#jungwon angst
Text
THIS MUST BE MY DREAM — YANG JUNGWON
∿ 📋 SCORE SHEETS ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 Jungwon was living his best life at Earl View Academy. He was scoring the highest marks, dominating every exam, and ranking the top one out of every student. See, he was living his best life at Earl View Academy before you came along, destroying his reputation because of your similar level in academics. It had to be a dream, there was no way someone could compete with him. With that said, he immediately renamed you as the new student to his one and only arch nemesis.
∿ TOP RANKS ✂️ academic-rival!jungwon x fem!reader (ft. jungwon from enhypen, baekseung from epex, and minji from newjeans)
∿ EXAM REVIEW ⟡ insp by doctor slump, long fic, academic rivals to lovers, rivals to lovers, highschool au, nerds to lovers, fluff, crack, and angst.
∿ 📔 STUDY NOTES ୨ৎ swearing, bickering, mentions of pills (painkillers), skipping meals, fainting, crying, being sick, and mental health issues, lmk if i missed anything.
∿ NUMBER OF EXAM QUESTIONS 🎓 14980 words
∿ FEEDBACK . . . and with that said it’s finally done!!!!! took me two months cs i took so many breaks …. happy belated jungwon day? LMFAO… and tysm to @soov for proofreading all the way !!! love u rei <33
∿ STUDY PLAYLIST 🎶 click here!
RANK ONE.
In Earl View Academy, everyone wanted to live Jungwon’s life. He was a son everyone wanted—not his words—and that made him feel good about himself. Even if he was quite the goofball, he still aced all his assignments while having fun.
His life was perfect.
“Jungwon!” His friend, Baekseung called, gaining his attention almost immediately. The boy looked over at his brown-haired friend with a smile, pausing the movements of his pencil gliding against his notebook.
“Hm?” He hummed, waiting for his friend to continue talking. Baekseung took a seat on the window sill beside Jungwon as Minji walked into the classroom.
“Did you see the banner they hung up? It has something to do with University, I believe.” He said as Minji walked towards them.
“Here.” She held out her phone, showing the boys a picture of the banner. It showcased a brief description of what to expect when applying to the University of Seoul and the date of submission—February 9th of 2024.
Jungwon’s birthday.
It was perfect timing, almost as if it was destined to be. His reputation at school and his relationship with his teachers would easily help him get accepted, right?
“The acceptance rate is 40%, which isn’t all bad, but many people apply, so…” Minji explained, turning off her phone, and shoving it into her back pocket. Jungwon tapped his pencil against his chin to a random, yet consistent rhythm in his head.
Jungwon’s friends always enabled his confidence. He was aware of his smartness, but they made it seem bigger than it really was.
“Although a lot of people apply, I’m sure you’ll get accepted. Your application will catch their eyes immediately, trust me.”
Jungwon bit back a smile at Baekseung’s words, sending him an amused nod instead.
“I’m sure it will.” He replied, returning his focus to his notes. Before his friends appeared, he was working on a few equations, to make sure they stuck with him for their test.
It was his way of studying; learn the materials in class and study them like his life depended upon it.
It worked like a charm every time.
“I don’t get how you understand these things.” Baekseung said while peeking over at his work. Jungwon smiled, letting out a chuckle.
He never did, it wasn’t anything new.
“See, you start with your values, then you write out your formula and substitute your variables for your numbers—”
“Enough! You lost me at the word ‘values.’” He exclaimed, causing both Jungwon and Minji to laugh.
“Hey, when you get accepted into the University of Seoul, don’t forget me.” Baekseung pleaded and leaned in with his hands desperately clasped together.
“I won’t, I won’t.”
Jungwon dropped his pencil, letting it lay flat on his notebook, and placed his hands on top of Baekseung’s.
“You have nothing to worry about.” He said, playing along with Baekseung’s act.
“I don’t get how I was pulled into this trio,” Minji said, cringing at the sight before her.
“Yeah, me neither.” Baekseung smiled at Jungwon, then, removed his hands from underneath his, and returned to his spot on the window sill.
“Oh well, here we are now. You love us, right?” Jungwon teased, the cringing expression never leaving Minji’s face.
The two boys stared at her in silence, waiting for her response. They wouldn’t let her off the hook if she didn’t open her mouth to say anything.
“Fine. I do.” She replied, earning bright smiles from her friends in return. She shook her head, a small smile making its way to her face.
It was impossible to avoid their faces. Even if they weren’t trying, they still managed to swoon her over with one look. They were unstoppable together.
Jungwon went back to studying as Minji and Baekseung playfully bickered over a past memory. It was a common occurrence, nothing new.
“I heard they’re selling Yakult in the cafeteria today!” A classmate said to their friend, gaining the three’s attention immediately.
They stopped what they were doing and looked at each other. They gave each other a look that only they could understand. There were no words shared, only their eyes held their words.
Soon after, Baekseung and Jungwon got up from their spots, following behind Minji who led them out of the classroom.
Yakult was their favourite thing ever. It was something all three of them could agree on—that they tasted delightful. Other than that, they all had different tastes in a way.
“Finally, they’re bringing it back!” Minji cheered, happier than ever. Baekseung, who stood in the middle, wrapped his arms around the two to pull them in closer.
“Do we have a plan?” He asked as Minji scoffed.
“Do we even need one? Just do whatever your mind tells you to.” She said and he nodded.
“Smart choice.”
The two conversed alone just as they did back in the classroom, except Jungwon wasn’t studying. He could’ve been included in their conversation right now, they weren’t excluding him at all.
He just didn’t pay attention. He didn’t even take note that they were talking because it all sounded muffled to him.
All he paid attention to was his homeroom teacher who walked down the hallways, lips moving as if he was talking to someone, but Jungwon didn’t know who.
Once he walked past, it was then revealed. A girl stood fairly behind his homeroom teacher, catching Jungwon’s attention.
He had no clue who she was, nor had he ever seen her face before, he ‘didn’t’ even care about what her name was, what time she arrived, what foods she liked, why she was wearing their school’s uniform, or what she had for breakfast.
All he cared about was how pretty she was, and fine, maybe what her name was too. Previously, if someone were to tell him about another being heaven-sent he wouldn’t understand them.
Now, he really does because she, she was heaven-sent to him at least.
“You okay?” Baekseung asked, looking over at Jungwon’s dazed figure. He shook Jungwon with the arm that rested over his shoulder, startling the poor boy.
“Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m okay.”
Well, he hoped he was.
“Sweet, if I’m not wrong, lunch starts in about 3 minutes. Therefore, I believe we’ll be first…” Baekseung paused, his voice growing quieter at the sight before them.
“… In line.” His words were almost like a whisper. He was practically speechless at the line. At least 20 students were already waiting for their Yakult’s.
“Yeah, um, maybe we do need a plan,” Minji said, regretting her previous words. There was no way they’d get through a line like this one.
“Maybe? We 100% need a plan.” Baekseung said, his arms slipping off their shoulders.
“I’m sure we’ll be fine if we just wait. It can’t be that bad—Woah! Okay. Maybe it is bad.” Jungwon’s reassuring words were cut off by his shocked ones.
The line extended even further. How was that even possible?
“Hey, Min, what time is it?” Jungwon asked Minji as she checked her phone that previously sat in her back pocket.
“11:37 AM.” She replied, still flabbergasted at the number of students waiting for their Yakult’s.
“Do you think that will be enough time to visit the nearest convenience store and then come back?” Jungwon asked, desperate for an escape. He was still craving a Yakult, but they wouldn’t get one at this rate.
“It’s 27 (81 Fahrenheit) degrees Celsius outside…” Baekseung muttered, mentally sweating at the thought.
“We can get ice cream as well…” Jungwon whispered, scared that the line of students would overhear his words and run after them.
What if they were craving ice cream too? It wasn’t just the three of them who were feeling hot.
“Smart choice. Yeah, let’s do that instead.” Minji cautiously walked away from the entrance of the cafeteria, careful not to make a sound as the two boys did the same.
Yes, they were being very dramatic right now, but that line of students was very intimidating.
The three returned to class with leftovers of their ice creams, hoping nobody would ask them for at least one lick—it was disgusting to know that they were serious.
“Oh, Jungwon,” Minji said, remembering something from earlier. Jungwon hummed in response, his mouth full of ice cream.
“Did you even start your applications? Our midterms are soon, so I’m sure our guidance counsellors are going to approach you about it.”
“Are you worried for me? Or do you want to use my application as a template for yours?”
“I…” Minji stayed silent as Baekseung stifled a laugh. She sent him a glare, causing him to clear his throat. What was he laughing at? He was bound to do the same exact thing.
“Fine, you caught me. But hey, I have no idea what I’m supposed to do!” She exclaimed as Jungwon chuckled, getting up from his seat to throw away his ice cream wrapper.
“If you want, I can assist you—”
“Guys, guys!” A classmate shouted while running into the classroom shocked. Everyone’s heads turned to look at the said boy, more confused than ever. What lie was he about to spurt next?
“I just saw a pretty, pretty girl in the teacher’s office. I think she’s a new student.” He explained, however, nobody reacted.
“Are you lying to cover up the fact you were being scolded in the office?” Another classmate asked, causing laughs to erupt from other students in the room. Jungwon smiled to himself, that was a good one.
“I’m serious! I heard she might even be smarter than Jungwon!” The student exclaimed, causing Jungwon’s smile to falter and his pen to stop moving.
All eyes were focused on him as he slowly looked up at the shouting boy.
“Eh, I’m sure there’s no one who can compare to his level!” Baekseung said, patting Jungwon on his shoulder and smiling.
Jungwon was considered very smart for someone his age. It was a common compliment he received, but he didn’t hate it. It was quite ego-boosting.
“Everyone! Have a seat please.” Ms. Eun walked through the doors of their classroom, and another student walked in a few moments later.
“Obviously, I’m sure you’re aware of the new student joining our class today! Please make (Name) (Last Name) feel welcome in our classroom!” She explained as Jungwon’s eyes widened.
You were the same girl he saw in the hallways earlier. For some reason, his heart skipped a beat and his ears went numb at the sight of you.
“Oh, Jungwon. (Name) also got perfect on the entrance exam and was the top student at her old school. It must be great to meet someone at your level.” Ms. Eun smiled as all the emotions Jungwon had felt earlier plummeted.
So his classmate wasn’t lying. There was really someone who matched his skill of knowledge.
You looked over at the boy Ms. Eun referred to, noticing the way his expressions switched. At first glance, he was calm, but his eyes said otherwise.
They held an emotion you’ve never seen in anyone else’s—a desire to win. And, of course, you wouldn’t let him achieve that goal of his.
If someone were to win and maintain that top student rank, it would be you and you only.
You two hadn’t even spoken to one another, but within those 2 minutes of staring into each other’s eyes, it was obvious you both saw each other as a threat.
No matter what, only one of you can have that title.
RANK TWO.
“Jungwon, you haven’t looked up from your notebook this whole class,” Minji said, turning around in her seat to face him.
“Literally! There’s not even a single test coming up. What is there to be reviewed at this point?” Baekseung chimed in with a frown.
Yet, Jungwon didn’t look up, easily proving their point. It had been a week since you first arrived at Earl View Academy.
A week since Jungwon first felt threatened by your appearance. His life was perfect until you arrived.
His friends swore they hadn’t had one single hangout since then, but he said otherwise.
“You do know, you reviewing your notes while Minji and I converse without you, isn’t a hangout right?”
Jungwon’s pencil stopped moving for a brief moment, only to start up again at an even faster pace.
He couldn’t fall behind you.
He glanced over at your focused state, glaring in the process. You seemed to be at ease and he wasn’t.
That should’ve been him.
What happened to the perfect life that everyone wanted to live? The one where he could be happy and carefree even while passing all his classes with 100s?
“Don’t tell me you feel threatened—”
Jungwon’s pencil-led snapping silenced Baekseung’s voice almost immediately. He looked up at his friend, eyes darker than usual. There wasn’t his signature gleam that complimented his dimpled smile. He looked like he was ready to kill someone.
“Minji…” Baekseung called, signalling for her to take over the conversation. Sadly, that failed. She was just as scared as him.
“Hey, I could, uh… I could sharpen this for you!” She exclaimed, instead of continuing the same topic as before.
She took the pencil out of his hold, but Jungwon silently searched his pencil case for another one.
He had no time to waste. He was almost done with his notes.
Minji took her seat again, placing the boy’s broken pencil beside his notebook with a soft, yet dragged-out ‘okay.’
There would’ve been no point in going anyway.
“Dude, why don’t you let loose a bit?” A classmate said to their friend and began shaking their shoulders.
“I can’t! You know how my mom is about my grades right now…” He mumbled, embarrassed.
The boy from earlier grabbed his basketball that rolled under his desk and bounced it around him.
“I know you want to play basketball right now, but that’s okay. I’ll just play with Jungwon and his friends.” He informed his friend, turning to look at Jungwon who wasn’t paying attention.
“Yo, Jungwon! Catch this!” He shouted, alerting both of his friends, but him.
He passed the ball, expecting Jungwon—or even Baekseung—to catch the ball, however, there was nothing.
Instead, the loud thud of a ball hitting your head, echoed throughout the classroom. At least, that managed to catch Jungwon’s attention.
Your pen fell out of your hand, landing on the desk. Your ears began to ring as frustration—and a bit of lightheadedness—took over your system.
“Oh shit, I’m so sorry.” The classmate said, making his way over to you with a worried look.
It was only your second day and you were making enemies.
Yet, you couldn’t bother to accept his apology. You looked at him with a facial expression that not even his mom had ever given him. He was terrified.
“Does this classroom look like a circus to you?” You asked as a throbbing pain slowly began to settle in your head.
“Are you so unskilled that you can’t even hold a basketball properly? Actually, are you so childish to the point where you aren’t aware of classroom rules?”
The atmosphere of the classroom vastly shifted. It was quite intense and unsettling.
His mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water stunned by your words. He was speechless, how could he respond to that?
“Please leave me alone, you’d only be a distraction to my studies.” With that said, you returned to your work, acting as if the boy in front of you didn’t exist.
Jungwon’s brows furrowed at the sight, you were being so mean and for what?
The boy shamefully walked back to his seat as all his friends held in their laughs. He was already embarrassed enough, their laughs only adding to the fire.
Forget what Jungwon said about you being heaven-sent, the Devil must’ve sent you instead. He swore if he stared even longer, horns would grow on your head at any given moment.
So, he looked away and continued taking his notes.
“She seems mean,” Baekseung whispered to the two around him. Minji nodded in agreement, mentioning how she got chills from how you stared at the boy.
You proceeded to rub at your temples in an attempt to force away the throbbing migraine coming your way. You couldn’t take a break from studying.
You had to finish reviewing this material before anything at all—not even a meal break was allowed in your Book of Rules.
“What do you guys want to do for lunch?” Baekseung asked, gaining Jungwon and Minji’s attention again.
“I heard they’re going to play Basketball in the gym. You two should play as well!” Minji exclaimed, which only resulted in Jungwon’s head perking up at the sport.
“I’m down,” Jungwon said almost immediately. Baekseung and Minho’s eyebrows rose at his quick decision. It was almost as if he wasn’t studying his butt off while ignoring his two chattery friends a moment ago.
“Are you sure? I thought you had to revise your notes.” Baekseung verbalised his confusion as Jungwon began packing up his belongings.
“I already understand everything. A + B = X times 6–”
“Okay! Okay. No more Math, please.” Baekseung was quick to halt Jungwon’s equation with his index finger. He slowed down his pace when zipping up his backpack, taking in the words Baekseung uttered before.
A smile made its way to the boy’s face at the realisation of his friend's confusion. Baekseung definitely had no clue what they were learning in class.
“Hurry! I don’t want to be late for team decisions.” He exclaimed, hopping off of the desk he sat on.
Jungwon waved off his friend’s pestering and walked out of the classroom, the two trailing behind him.
You, on the other hand, struggled to focus on your work. The whole classroom was quiet and you were the only one left. Everyone had left for lunch, but you.
Yes, you loved quiet, however your migraine didn’t. The accompanied silence only made your migraine throb even more, a faint mic feedback noise to back it up.
Almost like you had a fever.
You placed your pencil down beside your notebook on your desk and stood up from your seat.
A quick stop at the nurse's office wouldn’t hurt anyone, right? It would benefit your studying session and get rid of your pain quite easily.
That was the only exception to your Book of Rules when it came to studying. Nothing else.
Jungwon shot the ball into the hoop, his hair and necktie flowing with his every movement. His uniform sleeves were rolled up, cuffed around the skin above his forearm, helping his gameplay style quite well.
Baekseung smiled at his friend, high-fiving him in the process.
“Nice one! They won’t beat us at this rate.” He said, looking at the scoreboard that read 17-9. Maybe he wasn't exaggerating it like every other time.
Jungwon grinned, his dimples showing faintly. It wasn’t an all-tooth grin, more toothless. His lips were pursed into a thin line and his cheekbones were nearing his under eyes. It was enough to show his appreciation for his friend’s compliment.
His forehead was becoming a slightly sweaty state, causing his previously parted bangs to clump together and loosely stick to the damped skin.
There were 8 more points until the match was done. They didn’t have much time to play 4 full quarters, so they made a bet; first to 25 wins.
Sadly, no rewards could have been won by the players, making this Basketball game more enjoyable than competitive.
Jungwon didn’t have enough time though, he would almost need to return to studying quite soon. Seriously, he couldn’t fall behind someone like you.
“Baek,” Jungwon whispered, hoping it was enough to gain his friend’s attention who stood across from him on the court, but it wasn’t enough at all.
“Baekseung!” Jungwon called while raising his voice a bit over his usual tone. The said boy looked over with widened eyes in shock.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jungwon said, fighting back a snicker at his friend’s startled state.
“Well, I have to go now. Tell Min I said bye too.” He said and walked past Baekseung, patting his shoulder as a way of saying goodbye.
As he walked out of the gymnasium doors, he shook his head, causing his hair strands to move around, some still sticking on his forehead.
He stretched his limbs and began revising the lesson from earlier.
The hallways were empty, leaving him with more of a quiet atmosphere to focus on his thoughts.
Jungwon’s lips moved, soft whispers of equations and problems leaving them. If there were other people here, they would give him the dirtiest looks right now. He most definitely looked psychotic.
Luckily, there wasn’t anyone. Yet.
The sound of the door sliding shut caught his attention and he looked up to see where it came from.
The nurse’s office was always a popular spot in their school, so it wasn't a shock that someone was leaving the room at this exact moment.
Surprisingly, it was a shock to him. He never thought you were the type to leave your desk ever.
Your brows furrowed at the sight before you.
A sight of disgust.
Yang Jungwon was the last person you wanted to see with your throbbing migraine. He was all sweaty, his hair glistened from the sweat droplets that stuck onto the strands, his necktie was loose, his uniform was dishevelled, and his face was a light shade of red due to the hotness of the gymnasium.
He looked disgusting.
Jungwon had no clue as to why you were glaring at him. He wasn’t the reason you ended up visiting the nurse’s office, so why were you giving him such a dirty look?
He should be the annoyed one at this exact moment. After all, you were the one who moved to Earl View Academy and ruined his ‘perfect’ life.
He looked back at you with a confused yet irritated expression on his features as the two of you stood in silence.
Jungwon’s eyes looked over your appearance, noticing how your hand was propped against your chest and holding an item he had seen before.
Your eyes followed his gaze and then widened at realisation. Out of reflex, you hid the painkillers behind your back, not wanting to come off as weak towards him.
You couldn’t let him see you as someone who wasn’t that much of a threat to his academic success.
In silence, you turned around, moving the pill bottle to your chest again, and made your way back to the classroom. For some reason, your movements aggravated Jungwon’s previous calm state.
God, he hated you so much. He couldn’t believe he once thought you were pretty—it would be a lie if he said he still didn’t. That didn’t matter though, you could be pretty and still have a snotty attitude.
That was a perfect description for you.
Although you thought you left Jungwon behind in front of the nurse’s office, to your dismay, you didn’t.
There he was, standing at the doorway of your once previous quiet study room—or in other words, your homeform classroom.
You rolled your eyes after noticing him at the doorway and looked back at your notes.
He ignored your response to his presence and took a seat at his desk near the window. Jungwon slipped his hand into his backpack, grabbing his pencil case and notebook in the process.
A tense silence followed the two of you as you flipped your pages in sync and continued writing down more things in sync.
You were pausing more than he was due to the pain in your head which only slowed down your movements even more. Yes, you planned on taking the painkillers, but not when he was around.
Still, you couldn’t hold back. You had to do it or else you wouldn’t be able to study one bit.
Although the painkillers mentioned eating a meal before intaking the pills, you refused to follow the instructions. You had no time to take a break and find something to fill your stomach, especially when you were already falling behind Jungwon’s studying pace.
You reached for your bottle of water off your desk and popped a pill in your mouth, scarfing down water right after.
Jungwon looked up at the sound of pills shaking in a bottle. It was obvious it came from you, you were the only other person in the classroom.
It seemed like the basketball to your head earlier really took a toll on you. He didn’t blame you though, it truly did sound like it hurt.
Except, that wasn’t the only thing he noticed. Even if he was in one place all lunch, it seemed like you didn’t leave your seat at all. It was kept the exact same like he last saw it before lunch time.
Luckily, the sound of your stomach growling was enough to answer his unsaid question as he watched your ears turn a shade of red.
As much as you tried to pretend that didn’t happen, you were tremendously embarrassed. Still, you couldn’t eat.
Not yet at least.
“You didn’t hear that.” You mumbled, hoping it was loud enough for Jungwon to catch. He hummed in response while eyeing his work, not paying much attention to your silly incident.
He knew how embarrassing it could have been, so it was best not to engage.
Thankfully, God was on your side, ringing the bell a few seconds after Jungwon had hummed.
Soon after, students began flooding into the classroom and heading to their seats in loud crowds.
Therefore, your quiet time with the last person you wanted to spend it with, had ended.
RANK THREE.
“Jungwon and (Name), please come up and answer the questions on the board.”
Great.
It was only 10:30 AM on a Wednesday, and yet you were already going head-to-head with your rival.
Jungwon confidently made his way to the chalkboard and picked up a piece of chalk from the ledge.
You, on the other hand, paused for a moment after getting up from your seat. You were suddenly feeling lightheaded, and that was never a good sign.
However, if you didn’t make it over fast enough, he would for sure beat you in a blink. And so, you did. You rushed over and picked up a chalk stick, then began writing.
It was a simple equation to you, but to everyone else who didn’t understand the lesson, it wasn’t. It was way more complex to them than how it really was.
Jungwon was already halfway through answering the question whilst you haven’t even started. You wrote the given values on the side to keep track of the numbers you would use.
Easy, right?
Not quite.
You couldn’t focus at all even if there were no distractions nor was it loud in your classroom.
The only thing you could hear was the harsh sounds of Jungwon pressing his chalk against the board after he reached a new step.
Your ears became sensitive to any sound, causing you to even take note of the rhythm his piece of chalk followed when gliding against the blackboard. It was irritating you and annoying.
As much as you wanted to stop him from writing, you couldn’t because it was impossible. Your hand wouldn’t move one bit. Your vision became blurry, eyes fluttering shut and opening in a pattern.
“I think I’m going to faint.” You whispered, your words falling deaf on all ears, aside from Jungwon’s.
He didn’t pay much attention to your sentence, brushing it off as a dumb remark about his handwriting or something.
Truthfully, his calligraphy wasn’t the best when it came to using chalk, so you wouldn’t be wrong if you were to say something mean about it. He would only end up agreeing in the end.
Everything stilled for a brief moment before you lost your feeling in your hands, dropping the piece of chalk you held, and falling against the hardwood floor right after.
Gasps were emitted from your classmates—ones you couldn’t even hear—as Jungwon stilled his movements at the loud thud which caused him to flinch slightly.
Jungwon looked down as he still pressed the chalk on the board, his eyes widening and blood draining from his face at the sight.
“(Name)?” Your teacher called, hurriedly making her way towards your unconscious figure. However, there was no response.
“Hey, Jungwon, you were on the track team last year, right?” Ms. Ling asked as he nodded, swallowing and hoping the nauseated feeling in his stomach would disappear.
Spoiler alert—it didn’t.
“Could you run her to the nurse’s office, please?” She asked, leaving the boy with no other choice but to say yes. If he were to say no, he would seem like a villain, and he couldn’t let that happen.
“Okay.” He mumbled and placed the chalk on the ledge before crouching down, slipping an arm under your legs, and wrapping one around your back for extra support.
To his surprise, you were awfully light. A little too light for an average person. It was quite concerning.
Jungwon shook his head, making all his thoughts disappear in the process. He had no time to waste, he had to get you to the nurse’s office quickly—his teacher’s words, not his.
He slid open the door with his foot, shocked that he even managed to succeed himself, and placed you on an unoccupied bed.
Mrs. Oh, the nurse, emerged from her office with a concerned look after noticing the rush Jungwon was in.
“What’s wrong?” She asked before seeing you who lied unconsciously on the bed.
“She fainted a few moments ago in class.” He explained while running a hand through his hair, followed by a sigh.
“Fainted?” The nurse asked and made her way to your still figure, reaching out to touch your pulse points.
“I don’t think it’s a fatal issue. Just hang around for a bit, I’ll run some short tests then you can tell your teacher why she fainted.” Mrs. Oh said as Jungwon nodded.
He could just ask for the notes from Minji after class.
A few moments later, Mrs. Oh returned with a clipboard in her hand and a concerned look on her face.
“Is it bad?” Jungwon asked, slightly worried about her response.
“Oh, no.” Mrs. Oh said, reassuring the boy, then opened her mouth to say something else.
“Thing is, she hasn’t eaten for the last two days.”
What?
RANK FOUR.
Jungwon walked down the hallways of the school, heading to the vending machine nearby. Mrs. Oh’s words replayed in his head many times. It had been a day since your visit to the nurse’s office, but he was still hooked on Mrs. Oh’s discovery.
He didn’t know why he cared that you hadn’t eaten for two days. That was your problem not his.
Yet, he couldn’t help but feel quite worried about your health. How the hell were you still at his level of academic achievements even if you weren’t eating to fuel your brain?
It was crazy. Not even he could survive an hour without a small snack to keep him going. So, how did you even manage to survive?
More of Mrs. Oh’s words flooded through Jungwon’s head, mainly focusing on the fact she put him in charge of making sure you were eating.
Was it not obvious you two hated each other? Well, maybe not since you were fast asleep, but to him it was.
What the hell was he supposed to do to monitor your food intake? Buy you snacks and drinks from the vending machines at their school?
Actually… that wasn’t such a bad idea. It could work for him, but would it work for you? Would you even accept his offers?
You were hard to work with in the first place. There was no way he would follow upon Mrs. Oh’s request. That was your problem and only yours. Not his.
Nevertheless, that didn’t explain the fact he was currently punching in the number two into the vending machine, expecting two granola bars to follow through the hole.
Of course, it wouldn’t be enough to fill him up this lunch, but he had no other choice. He was already exhausted enough from playing football outdoors, leaving him with no more energy to wait in line for food in the cafeteria.
He grabbed the granola bars and made his way to room 116—his home room.
He was excited for the peace and quiet he was about to experience. Nobody ever came to school this early. It was 7:30 AM after all.
School started at 8:20 AM.
If you were to show up at the bell, he could save the granola bar until lunch and give it to you when the room was empty.
Nobody could know that he was interacting with you, especially not after you two made it clear you wanted nothing to do with each other.
“Oh, hey, Jungwon! It’s been quite a bit since I saw you first thing in the morning.” A faculty member said, greeting the boy. He smiled at the teacher and nodded.
It wasn’t a lie. Jungwon always came early, yes, but he never went straight to class. He was either shooting hoops in the gym or doing his morning jog around the track in the field.
The September breeze blew the trees outside as Jungwon watched the leaves sway while walking to class. The windows in the hallways were wide, emitting a bright light into Earl View Academy.
It really suited the vibe he was going for.
But you didn’t.
Jungwon noticed your focused figure, his mood dropping immediately. He was glad you were okay, but not glad that you were in class.
He wanted alone time today, nothing else.
Jungwon put on a straight face, avoiding eye contact with you while walking to his seat. He swiftly placed the granola bar on your desk and moved away as if he didn’t.
You looked down at the granola bar, then to the boy who walked away in silence.
Before you could say anything, he was quick to silence your ‘irritating’ voice.
“Just eat it. Mrs. Oh is making me monitor your meals even if I don’t want to.”
He said without any other explanation. You looked back at the granola bar, hearing Jungwon sit down and begin opening his snack due to the loud rustling of the wrapper.
Instead of doing the same, you pushed the granola bar to the side and returned back to your studies. Once again, your ‘Book of Rules’ said no meals until you were done reviewing.
Jungwon opened his notebook, flipping through the filled pages to find an empty one and begin his studying. He was holding the granola bar in one hand and eating at the same time.
It wasn’t hard at all, which only confused him since you weren’t doing the same.
“Aren’t you going to eat it?” He asked, but you ignored him, staring into your notebook in silence.
The boy scoffed, looking out the window in disbelief. He doesn’t even know why Mrs. Oh trusted him with this ‘task’. He couldn’t say no though, he would have felt guilty to face her again.
Honestly, he was still shocked at the news from yesterday. What did she mean you didn’t eat for 2 days?
Was this an often routine of yours? Was that why you were so concerningly light when he carried you? You were always studying and never seemed like you took any breaks, which only left him wondering.
Seriously, did you ever eat?
“What?” You asked, stiffening and turning around to look at the bow. There was a look of annoyance present on your face, only causing Jungwon to stare back in confusion.
“What?” He questioned back. Why were you looking at him like that even after you blatantly ignored him a moment ago?
“Why is it your business if I ever eat or not?”
Hold on. Did Jungwon think aloud earlier? Was that why you were acting this way?
“I…” He said, fumbling over his words. Truly, how should he respond to that? You weren’t wrong about it not being his business to care—even if you didn’t say that.
He didn’t want to care if you did or not. Still, he couldn’t explain why he was so curious about it.
“Mrs. Oh told me in the nurse’s office that you fainted because your last meal was two days ago…” Jungwon began as your brows furrowed.
“So? Why should you care if that were to happen or not?” You asked.
Once again, you weren’t wrong.
“You’re telling me, you wouldn’t be a little bit concerned about someone who hadn’t eaten for 2 days?”
“If it was part of my business, sure, but if it’s not, then no.”
Jungwon pursed his lips, unsure of what to say next. He tried to think of it, but it ended up coming out on his own. He would definitely regret this later.
“Why?” He started.
“Why do you do that?”
You remained silent and so did he. There was an obvious tension in the air and the both of you felt it easily.
You averted your eyes away from his overpowering gaze, suddenly feeling all fragile due to his sudden question.
“Mind your own business.” You mumbled before turning around to face your desk again.
Normally, you’d return to studying immediately, but this time you were quiet as you stared at your notebook.
You always had answers for questions. Always. However, nobody had ever asked you a question like that, and for some reason, you couldn’t find an answer for it.
Jungwon sighed and shook his head. He didn’t blame you for not answering and getting all defensive instead. It was a question that could pry into anyone’s private life, and obviously, you two were nowhere near a basis like that.
“At least eat the granola bar. I don’t want Mrs. Oh on my ass about anything.” He said before picking up his pencil and writing on his plain notebook.
At the sound of his words, your gaze shifted to the pink wrapper on the granola, noticing how it was strawberry flavoured, one of your favourites.
Maybe you could reconsider eating the snack he got you even if it was going against your rules. It was obvious he wouldn’t leave you alone if you didn’t.
You unwrapped the granola bar, making sure to not crush the treat inside as the bell went so suddenly.
You were both shocked at how much time went past at such a fast pace as a certain thought crossed your mind.
It was time to start another school day.
RANK FIVE.
Ever since that day, Jungwon continuously dropped you off snacks in a discreet manner.
Although you never wanted to eat them, he made you. Your secret rule was slowly being forgotten because of his actions.
“Hey,” he called from his window seat, causing you to remove an earbud from your ear.
“Are you allergic to anything?”
“Why?”
Jungwon stared at you in silence. Were you really asking him that question?
“So I don’t get you anything that’ll kill you…” He said in a tone of disbelief, but you didn’t react.
“Why are you still doing this? Mrs. Oh must’ve forgotten about my visit by now. You can stop.”
You turned away and continued writing in your notebook, leaving Jungwon baffled.
He hated how you were never wrong. Mrs. Oh definitely forgot about your visit from a few weeks ago, but Jungwon couldn’t stop his habit of giving you snacks.
Why?
“You’re telling me you rather faint continuously?” Jungwon asked, halting the hand that went to put your earbud in your ear.
“That’s not a healthy habit. Seriously, you’re going to end up visiting the ER next.”
“As if that hasn’t happened before.” You mumbled and successfully put your earbud in your ear.
Jungwon’s face contorted in confusion, unsure of what you had said. It didn’t seem like the remark he expected, but he shrugged it off.
Whatever.
“Jungwon!” Baekseung exclaimed, running up to the boy and hugging him from behind.
Jungwon stumbled over his feet at the sudden embrace as Minji chuckled from behind the two.
“You’re acting like you haven’t seen him in a decade.” She said, crossing her arms once she reached them.
The hallway they stood in was empty—aside from the 3 being there.
Jungwon wasn’t even aware that he was in the hallway at the moment. His mind was elsewhere when he left the classroom.
Yes, he said he didn’t care about what you said, but he secretly did.
Did he hit a nerve or did he hit one of your soft spots? For the last few weeks, it was obvious there was a lot to you that nobody knew of, yet, Jungwon was close to finding them out.
He felt bad due to your reaction from earlier and a few days ago. Maybe he should really watch what he says from now on.
“What’s up? Do you have your head up in the clouds or something?” Baekseung asked, teasingly.
Jungwon shook out of his thoughts and looked at the boy.
“That was terrible. Never say that again.” He said, causing Baekseung to frown and Minji to laugh.
“Still, he’s right. What’s up with you lately?” Minji asked.
The three walked down the hallways, passing time before their next period started.
“What do you mean what’s up with me?” He asked, confused at their questions.
“You’re constantly spacing out today. Plus, you’re never running or playing basketball outside in the mornings either. I haven’t seen you for a bit every time I arrive at school.” Baekseung explained.
“Dude!” He exclaimed, tapping Jungwon’s shoulder to bring him back from his trance.
Jungwon looked over at Baekseung, startled from the harsh tap.
“What was that for?!” He exclaimed.
“You were doing it again. Seriously, what’s up with you?”
The three remained silent upon Baekseung’s question; Minji and Baekseung waited for Jungwon’s response while he thought of one.
What the hell was he supposed to say?
“Is it her?” Minji asked, chiming into Jungwon’s thoughts.
“Your rival.” She added after seeing Jungwon’s confused face.
He didn’t reply to her question, instead he stayed quieter than ever. Not a peep came out of his mouth. They were almost sure he stopped breathing too.
“So it is! I knew it. Pay up, Baekseung.” Minji said with a bright smile on her face while holding her hand out in front of Baekseung.
Baekseung frowned, glaring at Jungwon as he reached into his pocket for the 10 dollar bill he promised Minji. She looked at the buck, facing the light in case it was fake.
“It’s not fake!” He exclaimed as she chuckled.
“You never know.” Minji said and slipped the $10 into her pocket.
“Wait, you guys placed a bet on me?” Jungwon asked in disbelief.
“Well, yeah. I bet that you liked (Name) and Baekseung said you were just hooked on your university applications.” Minji said, leaning closer to Jungwon.
“He knows nothing about love.”
“I do!” Baekseung blurted, embarrassed at Minji’s remark. She looked over at her and shushed him with a finger on his lip.
“No, you don’t. Just accept that.”
Jungwon shook his head, still shocked at what his friends managed to do. Why would he even be hooked on his university applications if he was 100 percent sure he’d get accepted?
Plus, liking you was definitely out of his range. Wait, liking you?
“I don’t like her! What made you ever think that?!” He exclaimed, his hands flying up in defence.
“Yes. Yes, you do. Don’t fear it, Jungwon.”
Minji looked over at the boy with a teasing smile. Jungwon was a little terrified at the look Minji gave him with her finger still over Baekseung’s lips.
She truly seemed psychotic.
He began speed walking away from the two with hopes that he could escape the so-called assumptions. How would Minji know he liked you before he even knew himself?
Pfft, she was completely wrong.
Jungwon looked at the board, writing his last bits of notes with small diagrams to go along with them.
He was starving, but luckily, lunch was soon.
Speaking of lunch, he wondered what snack he should bring you today. You refused to tell him what you were allergic to, so he couldn’t just get you anything.
He looked up from his notebook, stealing a glance at your seat.
Well, he thought it was your seat, but instead, there was someone slouched over the desk instead.
He continued looking around for you, maybe you switched seats without him knowing?
No, that couldn’t be it. He saw you in the same seat this morning before classes. So, was it really you who was slouched over the desk?
That was surprising. You were always the one to be over the top when it came to education, yet, here you were knocked out mid-lesson.
“For homework, please complete pages 4 and 6. Enjoy your day everyone!” The teacher said while closing their lesson planner and leaving the classroom.
The bell sounded, signalling that lunch had begun while Baekseung and Minji took that as a chance to bother their friend, Jungwon.
“Hey!” Baekseung cheered, sitting down on the window sill like always.
Jungwon looked up at the boy with a smile as Minji turned around in her seat.
“Seems like you don’t have much of a competition anymore.” She said, silently hinting at the girl who was fast asleep—you.
Not even the bell woke you up. You must’ve had a rough night then.
Even if it had been 5 seconds since Minji spoke, Jungwon’s eyes never left you. He was genuinely concerned for your wellbeing.
“Baekseung, didn’t you say you wanted to go to the fast food restaurant nearby for lunch today?” Minji asked, looking up at the boy who stared back in confusion.
“What—”
Minji silenced him with a light slap on his leg, sending him a glare and mouthed the words ‘play along.’
“Oh, yeah! I’ve been craving a burger all day.” Baekseung blurted while nonchalantly rubbing on his leg and dragging out the word ‘all.’
“Jungwon, did you want anything from the fast food restaurant?” Minji asked and looked at him.
But he was still stuck in his trance.
“We’ll get him fries.” She whispered to the boy on the window sill. The two left as quietly as they could, leaving you and Jungwon alone in the classroom.
He observed your silent state, watching how your back raised softly as you breathed. The sunlight from the windows shined on your face, making your eyelashes more visible than others.
You looked so peaceful and so relaxed. It was the first time he had ever seen you this calm and not stuffing your head in your notebooks, rubbing at your temples in a stressful way, harshly sighing and placing your pencil down when you were feeling tired or didn’t understand the formula. It was a great sight.
Jungwon was so focused on you that he didn't notice the smile on his face.
He was smiling because of his arch nemesis. Well, could he even call you his arch nemesis if he cared about you so much?
Probably not.
The vending machine beeped as the four items hit the bottom of it. Jungwon reached down to grab the items and made his way back to class.
Was he out of his mind for still getting you snacks? Possibly. But he couldn’t stop himself, it became a habit of his.
At least you never wasted the snacks he got you. There was one point of the day where you would eat them casually, not even paying much attention to the item in your hold. It became a habit of yours too.
Eventually, the rule became forgotten, but only at school. It still affected you at home.
You woke up in a panic. The classroom you sat in was empty, just like your notebook. The one you significantly chose for the subject.
You looked around, eyes squinting at the bright light from the uncovered windows, taking in the fact nobody—not even Jungwon—was with you.
Great. You were so behind—something you hated.
You panicked, looking at the board to only be met with erase marks of today’s lesson. There was no way you could scavenge with something so little.
Out of habit, you looked down at your desk and rubbed at your temples with your fingers, more stressed out than ever.
You couldn’t fall behind nor could you fail. That was your worst nightmare. Did your parents care if you were to fail a class or fall behind? Not at all. They only cared about you and your health, yet you hated that.
Honestly, growing up, you tended to be naturally good at the things you did. Your parents were, of course, super proud of you, but you didn’t think it was enough.
You never thought anything was enough.
So, studying continuously, fainting continuously, and even starving yourself continuously became a natural routine of yours just to seek academic validation.
If you weren’t at the top of your class or your studies, you weren’t sure how your future would turn out. You would probably end up lower than ever.
No wonder you were so frustrated with yourself. How could you slack off, let alone fall asleep all class? That was so not like you.
You were very disappointed.
The feeling of a sudden coldness on your arm made you jolt. You looked up, wondering where it came from, only to notice the boy who stood before you, Yang Jungwon.
You both looked into each other’s eyes—for the first time, you weren’t glaring. Your vision was quite blurry because of the tears that threatened to fall while he could see you perfectly fine.
He nonchalantly placed the beverage on your desk followed by the poptart. He then made his way to his seat and sat down silently.
You stared at the two items on your desk, holding back your tears. There was nothing about the bottled coffee or the poptart that made you emotional, it was yourself and Jungwon.
You were jealous of him.
The more you attended Earl View Academy, the more you noticed how everyone adored the boy. Everyone, including staff members.
He made friends quite easily and got along with anyone possible.
However, you were the complete opposite. You had your own circle which consisted entirely of yourself and your studying materials, nothing else.
You rarely conversed with anyone, but when you did, it was always harsh. Things easily ticked you off, causing you to confront the so-called things pretty quickly.
Due to this, you were never envisioned as someone who was approachable. Even if you were on top of your studies and understood everything going on, not even many teachers took a liking to you.
It was rare to see one that did.
There were a few times where you tried to maintain certain friendships, but they all ended quite fast. Their reasonings were always the same—you never had time to hang out with them, but you always had time to study.
They eventually fell tired of you and left you behind to befriend someone else. They always regretted even trying something with you because it always turned out to be a ‘waste of their time.’
Jungwon placed his opened notebook on your desk so you could copy down the notes he took in class.
“The homework is page 4 and 6 today. If you don’t understand anything, I could explain it to you if you want.” He said before walking back to his seat.
He shouldn’t be this helpful to you. You two were ‘rivals’ after all—something you both silently yet mutually agreed on. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help himself. Even the sight of your tear filled eyes managed to make him feel a bit hurt.
He probably wasn’t even the cause of it, yet he felt like he was.
“How do you do it?” You asked, catching him off guard. He looked up from his phone and at the back of your head because you refused to face him in such a vulnerable state.
“Do what? Oh, the work? Hold on, let me—”
“Not that.” You said, interrupting him as he halted in his tracks.
“…Then what?” He asked hesitantly. He genuinely had no clue what you meant. Either Jungwon couldn’t read between the lines, or he was just too stupid.
“How do I be like you?”
RANK SIX.
Jungwon stood in silence, stunned at your sudden question. He was never asked such a thing from someone like you.
Children were always the one to ask him that exact question, which only left him with one possible answer every time.
“You’re already like me. Smart and strong.”
It was very cringey, but every child felt confident after hearing his words. Still, you were nowhere near a child, so how could he respond to your question?
“What do you mean?” Was all he could think of. He didn’t want you to seem weak or anything, so he kept it simple and short.
Maybe an elaboration would help him with an answer next time.
“You’re so… perfect. All staff members and students adore you, or even look up to you. You always balance your time, making enough space to hangout with your friends and study at the same time. You’re athletic, smart, most likely a great son, and your parents are probably so proud of you for maintaining the top student rank continuously.” You ranted, leaving him flattered and quite flustered but confused at the same time.
“Perfect?” He asked, genuinely curious about what made you think that.
“Yes, you’re so perfect. I’m jealous of you.” You added, finishing off your sentence while turning to face him.
“You’re jealous of me?”
Truly, in Jungwon’s eyes there was nothing about him to be jealous of. He had his own ups and downs, but managed to keep his composure around his friends and many others.
“Honestly, (Name), you’re fine the way you are. Yes, you have some unhealthy habits, but that doesn’t mean they can’t change.” Jungwon said while walking towards the seat in front of you.
“I wouldn’t say I’m perfect either. Of course, I’m going to sound a bit cringey, but all of us have things we don’t show. Like, I could’ve cried on my way to class.”
“Did you?”
“Did I do what?” Jungwon asked while taking a seat.
“Oh. No, that was just an example. I would never cry where people could see or hear.”
His eyes slightly widened as he raised his hands up in defence.
“I didn’t mean you shouldn’t! Do whatever you feel comfortable with.” He said, hoping he didn’t offend you.
You used your sleeves to wipe away the few tears that managed to fall, then looked at the boy in front of you.
“I don’t know why I’m about to tell you this, but I really need to get it off my chest.”
“Go on,” Jungwon said in a soft voice.
Although he waited for you to speak, you hesitated. Could you even trust him? You two started off as rivals, and still were rivals, but didn’t show it as much.
Whatever, speaking your mind wouldn’t hurt.
“Honestly, it’s not that I need to be on top of my work for my parents to adore me, they do. They very much do and show it every day, but it’s me who thinks it is not enough.” You said.
“I believe if I’m distracted, I won’t be able to achieve my academic goals to the fullest, you know?”
Jungwon nodded even if he didn’t get what you meant. He understood achieving your academic goals, but not to the point where he couldn’t do so if he were distracted.
“I mean, yeah, but considering eating meals or taking breaks as a distraction isn’t good for your mental health—or your health in general,” Jungwon explained as your eyes narrowed.
“Are you scolding me right now?”
“Quite literally.”
You rolled your eyes at Jungwon’s words, waving them off as if they meant nothing.
“Pretend this didn’t happen. Tell anyone, and I’ll make sure your life in Earl View Academy is almost unbearable.” You threatened, sending daggers at the boy.
“How so?” He asked, curious as to what tricks you could pull.
“I’ll beat you on every test, I’ll beat you on the final exam, and even make sure you don’t get accepted into University of Seoul.”
“Okay… However, in return, you have to at the very least tell me what you’re allergic to.” Jungwon said with pleading eyes.
You were shocked that was all he wanted in return. He really wanted to know what you were allergic to, but why? What good would that bring him if he knew what you could and couldn’t eat?
“Why are you so curious about that?”
“Dude, you really want me to end up killing you?” His words sounded like he was joking, but he wasn’t.
“No… I could just eat what I know I can and what I know I can’t.”
Jungwon continued to stare at you, waiting for you to give him the actual answer he wanted. You sighed and gave into his silent begs.
“There’s nothing.”
He remained quiet, his head tilting like a lost cat.
“There’s nothing that I’m allergic to. I’ll eat anything.” You informed the boy as he held back a smile.
“Perfect.” He whispered before grabbing the notebook he gave you earlier.
“What do you mean by perfect?” You asked, causing Jungwon to glance at you with a slight smile on his lips.
“You’ll see.”
RANK SEVEN.
To be honest, yesterday you went home wondering what Jungwon was hinting at.
He pretended as if he had never brought up anything and proceeded to teach you today’s materials. It was annoying.
Yes, you wanted to know badly, but begging wouldn’t even get him to tell you anything.
You adjusted your name tag while looking in the mirror, wondering what else you should fix up.
There was 5 minutes before you had to leave for school. Five minutes before you would get to see Jungwon.
You had no clue why you were a bit excited to see him. Usually, you never were. It was weird.
Part of you was glad he listened to what you had to say yesterday, it felt nice to get it off your chest. However, the other part of you felt ecstatic and let your heart thump even at the thought of seeing the boy.
What happened to the part of you that deeply hated him?
You couldn’t start liking Jungwon. At least, not when there was a possibility that he still hated you or saw you like his competition.
Right?
Jungwon stretched his limbs before reaching down to tie his laces. It had been a while since he ran around the track in the morning. He wanted to see if he still had it in him.
He couldn’t let his stamina fall because of his so-called continuous studying habits. It was also a great way to get his mind off of things, for example, you.
After yesterday’s conversation, for some reason he felt terrible about what you said. Was it his fault? No. But obviously, there was a time and place where he was in the same boat as you.
Trust him, it wasn’t the best.
This morning, he woke up extra earlier than usual because he had a lot to do—cook. He hand picked a recipe he believed you both would enjoy, and cooked all morning so it was nice and fresh by lunch.
It was way better than constantly getting snacks from the vending machine. Now, you could actually gain nutrients while eating.
He was very excited.
But why? Why was he excited to share a meal with you? There wasn’t anything going on between, aside from your quiet studying times halfway through lunch, the conversation from yesterday, and the times you two have been paired up or went head-to-head in class.
Other than that, what was there to really be excited about?
Jungwon slowed down his pace, then leaned over while placing his hands on his knees to catch his breath.
Or was he just excited to see you? What was the meaning of all this?
Were you the reason his heart raced as if he did his morning runs whenever he was in class? Were you the reason he was always planning what he wanted to buy the two of you on his way to school? He rarely ever did that when you didn’t attend Earl View Academy.
So, were you really the reason?
You took a seat at your desk, pulling out your studying equipment—a normal routine of yours. You always arrived at the same time, 7:30 AM, with Jungwon arriving a little after.
Shockingly, even with 5 minutes passing, he didn’t appear. That was odd, he was always on time.
You shook your head, brushing off the fact he hadn’t arrived yet. The things he taught you yesterday were the only materials you had to review this morning.
You couldn’t fall behind so easily.
When you went home, you decided to take a break. A was a rare sight since you were always studying all night and all morning, nobody could stop you.
But for some reason, Jungwon was able to change part of your ‘unhealthy’ studying habits. At your old school, it was impossible for that to happen. Not even your short-term friendships changed anything.
It was the same old ‘Book of Rules’ you followed with no updates.
The door slid open, showcasing an exhausted Jungwon. He walked over to the seat in front of you and placed the two snacks in an empty spot on your desk then took a seat.
It wasn’t at his actual desk, instead, it was the one in front of you.
“Why do you seem so tired?” You asked, noticing his droopy eyes.
“I ran around the track today. It’s been a while since I’ve done it, so I guess I pushed my limits.” He explained while yawning. He stretched his arms before examining your desk; there was a partially empty space at the edge of your desk.
It looked like it could fit most of his arms and head.
“Can I?” He questioned while gesturing at the spot from earlier. You nodded, not giving him any other reaction.
Your heart was already racing from the ‘close’ proximity he provided. You had to keep it lowkey.
“Thanks. Wake me up a few minutes before the bell.” He said and dozed off to dreamland.
The classroom fell silent, the only thing being heard was the rustling leaves from the wind that travelled through the sky, your pencil gliding on the piece of paper you wrote on, sounding like music to Jungwon’s ears.
It was a relaxing sound. Not even close to irritating.
There were moments where you snuck in a few glances, noticing the way his face looked peaceful and less irritating than when he was wide awake. His breathing was at a usual pace as his back rose and fell at his command.
He was quite the pretty sleeper.
The formula of your work suddenly started to not make any sense. You searched the article you were looking at, realisation only hitting you a bit after.
You were working on your English, not Math. No wonder your formulas weren’t making any sense. Clearly, with how close Jungwon was to you, it was obvious you couldn’t think straight.
How often did someone mix up English work with Mathematics? It was never that often, and yet, you still managed to make the mistake.
You picked up your highlighter, forgetting about the embarrassing situation from earlier, and began highlighting simple concepts that you would need to remember when answering the questions.
Without you knowing, 30 minutes of silence passed between the two of you. You were surprised he didn’t wake up from the sound of your beating heart, because to you, it was quite loud.
You hesitated on waking up the boy in front of you. He was sound asleep. What if he woke up cranky?
Still, he requested for you to wake him up a few minutes before the bell. He wouldn’t be mad if you did so, right?
You softly placed your hand on his shoulder and gently shook him at a slow pace. There wasn’t much momentum, however, it was still enough to wake him up.
His eyes slowly opened, eyeing the area he sat in.
He could barely see, eyes still blurred with his sleepiness. Jungwon blinked a few times before looking in front of him, spotting your shocked figure.
“Morning.” He mumbled, his words cutting short because of a yawn. He stretched his arms before looking over at the clock.
It was only 8:20 AM. It always shocked you how students weren’t filling up the classroom around this time. They always arrived at least 5 minutes before the bell. Even if it was shocking, it was quite satisfying how everyone was still on time.
“What’re you working on?” Jungwon asked, slightly curious about the reason you held a highlighter.
“English,” you muttered. He hummed at your words and continued to inspect your desk.
“You didn’t eat?” He asked, pointing at the neatly kept snacks. It looked the same as when he first gave you them.
You shook your head. You completely forgot about the snacks. Instead, you were more focused on calming your racing heart, so it wouldn’t have woken him up.
“Eat. At least three pieces before the lesson starts.” He said. The snacks he brought the both of you were a small packet of animal crackers. One of Jungwon’s favourites as a child.
You paused for a moment, debating if you should follow through with his request. He was staring at you, once again, causing you to feel fragile under his gaze. There was no way he would stop if you didn’t eat.
You placed your highlighter down and grabbed one of the two packets. Hopefully, that would help his strong state.
Honestly, you couldn’t help but feel taken care of because of Jungwon’s acts. Your parents were amazing to you. There was no doubt about it. Still, with Jungwon, there was a new feeling you’ve never felt with anyone else.
At your old school, you wouldn’t even have a chance at something like this. If you fainted, there was only a tiny bit of shock from others. It happened very often because of your bad habits that it became so natural to those who studied and worked there.
But if you were to faint around Jungwon or anyone else in this school, they would be very worried. The nurse at Earl View Academy even instructed Jungwon to watch over your eating habits.
At first, you didn’t like the idea of having a so-called babysitter, but eventually it felt nice to know someone possibly cared about you. He started off as your number one threat, and became the person you looked forward to seeing most.
To him, you started off as someone he could never trust and his one and only arch nemesis, and became the person he watched over and enjoyed being around.
Well, look how the tables turned.
“Also,” Jungwon said, chiming into your thoughts. Your attention was then focused onto the boy who stood up from his previous seat with his animal crackers in hold.
“You’re doing great.” He said as the bell rang as if it were completing his sentence.
He sat in his assigned seat at the window while students began filling up the classroom. Maybe they were a little delayed today, but your heart for sure wasn’t.
You were concerned as to why Jungwon’s words had such an effect on your wellbeing, judging from how fast your heart rate was going.
You didn’t even know it was possible to experience such a rush of adrenaline. Your face felt warm as you recalled his words.
Was he perhaps referring to yesterday’s incident?
No matter what the reason was, you’ve never been told something like that. It was always about taking a break and slowing your pace. Even mentioning how you were trying too hard and needed to pay more attention to yourself.
But the words ‘you’re doing great’ were different. It felt like they were filling a void in your life that you didn’t even know existed.
Whatever it was, you were thankful.
Thankful for Jungwon.
Jungwon watched as the ball ricocheted off the rim of the net, sighing in disappointment.
“Gosh, straighten up.” Baekseung said and tossed the ball back to his friend.
The trio stood inside the empty gymnasium, shooting hoops for fun, until it became serious. Baekseung was quite literally concerned for Jungwon’s wellbeing.
He was missing every one of his shots.
“You do remember he did Track and not Basketball like you, Baek, right?” Minji asked while flipping through the pages of her book.
“I mean, yeah, but he’s never this bad.” Baekseung replied, emphasising his words.
“I’m literally right here.”
“Oh, my bad.”
Minji chuckled at the two, looking away at her book while placing a bookmark between the two pages she stopped on.
“Won, what’s on your mind?” She asked.
Great, here comes round two.
“I swear we didn’t put a bet on anything this time. Feel free to tell us anything.”
Jungwon sighed, letting himself loose. It was now or never. He needed to settle things, so he could peacefully continue along with his day.
So…
“How would you confirm your feelings for someone?”
RANK EIGHT.
Minji blinked her eyes in silence as Baekseung held the basketball in his hand with a dropped jaw.
Judging by their reactions, it was obvious they didn’t know what to say, leaving Jungwon feeling embarrassed.
“Nevermind, forget I said that.”
“No, no.” Minji said, shaking her head.
“We were just… stunned, that’s all.” She reassured Jungwon who’s ears turned a light shade of red out of embarrassment.
“Is this about a particular someone?” Minji questioned, slightly wanting it to be you.
She had been noticing the difference between Jungwon’s behaviour now and the first time you arrived. Nowadays, he was always looking at you with adoration in his eyes instead of an intense glare.
It was definitely different between you two.
“You know who it is, don’t you?” Jungwon asked, judging by her expression. It looked like she was holding off on saying something. She was terrible at hiding her expressions.
“Wait, I’m so confused,” Baekseung chimed in, dropping the basketball and making his way closer to the two.
“It’s (Name), right? The atmosphere between you two is so much different than before.”
Jungwon remained quiet upon Minji’s words. She wasn’t wrong, but she was very observant. Even Jungwon hadn’t noticed the change between you and him.
“Your silence is the only answer we need.” Baekseung said with a sly smile.
What? Who wouldn’t act the same way after finding out his best friend had a crush on someone?
“It is…” Jungwon mumbled.
“Okay. First question is… how do you feel when you’re near her?”
Oh.
Well, that could go a long way… There was at least a list of possible feelings, so where should he even start?
“Tingly. I feel tingly.” He said, recalling the moments he was with you.
To be honest, he was shocked you hadn’t realised how red the tip of his ears were when he fell asleep in front of you. It was almost an impossible process for him to sleep, but he managed.
“Sometimes, my ears become warm and my heart flutters at the sight of her smile or if I were to make her laugh…” He paused, thinking of more things to say.
“And—”
“Yeah, you definitely like her.” Baekseung interrupted with a shock yet disgusted look on his face.
“I do?” Jungwon asked, looking at the boy with wide eyes.
Baekseung nodded, causing him to look over at Minji who only did the same as Baekseung in return.
“Are you ever going to tell her?” Minji asked, opening up her book once again.
“I’d embarrass myself terribly. We’re still kinda rivals in some way. Wouldn’t it be weird if I were to suddenly confess my attraction to her?”
“Okay, Shakespeare, what the hell do you mean by attraction?” Baekseung asked as Minji chuckled.
“He means feelings, Baek.”
“Oh… That makes sense. I say do it, what is there to waste? You only live once.” He explained as Jungwon rolled his eyes.
It was a corny saying he had been told all his life, but they were never wrong. Things always turned out good for him if he at least tried them. Therefore, it wouldn’t hurt to profess his love for you, right?
“Jungwon, it’s 11:30, don’t you have to go now?” Minji questioned after checking the time on her phone.
“Ah, right. Thanks Min, thanks Baek.” He said before smiling at them and leaving.
To be honest, Jungwon was expecting a longer explanation to his feelings, but comparing these moments to a book, it was awfully obvious that he liked you. It must’ve flown past his head the first time.
You stared at the clock, awaiting Jungwon’s arrival. This was the first time you had caught yourself doing something like this. Usually, your head would be stuffed in your notebook right now, but after discovering these possible feelings for the boy you spend lunch with daily, things have changed.
Your habits must’ve been one of them.
There were moments where you glanced at the door, hoping that he would appear after every glance, but he didn’t.
“Sorry.” A voice emitted from the doorway, heavy panting followed through. Your head whipped over, noticing the boy you were waiting for all this time. He looked up from the floor, making straight eye contact with you.
He was subtly sweaty, making it obvious that he ran here. Yes, it was a disgusting look, but to you…
He looked disgustingly handsome. It was odd, very odd, that the look made your heartbeat race. You couldn’t deny it, you definitely liked Jungwon.
“You’re late.” You said in a teasing tone. You could care less if he was late or not, but it was fun to joke around with him.
“I’m aware.” Jungwon joked back while walking towards his seat.
“Are you hungry?” He asked while reaching into his backpack. You stayed silent, not sure how to answer that question.
“Be honest.” He said in a serious tone and grabbed the meal he cooked this morning.
“A little bit.” You replied as he took a seat in front of you. You eyed the containers he placed on the empty space, causing you to move your notebooks aside to create more.
He opened the containers one-by-one, leaving you stunned with every single meal. Once he was left with one container, he looked up to see your reaction, smiling at your childish look.
“Does it look good?”
His question brought you out of your trance, causing you to straighten up immediately.
“Yes. It looks great.” You said as Jungwon chuckled at your response. You observed the 3 containers, noticing the different aspects of each; one had greens while the others didn’t.
“Oh, I wasn’t sure if you liked greens, so I separated them just in case.” He explained while pointing at the container you stared at.
You nodded at his words and hummed in amusement. Maybe you were only a tad bit hungry before, but now, you were starving.
“You don’t have to wait for me, you can eat.” Jungwon said, gesturing at the meal in front of you two.
You looked at him once then down at the utensils, hesitantly reaching for a spoon. Jungwon picked up on this and grabbed your hand, flipping it over while grabbing the spoon that laid on the napkin. He then placed it into the palm of your hand and looked into your eyes.
“Don’t hesitate, it’s fine.” Jungwon said and flashed you a smile, his dimples catching your eyes immediately.
Well, maybe you weren’t hesitating on eating anymore, but you were definitely still hesitant about something…
Confessing your feelings to the boy before you.
Yeah, that could wait.
RANK NINE.
Two days ago, Jungwon had a talk with his two friends. He was reassured about his feelings for you, finalising them to a certain extent.
Today, he claimed he was ready to confess. He wouldn’t back away from doing so, and plus, there ‘wasn’t’ much time until graduation (it was 7 months away).
Of course, it was a lie. He had to make an excuse to be able to push himself to tell you how he really felt.
You, on the other hand, thought the same. But, you weren’t sure how you would approach him in a way where it wouldn’t be as awkward as you imagined.
Still, that would have to wait for the perfect time today. You couldn’t mess this up.
As your teacher spoke, your head became drowsy. Your notes seemed messy due to your eyesight blurring and nothing was comprehendible.
You shook your head, an attempt to regain your composure, but that didn’t work either.
“Okay, everyone. I’ll leave the rest of this period for individual work time.” Your teacher said even if there was only 5 minutes before lunch.
“Soccer today?” Baekseung asked Jungwon who wrote in his notebook.
He nodded at his friend’s request, causing the boy to smile. It had been a while since they went to play soccer and not basketball, so it would be quite fun to reminisce about the past.
The bell went, making 5 minutes feel like 30 seconds. To others it must’ve felt long, but to you, it felt short. You couldn’t focus on anything around you, not even the time. The throbbing headache that made its way into your system, as well as the nauseating feeling was all that occupied your mind.
Nothing else.
Not even the fact Jungwon was standing beside you right now.
“You alright?” He asked. You looked up at him, your head spinning at the movement. It was quiet in the classroom, hinting at the fact there was practically nobody left aside from the two of you.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lies. You were far from feeling ‘fine’. However, you couldn’t let him worry as much as he did about your eating habits.
You managed to flash him a convincing smile as he did the same. The gentle pat on your head before leaving felt comforting knowing it was from Jungwon and no one else.
“I’ll be back.” He said as he walked out the classroom, leaving you alone in silence.
You weren’t able to tell if the heat that crept up your neck was from his subtle action, or the developing fever that made its way towards you. Honestly, you could care less. It wouldn’t stop you from studying anyway.
And, well, maybe preparing your confession for the said boy.
The mesh of the net ricocheted as the ball glided against the barrier. The goalie was on the floor, the outcome of his failed attempt at blocking the ball.
“It’s okay! That was a good try.” A teammate reassured while helping the male up on his feet.
Once the ball was thrown into play, Baekseung scanned the area, searching for an open target to send the ball to. Teamwork was all that mattered when playing sports, so, why not include everyone even if he could shoot the ball himself?
You looked out the window, noticing the view of the many boys who kicked around a soccer ball. It wasn’t the best view, but you were still able to see a few faces—Jungwon’s especially.
Most of you wanted to get a closer look. It would be nice to take a short break from studying, right? It couldn’t hurt your academics that much…
You rose from your seat, head spinning once again. It was unbearable, but you’ve experienced worse.
See, you’ve definitely experienced worse. So, why were you on the verge of passing out, once again?
You stood in front of the window sill Jungwon’s friend, Baekseung, would always sit on. Your grip tightened the ledge, losing balance in your legs. Your vision became even blurry than before as your mind became foggy.
Yeah, you were definitely about to knock out cold. There was no way you would manage to stay conscious.
A moment after coming to terms with the fact you were about to faint, your body hit the floor, leaving the space between two desks occupied.
Your eyes were slowly closing as the warmth of a hand was placed on your face. Ears ringing, making anything that person said incoherent.
It was a terrible feeling. Maybe you should’ve gone to the nurse’s office at the beginning of your fever.
Yeah… Maybe.
“It’s 11:30, I have to go.” Jungwon said after checking the time on his watch. He waved goodbye to those he played with on the field, then looked at the classroom window, a smile making its way to his face.
Now it was time for 30 minutes with you.
But where were you? He scanned the empty classroom, yet you were nowhere to be found. Your stuff wasn't there either.
You weren’t there.
He was confused. You never left your seat, no matter the reason. So, where could you have gone?
Jungwon had no clue where he was going, letting his feet take him wherever. Suddenly, he was in front of the nurse’s office. Not even he knew why he was here.
Without hesitation, he slid open the door, a wave of nostalgia hitting him. Except, you weren’t in his arms like before.
“Oh, Jungwon. What brings you here?” Mrs. Oh greets almost immediately. That was a great question.
What brought him here?
“I’m not sure.” Jungwon said, not knowing what else to say. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t know.
“What do you mean?” She questioned, confused. That was the first time she received an answer like his.
The boy stared at the nurse in silence. It was awkward for her, but not for him.
Seriously, why was he brought here?
“Is… Is (Name) here?” He asked. Part of him regretted letting his so-called question slip out while the other part hoped you were here.
Other than that, he wouldn’t have any other ideas about where you could possibly be right now.
“Oh, yes, she is. Were you looking for her?” Mrs. Oh questioned, a slight smile plastered on her face.
Jungwon nodded, not wanting to say anything else. He already embarrassed himself enough.
He followed the direction the nurse pointed in, heading to where you were supposedly lying down.
“Apparently, she fainted in class again. One of your classmates brought her over… Turns out she had a raging fever.”
So, he wasn’t hallucinating the pained expression you gave him at the start of lunch.
At the sounds of his footsteps, you turned around fast, pretending to be asleep.
“I saw you.” Jungwon said, pulling your curtains aside.
“Nice try.” He took a seat beside you as you bit your bottom lip, eyes squinting in defeat.
“Are you feeling better?”
You turned around at his words to face him. The damped cloth that rested on your forehead slowly slipped off, causing him to catch it.
“A little bit.” You said as he adjusted the cloth.
You weren’t lying about it being a little bit. At least you were now able to move.
“Did you take medication?”
You nodded, noticing the fact he was only going to continue asking questions about your wellbeing.
“I heard you fainted… Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, the worry finally sinking in.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I got up to look out the window, but I guess I overestimated my ability.” You said with a light laugh.
“Why would you get up to look out the window if you were already feeling unwell?” He asked with furrowed brows.
It was only common sense, you should’ve made your way to the nurse's office. Not somewhere to admire scenery.
“Are you lecturing me, again?” You asked, referring to the conversation in the classroom from a while ago.
“Yes. You need to take care of yourself more.”
“But if I said I was trying to watch you play soccer, then what?”
Jungwon felt his heart skip a beat.
Okay. Maybe you got him there.
“T-That doesn’t matter. Your health comes first.” He mentally cursed at himself for stuttering. Your words must’ve taken a toll on him.
“You’re boring.” You said before looking away from the boy.
To be honest, this would be the best time to confess, right?
Mrs. Oh had left the office a while ago, meaning it was just the two of you left alone.
When would Jungwon ever get another opportunity like this one?
“Listen,” he started, gaining your attention all over again. You look over at him, waiting for him to continue his sentence.
“I know grades are important, but your health is too. Please prioritise your health as well, okay?” Jungwon paused, hesitating with his next words.
It was now or never.
“I don't want to fall in love with a corpse. It’ll be better if it were just you.”
You stared at the boy, stunned. You couldn’t tell if your temperature was rising or you were flustered by his sudden confession.
An awkward silence followed through, as he felt his heart sink.
Did he just mess everything up?
“Anyways… have you drank anything yet?” Jungwon asked, switching the topic really fast.
“No…” You whispered.
He nodded his head, pursing his lips and patted his thighs.
“Okay. I’ll go get you something.” He said before rising up from his seat and leaving quite fast.
You felt bad. If it were a confession, you just left him hanging.
Jungwon pushed the buttons on the vending machine with pressure. He was embarrassed.
Very embarrassed.
He didn’t want to show himself in that room ever again. The atmosphere was definitely still the same as before—awkward and unbearable.
Maybe he shouldn’t have taken his friend's advice. He could’ve saved himself from experiencing this sort of regret.
The sound of the juice boxes falling from their designated spots caught Jungwon’s attention. He whined at the sound, not wanting to go back at all.
Still, he couldn’t keep you waiting.
His plan of pretending nothing happened was now set in motion. It wouldn’t be that hard to forget the previous interaction, right?
“I hope you like orange juice—”
“Was that a confession earlier or was I going crazy?”
So much for pretending nothing happened.
He stumbled in his tracks, he was nowhere near your bed yet.
“Was it?” You asked, quite literally pestering a response from him.
Jungwon mumbled something to himself. Something along the lines of hoping he doesn’t mess things up further.
“Yes, it was.” He said, a heavy sigh following through.
Although his sigh sounded stressed, yours sounded relieved.
“Oh, that’s good. I thought I was the only one.” You said, causing Jungwon to make his way to your bed even faster.
“What do you mean?” He asked, his hands carrying the juice boxes and a confused expression on his face.
“Is it not obvious?” You asked, but he remained still.
Clearly, it wasn’t.
You sighed, disappointed that he couldn’t read between the lines with that brain of his.
“I like you too, Jungwon.”
RANK TEN.
“It really happened?!” Baekseung exclaimed, shocked. Jungwon covered his mouth with a hand, not wanting the whole world to hear about yesterday’s interaction.
“Then what?” Minji asked.
“It’s a secret.” Jungwon said with a teasing smile. Minji rolled her eyes at his response. It definitely wasn’t what she wanted to hear.
The classroom door slid open, gaining his attention quickly. You walked into the classroom, holding your books to your chest.
A smile of adoration made its way to Jungwon’s face as you looked over at him, smiling.
Minji observed the interaction with curious eyes.
