I know I JUST changed my theme yesterday but this one is even better so like. Bleez hours ig 😈

hey i’m the anon that requested “nat’s boy” the one about the friends episodes & i just want to say that it turned out perfectly dw!! i love everything about it and u also did the bit of angst really good too :) i’m so happy it’s gonna have a 2. part bc honestly it could be a great little series even! anyway i love it <3 thanks for writing it!!

So...You've all been asking, and begging for PART 2!!!!

welll.....it just so happens that I have finished it! Here you go!

Masterlist , Part 1

Nat's Boy Part 2:

A/N: so sorry for this taking so long! but I had a lot on my plate with college decisions and then moving halfway across the country. But I was able to finish it! I'm sorry it's so short but please know I did what I could!

Word count: 943

You arrived back at your apartment to see the fiery redhead from before laying peacefully on the couch with a thin blanket covering her. Even though she presumably arrived later than her usual time you had decided to catch dinner with a few interns from the Stark industries college reach-out programs with Pepper and Tony accompanying you. You knew that Natasha would have waited up for you but you figured she would have eventually gone back to your shared bed. You supposed that tonight however it must have felt barren and too spacious even for her. 

You sighed as you took your shoes off and quietly set your keys and bag down before making your way over to the couch. You contemplated lifting her up and carrying her to the bed like you usually would but the fight from earlier echoed in your head. You thought back to the first time you met. How she had smiled at you, you thought it had been one of the most beautiful and genuine smiles you had ever seen. You started to question her words to you. Her actions. 

Shaking your head you attempted to knock the doubt out of your brain. You wanted to trust her and you wanted to believe that she loved you the way you loved her but the thoughts seemed to linger. They whispered as you went to your shared room and got changed, they whispered as you went to the bathroom and did your nightly routine. They whispered as you climbed into the empty bed and felt the cold encase you as you stared at the ceiling. They continued as you got out of bed and made your way back to the couch in the dark of the night. The thoughts were screaming at you as you picked Natasha up and carried her bridal style back to the empty bed. Once you set her down and saw her melt into the bed the whispers faded into the background. The second you felt her arm gently lay over you and her face snuggle into your shoulder ever so lightly the whispers stopped. There was silence. You let the calm silence lull you to sleep as the red-heads breathing seemed to match your own. 

—

 You woke up before her, for the first time since you two had moved in together you were the one who was up and was watching the city come alive. You made your way out of the bed carefully, you didn’t want to wake her for a number of reasons. One was that you didn’t know what to say after the fight the day before. You didn’t know if she wanted to talk to you about what you both said. You didn’t know if she wanted to ignore the issue and pretend as if it never happened. So. You just got up and went along with your morning without waking up the woman in question. 

As you were in the kitchen making your morning cup of coffee, you could hear the footsteps coming down the small hallway. You knew what was coming and it terrified you. You didn’t dare turn around and face the being the steps belonged to. After feeling arms wrap around your waist you froze for a moment and your mind went blank. It was like a void took over your brain. You know what you see when a plane flies through a cloud?... yeah that’s what your mind felt like. Suddenly your hand was scalding hot and you yelped out in pain. Natasha broke away from you and quickly turned on the sink as you thrust your hand under the water. It only took a few minutes for her to clean up the mess and for you to place burn cream on your coffeed hand. She bandaged it up and then gave you a soft hug. You didn’t return it though. She slinked off of you and took your head in her hands. “I’m sorry…” she looked deep into your eyes and was waiting for a response. You attempted to hold your ground but looking deep into her eyes you were stuck. “I am too, I’m sorry I’ve been making you feel this way without even knowing.” you release a sigh and continue “I feel so stupid, I mean of course these things would effect you”. Natasha rubbed your cheeks with her thumbs “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, I’m the one who decided to be jealous, I didn’t trust you and I was wrong for that…” she took a deep breath “And I’m sorry for making you feel like I only wanted to get into bed with you, I swear I didn’t!”. You let her words hang in the air for a moment before you took her hand in your good one. “I know… I’ve been hurt before and-and well I just- I couldn’t believe that you of all people I let in did that…It made me feel stupid”. You’re both staring into each others eyes, tears pooling in the corners of them. 

“I love you, and you are one of the smartest man I know. You are so kind and you only think of others. I would never want to hurt you.” She looked at you with hope in her eyes. You planted a soft kiss on her forehead and spoke up “I know you wouldn’t. I know because I love you too” The words that you both were too afraid of speaking to one another slipped out and you knew you couldn’t take them back. That wasn’t a problem though. You both knew you wouldn’t ever stop saying them.

tags: (let me know if you want to be added too general tags)

@diaryoflife

we still need to clean the house (still doing basement maintenance) and i need to find adhd friendly ways to clean frequently enough to eliminate all my OTHER environmental allergies first bc i am allergic to cats technically but if/when i get a new cat i cant just LEAVE THEM smh

@vergess does this sound like mcas to you

brief allergy history overview for context:

allergic to dust, pollen (esp ragweed), cat and dog dander, mold, cigarette smoke apparently?? a couple of other things supposedly idr i got dx'd in 1999

was on allergy meds of various kinds from age 5 to present plus allergy shots starting every 2 weeks graduating to every month. meds i REMEMBER taking (remember i started at age 5.): zyrtec twice a day rx until it went otc (idr dosage), rhinocort (idr if rx or otc). stopped that at some point idr when or why. rx patanol twice a day. saline nose spray twice a day. allergy shots never make me react more than some itchiness.

got the cat in 8th grade. allergist was NOT happy about it. reaction was itchy eyes for like 2 weeks that eventually stopped.

went to college in early 2010s. allergist said i dont need shots anymore. no access to allergist meant i stopped using the patanol unless my eyes got SUPER itchy because at the time it was rx only. continued to take otc generic zyrtec 10mg twice a day. (i was on liquid until like high school bc i couldnt swallow pills so when i switched to pills i continued the same dosage which...is HONESTLY pediatric now that i think about it, but even at 18 it still worked? i was still very skinny though)

then 3 years into college i started getting acid reflux so bad i couldn't eat plain lettuce. got an endoscopy done. got dx'd with eosinophilic esophagitis. got put on 40mg sodium pantoprazole (insurance would not cover nexium.) once a day. (COINCIDENTALLY GAINED A LOT OF WEIGHT AFTER THIS HMM)

went back to same allergist i have been seeing since i was 5. got a skin test done. was told i was MORE reactive (especially to cat :() than i was in 1999...all from 3 years without allergy shots? at least on the skin test. started shots again. got blood tested for food allergies. results seem to fluctuate whether i ate that thing before testing (ie whether it comes up as higher than what the bloodwork calls "level 0/equivocal") two constant and consistent results are hazelnuts and carrots (which have ALWAYS given me acid reflux)

i go back to gi with these results. they tell me i might have GERD. (allergist, when told of my eosinic dx, says "ugh i hope not, you need a liquid diet to deal with that."). second endoscopy after a month on the proton pump inhibitor. acid damage is healing. they tell me its safe to stay on pantoprazole long term.

fast forward to today, 9 years later. i take 10 mg of zyrtec otc twice a day. i tried flonase, did nothing. allegra is too hard to swallow. getting monthly allergy shots. rinse my nose out with saline when i remember to. take otc patanol extra strength once a day (package says to and its easier to remember than twice a day). i skip pantoprazole until the acid reflux gets very bad because 1. makes me gain weight 2. unsure about how safe it is long term 3. i just forget sometimes. i stopped eating all food allergens EXCEPT dairy because whether whey shows up as an ige allergy seems to fluctuate and also i love cheese. i am working on it.

SYMPTOMS, though: constant post nasal drip. (no change from childhood.) nose is stuffier but managed with saline. general constant low level cold symptoms (stuffy nose, very rare slight cough) eyes water only if i forget to use eyedrops. sometimes i get itchy but no hives, no redness. acid reflux when i skip the ppi or eat carrots. i gave up nutella entirely because nut allergies can apparently get worse out of the blue very fast. ragweed season gives me watery eyes and stuffy nose almost 24/7 but no wheezing or breathing issues. ANIMAL DANDER, my biggest concern, gives me itchy watery eyes DEPENDING on how clean the environment is. (i was completely fine in a small house for 12 hours with 4 cats and 3 dogs, fine in my sister's house for 6-8 hours with a shibe, but not fine in a house with 3 cats thats never vaccuumed, and not fine in my sister's car that had no shibe in it.) (not fine is still just minor eye symptoms)

cat died in 2017 so i no longer have long term exposure but dander supposedly stays in the house right? towards the end of his life, we let him in my previously off limits room that had a knockoff hepa filter running 24/7 with no issues. he was not in my room 24/7. currently i have a purezone i think??? hepa filter running 8-6 hours a day because the blue light is required for it to function. i try to change it every 3 months but sometimes i forget.

i really want another cat...even though my allergist is of the "you shouldn't be exposing yourself to any allergens on purpose" mentality. she DOES think mcas exists. she also said its safe to take 10mg cetirizine hcl 4x a day. people tell me allergies can get worse with exposure over time but then how would allergy shots work?

things i wonder about and will ask her next appointment: i am no longer 18 and 90lbs soaking wet- is 10mg of zyrtec once a day enough? did i build a tolerance? should i go back to twice a day?

my current goals:

i will use saline more often. vaccuum and dust more. keep my air filter running 24/7. IF i get a cat, no access to my room ever. i will feed it that purina food scientifically proven to lower the amount of allergen in their dander.

my big fear is 1. i have mcas which makes any allergy exposure a risk 2. people are correct unfortunately and allergy exposure DOES make it worse and that getting a cat now will give me anaphylaxis in the future :( (but then how do allergy shots work???)

i have never experienced anaphylaxis. i have never needed an epi pen. i never needed benadryl.i still don't react to the allergy shots. reactions to pet dander are mild annoying itchy eyes that depend on how clean the area is and also don't always last for the entire time i am exposed anyway. but my bloodwork shows inflammation a lot but no doctor has ever been concerned.

is this mcas??? it kind of looks more like i got sloppy with cleaning and med taking and also possibly built up a tolerance to zyrtec/gained enough weight that 10mg/a day is not enough anymore? allegra did nothing when i switched but i was also taking it 1x a day

my PLAN was get on top of every other allergen so that cat dander is the only thing i am exposed to on a daily basis BUT if this looks more like my allergies overall are just getting worse, i don't want to risk getting a cat just to have to rehome it.

lol sorry this adhd ramble was prompted by pc advice

i am NOT asking for medical advice! i am asking 1. what to ask my doctor in a way that wont make her fire me as a patient for getting a cat (right now she just says "its different when you own one" but i had one for 11 years with no issue so???) 2. does this match your experience as somebody with mcas

Re: Greg hating Shiv.

