i habe so many books i want to read

sorry for vanishing on yall i went to take a nap (for like 9 months)

headcanons about the obey me! brothers and the devildom that no-one asked for, in no particular order. because why not :)

> asmodeus is kind of against piercings that aren't in the ear because they're 'tacky' and unsavoury.

> mammon had an aeroplane phase. he eventually settled on cars, but there are still a few plane magazines stashed in his wardrobe.

> lucifer has grey hair but like. way more than you'd think. he's just really good at hiding it. he may or may not have used some sort of magic to hide it, until eventually he gives up and starts to let it show. that's why in some artwork/pictures he has grey streaks, and in some he has none.

> beelzebub has tried to eat so many of the paintings in the HoL that they have to be sealed with magic, lest he devour another family portrait.

> barbatos' tail is "slimy" or "slick" because it's actually poisonous, like those frogs. that's why he doesn't like people touching it, except for that one picture where Solomon tries to touch it (i reckon he got tired of him trying to touch it so he just allows him to be poisoned lmao)

> demons will eat humans. this is a known fact, although it's usually only very low-level demons who are starving, or have succumbed to their sins completely who eat humans. beelzebub has thought about it a few times but he likes MC far too much to truly consider eating them.

> expanding on the last point, the Devildom is overpopulated. im calling it. i headcanon that demons (particularly glutton demons) casually partake in cannibalism. there are too many demons/other species and as such, the laws basically don't exist. the answer to overpopulation is basically murder, or cannibalism.

> the brothers don't try and tone down the more "demon" elements of themselves around MC until someone mentions that humans don't really like that kind of thing. MC has seen some SHIT man.

> leviathan refuses to eat fish or seafood because of Henry 2.0. mammon has 100% tricked him into eating like a fishcake or something. he definitely cried a lot that day.

> i think all of the brothers snore, except for belphegor (ironic huh). asmodeus adamantly denies snoring, but he does. mammon snores the loudest obviously. everyone else just snores a normal amount, and lucifer falls asleep in his chair/on the sofa a lot so his snoring is heard the most. he's a dad at heart.

> satan hates that people mistake him for lucifer. that's obvious. he hates it so much that he once wrote a book on the subject, under a pen name, and it was surprisingly popular. he doesn't think anyone knows he wrote it, but lucifer knows. he simply never said anything because he was secretly proud of satan for how well he could write.

hopefully these make sense. god i forgot just how much this game actually made me think. i love world building yarhhhhggh

> asmodeus is deathly afraid of head lice. that's it that's the headcanon.

oh yeah the ole ask box is open. send me asks im so desperate ill take anything

In the books, Sirius's devotion to Harry is of course very deep, but it never translates to something physical. He only shakes Harry's end when he leaves his bedside in book 4, and in book 5 there is something resembling a hug, like twice...? As a dog he stood up his hind legs and front paws on harry's shoulders and a half hug after Christmas. Idk it sort of drives me crazy, because in the movies Harry and Sirius are so affectionate! That first hug when Harry arrives in Grimmauld!! Gary and Dan had an amazing chemistry that other actors were jealous of, they mirrored the book characters, so it palpable on screen, the few scenes Gary is in at all at least.

So, what do you make of this? Do you in musing for art imagine a more affectionate relationship between Harry and Sirius? Maybe if Sirius survived the war? Molly's hug in book 4 was a poignant moment but imo that should have been a moment between Sirius and Harry. Sirius already says he expected something catastrophic to happen to Harry in the third task, that's what he stutters when Harry comes in with Dumblebore. So he is literally afraid of his godsons life and it still shows of course, Sirius staying at Harry's side was very beautifully written, like the devotion is clear, but I am foaming at the mouth for more affection between them in canon? Platonic, not shipping. So between the movies and the books Im just kinda torn what's better

It's more a rant than an ask, sorry lol, but if you have any input I'd he so stoked to read it. Not many peeps in the fandom even give Sirius and Harry any time of day, nvrmind even understand what they had (which also drives me kinda nuts but ok)

Ohhhh, anon, you’ve come to the right spot! Mostly because I love them. I would say that 80% of my fandom interest is just Sirius being a dad to Harry.

To your question, I don’t think one is better than the other. Each has their purpose. Let me share my thoughts:

1. I am soft for movie Sirius and Harry’s affectionate touching. However. The dynamics of their relationship were NOT mirrored from the books, which…is fine. Honestly, I just don’t think it was a priority for the filmmakers. This particular bit doesn’t bother me because the movies are not supposed to replace the source material—they are an interpretation. To me, watching the movies is like reading fic—fun to watch but not canon. Also, the filmmakers removed so much of their relationship in GoF that they HAD to make Sirius and Harry physically affectionate in order for movie audiences to see what losing Sirius would mean to Harry. Their complexity is completely unexplored in the films, and they had to do SOMETHING to get the audience to feel sad when Sirius died. This started in PoA when they really downplayed the context of their relationship. (Lol, see my rant on PoA. I really don’t like that movie hahahahaha.)

2. In the books, Harry and Sirius are not physically affectionate with each other despite their intense love for each other, and I think this is an effective way to show characterization. As I tell my students, this might have been intentional by the author, but it could have been an instinct that she followed (what feels right for the characters).

Here’s what I think: both are so terrified of losing the other that they won’t allow themselves to get too close, and, crucially, they both fear showing vulnerability. Touching someone and reaching out for a hug or comfort is an extremely vulnerable thing to do. If you reach out for a hug, you are showing your true feelings. To be rejected physically is sometimes more devastating than someone telling you to just “go away.” It’s a sign of trust to touch someone—you are trusting that they feel the same way about you, and you are trusting that they won’t pull away. Both Sirius and Harry understand rejection, and both avoid it. How do you avoid rejection? You distance yourself.

I’ll put the rest under a cut because I think this might get long…

Sirius and Harry, for all that they love each other, fall out of trusting each other by OotP. Part of this is trauma, but it is also miscommunication. Harry is worried that Sirius will do something stupid—either out of concern for Harry or because he wants to get out of number 12–but he’s worried he’ll lose Sirius. So by withholding affection (which I’m not sure if he knows how to give physically), Harry distances himself from Sirius which will, theoretically, keep Sirius safe (of course, it backfires). Sirius is…you know…going through stuff in OotP. He is already vulnerable—he perceives himself as being emasculated because he’s not allowed to leave his childhood home and he’s relegated to performing ‘uninteresting, domestic work’, and he must be inactive when he’s a man OF action.

