#im exhausted with it. and still stressed about last weeks bullshit
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I miss the cat ALREADY
#the duality of fran#like yeah im glad to not be living out of my suitcase anymore#with my pc and full wardrobe#but . back with my family :( far away from everything:( not walking or subway distance#commute now doubled again. cat gone. privacy gone.#im kinda about to cry and idk#alao sunday scaries fuck that#i REALLY dont want to go to work#im exhausted with it. and still stressed about last weeks bullshit
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Posting this more to keep record since I'm starting to lose track of all the bullshit that's happened in the last few months. Starting with:
- My most recent ex (M) breaking up with me out of nowhere. More on that later.
- Getting threatened on the floor by my assistant manager
- Two weeks later of said assistant manager being a complete ass and bully I get fired because HR didn't want to actually deal with the problem after I reported him. Also because my manager was old friends with him and the only coworker who was a witness hated me.
- My grandmother died
- Unemployed and somehow catch COVID even though for the first time since the pandemic started im not interacting with hundreda of people regularly? Completely kicked my ass for about a week
- I completely cut off contact with my entire friend group including my best friend after a couple months of increased problematic behavior and now I'm alone with no one
- I start losing my vision in my left eye and when I get it checked at my usual doctor (because I had a history of this particular thing happening) I get told it's nothing serious
- another month or so later I'm down a third of my vision and get a second opinion. They immediately catch the problem (same as I had before) and I'm rushed to the hospital for emergency eye surgery. That's a loose term because I was stuck there for 3 days where no one told me anything and I couldn't eat and was essentially in a hallway.
- My most recent ex (M) tells me the reason we broke up was due to her accidentally getting pregnant and miscarrying within a few days and it messing everything up and caused her to lose it on me (understandably). We weren't ready for kids and it wouldn't have happened but still a fucked up thing to learn and confusing to think about.
- My most important ex (P), back from 2015 or so accidentally came back into my life briefly. We talked, it went poorly, as nice as it was to know they were alive they didn't mean to reveal they were checking up on me and everything went to shit. It ended with a fight and them blocking me. This is the same ex who cheated on me, had a kid with the guy less than a year later, then some time later used me for a few months before disappearing again, leading me to thinking they might be dead and them secretly checking up on me for who knows how long because they "care". I don't fucking know. I'm exhausted.
--- update 1 ---
- matched with a super attractive girl on a dating app. She was super into me. Everything seemed great.
- Then I get blocked out of nowhere. Accused of shit I never did. Freak out and explain and eventually fix things that I had no control over in the first place.
- Planned to meet. Talked the entire way to where we were meeting up. Maybe 5 minutes away she starts acting funny. Changes the meeting place further away. Posts weird statuses on Facebook. Stops replying. Blocks me again. Get threatened by her brother. I freak out again with no idea what's going on or if she's even okay.
- I write a long letter explaining how I'm not sure what happened but I'm extremely hurt and confused and would like to try again if she would just talk to me about what's going on.
- she eventually replies, apologizes. Blames her brother for sabotaging the meet. I explain I'm on my last chance with her. My emotional and mental health has been devastated and I can't take the stress anymore. We start talking again and make plans to meet the next day. I reply to one last message quickly while half awake as I pass out. But everything is fine.
- wake up the next day and I'm blocked. Again. She claims I'm a piece of shit. Selfish. Has a line of guys who want to be with her. Etc. After a mini panic attack I calm down and realize she has serious issues. She needs help and I need to walk away from this situation and wash my hands of it. Finally after a week of insanity and my mind being played with and fucked around I'm able to get back to good
--- update 2 ---
- been looking for a place to buy or rent for over a year and no luck. Every time I apply they say they're swamped and have like 80 applicants and it's just impossible to find a place unless I spend my entire income monthly. So I'm stuck where I am
- for a few months now it's been increasingly clear the business I work for is going down the drain. The owner is a joke, the people before the current staff signed shit contracts and combine that with the downturn in the industry everything's been going downhill and looking more and more like we're gonna go out of business. Ever since I started back in August every month at minimum 1 person has left and not been replaced and now we're bare bones and I just have no fucks left to give about this place which sucks because I fucking loved this job until a couple weeks ago.
- my boss, the one who I was the assistant to and literally was the only reason I got hired in the first place gave her notice a few days ago. It sucks. The job was already bullshit but I'm not willing to pick up her work on top of my own since they're not replacing her and just expecting things to be fine.
- the family cat, Grey, hurt his paw a couple weeks ago. Thankfully nothing major aside from some pain meds but still a bit of a worry. Then earlier this week he was acting funny and not looking good and he was rushed to the vet. Turns out he had a urinary blockage and even though it's fairly common they went over everything including worse case scenarios including euthanasia and I was devastated. I was barely able to hold myself together at work and not breakdown. Even though he's home now and doing much better I'm still depressed from it. When I visited him at the hospital there was a woman in the room next to us. In the middle of me and my dad talking I had to stop him because I heard her crying. She said she was sorry and sobbed and it was clear her pet was just put down and it killed me. I can't stop hearing that over and over.
- Probably to be continued cuz my life is a joke
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so.
we assigned fucking days to do our laundry. i wanted Saturday. friend said theyd do it friday mom took sunday. aunt eva bitched because when she starts working shell need a weekend too so moved me to Friday. a day where at the time we both worked. regularly stay up till 3 am to do laundry. because when i dont and say leave it in the dryer my aunt is kind enough to restart the dryer.... and point out that im intruding on her day - a day where shes going out grocery shoping with mom anways.
aunt eva a year later is like well why not do it Thursday? then youre not both doing it on the same day make it easier. come home the next Thursday. drag clothes upstairs. aunt eva is using the wash. go back down stairs. fuck it.
fast foward to today. friend does not work friday. still doesn't usually start their laundry until i get home/ forgets to continue laundry after starting/ aunt eva does some laundry before friend starts theirs and leaves it in the machine. which is fair because sometimes i still do the same to her because staying up till three is bullshit.
to be fair we fixed the machine and now it dries in two to three cycles depending on th load instead of three to five. so maybe it wouldnt take that long idk.
i had a stressful very low sleep week. i said fuck my laundry im going to bed. told friend to please finish their laundry dont worry about mine. ill do it Monday. its Christmas and technically no ones day (though on three day weekends my parents sometimes push back doing their laundry until the last day but i was fucking tired so) friend is like your aunt will have an annyruism im doing your laundy too. my friend does not do good at getting up every forty minutes to check laundry but its too late im exhausted and theyve started it.
wake up. my laundry is still in the dryer. my aunt will probably make some comment. probably about it not being right or fair
how do i say back like its right or fair that she can do laundry whenever she wants including on our days? without being a bitch.
how is it right that ive got to stay up until three am after being up at five, working all day, getting shitty sleep, because even when she comes up with an alternate plan, she cant help but assert her laundry dominance or something? how is it right that my parents can move their laundry day back a day when they feel like it but god forbid i go out to run other errands on laundry day even though she does on hers because i might not get my laundry done on a day i *share* with another person. How is it fair she is doing her laundry all week and on the weekened when she *doesnt* have a job *hasnt* had a job or needed a job for the past two years so doesnt go through half as many clothes as we do but somehow we're expected to get our sheets as well as our normal laundry done regularly and not just when we happen to be off on friday.
like. im so fucking tired. i got eight hours of sleep easy. wouldve gotten more but i was worried about the fucking laundry not getting finished without me doing it.
and then thing is that as soon as i said fuck it if it doesnt ill just have to deal with that and laid down because i was so tired it was making me sick... i atarted worrying my mom and especially my aunt would hate their gift again.
im just. so fucking over it all.
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7 - 19 - 23
why is being mentally ill so fucking expensive???
i've been really stressed about money recently. and i hate it because im only 19 right, i shouldn't be worrying about how to pay back thousands of dollars in medical debt, i haven't even made my first rent payment in my life yet.
my insurance decided to deny coverage for my hospital stay earlier this month after i attempted. i have to pay thousands for an ambulance, for the days they kept me over my allotted insured days, for the stay at the hospital where they evaluated me, and i can't get any help because im still on my parents insurance, and they dont want to help me pay for my treatment anymore.
(TW for suicidal ideation and bad hospital experiences)
after my insured days were up, i begged the fucking doctors at the psychiatric hospital not to keep me longer, not only because they were COMPLETELY unequipped to handle treating my BPD beyond sedating me everytime i had an episode, but also because it was $600 a day that i had to pay out of pocket (+ extra fees for meds etc). and you know what the doctor said? "you're still reporting passive suicidal ideation, i dont feel comfortable sending you home."
yeah, of course i have passive ideation, i'm fucking borderline, that's literally one of my symptoms, one of the diagnostic criteria in the DSM. you think you can put my BPD into remission in two weeks?
i have good treatment at home, i go to group weekly, have one on one dbt, get phone coaching with my therapist, but this fucking doctor wouldn't let me go, and after spending almost a week begging her, she finally agreed to IF i signed an ROI for my parents. that manipulative bitch
i dont tell my parents the details of my treatment for a reason. you can probably imagine how that went down when i got home.
anyway, that's neither here nor there. today I've been feeling like i am completely unable to survive in this society. i can't manage to get myself to go to work consistently, despite the fact that i get paid decently and want to. last week was the first week since i was employed in april that i went to work everyday.
i called in today. i just cant fucking do it. work takes everything out of me. i come home and sleep 12 hours because im exhausted, and if i have the time i can sometimes convince myself to make food before i leave for work again. i dont have time for hobbies, i dont have time to enjoy anything, getting to see friends means being sleep deprived, i don't even have time to take care of myself. calling in sick is me giving myself time to fucking shower and eat a meal and clean my room and possibly even do something relaxing so i don't drown in stress.
now that im drowning in medical bills— among the rent and electricity bills i will have to start paying next month when i move out, along with the debt im in for my car— being unable to go to work consistently feels like a death sentence. and honestly, yeah, i am considering death so that i dont have to worry about this shit anymore. because obviously me with my chronic mental illnesses— that even if they do manage to go into remission, will make me a slave to the healthcare system in the process— are not meant to thrive in this society.
i cant fucking do it. not right now- and if I can't right now while im in a stable living situation, then i certainly wont be able to when the roof over my head is dependent on whether or not i can get myself out of bed everyday.
its bullshit that im considering killing myself over medical bills at 19.
- andrew
#diary#tumblr diary#online diary#journal#journalling#tumblr journal#mental illness#mentally ill#im not mentally stable#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#therapy stuff#psych hospital#mental hospital
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When you were supposed to have your (now ex) boyfriend tell his BEST FRIEND that their BOYFRIEND is my RAPIST but he backs out cause hes just "too stressed" and that im "always in crisis mode". As if i hadnt been waiting literally months to do that because HE WOULDNT LET ME DO IT SOONER OR BY MYSELF.
Then the other person, who was another best friend of his, who was also going to be there also backs out because telling their BEST FRIEND who is dating a RAPIST UNKNOWINGLY, isnt "Ethical right now. Their just so stressed. If you told them now you'd just destroy their own life to make yourself feel better, is that what you want?" And then youre so fucking Fawn responsy you just go along with it.
And then after you had been trying to get your boyfriend to either call or visit you but he ghosts you for weeks then says asking him about informing his friend about their boyfriend was "the last straw" and sends you a two pages worth discord message detailing all the things youve "done wrong" and all of ypur flaws.
Specifically asks for no other headmates to front around him, and calls it "symptom management"; setting aside the absolute bullshitting fuckery that statement is already, you also just found out your plural a month ago and have basically had your entire life uprooted, and are going to the hospital because you are so stressed you are literally FAINTING AND VOMITING EVERYDAY, so you also had to take a break from your fucking job and cant afford groceries. But MY GOD MAN simply existing as a multiple is just not MANAGING YOUR SYMPTOMS ENOUGH.
Then you basically get told that him and his friend and their best friend who is STILL UNKNOWINGLY DATING YOUR RAPIST, just dont want to be your friend anymore because your "exhausting" and a "drain" and a "burden". They are "rescinding" their offer to help.
Then you have to literally threaten to call their best friend right then and there and tell them if they do not tell them themselves. And they treat it like a hostage situation, like youre a bomb and they are diffusing you even though THEY LIT THE FUCKING FUSE.
GO FUCK YOURSELVES LITTLE RICH BOARDGAME NERDS OF SEATTLE. I see your "fake woke" bullshit and I raise a multiple in the hundreds whos fucking tired of dealing with being dragged through the god damn mud.
Fucking watch your back. Yuppie crybaby cunts.
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Finally quit my awful fast food job a while ago. I was finally able to cut my hours without losing my position so i could focus more on school, but i was still struggling and my job was just /killing me/ even tho by then i was working 10hrs a week instead of my usual 20-25+ during a semester. I would work a 5hr on Saturday and Sunday, but more often than not I was the ONLY manager on shift bc no other shift managers were scheduled and the gm always had things to do during my shift specifically, especially during the two hours I had 5-8 people, and having 7/8 was a VERY lucky day. Not to mention very few of the crew on my shift were cross trained, so if i was short someone in service or in the kitchen, i was just fucked. And I didnt get the proper recognition either, except by the coworker who I sometimes handed my shift off to who said I gave him a good shift bc i tried to use my very last hour, typically the only hour i had enough staff to do so, to stock and clean for him bc i couldnt deal with the idea of getting bitched for a messy store even though I just wasnt getting staffed like i shoulr by the scheduling manager and GM. Im also a very feminine presenting person who is short, not very strong, and is in my early 20s so being the only manager (and sometimes one of if not the oldest) in the store was also incredibly stressful bc i had to be scared about getting the wrong kind of pissed off customer. They started cracking down on every little thing the last few months too- exact uniforms, phone use, /daily deepclean walkthroughs for every shift manager every time they run shift/... It was just exhausting. My last straw was getting a week suspension over something incredibly petty when i was already so damn exhausted. Ive literally had to clean feces off the wall at this place before, and had to deal with so much bullshit from higher ups and worked my ass into the ground just bc i was scared i had no other opprotunities. So glad i finally said fuck it. Im doing so, so much better.
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Eyes Like Burning Gold
A/N:Just something random thats been brewing in my head for about a week and i now decided to write it:| Also some of the names in the story are made up.
Word Count: 680
Jack Harlow x Reader
Summary: Jack has been acting weird and you finally ask whats wrong.
Warnings: fluff ending
“Jack..- Jack!” Y/N said as she shook him. “What” he exclaimed. He looked at you like he just saw a ghost. “You go on in like 3 minutes, did you not here Angie calling you?”. “Oh shit- No” he said sounding exhausted.
He scrambled to his feet from the couch in his dressing room and went to get mic’d up, And within 3 minutes he was up on stage performing the beginning of “21C/Delta”. You had noticed that Jack was acting weird lately. He was going to bed at weird hours. He woke up in the middle of the night in cold sweats and on the verge of a panic attack. Jack was also being very distant.
Not saying that he’s super clingy, just that its seems like he’s hiding something. You haven’t confronted Jack about it. No specific reason why just cause you thought it would blow over. So during the show you texted Urban to meet you in Jack’s dressing room.
Y/N: Can you meet me in Jack’s room?
Urb🍃: Sure. For what?
Y/N: Its about Jack..
Urb🍃: Ok im coming.
You were sitting on the couch when Urban walked in. “So what about Jack” Urban he sighed. “He’s been acting really weird Urb. When i go to bed he’s stays up doing god knows what, and he has been very distant. Im just worried about him”.
You exclaimed on the verge of tears. He just sat there. “Have you talked to him about it” “no” “why” “cause i didn’t wanna bug him about it cause i knew he would brush it off saying “he’s fine” “After the show talk to him if he still is not himself” “ok” By the time your guys conversation was over Jack was finishing up his last song. After the show you and him did your usual after. He went to go mingle with his fans, while you talked to his manager about whatever. Then you to were takin back to your hotel room.
The ride back was so silent you could hear fly buzz past. As soon as you got to the room, you took a shower. “jack do you wanna join me” you sighed. “no thanks mama’s” “k”. Now you definitely have to confront him cause he never rejects a shower with you. You quickly got in and got out, and washed your face.
By the time you got out Jack was out cold on the bed. You didn’t even wanna wake him, you knew how tired he was. But you had to talk to him or you never would. “Jack babe” you whispered as you shook him lightly. “What is it mamas” he grumbled. “You gotta go take a shower then me and you are gonna talk” “ok”.
He kissed your cheek and did what you told him to do. When he got out the shower you were sitting on the bed just waiting for him. Jack stumbled over to the bed and sat down on the edge. “What do we have to talk about Y/N” “You” “Me?” “Yes you!”. You got up and straddled him.
“Why have you been not you lately”. He was about to say something but you cut him off. “And don’t you dare say your not cause Jack i have known you long enough to know when your lying. So don’t give me any bullshit”. He just sat there teary eyed.
“Im just stressed out about the tour thats all” he looked down. Ashamed. You grabbed his chin and made him look up at you. “Why didn’t you just tell me that in the beginning” “Cause i didn’t wanna stress you out” “Baby im stressed out when you don’t tell me things”. You two sat there for what seemed like forever.
Just gazing into each others eyes. Jack slowly rubbing the small of your back, complimenting your eyes saying how they are the color of “burning gold” and how he could stare into them for eternity. And you playing with the nip of his hair and smiling whenever he said anything. “I love you mama’s” “I love you to lover boy”…
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Hi! I hope you're still taking requests (if not just go ahead and ignore this lol). These past couple of weeks have been absurdly stressful for me to the point of complete exhaustion and I can't exactly slow down all that much. Maybe a Norman x Fem!reader where reader's going through something similar and Norman helps to comfort them and help them feel better? Thanks :3
hi im so sorry this took so long but here you are!
summary: you feel worthless after not being able to come up with ideas for an assignment and norman lifts you up
norman x gn!reader
warnings: cursing
word count: 532
The work was getting so overwhelming. You had a forty-page dissertation due in the following week and you had spent your blood, sweat, and tears on it but you still hadn’t reached the forty-page minimum.
Frustrated tears streamed down your face as you scoured the internet through your browser, trying to find more information about your topic.
It was late at night and your boyfriend, Norman had his arm under his pillow and his eyes closed, soft breaths coming from him. He had a long day at work and you didn’t want to disturb him considering how hard he worked as well.
You could barely even keep yourself awake from the lack of sleep you had from the last couple of days.
More tears slipped down your cheeks as you reread what you had so far.
It was all complete bullshit.
A loud sob escaped from your throat making Norman stir in his sleep, his eyebrows scrunched together.
“Fuck,” you whispered as you quickly swiped at your tears.
The auburn-haired man’s blue eyes snapped open and laid on you.
“Y/N,” the man’s voice was raspy as he approached you while tying his robe around his waist.
“You’re still awake dear why don’t you take a break and get some rest,” Norman coaxed as he pressed one of his hands onto your shoulder and rubbed circles into it.
You grunted in response as your tired eyes tore away from him and went back on your screen.
Norman’s face was one of concern as he lifted your chin to examine your face.
“My love, have you been crying?” his blue eyes looked sad as they scanned your features.
Your lip trembled and you immediately broke down as you felt the fur of Norman’s robe touch your neck.
He pulled you into his arms as he lifted you up and placed you into your shared king-sized bed.
He then joined you in bed and delicately placed your head into his lap as he stroked your hair.
For a few minutes, comfortable silence filled the air since Norman didn’t want to pressure you into talking due to your fragile state.
“I’m just so fucking tired, Norman,” your voice wavered.
“I know my angel that’s why you need a break,” he continued to stroke your hair.
“I’m not good enough that’s why I can’t get through this stupid dissertation,” you croaked as Norman lifted your limp body and put you in his lap.
You were so pathetic.
“Look at me,” Norman’s fingers moved your face so that your eyes were locked.
“You are good enough. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and you are the smartest person I know. You will get through this dissertation because you always pull through,” he pressed a small kiss on your forehead as you melted into his touch and leaned on his chest.
The beat of his heart comforted you as you felt your eyelids grow heavy.
“I love you,” you mumbled sleepily before passing out into your boyfriend’s arms.
Norman chuckled and then carefully shrugged off his robe and pulled the covers over your bodies before he drifted off to sleep dreaming of you.
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in which harry joins a new gym and you’re a trainer there.
a/n: happy new years loves! wishing you all a lovely and happy 2021! first fic of 2021 and im so excited to write more stories this year! to start the new year, here is boxer!harry for you, and this is for my very own timetravelathon fic challenge! if you’d like to join, please let me know, I’d love to have you on board! this story takes place in the 1990, and i know some of the songs mentioned weren’t released specifically in 1990 (just a few years after), but just pretend it was lol because they’re too good to not mention in this story hehe, but happy reading and pls reblog and leave feedback <3
thank you to @sunflowers-styles for beta reading this for me, love you always!
WORD COUNT: 22.6k of (kinda) boxer!harry x trainer!yn filled with angst and smut
WARNINGS: mentions of abandonment and blood
COME INTO MY INBOX AND LETS TALK ABOUT ‘143’ i’d love to know your thoughts!
pls rb to share! <3
16 August 1990
With every move he made, Harry felt a bead of sweat drip down the side of his face, down his back, and trailing down his chest. Small huffs of breath were released from his mouth, trying not to make it known that he was exhausted, but he continued until all of his energy was used up through the very end.
“C’mon,” he muttered to himself, anticipating the certain words to be yelled out.
He’d been going at it for a while now, muscles aching as he felt like he was about to collapse any minute. But he was determined to finish, to feel the satisfaction running through his veins, knowing that this was his best round.
“And time!” His trainer yelled at him, clicking the stop button on his timer.
Harry got in one last punch before putting his arms down, the soreness made his limbs feel like jello as he shook them out. The black leather punching bag was swinging back and forth, the chain that held up the speed bag rattled and slid against the metal bar. Harry loved that sound because it indicated that he was going his hardest to where the chain couldn’t keep up.
“Nice one, kid.” Henson, his trainer said as he fist-bumped Harry’s red glove.
Harry simply nodded in appreciation, too exhausted to speak as he placed his gloves onto his knees, leaning down as beads of sweat dripped down onto the matted floor. Several harsh breaths came out of his mouth as he sniffed in the fresh oxygen that was mixed with the musky scent of the gym.
Benny, Harry’s best friend, exited the ring, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his arm before walking towards Harry, who was still leaning on his knees. Benny tapped Harry’s glove, making him stand up straighter, and Harry patted Benny’s back.
“Good job out there, mate,” Harry told his best friend. Benny was in the ring with one of the other trainers, Mike, doing one of the nonstop routines. Harry liked training with Mike in the ring, but not when it was for cardio and timed rounds; he liked when it was chill, so he knew how hard he had to hit the target, which were the pads. But for the timed rounds they did, Harry was usually by the speed bags and Mike was in the ring.
“You too, man,” Benny breathed out with a smile.
They headed over to the bench to take their gloves off and catch a breather. The pair would do a cardio day every Thursday to get a good, sweaty workout in, and it always left them exhausted, but definitely much stronger.
“Hey, I’m not gonna be able to workout next Thursday,” Benny mentioned. Harry furrowed his brows as he put the end of the strap between his teeth to pull it off from the velcro, taking one glove off.
“What? Why not?” Harry asked confusingly. They never really had to call off a workout, especially Thursdays, unless one of them was sick, but other than that, neither of them missed any workout days.
