#im so mad like. honestly im a bit embarrassed by how mad i am lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wrestlezon · 1 year

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(hell yeah. heres a whole post blogging about my blog. i hope you like introspective words. if not... then definitely dont click that readmore)

I posted 3,572 times in 2022

That's 3,572 more posts than 2021!

(well... a respectable amount... for this being the first year of Blog Existing)

370 posts created (10%)

3,202 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

pepsitwist

dogcollarpunk

hoodyhoo

allelitewrestlings

(3 people with the best tastes on the site and a fantastic sourced aew content blog. hell yea ofc these were my most reblogged blogs)

I tagged 3,533 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

(oh no. where are they. where are these 40 untagged posts?? how could i leave them BARREN... NO... THEYRE LOST... OUT IN THE COLD...)

#chuck taylor - 576 posts

#orange cassidy - 570 posts

#cm punk - 500 posts

#fanart - 406 posts

#p - 291 posts

#trent beretta - 229 posts

#talkzon - 221 posts

#mjf - 220 posts

#jon moxley - 201 posts

#eddie kingston - 198 posts

(ah yes my top 3 favorite wrestlers. chuck, orange, cm punk. of course. LMAO. funnily enough the pipeline for me was in that exact reverse order... punk vs eddie got me watching the show, then i saw an orange match and was like hey thats fun and cool, then i was like hold up... whos that weird-cute guy who hangs out with him sometimes... and now here i am. with incurable chuck taylor brain worms.)

(ok. actually the story is a bit more ironic than that but if i get too openly genuine on here i'll break out in hives sooooo moving on)

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#excalibur said something last friday along the lines of ''hes not willing to team up with danhausen yet'' which made me laugh out loud. ''ye

(my tag got cut off... i think this is before xkit rewritten added the ''tag too long'' alert for the quicktags thing. i dont even remember what the rest of it was supposed to be... this was on a gifset of the hook birthday chips incident)

My Top Posts in 2022:

thank you aew broadcast team for the instant replay alternate angle on wardlow's very cool pin

295 notes - Posted July 13, 2022

(...i liked wardlow better when he was a vaguely amoral henchman guy but i can appreciate A Very Cool Pin)

"One word to describe me? GAY"

295 notes - Posted October 17, 2022

(the people need to know. they need to know max caster is an entertaining and somewhat unhinged weirdo)

listen. look. i need you to understand. look at this.

SLOUCHED. HANDS BEHIND HIS BACK. HEAD BENT DOWN. cm punk spends most of his promo at this point AVOIDING EYE CONTACT. he never even holds the goddamn mic!!! punk is posturing SO hard to appear as a small harmless creature. so much smaller than hangman.

which he factually ISNT. i mean, look at how he looks when he stands up straight, when he isn't trying to put on an appearance.

See the full post

325 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

(oh noooo lmaoooo not my overly excited cm punk theory-effortpost... embarrassing...... even more embarrassing in hindsight... u_u "wow theyre doing such a good job of working together to tell this fictional story of conflict and antagonism! such acting! such subtlety! wait. what. no. are you guys mad for real. what the")

See the full post

389 notes - Posted June 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

how im feeling about that upcoming dog collar match

752 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

(honestly the most shocking part of this was seeing people out in the wild think this was where the sickos meme came from? which doesnt even make sense chronologically?? sickos has been around forever!!! and the original comic is so good. i am not deserving of kartoonist kelly's onion comic clout i am just a wrestle blog)

(also. i have to say. getting into wrestling right as the cmjf feud started was such a mistake... it set the bar too high... wrestling is not normally Like That... ;~;)

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#year in review #talkzon #why do they add like 4 different tags for ''year in review''. no. i will have a single one

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saitolover · 2 years

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🩸finished van helsing’s route!

thoughts under the cut bc it became a bit long than i thought it would be

one thing id like to say first is that wow! playing through the routes is going much quicker ever since ive finished the common route lmao felt like i was playing it for a week, while each route is taking me a day or two (thanks to binge playing now). didnt mind though tbh, i loved the common route. this game has become one where i can smile stupidly at my screen while looking at my fav 2d characters <3

so onto my thoughts about van helsing’s route, yay! i loved the angst and the drama that was going on in it. it was great (and extremely heavy and dark) to hear about van’s past AND LITERALLY how aleister was just. controlling him. i had my suspicious of him after seeing some of the bad endings, and how cardia or someone else would be like, “why are you doing this/why are you here…?” etc. but never expected him to be conditioning van wtf. also was interesting to see more abt finis, im wondering more on what his secret really is!

a little note: ive always been a fan of the more “colder” charas in otome games. cue my username, though now that im thinking abt it, my favs arent always like that lmao. okay ignore this ramble

but that aside, wow. the romance had me mad. not that pressed lmao but there are times where i wanted to shake my screen and yell at van for always pushing away cardia and being so mean TT i think i get it tho, man is completely afraid of losing another person he cares about. trauma! so i was finally so happy when he was like, okay fine i do love you cardia. but then he knocked her out oml. so glad that cardia came in and honestly i want to date cardia i have a fat crush on her. she cared so much about van and was willing to sacrifice herself (which is kinda a reoccurring thing, i noticed. makes me kinda sad bc i want her to value herself more too <3 which makes me happy when she says she and her LI will survive together no matter what. cardia is a fighter and she wont go down!!! love to see how she realizes that she’s capable of love, and that she isnt a monster <3 getting validated by others and starting to realize her emotions!) okay let me shut up now before i write a whole essay about cardia bc this is a van post ???

what was i talking abt again. oh right, anyways! stop it game the amount of angst in this route… im in pain. so i was happy when these two got their happy ending. it actually feels kinda weird now to see van kinda being in love now lmao bc he’s always been so cold and hid his emotions. we get blushing sprite of him and him being more romantic and flirting with cardia and im like. whoa who is this guy HAHA but im not complaining. his extra was great too, cardia was so cute and i felt embarrassed for her as well lol.

and i think that is pretty much what i have to say about this route! played the last couple chaps when i first woke up and am writing this immediately after i finished them so yeah! and one last note… i cannot believe they were robbed of a kiss LIKE ???? pls dont tell me everyone else is missing a kiss too 😭😭 im sad. i want them to hold hands and kiss too okay. that is all!

small update: omg i forgot to mention delly 😭 im so glad that van helsing’s route talked more about delly, his feelings, and how much he’s really been suffering :(((

#catplays.txt #catplays.txt + code:realize #code:realize #abraham van helsing

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scorchedshitbag · 2 years

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Tag how many mutuals you want to ask these 33 questions to

tagged by @bluegriptape !

1).Name and nickname: Emma, n some call me Em

2).meaning of your tumblr username: I wanted somthn new that wasnt linked to any of my other social media names and was reminded of the thing where people leave flaming poop bags at someones door. Idk!

3).What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?: Id like to make a career out of my art but i just dont know where to start really

4).What accomplishment are you most proud of?: its all mainly little personal things which are probably lame to the majority so idk

5).What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done and would you do it again?: Bush doof was pretty lit ngl

6).What type of music are you into?: a bit of anything!

7).What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?: got yelled at by a teacher in front of my class because the only gap i could find to walk through where our class was at the time was where she was talking to someone n she told me i was rude. I was like 9 🤡

8).What’s the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?: Probably something to do with my social anxiety making me seem rude but who knows

9).If a genie granted you 3 wishes right now, what would you wish for?: Better personal motivation, more time to enjoy things as opposed to working, n for people overall to stop being greedy

10).If you had superpowers, which one would you have and why?: invisibility so i can be left alone in public lmao

11).What is the strongest animal you could win against with just your bare hands and feet?: probably a mongoose. They look weak

12).What is your strongest qualities?: I am kind i guess ?? I just want people around me to feel at ease

13).What’s the best advice a family member gave you growing up?: man ion kno i just got told to not be anxious skjdjs

14).if you could have an one night stand with anybody who would it be? ..it could even be an mutual if you like or celebrity: back atcha @bluegriptape

15).Ethnicity & Nationality and do you take pride in it?: i know a bunch of my family history comes from Ireland but thats a few gens back n ive never been outside of Australia. Pride in it??? Idk i dont really care all that much it’s alright

16).hobbies or talents: Art even tho i am just in mad creative burnout lately

17).what is your fashion style: Anything with jeans and a beanie

18).What do most people overestimate or underestimate about you?: i wouldnt have a fuckin clue honestly

19)..are you an lover or fighter: i am full of love !!!!! But will fight if necessary!!!

20).If someone narrated your life, who would you want to be the narrator?: ofc im obsessed with aaron pauls voice so

21).What problem are you currently grappling with?: Burnout:) lack of motivation:) capitalism:)

22).What’s your favourite physical attribute about yourself?: uhhhh h im pretty neutral to my image honestly. My? Face is ok? I can put lines on it to make it look cooler?

23).What hobby/talent have you always wanted to develop?: Guitar/music knowledge

24).What’s the certain product you couldn’t live without?: Sunscreen. My ass is pale

25).what is one thing you would change about yourself: Remove the predisposition to depression from my family Thanke

26).What personality traits did you get from your parents?: Socially awkward like my dad, caring like my mum?? I spose

27).Which one do you prefer: being controlled or be in control?: as i have come to learn IN CONTROL cause cant leave shit up to anyone else

28).What are your phobias?: Not necessarily phobic but im terrified of spiders n being kidnapped

29).What qualities do you want in a partner who will be with you for the rest of your life?: Genuine kindness and willingness to have quality time n understand the need for alone time

30).Who is your role model in life?: i look up to my friends a lot, moreso than anyone with some kind of following

31).What are the things that drive you crazy?: Grind culture, the weird people who act like working full time is a fulfilling way to live life

32).Do you plan to have kids?: The concept of being pals with your own kid is dope but. World is a fuck and childbirth mortifies me

33).Would you rather visit your ancestors in the past or meet your descendants in the future?: I dont really want either it honestly doesn’t matter

Idk who to tag so! Do it if you wanna

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syaosakureal · 3 years

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List of headcanons I have for Marinette and Adrien:

Because I am unfortunately hyperfixated on MLB and adrienette is in my head 24/7

Marinette knows a little bit of Chinese because of her mom, but it’s grammatically incorrect or she doesn’t know that much other than simple gestures and words

But she does know about Chinese culture (I’m not Chinese so I can’t say much I just wish the show could explore more about her Chinese side bc yeah I want to know more about it)

Imagine Adrien learning more about Chinese culture from Marinette and Marinette learning more about the language from Adrien 🥺...

Adrien sometimes invites Marinette to his photoshoots so he can see her more often so it could be “less boring” (inspired by the Troublemaker ending, I wish we had an episode where they did that)

Marinette brings her sketchbook with her when she goes to Adrien’s photoshoots for fashion ideas

Adrien is on a stict diet because “ohoho you are a model so u must look like one”. >:( fuck Gabriel

But Marinette brings some coffee and snacks from the bakery for him!! And writes a positive message for him everyday. Thats how he starts to fall for her

Marinette has ADHD!! She can’t focus well when it comes to Adrien which causes her to stutter or speak in incomplete sentences, but oh boy when Adrien asks about anything fashion related, she is completely focused on the subject and starts infodumping. Adrien hangs on to every single word and he’s just a really great listener honestly

Marinette can talk for hours about fashion really. And Adrien never gets bored (and he finds it interesting how she’s not stuttering at all)

Sometimes Marinette shows Adrien her sketches, fashion ideas etc. and Adrien’s like “wow ...... theyre so much better looking than my dad’s lol”

Sometimes Adrien likes to come over to Marinette as Chat Noir and they both just like talking about each other’s crushes (without knowing who it is, except Marinette who knows Chat loves Ladybug)

Or Chat Noir just likes having a good time with Marinette and sometimes plays with her balls of yarn (which makes Marinette mad, but it’s his cat instinct you can’t blame him)

Adrien has a blurry vision, but he wears contact lenses because woohoo the best money can buy am i right (im broke)

Marinette teaches Adrien how to bake!!! And Adrien finds baking really interesting and would want to pursue that in the future instead of modeling. (Can we pls have an adrienette baking episode??)

Baking with adrienette is either really cute, or really... chaotic. Adrien could unleash his inner Chat Noir and throw flour at Marinette and they have a food fight

Everytime Adrien comes over, Marinette’s parents take every opportunity they can to tease adrienette and embarrass them.

which Marinette does not like at all. But Adrien finds it really cute.