I do agree they have a very unfriendly relationship and it is 100% over the fact that Greg chooses Tom (or rather Tom chooses him lol) that veers close to hate because of who she is and how she treats everybody, especially Tom.

However, I can totally see a world where if Shiv and Tom were an actual team instead of her treating him like shit, the 3 of them could be a fucking powerhouse, covering every angle and take everything from under Logan/Ken.

Because at the very beginning of the show we see Greg choosing Shiv over Rome with the papers thing in ep 1 (which is also the thing that killed Greg in Rome's mind, he didn't do the one thing he asked so Greg was dead to him after that).

So potentially Greg was totally down to do Shiv's bidding and then he got close to Tom and became Tom's Greg and nobody paid any attention to what either of them did.

I love the scene at Caroline's wedding when the 3 of them are talking about Comfrey and making fun of Rome. The potential that trio had was totally untapped with how fucked up Tom and Shiv are, so naturally Tom and Greg gravitated toward each other, which is turn makes Shiv not give a fuck if they don't serve her purposes.

Even in s4, Greg was willing to negotiate with Shiv and all she did was threaten him (which we all know doesn't work lol) because at that point she is the one that hates Greg for having a rapport with Matsson and obviously supporting Tom all this time.

I don't even like Shiv but that scene at the wedding has such a grip on me for some reason!

i think that's the point though - shiv and tom and greg are supposed to all be at odds. i do not think there would be quite so much of an issue with ts relationship if greg were not around. like obviously they would have their fights, tom would be miserable, shiv would be bored and unable to be vulnerable with him etc. the events would still happen, but i think greg is a huge wrench in the works as well. america decides helps show this too, when tom moves into a room and greg makes to follow, shiv tries to physically block him from getting to him lmao. the show makes pretty pointed parallels and cinematography to indicate that tg are having at the very least an emotional affair and i don't think shiv would ever tolerate something like that, and she wouldn't tolerate someone else being chosen/preferred over her and like. that's not exactly a nice feeling anyway lmao, so...

i mean i don't think he Hates shiv or anything he doesn't want her dead lmao but you know. he doesn't like her. he dislikes her and that's fine bc she dislikes him too. wrt the beginning of the show he ended up choosing her because she appeared much more personable than roman and like he probably thought she could potentially be nice to him, and perhaps he gravitated more towards females because he's used to having his mother and like, she's not the nicest in the world to him but she's pretty decent so it makes sense.

and i mean even if greg hated somebody he would try to negotiate with them first of all, because it's easier and it's efficient and it gets him with good backup, that's just how he is naturally. no matter who the person was he would try to do the same thing i think. but yeah no there were multiple reasons imo that she ended up doing what she did instead and threatened him, but that wasn't the particular reason greg did what he did. he did it for tom, shiv was just the only person who could have saved herself. like, if she had offered something instead of threaten him she could've saved herself. but alas lmao.

i really like that scene too but i think for different reasons askJADLKJ like. i feel like shiv is being pretty cunty to greg and tom is Kinda joining in BUT he's giving greg these looks like. these kind of affair looks lmao. little smiles and bursting with happiness almost as though he knows what is going to happen later on.

congrats on making a public inquiry on a line of interest situated in the middle of a venn diagram of like four things i've been thinking about a lot lately, your prize is this ask that is so long that in the time spent writing it and checking info someone less annoying may have directed you to some of it! this is all like easy enough to google but just in case it feels less uuhh to have someone with an approximate knowledge on some things offer you some pointers: here are some pointers

(i AM ALSO a thousands of CD's type of guy, but i've not done any big digital management of them since the last time i was regularly using ipods in the 2000s, n i am kinda Prepping for big digital management around my current standing main hyperfixation (participants of a season of an old korean idol reality competition show, a collection of Too Many Gotdamn People who have made Too Much Gotdamn Music) but i don't actually currently own a lot of the physical media there, so none of this are pointer from like. oh here is a workflow i am using etc, but)

answers to your two questions are 1) file sizes really depend on lots of factors but rule of thumb is that in a collection of 'normal song' mp3 file size averages out to 5-7MB a song, and a 3-4min mp3 file being >10MB is surprising

and 2) re: storage prices, 1TB (~1,000,000MB, so probably ~166,666MB 3min mp3's) in external harddrive will run at about £50 in western digital brands atm (western digital is what i've been occasionally looking at for my data management thing bc i've seen it mentioned specifically as more reliable than seagate, which i have had issues with; anecdotally, my mum's WD elements has lasted her about a year longer than her seagates kick the bucket). prices atm on curry's stack up at £80 for 2TB, £108 for 4TB, £180 for 8TB

refurbished is an option when it's 'rectified' and sold by the company itself; for WD, those prices atm stack up at £30 for 1TB, £35 for 2TB, £55-60 for 4TB (their page for these are https://www.westerndigital.com/en-gb/products/recertified) (i do not know enough about this area and would wanna look up specific reviews on a company's rectifying track record before purchasing myself, so obv do the same)

answers to questions you DID NOT ask but may have later on if you do set out on the CD Digitization Project that i have answered preemptively bc i am ANNOYING:

tagging music with correct info is often the most time-consuming part of this shit, so a tagger is your friend. the musicbrainz database should have a lot of stuff covered, so their tagger picard might well do (https://picard.musicbrainz.org/, also has some good plugins for like formating multi-disc albums etc if you wanna scan through those), but tagscanner (https://www.xdlab.ru/en/index.htm) can also pull from discogs if needed, though you may still need a discogs account + to make an api key do use that

i was like. spike will probably appreciate it if i provided ways in which their dad could still be autistic about music in a digital format, but i'm having a hard time pulling up music players that meet my vision / make it clear if they do re: you can see cd booklet, and also this info seems to not typically be in databases. i'll carry on looking for players in this area bc i ALSO want this, but suggested desktop windows players other than windows media player / grooveshark / vlc (which are all fine, but imo none are the most intuitive for regular heavy listening) are my best friend foobar2000 (https://www.foobar2000.org/, also has a tagger that pulls from musicbrainz and maybe discogs?), musicbee (https://getmusicbee.com/, tagger plugins available), and aimp (https://www.aimp.ru/); deadbeef (https://deadbeef.sourceforge.io/) is created more to get your hands into with the technical stuff, but it's got custom metadata fields. really after you've looked to see if you think your dad would want a particular feature, unless space is a major consideration then it is just well what looks nicest.

file backup! backblaze (https://www.backblaze.com/) allows an external hard drive to be added in an image backup of a machine, which is the only good way to do a (pseudo-)sync backup without paying for cloud subscription or setting up a NAS etc; at $70/year it is obviously A Cost but way less than premium cloud drive subscription, so if it feels useful to know,

if the NAS mention / video at the end of that post wrt turning an old computer or laptop into a media server (so thing that is plugged into a wall that has files on it + a media player --> other computers / phones / etc on the same network (which can be outside the home too) can connect to that player and files) was interesting lmk bc i've also been looking into that a lot mostly as like, storage nerd aspirations, it's just a whole other thing that's irrelevant if you're more interested in just bunging stuff on an external drive (i've send this as an ask with the intent for you to keep it On File, so sent me another or a dm to lmk!)

you are not at ALL annoying you are a godsend!!!!

the thing abt my father is he is actually better at tech stuff than me (he ran his school's website & also michael's website, in the 00s, when that meant he built them from scratch) (he's still a little bitter abt his school outsourcing their website to whatever service every school uses nowadays. he used to add little falling snowflakes in the winter n april fools jokes n such), so yes i was very much anticipating saying to him like. find a backup storage method you like and i will do the legwork of actually ripping n sorting everything

i did NOT know taggers even existed but holy shit yes i will definitely need one. i do not anticipate him ever actually getting rid of his physical copies – smth he has already done is buy a ton of plastic wallets n move the CDs & booklets into them so instead of ur standard plastic jewel case taking up all that space it's effectively as thin as the actual CD – & also he no longer has a computer (i do not get this decision either. he just uses his phone????) so i doubt he'll need music player software. my thought is really 'he needs backups spare CDs and a CD writer so if any die they can be replaced'

however i will definitely look into the music player software, and maybe also forward this info to my brother (if it's even news to him, he's the kind of music autistic who has a £200 pair of headphones). thank you SO much <3

edit: just saw ur second ask n shdgdhd yeah i am gonna bookmark this post, my askbox is a pit things vanish into forever

well despite having 10 other tavs and two durges i still need to play, i ended up caving and completely making a new file/save for Vrisryn since their main campaign is just... corrupted as hell at this point lmao. it was funny at first with little glitches like the whole Astarion-confessing-to-being-a-vampire-on-the-first-long-rest thing (which works since Vrisryn def noticed he was a vampire right away anyways) and minor stuff like the companions just forgetting that they had a high approval rate together. but by the time i got to Act 3, it was like... painfully bugged, to the point of their entire romance with Halsin being skewed/glitched, and major parts of companion quests weren't executing properly. with the whole point of restarting it being to 1-to get a fresher grasp on their character/make more in-character choices and 2-to be able to play the epilogue properly without glitches, it felt like i had to restart again. (thank god i love them so much and would replay their run 1290823980482394 times)

that being said, i was able to fully take the time to flesh out their Act 1 clothing, stats, armor etc! and i realized i never made any real proper post or introduction for them before posting the first chapter of their backstory/fic, so... behold! the refreshed Vrisryn (or Vrysryn as they're named in my game to avoid save issues lmao)

i decided to go for a more civilian looking outfit since they would have been in Baldur's Gate, not the wilderness they considered home when abducted. they were traveling to bring research findings and samples from the Underdark to the Lodge of the Society of Brilliance on behalf of their circle, as well as to fulfil some personal curiosities and make a bit of coin by selling/trading herbs and tinctures in the city. routine stuff mostly, that landed them unfortunately in the illithids capture. and ofc i had to use the autumnal druid dye from astralsprout on nexusmods bc i mean. look at them. that dye was made for them. typically though, when traveling they would roam in druidic armor or their camp clothes, which consist of a long overcoat and simple garments:

in my canon/work, they also don't really take their headpiece off like... at all, not until like Act 2.5 at least and even then, it's only around Astarion, Karlach, Wyll and Shadowheart. it isn't until Act 3 when they've finally reached the Elfsong that they let their guard down fully about their Spellscar, and their headpiece is used to help cover it since it takes the shape of antlers and stems from around the same area that their headpiece lay. The Spellscar appears in a similar fashion to the spores that typically surround their person and effects during travel/battle, so as long as their headpiece is attached, it's rather difficult for anyone who isn't familiar with Spellscars to notice that that's what's going on with them when it appears.

also the foreshadowing of this shot given the weird temporary triangle of angst they fall into with Gale and Astarion cracks me up but we'll get to that in many future fic chapters lmao

anyways this was really just for me to be able to dump some pics and keep a timeline of stuff as it develops in this playthrough. i'll do a more proper introduction post later and i'm gonna try to remember to reblog this whenever i get around to finishing my own character sheet of them in my style so i can show the differences between how they appear in bg3/how i see them and how they actually appear! stuff like them having top surgery, their Spellscar/it's effects, and other little details that bg3 simply can't convey. even if it's just for my own sake i'm excited to share more about their character on here :3 it's crazy to me how they started as simply an over-glorified self insert and then within 10 hours developed into a whole different, realized character with a HUGE backstory. that bg3-inspiration pipeline goes crazy when you're on hiatus in your own dnd campaign i suppose lol (also gonna try to post my next chapter of spores & stars later next week! just gotta push through finals and the end of this semester, then i plan on letting the oc brainworms consume me during the entirety of my break before summer classes begin oTL)

3/26/24

6:29 p.m-Updated and Added to/Edited

I went to my endo today, I really love my doctor. He actually thinks I'm smart. He doesn't see me as, "psychotic," at all. He was impressed with my list of questions, and said I covered most of the things he was going to bring up.

