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cloudofdarkness · 1 year

Text

Departure

Rating:General Audiences

Archive Warning:No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:Gen

Fandom:Final Fantasy XIV

Relationship:

Krile Mayer Baldesion & G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch

Characters:

Krile Mayer Baldesion (Final Fantasy XIV)

G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch

Language: English

Words:2,758

Summary: With friends like these, you may yet achieve your destiny

Notes: To stifle any confusion, Raha refers to Krile as "Ruru" due to the character she was inspired from's JPN name being "Kururu." Krile claims at one point that Krile isn't her birth name, so I always speculated it would be something along those lines, as it's closer to a typical Lalafellin name

ao3 link

“The council has decided to decline your summons to Mor Dhona, and furthermore, to mainland Eorzea. We will send word to the Sons of Saint Coinach of your inavailability, and will send our preferred replacement in your stead. That will be all, Archon.”

He shouldn’t have argued, he shouldn’t have spoken out of turn, he should have bitten his tongue while he had the chance, but he never could help it, could he? Who was more fitting for this position than he? What, was he fated to remain on this island forever? Trapped in his studies until he could study no more? It was ridiculous. Everyone knew it was. To decline the archon of Allagan knowledge a chance to unlock the secrets of the unearthed Crystal Tower...he couldn’t understand what was going through old man Baldesion’s head…

The doors to the Council room were pushed open in haste as the flustered miqo’te made his way out, his head bowed low in frustration and embarrassment. How could they be so foolish? Why would they deny him this? These questions and more swam through his head as he otherwise made his way quietly through the halls. He was so lost in thought, he almost forgot he hadn’t come in alone. No matter, he thought to himself. Krile could stay behind and convince them all she could, but they never changed their minds on any decision.

“I assume the storm clouds raining over your head mean they’ve declined your oh so scholarly invitation to the mainland?”

G’raha’s already clenched fists clenched tighter as his ear swiveled in the direction of the voice. He dare not face him, as he knew it to be an insignificant bully. Krile had constantly warned him not to give them a reason to prod at him, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t listen to what he had to say.

The lanky elezen tilted his head in mock sorrow, ears lowering just to annoy the Archon. It was as if he had no respect for him, no sense of manner...but why should he? Sure, he was no expert in the manner of Allag, but he had always envied G’raha’s natural wit and draw to such an ancient and technologically advanced civilization. Why would Baldesion let such an arrogant, closed off fool like him bear the title of Archon when it was others like him who spent years dedicated to their studies to earn it? He cared not of his race’s lifespan or the maturity that came with it, he certainly didn’t show his age...why should he be allowed the maturity or anything that came with it? Why did he matter?

“Mayhap that was why they called me down then. To send me in your stead?” A fake sigh passed his lips, and he stood from the wall he leaned against to inch closer. “And after all those years of waiting too~ I suppose they just...looked right past you and realized how naive you really are.” He was practically breathing down his neck now, beckoning an agitated response. “Tell me, is that truly a royal eye, or is it just as unlucky and gaudy as everyone claims it to be?”

Useless. You’re useless, and everyone knows it.

“That’s quite enough, Master Orlais.” A firm voice spoke from nearby, and the two men turned their heads in sync to spot a rather stern looking lalafell making her way towards them, her expression ever pressed but polite and mature. G’raha could tell just by her stride that she wanted to step on the elezen’s toes. She never did favor him, but she would always present herself in a good light.

“M-Mistress Krile! I apologize for my procrastination! I shall be on my way to the council immediately! I was simply...passing my regrets to our poor Archon here.” He was quick to apologize, earning an understanding nod from the senior.

“Surely. Well, you had better make haste. The council doesn’t like to be kept waiting.” G’raha could always tell the difference between her sincere voice, and her voice of command. Few could spot the difference, but there was always somewhat of an icier tone she took when disciplining other students. The power that she held despite her stature was one he scarcely dared to genuinely fool with.

They both watched as the flustered elezen bowed in respect, before making his hasty departure back the way they came. Once alone, Krile sighed. It had been quite the evening. She knew her friend’s summons would get declined. She knew how her grandfather thought of him, what he thought of him. He was elusive, but they both knew how reckless and selfless G’raha could be. She knew all of this, and she still gave him the courage to ask, to plead. This was his life’s dream, after all. Perhaps...she had hoped it would convince them all coming from his heart instead of hers. How naive of her it was...

And yet, they stood there, silently, avoiding gazes with admittances on the tips of their tongues. They couldn’t imagine what was going on in either’s head, despite trying to quietly prod. Instead of anything being said, Krile reached to take his hand, leading him down the hall to their dorm. Rarely was anyone found wandering this late, aside from those few who chose to study the stars and the occasional student tending to their nocturnal familiars. After a moment, G’raha felt comfortable enough to speak up.

“I apologize for failing to listen to you.”

Krile stopped, her ponytail swishing abruptly at how quickly she had halted herself. It was quite rare of him to apologize to anyone other than a professor, and even then was he stubborn enough to prove himself right. It had always been one of his vices. So...why now? “Raha, if I had a gil for every time I’ve had to carry you away from someone-“

“No, it’s not that...I…” he tried to put it into words, to tell her that he never should have requested the hearing in the first place, but the truth of the matter was...he had wanted to. Nothing could have stopped him, even if someone tried to change his mind. He couldn’t apologize where he wasn’t truly sorry, and she knew that more than anyone. “Nevermind, I...believe I’m just fatigued after today. Wouldn’t you agree?”

She knew exactly what he meant then, nodding as she let them inside and watching as he half heartedly went over to his desk. His fingers trailed the etched wood until they graced the small scroll she knew detailed the importance about his chosen mission. His eyes fluttered sadly over the ink carefully inscribed into it, as if it were written in a language beyond Eorzean, as if he was trying to understand what it meant. ‘We could think of no one better to accompany us on this expedition,’ How could he not be destined to go? Why was he to remain here? Was he always simply meant to be left behind?

The miqo’te jolted as he caught the ink on the letter running wet down the page, realizing he was staining the scroll with his tears of anger. He was quick to pinch the bridge of his nose, wiping away any collecting there and setting the paper back down before he made himself too obvious. Not that it would matter, Krile was more in tune with emotions than anyone he’d ever known, he often assumed her to be somewhat of an empath at times. He was still mostly convinced of it. Though if she sensed anything at all, she knew it was best to leave him alone. There was no point in trying to coax him out of this one.

Defeatedly, he removed his uniform coat, draping it over his desk chair and sitting on the end of his bed to unbuckle his boots. As he did, his thoughts predictably circled back to the tower. What wonders awaited whoever was lucky enough to crack it open? What would they uncover in the labyrinth leading in? Ancient weapons, too advanced to fathom? Towering golems created to protect and destroy? And the tower itself, oh how he yearned to know what secrets hid themselves inside, secrets he might never discover, only fit to hear about it as everyone else uncovered what was fit to be his possible legacy. He could fairly feel his eyes growing irritated just thinking about it, and so he turned onto his side, curling into himself and hugging his knees close to his chest. His tail curled itself around his leg in a firm hold, as if it was anchoring him to himself. The one thing he’d always dreamed of was taken from him, and it may as well have been. When could he ever be so lucky as to have that happen?

He hardly heard Krile preparing herself for bed, his ears pressed flat to his head as he remained as he was. Sleep eventually found him, but only when he’d exhausted himself of his thoughts. — And just as abruptly was he taken from his dreamland, ears flickering in annoyance as his friend shook him awake. “...whzzit, Ruru…?” He mumbled, lazily pulling stray strands of hair from his mouth. He could hear her huffing impatiently. “And what time is it…? It’s hardly dawn…”

“It’s early. Now, I’m going down to the docks to see our colleague off on his expedition. The foolish man forgot his belongings and I’m the only one fit to bring it to him.” Another sigh, and he watched her hurriedly pulling on her coat, not bothering to pull up it’s hood. She paused a moment, before eyeing him. “I’d like you to come with me so that you can provide him with anything he might need on his journey.”

G’raha huffed, lips pressing into a pout as he flopped back onto the bed. She woke him up for this?? To send the fool on his way? What was she thinking, that he would feign politeness? Why, he felt like sending off the ship with a rock to it’s hull at this point! “Thank you for your consideration, Krile, but I think I’d prefer to stay and catch some shut-eye…”

There was a sudden tug at his ear, and he couldn’t help but yelp in annoyance, his frustration and fatigue really getting to him. “I’m sorry? I don’t recall asking you anything. You will accompany me to the docks, or I’ll tell grandfather all about you sleeping in during Master Peregrine’s lesson on morbol safety last week because it was ‘optional’!”

When G’raha met the lalafell’s eyes, everything about her was smiling.

Oh, this was true fear.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Care to test your grade on it then?”

And like a flash, he was suddenly awake, and already had his boots on as she turned to retrieve the bag. Typical of him, truly. — Not wanting to focus on the reason they were up and about so early, G’raha instead observed his friend and her rather...uncanny behavior. He knew that they may have been pressed for time in their delivery, but truly, could the ship captain not wait for their arrival if what they sent was the elezen’s belongings? She seemed awfully hurried for something not needing to be rushed, but then again, maybe she felt as he did, and simply wanted to get this whole ordeal over with and dive back into bed. Oh it fair brought him back to that one year they spent half of a holiday’s break seeing who could sleep for longer. Krile had won sure, but only because she’d tricked him into thinking he’d slept in over an exam date. How he missed those times…

The Dravanian winds were whipping up a chill as they scurried down to the docs, and G’raha was glad that their uniforms ran rather thick, only slightly bothered by the chill with the added bite to the nose of the ocean. He tried his best to warm himself, trying to keep busy as Krile did her work, but he couldn’t help but observe the area. There seemed to be no rush or bustling about, and the ship’s crew were hardly in a hurry, spotting a couple even sitting atop crates and exchanging casual conversation. Why then, was she in such a rush?

His ear flickered and swiveled as he heard her voice among the crew, seeing her speak with the supposed captain and figuring Orlais had probably sent him out for himself. Not wanting to confront Krile again, perhaps. He grinned at the thought, pleased that his short-statured friend could have such an intimidating presence. It was only when they’d both glanced over to him that he became alert, tail swishing upwards frantically. It must have been his turn to impart his knowledge upon such a lost soul. Oh how terrible he felt for Rammbroes and those in Mor Dhona…

“So, this is the one then? Well, on with it then, lad.”

The scholar sighed, a hand on his hip. He didn’t like the situation, but it didn’t mean he had to leave his replacement lost in the dark. “He’ll want to be wary of the four sentinals. It’s a four layered construct that fair shields the walkway of the tower, and they shan’t wish to fly above it. Any transport that flies too close will be shot out of the sky. If they can break through such a shield, the next obstacle would be the Labyrinth-“

“That’s all well and good, lad...but could you save it for the researchers? I’m only a sea dog, and I can’t say I understand half of what you’re blabberin’ about.” The captain interrupted, earning a confused glance from the scholar. “Now if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to get my ship out of dock before the sun hits the horizon. So whenever you’re itchin’ to climb aboard, don’t feel hesitant in doin’ so.”

“I...what?” Was all he could really say. How could he say anything else? Was Orlais not present? Or had he yet to show?

Krile then cleared her throat, holding out the sack of belongings and gesturing for the captain to give them a moment. It was then that G’raha realized how much of a fool he’d been. For this entire time, he hadn’t noticed she’d been carrying his bag.

“Krile...I don’t-“

He watched as his friend clasped her hands behind her back, and he instinctively knelt down to her height, confusion still swarming his every thought as she smiled up to him. “You promise me you’ll stay safe out there? No reckless behavior or wandering off to do things your way? You’re going simply as the letter states; an observer, and if I hear of you causing trouble, you can expect me to join you right away.”

It all donned in him then. Nobody knew but them that he was going. That was why she had rushed herself like so.

She had done all of this for him.

“...you know I cannot promise all those things at once. It would be far too complicated for me~” he tried at a smile, and both of them knew now what was to happen. A laugh escaped the girl, and she rushed in to embrace him, fairly squeezing him around his middle.

“I shall miss you, Raha...you come back safe, or I’ll make sure you do, you hear me?” Her words broke slightly at the end, and he was sure he heard the smallest of sniffles from her. He would miss her the most, he thought. The truest friend to the end. She backed away then, gently nudging his arm with a grin. “Now, go do what you were always meant to, and do try not to make a fool of yourself if you happen across someone you think is a new flame for you to enkindle?”

The miqo’te grinned, standing confidently now as he backed onto the landing plank. “Oh? And who’s to stop me if I do?”

“Don’t make me regret giving you this.” She huffed, giving him a simple wave as he backed further onto the ship. It would be morning soon, she thought. That was when the waves shone the prettiest, and he would finally get to see it. He would see it all, she knew.

Despite everything, she believed in him. This would make him happier.

This would be his destiny.

This would be their departure.

#eden writes #ffxiv #ff14 #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy 14 #g'raha tia #krile mayer baldesion

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thedaytheworldburned · 2 years

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‘Frost’ Lyric Analysis

Released with The Chaos Chapter: FREEZE, May 2021.

Everyone loved the song, but not only was there no performance, there was no MV! It was terrible. And then, out of nowhere, it showed up. And it was epic, and VERY important.