“I’m taking the wife on a date,” Benny smirked, clearly very excited to spend some time with his wife, but Harry wasn’t amused.
“On a Thursday? Why can’t you do that on Friday?”
Benny rolled his eyes. “Because we both called off Friday, so we’re having a four day weekend to ourselves,” he explained.
Harry huffed, clearly not entertained. “Guess so…”
Benny knew Harry was always like this, ever since they were younger. The two had been so close ever since they met, now that Benny had a wife, Harry always felt like the third wheel and that he rarely saw Benny, however, that wasn’t entirely true Benny exercised with Harry every night during the weekdays, and sometimes they even grabbed a bite to eat afterward when Benny could use that time to be with his wife, Marianne.
Harry had an overwhelming fear of abandonment, it led him to have anxieties about how Benny could just get up and walk out of his life, even though he wouldn’t. Maybe it was why Harry is so attached to him; he’s the closest to Harry and it would completely destroy him if Benny ever decided that he didn’t want to be his friend anymore. That fear only grew based on an unfortunate turn of events that happened in college, four years ago, and it left Harry to pieces. Benny had never seen Harry so broken where he literally had to pick him up and take care of him. He never wanted to see his best friend like that ever again because it absolutely crushed him.
“It’s two days that we’re not going to be seeing each other, chill out. Didn’t know you were that in love with me,” Benny joked, hoping to lighten up Harry’s mood. Luckily, it worked because Harry breathed out a chuckle, throwing his towel at Benny’s face.
The two collected their belongings and walked over to the trainers as they always do at the end of every workout to have a light chat with them. Henson and Mike told them they did a great job and asked to confirm if they were still on for tomorrow, which Benny and Harry both agreed to. Benny also mentioned about not being able to work out next Thursday and Friday, including the reason why he wasn’t able to.
Henson and Mike looked at each other as if they were keeping something from the two. Harry titled his head and looked at Benny as if he was asking if he knew the reason why they were looking at each other weirdly, but Benny just shrugged his shoulders, just as clueless as Harry.
“Are you gonna tell us why you’re acting suspiciously?” Harry asked. The two trainers both sighed defeatedly.
“About that…” Henson started. “Next Friday…we’re closing,” he added.
“Like, closing for the day?” Benny asked innocently, hoping they didn’t mean what he really thought.
“No…for good,” Mike stated. Harry and Benny’s eyes both widened, words coming out of both of their mouths profusely. They were both talking over each other, disagreeing and not accepting the fact that the gym was shutting down.
“You can’t just do that-”
“-No, we refuse to let you close down-”
“Alright, guys! Settle down. You’re starting to act like kids, for god's sake,” Henson interrupted the tantrum that was about to start.
“You guys can’t just do that!” Benny exclaimed.
“Why are you guys even doing that?” Harry asked.
Mike sighed. “We mutually decided that it was best to close down because…we really need the money. My rent has been skyrocketing crazy high because more people have just decided that moving to Los Angeles is fun.” He rolled his eyes, and Harry slightly chuckled because it was true. Hollywood was the place to be and people from out of state had just figured out their new profound dream to move to one of the busiest cities.
“Fight Night will never be forgotten, alright? We’re just ready to let this place go. Plus, the roof is leaking and the wall is tearing apart, and that’s gonna be a pain to fix,” Henson added.
Mike and Henson were brothers and built Fight Night when they were in college. With the help of their father, they decided to build a place to gain strength and power, all while helping others defend themselves. Harry and Benny had been frequenting it ever since college, and it felt like home to them. Aside from the yelling and stuffy scent, it was a place for them to release any type of anger or stress.
Benny introduced Fight Night to Harry when he had physically picked Harry up from the ground on, what possibly was, the worst night of his life. It was something Harry looked forward to after classes, anxiously bouncing his leg up and down, waiting to get to the gym. Fight Night helped rebuild him, and now, he was in disbelief that the gym was closing.
“We’re old as fuck now. We wanna live our lives freely. Time to retire now, don’t you think?” Mike said with a sad chuckle. They were both in their late fifties, so Harry and Benny understood why they wanted to be free of work.
The four of them hugged it out, a very emotional and sentimental hug that was heartwarming but sad. Eyes were slightly watered before Henson pushed them and said, “We’re closing the gym next week, not fucking dying! We have time for this bullshit for an entire week.”
Harry and Benny left the gym with bittersweet hearts, but they kept Fight Night close to them, knowing that they owed a lot to the gym and the two men who built the facility. Mike had recommended some gyms that were close by if they were still interested in boxing, which they definitely were, so they were planning to check them out first before signing up.
“Do you wanna get something to eat?” Harry asked once they were outside of the gym. The air was humid, nothing different from inside the gym since it was summer and the sun was beginning to go down.
“Nah, I’m good. Gonna get home to Marianne. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Benny pat Harry’s back, nodding.
Harry waved. “See you.” He watched Benny walk away before getting into his silver 1990 BMW 5 series, sighing. He always hated going home, and he always tried staying out for as long as he possibly could.
As he drove home, he anxiously tapped his hands on the steering wheel as he couldn’t quite keep them still. It’d been happening for a while, a lot more often than he’d like, but he couldn’t help it.
Walking into the darkness and emptiness of his home, he sighed sadly as he sulked all the way to the restroom to shower. The hot steam relieved his achy and sore muscles, but he was hoping for this shower to also release any occurring and bad thoughts he had in his head.
He couldn’t help but think about the gym closing down. After going there for years, he couldn’t imagine going to a new gym; he’d adapted and adjusted to Fight Night that it would take him forever to find a gym that truly made him feel wanted. He was scared, to say the least.
Harry was never a big fan of change. He liked being comfortable and stable and didn't like to move around a lot. So, the thought of going to a different gym that wasn’t Fight Night, terrified him. It only added to the list of things that had abandoned him.
Once he was out of the shower, white towel secured lowly on his hips, showcasing his beautiful toned torso that was filled and inked with tattoos, his pager beeped. He wondered who it was as he walked over to his nightstand, considering that it was nearing nine in the evening.
He deeply sighed when he saw the pager read ‘345987,’ immediately knowing who it was. The pager code meaning ‘I’m horny’ could only mean it’s coming from Lizette.
Deciding not to answer the page, Harry set his pager down before walking back to the restroom, only for his home phone to ring, causing him to stop in his steps and answer the phone.
“Hello?” Harry answered.
“Hey, baby,” Lizette said seductively. His brows furrowed, holding the towel to his waist as it had loosened up a bit.
“What do you want?”
“You know what I want…” He knew exactly what she wanted. If she hadn’t paged him, he would still know what she wanted from him since all he provided to her was sex. “Isn’t it such a coincidence that I’m outside of your door right now?” Harry didn’t say anything but pinch the bridge of his nose before hanging up.
He walked towards his front door, sighing before opening the door that revealed Lizette on the other side, wearing a low cut top, cleavage clearly showing, and high waisted denim shorts. She leaned on the doorframe, smirking as she looked Harry up and down, noticing that he wasn’t wearing anything but a towel. Harry gulped as she stepped forward, placing her hands on his stomach before completely taking the towel off, and a smug smile plastered on her face.
Harry lets her take over like he always did. The feel of someone else’s body holding his, and lips kissing his own and his skin was something he couldn’t compare to anything else. Harry simply only did this to have some companionship, and Lizette made him feel a lot less lonely even if she was only there to have sex with him. He enjoys it twenty-five percent of the time—the other seventy-five percent was him actually wallowing in wanting someone to love him for him.
After they were done, Harry immediately covered himself with the blanket as Lizette got out of the bed to change back into her clothes. Even though they had sex multiple times and she’s seen him naked, there was something about the vulnerability after the sex that he didn’t want her to see because she didn’t quite deserve that if he was being honest.
“I had fun. Call you next time,” Lizette bid him goodbye before smacking a big kiss to his cheek, leaving a lipstick stain on his skin. She walked herself out, and once Harry heard the slam of the front door closing, he cringed slightly, wiping the lipstick off.
He turned onto his side, deeply exhaling. He didn’t feel anything but numbness—it was always like this. He used sex to cope with how he felt, but it only made it worse. Honestly, he didn’t know what else to do, so it was the only thing he turned to, other than boxing.
Harry fell asleep in his lonely room by himself. His heart was empty and felt like an isolated building that only carried his sadness.
The entire week had gone by in a flash — Fight Night was officially closed down for good.
Harry and Benny helped clean the space out as they reminisced and talked about the memories that were made in that gym. A lot of the stories had to do with girls walking by the gym, glancing through the window to see men working out, and then promptly walking into the gym to try and hit on the guys.
Harry had tried convincing Henson that he could run the gym, but he shot down the idea before Harry could convince him.
“Kid, look. If you want to run your own gym, do it. I want you to own a gym under your name. Not mine or Mike’s. You deserve to have something of your own, and whatever that may be, work for it. Work hard for it. I know you got it in you because you’re a hard worker, determined. You need to see that for yourself.”
A conversation that was supposed to convince Henson to let Harry run the gym turned into a sentimental series of words that Harry really needed to hear. Harry didn’t say anything else and nodded as he took in Henson’s words to his heart. Henson was someone Harry looked up to. He was an old man with wise words, and everything he said was either meaningful or mean, in a way to show tough love. So, his words were something Harry lived by.
The following Monday after Fight Night closed, Benny and Harry were on the search for their new gym. They didn’t plan on quitting the gym after their favorite one had closed down, and Henson and Mike made them swear they wouldn’t stop working out.
Now, the two were walking into a gym that was up the same amount of time Fight Night was. ‘Don’s Box’ was what the gym was called. The building was newly reconstructed, making the place seem more modern and a little less dingy. The space was quite big, able to fit two rings, six punching bags spread throughout, eight-speed bags, and a weight rack. The walls were painted black, but the amount of natural light from the window was plentiful enough to make the gym feel bigger and brighter.
A decent amount of people were at the gym, sectioned off with a few kids from eight to twelve on one side, and the rest of the adults on the other. There was a good mix between women and men, and everyone hyped everyone up with motivating words and claps over the music that was playing through two speakers that were hung in the corner.
“Can I help you?” An older man with gray hair had asked the two. He looked quite intimidating; wearing nylon sweatpants and a black long-sleeved shirt that was rolled up to his elbows, showing his gold watch. The look he had on his face was stern as he crossed his arms, waiting for an answer.
“Uh, yeah. We’re interested in joining your gym,” Benny told the man. The man looked the two up and down and scoffed.
“Sure you guys are ready for that?”
“We’ve been boxing for years, so yeah, we are.” Harry chimed in, a slightly defensive tone added to his words.
The man glared at Harry, stepping towards him. Harry was slightly taller than him, but he knew the man could definitely take him at any given moment, but Harry wasn’t looking to fight the man, honestly. He wanted to act and look tough in front of him, so the guy wouldn’t give him any crap for it later down the road during his workouts.
“Alright, alright. Take it easy, pa.” You interrupted, placing a hand on the man’s shoulders, making him turn his head. You raised your brows at him before tilting your head a bit, telling him to step back. The man backed off, giving Harry a snarly glance before huffing.
“I’m just messing. Gotta know how tough my athletes are to be here,” he spoke in a lighter tone than he was to the man in front of him, putting his arm around you.
“Thought you were gonna ‘stay on the sidelines’ and let me handle it?” You quoted your father’s words back to him, and he chuckled, putting his hands up, surrendering as he knew he couldn’t win against you.
“Alright, alright. I’ll let you handle it.” Don, your father, quickly looked at Harry up and down, and you rolled your eyes, knowing he wouldn’t do anything to potential customers. He walked away and you breathed out a chuckle, scratching your head.
“Sorry about that. You two are interested in joining?” You asked the two men in front of you. They were rather…attractive, you noticed. The one on the left was gorgeous with beautiful brown skin that looked so smooth. He was wearing a pair of red short-shorts and a white muscle tee. You noticed that he was wearing a wedding ring, so you averted your eyes off of him. The man next to him, however, was absolutely stunning. His left arm carried a sleeve-full of tattoos, and you wanted so badly to examine and look at every single one. With chocolate brown curls, his green eyes had a tad bit of a glimmer to them, not too much though, because if you were being honest, they were a bit dull, like he was exhausted and needed to let off some of the stress that he held based on how tense he looked.
You tried not to observe and think about it too much as your ability to read individuals thrived while meeting new people. You shook it off the thought, not wanting to assume things about their lives and seem too creepy in front of new and potential members.
“Yeah, we are. I’m Benny, by the way.” He shook your hand, smiling.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N. I run this place.” You offered the same smile back. Your eyes looked over at his friend, and he gave you a soft smile. “Y/N,” you repeated, taking your hand out for him to shake.
“I’m Harry. Harry Styles,” he introduced fully. A beautiful name for a beautiful man, you thought. He shook your hand as you felt the softness of his skin mixed with a tad bit of roughness from the callouses, probably from heavy-lifting.
Something about Harry introducing his full name had made you a bit weak in the knees. His deep and accented voice had made you a bit flustered as chills ran up your body. You’re acting like a fool, your subconscious told you. You were never one to show your obvious attraction for men, you were more into watching them from the side. But once Harry walked in, it seemed like you didn’t know how to keep your chill.
“Perfect. Nice to meet you both. Signing up shouldn’t be too long—don’t want to keep you two from working out.” You led the two men to one of the offices, knocking on the wooden door to greet Jamie. “Hi. These two are looking to sign up. Do you mind helping them out?”
“Of course! Come on in, guys,” Jamie greeted them, offering them to take a seat along with some water, which they both said yes to.
“I have to get back to my session, but you both are in great hands. Jamie is one of our best,” you told the two. You sent an innocent wink at Jamie, which he sent one back while Harry watched the entire interaction, feeling uneasy.
It was quite obvious how attractive and pretty you were. The moment he first saw you, his breath had immediately hitched in his throat. You had the most gorgeous face he’d ever seen, and when you spoke, your voice was soft and gentle, making Harry a bit more safe in a place he’s new to.
Jamie had gotten their details and credit card information down before asking them if they needed a tour of the place. They both had said no, seeing as things were pretty self-explanatory and they’d been to a boxing gym before.
They headed out of Jamie’s office and to the main floor, walking over to the heavy bags since the section was less crowded to start stretching. Harry rolled his shoulders and neck around, swinging his arms forwards and backward as he looked around the gym.
This was something he had to get used to—being in a new place, surrounded by new people. At Fight Night, he was around the same people for four years, and he was comfortable — he was fine with it. But now, he had to go through the same process all over again. Nerves and anxiety crept up his skin as he tried to jump around lightly, warming up a bit but also trying to shake off the unwanted feelings.
“Hey, you okay?” Benny asked concerningly as he stretched.
Harry’s brows raised, covering up his anxiousness. “Hmm, yeah, I am. Y’know, just a, uh, new place, that’s all,” he brushed him off.
“Okay. Well, whenever you’re ready to go, just tell me,” Benny told him before going into his bag to grab the wrapping tape.
Harry nodded, smiling in appreciation. Benny had always been a great friend to him, and Harry was a great friend to Benny as well. They always took each other’s feelings and concerns into consideration—always making sure the other is okay. They both really appreciated it because some friends weren’t lucky enough to talk about their feelings and be that vulnerable with one another. They trusted each other; they were like brothers.
Harry grabbed his jump rope, deciding to do a little five-minute warm-up to get his heart rate going. He faced the boxing ring to the left of him, noticing that you were in the ring, so he decided to casually watch you box. He then noticed that you had boxing pads on instead of gloves, and the people you were training were the kids that he had seen earlier.
He watched you instruct the excited kids who were prancing around with their boxing gloves on, in every color imagined. You helped them fix their form, their stance, and their punch; telling them that they had to be quick with their hit to bring their glove back to the side of their face quickly, so their opponent doesn’t have a chance to take a hit. The kids demonstrated for you, punching your right hand that was covered with the pad. You praised all of them, of course, correcting a few things, but overall, everyone was a natural fighter.
Harry’s heart rate definitely started to pick up, and he didn’t know if it was how fast he was jumping rope or because of the flutter he felt as he watched you interact with the kids. He truly never felt this kind of feeling where his heart picked up from the simple act of looking at someone.
You had definitely noticed Harry staring at you from your peripheral view, and you had thought it was a simple glance, but he never looked away. So, you took the opportunity to take a quick look at him while the kids were practicing.
Your eyes met him and you sent him a small smile, along with a wave with your boxing pads. Harry’s eyes widened, realizing that you were waving at him, and what happened next had embarrassed him even more. With how fast he was jumping, he suddenly got tangled with the rope, causing him to trip against it. Luckily, he caught his fall, but he was already embarrassed enough.
Harry’s heart completely dropped, cheeks flushed. He couldn’t believe he had made a complete fool of himself, especially at his new gym. He so badly wanted to tell Benny that he was ready to leave, but when he looked over at his friend, he had already started his workout, being so focused and in the zone that Harry didn’t want to be a burden.
When he turned back around to see if you were still looking, he jolted back a bit as you were behind him.
“Are you okay?” You asked concerningly.
“Uh, yeah. I…yeah, I’m okay. Thanks.” He cleared his throat, trying to cover up the fact that his voice almost cracked. He was so stunned by you. The way you made sure he was okay was possibly the nicest thing someone had done for him as you looked at him with your sweet eyes, and your posture was giving him your full attention. His heart pounded through his chest; the simple action and effort that was being put into this was making him overwhelmed.
“Okay. Let me know if you need anything, yeah?” You told him as you looked at him intently. He simply nodded, knowing that he couldn’t process any more words.
You gave him one last smile before quickly going back to your students. He watched you climb into the ring so effortlessly before continuing your training class.
Harry took a deep breath before walking over to one of the speed bags that was in the corner, hoping to hide away from the embarrassment that he felt. Wrapping his hands up, he anxiously scanned the room, noticing that everyone was doing their own thing. There was a possibility that no one else had seen him almost fall on his face, except you, which he really wished that it was the entire gym who saw him instead, not you. He lazily hit the speed bag, trying to warm up and shake off his mortification. Harry continued hitting the bag, eventually getting into a rhythm as his fists alternated between one another, along with the rhythm of the music of Montrell Jordan’s ‘This Is How We Do It.’
Soon enough, all the worry and stress that was in Harry’s head and body was shaken off and completely forgotten about as he focused on his strong punches, making sure to connect his mind to his muscles, so he could feel his muscles working.
And for the time being, life wasn’t all that bad.
A month had passed since being at Don’s Box, and Harry and Benny quite liked it. They had newer equipment and their music was always on point, playing the best of 90s R&B and Hip-Hop. It was their favorite music to listen to, especially while working out. The people there were nice and cool, never getting in each other’s way and letting everyone do their own thing while still having fun, keeping the space safe and comfortable.
Harry found himself walking into the gym at nine at night, an hour and a half before it closed. Usually, he wouldn’t work out this late, but during the day, he had felt so unmotivated and lazy to even get out of bed. He could put the blame on Lizette because she had gone to his house the night prior, doing the same thing they always do, but he knew she wasn’t the one to blame. Something about saying no to her and having her not talk to him had physically pained him. They were in a specific arrangement, he knew that. But having someone leave him again was something he couldn’t go through.
‘What’s Luv?’ by Fat Joe, Ja Rule, and Ashanti was playing when he set his bag down onto the ground against the wall, next to the heavy bag. He started to stretch as he took a look around; not many people were working out at this time, which he liked.
His eyes continued to search the gym, in hopes he would find you still here. Before the slightest bit of disappointment could settle, he saw you walk out of the hallway with Jamie, smiling and laughing at something he had said. He made a face as a hint of jealousy rushed through as he saw you with Jamie. He knew that there was no point in being jealous because he barely even knew you. But for the past month that he’s been at Don’s Box, you always had this look of excitement on your face when you saw and greeted Harry. It made his stomach flutter every time you would flash him your beautiful smile as you would carry the conversation, asking him about his day and if the music was good, which he commends you for putting his favorite songs on.
Looking away, he decided to just focus on the quick workout he could get in before the gym closed, so he retained his attention back to stretching before bending down to grab the tape from his bag to wrap his hands.
“Uh, hi, Harry,” you smiled as you greeted him. He looked up at you. The way the light was positioned behind your head made you look like an actual angel; you were ethereal.
He stood up and smiled softly. “Hi. How are you?” He asked, trying to contain his nerves from just looking at you. You were gorgeous, as you always are every day. You were wearing a pair of black leggings and a light pink t-shirt that was tied into a knot with the word ‘angel’ that was surrounded by wings printed in the middle. Kind of a coincidence, he thought, thinking back to when he called you an angel in his head.
“Good, good. You’re here later than usual—without Benny too,” you pointed out, but immediately cursed at yourself for making such an odd observation and telling it to his face as if you were keeping track of the times he’s gone into the gym.
“Yeah, I was pretty…tired during the day, so the only time I got a burst of energy was right now. And Benny is with his wife and in-laws tonight, so it’s just me tonight,” he explained with a soft chuckle.
“Well, glad you got the chance to make it in,” you said genuinely. He simply nodded, not knowing what else to say but instead he captured himself into you as you stared at him with your captivating eyes that spoke right through him. What was happening to him? He thought. This hadn’t really happened before, and he was good at letting his walls go up and guarding his precious heart.
“Hey, I’m gonna head out,” Jamie said, greeting you goodbye, and taking Harry out of his thoughts. “Hey, man. Have a good workout.” He shook Harry’s hand, and Harry smiled, nodding.
“See you tomorrow,” you told Jamie, smiling a bit as you waved. Jamie left the gym, and it was just you and Harry, along with a few other people who were wrapping up their workout.
“Are you not gonna go with him?” Harry asked, and you raised your brows in confusion.
“Why would I go with him?” You wondered.
“Oh, I just thought you would leave with him, y’know, your boyfriend…” he trailed off, slyly slipping in the word boyfriend in that sentence.
You giggled, shaking your head. “No, no. Jamie isn't my boyfriend. I’ve known him since I was ten, but nothing’s ever happened between us. Besides, he has a boyfriend of his own.” Harry raised his brows in shock as his shoulders visibly relaxed. “No need to worry, Harry. I’m all yours,” you flirted a bit. You normally wouldn’t flirt so easily with someone, especially if they were a member of your gym, but something about Harry had made you release all the stress you had once you saw and talked to him.
Harry blushed, grinning as his dimple popped out on his cheek. Your eyes lightened once you noticed that feature, making you think that he was ten times cuter than he already is.
“You’ve been in the ring, right?” You asked curiously. Harry nodded, and the corner of your lips turned up. “Great! We have about a little less than an hour and a half, so if you’re looking for some intense cardio, I could do it with you—y’know, train you and guide you, and whatnot,” you suggested.
If Harry’s being honest, he wasn’t planning on doing cardio today—just a few routines to get his muscles warm, but the way you’re looking at him and how you spoke to him so softly and effortlessly, he couldn’t say no.
“Yeah, I’m up for it,” he responded. Your eye brightened, resisting the urge to squeal from excitement, telling him that you were going to get the mitts and to meet you in the ring. He chuckled slightly as you walked over to the equipment room to get the mitts. Harry quickly hit the speed bag to warm up until he saw you walk out of the room.
He put on his gray sweater and a green packers beanie, so he could sweat more before he met you in the ring with his gloves pressed between his arm and the side of his body. You put the mitts in between your legs as Harry handed you one of the gloves. Holding onto the end of it, he put his hand inside as you pushed the glove towards him, so it would sit on his hand tightly before strapping it securely for him before proceeding to the next one. The proximity between you two was quite close as you helped him put on the gloves, and you could smell the faint scent of cologne mixed with the slightest bit of sweat, giving him that unique musk; the one that doesn’t smell horrible at all but lured you in.
