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ghostlythunderbird · 1 year

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The Pack ~ The Letter

Pairings: Alpha!Konig, Alpha!Simon “Ghost” Riley, Alpha!Keegan P. Russ X Omega!Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ Minors/Ageless Blogs DNI, Omegaverse, Mentions of Anxiety/Panic attack, Ghost and Keegan are kinda mean for this one (Im sorry!), Konig being a big softie for Reader, Mostly Fluff for this one!

Words: 4,437 (Went a little too wild with this one!)

Author’s Notes: Please do not repost, edit, or translate my work. This blog and all content will be marked 18+ even if there is no NSFW content, if you are underage or have no age I don't want to deal with you. So sorry for the long time to update, I'm currently recouping after my hand surgery so ill try and update when I can, it sucks trying to write with one hand XD.

Summary: After being introduced to your new pack, you are taken to your new home or 'Den' at this point. While the introduction part went almost seamlessly, your starting to figure out that these alphas might be a little hard to get along with.

The drive home was nothing less than silent; aside from König sitting in the back seat with you, the two other alphas were quiet. 'Maybe they are the strong silent type.' You had told yourself. While you wanted to ask anything about themselves, you had a strong feeling that you would be told to be quiet by these alphas.

Close to an hour later, the car had come to pull into a short driveway. Looking out the window, the house itself was decent from the outside. A standard brick suburban house, copied and pasted much like many others on both sides of the street. The red bricks and white paneling nearly blinded you as you stared at it. Before you could ponder more on the look of your new 'home' the door on your side opened, The Alpha known as Ghost stood there "Come on, out ya get."

Sliding out of the vehicle you were snatched up by König who gently guided you up the steps to the front door. "Don't worry about your stuff right now, Schatz. We will get it later." Without another word, the front door was finally opened.

Your new home was lackluster; if you googled a Bachelor pad, this would be the definition of one. While there was furniture, it didn't feel as homey as you had expected. The living room was bare other than the oversized L-shaped couch and T.V. stand it faced. Hell, these guys didn't even have a fucking coffee table, of all things. As you further overlooked the room, you noticed the bare white walls. No different colored paint, picture frames, or calendar was hung up.

Just an empty minimalistic house. Perfect for three military bachelors.

As you stepped through the front door, you nearly lost your breath after the mix of alphas scents. The overall musk almost sent you to your knees, through the overbearing scent hints of Cinnamon, Vanilla, Mint, Smoke, and Leather blended in almost perfectly.

Minutes passed as you regained yourself before you looked back towards the door to find König waiting for you to continue. "Are you okay, Schatz?" His voice was soft as he began to approach you. While you knew his second gender and the horror stories your family had told you growing up, none seemed to fit his character. His sheer size alone would make anyone panic if he approached, but with him nervously clutching his hands to soothe his anxiety. It made him appear much less intimidating and rough around the edges, reminding you more of a large shelter dog being welcomed into a new house for the first time. He wanted you to accept his home, his den, as somewhere you would feel comfortable and safe.

From Konig's point of view, None of this seemed real to him.

In two weeks, König went from a pack-less and omega-less Apex to not just having his own pack but an omega that he could protect and care for. Everything was a mirage that could disappear should he touch it. But seeing you here before him, nothing less of a goddess, made it much more believable. "If you two are going to have an emotional moment, at least move out of the fucking doorway so people can get into the damn house." Ghost growled out as he passed both of you. Keegan followed close behind, but unlike Ghost, he gave you a blank stare as he passed.

Looking down towards you, König felt his anxiety rear its head. Your face had fallen and a sour tone began to line your once relaxing scent. as you watched the two alphas walk away from the door.

As wordlessly they came in, they disappeared up the stairs to their shared room. This brought König to sigh heavily as he looked down at you again. "Don't worry, Schatz. They will warm up to you……eventually" He wasn't sure if he was telling you this or trying to reassure himself at the pair's attitude that one eighty once they were back in their den.

He didn't want you to feel they despised your existence as soon as you entered their lives. "Why don't we get you settled? I'm sure you're ready to rest." With the Apex mentioning this, your eyes lit up, and you couldn't help but smile at him. "Definitely; it seems like we all need a fat nap."

Both you and König laughed before he led you up the stairs. Reaching the next floor, he showed you where the single bathroom was and his, Ghost, and Keegan's bedrooms, just in case. At the end of the hallway was the final room. "This was Ghost's room originally, but once we were accepted, we all decided to leave one room open for you. So that you have your own space away from us." Upon opening the room, you were presented with one of the most enormous beds you'd ever seen. Resting on top were bags on bags of not just new nesting material. This ranged from thick fluffy comforters to sleek silk sheets; however, they lacked color.

It was a swirl of black and white with an underlying mix of grey.

It rendered you motionless as you took in the sheer amount, had these alphas gone out and bought you a whole nest and a half of material? You had never heard of alphas going to these lengths to make an omega comfortable. As you looked toward the Apex in the doorway, the anxiety in his posture was evident.

His hands were drawn up to his chest, clutching pieces of his shirt into his hands. He was even slouched forward to lower his overall height to match yours, even with it being impossible without him going to his knees.

"Well, I uh.....I'll leave you to get settled. Just call for us if you need anything." Without another word, the Apex left, closing the door behind him.

With that, you turned back to look at the covered bed before finally moving to clear off the excessive amount of nesting material lumped together. What you thought was an easy 15-minute job turned into 45 simply because your omega was getting too far distracted by the number of gifts she was given.

'Soft and Secure. Alphas are perfect, bringing nice gifts for a nest. The perfect nest for Alpha's pups.' She yipped. You were startled back to reality, god you haven't even known these alphas for a whole day, and suddenly, your omega is presenting herself, begging to be bred by these practical strangers. 'Jesus, you need to focus' Shacking your head to rid your mind of the intrusive thoughts, you attempted to finish your task.

Why would your omega be so enamored even after how the other two alphas seemed to want nothing to do with you?

Once all the material was put away for the time being, you had a yawn slip from your mouth. How long have you been up today? It was well over 14 hours at this point. Why not take a quick break. Deciding to rest, you had walked towards the sorted assortment of nesting materials before you settled on one of the larger and softer blankets. The void color overtook your view as you pulled it from its packaging.

'So soft,' You tiredly thought. After making it onto the bed and ensuring the blanket fully covers you, you finally lay down. Letting the bed hold the weight of your body.

