i mean to be fair your entire case is purely circumstantial. like its pretty clear at this point your kid didnt do it but you dont really have a lot of a case against the other guy. i dont think a legal system that says "ok if youre gonna accuse somebody of murder you better have some actual solid hard evidence they did it" is ...... necessarily a bad thing

'Wilson' as an episode fucking slaps. I'm obsessed with Wilson's complete lack of boundaries and I'm obsessed with the way he acts out to express resentment while still being completely incapable of saying no. He gave a patient part of his liver!! The man is in no way hinged.

For all the emphasis that gets placed on Wilson's failed marriages and infidelity, we don't ever actually see it directly on screen. This is a narrative choice I love, for the record. We see Wilson's relationships through House's eyes and it allows us to understand Wilson as a deeply flawed person without ever making him unlikable, because Wilson's flaws and contradictions are what make him irresistible to House. It's so effective, the way these failed relationships say so much about Wilson's character while being constructed largely out of inference.

In this episode, though, we watch his inability to self advocate play out in real time, and I guarantee that this is what every one of his relationship meltdowns looked like from the inside. On some deep fundamental level, James Wilson doesn't believe "I don't want to" is a valid reason not to do something. You know the fantasy trope of an obedience curse, where the victim is inescapably compelled to obey other people's requests? Wilson casts that spell on his own damn self, and he'll hold true to it even to the point of violating his own bodily autonomy. When you lack boundaries like that, it becomes almost impossible to even know what you truly want, let alone to act on it. So Wilson says yes and yes and yes until it breaks him, and then he still can't say no.

When saying yes feels like surrendering to torture and saying no feels like committing murder, the only option left is escape. So Wilson goes out drinking to trash the liver he's going to donate. He gets dinner with the pretty nurse instead of going home to his wife. All of it is him scrabbling at the bars of his cage. And the irony is that the cage is unlocked, he just has to walk through the open door, and that's the last thing he could ever bring himself to do.

I'm pretty sure that when he went to Cuddy and told her his plan to donate, he wanted her to say no. She almost did! And I think she should have, because her first impulse was right, it is insane. Unfortunately this is the Insane Lack of Boundaries Hospital, and she can't actually be expected to guess when her employee's mouth is saying yes but his eyes are saying dear god no. By the rules of universe that House MD operates within, this doesn't even break a 7 on the "unhinged measures to save a patient" scale, and Wilson invoked the power of friendship. What was she supposed to do?

And through all of this, House is the person Wilson lashes out at. I love, love, love that House is the person Wilson lashes out at. Wilson can't even admit to himself that he's angry about the position he's in. How can he be angry when he's the reason the patient needs a new liver? But House sees right to the heart of everything going on with him, and he says all the things Wilson wants to be true and can't afford to believe. Because if he lets himself believe this wasn't his fault then he might not be able to say yes. And he's going to say yes. And he hates that he's going to say yes. And he hates that House knows he's going to say yes.

So he gets angry with House, because it's safe to get angry with House. He lashes out, because with House, he can. He tells House he's wrong about him, and demands House move out, and that's not at all what he really wants but he feels helpless and coerced and he desperately needs to exercise some kind of control over his own life. The fact that he can let go like this with House is in part about knowing House isn't ever going to leave him - the closeness of their relationship is always defined by what Wilson wants, House has never once pushed Wilson away and fights to reconcile when Wilson wants distance. But it's also about knowing that he can't hurt House by setting boundaries with him. Mostly this is because House will walk right over any boundaries he considers unacceptable, but in fairness, the fact that House is kind of a terrible person is part of his appeal. If Wilson had issues around other people violating his stated wishes, House would be the last person in the world that he should have anything to do with. But Wilson's issues lie in the fear that not being compulsively available and accommodating to everyone around him might permanently fuck up the life of someone he loves. House's fucked up life is never going to be Wilson's fault and even if it was House would still kind of deserve it, so Wilson's anxious people pleasing compulsion can chill the fuck out for five minutes at a time.

I don't want to idealise, there are times in their relationship when Wilson absolutely makes fucked up sacrifices for House. I don't think it's the case that he earnestly wanted to every time. But it's also true that House brings out authenticity in Wilson that few other people manage to. House knows him. House allows him to give in to his selfish impulses without guilt and consequences, and for all the people who love the best in him, House knows and loves his worst. While Wilson is caught up in trying to bend himself into whatever shape someone else needs him to be, what House wants more than anything is the truth. For Wilson, who is so out of touch with his own desires, being an object of fascination to someone obsessed with drives and motivations must be a rush. And if we accept the throughline of this episode, it might just be the case that House's boundary pushing and obsession is something Wilson needs.

i think naruto has genuinely, permanently ruined shipping for me because each time i see a pairing i’m like. ok you’re cute but would you shoulder the burden of his hatred and die with him? are you the sun to his moon? the yang to his yin? are you his one and only? are you his soulmate? are you willing to strip yourself of any pride and get on your knees to beg for his life to be spared? are you the one that completes him? are you the wind to his fire? did he feel warm and fuzzy while watching you as a child and considered it a weakness? were you each other’s first kiss? did you unravel his cold heart with said kiss? did he awaken his unhinged eye power to protect you? did he die and abandon the dream he was living for just so you could live on? does his body move on its own disregarding any logic when you’re in danger? is he willing to jump in knowing it was a trap to save you because you’re his precious person? are you each other’s most precious? did he unlock a new level of his crazy eye power when cutting his ties with you because he was writhing in pain over a lost love? did he try to kill you because you are his most important person? did parting from you feel like ripping off half of his own body to him? is he your driving force? were you chosen by fate? did he want to get rid of you because only then he could be truly alone? are you the only light in his darkness? are you the one that saved him from hatred? did he cry when you said you couldn’t explain your feelings for him and only said that when he hurt you hurt so much you couldn’t leave it alone? did he admit he also hurt when you hurt? did you keep an old token he had left next to your half alive body for years just to give it back to him as a token of your devotion and affection? did he say he’d hold onto it and give it back when things between you two were finally settled? did he compare what he feels for you to praying? did he say those feelings of his aren’t just about you two but there aren’t many people like you? does he look at you like you hung the stars? did you stay awake at night multiple times thinking about him and wondering if he was okay and thinking about you too? did you wish for him upon a shooting star? did he hug you and whisper in your ear during your reunion and purposefully make his attempt to kill you slow and drawn-out despite being perfectly able to do the job in seconds? did you curl up in a fetal position and cry your eyes out when he left again? did you have a panic attack that made you pass out when you found out your friends were out to kill him? does he know your heart well and you, his? can he read what is in your heart? how you truly feel? did you lose your arms to each other during your final battle of love and power? did he decide to stay alive for you and you only? did you say you’d rather remain a fool your entire life if being smart meant giving up on him? did you broadcast your feelings for him to the entire shinobi alliance? did a super smart villain who was targeting him say that they needed to keep you away from him because you were changing his heart, soul and goals? did you go insane when said villain called him his? did you openly reject two people because they said you needed to give up on him? does the author necessarily have to think of him when he thinks of you because you proceed as a pair and cannot be separated? did he disobey your teacher and try to feed you his lunch despite knowing that it would make them fail their exam and send them directly back to the academy which meant stalling and coming in the way of his revenge dream simply because you were hungry? does he go out of his way to make sure you don’t skip meals when you stay out training for too long? does he look at you so closely and attentively he could immediately tell somebody was an imposter because they didn’t have a scratch on their face and had a holster on the wrong leg? does he still remember what your lips tasted like after that one accidental kiss? can he get into your headspace and “begone, thot” your demons? if not we can’t do this

