in my brain there exists a little booth in the corner of a bar in los angeles where ryan oliver and lou get together to jot down the most insane talking points for their interviews that they can possibly imagine. it goes a little something like this....

lou: okay so you're gonna discuss buck thinking eddie and marisol broke up in episode one?

ryan: i wish...

oliver: yeah and i played it excited. fucking relieved idk.

lou: what should i say if they ask about buddie?

ryan: intimate. get the word intimate in there. that's my go to.

oliver: oh yeah yeah that's a good one.

lou: what if i say they're enjoying each other?

ryan and oliver in unison: PERFECT!!!

scarab like actually amazes me bc how is one character able to go between giving the vibes of cunty and sophisticated, or cringy control freak nerd, or unhinged shitgremlin so easily. mf has RANGE

i mean it probably helps that he's a shapeshifter with a design that's inconsistent as fuck on top of that, but like. its still nuts to me.

baby snoopy this, baby clifford that, baby gromit blah blah blah. what about baby kermit???????

i have been rearranged at a molecular level

this post & merthur

an underrated hozier tweet

the shot at the end when joel and ellie are driving away through the open bedroom window, how it slowly pans further and further back into the room but it doesn't invade bill and frank's privacy of their final moments together...

sorry actually tommy is perfect for buck's first guy. like they're both so embarrassing. buck talking about tommy's fake mouth static in an accidental plea to be kissed. tommy fluctuating between calling him evan and kid. on god you two are going to be so disgusting together and i love it so much.

the ao3 error logo really captures an indescribable emotion

do you know what. i almost don't want a double date. like yes that would be Everything to me and i will treasure it so deeply if that's what we get. but the idea of eddie and marisol going off to their table on the other side of the restaurant but eddie's fixated on buck and tommy. and it's just cutting between eddie being like "buck was being weird right? like that's not just me? he was being weird? do you think he's okay? he's not still feeling guilty about my ankle? i hope nothing's happened with tommy." and marisol's just like 😐 meanwhile buck's like wigging out fully like "shit tommy do you think he knows? not that i mind that he knows! like im really happy to be here with you and im not embarrassed or anything i judt kind of thought id get to tell him on my own terms. you don't think he knows do you? god what if he knows?" and tommy is realising that buck isn't Not in love with eddie, but he's very deeply in love with eddie and just doesn't realise it yet.

we as a collective do Not talk about this line delivery nearly enough and for good fucking reason, i'll kill bradley james for this one line alone. he's just a little boy :'((

i'm deeply deeply obsessed with the way tommy can make buck just. melt. like we haven't seen a lot of it and we already know he's smitten as all fuck but those few moments we get where all the tension seeps out of buck and he's just with tommy. they're so special to me. the "i guess it's just me that makes you nervous then" and when buck sees him in the cafe for the first time. the world just kind of fades away and buck is just sitting across from someone he really really fucking likes. and oliver stark i am in your walls.

imagine you're a guy finally admitting he's queer in his thirties in a macho field of first responders, you got to watch your coworker be an out and proud lesbian at your shitty station but you still don't feel like you can be yourself until you leave behind everyone who knows you for harbour, few years down the line an old coworker calls you to ask you to fly them into a hurricane, you say sure what's the worst that can happen, and maybe you want to repay the woman who showed you what bravery was, and there you meet a golden retriever of a man who is too much to think about in that situation actually, so you don't, but then after it all he puts a hand on your shoulder and smiles at you and maybe..., he calls you a few days later to ask for a tour, asks you out for a beer too but you can't quite tell whether it's platonic or not, you panicked and called him kid it's probably platonic, he shows up to a basketball game and you're pretty sure he's in love with his best friend, you mess with him just a little just for fun, but then things get bad and you go to try to smooth things over, you end up on his doorstep somehow, he's golden in the dim light of his loft and you want to kiss him but you've spent the last two weeks learning how deeply integrated he is into his best friend's family, he's not yours to kiss, except he's making fun of your fake mouth static and he's so close and he's asking to spend time with you and telling you that he wants to get to know you and admitting he wanted your attention, and well you kiss him, and he looks a little like he's just found religion but you make sure it's okay just to be safe and it is, it's okay and god you like him, you really like him, so you ask him on a date and he's breathless in his rush to accept and you really fucking like him, you pick him up at 8 on saturday, you take him to an intimate little italian restaurant, he's tense and looking around like he's waiting for someone to jump out on them and throw a bucket of rainbow glitter over their heads, you tell him about your own journey of self discovery and he listens, takes it a little like an accusation, starts rambling about being an ally, and you really fucking like him it's embarrassing.

tommy kinard the man that you are...

and if the kitchen stills from you don't know me are buck coming out to eddie? if eddie comes over to talk to buck about how fucking weird he's been recently, a little angry but a lot concerned? if buck starts getting smaller and smaller in that way only oliver stark can manage? if eddie notices and softens and asks in that gentle, no nonesense voice "buck, what is going on with you"? if buck's voice breaks as he says "eddie, i think i might be bisexual"? if all the wind is knocked out of eddie's sails and he just takes a moment to breathe in this new revelation and everything it could possibly mean? and if buck gets smaller and smaller as the silence goes on? and if eddie pulls him into a tight and tender hug that lasts a few seconds too long? what then?