It was quiet as you brought the blanket further up your chin. The only audible noise in the room was the sound of the ceiling fan. You hadn't realized how mentally exhausted you were from the entirety of not just today but the past few weeks. Each blink drew slower and slower until your vision went black, and your mind drifted to dreamless slumber.

~~~~~Flashback~~~~~

The sound of the T.V. did so little to drown out König's thoughts; König primarily spent the little time he had away from his rather dangerous occupation thinking about the 'What ifs' of his life. He was so caught in his thoughts he didn't realize Ghost had come back into the house, his hands full with mail. Most were bills, but one was large and thick compared to the rest.

Ghost placed all the envelopes on the counter before sorting them; the largest was addressed to König. From the Alpha Pack Selection Program. Something that the resident Apex had waited for close to 4 weeks for a response, one that hopefully bared good news. "König." His gruff voice echoed out.

Being pulled from his overreactive mind, the Apex leaned slightly to look at the other Alpha. The manilla folder being held transformed into a brightly lit target to the Austrian sprawled out on the couch.

The large man lunged off the couch, startling the smaller Alpha, who had just descended the stairs. "Jesus, König, a bit of a fucking warning." Keegan couldn't help but snarl after nearly getting run over by the Apex. It was rare for these sorts of incidents to happen in the house; the two alphas and the Apex were incredibly aware of where each was and their schedules.

König was zeroed entirely in on the envelope in Ghost's hand, while he may have been eager to receive this letter. He couldn't help but fear their answer; after their last response, it would make seven rejections from the program. Each time was for the same reason "Due to your Apex representation, we regretfully have to decline your enrollment to our program." But it still didn't stop him from taking it and tore the envelope open. "well, come on mate, what does it say?" Ghost nudged his arm; the Apex hadn't realized that Ghost had even rounded the corner to stand beside him.

König took in a deep breath before releasing as he unfolded the papers to read the words printed onto the paper.

Dear Applicant,

It has come to our attention that you have sent multiple applications over the last few years. Each one followed with a swift rejection from our programs as your representation would cause an upset in both our application alphas who may be paired with you and in the omegas who could be assigned to your care.

While we appreciate the time and effort you have invested in becoming part of this program, we have concluded that we will no longer accept any future applications from you. However, with this harsh news, we will allow a new application with you, but you must have at least two other alphas willing to become paired with you in a pack.

This envelope contains four applications for alphas willing to work and be assigned to a shared omega. These applications are only viable for 30 days; afterward, we will no longer accept any attempts to pair you. As well as, all previous information you provided will be deleted from our database.

~ The Alpha Pack Selection Program council

The silence that surrounded the air of the Alphas was suffocating. Even with the tv playing in the background, it was drowned out by the tense atmosphere. König felt like he couldn't breathe; until a sob forced its way out, and air seemed to flood his lungs again. How was he supposed to find someone willing to pack with him? and within 30 days? No one wanted to be stuck with him, and he hardly knew any other Alphas outside his work. And those he did work with? Most were already packed or swore off mating altogether.

This was it, his final chance to be accepted. With no potential pack-mates, he would lose his only chance of finding a mate and having pups. The world wanted him to live the rest of his life, never knowing the sweet touch of the omega for which he would lay down his life. To never know the feeling of pure happiness looking at a pup made from his omega and himself. A piece of him that he helped create.

Why? Why. Why. Why. WHY.

He hadn't realized that he was beginning to have a panic attack until Ghost dug his fingers into his shoulder. König could feel his body trembling, rolling off in waves, making his balance waver. "König, mate, you need to breathe," Ghost told him hushedly. Ghost and Keegan shared a look as the Apex slumped forward onto the counter, his head falling forward into his hands.

Steadying his breathing, König straightened his back and pushed the papers away as they burned him. While his day may have been uneventful, he wished he had never opened the damn letter now. The crushing weight that bared on his shoulders now seemed to grow heavier as the seconds passed. Looking at the stack of papers, Ghost couldn't help but look at the pages that caused König to damn near crumble before them.

The words spilled out before he made him sick. Why are they just now sending this? After all those years König spent trying to be accepted in this shitty program and getting rejected every time, they decide now to tell him what he needs to be accepted. Talk about hitting a man while he's down. Looking towards the dark-haired Alpha, leaning against the back of the couch, "Keegan, take a look at this fuckin' shit." While reading over the papers, the smaller Alpha couldn't believe the audacity of these fucking people. All this just because he was a slightly different second gender?

Casting a glance at the large Apex, who seemed to be on the verge of shutting down completely. While Keegan was a hardass, usually, he couldn't help but feel bad for his brother-in-arms. "So they are telling you to find a pack outside this program to be accepted? What a load of crap." His brain couldn't help but reel at the fact they were giving him only 30 days to figure this out; who could even help him now? He paused. Looking between Ghost and König, he knew what he was about to say would either be genius or he was about to be hit for. "What if Ghost and I pack with you?"

König and Ghost both wheeled around, both wearing surprised expressions. "The fuck are you on about? Did you hit your head on your last O.P.?" Ghost exclaimed as he stepped toward the smaller Alpha. "How are we the best options for a fuckin pack?" Keegan took a step backward as Ghost entered his space. 'Fuck, probably should have kept my mouth shut.'

Clearing his throat, "Think about it, Ghost, we're both unbonded alphas who know König the best; hell, we already live with him. And he needs a pack to be accepted. Why not throw us in and see where we go?" The air between them grew tense as the larger Alpha stared at him. "Right, and we're the best choices to take care of an omega; last I checked, neither of us have been around one." Ghost spoke through a tense jaw. As much as he was against being anywhere around an omega, he knew it was the best option between them.

König looked at them both. "A-are you guys sure? I know you guys aren't comfortable with this; I don't want you to force yourselves into this just because of me." The Apex was ecstatic to hear that they would try, but he knew he couldn't get his hopes up with this. There was still the possibility they would all be rejected.

"If this gets you into that program, I will push for it as much as possible." Keegan calmly stated. The Apex looked towards Ghost, who still looked unsure, giving him a kicked puppy look.

The blonde Alpha signed before giving König a look. "Alright, we'll give it a go. But if they reject us, this Program business stops. Are we clear on that?" König nodded ecstatically while Keegan released a deep chuff. The emotions swept over the Apex so much he didn't realize he had dragged Ghost into a bear hug. "GET OFF ME, YOU FUCKIN MUPPET; Keegan, help me out ere'!"

~~~~~~

After sending in the paperwork, they got their response two weeks later.

They were accepted.

König felt like he was about to pass out; everything was starting to work out. But it was only the beginning for the newly formed pack. Not only were they a pre-formed pack, but due to their extended military service, they were also notified that they could choose their omega. Hence the giant pile of files on the kitchen table.

It felt like they'd been at this for hours, passing the scent samples for each one to inhale. Each Alpha had the scent samples they liked, but when presented to the other two, it was met with a swift rejection and sometimes with a comment. While some omegas looked good on paper or had a decent scent, the Alphas couldn't agree.

"How about this one? She comes from a wealthy family in Italy, and it even says, 'She enjoys the finer things in life.'

"No, Keegan, It sounds like she'd be more of a glorified brat. Anyone born with a silver spoon in their mouth is nothing but trouble for people in our job."

Or it's a same-answer vote.

"Yeah fuck this one; smells like a Hospital."

"I'm going to have to agree with Ghost on this one. It reminds me of when my mom used so much cleaner in the house when I was a kid."

They thought this would be the easiest part, but they were definitely over their heads. Ghost finally stood up in a rage. "We've been sitting here for fuckin HOURS, and not a single one we have agreed on. Most of them smell like shite too." The Alpha raised his hands and walked to the fridge to grab another beer. KKönig stood as well at the other Alpha's tone. "No one said the selection was easy, and there's only a few left. Let's get through them, and then we can take a break." The Apex pleaded.

That only seemed to rile up the exasperated Alpha more "How the hell are we going to find an omega at this point? We can't agree on a single one?" Both alphas stared at each other "HOW DO YOU KNOW? WE ARENT EVEN DONE!"

Keegan watched as both alphas continued to argue; their conversation slowly was tuned out as he watched while resting his head in one hand. As much as he wanted to pipe up to aid König in calming Ghost down, He knew better than to get between these two during times like this. Before Keegan could intervene, a quick breeze of something sweet passed his nose, and the Alpha couldn't help but follow it back to the remaining folders. This scent was the best one he'd had all day, so he couldn't help but be curious.

It led him to a file towards the bottom that seemed much newer but was thinner than the other files in the stack. Once he opened it, the sweet scent was no longer teasing him. Taking the scent sample from the file, Keegan couldn't stop himself from pressing it to his nose and inhaling deeply.

It felt like he became weightless for those seconds; how had he not noticed this one earlier? It reminded him of the smell of fresh rainfall, a sweet yet calming scent. His Alpha couldn't help but be drawn to whoever the smell belonged to; without a second thought, Keegan pulled back from the cloth to look at the pages in the folder. Whoever's file this was about was the smallest one he had seen from the entire stack.

The picture attached gave him a view of the person that caught his Alpha’s attention.

You were stunning; His Alpha yipped in delight. ‘Yes, yes! Pretty mate! Must mate, Must protect!’

However, something felt wrong in the picture. Looking closer, the smile that graced your features didn't seem to reach your eyes. Your eyes held sadness and hidden anger that could reveal itself should you choose to snap. As his eyes flickered across the pages, Keegan stored everything he could about you away.

