*sighs in post mildly broke containment again* there's nothing wrong with reading willow as a lesbian, this is a piece of fiction, and the post I made took on a jokey tone for a reason and is ultimately more about underlying bi-erasure on tv than anything else kaybye ✌

LOL @ the weirdo who reblogged you to jump on your post. Just shows they'll take any opp to attack people who don't agree with them. So assuming that it's not just because it's a lesbian ship (lol), what are your favorite things about bumbleby? Why do you ship them?

Haha thanks, it's okay though, I feel they told on themselves more than anything🤣. As for my favourite things about BB! Well...

I love that from the get-go Yang just seems to genuinely love making Blake laugh and smile - to the point it's even, very sweetly, referenced in the Manga anthology. I love the fact that Blake was introduced as this reserved character and after her initial hesitation, she smiles so much after becoming partners with Yang. Immediately after killing the Ursa, at the relics, watching Yang admire Ruby - and it's just so consistent throughout and grows until Blake's eventually laughing at Yang's dorky jokes. That always stood out to me, that Yang made her smile more than anyone.

I love the fact that Yang just believes in Blake so much, even so early on. We see it when Blake outs herself as a faunus - there's no doubts in Yang's mind whatsoever, she just wants her safe. We see it when Yang volunteers to help with the WF mission, she just volunteers to help, no questions asked, to support her (the 'I love it when you're feisty' and the look they share after this is one of my all time favourite moments). We see it again in Mountain Glenn when Yang tells her that she's 'not one to back down from a fight'. We see it again at the dance, when Yang was so confident in being able to get Blake to the dance, trusting that Blake would relate to her past and achieve her goals - and that's just some from volumes 1-3. Blake, when she arrived at Beacon, was a little broken from everything that happened to her, and I genuinely believe that she needed someone like Yang to bring that sunshine into her life and believe in her unconditionally. And she pays her back by believing in her after the fight with Mercury, trusting that she wasn't like Adam. But also, she needed someone who would restore that faith in humans too - as she referenced in the confession scene. Even if they technically speed-ran the whole 'enemies' part of enemies-to-friends/lovers, Blake was still wary of humans at the beginning of the series. I genuinely think Yang was a massive part of helping her overcome this.

I also love the way that Blake is with Yang. She started off so reserved, making herself quiet and small but just seems to find a strength in Yang. And, likewise, Blake seems to ground Yang and bring out a more serious side in her as well as the silly. It's just so balanced.

I love the symmetry in their partnership - whether it's the sun/moon, yin/yang, opposites vibe or even the way their semblances and fighting style are like two halves of a whole. We see their partner combinations so often throughout the show and they get increasingly more powerful and fluent as the two grow in confidence together. I love that for them. That their strength on the battlefield strengthens as they grow closer.

I even love the fact that they had that conflict and came out of it wanting to protect each other, because it wasn't a straight-forward path from friend to lovers. I loved all the things above so early on, and then you see a pattern when they're separated that they're clearly thinking of one another. The fact that they had something they needed to work through together made it feel all the more realistic to me, because it set it apart from other relationships in the show, there was angst and a build-up of tension. You can see the moment that they accept their feelings go deeper, that it's safe to explore them, and the gentle shifts in their relationship. I love the fact that they healed together, that Blake showed Yang that not everyone who leaves won't come back.

I shipped BB yeeears before I was involved in the fandom - so it's always amusing to me when Antis come at me with accusations that it's a sheep mentality. Like my dude, I was shipping this before I knew it was a thing. Back when I was at uni with roommate telling her that I genuinely thought something fruity was going on with the two of them. It has a special place for me, because I discovered it back when I was first realising I was bi, and BB had a similar dynamic to me and my best friend that I slowly fell in love with. You might want to comfort yourself by believing that people apparently only like the ship cos it's gay, but the truth is that this ship has so much to offer. I DEADASS DIDN'T EVEN GO INTO MY REASONS THAT STEM FROM VOLUMES 6 ONWARDS I COULD WRITE THIS FOREVER HAHAH.

hey ryan. firstly i love your blog, it helps me so much and youre awesome. second i just have a question about attraction.

i find it difficult to determine whether im feeling genuine romantic/s*xual attraction or if im forcing myself to. im one of those 99/1 bi people and my preference is for women. every once in a long while, a man will catch my eye but only aesthetically. however i... women are beautiful and i know that without a doubt.

i can immediately see when a woman is just stunning and gorgeous since alot of them are, but when it comes to the thought of doing anything romantic or more with them (potentially) i always find myseld having to think harder about what that would be like.

like... i see a woman, im like gods she's stunning, and then i spend three minutes trying to fantasise what it'd be like to kiss her or date her or whatever else. it's not an immediate thing in my head that just comes to me without having to exert focus to see, and even then i can barely see myself with said person consistently. maybe for a moment but then it passes and im daydreaming about the woman and some blank placeholder partner that could be me but isnt.

i can never imagine being physically intimate with another person, no matter how beautiful i find them and even when i do, its like im picking them apart until theyre just pieces that i find attractive which just feels wrong.

idk if im actually romantically+ into women or if im bi/sapphic aroace.

aorry that this is so long. would you have any advice? ty fo being awesome.

Heya anon :D

Ajsjajs ty, I’m glad you like my blog omg <3

And don’t worry, you have nothing to apologise for! I’m always here to help y’all out!

Hmm yeah it sounds like you might possibly be oriented aroace! I’d say try looking through my #aromantic questioning and #asexual questioning tags, try looking at aroace content on tumblr, follow aspec blogs and see if you relate!!

You can look through my #lesbian questioning tag if you want, and read these two posts and see if you relate! This one is more of a shitpost, while this one goes more into detail!

My advice is try the labels that make you happy. Does being aro feel like it fits? Does the flag feel like home to you, does the community feel like you belong? Does being ace feel like being yourself? Does being lesbian make you happy? Use labels that make you happy and you’ll be good.

Lmk if you have any more questions!

Catra abused Adora.

I want to start off by explaining my own experience with watching She-Ra for the first time. I started to watch the show and continued to watch it for various reasons. But I want to make it clear that I wasn’t watching the show to see who ended up with who. I enjoyed the show mostly because it had such wonderful messages surrounding healthy families, friendships, and relationships. And so, one of the main themes of the show ended up being: abuse. 

The show demonstrated that abuse can take a variety of forms. The show demonstrated that people can suffer from abuse in different ways. The show presented that people can break the cycle of abuse and people can continue the cycle of abuse. The show demonstrated that in some cases people can try and help an abusive person, but the abusive person may abuse the person trying to help. The show also highlighted that people are allowed to leave abusive relationships.

Before we begin, I want to note that I won’t be answering the question “Did Catra’s own experiences of abuse influence her actions?” Because the answer to this question is obviously Yes. And I sympathize with Catra and the fact that she was abused while she was growing up. In addition, there’s a lot of complexity and depth surrounding the abuse Catra received. But Catra also continued the cycle of abuse. And in real life, people who have been abused can also end up abusing other people. 

Now, since we’ll be focusing on Catradora in this commentary, we must look strictly at the interactions between Catra and Adora. The reason behind this is we are evaluating only whether the relationship between Catra and Adora is healthy. In addition, if your friend told you they were being abused, would you ask the question, “I understand, but what about your abuser? Was your abuser abused?”. No, I don’t think you would. You’d ask your friend, “Is there any way I can help?” And so, in this case, Adora is your friend and Catra is the abuser.

Thus, the main question remains: Did Catra abuse Adora? And the answer is Yes.

(Please note that the underlined statements are hyperlinked to websites providing information on abuse.)

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Catra has unrealistic expectations of Adora:

Catra makes unreasonable demands of Adora.

Catra expects Adora to put everything aside and meet her needs.

Catra is constantly dissatisfied no matter how much Adora gives.