i know this episode was literally just grabbing us by our faces and yelling BUCK IS CHRISTOPHER'S DAD directly into our ears but they did it in some truly insane ways. like obviously the scenes on their own are enough and yet 911 goes that one step further and uses some unhinged scene cuts once again. because the choice to go from mom's best friend (denny) and dad's best friend (christopher) one after the other highlights just how big the difference is between uncle chimney and co-parent buck. its just: denny hears stuff about chimney from his moms, and chimney sits outside with denny to avoid hen's wrath, and they talk about fathers or rather they talk around fathers, they're honest but only on the surface level. meanwhile christopher is included in buck and eddie's conversation about buck's new found superpower, buck backs eddie up when chris tries to get out of his homework, buck bakes cookies for christopher's class and gets him to eat a balanced meal before he starts stealing baked goods. yet again a very heavy handed way of pointing out to us that buck quite literally stepped inside with eddie and chris.

My observations part 2 there's been some developments

There have been some new developments in fandom behaviors and trends that have changed since my last post about this and since a lot of people have liked it, I'll give the curious people an update before I forget

I have noticed something about the Trigun fandom. I thought you all were just ride or die loyal however, if it's wolfwood holy crap! You guys give the unhinged trio a run for their money. Do you know how many times I've seen unhinged comments about his Catholic titties. And why is the Catholic part so important that it must be emphasized every time? Otherwise you all are still ride or die no matter the character. But I have found a streak of unhinged crazy that I apparently missed the first time around.

I know someone mentioned they wanted to see the Fairy Tail fandom mentioned so I will mention you. So are you alive Fairy Tail Fandom are you okay? Your characters do get requested with some frequency and some of them are pretty iconic but you guys just don't do anything except if it's Gildarts v Shanks. Because how many rematches are we on now because people like that specific matchup just so they can post the meme about Gildarts being Shanks from Temu. Otherwise characters don't do all that well. But I will say one thing. You guys are giving one piece a run for its money when it comes to cursed matchups. However, I'm sure it's a good thing. Remember people are very annoyed with that fandom on my blog

Soul Eater. What has gotten into you guys? If it's Stein the fandom is worse than the unhinged trio. Any other character? I never know what you guys will do

Fullmetal Alchemist you guys have finally exposed you're crazy! Her name is Olivier Mira Armstrong and the unhinged things said on those polls. She is now one of those characters I now question should I mark this as mature content because apparently some of you want to be stepped on by her amongst other things. Remember people I read basically everything that is put in the tags. And for those who doubt her power, as of me writing this, she's tied with Senshi in their poll.

The unhinged trio is still just as bad as ever for those who are not aware, that's the nickname I gave to Jujutsu Kaisen, Dorohedoro and Black Butler because those three fandoms collectively are just nuts. However, the unhinged trio may get a lineup change soon. So I'm going to break down the three of them since I've noticed some specific things about you guys so let's get into that

Jujutsu Kaisen I will give you one thing. You guys are creative when it comes to slutty nicknames I think that's the best way to put it. They're hilarious! I'll give you that. However, I think some of them have scarred me for life. So if you want to know why some of these slutty nicknames are getting shared in the poll reblogs it's because of you guys. But the nicknames some of them are unhinged. However, never change. Jujutsu Kaisen fandom your entertaining. If not, terrifying sometimes. However, without a doubt, this fandom belongs in the unhinged trio. You are the gold standard of the unhinged trio. Your feral unhinged madness cannot be matched by any other fandom.

Dorohedoro I'm wondering if you truly belong in the unhinged trio because I think your craziness only applies to Noi and not to the other characters. So I'm curious to see how this plays out over the next few weeks because as far as I'm aware there's only Three maybe four characters in that show Noi a blonde chick a blonde dude and a lizard. So we're going to see over the next few weeks if you all truly belong in the unhinged trio because there are some other fandoms that definitely are gunning for your position

Black Butler I also wonder if your craziness is fandom wide because you guys don't seem to care if Sebastian is in a poll, but if it's Undertaker or Grell holy crap the levels of insanity. So again, I will be testing to see if you truly are worthy of your spot in the unhinged trio

And I think the Senshi polls meme/trend has kind of died down. I haven't found a request in the inbox for a while and he has officially lost to Noi from Dorohedoro by a large margin and may lose but it'll be close to Olivier Mira Armstrong from Fullmetal Alchemist apparently we found his weakness strong, powerful women.

I hope everyone has enjoyed my second entry into my poll analysis series You can find part one here

I was reading one of your asks and the one about the Black Family being equal to British wizarding royalty just got me thinking.

Just how much influence does the black family truly have? inside and outside of Britain. like does current (British) wizarding society still think (perhaps not consciously but maybe subconsciously) of the blacks as 'Gods amongst mortals' as Rhiannon Gaunt said the blacks were prone to act as and if so why?? I'd love to hear a complete and total character analysis of your black family. It's so interesting to read about your version of them and I absolutely love how you've portrayed such a mercurial family.

also, another question, Is the black family madness a thing in this story? I don't think so but It's so cool to vision them all being just a tiny little bit insane. like they're just that family,, yk??

I sometimes just imagine the entirety of the black family making a grand entrance somewhere and everyone is just feeling like "wtf that's so hardcore" and looking regal, powerful, influential and just filthy rich as fuck. (if there's such a scene, trust I WILL be sending a whole ass love letter personally written to you) ((even better if harry's new friends witness this cuz apparently I'm obsessed with such a scenario))

Are any of Harry's Durmstrang friends ever formally gonna meet the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black? and on a scale of level 1-100, just what is they're reaction gonna be like? like Harry's so humble sometimes that it just doesn't register that he's the future heir to one of the most ancient and richest houses in all of Britain so it'd probably be a little reminder that, right, Harry James Potter is actually quite powerful, even at such a young age. (I'm a harry and black family fan if you can't tell lmao)

Almost like Astrid (I love her btw) but the British version. (Yes or no?)

I look forward to your updates most wholeheartedly, with love.

Thank you for the ask! The situation with the Black family in Britain is complex; they are both revered and reviled depending on who you ask. They are a proud dark family, and this is something British society has increasingly seen as a negative thing in the past couple of decades in particular. Amongst the dark families though, and those who have no issue with dark practitioners, they are admired and respected — however grudgingly it may be for some. 