You quickly snapped out of your thoughts and looked up at Harry. “Good?” He nodded, punching the gloves together to make sure they felt comfortable. “Ready?”
“Let’s do this,” Harry said, skipping in place to warm his body up before getting into his stance. His left leg was a few feet away from his right leg as he bounced around a bit, waiting for you.
You faintly smirked, nodding your head before you put on the mitts. Since Harry was very familiar with the mitt workouts, you figured that you didn’t need to explain what each number represented since mostly all trainers and coaches use the same numbers for the same punch.
“Okay, let’s warm up a bit. Give me one,” you instructed. Harry put his gloves up to protect his face as you held your right mitt up. With his left hand, he punched your mitt, not giving his full strength. “Is that all you got?” You challenged, knowing that he had more power in him.
“I-I don’t want to hurt you,” he said honestly with a small pout, standing straight from his boxing stance. Usually, you would take offense to that statement, barking back a comment saying that just because you were a girl it didn’t mean you couldn’t take a hit, but you didn’t go that far into it, knowing Harry didn’t mean it that way whatsoever.
“You’re not gonna hurt me, Harry. I’ve trained so many people—all with different body types and strengths. My hand has felt all different types of power, so hit the mitt like you mean it.” You hit his shoulder, building up his motivation. He nodded, getting back into his stance as did you. “Now, give me one.”
This time, Harry’s glove met your mitt with full potential and force, and you took the hit well—not moving back or being stunned.
“There you go! Keep going,” you told him, and he continued giving you jabs. ‘In Da Club’ by 50 Cent was blaring through the speakers as Harry breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth. Several huffs of breath came out loudly as he punched, moving and dancing around the ring with you as the two of you occasionally shifted and switched positions.
Harry got in a few more punches before you switched it up, telling him, “1-2.” Harry jabbed with his left hand and crossed jabbed with his right hand, putting his full range of motion into his right punch. He did that combination five times as he started to feel sweat dripping down his back and the sides of his forehead.
You were yelling out words of encouragement and motivation, praising him for his punches, to which he responded back with a better and solid punch to your mitts.
“Nice!” You took a step back to move around the ring to take advantage of the space as Harry jumped and skipped around to wherever you directed him to. “Wanna take a break?” You asked. He shook his head no, determined to finish this workout that he couldn’t even think about wanting to take a break because he really didn’t want to. “Okay, 1-4-3,” you told him. With force, he jabbed, hooked with his left hand, and hooked with his right hand.
This feeling that he had felt—being in the ring with you—was something entirely different than when he was in the ring with Henson or Mike. The stress that he physically carried onto his shoulder had washed away into nothingness, leaving him with a drive that didn’t include overthinking and fear. The fear that had left him worried and depressed, that his life would amount to nothing—that fear disappeared inside him once he threw the first punch. It was exhilarating and fun, and he didn’t know he could have this much fun in the ring. But this was the most pleasure he’s ever felt while boxing.
You ordered him to do some different combinations, such as ‘1-2-3-5,’ which was a jab, cross jab, leading hook, and rear uppercut. You also included moments when he had to duck because you were swinging at him. He definitely had gotten into a rhythm, punching and moving faster. You were the trainer, the person that was supposed to instruct him, but you matched his rhythm and energy and moved quicker with him as well.
You were starting to get a sweat in as well, and that was mostly because of the adrenaline rushing through your blood as you moved excitedly around the ring.
After a while, a timer had gone off, telling you that it was time to close up as Harry’s focus was cut off—the sound making him look up hastily. Throughout the time you were working out with Harry, people were slowly starting to make their way out, but the two of you were too focused on working out that you hadn’t even noticed that it was just the two of you left in the gym.
“Oh, guess we’re closing.” You stood up straighter, wiping the sweat on your forehead with your forearm. “Feelin’ good?” You asked Harry with a proud smile.
“Feelin’ great,” he smirked.
“Good, I’m glad. You did great!” You complimented, ripping the velcro strap with your teeth as you took off the mitts. Harry did the same, shaking out his arms as he clenched and unclenched his fists to relieve the ache from making a fist for more than an hour.
“Thank you. You’re a really great trainer, by the way. This was…the first time I had fun in the ring,” he told you honestly, and without knowing, the slightest bit of him had opened up to you.
Your eyes brightened, a glimpse of shimmer reflected on your eyes. “Really? Thank you, that makes me really happy, actually.” You felt like you were going to cry on the spot. No one, except your younger students, had ever told you that they had fun in the ring since most people used boxing as a way to get stronger and improve their punches. But fun? That was the first, and you would definitely keep that with you forever.
You and Harry walked to one end of the ring as Harry held open the top two ropes with his hand as he stepped on the bottom two ropes with his foot, holding it open for you to get out. You blushed, thanking him before you got out of the ring as he followed you out.
Once you two were on the ground, you turned around to face him. You watched as he took off his beanie, shaking his hair out as they bounced; curls were now formed into waves because of the heat and the sweat that had produced in his beanie. He looked…extra good right now. With his cheeks flushed, hair messy, and sweat dripping down his forehead, you couldn’t put into words how incredibly sexy he looked.
You cleared your throat, not wanting to get caught for ogling him. “I, uh, have to check on some things before closing. Take your time! And I’ll see you on Monday?” You raised your brows and curled your lips in as you looked up at him. A sense of flustered-ness settled in you as you waited for his answer.
He breathed out a chuckle as he looked down briefly before looking back into your eyes again. “Yeah, I’ll see you.” You nodded your head, waving at him before you headed over to the office. Harry smiled as he watched you walk into the hallway until he couldn’t see you anymore.
A small blush formed onto his cheeks as he contained himself from smiling too big and too wide. He put all of his stuff back into his bag, grabbing his towel, ridding the sweat off his skin. Grabbing his belongings, he took another glance at the hallway, hoping to get another look at you before he took off, but you were occupied with closing the gym, so he didn’t bother staying any longer.
With a small smile on his face, he walked out of the gym, taking in this new profound feeling that he’d never felt before, hoping this feeling would last.
The next morning, Harry had a sudden urge to go back to the gym. His upper body was quite sore, but he figured he could do some leg exercises to balance the soreness he felt. He normally wouldn’t workout on the weekends since those were his rest days, but despite being sore, he didn’t feel tired. It could also do with the fact that he wanted to see you again, not wanting to wait until Monday to do that again.
When he walked into the gym, ‘Ride Wit Me’ by Nelly was playing and his head slightly bopped to the music, walking over to the corner of the gym to warm up. He scanned the gym, looking for a particular person, but couldn’t find you. There were a decent amount of people, not too crowded or too little, so it should’ve been easy to find you. Thinking that you were probably in your office, he shook off the slight disappointment and got ready to workout.
Throughout his workout, his head wasn’t in it. He kept glancing through the mirror to see if you had shown up, but you hadn’t. His eyes were always looking over at the front door every time someone would walk in, but a small frown settled onto his face when he realized it wasn’t you.
He wrapped up his workout an hour later, thinking that he somewhat still got a good workout in. He walked out of the gym, saying bye to some of the guys that had caught him before he left.
It was nearing noon when his stomach had growled, urging him to consume some food. There was a Mediterranean hole-in-the-wall restaurant right across Don’s Box, and his mouth watered at the thought of it. He walked to his car that was parked on the side of the street to drop his bag off before walking across the street to the restaurant.
He scanned the menu, standing on the side since he didn’t know what he was ordering yet. The sound of the door ringing and a voice that was speaking to him brought him out of his thoughts.
“Are you in line?” Harry turned his head towards the voice, and his heart nearly beating ten times faster when he saw you. He had a shocked expression on his face, not expecting to see you, especially when you were wearing the complete opposite of what he normally sees you in. You were wearing a pair of blue denim overalls with a black t-shirt underneath, along with white Reebok sneakers. You had a bit of makeup on; an orange sparkly eyeshadow look with some mascara that made your eyelashes look full and natural. Your lips were painted in a red-orange lipstick stain, bringing out more of your natural lip color.
The beauty that Harry’s eyes were blessed with made his knees weak, sending shivers to his skin. Your angelic appearance had struck him so hard that he was sure he would see the light of day, hoping to meet you up there since you were a real-life angel.
“Y/N…hi,” he managed to spit out.
“Hi, Harry. Did you just workout?” You asked.
He nodded, feeling a bit nervous. “Uh, yeah, I did.”
“You don’t usually go in on Saturdays…” you noticed, only seeing him during the weekdays. You’re off on Saturdays, but there was one Saturday that you had gone into the gym briefly, and you didn’t see him there.
“Yeah, I felt like going in today,” he said, obviously leaving out the part that he only went to the gym to see you again, but you didn’t need to know that bit. There was a moment of silence between you two until Harry remembered that he was probably holding up the line for you. “Oh, you could go ahead. I’m not ready to order yet.”
You smiled, nodding your head as you stepped forward in the line. “Have you ever been here before?”
“No, I haven’t. Do you have any suggestions?”
You slightly squinted your eyes at him. “Do you trust me?” You asked.
That was a difficult question for him, and somewhat vague. Did you mean overall, at the moment, or for his food order? Either way, he nodded because he knew that it didn’t matter what you meant--he had this sense of security with you that he would trust you with his life, and that said a lot, considering that he’d only known you for a month.
“Yeah, I do trust you,” he stated honestly.
His words brought a grin to your face, looking at him appreciatively. Based on your observations of him, you noticed that he was a bit closed off; he didn’t open himself up, and if he did, it took a lot in him to do just that. So, hearing him tell you that he trusts you made you grateful, and you would never do anything to take advantage of that trust because he didn’t just give it out easily.
“I got you,” you simply said before turning back around towards the cashier. Harry softly smirked as he took a step forward to stand next to you. You looked at him, flashing him a toothy grin before quickly facing forward.
You ordered your favorite dish from the restaurant, which was a beef kabab plate, for the both of you. Harry quickly got his wallet out, offering to pay, but you told him that you got it this time, hoping your words conveyed that you wanted there to be a next time. He shyly thanked you for the lunch, keeping your words in mind because he would definitely be up for a ‘next time.’
Luckily, you didn’t have to wait long for your order to come out, which was fortunate for Harry because he was starving. You suggested eating outside since it was a beautiful day out and Harry agreed, following you out of the restaurant.
You two sat on the metal chairs, digging into your dishes. Harry’s mouth watered as he ate, his stomach being satisfied. There was a comfortable silence that settled between you two, only making small conversation when you asked if he liked the food, which you were glad to hear that he loved.
“So, how long have you been running Don’s Box?” He suddenly asked, wanting to get to know you better.
You raised your brows at his question. “For about two years now. My father, Don, opened the gym when he was twenty-five, that’s when he had me as well. But when he opened the gym, it practically changed his life. He’d boxed all of his life, and he was happy training other people when he started getting more people to come into his gym. When I was about six, he told me that he wanted me to run the gym when I turned twenty-five, only if I wanted to. But of course, I did. I looked up to him all of my life, and the gym made me happy as well,” you explained, smiling at the memory of when you were younger, being excited to turn twenty-five to do the same thing your father did.
A soft smile appeared on Harry’s face as you reminisce on the memory.
“How long have you been boxing?”
“Since I was eight. Don showed me the ropes when I told him I was ready. There used to be a seating area on the side of the ring because when I was younger, I used to sit there and watch him work and train people. So, I was pretty interested and intrigued about fighting to get myself stronger, even at the young age of eight,” you chuckled.
You were a daddy’s girl, always had been since you were born. Don had always set a pretty amazing example of how you should go about living your life. He would always say ‘Live your life with a strong punch. Keep your head up, and don’t let anything get to you because you’re so much more than what other people say. But if you need to cry, you can—there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.’
As your eyes watered from the thought of your father’s words, Harry watched as you got emotional and he couldn’t help but think that you’ve crossed a line in asking too many questions.
“Sorry, I always get emotional-”
“I’m sorry if I’ve overstepped—I should’ve kept the questions to myself-”
“Oh, no! You didn’t overstep whatsoever. I’m glad you asked me those questions, I just get soft and emotional over my dad, so hence, I’m tearing up,” you let out a somewhat pathetic chuckle as you couldn’t believe that you almost cried in front of this gorgeous man. You dabbed the corners of your eyes with your napkin, stopping the tears from falling out.
Harry nodded understandingly, waiting for you to regroup yourself. You kept apologizing, but he kept telling you that you had nothing to be sorry for.
“Really, if you need to cry, you can…” he told you. Your eyes widened; you were just thinking about your dad’s words two minutes ago, and for Harry to say the exact same thing Don had always told you without even knowing that Don had said those words.
Not wanting to cry in front of him, you simply nodded your head, holding the napkin on the outer corner of your eye, so the napkin would catch your tears.
Harry quickly changed the subject, sensing that you needed it, and you really did, so you were grateful for that. He busied himself by telling you what his favorite ice cream flavor was since he was suddenly reminded that there was a shop just down the street. He kept you occupied by talking about all the sweet treats that he used to eat with his mom back home, and how much he missed walking down the streets in the city to eat some ice cream.
“My mum used to make this really great chocolate mousse pie, and we would eat it every weekend. It was extremely sweet, but it was delicious. I really miss it…” he told you. That had been a while ago, but it was like he could still taste the dessert as if he just ate it yesterday.
“Is your mom back home in England?” You asked, figuring that there wasn’t any harm in asking to get to know him since he asked you some questions as well.
“Uh…actually, I don’t know where she is…” he said honestly, and you knitted your brows in confusion. “I mean, honestly. I don’t know where she is. Ever since I went to uni, she’s been all over the place, taking vacations and barely calling. I-I feel like she’s forgotten about me,” he spoke ever so softly as he was fragile.
You listened to him intently, giving him your full attention as he was opening up a part of his life that you knew he doesn’t tell a lot of people. A part of him that he’s kept in for so long and just the passing sense of relief he felt saying those words and speaking up about this subject had made him feel so much better.
“I’m sure she didn’t forget about you.”
“Seemed like it. We inherited my grandfather’s will—left us a generous amount for each of us that’ll take care of us for the rest of our lives. And she took that and ran with it. I mean, I get it—she wants to live her life, and now’s the time to do that because she’s got the money for it, but I feel…abandoned. She got up, said goodbye, and just…left. It just makes me think that I’m not good enough—that I wasn’t good enough to stay.” Harry opened a can of worms that he can’t take back anymore. But the trust that he had in you already made him want to talk about everything with you; to open up about all of his stresses and insecurities.
Boldly, you reached your arm across the table but immediately pulled away because you didn’t want to touch him without asking. But before you could open your mouth and ask, Harry had reached forward, meeting your hand halfway as his palm was facing up as if it was a way of saying ‘you can hold my hand if you want.’ Blushing, you reached forward again and took your hand into his.
The touch was sweet and tender as you two held hands; the want to hold each other tighter was present, wanting to take away Harry’s pain.
“Harry, you will always be good enough. I know we just met a month ago, but I already know that you’re the sweetest, kindest person. Please know that. You are enough, and I’m grateful that you’re here and that I’m sitting across from you, eating lunch,” you declared. Harry sniffled, not knowing what to say as he put his head down, so you continued. “For as long as we’re friends, I’m gonna stay.” You spoke with complete honesty as you caressed the back of his hand with your thumb.
Harry’s head lifted up at your last statement in disbelief as if this was the first time someone had ever said that to him.
“Really?”
You squeezed his hand, making his heart flutter. “Yeah. As long as you want me to,” you reassured, nodding.
Harry gave you a soft and appreciating smile as he took a deep breath. The breath that he held in throughout the entirety of the conversation was finally let out in relief. He shrunk back into his seat, still holding your hand as you continued rubbing it, and he breathed out a chuckle. It was an overwhelming feeling that was riddled with happiness and a sense of security washed over him.
It was like he had been waiting for you; someone new that unexpectedly came into his life was scary because it was change, but it was a good change. A change for the better. He had been vulnerable enough to open himself up, and it all led to the tight bond and trust you two had with one another, sealing your friendship and relationship.
And you both knew this moment was going to change everything.
Time had passed by rather quickly as it was nearing the end of October. The weather was getting chillier as the sun was beginning to disappear behind the clouds earlier. There was something about the fall weather that Harry adored. It may have to do with the fact that the gloomy sky had occurred more often, or how he got to call it a night early. Whatever it may be, he liked it, or he used to.
In recent times, he wanted the sun to stay out until it was time to go to bed. He wanted warm days instead of gloomy. His new changed attitude towards life had to do with you.
You and Harry had been hanging out quite a lot; getting to know one another, getting a bite or drink, and working out together, it definitely gave Harry the chance to let go of his past. He was happier, smiled more, and laughed a lot which he didn’t know he was capable of doing those things again until he met you.
Benny loved it, though. He sure cherished it because seeing his best friend happy again was something he was afraid he wouldn’t see again. But that didn’t stop him from having a little talk with you, trying to protect Harry and set you straight.
When Harry was occupied with hitting the speed bag, Benny walked over to the ring, where you had just finished another class with your younger students.
“Hey, Benny!” You greeted him once you saw him walk towards you.
“Hey, do you mind chatting for a minute?” You raised your brows, nodding your head. Benny usually didn’t talk to you privately nor was it anything serious, but by the look on his face, it seemed pretty serious. “So, you’ve been hanging out with Harry a lot, hmm?”
You smiled softly. “Yeah! Hope you don’t mind that? Know I’m taking your best friend and all…”
“No, I don’t mind. I’m actually glad you are. He seems quite taken by you, and I haven’t seen him like that in a very long time,” Benny said honestly. You seemed to know where this conversation was going now, and now that you thought about it, you expected this from Benny because they were like brothers and Benny would do anything to protect Harry. “What I’m trying to say is…if you’re only hanging out with him to fuck with him, don’t bother. He’s been through enough, and I know he can’t handle anymore of that and I can’t stand to see him like that again.”
“Like what?” You hesitatingly asked.
“Like…just know that he was a mess. He couldn’t get up, eat, drink, shower, or anything. I had to physically help him. I don’t want to see him like that ever again.” Benny shook his head as if he was reliving the horrible nightmare that he went through a few years ago.
“Is this about his mom?”
“He told you that?” He asked, just to make sure, and you nodded. “Kind of. But that’s only half of it. He’ll tell you when he’s ready, but I’ve already said too much. Just…take care of him, okay? He tries to act tough sometimes, but he’s trying his best to not break down. Although, I haven’t seen that kind of look on him since he’s been hanging out with you, so you’re probably doing something right.”
You nodded understandingly. “Thanks for talking to me. I don’t plan on breaking his heart at all, and I’m quite taken with him myself,” you admitted.
“Good. I’m glad you are. He’s a great guy.” Benny smiled, and you agreed.
Benny didn’t talk to you for much longer before he started getting cold from standing around, so he ended the conversation and went back to working out.
Meanwhile, as you and Benny were talking, Don took the chance himself to talk to Harry, seeing as you were occupied.
“Harry.” Don made himself present around him.
Harry immediately stopped his workout, greeting your father. “What’s up, Don?”
“So, I’ve noticed that you’ve been hanging around Y/N a lot.” Don’s stance changed as he crossed his arms, sporting a slight frown. Harry gulped; he always found Don to be quite intimidating, ever since he joined the gym, but Harry didn’t want to seem like he couldn’t have a serious conversation with the father of the woman that he’s slowly falling for--no, he couldn’t act like that. “What’s that all about?” Don added.
“I’m just…we’re friends, so we’re just hanging out. Nothing more,” he told Don honestly. Although he would like there to be more, he didn’t know how you felt about him or if you even felt anything for him at all.
Don nodded. He could tell that Harry was holding back on something he wanted to say, and he had an idea of what that was. So, he let loose of the intimidating and protective act, knowing that wasn’t really him anyway, and his expression softened as he uncrossed his arms. He placed a comforting hand on Harry’s shoulder, taking a deep breath.
“You have this look of wanting to say more and you don’t have to tell me, but I will tell you this…if you want to date her and go out with her, you can. This isn’t approval and a ‘yes’ for you to take her out because I don’t need to do that--she can make her own decisions. All I’m saying is that if you want to, go for it. Life is too fuckin’ short to not do anything, to not say anything.”
Harry’s shoulders relaxed and he smiled in appreciation at Don’s words. “Thanks, Don. I definitely want to take her out, but I just don’t know how she feels about me.”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure she feels something for you--she hasn’t told me, but I just know. You’re the first guy in a while that she’s been hanging around with consistently, and that comforts me, in a way. Knowing that she’s living her life and not holding back anymore.” Harry stayed silent, taking his words in. He tried not to overanalyze what Don had said because you’ll tell him and open up to him when you want to, just like how you’re patiently waiting for Harry to open up fully as well. “Just…don’t break her heart, okay? She’s been through enough and I just want her to be happy.”
Harry nodded understandingly, saying a soft ‘okay’ before Don changed the subject and talked about how Harry should train with him one of these days, which Harry immediately said yes to and they planned for the following week to train. Don left him to finish his workout, telling him to have a nice night as you and Harry were going out to dinner.
Benny and Harry finished up their workout, and before they were able to head out the front door, Harry stopped, telling Benny to give him a minute. Harry fast-walked towards you, lugging his bag on his shoulder. You were coming out of your office, which was why Harry couldn’t say goodbye to you after his workout.
“Hey, we’re heading out,” he said, wiping the bit of sweat on the back of his neck with his towel.
“Oh, okay. I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah, I’ll pick you up,” Harry suggested, pursing his lips into his mouth as he contained his smile. You nodded, eyes sparkling as you looked up at him. “I’ll, uh, page you,” he slightly smirked.
“Okay,” you mindlessly responded as you were getting quite lost in his green eyes that looked at you intently with a gleam that sat so perfectly against his irises, making his eyes glimmer brightly.
He gave you one last smile and a little wave before walking out of the gym with Benny. You were left stunned as you stood there, completely drifted away from reality as you were in a dream about Harry. You felt a small nudge on your shoulder, causing you to snap out of your thoughts and dream as you turned around to see your father laughing.
“Get back to work.” A smug plastered on his face.
A breathy chuckle was released from your mouth as a hint of embarrassment emerged onto your face with wide eyes. You got back to work, focusing your attention on training your next client, but your mind was racing at the thought of Harry.
As he promised, Harry paged you when he was outside of your apartment complex. He wanted to knock on your door like the proper gentleman that he is, but the buzzer machine to let people in wasn’t working, so paging you would have to do for now. He waited for you outside of his newly washed car, making sure it was nice and clean for you as he leaned against the passenger door.
You walked out of your building, and Harry was immediately blown away. You were wearing a black skirt with stockings that hugged your legs, and a white knitted sweater since it was on the chillier side.
Every time he saw you, his heart would beat incredibly fast, pulse pounding through his veins. His stomach was in flits of butterflies, soaring in his heart and stomach, making him extremely nervous. Every time he saw you, everything would stop, like you were the only person in the world and everything was okay.
“Hey, H,” you flashed him your smile, one that he looked forward to every time he saw you.
“H-Hi,” he stuttered, clearing his throat to start over. “Hi. You look really nice.”