REVERSE UMBRELLA SCENE?? Marinette makes him an umbrella and opens it and hands it over to him and says “here’s my thanks for the other time you gave me an umbrella” and THATS WHEN ADRIEN FINALLY REALIZES HES IN LOVE WITH HER

This was a lot longer than I thought it would be LMAO i just threw every headcanon I thought of here instead of doing my homework

#miraculous ladybug #mlb #adrienette #adrinette #marichat #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #adrien x marinette #headcanons #MAYBE FIC IDEAS??#wlb writers should hire me #adrienette baking WHEN

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lover-of-trash-and-people · 3 years

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bittersweet netflix shadow and bone finale (s1 e8) rewatch; accoutrement: white wine with ice cubes in it (no YOU'RE a mom drink shh)

my wine's like fruity I love her

light and darkness title card we love to see it

Inej looking at Alina before she goes below deck to hide <3

okay that 'what can you really do on your own' was like not fun that shit hurted

okay but Jesper's 'not enough'? <3

oh no my baby Zoya's first inkling that Darkles does not really care

omg Helnik just appeared and I remembered how much heartbreak I have to face in this episode

gods I love Danielle as Nina so so much

'this can't be it' said she with her pleading smile with downturned eyebrows MA'AM I-

don't break my dumb little heart

I might hate Calahan's little accent but they're making me tear up

oh gods I literally cannot keep a hold on myself when Dani's accent bleeds through with full force, it's like she comes more alive or smth

'I will keep you warm' SIR WHAT-

I am surprised they showed a leaning in for a kiss so soon but I'm not mad about it

her little eyebrow twitch at 'what are waffles'

when that rando said 'i hunt slavers now' a dread settled into me because I knew what was about to go down

Matthias looking somberly at the stuffed wolf's head </3

I am so incredibly entranced by this exchange between Fedyor and Nina and what it represents, it's very interesting that they pushed up their storyline to match with the timeline

damn it's kind of jarring to be back in the Fold

'REMEMBER WHO'S DRIVING'??!!!! *you better stop* meme, *i am, disgusted* meme, *oh wow, oh wow* meme

Mal you fucking idiot you could never take the crows by surprise

the music rising as Kaz starts explaining his thought process, fucking perfection

haha Mal bitchass Inej caught you

'Because if he isn't with Kirigan's crew, he's with ours' WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED

'And why would we destroy the Fold? It's the greatest weapon we've got' valid point at the moment but you know I don't necessarily agree with your methods

the use of the light tunnel in the show instead of Alina just being a super flashlight in the books is quite an interesting addition as well

is this an inappropriate time to point out how pretty Ben Barnes is

okay I kind of love the depiction of the shadow powers okay sue me

'they are traitors who tried to kill you' why are you suddenly making valid points despite having kind of committed low scale genocide

'i never said I was smart' YES MAL BE THE VOICE OF HIMBOS EVERYWHERE

Kaz's face going from 'can you believe this idiot' at Mal to 'fuck me I'm gonna do the same thing aren't I' at Inej

'For who would oppose us now?' *himbo romantic rival appears out of nowhere and shoots at him* god I love this show

him standing calmly in his ridiculous all black attire after nodding at his soldier to stop the himbo in his tracks, i fucking can't

could she summon light without the Darkling making her after he put the collar on her until the uhm moment in the books? idts but in the show she can hmm

'only because I'm not in the game' you tell him Jesper

not me snickering at 'you'll be seen not as a saviour, but as a heretic' LMFAO

'Shame. I'll have to give that speech again now.' THIS SHOW IS A FUCKING COMEDY AND YOU CAN'T PROVE ME WRONG

YES LET'S FUCKING GO SULI SOLIDARITY

Darkles casually whipping the Cut out like a shuriken or a throwing knife at Jesper because he shot at him lmao I can't

INEJ FUCKING GHAFA STABBED ONE THE OLDEST AND MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE IN THAT WORLD AND THAT IS VERY TELLING OF HER POWER

that moment where you actually think that affected him despite having read the books and watched the show

and then he has to go and fucking say 'it will take more than this' and I can't be help but be a little bit impressed at this old fool's resilience

throwback to when he said 'the king is a child' sir you make some valid points sometimes and it does make it difficult to hate you

I would just like to inform everyone that it is currently 6:09 am IST and I am sipping my second mug of wine while watching netflix sab for the second time instead of doing my three papers that are due tomorrow

I'm sorry but Inej jumping to check on Zoya after she gets knocked over by the volcra? first class display of solidarity and sisterhood as well as Inej's inherent kindness

Kaz jumping in front of a FUCKING VOLCRA AND STABBING IT WITH HIS CANE to save Inej, you best believe love is true, kids

god the volcra are so ugly and gross, they did such a good job with them

they kind of remind me of these creatures (I think they might have been called Hollows or smth) from the Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children movie

STAG VISION TIME

despite my dislike for the callous nature with which the stag plotline was handled, I kind of dig the stag vision scene

'It's just me and you now, Alina. And we're all we need, anyway.' I actually feel bad for this old fool simping for this wonderful gorgeous powerful woman despite lying to her and manipulating her and exploiting her power

okay 'I never needed you' *stabs the bone fragment out of his hand* beautiful power move I fucking love you so so much

alright ben looking like ✨ that✨ not only in physical pain but also emotional pain at what the Darkling clearly considers another betrayal from this girl he wants to give the world and maybe? loves? maybe? or at least has feelings for makes my fucking heart hurt while simultaneously soar at Alina taking back control and reclaiming her power as her own and stepping into her own

'how do you claim such power' okay could have had better dialogue there writers

the fucking score lifting as she says 'you cannot claim what was not given to you' good people my heart is full

one day I'll talk about my defense of the chosen one trope because god damn I kind of love it

hmm I wonder was that brief hesitation that we saw on Alina's face due to her thinking about the 'you chose to betray our people' comment or the 'i was trying to save us' comment because that will define some of her actions in the later seasons (hopefully god if we get some, I honestly don't know what with this stupid brownface debacle)

I'm not saying talking about brownface and pointing out that it is wrong (for further context, I am actually brown) and harmful is stupid btw I'm talking about the incidents involving brownface in question

I don't wanna talk about this anymore but I might feel like I need to and end up posting about it idk

goodness Ivan actually believing in this cause makes me so sad because he too has been victimized by the system that ostracizes Grisha and he has every right to feel the way that he does

Ben actually fighting in that ridiculously heavy cloak and kefta when he's about to turn 40 this year makes me super impressed because I as a 19 year old sometimes wake up with muscle pulls after weeks of inactivity it's weird idk

also I understand that this Mal Darkling fight is completely fanservice and serves nearly no purpose to the plot in general but like I? love it?

'I don't have to kill you Darkling. Your past will do it for me' YES HIMBO GO OFF YOU TELL THAT OLD MAN GODS THAT WAS SEXY AS FUCK

maybe it's because I know Darkles will survive and will come out of it more powerful but I can't get myself to feel bad for him at the moment

Inej and Mal tearing up at Alina's condition made me almost feel something despite it being super obvious she was gonna be fine and save their asses at the last moment

HER POWER

a solitary Kaz in spotted on the western side of the newly expanded fold in his signature all black emo boy look

okay but the crows with zoya and malina is such an adorable team? I literally love them so much?

INEJ'S FUCKING SMILE AT ALINA GIVING HER THE DAGGER AND KAZ LOOKING AT HER AGSGSGSHSJSJSK MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE

SHE KNOWS JUST WHAT TO NAME IT WELL GIRLIE I KNOW IT TOO AND MY FUCKING HEART IS LITERALLY GONNA BURST

okay I know they had one interaction but Mal and Jesper would be besties in another universe

Kaz glaring at Jesper when he answers ''course not' to Alina's 'will you still be trying to kidnap me?' tell me one fucking adaptation that got the dynamics between characters this perfectly

okay why do I love that Alina kept the jewellery as maybe a small nod to she has the wits to, um, you know, I don't wanna say steal, but, um, yeah, steal it because she knew she would need money to survive on the run

oh Jessie I love you so much I wish you hadn't said those things on you ig story about the brownface

it's like every single celeb I grow attached to god's like nope that one is going to do or say something problematic (hey btw im not reassigning blame to god for stuff people have done out of their own free will, 'twas a joke)

AAAAAAAH them saying 'the deal is the deal' in the show even though they didn't have to but like they did and I love them for it

Inej literally not being able to not stare at Kaz's face and smile after this <3

'I didn't expect it to burn at all. But it can be destroyed in the end. Just like him' babe you're not wrong but like um just you wait

god Mal being on supportive boyfie mode is well, absolutely adorable, obviously, but I wish we got to see more of him as a person outside of his attachment to Alina

kaz my little demjin I wish you hadn't have had to suffer so much to meet the crows and find your calling

fastforwarding Zoya's arc is also an interesting choice to me

I wish the hug hadn't been done though, it didn't feel earned

maybe Alina awkwardly and half-heartedly (remember, at this point the alliance is fresh and they still don't entirely trust each other) reached for a hug and Zoya avoided her? and then the rest of Zoya's lines followed? that would have made more sense to me at least

I love Sujaya as well, she brought life into Zoya with whatever little screentime and scraps of writing she got

inej asking kaz 'what's your angle?' beep bop bleep morp I sense another incoming embarrassing love confession

'but we do need you' *stares at her face intensely* 'I need you' ah look at the clock, look's like it's time to screech and flap your arms like you're a volcra because you're incapable of containing your emotions

NO YOU CAN'T GO DIRECTLY FROM KANEJ PROGRESS TO HELNIK BREAKUP (TEMPORARY, MIND YOU)

helnik my loves you don't deserve this I'm so sorry for both of you

Matthias fucking smiling ruefully while he says 'this was... just a cruel joke all along' THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY

omg hellgate

AAAAAAAAH NINA IS ON THE SAME FRAME AS THE OG CROWS I CAN'T HANDLE THIS

CAMERA PAN FROM KAZ SAYING 'JUST HOW THIS ALL STARTED... WE'RE GONNA NEED A HEARTRENDED' TO NINA OVERHEARING HIM AND LOOKING OVER?????!!!!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME?!

Nina genuinely being curious as to the status of the sun saint because she obviously still cares

Also, 'But she is a Saint' okay Kaz trying to earn brownie points you have succeeded

DID THAT SAILOR JUST SAY 'GOED MORGEN FENTOMEN' TO MALINA BECAUSE I AM NOT OKAY WITH THEM JUST THROWING THAT IN MY FACE ALL OF A SUDDEN

gods I know I'll probably see them again but my heart is full of sorrow as my eyes drink in the sight of my crows for the last time for a while

I know people were annoyed at the meadow flashbacks but guess what? as a darklina, I loved them

'now that the Darkling is dead' could have phrased that a little differently my dudes that line needed to hold more weight

am I glad that they showed Darkles in this state with his nichevo'ya as a tasty little cliffhanger despite not being entirely true to the source material? maybe but only because Ben Barnes saying 'follow' and the nichevo'ya doing exactly so sent a chill down my spine

well, that's it for now, I'll have to move on I guess, get back to my real life which I'm obviously not ready to do

thank you to whoever actually read these things

I probably should have just made reactions or commentary videos instead but I'm lazy

my tumblr will probably go into inactivity once more as I emerge from my stint in the grishaverse

it was quite short (less than 2 months), considering the length of my other obsessions but it was definitely more intense than the other ones

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atsumiye · 3 years

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Yeah let's have it lol. And it might be small to others but it's big to you so it still matters.