Even those who fear the Dark Arts can have a complex perception of the Black family. They can fear the family whilst also wishing to be like them. The Black family have influenced British society and culture throughout the generations. Whether it’s fashion or lifestyle, they set trends that people feel the need to follow. They have never been a reclusive family until recent times — but always exclusive. Those who condemn the Black family’s influence and society’s obsession with them, are still feeding into that same obsession by giving their time and energy to condemn the Blacks. 

There is indeed a bit of a subconscious perception of the Blacks as “Gods amongst mortals”, because they exist in a league of their own when it comes to wealth and influence. The only other families who come close to competing with them in Britain, inevitably put the Blacks on a pedestal too. There is almost this mythology around the family that makes people intrigued. For them to have maintained relevance and influence for so long baffles many, and people are still telling stories about members of the family who are long dead. They are a British wizarding icon, consistent throughout the changes society has experienced over the past few centuries.   

In my story the Black family madness is not a thing — of course there are members of the family who have been notoriously unhinged, but that just adds to the drama and obsession with the family. You can’t help talking about them, speculating, gossiping, feeding the obsession etc. They are just so interesting. 

Rest assured, Harry’s Durmstrang friends will meet his family. There will be a bit of a realisation for some of them about what Harry doesn’t talk about or show in terms of the wealth and power behind him.  

There was a scene when Mischa met Harry and spoke to the older boys he was with. Mischa was rather indignant on Harry’s behalf that the boys did not seem to understand the significance of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. What this shows, is that there are some families in mainland Europe who appreciate the Blacks, but many who just don’t know anything about the family. 

Because Britain has been isolated for so long, the rest of Europe have forgotten there are many families in Britain who possess just as much wealth and potential as some of the most influential families in the rest of Europe. 

I’m so glad to hear you love Astrid — and yes, in many ways Harry is her equal. 

I hope you continue to enjoy the story. 

Lots of love! 

Talay had never really wondered what “bliss” meant. He was usually too busy with work or drinking with his friends to bother with such a vague concept. But now, here, lying in Puen’s arms, holding him close--there was no other word for it. Puen’s face was buried against his chest, where he planted the occasional lazy kiss. Talay rested his own chin in his hair, taking in that soothing scent as he let his fingers brush through every now and then. 

Yes, this was bliss; that feeling of pure, carefree fulfillment and satisfaction, where the very notion of responsibility couldn’t reach even Talay, not now. For once, there was no schedule to disturb their dream. They could stay in bed all day if they wanted. After all, this wasn’t their bed. This wasn’t their room. They were in a hotel by the European coast, far removed from their daily obligations. Their only task was to enjoy their honeymoon. Talay wondered if Puen could feel his heart’s joyful bouncing as he recalled last night’s events. Since then, the man tangled up against him was no longer his fiancé. Finally, they were newlyweds.

That thought was enough to keep Talay in the embrace for… actually, he had no idea how long. Behind the curtain, the sun had risen higher. He might’ve dozed off again. Puen hadn’t moved, but he was awake. Those lips were working overtime.

“Puen,” Talay muttered into his hair.

“Mm?”

“What do you want for breakfast?”

Puen’s grip on him tightened ever so slightly. “You.”

“C’mon, I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

Talay’s cheeks turned that colour he once loathed so much. God, this man’s libido. Although he had no room to talk; he couldn’t even recall how many times they’d made love last night. He remembered surprising even Puen with his enthusiasm. But it was a special occasion. It was fine. Puen definitely didn’t mind.

“There’s time for that later. I’m hungry.”

“I don’t mind if you eat, so long as I can keep holding you.”

“You need to eat too.”

“Then will you feed me?”

“Puen,” Talay chastised, but he grinned when those cheeky eyes met his own. Puen leaned in and Talay happily kissed him.

“Do you know how we used to count the time we were apart?” Puen asked after he pulled away.

Talay nodded. “Why? Do you still do that?”

“No.” Puen pushed him back so he could roll on top of him. His face was glowing. “I made a new counter. Now, I can count how long you’ve been my husband.”

Husband. Talay’s cheeks warmed again. He really and truly was this man’s husband. Talay felt like the luckiest man alive, but he knew Puen would argue the title belonged to him instead, like the lovable dork he was.

“And how many seconds have you counted so far?” he grinned. His hand had shifted from Puen’s hair to his neck.

“Not enough,” Puen simply said, and he threw the blanket over them both, blocking out that incessant sun as they locked lips once more.

IM DEAD IM DYING IVE NEVER BEEN MORE ALIVE I COULD KILL GOD I AM TRASCENDING THE MORTAL PLANE IM EMOTIONALLY SPIRITUALLY AND METAPHYSICALLY ON A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL OF EXISTENCE THIS IS THE SINGLE MOST PEACEFUL BEAUTIFUL JOYFUL IN CHARACTER PIECE OF WRITING I'VE EVER READ

“I made a new counter. Now, I can count how long you’ve been my husband.” LITERALLY THE MOST INSANE PARALLEL IM GOING THROUGH EVERY SINGLE TYPE OF HUMAN EMOTIONS I NEED TO GO TOUCH SOME GRASS AND BECOME ONE WITH THE EARTH TO COME DOWN FROM THE SHEER EUPHORIC UNHINGED RABID ENERGIES THIS ONE LINE GOT ME GOING ON I NEED A MENTAL HEALTH INTERVENTION TEAM TO SEDATE ME RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) wanna share those onions?

(in reference to me saying i have a lot of "onions" which are like opinions, but better, and often times, have layers (y'know, an ogre, perhaps) about alpha dave and his opinions on bro)

Yes, PC, I will share my onions with you. ONCE!!!!!!!!

Okay to start I want to apologize because I'm going to talk about their personalities again. A lot probably. And also apologize to you because we are buddies so I'm going to try to sound less ???? idk i never actually sound academic just slightly unhinged but because we're friends I am going to sound slightly MORE unhinged than usual because i feel weird talking about this lol (WARNING: i'm talking about abuse again who is surprised but also apologies.)

ANYWAY.

TO START: We can refresh and go over the Dave vs Dave vs Bro debate if you want but there is also the Director's Cut on Ch 45 which i feel like covers a lot of the way that the Guardians tend towards thinking of their counterparts as themselves and therefore (at the beginning) have a tendency to treat them as Less-Than-People lol.

NOW.

I mean I think it is pretty clear at first that Dave (we're just going to call him Dave here sorry but assume i mean A!Dave unless i say otherwise) really truly just points right at him and goes "This is Dirk."

He doesn't super know what that means yet like he's got that funky instinct there's a jam in the radio signal in his brain but he knows, the way a guardian is supposed to, that This is Dirk.

but he also perceives him as a threat. I think that is my second favorite thing about their relationship. There is a mutual "oh this dude would fucking eviscerate me huh" between them.