Catra invalidates Adora:

Catra undermines, dismisses, and distorts Adora’s perceptions of reality.

Catra accuses Adora of being "crazy”.

Catra refuses to acknowledge or accept Adora’s opinions or ideas as valid.

Catra dismisses Adora’s requests, wants, and needs as ridiculous or unmerited.

Catra suggests that Adora’s perceptions are wrong or that Adora cannot be trusted by saying things like “you’re not making sense”.

Catra uses emotional blackmail:

Catra manipulates and controls Adora by making Adora feel guilty.

Catra uses Adora’s fears, values, compassion, or other hot buttons to control Adora or the situation.

Catra exaggerates Adora’s flaws or points Adora’s flaws out in order to deflect attention or to avoid taking responsibility for her poor choices or mistakes.

Catra denies that an event took place/lies about it.

Catra acts superior:

Catra treats Adora like Catra’s inferior.

Catra blames Adora for her mistakes.

Catra doubts everything Adora says and attempts to prove Adora wrong.

Catra talks down to Adora.

Catra uses sarcasm when interacting with Adora.

Catra acts like she’s always right, knows what’s best, and is smarter than Adora.

Catra controls and isolates Adora:

Catra treats Adora like a possession or property.

Signs of Physical Abuse

Catra kidnaps Adora.

Catra scratches Adora.

Catra shoves Adora.

Catra kicks Adora.

Catra slaps Adora.

Catra uses weapons on Adora.

Catra physically restrains Adora.

Catra attempts to murder Adora multiple times.

Adora suffered from Catra’s abuse and Adora displayed the effects of this abuse:

Short Term Effects

confusion

fear

hopelessness

shame

Long-term effects

guilt

anxiety

Adora also tried tactics that are not effective ways of dealing with abuse:

Adora arguing with Catra.

Adora trying to understand or make excuses for Catra.

Adora attempting to appease Catra.

Adora also figures out how to properly deal with Catra’s abuse:

Adora makes herself a priority.

Adora establishes boundaries.

Adora stops blaming herself.

Adora realizes she can’t fix Catra.

Adora avoids engaging with Catra.

Adora builds a support network.

Adora deserves to be in a healthy relationship, which consists of:

Trust

Adora should be confident her partner won’t do anything to hurt her or ruin the relationship.

In a healthy relationship, trust comes easily and Adora shouldn’t have to question her partner’s intentions or whether her partner has her back.

Honesty

Adora should be able to be truthful and candid without fearing how her partner will respond. 

Adora’s partner may not like what Adora has to say, but should respond to disappointing news in a considerate way.

Respect

Adora’s partner should value Adora’s beliefs and opinions.

Adora’s partner should love Adora for who she is.

Adora should feel comfortable setting boundaries and should feel confident that her partner will respect those boundaries. 

Adora’s partner should cheer for Adora when Adora achieves something. 

Adora’s partner should support Adora’s hard work and dreams, and appreciate Adora.

Equality

Adora’s relationship should feel balanced.

Both Adora and her partner should put the same effort into the success of the relationship. 

Neither Adora’s nor her partner’s opinions should dominate. Instead, they both should hear each other out and make compromises when they don’t want the same thing. 

Adora should feel like her needs, wishes and interests are just as important as her partner’s. 

Kindness

Adora’s partner should be caring and empathetic to Adora, and should provide comfort and support.

In a healthy relationship, Adora’s partner will do things that they know will make Adora happy. 

Kindness should be a two-way street in Adora’s relationship: it’s given and returned. 

Adora’s partner should show compassion for Adora and the things Adora cares about.

Taking Responsibility

Adora’s partner should own up to their actions and words. 

Adora’s partner should not place blame and should be able to admit when they make a mistake. 

Adora’s partner should genuinely apologize when they’ve done something wrong and continually try to make positive changes to better the relationship. 

Adora’s partner should be able take ownership for the impact of their words or behaviour had, even if it wasn’t their intention.

Healthy Conflict

Adora and her partner should be able to openly and respectfully discuss issues and confront disagreements non-judgmentally. 

Adora’s partner should not belittle or yell during an argument.

Adora’s relationship should have healthy conflict by recognizing the root issue and addressing it respectfully before it escalates into something bigger. 

Fun

Adora should enjoy spending time with her partner.

Adora and her partner should bring out the best in each other.  

A healthy relationship should feel easy and make Adora happy. 

Adora should be able to let loose, laugh, and be themselves.

Adora’s relationship should not bring Adora’s mood down but should cheer Adora up. 

Adora’s relationship doesn’t have to be fun 100% of the time, but the good times should definitely outweigh the bad.

In conclusion:

Whatever Catra says, Catra’s violence towards Adora is unacceptable. 

Catra’s violent behavior is always Catra’s responsibility, not Adora’s.

Catra’s abuse is not okay or justifiable.

There are so many scenes throughout the series where Catra emotionally and physically abused Adora, and these scenes are captured on this blog. 

I just want to add that even when Catra emotionally and physically abused Adora, Adora continuously tried to reach out and help Catra. Adora gave Catra so many chances for her to apologize and rectify her mistakes. But Catra didn’t. Not only that, when Adora left, Catra continued to abuse people. Catra emotionally abused Scorpia. Then, when Scorpia left, Catra began abusing Lonnie. Catra’s abuse didn’t stop when Adora left, Catra just found a new victim.

In addition, there were so many significant moments of growth for Adora. Adora found people who supported her and did not abuse her. Adora began to heal from Catra’s abuse. Adora no longer made excuses for Catra. Adora realized that she is not responsible for Catra’s atrocious actions. 

Adora was strong and brave for moving forward in her life without her abuser. 

Moreover, Adora is a victim of abuse. Catra abused Adora emotionally and physically. Catra repeatedly admits to manipulating Adora in order to meet her own selfish goals. Catra did not show any remorse for her abuse against Adora throughout seasons 1 to 4. Catra continuously blamed Adora for her own atrocious actions. And finally, Catra attempted to murder Adora on several occasions. 

And here’s the most important thing. I don’t care who Adora would have ended up with. I just care about the fact that Adora ended up with Catra. What I mean is: I would rather have Adora end up without a partner, than end up with Catra.

Irrespective of whether you agree or disagree with my points on Catradora, these will be final points:

Abuse can happen anywhere at any time.

Abuse can happen in any relationship, including lesbian relationships.

Abuse is unacceptable.

Make sure YOU can recognize signs of emotional and physical abuse. 

Make sure YOU know that it’s okay to leave an abusive relationship.

Make sure YOU can trust and depend on your PARTNER/FRIEND. 

Make sure YOUR PARTNER/FRIEND knows they can trust and depend on YOU. 

Make sure YOU are being treated with kindness and support in your relationships. 

Make sure YOU are treating YOUR PARTNER/FRIEND with kindness and support. 

Make sure YOU are in healthy relationships and friendships.

In conclusion, EVERYONE deserves to be treated with love and respect.

Thank you.

the only touchstone of truth

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: I Care A Lot (2020) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Fran/Marla Grayson Characters: Marla Grayson, Fran (I Care A Lot) Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Origin Story, Canon Backstory, First Meetings, First Kiss, First Dates, Getting Together, Morally Ambiguous Character, Illegal Activities, Eventual Smut, Flirting, Partners in Crime, crime wives

Chapter 2:

There was something different about Marla that day. She wasn’t bored, she wasn’t idly waiting. She was waiting, true, but only because that was part of her plan. Standing behind her counter, her shop more or less back in shape, she wore a different blouse, higher heels, and a smile that sharpened, even more, when somebody came in. Marla sent a quick nod to Curtis, who had instructions on what to do. He pulled out his phone and walked away toward the storage room of the place.

“Marla,” the man greeted her with a perfectly polite and respectful tone that already started to crumble on his second sentence, “I wonder, what on Earth are you trying to do?”

