“happy hellion healing”,
a photo series, 3/31/2024
I did these all by myself outside of a lovely little holiday gathering.
I am learning to love my skin again.
I held on to these for so long because I kept wanting it to be an intimate moment between myself and … myself… 😂 but I am ready to share.
and yeah .. I look pretty conventionally unconventionally …
and most days, I’m grateful for my mothers fine angles, full cheeks, and abundant lips. (despite her .. difficult attributes and personal struggle that spans through time and space to echo through me from birth to now …)
but deeply, I SEE A HAPPY HUMAN AGAIN. I see a healing human. I see a CHANGE EMBRACING powerhouse of fucking stamina and grace. I see a body excessively scarred but solid, strong, disciplined, determined, and resilient … and so so so so soft at the same time.
When I think about the methods they used to bring my little soul back to this body .. again and again… the shiver is molecular.
(supposedly)
a human being’s most inherit trait: the will to stay alive
I’ve betrayed this body by brutalizing it for every mistake, for every whisper of my mother or father’s voice, for every previous misstep, and every challenged choice, for every emotional explosion, for every mentally ill moment of grief and pain and sorrow and FEAR…x10000000 times over… and all it’s done … is keep me alive!
I see ME…CLEARLY for the first time … in a long time.
I know I have so much… wreckage from my past to wade through… but I look forward to it now. With these clearer eyes… maybe I can repurpose the absolute TAR into creativity.
👍🏽🤷🏽♀️🫀
i havta try.
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Creek goes gray :<
Not exactly a scene in Dwindling Creek, but it’s something that happens pre-story. The drawing was inspired by the song “it’s getting bad again” by Ethan Jewell!! I love his poetry sm :3
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I hate when people are like ‘just try your best!’ and then are angry cause it wasn’t good enough, like my best doesn’t even look like trying to you
Believe me I am doing my best even if you can’t see it
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me: i should get up and be productive
also me: but i just wanna watch star wars, and talk about star wars, and think about star wars, and create star wars content, and look at star wars memes, and discuss star wars, and listen to songs that remind me of star wars…
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oh shit oh fuck it’s getting bad again time to smoke weed until i pass out every night for the foreseeable future until i can tolerate being sober again
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I feel like that lil mouse sadly eating cheese by himself rn
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you know it’s getting bad when your mom starts telling you that you might have depression.
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