful. I’ll see you later.” She says with a smile over her shoulder as she walks away.
Brynn’s head is reeling with choices by the time she walks into the medical facility’s dining hall. She thinks that maybe talking to Skip could help her further decide about what to apply for, a speciality or a medic contract. The hall is packed this afternoon, classes all being let out early due to the term ending. Brynn stands on her tiptoes, scanning the crowd for the armor of her friend. Most of the Coruscant Guard refrains from painting their armor in brash ways—as Brynn has noticed among the other battalions around Coruscant. Skip has the notorious red painted in ripple patterns over his shoulder bells and vambraces—while his leg armor drowns in the color, leaving the rest a clean canvas of white.
“Hey, Brynnie!” Once she hears her name, Brynn’s eyes lock onto a trooper waving his arm.
“Skip!” she laughs out his name, “I was beginning to think you weren’t here yet.”
“Nah, you’re just a short shit so I figured I’d give you an assist,” Skip teases. She sets down her drink and pulls a sandwich from her bag as she sits across from the soldier.
“Ohhh, so someone is feeling bold today,” Brynn rolls her eyes. When she begins to unwrap her food, Skip snatches half of it before she can stop him.
“I am always bold Brynn, you should be used to it,” Skip replies, “Now what do we have today?”
“I…” Brynn emphasizes, grabbing to get her lunch back, “have a sliced nuna sandwich with Strider cheese sauce and Ferroan spinach.” Skip draws further out of Brynn’s reach, keeping the sandwich close to his chestplate.
“Aw, c’mon Brynn,” Skip takes a massive bite from the sandwich before continuing. Brynn is pretty sure that the noises Skip makes are supposed to be a sentence, but with a mouthful of her sandwich— she can’t make out a single word. Brynn tries to hide her laughter and fails miserably at his attempt to talk.
“I’m sorry, what?!” she says between laughs. Skip swallows before repeating himself.
“I said, you’ve never tasted the shit the Guard mess has. You would be stealing your best friend's food too.” Brynn rolls her eyes. She clenches her jaw while Skip continues to eat his half of her sandwich. She fights the urge to blurt out her life-changing decision, but before she can, Skip speaks up. “So, I have been hearing whispers that you will be choosing a speciality soon?”
“Yeah,” Brynn draws out, “Something like that.” Brynn absentmindedly picks at her own half of the sandwich.
“Okay, B, you better spill whatever the fuck it is that you are hiding,” Skip says pointedly, “Or I will get it out of you myself.”
“Ugh fine, okay. So, um, do you remember about a week or two ago when I told you that I was thinking of being a trauma specialist? Because of my parents?”
“Yeah, you seemed pretty adamant about working in the lower levels too. From my patrols down there it seems like they really need it.”
“Well—”
“Are you rethinking that? What do you want to do now?” Skip interrupts.
“Maker, Skip, shut up and let me tell you.”
“Okay sorry, continue.”
“I am rethinking it. I’ve downloaded the application for fifth years to go straight to the war effort, to be a field medic.”
“Brynn, why in the fuck would you want to go to literal war?” Skip enunciates each word with careful vitriol.
“Skip, you know for a fact that I have seen shit, and been helpless,” Brynn leans forward and stares the member of the Coruscant Guard in the face, “I can’t just stand back and not do anything. I want to be there and I want to help and do something that matters.”
“Brynn, listen to me, this isn’t the front lines. My brothers out there are literally in the midst of hell day in and day out. You can stay here. Save lives here. After what you’ve told me about how you grew up? You can be there for the children, the families, that actually need you here. Don’t risk your life for us. For clones. We are expendable. Replaced by the next model off the line.” Skip’s expression went from worried curiosity to a scowl as he spoke.
“No, Skip, you can’t say that. You and your brothers, you are all sentient human beings. You matter to me, and there are thousands of citizens that believe the same. You all are fighting a war. Those men on the front lines? I would trade an asshole who blew up himself and his neighbors for selfless men any day.” Brynn tries earnestly to explain her choice to not remain on the comparable safety of Coruscant.
“Brynn you call us clones selfless. Why? We don’t have a choice. We come off the lines living, breathing, and fighting for the Republic. We are bred to be expendable.” Skip explains again, his scowl deepening.
“Expendable? Why would there even be medics then? There are clone medics. There are positions for civilian medics. Skip, if you were truly expendable those positions would not exist.”
After that Brynn grabbed the rest of her lunch and left. Skip’s words hit her, in a way she wasn’t expecting. The amount of confusion, determination, and rage was starting to boil over. Now she has to submit the application. Not to prove a point to her best friend, but to show herself that she is capable and talented enough to make a difference in the lives of the men that she desperately wants to help. Because in this war, Skip is right, they have no choice. Brynn knows they deserve to be shown the kindness and the support that no one else wants to give them.
By the time Brynn gets to her final class of the afternoon, she had tear stains on her cheeks. The clones aren’t expendable like Skip said, are they? No, Brynn shakes herself out of her thoughts, out of the propaganda. They are human-fucking-beings, and Brynn will be damned if she’ll let them die without knowing how much they mean to the citizens they are dying for.
Her final class, a throwaway neurobiology course, comes and goes. Brynn could honestly do these procedures in her sleep. Her mind is still reeling from the conversations with Skip and with Orli’Va. Should she do this? Devote her life and well-being to the war effort? Brynn knows that she is smart, and that she is capable. Yet, she sees the look on the faces of her classmates. So young. So naive. They don’t know that she hears them talking about her. Second guessing her, and undermining her when they know she is correct. Brynn hears all of the comments, but they don’t know that she’ll remember every single one.
When Brynn finally makes it back to her dorm for the evening, she just sits. She sits and thinks about what she is about to do, and if she is doing it for the right reasons. Is she doing something crazy just to prove everybody wrong? No. She is not. Opening the blank application, Brynn decides to put her ego aside and think about everything she’s seen with the clones. Skip, last week, being yelled at by one of the instructors, just for doing his job. Other members of the Coruscant Guard being verbally assaulted, or having things thrown at them. Working for a Republic that doesn’t want them to exist. But then Brynn thinks about those few people who handed the soldiers a cloth to wipe their armor. The one who told the professor to walk away.
Tapping ‘Submit’ on the request, Brynn huffs and sets her datapad on the small desk in her dorm. Brynn looks around the small area, thinking back to when she first moved in; five years ago, with nothing more than a hand-me-down bag and some notebooks. One would think that after living at the Grand Republic Medical Facility for the last five years she would have a bigger living space, but a singular room and a refresher is all Brynn calls her own. Five years ago, she set out to try and make a difference. This field application is just the next step. As she settles down for bed, her mind wanders to what her future holds. Will she be in the thick of it? On the front lines, dodging blaster fire, surrounded by death? Or will she be aboard a medical frigate? Assisting the Kaminoan doctors and surgeons in a hospital setting? Brynn succumbs to the weight of her eyelids, drifting into a deep sleep. Her final thought of the night; is that in a day or two her request to serve the Grand Army of the Republic will either be accepted or denied.