“Mr. Nelson, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Marla replied, “It’s a pleasure to have you visit us.” What an honor to have you millionaire, corporate, chain store, ugly ass step on my broken dreams physically this time.

“You cleaned up the store,” he sighed, looking around as if to take a hold of his emotions.

This promptly reminded the blonde of the couple of hours she spent with Curtis destroying her own shop and then putting it back together again. In the upcoming years, Marla would learn just how far she was capable of playing dirty, and many would accuse her of being unscrupulous, among worse adjectives, but nobody would ever dare call her lazy, that was for sure. With or without morals, Marla was an extremely hardworking woman, and she wasn’t afraid of getting her hands dirty, for better or for worse. A practical habit that she cultivated during her days of playing fair, and kept, for some reason. Most likely because idleness simply went against her nature, and she had promised herself not to rest until she achieved her goals. 

“We did, yes. Lots of hard work,” the blonde nodded, “such a shame what happened.”

“Such a shame,” the man echoed the sentiment, speaking on autopilot, but when he focused his eyes on Marla again he was all ice. “You’re accusing us of doing it,” he said.

Purposefully, Marla gave him a deep shrug and another shark-like smile. “I believe it’s the police who marked your company as suspects,” she replied in a mockingly innocent tone.

“We didn’t do it. And the accusation is bad publicity for our business. Drop the lawsuit,” he ordered, his voice starting to shake just slightly. When Marla only shook her head slowly, he scoffed. “You’re nothing, Marla Gray,” he seethed, “Your little business is over. Why would we try to boycott you out of all people? You’re not even competition. Drop the lawsuit.”

“Grayson.”

“What?” he was still laughing with a combination of awkwardness and annoyance.

“My name is Marla Grayson,” she stated using the full power of the commanding nature that she knew she had, “and I will fight for this shop until the end.”

He scoffed again, clearly losing his patience. The man walked to the door of the store and back to the counter once, twice, until he calmed down and not quite looking Marla in the eyes, he offered, “Twenty thousand dollars, and you’ll drop the lawsuit.”

“No,” Marla denied it immediately and before she could fully think about how offensive the offer was, he continued.

“Fifty thousand, Marla,” he said, his face red and his voice trembling. It was a pretty number that put Marla at a crossroads between the attempt to feel offended and the impulse to just ask for more. Either way, that number would not do. She only tilted her head and her expression said it all. “A hundred thousand dollars, dammit! Final offer!”

At this point, Marla made it a point to pick up her vape pen and look as bored as possible. “Please get out of my store, Mr. Nelson. I’ll see you in court,” she concluded.

He shook his head, he was breathing heavily and wildly waved a finger in her direction. “No! This is not over,” he protested, “How dare you say no to me?! I’ll make you regret it, you know?” He made a pause and after seeing that his threat did nothing to disturb her, and in fact, she only exhaled the smoke in a terribly irritating way, he slammed his hands on the counter right in front of her, “Dammit just take the money!”

“I will not,” Marla fumed back at him, barely letting show a hint of her patience running out.

“And you better stop screaming.”

Both Marla and her unwanted guest hastily looked toward the door of the shop. There was Fran, casually leaning against the doorway, not so casually showing off her plaque. At first, the man didn’t even move from his place. But Fran let out a quick whistle and said, “This aggressive visit will not look on your case, Mr. Nelson.”

Finally, the big store owner groaned loudly and without even sparing either woman a word, he stormed away from the place for good.

This quick turn of events left Marla and Fran alone in the shop. Marla stayed behind the counter that she managed to handle like an equivalent to a throne, and Fran took a couple of effortless steps forward until she stood in the middle of the place, directing a small and easy smile at the other woman.

“I must say,” Fran started to say, “I didn’t expect to receive this ‘Marla needs help, come over right now’ text from a number, I assume, that isn’t yours.” She waved her phone once for emphasis.

“Personally, I don’t usually give my number to strangers,” Marla replied, earning herself a chuckle from Fran, who looked away for a second, but when their eyes met again, Marla was sincere as she said, “Thank you for coming, by the way.”

Fran nodded, accepting her gratitude without making a big deal of it. This gave Marla an opportunity to study her again. Fran looked similar to what she did that night showing up to the shop after the staged attack. A ponytail holding on for dear life to wild hair that just begged to be freed, a more or less regular detective’s outfit that most likely wasn’t designed with the purpose of fitting Fran’s curves so scandalously well on every single right place. And then there was the way she simply stood in the middle of the store with immeasurable confidence. Nothing to hide behind, nothing to lean into, just her in an open space without any issue with Marla’s eyes glued to her. She wasn’t standing there like she owned the place, not exactly. It looked like she couldn’t care less about ownership, but her world consisted of only her, and she didn’t care enough about any authority to give them the power of deciding if she belonged or if she was out of place. Fran carried herself as if the rest of the world’s ideas of right or wrong were mere suggestions. Nothing sounded more appealing to Marla.

“You weren’t exactly in trouble though,” Fran contemplated, reluctantly breaking the silence, “you looked like you had it handled.”

“But you did scare him off,” Marla grinned.

“And you didn’t take the money.”

“Do I look like someone that would have taken the money?”

Fran laughed, because they both knew the answer to that question very well. She walked forward until she could lean her arms on the infamous counter, not quite in front of Marla, just a little to the side. “Maybe you should have,” she finally mused, “this might be bigger than you, gorgeous.”

This development in their interactions came with considerable consequences for Marla, who had underestimated the effect it would have on her to have Fran again standing so close to her. She wouldn’t back down though, she wouldn’t lose her higher ground, but she couldn’t deny the fact that Fran shook her to her core in a magnitude previously unknown to Marla. She couldn’t come up with a reasonable answer until it was obviously too late, so she stayed silent, picked up her pen, and after taking a drag she left it on the counter. This seemed to spark Fran’s attention, who had previously been content to just study Marla’s face from up close and during the daylight.

“So, are you going to offer me one of these,” the brunette wondered, lightly tapping with her fingertip the tip of the pen standing between them, “or a coffee… a drink… should you at least walk me to my car?”

“I will… walk you to your car,” Marla decided, after a quick and not exactly pleasant assessment of the situation. There was nothing she’d love more than to take Fran’s hand and either lead her out of that damned store or guide her to the other side of the locked door of her office. But there were already smoke signals in the air between them that she couldn’t ignore. This could be dangerous, this was possibly great, this was certainly bigger than either of them was accustomed to. Marla was stunned by the undeniable fact that she wasn’t sure how to handle Fran, and equally as unsettled but no less excited about the fact that she had no idea how Fran would handle her. She had no doubt they could handle each other, but until she felt completely confident in a perfect plan of action, she would have to see for how long and how much she could feed this ferocious and inexplicable fire that was burning between them.

As they approached Fran’s vehicle, Marla made two statements. “I will not take the money,” she said, followed by, “and that’s not a car.”

Fran winked, “My mistake.” She leaned back on the motorcycle and focused her attention on the blonde in front of her.

“I’m taking that asshole to court,” Marla managed to say, despite that unexpected and entirely alluring image of Fran standing just like that. She should have known that even the safest option among all that the brunette had offered would still come with a trick to test Marla’s hesitant boundaries.

“For something you did?”

“I’ll have to close either way,” Marla rolled her eyes, “He took me out of business. I have to take something from him. Something big.”

Fran tilted her head. “Do you have experience in court?” she wondered.

“I’m confident I can manage,” Marla smiled.

“Of course,” the other woman chuckled. “Though,” she added, “if only you had… an acquaintance, who happened to be knowledgeable in the shady alleyways of court and would be willing to give you a hand.”