In my storyline playlist, the song is in an odd position. The song itself, the MV, and the choreography all have positions both right at the beginning of the storyline, as a follow-up to ‘Nap of a Star,’ and after ‘What if I had been that PUMA?’ at the end of the storyline and after chaos has begun. So, perhaps I need to put it in there twice - it is VERY important to both.

The song itself is pretty self-explanatory. Frost and chaos, the two biggest motifs of the Chaos Chapter, since the first time it was teased. This is the big apocalyptic event at the beginning of the Chaos Chapter - when the boy’s previous actions, including the breaking of time and the burning of Magic Island, comes back to bit them. They may well have made up after ‘Can’t You See Me?” (or not) but they certainly haven’t healed the universe or the star, and it all starts to fall apart.

This could well be the origin of evil Kai - he has a big role in the song and the lyrics, and tells us several times how he has gone cold, has been hurt, is going insane, etc. Soobin and Yeonjun also say that they are going insane, perhaps for similar reasons to their saying ‘help me’ and ‘save me’ previously in the storyline. Taehyun and Beomgyu seem to be okay? Goodness knows.

Full lyric analysis below the line.

Frost

The beginning of the verse here is also, ‘Even when spring comes there’s no warmth. Sharp thorns grow outside the window.’

The last two lines are also, ‘In the encroached soul, I’m hollowed out.’

The first section of this verse is also, ‘The voices that call me, I was dragged by my name into this chaos.’

‘What is my destiny?’ is also, ‘What is the answer?’

Also, here, we see that Soobin and Yeonjun have lost it. Yeonjun is obvious - he keeps dying. Soobin is trapped in the glass box and has been left/forgotten by the members.

The last three lines of this verse are also, ‘Even when I call that name, all that comes out is cold breaths.’

This verse is also, ‘Nestled in the foreign name, destiny or something. I don’t know the meaning, they form whitely.’

The first two lines of this verse are also translated as, ‘Cross the frozen lake and follow the road,’ and the third last line is also translated as, ‘wrecked destiny.’

This is also when we see that Kai has lost it, too. This is most likely the beginning of Kai’s possession/evil Kai (as I now dub him. Jekyll and Hyde Kai? We’ll probably have to wait for the next album to see).

The first line of this verse is also, ‘Only confusion exists in the dream’s land,’ and the last line is also, ‘The reason frozen in front of the name.’

I think it’s important that Kai sings these lines - it’s another piece of evidence towards the manifestation of evil Kai in ‘Frost.’

Conclusions

It’s dark, it’s Gothic, it’s evil, Kai has gone insane, Soobin and Yeonjun have gone insane, and Beomgyu and Taehyun are probably still strangling each other.

#txt #tomorrow x together #moa #txt theories #lyric analysis #tcc #the chaos chapter #freeze #the chaos chapter: freeze #frost

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sunshowerr · 2 years

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Hordak stans I'm done

"Catra abused Hordak"

Cry about it

He potentially kills her twice in the same season,by sucking the air out of her lungs you know how it feels when you choke ,ever had panic attacks ,you can compare it to that but it's even worse ? Then he calls her pathetic over and over, tries to shackle her with a death sentence afterwards. says the only reason she's still standing and not being punished after the botched portal is because the signal went trough. if that isn't a threat i don't know what it is.

"She took his walking aid and calls him a defect and a failure"

She was literally just spitting facts even if it was to simply provoke him into shooting at her direction which what do you know worked out fine since it distracted him enough for Catra to strike which what do you know is exactly her fighting style. That was such a good flying kick by the way

If it is his so called walking aid why is he still seen moving after being plummeted by the rubble ? Why can he still lift a scrap of heavy metal to hit Glimmer with ? Hell,he's still seen moving after being hit by Bow's explosive arrow ?why is he seen functioning after he's zapped by Prime. (as someone who has her own inadequacies i'm not denying him of his but you all are bending your backs so hard)

I think the luvd crystal powers/boost's the exo-skeleton when Entrapta builds him a new exo-skeleton armor integrated with it he first off notices the power differences saying it feels powerful .it's certainly a boost up when he can easily move or throw pillars with it and break bow's arrow with ease ofcourse, he had his issues's before with his previous exo-skeleton. which didn't require a crystal but it still functioned well enough without it over decades to boot.

It's an upgrade from his old one but it's not as if Catra took his entire armor from him .she tore out the core the to me it felt similar to when she rendered Shadow weaver powerless by destroying the piece of black garnet crystal. the difference is that in one scene it's entirely justified in shadow weavers case. while in Destiny not as much it's a bit of both Catra was so wrong for sending off entrapta to beast island

But Hordak set the stage of this abusive environment where violence is encouraged ,kids hit eachother with electric staffs and eat gray goop in the first place ,he contributed to her descend in villainy ,caused for Adora and her and the other kids to get molded into these childsoldiers,hurted her by choking her twice with the atmosphere removal machine ,then verbally abuses her (calls her pathetic,worthless, failure) threatened her, lashed out at her etc

#this is even when i defended him in a post #in a catra post #it's laughable when you find out it's probably how that person found my account #cause outside of that i haven't even interacted once with hordak accounts ever since i blocked the most toxic one's #blocking them isn't enough it seems #is this anti hordak ?#i don't know #anti hordak stans #???#next time you try to be clever in my asks you're getting straight up reported #i'm sorry for the hordak fans who do like him and have to see this #this isn't a dig at you #I believe an interview mentioned #How hordak had been untouchable from his throne up until now and didn't like that he was the one being hurt this time

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shihalyfie · 3 years

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02 and the question of “what a life is”

One topic more specific to 02 is the question of what exactly counts as being “alive”, which is initially brought up as a question when Ken discarding the Kaiser persona is directly caused by the revelation that he might have misjudged this, leading into the second half of the series where other issues reveal that it’s not as easy of a question as one thinks. In the end, 02 never gives a concrete answer about what constitutes the boundary between something that’s “alive” and “not alive” -- but, being a series that’s very much about pragmatism, gives a much clearer answer as to what one should do about it.

While it’s not named directly in the series itself (I’m not sure if this specific named concept was the intent, as it’s since expanded to become a fairly ubiquitous theme in sci-fi and fantasy overall), 02 deals heavily with a question related to a thought experiment called the “Chinese room problem”, which originated as a question related to artificial intelligence development and has since expanded into having philosophical and spiritual nuances (perhaps fittingly for Digimon Adventure, which is heavily about digital technology and sci-fi but mixes it with a lot of philosophical and spiritual imagery).

The Chinese room problem goes like this: let’s say you’re a person who has never learned, studied, or grown up with the Chinese language (or, really, any language you can’t understand or read; Chinese was only used as an example because the person explaining the thought experiment was using himself as an example and couldn’t read or understand it). You’re locked in a room that has a bunch of Chinese phrasebooks that give you instructions -- basically, they indicate common Chinese phrases, and sensible responses you can give to them (without actually translating it to a language you know). Someone slips you a piece of paper under the door with some Chinese phrases on them. You use the phrasebooks to write appropriate responses, and slip the paper back. The person outside the door reads the paper, sees what they gave you, and sees the response you gave them. It makes sense, of course, because the phrasebook told you to write an answer that made sense. But can you be said to actually understand Chinese? No, because you were just following instructions without actually understanding what they meant.

So let’s expand this to make it a bit more complicated: say you have an AI or a robot or something of the sort that accepts “input” -- people saying things to it, or showing it things -- and gives expected “responses” that seem sensible, through a bunch of complicated programs and processes in its programming. Can you say this robot is “alive”? One might say “no”, because, no matter how complicated and intricate it is, all of it is technically following a set of routine commands telling it to do certain things in response...or so you might say, but couldn’t you say the same thing about a human brain, which also takes input, processes it according to its own instructions (just caused by chemical processes instead of bytes and code), and creates output? After a certain point, this question is going to become far more of a philosophical, spiritual, and potentially even religious question than anything.

Adventure and 02 undoubtedly have a very spiritual element to it, given the heavy usage of Neoplatonic themes, the concept of “destiny” that hangs heavily over it, and the fact that Digimon themselves are heavily linked to spiritual things like Japanese youkai or other spirits and literally being part of the human soul. Digimon partners are treated as part of their partners’ human psyches, yet are also treated as individuals. And, in the end, it’s driven home that Digimon are made out of data -- but “digital technology” is treated as something that can communicate with such spiritual things. So here’s the question: At what point can a Digimon be called a living being?

Well, really, the first time this had really been brought up was the allusion to the issue in Adventure episode 20 -- when Taichi takes the revelation of the Digital World being a “digital” world a bit too literally and decides to treat it as a game, acting a bit too recklessly as a result. Koushirou himself buys into the theory of “real bodies” (which turns out to be false; this isn’t a Matrix situation where their bodies are sleeping somewhere, but they are actually being migrated here), but the point by the end of this episode is: just because everything is “data” doesn’t mean you get to treat it any less lightly. Do not treat the Digital World like a “game world” or something you can fiddle with at will.

Even if the technicals may make it seem like a computer, the reality of the situation is that everything you do has a permanent effect that you cannot instantly take back. It doesn’t matter what it’s “made” up out of; the issue is more about what you do, and the practical impact it has on what’s around you. (This will very important for later, so keep this in mind as we go.)

So by the time we get to 02, the first time this issue is brought up again is in 02 episode 20, when Ken, as the Kaiser, recognizes the kids’ Digimon Baby forms as the “plushies” he’d seen them carrying in real life during the soccer match back in 02 episode 8, which reveals a lot about his mentality in approaching the Digital World and Digimon -- he’d been under the impression that Digimon couldn’t leave it, apparently, and that they were therefore all part of a simulated game. Driving it in further is that Wormmon refers to the Digimon having “bodies” (as in, physical bodies), which trips Ken’s radar that there’s a lot more to this than he’d thought. There’s also a lot of evidence that Ken wasn’t just solely trying to buy into this concept for the sake of denial and self-justification; up until this point, he’d been noticeably hesitant to physically harm other humans, so he really did buy into there being a substantial difference here.

...But, funnily enough, we later learn in a flashback in 02 episode 23 that Ken didn’t necessarily always have this attitude of “Digimon aren’t living beings, so I get to do whatever I want with them” back during his original adventures with Wormmon in the Digital World. One could argue that maybe he “knew” that Digimon were alive back then and the Dark Seed just made him forget through trauma, but even Taichi hardly treated the Digimon badly back when he thought that everything was a “game” back in Adventure (rather, he was reckless with himself more than anything). Later in this very series, there’ll end up being a massive debate on what exactly constitutes a Digimon having a “soul”. No, the real issue is actually...

What tips Ken over the edge into discarding the Kaiser persona is empathy -- when he retroactively reflects on the implications of the Digimon being “alive” meaning that every single action he’d done had an impact on causing “pain” or “torture” on others. That’s why it didn’t matter so much to him back then, because he was willing to treat Wormmon with the respect of a living being, regardless of what he was made out of (and, really, humans are more likely to be kind to things than otherwise, even when they’re supposedly “artificial”; for an extreme example, see how people are inclined to treat their robotic vacuum cleaners like family members, or have a hard time picking rude choices in video games, and those are all things you have much less of an argument for there being any actual pain inflicted).

And, hence, the main reason why the kids rail so much on the Kaiser for suggesting the heresy of “resetting the Digital World”: because he’s treating something with the gravity of “reality” like it’s something he can just toy with for his own convenience. Who cares what it’s made up of? There are actual civilizations building a livelihood here and “living beings” that can feel pain or show emotion. Nobody ever gave the kids immediate knowledge that Digimon have souls or any higher answer like that -- it’s just that the Kaiser is a callous, unempathetic jerk who’s willing to toy with so many lives and living individuals for his own pleasure. And, most importantly, everything the Kaiser has done here is something he can’t take back, and has to accept the consequences of; this wasn’t a place where he could vent out his feelings of being unable to “take back” Osamu’s death and treat everything lightly.

It doesn’t actually matter what it’s made up of -- the fact is that they act like living beings, show obvious personal feelings and a propensity to feel pain, and thus have the right to be treated as such. If you’re practically able to observe this, then you should be respecting that.

Once Archnemon takes over the position as most prominent antagonist, the kids start dealing with her Dark Tower Digimon that she uses to indiscriminately destroy things. This initially creates a lot of confusion for the kids, especially when Ken and Stingmon so easily kill Thunderballmon and it looks to them like he’s gone right back into sadism after supposedly being reformed -- thus, this would provide an issue with Ken’s apparent lack of empathy if he’s allowed to keep going, because he (seemingly) hasn’t learned his lesson and will go on to keep hurting more victims.

When Golemon goes to destroy the dam, it’s repeatedly commented on how unusual it is for a Digimon to just go and destroy a dam for no reason except to ruin people’s lives -- even the enemies back in Adventure at least had a power-hungry motive, and the non-verbal “wild” ones back in File Island were ultimately territorial at worst, and certainly not interested in wanton destruction without reason. On top of that, in fact, only two people -- Iori and Miyako -- in this group of five are actually that vehemently in favor of trying to spare Golemon for the sheer reason of it being a living being -- Daisuke starts to consider the fact that it may become necessary to save potential victims before Ken is even brought into the picture, Takeru points out how close they are to push-coming-to-shove, and Hikari clearly laments the fact it may become possible but doesn’t take nearly of the strong “we absolutely cannot do this” stance that Iori and Miyako have. And, after all, Takeru and Hikari were there back in Adventure when killing some very sentient Digimon became necessary, and learned that it may be something you have to do if you want to prevent more victims, and Daisuke had personally been a victim of Vamdemon back in 1999 and also happens to be one of the most pragmatic in this group.