STOP HJSAFGHGDIQWUOHGUBHA i love you thank you!!! you are very sweet for saying that <333 i love complaining to people!! this is fun and i switched to my computer so i could type more and faster lmao long rant ahead

OKAY OKAY lets start with the fact that i couldnt fall asleep last night no matter how exhausted i was. ill blame it on pre school jitters but it was annoying bc i am not a morning person. right so i have to go to this place thats like 30 min away from me by bus for my ONE class so i had to wake up extra early too so ofc!! i was tired!!! and i knew it would happen so i planned everything and set it all up so it would move a bit faster in the morning (SOB i am someone who takes 15 minutes to like put on socks in the morning if im tired) also!! i just got back to my apartment like a few days ago so everything is still in suitcase (im lazy) so i knew i would need something or whatever and so i planned for it. ANYWAY everything was going okay UNTIL i put on my outfit i was so excited for. okay listen i bought this sweater right before covid happened and its so cute and never got to wear t so ive been pumped and i purposely laid it out flat so it wouldnt wrinkle and then this morning IT WAS SO WRINKLY and then i put on these pants that i love that literally fit last week and they were like falling down and i couldnt do anything about it bc i didnt want to be late and my hair was straightening properly so i looked dumb I WILL ADMIT THOUGH my makeup and jewelry looked poppin. get to the bus only to find out that this deal the used to have of like 3 months of free bus rides for quite cheap NO LONGER EXISTS so now my budget for the month is all out of wack too. now, my friend told me to wait for her only for her to SHOW UP LATE and then get MAD AT ME when i told her i would go by myself to class. SCREAMS and we arent even done. its still only 8:50 am at this point. we get to class and i realize I DONT THINK I UNPLUGGED MY STRAIGHTENER i live alone so this??? is an issue. so im concerned the whole class and then my teacher tells me i have 3 weeks to make a 20 page thesis <333 and wouldnt give us good examples of what kind of topics to pick <333 now class ends early so thats a plus and me and my friend decide to go eat lunch later which is something to look forward to but i get to the bus station and start waiting with some friends but there is a ton of traffic due to construction so we waited for 30 minutes, in the cold, for a bus that NEVER SHOWED UP. so my friends decide we should walk home. and im so panicked thinking about how i might have almost started the biggest fire in world history i agree. AND on the way once we start walking this guy i used to LIKE a lot literally ignored me this morning so i made sure to say hi to him when i walked past him and he was so dry :l and im over my little crush on him but??? you cant IGNORE ME??? anyway back to the walking home. BABE ITS AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTE WALK AND I START SWEATING. and my white shoes got really dirty. then i say goodbye to my friends and he tries to hug me but i realize i have like a mini lake underneath my sweater so i dodge him and look like an idiot <333 then i embarrass myself over text to my hopefully soon-to-be boyfriend. but i get home and my straightener was unplugged so all was good but then i wait until 3 pm for my friend to answer my texts about lunch only for her to go eat lunch with her parents :D without telling me :D and ive been starving for hours :D then!!! this lady who was supposed to help me clean my kitchen CANCELLED AGAIN. so i took a nap and woke up late and now i wont be able to sleep. as i said this may seem so insignificant but it kept piling on and these are only the things i can remember <333 there was definitely so much more <33

and honestly this is truly how my days go like one time i went to go get coffee and came home to the police bc the mafia set a car on fire near me <33 this is how my life runs <33 me and my near death experiences <33 ANYWAY this part was kinda unrelated but i felt like it needed to be added. so if you made it to the end of this without wanting to claw your eyes out thanks <333 and if you want any more story times pls let me know i will literally talk about them any day any time akgduewd

#in the fishnet #><>.anon #SHOULD I GIVE THIS ITS OWN TAG #ALL MY BAD EXPERIENCES AT SCHOOL AJKGDIUW

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stray-tori · 3 years

Text

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :(((

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message

why

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

#an innocent sin #dohye x noah #noah x dohye #long post #tori talks #tori has opinions #reactions #yes I do this often in our dms #poor mei #toriqueue

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aidenoes · 3 years

Text

Im kinda bored so this is a little story time about a toxic best friend i had for many many years

Tw : s*lf-h*rm, s*icid*l thought, forced coming-out

To make the story easier let's call her Fish.

So... it started in primary school, i had moved out into a new city when i was in 3rd grade. That's when i first met her and we never really talked much. Then came 5th grade when we actually became friends.

And middle school happened and that's when everything went downhill real fast. In 6th grade i was still friend with her and i tried to get along with her other friend who was a bitch at that time, and i was too, so we never got along (even tho she is now my best friend bc we realised how much Fish was toxic lmao). So i had made new friends and she had too but we still made up over time and the other girl wasn't hanging out with us anymore.

Moving on to 7th, there was a new girl that came at the school at the beginning of the school year (who is also my bestfriend, props to her for staying with me all these years) and Fish immediately started talking to her. Eventually we have a group of 5 friends :me, her, our boyfriends and the new girl. The thing is that there was a trend of s*lf-h*rming yourself just to pretend to be depressed and sad, and Fish was one of the people who followed that trend. Me, being an absolute idiot, had no idea of the gravity. Well, i mean, i knew it was bad but my bestfriend was doing it so it's fine right ? No, it was not and i almost gave in to but i was afraid to harm myself so i never did. And that example is just to show how much i copied her, i destroyed my relationship bc i wanted to be like her and my ex-boyfriend was so good to me. Her relationship was like an light switch, you never knew when they were back together or not. We also had a skype group and messenger group of just three people: me, her and the new girl. Me and the new girl would badly roleplay and she would tell me, and only me, that i was cringy and leave the group chat like that. And i had no right to tell her i didn't like something about her, but she could though ? I let it slip anyway. I thought i was really happy, then came the worst year of my school life.

8th grade. At this point, Fish and her boyfriend had broken since he apparently abused her (im not sure since she is prone to lying) but i was still in good terms with him. Well we were not the best of friends but i wouldn't punch him (now i would bc he became such a fucking dick). But Fish started to become distant, as if she didn't want me around anymore but i ignored it thinking it was all in my head. One day, our teacher assigned us new places in class and i was next to her ex-boyfriend. We of course talked in class and laughed together. But out of nowhere, she started doing the sign where you slit your throat with your finger, y'know ? I thought she was doing it for kidding and i was just really confused, it was break after that class anyway so i can ask her wtf that was. She came to me and thought i was plotting against her with her ex-boyfriend and just told me to go fuck myself basically. I waited for my now ex-boyfriend and my friend to come-out of their class and explained to them what happened while containing my tears. They tried to go to her and try to understand wtf went wrong and funfact: nothing went wrong and she was just being a bitch and i later learned she just wanted to move on and discard everything from the past year, including me. But i didn't know that, i thought i broke everything, i thought i broke our group friend, i felt guilty and i felt, alone. My boyfriend that got out of school just before me went to my mom that was there to come pick me up, that i wasnt really well and he went away when i got out. My mom did ask me what was wrong and i told her that i'll explain when we're home. At home i explained everything and broke down in my moms arm, i dont know if i cried out of anger or sadness, but seeing me cry was enough for my mom to hate her with all her guts. I've felt so lonely after that. I had no one to eat lunch with, i had no one to be in group in class with and i had no idea of how to occupy my brain when i had no one to talk to, i read in the morning waiting for the friends i had left, i would draw whenever i had to wait alone and i would eat fast to get out the fastest possible. I also lost everything i was since at that time i was like a sponge of personality and just squeeze out whatever the personality people wanted out of me. I had lost everything and i didn't want to be here anymore, i just wanted to die honestly. And i think i wouldve if i didnt think there was my family and my friends. However, it does not end here ! Bc my dumb ass made so many more mistakes ! Bc one day in our technology class i had to work with her for an assignment and we gradually made up until we became friend again, but i was still wary of her and my s*icidal thoughts were still very present. So i was still very toxic and pushing the people that were there for me away. My boyfriend broke up with me. I didnt know what to do, but looking back this was such a good decision for him and for me. I am so thankful for him to have broke up with me, but at that moment i was a bit hurt but at the same time i saw it coming so i had so time to grief about it. A month later my mom decided to bring me to Mauritius (where she is from) bc she thought i had a hard time no having her around for the first time which is kinda true but not all the truth. I had no wifi and no way of contacting anyone. That was so refreshing ! That's when i started to understand that i had the right to think for myself first and not be a fucking carpet for everyone to walk on. I was not out of the shit but i started to understand how to get out.

9th grade, was my savior. This was the best year of my life with nothing to worry about except an exam at the end. You remember the girl in 6th grade that was a bitch ? Yeah we became close friends during that year bc i realised she was a bitch bc she was badly influenced on in 6th and 5th grade. And the new girl remember her ? That's also the year when we got close, the year where we became best friends, when i learned to be and love myself and the year when i started to stand up for myself. I have some bad daddy issues and i have almost always shared my problems with Fish but i started sharing less toward the end of 8th grade. One day i was complaining that i had to be basically the messenger bird of my parents and she looked at me annoyed and tell me 'why don't you go to the police ?'. Like we didnt ??? Like she thinks that my dad was harassing my mom and we didnt ?? That's basically saying 'don't be' to someone who is sad. And i explained that to her and she was like 'don't complain to me if you're going to flip off like that when im giving you a solution', excuse me bitch... what ? I was hella mad. She came fake apologising like a few weeks later. And one day she came out to me as pansexual, great for her, and i was also questionning my gender and thought i was genderfluid so i came out to her. She was like 'oh ok' and i sent her some memes about genderfluidity and she was like 'stop this is annoying'. So i shut my trap. I also learned that during a school i didnt went she faked some anxiety and was being a bitch bc her friend wouldnt come to a shop with her even so another one was ok with going with her. I eventually started to understand that she was bad for my mental health, so i just started ghosting her bc i just didnt want to talk with her anymore and i didnt know how to confront her. She came up and grabbed and pulled me by my backpack that was full of shit just to ask me why i didnt answer to one of her text. I was so scared i just told her i wasnt feeling well and just told her i needed time. The year went by it was great and i didnt want to be in cold with Fish but i also didnt want to be her friend, i wanted to just be classmates, however when she was told this she understood : 'they want to be friend again'. So she clung with us next year.

10th grade, was last year and was full of drama. And we only had 6 months of school. 10th grade is the first year of highschool and the only year where we don't have an exam. I also had a forced new friend that we're going to call Taz so we don't get mixed up. She was also very clingy and it felt like having a leech stuck to me. And Fish was being very, let's say embarrassing and making us feel uncomfortable. She would make ton of sexual joke and we told her it was making us uncomfortable but she would apologise just to do it again the week later so we just gave up. She also outed me in class, thankfully the class was really noisy and only my bestfriend heard it but this fucking bitch just asked outta nowhere 'so you're still on this whole thing about being genderfluid or what ?' And she wasnt talking low, she was talking loud and clear. I felt so embarras and i hoped that no one else heard it. I answered as very quietly 'no.. i think im genderqueer now' and she just said ok. That's also around when i discovered im bi so i was so glad that i didnt tell her about that. And a few months later there was some shit going around about bullying and Fish was one of the targets. And let's say that our english teacher held up a trial so i opened up my big ass mouth to talk and defend Fish. And guess what, Taz just blurted out that i and my best friend were bullying her. Excuse me ? I defended her ass and when i talked to her about it she told me 'no you didnt, you just yelled at me once in physics'. So bc i yelled at her bc she wouldnt listen to me when we had to work i bullied her ? What a thank ! And when i tried to talk it out with Taz, she fucking ignored me and left. I was enraged. I was crying out of fucking rage and still aced a test in english. At the end i explained everything to my crush while i was walking home with her bc she lived next to my moms restaurant. When i stepped into the restaurant, there was my moms friend, which im kinda close to, and my mom who asked me how was my day i cried out of anger. They comforted me and supported me. At school, one day the assistant director called me and my best friend in his office. And told us that in highschool there are no bullying only misunderstandings (i dont really agree with that but anyway) and asked us our side of the story. We explained that we didnt get along with her anymore and made it very clear that we were uncomfortable with her but she wouldnt take a hint. And we left the office just like that. The assistant director probably told Fish our side and she never went to talk with us bc of covid.

Now, im in 11th grade, we do not talk anymore and this feel so much better. Now i'll just drop some bonus drama

She accused me of drowning her when it was her ex-boyfriend that did and made her scared of water, while i was there to support her when she was dealing with her phobia.

And her mom thought that i was a bad influence for her sweet sweet daughter when she was the one to incite me to c*t myself like paper, wow ok.

This is just a personal share and just maybe a way for others to recognise the toxic behaviors of fake friends.

#story time #toxic friendship #toxic friend #have fun reading this #i am still mad sometime #but only sometime

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thethirdwheel404 · 4 years

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Med Series Rewatch (#12)

S3 E12: Born This Way.

Episode description: Dr. Manning and Dr. Choi are faced with a tough decision.

Literally when are they not.

Okay, last episode ended with the first Ava/Connor kiss, so this episode should be a rollercoaster of emotions.

let’s get into it.

- okay, already we’re starting in connor’s apartment, so cue ava walking in bc they slept together?