Fran was barely done with her word when suddenly Marla was almost on top of her. Marla had moved quickly and swiftly, standing impossibly close to Fran, somehow not touching, but if any of them were to so much as breathe a little harder than usual their bodies would meet in all the right places. Which was maybe the reason Fran was suddenly holding her breath. Marla had placed both hands on the bike, on either side of Fran’s hips, trapping her in place, while holding her face just inches away from the other woman.

“What do you want,” Marla slowly asked, “Fran?”

“Why do you assume I want something?”

Being softly hit with Fran’s breath on her cheek was an unexpected consequence of Marla’s plan, but she held her ground. Very deliberately, one of her hands moved slowly and confidently to one of the back pockets of Fran’s pants. The brunette, to her credit, her only reaction was a noticeable clench of her jaw, but she stood still while Marla pulled out her phone and mercifully stepped away to let both of them breathe a little easier.

“Unlock it, I’ll save my number,” Marla held out Fran’s own phone for her and proceeded to follow through with her words. 

Fran got her heart rate almost back to normal as she watched Marla quickly tap the screen, and deciding the only right thing to possibly say at that moment was to answer Marla’s question, she said, “Give me a percentage of the money you’ll make with the lawsuit. So I can finally quit the police.”

Beyond pleased with that answer, Marla bit her lip for a moment then returned the phone. “And here I thought you were just trying to have dinner with me,” she said to Fran right before walking away from her, but not before looking back just in time to catch the other woman staring, and adding a final smile she threw over her shoulder, “See you soon, Fran.”

I've always been bisexual. Even though like many people I was socialized as a heterosexual and feminine person, my first "sexual awakenings" (those first experiencies of admiration, infatuation and sexual excitation) during my childhood happened with women. As I was at the same time conscious about my attraction to boys, my heterosexual socialization made me give little importance to my fascination with women and the feminine.

After several years—and more unperceived "awakenings"—I noticed that maybe I'd be interested in "being" with a woman. At first I didn't try anything, and when I had non-straight crushes I felt intimidated and very buga* for them. When I had boyfriends, they noticed that I also liked women, but we never talked about it in a straightforward manner. Eventually my first non-buga relationships (sexual, sentimental) happened, with both cisgender women and people outside the binary gender spectrum. Only after I had those experiences I told myself that–finally–I could call myself bisexual.

(*Buga is a jargon used by LGBTQIA communities in Mexico to refer to heterosexual people.)

Nowadays I'm suspicious of talking about my bisexuality with other people, since unfortunately biphobia (the hate and discrimination toward bisexual people) is a real phenomenon (1). Because the bisexual identities are a grayscale in contrast to the "black or white" which implies being straight or homosexual, bisexual people can suffer discrimination, prejudice or invisibility from both of these communities.

Biphobia can be manifested through unintended jokes and lack of credibility, or openly as insults. These type of attitudes negatively affect the mental and emotional well-being of bisexual people, especially among younger bisexuals who report more mental issues (anxiety, depression, stress, higher rates of suicide) than both heterosexuals and homosexuals (gays and lesbians) (2).

In many cases, biphobia is a product of a lack of information. Below you can read more about some of the most common questions, myths, and facts about bisexuality.

What exactly is bisexuality?

Bisexuality is a type of sexual orientation. Sexual orientation refers to those towards whom we feel attraction (affective, sexual, emotional). Some sexual orientations examples include: heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, pansexuality, and more.

The bisexual orientation is defined as having attraction towards more than one gender (3); it is a more fluid and open idea, subject to variations between different people who call themselves bisexual.

Not all people define their bisexuality in an identical way, and not all people attracted towards more than one gender call themselves bisexual.

Is bisexuality only a phase?

No. It's normal that many homosexual people go through a exploration period while they are learning to understand where their attraction lies. However, that doesn't mean bisexuality is always a phase prior to homosexuality (4). For many people, feeling attracted to other people of various genders it is a serious and stable preference (5).

Being bisexual does not always means that an attraction towards more than one gender is divided 50-50 evenly, or even 40-60, in a consistent preference. There are some for whom it is mostly–but not exclusively–attraction to one gender (6). But there are also those for whom attraction changes with time and according to certain contexts (7). This category of fluidity is not expected–at least in the beginning–from monosexual orientations.

These types of false beliefs have been facilitated by scientific research. Many studies on bisexuality have been focused on monosexual perspectives (heterosexual and/or homosexual), skewing the results to misrepresent the experience of bisexual people (8). It has also been wrongly suggested that bisexuality is an incomplete orientation, as if it was only a mere transition to homosexuality (9).

Do bisexual people like it "both ways" because they have an insatiable sexual appetite?

No. Someone’s orientation does not define anyone's sexual appetite. Bisexuality itself doesn't make someone promiscuous, unfaithful or untrustworthy. This myth is a product of monosexism: the belief that people should have only one sole sexual identity and only one type of sexual behaviour towards one gender or defined sex (10).

Monosexism also assumes monogamy is the norm (11). To impose monosexism as a sole social norm applicable to everyone leads (consciously or indirectly) to the belief that another more fluid sexuality can be a threat or an anomaly, and harder to control.

The assumption that bisexuality is an abnormal preference or that bisexual people are without self control can create false narratives that subject this orientation to be hypersexualized; it can make people think that bisexual people "choose" this orientation in order to have more options of where to find potential partners. It is harmful to project sexual fantasies onto bisexual people (or onto any other orientation) without their consent, as if they were only an instrument to satisfy fantasies for others.

In my experience, it’s been very irritating when people assume that being bisexual translates to the equal possibility of being willing to "do it all".

Am I bisexual if I also feel attraction towards transgender or non-binary people?

Generally speaking, yes. Some people think that the prefix "bi" means that bisexuality is the attraction towards only two cis/binary genders ("man" or "woman"). There are indeed those who live their orientation this way, but bisexuality–understood as the attraction to people of more than one gender–can also be extended to people with gender identities way beyond the binary and cis gender spectrum.

With that in mind, it’s also worth noting that not all people who feel attraction to more than one gender call themselves bisexuals for many reasons (stigma, culture, lack of information available, etc.). There are non-monosexual orientations, for example pansexuality (the attraction to people without considering their gender identity), whose definitions can sound very similar to bisexuality (12); in those cases, the decision to call oneself bisexual, pansexual or of any other term is a much more personal question that depends on how we feel and how we define ourselves individually.

Do I stop being bisexual if I start a romantic relationship with someone of the "opposite" gender?

No. This myth is due to the false idea that bisexuality is only an "experimentation" phase before things "get serious" and back to a stable heterosexual relationship (a common case among people socialized as women) (13). It is also possible to be in a monosexual relationship in which each person keeps their distinct sexual orientation.

There are internalized feelings of biphobia common to bisexual people when they decide to start a romantic relationship that can be perceived as monosexual. These feelings often occur similarly to the fear that a partner of monosexual orientation wouldn't understand the bisexuality of the other (14). In other cases, it might be easy for others (family, friends, social circles) to assume that the bisexual people's orientation changes or disappears depending on the current partner (15).

Even though the sexual orientation of anyone can change throughout life, it's much healthier when those decisions are made individually, without biphobic stereotypes and without the pressure of others’ perceptions.

Can I be bisexual if I haven't had sex or a relationship outside the heterosexual spectrum?

Of course! Nobody is obligated to offer "proof" of one's bisexuality. Being conscious that someone's sexual orientation can be bisexual is enough. Our sexual orientation may not be cast in stone for the rest of our lives, so it's completely valid to be going through a phase of exploration or questioning without the need to "make a decision" for the rest of our lives, or to clearly define our orientation within a label.

Non-heterosexual experiences, either sexual, affective or social, often times are facilitated (or repressed) by the context in which we live, by our social or familiar relationships, by the complexity of our tastes and individual necessities, by the access (or lack thereof) to different sexual diversities and cultures, and also by a safe environment, free from harassment, judgment, and marginalization.