“What the hell? Never do that again, please.” Baekseung said, removing Jungwon’s hand from his mouth.
“Wait so… Are you guys, well, dating now?” Minji asked.
“Woah, no.” He said, raising his hands up in defence.
“So, you guys just confessed to each other and that was all?” She asked in a more hushed tone since you arrived.
Jungwon nodded.
Minji was about to say something else, but the bell rang, cutting her off before she could even start. The teacher walked in, addressing everyone to return to their seats.
You smiled to yourself and pulled out your phone to send the boy a text.
“Nice one.” It read with a smiley emoji.
Jungwon’s phone dinged, causing him to look at it. A smile made its way to his face as he read the message.
He was lying to his friends the whole time. Yes, that was bad to do, but it was the best way of keeping your official relationship with each other a secret.
They could know you two confessed to each other, but not that you were dating.
To be honest, Jungwon never saw this coming. He always thought you would be someone he hated because he never knew it was possible to meet somebody who was at his level.
He truly thought he was dreaming when he first saw you and learned about that information.
But right now, he was thankful he wasn’t and was thankful that you were someone who he fell in love with.
Ξ ©HAKNOM, 2024
#📋 — tmbmd#k-films#k-labels#kpop fluff#enhypen#enhypen x reader#enha x reader#enhypen fluff#yang jungwon fluff#jungwon x reader#yang jungwon x reader#jungwon#yang jungwon#yang jungwon angst#jungwon angst#jungwon fluff#jungwon enha#enha jungwon#enha#enha fluff#jungwon enhypen#enhypen jungwon#jungwon imagines#jungwon headcanons#jungwon scenarios#enhypen angst#enha angst#enha imagines#enhypen scenarios#enhypen fic
734 notes
·
View notes
Text
CUPID’S CONFLICT — yang jungwon
synopsis. as the man behind cupid's corner, jungwon is responsible for getting majority of the couples at decelis together (namely, riki and his girlfriend.) but there's one person that always gets in the way of half of the couples that jungwon sets up together — you. you are the polar opposite of yang jungwon, affectionately called "evil cupid" by your friends, as you have the unfortunate ability to break any couple up within a couple of weeks just by taking a picture with them. it's not intentional, you tell jungwon. what's also not intentional, is when jungwon finds himself crushing on you.
pairing. non-idol! jungwon x fem! reader
genre. smau, humour, fluff, slight angst, (onesided) enemies to lovers
warnings. swearing, the y/n in this smau is not the same as cupid's corner y/n, jungwon's a little goofy
status. complete
author's note. well here it is !!! 2/3 of cupid's chronicles and the first spinoff of cupids corner. here we have cupid himself getting his own time to shine ^_^ is this inspired by rosé taking pics w celebs and then those celebs somehow break up w their s/o’s weeks or months later ??? yes!!!!
PROFILES — cupid's minions / sport lovers / evil cupid's fans
ONE — im CURSED!!!!
TWO — evil cupid strikes again
THREE — whats after life
FOUR — NICHOLAS????
FIVE — jang wonyoung saves the day
SIX — We Broke Up (18:30)
SEVEN — angry furry
EIGHT — i see whats happening
NINE — that's enough hyungyeom!
TEN — they're single
ELEVEN — bros in love
TWELVE — wooden block
THIRTEEN — wonwonwonwonwon
FOURTEEN — i have prayed for this.
FIFTEEN — let's see where this goes
SIXTEEN — gunwook and eunchae best cupids
SEVENTEEN — this is jungwon, he's?
EIGHTEEN — who's he?
NINETEEN — don't be a douchehole!
TWENTY — the curse
TWENTY ONE — don't you dare say a word
TWENTY TWO — ur a lie guy
TWENTY THREE — 100 bucks?
TWENTY FOUR — sorry for being a douchehole
TWENTY FIVE — eumppappa = cupid
TWENTY SIX — liz’s secret admirer
TWENTY SEVEN — i’m retiring!
TWENTY EIGHT — the schemes of eunwook
TWENTY NINE — human form of the 100 emoji
THIRTY — uncursed
#kflixnet#k labels#enhypen smau#enhypen imagines#enhypen fluff#enhypen au#enhypen scenarios#enhypen angst#enhypen x reader#jungwon smau#jungwon imagines#jungwon fluff#jungwon au#jungwon scenarios#jungwon angst#jungwon x reader
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
overpass graffiti | sim jaeyun
ꕤ DESCRIPTION: “they say we fall in love three times in our lifetime: our first love is the one that breaks us, leaves us hopeless and lost, this then brings us to our second love, the one which picks up the broken pieces of our heart and mends it back together; heals us from the heartache the first left and lastly, our third and final love⏤the love that’s supposed to last. for you, your best friend sim jaeyun happens to be two out of three.”
ꕤPAIRING: best friend!jake x f!reade & second lead!jungwon
ꕤGENRE(S): slice of life!au, soulmate(?)!au
ꕤWORD COUNT: 23.9k
ꕤWARNING(S): loss of virginity, soft dom!jake, sub!reader, oral (f!receiving), p in v intercourse, no protection, drugging (not the reader), underaged drinking, swearing, dry humping, mentions of plan b, mentions of hospitals, possessive!jungwon, mentions of sobriety, heartbreak, allusions to depression, mentions of drinking and smoking, mentions of passing out.
ꕤA/N: i think i have a thing for sim jaeyun and angst.
“Jaeyunie, meet ____. You and her are gonna be best friends.”
Jake’s mother smiles, a hand lightly on his back, and pushes him forward with a gentle pat.
The moment she steps away from his side however, he panics, looking back at her desperately. He’s met with a smile of encouragement - caring but unsympathetic. Jake swallows harshly, shyness heavy in his throat, and uses all the willpower in his 9 year old body to force himself to look at the small female.
Standing across from him, a girl of roughly the same stature is grinning toothily - or at least she could've been, if she’d had enough teeth. ____, was dressed neatly, her hair laid down with lots of gel and two ponytails with bows holding it all together. Her light purple dress swayed as the gentle breeze blew. In one chubby fist she clutched tightly onto her fathers hand. Jake blushed, if he didn’t firmly believe that girls had cooties he would have sworn her to be the prettiest girl he’s ever laid eyes on so instead he scrunches his nose and says the first thing that comes to his mind and knows will hurt her feelings.
“You’re dirty,” he proclaimes, crossing his arms. “Very dirty.”
At his words, ____’s smile quickly falters and an almost angry look overtakes her face. “Am not!” Sensing his daughter's growing fury, her father steps in.
“____ah, calm down. I’m sure Jaeyun didn’t mean it, why don’t you two spend some time together? Hm? I’m sure you’ll be best friends.”
Not giving his daughter any time to argue, he excuses himself and leaves to go join the other adults by the varanda.
____ crosses her arms and stares up at Jake intimidatingly, “apologize.”
Jake gulps, although he’s a whole head taller than the girl and probably even older, he can’t help but be slightly scared of the icy glare she’s sending his way so he meekly mumbles, “I’m sorry”
However, it doesn’t seem as if ____ is pleased with the half assed apology. She raises an eyebrow and impatiently taps her foot on the grass, “for what?”
He gulps, “for calling you dirty, I didn’t mean it.”
Satisfied with the apology, a wide smile breaks out on ____’s face before she doubles over from laughing so hard. “Y-you should have seen your face!” She abruptly stands and quivers her bottom lip as she stares at Jake, “I-I’m s-s-sorry.” She breaks out into laughter once again, unable to hide her amusement. Jake only frowns and crosses his arms.
“It’s not funny.”
Ignoring his embarrassment, ____ walks right up to him and slings an arm around his neck, “Let’s be best friends forever, yah, Jaeyunie?”
Usually Jake would have scolded anyone who called him Jaeyunie, his mother and hyung being the only exceptions, but for some reason hearing the name slip out so easily from your mouth seemed comforting. “Okay,” he agreed, slightly hesitant. “You seem kinda stupid, so I can still be number one with you as my best friend.”
You only smiled in response, delighted, before spinning on your heel and running back to your mother and father, who were talking animatedly with his own parents.
What a strange girl, Jake thought. At least she wouldn't be competition.
___
Later that night, both of Jake’s parents and your mother and father were sitting at the table discussing grown-up things while you were in the bathroom and Jake was sitting beside his brother when his name filtered through to his ears. He had been in the process of stabbing the greens off his plate and slowly feeding them to his precious dog Layla when his parents weren’t looking, but at the mention of his name he perks up instantly.
“...Jake has already been offered scholarships to private middle schools once he finishes elementary but he’ll be attending the private international school his elder brother goes to,” she was bragging again.
Your mother perks up as well, “Wow, that’s so incredible, Suyeon. I think being friends with Jaeyun will really help ____ find some initiative. She’s already so used to being good at things, a little healthy competition is just what she needs.”
Jake’s father nods, gesturing for the maid in the corner to bring over the bottle of wine. “It’s certainly going to help with that. While we’re on this topic, I’d like to invite you to join our study group. We have the best tutors come in and teach the kids after school but only the best of the best are allowed to join, ____ shows a lot of promise.”
Jake listens nervously, watching his father as the maid filled his glass and stepped back.
you’re….smart?
His mother notices him staring, and reaches over to tousle his hair affectionately. “Don’t worry, Jaeyunie,” she croons. “You’ll still be number one. Being friends with kids that are as smart as you is a good thing! You and ____ will have lots more to talk about than you would with anyone else.”
He frowns. He knew sometimes parents lied to kids to stop them from being sad, but his mother would never lie to him. Jake was too clever, he’d figure out the lie before she finished telling it.
“Alright.” He found himself cautious for the second time that day. “As long as I can still be number one.”
Jake in fact did not stay number one for long.
Once you had fully settled into your new life in Australia your grades skyrocketed causing your teachers to bump you up a grade, placing you into Jake’s class, the two of you always went head to head vying for the first rank and each time Jake always fell a point behind.
It aggravated him to no end that you came out of nowhere and completely upended his whole life and identity, Jake had always been the smart one and never had any solid competition so having you seemingly pop out of nowhere and take away the very thing that made him, well him agitated him beyond belief.
But of course this made for a great friendship, while Jake claimed he hated your very existence he soon found himself looking forward to your after school study sessions. You never took them seriously, you always goofed off and made it your life's mission to teach Jake the meaning of fun. It took a while for the boy to warm up to you but you managed to get on his good side with a little bribing of fried chicken and grape soda.
The two of you would wait until your break to sneak out to the fried chicken place down the street to pick up the order you had placed during your tutoring session before heading back to hide in one of the various rooms inside Jake’s spacious home. The two of you would use this time to talk about the annoyances in your life, you would mostly complain about the girls who kept coming up to you to confess their love for Jake and how you were growing quite annoyed with having to turn them down on his behalf. He would only grimace and quickly change the topic to how annoyed he was with you for yet again topping the class rank.
Slowly but surely though, as the two of you began to age, the conversations began to change as he warmed up to you, what used to be pointless bickering and complaining turned into meaningful deep conversations about his fear of attachment, rooted in his father constantly leaving him and his family to go back to Korea for his job overseas. You had slowly become the only constant in Sim Jaeyun’s life and he truly had no intentions of letting you go. You really had become his best friend just like his mother predicted all those years ago.
While it might have taken Jake some time to love you, you loved him from the start. While everyone saw him as the perfect all rounder student you knew he was more than that. You knew he wasn’t perfect, wasn’t some ace who was just naturally talented. No, he worked just as hard- if not harder than his peers to keep up the image he was born to fit. He pulled all-nighters to bring home grades suitable for the assemblyman's son, immersed himself in after school clubs to fill up his resume because God forbid he wasn’t preparing for college at the ripe age of 9, learned multiple languages to become an ambassador for the school and threw himself into learning different instruments and playing different sports to really bring home the title of being an all-rounder.
In everything he pursued, he aced and came out on top. Which is why it irked him to his very core when you came around and knocked him down a peg. You knew right away just how much it bothered him, of course he complained about it every day during your group tutoring sessions but you didn’t really care. If anything it was motivation for you to work even harder to maintain the top spot.
You weren’t doing it out of spite or to intentionally anger him, no you were doing it to show him it’s okay to not always be perfect. It’s okay to rank second, it’s okay to goof off during tutoring sessions when studying is all you ever do, it’s okay to eat junk food when you feel like it and most importantly it’s okay to talk through your emotions with someone. You like to think you ranked first for his own good, to help him realize life is more than just school.
When the two of you reached high school you eased up with working so hard for the top rank but Jake didn’t, he studied all of your summer break before freshman year and placed into a year above you. It annoyed you that you were no longer graduating together but Jake became more lax and carefree knowing he would be graduating a year early, it was refreshing to see a new side of your best friend. Somewhere along the grades of 11 and 12 though, something shifted.
Jake was never unattractive but you never really took note of just how attractive he could be until your junior year.
___
“He’s gonna say no, Sarah.”
“We’re just looking out for you. He’s always hanging out with ____. They’re probably secretly dating, why don’t you just ask someone else?”
“I don’t know why you’re so set on him. I heard he’s already turned down six girls this month. six.”
Jake was just trying to get his calc homework done, bent over in the back of the library with his textbook open in front of him, eyes glued to the page. He spares you a frantic look, desperate to get your attention and convey that it was time to leave before it happened again.
You, of course, were not paying attention. You were splayed out haphazardly on the chair across from him, headphones in and scribbling in your notebook. You had a smudge of graphite on your nose from scratching it in the middle of your doodling session.
You hum peacefully, completely unaware of your friend's turmoil.
It was everywhere. Prom. It was one stupid night, and he was fully planning on spending it wrapped up in blankets in his living room with you watching romcoms. It was the senior prom and he refused to attend a social event he knew you wouldn’t be at.
Unfortunately, Jake was alone in that feeling, the girls whispering from the table behind the two of you were right. He’d been asked six times. Six excruciating experiences of being cornered by a near stranger who smiled too sweetly and asked him to be their date, six separate occasions on which he’d stuttered a “sorry” and bowed deeply, ducking out before they could say any more.
And by this point, he just really, really didn’t want to have to turn down another girl. He felt like absolute crap.
Jake reaches out, tugging at your school uniform. “____” he whisper-yells.
You shrug him off and pout, “you’ll mess me up. Stop.”
He persists however, this time more aggressive and even goes the extra mile and pulls out one of your airpods. “I’ll buy you dinner please can we just go?”
You finally look up from your work slightly agitated and a full on pout graces your lips, if it were any other time Jake would take a moment to admire how adorable you look but it wasn’t.
“Why do you wanna leave so badly?” you huff out.
Before Jake can answer though he’s cut off by Sarah, one of the girls who has made her way over to your table.
“Jake?”
At the mention of his name his eyes squeeze shut and it hits you like a truck on why he was so adamant to leave. This time it’s the girl from his IB Latin class who he tutored on occasion.
She tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear, you wonder what Jake’s response is going to be this time. She’s very pretty.
“Yes?” He croaks out. Behind him, you sit up in your seat, ready to step in if needed.
She looks down, hands twisting together and fidgets and steps side to side, but when she sucks in a sharp inhale and looks up her eyes are filled with determination. Jake feels queasy, almost as if he’s about to vomit.
“Do you maybe want to go to prom with me?”
Jake swallows the lump in his throat, guilt twisting everything into a knot. You see his knuckles turn white as he makes a fist and you resume your drawing, knowing what his answer will be.
“I’m sorry,” he manages. “But I don’t plan on going.”
Your brow shoots up in shock, you never figured he was rejecting all these girls because he simply didn’t want to go, you thought he was just waiting for the right moment to ask the girl he truly wanted to go with. You never asked why he was so closed off about prom, you figured he would tell you in his own time when he was ready.
“Can I ask why?” She lets her hands fall to her side. “Even if you don’t wanna go with me, I think you’d have a lot of fun.” She retreats back to her friends before he can respond. Jake tries not to notice the way they shake their heads sympathetically and pat her back in comfort.
“She’s right you know, prom would be fun.” you say as you shut your sketchbook. “Plus, she seems really sweet.”
Jake rolls his eyes “you sound like my mom.”
“Ha ha,” you drawl, stretching and arching off the chair like a cat. “I really don’t understand why you don’t want to go. It’s your last chance to enjoy a high school dance.”
The previous year, while you were in your sophomore year and Jake in his junior year he skipped out on prom, choosing to attend his model UN conference instead as his dad had put an emphasis on how much more important the meeting was compared to prom.
Jake shrugs and reaches for your backpack to pull out some snacks you packed for him, “it makes it real.”
“Makes what real?” you tilt your head to the side and patiently wait for him to collect his thoughts to elaborate on what was bugging him.
Jake sighs. “That this is the end.” he mummers, “after prom it’s graduation, and after grad I’m off to the states for uni…away from you.”
Your heart skips a beat and your hands start to get clammy at his words. You try to subtly rub your hands on your skirt and sit up straighter, confused as to why his words have such a strong effect on you.
“We’ve never spent more than a week apart from each other and now we’re going to be thousands of miles apart for a year. I can’t go to prom knowing you won’t be there and that it brings me one step closer to leaving.” he continues, he doesn’t look at you as he lays his emotions bare for you, rather he focuses on organizing his snack options.
Your heart twinges at the reminder that he was leaving for Yale in the fall, this would be the last summer spent together for who knows how long. As much as the reminder upsets you, you still plaster a smile on your face and playfully roll your eyes.
“Did you forget our promise? You and me, forever and always. We have all of summer to make as many memories as we went and even after you leave we can facetime, technology has come a long way y’know.” You reach out to take the bag of chips he had settled on eating to open for him before handing it back. “Distance means nothing. I’ll always have time for my best friend, plus when I go to Harvard I’ll only be two hours away. Enjoy the time you have left in Australia. You'll probably miss it more than me when you actually leave.”
Jake shakes his head, “doubt it but you do make a valid point.”
You smirk and shrug, “when do I not?” You clear your throat. “Does this mean you’ll go to prom?”
He tugs his bottom lip between his teeth and tilts his head side to side before asking, “go to prom with me?”
This time you can’t hide your shock, it’s not odd for you and Jake to be pairs for most social events but for some reason him asking you to be his date for his first and only prom causes heat to rise to your cheeks.
“W-what?”
“What? I can’t see myself going with anyone else, I’m most comfortable around you. Plus when I think back to my senior prom I want to remember how much fun I had and when I’m with you all the stress I’m under suddenly doesn’t matter anymore.” He states.
“Stop being corny,” you hiss weakly, fumbling with the straps on your bag. “It’s not a good look.”
Jake giggles, “what? Do you want me to get down on my knees instead? Do a promposal?”
Your eyes widen, mortified at the idea of him putting together a grandiose promposal. “You’re such a little shit, I swear—“
“Hold on, siri play stand by me by be—“
You pick up your sketchbook and hurl it at his head causing him to duck out of the way and fall out of his chair onto the floor with the force of his laughter. Hearing his laugh causes a pinch in your heart.
When he finally manages to pull himself together and off the ground, he wipes at his eyes and sighs. “Seriously, though.” He hums. “Will you go to prom with me?”
You swallow thickly, averting your eyes to the floor. “Sure.” you say quietly. “I guess so.”
You're uncharacteristically nervous for prom. Your mom insisted on taking the day off from work to help you get ready when you told her Jake had asked you to go with him.
You thought she was being dramatic but she swore up and down, left and right- that this was the beginning to your ‘blooming love story’.
She brought you to a salon to have your hair and makeup done and even splurged on a $900 dress. You’re beyond grateful to have a mother as understanding and loving as she is. Your father is away on business and unable to make it to take pictures so your mom has been documenting the whole day to share with him, the two of you are currently in your bedroom as she paints your toes.
“Mom?”
She hums in reply and puts down a new coat of nail polish on your big toe. “How’d you know dad was the one?”
Your heart is quiet in your chest, a calm thumping rather than the stutter it had been at all week as you wait for her response. She softly smiles before responding.
“He showed up to my dorm room with pedialyte and carpet cleaner.” She caps the nail polish and cleans around the edges of your toes. “We had been dating for some time and I was supposed to attend a business summit with him but I had a stomach bug and threw up all over my dorm. Your dad didn’t hesitate to drop his plans for the day and showed up to take care of me. He was the first person to ever put me before anything else and I just knew I loved him when he showed up with no clue on what to do but willing. He didn’t care about what his dad had to say about skipping the event or anything else, just me.”
You hum and fiddle with your hands as you think back to moments you’ve shared with Jake. The first one your brain recalls is the first time you got your period. Unfortunately it happened during your school's nature classroom trip. You were up in the woods for the week learning about nature and science through different activities and during your first night there you got your period. You walked around the whole day with blood stains on your shorts and cramps you couldn’t account for. You were beyond embarrassed come dinner time. You had no girl friends in the grade to ask for help and the boys made it a show of embarrassing you at dinner by pouring ketchup all over your seat. Jake was having none of it though, he came up to you at your table and wrapped his hoodie around your waist before grabbing your arm and leading you out of the canteen to the nurse on site.
He stayed by your side that night watching stand by me on your phone outside the cabins getting bit by mosquitoes. He didn’t complain or make any jokes of his own, rather stayed silent and let you have the quiet time you needed. When the two of you finally retreated back to your separate rooms you found a little gift basket on your bed filled with different types of pads, tampons, a heating pack and some chocolates. Apparently while you were walking around with stained shorts Jake was going around collecting different menstrual items from the girls in your grade to give to you, his way of helping.
It did make your heart flutter at the time but you chalked it up to your period hormones and never spoke on how it made you feel to anyone…Was that when you started to fall in love with your best friend?
Your doorbell goes off and you feel anxiety seep into your bones. Your mom senses this and holds your hand to give it a firm squeeze. “don’t stress about something you’re not sure about, okay? I want you to have fun tonight - both of you.”
You nod at her, loving how she knows exactly what was plaguing your mind, you let her lead you out your room and out to the living room. She lets go of your hand and walks over to the door, opening it wide.
“Wow.” You and Jake exclaim simultaneously as soon as you see each other. The butterflies in your stomach erupt once again at the sight of him; dressed in an sleek black suit with the first three buttons of his black undershirt undone, his hair has been bleached blonde and styled down with a part in the middle.
“You look…amazing.” Jake breathlessly lets out, staring at you in complete awe.
You blush and flatten out invisible wrinkles in your dress. “Thank you so do you, I love your hair.”
He smiles and shakes his fringe out of his eyes, “thanks. Figured why not try something new. Ready to go?”
“Woah woah woah, hold on, you two aren’t going anywhere without taking pictures!” His mom appears from behind him, “Let me go get my phone real quick!”
Your mom claps her hands as scurries off to retrieve her phone, “Oh, yes! I have to take pictures for your dad.”
Jake walks up next to you and you’re sure your heart is about to beat out of your chest. “You look really great, ____.”
“You’re not so bad yourself. Blonde was a great idea.” You bring your hand up to fix his parting a bit more. “It’s a nice contrast with the all black suit.”
“Yeah.” He swallows, looking down at his shoes.
“Okay! I have my phone!” Your mom says as she returns, instructing both of you to move out to her garden in the backyard and stand by the peonies for the photo.
“This might take a while.” You whisper to him and he chuckles, gently placing a hand on your lower exposed back.
“Won’t you get cold later?”
You shrug, “probably. Good thing your mother raised you to be a gentleman.” It takes him a second to register your words, scoffing in disbelief once he realizes what you were hinting towards but he doesn’t argue knowing he really will give you his jacket the second he sees you shiver.
“Smile!”
___
After a long process of taking pictures the two of you finally head out with Jake driving you guys to prom. Upon arriving you’re amazed at how extravagant the venue looks. Just another perk of attending a private school you think to yourself.
After finding parking the two of you head inside to find your table, you’re sharing it with your two friends Kairo and Mei and a random couple who snagged their tickets at the last minute (Jun and Luna).
“Jake! ____!” Kairo and Mei are in the entryway to the ballroom, waiting for the two of you where they texted they would be standing.
Mei walks forward, a greeting never making it past her lips, as she reaches out to brush Jake’s fringe out of his eyes. “Sorry, it was bothering me.” She mumbles as she steps back.
You know her intentions are innocent but with the way Jake’s cheeks flush red and he can barely meet her gaze you feel a twinge of jealousy and sadness. Since when was he flustered by Mei? The four of you met during SAT Prep and formed your own study group to help each other out during midterms and finals your freshman year (Jake’s sophomore) the dynamic between you all was pretty formal. The four of you didn’t make plans to go to the movies or the mall like other kids your age, it was strictly studying and neither of you minded it. Kairo and Mei fulfilled you and Jake in an academic sense while you and Jake met all your social and more emotional needs together.
So why the hell was he all blushy at Mei fixing his hair? Why didn’t he react the same when you fixed his parting?
“Should we go in?” Kairo asks.
“That sounds great,” you grit out, your grip tightening on your clutch.
Mei slides up next to Kairo and slips her arm back through his. The four of you walk in and find your table. Kairo pulls out Mei’s seat and Jake follows, doing the same for you.
“So Jake, are you excited for commencement?” Mei asks once you’ve all taken your seats.
Jake clears his throat, “more nervous than excited. Can’t believe it’s all finally over.”
The three of them go back and forth in idle talk before Jake slowly eases his way out of the conversation, mindlessly nodding at what your friends are saying and leaving you to your thoughts.
He’s uncharacteristically silent though as he bobs his head to the music. Seeing as you know him better than yourself, you know he’s nervous - but why?
Was he thinking of Mei? The thought makes you feel sick; you have no reason to be jealous because you’re just his best friend and your feelings are a jumbled mess you can’t navigate through- you don’t even know what you want from him. He can’t fix what he doesn’t know is broken.
Your mind is absolutely blank as you stare down at your hands on your lap. You only snap out of it when a large hand engulfs yours, but you don’t dare to look at him. You can’t.
“Are you okay?”
There they are again; the stupid butterflies winding up in the confines of your stomach. “Yeah,” You remove his hands from yours, “I’m fine.”
Jake reluctantly lets you pull his hand away, knowing something’s wrong but he doesn’t want to push. You compose yourself and remind yourself about your words to Jake; this is his last school dance. It needs to be memorable.
So you’ll make it memorable.
As the night goes on with the food served and multiple performances happening, you’re able to loosen up and forget your worries.
“Do you want to join the dance floor?” Kairo asks as he eyes the growing dance floor.
“No.” You frantically respond, earning a look of judgment from Mei.
“Yes!” She exclaims, grabbing both you and Kairo before dragging you out of your seats with a gleeful giggle.
You try to grab on to Jake for help, but your hand merely grazes his as you’re pushed to the dance floor. On the dance floor, other people have jumped into the idea of dancing and in no time, it’s filled with dancing students.
A little while later, Jake joins the three of you and your little dance circle moves around each other for a few songs; you’re all laughing and you’re genuinely starting to enjoy yourself. Eventually, Kairo and Mei leave to go take a breather leaving you alone with Jake.
“Are you feeling any better?” He leans down to your ear and tries to speak over the loud music.
You nod, “Ye-”
You’re cut off by the loud upbeat music dying out and picking back up but this time a soft violin intro fills the room, you recognize the song instantly. The live orchestra begins playing the chorus of nobody gets me by Sza, you watch as everyone around you pairs up and when you turn around, Jake is already looking at you with a small smile tugging on his lips.
His ears are tinged pink as he offers you a shrug, “Do you wanna dance?” He holds out his hand to you.
You take it with baited breath and immediately at the touch, the butterflies are at it again. You step closer to him and place your other hand on his shoulder while his other goes to your back, where your skin is exposed.
He’s gone back to being unusually quiet again; he’s just leading you to the slow beat of the song and looking away, only meeting your eyes when he catches your lingering gaze.
“____, you’ve been out of it all night. Are you really okay?” He quietly asks, his brows furrowing.
“I…” For a moment, you consider confessing what’s weighing on your heart but you panic. How would he react if he knew?
“____?”
“I think I’m in love with you.” You blurt out, a heavy sigh leaving your lips as soon as the words come out. You feel a little lighter knowing you’ve said your peace but your heart races in panic as you wait for his response.
“Oh,” Jake whispers. It could have been your imagination but you swear his eyes look just as dizzy and unfocused as your own. His lips part maybe to say something more, but close as quickly as they opened and his gaze flickers down to your lips.
“I-” You choke on your words, shame and regret instantly flooding your body. You want to curl up and hide in a hole but you can’t. Jake is holding on to you too tightly and you’ve already let the cat out of the bag. Might as well get it all off your chest. “I-I don’t know when it happened but I know my feelings aren’t platonic anymore. You’re all I can ever seem to think about, when you touch me it feels like butterflies are swimming in my stomach and the thought of you even being interested in someone else makes me sick to my stomach.”
You take a deep breath, “I think I’m in love with you Jake. I love the little things that make you Jake, your obsession with math and physics, your ability to make anyone you speak to feel truly seen, how you rely on God to get you through hardships you face.” You continue to drone on and on about the quirks you love about your best friend, not noticing the way his lips tip upward in a wide grin.
“I love you.” You confess.
“____?” He asks, voice even.
“Yeah?”
“Stay still.”
Jake steps forward and wraps his hand delicately around the back of your neck, he doesn’t miss the way your hooded eyes follow his movement. He stands up straighter, he’s so close that your noses brush against each other ever so slightly.
The flush on Jake’s cheekbones is clear as day, a lovely rose pink.
He takes one final deep breath and leans in to plant a kiss on your awaiting lips. The moment your lips touch, you feel a spark of electricity jolt through your body but as quick as it comes, however, and before you can react, he’s already swiftly pulling away.
When the two of you pull back, your eyes are wide open, gaze fixed on Jake’s face, his lips left slightly parted. His entire body is vibrating with warmth and anxiety, hardly able to keep still.
Jake stares at you, still feeling the desire pooling in his stomach, and wonders if he had made a mistake.
“____,” Jake calls, quietly. “____.”
He begins to hold his breath. Did he overstep?
“Did you…” You begin, eyes wide, flickering rapidly across his face. “Did you…just…”
“Yeah,” Jake replies, his voice cracking a tad. “Yeah, I did.”
There’s a silence between the two of your for a long second before you collect your bearings and clear your throat and say,
“Do it again.”
Jake feels numb, unable to be shaken or moved by the world around him, so he steps back in and tilts his head to the side, kissing you once again like you asked.
You can barely hear the crowd around you over the sound of your own heartbeat. Jake kisses you softly, almost shyly. A gentle hand slides down to your hip, anchoring you in place, a solid touch while the rest of the world slowly fades away.
You can’t think about anything other than the feeling of Jake’s lips finally on your own. You continue to kiss Jake until you feel his hand leave your hip and he gently pulls his lips away.
You keep your eyes shut for a second longer, body thrumming with warmth and energy, you feel Jake’s forehead knock against yours after a beat. When you finally open your eyes, like always, Jake was staring right back at you.
“I love you too.”
Following prom you feel as though you’re on cloud nine. After your shared confessions and heated kisses Jake took you outside of the venue to discuss where things would go from here. He only had three more months left in Australia before he had to leave for Yale but he knew he would be a fool if he let you go.
The two of you came to the conclusion that you would take things slow and enjoy the little time you had together working towards being a couple and pick things back up once you graduated and made your way to the states to join Jake.
Things truly felt perfect, Jake would come by your home every now and then to take you on impromptu dates with a new bouquet everytime and an explanation on why he chose those specific flowers. On days where he was too busy getting ready for his upcoming semester to take you out, you would pack him little lunches and drive the two of you down to the park you would often visit in your childhood and have little picnics while listening to him go on about how excited he was for the physics program at Yale.
The people who had been in your lives and watched you grow up together were thrilled at the direction in which your relationship was going. Both your parents were delighted when Jake broke the news that you were officially seeing each other on a romantic level working towards eventually dating. You would often have Sunday brunch together after going to church with his family and yours before sneaking off to his room to cuddle on his bed for an afternoon nap.
Had you known this is what would come with confessing, you would have told Jake way sooner but sadly, time had passed and the date of Jake’s departure from Australia was fastly approaching. He has a week left and he’s determined to make it the best one yet.
“Let's road trip to Sydney.”
You stop fiddling with Jake's fingers and turn your head to look up at him from your position on his chest. “What?”
He smiles down at you before placing a quick kiss to your forehead. “You heard me, let’s take a road trip to Sydney.”
You playfully roll your eyes. “Yeah I heard you dummy but why?”
He shrugs and entwines your hands once more. “Why not? It’s my last week and we talked about road tripping down there for spring break but someone,” he pauses to poke at your side with his free hand drawing out some giggles form you his heart warming at the sound, “-just had to get sick the night before we were supposed to leave.”
You let out a groan, “you’re never going to let that go are you?” Jake hums, “absolutely not.”
You huff in thought, “it’s a nine hour drive Jake…”
He sits up forcing you to do the same as well, turning to face him. “We can take turns. Plus my flights’ leaving from Sydney, we could go to the airport together and have a proper goodbye without my parents bugging us.”
You bite down on your lip seriously considering Jake’s impromptu idea. Within the past three months you’ve had to share Jake with so many people- his soccer team, his orchestra friends, his family. Everyone. Alone time was scarce and the thought of a getaway to Sydney where it would be just the two of you and no distractions sounded lovely.
“Okay.”
“Okay? Just like that?”
You hum and move to sit on his lap and throw your hands over his shoulders. “Why not?”
A huge smile breaks out on Jake's face causing you to smile as well, something about seeing him happy always managed to bring you happiness. It should be scary, just how willing you are to sacrifice for Jake but for some reason you always throw caution to the wind the second he comes around. You’d give him the world if you could.
You feel Jake wrap his arms around your waist and slowly slide his hands under your shirt to caress your back. “What's going on in that pretty head of yours, love?”
You begin playing with the hair on the nape of his neck and whisper out, “thinking bout’ how I'd give you the world.” Jake’s hands pause at the base of your back, clearly caught off guard, you look down at his eyes and see how dark they’ve gotten. Desire and love pooling in the hues of his brown eyes. “You are my world.”
He leans in as he finishes his sentence and places his lips on yours. The feeling of his lips is incredibly warm as he pushes them against yours, slightly chapped but otherwise still soft. The amount of emotion he puts into kissing you isn’t like anything you felt before, there’s more desire in this kiss compared to all the others you’ve shared. The feeling of his tongue sweeping against the plumpness of your lower lip and the heat from his body sends butterflies to your stomach.
His hands fall down to your hips, pushing up your t-shirt to feel the softness of your stomach beneath his palms with battered breaths before pushing you back. He makes quick work of flipping you so your back is now on the mattress and it’s him straddling you. You gasp at the feeling of the soft mattress beneath you, his body pinning you deeper back as he continues exploring your mouth with his own.
You pull back slightly, breathing heavily and your lips red and plump with saliva. Jake smirks at the sight, his thumb coming up to pull down your bottom lip with the tip of his finger before moving his mouth to the sensitive skin of your neck.
The strands of his hair are silky beneath your fingertips, gasping and tugging at the roots as he bites down on a certain area of your neck that makes your core clench.
“Jaeyun,” you whisper, whimpering at the feeling of his palm applying pressure lightly against your navel. “Are we-?”
He slowly pulls away from you and adamantly shakes his head. “No.” you whine in protest as he pulls away and lays beside you once more. He pulls you close to his chest before confessing to you. “I want our first time to be romantic, not some quick fuck in my bedroom.” He kisses your temple. “You deserve more than that.”
The Following Day - 1:36PM
“Ready to head out?”
You whirl around to find Jake standing in front of you and your parents, having just finished packing your suitcases in the trunk of his car and is now looking over at you with a tilt in his head.
You nod and smile brightly. “Of course,” You say, turning to your mom and dad to bid them one fast farewell. “I was just saying bye.”
He nods in understanding, waving to your parents, “I promise we’ll be safe and if anything happens you’ll be the first we call.” He says to reassure your parents, more so your dad who was a bit more hesitant to the last minute idea.
Your dad nods stiffly at Jake, “take good care of her. No drinking or scandalous activities, I’m not ready for any grandchildren.”
You gasp at your dads words and swat at his chest. “Dad! Stop embarrassing me!” He only tisks in your direction.
“You know what's more embarrassing? Having to finish your senior year pregn-”
“-Ahhh. Dad, stop it! I promise we’ll make smart choices!”
He chortles at your flushed expression and leans in for a hug. “I’m only messing with you.” You hug him back before pulling away to give your mother a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.
“See you in a week!”
After pulling away Jake steps forward to hug your parents goodbye as well.
“Be safe Jake, we’ll miss seeing you so often! Make sure to call us if you ever need anything once in the states, okay?” Your mom softly says to him as she holds his face in her hands, tears slowly filling her eyes. Over the years Jake has slowly become like a son to her, she was used to cooking extra knowing he’d come over for dinner after your tutoring sessions. She had even turned one of the spare bedrooms into a personal room for Jake, allowing him to sleepover when his parents were out of town for business.
You can only imagine how much she's going to miss him, maybe as much as you know you’ll be missing him.
He nods and sniffs, is he crying too? “Of course auntie, I’m really going to miss our Friday night movie marathons.”
You smile bitterly beginning to fight back tears of your own. Your father was always away for weekend meetings in Melbourne starting Friday night into Saturday evening and as captain of the varsity volleyball team you had late night practices every Friday meaning you wouldn’t be back home until the dead of night and your mother was left all alone. Jake, having nothing to do once classes were done would often go over to your home to keep her company so she wouldn’t be all alone in your home. It was a little tradition the two kept up over the years.
You hadn't given yourself time to really mourn the idea of being separated from Jake for an entire year but watching him say his tearful goodbyes to your parents is really putting into perspective just how entwined your lives are. He’s your everything and how he’s leaving, how are you going to manage your senior year without your best friend?
“We should get going.”
“Mhmm.” You look over at Jake and reach a hand out to wipe away his fallen tears. “It’s okay.”
The two of you say one last goodbye before getting into Jake’s range rover, you look out the window to see your parents waving you off. You slide back into the passenger seat of his car and put on your seatbelt now processing the fact that this is the last week you have with Jake.
There is a silence as Jake is starting the car, and a part of you wants to die. On one hand you want to cry and beg him to stay but on the other you know if you do, Jake will differ his offer and take a year off to be with you. That’s the last thing you want, he deserves happiness. That’s all you’ve ever wanted for him. If that means braving a smile for now while your heart is in turmoil so be it.
Jake is the first to break the silence.
“That was a lot harder than I thought it would be.” He drives down your driveway before making a right to pull into the neighborhood.
“Goodbyes are never easy.”
“Yeah but…I didn't cry when saying bye to my parents but something about your parents made leaving seem all the more ...real?”
“It’s only natural, you spent more time with us. You’re like their second child.”
Jake hums in thought, “I don’t think I’lll survive having to say goodbye to you.”
You purse your lips thinking about what your goodbye would be like. Would there be tears? Unspoken words? “I think you’ll be just fine.” You reach out for his right hand that lays on the gear shift and hold it tightly. “It’s only temporary.”
The next nine hours are spent singing old 90’s love songs and making pit stops every now and then to stock up on some new snacks and to switch off so Jake isn’t so tired. During your third stop is when Jake pulls out a camera and begins vlogging the remainder of the trip claiming it would be nice to look back at it once the trip is over.
Once you finally make it to your destination, you pull into the driveway and place the car in park before looking around at your surroundings. The home is modern with nothing but natural light, it’s surrounded by trees to still give you enough privacy but it’s secluded from the other homes on the lane.
“Oh my gosh it’s so pretty.”
You open the door and immediately extend your legs out onto the solid ground beneath you. You let out a sigh of satisfaction and Jake laughs from next to you.
He’s opening his own car door soon after, but he straightens up into a standing position pretty quickly and stretches upwards. He closes the car door behind him, watching as you eventually pull yourself together to do the same.
You turn to face him. “I’m gonna use the bathroom.” You gesture towards the airbnb and earn a nod from Jake, who mentions something about doing the same thing. You meet back at the car a few minutes later.
Jake gestures to the trees surrounding the home. “Want to take a walk around the area? I think I saw a park when we pulled into the neighborhood.”
You nod. “That sounds like a good idea.”
“Why don’t you get started? I’ll catch up.” Jake watches you leave, before opening the trunk of his car and rummaging around.
He does catch up with you, quickly enough that you hardly notice that he had sent you out first. You hear his footsteps, and the call of your name, causing you to turn around. “Jake!”
The sight before you makes you smile brightly. Standing before you is Jake, with his polaroid in hand. The lens is pointed right at you. As soon as you’re staring straight into the camera, Jake grins. “Say cheese”
You giggle and close your eyes before making a little peace sign. You hear the little click and the flash illuminates your face. You open your eyes to find Jake smiling down at the little printed picture waiting for it to develop. “I can’t believe you brought that.”
“I’m a photographer at heart, what did you expect?” Jake teases back. “Besides, it’s really pretty around here. I need some pictures for my dorm.”
You blush at the thought of him putting up a picture of you on his dorm wall. The pair of you begin to make your way to the park, taking in the view from different angles. The stroll is mostly just to get rid of the pent up energy, but it’s still a nice view to admire. As soon as you arrive at the park you ditch Jake to run to the swing set.
“Push me?”
Jake rolls his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief but still walks behind you to push you forward.
“Did you know my brother and I got in trouble with our mom because of how high we would swing you?” Jake giggles, “she was worried we’d push you too high and you’d go flying.”
“I blame your brother. He turns everything into a competition.”
“So do you!” Jake exclaims. You quickly stop the swing with your feet to turn back at him with a judgmental look on your face. “When we were a little older and Jaehyun left us to push each other you would get annoyed that I didn't push you as hard as you did for me.”
“It's true though.”
You scoffed, “at least I didn’t actually push you off your seat.”
He laughs at the memory, “we’re stronger now, do you wanna see who can go higher?”
“knowing exactly how strong you are… uh, not really? but whatever, let’s do it!” you brace yourself on the swing and start pulling yourself back to get momentum.
“Okay, wait! Wait!” he rushes to the seat beside yours and pushes it as far as his hips can go, already giving him an advantage. “Okay, go!”
Childish laughter escapes both of you as you let yourselves swing back and forth, trying to put your weight in properly to reach higher than each other. it really felt like you were kids again, you felt at peace, a part of you never wanted this night to end.
The next few days fly by and just like that it’s the night before Jake’s flight. You had spent your time in Sydney visiting the opera house, late night dinner dates and excursions all over the bustling city. There truly never was a dull moment within this week that’s come to pass. Getting to make new memories with Jake is exactly what you needed.
The two of you have just gotten back from dinner at Altitude, a restaurant overlooking the opera house. You’re now in your shared bathroom dressed in one of Jake’s old tee’s and a thong doing your nightly skin care routine as Jake undresses in the bedroom, getting ready for his nightly shower. You look at his reflection through the mirror as he takes off his shirt. Your eyes skim down his toned chest, desire pooling in the pits of your stomach. Throughout your time here it’s been nothing but makeouts and little pecks throughout the day. You wonder if he’ll finally make a move tonight.
“I can feel you staring, love.”
“That’s the point.”
Jake doesn’t say anything in response but rather slides up behind you and peppers your neck with gentle kisses. He cages you between his body and sink and presses his hips into your back. Your eyes flutter shut at the feeling of his fully hard cock pressing against your lower back.
Jake’s eyes rake your body through the mirror, desire burning in his irises. he shifts his eyes to stare at your lips before moving back to turn you around and face him and press himself directly to your front before leaning down and in. He takes his time, giving you the opportunity to pull away but you don’t. You want this.
He leans forward and allows his lips to graze yours, the faintest of touches. “Are you sure you want to do this darling? We don't have to.” Jake asks softly.
You shyly nod your head and lean in to close the gap but he pulls ways and shakes his head, “no love. I need to hear you say yes.”
“Yes, I want to do this, Jaeyun.” You push forward allowing your lips to touch. He groans once your lips make contact. You’re unable to focus on anything other than the feeling of his lips on yours.
You can faintly taste the shirley temple he had at dinner on his tongue. He sucks harder on your lip and brings one hand down in between your things to prod at your pulsing heat.
He pulls away to let his eyes drink in the sight of you before leaning down to pick you up. you let out a yelp and grasp onto his biceps for protection, “w-what are you doing?” You sputter.
“I can’t make love to you properly on the sink, darling.”
You blush at his words and bury your face into his chest, after a few strides Jake is gingerly placing you on the bed.
He gets onto his knees and straddles your hips before reaching out to help you out of your shirt. You breathe in deeply savoring the way he feels pressed against you. the feeling of his warm fingers moving under the hem of your shirt across your stomach. He lifts it off of your body and tosses it across the room.
“Thank you for trusting me with your body.” Jake says before leaning back in and places his lips on yours yet again.
You moan into the kiss before he trails kisses down your jaw to your neck, his teeth brushing over your skin and making you shiver regardless of the heat being provided by Jake’s skin pushed up against yours. You close your eyes and relish the feeling.
With his lips still pressed against your neck, he whispers, “what do you want love?”
Your eyes flutter open as he slowly pulls away to look at you.
“I won’t do anything until you tell me what you want.” He reiterates before placing his lips back onto your neck, biting down making it harder for you to form a coherent sentence.
“I-i don’t know.” You say breathily but he chuckles in your ear, “yes you do love, tell me what you want so I can make you feel good.” He says as he gently tugs at your underwear, you whine and raise your hips off the bed to allow him to take it off faster. He tisks, “I need to hear you say it.” You look up at him to meet his gaze, “I want you to touch me.”
His gaze hardens, “spread your legs doll.” He orders.
He shifts his position and allows you to spread your legs before slotting himself in between them. He taps his fingers against your hips silently asking you to raise them. You shyly lift them to the best of your ability and let him pull them off of you, your arousal clinging to your underwear and clit.
Once you’re completely naked, he brings his lips to your chest and roughly kisses your skin, his tongue probing at your nipple. You whimper when he bites your left nipple, the feeling overwhelming. He pulls back and looks at your bare body.
“Fuck you’re so beautiful.” He mumbles before leaning down to toy with your pussy.
“You’re so wet too. Did our kissing turn you on so much, love?” Jake asks, smirking down at you. your face heats up at his words but you don’t respond. He looks back down at your pussy and shifts his position so he’s laying down in front of your pussy. He lets his pointer finger circle your clit for a little before running it along the slit of your folds. You let out a mewl at the feeling wanting more. “P-please Ja..” You moan.
“Patience, love.”
He dips one finger into you and you hiss at the feeling. It’s been a while since you’ve been touched down there and you’re extremely sensitive. “You’re so tight,” he says, pushing his finger deeper until the entire digit is buried snuggly inside you. You close your eyes and tug at the bedsheets, loving the feeling of him fingering you.
You’re a moaning mess by the time he manages to slide his whole finger into you. You clench around his fingers as he slides them in and out of your snatch and grasp onto your bedsheets. “Does it feel nice to be stuffed with my fingers?” Jake asks.
You know your voice will fail you so you adamantly nod your head. Jake picks up the pace and your hips move to his strokes. Jake licks his lips when he feels your walls clenching tightly around his digits.
“I-i think I’m close.”
His fingers curl inside of you which causes your hips to jerk upwards. “Are you cunning?” He asks cheekily.
You nod eagerly, “yes!” your eyes snap shut as you enjoy the feeling, “o-oh my gosh” you cry as you feel him kiss the inside of your thighs. He trails the kisses upwards until he’s face to face with your pussy and places a soft kiss on the nub before sucking on it, his tongue flicking around. He pulls his pointer and middle finger out so he can eat you out freely.
He licks the slit of your folds and firmly grips the flesh of your thighs most likely leaving marks. Marks that would remind you of this moment later on.
Jake picks up the pace, he’s going so fast that you let out a quiet scream. You fist and unfist your sheets as you rock your hips against his face and come.
Your orgasm hits you so hard that tears fill your vision.
Jake allows you to ride out your high before coming up from your private parts and leans back down to place a chaste kiss on your lips.
“Are you feeling alright love?” He asks as he strokes your hair. You’re heaving, trying to catch your breath.
“Yes.”
“Do you want to continue?”
You nod but then remember Jake wants verbal responses, “I do.”
Jake wastes no time in removing his shorts and boxers and gently moves up your body. you wrap your arms around his neck. “C-can you be gentle?” You sheepishly ask.
Your question sends an immediate reaction to Jake’s dick, he swears he could have busted a nut right then and there. “Of course doll, I'll be gentle.”
He tentatively strokes your folds with two fingers, eyes darting back up to yours to check your response. You hiss, still a bit sensitive. “Is this okay? Are you sensitive?”
“I’m fine,” you assure, “go ahead, I’m okay.”
He nods, gathering some of your wetness and smears it on his cock, a moan of relief leaving his swollen lips. “I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be buried inside of you,” he says, angling himself better and positioning his cock near your entrance.
“Please,” you whimper, biting back a cry once his length breaches your entrance. Jake lets out a guttural growl, slowly sinking into you and bottoming out letting you adjust to his length.
“You’re so beautiful.” Jake says, rolling his hips torturously slow. “You were made for me, love. Just for me.”
You open your eyes, taking a deep breath. “I’m ready, you can move now.”
Jake leans forward to place a kiss on your cheek, then on your jaw, and then on your neck. As Jake busies himself there he slowly begins to thrusts in and out of you.
Your hands are all over him; clawing his back, gripping his biceps. “Love,” he whispers, “you feel so good.”
The sound of your bodies slapping against each other plus your loud wanton moans and the creaking from the bed is all that can be heard reverberating around in the home. He thrusts two more times, his hips stuttering before he chokes out, “mm gonna cum.”
You scratch at his sides and bite your lip to suppress your moan, “m-me too.”
“You can cum love,” Jake coos. He wraps his arms around you and hugs you closer to his body, the feeling of your chest pressed against him and his dick pounding into you is enough to send you over the edge.
“I’m cumming!” You mumble into his skin. Jake groans at the feeling of you cumming on his dick before his hips still and he comes inside you painting your walls white.
His lips are on your shoulders and neck, softly sucking on patches of your skin and murmuring sweet nothings as you calm down.
“Fuck.”
Jake pulls out and looks down at the mess of the sheets, now that he’s no longer caught up in his lustful haze it dawns on him that the two of you didn’t use protection. So much for smart choices.
As if now remembering yourself you shrug, “I’ll just grab a plan b tomorrow.”
Jake nods, “I’ll send you the money for it.”
His body then drops to lay beside you and he pulls you in close with the promise of a hot shower after a few minutes of decompressing. You roll over and sit up, swatting Jake’s hands away as he reaches for your arm. “Wait, I have something for you.”
He hums, interest piqued. “Huh?”
You open the bedside drawer where you had hidden the card you had written for Jake before the two of you left Brisbane. It was a love letter, all the things you’ve ever wanted to tell him but kept to yourself out of fear. It holds all the words your heart so desperately wants to tell him before he leaves.
“It’s not anything extravagant but I know you care more for sentimental things anyway.” You hand him the card, “don’t read it until you’re on the plane.”
He looks at the light pink envelope decorated in stickers and his name written in neat calligraphy in the center, the faintest smile on his face but a hint of sadness in his eyes.
“I love you.”
The way he says it sounds different from all the other times he’s ever told you. Almost as if he needs to convince you that he loves you but you know. He places one last kiss to your lips before pulling you back down to cuddle.
“I’m going to miss you.”
Jake hums, “me too.”
The room slips into a comforting silence and eventually you drift off.
8:41am
You wake up feeling cold. You whine and feel around for Jake’s body but when you feel nothing you open your eyes and softly call out for him. “Jake?”
When you’re met with no response you sit up and look around the still dark room. You stand from the bed and reach for your shirt that was still on the ground. You hadn’t intended to fall asleep, it was only meant to be a quick nap before the two of you took a shower together and watched movies until it was time for you to head to the airport.
“Jake? If you’re trying to scare me, give up.”
You’re still met with silence and you begin to feel uneasy. “Jake?”
You search the living room and your heart drops. His things are gone, his shoes, his suitcases. Everything. You run back to the room to see if it’s really true, if Jake left without saying goodbye. What you find breaks your heart even more. All his toiletries are gone, all that's left are your belongings. You let out a sob when you find the love letter you had written for him laying atop his pillow, opened and crumpled at the sides, proof he had read it but didn’t care enough to take it with him.
You drop on to the bed in shock and disbelief, tears sitting in your waterline. You turn to look beside you, staring at the letter as if it had burned you, the only trace that Jake was ever here is his scent in the sheets. You look at the alarm clock to see if you’ll be able to make it to the airport on time and bid him a proper farewell, your heart sinks once again when you realize you’re far too late. It’s 8:50 and his flight leaves in ten minutes. You sniff and decide to not dwell on it, Jake probably had his reasons and you have to get ready to go home.
You strip out of your shirt and discard it on the floor before walking into the bathroom to start your shower. You step into the shower, toes flinching as they touch the chilled ceramic floor. Your mind is in shreds; how could Jake leave without a goodbye? You turn the dial, releasing thousands of frigid drops, wetting your hair and trickling down your back. Your eyes fall closed and images of last night cross your mind.
You want to scream. Did last night not mean as much to him as it did to you? Was this all so he could fuck and just leave? You wrap up your shower and step out to brush your teeth. When finished, you dry off and head for your suitcase to pick out an outfit. You settle on sweatpants and an old graphic tee with slides. Once dressed and ready for your journey back, you finish your packing and look around the house one last time to see if maybe Jake left anything for you, maybe even an explanation. All you find is a plan b box on the kitchen counter next to a water bottle. You pick up the pill box and exit promptly and throw your things in the back of Jake’s car. You look down at the passenger seat where the letter you had written for him sits. You pick it up and examine it one last time before shoving it deep into your backpack.
Maybe this was less painful than having to say goodbye.
It in fact was not less painful. A day passed, then two, then a week, then a month. You stared at your phone at all hours of the day, calling and texting waiting for confirmation that he had arrived safely and an explanation on why he went ghost but it never came.
You started your senior year alone. That was the first time you ever realized just how dependent you were on Jake, you had no other friends to go to the movies with, you spent your senior appreciation week alone, you had no one to make plans with when the weekend would roll around. Maybe you should have made deeper connections. You slowly started to lose sight of the end goal, Harvard had always been your dream but your mind was in too much turmoil to see it meaning anything without Jake, your heart can’t stand to be near him but not have a connection to him. You had heard from his mother that he had settled in at Yale and was enjoying his time abroad. You never told your parents what happened down in Sydney, you couldn’t bring yourself to talk about it without crying.
Eventually you began to decline, your grades took a hit and your GPA dropped from the perfect 4.5 it had been sitting at for the past four years to a 3.2. You started failing your core classes and you were kicked off of the varsity volleyball team. Your parents couldn’t understand the sudden change in you. You stopped talking to them, stopped going to your tutoring sessions and stopped caring about life itself. You would only go to school when you felt like it and come straight home before locking yourself in your bedroom. When time came to send in your college applications you didn’t know what to do. You knew Harvard wouldn’t want you and you never considered any other options. You sat down with your guidance counselor and she gave you some options. The majority consisted of staying in Australia, letting you know it didn’t seem possible to go abroad. You limited your application process to four schools, two in Australia and two in Massachusetts. If Harvard didn’t want you, maybe a private school would grant you admission and you could transfer in your sophomore year.
As much as you wanted to be far away from him, Massachusetts happened to have all the top schools that were realistic for you. You applied to Northeastern and Boston college. Neither were the ivy leagues you were hoping to attend but private institutions nonetheless. You sent in your applications for early action, praying you would get in and get to leave Australia behind. You were suffocating here.
Luckily for you, your acceptance letter came from Northeastern and you were quick to accept. You were waitlisted for Boston College and accepted to both Australian unis but you had decided where you were going. You toured Northeastern in the spring with your mom, you both absolutely fell in love with the campus. It was right in the middle of the city, across from the train system making getting around easy. You got to meet the girl you would be dorming with, Avianca; Avi for short. She was very bubbly and sweet, and very opinionated. She had grown up in Boston with her mother and two brothers. Her mother was unable to join the two of you so you went out to brunch with her and your mother. After that your mother left the two of you to go shopping for some things for your dorm.
“Are you excited to start in the fall?” Avi asked as the two of you browsed targets room decor.
You shrug and hug yourself, “I guess.”
Avi stops to look at a large beige throw pillow, “that's all? Aren’t you excited for the new experiences?” She looks up at you, “the boys?”
You play with the tag of the pillow in her hand. “I-” you hesitate and she picks up on it.
“Unless…” she smirks up at you, “you have a boyfriend?”
You pause. Could you even consider Jake a boyfriend? He never officially asked you to be his girlfriend but the two of you did way more than what other couples do in a lifetime. As if reading your mind Avi hums.
“Ahh, I see. It’s complicated?”
“I guess you could call it that.”
She tosses the pillow into the cart, “is it over?”
You continue walking down the aisle as you think back to Jake, this would be your first time ever saying what went down outloud. You were hesitant to tell your parents because of how close they were with Jake, you didn't want this affecting their perspective of him but Avi doesn’t know him, she’s unbiased. And that’s how you found yourself crying inside a target finally opening up about just how hurt you were by Jake’s actions.
Once you finish telling her your story from start to finish, Avi is embracing you. “Jake is a dick. You did not deserve that. I’m so sorry.”
Avi spends the rest of your time together comforting you. She lets you rant about Jake and gives you her two cents every now and then. You felt a little embarrassed at how much you were crying but Avi was quick to reassure you letting you know it was actually time you let it all out. The two of you exchanged numbers before parting ways again and she made you promise to keep in touch with her while you were back home in Australia until your move-in day and that's exactly what you did.
After flying back home you slowly started to rebuild. Jake isn’t a part of your life anymore and you can’t continue to wallow in your self pity. It was time to let go and move on, you would be starting your freshman year of college in four months. You don’t want to be stuck up on someone who wasn’t even thinking of you.
You took the time to learn new hobbies as you didn’t have volleyball to lean on. You took up baking for a bit before getting bored and moving on to painting. You learned how to knit and made yourself some mittens and a scarf to prepare for the cold Boston weather. You even took up photography, opening up a private instagram account to post your pictures as you traveled around Europe during June. It was a graduation gift from your father, you had stops in France, Wales, Germany and Spain. You spent a month traveling before heading back south.
You flew to New Zealand before officially going home to explore the mountains, it was a nice reset. Jake had promised to visit with you but it never happened and you weren’t putting things on hold for him anymore. You would facetime with Avi every night, brainstorming ideas for your room and your plans for welcome week. She had no intention of staying in your dorm that first week before classes started.
At first you were hesitant, going to raves and frat parties meant the inevitable. The possibility of running into Jake would be significantly higher and if you didn’t run into him there was still the fact that you would be approached by some man before the night was over. You had expressed to Avi how you couldn’t see yourself entering a relationship anytime soon. You had yet to fully heal from Jake and the thought of being that vulnerable again terrified you.
She only listened before reminding you that you didn’t have to date every guy that said hi. Some below the belt touching and harmless flirting never hurt anyone. She went on to ramble about how you’re entering your prime and have an insanely hot aussie accent that could help you secure any guy you wanted. You zoned out once she started asking you if you could moan for her so she could take pointers.
Your parents could see the shift in you and it brought them relief, they felt more at ease to send you abroad now that you were in a better mental headspace. You left two weeks before classes started to move in and get accustomed to the new environment. Your parents came to help you and Avi move in before leaving to go back home.
It’s now nighttime and you’ve just officially finished decorating.
“So, there’s this rave at slackers tonight, wanna go?”
You turn to look at Avi from your bed as she sits at her desk organizing her makeup. You snort, “as if I have a choice.” She looks up at you grinning.
“Glad you’re aware! Now get up and go shower, you’re all sweaty and doors close at 8!”
You roll your eyes but listen to her nonetheless. You stumble out of your bed and walk towards your closet to try and brainstorm what to wear. “Is there a theme?”
Avi hums, “yeah early 2000’s.”
You scan your wardrobe to see what you can find before deciding upon a baby blue butterfly top you had gotten off of amazon and a mini cargo skirt. For shoes you settle on some old Nike air forces knowing they would be demolished by the end of the night. You head over to the bathroom and begin getting ready. You try not to take too long, making sure to properly wash your body but you don’t take the time to exfoliate. Once drying off and exiting you make quick work of getting dressed and sitting beside Avi to start your makeup while she works on styling her hair. You don’t take too long for your makeup, choosing to opt for a more natural look and go for a half up/half down hairstyle with two strands out in the front.
Once you’re both ready, you grab your student ID’s and bags before heading out and start the five minute walk to the T. As you’re waiting for the train to arrive you take pictures with Avi to post and make a new story post of the sun setting. Once the green train arrives the two of you hop on and head towards the party venue.
By the time you arrive, the line is still relatively short and you’re inside in under thirty minutes. You scan your surroundings, the club lights are too bright and strobing too fast, just asking for someone to seize. The dance floor is crowded with people and there are drunks stumbling all around you.
Avi spins on her heels and smirks up at you, “what are the odds you get a stranger to buy us drinks?”
You quickly shake your head. “Zero! I’ve never done this before Avi!”
She shrugs, “so? Have you seen yourself? You look so hot, ____.” She makes it a point to slap your ass. “You have all the right assets on display, you just have to use them to your advantage.”
You gasp and rub your sore bottom, “okay one, never do that again. Two, why don’t you get a guy to buy us drinks? Put those tits to good use.”
She smirks. “I was already planning on it. But seriously, I promised to help you get over Jake and what better way to do that than getting under a new man?”
You groan. “Sleeping around isn’t going to help me get over Jake.”
“What makes you think he hasn’t done the same?” You furrow your brows at her and she scoffs. “Come on ____, he’s been in the city for a year while you were on the other side of the world. Jake is hot and I’m sure he knows it just like other girls in Connecticut probably do too, what would really have stopped him from getting his dick wet?”
You stay silent, deep down you know Avi is just being truthful and realistic. Jake had no obligations to you and no one to get in his way of whoring around if he really wanted to as much as it may hurt you.
“Okay.”
Avi’s brows shoot up in shock. “Okay? That’s really all it took?”
You nod firmly, “I’m done putting my life on pause for him. Besides, a little flirting never hurt anyone, right?”
Avi squeals and claps her hands together. “Perfect! I better see you throwing it back on some guy before the night ends!”
The two of you decide to part ways to find your prey of the night. Avi makes quick work of heading to the bar where the older men are to see if she can score some drinks while you idle around the dance floor, scoping out the faces to see who you wanted to make a move on. Before you can set your sights on someone, you feel the warmth of a body behind you though they’re not quite pressing against you yet. It doesn’t feel bad, and neither do the fingertips ghosting along the curve of your waist. You press into their touch a little more. The tentative fingers at your waist get more firm once they realize you’re open to their touch.
“Wanna dance?,” the body behind you asks, lips brushing the shell of your ear. It makes chills prick at your skin. You bite your lip to keep from smiling at the sensation. Your hand goes to cover the bigger one on your waist. You’ve missed being this close to someone.
You intentionally keep the touch constant when you turn around in their hold. Their palm slides along your body till it’s settling on your lower back just above the swell of your ass.
When you look up, your reply gets caught in your throat.
The owner of the warm body behind you is handsome, strikingly so. Tall, strong. Smile dreamy with dimples, and eyes dark. He gives you a soft grin accompanied by an encouraging nod, wanting you to say what you can’t seem to get out.
“Uh–” you sputter with a wince, before clearing your throat, “Where’s the fun in asking?”
You can’t hear his laugh over the music, but you can tell he’s amused by the way his chest rumbles, and how his eyes curl. The hand at the base of your spine moves to your hip, squeezing gently.
His other hand is moving, too, and you track it until it’s tucking some hair behind your ear. You go still and flush when he leans down to your ear again. “If you insist,” he tells you. You don’t get to respond before he’s forcefully turning you back around and pressing his body into yours. The song changes to an upbeat caribbean mix and the sexy stranger has you bent over, one hand in your hair as a makeshift ponytail and the other resting at the base of your spine as he sensually moves his hips to the beat of the song, practically humping you. You can feel yourself getting wet as his clothed dick brushes against your vagina, your miniskirt and thong barely hiding anything. You begin whining your waist to meet his thrust giving those around you a show. Soon, a circle forms around the two of you as people turn on their camera to film. When the song finally ends the two of you separate and the crowd disperses. Some guys stick around though, hoping you would part form your dance partner and give them a chance to feel you humping them but you never get the chance. The stranger leans down to your ear, “I’m Jungwon.”
You smirk and respond with your name. “I’m, ____. Clearly you’ve done this before Jungwon.”
Jungwon briefly looks surprised, eyes widening like a child before he’s laughing. “Ah,” he muses, guiding your arms to drape over his shoulders, your hands interlocking behind his neck. His hands do the same around your waist as he pulls you a little closer. “Perhaps but clearly the same goes for you.”
There’s a flutter in your tummy that you haven’t felt in months and it’s exciting. Makes you giddy as you blink up at him sultrily.
“Are you complaining?” you ask him.
He adamantly shakes his head, “Of course not, as long as you’re not in a relationship no complaints over here.”
You cock your head to the side. “I don’t do relationships.” You wait a beat before asking, “Is that what you’re looking for?”
He looks up like he’s thinking. Then he’s shrugging. Crowding your space, cheek brushing yours as he talks into your ear again, he answers, “I want what you want.”
Jungwon doesn’t move out of your space like the times he did before, instead pulling you into him a bit more, making your space his space too. Lips brush against the corner of your jaw, just below your ear. Teasing, yet sure.
“I want to forget–” Your hand twines into the hair at the nape of his neck when he nips softly at your earlobe, making you gasp quietly, interrupting yourself. “–about someone.”
He lets out a smug sound of understanding. “That sounds doable,” you hear him say, before he purrs confidently, “Let me help you.”
Just as the two of you lean in for a kiss you’re interrupted by the calling of your name.
“____!” You pull away to find Avi stumbling towards you. When she’s close enough, she grips onto your shoulders to try and keep herself up. “H-help.”
You look at her in worry and try to balance her but she’s quickly becoming more and more unstable, her words slurring and her body becoming limp. You begin to panic, “Avi? Avi! You’re scaring me, what's wrong!?”
Jungwon steps in to help you hold her up. “Shit, I think she was laced.”
Your eyes dart to his in worry, sensing your panic Jungwon tries to calm you down. “There’s a hospital nearby. I’ll call an uber and we can head over.”
You nod, trying to steady yourself for Avi’s sake. The two of you make quick work of ushering her out of the building and outside to help her get some fresh air while Jungwon orders the uber. It’s there in seven minutes and the three of you rush to the nearest children's hospital.
Once you arrive, Jungwon hands over Avi to the medical staff while you try and give them the information they need to admit her. She’s rushed into the emergency bay while you and Jungwon are told to sit in the waiting area while they pump her stomach.
“It’s going to be okay. We got her here in time, I’m sure the doctors have everything under control.” Jungwon says as he takes a seat beside you. It’s clear you’re distraught and don’t know what to do but it’s also clear that what you need right now is not only reassurance but a friend. Your shoulders slump instantly and you nod despondently. Cautiously Jungwon entwines your hands together, lacing your fingers with his.
He shifts, leaning his body into you allowing you to cuddle into him for some warmth, your lack of proper clothing clearly not helping. You bite your lip to keep in the tears before resting your head against his shoulder. You close your eyes, basking in his comforting presence, letting both his words and presence wash over you and ease your worries.
The both of you sit in silence for long, drawn-out moments before you finally speak up. “I’m sorry, this probably isn’t how you wanted to spend your night.” You pull away and wrap your arms around yourself, “you can go if you’d like.”
Sensing your guilt and apprehension, Jungwon shakes his head softly and removes his bomber jacket to hand to you. You stare at it for a second before taking it and putting it on. “It definitely isn’t how I saw my night going but you clearly need a friend, it wouldn’t be right to leave you alone.”
You twiddle your fingers, “why are you being so nice to me?”
He purses his lips in thought, showcasing his dimples. “Like I said before, it’s clear you need a friend. You’re obviously going through something with a guy you probably really like and your friend is in the hospital after getting laced. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”
You blink at him, embarrassed that he read you so easily. “I-” You cut yourself off and look away, feeling the tears start to well up. “I feel so lost and alone.”
Jungwon slowly reaches for you and brings you in for a hug, letting you cry into his chest. “I moved to this stupid city all by myself and now I miss my parents, I miss my home and worst of all I miss him. Avi is the only friend I have and I can’t help but feel like her being in this position is all my fault! She only wanted to go out to help me move on a-and we made this stupid bet about getting guys to buy us drinks and now she’s getting her stomach pumped!” You angrily rant to Jungwon, overwhelmed by the events that have transpired within the last twenty-four hours.
He listens, gently rubbing your back as you let it all out. “It’s normal to miss your life back at home, going to college is hard enough, let alone having to move to a different continent. I understand the guilt you’re feeling but I doubt Avi is mad at you for what happened, you weren’t the one who drugged her.”
You sniffle and wipe at your nose with the sleeve of his jacket, “I guess so.” You pull away from his wet chest to wipe away the remainder of your tears. “I’m scared.” You softly admit.
“Of what?”
“Being alone again.” You whisper, you can’t help but wonder if Jungwon will stay after this, if Avi will be okay enough to stay for the semester. You pray you don’t lose either of them.
“Good thing I don’t plan on leaving.” Jungwon offers with a soft smile, you look up at him gratefully and wrap him in a hug.
“Thank you.”
The two of you spend the rest of the night in the ER, the doctors eventually come to fetch the two of you to join Avi, letting you know that she’ll be just fine and able to return home the following day. Jungwon stays true to his word and doesn’t leave your side until it’s time for Avi to get discharged. The three of you clamber into the back of the Uber Jungwon ordered and drive to your dorms. While sitting at Avi’s bedside the three of you began conversing about anything and everything. You found out that Jungwon was also a freshman at Northeastern majoring in Biochem. On top of that, he was living in the same dorm as you-his room only two doors down.
Once you arrive, you bid farewell to Jungwon with the promise of grabbing breakfast with him and his roommate Beomgyu the following morning before heading into your own room.
“He’s cute.” Avi says as she gently takes a seat on the couch.
“Jungwon?”
She hums, “sweet kid.”