You blushed. “Thank you! You look great as well. Love this top.” You reached forward, lightly tugging at his red-orange knitted long-sleeve. He paired it with blue jeans that flared at the bottom with white sneakers. His fingers were covered in beautiful silver rings, making his hands look quite gorgeous.
“Thank you, shall we?”
“Yeah, oh, I got you something.” You reached into your bag to take out the cased CD, and before Harry was about to protest, you handed it to him. “I made you this mixtape. Just some songs that I think you’ll like—I’m sure you know all of them, but they just made me think of you,” you said shyly.
You weren’t normally shy and you would call yourself a pretty strong and confident person, but you had been so nervous to give this to him—even making the tape left you anxious and shaking.
“Wow, this is…very thoughtful of you. Thank you so much.” Harry looked at the CD with the songs written in your handwriting. There were 10 songs, and Harry knew all of them. They were all…romantic songs.
“That’s not weird, right? Y’know, making you a mixtape?” You asked unsurely. The odd feeling had popped into your mind at the last second as you watched Harry observe the CD, not giving a bad nor good reaction to your gift.
“No, not at all! I really appreciate this. No one has ever made a mixtape for me before, so this is really nice and special. Thank you again.” He reached forward, wrapping one arm around your shoulders as both of your arms found their way around his waist. You somewhat weren’t convinced that he liked it, and he could tell just by how you were looking at him--looking for some more reassurance--that it seemed like he didn’t like it. When he pulled away, he looked at you before saying, “Really, it makes me happy that you took the time to make this for me. It’s so sweet and thoughtful of you, and I already love all the songs on here, so I’m one-hundred-percent going to enjoy this.”
You nodded, smiling softly as he opened the door for you and you thanked him, blushing as you got in. It seemed very much like a date and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of that.
Harry drove to the sandwich shop that waited for you both. It was twenty minutes away on the other side of the town, but Harry had been raving about it so much to you that you told him that you two should go, which Harry was more than happy to take you.
The sound of Boyz II Men filled the speakers of Harry’s car as the two of you sang your hearts out to ‘On Bended Knees,’ putting full emotion and passion into singing. You held up your water bottle, pretending that it was a microphone, and Harry kept shifting his gaze on you, trying to keep his eyes on the road, but also wanting to look at you as you sang. He smiled to himself, absolutely loving how you were so carefree--something that he admired about you.
His heart fluttered, curling his lips into his mouth before he did something that was quite bold of him to do. Reaching over, he grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers together. Your body was frozen, but you continued to sing, covering up the fact that Harry was holding your hand so casually. You were stiff as a board, so you tried loosening up, swaying your body from side to side, slightly averting your eyes towards him as he continued to drive.
The moonlight cast through the car window, giving him a dim glow, accentuating his features; jawline prominent, his lashes shadowed down onto his cheeks, and his eyes were calm; the light reflecting against his glassy green eyes. Your heartbeat a million miles a minute as you looked at him. You had this appreciation and admiration for him--that you were lucky and grateful that you have him and that there was nothing more beautiful than the man sitting beside you.
With your face on fire, you smiled as you carried on, singing with the warmth of Harry’s hand connected with yours.
You were sitting across Harry, munching on your sandwich as you listened to him talk about how he wanted to actually find a job. He’s been sitting around, living quite wealthy as his inheritance sat safely. But he’d been getting bored. Every day was a routine for him and it was a pretty boring routine, he would say. The only places he really went to were the gym and the places that the two of you went together, but that was it. He needed a hobby, something that he could escape to that doesn’t require breaking a sweat from punching bags and mitts.
“You said you like books, so maybe you could see if the bookstore down the street from the gym is hiring. That would be a nice little place to work at,” you suggested.
Harry’s eyes lightened up, apart from thinking that was a great idea and the other part from being surprised that you remembered such a small detail about him when he’d talked about books briefly with you.
“I should definitely do that, thank you. I love that bookstore, it’s-”
“Y/N?” Harry was interrupted by a man who had walked over to your table. Harry looked up, observing the guy as he was looking at you so intently. He quickly looked at you as you were looking up at the man with a shocked expression on your face, wide eyes and mouth slightly opened.
“Uh, hi,” you said, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Your eyes glanced at Harry and he had a worried expression on his face, eyes asking if you were okay. You nodded softly, bringing your attention back to him.
“I-I’ve been calling the gym and paging you, but you haven’t been answering any of them…” the man mentioned slyly. You were quite speechless, not expecting him to be here and not knowing what to say.
“I, uh-”
“Can we talk right now?” He asked. You were flickering your eyes between Harry, someone that you were completely infatuated with, and the man that you were completely irritated with. But if you didn’t talk to him right now, he wouldn’t leave you alone and wouldn’t stop calling you, so you made the mistake of saying a soft ‘okay’ as you got up, looking over at Harry, giving a subtle smile.
Just by the way he was looking at you, you knew you had regretted your decision and you wished that you hadn’t given in so easily.
Once you were outside, you crossed your arms, in a way to seem reserved and closed off, but in reality, you really were. The uncomfortableness you felt was something you haven’t felt in a while as it felt like your stomach was boiling as bile salivated your mouth. Your fists were hidden underneath your arms, clenching, and your lips were curled into your mouth to immediately spew inappropriate sayings and vile remarks.
“What do you want to talk about?” You asked, brows pinched together.
“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for quite a while now, but I just wanted to talk. I hate how we ended things…” he said remorsefully. You tried not to fall for the pouty look he was giving you as if he knew quite well you would fall for it.
“It’s been six months, Max,” you reminded him. You and Max had an ugly breakup, and you had been picking up your own pieces yourself. You two had been together for nearly a year until he started to act differently. Noticing that he was going home late, staying at the bars until the early hours of the morning, and being quite rude and dismissive towards you, it ended in a screaming match where he ended up spitting out rude comments at you--calling you ugly, useless, and boring. It also caused him to confess that he was cheating on you for half the time you were together with him, and you thought that was a lie he made up just to make you angry, but a month after the breakup, you had found out that was true because you had accidentally bumped into the girl he was cheating on you with. At the time, you couldn’t blame him because the girl was absolutely gorgeous and seemed a lot of fun, but now, you know your worth and you absolutely didn’t deserve that whatsoever.
For six months, you hadn’t seen him, but he had been leaving you countless calls to the gym phone. However, Max wouldn’t dare to step foot in the gym ever again because Don had clearly threatened him when he saw Max on the street, pinning him up against the brick wall by his shirt and yelling in his face that if he ever came close to you or the gym ever again, he wouldn’t see the end of the day.
Don would’ve lost his shit if he saw Max in front of you.
“This is pointless. I was fine living my life for the past six months without you. In fact, I haven’t even thought about you until you showed up. Couldn’t you see I was doing just fine? Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Your tone was scornful, not wanting to be in front of him anymore but instead the lovely man inside.
“I just assumed you wanted some sort of closure…”
“If I wanted closure, then I would’ve called you. But I don’t need closure. I was doing okay-”
“With who? That man inside the restaurant?” He interrupted, brows raised. His demeanour suddenly changed just because you had given him the slightest bit of attitude. Max went from soft, wanting forgiveness to the Max that you saw last--completely offensive, rude, and a dickhead.
“Yeah, his name is Harry, by the way. I was doing okay until you showed up!” You rolled your eyes, making your way back inside to Harry, who was waiting for you inside.
Of course, Max wasn’t done until he got the last word, so he yelled out, “You know, whatever you’re doing with him, he’s gonna leave you; just like how I left you.” You slowly turned around, heart aching as his words had definitely done something this time. “You think Harry cares about you Y/N? Think again, he’s gonna leave you and you’re gonna be alone. You’re nothing, Y/N--not without me, at least. You aren’t worth anything, and you had to take over your dad’s gym to feel like you are. Stop fooling yourself.”
Your eyes watered, trying your hardest not to let them slip from your eyes. You had already felt weak tearing up in front of him, so you couldn’t imagine what he would think if you bawled your eyes out. Suddenly, you heard the bell above the restaurant door chime. You didn’t bother turning around, but you somehow knew that it was Harry who was behind you.
“Everything alright here?” Harry asked warily, eyes pointed towards you.
“Yeah, man. See you, Y/N.” With that, he walked away, hopefully for good. Harry knew everything wasn’t alright with how you’re ready to burst into tears. As much as he wanted to follow him, force an answer out of him as to why you were in such distress, he was more worried about you.
Standing in front of you, Harry placed an arm on your shoulder, his other hand held the brown paper bag that had both of your leftovers as he didn’t want to eat without you. Your body was tense, not because of Harry’s touch but because of the words that had taken such an effect on you, and you were doing everything to not break down in the middle of the sidewalk.
“Hey, you okay?” Harry asked softly, bending down slightly to look you in the eyes. Your eyes were pointed down at the ground, thinking that if you looked Harry in the eyes, you were going to break.
“Uh, c-can you take me to the gym, please?” You asked once you fully gained the courage to speak, but your voice was shaky.
Harry immediately nodded. “Yeah, yeah, of course. Let’s go.” He put his arm around your shoulders and you comfortably nuzzled into his side as he guided you to his car.
The drive back was silent—the complete opposite from the drive to the restaurant. Instead of happiness radiating out of your bodies, the space felt gloomy. Harry’s mind had spiraled as he drove, thinking about what that man could have possibly said to you. He was torn between wanting to be angry, but he was more concerned for you because you had never been this silent before.
Once Harry was in front of the gym, you immediately got out before he was able to turn off the car. Using your keys, you unlocked the front door, turning off the alarm system before throwing your purse, not caring where it landed and rushed towards the heavy bags.
This was where you let all your anger out. The place where you screamed at the top of your lungs with no care on who might hear you. This was your safe space, and if someone was going to judge you for utilizing your safe space, then they didn’t belong there.
You screamed, punched, and kicked the heavy bag with full force as your tears had streamed down your face. Your heart was beating painfully with every scream you forced out of your body. Your punches were solid, making the bag swing back and forth, but your knuckles were starting to redden because you didn’t wrap your hands.
Harry quickly followed you, a frown plastered on his face as he watched you let your anger out all on the heavy bag. He let you do your thing, watching from the sidelines before he waited for the right moment to cut in.
“You. Fucking. Stupid. Piece. Of. Shit,” you yelled out with every punch. You sniffled, continuing to punch the bag, eyes glossy from your endless amount of tears.
The friction from the leather and your bare skin was rubbing against each other, cutting and peeling open your skin. Your hands had numbed the pain, so you carried on with your punches until Harry had wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest and away from the heavy bag once he started to see redness and blood scattered onto your knuckles. You screamed, your body protesting, wanting to continue punching, but you knew you didn’t have any more energy.
Turning around in his arms, your face was met with his chest, sobbing into his shirt. Harry’s hands soothed your back, comforting you as his heart ached from the sadness you radiated. Your bloody hands clutched his shirt as you cried, tears staining his shirt. Your whines and whimpers filled the empty gym, echoing back at you.
Everything hurt—your heart, eyes, body, and your hands were now starting to sting. Harry held you tighter, carefully taking a seat onto the ground and bringing you down with him. You sat in between his legs and your head rested on his shoulder.
After a moment, he felt you calm down and your body physically relaxed. Mindlessly, his hand brushed your hair back from your forehead, pressing a kiss to your skin. Harry hadn’t realized he did that until he pulled away and he hoped he hadn’t crossed a line by doing that. But when he kissed your forehead, you pulled him closer, burying your face into his neck.
“Talk to me—tell me what you need, angel,” he said softly, wanting to help and be there for you. The nickname had completely slipped out as he’d been calling you that in his head. He’d never seen you break down at all, so this was very new to him.
You shook your head, nickname going over your head. “Nothing. Just you.”
Harry nodded his head, heart fluttering at your words as he held you tighter. He continued to soothe your hair and back as he heard you sigh deeply at the comfort. Looking down at your hands, he realized they were still bloody and cut up, and he knew that your cuts needed to be treated as soon as possible.
“Can I take care of your hands? I’m still gonna be close, just wanna bandage you up.” You sniffled, nodding your head. Harry slightly smiled, carefully getting up before helping you up. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder, first asking you where the first aid kit was, and you two walked to one of the offices to get the kit before going to the restroom. “Wanna sit?” He asked, patting the cold counter. Nodding your head, you placed your hands on the counter, but he quickly stopped you, taking off his jacket for you to sit on.
“Thank you,” you softly said to him gratefully before jumping to sit on the counter.
Harry opened the box that contained multiple and different types of bandages, an instant cold pack, thermometer, antiseptic wipes, and scissors. Harry washed his hands well before grabbing the antiseptic wipe and ripping it open. He situated himself between your legs, gently grabbing your hand to rest on his. He looked up at you, first asking you if it was okay to start, and when you said yes, he slowly and carefully started to wipe the area around the cut.
You watched him as he cleaned your cuts; he was so focused on wiping the blood that stained your skin and was careful not to press too hard because you were starting to bruise already. As you watched him, you felt immensely grateful. It’d been a while since you had a true friend that would help you with anything and take care of you. Your feelings for him had skyrocketed, heart pounding so loud you could feel it in your ears.
“The guy at the restaurant was my ex-boyfriend, Max,” you suddenly said. Harry looked up at you to let you know that he was listening as he continued to clean your hands. “It was a bit of a messy breakup; he called me names, insulted me, and confessed that he was cheating on me. When I saw him at the restaurant, that was the first time since the breakup, and it was like I relived that day again.”
“Did he say anything to you?” Harry asked, holding back his anger because he knew the answer, Harry watched through the window the entire time and noticed your posture and demeanor change, causing Harry to quickly pay and rush outside just in case anything happened.
“Y-Yeah.” Your voice croaked. “Said I didn’t amount to anything—that I wasn’t anything without him-”
“That’s bullshit, Y/N-”
“I’m so mad at myself.” Tears were forming in your eyes again as you looked down at your lap. Redness brimmed your eyelids as you sniffled.
“What? Why?” Harry asked confusingly.
You shook your head at yourself. “For years, I’ve been training—learning how to defend myself for when I need it. I was raised to have a strong mindset, to not take shit from anyone because Don told me not to. But when he came around, I didn't say a word, let alone move a muscle. I hate how he made me weak. I hate how I didn’t stand up for myself.” Your voice was shaky and your tears streamed down your face as you paused for a moment. “He told me that you were gonna leave me just like everyone else in my life did,” you added.
Harry was seething, breathing in through his nose as his face hardened. He masked his anger because his priority was to comfort you, so he tried to let go of his anger for a moment.
“Listen to me.” He placed his hands on the outside of your legs, bending down to look you in the eyes. Your glossy eyes looked at him, a small pout on your face. “You’re the strongest person I know, alright, angel?” This time, you heard the pet name loud and clear, making your heart do backflips. “You didn’t let him walk all over you, no, you’re much more mature than him to ever start something. He wanted to see you angry, and frustrated. He wanted to add fuel to the fire, and you didn’t give him the satisfaction. You aren’t weak at all. You’ve got a strong heart, and I’m sure that punch of yours to his nose would damage it for good.”
You breathed out a chuckle at his last statement, nodding, knowing he was right. Harry smiled, dimples showing proudly as he wiped the tears that were falling from your eyes. Giving him a half-smile, you leaned forward, pressing your face against his collarbones. He stood up straight to wrap his arms around your back. You daringly placed a kiss onto the exposed skin that was peeking out from his shirt. Harry’s face warmed up at the touch that was so soft and delicate, yet felt like it was burning through his skin. You pulled away, looking up at him as you thanked him.
Your eyes darted between his eyes and his lips as your face was just inches away from him. His face was delicate and his beauty shined over the darkness of the world. It was as if he didn’t seem real like you couldn’t believe someone so beautiful and breathtaking was standing right in front of you. You studied every curve, movement, and freckle on his face as they all very well defined him, heightening your admiration with every look of his perfections and imperfections.
Harry blushed under your stare, clearing his throat as he felt nervous. He pulled his face away a tad bit, offering you a small smile. “Of course. Always gonna be here for you. Now, let me just finish cleaning your hands before taking you home.”
You nodded, letting him finish with his task. His hands were gentle as he wrapped the bandage around your hand. Your heart was filled with so much admiration and gratitude that you simply wouldn’t know what to do if Harry weren’t there today. The growing feelings had taken over your heart and mind that you were a bit scared, but nonetheless, you let them take over.
Harry sat at the bar next to Benny, nursing a beer he had ordered ten minutes ago. It had been a while since they hung out together, but that was because Benny was trying to get his wife pregnant, so when Marianne calls, they spent their time baby-making. The other reason was that Harry was spending most of his time with you, which he loved every minute of.
“So, a little bird told me that you’ve been going to the gym on Saturdays now,” Benny mentioned, a hint of tease in his tone.
Harry chuckled. “Really? And who told you that?” He asked, taking a sip of his beer.
“Starts with a D and ends with an N,” Benny laughed, giving you the obvious answer.
“Well, I’ve been going in on Saturdays because Don always schedules our training sessions on Saturdays. Nothing else,” he slightly lied. After his first training day with Don, Harry told Don that he wanted to continue training with him because he gets a good workout with him rather than by himself, hitting the heavy bag or speed bag, so Don always scheduled for Saturdays since those were the easiest days.
But other than the training sessions, he also got to see you on Saturdays, which he really enjoyed because sometimes after his workout, you two would grab a bite to eat or plan to hang out later that day. He liked it, he liked you.
“Hmm, interesting. It doesn’t have to do with a particular trainer who also happens to own the gym?” Benny raised his brows.
“Not really into Don, to be honest,” Harry joked, bouncing around Benny’s question. They both laughed, slamming their hand on the bar top.
“Really, though. I’m happy for you. You’ve been in such a happier mood, and that’s all I want—is for you to be happy. She’s doing a great job,” Benny said honestly. Seeing his friend happy after everything he’s been through had lifted a certain weight off of his shoulders, and it seemed like he didn’t need to worry about Harry.
Harry simply nodded, smiling as words weren’t necessary. He always felt like Benny was always concerned about him, and although he appreciated him being worried, he didn’t need to anymore because Harry was finally feeling much happier than he was before.
“There you are.” A voice was suddenly heard next to Harry along with a hand on his shoulder. Harry tensed up, and he hadn’t in a while, but he knew that wasn’t your voice nor was it your touch. Harry turned his head to the side to find Lizette sitting on the stool next to him, giving him a smug smile. He didn’t say anything but look at Benny, and saw his eyes narrow, confused as to why Lizette was here. “I’ve been calling your home and paging you. Why haven’t you been answering me?” She pouted.
Harry knew that pout all too well. She used it to trick you into saying yes to her and getting what she wanted, but Harry was stronger than that now; he knew how to hold his ground.
He hadn’t seen Lizette ever since the week before he joined Don’s Box. With all of his time spent with you, he hadn’t really thought about Lizette, if he’s being honest. You had fully taken every inch and space of his mind that it was maximum capacity, but he still found a way to make space from the invading thoughts of you.
“Just been…busy, Lizette, that’s all,” he said, not giving her his full attention as he looked at his bottle.
“Too busy for me?”
“Yeah, something like that.” He didn’t want to outright be rude to her because naturally, Harry was a kind and thoughtful man, so he kept his harsh thoughts to himself.
She inched closer to Harry, close enough to where her mouth was against his ear as she whispered, “Well, since I so happened to run into you, how about we go back to yours?”
Harry took a deep breath. He felt like he was his old self again—making impulsive and not so thought out decisions that end up fucking him and his emotions over in the future. Being with Lizette was something, and it helped make him feel a little less lonely, even though she immediately left right after she got what she wanted.
But Harry hadn’t felt lonely at the moment and in months. He had his best friend next to him, having a drink, and he had you. He wasn’t lonely at all. So, why was he getting off the stool and putting his coat on before closing his tab for the night?
Benny’s eyes widened, looking at Harry as if he was asking what the actual fuck was he doing. Harry simply shrugged, patting his friend on the back before following Lizette out of the bar. The air was cold, but it wasn’t a delightful cold that he wanted to be in. It almost seemed kind of eerie as the gray clouds hovered over them.
Lizette hugged Harry’s arm. “I’m glad you agreed.” She leaned up to kiss his cheek, but he immediately pulled away, taking his arm out of her hold.
“You should go home,” he told her. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out as she was confused. “Get a ride home. I’m not taking you home nor am I going with you. I don’t want to do this anymore, Lizette.”
“But you came with me-”
“That didn’t mean I was saying yes to your offer. I came out here with you to get you off of me and not embarrass me in front of my friend and the entire bar.” Harry’s voice was stern as he crossed his arms. “I know you’ve never really cared about me, so please just do me a favor and leave. I’m happier now-”
“You’re happier? With some other girl, huh?” Harry nodded and Lizette rolled her eyes, expression annoyed as she was beginning to get angry and defensive. “You think she cares? Guess what, Harry, she doesn’t. She’s gonna leave you just like your mom left you, your ex-girlfriend left you. Remember when she fucked your best friend in college? That she left you to be with him? And look at them now, they’re married! They don’t give a single fuck about you! What makes you think that this girl you’re seeing does?”
Lizette had definitely hit a nerve. Harry had gone four years without hearing the story on how his ex left him for one of his friends from uni. The situation was quite sad, and it left Harry in pieces. Not to mention, Lizette was his ex’s best friend and she somehow seduced him into regularly having sex with her, which wasn’t entirely her fault because Harry was lonely and needed to feel something to fill the void of his loneliness.
“Don’t think you’re so easy to love, Harry. It takes a lot of effort to do that, especially with you. You’re gonna continue being scared and closed off, and people are gonna continue to run away-”
“Harry?” Lizette was suddenly interrupted by you. You were walking to the bar because Benny had invited you, thinking that it would’ve been a nice surprise for Harry and to hang out with just the three of you. But you had seen Harry and some woman on the street and his face looked angry. “Uh, hi.”
You turned towards the unknown woman as she looked you up and down before turning towards Harry, raising her brows as she figured out who you were and who Harry had been spending so much time with.
Harry completely blocked you out, his attention was towards the statements Lizette had made. He had been doing so much better, and all of a sudden the relapse hit him ten times harder, like his accomplishment of being okay with himself completely disappeared.
Was he that hard to love? He knew that he pushed people away, that’s for sure, but he didn’t realize that it was difficult to love him. Harry then thought about the people that had left him because they didn’t love him enough to stay. His ex left him for his friend, it seemed like his mum had forgotten about him, and soon enough, Benny was gonna get tired of him and so were you.
“And you are?” You asked, scowling at the woman in front of you. Lizette smirked, seeing as there was an opportunity right in front of her. She didn’t find you
intimidating whatsoever.
“Oh, guess Harry didn’t tell you, but we’ve been sleeping with each other for years. Friends with benefits, if you will,” Lizette answered with some sass and a snarl to her tone as she watched your expression turn into a hurtful one.
Your face had softened as your eyes welled up with tears, but you didn’t dare let them fall. You looked at Harry and it seemed like he was in his head, but you had no clue he was ‘seeing someone.’ It felt like you had been cheated on, even though going out as friends didn’t mean anything to a fuck buddy. All of the moments you spent with him—the laughs, storytelling, training, and tension-filled moments had connected you both to one another. It made you feel special that you were seeing a side of Harry that no one else had, but you were wrong.
“Guess you’re the new girl he’s seeing?”
“What’s it to you?” Your brows knitted.
Lizette shrugged. “Nothing. Just know that Harry’s difficult and loveless. So, just get out while you can.” She reached over to touch your shoulder, but you quickly stepped back before she could. She was talking as if Harry wasn’t right next to you two, and if this was a ‘women looking out for women’ type of situation, you weren’t going to accept it because she outright just insulted Harry.