- i think its hilarious that her casual clothing is.. a flannel. like lmao idk

- it is so unbelievably funny and stupid to have a one night stand with someone you work closely with. i mean come on

- never forget that dr. ava bekker has a fish tank

- this is exhausting. the tentative back and forth is so fucking exhausting

- another bit of evidence. ava is never not confident, and especially not to this extent, and she never follows connor’s lead. so, the fact that she is standing back and waiting for him to make the decision? stupid.

- it screams that she is having a moment of anxiety, which is why she isn’t up to make the decisions in the exchange.

-to be clear: what i’m claiming here is that the only reason ava actually got with connor was bc she was having a moment of anxiety because he was the only person she had built a relationship with after living in this city for six months.

- when connor says that he has plans you can see her fold in on herself. this stems from a place of anxiety

- remember when they did surgery on the panda? that’s when the show peaked

- ava in her lab coat will never not get me. especially with the gloves, running towards a patient (very hot)

- connor still looks kinda looks like a mess but ava is immaculate here like what dude out of your league

- ava asking the family questions (ik this is standard doctor stuff but showing worry, interest, all that jazz)

- okay, see here! here! ava calls connor out, saying that his procedure is too invasive. before, ava’s procedures where invasive, which everyone used as evidence to her being super cold, but now, we see that she purely does what she deems best for the patient at hand

- also, once again, the concern ava feels. you can hear it in her voice. we forget this part of her way too often

- the smile on ava’s face when she gives the family good news. god wept

- and then more concern when connor tells her they need to put him on ecmo

- the reason that ava is frustrated that connor didn’t go with her decision for their patient care is because she truly believes that if they don’t go with her treatment, he will die. don’t make it anything different. don’t argue she’s frustrated because he’s not listening to her. don’t make it anything about their relationship. she puts their patients care first and foremost

- there’s a stark shift in her demeanor when in the room with the parents vs. her alone with connor. in the room, you can see she’s stewing. she’s sucking on her teeth, she’s holding her emotions. she has control, she’s a professional. out of the room, she has full reign to be as mad with connor as she wants, which she does.

-AVA RAN INTO THE ROOM AGAIN WITH THE LAB COAT AND GLOVES AND IDK IT JUST HAS ME FEELING SOME KINDA WAY

- the way ava acknowledges everyone in the room (the nurse just informed them that the drug was running, ava nodded. just a little thing but yk)

- ava shaking her head at this sad, sad man (connor, who is floundering for a solution and misplacing his anger)

- their entire relationship is misplaced anger

- the fact that the last shot of the scene has connor in the foreground looking over the bed and ava watching from the door but ava is the one in focus - some cool cinematography points

- IS THIS THE EPISODE WHERE MAGGIE GOES TO JAIL

- med really went all over the place

- JUST THE AMOUNT OF CONCERN ON AVA’S FACE. im gonna say it again. look me in the eyes and tell this women is a psychopath. the med writers are fucking insane

- and when the parents ask ava if she disagreed with connor’s treatment decision, she has every opportunity (and right, frankly) to throw him under the bus and undermine him. but still, she says “it’s a complicated situation.” like. she never ever makes it personal, or loses her head. especially not to a patient. and she doesn’t have to defend connor. he’s made a lot of mistakes, and taken it out on her a bunch of times. yet she’s still nice to him, when he’s not even in the room

- it’s insane

- this is also the legendary scene where she comforts the family. there’s not a lot that i haven’t already said. this is the scene that most exemplifies ava’s humanity, the way she seems to feel, at least residually, what these parents are going through (since she obviously hasn’t gone through anything like this herself [unless.]). the way she kneels down, and gets on the family’s personal level.

- I... okay listen. I absolutely HATE the parallel they pull her between the line “I believe whenever you do something out of love, it can never really be wrong” and connor. especially because they show him when she says that line. and yeah, there’s obviously a connection that can be drawn between the meaning of that line and her sociopathic behavior in s4 and s5.

- it honestly feels like when writing s4, the writers hit so much of a wall they just googled the most ‘iconic’ ava moments and thought ‘how can i use these in the worst way possible?’ That’s honestly probably what they did (ava’s first interaction with connor - ‘you better watch yourself,’ this moment). There is no nuance to her character in s4. it is astoundingly terrible.

- lets move on

- THE WAY CONNOR LOOKS AT AVA HER MAKES ME FUCKING SCARED. HE HAS NO EMOTION ON HIS FACE. I know that we’ve been screen capping ava throughout this series but can someone find pictures of connor looking at ava bc, i need yall to remember how weird he looks

- like, no shade to connor, but just the emotion is undecipherable, but it is in no way a good one

- ava getting concerned (and looking slightly embarrassed) when she sees connor watching her by the door. obviously yeah she’s gonna feel weird you just caught her in a very uncharacteristic moment, outwardly expressing comfort. fucking back off

- i am so fucking protective of her and i demand he no longer look at her. it’s banned

- sam abrams looking at sarah’s dad’s head ct and asking if he’s a criminal. oh boy

- from a writer’s perspective, the storyline with sarah’s dad is actually pretty good

- ava ran into the room with gloves and lab coat again, if anybody wanted to know

- for the record, want it to be noted, ava was the one who realized that it was an issue with the machine again, so you could say she fixed connor’s mistake, again. so.

- connor making a big deal about handing the reins over to ava (if he really was selfless he wouldn’t have made a whole big thing, he still has an enormous hero complex)

- handing off control was very hard for him. boo hoo get some fucking humility I think they sell it at walgreens

- sarah fucking walking across the ed like she’s going to war. dramatic

- med really said pedophiles deserve rights with this ep huh

- anyway

- the way ava smiles

- the way she smiles when she turns him down. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT? SHE TURNED HIM DOWN. in the aspect of the story i cannot remember why she turned him down, but hey, i’m happy

- and it only further proves my story that the hook up came from a place of anxiety, and this is her realizing how silly that decision was. and her smiling was her laughing at herself for making such a stupid decision

- ALSO. LET’S TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THIS DECISION, THE DECISION TO TURN HIM DOWN, HAPPENED IN THE SAME EPISODE WHERE SHE SAID ‘IF YOU DO SOMETHING FOR LOVE, IT’S NEVER REALLY WRONG’

- like she literally says ‘last night was a mistake.’

- honestly, it’s fucking hilarious. connor deserves nothing

- and the confusion on his face when she walks away. hilarious

- if you wanted to take this the reesker route you could argue that the idea of ‘a decision of love’ was ava coming to terms with her slight little crush, though i don’t know how clean it would be if you argue that she panicked and told herself those were feelings meant for connor. idk, i’ll have to think about it further

- watching sarah let herself be betrayed by both herself and the people around in the story surrounding her dad will never not be hard to watch

This was a very good episode, character wise, for all the reasons stated above. It just hammers home the point of how strong a character Ava was. Key word, of course, being ‘was’. My conclusion over the last two episodes is that this specific sexual encounter with Connor was born out of a moment of anxiety from Ava. I suggest that over that last few weeks or days she has been experiencing some amount of anxiety out of having been living in Chicago for six months and only having one interpersonal relationship. So, that idea kind of built where she told herself the reason she only had one relationship was because she was in love with him. Then. after going through the story with this kid and comforting his parents, she realizes that she never actually loved Connor and maybe has a thing for someone else. I’m glad that I keep coming up with more ideas for this character, I was afraid the initial theory was somewhat of a one-off, but this only proves the idea of the complexity to Ava’s character.

I’m sure it’ll get worse from here, though.

as always, thanks for sticking through

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Extra

#chicago med #med rewatch series #ava bekker #mine #born this way

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white-manz-whore · 5 years

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sunday august 25th, 2019

i know and understand that brandon is cancelled. but i still get flustered when i am around him ugh

i saw carl today! i have had this entire plan to ask him all these questions but I never got the chance to. I first saw him while I was doing go backs (returning products customers decide they don’t want). I was hoping to see Avery while doing this but NOTHING. anyways, I only talked to carl for like 20 seconds because he was working and I was working so yeah.

Anyways when I went on lunch I was hoping to see carl in the break room but he wasn’t there. as I was panning the room I fuckiNG SAW BRANDON SITTING IN THE CORNER EATING ALONE.. BITCH MY JAW LITERALLY FUCKING DROPPED. MY MOUTH OPENED. I was so fucking shoooook. I fully expected him to be out eating with his friends awifujwlfijhil. after I walked in he noticed me and quickly looked away. while I was sitting down I pulled a Nina and took a picture. its really bad because I was hella nervous and could barely hold my phone oops. the back of his head is cute oops.

not long after I sat down he got his stuff and left.

after I finished eating I left the break room to go outside and look for carl at his usual smoking spot. nothing. so I decided to go to my car and charge my phone while I call my friend. we only talked for a few minutes because the poor soul was busy. anyways as I go out to leave my car STARTS BEEPING AT ME. LOUD ASFUCKKK. the alarm was going off and I had to idea how to make it stoppp. I shut my door. I unlocked the door. I locked the door. I pushed the alarm button on my key fob. I turned off and on my lights lmao. I TURNED ON MY CAR AND NOTHING. it eventually stopped on its own. I was so stressed and nervous I had no idea if anyone was around bc that shit was hella embarrassing. I stayed in my car for like another minute beaucse I was spooked and if there was someone around I didn’t want them to see me get out of my car oops. I also had no idea why the heck it did that.

when I first got the car I remember reading in the owners manual that there's a security system set in place in which the alarm will go off if it things that you have locked your car, walked off, and accidentally left your key fob in it. thats what I assumed happened? I don’t know to be honest. in the moment I thought that i would never find a solution for it to stop because I felt like I tried everything and it wouldn't shut off. my mind went to the worst place (as it does) and I thought it was just never going to stop going off and my battery would drain and I would be stranded at Walmart. that reminds me, I need to put jumper cables in my trunk in case anything ever does happen. *knock on wood*

after all that I was still stressed and embarrassed but it was getting hot in my car so I was like “its time to dip”. after I opened the door THAT BITCH STARTED BEEPING AGAINNNN. honestly at this point I had no idea what to do. I thought that I should just get out the car or throw my key fob out the window so that it doesn’t think I left it inside. I kept locking and unlocking my car so that it realized that I was still in the fricken car and that bitch wouldn’t shut off. this time I had the door open and like jiggled the ignition and I think that turned it off. I don’t know honestly. it may have just turned off on its own again. im still mad at my car for this. my black Tesla would NEVER do me like that.

after it shut off the second time I finally left my car. as I was walking out there was a car passing by, I look up and a guy winked at me (ew). and as I continued walking he conitnued to look at me while he was driving. then he made a left turn to park in the lot and he was STILL looking at me. I make a face at him bc that shit annoys me oops. I did not want to be outside when that guy got out of his car so I started speed walking towards the entrance.

this is where I notice carl having a smoke and Brandon sitting down on the ground next to him while they talk. they were in carls OTHER smoking place UGHGUHSIHEIRGHU. and they have a CLEARRRRR ASSSS VIEW OF MY CAR. I don’t know if they saw me walk to my car / walk from my car / STRUGGLE TO TURN OFF MY CAR ALARM. at this point im embarrassed as fuck and ready to run away and hide. I was fucking pacing around walmart as I always do when im stressed.