He also said, I would be a good fit for a medical position bc of my intelligence. He didn't ask about my hallucinations, I didn't bring them up for a reason cause I got to lie to my PCP.. and I don't want to lie if I don't have to... either way it was a nice compliment. Especially given how people view me once they know i have psychosis.

Anyways, he prescribed, two different drugs for my cholesterol Atorvastatin 10Mg which is a percription and then a supplement called CoQ10 10mg. This should solve those issues on my blood work. I'm going back in 6 months and I'll have monthly bloodwork with a comprehensive metabolic panel and my thyroid. My ultrasound is April 1st to look at my thyroid. So everything is all set up.

Only thing I'm nervous about is he wants me to go to an eye doctor to assess for Graves eye disease as there are levels of it. And I could be like level 1 where it's not noticeable visually. He wants to cover all bases.. they measure your eyes with something on your eye lids. It's noninvasive. He has been trying to get me to go for years but the doctor he referred me to never called. I got the number and I'm going to advocate for myself.. even though I don't want to go. My eyes look the same as they did in 2013 before I ever had Graves but it doesn't always show. He said he thinks I have it but that's its a lower level but I know he is trying to scare me to make sure I do it. I get it, it's the final base in standard of quality care to make sure I'm completely healthy. I'm terrified of the eyelid measurements...

I'm more scared that they'll confirm that they moved a little. Good new is- as long as my levels are normal they won't change at all. Bad news is treating your thyroid is imperfect and for all I know my levels will sky rocket from every other day Methimazole. Good news is it's been 7 years untreated, it's not exactly like it's going to make it worse quickly and everything takes times.

Back in the day they used to do surgery on the eye muscles. Thank God that's stone age at this point... nowadays they do tepezza, which are like 8 infusions... that will fix the muscle if they are enlarged.... the infusion is in the arm THANK GOD.

Problem with tepezza is there is a law suit against it bc it can cause hearing loss and tinnitus... appearantly it wasn't listed as a side effect... but now it is. It happens in about 16-20% of people. All the other side effects seem mild. The benefits outweigh the risk... so I'll do it if I have to.

My doctor thinks I'll be in remission by September and off Methimazole... but remission isn't perfect. I could go right back to being hyper 1 month later, 6 months later, a year later or even 10 years later...

Either way tepezza is something i have to pursue assuming my eyelid measurement shows signs.... cause of remission being this thing that can end abruptly...

My thyroid will get smaller and so will the lump... so that's good but it won't go away.

He said once I call the eye doctor and get in to call him and they will expedite the appt..... so I could be seen as soon as possible. Now I'm debating when I should do my bloodwork. The 16th or the 23rd.

The 23rd is the day I started my new dosage which was 5mg every other day. If my test results come back a certain way. I assume me being hypo. He is going to adjust it to 5mg once every 2 weeks.

I guess we will see. I'm scared about the eye thing but I mean I guess worse case i will get hearing aids sooner. I'm already right on the line. Well right under the line. If it gets any worse I'm getting them anyways.

I'm more scared of the eyelid measurement than the tepezza or hearing loss. Either way I know he has my back and I'm in good hands.

I am scared of tinnitus though, I don't want any more hallucinations.... but hopefully I don't get more hearing loss, and if I do hopefully that's the extent of it. Just please no tinnitus.

each nxx boy was Not Like The Other Kids back in elementary to middle school but for like, wildly different reasons

wc: 889

luke pearce: there is a violence in this child somehow

luke is a very much friendly boy but his main issue is that hes ridiculously codependent on mc. one time in middle school she was absent and at home resting off a bad flu and luke looked like he wanted to set the world on fire because how DARE GERMS DO THIS TO HER!!

he also keeps getting his face busted up somehow, it's because he does stupid shit like jump over 4 steps on the stairs at once or he wanted to do a sick wheelie on his bicycle. but the other kids dont know that, they assume he fights bears on the weekends because sometimes luke can get Scary at the drop of a hat, usually when somebody is dumb enough to insult or bully mc, and the nature of kids is to blow everything out of proportion. i heard luke pearce created a hole in the ozone layer. i heard he killed a man with THAT THUMB!

teachers pick up on that hidden energy beneath his straight A grades and sunshiney smile and, to joke-ify this, a text post that applies to luke pearce

-

artem wing: awkward to the point many untrue assumptions are made

he works so much, TOO MUCH. many teachers have told his mother "hes a lovely student. please tell him to relax, though"

artem also has the added buff of being intimidating intense even as a 10 year old and he DOESNT MEAN TO he just does NOT know how to interact with the others

i see teen!artem being in a hoodie with the hood up most of the time, hes That Introvert but also hoodies are just nice if one is the type of person who finds comfort from being more covered, clothing wise, and artem seems to be that type of person.

however, the constant hoodie does make him seem even more intimidating and also like, MYSTERIOUS...

[cn server spoilers] it's canon that artem got enrolled into high school a little later into the semester and everybody had their cliques already and he was awkward and didnt know how to get his own friends. nobody treated him badly tho. but he just like, looked SO AWKWARD ISOLATED VAGUELY MISERABLE that many teachers thought he was being INTENSELY BULLIED. i posit this has been a pattern ever since artem was in kindergarten

teacher: artem, are the other kids being mean to you? :(

artem: no? what?

teacher: oh you poor thing :(

artem: huh?

-

marius von hagen: rich kid honor student with a too-cool family

hes extrovert bonanza and also sometimes he likes being the class clown eventually but he puts ppl off bc 1) von hagen and 2) nobody has seen him even look remotely interested in any class sans art and yet he keeps acing everything, it's NOT FAIR

marius' academic excellence + his status = sparks jealousy and regular childlike hatred in some classmates. it's canon that he got picked on by the other kids sometimes and yep, he Does, but any and all bullying simply makes him work so much harder out of SPITE. may cause a vicious cycle of him spite achieving and others getting more and more miffed kJBKSJGS

also kids r always staring in barely concealed awe whenever giann picks him up from school in a REALLY COOL CAR and giann looks REALLY COOL, COOL ADULT VIBES, and marius is always like GIANN!!! DONT RUFFLE MY HAIR, IM NOT A KID ANYMORE!!!

actually u know that scene in Into The Spiderverse? this one?

giann and marius. it's one of marius' most embarassing moments in his life but nobody picks on him for it because giann is just, and i cannot stress this enough, SO COOL

-

vyn richter: PEAK Weird Kid representation

of them all, i think vyn would be the best rep for Weird Kids, he was going into the forest to collect pebbles and leaves to dump in a bucket and stir together with rainwater to make a potion but only for his favorite horses at the stable (which the horses drink bc they love vyn). he'd make up elaborate stories for imaginary friends because there werent too many people he liked talking to growing up and this is how he cultivates a habit of talking to himself. also i think he like, Doesnt Blink Much, like a frigging owl. it's mostly bc vyn likes observing but it unnerves the other kids IMMENSELY

all the boys are academic over achievers but vyn REALLY takes the cake because he gets into bougie extracurriculars too: archery, fencing, classical piano. it's wholly impressive but also intimidating kJBJKSD child prodigies, i figure, must be difficult for other kids to connect with. vyn is simultaneously relieved and sad about this bc on one hand, hes scared that tho others will turn on him. but on the other hand, hes a lonely child

back to Weird Kid representation: remember that one scene in lilo and stitch where lilo puts a bunch of fork voodoo dolls into a pickle jar and shakes em up? thats vyn.

vyn's father: son, what...what are you doing?

vyn, shaking the jar VIGOROUSLY: my classmates need to be punished

Hellooooo! I know it's been a while since i asked something buuuut since i am literally living of of forgetful y/n ima request something!!

Since we saw how meeting up with the chaos crew would go i wants to know how y/n would be with Phil and actually meeting up with mr. Minecraft because i need a little bit of dadza in my life rn.

Thank you! 👑 Anon

absolutely! here is some forgetful!y/n n philza content 🤲

Part 1 // part 2 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5 // part 6 // part 7 // part 8

everything the same as past parts! also in case it isn't obvious, y/n is a minor, this is a platonic piece! he's like a dad figure :)

Also sorry it's a bit short this is all I could think of :')

let's state the obvious; old jokes (even though you know he's not that old, just to annoy him)

THE FANS FIND IT FUNNY BC YOURE SO GOOD AT SMOOTHLY SNEAKING THEM INTO CONVERSATIONS??

you remember stuff by having things from that time! you won't remember much or in detail, but you'll remember vague snippets n the feelings! you're pretty open about this – proud of the fact that you found something you can do to remember at least a little bit – so Philza makes sure to get you something, maybe a few things!

he doesn't make it a big deal either, just kinda hands it to you and says it's yours! you, wanting to remember the day(s), kept the object with you the whole time, ensuring the memory stuck with it :)

when you got back home you put it on your shelf for all the important memory things! :D for the smaller memory things (both literally and in significance) you have two small boxes, one already being full, save for a few areas for only tiny things

you were gonna do the run jump thing you did with bench trio but you didn't wanna break his fragile old man bones </3 /j /lh

you'd probably do more out-of-the-house things with Phil than you did with BenchTrio

If you forget where you are with Phil, you don't even need to say anything, he'll notice your shift in behavior from running around and being loud to sticking close and talking less and immediately know, he heard you and ranboo talk about your meetup with him and you forgetting where you were was one of the stories

Phil will immediately get off course from where you were going and take you to an area with less people to try and calm you down without the loud noises of people talking and without people looking at you weird

he's not great with initiating physical touch, but if it helps you not freak out you can grab his shirt/sleeve/hand if you need! eventually he'll get the hint that touch helps calm you down and just automatically put his hand on your shoulder when you start to freak out because you forgot your surroundings

if that happens he's absolutely asking you if you'd like to go back home/wherever you're staying!! also asks you what can calm you down during those times before they even happen :)

*you freaking out bc you forgot your surroundings, holding onto the back of Phil's shirt as he leads you to a quieter area*

fan: hey can I get a pic ?

you: ( ? ´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥n°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥)

Phil: oh uh, not right now we're in a bit of a hurry ! ;

You saw that fan on twt later and it was kinda funny bc they were like "GUYS I THINK I MESSED UP I DIDNT NOTICE S/N WAS IN A PANIC AND ASKED FOR A PIC AND PHIL TOLD ME THEY WERE BUSY 😭😭"

Even funnier that you replied "hey hey no issue! Thank you for understanding, and sorry you didn't get a pic here's one for you :)" and attached a pic of yourself you took (with the face covering ofc, you're still faceless after all)

Phil wouldn't talk about it, maybe off hand "oh, yeah I remember that" comment if another person mentions it, if you mention it he'll ask if it's happened anymore since you got back and if you're ok

Talking through donations with Wilbur and occasionally the others on Phil's streams !! It's fun !!!!