You were livid as your eyes turned dark, stepping closer to her. “Stay away from him, or I swear to god-”
“Or what? What are you gonna do?” Lizette challenged, stepping closer. She was slightly taller than you since she wore four-inch leather boots.
“Wanna find out? Next time I see you with him or hear you talk shit about him again, then you’ll find out because I can guarantee you’ll never see the light of day.” You held eye contact with her as she looked at you with such fierce emotion.
“Cute. Harry’s got a little bodyguard,” she scoffed, stepping back. “I should go,” Lizette suddenly said, breaking you out of your heartbreaking thoughts. “I’ll call you,” she told Harry, despite what you had just said. It seemed like he wasn’t even listening as his blank stare was trained onto the ground. She walked away, her heels clicking against the cement. The satisfaction she felt right now felt good, knowing her words had definitely affected you both.
When Lizette was far enough, you turned back towards Harry. This time, he was looking at you in a confused state, and it didn’t seem like him.
“I-I didn’t know you were seeing someone-”
“You should go…” he said straightforwardly. You raised your brows as you were taken back.
“I’m sorry?”
“You should leave. For good. Get out of my life while you can. I promise I won’t get mad.” His voice cracked and was shaky. He couldn’t even look you in the eye while he was talking because he knew that would break his heart even more, especially if you were to actually leave for good. The negative thoughts had taken over, and this was what he did—pushing people away and giving them a way out before they realized that Harry wasn’t a lovable or worthy enough person to stay around for.
“What makes you think I’m going anywhere?” You questioned confusingly. You wondered if he even thought about the conversation you two had a few moments ago when you had told him that you were staying for good.
“They all do, anyway. They all leave and they never come back.” His voice was starting to raise slightly, frustration and anger pouring out of his veins as his eyes were starting to tear up. A pout remained on your face as you watched the distress never leave his angelic face. “Just please go.”
“I’m not going anywhere-”
“Why won’t you-”
“Because I care! Why don’t you get that?” You raised your voice, not too loud to startle him, but enough to convey your emotions and frustrations to him.
“Because you’re going to eventually! You’re gonna leave and use me and never love me. I’m used to it, so you could go now!” Harry was starting to cry, light sobs were coming out of his mouth as he was trying to hold them back. You took a step forward, wanting to comfort him as your heart broke at the sight, but he stepped back, not wanting your touch.
Your heart sank when he stepped back away from you because he had never done that before. You two were always comfortable with one another that both of your touches had felt like security. Your tears had streamed down your face, quickly wiping them.
“Harry, I’m not gonna leave…”
“It’s fine. You don’t know what it’s like for someone to leave and never come back. You don’t know what it’s like to feel completely loveless that someone physically had to get out of your life and not want to be in it anymore. You don’t know what it’s like!” He spoke firmly as he cried, tugging his curly locks in frustration.
“I don’t know what it’s like?” You spoke loudly, and Harry looked up at you. “I know exactly what it’s like because my own mother left me when I was eleven-years-old, and I have no idea why!” You vented, sniffling. “You don’t think I know what it’s like to constantly wonder what you’re doing wrong because the people that were supposed to be there for you completely vanished? Because I do! I know that feeling quite well. So, don’t tell me I don’t know shit because it seems like we’re in the same boat.”
Harry was speechless. Sure, you two had been close and had talked about your lives and childhood, but this was something that you two had to dig deep for because it wasn’t something you regularly spoke about nor did you tell new people that you’d just met.
“I-I’m sorry I had no idea…”
“You couldn’t have had any idea, Harry. But just know that that day my mom left me still confuses me. The look on my dad’s face when he told me that mom left still haunts me. The crying I did since I was eleven hurts me because she didn’t love me enough to stay.”
“Y/N…”
“It’s fine, I get it. I know we’ve known each other for only a few months, but I did not expect this from you, especially because of all that we’d talked about. I’d say I’m the newest person in your life but I’m also the closest, besides Benny. So, don’t shut me out.” Your heart was beating through your chest and all of your emotions began to pile up like they were leaves, falling from the branches of the trees.
Harry looked defeated, knowing that you were right. He sniffled, not knowing what else to say because all he felt was a painful feeling in his chest since Lizette had gone up to him at the bar.
When he didn’t say anything, you just nodded, knowing that it was best to give him some space so he could realize that you were here for him and that you weren’t going anywhere.
“Call me when you wanna talk…” you told him before turning around. Harry watched you—he knew that he should go after you, not be scared and let you in, perhaps tell you that he’s practically in love with you, but he doesn’t move, feet glued to the ground.
When you were only a few feet away, you turned back around, knowing that you hadn’t gotten your final words out yet. Harry looked up when he heard footsteps approaching him.
“Fuck whatever people say to you; trying to degrade and bring you down because whatever they say, it’s not true. I will always be there to defend you, Harry. Don’t think I won’t be because I will always be on your side.” You paused for a moment. Your heart was fully opening and was beginning to be vulnerable. Trying not to let it overwhelm you, you continued. “Don’t think you’re not easy to love because you are. You’re extremely easy to love, y’know that? I would know because…I love you. And that’s crazy to say because we’ve only known each other for a short period of time, but I can’t help what I feel. So, there you go.”
Before Harry was able to say anything, you walked away, and he could hear you sniffling and crying. Harry’s mouth was ajar, completely speechless and shocked, but his heart fluttered as he took in your words. You really loved him, he thought. No one had said those words and really meant them or they hadn’t felt real to him when he heard them, so the shock that he felt was new.
You were far enough where Harry couldn’t see you. He hadn’t even moved an inch, and he knew that later on, he was going to be very disappointed in himself for not chasing you down and telling you that he loved you too. But for now, he needed to take it all in and hope that when he did tell you, it wouldn’t be too late.
Taking a deep breath, you walked inside to your apartment, sniffling as you went straight to the bathroom to take a long and hot shower. Before you left your place to go to the bar, you had been contemplating your appearance because you wanted to look good. Nerves were all over your body as you were getting ready, and you sulked at how the events had completely turned tonight around.
When you were out of the shower and changed, ready to get into bed despite the night only being nine in the evening, your pager beeped. Picking it up off the bedside table, the message was sent from Harry, reading ‘143.’ You raised your brows, reading it again and reading it once more. Your heart was pounding, studying the numbers to make sure you read them right. The simple code for ‘I love you’ was printed on your pager and you wanted to scream.
Before you could actually scream, there was a knock on your door. You walked quickly, opening it as Harry was standing behind it, holding his pager out as he smiled softly at you. You had just finished crying in the shower, so your eyes were red and a tad bit swollen, but you were close to crying again because of how overwhelmed you felt.
“Did you mean it?” You asked hesitantly, holding your pager up.
“Of course I do. Did you mean it?” He retaliated back, wondering if you meant your three words as well.
“Of course I mean it, Harry. Why wouldn’t I?” You asked, wiping the tear that had slipped down your face.
“Because I love you. I love you so fuckin’ much that it hurts,” he claimed in one breath, feeling the tension and weight that he held in his shoulders release. “You’re everything to me, and you make my world less frightening. I just see your pretty smile and my day completely turns into a great one. I don’t wanna waste a day not telling you that now, and it feels pretty damn good to say it.”
You slightly nodded until you remembered one of your concerns earlier. “What about Lizette?”
“Lizette was someone I used to sleep with. I haven’t seen her nor slept with her in months—before I even met you, I promise. And I’m sorry for assuming that you didn’t know what it felt like for someone to leave and that you had to tell me under those circumstances. But just know, that I’m not gonna leave, unless you tell me to, that is.” Every bit of him was opening up and he wasn’t hiding away. He was being completely vulnerable and it had scared him a bit, but when his words came out, he felt himself get better.
You looked at him through your glassy eyes, vision blurred for a moment until you adjusted them and clearly saw the gorgeous man in front of you. His eyes were filled with tears as well, and you thought, how could someone still look so pretty while they cried? But that was Harry for you; someone who was genuinely beautiful no matter what. Someone who had a heart of gold and a flashing smile that made your heart swoon and knees weak.
You simply reached your hand out and Harry walked towards you, into your apartment as he came close to your face as your bodies were pressed up against one another. The back of his fingertips gently brushed the side of your face, admiring the beauty that stood before him as he opened his heart up completely, not wanting to go another day without saying those three words back to you.
The corners of your lips turned up and your tears were replaced by happy ones. You had walked away from Harry after you said I love you because he was looking at you like he had seen a ghost, not a friendly one, but more of a scary one. So, hearing those words were just music to your ears.
“You mean that? That you love me?” You wanted to hear it again and again and again.
“Ever word. I love you, angel,” he repeated, adding your nickname. He pressed his forehead against yours, inches away from your lips.
“Never stop calling me that,” you instructed him, smiling. The first time he had said it, you came to the conclusion that you absolutely loved hearing that name come out of his mouth, especially if it was specifically for you.
“Only if you never stop telling me that you love me,” he slightly smirked, dimples poking out. He was so immensely happy that his heart could burst just because of the love that he felt for you.
You giggled. “I love you, baby-”
“I, uh, wait. Do you mind…not calling me that?” He hesitated, and you raised your brows confused. “Someone else called me that, and I just don’t like hearing it. Never have since it came out of her mouth,” he explained shyly.
A sudden realization came to your face as you realized that Lizette probably called him that. “Okay. I won’t call you that, ever…darling.” Harry’s lips began to slowly turn up, already liking that name so much better than the other one. He hugged you; and you smiled, closing and opening your eyes to make sure you weren’t dreaming. Your arms snaked around Harry’s waist as he cradled your delicate face in his hands.
“Never stop calling me that,” he repeated your words as you two smiled and laughed until your jaws started hurting.
His eyes flickered down to your lips and back up to your eyes. You pursed your lips, blushing as you watched his eyes glance back up and down. You rubbed the tip of your nose against his, pulling him closer; hearts beating in sync as butterflies filled your stomach.
He brushed his lips against yours before fully connecting them, feeling every spark and shiver that traveled down his spine. You smiled into the kiss as the softness of his lips moved and molded against yours, feeling completely in bliss. The way his lips slotted perfectly with yours made you saturated and dizzy off of his love and touch. Butterflies were still in your stomach, but they were calm like they had been fluttering around for this moment, his touch, in order to relax.
Pulling back, he smiled down at you, eyes love-struck, before giving you another kiss, and pulling away and kissing you again once more.
“Kissing you is my new favorite thing,” he stated, drunk off kisses. You breathed out a giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck as you breathed in his scent. You felt his breath against your neck, feeling completely happy and content in each other’s arms.
There was no fear in the air; just the two of you with open hearts and arms, welcoming in the new and profound feeling that you both took in, knowing that it’s going to change everything for the better.
You pulled him inside and Harry kicked the door closed with his foot. His arms were holding you tight as you walked back to your bedroom. Opening your mouth slightly, Harry took the chance to meet your tongue with his, swiveling and tasting each other causing a shiver to run down your spine.
You pulled back when Harry laid down on the bed, taking in the gushy feeling you had as you smiled.
“Want you,” you simply stated.
“You have me, angel.”
“I know, but I want you. Need you,” your eyes pleaded for his touch, to feel him inside of you, for him to make you feel good. You desperately craved for his hands on all of you, his mouth kissing every inch of your skin, and his love passionately pouring out of his veins.
Harry nodded, smiling. “Need you too. Need you forever,” he said, connecting your lips again as he hovered over you.
You two kissed for a while, giggling against each other’s lips and having his weight on top of you as your hands roamed his back. You bucked your hips into his, feeling the hard-on that was growing in his pants, which made Harry grind into your center, moaning softly into your mouth.
“Please do something,” you said, and he nodded, getting off of you before taking his jacket and shirt off swiftly. His tattoos were showcased in front of you and all you wanted to do was kiss every single one of them. “You’re beautiful, Harry,” you complimented, and he blushed, a soft ‘thank you’ came out of his mouth. Next was his pants, and before he was able to take his briefs off, you stopped him, telling him that you wanted to do it.
You got off the bed, switching positions with him as you were now standing up as Harry laid down on the bed. You smiled, eyes glancing all around his body. He suddenly felt shy and intimidated under your stare, but he knew he had no reason to be because you were simply admiring him. This time around when it came to physically be vulnerable with someone, he knew he didn’t have to worry anymore when it came to you.
You took off your lilac nightgown, exposing your body to Harry’s eyes. Your nipples had hardened due to the exposure to the cold. His eyes glimmered as he gazed at your stunning and beautiful body. Every curve and inch was something he tried to remember, and he was quite speechless at the sight. He reached out, gently grabbing your hips as he roamed his hands up your body and to your breasts, grabbing both in each of his hands.
He looked up at you and you smiled down at him as he placed his mouth on your left pebbled nipple, sucking and licking it as his hand fondled with the other. You laced your fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp as he did so, switching over to your right nipple.
Harry pulled away, looking at you. “You’re an actual angel. You’re so beautiful.”
“Harry…” you blushed.
“You are, angel. So beautiful. Can’t believe I get to see you like this.” He kissed the valley of your breasts and down your stomach before getting up and pushing you down onto the bed with ease. He settled in between your legs, arms hooked under your thighs.
Continuing kissing down your stomach, he reached the hem of your underwear, looking up at you before asking, “Can I take these off? Wanna make you feel good—the same way you always make me feel good.”
“Please. Take them off. Wanna feel your mouth on me,” you pleaded as your arousal heightened. You wrapped your legs around his back, eagerly pulling his head towards your center, making Harry let out a chuckle.
“Easy, angel. Not going anywhere.” Harry kissed your stomach once more before pulling off your beige underwear. You were glistening below him; you made a complete mess in your panties. “Fuck, you’re so wet. This all for me?”
“Mhm. All for you, Harry, please,” you whispered impatiently. Harry’s dirty talk had only increased your need for him as it was quite surprising to see this side of him since he was more on the shy and reserved side outside, but nonetheless, you loved both sides—you loved him.
Harry leaned down, pressing multiple kisses to your inner thighs, nibbling on the skin gently. You bucked your hips as he trailed his kisses towards your pussy that was eagerly waiting to be touched and licked. When he got there, he pressed a kiss to your clit before kitten-licking your sensitive button, making you softly moan.
His tongue licked into the entrance of your pussy, gathering your arousal on the tip of his tongue to lubricate your clit even more.
“Fuck,” you groaned as your hands found his curly locks, tugging at them gently.
“You could do that harder, I don’t mind it,” Harry told you before going back to eating you out. You pulled harder and Harry deeply groaned against you, sending vibrations up your body.
His hands wandered around your body, feeling the softness of your skin against his hands. Your skin had formed goosebumps due to his touch, and Harry smoothed out your skin so you were warm. He sucked on your clit quite harshly, earning a moan of his name from your lips as he grabbed both of your tits in his hands, squeezing them.
You placed your hands on top of his, squeezing them with him, and Harry almost came at the sight of that. There you were, moaning his name out, getting your pussy eaten, and squeezing your tits on top of his hands. A sight he truly was lucky enough to see.
Harry pulled one hand away to rub your clit as he tongued around your wet hole before tongue fucking you. He rubbed your clit at a moderate speed, enough for you to thrust your hips off the bed. Harry pulled his other hand that was still on one of your breasts away to pin your hips down onto the bed.
“Stay still for me, angel,” he instructed, voice deep that made you even wetter. “You taste so good. Could eat you out all day.”
“Harry…” you trailed, whining desperately for your release. “W-Wanna…cum…need to.” Your sentences were broken and Harry thought that was a good sign, knowing that he was doing so well you couldn’t form a proper sentence.
“Tell me what you need. Let me know, so I can get you there.”
“F-Fingers,” you told him, and he immediately brought his fingers to your clit, rubbing it before inserting two fingers inside your pussy. He thrust slowly, curling his fingers up to feel your walls.
He felt you pulsing around him as your legs were wrapped tightly around his back as you screamed his name over and over again.
“C’mon, love. Give me one,” he encouraged, thrusting his fingers a bit faster.
Once he hit the spot over and over again, you saw stars. Your vision had gone white for a few seconds, and you felt dizzy. The pleasure that ran through your body was overwhelming in the best way possible and you choked out a few sobs. It had hit you like a brick that you saw coming, but you were still surprised and shocked by the impact.
Your hands held Harry’s hair tight that he thought for a moment that you might actually rip it off. Harry rubbed your pussy as you came down from your high, licking your orgasm that was seeping through your cunt, taking every drop of it. He looked up to see your head thrown back, chest heaving, and a vein that was bulging against your skin. He kissed your thighs while his other hand trailed across your body.
When you finally were able to catch your breath, Harry kissed up your body, leaving the softest and loving kisses to your skin as you were quite sensitive. You grabbed his face, bringing his lips to yours as you immediately stuck your tongue in his mouth, swirling it with his to taste yourself on him—a mixture of his taste and your orgasm all on his tongue had made you wetter.
Harry was grinding himself against your leg, trying to relieve some pressure.
“Want you,” you told him once he pulled away, looking at him intently.
“You sure?”
“Absolutely. Please? Only if you want to-”
“I definitely want to. Just wanna make sure you were sure,” he breathed out a chuckle.
“Course I want to.” There was a bit of silence between you two as you were simply just admiring him as he hovered over you. “Are you gonna fuck me, Harry?” You broke the silence, and Harry broke out of his trance, shyly giggling before getting off the bed.
He peeled away his briefs, cock standing straight up from the slight painful restraint. He was big—girth and length wise, and you felt your mouth salivating from just looking at him. He got back on the bed, in between your legs as he sat on his knees. Spitting on his hand, he grabbed a hold of his dick, stroking it to relieve the pressure. The view was beautiful in every single way possible, and you didn’t dare to bat an eye because you didn’t want to miss one second of it.
Wanting to take over for him, you reached forward, replacing his hand with yours as you slowly stroked his cock for him. Harry had a smug smile on his face but soon changed into a face of pure pleasure as your hand worked against him. His mouth was open as he let out a soft moan, looking down at your eyes as you were looking up, completely loving his reaction to your touch.
“You’re so pretty, Harry,” you complimented as you continued to touch him. Your other hand reached forward to fondle with his balls, rolling them into your hand as Harry whimpered. “Love seeing you like this. Most gorgeous man I’ve seen in my life.”
“Please, angel, you’re being too nice…” he managed to groan out, hands gripping your thighs.
“But it’s true. Look so pretty when you’re like this, but also when you’re hitting the heavy bags. When we go out to eat and you mindlessly drink your entire drink while waiting for the food. But I think you’ll look extra pretty than you already are if you cum.” Your words of declaration were getting him on the edge as you stroke him. The way your voice slightly changed as you looked up at him with the most innocent eyes made him thrust into your hand, gripping the flesh of your skin as he threw his head back.
“You think so?”
“Mhm. Gonna be so pretty when you cum all over my body, my tits. Can you do that? For me, can you do that? Please?” You were completely begging for it, but even with all the begging, he knew that you had all the control right now.
Your feet rubbed his calves up and down, and it was the simplest touch, but it heightened Harry’s need to let go.
“Wanna cum for you, yeah.” His breaths were heavy and harsh as your touch was focused on his tip, wrapping your delicate hands around the head where he was most sensitive.
Harry’s moans stuttered as a series of profanities slipped from his lips, spilling onto your stomach and breasts. You smiled to yourself as you studied his face when he came undone; his mouth was open, occasionally biting his lip, and eyes shut closed as his head was thrown back—he was the most beautiful person you’d ever seen, and the fact that you got to see him like this was an honor.
When he came down from his high, he slowly opened his eyes, meeting yours, staring right at him. You smirked, body covered in his orgasm, and he thought that was a picture worth taking. You were gorgeous covered in his pleasure that you caused, and you seemed to love it too since you made no effort to wipe it off.
Boldly, he leaned down, dragging his tongue from your stomach to your tit, spending the most time on your breasts as he nibbled and licked your nipples, collecting his orgasm from your skin and held it on the tip of his tongue until he reached your mouth. You willingly opened your mouth as his tongue delved right in, feeding you his cum.
You two passionately kissed, tasting him ever so sensually. You moaned into his mouth, thinking about how the sight of Harry licking his orgasm off of your body was the sexiest thing you’d ever seen. With your hips jerking up, you felt yourself getting wet again and in need to release once more.
You whimpered, pulling away. “Please. Need you so bad.” Harry nodded, agreeing.
“Condom?” He asked, and you immediately reached over to your bedside table, ripping open the condom before rolling it onto his dick that was still hard.
Harry curled in his lips, watching you. You gave him a few extra strokes for good measure, earning a soft moan from his mouth. He took his length in his hand, running the tip up and down your slit, collecting your arousal and lubricating his cock. He gave you one last look and you nodded before he slowly pushed in, indulging in your wetness and softness.
A moan came out of both of your mouths, feeling completely full and warm for one another with the stretch Harry had on you. He planted his elbows on both sides of you, holding himself up over you as he slowly began to thrust.
“Fuck,” he groaned. “Feel so good for me.” He placed a kiss on your lips as he whispered. He found a rhythm as he started to move faster, rocking his hips against yours, making you moan.
It was a feeling like no other, and it was the amount of love you two had for one another that made this experience much more special. Love was practically oozing out of both of your veins, filling the room to its maximum capacity as the both of you moaned out in pleasure.
You wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms looped around his back, hugging him closer to you as if he couldn’t get closer. You whined into his ear, the sounds of your pleasure were music to his eyes, sending a shiver down his body, making him jerk. But that jolt had hit your g-spot, and you screamed out in ecstasy.
“Right there. Keep doing that. Keep fucking me,” you managed to say. Harry maintained his pace, going deeper, and fucking you into oblivion as you kept crying and screaming his name out.
Harry’s lips attached to your neck, nibbling and licking your skin, leaving a few decent size love bites that he was sure to admire when they’d fully formed. Your nails had raked down his back, leaving a burning but pleasurable sting down his skin, letting him know that he was doing an amazing job.
“You like that?” He groaned into your ear, leaving chills rising onto your skin.
“Mhm. Just like that. Don’t stop. I-I’m so close.” You threw your head back into the pillows, and Harry took the opportunity to attack your exposed neck with kisses again. Your hands found Harry’s hair, tugging at his curls as he kissed you. That encouraged him to fuck you harder and faster, repeatedly hitting your special spot. “O-Oh…”
“Come on, angel love. Cum for me, please. Wanna see you make a mess around me,” he encouraged you.
With a few more thrusts, you were done. You had fully and completely released around him as your orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks. Your vision had gone white for a few seconds, head dizzy, and your breaths were caught in your throat as your hips involuntarily jolted, meeting his thrusts that were fucking you through your high.
Harry started to thrust sloppily, burying his face in your neck as he spilled into the condom. His hot breath was against your skin as he started to slow down, coming down from his orgasm.
The room was silent as the only sounds present were the heavy breaths and the post-orgasmic whimpers coming from your mouth as you two held one another. Your nails gently scratched down his back, contrasting to the desperate and needy scratches that you had given him just a few minutes ago.
Harry lifted his head up, meeting your eyes before connecting his lips against yours, tongue meeting first before your lips moved in sync so passionately and lovingly that you both unspokenly agreed to never taste another pair of lips again.
“I love you so much,” Harry said, resting his chin on your chest.