Location: The Grand Republic Medical Facility on Coruscant // Year: 22 BBY
It has been well over a week since Brynn submitted her medic application and she is getting anxious. Brynn should be used to it, being anxious comes with the territory of being the youngest human among the fifth years. How long does Brynn have to prove herself? Everyone is always second guessing her because of her age. Yes, it has rubbed off on Brynn; she does second guess herself more than she would like to admit. However at the same time, 95% of it Brynn would say, her confidence outweighs the anxiety. She maintains some of the highest marks among her class, and she is still fighting for her place in the ‘big kids’ crowd.
“Just because you haven’t heard back on your request, doesn’t mean you’ve been rejected.” Brynn whispers to herself. Her datapad dings with a new message notification as she walks away from the caf stand. She senses that it is the answer she needs to quell her anxiety and quickens her pace to the dining hall. Maybe she can have Skip read it?
Finding Skip in the sea of hungry students wasn’t difficult; Brynn was on a mission. Once she reaches the table with her friend, Brynn unceremoniously plops her datapad in front of the soldier and spins it towards him.
“Um, what do you want me to do with your datapad?” Skip wipes off the corner of his mouth with a gloved hand.
“I know how you feel about me wanting to join the war effort, Skip,” Brynn begins, her eyes cast downward, “But I need, need, you to read this notification that I got. I just can’t do it myself.”
Skip takes the datapad in his hands, tapping on its screen to navigate to the message Brynn spoke of. The soldier narrows his eyes and takes a deep breath.
“Damn.”
“Wait, what?! My application got denied?” Worry fills her voice. Skip slides her datapad back across the table and she scans the message before glaring back at her friend.. She reaches across the table and gives the man a slight, but firm, whack on the back of his head.
“You can’t stress me out like that Skip, you know how much I wanted this.” Brynn begins to feel her heart rate increase, the excited anxiety of uncharted territory blossoming in her chest.
“Ah Brynnie, I just want to keep you around,” Skip looks into Brynn’s eyes, giving her a small smile, and grabs her free hand, “You are my favorite lunch date.” Brynn returns his smile. She’ll miss her best friend. The tears finally spill as she rounds the table, crushing the trooper in the tightest hug she can manage.
“You’ll have to tell me all about Kamino,” she whispers into his neck.
Location: Transport Docking Station on Coruscant // Year: 22 BBY
The morning sun is blinding as Brynn and Skip walk towards her transport. In less than five minutes she will be embarking upon a brand new adventure. Saving lives, doing good in the galaxy. Before they reach the gate Skip turns and grabs her shoulders, stopping them in their tracks.
“Okay! Review time!” Skip’s voice comes through his helmet’s modulator.
“Number one, remember, stay away from the tubies. You will definitely get attached because we are adorable little shits when we are babies.” Brynn nods her head in agreement.
“Okay, number two! If you see a reptavian flying overhead?”
“Just duck,” Brynn finishes, rolling her eyes.
“Hey! None of that dude, they will actually snatch you up for a quick meal.” Brynn scoffs as he continues, “And finally, you will soon realize, Kaminoans are weird as hell. Absolutely do not stare, they think it’s rude.”
“Skip, you do remember I grew up on Coruscant. I have seen probably every species that a humanoid deems as weird.” Brynn finishes with a slight laugh. After an awkward moment of silence she drops the bag on her shoulder and throws her arms around her armored friend.
“I’ll miss you Skip,” Brynn says. Skip gives her a strong squeeze and pulls away.
“I will miss you too, short shit,” he returns, a sniffle interrupting his goodbye.
Brynn grabs her bag off the landing pad and starts walking toward the ramp of the transport. Halfway up the ramp Brynn turns around, her braid fluttering in the morning breeze. She sees Skip still standing where they parted ways, bringing two fingers to her temple in a mock salute. Seeing Skip laugh, Brynn smirks to herself. Once she boards the ship, she catches a final glimpse of her best friend as the door closes.
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hello everyone. i hope you have some snacks on you because i have yet another thing to rant about. fortunately it isn’t about the bunch of idiots i have the misfortune of calling classmates, instead it’s the cursed place where i chose to continue my education. let’s yell about university.
for starters, i would like to point out that this is an expensive university. like. 900€/month expensive. i get to pay almost half of it because i have a discount due to my high school grades, but you have to keep it up during your stay in college and once it’s taken away you can’t ask for it again.
given the exorbitant price every single of its students is paying, you would think that my class would be in a decent building. wrong. we’re in a prefabricated shitty three-story building in the other side of campus from our labs. because medicine students have their own simulation clinics and the business students get a bajillion brick buildings but fuck the genetics kids amiright?
speaking of labs. the installations are cool and all but the materials need a serious upgrade. I CANT DO A PROPER GEL ELECTROPHORESIS IF THE MICROPIPETTE DOES THE EQUIVALENT OF A DRIVING NEWBIE WITH A MANUAL CAR. also the ph-meters are the bane of my existence and me the bane of theirs.
also. the lab practices are four hours long. which wouldn’t be too bad if they didn’t make us start them at three or four pm when we’ve been in classes from eight or ten am. yes i spend close to twelve hours on campus on lab weeks yes they also pretend that we have time to study.
BY THE WAY. OH MY GOD. studying. i know it’s necessary. but i have EIGHT SUBJECTS THIS SEMESTER. EIGHT. students in other universities have less subjects per year. one of them is a lab subject and we have a fuckin. oral and practical exam. ITS A LAB SUBJECT?? WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THE PROCEDURES AND WHY EVERYTHING IS DONE PLUS DO A NiCE LaB nOTeBoOk. SUCK MY DICK.
that and the fact that i not only have science subjects but also philosophy, communication and fucking BUSINESS. yes they’re useful but i frankly haven’t seen a subject with a worse organization than my philosophy class. and on top of that my business teacher just keeps sending projects and questions. maam your class is worth three credits. be grateful i do an effort to get out of bed and spend two and a half bitchass hours to listen to you yap about ip and business life cycles at eight thirty in the morning on a friday.
and now that i mention this, i still can’t believe we’ll have to do 50 mandatory hours of volunteer work next year. yay for volunteer work, i’ve done before and it’s amazing. but you can’t expect someone who spends 10+ hours in college regularly to do the same amount of time as people who only have 3 to 4 hours of class per day.
the worst part of all is the fact that our degree supervisor just expects us to act like phd students or some shit. she literally told to the class presidents that “we can’t expect to have compromises and extracurriculars outside of university. we have to focus on our college life”. this is our first year. i don’t even want to think about how we’ll be treated from now on.
and i guess this is why im so scared. i like genetics. love it, even, when applied to things i enjoy and not a clinical environment. but i want to live my life and be able to truly rest and enjoy and not want to kill myself constantly over the amount of workload that we have to deal with.
i don’t know if i’m going to drop out or keep going but all my options are bleak. either i continue and somehow survive college enough time to get my degree without having killed myself, or i drop out. and from there i have more options. a) immediately switching to a different college and/or undergrad, b) taking an off year and changing my undergrad.
i don’t even know what i’m going to do. i’m exhausted on all the levels a human can be tired and i have no idea if i have it in me to keep going or just take the easy out.