You nod absentmindedly as you gather your bathroom supplies. “I guess so.”
Friday November 15th - present day
Three months have passed since the beginning of the semester and it’s safe to say that you’re beginning to feel at home in the city. Jungwon stayed true to his word and didn’t leave you. In fact, there was never a moment where you were alone. If you weren’t at Snell studying with Jungwon, you were at your dorm watching shows with Avi or at the dining hall grabbing lunch with Beomgyu.
The four of you have truly become inseparable these past few months and you’re so grateful for the support they provide. It’s nice to finally have other people to rely on rather than having to rawdog life alone. When the four of you aren’t absolutely swamped with homework you grab dinner together at one of the dining halls before going back to your place for a movie night. Tonight happens to be one of those nights.
“Wollastans hands down has the best snack options,” Beomgyu says as he empties the grocery bag onto your living room floor. Avi hums and takes a seat beside him on the floor in front of the TV.
“That they do.” She reaches for the pack of gummy bears and offers some to Jungwon who’s laid on your couch arms wide open as he smiles up at you waiting for you to take your rightful seat in between his legs. He takes a handful of gummies and thanks Avi before patting his chest.
“Hurry up princess, I'm getting cold.”
You scoff and roll your eyes before kicking off your shoes and making your way across the threshold to plop down in between his arms.
“What are we watching tonight?” You ask. Jungwon taps your cheek silently asking you to open up, you do and he plops a cherry bear into your mouth.
“Interview with the vampires.” Beomgyu replies as he ques up the show. Once it’s ready to go Avi hands you a blanket to cover yourself with before she cuddles up to Beomgyu, the two of them whispering to each other lost in their own world. You smile softly at them, you and Jungwon have a running bet of how long it was going to take before the two crack and just get together. They’re adamant that they’re just friends but it’s clear as day feelings are there.
You feel Jungwon wrap his arm securely around your waist before he places a soft kiss atop your head.
As touchy and flirty as the two of you are, you’re just friends. Once Jungwon made it clear he was here to stay you found the confidence to open up to him about Jake. You told him about the ghosting, the sex, how much he meant to you and how you don’t think you’ll ever love someone the way you love him or even be ready for a relationship anytime soon. Jungwon understood and made his intentions clear, he just wanted to make you happy. If that meant putting his feelings on the backburner and doing things your way so be it.
It wasn’t a fair deal at all, Jungwon devoted almost all of his time to you, he would walk you home from your late lectures, wake up at five am to run to Tatte to buy you breakfast before your eight ams, turn down girls who approached him in hopes that when you were ready you’d come running to him.
He did it all without complaint, he loves you fully and without restraint. He’s loved you from the start, he loves you the way you wish Jake had.
You can’t help but think about where Jake would fit in your life now. You’ve changed and made sure your new life left no room for him, you tailored your life to make sure Jake could never waltz back in and destroy all the progress you’ve made. You don’t think he’ll fit in with your group of friends anyhow. As this year has come and passed, you replaced Jake with Jungwon. It’s hard to picture Jake falling back into the role of being your only friend in your life.
You have Avi, Beomgyu and Jungwon. They look out for you and make sure to take care of you. It’s a reciprocal friendship, they’re pouring into you just as much as you pour into them if not more.
You snap out of your thoughts when Jungwon softly pinches your side. “You zoned out, are you okay?”
You nod your head and play with his fingers under the blanket. “Just thinking about how lucky I am to have you in my life.”
You feel him take in a sharp breath before pulling you into him even more. “I’m the lucky one.”
___
As the movie night comes to a close, you sit up from Jungwon’s hold to stretch, your friends following your actions. You reach for your phone to check the time to see if you can squeeze in one more movie.
“It’s only nine, we can start another show or watch a movie.” You offer
Jungwon wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you in closer to his side, “I don’t have anything to do tomorrow, I’m down.”
Avi stands up and clears her throat. “Actually can we go out?”
Beomgyu looks up at her questioningly, “wanna ride the blue bikes around campus?”
She shakes her head, “a Harvard frat is hosting to-”
“Absolutely not.” You cut her off. You haven’t been to another college party since the one at slackers, the sight of Avi getting drugged permanently put you off from the party scene.
She huffs, “why not!?”
You give her an incredulous look. “Are you being serious? You were drugged the last time we went to one, I don’t want to see you in the ER again!”
The boys can sense the growing tension, Beomgyu stands and tries to calm Avi and Jungwon soothingly rubs your arms.
“It was one time! I won’t drink this time!”
“I still don’t feel comfortable.”
She throws her hands up and turns to pout at Beomgyu knowing it’s a weakness of his.
“Yah! this is between the two of you, stop pouting at me.” He says in response before turning on his heel to head to your kitchen to raid it for some more food. You huff and turn to Jungwon to have him plead your case but he only shakes his head, he knows better than to get in between the two of you.
“Uh-uh, No. You two figure this out.”
He stands from his seat beside you to go join Beomgyu in the kitchen.
Avi takes Jungwon’s seat and grabs your hands. “I promise I won’t drink! I know better now and the guys will be there! You know they won’t let anything happen to either of us! Come on, _____ please!”
You sigh and shift your attention to the boys goofing off in your kitchen, Avi is right. The boys wouldn’t let the two of you out of their sight, especially Jungwon as he was there for the last party the three of you had attended.
“Fine.”
The living room of the frat is completely packed, people are scattered around the home, either dancing in a large group in the middle of the living room, relaxing in the kitchen with drinks in hand or smoking blunts upstairs. Something that definitely doesn’t go unnoticed by you is the hordes of couples pressed up against each other and the walls, making out and grinding against each other for the entirety of the house to see without a single care in the world.
You turn to face your friends, “an hour tops then we’re out of here!”
Avi playfully rolls her eyes, “aye aye captain.”
She grabs Beomgyu’s hand and they walk into the midst of the party leaving you with Jungwon. “Want to grab a drink with me?”
You pull your attention away from a guy who’s completely wasted and forcing another to a dance off to Jungwon who’s standing next to you. You shrug, “sure.”
You both exit from the hallway where your little group had clustered and enter the kitchen to grab a drink. Jungwon hands you a water bottle but you nudge away his hand and reach for a red solo cup to pour yourself a shot of tequila. You knock it back and move down the counter to pour yourself some of the punch.
Jungwon watches you in worry as you pucker your lips at the taste of the punch, “I thought no drinking tonight.”
“No drinking for Avi. Plus it’s for the nerves.”
He nods at you and takes a sip of his water. “What has you on edge?”
You look around the kitchen sadly before confessing what’s weighing on your heart. “It feels so odd being here, it was my dream for so long and now it’s just some other school down the block.”
Jungwon hums before scanning the area himself. “Do you regret choosing Northeastern?”
You sigh, “I..” you trail off to really think through your answer. Northeastern has become more than a safety net. You have a family here because of the school, people who love and care about you without restraint and would be crushed if you up and left them. You also can’t help but feel as though there’s a double meaning to Jungwon’s question. “I don’t think so, more so mourning what could have been here.”
Jungwon nods, “are you still thinking about transferring?”
You shake your head. “No, I think it’s time to close the chapter on this time period in my life.”
Jungwon stills beside you, to him, Harvard = Jake and the life you lived with him back at home in Australia, does this mean this is finally the end of you and that dirtbag?
You smile and place your arms around Jungwon’s neck. “I think it's time to start focusing on what I have here at Northeastern…with you.”
Jungwon swears he feels his heart stop at your words, are you finally going to give him a chance? His eyes suddenly gleam with mischief as he rests his hands on your waist and squeezes you a little tighter and yanks you towards him, bodies just centimeters apart as you crash into his chest, all up in each other’s personal space.
Your eyes widen in complete surprise.
“Are you saying what I think you are?” He teases with a stupidly lowered tone, a smug grin decorating his face.
You ignore the electricity shooting through you, rolling your eyes and playfully sneer at him. “Don’t be smug, I can still change my mind, you know.” You force space between you two and try removing his hands from your waist but his grip transforms into an iron lock.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Try me.”
He pulls you in close and leans in to whisper, “yeah? Then who's gonna do this?” He doesn’t wait for you to question him, leaning in right away to place his lips on yours and cage you between him and the kitchen counter. Your eyes blow out, taken by surprise until you find yourself quickly melting into the kiss, hands gripping his shoulders tighter. Jungwon can’t help himself from opening up his mouth to catch more of yours, lips sensually kissing yours in a slow, unhurried pace.
You instantly love the way he kisses, completely taken by his pillowy, delicate lips.
Jungwon doesn’t care if your lipstick smudges onto him or how brash the public display of affection seems; all he cares about is the soft feeling of your lips against his own for the first time and the fact that you’re willing to be his.
He knows it’s going to stay on his mind for weeks.
You’re beginning to get lost until he disconnected your mouths, only looking at each other with overwhelming feelings and shimmering eyes that depict how nervous you are for this new step.
“Wanna dance with me?” You shyly ask.
Jungwon smirks, his mind recalling the first time he ever met you at that slackers party. “Where’s the fun in asking?” He mocks, you roll your eyes at the familiarity of his words before dragging him out of the kitchen and into the living room to dance away your inhibitions.
The two of you make your way to the center of the room knowing once you start dancing, all eyes will be on you. Jungwon squeezes your hips one last time before turning you around and helping you slowly grind down on him to the beat of the song, once you have a steady rhythm going on he begins to buck his hips to meet your pace.
Just like that night at slackers, you’re bent over whining your waist against Jungwon and catching the attention of those around you. Jungwon sneaks one arm around your front and gently squeezes at your right boob under your crop top, getting turned on by how your butt applies the right amount of pressure to his cock every time you bounce off of it and the lustful gaze of those watching. He could cum in his pants. You have to bite your bottom lip to keep from moaning.
As the song comes to a close Jungwon releases you and places a kiss against the base of your neck, “I’m going to grab us drinks, stay right here baby.”
You nod and let him remove himself from you completely to go get the two of you drinks, you turn around to see if you could potentially find Beomgyu or Avi and spend some time with them until he returns but before you even get the chance to fully scope out the area you feel someone grab onto your wrist and spin you around.
You’re about to tell the stranger off but your words get caught in your throat when you turn around to find a tall blonde man dressed in all black staring you down. You exhale sharply at the way he seemingly undresses you with his eyes.
“You sure know how to put on a show, princess.”
You feel your face heat up a bit at the use of pet name and being called out on the way you were just dry humping Jungwon. Not knowing what to say you wait for him to continue. Picking up on that, the stranger continues, “I’m Jay, what’s your name darling?”
“____” you breathlessly let out.
He hums and pulls you in closer, “sexy name for a sexy girl, who’s that guy? Your boyfriend?”
His hands travel down to grab at your ass over your leggings and you have a feeling that even if you were taken, Jay wouldn’t care.
You bite down a moan at the way he caresses your ass, taking turns between rolling the flesh and pinching it every now and then. He lands a sharp slap to your bottom when you don’t answer, his patience running thin. “Answer me princess.”
You shake your head, “n-no I’m si-”
Before you can finish your statement Jay gets ripped away from you by another male who huffs out in playful annoyance. “C’mon mate, it’s my birthday and you’re ditching me for some action?”
This time, your blood truly runs cold. Standing in front of you in all his glory for the first time in a year and three months is Sim Jaeyun. His eyes sweep over to you and the smile that was just gracing his face begins to slowly fall. Your eyes greedily take him in. You notice he’s dyed his hair back to black and grown it out a bit, parting it in the middle like you used to do for him during your walk to school. His shoulders also seem a bit wider, did he start working out? You even note his style has changed, gone are the tight skinny jeans and random hoodies. He’s dressed in wide legend pants paired with a simple white tee tucked in and Jordans on his feet.
“____.” He breathlessly lets out.
Hearing him call out to you breaks your heart, after all this time you thought you would be angry at him for what he did. Swearing to Avi that if you ever ran into him you were going to rip him a new one, maybe even slap him for having the audacity to hurt you the way he did. But now that you’ve been graced with the opportunity all you feel is a deep sadness, all your anger gone in that instant.
You see Jay’s eyes bug out of his head as he looks between the two of you. “She’s ____?”
Your eyes flicker over to Jay as you make the assumption Jake must have told him all about the two of you. Jake reaches a hand out to grab yours but you instantly jerk away from his touch. He doesn’t deserve it, your mind screams at you.
“Don’t.” You grit out, fighting back the tears.
Jake’s face falls even more at the malice in the simple word, heart breaking at how you avoid his touch but respects it nonetheless.
“Please, let me just ex-”
You don’t let him finish before you’re spinning on your heel and bolting out of the party. You knock into a few partygoers, the alcohol finally taking its effect. You hear muffled shouts of your name as you push past people to make it outside to the lawn. In your daze you don’t see your friends running after you.
You stumble out of the party and onto the lawn. The front of the frat house is nearly empty, save for you and a couple that’s making out on the grass. You stagger towards a bush when the overwhelming feeling of vomiting consumes you. Your stomach contracts violently and all the liquor you had consumed comes back up splattering the bushes.
“____!” You hear Jungwon call out your name before he’s kneeling beside you and holding your hair back.
You heave again and once more the contents of your stomach spray the ground. You sink to your knees and retch until only clear liquid is coming up. Your throat feels sore from the stomach acid that is layering it and your mouth tastes of vomit.
Avi kneels beside you and rubs your back soothingly as Beomgyu stands protectively in front of you, shielding you from Jake’s view as he tries to grab your attention, constantly calling your name.
“It’s alright,” you hear Jungwon whisper as you feel your stomach begin to settle. He slowly ties your hair up for you using a hair tie Avi offers and once he’s sure Avi has a steady grip on you, he’s standing to square up to Jake.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Jungwon asks. Beomgyu’s eyes widen the tiniest fraction at his roommate's question, knowing damn well he can’t fight and Jungown might be alone in this one.
Jake scoffs and steps up to Jungwon, his own annoyance at its peak. “I’m her best friend who the fuck do you think you are?”
Your friends all still at the realization of who exactly the stranger is. Avi is the first to react, scoffing at his audacity from beside you as she looks up at him.
“You know you got a lot of fucking nerve to even call yourself that. You’re the one who ghosted her, you’re the one who left. You don’t get to claim that title anymore.”
Jake falters at the harsh glare he’s receiving from your friends but he’s determined to speak to you.
“You don’t know shit.” Jay spits out from behind Jake knowing the true story as to why Jake did what he did. Albeit shitty, his friend had his reasons and he wasn’t going to let anyone shame him for the decisions he made as a kid fresh out of high school.
Beomgyu swears he sees red. “Watch it.” He says as he shoves at Jay’s chest. Jay, having none of it though, pushes back causing Jungwon and Jake to have to step in and separate their friends before things escalate.
Jake pulls his friend away and harshly whispers in his ear before Jay scoffs and walks away back into the party. Jake clears his throat and turns back to you and your friends who are all still glaring and making a protective front around you.
“Please, ____. I Just need one chance to explain myself.”
Jungwon opens his mouth to respond for you but you're quicker than him.
“No.” Your voice is firm, “you don’t get to hurt me the way you did and expect me to give you the courtesy of explaining why you chose to break my heart.”
From your seated position you can see the tears swimming in his eyes and it almost makes you crack. Almost. But you need to choose you for once. You need to stop throwing caution to the wind when it comes to Sim Jaeyun, he never once did that for you.
“You’re a year too late.”
Still determined and not deterred by your stance, Jake takes a cautious step forward, stopping when Jungwon deems he’s gotten too close and steps up as well to place a hand on Jake’s chest.
“I’m sorry, ____. I know I fucked everything up and-and that I don’t deserve another chance but please-” He chokes back a sob, “please just let me explain!”
Avi rolls her eyes and helps you stand. “What good will that do? You’re right, you don’t deserve shit from her. Explaining why you’re a shitty person isn’t going to change anything.”
Although harsh, Avi is right. Hearing him out won’t change the fact that he no longer has a spot in your life, it won’t change the damage he’s caused, it won’t do anything.
“Let’s go guys.” You weekly let out, completely drained and craving the warmth of your bed.
“____!”
You ignore Jake’s call of your name and leave with your friends surrounding you, making it impossible for him to see you anymore. Your heart seizes in your chest at the desperation in his voice as he calls out to you but you keep walking, you leave him behind like he did to you all those months ago.
[November 15th, 12:35 AM]
[jake]: can we please talk?
[jake]: i’m sorry
[jake]: please
[jake]: _____?
[November 16th, 2:48 PM]
[jake]: i know you don’t want to talk to me but please let me explain ____
[jake]: i’ll leave you alone after, i swear
[November 17th, 6:15 PM]
[jake]: i’ll be at caffe nero near newbury tomorrow at 2 until they close
[jake]: please come and let me explain, i’ll leave you alone regardless of what you decide.
Jake stares down at his phone as he hits send, over the past two days he’s been sending you text messages praying you’ll respond but each one has been left on delivered. He doesn’t know if you’ve read them or even blocked him.
He tosses his phone aside and drops down on his hard dorm bed staring up at his ceiling wondering why he let things get so bad. He thought he was making the right decision for the both of you, thought he was doing right by you by leaving you alone.
Falling in love takes courage he doesn't possess at the time. You never stood a chance and it's little wonder why you felt so cheated.
Leading up to his departure from Australia everything was perfect, it was a dream. He had the girl of his dreams, a scholarship to the school of his dreams and for once- a supportive family backing every decision he made. It was new, it was different. It was scary. Jake grew up having to fight for his parents attention and had to work for their love, it was conditional, he had to be perfect. Being given it so freely and easily by you came as a shock.
He knew just how much you loved him, how much you had sacrificed over the years for him, he doesn’t deserve it now and he sure as hell didn’t think he deserved it back then. How could he love you if he barely understood how it worked? He had such a twisted view on love. At the time he thought it came with conditions, that he couldn’t love or be loved without conditions. That it was only a matter of time before the hammer dropped on your changing relationship and you began expecting more from him as a boyfriend, more that he couldn’t give.
Reading the letter was what really did it for him.
Of course he didn’t listen to you when you told him to read it once he was on the plane. He waited until you fell asleep and reached into the drawer to retrieve the letter and began reading it. Jake read it over and over again until he had it memorized, so much so that he still has it memorized to this day. He left you with the original but wrote it down on a napkin on the plane when he realized how big of a mistake it was to leave it. He sits up to walk over to his desk and retrieve his written version of the letter and begins to read it once again.
Dear Jake, my sweet angel boy,
I should have told you this right after prom: that there's this special love that I have deep within my heart. That love is only for you. It is far greater than this world. I wish I could show you how much you really mean to me. If I could only let you feel how much I really do love you in a kiss or a hug, you would begin to feel the love that I have for you.
If I could describe the love that I have for you and use lyrics of love songs or even the sonnets of Shakespeare, it would still be impossible, because the love that I love for you cannot be put into words. You've had my love from the day we met, and you will have it forever. As time goes by, my heart and love for you will keep growing stronger, brighter, and bigger.
Call me your love from this day forward. Although we have two different minds, and souls, we have one and the same beautiful heart. My love for you is unconditional. Please don’t forget that.
I love you with all my heart, body, and soul. I will never stop loving you. You are my life, my world, and everything to me. Distance may keep us apart for a short while but you will always and forever be embedded deep within my heart.
My beautiful love, you are my world and you have been since the first time I saw you. I felt love the first time I looked at you all those years ago in your backyard, and my world became a beautiful place to live in. I often ask myself, what in the world would I do without you now? I hope to never find out the answer to that question.
I’m writing you this letter to tell you how much you mean to me, and to thank you for coming into my life. You are something I never thought could exist for me. You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life, and I don't regret telling you how I feel.
I love you Sim Jaeyun, today, tomorrow, forever.
Tears swim in Jake’s eyes as he places the letter back in the depths of his desk. He wishes so badly that he didn’t run, that he stayed and talked through his fears with you but he was too much of a coward and knew deep down that you deserved better. He never deserved you to begin with and he was a fool for ever thinking a broken boy like him could ever love someone as amazing as you.
After leaving, Jake found it hard to settle into his new routine. He missed your presence every single day, finding it harder and harder to ignore your text messages asking how he was, if he had eaten, if he liked the campus.
By the time Jake had realized how big of a mistake he made and just how much of an ass he looked like, he couldn’t take it back. The damage had quite literally been done and it seemed you were moving on. The text messages stopped coming in, he was removed from your close friends and his mother no longer had any updates for him when he would ask. Apparently, you had stopped going over and it was rare to catch glimpses of you as the school year progressed.
When he had heard from his brother that you were no longer on the volleyball team he wanted to reach out and ask what happened. You loved the sport too much to just quit, especially during your senior year but Jake had a feeling he was the last person you wanted to hear from.
His first semester at Yale was nothing like he expected it to be, everything was dull and lifeless. Every day was the same routine: wake up, shower and brush his teeth, get dressed and head to lectures before studying at the library until midnight because his roommate had a girl over.
He felt like he was slowly losing his sanity. As the end of his first semester came to a close and winter break was fastly approaching Jake decided he had had enough. Yale meant nothing if you weren’t in his life. He knew at that point you had probably sent in your college applications and were practically a shoe-in for Harvard so he did what he thought would bring him peace.
He sent in his transfer application before the end of the semester to be able to start in the spring and got his acceptance right before winter break. He didn’t tell his parents about the sudden decision, knowing they wouldn’t be happy with him but he was done living in his fear. It was what caused him to lose you and he would be damned if he let it happen again.
He eventually told them once everything was set and as expected he received an earful about his decision from his father before he realized how deadset his son was on this before backing down.
Once the spring semester started Jake could slowly feel his world start to mend. Everything seemed brighter at Harvard; the physics program was easier, the people were kinder, he had friends and his new roommate wasn’t an ass.
Jay and Jake clicked the second Jake rolled his suitcases into the new room. Jay took him under his wing and treated him like a little brother. It felt nice to have someone to rely on, sure Jay wasn’t you but he slowly became someone who meant the world to him and he looked up to. Eventually Jay introduced Jake to his friends Heeseung and Sunghoon and the four became an inseparable group. The four of them truly did everything together: they took all their gen ed classes together, they attended each other's sporting events and they would often go to frats together with Jake staying sober to take care of his friends.
The guys never pushed Jake to explore the women that approached him at parties knowing his heart belonged to you. They had heard him go on and on about you on several occasions and knew he only transferred to be close to you. They admired his determination to right his wrongdoings but were truthfully skeptical if it would work. They encouraged him to just text you, arguing the more time he let pass the harder it would be to win you back but Jake argued back that this was something that couldn’t be fixed over text.
The semester flew by and Jake was increasingly getting excited. Once he had submitted his last final exam he was on the first flight back home to Australia in June. He couldn’t wait for you to start school in the fall to talk to you and he was long overdue for a trip back home, two birds with one stone. However, when he made it back home to Brisbane his dreams were once again crushed. His mother informed him about your solo trip to Europe and how your parents had sent you away under the guise of it being a graduation gift but really it was out of fear of your declining mental health.
Jake was lost, he had heard nothing about your mental state as his mother insisted she knew nothing about your life anymore when he would inquire about you over the phone. It came as a shock when his mom sat him down to tell him about you being kicked off the volleyball team rather than you just leaving like he assumed, how you no longer attended study groups and even skip school now. What came as the biggest shock was hearing you didn’t get into Harvard. Jake felt absolutely disgusted with himself.
He had caused this, he was the reason behind your suffering and yet he had the audacity to show up here thinking you would welcome him back. He was right, he really doesn’t deserve you. Look at all the pain he’s caused you and what you’ve lost in the process.
He didn’t stick around much longer after that, He flew back to the states a week before you came back from New Zealand and became hell bent on leaving you alone. He owed you that much, some peace after bringing nothing but chaos into your life.
The rest of his summer was a haze, he spent it getting high or drunk with Heeseung and Jay. He didn’t tell his friends about what he had heard from back home, the guilt eating at him but he made it clear that there would be no Jake and ____. The two of you were officially done.
Heesung and Jay were obviously worried about their friend, they knew of the love the male held for you and to see him so torn up over it that he was drinking all his inhibitions away or smoking until he was numb was alarming but they didn’t stop him.
They did however intervene towards the end of the summer when Sunghoon came back from Korea and Jake insisted the group went to an end of summer kickback. They had never seen Jake so out of it, he got so crossfaded that he passed out at the party and was unresponsive for twenty minutes.
Emergency services had to be called and the party got shut down. It was safe to say his friends were done with his shit and sat him down and forced him to talk about his emotions because they would be damned if they watched him continue down this path and eventually die from it.
That night was an eye opener for Jake and he swore he would get better, promised he would stop holding things in and be more upfront about how he was feeling. Seeing Jay cry over the possibility of his death was what really put things into perspective for him, the thought of you also possibly being torn over him dying got him to take his sobriety seriously.
His friends held him accountable as the new school year began, they cut back on frat parties, made the effort to not drink as much around him and even began being more open with each other due to Jay’s claims of “vulnerability breeds vulnerability.”
It was safe to say that Jake was finally beginning to heal. He knew sooner or later he would have to face the consequences of his actions and he was fully prepared to do so, just not so soon. It was Sunghoon’s idea to go to the frat at Kappa Alpha Theta for his birthday. Jake was fully prepared to say no and spend the day alone. This would be his second birthday spent away from you and he wanted the privacy to read through old birthday paragraphs you’ve sent him over the years and stare at the polaroids he took of you during your getaway to Sydney.
Jay and Heesung were having none of it though and insisted he needed to actually celebrate his birthday like Sunghoon said. Jake eventually caved when the three of them offered to stay sober with him. Seeing you at that party was devastating but seeing you in another man's arms was infuriating. Jake knew he had no right to be upset with you but it irked him that he was no longer the only male in your life. Jay had told him about the dance that took place before everything went to shit and Jake couldn’t help but wonder if you had fully moved on from him. Heeseung had to remind him that if you had, Jake couldn’t be upset with you, he had practically pushed you into Jungwon’s arms the second he decided to leave you behind in Australia.
“How long do you plan on staring at your phone?” Heeseung asks as he enters the younger male's room with Jay and Sunghoon trailing behind him.
Jake sighs and tosses the device to the side, “she still hasn’t responded.”
Sunghoon takes a seat beside Jake on the bed, “give her some space dude I’m sure seeing you at the party was the last thing she expected.”
Jay hums, “you did what you can. Give her space to decide what she wants.”
Jake heeds the advice of his friends. He’s inconvenienced you enough, leaving you alone to decide if you want to meet him is what you need now. He can only hope you do decide to hear him out.
“I don’t think you should go.”
You look up at Avi who’s standing above you on the couch staring down at your phone screen, contempt written all over her face. You gently sigh and lock your phone, letting it fall on the couch with a soft thud.
“I know.”
Ever since the party Jake has constantly been texting you. Avi was beyond annoyed with the male and his inability to- “leave you the fuck alone.” You would read them as they come in, unable to bring yourself to delete the messages like Beomgyu advised when you told him about them.
“Just block his number, ____.” Avi huffs, crossing her arms as she stares down at you. You look away and draw figure eights into the couch cushions as you think.
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
It’s silent for a beat, you think for a few seconds before shrugging. “I don’t know.”
Avi sighs and uncrosses her arms. “You’re being selfish.”
You stop drawing imaginary shapes on the couch and fix your eyes on Avi, waiting for her to continue.
“What about Jungwon? Have you stopped to consider what this would do to him if you let Jake just waltz his way back into your life?”
You purse your lips, you haven’t talked to the younger male since the party. He’s been reaching out as well, trying to gauge how you’re feeling with the sudden appearance of Jake but you’ve yet to open them let alone respond.
“I don’t k-”
Avi groans in annoyance, cutting you off. “-I swear if you say I don’t know one more time, ____! Can’t you see how bad Jake is for you? One appearance and a few text messages and look at you! You’re not talking to us anymore, you haven’t left your bed in almost two days! Jake is toxic, this isn’t healthy!”
For some reason you want to defend his name, want to call Avi out on being a bitch but you don’t. You know she’s being logical and Jake doesn’t deserve it so you keep quiet. When she realizes her approach may have been a bit too harsh she softens a bit and takes a seat beside you.
“I’m sorry, I just-.” She cuts herself off with a deep inhale. “Jake will never love you the way Jungwon has. It’s harsh but true. Maybe Jake did have his reasons but that doesn’t change the fact that his approach was wrong. He didn’t stop to consider how hurt you would be and that’s not okay. Do you really want to be with someone who can hurt you so easily?”
She gently pats your back before continuing knowing you won’t answer. “Jake is selfish, he’s only ever cared about himself and Jungwon has only cared about you. Don’t miss out on what could be a great love with Jungwon because you’re infatuated with the idea of being with Jake.”
With that, she gets up and leaves you to stew in your thoughts. She’s right, Jungwon was the one to stay and pick up the pieces. He was the one to show you that love didn’t have to be painful, he’s patient, kind and above all absolutely madly in love with you. He healed you from the pain Jake caused so why are you self sabotaging? Who’s to say Jake won’t hurt you again? That he even has a valid reason for stringing you along?
Your phone buzzes on the couch pulling you out of your reverie. You sigh, expecting to find another text from Jake as you pick it up to look at it only to find it’s not from him but rather the other male you’ve been ignoring.
[November 17th, 7:37 PM]
[jungwon]: do you want to grab lunch with me at tatte tmr at 2?
You want to scream at how fate is playing out, now you really have to choose.
[November 18th, 2:17 PM]
You march up the sidewalk to the sound of the steady patter of rain against the pavement that leads to the little cafe that’s tucked between the huge city buildings and hidden away from view with vines crawling up its side. You come to a stop in front of the door and take a deep breath to calm yourself before entering.
A part of you is scared you’ve made the wrong decision, you want to turn around and run to him but you know you need to see this through. People love to think about the what if’s: what if I chose the wrong major? What if we weren’t meant to ever meet? What if things had just gone the way I had so desperately wanted them to?
For you, it's what could have been that plagues your mind. To you, they’re far worse than what if’s because they were within your reach, the possibility of it coming to fruition so near but never close enough.
Jake has been your biggest what could have been, your almost. You try and reason that it’s okay that you picked him in the end, you need to know why. Why your love wasn’t enough, why the two of you aren’t together, why he was so quick to give up on the two of you.
You head inside and note the cafe isn’t big, it’s small and cozy. You spot Jake easily, he’s sitting near the back by a window facing you. He offers you a hesitant smile and wave of his hand. You exhale and slowly walk towards his booth and slide into the seat across from him. He meekly slides a drink across the table.
“I know you always liked lattes so I ordered one for you, I hope you don’t mind.”
You look down at the drink he had slid over to your side. It sits prettily in a white china cup, a leaf pattern in delicate milky foam among the pale brown. You wrap your fingers around it, enjoying the heat that spreads through your hands, grateful for the little warmth it provides. You take a hesitant sip, it’s bitter, but you recall telling Jake that only babies ask for hot chocolate.
Truth is, you had stopped drinking lattes once your friendship with him ended, the drink brought back too many unwanted memories. Memories of walking to the nearest cafe in Brisbane during finals season to get your coffee fix to stay up and finish studying were too apparent and hurt too much.
You take a bigger sip and this time let the warm liquid sit on your tongue for longer. You can't smell the bitterness of coffee beans in the warm air of the cafe and you feel safe and calm for just a moment. You allow yourself to get enveloped in the smell of baking bread and let your worries slip away for just a split second.
You place the cup back onto the table and slowly come back to reality. “Thank you.”
Jake shoots a shy smile your way and shrugs, “anything for you.”
You clear your throat and sit straighter, back on alert. You fiddle with the handle of your teacup not knowing what to say. Was this a mistake after all?
Jake, sensing your hesitance, decides to speak up first. “I’m sorry.”
“Why’d you do it?”
Jake studies your face for a good minute. He notes all the subtle changes about you, he picks up on your new hairstyle and the change in your clothes. He also picks up on the awkwardness that hangs in the air, things have never been this tense between the two of you and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.
“I was scared that I wouldn’t be enough.” Jake looks away for a brief moment to collect his emotions and make his apology sound as sincere as it can be. “Ever since we were nine you’ve loved me and I was scared that I would mess things up, that once we made things official you would expect more from me, more that I didn’t know how to give and that ultimately I would be the cause of your unhappiness and all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, ____.”
“I had enough love for the both of us,” you softly confess, your heart breaking at the revelation of how he truly felt at the time. “Why didn’t you just say that? Why didn’t you let me love you?”
Jake gulps, tears stinging his eyes. “Because it didn’t seem like a fair trade. You don’t deserve someone broken. I thought love came with conditions and I didn’t want to drain you.”
You frown, growing annoyed with how he declares how you feel. It irks you how his brain works, how he assumed how you would react, how you would feel rather than giving you the opportunity to brave through the motions together.
“You don’t get to just make decisions on my half.”
Jake stiffly nods. “I know, I’m sorry.”
Your hands ball up into fists, anger beginning to consume your body. “I’m sorry isn’t enough! I was in love with you Jake! I was willing to go to the ends of the earth just to see you smile! Why didn’t you just talk to me? I would have loved you enough until you could love yourself! We could have made it work!”
Jake shakes his head, “no we couldn’t have.”
You glare at him, “why the fuck not!?”
This time Jake stays silent. Your eyes challenge him though, begging him to continue. To give you one good reason as to why he walked away but he gives you nothing, once again making you look like a fool for throwing caution to the wind and picking him.
Angry tears pool in your eyes as you forcefully stand from your seat and stare down at Jake. He looks up at you in surprise and shame. “Don’t you fucking get it? Even after all this time, I’m still in love with you!” You scoff as you see his eyes widening at your confession. “And yet you still can’t be honest with me, I feel so stupid. You make me stupid Sim Jaeyun.”
You don’t wait for him to respond before you’re bolting out of the coffee shop and out into the rain. It’s coming down harder now than it was when you left. You let out a string of curses at how soaked you’re getting and at how embarrassed you feel for confessing your love to Jake.
“____! ____, wait!”
You hear him calling out to you but you don’t stop, if anything it spurs you on to walk faster. The streets of Newbury are astonishingly empty due to the rain making it seemingly easy for a clean escape. What you fail to take into account though is Jake’s ability to sprint due to years of soccer.
He grabs onto your arm and spins you around to face him, determination written all over his face.
“I don’t deserve love, ____ I don’t!” Jake can feel his head spin with hurt, pain and daunting thoughts that have always plagued his self-deprecating mind. “That’s why I walked away. I can’t be loved, not by you, not my dad, not by anyone. I’m not worthy of it… I’m not a lovable person.”
“Oh my Gosh..” You place a hand over your mouth, emotions reaching a crescendo as you raise your voice. “Yes you are, Jake. Why do you think I’m standing here and telling you I love you? Why do you think I ever did any of the things I’ve done for you? Couldn’t you see it in the way I looked at you? In the way I touched you, the way I trusted you? You’re worth every fucking last bit of love I have.”
“You are the greatest love I have ever known, ____. It felt selfish to keep you all to myself knowing you could have had more! Knowing I was holding you back-”
You shake your head cutting him off, “I only ever wanted you. You were always more than enough Jake and I wish you had just told me! I would have reassured you each and every time! That’s what you do when you love someone!”
Jake suddenly closes the gap between you, gripping your face intimately as he looks into your frantic eyes. “I didn’t know how to talk through my emotions, ____. I thought it was better to deal with it alone and that caused me the best thing I’ve ever had. I’m still in love with you. My feelings are so strong I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t think straight, I don’t think straight when it comes to you.” Your eyes stare back at his desperate ones, Jake trying so desperately hard to get you to understand. “I want to try again. I want to do it right this time and never let you go.”
Your lips quiver, taken aback by his warm touch and confession. Unable to resist the urge any longer, Jake slowly leans forward, one hand firmly grasping your waist, the other resting at the base of your neck, and presses your lips together. Lightning cracks overhead as the rain continues to pour down on the two of you, soaking through your clothes. But none of it matters. A warmth radiates through you as you continue kissing Jake as the world seems to melt around you. After a few moments, you slowly pull away, taking a small gasp of air. A sheepish smile creeps onto Jake’s face as you sigh against his lips, breaking eye contact for a moment before Jake plants another, shorter kiss on your lips.
“I love you, ____. I’m sorry for not trying hard enough before but please, give me another chance to love you the right way. The way you deserve. I’m not scared anymore.”
You sniffle and nod your head, “”Okay. Let’s try again. No hiding this time. I want all parts of you Jaeyun, even the parts that scare you.”
He smiles and pecks your lip one last time. “You have all of me.”
#time for the tags !!🏷️#enhypen imagines#enhypen smut#sim jaeyun smut#jaeyun imagines#jaeyun smut#jake smut#jake imagines#sim jake imagines#sim jake smut#enha smut#jungwon imagines#jungwon#jungwon angst#Jake angst#enha fanfic#enha x reader#jake x reader#jungwon x reader#kpop smut#kpop imagines#kpop fanfiction#enhypen x reader
727 notes
·
View notes
Text
꒰ PULCHRITUDINOUS ! ꒱ -- yang jungwon - ˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚
(dividers from here and here!)
✿ wc; 0.9k
✿ pairing; devil ! jungwon x fem ! angel ! reader
✿ genre; smut. absolute FILTH minors do not interact
✿ contains; supernatural themes (devil won angel reader), won is v teasing but soft dom, reader is extremely subby, pet names (angel, darling, kitten, ect.), sir kink, dumbification, degradation, dacryphilia, A LOT of corruption kink (reader is vv innocent) praise, squirting, creampie, slight breeding kink.
"that's it angel. you always do so well for me." jungwon's delicate, sadistic voice made your ears ring as you looked up at him. a sweet hiss pushing through his fangs as his length pushed painfully into you, inch-by-inch until you were filled to the hilt.
you couldn't believe it. you were making a deal with the devil.
"w-wonnie, i-"
"sir."
you gulped, as his fingers ran through your hair, "sir." you corrected yourself, biting your bottom lip as he slowly slid himself out of you, before thrusting back in again.
"tell me, kitten."
you whined as he leaned in, teeth closing around your earlobe as he gently bit down on it, "i-i just..." you squeezed your eyes shut, tears pricking at them from the stretch when he continued to move in and out of you, as you gripped onto his shoulder, "s-someone's gonna find us..!"
"will they?" he smiled at you, "well. that's too bad for you, darling."
"h-huh?" you blinked, "for me..? what about you?"
jungwon chuckled at you.
"oh, you're adorable, angel. do i really need to spell it out for you?" he said, before whispering into your ear, "everyone already knows me. a big, mean, scary monster, with the tendency to ruin pretty little things like you." he smirked, poking the end of your nose with his fingertip as he said the last word, "but you... you're just that. a pretty little thing. you've built yourself quite the reputation, haven't you? y/n l/n... a sugary-sweet, innocent, intelligent, pulchritudinous girl. what would someone think if they walked in and saw this perfect girl getting ruined all over devil cock like this?"
you let out a broken moan as he picked up the pace, tears racing down your cheeks. he cooed at you, "awh, don't cry kitten. it'll all be our little secret, hmm? i promise i won't tell a soul about how dirty you really are." his eyes flashed a bright shade of yellow as he leaned down to kiss your chest, finding your hardened nipple with his mouth and swirling his tongue around it before biting down on the sensitive bud. he fed off of the pleasureful whine he got out of you from it, "so sensitive. pretty baby's only this dumb and pathetic for me, aren't you?"
tears welled up in your eyes as you nodded your head desperately. it was as if he sent you into another dimension as he filled you up with such graceful impurity.
he was right. only you were truly at risk here. if anyone walked in on this, your entire reputation would be destroyed.
but you were too far gone to be worried about that, as your third orgasm of the night began to build up in your stomach. your fingers held tightly onto the sleeve of his leather jacket. jungwon smirked, his tongue protruding through his cheek as his sharp fangs reflected the moonlight from the window outside the window.
"gonna cum?" he asked you, his voice shaky and whispery as he leaned into your ear, asking you the vile and disgusting question without missing a beat.
your breath hitched in your throat, unable to respond to him other than with a long, whimpery string of moans, a tiny little 'yes sir' knotted to the end, which you only managed to cry out after much struggling.
he laughed darkly, licking a stripe up along the side of your ear as he gripped tightly onto your hips with his sharp claws, lifting you to a degree and pulling you onto his shaft as he met your hips halfway, "good. i'm gonna fill you up so good, yeah? you want that?"
you gasped and shuddered at this new angle, the tears now rolling down your cheeks as fast as raindrops on a window pane in a heavy rainstorm. you could feel so much more now, the way his bulbous head rubbed against your cervix when the base of his length reached the end made you feel foggy in the head, as you only nodded your head vigorously, "y-yes sir! please w-want you..!" you babbled drunkenly, intoxicated by his devilish intrusion.
jungwon smirked at your tearful desperation, "how dirty of you..." he whispered teasingly, "you want my devil babies in your pretty little angel pussy? hm?"
you weren't even really sure of the extent of what he was saying anymore, only gasp and nodding your head, feeling your opening clamp tightly down onto him, the stretch now even more satisfying as you felt your eyes roll back, your body arching off of the desk. "m' g-gonna..!"
he chuckled beneath his breath as he watched the knot snap before him, your entire body shaking as you gushed around him, making a real mess of the classroom desk, your words breaking into torn and fragmented moans and whimpers. you could feel your heartbeat thundering through your body, thighs dripping with essence as you gasped for air, eyelids heavy as he continued to chase his high, connecting his lips to yours in a messy kiss.
he let out a soft groan against your lips as he stilled his movements, his warm, pearlescent release filling you to the hilt as your eyelashes fluttered and your breath began to slow to a more fluid pace.
the both of you took a moment to calm down, before you opened your mouth to say something, but jungwon only grinned at you, hushing you gently.
"shh... i'll take care of you, sweet angel."
✿ taglist; @hunbun07 @metalchick529 @chewryy @iraa567 @jwchn @bunhoons !
#jungwon#jungwon fluff#jungwon angst#jungwon smut#enhypen#enhypen fluff#enhypen smut#enhypen angst#enhypen drabbles#yang jungwon#jungwon fic#enhypen fic#yang jungwon smut#enhypen jungwon yang#jungwon yang
967 notes
·
View notes
Text
in my head - yjw
; pairing - jungwon x fem!reader
; synopsis - you’ve hated jungwon ever since you two met on the train to hogwarts back in first year; he’s self-centered, lazy, and always coming out for you. now in your seventh year, you’ve been named head girl (woohoo!). unfortunately, the head boy position was given to the one and only yang jungwon (boohoo…). with no other choice, you’re forced to face the annoyingly attractive boy and work with him for the rest of the year - if you can even last that long.
; tags - fluff, angst, crack, ravenclaw! headboy!jungwon, slytherin! headgirl!reader, rivals to lovers, enemies to lovers, hogwarts au (with a modern twist), bc they have tablets and stuff
; warnings - a little bit of swearing, a lot of hostility between yn and jw, lmk if i missed anything!
; wc - 12.9k words (umm.... have fun!)
teaser
everyone’s eyes are on you as you stand up at the front of the great hall while the headmaster - professor bang si hyuk - introduces you as this year’s head girl. looking at all the students staring back up at you, you almost feel proud of yourself (keyword: almost).
you’d think someone would be overjoyed at being acknowledged and recognised enough to have been given such a high position, but you aren’t.
instead, you’re silently fuming, just barely keeping your temper in check as you plaster a fake smile on your face. your eye twitches as you hear a low chuckle from-
“the head boy, yang jungwon!” the headmaster announces. cheers erupt from around the room, all clapping for their new heads.
“i can feel the waves of anger practically radiating off of you,” he murmured quietly.
yang jungwon.
the boy you despised so much.
listen, you don’t really hate anyone, but you’re pretty sure that what you feel towards the boy you called ‘yang’ is close enough.
in all your six years at hogwarts, you two have constantly been at each other’s throats. arguments often broke out between you in corridors; fights wherein one would end up stupefied or thrown against the wall; even little sabotages against each other that were subtle enough that teachers could pass off as an accident or your own fault rather than the other’s.
for example, back in third year, yang had tripped you on your way into the great hall after everyone got off the hogwarts express. you had flashed everyone behind you and scraped your knee when you landed on the ground.
although no one saw him do it, you immediately knew who the culprit was, especially when he smirked down at you over his shoulder as he walked ahead. oh how badly you wanted to slap that smile off his face in the moment.
you retaliated the next week by mixing his white laundry with red clothes, so he was forced to attend his classes with pink uniform until he got new shirts. nothing satisfied you more than the glares he sent your way throughout the first day of his pink week, you could feel him boring holes into the back of your head even when you weren’t looking.
making your way back to the slytherin table, you thought back to when you got that fateful letter a few weeks back.
you slid the window open after spotting an owl from afar flying towards your house.
the bird flew in gracefully, and dropped your letter from hogwarts on the kitchen island counter, accepting the treats offered from your hand.
“y/n, please. close the window, would you? it’s so windy outside - it’s blowing away my papers!” your mother scolded from her seat at the table.
“sorry, my bad! i just got my grades.”
“ah really? let’s see it then.”
you scanned the letter, satisfied to see an O on all your subjects. although they weren’t your final NEWTS grades, they were an indication of how you did throughout sixth year according to teachers’ assessments.
you’d been nervous at seeing anything below an O, but your friends had told you not to worry all summer.
“you’ve never dropped from the top rank in our year ever since first year, why would you now?”
“hiyyih, it’s only because of how much i’ve studied, but what if the expectations this year are higher? what if it’s not enough? what if i spent too many free periods sitting with you guys by the lake instead of-“
“be for real, you only did that twice! you’re the only person who’s actually spent their free periods studying,” rei said.
“well that’s what they’re supposed to be used for!”
“who actually does that! besides you, of course.”
“rei’s right, even yang jungwon often spends his frees with his friends.”
“that’s why he’s number 2,” you roll your eyes. “maybe if he studied during his frees, he’d finally get that number 1 spot he's been telling me he'd get for years.”
“it’s the fact he doesn’t have to study as hard to easily get second top student in our year. besides, weren’t you just worrying about not being first this time ‘round?”
that set you off into another episode of wailing and worrying about your results.
reading the letter, your eyes zeroed in on a shiny gold badge attached to the bottom.
dear kim y/n,
we are pleased to inform you that you have been chosen as head girl for this upcoming academic year.
you will be working alongside the head boy, yang jungwon, and all prefects across the four houses.
you and the head boy’s duties will be relayed to you after the sorting ceremony.
congratulations once again, you are well deserving of the title.
sincerely,
headmaster bang si hyuk
you still remember your mother questioning you after watching your figure suddenly go from jumping around the kitchen all giddy, to sulkily dragging your feet to the table.
of course, you were honoured to be picked, but did they really have to choose your enemy as your partner? i mean, the whole school knows about your rivalry, and you guys have been told off countless times by teachers! so was this really a smart idea?
when the ceremony ended, one of the professors led you and yang to the head dormitories.
(a “benefit” of being one of the heads was getting your own room, separate from your own house dorms. but you’d still be sharing the common room with yang, so that wasn’t exactly the biggest plus in your books.)
“as you can see, you will have separate private rooms, each with their own bathroom,” the professor pointed at the doors on opposite sides of the common room.
“but you two will share this living space. there’s a little library in the corner as well.
“now for rules..." he started listing a bunch of obvious rules - like what's allowed in the head dorms and what isn't, when you can bring your friends, etc.
“and last but not least, you aren’t allowed in each other’s private quarters,” he paused before glancing at both students. “although, i don’t think that’ll be a problem.”
he’s right there, you thought bitterly.
the idea of even sharing the common room with the boy irked you, let alone entering his own room. you could only imagine all the stupid tricks he was planning on you right now - but you were doing the same.
after the whole ordeal, the professor finally left you two alone, but not before telling you that you should start planning out the prefects’ patrolling schedules so that you could meet up with them as soon as possible.
you and yang stared at each other for a moment, apprehension hanging in the air. this is the first time you two have directly looked each other in the eye tonight.
“so… i guess we should get to sorting out those schedules,” he breaks the silence, gesturing to the scroll of names in your hands, which the professor had left with you.
nodding, you followed him to the large table in the middle of the room, where you’d hold a meeting with the prefects tomorrow morning.
“here’s the list of all the prefects, plus their student ID numbers.”
“okay, we can use those to add them all into a group chat on hog-messages and inform them of the meeting tomorrow.”
one of the newer developments at hogwarts in recent years was the addition of electronic tablets given to every student, so they’d be able to communicate faster with each other. it had an app programmed within it called ‘hog-messages’ where students could message each other or their teachers, and create group chats, all activity being monitored by staff.
the tablets also allowed the students to be able to write notes down on it, but most teachers often preferred all homework to be written on paper scrolls anyway.
all this was provided by yang enterprises.
yup. yang was the son of the wizard who introduced muggle electronic devices into the wizarding world, instantly boosting their family into riches and success.
the world was given to him on a silver platter, so he’s always had it easy. and unfortunately for you, the boy not only grew up snobby and privileged, but was smart too.
coming from the muggle world, you entered the wizarding world with an open mind. despite this, you hated the ravenclaw almost as soon as you met him.
his ego was high up through the roof way before he’d even been placed in the house, and he emanated a strong intimidating aura. as soon as yang saw you on that hogwarts train, he turned his nose up at you like you were dirt before you’d even spoken a word to each other.
nonetheless, you managed to work out a schedule together smoothly. but the lack of clashing heads for once put you on edge, you felt like something was just wrong.
“alright, i’ve sent a message to the group,” he said, staring at his screen.
“okay…” you trailed off, unsure what to say. “um, let’s be civil this year, yang,” you say instead, putting a hand out.
the boy looked up at you, before glancing down at your hand then laughed in disbelief. as if you had said you were going to run 100 laps around the castle.
“duh, i knew that when i got the letter. that doesn’t need to be said. are you an idiot?”
now it was you who stared at him in disbelief. there’s the yang you know.
lowering your hand, you scoffed and stormed into your room, which was luckily closer so you didn't have to spend another second looking at his pretty face.
you should have known nothing would ever change. you can’t believe you almost thought that yang had changed. of course he’d never grow up, maybe he was just made this way.
on the other hand, the return of his ugly personality brought you some comfort. it was just something you were more familiar with. you weren’t used to the driven and focused attitude he had on earlier when sorting out the schedule, and you’d prefer to keep it that way.
unpacking your bags and showering before changing into pajamas, you set an alarm for 6:30am, so you’d have time for the meeting at 7:30 and can end it before classes began at 8. you went to bed feeling prepared for tomorrow.
the next morning however, you woke up late.
the sunlight seeped in through the curtains, and after a moment, you checked your phone for the time.
8:34am
crap.
you practically jumped out of bed and began to frantically get ready, pulling on the first shirt and skirt you could grab from your closet.
why hadn’t your alarm woken you up? you set the alarm two hours earlier. had you accidentally typed 630 into the calculator app instead from a tiring day?
however, when you check your alarm clock, you saw that it had been turned off. although, you clearly remember pressing save and checking that it was on before tucking yourself into bed.
you pause as you brush your hair, your thoughts coming to a stop.
it was yang, you realised.
is this his idea of civil? you wonder what he's on as you slip on your uniform in panic.
quickly brushing your teeth, you put on your tie as you ran out the room, a chill hits you when you remembered the prefects’ meeting you were supposed to have this morning.
oh my god, they probably think i'm an irresponsible head girl. there’s no doubt the bad impression being late on your first day as head girl would leave on not only the students, but the teachers as well.
will they revoke your position? will they give the badge to another, more responsible girl? who preferably doesn’t have beef with the head boy?
you cringed at the thought you might be punished because of something entirely yang’s fault, and he’d get away with it. as he always does.
you ran down the moving stairs, almost slipping off the edge when it suddenly changed paths, towards your first class as you cursed out the head boy in your mind.
but soon enough, nervousness took over as you neared the classroom.
there was only about 15 minutes left of the period, so was it even worth it to go? and besides, yang was in this class too. you’d hate to see the gloating smirk on his face when you enter and get scolded by the professor.
before you could decide however, the door opened, revealing the very boy you’d been planning revenge on all morning.
yang didn’t look surprised to see you there, evident by the grin on his face.
he faked a shocked tone though, when he announced your presence to the professor (and the whole class).
it goes without saying that you definitely had a bad morning, being held back in class for another half hour to make up for what you missed that morning.
thankfully, you had a free period next, so you weren’t missing your next class this time.
although you hated yang jungwon with every fibre of your being, you weren’t a snitch. you wouldn’t dare expose him - mostly because it would be useless. who would really believe you, when you were already messing up so early in the year? and certainly not when it accused the school’s beloved heartthrob.
so you took your punishment on without a complaint, pointedly ignoring yang the rest of the day, who didn’t even try to hide his smile.
you sighed as you made notes on griffin claw substitutes, all alone in the potions classroom.
september and october rolled by; even though you and yang continued your little pranks and tricks on each other, you guys managed your head duties just fine. he did his work and never slacked, so you were satisfied.
you had gotten your revenge on yang by charming his wand to vibrate uncontrollably two days later. you remember barely being able to hold in your laugh as you watched him struggle to conjure a flock of birds, an explosion of feathers popping from the tip instead.
from what you heard, he also struggled in his other classes you didn’t share, which delighted you to no end.
“what are you skipping around all giddy about?” hiyyih asked you sceptically.
“just that yang seems to be struggling in herbology class, according to jang wonyoung.”
“what did you do?” rei eyed suspiciously.
“how could you accuse me of doing something?” you gasped.
“it’s pretty obvious - head boy and student #2 wouldn’t just struggle in a class he’s always done well in,” minji shrugged.
you rolled your eyes at your friends, but then smiled cheekily when you admitted how you’d snuck into his room that morning and cast a charm on his wand with a spell that would only stop after twenty-four hours.
“okay, that’s pretty funny. i’m gonna have to ask wony about it later,” rei laughed.
your phone buzzed, and upon checking it, you were surprised to see a text from the one and only yang jungwon.
Hog-Messages
YANG JUNGWON (ID: 78395)
professor kim wants to see us
“speak of the devil,” you tell your friends and show them your screen.
you watched as the three glanced at each other, equally surprised.
“wow, a text! from yang jungwon! and it’s not some evil curse or cryptic message!” hiyyih remarked, which you nodded to in agreement.
rei laughed. “you guys act like he’s incapable of simple communication; he’s just relaying a message.”
“sometimes rei, i think he is,” you joked.
YANG JUNGWON
ID: 78395
professor kim wants to see us
KIM Y/N
ID: 78384
when?
YANG JUNGWON
ID: 78395
after classes today
at his office
KIM Y/N
ID: 78384
ofc it’s at his office, you think he’d want to meet us in the restrooms?
YANG JUNGWON
ID: 78395
i hope u fall off your broom on the pitch
also come un-charm my wand or something right now.
KIM Y/N
ID: 78384
can’t 🤷♀️ sux 2 b u
"honestly, if i didn't know better, i'd think you two had a hate-love relationship," minji teased.
"ew, anything above dislike is something i will never feel for yang jungwon," you scrunched your nose in distaste. how could minji even think something like that?
"whatever," she snickered.
arriving in front of the professor’s office door, you opened it to find jungwon already inside and seated on one of the chairs opposite the teacher’s desk. you bowed in greeting before taking the other empty seat.
“so,” professor kim started. “we need to talk about your behaviour as the head students.”
you gulped. had you done something wrong? were those threats to revoke your position on the first day real?
looking over at your co-partner, his face was unreadable, as always. he looked perfectly calm, which infuriated you.
“as head boy and girl, you two are setting the standard for the rest of the school. you guys are supposed to be role models. but i’m sure you already know this.” professor kim paused and looked at both of you intently before continuing.
“so why is it i’m finding out that you two have not been doing your patrols together?”
oh. so that’s what this is about.
you and yang had completed one patrol session together on the first week of school, and it’s safe to say that it was… horrific. without going into too much detail, you guys had practically argued the whole two hours that night; although it was unlikely, if there were any couples making out or young students causing trouble, they probably heard you two from a mile away and hid before they were caught.
at the end of the night, you both agreed that you’d just swap your schedules and patrol with other prefects - possibly the only thing you two had ever agreed on.
“we weren’t aware that we had to patrol together,” you replied when the head boy was clearly not going to speak up first. what a pussy.
it was a lie; you guys obviously knew that head students were supposed to patrol together. having been prefects in previous years, you knew how things worked. it was why you had done the first patrol together after all.
but you figured that since it wasn’t a specifically given instruction, you didn’t actually have to do it together.
professor kim stared at you two incredulously for a moment, his expression somewhere between exasperation and disbelief. a pool of anxiousness swirled in your stomach at the way he sighed and pinched his nose bridge frustratedly.
“listen, i don’t know what si-hyuk was thinking when he had chosen you two as the heads, given your history and all. but he chose you. so please show that you’re worthy of the title - let go of your childish rivalry. otherwise, we may actually have to find new head students.”
“you could just let go of her, professor. i’d be able to work with any other girl,” yang finally spoke up. of course the first thing he'd say is an insult.
you gasped and glared at him.
“clearly, you’re the one who’s childish and immature here. maybe you should be the one to get replaced.”
“enough!” the teacher slammed his hands on the desk. “if you two keep this act up, we will not hesitate to replace you both.”
and so with that, you and yang left the office in uncomfortable silence. not a word was spoken between you until just before you parted ways.
“guess we’ll use the old schedule again,” he said. you nodded.
being the end of the day, you were both too tired to argue. the heavy workload that comes with NEWTS in addition to the responsibilities of your positions, you both left for your own common rooms without sparing another glance.
the dreaded patrol round came sooner than you would have liked, and you found yang waiting by the castle doors. you always seemed to be the later one, as if he’d placed a curse on you with that trick at the start of the year.
he kicked himself off the wall he’d been leaning against when he saw you, and began to walk without so much as a ‘hi’ or ‘let’s go’. you had to quickly jog to catch up to him.
the air between you two as you walked around was silent and tense, so thick that you could probably cut it with a knife.
surprisingly, yang was the first to break the silence.
“i was thinking - we should plan the first hogsmeade trip for this term.”
“mhm,” you hummed in agreement. “i think it’s best to have it after the quidditch match in november.”
“yeah, at the end of the month. and people would be able to go before the winter break.”
you fished your phone out from your pocket and opened the calendar app.
“when should we have it?"
yang leaned over your shoulder to look at your screen. “let’s have it on the twenty-seventh," he says, pointing at the date on the calendar. "it’d be good to have the week between the match and the trip free so we can prepare.”
you nodded as you listened, typing up a reminder to speak with the professors about it.
“hey!” the head boy suddenly shouted, causing you to jump. “what are you kids doing here?”
you looked up to find he had opened a classroom, in which three students in around 4th or 5th year were standing. they stared up at the pair of you with wide eyes, like a dear in headlights.
“what are you doing?” you asked, regaining your composure. looking at their ties, you realised they were in slytherin, like you.
the students glanced at each other worriedly and slowly backed away from the two of you. you noticed them hiding something behind them on the desk.
pointing your wand at the items behind them, you summoned it nonverbally, yelling ‘accio!’ in your mind. the items flew into your arms.
“you all better go back to your common room. it’s way past your curfew,” yang warned them. “20 points from slytherin.”
the group shuffled out of the room and quickly ran back to the dungeons.
“isn’t 20 too many?” you grumbled. maybe you were a little biased since they were in your house though.
ignoring you, yang sighed as he turned back to look at the contents in your hands.
“what is it?” he asked.
upon closer inspection, it seemed to be the plannings or blueprint of a large snake puppet that moved on its own, the quote ‘slytherin slays’ painted along its body.
you held back a giggle as you read the notes on how to make the snake glare and breathe flames out when faced with a ravenclaw. yang snorted as he read them as well.
“you slytherins are always so immature when it comes to quidditch matches.” you rolled your eyes and glared at him, imagining you were breathing flames like the puppet snake.
“at least we have a strong sense of support for our house. what’re you birdies doing? painting little flying banners that the players won’t be able to read on the pitch?”
“my team doesn’t need to read our house’s support. we’re good enough and know if.”
“sounds like there’s just no house spirit.”
“say that to me when your team loses,” he challenged.
“you’ll be waiting forever then,” you retorted.
“let’s place a bet. 20 galleons that ravenclaw wins.”
“fine! if we wins, i want you to pay my monthly subscription in an online game for a year."
“what?”
“i need money," you huff, crossing your arms indignantly.
“you need muggle money.”
“well, yes. but i mean, you can convert your wizarding money into muggle money, then pay for my monthly subscription in a game so i get game money.”
“that sounds useless; for a kids’ game? and you called me the childish one?” he raised a questioning eyebrow.
“i wouldn’t need to find peace in an online game if you didn’t bother me all the time, you know," you complain. "you’re like a piece of gum i can’t get off my shoe.”
“you could just cast a spell to get the gum off,” he shrugged.
“you’re right, i’ll just cast a spell on you!” you smile brightly. “stupe-“
“oh my god, okay! i’ll pay for your stupid game - if slytherin wins, which you won’t.”
you smiled to yourself, a skip in your step for the rest of the patrol.
soon, the day of the match arrived; ravenclaw against slytherin (because of course it was).
the morning of the match was lively as usual, everyone split between green and blue.
you watched the large snake float above everyone’s heads in the great hall, breathing (harmless) flames into every ravenclaw’s face.
just at that moment, you bumped into the trio of students who’d been planning the little surprise. you sent them a discreet smile.
“20 points to slytherin,” you awarded for the clever trick, but also to make up for the twenty that yang had taken.
suddenly, you screech when a flock of small origami birds flew and pecked at your hair, ruining the braid you’d put your hair in for the match.
looking up, you noticed the small paper birds flying about the hall, pecking at every slytherin-supporter. this was definitely ravenclaw’s idea; no doubt yang had gotten inspiration from the those students you two had caught.
“you good, kim?” a familiar voice greets you. you turn to see the devil himself smirking at you, pleased with the mess you are.
“i was, until you got here.”
“maybe it’s a sign that you’ll lose today.”
“maybe it’s a sign you should shut up.”
the match started without a hitch.
you scored the first 10 points of the match within 6 minutes, and by the first half hour, slytherin was ahead by 30 points.
you enjoyed the thrill of being a chaser, trying different ways to get the quarrel past the keeper. in fact, you enjoyed flying in general, and being on the pitch.
that is until, you started getting pestered by the other team’s seeker.
you noticed yang seemed to be flying around you after a few laps, and sent him a questioning look.
“what are you doing, yang?”
“looking for the snitch, it’s my job.”
“well, i’m not the snitch. so keep looking!”
“well i’m certainly looking at a similar word.”
it took time to process what he meant, but when you realised, you glared at the boy.
“focus on the game- if you keep your eyes on me, you’ll be paying for my subscription soon!”
yang scoffed and looked away, searching the pitch for the snitch, sending you a glare before zooming away.
the game ended in slytherin’s favour, your team’s seeker barely clutching the golden ball in his hands before the head boy could reach it.
cheers roared across the stadium when it ended with your team’s success, students running onto the pitch in excitement to congratulate you and the other players.
“seriously, the way you threw the quaffle into the hoop while gliding through the air - it was so smooth!” minji gushed as rei nodded in agreement.
“let’s go, there’s going to be a congratulatory party in the common room!” rei says, taking your hand to drag you.
“can i come?” asked hiyyih excitedly, who was a gryffindor.
“duh!”
you laughed as you followed your three best friends, when you caught sight of a certain person in the corner of your eye.
“wait, i have to do something real quick,” you pause to tell the girls. they stopped as well and looked at you curiously.
“what is it?”
“wait for me. i just need to talk to yang - head stuff,” you tell them off-handedly, before running off to the ravenclaw team.
“it’s definitely not about ‘head stuff’,” hiyyih nudges rei, who nods as they watch you leave.
you make your way to the losing ravenclaw team, even congratulating some of them on a good game.
when you reach your target, you tap on his shoulder to get his attention, before smiling triumphantly up at him (wow, you never realised how much taller he was than you until now).
“what is it, kim?” he drawled with an eye-roll.
“the bet. i won.” you gloated, the smile never leaving your face, widening instead when he wore a look of disbelief.
“oh, right.” he sighed before scratching the back of his head, looking around thoughtfully. “let’s sort it out tomorrow, at patrol.”
“okay! don’t back down from your end of the bet.”
“i may hate you, but i’m not a sore loser. see you tomorrow night, kim.”
“with my monthly subscription payment!” you say, waving tauntingly as you ran back to your friends.
“what did you need to talk to him about?” minji asked, putting her hand out to hold yours as you four made your way to the slytherin dungeons.
“we’re making monthly plans to help a student who needs it,” you say smugly.
“sounds like you’re twisting the truth,” rei laughed.
“but it is the truth!” you protested.
you found yourself happily scrolling through the game's catalog, looking to spend your newly-bought robux.
ever since your deal on the match, you found yourself slowly warming up to yang.
well, not to the point you’d consider each other friends, but you acknowledge each other in passing with a nod or quick wave instead of pointedly looking the other way like usual.
you also argued less, much to the relief of the entire school. however, they were still apprehensive, waiting for something to blow up eventually. it was simply too suspiciously calm and quiet without your voices yelling down the hall or in the corner of a classroom.
as the weeks went on, you two learned to get along better and better everyday, even willingly becoming partners in potions once.
sometimes, you would walk to the great hall together for lunch or dinner after a meeting. you even spent your free periods with yang, which you told your friends was because ‘they didn’t have any frees with you’ so you ‘might as well spend it productively’ with the head boy who coincidentally shared the same free periods schedule.
you did lots of stuff together, as expected of the head girl and head boy.
yet, you always avoided studying together.
others might think it’s because of your rivalry; how one might copy off the other’s or something.
sure, you laugh to yourself. let people think what they want.
but the idea of studying with yang again brings back memories of fifth year.
you didn’t tell anyone about it, not even your own friends.
at the end of the year, you’d been practically glued to the library for two months, studying for your OWLs.
“mind if i sit here?”
you turn up to see a familiar face.
“yang?”
“there’s no other free space in the library,” he rolled his eyes, making up an excuse.
looking around, you realised he was right. the only other free spots were next to students that were notoriously weirdos who everyone avoided. maybe he doesn’t want them to copy off his work, you think to yourself.
“um, okay,” you agreed hesitantly while sucking on a sugar quill, moving some of your books to make space for him. those sweets often helped you focus.
yang pulled the seat out and sat down, before beginning to study himself.
you tried to continue as you were, but had lost focus. not even the green apple-flavoured sweet in your mouth could help you concentrate.
you were hyper aware of his presence - the way he hunched over the table with his hair falling over his face. you watched him from the corner of your eye.
why had he chosen to sit with you? were there seriously no better places to go? what about his room? the astronomy tower? the little corner window by the potions classroom downstairs?
“relax. i can feel how tense you are from here.”
“does your oh-so-precious pure-wizard blood give you the ability to sense emotions like a dog?” you scoffed. he looked up sharply and gave you a serious look.
“i just want to revise for my OWLs; let’s keep our disputes outside the library, where we won’t get hexed by madame park over there.”
you rolled your eyes and kept your head down, going back to your own business.
over the course of the month, a routine slowly began wherein you would often study together in the library.
sometimes it was you joining him instead, and you would just wordlessly take the seat opposite him. even when there were other spaces to sit, you two always chose to sit together in the corner table, hidden from the rest of the school.
a word was never spoken between the two top students. and you never told your friends about the little arrangement either.
his presence quickly became something of a comfort for you - it was easier to focus on your studies when he was there. and if you ever needed help with something, he’d give you a few pointers when you finally begrudgingly asked.
he never asked you for help though, which always reminded you why he was number 2. it infuriated you how you had to work twice as hard than him just to barely surpass the boy.
whenever you heard people talking of him in passing, he was always nicknamed ‘the prodigy boy’. what were you called? ‘the girl that was good for a muggle-born’.
he was your rival, but you weren’t his. and he’s made that clear since the day you met.
and yet, despite all the resentment you held for him, you enjoyed his company. OWLs were stressing the life out of everyone, but it felt like you could get through it with him sitting across you.
maybe it’s because he motivated you to keep working harder, to try more so you could widen the gap between your ranks. seeing him everyday reminded you of why you tried so hard. maybe you wanted to show him (and everyone else) that being muggle-born doesn’t mean you’re any less than those born in this world.
at least that’s what you told yourself.
but it doesn’t explain why you began to glance at his lips every time he sat across you.
it doesn’t explain why butterflies began to flutter in your stomach when you felt the warmth of his body close to yours as he’d lean over your shoulder and point at the book when you asked for help. or why you felt giddy when you’d play with each other’s feet under the table.
until one day, he’d dropped his smart-quill on the floor, and you were quicker to kneel down from your seat to get it.
“here,” you said, handing him the quill, still on your knees on the floor.
as you faced him, you realised the close proximity only then.
you stared into his eyes that pulled you in, keeping you locked and unable to escape from his gaze. he stared right back, the quill forgotten in your hand, which now lay on his left knee.
you didn’t even realise the way he slowly leaned down until he cupped your cheek.
his touch was soft; you leaned into it.