One time you and Wilbur were just doing "meow" over and over again and Phil got annoyed and turned off donations for a bit :')

SPEAKING OF U N WIL I FEEL LIKE FANS WOULD MAKE A WHOLE NEW FAM DYNAMIC FOR YOU + SLEEPY BOYS CALLED LAVANDER CREW BC LAVANDER HELPS CALM PPL DOWN BUT ISNT NESSICARILLY SLEEPY

Bro someone made a comic series of the group and it's called Lavander Lounge!!! U stayed updated and the artist was just like o..omg o.oh ww..w.hat.what

Taglist; @cvsmixplant @l0ver0fj0y @youngstarfishdinosaur @icarusthefoolish @ophelia-enthusiast @decay-as-a-life-form @xxtwizztedxx @akio-akina-writes @qrimbarkk @milkydisaster @xx-smiley-xx

Note: if your name is purple that means I couldn't tag you

Rewriting my Diluc housewife thoughts but I saved it in my notes this time, but I made it infinitely more sexist than it already was before bc 1) I was in the kink mood and 2) the spirits of writing gods possessed my body and told me that is the way all Diluc content should be, so, this is major 1950s-ish housewifey horrendously misogynistic shit, you've been warned. Like, even *I* looked back over this and was like "wow this is vile" which is kinda saying something for me so, putting the nastier parts under cut for the sake of my followers' eyes ----------- I was thinking about the post a while back about Diluc reforming a criminal darling - a thief around Mondstadt that's been on a crime spree and of course he catches wind of that and goes to defeat the perpetrator (surprisingly very easy? How is a thief this weak?) and haul the bastard off to jail except... What's this? Said criminal is actually just some girl and not a gross ugly bastard?? This changes things. Clearly, this was not an intentional act of malice or greed, but rather, he, master of criminal psychology™, rationalizes that the world is far too cruel for unwifed girls that have no one to depend on, a cold terrible place, so you must have been driven to these actions out of desperation. You had no provider, no caretaker, which are needs. How could you possibly be expected to provide a means of living for yourself?? This is just the consequences of the unfairness of the world. However, things all work out in the end. You need to be taken care of and restrained from these self-destructive choices by force (since you cannot recognize how bad it is, not that you're expected to, it's natural that you have poor perception, that's why you need a man to make choices for you), and he needs a wife. This solution benefits all parties.

He is, however, a rather dense man, and doesn't really think to like, tell you that. Or tell you anything. He's too lost in thought in his planning -- gonna get you new clothes to replace your ragged ones, gonna have to rearrange the guard schedule so they can watch the house better, all that -- and just kinda slings you up and over his shoulder without a word. Ignores you kicking and hitting because it doesn't really hurt or anything, you're too weak for that. Just says he’ll explain in detail later, but don’t worry, you’re not going to jail. He’s just taking you home. This is better, he says. Stop struggling so much, what, you want to go to jail? No? Then be still. And you don't recognize that it's good for you yet, but again, that's expected. In a better time or society, you would have been married off sooner, and prevented from ever falling victim to your own decision making to begin with, but the world isn't perfect and you can be forgiven for it. You're not responsible for your own actions since you can't comprehend them. It's frustrating and he sighs a bit over it, but that's just the way things are. You'll be happy in the long run, even if it takes a while, you're naturally programmed for a better lifestyle he has in mind. And, really, he's glad you weren't married off, because if you were then he never would have had you, so even though it was technically unideal, the stars align and the universe works out things perfectly. It's all the more of a sign that this was fate and you were made for him. The issue is that a hardened criminal darling is... Not the ideal candidate for a housewife. To some extent, he's right that the criminal underworld hardens a person, you can't survive in that realm if you're submissive or weak willed. And criminal darling certainly is not. Loud mouthed, opinionated, argumentative, bad attitude, defiant and aggressive and very much unafraid. A complete loose cannon. All very unfavorable traits. Worst of all, very much unaccepting of and ungrateful for the privilege of a second chance and being graciously granted the opportunity for a better life. Lots of bad behaviors.

The cursing is a problem. It's not very... Wife-like. Gives off a bad image, you know. Especially since said cursing is usually directed at him at a very loud volume with a snarl and getting all up in his face to tell him he's fucking insane and a bastard. To be honest, the worst part isn't the words themselves, it's the fact that you are so unafraid to be defiant and so fiery that is the primary issue. You disobey very deliberately. Little acts of pettiness. Being mean to the maids who are so graciously trying to teach you how to cook (at his direction), since you had no idea how to (and nearly burned his house down as a result). The first time you were mean and bitter and that's how you learned they report back to him about how you behaved. It did not go over well.  

Intentionally burning food. Once you somehow found a bottle in a cabinet somewhere in the mansion and put rat poison in his food, made him sick. Muttering a sarcastic whoops and shoving a vase off to crash and shatter on the floor. Early on you refused to wear all the nice dresses you were generously given and even tried to go through his clothes to find something to wear, which was kinda cute since it was way too big, but still. You mutter and grumble under your breath every time you're given a command. The most important thing is sex, though. You know, your job. One of your only real responsibilities. He has a very stressful job. It's only reasonable that he can expect to come home to his sweet, loving little wife with open arms and equally open legs. You've probably fucked around a bit right? For money, for favors, for intel, you get the idea, lots of ties to criminal gangs to earn their trust. So, if you do it for something so insignificant, how much more does he deserve it for taking care of you fully? You should -- and you will, with time -- drop to your knees the second he walks through the door. But instead, sigh, you fight and whimper and cover your face in shame after you spasm and cum, and worst of all, you actively try not to cum. You shouldn't feel ashamed of that, it's good, he says. Sure, you may not be officially married (since the laws of Mondstadt unfortunately require that whole "consent" thing for both parties, ugh), but, he's basically your husband right? So, it's perfectly normal, you're supposed to cum for him. Maybe once you're all knocked up you'll be even hornier, and less shameful. He actually wasn't expecting you to be this bad. Incredibly stubborn and prideful. Literally the exact opposite traits of a good wife, you know, submissive and humble and obedient. He kinda thought that it was like... automatic. That once he just kinda shoved you in the right environment, it would be like flipping a switch right? Apparently not. But no matter. It can be changed, with effort and time. You're worth it. See, you're not supposed to backtalk him, you're supposed to smile and do what you're told without question. You're supposed to submit and obey, and instead you seem hellbent on pissing him off out of spite - and frankly, you're doing a good job of achieving that. Every time you defy him it sparks an irritation he can't describe, worse than he'd normally get from just being snarled at by anyone - no, something about being disrespected by someone he feels is beneath him makes him much, much angrier than it would be if it were, say, one of the business partners who get snappy and argumentative very frequently. He could break you and it would be easy, don't you know that? You stomp and you hit him and you yell, but clearly you process that you have to look up to look him in the eye, you have to realize how much smaller you are. You hit him even though you have to know by now he'll just grab your wrists, and like always you'll be unable to even hope of pulling out of his grip, the strength difference between you two is so great. There's no way you don't realize all that, yet you continue to behave the way you do. The inferiority is so blatantly obvious, but you act as if it's not. He spends a lot of time contemplating the source of this, the cause of your behavior, it occupies his thoughts. It's like... You resent him for something. Could it possibly be kidnapping you and keeping you as a glorified sex slave? No, no, that's not it. It's something else, yes. Are you just bitter about being inferior in, you know, every conceivable way? Is that it? The criminality for you was compensation to make you feel powerful, perhaps. You have a complex. You resent him not for anything he's done, but because you know he's stronger and smarter and generally superior to you. You don't want to accept it. You're prideful when you shouldn't be. You're supposed to be humble and content with your inferiority. Yeah, that's it. You just have a negative perception of the lifestyle you're supposed to have. Maybe some event in your life or someone else warped your view of things. You don't realize how happy you'd be if you just accepted it. Yes, if you submitted to it, if you swallowed your pride and actually accepted your place, you'd find you would be very happy, you just don't know that. Or maybe, your brain can't grasp something like that. After all, that's the reason you're supposed to be the submissive party of the two of you, you're not as bright or perceptive (says the densest man alive). You have to be... Led. Guided. So he says it. He is, again, a dense man. He does not really think about the fact that perhaps blatantly confronting you with the epiphany he thinks he's had and specifically using the words inferior and weak and small is probably not going to make you very happy. You get bitchy and bratty and try to hit him and he sighs because, see, this is exactly what he's talking about. You reacting the way you did only confirms you do have a complex, he says. So, how could he go about... reconditioning? He is not the most creative man, but thankfully it's a rather easy problem to solve. If you're reminded of a reality often enough, you have to accept it. For starters, using physical strength against you. Maybe that will metaphorically open your eyes. Holds you down in place when you're hitting him like you do, firmly bending you over a counter or whatever and just holding you in place. Come on, try to get up, try to push him off. You snarl and claw at the marble and push will all your strength, but he doesn't budge, not until you politely apologize and ask him to let you up. If you're being difficult and not going where he tells you to, well, he can just sling you up over his shoulder and carry you. If you're fighting being fucked he can just flip you over and press your face into the mattress and hold you still, and you can't help but take the brutal reality that you're basically a ragdoll to him, that is, physically overpowering you doesn't even require trying. It helps to knock you down a peg, remind you of your place and maybe get you to swallow that pride a bit. The orgasms and fucking have a similar effect -- every time you can't help but feel like he has a power over you. And really, he kinda does. Every time you lay there still panting and shivering in aftershock, the shame comes swarming in, all the obscene noises you made and the way you came undone under the person that treats you like property. Even if the rational part of you knows better, you can't help but feel like in a way it's like you let him win, allowed yourself to more or less prove him right. Maybe you'll learn better if you're in more humiliating positions. Stuck getting rammed from behind, hand forcing your face down and ass up. Actually correcting bad behaviors requires more direct approaches, so he takes the... Old fashioned route. After all, it's pretty much guaranteed to work. You don't listen to words, you don't listen to reason, but you'll certainly listen to handprints and belt welts on your ass. It's the first time you really, truly break, and that brings him a lot of satisfaction. The first time you really cry and whimper and beg and apologize so profusely it feels like you mean it for once. Granted, for a while you just persist in your bad behaviors and even try to run when you see him sigh and take the belt off, but you never get far. And, most notably, you actually fix your behaviors, with enough reminders. At one point, the next time you start being bad and get to bitching and snarling and putting up a fight, you catch the look on his face and, for once, you shut your mouth and look down and mumble an apology by default. See, you're learning. Speaking of, you still have that major issue with backtalking him. You're supposed to submit to him and acknowledge his authority over you. So he gets firm. Grabs you by the jaw and forces you to look him in the eye and reminds you that you will *not* get an attitude with him. You *will* show some respect. You say yes sir and no sir and do what you're told. And if you forget, he can give you a reminder, if you want that. But you shake your head with fear in your eyes, say you don't want that. It makes you mad. You want to lash back, but you swallow your pride and mutter a fine - before realizing the mistake, violating the rule you were just reminded of. You stammer out a yes sir but it's already too late. He has to control himself too, not let his anger get the better of him. He speaks in a way that isn't snarling and mean, but rather firm, cold, a flat tone that asserts dominance and demands respect. But... still wants you to like him. So he has to be nice, too. After all, you'll learn better if you're rewarded for being good, right? So you can get little rewards. Words of affirmation. A pat to the head. He'll buy you something you want, let you drink a bit (since, as a thief, of course, you had a problem with that before you came home, but that had to be corrected too, since drunkenness isn't very befitting). And sooner or later he does have a really good little wife. He's proud of you. You smile and obey commands without complaining. He can come home every day, and rather than hearing a long report from the staff about how much trouble you caused that day, instead you have food and smiles and sweet affection waiting on him, you hug him when he walks through the door. You're polite and sweet to the various business partners and guests that come through -- you don't speak to them without permission though, of course, and you look down at the ground so you don't make eye contact with another man. People say he's lucky and how they wish they had a wife that was so outwardly affectionate to them as you are to him, always clinging to him physically. And you don't complain or every object to anything, you just smile and say yes and do it. It makes him happy in a weird way he can't quite articulate. A warm swell of pride, a feeling of success. You have vague memories of a time when you were breaking into houses just to scrape by, not knowing when you'd eat next, not knowing where you'd sleep. It's kind of a fuzzy memory now. You don't have to worry about those things anymore, and you're a lot happier this way.