Omega Profile

Name: (Y/N) (L/N)

Age: 23

Sex: Female

Second Gender: Omega

Personality: N/A. Omega and Family declined to file the Omega Attribute survey.

The sickening sound of glass crack made Keegan snap his head upwards; the sight before him was far from good. Ghost and König stood only a few feet apart; the Apex and Alpha had their teeth bared and chests puffed up. Ghost was making his displeasure clear to the Apex while König was getting close to putting him back in his place among the three. It wasn't often it happened due to each other's work schedule, but when it did, someone was going to have their ego bruised, and some furniture might end up being broken.

“I highly recommend to watch what you say next, Simon.” The Apex spoke. His voice had dropped an octave; His Apex was close to taking over to deal with the Alpha. Ghost was silent before scoffing, moving to clean up his broken glass of bourbon. Keegan took this as his chance to break the tense air. “If you two are done with your pissing contest, I think I got one.” He slowly held up the small cloth between his index and middle fingers. As much as Keegan wanted to hoard the small cloth to himself, he needed to let at least his newfound packmates have a chance to decide if the omega was a good fit.

König was the only one who returned to the table to remove the cloth from Keegan’s hand. Lifting it towards his nose, he caught the scent almost immediately. It had him completely forgetting his altercation just minutes prior. “wow….I like this one; her scent is not overpowering and smells good. Simon, wanna try this one?” The Apex had turned back to the Alpha, who was leaning on the counter nursing a new glass of bourbon. The look in his eyes made Konig nervous; the Blonde Alpha was definitely over the whole experience, but seeing how both Keegan and König agreed on the scent patch, it seemed to be at least a contender.

Sighing, He set his drink on the counter before returning to the table. König slowly held the cloth towards him, but before he took it, he looked towards the two Alphas. “If this one smells like shite, I'm punching both of you.” Simon grumbled before snatching the small fabric. He stared at the cloth before finally giving in; as soon as the scent filled his nose, it was as if all the tension in his body had just melted away.

The other Alphas held their breath as they waited to see what the blonde alpha had to say. Simon looked at the pair as he set the cloth on the table near the open file. “Well, she doesn't smell bad. What's in her file?”

Keegan and König shared a look before handing Simon the file; It seemed they finally agreed on their potential omega.

~~~~~

The days counting down to them finally meeting you and bringing you home were absolutely hectic, to say the least. So many emotions filled the small townhouse as all three alphas cleaned and organized the house as best as they could, no omega should have a dirty home when they come home in the alpha's mind. Most were bouts of Anxiousness and Frustration, a vast majority were from the poor Apex who checked everything twice to make sure everything was perfect.

At the one-week mark Ghost and Keegan decided to move into the same room to make sure you have a space for yourself as you settled down. The move sparked from just the simple question "Where is our omega going to stay until she's warmed up to us?" To say it had the alphas taking multiple steps back was an understatement. Another thing that was brought up (By Ghost mind you) was what were you going to use should you decide to make a nest.

It may have not been something the Alphas were well versed in, but they at least made an effort. Cue the three alphas going out and buying almost two whole carts full of nesting material, plus the whole material selection boot camp.

"What about this one? It's big and it's super soft!" ~ König

"No no, She needs something that won't stick to her if she uses this for her heats. What about that silk sheet kinda stuff?" ~ Keegan

"Why not just get her some fucking blankets and pillows, This nesting shit can't be that complicated" ~ Ghost

It was definitely quite the scene watching these big alphas carry multiple bags worth of nesting material due to them being unsure what to get.

Once everything was settled, the day when they finally got to meet you arrived. The checking-in process was seamless, soon leading to the alphas being led to a smaller room waiting for the actual introduction. From what the receptionist had told them the Omegas family still needed to finalize paperwork, It had been the longest wait any of the alphas had ever done. But when the door finally opened to reveal the betas and you, time seemed to stand still.

They collectively decided they would die for you if it made you happy.

~~~~~

It had been a few hours since König had left your room. Call him paranoid, but no noise was coming from the door. Worried about you, he walked back to your door before knocking.

"(Y/N)? Is everything okay?" Hearing no response, he slowly opened the door and was greeted by a dimly lit room. And there on the bed, you laid completely still on the massive bed, sound asleep.

Once you walked in through that door, all his fears and worries seemed to implode and no longer existed. You were more than everything he could have dreamed of; how you weren't already paired was beyond him. You entangled him. Everything about you was beautiful, from your hair and eyes to your body. It wasn't until he had heard his name from downstairs that he was brought out of his trance.

He was casting you one last glance, taking in your sleeping form before turning to leave. König told himself he would make this work. Because now that he had you, He wasn't ever going to let you go.

Tag List: @silentmel, @thisperspective, @thebestgirlever2, @ghostalina, @pascallllllll1, @jujitsuito2069, @hypernovaxx, @frazie99, @v1naco, @littlezarp, @thatoneautor0123, @credince--writes, @4ndjelij4, @alonelyteenagebroncinbuck, @alonelyteenagebroncinbuck, @random0lover, @wintersnnowie, @operatorinvestigatesco, @marytvirgin, @nightriver99, @l-lend, @kelpiesummer, @quietlyignoringyou

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headspace-hotel · 1 year

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a friend of mine said that the environment would be better if everyone lived in cities and basically left the rest of the natural world alone... i felt like there was something wrong with that argument but i really dont know enough about it to have a real point against it. i might be biased though cause i love being around nature and want to be able to live rural without killing the environment? idk im just wondering if she's right and how to live in a way that isnt negatively impacting the world

love your blog btw, it's been the thing that's helped me understand ecology for once

the idea that humans Are Bad for the ecosystem—not that particular activities or practices have particular negative effects, that just humans existing harms the environment—is in fact the worst idea ever

I mean, first of all, where does your friend think food comes from?

"Food" is one of the problems. It's one of a lot of problems. Some other problems include "all other natural resources besides food" and "human rights."

It's not just your friend, this kind of thing has been suggested in varying ways by self identified "leftists" a bunch of times, and I genuinely hope they're mostly random laypeople who can't really be expected to know more than they can learn from being terminally addicted to Twitter, because otherwise I will call them "dumber than a sack of hammers" in those exact words.

No offense to your friend. Your friend is a laypeople. And sadly, non-experts end up with ass-backwards ideas about how conserving the environment works, because of all this commonplace nonsense about humans being a cancer upon the planet. I'm not angry about those people, just sad.

But my serious answer is—The world's most intact and best managed ecosystems are found on land owned and managed by Indigenous people, who do what with the land?

LIVE ON IT.

And these groups of people learned to manage and care for the land how?

BY LIVING ON IT.

Conventional (white, Western) intuition holds that human management of an ecosystem should reduce biodiversity, but what science shows—I mean what study and observation and data and more study and more observation and more data shows—is that indigenous land management practices can do better than Nature can on her own.

I mean, for one thing, if you don't live in a place, you don't observe it every day. You don't see how the ecosystem and its inhabitants change over time. You can't learn about it, and therefore you don't know about it.

Disconnection from nature is ignorance about nature and ultimately apathy towards nature, and that's the worst and most disrespectful thing we can do.

And like I hope it's clear that even in the imaginary scenario where everyone lives in a city, even if this was possible (it's not), the city dwellers who are separate from nature are living a silly little lie. You're part of the ecosystem. Don't like it? Go become a rock in space.

The electrical signals moving through your brain right now are rays of sunlight that were soaked up by a plant that grew in dirt. Do you know fruit? Do you enjoy fruit? I enjoy fruit, I'm drinking a smoothie right now! That fruit y'all love so much was pollinated by a bug.

A bug did that for you! Because you're family! Because you're part of this world, because you belong to this intricate and ancient community of living things that need each other, that were shaped by evolution to need each other, and nature cannot abandon you.

But more on the cynical side of things, even if you don't know where the hell a berry grows or how, someone has to grow and harvest and ship that berry to you, someone who has to live somewhere, and you should care who is doing it and how they're being treated and paid, and ultimately you should want for them the same things you want for you.