It's important to keep in mind that there aren’t always comfortable and safe environments for the open exploration of any non-heterosexual orientation; sometimes there are circumstances in which prioritizing one’s physical and emotional well-being requires keeping oneself in the closet—which is also valid. In any case, whatever the context, not having non-heterosexual experiences with others does not mean that someone’s internal thoughts should be suppressed. I fell into this trap and only called myself bisexual once I had my first non-heterosexual experiences, even though my whole life I have been thinking that.

Clarifying doubts and obtaining sexual information free of bias and stigma can make a critical difference in the quality of life of those marginalized by their sexuality.

folklore

fokalore is Taylor Swift’s Darkness on the Edge of Town – the first thing you notice about this record is the point of view(s).  The usual approach to any Swift song is to assume the subjective orientation is all her’s and then to ask, situationally, who/what/where is she singing about. Lover took this to its natural conclusion – a cultivated megalomania where her relationship to her partners and fans expand to cover the nature of America itself.  Here, however, even on a first listen, it is obvious that a number of the songs can’t be her, and on a second you start to doubt that any are.  The jump here is most analogous to the jump between Springsteen’s early career magnum opus Born to Run, which brought his epic street folk tales of his life lived in and around The City to full flower, and the southern literature infused “stories of other lives lived” of Darkness on the Edge of Town that carves out a broader American mythology from the third person and the suggestion that these are things that have resonance to his life, that none of the songs are about him but all of them together are, somehow.  The album seems tied together like something between Everything that Rises Must Converge and Visit from the Goon Squad.  

Wait, no... folklore is Taylor Swift’s Inland Empire – structure is all important in a serious TS effort, which this is.  1989’s cosine wave of relationship’s downhill slope and Kubler-Ross recovery (Fire Walk with Me’s horrific fall and redemption) and Lover’s 1st 2/3 exploration of the symbolic order ending in a crash with the last 1/3 a negotiation with the real (Mulholland Drive) give way to something rhizomal (more specifically fractal) with meaning derived from connections like a box of photos from multiple people whose stories connect in variable ways, forming a vortex of a story no individual part of which is entirely consistent with any other.  The central story, that keeps echoing around and out is of a love triangle with an infidelity that acquires a folk tale resonance and haunts everything.   This would also describe Inland Empire.

There is no dearth of online commentary on connections to her life.  She bought a mansion in Rhode Island, and last great american dynasty is about the history of the house, with its Jazz age parties and imagery, and the mad woman at the center living her party forever lifestyle. epiphany is about her grandfather’s war experiences as related to current heathcare work in the time of COVID.  Inez, James and Betty (the named characters in the central story) are the names of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively’s daughters.  invisible string, the only definitive song from her non-hoax POV is full of allusions to her relationship with Joe Alwyn. The opening track, the 1, has been shouted from the rooftop by the Swift camp as being about “a friend” not her, which you would be hard pressed to know is you weren’t putting in the extranoematic effort.  But the core trio of songs, the most “character” based are cardigan, august, and betty, which tell the core of a story about three teenagers from each POV (the cheated on, the cheated with, and the cheater respectively), two of which have been in love for a while, who threaten to fall apart after one has a fling with a third party, and who may make it work after all. It is significantly unspecified what gender James is.

Around this swarm another group of songs that seem to apply, whether they are strictly about the same people or not.  seven seems like backstory for the triangle with some Swift specificity.  this is me trying seems like a version of an apology in the story, but with whiskey that suggests it’s happening to someone older.  illicit affairs is about the fling, but it began in expensive rooms (though it ended ended up in the mall parking lots of the core songs). mad woman serves to connect last great american dynasty to my tears ricochet (which is pointedly from the POV of the tormentor of a Swift-like figure, but she’s identifying with both) which also feels like the unnamed other woman of the main triangle’s ultimate fate. Again, no genders.

The unities are created with a few tidy motifs, threads through the work that sometimes reach back to other works.  The roaring 20s/Great Gatsby (remember This is Why We Can’t have nice things and the 4th of July parties), how “they” think the young know nothing, the hero being gone (from “the film”) so what’s the story now, parking lots, cobblestones, streetlamps, summer as a liminal frame, axes and knives, warmth for the ex that has a family now, kingdoms, cliffsides, the idea of an agitating presence being a feature-not-bug, blue referring to her boyfriend and sadness both… It’s a nice web.

What about the remaining tracks?  exile is a biblical abstraction of the broken relationship; it connects to everything (it’s the rabbit scenes from Inland Empire). mirrorball is an example of one of my favorite TS things, the song about how her “self” may not exist since she only exists as a reflective, fragmented surface (this directly contrasts to the project of the rest of the album). Epiphany is a parallel drawing of a line from the early 20th century to today, a nod to real death as a contrast to emotional death. Invisible string is the only “true” song on the album.  Peace is an attempt to put the set of ideas to bed, however uncomfortably.

But the bracketing (first and last) songs are interesting.  The album was complete, the story goes, and she wrote the two in an evening to put a parenthesis around the whole project.  On a first listen, you can’t help but ask “is this a breakup album? Are her and Joe done?”  The last song would seem to underscore this.  Seemingly written as her, she existentially wails about “your” faithless love being the only hoax she believes in. But, as is the case so often here, the identity is unclear. Is it him?  Her audience? Herself?  But the title of the song is hoax. It’s just vague enough that you can suspect it’s about the search for meaning through the process of songwriting, and that everything you’ve just heard is a lie but is still oh so true. You are prepared for this after the first song, the 1, which seems to be about her, and would act to unify the album under the umbrella of her attempt at distancing from an event at a 4thof July party (her summer parties at her RI house were legendary), but we have been repeatedly told in the press that it is in fact not about her but about a friend (Selena Gomez?).  The framing of opening with a bait and switch and ending with “hoax” calls into question the reality of everything.

Moments snap together like magnets lego.  The album is deeply retropseudonostalgic, accent on the algos. She’s sorting through other people’s stories that speak to her (that feel like a piece of her), putting on her theory of mind hat and trying to compassionately inhabit them,  and building an elaborate fantasy of heartbreak and healing that she knows people will project onto her. The gender is left fluid, and the album doesn't have lesbian overtones as much as is completely identity agnostic.  The line through mirrorball and hoax is the axis the album rotates around, producing an inversion of her obsession – instead of her subjectivity dominating to the extent that she doesn’t exist except as a conscious hologram implied by the event horizon of her public image, being cut off from the feedback loop has forced her to inhabit the perspectives of others that occupy all points in a large story in which she can see a sketch of herself from the outside.  

Branjie Fic | Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer (6/?)

Title: Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer Summary: Brooke Lynn is a graduate student anxiously embracing her new position as her favorite dance professors’ new TA. Vanessa is a sophomore dance major who just might make her way into being more than the teacher(assistant)’s pet. (lesbian/university AU) Word Count: ~2.6k (this chapter)/~16.1k (total) Relationship: Branjie (Vanessa ‘Vanjie’ Mateo/Brooke Lynn Hytes) Rating: E

Read on AO3 | Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch.5

Competition, almost by definition, creates a high-pressure situation for those involved. Competing against someone your girlfriend wants to murder, however, is a whole other echelon of stress. Vanessa did her best to ignore the anxiety and doubt it all brought, letting her determination conquer an propel her into the competition full force. She was a firecracker on the floor, she commanded the crowds’ attention and received it in abundance.

And as quickly as it began, it ended, that was the case for the contestants especially. Everyone on the floor and in the audience held their breath in anticipation. Third place was called, and a petite blonde beamed as she took her spot on the podium, holding up her trophy with glee. Tension only grew before the next place was announced.

“In second place, from right here at New York University, Vanessa Mateo!”