“is this okay?” you could barely hear him whisper over the rapid beating of your heart. all you could do was nod.
your eyes fluttered shut as your lips finally connected. a mix of pretty emotions burst in your stomach, filling you with a giddiness you never knew before.
it might have been just a few seconds, or it could have been hours - you didn’t know. that first kiss was everything you ever imagined it to be.
you pulled away first, finally running out of air. but he chased after your lips, kissing you again.
the memory of your first kiss will forever be cemented in your memory. you were just two 16 year olds, softly holding onto each other in the corner of a library, hidden from the rest of the world.
you scrunch your nose at the bittersweet memory. who would’ve thought your first kiss would be with the person you hate the most in this world.
when you returned to school for sixth year that september, yang acted like nothing happened between you two.
he ignored you for the first month of school, not even bothering to taunt you like he used to. everyone had been stumped, including you, but he eventually went back to his usual tactics, albeit with a noticeable lack of ‘stupid muggleborn who can never be on our level’ comments. soon you two were back to your regular bickering as if he didn’t ignore your existence for the first month of school.
as if you hadn’t shared a kiss just three months before.
now, your developing friendship scared you. you didn’t want a repeat of last time; his actions had really hurt you back then.
you remember all the nights you spent in the library, waiting. waiting for him to come, to explain why he was acting like that. waiting for something.
thoughts ran through your mind, trying to reason why he might do this. maybe he realised he didn't feel for you the way you felt for him. maybe he went back to his room that night and wiped all the muggle germs off his face. maybe he realised he was too good for you.
you remember all the times you cried yourself to sleep, eyes puffy for weeks that even your teachers asked if you were okay. if maybe you’d eaten something bad or been cursed. that maybe you should go to the infirmary to fix it.
hiyyih, rei, and minji had no idea how to help you, because you refused to tell them what was wrong.
and you never did. it’s simply too embarrassing. explaining that you kissed your number one enemy and then he ignored you for month and acted like nothing happened between you two was humiliating. you knew your friends wouldn’t, but surely if other students found out, they’d laugh at you.
yang probably laughed with his friends about it. you were just waiting, dreading to hear the rumours of how you’re a bad kisser and how no one should ever want your muggle-born, good-for-nothing ass.
every time you walked past him and his friends, you’d walk faster and look everywhere but their direction. you imagined their snickers and smirks as they watched you run by like a pathetic loser.
the rumours never came however.
no one ever looked at you weirdly, or laughed at you. you ended sixth year with a big sigh of relief, releasing a breath you didn't realise you'd been holding the whole year.
now, you found yourself standing next to the very boy who you had spent the end of your 5th year with, walking a big group of students towards hogsmeade.
you sigh as you think about your astronomy test on monday, which you’d rather spend the weekend studying for.
unfortunately, as the heads, it’s you and yang’s duty to chaperone the students on their trip to the village.
you sigh and pull on your strap, hiking your heavy bag higher up your back. you think of the long day ahead, studying in the corner of one of the quieter cafés, freezing your toes off. it’s not preferable, but it’ll have to do.
yang watches you, eyeing your heavy bag of books.
“what the hell? don’t tell me you’re spending this trip studying.”
“alright, i won’t,” you roll your eyes at him as you two trudge behind the large crowd of students. it was 9 in the morning, and you were too tired to reply.
“wouldn’t you rather spend your time with your friends? you somehow have those,” he teased.
“well yeah,” you huff, a little irritated at his care-free attitude. “but not everyone can pass an astronomy test without needing to study like you. some of us actually have to work our butts off for good grades.”
yang stopped in his tracks, causing you to follow and look back at him questioningly.
to your surprise, he wore a serious expression, glaring forward and refusing to look at you. you must’ve struck a nerve.
“stop acting like you’re the only one in the world that has to fucking work hard,” he fumed. you’ve never seen him this mad, even in all your arguments throughout the years.
“you’re always going on about how much you have to study this, how you need to work harder than me that - blah blah blah.
“why do you always feel the need to undermine my work? always downplaying my accomplishments to ‘mere talent’. what about the tens of hundreds of hours i’ve poured into my own studies? the hours i’ve spent sat by a tutor since i was 6?”
surprised by his outburst in combination with your own irritation and jealousy, you couldn’t help but retort.
“are you serious right now? do you have to make everything about yourself?”
“oh because the world revolves around you? you are so fucking entitled!”
“me? entitled?” you laugh in disbelief. “you’re talking about how i undermine and downplay your work, when you’ve always been the one to yell out to the whole world how i’m a ‘stupid, pathetic muggleborn who’s lacking and can never fit in this world’!” students were beginning to notice your argument and were looking behind as they walked at you two now.
“so that’s what this is about? some shit i said two years ago?” he scoffed.
“some shit you threw at me for 5 years!” you throw your hands up in frustration.
“well maybe you’re proving me right with all your talk about just how much you need to study because you’ll 'never have it as easy as us'!” he yelled right back, mocking you. “you don’t know a thing about me.”
you stared at him, panting heavily. everyone’s attention was now on you two, people watching instead of walking.
“kim y/n! yang jungwon!” you hear the booming voice of professor kim shout over the crowd.
he stormed to you two, face red and veins popping out his neck.
“this behaviour is incredibly inappropriate of role model students! you two are supposed to be guiding the students towards the village, is that such a difficult task?” he scolded you and yang in exasperation.
“could you at least keep your feud behind closed doors? it’s incredibly selfish to ruin everyone’s day with your constant fights!”
you looked down ashamedly as your friends took this as their sign to finally drag you from your spot. jungwon’s friend, nishimura riki from 5th year copied their actions.
professor kim looked at the crowd which had now completely stopped to watch the show.
“keep moving kids!” he sighed, shaking his head in disappointment.
“park gunwook,” he called. the gryffindor jogged towards the teacher. “pham hanni.” the hufflepuff followed. “you two will take over the role of chaperoning the students, since our head students are clearly unsuitable for the job,” he instructed, throwing you a dirty look.
the two 6th year prefects nodded and began to walk behind everyone, feeling a little awkward at being put on the spot.
you glared at yang one more time, but was met with a different expression instead.
yang met your stare with concern written on his face, as his tall friend dragged him away. it confused you; just a moment ago, he’d been furious with you, and now he looked worried? what was he worried about? what’s with the switch up?
you couldn’t ponder on it any longer, what with your own friends shuffling you away from the crime scene.
the rest of the day was spent tucked away in a little corner of a small café you found, one people didn’t go to as much.
the girls had tried to convince you to join them on their fun, but let you go when you told them you had star charts to memorise for your upcoming test. they seemed hesitant, but after witnessing your recent fight with the head boy, they reluctantly allowed you to go off on your own with promises of saving you a butterbeer.
you busied yourself with your books, not wanting to think about the weird events this morning. from your first disagreement in a while, to yang’s mood swing - it was better to spend your thoughts on what was more important.
eventually, you woke up in the late afternoon, only realising then that you had fallen asleep. the rays of light from the sunset seeped through the window, waking you up with its blinding brightness.
how long had you fallen asleep? you could have been revising in the time you dozed off. astronomy was your weakest subject, so you really needed that precious time.
you groan in frustration, sighing as you sit up to straighten your back. but something falls off your shoulders as you do.
you look behind you and realise it was a jacket, which had been left on your shoulders by someone. but who?
bewildered, you pick up the jacket (which had an oddly familiar scent to it) and turn back to your table of books. but before you can return to your studies, something catches your eye.
there, on top of a pile of textbooks, lay a green sugarquill.
had my friends stopped by while i slept?
it didn’t particularly make sense though, since you agreed to meet up with them later tonight when you headed back to the castle.
you picked it up, then noticed the note it had been sitting on.
sorry, i shouldn’t have said any of that earlier.
found you sleeping, don’t beat yourself up. you can do this. i remember sugarquills help you focus, right? don’t worry, it’s not poisoned or anything…
goodluck on monday.
your heart squeezed painfully. his short message spoke volumes.
yang jungwon wasn’t one to apologise, seeing as he either never felt bad, or never really did anything wrong (in the eyes of everyone else).
you felt guilty too, seeing as it was your fault as well. you made a mental note to apologise to him in person later.
secondly, this was the first time he ever acknowledged the time you spent together in 5th year. it surprised you, because at this point you wondered if he had forgotten about it, or if it was all some sick dream you had.
heat rushed to your face and you had to put considerable effort into keeping your composure and not kick your feet and screaming right then and there. somehow, he’d remembered such a small detail about the sweet he left for you.
maybe the whole 5th year incident affected him more than he let on. maybe there really was something that happened between you guys.
or maybe you’re just being hopeful again.
one thing you’re sure about though, is that yang jungwon is most certainly crazy.
“welcome back everyone!” you greeted.
it’s the first prefect meeting of the term, everyone who left for the winter break having just returned two days prior.
“we have quite a bit to discuss today,” you started, before looking at jungwon to continue.
“let’s start with the more interesting news first.” he paused, looking at everyone before going on.
“me and the head girl have been planning something this winter, and with the approval of the headmaster, we can finally reveal it to you: the spring ball.”
you watched proudly as the prefects began whispering amongst themselves excitedly. you were so hyped up to be able to plan and make the event come to life.
“we wanted to give the students something more exciting to look forward to. you know- before OWLs and NEWTs completely take over our lives,” you joke, pulling chuckles out of everyone in the room.
“the idea is a formal, floral-themed event that’ll take place in the great hall. it’s only for 5th years and up, but younger years may attend if invited as a date.”
“since you guys are prefects, we’re asking for your help setting up the event. let’s talk ideas for decoration,” you say, pulling out your tablet to take notes.
as you wrote down the prefects’ thoughts and input, you were already drafting a schedule in your mind for preparations. that was until, you felt someone lean over your shoulder.
forcing yourself to keep writing, you tried to ignore the way your shoulder brushed against yang’s chest. one hand holding onto the backrest of your chair whilst the other lay on the table, next to your arm as you wrote on autopilot, your mind circuiting at the proximity. straightening your back in an attempt to compose yourself, you only push yourself against the boy more.
you were sure your face was as red as a tomato. your heart was beating so hard you were scared jungwon could hear it.
judging by the way he huffed in amusement, he probably realised the effect he had on you.
“focus, kim,” he whispered so only you could hear, leaning lower to your level. you could imagine the smirk on his face.
“i am,” you tried to say with as much nonchalance as you could.
honestly, the moment was really reminding you of all those times he’d helped in the library. deja vu was really hitting you hard right now.
the rest of the meeting went smoothly - at least, as smooth as it could be with yang constantly flustering you as he subtly kept grazing your skin.
now that you think about it, jungwon’s been acting strange lately. more… bold? that’s the best way you could explain it.
you don’t know how it happened, but ever since the hogsmeade trip, you two got closer. after you apologised to him, the incident in question was never spoken of again, never referred to. but it’s clear something shifted in your relationship with the head boy.
gradually, he began to fill up your everyday life, seeing him more often in the day than you used to.
in the mornings, you’d bump into each other in the common room after getting ready, and go down to the great hall for breakfast together. or, if one of you seemed to be running late after breakfast, you’d make sure to save some food and leave it in the common room for the other.
in the day, you two shared free periods, and so spent it lounging in the common room, simply doing work at the coffee table or reading a book on the couch. music would play in the background as you two sat in comfortable silence, basking in each other’s company.
in the evenings, you might come back from a late class to find him napping on the couch. so you’d shake him awake with a “jungwon, let’s go get dinner.”
you could be studying in the library corner of your shared living space, and he’d always remind you to eat. even when it was past any meal time, he’d drag you off the chair for a trip to the kitchens, where he’d get a house elf to make you two a snack. he often asked for eclairs, noticing it was your favourite.
but yang jungwon didn’t just take up your daily activities, he was always on your mind too.
thoughts of how he wouldn’t like the cold dim lights of the slytherin common room, or seeing students that he’s told you he isn’t particularly fond of floated in your mind when you visited your friends.
you even found yourself comparing him to characters in whatever series you absorbed yourself in. you seriously couldn’t stop thinking about him.
the fights stopped completely, but you two continued your flirting friendly banter all the time.
once, you managed to find time in your busy schedule to sit down and watch barbie movies. jungwon (when did you even start calling him that?) had walked in to the common room to find his bag which he had left there, only to see you huddled up in a blanket while watching barbie as the island princess magically projected onto the wall.
“what’s this?” he’d asked.
“muggle movies from my childhood. this girl here grew up on the island when one day, she was found by a prince who was intrigued by her, and brought her back to the city, where she finally learns who she really is,” you explained while keeping your eyes trained on the projection.
“and who is she really?”
“why don’t you sit down and watch, kitty?” you’d always called him by that nickname during your petty fights, since his face reminded you of a cute cat. now though, it became more of an endearing nickname for the boy.
“i have to write 10 inches on the use of the lumos solem spell by tuesday.”
“that’s 5 days away! come on, don’t you wanna know? it’s really good, i promise. we can watch from the start, and i’ll help you with that charms essay, since professor song assigned it to us to, and i already got started on it,” you asked, twisting to face him with the best pleading look you could muster.
“fine, but only because you begged," he relented with a playful smile.
so that’s how you ended up binging barbie movies into the wee hours of the morning, sharing a blanket with your proclaimed enemy on the sofa.
“you honestly look more like serafina,” you tease him.
“what? but she’s a girl! wouldn’t wolfie be a better fit?”
“but serafina has more cat-like eyes! you guys have similar eyes.”
“are you serious right now? they’re both cats!” he gestures to the movie, paused at the last scene.
“but you really look like her!” you insist, using both hands to point at each corner of his eyes, shifting closer to him. “they’re upturned.”
“didn’t realise you knew that about me, babe.” he wrapped his own hands around your wrists, as they hovered above his face. “if i’m serafina, you must be wolfie.”
“why? because we’re partners in crime?” you snorted at his suggestion. “they get married at the end and have a bunch of little kitties too. you want that?”
“if that’s what you’d like,” he shrugged, his lips pulling into a downwards smile.
you stared at him incredulously, heartbeat suddenly pounding as you looked into the growing smug look on his face. his eyes that managed to shine even in the dark never failed to root you on the spot, unable to look away.
what were you feeling? you've looked at jungwon so many times over the past 5 years, but the boy's gaze never made you feel like this way before. like you were floating on air; like you could do anything with him by your side, looking at you like that.
in fact, thinking back to all your years of knowing him, it's funny how much things have changed in the past several months.
you actually giggle a bit, sitting back, further from his warmth. you immediately miss the soft touch of his fingers around your wrists.
"what are you laughing about?" he asks, but he's laughing too.
"you. me; us."
"are we comedians now or something?"
"no, but we're definitely clowns of the circus." jungwon grinned at your statement, an amused huff escaping his lips.
"penny for your thoughts?"
"i was just thinking... how did we go from having wars in the middle of DADA in 3rd year, to watching muggle barbie movies at 2am on a saturday?" you think out loud.
"when you put it like that... we do sound like the comedy act of a show," he admits, scratching the back of his neck.
"at least i do."
"what do you mean?" you ask, shifting your position on the couch to sit up. you move your cold feet so they rest between jungwon's ankles, soaking in their warmth.
"our little feud - you know, the fights, the hexes, all that. it was all because of me."
"what? no it wasn't - i instigated a lot of them too," you say, trying to reassure him. was he feeling guilty and blaming himself?
"but, it was! honestly, if it wasn't for my stupid shallow thinking, we might've been friends way earlier." you looked at him patiently, nodding for him to continue.
"i used to think that muggle-borns were stupid and would fall behind in everything - school, work, just because you had no idea of how our world worked. honestly, i pitied and felt sorry for you guys, because i thought you could never be on our level. i know now how ignorant i was, obviously," he scoffed at himself.
"so when i met you, i thought you were an idiot. you are, don't get me wrong-" he teased you, causing you to roll your eyes, although smiling lightly. "but even though you're muggle-born, you always managed to do better than me.
"you were constantly the best student in our year- no, our school. you were faster at understanding concepts than i was, immediately getting things right on the first try. hell, even when i would go flying on the pitch to relieve my stress and then got recruited into the ravenclaw team in third year, i finally thought i was better than you at something. and then you joined your team in 4th, and was called the 'ace' of slytherin. what a blow all of that to was to my ego."
"i joined the team to annoy you," you shyly admit. "but why did you even think that in the first place?" you asked, not angry. you wanted to hear him out and finally get answers to questions you've asked yourself for so many years. you wanted to understand, and know the boy in front of you.
"well, you know that my father's company is successful. so growing up, i was given the best. my parents hired the best tutors for me, so i'd be ahead of everyone else when i started hogwarts. my teachers said i was their best student, my parents showed me off to their friends as their 'pride and joy' or something dumb like that. other parents compared their kids to me, i was that kid.
"i knew i was privileged though - that i had money and could afford to have this good education. so i made the best of it and constantly told myself that others would be lucky to have my life, so i wanted to prove i was worthy of it by working hard and pushing myself all my life.
"but with that, i developed the mindset that people who don't have money like i do can't have as much knowledge as me since they don't have access to it - and that included muggle-borns. you had zero knowledge of this world, which works incredibly different to yours. we have different moral compasses; notions of common sense; understanding of how things worked.
"so imagine how surprised i was to find that you were doing better than me in school. me, who had sat beside a tutor since i was 6, who was learning OWL content at 12. all this only for a girl who didn't even know magic existed until a month before to top me in school.
"that's why i was always angry; i was angry with my tutors for not teaching me better; at you for being better. but most especially at myself. for deluding myself into thinking that way." you two were silent for a moment.
"what changed?" you asked.
jungwon breathed in, preparing himself.
"5th year. i was finally learning to respect you, so when i walked into the library that was full of students, you seemed like the best option to sit next to."
"really? still hadn't gotten over that 'i'm better than everyone blah blah blah' attitude?" you asked, smugly tilting your head to the side.
"shush," he hid his face. "but... i got to learn how hard you really worked back then. i used to think you just had some gift for learning. but watching you with your head down for hours, i felt like i was discrediting all that with something like 'innate talent'.
"i went back home that summer confused and having a mid-life crisis at 16. my dad talked to me though, knocked some sense into me.
"he said that just because muggles don't know magic, doesn't mean they can't do anything. i mean, the whole idea of smart devices that our company is literally known for was taken from muggles! without you guys, we wouldn't have that in our world either. you created it, we just used magic to expand it.
"i was pretty shaken up after that, and was in a daze when 6th year started. it took me a while to sort my thoughts out and gather myself."
it was silent for a while, now nearing 3am.
jungwon just spilled out his guts to you, in the dim atmosphere of your common room. now you were the one collecting your thoughts.
"i'm sorry too."
"what? you never did anyth-"
"but i basically did the same thing as you. you studied for years and years, and i just always thought you were also naturally smart; that you never needed to study like i did because you already knew it all."
silence enveloped the two of you once again.
"...so i guess we're more similar than we thought, huh?" he smiled softly at you. you felt like you were floating again.
"i guess so."
jungwon unfolded his legs and opened his arms out as a gesture, which you gladly accepted and fell into his embrace.
"so, are we good now?" you asked.
"hmm, i still feel like you owe me something for all those years of endless anger and feeling like shit."
"you mean for enlightening you that we stupid muggles aren't so stupid?" you asked, face still buried in his chest, your voice muffled against his sweatshirt. "shouldn't you owe me? for teaching you a lesson?"
"but i want something," he pouted, pulling on your wrist.
"what is it? as long as its affordable."
"is going to the spring ball with me affordable?"
you turn your head to look up at him, who's looking down at you with shy eyes, waiting for your answer.
"i don't know... how much does it cost?" you play along. you already know your answer anyway.
"it'll cost you about..." he pulled out the calculator app on his phone, pretending to add up a total. "one kiss."
you laughed at him, finally pulling away from his arms.
"was that at the end of 5th year not enough?"
"no," he pouted, eyebrows knitted. so cute, you thought.
"alright then, but is it okay if i pay you that hefty price later at the ball?" jungwon sighed dramatically, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.
"i guess... but the price might increase to 10."
"that's okay, i'll give you as many as you want, as long as the first one is special."
"i didn't know you were sentimental like that," he smirked at you, kissing your cheek. you shrugged nonchalantly, smiling at him.
"i didn't know you were so needy for kisses like that."
"touché," he laughed, dragging you in for another hug, cuddling you until you both fell asleep in each other's arms.
since that night, you and jungwon gradually learned to be comfortable each other. and with the ball preparations, there was lots of opportunities to do so.
you realised that - without the hostility between you two, it was much easier to find compromises when you disagreed on something. jungwon did things differently from you, but listened to your thoughts and offered his too.
as the weeks went on, you found yourself looking forward to meetings with him, missing his presence when he wasn’t with you.
something in the way he’d nudge you lightly when you were worried about something, wrap his arm around you and squeeze your shoulder, or simply smile at you brightly with those cat-like eyes of his - they were all comforting.
the change in atmosphere didn’t go unnoticed by your friends either.
"what was that??" rei interrogated you when jungwon pulled you aside for the nth time this week.
"oh, he just wanted to talk about putting up decor later," you answer nonchalantly, taking a bite out of your toast.
"he has the same conversation with you practically every day," minji rolled her eyes.
"yeah, and i'm more surprised that you don't come ranting to us about every interaction you two have," hiyyih agrees, eyeing you suspiciously.
"well, i just grew up and matured," you try to defend yourself.
"if growing up and maturing means developing a crush, then yeah. you sure did." rei pauses before continuing. "is there something you aren't telling us?"
technically, yes. you weren't telling them about the development between you and jungwon - at least not yet. but you didn't exactly have a crush on the boy, in the sense that it was a one-sided thing and you were too shy to confess. but you didn't really want to tell them what was going on between you two, because you didn't know yourself.
were you and jungwon friends(-ish)? yes. but were you dating? no, definitely not. there's no doubt though that your strange, blurry, undefined relationship will develop soon enough, and you'd rather wait until everything's clear before telling your friends.
"she's not saying anything - something is definitely up!" hiyyih gasped excitedly, causing rei and minji to giggle, and you to shake your head.
you had noticed that jungwon seemed to always find reasons to talk to you, even if it's little things you've already discussed before, or silly simple questions like 'how's your day going?' or 'what barbie movie are we watching tonight?'
yeah, you two often found yourselves watching barbie movies late into a friday night.
you also ended up cuddling on the couch almost every evening after a long day of duties, particularly on patrol nights. after your rounds, you two would head back up to the head dormitories, where you'd flop onto the couch, and he'd jump onto you soon after.
the others would go crazy if they ever found out, you laugh to yourself.
the next day would be the night of the ball, so you were pretty wrapped up in helping out throughout the day.
"everything's set up," haerin, a 5th year gryffindor prefect told you.
"it looks really good," you tell her, looking at the great hall. it looked great now, and you were excited for how it would turn out in the dark of the night later.
"did you manage to complete the spell?" she asked curiously.
"i did, but i'm only 89.7% sure it'll work," you say, biting your lip. you hated not being completely sure about something, like an answer, or in this case - a self-made spell.
you turn when you hear a laugh behind you.
"i like how you have a specific percentage even when it comes to feelings," jungwon says through a grin. "your brain works weirdly"
"whatever, kitty," you roll your eyes light heartedly at him.
facing the great hall again, you take a deep breath as you cast the spell on the great hall, chanting the incantation as you wave your wand.
in a moment, the hall was filled with falling petals of different colours, though they didn't litter the ground messily, simply disappearing when they reached the ground. vines reached out from between the tiled floor, wrapping around table legs and growing bright vibrant flowers of their own. small orbs of light flickered throughout the ceiling, like fairies illuminating the scene.
"wow, it looks amazing, y/n!" one of the professors helping around praised.
"it really does," jungwon says, snaking his arm around your waist, his hand clinging onto your side snuggly.
"thank you," you mumble, as you both look up at the pretty scene in front of you.
soon, night falls and you're running down the staircase with your friends, holding up the ends of your dress to avoid stepping on it.
"careful y/n! or you might trip!" you hear hiyyih call out from behind you.
"she's just excited to see her prince charming," minji laughs, but the three of them are also running, holding up their own dresses.
the doors of the great hall open, revealing the breathtakingly decorated room, some guests already having arrived at the scene.
"wow, this is amazing..." rei gasped, enchanted by the way coloured lights perfectly illuminate the hanging wisteria flowers, and butterflies fluttering throughout the room.
"you seriously outdid yourself. how did you even do this?" hiyyih asked.
"only y/n could make a spell as complicated as this," jungwon's voice says, announcing his presence. "you look good, by the way," he adds when you look at him.
a quick one-over of his look tonight does not do him justice. so you find yourself staring unashamedly at his figure.
the way his waistcoat hugs his figure emphasises his broad shoulders, something you didn't even realise you found attractive until you saw it on him. a red tie lazily tucked into the waistcoat plus the rolled-up sleeves - it all made your mind go haywire.
"you would know, having been subjected to all the spells she's made over the years," hiyyih laughs at the memory.
"didn't know you spent so much time thinking about me, kim," he goaded.
"oh trust me, she def-" you cut rei off by covering her mouth with your gloved hand.
"thanks, jungwon," you say quickly, giving him a smile and pushing your friends away.
"he was flirting with you!" rei loudly whispers into your ear.
"and what do you want me to do about it!" you say, making sure your friends couldn't see the deep blush on your face.
"flirt back!" minji huffs out exasperatedly. "i'm sick and tired of whatever has been going on between you two for years!"
"yes, please just end it tonight! whether you get together or never talk about it again," rei rolls her eyes.
"what?" you stop, looking at them.
"rei's right, although i'd prefer for you to finally get together."
"wait wait wait, what do you mean?"
"are you being for real right now? you two have clearly had a thing for each other this whole time!" rei says like it was obvious. "we've known it for years."
"go get your man!" hiyyih sighs, turning you by your shoulders and pushing you away this time.
you try not to dwell on the thought of your friends betting on your relationship with jungwon, and pretend you never heard a word come out of their mouths.
soon, the headmaster calls for everyone's attention.
"welcome students!" his voice echoes throughout the hall, the music quietening for his speech. "first and foremost, i want to thank this year's head girl and boy for organising such an event for us. give it up for kim y/n and yang jungwon!" he shouts, a spot light highlighting your two figures in the room. you quickly turn to look at jungwon, who looks back at you with a smile, as everyone claps loudly, some even whistling supportively.
"and with that, may the spring ball begin - with the spring dance, kicking off with the head boy and girl leading the first dance," professor si-hyuk ends his speech.
everyone cheers and makes way for you two on the dance floor, which magically raises up in the middle of the hall.
music begins to play as you face the head boy, who inches closer to you every second.
time slows as he places his hand on your hips, guiding your hand to his shoulders. all other noise is drowned out by the sound of your heart, pounding so hard it might come out your chest. you don't see anyone but yang jungwon.
and he's looking at you like he sees no one else but you either.
it's crazy, how you're here, dancing, in the arms of the person who you've hated since 1st year - who motivated you to work hard during all these years.
you think back to your first meeting with him.
you could imagine the sparkles in your eyes as you stare at everything in awe, still in disbelief.
last month, a weirdly-dressed person knocked at your front door, and told your parents that you were a witch.
of course, you hadn't believed her at first, until she pointed her wand at a decorative figurine and made it float upside down. you and your family had been absolutely floored and confused. how could something like that even happen?
last month, the weirdly-dressed lady described to you a world that sounded fictional, of magic and creatures you could never even imagine. she explained why you had all these weird happenings growing up, things that were simply unexplainable.
your world was turned upside down in a few moments, and now you were here, on a train, to a magical school.
of course, you were incredibly sad to be away from your family for the first time in your life, but you were assured that you still had many ways to connect with them. and so, you set off into a new world completely alone, but with a lot of excitement.
you walked around the compartments as the train set off, peering and saying hi to other students.
until, you bumped into a boy who had the prettiest eyes you've ever seen, and the cutest little dimple that had 11-year old you's heart melting.
"be careful and look where you're going," he says nonchalantly.
"i'm so sorry! i was just so excited - i mean, aren't you? could you ever believe magic exists? i won't until i try it for myself!" you ramble enthusiastically.
you trail off when you see him looking at you with a mix of pity and boredom.
"oh, so you're a muggle-born, huh?"
"what do you mean?" you ask confusedly.
"well, whatever you think, i'm not like you. i already know what you just learned, and i already know what you still have to learn," he shrugs, picking at his nails like he ha better things to do than talk to you. "sorry, i think you're going to struggle a little bit here," he simply says, and leaves you alone in the middle of the train corridor.
what the hell? you ask yourself.
snobby rich kids isn't something you thought you'd experience in the wizarding world, but i guess somethings are just universal, huh?
something about the way he looked at you; talked to you like you were below him though - it bugged you.
"i'm gonna struggle?" you ask yourself in disbelief. absolutely not, you didn't want him to be right. you'll make sure of it.
and so, you ran back to your own compartment and pulled out your books, making a resolution to study everything and make sure you knew all the content. you wanted to show whoever that kid is that he's wrong, that you're better than him.
and so, the rest of the long ride and even your first night was spent catching up on what you missed out on, making sure you were prepared for whatever this extraordinary world would throw at you.
and most especially, preparing for whatever trouble the boy, who's name you learned was yang jungwon would give you.
gradually, more people join the dance, but you're so entranced by the boy in your arms, you don't notice how he's whisked you away from the main dance floor.
now towards the side of the room, away from all attention, jungwon looks down at you with all the love in his eyes.
it's overwhelming, you can't escape your emotions anymore. you like jungwon, possibly even more. you feel like all these feelings are about to burst out of you, and jungwon's arms are the only thing keeping you together.
"y/n, i think you still owe me something," he whispered, his face dangerously close to yours.
"and what would that be?" you naturally retort, having developed the instinct to talk back when it came to him.
"don't play with me, please let me kiss you."
"i don't think so." you pause teasingly, trying not to giggle at his pout, his dimple coming out. "let me kiss you," you say, finally leaning in, sealing your lips.
it felt just like the one back in 5th year, but better. jungwon held you impossibly closer by the waist, as if fearing you would run away. but you won't, and you never will. because in his arms, you never felt as safe and comfortable in your own skin as you did then.
you finally part for air, but jungwon's eyes never strayed from your face.
"i lied earlier by the way, when i said you looked good." you raise your eyebrows at him questioningly, before he smiles cheekily at you. "you look like the stars that put me to sleep every night."
"i didn't know you were poetic like that," you laughed lightly, leaning your forehead on his chest. "you look like my boyfriend."
"that's because i am," he says pulling you in for another kiss.
you don't think you'll ever get tired of kissing him. it's an unforgettable moment, and an unforgettable night.
you never knew you were missing something until you met jungwon, and you think you can finally breathe with him next to you (and your friends passing riki 20 galleons each two tables away).
; author's corner! hii this was inspired by all the jily fics i've read over the years (whew i didn't even realise how long i've been reading fanfiction...) LMAO anyways may irls never find out this acc belongs to me bc my realistic self barfed at what i just wrote but my delulu self was kicking and giggling while editing but i hope you enjoyed!
; taglist @wonuslust @enhacatalog @makiswrld @forjungwons @yebin14 @lovelovelovebts @amanda-archives @beomgyusonlywife @bbinwrld@em-asian @enhamysunshines @ahnneyong @jungwonscafe bold couldn't be tagged!
#·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ mi's works#k-labels#yang jungwon#jungwon#jungwon x reader#yang jungwon x reader#jungwon angst#jungwon fluff#enhypen x reader#jungwon imagines#jungwon oneshots#jungwon ff#jungwon hogwarts au#enhypen fic#hogwarts au#enhypen#enhypen jungwon#ੈ♡˳ - in my head
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
WEVERSE CRUSH !
YOUR favorite hobby after a busy schedule is going on weverse and trying to get jungwon’s(your classmates) attention so bad! what happens when it does actually happen? you get excited of course! but what happens when you get a reply from him every day?
OR in which you caught jungwon’s attention with your posts on weverse and now, regardless of his tight schedule and millions of fans who’s trying to get his attention, he’s only searching for your posts every day.
PAIRING idol!jungwon X idol&fan!femreader
GENER fluff , a bit of angst , comfort , type of classmates to lovers(?) but they’re basically strangers on weverse !
WARNINGS vv cringy i think , mentions of stress , awful humor and pick up lines ! (pls lmk if i missed something)
WC 4.9k+ (the longest i’ve written ever!)
NOTE this is to all of the fans that never got noticed by jungwon on weverse but do get a lot of spams💔 n e ways pls like this i worked hard on this☹️🤞🏻
NOT PROOFREAD!!
wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍 : 10:20PM jungwon! i had a busy schedule today but thinking about you always made me feel better🤍
“trying again?” one of your group mates glanced at you staring at your phone, “i’m just sharing how my day was” you shrugged.
“he’s got like millions of posts, you know that too” she chuckled, “instead of being online in your own group’s weverse you’re going online on your fan account”
“i’m online everyday you’re just overreacting” you rolled your eyes.
“why don’t you just talk to him in class? didn’t you say you both were classmates?” she pat your head.
you shook your head, “it’s not that easy, we’re both barely attending to class because of our busy schedule, and we basically stopped talking after a while”
“it’s the only way i can interact with him—at least hope so? idk”
“and what if he does notice you?” she suddenly asked, “what are you going to do then?”
“probably faint”
“you’re acting like a real fan right now”
“what do you mean acting? i am a real fan”
“no you’re not, you’re just crushing over him and don’t know how to properly confess so you’re using this app and hoping to get noticed” your other group mate barged in your conversation.
“i mean, you both are classmates but you’re always so desperate to grab his attention on weverse, what’s the point of that?” she added.
“it kinda like became my usual thing to do, before i log into our weverse i log into enhypen and leave a post there” you shrugged, “it’s one of my favorite things to do”
“you’re hopelessly in love” they both teased you.
“good morning!” you greet your classmates. your schedule was clean for the whole week so you decided were forced to go back to school.
your friends greeted you back and you sat at your desk.
“morning” jungwon mumbled as he entered the class.
it was a rare sight, jungwon’s never usually at school. his schedule is way busier than yours and considering the fact that you show up to school once a month, it was quite surprising to see jungwon’s presence.
“morning” you greeted back and he went to his seat at the corner of the class.
you missed him. you actually did. having a crush is more than just thinking about someone 24/7, it’s also about missing him.
jungwon is your role model, he had always been. being classmates for more than four years together, he helped you getting into the company you wanted and encouraged you to stay until you debut.
you went through all of this because of him and yet, both of you rarely even talk.
jungwon couldn’t quite explain why, perhaps it’s your pretty eyes that he gets lost while staring at them, or was it your smile that always ( no matter when ! ) lights up the world, his world.
he found himself getting all shy and closed up being around you, call it cheesy but jungwon just can’t stop thinking about you and missing you.
he tends to come to school more often these days, some might think he’s just trying to catch up with school, but truth is, he’s searching for you every day, to see you and your smile.
you sat at the front line while jungwon sat at the corner, which makes it easier for him to stare at you without you even noticing.
“should i ask him to eat lunch with us today?” you whispered to your seatmate and she nodded.
“i just don’t know—“ “morning! finally y/n we get to see you!” the teacher got in class and cut you.
after class you gathered all your stuffs quickly but stopped when you felt a figure standing in front of you,
“hey um” you coughed, “jungwon, i’m jungwon-“ he cut you off.
you froze, a bit taken aback, “no i know-“ “oh! oh right” he nodded.
“i was wondering if you’d like to grab some-“
“hey y/n! let’s go to the cafeteria!” your friends called you and you instantly frowned, “i can’t, something urgent came up and i need to go”
they nodded and left, you then turned to jungwon, “what did you want to-“ “it’s okay, never mind about that” he quickly mumbled and left.
wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍 : 11:34PM jungwon! i had school today but i had to leave early today because something urgent came up ): i missed lunch with someone i really adore and im really sad):
“hey jay! check this out” jungwon showed jay his phone. “what’s wrong?” jay asked after reading the post.
“it seems so weird! it happened to me today at school too” he coughed, “with y/n”
“y/n again? you never stop talking about her” niki joined in.
jungwon sighed, “i can’t stop thinking about her, it’s like she’s living in my mind rent free”
jay pat jungwon’s shoulder, he can see how sad is friend is and how difficult things are for him.
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: you’ll always have tomorrow to spend together!
“OH MY GOD” you froze, looking at your phone for a few good minutes until your group mates came in rushing, “ARE YOU OKAY?”
one of them held a pan in her hand, ready to attack any stalker.
“it’s-“ you tried to speak, “it’s-“
“just give me the phone!” another one grabbed your phone and looked through it.
she sighed when she realized what was happening, “really y/n?”
“what is it?”
the curious cats followed her and peeked into her phone, they all sighed when they saw what is this all about.
“i was about to experience a heart attack!! we don’t do those things y/n!”
“no but you don’t understand!”
“yang jungwon just replied to me!” you walked back and forth around the room.
“i need you to sit down and calm down!” the leader held your shoulders and dropped you on the couch, “it happened once and it probably won’t happen again, i’m really happy for you”
“if you don’t get noticed by him at school at least you got noticed by him on weverse”
“BURNNN” they all shout and giggled.
you know they were joking, your groupmates became your family in a blink of an eye. they take a good care of you, and worry about you 24/7, like good old sisters.
but what they like to do the most is to tease you, which you find very annoying, but they just find it really cute.
“i’m definitely going to keep an eye on her” jungwon said to jay who was sitting next to him, “i have no choice but to trust your instincts now” he replied.
“how was your schedule yesterday?” your classmate asked you the next day.
you laid your head on your desk and groaned, “it was pretty tiring most of the time”
they pat your head and let you off, without having any other distractions—you fell asleep.
“morn-” jungwon got into the classroom and noticed your sleeping figure.
he smiled to himself, finding you so cute and adorable with your head all smashed over your desk and your slow breaths that made him think you were choking there for a second.
“what are you looking at?” his friend put his hand over jungwon’s shoulder, “nothing, i was just thinking about something”
“y/n wake up!” you heard someone whispering. you slowly opened your eyes and was welcomed by your friends all gathered around you with a big smile, “what is it?” you uttered.
“someone got you this drink” one of your friends held out your favorite drink, “you slept through all the periods, it’s lunch time already”
you looked at your phone and gasped, “why did no one wake me up?”
“we tried, you just were in deep sleep”
“thank you for the drink, did you happen to see who that was?” you curiously looked at the drink as your friends shrugged, “we all went out to get our lunch”
wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍 : 6:08PM something really weird happened today at school! someone bought me my favorite drink and put it on my desk! do you think i should look for that person?
“look!!” jungwon, who was active on weverse suddenly noticed the post, “it’s the same person from yesterday”
jay sat next to him and peeked at jungwon’s phone, “why? did you buy y/n her favorite drink today without her knowing?” he giggled but stopped when he noticed jungwon started blushing, “you can’t be serious”
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: go search for that person!!
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: i wish you good luck🤍
“AGAIN??” you shout, you sat on the couch with your groupmates and made them all jump when you shout.
“again?” they sighed, “WAIT WHAT?”
you showed them your phone with jungwon’s replies and they all joined you to the shouts.
“you know what they say!” one of them said, “third time a charm!” the rest of you completed the sentence and giggled.
“i’m going to be full honest now,” another one said, “i don’t think there is going to be a third time”
“you never know!”
the next day you got notified that your “schedule-free” week was a complete lie.
“what do you mean i can’t go to school this week? you told me i’m free!” your argued your manager.
“some photoshoots and sponsors came up, i’m sorry it’s like that” she pat your shoulder.
“how am i going to see jungwon again?” you asked your group leader.
if there’s one thing she’s good at, it’s probably to listen and give advices, that’s why you find yourself always laying your head on her lap and venting out your concerns.
“it’s not like you’ve seen him a lot before” she said, “right?”
“no but it was different this time! i was actually ready to talk to him about everything”
“what do you mean everything?”
“i don’t know i—“ you sighed, “my feelings? the way i feel whenever i look at him? everything”
“you do realize that it’d probably be weird to confess to someone you rarely talk to, right?”
“i hate that you’re right” you rolled your eyes, “i was actually ready to befriend him, to get closer to him”
“you’re so boring y/n! you should be more bold!”
“what do you expect me to do?”
“show him that you’re interested in him without being too weird and confessing your feelings” she smirked.
“but how?”
“do you know how to rizz up someone?”
wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍 : 11:39AM jungwon! aside from stealing hearts, what do you do?
“are you serious with me right now? why did you post that!” you shout at your leader who was busy laughing her ass off, “is that what you meant by being bold?”
“that is how you rizz up people now!”
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: do you normally flirt with people so easily?
“OH MY GOD??” you dropped your phone and your friend froze, “don’t tell me he replied” she gasped.
“ALMOST INSTANTLY” you nodded and kneeled to get your now broken phone.
“NO WAY” she laughed, “third time a charm!”
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: but other than stealing hearts i think about you🤍
“slap me right now” you smacked your hand over your forehead, “okay” she slapped you.
“why would you do that?”
“you asked for it!”
on the other side, jungwon was giggling at his phone, staring at it for a few good minutes, that was until heeseung took his phone away.
“hey! give it back” jungwon tried to take his now stolen phone back but heeseung was too strong,
“i saw you smiling at your phone so i thought you were texting someone,” heeseung sighed and returned jungwon’s phone, “but weverse, really?”
jungwon shrugged, “i’m just replying to fans, they’re cute”
heeseung shook his head in return, “it’s not ‘fans’ you’re talking to, it’s only one specific fan you’re replying to”
“i’ve been replying to other fans too”
“that’s what you’d like to think”
heeseung was right, jungwon does only reply to the person he said he’d keep an eye on, which is totally fine, but at what cost?
“fans are starting to think you’re dating that person secretly, you should be careful” heeseung sighed.
“you’re right, that person just interests me” jungwon replied, “i have this weird feeling it might be y/n”
“y/n? why would she be on our weverse page?” heeseung tilt his head, “doesn’t she have her own group’s weverse page to go through?”
“yeah, but some posts of her really reminds me of situations that occurred between us,” jungwon nodded, “look, a few days ago she posted something that was really similar to what happened at school!”
heeseung took jungwon’s phone again to look through the suspicious account, “let’s just keep an eye on this account”
“that’s what i’ve been trying to say!”
wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍 : 11:45AM jungwon i was so surprised when i got a reply from you and dropped my phone💔 it’s broken now!!
“that’s—“ jungwon gasped, “that’s not what i meant to happen with my response”
heeseung just giggled, “i mean who wouldn’t be surprised to get a reply from their favorite idol?”
jungwon nodded and slowly tapped his reply.
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: haha i’d be surprised if i were you too!!
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: how will i ever be able to repay you?
“now it just feels like he’s flirting back with me” you chuckled.
“you caught jungwon’s attention y/n!” your leader giggled, “notice how he’s always replying to you almost instantly? it’s as if he’s waiting to see your posts”
you shook your hand, “no way! why would jungwon wait for me to be online?”
“that my friend,” she put her hand on your shoulder, “is up to you to figure that out”
the next day you begged your manager to cancel your schedule, with the excuse of, “i have exams coming up and i need to catch up, do you want to see me fail?”
and it actually worked!
today you’re going to see jungwon and talk to him, no matter what!
you arrived at school and sat by your usual seat, putting your broken phone on the desk and laying your head over your hands next to it.
you slowly drifted to sleep, school is too boring on the morning anyway!
as jungwon entered the class he first looked over your direction, of course he would.
he smiled to himself, he always does when he looks at you.
he then noticed your phone that was right next to you, it was smashed and broken, as if it was dropped.
jungwon gasped, he opened his phone and entered weverse, searching the account he’s been keeping an eye on, and that was it.
a dropped and now broken phone, it’s a match!
he took a picture of your broken phone and went back to his seat to text his members about the shocking news.
‘it’s definitely her’ he sent the text and added the picture of your broken phone.
‘i don’t think so, just because of a broken phone?’ jay responded.
‘yes! she said yesterday that her phone was dropped and got broken’ jungwon replied.
‘it might be a coincidence’ heeseung claimed.
jungwon was about to text them back but had to turn off the phone once the teacher entered the class.
first break of the day was a good opportunity to talk to jungwon. you woke up in the middle of the second period and thought about ways to approach him.
you searched for him in the class, eyes scanning every place until you landed on his seat, of course, that’s how he usually spends his first break. in his usual seat, with a snack in one hand and in the other he’s holding his phone and scrolling through social media.
you got up, suddenly feeling bold enough to make steps towards his seat.
“hey jungwon” you let out.
he froze for a second, then turning off his phone and putting away his snack, “oh, hey y/n”
“heyyyyy” you said again.
“hey?” he questioned.
“uhm” you coughed, “sorry”
“it’s okay, is there something wrong?”
“no no!” you shook your hand, “i was just wondering”
you was about to continue but your phone buzzed, you got a notification.
“your phone’s broken” he pointed out.
shit, you thought. “yeah” you giggled, “i uh—“
“i dropped it after my members decided to pull a scary prank on me” good one.
he nodded and chuckled, “so?”
“so,” you cleared your throat, “i was wondering if you’d like to start over again”
finally!! you cheered.
“i mean, you’ve helped me a lot through my trainee days and encouraged me to achieve my dreams but we stopped talking after i debuted and i really feel like—“ you spoke too fast and jungwon cut you off, “i’d really like that”
“really?” you asked and he nodded, “really”
wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍 : 8:50PM i asked my crush if he’d like to get to know each other again today!! he’s a person that really helped me through tough times and always encouraged me! we were good friends back then but stopped talking after a while, i really thought he was angry at me for some reason, but i couldn’t stop having feelings for him, so i made the first step today and he actually agreed!! im so happy!!
“you did WHAT?” your group leader asked you.
“i did it, i asked if he’d like to get to know each other aga-“
“oh im so proud of you my child” she hugged you tightly and pecked your forehead, “you’re all grown up now”
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: well,
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: i’m sure he wasn’t angry with you at all!
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: im happy that you two are starting all over again, who knows, maybe he feels the same about you ;)
“got you y/n” jungwon giggled.
“why don’t you just talk with her about it?” jake put his hand over jungwon’s shoulders as he stared at his phone.
“it’s difficult” jungwon frowned, “do i just go like ‘oh hey! i know you have a weverse account and i know your user, i have feelings for you too so let’s date’?”
“yeah!” jake nodded and jungwon groaned, “you’re no help”
“so? tell us everything” your members sat you on the couch while they surrounded you with some curious eyes.
“about?”
“about what happened at school!”
“i went to jungwon, asked him if he’d like to start over again, he said he’d love to, so we went together to get some lunch and talked about everything we missed, it was real fun honestly really recommend you to do that too—“
“did you confess, or not” they all asked.
“no why would i confess so soon”
they all sighed, “no drama, no fun!”
you rolled your eyes, “can we at least eat something now?”
wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍 : 9:27PM i don’t think he feels the same, but it was really fun to spend the day together with him, his company has always made me feel warm and comfortable.
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: im more than happy to hear that! first breaks are always so fun when you spend them with a person you like ^-^
you tilt your head in confusion, showing your phone to your members, “look at that”
they all read your post and his reply, “what’s so weird about it?”
“i never said i spent the first break together with him”
“DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS?” you freaked out, “OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD” you held your head, moving back and forth around the room.
“y/n calm down!!” your leader said, “maybe he just assumed it was the first break since it’s the first time of the day you get to spend with other people!”
“you’re right,” you breathed in, calming yourself down, “thank you”
next day you went back in track, your manager told you the next time you’d be showing up to school would be only on exams and maybe next month.
your schedule became busier than before, you barely had time to breath. going back and forth, from a phothshoot to an interview then practice and more.
you were drained and overworked, your phone hasn’t been touched ever since the last day you showed up at school, which means—you haven’t showed up on weverse a few weeks already.
you’d see jungwon only when you arrive to school to take exams, but then disappear right away after you finish them.
“waiting for a new update again?” sunghoon asked jungwon who was staring at his phone and refreshing the page every minute, “yeah” he replied.
“she’s always online around these hours” he added.
“have you seen her at school?” sunghoon asked, jungwon froze for a second, thinking about the last time you showed up at school, “only when there’s an exam we need to take”
“maybe she’s just having a busy schedule,” sunghoon shrugged, “you’re barely online when you have a tight schedule”
“right” jungwon nodded, “but i wonder if she’s doing well” he sighed and closed his phone.
the past days has been awful to you. you slowly felt yourself vanishing, like a lifeless soul walking around.
your groupmates always looks after you worriedly, you’d barely even talk to anyone.
“y/n what about eating something?” your leader asked you, “no i’m okay, i ate just a few minutes ago” you smiled.
that was a total lie, you simply didn’t feel like eating lately.
slowly but surely you stared at your phone, five minutes won’t hurt, right?
wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍 : 12:57PM haven’t been active lately and i miss being here and interacting with you jungwon! i don’t think i’ll be able to be active again so i’m here to say that you should take good care of yourself, eat your meals in time and rest when you need to.🤍 your health always comes first!!
you sighed and turned off your phone.
jungwon, who was busy staring at his phone and waiting for a new update suddenly jumped in his chair.
“finally”
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: im sorry to hear that, is everything okay?
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: i’ll make sure to take care of myself as long as you take care of yourself too 🤍
he replied immediately, as if he’s the one getting a notification from you each time you post something—when it’s supposed to be the opposite.
“jungwon we’ve recently found out that you’re suffering from that illness,” niki pat jungwon’s head,
“what is it?”
“the ‘weverse crush’ illness” niki laughed and jungwon sighed.
“you can’t stop refreshing the page to see a new post from her!” jay claimed, “and you’re replying so fast whenever she does post something” jake added.
“you should just get her phone number and text her” heeseung shrugged.
“but im not sure it’s her” jungwon turned off his phone.
“all clues points at her, it’s worth a shot” sunghoon nodded.
the next day you were forced to go back to school, your school principal complained about the fact that you’ve been missing most of your classes and nearly failing in all of them.
so it’s settled, you’ll be going to school for a month sharp, without any useless inconveniences.
first day of school after a while of not being there felt like a nightmare.
you looked at the school building with horror, yet, you felt a bit excited to see jungwon again.
you took your usual seat, put your earphones in and listened to your favorite song.
when jungwon entered the class, he was surprised to see you sitting there and staring at one point of the class.
he knocked on your desk and you zoomed out, “oh, hey” you smiled weakly.
something definitely happened while you were gone, “hey, it’s good to see you again”
the teacher entered the class right away and jungwon ran to his seat.
at lunch, you stayed in your desk, excusing yourself from your friends and going back to your books to read and study.
jungwon frowned, he has to do something about it.
he went to the cafeteria and got your favorite snack, he knows it’s your favorite, he remembers.
you were so focused on your study book to notice jungwon’s figure next to you.
“knock knock?” he questioned and you looked at him, making eye contact for a few seconds before looking away.
“hey again” you closed your book and focused on him.
“i got it for you” he handed you your favorite snack with a wide grin on his face.
“thank you”
silence. it was so quiet that you could even hear the birds outside.
“is everything okay?” he suddenly asked.
“huh?”
“oh yes, everything’s amazing” you smiled.
“we both know you’re lying”
turns out you were a bad liar after all.
“i’m not going to force you to speak,” he pat your shoulder, “but i’m here for you”
those words, were enough to break you down.
you felt comfort around him, you felt everything you feel around someone you’re in love with, you felt warm, welcomed and understood.
so you told him everything, from A to Z.
jungwon is known as his group’s no.1 comforter, and he’s now your personal no.1 comforter as well.
he knew the exact words to say to you and how to make you feel better.
right when you finished crying he told you a joke, and now you were shedding tears out of laughter.
“thank you” you looked at him with comfort.
“anytime” he chuckled and stole your snack, “you’re not crying anymore so i’ll just take that and save it for myself”
you rolled your eyes and kept messing around until it was time for another class.
wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍 : 8:30PM i had the best day ever today! i saw my favorite person ever at school today, after a long time i haven’t been able to see him! i also cried in front of him (was so embarrassing) but he comforted me so well, i think i’m falling in love all over again.
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: see!! lunch time can be so fun when you’re with a person you like too!!
↳ 여의도 홍보캣 replied to wonie’s bff (REAL!)🤍: i hope you’ll be able to spend more time together in the future!!
“he definitely knows” you freaked out.
“even if he does,” your leader clapped, “what’s so wrong about it?”
“what if he doesn’t like me back?”
“he does”
“how do you know that?”
“because i just do!” she sighed, “otherwise he wouldn’t reply to you so instantly as if he waits for your posts every day”
“you’re right” you nodded.
“but what if he does it just so he could laugh at me with his members?”
“not a chance” she groaned, “stop overthinking so much and just talk to him about it!”
“so um,” the next day, you dragged jungwon out of the classroom as soon as he entered.
you had to talk about it before the rest of the day continues.
“you have weverse right…?” you suddenly asked, “oh my god that was so stupid of me of course you do you’re an idol and—“
“i know it’s you” he cut you off.
“what?”
“isn’t that what you wanted to ask me?” he tilt his head, “i know it’s you” he repeated.
“and,” you wanted to continue but couldn’t find the words.
“i like you too” he suddenly confessed.
“wha—“
you were about to respond but he cut you off with a peck on your lips, “i said i like you too”
you looked at him, making eye contact for a few good minutes, both of your cheeks are now as red as a tomato,
and as you looked at his pretty face, you could notice how red his ears became.
“for how long?” you asked,
“ever since we started talking” he smiled, “your pretty smile, your beautiful eyes and breathtaking smile, everything about you just made me think about you all day”
“then why—“ “i couldn’t talk to you after you debuted, i was so scared it might hurt your image, and i couldn’t always find the right words to talk to you,” he looked down,
“i didn’t want to look like a loser in front of you” he kicked the air like a little child.
“jungwon” you smiled, “looking like a loser isn’t something to be ashamed of” you giggled.
“i like you, in any form or any shape or whatever!” you joked and hugged him tightly.
“would you like to go on a date with me today right after school?” he suddenly asked.
“so bold of you” you teased, pecking the tip of his nose, “but yes, i’d love to go on a date with you”
“can i finally call you mine?” he held your hand.
“of course” you pecked his lips,
“don’t get confused when you’re replying to me on weverse!”
••• copyright © srjlvr all rights are reserved.
#enhypen imagines#enhypen drabbles#enhypen#enhypen scenarios#enhypen fluff#enhypen headcanons#enhypen oneshots#enhypen x reader#jungwon x reader#jungwon imagines#enhypen jungwon#jungwon scenarios#jungwon fluff#jungwon drabbles#yang jungwon#jungwon oneshots#jungwon angst
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
then because she goes ☁️ yang jungwon
pairing : idol!jungwon x gn!reader
genre : angst, some comfort
warnings : cursing, one violent thought
word count : 0.8k
a/n : just read wuthering heights so here comes the brontë-infused angst !!
“—because you’re never home when you say you’ll be, and it’s actually— you— how much of an asshole do you have to be to think you can take me out on the one night i don’t want to? when i’ve cleared out my schedule in the evenings for months to be with you? this is the night you choose, and i have to go along with it?? that’s pretty fucking amazing, won. pretty fucking insane.”
jungwon kept quiet as your voice raised, aware that you were absolutely right. if he had really seen you as a priority, he could’ve worked quicker through a practice or left a team dinner early to get to you sooner. he wasn’t sure how he’d ever looked at that heavenly face — this heavenly face — and thought to pass up on it. and he certainly had no words of justification now, you staring daggers at him with heartbroken eyes. they took his breath away.
“i’m so sorry,” he said slowly, ready to be cut off at every next syllable. “i know i’ve been terrible these past few months. i’ve been meaning to make it up to you, really. i just—” he glanced at the clock. 8:14. was it worth saying? “i got a reservation at your favorite place, i thought you’d want—”
“you must not know me at all.” could a gaze pierce any harder?
jungwon attempted not to appear hurt. “i know your favorite restaurant,” he offered, half-playfully.
you shook your head. “you don’t know me. you don’t know how to listen.” you looked up at him forlornly. “i just told you i have no intention of leaving the house with you right now. didn’t you hear me? don’t you… ugh, can’t you…” you searched blindly for the right words. “can’t you just let me have my way for once?”
as soon as the question left your lips, you felt so hopelessly like a child that your whole body seemed to physically contract, surrendering its capacity to keep tears in. you were choking up.
jungwon took a step forward, some vague motion of aid, but you couldn’t bear to fall apart in front of him — the last thing you wanted was his assistance, him treating you like something small, something solvable. with a sharp pivot, you ran hastily into the bathroom and shut your boyfriend out. as soon as you did, your knees gave in and your body sank to the tiles, back pressed against the door.
when he came to knock, softly, desperately, you could feel the thumps through the wood.
“baby?” he sounded so gentle, it sent shivers down your spine. “can i— can i come in?” silence. “please?” silence. “if you want to be alone, i’ll go, but— i promise i won’t say a word.”
silence; then sobs, from your side of the door, so quiet they could’ve been gulps. jungwon winced, leaning back for a moment to tune out the weeping — otherwise, he knew he, too, would crumble in two seconds.
“darling,” he resumed after a pause, voice thin, practically begging: “please, please don’t cry. please, darling, y— love, you’re killing me. please. i love you. and i’m sorry. i’m so, so sorry. please.”
the bathroom grew hauntingly quiet. something in jungwon’s gut told him that any minute now, when he least expected it, you’d smash the door in his face and leave him bleeding there as long as one ethically could. not because that was your nature — obviously it wasn’t — but the noiselessness was terrifying, and at this point, he sincerely felt that he deserved nothing better for making you cry, if for nothing else.
an anxious eternity passed before the door cracked open, and jungwon could finally talk to you, face to tear-streaked face. only, everything he had planned to say deflated immediately at the sight of you.
you broke the silence this time. “i think we missed dinner.”
jungwon stared back at you, unable to control the pout taking shape on his lips and the tears welling in his eyes. “i missed you.” he shook his head, trying again: “i missed you.”
you brushed away his tears gingerly with your thumb, taking his whole body in your arms. it was the most natural thing you felt yourself doing all evening. “baby, i was right here,” you whispered, as if you needed to confirm your closeness through words, too.
“i know,” he sighed, “but you were gone forever. almost.”
“mm. something to consider next time you tell me you’re coming home at 7 and come at 7 in the morning.”
jungwon nodded firmly, taking your hands in his. “there won’t be a next time like that. promise.”
your silence sanctioned his resolve — no words were needed to confirm how you trusted jungwon to keep his promises.
#wonwayne#enhypen#enhypen fic#enhypen x reader#enhypen angst#enhypen scenarios#enhypen imagines#enhypen drabbles#yang jungwon#jungwon#jungwon fic#jungwon x reader#jungwon angst#jungwon scenarios#jungwon imagines#jungwon drabbles#i feel like everything i write just ends in a hug :(
577 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hehe imma send multiple
Maybe something like bf Jungwon & y/n being shy w skin ship but like both of y’all are clingy idk how to explain it
HOLD ME TIGHT
a/n: why is this me. like I am clingy but I am so shy on skinship and plus I constantly overthink things😪 also so sorry if this was bad 😭
both you and jungwon were currently at a cat cafe. since, you wanted to play around with the cats. jungwon nuzzles his nose right on the kitten in his hands. He smiles and continues to do so over and over again as the kitten attempts to lick his nose. All of this happening right in front of you and you can’t help but feel a little sad.
well the better term would be jealousy. as you could say since the kitten was pretty much getting his attention way more than you. you were just a witness to the cute action that was happening in front of you. you craved for this type of cute affection with jungwon. however, you weren't that brave to voice out your own thoughts.
while other couples in public could easily display affection, you can't help but get shy over it. it made you feel disappointed in yourself. why couldn't you over come this awkward feeling. you had a boyfriend that was probably more than ready to give you affection you craved but you always hesitated to do so.
"(name), look. this kitten keeps meowing back whenever i meow." jungwon calls out, seemingly pulling you out of your small bubble of thoughts.
he meows and the kitten meows back. he laughs before pecking the kitten's small head. oh how adorable he was. you didn't understand his cute little tangents he liked to go on whenever you two hang out. sometimes, you even wondered if he was a cat. he seemed so...cat-like and playful.
you opened your mouth to say something but nothing really comes out, it was like the words that you wanted to express to him were not coming out. "jungwon?"
he hums, "yes, baby?" he continues to give the kitten a little more attention but stops a to look up at you.
"i- nevermind." he could sense the slight hesitation in your voice and so he carefully puts the kitten down.
"is there something wrong?"
"it's nothing. just something stupid." you brushed it off but jungwon goes to hold your hand which he rarely does since he too was shy with skinship. this was a big step that jungwon took and it was completely out of concern and love.
"tell me, i want to know whenever you're struggling." he lightly squeezes your hand. his adorable cat-like eyes staring into yours.
"i- can we cuddle?" you hesitantly voiced out.
"of course, we're dating. why can't we do that?"
"i know but...i'm scared that you might not want to cuddle. besides, we are still early in our relationship." you pout.
jungwon tilts his head. "are you kidding me? of course i do. you're my girlfriend. i wanna cuddle with you."
"what if you don't like it?"
jungwon playfully scoffs, "how could i hate anything about you? you're just saying random things now." he gets closer to your face. "i like everything about you. now, will you let me be your first ever official cuddle buddy?"
you nod and so jungwon goes to wrap his arms around you. you laid your head against his chest as the multiple cats were lazing around the both of you. jungwon's heart beats were calming. it actually made you sleepy. you could feel jungwon leave a small little peck on your forehead. just a light one.
"we should back to your home. you look tired." jungwon whispers.
"mmm, we should." you tiredly mumbled.
and so you and jungwon went back to your apartment.
"we're taking steps to our relationship. i'm proud of you for voicing out what you want to do." jungwon says.
"i tried to. i don't know if i'll be ready to fully voice out. after all, you are my first boyfriend and the only person i've done some sort of affection."
"don't worry, if you can't do it. i'll initiate it first. i tried my best today too. i'm not that great at showing affection too." jungwon admits.
"really?"
he hums, "yeah, i usually some sort don't do affection. you can ask the hyungs. they probably can tell you about it."
you blushed. "so this is a first time for you too?"
"yup. honestly, i think i'll do my best. i wanna see you blush and get flustered more often. it's cute." you groaned at jungwon's words. "that blush is reserved only for me, right?"
"yes." you looked away from him. jungwon laughs.
"good. now, let's get you to sleep. my little princess."
my little princess...
you liked the ring to it. jungwon's little princess. you couldn't wait to see how the next few months and even years would go with him.
#i didn't know how to end this off T_T#so sorry#enhypen#enhypen imagines#enhypen imagine#enhypen angst#enhypen fluff#enhypen x reader#enhypen x reader imagines#jungwon#jungwon imagines#jungwon imagine#jungwon angst#jungwon fluff#jungwon x reader#yang jungwon#yang jungwon imagines#yang jungwon imagine#yang jungwon angst#yang jungwon fluff#yang jungwon x reader
342 notes
·
View notes
Text
DEAR DIARY, I HATE JUNGWON !
SUMMARY | you hate jungwon- like a lot. everyone at your school knows it at this point, so why is it the minute you see him shed a tear, you feel bad? with this new found guilt, you're able to see new sides of jungwon that your anger blinded you from before. it doesn't take you long to realise that you don't hate these new sides of him as much as you'd like to.
PAIRING | jungwon x fem!reader
WC | 18.2k
WARNINGS | profanity, violence, vandalism, mentions of alcohol & sex
FEATURING | second lead sunghoon, heeseung is mentioned & ITZY
TAGLIST | unofficial taglist i just need the hype pls @tyunni @geombyu @yjwfav @junityy @jaeyunverse @ijhyo @equalheart @odxrilove @iyeonjuni @fairybinie
A/N | before u come at me for plagairising I AM HYUKAAS OKAY THIS IS MY FIC AHAHA IT'S A REPOST initially i was going to rewrite this but u all loved the og version so i'm going to give u the og version i literally have not changed a word. u guys gave this a lot of love on my old acc so i hope u enjoy :)
-
you: wtf
jung_1: ?
you: chemistry club??? really?
jung_1: i wanted the piano club
you: so what? me going isn't going to stop u
jung_1: u think i wanna see your face every day after school?
class is enough smh
you: so u signed me up for chem?
jung_1: it was the only one left lol
you: stfu
jung_1: k lol
From what you can remember, Jungwon hasn't always been like this. You've tried to sit down and pinpoint a date back to when this all started, but the best you could come up with was when he blew out your candle at your eleventh birthday party. That was the first and last time you had ever invited him over to your house.
The two of you are neighbours, and yet you've never had a single decent conversation with the guy in your entire life. Ever since the two of you were little, Jungwon always found a way to laugh at you, talk shit about you or do something to purposely annoy you. Your friends always warned you not to do anything back, that he was only doing it to draw out a reaction, but it was so hard not to whenever you saw his stupid face. The fact that he's so popular in school doesn't help either. Whenever you complain about him to anyone, you're always met with the same thing: "But he's so nice to me." "He's not like that with me." "You must have done something to upset him, Jungwon is the sweetest."
Yeah, sweetest pain in your ass. There is literally nothing about him that you like. It's clear to everyone that you hate Jungwon.
-
Sitting on your chair, you rest your chin on your palm as you stare at the whiteboard. You're fuming, to say the very least. Written on the board are everyone's names under the club they'd be joining as soon as the bell rings. Yours is supposed to be under piano club but instead it's under chemistry with only one other person who signed up. You barely even know who he is.
"Who's Sunghoon?" Your friend, Yuna, whispers.
You recognise the name (being in the same school for 3 years, it would be kind of rude not to) but you don’t really know who he is. “I think it’s the guy that ice skates.”
"He's so cute," Yuna gawks, "you're lucky you're gonna be alone with him for the rest of the year."
You scrunch your face at your friend, before letting out a long sigh. "Yeah, doing chemistry." Fuck Jungwon, signing you up for a club that you're already failing in class, just so he can go to piano. You purposefully ran to the piano club stand so that you could sign it before him, but that asshole must have rubbed out your name and written his instead. As much as you despise him, you have to admit that was a clever thing to do.
Yuna slaps you lightly, "Maybe you can get him to tutor you for free. I heard he gets people to pay him ₩75,000 per hour."
"No, I'm pretty sure the point of chemistry club is to have fun. He's probably gonna be a nerd the entire time," you grumble into your palm, already miserable about the hours and hours you're going to have to spend with a science nerd. There must have been dozens of clubs with spaces still available; Jungwon could have picked another music club, a sports club, literature, art, history, debate, politics, or even maths for God's sake. But the boy chose chemistry. He knows that you're failing all three of your sciences, so not only did he remove you from your favourite club, he put you into your worst enemy—second to Jungwon. God, did you want to pull out his stupid black hair right then.
“You’re not going to let him win this one, are you?” Yuna deadpans, probably bored from your endless war with Jungwon. You don’t blame her, if the tables were turned, you’d probably say the same things she does. “Just leave it.” “If you ignore him he’ll stop.” “Be the bigger person.” Blah blah blah. It would be humiliating to let Jungwon get away with anything. You can’t even imagine it, coming into school everyday and hearing him laugh at you as if he has the upper hand. You would never ever let that happen, not even over your dead body.
Brushing your hair out of your face, you chuckle breathlessly. “As if.” There is absolutely no way in hell that you would let Jungwon get away with ruining your after school club for the rest of the year. You had to come up with something big, something that would make him suffer just as much—no, more—for the whole year, too.
-
Sadly, you didn't have enough time to come up with a plan.
"Okay, so why is a fluoride ion bigger than a sodium ion?"
You groan loudly, whacking your head against the table for what feels like the fiftieth time. You've been in this room for ten minutes with Sunghoon, and he's already managed to make it boring as hell. Optimistic, you came into this room hoping that Sunghoon would come up with some cool science-y project for the two of you to do. Instead, his idea of fun is extra homework. The guy seriously brought question packs for you two to do for a whole hour.
What a joke.
"Sunghoon, why are you asking me like I know?"
He gives you a judgemental look, and at this point you're too bored to care about how stupid he thinks you are. You should be practising the piano and making keyboard remixes on the iMacs, not memorising the periodic table with a nerd.
"Come on," he breaks into a nervous giggle, "this is like, the third question. We haven't even gotten to the hard part yet."
No. There's no way he's taking this club seriously. Dramatically, you push back your chair and glare at him. "You know what, I'm going to go get something to drink. You answer some questions while I'm gone, yeah?" You fake smile at him, unable to look at his nerdy face any longer. God, you hate science kids.
Skipping out of the classroom, you make your way to the vending machine. You need a warm drink to calm your stress down but the cafeteria is too far away so a bottle of apple juice should do. Anything that gives you an excuse to stay away from Sunghoon so that you can focus on your plan to get your revenge on–
"Oh, Y/N! What a coincidence!"
There it is, that dreaded, child-like voice you've grown to hate. Turning around, you're met with his half closed eyes and grin so upturned you can see his baby teeth. If you weren't in the middle of paying for your drink you would have slapped that smirk right off his face. Okay, maybe not, but it's really pissing you off.
"Yeah right, you probably came here to laugh at me." You grumble, fumbling with the vending machine that's choosing not to be on your side today.
He smiles again, shoving his hands in his pockets and shrugging like the oh so innocent boy he is. "I just wanted to check up on how you're doing in your new club. I understand, Y/N," he puts a hand on his chest, pouting, "I really do. Chemistry isn't for everyone."
You whip your head at him immediately, causing him to snort into his hand and break into a laughter that echoes in the empty hallway. "Wow, Jungwon, you're so funny. Don't think for a second that I'm going to let you get away with this."
He comes closer and leans his elbow on the machine so that his head is right above yours, his eyes locking right onto you. Every time he gets close, you're reminded of when Yuna tells you to take a good look at him to see what all the girls in your school sees. But all you can see is an arrogant, stuck up piece of shit—his only entertainment being getting on your nerves. You can see why someone would find him attractive. But his personality is so strong that it practically covers all of his charm to you.
"Admit it," he laughs, "you can't beat me this time. This is one of the best things I've done, I'm kinda' proud of this one. I mean, nothing beats the–"
"Shut up, I am going to beat you. As soon as school's over, I'm coming up with something." You scowl, punching the vending machine so that it will let your bottle fall.
Jungwon coos at you, finding this whole situation amusing. "Aw, is it that hard that it's taking up all your brain space?" He asks in a baby voice. "You can't think of a plan better than mine because you're so busy trying to figure out what O stands for?"
Too focused on the stupid machine, you ignore the menacing voice coming from your left. You've smacked it, shaken it, kicked it, you're not really sure what else there is to do.
Jungwon pushes you out of the way and resets your order, making your jaw drop as you see your bottle that was so close to falling go back to its spot. You shove him back, annoyed that he thinks he can do whatever he wants just because he's stronger than you. "Hey, that was–"
Jungwon sighs dramatically, before bringing out his wallet from his pocket and pulling out a credit card.
"Show off." You mumble, crossing your arms as you watch him dial his order.
"The machine clearly doesn't like you." He smirks, as his coke falls immediately.
You try to hold back how shocked you are, and the urge to ask him to order for you. But with the way Jungwon snickers at you, you can tell he already knows. It isn't like he's going to order for you anyway.