Urban life is just rural life with extra steps my friend.

Like, @ all the "put everybody in cities" crowd, what is the plan here? Fancy ass indoor aquaponics systems notwithstanding, we're not technologically at a point where we can just, like, build giant multi-story factory buildings where we grow food under special lamps, and even being at that point wouldn't make it a good idea. With all the hype about solar power, you'd think people would look at plants (have been using solar power just fine for like a billion years) and think, "Neat how those things can just make food when you stick 'em in the sunshine."

I'm sorry, I'm never going to be psyched about technological innovations that are like "We took a plant and put it inside."

There is so much I could say here. The brainrot in the wake of "cottagecore" discourse where a bunch of well meaning white people got convinced that farming was racist. The idea that rural people are somehow more complicit in colonialism than urban people, and that rural land is, I don't know, landier than urban land, and the correct and moral thing to do if you live on stolen land is to....what? Live on land that has a protective layer of concrete in between it and your racist feet?

Land ownership is a whole fucked up beast, but you're not cultivating a non-exploitative relationship with land by living in a city. There's just extra steps in between you and the land.

"Homesteading" as seen on cottagecore boards on Pinterest has a lot of white supremacist wet dream mixed in, but listen: It is not only okay, but GOOD, to want to live in close relationship with the land, with the food you eat, with the trees and plants that fill your lungs when you inhale. It's IMPORTANT. It's VITAL.

What has to change is that this relationship can't be based on ownership and dominance. Ecosystem is community and that ain't it.

My ancestors were colonizers, the land I live on right now was violently stolen, the ecosystem that once was very carefully managed so that it flourished with life was ravaged, and I don't even know the names of most of the life-forms that ought to be here. What now?

You belong to the ecosystem that takes care of you. You can't wash your hands of this and run away.

I feel like I'm getting off topic, but it's very much on topic actually. What I hope for the future is that we would stop entertaining the silly little lies that imagine we can just...opt out of participation in something that is underneath our every footstep and in our every breath. It would make us feel pure, but it wouldn't be real.

I do think that forcing people off the land that is their home is bad, in general. I don't think those people have to be indigenous for this to be bad—and successfully claiming otherwise is a bit of conundrum, since as far as I know, the political and social phenomenon of indigenous identity has a lot to do with the being forced off your land thing.

Obviously people like me don't have the same deeply central cultural relationship to the land, but the "we should all just go live in cities and leave nature to itself" proposal implies that such relationships are unnecessary or even bad.

I've said this before but I find it weird when environmentalists accommodate indigenous ways of life in their visions of the ideal future as like...a special exception granted because it's like, the nice thing to do for a historically marginalized and violently oppressed group. Not because there is value or merit in those ways of life. Like "Oh I guess indigenous people should be allowed to hunt because it's part of their culture" ????? And it's part of their culture because...why?

Maybe because it's a sustainable way of doing things and has been for millennia???

Like don't listen to me, look at the research, indigenous folks participating in ecosystems and managing them worldwide know what they're doing and the rest of the world should be looking to them as examples. Key word here is participating, because you can't competently manage an ecosystem with your head all the way up your ass with the idea that you're somehow not part of it.

Humans aren't a cancer upon the planet. It's capitalism and colonialism. It's the practice of seeing the world as a disposable resource to be exploited.

Humans lived in the place I called home for 15,000 years. Within the past 200 years, almost every forest was razed to the ground, and almost every large animal extirpated or damn near to it.

"Humans" did that! These humans are so terrible!

But I have to remember.

There are descriptions of this place from before that, and they describe a lush, teeming heaven-like paradise that the adjectives provided by English trembled to capture, so perfect and bountiful that the observers assumed this land was never tainted by Adam's sin.

Humans did that, too.

#ecology

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grievedeeply · 1 year

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Omg yes I will gladly request something for Banda he is so underrated 😭. Can I request general dating headcanons for Banda? Can it be fluffy there isn’t enough fluff of this man! Feel free to add in a couple stuff I hope you have a good day or night!<3

im gonna be honest. i dont care if this is ooc this man is so babygirl. those shoulders.... those hips.... that face. damn put me in the ground already 😭😭 also, you might know me from an old writing blog.. @/saebyeoked. i moved over here awhile ago, so i figured i'd write for aib here instead :)

gn!reader | tws: banda is a murderer... that's really it. overall pretty fluffy !! season 2 spoilers, and probably ooc banda | join my taglist !!

dating banda sunato headcanons

you met in the solitary confinement game. he immediately caught your eye. you weren't too sure on what it was, but there was something about him that had you captivated from the beginning

you, banda and matsushita form a trio, telling each other what your symbols are. your relationship with both of them is pretty simple, and you don't get closer to banda up until the game is over

chishiya had asked you to tell him his symbol, as his partner died in the previous round. he had told you that banda was a murderer, and you shouldn't put too much trust in him. he had yet to lie to you.. so you brushed his comments aside

so what if he was a murderer? wasn't everyone, at least in this world?

though, you would be lying if you said the information didn't put a pit in your stomach— one that was growing with each passing day in the borderlands anyway

you caught his eye back in the jack of hearts game, too. mostly keeping to yourself, he could tell you were scared of dying. he wasn't, but it didn't mean he wanted to by any means

you, chishiya, yaba and banda end up living through the game— and you feel something pulling you to banda. for some reason, you decide to go with him instead of chishiya

your relationship begins to progress after it's just the two of you alone. you become friends surprisingly quickly, for a man who was a murderer in the real world.. he isn't the worst company

he's intelligent, quick on his feet and able to read situations really easily. it's nice to have him around for those reasons, if nothing else

banda has a very hard time expressing his emotions. he isn't big on friends, so it takes awhile for you to get close enough to him for him to think of you romantically

he knows what that feeling in his heart is, and he pushes it away until he can't ignore it anymore

neither of you really.. confess. you two just flirt— a lot. you insist to yourself that it means nothing, and flirting is just a fun way to pass the time or something. but it does become something more

you realize you like him romantically when he saves you in a game. it's nothing big, not in his eyes, anyway. he pulls you out of the way of an object that otherwise would've crushed you, and he acts like it was nothing

neither of you ever say you like each other romantically. it just.. happens

you're initiating the first kiss, obviously. he acts so cocky in every situation and he tries to hide the fact that he has no idea what to do from you

over the time you spent together, you're able to read each other really well. it's a major benefit in your relationship, as you both know whenever the other is feeling upset or angry about something

as a boyfriend... i will say he has experience. he knows what to do to get you flustered and hiding your face in your hands, and that's at the very bottom of the list of things he does

he tries not to be cheesy. but he will set up makeshift dates while the two of you are out scavenging. he never plans them beforehand, but you don't care. he doesn't even have to do it in the first place— as long as you get to spend time with him that's enough

he isn't big on pda. there's no one around in your world, but it's a general thing for him. it makes him feel really exposed.. and it bothers him

though, if it's something you enjoy he'll hold your hand occasionally. that's really all he'll do, but it's more than you ask for

he doesn't mind physical touch in the moments where it feels right. if you're having trouble falling asleep, he'll pull you into his chest and just.. talk to you to help you relax

his voice is the most relaxing thing in the world in your mind. he could be reading out the dictionary to you and it would help you in some way

banda's VERY protective. he knows you're more than capable, but he does want to keep you safe

as much as he tries to act tough, he has a soft spot for you and your safety is a priority to him. he'll go out of his way to make sure you're okay, even if he's injured

he's a surprisingly sweet boyfriend. despite his.. history...