Vanessa was happy, of course she was. But second place almost felt worse than first, because she missed the winning title by that much. Still, she took her place and put on her most dazzling smile as she was handed her trophy, and in a day’s time she knew she would be able to appreciate the award for what it really was. She listened in anticipation for the winner to be announced – she was ready to size up whatever stand-out was in the contest, she wasn’t going to let herself be intimidated.

“And the first-place winner, from Julliard, Lily Byrne!”

Of course, she won, Vanessa thought. Out of everyone she could’ve lost to, it was the one person that was already stirring the pot between herself and Brooke Lynn. Without that outlying factor, she probably would not have minded losing to her – her performance was breathtaking, and, as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she deserved the win.

Besides, if Brooke’s reaction was to be anything like it was when they first met Lily, this might not be a loss at all. Ever since she had gotten a taste of what jealousy could do to her, she had been craving more, but nothing had quite gotten her to that point again, which Vanessa found frustrating in every sense of the word. And her friends were useless in their advice, “just tell her what you want” – they didn’t get it, it wouldn’t be the same. It was spur of the moment, unprompted, passionate – you can’t just plan it out by request.

But Brooke Lynn seemed damn cheerful when she approached Vanessa, she hugged her tight, picking her up and spinning her around. “You did so well, baby,” she set her down and kissed her cheek. “I know you’ll get the gold next time,” she cooed, her arms still snugly around her. When she looked up, she noticed two women around her age looking at them, and they were standing just close enough for her to eavesdrop.

“See? I told you she’s the one that, you know…” one of them said, making an obscene gesture with two fingers and her tongue. Both girls giggled, causing Brooke to blush fiercely and abruptly drop her grasp on Vanessa and shove her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

“Let’s get out of here, Vanj,” Brooke murmured, heading towards the exit with Vanessa, who looked resigned to the idea that she was definitely not getting any rough, celebratory or angry sex tonight. But they had only gotten halfway towards the exit when they faced another interruption.

Lily had just gotten away from the congratulatory crowd around her to make her way over to the couple, or to Vanessa anyway. She caught her in a bear hug until the shorter girl started to wriggle in discomfort �� not from the tightness of the grip, but how Brooke’s expression was one of dejection than of fiery disdain, like she simply didn’t have the energy to deal with Lily’s blatant flirtation, perhaps due to the gossip only moments prior.

“You were so great out there, I totally thought you were gonna win,” Lily chirped. “You’re still coming to my party tomorrow, right?” as with last time, she was intentionally icing Brooke out to focus on Vanessa but holding herself in such a way that only the couple knew what was happening.

Vanessa hesitated, glancing towards Brooke for confirmation. When she got the silent affirmation, she turned back to Lily and nodded. “Yeah, we’ll be there. I don’t skip out on parties,” she said with a forced laugh, deciding it was best to lighten the mood and alleviate the tension, or try to, at least.

“Oh yay! By the way, it’s gonna be a Halloween theme, so wear a cute costume,” Lily hummed. “Though any costume would be cute on you,” she winked and trotted back off with her trophy in tow.

Brooke exhaled deeply, as if she was holding her breath through the whole exchange. “That girl is exhausting,” she murmured, pinching the bridge of her nose. “How does someone so bubbly suck the life out of me? She’s gotta be a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

Vanessa’s brows knitted. “Explain the metaphor while we go costume shopping.”

----------

“You know I’m only doing this for you, right?” Vanessa remarked as she looked at herself in the mirror. “And because I look good as hell. I ain’t never thought of trynna rock orange hair,” she added, adjusting the wig she had on. It fit nicely but looked far from realistic. “Who are we again?”

Brooke sighed as she pulled her hair into pigtails. This was the fourth time she had received this question. “You’re Poison Ivy and I’m Harley Quinn,” she replied. While she wasn’t the one that suggested couple’s costumes, she had suggested the comic book pair – mostly because Vanessa had been insistent on being able to wear a ‘slutty’ costume because ‘it’s tradition’. “Grab a coat, you’ll freeze if you go outside like that,” she added.

Vanessa rolled her eyes but grabbed a coat – Brooke wasn’t wrong – her costume consisted of a green bustier and panty adorn with plastic leaves paired with tights and knee-high boots in the same color scheme. “Are you just gonna go out in that?” she asked and gestured to Brooke’s costume which, while covering her entire body, was skin-tight and not very thick.

“Of course not, let’s go,” she said, walking out the door as she buttoned up her coat.

Lily’s apartment was a ten-minute uber ride away, and the girls were in good spirits by the time they had gotten inside. There was a couple dozen guests, all dressed in various Halloween costumes and mingling throughout the festively decorated space. It was busy enough that it took almost ten minutes before the host had even spotted them.

Once she did, she made a beeline right towards them. “Vanessa! You came!” Lily’s costume wasn’t easily discernible to either of them – it seemed like something that could be worn to class. “You look so cute! See, I’m dressed as Cheryl Blossom from Riverdale, get it? Because of the hair?” the blank stares she received did not phase her, as if she hadn’t even noticed. “Come with me, you have to meet the other dancers,” Vanessa couldn’t object before she was dragged to the other side of the room.

This left Brooke alone, holding both of their coats. She swallowed thickly and took a deep breath, hanging up their coats in a nearby closet before pouring herself a drink. Everything is fine, you can’t control who flirts with her, her internal monologue rang out. She leaned against the counter, looking to see if she could spot Vanessa in the crowd while ignoring the guy trying to grill her on DC Comics trivia.

Even if it was an easy question, Brooke hadn’t even listened, “I don’t know, and I don’t care,” she said flatly, pushing past him as she went to search for her partner in crime. She scanned every person she walked past, nearly stopping a girl dressed as Poison Ivy before realizing she was too tall and too white to be her Poison Ivy.

Finally, Brooke heard Vanessa’s distinct laugh and was able to pinpoint her. Granted, she could probably pick Vanessa out of a crowd of hundreds from her laugh alone. She took a deep breath and counted backwards from ten, not wanting to come in hot and make a scene. In fact, she was trying to stay positive – it could be good for Vanessa to make friends with dancers at Julliard, it’s never too early to start networking, right?

But when Brooke got close enough to see what was going on, she realized Vanessa was fucking far from networking. No, instead she and Lily were dancing and giggling, dancing too close for far too long. Lily had an arm draped around her shoulder and playing with her wig as if it were her hair. Every now and then, her hand would wander and rest on her waist while she would grind up against her, all while Vanessa didn’t bother to keep her distance. In fact, she seemed to be inviting the attention.

“Hey Brooke Lynn,” Vanessa greeted with a clearly faux-innocent tone. She had stilled her dancing to a halt and took a few steps away from Lily.

Lily seemed a little too proud of herself for having gotten that far with the obviously taken girl. It was just another competition that she had won, and she looked from Vanessa to Brooke as if she were dangling another trophy in front of her face.

Brooke pressed her lips together, fighting the lump in her throat. Her heart was pounding, and her cheeks were red, and the only thing covering that was the black mask around her eyes. “Real classy, Vanjie,” she hissed, turning on her heel and heading straight for the door, stopping only to grab her coat on the way out.

Vanessa instantly pushed Lily off of her, realizing her plan to get Brooke riled up was blowing up horrendously. “Brooke! Brooke Lynn! Wait up!” she shouted, racing after her. She, too, had haphazardly yanked her coat off the hanger as she left, knocking down several others in the process. She ran as fast as her boots would allow, desperate to catch up with her. It wasn’t until they were outside of the building that she had finally managed to. “Brooke, hold on, please,” she pleaded breathlessly.

And she did, grinding to a halt and turning to face her with crossed arms and a narrowed gaze. A couple of tears had slipped out of her eyes, but they had been caught under her eye mask, the last thing she wanted was to be reduced to that much of a weak mess in front of her. The mask couldn’t hide all of the anger and hurt in her expression, however. “What the fuck was that, Vanessa?”

That caused Vanessa to freeze in her tracks. Brooke hadn’t used her real name once in the duration of their time together. From her first introduction, she was always Vanjie, if not a pet name – which she secretly liked even more. She felt like a child being scolded, meek and unnerved. “It wasn’t anything for real, I was just fucking around, I swear!”

“I know you were just ‘fucking around’,” Brooke spat. “You know how I feel about how she acts around you, and how hard it’s been to not let it get to me. So, you go let her feel up on you for what? To see how I’d react? To make me jealous? What sort of childish bullshit is that?”

Vanessa looked down, tail between her legs. “No…I mean yeah, I guess that was kinda it. But I didn’t want to upset you, I just…the day we met Lily, you got so intense and passionate and…fuck, gave me the best damn orgasm I’d ever had. I wasn’t gonna let it go anywhere, I didn’t kiss her or nothing.”

Brooke took a deep breath, closing her eyes tight. She exhaled and opened her eyes, though it was more like she was looking through Vanessa than at her. “So, this was about sex?” she clasped her hands behind her neck and stared up at the cloudy night’s sky. “Is this a game to you? Has this whole thing just been a fucking game?” she shook her head and laughed bitterly. “This is all my fault. I knew this was going to blow up in my face,” her voice was strained, and she was no longer even able to look her in the eye. It was all too much.

“Of course, this isn’t a fucking game!” Vanessa huffed. “But I thought you trusted me. You didn’t need to freak and storm out like that!”

“The only thing I didn’t need to do was fall in love with you!” Brooke shouted.

Then there was silence. She hadn’t admitted to anyone, not even herself, just how strong her feelings had grown. She was in way over her head, in a powder keg a second away from exploding. So, before Vanessa could respond, she ran off.

----------

“Let it out, honey. It’s going to be okay,” Nina soothed as Brooke cried with her head in her lap.

Nina was, undoubtedly, the one person Brooke felt safe enough to be completely vulnerable with. Normally she would have just gone home and drank herself to sleep, but the wounds were so fresh and cut so deep. And on top of that, she had just told Vanessa she’d fallen in love with her. Those were heavily weighted words.

“I don’t even know if I meant it, or if it was just the heat of the moment…but shit, I didn’t think I could feel so strongly for someone after two months. And to let her play me like that, it’s fucking humiliating,” Brooke sniffled, reaching out to grab a tissue and wipe her eyes. There were too many emotions, it felt like she was slipping into a pit of quicksand and Nina was the rope she had to grab onto to keep from drowning. She kept replaying that night over and over – the hurt she felt seeing Vanessa and Lily, the explosive anger she felt when she chewed her out in front of the apartment building – how was she supposed to go to class on Monday and act like everything was fine? That meant that, on top of everything else, she was going to have to end up telling Katya about what happened, too.

“I’m not sure if this makes it better or worse, but the things people say in moments of passion are often the most truthful. You know, like how they say drunken words are sober thoughts? Maybe ‘in love’ is a little strong, but you wouldn’t care so much if you didn’t love her at least a little,” Nina told her, gently stroking her hair. “It’s okay to open your heart, even when it starts to ache. Sometimes we need that to feel alive.”

Brooke slowly sat up, wiping her eyes and shifting to a cross-legged position. She had since traded her Harley Quinn bodysuit for an over-sized t-shirt and a makeup-free face. “It’s just…the worst thing about it is if I am in love with her, she couldn’t possibly love me back. You don’t just play with someone’s feelings if you love them…am I overreacting?”

“Maybe, but you’re hurting. Your feelings are valid. I think you need some time to recuperate, maybe call in sick on Monday. I’ll always be here to help you either way,” Nina promised.

Brooke was torn between accepting that her feelings were valid and suppressing them to move on. Part of her resented Vanessa for having such an impact on her, but maybe Nina was right. Despite all of the hurt, this was the most alive, and the most human she had felt in a long time.

Gender & Sexuality

Links to the poems:

Dear Straight People by Denise Frohman: https://genius.com/10567231

How Men Define Women in Society by Vanessa Halley: https://powerpoetry.org/poems/how-men-define-women-society-0

A Man is But a Coat by Zachary Grewe: http://www.gsws.pitt.edu/node/1308

A Poem about Gender Inequality by Safwan Aziz: https://medium.com/@safwan.aziz555/a-poem-about-gender-inequality-7eec5e635569

The Point of View of both Genders by Ricky H: https://powerpoetry.org/poems/point-view-both-genders

Subject Matter

 The poems talk about how marginalized groups are being expected to conform to societal norms and the challenges they face in a society where they are expected to comply with the majority. This can be seen in the quotes from the poems below:

“He’ll conform, confine, and change himself. He’ll struggle just to fit inside the coat of manliness and all that comes with it.”  - Stanza 2 (A Man is But a Coat)

"Kissing my girlfriend in public without looking to see who’s around is a luxury I do not fully have yet." - Stanza 19, line 2 (Dear Straight People)

“Make me a sandwich, because you aren’t ‘royalty’, you are his ‘slave’.” – Line 33-35 (How Men Define Women in Society)

 In the quotes above, we can observe that the personas are facing discrimination that affects their daily lives, as demonstrated by the three quotes above. The norm in society is for a person to be straight. As show in one of the quotes, LGBTQ+ people can’t show affection in public like straight people can. In society, men are held to a higher regard compared to women. Women are expected to be submissive and are below men. However, the privilege that men get can be a double-edged sword. As they are expected to be leaders who are strong, men are shunned from showing emotions. These experiences are something that marginalized groups often face.

Theme

 The main theme of the poems is gender and sexuality. We can see this theme playing a very significant role throughout all five  poems, especially in the quotes below:

“When the stork brings the boy, wrapped, of course, in boyish blue. There is not a single doubt about what the boy will do” – Stanza 1 (A Man is But a Coat)

“Don’t judge the gender, judge the person’s actions. Create love by understanding. Sexism is not the answer to all our problems and build trust to your partners. That are willing to accept you even if you’re gay, lesbian, straight, or bisexual. The power of equality is walking the straight line. – Line 7 to 11 (How Men Define Women in Society)

“What makes us, us? Is it our gender? Is it society? No, what makes us, what makes you, is ultimately your decision, and that’s something not even society can take away from you.” – Line 29 to 32 (A Poem about Gender Equality)

 From the three quotes above, we can observe that gender and sexuality is a recurring theme in all of the poems. The poems explicitly talk about how gender and sexuality are portrayed in society. This could possibly be done in order to demonstrate how people of certain a certain gender and different sexualities exist in society.

 The second theme is discrimination faced by marginalized groups in society. This theme is prevalent in the poems, as presented through the quotes below:

“Kissing my girlfriend in public without looking to see who’s around is a luxury I do not fully have yet." - Stanza 19, line 2 (Dear Straight People)

“Your opinion doesn’t matter because he will never take it into account” – Line 42 to 43 (How Men Define Women in Society)

 According to the quotes above, marginalized groups in society often face discrimination from society. The authors demonstrate that fact clearly in the poems. The personas in the poem do not enjoy the same privileges as those who are straight and male. A queer person can’t freely show affection towards their same-sex partner (the first quote), and women are to fulfil the roles given to them and act a certain way. A woman’s opinion, as shown in the quote from the poem ‘How Men Define Women in Society’, will never be taken seriously by men, who view themselves as superior to women.

Mood

 The first mood evident in most of the poems is frustration. Let’s take a look at the quotes below:

“Dear straight people, I’m tired of proving that my love is authentic. So I’m calling for reparations.” – Stanza 9 (Dear Straight People)

“Don’t walk with confidence because women will ‘never’ be equal.” – Line 17 to 18  (How Men Define Women in Society)

 From the quotes above, it is evident that the personas feel a sense of frustration. In the quote from the poem ‘How Men Define Women in Society’, it shows that the poet expresses her frustration through the poem by using quotations for the word ‘never’ to put an emphasis that the poet believes that equality will never be achieved in this society and in the foreseeable future. The persona in the quote from the poem ‘Dear Straight People’ talks about how she is tired of having to prove time and time again that her ‘love is authentic’. This quote in the poem is then followed by multiple questions to straight people which come off as accusing. The author does a great job demonstrating the persona’s frustration.

 The second mood evident in the poems is resignation. This can be observed  in the quote below:

“And though it will never fit, it will always guide his way.” – Stanza 6, line 3 to 4 (A Man is but a Coat)

 According to the quote above, the persona expresses his resignation over the fact that he will never be free from the coat. In the quote from the poem ‘A Man is But a Quote’, the phrase ‘it will always guide his way’ shows that the persona has accepted that he will never be free from the coat, which symbolizes his role as a man in society, and that he will continue to live that way for his whole life.

Craftsmanship

1) Structure

The number of stanzas vary from poem to poem. Most of the poems consist of 1 stanza. The poem with the longest number of stanzas is the poem Dear Straight People, with 20 stanzas.

2) Language

Assonance (vocal ‘o’): “We both have to educate children about safe sex and know how to respect each other”- Line 5 (The Point of View of Both Genders)

Imagery

1) Metaphor

"Who planned their angels of death in math class" - Stanza 15, line 3 (Dear Straight People)

‘Angels of death’ in the quote above is a metaphor for suicide. The pressure from facing discrimination causes a lot of LGBTQ+ youth to feel like they are alone and feel hopeless. The stress from these feelings can lead to suicide.

2) Symbolism

“When the stork brings the boy.” – Stanza 1, Line 1 (A Man is but a Coat)

 The stork in the quote represents the birth of a new baby; it shows that a baby was born and its sex is a boy.

3) Simile

“But I am not one who should be played like a puppet, much like the woman” – Line 23 (A Poem About Gender Inequality)

The word ‘like’ in the quote above is used to show similarity between a women who is played like a puppet.

Summary

Erasing my bisexuality

An essay I wrote for a class

12 December 2016

Erasing my Bisexuality

I am bisexual. This is one of my core beliefs. It is one of the things that make up my identity. I am Italian, I have blue eyes, and I am bisexual. This identity, this belief is constantly challenged whenever I tell anyone. It does not matter if the person I tell is gay or straight. They do not believe that I am truly attracted to both genders and I often have to “prove” that I am truly bisexual. They ask for proof in the form of a question: “How many people have you been with?”. By this they mean: how many men have I hooked up with and how many women? If the number of men is not equal to, or close to equal to the number of women then I usually get the response of “Well it seems like you are actually straight. You just hook up with women sometimes” (or I am actually gay, I just hook up with men sometimes). Or at the very least, I will get a look that says that the person does not believe me. When people doubt my identity it can make me question my own conviction. Can I really call myself bisexual if I have not hooked up with the same number of men and women? Can I really call myself bisexual if I have not had the same number of relationships with men and women? I have to remind myself that even a virgin can be bisexual. It does not matter who you have hooked up with. All that matters is who you are attracted to and only you can know that. If the disbelief only came from heterosexual people I could understand it better. Bisexuality is out of the norm. It is not something that straight people have to deal with on a daily basis. I also get the testing questions from people in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer (LGBTQ+) community. It is almost a way of asking, “Do you really belong with us?”. Bisexuality seems like the only identity that you have to prove when interacting with the LGBTQ+ community. All of the other identities; Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, Queer, Asexual, Pansexual, Demisexual, Ally, Questioning, ect.; are taken at face value. Part of the reason for this is something called “passing privilege”. Passing privilege is when a queer person can “pass” as a heterosexual person. As a bisexual woman I have passing privilege when I date a men. Now I must prove my bisexuality to you. At eight years old, I had a crush on a boy at my school. We would play during recess and I found myself wanting to always be around him and I wanted to hold his hand. When you are young your desire for intimacy can be very innocent. Around one year later I developed a crush on a girl in my class. I did not realize what it was at first. I caught myself looking at her when we changed for PE class. At the time I believed that I did what everyone does during puberty: checking to make sure that everyone else’s bodies developed the same way as mine did. I caught several other girls checking each other out as well. The feelings I had towards her began to morph into the same feelings I had towards the boy. My crush on him was still going strong. I realized that I wanted to hold hands and cuddle with her and rest my head on her chest; The same way that I wanted to do those things with him. I had no idea what to do with this realization. We had never been taught about same sex attraction and I did not know that same sex attraction existed. I did not learn what “gay” was until years later. I was 13 years old when I first had “gay” described to me. I worked at a Boy Scout camp and the boys made fun of each other by calling each other gay and pretending to hump each other from behind. This was my introduction to the LGBTQ+ terminology. When I got home after six weeks at Boy Scout camp I went on the computer and looked up the word “gay”. Subsequently, I discovered the word “lesbian”. I remember thinking, “I have those feelings, but I like boys too. I don’t know what I am”. When I began high school, I found out about the gay, straight alliance (GSA) in my sophomore year. I started going and it was there that I learned about the identities other gay, straight, and lesbian. I began openly identifying as bisexual when I was 16 years old. I came out after two of my female said that they identified as bisexual and one of male friends had come out as gay. While I had come out to my friends, I remained closeted with my family. I am the oldest of three girls. I have a mother and a father. I also have a Mormon uncle, aunt, grandmother, and grandfather. When I started talking about the LGBTQ+ stuff at home, my mother went on a long rant, and my middle sister agreed. Because of this, only my youngest sister and father know about my bisexuality. My father accepted it (grudgingly) outright, but my youngest sister had questions. “What is it? How do you know? Have you ever done anything sexual with a girl?”. At this point I was a complete virgin, so I answered the last question with, “No. And I have haven’t done anything sexual with a boy either”. She seemed satisfied with this answer. I graduated high school and moved on to college. Once I arrived at CSUN, I started going to LGBTQA, the LGBTQ+ club on campus, meetings. At my first club meeting I announced myself as bisexual during the introductions (state your name, preferred gender pronouns, orientation, and favorite color) and noticed that I was one of only two people who identified as bisexual. The rest identified as gay, lesbian, ally, or transgender. During that meeting I discovered that I would have to prove my bisexuality to everyone. The introductions ended and people had some time to mingle. Each person who came up to me would say the same thing: “You identify as bisexual? Really? How many partners have you had? Do you have a partner now? Is your partner male or female? How can you say you identify as bisexual if your partner is a guy? Have you dated girls too? How many? For how long?”. It was an endless stream of questions. All doubtful. All seemingly designed to trip me up and make me admit that I was not really bisexual. I was really gay and dating a guy as cover so my parents would not find out. I was really straight and just pretending to have an attraction to women in order to fit with the other club members. It made me sad to realize that I had to justify myself not only to the heterosexual community, but in the LGBTQ+ community as well. It took them a couple of months, but they seemed to finally accept me as bisexual. I was careful to compliment and flirt with boys and girls equally. The questioning became so constant and expected that I always had a list of answers ready when I decided to reveal my bisexual identity. The list consisted of statistics. How many men I have dated, how many women I have dated, how many men I have hooked up with, how many women I have hooked up with, and how long each relationship lasted. Sometimes my exhaustion overwhelms me and I decide not to disclose my bisexuality. Instead I say that I identify as a straight ally. Other times I carefully avoid gender pronouns when talking about my partner in order to avoid sharing my sexual identity. I generally do this when I fear that the person I talk to will judge me or stop talking to me when they find out that I identify as a bisexual woman who currently dates a man. Due to my experiences dealing with disbelief and how being doubted always made me feel invalid, I make sure to always believe someone when they tell me their identity. I do not question them. I just say, "OK" and we move on.