mcl headcanon masterpost pt.1 - armin

let's start this off with my long term favourites; the twins. this is armin's part, and alexy is next!

will start this with his full name being armin frederic lemaire

if you name a joint, he has probably dislocated it at least once in his life. he’s always been hypermobile, having chronic pain (mistaken as growing pains) and fatigue, being prone to dislocation. that later becomes a diagnosis of hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome.

that makes him also prone to getting migraines and headaches regularly, explaining the whole hating bright lights thing

he has had an eating disorder on and off since he was about 15; partly diagnosed, he meets the criteria for OSFED, so his ed is a bit. weird and all over the place. it’s mostly periods of restriction with a fear/disgust of food, followed by periods of binging and eating more or less normally. he’s closer to atypical bulimia, in terms of specifics, because the binge/purge episodes aren’t that frequent. he went inpatient once, and still jokes about how he was the only guy there. only his family knows about his eating issues as of now.

another thing about the ed is that it was already kind of in the making when alexy had his unaliving attempt, but that was really what kickstarted it all.

around UL, with nathaniel going absolutely off the fucking rails, armin and amber struck an odd friendship. they both could clock the other on their fucked up eating issues, but neither said anything for a long time, until amber did. they agreed to try and recover together.

his favourite pokemon type is ghost (thank you anon, idk anything about pokemon but i wanted to include this)

he plays animal crossing with kentin (who doesn’t like admitting that he plays it because it’s very relaxing for him) and jade.

he’s a gemini sun, cancer rising, libra moon, same as alexy.

he has add (adhd inattentive type) and his most common stims are bouncing his leg and chewing his pens. his object permanence is also absolute shit, if its out of sight, it doesn’t exist.

he doesn’t untie his shoes when taking them off or putting them on, and has ruined many perfectly good pairs of shoes that way.

he has made tik toks starring rocket the ferret

his playlists are lo-fi music, video games and movie soundtracks, and like. twenty one pilot.

his nose is crooked from when he broke it around 11 years old

he also bruises really easily (mostly due to his EDS) and his legs are always covered in various bruises. he’s also very clumsy, which doesn’t help

he doesn’t like alcohol; he doesn’t like the taste, the way it makes him feel and the aftermath; it doesn’t take much to affect him and he’ll sleep for an entire day. but he’ll sometimes drink in social situation just to not feel left out.

he’s bisexual. the less obvious stuff; what’s his type?? I know having a “type” isn't really a thing and u like who u like. with that said i think hed like slightly androgynous looking girls (soft spot for shaved heads. its soft;;), girls who are very very feminine but in an out of the ordinary way (think lolita, hyper pop fem vibe, goth girls in corsets, etc), guys who work out (he has a weakness for back muscles), in general people who stand out in a crowd be it with their appearance, style or their attitude

no i still have absolutely no idea how he would come out. i think he probably didn’t. he just started talking about it naturally, because it wasn’t a big deal. i think one day, either his mom or alexy made jokes about oh, when would he finally take this one cute girl on a date, and he just said, or maybe it’ll be a boy. it just happened like that

ref post for his fashion sense

he can do a killer winged liner. look, man’s into cosplay, of course he can.

he’s played mystic messenger ironically at first and then ended up actually liking it

he actually can draw, because he spent all middle school drawing anime characters in all his notebooks

he always sits kind of awkwardly (proof is the episode 12 illustration lmao) because 1. bi people can’t sit right (source: me) and 2. he’s just. really lanky and has long limbs and doesn’t really know what to do with all of it

this one is from an anon last year: “I have this weird hc about the twins. Alexy sleeps with like a million pillows and blankets , while Armin tries to sleep with pillows but throws it out every time even though he's asleep.” and i love it. he also probably sleep in very weird positions which leads to him waking up hurting a lot of the time

he also has a weighted blanket that he and alexy kind of just. get turns using when they both still live at their parents house. it helps armin’s pain, and alexy’s overstimulation issues. when they leave, armin gets the weighted blanket

armin has a dimple on his right cheek when he smiles

he helped alexy dye his hair until they moved out and started living separately

he has his driving license, but alexy doesn’t

he’s scared of dogs (he probably met demon at one point bc i like him and cas being friends, and he was so nervous about it, poor boy

he likes taking ice cold shower in the evening because the cold water and then sinking in a warm bed make him sleepy and actually helps him fall asleep

he probably played dnd at one point

he smokes ouid occasionally, at first it was recreational, but it kind of helped with his joint pain so

i think this is all of them? i might be missing a few ones i never wrote out or that are buried in my files but i honestly don't feel like going through the dozen unfinished fics and compilation documents that mention armin in my drive or i would still be here next year

i want to address the “boba fett is catholic” meme i’m seeing in the notes of my post, bc, while hilarious, it’s actually quite an interesting bit of expanded universe history!

from what i understand, the meme comes from someone quoting a snippet from the expanded universe in which boba fett says that he considers sex outside of marriage immoral. which, yeah, is a weirdly catholic thing for him to say. so let me provide some context.

this quote is taken from the short story “the last one standing” by daniel keys moran. daniel keys moran wrote probably some of the strangest prose about fett and was the first writer to really take a crack at his backstory (this was well before aotc when boba was revealed to be a clone), as well as his history with han solo. if you like, uh, smoother characterizations of boba fett, you might not like this version so much: some words to describe moran’s boba fett would be obsessive, paranoid, and disturbed. 

anyway, most of moran’s writing (aside from a few snippets that were expanded on but we’ll get to that later) was retconned after aotc, so if you just want to be like, “nope, boba fett never said that shit, never happened,” while still exploring other legends material, then absolutely feel free. but if you want several textually-supported reasons for why he’d say something like that that aren’t being space catholic, read on.

so, first of all, the immediate context: why tf is a bounty hunter talking about extramarital sex at all? well, the context is that boba fett is in jabba’s palace after leia has been captured. she has been sent to his room as a reward (ugh) and he’s trying to persuade her that 1. he doesn’t intend to assault her and 2. she really should just crash in his room for the night anyway bc if she goes back to jabba, it’ll be seen as a sign of disrespect and they’ll both get in trouble. leia is understandably on-edge and mistrusting of him and this is when he says the “sex between those not married is immoral” thing; he’s trying to convince leia that he really isn’t going to touch her.

(for those wondering, he doesn’t. he gives her some blankets to cover herself and lets her sleep in the bed while he spends the night sitting on the floor)

so! if you so wish, you could easily explain the whole thing as boba saying space catholic shit (whether he actually believes it or not) to reassure leia that she’s safe in his room for the night. he says himself that if she were to go back to jabba, jabba would likely take boba’s refusal to touch her as an insult and take retribution against him, so boba has plenty of incentive to try and convince leia to do otherwise.

but wait! what if you’re fine with boba having hang-ups about sex and relationships and just want a reason other than just “space catholicism?” well, friends, the good news is that that reading is even more supported by the text in a way that would later be expanded upon in post-aotc legends content.

though, before we proceed, lemme just slap down a content warning for discussion of drugs, sexual assault, and the intersection thereof.

now, back to “the last one standing.” leia eventually decides to trust fett and the two proceed to have a really awkward slumber party. leia, noting the lengths fett is going to in order to make her feel safe, begins to question what someone like him is doing working for jabba the hutt. they talk about morality for a bit and boba actually seems to enjoy talking to her--up to the point where she says he reminds her a bit of han. he reacts angrily, saying he and han are nothing alike. curious about his reaction, leia keeps pressing. why does he hate han so much? boba responds by saying it’s bc han smuggles spice. leia is like, “dude, seriously? you literally kill people for a living.” boba gets increasingly, uncharacteristically loud and agitated arguing with leia about why smuggling spice is worse than murder and is one of the worst things a criminal could sink to. and then, finally, at the crescendo of their argument, he snaps at her, “If I had been using spice tonight, Leia Organa, perhaps you would not be safe with me in this room.”

so, uh. what the fuck, right? apparently the reason boba hates han is bc han smuggles spice and spice... makes people more likely to be rapists, according to him??? what???