taking everything he sees that he thinks you'd like or reminds him of you to give to you at some point, picking out your favorite food at a store if he sees it laying around.. all simple, yet noticeable things to show he cares

most of the time, you'll be the one initiating physical affection with him. he has other ways of expressing his feelings for you, but if it's a love language of yours he learns to not mind it too much when it's appropriate

boundaries! super important in any relationship, and he sets them up with you really quickly. always respectful of you, and will back off if you tell him you're not feeling something

as strange as it feels to admit it, he feels himself warming up. becoming a better person. that doesn't mean he changes his attitude, though

it just means that.. he is more willing to help people struggling, even if you aren't around. if he walks away, he'll picture your smiling face in his mind and turn around

he has a guilty conscience okay

teases you whenever he sees an opportunity to. if you're staring at him? he's teasing you. it happens more frequently than you'd probably like to admit but you looove how he sounds whenever he teases you

his voice is just... so soothing. even when he's using it to embarrass you somehow

teaming up in games because you're the only person he trusts with his entire being

if you ever say you love him.... he's lucky he can hide his emotions on his face because WOO he's a bit flustered

he doesn't say it back right away, but it doesn't mean he doesn't feel the same way. when he does say it, it's a very special moment, probably after a game where you both almost died

he expresses his love in other ways, mostly. quality time is his biggest love language. it's easy, and meaningful at the same time :")

reading books in silence <3

overall, he's a good boyfriend. he knows what you need when you need it and he's willing to learn from you, which is more than what some people are okay with

he admits when he's wrong. he's okay with making mistakes, and you never judge him for it

he's different. but you like it. and you like him, obviously

he lucky. he knows that, and he repeats it to himself over and over in his mind sometimes just to ground himself

he wakes up in the morning and has you? someone as kind as you? loving him? it baffles him, but he doesn't complain

he really does love you. he has trouble saying the words, but he will say it verbally when he feels the need to

he's nice to only you, normally

you make him feel good. he won't ever throw it away, and he makes that promise to himself

if he ever looses you, he's really messed up. you're so GOOD and he can't ever let you slip through his fingers

#alice in borderland x reader #aib x reader #aib x you #banda sunato #banda sunato x reader #sunato banda x reader #sunato banda #alice in borderland x reader headcanons #banda x reader

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devourable · 8 months

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hello! i'm new to your blog, and im honestly in love w/ all your yanderes, especially mykolas :)

if its okay with you, could i request some headcannons of how mykolas acts and looks, like what kind of traits he has?

💕💕

im so sorry this took for fucking ever for me to get to nonnie 😫 ik youre not new to my blog anymore but welcome!!! here's some hcs on the forest puppy for you

🌲 the beast • mykolas

· mykolas isn't any specific creature. he's kind of just his own thing with no real origin. he’s incredibly tall (over 8 feet with the antlers), bipedal digitigrade, glowing white eyes and a skull-like face, he definitely doesn't look like anything naturally occuring in nature either. some believe he's the offspring of a devil worshipper who was abandoned in the woods, others think he's some sort of werebeast who can't transform back into a human. mykolas himself has no clue either, and mostly responds with non-answers if you ask him about it.

· behavior wise? he honestly acts like a mix of domestic animals. he purrs like a cat, whines like a dog, throws little stompy tantrums like a bunny, all while being built like a tank lmfao. additionally, he’s VERY territorial after meeting you and will pick a fight with anything and anyone that invades the space he deems your home.

· before you, he wasn't really.. living. he just kind of existed, moving through each day without a sense of purpose. your existence grounds him and makes him feel alive, and that's why hes so obsessed with being by your side. he loves nothing more than cuddling you for hours on end, and being away from you gives him anxiety

· he DOES speak, but his english is pretty busted and his voice is rough from hardly being used. pronouns, adverbs, and adjectives are rare to hear from him and his grasp on grammar isn't the best. he doesn't mind if you teach him but he does get self conscious about it if you bring it up to him.

· he’s carnivorous, but he mostly eats fish because he doesn’t like the mess that hunting makes. trespassers are an exception to this.

· outside of the above, none of the tales that the people he lives near spun about him are true. he’s not a bloodthirsty beast, nor is he evil. he’s just lonely, and he’s not capable of fixing that on his own

#inbox | anons #🌲 mykolas #dating him is honestly kinda like dating a big pet with crazy separation anxiety #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere x oc #yandere headcanons #yandere oc #yandere terato #yandere teratophilia

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crookedkryptonitebeliever · 1 year

Text

yandere best friend pt3

tw; infantalization, yelling, violence, self harm, feels bad because comparison is the thief of joy, life being unfair

ageless blogs n minors DNI blease tq <3

yea im on a roll haha i just finished part 2 and now i moved onto part 3, as u can see i was projecting here with the leg situation

anyways its pretty short and as usual, no proofreading

enjoay

You don't know how he's doing right now. Time passes so fast that its been four years since that haunting call from your friend. You finished your masters degree and now you're deeper in debt than ever. You're taking on three jobs unrelated to your qualifications and running on no sleep, just like how your friend did when he was working towards his biggest goal.

Well, maybe you lied. You knew how he's doing, because his stupid restaurant name is ubiquitous.

It's strange, unfair and confusing how he managed to turn his restaurant into a multimillion corporation this fast. It's now a famous brand with multiple branches across the globe, it has expanded into selling frozen products in supermarkets everywhere. It's still growing too, more and more people are investing in his empire, making him richer and richer and making you green with fucking envy.

People who invest in stocks bring up his brand pretty often, saying that it's worth to invest a couple thousand dollars in it because its in some sort of top 500 index. You weren't really interested in that because you don't even have a couple thousand dollars to spare in the first place.

Your friend seem to mostly stay out of the limelight, making him more of a faceless founder. It's rare to find interviews with him, even if you did, he would always give vague, generic answers to the questions. He would focus more on promoting his products than anything else, he's neither humble or arrogant... but he's just like a robot made only to advertise whatever it's selling and make as much sales as it can.

The masses would very much prefer to pay attention to the celebrity ambassadors the marketing department hired.

Personal information about your friend was scarce, so far you knew that he went ahead and got himself a diploma in culinary arts and another diploma in Food Science and Technology in the last four years. No doubt, to improve the credibility of his company and in hopes of having more customers flock in.

You felt... bad. Took the conventional, the more socially accepted route of studying to one of the highest degrees, but your friend who started off with only a high school diploma and an iron will was so much more successful than you in life.

Perhaps it's simply the human condition to compare ourselves to wildly different lives. Every time you check the news about your friend, it's always something about his company achieving another award for delicious tasting food, well known events involving major public figures or the highly anticipated release of a new product.

You don't come across pictures with your friend in it, but when you do, it's always a picture of him talking to an important figure in a lavish setting, or having the fanciest dinner you have ever seen with people in formal clothes. He looked amazing in every one of it, he was so put together that it looks unreal. Well, seeing that he can afford the best treatments the world has to offer, it doesn't come off as a huge surprise.

And that is soul crushing, you wish to be him. And you forgot the hardships he went through. And you became bitter. And resentful of him. And resentful towards yourself. And-

Oh, your break is up. Time to continue your self loathing inner monologue while dealing with snooty customers. All the while, forgetting that your friend also has to deal with mood and energy vampires everyday.

As if things couldn't get anymore worse, you fucked up your legs. Well, not you. But some spoiled brat with a speedy sports car slammed onto you while you were lawfully using the zebra crossing. Their daddy was loaded and had the right connections, so the person who took your legs out walked away scot-free. You were left to clean up the mess yourself.

Luckily, it's not the worst thing your legs can take. You'll still be able to walk, but it will take ages to heal and might as well amputate them to pay for the damn bill. Throw in a kidney or two and you might just pay half of it off. So, you'll be wheelchair ridden until further notice.

You moved back into your parents' home, the same country where you and your friend first met. As much as you hate depending on others, you need your parents help. You are financially ruined and you can't exactly find a job that's kind to people with your disability. Or to people with any disability, in fact.

Word spreads so fucking fast. Your friend made a beeline to your parents house as soon as one of his private eyes reported that you're back home.