Fortunate for us, then, that Dave is slightly deranged, high on life, and more than a little determined to make Bro his new friend.

I think that there is probably a point where Dave gave up his Hollywood glamor, his persona, his facade, because he did not need it anymore, or he only put it on for special occasions, but I think it's an easy routine for him to slip into, and I think that seeing Bro here, this fucked up concept of Bro-Dude-Irony-And-The-Sincerity-Beneath-It he is so perplexed and somehow jealous he's just like

oh my god he's ridiculous

oh my god i HAVE to know more i think this man might be insane

We're not getting into Dave's Oedipal complex. The jokes write themselves, I am merely the pen through which they flow.

I do think that finding out that Bro died is something like a gut-punch to him. Like there is always going to be a part of him that screams "Failure" at the aspect of his kid (no matter how big, shitty, and disconnected from him) dying, and the fact that Bro is three years younger than he should be in 2012 will always be a reminder of that.

Moving on.

For the sake of this becoming googly doc length, Fairly quickly he finds out that this dude is not just A Dirk but is in fact kind of fucked up. Like, varying levels of fucked up depending on the day but still fucked up. But he doesn't want to admit that he's off because that would mean admitting that Rose is right and he IS in over his head, and it makes it more frustrating and honestly a little heartbreaking the more he gets to know Bro, and when he finds out about the way beta session Dave was raised, in Ch 43.

So okay.

Here is where I sound like a dick.

Here is where I think I might get in trouble with people but like.

I think a lot of people expect Dave to go off on Bro about this, or like, beat him up or some shit idk. I've seen all sorts of things get said but you know the thing is,

The thing is we don't really know much about how Bro and Alpha Dave grew up? and at least in this case, and it's kind of hard to explain because i'm not excusing it but i'm not sure we can rule out the concept that the relationship between Dirk and a!Dave would have been, if Dave had raised Dirk, complicated after all. Would Dave have trained Dirk to use a sword? he didn't have Cal so surely even if he had it wouldn't have been that bad but at the same time what makes teaching someone to use their Strife Specibus "okay" vs "not okay"? Whatever Mom and Rose had going on was a fucking nightmare, and beyond John and Dad fighting with shaving cream and cake, everything else looks??? super fucking bad lol

Anyway so I guess I do wonder to a point, what he would think, in that scenario

but we are not in that scenario

the scenario we are in is that a survivor of a hostile alien takeover (though can we call him a survivor if he died?) is confronted with the fact that the alternate version of someone he considers to be his kid, abused a kid version of him, was cruel and unkind and unforgiving in all aspects of their relationship.

But that's a hard fucking thing to grasp. That's a hard concept to tackle because at this point, we have a dude who has watched people die, who has killed people, who hasn't even SEEN a kid due to the condesce and all her weird shit I guess idk i don't remember canon, whatever, in YEARS, probably, so what does it mean to him that a kid who he doesn't even know beyond his own point of reference, himself, suffered at the hands of a Dirk?

Like, how do you grapple with that? Does he have the right to be mad? IS he mad? does it make him angry? or does it make him pity them both, to a point. Is he angry, but frustrated, beyond that, because it's so fucking obvious that both of them are miserable, and later, when he pushes Bro over it, and Bro basically says he doesn't WANT to do it again but that he would do whatever was necessary for the timeline, does THAT make him mad not because Bro is excusing his behavior but because he won't even fucking admit that he actively chose a decision that hurt himself the most??

I don't even know if he'd be protective over Dave or DS for it. Tbh I don't really think so. Neither of them particularly like him, and it's clear at this point, to Dave, that they are both hanging their little hopes on the Get Bro Better program lol. I don't even think A!Dave WOULD do anything unless possibly DIRK asked him to. because. waves hand at complicated Dave vs Dave bullshit. Like, Dave's happiness fully hinges on Dirk's happiness. If Dirk wanted him to do something, he would. but he doesn't. So he never will.

Shittily, to quote myself, "Bro Strider is not a good man, or wasn’t a good man, but for whatever fucked up reason, your kid cannot rest until he learns to redeem himself. However long that takes."

Idk. it's complicated. I think a part of him really resents Bro for it, because he DID have the an opportunity to grow up with Dave, something he never had, he never even got the CHOICE, and he fucked it up so irreparably that none of them will be able to take it back, not ever ever ever. He had the opportunity to love his kid and be loved by his kid and he fucked it up. It's not FAIR. None of what Sburb handed them was FAIR but Bro made the worst choice and it impacted them both so fucking bad that it rippled through the timeline, and now Dave has to deal with Dirk feeling responsible for something he didn't even DO. it's just. a lot.

What would beating up Bro accomplish? Killing him? Nothing, because he thinks he deserves it, because it's what he wants, because it's the easier way out.

I don't feel like I need to outright spell out that Lil Cal is basically an allegory for substance abuse in this scenario but. I also won't let us excuse Bro's actions as "Not Him" because of something as flimsy as "mind control" lol.

The whole point is that Bro is a Dirk, and he is a Dirk in the most extreme way (this is all part 2 stuff but like. C'mon. it's relevant, i know you know that). He is a version of Dirk who was bent cruel and believed so much more in fulfilling his own vision that he didn't stop think about the consequences. Or maybe he did, maybe he didn't care. We don't know. It's a lot. It's a whole lot all the time.

So where does that leave us? Where does that leave them?

Basically, I don't think David in this scenario has any right at all to properly judge Bro like some kind of fucking, court room drama. I just don't see that in the cards, man.

I do think that from Dave's perspective there is a level of "we have both done bad things for a purpose we assumed was greater" which is not necessarily healthy, but unfortunately rings true, a certain amount. He sees the similarities between them. That is part of the reason they get along so well, I think. There is a level of understanding that they are not who they used to be, or are trying to be different now, and more than that Dave, fucked up as it is, believes in him. and I think Bro needs this weird, semi-uncomplicated relationship with a Dave who he has not hurt before, who knows he's fucked up, but wants to be around him anyway, but without all the baggage.

It's not perfect, of course, and they still run into a lot of infuriating walls of horseshit, but I do think that Dave genuinely likes him, and believes he can be better, too, if he just puts in some serious fucking effort for once, jesus christ.

So that is just like. The bare minimum of my onions on their relationship. yes.

Something that I still find insane with Glee is just how much professional content was put out about it, both during and after the show. They had the actual show, the concert tours, the (3D) concert movie, the reality show specifically to get cast on Glee (two seasons of it which is one more than most shows even get now), the billboard charting songs/albums, the cast podcasts, and the recent fucked up docuseries. Not to mention the insane number of "Glee Audition" YouTube videos and other fan-created content like SimGM, fanfics, covers, GIFs, etc. I genuinely cannot think of a single other show that has ever had that much going on around it. No matter where you looked or what kind of content, you'd likely run into something Glee related. I first learned about the show because my classmates would singing "Don't Stop Believing" on our bus all the time, like the entire bus would sing the entire song. No one and no where was safe.