When it comes to Goblet of Fire and the odd handshake… I think Sirius is reeeeeally holding back. Harry does NOT want him to go, and Sirius knows this. (Why DOES Dumbledore send him away? Literally anyone else could have “alerted the old crowd” and NOT the convicted murderer. This is clearly the author’s excuse to get Sirius away from Harry—and, I’ve spoken to this before, Sirius is too much of a miracle character—too smart, too loyal, too loving to support the story that the author wanted to tell.) Sirius, if he had stayed, would have been the emotional support that Harry needed. So if Sirius holds Harry, what if Harry doesn’t let go? What if Sirius himself can’t let go? A handshake will have to do.

So Sirius leaves Harry with that bizarre handshake. That Sirius leaves at all damages their relationship—it could have been repaired with time (if they’d been allowed time), but this moment makes Harry realize that he cannot rely on anyone, not even Sirius. This leaves Harry to be isolated in OotP, and it leaves him to feel like he cannot trust anyone. I’m not blaming Sirius for leaving, but I believe this action causes a rift between them that carries into the next book.

My point is, I HATE that they don’t touch but it is very important that they don’t, at least when it comes to the story that the author wanted to tell. I think it was the right move when we look at the story as a whole. Do I like it? NO! But it’s interesting, and it DOES feel right for them. Is it devastating? Yes!!!!!!!

TL;DR: I don’t think either interpretation is necessarily better than the other, but they both have their purpose. Both are effective!

Touch is…huge in HP. Consider Voldemort’s “I can touch him now” and causing Harry pain. Touch is a privilege, and to be touched without permission is a violation. Harry kills someone by touching them. He is only touched by his family when Dudley beats him up or he gets shoved in his cupboard.

Weirdly, one of my absolutely favorite moments when Sirius and Harry touch is in PoA when the Dementors are closing in on Sirius, Harry, and Hermione, and Harry, as he’s about to faint, reaches out to grab an unconscious Sirius by the arm, thinking something along the lines of “the dementors weren’t going to take him” and such. And this is about two seconds after Harry has accepted that Sirius is telling the truth! Harry physically tethers Sirius to him—this touch-starved teen reaches out to this man who is now everything to him, who is now his only real family, willing to risk death (or worse) to keep it. BUT THEY JUST MET!!!!! Devastating!!!

Also…another thought: the first time Sirius and Harry touch is the first time Sirius has been touched as a human in twelve years. And Harry is beating the absolute shit out of him…and then Sirius nearly strangles him…

Also, also, not to like…self-promote, but if you want some Sirius & Harry family feelings and a wee bit of affectionate touching, I wrote a one-shot where they talk about their feelings in OotP.

Anyway, this got longer than I thought. Thank you for the prompt!!

tuesday again 9/19/2023

unknown flu-like-symptoms-but-not-the-flu-or-COVID problems

listening

no one particular thing has been stuck in my head so here are two short little things

new release Strike by La Femme is a delightful synthy one-minute sketch of a car chase in the pouring rain. spotify

Trumpet Sketches - Remastered by Janko Nilovic is a 1:40 doodle. when the organ hits... spotify

i have been following La Femme ever since i loved their credits song for As Above So Below, and the trumpet sketches are off the spotify recommended

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reading

actually finished this book last tuesday, still reading berserk, but i don't have coherent berserk thoughts bc im still stuffing my entire elbow into my mouth and screaming about it.

The Stolen Coast, by Dwyer Murphy, has a lot of problems. the first problem is that the publisher bills it as a "noir jewel heist" novel when it is in fact a vibes novel about being sad and trapped in massachusetts. which, mood! but very much not what i or any other goodreads reviewer signed up for.

ABOUT THE STOLEN COAST Adrift in a sleepy coastal Massachusetts town, a man who ferries fugitives by day gets twisted up in a plot to pilfer diamonds in this Casablanca-infused heist novel.

Casablanca is a real fuckin goddamn reach. this is like saying Home Alone 2 and The Taking of Pelham 123 are similar bc they both have pivotal scenes in subways. when you are expecting a cool noir jewel heist and you get a vibes book, it feels very meandering and indecisive with exceptionally poor pacing and very light on the plot. dwyer knows how to put a sentence together, and there is a high degree of aesthetic polish, but i lived in mass and found myself filling in a lot of the vibes from lived experience. this is a book that expects you to already know *extremely* minute regional accent differences.

i often found myself more interested in the antagonist lawyer and his wife (who has a standing weekly appointment to fuck her bodyguard at the region's finest wedding destination hotel, and orders champage afterwards every week) than the protagonists of our story. the femme fatale loops all the way back around to manic pixie, which i didn't know was possible for a woman to do. as an example of the aesthetic polish but editorial disarray of the book, wherein we know so much about our protagonists but so little of it is relevant, i was convinced that "our main man Jack is a Harvard lawyer" was a long running gag for most of the book (a la "our good for nothing son is actually Very Important and just slumming it here") and was actually quite anxious to see if the actual lawyer would ferret him out, but no. jack is actually a real lawyer but it simply does not fucking matter.

there are a. number of happenings that mr murphy tries to pass off as luck and just like Ha Ha Things Just Break Like That Sometimes but it really just feels like acts of god. their planned heist breaks bad for them with no consequences and then breaks very well for them with very few consequences. this is not a long book. the actual heist felt like filling time.

it's a book that's very very good at capturing the New England depression and sense of stagnancy, for want of a nail etc, the bizarre little self-important snow globe everyone lives in, but everyone has such small ambitions. this is sort of the point of noir, that the rot never actually changes no matter what you do, but the protag is the perpetrator of the rot? this is largely a personal crisis that he’s choosing not to address. perhaps most unforgivably, for such a short book it dragged a whole fuck of a lot.

i have been betrayed by whoever did this npr book review

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watching

Forty Guns (1957, dir Fuller). this is the most movie reviewer ass section ive written in a minute. this one is for sickos only. it is not an interesting movie by itself (choppy and kind of messy) but it is an interesting movie if you know the limitations of the genre and the hays code it's slamming up against.

there is simply So Much that happens in this movie (from the very good Criterion Collection essay):

While the story sounds rather tidy in summary, the plot of Forty Guns is rife with intrigue and action—juggling political corruption, theft, betrayal, an unwanted pregnancy, a serious maiming, three romances, four murders, and a suicide. 

there's some oddly dorky but endearing straight people visual and verbal double entendre. visually unique but does not stick its landing, and i don't know that i love the original ending as opposed to the studio ending either.

it gets a solid B on the "westerns i would let other people watch" list. not one of the top three movies to convince someone that some westerns are good actually, but a fun little weird offshoot of the genre.

why did i watch this: surely by seeing a post from another cowboyblogger? it was fairly recently added to my letterboxd watchlist, but the why of it i could not tell you

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playing

im convinced theres a bug in the Court of Fontaine region in g/enshin bc i have been stuck at 97% for several weeks now. tick over to 100% godddamnit.