He was in a meeting with the board of directors managing one of his numerous subsidiary companies. It baffled everyone in the room when your friend showed interest in something other than profits and company growth. It was thought that he has no soul, no loved ones and no sentience. He was just a massive piece of code programmed to make as much money as possible at all cost.

Seeing that he experienced such a strong emotion upon hearing your arrival, that he had to adjourn a meeting, was so jarring.

It made him seem... human.

You were fast asleep. Exhausted from what the world has pelted at you and weak from all the pain. Your parents invited your friend in as he was extremely excited and happy that you're back, oblivious to the fact that you're in this state. He didn't bother listening to the full report his private eye was about to give him.

As soon as he entered your room, his smile fell upon seeing your crippled state. You were unconscious, if you weren't, you would probably die from mortification... your successful childhood best friend, seeing very unsuccessful you. An old laptop sits uncomfortably on your belly, yet another job rejection letter was shown on the screen.

Your friend was speechless. He could already hear the growing storm of regret, self hatred, anguish, anger, sadness brewing inside him, it was muffled, but its getting increasingly clearer and louder.

His trembling hands gently stroked your casts as tears threaten to fall from his eyes.

What happened? He whispered, it was loud enough for your parents to hear. Hence, they began explaining.

The name of the person who hit you with their car was all he needed to know. He is going to take care of it. Everything else bounced off his head as his eyes slowly travelled to your hands, he took one of them into his larger ones. He massaged them with utmost love and longing.

It's rough. It's calloused. It's scarred. It's everything that he never ever want your hands to be.

You groggily woke up, using your free hand to rub your eyes. You paused when you saw your friend by your bedside, silently staring at your hand in his. Tears rolling down his cheek and dripping onto the collar of his very expensive jacket.

He failed. He may have tried his best to stop it from happening, but he ultimately failed. You went through more or less, what he went through.

He shouldn't have left you alone, he shouldn't have trusted that you won't suffer like he did. He should have intervened, he should have bought that plane ticket instead, He shouldn't have respected your boundaries that day, he should have come to you regardless.

You have proven that you are incapable to take care of yourself. No more mistakes, no more neglect, you need him now more than ever. He is going to make things right and you will have no say in anything anymore. You will depend on him and he will make sure of it.

As soon as his eyes met yours, he lost it. He broke down sobbing in his hands. The weight of his failure is crushing him to pieces, how could he be so fucking stupid? Obviously, you needed him despite receiving that scathing text message four years ago. You were so young, so naïve, so inexperienced and oblivious to the cruel, cruel world around you. Of course, you thought you would do okay. You haven't seen the world at its' worst like he did! He should have known better... and he knew better! He just...

He just wanted you to be happy. And, he thought you would be happier if he left you alone for a while. In the meantime, he would continue building that perfect life for you to come home to, filled with nothing but comfort and luxuries. But look at you now, you were robbed of your innocence, and, your friend blamed himself for it.

You're suffering and he was the cause of it. only if he didn't neglect you in the first place...

No...

Only if you didn't fucking reject him over and over again. Things would have turned out differently. You also had a part in this!

You covered your face out of embarrassment, you did not want him to see you at this stage of life. You didn't want anyone seeing you like this.

Please leave me alone. You said.

You always knew your friend to be the softest, sweetest person around you. He never got physically violent to anyone (at least, to your knowledge).

Imagine the shock when he yanked your hand away from your face and delivered a devastating slap to your face. You were stunned as the ringing of your ears and the pain of the blow overwhelm your senses. Within moments, a red print was formed on your cheek.

Your parents rushed in to put a barrier between you and him, but he ignored them and began yelling and pointing at you hysterically.

I trusted you! I trusted you! How dare you do this to yourself!? I worked so fucking hard-- I sacrificed everything for you, and you can't even keep yourself healthy! Oh, he was angry. He was shouting and screaming, most of the time it just made you scared and confused. You can't understand what he was getting at because he was jumbling over his words.

Your hands, they aren't supposed to look like mine and look what you have done to them! His voice went hoarse from all the exertion.

You weren't supposed to work for anything in life, I was supposed to provide for you! Why can't you just fucking depend on me!? Why can't you just accept me!?

You can only watch on as he threw a massive tantrum, your father tried his best to pull him away from the room, but to no avail.

You are going to depend on me, I am going to provide for you and that's final! I don't care what you think, you can't be trusted to do anything alone! With that final piece, he wrenched himself off your father's grip and stormed out of your childhood bedroom, slamming the door behind him so hard, that some wall décor fell to the ground with a loud crash.

He is going to replace them later. Now, he needs to make a few phone calls.

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coveredinredpaint · 6 months

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Im an aspiring punk here ive wanting to start making my own stuff maby start a batle jacket or patch pants or somthing but those projects sound a bit intimidating. Do you have any recmondations on a good place to start?

hey ey!

to begin sorry for the late reply, i got a lot going on currently

to begin id advise collecting inspo for what kinda jackets/pants you want first. i use pinterest, tumblr and etsy to find inspo for my diy stuff. i like to sketch out different designs for my projects before making them, so i can try out what fits and what doesnt.

to practice id say starting by making patches and sewing them (use dental floss, its cheap and incredibly strong and durable) on for example a bag is the simplest way to introduce urself to patchmaking and sewing. i advise using the whip stitch to sew them on. when youre a bit more confident in ur skill level one of the easiest projects to start is a battlevest, since its mostly flat and straight fabric its easy to sew on and modify. most people find denim more difficult to sew on cause of its sturdiness but i prefer it for exactly that quality, it prevents the fabric from moving/stretching too much

you dont need expensive supplies, even stuff that might be seen as trash is very useful for punk diys, some old cloths and acrylic/fabric paint will already be enough for patches. i got a tutorial on my blog for stenciling them (let me know if you want me to link it). soda tabs can be used to make buttons/pins, chainmail, chains, and so much more. bottlecaps can also be made into different types of buttons/pins and chains (and more stuff i cant think of rn). you can get chains for cheap from hardware stores, id also keep an eye out for those chain dog collars in yardsales and such, theyre often very good quality (i got 3 all secondhand).

on that note, where can you find ur stuff for projects?? i get almost all my stuff secondhand. ive got at least 4 thriftstores nearby, and there are often fleamarkets around my area, which i always try to go to when i have the chance. fleamarkets are often announced in local newspapers or on posters around town. you might also find em by googling ur towns name and then "fleamarket" or "yardsale". if you live in a remote area where these things just dont exist i advise asking family/friends if they got old stuff they wanna get rid off. or to use online secondhand stores like vinted or depop (altho depop sellers often overprice, keep an eye out for cheap deals) for stuff you really cant get secondhand like spikes etc. i advise etsy. also if youre US based studsandspikes.com has tons of different spikes for cheap.

an important thing to remember is that your stuff wont and doesnt have to look perfect. your stuff will be messy and sometimes a project totally doesnt end up how you want and thats okay. fuck around and find out!

#my stuff #punk diy #diy fashion #diy punk #punk clothes #punk style #punk patches

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lewisyellowhelmet · 9 months

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hello all!!

i have felt so desperately guilty recently for not being here. it is a familiar story i’m sure where life just got very busy and fun and i am happy to be living in the present and not need to hide in my laptop anymore. that’s not to say i don’t miss it, and i miss u all horribly.

just that i was a bit unhappy last year and this blog was such a welcome escape and so helpful to the process of moving through grief and early twenties and the transition from girlhood to womanhood so a big THANK YOU from me from the bottom of my heart !!

i’m still here!! lurking !! reading other peoples writing about my minor hyperfixation of the month !!

in terms of me; i am deliciously in love with someone who loves me back just as much and i am so happy and nourished and delighted to be his partner and him mine. im working a rewarding job that i can level up in if i choose to !! i will finish my degree at the end of the year!! everything is good and peaceful and whatever happens i will be okay !!

this expereince i had online with you was so special and warm and beautiful and im so glad i got to do it. this isn’t to say its finished forever, just that i don’t think about f1 very much in my life at the moment, and while i am writing a little it is mostly journalling and about other hyperfixations sometimes.

basically, i love u, i miss u. im here. im growing and learning and enjoying my life outside of tumblr space atm xx

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camojacketfag · 6 months

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when do you stop feeling like you're waiting for your life to start? im 22 and ive accomplished nothing, it feels like im at a standstill.