Also books and other merchandise iirc?

It's truly an insane scale. I think there were similar properties, but not at the same intersection of teen media and music as Glee was. Music really elevated it above other TV shows, in terms of revenue as well, I'm sure. I mean, what other show I could do as something as unhinged for as the singing database? They just produced so much content, and to think that the cast had to not only learn their lines and do the acting but record their songs AND learn choreography and do talk show appearances and other promos on top of that is already wild. Add to that the tours and musical appearances? It gets to a level that I'm pretty sure should have been illegal. Like, for real, the Glee cast was so infamous for being crazy overworked that it shouldn't have been allowed. Hard enough to film 22 episodes a year and that's without all the extra stuff.

And the fan stuff! That can be a tremendous amount even if the property itself isn't as accomplished as Glee was but you're right, that was - and continues to be! - impressive too. Again the scale of it, organized events and forums and popular videos like SimGM. You really couldn't go anywhere without Glee content.

I think I've mentioned this once or twice before, but I heard Landslide for the first time through the GCV. I didn't search for the Glee version; I had just read The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I wanted to know what the tunnel song sounded like. This is September of 2012 btw. So I typed landslide into youtube and the very first result, probably the second and even third, was the Glee version. So that was the one I listened to for years, exclusively, even though I had zero to do with Glee at that point. I'm sure there were other GCVs that sneaked into my life and certainly the mainstream, too. The show itself had a stranglehold on pop culture but the music was a whole new level. Glee was a machine producing so much content and I can only assume making an obscene amount of money. Idk what the cast got paid but I'd be willing to bet it wasn't enough.

Through godawful documentaries or in more positive ways but Glee's still part of the public consciousness because that kind of omnipresence doesn't just go away. Fascinating. Kinda terrifying. But very very interesting.

[boss music plays as a hp bar appears above my head] hi renee (: i just wanted to say i'm super thankful that i met you this year, and that we literally hit it off and have been vibing ever since. you're such a chill person to hang out with, and i am thankful to have unlocked the frienship dlc with you where we're silly goofy in video games.

i'm sorry but also never sorry for when we start goin back and forth doing critical psychic damage to each other with our unhinged aus and offshoot narratives. you have such a talent and range, and all the muses you have written are ones that feel truly built from the ground up by you. and like, they really are!! i love watching you take a character with little to no lore, and specifically ms maria wronged-by-the-narrative flores, and how you give them the love and care that their creators never will frankly-- danny-alejo osorio > danny gaines every day, mama luda our mom, thomas im scared of you. birdie ur humour and final girl swag. even when hoyt jumpscares us all and dunks on my son im like damn i respect that renee you were so brave and wrote that demon. and ofc maria written as the heart of the narrative doomed or not.

i love building dynamics with you, i love peeking into your creative mind through all your metas, you legit have a garden growing in ur brain. i love that you're willing to get on the insanity level w me w our sad little meowmeows and weave together a story that hurts my feelings every time. i love reading your horror especially, explorations of trauma and the difficult nuances behind it. it inspires me to get a little braver with it and i'm constantly trying to pick up things from your writing! you are funny and kind and a creative powerhouse and i am often simply like damn renee's mind for this…. u know?

anyway all this 2 say ily and i'm glad we're pals, and i hope the new year is kind to you <3!!!

didya enjoy the uno reverse i gave ya for this kels :)) hows that hp bar of yours huh?- FBNJk

you already got all my sappiness in my message to you but do know i so appreciate everything that you said here and in the lil response to the ask as well <3 truly means the world to me how much you guys enjoy where ive been taking my lil texas band of misfits esp with how little they have to go on so most of its my own unhinged nonsense and also just. my writing and characterizations and all of that. esp coming from my hiatus and truthfully feeling rather down and unimpressed with my own writing - knowing you guys not only enjoy it but even pull any little bits of inspiration at all from it warms my heart like you wouldnt believe. so infinitely thank you for that <3

im keeping this saved on here as my last lil posts before this blogs officially archived <3 ilu and thank you again and cannot wait for more of our texas nonsense this year!!! :))

KISSES TO THE SKY TO YOU & OUR FAVORITE JOCK <3

i'm the first to admit that some simone fans are over the top and embarrassing as hell, but some people are so selective in their assessment of the bridgerton actors fans. i just saw some truly unhinged reddit comment (that girl should get some help) and someone was saying that because of people like that they don't like the kanthony and simone reddit. as if the mod of jonny's reddit wasn't in the insane rants sub saying how simone was only "adequate" or how jonny carried the whole chemistry (they sure as hell won't even miss to mention that) or how simone did way too many fashion events. all those comments i saw them myself and it was even said in jonny's subreddit, but apparently that isn't a terrible offense. someone literally hanging out at the rants sub where it was said that simone uses black people as shields or that she whitewashes herself, that's where they decided to go discuss simone? 💀 judging simone's acting ability is just opinions so whatever, but how on earth does she goes to way too many fashion events? she barely leaves her house 😭

THIS.

I left Reddit a couple of months ago because it was influencing my mental health badly, the level of toxicity is just too much. Yesterday someone sent me a dm about new drama happening on fauxmoi and people fighting over who’s a better actor between JB and Simone. I saw some unhinged stuff about JB paying someone to say bad tings about Simone and tbh I laughed out loud. Why would he pay someone to do that when he has a legion of fans that do that for him? It’s what they’ve been doing for a year and a half now. The majority of them does it silently or in a passive aggressive way. You can see it by the tweets they like and post on twitter. You know the whole JB could have chemistry with a brickwall? That’s been said so many times under kanthony posts. I don’t even think his fans who pretend to like Simone understand how much of a slight to Simone that is. Listen, as much as I don’t like him I don’t doubt he is a very good actor but why credit him and only him for the success of Kanthony? It doesn’t work like that. Chemistry works for both of them. This is another reason I can’t stand his stans, the disgusting superiority complex they have, they really think they’re being slick with it too. Imagine comparing their fave who comes from money and privilege who has been acting for years with a young desi woman who has been part of the industry for not even a couple of years. They also make me laugh when they say they can’t wait till he leaves the show as if he has been treated wrong by that production. Like where and when? Show me 😭

What is it about Ian Flynn that some people don't like about him? I get that his writing isn't perfect, but they seem to go out of their way to interpret him in bad faith. He's not a weirdo like Penders, he's just a silly little guy

As much as I've complained about his rabid haters, on some level I do get being unsatisfied with the current state of the franchise (in a civil manner) if you aren't personally a fan of his writing. On top of writing for the comics for 16 years and helming their last two continuity reboots, he's also written for the cartoons, the web shorts, the Encyclo-speed-ia, and now he's even writing Sonic's big open world debut on current gen consoles. I love the guy's writing in the comics, so all of this makes me happy, but it's all subjective. If you aren't a fan, then I do get that it's starting to feel like his is the only voice that matters right now in Sonic. (Even if Evan has taken over as lead writer on the comics, and the movies have nothing to do with him.) Like, Ian's not above criticism. I've criticized some of his writing in the past, and he listens to it and tries to learn from his missteps