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making

acquired all the stuff to dye a couch cover, have not actually dyed the couch cover, due to being down with some sort of sickness

*years later* thanks so much for the tag @lovelybeautifulpretty!! cant recall if i warned u before but i tend to go buckwild with these, sorry and your welcome :D

Here are top 10 fav films and surprise surprise, im just a hot mess of eclectic tastes 🤷‍♀️ in no particular order:

Robocop

This 80s masterpiece is a smart political satire/social commentary disguised as a comic book/action revenge movie that interweaves hilarious dark humor, ultraviolence and science fiction in a simple yet seamless plot. It will honestly SHOCK you just how much it has to say on American evolutions in capitalism, media influence, desensitization to violence, gentrification, and our perception of heroes, each in service of a greater conversation about identity and culture.

Atonement

I consider this film the pinnacle of an angsty/doomed romance executed perfectly on-screen: the performances, the cinematography, the music, EVERYTHING!! Funny story, me & the girlfriends went to see this in theaters expecting a typical period romance; left completely snot-dripping, bawling our eyes out. I shit you not, i felt the utter devastation from this film for WEEKS

Amelie

If there was a film to define the term "whimsy" then this is it!! Its so creatively rich, with such a fun and sweet art style in the characters, the way its filmed, the music, the romance- it'll make your heart ache for days.

Inglorious Basterds

I'm a big whore for Tarantino ever since Reservoir Dogs, but I consider film his ABSOLUTE masterpiece. The comedically distinct characters, the sharpness of dialogue, how he builds up the tension of scenes to the point of explosion with just a simple conversation- *CHEFS KISS*

Children of Men

This dystopian sci fi drama was made in 2005 but with all the social commentary woven into the background of the story, it is eerily topical in today's tumultuous political & social climate (which is very telling about us as a society I suppose). The director Alfonso Cuaron is a master at "show don't tell" filmmaking and it SHOWS. Also the tracking long shots in this film are something to witnessed, beheld even. Masterpiece.

Bridget Jones' Diary

My absolute FAV romantic comedy, i totally relate to this bumbling, epic disaster of a woman, even more so now that i'm 30+ like her. Fun fact, the plot is heavily inspired by Pride & Prejudice which is probably why i love it so much. Also Colin Firth 🥵 (which leads me to another fun fact- he was cast as Mark Darcy mainly due to the author's crush on him from his portrayal of Mr. Darcy in the 1996 BBC miniseries which put him on the map, and rightly so. I know the film adaption is super popular, but any P&P fan NEEDS to watch this version, so so good)

Chicago

This musical ruined all theater musicals for me forever- the film adaptation is THAT good!!! The spectacle, the numbers, the PERFORMANCES- Catherine Zeta Jones slayed as Velma Kelly (also my ovaries), i love it so much that i watched it 3 times back to back on a flight i honestly couldnt get enough lol

Kung Fu Hustle

This film is Stephen Chow's magnum opus- an action comedy that blends kung-fu and all sorts of historical chinese references and homages of the directors favorite films, you can tell the passion and the fun that went into making this film and it really REALLY shows. I consider this a perfect execution of what a live-action anime could be, this film is an absolute blast and classic

Annihilation

I've got a bit of a cosmic/existential horror kink (where a form of media makes you question the world/life as we know it or triggers an existential crisis) and this film gets it RIGHT. It's a philosophical sci-fi thriller but is so much more with its themes of pain and identity, exploration of humanity's disposition for self destruction but also its unsettling visuals and soundtrack. Funny story, the sound design is so alien/unsettling that it spooked my cat from her nap and got her staring at the screen with wide eyes and an arched back trying to figure out what the eff was going on (me as well).

Also love how its an all female cast but its never mentioned in-film; just a bunch of capable women going to take care of business (i didnt even notice until my 2nd watch)- im a fan of this approach as it in effect "normalizes" this scenario whereas calling it out as if its special just highlights how it's an exception...anyway, its a horrifically beautiful film.

Sicario

Denis Villeneuve can do no wrong in my eyes (nor cinematographer Roger Deakins), a beautifully shot thriller that serves as a social commentary on how laws are meant to be broken, lines are drawn and then erased when convenient, as long as it serves a so-called greater purpose, that keeping a moral code is a futile effort. Brilliant performed and written, nuanced characters, glorious cinematography and a killer soundtrack (RIP Johan Johansson), A+++++

alright sorry for the long rambling post, cant help myself! Tagging a bunch a folks that seem alive per my notifs, no pressure of course!!!

@writebecauseyoucannotbreathe @nuri148 @your-lavender-dreams @warbarbie @levi4mikasa @onigiri-dorkk @helena-thessaloniki @misplacedgamer @lovely-apparitions @ally147writes @stalactice @vero-icon @mylienated @hellhorsedotjpg @magicalanchordestiny

NO OKAY BUT THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THIS CHANCE BECAUSE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS ALWAYS (and this ask will immediately identify me to anyone who knows me bc im literally the only person in the world who cares) but please never read N.K. Jemisin's "The City We Became." She's won three hugos in a row and thats very impressive, nothing but love and respect to my sister who has Made It and Paved the Way for more of us to go forward. I haven't actually read her hugo winners and i'd like to, but unfortunately i started with The City We Became and now i hold a Grudge.