I then saw them both go into the break room area. I wait like one minute and then decide to go inside. Carl being carl asks how I am. we enter the actual break room area and talk for a bit. Brandon was outside in the little hallway thing, but he did walk into the break room for a few seconds while I was talking to carl.

i told him how I saw him outside a few minutes ago and that I struggled to turn off my car alarm. he told me “oh that was you?”. anyways I explained to him what happened and how I have no idea why the heck it went off or how to turn it off. he told me I should probably look at the owners manual to get more info on that in case it ever happens in the future. we talk a bit more until he tells me that he has to get back to work.

so I walk him out to the little hallway area and expect Brandon to be long gone because we were talking for a while. but I found him there eating a granola bar looking cute as heck ):. I caught him off guard and he looked all shy and cute im annoyed. he smiled at me ):. carl mentioned how a few people in cap 2 got employee of the month (him and Brandon included) so theres a photo posted on the wall. I should take a picture of that and send it to y'all. when carl told me this Brandon ACTUALLY spoke in my presence for the first time in a hot minute. I think all he said was “yeahhh” while holding both his arms up pointing towards the photo. once again, he was acting cute as heck IM ANNOYED.

this is the best stock photo I could find. Brandon did something similar but obviously not as creepy looking. and he was facing the photo and not me. and his arms weren’t bent like that. honestly I'm just trying to get y'all to picture how it all went down because I don’t know how to describe things in words.

when my lunch was over I saw Avery with a friend. I discovered that today is his day off. he was looking fine as heck as per usual ugh. I'm starting to think that he isn’t a full time worker because I swear I don’t think he works 5 days a week.

i later saw brandon at self check. I never made eye contact with him and I never caught him staring. but he was very obviously just looking around for me to look at him if that makes sense. along the outside of self checkout theres a lot of chips and candies and he was just looking at that. and then he went to look inside one of those cooler things with sodas/energy drinks in it. and then he looked at the fucking Pokemon card things that are also near self check out. after he made a circle around self checkout looking at all that, he walked out the door and left without buying anything. during this time he didn’t look or smile at me unlike how he was two hours before that when I saw him on lunch. and this goes back to me mentioning how one moment he seems interested and the next he doesn’t.

so the last time I saw him today was when he got off work. I don’t know what he bought but he went to the register across from me. I thought he was going to say hi to me, and he might have if I didn’t have a customer. thats what he did the last time ):. so before this even happened I told the cashier he went to how I embarassed myself on my lunch today (car alarm thing). she told me that I shouldn’t be embarrassed and how she’s done way more embarrassing things. anyways after he left i told the cashier that the reason I was so embarrassed about the car alarm thing is because a cute boy that works at walmart saw. and so naturally, she asked who it was. I told her “its actually a guy that went into your line a few minutes ago, he works in CAP 2″. She replied with, “I know exactly who you're talking about, he is cute but you could do better” i love this girl aksjndfiuahebfuifo. we started talking about him for a while and I discovered that he rides bike to work. the whole time I thought he took the bus but the more that I think about it, riding a bike makes more sense because he gets out late and idk when the trimet stops running.

if my calculations are correct, brandon is off the next two days. in other words he isn’t working until wendesday. but I have wednesday and Thursday off so I won’t see him. and then when im back to work on friday carl is off both friday and saturday. the whole point of this is to inform you that the three (me, carl, and Brandon) of us aren't going to all work at the same time until next sunday. exactly a week from today. these are the best days because carl is with brandon a lot. and carl talks to me a lot.

also carl wants to have dinner together or see a movie before i leave for school. and thats cool but i feel weird about it for some reason idk. how do i avoid this.

also, while working some guy asked me how i pronounce my name. he told me that he’s never met someone with my name and how it was pretty. I had war flash backs to the time that Gabriel asked for my number because he also asked how I pronounce my name. anyways the guy from today was CUTE as heck.

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ramblingshit · 5 years

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Jane Eyre - 1997 - 4/5

Rochester: Drama Baby Version.

dude he's so obvious with his love and intent for her to be his bride but because he's indirect and she can't imagine that he could possibly mean her she's like well fuck off then mate leave me to my broken heart and he's all wtf ooooooh damn i can work with this ey welcome to jealousy miss eyre, omg his every look and word is literally an 'i love you' he's so confused ahahaha grumpy affff when janes off to see reed. he's so mad 'can you explain the 28 day week to me', all sulking on a wall and surprising her as she enters the grounds like what a drama queen, so sulkily angry as he's convinced she hasn't even thought or worried of him while she's been away; first time she admits she'll miss him even though its his plan to tear the truth of whether she loves him he is so momentarily stunned and affected by it before he gathers himself and moves on with yet again another round the fence declaration; all that fuckin talk of being direct and honest and now she's yelling at him and these mutherfuckers are gonna have some wild sex goddamn they're so passionate in anger and outrage and love and excitement - she's like o no let go of me you don't love me and he just goes in for the fkn kiss like bitch YOU THOUGHT, shes gonna eat his hair goddamn the sex is gonna be next level. throwing himself head-first into his love for her, loving and spoiling and being as intimate as appropriately possible, literally tells her blanche was a tool to make jane jealous and she's fkn overjoyed to hear he didn't like the pretty intelligent lady, arguing about her veil and he keeps trying to override her askance for plain and simple 'i'll get married in this if you continue' she snaps fucking eyyyyyyy take him by the balls m8, they're disgustingly sentimental for each other omg seriously its sickening they're fucking each other with their eyes, they fkn adore each other the chemistry is reaaaaaal, dramatic reaction shots the wedding band falls to the ground omg he's ALREAD Y MARRIED AHHHHH Mason nooo oh all the servants are here on this one whoops, dramatic NOOOOOOOOOOOO from rochester this is amazing WIFE?????? The DRAMA he STEPPED On the RING on the way to the house so awkward Mrs Fairfax was right to be nervous - he's ripping Jane's arm off dragging her along everyone is out of breath and confused - damn its actually a really cool set up, her room giant pillows nailed to the wall; all gypsy like, she's got hella tits damn bertha she mad as fuck, Jane's standing there in a veil as long as she is tall, all white and perfect and Mrs Fairfax beautiful lady she is is holding Jane while Rochester rages and rants and breaks this is such drama my dude exposition is strong with this movie - BIGAMYYYYY - for the first time they stand together and you can SEE the wall between them, he kissed Bertha on the head and holds her as he glares at everyone, then he just storms out without even looking at Jane, Fairfax is distraught for Jane damn son who needs a mum when you got a housekeeper. he's sitting outside she's got bags like bye doesn't even look at him what a powerplay he's storming after her tryna get a reaction acting like a little boy having a tantrum scared and angry HE just pitched her bag down the stairs yelling in her face she didn't love him she just wanted to be mrs rochester to have thornfield the raaaaage and she's ice cold man like fire and ice this is fkn great you thought he was loud before just wait my dude he just keeps insulting her like that's gonna work calling her a spoiled child lolol look in a mirror my dude, she won't even look at him - he is a fucking drama queen. and now he getting mad lolol. selfish prick the drama. he's so heartbroken and angry - OH MR ROCHESTER IS IT. he used to be able to yell over her but no more she just keeps talking and it overrides him. I COULD NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JANE FAM. omg the chemistry 'you have a wife you belong to another' 'I BELONG TO YOU AND YOU BELONG TO ME WE ARE ONE SOUL' holy fuck how many romances can hit this hard 'help me to be strong' 'i need you... say you want me!' she's so moral and conscientious 'i am worth more than that.' ohhhhhhhhhh he just told her to GOO fuuuuuuuuuckkk she's gonna die - now he's regretting it and angryyyyyy. damn. DAMN. now she's suicidal and just sleeping on the ground sniffing the floor poor and homeless whoops and freezing. silly bish. shoulda stayed at ol mate's house. whoops she flopped over. this stjohn is like grecian and perfect but that look is 100% not attractive to me and he's creeping on her as she sleeps and rests he's looking at her too intimately. fuck jumping in time here months at a time its all a bit awkward - 'ive watched you carefully these last months' well that's fucking creepy. literally zero chemistry i love it. ciarans been off screen for like 5 minutes and im immediately bored and missing him. where is my drama baby. WIFE?? outrage and anger her eyes are fire and as he proposed she like stopped listening and started hearing edward's declarations instead. 'i am confused. my heart won't speak to me' 'then i will speak for it!' starts hallucinating rochester's voice calling for her lmao so dramatic 'Edward I am coming!!' Stjohn is like wtffff bye crazy. she all desperate running through teh fields dramatically but OH no the house is like non-existent. she's panting horrified can't even cope as she heard the story - she's not been anywhere near this passionately dishevelled and distressed the entire movie. I love Mrs Fairfax she's such an anxious mother. the dramaaaaa she promises to take care of him and he's like NAH FUCK THAT I WANNA FUCK he thinks she's pitying him he's so mad and embarrassed and upset 'SO YOU DIDN'T FIND A HUSBAND THEN' 'i found someone who wanted to marry me' he looks like he wants to shit a brick and set fire to the house and push the nuke button while flinging himself off a cliff - now she's laying on the jealousy he put on her with ingram. the drama he's tryna send her off because he's so embarrassed. she's passionate and certain - i will never leave your side again. nawwwww his tearsssssssss 'You are not your wounds!' 'you are everything that matters in teh world to me, edward.' he's sobbing i'm sobbing everyone's crying omgggggg this is so beautiful i love ciaran hinds she looks like she's having an orgasm just hugging him fuckin damn. nawwww happy families, she's lively and pretty and they have two kids and he's got sight in one eye and they LOVE EACH OTHER HAPPILY EVER AFTER MUTHAFUCKER YEEESSSSSSSS literally amazing I love this version.

...

Rochester:

commanding, calculating, loud, highly observant, fluent in many languages, very forward, playful, wants to always know what everyone's doing or thinking, self-deprecating, direct, like to sit in the drawing room and drink after dinner, asks by way of command - do this and its done, domineering, likes people to answer his queries directly and honestly and gets irritated immediately when they do not, enthusiastic and animated and passionate, not into secrets - will share his deepest and saddest and darkest tales with anyone remotely intimate with him, brutally honest but completely without intention to harm or offend, heavy sleeper, loves her pretty much by their first conversation, eyes light up his face make him look younger and brighter, lays it on too thick too fast, love is all-encompassing, the moment she pulls away he's off to lay on the jealousy and envy from Jane upon him and his lady friends who he doesn't give a shit about, deeply sarcastic, proud, superior, moody, sulky and childish bastard i love him its so pathetic and cute she's got so much power over him that he pretends she doesn't have, happy to lie by omission, won't let her storm off angrily - they'll keep talking until things calm between them and then they'll part, talks in riddles then gets frustrated when people don't understand him, selfish, jealous of anyone getting her attention but him, likes to torment her when he's angry, the law unto himself, jubilant in love with her, they dance together without music, entirely emotionally dependent on her love and affection - unhealthy relationship eyyy

hears a noise behind a door and as she leans to look the door opens and she silently moves with it, hiding behind it back against the wall as the entity enters and then leaves without seeing her - the door closes and she is frozen behind it and against the wall for a long few moments before bursting into action.

watch the sunrise together - so distracted by an argument that they miss it

"lets not argue then, lets shake hands and be friends'

woman in long white lace veil twitching out in front of the moonlit window, just a fkn creepy ass silhouette

#jane eyre #rochester #edward rochester #ciaran hinds #1997 #love #adoration #movies #reviews #commentary #ramble #rambling shit #shit #samantha morton

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softboywriting · 6 years

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Y’all need to know something that’s going on with me right now. I’m making this post in your best interest because I feel like it’s important that other writers and bloggers who follow me should know. If you follow or contact the user ironfurycollector, they are not an honest person and faked their own death to me.

Okay so I started talking to her in September and it was great. both Shawn fans and she loved my fics. we exchanged a few pics, and we talked about our lives a little bit from time to time. but i started to wonder why she never posted anything on her blog, only liked everything. no big deal. some people just dont reblog a lot.

then there was some outtake pics she bought that she was gonna email to me and when she sent them they were from her ‘brother’s email. she said something about hers being hacked a while back. now the question is, why not just make a new one? it takes ten seconds. (this email fiasco can be backed up by another trusted friend, more to come on this.)

it was a red flag but i ignored it and moved on. we talked more and more about shawn and my fics. (side note: some time in December she sent me a pic that her friend recently took but she was in a hoodie and a puffy coat, it’s dead ass summer in AUS rn. NOT coat weather. i mentioned this in the chat but she just moved on to another topic) but then i started getting really suspicious after she entered this relationship with her brother’s best friend. see, it was too perfect, too ‘fic’ like but i just went with it cuz it was interesting and maybe he was this good and i was a sucker for it.

but then it just got over the top. the stories, the details, it just was too much for a first time relationship and the guy/her being only 18-19 years old.

so at one point he supposedly left a little scavenger hunt of notes around her place when she fell asleep and he had to leave. this was only a week or two into their relationship. pretty unbelievable. so then shes sending me pics of the little riddle notes for her scavenger hunt and the handwriting changed half way thru. also, one of the pics there was a guy’s leg in the pic. and she lied to me and said it was a fake one her brother pranked her with on Halloween. well. i called her on that, asking for a pic of it and she fessed up to lying saying ‘she was embarrassed cuz she couldn't figure out the clues and she had her friend Bradley come over to help her’. which, honestly sure i’d buy but why lie? and how fast did he get there? smells fishy.

moving on. i was confused cuz she said her friend was named Bradley. well. that was also the name on the ‘brother’s email’ she was using. i called her on this. she said they are both Bradley and she calls her brother B. I was iffy. What are the chances. Honestly.