Thus, the reveal that Golemon is actually a Dark Tower Digimon confirms two things for them: firstly, that it’s very unlikely that Golemon is powered by anything but a sheer instinct of wanton destruction, and secondly, that Ken does, indeed, have a concept of empathy. The kids had already noticed that something was “unusual” about Golemon in that it seemed to be incapable of independent action, just an order to “mindlessly destroy”, and it being what the series refers to as “a Dark Tower in the shape of a Digimon” just happens to confirm that it may not actually be that capable of independent action or emotion -- which they then realize that Ken also realized, and thus that he wasn’t killing Digimon out of callousness. This is, also, effectively, the same reason they’d been okay with killing Chimeramon earlier -- because there was absolutely no evidence that it had been capable of sentient reason or anything besides “destruction on instinct”.

So, again: their judgment on the situation is based on a practical observation about whether the entity in question was capable of having emotions or independent thought, and, again, a question of empathy...

...because we learn that the same process, when applied to enough Dark Towers, is enough to create a Digimon who is capable of that kind of independent thought and doesn’t feel up to taking orders, regardless of whether Archnemon is his “creator” or not. So we’ve got a demonstration of a Digimon who’s clearly capable of independent thought in ways the other Dark Tower Digimon are not (he even voices “envy” for the other single-tower Digimon Archnemon creates for being unable to think about anything), and starts exhibiting irrational behavior and the concept of “emotions”.

Recall the issue of the Chinese room problem: if we’re talking about a room of phrasebooks that simply take one input and export output, you, in the middle of the room, can’t really be said to be “understanding” Chinese. But the more complex the inputs and expected outputs get, the more complicated and intricate and explanatory those phrasebooks are going to need to be, and at some point, given a complicated enough question you get, if you’re capable of answering that in the same way a human might be expected to, that information in the phrasebooks will have to be explanatory enough to an extent you’ll be said to understand Chinese. Exactly “how complicated” or “how nuanced” does a program get before we tip that boundary? Clearly there is some difference between BlackWarGreymon and the other Dark Tower Digimon, but what is it?

And when 02 episode 32 comes around and Agumon decides to have a little bonding chat with BlackWarGreymon, even he can't answer the question definitively as to what a "soul" or “heart” is -- nobody in this narrative can, and this series has no answer. There’s no real clear-cut rule as to the boundary as to when one can be considered sentient. But while Agumon may not be able to immediately yank out deep philosophy, he at least has a deep level of insight and understanding as to what it means -- you have feelings for others, you have emotions, you have things you want that aren’t necessarily what others expect you to do, and you can bring your own perspective to the table.

The debate over what to do with this also leads to the rift between Takeru and Iori that they have to work towards mending during their Jogress arc -- Takeru’s trauma regarding Patamon in Adventure has spiraled him all the way over into prejudice against anything related to the darkness, and Iori, who understands there’s more to the situation than that, but also happens to be on the other extreme of considering it immoral to kill anything regardless of whether it’s about to murder a ton of other victims while it’s at it.

Ultimately, Adventure and 02 is a narrative that prioritizes “pragmatism” first, and the moment it’s made clear BlackWarGreymon isn’t going to cause problems anymore, the kids all decide it’s fine to let him be. In the end, whether BlackWarGreymon is “alive” is a philosophical question, but...

...whether they should hold back in fighting just to “spare lives” really has no bearing on that question. Enemies like LadyDevimon and the other Digimon the kids are ultimately forced to end up fighting are clearly alive with their own emotions -- it’s just that those emotions do happen to be uncontrolled sadism and an active desire for wanton destruction. Miyako herself even observes that LadyDevimon is a “coward” -- but she’s also still emotionally torn by the fact they end up killing her, and the story also doesn’t give her grief for this, because there’s no sin for her to have empathy. She recognized what it meant to kill a life, but they also cannot be blamed for taking that life in the process of saving multiple others. The issue of “whether it’s alive or not” had always been a separate question from the morality of fighting said lives -- and, either way, it’s still valuable that characters like Hikari, Miyako, and the other Chosen Children aren’t necessarily doing this because they like doing it, because it’s still important to keep that feeling of “empathy” in their hearts, even if push did ultimately come to shove.

So when BlackWarGreymon does return, again, nobody has an answer for him on whether he has a soul or not, but in 02 episode 47, Agumon, V-mon, and Wormmon encourage him to embrace the concept of life by “experiences” -- happiness, sadness, pain, playing and enjoying life with those you care about. Because those experiences are “real”, and Agumon himself says that “those experiences have made me who I am”; regardless of the higher philosophical question of whether he has a soul or not, he’s still someone who’s capable of having experiences and acting based on his memory of them, and that’s what’s really important. And hence, when BlackWarGreymon sacrifices himself one episode later, it’s because he understands the meaning of “doing something for others”, and is also implicitly mourned by the other Digimon, who had never failed to see him as “someone they could have befriended”, regardless of what he had originally been made up of.

It’s also why the kids are so traumatized by Archnemon and Mummymon’s deaths in 02 episode 48 -- they had no reason to be personally attached to them prior to that, and Archnemon had even said that her personal goals were nothing but wanton destruction in 02 episode 29 (which had been the first time Iori had really considered that pacifism may not be completely possible here). All of the wacky hijinks between the two of them had largely been outside of their view. But even back in 02 episodes 36-37, the kids had understood that there was some degree that they were harmless if left alone, and in the end, they watched Archnemon die in unambiguous pain and Mummymon die in the name of true love, by dying in a suicide attack because of his despair over losing her.

Archnemon and Mummymon had ultimately turned out to be “artificial lives” on their own, created at the hands of Oikawa to be his minions, and also somewhat guided by “wanton destruction” and not entirely fully aware of what they wanted to do independent of him -- BlackWarGreymon’s existential crisis had caused them to question their place in the world in 02 episode 47...and quickly shrug it off again. Could you say anything about whether they were alive or not, or whether they had souls? Perhaps it doesn’t really matter -- whether or not they were able to fully have deep thought the same way BlackWarGreymon and the other Digimon had, they at the very least were able to feel attachment and pain, and that alone deserved to be respected.

In the end, you could say that’s 02′s answer -- or non-answer -- to the Chinese room problem. You may not be able to answer the intrinsic philosophical question of whether it’s got a “soul” or is “alive” or not, but if it’s clearly demonstrating an observable and practical phenomenon of showing emotions, acting on some degree of independent will, taking in experiences and acting on them, and being able to feel a sense of pain, then you should still treat it with the appropriate amount of empathy -- regardless of what it’s made out of.

Incidentally, we do actually get a very small revisiting of this topic in Kizuna, when Menoa creates a ton of Eosmon by “scientific” methods -- and, much like the Dark Tower Digimon, they’re not recognized as living beings by anyone in this narrative, because their behavior is clearly that of mindlessly following Menoa’s orders; Yamato won’t consider it a Digimon, and Menoa herself even acknowledges that this is in no way a real “partner” like her true one, Morphomon. What does get Menoa to recognize Morphomon within Eosmon is when it does one thing -- smile -- that’s clearly outside that view, and an obvious show of independent emotion, leading Menoa to realize that her true, living partner may be closer than she’d thought.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #kizuna spoilers #shihameta

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razorblade180 · 3 years

Text

Shackles Finale: Free

[Part 12]

Destiny is a fickle thing. For some it’s real, and for others it’s as fake as fairy tales. No matter what however, time still goes on. Things still happen. Ruby was never one to think too hard on the topic despite all she’s been through. However, as she walked into Menagerie’s hospital soaking wet from the extreme downpour happening in the middle of the night, Ruby couldn’t help but wonder if it was destiny to test everyone’s resolve; or karma coming to collect.

Her self imposed mission had been going well. Adam cooperated, Blake planned ahead, and things progressed steadily. It should’ve stayed like that for three more months. Unfortunately things don’t always go as planned. Jacquelyn went into labor early, too early. The woman woke up today looking fit as a fiddle. Who could’ve guessed she would be fighting for her life today? Her, and her daughter?

Hospital staff were in a frenzy from the storm just like the public. It made getting to the back where everyone was without suspicion easy for Ruby. Certain doctors were notified ahead of time of the complexities of their patient and precautions had already been in place for Jacquelyn and company to have no disturbances. Though nobody factored in an unhealthy birth creating this island’s worst storms to date. Ruby made it to the sealed off waiting room. What should’ve been a haven of calm was another conflict. Blake stood arms folded and ears back in the way of guards and her conflicted father while Adam sat behind her, silent.

“You know I expected more from you, Saber. That goes double for you dad.”

The man frowned. “Blake, this wasn’t my-”

“We have held our end of the agreement.” Saber interjected, “Adam was to be free until the child was born. Not my problem that day came early.”

Blake grit her teeth. “You know damn well that’s not why I’m standing here right now!” She said through her teeth. His kid had just been born moments ago and just like that, she was rushed to intensive care. Meanwhile Jacquelyn was slipping in and out, her body failing her during the labor. “Let him see this through.”

“What good would it do him to hear terrible news? He’ll lash out for all we know. That can not happen in a hospital!”

“You just want to kick him while he’s down!”

“AND FOR GOOD REASON!”

Okay, Ruby had enough. “HEY!” She yelled, gaining everyone’s attention. She brushed her wet hair out of her face. “I set up generators across the island. No one's gonna lose power. I also told people Menagerie’s guards were making their rounds to make sure everyone was accounted for. I don’t mean to overstep being an outsider and all but…” her eyes burrowed into Saber’s “Get to work.” It wasn’t kind or even right necessarily, but Ruby didn’t care.

Feeling the pressure, Saber made the wise decision to take his people and leave. Ghira looked at Blake with guilt in his eyes for letting it get this far. “Listen I-”

“You know I understand mom not wanting anything to do with this, but I didn’t expect this from you. It’s like you’re trying to create every reason to push him back into old habits and make all this worthless. We will hold up our end of the bargain, so teach them what you tell me and have some patience.”

Ghira didn’t want to admit it, but she was right. There was caution, and then there was insensitivity. He had no words, just a nod before walking away.

Ruby grabbed his arm in passing. “She knows this wasn’t your call. Blake is stressed. Your house still has power. Ilia is with Kali trying to calm down Sienna and Sun is helping check on people. Maybe you should go home too?” Ruby smiled softly. She knew a worried father when she saw one. Ghira needed something to do.

“I appreciate the concern Mrs. Rose, but I think I’ll just stand guard outside this room.”

“Understood, and hey, things will work themselves out.” Ruby let him go and headed from one worried feline to the next. “You know he’s not to blame right? He’s just…trying to keep everyone connected.”

Blake let out a sigh, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “I know that, and I also know he’s not going to lose me. But right now I really need everyone to not jump the gun. Thanks for keeping the peace. Maybe I should’ve paid more attention to your leadership skills.”

“I just got snippy with faunus officers on their own island. Really testing my boundaries with my status as an important huntress across Remnant.” Ruby patted Blake on the back. “You should go check in on the doctors. I’ll do my job watching our person of interest.”

“Okay.” Blake looked back at Adam. He stayed quiet throughout all of this, eyes closed and arms crossed. He must’ve figured the best thing he could do right now is not look threatening. “I’ll let you know first if anything changes okay?”

He still didn’t move but that didn’t stop him from speaking. “Thank you.” He heard Blake run off in a hurry while the sound of chair legs rubbed the ground in front of him. Adam opened his one good eye and saw Ruby sitting in front of him with her scroll in hand.

“You know…I can’t remember when a day has felt this long.” Ruby sighed, “Moments like these is enough to just make you want stop time ya know?”

“I don’t need sympathy.”

“Wasn’t giving any. Just venting I guess. My husband sent me a text. I’m missing a very important arrival today; not that it’s your fault by any means. I just know it’s gonna be grounds for a conversation later that might get feisty, again.”

Adam could see how tired Ruby was. The normally energetic woman was leaning back in her seat, eyes closed.

“Maybe you shouldn’t take long missions then?”

“Pfft nah. I don’t regret helping where I can. Besides I didn’t know until after I took the mission. Things will work themselves out though. That’s how family works. Believe in each other and the impossible happens.”

“I know what you’re doing. It’s not gonna work. Just stop talking okay?”

Ruby pursed her lips. Years of leadership didn’t prepare her talks like these. She had to say something though. It was hard to explain, but Ruby could feel the importance of this moment. Good or bad news, bottling this up would make anyone go insane. Ruby reached down her shirt and lifted her necklace. It was a silver cross with red roses wrapped around it. She took it off and dangled it on her fingers, scooting closer to Adam.

“My dad and uncle gave this to me on my birthday. They said…sometimes you need a piece of faith when you don’t have any yourself. I’m not really religious but apparently my mom used to pray after she knew there was nothing left she could do herself. Hehe, it’s a Rose mentality.” Ruby put it in Adam’s hand and curled it. “Don’t tell anyone this, but it’s pretty cool that you are your own kind of rose. Makes me feel like we’re connected in a way. Keep that. I know it’ll fit you.”

Adam remained quiet. He stared down at the trinket in his hand until his vision blurred. His body trembled. Slowly he clenched the cross. “I have no right to pray for anything. If destiny or whatever you want to call it exists then it’s only fair I get punished.”

Ruby frowned, “Hey that’s-” she cut herself short, not expecting Adam to put his other hand over the cross; his forehead pressing against them as he closed his eyes.