Why:

on the surface this book is a Cool Woke Twist on lovecraftian horror set in new york city. the basic premise is fun: the avatars of the boroughs of new york forming together to help their city become a fully fledged cosmic entity of a sort. the villain here is the literal spirit of gentrification, and while theres a lot of good things that could come from that set up, the actual execution makes it an absolute agony to get through. everything is so hamfisted and somehow smug about recognizing the most basic ideas. its too smug and condescending to appeal to anyone in the center, its ideas too juvenile to appeal to anyone in the left, and its weird flat characterization of the villains as The Most Cartoonishly Evil Cops/N*zis You Can Think Of kind of makes the conflict feel... empty. It's hard to explain without experiencing it, but i cannot recommend anyone actually read it. or maybe u should just so i can finally talk to other people about this, maybe im insane for feeling this way.

some favorite moments of mine, in no particular order:

-the multiple instances of a side character being introduced, having their race and tragic backstory exposited in one sentence, and then they vanish, never to appear in the narrative again

-white supremacists attack the indie art museum on twitter. thankfully they start a counter hashtag and the entire situation wraps up in under 24 hours. they go from "we have to fire all of you bc of pressure from these assholes" to "actually its fine" bc of twitter. i dont even think its supposed to be part of the magic of the city or whatever. its an incredible sequence.

-"he shot out of the pool like a child fired from a hot buttered child cannon"

-theres a bit where the author sets up a neat fight between a character who does a cool transformation and a REALLY neat monster. u will not see that fight play out. that scene isnt in the book. just the leadup and the aftermath. why even bother.

-one of the main characters has a tumblr but its obvious the author hasnt like... used tumblr. this isnt a major sin but it is funny

-really have to state again that theres a line in this book that reads "hot buttered child cannon." this also isnt a sin, this is maybe poetry.

-its labeled as adult fiction, it feels like its trying to go for grit and gore and sex in places, but its also weirdly shy about engaging directly with a lot of that stuff. this one might (MIGHT) actually be a style thing, admittedly most of my nitpicks surround one specific character who has a reason to be Like That, but i also have issues with her as a whole that i do not have space 2 get into here. regardless, a lot of this book feels like ya somehow, but the concepts its playing with and some of the scenes DO also make it feel too adult to really suit that either. its... weird.

its kind of a mess in a lot of places, and honest to god it sort of drags in the middle. if you DO pick it up, i recommend the audiobook. the narrator does a fantastic job, and they do some fun sound design in a few places. unfortunately the story itself is kind of hollow. it has a lot of diversity, but the way so many of those diverse characters are tossed out for brownie points and discarded, the way so many characters go into these preachy little rants about VERY basic ideas like "white supremacy bad" its just...

im sure that the author meant well. this book wouldve raised the bar for its representation in like... 2014. maybe thats when she started writing it, idk. unfortunately it came out in 2020 and i think it just feels Dated in a very strange way.

u dont have 2 publish any of this also ofc, im just always here to Unrecommend this book. unfortunately theres a sequel and some part of me is holding out hope that the author fixed some of the things i took issue with in the intervening years, so im bound to this series via curse. even if i hate this one, i know theres gonna be at least one more, and maybe *that* one will fix it-

do not be like me.

This ask was a ride from start to finish. I feel like I was shot out of a hot buttered child cannon.

Book asks: 3, 16, 20

3. What were your top five books of the year?

(in no particular order!!)

The Sparrow, Mary Doria Russell. instlantly entered maybe my top 10 books of all time. absolutely phenomenal book. i dont even know what to say about it

The Fifth Season, N.K. Jemisin. this series ABSOLUTELY lives up to the fucking hype, i adore it. obelisk gate was also phenomenal, im just counting it as part of the series (still have stone sky on my shelf but havent gotten to it yet)

House of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski. a book that seemed designed for me specifically to go bonkers about it, i could talk about it for hours and hours

Underland, Robert Mcfarlane. Macfarlane's style occassionally isn't my favorite (a bit too prose-y for nonfiction for my taste) but i appreciate a book about underground spaces by someone who clearly understands their weight and also their beauty

World War Z, Max Brooks. this one was unexpected! but it's a fascinating way to tell a story about zombies, and brooks does a really good job of actually imagining what this world would look like. i find myself thinking of a few chapters all the time

16. What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

unfortunately Ancillary Justice, Ann Leckie. it's a book that i very much wanted to like but found myself unable to meet on it's terms and sort of walked away feeling unsatisfied. never been able to articulate exactly why!

20. What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

im not watching too many releases, i think the most recent murderbot book was the only one i was particularly looking forward to!! its sitting on my shelf but i haven't read it yet so i cant judge if it meets expectations yet

This’ll only make sense if you’ve ever been into Harry Potter as well as Percy Jackson, if it makes sense at all, but:

Everybody always talked about if Harry had been raised by McGonagall he would’ve stopped Voldemort in his first year, how he’d have been top of the class along with all the rest of it, etc, and basically how they wanted to see that.

But we’ve got that in Jason. I get we collectively don’t really like Hera, because let’s face it, she kind of sucks. But despite them being the same person, Juno is a totally different person. Mars was way better than Ares, Somnus was way different than Hypnos, and Juno was different snd better than Hera. And Juno is so like McGonagall.

They’re both towering intimidating women in caretaker positions, but the kids around them (specifically Harry/Jason) also have them as a secret sort of motherly figure when push comes to shove. They’re the women that are always there guiding them and teaching them, that they can turn to in a pinch, and when looked at deeper they do kind of see/treat as a mother figure. They’re both reserved and quiet, very intelligent, strict on the outside but got massive soft spots for the kids (McGonagall with basically every student, Juno with the entirety or New Rome as their patron at least) and for their one motherless kid in particular.

Now, obviously I’m taking slight liberties with Jason here because we didn’t get nearly as much Jason/Juno content as we did Harry/McGonagall content. But I at least totally believe everything I’m saying.

There’s that scene in Ravenclaw tower in the last book where the Carrows go after McGonagall and Harry fucks them up for daring to lay a finger on her, and you really get the parental thing there.

Jason did save Juno of course in The Lost Hero, but granted, he was just following orders and not really knowing why. But he still did it, and I put his nonchalance down to amnesia. I am convinced pre-HoO Jason with all his memories would have positively leapt to Juno’s aide the second anyone dared threaten her.

Im not being funny, but Jupiter was AWOL the whole time, they basically even said it in HoO about the Titan War from what little he remembered. It definitely would’ve happened like fighting the giants. Jupiter probably hardly ever, if ever, said a word to him and all the help he got was a lightning bolt from his dad. And you don’t even NEED a god to take down a Titan, so maybe Jupiter didn’t even bother in the first war at all.

Jupiter was the equivalent of the Dursley’s. Actually related by blood and supposed to be responsible for this kid, but did fuck all and didn’t even seem to like him much.