Buck doesn't know how long they sit there in that café just talking. He's never had that before. The last time he'd done this, sat across from Natalia in the midday sun, he'd been excruciatingly aware of every passing minute as he tried to be fascinating to her, spun yarns of deaths and near-deaths and deathly comas. Here, now, Buck just exists and that seems to be more than enough for Tommy.

Tommy who hangs on his every word like Buck is the next Shakespeare even as he's rambling about rainbow emojis and allyship. Tommy whose smile is so big and wide that it carves the most beautiful caverns into his face that Buck kind of wants to live in. Tommy who grimaces every time he sips the coffee Buck bought him but dutifully drinks the whole thing over the course of their date even when Buck tells him he doesn't have to. Tommy who keeps muffling yawns into his fist every five minutes having just gotten off a twenty-four hour shift like he'd stay in that uncomfortable metal seat forever if he could.

It's the best second date of his life, so when Buck tells him to go home and get some sleep, he doesn't resist the urge to prolong the date for the few moments it takes him to walk Tommy to his car. With anyone else, so soon into whatever this might turn out to be, Buck would worry that it's too much too soon. But Tommy has been so loud in his affection even with how gentle he's made sure to stay. Buck wants to be as free in his wanting as Tommy as is, so he reaches out and slips his fingers between Tommy's, damn near euphoric when they begin to swing between them as they walk.

It takes a moment to drag his eyes up to Tommy's face, caught up in the feeling of a hand in his. It's not the first time he's held a hand, far from it. Not even the first time he's held a man's hand. But this isn't Eddie letting him squeeze his fingers as he screams in pain. This isn't Taylor indulging him every now and then. This is Tommy smiling softly down at their hands like he's as mesmerised by it as Buck is, the tips of his ears growing pink and sending a giddy thrill of satisfaction through him.

"Can I ask you something?" Tommy says, giving Buck's hand a happy little squeeze.

"Don't think there's a limit on second date questions," Buck replies.

"Evan." And, Jesus, there's something about the way Tommy says his name. Even when it's that chiding little tone that should remind him of his parents, all he feels is an overwhelming warmth, all he can hear is fondness.

"Of course you can." Buck grins and watches Tommy's smile crinkle his face all over again like he just can't help it.

"Why'd you choose that abomination of a coffee for me?" And Buck groans just to hear Tommy laugh. "Really? What even was that?"

"Black coffee four sugars," Buck mumbles, kicking a stone across the sidewalk sheepishly.

"Jesus, Evan." Tommy's laugh is something special, loud and unrestrained and the sound of sunshine maybe. "Why?"

"I-I don't know, I panicked!" Buck doesn't realise he's drifting away from Tommy until the man pulls him back in by their joined hands, and Buck lets the bump of their shoulders calm him. "Just thought, you know..." Buck turns towards Tommy's car, but Tommy drags him gently towards the Jeep, leaning against the door when they reach it.

"You just thought..."

"I don't know." He shrugs, heat rising to his cheeks under the weight of Tommy's bright-eyed attention, lowers his voice all the way. "It reminded me of you."

"What was that?" Tommy grins, using the excuse to move in a little closer.

"It reminded me of you," Buck repeats, clearer this time, more confident. "You know, bit foreboding on the outside, but all sweet on the inside."

"Christ, you really are adorable," Tommy breathes, sounding as effected as Buck feels.

A kaleidoscope of butterflies swarms in his stomach, delightfully unfamiliar to him but already intoxicating, almost addicting.

It's not two men stood on a busy sidewalk in the middle of the day then. It's just Buck and someone he really fucking likes, someone he hasn't been able to stop thinking about for a week, someone he's only kissed once somehow. And suddenly that's a fact that absolutely should be rectified.

Buck steps forward, leaning up just ever so slightly on his toes, and kisses Tommy right there in the middle of LA. And it just feels right. Overwhelming in the best of ways. It's a quick press of lips, something more suited to the schoolboy he feels than the very adult man he is, not the kiss he wants but the kiss they both need. Chaste and lovely. A hello again. A beginning.

Tommy's free hand ghosts against his jaw, a flutter of a touch as Buck falls back onto his heels and takes a breath. It takes Tommy a few moments to open his eyes which means Buck gets to watch them flutter open, dazed and delighted.

"Get some sleep, Tommy," Buck tells him, finally letting go of his hand with a squeeze. "Text me when you wake up."

"Yessir," Tommy murmurs.

And Buck can't resist another kiss then, just as quick and chaste, anything else dangerous to Buck's self-restraint, before he unlocks the Jeep and climbs in. Tommy waves him off, and Buck glances back just in time to see Tommy's hand falling down to his lips as if to chase Buck's touch.