But... a relatively small number of very persistent people online have taken it so far beyond a simple difference in opinions, or fair criticism of his work, and turned it into an obsession. And it's been happening since the early years of his Archie run

A lot of it is typical culture war shit from far right reactionaries who think he's trying to infect Sonic with his liberal agenda. The kind of people who think he personally broke up Sonic and Sally just to make Sally sapphic for "woke points." (Some of the conspiracy boards these people make are truly fucking unhinged.) But you can also see some left wing Sonic fans on this very website writing aggressive, essay-length circlejerk discussions about how Sonic not wanting to personally execute Mr. Tinker is Nazi apologia or what the fuck ever, and how the zombie virus arc with no blood or gore where nobody actually dies and everyone throws a big party at the end is apparently the most inappropriately adult thing anyone has ever written for Sonic. (But Eggman's grandpa going insane in prison and getting executed by firing squad is hunky-dory.) I've had to block people for derailing my posts into that shit. People love to nitpick every little thing the guy does, to blow up small critiques into a matter of life or death, to blame him for random shit that isn't his fault like misplaced images in the Encyclo-speed-ia, to take things he's said wildly out of context, to straight up fabricate fake screenshots of things he's never said, to accuse him of lying about shit he has no reason to lie about, and much, much more. It just never fucking ends

To the loudest, most persistent detractors, it's not about the actual quality of his writing. It's all confirmation bias. They think he personally broke up their favorite ships, or that he didn't fight hard enough to get the Freedom Fighters into the IDW comics, or that he's an SJW, or that he just doesn't get Sonic the way they do and that his opinions are wrong. So they're constantly looking for any new ammo they can get against the guy that will confirm these beliefs and passing it around to each other, because hating him has been a hobby for them for years at this point

Go on. Ramble about 9x06 Ian seeing Mickey

THANK YOU. cc: @tidalrace

it makes me truly insane. like reaching 7x10 levels of unhinged. my sincere apologies for what's about to happen:

like. GOD. the different kinds of fear all tangled up inside ian's brain as he walks into the prison. and how he tries so hard to keep it together until he's finally alone in his cell. he has no idea who's coming through that door. he has no idea! if he'll be safe, if he'll be able to rest, if he's about to be even more on edge for the foreseeable future. and he doesn't even know how long he'll be there!

and this is a new kind of isolation for him. it more closely mirrors his s5 hospitalization - but this is longterm! ian was riding high in his earlier jail time. he wanted to be there, he thought he was meant to be there - and while this likely would have worn off as he stabilized, he felt more powerful there than he does right now. and there's this overwhelming uncertainty - how long will he be here? how will his mind fare? how will his family get on without him - and what if they get on too well without him?

so he's alone, he's away from the people and place that grounds him and comforts him... and the reality of it all is settling in, right? for many episodes leading up to this, ian thought he was doing something that mattered. and maybe it did, but it also resulted in this. was it worth it? to have done all that and still end up here? to lose that divinity he felt was carrying him through, just to find himself sick and alone?

and who knows him here? who knows him as intimately as his family does, as mickey did? he's more stable than he was, but he's still very much in recovery. and a place like this is bound to trigger something sooner or later. there's routine and structure, to be sure, but this is not a place for ian gallagher. so who will know when something is off, who will care enough to see him that way? physically, i think ian can handle himself, provided he stays in line. but he doesn't know this place and this place does not know him.

AND MICKEY KNEW ALL OF THIS.

so for ian to turn around and see mickey there after the way they parted........... god. to know he's there, really there, after their time together had always been so fleeting and fraught.... after he thought mickey was gone and free...........!!!!!!!!

not only is he there, he's smiling! he's happy to see him, even here! he is so effortlessly mickey, so unchanged even after the time and space between them. that cell is bare and stark but there's mickey, warm and smiling. are you kidding??????????????????

ian literally short circuits. and for a brief, terrifying moment, you can tell he's questioning himself. that flicker of the eyes, the BREATH. he can't BREATHE. what if he blinks and it's over? what if he blinks and someone else is standing there? this is the only thing in the world that could make this moment steady........ and there he is.

HOME CAME TO HIM! he's overcome! he's so in love! there he is! ian is powerless in an entirely different way now! he can let his guard down??? here???? mickey risked his life, HIS LIFE, to be back here with ian. HERE! i cannot HANDLE IT. mickey is safe! mickey is with him! even in this place where they do not belong! they belong together! what the fuck???????? he has to touch! he has to kiss! he has to feel mickey solid and steady and PRESENT beneath his hands and his lips RIGHT NOW. and he gets to! after so long! you know he is breathing easier now than he has in ages! IN PRISON! and mickey looks back at him and SEES HIM like no one else can. iN PRISON. even here, mickey wants to be with him. wants to touch him and be touched and he wants to give them TIME TOGETHER. the devotion??? the trust? mickey had no idea how ian would respond, just like 7x10, but it's woRTH IT? and ian knows that??? the relief! they understand each other! FUCK.

i have to GO.

For the character thing…Terry?

!!! Ah Terry Silver my beloathed...

Favorite thing about them: How batshit insane and evil he is, and that he knows it. Top notch unhinged; they just don't make them like that anymore

Least favorite thing about them: He's racist and also hurt the characters I love gjhjh. I feel like the dog in that meme: No hurting other characters! Only Evil!

Favorite line: "Ok, Pretty Boy, let's go!!" Will never be able to get that out of my head

BrOTP: Terry and Margaret. In my heart she's still alive somehow and getting paid obscene amounts of money to do his bidding. She's the one who set up the bribery meeting with the ref. Also I firmly believe she could put him in his place

OTP: Cobra Husbands, though Terry/Johnny really has its hooks in me

NOTP: I don't think I really have one for him. There's ships I'm not particularly into but I wouldn't put them at nOTP levels

Random headcanon: When Kreese first disappeared, Terry absolutely knew where he was. Like. Kreese didn't have the resources to hide from an obsessive man richer than God. But Kreese had been rejecting everything Terry tried to give him recently, so Terry let him be, figuring he just needed space. Except then Kreese moved on with his new "hidden" life, and Terry was angry enough to go from "obsessive" to "obsessively trying to forget my ex and everything to do with him."