“Punish me.” He uttered weakly. “Me, not them. Leave everyone else out of it.” The first and only prayer he’ll ever make. His life could be at destiny’s whim forever as long as the ones who fought for him didn’t get burned.

Ruby stood from her seat and knelt down, grabbing his hands and joining the prayer. All while Ghira watched silently from the entrance.

For several hours, It was out of everyone’s hands. A roll of the dice, luck of the draw, fate, gods, destiny, whatever anyone wanted to call it; that was the only thing left and no one dared to keep track of the time out of anxiety. It was a scary, humbling feeling for certain. It was also the purest reminder that life wasn’t fair. Bad things happen to good people, hard work is left with nothing, and sometimes… a sinner’s prayers get heard.

The doors flung open with Blake breathless. “Adam…” she panted, eyes bigger than the smile on her face. “She’s-” the tears shed caught her off guard. The two roses stared blankly before Adam stood. Blake moved out of the doorway and he took it as a sign. ‘Run.’ Adam ran and no one dared to stop him.

“Back room.” Blake said, walking to her father. Ruby got up as well and joined the two. Blake looked at the red faced girl. The feline giggled softly while wiping Ruby’s tears. “And here I thought I knew how big your heart was?”

Ruby laughed as she tried to stop sniffling. “It’s not what it looks like. Seeing him sit there with his demons like that, it reminded me of how my dad and uncle qrow used to look when mom was brought up. Sorry, got a little compromised.”

“Welcome to the club. Dad, sorry I-”

Ghira wrapped his arm around Blake. “Don’t apologize. I tell you to take things slow and yet I tried rushing to the end of this. I’m sorry. I can’t say what lies in store for Adam next, but I suppose…I’ll have to keep more of an open mind. He’s earned that much.”

Ruby shook her head and sighed. “If I’m being honest, personally I think everyone has been a bit silly. Including my lovable sis. You all make it sound like he’s been trouble free for six months when that isn’t the case. I can’t say if he’s been perfect or not but the fact that Remnant thinks he died at Argus has to mean something, right? I certainly can’t link him to any world threatening incidents since then. He’s been minding his business for a couple years now. Is locking him up really gonna change anything? I mean it wouldn’t matter if Cinder was in or out of jail for me. I’d still be wary and pissed. Your men’s feelings about him wouldn’t change because of a cell. But hey, that’s just me.”

Ruby put her hands behind her hand and walked off. “I’m gonna step out for a moment and make a call.” She looked out a window. To her surprise, the rain had stopped. Ruby dialed Yang’s number. “Hey sis! Beautiful day to start a family. So, what’s my precious little niece’s name?”

xxxx

Adam reached the back room and pushed the door open to find Jacquelyn in bed, startled by his entrance before giving him a grin. Her skin had a sickly yellow dinge to it and she was covered in sweat. Still she smiled, holding a small infant as doctors looked at vitals and did their work.

“Awe, have you been crying? I’m sorry. Guess we gave you a fright.”

One of the nurses looked at the maiden like she was crazy. “Ma’am you slipped into a coma. Please don’t try and move around much.”

“I was a little tired, that's all. Heh…guess we finally found something I’m not good at? That’s un- oh…” Adam put his arms around her and the baby. Odd, to think he could hold something this gently? His presence soothed her into leaning into the embrace, humming quietly to both him and the new arrival. A premature baby with red hair, and tiny horns.

The doctor, naturally sworn to confidentiality, watched from the sidelines. “I’d like to congratulate you with confidence, but these two aren’t out of the woods yet. While I expect Jacquelyn to bounce back with time, your daughter is pretty frail. We have her stable for the time being but the heart is a complex organ even when fully developed. We’re going to have to keep her for a while just to make sure she’ll grow up healthy. Rest assured, I will do everything in my power for her.”

“Thank you.” Adam looked at his daughter’s round face. She opened her eyes to reveal two pools or bright blue. “Hmmm.”

“Something wrong?” Jacquelyn asked.

“She’ll have a hard time, with these features going for her. I was hoping she’d look more like you.”

“Oh hush. She’s beautiful like this. Though maybe I am a little jealous she doesn’t have my hair. Still, real big fan of those eyes.” She kissed his cheek. “We’ll do our best and then some.”

The doctor pulled out some paperwork. “Now then, I’m going to need a name. Her record won’t be too expensive in terms of…background history, but she’ll need the basics as best as possible. Especially in her condition.”

“Wanna name her after your mother, or even your sister?”

Adam shook his head, “I think we already have enough namesakes. Let her be free from that. You decide. I was never really good at these kinds of things.”

“Oooo okay. Don’t come crying later if you think of a good one. A free spirited name for our little kid.” Jacquelyn giggled to herself. “Got it. How about we name her…”

“Hehe, That’s a perfect name.” The two roses spoke.

#rwby #adam taurus #jacquelyn frost #rwby au #blake belladonna #ruby rose #ghira belladonna #rwby shackles

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nikosarc · 3 years

Text

break my soul in two looking for you (but you’re right here)

hello here’s a silent knight drabble because i’m weak. pls be nice i’ve never written for neo and the last time i wrote for jaune was a thousand years ago, it’s not good but i did my best dammit. title comes from the song coney island by taylor swift.

It was getting a bit too crowded in the belly of this demon whale for Neo’s liking. Salem’s faction had already been larger than the mute girl had been anticipating. That in itself was irritating – going from Cinder’s partner to another cog in Salem’s machine, an “asset” didn’t sit right with Neo. Then came the young boy Salem called “Ozma.” Neo had to shut her ears and eyes to his torture on a daily basis. She’d give the kid this – his will was strong.

Next one of the guys she’d fought when she’d stolen the relic – which she still hasn’t gotten credit for by the way - the one with black hair she’d tricked by turning into the ginger girl. That had been entertaining for a brief moment, but he’d been alone so it made for an easy takedown. He was being held elsewhere – alive, for now as incentive to make the boy talk, but that could change given recent developments.

Recent developments being the newest addition to the whale. The blonde one. For some reason she’d pegged him as being smarter than his teammate. Neo was perceptive, it was her specialty, actually. She could tell the black-haired boy was weak mentally, emotionally, that was why she targeted him, and it was why, she’d wager, he came here impulsively looking for his kidnapped comrade and perhaps the relic.

She didn’t think anyone else would be stupid enough to follow, not alone anyways, but then came this one. He’d put up a better fight, but he couldn't take on even the lowest of Salem’s underlings, not by himself.

And she was his babysitter. Mercury was watching the other one and Hazel was probably keeping an eye on the child, probably eagerly awaiting his next approval to beat the kid to a pulp. And maybe they were delighting in their tasks, but Neo was bored. She couldn’t exactly tease or mouth off to him. Well, she could, but it wasn’t like he’d understand her. So they just...stared at each other. Or rather, she stared. He’d glance up at her with eyes full of contempt every so often but for the most part he seemed content to stare up at the ceiling or down in his lap. But she studied him with watchful eyes.

He was quiet, pensive. Probably thinking of an escape plan for himself and his comrades. He was a smart guy, surely he realized Salem didn’t need two reasons to convince the kid to talk. Kill one while he watches to show him her threat is serious; Oscar would be willing to do anything to protect the one left alive. Their window was closing fast, and he must realize that, but Neo also knew these boys had plenty of other friends who could come to their aid if they were stupid enough.

And attachments certainly had a way of making people stupid.

He was still as a statue for the most part, the only subtle movements he made every so often occurred when he rubbed the fabric of his scarlet sash between his fingers. The bright red stood out against the darkness of the rest of his outfit and the pristine white of his armor like a sore thumb. The longer she stared at it, the more a memory itched at the back of her mind.

A girl with fire-engine-red hair and a sash around her waist to match. She’d carried her team throughout the Vital tournament, Neo remembered, though she’d never gotten the pleasure of fighting her. She’d been Cinder’s pawn, the spark that would be used to ignite the world. She’d met her fate – her destiny – that night.

He was one of her teammates, the sash must have been hers. Neo wasn’t the only one who lost someone when Beacon fell, it seemed, and she wasn’t the only one who still carried a piece of them with her. The thought was enough to make the small woman unconsciously reach up, her fingers ghosting over the velvety brim of her hat – Roman's hat. She frowned, the color draining slightly from each of her heterochromatic eyes, and when she looked back up she was horrified to learn that the tables had turned. He was now staring at her. If the realization in his cerulean eyes was anything to go by, Neo would wager he’d put two and two together.

She glared at him, color and intensity returning to her eyes. She didn’t want his pity, and he sure as shit wasn’t getting any from her.

“You really cared about him, didn’t you?” His voice was hoarse – with emotion, misuse, or weariness, she couldn’t tell, nor did she care enough to find out.

Believing he wouldn’t understand her anyway, she answered via sign language. “He was my only friend” her scowl deepened as she went on. “And your friend killed him.”

His deep blue eyes shifted from moderate compassion to confusion to anger in a matter of moments. She didn’t register what that must mean until after he’d already said “Guess that makes us even, then” in a bitter voice.

Neo froze. A moment passed before she shook off her surprise and signed, “You understand me?”

Some of the anger left his eyes as he replied calmly, “My sister taught me a little.” He didn’t elaborate, and Neo found herself wanting to ask, but first she felt the need to defend herself.

“Cinder is not my friend.”

“Coulda fooled me.”

Neo frowned. “She’s not. We just want the same thing.”

He was silent for a moment. She could see him translating in his head but even after that there was a noticeable pause. “Revenge.” He nods, and Neo bristled slightly at the idea that this guy thinks he’s got her all figured out. “It won’t change anything. It won’t - won’t bring him back.”

Neo glared daggers at him. Maybe not, but it’s all I have left. She didn’t dare sign those words, but the look on his face told her that he was reading her like an open book, and she quickly looked away, not wanting to see the sympathy in his eyes. She didn’t want it – didn't deserve it. When she went to sleep at night, she had dreams about murdering his friend, why on earth would he look at her like that?

“And even if it did, Ruby didn’t kill him.”

She gave him a sharp look at that, and if looks could kill he’d already be dead. Did he think she was stupid? Some dumb little girl that didn’t know how to enact revenge properly? Ruby was the last person to see Roman alive before he died. Whatever happened up there, it was her fault he was gone.

“I know she’s my friend and I’m sure you think I’d say anything to defend her, but you can trust me when I say Ruby’s not like that. She’s all about protecting life, she’d never kill anyone.”

She scoffed at that. Trust me. Neo didn’t trust anyone – the only person she’d ever extended that courtesy to was dead. What had this golden-haired stranger with his earnest ocean eyes and sincere voice done to earn her trust?

There was silence for a moment and then, “From what she told me,” he began, sounding, for all accounts, like he was simply thinking out loud. “He got swallowed by a grimm.”

That statement hung in the air for a moment, the implications of that fact not lost on either of them. They both knew who controlled the grimm, and they both knew who was there that night that served her.

Neo had no reason to believe him – or Ruby. But an annoying voice in the back of her head reminded her that she had no reason to believe Cinder, either. She’s been here long enough to see how things – these people – worked. Salem wrapped her followers up in her honeyed words and grand promises. She was manipulative and Cinder was molded in her image.

Neo huffed and turned away from Jaune before crossing her arms. She didn’t want to think about this. She was fine where she was, she was on her way to getting what she wanted, who did this boy think he was to come in here and put doubts in her mind?

She could hear him shift behind her, getting up from his place on the ground she’d wager. She tensed, wondering if he was going to try and fight his way out again, but then he spoke gently. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, Neopolitan.” He called, and she uncrossed her arms, some of the anger leaving her.

She didn’t know what compelled her to do so, but she turned around and signed. “Just Neo.”

There was a pause, and he looked like he was thinking before he signed “I’m sorry, Neo.”

Neo blinked in surprise. All this time they’d been able to communicate because he understood her language – and that in itself was rare – but here he was reaching out to her using her language. The last person who’d bothered to do that for her was Roman.

What is this guy’s game?

He was playing her, he had to be. She’d thought he was planning an escape, and this must be it. Get inside her head, plant doubts so she’d slip up and let him go while he left her with the fallout when Salem inevitably found out. Well, Neo wasn’t stupid enough to fall for it. She marched up to him, her eyes vibrant and defiant as they glared at him defiantly. She stopped maybe a foot from him, glaring up at him, he was well over a foot taller than she was, but she didn’t care. “I know what you’re doing and it’s not gonna work.”

His eyes looked sad then, and she realized much to her chagrin that he felt sorry for her. “I can’t tell you what to do, Neo,” he said sincerely, and suddenly Neo could feel the fight leaving her. She deflated; her glare retreated leaving eyes that looked almost as sad as his. “But I can tell you that you deserve better than this place and these people.”

Their eyes met once more before he turned away from her, leaving Neo alone with her thoughts again.

Except the only thought that came to her was whether or not his inevitable escape attempt would be successful. Why she felt a tiny glimmer of hope in the back of her mind that he would be, she couldn’t say. Or didn’t want to.

#rwby #jaune arc #neopolitan #neo politan #silent knight #IS THERE A SPACE OR ISN'T THERE #rwby fic #au from episode 2 #i guess it could fit with current canon but not really bc i think neo left with cinder??#and also they're not alone so #idk what else to say about this it's weird and it's shitty but enjoy i guess???