You smiled down at him, eyes gleaming as you looked at your love, your entire heart, the man that had stolen your breath and heart just by one look.
“And I love you too.”
Waking up to the warmth of the body next to you was your favorite thing in the morning—had been for six months now. The sight next to you was something you wouldn’t get used to as you always found yourself feeling so lucky every single time you woke up next to him.
But a pout formed onto your face when you saw that the space next to you was empty. The crinkled yellow sheets were left, missing a certain person that you had been excited to see this morning since you closed your eyes the night prior.
Turning over to your bedside table, you grabbed your pager, seeing if you had any messages, and one specifically stood out to you, making you sleepily smile at your pager.
“Goodmorning, angel,” Harry greeted as he stood in the doorway of your bedroom. He was wearing a gray sweatsuit, holding a white paper bag in one hand and a smoothie tray, that held two smoothies, in the other hand with a loving smile plastered on his face, making his dimples poke out.
“Mm. Hi, darling.” Your arms reached forward, gesturing him to come to you, and he gladly did, situating himself on your body as you wrapped your arms around him.
You two stayed like that for a moment, basking in the presence and gratitude of one another. It was nice until your stomach started growling, making Harry chuckle.
“C’mon, gotta feed my girl before we head to the gym.” He got off of you, helping you up and out of the bed before helping you make the bed. He walked over to the kitchen before you went to the restroom, and when you walked out, Harry had your breakfast set on a plate.
You two made light conversation, mostly enjoying the silence and tastiness of the food before you got ready to go to the gym.
When you walked into Don’s Box, you were immediately greeted by a few of the members, giving you high fives, as well as saying hi to Harry. The entire gym had found out you two were together when they started to notice Harry coming into the gym almost every day and staying until the gym closed, so a few people had their speculations. Don was certain you two would get together from the very beginning, and he had told you that the only reason he was trying to act intimidating when Harry first walked in was that he sensed that something would happen, and he was right, something did happen.
Benny was ecstatic; jokingly telling Harry that he could now spend time with his wife since you had taken all of Harry’s time now, which Benny earned a push from Harry towards the ropes of the ring. Benny’s wife was also pregnant and wanted Harry to be the godfather, which Harry immediately took on that responsibility and role. But that also meant since you and Harry were planning on staying together for the long run, you were becoming a godmother as well, which you were very excited about.
You climbed up into the ring as Harry followed. You had a day off, and no one needed your attention other than Harry, so you helped him put on his gloves after you wrapped his hands in tape, and you put on your mitts, making sure they were tight before clapping the mitts together—Harry punched his gloves together, making sure they were comfortable.
You raised your brows at him teasingly. “Ready, darling?”
“Ready as always, my angel,” he responded, and you smirked.
“Give me a good one. Give me 1.”
talk to me about your favorite moments, your thoughts and feelings about this pls! thank you for reading <3
#timetravelathon#harry styles smut#harry styles angst#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fluff#harry styles writing#harry styles one shot#harry styles imagine#harry styles au#harry styles x you#harry styles x reader#harry styles x yn#boyfriend!harry#boxer!harry#harry styles solo#harry#harry styles#harry styles story
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*pops in* hello!
How are you today?
Soo cause you have open requests.. ( and writes for Benn 👉👈) could I ask for Benn Beckman with fem reader. And Benn is impossibly busy few weeks (cause Shanks and the rest of the went batshit crazy once upon a time ) and he is taking care of the chaos and not spending proper alone time with the reader and she is sad, but understanding and tries to hide how much is hurts her and her captain finds out at makes sure Benn will spend some time with her?
It can be nsfw or sfw I really dont mind either..
Thank you so much! I really really enjoyied the event btw 😁
Take care!
A/N: Hello Ochizo love!!! doing well thank you for asking! Oh of course I can do this. Thank you so much I'm glad you enjoyed it, it was fun to do I'm looking forward to doing more!!! I hope you enjoy!Take care as well!
Benn Beckman x Fem reader: I'm here SFW
Sitting on the deck watching Benn giving the crew orders on what to do. He could never leave them unsupervised for one minute alone. "That goes there make sure it is not upside down those are perishables." his arms were cross his eyes follow the crew to make sure they were doing everything right. Maybe you just wanted his attention for a bit but he had duties because he was the right hand man for Shanks that came first. Its been so long since you and Benn have had some private time together. When he was done with the bullshit on the ship for the day he was exhausted at times falling asleep before you could even get a word to him. You didn't want to become one of those girlfriends to always nag or bug him on wanting to spend time together either.
Passing by Shanks as he tried to wave to get your attention but you kept going looking down on the deck floor. Seeing the sadden expression on your face. "oii ____________." he patted your head.
Waking you out of your sadden state " Yes captain." twirling around to see him.
"You feeling okay you don't seem to be your glowing ball of sunshine. Whats on your mind?" Your captain asked you. Shanks did care about each and everyone of his crew members. Since you were dating Benn his right hand man he wanted to mark sure you were alright you guys did form a bond, both can be very loud and crazy together keeping Benn on his toes.
"Its nothing just tired." putting up a fake smile.
"I know you better than that." Shanks scratching his goatee. He was thinking long and hard to see if he could find the issue without having it come out of your mouth.( shanks is a smart cookie okay ya'll) managing to figure it out. "go get some rest." patting your head once again giving a comforting smile.
Shanks seen you off to your room maybe he has been relying on Benn for a lot the past few weeks and he is barley noticing the effect on you. He did feeling guilty, Shanks began to Search for Benn who was still having the men move the cargo around. "Hey Benn." shanks said cooling tone.
"Hey captain." his eyes still watching the men work. "Did you need anything?"
"Nah I'm good just bumped into ______ down the hall. She was out of it." Shanks sighed. Catchings Benn's attention "when was the last time you both spent time together." he asked.
Benn thought about it . He was caught up in his work he failed to realized how you were doing. "Its been a while."
"Maybe you should go spend sometime with her. Plus you been a bit grouchy too maybe you need to relieve some stress." shanks giving him a shoulder squeeze. "I can take over."
You were in your room laying on your side facing the wall your legs slightly curled up. The door opened,"Strange to see you in bed already." hearing your boyfriends voice. You sat up looking at him as he closed the door, making his way to the bed.
"I thought you had work to do?" asking him. You knew he had work to do but he was here with you.
"Shanks is taking care of it for the meantime.I wanted to check on you."
"im fine really everyone needs to stop worrying." the same fake smiled
"I know when you're lying to me your nose grows." he lightly flicked your nose.
"Ouch." you covered your nose. "Benn I d...." he cut you off
"I want to apologize to you."
"You didn't do anything you don't need to apologize." you shook your head and waving your hands.
"I do... I got caught up in working and fix the shit show on the ship I neglected you for sometime. I'm sorry ______.."his hand was rubbing the top of your hand.
Taking a deep breath in then releasing it."You are forgiven." you smiled slightly.
"You know you do owe me an apologize as well for not coming to me sooner. I need you to come to me when your are feeling down or want my attention. Just so you know I wont turn you down.. You're my girl." his hand running through your hair.
"I"m sorry Benn. I will be more vocal the next time."
"Sorry just won't cut it this time." He crawled on his hands and knee towards you on the bed trapping you underneath him "I think we both been neglecting other needs that are important." on his knees he sat up slightly taking his shirt off throwing it on the floor then his came too you.
#op benn#benn beckman x reader#benn x reader#benn beckman#one piece x reader insert#one piece reader insert#one piece x reader#one piece#thatbadbruja#valerieswriting#request
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all at once
request? yes (anon)
pairing: idol!bang chan x reader
t/w: none
genre: fluff + very slight angst
word count: 2,913 (got a little carried away)
a/n: okkkkkk i’ve been out of this game for sooo long so im sorry if this isn’t the best but i tried! anyways, ending this was a little challenging but i hope it still ties everything nicely :) enjoy!
summary: seeing you again, he realized that somehow, the feelings he tried to escape once seemed to have returned slowly, but all at once and you failed to realize that their latest song was all about what he felt for you.
Last week, you had met a producer for a project and you had set up another meeting date to discuss future plans about your music. He kindly offered to meet up at his studio and you had no reason to decline which resulted in you meeting his eight other friends that you now so dearly felt attached to. But out of all of them, the one you bonded the most was Chan. He felt similar yet different. He talked about the deepest things and let himself bring comfort to your terrible days. You vented about the exhausting amount of stress that slowly tore through your resilient willpower to make it through as an artist. He comforted you through the days that made you regret where you were today and helped you bring out the emotions you kept all to yourself. He was someone that mattered a lot to you. A best friend anyone would be so lucky to have.
But things started going south.
You noticed the lack of attention he gave you and you thought that maybe, he was just busy and you tried to understand that. Yet as things went on, his lack of time became even more obvious. He would go out of his way to avoid you, not attend the meetings that involved you and from then, you saw him less and less. You tried calling him but the only response you would receive is his voice telling you to leave a voicemail. You asked the other boys if something had been bothering Chan but all the answer they could give you was that he was "busy". Bullshit. You didn't know what you had done wrong and that was enough to anger you. You wanted to apologize but he wouldn't even face you.
Nothing seemed right. If he was going through something, you wondered why he wouldn't even bother telling you. It wasn't until you bumped into him at a nearby coffee shop that you finally had a chance to talk to him.
"Chan!" You called out for the boy.
Almost jumping, he turned around to face you. His face almost mortified. "H-Hey."
"Can we talk?" You peeked under his hat, his eyes barely visible to you. "Please?"
You both sit at a table as the atmosphere filled with tension grew.
"What are you working on?" Your eyes glance at his laptop which he's been typing on ever since you had gotten there.
"Producing stuff." He answered, quickly but softly.
"Oh, for who?" You were beating around the bush, feeling slightly terrified of what he may say if you ask him what's been bothering you.
"No one yet. Just for future references."
"Chan-"
His eyes freeze at the screen.
"Are you mad at me?"
His eyes quickly shoot back at you, confused at first but realized that you might've felt that way with the way he's been acting around you. "What? No"
"Then why are you ignoring me?"
"I'm not ignoring yo-"
"Stop it. Stop lying." You look down, frustrated that none of your answers were answered. "It's been weeks Chan. We wouldn't have talked if I never bumped into you here."
"I'm just busy Y/N." His voice became softer, wanting to comfort you. He knew you felt frustrated but he did too.
"Could've you at least have told me that? So then maybe I wouldn't be spending days and nights thinking of what I did so wrong that you don't even bother to look for me." Your voice trembled. It wasn't the first time he'd seen you this vulnerable but it was definitely the first time that he was the reason you looked like that.
‘’I know, and I'm sorry. I-I really should've told you but with all the stress... I- don't know. I lost track y/n" You could hear the sincerity from his voice and although you were supposed to be mad at him at that moment, you couldn't help acknowledge his words. "And y/n, I really wasn't mad at you. I promise. It's just-
"Just what?"
"Nothing. I don't think it's the right time to tell you that right now."
"Why would it not be the right time? Are you leaving or something?"
"No- it's not that. I'll tell you soon, I promise."
You nod at his response, not knowing what to expect but somehow, his words eased you that truly, there was nothing to be worried about. You felt relieved that you now know that you had done nothing wrong.
The two of you parted ways shortly after he received a call from his manager. It was a short meeting but it meant a lot and very much answered the questions you've been wondering about.
A week after your last meeting, you decided to visit the studio to visit the boys. It was a spare time in your schedule so you decided to surprise them. You entered the studio and immediately counted the heads where you noticed that one of them was missing.
"Hi, guys." You greeted, lifting the box of chicken with both of your hands that you brought. They immediately ran to you, with incoherent thank yous and we missed yous.
"Where's Chan?" Your eyes continued to wander the room, wondering if he was somewhere you had just missed.
“Not here." the youngest said with Chicken occupying his mouth. "Why?"
"Well, I just thought he'd be with you guys."
"Studio. His studio." Jisung ran up to you, with chicken in his hands and offered it. "Eat with us, y/n."
You nicely declined as you had eaten prior to coming there. "Where's the studio?"
"Down the hall, to the left" Seungmin responded. "He's been there for hours so I don't think he'll mind company."
"Thank you." You made your way out of the room, with a cup of hot chocolate for Chan and a cup of coffee for yourself. You soon made it down the hall, facing your left as you inhaled in before knocking.
The door slowly creaked open with barefaced Chan staring back at you. "Ahh--- Y/N what the heck." His face looked flustered, his ears quickly turning red as you giggled your way in.
"Let me in Chan, please." You cautiously laughed, not wanting to spill the drinks you had been holding.
"Why didn't you tell me you were coming... I look terrible right now."
"You literally look the same but go off."
"Ouch." Chan teased, his hands still covering half his face.
"No- I mean you look good still." You blurted out. "Anyways- How's it going?"
You and Chan exchange greetings and he lets you listen to bits of the songs he's been working on.
"Wow Chan, it sounds so good." You stare at his computer in awe. You pulled out a chair and sat beside him as you began skimming through his other songs. "Ugh, why are you talented. This isn't fair." You muttered, with your eyes fixed on the screen.
You weren't looking but Chan was too distracted to even respond to what you were saying. His eyes fixed on you as you listened to the songs he's worked so hard on. He loved it when people listened to the things he created but somehow, it was different with you. The look you have that just got his heart beating faster than usual. The way you compliment his skills like he was the only one capable of doing it. Anything you did just felt so special to him and lately, you were the one that had been going through his mind as he produced songs. Butterflies were definitely an understatement.
As you skimmed through his neverending folder of songs he's never put out, you stumbled upon one called the moon behind the stars. You played it, not knowing what it was. As the melody played, your heart eased into it. Somehow, you wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. It was so beautifully made that you had lost track of where you were but something was missing. The lyrics.
"Chan, wheres the lyrics for this one. It's too good to not have one." You asked, turning your attention towards him.
"There isn't any-" A slight panic in his tone made you even more curious. "It's unfinished."
"It was created almost two years ago though. Something like this should be out there Chan, I'm telling you. It's beautiful."
"I know but it doesn't really fit into any of our album themes yet." He scratched his head.
"Why not?"
"It's a love song, y/n."
"Oh-" Your face looked back to the computer in shock, repeating the song again. "What is it about though?"
"It's cheesy-" he replied, cupping his own cheeks as he whined.
"Oh please. Cheesy is literally MY genre." You laughed.
He sighed, "okay then." You made yourself comfortable as you stared at him, waiting for him to tell you all about it. "Well first, the title "the moon behind the stars" means two things. First, it illustrates how a person is too scared to admit that they're in love but still wants to have a good front towards the other person they're trying to distance themselves from, thus, "the moon behind the stars. Second, it's about the moon representing the one you have feelings for. Even with all the stars, shining and being pretty, somehow, it's always the moon that catches your eye. Almost like, 'there's plenty of fish in the sea but you're the only one I see.' and it has a melodic piece because even though you see them all the time, it's almost impossible to actually be with them. The space between the world and the moon represents the other person's fear and anxiety towards losing the other person. I say it's a love song but it could pretty much pass as a sad song at this point." Chan giggled. "Well- that's kind of all I have for that."
You listened, wonderstruck and speechless at his explanation. "H-How did you even come up with this? All this time I thought you were just an angsty teen who wants to overthrow the government but I guess I'm wrong."
He loudly laughed. "I don't know either."
‘’Unless... it's through experience." You teased, pinching his sides.
"Wha- no. It's not like that. I was just messing around, really." He explained but with the most unconvincing tone.
You definitely didn't buy it. "Who was it Channie. Tell me."
Channie... it had been a while since you had called him that. He's been trying to stay away from you so he could sort his feelings out. He wanted to get over you, fearing that maybe wanting you more than as a friend could put your friendship at risk. But as soon as you muttered his nickname Channie again, his feelings for you came back, slowly and all at once. It hit him as he saw you giggle as you teased him. He sat there with a rapidly beating heart, admitting that maybe, his feelings were never gone. He looked away, feeling his mouth dry out. The love of his life was in front of him and fear was the only thing that kept him from telling you so. He shyly stuffed himself behind his hands, knowing he had been blushing the whole time.
"Chan- are you okay?" You stopped yourself in the middle of laughing with a concerned look in your face. You placed a hand on his back, not knowing why he was suddenly like that.
"I'm okay." He said behind his hands. His voice was soft, but you could tell he was smiling.
"Are you shy? Did me asking who it was made you that shy?" You teased. "They must've been special, Chris."
His heart was about to explode. You calling him Chris was probably his greatest weakness and although he hears that a lot, hearing it from you made it sound so special. If you could just say it once more, he would definitely combust.
"Chan your ears are red, oh my god. Are you okay?"
He sat upright, collecting himself after almost losing himself. "Yes, I'm okay." He smiled, breathing heavily.
"I'm surprised you never told her about this." You muttered, repeating the song once more. "Probably would've loved it."
"I doubt that."
"What do you mean? Every girl I know that trained under this building during that time had the biggest crush on you."
"Yeah, right." He turned to you. "Did you?"
"Of course. I told you, Chan. Every single girl did."
His face froze at your upfront answer. Stuttering as he tried to go back to the conversation.
"Are you that surprised that I liked you? I thought it was pretty obvious back then."
"Wha-"
"So you didn't think of anything when I was always using the same studio you guys were using? Are you kidding?" You laughed.
"No..."
"I literally came to your busking event when I had an evaluation half an hour after that." Tears were almost coming out of your eyes as you laughed out loud.
"Oh my god, y/n"
“I know. I was pathetic."
"This whole time... I thought you liked Hyunjin."
"What the fuck- Chris are you kidding? Please say sike."
"I'm not. I literally thought-"
“Hyunjin's my family friend oh my god. He's literally like a cousin to me."
Chan covered his open mouth with his hand, shocked at what he was hearing. ”Oh my god, y/n"
"You're stupid." You teased, slapping his arm. "I did so much and you didn't even notice shit. This is peak embarrassing, Chan."
"I- I'm sorry." he teased.
"The hot chocolate I brought after the JYP stage, the-"
"The hot chocolate? Didn't you give everybody one."
You facepalmed at his response. "I- I gave everybody a cup of coffee dumbass. I knew you didn't like coffee so I specifically ordered hot chocolate just for you."
He went speechless, feeling bad that he looked over your effort back then.
You sighed, "whatever, it's okay. It's over now."
Suddenly, Chan wanted to confess something. "Actually, y/n."
"Hm?"
"That song," he pointed at his computer. "It's about you."
You stared at him for a while, not comprehending his words. "Sorry?"
"It's about you. You're the moon behind the stars."
"Huh?" You hurriedly repeated the song.
Chan shyly muttered but it was too incoherent for you to understand, "Sorry can you say that again."
"I- It's actually finished," he confessed. "But it's context is different but I kept the melody and everything."
"What- how?"
He took the mouse from your hand and searched through his folder. Neverending Story.
"Here it is."
"Wait- Chan. This is released though?"
"Yeah, I know. It's uhh, about you." he voice was soft, almost too quiet to hear.
"It's finally admitting my feelings and that however things might turn between us, I won't ever let go as a person that deeply cares for you and that however long I might have to wait, it's okay because, in the end, my feelings for you just don't ever seem to go away."
You stuttered in response, not knowing how to take this all in. You've liked him then and you've always felt the same since.
"Chan- this is beautiful. I don't know what to say."
"It's okay. You don't have to."
"Is this why you have been ignoring me?"
"Kind of. I put out this song with everything I've always wanted to tell you and it was really hard to face you. I know you didn't feel the same but I wanted to at least tell you what I've felt. I was wondering that maybe putting out this song and ignoring for you a bit would make everything go away and let me accept how things are between us now but I realized that somehow, my feelings never left. Every time I'd see you, my heart beats a special type of way and always makes me think that maybe, the moon might not be that impossible to reach."
You could see him tremble as he explained everything to you. You reach out, holding his hand. "Thank you, Chris. This song is beautiful and so is the message. I'm sorry if I made you think that I would never reciprocate your feelings-"
"y/n, you don't have to-"
You cut him off. "The truth is that, after all this time, I really do still like you. More than before, and I feared that I would get in the way of your dreams. I wanted to be your support still which is why I stayed behind all this time. You have been there through my worst and my successful times. You made me the artist that I am today and you let me stay as the person I am around you. Chris, I don't know where this will take us but I hope you know I still really do like you a lot."
Chan took hold of your hand and sobbed as he held them close. "Thank you, y/n. Thank you so much."
#bang chan au#stray kids#stray kids chan#bang chan#stray kids reactions#stray kids imagines#stray kids scenarios#stray kids fluff#stray kids angst#fluff#kpop#kpop fluff#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios#kpop reactions#kpop angst#angst#au#stray kids au
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You & Me : chapter 42
A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA
Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS
CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41
NOTES:
-one chapter is her pov, the next is his
-4.4k
-im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it.
-there WILL be smut. but not only smut.
-this is a romance, comedy, smut story.
-for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.
READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE
- notes: i hope you enjoy this! i really hope its worth a read! please send me requests for the few chapters left. i have the last chapters totally planned and they cant really be changed, but i can add a few things in them. as for the next few chapters, just send me anything you want for them!
if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)
requests! : i changed it a bit i hope its ok! i used an other request for the chapter but it was part of many requests in the same ask so im not adding it in case i use the rest too. basically, it says “Louis being upset at losing his roommate”
TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE
Chapter 42 : Her chapter
OLIVIA
May 21st, 2018
I was happy that Dylan hadn't asked Heidi to be there the next day since we were about to film the scene I feared the most. Niall had a few things to do but he told me he'd join me a bit later on the set. If I wanted to be honest, though, I was sort of happy he was not there, if only because this scene was going to be tough to play and knowing he would be there when I was filming it would make me even more nervous.
I jumped slightly when someone knocked at the door and walked to it with a frown. I had decided to eat in my dressing room if only to be alone and try to get back in those horrible feelings I had when Niall broke up with me. I remembered the rain, I remembered running away, I remembered the way he was looking at me and the way my heart twisted in my chest, feeling like it was stuck in a vice. I remembered the tattoo I had just got of a heart around his name, on the skin of my back, and how much it seemed to burn. I remembered running to Louis and crying with him. I remembered everything of that night. It was so vivid I felt like I would never forget. I knew this memory would never be blurry, I knew I'd remember every fucking second of it for the rest of my life.
When I opened the door, Dylan looked up, and my heart skipped a beat when I realized how vulnerable he looked with his sad eyes and his hands in his pockets. I was used to the confident and funny man who had been my rock for so many months. Now he looked exhausted and hurt.
"Can I come in?"
I nodded and licked my lips, moving away to let him in and I closed the door as he turned around to face me. We remained in front of each other just staring in each other's eyes until I moved my arm to show him the couch.
"Please, sit."
We kept silent for a few more minutes after sitting down and all I could hear was my heart thumping against my rib cage. I didn't know why he was there and I didn't want this conversation to turn bad. I knew what kind of person he was though and I knew it would most likely not end up in screams and insults, but he was with Heidi now, and I knew what she was capable of.
"I'm sorry, Olivia." he finally let out with a sigh before rubbing his eyes. "I'm sorry for bringing Heidi here yesterday. I mean, I didn't even invite her she sort of... invited herself. But that's not the point, I mean I knew how you felt about her and I promise I didn't do that to piss you off, or make you uncomfortable."
My lips parted and after a while, they curled slightly. "I know, don't worry about it." I just shook my head a bit. "But Dylan, are you serious? I mean Heidi? Really?"