Juno was his patron, effectively a guardian. It would’ve been Juno most likely that gave him counsel if anyone did. Would’ve been Juno expressing even a modicum of pride or approval after the war if anyone did. She was his McGonagall.

She would’ve been way more of a role model, an example for Jason to live up to. Jason basically lived by the Roman motto of the strong protect the weak. Where do you think he got that from? When was the last time Jupiter helped anybody? But Juno was Rome’s patron, she protected the Legion and she cared. He would’ve been more likely to see that in practise and emulate it. He was her champion so he’s make her proud and be New Rome’s first line of defence.

And Jason was smart and accomplished just like everyone’s idea of Harry if he’d been raised by McGonagall. We’ve got it right here in PJO and everybody’s sleeping on it. Rick has got to hurry up with those Roman prequels because I am losing my goddamn mind.

YES i want to hear what pokemon the last-lifers would be

OKAY okay okay i had SOOO much fun doing this, i spent hours looking through my pokemon book and even looking up some when i couldn't find one that matched perfectly. Some of these are based off of vibes and favoritism of pokemon, but i swear that i have great reasons for every pokemon i chose and i put real thought behind these. We’ll go in order of the pokemon alphabetically. !!Also, I have to make this in two posts bc of the ten-image limit. !! Ok? Ok!

Jimmy -> Absol (Dark Pokemon)

Ok this is literally the y/n pokemon. It even gets wings in its mega evolution!! But it matches jimmy for one important reason: the Absol showing up is a sign that a disaster is about to happen. Y’know, like a canary. (Fun fact: there is no canary pokemon, which is vv surprising to me.) Anyways the absol’s mega evolution can kill people by flapping its wings at them LOL. smth smth grian in 100hrs and all that

2. Martyn -> Chesnaught (Grass-Fighting Pokemon)

There are two reasons why I chose Chesnaught for martyn. One, i wanted him to be a grass type, bc idk he wears green!! It fits him. And two, i wanted him to be loyal. The enty for this pokemon says, “When its friends are in trouble, Chesnaught uses its own body as a shield. Its shell is tough enough to protect it from a powerful explosion.” So. that seems pretty loyal to me. I almost chose Sawsbuck, the deer pokemon, because it changes with the season and Martyn used to do that (his main skin is technically his “spring skin”, but i thought going for smth more focused on loyalty would be best.

3. Tango - Cyndaquil (Fire Pokemon)

I HAD to make tango a fire type, you know i couldnt not. This is an example of my favoritism, bc honestly i could have chosen any other fire type pokemon, but this ones always been my favorite. Anyways, this guy’s flames get hotter with its emotions, and prone to angry outbursts (cough cough last life lmao).

4. Joel -> Gengar (Ghost-Poison Pokemon)

I chose this guy simply bc of how SKRUNKLY he is. The bulbapedia describes him as, “… very mischievous, and at times, malicious. It enjoys playing practical jokes and casting curses, such as pretending to be one's shadow, then behaving erratically.” Very joel-y, in my opinion.

5. Ren -> Houndoom (Dark-Fire Pokemon)

This one was interesting. Theres no end to dog pokemon, but this one in particular was listed as loyal (It cooperates with others skillfully. When it becomes your partner, it's very loyal to you as its Trainer and will obey your orders) Seeing how in third and last life ren was ride-or-die with his chosen team, i thought this one was best. Also, its SUPER edgy so i thought it fit, given his tendency for dramatics (/lh). A high contender for Ren was the Aegislash, a sword pokemon that was commonly used by royalty, but its lore was a taaad too regicidal – and honestly, homicidal in general – to make the cut. (no pun intended)

6. Etho -> Lucario (Fighting-Steel Pokemon)

When i was choosing a pokemon for etho, i knew for a fact i wanted it to be a fighting type. This pokemon can sense the auras around people and pokemon and predict their movements. Etho has always felt like a very strategic guy to me, thought tbh im not sure if that was propaganda from the ethogirls or if its from my own perception of the guy. Anyways, they seemed to match each other. I almost chose the Oshawatt, bc idk i like the vibes, but it wasnt a fighting type.

7. Scott -> Lurantis (Grass Pokemon)

When looking for a pokemon for scott i wanted it to be some sort of flower-like pokemon, with the whole flower husbands and his love for cute things, but i wanted it to have a solid head on its shoulders. This pokemon is based off of the Orchid mantis, which i have been fascinated with for ages. It looks so pretty!! Anyways, this pokemon both looks like a flower and is known for its “elegant moves”. It is also very discerning when it comes to who it is loyal to. If you dont take care of it well enough, it wont trust you. I feel like that works for Scott a lot because he wont team up with anyone unless he really thinks its worth it.

OKAY thats the end of the first post, ill post the other one real quick!!

Im going to start writing a book, do you have any tips, Frank?

Also can you draw me your homestuck oc

I'm glad you're writing a book!

I didn't read much homestuck before the hiatus, but the characters that stick in my head are mostly the ones who appear in the comic that was created during Homestuck 2.1; here are some of them (in no particular order):

Eridan Ampora: one of the most flamboyant characters in HS. If you haven't already heard about him, you should, because he gets a lot of screen time in HS2; he's the "Eridan" of the song "The Burden of Being a God" in Homestuck 2

Caliborn: Caliborn is (as I understand it) a composite character, with a lot of influences from a bunch of other characters I'm less familiar with (as it turns out I still haven't read Caliborn's original story). I'm familiar with Caliborn's HS era, so this is how I think about his character: he's Caliborn. He's basically the same thing Caliborn was supposed to be at the end of HS. He's just grown up a little

Aradia: also a character with a lot of influences, in HS 2

Vriska Serket: my favorite character, but also someone with a lot of different influences in the comic. It's hard for me to talk about how I understand her (which I think I've done here)

Dave Strider: Dave is sort of my standard Homestuck archetype, the person who feels weird for having a name, but also has a lot of strong and unusual traits. (I once wrote about "Dave" in a post about how I had read Homestuck 2 because I felt that it was a "good example" of him. So it goes)

Homestuck-specific characters:

Aradia Megido: I mentioned her in that Caliborn post -- she is a very distinct and complex and memorable character, which I think contributes to my sense of the "homestuck" style

Jade Harley: I remember when she was first introduced, and she has the same kind of impact. It's good to go back and pay attention to her again, even now

Andrew Hussie: the author of Homestuck, but in a very special way that's hard to explain. Also a lot of his characters are "good Homestuck archetypes" so it's good to read his comics

Kanaya Maryam: I have mixed feelings about Kanaya, but in HS she has some moments that stick out in my memory, and it would be fun to look back and see those moments again

So that's where I'm at right now. I'm sure I'm missing some things that are important in HS, but this is what I can remember about reading HS in the summer before the hiatus.