At this time i called her out and told her i thought she was cat fishing me. and asked to see a pic of her with the notes from the scavenger hunt. which she took forever to send a pic, making up the excuse of being in the bathroom, and they getting dressed but finally did. it appeared she was holding the notes but idk tbh. (in all her pics shes sent it’s clearly the same girl)

Fast forward and she has this wild weekend with her now boyfriend/ brother’s best friend. like so much sex. it’s literally impossible how long they supposedly went and how many times her boyfriend supposedly came. it was just too wild and for her claiming to be a virgin, it was too much and he, being a supposedly 18yr old was way too experienced sounding. seriously. it was like a fic.

so like i asked for a pic of her boyfriend cuz supposedly he’s so shawn like and shit and all i’ve seen was this one generic pic of him (god knows where that came from) and she can’t get any on facebook and blah blah. now i asked several times for pics of this boy (shes with him all the time) but she always had an excuse. always.

at this point im just so suspicious she’s lying about everything. now her boyfriend is going off for a sports camp thing for a month in the US. shes sad. okay. but then about two days later she says she has some family drama and won’t be available for a few days. im like okay. shit happens.sure.

she tells her best friend ‘Bradley’ to message me on tumblr so i wouldn’t be lonely. so he had to make a tumblr cuz ‘he just used hers to read your fic’. so im like okay sure. well. while i talked to him i noticed he speaks, types, has the same exact quirks as her. i mean so specifically the same. i use lmao a lot, too much perhaps. and she started using it too cuz we talked all the time, you pick things up from people. but for this guy, whom ive never spoken with and i assume would have their own quirks and way of speaking, to be the exact same is super fishy to me.

so a few days later she texts me (i have her cell # and have since just after the boyfriend thing started) and shes like saying that she’s not in AUS anymore and that her boyfriend just COULDNT be with out her and paid for a flight to come stay with him for a week in the US while he’s doing his sport thing. Not sure where an 18 year old boy gets money like that let alone how she was staying with him, specially if he was on an exchange program for a school function. red flag. im suspicious.

so then she says ‘oh its so boring here all day with out him cuz hes at camp for sports” and im like thinking well....you could text me all day or message me on tumblr but you don’t? doesn't make sense. so when i get a chance to talk to her, she says shes heading home soon. and i ask what the family drama was and she says something about her aunt. and i dont remember how it came up but i asked about her living situation back home. cuz previously she’d sent me stuff about living with a roommate but now she was saying she lived with her brother. so i asked. and she said she lives at home but her parents have been away for a while but they just came back and then there was drama with her aunt. like, what? that just didn’t make sense to me at all. she never mentioned moving or anything and always said she lived with her brother (never mentioned parents ever before and also where the fuck would they be for so long??). (also side note, when we first started talking she said she had a horse/pony and his name was Waffles i think and she loved him so much and was always out there with him. never ever heard about this again. ever.)

so here’s the point where i am just done with this and i have a bad feeling and i can’t ignore it anymore. she tells me her boyfriend will be back soon and i should go talk to Bradley about my concept i wanted to tell her about. i told her im not as comfortable talking to him about it cuz it’s not the same. she insists. and then...she calls him Larry. and im like what? who? and she tells me this story how that’s his nickname cuz her mom would call them that when she got mad when they were kids. (that makes no sense) and she called him that since he beat up some guy for her in high school (still makes no sense and now im absolutely done with this not adding up shit) also this whole time ‘Bradley’ hasn’t been on for a day or two. and suddenly as soon as i say goodbye to her. he’s suddenly online. Fishy.

I decide not to talk and i block him to see what happens. nothing happens. so now i decide to take this story to a friend on here who i trust a lot. she tells me to block her and see what happens. see if she notices. a day later and she’s supposed to be home from the US and back in AUS. i get a text, something about a car accident on the way home from the airport. I don’t respond.

at this point my trusted friend mentions a user randomly contacting her and sending her outtakes in exchange for writing a oneshot a while back. and that the email was weird and ‘fishy’ and ‘from her brothers email.’ low and behold. it’s the same person i’ve been talking to. and she told my trusted friend that she got the pics ‘from her friend’ when she told me should bought them (with what money idk cuz they were expensive $80-$100 per sets and yet she was complaining about bring broke??)

I go on with my blogging and writing. next day. she doesn't text me. another day and she sends something along the lines of “hope you’re okay i noticed you haven’t been active.” I don’t respond because I want to see if she notices I've blocked her and asks me about it.

another day passes.

I don’t get any messages about being blocked, or asking what’s going on or why can’t she see my tumblr, etc. Things that an actual person and normal friend would probably be sending texts about far more frequently than just one or two texts.

so then i get a text today from her cell that says this

which i don’t believe for one second. so i take it to my trusted friend. and she tells me that she has liked a few of her posts since last night. oh. really. blogging from the grave huh? So i ask my trusted friend to message her. to see if she replies. and low and behold:

I’m honestly pissed off and hurt. I called this person my friend. I grew to trust this person and share my days/stories/ideas with them. I have no idea how much is true of what she’s ever told me. I have no idea if she is a real person or another person pretending. But even if all the other stuff that I was iffy on and sent up red flags for me were somehow bizarre truths, this text is a lie. She faked her own death and I am calling her out on this. Because I won’t be friend with a person like this. And I highly suggest no one is because this is wrong and sick.

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nabilfekir · 6 years

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below is a long ass paris saint-germain post-ucl thoughts essay

to start.....im not even mad that we’re out....im mad that they didn’t even fucking try. after the first leg (in which the same old story of “we crumbled” plays on), they all came out on social media asking for supporters to be there on march 6th and the supporters were there, the supporters showed up.....but where the fuck were they? where the fuck was the team??? they asked for our support, we gave it and what did they give us in return? the same old bullshit we get every year. i didn’t see “warriors” on that pitch. i saw a bunch of pussyholes and cowards (excuse my language).

the only players i give credit to are areola and thiago silva, the rest were shocking. i’m so fucking disappointed to be honest. they all cried out on instagram for supporters not to give up and then they go and visibly give up on the pitch, give up on the biggest stage in club football for everyone to watch. fucking shameful. even if we don’t go through at least WIN the game at home, or even at least give it your fucking all to the 90th minute plus stoppage time. that’s the least we ask of them.

now key parts of our team will be looking for the exit door in the summer and they’ll think they weren’t the problem but this was a loss they all participated in as a team...everyone on that pitch but areola n o monstro. the rest of the team all has to eat a big ass piece of that L pie. they don’t get to think they’re better than this team bc absolutely none of them proved that on the pitch. the exit door is open for those who want to leave - marco i love u but every summer its the same shit with rumors and this past summer u crossed a line so if you want to leave bye see ya bc i’ve had enough. draxler can go too, him and his fans like to think he’s better than the team but i can count on one hand the amount of good games he’s had this season when we give him the chance to prove himself. if neymar wants to go m*drid please do, i’d love to have the spotlight off of us but know they’ll have to pay 444m aka double we paid for him lmao fuck yall if you think you’re gonna get his ass at any price less than wtf we paid for him bet on that. idc to keep him against his will but we’re sure as hell not gonna record a 222m loss so if they want him, pay up. rabiot can go too, if he wants to go to the prem then let him, he’s also been hinting at thinking he’s too good for us and he’s free to go and prove that somewhere else. cavani looks like his foot is out the door and his service to this club was greatly appreciated but since he broke ibra’s record he’s looked distracted and disinterested and he’s been in the media saying he wants to win the copa lib so let him go back to argentina if thats what he wants. let timothy weah work his way into this team and see if he can be a good striker for us.

on that topic......i am desperate for us to use our academy better. as most big european clubs, the path from academy to first team has gotten harder to follow but i don’t want that for us. i don’t want us to be ch*lsea loaning out or our youth like cattle to make us money or whatever and never giving them a shot at the first team but then they go somewhere else become a star and we sit there looking like idiots. if they’re good, give them a shot, especially if we wrap up the league soon, why not give some of them a TRY at the very least? 20-15 minutes at the end of a game at least? we only used tim weah bc we were trying to rest for real m*drid, otherwise it never would’ve happened. how long has nkunku been in the squad but he still mostly comes on as a sub in the 80th minute, and kimpembe needs to start being utilized more before he decides to leave because thiago at this point must be eyeing retirement. presnel is an amazing player and has psg in his blood and would fight for the shirt and this team more than any player on that pitch. we need to start making better use of our academy period point blank. our youth team captain yacine adli is being eyed up by clubs like m*n city b*yern b*rcelona ars*nal but hasn’t gotten a single look in with us and tbh i think he’ll probably leave and that will be another talented prospect leaving our academy without having played for us. and watch he becomes a great midfielder meanwhile we pay out our ass to buy one from some club.

anyone who wants to leave the team, let them. anyone who thinks they’re better than the team, sell them. let’s give our titis parisiens a shot in this team and keep a low profile, i’m tired of making a public entertainment show of ourselves for everyone to keep an eye on, we bring too much attention to ourselves and that heightens everyone’s expectations for us in the ucl, which we’re destined to fall short of.

the coach........lord have mercy we need this man gone in the summer. we have to bring in a coach with champions league experience if we’re really trying to build a project to win it. it was stupid to keep him on after last year anyway with having been embarrassed in the ucl and on top of that come second in the league. i’m still baffled how nasser let that happen. and even more stupid was to think a coach who won the europa league a couple of times could give us glory in a competition at a much higher level than that. he’s a europa league manager and that’s his level and will always be his level, it’s time to let him go. he’s fallen below expectations way too many times. get a manager with ucl experience either winning it or at least having been to a final, a manager with a personality and tenacity and fight to give this team a better mentality.

our biggest problem is that our mentality is weak as shit. we have a team capable of getting far in the ucl - strong players, technical players, talented players! - but our mentality when the going gets rough or when there’s a little bit of pressure???? disgraceful and disgusting and embarrassing. i’d back a ligue 2 team to beat us if they really fought for it, the same way rc strasbourg beat us earlier in the season, the same way ly*n beat us earlier this year, the same way m*rseille was a free kick in the last second away from beating us for the first time in 6 years back in october. when a team fights with actual passion and fight....we crumble....and badly, they don’t even have to play well but play with strength and the will the win. its so sad to watch honestly. it’s literally our weakness.

we’re a good team. we went out to a better team. i knew we were out as soon as the draw happened. i knew we weren’t getting past them, despite all the m*drid fans being fucking dramatic about it. the back to back ucl winners? it doesn’t matter what kind of form they’re in, they were going to beat us. there was no question of it, as if it their team wasn’t going to show up on the biggest stage? when they have nothing else but the ucl to fight for? it was never going to be easy and we got knocked out by the literal title holders. we didn’t get an easy draw, or even a moderate one, in fact we got probably the hardest draw, i dont care what m*drid fans or anyone else has to say about that.

but again....it’s not about the fact that we got knocked out - we got knocked out by the current uefa champions league champions! that’s nothing to be embarrassed of - but it’s HOW we got knocked out, thats the embarrassing part. no fight no passion no goddamn BALLS. when it was time to stand up and be counted and show we’re more than a “money team”.....we didn’t. any criticism that comes our way now, we invited upon ourselves. we didn’t need to buy neymar to win the champions league lmao, that wasn’t the solution whatsoever.

our team last year but with a fighting spirit would be better than our current team this year (with neymar) but with our weak mentality.

if we had fighting spirit and passion and the willingness to get dirty and play hard and fight for our lives on THIS VERY DAY last year against uefalona, we might have made it through then, we wouldn’t have won it, but at least gotten through to the next round despite the ref’s utter bullshit.

anyway i’m not even hurt about the game anymore. i’m more worried about how this will affect our season, but even more so i’m worried about what will happen to us in the summer when verratti, rabiot, cavani and more will be wanting to leave.

at this point this team HAS AND I MEAN HAS to do a domestic treble (EDIT: it would be a quadruple i guess cuz we won the trophée de champions at the beginning of the season against m*naco).....like anything less is a big fat fucking failure of a season. the cup final against m*naco.....i mean now i’m worried that if m*naco turn up and really fight for it, we’re probably still going to be licking our wounds from this match and lose. and i really need us to beat them for mbappé’s sake lmao.

anyway this team truly disrespected the fans that night (again! second year in a row!) and i’m hurt and fuck the champions league fuck both teams from that night and fuck emery.