And you're right, because here he is, popping open his can and sipping it right in front of you. He's acting like he's in a commercial for the drink, all just to wind you up. But you can't let him win, you'll never let him win. So you stay, and watch him drink until the last drop and walk away slowly.
Absolute pain in your ass.
Dear diary,
I hate Jungwon.
You're starting to get sick of starting all your diary entries with the same thing. Jungwon isn't even here; you're in your room, alone. There's nothing to remind you of him. Yet every night, you sit at your desk and scribble in your diary. And every night, you start off each entry reminding you that you hate him.
You flip through your diary entries of the past few weeks, and they're all starting to blur together. Each entry is almost as similar as the last. It's all the same thing—you hate Jungwon. You see him in the morning of school, your mood changes. You're reminded of him in your chemistry club, you get angry. You walk behind him on the way home from school, the two of you are arguing.
When the hell is this going to end?
To be honest, thinking about this is just making you hate him even more. The worst thing about this is that you can't even walk it off like you usually do at school. You're used to pacing the school corridors or the track field whenever he makes you really mad. But outside of school, you always meet him. It's either him, or his annoying and inappropriate older friends, or his evil dog. You'd rather rot in your room than risk having to waste your energy fighting with him, or running away from his dog, or pulling your skirt down from his friends.
You're trapped. He gets to enjoy his life while you're trapped at home, writing “I hate Jungwon” in your diary every single day. The power this guy holds over you is huge, and you just can't wait to move out to college to finally get rid of him.
Walking down the hallway, you bump into your chemistry partner of the past two weeks. To be honest, you don’t think you’ve ever seen this boy outside of the chemistry club, so seeing him now, walking tall, hands in his pockets and a lot of other students around him was quite a shock. You really thought he was nothing more than a nerd.
As soon as Sunghoon lays his eyes on you, he smiles widely and you can’t help the way your heart flutters a little at that. Did Jungwon really make you so angry about chemistry that you never noticed how good looking Sunghoon is? Or are you just that bad at it that you had no time to focus on Sunghoon’s looks? As he walks away from his friends and towards you, you gulp, brushing down your hair and skirt with your palms that are starting to sweat. You see this guy every single evening, what difference is it now?
“Hi Y/N,” he smiles, one hand sitting attractively in his pocket and another rubbing the back of his neck.
“Hi,” you reply, but your voice comes out as barely a whisper. You’re a little frightened at how shy you are in front of Sunghoon right now, when you were literally cursing him off in your head yesterday because he laughed at you for not knowing an equation.
He chuckles, and you swear your heart flips at the way his eyes crease when he does. “You know, I was starting to think that you didn’t even go to this school. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around.”
Well, at least the feeling is mutual. “Yeah, me neither. I didn’t realise you’re kinda popular.” You say as you eye his large group of friends that are all waiting for him. “It must be the ice skating, right?” You joke, mentally slapping yourself for being rude.
Sunghoon laughs anyway, and he leans forward when does, making your heart nearly jump out of your chest. “Yeah, either that or my brain.”
“Nerd.” You playfully roll your eyes, finally being able to mix together the Sunghoon that gets all excited when he’s got a hard question right, and the Sunghoon that’s standing in front of you right now.
A voice interrupts the two of you. He always does. Whenever you manage to find a little bit of peace at school, Yang Jungwon always finds a way to ruin it. You’re so close to getting him charged for stalking at this point. Both you and Sunghoon turn around to see who was clearing their throat, and you almost growl when you do.
“What do you want?” You snap, not giving him the time of day.
Jungwon tilts his head with an offended look on his face and a hand on his heart like he always does. “That’s rude, Y/N, I was just–”
“She said what do you want.” Sunghoon deadpans beside you out of nowhere.
Jungwon furrows his brows, as do you. Nobody has ever come between the two of you bickering before, this was new to the both of you. You decided to stay quiet and see what Jungwon would say, a little nervous at how this might all play out.
“What?” Jungwon chuckles, jutting out his chin to make himself appear taller. The two are practically the same height, but something about Sunghoon’s figure makes him seem so much taller than Jungwon. Are you about to witness an alpha brawl out?
Sunghoon doesn’t move, you don’t even think he’s breathing right now. His eyes are trained on Jungwon’s with a glare so intense even you’re a little scared. “Is there something you need to say to Y/N?”
Jungwon’s brows remain furrowed as his eyes narrow and an annoyed look spreads across his face. How ironic, he’s starting to look like you. You don’t think you’ve seen Jungwon this physically frustrated since the time his bike broke when he was thirteen and he tried to kick it but ended up spraining his ankle. He always looks amused. No matter the situation, Jungwon always has a smile on his face. Seeing him like this—threatened—caught you a little off guard.
“I can say whatever the hell I want to her, pretty boy.” He muttered, his face inches away from Sunghoon’s.
Someone behind you whispers something about their sexual tension, almost making you snort at the scene. You have to purse your lips together to stop yourself from laughing, because now you can’t unsee it.
“Well, too bad we have somewhere to be, don’t we, Y/N?” Sunghoon turns to you, and all of a sudden you can feel everyone’s eyes focusing on you.
You giggle awkwardly, before making eye contact with Jungwon. He’s never glared at you like this before, and for the first time you can think of, you feel small in front of him. “Uh, yeah, we should, uh, get going.”
Sunghoon grins at Jungwon as soon as you speak, and barges past his shoulder aggressively before pulling you by your wrist to go and follow him. For some reason, though, you can’t help but turn around to see Jungwon standing there, already looking right at you.
-
“Sooo,” you sit on a desk as Sunghoon closes the door to the empty classroom the two of you are hiding in behind him, “you gonna’ explain what just happened?”
Sunghoon leans on the desk right in front of you and looks at you blankly, like what just happened didn’t happen at all. “What? You didn’t like it?”
“Like what? Jungwon’s probably going to be so mad because of this.” It’s true, the bike incident when he was thirteen led to him being extra rude for the whole time he was injured. You figure this time it’s his pride that’s hurt, so he’s going to lash out at you until he makes himself feel better. You haven’t even gotten back at him yet for the chemistry club situation, so you really don’t want to be dealing with a moody Jungwon; you’re scared of how creative he’s going to be.
Out of nowhere, Sunghoon lets out a dramatic groan, throwing his head back in vexation as he does. “Come on, Y/N, aren’t you bored of it?”
Confused, you answer. “Of what?”
“This whole cat and mouse deal you have going on with Jungwon? I remember being in the same class as you in our freshman year of high school, and everyone in the class was sick and tired of you two bickering everyday. I thought it’d blow over eventually. How are you still letting this go on?”
You open your mouth to respond but nothing comes out. Of course you’re tired of it. Of course you want it to end. Of course you want nothing to do with Jungwon and you want a peaceful last year of school to focus on your exams and college. Of course you want to be able to hang out with your friends without thinking about Jungwon. Of course you want to write in your diary without mentioning him. Of course you’re sick of this all. But how the hell are you supposed to end it? You hate his guts and he hates yours. His pride may be thick but yours is definitely thicker.
This situation reminds you of the time you did try to be nice to Jungwon once, with the hopes all of this mess would end.
Your mum just got off the phone and suddenly bursted her way into the kitchen. A little startled at her fast movements, you followed her and sat on the counter. “Mum? What’s wrong?” Panicking, she gathered different ingredients and kitchenware to cook something, and you couldn’t be any more confused. “Mum! What’s going on?”
“The Yang family,” she started, already mixing away two eggs, “their son is sick. This is the only time she has ever asked me to do anything, Y/N. That family has looked down on us ever since we moved here, and not once has Mrs Yang ever asked for help. But she’s away, and her boy is at home sick without anyone to feed him. If I don’t make a good impression on that snobby little boy, they’ll think we’re incapable and cruel human beings. I have–”
“Okay, okay,” you laughed, not really thinking much of it. As far as you could care, Jungwon could starve. “As long as I’m not the one delivering it,” you mumbled, leaving the kitchen.
Of course you were the one delivering it.
Releasing a long sigh from the pit of your chest, you tried to put aside your pride and hatred to drop off the tray of food for Jungwon. You tried to remind yourself to have some humanity, that he was sick and alone and needed some food. The only thing that managed to help you push through was imagining him begging on his knees for food from you and you holding the tray away from his sick hands’ reach. A little evil, but it helped you press his doorbell.
When Jungwon opened the door, you could feel your heart sink to the ground. All those mischievous thoughts in your mind about teasing him flew out of your mind as soon as you got a good look at his face. He was extremely pale, and his eyes were red and glassy. He looked frail, like a single touch could knock him over. You gasped when you saw him, and immediately took a step inside to go and help him anyway you could.
“Hey, hey, are you okay?” You asked, placing the back of your palm on his head that was drenched in his sweat. “Oh, my God, you’re boiling. Jungwon, take your coat off.” Placing the tray on the ground, you tried to help him take off his coat but he wouldn’t budge. Looking back at him, he had a disgusted look on his face.
“What the hell are you doing? My mum said you came here to give me food, not baby me.” He shrugged his coat back on to stop it from sliding off his shoulder and snatched the tray up from the ground.
“What? I’m trying to help-”
“Who asked you to? Piss off, Y/N.”
Standing outside of his house, you were shocked. You were just trying to help him. You put aside the feelings you two had towards each other because he was sick. Even sick Jungwon is an asshole, you thought. That was when you made a mental note to never be nice to this guy ever again. He didn't deserve it.
“Y/N?” Sunghoon waves his hand in front of yours, forcing you out of your daydream.
You shake your head, “Oh, sorry. What were you saying?”
Sunghoon stares at you for quite a while without saying anything, letting you scan his features freely. His dark hair extends at the back of his neck, kind of like a mullet, and it suits him a lot. His eyebrows are sharp, and you inwardly frown at how they look better taken care of than yours. His eyes aren’t anything special, but they’re looking at you intently right now; they look heavy, like he has a lot to say. Sunghoon’s lips, however, God you could stare at them forever. They’re so pink and plumpy, he’s definitely a good kisser.
“Are you staring at my lips right now?” Your eyes snap back to Sunghoon’s eyes in horror that he caught you. He laughs at your reaction, so you follow, covering your mouth with a hand. “So what’s the deal with you and Jungwon?” He asks after the two of you have calmed down.
You shrug, wanting to avoid his question since you already ask yourself that every single day. “Nothing, really.”
“So, you just argue for fun? Masochism, I like it.” He chuckles, and you dart your eyes at him. “No, no I’m just saying, if you can’t even tell me why you two argue, what’s the point of doing it?”
It’s a genuine question. It’s a question Yuna has asked you, your teachers have asked you, the other girls in your friend group have asked you, your parents have asked you, but most importantly one that you’ve asked yourself countless times. And you’re annoyed because the answer is there is no answer. You don’t ever remember doing anything to offend Jungwon when he first moved into your neighbourhood or your school. You just remember him being a little shit, thinking he could walk all over and bully you. But your dad brought you up differently, to stand up for yourself. That’s why Jungwon’s always on offence, and you always seem to be on the defence.
“I never start anything,” you look at Sunghoon, and you find it heartwarming how he’s listening so intently, “He’s always the one that approaches me, so I just bite back. If I never did, I would be crushed by now.” You explain, fiddling with the edge of your sleeve.
“So Jungwon’s a bully?” Sunghoon asks, and your body suddenly feels tons heavier. You hate that word, it just doesn’t sound right.
“No, not a bully.”
“Sounds like it.” Sunghoon shrugs. “He’s mean to you so you’re mean back. Except it’s been going on for years.”
You get up from the desk and sit on another, feeling a little uncomfortable with this situation. “Um, I guess? It doesn’t bother me that much. It’s just becoming repetitive at this point. Today’s the first day he didn’t say something stupid. It was relieving, you know.” You explain, a smile unconsciously growing on your lips.
“Don’t worry,” Sunghoon comes over, his wide chest blocking your field of vision, “now that you’ve got me around, he won’t bother you as much.”
-
Dear diary,
I had fun today.
It’s only half way through your diary entry that you notice you didn’t start it off with the infamous “I hate Jungwon.” Actually, reading the entry made you realise how little you even saw him today. The only time you spoke to him was when you were with Sunghoon. How long has it been since the two of you didn’t have a petty argument? You find yourself smiling down at your diary, a wave of relief washing over your body at the thought of Sunghoon being your first step to freedom.
You also find yourself smiling when you started scribbling down how fun your chemistry club was today. You and Sunghoon barely even finished a question, the two of you talking and laughing the entire time. He even promised that if he was ever free, he’d give you occasional free tutoring for chemistry. Life would be so much easier if Jungwon was more like Sunghoon, wouldn’t it?
Somebody should have warned you that your happiness is short lived, because while you were giving Yuna a detailed update of everything to do with Sunghoon, Jungwon’s voice echoed behind you. You promise yourself that one day, you need to creep up behind him and his friends and cut them off because this was really starting to piss you off.
You and Yuna turn around, both you offering him the exact same defeated look.
“That Sunghoon guy,” Jungwon starts, taking slow steps towards you. “Since when did you two get close?”
Yuna scoffs loudly, putting a hand on her hip. “Why? You jealous, Yang?” Yeah, as if he would be. He’s probably jealous of you, seeing that tension between them yesterday.
Jungwon laughs sarcastically before turning back to you so fast you had to flinch your head backwards. He was a little too close for your liking so you stepped back. “Yeah, you wish. No, I’m just asking because he’s an asshole, and I don’t want to have to talk to him every time I wanna annoy you.”
You push his shoulder away from you and laugh in disbelief. “Well, why don’t you just stop trying to annoy me then, huh?” You could tell what you said threw Jungwon off guard a little by the way he twitched his brows. This is the first time you’ve ever seen him take a second to come up with something to say, usually it’s second nature to him. You smirked, thanking God for giving you the upper hand today. “Aww, are you insecure, Jungwon? Does Sunghoon make you insecure?” You ask in that irritating baby voice he always uses on you. “Are you jealous because you’ll never have hair as good as his? Or because you’ll never be as good looking as him? Are you sad that–”
“Y/N, I’m not the one that attracts the opposite sex through pity.”
That shuts you up completely, and your confidence withers to bits. He’s got that same disgusted look on his face as that day you went to visit him. It’s not like he’s never said something as harsh as that before, so you’re not really sure why this is affecting you so much. As embarrassing as it is to admit, that really hurt.
“First, he has to witness how horrible you are at chemistry. Then he saw you speaking to me, and probably felt bad for you. And let’s not even mention your looks.” Jungwon continues, peeling off every layer you’ve been forced to wrap around yourself ever since you met him. Slowly, he’s stripping away your pride, your dignity, and even your self esteem. “You think I’m jealous of a guy that sleeps around so much he probably has STDs? I think our fighting has made you forget that I also get girls, Y/N. I just don’t flout them for attention like he does.”
“Let’s go,” Yuna whispers, tugging on your sleeve. Your eyes are on the ground, unable to meet Jungwon’s. You’ve never felt so insignificant and helpless in front of him before, your body is unable to catch up with all these new emotions. “Come on, Y/N.”
The two of you are walking down the hallway, making your way to the bathroom. Tears are pooling in your eyes, something Jungwon has never managed to make happen. You feel so stupid, so stupid for letting him break you after all these years. All these years you wasted arguing with him almost every single day of your life. For what? What did either of you get out of it? You’ve never even stopped for a second to consider the words that you two were saying to each other, how much you were hurting each other. Well, you doubt you’ve ever really hurt Jungwon. He’s probably jumping up and down right now, cheering at the thought of finally winning. You just hope this means that it’s all over. You’re exhausted.
“Y/N?” Sunghoon’s voice appears just as you’re about to follow Yuna into the bathroom.
You feel your breath grow heavier at the sound of his voice, humiliation rippling throughout your body. Maybe that’s why this affected you so much. Maybe it’s because Jungwon was calling you an idiot for thinking Sunghoon liked you. Because apparently he’s just another popular boy. And because apparently, he's just been fooling you.
“Hey, what���s wrong?” Hurriedly, he walks up to you and places a hand atop your head, his doe eyes boring right into yours. You want to push him away so hard and tell him to go find another girl to play with, but all you can do is stare back at him. “Look, come here.” He pulls you away from the safe space of the female bathroom and right into the disabled ones.
You don’t know why, but as soon as Sunghoon locks the door, your tears start falling against your will. On instinct, you turn away and bring a hand to stop yourself from sobbing audibly. If what Jungwon said is true, you cannot let Sunghoon see you crying. You’ve read enough romance books to know that bad boys love it when a girl is vulnerable. But Sunghoon doesn’t speak; you’re not even sure he moves. The room is silent, albeit your quick breaths and occasional sobs. At this point, you’re just letting your body move on its own. Your mum always tells you it’s best to cry it out, to let your emotions ride out their course. So you decide to stay there and continue to cry into your already soaked hands.
Once you’re done wiping away your cheeks and rubbing your eyes, you make your way to the mirror to see what you look like. If Sunghoon wasn’t in the room you would have cried all over again just from seeing your reflection. “Ugh, I’m a mess.”
Sunghoon giggles, and lifts himself up from leaning against the door to come stand behind you. Gently, he brushes away strands of your hair from your face and fixes your collar for you. “I think,” he makes eye contact with you in the mirror, “you look just fine.”
-
Dear diary,
Unfortunately, I still hate Jungwon.
“No, why are you starting it like that again?” Yuna huffs beside you, probably disappointed at your relapse. It’s been a week since Jungwon made you cry, and it’s been a calm week, too. You never told Sunghoon what happened, but he’s been staying by your side at school since. He likes to call himself your personal bullmastiff, and that he scares away Jungwon who’s only a sheep. Although you’re still terrified that what Jungwon said about Sunghoon being a manwhore is true, there’s still a part of you that hopes it isn’t. You’re hoping he isn’t just hanging around to get in your pants.
“Because I’m mad, Yuna. If we’re really ending this, I can’t be the only one that’s upset about it. I need to think of one final thing to get back at him. Something that will really hurt him.” You explain, really disappointed in how much you’ve been lacking this school year. You haven’t gotten him back once, and it’s frustrating you.
“Hm, what about his motorbike?” Yuna asks, an evil glint to her eyes.
“No.” You shake your head. “No way. I would love to, believe me–”
“So why not?”
“Because his parents would kill me!”
“Oh come on, that bike costs to them what a piece of gum costs to us, Y/N.”
“No, I heard him tell his friend. You know that pervert, Heeseung? Yeah, they were talking about it and Jungwon was saying that it’s from a limited series and that his parents had to fly out to Thailand to bid for it.” You whisper, for some reason you don’t really know. “Thailand, Yuna.”
“Okay, why don’t we wear masks? We can get Sunghoon to help us, too. You know, like them ski masks.” Yuna motions the mask with her hands, a persuasive look on her face. You’re tempted to, you really are. The thought of taking the only thing that Jungwon seems to have human feelings for away from him is very tempting.
“But wait, he wouldn’t know it’s me.”
“Uh, Y/N, that’s a good thing? If he knows it’s you, you’d be sued.”
“Oh, yeah, true.”
“We can enjoy our victory from afar, okay?”
You suck in a deep breath. “Okay.”
-
This may be the worst idea you’ve ever thought of in your entire life.
Here you are, standing in between Sunghoon (who Yuna had to convince for hours to come along) and Yuna. The three of you are wearing your ski masks, but Sunghoon is too much of a cheapskate to buy a new one so he’s wearing his dad’s bright blue mask and making the three of you look stupid.
“Okay, on the count of three–”
“No wait!” Sunghoon’s voice squeaks as he whisper-shouts.
You and Yuna whip your heads into his direction, stunned at his voice crack. “Sunghoon, you’re the only guy here!” You whisper-shout back. “You can’t be the scared one.”
“I have never broken the law before, if I get caught doing this my parents are going to kill me, Y/N.” He panics, yet neither of you can take him seriously with his idiotic mask on.
“What are you talking about? I’m pretty sure you broke about five laws driving us here in your mum’s car.” You snap, before looking at Yuna. “But maybe he’s r–”
“No, guys it’s now or never.” Yuna whispers, before tugging on both yours and Sunghoon’s sleeves, running ahead. Your veins are booming so loud you’re worried someone will be able to hear it. Arriving at the tail of the motorcycle, you raise a trembling finger to touch it. You gasp when you do, already mentally hearing the sounds of sirens coming closer and closer.
Yuna pulls out a hairpin and shoves it into the keyhole of the motorcycle while you and Sunghoon crouch and cower behind her, failing to keep a proper look out. This feels so wrong, but it’s too late to go back now. Sunghoon’s stupid mask is probably plastered all over the CCTVs already. You’ll probably need a miracle to not get yourself landed in prison.
Yuna whimpers as she struggles to switch on the engine. You’re starting to panic even more now, the thought of this all going horribly wrong circling your mind repeatedly. “It’s not working!” She yells, and you and Sunghoon look at each other with wide eyes.
“Go help her!” You motion at him, your heart drumming louder than it ever has before.
“What do you mean go help her, why don’t you go help her?!” Sunghoon doesn't budge and only tightens his hold on the tail of the motorcycle.
“No, I’m keeping look out!”
“No you’re not, you’re looking at me!”
“Will you two shut up and come help me?!” Yuna screams, and you shoot up to go over and help her. It’s useless, though. No matter how much the two of you twist and turn the hairpin, the engine doesn’t turn on. “Why isn’t it working? We practised this like a thousand times!”
“I don’t know! Maybe because it’s a limited edition?!” You scream back, the plan blowing up in your face.
“Fuck!” Yuna slams the head of the bike in anger as you start to lose control of your breaths. “I think I’ve broken the keyhole.”
You groan loudly, closing your eyes to think of a way to fix this. Trying so hard to calm yourself down, you attempt to come up with another plan. It’s either that or the three of you need to escape—now
But as always, Jungwon’s voice interrupts you. His timing is probably his only positive attribute.
“Hey!” He barks at the other end of the road, making you and Yuna look at each other like you’ve seen a ghost. He’s running as fast as he can, so much so you can see his forehead shining under the street lights.
“Let’s ditch the bike!”
“No! We can’t let this all be for nothing!”
“Out of the way ladies!” Sunghoon’s voice appears out of nowhere, and you turn to see him standing over the bike with a large pole in his hands. Oh, my God. Instinctively, you and Yuna jump off the bike and run behind Sunghoon to watch him do his dirty work.
You poke out your head, trying to catch your breath and a glimpse of Jungwon. “He’s close, hurry up!”
“No!” Jungwon screams, reaching his arms out, dread written all over his little baby face. “Stop, please!”
Sunghoon ignores him and draws back the pole before slamming it against the metal of the motorcycle. He hits it again and again, parts flying all over the place each time. He yells at every impact, like he was beating up a person.
Jungwon arrives, and you can't help but notice his breaths are shaky and the strands of hair sticking to his forehead. He pulls Sunghoon away from you and punches him right in the jaw, a roar ripping right from the bottom of his lungs. The light sensors of the neighbouring houses switch on, and some neighbours even come out to take a peek. With the rush of the scene flowing through your veins, and the fear that all of this is for nothing, you pick up the pole that fell out of Sunghoon’s hands and hit the bike yourself. Hearing Jungwon beg like that so helplessly for the first time in your life only fuels your anger even more. Each whack, each hit, your mind flashes back to the times Jungwon hurt you, the times Jungwon forced you to build another wall.
“What’s the point of going to the school dance? It’s not like anybody wants to go with you, anyway.” Whoops, there goes the headlight.
“Oh, my God, you might as well go home if you’re going to be dressed like that the entire trip. Stop embarrassing us.” Oh no, the brake is broken.
“You failed chemistry again? Look, guys, she got 10%! What a loser!” Aw man, now the gas tank is leaking.
Before you can damage the bike anymore, Yuna pulls you back into reality. She’s yelling something at you, but your eyes can’t help but focus on Jungwon struggling against Sunghoon’s hold.
“Please! No, please stop! I’ll give you anything you want, just get away from my bike!”
He’s crying.
Your surroundings suddenly blur as Yuna pulls you towards the car you guys came in. She shoves you in while telling you something but you can’t shift your attention from Jungwon who’s now given up and is laying still on the floor. He isn’t even fighting Sunghoon anymore. He’s just still, the base of his palms rubbing his eyes as his tears roll off his cheeks and fall onto the floor.
You made Jungwon cry. You made Yang Jungwon cry.
-
You're ashamed. You can't even step outside your house without making sure your hood is well over your head, hiding your face for anyone to see. There's no way anyone in the neighbourhood could know that it was you, right? You were completely covered; it could have been any two girls and a guy who smashed Jungwon's precious bike and brought him to tears.
Literal freaking tears.
In all the years you two have fought, Jungwon only ever smiles. He grins, or laughs that really annoying laugh where he throws his head back and stamps his feet on the floor. He pretends to be upset by putting a hand on his heart and squeezing his eyes shut, letting out an exaggerated gasp. He pretends to be mad by putting his hands on his hips and tilting his head so far sideways his hair looks like it's about to fall off. Jungwon is expressive, he enjoys winding you up by acting out his emotions—real or fake—dramatically. You've always hated it, but now you're praying that you're going to meet him on your way to school and he'll pretend to whine about how much you hurt him last night.
You shift your weight from one foot to the other, waiting at the end of the road for Jungwon to appear. You're not really sure why. What are you even going to say if you see him? You can't even apologise for what you've done, his parents would definitely put you behind bars. The wait is killing you, impatience stirring in your stomach at an outrageous speed. Gulping, you contemplate whether you should go knock on his door or not. Maybe he's oversleeping because he's tired from last night. Maybe if you knock, he'll wake up and nag at you for babying him like he did before.
Without really thinking, you head straight to his front door step with your bottom lip tucked between your teeth. Breathing in, you press the doorbell. His house is huge, and the noise the doorbell makes almost frightens you out of your skin. The loud ring echoes in your mind loudly as you tap your foot on the ground and keep your eyes locked onto the door. You press it again. And again. And again.
And then you wait.
But Jungwon never comes out. Nobody does. Not him, his sister or his parents. You're even hoping some sort of maid will come and open the door. But nobody does. You're trying not to overthink the situation: maybe he's just being a teenage boy and angry that his bike is broken so he's decided to skip school today.
The thought calms you down a little bit, so you turn around to leave. While turning back to the entrance, something shiny catches your eye around the corner of Jungwon's front yard. Curious, you scuttle towards it and poke your head around to see what it is. Your heart drops when you do. There it is. Jungwon's motorcycle that you smashed to pieces last night. Laying next to it, is an open box of tools, an unfinished cup of coffee, and Jungwon's jacket that he always wears under his blazer. The guilt at the pit of your stomach spreads around your body, squeezing your heart and scraping at your throat. Did he really stay up all night trying to fix it all by himself?
Did you go too far?
-
"Come on, you're being weird." Sunghoon crosses his arms, not shifting his gaze away from you.
Usually, you appreciate his attentiveness because it makes you feel special and gets you all shy, but today it isn’t doing you any good. You chuckle breathlessly and pull the sheet of paper towards you. "So I just need to calculate the mass of this mole, right? Using this equation?"
Sunghoon sighs, "Y/N, you know you can tell me what's wrong, right?"
You look up to meet his heavy gaze, his face already so close to yours. "No? Just because you chose to follow me around at school doesn't mean we're best friends, Sunghoon. It doesn't mean I can pour my heart out to you."
His expression doesn't falter, a blank look sitting on his face. "Then what are we?"
You pause, not really knowing how to answer that question. You're aware that he gives you butterflies, and that you find him attractive. But what about what Jungwon said about him sleeping around? Hasn't Sunghoon stayed around long enough for it to be more than that? Or is that all you guys are - good friends? But then why would Sunghoon ask that question?
Confused and already emotionally drained from your crime yesterday, you scrunch up the question sheet in your hand and get up from your chair. Without saying a word to Sunghoon, you leave.
-
At home, you’re lying on your couch, flicking through the channels on the television. Nothing is exciting you since you can’t seem to pay attention to anything. There are only two things on your mind right now. Jungwon and Sunghoon.
As for Jungwon, you can’t stop picturing him in that little alleyway beside his house—sweating away, hurting himself trying to fix his motorcycle. He’s probably not eaten any real food in awhile, desperate to get it back to how it was before you and Yuna came up with that stupid plan. You groan into your hands, thinking about how you never thought you’d live to see the day you’d feel bad for Jungwon. Doesn’t he deserve this? Why does this bike mean so much to him? He can just fly out to Thailand and buy another one, right?
Then your thoughts suddenly shift to Sunghoon. If he really is the manwhore Jungwon pinned him out to be, how come he’s been nothing but supportive since you and Jungwon stopped talking to each other? There are no girls, you can’t see them. The only way it would be possible is if he has this whole other life outside of school. The partying, drinking and sex type of life. He said he’s never broken the law before, but he seemed pretty confident driving his mum’s car with one hand on the wheel and another on the radio. Do you even know Sunghoon? Sure, he’s a science nerd and likes to ice skate. But what else is there to him?
You sigh when the sound of the doorbell interrupts your thoughts. It’s 10pm, who could possibly be ringing at this time of night? Groggily, you get up, fixing your bun so you look a bit more appropriate for whoever it is that’s ruining your free time. Peering through the peephole, you’re only met with a man in a black hood who’s purposefully hiding his face from the door. A little worried, you call your mum over. “Mum! There’s a creepy man at the door!”
She hops out of the kitchen with a meat knife in one hand, a frying pan in the other and a terrified look on her face. “You take the knife,” she whispers, “and hide behind me while I hold the pan and see what this guy wants.”
“Wait, why am I holding the knife?” You point at yourself, your mum’s behaviour starting to affect you, too.
The doorbell rings again and you both flinch. “Because if he sees the knife in my hand he might attack. So you hide behind me, okay? I’m just going to open the door like an inch wide, don’t worry.” Her eyes are wide while she tries to convince you to follow through with her not-well-thought out plan.
You do anyway. “Okay.”
You take the knife from your mum before the two of you sneak towards the door. Hesitantly, she opens it, and the thought of her life being taken right before you flashes in your mind for a second. Right before she lets out a relieved laughter, a hand on her chest. “It’s just the Yangs’ kid, Y/N. Don’t scare me like that again.”
Jungwon? What the hell is he doing here? You poke your head out from beside her and see Jungwon looking down at his feet that are awkwardly kicking the floor. “I didn’t know it was him, sorry.” You mutter, furrowing your brows at him.
“I am so sorry, Jungwon. Is there something you need?” Your mum asks, widening the door. When he looks up, you can’t help but cringe. His eye bags are heavy, and his lips are so chapped they’re peeling. Not to mention how red and sore his eyes are, he’s struggling to even keep them open. He’s worse than the time you went to give him the tray of food. You don’t even realise that you two are staring at each other silently until your mum speaks up again. “Is something wrong?”
His eyes quickly divert to your mum’s and he clears his throat aggressively. “No, uh, I just wanted to know if your husband is here.”
Your mum shakes her head, “No, he’s visiting his brother right now. He won’t be back for a few days.”
“Can you call him?” You don’t think you’ve ever seen Jungwon speak so meekly before. It’s odd, and the thought that you may have broken him makes your toes curl.
“Yes, yes, what do you want me to say?”
“How to fix a motorcycle brake. I remember that he had one a few years ago, so I thought he’d know.”
“Oh! Was it your motorbike that got smashed by those teenagers?” Jungwon nods, his eyes falling to the ground again. “Ms Jung showed me her CCTV cameras and how horrible those kids were. Their parents really need to sort them out.” She tuts, pulling out her phone.
Even your mum is disgusted by your behaviour last night. Of course she is, what you did was way out of line. You play with your fingers as the guilt travels further, making you a lot more jittery than usual. “My dad’s break broke once and he showed me how to fix it. I can, uh, help if you want.” It’s the least you can do, an easy repair, indirectly apologise, and throw away this stupid guilt so you can focus on getting your school life back on track. Maybe after you help him fix his bike, the two of you can finally be even and put your pettiness in the past once and for all.
Jungwon only looks you in the eyes, not saying anything. They remind you of Sunghoons’; loud and heavy.
“Oh, okay, that’s perfect. You go and help him. I’ll bring some snacks later.” Your mum pushes you out of the house, and you curse her for doing so when all you’re wearing is a hoodie, a pair of cycling shorts, and slippers. “Bye!” She waves, shutting the door in your face before you can even speak.
Well, this is awkward. Turning around, you try to put on a smile to Jungwon, but his eyes flicker straight from your eyes to your mouth before he storms back to his house. You follow him with a huff, realising that this is going to be a long hour. Catching up to him, you throw your hood over your head and stuff your hands in your pockets to try and stay warm. “So,” you start, trying to get straight to the point, “if we’re lucky, all you’ll need to do is clean the pistons. You know, those little metal things that open and close w-”
“I know what a piston is.” He grumbles, opening his gate. “I would have done that if that girl didn’t smash it off my bike.”
Your eyes lower as he unknowingly mentions you, and try to shake off the feeling of guilt again. You never would have guessed this would have hurt him this much. But then again, isn’t that what you wanted? “Oh,” you chuckle awkwardly, “well then this is gonna take a long time.”
The two of you arrive at the corner, and that’s when you notice there are three more cups of coffee lying next to the bike. You purse your lips, trying to throw away the imagination of him desperately attempting to stay awake, pushing his body well past its limits all in order to fix what you broke.
“Okayyy,” you whisper, copying Jungwon by getting on your knees, followed by a hiss once you feel the cold rocky ground. Clearing your throat, you turn to him, who still has an emotionless look on his face. You really wish he would do something right now. You wouldn’t even mind it if he made fun of you. Staring at him like this, like an empty shell, is too much to bear. “So, where’s the brake?” You put out your hand, and Jungwon complies by giving it to you. Observing it, you’re relieved that it hasn’t been damaged too much, and that it’s okay to put it back on the bike. “First, we need to take the callipers off the bike.” You don’t explain what it is this time, since he got agitated when you did it before. “Should I do one side and you do the other?”
He nods, so you crawl over to the other side, and together, the two of you start working on the bike.
After around twenty minutes of silent working, you decide to ask a question that’s been on your mind since the second you saw him cry. “Jungwon?” You ask. He doesn’t respond, but you know that he hears you. “Why don’t you just get your parents to buy you another one?”
It takes him a while to reply, you assume he’s just busy with the clamps. “They can’t. There’s no more on sale.”
You’re aware that it sounds a bit harsh, but you still push. “Can’t they just buy another brand?”
Jungwon’s eyes meet yours through the tiny gaps between the motorcycle parts. “I don’t want another one.”
You sigh at his vague responses. “Okay, what about hiring someone to come and fix your bike? Or getting a friend, literally anyone-”
Abruptly, Jungwon throws the clamp onto the floor, the ring of the metal bouncing around your skull. “I didn’t ask you to come and help, you know? You offered. If you don’t want to, there’s nothing stopping you from leaving.” He spits, his eyes piercing into yours angrily.
You put your hands up in a feign defence. “I’m sorry, I was just asking.” You mutter under your breath, a little shocked at his reaction. “I’m okay with fixing the bike, it just looked like you didn’t wanna ask so I was telling you there are other options.”
Jungwon sighs, before picking up the clamp and getting back to work. “I know.” He mumbles, and you can hear the piston creaking under the pressure of his clamp hold. “I know there are other options, but I don’t trust any of them with this bike. I’ve known your dad for a while and I remember how much he cared about his bike, so I thought I’d just ask him to help.” The thought of Jungwon trusting your dad over his creepy friends makes you feel a lot better, but the sound of the piston about to snap distracts you.
Crawling back over, you return to Jungwon’s side. You don’t even notice that your thighs are touching each other when you reach out to take the clamp from his hands. He looks at you a little alarmed, but you respond with an awkward smile. “You’re putting too much pressure. You have to unstick one piston at a time, if you do it like that it’ll snap.” You explain, opting to do it yourself to save some time.
“How come you know how to fix a break?” He asks randomly, startling you a little bit.
You stay focused while you answer him, your eyes not moving from the clamp. “Sometimes my dad teaches me things like this. He says he does it because he doesn’t have a son.”
“What other things has he taught you?”
Since this is the first real conversation you’ve ever had with Jungwon, you decide not to question why he cares about your relationship with your dad so much. “How to ride a bike, how to play football, how to put up a shelf, how to fix a laptop that’s had water spilled on it.” You giggle at the last one, memories piling into your head. Jungwon doesn’t say anything else so you turn around to see why. He’s just staring at your hands working with the clamp, so you choose to fill in the tense silence. “The time he broke his break, he called me over while I was studying. I told him that it’s not important since a motorcycle break and a bike break are two completely different things and that this would never come in handy.” You face Jungwon again, and his eyes meet yours. “Turns out it did come in handy.”
There’s a moment, a long moment of comfortable silence with the two of you staring at each other. For the first time, you notice the shape of his eyes and how delicately pulled out they are. They’re kind of pretty, in a boyish sort of way. You can’t really believe you’ve been staring at these eyes for the past eight years without ever finding yourself swimming in them until now.
Jungwon scoffs, breaking eye contact before taking a sip of his coffee. “I’m surprised you didn’t turn out heavy handed since you were basically brought up as a boy,” he mutters against the cup.
With that, you unconsciously suck in such a deep breath of air. A wave of relief washes over your body as you let out an incredibly loud laugh at his comment. There he is, the asshole that is Yang Jungwon. You seriously thought you broke him, but hearing him say something so rude wiped away any and all of your doubt.
He’s back. And you couldn’t be more than happy about it.
-
Walking into school the next day, you’re a little bit anxious. You’re anxious because:
You might bump into Sunghoon and he might start asking scary questions again
You might bump into Jungwon and have to start fighting again
You don’t want either of those scenarios to happen. So when Sunghoon spots you and says goodbye to his friends, you panic and pull onto your friend’s sleeve. “Quick, pretend we’re having a really serious and private conversation.”
She panics and tries to think of something to say. “Uh, I made out with Sunghoon at Ryujin’s party!” With her eyes shut, in front of everyone in the hallway, your friend, Chaeryeong, admitted to sleeping with Sunghoon. You spot him from the corner of your eye, freezing once he heard what Chaeyoung said, and you wait for him to come over and ask why you two are making up shit about him. He doesn’t.
“Are you being serious right now? I said pretend, Chaeryeong.” Your hand slips away from hers as you look at her in pure disbelief.
“I’m sorry, it’s been on my mind a lot recently because he’s been hanging out with you so much. So when you said say something serious, that was the first thing I could think of.” She rushes, clearly panicked by your response.
“Wait,” you take a step closer to whisper, “When was this? Recently?”
She gives you a worried look, before turning around to see Sunghoon and then turning back to you. “Last, uh, Saturday?”
Saturday. Last Saturday. That was only four days ago. Four days ago you were FaceTiming him while he was helping you with your physics homework. Four days ago was when you asked if he could help you finally get over the Jungwon situation, and he told you that he really wanted to help because he couldn’t stand to see you so hurt. Four days ago was when you told Yuna you think you have a crush on him.
Stepping away, you give one last glance at Sunghoon. “I can't believe you,” you mutter, before turning around and storming away. You tell yourself the reason why you didn’t go up to him and scream in his face is because of the attention you would have gained, but it isn’t; you’re too scared to face him because you were already warned about him ages ago. As funny as it sounds, you should have listened to Jungwon.
-
“What?! Chaeryeong? Our Chaeryeong?” Yuna chokes on her water, surprised.
“Yeah,” you sigh, scribbling away in your notebook. “I’m not really bothered about that, I mean she can sleep with whoever she wants. It’s just, I really thought there was something between me and Sunghoon.”
Yuna kisses her teeth before shaking her head. “Even I thought there was. Why is he always with you if he’s sleeping with other girls?” Her body simultaneously shivers with yours. “That’s just gross.”
“Maybe he just sees me as a friend. You know in those romance books where the hot guy who gets all the girls appreciates the girl who doesn’t wanna have sex with him and likes hanging around with her?”
“Y/N, they always end up falling in love.”
“Oh. Well, that’s not happening, is it?” You slouch in your seat.
Jungwon walks into the room, and you smile at Yuna, happy to know that he’s back on his feet. You wait for him to say the same thing he always does when he walks past you to get to his seat. Anxiously, your foot taps on the ground as you nibble on your bottom lip, your eyes not moving from Jungwon’s.
Yuna taps you and leans in to whisper, “You can see it now, right?” Her eyebrows giggle, a huge smirk on her lips.
You cringe at what she said, refusing to let her silly thoughts get to your head. “Shut up,” you mutter, before turning back to see Jungwon talking to another classmate. You hate to admit it, but your eyes do linger on him a little longer. You can’t help but notice the long, dark strands of hair that almost cover his eyes. His nose and jawline are sharp, contrary to his soft and small lips. Your eyes trail down to his Adam's apple as he speaks, and you watch as it bobs up and down attentively. It’s strange that you’ve known Jungwon for so long, yet you’ve never actually taken the time out of your day to really look at him. Because he’s actually really good looking.
“See?” Yuna giggles, slapping your arm playfully. “You’re staring.”
Your head darts to her direction with wide eyes. “I’m just waiting for him to come over.”
“Nu-uh, you’re finally listening to me. I told you he gets girls.” She motions for you to lean in closer while she whispers. “Last year, I peeked into his locker on Valentine’s Day, and I counted thirteen letters, Y/N. Thir-teen.”
Thirteen girls gave Jungwon a love letter last year? You scoff, resting your chin on your palm as you look at him again. If they knew what you knew, that Jungwon is a total asshole, you bet they’d run far away from him. “I don’t get it. Is it just because of his looks? Are they that shallow?”
Yuna shrugs from beside you. “Well, I’ve heard a lot of good things about him.”
You laugh sarcastically, “Are you gonna talk about the time he helped that one new student when she dropped her books on the floor again?”
“Well, there’s that. But there are other things, too, that I’ve tried to tell you but you just turn down because you hate him so much. Like the time he stopped a boy from getting bullied. It was so cool, Y/N, he just shoved the bully in his shoulders and looked him right in the eyes and told him to fuck off.”
Something twists in your stomach at that word. It reminds you of when Sunghoon asked if
Jungwon is just a bully. You can’t be staring at him now, talking about all the good deeds he’s done and why all the girls in your school have a crush on him. He’s mean. He’s insulted you, belittled you, degraded you. You could go on and on about all the times Jungwon has hurt you and laughed in your face whenever he did. He’s a selfish, spoiled rich kid that derives entertainment from picking on you. And like all your friends warn you not to do, you react, dragging it out longer. Maybe if you just stayed silent in the first place, this would have never continued for so long.
Blinking, you suddenly realise that Jungwon is batting his eyes at you right in front of your face. You gasp, furrowing your eyes and jerking back once you realise how close his face is to yours. Shit, you spaced out and he caught you staring.
“What you staring at, number 23?” He asks, his old grin back on his face.
“Number 23?”
“Class ranks are up on the board.” He explains, and your heart drops to your feet when you realise what he’s saying. “You know,” Jungwon gets up, hands in his pockets as he peers down at you with that familiar evil glint in his eyes. “I thought signing you up for chemistry club would at least get you into the teens. But you only moved up one spot? One?”
Okay, you may have wanted normal Jungwon back, but did his first strike have to be so harsh? Getting up, you realise your legs are trembling. Something inside of you is telling you not to bite back this time, that it’s not worth it. If you truly want this war to end, then you have to be the bigger person and back down. Pursing your lips, you simply walk past him to follow the crowd of students into the hallway to see the class rankings.
“Oh. My. God, Y/N. You should have seen the look on his face!” Yuna laughs, but you can’t join her. It was embarrassing to let him talk down to you like that. You wish you said something, but this needs to end. This is the first step you need to take.
“Let’s just focus on our class rankings for now.” You say, approaching the wall.
Although Jungwon made fun of your rank, you have to hide a smile when you see it. It’s not high at all, but at least you’ve improved. With everything that’s been going on recently, you need something positive to cling onto. You pull out your phone to call your mum about your improvement, excited to hear about how proud she’ll be.
But a voice from behind stops you. You can feel the heat of his body so close to yours, and your heart immediately starts doing backflips. “23rd? That means I’m going to have to spend a lot more time tutoring you, right?” His voice is uplifted, and that pisses you off even more.
Turning around, you furrow your brows and fold your arms. “Really? Are you just going to pretend that–”
Sunghoon, with his hands buried in his pockets and his lips pursed, shrugs. “I asked you what we are, and you just left.”
That is very true. You did, quite rudely, leave. You erased that part of your day from your mind, and even avoided writing it down in your diary. All you needed was time, because the following week was when you and Yuna figured out what your feelings are towards him. Sighing, you answer. “I know.”
“I helped you break–” he pulls on your blazer to drag the two of you away from the crowd as he leans in to whisper, “I helped you break Jungwon's bike. I know you think that that's a normal thing for a guy like me, but it isn't. I don't go around, smashing people's things, you know. I did that for you, and all I got was a little thank you text.”
Everything he's saying is true, and that's frustrating you further.
“You can't be mad about who I sleep with, Y/N. I've been hovering around for so long, and still, the only guy you think of is Jungwon.”
“What are you even hanging around for, though? Jungwon he-he told me that you treat girls like trophies. I thought–” The eye contact Sunghoon holds with you is intense, he doesn't turn away once. You're too scared to break it because you've never seen him this serious before.
“So you believed him over me? Someone that you ‘hate’ over a friend? You didn't even bring that up with me, Y/N!" He whisper-shouts, pressing an arm against the lockers beside him so that he can lower his head to meet yours. “You need to ask yourself what's your deal with Jungwon, because I'm not sure you really know what it is.” Gently, he lets go of your blazer and dusts it down with his hands, causing you to blush intensely.
“You're gonna keep me up all night because of this, now, you know that, right?” You chuckle sarcastically, keeping your eyes on his hand that's lingering above yours.
He chuckles back, “I know.” His hand stops hovering, and goes back to his pocket.
Looking up at him, you smile endearingly. “We can still be friends, right? Even if whatever this is doesn't sort out the way we want it to, you'll still be my friend.”
"Ayyyyy,” Sunghoon laughs, but it seems forced, and presses a finger into your shoulder. “You're just saying that for the free tutoring lessons.”
-
Dear diary,
I hate Jungwon.
You groan into your arms after you realise what you've just written, disappointed in yourself. It's embarrassing to admit that Sunghoon is right, that Jungwon is constantly on your mind. If it's not the awful things he's said, or the stupid pranks he's played, then it's the way he puckers his lips together when he snorts out a laugh, or the way he wiggles his eyebrows at you to try and piss you off. You've probably never even scratched the surface of Jungwon's mind, yet he somehow lives in yours constantly.
A ping from your phone distracts you from your thoughts.
jung_1: my tire popped
you: and?
jung_1: use your daddy skills to come and fix it
you: if u think u can jus tell me what to do ???? then you're vv wrong :/
jung_1: u came before what's wrong this time?
you: im busy
jung_1: so am i but i can't get anything done without my bike
you: u need to get it checked out professionally
ik u have some weird attachment issues to it but fixing the brakes and tires isn't enough to get that thing up and running again
jung_1: well, miss 23, unlike u i have a brain
fixing everything one at a time v slowly will work eventually
patience is key
so can u jus come already
you: what's in it for me?
jung_1: idk wtf
food?
you: do i look like a dog to u
jung_1: idk??? u name it ill get whatever u want
you: ok fine whatever
After you get dressed to go to Jungwon's house, you scribble one last thing into your diary before you go.
Let's hope that when I come back, I won't be saying that I hate him again.
-
With a bag of food from your mum to give to Jungwon's parents, you ring his doorbell hesitantly. You will never get over the difference between your house and his despite the fact that you two live just a few houses away from each other. While yours is small and cosy with a garden full of roses and apple trees, Jungwon's stands tall—so modern that it doesn't even have a front garden, it's all just rock hard concrete.
Opening the door you're met with a sour face when Jungwon looks you up and down. “What's that?” He asks, pointing at your carrier bag.
You inwardly sigh, reminding yourself of the trouble he's putting himself through because of you. “Homemade kimbap.” You hand it to him and he takes it cautiously, eyeing the bag like you hid a bomb in it. “Relax, my mum made it.”
Jungwon's head pops right up when you say that, and you swear his lips are trying their best not to pull up into a smile. Clearing his throat, however, he returns to his normal bitter expression and brushes his hair out of his gaze. “Whatever, come inside while I get dressed.”
It's only when Jungwon mentions it that you look down and notice that he’s only wearing a pair of underwear. Making a mental note to never visit a teenage boy's house unannounced again, you awkwardly hop inside and sit on the kitchen counter that he directs you to wait at.
While Jungwon is away, you're left with the housemaid. You've always guessed that they had one, yet you've never seen her leave the house before. Anyone could mistake this for slavery, how scary.
“Are you Jungwon's friend?” She asks, opening the bag of kimbap that you brought. You nod, deciding it's best not to explain your confusing and infuriating situation to Jungwon's housemaid, and she smiles endearingly, taking out the food. “I'm surprised. He's only ever brought those two hooligans over.”
“Jeongseong and Heeseung?” You ask, chuckling.
She laughs with you at the mention of Jungwon's awful friends who you are secretly afraid of. “They're like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, them two. It's nice to see that some of his friends are sane.” As soon as she unwraps and sees the food, however, the housemaid gasps, a repelled look on her face.
“Is everything okay?” You ask, worried.
“Jungwon can't eat this, it isn't fresh.”
You open your mouth to explain that it had only just been cooked a few hours ago, but choose not to. This is Jungwon's rich and snobby lifestyle, there's no point arguing with someone who knows him a lot better than you do.
“What a waste,” she sighs, “I'll just have to throw it away.” You really want to yell at the woman for disrespecting your mother's food, but the thought of Jungwon's parents catching you screaming at their trusted maid through a secret camera and suing you scares you too much to do so.
But just before she's able to throw it away, Jungwon appears in a zipped up coat and joggers, an arm in front of the bin. “No, no, no, no, Mrs Kim, it's okay.” He says softly, a hand resting on her back as he smiles at her.
Smiles. Like, really smiles. He's acting so gentle around her it's scaring you. Lightly, he takes the dish from her hands and settles it on the middle counter opposite you. He doesn't look up, he just opens the tinfoil and lets his jaw drop slightly at the kimbap your mum forced you to roll for him. You'll never let him know that, though.
“Jungwon, it isn't fresh, you'll get sick.” Mrs Kim retorts, but he's already digging one out. You and Mrs Kim both silently watch Jungwon eat his food contently, and you hate to say it but he eats in such a cute way. His cheeks puff out and he takes such small nibbles of the food, like he's savouring it all.
“Your mum made this?” He asks, his eyes wide.
A little thrown off by him, you play with the strings of your jacket. “Uh, yeah. She just told me to bring this when I said I was coming over.” You answer awkwardly. He isn’t throwing any insults at you, and that’s something you still haven’t gotten used to.
He raises his brows while nodding, continuing to eat his food, leaving you and Mrs Kim standing beside each other in an odd silence. That is, until she leans in to whisper something to you. “He’s never eaten my kimbap so happily before, I wonder what your mum put in this one.” There’s a scowl on her face as bitterness lingers around her words.
You chuckle breathlessly, not really sure why Jungwon’s devouring your mum’s kimbap either. “It’s nothing special.”
Jungwon eyes the two of you before mumbling, “Stop staring.” and grabbing the rest of the food and making his way towards the door. You hesitantly scuttle behind him after giving Mrs Kim an undeserved bow. What a rude woman.
“How’d you pop it?” You ask, staring at the tire in horror as you realise the inner tube is punctured and this is going to be a very long job.
He chuckles, rubbing his hand at the nape of his neck, “Uh, I left my glass out and when I was pushing the bike it kinda just rolled over it.”
Sighing, you give him a defeated expression, “Seriously? You just added to the list of things that I’ve already broken.”
“What?”
You have to stop your breath for a second in order to hide the look of down right fear on your face as you almost slipped the crime you committed. “List of things that need fixing, I mean.” You shake your head and tut, trying to act out feign annoyance. Slowly, you peer over to Jungwon to see if he’s caught on, and he’s just staring blankly. Clearing your throat, you decide changing the topic is your best option right now. “Uhm, do you have a puncture kit?”
Jungwon, after a very long staredown, eventually replies and hands over the kit to you. You have to thank the skies for not throwing you under the bus because that was way too close. Even your hands are shaking a little as you open the kit and get on your knees, the nerves making you very tense. You don’t even have the courage to start up a conversation, and so the two of you work in silence like you did the last time.
After about an hour in, Jungwon speaks up. “My parents bought this for me.”
Ignoring the way you jumped at the way his voice suddenly appeared out of nowhere, you scoff. “Well, it’s not like you’ve had to work a day in your life to earn enough money to buy this.”
The dark haired boy huffs, clearly vexed. “No, I mean, they actually bought it. Like it wasn’t just a written cheque, or money into my bank account, or bought online. They flew to Thailand with me to buy it.” He explains, and when you turn to him, his eyes are boring into yours.
“Okay, and?” You chuckle again, not really paying much mind to his words and focusing on your work instead. It’s just a bike, what is he trying to say that’s so important?
Abruptly, he brings his hand to his laps and flashes you an offended look. Worried that you’ve pressed the wrong buttons, you stop too, quietly letting him continue. “You asked why I only wanted your dad’s help. I’m answering you, okay?”
“Okay, I get it.”
“It’s- they don’t do that, they don’t go out with me for..me.” You still don’t have a clue what he’s talking about, but you nod anyway. “This bike, it’s the only reminder I have at this point that my parents love- not love, but, ugh, you know what I mean.” He rambles, playing with the strings of his tracksuit bottoms nervously.
Trying your very best to put the pieces together, you tilt your head and ask, “You don’t think your parents love you?”
“I mean, yeah,” he panics, “I’m sure they do, but they’re not like your parents, for example.”
“My parents?” Well, now you’re really lost.
Jungwon sighs, averting his gaze from you to the bike. “You know, like my dad never taught me the things yours did. My parents never dropped me off to school like yours did. My mum doesn’t even know how to cook..” He mumbles, his voice slowly drifting off with each sentence.
“Jungwon,” you furrow your brows, “Have you been..comparing your parents to mine all these years?” Now that you think about it, there have been many times where you would be talking to your parents, and from the corner of your eye you’d stop Jungwon staring. You’ve always brushed it off, not wanting to think about the boy any more than you needed to, but now you’re thinking that maybe you should have. It’s common knowledge that money doesn’t buy you happiness, and you and Yuna have always blamed Jungwon’s lavish lifestyle for his bitchiness. But loneliness? That’s something you’ve never associated with him.
Jungwon lets out a groan, before picking up a screwdriver again. “No.” He mutters under his breath, before turning his back to you completely.
Not wanting to prod at the situation any further, you hesitantly get back to work, too.
It’s been three hours since the two of you started working on the bike. Out of fear that Jungwon had caught on to what you said about you being the culprit, you tried helping him fix the other parts of the motorcycle, too. (Albeit your lack of knowledge of how to do so.) The alleyway has been silent for hours, the only noises were your uncomfortable giggles, shaky breaths and your nails tapping against anything they could find. Jungwon didn’t ask about your slip up, so you are hoping to God that he has no doubt about you because that would just be a one way ticket to jail.
You don’t even realise that it’s 8pm, dark, and absolutely freezing until you find yourself shivering and brushing up your hands against your bare arms. Jungwon probably hears your chattering teeth as he looks over and juts his chin out at you. “You cold?” He asks, expressionless.
You nod immediately, standing up to stretch your legs and shake them to circulate some warmth around you. The only light the two of you have is the spotlight above you and it’s wearing out a little, making it difficult to see. “Just a little.”
Jungwon eyes your outfit, “You should have brought a coat,” he mutters, before doing the absolute unexpected.
Slack-jawed, you watch Jungwon unzip his puffer coat and hand it to you like it was normal for him to do so. With furrowed brows, you stand still, trying to find the catch behind his actions. “What?” He grumbles. “You’d rather freeze?”
Crossing your arms, you laugh at him. Seeing your breath fog up in the air, you start to reconsider declining his offer. “The last time you offered me a coat, Jungwon, it was from a dumpster. Everyone laughed at me because I had no idea and I wore it the entire PE session.” You explained, hoping he’d catch on to your lack of trust in him.
“Well, this isn’t from a dumpster, so just take it.” His arm is still extended, but you can’t bring yourself to take it from him.
“Just because I’ve come over to help you a few times,” you glare at him, “it doesn’t mean we’re friends now. This isn’t enough for me to forget everything you’ve done to me, Jungwon.” Saying this out loud to him for the first time feels weird. Neither of you have ever confronted each other about your situation. It’s always been avoided.
Jungwon pulls his arm back towards him, before taking a few steps towards you. “I never said we’re friends, just take the fucking coat.” He curses aggressively, making you flinch a little.
But the two of you are fully aware that you won’t back down from anything without a fight. “I don’t want your coat, Jungwon. It’s bad enough that I’m here, fixing something that you have enough money to do yourself. I don’t need your stupid pity either.”
Chuckling in disbelief, Jungwon rolls his eyes and shoves the coat into your arms. “Again, all I asked was for you to fix the tire. You chose to stay longer. I told you last time that you’re more than welcome to leave if you don’t wanna be here!” He yells at you.
Jungwon has never shouted at you before. It’s always been snarky comments and childish insults. This is new, and you’re not really sure how to react to it.
“Fine! I will leave! I can’t believe I fucking rolled that kimbap for you myself because I was scared you hadn’t eaten anything.” You shout back, throwing his coat on the floor before storming to his gate. “You’re never going to change, are you?” You mumble, while trying to open his gate.
Suddenly, you feel Jungwon’s hand belligerently pull your shoulder back so you can face him as his fingers tightly grip around your upper arm. His face is merely inches away from yours, eyes piercing right through you like a new found anger has lit inside of him. “I’ve not changed? I literally just offered you my coat.”
“Oh, wow, you’re such a saint, Jungwon.” You seethe, despite the fear running through your blood at the intensity of his glare. “What about me? Huh? I helped you fix half of your bike, I put up with the shitty chemistry club stunt you pulled on me, I helped make your food-”
“And I am trying my best to return the favour!” He snaps again, letting go of your arm.
It’s not until then that you notice a delivery driver parked right outside of Jungwon’s house. Looking over at him, you notice the bags of food in his hands as he awkwardly smiles at the two of you. Your gaze shifts between Jungwon and the driver a few times. “You ordered this?” You ask, pointing at the man who's given up smiling and is now impatiently waiting for you both to collect your food. “For us?”
“I don't like burgers.” He spits, picking up his coat off the ground to pull out his wallet.
While Jungwon is apologising and paying the delivery driver, you stare at your feet in regret. That was way too stubborn of you. Jungwon really was just trying to be helpful by giving you his coat, but you were too prideful to take it. You thought you were better than this, you thought you were better than him. Maybe this issue has always been a two-sided conflict and you've just been too angry to see otherwise.
“Here,” he hands you the bag, and this time you take it reluctantly.
Pulling out the box to open it, you're met with a fresh little burger meal. It's not much. Hell, it's nothing at all since you're sure Jungwon can afford way more than this cheap rubbish. But it still warps a guilt around your body so twisted you feel too sick to eat the meal.
A gasp falls from your lips as soon as it hits you; as soon as the realisation of why the bike Jungwon adores so much hits you. He’s connected to it emotionally. It’s the only form of love he’s ever gotten. And you broke it. You can’t believe you broke something so precious to someone. The silence is thick. You can't bring yourself to look at him. There's only one thing running through your mind right now.
He deserves to know what you did.
Your chest feels heavy as Jungwon goes back to sitting on the ground and working on his bike. Agitation punches at your heart while its beats echoes around your head.
He needs to know what you did.
Biting your nails, you turn around to face him. He's been working so hard for days, and it's all because of you. You went too far, and he's paying the consequences—when it should be you. Clearing your throat, you waste no time telling him.
“I did it.”
Jungwon's hands stop moving, but his gaze remains on the motorcycle.
“I broke your..I broke your motorbike.” You say hurriedly before nibbling on your bottom lip. He still doesn't move. “It wasn't just me, but I did pretty much most of it.”
You wait for him to lash out and scream at you, to call the police and have you locked away for life. You wait for him to cry, or yell, or insult you. Anything. But instead he does nothing.
He just quietly says. “Get out.”
“Jungwon, I'm so sorry, I wanted to tell–”
“I said get out.” His voice is low and empty.
“I–”
He cuts you off by darting his head towards your direction and glowering at you. So you decide to leave.
-
Dear diary,
I messed up. Big time.
With not enough energy in your system to write anymore in your diary due to the hours of homework you’ve just spent, you pull out your phone instead. Opening Instagram, you decide to aimlessly scroll through your friends’ stories.
First up is Ryujin—dolled up and singing into the camera with a few other girls you mildly recognise. There must be a party, you think. Swiping, you see a picture of Yeji and her boyfriend with red paper cups in their hands, smiling really cheesily. You chuckle at the photo, swiping up and replying to her story with “couple goals fr”. The next video on Yeji’s story, however, forces you to sit up in your chair.
While it seems like a normal video of a normal high school party with Yeji and Jisu dancing away and screaming to the music, your eyes can’t help but wander to the person dancing by themself in the background.
Yang Jungwon. And he’s alone.
This throws you off completely, because from the few parties you’ve visited and from what you’ve seen on people’s stories, Jungwon’s always been one of the lives of the party. He’s always in his huge group of school friends, dancing in the middle of the room, screaming into the microphones, spraying people with water guns. Jungwon was in fact one of the reasons you don’t go to parties often, because you can’t escape his loud personality. So seeing him in the corner, alone, with a bland expression on his face, you feel your heart sink.
And for some reason, you find yourself throwing on an outfit, fixing your hair, putting on some makeup and rushing out the doors.
“Hey!” Yeji approaches you, squeezing your side. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming, we would have got my man to pick you up!” She screams over the music, looking at you excitedly.
Before you can answer her, Yeji’s dragging you further into the house. “It’s been so long since you’ve come to a party, Y/N!” She cheers, putting down her drink to hold onto your other hand and start dancing with you. Smiling awkwardly, you dance along a little, but your eyes keep batting around the room, searching for that one familiar face. Yeji leans forward to yell into your ear, “Is something wrong?!”
You wince at the volume of her voice, flinching away in fear that she’ll damage your eardrum if she shouts any louder. “I’m fine! Have you seen-?!”
“Sunghoon?!” Yeji asks, both of your bodies still swaying along to the music. “Chaeryoung told us you broke it off with him! That’s why she’s over there with him now!” She points over to the kitchen where the two of them are. You watch as Chaeryoung giggles at whatever Sunghoon is saying, leaning into his taller frame and shyly touching his forearm.
Well, that was quick of him to move on.
Yeji holds onto both of your arms before looking into your eyes endearingly, “Do you still like him?! You know, we really need to talk about stuff like this more!” She explains as you squint your eyes, the LED flashing lights and blaring music making it difficult to focus on what she’s saying. “I miss our girly talks where we’d all talk about boys, and-!”
“Y/N!” Yuna appears from your left, immediately hugging you as she does. “You should have told me you were coming, we could have got Yeji’s boyfriend to pick you up!”
You and Yeji giggle at Yuna repeating the same phrase—realising that your whole friend group practically rely on Yeji’s boyfriend for travel. “It’s fine, I just came here for-!”
“Sunghoon?!” She asks, giving you an empathetic look. “He’s with Chaeryoung!”
Now why does everyone assume you’re here for Sunghoon?
“No, I’m here for Jungwon!”
“What?!” Both your friends yell in unison, animating their confusion with their furrowed brows and cringed noses.
“Jungwon!”
Yuna eyes Yeji a little worriedly before she bends down to speak in your ear. “You’re not going to confess, are you?” Unfortunately, you haven’t given your best friend the news of what happened between you and your so-called-enemy, so you chuckle awkwardly when she asks. “Because my parents will kill me if they find out, Y/N.”
You shake your head and offer her a fake smile, “No, don’t worry, I just need to speak to him.”
Reluctantly, she lets you go and you search the house for Jungwon. But instead, you’re met with another distraction. Perfect.
You don’t even need to turn around to know that a certain black-haired tall boy is standing behind you as you recognise the feeling of his chest almost pressed against your back. Sighing aggravatingly, you turn around to meet him. “Hey.”
Sunghoon takes a few seconds to respond, his eyes roaming your face and outfit longingly. “It’s been awhile!” He shouts, giggling at the awkwardness of having to speak over the music before stuffing his hands in his jean pockets. “You look really nice!”
“What?!”
“I said, you look really nice!” He repeats, this time a beautiful smile washing over his strong features. He grins at you, smiling so wide you get a perfect view of his teeth and tiny eyes.
“Thank you! So do you!” You laugh, but your smile turns sour once you remember your last conversation with him and the reason why you’re here.
Swiftly, Sunghoon pulls you by your waist, taking you by surprise. Keeping your attention on him distracted you from the shift in music from EDM to a much slower song, so when Sunghoon tugs you to dance with him, you’re panicking. His fingers hold you softly, barely touching you at all, and when you look up into his eyes, they’re already staring back down at you. He’s perfect; practically everything anyone wants in a partner. So why is Jungwon still the only person on your mind right now?
The room is a lot quieter now, so the two of you don’t need to scream in each other’s faces anymore. Thank God for that.
“Who did you dress up for, pretty?” Your cheeks can’t help but flare up at the pet name, and you have to purse your lips from smiling like a child. “It definitely wasn’t for me, was it?” There’s a sad smile to his lips, causing you to break the heavy eye contact.
“I just didn’t want to stick out, that’s all. It’d be weird if I came in normal clothes.” Mumbling, you notice the way Sunghoon lets go of your waist with one hand, only to interlock it with yours.
“So if you didn’t come here to party, why’d you come?” He asks, and all of a sudden the spinning is starting to make you a little dizzy.
You gaze up at him with round eyes, knowing full well that he’s aware of why you came here. You hate the fact that he’s forcing you to say it out loud—to come to terms with your emotions that you absolutely despise right now. Your life could be so much easier if you really did have feelings for Sunghoon (despite the fact that Chaeryoung likes him too, maybe that would have been a bit messy) because showing up to a loud, rowdy place like this for a boy who absolutely hates your guts is just too complicated for your heart to handle.
Liking Sunghoon would have been easier, and even though you’re dancing in his arms right now, you’re still choosing Jungwon.
“I need to tell him.”
“About the motorbike or about your feelings?”
You gulp, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I already told him about the bike. So now I need to apologise.”
“He’s hurt you, Y/N, really bad. I don’t get why you picked him.” His face is stern, making you tug your bottom lip between your teeth.
Slowly, you let go of Sunghoon’s hand, and take his other off your waist. Looking up at him, you offer him a heartfelt smile before resting your hands on his chest. You take in a deep breath before looking up at him directly and say, “Neither do I.”
And like the two of you are some characters ripped out of the pages of a novel, you break away from each other, time slowing down as you walk away from him. Seeing Chaeryoung latch onto him while you walk backwards puts you at ease a little, you hope he sees the charm in your friend, you really do.
You’ve been searching for Jungwon for around ten minutes now, and you figure he’s left since you can’t go too far in a house, can you? You end up proving yourself wrong, however, when you walk into the upstairs balcony and spot him staring into the view.
Quietly, you lean against the balcony beside him, keeping your eyes on him in case he makes an indication that he wants you to leave.
With his gaze locked onto the city, not even sparing you a glance, Jungwon sighs deeply. “What are you doing here?”
“I just needed some fresh air,” You lie, unable to muster up the courage to explain the real reason.
“Okay, well, I think you’ve breathed in enough and you can leave now.” He mutters through jarred teeth. He looks just as angry as the day you told him about the motorbike, the steam still whistling at the top of his head. His jaw is shut tight, making his jawline look sharp enough to stab you with, and his eyes are doing their own damage to the sky with how narrow he’s piercing them.
Turning to face him, you instinctively reach out your hand to hold his arm, “Jungwon, I’m sor-”
Of course he recoils his arm away and of course he gives you a disgusted look. It’s only natural—you kind of deserve this. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
His tone flicks a switch inside of you unknowingly as you retort, “I was just apologising?”
“No, you don’t get to apologise,” He points at you with one hand, his other leaning against the balcony frame. His brows are lowered and his tongue is occasionally poking the inside of his cheek. “You broke my..you broke my bike.” His voice breaks, and you notice the way his bottom lip quivers. “My bike. Do you know…do you know how many memories me and my parents made in Thailand? My dad taught me how to ride it, and my mum sat at the back of it while I drove on the beach and..” He sniffles, bringing up his hand to wipe at his eyes before turning away from you. “And then out of all people you ended up helping me fix it. You’re messed up, that’s-that’s not normal.” He mutters, in between quick and raspy breaths.
Watching the scene unfold in front of you, your eyes begin to tear up, too. You made Jungwon cry again. That’s twice. That’s one more than he’s done. Just when you thought you brought the old Jungwon back you broke him again. Seeing his shoulders shudder as he cries quietly into his hands has you clutching onto your chest tightly in hopes you don’t break, too.
“I’m sorry..” You whisper.
“You don’t get to say that!” He repeats, shouting into his hands.
“But, I mean it,” you say a little louder, wiping away the tears that managed to slip out to keep your voice as still as possible.
Hastily, Jungwon turns back around, “No, you don’t get to say that because..” The dark haired boy brings down his hands to reveal his face. You’ve never seen him like this; eyes soaked and his nose red and swollen. “Because it should be me. And that’s why I’m so mad.”
“It should be you? Apologising?” You ask, unconsciously inching towards him, unaware of how close your bodies are.
His eyes wander around your face for a little while before he sucks in a deep breath, “Yeah, whatever.” Sniffling, he turns his head back to the view of the city. “Obviously, you only did that because of me.”
“No, Jungwon, that was something personal to you. I-I went too far.”
Taking you by surprise, he groans into his hand loudly before looking back at you again. “You didn’t know that it was personal!” He yells, forcing you to jerk your head back a little with wide eyes. “You didn’t know that because we don’t know each other! We don’t-!” His chest heaves laboriously as his brown eyes bore deep into yours. “We’ve known each other for so long, longer than Heeseung or Jongseong or..Sunghoon.” He mumbles the last part, his lips forming into a pout.