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I Failed My 2022 Language Learning Goals- And Why That’s Okay
At the end of last year, and the beginning of this year, all the New Year’s hype surrounding language learning and goal setting got to me. On important thing: I’ve never been much of a goal setter. I wanted to set goals to stay on track with my language learning in 2022, and I had to research how to set goals; what was a realistic goal, what types of things are usually goals, things like that. The concept was almost completely foreign to me. Despite that, I sat down and wrote my goals. Some were easy, that I could complete early on in the year, such as finishing a TV show in Japanese. Some were more difficult, like finishing a novel in Japanese. Others were long term goals that spanned the whole year. I failed a lot of them, but I learned a lot, too.
At the beginning of the year, I started a language learning journal. I loved that journal, while I had the time for it. I had lofty ideas for it, such as writing reviews for everything I watched and read. It was fantastic output practice, but in reality the ideas that I had were just way above what I could realistically put into it, and that had nothing to do with my language abilities and entirely to do with my spare time. I’m a full time student who only studies languages as a hobby, and when things get tough, things like writing paragraphs per day in my second language are what get cut. This journal lasted probably about five months. I still think that it helped me improve my Japanese, though, and I would like to get back into language journaling, albeit on a much smaller scale.
Another one of my goals was to “finish” studying all vocabulary from the JLPT N3 level. By around February, I was about halfway through my list and it was looking like an easily achievable goal. Then I got bored. I’ve fought with vocabulary study throughout my whole language learning career and even written about it before (apparently what works for me is jumping from resource to resource. I’m currently loving jpdb), and this is just another example of that. I let myself fall off and just hope that the urge came back, but it never did. Ultimately, taking the JLPT was never a goal (hah) for me, although it’s looking more and more like a possibility now, so dropping this wasn’t detrimental to my language learning, especially because I study vocabulary elsewhere. And that’s really the point of this failure, in my mind. I don’t need to stick to arbitrary lists and just kind of hope they appear in my immersion. Immersion itself is studying vocabulary, especially when using other resources in tandem.
I feel like the biggest “failures” from this year’s goals were my monthly goals. One was to learn the lyrics to a song each month. I really enjoy this method of studying, but it died along with my language learning journal. Another goal, a big one, was to go through a chapter of my textbook, Tobira, each month. This goal was doomed from the start. The first textbooks I used to learn Japanese were the Living Language series, and I hated them. Add that onto the natural hesitance to start something new and you have a disaster waiting to happen. I think I started studying from Tobira in around June, far from my chapter-a-month goal. And as of writing this, I am on chapter three. I doubt it’ll move for some while. Lots of this was also due to time constraints. Most of my textbook study happened during the summer, and I think I only cracked it once or twice this past semester. I’m at a point where, while I do think studying through textbooks and other study resources is important for me personally, immersion has been my main focus, especially as it’s less time consuming and less mentally taxing than “traditional” study. So, although this goal was a bust, Tobira, and textbooks in general, are not things that are going to be leaving my language learning in the long term.
So why have my failures been important? People always say “learn from your mistakes,” and that’s exactly what I’ve done. For the most part, I feel that my main take away has just been to be kinder to myself. Even now I still have to remind myself to be easier on myself and what I want to accomplish. I don’t have all the time in the world, and even if I did, I still need to rest. I’ve learned my limits, and I’ve learned what works for me, and what doesn’t. I’ve learned that what you drop in one place, you can make up for elsewhere.
Of course, this isn’t to say that I don’t plan on setting goals for next year, but I do plan on having less intense goals and a lot less of them. After learning what has worked for me in this past year, I can adapt and shift my goals to be more reasonable and fit neatly within my capabilities while still working to improve my language learning journey.
#sorry if this is formatted like an essay like i said im a student still#not for long though im boutta be outta here#okay sorry im not proof reading this#langblr#studyblr#language learning#polyglot#studyinspo#languages#studying#benkyou posting#i almost feel dumb for saying publicly that i didnt know how to set goals#but
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Professors and Mental Health Response
TLDR on the bottom. TW for ablelist peers and mentions of mental health issues.
So, this semester I have a group project. It's my final class before I graduate in May this year. My group leader started to act ablelist towards me- calling my mental health issues and emergency surgery and PTSD and post-op depression "personal problems" even though I had letters from my Psychiatrist written to my professor to explain that I am struggling with day-to-day life so to excuse late assignments. My group leader criticized me for doing a "bad job" on a report I was expected to turn in Monday and said I was "sassing" her when I tried to explain that I literally just had surgery on Thursday before and came home Friday night.
I put up with it, trying to get my part of the work done alone, because when I tried to reach out for help in the group chat, I was ignored. And then after class one day, she insisted I get all my late work done in two days, which I tried to tell her it was my soft deadline and that four days was my hard deadline, since I needed to be kinder to myself due to my health becoming worse. She said no, two days and that was final. "We all have our personal problems."
I came up to a fellow student I know fairly well to ask what I should do in this kind of situation, knowing he also had disabilities. He immediately convinced me to talk to my professor. He helped me through that, and the professor promised to talk to my group leader the next day.
Cue a week later. I get an email from my professor, telling me he wanted a one-on-one meeting. My anxiety surged. Oh no...am I in trouble? Did my group leader lie and tell him I was being ridiculous?
But I was wrong. He told me he was so worried when he had heard how horrible I was referring to myself during our conversation the week before. That without mentioning my name, he talked to the university counselors for advice. I reassured him I have a therapist and psychiatrist working with me, and that my negative self-talk is a work in progress.
The point is guys, this is how all professors should react to alarming symptoms of mental health. My professor did everything right. He contacted professionals of the university without saying my name at first, immediately had a private meeting with me, and now is helping me by working with me on due dates and making sure my group members treat me fairly.