"Does it bother you?" he asked with a sad smile as he looked up.
"No, it doesn't. You can date whoever you want it's just... I'm surprised. After all you said about her... After all we said about her." I corrected myself. "Just be careful okay?"
"Liv," he chuckled, raising his eyebrows. "I'm not gonna marry her. She just... eases the pain, I guess. Some sort of a rebound."
"Basically, you two fuck."
This time, he laughed and leaned against the couch. "Pretty much." he shrugged and put his gaze into mine, his smile faltering a bit. "She's no you, but she's not bad looking when naked."
This time, I let out a loud laughter that made him smile more. "As long as she keeps her mouth shut, maybe!"
"Yea, that doesn't happen often, unfortunately."
I laughed again and rolled my eyes before tilting my head and pressing my lips together, staring at him some more. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Dylan."
"No, I'm sorry." he lost his smile and closed his eyes for a few seconds before moving closer and leaning his elbows on his knees. I frowned, a bit stressed about why he was acting like that but when he sighed again, I held my breath. "I'm the one who told her. About you and Niall. I told her you cheated on me and that I said it was okay, and she asked when it was and she just.. connected the dots. It's my fault she made that instagram shit. I hope you can forgive me."
I swallowed hard still looking at him. I couldn't really blame him and I was a bit surprised that I didn't think that he could be the one who told her, especially after seeing them together a few days before. It was so obvious now and I mentally slapped myself for being an idiot.
"Done." I just replied with a small smile. "Anything else I can help with? World Peace? Starvation in third world nations? Anything?"
He laughed and sent me a small smile as I became more serious. I didn't want us to be on bad terms and yes, it felt weird to think that only a few weeks ago, we were supposed to get married, but we both needed to move on from that.
"Heidi and I we just... bonded over the fact that we felt betrayed, and we were sad and hurt, you know? We won't spend our lives together. I don't have feelings for her I'm just.. trying to move on."
I stared at him again, keeping quiet for a few minutes, not wanting to say something wrong. We had had good moments together, and I couldn't pretend I didn't miss him but at the same time, I didn't miss the love relationship we had. I was with Niall and no one else made me feel like he did. No one else ever did make me feel like Niall did, not even Dylan, whom I was ready to marry.
"I really hope it works, Dyl." I sent him a fond smile, tilting my head. "You deserve the best."
----
May 22nd, 2018
What woke me up in the middle of my nap in the afternoon was a soft piano melody and before my eyes even opened, my lips curled into a fond smile. I put my pants on and got out of bed, following the music and yawning a bit on my way as I tugged at my hair. When I entered the living room, Niall looked up and sent me a smile as he kept playing and finally licked his lips, taking his hand away from the keys and raised his eyebrows.
"How did sleeping beauty sleep?"
"I don't know about her," I started with an other yawn. "but I slept very well, thank you."
"I was talking about you, silly!" he chuckled. "You sleep all the time, and you're beautiful. This is now officially my new nickname for you."
I raised my eyebrows and my lips parted as he laughed. "If you call me that, I'll start calling you Neil."
I smiled when I saw him grimace and finally sat next to him on the small bench, facing the piano. I've always wanted to play and at the same time, i loved watching Niall play. If only I could be as talented as he was in something... anything, really.
"You're so damn good, I swear, I'm jealous."
"My piano skills are pretty basic."
"Lies!" I quickly replied, turning my head to look at him and raising my eyebrows. "You always say that and we both know it's bullshit." I turned back to the piano and placed my hands on the keys as if I knew what I was doing. "Here's a little something I can play for you.”
I let an amused smile appear on my lips and finally used just two fingers to play a short song on the piano, missing one or two notes as I did. When I turned back to him, he was smiling big, trying not to laugh.
"Is that 'Take Me Out To The Ball Game'?" he asked, unable to stop a chuckle from escaping his mouth. "Played with literally two fingers?"
"Don't laugh! I taught myself that."
He started laughing anyway and I raised my nose up, pushing his upper arm with mine and making him laugh even more. He smelled good and he looked gorgeous. I was trying not to think about the fact that he was leaving in a few days and when I looked up at him, he licked his lips.
"Do you want me to teach you?"
My lips curled into a happy smile but I tried to hide it by pressing them together before nodding. He chuckled and proceeded to take my hands and placed them over the keys. I tried to listen to his instructions but my mind drifted away after a while as I looked at his fingers slide gently on the keys for a while before my eyes moved on his arm and up to his chest and his face. I stared at his lips moving for a few seconds before blinking a few times as I tried to get out of my thoughts.
"Are you sleeping again?" he asked, raising his eyebrows with a smile.
"No... no I just..." I shook my head and chuckled. "Play that song. The one you had in hands in my dressing room. You said you needed a piano well there's one. I want to hear you sing."
"I was teaching you how to play darling." he pointed out, making me tilt my head.
"Play Niall, please."
He stared at me and I felt my heartbeats accelerate. I couldn't believe I was here with him and that he was looking at me like that. After a while, he just nodded and licked his lips before his fingers glided on the keys again.
"Maybe we are the champagne lovers
Lay in the dark, we are stargazing now
Well, I don’t like it.
Rolling the dice just to feel the thunder
Deep in the heart of a downward spiral
Falling, we’re falling.
We should twist the knife
Put it all to bed, I
Need to understand what it takes to love again
So come on love me when the lights burn low
Meet me underneath the sheets
Cause you got a hold of me baby, enough to pull me back in deep.
You used to love me when the lights burned low
Now we’re tearing at the seams
We‘ve both had enough of this, baby, so promise me that when you leave
You won’t say you’ll come back to me.
Maybe we are the perfect strangers
Only the stories left on paper now
And I don’t like it.
We should twist the knife
Put it all to bed, I
Need to understand what it takes to love again
So come on love me when the lights burn low
Meet me underneath the sheets
Cause you got a hold of me baby, enough to pull me back in deep.
You used to love me when the lights burned low
Now we’re tearing at the seams
We‘ve both had enough of this, baby, so promise me that when you leave
You won’t say you’ll come back to me.
Come back to me
You won’t say you’ll come back to me."
I felt a tear roll down my cheek and swallowed the lump in my throat with difficulty. Silent came back in the room and slowly, I brought one of my hands to his cheek, brushing my thumb on it gently. I loved how some of the lyrics really fitted us, and I couldn't explain how perfect it was. He knew how to add things in songs that were only obvious to us two, and I needed to learn how to do that, because when it came to writing my tv show, I knew it was more and more obvious with time that it was based on my story with Niall.
"Those lyrics about the sheets..." I just whispered before licking my lips and sniffing.
"We've been hiding under the sheets since we were kids." he explained even if I already knew what it meant. "Just you and me, in our world. And now I realize that it was our world because you're my world."
I started seeing blurry because of the tears in my eyes and blinked again to let them slide down my cheeks. He brought his hand over mine on his face but his eyes never left mine.
"You're so full of shit, Horan." I just replied in a whisper with a small chuckle.
"I mean it." he quickly murmured before I pressed my lips against his.
He kissed me back deeply and his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him. His lips parted against mine and he panted, making me whimper low. I let my hands slip under his shirt and I thought he was going to laugh at how impatient I was but instead, he moved slightly away, his lips still against mine.
"I'm gonna fucking miss you."
"How many times are we gonna tell that to each other." I whispered back, sliding my hands up his chest.,
He pulled away a bit to stare in my eyes and something twisted inside me. "I don't know, petal. Now too often I hope."
I pulled his shirt off and let it fall on the floor and I kept my lips pressed against his as he got up slowly, grabbing the hem of my shirt and taking it off too. He turned me around slightly, both his hands on my waist and when he kissed me harder, I leaned against the piano without thinking, hitting a few keys and making an horrible sound. We laughed against each other's mouths and I felt him pull my pants down, along with my panties. I wiggled slightly to take them off and pushed them away from us as I moved a bit and hit a few keys again but higher notes this time.
"Clumsy ass." he whispered with a chuckle.
"Hey it's your fault." I argued in a low tone before smiling wide.
I reached for his pants and unzipped them and when he took a step back, my eyes fluttered as I started at him. He took his pants off and when he pulled his boxers down, my lips parted slightly. I watched him sit back on the bench as I stood between him and the piano and he brought his hand to his dick, stroking it slowly. I ran my hand to my breasts as I stared at him and felt my heart jump in my chest at the sight.
He brought his free hand between my thighs and I propped one of my feet on the bench next to him before two of his fingers ran on my slit. He was staring at what he was doing and I let out a low whimper as his thumb found my clit. I was already turned on but feeling him touching me while looking at him touch himself was amazing and I licked my lips, moaning slightly louder.
"I just want to sit on your cock."
He let go of me but I noticed his fingers pressed harder around his cock as he looked up at me and it only took him a few seconds to make a quick head movement.
"Turn around and sit on me."
I felt my heart jump again and slowly did what I asked. I felt him spank me once as I held myself on the piano to sit slowly on him. His hand reached my right side as his left hand positioned his dick and I closed my eyes as I felt it slowly get deeper inside me until I was sitting completely on him.
"Fuck, bend down a bit."
I did as he asked, holding myself on the piano again and making an other unpleasant noise as I hit different keys. This time though, he didn't laugh. He ran his hands on my back, pushing on it gently again and he finally held my waist to help me move up and down on his cock very slowly, watching it slip almost completely out of me and then back inside me as I sat back on him a few times until he was balls deep.
"I fucking love watching my cock disappear in that pretty little cunt of yours." he admitted in a low tone before groaning low. "Fuck me, petal. Harder."
I started going harder as he asked and I tried to grip the piano with my fingers to get balance, my fingers making an annoying sound as they slid on it. My lips parted and I held my breath when I felt him push his thumb in my asshole and I let out a curse word, my movements faltering a bit.
"Don't you fucking stop." he just let out, spanking me with his free hand. "Nothing I want more than to cum deep inside you, pet. I want to feel you clench around me. Fuck, you're such a perfect little cumdump."
I held my breath at his words, feeling my whole body throb at the way he dirty talked to me, a bit surprised but aroused by his words. I was thinking about touching myself when I felt his arm slither around me to reach between my legs as the thumb of his other hand was still fucking my ass.
"You're gonna cum so hard, yea?" he asked, rubbing my clit and making me clench around him in motion. "All over my cock?"
I felt my eyes flutter and my head fell back slightly as I started shaking over him. He brought his arm around me to hold me against him as he kept rubbing my clit hard and fast and when I started cumming, he pushed me up slightly and started moving his hips up against me to reach an orgasm too. He only kept his tip inside me as he came and his fingers sank on both sides of my waist as he groaned loud.
"Fuck."
One of my hands fell on the keys again and I shut my eyes tighter as I got down from my high slowly. I felt one of his hands carress my back and he tapped my butt gently to incite me to get up, I felt his cum fall and when I turned around, some of it slid on my thighs while I bit my bottom lip, looking at his cum mixed with mine on his thighs.
It took him a few seconds to get up and he bent his head down to reach my lips with his. I heard the few notes from the piano as he kissed me and I chuckled against his mouth, making him smile.
"Loved it." he let out low with a smirk. "We literally just composed the best song ever together.”
I laughed and shook my head a bit, my lips brushing against his. "Yea, I don't think it's gonna be a hit." I admitted with an other laugh.
He laughed too and started kissing me slowly but deeply again until we heard the doorbell and both jumped. We both smiled and chuckled at the same time before the bell rang again and someone starting hitting the door quite roughly. I quickly rolled my eyes, knowing exactly who it was. and Niall frowned at me until we heard the voice.
"OLIVIA! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!" he yelled, making me laugh and roll my eyes. "PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON AND COME OPEN THE DOOR!"
"Why does he always get here when we're naked?" Niall asked, making me laugh.
"Hey, it's Louis, I expect nothing less." I pointed out as I was putting my pants back. "I'll go see what he wants, you get dressed."
I put my shirt on as I walked to the front door before swinging it open and sending a big smile to my best friend. He opened his arms wide and it took me only half a second before throwing myself at him. He held me close and I buried my face in his neck as I felt his head lean gently against the side of mine.
"So glad to see you, my queen. I missed you." his voice was low and his words seemed sincere. I could hear emotions in his tone and it made me smile as I gripped the back of his shirt tightly.
"It's been weeks." I just let out, making him squeeze me tighter against him.
"Who's fault?"
"Mine." I confessed in a murmur. "I'm sorry it's just... Niall..."
"Yea I know, I was the same the first few months I was back with El."
We remained silent for a few seconds but when I felt Niall's presence close to us, I felt something melt inside me, like him being close made me emotional.
"Okay Tommo, let go of my girlfriend now."
I chuckled and pulled away, my lips curling more when my eyes met Louis'.
"Oh yea, I saw the video at the airport," Louis laughed, nodding. "Told you it was just a matter of time, right Neil?"
"Right."
My boyfriend groaned but didn't add anything and I moved to let Louis walk in and close the door behind himself. He was so close to me I felt his body heat emanate from him. Niall wrapped his arms around me from behind and I felt him lean his chin on my shoulder. Instinctively, I leaned my head against him and it made Louis roll his eyes with a laugh.
"Alright, double date tonight, we're going to eat, and maybe a movie or something." Louis let out quickly. "Non-negotiable, be ready in two hours, I drive."
He winked at me before turning around and opening the door he had barely just closed and walking quickly to his car. Niall and I both watched him start the car and drive aaway and after a while, I chuckled low and shook my head.
"He's so annoying." Niall admitted, mumbling under his breath.
"Oh come on, it'll be fun!"
Niall seemed to think for a few seconds and finally raised his eyebrows with an amused smile. "Okay, but you wear a skirt."
I rolled my eyes and laughed again, just shrugging. "Deal."
---
The restaurant was crowded and suddenly, I was scared people would take pictures and videos. I tried to push that thought away and tell myself it didn't matter but at the same time, I knew Niall liked to keep most things private so I tried not to touch him too much. I felt his hand on my naked thigh and smiled, pressing my lips together as I tried to ignore it.
"What are you wearing exactly?" Louis asked with a frown, leaning a bit against the table. "Is that a necklace with my friend Neil's face on it? How old was he back then? 12?"
"Funny." Niall let out sarcastically. "It's a gift from a fan and she won't take it off."
"That's a proof of love, Niall. Embrace it."
Eleanor rolled her eyes with a chuckle and I just laughed a bit. I looked at them and lost my smile suddenly. They were such a perfect and beautiful couple and it was a shame it had just hit me. I started wondering what people thought of the couple I made with Niall and I felt a bit nervous.
"We haven't done that in a while." Eleanor pointed out, taking a sip of her wine. "I know you've both been busy though. How's tour going? Not too hard being away from each other?"
"It's..." Niall started shaking his head.
"Hell." I finished his sentence.
He turned his head to look at me before nodding slowly. "Exactly. But we manage."
And we did. It was not easy but we loved each other enough to actually want this to work and we both put effort into it. I knew Niall wouldn't always be on tour, and I wouldn't always be filming either. At some point, we would live together almost every day and I seriously couldn't wait. I could write from home, and he could do the same, and I knew it would go very well.
"Niall also asked me to move in with him!" I announced with a huge grin, raising my eyebrows. "About to move my stuff soon!"
I saw Louis' face change and he looked down at his plate before clearing his throat. "Really? When are you moving?"
I frowned when I noticed the emotions on his face but simply licked my lips. I didn't want to cause a scene, and I was not sure of how he felt, but knowing Louis, he was probably going to talk to me about it.
"Probably mid june, it's the only time Niall has a few weeks off. Then he'll be on tour for 3 months almost non-stop." I admitted, swallowing hard at the thought.
I didn't want to be away from him and at the same time, I didn't know if I really should follow him everywhere. I didn't want to be that kind of girl anymore but wanting to be with my boyfriend was not being needy, right? I also didn't really want to stay alone in his big house the whole time he'd be gone. It sounded quite sad.
We started discussing old memories, mostly those from the last tour, and I would roll my eyes when Louis would mention how bad I supposedly had it for Harry. I was pretty sure he knew I was in love with Niall even back then but he was trying to get a reaction out of Niall and I couldn't pretend I didn't find it a bit entertaining. Every time Louis would mention a memory of something romantic or sexual between Harry and I, Niall would squeeze my thigh without really realizing it.
I got up to go to the bathroom after a while and when I got out, Louis was waiting for me, his side leaned against the wall.
"Why are you always waiting for me next to the bathroom." I asked with a chuckle.
"I missed you, you know. I missed my best friend." he pointed out, ignoring my question. "And now you're gonna move in with him for the very first time and, I don't know, I feel betrayed."
I took a step closer to him and shook my head. "Louis, you were already supposed to be with Eleanor, remember?"
"That was when you were supposed to marry Dylan."
I tilted my head and sighed, licking my lips. "I know you hadn't changed your plans. I mean, you were going to live with El either way, and it's okay." I just explained. "I want to try it with Niall. I want it so bad, Louis. But we'll always be close, you and I. I think I need you more than you'll ever need me."
"One day every week."
"Mm?"
"I have to see you at least once a week." he specified. "Sometimes with Niall and El, sometimes just us two, but once a week. I'm not losing touch, you hear me?"
"I hear ya." I smiled and tilted my head.
"Good." he nodded, staring at me for a few seconds. "Are you sure you're ready for that? Moving in with Niall, I mean. It's not gonna be easy."
"I know. But I'm sure." I let out firmly. "He's my soulmate. He's always been. And apparently, I'm his soulmate too. Life couldn't get better than that."
#niall horan#niall horan smut#niall horan fluff#niall horan writing#niall horan fanfic#niall horan fan fic#niall horan fanfiction#niall horan fan fiction#niall horan story#my fanfics#yam
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okay so what about getting asleep on the sofa while watching TV and then he wakes you up to go to bed and he's just so happy you're by his side that he dances with you around the room like he does with penny and you're still sleepy and you murmur 'we better dance like this at our wedding, future husband' hhhhf im SOFT
I’m soft omg this is the life ????? also I love that shoulder thing he does in this scene ugh. He’s such a cutie pie.
Warnings: swearing, smoking (why do I still bother tagging these?) and implied nsfw at the end. You may need to bite a pillow to keep from squealing, this is soft.
word count: 1, 981.
The Arthur Fleck/Joker Defense Squad @writings-of-a-gen-z @x-avantgarde-x @mapreza1 @insomniabird@mavalenovaninagavi @itwasrealenough @morrisonmercurymalek @rand0ms-fand0ms @rafaelina-casillas @aclownthing @rebs-doom @vivft@help-i-am-obssessed @autumnaffection @taintednihilist @vladtoly @mg-woolf99 @misstgrey92 @that-s-life @dopey-girl-blogs @seeking-dreamland @sweetheart-syndrome @heartxfdesire @xmusichealsthesoulx @0callmejude0 @the-one-that-likes-riddles @hannibalsslut @folliaght @freeeshavacadoo @bingewatchingmylifegoby @unlovedbyeveryoneandeverything @okamiredfoxx @sp0okysp0oky @the-pandorabox @mardema @jibanyyan @honeyflvredcoughdrop @emissarydecksetter @jokerfleckk @epidendroideae @chuuntas @stillmabel @pumpkinpeyes@onehystericalqueenposts @the-jokers-wolf @nalsswa @justahyena @arianatheangelworld @soullessblondbitch @gothamslittlejester @twentyonestarrynights @sirianfromsixties
You were exhausted.
All day had you had to be in contact with people. You hadn’t had a free moment to yourself. Even when you had gone outside your university to have a cigarette, people had wanted stuff to do with you. It hadn’t been more than an hour since leaving the apartment building that you had wanted to go home again. At least Arthur didn’t socially wear you out; one look at you and it seemed like he could read your entire mood, and know what to do to be around you peacefully, without causing you any sort of distress. He was an actual angel and you didn’t know where you would be without him. Your entire life revolved around Arthur, and though you knew that that was mildly unhealthy, you also knew that you wouldn’t have it any other way. He was the kind of man to demand that all eyes were on him. He was unaware of the beauty of his own self, and that only increased his allure, somehow.
When Arthur had finally come home from work late in the evening, just as tired and worn down as you were, you had already been curled up on the sofa, ready to go to sleep. Instead, however, you had jumped up with more physical energy than you thought you had left in you, such was the effect he had on you, and reheated his dinner, spoken to Arthur about his day, and made him feel loved. Loving Arthur Fleck was a gift, but it seemed almost surreal for him to love you back just as hard, if not even more than you loved him. He felt deeply, which meant that he hurt deeply, and rarely could he experience a single day without another punch to the face. Sometimes, life expressed that particular sentiment physically, and you were always there with a gentle touch to patch up his wounds. It was the emotional ones which required more tender loving care, and you only gladly obliged. He deserved the entire fucking world, and though you couldn’t physically give it to him, you could make him feel like he was on top of it.
When at last all your daily responsibilities, stresses and duties had been tended to, Arthur had invited you to sit beside him on the sofa. The Murray show was on, but you weren’t concentrating on it. Not only did you not like the host - he was a rude man who preyed on other people to get a cued laugh from the paid audience and sometimes you found yourself wishing that someone would just permanently shut him up - but you were just so tired. You leaned easily against Arthur’s upper arm, feeling his body heat radiate through his thin cotton shirt. Naturally did his arm curl around your shoulders, pulling you snugly against him. You shifted so that you were pressed completely against his side, his body warding off the chill in the apartment; the heating was just too expensive, even and most especially given that it was winter and therefore, the government could get away with putting up the prices because of the ‘supply and demand’. It was bullshit, but what could you do? You were a working class citizen working to the bone just to survive and therefore, you had no real voice and no power of your own.
You were asleep before you knew it. The scent of cigarette smoke kept your own nicotine craving at bay, and the feeling of Arthur pressed tightly against you and the gentle smell of his cologne kept you in that secured lull which promised a good night’s sleep in preparation for all that was waiting for you tomorrow. You couldn’t wait for Sunday; it was your Day with Arthur. Once a week, every Sunday, did you only make plans for each other. You didn’t leave the apartment on Sundays, anything important could wait until the following day, and so you were left to indulge in each other in whatever means were most appealing on that day. Often, you stayed in the bedroom and played card games, smoking together and watching Charlie Chaplin re-runs.
The first thing that you became distantly aware of was that the bed you were lying against was moving in a steady rise and fall. There was a rumbling just under your ear and then Arthur’s gentle, patient tone threatened to send you right back to sleep.
“Y/N, darling. Come on, it’s time for bed.”
You groaned. “Nope. Sleeping. Shush.”
Another rumble ran through Arthur’s chest and bubbled up and out of his throat, the sound creating a lovely laugh. You adored it when he laughed genuinely. It was such a rare sound and you cherished it, so different was it to the terrifying attacks he so often experienced.
“No,” Arthur hummed, “You gotta help me get you to bed. I can’t carry you.”
You sighed sleepily and sat up. Arthur laughed both at the expression on your face and the way your hair was sticking up on one side, laying completely flat on the other.
“Sleepy head.” He teased, his eyes soft and full of love for you. The harsh blue light from the television screen illuminated the dark circles under his green eyes, and you felt guilty. Had you kept him awake while he waited for you to stir?
You stood, taking Arthur’s hand, and he pulled you close to his chest, swaying with you. He spun you slowly, a sweet smile on his face. His hair was fluffy, freshly washed, the dark curls framing either side of his forehead. His waistcoat was perfectly matched with his trousers, and he looked so ethereal. He was heaven sent. As he pulled you close again to dance with you without music, your sleep addled brain failed to consider the potential consequences of your next words.