“Yet we don’t know anything about each other?” You finish off his sentence, making sure to keep eye contact this time, because now is the time to let it all out. Now is the time for the two of you to confront the stupid situation you’ve trapped yourselves in for years. “I know,” You whisper, before pursing your lips, trying not to spill out every thought running through your mind right now.
You spot the way the shape of Jungwon’s eyes change from slitting to more rounded. They’re large and round at the front but pull out at the sides, similar to those of a cat. For some reason, his eyes are comforting.
“Yeah..” He lets out a shaky breath. “All I know is that you’re this girl that lives across the street that has the most perfect life.”
You scoff, “Well, if you call bad grades and single-”
“You have parents that hug you every morning when you leave the house for school. You have friends that will stick by you even when you ask them to do something as stupid as break your neighbour’s bike.” You both chuckle at that bit. “You’re just.. I’ve always wanted to have that. Sometimes I think of what it would be like if I switched places with you.”
Naturally, you respond with, “Well, if you had to deal with a certain someone that makes you hate leaving your house everyday, I don’t think you’d want to be me.” You laugh at your joke, before noticing the way Jungwon’s face drops. Shit—he’s the certain someone. “Wait, I didn’t mean it like-”
“No you did. That’s why you broke my bike.” He says firmly, and the urge to look away pushes through and you turn your head away from him.
You should know by now to always expect the unexpected when it comes from Jungwon. Because the next thing you hear is a muffled snort followed by a soft laughter. Looking back at him, you’re perplexed. Was this a joke? Was this all just another prank? Does he really have no feelings? Are the police waiting at the bottom of the house to lock you away for years?
Jungwon breaks into an even louder laughter when he sees your expression, resting his elbows on the balcony rail and burying his head into his hands to try and quieten himself down. “I’m sorry,” he giggles, shaking his head, “It’s just.. I was such an asshole to you. My bike getting broken was just karma if you think about it.”
“Are you saying you deserve it?” You ask doubtfully, scared you’re dipping into hot water.
“It feels like it. I couldn’t stop thinking about how shocked you were when I was being nice for once. Like, I was really that bad, huh?”
You join in on his laughter, “We shouldn’t be laughing about this.” You say, before taking another look at Jungwon and bursting into another fit of giggles with him at the same time.
This is weird. Your arms are bumping against each other, you’re laughing so much your cheeks and throat are sore, and you can’t stop gazing into Jungwon’s eyes as you both smile with each other. You know. You’ve known since Sunghoon told you that you think about Jungwon way more than you should. You’ve known since the first time your legs touched each other accidentally that day you were fixing his bike. You’ve known since the time you watched him happily munch away on your mum’s kimbap.
You know exactly why your heart is racing right now. Racing for the idiot you’ve been hating since you were eleven years old. Racing for your so-called-enemy of six years. Racing for the guy that just laughed about how badly he’s treated you. You’re so dumb, catching feelings for someone like Jungwon. Your cheeks should not be burning right now. He’s just Jungwon, you try to remind yourself.
Buried deep in your thoughts, you didn’t even realise the two of you have stopped laughing. It’s only now that you notice Jungwon’s eyes flickering between yours and your lips, and that he’s steadily leaning towards you. If your heart was racing before, it��s sprinting down a freaking marathon now. You stay still, waiting to see (or feel) whatever happens next. You’re too scared to initiate anything in case you freak the boy out and he backs away. Because what reason would he have to lean in right now? What reason would he have to like you back?
What reason would Yang Jungwon have to kiss you?
All of your questions fly out of the window as soon as his lips latch onto yours softly. Letting out a little gasp, although you were already expecting this, your hand flies to the balcony rail immediately. This is your first kiss. You always expected it to be more romantic; on a date with a guy in the park, or under a sakura tree at school. You never thought you’d kiss someone a few minutes after watching them cry their eyes out.
His lips are soft, though, so you close your eyes to feel them more. A hand reaches the back of your head as he tilts his head, a shaky breath blowing into yours. You can’t help but smile into the kiss, giggling at how inexperienced you both are. You both pull away, and you’re a little disappointed at the lack of..well..kissing there was. You’re pretty sure your lips are actually supposed to move in a kiss. So, pulling on every string of courage you have, you place your hands on either side of his shoulders and pull Jungwon in for a second round. This time, you tilt your head and open your lips a little, your stomach filling with butterflies when Jungwon lets out a sigh of relief against you. His movements are gentle, and the tenderness of his small lips opening and closing within yours causes your head to spin a little. He’s a little too good at this, his thumbs rubbing circles on either side of your waist making you feel all mushy inside.
You hate him. You hate how good he is at kissing even though it’s his first time.
Pulling away, you can’t help but cover your face. Jungwon giggles at you quietly, making your body heat up even more. You feel his hands clasp around your wrists as he pulls them away from your face, shoving his right in yours. You’ve never seen this expression on his face before. His cheeks are bright red and puffed out, his lips are a little puffy and his eyes are rounder than you’ve ever seen them before. A genuine, really pretty smile sits on his lips as he speaks up again.
“We cannot tell anyone about this.”
“Agreed.”
-
A/N | and that's a wrap! i'm ngl i dont really understand the hype for this fic i wish i did things a lot differently ahahah,, but u guys really enjoyed it and that's all that matters!
#jungwon x y/n#jungwon x reader#jungwon x you#jungwon x female reader#jungwon fanfic#jungwon fluff#jungwon angst#jungwon drabbles#jungwon scenarios#jungwon imagines#enhypen x reader#enhypen x you#enhypen x female reader#enhypen angst#enhypen fluff#enhypen fic#yang jungwon x reader
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
infrunami
PROMPT: ‘fixing their tie’ from list iii.
wc: 0.4k genre: fluff pairing: bf!jungwon x gn!reader warnings: none! just jungwon himself
🧇: im sorry but i love these pics of jungwon hes so adorable omygodddddd. thank you for requesting this anon!! i hope u like it 💗
you were positive that you were going to freeze your ass off.
sitting in the back of the class meant that the cool air from the ac would be hitting you directly, and you had conveniently forgotten to bring your sweater.
but you just had to deal with it for a few more seconds. the bell would ring any time no-
rrrinnnnggg
and theres goes the bell.
you rushed out of class, running out anxious to meet your boyfriend. youd been missing him terribly for some reason. not seeing his face every other minute wasnt great.
you wait by your usual bus stop and your heart trips in its place when your eyes find him rushing to you smiling.
he gives you a big warm hug, that you reciprocate with all your love. he doesnt let go even after a minute.
“won? are you alright?” you ask him, pulling away to see his gorgeous face. he smiles at you, fingers intertwined.
“yeah. i just really really missed you today. a lot. for some reason.”
“guess youre not the only one then.” you say, landing a small kiss on his cheeks, his smile widening.
your bus would take another ten minutes to arrive, so you ask him about his day, as if you hadn’t seen each other in ages.
midway his rambling, you notice his tie a bit loose. not wanting to interrupt his monologue, you just pull him closer and start fixing his tie.
he visibly softens at the action, and stops talking.
you look up at him “huh? go on im listening. i just wanted to fix your tie. dont worry im listening.”
maybe it was the atmosphere, maybe it was just you, or actually he doesnt know what it was, that made him want to kiss you so badly then and there.
and he does, after you finish fixing his tie.
he pulls you in by the waist, cupping your jaw and pressing his lips onto yours. you let out a small gasp in surprise, and he takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss.
he rubs his fingers across your cheek, and your heart feels like its about to burst out of its cage.
“what was that for?” you ask when he pulls away
“i dont know. you just looked really kissable.”
oh yang jungwon.
send in a request 🕰️
#k-labels#yang jungwon fluff#jungwon#jungwon fluff#yang jungwon#yang jungwon imagines#yang jungwon enhypen#yang jungwon smau#yang jungwon scenarios#yang jungwon angst#jungwon scenarios#jungwon x reader#jungwon angst#jungwon imagines#jungwon smau#jungwon enha#enha jungwon#enhypen headers#enhypen fluff#enha fluff#enha imagines#enhypen jungown#jungwon enhypen#enhypen jungwon#jennaissantes 🕰️ 1k!
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
The epitome of opposites attracting: Yang Jungwon
pairing: Jungwon x reader
sypnosis: In a high school where rivalry is the norm, Jungwon and you find themselves on opposite ends of the spectrum. Jungwon, the charming and laid-back top achiever, crosses paths with You, a sharp-witted and sarcastic student. Despite their differences, both of you are driven by a fierce competitive spirit that permeates the halls of the school. As the two of you navigate the ups and downs of high school life, Jungwon and you discover that opposites truly do attract, leading you two on a journey of self-discovery, growth, and ultimately, love.
genre: Academic rivals to lovers
warnings: swearing, kissing, angst but happy ending
note: Hi there!! This is my first time ever creating a story. Honestly, I'm not a writer, so if there are any mistakes, my bad! I've never really done this before, but I just felt like giving it a shot. I just got inspired by all the amazing stuff our fellow Engenes have been writing. This is probably going to be my one and only story, to be honest. I don't think I'll write again after this. Anyway, enjoy reading it!
Decelis High was a prestigious academy where one's achievements often determined their future. You and Jungwon had been labeled as academically gifted students, and you were constantly pitted against each other as a result. The recognition of your achievements fueled a rivalry between the two of you, and despite the public praise, there was mounting tension between the two.
In the halls of Decelis High, Jungwon's name evoked envy among his peers. He was the embodiment of a model son: effortlessly charming, laid-back, wealthy, and intelligent. Under a seemingly flawless exterior, however, there lurked a rival unexpectedly formidable: you. You came from an ordinary life but had an intellect that was on the same level as his. The notion of intellectual parity with him wounded Jungwon's pride.
You stand in front of a list pasted on the wall—a list of students' achievements in various competitions—in the empty hallways of Decelis High. Your name, including Jungwon’s, are listed on the list several times over. The achievements of the two had become a recurring topic of discussion among your fellow classmates. Whether it was a case of 'like attracts like' or 'opposite attracts each other', you and Jungwon were considered two of the brightest and best-performing students at Decelis High. However, despite the public recognition and praise you both received, there remained a lingering tension between the two of you. An awareness of the competitive undercurrents that continued to fuel rivalry.
As you continued to look at the list, Jungwon was just behind you without you realizing it. He had been discreetly following you as you stared at the list of achievements in front of you. He was impressed by your achievements and the competitive drive that fueled your desire to achieve success. Seeing you absorbed in the list, he remained close by, watching you from behind.
The tense silence was suddenly broken as a playful voice rang out.
"And here I thought that the bright spot of your day would be when you'd win the top rank for the third quarter tests," he teased, a smirk playing on his lips.
Startled by his sudden presence, you turned to face him and met his smug expression. "Surprised to see me?,” he quipped, continuing to tease. "I see now that instead, you'd prefer to marvel at the list of your accomplishments." His teasing tone continued with a sly grin on his face. "That's all it takes to impress you? An ordinary list of names and achievements?"
You scowled, defending the significance of the achievements. "Months of hard work went into those accomplishments, including mine and yours. Of course, it's impressive."
But you were surprised when Jungwon's expression suddenly shifted to a more serious one when he sensed your indifference to his teasing. "Is my presence not worth your time? Am I really that insignificant?" His tone remained serious even as he asked the question, hoping that you'd be quick to respond with some sort of denial.
"Huh? " You furrowed your eyebrows at his words.
Jungwon raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side, his tone dripping with mock annoyance. "Aren't you going to say anything?"
When you remained silent and only continued to look at him confusedly, he sighed, sounding more annoyed as he spoke. "I was expecting you to deny that I'm insignificant. Am I not even worthy of a single denial?"
Confused by his sudden seriousness, you hesitated before responding, "I'm not saying you're insignificant."
Jungwon's annoyance quickly dissipated when he saw that you were no longer ignoring him. "You're not?" He spoke with an amused smirk. "Aren't I worth a tiny token of your attention? Don't you feel at least a bit irked whenever I'm nearby?"
You scoffed at what he said. "Of course I do. Your existence is just pure annoyance to me."
Jungwon smirked when he heard your response, and his tone instantly became more sarcastic and mocking. "Of course you do." He stepped close to you in the empty hallway, his presence now palpable and unsettling. "Does the mere sight of me infuriate you? I take it that means I have succeeded in getting on your nerves?" Jungwon grins before he speaks, enjoying the fact that he was able to get a reaction from you. You, on the other hand, tried your best to keep your composure and not give him the satisfaction.
Maintaining your composure, you retorted, "You're not worth my time, Jungwon. Let's just celebrate our achievements and move on." You replied with a sarcastic tone, and with that, you walked away.
Jungwon's usual smile quickly faded into an annoyed and slightly hurt expression upon sensing your sarcasm. Determined not to let the exchange end there, he hastened to catch up with you. "Excuse me? "He called out.
You responded with a cold "you are excused," continuing to walk away.
Jungwon's annoyance simmered, bordering on frustration, as he struggled to articulate his feelings. "Do you ever get tired of that sarcastic attitude of yours? "He asked, his tone tinged with irritation.
Rolling your eyes, you retorted, "Never."
His arms crossed, and Jungwon tilted his head in annoyance. "Never?," he echoed, his tone implying the absurdity of your response.
"Do you ever get tired of that irritating attitude of yours? "You shot back, frowning at him.
Jungwon was about to respond when he caught the sarcasm in your tone.
Though he was accustomed to your sarcastic retorts, there was something grating about this one. Frowning, he spoke with a hint of edge, "What irritating attitude?"
You listed off his behaviors, "Constantly following me, being annoying, ruining my day."
His frown deepened at your words. It almost sounded as if you were blaming him for all your problems, which, he begrudgingly admitted, might be partially true. Narrowing his eyes, he asked with a trace of irritation, "And do you honestly believe I'm ruining your day? Following you just to inconvenience you? "
Jungwon's jaw clenched tightly in frustration when he heard your response.
You had not denied his accusations, instead choosing to accept them as the truth. To think that after everything, you still see him as someone who was out to make your life miserable. This thought hurt him more than you could ever imagine. "...Why? "Jungwon's voice was barely audible, tainted with a strong hint of vulnerability.
"Can't you see? You enjoy insulting me and annoying the shit out of me." you retorted, hands clenched in frustration.
Jungwon could barely maintain his composure when he heard you say that, as if you weren't one to make insults yourself. After all this time, did you still not realize that the insults were just part of his playful persona?
"Insults?" Jungwon spoke with a hint of annoyance in his voice, his expression remaining cold. "You still haven't learned to take a joke?"
"Joking or not, maybe you should find other girls that are more compatible with you," you snapped, irritation evident.
Jungwon's eyebrows rose in surprise when he heard your response. "Other girls?" He could suddenly feel the heat rising in him, an unfamiliar sensation that told him that your words had affected him emotionally. He frowned and spoke, still unable to hide the hint of annoyance in his voice. "Are you implying that I should be talking to other girls instead of bothering you?"
"Yes," you replied curtly.
Jungwon's expression stiffened upon hearing your blunt answer. He remained silent for a moment, his mind racing as he tried to make sense of your words.
The thought that you'd be so willing to accept the idea of him moving on from you to pursue other girls instead hit him hard. For a moment, he was at a loss for words, trying to hide the hurt and vulnerability in him.
You sighed as you noticed his silence. "The attitude of mine is something that you shouldn't be dealing with, Jungwon. You should be hating me." You were aware of how horrible your personality was. Yet, you weren't one to change.
"Hate you?" Jungwon outright laughed, a cold and sarcastic laugh that mocked your suggestion. "Do you actually think I could ever hate you?" His tone was filled with derision, daring you to challenge his words.
Confused, you asked, "What do you mean?"
"What do you mean, what do I mean?" Jungwon repeated your words in a mocking tone, shaking his head from side to side. "I'm just surprised by your notion that I'd hate you. Are we not rivals?" Jungwon's tone turned more sarcastic, bordering on condescending, as he spoke with a smirk.
"We are. So why can't you hate me?" You furrowed your eyebrows once again.
Confused by his words..
"You really think I can hate you, don't you?" Jungwon scoffed and spoke with sarcasm and condescension. “If I hated you, how would I keep pushing myself to get better, to be one step ahead of you? "Jungwon paused for a moment before continuing. "You being my rival is what spurs me to keep growing, to reach the next level. Without you, I'd have never had the motivation to accomplish so much."
Unable to say any words, you muttered, "You idiot..you are annoying."
Jungwon's jaw clenched tightly as he heard your words. The way you said it made him sound as if he was just a nuisance to you. Unable to think of a clever comeback, he spoke again, this time with more anger and sarcasm. "And you are unbearable. Your stubborn and cold attitude is insufferable."
"Just talk to others. I don't want to hurt you more." You replied softly at first, but then with resignation.
"Hurt me…"
Jungwon's heart skipped a beat when he heard your words, his usual arrogant and dismissive attitude instantly vanishing as he realized the implication in your statement. "Hurt me? "Jungwon repeated your words with bitterness, but his tone quickly shifted back into sarcasm.
"Really? "Jungwon scoffed and shook his head. "You think your words can hurt me? "
"Yes," you affirmed.
"Yes?" Jungwon scoffed again, this time with an even more mocking and condescending tone in his voice. "So I suppose that you mean every word you've said so far, then? " The way you nonchalantly dismissed the notion that your words could ever hurt him stung more than he cared to admit.
You justified yourself, "I'm not worth your time. We're opposites. We're rivals, even."
Jungwon's mouth twitched as he heard your honest words. Your nonchalant attitude towards the situation, as if this were something you'd said many times before, only made his heart ache more. "Opposites attract, right? It's also said that our rivals are our true equals." His tone retained its mocking and condescending nature, but there was a hint of something else behind the words, something his voice didn't allow to reach the surface.
"I don't want to hurt you," you stated firmly, though your eyes hinted at a different emotion.
"You're not hurting me." Jungwon spoke with a sarcastic and dismissive tone, still clinging to his usual attitude. He refused to admit that your words were affecting him. "The only thing you're doing is irritating me."
"By what? " you pressed
"By everything. By your cold, dismissive, and sarcastic attitude. By pushing me away," Jungwon spoke with bitterness and irritation, trying to mask his underlying vulnerability with a sarcastic tone. "You're annoying me so much that it's driving me crazy."
Jungwon paused
"You want to know the truth? The truth that l've been dying to say but kept holding myself back? "Jungwon kept his calm demeanor, but his tone was laced with a bit of bitterness. After being forced to confront his feelings, his sarcasm and bitterness began to seep through his words.
"What do you mean? "You demanded, narrowing your eyes.
Jungwon was silent for a moment before he spoke. His words were harsh and blunt, reflecting the inner conflict within him. "I hate how nonchalant and cold you are towards me. I hate how you refuse to admit that we're more than just rivals." Jungwon spoke with more bitterness and irritation now, but there was something else in his voice, something his words failed to convey.
"What are we, then, Jungwon? "
"In my opinion..." Jungwon spoke this time with a hint of vulnerability. "We're not just rivals..to me, we're the epitome of opposites attracting." Though his voice still betrayed an edge of insecurity, there was no mistaking the hint of sincerity and honesty behind his words.
"We may be poles apart at times," Jungwon continued, slowly gaining more confidence in his words. "But we push each other towards improvement, encouraging one another to be the best versions of ourselves. I wouldn't be as hardworking as I am today if it weren't for you. Don't say that I should go talk to other girls when I only want you."
"And... as for the whole hate thing... as much as I dislike admitting it..."
Jungwon paused again as a hint of vulnerability crept back in his tone. "I can't bring myself to hate you."
"Why? I am rude. A horrible person to be with," you expressed, frustration evident in your voice. His admission caught you off guard—unexpected and shocking.
"Because you are also the one who keeps pushing me forward." Jungwon's voice remained quiet and low when he spoke. "Because, despite all the insults, despite all your harsh words..." he paused again as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. "You are the one who inspires me because..." Jungwon's eyes finally met yours for a brief moment as he continued speaking.
"Because I like you, damn it."
Your eyes widened at his confession, his words sinking in. The person you were cold and harsh to, your rival, admitted his feelings, letting go of his pride.
Thoughts raced through your mind as you met his desperate gaze.
"You like me…?" you whispered, disbelief coloring your tone.
"Yes." Jungwon's tone remained soft and sincere as he spoke, but his eyes were quick to avert away from yours as he finished his sentence. He took a deep breath and spoke again, trying to hide the nervousness and uncertainty in his voice. "I really like you. You drive me crazy. But you'll only drive me crazier if you keep pushing me away."
"So please.." Jungwon was silent for a moment as he struggled to maintain his composure. He could feel every ounce of vulnerability and fear within him spilling out. "Don't push me away. Don't make me want to give up on everything and move on."
His whole world is centered around you. Without you, life would be so dull.
"Please," he said, speaking these words with pure sincerity and desperation.
His usual confident demeanor was completely gone now. He was speaking directly from his heart, begging you to accept the truth.
But out of nowhere, arms were wrapped around him tightly. Startling him.
Jungwon froze in place when he felt you pull him into a hug. All he could do was stand there, utterly stunned, as he waited to see if his feelings were just playing with him or if the hug was real. He never expected for the same girl, who was rude and harsh towards him, to actually hug him while her head was resting on his shoulder. The reality of it hit him in that instant. Jungwon hugged you back, wrapping his arms around your body and holding you close to him. For a moment, he just stood there, his body trembling with every ounce of fear and relief that was coursing through him.
"You idiot." you whispered softly as you hugged him.
"Idiot? " Jungwon repeated your words with bitterness and annoyance in his tone, not wanting to admit the comfort that your hug provided. He pulled away from you slightly to face your eyes and spoke, a smirk appearing on his face as he tried to tease you. "You're calling me an idiot when it's obvious that you like me too? "
"I do. You are an idiot. But you are my idiot."
"My... idiot? "Jungwon's eyes widened when you confessed to liking him. The way you had worded it was strangely endearing and comforting, which, in turn, made his heart ache for you even more. Jungwon frowned and spoke, his tone shifting from irritation to teasing. "So you admit that you like me? Then why try to push me away? Why act so coldly towards me?"
"You don't know how many people I've hurt because of my attitude, Jungwon," you replied softly. "I don't want to hurt many more, especially you."
"You're afraid that you might hurt me? "Jungwon repeated your words softly, unable to stop himself from feeling touched by your concerns. "But I can handle your attitude." His tone shifted from soft to teasing again. "Besides, what I do think is that you're just making up an excuse so you won't have to admit that you actually care for me."
Your head tilted. "You can handle?"
"Yeah. " Jungwon's tone remained soft as he spoke, still not hiding the hint of sweetness in his words. "Just keep being your bitchy self," Jungwon suddenly grinned and added in a teasing tone. "I can handle it."
"I'm bitchy, but I still managed to pull you? " you teased back
Jungwon smirked at your words, his confidence returning as he teased you back. "You won't just manage, I'll gladly let you pull me." His tone retained that teasingly flirty nature, but there was a hint of something else behind the words, just like before. Pulling you closer, his hands settled on your waist, relishing the closeness between you.
"You idiot," you muttered, burying your face in his chest.
"What's with this idiotic treatment? "Jungwon remained silent for a moment, enjoying the feeling of your body pressed against his chest. A slight smile appeared on his lips, and he spoke with teasing and flirtation in his voice. "Are you trying to flirt with me?’’
"Tsk! I'm not," you replied, your voice muffled against his chest.
"You could have fooled me." Jungwon remained silent again, his lips curving into a teasing smirk. The way you were pressing yourself against his chest was too tempting for the flirting to be unintentional.
"I'm a bitchy person who's also your rival," you stated matter-of-factly.
"And I'm someone who has a thing for bitchy rivals." Jungwon spoke with sarcasm and flirtation in his voice. You felt butterflies stir in your stomach when he said it. It actually drove you insane. This guy really...
"You're driving me insane," you confessed softly, your voice muffled against him.
"Am I? "He replied with a flirty tone. "I thought that it was the other way around."
"It can go both ways," you countered, the tension between you palpable.
"You drive me insane...l drive you insane." Jungwon repeated your words softly, still hugging you as he spoke.
With a sudden burst of courage, you blurted out, "I want to kiss you."
Jungwon widened his eyes for a second before. "Mm..do it then..." he smirked and spoke in a flirty manner, his eyes lingering on your lips, just daring you to make the first move.
His whole world stopped when your lips touched his. His breathing grew heavier as his heartbeat increased, leaving him breathless from the feeling. He wanted that kiss to last forever. The way your body pressed against him, the way your lips felt, the way your hair smelled—everything made him want this moment to never end. Jungwon cupped your face with his hands as he kissed you back, unable to hold back his growing affection for you.
Finally, the kiss ended after literally 15 freaking minutes.
He tried to clear his head, but he was unable to do so. His body remained trembling, his heart beating out of sync, and his whole world seemed to spin around him. He could barely manage to keep his breath steady.
"God, you are beautiful. I love you," he whispered with so much love and affection. He was down for you. Badly.
You tilted your head slightly and said, "You love me? "
Jungwon pulled his head away with an effort and stared at you. Your lips were still slightly smudged from the kiss, and your cheeks were a beautiful shade of pink. "Yes." He spoke this time with more sincerity than he'd ever spoken to you before. "Yes. I love you. I really do, and I'd do anything for you."
"I love you too, idiot." you replied with a smile, gazing into his eyes with equal affection.
"You love me..." Jungwon remained silent for a moment as he let your words sink in. He felt a tinge of sweetness fill him as you spoke those words. His body seemed to relax the moment you confessed to loving him. He felt a wave of happiness wash over him.
Then he grinned and teased you. "I love you more."
You only pulled him into another kiss.
Jungwon smiled as he felt your lips press against his once more. His arms tightened around your body the second the kiss started, refusing to let you go.
He wanted to stay like this forever, enjoying the feeling of your warm body pressed against his own, savoring the taste of your lips, and just letting time stop in this very moment. An image of him marrying you played in his mind as you two kissed. He was definitely planning to pull out a ring for you in the future. He just doesn't want you away from him.
Months later, your relationship with him went to the next level. The rivalry turned into something more. You both understand each other so well now. All your sarcasm and insults were interpreted differently than before: they are just your way of showing that you care. You also gained confidence with each passing day, letting your walls fall slowly down and starting to open up and trust Jungwon. The two rivals are now an inseparable couple. They can complete each other's sentences, read the other person's thoughts with just a glance, know the other person's likes and dislikes, and anticipate each other's next move.
Indeed, they are the epitome of opposites attracting.
#jungwon x reader#jungwon#yang jungwon#yang jungwon x reader#yang jungwon x you#jungwon x you#jungwon x y/n#enhypen#enhypen jungwon#enhypen x you#enhypen imagines#enhypen ff#enhypen x reader#enhypen x female reader#yang jungwon x y/n#jungwon ff#enhypen fanfics#jungwon scenarios#jungwon imagines#enha jungwon#jungwon enhypen#enhypen fluff#jungwon fluff#jungwon angst#enhypen angst#enhypen scenarios#reader x jungwon#jungwon fanfic
260 notes
·
View notes
Text
haru yo, koi — yang jungwon.
synopsis. Life is fragile. You’ve known this ever since you got diagnosed with a rare disease that gives you only 10 years to live. You tell yourself to not fall in love, but then you meet Yang Jungwon in the middle of a park surrounded by cherry blossom trees. But just like the fleetingness of the cherry blossoms, your romance with Jungwon is short lived. You can only hope that the universe will be kind enough to offer you a second chance.
genre. angst, fluff, friends to lovers to ?, inspired by the movie the last 10 years.
pairing. non-idol! jungwon x fem! reader
warnings. reader and jungwon are 22, mentions of death, hospital, disease, illness, one scene where drinking is involved, probably some medical inaccuracies
word count. 34.9k
author’s note. hello! haru yo koi is finally here and i am so excited for u all to read it !! i hope there aren’t any glitches or anything esp since i had to use the legacy editor 😭😭 so praying there’s no issues w this 😭 this is the longest fic ive ever written and i rlly rlly hope u all enjoy it <3 pls give ur thoughts / feedback in an ask or comment ! they mean a lot to me <33 enjoyyy <3
ONE.
The clock is always ticking.
You remind yourself of this daily. Most people your age don’t exactly think about death coming to knock on their door — but you think you’re quite prepared. You have been for quite a while.
You peer outside your window for a split second, taking a break from writing. You see people on the street with bright smiles plastered across their lips. You wish you could be as carefree as they are, and not constantly worried about whether your life will slip away in just the next second.
You were diagnosed with a rare incurable disease when you were 17. You’ve got 10 years, they say. But even though they had said 10 years, you could still pass suddenly – so in some way, you might have less than 10. Slowly but surely, you’ve come to accept that this is your fate.
“It’s spring, (Name).” You suddenly hear the voice of Chaewon, your older sister. “Do you want to go see the cherry blossoms?”
You don’t turn your head to look at her. “Go with Soobin.”
“I am going with Soobin. I’m just asking if you wanted to come with us.” she asks, and you finally look at her.
“It’s okay,” you tell her. “I don’t want to ruin your date.”
“(Name), you won’t be. Come on. You can’t just… spend the rest of your days at home.” she sighs.
Your sister has 10 years to live. Everything came crashing down when Chaewon heard those 7 words. She had never imagined that she would have to lose someone so close to her so early in life, and she didn’t think that out of all people, it would be you.
Life is fragile. It is even more fragile for you. Now, you’re 5 years into your death sentence. The clock is ticking, and you’ve only got 5 years left. 5 years seems like such a long time to most people — but to you, it’s all you have left.
Is 5 years too much time, or none at all?
Chaewon looks at you, silently peering outside your window. She doesn’t know why you aren’t trying to experience life to its fullest, knowing that you only have a couple more years left.
She wants to spend time with you. She doesn’t want to see you holed up in your room, spending every day, every month, and every year doing nothing until your time is up.
Chaewon has had a whole list of things she wanted to do with you ever since she was 8. Travelling, going to concerts, skydiving — all things she thought she would be able to do with you when you both got older.
But with your diagnosis, checking off that bucket list seems like an impossible task.
“Come… please?” Chaewon asks, and you reluctantly get up from your chair. Your sister smiles, handing you your coat that you’ve got hung up on one of the hooks attached to your wall. “If you and Soobin kiss in front of me, I’m leaving.”
Chaewon follows you as you leave your room, watching as you adjust the collar of your coat. “We’re not going to… whatever.”
Soobin is already waiting in the living room, talking to your parents. “Hi, (Name).” Soobin greets you with a smile. You wave at your sister’s boyfriend before going to the kitchen to get a cup of water.
You’ve known Soobin for quite a while now. He’s been your sister’s boyfriend ever since high school, and now he’s a doctor. Apparently, your illness was what motivated him to pursue the career.
“I’m looking for a cure,” he tells you all the time.
Your previous doctors have told you that your illness was incurable. You think that Soobin searching for something that probably doesn’t exist would be a waste of time. While you’re thankful for Soobin trying his best to keep you alive, you think you’ve accepted your fate already.
You watch as Chaewon laces her hands with Soobin’s, before bidding goodbye to your parents. ‘Be careful, (Name).” your father says, and you nod. He says this every time you head outside. “Okay, dad.”
You walk alongside the happy couple, watching as a bright smile spreads across your sister’s lips as Soobin cracks a funny joke. You look at the pavement with an amused smile – what Soobin said was indeed pretty funny.
A few years ago, you had asked Chaewon a question.
What does falling in love feel like?
Because you don’t think it’s something that you’ll ever be able to experience. If you fall in love with someone, that’s another person that’s going to hurt when you pass away abruptly. You don’t want to be a burden to others more than you already have. So, you tell yourself that you shouldn’t fall in love.
Chaewon had replied to you with a fond smile on her face. She talks about Soobin as if he means the world to her. “It’s like… you feel so much joy to the point where you feel like your heart will burst at the seams. Falling in love is different for everyone, I think. Your experience is uniquely yours.”
“Oh,” you said.
“You shouldn’t be scared of falling in love, (Name).” she tells you.
Chaewon says many things that you don’t listen to. Not because you think that her ideas or her words are stupid, it’s just… you don’t think she understands. She tells you to live life to its fullest, but how are you supposed to do that when you’re constantly reminded that you could die suddenly?
You’re the one dying.
Not her.
You shove your hands in your pocket with a sigh. “We’re here,” Soobin says, and you look up. The cherry blossom trees are beautiful. The vibrant pink flowers are beautiful, and you watch as some of the petals cascade down to the pavement. “It’s really pretty, isn’t it?” Chaewon asks you, and you nod.
“Let me get a picture of you both,” Soobin says, and Chaewon links her arm with yours. You both look at the camera, with Chaewon doing a peace sign while you simply smile. “Nice,” Soobin says, after snapping the picture.
“Do you want one with Soobin?” you ask Chaewon, and she nods. Soobin hands you the camera with a grateful smile. Chaewon rests her head on Soobin’s shoulder, her hands laced with his. “One, two, three.” you say as you take the picture.
Your sister looks at Soobin with so much love and adoration. It makes you happy that your sister’s found the right person for her.
“I’m going to look around the park,” you tell Chaewon. She nods, telling you to be careful before you walk off.
You take a deep breath as you walk around, seeing happy couples, old and young, roaming around the park together. You feel the slightest bit of envy when you remember that you’ll never really get to experience what it’s like to love.
You look up at one of the many cherry blossom trees in the park.
In some way, you’d compare yourself to one of these majestic trees.
Cherry blossoms are known for their existence to be short-lived. They symbolise transience, ephemerality. They fall to the pavement as quickly as they bloom.
Just like the cherry blossoms, your existence will be short-lived. You’re running on borrowed time, and you don’t know when that time will run out.
Every breath you take could be your last.
There is a peaceful quietness as you wander around the park, admiring the vibrant pink hues of the flowers in full bloom. The faint smell of the flowers waft through the air, and you watch as some of the petals fall to the pavement.
The quietness is interrupted by a dog bark. A white dog runs up to you, and you look at it, startled and confused. Suddenly, a boy who looks around your age runs up to you.
“I am so sorry about Maeumi,” he says, attaching the leash back onto his dog. “He’s a little energetic sometimes.”
You look at the boy, and something about him feels familiar. Those eyes – you’d recognise them anywhere.
It’s Yang Jungwon, an old classmate of yours. He was the head of the student council during your time at the school, and you remember him even though you weren’t exactly there much due to your illness. But Jungwon was always a kind person, helping out anyone in need. He was friendly, and popular. You knew that many people had a crush on him, including your friend Minji.
“Wait a minute,” Jungwon’s eyes narrow suddenly. Something seems to click, and he gasps. “You’re (Name), right? We were in the same class in high school.”
You’re surprised that even with all his busy duties in high school and with you constantly being away at the hospital, Yang Jungwon still remembers you.
“Yeah, I am,” you say, a small smile on your lips. “I’m surprised you remember who I am.”
“Of course I’d remember you!” Jungwon’s eyes seem to twinkle as he says the words. “We worked together on a project for biology once. Do you remember me?”
You chuckle. “Of course. Yang Jungwon. Head of the student council.”
Jungwon smiles. “Yeah. That’s me.”
There’s a brief moment of silence where you and Jungwon just look at each other, small smiles on both of your faces. Maeumi sits patiently as a few of the cherry blossom petals land on his fur.
“So… what have you been up to?” Jungwon asks you, looking genuinely interested. How are you supposed to respond to that? Because really, you’re not going to just tell him that what you’ve been up to is… hospital.
“Um… work. Got a job,” you lie, nodding. “What about you?”
“I’m a lawyer now,” Jungwon replies, and you smile. “Law. It suits you.”
“Huh. Everyone tells me that,” Jungwon runs his fingers through his hair to make it a little neater. “So… what do you do at work?”
“Writing. I… write.” Well, that wasn’t a complete lie. You do write, just… not for work. You’ve only been working on one thing ever since you got your diagnosis — it’s something akin to a diary, recounting your journey through the last 10 years of your life.
Maybe you’ll get to see it published before you’re gone.
“Oh, that’s so cool!” Jungwon beams. “I know your writing’s great. You wrote for the school newspaper, right?”
It seems like Yang Jungwon remembers a lot about you. You wrote occasionally for the school newspaper when you were well enough to actually write. You’re surprised he remembers that, and you’re quite surprised that he actually read the school newspaper — you thought that with his busy schedule, he wouldn’t have had the time to.
“I did. You have a good memory.”
“Thank you.” Jungwon cracks a smile. The boy looks at the cherry blossom trees, before returning his focus onto you. “They’re pretty, aren’t they?” he asks, and you nod.
“I like the colours.” you say, quietly.
“Me too.”
“(Name), Soobin just got an emergency at the hospital, so he’s had to leave– oh!” Chaewon suddenly appears out of nowhere, startling both you and Jungwon. “Sorry, I didn’t know that you were talking to someone.”
“Oh, it’s okay.” you tell your sister, who looks at you, then looks at Jungwon, then looks at you again. “Was I interrupting something?” she asks, with a small smile on her lips.
“We were just looking at the cherry blossoms.” Jungwon pipes up. “I’m Jungwon. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Chaewon,” your sister says. “Do you know my sister?”
“We went to high school together,” you tell her. “Jungwon was the head of the student council. I’m actually quite surprised he still remembers me, considering how… you know.”
“Yes. I know.”
Jungwon doesn’t know exactly what you and Chaewon are talking about, but it seems personal — and he wouldn’t want to pry. And, you keep mentioning how you’re extremely shocked at the fact that Jungwon seems to remember you.
But, why wouldn’t Jungwon remember his first crush?
Something about you intrigued Jungwon the moment you stepped into the classroom for the first time. It was seventh grade, and you had walked into the room with a small smile on your lips. Jungwon remembers you catching his attention instantly.
You two were partnered together for a project, and you both had quite a few pleasant conversations while working on the assignment. Jungwon remembers walking home with a giddy smile on his lips after he had gone to your house.
But gradually, you started to disappear.
Throughout high school, Jungwon tried to talk to you as much as he could. Problem was, you were almost never at school, and when you were at school, Jungwon always seemed to be busy.
So Jungwon was never able to get closer to you. He couldn’t get to know you better, or find out why he found himself gravitating towards you.
You didn’t even show up for graduation.
The last time Jungwon remembers seeing you was in class one day. You were wrapped in a puffer jacket, a hand warmer in your hands. You looked pale. Jungwon assumed that you might’ve gotten a cold.
He didn’t know that you were sick. He still doesn’t know that you’re sick. Nobody from high school knows, with the exception of Minji and Wonyoung.
He just assumed you were always busy with out of school activities. But he never forgot about you.
“Oh, that reminds me. Ricky’s hosting a reunion party next week for our grade? We’d love for you to come.” Jungwon says, and Chaewon nudges you gently. “You should go,” your sister whispers to you.
“Oh, I… I don’t know. I don’t think people there will really remember me.” you murmur, and Jungwon shakes his head. “No, they will! Just come along. Here, I’ll give you my number, since Ricky’s still making decisions on which restaurant he’s booking. I’ll text you the details.”
You type in Jungwon’s number into your phone slowly, saving his contact. “It was really nice seeing you again. What a coincidence, right?” he beams.
“It was nice seeing you again too, Jungwon. I’ll… let you know if I go.”
“I’ve got to run along now, a friend of mine’s waiting for me.” Jungwon says, a small pout on his lips. “But yeah, text me! I’ll talk to you soon.”
“See you around, Jungwon.” you say softly, and the boy gives you one last big smile before turning around to leave. Chaewon looks at you with a wide grin on her lips. “Come on, you should go!”
“I don’t know,” you say hesitantly. You’re not even sure if people remember you. Or know you at all. You attended school less than 20 times in your last year — to be completely honest, even you found it strange that you graduated. “What if people are like ‘who are you?’ It would make things really awkward.”
“So? Jungwon knows you. Invite Minji and Wonyoung. There, you know four people. Come on, (Name). You should live your life to the fullest.”
As you’re nearing the end of the 10 years that the doctor has given you, you decide that perhaps Chaewon is right. You’ve spent years wallowing in self-pity, spending all your days at home when you could’ve been spending time doing things that you’ve always wanted to do. See people you never thought you’d see again. Go to places that you’ve always wanted to go to.
You take a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll go.”
And as a pink cherry blossom petal brushes against your cheek, you return home with Chaewon by your side, and the thought of Yang Jungwon in the back of your mind.
TWO.
“You saw Yang Jungwon again?” Minji nearly shrieks, as you take a sip of tea from your cup.
Almost immediately after you had returned home, you had messaged Minji and Wonyoung about the gathering that Ricky was holding. Apparently, Wonyoung had gotten a message from someone about it but mistook it for a spam message.
“Yeah. Soobin and Chaewon wanted to go see the cherry blossoms, so they dragged me with them. Jungwon’s dog bumped into me at the park and… we talked for a bit.” you explain, as Wonyoung and Minji listen intently.
“And he invited you to the gathering?”
“I mean… he said it was for our grade. He gave me his number, so he’ll be texting me about the details of the gathering in a bit.” you say, and Minji nearly chokes on her drink.
“He gave you his number?”
“Yeah. Why are you gawking at me like that, Minji? Are you still in love with Jungwon? Because, not to remind you, but you’re in a very committed relationship. I swear Hajoon is going to propose any minute now.” you say, and Minji shakes her head. “No, no — it’s just… I don’t remember Jungwon being this forward.”
“Maybe he’s just being nice.” you say.
“Jungwon’s always nice.” Wonyoung chimes in. “He was good friends with everyone. But I will say, no offence, I am quite surprised he remembers you, (Name).”
Honestly, you’re the most surprised out of everyone. “Yes. It was a little shocking.”
“So, what does he look like now?” Minji asks, looking at you curiously. “Just about the same as before. Or at least, the last time I saw him. Just slightly older.”
“It’s been around 4 years since we graduated, (Name),” Wonyoung says. “Of course he’ll look a little older.”
Minji told you once that Jungwon has something she calls a “first love smile”. You never quite understood what she meant when she told you, possibly because you were focusing on not dying, but now you sort of understand why she described his smile that way.
Jungwon’s smile just makes you feel… safe. You hadn’t seen him in a very long time, yet he still managed to make himself seem familiar to you. During your time at school, you didn’t talk with him much, you didn’t see him much — but you felt comfortable talking to him in the middle of the park, cherry blossom trees surrounding you two. It was like you two had been close for a long time.
“So… you’re going to go to the gathering, right? After Jungwon invited you?” Wonyoung asks, and you nod. “I might as well. You know… I figure that I should probably see everyone again before time runs out.”
Your friends suddenly go silent.
The topic of your impending death has always been one that Minji and Wonyoung have tried to avoid. Mostly because they believe that someday, some doctor will find a magical cure. One that’ll make you feel better, and you can live a long happy life like you had intended to before your diagnosis.
But with only 5 years left, you know they’re starting to lose hope. You lost that hope a long time ago.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to dampen the mood,” you give your friends a small smile, and Wonyoung shakes her head. “No, no. It’s okay, (Name).” she returns the gesture, but you can see that emotion in her eyes — sadness.
You’ve known Wonyoung and Minji ever since you two were little. You all had plans to stay friends forever, to see each other get their first job, to see each other get married, and to see each other grow old together, preferably in a small town with lots of cafes and beautiful scenery.
Those plans are now gone. It was always (Name), Minji and Wonyoung. Once you leave, it’ll just be Minji and Wonyoung. No longer the “golden trio”, as you three had called yourselves.
“Maybe Soobin will figure something out.” Minji hums. She really hopes that he does. She’s known that you've been living on borrowed time for 5 years now, but it never gets easier when she remembers that soon, she’ll have to live a life without you being there. She doesn’t want that.
Neither does Wonyoung. Thinking about the fact that gatherings after your passing will just be her and Minji, and they’ll always be reminded of the fact that you’re supposed to be there, talking, laughing and smiling with the two of them.
Thinking about life without you is already difficult enough. When you leave, Minji and Wonyoung know that things will be much harder than they are now.
“I mean… he tells me that all the time. Chaewon’s holding out some hope, but I don't know. I’m prepared. I’ve been prepared since I was told the news.” you reply, and Minji looks at you sadly.
“Out of all people… it shouldn’t have been you.” Wonyoung reaches her hand out to squeeze yours, and you give her a soft smile.
“I know,” you hum.
The atmosphere is now sad, and dull. Minji and Wonyoung both have frowns on their faces, and you feel like you should lighten the mood. You give them both a bright smile. “Okay, enough sadness. Come on, let’s go out.”
You three get up from your chairs, but not before fighting over who pays the bill. In the end, Wonyoung wins — you tell her that you’ll be paying next time.
Then, you suddenly get a text message. It’s from Jungwon, who tells you that the reunion will be at a restaurant that Jo owns. You reply with a thank you, and you tell him that Minji and Wonyoung will be coming as well.
He replies with a ‘i'm excited to see you soon!’ and a smiley face. You smile when you read the message, putting your phone back in your pocket after you like his text.
“Jungwon says the reunion is at Jo’s restaurant. He sent me the location,” you tell Minji and Wonyoung. “Jo runs a restaurant? Didn't expect that from him, if I’m being honest.” Wonyoung chuckles. You always thought Jo would end up being a professional basketball player, since he talked about it constantly.
“Yeah,” you agree. “Now come on, let’s go.”
As you step out of the cafe, the faint smell of cherry blossoms waft through the air.
THREE.
“Well, you look pretty.” Chaewon says to you, a bright smile on her face. “Reunion’s tonight, isn’t it?”
You nod, smoothing out the wrinkles on your skirt. “Yeah. Minji’s picking me and Wonyoung up. Or really, Hajoon, since he’s driving. Is Soobin coming over tonight?”
Chaewon shakes her head, pouring herself a cup of tea. “Just me tonight,” she says, taking a sip of the drink. “Soobin’s got some patients to look after, and he says he won’t be done until 3am, or something. I’m going to make dinner for Mom and Dad, and I'll probably watch some dramas in bed.”
“Sounds like fun.” you say, grabbing your purse off one of the hooks on the wall.
“Let me know how tonight goes, hmm?” Chaewon says, giving you a side hug. “Be careful, by the way. You took your medicine, right?”
You sigh. “You know I would never forget about that.”
“Just looking out for you,” Chaewon shrugs. “Have a fun night.”
You wave goodbye at your sister before you leave the house, closing the door behind you. You walk down the stairs, and you’re greeted by Minji, Wonyoung and Hajoon. “Come on! We’re going to be late!”
You hurry into the car, slamming the car door shut after you slide into the seat next to Wonyoung. “You look so pretty, (Name)! I love your outfit.”
“Thanks, Wonyo. You look very pretty too.” you say, and Wonyoung smiles. Wonyoung always looks gorgeous. She was just as popular as Jungwon — everyone had a crush on her as well.
“Hajoon, are you joining us?” you ask Minji’s boyfriend, and he nods. “She insisted that I come, in fact.” he chuckles.
“You guys are adorable,” Wonyoung says. “Put bleach in my eyes.” she whispers to you, and you stifle a giggle.
The ride to Jo’s restaurant is surprisingly quick from your place. You get out of the car, brushing your hair out of your face. You haven’t seen these people in years, and you’re pretty nervous — you know that there’s a high possibility that you’ll get bombarded with questions about why you were never at school.
You just have to come up with a lie. Or Minji and Wonyoung can come up with one for you.
“Come on, let’s go!” Minji seems awfully excited, as she practically skips into the restaurant. You, Wonyoung and Hajoon look at her, amused, before following her.
The first thing that catches your attention about Jo’s restaurant is that the food already smells great. “Are you four here for the reunion?” a waiter asks you all, and Minji nods.
“Right this way, please.” He leads you four to a room, and opens the door. “Oh my god, Minji, Wonyoung and (Name)!” Haruna says, when she sees you three walk in. “Hi, long time no see!” Minji says, giving the girl a hug.
Somehow, your eyes immediately meet Jungwon’s. He gives you a warm smile, pointing to the free seat next to him. You take that as an invitation to sit there. “Hi,” he says. “You look nice.”
Your cheeks feel a little bit hot. “Thank you. You look very nice too,” you say. Jungwon’s wearing a black t-shirt and pants, and there’s a blue jacket draped over the back post of his chair.
You then notice the earrings dangling from Jungwon’s ears. “Oh, you got piercings.” you say, and Jungwon nods. “Yeah. Had them when we met in the park a few days ago.”
“I didn’t notice,” you reply, chuckling. “They suit you.”
“Alright, (Name), stop flirting with Jungwon! The food’s here.” Hanni says, and you furrow your eyebrows. “What? I wasn’t— never mind.”
You don’t notice how Jungwon’s cheeks have flushed bright red. But, Ricky does.
“You’re still into her, aren’t you?” he whispers into Jungwon’s ear. Jungwon turns to look at Ricky, pursing his lips. “What? I… I don’t know. We haven’t met in so long, and I really don’t know much about her.” Jungwon replies, volume of his voice matching Ricky’s.
“Then get to know her better. Didn’t you say you got her number? Text her after this gathering and then ask if she wants to hang out. It’s as simple as that.”
Jungwon sighs, eyes trained on you, who’s talking and laughing with Hanni. “She’s probably going to be at work. We all have lives now, and… I don’t know. I don’t want to be a bother.” Ricky notices the way Jungwon gazes at you like you’re his entire world, and a small smirk graces his lips.
“I don’t think you will. (Name)’s nice. It can’t hurt to ask her to… I don’t know, have coffee, or grab lunch together.” Ricky suggests, shrugging. Jungwon has been pining for you forever. It’s about time he did something about his feelings.
Ricky does have a few points, Jungwon thinks. He missed all of his chances in high school to get to know you better, but doing something late is better than not doing it at all, right?
Jungwon takes a shot of the soju that Ricky had poured him. “(Name), are you going to be drinking?” Hanni asks you, and you shake your head, a polite smile on your lips. “I’m good. I don’t drink. Thank you for the offer, though.”
You turn to Jungwon when he’s drunk 3 shots. “How’s Maeumi?” you ask him, and Jungwon smiles at you, his face flushed slightly pink due to the alcohol.
“Good,” he says, beaming. “Maeumi’s… he’s a cute dog.”
You chuckle. “He is. So… did you take any nice pictures of the cherry blossoms when I saw you a few days ago?”
“Yeah,” Jungwon replies, the smile never leaving his lips. He looks at you with bright, gleaming eyes. His eyes are very pretty. “Took lots of them.”
“That’s nice,” you say.
“We should go again sometime,” he says, his cheeks somehow redder than before. You don’t know if it’s because of the alcohol, or because he’s nervous about asking you to spend some time with him.
The truth is, it’s both.
“Yeah, of course,” you breathe out. “Sounds like fun. I’m… not too busy — I mean, I’m never busy, so just text me.” Jungwon smiles at your words, and you don’t notice how Ricky’s watching you two interact with the biggest grin on his lips.
He’s watched Jungwon pine over you for the last few years of school. He knows about Jungwon’s lack of courage to just go up to you and talk to you, to get to know you better outside of school projects. He knows about Jungwon’s regret over not being able to muster up that courage, and then watching as he realises that you’ve slowly disappeared.
And now, watching as he finally gets that courage. Or at least, a little bit of it. It might be the soju giving him an extra boost of confidence, but Ricky’s not complaining. Neither are you, and neither is Jungwon.
The rest of the time at the reunion is spent talking about what’s going on with everyone else’s lives. Jo’s a chef, since he runs the restaurant that you all were dining in. Jungwon’s a lawyer, as he’s told you that when you two met in the park. Ricky’s working as a model, like Wonyoung. Admittedly, you’re quite surprised their paths haven’t crossed before this reunion.
Hanni’s a dancer, like you always knew she’d be. Minji and Hajoon are told to get married by practically everyone, leaving both of them a blushing mess.
Then, Ricky takes out a box that’s all too familiar. “Remember this, guys?” It’s the time capsule that you all buried when you were 12, where all of you put in a message for you in the future. “I thought we’d open these now, because… well, it's been 10 years. So let’s do it together!”
Ricky hands everyone their letters, and when he gives you yours, you take it hesitantly. It’s a blue envelope, the front decorated with stickers. Dear Future (Name), it’s addressed to.
With shaky hands, you carefully remove the seal from the back of the envelope, taking out your letter.
Hello, future (Name)! It’s me, you from 10 years ago. How are you doing? Since it’s been 10 years, I think I’ll have a lot of questions! Are you still writing? Have you become an author like we always wanted to be? Are you still friends with Minji and Wonyoung? How’s Chaewon? Have you ticked off some of the boxes on the shared bucket list? Are you in love? I’m going to decorate this envelope well, so you should keep it in a safe space. I don’t know what you are doing now, or maybe I should say we, since we are the same person. But don’t stress yourself out. Treasure every day! Life is beautiful. May you live a long, happy life.
Little you will most likely not be very happy with the outcome of your life. You’re 22, single, and dying.
You haven’t ticked off anything on yours and Chaewon’s bucket list. You haven’t become an author, like you wanted to. You haven’t treasured every day like you told yourself to. You haven’t appreciated the beauty of life enough.
And you won’t be able to live a long, happy life.
Reading your letter now makes you regret the way you’ve spent the last 5 years. You’ve got 5 years left on that clock, and the time won’t slow down anytime soon. Maybe it’s time to listen to yourself, to treasure every day like you had said to.
You don’t realise that you’re tearing up a little until Jungwon nudges you softly. “Are you okay?” his words are slightly slurred, meaning he’s probably drunk a little bit more. You’re a little surprised that despite how he seems to be slightly drunk, he’s still noticed the change in your demeanour.
“Yes, I’m fine, Jungwon. Thank you for asking,” you say, giving him a small smile. He nods, giving you a bright grin that seems to turn your mood around, slightly. “Don’t be sad. Whatever you’re going through… things will work out. Everything will be just fine.”
Yes, you tell yourself. Everything will be just fine.
FOUR.
Jungwon calls you pretty that night.
It’s sudden, and it probably doesn’t mean anything. He’s a little drunk, and even though Minji constantly tells you that drunk words are sober thoughts, you choose to forget about it.
Yang Jungwon doesn’t know you well. Why would he have any feelings for you? But lately, small things that you would’ve considered to be somewhat insignificant have been reminding you of the boy. Cherry blossoms, small white dogs, grey hoodies, and black beanies.
But you will admit, hearing those words from him did make you feel something you’ve never felt before. A mix of nervousness and joy, is how you’d describe it. Your cheeks felt hot, and you suddenly felt shy.
“What are you thinking about?” Chaewon asks you, as you stare at the scenery outside your window. “The cherry blossom season is almost over,” you tell her, and she nods. “Yes. Aren’t you glad we saw them a little earlier?”
You smile. “I am glad.”
Chaewon’s noticed a small change in your attitude. You’re no longer always holed up in your room, constantly wanting to go outside — maybe you’ve finally started taking her advice, to live life to the fullest. It makes her happy. She wants you to make millions of memories that will bring you nothing but joy before you go. If you do have to pass early, she wants you to feel like you’ve done everything you’ve wanted to do.
You suddenly hear a buzz from your phone, and you check the text message. It’s from Jungwon, and you don’t notice Chaewon peering over your shoulder when you read the text. Wanna see the cherry blossoms together? I’m at the same park, the text reads, and before you can type out a response, Chaewon tells you that you should go.
“That was what I was going to say.” you tell her, and she looks at you, a mix of joy and surprise on her face. She used to have to convince you to go hang out with people who weren’t Minji and Wonyoung, and now you’re doing it because you want to.
This Jungwon boy must be someone that you would consider special.
Chaewon leaves your room to tell your parents that you’re going out. You get up from your chair, heading towards your closet. You pick out a simple cardigan and jeans, changing into the outfit quickly.
“You changed fast.” Chaewon says, and you nod, grabbing your bag. “Jungwon’s at the park already, and I don’t want to keep him waiting.”
“Do you like Jungwon?” she asks you, and you give your sister a look. “Of course I like Jungwon. He’s a nice guy.” you reply, and Chaewon sighs in exasperation. “I didn’t mean it like that, (Name). I meant like… do you have a crush on him?”
You pause. You’re not sure. He’s nice, and he’s good looking. But you don’t quite know him well enough to make a decision about it, plus, your thoughts on love haven’t really changed much. Hypothetically, if you and Jungwon were to get into a relationship, you’d die in less than 5 years.
You couldn’t hurt someone as kind and genuine as him.
“I… I don’t know. He’s a sweet guy, that’s all I can say.”
“That’s exactly what I said about Soobin.” she says, and you shrug. “Okay. See you in a bit.” you reply — you don’t know how else to continue this conversation. Knowing your own sister, Chaewon could very well press you for answers about how you feel towards Jungwon, but the truth is that you don’t know. So, you remove yourself from the situation.
You head towards the park, looking through the contents in your bag. There’s a video camera that you haven’t used in quite some time, and you pull it out to inspect it. You turn it on, and surprisingly, it still works.
There’s a couple pictures of you, Minji and Wonyoung in the gallery, and some of you and Chaewon as little kids. You decide to take a picture of the cherry blossom trees with the camera, pausing for just a split second to take a photo of the beautiful trees and their flowers.
“Hey,” Jungwon says, startling you. “Hi! Sorry. Was just taking a picture of the cherry blossoms.” you say, gesturing towards your camera.
“Don't apologise! I’m sorry for surprising you,” he says, and you shake your head. “It’s all good. Looks like Maeumi isn’t here today,” you reply, noting the absence of his dog.
“Yeah. My sister took him out on a walk this morning already.” Jungwon chuckles, and you two enter the park, walking beside each other. “That’s nice. Guess it’s just you and me, then.” you reply, smiling at him.
Jungwon’s heart races at your words. “Yeah. You and me.”
“The cherry blossom season is almost over,” you hum, holding your camera up to record a video of the scenery. “It’s a shame that they’re so short lived.”
“I wish we could see them year-round. They’re too beautiful.” Jungwon comments, and you nod. You pan the camera towards him, and he flashes a bright smile and holds up a peace sign, making you laugh. Jungwon stops to pick up a perfectly intact cherry blossom flower that’s fallen on the floor. “Here,” he says, holding it out to you.
“You take it,” you say, the camera still fixed on him.
Jungwon opts to brush a strand of your hair aside, tucking the small flower behind your ear. The flower is small, fragile, barely visible if you’re standing too far. Jungwon’s worried that the petals will fall off. But you look beautiful.
You look at him, your cheeks burning hot and a smile that’s unconsciously made its way to your lips. “Flower.” he hums.
“Yes. Flower,” you reply. “Thank you, by the way.”
“No worries. You… you look nice.”
“Thank you.”
Jungwon looks around, noticing a bunch of couples in the park. He can’t help but wonder if those couples think that you two are together as well.
“I like cherry blossoms.” you suddenly pipe up, and Jungwon redirects his attention to you. “Why?” he asks you, intrigued as to why you suddenly blurted out this statement.
“They’re beautiful, but they don’t last for a very long time. They’re very interesting to me.” you say, admiring the pink blossoms. “They feel familiar.”
“Yes. But I suppose the short-liveness of them allows us to appreciate and admire them more, doesn’t it? Since we know it doesn’t last for a very long time, we hold them dearer, and cherish them more.” Jungwon replies, looking at you with a smile.
He’s right. The reason why cherry blossoms feel familiar to you, is because you find yourself halfway through the process of the blooming and the wilting of these flowers. With only 5 years left, you’re wilting, while someone like Jungwon has just started to bloom.
“Yes. And they’re beautiful, aren’t they?” you hum, looking at the pink blossoms above.
“They are.” he says, his eyes fixed on you. Only you.
Jungwon doesn’t know that during your whole monologue about the cherry blossoms, you’re implying that like these magnificent flowers, your existence is short lived too.
FIVE.
Soobin proposes to Chaewon a week after you and Jungwon go to the park.
You watch as he gets down on one knee, Chaewon’s hand clasping over her mouth in shock. You stand there on the side with your parents, camera in hand, smiling at the sight.
“I wanna spend forever with you, Chae.” he tells her.
Forever. Forever’s a funny word.
The literal definition of forever is for all time. If forever is for all time, your forever ends in five years. Chaewon and Soobin still have many years to go in their forever.
You realise that you’ve been pitying yourself again. You should be happy. 5 years for a forever isn’t that bad, you tell yourself. So, you push that thought into the back of your mind, focusing on the scene that plays out in front of you.
“So… what do you say? Will you marry me, Kim Chaewon?”
“I will. I will marry you, Choi Soobin.” your sister says, her eyes glimmering with tears. Your family erupts into cheers, your father hugging your mother tightly before he wraps you in a huge hug too.
Your sister is getting married.
Chaewon runs up to you, and you give her a hug. “You’re engaged,” you tell her, and she smiles. “I’m engaged!” she says, showing you and the camera you’re holding the ring. It’s gorgeous — Soobin had shown you it a couple days ago when he asked to grab coffee with you.
You thought he was going to give you some horrible news about your condition, but instead he told you that he was planning on asking Chaewon to marry him. You let out a huge sigh of relief at that.
At the time, he had no idea where he would propose. You suggested the place where he had first met Chaewon, but he’d only replied with: “I’m not proposing to your sister in a hospital.”
Which was probably a smart thing to say.
“Did you know about this?” she asks you, and you shrug. “A little. I mean, your fiancée over there only told me a few days ago.” you reply, nodding at Soobin.
“But, I will say, I’m not surprised. It was going to happen, sooner or later. You two are perfect for each other,” you say, giving Chaewon another hug.
I’m glad I can see you get married before I go, you want to tell her. But she’s in such a good mood, you wouldn’t want to ruin it. She skips back towards Soobin, who’s hugging his own parents. There’s a giant grin plastered on her lips as she takes his hand in hers. “Congratulations,” your father says, as the happy couple approaches your family, alongside with Soobin’s parents.
“You should’ve done it earlier, Soobin!” your mother says, and a pink blush dusts Soobin’s cheeks. “I’ve been thinking about it for a long time,” he says. “I’m happy she said yes.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Chaewon says, kissing him on the cheek, making the light pink blush on Soobin’s cheeks turn into a bright red. You’ll let the public display of affection between the two of them slide this time, because they just got engaged. Usually, you’d frown at them and feign disgust.
Chaewon and Soobin are the type of couple that you can just look at and know that they’re made for one another. You’re not going to lie, it does make you somewhat jealous that they’ve been able to find each other this early in life.
Soobin and Chaewon had met when she had accompanied you for a checkup when you were 15. Soobin was there to give moral support to Taehyun, his friend who needed stitches.
From there on, a relationship blossomed. It’s a bit of a unique love story. With Chaewon always being by your side during your doctor appointments, and Soobin being a doctor as well, the hospital is somehow always involved.
You’re also jealous that they can spend the entire rest of their lives together. And, the entire rest of their lives aren’t limited to only 5 years, unlike you. But you’re happy for your sister. You’re glad she’s found someone who makes her happier than ever — you just can’t help but feel upset that you won’t be able to experience that picture perfect fairytale romance that you had wanted.
And as Chaewon makes a toast, you get a text message. You watch as everyone takes a sip of champagne from their glass. Thankfully, most people’s eyes are on the recently engaged couple, so no one pays any mind to you drinking water instead.
You unlock your phone, checking who the message is from. It’s Jungwon, and he’s sent you a picture of cherry blossoms.
Saw this today on my way to work. Thought it was pretty, and it reminded me of you, he writes.
You don’t realise that you’re smiling to yourself as you read the message. The fact that Jungwon thought of you when he saw those cherry blossoms makes your heart feel all warm and fuzzy. It’s a feeling you’ve never felt before.
Yang Jungwon isn’t making it easy for you to not feel at least a little something for him. You’ve told yourself to not fall in love with anyone ever since you got the diagnosis — it’s to keep yourself from hurting and to keep you from hurting someone else.
But with Jungwon, you just want to fall.
The consequences, the possible heartbreak is something that you’re not even taking into consideration. Maybe you should just let yourself experience what it’s like to love, and what it’s like to be loved.
You finally understand what Minji meant back in high school when she said Jungwon had one of those “first love smiles”. And you understand why Minji was so infatuated with him back then. You weren’t around much, so you never really got to know him better.
But now that you are getting to know him well, maybe Yang Jungwon will be your first love.
And knowing your fate, he will very likely also be your last love.
If Yang Jungwon was going to be your first, your last, and your one and only, you wouldn’t quite mind.
You type back. So you think I’m pretty?
Jungwon replies almost instantly.
Of course I do.
SIX.
“Hajoon and Minji, Soobin and Chaewon… ugh, I want someone in my life. But I can’t find anyone.” Wonyoung sighs, flopping down on your couch.
You smile. “You’re drop-dead gorgeous, Wonyoung. Who wouldn’t want to be with you?”
“Introduce me to someone!” she asks, her eyes gleaming. You look at her, with a confused expression on your face. “Wonyo, you know I don’t know many people.”
“I don’t know, maybe someone from high school, or something.”
“Ricky?” you ask. You knew Wonyoung used to like Ricky during high school, and just like Wonyoung, Ricky’s working as a model too. You can’t believe that you didn’t think of this pairing sooner.
“Ricky?” Wonyoung asks softly. She must be remembering the times during high school where she was pining over him. “If he’s interested… I suppose he could give me a call.”
You watch her expression closely, noticing the way her cheeks flush pink. “You suppose? You clearly want me to tell Ricky to send you a message. Why didn’t you just say that instead of telling me to introduce you to someone?”
Wonyoung shrugs, looking away from you. “I don’t know. Guess I was just a little bit… shy?”
You laugh at her words, picking up your phone to message Ricky. You then realise you didn’t get Ricky’s number the night of the reunion, and since you know Ricky and Jungwon are friends, you decide to text him instead.
Hey, could I get Ricky’s number? you message Jungwon. I think Wonyoung’s interested in him.
Jungwon always replies to your messages instantly. Of course, here. He sends you Ricky’s number, and you thank him. We could set them up, if you’re up for it. Us four, dinner at my place.
Wonyoung peers over your shoulder to read what Jungwon’s saying to you. “I think he likes you, (Name).”
“What makes you say that?”
You know it’s a stupid thing to say after he did call you pretty. Twice.
“He’s basically asking for it to be a double date. Come on now, (Name)! Don’t be silly. But, let him know I’m up for it.” Wonyoung teases you, and you sigh.
Sounds good, you tell him. When and where?
Do you guys mind if it’s tonight, 7pm? Ricky will be in Paris for the next 2 weeks, he replies, and Wonyoung’s eyes widen. “Tonight? Tonight tonight? I have to go home and get ready. I’ll see you in a bit!” she says, grabbing her bags before rushing out of the door. You take that as Wonyoung not minding, and it’s not like you have anything to do anyways.
We don’t mind, you reply. See you tonight.
You find yourself excited to see Jungwon again. You haven’t seen him since the cherry blossom season ended. But to be fair, which was a week and a half ago, so it hasn’t really been too long.
Him calling you pretty has been stuck in your head for the past week. You don’t know how 2 simple words could have such an effect on you, but here you are, with those two words said in his voice replaying again and again and again.
You decide to wear something a little simpler tonight, just a green cardigan and a pair of jeans. Chaewon walks into your room just as you’re curling your lashes, and she gives you a knowing smile. “Who are you seeing tonight?” she asks, even though she has a hunch.
“Wonyo and I are meeting Ricky and Jungwon for dinner.” you reply, applying some tinted lip balm onto your lips. “Wonyoung thinks Ricky is cute. I guess her feelings never really went away from high school.”
“I guess they didn’t,” Chaewon says, hand on her hip. The engagement ring on her finger sparkles when the light catches it, and you really need to commend Soobin on doing such a good job on finding a gorgeous ring. “But you and Jungwon, huh? I know I keep pressing you about this… but. You know… you two have seemed to bond very quickly.”
She’s not wrong.
You do admit that you find yourself wanting to see Jungwon again. You wouldn’t call it love yet, or anything of the sort – but perhaps there is some sort of attraction, or something that makes you gravitate towards him.
But then you remind yourself that in your life, you have no time for love. 5 years is far too little, and 5 years is all you’ve got. Jungwon deserves someone who can give him a forever and more. 5 years is your forever.
For Jungwon, 5 years probably doesn’t mean much at all.
Chaewon sees the hesitant look on your face. “Don’t be afraid to fall in love, (Name).”
“I don’t want to hurt him.”
She looks at you with a sad smile. “(Name), I want to see you happy. Jungwon can give you that. It doesn’t matter how long or short your life is, just please… don’t forbid yourself from finding happiness. You deserve it more than anyone.” Chaewon wraps you in a hug. “I don’t want to let you go. None of us do.”
“I don’t want to hurt another person.”
“It will hurt at first,” Chaewon tells you, her arms still wrapped around you tightly. “But then all of us will think: gosh, wasn’t I so lucky to know (Name) in this lifetime?”
You feel tears starting to well up in your eyes. “I’m sorry, Chaewon.”
“Don’t be sorry. You didn't choose this path for yourself. All I know is that… I’m the luckiest person alive to have had you as a sister.” she tells you, hugging you tighter.
“Now, enough sad stuff,” she says, wiping your tears with the pads of her thumbs. “Go to this dinner tonight, and if anything happens between you and Jungwon, let me know.”
You smile at your sister, giving her another hug. “Okay.”
And before you walk out of the door, you turn back to look at her. “I know you said no sad stuff, and this isn’t really sad, but… I feel like I’m the luckiest person alive to have you as a sister.”
Chaewon only smiles softly as she watches you leave.
SEVEN.
Jungwon’s house is cozy.
Maeumi greets you and Wonyoung at the door, and Jungwon gives you a kind smile when he sees you. He’s wearing a grey hoodie and some black sweatpants, and even though the outfit is simple, it looks nice on him.
Wonyoung notices the soft smile on Jungwon’s lips as he watches you play with Maeumi. Wonyoung sneaks up behind him, whispering into his ear. “You really like her, huh?”
Jungwon gets startled by Wonyoung’s sudden comment. “Gosh, don’t sneak up on me like that!” he says, clutching his chest dramatically. The girl next to him giggles, and you look up at the two.
“Did I miss something?” you ask, and Jungwon rapidly shakes his head no. Wonyoung, on the other hand, points at Jungwon discreetly, then makes a heart with her hands, then points at you.