Well, for starters, I had a breakdown in a meijer parking lot at 8:15pm yesterday, sobbing to boygenius as I was telling myself that I’ve paused my life for the past four years to try and heal from crippling childhood trauma and therefore I haven’t really had the chance to truly have fucking fun and live life man.

My 20s have been a lot of healing and slowing down as life continues to move past me so fucking quickly. I told myself I was gonna have fun this year and instead I got my heart broken, I relapsed in my OCD, I cut ties with a shit therapist who invalidated me time and time again and I played far too many video games. Through out it all I also lost so many friendships who don’t fully understand how debilitating OCD truly is and my current social life consists mostly of imaginary conversations I have inside my head. But hey, we’re still fucking kicking! What really defines an accomplishment man? Whose timeline are you comparing yourself too? Most of the lives constantly being lived so publicly are led by neurotypical people with such big opportunities very different from lives like ours man. Therefore you’re doing yourself a disservice to try and compare your life to theirs. Acceptance is the hardest pill to swallow. I truly despise patience. Yet I also have to come to terms with the fact that I move at a much slower and methodical pace than everyone else around me. I know in the long run I’ll be grateful I decided to heal now as opposed to later but I still feel so fucking robbed man. Of time. And opportunities. And life. Time that I may never get back. Time in which others my age spent developing their careers or social relationships, I was stuck in my little room listening to sad lesbian music and having no one around but my dog and the obsessive thoughts that felt intensely unavoidable. I’d say life, or at least the life you’re talking about, will never truly start man. That life is just a piece of fiction. I guess what I’m trying to say is that life has already started, it’s just waiting for you to notice. Your perception is just warped, much like mine, but I know that although I can list all of these awful things that have happened over these past four years, I know that nudged somewhere in between it all, I’ve still lived. I saw some sick ass concerts, I gave myself my first stick and poke, I got drunk and shared to much, I allowed myself to question love and it’s mechanisms and meaning, I started a photo blog and have steadily worked towards creating what I see everyday in to something others can relate or come back to, I got punched in the face, I busted my lip trying to open a bottle of vodka, I drank to much caffeine and felt like I’d ascended to a higher state of consciousness. After I relapsed, I felt broken man. So much new trauma I’d have to go back to and stitch up all caused by trusting a professional who only made me believe that my own personal experience of the things I’d gone through was actually wrong. Yet somehow, it ended with me finally believing myself once more. And vowing to never let anyone make me feel like she did ever again. 11 years of trauma and hard work doesn’t deserve to be so easily destroyed just because you have a degree and I don’t. Still, I believed myself again. I believe myself now. And I know going forward that if we continuously compare ourselves to lives being lived that will never cross paths with ours then all we’re gonna do is spend eternity wondering when it will ever finally fucking begin. I promise you, it already has, and although I don’t know you, and you might believe that it’s been more bad than good, or that it’s not as valuable when compared to others achievements at your age, it’s still yours, and there’s still time, and it’s always been there, it’s just waiting for you to notice.

#one of these days I’m gonna just reply lol I don’t know to everyone’s asks lol #just kidding #if I have something to say you better believe im gonna say it #anyhow #asks #revelations

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librarycards · 8 months

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*might be sending this to a bunch of people with great blogs who I really like and appreciate

saw a claim made that ocd "can never be cured, like thatevery person who has ocd will always deal with it, "have it" and that's because ocd is caused by a "chemical imbalance in the brain" and that it's been "proven by research". so they say you can't deal with ocd for only a few months or years, if you say you have than it wasn't actually ocd you're lying or exaggerating. which I find ridiculous and insulting, but than they say something worse "research has proven it's chemicals in the brain" which sounds even more ridiculou (im anti-psychiatry all the way. but what can I say to that?! any thoughts?? is this person referencing any real research? or just made up pro psychiatry nonsense??

I'm afraid I might not have a satisfying answer to this ask, mostly because I'm 1) agnostic (at my most generous) to the "chemical imbalance theory" of "mental illness" (as it were). there is nuance to this: i don't think that we are somehow entirely unaffected by our brains, in terms of structure and contents etc. Rather, I think that the construction of "mental disability" is relatedly only tangentially to what our brains actually "do." That is, the construction of mental disability preceded and continues to exceed what is capable of being known about the brain "itself," because mental disability is first and foremost a social, medical, legal, linguistic construction. Little more evidence of this is needed than the fact that I have never had my brain scanned, yet have been diagnosed with myriad mental disabilities and institutionalized against my will. The brain is to mental disability what "sex" is to gender –– a mythology of concreteness designed to (unsteadily) bolster the flimsiness of the diagnosis, the assignment.

While I am also uninterested in recovery as a paradigm, and in theorizing what it might look like to be "free" of a certain part of the way i move through the world (ocd included), I am interested in collective healing with and through self-determination and free association. What I know for sure, despite the murkiness of everything else, is that it is possible to substantially improve your quality of life in a wide variety of ways: some people find medications that help, some counselling (whether professional or informal). Others choose spirituality and meditation. Others self-direct using freely available therapeutic resources. Still more enlist the help of their friends and loved ones to keep track of types of behavior they'd like to avoid. And, of course, some don't do any of that, and it is their right to do so, so long as they are not endangering others, regardless of how shitty it feels (both for them and the people who care about them).

so: I'm giving you a non-answer. I don't believe in cure because I don't believe in disability-as-disease. I think people who are obsessed (haha) with figuring out the etiology of different diagnoses are at best naïve and at worst eugenicist. (Note: i am not upset with you, nor do I think you're a eugenicist or any other genre of bad person! Thinking about these things does not make you bad. Asking these questions in good faith does not make you bad, either.) I think that we will be much better positioned to talk about living and improving together when we forget chemical imbalances or medical decrees of terminality or unrecoverability or treatment resistance, and start thinking about things we can do in our lives now that help us create better futures.

#antipsychiatry #ask #anonymous #if you think that my reasurance is excessive #please remember that i am assuming anon has some ocd-labelled shit going on (as do i) and responding with that in mind

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yookikiku · 1 year

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2023 happy new years greeting and updates on life!

hey guys! it’s me YOOKI!! (tumblr blog winter-cakes before)

i know it’s been a long time since i’ve been active on this site! (i mostly just upload art and run away now daofihdo)

thank you so so much to everyone who has continued following this blog despite my inactiveness…! so i thought you all deserve an update

first of all...

i read every one of your comments and love every heartful ask i get, so thank you SO much for all the love and support!

things that have changed recently:

changed my blog name from “winter-cakes” → “yookikiku”

i’m more active on twitter and instagram now (links below so feel free to follow!)

Twitter instagram

moved from malaysia → japan (has been here for 8 years)

↑ reason why i haven’t been joining comic fiesta, and instead actively joining Comic Market

still making merch and art books! My stuff are available internationally via Melonbooks (though they’re all in japanese)

started working as an illustrator at an advertisement company full time (one of the reasons for being busy)

getting married soon (WOW)

this update is super wild to me because i started this blog when i was 13? so almost all of my art progress happened right here in this blog so i’m super grateful to everyone who watched me grow through the years! i’ll probably keep drawing forever so please expect more from me!

not an update but...

small blabble on how life has been in japan

since i’ve been living here in japan for 8 years, i mostly dont use english and chinese anymore so my english is like “dies”

and i feel like the slangs im using are starting to get older and older adoifhado

life has been good to me though

goals this year

my life goal is to become a freelance illustrator and earn enough money to support my new lifestyle

so this year I’m going to try snag myself illustration work! also i’m thinking of fixing my blog tags and renewing this blog!

in other words, i’m going to aim to become a more professional artist this year!

so i would appreciate all the support i can get!

that is all!

this became a long post but thank you to everyone who read through

i hope everyone here has a great 2023!