Once again guys, it's important to fight for the right to be treated fairly. You have a right to be treated like a human being and get the accommodations you need.
TLDR; My professor saw alarming mental health symptoms, and acted respectfully with professionals and is working with me to make sure I succeed. He is a great example of what should be expected.
I now have more hope in humanity.
#mental health#university professor#great professor#university student#university#student mental health#ablelist
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ok at this point i just need to explain. how fucking insane this stupid semester long assignment has been to yall.
So basically, over the semester in addition to the textbook, there have been extra readings we've had to read and over the class students have been leading in-class discussions on them. pretty standard stuff and everything.
the problem comes with this. each one we had to write a 600 word summary and reflection to go with each one. we had to turn in half at midterms, and im handing the second half the last regular class of the semester (tomorrow) she took one reading out so this was 17 readings total, 9 by midterm, 7 at final
as you can imagine, that sounds really not like the worst thing in the world but quickly spirals as you realized how fucking long this actually is printed out and formatted. this was the first half of the assignment
(note. literally 20 pages. big ass fucking packet when stapled together)
now, because this assignment is so long, AND this professor is a notoriously slow grader, I actually haven't been handed back this full assignment yet. last class, she handed back everyone a PARTIAL graded section of the first half of the assignment.
I received the first 4 pages of my 20 page paper back. and then, I also realized I had received a very low grade on it (like 68 I think?) which was weird, because she had said she wasn't going to be grading these very harshly like she normally does.
so i check the notes and its like this
ok, so basically she took off 1/3 of my points per entry for missing citation! what the fuck! because as you'll note,
obviously there are fucking in text citations. you can even see one of them next to the writing in the first image. clearly there are citations, but she's graded me like there aren't full citations in a bibliography at the end. but there are! every pdf assigned has a full bibliography entry at the end of the paper. like obviously, these are just the in-text citations for specific information i've pulled from the text.
but anyways. I bring this up with her in class, to make sure im not gonna be losing 1/3 of my grade for this, and it turns out what she's been doing is literally going through each paper, reading the first entry for the first reading, then reading the next paper's first entry only, and so on, and then going through every paper and reading the second entry, instead of grading each paper all the way through at once.
so since she was doing this, she never checked that I had actually provided citations by flipping to the end of my paper and seeing my 9 citations of every reading, as requested? whatever. what the hell. she said I'd get the points back so whatever, ill keep an eye on my grade to make sure she remembers to bring them back. (im not expecting to get full grades on the citations anyways, i've had this professor for two semesters and i've literally never fucking gotten them fully correct once somehow) I just want to not have a 0/4 on citations.
but anyways, I put off reading a bunch of the articles til right before it was due (not anyones fault but mine, im causing my own pain for this one lol) and im just speedrunning this, putting my citations before each entry so theres no fucking way she can miss them, and this thing is still
14 pages long.
so she hasn't graded 16/20 pages of the first one yet, and now everyone's gonna be handing her 14-16 more pages of writing for her to grade tomorrow. its never gonna get graded on time. I havent received my midterm test grade back yet. why does she do this. why did she need 34 pages of writing summary on these readings. why couldn't she make it 300 words per article. truly baffling stuff
but the paper is written, shitass garbage style and i am free.
#hopefully i get this grade back sometime this century i doubt it tho#she actually cancelled one of our 3 essays off the syllabus because she was so behind on grading.#maam i can see why. you have hundreds of pages of shitty article reflection because theres like 20 people in this class.#why would you do this to us and yourself.#the state of the art history department at my school. this isnt even close to how bad my other art history professor was though.
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Gorillas Who Did Very Well
Been a while since I last updated everyone on what’s been going on. Been studying my little butt off in preparation for the college math/english placement exams (just to see where they’ll place you in the oncoming semester).
Thankfully due to me having a normal college level English class back when I first did college back in 2012, I was exempt from that portion of the assessment. The one I was not, however, was math, as we may as well have guessed. Math’s never been my strong suite throughout my life, so naturally I was pretty nervous about it the night before, especially considering now that I’m planning on majoring in a very math heavy area like computer science.
So that was today, went in at 10AM and took the test. I’m happy to say a good portion of it I recognized, some problems though were real doozies that I didn’t really understand too in-depth. Thanks to all the studying though I was able to feel my way through a majority of them. My only complaint is that it was one of those kinds of tests on the computer where, once you submit your answer? That’s it, dun deal no changing it.
Got stuck on a few problems here and there that took me upwards of 20 min of trying to brute force an answer. I am starting to see why this method of thinking is useful to programming of all things.
By about halfway I started feeling really bad that I didn’t understand as much as I felt I should for whatever reason, and I resorted to guessing on at least a few answers because I didn’t want to take any more time than I already had. So I wrapped up, finished the 20 questions and was relieved to see the computer did not flag me in that I got enough WRONG that there needed to be more follow-up. Machine spit out my score and I met with the advisor right after.
Nice lady, she had nothing but praise and ended up telling me that I got the highest possible score on the test and that that was something that didn’t happen very often there! And she’d been working there some years, yada yada yada. So naturally I was very surprised, and in disbelief! Either I guessed all those times correctly or I knew enough to make an educated guess... Who knows!
So ya girl over here dun passed with flying colors. I’m going straight into the College Algebra Pre-Cal track and hopefully by the time I transfer to the big boy college I’ll be a lot smarter than I am now. Things are lookin’ up! I’m not talented in all areas of academics though I had to really really study for this one. I hope I’ll be able to keep up my grades in the future to the point where I’ll be able to qualify for some decent grants and scholarships and such. Helps when I’m a minority, a girl, and applying to a STEM field no doubt. But for now, for a community college, I can easily pay for myself with no aid if it comes down to it. My savings will be eaten but... It’s worth it. I really reallllyyy want a degree and I feel bad it took me this long to get my act together. Back at 18 years old I wasn’t motivated or ready for this level of dedication but, coming upon 29 in March this year? I think I’ve had time.
I’m just a late bloomer, with everything. But that’s ok, better late than never.
So there’s that aspect of things. I’m still trying to fish around and save as much money as I can on the side so I can pursue the archery hobby I mentioned here and there before. It’s very expensive, understandably. But I really want to use that as a step stool to get into a sport I’ve been very, very interested in for a long time (like since single-digit ages). Hunting.
Not trophy hunting though, like meat hunting and for wildlife control and land protection purposes. Learning all about that stuff has been very fascinating, and I’m excited I’m now living in an area that’s a lot more open about that kind of thing (not to mention much easier and more convenient access.) There’s a lil’ bit of opposition from some family members, but there’s also support from others. I’m kind of starting to hit that point in my life where I’m realizing I don’t need permission to try things I want to try. That’s a very large hurdle for me to overcome, considering my sheltered life, and this combined with my amazing score today for the college thing? I feel like I’ll be able to do anything in no time. I really hope I succeed in my endeavors.