What she’s gesturing to you is that she thinks Jungwon likes you.
You give her an amused smile before turning your attention back to Maeumi. “Look, Jungwon. Shoot your shot.” Wonyoung whispers to the boy. Jungwon’s eyes are still transfixed on you, and anyone could instantly notice how the boy is absolutely smitten.
Before Jungwon can say anything, Ricky bursts through the door. “Jungwon, I couldn’t decide whether to get Wonyoung roses or tulips, so I just got both— oh! You’re already here. Um… hi, Wonyoung,” he says, holding two bouquets.
“These are for you… both of them.” he hands Wonyoung the bouquets, and you see the pink flush on Wonyoung’s cheeks almost instantly as she accepts the flowers from Ricky with a shy smile.
“I take it he’s into her?” you whisper to Jungwon, who’s now standing by your side. Jungwon nods, his arms crossed as he watches the scene in front of you two. “Ever since 10th grade. So, when I got your text, he got a little bit too excited. He asked me if he should come wearing a suit.”
You laugh at his words, and Jungwon thinks it’s the prettiest sound he’s ever heard. “Well, Wonyo’s interested too. Look at them laughing.” you nod towards Wonyoung and Ricky, who are chatting to each other with bright smiles on their faces.
“Let’s not bother them. They seem to be hitting it off quite well. I’m going to prepare dinner, if you’d like to come join me.” he says, heading towards the kitchen. You follow him, and so does Maeumi.
“Don’t go into the kitchen, Maeumi.” you tell the dog, telling it to stay in the living room. You don’t notice Jungwon gazing at you adoringly, but out of the corner of her eye, Wonyoung does. She smiles to herself, before redirecting her attention to Ricky.
You help Jungwon with preparing some of the food, such as chopping up vegetables and seasoning the dishes. “Are you hungry?” he asks you, and you nod.
“Starving. Everything smells so good. You’re a good chef, Jungwon.”
Jungwon smiles. “Well, thank you.”
“What can’t you do?” you ask him, as he cracks an egg into the fry pan. Ricky, despite being outside, overhears your conversation. What can’t Jungwon do? Confess to you, Ricky thinks.
Soon enough, Jungwon finishes cooking. You help him bring out some plates, and some of the dishes. Ricky and Wonyoung are seated next to one another, with Ricky moving his chair just the slightest to be able to be sitting closer to your friend. You smirk at Wonyoung, who gives you a stare to tell you to not say a word.
Jungwon places the last dish on the table, and he sits down in the seat next to you. Now, it’s Wonyoung’s turn to tease you, and you give her the same look.
“Let’s eat!”
Jungwon’s food is amazing. There is quite literally nothing that he can’t do. He’s a lawyer, he was head of the student council, and he could be a chef. Jo should probably watch out.
“This is so good,” you say, in between mouthfuls, and pink dusts Jungwon’s cheeks when he hears your compliment.
“Thank you. I’m glad you like it — eat more,” he says.
The rest of the night is spent reminiscing over your high school days, and Ricky heads towards Jungwon’s fridge, and grabs the bottle of soju that he’s brought. “Jungwon, where’s your shot glasses?”
“Cabinet on your right,” the boy sitting beside you replies. “Get 3. (Name) doesn’t drink.”
You look at him, slightly surprised. “How’d you know?”
“You told Hanni that you don’t drink at the reunion. I remember, (Name).” Jungwon says, smiling at you.
Ricky places the bottle of soju on your side of the table. “He’s got a terrible memory. He only remembers because it’s you,” he whispers to you, before sitting back down in his seat.
And as Jungwon pours soju into his glass, your mind’s fixated on those words. He only remembers because it’s you. Are you someone special to Jungwon?
The thought of being someone special to Yang Jungwon makes you feel… good. It's a simple way of describing it, but you don’t know how else to say it. You’ve never experienced what it’s like to love someone, and you don’t know if this is love, but… you think you care for the boy sitting next to you.
In high school, he would be someone you considered just a classmate. You knew of him, and you talked to him occasionally — but you wouldn’t have ever really considered him to be a friend.
Now, mere weeks after your first meeting in a few years, you’d like to consider Yang Jungwon as one of your friends. You would like to get closer to him, as your relationship has progressed so quickly in the past couple of weeks, but you feel like you’ve known him for… forever.
Yes, that funny word. Forever. For all time.
He feels familiar. He feels like home.
And home is where you feel the safest.
If you told Chaewon all of your thoughts about Jungwon, you’d wonder what she’d say. Is it just a simple, plain crush, or would she consider it to be something more? Or even if it was just a simple, plain crush, could it be something more?
Love has been something you’ve never even considered for yourself. But with Yang Jungwon now in the picture, you’re starting to see the possibility of the last 5 years of your life with who Chaewon would refer to as: the one.
As the night goes on, the chemistry between Ricky and Wonyoung is undeniable. You know that they’d make a cute couple. Would it be too early to say that you think they’ve found their soulmate? you think.
Ricky checks his watch. “Ah, it’s late. I should probably go. I’ll drive you home, if you’d like.” he says to Wonyoung.
“That would be really great,” she says, smiling at him. “But what about you, (Name)?”
“I’ll take her home,” Jungwon says, standing up. “You guys enjoy your date.”
Ricky and Wonyoung’s cheeks both flush red. “Thank you?” Wonyoung replies.
“I’ll clean this up,” Jungwon picks up a few of the plates.
“I’ll help you.” you tell him, and the boy gives you a grateful smile. As you’re piling some of the plates on top of one another, Ricky stops Jungwon in his tracks when he’s on his way to put the dishes into the sink.
“You should do it.” Ricky whispers to him.
“Do what?” Jungwon whispers back.
“Tell her how you feel.”
“What? It’s too early for that,” Jungwon says, and Ricky rolls his eyes. “I reconnected with Wonyoung today.”
Ricky does have a fair point. Jungwon guesses that he’s just a little too scared that he’ll ruin something good between you two.
“It’s okay, Jungwon. I think she’ll reciprocate those feelings. Now, I’m going to drive Wonyoung home. See you tomorrow.” Ricky waves at the boy, and both you and Jungwon hear the door close.
“They’re very cute together,” you tell him, as he cleans a frying pan. “I think we’re great at matchmaking.” you hand Jungwon a plate, and his hand touches yours.
His hand is cold, but his touch makes you feel warm. Your ears feel hot, and you don’t know what’s happening. Are you sick again?
“Yes,” Jungwon says, focused on cleaning the dishes. “I think we are.”
Silence falls between the both of you. Not an awkward silence, more so of a comfortable one. Both of you, simply just basking in the comfort of each other’s presence. You help Jungwon put away the clean plates.
“Thank you, (Name).” he says.
“Uh, no worries.” you reply.
You don’t know when you and Jungwon inch closer to one another. It just happens, as if some force is pushing you two closer together. Jungwon’s eyes flicker towards your lips, and you suddenly feel a little nervous under his gaze.
Your heart’s pounding a mile a minute. You think you’re going to feel sick from all the nervousness.
You want to lean in. You want to give in — to tell your mind that you can fall in love, and like Chaewon said, just because you’re dying, you shouldn’t forbid yourself from finding happiness.
But that fear kicks in. The fear of hurting more people than you already have to. Jungwon’s one of the sweetest, kindest people you think you’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Breaking his heart now would be less painful than breaking his heart 5 years later, when you inevitably leave him alone in this world.
That fear tells you to leave. Because that fear tells you that Jungwon deserves someone who can have a Chaewon and Soobin-like fairytale romance. You cannot give him that.
And just as Jungwon leans in, you step back. “Um… I have to go. I’m sorry. I’ll… see you tomorrow. Or sometime soon, I don’t know.”
You take one small glance at Jungwon, and it’s just enough time to notice the dejected look in his eye. But, he quickly covers it up with a tight-lipped smile. “Of course. I’ll send you home.”
“Um, there’s no need for you to,” you say, tapping on your phone. “My sister is coming to get me. Thank you for tonight, Jungwon.”
You grab your bag from the couch, and you rush out the door.
Jungwon can’t help but feel like he’s made the biggest mistake.
EIGHT.
The next time you see Jungwon, you both act like nothing happened.
But the events of that night replay in Jungwon’s head every hour, every second, every minute. The hesitant look on your face before you stepped away is burned into his mind, and remembering the way you rushed out of the door so hastily makes his heart shatter.
You meet him in the park again. You two are quite fond of this park. It is near Jungwon’s workplace, and it is near your house. You walk alongside him, recording the view in front of you with your camera. Jungwon stuffs his hands in his pockets, and he feels like he should talk to you about that night.
Because for a split second before you ran off, Jungwon thought that you wanted to lean in. He supposes he was wrong.
He wonders if he should continue to hold these types of feelings towards you. If you’re clearly not interested, Jungwon understands. He’ll let all these feelings go, and he’ll act like they never existed. You two could stay just friends.
The plan sounds easier said than done, but if that is what will make you happy, he will do it.
He will let go of all those years of pining for you.
He just wants an answer. He doesn’t know if he’s asking for too much, though. As he walks alongside you, he isn’t sure if he should bring the situation up.
“You’re quiet today, Jungwon.” you say, looking at him. The boy snaps out of his thoughts, and offers you a weak smile.
“Just thinking.”
“About what?”
Should he just talk to you about it?
“I… I was thinking about the thing that happened.” he says, and you immediately know what he means. You stop in your tracks to face him, turning off the recording. “Oh,” you say softly.
Jungwon figures he might as well just pour his feelings out now. It can’t get much more awkward than this, and… if he finds out that you do reciprocate those feelings he holds for you, then… everything will be fine. Well, better than fine. Everything will be great.
“(Name), I like you. I know… that this is sudden — or maybe it isn’t, since the whole thing happened but… I just thought that you should know. I’ve liked you since you walked into that classroom in grade 7, and Maeumi bumping into you at the park was like some sort of sign for me, from the universe, to remind me that I wasn’t over you at all, even though I hadn’t seen you in years — I just… really like you. I’d like to spend every cherry blossom season with you, if you’d let me.”
For a split second, you allow yourself to smile like a lovesick fool.
The confession makes warmth bloom across your chest, and you feel nothing but pure euphoria in the moment.
Every cherry blossom season with you.
Every. Every, being 5. You will see 5 more cherry blossom seasons. Or maybe even less.
And your smile falls.
“Jungwon… thank you for telling me,” you say. Your eyes are fixated on the ground — you don’t want to see the look on his face when you have to shatter his heart. “But… one day, I fear you will regret falling for me if I say yes.”
Jungwon looks at you, confusion written all across his features. “(Name), what do you mean? I have many regrets in life, but I will never regret falling for you.”
He’s sweet. Too sweet. You don’t want to hurt him.
“You can’t know. It’s better for you to not know.” you cannot let Jungwon know you’re dying. Him knowing about your illness would crush him — and you would rather not see Jungwon sad about anything.
“What do you mean?”
“I like you a lot, Jungwon.”
You like him. Jungwon feels the slightest glimmer of hope at your words.
“But, I don’t want to hurt you. Please don’t make this harder than it already is — I don’t want to share my burdens with you. I feel like a burden for everyone else. I don’t need another person to pile all my issues onto — I am hurting, and I will end up hurting everyone else.” you say, your voice shaky. That glimmer of hope Jungwon once felt is suddenly gone.
“Then let us hurt together. You will never be a burden to me, (Name). What makes you say that?” Jungwon asks you, placing his hand on your shoulder to comfort you. You look up at him with tears brimming your eyes, and you give him a weak smile.
“Because everyone thinks that.” you murmur.
“Who thinks that?” he asks you, his voice soft. “I don’t think that — I’ll never think that. (Name), you can talk to me.”
“Jungwon, just… leave it be. I… wish I could say yes to you, but I can’t. I will leave a lot of people hurt, and I would rather not have one of those people be you. And if you’ll excuse me… I have to go.” you say, bidding him farewell.
Once again, you walk away from Jungwon. Just like that night in his apartment.
That time, Jungwon did not chase after you.
This time, he does.
“(Name), please. You won’t hurt me. We can share these burdens together — I am here for you. I will always be here for you,” he says, and you sigh.
“Jungwon, you don’t understand—“
“Then help me understand. Tell me what I don’t understand. If you don’t understand either, let us figure it out together.”
“I don’t want you to understand!” you raise your voice, startling Jungwon. “Because I don’t want you to be hurt. This… is my burden to carry. If things were alright, I would’ve said yes without thinking. If everything was normal, I wouldn’t have ran away that night. If I knew that I wouldn’t hurt you, I would’ve kissed you. But things aren’t alright. Things are not normal, and I know that I will hurt you. So please, Jungwon. Let this… go.”
You know that by saying this, you’ve lost your one chance at love. You pushed away the one person who truly liked you, the person who wanted every cherry blossom season with you — Yang Jungwon.
You want to cry. 5 years left on the clock and you’ll be single and lonely for the rest of your life.
Your heart feels heavy. Everything hurts. You clutch your chest, and suddenly everything feels strange. It’s all spinning, the green leaves on the trees are starting to look fuzzy — you can’t breathe, and your chest just feels tight. Jungwon’s face is starting to become blurry, and you feel like you’re going to collapse.
Are you going to die? Are you going to die in front of Jungwon?
“I… I have to go.” you say, your vision getting blurrier by the second. You try to run away from the boy, but you feel yourself getting weaker and weaker.
“(Name)? Are you okay?” Jungwon notices the urgency in your voice, and the way you’re almost wobbling away from him — you’re losing your balance.
The world becomes a blur, and you collapse to the ground.
NINE.
Your eyes open, and you’re greeted with the familiar sight of a hospital room.
“Hey, (Name).” Chaewon says, her hand on top of yours. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Um… I don’t know.” you say, blinking at her. “I just feel normal. A little more tired than usual, though.”
She nods. “You just woke up. That’s normal.”
“What happened?” you ask her, and Chaewon shrugs.
“You tell me. Jungwon says that you were with him, and then you suddenly passed out in the park. He called an ambulance to get you here. He’s still outside waiting for you. He said he called into work and said there was an emergency,” she replies, smiling. “He’s very sweet, (Name). And he seems to like you a lot.”
“I ruined it. I ruined it all,” you tell Chaewon. “He is… all things perfect, and he likes me. But I am scared, and dying.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I keep not listening to you. You told me that I shouldn’t let this illness get in the way of the things I want — but the fear. It consumes me. I don’t want to leave more and more people behind, I don’t want more people to be hurt because I’m losing my life. I just feel like a burden.” you say, voice shaky as you stare at the white ceiling of your hospital room.
“When I’m gone, I won’t have to suffer any more pain at the hands of this illness. But that means people will be suffering from the loss of me.”
Chaewon sighs. “I can’t just tell you that I understand how you feel, because I really don’t. All I can tell you, from an outside perspective, is that… no matter how long or short it is, life is worth living. I know it’s easier said than done, but… you can’t let that fear control what little of your life you have left.”
“You like Jungwon, don’t you? And don’t you tell me of course you’ll like him, since he’s a friend. I mean you like like him.”
You sigh, staring up at the white ceilings of your hospital room. “There’s just this feeling. This feeling seems to push him and I together. My heart skips a beat when he’s around, and gosh, if I wasn’t so scared of what’s to come, I wouldn’t have ruined everything.”
“Ruined what?”
“He tried to kiss me that night we had dinner with Ricky and Wonyoung. We… both leaned in, but at the last second, I pulled away. All these terrible thoughts were running rampant in my mind, and I just… couldn’t. I couldn’t allow myself to let go of those fears. And he told me he liked me today. Just before I collapsed… I told him I couldn’t be with him because I’d only hurt him and make him feel burdened. He told me that we could share that burden, that we could hurt together. But I could never do that to someone as kind as him. He can’t suffer simply because I am. None of you should have to suffer because I am.”
Chaewon will never understand what it feels like to be you. She’ll never understand what it’s like to know that you’re dying. She’ll never fully understand those fears you have, and at times she may find them irrational.
But what she does understand, is that Yang Jungwon has somehow made his way into your heart. Your heart has been locked for many years now, and you’re not so easy to give someone the key.
However, with Jungwon, you handed him the key like it was the most natural thing to do.
“Jungwon seems like a very sweet guy,” Chaewon tells you. “He cares about you a lot. And I think you care a lot about him too. You don’t want to hurt him, but you’re also pushing him away. Isn’t that going to make him hurt more?”
“This won’t hurt as bad as when I die.”
“And do you want to die without knowing what it’s like to fall in love? Knowing that you had the right person standing in front of you all those years ago, but you had turned around and left because you were scared? Wouldn’t you rather feel nothing but joy, bliss, and love before you go? And… even though you might not get a forever with Jungwon, I’m sure he’ll treasure those 5 years he has with you more than anything.”
“He told me he wanted to spend every cherry blossom season with me.” you murmur.
“Then spend every cherry blossom season you can with him.” she tells you, the volume of her voice matching yours.
“I don’t know how I ended up… liking him this much. Maybe because everything feels peaceful, everything feels just fine — sometimes I forget that I’m dying when I’m with him.” you breathe out shakily.
“Well, I think you know what you need to do, (Name).” Chaewon tells you softly.
“Would you call him in here for me?” you ask her, and she nods. She gives your hand a tight squeeze before she gets out of her chair, leaving your room to go get Jungwon.
You stare at the ceiling blankly once again, wondering what you’re going to say to him. “Are you okay, (Name)?” he asks you once he enters the room, sitting down on the chair next to your bed, and it snaps you out of your thoughts.
You smile at him. “Yes. I am okay.”
He sighs out of relief. “That’s good. That’s good — and I thought about… the conversation. I get it. It’s okay.”
“No. It’s not okay,” you tell him, and Jungwon looks at you, confused. “I should help you understand. I’m sick. I didn’t want you to know, because everyone around me has been taking care of me, and I have constantly felt like a burden — I did not want you to have to suffer through all of my problems, if we ever started dating.”
“But you will get better, won’t you?”
You press your lips into a thin line. You want to make the best out of these five years. You do not want Jungwon to know that there is no cure. So, you lie. “I will be alright.”
“And I’m sorry, Jungwon.”
“Sorry for…?”
“I really didn’t want to do this in a hospital room, of all places, but I shouldn’t have pulled away that night. I’m sorry for making you feel confused about my feelings,” you tell him. “I wanted it to happen, and I messed things up today because I was scared. I don’t want you to think that I don’t like you, because I do. I don’t know how relationships work, I don’t know how this will go, but I know that… I would like to spend every cherry blossom season with you too.”
“Are you sure?” Jungwon asks, as if he’s in disbelief.
“Yes. I am sure.”
Jungwon gives you the widest smile you’ve ever seen from him, a pink flush blooming across his cheeks. “I really like you, (Name).”
He’s been quietly holding onto his love for you for years. Sure, he’s gone on a couple dates with other people — but even with no contact, his mind drifts off to you. He knows that the effect you have on him is absurd, but he just can’t help it.
He takes your hand, lacing your fingers with his. Even though you are in a hospital bed, everything seems right — with Jungwon, everything always seems right.
So this is the feeling that Chaewon has gushed over. Love.
And now that you finally feel it — love — you’re floating on cloud nine. Yang Jungwon likes you. You like Yang Jungwon. Those fears you once had have now dissipated.
“I would kiss you, but I’d rather not have our first kiss to be in a hospital.” he whispers, pressing his forehead against yours.
“It’s okay,” you say, smiling. “I can wait.”
Jungwon now realises that he has loved you silently for too long.
Now he gets to love you out loud.
NINE.
You return home a couple days later.
Jungwon visits you every day when you’re in the hospital. “Rest up, and then we can spend time together. We can go wherever you’d like,” he says, his hand in yours.
“Your condition improves more when Jungwon’s here.” Soobin tells you. “Really?” you ask him, and your sister’s fiancée shakes his head.
“I meant your mood. Not the whole… you know. But I’m working on a cure, don’t forget that.” he says, ruffling your hair.
“Condition is not the same as attitude, Soob. Plus, with the whole cure thing… you always say that.”
“Don’t give up hope, (Name). Your brother-in-law is going to save your life.” he says, smiling at you. You chuckle at his use of the word “brother-in-law”. He hasn’t even married Chaewon yet.
You decide to listen to Soobin’s words — to not give up hope. For the first time, you want to believe that Soobin can create the cure. You want to live, because 5 years are truly not enough.
Those chances are slim. But you ignore that for now. Chaewon tells you to live in the moment, so you do.
You spend the first day out of hospital in Jungwon’s apartment.
“I’m so tired!” Jungwon says, flopping into his bed. You laugh at his antics, and he rolls over, holding his arms out to get you to lie down on the bed with him.
You do, and Jungwon wraps you in his arms, kissing you on the cheek. “You have yet to give me the kiss you told me you’d give me when I was in hospital,” you remind him, and Jungwon smiles.
“I just kissed you on the cheek. That counts, doesn’t it?” he says, teasing you. You frown, and Jungwon smiles at your cute expression. “I’m kidding.”
He leans in, pressing his lips to yours. He kisses you tenderly, one hand cupping your cheek and one hand resting on your waist. The kiss is slow, with the both of you wanting to treasure this moment for as long as you can, and when you finally pull away, you see Jungwon smiling brightly at you, with nothing but love and adoration in his eyes.
“One more.” he says, leaning back in to kiss you again.
He repeats this process ten more times. He pulls away, tells you he wants one more, kisses you again, and then the cycle repeats.
“You are one funny guy.” you tell him.
“Is it funny to want to kiss my girlfriend?” he asks you, his face inches away from yours. You can’t stop the goofy smile from spreading across your lips, and Jungwon finds such amusement in your reaction.
“No,” you reply. This time, you’re the one to lean in first, stealing a kiss from him. He gasps when you pull away, looking at you with wide eyes. “And you called me the funny guy!” he says.
“Well, I like you a lot.” you say.
Maeumi’s bark disturbs the moment that you two have been sharing. “I think he’s telling us to get a room.” you whisper to him, giggling.
“Maeumi, I am in my room!” Jungwon gets up from the bed to ruffle Maeumi’s fur. Maeumi wanders back outside to the living room, and Jungwon returns to the bed. “Let’s watch a movie,” he says, turning on the television in his room.
You make yourself comfortable, sitting in between Jungwon’s legs, resting your head against his chest. You feel his heart beating, perfectly in sync with yours.
Thump, thump, thump. You’ve never felt more alive.
Jungwon notices the small smile on your lips. “What’s got you so happy?” he asks, and you shake your head. “Nothing. Just you.”
“Just me?” Jungwon says, and you nod. He presses a kiss to the top of your head. “Well, I’m glad that I can make you happy.”
For someone who is dying, joy is not an emotion that comes easily. The pills you take each morning, the constant doctor’s appointments and the pity you see on people’s faces whenever you walk into a room are just some of the things that remind you of your fate. Joy is hard to experience with the constant reminder of death looming just around the corner.
But when you’re with Jungwon, joy comes easily.
You’ve never smiled more after Jungwon officially asked you to be his girlfriend. He asked you the day before you were going to be discharged, showing up to the hospital with a bouquet of pink flowers. “I know they’re not cherry blossoms,” he tells you. “But I hope you still like them.”
You keep these pink flowers in a vase that you’ve placed near your desk. You tell yourself to buy the exact same flowers to replace these ones when they eventually wilt.
“I wouldn’t have asked you to be my girlfriend in a hospital room, but I couldn’t wait any longer.” he had said, his hand holding yours.
The pain you feel across your chest hurts a little less when he’s holding your hand. His smile allows you to forget about the fact that you’re dying, just for a while.
You take a deep breath. This is what it’s like to be alive.
Now that you’ve got a taste of it, after restricting yourself from being able to experience the joy and wonder of what life truly is — you find that you want more life. You want more time.
You want more cherry blossom seasons with Yang Jungwon.
5 seems too little.
Jungwon senses that you’re feeling a little tense, and gives you a kiss on the top of your head. “You okay?” he asks you, and you tilt your head to look at him.
“Yeah. I’m okay.” you tell him, squeezing his hand to reassure him.
“If you want to talk about anything, just tell me. Like I said that day in the park — we can share any burdens you might have together. I’m always here for you.” he tells you softly, and your heart warms at his words.
“Thank you, Won.” you tell him, and you press your lips to his in a soft kiss. “I’m so lucky to have found you.”
“I could say the same about you.”
TEN.
Chaewon’s wedding is today.
It’s been 2 months since you and Jungwon started seeing one another. Every day you spend with him, you feel like you’re falling more and more in love.
You decide to take Jungwon as your plus-one to the wedding. Chaewon is nothing but overjoyed, and she tells you that your parents can properly meet him for the first time (since the first time your parents saw him was at the hospital, after you had fainted at the park.)
“Do I look okay?” you ask Jungwon, who’s patiently waiting for you in a black suit and tie.
Jungwon’s breath hitches in his throat. You look absolutely mesmerising, and Jungwon can’t take his eyes off of you. You’re absolutely breathtaking — he can’t even say a word, his mouth agape as you chuckle at your reaction.
“Won? Hello?”
“Sorry,” he says, snapping out of his daze. “You look… incredible. You are gorgeous, (Name).”
You smile at him, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “We better get going, we don’t want to be late.”
The drive to the wedding venue is filled with laughter, and blasting your favourite songs from the speakers of Jungwon’s car. You tell him about some of the things you’ve written, and he asks if you’ve written anything about him.
You tell him it’s a secret, even though the answer is yes.
You’re writing a book, detailing the last 10 years of your life. You decide not to tell Jungwon the topic of the book, because you wouldn’t want him to find out like this. You don’t want him to find out at all, actually.
But despite the grim topics that you know your book will touch on, every part that mentions Jungwon will be filled with nothing but words of love, joy, and adoration.
When you and Jungwon arrive at the venue, the first thing you notice is how the exterior is decorated beautifully. Chaewon did show you how she wanted everything to be decorated, but now that you see it all in front of you, it looks magical.
“(Name)!” you hear Wonyoung call out to you, and standing beside her is Ricky. Their relationship, just like yours and Jungwon’s, is going well. Wonyoung had told you that she and Ricky had just flown out to Paris for a romantic getaway.
“Wonyo!” you say, walking up to her and giving her a hug. “You look gorgeous, as always.”
Wonyoung blushes at your compliment, thanking you. “You look amazing as well! Jungwon, you’re a lucky guy.” she says, smiling at him, and Jungwon nods.
“That I am,” he says, pressing a kiss to the side of your head.
“You guys are so cute. You know, I’ve been watching this guy pine for you since 7th grade, you know that?” Ricky points towards Jungwon, whose cheeks are now turning red. “He’s liked you for a very, very, very, long time.”
“I could say the same about you for Wonyoung,” Jungwon replies, and now Ricky’s the one left with red cheeks, as Wonyoung laughs.
“Where’s Minji and Hajoon?” you ask your friend, and she shrugs. “I think they’re coming soon. We should probably head into the venue and find our seats,” Wonyoung replies, and you nod. “You guys are sitting in the front, because you’re family, right?”
You nod, walking inside the venue. The inside is just as gorgeous as the outside — white chairs are lined up in rows, with a small bouquet of flowers tied to the ends of the chairs on each row. There’s a giant crystal chandelier dangling from the ceiling, and you can’t help but look around in awe.
“Am I in the front with you?” Jungwon asks, and you nod. “Of course,” you say, squeezing his hand. You two make your way to the front row, and your parents are already seated. “Oh, (Name)! And you must be Jungwon. We met at the… hospital, didn’t we?” your mother asks, and Jungwon nods, bowing to her.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s nice to see you again.” he says, and your parents smile at him. “It’s nice to see you again under… better circumstances, Jungwon.” your father says, referring to the incident in the hospital.
“Thank you, sir. I’m glad to be here, the wedding looks beautiful.” he says, admiring the decorations. “Our Chaewon did so much planning for the big day,” your mother replies, smiling. “I’m so happy everything came out the way she and Soobin wanted it to.”
“You know Chae. Ever the perfectionist. Soobin as well,” you joke, and your parents chuckle. “It’s their wedding day. Of course they want things to be perfect.” your mother replies.
Suddenly, you hear the loud voice of your aunt. “Hello, hello! And who’s this?” she asks you, pointing at Jungwon.
“This is Jungwon. He’s my boyfriend, auntie.” you tell her, as she sits down next to your mother. “You? Boyfriend?” she asks, looking very surprised.
Something about her reaction makes you feel very uncomfortable, and Jungwon can sense that. He gives your hand a small squeeze to reassure you. “Uh, yes. Nice to meet you.” he says to your aunt, who looks him up and down.
“How do you know (Name)?”
“High school, ma’am. We were in the same class. We reconnected after accidentally bumping into each other at the park though, and then there was this high school reunion.” he explains, and your aunt nods along to his words — she is not hiding her disinterest at all.
“Well.” is all that she says, and you sigh.
The music starts playing, and you know the wedding is about to start.
When you watch your sister walk down the aisle, you can’t help but have a few tears in your eyes. Jungwon silently gives you a pack of tissues that he’s purposely put in his pocket — he knows that weddings are typically an emotional affair.
“I’m so happy for her.” you say, and Jungwon nods. “They make a very nice couple.” he says to you.
By the time Chaewon’s about to say your vows, you’ve already used up Jungwon’s entire pack of tissues. Mainly because your parents are both crying hysterically.
“Soobin, when I saw you for the first time, something seemed to just… click. It was as if I knew you were going to hold an important place in my life, and I was right. Here I am, standing in front of you, about to marry you, the love of my life. Before I knew you, I had all these… thoughts about how love would be just like the movies, picture-perfect and like a fairytale. Our love isn’t perfect — you are always busy, and I always am busy. But we make things work. And with you, I’ve learned that love doesn’t exactly have to be perfect. Love just needs to be with the right person. And you, Choi Soobin, are the right person for me.”
You’ve never seen Soobin emotional. He’s crying, and it is a strange sight to witness. But you know those are tears of happiness, tears of joy.
The room erupts into cheers when they kiss, and you can’t stop smiling from ear to ear.
Jungwon finds himself looking at you, as Chaewon and Soobin walk down the aisle together.
Maybe that could be you and him someday. Not anytime soon, of course, considering that you two had only been dating for 2 months.
But Jungwon dreams for a forever with you. He sees a forever with you. He wants a forever with you.
He just doesn’t know that he can’t.
TEN.
During the after party, you go into the bathroom to hide while you take your medicine.
You don’t wish for it to be a whole scene, and you certainly don’t want people asking you about why you need medication. Or much worse, people who know about your illness bringing up the fact that you’re dying right in front of Jungwon.
He must not know. He cannot know.
You take a small bottled water into the bathroom stall with you, and as you open your small pill box, taking out the medicine, you hear 2 voices.
One that belongs to your aunt, and one who’s presumably her friend, based on the way they’re giggling.
“Oh, what a wonderful wedding. Eunsoo must be so happy about how everything went.” your aunt’s friend says. “Chaewon and Soobin are such a perfect match.”
“Absolutely,” your aunt replies. “Ah, do you know (Name) brought her boyfriend to the wedding?”
“(Name)? I heard she only had 2 to 3 years left, right? Because of that dreadful illness. Poor Eunsoo, losing a daughter so young. And poor Chaewon too, losing your sister so quickly after getting married.” your aunt’s friend sighs.
You don’t want to hear this conversation. You didn’t bring headphones, nothing to drown their voices out. But you simply cannot leave the bathroom stall now, not while they’re out there.
So you have to listen.
“Yes, she’s got a maximum of 5 years left. She looks much happier today, I must say. But I pity the boyfriend. Seems like a very sweet young man,” your aunt says, and you feel absolutely terrible. “He doesn’t seem to know about the illness, which is for the better. I only pray that he won’t be too hurt when she eventually goes.”
“Poor (Name) won’t even be able to get married. 5 years is not enough time.”
“Don’t you think (Name) is wasting the poor boy’s time? She seeks happiness before she goes, but… what’s his name again? Jungwon, he’ll be terribly devastated. If I was in her position, I wouldn’t risk it.”
Your aunt’s words make you feel like throwing up.
You have thought all these things before. But now hearing that other people have thought about it too makes everything feel much worse. Maybe you are wasting Jungwon’s time — maybe he should find someone better, someone who isn’t dying, someone who could give him a forever.
“We better get back,” your aunt says. “I heard the cake is delicious.”
When you hear the door close behind them, you let out a sigh. You hastily take your pill, swallowing it down. You leave the bathroom stall, looking at yourself in the mirror.
Deep breaths, (Name). Jungwon’s voice rings in your head.
Don’t think about anything you just heard. Don’t mention what you just heard to anyone. Act like everything is just perfectly fine.
You plaster on a smile before exiting the bathroom, and you make your way over to Jungwon. You fiddle with your fingers nervously, and Jungwon grabs ahold of one of your hands. “Is something wrong?”
He’s so attentive. It’s so incredibly sweet, but also makes it incredibly hard to hide anything from him. You’re lucky he doesn’t pry when you tell him you’re fine — he trusts you. If you’re not ready to tell him, he doesn’t push it.
“I’m okay, Won, I was just redoing my makeup. From crying.” you lie. You can’t show him that you were shaken up due to what you had overheard from the bathroom – especially words that had come out of a family member’s mouth.
Thanks to your aunt, many of the fears that you had before come back. They haunt you like demons that attach themselves to you like leeches on your shoulder, their dark, gloomy voices whispering into your ear. You are wasting his time, they tell you. You are hurting him. You might bring him joy now, but you will bring him endless sadness.
“Yes, you did cry quite a bit,” Jungwon’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts. He rests his hand on your shoulder, and all those demons suddenly disappear. “You’re lucky that I brought those tissues.”
“My parents basically used all of them – they were hysterical. Plus, I’m surprised Chaewon didn’t burst into tears the second she saw Soobin.”
Chaewon appears the second you say her name. “I was holding in my tears, thank you very much.” she says, and you greet her with a hug. “You’re married, Chae!”
“I’m married!” she squeals, showing off her ring. “My heart is just… so full. I feel like it could explode right now.” The pure joy on Chaewon’s face is very clearly visible, and seeing your sister so happy with Soobin brings a smile to your face.
“Jungwon, I hope you don’t mind that I steal your girlfriend away from you for just a little bit,” Chaewon says, and you roll your eyes playfully at her. “I’ve got to talk to her.”
“I’m your sister,” you remind her as she drags you away from your boyfriend. “Sorry,” you mouth to Jungwon, who chuckles, telling you to come back soon. When you leave his side, you see your parents go up to him, and Jungwon greets them politely.
“So… you brought him to the wedding. Things must be getting serious.” Chaewon says, taking a sip of her champagne. You look back at Jungwon talking to your parents, and he’s laughing at something that your mother had said. “Yes. I suppose so,” you hum. “It’s been 2 months since we started dating.”
“Yet it feels like it’s been two years. In the span of 2 months, you and Jungwon have done more couple-like things than Soobin and I have in our 7 years of being together.” she says matter-of-factly, gazing at her now-husband, who’s talking to Taehyun. Judging by how pink Soobin’s ears are, Taehyun’s definitely teasing him about crying at the altar.
“That’s not true,” you refute. “You and Soobin are so couple-y. It’s just that you two are always busy. Soobin’s a doctor, you’re always working on your design projects at home. Whenever you two are free, you’re the most PDA-packed couple I know.”
Chaewon rolls her eyes, feigning annoyance as you stifle a laugh. “You know like 2 couples.”
“Wrong, I know 3. Ricky and Wonyoung, over there.” you say, pointing the new couple out to Chaewon, who’s eyes widen. “Oh, right! They just went on a romantic trip to Paris too. When will you and Jungwon do that?” she asks you, lightly nudging you with her elbow.
“I don’t know,” you hum, gazing at Jungwon with a soft smile on your lips. “Maybe someday. Someday soon, before I have to end it. But I’m content with where we are right now. It’s just him and I… and everything is… good. Life is good, he is good, I am good.”
Chaewon recognises that look in your eye. Love.
She remembers you asking her what falling in love feels like. Chaewon had told you that it felt like feeling so much joy to the point where you felt like your heart would explode. She guesses that you understand what that feeling is now.
“You’re in love.” she muses, a smile spreading across her lips.
You look at Jungwon, and he looks at you. Your heart thumps in your chest as he flashes you that dazzling smile that you’re greeted by every morning. Thump, thump, thump. Your heartbeat matches the rhythm of his.
“I suppose I am.”
ELEVEN.
There are some days when you feel weaker than usual.
Today is one of those days. You wake up next to Jungwon, and you just feel fragile, as if your bones could shatter if you were just nudged gently. You just feel tired.
“Morning, my love.” he says, when you turn over to face him. You smile at the petname, and Jungwon gives you a quick kiss. “I’ll go get your medicine.” he tells you, getting out of bed.
You feel like the luckiest person alive to have someone like Yang Jungwon in your life. He returns with a glass of water and your medication, handing the pill to you as you sit yourself up on the bed, back against the headboard. You take the pill from him gratefully, washing it down with the glass of water he had given you.
“Do you have to go to work today?” you ask him, tugging on the edge of his shirt, motioning for him to climb back into bed with you. He does, pulling the blanket over his body and wrapping his arms around you. “Yes, unfortunately so.” he replies, and you frown.
“Don’t be sad. I’ll meet you for lunch, you can write your book here, spend the day with Maeumi if you’d like.” he tells you, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose. You smile at his gesture, and Jungwon swears that with every smile you flash him — he falls more and more in love with you.
“I’ll probably stay at home. Not feeling very… me today, if that makes sense.” you tell him, and it’s now Jungwon’s turn to frown. “Did something happen?” he asks you, and you shake your head.
“No,” you reply. “Just tired and… I don’t know.”
“What do you not know?” he asks you, and you think perhaps you should open up to him just a little. You’ve been hiding fears from him for all this time because you don’t want him to find out your illness is incurable — but you know that Jungwon can tell when something’s wrong with you. You don’t want to leave him in the dark more than you already have been, considering you’re not telling him that you’re dying.
“I feel weak. This sickness is… tiring and draining. Everyone around me seems to feel the need to take care of me and I know you keep telling me that I shouldn’t think of myself this way but… I just feel like I’m burdening everyone.” you confess. Jungwon hugs you a little tighter after you tell him.
“You are ill, (Name). People who care about you will try to do their best to make you feel as comfortable as you can be. Don’t think that they’re doing it out of obligation — they do it out of love. I do it out of love,” Jungwon says, and his words bring tears to your eyes. Jungwon notices, and he wipes your tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “I love you, and I am here for whatever you need. You will never be a burden to me. I’ve told you this many times, and I will tell you it again and again.”
You just realised that this is the first time Jungwon’s ever told you he loves you. You can’t help but suddenly smile, even though there are tears rolling down your cheeks. “What’s with the sudden smile, my love?” Jungwon asks — but he’s not complaining. He loves to see your smile, its brightness could rival the sun’s.
“You just told me that you loved me for the first time.” you say, and Jungwon nods.
“I did,” Jungwon replies. “I love you.”
You press your lips to his in a sweet kiss, and you can’t stop the goofy, lovesick grin that appears on your face when you pull away. “I love you too, Jungwon.”
“Everything will be just fine, my love. We’ll go see the cherry blossoms every year. You do say you like them a lot. Plus, you compare yourself to them quite often.” he reassures you.
Every year, as in only 5 more years. But Jungwon doesn’t know that.
“I compare myself to them because just like them, I am fragile.” you say, and Jungwon shakes his head. “No. That is one quality of the cherry blossom that you do not possess. I compare you to them, because just like the flowers, you are beautiful. More beautiful than the flowers, in fact.”
Your cheeks feel hot at Jungwon’s words, burying your face in his neck out of shyness. Your boyfriend chuckles, patting your back. “You will get better in no time, (Name). I know it.”
Your heart aches knowing that you don’t think you’ll be able to get better before a cure is properly made for your illness. You want more days, more months, more years.
You found your reason to live, but now your life is slipping away.
You smile at him. You hope he doesn’t know it’s a sad smile. “Yes. You’re right,” you try to hide the shakiness of your voice, praying that he doesn’t ask if anything’s wrong — you know how attentive he is, especially towards you. “I will get better.”
She’s wasting his time. Your aunt’s voice rings in your head, and you find that she has replaced the demons that constantly haunt you.
But when Jungwon presses his lips to yours once again, that voice disappears. All is well. The silence isn’t strange, or weird at all. Jungwon runs his hand up and down your back, and his touch is comforting.
“You better get dressed before you’re late to work.” you whisper against his lips. “Maybe I’ll call in sick today.” he replies, a cheeky smile on his lips. He kisses you again, before crawling out of bed. You sit back up, a smile on your lips as you watch Jungwon disappear into the bathroom.
On the days where you feel weak, there are times where Jungwon is able to make you feel as if you are invincible. As if you’re able to take on whatever life throws at you, despite your illness draining the life out of you day by day.
You remain in bed while Jungwon gets ready to go to work, your laptop perched on your lap as you type your book up. “I have to go now. I will see you at lunch, my love.” he bids you goodbye with another sweet kiss.
“See you,” you call out. “I love you.”
Jungwon looks back at you. “I love you too.”
TWELVE.
You have a doctor’s appointment today.
Jungwon insists on coming with you, but you tell him that you’ll be fine. Chaewon is going with you, and so are your parents. Plus, it’s only a check up anyways. And, Jungwon is getting pretty busy with a new case of his — you don’t want him to have any distractions.
You head into the hospital, the place that you could somewhat consider a second home. There was a period of time where you spent months here, surrounded by white walls, white curtains and the constant beeping of the machines that used to terrify you when you were younger.
Now, these beeping noises are no longer terrifying — they are familiar, they are normal. These white walls and white curtains are things that you have grown accustomed to.
You sit on the hospital bed, Chaewon sitting by your side as she sketches out new designs in her sketchbook. “That’s a nice dress,” you say, taking a peek of what she’s drawing, and she looks up at you. “I’d buy it.”
Chaewon holds up the book to show you it so you can see the design a bit more clearly. “Really? I feel like it looks a little bland,” she frowns. It’s a short black dress with unique sleeves — simple, but classy. “You have the sleeves. It’s not bland.”
“Hmm. I’ll take your word for it,” she says gladly, and you nod. You revert your focus back onto your book — you can’t seem to find the right words to describe the boring, empty 5 years before you met Jungwon. It was a meaningless 5 years, which is why you don’t feel like there’s much to say.
“Do you think Soobin has made any progress about the cure for my condition?” you suddenly ask Chaewon, who places her pencil down on her lap. “I’m not so sure, (Name). Are you curious?”
Chaewon notices how there seems to be a slight glimmer of hope in your eyes. “Yes,” you reply. Your sister has never seen you so interested or so full of hope when it comes to curing your illness — she thought you had given up. Or at least that’s what you had always said to her. “I am… holding out hope, just as you are.”
“Why the sudden change in perspective? Not that I’m complaining.” Chaewon asks, and you shrug.
“I want to live.”
If this cure works, you don’t just get 5 cherry blossom seasons with Jungwon. You get much, much more. And you get more time with your sister, and you two could maybe finally tick off those boxes on your shared bucket list. You could finally see your book be published, and fulfil your childhood dream of becoming an author.
Your sister knows why you are hopeful. You want more time to be with Jungwon. Ever since you met him again, she’s noticed how you don’t find life to be dull, meaningless, and boring — you now allow yourself to enjoy it. You allow yourself to find joy in the littlest of things, in the silliest of things.
You have asked her to go out with you more, often bringing up the bucket list that you two made. “Let’s complete the ones we can complete!” you tell her, and Chaewon had never been so overjoyed to hear such words come out of your mouth.
You finally seem to understand how vibrant, how beautiful and how worthwhile life can be. You are making the most out of the 5 years that you have left — and despite how Chaewon does find the change in your perspective about life a little sudden, she’s not complaining. Your fears seem to have disappeared entirely, and you haven’t been talking about your impending doom for a while now.
Because over the past few months, you realise that your life is something that you don’t want to end so quickly. You’ve been insanely lucky to know people like Jungwon, Chaewon, Minji and Wonyoung in your life — you suppose people who get too lucky in one aspect of life will sometimes be extremely unlucky in another.
Your longtime doctor, Doctor Lee, walks into the room, holding a clipboard. Soobin follows her into the room, and he greets Chaewon with a wide smile.
“Well, nothing about your condition has changed since the last time you came, (Name). Have you been feeling alright?” Doctor Lee asks you.
“Yes, I’ve been feeling fine. My medication is helping, I think.” you say, smiling brightly at your doctor.
Doctor Lee has never seen you this happy — well, to be fair, it is a hospital. Most people are not exactly overjoyed to be here, but the usual frown plastered on your lips is replaced with a bright smile.
“You seem hopeful.” Doctor Lee knows that you had accepted that you were going to pass soon. You didn’t seem interested in prolonging your life at all, didn’t seem interested in seeing if there was some sort of cure out there — he had thought you had given up hope entirely.
Chaewon looks at the doctor. “She is.”
“That is good,” Doctor Lee says. You don’t notice the subtle look that Soobin gives Chaewon to tell her to follow him outside. “Stay hopeful.”
Chaewon tells you that she’ll speak to Soobin outside for a quick moment, and you nod, returning your focus to your laptop, typing on the keyboard.
I was 22 when I first felt hope that I would be able to live longer than the 10 years that I was given. I had totally given up, really, when I first got my diagnosis. All hope was crushed when I heard the news, and somehow, 5 years later — I had found that hope again.
You don’t know that outside your hospital room, Soobin and Doctor Lee have to crush that hope that you had just found.
“It didn’t work?” Chaewon asks in disbelief. Soobin had worked days, and nights in order to develop this trial medicine — only for everyone to find out that it hadn’t worked. “I’m sorry, Chae.”
“Keep trying.”
Doctor Lee sighs. “Chaewon, we—“
“You promised.” she says, cutting Doctor Lee off. Your sister looks at the two of them with teary eyes, and Soobin reaches a hand out to comfort her. “You promised that you would do whatever it took to cure my sister. (Name) finally believes that you two could do something — that there would be a cure, and you’re telling me that you want to give up?”
“We don’t want to give up. We just have to find… another way. And that other way might take a lot of time… time that (Name) does not have.” Doctor Lee says, and Chaewon clenches her fists in frustration.
“I have… so much that I have yet to do with (Name). We haven’t even gone travelling together. No concerts, no fun moments after her diagnosis. I have spent hundreds and thousands of days in these rooms, surrounded by white walls, white curtains, worrying that she could die any minute, and waiting for answers on whether someone will be able to help her live. I have always held out hope, and I am not going to lose that hope now. Not when she has just found that hope too. 5 years is enough time. Say it will be enough.”
Soobin sighs, looking at Doctor Lee hesitantly. “I cannot guarantee anything, Chaewon. I am sorry.” Doctor Lee replies, looking down at her shoes.
Chaewon looks at Soobin, tears brimming in her eyes. It pains Soobin to see her like this. His heart aches, it burns — he really wished that the medicine had worked. “Say it. Soobin, please.”
“I… it will be enough.”
THIRTEEN.
It has been nearly a year since you met Jungwon again in the park.
Time flies much faster than you’d like for it to, and it reminds you that the end for you is approaching. Your days seemed to take forever to pass by when you were spending your days at home, cooped up inside — but now when you’re with Jungwon, your days seem to pass by so much quicker.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, my love.” Jungwon says, pressing a kiss to your cheek. He hands you a bouquet of pink flowers, which you gladly accept. There’s a wide smile on your lips as you look at the flowers,
“I would’ve gotten you cherry blossoms, but — it’s hard to put them in bouquets.” Jungwon tells you, and you shake your head. “No, it’s alright. I love them.”
“I also have another gift for you. Well, I have many gifts, but this one’s a fun one,” he hands you a pink box, with your name written on it in cursive. “Open it.”
Inside the box is a white wig. Two white wigs, in fact.
You’re very confused as to why Jungwon would give you two white wigs for Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t Halloween — but you still wouldn’t really understand being gifted white wigs on Halloween anyways. You look at him with a perplexed expression as Jungwon tries to stifle a loud laugh.
“What’s this?” you ask, picking up one of the wigs. “Why'd you give me 2 white wigs?”
“Well, it’s a long story. I came up with it after Ricky told me something the other day,” Jungwon says, sitting down on the couch, patting the seat next to him, motioning for you to sit down beside him. “Ricky told me about this Chinese idiom the other day.”
Jungwon copy pastes the characters from Ricky’s text message into the Google search bar. You look at Jungwon, confused as to what this idiom means.
“It means to grow old together, healthily and happily, until our hair’s all white.” Jungwon fiddles with the wig, and you didn’t know a gesture so silly could hold so much… meaning. “Me giving this to you means that I want to grow old with you, until our hair’s all white. Hence the white wigs.”
You feel like crying.
Jungwon sees the tears fall from your eye, and he looks at you in alarm. “(Name), why are you crying?”
“I don’t know,” you say, as you let Jungwon wipe your tears away with the pad of his thumbs. “The whole… growing old with you thing. The white wigs are so… stupid, so funny — but the meaning behind it is so sweet. You’re too sweet.”
But you do know why you’re crying, you just cannot tell him. You won’t be able to grow old with him, healthily and happily. You are but just a small chapter in Jungwon’s life, perhaps a very important one, but a small one nevertheless.
5 years is very short when you consider how long the average human lifespan is — you and Jungwon only have 5 years.
5 years to live, 5 years to love.
You won’t be able to see Jungwon’s hair go as white as these wigs. Jungwon won't be able to see your hair in that state too, because by the time that rolls around — you’d have been gone for years and years. He might’ve even forgotten about you.
“They do look quite funny, don’t they?” Jungwon takes the other wig out of the box, putting it on his head. You laugh at how he looks with the white wig on — he’s put it on terribly, his natural dark brown hair peeking out from the bottom. “This is what I’m going to look like when I’m old. This is a preview.”
You smile. “We need to draw some wrinkles onto your face.”
“I’m gonna put the other one on for you.”Jungwon says, taking the wig out of your hands, and placing it on your head. He’s put the wig on just as badly, and he giggles at how you look with the white wig on.
“What, do I look bad?”
“No, (Name). You are very pretty. Too pretty, in fact. Even with my horrible wig application skills, you are still gorgeous,” he says, hand caressing your cheek. Your heart melts at his words, and you lean in to press a kiss to his lips. “You’ll always be gorgeous to me.”
“Even when I’m old and wrinkly?” you ask him, even though you know he’ll never see you when you’re old and wrinkly. Your life ends in 5 years, not in 50 years, or more.
“Even when you’re old and wrinkly.” he affirms. “Like I said… I want to grow old with you. We can be old and wrinkly together.”
As much as you want to be old and wrinkly with Jungwon, you feel as if it might be impossible. The last time you went to the hospital, you saw Chaewon returning into your room with teary eyes after a conversation with Soobin and Doctor Lee.
That is never a good sign.
You want to hope that you’ll get more time. But realistically… you feel as if your time is running out faster than ever before.
Jungwon will continue with his life. He will get to 30, 40, 50, 60, and so on. You, however — will only make it to 27.
Fate is cruel. You know that better than anyone. Fate tears your opportunity of finding your very own happily ever after, with Jungwon. Fate tears away the opportunity for you and Chaewon to check off every little box on that bucket list. Fate tears away the chance for you to grow old and wrinkly with Jungwon, white hair and all.
So you suppose seeing him with this white wig on will suffice. The wig is terribly applied, and when you first saw him with it on, you couldn’t resist laughing. But the more you look at him with the wig on, you can’t help but realise that this is your closest chance of seeing Jungwon old, wrinkly and white-haired.
Jungwon doesn’t know it, but this is also his closest chance of seeing you old, wrinkly and white-haired.
“You want to grow old with me?” you murmur.
“Of course I do. I love you,” Jungwon looks at you with the softest look in his eyes, and you can’t help but smile at him.
You want to grow old with him too. It’s a shame that you don’t think you’ll be able to.
“Do you want to grow old with me?”
“Yeah. Of course I do,” you reply, and Jungwon lets out a relieved sigh. “What, did you think I was going to respond differently?”
“No — I was just… I don’t know. Maybe it was too soon to tell you that I want to spend forever with you.” Jungwon rests his head on your shoulder, and you fiddle with the hairs of the white wig on his head.
“It’s not too soon. I want to spend forever with you too, Won.”
If your forever with Jungwon has to be 5 years, you decide that you’ll make it the best 5 years.
FOURTEEN.
The first cherry blossom season you spend with Jungwon as a couple rolls around.
The flowers are in full bloom, and as you and Jungwon walk around the park, hand in hand, the boy next to you can’t help but notice how your eyes widen in awe at the sight above.
Sure, you see these magnificent flowers each year, but every year, the sight of them gets more and more spectacular. It is as if the cherry blossoms are putting on a show for you — perhaps during the last cherry blossom season you’ll see in your lifetime, they will look even more splendid, even more grand and magnificent than they were in the previous years.
“Do you want a picture with the flowers?” Jungwon asks you, and you nod, handing him your camera. He tells you to stand in front of one of the trees as you smile brightly at the camera. The sight of your smile makes Jungwon’s heart race.
“You look pretty,” he hums, when you run back over to him to look at the photo. Your cheeks feel hot at his compliments, and Jungwon looks at your flustered face with a small smile. “What? It’s true.”
You tell Jungwon that you’ll take a photo of him, and he flashes a peace sign at the camera. You snap the photo, and right after, Jungwon bends down to pick up a cherry blossom flower that’s fallen to the pavement, still perfectly intact.
He walks up to you, tucking the delicate flower behind your ear. Just like he did during the second time you had met him at this park. Warmth blooms across your chest, and you can’t stop the giddy smile from spreading across your lips.
“Let me find one for you,” you tell him, taking his hand in yours. “We can match.”
You and Jungwon walk around the park, and now you realise that you two are one of the happy couples that you used to envy. You remember that you knew you would never be able to experience a love like they did – but you were wrong.
Now you understand what it’s like to love.
Falling in love could be the most complicated thing in the world – it is even more complicated for you, considering all the doubts and all the fears you had before you decided to give love a chance. But Jungwon makes falling in love easy.
Falling in love with Jungwon seems like the simplest thing in the world. As if it is natural, as if it was destined to happen.
You doubted if you could make him happy. You doubted if you were wasting his time – but never once had you doubted your feelings for him.
You think that you probably fell for him the minute you saw him again in the park, when Maeumi bumped into you. After that first meeting, even as you returned home, he was stuck in the back of your mind.
You still remember when he drunkenly told you that he thought you were pretty. You bring it up often, and Jungwon just replies with: “I knew what I was saying when I told you that.” Even after nearly a year of dating, Jungwon is still able to make you feel like you’ve fallen in love with him for the first time ever.
The birds are chirping, the cherry blossom petals are falling, and your hand is in Jungwon’s. Everything is right. The scenery is beautiful, and the boy walking beside you is even more beautiful. You remind him of it, and his cheeks go as pink as the vibrant blossoms up above.
You finally find a perfectly intact cherry blossom flower that’s fallen to the floor, and you pick it up with a big grin. “Look!” you tuck the flower behind Jungwon’s ear, and he lets out a soft chuckle. “Now we’re matching.”
“Yes, we are.” Jungwon replies, swinging your arms back and forth. Unconsciously, a smile makes its way onto your lips. It’s funny, considering how you didn’t smile often before you met Jungwon. People have noticed how you’ve seemed much happier, much more carefree.
“Do you remember what you told me the first time we were here alone? When Maeumi wasn’t here,” Jungwon suddenly asks, and you tilt your head, awaiting his answer. “You told me that you like cherry blossoms. Then, I asked you why. You told me that they’re beautiful, but don’t last very long, which is why you find them interesting. You said they feel familiar.”
You remember. Of course you remember.
“Then, I told you that I felt that their existence being short-lived allowed people to appreciate and admire them more. To cherish them more, to hold them dear.” he recounts, as you two walk further into the park.
“Mhm,” you say. Jungwon still hasn’t caught on to the fact that you said they felt familiar because just like their existence, yours will be short-lived too.
“You then said that they were beautiful. I agreed, but really, I was just looking at you.” he says, suddenly feeling shy as you smile.
“You have loved me for a long time. Ever since 7th grade, wasn’t it?” you ask, and Jungwon nods. “I’m surprised you even waited that long for me.”
“I’m very happy I waited.” Jungwon replies. “Because now, I get to spend every single day with you, the love of my life. We’ll get more of these cherry blossom seasons, won’t we? We’ll come here even when we’re old and wrinkly, with our hair as white as those wigs.”
“Yes,” you say, a slight hint of sadness in your tone. “More cherry blossom seasons.”
“30, 40, 50 cherry blossom seasons. We can see them all. Like you said, every year they seem to get prettier, right?” Your heart can’t help but melt at Jungwon seemingly already knowing that you are the one for him — but… 30, 40, 50 cherry blossom seasons are something that is simply unattainable for you.
“They do get prettier every year.” you hum.
“That’s good. I did tell you that I wanted to spend every cherry blossom season with you by my side, didn’t I?”
“You did. We can have 30, 40, 50 and more cherry blossom seasons,” you lie, and your heart hurts as you say those words — you’ve lied one too many times to Jungwon.
Then, you tell him another lie.
“We can have as many as you’d like.”
FIFTEEN.
You and Jungwon have now shared 3 cherry blossom seasons together.
Time is running out. The fourth cherry blossom season is about to roll around, and you know that you’re feeling weaker already. Hospital check-ups have been more frequent, you’ve spent more time at home lately, and you’ve been prescribed with a different medication.
Spending more time at home has allowed for you to have more time to work on your book, which is making good progress. You wrote about the times where you fell more and more in love with Jungwon, you wrote about how you were finally able to tick off some of the boxes on your bucket list with Chaewon, and you wrote about how you’re feeling, as your final 5 years are starting to come to a close.
You try to hide how you’re getting weaker day by day from Jungwon. You’re not sure if it’s working, but he hasn’t mentioned anything about it.
You’ve got another hospital check-up today, and thankfully, Jungwon’s busy with another case. You sit on the hospital bed again, laptop perched on your lap as you continue typing up your book, the sound of the keyboard clicking resounding throughout the room.
“Have you told Jungwon yet?” Chaewon asks you, and you shake your head. “I can’t.” you reply, and your sister frowns.
“Why not? He’s your boyfriend of 3 years.”
“He would be crushed.” you reply. Chaewon doesn’t understand — in all honesty, she thought Jungwon knew all along that you only had 5 years left. She didn’t expect for him to only know that you were ill, and left thinking that your illness was curable.
“So you’ve been lying to him about your illness being curable?” Chaewon asks, and you sigh, closing the lid of your laptop.
“Not lying, per se,” you start, but then you remember the amount of times you’ve told him that you two could have a forever. 30, 40, 50 cherry blossom seasons. “More so… hiding? I just don’t want to tell him.”
“Why?”
“I finally have… some sense of normalcy. Whenever I’m with Jungwon, I don’t feel like a helpless sick person. I finally have someone who I’m close to, someone who I love — who doesn’t see me as just my illness. He doesn’t know that I’m dying, he treats me as if I’m not dying — that is what I want. I want normalcy, I want to live life as if I don’t know that any second now, death will be knocking on my front door. And, Jungwon knowing would absolutely break him. He’s loved me since 7th grade — I can’t… I can’t tell him now.”
“He’s going to hurt more if you break up with him out of the blue before you have to go. Why not tell him now, so he can prepare himself?”
“I…”
Your train of thought is broken when Doctor Lee walks into the room. Your doctor looks worried, upset, even. Her eyebrows are knitted together as she looks at her clipboard with a dejected look on her face.
“Doctor?” Chaewon asks. “What’s the matter?”
“(Name)… your condition seems to be getting worse. You did mention how you felt more tired lately, didn’t you?” she asks.
“Yes, I did mention that.”
“I’m afraid I have to tell you that you only have about a year left. Maybe even less.” she says, and you sit there, shell-shocked as you try to process the news.
Your 5 years have been cut into 4.
The realisation that this is your last year left just hits you, and the dam breaks. You let out a loud sob, and Doctor Lee’s never seen you like this before. Chaewon wraps her arms around you as you sob into her shoulder, trying to control herself from bursting into tears just like you are.
You thought you were prepared. You thought you were ready to go — but you’re not. You don’t want to accept that this is your fate anymore, but what can you do? You cannot fight this illness — it is a battle you cannot win.
“It’s okay, (Name). It’s okay.” Chaewon says, patting your back in an attempt to comfort you. “I don’t want to go,” you choke out between sobs, and Chaewon shakes her head, tears brimming her eyes.
“I don’t want you to go either.” your sister says.
“I want more life.”
“I know.” she says, patting your head gently. “I want you to have more life too.”
“Why me?” you sob, and Chaewon wipes your tears with the tissues sitting on the side of your bed. “I don’t know. I wish I knew. I wish it wasn’t you.” she replies, wiping her own tears with the corner of her sleeve.
Chaewon thought she had more time. She was prepared for 2 more years left with you — but now knowing you had 1 year, or maybe even less was heartbreaking. She knew she would lose you earlier on in life, but not this early. Not when you weren’t even 26.
“What about the treatment, Doctor Lee? The other way?” Chaewon asks, a sense of urgency in her voice. Doctor Lee only sighs, looking down at her shoes.
“1 year is… very little time to decide whether or not it’ll work. There is no guarantee, so…”
“A year is not enough. That is what you mean.” your sister says, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry, (Name). I’m sorry, Chaewon. I wish we could’ve done more.” Doctor Lee leaves to give you both privacy.
“I thought I was ready.” you say, Chaewon trying her best to comfort you by patting your back lightly. “I’m… nowhere near ready. I don’t want to go. Please, Chae.”
You beg for Chaewon to do something, even though you know she can’t. No miracle medicine can save you now. The sand in the hourglass is running out, your time is ticking — and time flies fast.
“Do I have to tell Won?” you murmur, and Chaewon shakes her head, unsure of what advice to give you.
She thought she understood how hard it would be. But she could never imagine being put in your situation — dying, with the person you love not knowing that you’ll be gone within a year.
“I think… that is up for you to decide.”
SIXTEEN.
Jungwon meets up with Ricky for the first time in a couple of months.
Ricky’s never free anymore. His career has skyrocketed into success, and so has Wonyoung’s. But thankfully, Ricky’s able to make some time to see Jungwon just for a few hours before he’s off to another shoot.
Jungwon doesn’t know how he does it. Ricky was just in Milan a couple days ago — how is he not jet-lagged?
The two decide to meet at a coffee shop, one that they used to go to when they were both in high school. Ricky’s immediately noticeable, due to the expensive suit he’s wearing.
“It’s been ages, man.” Ricky says, and Jungwon nods. “It really has.” Jungwon replies, smiling.
“So, what have you been up to? Aside from… modelling.” Jungwon asks, and Ricky shrugs. “Spending time with Wonyoung. You know… 3 years, still going strong. I have to thank you and (Name) for getting us together, to be honest. We should do one of those double dates again sometime.” he replies, and Jungwon nods, agreeing.
“A hundred percent. We haven’t hung out as just us 4 in a while. I know (Name) meets up with Wonyoung and Minji occasionally.”
“So, how’s (Name)?” Ricky asks.
At the sound of your name, a lovesick grin immediately makes its way into Jungwon’s lips, and Ricky’s got that teasing, cat-like smirk plastered on his face at the sight of his friend’s expression. “Still whipped, aren’t you?”
“Even more than before, perhaps,” Jungwon replies. “I actually came to ask for your help.”
“Oh? What is it?” Ricky asks, leaning back in his chair, arms crossed.
“I need your help to help me choose a ring.”
Ricky immediately sits straight up in his chair, eyes widened as his jaw drops open. “You’re kidding! Engagement ring? Jungwon, are you planning to propose?”
Jungwon nods, a small smile on his lips. Ricky can’t resist pulling his friend in for a hug. “That’s crazy, oh my god! Well, not exactly, since you’ve been in love with her for like… forever, but oh my god. You’re going to be a married man.”
“I mean, I don’t know if she’s going to say yes...” Jungwon seems hesitant, and Ricky thinks that he has no reason to be. Ricky sees it in your eyes — you’re crazily in love with Jungwon, just as he is with you. There’s no way you won’t say yes.
“You, my friend — are very stupid. (Name) is one hundred percent going to say yes. She loves you so much! Maybe even too much. What ring do you have in mind?” Ricky asks, and Jungwon shrugs. He knows that he wants something to do with cherry blossoms. It’s what he could consider to be your thing. Those pink flowers are what suits you, and it’s something he knows that you love.
“Maybe like… cherry blossoms? Something related to that. She loves those flowers.”
Ricky nods. “Cherry blossoms. Hmm… that’s something that isn’t too common with engagement rings, but I’m sure we can find something. Or what about a pink diamond?”
Jungwon hums, nodding at Ricky’s suggestion. “I think she might like that.”
Ricky looks over at his friend, and he thinks that he’s never seen Jungwon this happy. He’s got a permanent smile plastered onto his lips, and he seems much more relaxed, much more carefree than before.
“Come on,” Ricky says. “Let’s go search for a ring.”
The two leave the coffee shop, making their way down the busy street. Ricky tells Jungwon about some of his modelling gigs, with Jungwon listening intently. “There’s a couple stores on this street,” Ricky says.
The first one the two boys go into has some nice rings — but Jungwon doesn’t think any of them particularly stand out to him, and none of them seem to suit you. There’s one that the shop assistant recommends to him, and Ricky thinks it’s a good choice, but Jungwon doesn’t want to get something that he knows you won’t love. The store also doesn’t sell pink diamond rings — Jungwon finds that he actually really likes Ricky’s suggestion.
“Thank you,” he tells the shop assistant politely. “I’ll just look around a couple other stores first.”
The second store has a couple good options. Ricky selects a few that he thinks looks nice, and thank god Jungwon decided to ask for Ricky’s help — he thinks that he’d be absolutely lost without him. There’s this one ring with a small pink diamond in the centre, and 2 other diamonds surrounding it. It looks nice, but Jungwon thinks that he would like for the pink diamond to be just a little bigger.
The third store is where Jungwon finds the perfect one.
He doesn’t even need Ricky’s help, either — he sees the ring in the display window, and Jungwon knows that it’s the one. There’s a round pink diamond in the centre, with smaller pink diamonds encircled around it, and then surrounded by white diamonds in a halo.
“Is that the one?” Ricky asks Jungwon, and he nods.
“I’ll take this one.”
“Of course, sir.” the shop assistant says, and Jungwon feels his heart beating faster than ever before. He’s bought the ring, he just needs a location, and… he just needs to pop the question.
“Are you nervous?” Ricky asks, and Jungwon nods — is he that jittery to the point where Ricky can tell? “Is it obvious?”
“I mean… to others, not really. But I’ve known you since high school, so yeah, it’s pretty obvious.” Ricky chuckles. “Look, you’ve got to relax. (Name) is going to say yes.”
“But what if she doesn’t? What if I’m rushing into things?”
“It’s been three years since you guys started dating. And (Name)’s crazily in love with you, I’ve told you this. Do you know how often Wonyoung tells me about how she gushes over you when they hangout? She loves you so much, Jungwon. Too much, even.” Jungwon feels a little less nervous after Ricky’s reassuring words, but that anxiousness comes back when the shop assistant returns.
“You can just pick up the ring next week. Are you in a hurry?”
“No, I’m not. Next week is perfect.” Jungwon replies.
“That’s good,” the shop assistant says. “We’ll see you next week then.”
Jungwon thanks them again, and he lets out a sigh. “I’m so scared.”
“You don’t have to be scared at all. She literally told you that she wanted to grow old and wrinkly with you — I think that’s very telling. Plus, your whole cherry blossom season thing. It’s so sickeningly cute. She will say yes. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Right, nothing to worry about. To more cherry blossom seasons with (Name).”
“As a married couple.” Ricky adds, and Jungwon laughs.
Little does Jungwon know, he does have something to worry about.
SEVENTEEN.
You don’t know what to do.
Your life is coming to an end, which means that you have to end it with Jungwon. You don’t want him to see you in hospital, with pale skin and an oxygen mask on.
Ever since you got told that your time would be cut short, once again, you’ve been racking your brain on how to break the news to Jungwon. You don’t want to let him go — but this is for the better, isn’t it?
You have cried so much during the past few weeks to the point where you’re not sure if you can even cry anymore.
You let yourself feel joy, happiness, and love when Jungwon is near — because you know that soon, all of those feelings will have to go away. You will never experience this type of love again when you end it with Jungwon.
You wake up earlier now, eyes scanning Jungwon’s features as he sleeps peacefully. You can’t help but smile when you look at him. He is so beautiful. So kind — everything you ever wanted and more. You brush his hair out of his eyes as you watch his chest rise and fall, rise and fall.
You want to burn the image of Jungwon’s face in your mind. Because after everything ends… you’ll never see him again.
“Good morning,” Jungwon says groggily, cracking one eye open. He notices you looking at him with the softest gaze in your eyes, and it brings a lovesick smile to his face. “You’re awake early.”
He kisses you good morning. You tell yourself to savour these small gestures while you still can.
Soon, you will never be able to see Jungwon again. Never be able to hold him, never be able to hug him, never be able to kiss him again.
You pull him closer to you, and Jungwon’s startled at your sudden action. “You’re clingy this morning,” he chuckles, wrapping his arms around your waist.
You cup his cheeks with your hands, pressing a kiss to his lips. You kiss him with such longing, even though you two have not been separated yet. You kiss him like it’s the last time you ever will.
Jungwon senses that there’s something different. The kiss is passionate, like every other one of your kisses. But this kiss feels like an apology.
You try not to let that tear slip from your eye. “Are you okay?” Jungwon asks you, when you two pull away. You nod, as Jungwon runs his hand up and down your back. His touch is gentle as always, and you hate how all of this has to end.
“I love you.” you tell him, and Jungwon smiles softly at you. “I love you too, (Name).”
And you kiss him again. You want to kiss him as many times as you can, because you know that you don’t have that many chances left. You have less than a year left, and you know a good half of that time will be spent in the hospital, with an oxygen mask over your face.