Unpopular opinion: Ok so I don't think he's really into Daniel so much as he's into what Daniel represents - Terry's chance to be the Kreese to someone else's Twig. Because like - he only gets involved in the whole thing because he's devoted to Kreese in a truly insane way. That's what starts the whole thing. And I think he enjoys hurting Daniel because he just enjoys inflicting pain, but you can see he also enjoys molding him into something else - something angry and powerful. And isn't that essentially what Terry let Kreese do to him? Mold him into the perfect deadly warrior? Didn't Terry give over his life? And tbh I think he had ulterior motives (knowing someone wants to owe you their life is quite the burden), but the fact remains that Terry is owned by Kreese, and while Terry has his own type of hold on him, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants someone to say to him, "Whatever you want, for life." Daniel, being young and skinny and not very athletic (like Terry once was), as well as a little naive (like Kreese perceived Terry to be), was simply a suitable and conveniently placed candidate back in 85. In the present, it's more about proving a point: I remade you, you were tamed by me, give me what I'm owed.

Song I associate with them: A friend of mine used to watch this cartoon called Wander over Yonder, and there's this song in one episode called "I'm the Bad Guy" that has a lot of Terry Vibes if I do say so myself

Favorite picture of them: Obviously the shot in kk3 where he clearly was about to jerk off to the sound of Daniel hitting the wooden dummy and hurting himself

we decided to watch all story cutscenes from the new resident evil village videogame on a whim, since it’s not really our cup of tea gameplay-wise but seems to be this massive zeitgeist moment that made us morbidly curious. And I know how much everyone cares about my thoughts on things I know very little about, so. let’s get into it huh gamers. and yeah spoilers?

for context, I’ve only played resident evil 4 and a small portion of 5. I also read the wikipedia entry for 7’s plot recently. all this to say I was only vaguely aware of how tonally wacky the series was going in

I also completely gave up following the plot of the mutagens’ soap opera, so that paid off in spades here as you might imagine

anyway so that baby in the intro. that baby’s head is just massive. humongous toddlerdome. when ethan finds the baby’s head in a jar later on. there is no way that head would fit into that jar. bad game design. no not even game design. basic stuff. one hundred years in prison for jar modeler

if I see a single functional hetero marriage in video games I will cry tears of joy. I understand their misery is kind of The Point irt them badly working through the hillbilly romp trauma but like. sheesh. at least set that up as an emotional story goal the plot will help resolve. but nope they start off miserable and it goes nowhere

I know I know the mia thing has a huge wrinkle in it but like. not really in terms of dramatic function?? set up a happy end to the re7 nightmare (miranda can keep up appearances for all she cares) and then take that all away from angry griffin mcelroy for manpain. it will still absolutely work to set up the dramatic forward momentum. why throw in this cliche Hollywood Tension in their marriage if you’re not going to address it oh maybe because it’s normalized as automatically interesting because nuclear families are a self-propagating pit of a very narrow chance at emotional happiness relying on social stigma to preserve their empty function oops my baggage slipped in yikes abort mission

I called him griffin mcelroy because I saw his face on twitter and. yeah. I will continue to do this occasionally. my house my rules

... fuck the reason I’m hung up on this is specifically because the rest of the game is so tonally dexterous (which is a shining point to me! more on that later!), and yet they felt weirdly compelled to create the aesthetic trapping of a family-at-odds trope without following it through too well. a sign of both the good and the bad stuff to come

but listen the real reason why I wanted to talk about any of this is to nitpick the fascinating backwards-engineered nucleus of the entire thing; in that this game essentially creates a melting pot of just SO many disparate horror tropes and then makes a no-holds-barred unhinged effort at weaving thick lore to piece them all together. it is truly a sight to behold. like straight up you got your backwoods fright night situation, your gothic castle vampires, your rural-industrial werewolves, and don’t forget your bloated swamp monsters over there, with then a hard left turn into robotic body horror, and the entire ass subgenre of Creepy Doll writ large, and the bloodborne tentacle monsters, and a hellboy angel bossfight, which rides on the coattails of a mech-on-mech pacific rim bonanza, and just jesus henry christ slow down

almost all of these are textural hijack jobs that don’t really get into the metaphor plain of any of those settings but the game sort-of makes an argument that the texture IS the point and revels in it. It is kind of admirable almost. The same reason why the intro felt boxed in and unmotivated is also why the rest of the game just blasts off of its hinges to the point of complete and self-indulgent tonal abandon. I kinda loved that about it. lady dimitrescu made sure to hold her hat down as she bent forward in mahogany doorways and then suddenly she’s a giant gore dragon and you settle in your temp role as dark souls man with Gun to take her ass down. Excellent??

this rhino rampage impulse to gobble up every horror aesthetic known to man comes to head when the game wrestles with its FPS trappings in what is the most hilarious solution in creating visceral player damage moments. Since most cinematics and the entire game is in first person, that leaves precious little real estate for the devs to work with if they really want to sell griffin’s physical crucible. To wit. This dude’s forearms. Specifically just the forearms. They are MASSACRED throughout the story. The poor man lives out the silent hill dimension of a hand model. by the end cutscene he looks like a neatly dressed desk clerk who had decided to stick both his grabbers into garbage disposal grinders just a few hours prior. like in addition to everything else it manages to rope in that tinge of slapstick violence into its general grievous genre collection except this time it IS for a lack of trying! truly incredible

but wait his miracle clawbacks from everything his poor paws go through are retroactively explained away, yes, but far too vaguely and far too late to console me as I sat and watched everyone’s favorite baby brother reattach an entirely severed hand to his wrist stump by just. placing it on there. and giving it a lil twist ‘n pop terminator-style. and then willing his fingers back into motion right in front of my bulging eyes. this game just does not care. it does not give a shit. and boy howdy will it work to make that into one of its strongest suits

cause generally speaking resident evil was THE premiere vanilla zombie content destinaysh for like a decade, right? and as the rest of the world and mainstream media started encroaching and bloodying its blue ocean it went and just exploded in every single conceivable horror trope direction like a smilodon on catnip. truly, genuinely fascinating franchise moves

yeah the big vampire milf is hot. other news; grass... green. although I do love the implication that her closet is just identical white dresses on a rack. cartoon network-level queen shit

apropos of nothing I’ve said there’s also this hobo dante-devimaycry-magneto man, and I can’t believe this sentence makes sense. anyway he made that “boulder-punching asshole” joke referring to chris redfield and it was probably the only easter egg that really landed for me and boy did it land hard. I have not seen him punch the boulder in re5, mind. I had only heard about how funny it is from friends. and here this dude was, probably in the same exact mindset as me, trying to grapple with that insane mental image. with you on that ian mckellen, loud and clear

I advocate vehemently against the shallow pursuit of hyper photorealism in art direction but I gotta admit it works really in favor of immersive horror like this. the european village shacks especially gave me super unchill flashbacks to my rural countryside retreat in western georgia. I could smell the linoleum dude. not cool

faces are weird in this game. can’t place it. nice textures, good animation, but the modeling template is... uuh strange? and the hair. it has that clustered-flat-clumpy look that harkens to something very specific and unpleasant but I just don’t know what. sue me

griffin’s mental aptitude to take all this shit in stride and end every seemingly traumatizing bossfight involving some fucking eldritch being yet unseen through mortal eyes by essentially throwing out an MCU quip is just. What the fuck dude? I mean that was funny how you casually yelled the f-word at a god damn werewolf that you considered a fairy tale an hour ago but are you like, all right?? it was swinging a sledgehammer the size of a bus at you, ethan

oh oh the vampires are afraid of cold and your last name is winters. I get it haha