moran doesn’t fully answer these questions in the story, though he drops some major hints--the beginning few scenes show boba as a young man in jail for murdering a man named lenovar, his superior officer in the journeyman protectors, and staunchly refusing to say why other than that lenovar deserved it. this is followed by a scene maybe a couple of years later with boba literally burning a spice lord’s palace to the ground. this is all the context moran provides, but, the story doesn’t end there as later EU writers would keep this peculiar bit of characterization and expand upon its background.

which brings us to the backstory that post-aotc legends writers eventually settled on: when boba was 16, he began to feel dissatisfied with his life as a bounty hunter. he befriended another teenaged bounty hunter who felt the same way: sintas vel. the two of them ended up eloping to concord dawn, his father’s home-planet, and tried to live “normal” lives or as normal as two teenaged former bounty hunters could manage. boba got a job as a journeyman protector, where he was taken under the wing of a superior officer named lenovar; boba and sintas even had a daughter, named ailyn. 

for awhile, everything seemed fine, but, of course, this contentment was not to last. lenovar turned out to be a scumbag predator who, after gaining boba and sintas’s trust, sexually assaulted sintas. fearing what might happen to her young family if she tried to retaliate, sintas attempted to keep the whole thing a secret. however, boba eventually found out and immediately ran off to murder the shit out of lenovar. combined with the details from moran’s story, the implication is that lenovar was a spice-user and/or that he attempted to use spice as an excuse for his behavior when boba confronted him. either way, after murdering lenovar, boba was imprisoned for killing his superior officer. however, in an effort to protect sintas, he refused to say why he did it and instead just insisted to his interrogators that lenovar deserved what he got and that he felt no remorse for killing him (retroactively explaining the scene at the beginning of “the last one standing.”)

boba was subsequently exiled from concord dawn and his family, leaving him with bucketloads of unresolved issues regarding relationships, sex, and spice. i would say that it would be perfectly reasonable if not outright supported by legends material to view boba’s apparent disapproval of casual sex in moran’s short story as his own thin self-justification for deeper issues that have nothing to do with space catholicism and everything to do with All That Shit that happened to him and sintas when they were teenagers.

at the end of the day, technically all of legends/the expanded universe has been retconned, so feel free to take as much or as little of this as you’d like for your own personal boba fett canon. i just wanted to provide some alternative interpretations of that line other than just “boba fett happened to be space catholic, i guess”

imagine of Storm had to have legal custody of Jet because he's only 14

this is sorta what happens in my canon actually!

basically, the way babylonian customs work is that the heir-leader can form the next generation of babylon rogues when he (yes, he) turns 16, preferably 18 though. however, there were a couple things that went wrong with our birds:

1. Storm (who is not the heir-leader) was born first. like, too many years early, his dad is young and tbh kindof a dilf but i will make another post about him later!

2. the mechanic is supposed to be the youngest, but Wave was born in the middle. Also uh, they usually don't want girls unless they're the second-in-command (Storm's position) because it would make the leader-intercessor dynamic "more successful" because heterosexuals etc etc but once again the ages didn't work. Also, mechanics are supposed to be the power type whereas second-in-commands are flight type so they can scope out and help with the planning/collaboration with the heir-leader but Wave (despite being ridiculously strong) is not the power type, Storm is.

3. Jet was born last and also he's trans in my canon so his family just fucking gave up at that point and dropped him off with Storm's dad (who is hated by the other Babylonians bc fuck tradition he was never raised traditionally either and skipped a few steps since his older brother was supposed to have kids and was the traditional second-in-command but he died which is why Storm has 0 knowledge of babylonian culture and traditions in ZG and why he's also the least defined/trained bc he wasn't raised to be an heir he wasn't even on the table neither was his dad so it was an oopsies but OKAY NO MORE LORE TANGENTS MOVING ON)

One more thing first though 😜 Wave's dad also yeets (but we love him okay??? ok) and he didn't have a choice so instead of being burdened with her step-daughter Wave's stepmom also dropped her with Storm's dad.

What's the issue? Well, while Wave and Storm are ready to be full-time babylon rogues, they gotta wait for Jet to turn 16 first... oh and btw they don't get any of their old money either so they're living off of Storm's single dad's prison guard salary that's off of Prison Island 😎👉👉 oh and Bean is there long story just go with it but dw he disappears at one point to do his normal shenanigans

Wave pulls a sneaky and basically prevents Jet from ever having to experience actual AFAB experiences by like, illegally letting him transition at a dangerously young age. But also Jet's dad doesn't stop it because like... he does need a son. Like, they'll all die out and their insurmountable wealth dating back to the dawn of fucking civilization will be given to the mobian government or like, GUN... so fine. Transphobia on the backburner for now, give me a son and we won't talk about it. Wave also uses this as a perfect opportunity to fuck up her own body for a while for funzies and that's gonna have consequences later in one of my fics! But I digress once more

What was I supposed to be talking about....? RIGHT! STORM ADOPTING JET!!! Well, the rogues don't really follow the standardized legal system but they're all allowed to have the airship when Storm turned 16 based on babylonian custom so that's when they start fucking shit up for fun around the world, and also stealing because they don't really have money besides required amenities (so like I should clarify rn that the rogues get money but they have to request it and log their expenses So stuff like gas, food, entertainment within reason, medical emergencies, etc... are covered almost always, but if you want HRT or a nail appointment they're gonna use the request letter as toilet paper)

When Wave turned 16 they were allowed to compete in global or international extreme gear events (mechanic needs to be a certain age— another reason why she hates Tails so much in riders because Team Sonic got to skip all protocol and legal requirements despite being heroes and law-abiding at least in appearance, meanwhile the nomad rogues who don't even count as citizens are forced to oblige. ANYWAYS!) They could do national competitions and off-track races and unofficial stuff to build up their rep but anything comparable to like, how we treat the Olympics or PanAm are off the table until Wave was old enough. Technically this is a win for the rogues because normally you have to wait longer since mechanics are supposed to be the youngest member (bright innovative minds, also as the power-member the careers of the heir-leader and second-in-command will last longer and give them more time to gain experience and seasoned skills). However, since the birth order got fucked up, Jet is a LOT fucking younger than when his ancestors started racing on a global scale (12 instead of 16/18 like WHAT?!? king shit)

So, as a summary of everything I rambled and all the things I didn't develop for the sake of word-count and also just my fingers:

the rogues don't really do the whole "legal custody" thing that everyone else does, but yeah, storm's age and sometimes wave's age counts as custody for babylonian regulations 😌 more like group project supervision with -3 braincells but it counts!!! hash tag found family

Fighter (Lover)

Call me fighter, I'll mop the floor with you

Call me lover, I'll take you for a drink or two

You'll get older, and maybe then you'll feel some control...

-

HOO longest thing i've ever written lads :V hope y'all enjoy! title/description based on fighter by jack stauber bc i thought it was very fitting lol

-

Engie let out a strangled yell as he finally managed to land a solid hit on RED's Spy with his wrench, the familiar sound of crunching bone and the squelches of blood that accompanied it filling the air and splattering his overalls in French flavored crimson.

Not a very pretty way to die, and he almost felt bad for the fella, knowing from.... rather painful experience how excruciating it was to go through respawn after having your skull caved in. But almost was the keyword here, especially considering the fact that the bastard had unfortunately managed to sap both his dispenser and his sentry in the process, leaving him not only vulnerable to his fellow REDs but without the resources to actually get things up and running again.

What was extra unfortunate was that before he could get to either of them, they'd both managed to practically destroy both affected buildings, causing his dispenser to spark and sputter to a halt and his sentry to explode, sending components and pieces of shrapnel flying everywhere and barely giving Engie a chance to shield himself while hanging on to less than half of his health points.

Great. Just great.

He let out an annoyed grumble, anger rising in himself as he began to at least attempt damage control by basically tearing the sapper off of his dispenser with his bare hand. He didn't even care about all the little metal bits in his skin that tore through his shirt and were starting to make blood ooze out, staining his already sullied uniform. What he cared about was making sure that RED didn't take their final point and not having sentry up, even if it was just a level 1, was going to make that exceedingly difficult.

That being said, if he made it out of this alive, he was gonna have a field day getting all these stains out he mused to himself as his pried open the side panel of his dispenser. He reached for his toolbox, rummaging around for his wire cutters, twist on connectors, and a new set of wires to replace the ones the sapper had fried as he heard a chorus of bullets being fired from somewhere around the next point over.

He frowned. Those were much closer than they were 15 minutes ago. Better pick up the pace.

With a deft hand, he pulled out the wires and snipped out all the unsalvageable ones, tossing them in his toolbox to properly dispose of later. Twist on connectors wasn't exactly a Good fix to all the problems he knew that damn shock box had caused, but it would be good enough to last him until the end of the round.

...He hoped, at least.

After making quick work of the internals and closing the panel back up, he flipped the switch back on, waiting a few agonizing moments before the dispenser beeped at him a few times and whirred back to life.

Engie let out a weary sigh of relief as it slowly started healing his wounds, giving it a couple whacks with his wrench to get it into somewhat working order. It may have been knocked back down to level 1, but hey, at least it actually started up again! Finally, he had one thing was working in his favor!...

...But only the one thing. Now was the issue of getting his sentry back up, and with his dispenser back at level 1, just waiting around for metal wasn't exactly going to be an option this time.

After scanning the battlefield a few times, a disgruntled noise escaped him. Pyro was nowhere to be found. Just his luck. He grumbled to himself more as he picked his dispenser up and moved it to where he thought it would be at least a little less visible so he could go search for an ammo kit himself, keeping a hand on his pistol and his wits about him as he ventured into a nearby building.

He hated to leave any of his buildings unattended without Pyro around to cover for him (usually in return for a joyride into town the following weekend along with the sugariest fruit flavored item they could get from the local candy store), but he really didn't have the time to sit around and hope for the Chance that they'd 1). be in his field of view and 2). not be too busy to play guard dog for 5 or so minutes (5 minutes they could very understandably use to set some REDs running for the hills. or a fire extinguisher).

And as much as he would love to just waltz into BLU's resupply and pick up all the things he needed with little to no effort, he was currently stationed at second to last and the time it would take him to get there and back would be more than enough time for the REDs to not only destroy BLU's hopes and dreams but also to give way for his teammates to complain about how he hadn't been there to defend them.

(As if he wasn't doing enough for this damn team already.)

So taking a gamble with getting an ammo box was objectively his best bet at the moment. Was he happy about it in any metric? Absolutely not. Sure, he knew his way around the place and he actually knew that the building he was currently in housed the largest ammo kit you could find out in the field, but he also knew that other people knew that too. And that meant that there was a very real chance of running into one of them and not only failing to defend BLU's points and having to put up with his teammates' negging but also dying and gettin sent through respawn in the process.

But that's as if anything was really going his way today.