Anyway, thank you for asking! Here's a link to a PDF of the first page of the (almost entirely blank) outline of a story I hope to eventually write: http://nostalgebraist.neocities.org/hs_story_1.pdf.

ridi ridi hiiii !!! how are youuu how was yr dayyy i started mine off by rereading yr otiofad ficc did you know every sentence in it is a masterpiece did you know every word is like worthy of an auditoriumesque applause now yk i wanted to ask you to talk about that particular bit tho (if you wouldn't mind ofc !!) where sirius slams the book shut on an insect bc it's sooo like it's sooo !! it reads like premonition and also like r can't help but be wary of s and s can't help but be just like capable of harm regardless of intention & carelessly and i think it's sooo genius I think yr soooo genius for that and if you have more to say abt what that bit meant to youu + process of writing it + foreshadowing you wanted to get across w it etc. etc. i would be vv interested to hear <333 mwah love you loads xx

hello my lovely omg!!! my day was GOOD actually surprisingly good i am recovering from my illnesses and i played badminton and ate tangerines it was a very content day!! how was yours!! also warning you now in advance i wrote way too long a reply to this. like WAY too long NOBODY needed this im so sorry!! the very final paragraph provides like a little tl;dr you DO NOT need to read the essay that is under the cut!! im so sorry!!

okay firstly the idea that someone would not only read one of my little stories but read it more than once?? crazy actually!! insane!! so glad that it could be a part of ur morning n i would love to talk abt it!! hang on opening it in a new tab rn let me remember what it was i actually wrote huh lol

firstly with the flashback scenes in otiofad in general they had to serve two different purposes. they obviously needed to show the intense love and intimacy between the boys prior to The Incident, in order to juxtapose the post-prank scenes and serve as a marker for measuring the size of the rift in their relationship that its caused (which is why theres lots of kissing and cuddling and cloying monologues in the flashback scenes), but at the same time they had to demonstrate the little parts of their relationship which are a little bit fucked! a little bit unhealthy and obsessive. and they had to portray sirius as a person who has the capacity to do what he ends up doing. i didnt want to accidentally work against myself by over-idealizing their relationship to the point where it became difficult to believe sirius could be so thoughtless as to do what he does. like if ive just made you read fifteen hundred words of him being the Best Boyfriend Ever and then switch to him begging forgiveness for an attempted murder, his character becomes a little disjointed, and i really wanted it to feel like you're consistently reading the same people, just in very different circumstances. so the flashbacks very much needed to stress their intensity rather than their health as a couple.

im definitely roaming beyond the parameters of your question (but i promise it all circles back xx) but some of the sort of. i dont want to say red flag as much as cause for concern moments that i tried to include especially in the flashbacks include for instance: [Sirius says that sort of thing often, and with a confidence that Remus cannot ever fathom. Good god, how he would like to ask Sirius, them or me, that or me, and never fear the answer.] in the first scene, because i think remus' low self-esteem and his insecurity definitely affects their relationship + how he perceives it, which isn't anyone's fault as much as it is just them being young and imperfect like. theyre like sixteen here nobody had it together when they were sixteen right :-/ you have sirius utterly utterly obsessed with being in love with remus declaring that he doesnt want anything else from life and he's. sixteen years old. he's got no idea. like its that sort of rashness and impulsivity when he's speaking and acting which ends up fucking him over :-/

TO GET BACK to the bit you actually asked about (im so sorry for how long this is <3) the part where he closes the book on the spider. i mean honestly ur interpretation in the ask is pretty spot on!! its another one of the little stitches in the flashback scenes that sort of...slightly changes/sobers/brings the tone back down the reality a little, after theyve spent most of the scene cuddling and kissing etc. i'd already sort of tried (and i want to emphasise try at every point in this answer sfdghsh because i am not necessarily claiming that any of this was necessarily successful lol) to show sirius' capacity for being rash and obsessive, and the spider moment was just this tiny act of unnecessary, arguably cruel? violence that was meant to be jarring against the very over-sweet and gentle affection he's just shown remus. and although theyre acts of violence on such different scales, he gives just as much thought to sending snape to the willow as he does to squashing the spider. one of the things about sirius that i love soooo much is his relationship with violence and the way his anger translates into violence and cruelty (which remus mentions in the final scene when he says “You’ve got to stop being the kind of person who hurts people when they’re angry.”). its why hes SO fun to write angry because his anger is so distinctive lol. so the spider moment is just meant to serve as a little reminder of this random, mindless aggression that sirius carries around with him and that exists in tandem with all the affection we've seen him show remus, who starts in surprise when sirius slams the book shut. (i'll let u in on a super little fun (or not) fact that in my head when i was writing it i always drew a little parallel between the twitching insect leg thats left on the page and the similarly uncomfortable sensation of the eyelash that remus feels scratching his own eye immediately afterwards. thats not necessarily meant to come across n i expect it doesnt because i didnt develope the idea...at all...but in my head they were always a little linked teehee like even sirius' smallest acts of violence still have an effect on remus somehow xx)

but yeah!! apologies i didnt think this would be such a long explanation for a simple question fbhsdfhs im very embarrassed by this but like!! in short the spider was another little jarring moment designed to tether the version of sirius you get in the flashback to the version you get in the post-prank scenes, because ultimately he's the same guy with the same flaws both before and after the prank!! there was no reason for him to kill the spider like that and thats why hes so fucked. it was just his instinctive response to seeing it there.