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taeken-my-heart · 4 years

Text

Moirai Chapter 16

Summary: On your 18th birthday a name appears on your wrist. The name of your soulmate. It’s a momentous day that everyone looks forward to, but you’ve always brushed aside; refusing to believe in a fickle mistress called destiny. But what happens when on the morning of your 18th birthday you wake to find the name of your mortal enemy? Jeon Jungkook.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader Genre: Soulmates au/ Enemies to lovers au. Angst, fluff, bickering, romance, eventual smut.

Word Count: 7995

NOTES: This is THE chapter so buckle in. You’re welcome and also…I’m sorry, hahahaha.

Also, thank you so, so much to @johobi and @hobios for helping me with the draft of the smut scene. Your thoughts and critiques helped me so much and I’m really grateful!

You weren’t sure if people could smell like bus, but if they could then you most certainly did. An hour bus ride home with a small overnight bag was uncomfortable enough, but the guy next to you fell asleep about half way through and your shoulder became his unfortunate pillow.

He wheezed in his sleep and you’d tried to wriggle your way from underneath him but he was much bigger and heavier than you and if you wriggled too much the bushy red beard attached to his face would have made its way into your own.

Your dad was at the bus station waiting for you when you arrived. The sleeping man had yawned and stretched as if he hadn’t just been invading your personal space for the better part of 30 minutes before standing and disembarking.

You smiled at your father in relief as he waved from beside the car before making your way over, slinging your bag over your shoulder.

“Hey dad.” You smiled, giving him a big hug and he squeezed the air right out of your lungs with a laugh.

“It’s been too long, baby girl!” He grinned, ruffling your hair and you frowned.

“You should know to never touch a woman’s hair.” You huffed.

“Your mom likes it.” He shrugged with a wink and you grimaced.

“Ew, dad, too much information.”

The car was stuffy with late summer heat but your dad turned the ac on quickly and put the car in reverse. The scenery was all mostly as you remembered; the suburbs didn’t really change much, it seemed. A new house here and there, a restaurant you’d never seen before, but otherwise it seemed trapped in time.

It was comforting and a little unnerving all at the same time. You felt like you were traveling back in time with a fresh set of eyes. A strange sense of déjà vu settled over you; like suddenly you had a do over.

“Once we get home we’ve gotta get ready to go over to the rehearsal. Your mom and sister are already over there helping set some things up.”

“Sure,” you nodded, “I’ll just drop my bag in my old room and we can go straight from there.”

Your bedroom looked different these days. The bedding was the same and there were still some of your old awards and pictures hanging on the walls, but most of the things that gave a room personality and injected the feeling of being lived in had been removed when you’d gone off to college.

You really hadn’t been back to this bedroom much in the last 12 years. Between your bachelor’s degree, medical school, and now working in the city, you hadn’t had the time or even the inclination. Besides, you’d moved in with Jimin not long after the two of you had started dating so it hadn’t made sense to go back home at that point.

You dropped your bag on your bed, the blanket looking as though it hadn’t been used since the day you’d moved out. You didn’t have time to examine anything further or feel nostalgic so you left your room quickly, heading back out to the car where your dad was waiting.

The wedding venue was large and bright; much like your sister. You could see her at the front of the dining hall, directing someone who was hanging fairy lights from the ceiling and looking beautiful in her daisy yellow sundress and white sandals. You felt underdressed in your jeans and tank top, but you’d only brought one other outfit and that involved sweatpants, so beggars couldn’t be choosers.

“Oh, Y/N, there you are!” Your mother called and Ella switched her gaze to you, smile growing as she ran to you. You were surprised she didn’t break an ankle in those shoes, but she’d always been the more graceful of the two of you.

“You made it!” She squealed, jumping up and down and you giggled into her hair as you clung tightly back. “I mean, of course I knew you would, but I’m so glad you’re here!”

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world!” You grinned, hugging your mom as she came to greet you. “So, where do you need me?”

“We’re almost done, actually.” Ella said, sweeping her hair over her shoulder and looking far prettier than was reasonable while doing so. “Michael is just with the caterer now making sure everything over there is sorted. We’re going to start the rehearsal as soon as Mindy gets here. She’s helping the florist bring the last of the roses.”

“Sounds pricey.” You grinned and your father clutched at his heart.

“Let’s not talk about it.”

Mindy made her way in a few minutes later, long blonde hair piled on her head in a messy bun that she made look classy and a large bouquet of red roses clutched in her hands. She’d been Ella’s best friend since beauty school and even though she was a little ditzy and filled with a few too many giggles, she was really nice and super loyal.

“Hello!” She greeted enthusiastically, placing the bouquet down on a nearby table and blowing a strand of hair from her face. “It’s so nice to see you again!”

She gasped, running to give you a hug and you smiled, patting her back gently.

“It’s nice to see you too, Mindy. How have you been?”

“So good!” She smiled, “just doing hair and dating cute boys.” She giggled again and you smiled, squeezing her arm.

“Sounds like fun.”

Ella’s wedding planner called everyone over, directing people to their places and the rest of the rehearsal went smoothly. The rehearsal dinner included the whole wedding party as well as the Jeon’s because they’d always felt like family anyway.

Jungkook had just arrived shortly before dinner started and he’d sat with Michael and his groomsmen so you hadn’t had much of a chance to talk. Not that you had anything to say, anyway. You’d stepped into a weird part of your relationship that you weren’t sure how to navigate.

You didn’t hate him anymore, but you wouldn’t call him a friend, either. It was like awkward teenage stumbling’s when you’re first trying to get to know your crush. You hated it a little bit.

The end of the night brought with it warm goodbyes and promises to see each other tomorrow afternoon. You were filled with laughter, good food, and a little bit too much wine, but you were excited for the morning.

Ella had decided to spend the last night of her single life back in her childhood bedroom and the two of you giggled and talked late into the evening before retiring to bed. You felt good and warm, wrapped up in the blankets of your childhood bed, but happy memories can only hold off the bad for so long and soon you were drifting to sleep with the thought of Jimin’s smiling face and a plus one spot that was now empty.

The silent ache in your chest was persistent. As the sun crept through your old bedroom window and across your bed you sighed, staring up at the soft white curtains and chewing on your thumb nail. This was not how you’d imagined yourself feeling on the morning of your little sister’s wedding. You should have been overcome with happiness for her, but all you could feel was misery.

Sad that in the end, a man you’d loved so deeply, who had professed his own love for you, had decided that he did suddenly believe in soulmates. What was worse was that you understood and were now going to be stuck at a table with your own soulmate for who knows how many hours feeling sad, uncomfortable, and every other emotion that was far from joy on your sister’s big day.

You felt selfish; ruminating in the mess that was your current situation. You could hear the faint shuffling sounds of feet on the other side of your door and you listened softly as someone stepped into the bathroom, turning on the fan as they closed the door.

It wasn’t doing you any good just laying here, you weren’t going to fall asleep with such heavy thoughts so, heaving a sigh, you stood and trudged your way downstairs and to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.

You were going to need the caffeine to even pretend that you were happy about anything this morning. Just as the button clicked off and you were removing the pot from its base you heard shuffling in the hallway behind you.

“You’re up early!” Your sister remarked as she stepped into the kitchen.

“So are you.” You mumbled over the rim of your cup. Too bitter. Where was the cream?

“I couldn’t sleep,” she gushed, “I’m just too excited. I can’t believe the day is finally here!”

You nodded, staring into the swirling amber of your cup as you placed it carefully on the counter top. “Yeah, it came crazy fast.”

“It’s amazing how this time last year Michael and I didn’t even know each other.” She hummed excitedly and you smiled softly at her.

“Life changes so quickly, right?”

“It seriously does! One minute you’re wondering whether or not you even have a damn soulmate and the next thing you know he’s there, completing your life in a way you never thought possible.” She looked at you and as if suddenly realizing what she was saying she looked down sheepishly at her hands. “I mean, not that you can’t be complete without someone, of course.” She mumbled lamely and you smiled.

“It’s ok,” you murmured, “I get it.”

“This is all such bad timing for you.” She frowned, “I’m so sorry, this must be really hard.”

“Don’t be sorry!” You sighed, stepping around the island to grab her hand. “Yeah, my life isn’t exactly how I imagined it but that should have no bearing on your big day. Today is all about you and Michael, it’s a really special time when you get to marry your soulmate. We should be celebrating it, not thinking about me.”

“I know,” she said softly, “but I feel bad. The Jeon’s are going to be at the table with us, Y/N, and you’re just expected to sit there with him and watch your little sister marry her soulmate while your own is…anyway. It’s just not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” you smiled sadly, “but we can either give up, lay down and die, or we can decide to be happy no matter what.”

“You have such a good attitude.” She said, lip trembling, “I’m not nearly as strong as you.”

“I’m afraid that strength comes from pain and I would never wish that on you. I hope you stay innocent and happy forever.” You grinned, pulling her into your arms and hugging her tight.

“I love you, Y/N, thank you for being here with me and helping me through this. It means a lot to me.”

“You’re my sister,” you replied, pulling back to look at her, “literally nothing could have stopped me.”

“Well, let me do something for you then. I want to do your hair and makeup!”

“Oh no, not on your wedding day!” You insisted. Your sister had gone on to become a very talented hair dresser and under normal circumstances you would never hesitate to allow her to fix the rat’s nest on top of your head, but not on her special day.

“I insist. Besides, I’m the bride so I can do what I want and I want to do your hair. I can’t have you disgracing my pictures with something simple just because you don’t know what you’re doing.” She teased and you grinned.

“Well, when you put it like that, it seems it would be rude to refuse.”

“Exactly!”

One hairstyle and your beautiful lavender maid of honor dress later, you were on your way to the venue with your mother and sister, your father insisting he’d help the groom with picking up his tux from the rental place. Your sister was lavish, her fiancé was not. She’d shuddered at the idea of a rental tuxedo but he had insisted.

After Ella had applied some simple makeup to your face, you’d stepped in to help your sister with her own. Not that she needed any help. Beauty school had taught her enough that she knew her way around a makeup kit.

The pews filled up quickly and Michael stood waiting, looking like the nervous groom he was. Ella was beautiful as she walked forward, a vision of white satin and lace. It was a bittersweet feeling, watching your younger sister marry; but you were proud to say you cried for all the right reasons.

Ella had hired a big band to play at the reception and they started off with an upbeat tempo jazz song that had people jumping up to dance. You grabbed a glass of champagne from one of the passing waiters, taking a deep breath and heading to your table. Jungkook was the only one sat there currently, both his parents and yours swinging eagerly to the beat in the middle of the fray.

You took your seat, which had of course been put right next to his, and took a careful sip of your drink. “They’re a beautiful couple.” Jungkook said and you nodded, humming.

“Yeah, they look good together.”

He turned to look at you, vision trailing slowly across your face and you resisted the urge to shiver. The pull towards him had been stronger recently, an inexplicable need to be close to him burned in your chest. You’d never heard of this sort of thing before; the burn of needing to be with your soulmate.

You’d always been told that you had the freedom to choose, that you would never be forced to be with your soulmate. No one ever told you it would hurt to not be with him, though. The ache that Jimin had left behind was becoming easier to bear but only because the pain of seeing Jungkook and not having him was somehow just as bad.

“You look beautiful, by the way.” He murmured softly. You looked over at him, leaning his forearms against the table and staring down at his fingers locked together.

“Thank you.” You mumbled. Clearing your throat, you looked away awkwardly, “you look handsome.”

You could see the heat in Jungkook’s face without having to look directly at him. His foot began to bounce awkwardly beneath the white linen table topper and you took a few large gulps of your drink to squash your nerves.

You weren’t even really sure why you were nervous in the first place. You’d known Jungkook all your life, seen him at his absolute worst and he’d seen yours too. There was no good reason for you to feel any nervous fluttering in the pit of your stomach. But it was there all the same.

Jungkook downed the rest of his drink before standing and turning to face you. “I would really like to dance with you…if you would let me.”

You looked up at him, smiling softly. “You know I’m a terrible dancer, I’d have to have a lot more champagne in me to set foot on that floor.”

“That can be done!” Jungkook insisted, holding his hands out in front of him to signal you wait before darting off to the open bar.

He returned a few minutes later with a small tray of liquor; two flutes of champagne and six shots of what you assumed was vodka. “To loosen us up,” Jungkook signaled to the shots, “and to chase down the taste.” A head nod at the champagne.

You chuckled, grabbing one of the shots and clinking it against his own before you both threw them back, hissing at the burn. “This stuff is awful.” He wheezed, eyes watering.

Nodding your agreement, you coughed. “It does the job.”

Two more shots down and one empty champagne flute later, you were feeling much less tension in your shoulders. The only thing that could have made it better was taking off your shoes and the relatively uncomfortable dress you were currently locked in. But even in your mildly inebriated condition you had enough decorum to know that was not cool at your sister’s wedding.

“Ok!” Jungkook said, slapping his hands together and startling you, “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling way more inclined to dance.” He stood, holding out his hand to you and waiting, confidently, as though he knew you better than you did and was sure you would say yes.

Maybe he did know you better.

You took his hand, allowing him to pull you up and into the swaying bodies as the band began a slow song and then you were sinking into his chest, one hand wrapped around his shoulder and the other held securely in his own.

“You look really beautiful.” He said and you smiled.

“You told me.”

“I wanted to tell you again.” He said softly, “you should be told you’re beautiful every day.”

“Wow,” you chuckled, staring down at your feet, “did you swallow a romance novel or something?”