Your relationship with Jungwon has gone too fast for your liking. Why couldn’t time go slower? Why couldn’t the universe give you more days, more months, more hours with Jungwon?
You have to tell him. You have to tell him sometime soon.
Would it be too cruel to tell him before the cherry blossom season?
Ending it then is too soon for you. Everything is too soon. Your relationship ending, your impending death, all too soon.
In a different life, perhaps things could be different. You wouldn’t be sick, and you and Jungwon could spend the rest of your lives together, until you two were both old, wrinkly and white-haired. You could spend 30, 40, 50 cherry blossom seasons with him.
You two could get married. Have a ceremony like Chaewon and Soobin’s, invite all your friends, and your family. You two could start a family.
But none of that is possible.
Regardless, you are grateful for your time with Jungwon. Your little forever with him. 5 years is a short time for a forever, but you suppose it is one nevertheless.
He taught you what it’s like to love someone. Unconditionally.
Every second, every minute, every hour you spend with Jungwon by your side is something that you would consider magical. Perhaps maybe because you got so unlucky with your fate, the universe had sent him to you.
To make things better, before they got worse. To let you experience the one thing you thought you could never experience — love.
You didn’t expect to fall hard for Yang Jungwon. But it was easy to. With his bright smile, cat-like eyes and his heart of gold. He is too good to you. He is too good to everyone.
You can’t believe you never took much notice of him back in Grade 7, when Jungwon was already helplessly infatuated with you. You wished you had loved him earlier. You would’ve had more time with him, then.
More time to hold him, more time to kiss him, more time to love him. But now it is all too late, you are fading away, and he doesn’t know it.
You find that you are the luckiest person in the world, because you have had the privilege of being loved by Yang Jungwon.
The person he finds after you leave this earth, turning to nothing but stardust, will be exceptionally lucky too. Perhaps even more than you, because they get to spend that forever you never could have with Jungwon.
They get those 30, 40, 50 cherry blossom seasons. They don’t need white wigs, because they will be able to grow old and wrinkly together. They will get their forever, a proper one, not one that lasts only 4 years.
That person should love Jungwon with their entire heart and soul. Because when Jungwon loves, he loves hard. He puts 110% into the relationship, maybe even more.
You smile at Jungwon once again, thumb stroking his cheek.
Yang Jungwon is your first love, and he will also be your last.
EIGHTEEN.
Your final cherry blossom season arrives.
A flurry of pink petals cascade down to the pavement, welcoming you with open arms. You smile, trying to stop yourself from thinking about how you don’t have much more time to see these magnificent flowers again.
You and Jungwon go see the cherry blossoms at night this time. They’ve installed lights around the trees, and you think seeing the cherry blossoms at night might be prettier than in the day.
You and Jungwon are the only ones here.
The park is quiet, and as you admire the beautiful cherry blossoms illuminated by the light, Jungwon nervously fiddles with the velvet box in his pocket.
Is this the right time?
He’s not exactly dressed for the occasion, wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. You’re dressed similarly, but Jungwon thinks you’re gorgeous regardless of what you wear.
He takes the ring with him everywhere.
He doesn’t know when he knows it’ll be the right time — he supposes that he’ll just get that… feeling. Of knowing when it’s right.
“Jungwon, look! It’s so pretty.” you say, and he nods. “Very pretty,” he says, looking at you.
This time, you notice. He’s looking at you instead of the flowers. He always is. “What?” you ask, suddenly feeling shy under his gaze.
“Nothing,” Jungwon says, taking his hand out of his pocket. He leaves the box inside. “You’re pretty.”
Your heart would usually race at his words. But this time, it aches. It aches because you won’t be able to hear him say that everyday anymore. It aches because this is one of the last times where you’ll get to see the cherry blossom with Jungwon. It aches because everything is coming to an end.
All good things must come to an end, people say. But your end comes too soon, too quickly. Often, people can make good things last a little longer. They can hold on.
What can you hold onto to make things last?
Nothing. There is nothing.
You held out hope for a cure, but you don’t have much time left. You have no lifeline, nothing to save you. Nothing to make your relationship with Jungwon last, and nothing to make your life last.
“You are pretty too.” you tell him. You don’t know how many times you have left to tell him that.
Under the cherry blossom trees, illuminated by the lights, Jungwon pulls you in for a kiss. His lips are warm against yours, and you can taste the flavour of the cherry lip balm that he often uses. You sometimes steal it from him to use it yourself.
It is just you and him, nobody else around you both.
This is not how Jungwon had planned for the proposal to go. But he feels like… now would be a good time. That little voice in his head tells him — you should do it. He wants to do it. He wants to become your fiancée.
He has loved you since the 7th grade. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you. He’s known this ever since he kissed you for the first time.
You two pull away, and Jungwon looks at you with a hesitant look on his face. He looks like he’s dying to tell you something, and you look at him expectantly. He fiddles with something in his pocket, and you really hope he doesn’t do what you think he’s going to do.
“(Name), I… I have something to ask you.” You’ve never heard Jungwon this nervous. Even his voice is shaky — he sounds even more nervous than that day in the park, before you had collapsed.
He pulls out a small box. Your heart stops.
You can’t tell him no. You don’t want to tell him no.
But you have to.
You are dying — he wants to marry you, but you will die before a ceremony will be able to take place, before you two will be able to do things that married couples do, and before you two will be able to grow old and wrinkly together.
He gets down on one knee.
You try to not burst into tears before he says anything. You only look at him with your mouth agape, your heart shattered to pieces. How are you supposed to tell him?
“I… didn’t intend on doing this now,” he starts, letting out a deep breath. “But I feel… maybe this is the right time.”
“I love you. A lot. Being able to love you, and being able to be loved by you makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world. And I just know that you’re the only person that I’ll be able to love — in this lifetime, and every single one that follows. So… would you marry me? Would you want to spend every cherry blossom season with me?”
You let the corners of your lips curl up into a grin. Jungwon wants to take that as a yes. You look at the ring — it’s beautiful, and you want nothing more than to say yes. Because you want to marry Yang Jungwon, you really do.
But there is not enough time.
“Won… I…”
You move closer to him, and Jungwon gets up. Is this a yes? He doesn’t know. You only wrap him in a hug, burying your face into the crook of his neck. Then, he hears you let out a soft sob, and he looks at you in alarm.
With his free hand, the one that’s not holding the ring, he runs his hand up and down your back to comfort you. “I’m sorry.” you choke out between sobs.
You look at the box — you don’t want to look at him. You know he’s got the most dejected look on his face, and you can’t bear the thought of knowing that you caused it. You take his hand, the one that’s holding the ring, and you close the box.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Won.”
Jungwon doesn’t understand. Maybe you weren’t ready to say yes yet. But he saw that smile on your face after — was there something you weren’t telling him?
“Don’t be sorry. I understand. We can take our time.” he says, trying to hide the sadness in his voice. It’s okay, he tells himself. Maybe just not now. Maybe later is a better time anyways.
“The thing is… we don’t have time.”
You accidentally let those words slip. You didn’t mean to tell him now — you look at Jungwon’s expression, and he looks at you with the most confused look on his face. “What do you mean we don’t have time?”
Are you going to break up with him? Jungwon hurriedly shoves the velvet box back in his pocket.
“Did I do something wrong? Did I do something to upset you?” he asks you, and you shake your head, tears rolling down your cheeks — Jungwon wants nothing more than to wipe those tears away for you, but he doesn’t know if you want him to.
“No. You didn’t. You’ve made me the happiest person in the past few years.” you smile sadly at him, and Jungwon gets the feeling that you need to tell him something too. Something important.
“Then what’s wrong?”
“You’ve done nothing wrong. You never did anything wrong. It’s all my fault.” you say, and Jungwon shakes his head. “No, no — what makes you say that?”
“I’ve been lying to you. All this time.”
“What?”
“It’s an incurable disease.”
Jungwon’s entire world falls apart at the sound of those 4 words. What do you mean it’s incurable? Surely there is some sort of cure, some sort of treatment that can save you — with all the new technological advancements, something must be able to be done.
“So… I can’t… be with you.”
Jungwon’s world doesn’t just fall apart now. He feels like he’s falling apart too. The news is like a knife to his heart. He didn’t know that 6 words could leave him so broken — he’s surprised that he hasn’t fallen to his knees yet, or passed out.
He wishes that he would pass out. So then he’d wake up in the real world, and this would all be just a dream. You would wake up by his side, not sick and you two would be happily spending the rest of your lives together.
He pinches himself. It hurts. It’s real. Everything is real.
“I’m sorry, Won.” your heart hurts at the sight of Jungwon crying. You’ve never seen him cry before. Everything can’t end like this. “There must be something the doctors can do — Soobin. Soobin must know.” he says, shaking his head.
“He’s tried… he has tried for a very long time, Won. Nobody has lived past 10 years. I hoped that maybe I would be able to… but it looks like that it’s unlikely. Impossible, even.”
Jungwon doesn’t get it. Out of everyone who could’ve gotten this… terrible, terrible illness — it just had to be you. Now it all made sense as to why you were never in school, your initial refusal to accept his confession. You were scared.
“Why you?” he manages to choke out.
“I asked myself that a lot too. Why me? I don’t know, Won. 10 years seems like such a long time… but when it’s all you have left… it’s suddenly so short. I spent the first 5 years wallowing in self-pity, refusing to go outside and experience life. Then, I met you.” you let yourself smile, even though everything you’re saying is sad. Jungwon looks at you with tears in his eyes, and you step closer to him, taking his hand in yours.
“Everyday with you…was so much fun. I felt like I wasn’t dying, whenever you were around — it was just you and me, and that illness just seemed to disappear. Like it never existed in the first place. You… showed me what it’s like to really live. You taught me what it’s like to love, what it’s like to be loved — you brought meaning into my life.”
“But Jungwon… if I stay with you any longer, I’ll be too scared to die.”
And hearing those words makes Jungwon unable to hold in the sob he’s been suppressing. You can hear the pain in his voice, and this is exactly what you feared. Hurting him.
“I love you, (Name).” Jungwon manages to say, in between sobs. “Isn’t that enough?”
“I wish it was. I really wish it was.”
You wrap your arms around Jungwon, letting him sob into your shoulder. Everything hurts, for the both of you. Your hearts both feel empty.
“Thank you, Jungwon. For loving me, and letting me love you.”
“No,” Jungwon sobs. “This can’t end like this, (Name) — we had so much more to do. We had… we were supposed to have more time.”
“Jungwon, after I go, you’ll have to move on. I know that’s easier said than done but… I won’t be here. Go find someone new, someone who treats you just as well as you’ll treat them. Someone who loves Maeumi, someone who’s a terrific chef, just like you, someone who laughs at all your jokes. Go find the one for you.
“I don’t want to move on. You’re the one for me, (Name). I told you — you’re the only one I want to love. You’re the first person I’ve ever loved, and you’re going to be the last. Nobody can compare to you.” Jungwon doesn’t want to let you go. He can’t let you go.
“Jungwon, they’ll be able to give you everything that I never could. They can give you 30, 40, 50 more cherry blossom seasons — they can give you the life that you’ve always pictured having. They can give you a forever.”
“I don’t want a forever without you in it.”
You break apart from the hug to look at Jungwon with tears brimming in your eyes. “We have our forever. Our 4 years. Our little forever. It’s short, but we can call it a forever, can we not?”
You try your best to smile at him, brushing his hair out of his eyes. You hate that you’re the one making him this upset. You hate that you’ve just completely shattered his heart, and you’re leaving him to pick up the pieces all by himself.
“Our little forever.” He repeats after you, and you smile at him. “It should be longer. It shouldn’t have to be little — forevers aren’t meant to be little, (Name).”
“I know they aren’t.” Jungwon wraps you in his arms, your voice muffled by the soft fabric of his hoodie. He holds you tight, as if you’ll turn to dust if he lets go. “Ours just unfortunately has to be.”
“I am just a… small chapter in the story of your life. But I hope that I was a meaningful one. So please, Won. Go live.”
“I don’t want to,” You gently pat his back to comfort him — but you know it doesn’t work. Nothing can help stop you both from hurting. Jungwon has never sounded this broken. He is the type of person who wouldn’t ever show it if he was falling apart, and here he is, in front of you, legs weak, voice hoarse and his heart empty. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.”
“Please. I have to start preparing to die, Jungwon. Just tell me you’ll go live.” you tell him — you don’t want to start crying again, because then you won’t be able to leave.
You don’t want to leave, but you have to. With this illness draining the life out of you, there’s many things that you have to do even though you don’t want to do them at all.
Jungwon doesn’t say anything. His sobs are not an answer, and you know that.
“Please. It’s my last wish.” you murmur.
Jungwon knows he should fulfil your last wish. Even thinking about saying those words pains him. It drives the knife in his chest even deeper, and this pain consumes him — he can feel it in every inch of his body.
Jungwon lets out a shaky breath. “I… will go live.”
You smile at him, with such love and adoration in your eyes — Jungwon wants to just crumple to the floor. He can’t believe it’s all over. “Thank you.”
You tilt his head up with your finger so he can look at you, and his eyes are teary, and bloodshot. “I’m sorry.” This is hard on you too. But, you feel like it’s worse for Jungwon. He has to live with the fact that his first love left him like this – with no warning at all. You shouldn’t have ended it like this.
Then you press your lips to his, as a goodbye. The second your lips are on his, Jungwon knows that he doesn’t even want to pull apart. He kisses you with such urgency, now knowing that this is the very last time that he’ll ever get to feel your lips on his.
You kiss him back with the same urgency, the same feeling of desperation. The desire of wanting this moment to never end — because once it does, it is goodbye. Forever.
You are the one to pull away.
And now it is over.
You want to kiss him again. And over and over again. But you know that if you don’t walk away, you never will be able to.
“I love you, Jungwon. I’ll always love you.”
Walking away from Jungwon is the hardest thing you’ve ever done.
You return back to your parents house, late at night. You haven’t been back here for ages, after moving in with Jungwon. Your parents are asleep, and you lock yourself in your room.
The park was filled with peaceful silence. You two walked around quietly, hand in hand. He had told you that he loved you in a hushed whisper. Your room is filled with a dreadful silence. You have no one to hold, no one to tell you that they loved you. You are alone, once again.
You just let go of the very best thing that has ever happened to you.
And you already regret it.
NINETEEN.
For the first time in 4 years, Jungwon wakes up without you by his side.
On instinct, he rolls around to kiss you good morning — but the other half of the bed is empty, and the bed is cold without your presence. The velvet box lies on his bedside table, and looking at it makes Jungwon remember the events of last night.
Him proposing. You telling him that you were dying. You saying that you couldn’t be with him anymore. The last kiss.
He buries his face in his pillow, trying to stop himself from crying. The tears threaten to spill past his cheeks, and the loss of your presence is greatly felt. He feels empty, as if there’s a part of him that’s been taken away.
It is probably his heart. With you leaving, you had taken his heart too. Not even just a little piece of it, the entire thing. Maybe he’s being dramatic, but he doesn’t think he has any desire to love again.
He understands why you didn’t tell him — you didn’t want him to be hurt. But Jungwon would rather have been told this in a different way. Being told that you were dying out of the blue, especially after he had poured his heart out to you while proposing, completely broke him.
His eyes are puffy and swollen from all the crying he did last night. Maeumi senses Jungwon’s sadness, and curls up in bed next to him, Jungwon stroking the dog’s fur as he sniffles, tears rolling down his cheeks.
“It’s just you and me now, Maeumi.”
Jungwon already misses you. He wants to run to your apartment, and tell you that he still wants to be by your side during your final months. But after last night, Jungwon thinks that you don’t want him to be there.
You don’t want him to see you in pain.
Your belongings are still in his apartment. Nothing has changed, most of the things that you own are still there. Jungwon gets up from the bed, and he opens the closet door.
The first item of clothing he sees is the green cardigan that you’d worn when you came to his house for the first time. Jungwon remembers seeing you that day, and you’d quite literally taken his breath away.
Jungwon takes the cardigan off the hanger, and holds it close to his chest. He should probably send these things back to you. Maeumi looks at him with sad eyes — Jungwon doesn’t even need to say anything, and his dog’s already noticed the change in his mood.
How is he supposed to just move on with his life, now knowing that yours is about to end?
No wonder why you always talked about the fragility of cherry blossoms, and how they never tended to last long. He now realised that you were talking about yourself.
From now on, all cherry blossoms will do is remind him of you. His first love, and the first one he lost. He wishes that he could freeze moments in time, just so he can get more time with you. 4 years was far too short.
He is no longer able to hear the sound of your laughter, no longer to see the bright smile on your lips, and no longer able to just simply look at you, admiring all of your features.
Jungwon puts the green cardigan on. It’s quite tight – it’s oversized on you, but it's a little small on him. It smells like you. He doesn’t want to stretch it out, so he’s careful when he moves.
The warmth of the cardigan makes Jungwon feel like you’re hugging him. Your arms wrapped right around his chest, and Jungwon allows himself to imagine that you’re here, holding him in your arms.
And he smiles.
Jungwon heads outside to the convenience store just for a little while. Ever since you had accepted his confession that day in the hospital, Jungwon’s never really spent a day without you by his side.
It feels strange, for you to not be there. But as he’s wearing your green cardigan, he feels your presence linger. He opens his mouth to speak, to ask you a question — but then he realises you’re not next to him. It’s just him now.
This is going to take some time to get used to.
He returns to his apartment with a plastic bag with instant ramyeon and a few snacks. He places the bag on the dining room table, and he notices your keys.
You came when he was at the convenience store.
Jungwon rushes into the room that you two used to share — did you take your things? Did you quietly pack everything up and go?
Everything seems untouched, at first glance.
Jungwon opens the closet doors, and you don’t seem to have taken much from your closet, maybe a few hoodies and some jeans. Everything else is still there.
This reminds Jungwon to take your cardigan off, and put it back on the hanger. He puts the hanger back onto the rack, and goes to grab the grey hoodie he wore the first time you had come over to his house.
He opens the drawer, and he sees a note. It’s written in your handwriting. I took one of your hoodies. I hope you don’t mind. Check the bedside table.
Jungwon digs through the drawer, and the hoodie isn’t anywhere to be found. He takes the note, grabbing the first hoodie from the pile, and closing the drawer.
There’s a small box on the bedside table. It looks a little too similar to the one that holds the engagement ring Jungwon had bought. He opens the box with a shaky breath, and inside is a ring.
There’s another note next to the box. For my one and only.
Jungwon wants to cry, but he thinks he cried so much last night to the point where he can’t cry anymore. He slides the ring onto his ring finger, and it fits. He tells himself to never take it off.
He should’ve given you the ring. Just for you to keep it. So you could have one too.
Jungwon crawls into bed again, hiding under the covers. He holds his hands close to his heart, his fingers fiddling with the ring he’s placed on his finger, perhaps in hopes that it’ll mend his broken heart.
It doesn’t work.
Jungwon thinks that he’ll just have to live with this heartbreak.
TWENTY.
If those white hospital walls felt familiar before, they feel like home now.
2 months after you end things with Jungwon, you’re moved into the hospital to prepare for your eventual death. You have to constantly wear an oxygen mask now, and Chaewon’s heart hurts at the sight of you like this.
You’re confined in his hospital room, occasionally taking a couple walks outside – but you spend most of your days in bed, writing.
You know that the book that you originally were planning to finish before you die won’t be finished in time, with your time being cut short to 4 years. So, you change your plans – you write something for Jungwon.
Chaewon visits you today. She sees you in your hospital bed, wearing Jungwon’s hoodie that you had taken from the apartment you two had shared. You wear the hoodie often, so often to the point where you had told her a couple days ago that the hoodie didn’t smell like Jungwon anymore.
“You seem busy,” Chaewon sits down on the chair next to your bed, and you take a small glance at her before returning your focus towards your laptop. “I take it the book’s making progress?”
“Slow progress, but progress nevertheless.” you tell her. “I don’t think that I have much time left, and I don’t think I’ll have much energy to even write soon. I’ve got to… finish this before I go.”
“You do know that Soobin’s still trying to come up with a solution, right?”
“What solution is there, Chae?” you sigh, and stop typing. “I have so little time left – the doctors had 10 years to make something work, and I’m still dying. It’s not going to happen, Chae. I wish there was, because maybe things would be different.”
Different, as in you wouldn’t be spending your days trapped in the hospital, mask over your lips. You would be happy, engaged, and with Jungwon. You could live a normal life, one where you didn’t have to go to the hospital for regular checkups, one where the thought of dying doesn’t linger in the back of your mind.
You look at Chaewon with a smile on your face. “So as much as I want things to be different... I know that my fate can’t be changed.” It is not like you haven’t lived happily – the last few years were filled with moments that you treasured dearly.
Chaewon doesn’t say anything, and you start typing once more.
“But don’t you want to see him?” she pipes up, and you stop. You slowly turn to look at her, letting out a deep breath.
“It’s not that simple.”
“You love him.”
“That’s exactly why it’s not simple.” you reply plainly.
“I can’t see him. Not when I’m like this. Look at me, Chaewon. I look like I’m dying. How would he react if he saw me like this?”
“He loves you. He wouldn’t care.”
“But it would hurt him.” you close the lid of your laptop, lying down in the bed. “I don’t want to hurt him more than I already have. It has been 2 months since I last saw him – he should be moving on with his life. If I see him… it will bring back memories. Staying away is the best… for both him and I.”
Chaewon can see it in your eyes. Staying away from Jungwon is hurting you, too. Not being able to see him, combined with your illness has drained all the life out of you. She doesn’t know how Jungwon is doing – she hasn’t had the courage to message him, after you broke up with him.
Jungwon hasn’t reached out either.
Chaewon understands why he wouldn’t. You broke up with him immediately after he proposed. If she was in Jungwon’s position, she would undoubtedly be very upset. But Chaewon also knows that Jungwon is understanding. You did tell her that you informed Jungwon about your illness, even though it was most definitely not a good time to say it.
“But you miss him, (Name).”
“I know. Sometimes I just want to grab my phone and message him like everything’s normal again. But I can’t, because it would make things more complicated than they have to be. He’ll cling on again, and I will too. I’ve given him too much false hope already, and I can’t hurt him again. I saw the way he looked at me that night after I told him that I was dying. I felt like I took everything away from him. His plans for the future all involved me – he told me that he didn’t want to spend his life with anyone else, Chae.”
“He wanted to marry you.”
“And I wanted to marry him. But… sometimes plans don’t work out. I wish ours did.”
The ring that you had placed on that nightstand was a purchase that you had made hastily. You went to the store, bought the nicest wedding band that you saw among their displays. You just wanted Jungwon to have something that reminded him of you.
You don’t mention in your note that you had bought a matching one for yourself. It sits on your ring finger, and you tell Chaewon that you’re never going to take it off.
“Maybe Soobin will come up with something,” Chaewon says. But who is she trying to fool? She’s seen Soobin go countless nights without sleep, just trying to research and find some way to keep you alive. She thinks she’s holding onto hope that doesn’t exist, and perhaps Soobin is too. “But, also, there’s something we need to do.”
Chaewon takes out a piece of folded paper from her pocket. It’s the bucket list that you two had created when you were younger, and she places it on the nightstand, smoothing out the creases on the paper.
She takes out a pencil, and hands it to you. “I guess we can check that box on the list now, can’t we?” she whispers, and you take the pencil.
Fall in love, the box reads.
You write the word hopelessly in brackets next to it, and Chaewon chuckles.
Then, you tick the box.
TWENTY ONE.
Three months later, Soobin wakes Chaewon up in the middle of the night.
“I found a way,” Soobin says, and Chaewon looks at him in disbelief. “I think… I really found a way. There’s no guarantee it will work… but we can try.”
Chaewon hugs Soobin so tight he thinks he might suffocate. “Thank you, Soobin.”
Soobin informs you and your family the next morning, and your mother lets out a loud sob. “You’re saying… that (Name) could live?” your mother asks.
“If the surgery works, then I believe so. I really hope so.” Soobin says, and he looks at you. He can’t read the expression on your face, but he hopes you react positively. You’re going to live. He knows that’s what you want.
“Does this mean… no more hospital visits? No more additional treatments, no more trials? I can live… normally?” you murmur.
“Well, you’d still need check-ups from time to time. But yes, if this entire thing works, you can live a normal life. You can see Jungwon again. He’s the lawyer, isn’t he?”
Chaewon nods. “Yes, he’s the lawyer.”
“So… what do you say? Are you up for the procedure?”
You have waited for so long. You know there’s no guarantee it’ll work, but it can’t hurt to try. The worst that could happen is that you’ll die, and even with no surgery, you’ll die anyways. At least with this procedure, it gives you a chance.
A chance for 30, 40, 50 more cherry blossom seasons.
You can see Jungwon again. You two can finish what you two started – you can say yes, this time. You two can get nicer wedding bands, and you two can spend every day together, until you’re both old and wrinkly.
“Yes. Let’s do it.”
Soobin smiles brightly at you. “Great. Let’s do it, then.”
It seems as if the universe has given you another chance at life. Like the cherry blossoms that return each spring, it seems like you will return for the next spring too.
“Are you going to tell Jungwon?” your sister asks you, and you pause. Should you tell Jungwon? Wouldn’t it be strange to message him out of the blue, after you had broken his heart five months ago?
“What would I say?”
“Turns out I’m going to live.” Chaewon shrugs, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. “Look, he loves you a lot. 5 months is a long time, but… you’re not too late.”
You could message him. But what if things don’t stay the same? What if he’s happier now, and with someone else? Wouldn’t you just ruin things for him if you suddenly came back into his life again and acted as if nothing was wrong?
“I don’t… I don’t think that I could do that.” you play with the ring that sits on your ring finger, and Chaewon sighs.
“It’s okay. Do what you feel is right, I suppose. But… I know that Jungwon holds a lot of love in his heart for you. I don’t think he would let go of his feelings for you so easily – he’s loved you since 7th grade. Do you know how long that is?” Chaewon asks, and you can’t help but smile.
“That is quite a long time.” you agree, and Chaewon nods.
“You can tell him after the surgery.” she says.
You think that might be a better idea. Because if you don’t survive the journey, you might give Jungwon more false hope. It would crush him even more if you had randomly messaged him, told him you were getting surgery in order to live, and not end up living anyways.
“I have to finish the book.” you suddenly remember. If the surgery is soon, and you don’t make it, you still want your story with Jungwon to be published. Minji had told you that Hajoon was good friends with someone who worked at a big-name publishing company, and could help you get it published.
You immediately open your laptop, and open up the document that you had been working on. With newfound motivation, the words just seem to come naturally onto the page. Chaewon watches as your fingers fly at a superhuman speed across the keyboard, and she smiles.
She really does hope that the surgery works. There are more boxes on that bucket list that have yet to be ticked off. Chaewon wants more time with you. She needs more time with you.
Perhaps she’ll finally be able to see you and Jungwon have your happily ever after. You could finally say yes to his proposal. She could watch you say “I do” at the altar. And you and Jungwon will get the life that you two had planned for yourselves. Your countless cherry blossom seasons, and your little forever does not need to be so little anymore.
She is glad that the universe is finally able to see that your early departure from this world would be a great loss. Finally, there is some way to keep you alive. Soobin has worked for years in order to find a solution, and she couldn’t be happier for you, but also him.
He’s worked tirelessly, and his hard work has paid off. He’s going to be able to save the lives of other people who are unfortunately suffering through the same illness as you are.
“(Name)?” Chaewon says, and you look up at her.
“I hope it works.”
You smile, nodding at your sister.
“I really hope it works too.”
TWENTY TWO.
Your surgery is in 2 days.
Wonyoung and Minji have visited you every day in the days leading up to your surgery, with the two of them bringing you your favourite foodw every time.
You manage to finish the book. It is quite short, but it details everything you want to say to Jungwon.
“Send it over to Hajoon, please? I hope that it’ll be published. If I do… end up passing… I hope that it becomes a success.” you tell Minji, who nods. She seems to be fighting the urge to cry, and you sigh. “Don’t cry, Minji. Maybe it’ll work.”
“It has to.” Minji says. “Things won’t be the same without you. It’s always been us 3. When you told us that you were dying… I was forced to start imagining what it’d be like with just the 2 of us… and even now, I don’t know what it’ll be like. But I know it’ll be very different.”
“Don’t think about that. Let’s think about what life will be like after the surgery works.” Wonyoung squeezes your hand.
“Also… send over a copy to Jungwon.”
“Oh. Of course,” Minji replies. “Have you spoken to him since the breakup?”
You shake your head. “I don’t know how he’s doing. And please… don’t tell him about the surgery. Because if it doesn’t work, then he’ll be more upset than before.”
Wonyoung looks down at her shoes, her hand still holding yours. “He misses you.”
You look at her with a surprised look on your face. “He does?”
The girl nods. “He misses you a lot. He’s… not doing so great. Ricky says that they meet up every now and then, and Jungwon never seems to be… okay. I’ve seen him a couple of times, and now that it’s just the 3 of us… it’s like there’s… someone missing. We meet at his house, sometimes. He often looks at the empty seat on his right. He sets up a plate and cutlery for that empty seat too – he’s saving it for you.”
Your heart hurts. You want to see him again. You want to fill up that empty seat, and then nothing will be missing. Things will be right, just like the way they were before.
Your friends carefully examine your features, and it is clear to both of them that you miss him too. You’re wearing his hoodie, and the box that Jungwon used to give you that white wig sits on your nightstand, near your bed. The camera that you used to record moments with Jungwon is placed close to the box – Minji and Wonyoung know that you want to keep items that remind you of Jungwon near you.
“It’s okay. You’ll see him soon.”
“Yeah. I will,” you try to not think about the highly likely possibility of you not surviving the surgery. “In a couple of months, maybe. I’ve still got to recover from the surgery.”
“We could ask him to come to the hospital to see you after you wake up,” Minji says, and you immediately shake your head. “No. I don’t want Jungwon to see me sick like this. When we were together, there was a reason why I booked my doctor’s appointments whenever he was busy. I’ll see him when I’m fully better, okay?”
Minji and Wonyoung look at each other, Wonyoung biting the inside of her cheek hesitantly. “Yeah. Okay, then.”
“You guys can go if you’re busy,” you tell your friends, and the two shake their heads. “We’re not going to go yet, (Name). We… want to stay with you for a little longer.” Minji says, her voice cracking slightly.
“Yeah. We’re always here for you,” Wonyoung smiles at you. “We’ve been friends since we were little. We’re not going to… let you go this quickly.”
“And if this whole thing doesn’t work, I’ll be watching you two from up there.”
Your words make Minji and Wonyoung go silent. As your surgery date gets closer and closer, reality hits them like a ton of bricks – they’ve known that you would go earlier than either of them, but now knowing the possibility of this moment being the last they ever share with you is terrifying.
Nobody is ready to see you leave. You don’t think you’re quite ready either.
“Don’t say that, (Name).” Minji is the first one to break the silence. “The surgery could work. Soobin’s very good at what he does. You could live, and then when we’re old, we can all retire and live in a small village. Like we planned.”
“Yes. Just like we planned.” you say, staring up at the ceiling.
Wonyoung and Minji stay until the hospital staff tell them that they have to leave. They bid you goodbye with tears in their eyes, the two of them hugging you tightly, not wanting to let go.
As she’s heading to leave, Minji stops in her tracks and turns around. “I’ll see you in 2 days, (Name).”
You rest your head against your pillow, and you sigh. In 2 days, you would either die, or you would learn that you would be able to live.
You hold your hands close to your chest, fiddling with the ring on your finger.
Then, you close your eyes.
TWENTY THREE.
At night, I’m afraid to close my eyes.
I can’t forget. I can’t forget you.
Jungwon’s eyes scan the page, tears falling onto the paper. He wipes the tears rolling down his cheeks away with the sleeve of his hoodie.
Hey, Jungwon.
I lived a happy life. It might’ve been shorter than others, but when I met you, and was loved dearly by you, I thought – I was definitely alive. So, I’ve done enough in this lifetime, right?
When you proposed, I wanted to say yes. If this illness didn’t plague me, believe me – I would’ve told you yes in a heartbeat. I wish I didn’t end things that way. I wish things didn’t have to end.
I want to see you, Jungwon.
I want to see you so bad, Jungwon.
Wonyoung looks at Jungwon helplessly – sobs racking his body. She reaches a hand out to comfort him, patting him on the shoulder gently. But it is no use.
I’ll be watching you from above, Jungwon. I’ll make the cherry blossom seasons more beautiful than the last every time they come. I’ll paint you the prettiest rainbows in the sky.
Go on and live happily, my love.
Hey, Jungwon?
I love you.
He turns the page, and he finds that there’s nothing left. He looks at Wonyoung, bloodshot eyes and tears staining his cheeks. “That’s it? That’s all?”
Wonyoung simply nods. Jungwon doesn’t know that today is the day of your surgery, and she is equally as worried. The poor girl is trying not to break herself, and seeing Jungwon so distraught makes her feel the need to fight back the tears stinging her eyes.
“Is there anything else she said? Anything else I should know? Please, Wonyoung. Tell me.” Jungwon is desperate to just simply know how you are doing. He wants to know anything – it doesn’t even have to be anything important. A simple ‘fine’ would suffice. It has been months, but Jungwon knows that the wound over his heart is nowhere near healed.
It still hurts, and it still stings.
All day, and all night all he does is think about you. He wakes up, without you by his side – and he just feels empty. Sometimes, it affects him at work too – his colleagues notice that he’s “a little out of it”, saying that he doesn’t seem to be as focused as before. Something at home must’ve affected him pretty badly, is the gossip around the office.
Everyone around him has noticed that he is not the same person he was before – maybe even just simply a shell of his previous self.
He rarely smiles now. When he does, they seem forced. He always looks tired, dark eye bags under his eyes. Jungwon knows he should live happily, for you – but it is hard. It is a struggle.
“She is… doing okay.”
“Can I see her?”
“She… doesn’t want you to see her in a state like this. I’m sorry, Jungwon,” Wonyoung looks down at her shoes uncomfortably. “And she fears that if she sees you… she’ll be too scared to go.”
“Is there anything else?”
Jungwon fiddles with the ring you had left on the nightstand. Wonyoung somehow just realises that this ring matches with the one that you have on your finger. The one you never take off.
“Who gave you that?” Wonyoung asks curiously, gesturing towards the ring. Jungwon looks at it with a sad smile. “(Name). The day after we ended things.”
“That’s interesting. (Name) has a matching one.” Wonyoung tells him, and Jungwon’s features soften. “Really?” he whispers.
“Yeah,” Wonyoung nods. “I think… she might’ve gotten them to show her commitment towards you. You are her first and last love, Jungwon. You mean a great deal to her. She still loves you.”
“And I still love her,” Jungwon sighs. “It has been months. (Name) has asked me to move on – and I am trying. Because she told me it was her last wish, but it seems… impossible to fulfil. How am I supposed to get over her?”
Wonyoung has to tell herself that she can’t inform Jungwon about your surgery. As of right now, you’re probably in the operating room right now. She taps her foot on the marble floor anxiously – she really, really hopes that it will be a success. “You can… take your time. I understand it is hard.”
“Not just hard, Wonyoung. Impossible.” Jungwon says. He flips back to the first page of the short book that you had left him, and starts reading it from start to finish.
It details almost every single moment of your relationship, and Jungwon’s heart warms at the fact that you remember every little detail.
Slowly but surely, every little thing started to remind me of you. Grey hoodies, the smell of fresh linen, small white dogs, and black beanies. Cherry flavoured lip balm, silver small hoop earrings, and stickers of Tamama. Black and white flannel shirts, expensive lego sets, and Mom is An Alien ice cream.
But then I realised, everything started to remind me of you, because I found that I was always searching for something that reminded me of you.
Somehow, you slowly made your way into my heart when I thought I had kept it sealed shut. I don’t know how you did it, but I am so grateful you did.
“You’ll be okay, Jungwon.” Wonyoung watches him wipe his tears away once more. She takes out a packet of tissues from her purse, sliding it to him on the table. “I don’t know. Maybe. Thank you for the tissues, Wonyoung.” he says, taking out a tissue.
He wipes his tears away, but they keep falling.
“It’s okay, Jungwon. Just let it all out.” she says, patting his shoulder gently.
Wonyoung nervously glances at her phone, waiting for any sort of news from your family to see whether or not the surgery was a success.
She needs you alive. Jungwon needs you alive.
Everyone you know needs you alive.
TWENTY FOUR.
“We just need her to wake up.”
That is the first thing you hear when you wake up.
You crack one eye open, and you feel the warmth of Chaewon’s hand in yours. You hear the nervous tapping of her shoes on the hospital floor, you hear the beeps of the machines you’re hooked up to, and you hear the chatter from your parents and Soobin in your room.
“Please, (Name). Wake up. Please.” Chaewon murmurs, and you lightly squeeze her hand.
Chaewon immediately notices. “(Name)?” She looks at you in awe, as you stare at her, mustering up a smile. You’re tired, probably because you just woke up from surgery – but you’re alive.
You’re alive. You’re not with the stars yet. You’re here, on Earth.
“She’s alive. She’s alive, Soobin!” Chaewon gasps, and Soobin immediately runs over to you. “(Name). (Name)! Oh my god. It worked. It worked.” he says, and he wraps Chaewon in a huge hug. The two of them are crying, and you smile weakly at them.
“You did it, Soobin. You saved my sister.” Chaewon sobs, and you look towards your parents, who must be in shock. Your father and mother are both sitting there shock-still, mouth agape. “Uncle, Auntie. She’s alive. (Name) made it. She’s going to live.”
Then, your mother lets out the loudest sob. You think that everyone in the hospital is able to hear it.
“Oh my god, (Name).” your mother says, running over to you. She grabs your hand, holding it tightly. You’re too tired to say anything, so you just simply smile at her. You would wave, if she wasn’t grabbing your hands like her life depended on it.
“How are you feeling?” Chaewon asks.
Your mother lets go of your hands so you can give them a thumbs up. “She’s probably very tired, right now. We should let her sleep for a little bit.” Soobin tells your parents. He offers them some coffee at the cafe, to which they accept.
Before he leaves the room, Soobin gives you a soft smile. “See? Your brother in law did it.”
Chaewon can’t help but look at him with adoration as he leaves. She squeezes your hands tightly, maybe even tighter than your mother did. “I told you not to give up hope. You’re alive. You get more time here.”
You do get more time here. More time with your friends, more time with your family.
You get more time with Jungwon.
“Oh my god. We have to tell Jungwon, don’t we?” Chaewon says, and you grab her arm to stop her from getting her phone. You shake your head, telling her not now. Maybe in a bit.
“Why?”
You wave your hand to tell her that you’ll explain later, when you’ve regained enough energy to talk. You close your eyes, letting yourself drift away into a deep slumber.
And for the first time, you’re not scared to close your eyes anymore.
Your fear was forgetting about Jungwon once you passed away, and were in the stars. But now you don’t have to worry about that anymore, because you’re alive.
The universe had decided that it wanted you to stay for longer. That you deserved more time. And even though you’re still hooked up to these machines, you know that soon enough, after you’ve made much more progress with your recovery, the white walls in the hospital will become much less familiar than before.
You can go home. Back to Jungwon.
You finally get your normal life. Where you don’t have to worry about dying until much, much later. Where you can just stay in the moment, cherishing every single second, minute, and hour.
You get to see more of those beautiful pink blossoms that you adore.
Soobin had done the impossible — he had cured what was thought to be an incurable illness. Chaewon is eternally grateful to him for that.
“We can finally check off that bucket list, (Name).” Chaewon says, softly sobbing. “Every box will be ticked.”
Soobin enters the hospital room with a cup of coffee, only to see Chaewon crying, and he quickly places the coffee down on the nightstand. “Chae, don’t cry.” he grabs a tissue from the tissue box, wiping her tears away.
“She’s alive.” Soobin says. “Yes. She’s alive. I didn’t think I’d get more time with her,” she cries, and Soobin holds her tightly. “Thank you for saving her, my love.”
“I’m glad I was able to.”
“Does Jungwon know?” Soobin asks, and Chaewon shakes her head, wiping her tears away with the tissue. “She doesn’t want him to know yet.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I think she thinks that it’s her way of keeping him away from suffering more pain because of her.” Chaewon replies. She really wishes that you’ll just…. tell Jungwon. But then again, she doesn’t know what it’s like to go through something like this. She can’t claim to understand, and she won’t either.
“I guess we’ll just have to wait, right?”
TWENTY FIVE.
Your recovery goes well.
It’s been 4 months since your surgery, and Minji and Wonyoung haven’t told Jungwon that you’re alive yet. The boy still thinks you’re dead, according to Ricky.
For the first time after the surgery, you go out and see the cherry blossoms. This time, you go at night.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Chaewon asks, and you shake your head. “I’m okay, Chae. I can handle myself.”
You’re wearing Jungwon’s grey hoodie, and a pair of black sweatpants. You’re dressed exactly like how he usually is, and you stuff your wallet and keys into the front pocket of the hoodie before you leave the house.
It’s colder tonight, the cold air nipping at your skin. You head towards the park where Jungwon had proposed to you. It’s a little further from your apartment now, because you had moved out of Jungwon’s place.
You don’t know why, but you feel like you might see him here tonight.
You arrive, and the cherry blossoms are illuminated by the lights hung around the trees, just like the night Jungwon had proposed.
You take a deep breath in, taking in the fresh air. You’re alive.
You walk around the park, smiling to yourself. The smell of the cherry blossoms waft through the air, and oh, you’ve missed this. The only thing that’s missing is Jungwon by your side.
“I wonder how you’re doing,” you murmur to yourself. You act like Jungwon’s able to hear you, even though you know he isn’t.
“Are you eating well? Are you sleeping well? How is your family? What about Maeumi?” you have tons of questions for him.
“I survived,” you whisper. “Soobin finally found a way. I got the surgery, and my recovery is going well. I’m not in pain anymore, and I don’t have to take as much medicine. I didn’t give up hope.”
“We can finally have our forever, if you’re willing. I know I am.”
His apartment isn't far from here. Maybe you could walk there, and talk to him. But that’s probably not such a good idea. It’s the middle of the night, and he would most definitely be startled.
The possibility that he’s moved on already also lingers in the back of your mind. You can only hope that what Wonyoung told you about him missing you is true, because then, you truly wouldn’t know what to do.
Or perhaps you should simply stay away. Wouldn’t coming back to him make things more complicated?
Chaewon’s voice rings in your head. But he loves you.
What if he doesn’t anymore?
Terrible thoughts like these run rampant in your mind, and you tell yourself to stop thinking so negatively. You are alive. Your time is not going to expire anytime soon, anymore. You have time to mend things, if he is willing to.
You really hope he is willing to.
You don’t know that Jungwon is also looking at the cherry blossoms too.
Except, he is at a different park.
He is at the one closer to your house, the one where you two had met for the first time. He brings the ring with him — this is the first cherry blossom season he’s spent alone after you had left.
“I miss you,” he says to the trees. He acts as if they are you. “Is it comfortable up there? Are you happy?”
“I got a promotion, by the way. Apparently, the last few years of my hard work really paid off. Oh, Ricky and Wonyoung got engaged, if you didn’t know that. I’m very happy for them.”
“Wonyoung told me that the ring you left had a matching one that you wore. That’s very sweet of you. I… never really take this one off. I’m trying to move on, but… it’s very hard. Please forgive me if I need some time. Much more time.”
“I read your book to me, by the way. Hajoon says his friend published it, and it’s a big hit. I bought a copy of it for myself, too.”
As a fully intact flower floats to the floor, Jungwon picks it up. He smiles at it, and tucks it behind his ear like you did. “I love you, (Name). I’ll go to the park where we met tomorrow. It will be a Saturday. I have time.”
Jungwon walks back home, cherry blossom still tucked behind his ear. If people saw him like this, they might think he’s a little silly — but Jungwon doesn’t care. Nobody knows how much it means to him. Jungwon tells himself to go press the flower in a little book when he gets home, so he can preserve it.
He passes by the park where he proposed to you, and where you had ended things. He sees a figure wandering around the park wearing a big hoodie, just like he is, and he furrows his eyebrows. Perhaps that person likes seeing the cherry blossoms at night too. It is rather pretty, with the LED lights illuminating the pink flowers.
He heads back to his apartment, thinking nothing of it.
He doesn’t realise that the person is you.
And as you return back to your apartment too, you also don’t realise that Jungwon had walked right past you.
TWENTY SIX.
True to his word, Jungwon returns to that park on Saturday.
This time, he’s walking Maeumi. It’s a good day today, the birds are chirping and there’s not a single cloud in the sky.
Jungwon sees a lot of couples walking around in the park. That would’ve been you and him, if you were still here. He looks up at the sky again. Maybe you’re watching him from up there. He hopes that you are.
He can’t help but admit that he does feel the slightest bit of jealousy watching those couples walk around hand in hand.
But he tells himself it’s okay. You wouldn’t want him to dwell on things like this.
Just like the day he met you for the first time after high school ended, there’s a peaceful quietness as he wanders around the park. The cherry blossoms this year are as beautiful as ever, and Jungwon knows that you’d just simply adore them if you were here to witness it.
“She’d love these, wouldn’t she, Maeumi?” he asks his dog.
Jungwon looks for any flowers that might’ve floated to the pavement, fully intact.
He can’t seem to find any, so he decides to wander off to another part of the park. It is pretty big, which is why a lot of couples come here for picnics during the cherry blossom season. He did that with you when you two were dating.
But then Maeumi barks, and runs off. “Woah, Maeumi — what’s going on?” Jungwon follows his dog, sighing. “Maeumi, seriously, don’t run off—!”
He stops in his tracks when he sees Maeumi run up to you. Just like the first time he saw you again after high school.
But there’s no way that’s you — because you’re dead. But then you look at him, and your eyes tell him everything. You look at him with love shining bright in your eyes, and oh, Jungwon’s missed seeing that look in your eyes. He’s missed seeing you.
Jungwon must be dreaming. Or, either you’re a ghost — but Jungwon doesn’t really believe in ghosts, so perhaps he’s just dreaming. He pinches himself to the point it hurts, so he knows that this isn’t just a dream.
“Jungwon,” you breathe out.
Your voice is like the most wonderful piece of music to his ears. Tears sting his eyes — Jungwon has been crying a lot recently, but these ones aren’t sad tears. They’re happy tears.
“(Name)? But.. you…” Jungwon can’t believe his eyes. You’re actually here. You didn’t die. But why did Wonyoung keep this a secret from him? And why didn’t you call?
“I’m alive. I know… it’s shocking.”
“Why didn’t you call? Why didn’t you say anything — how?” he asks, in disbelief.
“I’m sorry.” you say, stepping closer to him. “I… didn’t want you to see me sick. But… I’m alive now. And… I got surgery. Soobin cured my illness.”
Jungwon just wraps you in a huge hug, and he starts sobbing uncontrollably. “I missed you. I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too,” you bury your face in the crook of his neck. “I wanted to see you. I wanted to see you so badly it hurt, Jungwon. I never wanted to leave you — I… wanted that forever.”
You look at Jungwon with tears in your eyes. “You’re not over me, are you?”
Jungwon shakes his head with a small smile. “You know that I’d never get over you. Like I said… you’re the only one for me, (Name). Every day I’ve spent without you, I’ve still been thinking about you, dreaming about you. I’ve loved you since the 7th grade — I can’t let someone like you go so easily.”
Jungwon feels that wound over his heart start to mend. You are here — you are alive, and that is all that matters to him. You have always been the one for him, and now knowing that he can indeed spend his forever with you fills him with so much joy he feels like he could just explode.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were getting surgery?” he asks, taking a hold of your hands.
“I couldn’t let you see me in that state. And there was no guarantee that it would work, and I didn’t want to give you any false hope that I would survive. Throughout our relationship I had already given you too much false hope. I’m really, really sorry about that. I just… can’t stand seeing you upset. And I know ending things like that must’ve been… so, excruciatingly painful. I’m so sorry, Jungwon.”
“It’s okay. You’re here now.” he says. “We have time to… mend things, right?”
“All the time in the world,” you affirm, a soft smile on your lips. “Of course, I will have the occasional check-up, and I’ll still be on some medication, but… no more hospital beds and machinery hooked up to my body so often.”
“We can take things slow, Won. There’s no pressure. No clocks ticking. Just me and you. Oh, and I can’t forget about Maeumi.” you ruffle the dog’s fur, and even Maeumi seems overjoyed at your return.
Jungwon can’t help but smile at you like an idiot. “What?” you ask, mirroring the look on his face.
“Nothing. I just can’t believe you’re actually here.” he says, and as he holds your hands, he feels the ring on your finger. He looks at it, and his smile gets even wider.
He brings your hand up to his lips, and kisses the ring. “You know, I never took mine off.” he says, showing you his hand.
“I never took mine off either,” you say. “I never wanted to.”
Suddenly, everything is alright. Jungwon finds himself smiling again, and he finds that his gloomy mood has just disappeared, all because you’ve returned. Those 30, 40, 50 cherry blossom seasons will undoubtedly be shared with you. Your little forever suddenly does not become so little after all — the universe has given you much, much more time. Now, it is simply a forever.
“Can I kiss you?” Jungwon asks, and you nod. “Of course you can, Won.”
And when he leans in, everything just feels right again. The cherry blossoms float in the air behind you, falling to the pavement. The chatter around you two is drowned out — it’s just you and him again, and nobody else. As if you two are in your little bubble. He still uses that cherry flavoured chapstick, you realise.
He kisses you with such longing, and you do too. You have missed this, the feeling of his lips on yours. When you pull away, there’s a big, goofy grin on Jungwon’s face. “One more.”
You know this trick. But you let him trick you anyway.
Jungwon kisses you over and over again under the cherry blossom trees, your hearts both so full to the point you think it might burst at the seams.
You think your second romance with Jungwon will make you fall harder than the first time. The universe gives you two another chance, and you are nothing but grateful.
You have time now.
And as you return to Jungwon’s apartment, the place you call home, you smile brightly at him.
Aside from transience and ephemerality, cherry blossoms also signify a rebirth. In this case, a rebirth of your romance with Jungwon. A new start, perhaps.
You both can finally live the life that you both pictured having.
So, when he pops the question again, this time, you know you won’t hesitate to say yes.
#enhanet#kflixnet#k labels#hyfenet#enhypen oneshots#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#enhypen angst#enhypen fluff#enhypen x reader#enhypen au#jungwon oneshots#jungwon imagines#jungwon scenarios#jungwon angst#jungwon fluff#jungwon x reader#jungwon au#haru yo koi — yjw! 🌸
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
BLOSSOM — YANG JUNGWON
pairing: enemy to crush-prince!jungwon x fem!reader
synopsis: wanting to confess to your enemy was never easy, especially when you both were too embarrassed to do so.
note: this was written like last month but i just never thought it was good 😭 // blossom by wei >>>
wordcount: 699 words // warnings: fluff, angst, and they’re both cowards and mean to each other.
LIVING IN THE SAME PALACE AS YANG JUNGWON, THE PRINCE OF THE FAMILY YOUR MOTHER ASSISTED, WAS NEVER EASY.
He never failed to irk your soul even if he was only breathing. Everything about him was aggravating, mainly his personality. The two of you didn’t get along at the start of your stay in the palace in the first place—he hated the thought of living with so-called peasants.
He was a stuck-up brat who only cared about wealth and what his friends would think. They all went to a prestigious school with high standards. You did too, but you didn’t fit in—not one bit.
Every time you walked down the halls, you were given dirty looks or something even worse. Still, that didn’t bother you. You were never phased by the opinions of others. Only your thoughts about yourself mattered.
That also could be the reason why Jungwon began to like you—4 years later. Yes, he was annoyed by the thought of having to spend every day with you under the same roof as him but maturing was all he needed.
Constantly teasing you and making you feel as though he didn’t care for you was only stage one of the five stages of grief—denial.
He sat on the grassy floor in their garden while picking at the newly bloomed flowers. Growing up, he loved the garden. He loved watching everything grow from a seed into something beautiful.
So, of course, he thought that could distract him and his constant thoughts of you but it didn’t. Here he was picking flowers for a bouquet to give to someone who wouldn’t leave his mind.
Stage two—anger. He was angry. He wanted to forget about you and his feelings, he really did, but he couldn’t. Seeing you every day only made things even harder. His face flushed even at the sound of your name. You had him head over heels for you and you didn’t even know.
He was too distracted to even notice the sudden figure that joined him in his flower picking. So, maybe the distraction did work?
“Hey,” you greeted, tired of waiting for Jungwon to notice you first. “What do you want?” He asked in his usual harsh tone. You rolled your eyes, shrugging it off. “Are these the ones you planted a few weeks ago?” You asked, delicately caressing the flower petals.
“Why do you ask?” He questioned while dusting off the soil from the flower stems in his hands. “Just curious.” You carefully removed your hands from the petals, too afraid to damage anything, and brought your knees to your chest.
“What’s the occasion?” You asked once again as you stared at the progress of the bouquet in his hold. “Please, is that a gift for someone?” You teased, earning a glare from Jungwon.
“Don’t get too giddy, it’s not for you.” Lies. It was definitely for you. There was nobody else who made his head spin or made him experience feelings of butterflies in his stomach like the way you did.
“You must be crazy. I wasn’t looking forward to any gift from you. With that snotty little attitude, I’m sure nobody from school was looking forward to it either.” You spat. Another lie.
After at least a year or two with the Yangs, you began to feel different around Jungwon. It was an odd feeling, not one that many would experience so easily but somehow, you did. It wasn’t the best feeling.
Not being able to think straight or avoid fumbling over your words when you’re around a certain someone you previously claimed to hate wasn’t the best feeling either.
It was quite embarrassing, to say the least. Yet, it still happened to you. Not being able to maintain your composure when arguing with Jungwon sucked. He always felt a little bit of pride and a ton of guilt after your banters were over but couldn’t bring himself to apologize.
Why? The reason was mutual; you were both too embarrassed. You didn’t want to admit you were wrong about anything, you always had to be right. The same went for Jungwon.
No wonder you two couldn’t bring yourselves to confess to each other.
PERM TAGLIST: @soov @redm4ri @ox1-lovesick @urszn @hanniluvi @dakkisz @dimplewonie @ddeonudepressions @xiaoderrrr @ja4hyvn @mmaplepastries @essmarye @w3bqrl @jennaissantes @yenqa @yeokii @yyunari @wvnkoi @strwberrydinosaur @gibbysupremeacyisreal @rikizm @teddywonss @simp4jongseong @whoschr @forjungwons @yizhoutv @yuviqik @itsactuallylina @hermitanatta
#k-labels#k-films#kpop x reader#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios#kpop fluff#enhypen x reader#enhypen#jungwon enhypen#enhypen jungwon#yang jungwon x reader#jungwon angst#jungwon x reader#jungwon#yang jungwon#jungwon imagines#jungwon fluff#kpop angst#enhypen angst#enhypen fluff#yang jungwon angst#jungwon enha#enha jungwon#enha x reader#enha fluff#enha angst#enha#enha imagines#enha scenarios#kpop
581 notes
·
View notes
Text
❤︎— lover. (y. jungwon)
tumblr’s algorithm works best with reblog’s not just likes so pls reblog my work, thank you! <3
pairing: bf!jungwon x f!reader genre: romance, established relationship warning(s): lots of kissing, cuteness overload as always
synopsis: in which your boyfriend sings to you while you dance in the refrigerator light ;) wc: 523
author's note: hii everyone,, i got inspired by taylor swift’s lyric in the song all too well, “dancing in the kitchen in the refrigerator light.” n’ thought i’d write this. i do have my taglist open so if you want to be in it just send me a message in my inbox. as always, all feedback is welcome, just don’t be negative pls n’ remember to have a good time, happy reading everyone! 📖
The rain hit against the glass of the window, and the kitchen filled with the noises of the weather outside. Small puffs of air escaped your lips as you buried your head further into your lover, Jungwon’s chest. Your nose was met by the aroma of honey with a tinge of cinnamon, and as you lingered in his arms, the warmth of his skin allowed the scent you loved so dearly to pervade the air. His delicate but loving hold on your waist held your clingy form against his as you both swayed to his tunes.
Slight vibrations could be felt against your cheek coming from his chest. His humming and vocals filled your ears as you closed your eyes, the subtle melodies of Taylor Swift’s lover abruptly entering the sweet atmosphere. The dim light of the open refrigerator to the right of the kitchen allowed you to turn your face away from the warmth of the other and catch a glimpse of a few of his features that had been concealed by the night's deep shadows.
His eyes were closed, and a few strands of his hair hung messily around his forehead as his plump, pearly-pink lips parted as he sang. His eyelashes were as long as ever, and the light delightfully bounced off of them. His slender nose had the slightest bump at the top of the nasal bridge, and the shadows that roamed around the room shaded the structure of his jawline perfectly. It was times like this where you fell in love with him all over again.
"Are you okay?” The melodies that were once heard are long gone and have since been replaced by the dulcet tones of Jungwon's voice. As he drew your frame closer to his, he spoke with words that were dripping with care and concern.
Nodding, you let out a small sigh. As the warmth of his breath hit against your skin, your heart began to beat faster by the second, and the feeling soon replaced itself with the sweet sensation of a peck against your cheek.
Letting out a small giggle, you looked up at Jungwon, his eyes meeting yours almost immediately. His hands were moving from your waist now to your cheeks as he held your face in his hands, admiring your features. He stared at you with his eyes gleaming with such love and astonishment before bending down and pressing his lips against yours.
The kiss was sweet and tender, and the pace was slow and genuine, as it always was. The slight flavor of his cherry lip balm, which he had applied just an hour earlier, was long gone. His lips, which were now formerly covered in vanilla ice cream, entwined with yours.
Pulling away from the kiss, Jungwon stayed admiring the moment you two just shared; his eyes remained closed as a small smile placed itself amongst his lips. As he slowly opened his eyes to reveal you, the pad of his thumb made gentle, loving strokes against your cheek.
“What was that for?” You asked, smiling at your boyfriend, whom you loved so dearly.
“Because I love you.”
enaus all rights reserved, do not repost, copy, or plagiarize my work.
#enhypen#enhypen fluff#jungwon fluff#jungwon#jungwon x reader#enhypen imagines#enhypen angst#enhypen x reader#enhypen scenarios#heeseung fluff#sunghoon fluff#jake fluff#jay fluff#niki fluff#sunoo fluff#sunghoon x reader#heeseung x reader#jake x reader#jay x reader#sunoo x reader#niki x reader#enhypen fic#enhypen drabbles#enhypen soft hours#jungwon imagines#jungwon angst#enhypen reactions
289 notes
·
View notes
Text
➳ love wins all | yjw.
idol!jungwon x fem!reader
“is it a bad ending?”
synopsis: jungwon, once again, forgot an important date for your guys’ relationship, and you’re tired of it.
warnings/content: written in third pov. angst to fluff. argument! toxic if you squint really hard. mentions of breakup. poor boy’s stressed out :( cursing (i think) and not proofread.
comments, likes, and reposts are appreciated :)
word count: 1.8k
༘˚⋆𐙚｡masterlist⋆.✧˚
current song playing: love wins all by iu
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺
1:05 ─────|────────────── -3:22
the time was ticking.
y/n constantly looked at the clock, noticing the minutes go by faster than she thought. she sighed, “he didn’t really forget did he..?” the soft mumble leaving her lips as she didn’t want to believe it.
[ 1:24 am ] — the phone beamed.
she was beginning to give up on him. “just a few more minutes…,” the girl murmured, pushing back the tears that threatened to fall.
[ 1:40 am ] — time turned.
her heart sank at how long it’s been. she then decided to clean up the big surprise she had for her boyfriend, putting things away messily while letting tears dropping atlas as she felt useless.
suddenly, the door was being struggled to get unlocked. y/n waited, knowing that it was finally him but had no hopes anymore.
the doorknob was soon unlocked and in came her dimpled boyfriend, still in his practice outfit and seemingly fighting the urge to sleep.
no words were said. she only looked at him with disappointment. jungwon made eye contact with her once he took off his shoes and gave out a long sigh.
“oh hey baby,” he whispered, breaking the long silence that felt like torture
y/n didn’t answer right away. she waited for her throat to clear from the tears she let out.
“won, do you know what today was…?”
the tired male sighed in defeat, giving a clear hint to her that he had forgotten. “um…,” his one word changed y/n’s mood.
“i know you’re tired from practice, but i waited… for 4 hours.., you gave no message whatsoever, and i even told you how important this dinner was for us. did you even know it was our anniversary?”
y/n finally broke loose, letting out what she had been holding in for the past few hours in his absence. she looked at him, seeing if there was any mercy in his eyes but he only looked tired.
finally, he hoarsely spoke, “i know… i’m sorry i forgot.”
the girl scoffed at his words, tears falling constantly down from her eyes that had become red.
“that’s all you have to say??”
jungwon sighed again, his arm falling over his eyes as he said, “what do you want me to say?” in a tiring voice.
y/n stayed quiet in disbelief that her boyfriend of two years was really acting like this. “wonie, you don’t even remember our anniversary and now you’re not even being sincere with me?”
“look babe, we got heavily yelled at today and-“
“and that’s supposed to affect how we are at home?”
“why are you making it a bigger deal than it should be?” he quickly shot back.
jungwon sat up, finally making eye contact with his girl after a while. his eyes stayed firm and serious, no longer looking like the adorable boba eyes she once knew throughout the years.
“won, for the last few months, i’ve been feeling like i’m the only one in a relationship and it’s been getting tiring. i understand you have a busy schedule but-“
“if you understand then why are you even bringing this up?” the boy exasperated with a groan.
she huffed. he wasn’t understanding her point, and it was getting to her.
“because i feel like you don’t even understand me,” y/n’s voice trembled. quite suddenly, won stopped and finally took focus into her after he heard it.
“for so long, i feel like i’ve been putting effort only.” she added on, heart crumbling apart piece by piece.
jungwon sighed as his fluttering eyes stayed glued to the ground while mumbling, “you know how important it is to me to be in enhypen. you know that it’s what i’ve wanted for so long.”
the girl sniffled and wiped her tears away. “i know.. i do, but lately, you’ve been so distant. every mistake you’ve done in this relationship, i’ve excused but now.., you forgetting our anniversary is something i can’t look past on.”
he rolled his eyes, getting tired of going back and forth on this argument.
y/n took notice. of course she did. that little gesture was something unusual from her boyfriend. “you’re not even listening to what i’m saying won-“
“because! what you’re saying is nonsense. i’ve been going through so much as the leader for our comeback — keeping everything in order, making sure all the members are prepared..,” he sighed in exhaustion before continuing.
“i’m tired, and the last thing i want is to come home to an argument waiting to happen, which has been going on for a while, for absolutely no reason at all.”
the long awaited argument was now out.
jungwon had finally exploded, raising his voice in frustration whilst cutting her off in the process.
she was taken back by it of course, not knowing what to say as she stayed silent to what he said. he still wasn’t listening to her.
the male put his hands over his face and rubbed his eyes, almost feeling guilty of his explosion.
y/n took notice, sighing with a heartache inside as she huffed, “if it’s always going to be like this then.. maybe it’s best if we’re not together anymore.”
the sudden suggestion jolted jungwon from his half-asleep state. he stood and walked to her.
“you can’t be serious, y/n??”
his voice rose again, causing the girl to close her eyes from it. he sighed, half in regret and half in frustration.
“you really think your solution to this is breaking up?” he questioned.
the two were letting tears fall now, breakdowns happening left and right.
his hand touched her gentle cheek, subtly wiping away her tears as he slightly pushed her cheeks up so she can look at him. a small smile attempted to display on his lips for reassurance but y/n only turned away from the skinship.
she knew that most of their fights always ended like this, and she couldn’t have it like that anymore.
it was quiet.
nobody wanted to say anything that could ruin the mood even more. it remained like that before the girl suddenly heard the ruffles of his clothing and keys, knowing he was about to head out of the door.
she dreaded to ask the question but she had to. “did you ever really love me?”
the question stopped jungwon from walking any further. they both swiftly turned to each other, locking their watery eyes with betrayal and hurt emerged on their faces.
“that’s too much!” his voice broke in the sudden yell, causing the two to tremble down into more crying tears.
y/n felt everything crashing down, pain entering through her body all at once.
“i used to never question that until now, won.” she uttered in a shaky tone.
finally, he approached her after what she said. his eyes were filled with just as much pain as hers as they sparkled.
the boy wanted to apologize but he didn’t know how with how far they had gotten into it. none of their arguments had ever been this bad.
“you know i love you y/n…, you’re my girl. i can’t even imagine a life without you. you’re the only thing that matters in my life right now. i enjoy being an idol but you? you come first. you always will.”
a few voice cracks happened in his message that showed his raw emotion.
he locked eye contact with her, showing her his tears that he couldn’t control through it all.
✩ ‘i carefully hold you in my eyes’ ✩
y/n didn’t respond. she still felt hurt that he forgot the big and small events he used to know.
the girl only hugged him, squeezing him in her embrace that made the two only cry harder in each others arms.
she still said nothing.
the two stayed like that for a few minutes as she let jungwon cry it out.
only soft sobs and quiet sniffles were heard throughout the apartment. he was going through so much as the leader and this hug was what he needed.
✩ ‘hold me tight until i can’t breathe’ ✩
y/n needed more though. she wanted to hear his usual whispers of sweet nothings, his unique voice that always tingled in her ear, his warm hugs that felt like home.
✩ ‘i want to be sad with you my lover’ ✩
so she let him continue to sob until he felt better, and it was then that she left his embrace.
his favorite girl placed her hand on his tear-stained cheek in the process, only giving a half smile and leaving to their bedroom.
there were still no words said after that.
jungwon stayed out in the living room, sitting on the sofa as he continuously rubbed his eyes in frustration.
he was tired, and he just wanted the night to end.
after sitting with his thoughts for a few minutes longer, he finally decided to look at the clock.
[ 3:16 am ] — it read.
won sighed, believing that it was finally time to head into the bedroom as well.
as he stepped further to their room, he saw y/n on the very edge of her side of the bed. his heart ached, knowing he messed up big time.
“are you awake?” his soft voice spoke, standing where the door frame was in hesitation.
his adorable lips pressed into a thin line, showing his dimples as he contemplated on whether or not he should be in the same bed as her after the argument.
‘please… stay with me..,’ his favorite person thought, wide awake as she pretended to sleep.
truth be told, she didn’t know what his choice would be. it felt like she didn’t know who jungwon was anymore.
y/n stayed on her side of the bed, heart trembling in fear of how things would turn when suddenly feeling a huge dip on her opposite side.
he stayed.
a relief sighed out of her, though remaining sound asleep in his eyes.
he laid down on his side, abruptly pulling his girlfriend closer to him.
she felt the pull and complied. his body ghosted over hers as she turned around to come face to face with him.
the girl’s eyes slowly opened to meet his, and all he could do was display his subtle surprise that she was awake.
but they quickly softened at her reddened eyes that cried for comfort.
tears welled up in the two again.
their pillows became wet with them as jungwon softly mumbled — “i love you, baby.”
y/n sniffled her snot back in before replying, “i love you too.”
he sniffled as well, moving to kiss her forehead and pull her closer to him.
the tall male wrapped himself around his girlfriend, holding her near to let her know that he wouldn’t let her go that easily.
jungwon and y/n let the last of their tears leave their tired eyes for the night as her hand rested on his broad chest, and his arms confirmed the reassurance she needed.
they were okay again.
✩ ‘our love wins all, love wins all’ ✩
★・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・★
#pshcomforts#enhypen#park sunghoon#enha imagines#enha x reader#enha#enhypen heeseung#enhypen imagines#enhypen jake#enhypen jay#enhypen x reader#enhypen sunghoon#enhypen sunoo#enhypen scenarios#enhypen niki#enhypen jungwon#enha angst#enha scenarios#enha fluff#enhypen ff#enhypen fanfiction#enha ff#jungwon#yang jungwon#jungwon angst#jungwon fluff#jungwon fanfic#jungwon x reader#yang jungwon fluff#enhypen soft hours
340 notes
·
View notes
Text
Match Found ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ - y. jungwon x reader
Synopsis: Jungwon is sick of his friends' constant teasing over his lack of gaming skills. Determined to secretly improve and prove enha wrong Jungwon sets out to learn to play, except he has no clue where to begin. Luckily for him, y/n is a girl with too much time on her hands, a desperate need for distraction and is more than happy to indulge him. Only, things are never that simple and Jungwon soon finds it difficult to explain exactly what the pair have become.
Genre : non-idol college AU, more than friends less than lovers, strangers to lovers, fluff, angst, mutual pining,
Pairing: college student! Jungwon x gamer! Y/N
Warnings: swearing, lightly suggestive content, additional warnings will be added based on chapter
Featuring: NCT- Chenle, Haechan and Jaemin & Le Sserafim- Yunjin
Status: Complete :: start date: 3/25/2023
Tag list: open! send me an ask to be added! <3
A/N: Social Media AU with Written Chapters my first ever written work agshsb pls be patient w me as I figure tumblr out. slight gaming language will be included, meanings will be provided in the notes when not in the work itself! I hope u like it! Lmk what u think
profiles ^_−☆ : discrd kittens enha dt
K/D/A
0/0/1 - touch grass
0/0/2 - welcome home cheater
0/0/3 - two players one chair
0/0/4 - foolin around (bonus)
0/0/5 - #jungwonOUT!
0/0/6 - just one bite
0/0/7 - wishful thinking
0/0/8 - night night
0/0/9 - #jungwon1stWin
0/1/0 - pretty boy
0/1/ 1 - ta da!
0/1/2 - player three
0/1/3 - just jungwon
0/1/4 - for you
0/1/5 - on impulse
0/1/6 - La Raison
0/1/7 - let me in (20 cube)
0/1/8 - match found ʚ♡ɞ
Overtime
0/1/9 - won n only (bonus)
titles n chapters may change :)
#match found ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚#jungwon x reader#enhanet#yang jungwon#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#jungwon smau#yang jungwon x you#aiya's masterlists✧˖°#non idol! yang jungwon#jungwon imagines#enhypen smau#enha x reader#idk how to tag help#enhypen x reader#enha smau#jungwon x you#jungwon angst#jungwon au
2K notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