For now, gotta keep up the studies and gotta keep trying for commissions! I’ve been weight lifting on the side as well to try and de-noodle-fy my arms in preparation for learning a recurve bow, and I’ve managed to lose some decent weight from that I think (it’s changed my eating habits too) as well! So I’m very pleased. The most difficult part of all of this is going to be keeping consistency. I’m taking a break today from my usual cuz man, I deserve it, but tomorrow! Back to the rigamaroll!!
Only thing really to worry about now is Tato’s dental appointment next week. Poor thing, Riley already went through it and got some teeth pulled, though his teeth weren’t classified as too terrible (the molars he got yanked had cracks in them). Tato’s have generally been classified as worse so I’m a little worried... but We’ll see how that goes next Tuesday.
Thanks everyone for reblogging my sketch commission post too all the damn time, I really appreciate it and I know it may come off as annoying, but hopefully not! I’m just trying everything I know to do, it’s a hit or miss like anything else but yeah.
So until next time!
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April 16, 2023
I can be described as a bit of a control freak. In the way that I like to have control over every bit of my life as humanly possible. I feel most stressed when I feel that I lack considerable amounts of control. I wonder what my personal intersection of control and insecurity is? Those two must derive from some specific fears, some specific formative moments.
Jennifer Morrison’s character in House is so different from Emma Swan in Once Upon A Time. Emma Swan had that toughness, that red leather jacket. Dr Carmody comes off as so much more bright-eyed (and she wears vests lol). Actors man. The thing is though, I straight-up dislike boss-subordinate romance thing in most cases, this one being no exception. Idk, it’s just weird to me.
Also as entertaining as it is to watch a doctor with no bedside manner who ends up being correct about everything and saving the day in the end, I would hate to have him as a doctor or mentor tbh. I am way too sensitive to go through that kind of nonsense. But it is interesting--something I learned in a writing workshop is that people will follow a character (I’d even stretch to say this applies to celebrities who almost seem like characters with the way “we” fictionalize them) who is good at what they do even if they are unlikeable. Don’t remember the reason though.
I got my grade back for stats and did significantly better than the first midterm which is wild because the content was a lot more difficult and I studied significantly less :/ I’m (obviously) not upset about the grade, I am learning things (and enjoying it a lot! I’m actually looking forward to graduate level stats), I just think it’s funny. Continues to validate my bad habits, though.
I once again feel compelled to complain about my status as an emotional booty call with my saxophone-... friend. Literally the relationships/friendships that I dislike the most have to be the ones where the other person only calls/texts me when they’re sad or upset. It’s not even that I don’t want to be there when my friends feel down. It’s not even that I expect “50-50″ in a friendship at all times. I fully recognize that friends will need more support through difficult times and that a person’s life has high and low points for varying lengths of time. But friends are there for each other. If someone doesn’t reciprocate an interest in my life, I check out. I lose interest when they only reach out to me to complain about their own lives and almost never when they just want to hang out, no story attached. And I feel bad for passively accepting the role of an emotional booty call wen I have minimized my investment in the person, but I also don’t put any effort to continue the relationship, so that person fully has an out if they ever decide that me not ever texting them first isn’t something they can put up with in a friend. But until then, I open my ears, reassure them that their feelings are valid, smiling the whole way through, then come here to huff and haw.
Anyway. I’ve gotta get back to “writing” (more like formatting (and finishing!!)) what is essentially an undergraduate thesis but due to the circumstances of my research it cannot be officially deemed to be such a thing. Good thing is, it’s a relatively simple project. Another good thing, after the two presentations I’ve got coming up for it in a week and a half, I should be completely done with it. Thankful for that. Lowkey wish I didn’t have to travel again this week. I feel extremely thankful for the opportunity, but I’m also incredibly exhausted. Much more than I thought I’d be toward the end of my “easy” last semester.
Today I’m thankful... that there’s only a month left. Less than a month, really.
Goal of being in bed by 2 am.
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Stuff and things. We haven't been writing in a bit, and I don't know if it's because brain empty no thoughts or because we've been busy otherwise or what, but there's a whole backlog of shit that's tiring and depressing and it's kind of hitting T hard. He seems to be the guy who's hoarding all of the mental illness we had before our DID diagnosis, and I think it's unfair to leave him to deal with it, blaming himself for what's going on with him. He's not bringing us down, we're placing all of the weight of everything the rest of us are blissfully unbothered by on him. And it's a long list, so let's start with something.
First - that fucking Canadian law. Never had a decision made on the literal other end of the globe hit us so hard and make us feel so hopeless on sight. We first heard of it some months ago on Reddit, which is the shittiest place on earth to be first hearing about anything on, mainly because its userbase consists of unrepenting voluntary sociopaths. (Something's climbing the cabin's wall. Sounds like a magpie but might be a squirrel. We're holed away someplace a stone's throw away from the Russian border in the arctic circle. It's atmospheric. Coincidentally also where T first became aware of being here, since I was talking about him earlier. None of this has anything to do with the euthanasia law, but suddenly hearing something scraping against your hut's outside wall is like, okay, cool, WHAT IS THAT?)
So yeah, Reddit. Knee-jerk reaction. Wrote in disbelief; this is unethical. This is not right. Suicidal ideation is such a common symptom in mental illness it's literally right there in most of the diagnostic manual entries. Literally right there, and now you're saying that instead of treating the people who experience common symptoms of mental illness, you're just going to kill them instead? How is that not eugenics? How is that not genocide? (It is.)
Got hit by a wave of forementioned Reddit cynicists. "You're the real monster," we're told. "You're denying people their right to end their suffering."
Brother - and I use this word with the utmost disrespect in my tone - I am these people. You might perceive that from just the way I mostly referred to myself as "we" in the text so far, but let me specify: we have been suffering of treatment-resistant, delibilitating, excruciating severe mental illness since we were children. We were neurodivergent before puberty and that was difficult enough, but by the time we started school, our father had turned into a violent monster who took his anger out on us, a child of 7 years old, while unemployed and our mother worked 8 to 4 every day. Sometimes she was out on business trips that took a week or maybe even two. She'd ask for her friends to babysit us, and they'd ask her why not just trust our father? She told them he had violent rages, they told her they couldn't believe that about such a nice guy, but because they were her friends, they'd do what she needed of them. Nobody ever believed us.