“No,” he grinned, “the alcohol is just making my tongue loose; spilling all the words I’ve been meaning to say.”

“Thank you, Jungkook.” You mumbled.

“Well now you should tell me I look beautiful too.” He smiled and you laughed loudly.

“Oh, the alcohol really is loosening your tongue.”

Jungkook grinned, “Come on now.”

“You look beautiful, Jungkook.” You smiled.

“Thank you.” He said softly, looking down at you. You wanted to look away, his gaze felt too intimate, but you couldn’t. Brown eyes pulled you right into their center, scorching you.

His hand in the center of your back was too warm, tightening and pulling you closer to his chest. You could see everything up close, the small scar on his cheek, long eyelashes blinking down at you, and a perfect cupid’s bow that for some strange reason, you couldn’t take your eyes off of.

The music had faded into the background, the people all but disappearing. Your head felt fuzzy and light and you watched in a daze as Jungkook’s eyes flickered from yours and down to your lips. It was so quick you almost didn’t notice.

“Can we talk in private?” He whispered before pulling you gently from the reception hall and around the corner. You could feel the alcohol sloshing around in your veins as you trailed after him into a vacant hallway.

Leaning up against the wall you watched him as he rubbed at his chin and into his hair, pacing the floor in front of you. 12 years really had done him so much good. He’d been a good-looking young man in high school, but age had made him devastatingly handsome and there was no way you could deny it.

“I’m not completely sober,” Jungkook started, “in fact I’m a little past tipsy, I’ll admit. I know my mind, though, and I’ve had you on it constantly for…well right now I can’t remember how long, but ask me again when I’m sober. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I want a chance to make things right, to be the man that you deserve. I want a chance to be in your life and to be important to you.”

“Jungkook, of course you’re important to me,” you started, but he lurched forward, crowding you against the wall and you looked up at him as he pushed your hair from your face.

“You don’t understand,” he whispered, “I feel like I can’t breathe without you. I feel so tied to you, like a marionette doll, all you have to do is tell me to dance. Being without you has started to hurt, and I don’t just mean like a broken heart. My whole-body aches when I’m away from you and it aches when I’m with you because in the end, I’m not really with you, am I? You still hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.” You murmured. “I’m afraid of you.”

“Afraid of me?” He questioned, eyebrows meeting.

“I’m afraid of the power you hold over me, how easy it could be for you to become my entire world and then shatter it; even worse than the last time. I’ve spent 12 years trying to forget the you-shaped hole you left in my heart. You’re not the only one aching, Jungkook.”

And just like that, the world caught fire, fingers sliding home into your hair as he pulled your lips against his. It was like a shot to the gut, an electric shock running through your veins. If you’d craved him before, you downright needed him now.

His mouth moved heatedly against yours, breathing you in as you wrapped your arms around his neck and his hands traveled down your back and over the curve of your backside, squeezing the supple flesh in his hands to elicit a much-appreciated groan.

You knew you should stop him, tell him that you were probably going too fast. There was a lot you needed to talk about and there was a lot of hurt that needed to be healed, but, honestly, you wanted him too.

This kiss felt different from others. It was filled with an undercurrent that was building, building, building from your stomach and spreading like water through your chest. It was too powerful how right it felt, his lips moving steadily against yours and his fingertips running along your lower back.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to kiss you.” He breathed, sliding his lips along your throat and kissing down to your clavicle. He sucked a bruise into the juncture of your neck and shoulder and you gasped, sliding your fingers into his hair. “To hold you.” A kiss against your cheek, “to touch you.” His lips pressed to your other cheek. “To just be with you.”

“In the biblical sense or the romantic sense?”

“All of the above.” He whispered against your lips before sliding his tongue back into your mouth and pushing you further against the wall. You felt him through his dress pants as he pushed his hips into yours and you felt like you’d been electrified.

Dizzy with desire, you pulled him closer to you, groaning into his mouth. “As much as I’m enjoying this, this isn’t exactly a private area.”

Jungkook pulled back slightly, looking around. “You’re right. Where can we go?”

“We can’t drive. Honestly, I’m pretty tipsy right now.”

“Me too.” Jungkook nodded, kissing along your jaw. “Let’s take a taxi.”

“Where?” You mumbled, kissing his chin softly.

“My parents’ place.”

You knew you shouldn’t, that you were very close to drunk and you’d likely regret it when you were sober again, but his lips on your body left you feeling even drunker than the alcohol.

His childhood bedroom was one you hadn’t seen since you were children, though you still barely saw it now as you were too busy stripping him of his suit and tie.

He was muscular, and you eyed him greedily wondering when he even had the time to work out with his schedule. You tried to run your hands down his stomach but he batted you away as he tugged your dress from your body and dropped it on the floor, pushing you down into the mattress.

“Eager?” You grinned and he looked up at you, gaze heavy.

“Like you wouldn’t even believe.”

You watched as he slowly undid his belt, eyes locked with yours before dropping it on the floor with a clink and returning to his zipper. He pulled it slowly down, pushing the fabric over his hips and onto the floor before stepping out of them and shucking them to the side.

“I like your Mario boxers.” You teased and he smirked.

“You’ve got a smart mouth.”

He leaned over you, kissing your lips before trailing a path down your chest and to the center of your breasts, fingers playing with your nipples through the lacy fabric of your bra. You sighed, eyes fluttering shut and back arching further into the warmth of his hand.

Jungkook moved his fingers behind you, pulling at the strap and slipping your bra from you, dropping it to the ground. He stared down at your chest; eyes wild with lust. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered, before kissing a path across it, over your nipple and to the other side before taking your nipple and sucking it between his lips.

“Oh!” You gasped, fingers digging into his shoulders and he nipped at your peaked flesh before kissing his way down to the line of your panties, rubbing his nose down the center and inhaling deeply.

You took a deep shuddering breath, watching as he placed a kiss and you shivered. There was no way you were going to survive this night.

Kissing his way to the waistband of your panties, he grabbed the fabric between his teeth and began to pull it from your hips. The tip of his nose had fire licking down your leg as it grazed your skin and you took a deep breath as he dropped your underwear over the side of the bed and returned to the middle of your legs.

“Open, please.” Jungkook murmured, pushing your legs apart gently before planting a kiss against your mound and you whined, heart racing.

His tongue flicked out, pushing through the seam of your lips and your hips lurched forward into the warmth of his mouth. He delved in further, holding your legs spread wide as he licked and sucked against your entrance, lips wrapping around your clit with a tug and you whined loudly.

He hoisted himself back over your face, flushed and panting and grinned. “Take off your boxers.” You said, watching as he happily complied, pulling the offending garment from his hips and dropping it to the ground with the rest of the clothes.

You wanted to pout at the sight. Jungkook was truly built to make all other men pale in comparison. He was impressive from his head to his toes and the thick appendage standing proudly between his legs was no different.

“Ready?” He asked, body crowding over yours in the bed and you nodded, feeling him prod your entrance with a whimper.

Jungkook wrapped his fingers around your thigh, pulling it high on his hip before pushing slowly into you. You gasped, skin tingling as he stretched your walls, Jungkook breathing into the side of your neck and kissing wet against your shoulder as his hips became flush with yours.

“Let me make you feel good.” He whispered, pulling out slightly before pushing back in and your whole body shuddered.

He swallowed your moans with his lips as he began to thrust shallowly, hand coming to greet your left nipple with a soft graze.

“Please.” You whimpered.

“What do you want? I’ll give it to you.” He whispered, nose skimming your cheek.

“Everything.”

You could feel his back flexing under the tips of your fingers and you ran your hands across his shoulders and into his raven hair, pulling gently.

He grunted, sucking on your bottom lip and thrusting a little harder and you shivered from pleasure.

“Jungkook.” You gasped, one hand clinging to the sheets beneath you as he pushed you further into the mattress with his hips.

“Say it again.” He murmured. “Say my name.”

“Jungkook.”

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say my name like that.” He panted, grinding his hips into yours.

“I didn’t know you ever thought of me.” You crooned, wrapping your other leg around his hip and lifting yours to meet his thrusts.

“You’ve been on my mind for years.” He admitted, kissing from the inside of your elbow to your shoulder. “Have you ever thought of me?”

You gasped as he hit a spot particularly deep inside you and ground against it. “Sometimes.” You admitted, seeking out his mouth and drowning in his taste.

“Can I go a little harder?” He whispered and you huffed a sigh against his lips as he swiveled his hips.

“Yes, please.”

He lifted himself up on the palms of his hands, pushing the hair from your face, “I wanna see your beautiful face when you cum.”

You blushed, body shivering at the notion just as he picked up speed, thrusting deeply into your center with groans and hisses of your name. You could already feel your orgasm building all the way down to your toes and the intensity scared you a little, but you could barely think about it as he kissed you sloppily, grabbing each rounded cheek of your backside and using it to grind himself heavily against your clit.

Your heart was beating wildly in your chest, fingertips tingling as something began to build in your chest. It was like nothing you’d ever felt before; an intense connection, a need to stay right here, with him. You could feel it around your heart, like a lasso, tethering you to him and it should have scared you, but in this moment, you realized you were falling for him.

You’d tried so hard to protect yourself from him, but no one had ever told you about this feeling; this need to be his and to have him in return. Jungkook kissed up the column of your throat, lips meeting yours once again as he gripped onto your thighs, pushing himself even harder into your center and you could barely see straight.

“Jungkook!” you moaned, body twitching. “You feel amazing.”

“So do you.” He choked, running a hand back down your chest and squeezing, “I’m not going to last much longer.” He huffed, breath stuttering against your cheek as he kissed it.

“Me too.” You admitted, running your hands down his back and across his thighs to curve under his ass and help him to thrust in harder.

Your skin felt hot, like sun baked cement in the middle of summer and you could feel your body starting to shiver in pleasure. Your toes curled, gasps of Jungkook’s name leaving your lips as he thrust in harder, and harder, and harder until you felt an explosion, traveling all the way up into your chest and out your fingertips as you called out his name.

You squeezed your eyes shut and saw only him behind tear filled lashes. Jungkook groaned one last time before shattering and painting your walls white. He shivered and slumped, laying still on top of you.

Just as your breathing steadied, he curled his arm beneath your neck, pulling your lips to his and kissing the life back into you, tongue swiping greedily against yours and you kissed him with just as much vigor.

“I’ll be right back.” He murmured, pulling from you with a wince before leaving the room and going into the hallway. You took a deep breath, shaky fingers pushing through your hair as you listened to him shuffling around in the bathroom.

A few moments later he returned, wet cloth in his hands and he kneeled between your legs. “Here, let me help you.” He said softly, and you watched, heart pounding as he cleaned gingerly between your thighs.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” You murmured softly after he’d tossed the rag onto his old computer desk and he nodded, sitting back on the bed.

After peeing and washing your hands you stared at your reflection. Aside from sex mussed hair, a few hickeys, and kiss bitten lips, you didn’t look any different. You felt different, though. The connection was stronger and you could feel it in your bones.

Your heart felt so full, but the pain was still there, buried somewhere in the fog of a love you hadn’t realized had started building. You wrapped your arms around yourself tightly before sighing and making your way back to the bedroom.

Jungkook was still sat on the bed, staring down at his hands when you entered. He looked up at you, cheeks flushed with emotion (and probably some residual champagne). “Please don’t leave.” He whispered. “Stay the night with me.”

You paused, biting your bottom lip before nodding and padding over to him, bending down and kissing him quickly. “Scoot over, then.”

He smiled, pulling the covers back before scooting next to the wall and you curled into his side, shivering as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling your body flush with his. He looked down at you, pushing the hair away from your face and cupping your cheek. “Thank you.” He said.

“You’re welcome.” You smiled softly. He leaned down, kissing you gently.

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night.”

The first thing you noticed when you woke was the pounding in your head. One too many flutes of champagne could do that to a woman. The next was the definite presence of a weight across your waist and someone’s chest pressed to your back.

You tried not to whimper as you squeezed your eyes shut tighter. Perhaps if you didn’t open your eyes, none of this would be real. A soft sigh greeted the skin of your neck, a nose running along the column and you shivered.

Glancing over your shoulder, you noted that Jungkook was still asleep and you heaved a sigh of relief. At least you didn’t have to discuss what happened right this second. You weren’t even sure yourself.

Of course, you remembered what happened, how every taste and touch was like fire, consuming you. You remembered the rush of endorphins, the feeling of all-consuming love. But now that you were sober and the sun was casting light over the fog of your thoughts, you mostly felt fear.

Building a relationship on lust alone wasn’t healthy or possible and so far, that’s really all the two of you had together. The feelings had been strong in the moment, but without even a basic friendship to build on, you knew this would only end in more heart break.

So, you steeled yourself, slipping carefully from his grasp and dressing quickly. You glanced back at him, still sleeping soundly, hand splayed across the space where your body had been, before closing the door and walking softly down the stairs.

“Oh, Y/N, I didn’t know you were here!” You gasped, spinning to face the kitchen, clutching at your heart and looking at Mrs. Jeon who stood by the counter with a coffee in her hands. She smiled at you, a knowing look in her eyes and you wanted to shrivel up and die.

“I-I-I, yeah, I’m actually going now, though.”

“You should stay for a coffee. I’m sure Jungkook will be up soon.”

“I’m sure he will be.” You nodded, playing with a string at the side of your dress.

“Everyone deserves a second chance; don’t you think dear?” She asked suddenly and you looked up at her, cheeks flushing with shame.