ALRIGHT MAGIC SCHOOL TIME

so ! what the girls study:

tzuyu's a moon druid under the nature department. if you don't know what a druid is, they're basically spellcasters that tap their magic from the primal forces of nature, and as a moon druid, tzuyu mainly uses her magic to transform into beasts to fight against those that harm nature. yes she's very sweet she can turn into a hamster but she can also turn into a giant constrictor snake

chaeyoung studies evocation magic as a draconic bloodline sorcerer. yes, many fancy words. evocation magic is basically using magic to manipulate pure energy in the environment, i.e. blow shit up. as a sorcerer, her magic stems from a particular phenomena, in this case her bloodline, and manifests itself in her proclivity for pyromancy (setting shit on fire)

dahyun studies under the divination department, which is basically spells all about knowing things, past, present, and future. she's a knowledge cleric, which means her magic stems from her belief and faith in a particular god. i'd say she mostly uses a crystal ball or tarot cards to cast her spells and see things, and her magic basically gives her photographic memory or smtin idk HAHA

mina is a warlock ! this means she's struck a deal or a bargain with an otherworldly deity or creature in exchange for fabulous power. in this case, she's made a deal with a dark power (that i'll probably reveal later on) in exchange for having spells that can alter space and time. as such, she's part of the dunamancy department (credit to wildemount for coining that name) and studies chronurgy, or the manipulation of time. did i mention she's an elf? yeah she's an elf, elf mina fits perfectly imo

sana is another sorcerer, this time a runechild sorcerer (credit again to matt mercer and the new tal dorei book !) she studies under the gnomish runes department. basically she's got all these runes on her skin which she uses to make wards that can protect her and people all around her ! neato !!!

jihyo's a bit of a nerd in the department of lore. as a wizard, her magic stems from practice and study, so yeah, nerd alert. she basically has a sentient spellbook that she uses to jot down notes and spells and stuff like that (order of scribes !) she's also the dorm manager ! bc dorm manager jihyo is always my headcanon

momo's in the elven rituals department, and that's because she's a half-elf studying bladesinging (damn high ac wizards) bladesinging is basically an art form that's supposedly unique to elves. it manifests through something called the elfsong, and elves can use it to sort of "dance" with a sword. very cool ! and very momo too !!

jeongyeon's a cleric like dahyun, except instead of knowledge, her domain is death. yep, jeongyeon studies in the necromancy department. except instead of being more of a zombie type necromancer, she's more of a "i will kill you" necromancer and most of he r magic is harmful and more about killing people. did i mention she has a scythe? yeah she had a scythe

nayeon is a half-fairy bard ! bards are unique in that they draw their magic from performance and song, which fits nayeon to a tee ! she studies glamour in the department of enchantment, and basically has a silver-tongue ! also bc she's a half fairy she's super popular and basically everyone likes her

so thats everyone !! im super excited for this au if u can tell hehe feel free to hit me up with questions if u have any !

real quick hot take since im being forced to think about it rn: the theories of evolution/the big bang and biblical creation can coexist.

for the record, i am an agnostic. i don't subscribe to any particular religious belief, but im willing to cite biblical sources to support my arguments if i must. i was raised christian and still live in a christian home, my dad being an elder of the church my family attends, so i do know quite a bit of biblical stuff. anyway, allow me to elaborate on my point:

sometime last year i read an article mentioning that the big bang could have been the product of the ever-famous "God said 'Let there be light'". like consider this: explosions are generally very bright. what do you imagine when you hear "the big bang"? i personally see a big explosion of light in a dark void. what if that was God speaking light into existence? of course everything after that is up to interpretation. my dad loves to use the argument that explosions create chaos and not order. but i think it's possible that after the Big Bang of Light, God started to create everything else as the classic 7-day process was written. all the galaxies and what-have-you may not necessarily be a direct result of the explosion.

as for evolution, sure, maybe God did create every living creature. but does that really mean that evolution hasnt also happened? i dont see why evolution couldn't be a thing that was influenced by God's hand. last school year i had to do quite a bit of research relating to this topic, and its honestly so funny how obnoxiously... egotistical? christian scientists are about evidence thats seemingly against evolution. theyre really like "oh??? this funny little fossil you found turned out to NOT be a part of an evolutionary chain?? oh too bad for you!!! look at how WRONG you were!! ha!! they were WRONG!! that means we are RIGHT about EVERYTHING!! look at how RIGHT we are!!! get stuffed sssECHKularr scientists!!! LOL" like no seriously look at a few answers in genesis articles and youll see what i mean, although my portrayal was very much exaggerated. anyway, one argument ive heard is that there are no fossils of intermediate species. but for one thing, just because they havent found any doesnt mean they arent there. for another thing, just because theres no evidence doesnt mean it didnt happen. i guess creationists have a sort of "pics or it didnt happen" attitude about evolution. but theres still existing evidence for evolution too, like how whales have these tiny useless leg bones. why are they there if theyre not doing anything? most likely a byproduct of evolution. ive heard my dad use a similar argument recently about our appendix. "if it doesn't do anything, why hasn't it evolved out of us?" more recently ive heard that the appendix actually DOES have a use. so. that's why. people say that God is perfect, and i imagine they also think everything God makes is perfect too. but evolution doesn't mean that previous species in the evolutionary chain weren't perfect, it's simply just certain genetic traits becoming more common in a species over time, until it becomes an entirely new species much different from the previous one. a lot of societal changes occurred between the first and last books of the bible, yeah? those events were guided by God. i don't see why that can't coexist with evolution. (also consider domesticated dogs. with the variation in breeds its hard to believe theyre the same species. also consider pet dogs vs wolves. pet dogs are their own species, yeah? they descended from wild dogs/wolves that people tamed, right? aint that just manmade evolution?)

im by no means an expert on any of these topics at all, but i figured i may as well write my thoughts down while they're still in my head. that said, i dont really like to post about this stuff, but it's like that one link picture - it's my blog and i get to post whatever essays i feel like lol

tuesday again 2/7/23

feeling sort of neutral to apathetic about a lot of media this week! two pics of my cat tho to make up for it

listening

NOT feeling neutral or apathetic about the tuesdaysong, pont alexandre iii off the 1998 album Noir by alexander lasarenko. this is a sort of fun little film score exercise by a composer who did a lot of tv work, including PBS' NATURE. the drum fill does sound like it’s from 1998 and i mean that as a compliment. bond movies are emphathetically not noir although they occasionally borrow some visuals, but this piece reminds me of early daniel craig bond movies with the sleek synthy orchestra and subdued horns. they both have the same fuckin uhhhh. the british exotic location travelogue strings. the piano makes me think point and click mystery game.