He hopped up the wooden stairs two at a time, knowing that the ammo kit was somewhere up on the top floor. He'd actually passed by the Medkit on the first and as tempted as he was to heal himself up a little, he also knew that any more time he wasted in there was time that could be used getting a sentry back up.

When he'd reached the second floor, the ammo box was just where he expected it to be, sitting next to a window that looked out over the battlefield, giving him a front and center view of BLU's second to last point. He could just about see a sliver of his dispenser, silently relieved that it was still there. From what he could see, RED and BLU were still fighting it out over the mid point, both teams having captured and then recaptured it several times already, only for the other to take it back.

Currently, it was still BLU's but something told him that if he didn't hurry, that was going to change soon.

He quickly scooped up the ammo box, eyebrows furrowing when the top of it came off with relative ease. Odd. You usually need to do at least a little prying with these suckers to get the tops to pop off. He then rummaged around in it to make sure it had what he needed, confusion deepening when he realized that there weren't any syringe cartridges in the box.

And that's when he heard a slight rustling from somewhere just out of his peripheral vision.

He immediately dropped the box, bullets and miscellaneous parts spilling everywhere as he turned around and reached for his pistol.

However, he ended up getting a spray of syringes to the arm, letting out a strained cry as he instead grabbed his pistol with his other hand and randomly fired it in the direction of where the syringes had come from.

His guesswork was pleasantly met with a very loud "FUCK", his eyes finally focusing on a very irritated looking RED Medic who now sported a bullet wound in his non dominant shoulder.

"You wanna dance? Let's fuckin' tango, buddy," Engie muttered mainly to himself, only just about bearing the pain as he tore anywhere from 4-7 syringes out of his arm and dropped them to the floor.

He tried to shoot his newfound opponent again but his bullets made splinters rather than punctured flesh, Engie fully aware that his normally serviceable aim was probably off thanks to the searing pain in his... well, everything, cursing under his breath regardless.

However, before he could even process what to do next, the enemy Medic made a dive for him, the two of them tussling to the floor and struggling with each other for the right to end someone's life.

Engie was able to momentarily able to wiggle his arm out of the other's grasp, managing a solid hit on RED Medic's face that he was pretty sure ended up breaking his nose.

That really only seemed to make him angrier though, the two of them continuing to wrestle it out until Medic finally managed to come out on top, having practically straddled Engie's chest as he pinned down both of his arms to the ground. The both of them struggled to take in air, Engie still making feeble attempts to escape his captivity with little success.

If this weren't a life or death situation, he probably would've told RED Medic that he was rather handsome, even with a broken nose and blood dripping out his mouth and onto Engie's shirt. Truth be told, Engie had always thought him attractive and if the two of them weren't enemies by uniform color, he probably would've asked him if he wanted to go out for a drink some time.

But even if life or death prevented him from attempting to woo the man who he'd just shot, Engie couldn't help but be immensely frustrated with himself, eventually just letting out a wheeze of defeat as he gave out from exhaustion.

"Just- just fucking do it please, I'm really not goddamn having it right now," He growled out, causing RED Medic to squint and tilt his head at him. After all, it wasn't every day that your enemy practically begged you to off them after they (quite understandably) just tried to strangle you.

"Hey, Stitches, you hear me? Just cut my head off or steal my organs or whatever, make my godawful day into an even more godawful one," He reiterated, Medic unable to suppress a chuckle despite how tired he was.

"Sorry- steal your organs? Do you really think I'm going to do that?" He grinned incredulously.

"Dunno. You just seem like the type," Engie said dryly, Medic letting out a cackle.

"Well just because you made me laugh, I'll make this quick. You don't seem particularly happy right now," Medic vocalized, shifting so that he could pin both of Engie's arms down with one hand and reach for Engie's pistol that had gotten knocked out of his grasp in their scuffle with the other.

Stronger than he looks. Engie couldn't tell if his heart beating faster because he was literally about to die or because an item was added to the list of "reasons why I want to take my enemy out to dinner."

...Might be both.

"Golly gee, what gave that away?" Engie deadpanned, feeling the muzzle of his own pistol pushing against his forehead. RED Medic chuckled again.

"No hard feelings, right my friend?" he smiled at him, almost apologetically. At least Engie thinks it's apologetically. Kinda hard to tell with all the blood that wasn't in his body.

He closed his eyes, bracing himself.

"Nah. None at all."

...

BANG!

...And not even 20 seconds later, he suddenly materialized in BLU's main respawn room, immediately grimacing from the skull splitting headache he was saddled with; the unfortunate side effects of being shot in the head. Respawn could only do so much, after all.

He moved to open the resupply cabinet to just get what he needed and get the hell out of there before he was startled by the intercom crackling to life, Engie's stomach sinking when he heard the very familiar "YOU FAILED" accompanied by almost comically sad music.

Had he really been gone that long? He didn't even hear the Admin announcing that mid had been capped, let alone second to last, and surely he would've heard it even if he was being held up by RED's local handsome devil.

But his teammates slowly filing in with various injuries seemed to confirm their defeat, Engie sighing as he reached into the cabinet for a bottle of aspirin instead of a case of bullets.

"Hrr Mrnrph!" Pyro mumbled out as they made their way in, Scout with his arm around their shoulders for support as he hobbled in as well.

"Yo, Engie, where the hell were you?" Scout frowned, clearly peeved about losing that day's round.

"Yeah, maggot, we thought you were on second to last! Their damn Scout somehow slipped by us and ended up capping both of ours after RED capped mid again," Soldier added, Engie sighing. Of course this was going to be blamed on him.

"Sorry, fellas. Spy managed to sap both my sentry and my dispenser and their Medic got me when I was tryin' to get supplies. I was hoping y'all would be able to hold mid long enough for me to get back but that. Obviously did not happen."

"Oh, so it's our fault now?"

"Hey, I'm not sayin' it's anyone's fault, I'm just sayin' that they got the best of us today. We'll give it another go tomorrow, like we always do."

Scout obviously seemed unhappy by the notion but decided it best to shut his trap when Demo gave him A Look because even Scout knew that Demo was not one to fuck with. Engie knew he didn't actually intend real harm, he just tended to run his mouth with things he didn't necessarily mean. Didn't make his life any easier, though.

"Listen, I think we've all had a long day. Let's just get patched up an' relax before tomorrow," Demo interjected, the rest of the team making various sounds of agreement as the final members of their menagerie made their way in.

As he walked past, Medic gave him a conciliatory look that Engie could only give him a knowing smile in return for. They both knew what it was like for the entire team's failure to be blamed on their shoulders alone. Usually it was Medic who received the brunt of it, especially when he'd just been transferred in, but Engie was no stranger to complaints on his off days about how he should've been better or how could've done more.

It made him want to tear his own ears off. Not only because it was annoying as all hell because you didn't see him out here blaming the entire team's loss on one damn person's slip up, but because it was the kind of shit that he told himself when he was younger and it brought him back to times he didn't necessarily want to remember.

He was suddenly brought out of his brooding by Pyro walking up to him, Scout seemingly having limped his way back into base on his own.

"Mrr rrhrrh hrrph phr nrr rphmm hrr rr phrrhrrk phr rrr," They mumbled out sadly, holding their arms out to offer an apology hug and very much looking like a kicked puppy. Engie let off a soft "aw."

"Shucks, Firefly, it ain't your fault. Can't expect ya to baby me all the time, can I?" He joked, pulling them in anyways. Only a monster could refuse Pyro hugs, after all.

Pyro squeezed him tightly, nearly lifting him off the ground despite the fact that they were only a couple inches taller than he was as Engie was momentarily overwhelmed with the familiar scent of kerosene and singed rubber.

When they finally let go, Engie gave them a gentle pat on the head.l

"You go inside now, hey? I gotta check if my dispenser's still out there and you probably got your own injuries you should have Doc look at," He told them, Pyro nodding at him and giving him an affirmatory wheeze. They then gave him another quick squeeze before waddling their way inside, boots squeaking every so often.

Engie sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. Oh well. Nothing he could do now but prep for tomorrow.

He sat in respawn for a little while waiting for the aspirin to kick in and only decide it was time to get going when he finally felt like his brain wasn't trying to squeeze itself down his spinal cord.

After making the trek to second to last, he was pleasantly surprised to see that his dispenser was still on. And also there at all.

(To be fair, RED and BLU had been fighting over mid for so long that RED's Scout probably hadn't bothered to destroy what wasn't shooting at him in a desperate attempt to end the godforsaken match already. He couldn't say that he'd blame him.)

He was also surprised, though not as pleasantly, to see someone waiting for him. Specifically, someone in glasses and a tie that, even though it was covered in blood, had a face that was both painfully smug and oddly endearing.

Though they were technically now in ceasefire until battle tomorrow, he still instinctively reached for his pistol, blinking and looking down when he realized his holster was empty.

"I believe you're looking for this?" RED Medic asked as he picked said pistol up off of his dispenser, Engie nodding cautiously.

"Relax, dummkopf, I'm not going to shoot you. The bullet that was in your head was actually the last one in the magazine anyways," Medic snorted, demonstrating by pulling the trigger while pointing the weapon to the ground and coming up with nothing but empty clicks.

Regardless, he still offered it to Engie butt first, Engie himself still wary but a little less hesitant as he took a few more steps forward and took it in his hand.

"Apologies. I actually meant to put it back into your holster before you went through respawn but I didn't have adequate time. You pack quite a punch," Medic smirked lightly, Engie's attention suddenly being drawn to his still broken nose.

He grinned sheepishly.

"Heheh, yeah, mama taught me well... No hard feelin's though, yeah?" Engie sticking his pistol in its place and his hand out to the doctor, Medic letting out an amused huff at his own words being used against him.

"No hard feelings," He assured, shaking Engie's hand.

"I should probably be off now, I can practically hear my gaggle of idiots begging me to heal their boo boos from all the way out here," He then snorted, Engie letting out a chuckle.

"All good. I should prolly get the ol' girl back to the workshop. Damn sappers always do a number on the internals," He grimaced, thinking about all proper rewiring and circuit board replacement he was going to have to do, not to mention normal maintenance and cleanup.

"As I've heard. Our own Engineer has some particularly... colorful words on what he thinks of your Spy."

"Bit of a wily bastard, that one. Can't say I blame him," Engie shrugged, leaning against his dispenser for support and suddenly feeling face flush as Medic did the same, the two of them now so close that their elbows touched in the middle.

If Medic noticed, he didn't immediately let on, merely smiling at him.

"That we can all agree on, I think. What is it with Spies and deciding to be bastards? Is it a profession thing, does it just come naturally to them?" He said mirthfully, leaning in close enough that their noses were close to touching.

...Never mind, he absolutely noticed.

"'s gotta be, right? I mean, it's the only explanation for why they're all so dickish. That or the ones we've been in contact with just happen to be persnickety lil fucks," Engie grinned, Medic laughing loudly in response.