“I suppose it depends on what’s been done.” You mumbled lamely, not daring to meet her gaze.

There was a soft lull in the conversation before she continued, “that boy really cares about you, you know. I can see you care about him too. I know there’s a lot of pain in the past, but being allowed to move on from it would be good for you both.”

You could hear hurried steps from the floor above you and you looked up in alarm. “I need to go!” You said, walking quickly to the door just as you heard Jungkook call your name from the top of the stairs.

You rushed down the front steps and made a run for it across the garden before heavy footfall and your name were greeting you once more.

“Wait!” Jungkook called, wrapping his fingers around your forearm and forcing you to a stop, a whimper falling from your lips. “Where are you going?” His eyes screamed desperation and you couldn’t look at him.

“I need to go.” You mumbled, flinching as he reached out for your face, stroking a thumb down the side of your cheek.

“Where? Can’t we talk first?”

“I need to go home. I have work tomorrow.” You insisted, a little firmer.

“So do I. Don’t do this, Y/N, don’t run from me. We were both there last night, I know that you felt it too. It wasn’t just sex; it was more than that and you know it. It was like being completed; two pieces of the puzzle finally being put back together.”

“I’m not a broken puzzle, Jungkook!” You shouted and he took a step back in surprise. “Why does everyone treat you like you’re broken if you’re not with your soul mate? I just broke up with the man I thought I was going to marry; I’m vulnerable. That’s the only reason last night even happened.”

Jungkook’s face shuddered, bleeding emotion as he looked down at the ground. You realized belatedly that he was only wearing a pair of baggy grey sweatpants, as though he’d dressed in a hurry. Your heart clenched at the thought.

The grass poked out from between his toes and he sighed, a deep, mournful sound. “Are you ever going to forgive me?” He whispered.

You were trying to protect your heart, but at this point it seemed so futile. Just walking away from him was breaking it more than you’d expected. “I need to go home.” You said. “I’ll see you at work.”

Your apartment felt so empty when you returned. No Jimin to help you fill the darkened corners. You’d packed in a hurry, throwing whatever you’d brought with you back into your bag, doing your best to avoid your parents’ questions about where you’d been all night.

They’d find out at some point, anyway. You knew Mrs. Jeon wouldn’t keep this to herself for long. For years Jungkook had been “the bad guy” and now it was you and you couldn’t face it.

Guilt clawed at your insides the entire trip back and now, standing in your doorway, you decided that instead of facing any of your responsibilities, you would hide from them. Burrowing under the covers of your bed, reaching out for Jimin’s old pillow and clutching it to your chest, you cried.

You hadn’t exactly been lying when you told Jungkook you were vulnerable, sleeping with him was a rebound in a way…but it was also so much more than that.

You hated to admit it, but he was wearing away at your steely exterior. Chipping at the ice that had covered your heart when he’d rejected you all those years ago.

There was a part of you that feared if you pushed him away too much, you’d miss out again. A man could only take so much rejection before he gave up entirely. Another part of you wondered why that was something you were afraid of.

You’d both grown up; changed, and now Jungkook seemed so ready to just dive head first into the deep end. You couldn’t forget, though. You couldn’t let go. It was foolish, but the snub still burned bright in your memory and him wanting you now didn’t change the fact that back when it really counted; he hadn’t.

The doorbell ringing made your muscles stiffen. Had Jungkook followed you to your apartment? Was it Jimin; had he left something behind?

You stood slowly, apprehension building in your chest, and made your way to peer through the peephole of the door.

Lizzy was stood there, grin wide and arms flailing in a wave. You opened the door, peering at her curiously. “What are you doing here?”

“Did you forget?” She asked, not even bothering to pause before walking straight into your apartment and removing her bag. “You told me to come over at this time before you left for the wedding. Said you’d be back by now. Guess you’re a pretty accurate measure of time but not so much in the memory department.”

“Oh.” You said softly, closing the door. Lizzy threw her bag over the back of one of your chairs and turned to look at you, eyebrows meeting in the center of her forehead.

“Something happened.” She stated matter of factly and you knew it was no longer a secret you could keep. To be honest, you really needed someone to confide in right now.

“Yeah.” You nodded, “Did you want anything to drink?” You motioned lamely at the kitchen. Lizzy only shook her head, grabbing your hand and pulling you to the couch.

“Spill the beans.” She said, folding her legs crisscross once she’d sat down.

You sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “I haven’t been honest with you the last few months. I hope when I tell you why you’ll be understanding.” Lizzy’s brows furrowed deeper together, but she said nothing, waiting for you to continue.

“I’m a pretty private person about my past; I don’t really like to talk about it because it hurts…but I can’t really hide it anymore, you’re bound to find out at some point and I’d rather it come from me.”

You slowly pulled up the sleeve of your sweater, displaying your wrist to your friend and watched as her lips parted in surprise.

“Jeon Jungkook? Dr. Jeon?”

You nodded and waited for the storm, but Lizzy only frowned. “Oh…wow. Ok, but I still don’t understand what the good doctor has to do with your past.”

Pulling your sleeve down, you linked your fingers together in your lap, pursing your lips in thought. “I’ve known Jungkook all my life. Our mothers have been best friends since elementary school and moved into the same neighborhood when they got married. We were practically raised together. For the first 18 years of my life I saw Jungkook nearly every day. We were friends as children but then drifted apart. He entered that mean little boy stage, you know what I mean.”

Lizzy nodded and you continued, “Anyway, we drifted apart for years but always acted like we were friends in front of our parents, didn’t want our moms to feel bad. He grew up to be really handsome and popular and all the girls wanted a piece, even my sister. They started getting really close and Jungkook had his birthday, got his tattoo but didn’t say anything. My birthday was 2 months later and when his name appeared on my wrist, I felt like I’d been punched.”

“He’d been pursuing my sister, acting like my name wasn’t there on his wrist. I confronted him and even after all of that I was still willing to make it work, he’s my soulmate after all. He didn’t want to, though. So, we cut ties, graduated high school, went to different colleges and didn’t see each other again until he started working at the hospital.”

“Wow.” Lizzy breathed and you nodded, frowning.

“It gets worse.”

“What happened?” She asked, eyes wide.

“We had sex last night.” You admitted; the words bitter on your tongue.

“Oh!” Lizzy gasped and you could already feel tears stinging at the corners of your eyes.

“We were both tipsy and I was still heartbroken over Jimin and he just kept talking about how he wanted another chance to prove himself; that he’s not 18 anymore and we just got carried away.”

“What was it like?” Lizzy asked carefully, “sex with your soulmate?”

“Fireworks.” You cried, “There are no words to describe it. It felt like going your whole life thinking you’re content only to find out you’ve been missing a giant hole in the center of your heart and now it’s been filled and you’re complete and in fact it’s spilling over the edges and there’s just so much love that you can’t possibly hold it all so it just goes to every corner or your body until you think you might burst.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“I’m terrified!” You wailed. “He’s been my enemy for the better part of 20 years and now I feel like I can’t breathe without him and I’m afraid. Aside from the brief moment of the initial rejection, I’ve never felt like I was an incomplete person but now I know what it’s like to have him and without him I feel the broken pieces of my soul shattering again.”

“So, the solution seems fairly clear to me. You guys need to be together. I can’t deny that I’m insanely jealous. Honestly, really, really envious. Not only do you know who your soulmate is, but he’s criminally hot.”

“It’s not that easy.” You sniffled, wiping at your nose.

“Why not?”

“Because we have history, Lizzy, and not a very happy one. It’s a lot to try to work through.” You frowned, throwing your hands up in frustration.

“So then work through it.” Lizzy deadpanned.

“But then he gets what he wants. He always gets what he wants. He didn’t want a soulmate so I left him alone and now that he wants me, I’m supposed to just give in?” You soured.

“You sound really vindictive right now. You said your past was painful which means the rejection hurt. You were willing to try back then, what’s changed?”

“Why does he always get to win? He deserves to feel some pain too!” You complained.

“So, you’re holding a grudge?”

“No!” You insisted childishly.

“Really? Because it sounds like you are to me. He was a kid back then, probably scared out of his mind. He was staring his future right in the face and probably wasn’t ready for the responsibility. He’s a fully-grown man now, more established in the world and he’s realized what he threw away all those years ago. Don’t you think people can change?” She asked, frowning at you and you felt more ashamed than before.

“Of course.” You admitted softly.

“What you and Jimin had was beautiful and healthy and despite that, he was willing to push it all aside because his soulmate changed his world. He didn’t even believe in soulmates! Doesn’t that say something?”

“Please don’t talk about him.” You bit out and Lizzy sighed.

“I’m just saying. You have an opportunity at love again, and this time it’s the real thing, as real as it gets. Are you really willing to throw it all away because you can’t let go of something an 18-year-old boy did 12 years ago? Really?”

“He broke my heart, Lizzy.” You murmured, the tears starting all over again as you picked at the fraying edges of your second hand couch.

“And that sucks, it really does and I’m sorry about it…but tell me, how do you feel right now? Now that he’s changed his mind and you’re running away instead? Be honest with me.”

You paused, lip trembling before you choked out a soft cry, “Now I feel like I’ve broken my own heart.”

“Do yourself a favor, Y/N, let yourself fall in love with him. You deserve to be happy.”

“What if he breaks my heart again?” You whispered.

“He’s a man, he’s probably going to make you cry a few times over your life time; it’s just what men do. If a soulmate’s love is really all they say it is, though…it’s worth it.”

You huffed, rubbing at your face and Lizzy smiled, “Just think about it, hmm?” When you nodded, she stood, going back to her bag and reaching into the pocket, pulling out a DVD. “You up for a movie?”

“Sure, I could use the distraction.” Tomorrow was back to work and you assumed that you’d have to deal with Jungkook. You weren’t sure how, but somehow Lizzy had to be right, somehow, it had to be worth it. People wouldn’t keep seeking out their soulmates and living seemingly blissful lives if it weren’t worth it. Right?

I hope you enjoyed this long awaited chapter! Let me know what you think! <3

Chapter 15

Chapter 17 (Finale)

#btsbookclub #jungkook scenario #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff

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sokkastyles · 3 years

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Thanks for asking! I realize I never elaborated on the Jet/Zuko parallels so here goes.

Season one Zuko/Jet are both extremists, though on opposite sides of the war. Zuko will stop at nothing to capture the Avatar. Jet will stop at nothing to rid the world of the Fire Nation. Zuko is the fallen prince, while Jet is the war orphan, both trying to restore what they’ve lost. And both have significant interactions with Katara.

Focusing on book one first, I’ve already written about how Jet manipulates Katara, which makes it worse not only because she did have romantic feelings for him, but because she was totally taken in by his whole freedom fighter thing. He also manipulates Aang and tries to manipulate Sokka, but Katara was the main one who felt betrayed by him. Katara has such a big heart and fighting spirit but at this point in the story she is fairly naive, and it shows here. She probably never considered before this episode that somebody fighting on the right side could be a bad person.

I also looked up the mouth wheat thing because I’ve seen it a lot in anime for similar “tough guy” characters and as that other post I reblogged said, it is a stand-in for cigarettes. I also found out that it’s supposed to represent a banchou, which is a juvenile delinquent gang-leader. And Jet is the leader of a bunch of feral kids, although they are ostensibly revolutionaries. Longshot, Smellerbee, and the Duke do seem like they have good intentions, and they often call Jet out on his behavior.

I also think there’s a comparison/foil with Katara’s interactions with Zuko in book one, which revolve around the necklace and his attempted kidnapping of her. Zuko tries to manipulate Katara using her mother’s necklace but is not very good at it. Not necessarily because he has any moral compunctions but because he’s just not that socially adept. He is most often the victim of his father and sister’s manipulations and the few times he tries to copy them he fails ridiculously, because he is incredibly literal-minded. He’s blunt and often fails to understand things that aren’t directly spelled out. He is not a manipulator.

I’ve also seen people compare Jet flooding the Fire Nation village to Zuko burning down Kyoshi Island, in order to make Zuko look worse, but as I’ve said before, Zuko burning down Kyoshi Island was not intentional, it was something that happened as a result of reckless firebending. That doesn’t make it any less bad, but it seems like it’s been popular recently to add this to the list of things that make Zuko “problematic,” so much so that I actually forgot that scene and was surprised when I rewatched the scene recently and discovered it wasn’t the intentional razing of the village that some people on tumblr make it out to be. Zuko’s fault there was simply not caring about the collateral damage in his pursuit of Aang. He wasn��t intentionally trying to burn down the village. Plus, if we were being honest, all the gaang would cause destruction wherever they went given how much bending they do. That’s not something the show dwells on, though, the way that superhero movies don’t dwell on New York getting destroyed for the hundredth time (unless it’s a deconstruction of the genre).

What Jet does is much more deliberate. He’s aware that what he tricks Katara and Aang into doing will cause the deaths of innocents, and dismisses Smellerbee when she tells him so, and he’s aware that the gaang will not approve of his actions enough to hide it from them. There’s also an interesting elemental parallel/foil, Jet destroys a village with water and Zuko destroys one with fire - foreshadowing that water can also be destructive? Hama, anyone? Robert Frost said it.

I think I know enough of hate to say that for destruction ice is also great, and would suffice.

Anyway.