今年もよろしくお願いします！！

#post

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simpliao · 2 years

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plz im so excited i found your blog!! if you feel like it, could you write something about him and the reader getting into a fight and the reader tries to storm out but he won't let them bc (not to be parasocial) he seems like the type to have a "never go to sleep angry" mentality and im a sucker for hurt/comfort :(((( thank you in advance, and if you dont get to it thank you anyways for the writing you've already done!!

growing pains ; (irl) schlatt x reader

summary : although schlatt is comically angry for entertaining purposes online, it doesn't mean his anger doesn't seep into his real life too. moving in is stressful, he does it enough to know. although when it's someone else moving into his space, the stress of the change puts a strain on the both of them.

info : swearing, angst turned fluff, she/her, afab reader.

a/n : happy to hear it, anon ! it's such a blessing to have you here, again, thanks for the support ! ♡ I'm not a hundred percent confident in this one shot, but hopefully you enjoy ! thank you so much for requesting !

Budding romance was meant to be idyllic and sweet, right? Being with a newly found lover was supposed to be peaches and roses, the kind of happily ever after feeling foretold in every folk tale out there. That's what would have been figured by Schlatt, having a harboured love of sappy sweet love songs, being new to this kind of thing made actually being in a relationship throw him for a loop. Sure he's had his fair share of one night stands and school crushes, but it never extended to the level of which he's shared with Y/n.

She was this kind of ethereal perfection in his eyes, adoring her as if the woman hung the very stars and moon themselves. After a handful of months, of course he thought it would be logical to ask her to move in. She slept over at his place quite a number of times, she always seemed to at home anyways, what would be the difference of actually having her all the time?

A lot, actually. It started good, moving her in was actually fun. The pair seeing who could manage to carry the heaviest box up to his place, racing to see who could make it back down the building first, and of course hearing her little stories about every item she owned. Finding a place for everything took some creativity, but worked out in the end.

The first night also went swimmingly, having his woman all to himself was a nice change. That was until that following morning he awoke to his bathroom occupied and showing no signs of ever opening up. Just fifteen more minutes! Or so she said, it was never just fifteen minutes. He adored hearing her laugh, but not so much when he was demanding for her to open up so he could shit. It was easy in time to get fed up with the friends she'd bring home, having their little get together's while he was banished to the bedroom to sulk. Not even beginning to mention that one 'guy friend' he just wants to strangle.

Her nagging as he so lovingly referred to it to his friends, was also not appreciated. It's as since she moved in all he heard was complaints directed towards him, you're too loud, you never hang out with me anymore, could you put that in the sink? It was like living with his own mother and slowly he grew to loathe her presence.

It wasn't exactly the easiest for her either.

Being that the New Yorker didn't enjoy having many people over, he never really had a reason to keep his place clean. She'd been over, and being that she never used to stay over longer than a night and morning, it was easy enough to ignore. When it was that she lived with cluttered counters and dirty dishes that sat way longer than they should, she ended up taking upon the role of housewife (or glorified maid).

The mostly convenient-oriented, and occasional forgetful male had bought machines to do basic care for Jambo; and yet at times forgot to empty or refill said machines. That feeling of taking on all the home responsibility was suffocating, and yet she only mentioned it briefly in passing considering that it was his place. She felt more like a guest than a member in what was supposed to be their home.

And the lack of sleep from his irregular sleep habits causing him to be practically yelling into late hours of the night didn't help a bit. Despite knowing she loved this gentle giant, for his hidden away kind nature and charming personality, she grew sick of it all.

Life continued on, and despite inconveniences, the two pretended everything was okay for a while. It worked for the most part, but bottling feelings only caused them to pressurize until the whole thing blows up in their faces. Today was supposed to be another one of those days, unremarkable and really just another Tuesday. However, what they say about the straw that broke the camel's back is soundly true.

From the afternoon onwards, the pair hadn't stopped going at it; both parties forgetting what exactly started this fight in the first place. This shouting match being the only relief they'd had to voice out their issues, by the time the sun had sunk beneath the horizon and a blanket of Prussian blue long having been spread across the city skies, it had gotten far too personal. It was like every word was meant to attack the other person, it was only a matter of time before words were exchanged that weren't meant to be said.

"Have you ever considered the fact that I don't actually want you here?" Schlatt had been seeing nothing but scolding red, speaking lies with such conviction for just a minute he believed it was true. And yet as the moment settled, and rather than yell back something else, the woman he knew he still adored gave a stare of a completely crushed spirit. Mouth hung agape, shock and hurt evident from her complete silence. He could see tears begin to well up, and that's when his expression fell. He stumbled on his following words, although her name could be made out as she dashed past him.

He hesitated going after her, she had just gone to the bedroom and he figured they needed some time to cool off before attempting to meld anything back together. It was only when he spotted her speeding out with a hastily packed suitcase that he bolted to apprehend her. "Y/n." "If that's how you really felt you should have just said so." He was quick to grab her wrists to prevent her from taking off, "there's a lot of things we both should have said." His accent being what it is, made his words sound unfairly harsh. "Schlatt, please, I get it. You don't want me here." "No! Listen, just..."

He could feel anger involuntarily rising from his chest. So knowing restraining her like this and ending up in another bout of hostile yelling, he made the decision he knew would at least calm him down enough to speak out what needed to be said. So tugging her closer, she practically fell into his arms. Although the first couple moments she tried to fight it again, uttering his name as a plea that made a diminuendo with every cry. All he did was stand there, chin resting upon the top of her head, his eyes closed and basking in the feeling of her held close, her overly scented shampoo filling his sinuses; a hit of dopamine rushing his brain. They stood like that for a while, the need for a timeout to the relentless fighting well needed. His thoughts cleared, for the first time today that was, and he began by squeezing her closer before letting much needed words escape him. "I'm sorry."

By this point, she had also given up trying to escape his embrace, blinking away tears as best as she could. "Listen to me, Y/n." He spoke in a tone she never expected to be so faint, delicate and airy as if should he speak above this hushed whisper the woman held in his arms would shatter. He took in a deep breath, buying time in an attempt to find a way to word this properly. "I'm just not used to this, used to us." Again, attempting to buy time to find a way to put his feelings into words, a hand slinked up to tangle his fingers into her hair. "But that doesn't mean I don't like us. It's..." He sucked in his lips, unsure of what to call it.

"Growing pains?" Her strained voice caught his ears, even if muffled against his shoulder. "Yeah, they're growing pains. And I'm not perfect... And no matter how in love I am with you, you're not perfect either. That's okay." Smaller arms slinked up his back, a small tug a weak return to the death grip he held her with. "I still love you too, Schlatt..." The way her face nuzzled into him made his heart melt and familiar butterflies fill his stomach, ones that had seemed to have gone missing for some time; and yet came back in full force. Dread at knowing of how poorly he spoke of her weighed in on him. "I'm willing to work on it if you are." He lessened his hold of her, pulling away to look down into her eyes.

Eyes that looked back up at him with the same kind of guilt he felt weighing his body down, those glass-like doe eyes tugging at strings of his heart he didn't even know he had. "I'm sorry too, I'm so sorry..." "Hey, we're both assholes, it's okay." The reassuring smile he flashed easing her own pressure, her own misconducts coming back to haunt her. Larger hands lovingly cupped her face as they had so many times before, wiping away those pesky tears for her. "I'm willing to go the distance with you." She assured, to answer his comment a short while earlier. The atmosphere of their home alleviated, and finally it felt breathable. "Let's unpack your suitcase then, and tomorrow morning we can talk more thoroughly about it." "Forget about the suitcase, we've been fighting all day. I just want to sleep."

With a grin that told her that everything would be okay, he slowly let his arms slide off her, one hand gently grabbing hold of hers in the lightest of holds. "Let's get some sleep then, sweetheart."

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