Pro Gamer Nitpick: boss fights seemed a bit unnecessarily long?? idk why the youtuber we picked decided the ENTIRE propeller man fight counted towards the vital story scenes he was stitching together, but man mr big daddy lite there really had some get up and go huh??

why are they saying dimitrescu.. like that. is it really how you say that word or is the english language relapsing into its fetish for ending every single word with a consonant at all costs

I’m not saying it’s a dramatic miss of a twist in context of all that’s going on, but the “you died in the last game actually and have been DC’s clayface ever since” revelation is low-key. it’s. it’s just funny to me, I dont know what to say. century-old god-witch fails her evil plan after she mistakenly removes heart from what was definitely NOT just some white guy with eight fingers after all

chris realizing he’s about to become the player character and immediately swapping out his tsundere trenchcoat for the muscletight sex haver sweater

the little bluetooth speaker-sized pipe bomb he taped to his knife was nuclear?? really??? I must have missed something because that is just too good. I buy it though I totally buy it. chris just got them fun-sized nukes in his car trunk for, you guessed it, Situations

anyway this is all for now just wanted to briefly touch on how unexpectedly funny and tonally irreverent this seemingly serious game turned out to be. did not articulate any cathartic story beats whatsoever but my god it had fun connecting those plot points. he just fucking put his severed hand back on his stump and it Just Worked todd howard get in here

So, inspired by a recent first time viewing (how did i make it this long? No good answers) of The Holiday, I now present to you my Christmas gift to the internet 

A Comprehensive Ranking of Romcom Sweaters by Sadness

Join me in an exploration of the knitwear of these dreamy eyed seekers of love, hearts full and arms covered! Their faith: true. Their choices: frequently bad. Their necks: cold.

Two notes before I begin! First- a lot of my very serious research came from the When Romance Met Comedy series of essays by @carolinesiede This series is one of my favorite things on the internet and you should all check it out

Second- my love for this genre is deep and sincere, as is my love for sweaters. Those who dismiss either out of hand may see themselves out.

OK LET'S DO THIS

0/10 Clueless

 

None percent sadness. Your hair is thick and shining, your schemes are manifold and successful, Daddy's sucky Italian roast is doing exactly what you intended. Let your arms bask in the sun in your sweater vest of youthful triumph.

(Note- the presence of sweaters in teen romcoms are rare. Sweaters are for olds. A teen wearing a sweater is generally a nerd, a cynic, or a cynical nerd. Just another reason why Cher Horowitz is an icon.)

1/10 When Harry Met Sally...

Only a slight tinge of melancholy. Sure, Sally's been on some bad dates recently and she could probably stand to get laid. But it's autumn in New York and she's a fucking avatar of emotional well-adjustment. The sweater is perfectly fitted and perfectly tucked. God, she's in such great shape. 

+100 bonus points for Crystal serving proto Chris Evans in Knives Out realness

2/10 While You Were Sleeping

This ranking may appear controversially low, as Lucy Eleanor Moderatz is pretty fucking sad. She is alone at Christmas. Her beloved father is dead and she's fantasizing about an asshole she sees once a day from a public transit token booth. But you guys. This sweater. I've been searching for this sweater since 1995. It's enormous, yet beautifully shaped. It's the platonic ideal of coziness. SHE CAN LITERALLY HIDE PRESENTS IN HER SLEEVES. Sandy B is getting a break on the rent and peak Bill Pullman is about to lean over her, she's doing fine.

3/10 Bridget Jones Diary

Not great, but not precisely sad. Mark Darcy is at a shitty party wearing a dumb sweater and is about to thoughtlessly fuck up his romantic life. But his parents aren't the most embarrassing in the room, and he's got wine and gherkins. Things could be much worse. 

4/10 Practical Magic

 

The sadness of Sally Owens is legion, but she cried in her PJ's and she's got more pressing concerns now. She's got daughters to take care of and a thriving skincare business to run and an undead rapist to send to hell. This is a sweater that acknowledges that your sister is a glamorous fuck up with terrible taste in men, and then is ready to get down to business. It's lightly fitted, with the breathing room for serious magicks. 

(Maybe rethink the hair clips tho)

5/10 (500) Days Of Summer

 

This is where things start to take a turn for the more majorly sad. Tom is pretty pathetic. This is the saggy, washed out cardigan of a man who thinks that liking The Smiths is a meaningful character trait. It needs to be lain flat to dry, and so does Tom. But he still gets up in the morning, puts on a tiny tie, and goes to work. His depression is functional, and so is his sweater.

6/10 The Holiday- Cammy D edition

Amanda is sad in the way that only the thin, unhinged, and inexplicably wealthy can be. She has no friends. She doesn't know how to pronounce esophageal. The pristine whiteness of this cable knit is terrifying; the reckless abandon with which she waves a glass of pinot in front of it, even more so. You know that shit is dry clean only. Truly, a sadness touched with insanity.

7/ 10Love Actually, Colin Firth

The heaviest, darkest, most turtley-necked sweater to wear on a sadness vacation, sorry writer's retreat, in fucking France. What kind of whiny sack falls in love with someone with whom he cannot communicate at the most basic level? She's in her underwear, he's in an itchy monstrosity 3 sizes too big. This plot line can eat me like that collar is eating his chin.

8/10 Breakfast at Tiffany's

Who gave Holly Golightly the right to be so sad and look so good?? I spent my twenties sobbing on dozens of fire escapes and never came close. In a movie of iconic fashion, this sweatshirt is pre-American Apparel nonsense. Her soul is empty, but her hamper is apparently full because that's some laundry day shit. Her sad sweater is so sad, it trudged north and grew a depressive turban companion. 

9/10 High Fidelity and Love Actually 

 

Aka the asshole division. Above, a terrible boyfriend turned into a worse ex boyfriend in the worst fucking sweater I've ever seen. It's a Cosby sweater.  A COSBY SWEATER. And below, a creep who turned filming his best friend's wedding into an opportunity to stalk and who keeps that video WITH THE REST OF HIS REGULAR VIDEOS AND IS THAT A DETACHABLE COLLAR?? At least Rob exhibits some growth, Stalker McGee over there gets a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the ass from his movie. These guys are jerks and their sweaters are terrible.

10/10 The Holiday- Kate Winslet edition

 

The nadir of sartorial desperation. Like its wearer, Iris' sweater has given up. It has no color, no shape, and no options. It is a formless mass that won't even keep your neck warm, thereby necessitating The Stringy Scarf of Sadness. It is literally a sweater in which to contemplate suicide. Thank god Eli Wallach is waiting in the wings, because this is as bad as it gets.

Ok, I'm gonna go watch While You Were Sleeping. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT