#im losing my fucking MIND out here it seems
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i miss my babygirl (i do not have the attention span to watch his tv show)
#i miss the Ideal Crosscanon babygirl i WILL have once i have read mdzs and probably watched the anime or something#and formed all my undoubtedly very strong opinions about what the best version of each set of events and characterization is#and like victor frankenstein constructed Gods Perfect Blorbo out of all my favorite body parts i found in a dumpster#but i havent invented him yet and i wont be able to until i know what fucking HAPPENS and i wont know what fucking happens#until i either pass or commit to failing my exams#committing to fail them would be faster but (grinds teeth) im not going to do that so i just sit here and yearn fumingly#my boy he is in the trash can... and i do not even have the energy to get him.... hes just got to wait in there. looking sad#dot txt#im losing my fucking MIND out here it seems
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some ccs are just straight up nuts there’s no other explanation
#saw a comment on r/dwt2 and it made me look into the moonzy/draggie situation#this freak accused him of having ‘grooming tendencies’ when he was YOUNGER than her#he showed all their DMs and it was just reciprocated flirting ??#he was initiated more but it seemed reciprocal to me?#she just got mad at him bc he replied to one of her tweets where she was flirting with Karl with ‘ouch’#<- replied in DMs I mean#I guess bc she thought the flirting was a joke ??#how is this an ‘experience’ you need to speak up about im loosing my mind#‘guy flirted with me I flirted back but I wasn’t really interested pls show ur sympathies and like and subscribe🥺’#and in her statement she was talking about an anon who came out about their experiences prior#saying they had been groomed but draggie had fully debunked that years ago#so idk why she was bringing that up ??#and ofc you have aim.sey and max and sniff in the replies with their heart emojis#straight up nuts I’m losing brain cells here#btw she’s the one who said something about how a lot of ccs didn’t support her#including big ones from that ‘stupid mine.craft server’ (meaning dsmp obv)#just nuts straight up nuts#negativity#like I have to be missing something (and if I am pls tell me but I don’t think I am???)#because saying this cringe flirting with someone YOUNGER THAN YOUUU is ‘groomer tendencies’ is fucking nuts#it’s just what is with these people like what’s wrong with them#why does mildly uncomfortable experience = horrible predator we need to inform the public about bc they’re a danger to society#sorry I’m done I’m just actually upset lol
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In these days i realized i like art and writing and creating and shopping and taking walks and talking to people and cleaning and helping and studying and doing things but i'm just. too stressed, tired and burned out to do them. How great!
#i am losing my sanity day by day#drowning myself in the nearby lake seems better and better every day#why am i even writing this i have literally no mutuals or even people who'd care about#don't mind me crying myself to sleep haha#ooooh look at this pathetic baby. sitting in their little bed crying stupid tears. i should at least get tissues now while my crying isn't#fuck history fuck school and fuck me i quess#am i gonna start treating this as an actual blog and make a sideblog for reblogs? who knows! certainly not me; stay tuned for the story!#i'm gonna go and just let it all out into a pillow#vent ig#my mom is blasting holiday music in the other room lol#nice to have a whatever the fuck im having while “jingle bells” plays#at least i'm not hearing mariah carey ig#anyway i've probably hadn't been taking care of myself lately it has been worse despite me promoting it to everyone who needs#when i vented last time and it wasn't taken seriously so woop#anyway imma go try to calm myself and back to my notes i go#please gods what did i do to deserve thi s shit. fuck you#i hate it here i really do. i hate when these people talk to me i hate them. i at least can be sorta accquaitances with one but they just.#all stare and laugh? i actually can't. like i'm some fucking clown and laughing stock. just kill me at this point. i have been enduring this#for YEARS and suddenly i'm being a little bitch about it?? what the fuck. why am i so mushy all of a sudden. being shown an ounce of respect#and care made me expect it more? fuck#i'm just setting myself up for failure. i am just a giant loser and failure of a person.#everything seems so fucking hard. and pointless. i am tearing my rotten little heart apart with this. i am once again grieving things#long ago and things i never had. my everything has to be pleasing to an outsider#my value is my suffering. am i breaking enough? is this beautiful to look at#at my self destruction? i hate myself. i treat others so cruelly. i am a horrible fucking person.#my problems are not their burden - i forced it on them. wept like a baby because she left me. and what happened in the end? my paranoia got#to me. i left them. i fucking. i fid the thing i was afraid of being done to me.#this is showing so many issues.#so many things wrong with me. i shouldn't even be alive by this point - i wasn't supposed to survive past 12#i am being forced to do this every day. someone please just end my fu king suffering
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2 hours zoned out catering prep while listening to trigun OST. 5 hours of stress stress stress stress becoming a bundle of nerves winding tighter and tighter and tighter until it begs for a release of Some kind, any kind, anything that would make the constant stream of customers and drinks and noise just STOP-
Then 1 hour, long hour, but calm hour, listening to trigun OST again and dealing with the aftermath. It did wonders for keeping me from biting my own arm off, but it still took. So long. Even with the help of my boss and the manager coming back from her catering thing, it still took about 20 mins over the hour (1 hr 20 mins when it usually takes 30 ish mins)
This was not a good day for me.
#speculation nation#im still in the storage room bc i was. reading. trying to chill.#the first two hours i was running full speed with the hopes that id be able to putter out and go half speed again#but by the fourth hour i knew that wasnt going to happen. and that's when i started losing myself.#around hour 1.5 i hurt my own hand slamming it against the ice machine. already bruising shortly after.#and i did not regret it because it gave me smth to focus on. bc i was going to lose my mind with the endless stress of it all.#around hour 3 i hit my hand in the same exact spot on the ice bin. sharp spot. it's taken many bits of my blood over the years#this time was an accident though. a cut is less fun than a bruise. especially when layered :/#im going to be here again in less than 12 hours. and i Hope it will only be for the 5 hours im scheduled#today was supposed to be about 5.5 hr long but i was working for over 8. by my own choice i guess#but had i known how fucking hellish this shift would be maybe i wouldnt have taken up the catering order after all#too late now. it's already done.#real shoutout to the employee tho. the mpv of the night. seemed remarkably calm in comparison to me#it's hard for me to break under stress at work. but the continuous nature of tonight got to me.#at least i have food at home. i think im going to be kind to myself tonight.#negative/#self harm ment/
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✩ ˛˚ . GOJO SATORU — sometimes your boyfriend’s want for you just seems to be insatiable.
ஜ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ warnings! f!reader, mating press, breeding, biting, he loses control of his technique a teeny tiny bit at the end, im going absolutely insane. ♡ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ note! hiii this is a lil mix of my gojo thoughts over the past few months, my sanity is slipping as u can tell <3
the way gojo satoru was in bed was exactly how he was in real life, absolutely merciless when he wanted to be, you realise with the dizzy haze in your mind and the pillow he’s shoved under your hips. there’s a pleasurable burn in your thighs where he’s got them folded into you, your ankles dangling by his ears as his hips press into your ass and the way he looks over you is needy, and a little wild.
but he only really got like this on on a few occasions, like after a gruelling mission, a boring mountain of paperwork or maybe you’d been teasing him. sometimes he’s just consumed by the idea of you carrying his kids— he’s so incredibly insatiable.
“you feel me right here, sweet thing, hm?” the snowy haired man above you hisses with a languid roll of his hips, deliberately pressing into the sweet spots inside of you that he always seems to be able to find so easily. but you can barely breathe, nevermind answer with how full you feel — your warm walls twitching around his heavy shaft before he’s giving you a few more thrusts.
“don’t hold out on me, it feels good, right?” gojo goads, chuckles when the next particularly deep kiss of his cock along your insides has your lips parting to moan, eyes squeezing shut as you wriggle underneath him.
“‘ts too deep, satoru! fuck—“ you manage, voice breaking under the weight of your own arousal but shit— he loves you like this. pliant and pretty and all his. you’re basically begging for him to give you his soul, to pour it into your body and your bones until you’re twitching— his stamina was limitless after all, an endless pool of energy.
“oh? but i’m sure you can take more..” gojo’s words are a low drawl as he curls over your folded figure, making your muscles scream for some sort of relief but he still manages to give you more. he begins a pace that’s so deep, so animalistic that you feel like you could black out with the way the pleasure rips through you, making your body clap against his as his balls smack loudly against your ass and suddenly he’s even deeper.
“see, i knew it.” it’s smug despite the the trembling undercurrent to his tone, breaking under the weight of his own arousal as his voice takes an octave higher. but you’re doing so well for him, your eyes are rolled back— lips parted and you’re basically begging for him to go harder when he leans into press his lips against yours, pushing his name between your lips as your hands grab at him for any sort of relief.
“almost there, right?” gojo groans against you with the next quiver of your walls; the next particularly heavy thrust makes your thighs tremble and he’s so deep it almost hurts, making something spark and burn along your inside as he fucks you into the mattress like a wild animal.
you whimper, barely— it’s a desperately pathetic little sound, wound up tight and it makes him pull away to look at you, crystalline eyes cloudy with lust before his lips are stretching into a smirk.
“oh, more?” gojo’s head cocks to the side and you know you’re done for when his pace picks up, every heavy thrust is driven by the muscles in his body and your pussy squelches loudly with every wet connection of his hips.
“oh, i’ll give you more, baby. so greedy f’ me, hm?” despite his teasing, he’s babbling— sweat beading along his skin as the snowy peaks of his hair frame his flushed features and fuck, the pretty sight above you only makes you feel even better. you’re so high off his desperation, every muscle in your body screams under his but the nerves in your body cry even louder with how good you feel— with how much your body craves him.
“‘ts so tight, you milkin’ me, sweet girl? how many you want, huh? give you as many as you need. wanna see you swollen f’ me, you want that, mhm?” gojo’s barely coherent but his words only make you squeeze around him tighter— a silent little invitation as every thrust has you crying more, more, more! satoru, want your cum—please! punched out little gasps and cries as he digs the orgasm out of you.
“oh, you’ll look so pretty f’ me—f-fuck!” his huge body is looming over yours, pressing you into the mattress and the pillows beneath you. your thighs are flush against his abdomen and chest, and your lungs feel like they quake on every exhale as your lips part to moan. he presses himself into you— face nuzzling into the crook of your neck as he grazes his teeth along the skin there, headboard screeching loudly in time with every smack of his hips.
“‘toru, please please please—‘m g’nna,” you tremble as you shake beneath gojo, thighs tensing tight against his body and he knows he’s got you exactly where he wants you as he smirks against your skin. your orgasm hits you so suddenly, so hard and good that your toes curl where they hang over his shoulders, your body stiffening beneath him and the first milking compression of your pussy makes his pace stutter, hugs him so tight he can’t help but bite so hard into the sensitive skin of your neck he draws blood.
“should see h-how pretty you look like this. tell me ‘ts all mine, y’ gonna make me a daddy, yeah? g’nna fill you up so good. oh, this pussy’s made f’ me, ain’t it?”
his body trembles as he pulls back slightly to watch your cream pool around the base of his cock, your slick smeared along his skin and your walls still throb with every unforgiving push of his hips. your orgasm feels like it stretches on forever as you gasp out broken yeah, yours, love you so much ‘toru, waves rolling through your body with the heat you feel pour and sting along your nerves. it only takes a few more clapping thrusts and your choked confessions before hes kissing you, just as he likes as his lips curl into you.
gojo cums hard, thick and heavy inside of you when he feels your tongue push against his, swallowing both of your groans into the kiss as he pushes his load into your puffy cunt. you’re both so lost in bliss, so unaware of the electricity across your boyfriends skin and the uncomfortable pressure that seems to suddenly weigh down on your intertwined bodies.
the bedroom light flickers but you don’t notice, he’s slurring curses against your lips as he almost pins your thighs to your chest completely, the air between you seems tighter— atoms trembling in the finate space. but he’s continuing to fuck into your sensitive pussy with tiny little thrusts you don’t notice the creek of your furniture as it twitches out of place— like it’s being pulled towards you both. the small flickers of purple fizzle out when you’re both spent and he’s collapsing on top of you with a low, breathy chuckle, making you whine with the cramp you feel in your body.
“‘toru! you’re heavy.” you grumble, voice worn and scratchy but it doesn’t move gojo as he cuddles deeper into you, leaving sweet little kisses along your skin with obnoxious kissy noises— a stark contrast to how filthy he was being a second ago.
you’re both breathing deep as you give up trying to escape from underneath him, opting to press your fingers through his damp hair instead before he finally moves. he pulls back, enough for his cock to push his cum out of your pussy as he does, squelching and dripping into the mattress beneath you both as you jolt slightly. “careful, ‘ts messy, ‘toru.”
gojo whistles lowly before he looks at you again, one of your legs still haphazardly thrown over his shoulder before he’s placing a sweet kiss to your ankle, then following it up with a painfully languid, experimental thrust as his crystalline eyes focus on the mess he’s made of you.
“come on, sweet girl. you’re not nearly full enough f’ me yet.”
© 2023 GAROUJO. please do not copy any of my layouts or writing and translate or repost onto any other sites.
#݁ . ࿓ : sealed#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#gojo x reader#gojo smut#gojo x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru smut#gojo satoru x you
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candy, you're like a drug (m) | sim jaeyun.
PREVIEW. where jake teaches you how to blow him behind the bleachers just before his soccer practice, unable to resist the charm of you in a cheerleader outfit. well it's not like he has to resist you anymore, you are finally officially his girl.
FEATURING. simp sim jaeyun(jake) with his obsession fem!reader(candy) from WATERMELON SUGAR . . this can absolutely be read as a standalone but i would still suggest giving the full fic a read, if you like this.
WORD COUNT. 3140 edited but don't come at me.
WARNINGS. SMUT MDNI!!!!! blowjob obviously, face fucking, dacryphilia, corruption kink, handjob, reader's a crybaby kinda, pussy rubbing but brief, mentions of eating pussy, voyeurism slightly, jake's mind is literally a museum of dirty thoughts about you. he's way too obsessed with you, he swears a lot and cums a lot, hand in hand. jake is real sweet trust. psst! sunghoon thrid wheeling oh. and that's all i think? idk if it's good i hope y'all like it!
★ YEONIE NOTES. this took so long im sorry guys, pls enjoy and leave comments and feedback i'd love to know your thoughts and yes im still open to doing more drabbles for them!
cheerleader… not a bad idea, you could definitely make use of it
“oh my god candy, you're gonna be the death of me!” jake pulls you away, dragging you to the back of the bleachers, his cock already rock hard and throbbing with need.
“don't you like it? i thought cheerleaders dressed like this,” you pout at him, fiddling with the ends of the literally shortest skirt of your closet.
“i love it baby, but you can't just show up to practice like that, how am i gonna be able to concentrate when all i can think of you is fucking you,” he groans scanning over your figure again and again, it's like you brought out a hidden desire he didn't even know he had. he'd win every game for you if you were to cheer by the stands like this, the adrenaline of getting to ruin your perfect outfit and your perfect makeup after, putting him on a winning streak.
“teach me to suck you off,” jake loses his mind when you get down on your knees, pushing your hair out of the way and looking up at him through your lashes, doe eyes driving him crazy.
“shit baby, i will,” oh he's so going to corrupt you.
“let me just put this down f’ you,” taking off his varsity jacket immediately, he spreads two fold on the ground, pressing his hands on it to make sure it's cushioned enough for you. being glad of the fact that he hadn't taken the jacket off for the practice before you came to give him the surprise.
. .
“you okay baby? do your knees hurt too much?” he asks once it settles in that you are doing this here and right now. heart pounding against his ribs so hard, he feels it ringing in his ears. his eyes cast down to the place your knees meet the rough ground and he internally grimaces and scolds himself for letting your soft skin scrap against dirt like this.
you smile sweetly at his actions, moving onto the jacket and letting your knees rub against the same cloth you watched him wash just yesterday. his precious jacket that he always took extra care of.
“so? how do i do it?” jake’s eyes quiver, orbs darkening as the lust takes over. blood rushing down quick at the dirty insinuation behind the innocent words that leave your mouth. drunk on the way you already seem so into it.
“take it out first,” he tries not to falter and just moan his heart out when you already jump at pulling his pants and boxers down before he's even finished speaking. holding his breath while he watches you watch his cock slap against his lower abs and then reach out to gently grasp it. mouth instinctively slacking open when he twitches in your grip and slowly bringing him close. a wet smooch at the tip that makes his whole body shudder and release a thick glob of precum, confusing you if he just came, your eyes instantly shooting up to look at him to which he just nods his head telling you to go on. put it in your mouth. his gaze speaks, air dense with anticipation.
“go on baby— fuckkkkk oh god,” fuck fuck fuck, it feels way too good, cock laying heavy against your hot tongue, the softness of your mouth inside feeling like a tight pouch of warmth engulfing him in the most pleasurable way possible.
“just s-suck on it like your lollies,” jake groans, uttering the words through his clenched teeth. just a minute into you trying to give him head and he already feels like busting a nut. god how long has he dreamt of this exact moment and how many times. how many dreadful nights of fisting his cock imagining it was your tiny warm mouth around him, sucking him hard and sloppy like you do with those watermelon lollipops all the damn time in front of him. those torturing times, oh he can't believe he survived it to actually know what it feels like to be inside your mouth.
his hair sticks to his forehead, feeling the sweat drip as he breathed hard with every experimental suck. hands reaching down to push the strands of hair that fall forwards away from your face. thumb caressing your the skin under your eyes as you look up and into his brown orbs. holding eye contact with a dazed doe look that drives him crazy. the touch of your small hands stroking what you can't seemingly fit inside, lips always coming back to suck on his tip, like slurping dripping candy. he felt crazed, insane, and lunatic for still craving so much more of you.
“yeah fuck candy, just like that,” he pants, head tilting back as he gasps for air, everything around him tuning out at the realization of having you on your knees for him.
“shit!” the sudden feeling of you gagging around him after trying to take him all in makes jake jerk forward in a shudder.
it doesn't take him another second to decide that, that's it. he can't control himself anymore and absolutely needs to fuck your mouth, push so deep into your throat it leaves the imprints of his cock and make you so cock drunk all you ever think about when you gulp is him him and just him.
“push my thighs if gets too much—” one of his hands thread into your hair in a makeshift half pony to hold your head firmly and the other squeezing below his tip hard to hold himself from nutting before he gets to the real thing, wanting to drag this out even though he knows sooner or later someone will come searching for him, noticing the quaterback’s absence the moment one pays a tad bit of attention.
jake has never been the one to skip practice and especially not for something indecent like this. being late is not in his veins and keeping his varsity duffle bag at the stark front of the bleachers; his all time habit, always eager to make his presence and determination known. so the fact that he can't be spotted anywhere in the field with his bag resting exactly where it is every time, is more than enough of a reason to have the whole team searching around for him. however, in all honesty, you being an exception to all of jake's rules(as it has always been) all he hopes for is not being caught no matter how much the thought of it arouses him. he can't let people see this pretty you. wanting to gatekeep you to the very last bits. hence, this blowjob is way more important, and practice and his team can just wait a few extra minutes.
he starts off slow at first, thrusting careful and steady, to let you adjust to it. ten, nine, eleven, eleven, trying to count sheep in his head not to lose his cool too quick. shit shit shit, it's okay, it's all good.
it works for a while, even if his counting is fucked over like him, it works for a short fleeting while. maybe a minute or two or three, he has no idea but it's too brief of a time to be called as holding back.
he takes one look at you. just one look, at the way you already seem to be struggling, drooling all around him with your doe eyes all wide and teary, a few drops slipping out with each thrust of him. you are a crybaby for sure and maybe it would've annoyed him if it were someone else but come on it's you. he already imagined you to be a crybaby and god did it turn him on beyond expectation, though he didn't think you'd actually be one, and he definitely never thought he'd love it so so much when you cried for him. eyelashes wet and batting at him, doing whatever it takes to keep your eyes open and trained on him.
if he knew it was because the first time you fucked, he asked you to keep your eyes on him and you thought he liked it when you did it, hence forcing your hooded eyes to stay on him right now.. jake would lose his mind into the depths of hell and into the sins of lust.
the whimper you let out when his cock hits the back of your throat makes him buck his hips forward once, and at realization of how you're struggling and yet not pushing him away because you want it just as much as him, his grip on your head tightens before he starts thrusting frantically like a madman. albeit, at the back of his subconscious he's still holding back, knowing you're not yet ready to handle his true lost self.
“i swear, you're trying to kill me,” his voice strains with the amount of moans and groans he held back all time to make sure people don't find him.
back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. jake's hips fall into a rhythm of their own as he swears out all the curses known to mankind at the back of his mind. feeling so good, it makes him question if all the sex he had until you was actually some real sex or just some otome simulation he played.
there's no way something as simple as this and something where he has to be sane enough to hold his demons in check could feel so damn ecstatic.
his eyes shut tight at the feeling of his orgasm creeping in quick. not wanting to overwhelm you by coming deep inside your throat, yet not being able to stop the frenzied thrusts: desperate and erratic. fucking you had him fighting demons but having your mouth on him also has him fight demons, though a level lower, but feeling like his life would be sucked out of him.
and if there's anyone who he'd actually let sucking his life out of him, it'd be you. one whine of his name and he'll fold to give you his cock anytime and anywhere.
“fuck candy, ‘m so close,” jake's strokes falter into sloppy movements when you suck in your lips to squeeze him tighter showing no signs of pushing at his thighs and just letting him hold your head in place and use you as he pleases.
just as he feels the first twinge of coming undone, jake quite literally forces himself out, gritting his teeth and holding his breath as he pulls away mumbling out a rough fuck while staggering in his steps.
“jerk me off, wanna finish on your face, wan to paint your pretty little cheeks and your cute little tongue with my cum,” he mutters, guiding one of your hands to his cock as one of his own moves to hold your jaw and squeeze your cheeks to keep your mouth open. thumb rubbing against your lower lips while he bites his own at your hands returning to stroke him like you did before. brows furrowing and heart thumping loud as his orgasm builds up again.
he's gonna cum so much and jake knows because it starts to hurt. and like the masochist he is, he heightens it by bringing his other hand to hold his cock over your small slick ones,”twist it like this under the head,” he says squeezing and moving his hands in twists to show you just how he likes it. and lord do you get it so well, twisting harshly just under the head like he said and then pulling at it. it's honestly a mysery to jake how he's lasted this long and not just cum in the first two minutes of you touching him. perhaps his experience comes to some use, but then even his experience can't help him from nutting in just merely twenty minutes. the time he so struggled to calculate just a couple seconds before he lets the pleasure take over and the hot spurts of cum shoot out on your tongue and all over your face.
“mhmmm fuck baby fuckkkk—” jake hisses, biting down on his lips hard as his whole body spasms with pleasure, ropes of cum spilling out the tip, pushing his hips in quick thrusts into your fist.
and even though jake has perhaps sworn a million times that he's not a voyeur, that he does not feel his entire being ascending into the holy sins at the prospect of being watched with you, especially anyone besides him, watching you, he swears he has sworn on it a good damn gazallion times. yet when he spots a boggled and overwhelmed sunghoon, gaping and gawking in the corner, the intrigue and hunger in his obscure gaze evident along with his obvious boner; jake feels a second orgasm coaxed out of him in another spurt of cum that lands directly on that spot on your lips he loves to rub his fingers over.
fuck. that's all jake can think of watching sunghoon realize he was caught and immediately rushing off. since when was that prick watching? he better not have gotten a look at your teary eyes and heard the little whines you let out.
he doesn't let it bother him too long though, he'll deal with it when he gets back to the field.
what he now wants to focus on is you and only you.
running his thumb over the splashes of cum and smearing them on your lips, inserting his fingers into your mouth and telling you to suck before he's pulling you up by your waist and holding you tight against him. his cock rubs against the fabric of your skirt, twitching with sensitivity at the touch but he pays it no mind. his own lips hovering over yours as he speaks in a whisper,”are you okay? did i hurt you somewhere?”
you shake your head in denial and jake heaves a sigh of relief, proceeding to tame your hair back to how it was before. palms caressing your head softly, and fingers threading through the strands all gentle and slow. not wanting this moment with you to end. his lips lock with yours in the midst of it as his hands fall down to your waist again. kissing with so much fervor and desperation, it makes you rub your thighs together to get some kind of a friction. and jake notices it for his hand had moved to play with the ends of your short skirt, knuckles loosely brushing against the back of your thighs that fidgeted every time he sucked on your tongue or nibbled on your lips.
“oh, my baby seems bothered,” pulling away to whisper it against your lips that chase his own for more.
“what do you want? tell me and i’ll give it to you,” jake grins, watching you struggle out of embarrassment,”come on candy, use your words,” it's so cute, should he just touch you or should he take his time cooing at your fumbling self.
“w- want yo—”
“well since you aren't gonna say it,” he picks up his jacket from the ground and brings it up to your face to wipe off his cum from your cheeks. pushing against the plump of your skin to make your lips pout out and one of your eyes close.
“want you to touch me too,” you whine.
“where baby? you gotta tell me,” he teased further, booping your nose before putting his jacket back on him.
“here,” jake’s breath hitches when you guide his hand down to touch you over your panties, the fabric so damn wet you might as well have cum untouched. the prospect of that being true turns him on beyond what's humanely possible. you cumming untouched while he fucked your mouth, god the thought of it makes him crazy. but thinking back on how sunghoon wandered in, it's better to leave it at this for now. can't have more people getting the opportunity to see you.
“here? my baby wants me to touch her pussy?” there's so much more he wants to say, but he knows if he says it now there's no way he won't be getting rock hard again and completely ditching practice.
his fingers press hard into your folds while he rubs around, his other hand squeezing your ass and his face buried in your neck, inhaling the scent of your shampoo as he bites and nibbles on the skin there.
“i’m sorry candy, but you'll have to wait until after practice. want to take my time eating you out. want to make you cum at least three times,” and make you squirt, he wants to add but man does the thought of it make his dick twitch, speaking it out loud would just make him squirt a pump of cum.
he slips his fingers inside to gather your wetness, sliding two fingers between your folds before taking it out and putting them into his mouth,"fuck, love the way you taste,”he groans. his favorite candy in the world. his drug, candy.
jake spends another minute rubbing you over your slick panties and letting his other hand on your ass move all over and grope you wherever he can. he makes sure it's just enough to have you craving his touch the entire time you wait. feeling jealous over the thought that having you wait for him by the bleachers would give sunghoon a view of you too. and knowing his friend, he probably won't have any innocent thoughts about you after what he walked into.
“come on now let's go,” it takes a great deal of self constraint for jake to pull away but alas it will only be fruitful once he gets through practice and has all the time in the world to pleasure you.
he helps you fix your appearance and dusts off his jacket and pulls up his pants before he leads you back out into the field where everyone waited for him.
“wait for me here,” he says, bringing you to his bag where he takes off his ‘thisisneverthat’ shirt to put on his jersey with a smug grin lacing his lips. placing his jacket on your lap to cover your pretty legs, if he could he would just burrito you with a blanket and th— no sim that's creepy.
“I'll be back before you know it,” bending down to place a chaste kiss on lips and forehead, he promises. jogging away to the middle of the field and taking his position beside sunghoon. it feels like there's a spark of tension between them from what you catch, but perhaps you're just thinking too much, they're good friends aren't they?
TAGLIST. @s00buwu @lilyuwon @pockyyasii @nctislifue @jaklvbub @kwiwin @brachives @jayhoonvroom @haelahoops @aaa-sia @lovingvoidgoatee @txtlyn @jakehooni @mnxnii @rikisly @notevenheretbh1 @yunjinsbbg @pjsfvs @yizhoutv @enhyven @capri-cuntz @heeseungsbabyy @aishigrey @wooziswife @citylightsdoll @yeonzzzn @istphanie @chaewonshoney @cha0thicpisces @laurradoesloveu @bambammtori @wonsbaer @ayyysweetcreature
#NASTY JAKE MAKES A COMEBACK!#enhypen smut#enhypen imagines#k-labels#enhypen jake smut#jake smut#enhypen jake imagines#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#WATERMELON-SUGAR:CONTINUED#enhypen scenarios#enhypen drabbles
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GIRLLLL THAT BROTHER!GHOST X LIL SISTER!READER IS SO YUMMYYY😻😻
You already know imma ask for more👀 but i’ll let you surprise me, you can write whatever as long as Ghost is readers brother and i mean WHATEVER
you never disappoint youre gonna eat up every time u write 🤞🏻🤞🏻
You’re giving me FAR too much credit here 😳
Protect
Cw: physical abuse, drunk/high, mention of child abuse, tell me if I missed any.
“The fucks your problem?!”
Ghost stood between you and the man, his chest pushed out and shoulders braced to seem bigger, wider than he already was —a tactic to scare off the man who dared to put his hand on you
“You are my fucking problem,” Ghost spat, eyes narrowed and lips pulled into a deep scowl underneath his balaclava, his warm brow turned cold as I hell had frozen over with he coldest winter ever.
You let out a shuddered breath, cheek pulsing with stinging pain from being struck. You clung to Ghost, fingers digging into the soft and old texture of his hoodie, you hid behind him, his broad shoulder and wide stance protected you from the vile bastard’s view. You had one too many drinks, losing yourself somewhere around the last few pints and suddenly finding yourself in a dark corner of the street fighting off a man who didn’t understand that a no meant a hard no.
You were lucky Simon had found you before he took it a step further, mind too drunk and body too sluggish to lift a hand and defend yourself. He might’ve heard your yelp and cry for him, whimpering out his name for help when you help your swollen cheek and bleeding lip. He rushed to your side without a second thought, pushing the man away from you with a hard shove.
“Find your own bitch!” The man smelled drunk, the pungent odour of booze blowing off of him in waves and his eyes dilated with a slurred speech but erratic and unpredictable mind, he wasn’t only drunk, he was probably high as well, “I was here first!”
“She’s not an object, you fucking bloke,” Ghost hissed, fist closing tightly with little self-control left to stop himself from decking the bastard for calling you a bitch, his sweet, precious sister being touched by a man like him. “When she says no, it bloody means no.”
Ghost took a step forward, his hulking figure seeming bigger than nature in the darkness of the alley, glaring down at the high and drunk man that dared to approach you. Even with an inebriated conscience, he knew when he was outmatched, yelping and backing away in fright, eyes wide and brows risen high.
“Sod off,” he sent him a curt nod, his chin pointing outwards, down to the alley’s entrance.
Once the man was off, stumbling away and tripping on air, Simon turned to you, arms pulling you to his chest, cradling your pained cheeks and trembling body. You shook, tremor wreaking your body as you whispered his name, body and mind still numb from being hit, it reminded you of before, when you were still a kid, hiding behind Simon for protection against you father.
He whispered sweet, comforting words, calling your name in the softest tone he had, featherlight and loving, hand climbing to wipe away the stray tears from your cheeks and made you look at him, into his calm and warm eyes. They were the warmest chocolate brown you ever knew, the right shade that made you melt in his arms, tuning out the world for him, the man who’s protected you all your life.
“There you go,” he mumbled, a smile stretching the corners of his lips, his eyes crinkling and eyes gleam confidently when you gave him a gentle nod, tentatively smiling back at him, “That’s the (Name) I know.”
“It hurts, Si,” you pouted, one hand holding his against your cheek, the one left untouched from the man.
“I know, I know,” he cooed, bowing to press a kiss on your nose, unwilling to let you go. “Let’s get you home and treated, yeah?”
Taglist: @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @tallmanlover @distracteddragoness @vxnilla-hxrddrugs @konigsblog @havoc973 @im-making-an-effort @daisychainsinknots
#x reader#simon ghost riley#cod mw2#cod mw2 x reader#ghost mw2#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#mw2 ghost#ghost#mw2 ghost x reader#ghost x reader#ghost x you#simon x reader#simon ghost riley fanfiction#ghost simon riley#simon riley#Big brother!ghost#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley fanfic#cod simon ghost riley#simon ghost x reader#mw2 x reader#mw2 x you
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hi !! could i request an alastor x bunny!reader where the reader is like an idol overlord ? also the reader is a major bimbo :3c could be nsfw as well !! ty !!!! ur writing is amazing !!! <3
⁺˳✧༚ ˚ 𝒷𝒾𝓂𝒷𝑜 𝒷𝓊𝓃𝓃𝓎 ｡୨୧˚
— 𝜗𝜚 alastor x f!reader
ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 summary : you may be a very established overlord but alastor will always protect his bunny, especially after her shows, especially when she’s in heat. nsfw. violence. murder. its alastor here. soft dom alastor. finger sucking. tentacles… shh. praise.
“lay a finger on her pretty little head and i’ll rip yours off before you can take your next breath.” alastors static spat at an overly touchy low status overlord who thought it a good idea to try and grope his bunny backstage in front of all her closest, most powerful friends, just as she came into heat. his very underdressed bunny who was extremely vulnerable right now. what an idiot.
your show had just finished and your suppressants were wearing off, skin sticky and sweet with the glazing of sweat. you were so dizzy and losing coherent thought, the only thing on your mind was alastor and his comfort, his scent. “al,” you whined, ignoring the other man in front of you and his attempts to touch you. alastor twitched in frustration at the need in your voice.
“come on baby, you don’t go dressing like that unless you want somebody to touch you!” the overlord slurred, disregarding alastor and being unrelenting. his sleazy form lingering around you. it’s surprising he’s still breathing with the look on your partners face but he has far more important things to consider. you.
a soft, ‘fuck you,’ came from your lips in the direction of the scum, glaring at him, you could tell that annoyed the overlord.
the man gritted his teeth, fear of alastor apparently still not sinking in, “little bimbo, you better watch your mouth,” he sneered.
you looked down at your appearance and huffed, “you’re just mad that someone half your size in a tiny skirt is more powerful than you.” you snap triggering a proud smile coming across alastor’s face and rosie too from what you could see over his shoulder.
“coming from a little bunny getting bested by her heat,” the man got closer to you, your hand squeezing alastor’s thigh tight to let him know you didn’t need him yet, “one pump of my fingers and i’d have you leaving this asshole in seconds.”
the rest of the overlords watched in anticipation, not intervening, not because they didn't want to but because they knew alastor had this under control.
“i suggest, dearie, that you get out of here whilst you still can before i make you experience something so grotesque you’ll be begging for death.”
alastor looked toward rosie and the others, she seemed to be hinting at something, her desolate eyes switching to look at you and then to the low life, licking her lips . “what an idea, rosie dearest!” alastor exclaimed, “i could just,” alastor paused, voice deepening, “do this,”he rasped, slowly detaching you from his side to let rosie’s arms hook around you, her soft figure a comfort to you in alastors absence.
“it’s okay sweetie, just stay with me,” rosie’s soft demeanour soothing you in an attempt to distract you.
alastors size grew gargantuan, slowly stretching out his limbs, enough to swallow the perverted man whole. neon crosses forming over his sadistic smile and face, antlers bigger than before.
rosie’s loving arms squeezed you tightly, burying your face into her as to not see the carnage in your current condition, knowing how fragile you were whether it was showing or not. “rosie’s got you, honey.”
“if you ever breathe the same air as my darling girl again, i will make what im about to do to you look like child’s play.” alastors voice echoed, completely devouring him in his entirety before returning to his regular state as if nothing just happened. “well he tasted bitter.”
as rosie’s grip softened and your guard subsided, you felt that feeling start to surface, “al please,” your voice broke him out of whatever trance he appeared to be in, long tongue darting and licking his lips, predatory gaze falling to you.
“get thy rabbit out of harms way,” zestial spoke abruptly and tenderly, worry evident in his actions, rosie’s too.
alastors soft ears flushed back before scooping you up in his embrace, head tucked into his chest, “til next time, dears.” then before you knew it, you were out of the place.
the familiar ease of the hotel now filling you with a partial sense of relief. “shhh bunny, we’re home, nothing to hurt you now but me,” the gentle comfort of alastor’s voice rung in your ears. emotions finally rushing in, heart racing and head pounding after such an intense scene from your boyfriend. “darling?” your fluffy ear twitched, slowly raising your head to look at alastor as he guided you to sit atop the top of your bed. “tell me what you need.”
“need you,” a soft whimper fell from your lips, pulling alastor toward you. “please, need you close.” your voice was small and timid yet desperate. a stark contrast compared to your usual hyper excited and confident self.
“come here, my bunny,” alastor disregarded his jacket and backed up to the top of the bed, arms spread as you crawled gingerly into his lap, back flush against his chest, your hands now clutching his arms that moved to wrap around you. the side of your head resting on his bicep and your chin on his forearm. “good girl.”
“empty-“ you mumbled, nuzzling into him, “wanna be filled.”
alastor used his height advantage and arm to force you to look at him, “how, darling?” his eyes softened as he looked at you, “tell me how.”
a pretty colour of red, the same as alastors slacks, crept up your cheeks, confirming your embarrassment, “fingers,” you whispered, hushed and weak.
“where, bunny?” alastors free hand now cupping your face.
you wordlessly nuzzled into his hand, opening your mouth, needy and wanting. alastor got the hint, shifting his thumb to rest atop your tongue, sharp claw gently scratching the back of your throat as you closed your lips. you let out an involuntary hum as you begun softly sucking and lapping at the digit.
“what a sight,” alastor whispered to himself. “is that all you need, my love?” your wide eyes batted up at him, flustered expression covering your face as you slowly bucked your hips in his lap. “oh, how precious?”
a whip of darkness protruded out of alastor, sliding down your waist, all the way to your thigh. “i’ll make sure you’re full, pretty girl.” you voluntarily spread your legs, slutty outfit making for easy access, oh how alastor loved his bimbo bunny’s little skirts.
the blackness finally made its way to your cunt, nose twitching and a soft cry erupting from your lips, muffled from his fingers. this is all you wanted. all you needed. a cute moan of relief resonated as your pussy was stretched, tentacle fitting so perfectly to your walls.
“this is all you needed isn’t, bunny?” alastors hand moving to stroke your soft floppy ears. “you and i both know that forgettable cretin could never come close to how i make you feel.” you nodded, subtly deepthroating his thumb as you did so.
alastor breathed softly, “good girl.”
A/N : bunny reader is my absolute favourite, i'm in LOVE with writing it <3 thank u so much lovie for this request !!
#mine ♡#⁺˳✧༚ dolly’s drabbles#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor x reader#hazbin alastor x reader#hazbin reader x alastor#hazbin hotel reader x alastor#hazbin hotel reader insert#hazbin hotel alastor x you#hazbin hotel you x alastor#hazbin you x alastor#hazbin alastor x you#reader x alastor#alastor x reader#alastor x you#rosie and alastor#alastor and rosie#hazbin rosie#hazbin hotel rosie#zestial#hazbin hotel zestial#hazbin zestial#you x alastor#smut
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I cry when people yell at me(parent issues™️) and I was wondering how the peakys would react to that, like I can handle most things but yelling is like a big nono for me, would they be concerned or tease me for that, I don't think they will but I'm interested on how they'll react to it for the first time it happens, or if I yell back for the first time? You just do a great job at writing these characters💛
( im sorry if this is too personal or whatever)
AN: not too personal my lovely dw, here at Pacifymebby dot Tumblr dot com we (me) totally specialise in ✨ fanfiction as therapy ✨ haha. Sorry these have taken me ages to do. I'm also a crier when men shout at me so I hope I've written this how you wanted!!!!
Tommy
🌿 Is genuinely very shocked when, mid argument, you start crying. You've seen so much worse than this, you've witnessed some terrible things because of him and his brothers, the fights they get into every week. Only last week you'd watched with as calm a demeanour as one could manage, whilst Arthur had a violent breakdown and smashed a chair up at the dinner table. You'd not shown a shred of fear. But now, here you are, silent, heartbreaking tears streaming down your face and why?
🌿 because Tommy raised his voice at you.
🌿 you couldn't even remember what you'd been arguing about now. You'd seen red and blue fear in your mind the second he'd raised his voice. You'd watched him lose his temper with you, his jaw tense, his face going red as he yelled at you, his expression so angry, so cold and unforgiving. And it had shocked you. Tommy had never raised his voice at you before. You'd seen him shout at his brothers but he'd never shouted at you.
🌿 and the sight of you suddenly drained of colour, your skin taking on that strange bloodless translucency as you starred back at him wide eyed and fearful... it shocks him. You're looking at him like you don't recognise him and suddenly there's a lump in his throat.
🌿 He reaches out for you but you flinch away from him, backing away slowly and then suddenly fleeing, running away, vision blurred by your tears. You don't really know where to go and you can here him calling after you, but his voice raised shouting down the hallway for you only makes it worse. Only adds to your fear.
🌿 you're certain that you're in trouble so you don't stop even when he calls after you. Thing is he hasn't even said he's sorry. Hasn't realised why you're running from him.
🌿 "Y/N love for fuck sake what're you doin... we need to talk about this... Y/n stop!"
🌿 He's chased you out to the gardens, still shouting, still not getting the hint... it's only when he shouts again, louder this time, screaming your name across the lawn that you freeze. His voice seems to shake the whole world and it strikes the fear of god into you. So you stop. And he thinks thats the problem solved, that you've stopped running away from him now so he can return to you and you can talk like grownups.
🌿 but when he gets closer to you you back away some more, and even when he warns you to wait for him you edge away. Every step he takes you take one back until you find yourself backed up against a tree, looking at him with all this fear in your eyes.
🌿 He's careful as he approaches, one arm out to you, trying to coax you back to him... he can see that something has absolutely terrified you but it's only when he gets close enough to touch you, only when he brings his hand up to fix your hair that he realises what you're scared of.
🌿 "Don't hurt me!" You gasp, eyes squeezed shut, your body rigid with fear as you bring your hands up to protect your face. And it's that which makes him realise. That movement, that fragile tremble in your voice as you beg him not to harm you that breaks his heart.
🌿 and the realisation hits him like a freight train, chokes him. He can't believe you're frightened of him. He can't believe it's him who has caused you all this terror. You're trembling, your hands shaking the way a rabbit shakes when it knows it's being hunted.
🌿 He let's out a sigh, closes his eyes and tried to steady his own shaken nerves. He doesn't want to scare you anymore.
🌿 "Y/n, angel listen to me girl, I'm not going to hurt you..." he says, his voice a gentle caress as he takes your trembling hands in his, draws them away from your face and places them on his chest. He holds then both to his heart underneath his hand and with the other he cups your cheek. Makes you look up at him, catches your tears with his thumb and brushes them away.
🌿 "I scared you," he says looking at you ever so mournfully, he feels so guilty and you can see the hurt in his eyes. It just makes you feel worse and you shake your head trying to apologise. You can feel his heart beating beneath your hands, it's racing, his adrenaline too high and you feel guilty yourself because you made him angry.
🌿 "I'm.. I'm so sorry Tommy I made you angry I shouldn't have pissed you off its not..." but he cuts you off, finger pressed to your lips to hush you as he steps closer to you, his body so close to yours that you have to tilt your head back to look up at him. His head is bowed to look down at you.
🌿 "Shh now angel I'm talkin yeah, my turn to talk now eh so listen to me..." he's being ever so gentle, his hand holding your hip, the other tucking your hair behind your ear and stroking your cheek. He doesn't look harsh or sharp anymore, instead of anger his eyes are full of love. "Don't you apologise to me sweetheart, please don't do that... I'm sorry I shouted at you angel, shouldn't have done that but listen to me now eh cause this is important..."
🌿 You can't take your eyes off him, you're still shaking, still crying, your hearts still racing, but you're not frightened anymore. He's looking down at you with such an intense honesty, you can see the remorse in his eyes when he talks to you in that sweet gentle voice.
🌿 "I will never hurt you alright, I promise... even if I'm angry yeah, even if we're havin a blazing bloody row, I won't ever lay a finger on you like that sweetheart, I won't ever hurt you.."
🌿 You'd probably start crying all over again, burying your face in his chest, feeling his arms wrap around you and hold you tight. His hand stroking your back as he bows his head to place a kiss on yours. He'd cradle your head against his body and rest his chin in your hair. Close his eyes, hold onto you tight and treasure the feeling of you in his arms.
🌿 "You really fuckin scared me Tommy..." you'd sniffle struggling to calm yourself down.
🌿 "I know angel, I know and I'm really fuckin sorry alright..."
Alfie
🐻 He didn't mean to shout, Alfie's never raised his voice at you before because he doesn't believe in shouting at women and girls. He has a very firm, traditional view on that and he's stubborn about it too. No swearing, shouting and hitting women and girls.
🐻 The only reason he shouted is because he panicked, you were wandering around in a daydream so you hadn't noticed the tension in the bakery when you'd entered through the back door on your way to see your beloved. Tommy Shelby had just left, informing Alfie that he'd set up a trip wire to ensure his safety, that if he tugged on the string in his hand he would pull the pin from a grenade which would blow up half the bakery, starting a monstrous fire which would probably kill all inside. All those barrels of rum would go up in flames.
🐻 And you were one step from tripping that string which Tommy had tied to the leg of Alfies desk all, "I'll let you deal with this, have a think about what I've said whilst you work eh, careful though, its a delicate procedure..."
🐻 So when he'd seen you Alfie hadn't thought twice, shouting "Y/N stop! Stay there, fuckin don't move!" and luckily you'd frozen. Your body going rigid as the fear struck you like lightning.
🐻 He'd startled you for sure but more than that the sound of his voice ricochetting around the room, the voice of a man who was usually so tender and gentle with you, always so protective of you.. He'd never spoken to you like that and hearing it now struck ice cold fear into the very bones of you.
🐻 Alfie doesn't even notice at first, doesn't notice how you've gone white as a sheet, can't even move, he's too worried about that wire, too busy trying to work out what to do. Hoping there's a chance Tommy was bullshitting him. Hoping that actually there's nothing to fear.
🐻 And poor you, you're just stood there, hand clutched over your mouth starring at your love in shock. You don't know what to do because you don't want to embarrass yourself by bursting into tears over a little shouting, but you already know it's too late. Alfie really scared you, and he's never scared you before.
🐻 So you can't hold it back, you're trembling all over with the effort of fighting your tears, some have already escaped, you've swallowed down a sob already but it's the fact that Alfie's not even looking at you. The way he shouted at you so sharply, so harshly, and he isn't even looking at you now. You're struggling to reason with your own anxiety, convinced that you've done something wrong, that he hates you...
🐻 but then he hears it. The sound of your choked sob, one you'd tried and failed to hold back. And once the first escapes the damn breaks and you're in floods of tears. You don't move, frozen to the spot but your hands are over your face and your crying so mournfully that the sound sends an icy shard through Alfie's heart. Suddenly the hidden explosive is the least of his worries.
🐻 "Fuck," he grumbles to himself, telling himself off for snapping at you, "gentle Alfie what have I fuckin told you man, sometimes yeah you have to be fuckin gentle..." he's grumbling to himself as he reassesses his predicament. He knows he needs to get to you and get you to safety but he knows he can't get to you without risking your safety.
🐻 So he sighs. "Ziskeit, my dear, y/n poppet I'm sorry yeah, didn't mean to shout at you ziskeit, didn't mean to shout.. that was just me you know... panickin right, but I shouldn't have shouted at you yeah lovely girl I'm sorry..." he's making his way towards you very slowly and very carefully, talking soft and gentle, hands out because he doesn't want to startle you. His eyes flickering with concern between you and the wire you almost tripped.
🐻 "See my ziskeit, down there right by your feet yeah, there's a wire right and I need you to be very careful cause it's very dangerous yeah..." he doesn't want to scare you more than he already has but he also doesn't want you to move and accidentally set it off.
🐻 When he finally gets to you he doesn't hesitate to wrap his big arms around you and give you the warmest, tightest bear hug. He holds you firm against his chest, strokes your hair and cradles your head, burying your face in the crook of his neck. His beards tickley on your cheek and you're all wrapped up in the comfort of his musky scent.
🐻 "There, there my little ziskeit, s'alright now yeah, your Alfie's got you my darlin an he ain't lettin you go.."
🐻 He takes your hands from your face, won't let you hide and then he wipes your tears away with his thumbs. You can't just turn the waterworks off though and the tears keep coming.
🐻 Alfie feels so guilty.
🐻 But he'd hold your face in his hands and put his forehead against yours, looking down into your watery wounded eyes with such an intense devotion.
🐻 "Didn't mean to scare you poppet, please don't be scared now yeah, I'm here, I love you... I didn't mean to shout."
🐻 He'd probably call Ollie or one of his trusted men for help, he'd be instructing them on how to undo and disarm Tommy's trap, all the while still holding you and hushing you. The contrast between the way he barks orders at his men and then turns to you with the most tender, soft voice, shushing you and stroking your hair.
🐻 Promises he'll never shout at you again, but also, because he knows what he's like he also promises that if he does raise his voice at you, it won't be because he's angry and it won't be because he hates you. It'll be because he'd a stupid old man who forgets himself sometimes.
🐻 You'd sniffle, this shy smile on your lips as you tell him "you're not a stupid old man..." and he'd just chuckle, kiss your nose and brush your hair away from your tear stained cheeks, probably catching another tear on his thumb. "I am for making my ziskeit cry, but, you have my word now don't you girl, ain't ever gonna make you cry again..."
🐻 It's a big promise but Alfie is truly devoted to you and so protective of you that he really does hold it against himself forever. He's always viewed himself as your protector so the idea that you were scared of him is horrifying to him. He really does intend to keep his promise.
🐻 Will set a rule in the bakery and the warehouses that if you're around nobody is to raise their voice for any reason. He'll spin some bullshit about how it's very fucking rude and inconsiderate to shout when there are women and children present. If anyone breaks that rule Alfie will not hesitate to silence them in his own special way.
Arthur
🍂 It's probably not the first time this has happened let's be real here, this is probable not even the first time this has happend this week...
🍂 Arthur's emotions aren't exactly the easiest thing to endure... for either of you. He has a quick temper and he doesn't know how to express himself. If he's scared he turns to violence, if he's upset, he turns to violence, if he's angry, violence... even when he's happy or excited something usually gets broken, he usually forgets himself, talks too loudly... shouts...
🍂 And even though you're used to Arthur and his loud, uncontrollable and often unpredictable ways, you've never been able to get used to his yelling. You've always been easily startled and people yelling, raised voices has always set you on edge. And when someone shouts at you well, you always cry. You can't help yourself and you feel so stupid for it sometimes too... especially when it's Arthur who has made you cry because you know you should be used to it by now. You know what he's like... when he shouts and you start crying you always feel like a stupid child who can't control her own emotions.
🍂 But Arthur understands how that feels. It's not like he can control his either...
🍂 So of all the Blinders Arthur is the most sympathetic. It's not just that he feels terribly guilty for making you cry, it's that he hates how bad about yourself it makes you feel too and he wants you to learn not to be so hard on yourself.
🍂 So, he's always trying his best not to shout, for whatever reason... sometimes he comes home ecstatic about something that happened at the Garrison, he's half way through shouting through the house for you when he cuts himself off.
🍂 "Nah what have I fuckin told you Arthur Shelby, indoor voice for y/n, nice, gentle indoor voice..."
🍂 But of course this is Arthur and no matter how hard he tries he forgets himself and loses control on the regular. And when he does you also lose control... Arthur is an intimidating man at the best of times and when he shouts he is so fucking scary... especially when he's shouting because he's angry, and especially if he's shouting because he's arguing with you...
🍂 When that happens you probably don't just cry, you burst into tears, really dramatically... you'd shrink away from him, curl up on the floor crying your heart out, shaking, sobbing into your skirts and then when he realises what he's done it hits him in the gut and he does cold, panicks. He feels so guilty for scaring you again and rushes to try and hug.
🍂 Gets down there on the floor with you and bundles you up in his arms. His whole demeanor changes in an instant, all the fight knocked out of him in seconds as he rushed to comfort you.
🍂 Cradles you to his chest, rocking you to sooth you as he apologises over and over again. "For fuck sake darlin come here, fuckin 'ell I'm such a bloody idiot, I'm sorry my darlin I'm fuckin so sorry alright... didnt mean to scare you girl, y'know I love you don't I, ain't gonna hurt you, didn't mean to scare you just forgot meself that's all, you're alright my girl, I've got you eh, your Arthur loves you very much an he's very fuckin sorry for being such a fuckin dinlow eh..."
🍂 You'd be clutching at his shirt, sobbing into his chest, doing your best to calm yourself down, mentally chastising yourself for being so stupid because you know he didn't mean it, you know it was an accident, that you're safe with Arthur, that he won't ever hurt you... but even so, he scared you so much...
🍂 you'd push yourself up in his lap and try to wipe your tears away, probably trying to pull away from him and act as though everything was fine even though all you want to do is nestle deeper into his embrace and hold onto him until your heart stops racing.
🍂 And Arthur knows you well enough to recognise what you're doing so he isn't going to just let you go and pretend you're fine.
🍂 "Right now where dya think you're goin darlin..." he'd start, catching your hand and tugging you back into his lap, his arm locking around your waist, the other hand using his sleeve to dry your eyes. "Look at me yeah, got all the time in the world eh so I don't know what you're rushin off for darlin..."
🍂 "S'alright I'm alright now Arth was just being stupid wasn't I, you didn't scare me it's fine just bein..." but he'd cut you off shaking his head, giving you that frown which means 'dont give me all that rot y/n, I know you.'
🍂 "Nah," he'd say, "now don't start with all that shit now darlin, not wi me eh, I did scare you and you ain't stupid for bein scared neither... you ain't stupid at all..." "but..." when you try to argue he holds your face in both hands, your nose pressed up against his, his scruffy hair tickling your cheek as he gets right up close to you. His eyes are so intense when they lock with yours. "No buts now sweetheart, I fuckin scared you, I know I did and I'm fuckin sorry for it too... I'm the one who lost control so I'm the one who has to apologise right love, so I'm fuckin sorry yeah sweetheart, I hate scaring you an I never wanna do it again yeah... need to start using me fuckin brain eh love..."
🍂 But you hate seeing him put himself down so you're there holding his face in your hands too, looking up at him with such intensity, such stubbornness, it would be infuriating for him if he didn't currently feel so guilty. "You're not a fuckin idiot Arthur... don't call yourself stupid alright..."
🍂 For you and Arthur these scenes always end in the most loving of embraces, him holding you tight against him, you sitting in his lap on the floor, the two of you holding onto one another so carefully, so lovingly, your eyes locking as you tell eachother again how much you love one another. Your lips meeting in a desperate adoring kiss. One neither of you want to pull away from.
🍂 "Fuckin love you my darlin, don't even mean to upset you eh, I'll try harder yeah, Indoor voice from now I promise..." he says in as close to a whisper as Arthur Shelby can manage, kissing your face all over. Kissing away the last of your tears.
🍂 He always promises he won't shout at you again, you always promise you'll stop crying when he does. Both of you know that in a couple days time you'll be going over the whole routine again.
John
🌼 For all that John is a very laidback man, he has a temper on him and he has a very strict sense of morals, right and wrong (despite all of his moral activities) and when he feels strongly about something he will argue about it... and he has a temper on him.
🌼 When he loses his temper things can get messy, too emotional... He doesn't usually lose him temper with you though and so when he does it comes as even more of a shock.
🌼 He doesn't mean to start shouting at you, he already knows you don't deal well with it... Your voices have both been raising slowly as the arguments been escalating and when he finally starts really shouting you shout right back...
🌼 He didn't even realise he'd shouted until he heard your voice shouting back... suddenly cracking because you're trembling, because you've been fighting back your tears and they've just escaped.
🌼 He sees the tears streaming down your face and realises that you aren't even shouting because you're angry, your shout was one of fear. A "Stop it! Stop fucking shouting at me John fucking stop it!" Your hands over your ears as you shout at him from across the kitchen table, your eyes desperate with heartache and fear.
🌼 For a second you're looking at him with real upset and shock, like you don't recognise him at all, like he isn't your John anymore...
🌼 He feels terrible. He's gripped with guilt, a pain in his throat squeezing and aching, he's choked up by tears in his own eyes. Sometimes feelings are too big and John can't handle them.
🌼 Views himself as being the good family man, a loving, caring husband, a protective father, the man who looks after everyone, provides for them, so the idea that he could have done to his wife the one things she really can't handle, disgusts him. He's really disappointed in himself and he's determined to make it up to you.
🌼 He'd raise his hands up in surrender, his eyes full of guilt, his cheeks a little flushed as a tear escapes his eye, he's stepping away from the table, approaching you cautiously.
🌼 "Am sorry flower, I'm sorry..." his voice is wobbling but he's talking quietly now, as if lowering his voice like this is going to make up for the violence of his shouting at you moments before... and it does a little, or at least, his sudden effort to be gentle and careful calms you, lets you know you're not in danger.
🌼 He'll wrap his arms around you carefully, waiting for you to come to him, waiting for you to let him hold you. But when you feel the outline of his embrace you crumble, throwing your arms around him, sobbing into his neck as he closes his hold around you a little tighter, keeping you secure.
🌼 He'll hush you and rock you, doing his best to calm you down, all the while apologising for losing his temper.
🌼 "I'm so sorry little flower, I shouldn't have shouted at you, shouldn't have lost me temper that was fuckin stupid of me wasn't it..."
🌼 Lots of kissing your hair and your forehead. Will hold you as long as you need to calm down.
🌼 Will wipe your tears and tap your nose. Will hold your face in both his hands, thumbs brushing over your cheeks, forehead to forehead promising you very passionately that he'll never shout at you like that again. You can see it in his eyes how strongly he feels, he's got tears in his eyes and he's perhaps crying a little too. He's talking but his jaw is clenched and the words are forced through his teeth so they come out really shaky but certain.
🌼 You catching his tears on your thumbs and brushing them away. The two of you eventually smiling at that, making a little joke about how over emotional you both are.
🌼 If you try to apologise for having cried, or if you try to joke about your tears, how silly it was of you to cry just because he shouted at you he will shake his head, cut you off all "no, no... no way flower, you ain't silly for cryin, you ain't supposed to like bein shouted at and your husband definitely ain't supposed to be shoutin at you like that neither..."
🌼 He'll be extra sweet to you for many days to come, bringing you flowers, talking particularly gently to you too. Lots of affection, hugs, kisses, holding your hand whenever he can, layering it on thick so that you know he still loves you... he knows how sensitive you are and knows that you'll still be worrying about the argument days later, so he'll do as much as he can to show you he loves you.
🌼 Once during a particularly heated family meeting Tommy shouted down the table at you for something you said, John was livid, white as a sheet with rage as he put his arms around you and stood protectively behind you. He was glaring so sharply his stare could have sliced Tommy open. Later you heard them scrapping when everyone else had left.
Bonnie
🍀 Bonnie is such a calm lad, he never shouts even when he's threatening other people. He's not the kind of man who raises his voice unless he really has to, he's usually the quietly threatening, controlled anger, spitting his threats through gritted teeth, not yelling...
🍀 It would take one hell of an argument, you'd both be feeling fragile and desperate, both of you shaking with he strength of the heartache and distress you're feeling.
🍀 Whatever you're fighting about it's been brewing for awhile so you both have so many thoughts, so many troubled feelings you need to get off your chest...
🍀 And when he does shout its because he feels a sudden panic, has a sudden fear that he will never be able to explain himself, never be able to make you understand... it's a truly desperate shout, almost a plea... "Would you just listen to me for a second love I'm trying to..."
🍀But he doesn't even finish the sentence, the second he realises he's yelled at you he feels a wee bit sick, his hands shaking and suddenly he can't speak at all. He's watching you, you're frozen, starring back at him with these terrifyingly sad wide eyes...
🍀 he can see he's just broken your heart.
🍀 For a moment theres silence, you're just starring back at him in shock, he's watching you, scared to move or say another word because if he does he's worried something between you will break. That you're both hanging on by a thread.
🍀 And when the thread snaps and you come back to life, your hand rising to cover your mouth and catch your sob, your eyes closing as your whole body shivers with the effort of fighting back tears, Bonnie watches you with this hollow weight in his stomach, this cold lump of guilt.
🍀 Swallows a lump in his throat, his voice quiet and shaky when he speaks again.
🍀 "Fuck, fuck I'm so sorry dove... don't cry, don't cry dove I'm sorry," he's speaking softly, hesitant to try and hug you because he saw the fear in your eyes and he's not sure you want him to come any closer now. "Please forgive me y/n I'm sorry, can I..." he trails off reaching for your hand, tugging you gently into his arms.
🍀Whatever you were fighting about it simultaneously ceases to matter to him and also becomes completely unsolvable...he's scared youre never going to look at him the same way again. He's supposed to be your man, your protector, the one person you can always trust and now he's let you down, he's scared you... he really resents himself for that, can't forgive himself for scaring you.
🍀"I'm sorry little dove," he'd whisper, his voice soothing, his breath brushing your cheek as he promises he won't shout like that again, "s'okay sweetpea, s'alright..." but he doesn't feel like its alright.
🍀 He'll hold you as snug as he can, but carefully too, treating you extra delicately, he's really hesitant to hug you too tightly or kiss you in case you're scared of him now.
🍀 "Don't be scared of my dove, you're breakin me heart," he says it with a teasing little smile, trying to get a giggle from you or something but you can hear the heartbreak in his voice and you know he's really telling the truth.
🍀 When you settle down a little you nuzzle into him, "Sorry Bon..." you sniffle trying to dry your eyes, caught out and speechless when he catches your hands in his and, strokes his thumbs over your palms. "What you sayin sorry for eh sweetpea? Am the one whose sayin sorry now..." he chuckles, holding your palm up to his lips and kissing your hands.
🍀 Even if you feel better quickly, soothed by Bonnie's sweetness, he won't feel better about it. The guilt will stick with him for a long time, one of those memories that comes back in the middle of the night and makes him cringe.
🍀 He's extra soft with you for the rest of the day and the morning after too, treating you like he's scared you're going to break. He speaks quietly and gently and he'll treat you with such tenderness, holding you at every opportunity, holding your hand even if you're just sitting together. Any excuse to kiss you or tell you he loves you.
🍀 Because he knows how upset you get when someone yells at you, if anyone else ever makes you cry by raising their voice at you Bonnie's fierce protective side will snap and he will be raring to defend you. You have had to talk him down from fights because of this.
Isaiah
🐀 He'll be so shocked when you start crying... he's seen you witness so much "worse" than shouting before... so he really wasn't expecting you to burst into tears when a drunk man at the bar raised his voice at you. He turns with a frown, brows tugged in in confusion as he blinks at you struggling to process the sight of you with tears streaking your face. He honestly didn't think anything could phase you...
🐀 For a second he's stunned but he soon snaps into action... "For fuck sake man now look what you've done!" He groans turning to the man behind your tears, "gone and made me girl cry ain't you... now I have to hurt ya..." he says with a cruel grin, as if he hadn't been intending on hurting the stupid cunt who'd been eyeing his girl up with lecherous eyes all evening anyway. "Don't get me wrong like... I wanted to anyway yeah, you've just given me a good excuse..."
🐀 Once he's satisfied he's fucked the stupid bastard up enough, he turns his attention back to you. He's not expecting to see you still crying, in fact he'd kind of been hoping he'd just imagined it, been hoping he was just going crazy like Arthur... but he isn't, and you are still crying.
🐀 And Isaiah isn't good with crying girls, doesn't know what to do about all those tears, feels totally at a loss.. especially because he's never seen you cry before.
🐀 will try to joke about it, not teasing you harshly, just making a little joke about how 'easily' scared it turns out you are... "You had me fooled mousy..."
🐀 This earns him a pretty firm slap from Ado who's jaw has just hit the floor... "Fuck sake dinlow whatre you doing making it bloody worse!" She'd be all arms crossed and shaking her head, muttering about how men these days are all the fucking stupid same.
🐀 but her slaps gotten through to Isaiah at least who is looking at you now with a somewhat more awkward smile, but he takes your hand and offers you a hug. This is the most stunted a conversation with Isaiah could possibly be and you're beginning to feel a whole different kind of anxious.
🐀 "Right for fuck sake, I've had enough of this.." Ada cuts in, "you.. give your girlfriend a fuckin hug alright," she'd say pointing at Isaiah and then pointing at you, "and you.. god sake girl get yourself a better fuckin boyfriend eh?"
🐀 "Alright Ada piss off yeah I've got her, she's alright now ain't you mousy..." Isaiah would groan, he's embarrassed by Ada pointing out his flaws but hes showing it as frustration instead. He will take her advice onboard however, he isn't that stupid.
🐀 He'll put his arm around your shoulder and squeeze you into his side steering you outside for a cigarette and some cool night air. He knows you'll be embarrassed about crying so he wants to take you somewhere quiet.
🐀 "Sorry for laughing at you doll you just took me by surprise... ain't like you is it... crying..." he'll say gently, he's sharing a cigarette with you, taking a drag or two and then placing it between your lips carefully. This is something he only does when he's trying to make you feel extra close and cosy with him.
🐀 He's quite curious about it, wants to understand why you cried, wants to know what it is about raised voices that you just can't deal with. And this curiosity isn't so that he can mock you, it's so that he can help you. He never wants to see you cry like that again so he wants to help you get over your fear...
🐀 He will offer you lots of reassurance, "you know I'm always here for you love, won't ever let anyone hurt you yeah... so even if someone does shout at you you ain't got nothin to be scared of yeah?"
🐀 He'll remind you that now you're with the Peaky Blinders you're always going to have someone near by to protect you. That men like "that cunt inside" will think twice about raising their voice at you...
🐀 Will hold your hand for the rest of the night, giving it reassuring squeezes at seemingly random moments. His affections will be subtle but constant all night and he'll make sure you feel safe.
🐀 If ever he shouts when you're nearby he'll remember himself quickly, apologising to you as soon as he can, making sure you're alright. If other Peaky lads chastise him for this he'll sock them round the back of the head no hesitations.
🐀 He's too easy going and because he doesn't want to shout at you, he avoids arguments like the plague, he'd rather just let most things slide until an issue absolutely has to be addressed because he's worried that if he gets swept into a row with you he won't be able to stop himself from losing his temper. He isn't sure yet whether this tactic is going to serve him well.
Michael
☘️ Its a heated argument, one which really give meaning to the phrase "blazing row." You and Michael are both furious with one another over a disagreement which has been stewing and bubbling away for weeks. One about Tommy Shelby and the unreasonable pressure he puts on his younger cousin.
☘️ When the row started it was because you wanted Michael to stand up to his cousin, you'd tried to encourage him to put his foot down, to start saying no every now and then when Tommy's demands crossed boundaries, but Michael didn't want to. he said you didn't understand the family, that you were sticking your nose into something which doesn't concern you.
☘️ And because you care so much about Michael you can't let go, won't back down. And because he cares about you and doesn't want you winding up in trouble Michael refuses to back down too. And thats how you end up screaming at one another in the middle of breakfast one morning.
☘️ He's so angry he doesn't notice that you aren't just shouting to match his fierce temper. He doesn't notice that you're trembling all over, that your cheeks are flushed and your eyes are wide and white - more like a deer in the headlights than a dragon.
☘️ The argument would peak with you unleashing all your fear and hurt, all your desperation into one shattering scream, "Leave me alone Michael for fuck sake leave me alone!" you shout over your shoulder when you go running off into the garden and he follows. HE doesn't listen however and it takes you picking a rock up and throwing it in his direction for him to get the message and let you go.
☘️ You run away for the rest of the day, go disappearing down the lane storming into the park up the street, finding a bench or a tree to sit beneath, hugging your knees to your chest and sobbing into your skirts.
☘️ Meanwhile at home Michael is pissed off, pacing, getting angry, damaging furniture as his temper gets the better of him. He's fuming, he can't get his head around why you ran away. Why you were so upset. . He thinks you behaved childishly and doesn't understand why you ran off like a little girl...
☘️ It takes you both a long time to calm down and when you do you really don't want to go back to the house, so you go to Polly's instead, you don't tell her about the row but you drink tea with her and wait for Michael to turn up. (Pol assures you he always comes to her when you've been fighting)
☘️ And when he does show up that evening he's been drinking whiskey and his mood is bitter and self pitying.
☘️ "Let me guess Michael my boy, you and y/n had a row... she got upset, she ran away, she..." "Came here," he smirks shaking his head with a small self deprecating smile, "hiya love..."
☘️ He won't apologise for shouting because you were shouting too, and because Michael never apologises for anything. But he will pour the two of you some tea and try to talk to you a little more softly than before.
☘️ "You worried me love, running away from me like that...gave me a scare..." "You were shouting at me," you shrug sullenly. He would be struggling not to let his temper flare again. "You were shouting at me too to be fair love... and anyway, you're not a little girl are you, you don't run away from someone just for shouting..."
☘️ You'd bristle, getting defensive, fresh tears glossing your eyes then, a painful lump in your throat when you realise he doesn't understand and maybe isn't going to.
☘️ "No," you say, voice catching in your throat, "but what kind of man likes screaming at his girl?" When you ask him that he won't be able to ignore the guilt he feels. He'll be struggling to swallow down the lump in his throat too and he'll reach for your hand across the table, brush his thumb over your knuckles as he looks you in the eyes, tries to find an unspoken equilibrium between the two of you. Something to two of you can hold onto despite your differences.
☘️ "Alright," he says finally, let's out a little sigh and squeezes your hand. "No more shouting eh how does that sound?"
☘️ When you nod your head, your smile forming slow but wide, he mirrors your warm expression and leans back in his chair, tugs your hand across the table so that you'll stand and come sit down in his lap.
☘️ "No more shouting it is then y/n," he says holding your waist in his hands, feeling closer to you at last, enjoying the comfort of your familiar shape beneath his hands. He'll point to his cheek then all, "come on love, give us a kiss eh? Forgive me?" and he'll wait until you do lean in to place a kiss on his cheek before he catches yours in his palm and steers your mouth towards his.
AN/ hope these were what you were hoping for lovely, I honestly am not sure I've done your request justice but I don't think I can write much more so sorry about that :/
Taglist:
@jomarch-wannabe @zablife @call-sign-shark @marwwfairy@toddlerbodybag@mollybegger-blog@inalovesrabbits-blog @elina-777@impossibleheartflower@liliac-dreamer@everysage@itsghostgirlyo
#tommy shelby x reader#arthur shelby x reader#peaky blinders imagine#bonnie gold x reader#john shelby x reader#peaky blinders headcanon#peaky blinders imagines#isaiah jesus x reader#alfie solomons x reader
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https://www.tumblr.com/deathgasmic/729345046853419008/i-hate-to-break-this-to-you-but-i-am-once-again
this with satoru. omgomgom—
a/n: fem!reader, discussions of unprotected sex, oral f! receiving, finger sucking, creampie & breeding, cum eating, jealous gojo. link to post here also anon ur mind >>>>>
oh OH OH .. OKAYYYYYY ok to start off he’s clingy as fuck to begin with so im not even sure why youd dare to flirt with gojo satoru’s girl … erm! but anyway theres prob this kyoto teacher slash sorcerer who was just posted to the region and hes nice and all …. utahime says hes leagues above gojo but also bc she just rlly fuckin hates him LMFAO. paired with the fact that gojo has an affinity to fuck at public events just cause u look so damn good in that black dress he picked out for you. but oh boy that sorcerer has insanity coming just by talking to gojo satoru’s girl !!!!
ur bf also is … possessive as hell. youve tried to tell him to not scare off random guys (or girls) who come up to you and ask you for ur number but he just . likes to scare them off. usually you’d be there to calm the situation down too cause if u were not that man will go CRAZY. ok but anyway! you already know whats in store when gojo saunters up to the two of you with drink in hand (apple cider) in hand and a hand curls around your waist and hes just like “sorry, can i steal your conversation partner”
you thought it was bc of the black dress but it’s the jealousy and suddenly everything makes sense and youre teasing him all the way to the bathroom. altho it’s futile cause the moment the lock clicks and you’re turned around and pushed up against the counter. good luck holding onto the installed racks of the sink bc he goes to his knees and eats you out like no other. gojo uses his jealousy and the lust he has for you and puts it all into his tongue
“he wishes he could taste my sweet pussy,” he basically makes out with your cunt as youre trying to keep your voice down, “what he doesnt know is that my girl gets wet for me and me only” WHEEEEW hes angry and he makes sure your pussy gets all the heat. makes you cum one, two, three times and hes sure the event’s at their dessert course right now while he still has you moaning and grinding into his mouth. now youre up on the sink’s counter, and him on his knees but he stops your orgasm just as you were reaching your high and he has to fuck you now or else he’ll die. gojo isnt even sure how he manages to survive with his throbbing cock
and it’s rough when he slams into you from behind the first time that ur moans echo in the bathroom teehee, gojo only grins, “that good, huh? not so eager to talk to other guys now, are you?” and you want to protest but he doesnt let you, shoving two fingers into your mouth and you whimper around it, basically grabbing at his wrist to suck on his fingers like u would to his cock.
hes torn between being rough and soft to you when youre so clueless about the effect u have on people. gojo holds onto your shoulders and just speeds up making you limp over the bathroom counter and you dont seem to care about the moans any more. his dirty talk is crazy as always
“yeah… hear that? fucking slut dripping all over my cock”, “who’s making you feel this way, hm? who’s fucking you so deep?”, “pretty baby looks so stunnin’ in her black dress talking to some sorcerer … but she looks better stuffed.”
you giggled a little at that one but you have no time to catch ur breath bc hes cumming deep in you and oh my god you arent sure if hes just fuelled by adrenaline or WHAT but he cums so so much in u it gets you dizzy. as with satoru.
“fuck… made to take my cum, yeah?” and he makes sure you know it bc he is immediately hooked when he removes his cock and you’re trying to keep it in yet there’s globs of cum that leave ur pussy and drips to the floor HAHREBW gojo fucking loses it and has to fuck you again until you’re full of his cum.
“look at me in the mirror as i breed you, sweetheart.”, “feel that? got s’much cum jus’ for you”, “ wanna feel this pussy ‘round me until i can’t any more. don’t think little mr. kyoto over there could fuck you this well, right?” he. is. gross.
snaps pics of ur cum filled cunt after. youre spent, leaning over the counter and exhausted and catching your breath and your eyes widen in panic when gojo gets to his knees again and latches his mouth onto your soaking pussy ….. and eats the cum right outta you! disgusting filthy man oh i need him to do that to me.
the higher ups told u not to come to the next gala dinner LMAOOO
#I GOT CARRIED AWAY#anon#asks#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#gojo smut#gojo satoru smut#satoru gojo x reader#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x you#satoru gojo smut#jjk thirsts#jjk drabbles
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Can you please make something like y/n losing her virginity to Gojo and when she wakes up she misunderstood that Gojo just wanted to have one night stand and as he never make contact with any of his one night stand, so y/n left writing some notes for him. But Gojo genuinely loved her and then he searched for her finding y/n passed out somewhere or finding her getting attacked by some cursed spirit.
I want to read this so much.😅 Please make it happen. 🥹
Satoru x Fem;Reader
Scenario: Listed in request
Warnings: Smut, cussing
Word count: 903 words
Side notes: I am so sorry for how late I was to do this request, I got logged out of my account for like a month :( I hope this somewhat fits what you had in mind and if not IM SORRY. Enjoy my loves, if you have any request or ideas please submit them because I love doing them❤️
You would have laughed if someone told you that you would lose your virginity to THE Satoru Gojo, the king of 'no feelings'- but here you were straddling Satoru's naked figure as he eased his hardened cock inside you. "Doing so good sweets" you hear him mutter under his breath, his hand moving up to grip the back of your neck.
You couldn't help but moan at the feeling of him. The second he had completely filled you to the brim, your back arched and a small whine escaped your parted lips. "Look at you taking me so well baby" he mumbles, forcing you to look down at the sight of him disappearing into your pussy.
"Feels so good" you babble, your head lulling onto his shoulder, earning you a quiet chuckle from Satoru.
"Yeah?" he teases, peppering small kisses onto your head. You nod, moving your hips in small circles, causing Satoru to let out a hoarse groan.
This was a horrible idea. You shouldn't be in this situation with Satoru, but you certainly weren't putting an end to it now. Tomorrow seemed so far away as you heard the lewd sound of skin hitting skin caused by Satoru bouncing you on him, hitting your cervix each time.
"Aww look at your little belly bulge" He cooed, moving his hand from your hip and pressing it against your belly, causing you to whine out in pleasure, to cock drunk to form proper words.
Tomorrow is an eternity away.
You woke up to the sound of running water and your sleepy eyes immediately widened in panic. Fuck, tomorrow was here, and the anxiety hit you like a train.
Gojo was never one to keep his hookups around long. You had heard stories of him sending the girls off in taxis, never bothering to text them afterward and the realization hit you. You were about to be one of those girls, you had given your virginity to a man who was going to send you off in a fucking taxi.
You quickly sit up in the bed, sliding out of it and scavenging for your clothes, and putting them on. You then grab a sticky note and pen from his desk located in the corner of the room and right a quick 'Last night was great, thank you' quickly signing off with a little heart. You were going to rip the band-aid off and leave without being asked, a weak attempt to save your dignity. You snatch your purse from the nightstand and hurry out the front door.
You were exhausted to say the least, you and Satoru had been up all night and the lack of sleep was starting to hit you as you sat on a bench in a park, eyes drooping closed. It was a busy park, children played as their parents conversed, you didn't see any problem in one quick little nap.
Satoru was surprised and even a little butt hurt when he opened the bathroom door to find an empty bed. He knew what people said about him and some of the rumors did have some truth behind them, but you weren't a one-night stand. Satoru adored you, fuck Satoru loved you. He loved your voice, your face, everything. He wasted no time throwing on a coat and rushing out the door, throwing the note he had left him onto the coffee table on the way out.
"Y/n, answer the phone please", He pleads, sending yet another voicemail to your phone. Suddenly the thought hit him, you had mentioned how you loved the park so much ever since you were a little girl. He didn't know for sure if he'd be there, but he was growing desperate, so he eagerly made his way towards the playground.
When he arrived, Satoru instantly furrowed his eyebrows at the sigh of the familiar cost you always wear, hood up, sitting on a bench. 'What the hell' he muttered to himself, quickening his pace towards him. He frowned even more when he saw how red his nose and cheeks were.
"y/n" he says softly, shaking you slightly. "Time to wake up baby," he adds, patting your cold cheek gently.
Your eyes flutter open, squinting in confusion at the sight of the blue-eyed man in front of you.
"Satoru?" you mumble, sitting up quickly. "I don't know what on earth you are thinking about sleeping on a bench y/n" He scolds, helping you stand properly. You were just about to explain yourself when he cuts you off again.
"You're going to catch a cold y/n" he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, clearly stressed by the situation.
"I didn't think you'd want me there when you woke up" you mumble, looking down at your feet while anxiously fidgeting with your fingers.
To your surprise, you felt his warm hands cup your cheeks and your face was lifted to where his eyes met yours.
"Oh sweets, I'd never want you to go away," he whispered, his brows knitted together in concern. "I'd have you with me all the time if I could."
You searched his eyes for something--anything to hint at some sort of regret, but what you found was complete and utter adoration for the girl standing in front of him, with her little red cheeks.
"Let me take you out on a proper date y/n-- please
-ˋˏ✄--------------------------------
Thanks for reading babes ❤️
The song lowkey doesn't go with the first part BAHAHA
#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jjk smut#spotify#satoru smut#gojou satoru x reader#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#gojo x reader
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Yan!Joe Goldberg one shot
Hi guys welcome back to my channel
i recently watched You, the hit netflix series and got inspired to write whatever the fuck this is. So I hope you enjoy ittttttt (i'm losing my mind :3) sorry that it isn't platonic/familial but i just needed to write something, and here it is :33
"Joe, what the fuck is happening."
Given the situation, you were pretty calm for the most part. You weren't hysterically crying, banging on the clear walls begging him to let you out. Unlike Beck or all the other victims he had in your position. Maybe you were different.
Joe. Joe fucking Goldberg. You knew there was something off about him, since he moved into the apartment next to you. You were internally panicking, any sane person could see this hurtling at them from a mile away.
You were glaring daggers at the man as he walked around, his demeanor was one of pity. Pity. That was laughable. You wanted to fucking murder him, how dare he act like that when he was the one caging you.
"Joe you fucking creep!" Alright there it is, the first step when it came to people who were kidnapped. Panic.
He saw as you went up against the clear wall and start banging on it, you were scared. Terrified even, but you shouldn't be because he was doing this to protect you.
"Please-" You took a breath to calm yourself, you could feel yourself about to break down but you didn't want to seem weak. But your trembling lips, your shaky breath were an obvious giveaway.
"Please Joe, I swear I won't tell anyone." You shook your head, tearing up. "I-I don't know what I did and I'm sorry-"
"No- no, no, no you're not in trouble, I would never hurt you."
"Then let me go, Joe please!" You plead, your throat is raw from crying and yelling. This brought back memories from when Beck was in the same position as you were, the same hysteria and the same panic.
The tears, the screaming. It was all the same. You were gonna calm down. Hopefully you won't try and do what Beck did. His feeble attempts of trying to calm you down from outside of the cage he had placed you in did little to nothing.
"I'm sorry, Y/n I-I just did what I thought was right."
"This. This isn't- Right Joe please, please." You slid down and sat on the ground. This was a new low. Joe looked at you as you cried, plead with him to let you out. He crouched down as well, watching as you start to break down.
"You were suffering. I saved you, can't you see? I am keeping you safe, you don't have to worry about anything anymore."
"I never needed saving! I was fine- fuck..." You turned around, leaning your back against the wall. Looking up at the ceiling, you regretted ever bumping into this man.
It was a play by play of Beck. Your claims of not needing a saviour was synonymous to hers, but another similarity you had with her was that you did need his help. After observing you and how you lived you were practically begging for his help.
Your suffering hurt him as well. You needed his help and he was happy to provide it. But you caught on after a while. You started to seperate yourself from him, you avoided him
Avoid him? How could you? After all he's done for you? The people he has murdered to save you, to make you happier. It couldn't happen. There was no way he could just let you go, No. He needed you to stay alive.
He needed you.
--
this show grabbed me by the neck and pulled me from the depths of my writing slump, ik all of my content is surrounded around anime content but I hope yall could entertain something like this
also, one of the only romantic content that I have ever written (well, romantic-ish) so yay, we're evolving.
I won't stop writing platonic content but it's just getting harder to do so, not sure why don't ask im tweaking.
#yandere#technically joe is a yandere already#i'm just writing a oneshot of him ig#dark fic#joe goldberg#joe goldberg x reader#oneshot
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im a need a cain x reader smut, but like the reader can get in heat since there a type of animal i dont know what animal you can choose one. so like the reader chooses caine to release their thung idk i was thinkinh about it and now im trhiving to jhave it written so ofcourse i came to my fav writers inbox
i get it! im not the best at writing heat fics (i dont think??) but i tried 🤧
Caine/Cat Hybrid!Reader
(afab parts)
tags: bondage, reader in heat, man handling
minors dni | nsfw below the cut.
It had been years in this digital world, and with every new person to enter Jax was always the only anthropomorphic animal to be in the circus. Until you came along, cat like ears sprouted from your head and tail protruding from where your tailbone should be.
Of course the other members either reacted in awe, or just didn't really care. Or some in between like Jax who loved pulling at your ears and tail as it usually made you squeak like a toy.
Even Caine wasnt immune to your cuteness it seemed, he'd make the odd comment about your apperance here and there but it was always positive. Maybe that's why you chose him..? Or maybe it was because he was the showrunner, he had power and could protect you and ... your young. That's usually the things mates would looked for..? Right? Damn it you didn't know. You were human before all this was completely new to you. But your body didn't care, this.. heat cycle hit you like a sack of bricks. You'd been holed up in your room for a few days now, ignoring the knocks at your door.
Lest you jump on the person on the other side of the door and beg them to fuck you until you can't remember your name.
You thought maybe after taking care of yourself this .. feeling would go away but no, you came on your fingers several times but it wasn't close to being enough. It was like you were losing yourself to this feeling, all you could think about was being filled..
In the haze of your thoughts Caine came to mind again, you knew his opinion on things like this but you had to try. Something.. anything, and pray that in the process to getting to his room you wouldn't run into anyone else..
A few moments later when you got the resolve to finally peek out of your room you moved as quickly as you could in your state, luckily remembering the path to the ringmasters quarters. A big grand red door was at the end of the hall and you tugged at the door but it didn't budge.
"C.. Caine.. ? You there..?" Your voice sounded pathetic, dripping with need. A soft mewl even escaped your lips in frustration.
It felt like a century until you felt eyes on you, but.. from behind you. It was Caine just floating there, in the same confusion as yourself. "C.. Caine? Why aren't you in your room?" Your senses were going ballistic now, it cried for you to present yourself to him. Beg for him to take you right here and now.
"Simple, my dear! I don't sleep! This room is merely a prop of sorts!" He retorted, "Are.. you alright, y/n? You're looking a little, under the weather." He seemed to actually be concerned, and you started squirming.
"N.. No I need.." Your ears flattened out of embarrassment, tail wrapping around your leg for self comfort. "need.." Your voice trailed off, "... s'your fault Caine.. you made me like this..!"
"Now, now, calm down y/n I don't necessarily get to choose your new bodies—!" You cut him off by pawing at his leg, clinging to it to keep him in place. He tried to keep his balance.
"Please Caine.. need you.." You nuzzled at his leg, then moved up his thigh trying to nuzzle at his crotch as the smell of him was inviting you. "T.. This is hardly appropriate, let's *ahem* get you inside." Caine looked both ways to assure no one had saw you two. He then scooped you up by the waist, holding you like luggage and carrying you inside his room.
As soon as you two were in the room he dropped you onto the bed unceremoniously.
Caine tugged at his tie and allowed it to loosen up, "Well, now. What to do with you." He snapped his fingers and you were bound to the bed in a very lewd manner, knees bent and pressed at your chest being held by red ropes that seemed to match his suit. "C... Caine wha.." You whimpered, tears forming in your eyes as he seemed to just be toying with you.
"Tsk, tsk this won't do at all! You're making a mess of your clothes!" And now they were gone too, you instinctively pulled your binds helplessly. "Please.." You whined, not knowing exactly what you were pleading for.
"Yes, yes.. I think I know what's happening to you, now be patient dear! I'm breaking many a rule for you, y'know!" He said, now appearing suddenly in between your legs , two gloved fingers delving into your cunt suddenly. "Hhck..!" Your ears pointed straight up out of shock and your body moved against the binds again, "Come now you can handle this!"
"N.. Not that.. need.. you inside.. please.." Your cunt was senstive sure, but it was more frustrating that he was using his fingers, "Please Caine.. breed me.." Your words made him swallow and he had to compose himself. He was only doing this because he had to, he couldn't have to wandering off and trying to pounce on anyone else!
He pulled himself from his pants, he didn't realize until now that his cock was straining against them a few moments ago. You desperately wanted to present yourself to him, spread your cunt and open your legs but he had you tied up like some kind of animal.
His tip nudged at your cunt, the slick causing him to slip past your hole a few times. You mewled and bucked your hips a little as if to encourage him.
Another thrust and he buried himself completely inside of you, your cunt swallowing him up immediately, it was like he was made for you. You were made for each other. "Ngh.. there we go, stubborn little thing.." He said with a grunt, hovering over your body.
He was finally inside of you and your body begged you not to let him go, not until he came inside of you at least three or four times at least! "Caine.. more .. mn.." He felt like you were calm enough to get rid of the bindings so he did, snaping his fingers and they seemed to fade away into the air.
Your legs immediately wrapped around him, tugging him closer.
"How impatient, very well then. Hold tight my dear," He said, hands planted on the sides of your head as he started to move his hips, rocking into your cunt. Your eyes fluttered shut, ear twitching a little as a soft purring sound rumbled in your chest.
His thrusts picked up speed quickly, you were responding so well to them that he was slowly beginning to loose himself as well. Family friendly? Behind the doors of his room that would have to disappear from now on. "Nh.. thats right.. to keep everyone.. in check!" His words matched the rhythm of his heavy thrusts.
"Hha.. Caine, caine..!" You cried out, legs tugging him closer, "N.. Need your cum.. make me pregnant p-please..!"
His hips stuttered a little, your words seemed to be getting to him whether he liked it or not. He shoved two fingers into your mouth to keep you quiet so he could focus. How distracting your dirty mouth could be was impressive. Your moans and cries were muffled, saliva dirtying his gloves.
Caine put his full weight behind his thrusts , your smaller form quite literally being fucked into the mattress. "Nnhg, almost there, y/n..! Be a dear and a cum with me." He said in a mocking voice, his hand removing itself from your mouth and instead pushing your lower stomach. Adding more pressure to your already stuffed cunt.
"Gh..hhaa.. Caine, cu.. cumming.. cumming..!" You yelped and clung to him, legs keeping him locked in so he couldn't pull away from you. He'd be force to fill your cunt to the brim. "Inside.. fill me up..!" Your tongue lulled past your lips , cunt clamping down on his dick as you hand a nearly blinding orgasm.
Caine couldn't help it, your cunt was practically milking him and he spilled into your cunt without a second thought. Though he didn't seem at all out of breath.
"Well that sure was.. something.." Caine noted, his dick still twitching inside of you as the last few spurts of cum filled your stuffed cunt.
You panted, looking up at him with half lidded eyes, a lewd smile painting your lips. "Caine.. m'not done.. need more.."
Did he really think one round would be enough?
#the amazing digital circus#ask#minors dni#caine x reader#tadc caine#the amazing digital circus caine#caine x reader smut
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X ▸ yang jungwon (part i)
▸ DESCRIPTION : what do you get when you have a stupid asshole of a bestfriend (who’s completely head over heels for you, should he add) and a fucked up ego that refuses to admit any form of defeat? you guessed it: the summoning of a jealous ex-boyfriend who dumped you two years ago, and is hell-bent on winning you back.
▸ PAIRING : ex!yang jungwon x female reader (feat. nishimura riki)
▸ GENRE(S) : angst, fluff, slow burn, exes au, college au
▸ WORD COUNT : 28.5k+
▸ WARNING(S) : this is very fast-paced for a slow burn, VERY cringe-y angst and writing (pls spare me it’s my first time😭), fake-dating with riki, JUNGWON REDEMPTION ARC ON PART 2, breakup scenes, indication of hang-ups and love triangles, jealousy, profanities, mentions of a car accident, blood, flashbacks from before and after the breakup, both reader and jungwon have issues :D, this has a second part because the fic is too long, not proofread, kindly let me know if there are any more ^-^
▸ SPOTIFY PLAYLIST : here
▸ UPDATED A/N : hello!! i finished this fic on the start of 2022 and then left it like that when i went on my hiatus, so rereading it nearing the end of 2022 .. i CANNOT take this seriously LMFAOO i was high and i dramatized everything im sawry. But. this is the longest fic i’ve written so far and for that i’m sort of :D i have little to almost zero experience of writing long fics AND angst, so i really hope to any who read this won’t have any high expectations T^T pls lmk your thoughts on this one!
▸ REQUESTED! for my scorpio twin anon :)
SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST LIKE KITES.
Someone had said that once, you remember. They’re the type of people that don’t have their two feet planted anywhere near the ground. They fly, and they keep flying. They have their mind fixated on solely reaching higher and higher up the sky just to blissfully enjoy the breeze.
They continue to fly up once the string is held securely in someone’s hand. The thought never crosses their mind that the person holding the string might ever grow tired, or that the person would only continue to hold on because it’s hard to release the string - because it’s hard to let go.
Sometimes, the kite flies away. Either the wind current was too strong, or maybe it slipped out of your grasp. In the end, the one holding the kite is always the one to blame for carelessly losing them - it’s the person who mourns of the lost kite and suffers the consequences.
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↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ
You were the type that always focused on studies.
A homebody was what you were. To you, school was meant for school. The topic of boys never interested you, and Yang Jungwon wasn’t anywhere never of an exemption.
Yang Jungwon, the notorious musical genius – the charming boy-wonder who lived in his own 4D world. People could say countless of sweet things to describe him, but you would forever see him as a person who was incapable of holding an interest for anyone for longer than his short attention span could hold – much more a romantic one.
You hissed in frustration, “Yang Jungwon, I swear to God, if you will not leave me alone -” your tone doesn’t faze him at all, as expected. He was immune to all your threats and remarks long before. A wide cheeky grin splits open his features before his hand reaches over and snatches your chemistry textbook at the mid-sentence of your threat, peeking over at it, “Chemical bonding?” he reads aloud, titling his head.
And he irritates you further. Your mid-term finals were next week, and you were barely getting any of the subjects done at this rate. You were close to college, and you did not want to have anything, or anyone mess it up.
You glare at him, “I’ve been at the same topic for the past half hour because of you,” trying to reach over your stolen textbook from the boy who never just seemed to leave you alone, his lips tug downwards in a musing pout. He stares at you before his eyes light up in thought.
Without another word, he leaves his chair beside you, not before passing you your book. You immediately grip onto your textbook with relief, skeptical that he’d grab it back away from you again.
Moments pass and you have the time all to yourself to study, but it’s too quiet for you - despite being at a bustling café. You turn your head to both your sides, eyes subconsciously searching for him. You blink, where did he go? Did you manage to kick him out once and for all -?
A whisper from your left ear interrupts your thoughts, and you feel a warm figure lightly pressing against you from behind, “try to sing out the formulas, they’re easier to remember.”
You almost yelp in surprise, jumping away from him. Where the hell did he come from? “Yah, are you crazy -?” you began, but he starts to lightheartedly poke fun. “C’mon, do it. It’ll be easier to remember,” he encourages you, pulling out a guitar from behind. You didn’t even bother to question where he had the time to get his guitar. All you were thinking about were ways to make him leave.
You shot him a look, annoyed. “Do what?”
He was always so childish. So bothersome.
He randomly strums out his guitar strings before picking up a tune, “Sing the formulas out,” his eyes momentarily directed you to the textbook laid out on the table, “I’ll help you with the melody. Go on,” you were ready to throw a harsh retort at him, telling him off to how he was wasting your time and how his idea was stupid - but his eyes; his perfectly shaped eyes looking ever so purely earnest your way.
You hated it.
You weren’t a musical genius or any of that sort, that was all Jungwon. You couldn’t just whip out the best melodic high note nor could you memorize a thousand slide powerpoint discussion even with the help of music. He didn’t have to worry about his grades - hence, his carefree attitude - and he didn’t have to stress over finals week when his career in music was already made out for him. All he ever did around school was tag along and annoy you, try the most obnoxious attempts to ask you out, play his guitar, and listen to music in the earphones he never took off.
You hesitantly look away, if you went along with him - maybe he’d go away once he got what he wanted to do. Little did you know how helpful the technique Jungwon suggested came out - or how fun it actually tuned out to be despite how awful your voice was, he was still looking at you like you were the singing like the angels.
Barely another hour later, you remarkably managed to get it all by heart and cover the topics that couldn’t have been covered in at least three days - with the help of the one person who has been disturbing you from studying in the first place. You could only gawk dumbly at his guitar.
Jungwon could sense your astonishment from miles away, and that made him all the more complacent with the huge beam he was wearing on his face. He wasn’t going to merely let this go. That trademark boyish look of his is back. “For my payment of very helpful service,” he starts as if you had ever asked him in the first place as he pretends to think, humming, “I’ll accept it in forms of you allowing me to take you out,” he suggests gleefully, his eyes sparkling in mischief.
You would normally scoff at his attempt yet again, telling him off - but this time. You couldn’t keep count of the endless tries he’s pulled this trick. This time you helplessly shake your head with a roll of your eyes. You couldn’t keep count of anything anymore, nor were you going to start now.
Yang Jungwon wasn’t going to give up on you.
… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺
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TWO YEARS LATER [ JUNGWON’S POV ]
Through the extent of his memory, you never failed to take care of Yang Jungwon.
Not once. No matter how hard you would push him aside and passively act like you didn’t care much about him, you would be there for him; you would always be there. By his side.
And then you were gone.
Jungwon was two years older now.
Checking the items in his shopping bag to see if everything was complete, he leaves the grocery store, rummaging through his purchased items when his body swiftly crashes onto something. He takes a few steps to regain his stance as he stumbles backward.
“Oh, sorry,” someone says, and it takes a moment or two before he snapped out of his daze. He turns instinctively to the direction of the voice as he tries to readjust his grip on his pile of bags.
That voice. He knows that voice.
But for a moment, his breathing halts, body stiffening instantly at the sight of someone he’d never expected to see. Never. Never again. Because this time, it’s you.
You.
You blink, showing mild surprise. And indifference. As if you were looking straight at a stranger. Your eyes pointedly averts itself away from him while you keep the proper formalities and try to start a conversation with your composure, “Uh, hello. How are you?”
To say that he’s caught off guard is too much of an understatement.
You looked different.
You looked good.
No.
You looked beautiful.
Is he dead? No, wait. What? Air gets knocked out of his lungs and he feels like he’s been punched in the gut at the same time.
You looked more beautiful than the image that he had of you for the past years, and it breaks him.
Like nothing has ever pulled you down – as if leaving you only did you good – as if it never happened or affected you by the least.
How could you look so well?
To say that Jungwon looked like a mess was an understatement.
He bit his tongue, cursing for choosing the greatest timing. He tugged at the hem of his shirt, subtly trying to adjust it. What should he do . . . now? How should he start?
How were you? Why didn’t you look for him? Were you doing fine? Did you find someone else? Have you moved on? Should he move on? Did you -
In the short silence, you seemed to be relieved to receive a text message, the ding that gives you an excuse to look away and check your phone. You make a face, feeling suddenly alarmed. Expression rushed, you formally bid him goodbye, and it fucking hurts him even more. “Nice seeing you. I should be on my way now. Have a nice day.”
A strangers’ nice pleasantry. With no sincerity.
But you walk away, leaving him – not bothering to ask him for another meet-up. Jungwon is left standing in the middle of the street, dumbfounded.
Like it ended here.
Is this it?
He wasn’t even able to get to say anything.
This was worse than being nothing to each other.
It was worse than being treated like someone you hated.
He tries to inhale.
Jungwon has no idea, honestly. Not anymore.
One day, he had told himself for years.
One day, he would broadly smile at you. He’d stand proudly confident, and you’d know that he’s gotten over you for good. He’d win and see that he’s no longer suffering. You would see. You would. He’d get over you.
But bumping into you for the first time in years had Jungwon rethinking if he’s ever gotten over your eyes in the first place.
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PRESENT
You can sulk for a little, throw a tantrum - but a kite is a kite. There’s no chance of it coming back; once you let go, it doesn’t look back at you to pause and run back to your hold. There was only one thing you could do from thereon: you could always forget about it, toss it aside like a child does, and replace it with a new one; making sure it’s a much better kind.
That. That was something you reminded yourself time and time again for the past two years. Though the line was taken from a measly television show that you’ve watched long ago, it’s been the only line of string that kept you from looking back - like a mother telling her child to stop crying over a lost kite.
But, right then and there, it was like time itself pauses for you when you stand in the same café four years ago, hearing the all-familiar voice that you could never forget. There, when you feel your heart beating out of your control and dropping dead. There, where you’re not sure of the extent of what you could restrain yourself from doing.
You don’t know how you’re suddenly transported to the direction of the soft voice - it’s familiarity greeting you, and for a brief second, the memories you’ve burned long ago painfully flash back to mind - you almost flinch.
[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ train wreck by james arthur ]
“I don’t wanna lose this, but I’m not getting through this. Hey, should I pray? Should I pray? Yeah,” Yang Jungwon.
It’s him.
Him, with his stupidly beautiful voice and his damn entrancing presence dragging you back harder than you remembered, and the pain he’s trying to immerse himself in as he ignores his physical surroundings.
And you.
You, as you’re trying to fight away the haunting flash of memories that are slowly starting to accompany you, and you, as you could do nothing but fleetingly watch him.
This was the second time you’ve bumped into him. You snorted, why was he always everywhere you went?
And it was like after the years of methodically stitching yourself back together, you’re transported back to the same person you were two years ago.
A fool.
“To myself? To a God? To a savior who can …”
You admit, there were days where you forgot his face - or in other words, days where you refused to acknowledge how he used to look at you. Days where it was too painful to even think about.
You swear to yourself that those days are long over.
Standing across the end of the room after three years of absolutely nothing from him felt suffocating, as if there was no air to breathe. You didn’t realize you were holding in a short breath, and when you exhaled - you felt pinning, and needles, and knives stabbed deep into your lungs.
“Unbreak the broken, unsay these spoken words. Find hope in the hopeless - pull me out of the train wreck,”
When Jungwon’s eyes slowly open, the first thing he sees is you.
Both your eyes meet, and he freezes. All too slowly. Everything in motion. You notice how his eyes widen, and how the old memories flash in his eyes all the same.
PainMiseryHurtDisbeliefHope-
The regret.
All this happens in front of you. A dream. A nightmare. All at once. Your face remains passive and unaffected, hard - nonchalant with ease, refusing to feel bothered. Time seems slow, but you don’t hesitate to casually walk away, being the first to break eye-contact. You didn’t want to spend another second in that room.
Your grip on the drink in hand tightens in its own accord.
You’ve moved on.
But what was this sort of feeling enveloping you in?
A teasing wolf-whistle startles you on your way out of the café, ripping you out of the lethargic trance you were warped into. “Was that an ex I saw over there?” You find Nishimura Riki with his shit-eating face and his waggling of eyebrows up beside you. Grimacing at his face, you harshly nudge your elbow to his sides in annoyance.
Breathing is a little bit easier with him around.
But you still feel like vomiting. “Is shutting up not part of how your brain is wired?” you roll your eyes, showing no effort at all to hide your agitation. He lets out an amused laugh, his playful gaze only duplicating itself as he proceeds to brutally tease you.
Riki isn’t an asshole. Not really. He’s what you’d call your best friend … without much other choice. Though he can perfectly embody one, he knows his limits (though you may sometimes find yourself doubting it) and the extents to where he can joke around. He can be all sorts annoying and a douche whenever food is on the line, but he’s the only one who’s stuck with you since day one of what happened two years ago - and never bothered to pressure you into questions that tormented you even further.
You lost contact with the friends you had once shared along with Jungwon. It felt embarrassing and uncomfortable to hang around them with everyone aware of what happened, until it was long months later that it just didn’t seem right to suddenly start hanging around them again after your efforts vigorously avoiding them.
You’ve lost a lot.
And you just met the man behind it all.
Nishimura Riki was sort of all you had, and he knew that too. He figured everything that happened eventually through time, by himself. Picking up the little things wasn’t too difficult to do, neither was piecing everything together with a little help and slow nudge from you over the years.
“He’s moving in this building, you know,” he looks over to your side.
Your stomach lurches, freezing in place. Your jaw nearly drops to the floor, gaping at him like your eyes would bulge out any second.
Over your fucking dead body.
That building was precisely the building you lived in. “What?” you nearly yell, causing passersby walking along the sidewalks to throw the both of you looks.
He rolls his eyes, “Geez, princess, clam down. I was kidding,” he bumps his shoulder next to yours, as if he was trying to shake you up. He starts going over about how you were showing ‘hang-ups’ symptoms before you start barking a mouthful of threatening-nothings to have him shut his mouth, running after him.
Something rings different, however.
Yang Jungwon.
The name lingers in the back of your head, no matter how hard you try to push it away. It’s been three years, but when the kite you’ve lost years ago - the kite you swore you’ve already forgotten about - comes back, what then?
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↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ
You weren’t necessarily the warmest type of person.
Blank faces, blunt responses, and sharp glares were all people received from you. You got others avoiding you in return, it was a give and take situation that benefited perfectly on both sides – perhaps more on your side. It worked as a repellent to kept everyone off your radar. And you liked that. You enjoyed being left alone. You found peace in your own solitude, away from other people. You were never exactly fond of people, either way.
Yang Jungwon was certainly a different breed.
Maybe it was the challenge that he liked, at first. You; the unwavering and ‘unbeatable’ challenge that provoked him – enticed him. That kept him coming. You were a brick wall, and he was someone who had the world at the palm of his hand.
But you don’t know how his intentions changed along the way.
You don’t know what made him change his mind – or what part of you that he saw that made him choose to do so, but it wasn’t of any use to figure out how.
Because he wanted you, now.
And he would ever-so-bluntly admit that.
All your efforts of shrugging him off made him fight harder for you. It was useless. The more you would curse at him with the harshest words just made him want to tag along by your side even more with that boyish grin never leaving his face.
He was a weird one.
“You know, you’re not as mean as how the people label you as.”
“And you’re more annoying than they claim you to be,” you don’t crack an amused smile. Jungwon wonders if he’s ever seen you smile – or even wear anything else of an expression that didn’t look bored, annoyed, angry, or enraged. He takes a moment to visualize how beautiful you would look when you smile and decides that he’ll do anything to see that happen. Just like that.
“You keep tossing me away,” he defended himself, the corner of his lips tugging downwards in the smallest pout.
“You keep coming back,” you retorted back, eyes shooting daggers.
By the look of his face, you realize your response wasn’t the best. “I’ll keep coming back to you,” he finishes. A lopsided grin. His brain was wired differently.
You didn’t hold back your prolonged suffering exhale.
It was a careless remark.
Such a recklessly made promise.
… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺
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↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ
[ JUNGWON’S POV ]
No one loves you like Yang Jungwon.
Whenever you’re blabbering about something with the biggest smile on your face, every time at that exact moment Jungwon knows that no one can ever be as fucking in love you like a dumb plain sheet of white paper like he can. Nor can they get to know you - or the 2 am you. They wouldn’t get to know how beautiful you look with the one side-lamp illuminating a side of your face - and the little things that come along with it, it’s only him.
It’s only him.
But when he stares into your eyes, he knows it all too. No one is as bad for you as Jungwon is either, he believes, and it fucking destroys him as he holds onto you tighter, his hands slightly trembling. He can’t lose you, he doesn’t want to, and he doesn’t know the person he’ll become if he ever does. He doesn’t know if he’ll even make a day after it.
Why didn’t he think that there would ever be an end to a sweet dream?
Yang Jungwon is your first, but someone else is going to be your last.
Someone else that wasn’t him.
He muffles the sound of the soft cries that escape him as you peacefully sleep next to him in his tight hold, unaware of what’s to come.
He’s everything that he promised you he would never be.
… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺
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THE NEXT WEEK
Riki must’ve placed some sort of curse on you for this to happen.
You could vividly imagine his shit-eating face with his loud laughter already.
Whatever witchcraft or shitty attempt of ‘fate’ this was, Nishimura Riki was going to be the cause of your death. Though this has barely anything to do with him, you can’t think of anyone else that brings that much bad luck to you. You’re seriously starting to think the world is unreservedly just fucking with you for entertainment.
Just when you thought you were never going to see him again.
Yang Jungwon stands at the front of the classroom, leaning on one foot with a backpack slung over his one shoulder. You almost facepalm, this was some Egyptian curse that was going to follow and haunt you, wasn’t it? Perhaps the ghost haunting you was in the form of your ex-boyfriend.
Of course, the new student had to just be him.
You never thought you would ever see him again. Thankfully, he doesn’t notice you and sits the farthest from your area. You keep your head focused on the individual work assigned to the class. If this whole thing could keep up, you could probably spend the next semester without him knowing you’re in the same class, then, you could hopefully change classes by the next - it wouldn’t be so bad. You didn’t have to acknowledge him.
That is, until the Professor starts assigning him roles and tasks. “There are the modules for you to read, and then around four individual minor projects to keep up with. The fifth individual project, however, majorly affects your grade,” he pauses, lightly smacking his lips as he scans his student list.
He flips through papers as he continues, “since you’ve missed most of the term, I’ll be pairing you up with Lim Seoyeon,” he drags the last word, scurrying through his papers to find another name, “and Y/L/N Y/N. Both are only lacking their thesis papers, while the others are still lacking to submit three projects, so it would be most convenient for her compared to the rest.”
Your stomach churns, feeling sick. Physically cringing, you felt like creating an uproar. Wherever Yang Jungwon goes, trouble always follows; this simply could not be happening to you. Lord, it was the least convenient to you.
This world couldn’t hate you this much.
You wanted to curse any of the gods above you placed you in this shithole, being beyond frustrated and unwilling. Anyone but him. You could only mournfully regret passing all your projects in advance, it was ironic. You get yourself into fucked up situations for being a good student? What is this university?
The Professor doesn’t clarify anything with you - nor does he justify the situation and the injustice, but only throws a nod in acknowledgement in your direction before he waves at Jungwon in dismissal - excusing himself from the classroom.
Your eyes could almost bulge out.
What was happening . . . ?
Jungwon’s eyes sweep over the room before he finds you, but you note how he doesn’t look the least surprised to see you. He stares, trying to discern your expression, but you once again break eye contact within a second.
You were in hell.
You had no option to stalk up to the teacher’s desk to bargain when the professor wasn’t there in the first place. You were fucking stuck with him. You felt the burning flames when he got up to make his way to you, and as he stood right in front of you. Choking to death because of a meatball in live television seemed like a much peaceful idea that kept most of your remaining dignity.
Maybe if you kept your head buried with studies, he would go away.
“Y/N,” a voice acknowledges you.
Fuck, you could remember that voice anywhere.
“It’s nice to see you.” Yang Jungwon.
You made a noise in response.
The feeling was not reciprocated.
You hate the way he sounds.
Like he wasn’t the same person three years ago.
You forcefully nod curtly at him, and you’re drowning.
Suddenly, we are strangers again. An unwanted stranger. There was no other option rather than tolerating him until it was all fine. You could do this. You didn’t want to, but you had to, otherwise you’d be at the polar end of the classroom by now if you had the choice.
But you chose to ignore him: Ignore the fact that he sat right next to you in close proximity, ignore the fact that you could smell his cologne - the familiarity of it and how it smelled like home, and ignored him like he never existed when he tried asking questions. In your defense, either they were a waste of time to answer, or they could easily be found in the textbook.
“Hi, I was wondering if –” Ignore it.
“Do you know where the questions for –?” Ignore it.
“Don’t you think this project is pretty difficult –?” Ignore it.
And you turned a blind eye to the fact that you disregarded him because you didn’t know if you could control yourself.
Seoyeon was a lifesaver, managing to keep you sane as she voluntarily chose to step in to help Jungwon out after hearing all his questions directed to you left unanswered. You wouldn’t know what you would do if you were forced alone with him. She reads the room but doesn’t question anything.
You tell yourself it was anger that made yourself this way.
Blind consuming anger.
You hate how Jungwon could still manage read you after all this time.
A quiet and gentle question, “Y/N, are you mad at me?”
You barely react, but your eyes squint on their own. You weren’t going to lie nor deny it, you do really wish he hadn’t chosen to interact with you. Staring blankly at your laptop screen, you don’t move. A hushed voice - a subconscious that you swore you lost long ago - in the back of your head whispers an answer before you force yourself to shove it down. You almost scoffed; are you mad at him? What kind of a dumb question is that?
He was nothing but an ass, he hadn’t changed.
“No, why would I be?” You answer brusquely, your tone signifying that you were keeping a distance from him without having to say it.
You hope the cue was taken.
There was no need to keep the friendliness with him – you weren’t obligated to. Formalities were all there was left. At least you would treat him with the respect that you were scraping your skin out for, right? Whatever you had with him - it was over. It was long gone.
You refused to be controlled under the palm of his hand ever again.
You swiftly pack your belongings and left him without a work or glance to spare his way the second you hear the bell signal the end of the period right on time. You don’t even bid your classmate, Seoyeon, goodbye. You’d apologize to her later and explain things to her, hoping she’d understand and lend a helping hand.
It’s been two years and the minute he shows up, you find yourself crumbling and unable to control yourself, and that frustrates you. You’re slipping.
Being around him was a waste of energy.
You remind yourself that you feel nothing.
He was a stranger to you now.
Once again, you walked away from him, gripping the strap of your backpack tightly in sheer annoyance and vexation. Mind racing, you try to find a reason; why was Yang Jungwon in your major and university and what in the heavens above does he want from you?
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LATER
Riki roars in laughter, his hand slapping his knee as he nearly falls off the chair. You were almost tempted to push him off.
“You think it can’t get any funnier than that, but it does!” he pretends to wipe away a fake tear, “you ignored him all the way through!” he bursts into fits laughter once again.
“Poor guy, getting the silent treatment from someone like Y/N on your first day at college is depressing,” he empathizes, though it doesn’t sound by any means sincere. Nothing about Nishimura Riki is sincere. “At least I’m not the only one Y/N treats like shit!” he notes positively with a beam on his face, but you’re not sure if that’s anything that’s supposed to be of positive news.
You whack the back of his head, and he whines. “When have I ever treated you like shit, you dumbass?”
“I’m taking this as a form of harassment,” he grumbles.
You stick your tongue out at him mischievously, “Oh, boo-hoo, you big baby, ‘s not like you don’t bully the hell out of me,” you roll your eyes, “and help out and do something about Jungwon, will you?” you ask him for a favor, your tone indicating exhaustion.
He furrows his eyebrows at you, “What’d you want me to do - bury his body? Doll, I barely even know the guy.”
You swing your arms - shooing something nonexistent away for gesturing, “Just keep him away! I don’t know, do one of those stupid ideas that you always come up with. I can’t stand seeing his face,” you complain, almost childishly stomping your feet in outrage. This was unlike you.
He lowly whistles, “I was really hoping for some real kind of exes-to-lovers type of k-drama lead coming to life,” he comments, and you muster the biggest disgusted glare at him. He only shrugs his shoulders with a mere ‘hey-what-can-you-do?’.
“However, there’s a …” he trails off, lighting up like a lightbulb with an idea in mind already.
You raise a brow, “A what?”
He looks at you with a grin, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows, “We can fake-date.”
You were dumb to ask him for ideas. You groan. “Not again.”
“C’mon,” he probes you, tugging at your arm. Was he really that bored with his life to want to fake-date you?
You blankly stare at him, deadpanned. “You get dumber and dumber the more I talk to you,” you don’t hold back from telling him, receiving a dirty scowl thrown at you, “I’m serious! Isn’t that what people do whenever one of their exes show up?”
Squinting at him, you ask, “Just how many fanfics have you been reading?”
He crosses his arms, “Make fun of me all you want, but we both know that those ideas never fail,” he huffs, “you wanted him gone, didn’t you?” he tries to resonate, “Everyone thinks we’re already a thing anyway, it won’t be too hard, or would it be much of a trouble if we just went on with it. We’re basically pros at this dating thing, aren’t we?”
You pinched the bridge of your nose, “Yes, and getting back at him would feel rightfully good as hell and all but,” you sigh in exasperation, hating to be the one to ruin the fun, “doing that would mess everything up even more, I’m sure. We’d be the ones ending up as the dumb fools in the situation. Did you already forget the time we fake dated to get that girl obsessed over you off your back? And how it backfired on us?” you stated, and Riki’s thoughtful silence justified your stance.
You’d rather die the most undignified death than have Yang Jungwon win the second time around, and that was not happening under Nishimura Riki’s watch.
“If I could just turn into a wizard or anything like that and ‘magic’ him away,” you plopped an arm up on the desk, resting the side of your cheek at the palm of your hand, “probably turn him into a damn ugly and useless broomstick while at it, too.”
Riki lets out a humorous short laugh at the sight of you, “Cheer up, princess,” he slings an arm around your shoulder, poking your cheek, “I’ll help you too, and I’ll beat him up whenever he tries to go near you; hot sexy Nishimura Riki cares about your cute dumbass,” You bump your hip playfully toward his. I’m not leaving you alone, is what he was trying to say.
He’d excuse it as simply returning the favor that he asked from you. The time when the both of you fake-dated, and it backfired – forcing you to reach extreme measures that went on for months.
Right, you had Riki. And he wasn’t going to just ditch you, not like him. He’s stayed firmly next to you for the past two years through all the shit you put him though (and all the shit he put you through). Riki may have been a rascal, but he was nothing compared to how shitty Yang Jungwon was.
You simply just had to keep going and help Jungwon out in certain parts while interacting the least you could and ignore him (or preferably call Riki to tell him off, he’d love to finally be given the chance to annoy the shit out of someone) whenever he tries anything funny. As soon as it was over, you’d do your stay out of his way and pretend like nothing happened. After all, he was the one who left. If anyone was trying to run away, it’d be him.
Everything was going to be fine. You didn’t care.
It was no big deal; no extensive measures were needed.
A sharp inhale.
You didn’t know if you were lying or if you were telling the truth.
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[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ yellow by coldplay ]
↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ
Jungwon liked to follow you around.
He also liked dragging you along with him with whatever excuse he could come up with. You never could really decipher what that oddball was thinking, just when you thought you caught up to him, he surprises you with something new every day.
Lee Heeseung, your senior, was discussing that week’s event that the school was holding with you when Jungwon swoops in and drags you away without second thought, “Sorry, hyung! Gotta borrow her today ~” he throws a grin, and Heeseung could only roll his eyes, staring in playful disbelief after the both of you, “ya, that’s what you said the last three times too!”
Jungwon gives the kind of pleading look you know Heeseung couldn’t resist, “I swear I’ll pay you back with free lunch, hyung!” he yells back. You were used to being dragged away or trailed around by him; it wasn’t anything of the ordinary. He winks at you.
No matter how hard you would try to avoid him or threaten him, he was always looking at you with the most mischievous silly and crazy ideas in mind.
On the other hand, he didn’t really enjoy the idea of you hanging out with other guys.
Could you call him delusional? You really wanted to.
And then there was this other instance, where Jungwon had sulked behind you the whole period, making noises that surely irritated you whilst you interviewed Park Jay for a class paper, who was a part of the varsity team. It forced you to spend the entire day with him for the interview, which Jungwon did not seem to like. It came to the point where you had to embarrassedly excuse yourself from the number of huffs and noises he was making. Jay was left giving confused looks, completely distracted from the whole topic that the whole interview was pointless no matter how hard her tried to ignore Jungwon.
“What is your deal?” You hissed at Jungwon in annoyance as soon as you scurried away from the varsity team, “you completely embarrassed me over there, you rascal!” He doesn’t hear you. He seemed deep in thought, as if he was battling with himself. Jungwon faced you with the biggest frown - looking more distraught than ever, “You don’t like him, right?”
Your mouth slightly hangs open, thrown off-guard. What?
“He isn’t your type, isn’t he? He doesn’t look like it. You’d never go for a guy like him.” He looked ridiculous – and it wasn’t much of a shock to you. An idiot and a loser. You figured it’d only be a matter of time before he completely lost his mind. It was as if he was talking to himself. You lightly whacked his arm, trying to get some sense into him and snap him out, “What are you talking about, you rascal?”
He bores his eyes onto yours, “Whatever. I won’t let you, anyway. I’ll stay by your side you ‘till the day I die if I have to.” His eyes were set with firm determination, yet you didn’t bother pressing on - being sure he was up to no good, as usual.
He was speaking, but you couldn’t piece together what he was trying to imply. You didn’t really care either, he was a weird guy. Still, you were frustrated at him for just having to mess everything up for you again, “I can’t believe you,” you muttered incredulously, turning your heel to start walking away from him – you were done with this boy.
“Hey – angel, no, wait. Where are you going –?”
… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺
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↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ
Admittedly, you didn’t hate Yang Jungwon as much when you had first met him, but the dislike started to grow at a profound rate when he started acting as a nuisance the more occasions he stuck around.
You weren’t exaggerating. Jungwon was just the epitome of overbearingly unable to understand social boundaries and your extreme dislike of having him in a 2-mile radius near you.
And you had your dignity, but Jungwon was an entirely different topic. Hiding from him in the gymnasium lockers was your last resort.
“Gotcha,” a cheery voice slides in beside you out of nowhere. Your heart almost jumped out of your body in fright, did he always have to jump-scare you out of nowhere?
“Seriously –?!”
“Stop playing hide and seek with me, angel. I’d love to play this game some other time with you but not now! We have somewhere else to go!” He has got to be shallow. Or dumb. Really dumb. You don’t know. As much as he loved blabbering endless nonsense around you that never seemed to make sense and was barely capable of leaving your side, you barely knew anything of him.
You glowered at him, “I’m not playing hide and seek with you, you rascal! I’m obviously avoiding you –!”
He pats the top of your head before gently grabbing your hand, interrupting your nth effort to knock some sense into him. “Let’s go! It’s my turn for a Y/N day.” he points forward, leaving the library baggage hall that he found you hiding in. A Y/N day? What were you to him, an item? You groan, sounding sorrow. You really thought you got away from him this time. “Yah, we’re going to miss class!”
You didn’t even know why you bothered.
Jungwon tilts his head, giving you a look as if to tell you to not worry, “We’re going to the river today, anyway. I brought my boombox with me,” he proudly tells you, and you aggravatedly sigh, feeling defeated. You swore you made all the measures needed to carefully avoid him, thinking you were finally left alone.
“Why do you always bring me along?” you deadpan, trying to wriggle free from his grasp. He was probably going to insert another flirtatious line or something among those actions. Why don’t you ever leave me alone?
You never really got it. Any of his interests, in fact. Why was he so determined to pursue you? There were countless of girls who were more of a ‘challenge’, and they were all the more interesting than you, with no doubt. What did he see in you? “Don’t you have any other friends?” you pulled a face at him. Jungwon has been by your side for such a long time that you grew accustomed to his presence, still, you weren’t going to admit that.
“I don’t want to hang out with them, I want to go with you,” he simply explains, as if it was the most obvious answer.
You furrow your eyebrows at him, irritated, yet curious as you stress, “Why?”
He pauses, still looking ahead as he guides you forward, “Being around you makes me happy.” You simply glance at him and the look he has makes you shiver.
Jungwon was always straightforward. There was not an ounce of shame in that man’s soul. He said what was on his mind without any filter, and he also had a peculiar way of thinking, which in terms, you guess, made him intelligent.
A beat passes, and you don’t find a retort to throw back at him.
Jungwon was like this beaming sunshine and busted in the dark hell you drowned yourself in.
Even if you enjoyed the darkness.
He always knew where to find you.
He found you.
… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺
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Every year.
Every moment.
Jungwon was always there.
Yang Jungwon always knew where to find you, it was like his sixth sense. He could spot any of your bullshit or anything that you were hiding from him in a mile radius. There was no bother in hiding from him. He would always pop up by your side with a lopsided smile, carrying his guitar around and whining to you because he wanted to do something fun.
He was a bothersome child.
He was there in the times you didn’t want to see him, and he was there in the times where you needed someone but there was no one to turn to. It was as if you could summon him, you would always retort.
Making up excuses was his specialty, he always seemed to disregard everything to tag along with you. He made crazily creative alibies that never seemed to run out just in order to be able to stay by your side.
Until one day he stopped.
Until one day he ran out of reasons.
So, where was he and what was he doing two years ago when he left you the moment you needed only him the most?
One day, you woke up and he was gone. You haven’t heard from him since. Not a trace left. Not a ghost left to haunt you. And somehow, that haunted you even more.
Where did you go?
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↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ
You liked the pastries that Jungwon used to make for you.
You remember that he made them for you a lot. Whenever you did a job well done on a simple test or if you overworked yourself, you always found a box of your favorite flavors on your desk or locker the following day. You didn’t have to question who it was from; he didn’t have to say anything.
You weren’t accustomed to having that kind of treatment. A simple job done is merely a simple job done. There hasn’t been much of a pat on a back or a congratulatory party for the little achievements, and that was completely fine you. However, that wasn’t the case for Jungwon.
Puzzled, you held up the mysterious box, “What is this?”
“Sweets. Try them and tell me if you like them or not,” you could tell that he was anxious in anticipation. You try and hand it back over to him, “Oh, I’m not really in the mood for sweets, you can go ahead and give them to Minju though, she loves -”
“I didn’t make them for Minju,” he stands in front of you, sort of dejected and earnest. That was a new look on him. His face seemingly somewhat deflated, and somewhat embarrassed. He scratches the back of his head awkwardly, refusing to meet your gaze as he shakes his head and changes his mind, trying to reach over the box to save his dignity in the situation.
Your eyes slightly widen, processing, “Wait,” you withdraw your extended arm, looking back at the box, pointing to it, “you made this?”
“It’s not really any -” Jungwon starts, reaching out for the box for him to take back but you swat his arm away.
“You should’ve said so, dumbass! I love things homemade,” you explain lightheartedly, your eyes glittering once you open the box to reveal damn beautifully decorated chocolates. Your mouth formed an ‘o’ shape from the blow, almost gasping.
He did that?
“You don’t have to act all that, you know,” Jungwon adds, and when you spare him a glace, you realize he’s being serious.
You roll your eyes at him, ready to punch his arm. Acting? He wishes! Was he just wanting more compliments from you, or did he really believe that his baking didn’t look like the prettiest things ever? They looked too beautiful to eat but you didn’t know if you could manage to restrain yourself from eating something that looked so delicious. “Shut up, look at that! Are you, like, a world-renowned baker or something?”
As soon as nearly half of the box was eaten by you, you mentally felt something hit you, like a pang. Though you couldn’t exactly discern what. You felt something, a lurch of it. A swell of happiness, a swell of being seen, a swell of not being alone, not anymore. “Jungwon?” you looked at him.
He leaned his weight against the wall in the front of you, taking one of his earpieces off, “Mm.”
“Thanks,” It was casual, but you meant it. You really did. He could read it from your eyes. He probably spent a lot of time making these, you thought. Then you realize that’s all he ever did to you; spend his time on you.
He’s sincere. A troublesome rascal, definitely. But sincere. It’s funny how it took him to just make some homemade sweets for you to see and realize, “you’re not that bad.”
You don’t know if you left him speechless, but you walk down the hallway with him staring after you. Words left unspoken.
Something new had changed then.
You didn’t know what to call it.
But it felt good.
… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺
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[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ meet me at our spot by the anxiety ]
THE NEXT MORNING
[8:04 am] unknown number: hi good morning
[8:04 am] unknown number: it’s jungwon :)
[8:05 am] unknown number: i just wanted to wish u a good day
[8:06 am] unknown number: i’m really proud of u
Four text messages to ruin the start of your day.
And in addition, there it was: the exact familiar box of pastries on the desk you were at yesterday that morning.
You nearly got yourself nauseous at the sight.
Were you dreaming?
Blinking it off, you snap out of it. You scoff, Jungwon was more shameless and a lot bolder than you thought. What was the box supposed to signify? ‘I’m proud of you’?, ‘I’m sorry’?, or an ‘I miss you’? Either way, you never knew Yang Jungwon could ever stoop so low.
Two years and the first thing he does is give you a box of sweets, was he thinking it’d pay back all the shit he pulled? Bribe you with sweets and suddenly everything would be okay?
Your resentment for him grew even more.
Anger was a better feeling to experience other than any of the other emotions.
At the side of your eye, you could see Jungwon. You pretend not to, and you try so hard. You don’t miss the glances he throws you, he was probably waiting for your response.
Surely, he should expect from you that the response was going to be nothing good. Does he know you at all?
Throwing it away seemed over the top, but you didn’t know what the rest of your options were. You hesitate, eating it would only make him believe that everything’s okay. And in case Jungwon didn’t get the memo: everything is not okay.
This won’t hurt you.
You toss the box to someone else; your hands slightly freeze on its own for a moment when you realize Jungwon was watching. Only for a moment.
You weren’t taking his bait.
You didn’t want it.
You don’t look at him, and you don’t bother to see his reaction. Biting down your tongue, you jabbed your pen down the desk forcefully - you ignore the sense of guilt. He asked for it.
It takes a bit more effort to remain nonchalant this time.
Jungwon was getting in your nerves. Again.
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LATER
You were dragged into a library group filled with people you barely knew of by Ningning and Seoyeon. You recognized Jake Sim from chemistry class, and a few others that you weren’t entirely confident you knew the name of. Jungwon was there. Of course, he had to be.
Though you were an expert at turning invitations and confessions down, you really weren’t much of the action type. Some would call you the ‘all bark, no bite’ type, but that was mostly because people who ensued and pressed on having it their way was just stubborn.
Most of your life, people went along your bark, it was rare that anyone went against it – but not impossible. Yang Jungwon.
The name flashes by your mind involuntarily as if it was a burn.
As if your mind works on its own, you find yourself staring at him – he paid no interest in the conversation as he mindlessly scrolled through his phone, bored. The only word he had ever said was when he had assertively stated that he wanted the seat that was close to yours. He had also joined the conversation and firmly voted against Jake sitting next to you. What a problem boy.
[02:44 pm] yang jungwon: u look good today
You were bored, but definitely not bored enough to be willing to immerse yourself into that mess.
You were entirely out of the group’s topic of conversation yourself, immersing yourself all in your head and thoughts until a girl named Naeun – you think – waggles her brows at you. “What about you, ms. ‘most-popular-with-guys’?”
“How many of them did you turn down this week?” Lee adds into it lightheartedly, poking fun.
Jungwon’s attention is immediately averted to you – and you hate that you can feel his gaze boring into your face.
You feel more uncomfortable than ever, trying to argue with them, “What? That’s not true—!”
Ningning’s eyes glint in mischievousness, taking in your denial as something you were embarrassed about as she joins into the conversation. But it wasn’t, not entirely.
You were highly uncomfortable. “Don’t deny it. You’re more than just ‘popular’ with guys. I swear I saw with my own eyes at least two guys try and hit you up on this exact library alone from the past few days.”
You could hear chortled laughter from around you.
You know none of the voices belonged to or were from Jungwon.
You’d rather suffocate.
“I heard you were pretty popular with the guys during your high school years too!” Seoyeon chirped. You felt nauseated. Where did they even hear that information? You incredulously retorted to yourself.
“D’you date any of them?” Lun from literature class pipes in, interested. You feel your face turn hot against your will. “Any hotties you can introduce me to?” someone adds into it suggestively, clearly enjoying the topic of discussion.
Your face starts to sour, reeking of irritation.
“Ooh! I remember hearing Y/N dated a guy during high school. That’s probably why she wasn’t able to date much?” Ningning suggests, and you wanted to kick her out of the room. Was anyone just not able to pick out on social cues? Was everyone not able to notice how uncomfortable you looked?
Seoyeon’s eyes enlarged in alarm, “Y/N dated before?” Despite the distressing situation, you almost slipped out a laugh, you were always known for your strong dislike towards romance and men and you liked it that way. You guess the impression still hasn’t changed.
He’s in the exact same room right now, you wanted to spit out. Your face hardens, but you don’t say anything.
“What’s the big deal? We were barely anything anyway.”
Ningning does not get your clue, instead, she looks more confused than ever. “Huh? From what I heard; you both were pretty serious.”
“You never told me anything about him,” Seoyeon complains, grabbing your arm and repeatedly swinging it around. With everyone’s attention on you, your usual ‘i-hate-everyone’ façade falls into dust.
You snort, keeping your tone casual, “About what? He was barely anyone special, in the first place.”
A bunch of unanimous curious ‘oohs’ were heard around the room. “Oohlala, spill. What made the relationship end?”
You take a thoughtful pause, as if it was the first time you were giving it thought, “He was selfish.” A shrug.
You ensure that the whole table hears your answer, especially him. Ningning scrunches her nose in distaste at your answer, “Ugh, typical. Boys really aren’t shit.”
“You’d give your entire world to them, and they decide that it’s not enough. Discontented assholes.” Lee comments with a bunch of insults thrown away without regard, and the Seoyeon pretends to vomit at the mention of boys. “Dirtbags. His loss,” is all she says.
You really don’t have any idea of what to do in this situation.
A strangled noise escapes Jungwon, and he covers it up with loud coughs. He looked like he’s just been badly burned, and you try to casually shift in your seat. The rest of the group takes it as a cue to ask him the same question as well, figuring he wanted to be included.
“And what about you, newbie?” Jake notices, an effort to try to get Jungwon to feel included. “Ever dated before?”
He stares blankly in response. A glance your way, and it takes a fraction of a second for you to avert your eyes away. You hope no one caught that. A moment. Or two. Until, “No, never.” Casually, with a helpless shrug before his attention was back on his phone. He doesn’t even regard that you were ever a part of his past.
Your insides clenches on their own.
That was it. The signal. You were back to being notoriously known for your cold behavior, good grades, and popular game with men, while Jungwon was back into his reputation of being a cute and care-free affectionate and loveable brat that would never do anyone wrong.
Everything was back the way it started.
Rewind. A start over. Where Jungwon doesn’t get to see the nurturing, caring, childish, and mischievous side of you, and where you never got to see the depth to him: his coolness and his silence. The eyebrow lifts, his head-pats, his reliability, his loyalty, his promises, his stories, his determination – everything about him that everyone missed, that was simply nothing now.
We’ll never be those kids again.
Your phone buzzes.
[02:52 pm] yang jungwon: i figured u didn’t want them to know.
[02:54pm] yang jungwon: are you mad?
Both your eyes meet in the midst of the others bickering with each other.
All the remnants of history erased.
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↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ
[ JUNGWON'S POV: 1 YEAR AGO ]
“I’ve been looking for you all night!” she skips, twirling in front of him, “What d’you think? I figured you might like this outfit.” She had an annoying voice, and was definitely way too clingy. Black long hair or something, honestly, any of the faces he’s seen were all only just blank and empty to him.
Jungwon doesn’t even regard her existence.
“C’mon ~” The girl drags, tugging at his arm. He doesn’t even know her name. He’s probably crossed by her more than a couple times with the way she was acting.
She was annoying. Not like you at all. No one was like you.
Jungwon was already in a sour mood. “You’ve been stuck at the couch all night, you lame-dummy!” She points a dragging finger to his chest, “No one wants to be a lame-dummy, c’mon, come with me! It’ll be fun,” she tries to persuade in a sing-song voice, inviting him in.
It doesn’t shake him by the least.
He shakes his head, shortly emitting a single scoff in irritation as he jerks away the hand on his shoulder. His tense facial features say everything. Without saying another word, he chooses to leave the room quietly and awkwardly without bidding goodbye to the other friends who invited him.
These parties were useless. Everything was useless. Every day was too boring and empty without meaning.
He had no place here.
This wasn’t where he belonged.
He damn well still belonged to that person he always has belonged to.
You.
… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺
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[09:12 pm] yang jungwon: hello bo ;]
[09:12 pm] yang jungwon: i hope u had a good day :)
[09:17 pm] yang jungwon: i’m always here if u need me
[09:17 pm] yang jungwon: just so you know
[09:17 pm] yang jungwon: i’ll always be there
[09:20 pm] yang jungwon: and i hope i crossed your mind at least once..
read
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A FEW DAYS LATER
You were beyond thankful to have Seoyeon around him to save yourself the awkward interactions.
She was the icebreaker. The only factor that allowed you to act as if Jungwon wasn’t there in the first place and ignore his existence. Given that she was an icebreaker, she was also clueless.
She had no idea of the hatred you had for him - or the reluctance to look his way, much more interact with him. It wasn’t her fault, but you wish you rather didn’t have to explain the situation to her as the only option for her to stop trying to get you and Jungwon to talk.
“Wasn’t yesterday fun? It was nice having new people around,” she brings up as a conversation starter. Jungwon was minding his business working on his project on the side, the both of you had your free time. You politely smile at her, and you know it looks genuine. Explaining things to her wasn’t ideal – you shudder that the possibilities that would happen once you’d confess the situation.
Maybe Jungwon was a private secret of your past that you were never meant to bring up to those in your present.
“That reminds me, who’s the group you hang out with? We really should hang out more.” She slightly frowns before adding, “You’re really fun!”
“You too,” you add with a half grin, and you genuinely mean it. You kindly nod in agreement with a laugh, desperate to end the topic – but Seoyeon doesn’t cease her intent of giving up her first question.
She smiles at you expectantly as she awaits for an answer, and though you know she’s really just trying to make friends, if awkward topics were all that she was going to be bringing up around you, you would rather not converse with her at all. “Oh uh, that question,” you forced a laugh that comes out awkward, “no one else, really.”
Her lips form a small ‘o’ shape, apologizing for intruding. She softly gasps, alarmed, “Really? To be honest, I think it’s because everyone’s intimidated of you. It was until a few seconds ago that the whole campus figured you had countless of friend groups. Me included.”
You furiously shake your head at her, making a dreadful face in which she giggles at, “Oh God, no.” you comment, “it’s really just me,” you pause, “and Riki of course. Riki. Me and Riki. No one else. Kind of a loner,” you coughed out an awkward ramble, but Seoyeon never even seemed to mind.
“That’s cool, neither way! I get to have you to myself,” she teases lightheartedly as she links her arm around yours.
You were too flustered to notice that Jungwon had heard everything.
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THAT EVENING
[10:21 pm] yang jungwon: hi love
[10:22 pm] yang jungwon: you must be tired i hope u rest up tonight :)
[10:22 pm] yang jungwon: i’ve really missed u
[11:49 pm] yang jungwon: goodnight love, sweet dreams :) ♡
read
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By the next day, at the end of class, you’re forced to work with Jungwon at the library for the afternoon. Seoyeon was running late by fifteen minutes. This was the only time you didn’t mind.
The air is cold, and the tension was cutthroat, you could suffocate, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. Starting a friendly conversation? Why even bother?
You decided to ask him straightforward the moment he tries to initiate conversation by asking you a question, cutting him off, “What are you pulling at?” you blankly stared at him, pokerfaced. Maybe you went off too aggressive, but his face slacks; he was definitely accustomed to your whole act of ignoring his existence, and probably never expected you to even spare a glance his way.
A long pause before he regains his composure, “What do you mean?” his voice is a lot quieter and controlled compared to the past. Now that you notice it, he’s changed in a lot of ways. He’s no longer the bright happy-go-lucky rascal that you were once familiar with. No longer the one who didn’t care about grades, but the one sitting beside you at one of the best universities. He’s … matured a lot.
“The messages?” cutting directly into it, your eyes narrowed on him, “what are you trying to pull at?” you interrogate him. Tell me lies. Tell me the truth. Tell me you’re leaving. Tell me you’re staying.
Surprise is written all over his face, catching him off gaurd, “They’re nothing,” he clears his throat, words getting caught in the midst of it. “I just thought … I, um,” he trailed off, avoiding direct eye contact.
Your hard gaze doesn’t falter, patience running thin. “Spit it out, Yang.”
He winces at your tone, and you wished you hadn’t seen that. “I just thought that you needed it. Not needed it exactly, but, well, I assumed - I wanted to let you know -” he doesn’t finish his sentence, but starts another one instead, “I just miss you,” he states, and he’s looking at you - you remember that kind of look. The kind of look that would once tug at your heartstrings.
Once.
You don’t know what Yang Jungwon is pulling at.
Hm.
You stare down hard at him - eyes narrowed, prospecting, judging, and surveying. You no longer tremble at his words. You don’t falter. Have you grown immune to them? Maybe you were sincerely and truly over him after all.
He was pulling at his charms. His thoughtfulness - the little aspects that’d make you believe that he actually cared; the things you so easily fell into. Not anymore. Not after you believed, once.
Once was enough. It’s all a simple game to him, isn’t it?
The day you break down in front of him and let him hold the strings again would be the day you would die.
Not showing a flicker of emotion, you nonchalantly tsked, irritated, “Don’t bother again, will you?”
Jungwon doesn’t say anything, but you feel his lingering stare.
Your settling glare on the textbook in front of you could burn holes. You let him go – you dismiss him, but he never leaves his spot.
Why does he always linger behind?
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[01:03pm] yang jungwon: i don’t know if we should be alone together
read
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[02:54pm] yang jungwon: i really can’t control myself when you’re around
read
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[04:23pm] yang jungwon: i miss the old you
[04:26pm] yang jungwon: im sorry
read
How much was it going to take for you to admit that you felt the same?
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[05:33pm] yang jungwon: just so you know i didn’t mean it that way
[05:33pm] yang jungwon: i just noticed that you’ve changed
[05:33pm] yang jungwon: of course you’ve changed
[05:35pm] yang jungwon: you don’t look at me the same anymore
read
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[04:47am] yang jungwon: hi bo
[04:47am] yang jungwon: im sorry but i cant
[04:48am] yang jungwon: i really cant let you go
message delivered
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A FEW WEEKS LATER
It didn’t take much for her to piece together. She noticed the pattern of behavior from you, your sour and aggravated persona, and Jungwon’s desperate efforts, then figured you were probably his ex.
“You know,” she clicks her tongue, “the thing about love and hate is that there’s a very thin line between them.”
She squints, fingers fiddling around with a penny as she tries to explain, “they’re two sides of the same coin.”
You made a face. She’s been going about this for hours and showed no sign of stopping. Whining, you turn her way, “what are you taking about this time?”
A grin. She raises both her brows in surrender, “You guys got a lot of unfinished business.”
You give her a look, unimpressed.
“The guy nearly snapped his head yesterday the moment he heard you laugh because he wanted to know what you were laughing about,” Seoyeon stares down at you steadily, provoked that you managed to toss the fact over too easily.
You throw her a crumpled piece of paper, and she easily dodges your throw. “Sure.” you snort, barely feigning any interest.
“Cut him some slack! He was your ex for goodness’ sake, some feelings for him still have to be there at some point. You can’t hate your ex that much without actually-maybe-probably loving them,” she singsongs teasingly. This was lighthearted, you knew, but.
You deadpanned. Feelings.
She has got to be serious.
Some feelings still have to be there.
Your heart didn’t feel anything.
Not anymore.
She stares at you in the silence, faking astonishment.
Her mouth forms a small ‘o’, “You’ve got to be serious.”
You only blink at her.
“Stop … don’t you feel anything for him anymore? Or is it like … nothing at all?” Of course, she was talking about him, you knew that - but why were you suddenly caught off guard? This was crazy.
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
No one has ever asked you this question.
How were you going to answer that?
You resented him.
You were angry. More than pissed.
You hated everything about him.
Your face scrunches up in disgust at the thought, but you answer her question after a pause, “One thing I know for sure,” you start casually, pausing in consideration, “is that I don’t want to see that annoying face of his again.”
You meant every word, this time.
You were willing to do whatever it took for that to happen.
At that moment, Seoyeon then concludes that the both of you had unfinished business. Jungwon was clearly not over you, anyone with a mile radius could see that. The boy was drop-dead crazy for you.
The more you try and repress feelings, the larger it grows.
How cliché does that sound?
She tilts her head to the side, glancing your way. But in a way, she knew it wasn’t one-sided, either.
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[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ all too well by taylor swift ]
↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ
“Jungwon?” you whispered incredulously. Rubbing your eyes due to your half-asleep state, you leaned your frame against your door with your worry starting to alarm you awake. “What’re you doing here?”
Standing at your apartment door, your boyfriend appeared rugged, his eyes tired and drowsy. You noticed his clothes were still of what you saw him wear yesterday morning. your heart ached to see him in such a state, concluding he had spent the whole day producing, working, and overworking himself without rest. You hated whenever he did this to himself.
Seeing you frown, Jungwon pulls you to his embrace, wrapping you around his arms with a contented sigh, “Just wanted to see my baby,” he mumbles out incoherently, fighting through sleep, “I’ve missed you.”
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You clung onto him, your face still at a cloudy state of haze – unreservedly astounded. Meanwhile on the other hand, Jungwon continues to laugh over your dumbfounded look. He pinches the sides of your cheeks, cooing over at you. As you try to wriggle yourself away, you found yourself embracing your figure back into his arms to squeeze his waist tightly in fear that he might disappear. He teases you at the action, lightheartedly calling you his little koala, but you don’t miss the endearing tone to his voice – or the way his breath hitches from your embrace.
“You’re here,” you managed to breathe out to yourself, burying your forehead against his neck. Squeezing your eyes shut, you desperately hoped to the gods above that the moment you opened them, everything wasn’t just going to turn out as another dream of yours. You could barely process much more comprehend what was going on, ‘he’s here, he’s here, he’s here’ were the only notions you could formulate by the slightest, chanting through your brainwork repeatedly for you to comprehend. Humorously, you didn’t wonder how he was possibly here, or why. He shouldn’t be - he was too busy.
You didn’t think about the fact that he’s supposed to be halfway across the world working on his production, and definitely not here. Inhaling his scent, your ongoing worries and stress had seemed to evaporate, your form relaxing almost immediately. He smelled like home.
The loud chatters and distinctive outside noise from people passing by that surrounded the both of you, along the fact that the both of you were in a public place – all had seemed to drown out and appear forgotten. You clung to his warm figure after months of being apart, out of all the days you’d secretly dreamed about him surprising you, you never figured today was going to be that day. You clasped onto him even tighter, your smile growing wider by the second, it’s been quite some time since you ever felt half this happy.
He let out a low vibrating laugh with your face pressed against his chest, engulfing you tightly around his hold whilst swaying the both of you side to side. It was little moments and acts of efforts like these that mattered most to you. You drowned yourself at the rhythm and sound of his heartbeat that spoke the words the both of you already knew; he had missed you.
“I promised, didn’t I?”
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.
Maybe you were always too busy for Yang Jungwon when the both of you dated.
Maybe that was it.
Maybe that was the reason why.
Or maybe he simply always seeking attention from you, constantly and childishly. He complained about you studying too much as he started sulking alone was, he wandered around the place ‘miserably’, while you were trying to place your focus on your book, refusing to give into him again.
A little later and he tossed the fact that he had to pick up some errands, and you volunteered to help accompany him since he mentioned that he’d only be out for a while.
But after picking up the things he had acquired through his errands, the rain was against your luck and poured heavily. You cursed at yourself, having brought no umbrella with you. Looking at Jungwon, you could judge immediately by then that he didn’t bring one as well.
“Running for it sounds pretty good,” you suggested with a beam on your face, but you noticed how Jungwon huffed in disagreement, not approving of the idea; worrying that the rain might get you hurt or sick as he starts pulling out deliberate excuses and reasons.
“It’s too slippery out in the rain, you might fall,”
“Car accidents happen more often in the rain,”
“You’ll get sick, can you afford to be sick at a time like this?”
You ignored all his protests when you decided to just audaciously leave the store entrance before walking into the rain without any given warning.
He doesn’t say anything, and when you glanced back at him in question, you immediately noticed how visibly irritated he was with you misbehaving and ignoring him. Jungwon was always overly protective over you.
Though you appreciated it, his over-protectiveness wasn’t something you exactly needed at this time of your mid-terms. You just needed to study, and Jungwon could simply work on his music. The place you were at wasn’t too far from home, so it wasn’t exactly too absurd to make a run for it.
His eyes zeroed on you, giving no humor in his eyes, “Come back in here.”
You looked at him with fake-pleading eyes, “I left my notes back home,” you frowned.
“I don’t care. You are not getting sick.”
He wanted to sit the rain out, of course he did. But you didn’t know when the rain was going to stop, or if it ever showed any signs of stopping, in the first place. Just by your boyfriend’s tone itself, you knew you got yourself in trouble. That was not a good sign, he would always pull some crazy idea that would always try to teach you a lesson.
You didn’t move an inch from your spot.
Jungwon hurdled at you once he realizes that you were being stubborn, wrapping his arms around your waist securely regardless of the hefty downpour of rain, “Step another foot further and I’ll make sure you’ll never be touching your beloved notes again.”
“Ugh, Yang Jungwon, are you crazy?” you argued, trying to untangle yourself from him but his firm grip wouldn’t let you go.
“Jungwon, I’m serious! I really need to study, I have my exams—!”
“Aish, you’d be on your deathbed, and you wouldn’t even think of me at all, you would only care about studying!” he contested nonsensically as he dramatically complains.
You scowled at his comment, your face souring as you try wriggling yourself out of his grasp even harder, “Yah, you rascal!”
“Come back inside and I’ll let you go,” he conditions, a small grin showing that he had won. You glower at him, but having no choice but to subit and wait the next two hours by the porch of the store for the rain to subside. He covers you by towering in front of you, ensuring that you weren’t going to get hit by the rain.
Jungwon was a lot of maintenance - a lot of people would say, but he was adorable.
And most of all, he was yours.
… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺
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PRESENT [ JUNGWON'S POV ]
Jungwon spends the rest of his night at school fixing up your science project, without an ounce of sleep.
He finds Sunoo dropping by the room, slightly jumping in surprise at the sight of him there. He covers his chest with his hand, “What the hell are you doing here?” he lightheartedly scolds him.
But he pauses squinting at him, “Were you . . .” his eyes widen, “Dude, did you spend the entire night here?” he asks Jungwon, bewildered. “Doing . . .” he tilts his head, taking a peek, and his mouth hangs open as he finally pieces things together, “-Y/N’s science lab project . . .?”
Sunoo’s eyes almost budge out of his sockets. “Isn’t this what Y/N’s been worrying crazy about –? How did you –?”
He couldn’t exactly admit that he’s overheard you complaining about your project and begging others to help you with it miserably. He knew you always took your grades seriously, but, how could he explain this to Sunoo of all people?
Jungwon looks conflicted, immediately standing away from your project. He was finished wish it, anyway. He just needed to get here undetected by you. Kim Sunoo was a problem, however. There was no way Sunoo wasn’t not telling you about this.
“Don’t tell her I did this,” Jungwon tells him, reading Sunoo’s next moves.
His eyes dart from the project to Jungwon. He frowns, confused. “Why not?”
Jungwon hesitates with his words, being careful. “Just because. Don’t.” What the hell can he say? The bell rings, and he panics.
“She has a hell of an ego, you know this. Tell her you fixed this or something. I don’t know. Make some shit up.”
He scurries out the lab but hangs behind at the entrance door for a few seconds.
Jungwon emphasizes what he’s told Sunoo. “I’m counting on you, bro.”
He slips away like a ghost.
Sunoo tells you that Ningning and Jake helped with your final lab project, and you believed it – eyes sparkling with relief and complete utter gratitude. You wondered how they got to finish the project in a day. They were the chemistry experts of the class, anyway – who were you to question them?
Sunoo sees Jungwon at the side of the room looking at you and your project. He watches him watch you. How happy you were with the project, and the endless showering of compliments. Was he really just . . . not going to tell you?
Sunoo takes a look at both you and Jungwon and scratches his head in utter confusion. What was going on with the both of you?
He has no idea what that boy is hiding.
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A FEW DAYS LATER IN THAT WEEK
Jungwon really was getting in your nerves.
On your way to class, you did nothing but mind your own business when he swirls out of nowhere and pushes you aside, refraining you from entering the classroom. You furrow your eyebrows in annoyance, trying to wriggle away from his grasp, but his grip stays firm. He’s holding the sides of both your arms to let you stay in place, looking anxious and rushed. “Wait.”
“Yang Jungwon, what the hell?”
He tries to find words to say, but he can’t find any. “I . . . like the color of your hair. Did you dye it?”
Your stare is blank. “What?”
“I need recommendations. I might use it too, so –“
“This is my natural hair color.” you deadpan, without an ounce of friendliness, “now if you’ll excuse me –”
“No! Gah,” he lets out a frustrated noise, rushed, “. . . the speech report! I need help in –“
He was messing with you. He had to be.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to do,” you try to breathe in calmly, but you were talking through your gritted teeth. “You submitted your speech report last week,” you hissed, your patience running thin.
You finally wriggle yourself free from his grasp, and that was when the panic was evident in Jungwon’s features.
You barely get to move an inch before, “Do you still have hang-ups on me?” He rushes out of nowhere, an attempt of desperation.
What?
To say that you were at a loss for words was an understatement.
You freeze. Staring at him, dumbfounded.
Were you simply a joke to him?
What was he saying? He was desperate, willing to just have your attention anywhere else. You could not enter the room. That was his plan.
You were trying to regain composure. Clamping your jaw down hard, your eyes narrowed. “Please, kindly fuck off.”
You stalk away, pissed off.
As soon as he ensured that you were walking the opposite direction, and Jungwon heaves a small sigh of relief. At least.
He budges the door classroom open – the room he had noticed that a couple of asshats were trying to pull on harsh pranks on – and immediately, an old tray of leftover food spills from above, falling flat on the floor instead as Jungwon dodges it from anticipating this beforehand.
And you piece thing and thing together.
This was what he was driving you away from?
Because that could’ve been you.
His eyes settle on the group of bullies seated at the end of the room. He cracks his knuckles. Jungwon’s eyes have never been so deadly.
Jungwon comes in class later with a purple bruise coloring his upper left cheek, and a busted lip.
You don’t ask him the story, but instead, you assume the worst in him. Like you always do.
He’s up to no good.
He always was.
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[08:12pm] yang jungwon: are you going?
[08:21pm] you: ?
[08:21pm] yang jungwon: oh hi love
[08:22pm] yang jungwon: are you coming to gyeonju tower tomorrow? i wanted to tell you in person today but you seemed like u were in a rush to leave
[08:24pm] you: ? what do you want
[08:25pm] yang jungwon: i wanted to explain things
[08:25pm] yang jungwon: and explain myself
read
[08:53pm] yang jungwon: i want to make things right
[08:54pm] yang jungwon: please let me, bo
[08:54pm] you: im busy.
[08:57pm] yang jungwon: i’ll be waiting for you tomorrow at 1pm
[09:00pm] you: i said im not going.
[09:02pm] yang jungwon: just one chance, please
[09:04pm] yang jungwon: one last one
read
You didn’t care, you weren’t going.
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THE FOLLOWING DAY
You’ve decided that you wouldn’t go.
You won’t go.
You won’t go, end of discussion.
You spent the last night considering it until two in the morning. You’ve finalized your decision. “This is a no-brainer. Who does he think he is? I’m not giving him the satisfaction,” you rant morely to yourself - it was almost as if you werer trying to convince yourself instead.
You tug at the ends of your hair in frustration, hissing. Both Ningning and Seoyeon watches you in silent amusement after being told of the situation. The two were the only ones who knew about you and Jungwon, and the only two who you’ve been ranting to for the past two hours.
“I’m not going,” you repeat aggravatedly, exclaiming as you fling your arms. You pace around the room.
Ningning languidly lazes around the chair as you frantically pace around the room, “So you’ve told us for the past forty six times,” she can’t help but comment, fighting away her grin. You scowl at her, grabbing the strap of your bag to sling it around your shoulder.
“You guys are annoying. I’m leaving.”
Both Seoyeon and Ningning stare after you, waving you goodbye at your stressed state.
Ningning props herself up with her elbows, leaning her cheek with the palm of her hands as soon as you’ve left the room. She stares at Seoyeon, who was mindlessly scrolling through her phone, “She’s definitely going, isn’t she?”
Seoyeon tosses the bag of chips that she’s been hogging Ningning’s way - which she accepts immediately, munching down on the ones on her palm with disinterest, “Yep.”
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LATER, 1 PM
You tug awkwardly at your sleeve, eyes searching for a certain figure in mind as they bunglingly dart around the place.
So, maybe you really did end up going to the tower. Just to check things out. That was it. And maybe see if he was there. If he really showed up. Hear what he wanted to say if it was important. Nothing more. You felt bad just leaving him alone - you weren’t like him, intentionally leaving someone on for hours to wait for you.
You had a conscience. You simply showed up because you didn’t want to be burdened by it.
You don’t know how long you waited on the first half of the period under the heat of the sun from the tower, but by the time you take out your phone to check the time, it was half past one in the afternoon.
Tick-tok.
Tick-tok.
You stare at your phone’s lock screen, expecting a text from Jungwon to pop up any second to inform you that he was probably running late. Anything.
An hour passes by.
You figure you’d give him another thirty minutes. Just another thirty minutes. If he wasn’t going to show up, you didn’t care anymore. You would leave.
It was past 30 minutes.
Another hour passes by.
Until rain starts to lightly drizzle.
Until clouds start to darken.
Until your legs start to ache.
And until you were soaking and clothes drenched with water in the pouring heavy rain.
Again.
Until it dawns on you.
Jungwon isn’t here.
He wasn’t coming.
He was never going to.
And there you were, standing alone stupidly – a fool. A fool who never learned her lesson after two years.
He was enjoying this; toying with you, he’s got to be.
You don’t know why you really expected anything else from him.
A heavy exhale.
You don’t know why you hoped you did.
.
.
.
You get a call from Jungwon by the evening. You were dumbly weak enough to easily get manipulated to answer the phone.
He sounded frantic, “Hello? Y/N? I’m so sorry, I wasn’t able to attend our meet-up. I’m - I’m really sorry, I was really planning to go -” You wish you could believe him.
“Yeah. It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” you sound too monotone for your words to sound like you meant them.
“I’m so sorry that you waited on me, I promise I’ll make it up to -” No more promises. No more, Jungwon. I can’t take anymore.
You harshly cut him off, oppressive. “What do you mean? I didn’t come. I told you I won’t, didn’t I?”
You still had your dignity. Lies were all that you had left. You’d lie just for Jungwon to not get that sense of satisfaction from you. You wouldn’t let him.
He is silent, “Yeah, I know.”
You inhale, vexed. Your eyes flicker around the room, feeling flighty with apprehension. “What’s up, anyway? What held you from coming?” you made an effort to sound as casual as possible bringing it up, as if you didn’t care. As if you didn’t spend the whole afternoon drenched in pouring rain waiting for him.
A long silent pause again. You could tell he was hesitating to answer.
He tries to let out a lighthearted laugh as he waves it off, "It’s nothing.”
It was nothing, again. It’s always nothing. Were you ever something - anything - to him?
It takes a moment for you to register his response. How effortlessly care-free he was about it. Your tone appears tight, “Okay. Well, it’s good that you weren’t able to go. I wasn’t there anyway.” You didn’t know what else to say other than stressing that you never came. That you didn’t care.
Lie.
“Oh,” is what Jungwon replies with, he sounded distracted - like his mind wasn’t in the conversation. He wasn’t interested in talking to you anyway, why did he bother calling?
You grit at your teeth, “I’m not a fool, Jungwon.”
You don’t know if he’s even listening to you, you start to question. It takes long for him to respond, “I know.”
He was being as short with his responses as ever. Was this what he called explaining himself? You doubt if he ever cared about making it up to you in the first place. You try to hide your disappointment in your tone with impatience, “Is that all? I’m gonna go now. I’m busy.”
You don’t wait for his reply.
You immediately end the call and toss your phone as far as you could.
You hope that was worth it for Jungwon.
.
.
.
[ JUNGWON’S POV ] . . . what really happened
Jungwon woke up three hours earlier that day.
When Jungwon was getting himself dressed, a boy from across the city was still sleeping through his alarm that he wasn’t able to set the night before. Meanwhile, a girl was waiting somewhere in the city’s lobby, waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up.
While that happened, Jungwon was on his way to a jewelry shop to buy you a gift. He was beyond excited to see you. The boy from across the city was still sleeping, but the girl’s boyfriend eventually came to pick her up. On the other side, Jungwon had forgotten his credit card, and had no other option to pay by cash.
By this time, the sleeping boy’s mother barges into the boy’s room to wake him up as he was late for class – and asking him if he spent another late night playing with his friends. The girl in her boyfriend’s car receives a text from her ex while her boyfriend stops by to pick up the cake they ordered for their anniversary.
Jungwon was nearly at the Gyeonju tower when the boy who was running late for class stumbled out of the house, got on his bike, and peddled as fast as he could. The girl was already texting her ex-boyfriend by this time, and before she could tuck her phone away as soon as her boyfriend got into the car, the boyfriend had caught her already.
All the while the couple slowly started to argue about her talking to her ex, Jungwon was stuck in traffic and anxiously waiting – frustrated. Though he had more than an hour to spare, he wanted to see you as quickly as possible. This was the moment of his life that meant most to him. The boy who was running late took a wrong turn because he was not on the right state of mind, still half-asleep.
The couple argued all the way to the girlfriend’s parents’ house while the boy in the bike running late was trying to find his way out of the unfamiliar place, completely flustered. Jungwon had already arrived at Gyeonju tower, parking his car before trying to fix up his hair. He never really cared about how he looked like, but Jungwon’s nerves were jittering. This was the first time he was so anxious to see you.
And finally, at the same time, the boy was too distracted to see the couple’s car in front of him – as well as the couple, as they were still too busy arguing. Jungwon had just gotten out of the car, crossing the road.
It all happened too quickly.
If the son had set his alarm the day before and wasn’t running late for his class, if the girl hadn’t picked up the call from her ex-boyfriend, if couple hadn’t been arguing while the boyfriend was driving, or if Jungwon didn’t take his time in the car mirror trying to make sure he looked good for you - then maybe he would’ve gotten to meet you that night.
Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten into that car accident.
Maybe none of this would’ve be happening right now.
Life is a series of multiple interactions, they said.
The next situation Jungwon finds himself in was lying still – unable to move – in the hospital emergency room with blood – his blood? – covered all over his clothes, and when he gains the smallest bit of energy to barely open his eyes, he feels like he’s lost everything all over again.
In spite of all the events, he remembers you.
Your smile.
And his promise.
But he blacks out.
.
.
.
The moment Jungwon awakes into consciousness, his first thought isn’t what he was doing in an emergency room hospital, all alone. It isn’t wondering why he had blood all over his clothes, or why his body physically hurt too much for him to move.
His first thought was you.
His first thought was always going to be you. Where were you? What-? He sees the small bag settled beside him, squinting at it - before realizing it was for you. For the meeting. Today. Shit. In less than half a second, he ignores the pins and needles of his skin feeling like it was being stretched out just to reach his phone and dial your number.
“Hello? Y/N? I’m so sorry, I wasn’t able to attend our meet-up. I’m - I’m really sorry, I was really planning to go -”
Your tone interrupts him midway, seemingly clipped and tight. “Yeah. It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” were you mad? Guessing by the tone of your voice, you seemed upset. Lord, he begged for that one chance you gave him and he had to go through this out of all the occasions?
You pinches the bridge of his nose after running a hand through his hair, cursing inwardly. How many more chances could you give him? You would never believe him ever again. “I’m so sorry that you waited on me, I promise I’ll make it up to -”
Your response hits him right in the gut, harder and more painful than any of the stitches and bandages he had being freshly reopened. “What do you mean? I didn’t come. I told you I won’t, didn’t I?”
His throat constricts, eyes lowering as the grip on the phone tightens, “Yeah, I know.” He hangs his head low.
You shrug it off with disinterest, your tone indifferent. “What’s up, anyway? What held you from coming?”
He hesitates, glancing down at the patches of bandages and stitches. He doesn’t try to explain. He doesn’t want you to know. What could he say to cover things up? He tries to avoid sounding suspicious with a lighthearted laugh, “It’s nothing.”
God, it sounded fake.
Your indifference rings through his mind over and over again. Did you really not care about him anymore? Did you really mean it when you said you weren’t going to go? A sharp stab in the heart each time the thought rings through him.
A pause.
“Okay. Well, it’s good that you weren’t able to go. I wasn’t there anyway.”
“Oh,” was all Jungwon could respond with, he was beginning to feel dizzy - overwhelmed and exhausted. A sharp buzz rang deaf through his ears.
The room started to spin as you continued through the call – unaware, “I’m not a fool, Jungwon,” you remind him. Was it really the end?
Has he finally lost you?
He doesn’t know what to say, but he couldn’t deny the fact that it hurt. Everything hurts. Fuck. A long pause, “I know.”
“Is that all? I’m gonna go now. I'm busy,” you harshly end things, not bothering to expant the conversation or on the details. You don’t push him. You don’t care.
The line went dead.
A piece of him along with it died too.
Jungwon sits at one of the emergency room’s beds alone and he realizes that the hospital could heal all his physical wounds and scars, but he doesn’t think the internal pain he’s feeling could be treated.
A nurse that was passing by finds him passed out, unconscious, and unresponsive only long minutes later.
.
.
.
A WEEK LATER
Initially, you had planned to keep away from Jungwon at all costs the moment classes started again. He could suffer all he needed.
But.
You don’t see Jungwon.
Not that you cared if he was around - it was a relief to you that you didn’t have to deal with him, but didn’t you .. deserve an explanation?
No.
That’s right. An explanation from Jungwon for ditching you was something you would never get. That hasn’t changed, and you were a fool for believing otherwise.
You repeatedly sneak glances by his desk - anywhere, for a sign of him. It was useless to ask anyone else. His friends? When had Jungwon ever tried talking to somebody that wasn’t you?
Not that you ever took notice, either.
It’s been a week.
Seconds tick by slowly, and lectures drag in what seems like hours. It comes to the point where you almost decide on texting his number and demanding where he was. It took every part of yourself to manage to not do so.
Your notifications remained empty this time.
No messages. No calls.
He’s gone again.
.
.
.
THREE WEEKS LATER [JUNGWON’S POV ]
With a fractured arm and multiple wounds and stitches, Jungwon had to opt to wait three weeks before he was able to attend classes again.
He only looks forward to seeing your face.
To explain everything to you.
He messed up again.
Maybe you were looking for him? It’s been three weeks, maybe you had wondered for a fraction where he went all of a sudden? Maybe you were worried? Maybe you were concerned? Or maybe you didn’t care? Maybe you were celebrating right now?
He flinches that the thought.
He spots you by the hallways after his hour long search around the campus. You barely looked bothered at all. That was fine, Jungwon reminded himself. He walks his way towards you with the gift he had bought you weeks prior, when the accident had happened. The gift he had protected with his life to save, and had held on for weeks to give to you. If he wasn’t going to explain things, he at least wanted to give you the gift he had picked for you.
He thinks you’d look pretty in it.
However, as soon as he tries to open his mouth to speak to you once he was close enough for you to hear him, you coldly ignore him entirely. You pack up your things once you hear the bell, ringing just in time for classes to start. You barely even spare him a single glance.
You walk past him like was invincible.
Like you couldn’t care any less of what happened to him.
It turns out, you were never worried at all.
That fucking him hurt more than being hit by a car a hundred times ever did.
.
.
.
[01:24 pm] yang jungwon: im sorry
[01:29 pm] yang jungwon: can we talk?
[read]
You blocked yang jungwon’s number that day.
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[JUNGWON . . . ]
Seoyeon made you laugh.
It was unintentional, he guessed. But she made you laugh. In a way. Other’s might’ve called it a snort. It was a goofy side-comment he made when you expanded the instructions on the chapter needed to be finished. He felt himself destructing and freezing while his heart soared and ripped itself apart. He swore he was flying while being drowned six feet under at the same time.
As someone who spent his entire life on music, Yang Jungwon has heard many sounds. Various melodies and tunes, but none of them were like yours. He’s been walking around tone-deaf for the past few years because it was like he forgot the way your laugh sounded and the way it made him feel like he could do anything.
It was like you immediately regretted it - laughing with him in the room, and maybe his emotions were written all over his face because Jungwon was losing you all over again when you disclose your emotions off once again from him. Then he’s all but greeted with a cold face - an effect of the mess he caused.
He remembers the time where you were his to call, and now, you couldn’t even stand to look at him - or be in the same room as him. He remembers the time where you would look at him and the way your eyes would light up, and now, he looks at your eyes for a fraction of a second and they’re dead. Once vibrant and easy to read - now empty and desolate. Nobody is home. They’re emotionless for him.
Your eyes only tell lies now.
You’ll never be like the way you used to be again.
To think that he ruined it. That he ruined a smile that ran so deep and had so much meaning. A smile that was always for him. A soul that had so much love and kindness for him. He shattered that. That was because of him.
He remembers the time where receiving ‘I love you’s from you were everyday like routines to you, and he compares it with the flash irritation that would cross your face and the petty tone of anger he would get from you every time he tried talking to you.
You’ve changed.
He doesn’t know what those two years have done to you.
What he’s done to you.
Maybe he really messed it up. Maybe he should run and leave and never see you again so he would stop hurting you and fucking you up over and over again. Maybe he should let you move on and let you be happy with someone else. Maybe he should just stop hoping because the gods above know that they don’t trust him with you alone.
It was killing him.
Jungwon couldn’t do any of that.
Getting to see you every day - it was already much of a blessing compared to the two years in the shithole he went through without you, waking up to feel nothing but empty - if it’s not endlessly torturing and tormenting himself for putting you through what he had to.
But couldn’t Jungwon be a little selfish? Just this once? Couldn’t he ask for a little bit more?
If Jungwon could admit, he never wanted much, nor has he asked for much either. To say the truth, he doesn’t care about ninety percent of his life: fuck his gods be damned ‘career’, fuck air and water and happiness and money.
Yang Jungwon was someone that had no interest in the world. He never really got to care about anything. But you. He met you. You were his first. You were all he cared about. You were all that really mattered.
And that was his world.
You were his world.
It’s been two years since he lost you - since he let you go for good, and that was worse than dying. Each moment was as if it was meant to come back at him and break his soul - or whatever’s left of it. All Yang Jungwon gives a damn about is you.
He was damn well still in love with you, and he was never getting you back.
He’s lost you.
And the separating distance between the both of you proves it better than anything.
.
.
.
[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ hold me while you wait by lewis capaldi ]
↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ
THE TWISTING POINT
.
.
.
Jungwon wasn’t in a good mood today.
It was most likely because of work, so you didn’t want to question or pressure him into dwelling into it any further. You stayed smiling, knowing that whenever you were down, Jungwon knew exactly what to do. He needed sunshine.
You hear glass shatter, and loud clanging accompanied with it. You sprang upwards, racing to Jungwon’s aid to check yourself if he was hurt.
As you stared at the mess created, and the person who seemingly intentionally created the mess, you only stood by the doorway.
You knew him, he wasn’t the type to let his anger consume and get the best of him, nor was he the type to physically express his anger. Especially around you. Jungwon loved the idea of you seeing him as a laid-back unique oddball, and you’ve rarely ever seen him irritated or angry. You’ve never seen him like this, however.
You remained silent; your gaze downcast. Whatever happened in the studio today must have been seriously rough enough to affect him into a state like this.
The room is too silent. “Won?” He loves being called that name; he’s told you. It gets him erupting with happiness in no time, but why isn’t it working now?
Why does Jungwon’s eyes look so empty?
“Can you leave?” he asks you when you try to help clean up the broken shards of glass, finally uttering a word after the first time you’ve seen him today.
“I don’t need you here right now.”
Jungwon sees the way you freeze. The way confusion flashes over your face. The way your hopeful and gentle eyes crack by a fraction.
Jungwon sees it all.
You purse your lip in hesitation, worried, but you follow his request with a nod nonetheless as you quietly slip out of the room. I’m always here for you if you need me.
Jungwon feels nothing but emptiness.
.
.
.
“Jungwon, you’ve missed two meals.”
He’s stuck in his music room. Again. Your lips pull into a forming frown at his state, placing the plate of food that you’ve organized for him at a table nearest to you.
He only gives you a glance before his attention is back at his music, “I’m kind of busy here,” he blandly reminds you the obvious, and you feel yourself mentally deflate, a bit.
A pause. You sucked in a breath. “I know, but you shouldn’t skip meals, okay? Take some rests,” you keep your voice gentle, hopeful.
He barely gives a grunt in reply.
Why didn’t you see that he didn’t want you anymore then?
You swallow, trying in another attempt, “Um, do you need any help in -” Jungwon swivels his chair abruptly, turning completely at you. It’s the first time you see him look at you in a while, “No,” the look in his eyes is something you’d never forget, “I’m fine, Y/N.” And when he turns his back on you, you feel a jab in the gut.
Ah.
You get the message.
You weren’t wanted around.
“Okay, I’ll uhh … I’ll …” you don’t finish your sentence, merely signaling that you were going to leave, but well aware that Jungwon was already back facing his screen. You don’t think he notices. You don’t think he ever notices anything at all.
No response. Not even a glance your way.
You felt so lonely.
.
.
.
Jungwon was going out again, as he’s all done for the past week.
Maybe you were overthinking all of this, but you felt as if he was doing whatever it took to avoid you. To avoid looking at you. To avoid talking to you. To avoid spending time with you. Of course, it was all in your head.
He would never hurt you like that, Jungwon was just busy. He was just going through things. He had it rough, you should be considerate.
It was just you alone most of the time, and you started to wonder if he was doing fine. If he needed you, at all.
“Jungwon?”
He turns to you, his body almost out of the door. “Are you okay?” you gently ask him.
He blinks. “I’m fine,” he replies after a pause.
You wanted to help him, whatever he was going through. You wanted to go through it with him together — you wanted to be there for him. “You don’t seem fine,” you try to start, “Jungwon, I’m here for you, you can talk to me if you—”
An exasperated sound of displeasure cuts you off, like a tether piecing everything together that snaps. “Can’t you do anything else other than bother me?” he waves you off, slamming the door in visible distress. He leaves you like that, and he doesn’t have to say anything else to make the wound hurt all the more.
The words left unsaid were enough.
He doesn’t come back the next day.
You wished he’d have told you how he loved you before he left, even if he didn’t mean it.
.
.
.
The air was cold. You know that it was not because of the weather.
Your mind wanders.
Sometimes you consider the fact that there could be someone else.
You wonder where everything started to change, and somedays, the thoughts get heavy and immensely difficult for you to carry. Sometimes they hurt too much to think about. You can’t help but wonder where your love lacked for him, in where you gave him everything. Even if it costed more than you could afford, it was worth it. But was it not for him? Was it not anymore?
It’s hard to fight what was fated.
But you would’ve still ruined yourself to fix him.
Even if there was another person, you think, you just wished he told you - so you would stop foolishly hoping and trying to convince yourself that this was all a sick phase of his that would eventually pass. So, you would stop foolishly assuming that there was ‘together’ and ‘forever’ for the both of you. You wouldn’t insist on it anymore, if that’s what made him happy. Watching him torture himself like that and choosing not to say anything to you was more painful than anything else.
You knew you were not the one in his heart.
This was all going to pass, right?
Jungwon, talk to me.
.
.
.
Jungwon can make it better.
He always has. You could never remember a time where he didn’t come to swoop in and save your day.
Was this the timing in where you realize that things were permanently going to change?
A simple month changes you a lot.
You believed, but you were slowly losing the light.
You gave so many signs.
So many warning signs.
He walked past every single one of them.
You couldn’t be the only one fighting for something that was already gone. Something that was thrown away and given up on. Because you have been, for as long as you can, and you don’t know if you can still continue to allow yourself to put yourself through it - because you don’t know if you can take it. Even if it was just one last time.
But still, you were willing to offer him anything he wanted the moment he needed it. You were ready to run to his side even if it killed you. Waste my time, waste it all.
The painful fake smiles, and pretending if everything was perfectly fine, as if you were okay, and the desperate pair of eyes that he always seemed to ignore.
You don’t know when it would stop.
You could only wish he would stay a bit longer to savor before he was going to make it hurt for you.
You felt the fatigue, then.
It’ll get better soon.
.
.
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THE BREAKING POINT
It was all about him.
You don’t know if you could take this any longer.
“Jungwon?” you called out to him - through the empty house, “I’m tired.” Faintly.
You were washing the dishes after immediately arriving home from your part-time job. No time for giving yourself a rest, or for catching up on the upcoming exam the next day. It was eleven o’clock at night. You heard the door slam, and you knew Jungwon was home.
He could mope around and throw things around. He was entitled to treat you harshly because he was going through a rough time. He could do absolutely nothing. That was how everything worked.
But you couldn’t. You couldn’t cry. You couldn’t pause and rest. You weren’t entitled to feel angry or irritated because you weren’t going through whatever he was going through. You had to take care of him, and you had to endure getting treated that way our you could leave and walk through the door.
The shuffling of footsteps stops. You don’t move. You leave the faucet water running, eyes staring distantly - somewhere. But you don’t look over at him. You know that the courage that you’ve spent months trying to build up would come crashing down the moment you do.
There is no noise, only the running of the water. You know he’s listening.
“I can’t do it anymore,” you bat an eye, and your shoulders ease up a little. There is a certain stillness in the air.
“I feel like I’m just wasting my life in this relationship,” you’ve thought about this. You’ve tried to shrug the feeling off, but you wanted to know if you wanted to fight for him too. “I’m always looking stupid. I’m always left behind,” Isn’t it exhausting for you too, Jungwon?
Nothing. Silence. No response.
He wasn’t pushing you.
He wasn’t begging you to stay, like he always did.
He wasn’t going to even just try to change your mind.
He’s letting you go.
That infuriates you further, and you hate that he’s making you feel like you’re being too unreasonable without having to say anything. You hate the words he’s saying to you without even him having to open his mouth. Silence is all you’ve been receiving, hasn’t it? It’s always turning his back. It’s always the cold shoulder, whatever he had to say - he wouldn’t say it. It’s always been that way. Itwas always you that had to adjust.
You hated this.
You hated this so much.
It was him leaving you alone to your degrading thoughts that would break you more than he ever can, “It’s all about you. It’s all just about your sufferings, isn’t it? It’s all just yours!”
Why wasn’t he stopping you?
Why wasn’t he trying to fix this?
You wanted him to explain himself and assure you that everything was going to be okay. You wanted to work this out. Good God, you did. More than anything. But what happened to the day when you missed the most important exams for him just because he was too in his head to take care of himself? Where was he? What was he doing? Where was he when you were called to the school’s office because you were nearly falling off school? Where was he when you cried countlessly from overwhelming stress because of that?
Where was he when you were pacing back and forth at four in the morning without a wink of sleep, waiting for him to come back home and wondering to the heavens what the hell had happened to him? Where was he when you felt so isolated and alone? Where was he when your parents turned your back on you for you giving up everything for a boy who already seemed to have given up on you? Where was he to fight for you? Where was he to look you in the eye and give you a reason to keep fighting - to stay?
Jungwon was going through shit. That was something you understood. Something you wished he never went through, something you know he doesn’t deserve. And you were there for him. Every step of the way. But that didn’t mean that you had it all easy, either - did it? Didn’t he know? Or did he just not care?
You wanted to work this out. But … did he?
Soft, too soft. You could barely hear. “So desperate,” it was murmured. A pause, a shift in movement, and he was gone.
He was gone. He walked away. Like it meant nothing to him.
It stays, lingering. But he leaves.
You can’t believe him.
So monotone.
So emotionless.
Like it doesn’t mean anything.
He breaks you.
You crack open.
He doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t fight for you. He doesn’t feel anything for you. He doesn’t find a reason to stay.
He finds a reason to leave.
That was it. And you weren’t even sure if he said it. Maybe it was a flicker of your imagination. Maybe you were going insane, was what it was. Did he leave?
He couldn’t have.
It was the end.
End.
The end of the both of you.
After that end, there was … nothing.
It was the end?
Your weight leans against the counter table in support, breathing heavily. Your heartbeat racing, your mind processing. A minute passes by, and you still stand frozen.
No. The stillness was too much to handle, you needed Jungwon, even if the only words he was ever going to say to you would hurt. You stumbled, rushing after the door as you tried calling after him. You didn’t want him to go. You couldn’t let him, you won’t give up on him. You needed him there. You were tired, and you needed Jungwon.
“Jungwon.” Where was he off to the moment you finally told him how you were feeling? Was it a mistake? Should you have stayed quiet instead?
“I didn’t mean what I said, come back and we’ll talk this out,” you called after him. You would take it all back.
He was gone.
You turned, and you turned, and you hoped. Nothing. Pitch black. Darkness.
“Jungwon?” you were crying now, crumbling a little. “Jungwon, I’m sorry, please come back, please.” you begged. And you kept calling him, until even the gods above could hear you. But where was he? No, he was going to come back for you. He was.
He was going to explain that he was sorry and that he never meant to hurt you. He was going to pop up right next to you like he always used it. He was going to smile at you with a cheeky grin and make fun of how you fell for his sick joke. He was going to give you a reason to stay and you were going to be okay.
“I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry,” you shouted after him, numbly trying to follow his footsteps that weren’t there. Footsteps that were erased. The footsteps of someone who promised he’d never leave your side. It was pathetic. Your desperation was pathetic.
Where did he go? Which way did he go? Please show up. Please. Please.
You shivered at the cold. Why was it raining so hard? You could barely see a thing. It was too dark. Not a single light in sight. You didn’t even realize it was raining. But it didn’t matter. You wouldn’t go home until Jungwon was back. And safe. Everything will be okay.
Moments pass and you don’t know if it took hours. Jungwon wasn’t there and you were losing him the way you were losing yourself. “Please,” your voice came out a whisper as your legs gave up on you, falling into your knees, “come back to me,” your body shakes, and that was the end.
All you were left with was the memories.
The both of you were nothing but memories now.
Ended because of happenstance.
He was still gone the next day.
And the next.
And the next after the next.
And the week after.
And the month after.
And after that.
You waited.
He promised.
You believed.
Ah.
You felt it, then.
The light you held onto exhaled and took its last breath.
Expired.
When things are expired - when things pass its due date, no matter how much big of a waste it is, or how much you were looking forward for it; you can only throw it away.
Because your relationship wasn’t the only thing gone and lost to disappear that day. It wasn’t only him - or it wasn’t the one thing you cared most about. It was you. You came along with it. You; a simple crumpled worn-out paper thrown away. A rough draft. Scrapped and forgotten.
He wasn’t coming back.
… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺
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[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ skin by sabrina carpenter ]
PRESENT TIME, THE FOLLOWING DAY
The group was chatting with each other as usual. You were with Ningning and Seoyeon, catching up with the latest most random topics while you were making it a point to ignore Jungwon’s longing stare. Until Jake Sim takes a glance his way and points out of nowhere, “What happened to your arm?”
He immediately replies, “Nothing.”
When you sneak a glance over at Jungwon’s arm, he catches you and straight away tucks his arm away from your side’s view as casually as possible. Why did he have bandages? Your brows furrowed at him, skeptically surveying him.
What was he hiding this time?
.
.
.
It was in the middle of individual study period when Ningning queries out of nowhere, “Y/N, Is Jungwon trying to win you back?”
A few glances your way at the sudden uplifting noise through the quiet room.
You almost choke. You wish you did. “What?” Loudly whispering, you snap your head over her direction, eyes blazing down at her incredulously.
“He isn’t?” Seoyeon pipes in, questioning incredulously, all the more surprised than you. The both of them were never going to let her newfound discovery of exes that were quote “fated back together” end quote. You stare blankly at the both of them, unamused.
She shrugs innocently. “He looks like it,” she answers her own query and peeks over his way. Explaining, she heaves a casual exhale, “He keeps looking over at you every five seconds with those starry hopeful eyes as if you��d change your mind.”
Your face hardens at the mention of it. You hadn’t told what happened between you and Jungwon to anyone. Once both Seoyeon and Ningning had asked for the details of what happened, you simply brushed it off, not wanting to talk about it. They had assumed something went wrong.
Whatever Seoyeon had in mind to be out of a romantic film - this wasn’t the case. You had no idea what he was up to, but it was most probably something that would put up some entertainment to aid his boredom before he fleets away again.
She playfully nudged you with the edge of her elbow, “So, what made you dump him?”
She laughed. Loud. She was talking quite too casually that you speculated Jungwon could hear the conversation. His head was bowed, supposedly reading. You couldn’t read his facial features. You don’t want to.
“Poor dude, he looks like he’s had it rough.” Of course, everyone would assume it was Jungwon who was dumped. That it was him who was hurting. That it was him who got the mistreatment. You were the bad guy. In the end it’s your fault.
A chill runs down your spine. You dumped him? You almost laugh aloud in sarcasm, but it comes out as a snort. Waving her off teasingly, you motion the both of them to shoo away, “Shove off.”
Seoyeon gives a toothy beam before scribbling something down her notebook, Ningning peeks over to read it and giggles. You barely catch a glimpse of it.
‘Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.’
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LATER, AT THE LIBRARY
Another day. That meant another meeting with both Jungwon and Seoyeon in the library. After long hours, the group meeting was finished. All there was left to do was to submit the chapter’s draft for corrections to the professor; it had been decided already that Seoyeon and Jungwon were to do it.
You were leisurely taking your time packing up your stuff when Seoyeon hurriedly scurries out on her way to exit the library. “Hey, Jungwon, I’m really busy today, so I can’t accompany you to pass the papers. I just realized I have soccer practice,” she forms her lips into a pout, faking a thought. It occurs to you then that Seoyeon doesn’t have varsity.
Your eyes narrow at where this was going. “What about ask Y/N to do it? She has nothing to do anyway!” she winks, lightheartedly hitting Jungwon’s arm. He was taken aback, looking confused and somewhat lost himself, but having no choice left other than nodding, he agrees. “Uh . . . sure.”
Seoyeon turns your way and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively at you as soon as Jungwon had himself distracted with the papers in the meantime, giving you a thumbs up as if to say ‘you can do this!’ before slipping out of the room - faster before you could protest.
You scowled darkly, clenching down your jaw. If looks could kill. That girl.
On the other hand, Jungwon continues to arrange the pile of papers with a shuffle before quietly handing them to you, he then started on packing up his things. It was suffocating. Would leaving the room make it seem like you lost this nonexistent battle between the both of you?
He cuts you out of your trance of thoughts, “You were there that day at the tower, weren’t you?” he asks you out of the blue. He doesn’t even look your way as he stuffs a few books in his bag, and he doesn’t have to give context for you to know what he was referring to. not a look of uncertainty was evident in his eyes, “I know you were.”
Anger starts to boil inside. You have to remind yourself that this is what he wanted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you casually dismissed.
He inwardly huffs out a breath. “Was it tough for you?” he changes the topic, and you swear it was only a matter of time before he gives you the biggest whiplash.
You were raging with endless anger and fury, yet you keep your face was void of any emotions – standing in front of him as his form blocked your path, stressing you even further. You gripped the strap of your backpack tightly, “Move out of my way, Jungwon.”
“Answer me, first.” he pleads with you. “Was it tough for you, then?”
He doesn’t budge and stubbornly remains rooted to his spot.
You grit your teeth, ripping apart your poorly concealed anger bit by bit. Jungwon didn’t care. He wanted you to feel emotion. Any emotion. Even if it was blinding rage. To scream at him and punch the living lights out of him. It was better than receiving your blank emotionless stare all the time. He couldn’t take it.
He was definitely testing your patience carelessly. Was it tough for you? You laughed humorlessly. A stab to his gut. A knife filled with poison. “I don’t know what you want, but let’s be mature people here. You do whatever hell you’ve been doing the last two years, and I’ll continue do the same. Okay?” you spoke, your tone hostile. You take the folder placed beside him before leaving him there, disinterested.
It wasn’t as simple for you as it has been for him to simply walk the relationship off down the drain.
Not when he promised the world.
Not when you believed him.
Not when he was standing there right in front of you acting as if he didn’t know anything about the shit you had to go through without him. As if he was just innocent. As if he had nothing to do with it. As if he cared. And especially not when he was the one who put you there and left in the first place.
This is what had become of the both of you. Jungwon and you. Worse than strangers, haunted by what’s left of something that was long gone.
All he had to do then was apologize. Actually, he just had to come back, and you would do the apologizing for him. You were always the one who gave in, in the end, anyway.
You would’ve accepted him.
You would’ve even begged for him.
The things you would have done.
None of this would’ve happened.
But.
None of that would work now.
None of that mattered.
It was all too late.
The both of you were just so different now.
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LATER
Riki was confusing, truly.
“Didn’t you make fun of me two years ago about how much of a dumbass I was?” you rolled your eyes incredulously at Riki picking at you to how rude you were being to Jungwon, “You hated him, what’s with the change of attitude?” you snort.
Riki shifts his weight, fixing the strap of his bag, “You were a dumbass,” he agrees, pulling a face at you, “and I still hate that guy,” he continues, his expression turning sour at the thought of him, but pauses.
“But you were happy,” he looks over at you deliberately.
A happy dumbass. You could cringe, that was the old you. The desperate old you. Long gone.
You were most definitely not having it, your facial expression hard. “Did you have a head trauma or something? A fever? Are you forgetting the past two years?” you press the back of your hand to his forehead, checking his temperature and warmth for dramatic effect.
He pushes your hand away, “I’m just saying,” he starts, talking to you as if you were a child, “he left, but he’s back, isn’t he?” he throws his hands around for emphasis.
Then he shrugs, like he doesn’t know any better either, “He’s gotta be back for a reason.”
You don’t care. You don’t care what reason he’s back, or whatever he wants from you. “He can’t just come and go as he pleases, idiot,” you forcefully shrug it off, grumbling. “that jerk made his decision that day. He made his bed and now he has to lie in it.”
And Riki gives up on how stubborn you are, “You really do hold grudges, don’t you?” he ruffles your hair up, amused.
Strangling a sound, you kick the back of his leg, but he dodges.
Oops, your eyes slightly widen, anticipating a fall. You lose your balance, nearly tripping - but luckily, Riki notices within a half of a second and catches you before your face plants flat on the ground, hoisting you back to his chest by the grip on your waist.
You were going to laugh at your mistake, your face already breaking into a smile - but your eyes catch someone a few feet away.
You blink. Your smile slowly starts to drop at the sight of him.
Of course, it had to be Yang Jungwon.
For a split second, your shock doesn’t allow your eyes to leave his.
Riki snaps you out of it, releasing you from his grasp and guides you to his side as he slings his arm around your shoulder - like he always does. You’re sure Riki knew well enough and had an idea of how Jungwon looked like. He recognized him straight from the café, and you never questioned how he knew. How were you going to walk out of this one?
Riki doesn’t look at you in confirmation - you have no idea what shit he’s going to pull, but you’re sure as hell it isn’t going to be good.
He nods once in acknowledgement over at Jungwon, but Jungwon pays no mind and choses to ignore him as his eyes flicker onto the arm around you.
Riki notices it.
You don’t know what to do.
“Hey, I’m Riki,” he starts - and for some crazy reason, he sounds as if he was gloating, “who are you?” he throws back casually. Too casually. You would be irritated to talk to him, if you were in his place. The dislike in Jungwon’s features is evident enough. You don’t know what Riki was playing, but he extends his hand out for Jungwon to bro-shake, whatever that could even signify.
A long pause. Jungwon barely glances at it before his attention is back on you, ignoring him beside you as a whole.
“Why are you with him?” he tries to casually question you - as if he was trying to create small talk - his voice is calm - but Jungwon’s eyes never lie. He could never hide anything from it. You knew that look, and you didn’t like it. It made your blood boil. The guts of this self-centered arrogant asshole.
Riki answers in your stead, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to answer. He laughs, throwing his head back a bit, “Oh, don’t mind us,” he curtly replies, “my girl over here ‘s just really clumsy.”
You forgot how much of on asshole Nishimura Riki really is.
Riki effortlessly sighs, openheartedly shrugging as if to say ‘what-can-you-do?’. It was friendly, but you understood the underlying meaning. He was testing him. Picking at him. Provoking him. You wanted to facepalm. Provoking was the only thing he was ever good at, why did you even bother? What was this, some fighting-for-the-alpha-spot werewolf shit?
Nishimura Riki, you asshole!
Jungwon understands the message. A muscle up on his clenched cheek twitches, his eyes slightly narrow. Was he threatened already? You were in a state of disbelief, Riki was barely even doing anything. Seriously. He never changes.
“Why are you with him?” he asks you again, this time his voice comes out somewhat strained in the end. The old Jungwon would’ve probably started a fight right then and there, lacking any sort of composure. Jungwon changed, hasn’t he?
But you have, too.
Riki peeks at you, “Babe? Do you know him?” Confused. Curious. Innocent.
You had to give it to him. Riki was an amazing actor, he could’ve fooled you if you didn’t know any better yourself.
You merely glance at Jungwon, barely a pause before you answer, “No.”
No hesitation in your tone. A ‘no’ as if he was simply a stranger standing before you. Nothing. You observe how your answer hits Jungwon. How the simple word destructs him. You could only watch. Everything was different now. This is what you wanted, wasn’t it?
But where was the sense of satisfaction?
You tug at Riki’s arm, “Let’s go, you promised me to bring me home today.”
You leave Jungwon like that. You leave him with the uncomfortable feeling that was bubbling up. Riki is surprised. And confused. You don’t know if he’s still continuing the act when he affectionately waves Jungwon goodbye before immediately following after you.
Yang Jungwon strikes again.
.
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You whacked Riki at the back of his head the moment you were as far from the gods-be-damned-scene and as far from Jungwon as possible, “Idiot!” you hissed, “What the hell was that?”
He rubs the back of his neck soothingly, glaring at you. “You know, just a little ‘thank you’ would suffice.”
“’Thank you’, my ass! I told you to not pull any stupid shit!” You threaten to hit him again, vexed at the stunt he pulled. The situation was only going to get worse from there and you couldn’t take back anything at this point. You retreated your arm, groaning in horror of what’s to come.
“The moment called for it!” was his only excuse.
You scowled at him, as if your eyes could annihilate him at the spot.
You got Jungwon, you had to admit. A few more of these blows and he would leave your sights. This was a bad idea, but your mind didn’t seem to pay any care.
Hurt him.
Right then and there, your ego allows Riki to participate in whatever crazy-sick game this was. You just needed Jungwon far away.
Riki smirks at you and flashes you a winning smile. He knows you’ve agreed to his idea without having to say anything else. You had no other option, either way.
“You won’t regret this, ___. It’ll be fun!” he singsongs, draping his arm around you.
It’ll be fun, you echoed.
You’ve been lying to yourself for two years, what’s a couple days more to you?
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THE NEXT DAY
Jungwon finds you asleep, leaning your head on the desk with your cheek pressed up against the table.
And Nishimura Riki was by your side, reading gleefully. Mostly watching you sleep. A fucking weirdo, Jungwon inwardly comments. His stomach turns at the sight. His mood has already dried.
He stands there for what seems like a torture of infinity before Riki sees him there. He just grins at him. Jungwon would want to do nothing more but throttle him and that shit-eating look off his face.
“Here for the thesis paper?” was all he asks, he starts collecting himself and his things, preparing to leave, thankfully, Jungwon praises.
But when Riki decides to act like the biggest fucker to piss him off all the more when he leans in to gently tuck back the hair covering your face as as you sleep, Jungwon defensively takes a step forward to you by instinct, ready with a handful of swear words.
Riki notices it, and only press his index finger on his lips, indicating to keep his voice down. Jungwon’s jaw slightly ticks as he stays in place - not risking your sleep.
He pats Jungwon’s shoulder on his way out, but he stops by the door. He motions him closer, as if he were to tell him something hugely important. Jungwon presses his lips into a thin line, walking up to him and trying to keep it as civil as possible.
He holds up a finger, as if to gesture ‘and-one-more-thing’, “Oh, and tell her to keep the hoodie she’s wearing, will you?”
Jungwon raises both brows in question, and instantly regrets it.
Riki further explains himself, "She likes stealing them from me. God knows she has a whole rack of them on her closet.” He shrugs, a growing smirk on his face. “But eh, I like it on her, it suits her better.”
That little shit.
He was about to give him a phony nod and thumbs up to let the whole agitating conversation over with when Riki presses his luck even further, “She’s pretty.”
God. Jungwon’s patience was running thin, his jaw flexes.
“Oh, and tell her -”
Jungwon nearly slams the door on his face.
He wondered what you saw in that guy.
Walking back with his hands stuffed in his pockets - something he does when he was definitely pissed off, he yanks a chair, face displaying irritation at its finest when he arrives back at your table. He doesn’t bother to spare you a glance your way, he knows you too well.
“I know you’re awake,” he says out of nowhere, his voice tight. “Stop pretending.”
It takes several moments before you start faking a yawn. You could easily fool anyone, but sadly for you, he knows you too well. His glance is blank as you outstretch your arms as if you had just woke up, you greet him as if you hadn’t expected to see him there, “Oh . . hey.”
Jungwon had already looked sour from his encounter with Riki, his pissed off gaze averts away from yours. A muscle from his jaw ticks as he huffs, “Your boyfriend left.”
You nod, blinking as if you were slowly trying to register everything. Jungwon wanted to ask you a flood of questions: what was he doing here? Were you already awake when he was being a creep and staring at you while you were ‘asleep’? Why are you wearing his hoodie -? “Okay.”
That aggravates him even more, and his tone turns curt and strained. “I’m going to work on the thesis. You do whatever.” he dismisses you, heaving a short breath.
He stalks off, but not before grimacing at your outfit up and down - more than fumingly horrified, spitting out through gritted teeth, “And take off that hoodie. It looks horrible on you.”
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THE WEEK AFTER
You wake up in Monday morning with aching pins and needles, not being able to move an inch of your body. Your eyelids were too heavy to keep open, weighing tons of your effort.
Of all days, you were sick.
Lord.
Releasing a cough, your hand reaches for your ringing phone. Riki, the contact label name displayed. You try to clear your throat as you answer the call, in effort to not sound as sick as possible. “Hello?” your groggy and hoarse voice could be depicted from miles away by a total stranger. Much less Nishimura Riki.
“Princess?” His voice answers through the call, perceptibly worried, “what’s wrong? You sound . . . off today.” You could tell he was squinting as he said this.
“Uh. . .” you sniffed, trying to come up of a lie, “just watched a sad film. Cried a lot.”
Riki hums, giving no humor in his voice. “Mhm. And that’s why you’re late four hours to class?”
Your stomach lurches. You were what? You had classes today, and you didn’t even remember. Were you missing on anything important in university today? Shit.
Racing for the most reasonable excuse, “I wanted to . . . enjoy a day off?” Bad liar. You were nothing but a bad liar. You were too exhausted to create a better and more creative lie.
Riki, being way too observant on things he shouldn’t be, clearly wasn’t buying it. He clicks his tongue. “I’m coming over. Don’t go anywhere. Stay in bed,” he orders you shortly before ending the call. He doesn’t scold you or lecture you, and he leaves it at that.
You moan at the surge of pain once again located in your stomach, you had no plans of leaving the bed even if you wanted to anyway, given your current state.
.
.
.
Riki texts you that he was outside around less than ten minutes later.
If you could complain, you’d rather have Riki come in your room to help you up. Like he always did. You found him not doing so rather odd, as he would always make the weirdest reasons to come drop by your house. Moving the slightest inch was hard as it already was.
It takes you what seems like hours for you to get out of bed, and even more for you to bag your bag and head outside. You were ready to grumble about how efficient and less painful this would’ve been if Riki had come to help you until more than one figure greets you outside your yard.
Riki and . . . hands stuffed to his pockets, head bowed - you know that side profile -Yang Jungwon?
Both stayed at opposite ends, standing in front of their cars, awaiting for you with the hardest glares sent the other’s way. What was happening? Jungwon was most likely the reason Riki wasn’t able to go inside your house to pick you up. That was the only factor that made sense - the rest was something you couldn’t connect the dots of.
Both their cars parked out of your house, and you could feel the tension slicing you in half the moment you step foot outside. These two could never stay in the same room, sticking around to wait for you was strictly meant for you.
Jungwon is the first to break the glaring match as soon as he sees you, being the first to approach you while gently holding you up.
“Love, are you okay? Let me bring you to the hospital - come on,” he pleads with you, gesturing towards his car.
“This isn’t the time to joke about something like this in her state,” Riki forces a fake smile through his gritted teeth, irritated as he sneaks his arm around your waist, holding you up himself all the better with a single hand, “just so you know.”
Jungwon’s gaze darkens, “It isn’t about fighting for who gets her, just so you know,” he mimics, “I don’t trust her with you, you dipshit.”
Riki scoffs to himself, shifting his weight as he continues to press you tightly against him, not budging an inch of you to Jungwon, “And look who came to talk.”
Jungwon opens his mouth, his eyes ruthlessly set on Riki’s before you try and weakly cut in from your lack of energy. However, your weak knees give up on you and you almost stumble down, not before both Jungwon and Riki reaches out their hand to grab your arm within half a second. Riki half-yells your name, all the more uneasy and concerned than you were.
“Y/N? Love? Are you okay?” Jungwon’s hostile tone towards Riki not seconds ago immediately dissipates, conveying his tone of worry and panic at your weak state.
“I’ll drive you to the hospital,” Jungwon additionally suggests, trying to have you lean his weight on him for you to stand property, and in that way he could easily carry you back to his car.
“Hell no,” Riki growls, in the other hand.
You notice Jungwon’s eyes darken at the corner of your eye, “And who exactly are you to her to begin with-?”
“Her boyfriend, nice to meet you, you dipshit,” Riki retorts.
Jungwon lets out a low noise, pissed off at a topic that was seemingly sensitive to him. “Over my dead body would you ever be her boyfriend.”
He rolls his eyes in disinterest. “Still going through the stages of grief? Is this the denial stage?” he taunts, clicking his tongue with a tsk.
“Bo,” Jungwon calls you - candidly ignoring Riki’s shitty statements, but his sharp eyes never leave Riki’s, “let’s get this over with and tell us who would you want to -”
This was getting too prolonged, you were so close to vomiting again. You definitely did not want to vomit here of all places. “Riki,” you called out faintly, interrupting Jungwon, “please take me to the hospital.”
All parts of your body ached painfully, and you were too miserably ill to deal with this situation. You imagine Jungwon’s expression crumbling, deflating.
Riki straightens, visibly surprised, but he doesn’t hesitate. Not before giving Jungwon a final look, he carries you with you gently, making sure you were watching your step as the both of you left the defeated Jungwon without another word.
You were too weak to look back at Jungwon – he helplessly stares after the sight of his girl - his girl - being taken away from him when she needed help the most.
Again.
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.
You spend three days in the hospital for a diagnosed viral infection.
Thankfully but not surprisingly, Riki stayed by your side through every minute, only leaving for a shower, buying take-out, and for getting you new packs of clothes. It was Ningning and Seoyeon who came over to take care of you during Riki’s leave.
He sticked around from the moment you were submitted, to the insertion of the IV, through your countless trips to the bathroom to puke and for him to hold your hair back, and through your dischargement.
The both of you were on your way to the car to load your things. Riki had all of his hands filled. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot, thanks for the wanton noodles,” you mention immediately as soon as you remembered, “How d’you know they were my favorite?” You don’t recall ever brining it up to Riki.
Instead of bursting up his signature winning smirk, Riki furrows his brows at you, “Wanton noodles? What wanton noodles?”
You perked up a brow, “The one you left by the door earlier when you were paying the discharge bills?”
Riki had nothing. He blinks at you as if you had been hallucinating. “Why would I leave food by the door?” he shakes his head, “Doll, what in the hell are you talking about?”
“The wanton noodles that you –“ You stop mid-sentence, freezing. Realization dawns on you then. The note, you recall as you piece things back together.
Stop skipping meals. I got you your favorite. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.
Yang Jungwon.
There was no name from who it was from, you had simply assumed it was from Riki. This wasn’t your first time realizing that Jungwon had never dropped by, you had simply figured he didn’t care. Your stomach sinks, ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me’. The double implications.
Riki waves his hand in front of your face, “Earth to princess? Hello?”
Ah. Right. You blink, shaking your head – you meet his eyes with a smile, “Nothing. I just thought I remembered something.”
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WEEKS LATER
Jungwon was a lot quieter than usual ever since you’d been discharged.
Since . . . the night he and Riki were there. You slightly wince at the memory.
You almost managed to successfully spend a thesis discussion with him without having to say much - to your great pleasure - until he just had to ruin it for you. He was filling in his part for the thesis paper while you were scanning through the pages of the book you were reading, skipping to the ending.
“Hey,” he starts, humor laced in his voice. “D’you still read the endings of books like you used to? I remember –“
Your head snaps up. You don’t smile. You don’t flush red in embarrassment. You don’t laugh like the way he’d expected you to. The way you always did. You stared harshly down to his eyes. It wasn’t the heart-fluttering kind - nor was it the passionate or the fierce or the loving kind of stare. No, it was a heart-piercing glare - so full of pure hatred, the kind that had his breath hitching up his throat in the worst way possible and his heart sinking into your stomach.
“Don’t.”
Ah.
No double meanings. Nothing else. The essence couldn’t be taken as a mere mistakable, conveyed with just one simple word that held the heaviest weight, yet it was enough for him to understand. He doesn't try to catch himself or his smile as it fades - along with the antagonizing agony that accompanied it.
The light in your eyes has gone.
They were so dark.
It doesn’t shine the way it used to.
He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. He struggles. It takes him two more tries. Two more times of you opening and closing his mouth for him to finally unknot his tongue and drag the words to the surface.
“You have a …” he hesitates to say it, “boyfriend?”
It was so close. A few seconds until you would leave, and he just could wait. Stuffing your university belongings back into your bag, you exhaled, your lips tightening into a hard line. “What is it to you?”
A second or two passes, “Oh,” he replies, “I didn’t know, so -”
“What difference does it make?” you rhetorically question him, your patience running thin, “if you didn’t know or if you did?” You were being absurd - you knew that, but you wanted anything but the idea of having to talk about that subject with him and act like it was fine.
Being snappy at him wasn’t the greatest idea, but you know Jungwon was trying to get at somewhere. You would do whatever it took to defy him. That quiets him down, only forcing a painful nod.
You needed to leave. You couldn’t stay away from him, especially whenever he was near. God knows only a few words from Jungwon would be all it would take for him to manipulate you back into his strings.
Painful silence.
Until, “Does he make you happy?”
You find yourself freezing.
A sick feeling in your stomach.
Does he make you happy?
Happy.
Why was he asking the question like he meant it?
Your eyes flicker his way, and there is no hint of humor or taunting mock in his face. Was he serious? The man who broke you to pieces and disregarded you stood before you and asked if another man was making you happy, as if he cared. As if he ever did.
You don’t say anything.
You don’t have anything to say.
Jungwon knows that.
You try to breathe.
One.
Two.
Three.
You walk away, and he lets you. You walk away because walking away was the only thing you’ve ever done. Because walking away was the only thing you could ever do around him. Because you can’t risk another goodbye from him.
You were done gnawing back at the past.
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[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ spring day by bts ]
↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ
AFTER THE BREAK-UP
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.
.
And the both of you became back to being nothing.
Just like that.
You told him your secrets, and you let him in. All the good, all the bad. You trusted him and brought down your defenses. You let him know your weird thoughts or funny inside jokes and the deep insecurities.
But he never got to know the little things, you realize the moment it’s over. The little things that infuriated you. The little things that made you laugh. Or the little things that would always put you on a better mood - the little bits and pieces of you.
You barely got to know him at all.
Was that the reason?
Was the fact of loving him just as plainly as that - nothing more, and nothing less - the root of it all?
Or was it just the big things that held the both of you together, and the small things that caused you to fall apart?
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.
You don’t believe it’s over.
Because it’s not.
You’ve been stuck inside the house for longer than you could count. You’ve memorized the number of tiles on the floor and seen every miniscule crack on the wall. You know how many steps it takes to walk from here to the door.
And you know just how many steps Jungwon took to leave.
Your eyes remained fixated on the door, waiting at the dining table for him to come home.
Like every other day.
He was still finding his way back home, you reminded yourself.
Busy. He’s busy.
Tick-tock.
He’s on his way.
He'll come back. He always does. He promised.
You form hundreds of thousands of excuses for him.
But the door doesn’t swing open to reveal Jungwon in all form and glory beaming down at you, apologizing, telling you that it was a mistake, telling you that he didn’t mean it. Every day is the same.
But nothing.
Nothing.
.
.
.
Riki knows it’s one of your days.
He reaches for your hand to grab and the fact that you have no response alone proves his assumption even further.
He doesn’t mind, Riki decides to walk you home.
You have those days where you go completely silent. Worse than ever. So quiet that he could never guess what you’re thinking or if you’d ever come back from it. Eyes empty as if there was no one home. He doesn’t know how he could help you specifically, how he could make you snap out of it.
The only thing he can do is talk. Talk and talk and talk and talk. He talks for hours about anything on the top of his head, and Riki himself is surprised he could somehow manage to not run out of topics to tell you about.
Even if you don’t respond. Not even a flicker of recognition to any of his comments or jokes.
Riki never knows what you’re thinking.
But this time, that day, he knows it’s about Jungwon.
Someone asked you about Jungwon today. How he was doing, where he is, and what happened to him. As hard as Riki would shield you away from situations such as these, it wasn’t hard enough.
Riki was so close to making you smile the other day. He was finally doing it.
And then he’s back again to square one.
After his efforts of trying to get your attention by the food stalls the both of you passed by, Riki starts to go quiet.
There is no noise - nothing between the two of yoou. Only the rustling of leaves. The cool breeze of air. The sound of footsteps on cobblestone. Cars driving by. Indistinct chatters.
“Why are you still holding on?” quietly. So quietly, but you easily catch on Riki’s question. Then your hands slightly tremble.
You don’t answer him, you’re afraid of saying too much. You’re afraid.
He never said goodbye.
That was your reason.
He never said goodbye.
Jungwon always bids you goodbye, you’d explain to Riki if you could.
What makes this time any different, right?
He won’t leave without saying goodbye. He wouldn’t. Only you could understand.
He never said goodbye.
A part of you still believed that meant he was coming back.
.
.
.
When Riki tries dropping by like any other day - a sneaky reason to check on you, from the start of early morning, he sees you there.
You spend the whole day stuck in the kitchen.
Riki knows what day it was without having to ask.
By the evening, you bring out the cake that you’ve been preparing for and set it down the table, in front of an empty chair. The chair you never let anyone sit on. It’s still belonged to someone else.
Riki knows who it’s for.
Your eyes are distant, as if they were caught up in a dream. Light. You were there - physically, but you were far away. Far, far away. Riki started to wonder if this was just how you were. He wondered if there was ever a time where you were really alive.
He wondered the extent to how much this guy did to break you.
Your eyes looked so empty.
But you were still holding on, weren’t you? You’ve never responded to him, but he knew. Riki made no noise, but he clenches his hands into fists. You don’t acknowledge him standing there.
You set the candles down the cake with the lighter.
You only stare at the cake, expectantly. Waiting. Waiting for someone to blow the candles off. Waiting to sing the cheerful ‘happy birthday’ song and make a wish. But it wasn’t just anyone.
He doesn’t attempt to do anything - or say anything. But he stands near close to your proximity. Watching over. Silently. He doesn’t leave you that day.
You take a seat next to the empty chair, simply and patiently letting time pass as your eyes affixed themselves with the dancing fire.
Until the candles blow out themselves hours later from the cold air.
That night, Riki also knew who it was for when he heard your uncontrolled crying and broken whimpers pass from your room for the first time.
.
.
.
There was a period wherein you stopped leaving the house entirely. And Riki stopped pushing you to.
Everything reminds you of him.
The house has never felt so big.
Alone.
You miss the way he smells.
The overbearing feelings starts to compress, and you feel it expanding within your chest. It gets hard to breathe. You feel helpless.
Jungwon won’t like it if he sees you like this, wouldn’t he?
You keep reminding yourself.
He might come in any second, and you wanted to be at your best.
You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry.
You won’t cry.
You’d make it up to him.
You don’t want it to end.
He’ll come back.
He’ll come back.
.
.
.
You don’t know how many months it has been.
That’s a lie. You do.
You find one of the notes he wrote for you in an old shoe box.
It reminds you that what you had was real, that what you had wasn’t just a figment of your imagination. It wasn’t a dream.
You picked up the first letter, your fingers tracing through his handwriting.
It was painful. A shard of glass piercing through your skin.
To my one and only girl,
You couldn’t breathe.
It was merely the first line of the long letter, and you couldn’t breathe.
This time, you don’t pretend to forget that you aren’t Jungwon’s anymore. You don’t pretend that this was all a phase. A nightmare. A joke.
This time, you don’t pretend to wait at the living room for him to come back home, swinging the door open with a grin and greeting you from a long day like he used to. Not anymore. Even if you had so much to tell him. So much news to show off to him. So much news to be happy for. To celebrate. But you weren’t.
This time, you almost suffocate.
You torture yourself even more this time. You open the letter again and it rips your heart out. It stabs you and leaves you bleeding. You read the last line. Sealed with a promise. A broken promise that meant nothing now.
I’ll make you the happiest girl, I promise. I love you :)
You could imagine his cheeky smile as he wrote this, sealing the promise - among with every other one that he’s made. Every single one that he didn’t claim responsibility for.
Liar.
He was a liar.
He was reckless and a liar.
He broke you to the point where you couldn’t even manage to bring yourself to say his name.
You wish you were brave enough.
What a fool you were.
A dumb, useless fool.
.
.
.
“Kant’s metaphysics?” Riki answers, lying on the edge of your bed. He lounges carelessly with a review paper clutched on his left hand.
You rest a hand on your hip, pacing around your room. “No, but you’re somewhat close. It’s categorical imperative.” You corrected, recalling your philosophy lesson by memory through mentally singing a tune to yourself.
The philosophy oral examination was this coming Thursday that next week. It was Saturday. Riki complained, saying he needed help and tutoring, and you, other than staying cooped up at home debating your life choices and burying yourself in academics, there wasn’t really anything else you did.
He squints his eyes in confusion, “But how does that relate to the second follow up question after that?” you pause, staring hard at the desk beside you to remember the answer, you take minutes - but nothing.
You run a hand through your hair, visibly frustrated and stressed. You had all the more topics to go through. Hell, you had to go through the whole book and you couldn’t get past the second lesson yet.
Releasing an exhale, you shut your eyes tightly. Shit. Shit.
Jungwon always knew what to do. He knew how to calm you down and rile you up and make you laugh right after like he was born with it. He’d drop everything at the sight of you overthinking and over-stressing school work, embracing you and telling you that you didn’t have to worry. That he was there. He’d let you cry it out, vent out your frustration and stay by your side through it all, running a hand through your hair soothingly to comfort you.
He knew exactly how to take care of you.
You need him.
You needed him.
Just for this moment.
How much longer?
Biting down your lower lip forcefully, you chant the words over and over again.
He’s not coming back.
He’s not coming back.
He’s not coming back.
He’s not coming back.
He’s not coming back.
He’s not coming back.
He’s not coming back.
He’s not coming back.
He’s not coming back.
He’s not coming back.
He’s not coming back.
He’s not coming back.
You know he’s not coming back.
You know.
You’re back to pacing across your room, back and fourth. ‘”I don’t know, I really -” you cut yourself off, irritated. At this point, you’re ready to erupt from the heavy weight of his absence. At this point, you want to drop to the floor and stop time to give yourself a breath.
Riki has sat up at this point, silently watching you. He’s probably either thinking that you were worrying and stressing over the amount of workload given to you like the usual. Or, does he know that academics isn’t what you were worrying about at all at that moment?
You try to level your breathing.
Come back.
Jungwon, please.
Come back to me.
.
.
.
To: won 😚🙄
[03:46am] you: hi i’m graduating this wednesday. i’d really like it if you could drop by.
error. message undelivered. try again?
[03:50am] you: hey did you know my graduation is nearing?? haha you should come :)
error. message undelivered. try again?
[05:18am] you: jungwon
[05:18am] you: are you there?
[05:19am] you: you’re gone and i really need you.
message sent.
do you want to delete this message?
message successfully deleted.
Contact user: [ENTER]
Contact: yang jungwon
by pressing [Confirm] you are allowing the name changes to be saved.
changes saved.
.
.
.
“The sun’s so clear out. Lighten up, princess ~” a voice calls you out of your thoughts and you realize you were trapped in a dream.
Identifying reality with dreams seemed entirely difficult to you. There was something fiction in the way reality was going to you.
Reality was as crazy as dreams were.
“Your moping is bad for my skin,” Riki comments lightheartedly, scrunching up his nose.
It’s been a week or so since he came along. Since he bumped into you and started to grow interest towards you. You don’t ask him, and you don’t really care. Nothing that every happens around you matters to you as much anymore.
You only blink in regard to him. That was more than a sign of acknowledging his presence that he was used to.
Riki is used to this. He doesn’t mid this type of behavior, nor did he expect anything else. He self-proclaimed himself as your guardian angel – two days after he’d met you – who’d look after you “since you lack the ability to look after yourself” end quote. Which was true. You couldn’t look after yourself. Especially due to the past circumstances that he pieced together himself.
You were probably someone’s ex-girlfriend.
To him, Y/N was a detached-from-reality schoolmate of his who was definitely more than what meets the eye.
You were someone he wanted to get to know, until you stopped becoming that person, one day.
Until you became someone he wanted to protect.
Sliding himself into the seat next to yours, he pouts at you. “Y’know . . . I think it’s time for you to . . move on,” he struggles finding the right word for it. You know it takes a lot in him to try and be gentle, as he probably would’ve been teasing you with a bunch of insults.
Your throat encloses, and you feel like burning up.
Moving on meant accepting that he was gone. Gone from your life. Accepting a future without him, and that wasn’t something you were ever going to be ready to do.
He was long gone.
Jungwon was long gone.
The magic you once felt with him wasn’t there anymore.
He wasn’t there anymore.
And neither were you.
Waiting for someone is painful.
Letting go from someone is painful, too.
But not knowing whether to wait for someone or let him go?
It hurts more than anything.
.
.
.
You were out inside the bathroom for the first time in hours since you’ve left your seat from blankly staring at your phone.
It was all pure coincidence when Nishimura Rik stumbles upon the open phone screen that you’ve been torturing yourself endlessly with.
It was all pure coincidence.
And coincidence just happened to align with his curiosity.
you: S.O.S. [7 hours ago]
you: come back [7 hours ago]
[Read]
Riki doesn’t have to read the contact name to see who it was.
.
.
.
It must be Riki’s professional job; being the only one around able to spot where you are when you suddenly disappear from the face of the earth.
“Princess?” Riki finally finds you along the benches, alone. He figures it weird, he’s not exactly sure what you were doing there exactly.
Until he sees your face. Your tear-stained cheeks.
Ah.
“It hurts.” Out of nowhere. He has never prepared himself for this. Your voice cracks a bit, “Riki, it hurts.” You plead with him as if he power to take it all away. Small. Helpless. That was what you sounded like.
He offers his open arms to you, and you bury yourself in them. He lifts you up from the darkness, even if it was just by a centimeter.
“I’m in so much pain, can you stop it?” you tell him in a managed whisper, your voice hoarse.
He’s afraid anything he’d say would only break you even further. He only hugs you tighter.
Fuck, why did he give too many shits about you? This wasn’t the least like him at all. What in the world have you managed to do to Nishimura Riki? He stares at you, not being able to do anything.
“Why does it hurt so much?” a small vulnerable child whimpering in pain – pain they were forced to believe was their fault. That was how you sounded.
He doesn’t know what to say. He’s frozen, in fact. “Riki I want to –“ you pause, trying to start again, “I’m tired,” you struggle with your words, your eyes closed shut, “Please make it stop.”
His eyes flicker.
Please make it stop.
Riki isn’t much of a person who really cared about anyone else’s business. He never poked his nose around because he never bothered enough to. Everyone was black and white to him.
You were a quite peculiar one to him, though. It drove him crazy, what was so good about you? You were clearly dead hungover your past ex. Barely talked. Barely did anything, at all.
But he saw the most beautiful and vibrant colors when he looked at you in the whole life that he’s been walking around colorblind to any other.
He was just being pulled down deeper.
For the first time, all Riki wanted from someone was just their happiness. Purely. Passionately. Their happiness for his happiness. He just wanted you . . .
He just wanted you.
Nishimura Riki is done for.
If this was what he thinks it is, he’s done for. Because Riki was ready to be anyone you wanted him to be.
You gave be something I’ve never had, he wants to tell you. And I have nothing special to give you - but I will give you everything I have.
He doesn’t break promises. Especially if it’s you.
Riki will mend what was broken.
Whatever it takes.
One step at a time.
He was getting himself into the biggest mistake in his life, God, he sure as hell knew that. But Riki was never going to regret what was to come.
He was going to make it stop. All of it.
.
.
.
… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺
PART TWO
#enhypenwriters#enhypennetwork#kwritersworldnet#enhypen imagines#enhypen x reader#enhypen angst#enhypen fluff#jungwon imagines#jungwon x reader#jungwon angst#enhypen scenarios#enhypen smau#enhypen jungwon#enhypen au#ni-ki x reader#enhypen headcannons#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen oneshots#enhypen niki#nishimura riki imagines#nishimura riki x reader#enhypen reactions#nishimura riki
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꧁ＤＲＵＧＳ ＆ ＭＯＮＥＹ꧂
✧warnings: Yandere themes, toxic themes, drugs, drug addict reader, abuse
♤synopsis: Nishimura Riki. One of the most well feared mafia sons, is filthy rich, He was never really interested in dating, hating the idea of putting all his trust, love, blood sweat and tears into one person. Then he laid his eyes on you, a broken, barely appreciated, drug addict. (Riki's "I love you 3000" cover was playing in my head non stop while writing this- I need him in my life frfr)
✧♤✧♤✧♤𝕯𝕽𝖀𝕲𝕾 & 𝕸𝕺𝕹𝕰𝖄♤✧♤✧♤✧
Get up, get ready, clean up, go to school, get high and arrive at her apartment late as fuck. That was Y/ns daily routine. She's high 90% of the time, filling the massive hole her parents stabbed in her heart, with weed, Whiskey and pills. She had nothing to lose. Her parents always hated her, the reason never clear. So she moved out at 16, and got her own small apartment, a very decent one. Now she's yet to turn 18 in a few weeks, yet she's making bad decisions back and forth
She had fallen in love many times, but she always ended up getting hurt, or being a burden. So she'd turn to her fellow, Jack Daniels and Marijuana for some company. No one ever visited her... so she was beyond surprised when she heard her doorbell ring. High out of her mind, she answered it, not thinking of the potential dangers that may be lurking behind the door.
"Fuck- you got a first aid kit?" He asked, shutting the door and barricading it. Y/n pouted as she started to think "Clearly you're high. I'll go find it myself." He said, as he walked through the clean, plain hallways. Of course he found a brand new, unused first aid kit, however, what he didn't find was any photos of your family or at least parents. No sign of a boyfriend, or anyone else who might live there.
The strong stench of Cannabis filling his nostrils as he groaned. The male treated his own wounds that were barely painful to him. He walked into the living room only to find the girl lying on the ground, high out of her mind. Y/n had fallen asleep on the cold, marble floor despite being so high and having a fever, but she was used to it and she was too lazy to move.
Riki however, found it cute. He found her cute. God she's too cute, so short, so clueless, and so stupid. He really wanted to know what you were like when you were sober, but when examining all the munchies you had randomly scattered in the kitchen, he realized that may be a challenge. So he decided to stay until you wake up.
Never would he have ever found himself cleaning up a girl's home, picking up a girl's underwear and putting it in the laundry basket, carrying a girl to her bed and tucking her in. But I'll tell you one thing. He fucking loved it. He loves taking care of this girl, he only just practically met her but... he really wants her. He's a mafia he can have whatever the fuck he wants.
That's how Y/n found herself in a massive, luxurious mansion. Guards here and there, all her artwork in a big room with all the art supplies an artist could dream for. A perfect yet psychotic man who seems to be on a murder rampage on the daily. It has been 1 month since the male kidnapped her saying that he's in love with her and will even marry her. However the place was missing something she lived her whole life on...
"I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT FUCK SAKE RIKI! GIVE ME MY WEED FOR FUCKSAKE!" She screamed, crying and kicking her bedsheets, yanking at her hair as she screamed. The male slapped her painfully hard, pulling her to himself "FUCKING PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER Y/N!" he yelled as the girl just cried in his embrace "Y-you don't understand ki... it's hard! it hurts, I need them I really do- I'm fucking weak I can't- sobriety is so fucking overrated! please- im begging you please!" She cried as the male just hugged her closely.
With drawl is extremely hard, and for a teenager to have to go through something like that, without her parents to support her is extremely hard. But someone really loves her, a man who'd kill for her and is even willing to die for her. So she will put through it. Fighting with every last bit of energy she has. Riki would keep an eye on her when she does have alcohol, making sure she stays within a limit. He let her buy a vape, just to help her lay off of the drugs.
He knew that all this was all worth it. because when the struggle is over, Y/n will realize that he truly loves her, and no matter what crazy shit he does, she will always run into his arms, and yearn for his touch. "I love you Ki... I'm glad you kidnapped me you know?... I've never been love like this before..." She admitted, her head pressed against his chest, as her body was shielded by his loving arms.
Y/n melted in his embrace, closing her eyes with a smile when she felt his perfect, plush lips on her forehead. Those lips, the only drug she's addicted to and will never let herself get over. "I love you too my darling..." he said with a smile, cradling her in his arms, his head rested against hers, theirs eyes closed as they sat before the fireplace, comforted by the relaxing sounds of their heartbeats.
✧♤✧♤✧♤𝕯𝕽𝖀𝕲𝕾 & 𝕸𝕺𝕹𝕰𝖄♤✧♤✧♤✧
#yandere#enhypen#enha#yandere enha#yandere enhypen#enhypen yandere#enha yandere#kpop#kpop enha#nishimura riki#niki nishimura#enhypen niki#enhypen nishimura riki#riki enhypen#niki enhypen#niki enha#kpop yandere#enhypen scenarios#enha imagines#enhypen imagines#enha x reader#enhypen x reader#enhypen fanfic#ni ki#enhypen ff#engene#enhypen fluff#niki reaction#ni ki enhypen#enhypen niki ff
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I LOVED YOUR MESSAGES WITH QUACKITY ❤️❤️❤️
please do getting into an agrument with quackity headcanons please 🙏🏻🙏🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻😙😙🫣‼️💕💕🩷🩷
.✦°. • getting into an argument hcs (*´Д｀*)
warnings: a bit of angst and maybe a bit ooc? I tried 😞🤚🏻
a/n: HIII!! THANK U SO MUCH! It means a lot :D and sorry if it took so long ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ finals kicked my ass so I couldn’t write for a while BUT IM HERE SO LET’S GET INTO IT
EARLY INTO THE RELATIONSHIP
(thinking of a young, little experienced Alex)
Oh it’s jover
This could actually be something that could cause a breakup cuz let me tell you THIS MAN just can’t stand confrontation
If it’s something that bugged you, he’d probably understand your point of view but would also be very overwhelmed at the thought of losing you cause he hasn’t been good enough for you, resulting in him hyper focusing on his spiraling thoughts rather than listening to what you are saying
I feel like he’d also be the type to act like nothing happened right after an argument; he’d ignore the tense situation and make jokes to light up the mood and forget about it. He’s not dense, he knows it hurts you to see him seemingly ignore your feelings like that, but he’s not used to being listened so he ends up making his partner go trough his predicament as well
BUT it’s even worse if it’s something that bugged HIM; he probably wouldn’t tell you about it, much preferring to suck it up and don’t cause problems, even though he IS creating more problems
the underlying tension caused by his silence would bring the relationship to a breaking point:
1 you break up and the regret eats him up (probably also wouldn’t reach out again because of shame and a tiny bit of ego)
2 you talk about it cause it can’t go on like this
When I talk about bugging tho, I’m thinking about things that don’t surge an immediate reaction from him, because if he’s mad, he’s mad.
He’s the venomous type, forget his silence and self pity, he’ll probably laugh in your face in irritation and say whatever the fuck he thinks
He’ll retreat to his office as soon as he sees the hurt in your face, understanding he went to far and going back to he’s usual silence, ending up giving you the silence treatment. (he also feels incredibly ashamed) (he’ll just stay in his office all day, editing mindlessly since his mind is anywhere but in the work he’s doing)
He’ll either leave you alone in bed that day, making you sulk and feel as lonely as ever, or will sleep with you but it’ll be the coldest shit ever (like the typical movie scene where two people sleep super afar from each other)
Don’t misunderstand tho, he does feel guilty, he just struggles with communicating his feelings properly (*´ー｀*)
“(Name) I’m not a child, stop acting like you are my fucking mom” he spat, a look of indignation spreading on his features, shaping his otherwise gentle appearance into a strong, furious one.
“Cant you understand that I’m worried about you?” you strike back, jaw impossibly tightened “I understand that you’re very dedicated to your job, but you can’t get yourself to this state.” You sigh, not able to keep up the mad act: “You look very tired Alex”.
You take a tentative step towards him, determined to show him you weren’t scolding him, nor were you mad at him. You were trying to establish contact with him, not start a fight, after all your irritation came from worry, not anger. But he didn’t receive that well. His brows scrunching even further while his mouth twitches downwards.
“Stop acting like I’m some fucking rabid animal. I can take care of myself just fine, I don’t need a fucking babysitter”.
Seems that wasn’t the right move.
The way he was saying your name was probably what hurt the most. You find yourself missing the gentle tone he usually reserved to it when spoken.
“What are you even saying?” you breathe out, your voice being so fragile you almost don’t recognize it as your own. “Do you hear what you are saying? You are being impossible Alex”.
At this point his foot is stomping nervously on the floor. He’s getting annoyed by the minute and he can’t wait to forget about this tense situation. Arguments always put him on edge, but instead of working on the root cause of his discomfort, he always had preferred to just get himself out of the mess as soon as possible. (He hadn’t yet grasped how much that could hurt others). And that’s why, out of everything he could’ve gone, he replied with the one of the most uncalled for things he could ever come up with.
“Maybe instead of worrying about me, you should take a good look at yourself first”.
And you know what he was trying to entail.
You were never insecure of your dark circles, or at least, it wasn’t something that bugged you on the daily ever since you had found a common ground with Alex, knowing he struggled with very prominent circles cause of his lack of sleep. But for someone like him, who always had a hard time with his appearance, to clap back at you by going for your looks? Foul. Unexpected. Not like him at all.
You were sure he could tell from the look of disbelief on your face that he had fucked up.
Alex’s breathing keeps up, his chest constricts, and the anger and the pride that he has wearing like a tailored suit are stripped out of him at the sight of your frown. His mind goes haywire trying to come up with any response.
Maybe if you would’ve known him better by then, you would’ve known how terrified he was of your judgment. Even though his fame often had him deal with horrible comments filled with free hate, if judgement came from you, it scarred 100 times more than anything could ever do.
“Just leave it be, I’m fine” it’s all he mutters before booking it and hiding himself in his office, leaving you to stand there, in the middle of your living room.
Tears prickle your eyes, threatening to fall at any moment and your lip begs you for mercy as you bite into it.
God, why was communicating so difficult in this house?
LONG INTO THE RELATIONSHIP
It took time, it took healing, it took sitting down and TALKING to finally find your balance
He’s still pretty much venomous when it comes to immediate triggers, but after you are both done fighting and cursing each other out, you talk about it and come out of it somewhat unscathed
Anger isn’t easy to control or refrain after all, but you both try your best, and you are able to make up most of the times without falling into old dynamics of silent treatment or isolation
If something bugs him, he most likely will tell you; he is hesitant about it, but after many nights spent in your arms, he starts to let go on some of his biggest worries (anxiety still gnaws at his core every time he opens his mouth though, that doesn’t get old at all)
If something bugs you, he doesn’t shy away from confrontation anymore; he’s not perfect at it either, he still feels the urge to run away and laugh about it all, but he’s gotten way better at it
He’s still very scared of you having a negative opinion about him, but now you know him well enough to spend some extra time to reassure him that you won’t stop loving him for a petty fight, and that arguments in relationship are important to grow not only as a couple, but as people too
“(Name)” he calls out, and you instantly recognize the hint of anxiety that he’s trying to hide from you.
“Yes honey?” you reply, taking your eyes off your phone to stare into his pretty, brown ones. They screamed stress, fear, yet also determination. He did so much progress compared to the beginnings of your relationship. You were proud of him.
Alex took a deep breath before saying: “Uhm, It’s about the photo of us you posted earlier”. You could practically smell the tension in the air. His body is stiff, his chest is heaving, but your gaze is captured by his fingers and by how his nails are digging into them continuously, tearing his already red skin.
You take his hands in yours, preventing him from doing further damage to his poor, abused fingers. You knew he does it as a way to ground himself, but he really needed to find a new coping method - one that didn’t feature him torturing his body if possible.
He stares at his hands in yours for a while. You don’t say anything, allowing him to take his time.
“Okay fuck it” Alex whispers under his breath, so quietly you almost miss it.
“It makes me feel insecure, I don’t like it” he admits, keeping his focus on your hands as he munches his bottom lip nervously. You, in response, draw slow circles on his hands, offering him a gentle smile.
“Can you delete it..?” he sounds unsure, like he’s testing the waters instead of actually making a request. Either way you welcome it.
You put one of your fingers under his chin, gently applying pressure for him to lift his head, just enough to look at you. “Of course I can. Thank you for telling me Alex, I know it’s hard”. His once tense body relaxes.
He avoids your tender gaze, seemingly preferring to stare at the floor, yet you see the soft blush that was quickly taking over his cheeks. You also can’t help but notice that he already had found his charming smile back.
“Stop looking at me like that” he mumbles as his smile spreads. Uh oh, that can only mean trouble.
“Like what” your eyes narrow, not trusting his new found confidence.
“Like this”.
His imitation is pitiful: furrowed eyebrows, small frown and large puppy dog eyes. The more you look at him, the more he reminds you of that one emo guy that kind of looks like him (he definitely does). He looks ridiculous. How did you even fall in love with this dude?
You slap his arm, scoffing out a laugh as you look at him incredulous: “I don’t look like that!”.
“I think you do” he says with a smug tone, one that makes you want to hit him with a pillow till he goes back to sleep. And maybe you just will.
“Oh it’s on you motherf-“
The room was filled with laughter instead of unconfortable, loud silence.
(first post of 2024 yippiee)
#quackity x reader#quackity imagine#quackity x y/n#quackity x you#quackity fanfic#qsmp x reader#first request#yippie
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