#i said i wouldnt be on here today but i finally decided to actually let my brain think about that match so i had to vocalize my thoughts #now i'll be off toongler for a bit bc this place is ugly as usual #the thought of all the players who might leave this summer is literally going to make me cry so i want to say a big fuck u to this team #a queue is and will be running #and that's all folks

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honey-yoongles · 6 years

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Written BTS ship for btsismy6thkink

Written ship YEEEAAAAS (sorry it’s long)

Hello… it is I, one of your favourite people in the world, I am here for a ship. Also I do apologise for this being unnecessarily long, and disclaimer to you can ship me with whom ever it doesn’t need to be my bias I won’t get mad, but I might get wrecked😂

I mean you know what I look like, but if anybody else reading my ship doesn’t then this is for their curiosity. Brown, collarbone length hair also newly with bangs; blue eyes, kinda chubby but I mean I don’t mind I look cute anyway and I’m 174(coincidentally making me shorter than all the members. I don’t know if this is necessary but I have 3 marks on my body proving how unlucky and clumsy I truly am, scar at my eye(a kid threw a shovel from a decent height, thanks for that you fucking twat), scar on my finger (tried to open a can of dog food but cutting myself in the process), burn on my foot(I spilled boiling water on it while making noodles).

I’ve been struggling with mental illness since I was like 10, I used to have undiagnosed anxiety and depression causing me an inability to talk to people and easily be embarrassed and it then proceeding to my brain driving me to the edge because I couldn’t take it. I’ve been able to control it though, sure I’ve had meltdowns and suicidal thought but it got better for a while… not going to lie it’s gotten worse again but hey, I’m not planning on quitting now.

Okay, so personality traits are + INFJ (advocate, that’s what the internet tells me) + Kind, even to people who don’t deserve it. + Forgiving + Weird + Happy, even with my mental illnesses I am happy. + Funny, like yeah but dark humour + Always hungry + Stubborn(so stubborn I taught myself to ride a bike, I didn’t speak in front of my parents when I was a baby only to myself when I was alone and I taught myself English bc my teacher wasn’t good at it) + Caring + Helpful + Positive

My dream job would be a writer, but frankly I will settle for teacher as the only person who believes I could write is dead and I’m not about to have people make fun of it. I am that one huge tea drinker who doesn’t known when I should stop, I LOVE books with a passion, I want to own every book I read and that’s just how it is. I love makeup which is just a way of expressing myself. I don’t have a huge support system but I got one person I would trust with my life and frankly to whom ever you ship me with they better be alright with third wheeling.

I love horror movies, like sign me the fuck up honestly I could watch them all day, they don’t scare me. However i am jumpy, literally if I drop something and then the sound reaches my ears I jump( lets just keep the anxiety thing in mind, because that is why). I have a little baby(bunny) but her name is literally baby. I love her with all my being because she is my squishy and she shall me mine(get that reference?? Sorry). Also got a dog but I mean we all know I love him. Actually I’m just a giant animal person. One more thing before I lead into boyfriend material things, I have a dirty mind, literally I can make everything you say dirty.

As for S/O, I would be supportive as fuck, kiss them any time of the day not caring about the place, probably jealous but not to the ‘crazy’ mark, the girlfriend who would let them pick the food and not actually complain bc I mean it when I say I don’t care, I don’t lie so I would tell him everything even I he did something wrong I would leave him to guess what he did. In return I would like trust and loyalty, that’s literally all I need… okay maybe like sex but I mean, we knew that at this point.

THATS IT I DONT KNOW WHAT MORE TO WRITE

@btsismy6thkink ~

Hello to you, my in fact favourite person in the world right after min yoongi ofc lmAO IM SORRy

You asked, and I will deliver! Do not apologize for the length of your submission, it’s not like the one I send you was any better!（≧ｙ≦＊） Also we can’t have you being wrecked! Therefor I didn’t have to think twice about whom to ship you with. （＾ｖ＾）

I would encourage everyone to go and check out her blog, as I personally find her writing very good! (She writes great reactions, fan-fictions as well as ships, and she’s the reason I started doing them as well!)

Once again, thank you for your submission, I hope that you like your ship and the description I put together for you as well! *hand kiss*（*＾3＾）♡

Disclaimer: This written ship will be longer and more detailed than of what I usually do. I got carried away, so this is a one-time thing only!

I ship you with: Kim Namjoon

The first time he ever laid his eyes on you, he got hooked. He found you super cute, standing alongside and having a conversation with a girl he imagined was your best friend. You hadn’t noticed him yet, you were caught up in the gossip between you and your friend, laughing and taking sips from your drink every now and then. He admired you from afar: the way your hair framed your face perfectly, your fashionable outfit and the cutest smile, which he frankly caught himself smiling along with as well. Because he was so intrigued by you, he didn’t notice that your friend had left you alone at your table. This was his opportunity, he would think to himself, as he walked across the room taking the seat your friend had just left. Puzzled by his sudden appearance, you would let out a small sigh trying not to seem interested, when in fact you were the exact opposite. Namjoon would leave the impression of being rather introverted and shy from the first glance you’d send him, but you quickly realized that he was actually such a social butterfly. The two of you would have an hour long conversation about god knows what; he even offered to buy you a drink which you kindly refused at first, but accepted the offer the second time.

Once he got to know you better, Namjoon would admire your kind, positive yet peculiar personality. Every remark from you brought a smile on his lips, causing him to usually flash his dimples that you adored so much. Being just as unlucky and clumsy as you, the two of you would always look out for each other. Once he knew about your past issues and struggles with anxiety and depression, Namjoon would be all over you. He is the worrying kind, and would want to check up on you every minute if possible. He would at times go overboard, but you knew he did it because he cared so deeply for you.

It was no secret that Namjoon was crazy for you at this point, and it didn’t take more than a month before the two of you were officially a couple. Namjoon had written hundred of love songs about other girls and his past relationships, but when it came to you, he was simply just lost for words. You were the kind of girl who deserved the world, and yet he felt like it was impossible for him to put it into words. It was however almost certain that he would manage to write you something personal in the end.

Let us not forget about the shared interests that the two of you have as well. He loved that you had a passion for reading and collecting books, and would always ask you after you finish a piece whether or not you would recommend it for him to read. When you both had the time, he would invite you to different bookstores, buying you whatever book you showed the slightest interest in. On other occasions, Namjoon loved to take you out for either lunch or dinner. He would always suggest going to fancy places with menus on different languages that none of you understood, and although you usually didn’t care where the two of you went and what you had to eat, there would still be times where you would go against his crazy ideas, suggesting something a bit more simple. Another thing that he loved when the two of you were together, was your way of showing affection towards him. The fact that you didn’t care about what other people thought about the two of you, as well as you taking his hand while walking and randomly stealing kisses in the open.

Already after the first day of your relationship, Namjoon had invited you over to their house. He had no doubts about introducing you to the rest of the boys, because he just knew how well you would get along with them. Your positive and kind charisma would attract Taehyung and Hoseok in an instant, and they would quickly become some of your best friends. The fact that you were so good with animals as well, made them invite you over to their place rather often. They didn’t really want to admit it, but you sometimes only accepted their invite to come over just to spend time with both Yeontan and Mickey, and occasionally Holly as well, rather than hanging out with them. Seokjin would also introduce you to Eomuk and Odeng, and allow you to hold and feed them, and watch them climb around in their cage all day. After a while you would also come to befriend Yoongi, who was rather distant to begin with. Once you got to know him though, he was way more open and social when you were around the house.

#btsismy6thkink #submission #bts ship #written bts ship #bts #kim namjoon

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survivor-tierradelfuego · 4 years

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Ep. 10: “Not all hero’s wear capes, some wear pajama pants and robes!” - Cody

Amy A

Everything worked out PERFECTLY. Ugh I love a good plan. Hopefully my new core 4 plus Najwah stays in power.

Olivia A

WHAT THE HELL!! Grae was my closest ally this is so disappointing. On top of everything, Aimee didn’t even vote with us!! So we’re at a 6-4 disadvantage. I don’t think anyone wants to work with us. Our last hope is finding and buying the idols and utilizing Kalle’s fake idol. I hate this.

Pedro A

woke up on the bottom...and thinking i was going home...guess what...im still here ahahahhahahahahahahhhaahhah...yall though...kalle is my guardian angel ...like if it wasnt for that girlll i would be out

ben kessler

Wednesday, July 29th, immediately after the tribal grae got voted out: heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh

Aimee

I had a long day and now Grae is gone. I’m honestly crying. Jay asked if I was okay and the river of tears just started flowing. I only knew Grae for a short while and really wanted to get to know them more. They brought such a beautiful, fun and loving energy to this game. Grae, I really am going to miss you. I’m just gonna go hug a stuff animal.

Maddison

I knew Pedro was going to play an idol. He didn’t do one single puzzle, it’s obvious he felt safe. Snakes are slithering.

Kalle N.

I truly cannot believe that our plan worked but it did and my splitting headache is totally worth it. I really feel like I deserve an Emmy or an Oscar for my performance with Maddison and Olivia after tribal but it's fine. I have absolutely no idea what comes next but boi will it be messy. I'm so sorry it had to be Grae but I didn't know what else to do. Also I hate that I'm working with Ben but don't worry I will use my chaotic energy to go against him eventually. I will now be erasing myself from the narrative and taking a break for several hours. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Najwah

OK last night's tribal was wiiiiiiild af. I think the funniest part is that this all started with me planting a seed. I told Amy L that she is at the bottom of their alliance and that I was open to working with her to get Maddison out. She spilled all the tea about Maddison having two idols and that she's been wanting to gether out for a while bc she says the same thing to everyone lmao. I think the thing that pissed Amy off is that she told her "I feel closest to you" anyway, Amy didn't respond to me immediately so I thought she wasn't on board at first so I told Cody I'd work with him and that I have the idol from Alan. Ffs. Wrong move. Cody just trust other people wit information and it's really annoying. While I love Sarah, I can't really trust her bc she's really close to Ben and Aimee - who I do not trust. Well, Aimee I am not sure about. I guess I only don't trust her because of her close Ness to Ben and Ben blatantly lies. Anyway. So Amy told me that their alliance is still trying to vote Pedro which is perfect for us coz we can still stay Hanúha strong. So at this point I realise I wouldn't have to play my super idol and Cody wouldn't have to play his extra vote. Anyway. Amy tells Kalle about the plan to get Maddison out. I send Amy a long ass message Pedro sent Zack that Zack sent me. She tells her group that Zack had sent it to her, to solidify their vote for Pedro. And then She, Kalle, Ben and Pedro form an alliance and they pull off one of the most epic blindsided. I mean, wow. Amy told me beforehand so I saw it coming and I told Cody about it too. Lmao but Ccody just can't be low key he wrote something about Maddison's two idols and he asked in the Old Hanúha group whether anyone had known about the plan lmao obviously Ben was like "no" and wtf. Ben's facial expressions at tribal was hilarious especially because I know he careful conducted this whole genius plan. I mean people still think their alliances are with their alliances and that no one has moles but there are so many layers right now and there are a few moles.

Cody just needs to shut up. Be like Ben who claims that everything he is doing is for James lmao but is in a secret alliance with the person that got James out lmao love it. I love that I can see through some of the BS right now. The only person that could fuck up my game is Cody atm but I am taking a leap of faith and trusting him. He needs to trust me too. I kept telling him to just trust the process last night and he kept freaking out. I think the realisation of Ben being a BSer got to him a bit. Also, he toldd Sarah that I spoke to Amy? Like I'm so fkn mad. Can he just shut up? Ugh that's my biggest problem right now. I LOVE CODY OMG WE SPEAK ON VIDEO CALL LIKE EVERY HOUR LMAO but I'm just scared that he is too trusting with certain people, especially at this point in the game. He also doesn't know how to be low key lmao which is kinda funny. Also, Pedro. Wev ebeen talking a lot. Pedro's friggin Greek they're speech and the vote with Grae that ended with "sorry not sorry" just. Lmao. I wish I watched this on TV. I'm sad that it happened via skype😂😂 also I am not sure how this VL confession thing works. Did I say the right things? Yall probably have all the tea already. I'm a little sad that Grae went home. She seemed genuinely nice but she was our only option because Olivia won immunity. Maddison also made us all uncomfortable coz she took the time to chat to none of the new people at merge. Like? Olivia and Grae made the effort. She just seems too safe. Too comfortable. She isn't even participating in this challenge. Is she THAT comfortable or just pissed? Who knows? Never keep to yourself like that. It makes people suspicious. Pedro does seem very smart and manipulative though and I will be weary of him. Let's go idol hunting then woohoo.