Book two, the Jet/Zuko parallels/foils are much more explicit, and highlighted by the fact that they actually meet in book two. Zuko’s on redemption road, although he doesn’t know it yet. Jet explicitly states that he wants redemption, although he’s still doing the same things he was doing before. He enlists Zuko in helping him steal stuff because he thinks he’s entitled to it, and I guess you can argue about whether it was justified, since the captain was treating the refugees unfairly, but Jet mostly seems interested in stealing food for himself and his group. To be fair, Prince “ew, poor people” Zuko doesn’t exactly have egalitarian motives, either, which is why helping Jet steal food is a regression in his arc. It’s him donning the Blue Spirit identity (although without the mask) once more because he’s trying to get closer to the material life that he lost. It’s also hilarious that when Jet asks Zuko to do this, Zuko’s dumb ass is like “well, Uncle did tell me to make friends.” Sometimes I wonder who was more naive, book one Katara or book two Zuko. Iroh is like “god, I leave him alone for five minutes and he joins a gang.”

When Jet keeps pressing Zuko about joining the Freedom Fighters, Zuko says no. Again, not for any moral reasons, but because he knows that if Jet keeps pressing, he might find out who Zuko really is. Zuko is honest with Jet when he says “I don’t think you want me in your group.” Not for good reasons, again, but the claim that Zuko somehow manipulated Jet is absolutely wrong. Jet was the one who approached Zuko and made assumptions and got pushy when Zuko said no.

Jet does genuinely want and try to change, but his major temptation is finding out that Iroh is a firebender, which he finds out right after he gets pissed that Zuko rejected him so I do think that was part of his motivation for going after them, considering how pushy Jet acted with the gaang when they rebuffed him. Jet, of course, fails the test, although what happens to him certainly isn’t his fault, even if he did make mistakes. It’s a tragedy that in the end, the choice to turn his life around was taken from him, and he was betrayed by the people who he thought were the good guys. This also highlights the theme that sometimes people on the “good” side can be not nice people, which in turn paves the way for Zuko’s redemption and the wider theme that it is actions that matter the most, not which nation you are from. Separation is an illusion, folks.

Zuko’s test happens first when he attempts to steal Appa, the last time he dons the Blue Spirit mask, and then in “The Crossroads of Destiny.” Unlike Jet, Zuko doesn’t know he’s being tested, he doesn’t know he needs to change, although Iroh keeps telling him he does. The change happens in Zuko without him realizing it.

Katara tries to heal Jet, and Jet dies. Katara almost heals Zuko, and Zuko betrays her. And this time Aang is the one who almost dies, who Katara has to heal. This certainly contributes to Katara’s mistrust of Zuko later on, all three of these events tied together. And all three boys are people she has romantic tension with.

Which brings me to another reason I dislike Jet, or rather, what he is meant to be in Katara’s story. Many people have pointed out that Katara is romantically attracted to Jet, and his superficial resemblance both to the “bad boy” trope, and to Zuko. There’s a reason Zutara shippers make this comparison, although I believe its purpose in the narrative was actually to be anti Zutara and provide support for Kataang, but because the writers really didn’t know how to write Kataang properly, it ends up as the opposite.

Recently I saw a post by a popular blog that was anti Zutara that cited Jet as an example of Katara having “low standards.” And like, I can’t entirely blame the post for its misogyny (Katara is FOURTEEN) because this is what the writers want us to think. Katara’s attraction to Jet is very much playing on the “girl develops a crush on the jerk who doesn’t care about her” stereotype. This is, subtly, one of the ways that the show punishes Katara for not returning Aang’s crush. Interestingly, in this episode Aang doesn’t get jealous of Jet at all, and doesn’t even notice Katara’s attraction, but that’s because Aang in this episode is also still naive and in his early stages of his attraction to Katara, and also thinks Jet is super cool. Sokka instantly hates Jet, though. And Sokka is right, but he also has flavors of the over-protective big brother. I do remember that this episode left a sour taste in my mouth because of the (thankfully downplayed) implications that Katara is a silly girl who falls for the “wrong” types of guys because women don’t know what they want and need a man to help them “discover” their feelings. I also think this is meant to be subtextual in Katara making the hat for Jet which Aang ends up wearing, because Aang is the “good guy” who really does care about Katara, you see? Thanks show, I hate it. To be fair, I blame the writers for this, not Aang. Aang is just having fun hanging out in a treehouse and gets to wear a cool homemade hat. It’s the writers who put this weird misogynistic pressure on Katara.

It’s funny though when people compare Zuko to Jet in order to prove Zutara wrong, because when you compare the two, Zuko is the one who ends up looking better, the one who works hard to repair his damaged relationship with Katara, who genuinely did change. The one whose life she could save after he had done the work to save himself.

#zuko #katara #jet #zutara #anti-kataang #kinda

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mediaevalmusereads · 3 years

Text

Black Sun. By Rebecca Roanhorse. New York: Saga Press, 2020.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: fantasy

Part of a Series? Yes, Between Earth and Sun #1

Summary: In the holy city of Tova, the winter solstice is usually a time for celebration and renewal, but this year it coincides with a solar eclipse, a rare celestial event proscribed by the Sun Priest as an unbalancing of the world. Meanwhile, a ship launches from a distant city bound for Tova and set to arrive on the solstice. The captain of the ship, Xiala, is a disgraced Teek whose song can calm the waters around her as easily as it can warp a man’s mind. Her ship carries one passenger. Described as harmless, the passenger, Serapio, is a young man, blind, scarred, and cloaked in destiny. As Xiala well knows, when a man is described as harmless, he usually ends up being a villain.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: blood, violence, gore, body horror, drug/alcohol use, self-harm, suicide, mutilation, reference to child sex slavery

Overview: I came across this book while looking for fantasy novels set in non-European-inspired worlds. I got really exited about the premise: a pre-Columbian, indigenous-inspired story? With multiple perspectives? And crows? It sounded great! Unfortunately, I couldn’t give this book more than 3 stars for a number of reasons: I felt like the writing could have been a little bit better and that character motivations could have been more clear; and I ultimately didn’t feel like the story was a true race-against-the-clock until the end. While I’m intrigued enough to pick up book 2 in the series, I do wish this book had done a little more to make me feel connected to the plot and the characters.

Writing: Roanhorse’s writing reminds me of some New Adult prose styles: it feels straight-forward, clear, and well-balanced, but sometimes tends to tell more than show, especially when it comes to emotion. I really liked that I could follow the prose without issue, but I often felt like Roanhorse was dumping some info on me and expecting me to absorb it right away. For example, Xiala (one of the protagonists) tells us that she’s always felt like an outsider and that’s why she has such an immediate connection with Serapio (another protagonist), but I didn’t exactly feel that. There were also some worldbuilding details that seemed to be inserted to flesh out the world - which was great - but ultimately didn’t feel relevant to what was going on in the plot.

This book is also told from multiple perspectives and flashes forward and backward in time. While I personally was able to follow the voices and time skips just fine, some readers might find it a challenge.

Also, without spoiling anything, the end of this book seemed to rush by WAY too fast, and I honestly didn’t feel like most of the book was building to it.

The worldbuilding, however, was wonderful. I really liked the way Roanhorse described the look and feel of everything from the tastes, smells, sights, etc. and I loved how diverse and rich everything felt. While I don’t know enough about various Indigenous groups to comment on whether or not the cultural elements were incorporated well, I did like that various populations didn’t seem to be monoliths and varied in terms of social structure, dress, and custom.

Plot: The plot of this book follows two-ish threads: in one thread, Xiala must get Serapio to the city of Tova in time for “the Convergence,” a time when the celestial bodies are aligned AND there’s a lunar eclipse. In the other, Naranpa must navigate a plot to oust her from the priesthood while also dealing with rising opposition from clan Carrion Crow (and their cultists, with whom Okoa is involved).

Because of the many POV characters and the flashbacks in time, it was difficult to feel any sense of urgency in either plot thread. Xiala and Serapio’s thread was a travel narrative, and most of the conflict stemmed from the fact that the crew just straight up did not trust Xiala. At first, I thought we were getting a narrative where the crew mistrusts Xiala because she’s Teek, but then they appear to be ok with her in what was a pleasant subversion of my expectations. But then something happens and we’re back to what I expected, and it proves inconvenient for getting Serapio to Tova in time. Because I didn’t feel like I had much of a reason to want Xiala and Serapio to succeed (Serapio’s motivations are mysterious and Xiala mostly wants wealth), I felt pretty “meh” about them potentially missing their deadline. I would have much rather seen Xiala (and perhaps the crew?) be challenged and grow from the setbacks she experiences at sea, and for her to become more personally connected to Serapio so the journey shifts from one done to earn untold wealth to one where Xiala wants to help her friend (even if said friend ends up being deceptive).

The Tovan plot is likewise a little “meh” because there wasn’t a huge sense of urgency or suspense. I felt like I didn’t know the clans enough to feel strongly about their politics (aside from understanding that killing people is bad in the abstract), nor did I have a concrete reason for wanting the institution of the priesthood to remain (once I learned more of their history and the fact that most priests - called “Watchers” - would rather be elitist than minister to the people).

Perhaps that’s why I felt a little underwhelmed by the plot as a whole: while things certainly happened, I ultimately didn’t feel like they impacted the characters’ inner lives much, or if they did, that evolution was told to us more than shown. While I understand that Black Sun is the first book in a series, I still would have liked the plot to have more of an impression on the characters.

Characters: I think it’s safe to say that this book follows 4 main protagonists: Xiala (a Teek sea captain who fills the Han Solo archetype), Serapio (the mysterious blind man with crow-themes magic powers), Naranpa (the Sun Priest who struggles against traditionalists to make the priesthood more active in people’s lives), and Okoa (the son of the murdered Carrion Crow clan matriarch). While I liked all of these characters, I do wish they had been a little less dependent on archetypes (lusty sea captain, Chosen One, etc). Maybe things will change as they develop in later novels, but for now, they’re fun and certainly likeable in their own ways, but not mind-blowing.

Xiala is likeable in that she’s a hot mess with a heart of gold. She drinks, swears, and gets into trouble, all in the pursuit of earning enough wealth to make a living. She is also Teek - a member of a (rumored) all-female island clan, whose members have special sea-based magic. I liked Xiala’s connection to the sea and the way she communicates her people’s stories and cultural values. However, I do wish she was challenged a little more to want something more than material reward.

Serapio is an intriguing character in that he fits the archetype of dark, mysterious Chosen One. While I appreciated that he wasn’t a gruff loner (instead, he seemed eager to connect with people while recognizing that his appearance might unsettle them), I also think his backstory is a little too “edgy” for my tastes. His motivations were somewhat shrouded in mystery, which made it hard to know whether or not I wanted to root for him to succeed, but because he’s not a complete jerk, I found him interesting enough.

The connection between Xiala and Serapio could have been a lot stronger than it was. While I liked that they bonded over their “outsider” statuses, I ultimately felt like this was told to us rather than shown. Thus, when they kind of sort of “get together” later in the novel, it doesn’t feel earned. I didn’t understand what Xiala saw in Serapio other than his physical attractiveness and (maybe?) feeling like he didn’t treat her as a foreigner. While fine, I wanted Xiala to be more attracted to Serapio’s personal qualities, not just that he was nice to her. Same thing for Serapio: I didn’t get the sense that he had genuine feelings for Xiala personally, just that she was intriguing because she was Teek.

Naranpa, the Sun Priest, was an interesting figure in that she was caught up in the politics of the priesthood. While I liked watching her navigate the various setbacks and conflicts with traditionalists, I ultimately wish I had been given a more compelling reason to root for Naranpa to succeed. Trying to make the priesthood more hands-on and philanthropic is all well and good, but it felt too abstract. I wanted Naranpa to have more personal stakes - because she comes from the “gutters” of the city, is she more invested? But if so, how does she reconcile that with her decades-long absence from where she grew up? There was a little of that, but ultimately, I didn’t feel like I had a reason to want the priesthood to continue. I didn’t understand why Naranpa was so attached to the priesthood as an institution; why didn’t didn’t she cut her losses and go elsewhere?

Okoa is something of a late addition. His perspective doesn’t appear right away, but I think that worked out fine, considering when it appeared. Okoa is a warrior who finds himself torn between keeping peace between his clan and the Priesthood and joining a rebellious cult who wants to restore the old religion and seek revenge against the Priesthood for past trauma. While I think his perspective was important, I didn’t personally feel invested in this plot or Okoa’s dilemma. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t feel like the rebels were treated as having a real grievance; we’re told about the past and told that it was harmful, but because we don’t get the perspective of someone dedicated to the Cause, I didn’t feel like I could sympathize with it. Okoa himself is resistant, calling the rebels “cultists” and saying that though he understands their grief, he doesn’t want to support violence. Perhaps if Okoa felt threatened by the cultists, or if their cause was a true threat to the stability and well-being of the clan, then I could feel more involved. But as it stands, Okoa was somewhat wishy-washy, and I couldn’t quite understand the stakes to make his indecision feel justified.

Side or supporting characters were interesting. I really liked that Roanhorse included plenty of queer characters, including trans and non-binary/third gender characters who use pronouns like xe/xir. My favorite was probably Iktan, the head of what is essentially the assassin’s branch of the priesthood.

TL;DR: Black Sun is an intriguing fantasy with intricate worldbuilding and premise. While I personally felt like the inner lives of the characters could have been more developed and the plot more compelling, I think this book (and author) will satisfy many fantasy lovers, and I look forward to picking up the next novel in the series.

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