There's more than that, obviously. Not the point of this story. When we turned 11, our homeroom teacher responsible for most of our classes and all education outside of subject classes, had to take leave due to breast cancer. She was replaced by the meanest, most hateful bitch I've ever met. She targeted us because we weren't normal and she could smell it from miles away. By the second half of the semester, we would sit in our dark closet crying and wanting to die. We stopped doing our homework, and once that routine was gone, we could never pick it up again. By 12 years old, though she was gone by then, replaced by a creepy old guy who liked massaging the shoulders of girls while rocking into their desks with his hips and would make "checks" of the girls' showers after gym, we no longer could attend half of the semester at all. That period of unattending became longer and longer with each passing year, to the point where we'd go to school after summer vacation for about one month, and then drop out again.
We got placed in a group home, severing the last remaining friendships and connections we had at home, and leaving us in the middle of people with genuine behavioural issues and frequent clashes with the law, while our only problem was that we were desperate and could not keep up with routine.
We never did get better. A year after that ended, we entered voluntary hospitalisation for two months. The staff proceeded to ignore us, we were never even given our permission slip to exit the ward even though at the point where we were doing so poorly we demanded to cut the stay short, they wanted to act like it had been known all of the time that we didn't have to stay indoors under supervision. Guess what? Our name was not on the permission slip. Our mother made them check. The head psychiatrist of the ward was another insane control freak, I don't want to talk about her. Her deal was humiliation and arrogance, and her parting words to us "I'll see you back in a couple weeks when you're carried back here in an ambulance wearing a straitjacket." (She did not, in fact, see us back ever again.)
We moved out from home at 18, because living with our mother was impossible. She's never understood what mental illness means and cannot stand our neurodivergency. For just short of ten years from there, we were outpatients living on partial everyday assistance; we had an attendee from the social services who'd help us buy groceries, attend our appointments, and occasionally clean up the house though most the time we were too depressed to move a muscle if we didn't have to.
In 2016, we had a psychotic episode that didn't just go away like the prior ones had. I don't actually have much memories from any of our twenties, but they were miserable; we were either constantly in a permanent state of existential fear of our own impending death, or trying to hurry it along through suicidal fits and overdoses and self-harm. We were (mis)diagnosed with BPD around 27, after similar misdiagnoses of bipolar disorder earlier. The gist was that nobody knew what to do with us, and nobody was actually invested enough to figure it out. Our psychiatric contacts - doctors, nurses - dropped us on a yearly basis. The period of establishing trust got longer and longer each time, to the point where when they'd leave, we hadn't started to feel comfortable working with them yet. Constant abandonment, constant giving up, constant "you can't be helped." The years between our 25 and 29 were more or less spent trying to get a consensus on whether insurance would cover "real" talk therapy for us or not; every time one person told us to apply for it, the next person would tell us it was pointless because we were too ill to be approved, and would have to cover the whole cost ourselves, which obviously living on disability payments was not physically possible.
This all ended at the bend of 29 to 30, when we coincidentally met someone we for the first time told about our dissociative symptoms. They urged us to look into it more, which we did, and it immediately became glaringly obvious that the symptoms we'd obsessively protected and never uttered a word about in fear of some catastrophe or divine punishment raining down on us were actually clinically so significant that we needed help not yesterday, but decades ago. As a result, after failing to put us into involuntary care, our clinic kicked us out as untreatable, with nothing but a list of therapists to contact.
None of whom were dissociation specialists, and none of whom were taking patients, and only few of whom were covered by insurance to begin with, that is, if insurance would have ever even covered us to begin with. Again, untreatable. Turning to our mother, we hopped continents, got a trauma/dissociation specialist from the United fucking States of America instead, and with some cooperation between her and our local psychiatric unit (as they were ending our patientship with them) finally reached a consensus on what was actually wrong with us. Not BPD, which was scrapped, but DID.
So, how does any of this relate to Canada, and Canada's eugenics laws? Have you heard already about the patients who are recommended assisted suicide by their "care" teams? Do you see what I'm implying here?
This fucking disaster of a law is a glaring reminder that no matter the fact that we're doing better - marginally, not good enough to be anything but disabled, but still better than ever - we'd still be on the chopping block here? Not only do we have a disorder that the psychiatric world is inherently biased against and fearful towards, that most of it doesn't even want to try to understand, we are and have already been a lost case since childhood. There's no full recovery for us. There's no return to baseline functioning. Even as we are now, we are so vulnerable, teetering on the sharpest of edges, that it would be more of a surprise if, given the opportunity, our health "care" professionals wouldn't try to convince us into "assisted suicide."
It's the starkest of reminders that the world does not care about us, that we're treated and seen as nothing but burdens, that society wants us dead for reasons ranging from saving money to discomfort and embarrasment and fear.
How can you even keep trying to be better with that knowledge? Every time we open up about it, there's some self-appointed devil's advocate ready to ask us if it really wouldn't just be better, if we wouldn't actually be happier if we could just die. Not if they'd be happier if we'd just die, making their world more comfortable to live in as they don't have to contend with the concept of sick and injured people - but if we don't actually, secretly, still just want to be dead. And if we don't want to die then that's selfish; selfish because we're draining society's money, selfish because we're denying other people the right to be murdered by doctors who supposedly swore an oath to never do harm, selfish because we don't let them feel the self-assured comfort of being the good guy who lets the unfit to live take their own lives.
Suicidal ideation used to be a serious symptom that meant the patient was crying for help, crying to be seen, crying out to have people notice and care and show them that they're not alone and that there's always hope, someone who'll take their hand and help them walk forwards.
Now, apparently, this fascist shitshow of a society has decided that it's actually just the patient rationally showing that they agree with the mainstream view of it being better for everybody if they just died off.
And you want me to be okay with this? Just go on like it's fine? Just act like this isn't personal? Just accept that not only should I let other people be killed, but that I, and everyone else in this fucked up little head of mine, would actually be better off dead ourselves?
I have no fucking words left.
#assisted suicide#canada eugenics law#dissociative identity disorder#did#if you come here to tell me how I'm wrong I'm literally not only blocking you on sight#but I will crawl from underneath your bed at night and shove your fucking pillow so far down your throat#that the people who find your corpse will see it peeking out of your asshole#d post#legal disclaimer: despite being a wholly disembodied entity#I am not in reality capable of crawling out from underneath the beds of strangers#nor am I capable of shoving pillows down people's mouths as pillows tend to be large and mouths rather small
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also, hey...hope ur okay. i love your lighthearted fluffy hc's for Quimm--I think the fandom needs that, there's so much angst hahhah. I dont mind the jokes abt them but--I know what you mean. you have inspired me to draw them being affectionate more though, so, hehe >:) will tag you in it
And I would LOVE to see it!!