Najwah

Also I keep laughing at how ridiculously bad I am at answering questions at tribal. Omg. Embarrassing. I need like a few minutes to THINK. I always look back, and wonder why tf I said what I said. In retrospect, I'd answer last night's question with "don't we all feel like we are on the outs?" ugh. I'm so bad at it. I realise it makes me look dumb and perhaps that's not a bad thing. I don't mind looking dumb tbh. Lmao.

Cody A.

I haven’t done one of these written confessions in a while! Obviously things have been absolutely fish crazy. Idek what fish crazy means but it just came to me. And on the topic of fish... I’m pretty positive I called Maola a bunch of sharks at tribal council.

If it wasn’t for Naj last night, I would have been completely blonde sided by the vote. I had no idea what was going on, I thought the plan was to put votes on Pedro and Madison and one of them would go.

About 20 minutes before tribal naj called me and said she did not want me to feel left out of the events that were about to occur. She told me the real plan of Pedro and Madison both playing idols and Pedro casting the sole vote on Grae. Not going to lie I was scared shitless... I was so close to writing kalles name as a safety net for myself. What if Pedro would’ve cast the sole vote against me? At the very least it would’ve been a 1-1 tie between myself and kalle. I just didn’t want to be Denise’d out of this game.

Ultimately I trusted my gut which told me to just trust naj. If I had got fucked over last night, at least I would’ve went out trusting the right people. Naj also told me about a 4 person alliance between Amy, Pedro, Kalle, and BEN... My Ben!!! Smh. So moving forward I have to be very careful with the information I give and receive from Ben which sucks because I thought I could trust him more :/ Basically THANK THE LORDT FOR NAJ. Not all hero’s wear capes, some wear pajama pants and robes!

Kalle N.

So this entire time that I've worked with Ben, he always dictates our moves and every single thing I can or can't say to certain people. If I suggest something he immediately turns it down and will only do what he wants. Men are the worst. Anyways, a little bit ago after he told me what our next move is and didn't let me have any input, he suddenly said "Actually what do you want to do? You go ahead and tell me what you want". That is EXTREMELY sus and makes me think that he's just trying to make me feel better while he's secretly plotting against me. I could go along with it and just let him vote me out bc honestly I'm exhausted, or I could reveal all of the insanity that happened in the last vote to my other alliance and then expose him to his own tribe for working with me. Which would get him voted out. But that's a lot of work so I'm ngl I'm leaning towards just getting voted out myself

Aimee

I’m so glad I’m not actually on an island playing real life Survivor right now. I would constantly be in the ocean or somewhere in the bushes bawling my eyes out. And then coming back to camp like, “oh hey guys! No puffy face here, I promise! Yeah everything is peaches! Hanuha strong! Those red eyes are just from too much sun, I think I need to lay down in the shade” I’m not crying over Grae and how shitty I was to Maddison or anything, JayKay I totally am! I hate that I didn’t tell Maddison the votes were going her way. I’m not even sure why I didn’t. I’m so sorry Maddison, I really hope we can rebuild our connection and work together again. I just feel like barf and am exhausted. Trying to play this game with a full time job is tough. I hope I have the emotional fortitude to pick myself back up and put on a poker face. The last thing I need is anyone figuring out my tells and knowing what I am up to. I want to work with Ben and Maddison the most at this point. I hope I can make that work out.

Pedro A

I'm honestly scared...for the next tribal ...I feel like everyone is gonna go after me...cause apparently I'm the villan lol

Kalle N.

It's a little hard to focus on the game at the current moment bc an exciting/terrifying development may be occurring in my life in the next couple of days. I'm having a prolonged anxiety attack. We were going to try to take out Aimee so F's in the chat to pay respect. Don't know what I'll be doing. Need to go cry in the shower now.

Najwah

Sigh. It's been a very long day. I really played hard at this challenge, knowing I have a 15% DA. Do I think it's insane that someone came into the game when half the players had already been eliminated and over half the 24 hours had already passed only to NOT even try to eliminate the one person not in our alliance in there, then pretend it's all kumbaya and eliminate our alliance (who we said we won't eliminate, we made a pact?) one by one? I mean yeah it's damn insane. And not that I'm a sore loser or anything, but I wish she'd have been there when things were actually heated and when everyone else was putting in the hard work. This isn't endurance in my opinion. This is coming into a game late and reaping all the benefits. However, well done on her tactic. Love it honestly. I think she made good moves and knew when to strike and for that, of course I think she's a fkn Queen. Even though I felt as though I was so close to winning immunity, even though I tried really hard. At the end of the day, it's how you outwit and outlast your opponents. Next time I'll be sure to not read challenge rules at 4am and then try to actually understand the game properly and how I too, can make things easier for myself dammit coz I think i keep making everything so hard for myself in this game ugh. I just need one fucking WIN. Goodness I am playing so hard. Wow. Wow. Starting to wonder what panderosa is like lol must be fun. Anyway I need to sleep coz the sleep deprivation is making me feel sick af and making me paranoid about having corona.

Aimee

https://lovelyygifss.tumblr.com/post/618070044309700608/deserved-more-than-0-votesssss QUEEN SARAH!!!!!!! 👑 ♥️ This challenge proved to me so much that Sarah is in it for the long haul with me! I could tell she was never guessing for my word and I wasn’t trying hers. Team Casanova is once again coming up equal on all challenges and I love to see it! I can’t believe I got to have my Michele moment and come from behind after being hours behind in the challenge and eliminating the last three people in a row to kick down that damn puzzle! I am on such an adrenaline rush!!! After the low lows of last night this rollercoaster of game really proves you can get right back up and thrive! Haha it was so hard saying my word since I’m a pretty positive person and my word was “not.” Sarah and I never gave up in this challenge and we ended up being the last two remaining!!! I also really bonded with Najwah and Cody. That challenge was so much more than immunity it was also a great opportunity to bond with cast mates and I really capitalized on that. Even during this challenge I patched things up with Maddison too and it seems like we are back to trying to make things work with us. I feel like Grae would want that for both of us too. I went from crying my eyes out the night before to total redemption today. It was on my bucketlist to win an individual immunity and I did it on something I never knew I could win. I’m just so amped and trying to calm myself down. I’m just https://youtu.be/erG5rgNYSd Wheeler island in the sun The song I was listening to when I won immunity. 🎃🐻🌈🍑❤️💜🧡💛

Sarah

There have been so many things that have happened today... This morning Ben, Naj, and I gave Cody enough coins for him to hopefully get the idol. Cody showed me what was in the store and how there were two necklaces for $20 which was odd. He got one of the necklaces and we thought it was a real idol. Tbh we still don’t know if it’s a real idol. Cody sent a fake message to Ben and I showing that it was a “fake idol” (he got the message from Naj when she had found a fake idol). We thought it was real but when Cody found it it said “what seems to be an idol,” which makes me think someone planted a fake idol there and he did get a fake idol. I will send in more soon...

Najwah

I thought that making it to merge would be enough for me lol but somehow my goal is just to get further now. I'm at a crossroads though bc there is no one I really want to get out or back stab or whatever. Cody found a supposed idol yesterday. I told him just to tell Ben it's a fake idol and if Ben wanted to use the fake idol, he could give him my idol. Thing is, Cody is paranoid about it being a real idol or fake one that he found. I think he should just chill about it and it'll be fine. I just want Cody to be calm, I feel like without Zack's constant talking and scheming, the silence is getting to him a bit. But I quite like the silence. He thinks it means something is happening or people are plotting against him. I just think it means people are trying to sleep lol. I mean even if he was a target, he still has an idol. Ugh. Anyway it's actually a religious holiday for me today and tomorrow. So I will spend time with my husband and perhaps go to a fancy restaurant or something. I haven't felt fancy in so long and I realised everyone in this game has really seen gross, messy haired, late night Najwah lmao like I usually don't even let my friends see me this way

Najwah

It's silly trying to keep wondering who tf I can trust. I need to just go with my gut. There are a few people in the game I really like. Cody, Sarah, Amy, Pedro and Aimee. I don't know the rest and I don't trust Ben. I don't know what he's up to. He was supposed to be in some secret alliance with Kalle and Amy but he told Cody and I about them so what's really happening? Who knows? Also he keeps asking me what do I want to do who do I want out? Lmaoooooooooo.

Najwah

We had a lot of deep, crazy conversations yesterday and one of my favs were actually drooling over survivor players and realising how gay everyone is lmao. I love that. As someone who has struggled with my sexuality for most of my life, thinking I'm gay for a long time and then finding myself attracted to boys too was bizarre in the early 2000s. and being told being bisexual is a "phase" or "confusion" or that it was bc I went to an all girls school (shout out to Rhenish girls High), being in a space where everyone is really open and accepting of all this is amazing. I'm happy i live in a country where gay marriages have been legal since 2006 and ironically being trans or gay is not that big of a deal here as it is in countries way more progressive than ours. I still struggle with non binary pronouns but I am learning thanks to this game. I feel free just being who I am, whoever tf that is in this game. And for that I'm obviously very thankful. Today, I'm married to a man who appreciates my sexuality and is open to me exploring it even more. Its been a long journey and it makes me extremely happy seeing people in this game, so much younger than me and so much more sure of themselves. I'm happy that they will be spared a lot of pain and confusion. I love GenZ. I love that they just are who they are and there is no pretense. This Is so important and a luxury previous generations could only dream. Of.

Sarah

From two nights ago.... https://youtu.be/uebz8rVKNbg https://youtu.be/xQyiuiGeEpo

Olivia A

Our plan for this vote feels really ambitious but I think it’s gonna work. We’ll likely get the numbers back :)

Maddison

I’m going to have to use my advantage tonight to save my ass. Guess that’s what advantages are for, eh?

Ben Kessler

I am trying to vote kalle out. If it works, my name will be out there but it may pay off. Maddison and Olivia are definitely going for me which is fine. I need to tell Pedro 5 minutes before tribal to trust me.

Kalle N.

Maddison will use her advantage, Olivia will play my idol, the only votes that will count will be the votes we put on Cody. That's it that's the plan

Cody A.

https://youtu.be/PuZChTTJzzU

Pedro A

Okay so me olivia kalle and amy are voting cody...plus maddison will leave tribal......and olivia will play the idol kalle has....i swear if olivia votes for me...and i go HOMEEE....IM DONEE...i have a bad feeling about this tribal...im trusting the devil lol

Olivia A

Kalle has been playing double agent this whole time and told everyone about the safety without power advantage grrr what a mess

Maddison

I’m making a big move tonight and I’m not sure yet how it will pan out.

Olivia A

Kalle has been playing double agent this whole time and told everyone about the safety without power advantage grrr what a mess

Olivia A

Initially we were going to all (Maddison, Cody, Najwah, Sarah, Aimee, and I) vote Ben but we are going to switch it to Kalle because Aimee and Ben are kinda close and we want to keep Aimee as a number. I’m happy to see Kalle go after how much she has lied to Maddison and me.

Olivia A

I am SO nervous for this vote. Here is the whole plan: Maddison will play her safety without power advantage and I will play the (fake) idol that Kalle gave me. This is just so that Kalle doesn’t get tipped off that we know about her lies. Kalle believes Maddison, Amy, and I are voting for Cody and think that she is voting for him as well. In reality, Cody, Aimee, Sarah, Najwah, Amy, and I are voting for Ben. We suspect Ben, Kalle, and maybe Pedro are voting for me and expect it to work because of the fake idol that Kalle planted. I really hope this works because if people are lying then I’m definitely going home.

Ben Kessler

Dearest confessional, My life is out on the line. I am in a very vulnerable position right now and if I stay in the game tonight damage control must be done. There are many complicated plans and I work best under chaos, so these votes are hopefully good for my game overall. If kalle actually gives her idol to Olivia and we vote out kalle, maddison and Olivia and Amy will be pissed, but they do not have the numbers. I would need to do some more work to make sure I get the info that kalle is currently giving me, but it's not as bad as going farther with kalle and then losing later on. I now need to video call kalle goodbye.

#episodes

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