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reading

star wars: yoda dark rendezvous by sean stewart. i am about halfway through but this reread is reviving memories of my last reread in uhhhhh. summer 2011 probably. this feels like it was half a concept for a middle grade book about a padawan finding her confidence and ability after losing her master very early in the clone wars, and half a concept for an adult book about the deep sorrow and loss between the treacherous count dooku and his former master, yoda. and in the background of all this ventress (ventress my worstie i love her) is begging and pleading to be made an apprentice while dooku flatly refuses. a generous reading would be “this is all history that rhymes and points to how the master/padawan relationship is not a good pedagogy method for either side and is deeply fucked up” but i think this idea is quite muddied in the middle of this book. it does not always feel deliberate that everyone at once is having trouble managing either their padawans' or their masters' emotions.

the tonal whiplash between the first few chapters is absolutely bonkers. like it's star wars, you couldn't Really show torture on screen or on the page in this specific storytelling era, but it's certainly implied. and then we get a fun field games day for the padawans in the next chapter!!! you don't really consume any star wars media for the prose, but the prose here occasionally gets in the way of itself. it does take a few chapters to find its footing but it is, as i remember, a snappy and fast read. one of the most goth settings in the starred wars imo. the soft plush moss that will start to dissolve your skin if you take a nap in the blood forest has stuck in my brain in the. idk, decade plus since i read this book.

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watching

The Big Sleep (1946, dir. Hawks) is just as good the third time around. i still have a great deal of difficulty following the plot, but this is a movie that first and foremost Looks incredibly good. shoutout to physical media once again bc this 2005 dvd from the turner classic media co. has solid, reliable, properly timed subtitles. none of the pirate streaming sites i like can boast the same for this particular movie.

in other news new felix colgrave short dropped and it is a bizarre perfect delight

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playing

beat wolfenstein: the new order on the babiest level and it still took me like forty minutes to sit through the cutscenes. it does such a good job of presenting you with all these very fun environments to run through that you manage to forget that you are very much on rails and it's essentially a boomer shooter (over the top maximalist first person shooter) cramming itself into hallways until the last level in the castle, which feels like endless corridors. im also cranky they showed me so many airships but never let me walk around on an airship. or throw a nazi off an airship.

might wanna get that tesla coil on fire checked out. like i know it's my fault but someone should be alerted about this

i don't really know that this game stuck the landing, for me. i think the last castle level really dragged, and the courtyard arena + the last hallway arena with the catwalks felt very same-y. it's also annoying to me that they give me a sniper rifle but there's no real way to use it as part of a stealth run. there aren't a lot of opportunities for stealth in the back half of this game. it is too much of a shooter and not enough of a narrative/rpg for my tastes, i think. i don't think i'll be continuing on with the series bc i'm not terribly attached to blazkowicz.

this and fallout are like The big AAA alt-history tentpoles, but it's a very small tent. this game was fun for what is was, which was a self-contained and fairly short shooter you're meant to play through twice to get two slightly different narrative routes. it reviewed well at the time and i think the reviews are pretty fair, i had a normal amount of fun aside from the sharp glee of the moon exhibit ramps and crawling through vents in the moon base, i liked it a normal amount and will not be integrating it into my personality. so it fuckin goes sometimes.

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making

a baby (not mine) blanket, which will absolutely not be ready for the baby (again not mine) in a month and a half. this is going to end up about 40" square and is this pattern off ravelry. it is some flavor of caron baby yarn (i cannot currently find the ballband) on 4mm bamboo circs bc u cannot make a delicate baby blanket. what's the point. its going to go through the wettest hell you can imagine bc a baby's one job is to make fluids.

this pattern is just spicy enough that it's hard to watch TV and count stitches at the same time so i am BURNING through podcasts. slowly but surely getting caught up on A More Civilized Age and their three hour discussions of each star wars episode of Andor. five star podcast five star runtime

( coffee emoji but im on my computer and cant use emojis and also this doesnt really match the prompt but whatever ) if you could come up with your own original lesbian love story for a book or movie what would it be? like in a hypothetical world where they actually greenlit lesbian movies that were good more frequently than once a decade - letterboxdanon

jwhdjwje letterboxdanon this does not fit the prompt at ALL ?? but i will still answer bc 1. ily and 2. what an opportunity !!! also very flattered by the implication that my hypothetical greenlit story/movie would be good, tyvm

i actually do have an original story in the works, but its veeerryy on the backburner atm and was also kind of just, given to me?? for some reason i have the ability to lucid dream while adjusting just how lucid said dream is, so this dream (where i got this story from) was happening and i was able to sit back and see where it was going, decided i didnt like where it was going, backed it up to a previous point, and let it continue again, etc. im also often able to kind of. inhabit? some of the characters either directly (controlling them as Me) or indirectly (assuming Their pov) while it unfolds.

i feel like the story itself is quite basic, tbh: semi medieval setting, rich lavish powerful castle guy is holding a business/political event, inviting other lords/families. the wife of one of the attendants was married to her husband as a publicity move bc he needed a wife in order to do Business stuff so she doesnt fit in with the aristocrat-y, royal types. the daughter of the powerful castle guy doesnt want to inherit the responsibility of being The Main Family. they find comfort in one another over this weeklong event thing bc first woman doesnt have to navigate politics she doesnt understand/care about or put on a Happy Wife act, and the daughter woman is able to be herself without catering an appearance to someone who might just want to use her for political gain. theres a fucked up violent thing that has to happen in order for said daughter to inherit the house, other woman is horrified to learn what will happen to the woman she's grown to love, tries to intervene, shit hits the fan, etc. plot-wise it was actually quite dense but a happy ending ofc. ive thought about doing it as a graphic novel actually bc the visuals were very striking (surprise i am also a visual artist- art school and everything).

for other hypotheticals tho i dont have any particular Stories, moreso things id like to see more of (or less of) in lesbian media: id KILL to see more butches. more realistic lesbian sex. no more cheating plot points oh my god why are those everywhere. also this might sound jaded but less coming of age stories, more happy and settled older people stories. let people see what happens once all the scary newness goes away and you settle into your life. also more stories that arent About being gay, but are just gay? if that makes sense. there isnt plot stuff about the sexuality (crisis, denial, realization, whatever) its just like. a story that's gay.

this is very self indulgent and also something i am literally only now just thinking about so its not exactly put together but i would love a story about the lesbian experience of exclusion from womanhood. i see stories about how it alienates you from your family or your belief system or how your female friends are with men, but i want to see something that depicts the loneliness, and then goes on to depict the community and acceptance of the self. not so much "ive found other people who love me yay" but the really hard kind of self love that ive found ive personally had to do thats like. making peace with the fact that in order for you to be happy and truly yourself, you Have to leave some sort of "social currency/acceptability" behind. coming into the self. unlearning societal conditioning??? i am rambling now and am cutting myself off

send me ☕️ + [topic] and i’ll tell you my opinion on it!