As for the other thing... well I can't say I've been perfectly fine. This fandom still overwhelms me, and real life has been hectic, but at least the pain has grown smaller. just a little bit, but what can you do...
although, I'm glad I can provide sweeter content for these two! they still mean a lot to me and even when I try to deny it, they're still at the back of my mind, along with so many cute Ideas I have for them post-reconciliation.
I feel like, as one of the more recurrent fans of the ship, often when I discuss ideas for them it all revolves around the split-up, which is one of the major events in their stories as we all know. But sometimes, it becomes so often when I rely on this for the basis of their romance that I forget that that's not all that they shared.
For one, I love to think of how they were when they met.
How troubled Timm might have been due to being pushed into studying law, and how lonely Quinn must have also been due to her naturally stoic personality. (we've seen fans assume the worst of her only by her angry expression, so imagine the people in her world)
I often find myself daydreaming about Timm being one of the few that was kind to her, and liked to have her around. Including her, in things that she never thought she would experience, and also how she might have been the only one who supported him through and through each semester, each exam, and each work, instead of insulting him for not understanding a subject he wasn't passionate about. (cough cough like his dad cough cough)
The idea of them forming such a wonderful friendship, a bond that made them a power duo, a dream team... and how even after all, there is still something left of that natural chemistry they've had, even when they are so different.
I am a sucker for friends to lovers, but also for the separated couple who still misses their other half, so when it comes to these two it's not all about angst and pain but also the yearning. The trope of the cold and calculative woman having her heart melted by a dorky guy, not once but twice, even after a long time separated. The relief they feel once everything is cleared and there's no reason for them not to try to be together. this time not as just partners, but lovers.
...Ah shit I started rambling. But you get my point!
There is so much potential, not only in the reconciliation process but also in how that rekindled friendship slowly grows into a romance, and they love each other so much they can't tell if it's just the respect and admiration they've had for the other since so long ago or something entirely new. I just!!! it makes me so so happy!
So to be able to present that aspect of it, and put some sugar in a normally bitter drink... to be the one that can write them in such a special way is an honor. even more when people start to like and enjoy it thanks to said work I have done. it's a great feeling.
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-(totally unrelated-to-everything-that-are-going-on) real-life situation but I am freaking out, so irl rant-
Wish me luck! 🍀
Tomorrow morning I'll have a talking with the institution I'd like to study from February. And I'm totally panicking right now.
(And I really hope the administrational site for my application won't be glitchy - the deadline for everything is midnight. I uploaded every necessary document which I have in my possession but the page still says those are 'under processing'. - which about I have a constant 'mild' panic and I couldn't sleep at all.)
Anyway, just now, trying to figure out what they will ask tomorrow from me, I wrote a little draft about my related knowledge and experience in the field that my hoped studies are. I tried to seem wise with the wordings but damn, writing anything more serious is much more harder than writing fics - where I rarely care about to be seemed smart.
Good thing is though, that writing in English and having half of my thoughts in English by now (due to writing fics through the past few years) meant help, but still. This is much more different now!
I'm freaking out. This is what I want. And this is what I want since I finished my BSc studies last year. But I am so scared about it right now when finally MSc is an armreach away. I'm excited but at the same time damn scared.
(Sorry, I had to let this out...)
Once I'll have that talk tomorrow, and once the administration is done too, everything depends on the other candidates and on their points. I don't dare to say that everything is a straight path from there but people are not really that masochistic to learn Master's Finance in a foreign (2nd) language... So, (I hope) that I don't have to much to worry about since that point.
But I am panicking now and I fear to have a panic attack about it. Just imagine the green light: once, I am in, I have to give my 100%+ focus on my studies to understand it, then, during the last semesters write a thesis in English. No wonder I'm panicking...
This is my dream for a while, but still. What the hell!
#this is ignorable but im really panicking and being afraid and I need to scream#and need to know that everything will be fine#i wouldnt be able to take another situation in what it turns out my application is not valid - again#i wouldn't be able to take it again so 🤞🤞🤞#and I know that hard stuff start from actually studying but still#i swear ill cry during my first class in happiness if i get in#i know ill shed tears so ugly that it would be awkward...#im damn afraid right now#im reading the topics to prepare for the talk tomorrow and i could scratch my screen because i so want to learn these beautiful things#im surely not normal by being obsessed over finance analysing systems and accounting#...but id love it so much! like crazily! 🍀#i even blink toward doing cfa - which is even a higher level but still im considering it rn
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[productivity rant] [personal but it might resonate with other students and ND people]
as a general rule, any day i choose leisure over productivity basically ruins the whole day and that sometimes snowballs into ruining the week etc etc. but when i do even just ONE task i feel a little better and i'm able to continue it. didn't do anything all day besides pick up my clothes? that's okay <3 tomorrow i'll do more. i self-discipline but i conserve enough energy and treat myself so things that i HAVE to do (go to work, do my homework) i get done and things that i "should" do (laundry, dishes) i may put off but i feel good enough about having gotten my other stuff done that i feel energized into doing it.
a year ago, and even 3 months ago, i used to get so overwhelmed by everything i had to do that i'd cry and shut down and do nothing. i smoked marijuana to ignore my responsibilities and the consequences of not doing them. i've even drank and smoked and vaped nicotine for similar effects (rewriting my reward/dopamine system to not hate myself for being "lazy").
since the semester began, i've kept up the momentum. i made myself a schedule so as not to overwhelm myself unnecessarily (it helps!!), i got a new job as i had quit mine shortly after i stopped smoking November 2021 - that said, i work somewhere corporate now instead of at a franchise that scheduled me when I wasn't available. i attend my classes every week and do the work before the due-date, and once when i missed an assignment in one class, i did it late and turned it in anyway rather than decide not to do it all. that in particular has taught me i can't use procrastination as a means of getting out of the work, like i used to. it makes sense to me now to do the work before it's due rather than put it off hoping it'll disappear. eating meals has helped me stay in-tune with my schedules. i have coffee every morning (as a ritual), i eat breakfast, i make lunch when i can and if i can't i eat at work, and i eat before getting ready for bed. food has been a comfort to my emotions for years and now i'm ritualizing it to 1. make sure i energize my body and 2. routine!!!! aghhh routine my beloved.
at work, i make sure i take breaks. company policy is to take a paid 15 for every 4 hours and a 30-minute meal break before it's been 6 hours. at my old job, we didn't do meal breaks which is literally illegal but we could take two 15's if we wanted/needed. i got so burnt out because i never took meal breaks! at this job, i am required to take multiple breaks if my shift is over 5 hours. my coworkers and the team-leads are SO great about it. i don't feel guilty for taking breaks.