“I want to dance like this with you at our wedding, future husband.” Your eyes were already sliding shut as you relaxed against his chest.
Time seemed to stop as your words seeped into your brain. Arthur froze and you even felt him stop breathing.
You weren’t tired any more as reality doused you awake just as surely as a cold bucket of water tipped over you would. You stared at Arthur’s still chest, not blinking, your entire body trained on the person in front of you, his hands still tightly gripping you.
A shuddered inhale. A bubble of quiet laughter. Silence.
“What… what did you just say?”
You dared to look up into those beautiful green eyes you so adored. You had memorised that face so well that you could recall it perfectly even in your sleep. Many a night had you fallen asleep staring at it, hoping that its features would find you in your dreams.
Little did you know that your wildest dreams weren’t inside your mind, but physically present in the bed with you.
“What is your shirt made of?” You reached out and plucked the sleeve of his shirt between your thumb and forefinger. You had a reason for the apparent sudden change in topic. You would make your point known in all the ways you could think of. It was the least you could do for Arthur.
“No, Y/N, what did you - “
“I’m getting there.” You smiled patiently, pleading with him inside your mind to go along with you.
Arthur nodded, sighed and seemed to accept that you would repeat yourself when you had had your fun as, with a slight bite of impatience, he said, “I don’t know, cotton or something. Please tell me what you said.” His voice was quieter towards the end of the sentence. Did he think it was a joke to you?
You shook your head and made sure to look him straight in the eyes. “No.” You disagreed. “It’s made of husband material.”
You saw some pre-existing spark in his eyes explode into a fire as the most beautiful smile lit up Arthur’s entire face like a christmas tree. You hadn’t intended to say this here and now, but your mouth had made the decision for you, as it so often did when you were tired. Actually, scrap that - your mouth often made your decisions for you, and your brain was left to figure out the aftermath. Your brain to mouth filter had always been faulty, even more so when you were tired.
“Wait here.” Quick as a flash were you gone, disappeared into the bedroom. You left Arthur’s arms feeling empty with naught for company but the ghost of your touch. Like a whirlwind, you were back just as quickly as you had gone.
In your hand was a small black box, which was clenched painfully in your grip. Ready? Go!
“Here.”
You handed it to a wide eyed Arthur. His hands were shaking and nearly did he drop the box. He sought to cup it in his hands. “W-what… I don’t -” Laughter. Cruel and painful laughter ripped its way out of your love’s throat, making him cross his arms over his shoulders as he buried his face in the material of his work shirt. He doubled over, turned his back to you, and violent chuckles threatened to destroy the very gentle, loving atmosphere that had naturally occurred when the two of you were together.
You put a hand on his back, rubbing up and down his spine, feeling the different vertebrae through his clothing. You said nothing, you only stayed, and that meant so much more to Arthur than anything else that you could have done. Guilt racked him as he squeezed his eyes shut. He had ruined the moment. You had just presented your future together to him on a silver platter, the entire scene practically gift wrapped in its perfection, and he had ruined it with his condition. As he quieted to hiccups and straightened up, breathing in deeply, you said, “Don’t you dare think you’ve ruined anything, Arthur.”
He hiccuped, “But - “
“No.” You smiled gently to take the bite out of your words, and pulled him into a hug. Immediately did your fingers find the dark curls at the nape of his neck. Arthur’s head sunk down onto your shoulders, taller than you was he, and he pressed his nose into your jugular. His lips soothed the day’s tension away, and you allowed him to lavish you with kisses.
Slowly did you realise that he hadn’t answered your question.
“Arthur.”
Something in your voice caught his attention and he straightened up.
“Are you gonna’ answer my question?”
“Wait… you weren’t. You weren’t joking?” He was so incredulous, so disbelieving, that you couldn’t help it. Your jaw dropped. Did he really think so little of himself? You didn’t even need to think about it. Yes. Yes, he did.
“I would never fucking do that.”
Arthur looked down to the floor in shame, and you found the fallen box - he must have dropped it during his sudden attack - and picked it up, dusting it off. You opened it to reveal a set of modest antique rings. It was the best you could afford. The design was plain and simple but elegant.
“So, how about it? Will you marry me, Arthur?”
The ferocity with which he kissed you took you aback, as again and again did he mumble “yes” against your lips. Your legs somehow found his waist, and it was with speedy movements and little care for the late hour that you showed Arthur just how much you had meant your question. The rings lay abandoned on the living room table; you would put them on each other tomorrow. For now, you would consummate the as yet unofficial but official vow to love each other in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part.
#rebs-doom#Requests closed#arthur fleck#arthur fleck x reader#arthur fleck imagine#todd phillips#joker#joker interview#joker x reader#joker 2019#joker 2019 imagine#Joaquin phoenix joker#joaquin phoenix#joaquin phoenix x reader#joaquin phoenix imagine#phoenix!joker#phoenix!joker x reader#phoenix!joker imagine
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: / i need any help and/or validation for a situation im dealing with
ok heads up this is going to be potentially very long to read and get through, like possibly 10 minutes at most but it is detailed and information heavy, i dont want to leave anything out
if anyone knows me/knows me on twitter and has seen my tweets where i've detailed the bullshit my roommate has done in the past you'll know i dont particularly like their presence based on their immature and gross antics. well ladies and gentlemen just when i thought they couldn't possibly sink any lower as a person, they pulled through the shit olympics and won gold.
my roommate has a cat, they had it prior to moving in and on their account the cat has been by their side 24/7. it is very attached and has most definitely developed a form of separation anxiety because of this. there hasnt been an issue with how often they stay with their cat up until recently... their girlfriend got her own apartment and over the past few months my rm has been staying with her 24/7. as in, is practically never in the apartment. they only come back to refill their cats food/water and is immediately out the door again. occasionally they will sleep overnight but after that they are back out the door.
as anyone who understands cats or animals in general would realize, this is essentially neglecting a cat, one you have gone from being with every day, to essentially never seeing. and this was not gradual, it was a damn near sudden change. you can probably imagine this is putting a lot of confusion and stress on the cat. over time, the cat has reacted more physically. they have become prone to crying by the door, biting the gf's toes, glaring at her (i guess), and such.
now, about a week ago, the cat had bitten my roommate incredibly hard to the point of drawing a lot of blood. apparently this was so traumatic to the rm that they now refuse to even be in the same room with the cat (there have only been a handful of times where they've slipped into the room to grab an essential and shimmy back out) so much so that they brought an air mattress, set it up in the living room, and is now temporarily sleeping there. no, im not joking.
now im not going to go into detail about why this buildup from the cat occurred, i think it should be pretty obvious already why, but to my rm, they fully believe this behavior is aggressive and unusual. as in, this cat had malicious, negative intent to do harm on its owner. its owner which, up until months ago, they were so attached to and clearly loved. as a friend has pointed out, this isnt signaling aggression. this is signaling a need to get attention in any way possible. their own cat had scratched them up so bad to the point they almost had to go to the ER, but it wasnt because the cat was aggressive, it just thought it was playtime! the case is different here yes, because unlike my rm the friend actually takes care and gives attention to their cat, so this was a very rare occurrence. simply put, this cat is lacking so much stimulation, attention, and basic interaction that this, to me, felt like a last resort. because clearly, the constant cries of sadness wasnt doing anything for them. they're currently in the process of rehoming the cat and will permanently ditch it on the 28th. thats still another 5 fucking days of this cat being in these neglected conditions, and thats not counting when this started, which was 17th, 18th if were being generous on account of me misremembering the date of events because who can blame me so much has already happened its becoming difficult to keep track.
a cat that they up until this point loved and gave attention to as apparent by them claiming she is for emotional support, is being thrown out of their life without remorse over one instance of """aggression""" (dont make me explain why it wasnt again.)
my roommate knows full and well that they have every ability and every second on their hands to bring the cat with them to the gf's apartment but guess what? they simply choose not to do so! i guess those toes getting bitten was so traumatic because oh yeah may i add, the girlfriend is a massive enabler of the roommate and sees absolutely no issue to the actions they are taking in response. i doubt they even tried to properly warm the cat up to a person who is a newcomer to the relationship. im sure they both think in their heads that this is the most responsible thing they can do as pet owners and that they're such good people for rehoming a cat they cant take care of anymore. yes, nothing more responsible than neglecting an animal that needs social interaction as much as that one in particular is in dire need of. responsible pet owners would have never let it escalate to such a point, i'll have you know.
my roommate has done a lot of bullshit that has made me want to pull my hair out, but at the very least, it didnt involve a living creature. this however draws a line as i refuse to stand for animal neglect simply because im an outsider and have no direct say in the situation. i've taken as much action as i possibly can, phoning and texting and emailing as many people as i possibly can. i hesitate to say this is straight up animal abuse because as firm as i can be i try to give people the benefit of the doubt BUT. i will say that every single person i have relayed all of this info to thus far has told me that this is grounds for animal abuse.
yesterday i ran into my rm and they told me "heyyy sorry about her crying constantly, its just not possible for me to be in there whatsoever!" and when i asked if they have someone refilling the bowls and litter on their behalf they said "nope just me" ????????? simultaneously on the same day i said fuck it, i am going to break out the secret key i have to their room to check on the cat. yes i have a key to their room, i have never used it until now and if you want to ignore everything thus far to give me some shit about trust or whatever consider: i dont fucking care. as it turns out the food and water bowls are the type that automatically refill. so, hmmm. theres that part out of the way, but of course, you cannot put in a machine to automatically interact with a cat on the level of a human. as for the litter, i couldnt see since i didnt step more than a foot into the room as to not impede boundaries on the cat and i didnt want my roommate to suddenly come home to me knees deep in their shithole. it was probably in the closet but then how is that being cleaned? those automatic cleaning cat litter boxes dont come cheap and i know damn well they cannot afford one. and may i just add as a tidbit, the room has a sitting scent of pee. though seeing as how gross my roommate can get im betting its just them and not the cat. also that room was cold as fuck. were at 60-70s right now in terms of weather right now it does not need to be that cold......
here is a video i was able to capture. i mounted my phone on a monopod in order to get a scope of the room without stepping in too far.
i decided that the least i can do at the moment is to head out to dollar tree and get a toy or two so i can at least provide some amount of stimulation. before i left, i checked on her again.
she was just laying there, keeping her distance, and didnt lurch at me whatsoever. i came back with a feather wand and played with her for a couple of minutes. she responded a little to it, but for the most part she was peering out the door wondering where the hell her so called responsible owner was. i took my sweater off and let the cat sniff it. i have zero relationship with this cat, infact its the first time i've ever properly seen it as it is locked in the bedroom 24/7.
now you may be asking yourself, why is this cat locked away in a room 24/7 like rapunzel locked in her tower and not roaming freely in the open apartment? i too would like an answer to this! i rarely spend any time in the living room but even if i did i have NO issue with it chilling in there.
someone i phoned did bring up a good point that for AS to consider a legitimate case of abuse or even do anything, there'd need to be no food or water. so essentially, unless you're straight up physically harming an animal outside of their headquarters they dont fucking care. want to be proven further on that? my rm actually did speak with AS at the start of bite-saga. surprisingly they werent 100% truthful, and, get a load of this, they told them that the cat potentially has a virus, and that they need to be quarantined the entire 2 week period. thats some lying bullshit if i've ever heard some!!! not only that, just a few hours ago i peeped the girlfriend had the vet get back to them about lending a muzzle!
SO. heres the current situation as of today and what will occur to tomorrow: i finally phoned someone who is going to drop by the apartment tomorrow, potentially with another person (these are not random people, im simply keeping their status as anonymous as possible to maintain their privacy) to check on the cats conditions. they'll also call AS again and nudge the rm in a way where it seems AS needs them to expedite the surrendering process sooner than later. i cant imagine another 5 days of this going on, but theres only so much that can be done that doesnt involve me straight up catknapping the poor thing and rehoming her myself. this is the condition of the cat as of a few hours ago:
if i were someone uninvolved and saw this, i would have assumed she were a stray that broke into the room........
i try not to be petty and villainous, but a line has been crossed and the disgusting mistreatment of an innocent creature is a crime i refuse to allow be sweeped under the rug. if theres any benefit to living in a relatively small town, its that everyone knows or at least recognizes everyone. far too many people already get away with animal abuse, at the very least i can make as many people here as aware of their antics as i can. is that wrong to do? should i not air all that i can out about them? im so tired and exhausted. i've lost so much sleep over this and im probably going to lose a lot more. thanks for reading.
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discord text/facetime call || aaroman
Discord thread featuring: Aaron and & @romanbeckett
When: August 26th, 2020 - August 27, 2020
Mentions: @alison-haynes @luca-regio
Description: Roman and Aaron talk about Alison’s conversations with both Aaron and Roman
TW: aaron may or may not call alison a bitch, crying, angry!aaron
Roman.
Does Ali not want Des staying the night with me I guess?
And I love you too
Aaron.
sigh
I don’t know what her deal is
I think she’s been having issues with luca and she’s just being irrational
I’ll text her
Roman.
No it's fine
Aaron.
it’s not
Roman.
It is. If that's what she wants, then that's fine.
Aaron.
it’s not what I want. And she’s 50% me so
she doesn’t get the final say
Roman.
I don't want to cause any issues
She said I can see her a few hours
Aaron.
you’re not causing any issues
Roman.
Just let it be, it's okay. Ali has enough stress going on, we all do. I don't want to upset her
Aaron.
no. It’s fine.
Roman.
bleh
Aaron.
she’s fine. Just being dramatic. Don’t worry about it
Roman.
okay
Aaron.
just um
I may have told her that we got back together right away
just got with it
Roman.
Okay
Aaron.
Alison is blaming me for all of her relationship problems with Luca
Roman.
Of course she is
Aaron.
she’s being so damn petty
I’m in rehab and she’s picking a fight
Roman.
I wish I knew how to help
Aaron.
we’re just going around in circles and I don’t know what to do
I’m honestly so hurt
today sucked. This is the last thing I need
Roman.
I shouldn't have said anything I'm so sorry
Aaron.
it needed to be said anyway
I just don’t know what to do
I’m so pissed of
Roman.
Don't worry about it. I'm just going to back off, and I'll see you Sunday.
Aaron.
Roman
no
I want to see you and Des on her birthday
Roman.
are you sure?
Ugh. Not how I wanted to end my trip. But anyway.
I have to be on at the airport in a couple hours.
Roman.
I love you, but I’ve talked with Alison, and I’m not going to come up Friday. Out of respect for her, and her being uncomfortable, I’m going to step back a bit.
Aaron.
wait
what
WHAT DID SHE SAY
Roman.
she just told me how she’s feeling and I understand. I came on too strong and I’m not Des’ parent. I shouldn’t be acting like I am.
Aaron.
oh my god
what the fuck
oh my god I’m so mad
Roman. Are you okay
Roman.
don’t be mad. She didn’t say those words directly like that, it’s just my perspective.
it’s okay.
Aaron.
what exactly did she say
im sure her words were a lot harsher
Roman.
she’s just scared of losing you both
she needs time to process all this change.
Aaron.
wtf is that supposed to mean
Roman.
I feel weird sharing exactly what she said
Aaron.
she's the one dating a fucking criminal
im so livid
Roman.
just don’t tell her I’m sending this
“Roman: “I know you love Des, and I appreciate everything you do for her. But at the end of the day, Aaron and I will always be her parents. And maybe one day, maybe you will end up being her step parent, but none of us can see the future. So we don’t know if that is what will happen. But right now, you’re not her parent. For a long time, it has always been Aaron, Des and I. That’s it. And things are changing really fast. I mean now there is you and Luca and the baby. I can only handle so many changes at once. And right now, I’m not ready for Destiny to have a “third parent”. I really do appreciate you and all you do for her, and she adores you. I’m sorry, I probably sound like the biggest asshole in the book right now. But half the time I already feel like I’m losing Aaron, I can’t lose Des too.”
Aaron.
oh my god
she did not say that to you
Roman.
it’s fine Aaron
Aaron.
it's far from fine
Roman.
I’ll just see you Sunday, and then come visit one day next week.
Aaron.
Roman,
im so upset i cant even tell you
Roman.
don’t be upset okay? Just focus on what you’re doing there, and it’ll all be okay. I’m fine. It’s okay.
I got ahead of myself because I love des so much.
Aaron.
you're not ahead, Ali is behind
Roman.
but she’s right, I’m not her parent. Maybe one day I will be, but I’m not right now.
Aaron.
but you love her like one
Roman.
I do, and that won’t change.
I can wait.
Aaron.
im so upset roman i cant even tell you
im so sorry
this is all my fault
Roman.
no it’s not
I knew Alison was uncomfortable with me being so involved from the beginning, and I did it anyway
Aaron.
bc it's irrational as fuck
Roman.
Aaron it’s not. I mean, maybe I feel a little bad that she feels this way about me, and not Luca, but she doesn’t know me as well as she wants to yet. Idk, I’m trying to understand here. I just don’t want you two to fight over me.
Aaron.
that's what im saying. she's being such a fucking hypocrite
Luca's a fucking criminal
and he gets to spend the whole day with my daughter
she thinks because she's having his baby that that someone invalidates that we've actually been together more than luca and alison have
Roman.
she must see something in him we haven’t been able to yet.
Aaron.
fuck that.
she's being such a bitch
Roman.
don’t say that
Aaron.
am i wrong
Roman.
I don’t think she has ill intentions here. She’s just a little blinded right now.
Aaron.
she's so stubborn
she always thinks she right
im so damn sick of it, i've let it slide for so many years
and i know she thinks she's a better parent than me
Roman.
Aaron no she doesn’t, come on.
Aaron.
she’d never admit it but she does
look at her now. Thinking she knows what’s best for Des and not taking what I have to say into consideration
Roman.
she’s just upset right now, maybe she’ll be thinking clearer tomorrow.
Aaron.
if I wasnt locked you this wouldn’t be flying
* up
Roman.
it’s okay.
Aaron.
it’s literally not
Roman.
listen to me. I need you to breathe. Relax for a minute. I’m okay, we’re okay. Everything is okay, and will continue to be okay.
Aaron.
I know you are more upset than you’re letting on
Roman.
I’m upset, but it is what it is right now. Im on my way to the airport and I can’t let myself get too worked up about it at the moment. I just have faith it’ll all work out.
Aaron.
Roman.
I just
I don’t know
I don’t want to get you any more upset before getting on your flight
Roman.
why? Did something else happen?August 27, 2020
Aaron.
no I just still want to go off about this
bc it’s bullshit but I’ll stop
for now
Roman.
Aaron nothing is going to get solved with anger though
Aaron.
not now
Roman.
what?
Aaron.
if I were in New York this would be different
Roman.
maybe it’s good that you’re not. Everyone needs to calm down.
Aaron.
I feel like I can’t breathe
Roman.
Aaron.
Facetime calls Aaron and waits for him to pick up while sitting outside the airport
Aaron.
answers “I’m fine. I’m fine.”
Roman.
“I needed to see you to determine that for myself.” blinks, and then takes in a ragged breath while running a hand over his face
Aaron.
clears his throat and wipes his puffy eyes, takes a deep breath “I’m fine.”
Roman.
“You’re clearly not fine. Babe...” looks over the screen, and sighs “You’ve been crying. Please don’t cry...it’s going to be okay. I promise you.”
Aaron.
just tries not to break down in front of Roman because he knows he’s having a hard time with this news. Takes a deep breath “This is so fucked.”
𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.
“Baby.” looks over screen with concerned expression, wishing more than anything he wasn’t so far away. “Aaron. Listen to me. Alison is going through a lot of stress, she will come around. What’s important right now is that you focus on your recovery, and I will take care of the rest. Alison and I will work this out. You two are too sensitive right now to come to an intelligent conclusion right now. And then on down the line, everything will work itself out between you two as well, between all of us.”
Aaron.
“I’m just...” aaron hangs his head and covers his face with his free hand, taking slow, shaky breaths “I can’t lose either of you. Oh my god...” he attempts to steady his breath again “I know the intelligent conclusion. She’s being irrational.”
Roman.
if Roman could climb through the screen right now, he would. “Aaron, you’re not going to lose anyone. Ali isn’t going anywhere, and neither am I. We’re all going to work on this together. look at me.” he tilts his head, and sucks both lips into his mouth, trying not to cry. “Everyone gets irrational sometimes. Ali is a good person, and she’s not dumb. She’ll come around, and we’ll find a solution that works for everyone.”
Aaron.
takes a deep breath in another attempt to steady his shaky breath. He sniffles, rubs his eyes then Finally looks back at camera at his man “Okay”. he looks at Ro and prays he doesn’t start crying “I just don’t know...and Roman told was just awful. I haven’t been this depressed since my dad died. It’s so hard here. And I want a drink so damn bad. And Ali just... unable to hide his tears, he lets a few tears fall “made this so much worse.”
Roman.
looks worried, eyes darting back and forth as he tries to think of how to fix this situation. “Do I need to come get you? Is there anyone you can talk to right now?”
Aaron.
puts his head between his knees and lets out a few more sobs, looks back up into the camera yeah — I...no you don’t have to come get me... not yeah. But yeah...I can go outside and talk with a counselor now.” he looks towards the door
Roman.
nods, and tries to keep himself together just like he had all night, knowing what Aaron really needed right now was stability. “Okay baby. Go talk to a counselor, and then text me. I don’t board for another couple hours. Okay? I love you.”
Aaron.
sighs, thinks about how grateful he is for Roman “thank you. I love you, too. I’ll text you when I’m done. I’m sorry.”
August 27 - 2am EST
Roman.
hope you’re okay. I’m boarding my plane.
Aaron.
yeah
she talked to me for a while hour
Roman.
are you feeling any better?
Aaron.
a little
I’m just exhausted now
have a safe flight babe.
Roman.
okay. I’ll let you get some rest then.
Aaron.
I hope you sleep on the plane
are you okay
Roman.
as long as you are.
Aaron.
I’m not. But I’m fine for now.
Roman.
okay
well try and get some sleep then.
I love you.
Aaron.
I love you
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What’s wrong bubs? :(
oh y’know, just feeling kinda down about a lot of shit lately. under a cut for length and whinging.
works had this really weird vibe for the last uhhhh 2 weeks because the government refused to shut schools down and literally everyone has just gotten so exhausted with waiting for a decision to be made about it. teachers are stressed because they’ve been setting up and familiarising students with all of the distance education systems while coming to work every day expecting to hear that we’ll be closed and then leaving still feeling uncertain about whats going on. it also means theyve been coming to me more than normal since my job involves setting up digital resources like tv programs and now they all need to make sure they can work the system we have because students are going to have to watch things online. so i’ve had to spend a lot of time going over stuff with teachers and tracking down programs theyve been showing off DVDs that now they need to be able to either find online or rip and copy onto onedrive. we finally got told we could be pupil free from next week thank fuck but im expecting students that have trouble logging in to our video system to email me for help and thats tiring just thinking about it.
plus one of my cats is really old and we’re kind of all trying to prepare ourselves for the inevitable day she doesnt wake up or we have to get her put down or whatever which fucking sucks
and then theres the usual bullshit about feeling kinda lost and unsure of everything i do and constantly feeling like somethings wrong with me which i can deal with fine usually but the last few days its been hard to ignore.
the energy on here today was kinda like the straw that broke the camels back and i just cannot deal with all the negativity and unnecessary shit that everyones saying.
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