It only made him grin even wider. Medic's laugh had to be in a class of its own. Borderline obnoxious in nature but somehow brash and unapologetic while still being absolutely ridiculous.

Man, was it just something to die for (which he.. technically supposed he did).

"Ah, look at me, babbling about. I really should get going before I waste any more of your time," he said when giggles finally stoped threatening to rise out of his throat, Engie feeling a sudden pang of disappointment in his chest. He merely waved him off with a soft "shucks, weren't nothin'" as he tipped his hat, Medic giving him a firm pat on the shoulder.

"It was nice talking with you, Herr Engineer. Perhaps we can meet again some time," He smiled before turning to make his leave.

Engie closed his eyes. This was a bad idea, this was a bad idea, don't do it, don't do it Dell, don't FUCKING do it-

"Hey, uh. Stitches."

Medic paused before turning around again.

"Are you... free this weekend?"

An amused glint suddenly appeared in Medic's eyes.

"Well seeing as we all have weekends off, yes, I should be. Why do you ask?"

"You, uh. You wanna grab a drink with me, this Saturday, maybe? I know this pretty good place not too far out and uh. I dunno, 'd be fun to uh. See ya again outside of work, I guess," Engie stumbled out, putting a hand on the back of his neck.

"...I'd like that. I'd like that a lot," Medic smiled, Engie's face lighting up.

"Great! Uhm. I uh, I guess. Meet me on y'all's second to last at about 6? I know how to avoid all the cameras, so," Engie offered, Medic raising an eyebrow at him.

"...Hey, when you live out your days fighting people to the death for an old dinosaur who would skin you alive and turn you into the coat given the chance, finding out where her cameras and all their blindspots are isn't that much of a hassle. We're actually in one right now. Wouldn't've asked you out otherwise," He shrugged, Medic holding his hands up in response.

"I'm not one to judge. Whatever gets me out of playing team mama for the night. I'll just tell them I joined a book club or whatever. And if they don't believe me... well I think a saw to the skull might convince them," Medic said, suddenly pulling out his Ubersaw with a malicious grin.

Engie had to physically restrain himself from saying "hot" in response.

"Heheh, yeah, I bet it might. I'll uh. See you later then," He coughed out, moving to put his dispenser into compact mode and pack it back into his toolbox.

When he stood up with it resting on his shoulder, however, Medic was standing right in front of him, nearly causing it to slip out of his hands.

Medic barely stifled a laugh at his shock, gently removing his hardhat and leaning down to give him a kiss on the forehead.

"It's a date then," He hummed cheerily before putting Engie's hardhat back on his head and making his return to RED, leaving Engie with his hat slightly askew and his face moderately flushed.

And that's when if hit him. A date. He had just asked his actual, literal enemy who had shot him in the head about 30 minutes ago, on a date. And he said yes.

He didn't know if he wanted to scream, punch something, or throw himself off a bridge. Probably all three, if he was honest.

Despite all that, he practically forced himself to turn around and begin making his way back to BLU, readjusting his tool box every so often so it wouldn't slip out of his hands. What the hell was he doing, breaking contract like this? He means sure, he wasn't particularly one for rules anyhow, he's pretty sure he's committed more than a few atrocities against the heavens in his lifetime, and the Admin wasn't always on his case for every little infraction he'd ever made anyways. But between her and God, it was the Admin he feared more and he knew that if there was one rule that the she enforced, it was that cross faction relations were NOT tolerated and were more than a warrant for termination.

Termination of contract or termination of your life? Depended on how nice she was feeling that day.

Needless to say, he was very frustrated with himself.

But then he remembered how drop dead (haha) gorgeous Medic was even when he was bleeding all over Engie's shirt and the way hearing his laugh had made him felt and the way that glint made it look like he had stars in his eyes and...

...Aw hell, if he was going to get fired (or die! both was very possible) for this he might as well go down after having had a good time.

Now all he had to do was make it to Saturday. While also not giving anything away.

Piece of fucking cake.

Stormy Night

Kim Seokjin x Reader

Written for my fav moot bc I love her @a-noona-mous ❤️

~1.3k words

Genre: Strangers to lovers (kind of), fluff

Warnings: None, except for one (1) awful pun

-----

“Noona, I need your help... again”

The grumpy guy from last night leaned over the counter,

“You know that book you recommended yesterday? I already finished it and I need a new one”

He explained, an innocent smile gracing his lips. You sighed and pulled of your glasses,

“You know, you’ve been coming here for the last two weeks straight; by now I would think that you know what kind of novel I’ll recommend”

You replied. You watched the gears in his head turn a little at your statement. This guy had basically been harassing you for the last two weeks; coming in every night and asking for new books to read. If your professor didn’t make this library work a requirement for your research position, you would have gotten the heck out of here already because sitting behind this counter for 8 hours a day had not been as much fun as he promised it would be.

“But I like hearing you talk about them, first”

He schmoozed and you couldn’t help but smile. He was kind of cute, though, the harasser; tall, broad shoulders, handsome face with beautiful, full lips... You had to respect his determination; and since he had never really been annoying our outright rude in his clumsy advances, you humoured him.

“You like hearing me talk about the fluffiest, most cliché romance novels ever written? That’s a first” You joked and he huffed, as if you had insulted him,

“Of course, you always make it sound so romantic”,

“Well, that’s the point, isn’t it? Of a romance novel?”,

“I guess but most of the time it sounds stupid and overrated. Most of the time I think ‘Why beat a dead horse’ but you always find a new perspective. I like that. It’s inspiring”,

“Huh... thanks, I guess”

You were taken aback at his sincerity. You had not expected such a reply and you had to admit, it made your cheeks feel a little hot. You prided yourself on the fact that you were able to enjoy romance novels for what they were and not what they were made out to be and it was refreshing to have someone recognise the same thing.

He smiled at you, knowing he had said something good right there,

“So, will you show me a new one?”

You leaned back in your chair and regarded him carefully. This felt like a defining moment in your, up until now, friendly and professional relationship. Were you ready to succumb to his flirting? You definitely had some real good reads in mind for him but they were a little more on the raunchy side and you weren’t sure what kind of message that would send, or what message you wanted to send, in the first place...

“You know what? I think I have something... let me check where to find it”,

“Ah Noona, I knew you wouldn’t let me down”

You smiled and caught him winking before you turned your attention towards your computer screen to check the shelf number for that particular thing you had in mind. He waited patiently as you typed the criteria in extra slowly.

“Ok, it’s in the back, far end of the hall to the right, shelf number 36 section D. It’s called “Stormy night”. You’ll find it, I’m sure”

You explained and he nodded,

“Alright, I’ll try my best”

He walked a few steps backwards, holding your gaze for a few seconds before he turned and walked right into one of the shelves.

“Ow, fuck...” he mumbled and rubbed the back of his head before he awkwardly checked whether you had noticed. Of course, you had; you thought about warning him but you also needed some entertainment once in a while. You hid your laugh behind your hand and watched him disappear into the maze of shelves.

A few minutes later he still hadn’t returned and you wondered if he had gotten lost. Which was of course a little unlikely but you could never know. You rose from your seat to have a better view of the room but you couldn’t spot him anywhere. He was likely strolling around between the tall shelves in the back, trying to find the book. You sighed and sat back down and tried to focus back on your work instead of his orientational issues. He would have to be fine on his own for now. Suddenly the phone rang and you jumped a little at the sudden noise.

“Jeez...”

You mumbled before picking up,

“University library services, how can I help?”,

“So uh, I think I’m lost”,

“Lost?”,

“Yeah, see... the cute librarian at the counter gave me directions to one of the shelves but I just can’t seem to find it”

Oh, you realised. It was him calling. You covered the speaker with one hand and tried to laugh quietly.

“Well, we can’t have that. What kind of help do you need, Sir?”,

“It would be great if you could send someone out here to help me find it”

You could hear the smirk in his voice,

“Of course, where are you right now?”,

“I’m at the right shelf, I just need help with finding the book”

He said and you shook your head in disbelief while chuckling to yourself,

“I’ll send someone over”,

“Can’t you come yourself?”,

“Well, I’m really busy at the moment, I don’t know if I can abandon my post like this...”,

“What if I ask really nicely?”,

“I guess I can make an exception, you sound like you’re in dire need of help”,

“Definitely”,

“Stay put, I’ll be right out”

You hung up and left your place behind the counter, smoothing your skirt and blouse as you navigated through the shelf maze.

You spotted him soon enough, leaning against the dark wood, watching you approach,

“So, you can’t find the book, hm?”

You teased as you walked up to him and he pushed off the shelf, standing at full height,

“Yeah, this is all so confusing”

He gestured to the mass of books and smiled,

“It’s right over here...”

You walked past him and stopped in the middle section, tracing the books with your finger until you stopped over ‘Stormy Night’. You pulled it out and held it up in front of yourself. He smiled brightly and took it.

“Wow, Noona, you’re so good at this, I never would have found it without your help. Although...”

He said and looked at you expectantly,

“Need something else?”

You ask, expecting to be part of another fetch mission,

“Actually yes, there is something else I forgot to ask for, earlier”,

“I’m all ears”

He stepped a little closer and gazed down at you, making your cheeks heat again.

“Your number”

He said with the most serious expression and you burst into laughter,

“What? My number? What would you need that for?”,

“To ask you out obviously”

Now he was smiling again and you cleared your throat and tried to seem unbothered again,

“Well, uh. I did not expect that, to be honest”,

“Really? I thought getting you out here to help a clueless patron would be a clever rouse and you would be prepared for shenanigans”

He straightens his posture a little,

“I was prepared for shenanigans but not to be asked for my number and a date”

You say and he puts the book back onto the shelf,

“Well, you should always be prepared when you see me”,

“For a date or shenanigans?”,

“Why must one exclude the other?”,

“I see... well, I guess I’m down for both”,

you pull your phone out and his eyes grow big,

“Really?”

“Yeah, here’s my number”

You show him the screen and he quickly pats down his pockets for his own phone to copy your number. After he typed it in, he looks at you, squinting his eyes a little in question,

“You know, I’ve been calling you Noona this whole time and I don’t even know your name...”

You grin and prepare yourself for an awful joke,

“I guess you could say I’m... anoonamous”,

He chuckles and takes your hand,

“Well, it’s nice to meet you anoonamous, I’m Jin”

It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?

Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this

i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.

to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore

so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).

in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)

so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.

NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"

techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.

in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)

one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.

but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.

for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)

the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.

to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.

thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.

now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.

techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.

when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.

however its more nuanced than that:

1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.

2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.

3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.

Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:

1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)

2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it

but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.

what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.

so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?

personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.

(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)

so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.

what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"

this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:

i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?

there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).

but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.

if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.

if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.

miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:

would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.

but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.

your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.

part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it