i also work somewhere i love. it took a few jobs, but i actually love it where i work. i get paid above minimum wage, it's corporate, and i'm barista-ing inside of a bigger store (you can probably guess where i work). i'm good at what i do, i like doing it, and i genuinely enjoy making customers happy when i'm there. when i'm overwhelmed, i don't ever get to that breaking point where i feel like i might freak out (due in part to my own self-work, quitting smoking, etc) but it's also because of getting breaks and knowing i'm safe, valued, and supported at my job. i can't speak for other stores but the ETLs where I work make me feel valued. it's important to find a job you like even if it's one you're working while in college or as a place-holder job until you work somewhere better, and that's not possible for everyone so i feel very lucky. it's made all the difference.
i find time for my friends! that's another thing. it's soo important for me to hang out with my #1 when he and i have schedules that allow it, and i've been keeping in touch with others rather than isolating myself. i go to school events when i can, get out by myself when i must. i went to a party this past weekend and hung out with people i don't normally hang with, hosted by a couple i haven't seen in a few years because we fell out and they had a friggin kid!! i got to see their life, their home, their adorable baby, and be a part of the scene catching up with all these other people i used to hang out with in high school. before one of my closer friends went out of state for university, she threw a party i was nervous about going to and i went and had a great time talking to people i didn't normally talk to, outside of my comfort zone.
ignore the weird paragraph breaks because i'm on mobile and can't figure out how to fix them, but this has been my quick little vent about how i balance all the stuff i'm doing. whenever i feel down about my worth or overwhelmed by the workload, i remind myself that i am a student working two jobs and a babysitting gig on top of classes, costuming for a show, and still finding time for appointments, events, and hobbies. i'm killing it out here. i've come to far and i am fuckin proud of myself.
#productivity#stay productive#college student#student#early college#quitsmoking#neurodivergent#autistic women#vent post
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(ARTS246) Ch 12: Typographic Design Process & Project 3: Finalized Process Book PDF
It has been an eventful week full of reviews and corrections. I have spent long nights sitting in front of my computer screen, constantly second-guessing myself, my theme, and my layout for the book. But now, I have created my typography process book & portfolio. It's hard to believe that this semester is almost over, and I have learned a lot from taking Typography I and II. Reviewing my work this week, I have improved from the first progress book I made in Design Technology and Concepts. Although I used a similar grid as my first process book, the layout was completely different due to my wordy, detailed blog posts (sorry, Professor Valdes 😅.) However, I'm glad I treated my blog posts as brain dumps because they helped me write detailed descriptions of my creative process.
The book has been uploaded to Blurb.com for printing and shipping, and it is expected to be ready in about two weeks, hopefully by April 22nd. Overall, I found Blurb to be a relatively easy platform to use, with a slight learning curve at first, as one would expect when learning something new. One of the features I particularly liked was the system's preview function, which allowed me to see the final product before proceeding to the billing process. However, I am somewhat concerned about the PDF file. I am somewhat of a perfectionist, so this being my first physical book to showcase my work, I want it to be as close to perfect as possible. Unfortunately, when I received the printed PDF, I noticed some discrepancies that differed from the preview I had reviewed on Blurb. Specifically, the cover didn't carry all the way to the top of the page, resulting in a small white line being visible, which worried me. Additionally, one of the pages had completely different colors from my original file. This was particularly noticeable in my airline rebranding pattern, where the colors appeared too bright, causing me a bit of a headache. This was strange because the preview on Blurb had appeared completely different and correct, and my test prints had also shown no issues with color matching. I used FedEx's economy 80lb paper, which should be the same paper used for the final printed book. While some might consider these concerns trivial, they remain significant concerns for me. Unfortunately, I couldn't view the paid PDF until after the purchase had been made, so there wasn't much I could do once the file had been sent for printing. At this point, I can only hope that everything works out in the end.
On a positive note, I can use this portfolio to apply for an internship. It showcases my skills in typography, page, and spread layout. Moreover, it's one of the initial projects I created using my personal branding color palette and pictorial logo. I'm thrilled with the final book design, which combines antique/movable type-inspired typography with a geometric surface design. I'm excited to use this color palette and design aesthetic for my upcoming projects.!
I have reached the chapter on the typographic design process in my reading for this week, which is my favorite chapter. I absolutely love learning about how artists bring their ideas to life and find it inspiring to see their creative process. However, the book mentions that starting a project can be daunting, which is so true. I often struggle with a project's initial phase because I am unsure where to begin. Additionally, I wonder when the process of designing ends. Personally, I view design as an ongoing project, and although I complete projects for a grade, I can always revisit them later. For instance, after submitting my process book for grading and printing, I had many ideas for the pages, such as changing the color of call-out captions to make them stand out more. I appreciate how the book showcases the progression of sketches, thumbnails, vectors, and the final product. It is insightful to see how other creatives approach their creative process, and I believe this chapter will serve as a great reference whenever I am stuck or require inspiration during my creative process.
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General Update,
I know I have been fairly quiet lately and I have been withholding the long-awaited update on EWSR? but trust, I've been busy. For anyone here that doesn't know, I am currently a university student in my final year and last semester. Recently, I got through the last of March's deadlines (they were brutal!) and have 2 more to meet in April, and bcs uni planning sucks they're due on the same day. I am so unbelievably tired and tense all of the time. Fellow autistics, I am barely combating burnout. Plus, besides those deadlines, I have a deadline for something I spontaneously volunteered to do like a month or so ago coming up. I thought I had more time for it, but they pushed it forward!
Other than that, I applied for a masters earlier this month and I got an offer! All I gotta do is ace these deadlines and have their results combined with last years and...touch on wood, I'll get in! I'll be graduating in July, and I still need to arrange all that shit. Life has just been a lot for me for a while, and I can't wait until I can be chill again. It's gonna be my birthday next Saturday, I'll be 22, which is a big sounding age that I don't know how to feel about, haha.
Once I have everything sorted out and I've recharged my batteries for a bit, trust, you will be getting EWSR?'s update. I don't want to just toss it out at you guys half-assed just bcs I'm busy, that's some wattpad shit. I left that phase behind yonks ago when I graduated to ao3. I know I've left everyone waiting for it and ppl are prolly either not bothered at this point or are biting at the bit or something, but I just want you to know that the fic isn't abandoned. I'm just a young adult trying to juggle adult responsibilities, and trying not to lose my mind in the process. I've been dealing with mean tummy aches too, but I'm being brave about it (don't have a choice).
If there is anyone lurking for my Devoted fic...I'll return to that in time, once I figure out where I'm going with it. On a side note, I've had 2 fic ideas in mind for the past few weeks. One is due to the return of my love for Death Note and amusement of Naruto combined, the other is a Harry Potter Drarry fic which I'm not confident in writing bcs I don't think I have the patience to write it the way I want to, haha.
Anyway, that is the general update.
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